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amethysttribble · 2 months

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Father had personally asked Feanor to stand for this portrait, so he was. Father had quietly suggested that perhaps this could be a painless exercise, which did not actually mean ‘painless’ but rather ‘silent’ for Feanor, but he agreed. Father told him this painting did not symbolize anything but his own desire to have a record of all his available loved ones around him, and Feanor was trying to see it that way- for the sake of his own sanity.

Because his stomach was roiling, and there was a heaviness in his chest, a great emptiness which his heart was pounding against, echoing, echoing, echoing.

Father had one hand on Feanor’s shoulder and the other was upon Indis’s. She was sat in front of them, smiling beautifully, little golden-haired Arafinwe in her lap. Around them, her three dark-haired children were gathered. Findis on Father’s other side, Nolofinwe with her, and Lalwen in front of Feanor.

To the unaware eye, Feanor knew, they must all look like they matched. Like they went together correctly. Like a family.

When the portrait was complete and those dark haired children were gathered around the mother and father, who would guess that one child was out of place? Who might glance at all that paint representing their faces and think anything but-

You could almost be her son, Feanor thought, and then his mind replied, But you’re not.

He was so still and he dared not move, because if he did, he’d never get back in place. If Feanor flinched once, the sharp, jagged pieces of him that never fit right in this puzzle would scratch one of them. They’d be annoyed and that would be it: he’d combust in anger, he’d shatter across the floor, snapping and snarling at everyone unnecessarily until he ruined their perfect little scene. Father said this might be a painless exercise. No, no; this was to be a silent, still exercise.

You could almost be her son. But you’re not.

How good a painter was this person Father hired? How varied his faces? Would he capture that Feanor’s nose resembled that of none of the people here? Could he represent that his frame was already different from his father and little half-brother’s?

Would he lie and throw a pleased smile on Feanor’s face? Not even Father had asked him to smile.

You could almost be her son. But you’re not.

Feanor’s presence made them fit together so symmetrically, maybe that was pleasing enough to hide the wrongness of this scene. Maybe that’s why Father made him come here today, the pretty scene. Why he asked him to suffer, even as the longer he stood here, the more and more Feanor felt like he was about to be sick all over the floor.

A ghost, a ghost, there was a ghost looming over their shoulders ruining this perfectly symmetrical scene. Couldn’t they feel her breathing down their necks, icy chill against sweat? Didn’t their perfectly posed heads feel her long, clever fingers wrapped lovingly around their necks?

You could almost be her son. But you’re not.

Feanor’s gaze slipped down to the back of Indis’s head. Her beautiful golden hair. She didn’t wear a crown, this was a family portrait, and that felt worse. So much worse.

If he let his eyes unfocus and his mind wander, he could try to lie to himself that her hair was much lighter and the faces of the children around them more closely resembled his own. The woman in front of him loved him, and she fussed over his hair before they sat for this portrait, and he’d let her do it.

The worst part was Feanor did know that Indis would help him with the ties of his robes, if only he let her.

You could almost be her son. But you’re not.

She’s not, she’s not, she’s not. It was a simple statement of fact. It was scandal enough that the father replaced the wife, when one at least chose a wife, but what freak replaced his own mother?

What would the people who saw this portrait think? Would they see Finwe’s happy family or would they see Feanor’s blaring, uncomfortable intrusion upon what gods and men declared to be a better order of things? Father wanted him to belong here, but he didn’t.

He just didn’t.

You could almost be her son. But you’re not.

A painless exercise. Painless, painless, painless, for them. Silent, still Feanor, a happy accessory to the triumphant union of Finwe and Indis, a grateful stray dog permitted to drink from the bowls provided by Indis’s family.

This exercise was just meant to capture the image of all Finwe loved, nothing more. Don’t think too hard about it, Feanor. You might make the children unhappy.

You could almost be her son. But you’re not.

You should pretend you are, though. That’ll make them like you.

Because they did so disdain him, most of the time. They disliked how he glared at their mother and started fights at family dinners and ignored them in the hallways. Why shouldn’t they? Feanor would hate a person who did those things to his family, too.

He just couldn’t stop, though. He wanted to, sometimes, when the exhaustion and loneliness caught up, and then he remembered that he wasn’t Indis’s son and never would be, and remembering that made him angry. Wouldn’t it just be so damn convenient for them all if he was almost her son?

But he wasn’t.

He was Miriel’s son. That was her name. He had no portrait with her. He loved her.

He loved Miriel, but it was Indis he posed with and-

When the session was done, Feanor jerked away from his father and shoved his way past Lalwen. As he went, Indis looked up at him, caught his eye, and he couldn’t help the sneer that crossed his face.

He hoped that was painless enough for her.

When he returned to his chamber, he went to the wash room and heaved in the pot there. The gagging and retching made wetness prick his eyes, and the sudden tightness of throat made him choke all the harder. The sickness and heaving stayed long past when there was anything in his stomach to lose.

No one came. Feanor hoped maybe Father would, but really, why would he? Feanor had been mostly good, just a little rudeness wasn’t worth either reprimand or comfort.

No, they were together. Maybe admiring their portrait, happy and pleased, or complaining about his behavior again. Really, why couldnt that Curufinwe just accept nice things?

I need to get out of here, Feanor thought, face and body wet with both sweat and tears. I need to leave this place.

He was a good son, and he could do anything else his father wanted but betray his mother any more.

Feanor couldn’t pose as Indis’s son even a second longer. He would destroy himself, if he had to think one more time-

You could almost be her son. But you’re not.

#I understand what it’s like to be surrounded by people all telling you that you belong and it’s okay and just /be nice/#just play ball and settle and you can everything in the world #but you know you don’t belong #and you never will #and pretending is killing you #you won’t you can’t and you’re just so fucking sick of them pretending you can fit if you’re just /nice enough/#because they’re lying to you and themselves #just don’t be angry?? omg why are you angry? stop being angry and enjoy what we say you should want teehee #anyway I love feanor and don’t think he should have just gotten over his mothers death #tolkien #the silmarillion #feanor #tribble post #fanfic

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teaandinanity · 6 months

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Fanart for a certain scene in chapter 3 of Servant to a Different King by @tossawary that smacked me upside the head and said 'DRAW' (I am having such a good time, it is such a treat to read!)

#if tumbrl eats the image quality I'm going to cry but also if I size it down any further I will cry about THAT so we're gonna try this #and see what happens #plz fullview if the squished version looks like a mess #like it IS a mess I did not fully render everything because I got done with the faces and then like #remembered why I don't do full figure drawings ever #the reason is that I hate finishing things because it is Work and I have SO many ADHD brainweasels #sometimes I draw things #moshang #svsss #servant to a different king #by #tossawary #living a fanfic appreciation lifestyle #shang qinghua #mobei jun

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waveoftheocean · 9 months

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yet another vw wip for this week's wip wednesday bc i have zero (0) self control and so. so. so many thoughts abt them

#vashwood #trigun #trigun maximum #vash the stampede #nicolas d wolfwood #mine #wip #lmao ngl this looks like it could be done but it is not!!!! it is not :3c #please join me on my journey of creating more and more elaborate merch #where the setup and trying to vizualize how the pieces should fit make my head hurt 🤯#(but yes this will be a charm and it has multiple parts and i really hope it comes out like i planned it to)#merch stuff #actually my caption is a lie i have SO much self control #because this much? this is me holding back #i want to draw SO MUCH of them i want to read fanfic i want to rewatch tristamp and finish the 98 anime and finish the manga #i wanna admire other ppl's fanart and cosplays and theory vids and edits and everything just everything.#but NO. i live in a capitalist society and i have to WORK. I HAVE DEADLINES 😭😭😭

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kanansdume · 24 days

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I've recently been watching these very interesting Star Wars video essays on YouTube (yeah I know, a rare breed) and it brings up these comments Lucas has made about how he views Star Wars as almost like a silent film in terms of how important the visuals are to him in comparison to the dialogue. But this essay also points out how important Lucas finds all of the "rhyming" moments in his trilogies and the way he utilizes them to remind you of something else for emotional or thematic reasons. And there's so many of them, both in visuals and in dialogue, and it's interesting to consider how important this is to him, the repetition for a purpose as well as the storytelling through visuals above everything else and then to look at Star Wars since the Prequels came out and realize how little has really been able to match up to those ideals since then.

The ONLY thing that's come out since the Prequels that I think really hits these two things the same way is, in fact, Andor. One of the things I noticed about the way people discussed Andor as it was airing in a way I haven't really seen for any of the other shows or films was the visual SYMBOLOGY. So many times I saw people noticing the Imperial cog everywhere, from the aerial shot of Narkina 5 as the prisoners escape to the architecture of Mon Mothma's house. There were people picking up on the use of items in Luthen's shop that are familiar from other things to give this idea that Luthen is from another time, he's attempting to preserve this world he lost, that if you're not looking closely enough you won't notice what he's really saying or doing with this shop. The color choices for the different locations and people got analyzed because the people involved spoke about how they intentionally utilized color to SEND A MESSAGE about the characters and the world. We know that the people who made the costumes and sets really worked hard to treat Star Wars almost like a period drama and study the history of the franchise as if it were a real place so that the things they came up with felt like they belonged in this world everyone knows so well even if it's completely new. And of course there were all of the myriad references to things from Rogue One, the constant repetition of "climb", the sunset on the beach, etc.

Nearly EVERY SHOT in this show was created with so much intention behind it in order to say something meaningful about the characters, the world, this specific story they're in, and the overall saga of Star Wars itself. It's insane how much greater impact this show was able to achieve through the incredibly careful usage of visual symbols and thematic repetitions, much like Lucas did before them. It feels like they didn't just study the history of the galaxy far far away, but they studied the history of STAR WARS and what Lucas was trying to do and say with this story. They peeled back his onion a bit more and were able to create something that really has that same visual feel even when it's not created for a child audience. It also is experimenting with its narrative style through its structure and through Cassian's character being allowed to be somewhat more reactive than proactive, and while that didn't work for everyone, it does feel like it's following in Lucas's footsteps of experimentation through Star Wars. Push the boundaries of what Star Wars is and can be and what you can say with it.

But this only works because they peeled the onion back enough to TRULY understand all of the messages Lucas was sending with it. They got the heart of Star Wars and despite its lack of space wizards, despite the lack of most major characters in the Saga, this was a show that honestly got the message more than just about anything else Star Wars has put out since the Prequels. The choices between selflessness and selfishness, the themes about how you always HAVE to make a choice even when it feels like you don't have any (sometimes ESPECIALLY when it feels like you don't have any), and how important it is to make sure to choose the path of compassion above everything else. The themes of connection to others, the symbiotic circle and the impact even the smallest person can have on world around them, it's RIGHT THERE and it's CENTRAL to Andor's storyline.

So yes, it experiments a little with narrative structure, but it's possibly the most Star Wars thing to exist Revenge of the Sith because it honestly truly GETS what Star Wars was about, both in its themes and in its filmmaking. A lot of people said that Andor didn't feel like Star Wars to them, usually because of the lack of space wizards and the fact that it's not a story aimed at children. But to me, Andor is EXACTLY what Star Wars is and has always been. They're stretching the boundaries of what Star Wars can be, but it's saying the exact same things Star Wars has always said, it's just saying it slightly differently. This doesn't feel like fanfiction to me, not really. Unlike things like the Mandoverse or the books, Andor isn't just taking some of the toys out of the sandbox and going to play with them somewhere else. Andor is IN that sandbox. It's building a slightly different sandcastle, but it's still within the sandbox, using the same sand that Lucas did.

#star wars #andor #star wars andor #i GET why some people feel like andor isn't star wars #but quite honestly that feels like not just a superficial reading of andor but a superficial reading of star wars as a whole #the only other show to come anywhere near andor's level was the obi-wan kenobi show #there's tons of visuals that are intended to link back to both the pt and the ot #from obi-wan and leia's costumes to things like the fire obi-wan is burned in and that flashback scene #i'm placing andor above owk still because i think andor takes it an extra level higher but owk is also in that sandbox #owk just got stuck with the fucking volume and the disadvantage of going from a movie to a miniseries #but it did far better with those disadvantages than just about anyone else and still told a VERY star wars style story #the fact that it feels like the prequels is exactly why everyone hated it #and it's exactly why i loved it and think it's the 2nd best thing to come out of star wars since rots #i'll give 3rd place to rebels since it tries once or twice to do some visual and dialogue repetition #but those kinds of things aren't something i see analyzed about rebels all that much tbh #everything else is just fanfic that made a profit #some of it is really BAD fanfic that thinks a cameo is the same as a visual motif. it's not. they suck. stop doing them.

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magicpiano · 1 year

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I often see people making posts looking for beta readers and getting no responses, and I think I think a big reason for that is just not providing enough information. So here is some advice of things you should mention in your post:

The rating (and maybe why it has that rating)

Any relevant content warnings

The main pairings, relationships, or characters

The (estimated) length! Committing to betaing a 5k work is very different from committing to a 20k one

If you have a deadline you need to work posted by (like if the story is for an event or a holiday, ect.)

What type of help you are looking for. Do you just want a spelling/grammar check, or are you looking for someone to brainstorm with and point out plot holes?

Maybe just a small summary of what the work is about. It doesn't need to be the fleshed out thing you put in ao3, but a short "coffee shop AU" or "season 2 ending fix it" goes a long way in letting a potential beta know what they are signing up for.

I understand the desire to keep your wips a secret till they are posted, but if you can't find a beta, this is probably why. Many times someone would be willing to beta, but doesn't want to offer because they don't know the above and would feel weird backing out after agreeing, so they just don't say anything.

Finally, remember the person on the other side of the screen is a human being. You are not owed help, they are doing you a favor so be polite.

(Please feel free to add more advice!)

#beta request #beta reader #writblr #fanfic writing #guides #writing tips #this is by no means an exhaustive list but SOMEONE had to say something about this #the amount of beta request posts i see that say literally nothing then get MAD when no one responds is crazy #like idk maybe think for a moment about what info you would want to know before agreeing to something #then like write that in your post #this applies to discord requests too!!#Seriously though please add more tips on finding a beta #i don't know everything this is just from my personal experience #because this is tumblr someone is probably going to hate me for this post somehow but whatever #my posts

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robots-are-kinda-hot · 7 months

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New romantic Sans AU entourage x reader idea (under the cut, ‘cause it’s a little long):

Reader is something similar to a creator. They’re all powerful and like to watch over their carefully crafted “canon” multiverse that they made themselves, pouring over each original ‘Verse to create the perfect Multiverse (in their eyes, at least). I’d imagine the area they reside in is similar to the void. They could interact with their Multiverse if they wanted to, but that would ruin the “canon” to them.

Something happens, and our dear Reader is thrown into a fanon Multiverse. They are stripped of nearly all of their powers, except perhaps the ability to travel AUs.

Throughout the fic, they meet all the major fanon dimension-altering sanses and slowly start to become more open to fanon. Basically going from a Miguel O’ Hara mindset to starting to like these fanon skeletons.

Unfortunately for the Fanon skeletons, Reader can’t tell if something is romantic. Ever. So even if anyone (even Reader) catches feelings, Reader doesn’t ever get to know, because they eventually get their powers back just before anything romantic can happen in the Fanon Multiverse. They say their goodbyes to all the skeletons they met along the way, and go back to their “Canon” Multiverse.

Reader’s change of heart causes them to change a few things in their Multiverse- mending things that they had unintentionally broken with their iron fist (bringing back the real Nightmare, mending a little bit of Error’s broken mind, basically “undooming” characters from the narrative.) and actually going down to meet their skeletons, face to face. They don’t magically remove everyone’s trauma- just make it possible for them to change for the better.

Now, Reader can either stay here and develop feelings for the canon-adjacent sanses, go back to the Fanon Multiverse and do the same, or go back and forth. Your choice.

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blueberryspyder · 1 month

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The worst thing about getting into a fandom long after the source material has ended is that you literally cannot look for fanfiction EVER because it’s ALL SPOILERS

#catch me out here flipping my desk over because I can’t read Rusty Quil Gaming fanfic #i can’t always listen to podcasts! as much as I want to!#but I have no supplemental content in the mean time that won’t spoil it!!#so instead I’m stuck in my own head making a self insert like the dork ass loser I am #I’ve drawn art and everything #screams in agony #rusty quil gaming #RQG #if anyone in the fandom sees this please talk to me I have no one to talk to about this LOL #I’m SUFFERING #captain's log

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murasaki-cha · 9 months

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So instead of finishing my oneshot I instead drew the outfit Cale will be wearing there

#the hair s done by on btw #i went with greens because this man suits everything and i don't think we've ever seen him wear green #tcf #trash of the count's family #lcf #lout of the count’s family #cale henituse #tcf fanart #tcf fanfic

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nientedal · 2 months

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On Constructive Criticism.

Hey friends. You ever want to leave a critique on a fic, and the author says they like constructive criticism/"concrit," but then you leave your critique and you try to make it complimentary but the author still seems less than thrilled with you? You may have missed the point of "constructive!" Don't feel bad, you aren't alone. Took me until I started writing and receiving feedback to really figure it out.

The key to remember is, "constructive" doesn't mean "nice." It doesn't mean phrasing gently, or doing a compliment sandwich (although those are fine things to do as well). "Constructive" feedback is feedback that would make the story as the author has already written it stronger.

"The execution of this character's decision to do XYZ felt a little bit out of nowhere, to me. Was that your intent? It didn't seem like it was meant to be a big twist, either. Maybe some extra foreshadowing would make it stronger, or some shock on the part of the other characters." THAT'S constructive criticism.

This is NOT constructive criticism: "This character doing XYZ thing really doesn't make for as strong a story as it could. I think he should have done NQD thing, instead. That would have been better."

The first example offers some ideas on how to help a character's decision land better when the reader couldn't tell what the author's intent was. It's possible the reader didn't like the decision and that's why they noticed - maybe some foreshadowing would have helped them accept it better, or some indication that it was meant to be shocking would have validated the reader's surprise & displeasure. But, crucially, the reader did not suggest anything that would require a massive rewrite. Some tweaking, sure, maybe the addition of a few paragraphs. But not a change to the character's decision as a whole, the way the second example suggested. The second example does describe something the reader thinks would make for a stronger story...but it is not something that would make THIS story stronger. It is describing a different story than the one the author has already written so far, so it's just plain ol' criticism. Constructive criticism makes the existing story stronger.

That's the difference. You aren't workshopping. You are commenting on something that is already being written, that is already planned to the point where someone is already posting it. There is a BIG DIFFERENCE between workshopping a story and simply giving concrit! Unless the author has specifically asked for workshop-style help, offering things to do differently from what was already written is worse than useless. Don't.

Rule of thumb: if what you're saying can be boiled down to "I think this cake would be better if it was pie," say something else. The cake is not pie. It's not GOING to be pie. I didn't ask what you think I should bake, I put cake on the table and asked what you thought of this cake. Tell me what would make THIS cake better. Not the pie you were thinking of, and not a different cake you might have liked better. THIS CAKE.

#writing #constructive criticism #concrit #fanfic #fandom #@ my fellow authors... it's also important for us to remember that even constructive feedback isn't always right #maybe the reader simply missed the foreshadowing that was there #maybe they just really really hated the character's decision and would have needed way more foreshadowing in order to accept it #but your other readers were fine #take everything with a grain of salt; don't jump to change things just because someone else thinks you should #*is* this how you want to write it? yes? then leave it #it's fine #someone not liking your work doesn't mean you should change it #just like someone getting upset when you say No doesn't mean you should have said Yes

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slashersteve · 2 years

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Just Hold Me

requested by anonymous

pairing: Steve Harrington/Female Reader

summary: Your new nightmares cause you to distance yourself from your boyfriend while he’s still healing from the wounds that could’ve killed him. Steve isn’t going to let you though, and begs you to spend the night with him.

warnings/extra tags: mentions of death, injuries, nightmares/night terrors, angst, comfort, soft and caring steve who's still healing from his own injuries :( , kissing :) , beta read, editted by me and autocorrect

note: this fic is a whole "idc about what happens in v2" because in my hc vecna gets annihilated (again) and doesn't get the chance to murder and traumatize anyone else...at least like...a little... anyway thank you for the request and as always enjoy!

✧ ✧ ✧

You were no stranger to night terrors. Hell, they were all that you had following that night you, Nancy Wheeler, and Jonathan Byers hunted and trapped the demogorgon that terrorized Hawkins in 83 and killed Nancy's best friend Barbara.

The dreams of this over 9 foot tall, inter dimensional creature that had sharp claws and rows, and rows of teeth made the nightmares you’d have before look like child’s play. Mostly because it was real, as the dream of a clown chasing you as a kid with a knife was not, but this creature? It was real, you even had the scar to prove it.

As the years passed, your nightmares would not only get worse but actually expand. You would not only hear the clicking and whistling of a demogorgon crawling through your wall or a demodog hiding in the bushes as you were typically trapped in the middle of the woods in your nightmares but also smell the stench of burnt human flesh and feel the ground shaking beneath you as you ran away from this unstoppable being. That was courtesy of the Mind Flayer last summer, of course.

After going through what you had been through, along with the others, it was just something that you’d have to, not get used to per say, but more so…deal with and work through.

The most common way was to talk to the others about it, share your nightmares and don’t let it bottle up. That’s what you and Steve did, as many times either you or him have woken up in a cold sweat and had to dial the others number to talk to each other. It was always easier if you were next to each other though, so that you could hold him or he could hold you.

And it was a system that worked, up until very recently.

These new nightmares that plagued you were on a different level of horrifying. After experiencing the dimension these creatures came from first-hand, things had taken a turn for the worse mentally (and physically as you were sure you were short of breath more frequently).

They weren't just about being trapped there, and attacked by what you and your friends who were with you elected to call demobats, or about just you getting fatally injured anymore, but rather about...somebody else and that was your boyfriend, Steve Harrington.

You've dreamt of it before, but in the week following your forced adventure to the Upside Down, it was taking a heavy toll on you because it didn't seem very far off from what actually had happened.

One of these dreams always started with you in the water of Lover's Lake, and it's deeper in your dream than it actually was. You're swimming down as fast as you could in total darkness, water filling up your lungs and your body growing heavy with fatigue, but you never stopped in the dream because you knew who you were swimming toward.

Then, you're in the Upside Down, and you can't breathe in the thick, particle filled air of this other world that mirrored yours, and instead of swimming, now you're running.

Except, you're slow, too slow and all you could hear are the horrid, loud screeches of the demobats that are in the cloudy sky above you and circling something in the distance like how vultures might circle a deteriorating animal carcass.

The red flashes of lightning are almost deafening, as if they are hitting right next to you rather than in the distance like they actually had been and you're still running in slow-motion when everything around you is not. Like the being here was teasing you, and...well he was.

You're still running, except now you're a little closer, and that's when you see who you're trying to get to. It's Steve, he's standing there covered in his own blood, and open wounds, swinging an oar to try and get the swarm of demobats away from him.

He's grunting and he is yelling, and it's echoing in your ears. You call out to him, but he doesn't hear you, and then, the swarm engulfs him and you hear a final cry before your gasping awake in your bedroom.

It takes you a moment to realize you're awake, that you're not desperately running to Steve in the Upside Down or that you were drenched in your own sweat rather than the lake water of Lover's Lake.

For a few seconds, you still hear Steve's shout of pain, echoing in your mind. When the echo is gone, and you realize you're on your own bed in the darkness of your room, you're hyperventilating and trying to catch your breath as tears streamed down your cheeks.

You don't fall asleep again, and rather stay sitting up, hugging your knees in your chest and crying until the sun begins to peak through the sheer curtains of your bedroom window.

✧ ✧ ✧

Steve was excused from his job at Hawkins Family Video because of his injuries that nearly killed him in the Upside Down and after, and because of this, you had taken up most of his shifts since you weren't a high schooler like Robin was.

For the first few days of his medical leave, you would spend everyday with him after you clocked out, even when you had a closing shift past midnight.

Recently though, you stopped doing it.

The first night you didn't go over when he knew your shift was over, he called Family Video asking where you were. Robin had been the one to answer, and had told him you left hours ago.

It was stupid of you to disappear like that without warning, you knew that, especially since what happened only over a week ago when Vecna was killing teens left and right. You scared them, you scared him, but a single phone call that night assured Steve you were okay, that you were just tired of the long shifts and needed a night to recharge and promised to tell him next time.

He understood of course, and it only made you feel bad because the real reason was every time you looked at him, you could only think of your nightmares. Every time your eyes caught the bandages around his abdomen or the still visible bruising around his neck, you felt like you couldn't breathe again.

It was worse when he'd ask you to help him switch the bandage out. His wounds simply scared you, and so did the small sounds of pain when you had to take the bloody gauze pad off to exchange for a new one. Your body would freeze over, and then...you would find a reason to leave.

After a second time of not going to visit him again, you felt bad about leaving him alone, so you asked Robin if she could go see him for you.

"I don't think I'm the one he wants to see, but if that's what you want then alright," Robin told you, "Are you okay, though? I mean...I don't see how any of us can be okay after all that...but..."

"Yeah, I'm as okay as I can be," you lied with a convincing smile, "My mom just needs me home tonight since I've been at his place all last week, could you tell him that?"

Robin stared at you for a long moment, as if she could see right through you.

"Hey," she started, "We're all friends here who experienced all that...shit, I just...want to remind you that. If something's wrong then you know it makes sense for us to talk and help each other."

You knew that, you always have and considering how Vecna took and manipulated his victims, keeping things in like this was not a great idea, and yet, you were keen on keeping it to yourself for now.

"I'm okay, Robin," you told her as you were pulling out the headphones to your walkman and putting them over your head, "Tell Steve that too, please?"

You didn't wait for an answer, already turning your music on and giving her a thumbs up.

Had you not turned your music on, you would've heard Robin's skeptical response.

"Sure, I'll lie to him for you," Robin had said before watching you walk out through the front door to go on your lunch break.

Robin visited Steve that night, and then the night after that, and then the morning after that, but this time with Dustin at her side.

Steve was sitting in bed when they came barging in, and for a moment, his eyes had lit up because he was sure you would be one of them, but when he saw Robin (again) and then Dustin and his dumb hat, Steve didn't hide his disappointment even though they had bags of food and more movies for him to keep himself occupied today.

"You guys again?" he asked.

"Hey, it's my first time coming to visit you since last week," Dustin proclaimed, offended by such a question and Robin pat his head.

"It's not you Henderson, it's me he's so excited to see again," Robin told the kid.

Dustin raised a curious brow, and asked why Robin was the one seeing him the past few days and not you. Robin shrugged and crossed her arms while Steve frowned deeply.

"She coming tonight?" Steve asked Robin, and she shrugged to him this time in response as she sat on the end of his bed and Dustin moved to set down the bags of things on the desk in Steve's room.

Steve shook his head and flipped the covers off of him when Dustin turned and grimaced.

"Dude put some pants on, there's a girl here," Dustin told him with disgust, to which Steve gave him a look because he was literally wearing boxer shorts. It wasn't good or respectful enough for Dustin, who grasped some folded, freshly washed sweatpants that were stacked on top of other folded clothes on his desk chair and tossed it at Steve.

It hit him in the chest, and Robin had let out a short laugh as she fell backwards onto his bed. Her head knocked into something hard, and she raised a brow as she stuck her hand under her head and realized she had hit her head on a book.

Steve slowly put the sweats on as he asked again for clarification, "So she isn't coming today?"

"Based on her track record the past few days, I would say don't count on it," Robin replied to him as she stared up at the book, and he scowled.

He couldn't help but be agitated that his own girlfriend was very clearly avoiding him.

At the sight of Steve's graveling, Dustin huffed and said, "It's only been a few days Steve, you'll survive, I mean, I can't even see Suzie because we're states apart."

Steve rested his unamused expression on Dustin while he pushed his messy strands of hair out of his face and said, "Henderson, you chose to date a girl who lived in Utah, and it's not just that, something's wrong, she wouldn't just stop coming to see me..."

"Maybe she's just tired of playing nurse, I know I would be," Robin said as she set the book aside, and it was her turn to get Steve's unamused glare, she cringed and said, "It's only a joke, but yeah I would say something's up."

Dustin had moved the clothes off the desk chair and sat down, and said, "Well, it has just been a week since Vecna, so maybe she just needs some space mentally."

Steve looked at Dustin for a moment, before his eyes fell down.

You were distancing yourself, that much was obvious, but the reasoning for it wasn't as obvious to Steve. He knew it wasn't out of malicious intent and that was reassuring, but he knew it wasn't for a good reason either.

He missed you, a lot, even though it's only been a few days like Dustin said. Being home all of the time on bed rest was boring, and left him alone with his thoughts for too long. His highlight the past week was you showing up to brighten his dull days spent in his room, talking to him, kissing him, and overall just being there.

Really though, he wanted you here to see that you were okay rather than you sending others to tell him that you were when everyone knew you weren't.

"She still look tired?" Steve suddenly asked Robin, and she nodded.

"No more than the rest of us, honestly, but more tired than she usually looks," she replied, leaning on one hand to look at Steve sympathetically.

Everyone was quiet, as they too weren't strangers to a loss of sleep due to the terrifying experiences they've all had and up until now, it just wasn't as scary as before considering one of Vecna's curse symptoms was loss of sleep. He was gone now though, as far as they knew, so it wasn't that. Something else was wrong, and Steve just needed and wanted to see you.

And thankfully, Robin and Dustin were on his side with this one.

Because of Steve's gloomy demeanor, Robin held up the book and said jokingly, "Have you been so bored without her that you started to read? I didn't even know you could."

His head snapped towards her, seeing the book you had given him back when he was in the hospital to try and keep him busy when you couldn't be there due to the strict visiting hours.

"It's another joke, god, we'll get your girlfriend over here so you can get that sense of humor back," Robin said, while Dustin laughed himself. Steve shook his head, but a small smile grew on his lips regardless.

That afternoon you were restocking videos on a shift with Keith when Robin and Dustin approached you.

You knew Robin had gone to see Steve, so when you saw their concerned expressions and considered the fact they were coming to you in the middle of your shift, you automatically assumed the worst.

"Why do you guys look so upset? Is it Steve? Is he okay?" you asked the both of them almost frantically. Dustin waved his hand side to side.

"No, no Steve's o-"

"Here's an idea," Robin cut Dustin off before he could assure you Steve was okay, physically at least, "Why don't you go down there and see for yourself if he's okay."

It wasn't condescending at all when she told you that, but your heart fell like it was, like she was insulting your ability to be a good girlfriend to her best friend.

Dustin cleared his throat when he saw your torn expression and added, "He misses you, I mean, he always does even before this, which I don't see why since he used to see you everyday here..."

There was this ongoing feud between him and Dustin about Dustin believing Steve had no right to miss you after a few days or even hours that you were reminded of again. It made you want to smile.

"You should probably go see him, it was really depressing this morning," Dustin finished, making your almost smile completely vanish and be re-replaced by the same frown that's been on your face since your night terrors began.

"Look," Robin started, "Henderson is right on the money here, he doesn't want to see me, or him, or anybody else, he wants to see you, so tonight, go see him, even if just for a bit."

You inhaled deeply, but didn't say anything as you slowly began to continue shelving the tapes before Keith told you something.

Dustin and Robin looked at each other, and now he sighed, "I'm just saying, whatever is going on with you, he's probably going through the same thing, and being apart isn't helping you or him. Remember, all we have is each other, isn't that what you said a couple years ago?"

You snapped your head toward Dustin because he was right. You did say that once, after you, him, Steve, Max, and Lucas were almost killed by a bunch of demodogs. You had said it when Dustin and Lucas were arguing about who betrayed the party when you were walking in the woods, and they decided to forgive each other.

You can't believe he remembered that, but you could believe he used it to make you feel even worse about not seeing Steve. Your boyfriend's unofficial little brother was too smart at his age, you were sure of it.

They could tell by the look in your eyes that you were convinced to see Steve tonight, and when you turned around, Robin and Dustin lightly high-fived.

✧ ✧ ✧

Your shift ended just after 10 pm, and even after Robin and Dustin left, you knew you were going to force yourself to go see Steve. It was easy during work, as you could preoccupy your thoughts with helping someone find the right movie, taking out the trash, helping Keith with the returns, but when you were alone in your car, you felt that same anxiety wash over you, the kind that made your skin feel cold and your hands feel tingly and uncomfortable.

It was just Steve, your handsome boyfriend of 2 and a half years now, someone that you loved and could see yourself being with for the rest of your life if he would have you, you loved him, he was okay- injured yes, but okay.

And your nightmares were exactly what they were, nightmares, and you shouldn't let them keep you from him, not after Vecna tried to isolate Max from you guys.

When you finally made it to Steve's house, he was sitting in bed still with a book in his hands. It was the book you'd brought to him when he was still in the hospital because he needed something to do when you weren't there. He wasn't that big of a reader, but you told him to try anyways for you.

It was nice to see that he was, even though he hadn't even made it halfway through. Still, he must've been engrossed in it if he didn't even hear his door being open. He was even wearing reading glasses, and it made you smile softly.

You hadn’t seen him for a while so you took a moment to admire your boyfriend like you always did. You first let your eyes scan over his messy hair. He hasn’t been styling it because he had no reason to as of late, so his thick hair was sticking up in various directions. He was shirtless too and wearing those gray sweatpants of his.

Your eyes rested on his chest, admiring the chest hair there for longer than normal before your eyes fell to the bandage wrapped around his abdomen. That's when your smile began to falter, and the anxiety returned.

You had inhaled sharply, capturing Steve's attention finally. His eyes snapped upward, and his face instantly lit up at the sight of you.

"You're here!" he said, closing and practically tossing the book onto his nightstand and tearing off the reading glasses he didn't realize he needed until he started to read again.

Despite the anxiety bubbling in your stomach and chest, you still found yourself smiling at his excitement to see you.

"If you didn't come today, I was going to defy the doctor's orders and drive to your house," Steve admitted to you as he sat more up. He clenched his teeth then, and you knew the simple movement had hurt him, resulting in your own chest hurting too.

"I'm sorry I haven't been coming around," you said truthfully, "All the extra shifts Keith puts me on have been exhausting."

You stepped further into the room, but didn't move close enough to kiss Steve like you always did. Instead, you stayed a good few feet away from him, your eyes scanning over the untouched stacks of movies you knew Robin and Dustin had brought him.

"I promise when I'm healed I'll make it up to you," Steve told you, you hummed in response, but didn't say much else. Steve stared at the side of your face with a frown on his lips, as he expected you to sit beside him or at least get closer to him.

"Hey," Steve called, making you look at him and he pat the spot beside him, "Come here."

You hesitated, eyes flashing from the space beside him and back at him. He noticed your eyes passing over his bandages, and he grinned at you softly, "You're not going to hurt me if you sit next to me, I promise. I'm not that fragile."

You pressed your lips together, and slowly went to sit beside Steve, sitting farther from him than he had wanted you to. Steve exhaled softly and moved closer to you, raising both of his brows questionably.

"Are you sure it's just the extra shifts?" he asked you, and you nodded in response.

"Yeah, it's a lot," you replied, half-lying and half telling the truth, "I also thought you'd like a change from just seeing me."

Steve scoffed, "You think I want to see Robin and Dustin every day rather than my own girlfriend?"

You giggled then and Steve laughed too, then settled his eyes back on you, and told you, "I don't mean to be...that guy...but...I haven't seen you in a few days and I want to kiss you so bad." That made you laugh again, so you leaned in to peck him gently on the lips.

It wasn't enough for Steve though, as you felt his hand reach up to gently grasp the back of your neck and pull you toward him again. His lips met yours in a tender kiss.

Your initial concerns faded away as he kissed you, as you were reminded in this moment of how good of a kisser your boyfriend was. His lips expertly sliding against yours, and the gentle swipe of his tongue over your bottom lip that made you putty in his hands making you realize how much you've missed kissing him too.

You tilted your head, giving him more access to your lips. Steve chuckled softly when you did so, and released your lips to say, "I guess I'm making those extra shifts up to you right now."

You licked your own lips, and simply leaned in to kiss him again in response. Steve smiled before returning your kiss, this time slipping his tongue in between your lips.

You fell forward then, and just as his tongue met yours, he suddenly grunted in pain. You immediately stopped, and snapped your eyes open and saw Steve's face was in a slight wince.

"Sorry," he told you, and your eyes widened as you leaned away from him realizing in your stupor you had touched his sides, "It wasn't you, I just turned awkwardly-"

"I-I think I have to go," you said suddenly, feeling guilty for having hurt him even though he said it wasn't you who did it. You still felt like you caused it.

Steve frowned, "No, don't- don't go, at least not yet- you barely got here."

"I know and I'm sorry, Steve," you were already trying to stand but Steve caught you, his brown eyes growing sad, and you said regretfully, "It's late Steve."

"I know but, I was thinking you could spend the night," Steve suggested, and a wave of fear washed over you, not sure if that was possible without having your reoccurring nightmare, "Come on...I've been alone all day and...honestly I don't want to be alone tonight."

You thought about all the nights you've spent gasping awake from your nightmares, how you would sit alone in the darkness of your room and found that it was the same for you. Maybe actually being with Steve was the cure to them, rather than the cause.

"Yeah...I don't want to be alone either," you admitted to him, and Steve smiled weakly at you before he pulled you back on the bed with him, except this time you didn't let him pull you closer or coax you into another heated kiss much to his dismay.

Rather, you laid beside him, keeping your attention on the movie you had put on in the TV in his room. You ended up falling asleep though, your eyes fluttering shut about halfway through the film.

For the first few seconds, your subconscious was blissfully quiet, and peaceful, giving you the impression that tonight would be the first night you didn't have that night terror...well...until you heard a splash of water and a loud crack of lightning.

Steve was laying beside your sleeping figure, his eyes starting to flutter shut and join you in sleep when suddenly the bed jolted underneath him. His tired eyes snapped open, and he thought maybe he had one of those jerks or something that tend to happen before people fall asleep and they feel like they're falling, but when it happened again and a quiet whimper that he didn't make followed it, Steve knew that wasn't it.

Rubbing his eyes, he turned his head to look at you. You were laying on your side facing him. You jerked again, waking Steve up even more, and he sat up to get a better look at you.

From the light of the television that reflected on you, he could see your troubled expression. Your face was contorted, eyebrows taunt and your lips were parted. Very obviously you were dreaming, and he was willing to bet it wasn't a good one.

"Hey, babe," Steve tried, reaching one hand over to you to gently rest on your shoulder. You shook away from him, quick paced breaths releasing through your parted lips as one would when they were on a run. Steve's stomach dropped, and he ignored the pain in his healing wounds as he turned his whole body toward you, trying to shake you awake.

As he, Dustin, and Robin figured, you were suffering from nightmares, and the content of them could've been anything, but at this moment Steve just wanted to make you wake up, especially when tears began to squeeze out of your eyes and your fast breaths turned into quiet cries.

"Hey! Wake up! You're having a nightmare!" he said louder, and finally your eyes snapped open and you were gasping loudly as you jolted upward without warning. Steve had even released you as you were suddenly sitting up, hands moving over your face as you cried into them due to your night terror.

Steve sighed out of relief though that he managed to get you awake, and then he said, "Hey- hey come here, it was just a nightmare-" His hand touched your shoulder blade affectionately.

Upon hearing his voice and feeling his gentle touch on your back, you were pulled back into reality faster than the other time's you've woken up from your dream. Your breaths slowed down, and Steve gently scooted toward you, wrapping his arm fully around you as he told you quietly, "It's alright, it was just a nightmare-"

You leaned into Steve, your quiet cries turning into sobs as you sought comfort in his warm embrace, something that you didn't have these past nights and was actually depriving yourself of.

Steve held you then, letting you press your head against his chest to listen to his beating heart and the pain that he typically with every moment seemed to have subsided so that he could continue holding you.

"It's alright," he told you again softly, "I'm right here, it was just a dream...just a bad dream."

Steve didn't even know the content of your nightmares, that you were dreaming of losing him in the Upside Down, but he somehow knew it was exactly what you needed to hear. You nodded against him, nuzzling your face into his chest and taking his presence in.

After a moment of sitting here with him like this, Steve asked if you wanted to talk about it.

Your voice was hoarse as you told him not yet, but promisied you would tell him all about it later as you now realized it was something you needed to talk about in order to get through.

Steve accepted your response, knowing that you would tell him perhaps in the morning, and he asked, "Is there anything I can do right now?"

You inhaled deeply, taking in his unique scent, and replied softly, "Just keep holding me, Steve, please."

And he did.

He held you tightly against him, up until your heart calmed down and your body stopped trembling, up until you started to drift off to sleep again, which was something you couldn't do when you were alone and without him.

You don’t remember if the nightmare happened again when you fell asleep, but what you do remember is waking up still in Steve’s warm embrace with the sun barely peeking through the curtains of his window and then kissing Steve awake.

#the way this title has me sobbing #and me and this imagine almost threw hands because tumblr kept crashing and deleting everything :)))))#steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x you #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington #stranger things imagines #stranger things #reader insert #female reader #imagines #stranger things x reader #stranger things fanfic #lys writes again

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