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kagekitsuneoflight · 1 year

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Man as much as Jason Todd reuniting with his family and learning that Bruce still loves him and that he’s still a welcomed member of the family is good and delicious and all that, I feel like it’s unrealistic? And this isn’t to say that I hate it and that I never want people to write it. Those kinds of stories are so good! Stories about how love is unconditional and that your sins do not matter because love is enough to overcome it.

I just think there should be, you know. More exploration about the opposite. Conditional love. Love that was once there that is now long gone. The hearth of love and affection has burnt out to leave only ash, with not one small chunk of charred wood left to try and rekindle it left behind.

Where there was a father and son would do anything for each other and in the aftermath of the most heart wrenching tragedy both are far too different to even greet the other with genuine warmth.

Jason is not a prodigal son because he is not remorseful about what he’s done. Bruce is not the father of the nonexistent prodigal son because he has not given his son everything he asked for. Bruce is not waiting for his son to come back with open arms. His arms are crossed and his face is stone. He asks his returned son if he will repent and pay for his sins, and his son bares his teeth in response to ask if his sins outweigh his father’s failures.

Jason asks if Bruce will accept him for who he is, and Bruce tells him that he will accept him only if he can change himself into something he can agree with.

Jason and Bruce are fundamental opposites when it comes to the question, “can murder be justified?” Bruce’s answer of no and Jason’s answer of yes form the very structure of their moral code. Neither of them will budge from their answer, and how dare the other ask for them to make such a change?

And lets not ignore the fact that both of them had come at the other with the intent to maim. To break. To kill, in some scenarios. Those beatings and maimings and murder attempts are not something that can be ignored. That can be brushed aside with a simple “I love you.”

Bruce cannot trust Jason, will not trust Jason. He will not put even the barest amount of faith in his own son to just trust him. He always assumes that Jason will always be a murderer. A killer. Someone who couldn’t be trusted because Bruce could not put aside his own bias of his son, despite the fact that Jason always followed his orders the best he could. That he never wanted to betray his father once he got that small scrap of trust that broke easier than angel’s hair.

Batman views Jason as one of his biggest mistakes. His biggest failure. Someone he regretted taking in. And how can your love be unconditional to someone you deem to be your biggest regret?

Stories of unconditional can be so good. A balm to soothe and comfort. But stories of conditional love. Of love that has long since died off to never be revived are just as potent. Just as wanted and needed.

Sometimes, the prodigal son must realize that his father does not want him as he is, and he must leave to find his own place independent of his father.

Also like. Do you guys every think about how Jason was with Bruce for like. About three years, give or take a couple months? Three years as his son, and like four years estranged from him, if him being 19 is accurate.

#jason todd #red hood #bruce wayne #batman #like the timeline is funky as HELL. his six months of being dead really kicks it up #and the coma.#so really it’s 3 years his son and three years estranged? i guess?#anyways I need to see more ‘Bruce is no longer Jason’s father’#Bruce can still be a good dad but also a bad one to Jason specifically #conditional love and all that you know how it is.#shut up kage

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lovelylonelymoonlight · 10 months

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Just to be clear I’m just not a comic person I don’t mind them but most haven’t caught my eye

Saying that idk if there’s like Batman novels?? Or maybe comics where he isn’t a shitty father maybe??

But but but!! I love love love when comic people explain shit to me so much tell me more about the 800000789th batman comic in batman adventures were cass is introduced love that shit!!

Cause then I don’t have to slough through that bad stuff!! And that’s way more fun for me :)

#this is permission to info dump about Batman comics #i just don’t think comics are for me but I’ve said it before Batman’s pretty mainstream so I don’t feel tooo bad #it’s like idk what to compare this tooo….. Dracula? vampires as a whole???#like you don’t need to read Dracula to talk about vampires #you don’t have to consume literally any vampire content #because vampires are so mainstream you probably know the main strokes yea??#batfamily #batman #bruce wayne #batfam #jason todd #<him especially #dick Grayson #Tim Drake

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forevercloudnine · 2 years

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I love how patients are allowed to decorate their cells at Arkham. One night Batman's gonna show up to ask someone some serius questions about a case and come face to face with an entire wall covered in pictures of Brucie Wayne cut from papers and magazines. I was gonna say 'Eddie making a stalker shrine' in particular, but then I thought 'Harvey getting nostalgic' followed by 'Jonathan collecting pics of Bruce clearly unafraid through scary stuff (for science!)' Then 'everyone is doing it now'

This is already extremely funny to imagine, but especially with the addition that Bruce Wayne himself is on Arkham's Board of Directors and comics regularly show him being taken on guided tours of the facility....

I'm assuming Jeremiah would make the inmates hide any stalker shrines before one of his largest donors toured the facility. But that just makes it all the more surprising for Bruce when he shows up as Batman and finds a bunch of "decorations" that were definitely NOT there during his last tour.

#scarebat #riddlebat #twobats #bruce wayne #jeremiah arkham #obviously i love the kane family but it's too bad martha being an arkham isn't comics canon anymore #because i think this would be even funnier if bruce was jeremiah's cousin #can you IMAGINE. how awkward that would be for him #like hello patient i am actively abusing #could you please take down all the magazine cutout photos of my infinitely richer infinitely hotter cousin #he's coming by in an hour and i want to convince him to give me several million dollars #so it would be great if it didn't look like all the serial killers in maximum security are psychosexually obsessed with him #although HEY... bruce is an arkham in the 2022 movie #matthew reeves PLEASE introduce jeremiah in the next one. i need to see this dynamic happen in real time

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vermillioncrown · 1 year

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pretty sure your snare trap has math for cheese

you'd think so. i thought so, too--but no one talks to me about the actual math from my fanfic (me getting hurt feelings from everyone fixating on 'bruce wayne batman dating' rather than chasing the 'data regression' -> 'fast fourier transform' -> 'dick grayson is a former mathlete about to read korvin to filth', but i fucking did it to myself and know it)

actual math/stem people more knowledgeable than me take one look and go "lmao poser" and ignore it

laymen read my fic and don't care beyond the spectacle

i think the math acts like a filter. you either vibe w my processes (which cannot be separated from how i write) or you [x] immediately

#inquiry #Anonymous #there is something else that is the lure #a certain menthol illinois if you will #dude idk sometimes i wanna joke and advertise 'get some fucking science here'#but i also know a lot of fics over the decade that touted that kind of . uh. and they didn't vibe with me #don't agree with their portrayal of stem-related things + research + 'intelligence' and 'capability'#so many fics i've read wanting more 'realism' of certain mechanics or whatever #i pass away as soon as i see how they handle the subject matter. i see it enough day-to-day. i do not need the same attitude in fic #idk my goal isn't to blind someone with math and science it's just how my square-shaped brain thinks #and i wanna demystify + also allow people to give the subject respect. a measured treatment in a candid manner #so i think if i ever advertised myself as a math/science-focused writer i'll become the enemy #that's when you guys put me down like a lame horse. promise okay?#but at the same time i cannot lie to myself and divorce the thinking patterns i'm used to from my field #bc despite not studying lit + last lit class ever i slept through four months...#my current work requires me to put stories together. subject matter is technical and non-fiction.#(i'll also say... the bruce wayne sugar baby punchline will not end how most of you probably think it will. based on heuristics)#(but that's not bad. it just means i'll continue to make y'all spittake)

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starlooove · 7 months

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Bruce yelling at clark about being mean to kon << they justify eachother’s crap parenting like their life depends on it

Real

#see this is where I get a bit hypocritical #i refuse to see Clark as doing anything wrong or bad ever therefore there is no shit parenting on his part 🙄🙄🙄🙄#no fr tho I think Clark is better than me #Bc my nosy ass would NAWT stay out their business #u know those fics where it’s like. a fix it or smth but it’s an audience self insert doing and saying shit they have no business doing?#that’d be me as Clark #‘bruce! you NEED to communicate with ur kids properly and if u don’t I will kick you out of the league!!’#‘there will be no ramifications or consequences of this and this is absolutely my business to be in btw!!’#i couldnt be clark bc he is a great reporter but he’s also very much about the truth #i would give Vicki vale a run for her money #anyways that’s off topic anon ur so real #like not to get into it unprompted but my opinion on clark being shitty towards Kon is complicated #like not to be controversial but I don’t think he was like. a bad guy or whatever in the situation like it was a impossible position 2 be In #but like Im so indecisive my opinion changes with the minute soooo #like It sucked for everyone involved but NTA 💪🏾#bruce and Damian tho? YTA immediately sorryyyy #but yeah anyways I’d rather anon prompt than Bruce ‘grunts in lieu of a response’ wayne lecturing clark on how to treat his kids #c’mon man

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inamindfarfaraway · 2 years

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For reasons I shouldn’t need to explain, one of the few things Harvey Dent and Two-Face agree on is that Fire Lord Zuko is the best character in anything ever.

For reasons I also shouldn’t need to explain, Bruce is Sokka’s biggest fan.

I now need fanart of him and reformed!Harvey in respective cosplay together. Complete with dual swords and a boomerang.

#however i also see two-face specifically relating a lot to azula and getting upset about azula hate and vilification #‘cause compared to harvey he was the ‘bad’ abused child who ‘just like his father’#two-face: i have a heart of stone #i can’t have empathy or sympathy if i’m going to deliver true justice #bruce:#…‘i was never angry with you zuko -’#two-face: (instantly crying) FUCK YOU #bruce: my first girlfriend turned out to be an assassin loyal to her megalomaniacal cult leader father #harvey: that’s rough buddy #harvey manages to recover by making the deal with his alter that #they can watch one episode of atla for every therapy session at least one of them actually engages in #so two-face stops sabotaging both his own and harvey’s recoveries to stay a villain #and by the end of the show the therapy’s worked enough that he just keeps at it #two face: come on i need to get back to crime #harvey: criminal success is like ozai’s approval you think you want it but it when you have it you feel even worse #you’ve done ‘the beach’ like five times by now #can we get to ‘nightmares and daydreams’ this time? please?#harvey dent #two-face #bruce wayne #batman #bruce and harvey #dc comics #dc #avatar the last airbender #atla #prince zuko #fire lord zuko #sokka

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martyrbat · 2 years

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bruce wayne has multiple canes that he uses in his day to day. from moving around the manor and cave to attending galas to everything in-between. all varying in style and types depending on where hes going or how much assistance he needs :)

#hey ! turns out intense exercise and pushing your body to its limits for over a decade since you were?? 14? is bad for you !#jumping off buildings and fighting criminals in freezing rain for two decades! is bad for you!!!#one of my favourites hcs because i think he'll look good with a cane #and because?? man is not going to risk damaging his body any further?? he's going to use assistive devices if he needs them bc !!!#its literally what theyre there for! so he doesnt get hurt or strain his body more! then he can heal properly/easier and help more ppl!#Bruce Wayne #batman #the d in dcu is for disabled

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trashbatistrash · 2 years

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‚

#I feel the need to preface that I’m a Jason Todd fan #I just like exploring whump of my favourite characters #I do the same with Bruce Wayne all the time #Bruce Wayne whump is how I discovered Jason Todd #*pats the batcowl and the red helmet* you can fit so much whump into these bad boys

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talvn · 2 years

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⸻ 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐂𝐀𝐋𝐋. / @batfall

❝ i have a reason for doing what i’m doing . ❞ there’s a reason why animals walk in herds, why they 𝐅𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐓 in groups. gotham is too big for one person to devour ; and it’s too chaotic for one man to pacify. ❝ i have debt to repay -- and you can start learning how to be less stubborn, ya’ know ? ❞ oh, ᴛʜᴏsᴇ ᴇʏᴇs . ( she knows exactly what thought resides behind them. ) ❝ let me take some of the burden off your shoulders, bruce . ❞ ❝ you’re going to WILT if you keep taking such a beating . ❞

#batfall #( IN CHARA / black talon. )#( DC. )#penny vc; the grungy look works so well and so BAD for u all at once bruce !#he needs nutrients and penelope has #a pack of vitamin c in her hands @ this very moment #i still have 2 write it down #but essentially penny's reeves / + phillips variant #is that she was saved during a police bust that was pushed by thomas wayne #so she naturally #sees bruce as someone #similar 2 his father and helps around gotham #to help HIM as a form of gratitude #i rolled w/ the... hey they more than likely know eachother's real identities #but if you want me to change that #i'll be more than glad <3 !

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februarys-wednesday · 1 year

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i like the idea that bruce just shows up to league meetings with his birds with absolutely no explanation offered

i mean this man frequently stalks his coworkers and knows everything that's happening in their personal lives and i think he'd forget that HE is the weird one for doing it and not everybody automatically knows when he's acquired a new child

so he just shows up at the watchtower with a new bird and literally says nothing about it . just sits at his chair with the latest robin standing next to him and literally doesn't acknowledge that anything is different and it gets even more confusing when they change their costumes and names 😭

20-something bruce: and containing this may be a matter of-flash did you have a question

barry: uh. yeah. sorry, what is that?

20-something bruce: (glancing at 9 yr old dick who has been next to him for 45 minutes) that's robin. obviously. as i was saying,

early 30s bruce, who hasn't shown up with a robin for a few years, entering with a nightwing and a jason todd robin:

barry:

diana:

hal:

j'onn:

bruce: what.

hal:

hal: do you like clone them or

mid 30s bruce, quietly talking with a clearly-not-sixteen-years-old robin in the corner after being without one for two years:

hal:

diana:

barry:

j'onn:

clark:

bruce:

tim:

bruce: this one followed me

late 30s bruce zeta-beaming in with a nightwing, a slightly older robin, and an absolutely BUILT man in a red hood:

barry: did you hire a bodyguard

bruce: no.

barry: whos mr red over there

bruce: you don't remember my second one???

barry:

hal:

diana:

j'onn:

clark:

barry: did. did that one not die

jason: got better

later 30s bruce, quietly showing around a blonde robin:

hal:

bruce: don't ask.

hal: i didn't say anything

40 yr old bruce, making intense, unbroken eye contact with a black shadow:

clark, leaning over to talk to tim: what are they doing

tim, not looking up from his fancy ipad: do i look like i know that

red robin popping in unnanounced in the middle of a league meeting: batman is alive.

barry: who the FUCK are you???

batman, some minutes later, trailed by what is CLEARLY a new robin: did red robin happen to pass through here????

barry: i have several questions

no-longer-lost-in-the-time-stream bruce, talking to batgirl, black bat, and the signal:

hal: did you get three more.

bruce: no. just one.

hal: i shouldn't have asked, my bad

mid 40s bruce wayne, stepping out of the zeta tube: sorry i'm late

diana: not to worry. let's get start-

bruce: i have a few more coming behind me

zeta tube: 🌀🌀🌀

jason: hi

cass: 👋

diana:

diana: ok should we st-

zeta tube: 🌀🌀🌀

dick, holding damian like a scowling, sopping wet cat: bruce he's not feeling polite today

damian: HISSS

bruce: okay does he need to go back?

dick: he said he's fine but hes just not feeling polite

diana:

diana: is that the las-

zeta tube: 🌀🌀🌀

steph: b i need a hair tie

diana:

diana: so can-

zeta tube: 🌀🌀🌀

duke: b did i miss rolecall

diana: no, signal, you did not. let's-

zeta tube: 🌀🌀🌀

tim: b alf is mad at you

bruce: why

hal: it's like a fucking clown car

steph: you didn't eat breakfast

tim: you didn't eat breakfast either

steph: shut.

damian: HISSSS

jason: wing. if you do not keep that brat quiet-

dick: hes a BABY!!!!!

duke: you didn't eat breakfast either, timothy

jason: hes a BITCH!!!!!

tim: who the fuck told you????

cass: :)

hal: (storming off, in tears), YOU HAVE TOO MANY CHILDREN.

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wifelinkmtg · 8 months

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TUMBLR POST EDITOR WON'T LET ME TITLE THIS POST ANYMORE SO I GUESS THIS IS THE TITLE NOW. WEBBED SITE INNIT

So let's say you grew up in the nineties and that The Lion King was an important movie to you. Let's say that the character of Scar - snarling, ambitious, condescending, effeminate Scar - stirred feelings in you which you had no words for as a child. And then let's say, many years later, you're talking about it with a college friend, and you say something like, "oh man, I think Scar was some sort of gay awakening for me," and she fixes you with this level stare and says, "Scar was a fascist. What's the matter with you?"

The immediate feeling is not unlike missing a step: hang on, what's happening, what did I miss? You knew there were goose-stepping hyenas in "Be Prepared," but you didn't think it mattered that much. He's the bad guy, after all, and the movie's just pointing it out. Your friend says it's more than that: the visuals of the song are directly referencing the Nuremberg rallies. They're practically an homage to Riefenstahl. This was your sexual awakening? Is this why you're so into peaked caps and leather, then? Subliminal nazi kink, perhaps?

And then one of your other friends cuts in. "Hold up," he says, "let's think about what Scar actually did in the movie. He organized a group of racialized outcasts and led them against a predatory monarchy. Why are you so keen to defend their hereditary rule? Scar's the good guy here." The conversation immediately descends into a verbal slap fight about who the real bad guy is, whether Scar's regime was actually responsible for the ecological devastation of the Pride Lands, whether the hyenas actually count as "racialized" because James Earl Jones voiced Mufasa after all. Your Catholic friend starts saying some strange and frankly concerning shit about Natural Law. Someone brings The Lion King 2 into it. You leave the conversation feeling a little bit lost and a little bit anxious. What were we even talking about?

INTRODUCING: THE DITCH

There is a way of reading texts which I'm afraid is pervasive, which has as its most classical expression the smug obsession with trivia and minutiae you find in a certain vein of comic book fan. "Who was the first Green Lantern? What was his weakness? Do you even know the Green Lantern Oath?" It eschews the subjective in favor of definitively knowable fact. You can't argue with this guy that, say, Alan Scott shouldn't really count as the first Green Lantern because his whole deal is so radically different from the Hal Jordan/John Stewart/Guy Gardner Corps-era Lanterns, because this guy will simply say "but he's called Green Lantern. Says so right on the cover. Checkmate." This approach to reading a text is fundamentally 1) emotionally detached (there's a reason the joke goes, oh you like X band? name three of their songs - and not, which of their songs means the most to you? which of them came into your life at exactly the right moment to tell you exactly what you needed to hear just then?) and 2) defensive. It's a stance that is designed not to lose arguments. It says so right on the cover. Checkmate.

And then you get the guys who are like "well obviously Bruce Wayne could do far more as a billionaire to solve societal problems by using his tremendous wealth to address systemic issues instead of dressing up as a bat and punching mental patients in the head," and these guys have half a point but they're basically in the same ditch butting heads with the "well, actually" guys, and can we not simply extricate ourselves from the ditch entirely?

So, okay, let's return to our initial example. Scar is portrayed using Nazi iconography - the goose-stepping, the monumentality, the Nuremberg Lichtdom. He is also flamboyant and effete. He unifies and leads a group of downtrodden exiles to overthrow an absolute monarch. He's also a self-serving despot on whose rule Heaven Itself turns its back. You can't reconcile these things from within the ditch - or if you can, the attempt is likely to be ad-hoc supposition and duct tape.

Instead, let's ask ourselves what perspective The Lion King is coming from. What does it say is true about the world? What are its precepts, its axioms?

There is a natural hierarchical order to the world. This is just and righteous and the way of things, and attempts to overthrow this order will be punished severely by the world itself.

Fascism is what happens when evil men attempt to usurp this natural order with the aid of a group or groups of people who refuse to accept their place in the order.

There exists an alternative to defending and adhering to one's place in the natural order - it consists only of selfish spineless apathy.

Manliness is an essential quality of a just ruler. Unmanliness renders a person unfit for rule, and often resentful and dangerous as well.

And isn't that interesting, laid out like that? It renders the entire argument about the movie irrelevant (except for whatever your Catholic friend was on about, since his understanding of the world seems to line up with the above precepts weirdly well.) It's meaningless to argue about whether Scar was a secret hero or a fascist, when the movie doesn't understand fascism and has a damn-near alien view of what good and evil are.

There's always gonna be someone who, having read this far, wants to reply, "so, what? The Lion King is a bad movie and the people who made it were homophobes and also American monarchists, somehow? And anyone who likes it is also some sort of gay-bashing crypto-authoritarian?" To which I have to reply, man, c'mon, get out of the ditch. You're no good to anyone in there. Take my hand. I'm going to pull on three. One... two...

SO PHYREXIA [PAUSE FOR APPLAUSE, GROANS]

We're talking about everyone's favorite ichor-drooling surgery monsters again because there was a bit in my ~*~seminal~*~ essay Transformation, Horror, Eros, Phyrexia which seemed to give a number of readers quite a bit of trouble: namely, the idea that while Phyrexia is textually fascist, their aesthetic is incompatible with real-world fascism, and further, that this aesthetic incompatibility in some way outweighs the ways in which they act like a fascist nation in terms of how we think of them. I'll take responsibility here: I don't think that point is at all clear or well-argued in that essay. What I was trying to articulate was that the text of Magic: the Gathering very much wants Phyrexia to be supremely evil and dangerous fascists, because that makes for effective antagonists, but in the process of constructing that, it's accidentally encoded a whole bunch of fascinating presuppositions that end up working at cross-purposes with its apparent aim. That's... not that much clearer, is it? Hmm. Why don't I just show you what I mean?

Atraxa, Grand Unifier (art by Marta Nael)

In "Beneath Eyes Unblinking," one of the March of the Machine stories by K. Arsenault Rivera, there's a fascinating and I think revealing passage in which Atraxa (big-deal Phyrexianized angel and Elesh Norn's lieutenant) has a run-in with an art museum in New Capenna. The first thing I want to talk about is that, in this passage, Atraxa has no understanding of the concept of "beauty". A great deal of space in such a rushed storyline is devoted to her trying to puzzle out what beauty means and interrogating the minds of her recently-compleated Capennan aesthetes to try and understand it. In the end, she is unable to conceive of beauty except as "wrongness," as anathema.

So my first question is, why doesn't Atraxa have any idea of beauty? This is nonsense, right? We could point to a previous story, "A Garden of Flesh," by Lora Gray, in which Elesh Norn explicitly thinks in terms of beauty, but that's a little bit ditchbound, isn't it? The better argument is to simply look at Phyrexian bodies, at the Phyrexian landscape, all of which looks the way it does on purpose, all of which has been shaped in accordance with the very real aesthetic preferences of Phyrexians. How you could look at the Fair Basilica and not understand that Phyrexians most definitely have an idea of beauty, even if you personally disagree with it, is baffling. This is a lot like the canonical assertion that Phyrexians lack souls, which is both contradicted elsewhere in canon and essentially meaningless, given Magic's unwillingness or inability to articulate what a soul is in its setting, and as with this, it seems the goal is simply to dehumanize Phyrexians, to render them alien, even at the cost of incoherence or internal contradiction.

Atraxa's progress through the museum is fascinating. It evokes the 1937 Nazi exhibit on "degenerate art" in Munich, but not at all cleanly. The first exhibit, which is of representational art, she angrily destroys for being too individualistic (a point of dissonance with the European fascist movements of the 20th century, which formed in direct antagonism to communism.) The second exhibit, filled with abstract paintings and sculptures, she destroys even more angrily for having no conceivable use (this is much more in line with the Nazi idea of "degenerate art", so well done there.) The third exhibit is filled with war trophies and reconstructions from a failed Phyrexian invasion of Capenna many years prior, which she is angriest of all with (and fair enough, I suppose.) But then, after she's done completely trashing the place, she spots a number of angel statues on the cathedral across the plaza, and she goes apeshit. In a fugue of white-hot rage, she pulverizes the angel heads, and here is where I have to ask my second question:

Why angels? If you are trying to invoke fascist attitudes toward art, big statues of angels are precisely the wrong thing for your fascist analogues to hate. Fascists love monumental, heroic representations of superhuman perfection. It's practically their whole aesthetic deal. I understand that we're foreshadowing the imminent defeat of Phyrexia at the hands of legions of angels and a multiversal proliferation of angel juice, but that just leads to the exact same question: why angels? To the best of my knowledge, the Phyrexian weakness to New Capennan angel juice is something invented for this storyline. They have, after all, been happily compleating angels since 1997. We could talk about the in-universe justification for why Halo specifically is so potent, but I don't remember what that justification is, and also don't care. Let's not jump back in the ditch, please. The point is, someone decided that this time, Phyrexia would be defeated by an angelic host, and what does that mean? What is the text trying to say? What are its precepts and axioms?

Let me ask you a question: how many physically disabled angels are there in Magic: the Gathering? How about transsexual angels? How many angels are there, on all of the cards that have ever been printed for Magic: the Gathering, that are even just a bit ugly? Do you get it yet? Or do you need me to spell it out for you?

SPELLING IT OUT FOR YOU

There is a kind of body which is bad. It is bad because it has been significantly altered from its natural state, and it is bad because it is repellent to our aesthetic sensibilities.

The bad kind of body is contagious. It spreads through contact. Sometimes people we love are infected, and then they become the bad kind of body too.

There is a kind of body which is good. It is good because it is pleasing to our aesthetic sensibilities, and it is good because it is unaltered from its (super)natural state.

A happy ending is when all the good bodies destroy or drive into hiding all of the bad bodies. A happy ending is when the bad bodies of the people we love are forcibly returned to being the good kind of body.

Do you get it now?

ENDNOTES

It's worth noting that the ditch is very similar to the white American Evangelical hermeneutics of "the Bible says it. I believe it. That settles it," the defensive chapter-and-verse-or-it-didn't-happen approach to reading a text, what Fred Clark of slacktivist calls "concordance-ism". I don't think that's accidental. We stand underneath centuries of people reading the Bible very poorly - how could that not affect how we read things today? We are participants in history whether we like it or not.

I sincerely hope I haven't come across as condescending in this essay. Close reading is legitimately difficult! They teach college courses on this stuff! And while it is frustrating to have my close readings interrogated by people who... aren't doing that, like. I do get it. I find myself back in the ditch all the time. This stuff is hard. It is also, sorry, crucial if you intend to say something about a text that's worth saying.

I also hope I've communicated clearly here. Magic story is sufficiently incoherent that trying to develop a thesis about it often feels like trying to nail jello to the wall. If anyone has questions, please ask them! And thank you for reading. Next time, we'll probably do the new Eldraine set.

#phyrexia #not defining the ditch except by implication #thanks to all the very smart vorthoi on the flavor text discord server for helping me work through my thoughts on fascism and phyrexia #this is technically the march of the machine review also #or as much of one as i care to do

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hailsatanacab · 6 months

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A Persuasive Argument - dpxdc

"Great!" Danny says, clapping his hands together to get everyone's attention. The dinner table falls silent as everyone looks towards him. It's a full house today and, honestly, Danny's a little nervous. "I'm sure you're all wondering why I gathered you here today."

"It's dinnertime. In our house." Duke mutters, while doing a very bad job of concealing his yawn. He holds his fork poised over the braised beef, but, just like everyone else, still looks towards Danny before tucking in. It's intriguing enough to wait.

"Yeah, no one misses Alfie's dinner." Dick says, with a brilliant smile that Danny can't help but return.

"Precisely! What better time to talk to you all than when you're all actually here!"

"Wait, I thought you came round to work on our English essays?" Tim asks, blinking owlishly.

"I'm afraid I've lured you here under false pretences, Tim."

"This is where I live."

"I would still really appreciate help on that essay though, I mean, what the hell is Hamlet even about? I just don't get that old time-y language, like 'Hark! A ghost hath killed me!' - absolute rubbish, what does that even mean?"

"The ghost never kills anyone in Hamlet, he's there to tell Hamlet that he was murdered. Have you actually read it?"

"No, but it sounds like you have. Tim, I want this guy to help me with my essay instead. I know for a fact that you haven't read Hamlet, either."

"So? We don't need Jason, I've read the Sparknotes."

"Hi Jason, I'm Danny, pleasure to meet you, summarise Hamlet in three sentences or less."

"Am I auditioning to help you write your essays? I can't believe you’ve gone through your whole school life without reading it, it’s good!"

"Hamlet, along with a number of other classics, was banned in our house because it portrayed ghosts as intelligent and sympathetic beings rather than evil, animalistic beasts. I didn’t even get to see The Muppet's Christmas Carol until last year with Tim! It was surprisingly good, and I hate Christmas because everyone always argued and it sucked. But we're getting off topic. I—"

"No, no, please go back to that, because what the fu—"

"Boys, please." Bruce interrupts, looking to the world as if he wants to hang his head in his hands. "Danny, you were about to say something?"

"Oh, yeah, Mr. Wayne! Thanks!"

"Please, call me Bruce."

"Well, that very succinctly brings me to my point, because I'd actually really like to call you dad."

Nobody says a word. Nobody even blinks, all as shocked as the other, watching open-mouthed as Danny pulls his laptop out from beside his chair. Bruce can definitely feel a headache coming on.

"Before you say anything, I've prepared a 69 slide PowerPoint presentation on why you, Bruce Wayne, should adopt me, Danny Last-Name-Pending. Please save your questions, comments, and verdict until the end, thank you."

#dpxdc #batpham #i forget - can we tag the parent fandoms? w/e #immediately alfred's like: while i do appreciate your initiative may i suggest it wait until after dinner?#and danny - who has barely eaten proper homecooked food ever - takes one bite and then absolutely wolfs down the whole lot #after he's finished he's like 'bear with - I've got to add that to the 'Reasons I Would Like to Live Here' section'#danny's powerpoint has tailored sections for each batfam member with lists of reasons why they'd get along #my au thoughts on this is that the fentons disowned danny when he told them he was phantom #and that this is after the ultimate enemy - wherein which he allied himself with the JL to fight against dan #(which didnt really work at all - BUT he knows some of their identities now INCLUDING batman's)#so one of the main reasons why he'd be a great fit is that he knows their vigilante status anyway so they don’t need to worry about secrets #dick just turns to tim like 'he’s your friend. he learnt this from you.'#tim: 'i didn't tell him our identities!! i would never!!'#dick: 'no i know that. it's the stalker tendancies. it's baby tim all over again'#tim: scandalised gasp #they all eat dinner in silence just super subdued and in shock and sending glances to bruce and danny #duke like: 'so i know I'm the last one in the family but like... this isn't how it normally happens right? did any of you make powerpoints?#tim gets all shifty because he absolutely did make a powerpoint he just never actually showed it to anyone #everyone stares at tim because they all know. it was in one of bab's blackmail files she has on him #damian's slide has danny offering to throw down at any time. 'tim says you like to prove yourself with your skills?#how about a real challenge? if i beat you then you have to vote yes to adopting me!'#damian is in two minds about accepting because... 1) look at him damian could take danny in his sleep! but #2) on the off chance that he does win... damian does not want any more brothers #(he takes the bet and its a suprisingly fun fight - and while he'll never say this... he would vote yes even without the wager)#on one of danny's slides there's a picture of ellie: you'll also get my clone sister! two children for the price of one!!#uhhh.... thats it now - I've been having fun with this haha #spent all day with the 'ive lured you here under false pretences' 'danny i live here' line in my head haha #anyway enjoy!!!!!! this was fun #i wanna make these slides so bad

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deadsetobsessions · 11 days

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Sea Cryptic! Danny AU- Pt. 7

[Pt.1] [Pt.2] [Pt.3] [Pt.4] [Pt.5] [Pt.6]

“I’m having a child.”

Danny stared at Batman.

“…Uh, congrats?”

Batman whips out a stack of paper and a pen. “It’s you. Sign here and initial the highlighted spots.”

Danny instinctively, from years of dealing with Vlad, whacked the stack right out of Batman’s hands and into the bay. He doesn’t even feel bad about littering this time because, “Begone, fruitloop!”

Wait, no, that’s not what he meant.

“I mean- I have parents!”

“Not for long.” Batman muttered and then did a double take. “You have parents? How?”

Danny gasped, placing a hand on his chest to clutch his metaphorical pearls. He ignored Batman’s mutters. Everyone knows the vigilante has an adoption problem. At least, everyone who lived in Gotham did, as everyone who didn’t was somehow convinced that he “worked alone” or some bullshit like that. “Are you naturally this insensitive or were you dropped on your head as a baby? Obviously I had to come from somewhere.”

“They’re still… alive?”

“And kicking,” Danny said, inching away from yet another rich weird guy trying to adopt him. “Mostly the kicking part, though.” He said, remembering the sparring sessions. His mom could kick his as six ways to Sunday with nothing but jiu-jitsu and still have time to work in the lab.

“I see.”

“I’m charging you extra for the emotional upheaval. I have trauma regarding rich people trying to adopt me.”

Batman sullenly handed over a thousand.

“Sweet. There’s a group of shades down here asking if you could find their murderer. Apparently the serial killer is still at large.” Danny pointed.

“Of course. Tell me everything.”

The adoption papers disappeared as Batman went into detective mode.

Danny shoved the cash into his glowing chest and breathed a sigh of relief. He needed to make rent this month so it was a windfall running into Batman.

——

“Hey, Tim?”

Tim woke up from his Power Nap. “Huh?”

“Phantom’s complaining that Batman kept trying to adopt him.”

Tim blinked. “Uh.. what does that have to do with me?”

Danny stared at him, a patiently amused smile on his face. “Just in case the rumor about the Wayne’s sugar-daddy-into the Bats was a thing. Other than that, we might have to confront Batman to get him off of Phantom’s back. ”

“You… want to confront Batman.”

“Hey, man, Phantom’s a friend and it’s ride or die.” Danny snickered. It was literally die, with his Phantom side of things. He held two fists up, and wound them, like Popeye right after eating spinach or something. “And if Batman bothers Phantom, we ride at dawn.”

“Batman doesn’t come out unless it’s dark, though? Or for the Justice League.” Tim grinned. He mentally classified Danny under his “to go to” list. That’s where Bart, Bernard, Cassie, Kon, and Garfield were. If he starts shit, he could count on them to have his back and cause even more shit. Danny, wanting to fistfight Bruce over the man making Phantom uncomfortable? He absolutely is making that list.

“Then we ride at, like, dusk. Or uh, like 10PM. I gotta get my beauty sleep.”

“You’ll definitely need it,” Tim inconspicuously texted the group chat, which quickly blew up.

“Shut up,” Danny playfully shoved Tim. “Wait, can Batman even legally adopt? Isn’t being a vigilante illegal? And how can he adopt someone dead?”

Tim dramatically flailed and splayed over Danny’s carpeted living room. “Dunno about his identity,” he lied to Danny, like a liar. “But Gotham has a bunch of laws for the undead/restored to life people so there’s probably enough gray space there.”

Danny spluttered. “You guys have undead friendly laws?”

“Yeah, geht do you think Grundy just chills out? Plus, we have like a minor resurrection event every few years. It usually doesn’t stick but sometimes it does. Bruce pushed for those laws when Jason came back to life, except he doesn’t actually want people to know he’s like, alive.”

“Jason died?” Danny blinked. Well, that would explain the vibes. “Huh. So what’s up with his rank vibes then?”

“Rank vibes?” Tim pressed record on his phone.

Danny nodded. “Yeah, you know how Phantom’s got like a really chill green vibe?” Inwardly, Danny snickered at his pun. Chill. Yeah, he meant that very literally. “Jason’s got kind of a rank green vibe. He’s kind of stinky? Definitely never introduce him to Phantom.” Danny’s senses got worse in his ghost form.

“Jason regularly showers, though?!”

“Not smell! Like, a spiritual smell?”

“You can smell souls?!” Tim sat up. “Bro, you’re a meta?!”

“Uh.” Danny hesitated. “Yeah. I can smell souls. It’s a thing. Everyone from my town can do it.”

“What?!” Tim paused. “Wait, can Phantom smell souls?”

“Yeah. We’re, uh, from the same town.”

“Danny, what the fuck?”

“Hey, don’t look at me like that, you’re the one with a soul-sick brother! Not to mention, you’re kinda stinky too!”

“Hey!”

“Soul-stinky nerd man!”

——

“I stink?!” Jason spluttered out, extremely offended.

“The Lazarus pits. He’s most likely smelling traces of Lazarus pit on you, you imbecile.”

“We need to speak to Phantom. This instant.”

“I dunno, B. Danny sounded like he was gonna break your face if you bothered Phantom anymore.” Dick snickered.

“Yeah,” Tim chimed in, from his seat in front of the Bat-computer. “He was pretty serious.”

“Are we just gonna glaze over the fact that they’re from the same town?!” Stephanie exclaimed, practicing her moves on a training dummy.

“How does that even work? What does that mean? I thought Phantom was an immortal?” Duke asked.

“We also can’t rule out time-travel.” Barbara slammed her baton into a training dummy, twisting her wheelchair in an agile maneuver that left the dummy on the floor.

“No bothering Phantom.” Cass proclaimed.

“That’s quite right. You all have a warm dinner sitting above your cave and should it remain uneaten, I assure you that sherbet Sunday and crêpe Tuesday shall be canceled.” Alfred stepped in. The Bats, threatened, scrambled to ditch their gear and go upstairs.

#Danny: not another adoption!#Vlad and Bruce trying to adopt Danny even though he’s got parents:🤝#batman #danny phantom #tim drake #jason todd #bruce wayne #dc x dp #bamf danny phantom #dpxdc #dcxdp #dcxdp crossover #sea cryptic! danny au

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