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#but I feel hesitant to keep going? Idk why?
idleoblivion · 20 hours
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"I Know Who You Really Are" Deuce Spade x GN Reader
Synopsis: After a run in with some former ‘friends’ of his, you reassure him that his efforts aren’t wasted.
Word Count: ~1k
A/N: I intended this platonic but read it however you want. Also I promise I don't write fics almost the exact same length on purpose idk why it keeps happening.
Warnings: Deuce is sad/insecure, reverse comfort, also you both bully Ace in a fic where he isn't even there to defend himself lol
You were sitting on the couch in your dorm, casually scrolling through Magicam when the front door abruptly swung open. Looking up, you see Deuce, who walks over to the other end of the couch and plops down. Immediately, something feels off to you. You’re confused when he doesn’t say anything to you, so you speak up first.
“Uh, hey. What’s up?” 
He mumbles something under his breath that you don’t quite catch. He’s slouched over and won’t look at you. Your brow creases in worry.
It’s not unheard of for Ace and Deuce to come barging into your dorm unannounced, if they were bored or wanted to borrow your notes or whatever excuse they had. Today’s instance wasn't normal though, you could tell. 
“Where’s Ace at?” “I don’t know. I don’t feel like dealing with him right now.”
“Did he do something? Or say something? He runs his mouth a lot but you know it doesn’t mean anything.” Normally a jab at Ace would get him to at least smile, but his expression stays as glum as it was when he walked in.
“No, he didn’t do anything. I’m just not in the mood.”
“Did something else happen then?” You scooch a little closer to him and put your phone in your pocket. “If you want to talk about it, you know I’ll listen.”
He’s silent again. You’re kind of at a loss, stuck between trying to push him for answers or just letting it go. Despite your concerns, you settle for the second option. You pull out your phone again and get back on Magicam. Maybe he just needed some peace and quiet.
Neither of you say anything until he starts fidgeting a little, which gets your attention back. You notice him eyeing you like he wants to ask you something, so you turn to face him again. “Come on, what happened?”
“It’s just… is anything I’m doing even worth it?” You blink in surprise. He sounds uncharacteristically serious, and you’re caught off guard by the question. 
“What do you mean?” 
“This… this whole ‘honor student’ thing I’m trying to do. Is there any point?” He’s slumped over even more now, looking entirely dejected. 
You take a second before you answer. “You’re working hard to improve yourself and be a good student. How is there no point to that? Plus you said you wanted to make your mom proud, I definitely think you’re doing that.” The mention of his mother makes him scowl and you’re worried you said the wrong thing. 
“If she is proud, she shouldn’t be.”
Your eyes widen a little at that. “Deuce, where is this coming from?”
He looks hesitant to say more, but a reassuring nudge to his shoulder from you is enough to get him talking again. 
“Just…some guys I used to know before I came here… I ran into them over the weekend, and they started making fun of me for trying to clean up my act.” He takes a frustrated breath in and continues. “Talking about how I was still just like them, and this whole goody-two-shoes act is a sham. And that I’ll never be good enough to be a real honor student. That I’m stupid for even trying. ”
You take in his story for a second before frowning. “Well, that’s just wrong. That’s not right at all.”
“Isn’t it though? I’m always behind you and Ace, I try to stay out of trouble but sometimes I still can’t, and so many people just know me as that same delinquent.” He hangs his head low and clenches his fists in his lap.
“Deuce…” You rest your hand on top of his, and he looks up at you again. “That’s not your problem, it’s theirs. If they don’t want to see the effort you’re putting in, that’s on them. You’re not perfect because of course you're not, nobody is. But you always work hard, and you’ve made great progress already. It’s not your fault they choose to ignore that.”
“And more importantly,” you smile gently at him, “I know how hard you try. I know who you really are. So does your mom. And so do our friends, even with all the shit they give you. I promise they have your back just like I do.”
He pauses to think about what you said. He cautiously meets your eyes again. 
“You think I’m good? You mean that?”
“Yes, I do.” You state confidently. 
That seems to finish reassuring him, as he half-smiles before staring back down at his hands in his lap and muttering a quiet “Thank you.”
You nudge him again. “Don’t thank me yet. Thank me when me and Ace are done handling those guys.” You joke. 
He laughs at that and flashes you the first real smile he’s had since showing up. “Please don’t, don’t start acting like a delinquent for me. Neither of you can fight anyway.”
"Hey, Ace punched your dorm leader and got away with it."
"Sucker punched him, if he was ready Ace never would've landed the hit. Also he immediately overblotted, how is that getting away with it?"
You shrug and pull out your phone again. “Doesn't matter, I've got a new idea. You think I could find those stupid guys on Magicam? How do I do that?”
“If I knew, I wouldn’t tell you.”
“See? You’re so uptight, you’ll make a perfect honor student. As soon as you learn how to study without me.”
“Oh whatever.” He’s grinning though, and he’s lost that gloomy aura he came in with. 
He’s never had friends like you, who would take the time to comfort him without question. Who could see potential in him and believed he could really be something. He’s not used to this kind of feeling, but he can’t pretend he doesn’t enjoy it. You make him feel cared about, and that’s more than most people have ever given him. 
Yeah, if someone like you has his back, he must be on the right path. 
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I keep thinking about Ben in Chaos Theory (everybody's so surprised). Trying to figure out things that just feel odd – the van, his lifestyle, the way he hesitated the first time he was talking about his girlfriend from Europe (like come on, it was unnatural as hell) and I just... hear me out.
One of the things that Ben struggled with in Camp Cretaceous was living up to everyone's expectations, crossing his own boundaries etc. I mean, the reason he went to the Camp in the first place was because his mum wanted that – wanted him to come out of his shell etc etc. She seemed very loving but a parent can be loving and have some expectations towards their child.
So what if at some point, in between Camp Cretaceous and Chaos Theory Ben came out to his mother and she didn't take it well? Maybe it was just the first reaction but we all know Ben - sometimes he makes decisions very hastily. So she didn't take it well (maybe she just didn't react the way he imagined her to react idk) and he decided to just... live on his own in his van for a while, take a break from his studies, distance himself, give himself space? And since she didn't react well, he started feeling anxious about his identity in general so he created a smokebomb - a supposed girlfriend in Europe. That would explain why he never mentioned it to the campers earlier (it feels like to some extent they stayed in touch, at least until some point), it would also explain why he decided to live in the van, it could also explain why he got so obsessed with that conspiracy theory website - he needed to focus on something else than once again feeling like he's on his own and not living up to everyone's expectations.
I'm not saying that the showrunners will go that way and I must say that it argues a little bit with how loving Ben's mother seemed to be in the season 5 finale but... Idk for not this is the only theory that I came up with.
And you can call me delusional but if Ben really has a girlfriend in Europe the showrunners really could have handle that better - he could still be awkward about it but without making it seem like he doesn't even know where his girlfriend lives for god's sake. Like. I'm sorry. Europe? Really? Benjamin, my sweet, you don't even know the name of the country?
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danzsoldier · 7 months
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I know I watched only the 1st episode of Oshi No Ko, but Ai Hoshino is peak character design and for some reason I’m confused on why reincarnation is apart of the story
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puppyeared · 13 days
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who up seeing their disorder in a fictional character but feel like its not their place to put a name on it
#id have to be waterboarded before i can talk abt how i see a lot of my adhd and personality in mitsumi iwakura let alone post it#idk how to talk abt this without feeling like im talking over or invalidating ppls experiences relating with a character#someone was talking abt how ppl tie laios' autism to special interest and social difficulties but not much else which kinda flattens it#and then went into a respectful in depth analysis of other autistic behaviour that laios exhibits and it wasnt phrased meanly#its fascinating and important to me to hear someone explain a little bit abt traits that they recognized and often go overlooked#because it does help me learn more about it. but i think thats also where hesitancy kicks in when it comes to depicting it accurately#like i have adhd and some of my adhd symptoms overlap with autism (time blindness and pattern seeking behaviour) but that only means#it feels familiar to me even without having autism. on top of that traits arent always cleanly determined as being /caused/ by#a disorder. to understand my environment i compare it to something unrelated but similar to make it more familiar and for the longest time#i thought that was a personality thing and not an information processing thing since i loved playing pretend in my head as a kid#so if you make a character who experiences that hoping to reach people that also experience that and tell them its not weird or#smth youre making up like. thats the goal. ppl who dont get it arent expected to it just means it doesnt cater to them but it helps them#become familiar to it yk? since i dont have autism myself i dont feel confident i can depict it properly or explain it in my own words#but that doesnt mean im trying to dismiss it or try and cut it out completely.. ill just leave the floor open to someone who /can/#a lot of issues around fanon depictions are when smth is baselessly popularized or a characters personality and behavior is flattened#especially to fit them into a trending meme. its harmless and its supposed to be for fun but it gets tricky when you drag things that#need to be carefully explained beforehand or else it gets lost in translation. like that tweet abt 'hyperfixating' on cooking pasta#once it becomes popular language usually the original meaning is left out for the sake of simplifying it for everyone that when it#circles back theres a sort of hesitancy like. am i using it the way it was intended or am i unknowingly using the popularized version of it#actually thats probably why i felt wrongfooted during diagnosis bc it felt like i was misusing the words i heard to describe what i felt#i /know/ i see a lot of myself in mitsumi because our minds are always somewhere else and we tend to put good faith first and for me#that personal connection is enough. but idk it feels like its always gonna have to be 'palatable' first before i can talk abt it openly#mad respect to writers and creators who stick to their story even if theres the looming fear of ppl misinterpreting it and letting them#have it.. its been almost 2 weeks and i am so close to deleting that m3 dunmeshi drawing bc ppl keep saying chilchuck wouldnt have 200 HP#IT LITERALLY SAYS I MADE IT WHILE WATCHING EP 1. I USED EARTHBOUND LOGIC AND I WASNT EVEN TAKING IT SERIOUSLY CHILL#yapping
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lottalove01 · 6 months
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rant <3
#so i told my friend im thinking abt engaging more in my christian community again starting w going to church more and visiti g exchanges etc#she kniws abt basically all my other friends being more than less religious and active in their respective communities#+ my family being religious even during soviet times and she even kniws abt the orthodox side of my family#so this shouldnt surprise her this much#why is she trying to talk me out of it saying christianity is evil and she cant agree to creationism like ok bitch me too#she acting as if im gonna become some republican american blonde woman or an primitive medieval peasant wthhh#and like i get it she and her family have always been agnostic and she doesnt have any personal experience with believe and faith#but that is even more reason to shut the hell up?? especially bc i just told her as like a life update i didnt want to start a discussion#w an agnostic no less#ppl like that make me so uncomfortable and then she kept saying things like this person is godless as a joke like stfu???#and kept bringing up she csnt believe in god at random times it made me so umcomfortable#especially bc now i feel hesitant to invite her to hangouts w my more 'strict' friends like idk what she thinks abt them and i dont want to#expose my friends who have to listen to enough shit to someone like that like i want my home to be a safe space for my friends#anyways thats the same girl who keeps telling me she doesnt think im white and when i tell her her saying this makes me uncomfortable#shes argues its ok bc she is not white herself ok wth im literally german/slavic how is that not white im crying#cant really articulate what exactly makes me uncomfy abt this but feels like she wants to enable me its really weird#also with tge christian stuff like ive always been religious she kniws abt me reading religious texts its so weird to me#why are you my friend if you disagree with a foundamental part of my life#maybe she thoight i was an ok one bc me and my familys approach to believe and faith is very relaxed but wth man
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isabelguerra · 1 year
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300 points for 'Isabel takes the L'?
the wizau isabel catches feelings fic :-)
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#paranatural#asks#telephonestalker#wizard au#u sending this ask and making me go into the doc helped me solve a plot hole/characterization issue ive been struggling with for like#OVER A YEAR. so u get a little extra for that#the L in isabel takes the L stands for like-like. it stands for crush. it stands for losing her sanity#the OG writing (tht i really didnt like but couldnt figure out an alternative) was ‘johnny gets serious hurt and isabels stressed about it#because it impacts a bunch of stuff including a huge quidditch game they have coming up which is now in jeopardy since they dont know if#johnny will be able to play and since shes team captain she’ll be responsible for her team losing. but johnny does something idk what#bc he cares. its something heartfelt bc he felt bad abt being careless and causing her stress and that action makes her heart flutter’#and then i thought hm. i dont like this.#the angle just isnt the foundation i want to build a romance arc on. so now its much less about johnnys feelings and the actions they make#him take. and then isabels reaction TO those feelings/actions. and now much more feelings are gained because despite building a friendship#on teasing and tussling and violent sport partnership this is someone shes grown to care about and doesnt want to see hurt at all.#she’d cancel the game without a moment’s hesitation because thats her teammate and she’d do anything to keep them safe#but why does this worry feel different. why does something feel worse. she’d feel this way about any of their teemmates but#by now her nd johnny hang out together and walk to class together and study late together and practice 1on1 together and she likes it#she really cares and is suddenly freaked out bc she doesnt know when that started and how she didnt notice it. and now this is someone#she cares about that got actual-not-for-jokes-hurt and shes worried#hes fine btw. maybe hes got a broken arm but ultimately he spends a night in the informary and comes out of it with a cool new story#but even after hes fine isabels still left with the aftermath of her realization. and she marinates in it for a while#this was way more than i meant to write ANYWAY my point was#her crush isnt gained bc she realizes everything he does and cares abt her. her crush is gained bc she realizes SHE LIKES HIM#its about HER feelings. not her reaction to johnnys#this au makes me unwell#johnny does still do his little ‘heartfelt sorry my carelessness made you worry im ok see? bigger n badder than ever’ thing but rather than#‘apologizing for getting hurt’ which is STUPID its more about checking in on those u care about after u made a thoughtless action#it still makes her heart jump but for a different reason. idk im still working out the kinks
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no-one-hears-me · 2 months
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I really truly genuinely do not want to let him go
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nereidprinc3ss · 27 days
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do you believe me now? | 4
in which spencer reid and inexperienced fem!reader are interrupted at the most inopportune of times. he calls you on the first night of his case. dirty talk turns into a hard conversation. we get a glimpse into spencer's past, and we finally learn why he's so hesitant to sleep with you.
series masterlist
18+ (smut) warnings/tags: dirty talk, phone sex/mutual masturbation, softdom!spence, obligatory he talks u through it, lots of graphic discussions of sex, established relationship, angst (sorrryyy!) a/n: so remember how i said you'd need the bonus chapter to fully appreciate/understand this part? i was wrong!! it will come in handy probably in the next part tho:) also idk how these parts keep getting so long im sorry! anyway, i love you all so bad. thank you for bearing w/ my craziness. PLEASE let me know your thoughts on this part!! i adore hearing from you!! kisses
(also special thank you to @fliesforeyes who convinced me phone sex w/ spence could be done!! i will link his phone sex blurb here :)) thank u binx!!
“Three million six hundred eighty four thousand three hundred thirty two times fourteen million seven hundred sixty one thousand nine hundred seventy one.”
You’ve lost count of how many stupid math questions you’ve asked your human calculator boyfriend, just to see if he can actually do them. Spencer is silent for a second, and you think you’ve finally stumped him. 
“That one is complicated.”
You sit bolt upright in his bed, looking down at him and pointing an accusatory finger. His brows raise at the manic look in your eye. 
“You don’t know.”
“I do know. I meant it would be hard to explain if you aren’t a math person.”
“Bullshit!” You scoff, “you don’t know!”
“It would display on a calculator as five-point-three-eight-eight-E-thirteen. It’s a really big number.”
“Oh, really big, huh?” you mumble, searching for your phone blindly in the sheets and scrambling to open the calculator app. “Um… what numbers did I say?”
Spencer repeats them back to you and you press the equals sign. 
You look at it. 
And then you set your phone down. 
“I was right, huh?” he smiles up at you, probably reveling in your pouty wrongness. 
Too proud to admit it, you collapse on top of him, burying your face in his shoulder. 
“I don’t like this game anymore. What the fuck even is an e? Why are we doing algebra?”
Spencer laughs, brushing your hair aside. 
“The e stands for exponent. It’s to the power of ten.”
“Ever heard of a rhetorical question?”
“Yes, I have.”
It’s hard not to snort even at his dumbest jokes. 
“You’re annoying. Let’s do something else.”
You roll over onto your back again, letting your head flop over to look at Spencer, whose hair is exactly the right amount of messy after a long day, falling in impossibly soft waves over the perfect lines and contours of his face. Despite lounging, he’s still in his suit from work—he’d left Quantico and immediately picked you up. There were no solid plans for the evening, so after both of you pretended that you wanted to go out for a while, you ended up back at his apartment. 
He looks good. Almost too good. 
“Something like what?” he smiles lazily, reaching over and tracing his fingers over your cheek. 
“Something… naked?”
His grin widens and he shakes his head. 
“Me naked or you naked?”
Pretending to think about it, you roll your bottom lip between your teeth. 
“Mm… why not both?”
“Hm. Why do I feel like I know where this is going?”
The mattress sinks underneath your elbow as you prop yourself up, dropping your head over Spencer’s to kiss him. 
“Because you’re so smart, and you think it’s a great idea.”
He entertains your kiss for a moment. Just a moment.
“You sound sure of yourself.”
“Because I am!” You finally give in to your impulses, tangling your fingers in his hair and looking at him meaningfully. “It doesn’t make any sense for us to have not had sex. I don’t care about any of your weird, cryptic moral reasoning.”
He grabs your wrist carefully. 
“It is not moral,” he scoffs. “We haven’t even talked about it yet.”
“Really? Because I feel like we’ve talked about it a lot.” 
He begins to reply, but you realize you don’t want to get into a debate over whether you’ve technically talked about it yet. “I don’t even care! If that’s all that’s standing in your way, then let’s talk about it. Right now.”
Spencer sighs, his eyes darting between yours as he reaches up to cradle your cheek. 
“Fine. But I have things to say you’re not going to like.”
“So business as usual?”
He rolls his eyes. You allow yourself a tiny self-satisfied smirk, forever relishing in his poorly-hidden soft spot for your constant teasing. Spencer ignores this. Which is probably for the best. 
“I know you probably won’t see it this way, but—sex is different than everything else we’ve done so far. It can be really fun, obviously it feels good, it facilitates deeper feelings of connection—that’s all true. Which is why, in my opinion, it’s incredibly important that you be selective with who you sleep with. Because it’s so easy to do something you regret, and sex is vulnerable. It should always be with someone you trust and—and… care about.”
A pink flush stains his cheeks like watercolor as he stumbles over the last few words. It makes your heart flutter against the confines of your chest.
Maybe best not to think about the absence versus presence of certain four-letter words and what they may or may not mean. You’ll move on to more pressing matters and pretend like it doesn’t ache just a little in your whole body. 
You cover his hand with your own. 
“Are you going to break up with me anytime soon?”
Spencer’s eyes widen, filling with genuine horror and confusion. 
“What? No!”
“Are you going to cheat on me?”
“Absolutely not, I—”
“Then I’m not going to regret it. Issue resolved. Moving on.”
“Honey, I just want you to be 100% sure that I’m what you want.”
“Oh my god,” you groan, flopping onto your back once more. “I have begged you to sleep with me on multiple occasions. We have been dating for months and I liked you even longer before that. I think about it literally every time I see you. I don’t know how to be any surer.”
It’s quiet for a moment as you study the imaginary pattern on the ceiling. The rebuttal you’d been anticipating doesn’t come—instead, the mattress shifts next to you. Spencer enters your field of vision, now leaning over you with a little smile on his face that gives you butterflies. 
“Every time?”
“…yes, every time,” you agree, voice considerably thinner than it had been a moment ago. Spencer glances at your lips as he speaks. 
“Interesting. And what is it that you think about exactly?”
You groan again, attempting to roll facedown, but he pins your shoulder to the bed. The way he’s sweetly kissing down your cheek and jaw is infuriating because you know it’s a false pretense. 
“Ugh, I don’t know! Don’t make me answer that!”
“You said if talking about it was all that was standing in my way, we would talk about it. Now I want to talk about it. Come on,” he says, voice low and cloying against your throat as he attempts to tease the answer out of you. “Tell me what you think about when you think about us having sex.”
You let out a shaky breath at the feeling of his lips skimming your neck, hating how easily he can reduce you to this. 
“I… I always wonder what it will feel like. Sometimes I wonder if it will hurt.”
Spencer sighs, interrogation by way of seduction momentarily forgotten. You silently curse yourself for saying something so un-sexy. 
“It might, sweetheart. That’s one of the reasons we’ve held back. I… really don’t want to hurt you. I don’t even know if I can.”
You grab his face in both hands, forcing him to look at you with more confidence than you feel. 
“Sometimes I worry about it, too. But I like you a lot more than it scares me. I still want to.”
He kisses your palm. 
“You’ll be okay. It doesn’t hurt for everyone, and even if it does, you’re resilient.”
“Exactly. So you have to get over yourself.”
Spencer laughs like he wasn’t expecting to, eyes sparkling as he regards you.  
“Yeah. Yeah, maybe I do.”
He’s smiling again as he leans down and kisses you—a slow, lingering thing which tastes like spearmint as you part your lips for him. 
“Please?” you whisper against him after a long moment. He hums, keeps kissing you. 
“What is it that you think you want? You don’t even know what you’re asking for.”
“Tell me,” you beg, chasing his lips. “Tell me what you’re going to do with me. We can talk about it. This is talking about it.”
Spencer exhales deeply, wedging a thigh between yours. Immediately you clamp around it, trying not to grind against him too overtly. 
“You want to know what I’d do to you?”
“Yes—” you paw at his jacket. Surprisingly, he doesn’t stop you from pushing it off. Your heart pounds. 
“Well… we both know how anxious you get,” he muses, pressing his lips so delicately to your fluttering pulse-point in emphasis, and then back to your mouth. His thigh pushes harder against you to supplant the absence of his lips as he speaks, though he kisses you sporadically and between sentences. “You’re hard to get out of your head when you’re nervous, you know that? I watch it happen. One minute you’re with me, and then you start overthinking, and getting self-conscious. The only thing that seems to relax you is letting me touch you—so first I would touch you like I’ve touched you before. I’d make sure you know how pretty you are and how good you deserve to feel.” You whimper inadvertently at his words, arching into him and grinding against his leg as he pauses to kiss the sensitive soft spot below your jaw. “You’re going to need to be really ready to let me in. Do you know what I mean by that?”
As he asks, he pushes his thigh against you harder. Your body responds immediately, arching into him and seeking more friction. When you squeak, he takes it as a no. 
“I mean I need you relaxed and wet. You’ll excuse my crude language.”
You pull at his tie, breathing heavier now and so turned on it’s almost painful. 
“What are you gonna do after that?”
“What else is there to do but fuck you after that?” he breathes. “You want me to tell you how I’d fuck you?”
Something about it makes you whine salaciously. You’ve heard him curse—you’ve even heard him talk about fucking you. But it feels more real now; when it’s low in your ear and you’re covertly undressing him and he’s pushing your shirt over your stomach promisingly. 
“Yes, please.” 
He hums against your jaw, nipping and brushing his lips over the skin as he considers. Leaves you waiting. 
“I would have to take my time with you. You’ll be overwhelmed. I know you think you won’t, but you will. I’m going to have to be so, so careful with you, angel. It’s going to drive me insane. But it will feel good for you.”
“Why careful? I don’t want that.”
He chuckles. A chill runs down your spine. 
“Yeah, you do. You’re going to want me to be careful when I’m—” he pauses, pressing his thumb to your bare lower tummy and dragging up to a spot below your belly button. He presses down lightly again. “Right here. Approximately.”
The surface of the sun has nothing on the temperature of your skin in this moment, as you writhe underneath him in both arousal and embarrassment. Mostly, burning need. You feel almost sick with it. 
“Please don’t make me wait anymore. Just do it, please, Spencer. I need it to be you, I don’t want it to be anyone else. I promise I’m ready.”
It’s silent for a moment. Your heart quickens. You sense his walls wearing away, his instinct to keep you intact for god knows what reason crumbling. He’s finally going to give you what you’ve been begging for. 
Spencer opens his mouth, eyes glimmering—
And then his phone rings. 
You both freeze—he melts dejectedly before you do, more accustomed to an ill-timed phone call and realizing the finality it can present. 
He’s breathing heavily against your neck, as if maybe whoever it is will just hang up. But the phone keeps ringing. 
“I’m sorry.”
Your stomach sinks as he sits up, grabbing his phone from the side table and rubbing circles on your inner thigh as he answers.
“This is Reid,” he says, lackluster. 
If you wanted, you could hear what Penelope is saying—but you don’t bother listening. It’s going to be a case. Spencer is about to leave. The details are his problem. 
“Okay. I’ll be there in an hour.”
He hangs up, tossing the phone onto the mattress and not speaking for a moment, just continuing to rub your leg apologetically. Watching you almost mournfully—taking in your disheveled hair, your likely blown-out pupils, the shirt pushed almost over your chest. 
“I have to go right now,” he finally manages with a heavy sigh, gently pulling your shirt back into place. 
You sit up, shedding all the hopes that had been building for the evening, and try to sound chipper—though all you feel is bitter disappointment that goes deeper than you understand. 
“I know. Go ahead, I can get a cab home.”
He frowns, running his hand over the back of your hair. 
“I don’t love the idea of you standing on the sidewalk waiting for a car in this part of town so late. Do you just want to stay here for the night and go home tomorrow?”
You force a smile. Great. So you’ll be spending the night in his bed after all—just without him. 
“Sure. Thanks.”
“Yeah.”
Neither of you are feeling particularly grateful. 
Soon you’re walking him to his own door. Both of you come to a stop in front. 
“I’m sorry,” he sighs again. 
“Spencer, it’s fine. It’s your job. You don’t need to apologize. You were very clear about this part when we started dating.”
“I know, but… it’s easier in theory than in practice.”
You smile. If Spencer is a reflection of you, it doesn’t quite reach your eyes. His hair is still messy from your fingers running through it and he’s missing his tie. You hope all his coworkers see and feel bad about taking him away from you. 
But it’s not their fault. You just want someone to blame. 
Instead you mould yourself to his body, wrapping around him like you belong there. He returns your embrace, pressing his lips into the crook of your shoulder and rubbing your back in that way he always does with you. 
In that moment, your affection for him becomes so profound it’s like a chemical reaction—everywhere he touches burns and you love him so fucking much it aches in every inch of your body the way your muscles do when you have a bad fever. Love is the most terrible of afflictions, you realize. It is a fever dream. It’s every fiber of your being screaming to tell him how you feel, to beg him on your knees not to go because you love him like a child loves a parent or a bee loves honeysuckle or the ocean loves the horizon. Pared down to your most basic components, the barest version of yourself, you require him. Your soul needs his soul. 
“Spencer?”
“Hm?” 
It’s nothing more than an absentminded hum against your skin. 
“I…”
Should you be looking him in the eye when you say this? Should you say it right before he has to leave? Just because you say it doesn’t change the fact that he’s about to be gone for several long days. Maybe this is a terrible time to admit something that suddenly feels so true and so consequential. 
He senses your internal conflict, pulling back despite your resistance and holding your face between his hands. 
“You what?” He murmurs, soft eyes bouncing back and forth between your own. Fuck—you feel so observed, now. Like he can read your mind. 
“I forget.”
FUUUUUUCK. 
Spencer blinks. Processes. You watch the disbelief crystallizing over his eyes like ice freezing over a lake. 
He knows. 
He knows you didn’t forget, and he probably knows what you were going to say, and he’s going to tell himself he was wrong to spare your dignity. 
Everything hurts when he kisses you. You wonder what regret tastes like. 
“Well, let me know if you remember.”
It’s too gentle and at the same time he can’t hide the edge with all the tenderness in the world. You nod as if in a trance, already looking forward to dissociating as you lie in bed and stare at the dark ceiling.
Two small goodbyes are exchanged, slightly stifled now, as if shared between drunk strangers who have sobered up and are mutually embarrassed about how candidly they’d interacted before. 
You close the door behind him, doing up all the locks, and meticulously flick every light switch in the apartment off before climbing into his bed—though you don’t really feel like you deserve to be there anymore.
But perhaps this is all an overreaction. It’s not like you owe it to him to say I love you, or anything—it was bad timing, anyway. And why can’t he say it? In fact, why hasn’t he said it? 
Maybe you have it all wrong. 
Maybe he doesn’t feel that way about you. 
You fall asleep before you allow these questions to make you sick. 
24 hours go by. 
24 hours go by and you really had meant to leave his apartment—it was just that you woke up late, and your phone was dead so you couldn’t call a car, so you charged it while you made breakfast, and then you ate, and then you decided to take a shower and wash your clothes, and then it was two in the afternoon and you hadn’t left yet and you decided to walk to the store and replenish the groceries you’d used up. 
Maybe you got a bit distracted looking at flowers and other beautiful things at the market and by the time you got home it was 5:00, so you decided to wait until seven to skip rush hour. And then eight, just to be sure. 
Before you know it, it’s midnight, and you’re dozing off in his bed again (teeth cleaned with the brush you’d bought at the store—maybe this whole situation hadn’t been entirely unwitting on your part.)
Throughout the day, you tried to let all your anxiety about the previous night melt away. If it’s something that needs to be addressed, Spencer will address it. Everything will work out in the end. That thought is how you’re able to doze off. 
You’re almost asleep when your phone lights up and begins buzzing on the side table. You wince as your eyes open, not adjusting well to the harsh bright display and unable to discern who’s even calling you at this hour. Stupidly, probably because you’re half asleep, you answer without checking. 
“Hello?”
Your voice is groggy, quiet with sleep. 
“Shit, did I wake you?”
“Spence?” you whisper, stomach flipping at the sound of his voice on the other line. You feel caught, still sleeping in his bed. 
“… yeah,” he chuckles. “Did you not check who was calling before you picked up?”
“I was asleep,” you pout. “Kinda.”
“Okay. Go back to sleep, honey. We’ll talk tomorrow.”
You sit bolt upright, phone balanced between tense fingers and speaking directly into the microphone. 
“No! No, I’m awake. What’s up? Why did you call?”
A longer stretch of silence—you’re too sleepy to comprehend what it might mean, though never too sleepy to worry about it. With a pang of pain, you recall your strange goodbye, the words you hadn’t said. 
“I just needed to hear your voice,” he sighs. You frown, staring at nothing in particular in the pitch black room. 
“Oh. Is everything okay?”
“As much as it can be.”
“Right.”
More quiet. You chew on the inside of your cheek, stricken with a sudden feeling of awkwardness that you haven’t had with Spencer in a while. 
“I’m sorry… I don’t really know what to say.”
“That’s okay,” he says, and you can hear the smile in his voice which makes you feel a bit better, “why don’t you tell me about your day? Or you can absolutely go back to sleep, if you’re too tired.”
“Don’t ask me about my day,” you whisper, flopping down on the bed once more. Shame seeps into your voice. He laughs. 
“What? Why?”
“Because if I tell you you’re going to think I’m super weird and you’re going to break up with me.”
Laughter tapers off into gentler tones. 
“I already think you’re super weird. It’s actually one of your most attractive qualities.”
Blood rushes to your cheeks. 
“But it’s like… borderline crazy.”
Immediately, he replies, “for better or worse, I also frequently find myself attracted to crazy.”
“Thank you for calling me crazy and super weird,” you grumble. 
“I also called you attractive twice. Tell me.”
When his tone takes on that easy, assertive quality, and it’s sort of raspy and low because it’s late and he’s been talking all day, and you can hear the lazy smile on his face—you imagine him laying on his hotel bed, arm slung over his eyes in the dark as he grins into the microphone—you have a very difficult time saying no. 
“Fine. Guess where I am right now.”
“Um, I would hope you’re in bed?”
You smile to yourself, basking in the victory of successfully throwing him off his game even slightly. 
“Guess whose bed.”
Silence. 
“What an interesting question.” That cocky smile, the low drawling is back, and you chew on your lip, ignoring the shiver that runs down your spine. “If it’s not mine or yours, we’re going to have issues.”
“But if it is yours? You’re not going to call the police on me?”
“Why would I call the police? To tell them there’s a pretty girl in my bed and I don’t want her there?”
“To tell them your psychopathic girlfriend broke into your apartment and might be holding hostages there.”
Spencer laughs; a brittle, drawn out thing, flat and quiet as the desert.
“If you were a psychopath, calling the cops would be a waste of time. I would handle you myself.” The idea of being handled has your thighs clenching. “But—yeah, don’t invite anyone else in.” More humor finds its way into his voice, momentarily relieving some tension that had sneakily begun to build. “Having people in my space makes me anxious.”
“But not me?” Your whisper is half flirtatious, half insecure. Spencer’s reply is soft, as if he’s picking up on this from hundreds of miles away.
“No, not you. You are always the exception.”
“Good,” you say, cheeks aching as you half-bury your warm face into his pillow. “Because I made myself really comfortable. You have a nice shower, by the way.”
Spencer groans. 
“You’re killing me.”
“What? What did I do!”
“Don’t talk to me about my bed and my shower. I might start to think you’re intentionally being a brat.”
“You asked me about my day! I’m just telling you what I did!”
But you’re also intentional teasing him for sure.  After a pause, he sighs in defeat. 
“You’re right. I did do that. Tell me what else happened.”
“Well,” you begin, all too eager, “I had to put my clothes in the dryer after I got out, so I borrowed some of yours. But then they were way comfier than mine, so after I went to the store I put them back on, and—”
“Okay.”
“Okay what?” you frown. 
“Tell me what this is.”
“I—I don’t know what you mean.”
Lying to a profiler is usually pointless. 
“I’m not stupid, sweetheart. Tell me why you keep talking about my shower and my bed and my clothes.”
Caught red-handed. Your skin heats up. 
“I don’t know. I miss you.”
He hums in a way that blurs the line between sympathetic and patronizing. Even through the phone you can feel the bass of it in your bones.  It changes the frequency you’re vibrating at. It’s hypnotic. 
“But that’s not really why you’re being intentionally provocative, is it?”
“No,” you admit quietly. “I’m still upset you had to go last night.”
“So you’re frustrated and you’re taking it out on me?”
Your brow furrows. Well, when he puts it like that…
“I’m not taking anything out on you.”
“I think you are. And I don’t appreciate that, because I’m on your side, honey. Do you think I prefer being in a hotel bed by myself or being in my bed with you?”
Somehow, he makes you feel like a scolded child. But he makes it appealing in ways you don’t understand. 
“Your bed with me,” you murmur, skin prickling with the coldness of his absence even as you curl under the blanket. 
“Right. So why don’t you tell me what I can do for you right now, instead of punishing me for things that are beyond my control?”
“I wasn’t punishing you,” you mutter. 
“No? You weren’t intentionally talking about using my shower and sleeping in my bed and putting on my clothes so that I’d have to think about what I can’t have right now?”
“I—”
“Believe me when I tell you I have been thinking about what I can’t have, all day. Your efforts are entirely redundant and you can’t say anything about yourself that is even close to as dirty as the frankly disrespectful thoughts I’ve been having about you for seventeen hours.”
The lack of air is making you so dizzy your vision goes gray at the edges. 
“What… what thoughts?”
“None that you need to concern yourself with.”
“You can’t just say something like that and then not tell me!” you insist. He’s obviously giving you a taste of your own medicine and it’s fair but it doesn’t mean you have to like it. 
“I can do whatever I want,” Spencer corrects cooly in a way that pisses you off beyond belief because he’s right. It triggers some adolescent immaturity within you—a desire to get back at him, so to speak. He wants intentionally provocative? He can have it. 
“Fine. Then so can I. And there’s nothing you can do to stop me.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it even if I could.”
“Spencer,” you warn. “If you don’t tell me what you were thinking I’m gonna—” you look around the room for ammo. “I’m gonna look through your nightstand!”
“Go ahead. I’ll warn you, it’s not very interesting.”
“Sounds like what someone who has something hide would say,” you mumble, crawling across the mattress through tangled sheets and using your phone flashlight to open the drawer. 
Spencer is patient and silent as you take in its contents—a small blue leather-bound notebook (full of what looks like Russian), a fountain pen, a glasses case, various kinds of vitamins, and—
“Spencer Reid,” you say, dragging out his name and pretending nothing is fluttering in your stomach, “what are these?”
“I don’t know. I can’t see what you’re referring to.”
“Take a wild guess.”
“Oh, I have one. But I’d like to hear you say it.”
You realize you may have gotten yourself in deeper than you meant to by going through his stuff. Well—they don’t say karma is a bitch for nothing. 
“What are you doing with a box of condoms?” 
He chuckles and you feel it in your whole body, warm as you stretch across his mattress and eye the box like it might jump out at you. 
“Those are years old. I’ve used three since I bought them.”
“Don’t tell me that,” you whine. “I don’t wanna think about all the other women you’ve seduced.”
“You wanted them to be for you, huh?” 
You flush. Honestly you hadn’t even thought about that. 
“I… I don’t know. I kind of just assumed…”
It’s silent for a second and you frown, realizing you hadn’t even considered protection when you’d imagined sleeping with him before. 
“You assumed what, honey?” he asks, voice soft. 
“It’s dumb. I can’t tell you.”
“You can tell me anything. I’m not going to think it’s dumb, I promise.”
You chew on your lip, letting your eyes unfocus on the box as you muster the courage to be honest. 
“Whenever I imagined it… we didn’t… use anything.”
The words make you cringe even as you’re saying them. So does the quiet that follows. 
“When you imagine us sleeping together, we don’t use a condom?”
“Ah!” The phone drops to the mattress as you cover your ears and roll onto your side, curling into yourself once more. “You didn’t have to say it! You make me sound so weird!”
“It’s not weird,” he laughs, because he can probably imagine exactly what you just did, “I just wanted to make sure I was understanding you. That said… we would definitely use protection.”
“Do we have to?”
The quiet words take even you by surprise—and they seem to stun Spencer as well. Several false starts are punctuated by a sigh as he gathers his thoughts. 
“We really should, baby. That’s the kind of thing we need to take seriously.”
“But you’re… you’re good, right?”
Thankfully he picks up on your meaning. 
“I am. I wouldn’t touch you if I weren’t.”
“And I’m good. So...”
“Hm. And has anyone ever explained to you where babies come from?”
You groan in frustration. 
“Spencer, I’m being serious! There are ways to negate that.”
“Honey,” he murmurs, “I understand that. But it would be irresponsible of me to say yes. We can talk about it in the future, but—”
“I’m telling you it’s already dealt with. The chances of an accidental pregnancy are slim to none.”
The new information hangs in the air for a moment until Spencer speaks—to your surprise, his voice is low and humorous. 
“That is… good to know. But even so—I’m setting a dangerous precedent if I always let you get exactly what you want.”
“Is it such a bad thing that I just wanna—I wanna know what it feels like? You don’t want that?”
“That’s not what I said. I want to know exactly what you feel like. I’m just hesitant to give in so quickly because it makes me look weak.”
You laugh breathlessly, caught between being turned on by the first part of his sentence and amused by the sarcastic second half. Your thighs clench and your hand absentmindedly wanders between them. 
“You know what I was thinking about?” you ask. Spencer hums curiously. “I was thinking about when you let me, um… when you let me touch you how you touch me.” He hums again, but you can hear the amused curve of a smile in it now.
“When you had your mouth all full of me and you looked so pretty?”
“When I—yeah,” you agree, too caught up to deny his compliment as your fingers brush your most sensitive spot through clothing. “And  how you got me all messy after. And I was wondering what it would feel like… inside me.”
He sucks in a breath. Your legs brush against each other and you twist slightly as you pretend like you’re not touching yourself just a little bit. 
“You want me to come inside you?”
“Yeah,” you whisper, brain short-circuiting at the way those words sound in his voice. 
On the other side of the line, Spencer isn’t doing a fantastic job of thinking clearly either. His dick is half-hard already and it’s only getting worse with each little noise you make that you don’t seem to realize you’re making. 
“Really? That would be very messy, baby. I’m surprised that’s what you want.”
“But I really want it,” you breathe. He’s not even looking as he slips his hand under the waistband of his pajamas and palms himself, his other hand rubbing tiredly over his face as his phone rests on his chest. This was not how he intended for this call to go, believe it or not—but he’s here now. 
“Yeah? Is that why you’re touching yourself right now?”
You go silent—which is more or less exactly the reaction Spencer had been expecting. Patiently he waits for you to deny it, in three, two—
“’M not.”
Now, he could explain how he knows that’s a lie. How your breathing pattern changed, and your voice got softer and airier, and how you started speaking with smaller words in fragmented sentences. But he doesn’t feel like explaining any of that. 
“I know that’s not true,” he murmurs. “You know what? It wasn’t fair to get you all worked up last night and then leave. I don’t want you frustrated, honey. I want you to do whatever you need to do.”
You make a little gasping noise, and Spencer can imagine the way your back would arch when you did it. His own hips buck slightly as his dick twitches under his fingers. 
“Where are you touching?”
“Um—over my clothes.”
Cute. 
“Go under them for me. Tell me how it feels when you’re touching yourself like that.”
It takes a moment, in which all he hears is the rustling of fabric, until you’re whispering, “feels… it feels good. I wish you were here.”
He inhales, freeing his cock and squeezing the base. 
“I know. Just listen to my voice, pretty. I’m right here.”
Spencer allows himself a few slow tugs as he imagines what’s happening in his bed. You make a squeaking noise, like a held-back moan, and his eyes screw shut. 
“I need them inside,” you whine, and he knows you’re referring to his fingers—the ones currently stroking his own leaking cock. 
“You can use your own, just give yourself a minute first. Remember what I said about needing to be ready?”
“I am ready—” judging by the surprised chirp you interrupt yourself with, you’ve proven yourself right. What surprises Spencer is the weak sound of disappointment you make next. “Spence, it doesn’t feel the same.”
“We’re different sizes, honey. Your hands aren’t as big as mine. But you can still make it feel good.” 
He almost says, 90% of the nerves in the vaginal canal are located in the lower third—in other words, within approximately 2.36 inches from the opening, which you can most certainly reach—but he refrains. He’s not sure if that’s good dirty talk. 
“You have a really sensitive spot about three inches up, right in front. It’s going to feel a little different than the rest of you when you touch it. I want you to try and find it for me, okay?”
“Okay,” you breathe, ever-eager to please even from a great distance. There’s a quiet moment. “I can’t—I don’t think I can r—oh,”
The moan is so pretty Spencer can’t help speeding up the motion of his hand, hissing slightly as his fingers brush against the angry tip with every pump. 
“Did you find it?”
“Yeah,” you whine, a weak, high-pitched thing. “Oh my god.”
“Be gentle,” he warns with some effort as his own hips jump slightly. “You’re really sensitive there. If you’re not careful you’ll make yourself sore.”
“I don’t care—holy shit—” the way your voice rises and tightens to a squeak at the end has Spencer moaning as he fucks his fist. A black hole forms and warps time, turning every minute into a second and every second into an infinity until he has no idea how much time is going by. He drags his thumb over the tip, smearing precum over his cock and whining as his jaw drops at the feeling. “Oh my god, Spencer,” in that same strained, high voice. “’M gonna—ah!”
He gets the general sentiment. 
“What, baby? You’re gonna make yourself come all over your fingers? Is that what you wanted to tell me?”
“Mhm!”
“Yeah, I bet you are. It feels good, huh?”
“Yes,” you cry. 
“See? You don’t need my fingers to feel good. Mine barely fit, you know that? I have to hold your fucking hips down whenever I put my fingers in you because you can’t stop squirming. I don’t know how you think you’re going to take my cock.”
“Spencer!” 
He knows. 
“Come, baby. Let me hear you.”
The delicate sounds you make as you bring yourself to orgasm tip him over the edge of his own—grunting as he comes all over his fist. 
“Jesus,” he strains under his breath, the word dragging out into two long syllables as his hips buck involuntarily and cum drips down his knuckles. He’s lightheaded and he’s created a mess and it all happened so quickly. “Fuck,” he breathes, a rasping chuckle as he reaches for the towel he’d dropped on the bed after his shower earlier. “You conscious over there?”
“I’m conscious,” you slur, breathing heavily. “I’ve never had an orgasm by myself before.”
“Are you proud of yourself?” Spencer smiles, wiping his hand off and making sure he’s otherwise clean. “You should be. I am.”
He’s barely kidding. 
“I’ll be proud when I can do it without your help,” you tease. 
“But I’ll always want to help you with that.” His already warm face flushes further as he goes over what he’d said. “Sorry I was so vulgar.”
You laugh. He blushes even more. 
“Are you? I think you secretly love being vulgar.”
“I don’t know why! I have no idea where it comes from. I would never speak that way in any other context. I should probably work on that. Sometimes I look back on the things I say and I’m genuinely appalled.”
“Well, don’t stop on my account. Personally I enjoy it.”
“Yeah, I think I’m corrupting you. You probably shouldn’t enjoy it.”
The truth of it weighs heavy on his mind, but he’s pretty sure his voice alone doesn’t betray that and you can’t sense it through the phone. 
“Oh, my god. Do not do that falling on your sword shit. I like being corrupted by you. If you stop I’ll be very upset.”
“Well god forbid you get upset,” he teases gently. Idly he wonders if the reason he’s suddenly feeling so depressed is because his cortisol levels were already high from the case, and then he jarred his system with an orgasm, spiking his dopamine and ultimately causing it to plummet without the oxytocin release that post-coital physical contact would usually provide. 
Or if it was something else. It could also be something else. 
For the millionth time, he wishes he was with you. Part of him also wants to go to sleep. But mostly he wishes he was with you. 
A comfortable silence settles over the conversation. In the ditch between words, you’re mapping constellations in the texture of Spencer’s ceiling. If you squeeze your eyes almost shut, you can imagine it really is the night sky. You can imagine he’s really here. 
You think about what he said—his apparently mindless vulgarity. Did it mean anything? Or was he just rambling to get you off?
“Spencer?” you murmur. 
“Yeah?”
“Can I ask you a question?”
He sounds earnest, perhaps a little tired, as he replies, “always,” through the little metal rectangle on your chest. He likes me and my questions are important to him, you repeat to yourself silently as you work up the strength. 
“If Penelope hadn’t called, last night… were you going to have sex with me?” 
Your lip tastes like his toothpaste as you chew it. Spencer sucks in a breath of air like he’s about to speak—and lets it fizzle out like foam on a carbonated drink. 
“I don’t know,” he finally admits, lamely. “That wasn’t my plan, but you can be extremely convincing when you want to be.”
“But why can’t it be your plan?” It’s an almost whine, pouty and childish—but the next words are quiet and pained. “Is it something I’m doing wrong?”
“No, no! It’s not you. You’re perfect. It’s—it’s complicated. It’s a me thing.”
Such trite words—such a ubiquitous, simple excuse sounds almost comical from his mouth when you know he’s capable of all the eloquence in the world. It’s not you, it’s me. It’s ridiculous. 
“Okay. Let me simplify this for you,” you begin with an uncharacteristic assertiveness that surprises even you. “I want to have sex with you. Either we are going to have sex or we’re not. So your future branches in two diverging paths. In one, we have sex, and then we keep having sex. In the other we never have sex ever. If you want to ever have the privilege of fucking me, then we just have to do it. Otherwise it simply will never happen. And I’m not eternally patient, Reid.”
Go me, you think, slightly breathless from your monologue. 
“Watch your mouth,” he says dryly. Something about the chastisement makes your stomach flip and your whole body tingle. “When you talk to me you call me Spencer. I will also accept Doctor Reid.” You wrestle down a smile, refusing to let him change the subject. A delayed sigh from him sobers up the conversation. “You know what I want. I’ve been very clear with you about that. But…”
“But…?”
Another sigh. A deeper, shuddering sigh, like his breath is searching for balance. Like Spencer is in a precarious position for which he was unprepared. 
“But—but to be completely honest… I worry that you’ll regret choosing me. And I know virginity is a social construct and I’m not implying that your worth will somehow be diminished if we have sex but regardless of my views on virginity as a construct, having sex for the first time can be weird and scary and it’s incredibly intimate and I don’t want you to regret your first time like I regret mine because you chose the wrong person.”
The words come at you so rapid-fire it takes you a moment to process them. And aside from all the ways you want to reassure him that you will not regret choosing him—that you could never, ever regret anything about him—one thing stands out. 
“You regret your first time?” 
Something between a scoff and a sigh travels through the line. You can tell he’s not annoyed at you for asking so much as he’s flustered himself with all his own words as he occasionally does. 
“Yeah. Yes. Sometimes I do. The person—she didn’t… like me as much as I liked her. And I was really, really in love with her, and she knew that and she knew she wasn’t in love with me—or maybe she was, I don’t know—but my point is, when one person likes the other more than the other person like them, things get complicated. And however you feel about me—that’s fine. It’s fine. I don’t want you to feel bad if we don’t feel exactly the same way about each other. I understand that this is newer for you, it’s different, I—I just don’t want us to do something we can’t undo because I don’t want to relive that. And I’m not saying it will never happen but I just don’t want you to make this choice when… when right now, I think we’re in different places emotionally. Regardless of that, I want you to choose the right person. I don’t want you to choose me and then find out that we feel differently after we sleep together and leave you feeling like you signed up for something you didn’t understand. I’m sorry. Maybe telling you this is selfish. But I’ve been thinking about it and trying to ignore it and I think I just have to be completely honest.”
Your ears ring like Spencer just fired a blank right into the microphone. Like you just got backhanded across the face and now you have the world’s worst case of whiplash. 
Every finger is numb and your blood is so cold it feels blue as it slithers thick through your veins. 
What you want to do is scream. What you want to do is go back to last night and stop yourself from almost telling him I love you, slap yourself and keep your cards a little closer to your chest. Because now he knows, and he doesn’t feel the same. 
You want to scream bloody murder. 
But when you try, when you unhinge your jaw and part your chapped lips and expect a bellow to come hurdling up the corridor of your throat with so much force it rattles your bones, all that falls out is a small, “oh.”
Maybe that’s worse. 
Spencer doesn’t reply. You hate yourself for feeling obliged to fill the silence. 
“I didn’t realize you…”
I didn’t realize that you don’t love me back. 
I didn’t realize I like you more than you like me. 
I didn’t realize you’d tell me to masturbate in your fucking bed and then drop this not even five minutes later. 
If Spencer Reid was able to talk to you over the phone with the same amount of affection and familiarity as always, like everything was still okay, knowing you love him and he doesn’t love you the whole time, he is not who you thought he was. 
“I’m sorry,” he lamely says again, like it could ever help. 
More silence. Now you can’t bring yourself to speak, so Spencer does. 
“I realize how awkward this is. I really didn’t mean to put you in this position. Especially not over the phone when I—god, I’m stupid. I’m sorry. But can we—can we talk about this in person when I get back? Please?”
Is that what grownups do? Is the proper etiquette for him to take you out to dinner and explain why he’s not in love with you? Is he going to break up with you?
What does one even wear to a breakup date?
“Okay,” you whisper. Your eyes sting, your everything stings, like you’ve been wrapped in a shroud of briar. Sheets that were soft a moment ago feel like sandpaper on open wounds. You feel like an open wound. 
Spencer sighs. It’s a sound of relief that confuses and hurts you even more. 
“Okay. I—okay. Thank you. Um—I’ll let you go back to sleep, now.”
“Okay,” you repeat—as if any of this were okay. But you can’t keep being that stupid girl who feels it all so much harder, who loves easily and begs to be loved in return, too naive to assume that someone who treats her so kindly might not reciprocate her feelings. It has to be okay, because if it’s not, you’re silly and dramatic and you’re just proving him right. 
“Goodnight,” Spencer whispers, and you can’t help but feeling that it’s the last time you’ll ever hear those words from his mouth while you’re in his bed. And he’s not even fucking here.
So you pull the blanket a little higher. You let your tears stain his pillow because they’ll be invisible by the morning. It will be like they were never here. Like you were never here. 
“Goodnight.”
-
part five
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bkgml · 4 months
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I desperately need a part 2 to the head scratching obsession katsuki has with a few different scenarios preferably MAYBE reader scratches his head w her pretty nails while there hanging out w friends and he’s trying SO HARD not to let them see him fold 😭
OHHHHHHHH YESSSSS
car ride
i’m thinking of u and katsuki sitting in the backseat of a car idk who’s driving maybe it’s a bakusquad road trip and everyone else is asleep
(except kiri who has his eyes locked on the road)
and it’s getting super late but youre still a couple hours from the hotel.
i’m thinking it’s like a van situation and u and kats are in the back back bc kats hates having eyes drilling into the back of his skull.
and you can tell he’s getting super sleepy but he keeps saying he’s fine and he can wait until you’re out of the car.
i’m thinking you’re leaning up against the window with your legs in his lap and his body keeps deflating with tiredness and eventually you just tug at his arm and open yours in invitation.
he huffs but flops down onto your lap anyway but he’s still frowning as if it’s the biggest inconvenience in the world.
until he feels your heavenly nails graze his scalp, sending full body chills through him causing him to nuzzle into you and groan lightly.
it doesn’t take long for him to still, falling into a deep sleep.
and just know he’s going to be annoyed to the max when you get to the hotel. grumbles that you should just sleep in the car.
drunk
you’ve been at the club for 3 hours now, you’re dancing with mina and you look real sexy. if only it wasn’t so late. katsuki is dead tired and is ready to just flop into bed.
“bro take a shot, you look like you’re gonna fall asleep at the table.” kiri advises before downing three shots with denki.
“bullshit.” katsuki murmurs.
“why not bro? you’re not driving.” sero says with a hint of malice in his tone, stuck being the DD for the night.
“whatever. just order more shots.” katsuki groans.
****************************************************
“katsukiiii!” you cheer, skipping over to him giddily.
“that’s not katsuki anymore, yn. thats BIG KB!” denki cheers, earning a groan from mina.
“what is that stupid ass nickname.” she says, rolling her eyes.
taking a closer look at your boyfriend he does seem a little out of it.
“what’s the matter… big kb?” you tease, grinning.
you’re only a little tipsy. mostly high on life of the dance floor but sober enough to think straight.
“had some drinks.” he murmurs, fingers reaching over to rub against your cheek.
you pause, slightly stunned at his words.
“wow.. did you lose a bet kats?” you question, leaning into his touch.
he shakes his head, frowning at you thinking he would ever lose a bet to the idiots.
“nah he was just a sleepy guy, weren’t ya?” denki teases, pinching katsuki’s arm.
katsuki frowns, shrugging denki off.
you giggle leaning closer to katsuki.
“you a little tired, suki?” you whisper to keep the conversation private.
he frowns, offended.
“no? could stay here all night.” he mumbles, crossing his arms over his chest.
you make a ‘really?’ face at him.
he scoffs. as if you don’t believe him, ridiculous.
“go back out and dance.” he says, nudging you away softly.
you hesitate, wanting to settle down for the night yourself now.
katsuki’s so cute when he’s drunk, you just want to be at home with him.
“guys we’re actually just gonna uber home right now, but this was super fun.” you say smiling and katsuki frowns deeply.
the four had moved onto another conversation while you talked to katsuki, their attention now turning to you and your boyfriends big frown.
“wow, getting lucky tonight bakugou?” denki grins.
katsuki wraps an arm around you as if to protect you from his words.
“we’re not even going home, shut it.” he grunts.
you turn your head to look at your boyfriend.
“yes we are.” you say gently.
“no.”
“katsuki, yes.” you say firmly.
“no.”
you feel frustration bubble up in your head but push it down in favour of sneaking your arm behind katsuki’s head, fingers dancing on the very back of his neck.
“no. not this shit.” he groans, but doesn’t move away from your touch.
“shhhh, let’s go home big kb.” you whisper into his ear.
your hand toys with the hairs at the back of his neck before snaking up from his neck to the crown of his head, causing chills to spread throughout katsuki.
he groans deeply.
“fine.” he grits out between his teeth, refusing to look down at you.
“ha! did you see that mina?! did you see-“ denki gets cut off at katsuki shoving him off his place on the booth, making denki tumble onto the floor so you and kats can get out.
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abswife · 5 months
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modern gf! ellie headcanons
i'm in love with this woman so this is what she'd be like as your girlfriend <3
nsfw at the bottom mdni
you'd meet her at a vintage thrift store
you'd be there with a couple of your friends and one of them would be like "omg check out the hottie over there"
and you look over and it's ellie looking gooood
then she'd like trip over the carpet or some shit, looking like a dumbass and your friends would immediately lose interest
but not you
you'd be like hot and awkward??
hell yeah
i am a loser ellie truther i won't be stopped
ESPECIALLY modern ellie
like ellie without all of her trauma would be a total goofball lets be fr
so anyway, you'd find a way to talk to her
and you end up securing those digits
you guys would go on a couple dates and start hanging out a lot
you kept waiting for her to ask you to be her girlfriend but it just wasn't happening
so, you took it upon yourself
once you guys are official, she can be much more suave
however, she's still a goober
she would work at a comic book store
and even though she has tons of comics readily available to her, she still owns a like a whole plastic tub of them
wouldn't even put them on a bookshelf, just keeps them in a plastic tub
she DEFINITELY is still a space nerd
maybe she's a student studying astronomy or something
her idea of a date is watching a movie at home and eating ramen noodles lmao
idk why but i feel like when she's at home she just refuses to wear a shirt
like she is just constantly walking around in her sports bra
she also ABSOLUTELY owns a pair of dinosaur boxers and they are her favorite
her favorite pet names for you are babe and pretty girl
and probably like "my little crunchwrap supreme"
she's the type of girlfriend that would do stupid shit to impress you
like she'd try to jump over a trashcan or something in public and totally eat shit
absolutely oblivious to how hot she is
like girls will stare at her in public and when you get huffy about it she's like "??? what are you talking about?"
nsfw
she is usually a top but will bottom if you ask nicely
despite her awkward and silly personality, in the bedroom she's actually very confident and sexy
though she still likes to mess around and have fun
a MUNCH
she could eat pussy all day it's her favorite activity
when she uses a strap she acts like it's her actual dick
she'd have you suck her off and she'd be moaning and groaning like she can feel it
when she bottoms she likes to be spanked oop-
however a little more hesitant to spank you cause she's like "but baaabe i don't want to hurt you :("
though it doesn't really take much convincing lol
she's got a high libido
bby likes to fuck at least every other day like she's a horny little monster
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noxtivagus · 2 years
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4:44 am late night thoughts under cut bcs i want to talk so much but tags reached way above cap c:
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#🤍#🌙.thoughts#GENUINELY I'M DOING GOOD RN. DEFINITELY. /gen#i just have a lot of thoughts. i find myself rambling a lot every time i start writing in tags oh dear#these r very intimate thoughts of mine at this very late hour#i don't mind though. here online. maybe to whoever may read it they could see some part of themselves in it#i've always loved the ways n possibilities of how we may influence each other in this world#one reason why i write. & why i share. is to make my own opportunity of that possibility w others#sometimes actually w my attunement for these deeper intricacies in life i wonder if i'm even. idk normally fun to be around#but i've had ppl say i'm funny. i've made people laugh n smile. maybe that's proof enough for me that my existence#was loved in those moments. even now maybe for just. being who i am. maybe it really is true.#i find it hard to believe i don't think such beauty is meant for me.#but i think. ultimately. i do deserve the same things that. i think others deserve. i deserve it too.#yeah often i feel like i don't belong in this world but this is enough to keep me going. me. & you.#everything in my worlds. in this universe. & everyone in my life. yeah. life goes by far too fast for hesitation and regrets.#i think it's so beautiful how in a way. you n i. we're so similar yet so different. i wnt to learn sm more abt everyone/everything around m#i think i wna make a sideblog for stuff like this. i realize at heart i'm genuinely a person fond of sharing their thoughts n emotions#i've rambled to myself a lot before in threads in discord servers w friends. in my own discord server. & in tumblr tags#i'm not used to people interacting to it. or being necessarily listened to. or knowing that i am read and seen but i don't really need that#i live like this for me. first and foremost. this is one part of my own inner world#oh god usually i definitely don't talk this much though but it's really really late at night ( early morning )#i'll try not to delete this when i wake up bcs even if i get shy or embarrassed then that'll change nothing deep down#n it's not like it'll directly impact my life yeah? i should have nothing to fear#that ffxiv friend i spent time with earlier today said they'll challenge their shyness#motivated me more to do the same. it's hard n it gets uncomfortable at times n i will experience drawbacks but#i will work hard to challenge myself & become a better person. to forge ahead as i always have.#this is part of who i've always been & part of who i'm growing to be.#why should i hide? in hindsight i will definitely learn to manage it better bcs i should keep my life more private to be safe but#rn tonight i don't think i'll worry. not now. THAT SAID THOUGH i will actually sleep vvv soon fr now c:#oh my god last thought though but i'm rlly rlly curious of others too.... but that's enough thinking for tonight. i will sleep Soon ><
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mypoisonedvine · 5 months
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"I think we're on a first name basis by now." with tommy shelby
kinda went crazy with this one idk what happened lmao
warnings: dubcon smut (18+ only), dark!tommy, innocent/virgin reader, very rough sex, implied age gap, possessiveness, dom/sub dynamics, touch of misogyny kink, degradation, a little spanking
100 random prompts - send me a number and a character!
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You only waited tables a few nights a week, just to make ends meet. You spent more time in the kitchen, actually, than you did in the part of the pub where the rowdy men would gather and drink and start trouble.
So, it was probably just your luck that whenever you were out there among them, Thomas Shelby was, too.
His eyes were always on you-- or it felt like that, sometimes. You looked at him, too: you couldn't help it, after all you'd heard. You couldn't really believe those things were true, that he was really that dangerous... he had kind eyes, you thought, and a nice smile. He looked strong, you couldn't deny that, nor could you deny the strange feelings you felt when his eyes drifted over your body while you wiped down tables and chairs. Your thighs seemed to press together each time he did that...
You almost hoped he wouldn't come tonight. As much as you had a growing interest in him, you always had this guilty feeling inside you after you got home on the nights you saw him. Maybe because, on some level, you knew what it was you felt when he looked at you.
No, he wasn't there when you arrived to the pub-- and you sighed with relief-- but your boss appeared rather suddenly when you stepped inside.
"Need you to go to the back room tonight," he told you firmly.
"Huh? Why?" you wondered.
"Just wait back there," he said simply, giving you no explanation, before walking away to deal with something else. Unsure what he could mean but not wanting to question it further, you went back through the kitchen to the back room of the pub.
It was small, and dark-- you flipped on the lamp, but it wasn't much to look at. A small couch, and a chair and desk, with various papers and letters strewn about. This was where the owner kept track of his records, managed shipments and costs-- probably where he kept track of your hours and compensation as well. You rocked back on your heels for a second before deciding to sit in the chair as you waited.
You couldn't say how long it was, probably only a few minutes, before the door opened and you stood up instinctively; you eyes widened when you saw who was stepping in with you.
"Oh, Mr. Shelby," you greeted nervously, "er-- what are you doing here?"
"I called ahead," he explained simply, shutting the door behind himself, "I told the owner that I wanted to see you."
You chewed your lip nervously. "Oh?"
"Yes," he nodded, approaching you but staying a healthy distance-- for now.
"Well... you can see me almost any night," you noticed.
"But I wanted to see you alone," he clarified.
"Does the boss mind? He must be working all the tables by himself," you wondered aloud.
"He'll be just fine," Tommy assured, "he's being compensated for his time."
Your stomach turned a bit when you realized Tommy had paid your boss to keep you back here for him. You knew then what he wanted, but you were still in denial about what was going to happen here.
He stepped up to you, almost too close, but you didn't have the bravery to take a step back.
He kissed you. It was far too sudden, far too forward-- but his hand slipped around the back of your neck and you felt entirely trapped. You did your best to kiss him back, but you weren't entirely sure how to do it well; you got the sense that things wouldn't turn out well for you if you disappointed him somehow. As he kissed you harder, his tongue slipping into your mouth, you whimpered and pushed him back by his shoulders.
It was an automatic response, but your heart pounded with nervousness as you looked up at him for his reaction: but he seemed oddly calm, not offended by your hesitance. "I-I'm sorry," you mumbled, "you just surprised me..."
"Didn't you want me to kiss you?" he asked.
And, well, that was sort of a complicated question. You had to admit, you'd imagined it before. But something about this felt wrong, even if you found yourself craving more. You'd never felt a heat between your legs quite like this one...
"You thought about more than that, didn't you?" he presumed with a raised brow, and you bit your lip and looked away.
"E-erm, well, I--" you stammered, but that was apparently answer enough for him.
He laughed a little, moving in even closer to you. "You're such a sweet girl," he cooed gently, running his hand along your waist as you shivered. "And pretty, too-- I know all the boys are lookin' at you. But you don't look at the boys, do you?"
You opened your mouth to respond, but failed completely when his fingers nimbly began to untie your apron.
"You just look at me," he continued, his voice getting a bit deeper as he finished.
"M-Mr. Shelby, I--" you started to weakly protest.
"I think we're on a first name basis by now," he said through a smirk.
"Tommy..." you mumbled shakily. "I've... I've never, erm, known a man before..."
He smiled even wider, the sharpness of his teeth seeming predatory. "Would you like to?" he asked, making your throat a little dry.
"W-well, I always thought I'd... I'd wait until I was married."
"Not all of us have that sort of patience," he explained, suddenly pulling your body flush against his and latching his lips onto your neck. You shuddered and whined, wrapping your arms around his neck since you weren't sure what else to do with them; whenever his tongue danced along your pulse, it sent a shock through your whole body and you whimpered with need.
You barely noticed he was guiding you back, not until he broke away and tossed you down onto the sofa suddenly, making you gasp.
You thought he would lay down on top of you, set himself between your legs-- but instead he roughly turned you around, shoving your face down into the old sofa at the same time that his other hand forced your hips up towards his.
You hadn't even had a chance to think-- he was already shoving your skirts up, yanking your undergarments out of the way, leaving you bare to the drafty air of the room. "T-Tommy, wait," you mumbled weakly, but he either didn't hear you or didn't care. He only growled lowly as he examined you; you both knew, then, how wet you'd become.
"Fuckin' dripping," he observed, seemingly to himself, though you heard him loud and clear as you shut your eyes tight.
He let go of your hips a second later and you heard him taking off his suspenders, but you couldn't look back at him with that other hand still tangled in your hair.
You heard him pushing his trousers down; you heard him spit into his hand and rub it over himself. You still couldn't quite process that this was all happening to you. What happened to that kind-looking man in the pub who would make your heart flutter by brushing his hand over yours? He didn't seem to have that sense of discretion now...
You gasped just from him pressing the tip up to your opening-- you couldn't even describe how you reacted when he actually shoved it in. (Yes, it took a real shove, because you were anything but prepared to take something inside you, let alone something like that.)
"O-oh, no-- oh, it hurts," you whimpered, wincing at the burning sting, holding on tighter to the cushion under you. "Tommy! Y-you're hurting me!"
"Shh, shh," he soothed sharply, groaning as he went deeper inside you, holding on tight to your waist again-- conveniently keeping your back from arching up the wrong way.
You let out a shuddering sigh and tried to relax when he slowed down. "I-is it done?" you asked nervously.
He laughed darkly. "No, sweetie, it's not even halfway in you."
He went a bit deeper again and you choked on a sob. "P-please, don't put in anymore," you begged.
"It only hurts at first," he assured, "then it feels good. It's what it's made for, love. What'd you think was supposed to go up there?"
He was joking, but it still made you feel dumb and shy, and your face heated up even more.
"I'll put the rest in now-- no cryin' this time, be good," he warned. Sliding deeper with one long stroke, until the tip of him reached so deep your stomach started to hurt, he let out a long sigh of satisfaction. "Fuck, nice and warm."
You were thankful he didn't start to move right away, because you were breathing heavy and fast like it was the greatest physical challenge of your life... it probably was, honestly. How could anything like that fit inside you? It felt like he was creating something entirely new inside you-- he certainly made you feel things you'd never felt before.
He started to move, slow and methodical at first, sighing as he savored the feeling of you. You shivered, toes curling in your shoes, trying to stay still and not tense up inside. It was hard to relax, though, in a situation like this... with a man like him.
Each thrust was a little faster than the last; he never quite set a reliable pace, just getting used to the feeling of you.
"So fuckin' tight," he praised deeply, digging his fingers harder into your skin. "The way this cunt grips me... she never wants me to leave, I bet."
He guided you to stay partially upright again, and you put your arms out under yourself to try to stay on your hands and knees. His fingers traced up your back through the dress, before holding onto your shoulder for leverage as he began to really fuck you. Hard. Still slow, but it seemed like he was only going that slow so he could put all his energy into each deep thrust.
You yelped with every slam forward, legs shaking constantly, the sound of his skin hitting yours making you feel a bit... filthy. All of this felt filthy. You felt cheap and disgusting and used. So why in God's name was it beginning to feel good?
He noticed the change right away; he couldn't have felt the difference that you did, the way the sharp pain melted into a pleasant, numbing stretch-- but he could hear it, your moans getting deeper and more confident and needier.
"See? Fuck, knew you were just a little whore," he growled in your ear as he leaned down over you, making you shut your eyes and moan lowly. "Knew you were a cockhungry little cunt like the rest of 'em. You can act innocent all you want, sweetie, but you wanted me to ruin you so badly..."
He was fucking you faster, a little more eagerly, trying to see how hard he could push you. You dropped your head limply but he put a hand on your forehead and pulled it back up, keeping you against his shoulder as he fucked you senseless.
"It's so fuckin' deep in you now, love," he growled. "Can't believe you made it this long without somebody breakin' in this cunt. And now it's mine, huh? Property of Tommy fuckin' Shelby."
You whined, losing the last bit of strength in your arms as your face fell down into the sofa's cushions again. He didn't seem to mind this time, taking a hold of your hips and staying upright as he set a brutal place of slamming thrusts into you. You cried some, but you weren't sure if it was from the pain or pleasure or shame or joy of it all.
"Nobody else s'gonna ever touch you," he promised roughly, delivering a harsh smack to your ass for no good reason except to make you jump. "Nobody else will ever get inside this pretty cunt but me."
You whined, but the way you clenched around him gave away how you really felt about the idea.
"You want me to own you, huh?" he noticed with a dark laugh. "You want to belong to me. Be my little whore, my dumb fucktoy--"
"Oh, Tommy," you whimpered, not sure if you loved or hated him talking like that. It made you feel a little awful, but you were so wet that it was running down your thighs now...
"You'll let me come and fuck you whenever I like," he decided-- or maybe he was explaining it all to you, the new rules of your life as his belonging. "You'll give me whatever I want. And you'll fuckin' thank me when I'm done."
You whined loudly.
"Yes?"
You tried to nod, but he grabbed your hair.
"Say it, whore," he demanded.
"Yes! Yes," you sobbed, "I'll be yours, Tommy."
"Good," he purred. "Hold on tighter to the cushion now, love-- I'm not gonna be gentle with ya anymore."
You hadn't realized that everything up until now was what he considered gentle... and your heart twisted with a sickly pleasurable fear of what was in store for you from now on.
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Note
can i request for jingyuan x shy pillow princess reader? :)c
Omg yes this is my first request that isn't from a mutual I'm so excited and flattered 😭 I really hope you enjoy it!!
Not So Bad, Is It?
Warnings: NSFW, little bit of praise (he calls reader good girl), unprotected sex, fingering and oral (f receiving)
Word Count: 2.1k i was just writing idk what happened ☠
Under the cut!
"Come on, let me see your face." Jing Yuan cooed, hovering above you.
You were both in your underwear, and your face was beet red.
His erection was so prominent against the tightness of his briefs, you immediately hid your face in embarrassment the moment you saw it. It's not like you were a virgin, but seeing his desire so shamelessly displayed had you hiding your face behind your hands.
"Nuh-uh." You responded, giving a little shake of your head.
"But it's so beautiful. I want to see exactly how you look when I make you cum on my tongue."
You sucked in a breath at the thought, legs tightening around him.
Jing Yuan began planting kisses over your hands and then down to your neck, nuzzling his way under your arm and forcing one of your hands away.
He looked at you, smiling wider as you cracked an eye open at him.
"See? Not so bad, is it? Now how about removing the other one."
You huffed a sigh and brought both of your hands down, covering your chest in the process.
"Oh now don't do that." he said, looking at your cleavage compressed against your chest. He sat back on his knees and reached out to grab your hands, interlacing his fingers with one as he kissed the inside of your wrist on the other.
You bit your lip, face growing redder at how exposed you felt, not being able to look him in the eyes. Jing Yuan was nothing if not an attentive lover, so he picked up on your hesitation immediately.
"We don't have to go any further if you don't want to." He said earnestly.
You took a breath, "It's not that I don't want to keep going. I'm just not used to....all that." You said, gesturing towards his erection. He was well-endowed, that's for sure. It sent tingles down your spine but also made you look away.
Jing Yuan paused for a moment before giving a hearty laugh.
"All that? Well don't worry," he let go of your hands and crawled back over your body to meet your face, "you can just lay there and let me take care of everything."
He planted a kiss at the corner of your mouth and worked his way down your neck to your breasts. He had already fondled and played with them earlier when you were both making out, but now instead of grabbing the one that wasn't in his mouth, his hand kept moving further down to slide over your mound.
You sighed and tangled your hands in his hair as his thumb lightly rubbed your clit through the thin cloth of your panties.
You opened your legs wider and tipped your head back and his fingers poked at your entrance, feeling around at the wetness that was dripping from you. He moaned around your nipple as he sunk a finger in and your back arched off the bed.
He briefly glanced at your face as he switched to your other breast and curled his finger inside you and rubbed his thumb in a circle. Your eyes were closed and you were biting your lip, trying to stifle your moans.
Well that won't do, he thought, and added another finger as he started pumping them both in and out of you.
You couldn't help but moan that time, his fingers stretching you out and reaching places you couldn't yourself.
"Mm, that's more like it." He hummed against your nipple.
You blushed and tried biting your lip again to stifle yourself, but Jing Yuan wasn't having it.
He detached from your nipple and abruptly took his fingers out of you, but before you could ask why he stopped, he was settling his head between your legs and eating your pussy like a man starved.
He licked and sucked at your clit with a fervor that had you throwing your head back and moaning loudly, unable to control yourself.
He moaned in response against you, the vibrations of it heightening the pleasure you were feeling. He dipped his tongue down into your entrance, licking at your walls and curling his tongue inside of you while his thumb went back to playing with your clit.
Your moans were coming faster now and your breathing was heavy. You could feel yourself almost reaching that peak of release and you couldn't stop squirming under him, your body naturally reacting to his stimulation and trying to cross that threshold into explosive bliss.
You covered your mouth to quiet yourself as you felt that knot in your stomach about to snap, but the moment you did, Jing Yuan stopped.
You looked at him, panting and desperate, "Why'd you stop?"
"I want to hear you." He said, licking the wetness around his lips. You tasted divine. "Don't stifle yourself. There's nobody here but you and me. Be as loud as you want. Be louder, even."
"But-"
"No buts. That's an order." A sly smile crossed his face and you blushed even harder as his command made your pussy throb.
"O-okay."
"Good girl." And he immediately picked up where he left off. His demand and praise made you feel hot, and it wasn't long before you were once again on the brink of an orgasm, except this time you didn't bother covering your mouth.
Your moans spurred Jing Yuan on and he worked your pussy with his fingers as he shook his head over your clit, tongue dragging across it.
You came hard, hips bucking up with each wave of your orgasm that hit you. You moaned loudly through the whole thing, much to Jing Yuan's pleasure.
His cock throbbed in his briefs as he felt your walls clench and unclench around his fingers as you came, cum dripping out of you. A wet spot had formed in his briefs from how much precum he'd been leaking. He couldn't wait to replace his fingers with his dick and see just how loud he could make you scream.
As you came down from your orgasm Jing Yuan took his fingers out and sucked them clean. You were so dazed from your orgasm that you barely found it in you to be embarrassed. You couldn't believe how hard you came. Something about allowing yourself to moan and react freely made it so much more intense.
As you caught your breath Jing Yuan removed his briefs, stroking his cock as he watched the wet spot form under your cunt. Damn, you were going to feel so good around him, he thought.
When he looked up he caught you staring at him, or rather, maybe you caught him staring. Regardless he moved to crawl back over your body, his heavy erection resting over your clit and making you shudder.
"Are you ready to see just how loud you can be?" His question was genuine as he planted kisses across your neck.
"I-I- um" You stuttered at his question but also at the way his length was dragging across your clit as he slowly rocked his hips.
"Like I said, you don't have to do a thing," he kissed your flushed cheek, "just lay here," and your other one, "and let me make you feel good." He said against your lips before closing the distance and kissing you deeply. He moved his hips back so that his tip was at your entrance and you moaned into his mouth as he prodded at it.
You opened your legs wider, giving him permission, and he pushed his tip in, causing you both to moan against each other.
You ran your hands through his hair as his lips moved against yours and he slowly slid in, inch by inch, stretching your pussy and filling you up completely. When he finally bottomed out, he broke the kiss, both of you were panting hard.
"So good, and you took it all." He said as he tucked his head into the crook of your neck, sucking on the skin there.
He gave you a second to get used to his size, and when he felt your pussy flutter around him he began to move.
He pulled his hip back until he was almost completely out of you and then pushed back in in one slow, fluid movement.
"Oooohhhh" You groaned. The drag of him against your walls caused one long pleasureful ache in your pussy.
He did it again, savoring how easily he could slide in and out, both of you groaning in unison.
After the second one though he picked up his pace, pulling out but pushing back in faster and harder, causing his tip to hit your g-spot and making you yelp.
"Oh right there, huh?" He cooed breathily, snapping his hips into you again and pounding into that sweet spot over and over.
"Oh god... Jing Yuan." You moaned, tits bouncing as he pounded into you.
"Yes moan my name. Moan my name again."
He sped up, every thrust into you sending shock waves of pleasure to your core as you moaned his name with each one. You could hear his balls slapping against your ass with the force of each thrust and it heightened your arousal.
In the back of your mind you could feel your embarrassment at how loud you were being but the way he was making you feel. The way his cock was drilling into you and the way his pupils dilated when you said his name had you leaning into it.
Your own moans were bringing you close to orgasming with the same quickness as when he was eating you out. You could feel that familiar tightening as he built you up with each thrust.
"Fuck." He moaned as he felt your pussy tightening around him. It felt even better than he could have imagined and he could feel himself getting close too. He wanted to last longer but the way you were moaning his name and panting had him needing to bust right inside of you.
Jing Yuan moved so that he was no longer hovering over you and instead sitting back on his knees, holding both of your legs against his chest.
"Oh fuck, Jing Yuan, fuck." You had started bouncing between cursing and his name. He was going in so deep now and you could see the sweat drip down his chest and his abs flex as he fucked himself into you over and over again.
"Im gonna cum im gonna cum i'm gonna-" Your words were cut off by your orgasm. You arched off the bed as you came, screaming the general's name as you felt your entire body shatter. It was electric the way the pleasure radiated out to every nerve and you felt your pussy clenching and unclenching as your cum gushed around him.
Your screaming and orgasm pushed Jing Yuan over the edge and he was emptying everything he had into you, balls tight as rope after rope of his cum coated your walls white and your pussy milked him for all he had.
After a second, he released your legs and they fell on either side of him as he sat back on his calves. Both of you breathing hard.
You stared at the ceiling as you tried to come back to yourself. You had never cum that hard in your life. Nobody had ever made you lose yourself so completely. You were always so shy when it came to sex that even if it felt good you tried to keep quiet.
But something about Jing Yuan made that impossible. Even if he didn't tell you not to stifle yourself, you're not sure you would have been very successful anyways. You blushed when you thought about him telling you to moan his name.
Jing Yuan pulled himself out and moved to lay down next to you, propping himself up on his elbow.
"I think it's safe to say you enjoyed yourself, yes?" He traced his finger over your stomach as you still tried to catch your breath.
"Yeah...yeah I think so." You said, avoiding his eyes.
"Oh now that's not very convincing. I suppose I'll just have to make you scream even louder next time."
Your eyes widened and you covered your face with your hands again, embarrassed to think about how loud you must have been.
Jing Yuan laughed, "Oh come now I'm just teasing. There's nothing to be embarrassed about. And few things are better than knowing how good you make your partner feel; I've lived long enough to say that with some confidence."
You peaked at him through your fingers.
He radiated such a genuine warmth. It was easy to let your guard down around him, and you slowly moved your hands down.
He smiled at you before leaning in to kiss your forehead.
"There, not so bad, is it?"
513 notes · View notes
tiza0925 · 1 month
Note
Idk if you take requests but Hinata,Tsukishima, Or Atsumu with an S/o that has a choking kink?? You can write however you want (u dont have to take this req, if u dont want to) :))
how about all three hq men ♡ i loved this prompt, ty for the request anon 
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Wrap your fingers around my neck | 18+
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Warnings/Tags: nsfw, afab/female!reader, riding, lap sex, raw sex, kissing, praise kink, creampie, finger sucking, degradation kink, dirty talk, pussy eating, squirting, petnames, fingering, needy!Atsumu, pussy slapping, kitchen counter sex, choking kink ♡ SET IN A TIMELINE WHERE ALL CHARACTERS ARE AGED-UP AND OVER 18 YEARS
Pairings:  Hinata Shouyou x Female Reader, Tsukishima Kei x Female Reader, & Miya Atsumu x Female Reader
MINORS DO NOT INTERACT
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Hinata
It was an honest accident. 
Hinata didn’t mean to do it—and you genuinely did not think he would follow along after but—
Hinata always loses himself a little whenever he kisses you. 
He can’t help it. 
Your lips feel so nice and soft against his. You taste so good when he licks his tongue inside your mouth and fuck—the little moans you make against him get his head all hazy, and he just wants his hands all over you—
“Shit,” Hinata murmurs, his breathing a little heavy as he pulls on your lower lip with his mouth, and his hands roam up your thighs, the curve of your hips, the dip of your waist—touching you everywhere while you sit on his lap, straddling him, as he sits up against the bed frame. “So pretty, angel.” 
You let out a shaky breath against his mouth, and you grind your hips towards him—pulling out a hiss from Hinata as his cock moves inside you. 
“Keep going, baby,” Hinata groans when you roll your hips again, and you gasp as his cock hits against your g-spot while your clit rubs against his exposed skin, and you dig your fingers into his broad, muscled shoulders for support. 
“Just like that,” Hinata’s hands are squeezing your ass, holding your hips, grabbing your tits—they’re everywhere and he can’t seem to control it when he’s like this. 
He just loves how you feel under the palm of his hand—maybe just a bit more than a volleyball—and his head is in the clouds as your pussy swallows him so perfectly, taking his thick cock like you always do, that he—
He doesn’t realize that one of his hands has moved further up to graze over your collarbone and shoulders. 
He’s too busy focusing on how sinful your tongue feels gliding against his. 
How your pussy is so damn wet—you’re dripping all over his dick—and god, you’re tight, that he’s so close to exploding—
Hinata doesn’t realize that his hand is near your neck—your skin is so soft and nice under his hand that everywhere feels the same—
It’s why he mindlessly circles his fingers around the base of your neck when his palm is there—he just needs his entire hand to feel you.
And you suck in a sharp breath as the feel of long, strong, and thick fingers curl around your throat—so hot and firm—and that’s Hinata freezes. 
Shit. 
He’s ready to apologize profusely—his fingers are already beginning to uncurl from your neck—because he didn’t mean to hold you that way but—
But then he hears you let out a moan—small, shaky, and wanting—and you buck your hips up against him, kissing him more feverishly, causing Hinata’s eyes to droop and roll back, a small groan ripping out of him when he realizes—
You liked that. 
“Yeah?” Hinata breathes out in response to your moan, and his fingers stay where they are—just a little hesitant with the pressure—as you ride him, your lashes fluttering as his heavy hand sits around your throat. “You liked that, didn’t you?” 
You nod, eyelids feeling heavy, and Hinata lets loose a low breath, shaking his head and smirking as he kisses you, murmuring against your red lips. “Should’ve told me you like that sooner, baby.” 
Because now that he knows you like having his hand around your throat like that—
“Would’ve made that pretty little head of yours all dizzy a long time ago,” Hinata rolls his hips up as he says that, shoving his cock a little deeper until you swear you feel it in your guts, causing you to gasp with a wet moan, and he puts a little more pressure on the sides of your neck with the pads of his finger—his eyes focused on yours. “Is that okay, angel?” 
More than okay—fuck, your head feels a little more light-headed now. 
You can still breathe, but the pressure around your throat brings out a blurry fog around the edges of your vision, and your cunt clenches around Hinata’s cock—making him groan—as your fluids leak out, getting him all wet and messy from how heated you are. 
It’s so overwhelming and you love it. 
You nod, moving your hips in tandem with his—languid rolls as his dick rubs your g-spot over and over, bringing you higher and tighter and hotter for your orgasm—
“Good girl,” Hinata praises, breathless, and uses his hold around your throat to pull you in closer—letting him kiss you like he’s greedy for your mouth as he licks and sucks and nips until you feel all woozy from it—then he moves to brush his mouth against the shell of your ear, his voice throaty as he pushes his hips up. “Can you cum for me like this, baby?”
Your pussy throbs around the girth of him when you feel his fingers press against the sides of your throat a little more, his hold around the most vulnerable part of you feeling possessive like he can own you if he wanted to. 
And you trust him enough to give it if he asks.
Your lips part with soft breaths being punched out with every buck of his hips, fucking you to make your mind melt, and he grazes his teeth against your earlobe—your heart leaping in your throat when he gently squeezes your neck, testing it until you moan in approval, losing yourself to how full you feel from his dick. “I want you to make a mess, angel, you always look so pretty when you do.” 
God—
It only takes a few more pumps of his cock inside you, your walls sucking him in, while your puffy clit rubs against your stomach until your orgasm ripples through you—your mouth hanging open with a silent moan as you gush around Hinata’s cock, legs tensing and back arching as your vision goes blurry and white as he keeps his hands where they are. “Fuck—so good for me, baby, look at you—”
He fucks you through it, nearing his orgasm as you pulse around him, and Hinata cums with a guttural groan—sticky cum spurting into your plush walls—
And his hand stays around your throat the entire time—holding and pinning you in place just the way you like it. 
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Tsukishima
It’s not news to him that you like the feeling of his hand around your throat. 
He’s been playing around with the idea for a while, now, whenever he’s touching you—just in subtle ways. 
Whenever he kisses you, he places his hand just above your collarbone—not fully on your neck, but the tease is there—and slots his lips between yours with a sigh. 
Or it’s when you two are out in public and it’s a little too busy and you easily become lost in the crowd—Tsukishima guides you with his hand wrapping delicately against your nape, keeping you close while he has you in his hold. 
He always picked up on the way you reacted whenever he touched you there. 
How blown your pupils would get. 
How your breath would hitch with your lips parting with a small intake of breath. 
How dazed you would look in the eyes—making him feel just a little smug about finding out a little secret about you that he definitely plans to use one night. 
It’s when he’s got you lying on the bed all pretty for him—looking up at him with starry eyes as he pumps two of his fingers in and out of your drenched pussy—with his other hand caressing your cheek, his thumb teasing your lower lip. 
And he’s smirking down at you—in his usual lackadaisical way— with one of his knees sitting between your bent legs as he presses the pad of his thumb down onto your lower lip to pry your mouth open. “You always need something to suck on, don’t you?”
He teases you, his voice low and mirthful, and all it does is make your pussy clench as you moan—rolling your tongue out to flick it at his thumb before wrapping your warm mouth around it, your cheeks hollowing as you give his thumb a slow, indulgent suck.
“Shit,” It’s the way you keep eye contact with him as your head moves, leaving his thumb shiny with your saliva as you suck it, that sends heat down to his cock, making him feel light in the head. “You’re a needy little thing, you know.” 
You make a sound that’s similar to a moan around his thumb, and your eyes flutter, going half-mast, as you bob your head and swirl your tongue around his thumb as if it was his cock instead. 
And Tsukishima can’t help it—you look so desperate like this, your back arching against his hovering body, looking up at him so obediently, with your tits all perked up and nipples pert and pretty as you leak all over his hand—
It’s filthy and you—
“A perfect little slut,” Tsukishima lets those words slip out, a groan in his throat, and you choke a little with a whimper when you feel him press his thumb into your mouth a bit deeper, affection lacing his rather filthy words.
And you moan—low and wanting—when you hear him call you that, and Tsukishima can’t help but chuckle darkly as he leans in a little closer, his head tilting almost mockingly as he watches you with desire and affection. “Yeah?”
He curls his fingers to rub your spongey g-spot, his palm pressing against your swollen little clit for friction that sends heat up your tummy and chest. “You like being a little slut for me, sweetheart?” 
Fuck. 
“Looking like the mess that you are just because of me,” Tsukishima hums, his voice low. “You can hear just how soaked you are, you know.” 
You whine around his thumb as your orgasm balances at the edge—ready to combust with how tight your muscles feel—and you nod. 
God—you’re too perfect for him. 
He can’t help the small smile that threatens to creep up on him, trying to focus on making you cum—for the second time tonight—on his fingers before he finally fucks you the way you both need him to and—
And then his eyes widen a little, turning more amorous when his eyes briefly flit down to your exposed throat—
“…You can get a little more messy for me, right baby?” It’s not a question. 
Just a warning worded more sweetly. 
Because before you even get a chance to respond to him—
You feel his thumb slip out of your mouth—making a wet popping sound with your spit connecting a thin, clear string from your mouth to his thumb, leaving you gasping for air—
Only for it to be partially taken away again when you feel long, calloused fingers gently wrap around the area just beneath your jawline—and your eyes widen as you look at him, your breath catching, and he watches you with a knowing look behind his eyes. 
Like he knows that no matter what—you’ll trust him.
And he’s not wrong—you do. 
Enough to let your eyes immediately soften into submission, your lips wet from your saliva, and you let out a small moan as you tilt your chin up—giving him more room for his fingers to hold and cover. 
It brings out a hiss from him, low and breathy, and you see the way things primarily shift in his eyes when you begin to pant, moving your hips as he fucks you with his fingers—encouraging him to push harder and make you lose your mind. 
And god—he listens almost instantly as he squeezes the sides of your neck a little more, and you moan as you get a little hazy in the head, your limbs loose as his fingers move inside you. 
“Fuck, look at you,” Tsukishima lets out a small breath that’s almost a chuckle, and he watches you with his dick throbbing as you let him take the weakest part of your body into his own hands to play with. 
Giving him that trust that gets him all heady and needy to just—
To just kiss you and fuck you and take all of you until all you feel, smell, taste, and hear is him. 
“Always so good for me, sweetheart.” 
He grinds his palm against your clit with more pressure, moving it in circles as his fingers get swallowed by your pulsing walls—and then he’s pressing his fingers into your pulse points a little more, slowly playing with your ability to breathe, feeling his hand heavy around your neck until—
“Oh fuck—Kei—shit—”
You gasp, shaky, and your lower spine draws tight when your eyes get blurry from the brief lack of air—and that seems to snap something deep within you as you cum furiously around his fingers, spasming and gasping with your senses turning numb—
“Just like that, baby—get all nasty for me—“
Tsukishima finger fucks you through it, watching with dark eyes as he loosens up his fingers around your throat—and clear fluids squirt out of your sopping pussy with every thrust of his wrist inside you.
You end up gushing fluids all over the bed and his thighs—but Tsukishima doesn’t care. 
He’s too wound up and high on watching you cum on him to care about how sticky everything is—
It’ll only get messier once he gets his dick inside you anyway. 
You cry, coming down from your high as air rushes into your lungs after your orgasm—your pussy clenching hard from wave after wave of pleasure—
“I’m going to fuck you now, okay?” You hear him breathe that out. “And fill you up just how you like it.” 
You’re still too out of it to respond with anything other than a languid nod, feeling light and a puddle of fire at the same time as he kisses you so achingly soft that you melt against him. 
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Atsumu
If he isn’t spending his time practicing or playing volleyball—
Miya Atsumu’s idea of using his time effectively is by having his hands and mouth on and all over you.
Specifically being able to bury his face in between your plush thighs—with his mouth and tongue pressed against your cunt. 
It’s what he’s doing right now as he’s got you bent over the island counter in your kitchen—while he’s on his knees behind you, hands gripping onto your upper thighs to hold you in place, with his tongue running a wide strip from your clit to your hole. 
“God—‘Sumu, you couldn’t have waited—?” 
You moan with a small whine as he sucks on your folds, tongue dipping in and jaw working as he makes out with your pussy from behind. 
“Sorry, baby,” Atsumu is breathing heavily when he pulls back, and he wets his lips as he slides his hands up to squeeze your ass—massaging it before using his hold on them to spread them apart, giving him easier access to your cunt.
And his eyes go half-lidded, his cock hardening in his pants, at the sight of your spit-slicked and soaked folds. “Can’t help it.”
Then he dives back in, jaw slack as his tongue licks your pussy like he’s thirsty for it, and you whine at how embarrassingly close you are to your orgasm already. 
“Ya looked so good in that skirt,” Atsumu murmurs against you, undulating his tongue against your clit before pushing the tip of his tongue through your drooling slit—
And he moans. 
He actually moans while he eats you out—like he’s just so desperate to have his mouth on you, determined to get you utterly soaked as your juices trickle down his chin and your thighs from how much he’s gotten you worked up. 
“Couldn’ wait,” Atsumu pants, swallowing before pushing his tongue further to lick your sensitive clit—flicking it with his tongue until he has you tensing and your thighs squeezing around his face. ‘Fuck—baby, so good—”
A whimper escapes your throat, and you rest your forehead against your arms that are on the counter, pushing your hips back to fuck yourself on his face until that ball of heat explodes in between your legs—and your orgasm throbs through you. 
Liquid heat spreads through your body, and you moan through it all as Atsumu licks and sucks and eats, groaning so low and needy, until your clit twitches with oversensitivity and you’re whining. 
“So pretty f’me,” You hear him mutter, sounding drunk off the taste of your cunt, and your entire body jolts as a sharp gasp slips through your parted lips when you feel a slap against your sopping folds. 
And Atsumu’s head spins when he stands back up—his eyes focused on the way your arousal drools down from your pussy lips, a thin string of clear fluid running down to the floor and—
“God damn, baby, ya drooling.” Two of his fingers strum your slit, getting his fingers all nice and shiny and creamy from your orgasm, feeling your cute little cunt pulse around them. 
Then—
You choke out a broken gasp when he slaps your pussy again, hearing the wet smack against his hand, and Atsumu’s voice comes out in a low drawl right after. “Turn around, love.” 
Your legs buckle when you do—your movements slow with that ache still there between your legs—
But Atsumu is right there—guiding you with gentle touches over your legs and hips—and the moment you’re facing him—
He gives you one, heated look—his eyes lowered and so murky with desire—before he captures your lips with his, and you exhale a sharp breath through your nose when you can taste yourself in his mouth. 
God. 
You kiss him back, though, a little sloppy with how muddled your head is, and you make these tiny sounds that Atsumu eagerly swallows up—while his hands move to squeeze your ass, then move down until they’re at the back of your thighs and—
“Lift up for me,” He mumbles against your mouth, and you follow almost immediately—one leg moving to wrap around his waist after the other—and you use your hold around his neck for support, kissing him with a small grunt when he lifts you to sit your ass on the edge of the counter. 
It causes the cool surface to brush against your bare pussy, pulling out a gasp from you, and Atsumu breathes heavily against you as he grinds his clothed bulge—god, it’s so fucking big—against your pussy, making you all dizzy with it. “‘M gonna fuck you, okay?” 
He kisses you again, his rough hands running up and spreading goosebumps over your legs until they just reach the part where your hips and thighs meet. “And you gonn’ take it like a good girl f’me, yeah?” 
You whimper with a small nod, kissing him and bucking your hips back at him almost impatiently. 
“Say it, baby.” 
Shit—
“O-okay,” You breathe out, too high off the bliss of your post-orgasm to care about the fact that he’s going to fuck you raw—
You don’t even realize he doesn’t have a condom on until he’s pulling his pants and underwear down to let his dick bounces free, and it slaps against your upper thigh—feeling so heavy and hot and smooth and—
Exposed—with his pre-cum leaking from the fat tip and onto your leg, making more of a mess on you. 
“Good,” Atsumu praises you, kissing you as he slides his thick cock through your pussy folds, getting it all nice and wet, before sliding in—pushing the fat tip through your hole so easily and he’s bottoming out in one, fluid motion. “So fuckin’ good, darlin’.” 
Your eyes roll back, and your legs around him tighten as he pulls out—only to roll his hips against you, making you feel the heat of his skin flush against yours as he fucks his cock into your needy walls. 
He fucks you with his hands pinning you down to the counter by your hips—making your body jolt with every thrust—and tiny, wet moans get punched out of you as your mouth hovers against his. 
It causes your juices to gush out with every rock of his hips, making a mess on the counter, as loud and wet squelches fill the kitchen to show just how wrecked you are. 
And it all just adds to the feverish warmth that’s flooding your clit and lower belly—that tension building until it’s ready to snap again with every brush against your g-spot and—
And you don’t realize the fingers around your throat until you feel a slight pressure in your head, and heat pressing against the sides of your neck. 
And when your eyes—all wide and glossy—flit up to meet Atsumu’s—
He’s already looking right at you, watching you, focused to see your reaction—as if he’s waiting for you to tell him to stop—while still fucking your sensitive pussy. 
But you don’t. 
Instead, you let out a moan in approval, your eyelids dropping in response, and your cunt clenches around his girth as you kiss him softly, panting against his mouth with a soft mutter. “Harder.” 
And god—hearing that does astronomical things to his head and dick. 
“Fuck,” You feel his groan vibrate against you, all low and throaty, as his fingers grow firmer around your delicate throat—and his pace picks up as he starts to get needier for your sweet pussy. “Don’ think ‘mma last long, baby.”
He doesn’t let you respond.
Not when he’s quick to hitch your legs higher—and he uses his hold around your throat to push you down until your back is flat against the counter’s surface, and your eyes blow wide with a woosh of your breath escaping your lungs. 
“Ya think you can keep all f’me inside you, sweetheart?” He asks, voice so sweet and cooing as if he isn’t fucking your guts and making you choke as his body hovers over you, and he’s smirking down at you as he takes in just how good his hand looks around your neck. 
“I want this pretty lil pussy to get messy, kay?” 
Your eyes roll back when the pressure under your jawline grows, making you feel light-headed, and—
You should feel somewhat alarmed with how easily he can choke you. 
To hold the power over your body just like that—with no effort whatsoever. 
He’s stronger than you.
So much bigger than you. 
And his hands and fingers are dominating and heavy but—
But all you do is look up at him in submission, all hazy and eyes shiny with lust as your fingers wrap around his wrist as support, laying there and taking his cock as another orgasm rips out of you. 
You trust him to never hurt you—to take things too far. 
He’s always knew just how far to take things with you—to dance on that delicate line of risk and pleasure for you. 
It only takes another few strokes inside you, your g-spot overstimulated, for you to cum around him, electrified and feel like you’re floating as he fucks your pussy—all puffy and abused as it squirts so much on his dick and the counter—
And nothing but the sound of wet skin slapping against wet skin fills your ears, and your entire body shakes when Atsumu moans so desperately against you.
And his hand never leaves your throat, even as he kisses every inch of your face to soothe and praise you while you cry from your orgasm—and he’s following soon after with his hot cum filling you up till your pussy is leaking both of your fluids everywhere. 
Getting you all messy like he said you would. 
end ♡
Masterpost
998 notes · View notes
tears-of-boredom · 2 years
Text
Really wishing my water was vodka
#idk i wish i could go to school tomorrow tipsy..#i dont really know why. it just seems like itd make it easier..#my mom brought a pretty big bottle of some alcohol a while back from some girls cabin trip and she keeps it in the fridge..#i dont know shit about alcohol so i cant tell you what it is except that its clear..#i have hesitated twice now when ive seen it.. it really shows how much trust she has in us..#im not gonna take it but i still want to..#i hope that all kinds of alcohol taste like garbage because im worried for my health if i want it this badly now..#and i really hope it wont become a coffee situation where i never like it but still for some reason drink it..#i want my first alcohol to be in some rasberry bullshit drink so i will forever associate it with artificial rasberry taste.#and gag even at the thought of drinking more..#its just kinda sad everytime i pause in place. contemplating on whether or not to take one of the beer cans in the back of our fridge..#i mean. mom wont drink them and i dont want them to go to waste now do i..#i can control my urges if i want to. thankfully i still want to control that urge..#im just worried for when i have a really bad day and mom happens to be out of the house..#i dont want this.. i want something else.. i want a life where i feel like people are PC's.. thats a stupid way to describe it.#but other people truly do feel like NPC's to me..#they speak to me when i approach. otherwise they stick to their coded routine..#even the name yelling feels like i just achieved some invisible goal and now they do that..#the only reaction they have to being touched is when you shove them..#i hate this#i stood in the middle of our kitchen for 30 seconds doing visibly nothing because#i was contemplating on whether or not to ask my sister for a hug.. i didnt ask..#no one else just feels real but when im in school i cant just stare at people because they can actually notice it..#sorry i guess#i dont know if im supposed to be sorry about this. probably not..#venting
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moonstruckme · 8 months
Note
Ok James but him and his slytherin girlfriend seem to come out of nowhere and the boys are supportive but are more mad at James for not telling them? Idk I loved your other fic SO MUCH
Thanks for requesting <3
part 1
cw: mention of injury, no details or anything though
James Potter x Slytherin!reader ♡ 1.5k words
You hesitate outside the doorway to the infirmary at the raised voices coming from inside. 
You don’t need to be here, strictly speaking. James told you his injury wasn’t bad, and he has his friends to help him if he needs it, but…you can’t settle yourself down. You hadn’t liked the way he’d limped off the field, nor the tiny grimace on his face when Sirius had wrapped a bracing arm under his shoulders. It would be just like James to downplay how hurt he is to make you feel better, and the longer the game had gone on without him the more your guts twisted themselves into knots over the idea that he was in pain. 
You’d seethed at yourself and your stupid soft heart all the way to the infirmary, where now you’re frozen just outside like a coward. Something inside you is coiled tight with tension at the idea of going to see James Potter, on purpose and in public, even though that’s dumb because now everyone at Hogwarts knows about the two of you anyway. Your sappy display on the quidditch pitch made sure of that. But now that you have official and widely-known claim to the girlfriend title, you have just as much right to see him as anyone else. You shove your anxiety back into your stomach where it belongs and open the door. 
As soon as you’re inside, the voices become clearer. “—like this isn’t a big deal. The Prophet’s going to be all over the two of you by tomorrow, and we had to find out with every other fucking bloke at the school!”
“Pads, you don’t think I would have told you if I could?” James sounds exhausted, and something mutinous throbs in your heart. It’s followed quickly by the more familiar twinge of irritation at the use of those moronic nicknames they all have. “She made me promise not to tell anyone, including the both of you.” 
They’re talking about you. Of course they’re talking about you. What else could possibly be more important after James has fallen a good twenty feet off his broom than his dating life? This is why you hadn’t wanted to tell people. Hogwarts wears away at private lives like dementors at souls, and the rivalry between Gryffindor and Slytherin is too strong for your relationship with James to have any hope of remaining untainted once the gossip mill got ahold of it. 
Your instincts are screaming at you to turn around and leave before they catch sight of you, but you force yourself to keep walking. If you start letting what people think about you and James affect you now, you’ll never be able to get past it. 
Remus is the first to spot you, going still as if you’ve come to hex him, but James’ face splits into a lopsided grin that has the knots in your gut loosening very slightly. 
“Especially you,” you say to Sirius as you brush past him, perching by James' pillow and weaving your fingers into his curls. There’s a wrap around his middle. It’s very hard to appear calm and blasé when you feel like you’re going to rupture something if he doesn't promise you he’s okay right this instant. “You’d have had all of Gryffindor talking about us within an hour.” 
Sirius bristles but visibly shoves his temper aside, his voice matching your coolness as he says, “If I’d told anyone, Y/L/N, it would have been to inquire about whether anyone’s noticed you gathering ingredients for amortentia recently. James doesn’t keep things from us. Artificial infatuation is the only explanation for why he’d tolerate you and your secrets.” 
“Oi,” James says, but you pat his head placatingly. You can fight your own battles. 
“That how you got this one?” you jut your chin towards Remus, who’s looking somewhat entertained as he watches the two of you spar. “If I’m ever in need of the recipe, Black, you’ll be the first person I come to, but I don’t need to resort to such measures myself.” 
Sirius glowers at you, and James sets his hand on your shoulder just as Remus wraps a pacifying arm around his boyfriend. “Alright, I think that’s enough,” the taller boy says in his usual calm manner, and though Sirius is still tensed for a fight, he allows himself to be drawn into Remus’ side.
James nods in agreement. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you guys, really. I thought I’d get a chance to before everyone found out, but…” He turns up his palms helplessly. “Things didn’t go as planned.” 
“We’ll get over it,” Remus says, Sirius quietly fuming beside him. “Won’t we, love?”
Sirius looks up at Remus' face, which is clearly a mistake, because he softens like butter in the sun. “Yeah, yeah, just gimme a bit,” he grumbles halfheartedly. “Anything to keep our Prongsie happy, right?”
James beams, so clearly relieved at the settlement of the conflict that you feel a bit guilty for participating in it. He kisses you on the cheek, chuckling against your skin. “You stink.” 
“Some of us stuck around to play the whole game,” you reply.
“Ouch,” James says, but he’s grinning. “Couldn’t really help that, could I?”
You give him a look to let him know you haven’t forgotten how his negligence had gotten him hurt. “Debatable.” 
You hear Remus chuckle but don’t take your eyes off James’ face, inspecting it for signs of the pain you suspect he’s hiding. “How bad is it really?” you ask, softening your voice even though there’s no chance of his friends not hearing you. 
James worries his lip, big brown eyes looking into yours guiltily. “Pomphrey says I broke three ribs and bruised my tailbone pretty badly. Minor concussion, too, but nothing serious.” 
Sounds serious enough to you. You ghost a hand over the back of his head as if you’ll be able to find and fix his hurt. He leans into your palm though, so it’s not for nothing. “I’m sorry I walked away out there,” you all but whisper. “I should have stayed with you.” 
James eyebrows pinch together. “Hey, sweetheart, it’s okay,” he promises just as softly. He knows what it costs you to talk like this in front of people, like you’re turning yourself inside out for them to judge and stab at as they please, but James has no such reservations. He dots a kiss, feather-light, at the top of your cheekbone, wrapping an arm around you protectively. “Thanks for coming, I mean it.” 
You clear your throat. “Yeah, and in my fucking quidditch gear,” you say in your normal voice, attempting to banish the heavy mood. As if your heart isn’t still beating, hummingbird-fast and fragile, in your throat. “We both need to change and shower, and then you should rest. Did Pomphrey say you could leave?”
James nods, still looking at you like you’ve cracked open in his hands (he might be right; it feels like you have, and it wouldn’t even be the first time today). He rubs your upper arm affectionately, but his voice is easygoing when he says, “Yup, I’m good to go.” 
Sirius steps forward, as though to remind the two of you that he is, in fact, also present. “Great. We’ll walk you back to the room.” 
You turn to him, not quite ready for your time with James to be up and aching for the opportunity to dote on him in private. “That’s okay, I can take him.” 
Sirius’ eyes narrow. “You can’t even get into our dorms.” 
“Please, like Gryffindor’s riddles are so perplexing.” 
“I don’t need an escort,” James interjects. He pushes himself up with a grimace. 
You halt him with your hands on his shoulders and Remus says, “Don’t be stupid, Prongs, you can barely walk.” 
“I’ve got him,” you say firmly. Sirius stares you down, but you don’t flinch from his stony gaze. You know he doesn’t trust you. You don’t think he’d willingly trust any Slytherin. Since you’ve been at Hogwarts, the talk in your house has always been that Sirius Black shuns his family because they’re all Slytherins. Although James assures you there’s more to the story than that, it’s still obvious to anyone that he considers his friends his true family. He won’t entrust just anyone with James’ safety. But maybe that’s one thing you can agree upon. 
He must see something of this in your face, because after a minute Sirius relents, rolling his eyes. “Fine,” he says. “I wanted to stop by the kitchens anyway.”
James is looking between the two of you curiously, aware that something has transpired but not quite sure what. 
You don’t give Sirius a chance to change his mind. “Alright,” you say, gripping James' forearms and helping him to stand. “Let’s go, pretty boy.” 
James drapes his arm across your shoulders gamely, and the two of you start out the door. “I don’t think that’s the insult you think it is.”
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