my-commonplace

[my-commonplace]

The greatest sources of our suffering are the lies we tell ourselves.

Elvin Semrad, as qtd. in The Body Keeps The Score

#the body keeps the score #bessel van der kolk

[my-commonplace]

This father was learning to challenge certain assumptions in his own thinking, such as that misbehavior is always willful opposition instead of a moment of difficulty while trying to manage feelings and behaviors... [as well as] his emphasis on having his son and daughter obey him unconditionally and without exception. Yes, he reasonably and justifiably wanted his discipline to encourage cooperation from his children. But complete and unquestioning obedience? Did he want his kids to grow up blindly obeying everyone their whole lives? Or would he rather have them develop their own individual personalities and identities, learning along the way what it means to get along with others, observe limits, make good decisions, be self-disciplined, and navigate difficult situations by thinking for themselves?

No Drama Discipline, Daniel Siegel and Tina Bryson

#no drama discipline #daniel siegel #tina bryson #parenting

[my-commonplace]

The truth is that for all of us, our capacity fluctuates given our state of mind and state of body, and these states are influenced by so many factors--especially in the case of a developing brain in a developing child.

No Drama Discipline, Daniel Siegel and Tina Bryson

#No Drama Discipline #daniel siegel #tina bryson #parenting

[my-commonplace]

“I found out I was in love with you, winter before last,” she said. “I wasn’t going to say anything about it because - well, you know. If you felt anything like that for me, you’d have known I did. But it wasn’t both of us. So there was no good in it. But then, when you told us you’re leaving… At first I thought, all the more reason to say nothing. But then I thought, that wouldn’t be fair. To me, partly. Love has a right to be spoken. And you have a right to know that somebody loves you. That somebody has loved you, could love you. We all need to know that. Maybe it’s what we need most.”

- A Fisherman of the inland sea, Ursula K. Leguin

#oh #*adds to tbr* #ursula leguin #a fisherman of the inland sea #to read

[my-commonplace]

When relationships are cold and people are essentially distant, critical, or competitive, that influences what the child expects relationships to feel like. On the other hand, if the child experiences relationships full of nurturing warmth, connection, and protection, then that will become the model for future relationships--with friends, with other members of various communities, and eventually with romantic partners and their own children.

- The Whole-Brain Child, Dan Siegel and Tina Bryson

#the whole brain child #daniel siegel #tina bryson

[my-commonplace]

Unexamined (or dis-integrated) memories cause all kinds of problems for any adult trying to live a healthy, relational life. But for parents, these hidden memories are especially dangerous, for two main reasons. First of all, even when they're very young, our kids can pick up on our feelings of dread or distress or inadequacy, even if we do that realize we're experiencing them. And when a parent is upset, it's very difficult for a child to remain calm and happy. Second, implicit memories can trigger responses from us that cause us to act in ways we don't want to. Old feelings of being left out, abandoned, or put down, by others or by our own parents, can keep us from being mature, loving, and respectful when we interact with our kids.

- Daniel Siegel and Tina Bryson, The Whole-Brain Child

#the whole brain child #daniel siegel #tina bryson #parenting #neuroscience

[my-commonplace]

“Feminists complain that sexual hedonism objectifies women, but the problem runs much deeper: It objectifies the human body itself.”

— Love Thy Body: Answering Hard Questions about Life and Sexuality by Nancy Pearcey

#love thy body #nancy pearcey #i read a book once with a line about objectifying women #but the whole book was the girl objectifying the guy 🙃 #like please see the irony

[my-commonplace]

“The real rebellion in our day is to practice chastity. That requires genuine courage.”

— Love Thy Body: Answering Hard Questions about Life and Sexuality by Nancy Pearcey

#love thy body #nancy pearcey

[my-commonplace]

For people in the first century the world was a cosmos, a sacred order; and it was filled with other beings, some of whom were people, while others were gods. And you owed them. Piety paid its debts.

C.R. Wiley, The Household and the War for the Cosmos

#ROMANS 13:8!!!!! #c.r. wiley #the household and the war for the cosmos

[my-commonplace]

Eliminate a word and you eliminate an idea, and, by implication, a way of living that the idea suggests.

C.R. Wiley, The Household and the War for the Cosmos

#oh so i should re-expand my vocabulary again #c.r. wiley #the household and the war for the cosmos

[my-commonplace]

We are born the receivers of gifts: we are in debt from the start. Every breath we take is lent to us, and gratitude, pious gratitude, is the creature’s share in the free abundance of the Creator.

Anthony Esolen, preface to C.R. Wiley's The Household and the War for the Cosmos

#anthony esolen #the household and the war for the cosmos #c.r. wiley

[my-commonplace]

As we lose the very concept of the household, we are losing the “school” that trains us how to function with love and responsibility beyond the household.

Nancy Pearcey, foreword to C.R. Wiley's The Household and the War for the Cosmos

#nancy pearcey #c.r. wiley #the household and the war for the cosmos

[my-commonplace]

That made me wonder, Why do the paths for men and women diverge so sharply when they have children? As I researched the subject, I discovered that it was not always so. Before the industrial revolution, when economic work was performed within the household, both men and women spent most of their time in the home and its outbuildings. Fathers were able to be far more involved in childrearing than today. And mothers were able to be involved in economically productive work without putting the kids in day care.

- Nancy Pearcey, foreword to C.R. Wiley's The Household and the War for the Cosmos

#the household and the war for the cosmos #nancy pearcey #c.r. wiley

[my-commonplace]

The Whole-Brain Child, Daniel Siegel and Tina Bryson

#OH WAIT THIS EXPLAINS MY STRUGGLES THO #being married to my husband has been super healing in breaking me free from a lot of it #this is a parenting book but it still speaks to my own mental struggles lmao #the whole brain child #daniel siegel #tina bryson #neuroscience #parenting

[my-commonplace]

My goal for this year was 10 books, 5x what I accomplished last year, which was an impressive amount in comparison to the sad state of my reading in the handful of years before that.

I am at 16 done in 7 months! With long breaks of not reading. I think 25 would be pretty solid for this year, even if I slow down or take a break. 30 would be nice. More would be insane, but possible.

#2023 reading challenge

[my-commonplace]

“Once a culture abandons the conviction that all humans are created in God’s image, human rights are up for grabs.”

— Love Thy Body: Answering Hard Questions about Life and Sexuality by Nancy Pearcey

#love thy body #Nancy Pearcey #i wanna get this book

[my-commonplace]

reminder to self that Demons/The Possessed by Dostoevksy is both horrifying and also the funniest thing ever.

#demons #fyodor dostoevsky #this is on my reading pile! #i am distracted but still excited to read this book