#bsd short story

[soukokumychildren]

Short stories part two in comin' guys! Idk how much I've made since the last one, so here goes-

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Chuuya: I can't fuckin' hear ya! Kunikida: Well, fine, I'll come clos- Chuuya: IM TOO BUSY NOT LISTENIN' TO YA

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Tachihara: My disguise is flawless! Chuuya: Oh yeah? does not know who this guy is What does it look like? Tachihara: brandishes his signature band-aid Chuuya: Raises brow Tachihara: puts it on Chuuya: jumps like a cat HOLY SHI--TACHIHARA?! WHERE IN THE EVER LOVING FUCK DID YOU COME FRO-

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(Chuuya doesn't like people touching him)

Chuuya: choking on carrots Someone random: I know the heimlich, I know how to help! Chuuya: frantically yelps NO! dies

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Fukuzawa: All I ask is for you to hug them. Chuuya: looks frantically at Shin (I will not give them the high and mighty title of Soukoku) Y-you're kidding. Awkward chuckle. Fukuzawa: Fatherly raise-eyebrow look. Chuuya: Eheheh…eheh…oh come on… Also Chuuya: Slowly looks to Shin and specifically looks at Akutagawa Atsushi: Awkwardly raises arms Chuuya: Stumbles over, tries to raise his arms to hug them both and pulls away last second Nope. Nope. Can't do this. I'd rather vomit. I actually can't look at his face. Jogs over to where Dazai was while watching from the side-lines Dazai: Chicken. Chuuya: Oh shut up, dumbass. You would have killed them had they touched me. Hiss.

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Dazai: Wanna see a magic trick? Chuuya: takes a moment before he understands Oh shit- Atsushi: OOh, sure! Dazai: grabs Chuuya before the avian can escape Guys, c'mere!~ Chuuya: DAZAI NO-DON'T YOU DARE YOU SWORE TO ME- Kunikida, Ranpo, Kenji and Yosano: Wander over grudgingly except for Kenji Chuuya: Fuck fuck fuck fuck let me go- writhing and flapping his wings but iTS NO USE Dazai: Watch, guys. Scratches the back of Chuuya's ear Chuuya: Takes a few seconds of silence but then bursts into a ball of aggressive purring Yosano: Oh my god. Kenji: ✨ 0 ✨ Kunikida: O_O Ranpo: Trying so hard not to laugh Atsushi: QMQ W-w-wh-wha- Dazai: Tehdahh!! Chuuya: Fuck--purrr---you shitty--purrrrr--DAZAI--PURRR somehow gets away with wings flapping in his wake as he runs to the bathroom Also Chuuya: Oh my---purrr---fucking god. That shitass promis-purrr..purrr.. F u c k. I'ma revoke the keeping him alive policy, I--purr--swear to GOD-

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Chuuya: "Fuuuuuck you." Dazai: "Fuck you!" Chuuya: "Fuck me, then, coward!" Dazai: "Sure thing you needy little shit!"

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Bram: There used to be a plethora of werewolves during my time. Such things were most common.

Chuuya: …Hmmmm. I can kinda like…get you something as close to a werewolf as I can.

Bram: Please do, I'd be most grateful. It has felt like a millenia since I've last encountered such a common kind that seems so terribly uncommon in these parts.

Chuuya: Disappears, and from the distance: Yo, Atsushi!

Also Chuuya: drags Atsushi by the scruff back to Bram and throws him on the ground like a sack of potatoes Here he is. He's more of a cat though, really. But he's still got the moon shit goin' on.

Bram: This pathetic mongrel? Looks mildly disappointed

Chuuya: Yeahhh, I know. This guy sucks, but he still got the semi-werewolf going on.

Bram: Do you perhaps have anything more than this…creature?

Chuuya: Er..unfortunately….no.

Atsushi: …I have ears, you know. Still on the ground

Chuuya: Pretend you don't and let the adults keep talking.

Atsushi & Bram: …

Atsushi: Screw this. Sits up and walks away

Chuuya: grabs him by the scruff again He's just a tad stubborn. If he turns into a full tiger under the full moon, do you think that'll help?

Bram: Sigh I suppose…there's certainly only one way to find out.

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Dazai: Addressing Chuuya’s parents your son calls me daddy too ^^ Chuuya: DAZAI WHAT THE FUCK—

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C: Don't make this worse. D: Define worse-

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Chuuya: You’re bullshitting me so hard right now. Dazai: …. Chuuya: claps hands great, when do we start?

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Chuuya: a cowboy? Eh…I’m not big on riding horses. Dazai: but you’re big on riding me? Chuuya: huh? Dazai: Stupid shit eating mischievous look Chuuya: gets it oh—OH FUCK YOU—

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(Opinon: This one is shit)

Chuuya: tries making a nest Dazai: not helping Chuuya: Dazai, ya ass, come here and help! Dazai: but I’m disabledddd Chuuya: oh fuck off. We’ll see how disabled ya are when I make you carry all the shit we’re gonna get from the store. Dazai: blinks since when are we going to a store? Chuuya: since now. Get the fuck moving. 20 minutes later at a department store (I think)

Dazai: Y’know, you remind me of the stereotype I heard on the internet. Chuuya: mmmm? Dazai: where women have a knack for comfort in bed, so they have an exorbanatly large amount of pillows and blankets? Chuuya: comes close and hisses Ain’t my fault that I’m half dragon and in need of a nest! Fuck off about the subject or so help me, damnit!

….so the nest was built afterward, and Dazai served timeout in the corner for 20 minutes instead of snuggling with Chuuya in his new nest

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Chuuya: twittering Dazai: listens to him and knows he's saying something but doesn't know what Atsushi: joins on the conversation, growling and snarling to Chuuya Chuuya: twitters and whistles back Dazai, feeling jealous: You guys have a secret language now!? No fair!!

~~~~~

(Part 2 kinda)

C: Starts twittering to Atsushi A: Growls back to him to start the conversation A few minutes later…. C: Gasps and comes out of animal speak "YOU TAKE THAT BACK!" A: "Nuh uh!" D: Quickly comes in and grabs Chuuya before he could whack the shit out of Atsushi C: "LEMME GO!" D: "Chuuya calm down-" C: "That mother fucker is going to FEEL MY WRATH-"

----------------- (This could be either counted as au or canon, but here's a funny short anyway)

D: I'm gonna fuck you, Chuuya. C: You mean fuckin' kill me, right? D: …. :) C: You…mean fuckin' kill me….right?

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Chuuya to Dazai: Here, hold this gives him his gloves and ring Chuuya: Goes over to Clthulu HEY SQUIDDY! Clthulu: Turns around by jamming its tentacles into the earth and spinning its massive body towards Chuuya Chuuya: I hope you glued those tentacles on tight. Oh grantors of dark disgrace, do not wake me again. Corruption insues

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Chuuya: I identify as an asshole. Grins and puts hands on hips Dazai: And I identify as the dick. Chuuya: … Dazai: … Chuuya: Gets it OH YOU DICK- Dazai: Case in point ;D

-- That's caught up to the most recent ones! Enjoy :))

#bsd #bungo stray dogs #chuuya nakahara #dazai osamu #soukoku #au #bungou stray dogs #dazai x chuuya #skk #skk au #atsushi nakajima #bram stoker #yosano akiko #kunikida doppo #miyazawa kenji #ranpo edogawa #akutagawa ryuunosuke #fukuzawa yukichi #tachihara michizou #dazaixchuuya #bsd short story #dj's short stories #short stories #au shorts #small writes #snippets #my writing

[lotus-pear]

bsd rewatch w my friend means obligatory art of my fav found family ever

#WAAAAAAAAAUUUUGHHHHHHHH I MISS THEM SO FUCKING MUCH YOU GUYS GENUINELY DON'T UNDERSTAND.............................................. #LIKE. NOT A DAY GOES BY WHERE I DONT THINK ABT THEM UEUUEUEUEUEUEUUEUEUEUEUEUEUEUUEUEUEUEUEUEUEUEUEUUEUEUEUEUEUE😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 #bro i didn't mean to make atsushi that short LMFAO it's ok tho bc he's their little boy. their son #literally was in the trenches drawing kunikida bc i've been drawing twinks for so long i forgot how to draw actual MEN😭😭 #when will my family return from the war..................................................................... #rewatching bsd made me realize its just a rly shitty slice of life romcom featuring ml dazai and his tired work partner/husband #and the story of how they got their first kid. sopping wet pathetic kitten of a boy they picked up off the riverbank #anyway theyre all so dear to me you don't understandddddd i love these dumbass partners and their little tiger boy :(((((((((((((( #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #bsd #atsushi nakajima #nakajima atsushi #doppo kunikida #kunikida doppo #osamu dazai #dazai osamu #kunikidazai #knkdz #lotus draws

[botanautical]

'We all yearn for the woods. That's why every fellow on this island wants to settle down near a tree - just one will do.'

#dazai osamu #bsd dazai #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #bsd #bsd fanart #it's dazai day!! #i wish this insufferable fictional man weren't so beloved to me #but as somebody plagued by silly brain issues he is oddly comforting and makes me feel less alone #and bsd introduced me to actual dazai osamu whose writing is honestly groundbreaking to me and i've barely even scratched the surface #it's something about the confluence of humour and tragedy... the desire to exist to bring joy to others at the expense of one's own #i feel like asagiri imparted this notion well onto bsd dazai - i know a lot of people dislike dazai and question his motivations #but i have faith in him and believe he's pursuing good #anyway excuse the ramble! the caption is from dazai's short story 'monkey island'! thank you to my dear partner for finding it for me!! #i'm really very happy with how this piece turned out - i wanted to depict bsd dazai but really pay suitable homage to his namesake #it's been a while since i've had fun drawing but this one and other recent pieces this month have really brought me back into it #happy birthday dazai #botanautical

[sad-emo-dip-dye]

Actually I need more of this

I think it would fix me

#I gotta reread that short #kunikatai my loves #they were childhood best friends cmon there’s so many stories there Asagiri I know you want to give them to me #bsd #bungo stray dogs #doppo kunikida #katai tayama #kunikatai

[originalartblog]

Do the Minizai's and Dazai's No Longer Human nullify each other?

Might be funny, Chuuya would make Dazai levitate when he's annoying him

I'm not arguing with the funny part (actually Chuuya might be able to pull something like that even with NLH there, depending on how Dazai's ability actually interacts with it), but if they nullified each other they would no longer be nullifying each other. We would have a paradox on our hands. That would mean a singularity... or maybe nothing happens.

Singularities are rare. Most of the time, one ability will win over the other. Sometimes, nothing will happen. Hirotsu's Falling Camellia, to push back anything he touches, can beat Chuuya and Verlaine's abilities. It's not a singularity.

Not all singularities are earth-shattering. Oda and Gide's let them have an entire conversation in a fraction of a second. According to BEAST, Akutgawa and Atsushi's black claws combo is a singularity.

Dazai is living his life every day seemingly free of singularities, unafraid of contact with his own skin. Even if touching another nullifier would indeed create a paradox, my tinies are fantastical little creatures that are a sort of extension of the big ones, so my answer is a big "nothing different happens"

Now, on another note, to keep things fun we also have these:

It's still very possible for Dazai's ability to create a singularity, like anyone else, provided it's put in the right context. With BEAST, it's that their world exists inside of an ability (paradox); in Dead Apple, the abilities were separated from their hosts, so the conditions were special.

For my part, unless I have a plot point centred around said potential singularity, I'm not gonna touch those. Everyone else, go wild. I'm not even sure I've ever read a fanfic that was playing with singularities, that's a still brand new sandbox to play in. And singularities have been a known thing since Dark Era!

Everyone go come up a singularity right now. We have time to make up for.

#6 novels (including DA) mention singularities! that's more than i expected. yes i checked all of them including short stories #bsd #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #tiny skk adventures #bsd light novel #now i have to tag spoilers for what exactly #bsd BEAST #bsd BEAST spoilers #BEAST spoilers #the others are fine i think #ask answered #not art

[originalaccountname]

There are some posts I've seen floating around that at the start Dazai may not of known that Chuuya wasn't a vampire which I kind of agree with. I'm at work currently so I cant double check but when he goes "that's a nasty trick you've pulled fydor" im pretty sure its in his thoughts?? To which why would he think that if he knew the whole time. I think dazai must of caught onto the fact Chuuya was faking it at somepoint but not sure when that would of been. Also at the end of the ep Dazai said he didn't have a plan. (I did watch the episode at just after 2am my time when it came out and then fell asleep afterwards so my memory could be not correct). I do think chuuya not being a vampire at all is a little disappointing tbh but this idea softens the blow. Would like to know your thoughts on this idea if you are open to sharing?

I'm in that category too, yes. I've left a few tags saying basically the same thing on some posts.

First, there are a few things the anime didn't answer (more than failing to justify Chuuya faking it since the start, there's Sigma's case about needing to help the ADA, which... didn't happen at all) so either we haven't seen the repercussions of this arc yet, or we got the shortened version of what the manga will offer. Which could work either way. (not ideal necessarily, but besides huffing what can we do huh)

Dazai not knowing though! Dazai did admit to his "plan" being to mostly adapt on the fly and trust his allies to help him back. He implied this prison break was one big trust fall. But that's how I've always interpreted Dazai's way of planning! I even made a post about it a full year ago!

Since Dazai knows Chuuya slowed down the elevator (which I can accept, Dazai's ability shouldn't affect random objects he touches, and Fyodor had told Chuuya through a comm to go finish off Dazai because he wasn't in the room), I assume that by then he was aware. Maybe not before though. Definitely not at first. Because this?

I refuse to believe was entirely scripted. Why is he acting? For Sigma? For corpses? I'm of the opinion that no matter what is going on through Dazai's head, his expressions are always genuine (ex: he might react with surprise at something he completely expected, if only because of how sudden it was, or when/how it ended up happening. Here? genuine distress.)

And I extend that feeling to Dazai having an emotional moment, complete with flashbacks, while "drowning" Fyodor and Chuuya. He did say he wasn't expecting to kill them that way, but perhaps it really was a moment of weakness triggered by concern or guilt.

I can accept Dazai having caught on during his face-off with Chuuya. That's Mr I-know-your-breathing-patterns we have here, so if they didn't high-five after the elevator crash-landing (still broke Dazai's leg), I would say Dazai knows physics enough to go "hold on" and connect the dots. So yes, that baiting of Chuuya, the light taunting, the bratty attitude he only really has with Chuuya, the angry YELLING and insults when Chuuya shot him in the shoulder? The destiny talk? Yeah I can re-contextualize those as Dazai over-acting his part. And then not being able to shut up after being shot in the head.

Maybe there's some reaching here, maybe this will not be totally accurate to the source material. But Asagiri does have a habit to write scenes from an outsider pov while knowing whats happening in the characters' heads and behind the scene, but then not give us that input directly. Never before today was it confirmed that Dazai improvises a lot in his plans. And yet! That's something I've believed in for a very long time.

This all could very well be covering Asagiri's poor decisions, but between this being the adaptation and bsd being an unfinished story, I have a hard time deciding at the moment how much of a poor decision this was. Maybe it's worth a raised eyebrow. Maybe it deserves some criticism in hope the author takes notes. Maybe this was an anime-original resolution due to time constraints (think of the Fifteen final fight). I can only raise concerns for now, and wait.

#bsd being a monthly release is also detrimental to its pacing #the chapters in the last+ year were very short and suspense-heavy #which makes it look cheaper than if you took a break and read them all in one go #there's a balance in there #i don't know if asagiri really writes with our time perception in mind. maybe he just writes the story and then it's divided in chapters #and that's that. who cares if there's 6 months between those two entries. #bsd #bsd s5 #bsd spoilers #apparently i talk sometimes #ask answered

[nerdyloverparadise]

A Take On Dazai's Thoughts:

Dazai found himself walking through the mall alone as the ADA was trying to solve an intense case. His footsteps seemed to echo despite all of the people the sound could've bounced off of. He'd gone to the mall often because usually there he could hear the sound of human life around him. At least there he felt a little more grounded, it was always comforting to hear the chattering of families, the squeak of a toddlers shoes, the bark of a family dog that scared the absolute crap out of him. He continued to walk through the mall with his hands in his pockets, listening as the clack of his shoes against the tile flushed out the usual buzz of noise. The more steps that were taken, the more empty the mall seemingly became, as if everything had faded to black and he was walking through a void. No matter how hard Dazai tried to escape his mind, it followed him everywhere. The hardest struggle he'd ever encountered, the fiercest enemy he'd ever gone up against, was himself. His head was tilted down a bit and his lips were rested in a thin straight line. Not a frown, simply just nothing. His eyes weren't dead, but they weren't alive either and in moments like these where his mind yanked him into pits of despair, he truly wanted nothing more than to know why he still existed. For what did he serve a purpose for. It was a question that thumped in the middle of his forehead everyday from inside his skull, causing an ache that he felt only being taken out of this life... could ever solve.

Whether it be a busy mall, a bustling train station, or the ADA quarters, no amount of noise could drown out the darkness that surrounded him, excluded him and isolated him from his colleagues. From humanity itself. It was almost like drowning made him feel more afloat, more alive, because he could no longer hear the empty silence, but rather the sloshing of water. It put a new meaning to the darkness that he saw and felt surrounded by because in being submerged in water he will have succeeded for the first and final time, to be free. Being close to death made him feel so alive. To live made him as though he were no longer human.

Then the mall fades back in and the ground is no longer hollow enough to hear his shoes. The chatter fades back in and all Dazai can muster up is a sigh. Still alive. Alive but so so close.. to gone.

#osamu dazai #bsd dazai #bungou stray dogs dazai #dazai osamu #short story #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #bsd #story

[noxioustoxin]

I'll Be Here, Always

Mentions: Implied Abuse (Warning), Suicide (Warning), fluff, tender love and care.

Small Authors Note: "I'm just looking to do some major self-care, but I do hope you all enjoy my short story." ^^

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It had been about a month, almost two now, that Dazai even bothered to check his notifications. His phone lights up throughout the night with halfhearted check-ins. He didn't have to look to know who the messages were from, the soft chime told him exactly who it was. "Bastard, the hell are you ignoring me for?" "You better not be dead, or I swear shitty Dazai."

It was the same thing every few days or so that it started making his head spin. Normally Dazai would've written a snarky comeback, teasing the redhead about how much he seems to care. In reality, Dazai cared. But even his little dog couldn't pull him out of this one. Dazai could vividly recall the moment when things began to spiral, which wasn't uncommon for him. He was known to be suicidal and depressed, but this time, he took the liberty of writing a note. His fingers ached as he scribbled out his goodbye, which was only to one person, but he wouldn't dare let that letter be seen. Not by his slug. He wasn't that cruel though many would argue with that statement.

Even with the meticulous work he put in to hide his letter, he still somehow found himself in Mori's office. Dazai's letter was there open against the desk, and he could hear a scoff from his boss. It was obvious to him that Mori had already read the contents of the letter. "When will you give up on this futile endeavor? Aimlessly reaching for an outcome you can't achieve. You can't die until I say you can when I provide the means." His voice swirled around Dazai's mind like filthy venom, reminding Dazai with that choice of words that he was chained to him. Typically, Mori's words were nothing more than that. Words. But that unsettling feeling that stirred within his stomach made his limbs suddenly feel like lead. He felt bolted to the floor. But in his mind, the only thing that mattered was Chuuya. Not Mori, not being chained to him and the organization, not his suffering. Just Chuuya.

Flash forward to the present, Dazai sat uncomfortably atop his small mattress. His eyes were misty and puffy from the tears that refused to fall. The shipping container in which he called home carried an ominous chill, one that didn't feel right. "Mackerel… please talk to me."

His phone lit up the small area. He knew it was Chuuya, but what was he supposed to say? That he once again wanted to leave the world behind because of his pain? No. Not that again. So instead, Dazai curled up into a fettle position and sighed heavily into his knees. After what felt like hours, in reality, it was only about twenty minutes, a knock jolted Dazai away from his misery. He sighed and uttered a soft "go away," but that was quickly met with louder and more forceful knocking. The sound made his heart sink, and he knew he couldn't ignore it anymore, so reluctantly he scrambled off of his bed and made his way to the door. His hand hesitantly reached for the lock and slowly opened the door. "What?" His voice shook as he tried to upkeep his typical cold exterior until he was suddenly wrapped in a tight embrace. That familiar warmth quickly enveloped his body, and his body relaxed for the first time in those two months. Chuuya. Dazai opened his mouth to speak, but he couldn't find the words. The words weren't needed at the moment, but instead, Chuuya simply led him over to his bed and pushed him down against it. Those usually piercing blue eyes were softer and gentler as he cupped Dazai's cheek. "You don't have to go silent whenever you hit a low period," Chuuya began softly, "I can handle it. I want you to understand that I know you still struggle and suffer with those thoughts." He paused to press his forehead lightly against Dazai's, the gesture so tender that it caused butterflies to form in their stomachs. With that, Dazai's tears finally fell as he quickly tugged Chuuya onto the bed with him. His taller frame fits rather perfectly with Chuuya's smaller one. A soft chuckle could be heard from the redhead as he reached his hand up to play with those messy brown curls. "Come on, we aren't staying here. I've got canned crab at home, let's get you a nice bath and a hot meal." Dazai only cooed in response as he nuzzled his head into the crook of Chuuya's neck.

"Okay, Chibi… I love you." "I love you too Mackerel, now let's go."

Dazai knew that Chuuya did mean what he said, he meant that he was here for him even through his dark times. Maybe, just maybe, this was what his meaning in life was. No. Not maybe, Chuuya was his reason. And that was all he needed now. "I'll be here, always." And Dazai believed it. Completely.

------------------------------ Again, I truly hope you all enjoy this little, short story!

#bungou stray dogs #dazai x chuuya #bsd chuuya #fanfic #bsd dazai #chuuya nakahara #dazai osamu #soukoku #short story #fluff #lovers #trigger warnings

[revasserium]

the unofficial ultimate bungo stray dogs reading list

this is mainly for myself bc i rly do want to read most if not all of these and i'm sure it's already been done by someone somewhere. but, i thought why not post it lmao; most if not all of these can be found on anna's archive, z-library, or project gutenberg! (also, consider buying from your local bookstore!) for those that are a bit harder to find, i've included links, though some are from j-stor and would require login to access.

detective agency:

osamu dazai:

no longer human (novel)

the setting sun (novel)

nakajima atsushi:

the moon over the mountain: stories (short story collection)

light, wind and dreams (short story)

fukuzawa yukichi:

an encouragement of learning (17 volume collections of writings)

all the countries of the world, for children written in verse (textbook)

yosano akiko:

kimi shinitamou koto nakare (poem)

midaregami (poetry collection)

edogawa ranpo:

the boy detectives club (book series)

japanese tales of mystery and imagination (short story collection)

the early cases of akechi kogoro (novel)

kunikida doppo:

river mist and other stories (short story collection)

izumi kyouka:

demon lake (play)

spirits of another sort: the plays of izumi kyoka (play collection)

tanizaki junichirou:

the makioka sisters (novel)

the red roof and other stories (short story collection)

miyazawa kenji:

ame ni mo makezu; be not defeated by the rain (poem)

night on the galactic railroad (novel)

strong in the rain (poetry collection)

port mafia:

mori ougai:

vita sexualis (novel)

the dancing girl (novel)

nakahara chuuya:

poems of nakahara chuya (poetry collection)

akutagawa ryuunosuke:

rashoumon (short story)

the spider's thread (short story)

rashoumon and other stories (short story collection)

ozaki kyouyou:

the gold demon (novel)

higuchi ichiyou:

in the shade of spring leaves (biography and short stories)

hirotsu ryuurou:

falling camellia (novel)

tachihara michizou:

in mourning for the summer (poem)

midwinter momento (poem)

from the country of eight islands: an anthology of japanese poetry (poetry collection)

kajii motojirou:

lemon (short story)

yumeno kyuusaku:

dogra magra (novel)

oda sakunosuke:

flawless/immaculate (short story)

sakaguchi ango:

darakuron (essay)

the guild:

f. scott fitzgerald:

the great gatsby (novel)

the beautiful and the damned (novel)

edgar allen poe:

the raven (poem)

the black cat (short story)

the murders in the rue morgue (short story)

herman melville:

moby dick (novel)

h.p. lovecraft:

the call of cthulhu (short story)

the shadow out of time (novella)

john steinbeck:

the grapes of wrath (novel)

of mice and men (novel)

lucy maud montgomery:

anne of green gables (novel)

the blue castle (novel)

chronicles of avonlea (short story collection)

louisa may alcott:

little women (novel)

the brownie and the princess (short story collection)

margaret mitchell:

gone with the wind (novel)

mark twain:

the adventures of tom sawyer (novel)

adventures of huckleberry finn (novel)

nathaniel hawthorn:

the scarlet letter (novel)

rats in the house of the dead:

fyodor dostoevsky:

crime and punishment (novel)

the brothers karamozov (novel)

notes from the underground (short story collection)

alexander pushkin:

eugene onegin (novel)

a feast in time of plague (play)

ivan goncharov:

the precipice (novel)

oguri mushitarou:

the perfect crime (novel)

decay of the angel:

fukuchi ouchi:

the mirror lion, a spring diversion (kabuki play)

bram stoker:

dracula (novel)

dracula's guest and other weird stories (short story collection)

nikolai gogol:

the overcoat (short story)

dead souls (novel)

hunting dogs: (i must caveat here that the hunting dogs are named after much more comparatively obscure jpn writers/playwrights so i was unable to find a lot of the specific pieces actually mentioned; but i still wanted to include them on the list because well -- it wouldn't be a bsd list without them)

okura teruko:

gasp of the soul (short story; i wasn't able to find an english translation)

devil woman (short story)

jouno saigiku:

priceless tears (kabuki play; no translation but at least we have a summary)

suehiro tetchou:

setchuubai/a political novel: plum blossoms in snow (novel)

division for unusual powers:

taneda santouka:

the santoka: versions by scott watson (poetry collection)

tsujimura mizuki:

lonely castle in the mirror (novel)

yesterday's shadow tag (short story collection; i was unable to find a translation)

order of the clock tower:

agatha christie:

and then there were none (novel)

murder on the orient express (novel)

she is the best selling fiction writer of all time there's too much to list here

mimic:

andre gide:

strait is the gate (novel)

trascendents:

arthur rimbaud:

illuminations (poetry collection)

the drunken boat (poem)

a season in hell (prose poem)

johann von goethe:

faust

the sorrows of young werther

paul verlaine:

clair de lune (poem, yes it did inspire the debussy piece, yes)

poems under saturn (poetry collection)

victor hugo:

the hunchback of notre-dame (novel)

les miserables (novel)

william shakespeare:

romeo and juliet (play)

a midsummer nights' dream (play)

sonnets (poetry collection)

the seven traitors:

jules verne:

around the world in 80 days (novel)

journey to the center of the earth (novel)

twenty thousand leagues under the seas (novel)

other:

natsume souseki:

i am a cat (novel)

kokoro (novel)

botchan (novel)

h.g. wells:

the time machine (novella)

the invisible man (novel)

the war of the worlds (novel)

shibusawa tatsuhiko:

the travels of prince takaoka (novel; unable to find translation)

dr. mary wollstonecraft godwin shelley

frankenstein (novel)

#bungo stray dogs #bsd #literature #dark academia #reading list #academia #i'm sure there's people i've missed but i did my best LOL #this also really throws into a stark contrast how relatively un-worldly american literary curriculums really are #obviously; it makes vague sense to focus american literary schooling on the western 'canon' bc so much of the english language #is influenced by it and the 'culture' is more touched by it but HOLY SHIT does it just... astound me #how uneducated i am on even east asian literature (from wheremst i technically hail!!!) #i know like.... maybe 3?? 4??? chinese writers off cuff??? #like the only reason i even know anything about jpn literature is i got my minor in jpn so i read some stuff but WOWWWWW there's a wORLD. #the fact that i knew not a SINGLE work by most of these jpn writers but as soon as we got to the guild members #i didn't even have to fucking google/wiki -- i just KNEW off the top of my head #kinda fucked up tbh;;;; #anyway this list is massive but i think at least dipping my foot into some of the poems/short stories will be fun

[quirkywalrus]

I'm the problem | Dazai x GN reader | TW |

TWs: s3lf h@rm, su!slide, depression, mental health, bl00d, mentions of scars

Hey there! As a more detailed warning, there will be mentions of adult/mature/sensitive topics throughout so if any of the things mentioned above are triggering or a difficult subject for you then please do not read any further.

Dazai was often quiet when he came home from a stressful mission, which you had learnt was just his own way of coping with the days events and that it's nothing personal towards you. But today, when you shouted 'welcome home' to him from the sofa, instead of a worded reply he said nothing and headed to the bathroom. You didn't take much notice as this had happened before, but you did start to worry when it had been almost half an hour since you had seen or heard your boyfriend. You jumped off the sofa and quietly floated towards the bathroom door.

"Dazai? Are you ok? Are you sick?" you knocked, leaving a pause for response between each question. You stood there for a few minutes and heard very faint sniffles. Dazai never showed any of his vulnerable emotions towards you, he learnt from experience that it was best to keep those things hidden away for the sake and the safety of everyone in his life.

You gently placed your hand on the door handle and turned it down, you noticed the door wasn't even locked, maybe he secretly wanted you to come and check on him rather than him off-load unwanted information.

"Babe?" You whispered and quietly opened the door. To your own surprise, you found Dazai sat with his back against the bath with his arms bathed in his own fresh blood. You couldn't help but stare, you had no idea where to look or what to say.

"I'm sorry, I'm just pathetic" Dazai began to sob. You had never seen him cry so to you this was just one step further in your relationship. You knelt down on the tiled floor between his legs, cradling his face with your hands.

"You are not pathetic you hear me? You have no reason to be sorry - whatever happened today was not your fault. You don't have to tell me but you definitely don't need to feel guilty about what happened" Dazai's eyes looked down as he moved his weak wrists towards your hips.

"It's me. I'm the problem. I'm the reason that people I love disappear, or die. Even when I try to leave someone's life before I hurt them creates more problems. I can't win in this life and I'll be damned if I hurt you in any of those ways..."

"Babe, if you bleed to death then I'll be absolutely distraught. I don't want you to have to suffer alone in the dark - or on a tiled bathroom floor. You can talk to me babe, I will always have time to listen to you, never forget that." you kissed his lips gently to reassure him that everything you just said was the 100% truth.

"Will you let me clean you up? I don't mind doing it as long as you're comfortable with me doing it" he just nodded and started to unravel his half wrapped arms, as if he tried to stop the bleeding himself and hide it before you came through the door. Whilst you cleaned his wounds, you kissed each one gently - saying that you will kiss each one of them better before you put them to bed. The two of you laughed and giggled at some pointless small talk, your attempt to make light of the situation and by doing so, the boyfriend you know and love started to come back to life too.

"Please never leave me y/n. I'm so lucky to have you in my life I couldn't bear to lose you to anything"

"I'm not going anywhere, if anything, I should be worrying about you" you giggled. Dazai dug his hand into his deep coat pocket and sighed a very relieved sigh. He pulled out a black box and opened it. In front of you was a thin silver ring with a black rose stone on the top with a ruby in the middle. Your eyes lit up and you were speechless yet again.

"I promise from this day that I will never try to kill myself again, as long as I have you by my side, I have no reason to purposely die. Y/n, will you marry me?"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

#bsd anime #fanfic #dazai x reader #dazai osamu #mental health #romance #short story

[soukokumychildren]

So idk how many of you remember that one au write I did about @carrotkicks 's little Chuuya keeping Dazai's scarf and keeping it close with him, but I added some more finally a few days ago and feel like keeping it there, since I have no motivation to continue on bahsdoghsdgh. I'll send the full thing for those who haven't read, and for those who want a refresher (I hope I didn't send the second section anywhere already, that would be kinda embarrassing..)

("Scarf")

Chuuya was once again stuck in the office room, alone. The space was vast in this place, the glass windows even more so as the light of dusk bled in through the flowy red curtains, flashing hues of pink and orange. Freedom was right outside the very walls he was caged within. And yet, it’s never felt more suffocating.

He sat in front of a mahogany desk with nothing but a pen and a few stacks of paper to occupy him. He looked over to a portrait that was set near the edge of the desk, but only briefly glancing at it. He tried to ignore the want to look back at it again, a man that used to be his age with his arms wrapped around the redhead, both laughing in the photo. Days like this, he rarely left his seat. Some would say he was practically glued to it, having to fix all the messes that Da—...the last Port Mafia leader had left before he…alledgedly committed suicide.

Just endless silence. Suffocating silence. He tried not to get distracted by the fact the only person that he ever cared about used to sit in this very seat up until a few days ago.

Nobody will ever know this pain, he thinks, determined and stubborn, despite all the 3 billion people on the planet, or atleast, roughly, they would never account to the grief that Chuuya was suffering. He never felt more alone. Standing by himself, barely holding an organization together, with nobody to truly support him other than the man that had died just recently. He dropped the pen. His arms were shaking again. Chuuya pushed the chair back and grasped at his scarf, a pounding headache making his way into his brain. He’d been ignoring the fatigue that had been hovering around him so he could focus on work. I’m fine. He tells himself, scooting the chair back forward, and placing the pen neatly beside the paper in its own holder so it wouldn’t accidentally leave ink blotches. “He doesn’t matter anymore.” Chuuya said it aloud, but it didn’t feel more wrong to announce those words. Chuuya tried to distract himself, closing his eyes briefly. The pounding headache eased when he did. It also renewed the exhaustion he’d been fighting for hours, and this time it made sure to sink its teeth in and not let go. The redhead wavered in his seat, pushing the paper away and crossing his arms, resting his head snugly across them. Just a few minutes, he convinced himself. And I’ll get back to work. Were his last thoughts, before he drifted into a deep, weighty sleep. *     *     *

The door creaked open. I slipped in. Easing the door shut behind me I lock eyes with the sleeping shape of the Port Mafia Boss. I grin. There couldn’t have been a more perfect time. I quickly cross the room and end up at his desk, making sure not to accidentally let my shadow pass over him, since the small change in temperature could startle him awake. Many say that taking Chuuya-san’s scarf was an impossible task. You’d die trying. But I wasn’t so sure. Just catch him off guard, and he wouldn’t be able to stop you. Slowly, I brought my hand to the blood-red fabric, tracing it with my finger, and carefully hooking it under some folded layers. I gave it a gentle tug, and the Boss shuddered, stirring but not waking.

So I continue. Unraveling it from his neck was a little bit of a task on its own without startling him awake. But I somehow manage. I hold the fabric tight in my hands, grinning from ear to ear psychotically. Goodnight, Chuuya-san. I think. You won’t be finding this for a while.

*     *     * A knock on the door woke Chuuya up with a start, his head snapping upward and swaying for a moment. His immediate reaction was to respond with an authoritative, “Come in.”, despite it sounding a bit softer than he meant to.

He realized it was a bit cold, but disregarded that fact as Atsushi came in, carrying a bundle of papers, looking at the sheets cradled in his arms. “I’m sorry for the interruption, boss, I know you're busy, but I need a little help with…” When Atsushi met eyes with Chuuya, he broke off. The door closed behind him. “Oh…um.” Atsushi blinked like a deer in headlights. “What?” Chuuya asked, trying to focus his hazy mind back into its natural order, eyes sticking together as if held by duct tape.

“C-congradulations?” The boy said, a small smile etched upon his features, and Chuuya squinted at him, the redhead wrapping his arms around himself, shuddering at the cold. “What do you mean, congratulations?” “Well…you stopped wearing it.” Atsushi impatiently bounced from foot to foot, promptly avoiding Chuuya’s eye contact as he looked out the window. “I’m glad you’re not dwelling on him anymore.” Chuuya flinched, but he first had to make sure they were talking about the same man here. “Who’s he?” Atsushi blinked at him, finally meeting his gaze. “Well, Dazai-san, of course.” Chuuya froze, and he suddenly started to feel some sort of crushing presence around him. Immediately he went to grasp at his scarf, starting to feel a traumatic attack ganging up on him, intent on smelling the fabric so he wouldn’t lose it. Except… His hand. Grasped on air. The room dropped several degrees. Atsushi could feel it. Could sense it. Hackles raised, he quickly excused himself in a rush, terrified. While Chuuya didn’t move for several seconds, eyes wide and unblinking. He didn’t breathe. He couldn’t. Harsh, cold claws raked down his spine as he slowly looked down.

Dazai’s scarf.

“Dazai?” The redhead called broken, a bit more desperately. It could even be called a wail. He took a step forward, his entire body shaking. Everything was crumbling physically around him as it was on the inside. His desk, reduced to splinters from the shield of gravity enveloping him. Chuuya couldn’t think anymore.

Dazai’s scarf. He ransacked through every available orifice, his fingers shaking as the crushing weight was slowly being piled on top of him to the point where he couldn’t focus, landing on his knees, the very gravity he manifested pulling him towards the earth.

The redhead couldn’t find the scarf.

Chuuya couldn’t find it.

He couldn’t breathe, his lungs constricted, as if tight coils wound around them, forbading him from drawing air.

Chuuya’s arm shot to his neck, grasping at his throat, tears welling at his eyes.

The more he felt, desperate to have simply imagined not seeing the fabric, the more his stomach plummeted, and he just couldn’t breathe, it was too much a task,  he was losing it, he lost it—The gravity field worsened and began to eat up at the room, inflating until it covered the entirety of the building floor, spooning up the walls and ceiling until nothing was left but a large expanse of cratered floor and vast, open sky.

The very freedom he seeked was right at his fingertips.

But it only caused him to suffocate all the more painfully, grasping at his hair and screaming. It was silent to his ears because he didn’t know why he was screaming anymore.

His thoughts had fled him. He bore no control of his body.

The redhead couldn’t even hear his wails of anguish as he continued to use the little air he managed to regain with each breath and use it to cry out.

Chuuya had finally, truely lost it.

Without Dazai’s scarf, or any reminisce of the man, Chuuya couldn’t hold the frayed ropes that he’d barely kept together so long. He let them snap, his power growing with his anguish, the gravity eating away at the building below him like a monster tearing a chunk out of a mountain.

The black hole surrounded Chuuya.

The tiny human with too much power.

The monster that could decimate the earth…for a measly little piece of red fabric.

Corruption ensued.

#bsd #bungo stray dogs #digital art #chuuya nakahara #bungou stray dogs #dazai x chuuya #dazai osamu #though hes just really mentioned more than anything #soukoku #beast au #short story #djs short story #au short #bsd short story #my writing #hopefully this is alright in terms of quality #ive updated my powers of writing since then sooo #uhhh #enjoy angst #cause angst #scarf au

[purrfectlycontent]

i know we often talk about dazai’s obsession with chuuya (admitting to thinking about how to annoy him every day) but honestly chuuya kind of enables it with his 190 ways of exacting revenge on dazai

#my ramblings #at the end of the day they’re just stupid teenagers #and i love them dearly for it #waiting for the day asagiri drops a novel or short story on the dragon’s head conflict #bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd storm bringer #bsd dazai #bsd chuuya #skk #soukoku

[oceanlifeenthusiast]

"It's coming."

OOC: little horror-type short story 4 Lovecraft!! Also Steinbeck too

Eeenjoy :3 no bad tws like gore but someones arm was crushed

The radio makes sounds of static. The room is lit dimly by a lantern. There had been some suspicions around the forest of the city growing. People had been going missing, as if they never existed in the first place. Perhaps kidnappings, but some assumed it could have been more sinister. Something supernatural.

What a bluff. Sure, ability users these days were terrifying, of course, but nothing the Armed Detective Agency couldn't handle. They just have to bring that detective to the forest and he'll probably figure it out eventually.

"Hello? Hello, can anyone hear me?"

Sounds from the radio. Despite getting no answer- and not allowing to be given one- the voice continued to talk, sounding like a young man.

"There's more suspicions going around that forest. I- I don't know what's going on but... I don't think it's an ability,"

He sighed. You took a small stool and sat down by the radio, taking out a notepad and a pen. Any leads on the situation would help tons. You clicked the pen and moved the lantern near the notepad so you could actually see what you were writing.

"There's this friend I had, went into the forest to see what was going on. Had a small cabin and everything."

Hey, kind of like you.

"Came back from the mission early. He looked crazy, man. His arm was crushed and everything."

A shiver runs down your spine. Right, that isn't making it harder to stay in this dimly lit cabin in the middle of the forest at all. Why did you even take this job? The money seemed so promising, though... and nothing scary had happened. Yet. So, you continued to listen.

"I haven't spoken to him yet, but I heard from word around. He said the trees had come to life. Isn't that crazy? I mean- the trees, coming alive to kill you? It's absolutely insane!"

You write that down.

"He said something that the vines were going to crush him and that his arm was broken by some vine."

You write that down, too. Based on all the information you had, it must have been an ability user. You sigh, pushing the notepad away.

"That's not the creepiest part, though."

You stop. You take a glance at the radio, and pick up your pen again.

"That ability user can't be the only thing in the forest, man. Whoever it is, they're working for someone, I know it."

You start scribbling down notes.

"I've seen him. If- if you can even call that thing 'him'? I've been trying to tell people but they all tell me I'm just paranoid! I've seen that thing! Near the water, just... standing there, looking at me. It looked human but it couldn't have been."

Not human? Well, an ability changing someone's appearance isn't new, but... not human at all? You stop writing. For some reason, it feels like you should stop altogether. You aren't sure why.

"It was- tall... and had a longer neck, with wide eyes and no pupils or even irises... I tried to shoot it, but it didn't even faze it! As soon as it started moving, I ran from that fucker as soon as I could and got to my car."

You look at the radio.

"I'm scared, man. Maybe I'm just being paranoid but I swear that thing wasn't what it seemed to be."

You slowly get up from the chair.

"I don't know what it is... or if it even has a name..."

You shove the notepad in your bag.

"It's coming."

You shove everything you need in your bag.

"I know it is."

You take the lantern with you. Throwing open the door to the cabin, you run, run as fast as you can. You leave the lantern on the ground at some point. You might attract hungry animals, or worse.

You keep running. You're careful not to step on any roots or go into places with more trees. You run, and run, and run down the path, almost tripping on a few rocks and stumbling over your feet.

Before you know it, it's over.

You're outside the forest, near your car. Shuffling in your bag for your keys, you let out a sigh of relief once you realize they're in there. Thank God you didn't forget them while shoving everything in your bag.

While driving, everything feels safer. That panic is now more or less a sense of dread rather than fear. Maybe both, you supposed.

You could have sworn you saw that thing watching you start your car, though.

#bsd #hp lovecraft #bungou stray dogs #howard phillips lovecraft #bsd lovecraft #bsd steinbeck #bsd john #bsd john steinbeck #horror #horror story #horror writing #short story #horror fiction #great old ones #grapes of wrath #2nd person pov #john steinbeck

[gio-hannigram]

Dazai has always claimed to have an emptiness where his emotions should be. 

He is smart enough to know that deep down he does have emotions. He cares.

He's stupid enough to try arguing the obvious. He is human, has emotions, he just doesn't know what the fuck they're all about. How to handle them, how to distinguish them. 

He knows despair though.

Oda died and he felt it clear through his whole being.

Now he recognises it along with the deep panic that shivers through him.

Chuuya is marked with Corruption's blood all over. Dazai has touched Chuuya twice now and yet the blood keeps painting every inch of his skin.

The white eyes keep staring him down, there's not laughing, nor screams. 

Chuuya is not there, the eyes that look at him. That's not his partner.

"Did you truly believe that you could be gone for four years and Chuuya wouldn't use Corruption?"  He shouldn't be able to talk. Distantly Dazai remembers that only his name was what Chuuya recognises; a terrifying voice tells him that he knows that Chuuya is gone.

"Tell me, shitty Dazai," the tone is mocking, Dazai understands not for the first time what an out of body experience feels like, "did you for a second believe that your boss wouldn't take Chuuya the moment he understood what your intentions were after leaving? Traitor? You weren't the only one that got called as such that night."

Dazai is frozen, the thing in front of him is smiling. There's blood oozing out its eyes and mouth.

"Mori took us in for a very special treatment." There's a ringing in Dazai's ears. "When we finally managed to convince him that we didn't know what you were doing, that we were left just as suddenly as everybody else. Then we were able to go into the car. And Dazai, I have to thank you for that. Your parting gift was my welcome party."

Dazai's mind supplies the memory of him installing the last joke inside Chuuya's car. Chuuya would easily know that it was there.

"You see after our night spa at the luxury torture chamber, our dear Chuuya was extremely distraught. He didn't expect it, he just wanted to get home. Didn't see it coming at all."

Chuuya has been tortured, and has been distraught.

Because of him.

"But I did."

White eyes turn black with two red dots looking through him.

"You never knew me, but I guarantee you Dazai, I know you."

#soukoku #dazai osamu #chuuya nakahara #short story #my fics #might add more later #bungou stray dogs #bsd dazai

[pompompurin1028]

kinda wanna read something this holiday but idk what orz

I got like philosophy books, literature, manga and bsd lns to choose from orz

#I need help :/ #top contenders rn are reigen manga / bsd lns / maybe short stories by Dazai or Akutagawa / Nietzsche #ughhhh #kat's asides

[headchamberlain]

House, but not a home

(Yeahhh. TW/CW for pills/medicine, self-harm implications, blood, depression, suicide, hallucinations, crosses, that stuff!!

PLOT: Ivan's old house in Russia is explored ^_^)

Ivan stood before the door of the abandoned place. It was small, it was dirty, left to rot just like everything else in his past. The place itself ignited an odd sense of anxiousness in his heart. It was somewhere where he was supposed to feel at home, somewhere he was supposed to look upon with warmth and nostalgia, and not... fear.

It was so familiar and yet so new at the same time. Exploring your own house would have sounded like a comedic concept to Ivan before now. With a heavy heart, he put his hand on the knob and opened the door.

He stepped inside and closed the door behind him, not wanting to stay in the cold for much longer. Not that the house did much to block the cold, but it was good enough.

He ran a finger over one of the small tables. The dust came off so easily. It had been years since he came back here.

"What would it have been like if I returned with memories of this place?"

He murmured to himself, looking at the rooms again.

Although he had no good memories of his past, he could remember one thing about his life; it was unpleasant. Anytime someone mentioned his old house and wanting to visit there, he felt shame tug at the strings of his heart. Ashamed of what, you may ask, and unfortunately Ivan didn't know either. Just ... ashamed.

He took a look at the kitchen first. He enjoyed cooking, and he was much more familiar with the warm meals and the fancy tools at his master's place rather than the empty, soulless aura this kitchen had.

He checked the fridge, not expecting to see much, and he was right. Empty. The only food was some kasha, that was rotten and vomit-inducing now. Ivan quickly closed the fridge and swallowed hard. Disgusting.

He opened the drawers and found ... knives. Tons of dirtied and used knives. Some of them had dried blood on them. Ivan instinctively held his wrist. He closed the drawers.

He looked for anything else to distract him, and unfortunately the house would only plague his mind with more fleeting moments of his past. Pills especially. Tons and tons of them. Had he tried to overdose? Knowing himself, he possibly had. Maybe not. Maybe he had been saving them for other things, he wasn't sure.

He decided to check the bathroom. Bloody bandages hung out of the small trashcan. These ones were for his wrists, not his head like one would assume. He looked into the mirror.

It was Ivan.

Whoever that was.

The bathroom gave him a bad feeling, though. It felt like somebody was watching him from behind the shower curtain. He could see it in the corner of his eye. He whispered a prayer and got out of the bathroom. He made sure to close the door when he got out.

Last but not least, the bedroom. It was just as he left it. His clothes were still messily tossed onto the floor or chair. He used to be too lazy to even move. Too lazy to get out of bed. Too lazy to live. Ivan shook his head- he was so much more productive in the present! Not that it made him feel any better.

The crucifix on the wall stood tall and proud, taking the attention of the visitor. Now that he thought about it, he had seen plenty religious items scattered around the house, but mostly crosses.

He looked into the closet. A chair. Why would that be there? Taking a look at the rope in the corner, he immediately understood why. So many attempts at dying and he hadn't done it. Purely because of fear. Fear of God and what He would do to him. Also because he didn't know how to tie a noose, and trying to search for it would only give those stupid suicide hotline things.

Shuffling some clothes with his feet, he spotted a box under the bed. Out of curiosity, he took it. 'Memories', it read.

...

He opened the box.

It was full of odd things that did not matter to Ivan now. Things that held significant importance, but not anymore; Bracelets that seem handmade. A pair of old socks. Some random string of letters that must have been a code or password to something. All useless to him now.

And... a picture. He looked at it for a moment.

A young woman and a young man that appear to be wife and husband. Two kids, one pale girl with a big, toothy smile and a scrawny boy with long hair and dimples.

Ivan touched his face. He had dimples, too.

Was that--?

He dropped the picture into the box and shoved it under the bed again. He immediately closed every door and went to put on his jacket.

This place was a home.

It used to be, but it wasn't anymore. Maybe it was never a home to begin with.

What he was sure of now is that this place was a house to him, not a home.

He left the building wordlessly, out in the freezing weather once again. He tuned out everything, only hearing the light sounds of his footsteps as he sprinted away from the place.

Unable to feel any negativity, Ivan Goncharov had never smiled wider.

#ooc post #bsd #bungou stray dogs #ivan goncharov #bsd ivan #bungou gay dogs #bsd ivan goncharov #ivan g #bsd fanfic #writing #short story #fiction #story writing #fanfiction #fanfics #fanfic writing #pills #suicide #self harm #depression