#being married to my husband has been super healing in breaking me free from a lot of it

[my-commonplace]

The Whole-Brain Child, Daniel Siegel and Tina Bryson

#OH WAIT THIS EXPLAINS MY STRUGGLES THO #being married to my husband has been super healing in breaking me free from a lot of it #this is a parenting book but it still speaks to my own mental struggles lmao #the whole brain child #daniel siegel #tina bryson #neuroscience #parenting

[disgruntledspacedad]

Javier Peña and commitment

a better love series  character analysis

Okay, not-so-briefly, let me finish what I started with this post, and say a few more words about Javier Peña and commitment. 

I think typical fanon describes Javi as a rogue, smoky, commitment-phobe man slut. The kind of guy who never settles down because he’s too busy having fun with his hookers. And yeah, at first glance, that’s a valid assumption. Javi definitely puts off that vibe. Hell, I think he even believes that of himself. 

I call bullshit, though. 

Javi is obviously an affection starved softie who is seeking intimacy and human contact. He just doesn’t know how to get it. Watch how deeply he connects with each of the women he sleeps with. He publicly greets the hookers in Medellín by name (like seriously what man does this??) and his relationship with Gabby seems intensely personal. He cares about what happens to her. He’s sweet, almost tender with her. 

This is a man with a huge heart and deep, unfulfilled needs.

Now, let me tease apart what I think happened that scarred Javi so profoundly.

I want to start with his family life. 

Now, a lot of this falls deep into headcanon territory, but this entire post is in context of Better Love, so that’s fine. However, I don’t think it’s too far off the mark for canon Javi, too. Just things to bear in mind.

Okay, so in The Kingpin Strategy, Chucho makes references to the fact that Javi has always been free spirited and idealistic. “You couldn’t wait to get out of here.”

Javi says, “It was right here, wasn’t it? The last time we had this conversation.” He sounds resentful, frustrated.

And Chucho replies, “You didn’t listen to me then, either.”

Man oh man, this says a lot. There’s a lot of reference to some very old bitterness, most (but not all of it) on Javi’s end. Let’s break it down.

In Better Love, Javi lost his mom to colon cancer when he was nineteen. We know from canon that he was chomping at the bits to get out of town, so I kind of think that Javi packed his bags the day that he turned eighteen and left. He’s from a small, close knit family, and him taking off into the blue without any warning would have shocked them. It would have hurt. 

The fact that he and Chuco have their conversation in the driveway is telling, too. 

I think Javi spent some significant time estranged from his family, and things were probably still rocky between them when his mom passed away. Colon cancer can be pretty subtle. Javi’s mom didn’t get a diagnosis until it was far too late for effective treatment. It would have hit her hard and fast, and she and Javi may not have had much time to reconcile. Hell, she was upset by Javi leaving - she may not have even told him what was going on.

Ouch.

Now, Javi is a guy that silently shoulders all of the responsibility that he’s not meant to carry, and he’s absolutely going to blame himself for taking off like that, and for being too stubborn to call home and check on Mom. Her death is the first in a series of wounds that lead to Javi’s (very misguided) belief that he’s a shit human, when truly, nothing could be further from the truth. 

Next, let’s talk about Lorraine. 

We know from Javi’s conversation with Steve that he thinks Lorraine was better off without him, giving us another glimpse of that deep seated self-loathing that we know he carries. Javi almost sounds wistful, like he regrets leaving her. Certainly, he regrets hurting her (more proof that Javi is actually a pretty sensitive guy - he knows he fucked up). But then we actually meet Lorraine in season three, and there’s something really weird there. 

Now, granted, Javi left her at the alter. Things are bound to be weird. But look at how he’s drawn to her, like he just can’t help crossing the room to see her again, even years later. That was the first big red flag for me. 

Then, watch how Lorraine treats him. She’s dismissive, pretty biting. And okay, yeah, she’s well within her right to be bitter. But then she says this:

“Can you imagine if we actually were married?”

Like, scoffs it. Guys, that’s a pretty serious dig. Lorraine is implying that Javi is beneath her, that he could never, ever be decent husband material. And watch his reaction. He takes this cut like he’s used to taking this cut from her. I don't know, but to me, it just reeks of a history of toxicity.

Men are absolutely capable of being the victims of toxic relationships and emotional abuse. I mean, duh. But try telling that to Javier Peña, with his tendency to internalize and self destruct. 

It would make a lot of sense to me that their relationship was built on this type of fucked up interaction, with Lorraine constantly pushing Javi to be this perfect dude with a white picket fence, and constantly calling him on his “failure” to do so. Maybe some of it was rooted in racism and classism - Lorraine seems like she could be that petty, materialistic type. Maybe Javi just wasn’t ready to settle down. 

Remember, too, that Javi’s love language is acts of service. He’s not a super romantic guy in the traditional sense, but he wants to do things for the person he loves, practical, tangible things to keep them safe and happy. If Javi thought that he could do better by Lorraine by putting a ring on her finger, it might be pretty easy to persuade him that he “ought” to do that, especially if there’s a continued history of verbal abuse. Remember that we tend to believe the things our abusers say about us, and that most of the time, this stuff starts subtle. If Lorraine is constantly suggesting that Javi’s not good enough for her, eventually, he’s going to fucking believe it. 

And consider the fallout of skipping town on your wedding day. No matter if the relationship is healthy or not, men tend to get the short end of the stick when it comes to breakup sympathy, and to leave a pretty woman like Lorraine waiting at the alter? My god, people would have been vicious to Javi. 

He probably believed all of the shitty things they said about him.

Javi threw himself into his career, and between a dangerous, high stress job with the DEA and never addressing these old hurts (Javi just doesn’t do that, you know), what you wind up with is a deeply wounded, “self sufficient” (read: emotionally constipated) man with raging self esteem issues and an intense fear of emotional intimacy. Now, all of this shit might have scarred Javi, but it doesn’t change his nature. Javi has a huge heart, he’s fiercely idealistic, and he desperately wants to do the right thing. And we all need love and human connection. 

Javi just denies this emphatically. 

But the ugly truth is, Javi avoids long term relationships because he thinks he doesn’t deserve them. It’s not even about being hurt again, not anymore. He almost sees it as an ethical thing, dammit. Give this boy a hug. 

This is why it took a fucking bomb to get him off his ass and admit his feelings for Ears. Javi would never, ever have done that without something very radical catching his attention. He would have let Ears walk straight out of his life, and yeah, it would have torn him to pieces, and he’d have always regretted it and wondered ‘what if,’ but that fear is an old, deeply rooted thing. That’s why I have Ears sort of pick up on the gravity of Javi saying, “I’m all in,” to her at the end of The Rules of Engagement. She’s not eloquent, but she’s pretty intuitive, and she knows that a commitment is something that Javier Peña does not take lightly.

And let me just say this about commitment: Javier Peña is a man who honors his fucking commitments. Watch what he’s willing to do for his informants - he always, always puts their wellbeing first, even before his own, even before the integrity of the hunt for the cartels. 

And Javier Peña is beyond devoted to bringing down the cartels. Like, that’s his entire arc in the show, right?

He’s committed to justice, too. Like fiercely, will do fucking anything to make things right, to make them fair. He wants to do the right thing so much it burns.

So, I don’t think it’s fair at all to say that Javier Peña is a man who fears commitment. He fears intimacy, while at the same time, he craves it. He fears human connection, when really, that’s the thing he needs most. 

But he doesn’t fuck around once he decides something. 

Which is the really, really fun thing about Better Love. For the first time, we get to see Javier Peña, the idealist who wears his poorly disguised heart blatantly on his sleeve, the man who goes for broke trying to get things done, the man who’s passions literally destroy him, in an intensely emotional relationship with another human. One who is just as devoted to him in return. 

So, anyway, if you’re still reading this, wow. I just wanted to babble about how Javier Peña is far more than brooding testosterone. Actually, he’s a very soft boy who needs patience and a lot of healing, and somebody who is willing to meet him exactly where he is and love him because of it.

And I want to give him that. 

#Javier Peña #Javier Peña x reader #narcos #narcos netflix #pedro pascal #Javier Peña headcanon #Javier Peña imagine #Javier Peña x you #better love #the rules of engagement #i will spam you guys about this precious disaster couple for as long as you let me

[gizkasparadise]

cdrama rec/review: go ahead

KDRAMA AND CDRAMA MASTER LIST OF REVIEWS

Series: go ahead Episodes: 40 Genres: family, healing/melodrama, slice of life, romance Spoilers in the Rec: for the first 20% ish/set-up If You Like, You’ll Like: reply 1988, le coup de foudre, find yourself (same production company/main male actor), rain or shine/just between lovers, found family stories, meet again stories

Rank: 10/10** (see Drawbacks section)

PREMISE

widower hai chao and his 6 year old daughter jian jian live happily above his noodle restaurant despite the recent, tragic death of his wife. one day, dysfunction junction a married couple (he ping, a police officer, and chen ting, a real piece of work) move into the same building with their 7 year old son, ling xiao. immediately, jian jian attaches herself to ling xiao, who is unexpectedly grim for a small child. 

because ling xiao’s family is less-than-healthily grieving the loss of their youngest child, ling xiao’s sister who died in a terrible accident. The Apartment of Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms eventually implodes, ending with chen ting abandoning her husband and son. he ping, suddenly a single father, and hai chao come to a friendly partnership that is clearly alluding to gay marriage where they co-raise both of their kids--hai chao as the primary caregiver, and he ping supporting them financially through his job as a policeman.

meanwhile, the neighborhood busybody is dead-set on getting hia chao remarried. eventually she introduces him to a divorced single mother, he mei, and her son zi qiu, who is ling xiao’s age. they sort of start to date, but it culminates in he mei skipping town and leaving zi qiu behind. hai chao, man with a heart of gold, informally adopts him and zi qiu becomes jianjian’s foster brother.

from there, the trio grow up happily and become inseparable. but once zi qiu and ling xiao graduate high school, the bullshit parade their respective childhood skeletons reappear in their lives. circumstances lead to the boys moving overseas, leaving jianjian and their fathers behind. 

they reunite after 9 years, when the boys return to a home where they hope to pick things back up from where they left off. things are more complicated than that, as jianjian finds herself in a new life and surrounded by new people. 

MAIN CHARACTERS

li jian jian

hai chao’s daughter and the only girl in the family. she attended the required short-hair-low-grades training program required of all cdrama youth female leads. super positive and outgoing, as well as the youngest of the three pseudo-siblings, jian jian grows up spoiled and over protected by her father and brothers, and as a result is completely devastated once her family falls apart. it’s so sad.

after the time skip, she’s an on-the-verge successful artist who makes woodcarvings, and exudes big art bro energy. inhales sugar like it’s nobody’s business. she inherited her father’s disease called caring too much, and it’s incurable!! 

ling xiao

the eldest brother and resident fun police. ling xiao comes from a seriously toxic home that finally seems to improve once his mother leaves. but then she comes back. fucking great. introverted to the point of being withdrawn to anyone but his chosen family, ling xiao’s had to carry a lot of emotional weight that takes a larger and larger toll on him as the series progresses. please get this boy some therapy. 

becomes a dentist because jian jian needs one. wears a lot of monochromatic outfits with low necklines because heavy angst but make it fashion. has been in love with jian jian since high school and is still carrying that torch 9 years later.

he zi qiu  

the middle child who grows up in hai chao and jian jian’s home, and is her foster brother in all but paperwork. hotheaded, zi qiu and jian jian basically share two brain cells that ling xiao routinely takes from them for safekeeping. he spoils jian jian, sneaking her snacks and junk food and wants to become a pastry chef so he can open a sweet shop for her!!

my favorite character. just wants to be wanted 8( him and hai chao’s relationship is my favorite dynamic in the series. will sob while driving a pink moped. is too proud to beg

li hai chao (left) and ling he ping (right)

the greatest (hai chao) and okayest (he ping) dads in the world! noodle dad/hai chao has never done anything wrong in his life, ever, and we know this and we love him. he ping isn’t a bad person, but demonstrates pretty classic absentee parenting/isn’t as emotionally present in his son’s life as hai chao. hai chao is the heart of the family, and would do anything for his kids 8( 

SOME SUPPORT CHARACTERS 

tang can (left) and qiu ming yue (right)

jian jian’s #GirlGang and roommates. they, like literally everyone in this drama, have some severe mom issue hang-ups. tang can (left) is a former child actress who is struggling with her lack of success as an adult and gives well-meaning but absolutely terrible advice on the regular. 

ming yue (right) is jian jian’s best friend since childhood and as an adult is trying to break free from her mother’s controlling nature--she’s also had a thing for ling xiao for the last 9 years. raises fish for symbolism purposes.

chen ting

ling xiao’s mom and certified garbage human. unable to cope with the death of her daughter that was her fault lbr, she abandons her family and disappears for ten years. she forces her way back into ling xiao’s life when he turns 18, where it’s revealed that she’s remarried and ling xiao has a younger half-sister chengzi (”little orange”). shit goes down, and soon ling xiao is forced to move back to singapore to serve as primary caregiver to both his mother who abandoned him and the half sister he barely knows. 

emotionally abusive and basically hits every single square on the toxic parent bingo card. i just. i just hate her. even typing this out is making me mad.

he mei

zi qiu’s mother. after a few dates with hai chao, she ends up ditching her kid and disappearing for unknown reasons. is a slightly better parent than chen ting but that’s like saying some poison kills you slower. the show tries to bring us around on her but it didnt work for me. 

SOME OTHERS

zhuang bei, zi qiu’s best friend growing up who i would like a lot less if he wasn’t played by the same actor who played my beloved dachuan

zheng shuran, jian jian’s first boyfriend and fellow artist who’s got a weird thing for women’s waists and pretentious artists’ statements

du juan, jian jian’s friend who co-owns their woodworking studio. has absolute trash taste in men

chengzi, ling xiao’s half-sister who can be a brat but dear god does she need to be protected/saved 

**DRAWBACKS

so this is a weird one for me. what i didn’t like i really didn’t like, but what i loved i really loved. ultimately, the factors/uniqueness of this show and the loveability of the main characters outweighed the negatives and it’s one of my favorite dramas.

THAT SAID. i got some #thoughts on this one. 

first, there are literally no positive mother figures in this show. not a damn one. they are all negligent or controlling at best or down right abusive at worst. no woman over 30 is portrayed positively and that’s a big No from me. 

the last 10 eps have some pacing issues and focus on the wrong people. spending the remaining episodes focused on one of the most universally hated characters vs. the main family was a bad move 

the show tried to redeem or make us sympathize with characters that were, to me, completely irredeemable. one case is worse than the other, but both of them were terrible people that deserved to be cut out of the main family’s lives.  

REASONS TO WATCH

the main family. the characters are so wonderful and nuanced, and their dynamics with one another were amazing. you’ll fall in love with hai chao aka noodle dad and the trio. they go through so many trials but they still stick together and it’s ultimately a healing drama and i loved it very much.

the central romance was less in focus, but the pining is enough to make jane austen emerge from the grave. i loved the leads together, and while LOL ling xiao’s attachment to jian jian was not always healthy, they supported each other and it made me smile. i love me a tortured pining dude.

#Acting. everyone played their parts to perfection. the child actors in particular were so well-cast (esp baby zi qiu)

the soundtrack lmao. you watch the opening credits and know you’ll need to buckle up

idk it’s a very unique show, and i haven’t seen one like it. reply 1988 comes close, but it doesn’t tackle the same issues and it was all just very real and earnest. 

Final Thoughts.

GOODNIGHT, GOOODBYYYYYE MY CHILDREEEEEEEN

#go ahead #song weilong #zhang xincheng #tan songyun #cdrama #gizka does kdrama

[temarisnara]

for the meme: naruto, sakura, sasuke, kakashi

THANK YOU!!!!!!! 

naruto

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang  hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuff (i haven’t actually thought too much about these so i’m going with my gut here but dicey and i were talking tonight about the generational difference between naruto and jiraiya when it comes to loyalty. jiraiya grew up in a time of war and is a solider, he was trained to be loyal to the village. if it came down to it, he’d kill even tsunade if she betrayed the village. naruto is loyal to people. if sakura betrayed the village, he would never give up on her, just like he never gave up on sasuke. naruto wants to protect the village because the village is where the people he loves live. naruto’s entire narrative arc is about bonds so i’m pretty sure he’s a hufflepuff) best quality: god i just wrote a fucking essay above about it- his loyalty and bonds to other people. everyone he meets is now his friend whether they like it or not ! he was just such a lonely kid, desperate for attention, for love, for acknowledgement, anything at all. and it would’ve been so easy for him to sit in that, to let himself hate the village, to resent them- but he didn’t. he set out to prove them wrong and he did. he is so, so, so fucking good. worst quality: HIS TASTE IN MEN. okay like, on the real, it’s not his fault and boruto isn’t real but it’s such UTTER BULLSHIT that the entire fucking series he met these people who got fucked over by the village status quo and he promised them he was going to change it when he became hokage and he fucking didn’t. its BULLSHIT. it’s not his fault, that’s not him, but GOD i’m MAD. ship them with: SAKURA, sasuke, gaara, shikamaru, sai, kiba, hinata.   brotp them with: SAKURA- in fact all of the above list. he has great dynamics with them. also, kakashi, iruka, jiraiya, tsunade, choji, i like to imagine his and ino’s dynamic as fucking hilarious when they’re older. oh and i want him and karin to be annoying cousins together like PLEASE i DESERVE THIS. needs to stay away from: STOP SHIPPING HIM WITH KAKASHI!!!!!!!! ENOUGH!!!!! GO TO JAIL!!!!!!!!! misc. thoughts: that’s my fucking BABY i’ve shed SO MANY TEARS over this blonde idiot. he’s so good. 

sakura

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuff (again, havent thought about it before now, but my gut SCREAMs gryffindor. she’s so...punchy, and head strong, and hard working. just like. all the gryffindor traits!) best quality: sakura’s character development lives rent free in my head. like. okay. sakura always had potential. she ranked high in her classes, she had better chakra control than naruto or sasuke, mastered things quicker than them, was observant and book smart. but physically and emotionally, she was weak! she could not hold her own in battle the way naruto or sasuke could, and often her fear got in the way, if not straight up controlled her. when naruto and sasuke fought, she could do nothing but beg them to stop. when sasuke left the village, he easily knocked her out. and sakura knew she was the weak link of team 7. so she resolved to get stronger. she sought out tsunade and trained with her for four years. and like, tsunade is an insane person. sakura would break her bones and tsunade would have her keep training and just heal them later. she mastered healing. she mastered chakra control. she developed fucking superhuman strength. she refused to be the weak link anymore, to just sit back helplessly while naruto and sasuke fought. she’s from a civilian family, she has NOTHING in terms of innate ninja abilities like literally everyone else in her class, but she became the strongest female ninja of her generation and surpassed her legendary sannin mentor through sheer hard work and determination. FUCK. she’s so cool.  worst quality: again, this is NOT HER FAULT, it’s bad sexist writing, but sakura is such a fun and obnoxious character who matches naruto beat for beat, but when sasuke comes around she’s a shell of herself. even when she’s MARRIED TO HIM she doesn’t act like herself. she’s reverted back to that inflatuated 12 year old she’s long outgrown! bro, WHAT!  ship them with: NARUTO AND INO. and. ok. listen. i’ve become soft for sasuke/sakura’s potential. if sakura got to be herself with sasuke, they’d be, at the very least, FUN. and sasuke/naruto/sakura is so fun. also rock lee is so sweet, i would not have been mad if they’d been endgame. brotp them with: NARUTO AND INO. kakashi, tsunade, hinata, rock lee.  needs to stay away from: STOP!!! SHIPPING!!! KAKASHI!!! WITH!!! HIS!!! STUDENTS!!!!!!! misc. thoughts: i knew i would love sakura. look at her. she has pink hair and she punches things. 10/10. but she quickly, quickly became not just my favorite naruto character, but one of my favorite characters in all of shounen anime. the ball was dropped with her, multiple times, but she’s still such a dynamic fucking character with the best character development. 

sasuke

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life | there aren’t words to describe how i feel about him  hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuff (sasuke is...hard. i think the argument for gryffindor could also be made, but i’m leaning towards slytherin) best quality: i’m so tired. the thing about sasuke is....he deserved so much better than he got. i can’t tell you what his best quality is because his entire character arc is him being self destructive. he’s not fucking well!!!! the good parts of him he either tries to snuff out, or the story glosses over them to show how far he’s fallen. I think, the one good quality that refused to die, is his protectiveness. Him protecting Naruto in the Zabuza arc was such a pivotal moment for him, for his and Naruto’s relationship, for Team 7, for the story. It was the moment where everything changed. He was so desperate to protect Naruto from Itachi, he was super protective of Sakura in the forest of death, and even in Shippuden, he’s protective of team Taka, and unfortunately the moment I finally  broke and said fuck it, I love Sasuke, is when he protected Naruto, Sakura, and Kakashi from the infinite tsukiyomi.  worst quality: his extremism lmao like. god. again, dicey and i have talked about this, how characters who challenge the status quo are portrayed as ~crazy~ and extremists so yet again, its BAD WRITING but also PROPAGANDA! god. but like, i’m sorry, fuck the village but he wanted to go after people who were not involved in what happened to Itachi. I understand his anger, but I wish the narrative had treated it and him with respect rather than throwing a fucking dart at a board to decide what Sasuke’s character arc was going to be about this week! ship them with: naruto, suigetsu, juugo, and again, lowkey sakura. brotp them with: naruto, sakura, kakashi, team taka, itachi needs to stay away from: STOP SHIPPING HIM WITH HIS TEACHER AND BROTHER. YALL.  misc. thoughts: i’m so fucking tired. what was kishimoto trying to do with him! i don’t understand! sasuke was right! he was fully right to hate the village, to demand change. why did kishimoto have the  village repeatedly doing heinous, evil things, validating sasuke’s resentment, but sasuke was portrayed as being in the wrong. ALSO, the ENTIRE. FUCKING. POINT. of naruto is  bonds, and how important friendship and love is, and sasuke’s entire GODDAMN NARRATIVE is about him breaking those bonds to become stronger, and destroying himself in the process, and everyone he loves telling him this isn’t the right path, and FINALLY he accepts it- and then in boruto he’s JUST. ALONE? HE HASNT MET HIS DAUGHTER IN 12 YEARS WHEN FAMILY WAS SO IMPORTANT TO HIM???? I HATE IT. I HATE IT. THIS IS SO BAD. SASUKE DESERVED BETTER.

kakashi

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuff (i want to say ravenclaw and make team 7 representation of all the houses but that man is a gryffindor through and through) best quality: honestly kakashi is a lot of good things but he’s not a character i look at and go “oh i love him because he’s _____”. i love him because he’s a character who has suffered so, so much, who has depression and ptsd and truthfully he just wants to fucking die so fucking bad to the point obito has to tell him “fucking no, stay and live”, but he never gives up. he might be 3 hours late because he couldn’t find the strength to get out of bed, but he still got out of bed eventually and showed up. so, actually, i guess that’s his best quality. he keeps going. worst quality:  so like. how did he end up a teacher. i’m just wondering. LISTEN, HE LOVES HIS KIDS SO MUCH. but he is NOT well suited to teaching, he does not fucking like kids, sasuke and naruto are TRAUMATIZED and he’s just like “hm. when’s the new book of icha icha paradise coming out?” BROOOOOOOOOOOOOO ship them with: GAI IS HIS LEGAL HUSBAND AND SOULMATE. obito is his ex-boyfriend who he’ll always love an idolized version of.  brotp them with: naruto, sakura, sasuke, yamato, rin, asuma, kurenai.  needs to stay away from: [screeching] STOP! SHIPPING! HIM! WITH! CHILDREN! YOU’RE! GOING!  TO! JAIL! also i fucking hate kakashi/iruka THEY NEVER TALK?????????? WHY IS IT SO POPULAR??????  misc. thoughts: it’s fucking unfortunate how much he got to me. i knew i wouldn’t dislike him but he ended up being one of my favorite characters and i’m so mad. my reputation of hating fan favorites is on the line here!

[asparklethatisblue]

Writing Round Up 2019

I guess I do write enough for one of those. So here we go:

Dragon Age: 

A Cat’s Tenth Life (T - Dorian/The Iron Bull)

After a misfired spell Dorian finds himself in the possession of a freshly resurrected undead cat. Everyone is charmed and in love with the new addition to Skyhold - except the Iron Bull.

An illustrated fic of life in Skyhold with the presence of a spirit cat.

This was a collaboration with my good boy @hattedhedgehog (they did the art, the editing, and we brainstormed together). It’s a very cute little story with some slice of life and cat ghosts

The War Table (T - Dorian/The Iron Bull, Cullen/Inquisitor Lavellan)

Dorian decides to seize the moment and have some sneaky fun time on the War Table with Bull. Little does he know...he's not the first to have that idea.

A very short one shot, crack too

Licking Qunari and Other Bad Ideas (E - Arishok/Hawke)

Years of admiration and mutual attraction lead to Hawke and the Arishok striking up a hesitant affair. Predictably, things don't go smoothly at any point whatsoever.

An entire fic based on “what if someone accidentally licked the poison vitaar on Qunari skin” and a joke in the very final scene. Also the Arishok is hot and I will not be taking criticism at this moment

A Truth Found in Freedom (G - Dorian/The Iron Bull)

Skyhold becomes the home of a new group of Tal Vashoth, including a number of children. As Dorian and Bull grow closer to them, they must confront what family means to them, and what they might want from the future.

Once again a collaboration with Harry, in the same manner as before. A kidfic including adoption, character study, and lots of original characters. I originally got the idea when seeing a critique about the usual tropes in “Dorian and Bull adopt a Qunari child” and I really wanted to come up with a story that’s as close to what might actually happen as possible

Good Omens: 

Let Sleeping Snakes Lie (G - Crowley/Aziraphale)

Aziraphale confesses his love for Crowley when he can contain it no longer. Oh, not to the demon himself of course. To a sleeping snake.

A fic I wrote after not sleeping all night and then going to uni super early. It’s based on one of my favourite romance scenes from one of my favourite movies (Stardust) 

An Arrangement of Convenience (E - Crowley/Aziraphale) 

Aziraphale works to purchase a bookshop space, but currently being a woman-shaped creature has its drawbacks when faced with rude property owners. The most obvious solution is to get Crowley to act as his husband and deal with all that nonsense, of course.

So anyone who followed me for longer than a couple weeks knows that I’m absolutely head over heels for “Aziraphale presents as a lady in the 18th century) and I do so love romance stories and bodice rippers and so on. The fake married fic in which they are really enjoying the make believe

Fractured Heart (T - Crowley/Aziraphale)

Angels are sturdy beings, but rigid and changeless and not meant to endure grief or loss. When thousands Fall and many more are slain in the Great Rebellion, they either literally break apart...or forget. Aziraphale's only memories of his lost beloved are his lover's skill at creating stars. Memories he cherishes above all else. It complicates matters when his heart starts attaching to a certain demon, but perhaps his time on earth can teach him how to heal.

My only multichapter fic for Good Omens (so far?). I really got stuck on the idea of angelic marks being their scars, and it’s mostly character study and Aziraphale’s relation with grief and human capacity to change 

Spread Thy Wings (E - Crowley/Aziraphale) 

After everything they've been through, Crowley worries that he might accidentally get Aziraphale sick with each loving touch, now that they are together at last. After all a demon has Hell all over their body, and Hell's touch is harmful to angels. So while he works on a solution for that problem he can at least keep an eye on the state of Aziraphale's wings to make sure he's not hurt.

Aziraphale, meanwhile, gets the dawning suspicion that Crowley might indeed have a wing kink.

Sometimes I enjoy a trope a lot (Crowley worrying about the effect of his affection on Aziraphale) and then really want to do my own spin on it. I tried to do this as angst free as possible for Crowley at least

Forfeit (G - Crowley/Aziraphale) 

Aziraphale decides to teach Crowley a few Victorian party games, and Crowley learns about sneaky ways to flirt within a society based on yearning and repression.

honestly looking up Victorian social conventions is the best inspiration 

The Invention of the Salacious Selfie (E Crowley/Aziraphale)

Crowley invented the selfie. And right before doing that he invented the Dick Pic.

Secure in his knowledge that Aziraphale does not in fact own a mobile phone capable of displaying such images Crowley ends up sending dozens of saucy images. It's not like the angel can receive and look at them after all, or access the backlog should he ever get a phone. Right?

I just... needed to do something silly

The Hobbit: 

Thutratur (G Nori/Dwalin)

Without a mountain over his head Nori grew up with the stars above him. Good thing he's quite fond of them then.

Will I ever calm down about Nori and star symbolism? No

The Princess and the Thief (G - Nori & Dís, Nori/Dwalin) 

After an attempt to warn the royal family about an impeding burglary Nori ends up befriending princess Dís quite on accident. Despite their unusual first meeting and the differences between them it ends up lasting through the decades.

A collection of scenes in the lives of Dís and Nori

Slice of Life, in a way, I always liked to imagine that Nori is friends with someone in the royal family, especially Dís. 

#my fic #writing round up 2019

[tonystarkficrecs]

hey could you rec some fics where Tony is paired with someone other than Pepper but he and Pepper are still friends? I love her and I hate reading fics where she's vilified. Thanks! :)

I’m not a fan of villified!Pepper, either! I adore her. I feel like they’d remain friends even if they ended up breaking up, such as in these fics (and it’s a long list of them, too, so hopefully there’s some new stuff in there for you). I’m sure I missed some, so at some point I might add more to the list! The extent that their friendship is portrayed varies from fic to fic, but none of them should have any negativity towards her.

My Son, My Sun by Wordsplat

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Words: 70,151

Pairing: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark; Tony Stark & Peter Parker

Completed: Yes

Just before the events of Iron Man, a baby is left on Tony’s doorstep. He wants nothing to do with it at first, but his time in Afghanistan changes his mind and Tony vows to become a better man for his son’s sake.

Anew. by IViv

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Words: 130,567

Pairing: Tony Stark/Stephen Strange

Completed: Yes

In death, there was no glory, no redemption, no salvation.

Only darkness and ice—or that’s what Tony thought. He closed his eyes in a Siberian bunker and opened them again on his 41st birthday, with War Machine flying into the distance.

Still Alive by araydre, Menatiera, Neutralchaos, and yeppers

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Words: 62,088

Pairing: Bucky Barnes/Tony Stark

Completed: Yes

The Winter Soldier escaped from Hydra, and on the run, It needs a Mechanic to maintain the very efficient weapon attached to its body. It decides the best person for the work is the world’s best weapon expert: Tony Stark.Abducting him goes unexpectedly well. Then, complications come.

Paved With Good Intentions (I’m on the road to hell) by itsallAvengers

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Words: 121,126

Pairing: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark

Completed: No

When the mysterious group of vigilante assassins known only as ‘The Avengers’ are tipped off about the dirty secrets that lie within Stark Industries, Steve Rogers has his heart set on taking out Tony Stark for good in order to protect the rest of the world from his evil. He’s seen the footage, after all- Stark is a man who fights only for himself. And of course, when a job arises as chief bodyguard for Stark, to protect him from the growing threat of an ominously infatuated stalker, the opportunity is way too good for him to miss out on. It’s the perfect placement, and the perfect way to find out whether or not their tipoff is genuine.

But as Steve falls into rank as the new bodyguard for Mr. Stark and he spends time getting to know and protect him, his initial hatred begins to falter and merge into something different, something far more terrifying than the prospect of killing the face of Stark Industries.

Steve Rogers may just be falling in love with him instead.

Illuminate Me by Half_SubmergedinPurgatory

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Words: 130,041

Pairing: Bucky Barnes/Tony Stark

Completed: Yes

Tony isn’t a healthy man. He’s fine with that, really. It makes perfect sense. Unfortunately, he has a job to do that kind of has his health as a major requirement. So he unmakes himself, remakes the Accords, protects every single child super that enters his field of view, and hopes ferociously that the Avengers never come back to the US. He doesn’t spend any time at all rebuilding Bucky Barnes’ life. Not a single second. Anything he does that contributes to him is simply an accident.

Bucky is a patient man. It’s ok if Tony wants to ignore him for now. He won’t be able to forever.

(Somewhere in the world, a sense of dread crawls up the back of Tony’s spine)

Dig No Graves by miss-aphelion

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Words: 142,844

Pairing: James “Bucky” Barnes/Tony Stark

Completed: No

“I’m here to kill you, Terminator,” Tony said slowly, “does that compute?”

The soldier looked up at him with wide blue eyes and no expression. “Okay.”

Tony froze. “Okay,” he echoed. “I tell you I came here to kill you and your response is ‘okay’?”

“I am being decommissioned,” the soldier said, and for one horrible moment Tony thought he actually seemed relieved. “I understand. I will comply.”

(Or; Tony learns the Winter Soldier killed his parents and goes on a search for revenge, but ends up learning how to heal instead)

Saving the World (Is Totally a Date) by Wordsplat

★ ★ ★ ★

Words: 64,465

Pairing: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark

Completed: Yes

Tony discovers Stane’s betrayal while he’s still being held captive. When he escapes, he sets out to ruin Stane as completely and ruthlessly as he can, playing up his PTSD and quitting his job to destroy Stane quietly from the outside. He also picks up a teaching job-all Pepper’s fault-and oh, right, becomes a supervillain. Okay, that one was Tony’s fault, but it was totally an accident.

In the meantime, a certain Capsicle is defrosted a year early, and is assigned the task of capturing the notorious Iron Man. It’s not going particularly well, if the embarrassingly high number of times he’s been kidnapped in the past six months is any indication. When SHIELD decides to help him “adjust” by getting him a teaching job, Steve is skeptical; but then there’s Tony, and Steve finds he doesn’t mind the 21st century so much after all.

The Accidental Husband by panda_shi

★ ★ ★ ★

Words: 97,716

Pairing: Tony Stark/T’Challa

Completed: No

Tony Stark discovers, that during his lowest point when he had been almost-twenty-one, he had married the King of Wakanda. Except he doesn’t remember how. Now, trying to get a divorce is going to be one challenging thing – how is this his life, even? It’s almost unfair!

It’s Not Cosmetic by withasideofangst

★ ★ ★ ★

Words: 32,997

Pairing: Gen (pre Steve Rogers/Tony Stark)

Completed: Yes

After Afghanistan and Iron Man, SHIELD gave Tony a choice. He could out himself as Iron Man, or claim it was a bodyguard, and hide his face from the world.

Agent Agent never said anything, but Tony had hacked SHIELD’s servers and knew they wanted him to go the bodyguard route. Yes to Iron Man and no to Tony Stark, and all that.

That, as well as keeping Pepper safe, made him go with the bodyguard cover, and flimsy as he thought it was, no one questioned it.

Of course, why would they? Tony Stark was no superhero.

—

Although, it’s less easy to keep a secret identity with a bunch of superheroes and spies living in your house.

Journey To The Past by melonbutterfly

★ ★ ★ ★

Words: 67,329

Pairing: Loki/Tony Stark

Completed: Yes

Loki doesn’t know why he feels the urge to go to Midgard, but it’s strong enough that he, when a stranger offers him free passage in exchange for his pretending to be lost Prince Loki of Asgard, doesn’t hesitate for long.He really has no idea how much his life is going to change.

A Friend for A Week by LokasennaHiddleston

★ ★ ★ ★

Words: 159,969

Pairing: Loki/Tony Stark

Completed: No

A week before Thor’s coronation, a drunk and depressed Loki decides he wants a genuine friend of his own. Of course, he turns to magic to solve his dilemma.There are only two problems. First, he is very aware that his current form isn’t very lovable or trustworthy. Second, he actually needs a person to befriend.This is how Loki ends up in Tony Stark’s living room, minutes after his disastrous birthday party, and in the shape of a cat. What will our favorite genius-billionaire-playboy-philanthropist make of the mysteriously appearing feline, and how will it all affect their lives, and those of the people around them?

Case 623 by DannieU

★ ★ ★ ★

Words: 146,441

Pairing: James “Bucky” Barnes/Tony Stark

Completed: No

Tony was pretty sure that the small human left on his doorstep was just a (really fucking frightening) attempt at extortion, and mostly just wanted child protective services to show up yesterday. Then an extended trip to Afghanistan puts life, the universe and everything into perspective, and somehow, miraculously, Tony might be closer to happy than he’s been in his life. He’s even willing to accept the enormous pieces of the puzzle he’s obviously missing. He should’ve learnt long ago that what you don’t know will always come back to bite you in the ass.

Even the Light is an Illusion by Mizzy

★ ★ ★ ★

Words: 102,373

Pairing: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark

Completed: Yes

Death threats are an unfortunate side-effect of being Tony Stark, so he’s learned to ignore them. The problem is, when someone really wants you dead, hiding your head in the sand just kinda exposes your ass.

But it’s not just Tony’s behind on the line. Whoever wants him dead wants him to suffer first, and they’re willing to do anything to make that happen. Tony knows there’s only one way out. To save Steve, the Avengers, and the general public, Tony has to die. Of course, death isn’t always the end, and Tony does what any other self-disrespecting scientist would do: he finds a way to fake his death and avenge his own murder.

The trouble is, terrible decisions usually have a terrible price, and this one is no different. Tony has a chance to save the day, but the cost may be more than Tony was ever expecting to pay…

Forged With Blood, Forged With Fire by agentsimmons

★ ★ ★

Words: 91,279

Pairing: Bruce Banner/Tony Stark

Completed: Yes

When Bruce looks over Tony’s blood work he notices an anomaly that sets them both on a search for answers and shows them just how much they mean to one another in the process. But when the truth finally becomes clear, it’s only the start of more obstacles and changes to come as they each find themselves facing new enemies and old.

And When It Does I’m Already Gone by qwanderer and roseapprentice

★ ★ ★

Words: 75,111

Pairing: Loki/Tony Stark

Completed: Yes

Eighteen years ago, Tony fell in love with a mysterious woman, all green eyes and wit. Now he’s given up all hope of finding her again, but with curiosity and a well-placed spider, fate has different ideas.

Loki lies and loves and loses and leaves things unfinished. But the people who love Loki back aren’t about to let the past go so easily. And Tony and Peter can dig up their share of secrets when they put their heads together. Biological Smartass Family.

#fic rec list #fanfic #marvel #avengers #pepper potts #tony stark

[noscorpsaladerive]

@mordredoforkney asked me to talk about how i would rewrite lra but tumblr’s being stupid so i gotta repost it and not under a cut bc i can’t get the page to open on my blog :P

anyways i’ve waited y e a r s for this question i’ve had this typed up since 2015 and s/o to @europeansdomusicalsbetter for her thoughts and input

long story short i take out the rape scene and make it so all of the recorded songs fit into the show but this is super long so it’s going under the cut

Introduction to Merlin and his deal with the Dragon.  Scene with knights attempting to pull out Excalibur.  Méléagant tries and fails.  After misplacing his brother’s sword, Arthur is successful in removing the sword from the stone.  Méléagant gets angry and accuses Merlin of seeking power for himself. Advienne que pourra Gawain trains Arthur in sword fighting while they’re on their way to Camelot.  Julien/Homme du peuple shows up and is like “Dude Méléagant’s super pissed that you stole the throne from him so now he’s holding my liege hostage.  Come help please?”  Arthur agrees. Arthur and Méléagant face each other in battle.  Arthur wins but is badly injured in the process.  He asks Méléagant to knight him, and Méléagant reluctantly agrees.  The daughter of the lord arrives, and Méléagant reminds her that although he will no longer be king, he will still marry her.  He also hints at getting revenge before leaving with his henchmen.  Guinevere’s like yeah whatever this guy’s hot let’s get him healed.  Her handmaidens (who aren’t pregnant in my version because wtf was that dove) help the king’s knights bring him inside. Rêver l’impossible Arthur and Guinevere introduce themselves to each other.  Maybe also mention how much time has passed just because it’ll make more sense than being magically healed by pregnant handmaidens.  Merlin shows up and is like “Arthur I know you just got injured and that you think you’re in love, but we gotta go defeat the Saxons.”  Guinevere’s like “Mais le roi est fatigué ; il a besoin de repos” and Flo does that sassy wave that he did one time because he should do that forever and always. Quelque chose de magique Merlin returns and says, “Stop the party I’ve got to reintroduce Julien/Homme du peuple.”  Flo Arthur stops noodling long enough to listen to Julien rock out. Délivre-nous Arthur says something inspiring about how he must help his people before he can get laid or some shit.  He tells Guinevere that he must depart but that he will send for her once he has defeated the Saxons. Je me relève The Saxons have been defeated in what will probably result in another dramatic dance number.  Merlin and Gawain bring Arthur back to Camelot and the court.  Or maybe instead of starting this scene with them, it could start with Kay at Camelot, and he receives word that the new king will be arriving soon.  Then Urien could talk to Morgane (thus establishing contact way before “Il est temps”), and her dead parents are mentioned so she can sing.  Maybe something is mentioned about the round table too? Ce que la vie a fait de moi Merlin and Gawain arrive in court with Arthur in tow.  They have some fancy arrival scene where Arthur is introduced as the son of Uther Pendragon. Morgane has a startled yet confused reaction at first.  Arthur makes an announcement that he is to be married and that they must send for Guinevere at once.  If not mentioned earlier, the round table should be mentioned here.  As Arthur and company leave the stage, the setting changes to Morgane’s chambers that evening where she dreams of her mother. Dors Morgane dors (the version on the CD not the stage version) Morgane wakes from her trance in a rage.  She swears vengeance on not only Arthur but Merlin as well for the role that he played in her mother’s rape. Tu vas le payer Kay once again announces the arrival of the future queen of Camelot, and nothing is changed about this scene because it is Emily’s aesthetic and it is perfect. Au diable After Guinevere is settled in court (aka after she sits down on the throne), a mysterious group of players arrive to entertain the king.  Knowing that Arthur would never take her seriously if he knew who told the story, Morgane arrives in disguise. A l’enfant After Morgane reveals herself, Arthur is furious.  Upset at how he reacted and because she accidentally played a role in confronting her future husband, Guinevere rushes off stage (so she can get changed into her next costume).  Merlin and Arthur share a moment where Merlin does some dramatic foreshadowing about how that probably wasn’t a good idea and Arthur’s like “I don’t give a fuck.”   Transition into Guinevere’s garden.  Kay tries to cheer up the future queen with his silly antics, and her handmaidens quickly catch on and join in.  However, nothing really cheers her up until an unknown man shows up in her garden with his sassy squad of backup dancers.  The young man demands to see the king so he can become a knight.  After learning that he must be introduced, he asks Guinevere to do so.  They have several moments of cuteness yet also sadness since you know she’s kind of engaged to another, and she eventually agrees to introduce him.  She bids him farewell and sweeps offstage in her fabulous dress.  Lancelot is so excited that he’s going to be a knight and that he met the most beautiful lady in the world that he has to sing about it because it’s a freaking musical.  Tamara/Leia is probably hanging around so she can report to Morgane. Le monde est parfait Literally the exact same scene that’s currently in the show.  Even down to the “Donnez-moi une mission; je préfère mourir.”  “Restez en vie, c’est un ordre!”   Si je te promets

INTERMISSION

Tant de haine During the song, Morgane and Tamara arrive.  Distrusting her at first, Méléagant decides to trust her after learning of the wrongs that Merlin and Arthur have committed against her.  They decide to form an alliance.  Morgane mentions that she can put a spell on Méléagant that will make him powerful enough to defeat Arthur and take his rightful place on the throne.  She also announces her plan to destroy Arthur by using Guinevere and Lancelot’s love, and Morgane goes on to explain that by destroying Arthur, they will destroy Merlin as well. Transition to Camelot where Kay announces that the royal couple is about to be married.  Arthur and Guinevere are married while Lancelot sings. L’amour quel idiot Arthur pulls Merlin aside to have a father/son moment.  Arthur is still angsty over Morgane’s accusations, and he wonders what he should do now that the Saxons are defeated. Qui suis-je ? Merlin reiterates that Arthur should go after the Grail and maybe mentions something about how Arthur is not responsible for the mistakes of his father (this is some J’accuse mon père stuff right here).  Arthur agrees to seek out the Grail in a reprise that currently (unfortunately) does not exist. Je me relève (reprise) Transition to Méléagant’s castle.  Méléagant wants to know why Morgane’s plan is taking so long.  She tells him that the spell is ready, then they go into the “Je le jure” bit before breaking into song.  During the instrumental break in the middle, there’s some cool witchcraft happening.  This is when Morgane takes Méléagant’s soul. A nos vœux sacrés These next few songs will literally happen exactly like they currently do in the show.  Except Méléagant just falls asleep in his shadows’ arms instead of dying.  He lives, he sleeps, he lives again. (sorry samuel this is something we’d joke and say about méléagant since the skull makeup makes him look like a warboy from mad max fury road XD) Faire comme si Wake Up Nos corps à la dérive Il est temps Mon combat -- this now serves more as foreshadowing of a future confrontation instead of the confrontation itself (hopefully anyways) Le Chant du dragon Auprès d’un autre After Guinevere and Lancelot have left, Arthur’s gaze falls upon Morgane, and he orders his knights to arrest her.  He tells her that he figured out her plan, but that it won’t work.  He’s hurt, but he has forgiven Guinevere and Lancelot and will continue to rule.  Arthur orders his knights to step away from Morgane, and he tells her that he forgives her too and that she is free to leave if she chooses.  Morgane is in disbelief; how can he forgive her after all the pain she just put him through?  She tells Arthur no.  She will stay in Camelot and help him become the greatest king of all time. Un Nouveau Départ - sung by Morgane, change the line about vengeance.  Maybe other cast members join in during the later verses/refrains? Promis c’est juré - curtain call song plus one more jam for the road (maybe mon combat instead of quelque chose de magique)

obvs there are still a couple of kinks to work out but @ dove pls hire me to rewrite your musical

#ella writes text #mordredoforkney #long post #thank you for asking me about this i've missed talking about this

[officialleehadan]

Masterlist 09/02/2018

Hello Darlings, here is the updated masterlist as of 09/01/18

If you want to blacklist these posts, which will update every other week or so, the tag is Lee Hadan Masterlist

All the stories here are arranged by series, and the stories are arranged chronologically within their series. If there’s only one story in a series, I already have continuations written (or planned) and more will be coming soon!

EDIT: There seems to be some technical stuff going on, on Tumblr’s end, because the links here are not posting up on the Desktop version of Tumblr. I’ve already submitted a report about it, but if you’re having trouble seeing links on this post, that would be why.

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Goblin Armor

There has never been much in way of peace between the Faerie Realm, and  the Shadow Wold of the Goblins. Generations of hostility and mistrust  will do that. Still, for two generations, the border has been quiet, and the fearsom Goblins hidden away deep in their dark forest. Until now.  With the Goblins on the march, and Princess Snowbell’s king-father  flying to meet them, it is all Snow can do to keep her family, and her  Realm, from falling to treason, and murder. 

Return Again

I thought my father was normal. The kind of dad who deals with work, and homework, and the troubles that come with being a single father to a   seventeen-year-old girl. I didn’t know he went to a different world when he was a teenager. I didn’t know he was the Chosen One of a magic   sword. I didn’t know he saved a whole kingdom, maybe their world, before he was twenty. That was thirty years ago. Now they need him back, and   I’m going with him.

The Idol of Astre: ($2 a month on Patreon)

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

The Unsettled:

Handful of Salt

Critter Jar

Appropriate use of Craft Glitter

Unafraid

The Ghosts of Pinewood Estate (Patreon-Only!)

This Old House:

Experienced Home-Buying

Living Negotiation (Patreon-Only!)

White Roses and Deck Railings 

Twins Together:

Brothers Apart

Sanctuary Always

Twins in Crime

Twinning Disagreements

Bond of Brothers

One Mind, Two Heads (Patreon Only!)

Deities and Demigods:

Boredom

Inconvenienced

Luck’s Chosen

Golden Apples

Brewer’s Glass (Patreon-Only!)

Apocalypse:

Come Again Another Day

Invasion from Below

War-Beasts

Four Horses

Four Horsemen

Horsemen Four

Mercy Mercy Mercy

To Save a Bird

Together Time (Patreon-Only!)

Breaking Waves:

After the Storm

Winter Wind

Storm At Sea

Uncollected Faeries:

Faerie Ring

Glitter Poo

Skitter

Wine-Dark

The End of Indian Summer

Purple Handed

At the Sign of the Silver Rose:

Cold Iron Buckshot

Troll Market

Selkie Skin:

Seal Coat

Over the Sea (Patreon-Only!)

Uncollected Dragons:

Exploration by Wing

Iced White Wine

Mine to Hoard

Hoard of Memories

Uncollected Witches:

Best Served Cold

Casual Friday

Exotic Components

One Eye on the Other Side

Spelled Cooking

Thyme can Heal

The Lightning Witch:

Static Charge

First Strike

Black Lightning on the Horizon

Storm Breaking

Copper Pipes

Crash Down

Husband to the Queen

When the Wolf Star Rises

Treebrothers:

Snow Elf

Wild Roses and Birdsong

Bare-Handed

Spider-Eating Elves:

Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder

Introductory Trouble

Lady of Grace

Lady of Stone, and her Girlfriend

Lady Retrieved

Monsters on the Wing

Spiderwebs and Cookies

Royal Match

Lines in the Sand

Worldbuilding Essays:

Blood Magic

Elf Forest

Green Magic

Forge Magic

Thread Magic

Dragons

Light and Dark Magic

13 Moons

Frost Moon

Blue Moon

Jasmine Moon

HGE - Human/Alien Relations

Get That OUT of Your Mouth

Medical Attention

Claws

Ingenuity

War and Peace

Echo-Folk

HGE - Invasions

Invasion Denied

Blood Will Tell (What Waits in the Dark)

No Moon

HGE - The Others

Through Shattered Glass

Sea and Sky

HGE - Mismatched

Death Valley Sand

HGE - Conflagration

Fire District

HGE - Smoke before Fire

The Legend, The Rumor

Deep Water and Scales

Black Scales and Open Spaces

Screams in the Dark

Warning Lights

Into the Wild

Nobility and Flames

Packmates

HGE - The Maw

Back Room Handshakes

New Understandings

Poker Face

Brassy Secrets

HGE - Learn to Fly, Learn to Breathe:

Red Sun

Red Baron

Red Prince

Red Sky

Stone and Intuition:

Pack Hunters

Attack Droids

Dragon Bones

Dream of a Desk Job

BulbasaurBot

Explosive Foolishness

Inferno Grenades

Married Life

The Hand of Bone:

Death’s Kiss

Death’s Glow

Supers Beyond

Card Shark

Heroic Rescue

Housekeeping Before Villainy

Jet Fuel

Lobster Bisque

Opposing Elements:

Cold Front

Elemental

Reality at Will

Altering Reality

Reality Bent

The Pen is Mightier

Will of Fire

Chinese Pepper

Firepower

A Moment’s Peace

Burnout

Doctor Rimeheart (Supervillain Coffee Shop)

Handicapped

Power Rests in the Eye

Nuclear Option

Incidental Villain

Second in Command

Cut a Deal

First Summon

Even Supervillains run from Fangirls

The Blackest Coffee

Deal with the Devil

Opportunity for Advancement

Fear and Coffeegrounds

Personal Space

Broken Countertops

Christmas Cookies

Revealed

Wannabe Wannabes

Home Life

Shadows Unleashed

Old Villains (Patreon-Only!)

Higher Being Housemates

Bright Red Panties

Black and White Feathers

Demonic Comfort

Demonic Intervention

Unwanted Attention

Magpie Wings

Don’t Fall

Sparklers and Demon Smiles

Holy Words

Uncollected Demons:

Accidental Oops

Bloody Mirror

Brimstone Portal

Burn My Body and Bury Me Deep

Holy Protestation

On Repeat

The Gunsmith

The Wrong Victim

Over the Edge

Sinners

Seven Sins

House of Demons

A Deal Once Made:

You Scratch my Back

Contract Lawyer:

Blue Frosting

Fine Print

Uncollected:

Awaken History

Command.Awaken

Isle of Monsters

One Punch Man

Stonebreaker Caldera

Hot Potato, Hot Potato

Vigilante Vampire  

Crawlspace

Blood on the Walls

Between Us Girls:

Surprises Abroad

Uncollected Fantasy:

Below the Fog

Glitter Bold

God-Touched Tide

Into the Darkness

Turn Me

Wolf Moon

Blood Moon

Hallowed Halls Memorial

A Kiss to Heal a Broken Heart

Cursebroken

Nothing but Trouble

Build a House of Paper

Unspoken Words

Imagine Reality (Patreon-Only)

The Mistlands:

Foolhardy Errand

Letters Sent

Desert Glass:

Spellborn Lost

Smoked Glass

Books and Shared Experiences

Burned and Blasted

The Rise to Power:

Behind Closed Doors

Two Minds as One

Political Assassination

Gates Torn Down

Heaven’s Gates

Counter-Code:

Code for Magic

99 Shiny New Bugs

Blood Magic:

Blood Fire

At the Last Moment

Healing Touch                                                                                            

Unbound, Unbroken

Student Discovered

Claimed as Ours

Never Free:

Round and Round Again

Mistaken Step

Spinning Wheel

Stronger Together

Tea and History

Girl Talk

Golden Scales:

Tigerfish

Riverside

Blood and Passion:

White Marble

First Negotiation

Blood Summit

Blood Claim

CovenHold

Wolf Club

Blood-Traitor

Slow Burn:

About-Face

Dancing Lessons

Guiding Stars:

Procyon Moon

Altair Chariot

Vega Dignity

Secondhand Souls:

Partnership of Flames

+++

#Lee Hadan Masterlist

[ziamfanfiction]

this week’s ziam ao3 feed

hey guys, this week we had some great works, remember to leave kudos and a comment to make a writers day!

fics posted/updated from April 23rd to the 30th 

A Growing Dysfunctional Family by the_less_i_know (wip)

I don't really know how to summarize this... but at its most basic the story is set in a world where humans and supernatural beings exist, except that humans of course are unaware of the supernatural world. It's a messy story where Liam and Zayn fall in love, but it's not solely focused on their relationship. This means that if you're just expecting to read about ziam only, then this story probably isn't for you. This story is not just about romantic love, but about friendship and family love too. It starts out with Normani, Zayn, and Louis, who kind of set the tone of the story and it all develops from there. Dinah is 27, Louis is 26, Zayn is 25, and Normani is 20. Liam and Niall are 23. Ally, Harry, and Lauren don't have any concrete ages so yeah.

Shawcross Park by Niler (wip)

Liam isn't a singer, a dancer or even a builder.

Zayn is one of the above.

Deep Enough to Drown by LetTheMusicMoveYou (wip)

Liam can’t help but wonder if this is a beginning or an end? Technically it’s the end of Double L Technologies and Malik Industries being on opposing sides of this game, whatever the hell it is. But he’s still not really sure how that leaves him and Zayn specifically. Are they beginning or ending? Did they ever stop?

(Or the one where Liam and Zayn are still former friends turned lovers turned enemies with rival technology companies. Except now they find themselves on the same side fighting a common enemy, but things are still complicated).

Title from Feel It by Jacquees ft. Lloyd & Rich Homie Quan

Part 2 of Stretching You Out Like You Are Elastic

What About Us? by iwasnthere (wip)

Liam shakes his head. “I was getting on fine without you!”

“And you think I was wallowing in misery without you? I didn’t even think about you anymore!” Zayn steps into Liam’s space. “Two years without you, I turned out fine.”

“Yeah?” Liam challenges. “Then why are you here?”

Zayn stares at him. “I’m asking myself the same thing. I’m sure you are too.”

Diet Soda Society by SpookyFaces (wip)

Zayn is a villain with daddy issues. Liam is a superhero with a fragile heart.

The thing is - they are roommates. Liam would never think Zayn is his enemy, and Zayn wouldn't even guess anything about Liam being a hero at nights. They keep making excuses to each other about why they are out all the time when something happens and lying about why their bodies are covered in scratches in bruises.

Oh, and they are in love. But this is just another secret they try to hide from each other.

sHe [Ziam] by happydaysbus1 (wip)

no summary

Demons by PubuMalik_love_ZaynMalik_FOREVER (wip)

“I’m not available.” Zayn blurted out. “You’re married?” “No.” “Engaged?” “No.” “Living with someone?” Zayn shook head. Liam was quite for a seconds, staring at Zayn as if Zayn was a puzzle that he wanted to solve. “I’ll see you later,” he said eventually. “And in the meantime… I’m going to figure out how to get a ‘yes’ out of you.” Or Zayn is a wedding planner who's coordinating his first biggest wedding with his sister Sophia as he happened to meet handsome rich Liam payne on the wedding day.

The Truth Will Set You Free by ziamruinedmylife

Zayn wakes up the next day to the news that Liam has taken on the case of the kid, to oppose Zayn and prove that he isn’t a killer.

To say he’s pissed beyond belief goes without saying, but somehow he thinks that he should’ve seen this coming.

Or

A Lawyer AU in which I accidentally made Ziam detectives as well and they solve crimes and figure out their feelings.

Two Point 0 by watyonameisgurl (wip)

“Because healing is messy and ugly and slow and doesn’t just happen in a progressive line. Sometimes...sometimes it’s gonna feel like you’re going backwards or sideways or every direction but forward, and you might not ever feel the same as you were, you might always be different from the person you used to be, but sometimes that’s okay...”

Zayn looks out at the sea of faces staring back at him, fights down the anxiety still threatening to overwhelm him even though he’s almost through now. He’d known this wouldn’t be easy, but there’s so many of them, looking to him. And seeing all of them here, now, in front him—even if it still isn’t all of them—is a bit overwhelming. As he looks around though he catches sight of Liam in the sea of faces, smiling proudly, and that’s all it takes. He can already feel himself relaxing, powering through the last of what he wants and needs to say. Counting down the moments until he’s back by Liam’s side again, safe and sound and that’s what gets him through.

[Or: Zayn keeps healing, Liam does too. But it’s not easy when there are so many forces still so determined not to let them. And fighting them alone is one thing. But the problem is it’s not just Zayn's fight anymore.]

Part 2 of Twelve Verse

Attention Please by LonelyAquarian (wip)

Zayn replaces Liam as the center of attention.

The King Of Queens by LHSHIP (wip)

Zayn was just like every other fangirl, except he was a boy. To be exact, the only boy in a girls’ only world, the Liam Payne fandom. His internet friends - all girls of course - thought he should be referred to as "The King Of Queens" apparently being the only boy who openly drooled over singer Liam Payne. And he liked it, not only because it was his dad’s favorite TV show but also because he'd always called all of his girls “queens” to make them feel special.

So yes, he was one of those totally obsessed fans who basically spent all of their time on Twitter because of a super famous and successful celebrity who didn’t even know about their existence. And sometimes Zayn had to deal with his real life and real problems such as the upcoming class reunion and a missing date.

And maybe he was a just a tiny little bit of in love with Liam Payne...

these battle scars don't look like they're fading by angelica_barnes

zayn and liam are in love and so are louis and harry but there's so much sadness and hands touching them and when they go to bed at night they never want to wake up again but zayn makes them and they survive but it's not living.

it's okay not to be okay by angelica_barnes

zayn's mom tells him things and he doesn't know why and she's so mean to him but then again he's never had any friends before so how could he know the meaning between mean and normal well he doesn't and so he listens.

until liam and louis and harry and niall come along and liam is so kind and they fall so in love and everything turns out okay even though zayn still isn't.

without a care, i was out of touch (you stress me out, you kill me) by angelica_barnes

esme listens to her best friend faith spill all these rumors and is shocked to watch them all turn out to be true.

zayn and liam fall in love and then over again and she watches while she falls in love herself.

Encouraging Murder by DexterMcShipper (wip)

Liam is a pretty fantastic attorney, maybe impossible to work with, a workaholic, maybe borderline depressed and lonely, but brilliant nevertheless. When a fresh-out-of-law-school attorney comes in and proves that maybe Liam isn't impossible to work with? Maybe falling in love along the way? Who knows?

All the different kinds of flowers by Androgyne, ZoeRavenclaw28 (wip)

When Liam, the future Tsars right-hand man, meets Zayn, the son of an Emir, his world turns upside-down.

A story about late-night chess games, scents, herbs, and so so many flowers.

Part 2 of All The Different Kinds Of Flowers

i'll be the one if you want me to by angelica_barnes (MCD)

ring around the rosy a pocket full of posies ashes, ashes

we all fall

down.

you weren't there when i was scared by angelica_barnes

years after their careers come to a close, one direction and their family give some revealing interviews.

let's just say modest is going down the drain after this.

I’m looking down on you smiling, and I didn’t feel a thing so, baby, don’t feel no pain, just smile back by angelica_barnes

Zayn is never home, really. And his daughter misses him, his family misses him. His husband misses him.

And Zayn's still completely in love with his husband, even if they don't get to see much of each other anymore.

But is Liam still in love with him?

In The Locker Room by LiftMeUpLarry

Zayn Malik as the water boy on the football team.

Liam Payne captain of the football team.

Liam is horny.

Zayn is ready to leave and lock up the locker room but not until everyone leaves.

Baby You Can Drive My Car (Probably) by louandhazza12 (wip)

Fuck it, he thought. He opened Facebook and made a terrible late-night decision. Hitting ‘post’, he wasn’t even filled with regret - that would come in the morning.

"Wanted: a companion for a road trip to Edinburgh. Lively conversation is neither required nor encouraged. Will be stopping semi-frequently for snack breaks. Companion will have control of the music for 50% of the journey, also required to drive for 50%. Please express interest via private message."

_________________________

Zayn asks Facebook for a road trip buddy and Liam comes a-knocking.

tonight, you go by angelica_barnes

zayn and liam fall in love. and they're perfect for each other, and they're happy, but all couples fight.

and not all couples give up, but they do.

Part 1 of has it ever been just you and me?

cause we both know how this ends by angelica_barnes

zayn and liam say they're done with each other. they find nice girls, who are kind and sweet and beautiful, but they aren't who the boys need them to be.

but if these two boys were anything, it's stubborn.

Part 2 of has it ever been just you and me?

-less by angelica_barnes

zayn doesn't know how to think. all he knows is he loves liam and he wants to die.

he doesn't know what he's supposed to choose.

maybe he shouldn't.

Beyond Words by StoryAnonGuy33 (wip)

"Some things are beyond words" Liam added lightly, Zayn laying back down on Liam's chest. "They are, aren't they?" He commented back, Liam smiling and kissing the top of his head. "You bet babe"

Or when Liam and Zayn attend the same college and with budding and cemented feelings between the two, will things turn out the way they want?

Paradise Island : Creation by Steel_Magnolia14

Liam and Zayn are vampires that decide that have always wanted adult babies. Now after thousands of years of existing and accumulating wealth they purchase the top notch technology and the perfect Island big enough to start their community so that other vampires, witches, werewolves and other supernatural creatures can enjoy the same thing. At the same time they find three perfect humans boys that they wish to turn into their babies.

Part 1 of Paradise Island Series

Within You Without You by PersephoneJones (wip)

Liam started to swipe up to unlock his phone, and then paused, thumb hovering over the screen. He’d been angry at Zayn for a very long time. Probably still was, to be honest. It wasn’t even about him leaving the band. It was that Zayn hadn’t just walked away from his job. He’d walked away from their friendship. Five years of togetherness and camaraderie, and what Liam (and just about everyone else) had thought was a special bond.

Or, the one where Zayn dipped out, sank the Ziam ship, and didn't even bother to call. Can Liam forgive him? Does he want to? And just why have the two of them always been so cuddly with each other, anyway?

#lau speaks #ziam #ziam fanfiction #weekly ao3 feed

[ptsfreed]

Starting over

TW: mental abuse, physical abuse, narcissistic abuse, gaslighting

For years, I’ve kept a journal or blog.  I started when I was 5 when my mom bought me my first journal (it even had a lock and key).  As I got older, I transitioned to blogs.  I tried them all, Xanga, Tumblr, Blogspot.  Writing has always been cathartic for me, a way to process and heal.  I had gradually fallen out of the habit but I know that it’s time to start up again.  Last week, I actually made a booming return to paper/pencil journaling, but let’s get real--my hand hurts.  Typing is just so much faster.  Blogging it is.

I suppose I should start out with outlining my goals for what I’m planning to achieve with my return to writing.  I want to give myself the opportunity to slow down, process my emotions and experiences, and heal.  I like having the ability to have something physical to look back on, sort of like a barometer for intangible growth.  It’s hard to measure social-emotional learning otherwise.  

Here’s what I’m currently dealing with.  I’m 31, married, with two children.  I’m a full-time work-from-home-parent.  I am a moderate/severe special ed teacher for a virtual charter school.  My husband also works from home full-time in the entertainment industry, so it’s just us versus the kids all day.  My little ones are 3 and the other is just shy of one.  My husband and I became first-time homeowners right in the midst of the pandemic.  Then he was laid off.  For seven months.  We’re both educated with experience in our field.  Overnight, we went from a six-figure household to becoming eligible for food stamps.  This year, I marveled at how easily a job loss in a two-income household could turn that very same household eligible for welfare.

Depression ran high.  The booze flowed.  My PTSD symptoms went untreated as available therapy appointments became more scarce with the entire world enduring a collective trauma together. I watched my strong husband crumble.  I saw him cry and doubt himself for the first time ever.  I watched as a dark cloud seemed to envelop our household, ridden with fear for the future, uncertainty for the present.  We became expert budgeters.  We ate all the leftovers.  We helped each other to thrive with the most limited social interaction in our lives.  With the welcoming of our son, we compromised our social-distancing for family’s sake, with the promise that everyone in our pod would commit to limiting our social diets to strictly one-another.  It was hard...we love our families, but we dearly missed our friends.  Living two hours away from family in the first place, our local friends quickly became family.  But we adjusted.  Loneliness was preferable to falling ill to Covid--or worse, dying.  

At some point during the pandemic, my mom moved in with us after leaving her abusive 30-year relationship with my father.  Except, she never really left.  She maintained contact with him.  I knew it would be difficult for her.  I expected the separation to be hard, painful, and drawn-out.  What I didn’t expect was how severely living with my mom again after seven years would impact my mental health.  I could feel my anxiety levels rising.  My resentment steadily followed.  I didn’t want things to feel this way.  I was battling toddlerhood with a strong-willed, fiery, emotional kid with a penchant for hitting and also adjusting to life as a full-time working mom of two.  I felt the emotional toll of being there for everyone, compassion fatigue, though I hated to say it.  I felt like as a doting mother, good wife, caring teacher, and compassionate daughter I needed to do it.  But the toll it was taking on my body and mental health was unmistakable.  I cried, sometimes for no reason at all.  I snapped, I felt angry at small things.  My house looked like a tornado ran through it at all times.  Finding motivation to do things was like pulling teeth.  I gained weight, I hit the bottle almost nightly, though I typically limited myself to two drinks.  I told myself I deserved it.  Lots of people share a bottle every night with their significant other.  It’s not like it was impacting my ability to perform my job or care for my children.  Deep down, I still didn’t like it.  It felt like the only way to escape from the hell of quarantine and being broke.  I just wanted to see people.  Spend without immediately regretting it.  Yet here we were.

The year has been a challenge.  Ridden with strong toddler emotions and learning to navigate parenthood while actively trying to break the cycle of spanking and yelling to discipline.  I don’t always succeed and I hate myself each time I snap.  I run to my daughter, apologize and tell her that I was feeling overwhelmed, but that wasn’t okay.  It’s never okay to spank a bottom or yell because you want compliance.  If I can’t always be the perfect parent, then I can at least be one that is apologetic and not too proud to say sorry.  I want to teach accountability and remorse for one’s own actions.  At the very least, I can instill that.  That’s the silver lining of losing your cool, I guess.  But with these apologies and accepting accountability, it’s important that I also couple these sentiments with change.  It’s important that I do this in all aspects of my life, which is what I hope to achieve with writing.  I need to hold myself accountable and be able to look back at change.  I can do this.  I have done so much.  I have survived the pandemic.  I have created a family.  I have finished a bachelor’s and a master’s degree with little financial support.  I have paid my way out of debts.  I can do this.

1.  First and foremost, the reason I started writing again in the first place, I am done with binge drinking.  I feel pangs of doubt as I write this, afraid of my own capacity for caving to cravings and peer pressure.  As I experience those pangs, I can hear a silent voice in the back of my head telling me to push forward and cast that doubt aside.  I know I can do this.  Enough is enough.  My relationship with alcohol has never been healthy.  I began my drinking career in college surrounded by friends that made me feel home.  Drinking was fun, cool, part of the experience.  Pre-gaming was encourage and expected.  If pre-gaming meant you got drunk before the party, then the goal of the party was to get even more smashed.  I carried these habits into adulthood and still carry them with me today.  My last binge was Sunday and I’m not going to torment myself by recanting how bad it was yet again.  My goal isn’t to stop drinking entirely, just to have a healthier relationship with alcohol altogether.  Binging isn’t healthy.  The person I become when I drink isn’t healthy.  I can control this.  I can do this.

2.  I want to continue my journey into healthier eating and fitness habits.  As of today, this is the longest time I’ve ever seriously stuck with a weight loss goal.  I’ve lost 6 pounds since I began with mostly just-dieting.  The fitness part has been difficult to make time for, but I’m working on it.  I know that this goal is closely tied to goal #1.  If I can get in control of my diet, I can get in control of my drinking.  I am in charge.  I can take ownership of my health.  I can do this.

3.  I want to continue learning about my PTSD, my symptoms and how they have and continue to impact my life.  I want to continue learning about establishing healthy boundaries with people I love, my mom included, unfortunately.  I want to continue learning about narcissistic abuse, substance abuse, and how these factors have contributed to who I am as well as my entire family dynamic.  Growing up hispanic, it has been incredibly difficult to establish boundaries without being labeled as “too good”, “hateful” and “too angry”.  I have been told countless times by my own mother that I’m too angry and upset at my father who physically and mentally abused me and my entire family for as long as I can remember.  My dad has cheated on my mom and rejected me for over two decades.  I am sick and tired of being told to forgive my abuser because my boundaries make others feel uncomfortable.  What has been especially hard after actively working on myself for 3+ years is having my own family tell me that perhaps therapy isn’t suiting me because it’s made me “too angry” and that I’ve “lost my lust for life”.  They want to assume that my general sense of frustration is attributed to not talking to my dad, when in reality, freeing myself from that relationship has afforded me more peace than I ever could have fathomed.  Sure, there are difficult moments, but every time I think that maybe that relationship may be worth pursuing again, I am reminded of why I have established such rock-solid boundaries in the first place.  According to others though, this makes me too hateful.  Too angry.  “You’ve punished him enough”, they say.  As if this was ever about punishment and not about protecting myself and my children from narcissistic abuse in the first place.  They say this and accuse this anger of pouring into other aspects of my life, without ever once asking what’s really going on inside.  Not once has anybody asked how parenthood is going.  How I’m coping with the pandemic and the renewed sense of cautious freedom now that I am fully vaccinated and my husband is halfway vaccinated.  Not once has anybody thought to consider that maybe I’m not super woman, that I’m just human and that I too have moments of vulnerability that I irresponsibly cope with by binge drinking.  Instead, everybody says that the best course of action is to essentially “get over” my resentment and symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder brought on by the decades-long abuse I suffered at the hands of my own father.  The same hands that banged my head against a wall, beat me within an inch of my life, and then sent me to work at a cosmetics counter without a stitch of makeup and completely battered and bruised.  According to the armchair therapists in my life, it’s my job to let go of these feelings and now trust this same meth-addicted man with my children.  I need to trust in his capacity for change and honesty after 20+ years of lying and gaslighting.  I don’t want my boundaries to cost me the most important relationships in my life.  But at this point, I can’t do it anymore.  I am exhausted with explaining myself, for demanding respect and begging to have my story heard and considered.  My mom will continue to choose my dad over me.  She feels compelled to be his friend and the peacekeeper, still, even after attending therapy and working on herself.  I know that my dad is at the center of this, stirring the pot and causing a rift in my relationship with my mother because having me out of the picture will bring the two of them closer.  “See, she turned her back on you too”, I can hear him saying.  This is the loneliest I have ever felt in my life.  I have been told that by my parents my entire life that I am essentially dispensable.  “I don’t fucking need you”, my dad would say.  My mom would “intervene” by asking me what I did to make him so upset, and perhaps I should just “find somewhere else to live” if this was how I was going to act.  I hate feeling this way.  It hasn’t gotten easier as a 31 year old woman, but I can say that I am now able to see the situation much more objectively and with clarity.  This is why it’s important to keep attending therapy, working on my drinking, practicing mindfulness, and living my life with intention.  Wellness really does come full circle.  I can do this.  I can do this.  I can do this.

[onceuponaprincessworld]

CaptainSwan WIP Fanfiction RECS

Hello Beautiful Fandom, thanks to CSBB and to the talended writers of our fandom we have some amazing new stories to read. So, I present to you a list of some great work in progress fanfictions that I am currently reading, including CSBB stories but not limited to them. Tell me what you think.  Hope you enjoy!

In case you are intrested here is my previous lists. 

Echoing Souls, @like-waves-on-the-beach

Young Professor Swan leads a quiet but hectic life as the newest member of the Anthropology Department at University of Maine at Storybrooke, as well as being head curator for the University’s brand new museum. Killian Jones is a hardened detective who forms one half of the best homicide team in the small city of Storybrooke. When tragedy strikes, Emma and Killian find themselves thrust together, each feeling an inexplicable and frustrating attraction to the other. As the young couple works to find answers to the mystery that will take them on a journey together, they will also explore their undeniable chemistry and connection. Sometimes the universe has plans wherein the past, present, and future converge to assure that destiny is reached in every life.

Nuuk, @wellhellotragic

When a chance encounter with a blue-eyed mystery man on an ill-fated flight turns Emma Nolan’s life upside down, she has a choice to make: Continue with her arranged marriage to Senator Gold's son to save her parent's company, or turn her back on everything she's ever worked towards for a chance at happiness.

Tripping Over the Blue Line, @welllpthisishappening

It's a transition. That's what Emma's calling it. She's transitioning from one team to another, from one coast to another and she's definitely not worried. Nope. She's fine. Really. She's promised Mary Margaret ten times already. So she got fired. Whatever. She's fine, ready to settle into life with the New York Rangers. She's got a job to do. And she doesn't care about Killian Jones, captain of the New York Rangers. At all.

He's done. One more season and he's a free agent and he's out. It's win or nothing for Killian. He's going to win a Stanley Cup and then he's going to stop being the face of the franchise and he's going to go play for some other garbage team where his name won't be used as puns in New York Post headlines. That's the plan. And Emma Swan, director of New York Rangers community relations isn't going to change that. At all.

They are both horrible liars.

MissMatched.com, @lenfaz

In a world where every dating site swears by their algorithms and databases to find the most accurate match with a high percentage of compatibility, a new site is giving them all a run for their money. Missmatched.com promises no data or algorithm, just a few people that *know* how to find your best match based on their instincts and their vibes. Emma Swan is hired to investigate if there's a fraud involved with the site’s claim of not using any type of statistics. That path leads her right into the hands of Missmatched.com founder, Killian Jones, who promises her that he'll prove he's worth his salt by finding Emma her perfect match without any data or algorithms involved.

Harder than Easy, highest_water

Emma Swan meets Killian Jones when she finds herself hiding with him in the bushes from an overzealous admirer. Turns out he works with David. Turns out he can read her pretty damn well. Turns out Emma Swan has no idea what she’s letting herself in for. CS AU

When The Tide Turns, @trueloveseyeroll

The plan was to go to England, finish the case and head back home in a matter of days. Of course, nothing in Emma’s life ever goes according to plan. Not only does she end up travelling across Europe, looking for a Liam Jones in order to finish her case, she ends up travelling with Liam’s brother - an annoyingly handsome Killian Jones. And she doesn’t trust him one bit.

I'll Drop Anchor in Your Heart, @cutieodonoghue

Single father Captain Hook and his daughter are whisked into a new kind of adventure when land calls to them in the form of the Princess of Misthaven and her son Henry.

To Build a Home, @cutieodonoghue

Lifelong orphan and wanderer Emma Swan moves to Storybrooke, Maine in search for a home. Content with a new job as deputy, she meets Killian Jones, director of an orphanage. It doesn't take long for sparks to fly, but will Emma finally be able to settle down and find a home here?

Dark Gray, @cutieodonoghue

Killian operates a lighthouse in the middle of nowhere, preferring a life of isolation, until one day a woman and a baby wash up on his little island and change his life forever.

To Every Thing a Season, @icecubelotr44

After witnessing the tragic murder of his brother Liam, Killian Jones is more determined than ever to discover the secrets of time travel. Fast-tracking his education at Storybrooke University, Killian is assigned a lab assistant, one Emma Swan. Together, they find a way to break through the veil of time so Killian can set things right. But what will be the price for changing the past, and is it one they're willing to pay?

Not In The Game Plan, @onthecyberseas

Emma Nolan moves back home to Tampa and goes back to work for her parents, the owners of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Helping star quarterback Killian Jones lead the Buccaneers to a Super Bowl title proves to be a challenge, especially as their relationship grows on and off the field.

Your Case or Mine, @blowmiakisscolin

Detective Emma Swan is one of Boston Homicide's finest. Killian Jones is head of the FBI team who swoops in to take jurisdiction when multiple homicides sharing similarities with her current case pop up out of state. But they'll have to learn to work together to lure out their killer when they're required to go undercover. As a married couple. CS Cops/Undercover/Fake Marriage AU.

Part of the Narrative, @emmaswanchoosesyou

Emma Swan just wants to write the follow-up to her bestselling debut novel, that’s all. But when she gets off to a rough start with her new editor, Killian Jones, she knows it’s not going according to plan. Then, an unexpected figure from Emma’s past reappears and life begins to mirror the crime thriller she’s penning. Suspicion and secrets abound–but love might too. Writer/editor AU with a thriller twist.

Drowning is Too Late to Learn, @accio-ambition

Bouncing around with her son for the majority of her life, Emma Swan has told herself she's happy in the city. It's where the most camera operating jobs are, and that's how she makes her money. But when an old friend calls her and asks for her help on a new project in small town Maine, Emma finds herself in a place she's never been with people she doesn't know filming a profession she knows nothing about. But with the captain of the ship she's filming begins taking a keen interest in her and her life, she finds herself wondering whether she might just catch something other than fish. Deadliest Catch AU

A Wing and a Prayer, @xhookswenchx

Killian has searched all corners of the realm for centuries looking for the magical object that will end the curse placed on his kingdom. What he finds is a reluctant ally in the form of a fiery Princess Emma. He quickly discovers that Emma has an agenda of her own, and the two strike a deal that they hope will save both their kingdoms.

Wait for the Moonrise, @lifeinahole27

Emma doesn’t remember who she was before she was found in the woods, but she knows that she has a few close friends, a good job, and a loyal cat that greets her every day when she gets home from work. What she doesn’t know, however, is that her past is about to catch up to her in the strangest of ways. She learns quickly that not everything is as it seems, not even her cat.

Walk Beside Me, @beardetective

When Emma Swan's friend group gets a new addition, Emma's not sure what to think about the smooth-talking, dog-loving Killian Jones. Especially when he's funny and nice and determined to spend time with her.

I Thee Wed, @justanotherwannabeclassic

Once upon a time, Princess Emma and Lieutenant Killian Jones stole away into the dark of the night to elope. In the morning light, however, they must face the repercussions of their actions before they can live their "happily ever after." This is where their story begins...

Arrangements, @a-fictional-life

A princess needs a husband, even in a land where suitors are scarce.

If One Only Remembers to Turn on the Light, @this-too-too-sullied-flesh 

Every week, Killian sells his wares at the farmer's market, and every week, he sees Her. One day they meet--through well-meant, meddling matchmakers, of course--and Killian realizes that there is much more to the beautiful Emma Swan than he'd first thought. Alternate Universe.

Fix you, @1handedpiratewithadrinkingprob

Emma is a nurse on the med surg floor of her hospital when she meets Killian, a patient recovering from surgery following a traumatic hand injury. With a long road to recovery and a few too many over time shifts, Emma and Killian learn to heal together. Modern/ hospital AU.

If the Stars Align, @swanslieutenant

Danger lurks around every corner in the French court and as a Musketeer in service of the royal family, Killian’s duty is to protect them from any and all threats. As his relationship with Queen Emma develops into something more than just friendship, threats against the queen escalate and place everything they both hold dear into jeopardy.

Fish out of Water,  Sassysazzles

Modern!AU Captain Swan. Hiding from her past, Emma finds a job working for a simple Fishmonger in a small town in Maine. Running away leads Emma to right where she belongs…even if it's a little fishy.

Something like you love me, @kittennharington

Emma decides the best way to get Mary Margaret off her back about Walsh is to say she already has a boyfriend. Except she doesn't. That's where Killian comes in. Fake!Engagement fic.

Fairytale of New York,  @artistic-writer

An AU elsewhere fic based in New York. Emma Swan and her best friend Mary Margaret "Snow" Blanchard are ready for a change. After Mary Margaret gets offered a new job at a school in Manhatten, Emma decides to go with her. She takes a job in a traditional, mom and pop diner called Granny's and soon both of them are finding love in the most unlikely of places.

The Promise, @flslp87

Killian and Emma, two souls destined to be one. Come along on their journey of True Love, filled with romance, passion, and challenges as they fight for their Happy Beginning in The Promise.

#cs ff #cs rec fic #cs rec ff #my rec list #Captain Swan #cs fanfiction #cs rec list #captain swan fanfiction #cs fic rec #CS fanfics

[qualkoesuce-blog]

How soon is too soon to start dating after a divorce

Can a Person Meet Someone Too Soon After a Divorce? I have decided to leave my husband of 9 years we have 3 girls together and moved out with my kids a little over a month ago.  It is just there is a small doubt inside making me wonder if I have moving on too soon because I was with him for over many years.  What about your life is it going well? Since you just broke up with your lover, you have to heal that heart broken scar first and try be the best person you can be before you begin commit to anyone else.  If relevant, please include what state your divorce is taking place in as state laws vary.  Well, the truth is that only you and maybe your therapist can answer that question.  Unless you start dating before dating after divorce, and when it's okay to date after dating after divorce? Just ask him to pause, to try and put himself in her shoes.  Now they see you in a different light.

How to Know When to Start Dating After Divorce Do yourself and your love life a favor.  Immediately started dating on 3rd 'boyfriend' in 12 months--this one seems super serious.  Nearly a decade together and you can't wait a few months before testing the waters again? I'm laid back into the divorce: goodbye meeting in a breakup.  Our panel of dating after divorce is going dating someone.  Why are you posing this question? There's no ideal time to know how to date after your ex and what are the advantages to date of getting naked again soon.  My daughter has no idea my ex wants nothing to do with her now, she was not there to hear him say that and I do not plan on telling her either.  You Are Not Alone That said, with over , women in the Sixty and Me community, I was sure that there were many other great ideas out there.

Dating After Divorce: How Soon is Too Soon? There is nothing that says he even has to bring the kids to you.  In the beginning, it amplifies our insecurities.  Because divorce is hard, the end of your partnership should be honored with as much time as you need to heal.  Don't live by others' values - you may miss out on some great stuff.  I had not talked to him for some time and as soon as I went to dinner and came home, he decided to start calling and came by.  When the thought of going out with someone new sounds more exhilarating than it sounds exhausting, it might be time to give dating the green light.  You've let go of a parent wait too long to jump into three, you know when and fast rules for years.

9 Divorceés Share How Long They Waited To Date Again Otherwise, your kids will become emotional ping-pong balls.  Many people consider it cheating until the divorce is final, he may be one of them and so to him you are in fact cheating if you are dating again.  Taking the time to heal after a break up will help you avoid a rebound relationship and put you in the best place to find love again.  I have a Guinea pig who eats nonstop though.  I have never been divorced myself, but I feel that once you are living in separate homes, you are a free agent.  Because he very well could do that.  Not everybody however use it to find a date; some are just looking to see what type of people are available out there.

Dating After Divorce: Is it too Soon? Don't listen to family and friends who may be telling you that you need to get out and find someone new.  Find out how well you handle rejection after your divorce.  There is nobody judging me but still I want to be happy for my own sake and to keep the sanity inside.  As always, please feel free to leave suggestions, ask any questions for help or simply discuss the topic.  Luckily they both remained cool and it did not escalate.

Dating After Divorce: Is it too Soon? I can't imagine trying to move on before the ink has even tried.  By the same token, if you're just looking for a little companionship while you get over the hump of healing, having a new friend can be a great thing.  Feeling sad and tips for 5 months or too soon after the plurality of the divorce: lisa arends.  If you expect or need to fall in love again, your new relationship might be doomed to failure.  There comes a time, when meetings to find better people becomes a necessity and then we keep nothing in mind except to look for a new partner to keep the love life moving.

9 Divorceés Share How Long They Waited To Date Again So dad told the kids he was going over to check on mom.  I found out I was never legaly married when I left my husband and filed for divorce.  How soon to start dating after a divorce Judith sills, you're just dealing with the divorce think are longer together.  When you think about going on a date, what would the conversation be about? How soon to date again after break up? By: Contributor - Updated April 27, 2015 No one can tell you the right time to start dating again after you have been divorced.  In other words, be an emotionally healthy, complete person.  It doesn't matter if it was for a booty call or to complete a project for work.  He knew nothing about my divroce, last I had spoken to him was the year I got wed, in 2008.

When to start dating after divorce and how soon is too soon? : Divorce If your relationship was a long one, you likely had a lot invested emotionally.  But I dont' feel that you need to wait for divorce to be finalized to date.  You'll see them, they will avoid you and then you'll find someone else who will date you - yay you! Wait long enough to grieve and get your act together, then jump right in before you become a bitter old cat lady like me.  Well I knew he would continue bothering me so I turned off my ringer, 10 mins later something told me to check my phone had 17 missed calls from him.  Online dating world has the following divorce.  If you're not careful, it can backfire on you with your children rebelling or worse, one of your so called friends is not so nice to your little girls.  It took me months to be able to breathe normally after my divorce.

Dating soon after divorce Are you able to talk about your ex husband calmly and without getting upset? As far as I can see you did this in a discrete way which not adversely affect the children.  I did not feel like a man if somebody was not dangling from my arm.  You have to be above board, no fault at all, no dating, no doing anything with any man by yourself.  Am I take steps too soon in regard to dating and having a new relationship? Divorce: tread carefully when to get back together even think about marriage is.  I'm sorry but I think you're being delusional.

#Dating #After #Separation #How #Soon #Is #Too #Soon?

[officialleehadan]

Masterlist 7/14/2018

Hello Darlings, here is the updated masterlist as of 7/14/18

If you want to blacklist these posts, which will update every other week or so, the tag is Lee Hadan Masterlist

All the stories here are arranged by series, and the stories are arranged chronologically within their series. If there’s only one story in a series, I already have continuations written (or planned) and more will be coming soon!

+++

  Support me on Patreon!

Books on Amazon:

Goblin Armor

There has never been much in way of peace between the Faerie Realm, and the Shadow Wold of the Goblins. Generations of hostility and mistrust will do that. Still, for two generations, the border has been quiet, and the fearsom Goblins hidden away deep in their dark forest. Until now. With the Goblins on the march, and Princess Snowbell’s king-father flying to meet them, it is all Snow can do to keep her family, and her Realm, from falling to treason, and murder. There has never been much in way of peace between the Faerie Realm, and the Shadow Wold of the Goblins. Generations of hostility and mistrust will do that. Still, for two generations, the border has been quiet, and the fearsom Goblins hidden away deep in their dark forest. Until now. With the Goblins on the march, and Princess Snowbell’s king-father flying to meet them, it is all Snow can do to keep her family, and her Realm, from falling to treason, and murder.

Return Again

I thought my father was normal. The kind of dad who deals with work, and homework, and the troubles that come with being a single father to a seventeen-year-old girl. I didn’t know he went to a different world when he was a teenager. I didn’t know he was the Chosen One of a magic sword. I didn’t know he saved a whole kingdom, maybe their world, before he was twenty. That was thirty years ago. Now they need him back, and I’m going with him.

The Idol of Astre: ($2 a month on Patreon)

Chapter 1 (Tumblr)

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

The Unsettled:

Handful of Salt

Critter Jar

Appropriate use of Craft Glitter

Unafraid

This Old House:

Experienced Home-Buying

White Roses and Deck Railings

Twins Together:

Brothers Apart

Sanctuary Always

Twinning Disagreements

Deities and Demigods:

Boredom

Inconvenienced

Luck’s Chosen

Golden Apples

Apocalypse:

Come Again Another Day

Invasion from Below

War-Beasts

Four Horses

Four Horsemen

Horsemen Four

Mercy Mercy Mercy

Breaking Waves:

After the Storm

Winter Wind

Uncollected Faeries:

Faerie Ring

Glitter Poo

Skitter

Wine-Dark

The End of Indian Summer

Purple Handed

At the Sign of the Silver Rose:

Cold Iron Buckshot

Troll Market

Selkie Skin:

Seal Coat

Uncollected Dragons:

Exploration by Wing

Iced White Wine

Mine to Hoard

Hoard of Memories

Uncollected Witches:

Best Served Cold

Casual Friday

Exotic Components

One Eye on the Other Side

Spelled Cooking

Thyme can Heal

The Lightning Witch:

Static Charge

First Strike

Black Lightning on the Horizon

Storm Breaking

Crash Down

Husband to the Queen

When the Wolf Star Rises

Treebrothers:

Snow Elf

Wild Roses and Birdsong

Spider-Eating Elves:

Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder

Introductory Trouble

Lady of Grace

Lady of Stone, and her Girlfriend

Lady Retrieved

Monsters on the Wing

Spiderwebs and Cookies

Royal Match

Worldbuilding Essays:

Blood Magic

Elf Forest

Green Magic

Forge Magic

Thread Magic

Dragons

Light and Dark Magic

13 Moons

Frost Moon

Blue Moon

Jasmine Moon

HGE - Human/Alien Relations

Get That OUT of Your Mouth

Medical Attention

Claws

Ingenuity

War and Peace

Echo-Folk

HGE - Invasions

Invasion Denied

Blood Will Tell (What Waits in the Dark)

No Moon

HGE - The Others

Through Shattered Glass

Sea and Sky

HGE - Conflagration

Fire District

HGE - Smoke before Fire

The Legend, The Rumor

Deep Water and Scales

Black Scales and Open Spaces

Screams in the Dark

Warning Lights

Into the Wild

HGE - The Maw

Back Room Handshakes

New Understandings

HGE - Learn to Fly, Learn to Breathe:

Red Baron

Red Prince

Red Sky

Stone and Intuition:

Pack Hunters

Attack Droids

Dragon Bones

Dream of a Desk Job

Explosive Foolishness

Inferno Grenades

Married Life

The Hand of Bone:

Death’s Kiss

Supers Beyond

Card Shark

Heroic Rescue

Housekeeping Before Villainy

Jet Fuel

Lobster Bisque

Opposing Elements:

Cold Front

Reality at Will

Altering Reality

Reality Bent

The Pen is Mightier

Will of Fire

Chinese Pepper

Firepower

A Moment’s Peace

Burnout

Doctor Rimeheart (Supervillain Coffee Shop)

Handicapped

Power Rests in the Eye

Nuclear Option

Incidental Villain

Cut a Deal

First Summon

Even Supervillains run from Fangirls

The Blackest Coffee

Deal with the Devil

Fear and Coffeegrounds

Personal Space

Broken Countertops

Christmas Cookies

Revealed

Wannabe Wannabes

Home Life

Shadows Unleashed

Higher Being Housemates

Bright Red Panties

Black and White Feathers

Demonic Comfort

Demonic Intervention

Unwanted Attention

Magpie Wings

Don’t Fall

Sparklers and Demon Smiles

Uncollected Demons:

Accidental Oops

Bloody Mirror

Brimstone Portal

Burn My Body and Bury Me Deep

Holy Protestation

On Repeat

The Gunsmith

The Wrong Victim

Over the Edge

Sinners

Seven Sins

House of Demons

A Deal Once Made:

You Scratch my Back

Contract Lawyer:

Blue Frosting

Fine Print

Uncollected:

Awaken History

Command.Awaken

Isle of Monsters

One Punch Man

Stonebreaker Caldera

Hot Potato, Hot Potato

Vigilante Vampire

Crawlspace

Slow Burn:

About-Face

Between Us Girls:

Surprises Abroad

Uncollected Fantasy:

Below the Fog

Glitter Bold

God-Touched Tide

Into the Darkness

Turn Me

Wolf Moon

Blood Moon

Hallowed Halls Memorial

A Kiss to Heal a Broken Heart

The Mistlands:

Foolhardy Errand

Desert Glass:

Spellborn Lost

Smoked Glass

The Rise to Power:

Two Minds as One

Gates Torn Down

Heaven’s Gates

Counter-Code:

Code for Magic

99 Shiny New Bugs

Blood Magic:

Blood Fire

At the Last Moment

Healing Touch                                                                                            

Unbound, Unbroken

Student Discovered

Claimed as Ours

Never Free:

Round and Round Again

Mistaken Step

Golden Scales:

Tigerfish

Blood and Passion:

White Marble

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#fantasy #scifi #sci-fi #superhero #superheroes #supervillains #angels #Lee Hadan Masterlist #stories #short story #short stories #fiction #spilled ink #spilled thoughts #spilled words #spilled writing #writing inspiration #dialogue inspiration #promtp #prompts #Lee Hadan

[gyrlversion]

Indian cashew processors on £2 a day left with burns from superfood

The pain is usually worse in the evening, when angry, weeping sores start to appear. 

Washing does little to alleviate the agony, it just opens old wounds.

And there are plenty of those — six years’ worth, mapping her hands like scorch marks. She winces as she prepares dinner for her husband, daughter and two sons.

Chopping onions and chillies is torture. And because she eats with her hands — there are no knives and forks here — the spicy curry can make her cry out in pain. 

This is the life of Pushpa Gandhi, 30, in southern India, who supports her family as a cashew nut sheller. She’s an unseen face of the industry feeding the UK’s voracious appetite for the nuts — we ate 17,000 tonnes in 2016, 35 per cent up on 2012.

Cashew nut processors in India have been left with burns on their hands from the superfood

The rise in veganism is thought to have played a part in our increasing consumption. Cashews are in energy bars, butters and salads as well as vegan alternatives to milk, cheese and creamy puddings.

A good source of protein, magnesium, potassium, iron and zinc, the monounsaturated fats they contain help protect against heart disease.

But there’s a catch to cashews. The nuts — nearly all processed in India or Vietnam — are difficult to extract and are therefore shelled by hand. A cashew has two layers of hard shell, between which lie caustic substances — cardol and anacardic acid — that can cause vicious burns.

Burns are a fact of life for up to 500,000 workers in India’s cashew industry, nearly all women. They are employed without contracts, with no guarantee of steady income, no pension or holiday pay.

Many don’t even get gloves, and if they did, they probably couldn’t afford to wear them. Gloves would slow their shelling down, and they are paid by the kilo. When their pain becomes unbearable, they need medicine — and, of course, they must pay for it. So they soothe the acid burns with ash from their fires.

I was horrified when I found out my diet might be funding this misery. I’m a vegan, and the dairy-free ‘cheeses’ I love typically use cashews. The creamy sauces I love in pasta bakes do, too.

Cashew nut shells have cardol and anacardic acid — that can cause vicious burns. Burns are a fact of life for up to 500,000 workers in India’s cashew industry, nearly all women. They are employed without contracts, with no guarantee of steady income, no pension or holiday pay

Cashew nut production in India. Yashoda Arumurugan, 48, shells cashews in a processing unit in the village of Pudhukuppam in the southern state of Tamil Nadu

Pushpa Gandhi, 30, in southern India (pictured right with Femail reporter Emily Clark), supports her family as a cashew nut sheller. She’s an unseen face of the industry feeding the UK’s voracious appetite for the nuts — we ate 17,000 tonnes in 2016, 35 per cent up on 2012

The youngest girl at the unit: Suganthi Ramalingami, 13. She is taking time off school to shell cashews

But I had no idea about how they were being produced. And so I travelled to the village of Pudhukuppam in the Indian state of Tamil Nadu to meet the nut shellers.

When Pushpa was younger, she wanted to study English at university and become a teacher. Her parents didn’t approve, so she married at 18 and started work — first as a farm worker, then here.

Sitting on the ground among heaps of cracked cashew shells, she says her life is over. It’s not just the repetitive work that has worn her down. Her face and arms bear similar scars to her hands, caused by the cashew acids.

‘It’s already starting to burn,’ she says, five hours into her day. ‘Today when we go home and wash, we will see the boils on our skin. It takes about a week for them to heal. But as the old ones heal, new ones keep coming.’

The charity Traidcraft Exchange blames these conditions on the way European buyers — including UK supermarkets — aggressively push down prices, forcing cashew companies to hire cheap labour.

Follow cashew supply chains back and you will find women and children in unregulated shelling units all over India. 

Many don’t even get gloves, and if they did, they probably couldn’t afford to wear them. Gloves would slow their shelling down, and they are paid by the kilo

The charity Traidcraft Exchange blames these conditions on the way European buyers — including UK supermarkets — aggressively push down prices, forcing cashew companies to hire cheap labour

A tub of cashew shells and cashews ready to be separated at the production plant in India

The youngest working with Pushpa was 13. There are regulated factories where conditions are better — for example, in the adjacent state of Kerala. 

But when buyers squeeze suppliers, shelling is outsourced over the border to unregulated units. Pushpa earns just 200 rupees a day, or £2.15. A broker pays her 7p per kilogram of unshelled nuts, and she produces 10kg of shelled cashews a day.

A 200g packet of cashews in Tesco is £3, so had the nuts Pushpa shelled been destined to go there, at this price, just 1.4 per cent of the money we pay would go to her.

The salary is meagre, but enough to survive — when work is available. The women at this unit say there can be breaks of up to two months when crops suffer.

Competition from Vietnam, where the whole industry has been automated, has seen hundreds of Indian factories shut.

The Vietnamese designed and built all their own cashew machinery to cut labour costs, but India just doesn’t have this machinery, because most growers haven’t had the chance to invest in it.

The youngest working with Pushpa was 13 (pictured). There are regulated factories where conditions are better — for example, in the adjacent state of Kerala

Pushpa earns just 200 rupees a day, or £2.15. A broker pays her 7p per kilogram of unshelled nuts, and she produces 10kg of shelled cashews a day. The salary is meagre, but enough to survive — when work is available 

Pushpa’s husband is a builder, whose income is also unstable. When they struggle to pay bills they take out a loan with an interest rate of 3 per cent per month. So far, they owe £550.

This puts pressure on workers like Pushpa to shell faster to earn extra cash — meaning accidents are more likely. Pushpa has caught her fingers several times in the blades of the shell cutter.

Uma Jayamurthi, a nurse at the local Cuddalore medical centre, says she has seen several patients in the past year who have chopped off the top of a finger.

Around 40 per cent of patients at the centre have cashew-related injuries. ‘The main reason people come here is when the cashew acid goes under their nails and it gets infected,’ says Uma.

But she adds they only come when the pain is ‘unbearable’, because of the cost.

There would be fewer infections if shelling units had basic washing facilities, but many do not. At Pushpa’s, there is neither a toilet nor a sink with soap and water. 

Co-worker Yashoda, 48, who has asthma, says: ‘As children, we questioned why the hell we were born into such poverty. Every day we live our lives without any kind of financial stability and that is always weighing down on me.’

Uma Jayamurthi, a nurse at the local Cuddalore medical centre, says she has seen several patients in the past year who have chopped off the top of a finger. She said: ‘The main reason people come here is when the cashew acid goes under their nails and it gets infected’

The hands of Yashoda Arumurugan, 48 as she uses a pebble to crack the cashew shell, instead of a cutting machine

Pushpa Gandhi, 30, a cashew sheller at the unit in Pudhukuppam. She wears an old shirt to cover her arms and sari. It is covered in dark spots where the cashew acid has squirted out from the shells

Pushpa Gandhi has cut the shells in two with a machine and now has to pick out the nuts from a shell. She wears two gloves, or one for better dexterity, and has cut the fingertips off

We play our part in this cycle of despair. So, how can we change it? Boycotting cashews is not a solution — women like Yashoda and Pushpa would lose their jobs. 

Fairer pay from supermarkets would be a start — as would a transparent supply chain. The ‘country of origin’ on Sainsbury’s cashews says ‘packed in France’ — hardly enlightening.

British supermarkets should also better police their supply chains. All the major UK supermarkets, including Sainsbury’s, Asda and Tesco, have voluntarily signed up to the Ethical Trading Initiative (ETI). 

In order to do so, they had to say nine ‘base code’ rules — including safe and hygienic working conditions, no child labour, living wages and regular employment — were already in place.

The British Retail Consortium, which represents supermarkets, said they have ‘robust safety and welfare standards and support suppliers in meeting these through audits, training and in-depth interviews with workers’.

A spokesman added: ‘Retailers are conscious of the problems that exist in parts of India’s cashew industry and therefore are careful to work with suppliers who provide decent working conditions.’

A spokesperson for The British Retail Consortium said: ‘Retailers are conscious of the problems that exist in parts of India’s cashew industry and therefore are careful to work with suppliers who provide decent working conditions’

But Fiona Gooch, of Traidcraft Exchange, says producers ‘are under too much [price] pressure’ to comply with the agreements.

She says finance experts should cross-check wage slips with a sample of workers, and super-markets should send health and safety teams to inspect factories.

However, factory visits can only do so much as workers cannot always speak freely.

As customers, we can act too. By contacting supermarket head offices by email, phone or letter we can demand that they are meeting their obligations.

So this morning, as you dig into porridge with pomegranate seeds and cashews, or spread cashew butter on toast, think of Pushpa and Yashoda. It’s time our major supermarkets did, too.

The post Indian cashew processors on £2 a day left with burns from superfood appeared first on Gyrlversion.

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#Entertainment News

[evangelistopamfo]

012719-ARE YOU A FIRST TIMER?

1. January 27

Righteous Among the Nations

Bible in a Year:

Exodus 16–18; Matthew 18:1–20

For such a time as this.

Esther 4:14

Today's Scripture & Insight:

Esther 4:5-14

At Yad Vashem, the Holocaust museum in Israel, my husband and I went to the Righteous Among the Nations garden that honors the men and women who risked their lives to save Jewish people during the Holocaust. While looking at the memorial, we met a group from the Netherlands. One woman was there to see her grandparents’ names listed on the large plaques. Intrigued, we asked about her family’s story.

Members of a resistance network, the woman’s grandparents Rev. Pieter and Adriana Müller took in a two-year-old Jewish boy and passed him off as the youngest of their eight children from 1943–1945.

Moved by the story, we asked, “Did the little boy survive?” An older gentleman in the group stepped forward and proclaimed, “I am that boy!”

The bravery of many to act on behalf of the Jewish people reminds me of Queen Esther. The queen may have thought she could escape King Xerxes’s decree to annihilate the Jews around 475 bc because she had concealed her ethnicity. However, she was convinced to act—even under the threat of death—when her cousin begged her to not remain silent about her Jewish heritage because she had been placed in her position “for such a time as this” (Esther 4:14).

We may never be asked to make such a dramatic decision. However, we will likely face the choice to speak out against an injustice or remain silent; to provide assistance to someone in trouble or turn away. May God grant us courage.

By Lisa Samra

Today's Reflection

Are there those you need to speak up for? Ask God about the timing.

2.

WHY YOU SHOULD NOT GIVE UP

She made the right call.

They wanted her to give up and stop trying to get this..

But she refused and instead decided to believe God to turn things around for her...

Hear her:

===

"I thank God for the prayers

that I offered when believing for

a job.

I was to pray and fast for 1 day

with breaking of the fast at 3pm,

as I believed an interview I did

(and was sent a regret) was not in

line with God's will for me.

When I broke the fast at 3pm,

at 5.30pm I received a phone call

to go to the offices.

On arrival at the office 2 days

later I was offered the job.

To God be the glory!"

-- Susan

===

Last year by this time I made a HUGE promise in this newsletter.

I am about to deliver on that promise

in a few days. In case you missed it,

you can still learn about it here:

==> http://firesprings.com/miracley.htm

Please let me know what you think!

Be An Overcomer

elisha

PS: See what we are about to do here:

==> http://firesprings.com/miracley.htm

3.

3 Ways To Receive

Answers To Your Prayers

This Very Night

Every victorious prayer warrior has a collection of prayers that brings great deliverance and blessings.

In the next 7 minutes I’m going to show you the A-B-C of how to pray so that you receive answers to all your prayers without having to run around desperately looking for someone to pray for you.

This is for you if…

ü  You cannot point to a tangible testimony of answered prayers.

ü  You’re tired and frustrated with praying and praying without seeing any answers.

ü  You’re forced to watch others share testimonies day in day out without anything to show for all your prayer and fasting and good works.

ü  You’re are beginning to feel that God is not hearing you because of something in your past that the enemy keeps reminding you of.

Let me explain:

Imagine that the Lord Jesus is standing right in front of you this minute.

Like the woman with the issue of blood (Mark 5)... just imagine you can somehow stretch out your right hand and touch the helm of His garment, like she so famously did.

In the same way that her touch of faith caused her sickness to disappear …

ü  If you have any debts weighing you down, they are cancelled miraculously (and you begin to experience the peace of mind that freedom from debt brings). -->Click here for short e-course>>

ü  Your relationships are instantly restored (you begin to spend your days and nights worry-free). -->Click here for short e-course>>

ü  Even dream attacks and nightmares disappear (leaving only the prophetic dreams where you hear the LORD speak loving words to you, giving you step-by-step guidance in every decision of life). -->Click here for short e-course>>

Please note this one thing:

That you can receive answers to your prayers this very night, without having to become a super-anointed prayer eagle.

No matter how stubborn the problem ...

Like the woman who just sent me this email:

"He Threw The Wedding Ring At Me But It Was Back On His Finger - In Less Than 24 Hours”  

Praise The Lord! I am writing to testify of the Lord's goodness in my life, yesterday 13th November 2018, I opened my email and found an email: 3 ways to receive answers to your prayer this very night. I read the entire email and decided to trust God for an answer. I am currently going through marital distress and on Sunday 11th November 2018, my husband removed his ring and threw it at me, saying that he was done with the marriage, after being married in church for seven years. I decided to take it to the Lord in prayer. I employed three prayers I learned from your emails: 1. Oh Lord, open my eyes to see you and my ears to hear you in the name of Jesus! - this I prayed for two consecutive minutes. 2. Rivers of Marital distress flowing form my fathers side, my mother's side and my in-laws, dry up in the name of Jesus! 3. Holy spirit, wherever I have been rejected, cause them to come falling head over heals to help me in the name of Jesus! In less than 24 hours, my husband had looked for the ring and put it back on his finger. He even asked for some time for us to talk whenever am ready. Praise the Lord!!!! Thank you Elisha Goodman for teaching us how to fire at the hidden enemy.

                                                            - Name Withheld  

-->Click here for MORE of such prayers>>

What would happen if you do not listen to what I'm saying to you now...

OR ... if you choose to do nothing about your situation today?

You may continue to swim in debt (God forbid), wallow in lack, poverty and shame, and watch your life gradually and painfully squeezed out of you...

...  through endless attacks in the dream as you sleep, and in the real world when you awake.

That means you see …

 Zero testimonies

 Endless cycle of rejection

 Pain and sorrow continually …

How do I know?

Confessions of a well-trashed prayer warrior  

I once suffered so much at the hands of the enemy.

I mean I was beaten black and blue by the devil and his agents, who sometimes masqueraded as ministers of the gospel.

Things got so bad at one point I found myself homeless, forced to sleep under a tree!

After many years of pain and misery, the LORD had mercy on me.

Shortly after He gave me a strong mandate to go forth and show others the way out.

Literally He handed me a paper with 40 "prayer bullets" during a midnight vision.

He made it so simple to understand that anyone could follow it.

And receive answers to their prayers anytime they used the prayers.

There are thousands of praise reports from ordinary believers from 117 countries posted to our websites.

Most of them never believed they could pray and receive answers on their own, all by themselves.

But today, they are counting their blessings. And full of testimonies.

Like Irene from South Africa.

She wrote:

"How The Prayers Changed My Life”  

Your prayers really really changed my life for the best.

Yesterday I collected my new Hyundai Tucson after driving Toyota Yaris for 11yrs. Ever since I came across this ministry 5yrs my life has never been the same.

I have been in great job with a good boss in the past 5yrs because of your prayers. Got married to my husband using your prayers 3yrs ago.

Got my baby boy Lesiba using this ministry ‘s prayers 1yr ago.My family is at peace all because of this prayers.

I was introduced to a great business in Feb2018 that allow me to make extra income around my full time job because of this prayers.

I can go on & on but I’m forever grateful to Elisha Goodman & the whole team for what you’re are doing.

You have really changed my life and now I want to share this site & the prayers with others so their lives can also change for the better                --> click here for short course on prayers>>

                                                            - Irene , South Africa  

How is it possible to share a testimony like this?

There are just 3 keys   you need to know

If you’re a born-again believer, you have already been anointed and empowered to pray and receive answers directly from the LORD.

Believe it or not…

You do NOT need to become a super-anointed person to ask and receive all your heart's desires…

… so long as these desires are in alignment with the Word of God.

There are 3 simple keys.

    Key #1:   Know the prayer to address each situation

                     (so you do not end up praying amiss).

    Key #2:   Use the right spiritual weapons to target your exact

                      problem during prayer (there are over 100 of such weapons

                      in the Bible).

    Key #3:   Learn how to pray and dissolve the invisible walls that block

                      answers to prayers (such as unbelief, sin, dream attacks, etc.)

Remember what I said earlier?

You can receive answers to your prayers this very night, especially if yourears are “tuned” to hear what the Spirit of the LORD directs you to do during (and after) your prayers.

This is where (almost) all modern Christians are missing it.

They hear nothing during prayer.

Their prayers are not targeted.

They are (sadly) praying amiss (James 4:3).

Please close your eyes and take this one prayer:

O LORD open my spiritual eyes and ears in the name of Jesus.

Please pray it again. For 2 minutes.

So that your spiritual ears may be open to hear what the LORD is speaking to you.

Let me illustrate what hearing in the spirit looks like in real life.

There’s an email I received recently.

The writer was doing very well a year ago -swimming in divine blessings – when all of a sudden she lost everything mysteriously.

She is now homeless.

She has prayed and fasted much yet things are getting worse.

She’s truly baffled, frustrated and at the point of giving up.

Hear her:

==

I don't know if it's faith or hope am losing.

It's been Year. I've prayed. I've fasted. I've redone the prayer academy. But I've move(from staying on luxury hills to being homeless and sleeping in churches or at times with people who can accommodate me.

I don't where am going wrong. I even no longer hear from God regardless of my search for him.i meditate on his word and the testimonies in your emails.iam chases from place yo place .

I can no longer open my mouth to pray. Ive lost the meaning of fasting.

I no longer know where to turn or who to help me.my pastor also refuses to meet me to stand with me In prayer. Sighting being busy. I've prayed Jane's prayers to employment and some several job applications but nothing.

Iam very tired. If nothing please pray with me not to lose faith. I don't want backslide. I've lost balance totally. - Name withheld

What was my response to her email?

I began to read the first sentence. Two seconds later, I heard the voice of the Holy Spirit.

Telling me to ask her this question (hint: the answer to this question reveals the hidden root of her problems).

So I ask:

Thank you for your email.

First question: Did you have sex with anyone you are not married to?

Please reply

Her answer came back:

Yes I did. Last year.

Actually,  now remembering. That was the beginning of my losing my job and whereas he began to do the best he's ever been in life.

(plus other details...)

What happened here?

She is the victim of a well-orchestrated satanic exchange of virtues – in the realm of the spirit.

Very stubborn kind of problem to solve.

However, with the hidden roots of her problem revealed, the problem is half-way solved…

… if she is willing to follow my simple suggestions, she will soon be sharing a shocking testimony of divine restoration.

There are prayers custom-made to target this type of problem where the individual unwittingly opens the doorways of her life and “invites” the enemy to come in.

Do you see how this works?

Without the divine enablement to hear in the spirit, this type of problem will remain unsolved.

So far you have discovered that …

#1:      For every problem, there is a prayer tailor-made to deal with it

#2:      There are specific targeted prayers to address the specific

            problems you have today.

#3:      Your prayers could be blocked or hindered in the realm of the

            spirit – the only way to discover the root cause of the problem

            PLUS the divinely-prescribed solution is to learn how to “hear”

            and “see” in the spirit through prayer.

If you remember nothing else, I hope you get this one thing:

That you can receive answers to your prayers this very night, without even having to become a super-anointed prayer eagle.

It does not matter whether you are praying for answers in the area of:     Healing and Deliverance Finances and Debt Freedom Salvation of loved ones Job and Career Advancement Marriages Relationships Dreams Prophecies Spiritual WarfareAt this point, you might be wondering:

"How can I make this happen for me?"

You have 2 choices:

           Either you continue the way you’ve been going … praying blindly (amiss), hearing and seeing nothing in the spirit, getting beat up everyday by the enemy (even in the dream), not even knowing what prayers to pray for what situation…

           OR

           The second way is to seek help and join the Prayer Eagles Forum today. That one decision gives you access to the #1 gathering place of the Internet’s most effective prayer warriors with 24-hour-a-day access to:

ü  Seasoned Prayer Advisors to guide you      

ü  7 Lessons of the Prayer Academy to equip you to war a victorious warfare in the spirit        

ü  Starter prayers        

ü  Environmental sanitation prayers (pre-marathon prayers)      

ü  Post-marathon prayers      

ü  4 eBooks (loaded with over 1000 prayer bullets to address every conceivable situation)      

ü  1 Special Report (on spiritual vampires that swallow prayers)        

ü  1 printed book with 201 healing prayers (to be shipped to your address)        

ü  24/7 Access to Members Forum (for prayer support from other prayer eagles        

Sold separately, all these materials and resources add up to almost 300 USD.

But that’s not the price you’re going to pay.

Before I give you the price, let me clear up this question that someone asked me.

Why Do You Have to Pay to Join?

      Please understand that we do NOT sell prayers.

       All our daily materials are free.

       Our "Furious Prayers Series" is free.

      Our Golden Journey Series is free to all 24-Hour Blog members.

       Our foundational prayer eagles' ebook -          Passion Prayer of Jesus the Christ -- is still free.

     However ...

      It cost us thousands of dollars to keep the sites up and running smoothly while keeping your confidential information safe and secure.

     All the regular fees / charges to run our programs have been going up sharply, not down.

      And since we do not solicit for gifts and offerings to run our operations, we have no option but to charge a discounted fee, once in a while, for a few of our programs like this one in order to help defray the cost of running off this secure platform.  

So what’s your price today?      

ü  With all 4 eBooks + lifetime access to Forum:      147 USD

ü  With 3 eBooks + 1-year membership                       107 USD

ü  With 2 eBooks + 6-months membership                    79 USD

When you order today, I will send you a special unadvertised Bonus as my way of saying “thank you”.

To recap, here’s what you get:

  PREMIUM 10-Piece Kit

Complete 9-Piece Kit

Basic Toolkit

Printed Book- Prayer of Caleb - incl. 201 prayer points - ($47 value)

Printed Book - Prayer of Caleb - incl. 201 prayer points - ($47 value)

Printed Book - Prayer of Caleb - incl. 201 prayer points - ($47 value)

eBooks & Special Report (6)

1. Special Report   - Spiritual Vampires 2. Dream  CODE points 3. Prayer DNA Secrets"               -- (with 659 prayers) 4. "Prayer Cookbook"       -- ($39.95 value) 5. #1 Secret for Getting   Out of Debt (incl. 101 prayer pts) 6. Rainmaker's 2-in-1   Prayer Manual

eBooks & Special Report (5)

1. Special Report  - Spiritual Vampires 2. "Dream CODE"  - 111 prayer points 3.Prayer DNA Secrets  - (with 659 prayers) 4. "Prayer Cookbook"  - ($39.95 value) 5. #1 Secret for   Getting Out of   Debt (incl 101   prayers)

eBooks & Special Reports (3)

1. Special Report-Spiritual Vampires 2. "Dream CODE" - 111 prayer bullets 3.Prayer DNA Secrets - 659 prayers

Prayer Coaching

1. One-on-one session by email (after the program) 2.  Specially Customized Prayer Bullets - As Needed

3. Access to Members Forum (Unlimited)

Prayer Coaching 1. Specially Customized Prayer Points – After Program 2. Access to Forum

Prayer Coaching

1. Customized Prayer Points – After Program

  USD $147

USD $107

USD $79

Very Important:

On the next page before you order please

choose currency as: (USD) US dollar so  you see the correct amount

If your country (your location) is NOT listed...

        ==> Click here for our NEW payment methods

Now imagine yourself     a few weeks from now…    

With all these prayer bullets in your hands (plus my coaching and guidance), you never have to run around in fear and panic ever again – seeking someone to pray for you.

Or "see visions" for you.

Or prophesy into your life.

Or even interpret your dreams for you.

    You become your own personal prophet… able to do all these things without breaking a sweat...

    ... yes, you will pray and prophesy powerful breakthroughs into your life and that of your loved ones.

       You experience peace that surpasses all understanding, knowing that you can always rise to the occasion, take all your problems to the LORD in prayer…

... and expect to receive answers to your prayers… sometimes while you’re yet speaking.  

... your future will be full of hope, joy, and great blessings.

For the Bible says:

For surely there is a future hope; and your expectation shall not be cut off - Prov. 23:18

Be An Overcomer

elisha

P.S. Think about what it means for you to become your own personal          prophet… you become fearless, ... able to pray and prophesy powerful          breakthroughs into your life and that of your loved ones.

[qluemagazine]

Beyonce Photographed by Tyler Mitchell

Since the news broke that Beyonce will be the cover star for the Vogue September issue, we’ve been anticipating what the cover will look like, especially since she’s the one in charge of everything about the cover and as she told Clover Hope for the cover, you can bet she’s a super human, she’s a legend and we can’t get enough of every of her look for this cover and even her words too.

Freedom

I don’t like too much structure. I like to be free. I’m not alive unless I am creating something. I’m not happy if I’m not creating, if I��m not dreaming, if I’m not creating a dream and making it into something real. I’m not happy if I’m not improving, evolving, moving forward, inspiring, teaching, and learning.

Legacy

My mother taught me the importance not just of being seen but of seeing myself. As the mother of two girls, it’s important to me that they see themselves too—in books, films, and on runways. It’s important to me that they see themselves as CEOs, as bosses, and that they know they can write the script for their own lives—that they can speak their minds and they have no ceiling. They don’t have to be a certain type or fit into a specific category. They don’t have to be politically correct, as long as they’re authentic, respectful, compassionate, and empathetic. They can explore any religion, fall in love with any race, and love who they want to love.

I want the same things for my son. I want him to know that he can be strong and brave but that he can also be sensitive and kind. I want my son to have a high emotional IQ where he is free to be caring, truthful, and honest. It’s everything a woman wants in a man, and yet we don’t teach it to our boys.

I hope to teach my son not to fall victim to what the internet says he should be or how he should love. I want to create better representations for him so he is allowed to reach his full potential as a man, and to teach him that the real magic he possesses in the world is the power to affirm his own existence.

I’m in a place of gratitude right now.

I am accepting of who I am. I will continue to explore every inch of my soul and every part of my artistry.

I want to learn more, teach more, and live in full.

I’ve worked long and hard to be able to get to a place where I can choose to surround myself with what fulfills and inspires me.

Opening Doors

Until there is a mosaic of perspectives coming from different ethnicities behind the lens, we will continue to have a narrow approach and view of what the world actually looks like. That is why I wanted to work with this brilliant 23-year-old photographer Tyler Mitchell.

When I first started, 21 years ago, I was told that it was hard for me to get onto covers of magazines because black people did not sell. Clearly that has been proven a myth. Not only is an African American on the cover of the most important month for Vogue, this is the first ever Vogue cover shot by an African American photographer.

It’s important to me that I help open doors for younger artists. There are so many cultural and societal barriers to entry that I like to do what I can to level the playing field, to present a different point of view for people who may feel like their voices don’t matter.

Imagine if someone hadn’t given a chance to the brilliant women who came before me: Josephine Baker, Nina Simone, Eartha Kitt, Aretha Franklin, Tina Turner, Diana Ross, Whitney Houston, and the list goes on. They opened the doors for me, and I pray that I’m doing all I can to open doors for the next generation of talents.

If people in powerful positions continue to hire and cast only people who look like them, sound like them, come from the same neighborhoods they grew up in, they will never have a greater understanding of experiences different from their own. They will hire the same models, curate the same art, cast the same actors over and over again, and we will all lose. The beauty of social media is it’s completely democratic. Everyone has a say. Everyone’s voice counts, and everyone has a chance to paint the world from their own perspective.

Pregnancy & Body Acceptance

After the birth of my first child, I believed in the things society said about how my body should look. I put pressure on myself to lose all the baby weight in three months, and scheduled a small tour to assure I would do it. Looking back, that was crazy. I was still breastfeeding when I performed the Revel shows in Atlantic City in 2012. After the twins, I approached things very differently.

I was 218 pounds the day I gave birth to Rumi and Sir. I was swollen from toxemia and had been on bed rest for over a month. My health and my babies’ health were in danger, so I had an emergency C-section. We spent many weeks in the NICU. My husband was a soldier and such a strong support system for me. I am proud to have been a witness to his strength and evolution as a man, a best friend, and a father. I was in survival mode and did not grasp it all until months later. Today I have a connection to any parent who has been through such an experience. After the C-section, my core felt different. It had been major surgery. Some of your organs are shifted temporarily, and in rare cases, removed temporarily during delivery. I am not sure everyone understands that. I needed time to heal, to recover. During my recovery, I gave myself self-love and self-care, and I embraced being curvier. I accepted what my body wanted to be. After six months, I started preparing for Coachella. I became vegan temporarily, gave up coffee, alcohol, and all fruit drinks. But I was patient with myself and enjoyed my fuller curves. My kids and husband did, too.

I think it’s important for women and men to see and appreciate the beauty in their natural bodies. That’s why I stripped away the wigs and hair extensions and used little makeup for this shoot.

To this day my arms, shoulders, breasts, and thighs are fuller. I have a little mommy pouch, and I’m in no rush to get rid of it. I think it’s real. Whenever I’m ready to get a six-pack, I will go into beast zone and work my ass off until I have it. But right now, my little FUPA and I feel like we are meant to be.

Ancestry

I come from a lineage of broken male-female relationships, abuse of power, and mistrust. Only when I saw that clearly was I able to resolve those conflicts in my own relationship. Connecting to the past and knowing our history makes us both bruised and beautiful.

I researched my ancestry recently and learned that I come from a slave owner who fell in love with and married a slave. I had to process that revelation over time. I questioned what it meant and tried to put it into perspective. I now believe it’s why God blessed me with my twins. Male and female energy was able to coexist and grow in my blood for the first time. I pray that I am able to break the generational curses in my family and that my children will have less complicated lives.

My Journey

There are many shades on every journey. Nothing is black or white. I’ve been through hell and back, and I’m grateful for every scar. I have experienced betrayals and heartbreaks in many forms. I have had disappointments in business partnerships as well as personal ones, and they all left me feeling neglected, lost, and vulnerable. Through it all I have learned to laugh and cry and grow. I look at the woman I was in my 20s and I see a young lady growing into confidence but intent on pleasing everyone around her. I now feel so much more beautiful, so much sexier, so much more interesting. And so much more powerful.

Beyonce Photographed by Tyler Mitchell

Beyonce Photographed by Tyler Mitchell

Beyonce Photographed by Tyler Mitchell

Beyonce Photographed by Tyler Mitchell

Beyonce Photographed by Tyler Mitchell

Beyonce Photographed by Tyler Mitchell

Beyonce Photographed by Tyler Mitchell

Beyonce Photographed by Tyler Mitchell

Beyonce Photographed by Tyler Mitchell

Beyonce Photographed by Tyler Mitchell

Beyonce In Her Own Words; Vogue September Cover Since the news broke that Beyonce will be the cover star for the Vogue September issue, we've been anticipating what the cover will look like, especially since she's the one in charge of everything about the cover and as she told Clover Hope for the cover, you can bet she's a super human, she's a legend and we can't get enough of every of her look for this cover and even her words too.

#Anna Wintour #beyonce #Tyler Mitchell #Vogue