#bc like i used to be an addict but not alcoholic. i HATED alcohol. would take a hit of anything to keep me going but never ever enjoyed

[tigertofu]

ok i've been chipping away at this Thing for a long time and i think it's finally ready to be vomitted out into the internet. without further ado, here is my

Stupid-Long List of Trevor Headcanons

divided into chronological sections !

((the NSFW shit is hiding at the bottom))

CW's for: mentions of drugs/alcohol, addiction, cannibalism, violence, gross sex stuff. typical Trevor things

and heres a gif of him cuz ig thats the tumblr thing to do idk i never made one of these lists b4 :x

the past

• he's a scorpio and the reason he has a scorpion tat on his hand is bc he's like. very mildly into horoscopes. he was born some time in november

• he doesn't have a middle name cuz his mom didn't give enough of a shit to give him one

• despite playing hockey and golf as a kid, he was never really that into the sports themselves. he only did hockey because he saw it as a way to beat up other children and not get reprimanded for it, and he did both in the hopes of being good enough at something to earn his mother's praise for once (it did not work :()

• hates his dad bc of how he treated his mom and is glad he abandoned him at that shopping mall when he was a kid

• he (w/ Brad's help) would play "pranks" on (aka BULLY) poor Lester during the north yankton days. some fav pastimes included (but were not limited to): pantsing him, hiding his walking cane, and replacing his asthma medication with laughing gas

• was highkey jealous of how easy Michael could get girls during the north yankton days. when he actually was able to convince a girl to come back home with him, he would make sure to be loud as hell about it so that Mike would know he wasn't the only one getting chicks

• all of his hand tats and a lot of his other tats were done in prison, even tho he was only in for like 6 months

• prison was a mixed bag for him. on one hand, anal. on the other, having to restrain himself from arguments and physical altercations so he could get out early on good behavior

• went thru a breakdancing phase in the 90's (i THINK this one might be canon. idk. could've sworn i've heard him try to tell Lamar this in an attempt to impress him. pls feel free to prove me wrong or right)

• one of the scars on his eyebrows is actually the result of getting a fresh eyebrow piercing ripped tf out during a barfight in the 00's. prob for the best that it was cuz we all know that shit wouldve ended up getting infected and rejecting out of his face anyways

• he moved to Sandy Shores not just because it's nice and isolated, but because it was the place most opposite of north yankton he could think of. never any snow. he absolutely fucking hates cold weather and snow because it reminds him of a certain bank heist that happened in '04

• between Ron, Chef, and Wade, Chef was the first one he met after moving to Sandy Shores. they used to cook meth together in a trailer out in the desert (another one that i THINK is canon but im not sure idk. it all blurs together, idk whats canon and whats not anymore, my brain is too rotted from spinning Trevor around in it like the world's most dried out little shriveled husk of a rotisserie chicken for the past three years, the fog is coming, yk how it is)

• he acquired Liquor Ace the same way he "acquired" the Vanilla Unicorn. the previous owner just mysteriously disappeared one day. nobody in Sandy Shores cared tho once word got around that the new owner was gonna start cooking crystal in the upstairs and selling it

• yk how in the game he said that his heart momentarily stopped once cuz he put an axe thru a power cable? he did that cuz the power had gone out in the middle of him watching an Impotent Rage episode he hadn't seen yet. for some reason (was prob very high and very angry) he thought that he could bring the power back by hitting the sparking wire with an axe. it didnt work. he smelled like overcooked bacon for a week afterwards. he enjoyed that part tho

the present

• he makes Ron cut his hair with a pair of rusty kitchen scissors when he needs a trim. he used to go to the nice barber lady in Sandy Shores but got banned after loudly moaning about how good her nails felt on his scalp once

• once smoked an entire cigarette in one long inhale. Wade witnessed this and found it extremely impressive

• he'll eat pretty much anything but he especially likes foods with strong flavors. salty, sour, super sweet, spicy, etc cuz his taste buds are SHOT from the years of smoking/drug abuse. he abuses condiments, especially hot sauce

• thinks that any restaurant that doesn't have a drive-thru is a "fancy" restaurant

• LOVES candy cuz the meth has given him a major sweet tooth, but prefers anything with chocolate over fruity/gummy candies

• has a weird fascination with eating raw meat.....of any kind. except for sushi. he thinks sushi is "fancy prissy city people food"

• also has a weird fascination with making stews/soups similar to the eyelid one that he tries to feed Michael in that one cutscene. it's the only type of food he knows how to cook. may be a comfort thing for him because microwaving a bowl of canned soup was the most effort his mother ever put into making a meal for him when he was a kid. and she did it like, twice, maybe. he for sure remembers both times very clearly tho and considers them to be some of his fondest memories

• will go for days without eating anything solid before finally sitting down and consuming enough food to feed a family of 5. sometimes he just like. forgets that eating is necessary for survival

• can open beer bottles with his teeth. between that and the meth habit, its an absolute miracle he still has all his teeth

• go-to pizza order is a large meat lover's. he tries to make vaguely sexual passes about "loving large meat" at the poor pizza delivery guys every time he orders delivery. does not tip, but will say shit like "hey, if you come inside i've got a little tip for ya" while the delivery guy quickly vacates the premises

• honestly? i think there is a good 50/50 chance on whether or not he is ACTUALLY a cannibal. maybe he posters as one cuz he likes the reactions it incites, maybe he genuinely enjoys the psychosexual intimacy of consuming the flesh of another human being........ who knows !! not knowing is half the fun :)

• ok ok hear me out u know that stupid tiktok sound that was going around a couple years ago that goes "hi my name is carmen winstead -- HAAAAAHHHGGCHH" ??? look it up if u don't cuz that's what his snoring sounds like. the fucking "HAAAAAHHHGGCHH"

• once he's asleep he is out like a fucking light. guy could sleep thru nuclear war

• is not opposed to drinking hand sanitizer when out of other sources of alcohol. it tastes just like the shitty moonshine Ron makes in his backyard anyways and gets him even drunker so why not !

• hates horror films bc they make him angry. at least, any of the ones where somebody survives at the end. thinks the murderers in them are stupid. starts yelling shit at the TV like "HE'S GETTING AWAY YOU STUPID FUCK,, WHAT ARE YOU DOING !!!!"

• believes baby pink and orange are "his colors"

• will sit on his sofa or bed and try to shoot any cockroaches scurrying around his place with a pistol for funsies when bored sometimes

• enjoys playing darts at the Yellow Jack with anyone who'll play him but absolutely fucking sucks at it cuz of his shaky hands. accidentally threw a dart into another bar patron's head once. will rage and insist his opponent cheated when he loses. will then get physical if anyone tries to tell him its impossible to cheat at darts. is much less of a sore loser when playing with Mike, Frank, or Lamar tho he will still grumble about losing for up to hours on end afterwards

• is an illegal immigrant bc he never became a US citizen. does not own an actual ID, but has several fakes lying around, all with fake birth dates and fake names that are wildly varying levels of believable

• will absolutely flip his fucking lid if Wade comes around him while wearing Juggalo face paint

• speaking of Wade. yk how he has a shitty tattoo of his own name on his arm? (at least i think he does. i tried looking to see if he does and i couldnt tell so now im unsure if thats just yet another detail that my brain completely made up or smth that i actually saw). ANYWAYS, Trevor gave it to him (stick n poke. it was a longggg process but Wade didnt mind too much cuz he was high at the time and consented to it beforehands anyways) when Trevor first "took him in" cuz he kept forgetting his name and got tired of referring to him as "Hey, you" (which Wade did not respond to most of the time anyways)

• is an ugly crier. like, a butt-ugly crier. snot, drooling, wailing, red face, the whole nine yards and he is loud as hell about it too

• loves back rubs cuz ofc he does he's an old man. often makes Ron or Wade give him massages

• his boomer-ass super-zoomed-in LifeInvader profile pic was taken by Ron. it took them a dozen tries before they got it

nsfw

• he sucks at eating out.........kinda? but what he lacks in precision and consistency he makes up for with sheer (sloppy. slobbery) passion. and endurance. can stay down there (and will, if you let him) for hours

• is not much better at blowing. "accidentally" uses too much teeth every time

• ~4 inches. MAYBE 4.5. good girth tho. not cut

• has a thing for chubby/thicc ppl

• is a biter and won't ask before biting so uhh watch out ! part of the reason for the above is bc there's more to bite

• loooooves loves loves to suck on things. fingers, necks, tits, dicks, anything. also looooooves having it reciprocated. particularly likes shoving his fingers in your mouth

• loves to involve mouths as much as possible. spitting/being spat on, the aforementioned biting as well as being bitten, eating food off of your body or having food eaten off of him, the type of makeout sessions that involve shoving each other's tongues down each other's throats.. anything that involves mouths and/or the motions of eating drives him fucking wild

• will beg you even when not explicitly told to when he's not feeling dominant. will beg and beg and beg and beg and it's hot but can also quickly become incredibly annoying

• but he LOVES to be annoying on purpose too. via the begging, or by teasing/edging, mocking, etc. loves to get a rise out of you and loves the attention (even if negative.. ESPECIALLY if negative) it gets him

• occasionally cries after sex. will expect you to hold him while he does. will start to angry cry and say you don't actually love him if you refuse

• now ik this one is nothing groundbreaking and seems to already be the general consensus amongst the Trevor enjoyers but im gonna say it anyways. he def has a thing for public/semi-public sex. be careful about sitting next to him while in any public space. he WILL try to touch on you and it WILL be in a way that makes it obvious to everyone in the immediate vicinity what's going on. does he do it on purpose as an exhibition thing? maybe...... does he genuinely think he's being slick about it? also maybe. if ur with him, expect to be banned from multiple establishments

• lowkey has a breeding kink in the sense that he loves to finish inside (not just bc it feels nice but also bc of the intimacy of it) and thinks that pregnant women are hot as hell

• is most likely infertile due to the years of meth use tho

• loves to both overstimulate and be overstimulated. just bc you've both climaxed doesnt mean he wont keep going for god-knows-how-long

..................andd that's all she (i) wrote. ty for reading !! i've got more shit to say about Trevor cuz ofc i do but this is already like 2k words so if u wanna hear my headcanons on anything specific at all,, pls do throw it in my ask box ! <33

#trevor philips #trevor philips headcanons #gta v #trevor philips/reader #trevor philipsxreader #gtav #gta 5 #gta5 #gtav headcanons #gta headcanons #headcanons

[genadelikesships1233]

Before i go to be some Good omens HC.

When freddy mercury passed away, Crowley was inconsolable and took a year long nap that Aziraphale had to wake him up from.

To add to the FM HC. Crowley would rant to freddy about Aziraphale and his love for him inspiring. "Somebody to love and Good old fashioned lover boy"

When Aziraphale gave Crowley the holy water, he went home and cried for hours truly thinking Crowley would kill himself.

Nina and Maggie doesnt exactly know what happened but they assume Aziraphale rejected Crowley.

Annathema and Newt broke up 2 years into dating because of infidelity.

Warlock visits Crowley sometimes.

Aziraphale asked muriel to sneak in a few books into heaven, Crowley tells muriel which to bring. Aziraphale's Favourites.

Aziraphale while in a womenly form for the first time got cat called and harrased so much that he never did again.

Crowley names his plants after demons he particurly hates.

Crowley has only killed 2 men, both tried to assualt her.

Aziraphale has killed 7 people. Most of them accidentally, one very purposefully.

When Nina met Aziraphale she assumed he was homophobic. But she didnt care so she hung up a pride flag anyway. He didnt know what a pride flag was.

Crowley has discorparated from alcohol poisening.

Crowley's snake form is a python.

Maggie knows the gavotte.

Aziraphale has had sex, in the gentlemens club.

Oscar Wilde had a crush on aziraphale that was immediatly friend zoned when Crowley called Aziraphale "Angel".

Crowley created the term of endearment "Angel"

Aziraphale knows how to tango.

Crowley is terrified of spiders.

Aziraphale has kissed Crowley on the head in his snake form before.

Maggie was bullied saverely that she gained an eating disorder. She has healed tho.

Nina has two gay dads.

Crowley tried to confess at Alexandria. But something came up. (Or went down)

He tempted Cieser's men to attack him.

Adam is a rainbow baby.

Beelzebub and Gabriel are asexual. But they arent sex repulsed.

Crowley is still technically a virgin. All tho he had lovers he never has penatrative.

Aziraphale is not a virgin anywhere.

Okay hope you are crying

Added

Aziraphale's wings arent white anymore, they are a shade of dark yellow.

Crowley has nightmares about the wars.

Aziraphale met hitler, he told him he would be an amazing artist

Newt is trans, FTM

Warlock uses They/he

Aziraphale got a drivers licence only to drive trucks of escaped jews.

Aziraphale can paint. Really well.

Crowley invented those weird shower thoughts.

Aziraphale accidentally invented the fez.

Crowley watches Doctor Who and really likes David Tennant.

Aziraphale hates Micheal Sheen.

Neil Gaimen is in the canon universe and has met Aziraphale and Crowley then wrote a book about them.

Crowley tempted exactly 14 teens into not killing themselves.

Aziraphale has been directly responsable for Crowley not killing himself purely by being there at the right time.

Sargent is a feminist.

Maggie had an emo phase

Nina still has an MLP phase

Crowley cried while watching titanic more than being on the titanic

Aziraphale laughs at horror movies.

Crowley get geniunely scared at horror movies.

Beelzebub changed zer face because Satan scarred it to much.

God doesnt know whats gonna happen next and she loves it.

Aziraphale reconized Crowley on the wall and thought "what did they do to you?"

Crowley also did and thought "Was he always this pretty?" Now that he wasnt distracted by stars.

Hustar had a small crush on Crowley.

Kids love Crowley's eyes.

The bentley wont change back to black, its stays yellow bc ut misses Angel.

Crowley has met Marilyn Monroe, he tried to help her with her addiction but he failed.

Aziraphale and betty white were friends.

Judie Dench.

#ineffable spouses #ineffable bureaucracy #ineffable fandom #ineffable idiots #good ineffable omens #good omens ineffable husbands crowley aziraphale #good omens tv #good omens s2 #good omens season 2 spoilers #good omens headcanons #headcanons #ineffable husbands

[placeinthisworld]

ttpdta review part one 🤠

let me preface this by stating that i am a swiftie first and person second in this situation. i have grown up with taylor and feel as if shes my big sister- yes i can make fun of her but if i see anyone else do it i will get fiercely protective. i do understand her music is not only art but also her form of therapy. that being said, throughout these nonsense notes i am constantly mentioning that taylor should go to therapy. i am aware of what she has said about therapy (and why she doesn’t go) but i would beg to differ with her…especially after this album release lol.

taylor is an extraordinary storyteller and song writer. i believe this album is full of evidence of that, but it also has some faults that prevent from being as good as i felt like it could have been. overall the album feels rushed.

i also feel like it’s important to recognize the elephant in the room. i know we probably all expected this to be a joe breakup album, so the fact that it turned out to be a “fuck you matty healy” album shook us all a little bit. i know matty had a controversial history, im not gonna sit here and defend him. i don’t know much about him other than what is forced against my will. i do however know that he struggles with mental health issues/ substance abuse/ addiction. i’m not gonna comment much about his personal issues, i don’t feel like that’s right and taylor’s constant references to drugs throughout ttpd definitely rubs me the wrong way. i should also mention i grew up with an active addict and do view things from that perspective, so i feel slightly triggered by the topic and my feelings about that may just be personal but i do mention that in my notes when it’s relevant.

lastly, i am not a music production girlie idk shit lol. i only know i am a aaron dessner stan so any song with his name im already biased towards and i am aware, if u don’t like that idk what to tell u lol. i just know what i feel like is “good” or “bad” but music is subjective🫶🏻

1. Fortnight:

Hate the functional alcoholic part. Like the beat, the chorus is catchy. One thing i love about a taylor swift song is that theres always a story and its always visual. I like the metaphor of the “good neighbors” of like having this teasing/ longing feeling for someone that you could have had a life with. “Your wife waters flowers/ i want to kill her + my husbands cheating/ i want to kill him” feeling like you were robbed of her life, feeling “all my mornings are mondays stuck in an endless february” reminiscing about the short period of time where you were together and convinced it would last forever (only for it to end before it even started). I do not listen to much post malone but i enjoyed his verse!! So many florida references we get it everything bad happens in florida.

i have not seen the video yet oooopsies

2. Ttpd:

i thought this was the opening of Hey Stephen (the remix) or something at first. gotta say i absolutely love the way she sings “you left your typewriter at my apartment/ straight from the tortured poets department” i enjoyed the vibe of this song, and lyrics up until the “you smoked then ate seven bars of chocolate (OKAY SOOOOOOO ME CODED NGL I LAUGHED at this point i could let this lyric slide- bit then she had to mention the charlie puth and golden retriever thing and ngl it almost ruins the song entirely for me. Tbh when i first listened to the leak i thought this was a fake AI song and that i was sending around a fake leak bc these lyrics started to get a little weird to me. ‘Sometimes i wonder if youre gonna screw this up with me/ but you told lucy you’d kill yourself if i ever leave” …………girl i am begging you to see a therapist (side note did anyone else have a friend in hs whos bf would say that shit a lot?? I remember straight up fighting with a friend who refused to break up w her bf bc he would threaten to end his own life is she did and he was like 16? If an adult is saying that same shit i would be Very concerned not gossiping about it???) “i chose this cyclone with you” my first reaction was: ride the cyclone the musical? Overall i liked the first half but you lost me at charlie puth (hes the one with eyebrow right? I think i get him and miles teller mixed up) (i dont know who either of these men are)

3. My boy only breaks his favorite things:

Okay tbh i thought this was gonna be one of my least favorites, but the total opposite happened. I think this is one of my top 5 favorites on this album. I do think that there is a difference between a poem and a song and that they are not always interchangeable. I feel like if this was edited into a poem it would be KILLER. The visuals, the the story, the vocabulary, the sadness in it. “Im queen of sandcastles he destroys/ There was danger in the heat of my touch/ once i fix me/ hes gonna miss me/ i felt more when we played pretend then with all the kens / cause he took me out of my box” i feel like ever since folklore, taylors been trying to push these big fancy words and sometimes it feels awkward and forced, but this is one of the rare songs that doesn't suffer from that.

4. Down bad:

meh. Chorus is catchy. I dont love the narrative “fuck it if i cant have him/ i might just it would make no difference” but i also have never once experienced that over a person before lmao……….taylor go to therapy. Nothing really stands out about this to me otherwise. No offense, but it sounds like a generic jack antonoff song lol. Like maybe if another artist released this, i would enjoy it more but idk i wouldnt expect it from taylor i guess. Just kinda feels boring to me sorry if u enjoy it <3

5. So long, london:

oh man were done with british men now for real for real. “ two graves one gun. I'll find someone” its over for joe and matty (but thats fine if all she has to say about joe is what i think she said on this album i am happy i think We Get It…) Aaron dessner i love u (remember when he reposted me on his ig ahh).”i kept calm and carried the weight of the rift/ pulled him in tighter each time he was drifting away” + “I stopped trying to make him laugh/ stopped trying to drill the safe/ i didnt opt in to be our odd man out/ im pissed off you let me give you all of that youth for free” oof i FELT that one a LITTLE too hard. I think this is both a song about matty and joe- i think she had a life and an attachment to london just in general through both relationships, “im just mad as hell because i loved this place” and so reflecting back on how both are over and how all those plans with either are done. “You sacrificed us to the gods of your bluest days” OKAY kinda hate this phrase bc it feels like shes placing blame on whomever’s mental health/ depression, like as if they made the conscious decision to sacrifice the relationship solely. This very much feels like “how much sadness did you think i could take before i got bored???” overall top favorite songs bc it doesnt have too many cringey or odd lyrics and the production is 10/10 thank u aaron dessner ilysm king

6. But daddy i love him:

tbh when i got the leak this was the first song i listened to bc i thought it was gonna be the worst one and i wanted to get it over with (i was RIGHT until she dropped that second half……..) and i DIDNT have the lyrics obviously so i couldnt for the life of me figure out if she really said “im having his baby…..NO IM NOT!” until the VERY end of the song and bro…….the cringe. The cringe. The cringe. This is also when i started to question if this was real or if i was passing out a fake leak, lol. I dont understand how she could be saying this shit about matty. And like we all know it lol. “Sometimes growing up precocious sometimes means not growing up at all” …….but like does it??? I feel like thats kinda an oxymoron or something like i understand what shes trying to say and MOST of the time her metaphors and comparisons make sense to me but like this one doesnt. Growing up precocious means to grow up more advanced in maturity, how would that also mean not growing up at all? Is it just me getting stoned and overthinking things? “Ill tell you something about my good name/ its mine alone to disgrace” true that bestie ur doin a great job by being so politically quiet over the past couple of yeats after making a whole asss documentary about wanting to be on the right side of history. But I digress i am just one of those bitches performing soliloquies you'll never see. Overall this song is very weird and cringey imo and i wish it stayed in whatever vault it was sitting in lol.

7.Fresh out of the slammer: “In the shade of how he was feeling” -_- dont like this narrative already. I could honestly go on a rant about why i dont like this song but im going to spare for the sake of my sanity in this review of thirty one fucking songs but its along these lines “to the one who says im the girl of his american dreams” oh brother. otherwise i dont care for many of the lyrics, the chorus/ melody/vibe is mid i guess. It sounds like another jack song (i was right)

8. Florida!!!: “all my friends smell like weed or little babies” okay i know what she was trying to say but im SORRY you cant tell me she couldnt think of ANY other way to say her friends are either parents partiers lmao. Deserves jail for that but luckily the vibe and the chorus of the song are really catchy and florence’s voice is beautiful in it. “Well me and my ghost we had a hell of a time/ yes im haunted but im feeling just fine” CHILLS i loved it. I didnt think i would like this song but (maybe as much as i like no body, no crime which is meh) but no i lowkey love this song and think its really fun. Once again the drug references start to get heavy here in the album and like i mentioned i do get slightly triggered by drug mentions.

9. Guilty as sin?:

okay taylor we get it you masterbate. Another strong jack song and it’s pretty similar to others on the album so nothing besides the sexual lyrics stand out.

10. Whos afraid of little old me?:

“if you wanted me dead you should have just said/ nothing makes me feel more alive” ooooooooooh i love that. I feel like a live or an acoustic version of this song would give me CHILLS. “Is it a wonder i broke / lets hear one more joke/ then we can all laugh until i cry” honestly so relatable, “i was tame, i was gentle til the circus life made me mean” oh :( that hurt bc it just reminds me of the vibe shift during midnights era/ eras tour where it *feels* like she started to pull back from being taylor swift and started to become Taylor Swift (™) and the way her fans/ media has treated her made her mean or cold or something and that just makes me feel sad. “Whos afraid of little old me? You caged me and then you called me crazy! I am what i am cause you trained me! SO. WHOS. AFRAID. OF ME? Again the narcotics line kinda makes me feel icky but thats bc i have that thing about drugs and just dont LOVE all the references to them. Like i know its not that serious but theres a reason why i dont seek out artists that typically talk or write about that stuff ya know so its weird. Overall i think the production is one of the most unique ones on this part of the album.

11. I can fix him (no really i can):

i hate it all around i think. I hate the narrative of “i can fix him!! I can handle a dangerous man!!! No really i can!!!” there is a reason why this song is barely 3 mins long lol it should have been cut but i think taylor wanted to Be Edgy. i dont care for the productions or the lyrics, its very forgetful imo.

12. Loml:

okay i really thought this was gonna be a joe song (rip) so i was thinking it was gonna be really deep and sad and like it IS but with the context of it being the pt 2 fling with matty it doesnt seem like it now. Anyone who thinks this is not about matty please look at the lyrics and be so serious “whos gonna stop us from waltzing back into reklndled flames/ if we know the steps anyway” I think matty just said too much shit to taylor during their fling and taylor WAS truly convinced this her invisible string and he promised her a lot that he couldnt upkeep and ghosted her and she took it SUPER hard, i mean two breakups in one year is a lot (me, whos never been through a single breakup once). I just dont understand how she feels like matty is the greatest loss of her life. One of my favorite tracks on the album, “our field of dreams engulfed in fire/ your arsons match your somber eyes” a LOT of these lyrics are actually really good imo. I think im the only one that didnt find the “mr. steal your girl and make her cry” line idk i thought it was actually kinda neat, the phrasing of it, kinda contradicts the title “love of my life” because he was never that serious or respectful of her and only use her from the beginning. This is another song that i think would make KILLER poem over song. Overall i think the piano is haunting and a live version of this will make me die, thank u again aaron dessner 10/10

13. I can do it with a broken heart:

ngl i thought this was the opening to mastermind for a hot second- also gave me a scare on whether or not this was a fake leak lol. Catchy ass chorus but very YOYOK. “Breaking down i hit the floor/ All the pieces of me shattered/ as the crowd was shouting “more!” ooffffffff seeeeee that is exactly WHAT i was afraid she was feeling durning the eras tour after the joe breakup/ matty situation and all these stupid twitter and tik tok swiffers were out here overanalyzing EVERYTHING and demanding rep tv like every other day. “Im so depressed i act like its my birthday” …….okay taylor. Like a lot of people have said, i think she interchanges “depressed” for “sad” a lot and the two are not the same. I think taylor wrote this song (but specifically the “i cry a lot time but i am so productive” and was like “yup this part is gonna go viral on tik tok,” initially i wrote “feels like taylor saw that depression barbie commercial in barbie 2023 and wrote a song based on that” lol which i still agree with. Overall the production of this screams midnights reject lol, very jack antonoff. Over time this song has grown on me a lot. Originally i didnt care for it but now its kind of a bop but i think its bc its so similar to YOYOK. “Try and come for my job” @taylorswift deadass you couldn’t think of anything else to say instead. cmon. I was mostly on board until that very last part, just seemed very cheesy lol like its not a big deal but i thought it delivered well without it.

14. The smallest man who ever lived:

(aaron thank u for saving me and this entire album) “they just ghosted you/ now you know what it feels like” OUCH. “i dont even want you back i just want you to know/ if rusting my sparkling was the goal/ and i dont miss what we had but can someone give/ a message to the smallest man who ever lived” oh this was somber af. I am obsessed with the phrasing of the chorus. I also LOVE taylors deeper voice its def giving me the same feelings MTR gave me from folklore, that made me CRY and this was very similar. This is another classic taylor song that i could EASILY write like a ten page essay about if someone put a gun to my head. I know that its about a *romantic* relationship, but it feels general enough to be able to relate to anyone who is close to someone with an addiction or struggles with substances. A lot of addicts dont understand the impact of their addiction or their behaviors that they display while struggling. To meeeeee, this feels very much like “you were self centered and betrayed my trust, was any of this true? Real? Am i paranoid or is this that deep?” “it wasnt sexy once it wasnt forbidden” has me thinking lots of things. I think that describes taylors “type”if that makes sense? Like i said i would need to literally break this song down line by line like its ridiculous i have too many thoughts about this song i have listened to it on repeat six times by the time im typing this. “In public showed me off/ then sank in stoned oblivion” FUCK. “you treat her like an also-ran” honestly i have never heard of that phrase/word thank u dr. swift. “Were you sent by someone who wanted me DEAD/ did you sleep with a GUN underneath OUR BED/ were you writing a BOOK?/ were you a sleeper cell SPY? IN 5O YEARS WILL THIS BE ALL DECLASSIFIED?/ AND YOU’LL CONFESS WHY YOU DID IT!/ AND ILL SAY GOOD RIDDANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” tears were formed besties. Also love the gracie abrams reference. “And you deserve prison but you wont get time” i feel like is very metaphorical like you DESERVE to be punished for what you did to me but you won’t admit to the guilt, you wont admit your wrongdoings, you wont admit that i would have done anything for you and you have no problem replacing me. “You said normal girls were boring/ but you were gone by the morning” first of all red flag girlie, nonetheless heartbreaking. “And in plain sight you hid/ but you are what you did” i say this with all the love in my heart, someone take taylor swift to a really good really private therapist. I could say more but i think i need to move on because i am now on my eighth cyle of listening to this song.

15. The alchemy:

already kinda hate it. “What if i told you im back/ the hospital was a drag/ worst sleep i ever had” do you think taylor swift has ever been admitted to a real hospital in this context. Feels very out of place and like i said earlier i dont love the psych ward visuals/ references she keeps inserting in this album. “He jokes its heroin but this time with an e” thanks! I fucking hate that line so much. Feels very icky, not funny. I get what shes going for but it falls so flat for me. The football references (yall know my opinion on meathead!!!!!!!! I will not engage!!!) are fucking dumb. Production is kinda lame and uninterested. Will only listen to this song if by force and will not repeat it ive head enough lets move on.

i have Lots Of Thoughts. i don’t think anyone cares about what i have to say though so i don’t think i’ll bother posting the rest lol but i did do a lot of work so ill post just a bit to make myself feel better.

#personal #ts ttpd #ttpd #the tortured poets department

[x-liv25-jamieswife]

Hcs of the remaining characters dying (nash, xan, etc.)

people's reaction to xander's death

of course! i'll do xander for this one, and nash next (i'm also planning on doing libby and a short one for max). hope you like them!

avery: this is obvious but she would be absolutely devastated. she would definitely spend a lot of time in his old lab playing with his gadgets or just sitting there. she would make sure to visit his grave a lot bc she knows xander gets lonely and bored easily and doesn't want him to suffer in the afterlife. she would not want to get out of bed, but alisa would force her to for interviews and stuff. her grief would be too much for her to hide. her fans would notice and start getting worried for her so they'd send her little gifts to make her feel better. whenever she visits his grave, she brings scones with her to 'share' with xander.

jameson: jameson would start drinking profusely again (just like after emily died). he would leave xander little riddles he wrote near his grave for him to solve in the after life to keep him entertained. he learned how to bake just to make scones to leave at xander's grave. he'd sleep in his room a lot to feel closer to him. he has this really cool glass xander made him (it's up to you what it looks like/what special thing it does), and he makes sure to drink from it whenever he he has alcohol. his grief would keep him from getting any sleep. it got so bad he got prescribed pills to get him to fall asleep bc his body was shutting down.

grayson: grayson and xander used to talk a lot about their dreams and things they wanted to accomplish later on in life. gray would make sure to fulfill all of his dreams for him knowing it would make him happy. he would spend hours studying on robotics and stuff to be able to accomplish his dreams, and he'd make sure everything he did was perfect. i didn't add this in any of my other hc posts, but i think that, if one of his brothers died, he could potentially start drinking or taking drugs. i think that he'd want to find a way to suppress his grief so that he would be able to work and distract himself.

nash: nash would be wrecked (obviously). he'd eat scones even though he hates them just because xander loves them. i mentioned in my sad nash hc post that i think he takes weed when he's anxious and stuff, and i think xander (or any of his brothers really) dying would make him start smoking weed excessively. libby would notice him taking it quite often and would get him help to make sure he didn't get addicted. he's also the type of person to overwork himself when he's nervous, sad, angry, etc. he would be bartending 24/7. i can also see him getting so mad he starts throwing glasses around and stuff at the bar he works at.

libby: i wanted to include her even though i don't really know what to say. i think, over the years, her and xander (and all of the other brothers) would get really close. they would definietly bond over baking, making it impossible to bake after his death without crying. at the same time, baking is libby's coping mechanism so she wouldn't be able to stop. she'd bake scones with grayson and accompany him to leave them at xander's grave. nash's grief would also make things worse for her. she'd be trying to find ways to help him whilst at the same time grieving herself (i mentioned that nash would start throwing things like glasses around to let his anger out, and, although he'd NEVER hurt libby, i think it would scare her enough to convince him to get help)

max: max would be ruined over his death. she'd lose interest in everything because everything would remind her of xander. for example, she'd start to hate reading bc she'd remember all of the time he bought her books. her life without him would become so lackluster that she'd consider offing herself. xander would definitely have made her life more entertaining and worth living, so, losing him would make her go back to her life the way it was before meeting him (we know she has strict parents and is really isolated so the change would really affect her). she'd spend days in bed 'talking' to him, and would have to convince herself he faked his death to be able to keep going. i think she'd also spend a lot of time sleeping in his bed or with avery.

#the inheritance games #jameson hawthorne #grayson hawthorne #avery grambs #nash hawthorne #xander hawthorne #libby grambs #maxine liu

[mikashisus]

Arsonist’s Lullaby

“you got a taste for blood when you were licking your own wounds”

summary: You had won your Games at the mere age of fourteen. The days of the arena still haunt your memories, even years after it all had happened.

Now, you find yourself back in the arena, fighting for your life a second time as you struggle to grasp the reality you’re living in.

pairing: genshin x fem!reader

content warnings: lots of blood and gore, heavy angst, character death, panic attacks, ptsd, su!cidal thoughts, su!cide attempts, feral behavior, hallucinations, hospitals, alcohol and drug use

other disclaimers: genshin hunger games au, mc is known to be unhinged bc of trauma, xiao & lumine are katniss & peeta here, mentor venti, a few andrius mentions, fluff and hurt/comfort

ch.1 wc: 4.9k

author’s notes: y’all gonna hate me once this fic ends, cause im killing off a lot of the characters. im sorry in advance.

it took me so long to decide who to include in this fic & who would be part of what district. i included a few of my ocs in here too!

i adore the relationship i created between venti and the mc. it’s literally just father daughter dynamic, but venti is also the mc’s safe space. he understands her so well and knows exactly how to calm her down when she has outbursts.

i couldn’t decide on a singular love interest, so there’s multiple. most of them will die though (sorry not sorry).

plot follows catching fire and mockingjay! there are a few mentions of previous events just for plot purposes.

cross-posted on ao3!

CHAPTER I: silent brewing of a storm

This victor party could’ve been way better than it was. The drinks were bitter, the food was bland, and the outfits were way more extravagant than you would’ve liked.

It almost made you sick thinking about it. You downed another glass of beer and hoped with all your might that you’d get so blasted that you couldn’t feel any nerve in your body.

This was all for show: the parties, the dresses, the accessories… all of it. You hated it here in the capitol where all eyes were on you. You wanted so badly to go back to your home in district seven, to fall onto your couch and cuddle your cat close to your chest as you cried and prayed that you wouldn’t have to spend another day here in the capitol— that you could live the rest of your life peacefully.

You knew that was an empty dream.

Grabbing yet another glass to drown your sorrows, a hand pulled it from your grasp just as the rim was about to meet your parted lips.

“I think that’s enough alcohol for one night, huh wolfie? I’m surprised they let you off the leash.”

That voice. A headache began to pound against your skull. Of course your mortal enemy had to come and ruin your already sour night.

“Go away, Ajax.” His name felt like a burden on your lips. Upon hearing your slurred words, he frowned.

“Now now, if I let you go on your own, you’d drink the last of the capitol’s reserves. You’d finally catch up to Venti,” he joked, taking a sip from the glass he had snatched from you. His face twisted in disgust. “Gross. What is this?”

You rolled your eyes. “Beer.”

Ajax made a disgusted noise as he placed the glass on the table you were leaning against. “How can you stand that stuff?” he asked, watching as you shrugged. “Does that alcoholic mentor of yours have you addicted now?”

Venti was your mentor— a former victor, and a man who had won his games at the age of twelve; the first year his name was put in. He was the youngest victor in history, which naturally gave him a surplus of popularity within the capitol. Now, he was well into his early thirties, yet his youthful glow still lingered. He didn’t look a day over sixteen.

How? That was the world’s greatest mystery.

Scanning the room, you found him passed out on one of the tables, a wine bottle still clutched tightly in his limp hand that hung off the side of the table. His cape and vest were long gone, discarded elsewhere in the room as he was left only in his corset, dress shirt, and dress pants.

You awkwardly turned away from the sight. When he was mentoring you, it had been hard to get him to be serious. when he was serious, he was the best mentor the capitol had ever seen.

He was way better than Ajax’s mentor, that was for sure. You had only met Skirk once, and in those five seconds, she had completely blasted your self confidence to bits. Needless to say, you prayed on her downfall after that.

“Nonsense,” you spoke, your voice hoarse. “Venti could drink the entire nation’s supplies in one gulp if he could. Drain the entire capitol’s wine industry to the ground.”

Ajax snickered into his glass of red wine before taking a more lengthy sip. He sighed in relief afterwards and handed the empty glass to a nearby waiter. “Can’t argue with that. Hey, how ‘bout we get out of here, huh?”

You sent him a teasing look. “You sure you wanna get involved with me? According to Andrius, I’m dangerous.” You grabbed a glass full of beer and chugged it down before making your way over to Venti.

It was true. Andrius, an older man who had been Venti’s mentor for his games, had an impeccable intuition. As soon as he had laid eyes on you in the capitol, he didn’t hesitate to tell you and Venti that you would be incredibly dangerous if you ended up winning your games. Except… there was no “if” when he told you.

Confidently, he stated in a rough voice,

“You will be so dangerous that even the capitol won’t be able to control you.”

Venti had told you that Andrius told him the exact same thing before he entered his games. You later found out that Decarabian, the man who had mentored Andrius and was now long gone, said the exact same thing to Andrius.

You guessed it was tradition for mentors in your district to tell their tributes that. You didn’t yet realize how much weight that statement held.

Ajax followed you, chuckling all the while. “Yeah, I’m well aware. I saw your games. I know you killed eight people at once with an axe and a net. I also know you went batshit crazy after returning from your games. What was the exact word the capitol used? Ah yes, feral.”

You sent him a glare before you lugged Venti off of the table. He pulled the table sheet with him, hitting the floor with a loud thud. You winced at the sound and slapped him over the head with flowers that were previously in a nearby vase. The man startled, babbling on about beer as he began to wake.

“Leave, Ajax— Venti! Get up, you fucking embarrassment! Everyone in the room is staring at us!”

They really weren’t, but you were so used to eyes being on you, that you had a permanent paranoia. You grabbed Venti’s arm and attempted to pull him off the floor. He hiccuped as he stumbled, his half lidded eyes staring at you as you draped one of his arms around your shoulder.

He smiled when he realized it was you. “Ah, if it isn’t my favorite victor! Can I have another beer?”

“No.” You didn’t bother saying goodbye to Ajax as you led Venti towards the exit. “But you can have water when we get back.”

Venti grumbled, only to brighten up again at the sight of a certain white haired gentleman. He waved happily, “Kazuha! Hello!”

Venti hadn’t mentored Kazuha, but they were closely acquainted because Venti was always fussing over you like a mother hen. It was quite adorable that he was so protective over you, but it also felt like he was smothering you at times.

You smiled softly as you made eye contact with Kazuha. You and Kazuha had back to back games. After yours, the capitol considered putting you down like a dog because of how feral you had gotten. However, after your outbursts had slowed down and gotten more under control, they just barely allowed you to live.

If it weren’t for Venti and Andrius advocating for your cause, you most likely would’ve died.

Kazuha’s games were a year after yours. Venti came to you with the idea of mentoring Kazuha shortly after you had started calming down from your trauma. The memories you had wouldn’t go away that quickly, but at least you were learning to cope in a healthy way.

You didn’t like the idea of being a mentor at first, especially since you were so young. You didn’t know the first thing about being a mentor, and you weren’t very good at talking to other people. Venti encouraged you to try, and he co-mentored Kazuha with you since you were so uncooperative.

But because he wasn’t assigned as an official mentor for Kazuha, there were certain times where he couldn’t help you with the right words to say or tell you how to comfort Kazuha. You were on your own, and you eventually got the hang of mentoring, even if you still weren’t the best at communicating with others.

You were always thankful for Kazuha’s patience with you. Not once did he yell at you or tell you that you were doing a shit job. Not once did he push you away or insult you behind your back. Not once did he criticize you or laugh when you relapsed because something triggered you. Instead, he was calm. His presence was comforting, and he always knew what to say to you. He was a good listener, and he was patient. He never crossed any boundaries and he was always kindhearted, even if the games had messed him up the same way they did to you.

Kazuha was the only tribute you mentored, and also your favorite. You understood why Venti acted the way he did with you. It was because he felt the same way towards you, even if you caused way more trouble for him than Kazuha did for you.

The boy in front of you smiled gently as he held your gaze, crimson eyes softening at the sight of you. “Do you want help?”

You snapped out of your daze and shook your head. “It’s okay, but thank you. I got him. He’s my responsibility after all.” You chuckled softly.

Kazuha nodded, though you knew he didn’t believe that you could handle this on your own. After all, you looked just about ready to punch Venti in the face because he kept tugging on your arm. You absolutely despised being touched, but you tried not to mind it when it came to Venti.

You knew his love language was physical touch, and so you were smothered in hugs and forehead kisses before your games. However, after your games, you’d lash out at the mere ghost of a touch on your skin. That resulted in more than a few doctors being killed.

Right now, you were fighting off every voice in your head that was screaming “danger” and tried to focus on just getting Venti back to his room in the hotel you two were staying in.

Kazuha stepped forward, “Are you sure? I don’t mind helping—“

Something in you snapped as you squeezed your eyes shut and shouted, “I have him! I said I’m okay!” You panted heavily as your chest heaved. When you opened your eyes, you were surprised to see that Kazuha was still standing so close to you.

Instead of running away like anyone else would’ve done, he simply smiled warmly at you— sweet and full of kindness. “Okay. At least allow me to go with you just in case.”

A little shaken up, you nodded. Your hands trembled as you continued to lead Venti out of the party venue and outside. Kazuha followed, keeping a reasonable distance from you.

After you safely got Venti into his hotel room, you sighed heavily and collapsed onto the couch, your gown billowing as you did so. A little annoyed at how the fabric itched your skin, you tore the dress off, now being left in your silk chemise that you wore underneath the gown.

Kazuha picked up the gown, gently folding it over the back of the couch. He sat down in a nearby chair, giving you your much needed space. After awhile, you broke the silence that settled between you both.

“I’m sorry,” you muttered. “I didn’t mean to yell back there.”

This happened often, way more often than you would’ve liked. It happened a lot with Venti because he was so persistent, but he was also calm and patient. If he set you off, he’d be right there to calm you down too. He’d apologize and sing comforting songs that made you relax.

Kazuha shook his head. “You don’t need to apologize, I understand.”

After years of being by your side, he learned how to handle any outbursts you have. He first learned how to when you were mentoring him. Both of you had been fifteen at the time.

You would be triggered by something so easily back then. You couldn’t even walk freely because of it. An escort would always be with you, keeping a close eye on you and ensuring you didn’t accidentally kill someone again.

Kazuha had never feared you, even when you lashed out at him a few times during your mentoring. Something would trigger you and you’d leap into an outburst. Nearby peacekeepers would try to interfere, but Venti and your District escort, Signora, would hold you down to the ground and tell security that they had it under control.

Even though you were severely unstable the entire time you mentored Kazuha, somehow someway your mentoring had led him to winning his games.

You could still remember even now, his petrified expression once he realized he was the last one in the arena, and how he broke down into tears the moment you saw him directly afterwards. You could still remember how he hugged you, clinging onto you like a lifeline.

His tear stained face dug into your shoulder, and you turned your back to the cameras so that he could cry in peace. You put your hand on his head to ensure he had at least a little bit of privacy as he cried, and you held him tightly with your eyes squeezed shut until he finally pulled away from you and mustered up a small smile.

You had told him that he didn’t need to force himself to smile, that he could cry into your shoulder as much as he needed to. He shook his head, saying that his tears had already dried up. That was obviously a lie, as when you went to leave him that night, he scrambled out of bed and begged you to stay with him. His voice had been so shaky when he told you he was scared of being alone because of his traumatic memories in the arena.

You stayed with him every night until the pain got somewhat better. Due to your own experiences, you couldn’t sleep. You’d stay awake, staring up at the ceiling and being a comforting presence for Kazuha if he had a nightmare.

The games had affected him almost the same way they did to you. There was one huge difference though: you left the games as a killer, while he left as a survivor.

You had killing tendencies after your games, while he was left with nightmares of someone targeting him. The both of you had very different types of trauma and dealt with it in two very different ways, but you stood by each other through it all. And now, you could confidently call him your best friend— besides Venti.

As Kazuha left for the night, promising that he would check back in on you in the morning, you made your way back into Venti’s room. The man was sleeping soundly on the bed, the covers all askew and one of his legs hanging off the side of the bed. You smiled at the sight and sat down next to him.

You pushed his bangs away from his face and gently placed a kiss to his forehead. Tomorrow, you’d help him nurse a hangover, and you’d be there right as he woke up, just like he always was for you.

The train ride back to District 7 was more than peaceful. Due to your sensitivity to loud noises, Venti and Signora decided to take their constant arguing to another room while you and Kazuha sat in silence.

The white haired man across from you was wearing a pair of glasses while he skimmed through a book. After his games, his eyes were banged up real good and he had to get glasses for things like reading.

You always thought they looked good on him, which made him feel better about wearing them. Silently studying the man in front of you, you noticed his cheeks beginning to turn a faint shade of pink.

Kazuha was undoubtedly very pretty— so pretty you found yourself staring at him for long periods of time whenever you were with him. He usually didn’t mind, or at least, pretended like it didn’t bother him. It really didn’t bother him, but it made him quite flustered.

He should’ve been used to the staring by now, but the truth was that he wasn’t. He softly cleared his throat and avoided your gaze, “Everything alright? Do you want me to go get Venti?”

The fact that he knew you so well to the point where he knew when you needed Venti made your heart melt. You meekly shook your head.

“No… I’m fine.”

“If you say so,” he muttered.

He was able to tell whenever you needed Venti’s support. There was always this look in your eye that told him that you needed Venti to be with you at that moment, and you were currently making that face despite telling him that everything was alright.

Venti was your safe person, your lifeline. If anything was wrong with you, he’d always be right by your side in a heartbeat. It made Kazuha feel a little pang inside his chest, even though he knew that you didn’t see Venti that way. That you and Venti were more akin to a father and daughter dynamic than anything.

Kazuha met your prying eyes. “I’ll be right back-“

“I said I’m fine!” you called after him, a little agitated that he wasn’t listening to you.

He waved you off despite your protests, and Venti was rushing in a second later, his eyes blown wide with worry and panic and his heart beating fast. He had thought that you had one of your outbursts again.

As soon as he saw your relaxed form, his shoulders relaxed and he let out a huge sigh of relief. “You had me worried something happened again,” he muttered before taking a seat next to you. You immediately moved to curl into his side like a cat.

You weren’t a huge fan of physical touch unless you were the one initiating it because of past trauma. Often times, you opted for no physical touch whatsoever, even if it was something so small as holding hands or a brush of a touch against your skin.

The smallest bit of touch could set you off on most occasions. It could have you screaming and gasping for air, clouding your brain with one word: danger.

Venti understood this, and so he never initiated anything with you. If he wanted to give you a hug, he wouldn’t unless you asked him for one. If he wanted to kiss your forehead, he wouldn’t unless you told him he could. He was always careful, making sure not to trigger an outburst or send you into a panic attack.

“I’m fine,” you grumbled, crossing your arms over your chest.

Venti huffed, “I don’t mean to scare you, but if you so much as look at anyone the wrong way, the peacekeepers won’t hesitate to put you in chains again.”

You knew what he was talking about.

After your games, you had gone a little batshit crazy because of your trauma. You refused to let any doctors treat you because you were scared of being touched. Venti and Signora had tried to hold you down, but it only made matters worse.

It wasn’t until they realized why you were making such a fuss that they tried to calm you down, but at that point it had been too late. Your brain was already clouded and filled with thoughts of getting away from whoever was touching you. You were seeing them as threats, and they didn’t know how else to calm you down other than sedate you.

When you woke up, you were strapped to the hospital bed, which made things even worse . You screamed and kicked, until Venti had rushed in with a panicked look on his face and a kind smile. The familiar sight made you relax a little, just enough for him to distract you from the doctors who were just trying to do their job.

You were deemed too unstable to be left alone, and so Venti decided to join you in Victor’s Village. He lived with you for the next two years, and his comforting presence was what helped you to find healthy coping mechanisms.

For an entire year after your games, you were put in chains because of your tendencies to lash out at anyone who got within five feet of you. You had killed multiple doctors by that point, and when the capitol attempted to turn you into their plaything, you absolutely lost it. You killed every client until the capitol had enough and tried to put you down like a dog.

That was when Venti and Andrius intervened, advocating for your cause and defending you because you were just a poor, traumatized fourteen year old girl who would never be the same again. All you had wanted was to go back home to district seven and forget about everything that happened in that arena.

Your games had been way too traumatizing, and way too bloody. You refused to ever speak up on it again, and everyone knew better than to ask you about it— lest they end up dead.

“I just want to go home,” you whispered.

In truth, you had no home to return to. The capitol had taken everything from you: your childhood, your innocence, your life, your sanity, and your family. There was no one else except Venti and Kazuha left— your only last traces of home.

Signora was technically part of that home, too. She was the district seven escort, and also the woman who fashioned outfit designs for you. She was a hopeless romantic at heart, and she always loved having girl time with you before your games.

Afterwards though, you were too traumatized to say or do anything with her. You clung onto Venti like a lifeline, and your relationship with her all but fell apart. If it weren’t for Venti bringing you both back together through Kazuha, then you probably wouldn’t have ever spoken with her again.

Now, you were back on good terms with her. Though, you were still a little too unstable for her to deal with. You could sense that she missed having lively conversations with you over tea and sharing a plate of coffee cake, but anything could set you off at any moment— like a grenade. This made her keep her distance, as she was not that good at comforting others or dealing with people with PTSD.

That only resulted in you becoming closer to Venti, though you knew that even if you had become close with Signora, you probably still would’ve been closer with your mentor.

“I know, cecilia.”

There it was, that nickname that always brought you back to reality. No matter what you were going through, that nickname that Venti had given you always seemed to ease your mind and calm your nerves. You clung onto him tighter, afraid he might disappear if you let go.

He hesitantly placed a hand on your back, unsure if you were okay with reciprocated touch right now. When you didn’t show any signs of tensing up, he gently rubbed circles into your back with his thumb.

Eventually, you fell asleep.

Your “welcome home” was not a welcome at all. After arriving in district seven, the three of you disembarked the train and made your way back to your houses.

The people bid small hellos to Kazuha and Venti, who both returned their greetings with kind smiles and greetings of their own. However, as soon as the people saw you, they shuffled out of the way and went dead silent. They refused to meet your eyes.

Venti quickly led you back to your shared home, easing both yours and the people’s worries. You sighed in relief upon arriving back home, immediately flopping onto the couch and curling into a ball.

“Andrius wanted to stop by and see you,” Venti told you, rummaging the kitchen cabinets for a mug. He could tell you could use some warm tea right about now. “But I know how much you hate visitors.”

You hadn’t had visitors in years, but Andrius was different. You perked up at the mention of him, meeting Venti’s brilliant eyes. “Not if it’s him,” you said with a small smile.

If Venti was like a parental figure for you, then Andrius was like your grandfather. Although he preferred to be alone most of the time, he would occasionally come to visit just to see how you and Venti were doing. He would stay for just a little while, with Venti offering him something to eat or drink. He would ask you a few questions about your current mentality and your overall health.

If you hesitated to answer, he took that as a sign that you weren’t doing so well. Venti would often speak for you, carrying the conversation because he knew how much you hated talking. Despite your lack of interaction in that regard, you quite liked Andrius’ company. That, and he usually brought small gifts with him whenever he visited.

They weren’t anything special, just some snacks he knee you liked or some wooden carvings he recently finished and wanted to give to you. You had a few of them sitting on your windowsill from the last time you saw him.

The simple three knock pattern alerted you immediately, and you all but jumped up from your spot on the couch to go open the door. Venti chuckled at your excitement, watching in amusement as you threw open the door to greet Andrius.

The steadily aging man donned some wrinkles and a few gray hairs now. His bright blue eyes were significantly duller than the last time you peered into them, and his usually combed back navy hair was rather messy.

He held a neatly wrapped gift in his hands. Upon seeing you, he attempted a small smile. You knew he wasn’t one to smile or show much emotion in the first place, so you were surprised with the sight in front of you.

You stepped aside to allow him in, and he chuckled softly. “I see you still have it smelling like pine and cinnamon in here.”

“Of course!” Venti chimed in from the kitchen. He set down three mugs of tea in the living room. “Perfect timing! I just made us some tea.”

“Tea?” Andrius asked incredulously, almost as if he was offended. “What happened to all the alcohol?”

You smiled as you took a seat on the couch again. Grabbing your own mug of tea, you took a lengthy sip. “Venti finally drank it all.”

Andrius sat down in a chair across from you and shook his head with a knowing look. “I’m surprised it took him this long.”

“Hey!” Venti collapsed onto the couch next to you. “I’m not that bad!”

You were silent for a moment as you eyed the bottle of wine in his hands. It took one glance from you for him to whine and complain that he didn’t have a drinking problem. Which, of course, was a lie, but you knew the reason why he had a drinking problem in the first place.

It was all to forget what he experienced in the arena.

Everyone had different ways of coping, and not all of those were considered healthy. Andrius turned to smoking after his games as a way for him to cope with his overwhelming win. Venti turned to drinking, washing away all of his sorrows with way too much alcohol. And you?

You just dealt with it. At least, that’s what you claimed to do, but the scars on your arms and legs said otherwise. They told stories of dark nights alone on your bathroom floor, sobbing as you smudged your thumb over the new line of crimson that tainted your skin.

You got away with it for awhile… until Venti finally caught you in the act and had a breakdown right there with you on the floor. You could still remember the way he hugged you so tightly even though you tried to push him away. You could still remember the way he cried and how he promised he’d always be there for you.

It stopped after that day, but the reminders of your unhealthy coping mechanisms still lingered on your skin even now.

A small beep interrupted this oddly domestic moment you were sharing with Venti and Andrius. You flinched at the noise, the sound almost sending you into a panic attack before Venti gently shushed you and managed to calm you down. A second later, the screen of your tv lit up with the face of the wonderful President, Phanes.

The sight of her face had you lurching out of your seat. Venti abruptly pulled you back, immediately letting go of you when you looked like you wanted to punch his face in.

“It’s just an announcement,” Andrius reassured you in a somewhat comforting tone. “It’s about time for the annual games, it’s only natural that there would be an announcement.”

You nodded at his words, trying to calm your beating heart by repeating his words over and over again in your head. It was just an announcement.

You quickly found that it was more than just an announcement once Phanes issued that all previous victors were to be reaped again at the next annual reaping.

Everything faded into nothing. You remembered hearing a bloodcurdling scream as your heartbeat echoed loudly in your ears and your vision went blurry. You remembered being tackled to the ground by someone stronger than you, and you could vaguely remember the scent of metallic iron.

When you woke up, your eyes met Kazuha’s, and your heart dropped to your stomach once the events of a few hours prior flooded into your brain.

You would have to be reaped again.

author’s notes: chapters after this point will be extremely long, therefore it’ll take me awhile to write them. please be patient with me 🙏

and in the meantime, feel free to read my other works!

masterlist

#genshin #genshin impact #angst #genshin x reader #venti #kazuha #kazuha x reader #tartaglia #hurt/comfort #la signora #the hunger games #genshin kazuha #genshin venti #genshin tartaglia #genshin signora #— ✦ arsonist’s lullaby 🔥

[royalbilliards]

i would LOVE to hear your opinion on maruki's therapy bc i see a lot of ppl saying he sucked as a therapist and i've never seen one so i can't really say anything with certainty...... but idk, i want joker to have at least an okay therapist just because it's a nice touch. also i think it's more satisfying narratively when maruki is someone joker can lean on for support and get attached to, but then has to oppose because shitty actualization. idk. pathetic wet man makes me go brrrrrr

Welcome to the autism zone.

So a lot of my thoughts on maruki’s therapy comes from my own experiences with a therapist in the past (I’m trying to get a new one right now) but. A lot of what Maruki’s ‘confidant perks’ and what they’re called suggest he’s giving Joker treatment for anxiety and depression, which makes a lot of sense given the way he acts in public outside of the joker persona, and the situation he’s in at Shujin (being bullied, for lack of a better term because it’s 5 am and I just woke up, and ostracised due to Kamoshida spilling his criminal record).

Practices like mindfulness and wakefulness sound like bullshit when you first have to start them, mostly because of the names, but the practices themselves are grounding techniques, being able to be present in your body, aware of your surroundings, and not letting yourself spiral via panic or depression and stuff. Detox is a term for drug addiction and alcoholism rehab, they’re not exactly practices we know Joker needs help with, but they’re most likely preventative measures, so that he doesn’t go Down those paths BECAUSE of his situation, which honestly makes sense, depression, anxiety, bullying from peers and the rest of it, including his criminal record and the way Japan treats students with criminal records, it makes sense that Joker could have easily gone down those routes if he didn’t have his friends and the metaverse to blow off steam and have an outlet for his emotions that he isn’t allowed to have in his day to day life. Flow is also a form of therapy treatment for handling depression, and mostly focus’ on capturing moments of positive mental states and allowing yourself to be completely focused and involved in Enjoyable activities that make you happy.

Because all of these therapy treatments that we get named from his confidant perks are Real therapy treatments that both Work and are widely used to treat specific mental health problems (Depression, Anxiety and Self-worth) we get both an insight into how Joker is actually feeling about things outside of what he shows and how useful these techniques are in his actual day to day life, because he’s using them to handle stressful situations in the metaverse.

There’s also the fact that Before everything, and AFTER everything, Joker doesn’t seem to hold much animosity towards Maruki, yes Akechi does and he’s Totally allowed to hate him, but neither Yoshizawa or Joker do, when Yoshizawa is more than justified in being angry and frustrated with him. And it might just be due to the abysmal lack of characterisation Yoshizawa gets, but mostly she seems like she too, like Joker, WANTS to help him, because we know that Maruki himself struggles with Self-worth problems, delusions of grandeur, a messiah complex (in both definitions of the term) anxiety and depression (along with a few other spicier things I don’t feel like mentioning because I’d need to bring up the psa’s on how demonised disorders need to be treated with respect since no one can do that on the internet). But there doesn’t seem to Be animosity between the three of them. Mostly just worry about someone they both cared about, and trusted.

There’s also the fact that, Jokers interactions with Maruki do not End After you help him with his research, we’re just cut off from the interaction at that point, because Joker in canon is explaining to Sae other more important things, he probably doesn’t feel the need to tell her the confidential therapy treatment he’s receiving at school. Their interaction continues, we get a fade to black, so it’s obvious he is getting actual therapy treatment, but Maruki has probably picked up on Jokers earth shattering savior complex and is easing him into the idea of therapeutic treatment by having him assist in his research, so Joker is more inclined to accept the help, since it’s a Transaction to Joker. If Maruki had more time to be Jokers therapist, and I assume he would have at some point Offered to continue his work as Jokers therapist after his tenure at Shujin ending, he would have eventually been able to work on that with Joker, and weaned him off Needing to help people all the time, and viewing social interactions as a transactional thing.

Anyways, yeah, I don’t think Maruki is a bad therapist outside of the horrors, I think people just don’t think about it because it isn’t spoon fed to them in a social link interaction, which is where the assumption that he’s Only using Joker as a sounding board comes from. But what would I know I just did media studies and have a special interest in analysing media, SHRUG

#virtype #anon #do I main tag this. hm. i will think about that when I wake up #decided I do main tag it #takuto maruki #persona 5 royal #persona 5 #p5meta #p5r spoilers

[pagodazz]

Noah Maxwell hcs

for @freezingmcxn

I unprivated my Noah playlist just for this

(I honestly didn't know what kind of music to add for him. so I don't know if this will be him much at all)

One thing I can say for SURE is that I do not have the same kind of hcs for him as I do for everyone else, in fact his are very very angst oriented. so.

Tw for drug and alcohol abuse and shit (bc TT just acts like he doesn't have a problem, when bros literally an addict & alcoholic)

but I'm no where as attached to him like I am attaching to other characters so I cannot promise accuracy

-------------------------

Noah is the kind of guy that would sit in bed all day and wait for other people to reach out to him before be makes any attempt to reach out to them, because honestly, I don't think Noah will think of other people when he's alone. He's too focused on whatever he's dealing with to stop and make time for others unless they demand it from him.

He doesn't exactly mean to do it to be rude, he just genuinely seems to forget other people even exist when he's alone. Unless it's Milo or Kevin, sometimes he'll forget them, but they're usually people he keeps in contact with most, so it's hard to push them out of his memory. his excessive drinking and drug use also is no help with his memory, and neither is the collective.

--------------------

I think Noah often lays awake at night staring into the darkness seeing if he can see the faces of the collective, or even worse, His own face. So he gives up on sleeping, and he decides to focus all his attention to being online.

He probably keeps the lights on after a while, and he'll learn how to ignore the movement he sees out of the corner of his eyes and he'll distract himself by answering questions, or by ignoring everyone and just binging his favorite shows or doing his own half assed research.

----------------

I think that Noah tends to get sick alot, to the point where he can barley tolerate any amount of food in his system without feeling the instant need to vomit it all up. He probably even get in his head telling himself that he doesn't even deserve it, he hasn't worked hard enough to get these things he wants.

I imagine he shakes alot, hes almost frozen to the touch. You'd probably have to give him the biggest and softest blanket you have just to keep him kinda warm.

I also believe he gets aggressive when he isn't able to drink or take something, not like he's demanding to have it, but more like everything is annoying him and he's FREAKING THE FUCK OUT over being out. He cannot handle a single moment alone with his thoughts, he knows he will literally LOSE HIS MIND.

He hates silence for sure but he hates the sound of his own voice even more.

-------------------

Noah is a very delicate man, and he pretty much expects to be treated as such, but he NEVER is. He's kicked and beaten and thrown around and he gets back up, because he has to.

His ribs will ache and his lungs will burn and he'll hate the way he has to scrub the blood off his skin again and again, and he'll hear the sound of everyone laughing at him and he'll just feel so utterly humiliated by everything that he'll just have to completely hide himself.

He'll crumble over and just sob until he can't anymore and he'll find whatever he can take to ease the pain, and he'll take too much and he'll throw himself onto the bed and he'll start his routine all over again in the morning, and he knows that it'll only ever get worse for him.

-------------------

I think that Noah genuinely blames himself for the things other people are going through, even tho he has an AWFUL time showing it. we can use firebrand and prebrand as an example, they're both so FULL of guilt and that means obviously Noah is too.

Noah honestly thinks if he acts like he doesn't care at all, nothing bad will happen, but that's just not gonna work, because he can't stay away from the collective, they are coming to him. he doesn't have the option for escape like he thinks he does, he only has a choice in how he ends up. As a god or just a man who was useless and pathetic and has nothing to offer the world.

-------------------

Yyayy okay there's those,,, Patrick and Michael coming up,,, BUT. HONESTLY IM SORRY IF THESE DONT FIT HIM, I genuinely gotta rewatch tribetwelve when I'm NOT stoned out of my FUCKING MIND. I hope one of these works atleast

#Spotify #noah maxwell #tribe twelve #tribetwelve #hcs #my hcs #ethan rants 🐍 #🐍 ⦻

[spikeinthepunch]

okayyy i finished the new ending in Lisa the Joyful so yeah, heres another long Lisa post. this will more so have a short list of what i did and didnt like of the game since i know opinions are often mixed. but ill have a long focus talking about the new content compared to the rest of the game. and will later go on about characterization and writing in detail.

Also while you can find a no commentary video for the new ending, almost all uploads skip an earlier portion of it, so I uploaded it myself! with timestamps.

TW for uhh the same triggers- sexual, physical, verbal abuse mostly.

SO OKAY. Okay.

The brief on the main game....

What I did like:

I like the general story. I enjoyed the horror of watching more and more joy mutants arriving, even some of the warlords being joy mutants already, and normal characters like the uhh shelf vendor guy being a mutant. additionally things like wearing a mask mattering. i think it was important to too still have some weirdos bc thats one of the key things in displaying the cycle of these men's behavior. music always good too of course. i enjoy Buddy's internal conflict too and i dont mind here characterization-- its just the pacing. I actually liked the epilogues a bit more than what the endings actually told us lol... tbh they carry more weight in terms of giving us information about the past. But the ones that hit hardest are the ones where Lisa tells Buzzo to mutilate her so her father wont want her anyways. and the one with Brad's father forcing him to drink alcohol and go with him to lisa's room (to presumedly watch his father abuse lisa).

What i didn't like:

the "original" endings (not the new definitive one) were weak and i am sure most feel that way. I think actually the issue for me is the choice... cuz playing with joy? well i think the "stay with them" makes sense as she gets more fucked up and unstable (and assume addicted). the joyless route makes me feel like i should fittingly take the "leave them" ending bc she is mentally aware enough to know she still hates what happened to her and wants to leave them behind. the choices of them feel conflicting to the routes you might choose but you dont think about it bc there is no consequence to taking joy! the pacing of course is a big complaint. cuz see i dont think the story or writing is horrible i just think it needed to be longer in order to expand on all those things rushed through. the ideas would feel good if the pacing didnt speed through it. the Yado epilogue is fine too but i think just left more questions than answers than the endings themself so i would have rather done without it imo.

As stated i will go WAY more into the characters after I talk about this new stuff. I will talk heavily about what happens in it too so feel free to read this later if you dont watch it... but you really should look at the new Painful and Joyful content as they also kinda go together.

NEW CONTENT..... kind of new ending, it plays directly into it. Unlike Painful where it doesnt alter the actual ending content. and i will go over the normal endings a bit more in relation to this bc of how it affects pacing etc...

So On one hand I like what it added and on the other hand it wasnt great-- which all plays into the games already existing pacing issues. Which is a shame. i liked collecting the items, the meaning of the statues (n the dialog being the same as the Painful one), and the exploration leading up to the warlord fight. I chose not to fight the warlords because they were so damn strong and I like that there was recognition for not fighting back. Idk if i feel like there was a good reason for them to be there but I think it at least gives more meaning to the warlords since they didnt DO that much in the game other than to be killed. Most had barely anything to say.

For the bigger Secret at the grave for Lisa-- I liked this a lot too actually. Getting to hear from the guys their thoughts about Buddy that is from the assumed context theyre already dead here (w how Sticky's death is mentioned esp) is just kinda nice. The further content with Berny and Dusty, where Berny tells him to fight harder and to treat girls with aggression.... yeah that hits. The cycle of abuse really just continues huh. The rest of it is fine, I feel like it does give some better commentary on character's thoughts but it is quite short, and is left on a more metaphorical note with the flowering skull and whatnot.

Now is the part I see more conflict on AGAIN and I dont blame people for being conflicted about it. I didnt mind the way Buzzo talked about Brad in the original-- I dont think that writing was an actual excuse to Brad, I think it was just Buzzo trying to blame himself instead for everything (the new contents dialog with the sticky/rick/cheeks also had good to say on Brad's behavior and not excusing it but talking about the abuse of drugs in the context of that). I did feel that the conversation wasnt enough in the original though, to fully imply that he was talking like that or to give a better conversation on drug abuse. Buuut here we are w the extended new dialog with Buzzo. I did like how he started getting more depressed and angsty about Lisa! And the comment "she would have loved it here" is interesting bc i feel the implication is that she would have loved being in a world where all these men are now gone. but let me move onto the rest bc like, that matters the most here.

woof okay. So Buddy goes off when Buzzo says that which i get. However this conversation falters in the same way the whole game does. Buddy gets a LOT of talking time here. And she kind of keeps going in a way that really doesnt feel plausible you know? The new stuff added more connection between her and Lisa but its not enough to make us think she should be defending Lisa. I think there couldve been a neat exploration of all this comparing to Lisa but Joyful doesnt have that time. While I cant claim it, Buddy's rant kiiinda feels like a rant from behind the scenes with how less in character it feels. Buzzo is made far more pathetic and I don't disagree with this realization that he'd dissolve into a little pathetic man, again the game just doesnt have the time to make it work better.

and dont even get me started on Buddy's inconsistent opinion on Brad... this is like, annoying and I mentioned it in relation to the ending choices. After this new dialog rant Buddy sounds like she is forgiving Brad/coming to realize things about him that gives her more understanding. And i think that is fine BUT the issue is that right after talking to Buzzo the game returns as normal and when she sees mutant Brad approach, she reacts with genuine upset at seeing him and comments how she never wanted to see him again :/

I know at this point there is no way they could have "salvaged" Joyful for this release-- that would be too much and I dont think itd be right to get rid of the old endings entirely (Painful didnt, nor did the new content change anything about it). Its a shame- some of it was good. some of it i think they just shouldnt have done (the end buzzo fight) because it just conflicted more/kind of highlights the pacing problems. if anything i think leaving out that buzzo rant would have made the rest of that feel like it did help the pacing because it gave a pause between the ending of the game. anyways.

CHARACTERIZATIONNNN

righto. i think i covered pacing enough so i will try and leave that out of every comment i make here lol.

So like, I dont have a problem with Buddy's intentions in the game exactly. Her actions in many ways make sense... at least I would say that its fine she is very violent. That is literally the main thing Brad taught her whether or not you look at the start scene of Joyful, it reflects in how she would always be told how dangerous the world is too. The pace of course, makes this all happen so fast.

And of course the biggest hit that I think turns off many is how much talking there is. I certainly love hearing more from characters, Brad was quiet because he was brad, yet no one else needs to be quiet too so i think thats fine. But with Buddy's life it seems like she should have been quiet until her mental state and mindset shifted due to her treatment and justification of violence. even in Painful she seems relatively quiet and Joyful takes place right after pretty much.

In terms of others-- Rando is fine, like hes not that bad. We didn't know him all to well and what we know of Dusty i expected him to be a nice kid, esp w the whole adopted thing. But his back and forth with Buddy was more annoying w how short the game was (doing things, wanting to run to the other place and being stopped for a scene at the campfire by force. repeat.) I did like the whole deal with his friends and later his death too. Buzzo so i dont completely hate buzzo minus the fast jump in the new content. but he was pretty unhinged in Painful and to see it completely drop seemed wrong. i do think it make sense he probably felt loads of guilt for brad... but we just again, didnt get enough time with these characters.

Other characters? Well i mentioned it above but the warlords did NOT get much of any character. Which sucks bc if those parts alone had been extended (their area being longer or more full of interactions) i think it would have helped the game too. In terms of the other antagonist, Bolo, considering he was new for this game I think he was just fine. His role was small in a good way and honestly when he did appear it was for good moments that worked. The whole scene with him, Rando, and Buddy where Buddy tries to save Rando was probably my favorite part lol? Simply bc i think it worked well for all of their characters. For all of them I think it was my favorite moment of characterization-- Buddy's choices to drop or hold him both work for her i think. And yikes, disgusting moment with Bolo. And I will be real, I think Joyful needed that. The game was short so i wouldnt have wanted more but, Painful had it uncomfortable and gross moments and I think that is important to an extent of really pushing the importance of narrative and experiences of Buddy (and reflecting Lisa).

uhhhhh yeah i think thats most of what I can say. iirc i wasnt around for the old kickstarter but Joyful was a stretch goal right? and i heard Austin isnt exactly happy with it either? its really really a shame that it was a stretch goal that felt forced. I get why it was a tempting goal for people but.... it just sucks bc its clear that is why this game turned out the way it did. i wonder often if him not doing much else with the series is simply bc joyful had to be the "conclusion" and its not one hes exactly happy with either. tbh the series could have just been Painful and it would be fine. but if Joyful wasnt a DLC i imagine it would have been likely we'd see a full fledged sequel instead and it sucks it had to go that way. i definitely dont hate the creator for it but itsucks for everyone that even the additions in Definitive cant fix what happened already with that game.

#lisa the joyful #this ended up being 2k words LOL #lisa rpg #lisa the painful #lisa

[proofwhisky]

tw for alcoholism/addiction and abuse under the cut!

im fine im safe just venting and no you do not need to respond or like this post or anything at all, no expectations no pressure (i should just keep a journal instead) asdjfhjh

my mom's alcohol use is getting so bad she's starting to shake at work and is asking me to bring her a gatorade bottle half full of vodka to the restaurant she waits tables at. this morning she was swaying on her feet slurring her words asking me to please buy her more coke (she has me pick up for her because "it's dangerous") bc she cant survive a 12 hour shift.

for context, she stayed up all night doing 4.5 grams of cocaine and going through a hANDLE of tequila and 8 or 9 beers (maybe more, that's just the amount of empty bottles on the coffee table rn) and i resent it because she had me deep clean the entire house alone just so she could trash it with a superbowl party and get fucking blackout wasted and keep me and my partner up all night squawking about how much she hates her job with her coworker who is also an alcoholic addict.

im her indentured servant. i can only stay at her house if it "stays perfectly clean at all times" which i get and understand but now, looking back, it feels weird man. she and her fiance dont clean up after themselves so i spend hours a day cleaning up after fully grown adults instead of having time to do my own chores or personal upkeep and hobbies, or applying for work or making a resume. dont get me wrong i find time, i made a resume im applying for jobs now i try to practice guitar when i can, but i almost never have time to be here or on discord anymore because of it.

dont get me wrong, im an absolute shithead, im rude as fuck to her, we argue all the time, i make her life much harder. i don't pay rent. i don't buy groceries. i also use drugs and drink. im not an innocent victim in this situation but im still angry and scared for her, and i just wish my family was healthier so i could be close to them, but it will never happen and that makes me sad.

tl;dr my mother's chronic alcohol use is getting so bad that it is beginning to affect her work life and i am feeling used and would like to leave please

#·ˋ .♞ ( dead as always. ) ― ooc. #alcohol / #drugs / #addiction / #abuse / #negative / #vent /

[thin-wired-girl]

rant// mentions of substance use, sobriety, my brother being an unsupportive dick

my mom tried telling my brother about how long i’ve been sober from weed n alc and talk about how proud she is. and he just goes “yeah it’s just two months” and starts another conversation like my mom just told him he has to pick up milk on his way home. i hate it here.

i could’ve said that yeah i may JUST be two months sober from weed n alcohol but i nearly ended my life every day bc of it. and yeah i may JUST be two months sober from weed n alc but i’m also three months sober from shrooms and three and a half from coke and over two fucking years from xanax.

but he wouldn’t think that’s an accomplishment. he’d think it’s a damn shame that i even have to try n be sober from them in the first place. bc life for him is so easy. why would it ever be hard to not be an addict.

#rant #sobriety

[venomousocean]

Clay Puppington has a dumpington

If this is brought up at a job interview years later I will have to brace myself and hold accountability for this horrendous shit like a real woman.

For now, literature forgoing the scriptures

ahh omg tw everything wrong with clay

We already know he says slurs

Horribly misogynistic, ignorant, and the root of it all isn’t a genuine incompetence. This is no mere 1950’s self destructive alcohol; he’s self aware

Only breeds more hatred of himself, which festers and seeps into everyone. Clay copes by inflicting what he thinks he deserves on others

Average continuation of generational trauma cycle but this round has a gay boy name clay and hoo boy does he not like that

Obviously married to Bloberta, obviously didn’t marry out of love or anything. He had an idea of what a marriage was, but 50’s knowledge of empathetic humanity + fear of judgement and god+ spiraling alcoholism+ Bloberta doesn’t make for a perfect union!

Within it all he knew he was discontent with his marriage for reasons outside of it being really shitty. The good ol repression had made his feelings towards others unrecognizable

Can’t tell if it’s platonic or romantic? Befriend the men and sexually resent the women!

Tried to compensate his attraction to men with objectification of women. Men are equals to him. But women are these disgusting creatures that bind to him and glue him into a life with kids he doesn’t know how to love or raise and to the role of a husband he doesn’t want to be

If Clay was alone, though, then the world would see him for the weak man he is. The world would know he was unlovable and he wasn’t worth it

Obvi has the thing with Daniel but refuses to really commit because 1( m/m in moralton statesota?? bffr and 2( he committed to his wife and now he fucking hates his life

LETS BE REAL DANIEL GROOMED TF OUTTA CLAY

Like ok, he is obsessed with Clay. There is a difference between obsession and getting a broken man drunk before sliding your hand in his pants

The reason Clay and Daniel are a thing is the lack of options and Daniel being manipulative. And while being a more satisfying option to Clay, Daniel still provides the unhealthy relationship energy Clay is used to. It may be a man, but the toxicity is familiar and seemingly normal. Clay feels safe with the tension even if he hurts from it

Alcoholism runs in his family. He didn’t drink until meeting Bloberta because he saw how his father did with it. But if it was a fun and normal thing that a woman liked him for?

Got married, got addicted 😜 who needs to address their raging unwell when that scotch burns so good

Self harm type things occasionally. He knows he’ll have a horrific hangover, but he deserves it. He doesn’t get to be “happy” (drunk) without consequences

Headcanon he had really bad explosive fiery shits after nature. Spurting diarrhea. He drank isopropyl alcohol and lived, his asshole was melting ok. He wheeled Orel inside the house and left him at the entryway for Bloberta to get bc he had to shit

“Foul smells attract the devil” no wonder Daniel was into him bc goddamn

Shapey and Blockey (doe ass names btw feel so ridiculous typing that) (because I am) crying in the storage room from the smell. Can’t even see the vacuum through the green fog

More that could be written but kittens do need their rest. Will be back for him soon, may write brutalized angst one day

Takes a special type of shitbag to wear a robe like that. Not to mention the crimes and abuse. Poopy baby, peace ✌🏻

#clay puppington #moral orel #bloberta hymentact #bloberta puppington #daniel stopframe #clay puppington headcanons #hes not just this monster hes worse #hes self aware #asks open #fanfic #headcanon

[awokerph]

—— crawlers starters.

a remake of my old starter list based on my favourite crawlers songs from a blog ive long since deleted. feel free to change as you see fit, and stan + stream crawlers bc they are fruity as hell (minus harry we love him tho).

warnings for: alcoholism, weed, implications of an ED as well as self harm.

COME OVER (AGAIN).

"You can't fake it; that's telling."

"You're too young to know her."

"I think I'll go to sleep."

"I won't think about you."

"Come over."

"Come over again."

"I want you to know I see how you used to be before you knew me."

"I see how you used to be before you knew me."

"I'm just so sick, I can't even look at myself."

"I can't even look at myself."

"It's a mental hell."

"Take her name out of her mouth."

"You don't deserve to mourn."

"You just love the attention."

"Do you get bored?"

"Just wait 'til you're sure."

"Pity she's a whore."

MONROE.

"I hate my mirror."

"If she's pretty, then I like me."

"They act like they don't want me."

"I see you every night."

"Please, love."

"I want control."

"At least I've got my money."

"Guess all I'm worth is fucking money."

"Tell 'em to be nice."

BREATHE.

"I'm losing myself and I don't know how."

"Let me breathe!"

"Breathe."

"Will you ever learn?"

"It'll stab you in the back when your back is turned."

"We won't set ourselves in our own demise."

STATUES.

"You're the ulcer that always tends to bleed."

"We don't smoke the same weed."

"You make me so calm."

"Let the statues fall."

"Does it feel right? Does it?"

I CAN'T DRIVE.

"I drove my car off the bridge."

"Fuck it, I can't drive."

"But I like to imagine."

"I cried into her arms, I never cry like that."

"Take it from me."

"I'm not looking for anybody."

"It's loud without noise."

"I think my head hates my guts."

"It's been seven months."

"I saw you with her."

"The months felt like filler."

"I'm not angry, I just really thought you cared."

"It's only when you're drunk, you give me time to spare."

"I wanna start smoking just to feel the rush."

"I liked someone who did it once."

"I wanna get off this road I'm on."

"It's best not to think."

"I don't think of it often, not unless I drink."

"Am I the bad guy here?"

"Give it a few years."

"Give it a few years and you'll be in the backseat."

"I can't even drive."

"I just needed something to romanticise."

"My mother said she was right."

"My mother said she was right when she said "take it from me.""

I DON'T WANT IT.

"I don't want it."

"I don't."

"I can't escape it."

"Would you start to love me if I tried to lose a little weight?"

"I just want your attention."

"I'm not an addict."

"Can't you see I'm self-aware?"

"I saw your message."

"I'll ignore it."

"Life is over, not begun."

"It's not self-harm."

"It's not self-harm, we are smiling."

"I love the drinks when we're not buying."

"I'm not precious."

#roleplay meme #inbox meme #roleplay starters #roleplay #tumblr rpc #rph #roleplay help #*meme #*mine #*starter #*inbox #awokerph #alcohol tw #weed tw #eating disorder tw #ed tw #sh tw #self harm tw #do not romanticise

[postapocalyptic-cryptic]

something make my head blur

fuck it drift vent fic. usual drift warnings (self-hate, self-destruction, implied violence, addiction, abuse of drugs and alcohol)

early mtmte days. title from pavlove bc youtube said so.

sometimes, ratchet is the only kind voice in drift’s head

It’s just an argument, he tells himself, curled up under the covers on this new bed he hasn’t gotten used to yet. He can never sleep in new environments. Can’t deal with change. Broken. Needy. It’s just an argument. You’re best friends, he’ll come around. 

You’d best hope he does, the other part of Drift thinks. He’s the only one on this ship who even comes close to tolerating your presence. 

Not that anything’s surprising about that. What did you expect? You’re an ex-Con. Of course they hate you. It’d be worrying if they didn’t. 

Shut up. Shut up shut up shutupshutupshutupshutup!

Drift screams through his teeth, into his pillow. Be quiet. Be quiet be quiet. 

Everything feels so much. It hurts. 

He doesn’t want to think about fighting with Rodimus. He doesn’t want to think about fighting with anyone, how he always seems to bring out the worst in people or how they only tolerate his presence when he’s doing things for them, but he’s stuck in endless replays of the look on Rodimus’s face and the way Ultra Magnus had grabbed him earlier and how Ratchet’s here again, Ratchet who knows all the terrible things about who he was, who he is—

Stop. Stop stop stop he needs this to stop he’s panicking and he’s going to start crying and everything hurts.

Can’t you just help me with this one thing, Drift? It’s really starting to feel like I’m doing all the work, here. 

He doesn’t know the crew well enough yet to know who might have brought anything hard, but he read the manifest and he knows which boxes the high-grade is in. It would be so easy. Just half a bottle and he wouldn’t hurt so badly anymore. A whole bottle and maybe he’d actually get some sleep tonight. Suddenly, he wants so badly it’s almost as bad as the hurt and his head is a mess of memories and cravings and the fear that Rodimus will never talk to him again and he’s going to rot alone in this bunkroom so what’s the point?

Call me if you need anything, kid. I mean it. 

Call me if you need anything. 

But Ratchet doesn’t really want Drift to call. Drift knows from the raised eyebrows and the tone of voice exactly what Ratchet had meant by anything, knows Ratchet doesn’t trust him as far as he can throw him, and certainly not to stay sober or sane, and Drift just can’t. Not today. He can’t prove him right and he can’t stomach the thought of bothering one of the only mechs on this ship who’s been decent to him. He can’t. He should just find something to drink instead. It won’t hurt anything. Just one bottle Just one night. 

Just one night. 

Just—fuck it. Fuck it all to the fragging Pit. 

You’re something special, kid. 

He wants—he needs—

He calls Ratchet.

#now I'm going to listen to my dratchet playlist and make myself some tea

[gojuo]

It's going to be a bit of a silly question, unrelated to any useful discussion about HOTD in general, but I was wondering: do you think that you would get along with Aegon if you were a character in that universe? Would he frighten you because of his position as King? Would you find him off-putting? Or perhaps beautiful in a very uneasy way? I need to know!!!!

heh this is a very cute and refreshing question, anon ngl 😆 hmmm... to be honest, it would depend on whether I get isekai'd into Westeros with my own body and soul intact or whether I'd be born as a woman in that world. if it's the latter, then I wouldn't even be anywhere near close to King's Landing or be in a position to evwr be able to meet him, because I'd be either a Dornish peasant or an Essosi one lol. and also #reverseracism would win bc death to targaryens and all that jazz, y'know? the spirit of meria martell would possess me fr

for the former ... well I'd have the upper hand of already knowing all about his traumas, his grievances, his insecurities, his deepest needs and wants so it would be pretty easy for me to figure out how to worm my way into his good graces. the issue is, would I do that though? yeahhhhhh... I wouldn't wanna get close to him. there are just too many moral lines I will not cross and personal beliefs I would never compromise in order to become friends with a man like him. alcoholics, addicts, philanderers/cheaters, sexual harasser (book) or rapists (show), the richest of the richest of the rich .... these are not the kinds of people I want to get involved with or have present in my life. our morals would clash, and if he were a real person right in front of me? I wouldn't respect him, at all, and you can't have any sort of positive relationship with a person you don't respect.

he's too degenerate and crass (I hated how he spoke to Baela, it was gross), and in the show he's a rapist now (literally why would I ever want a rapist for a friend) and in book canon he's described as having wandering hands. I don't think any woman can be friends with a guy like that, least of all a woman like me who has a zero tolerance for bullshit attitude with a background in kickboxing and a really short fuse. I'd punch him in the face if he ever tried anything on me and the next day I'd be walking to the gallows for having the audacity to put my hands on a prince of the realm 😭😭😭

maybe not the answer you were expecting considering how much I defend Aegon on here, but my like for the character does not come from the belief that he's a good guy or something (bc he's not) nor that he deserves better, no. the reason I like Aegon the character so much is because he was born to be doomed. from the day alicent and viserys married, he was doomed. he never stood a chance. his fate was already decided long before he was conceived. he had no say in his own destiny. and I love that type of character. I just really love characters who are doomed. it's a tragedy I enjoy seeing unfold and getting to see the human psyche unravel because of it tugs at my heartstrings. so I love Aegon The Fictional Character for the tragic fate he's doomed to live, but I would never get along with or want to be friends with Aegon The Person

#anonymous #answered

[faith--in-the-future]

Hey. I know you 100% mean well and you treat all your anons with respect and the assumption that they mean well too, That makes you a good person. But the whole Louis is an addict thing comes entirely from Harries, not least the appalling zot3 who makes up a major part of the destroy-Louis nutters project all on her own. The idea that he’s permanently drunk is demonstrably stupid and untrue along with every other insane accusation against Louis they’ve hurled against the wall in the hope it’d stick, but it’s become about the only thing they have left to attack Louis on, after the success of his last tourThat’s not to say some genuine Louies haven’t taken it up too now but maybe that shows how young or naive they are. Louis comes from a UK working class culture and a generation that views alcohol as generally fun, not as a fast track to addiction. A lot of people can drink a lot on nights out and thats it. No hurtling toward the gutter. A bottle of vodka on the table in rehearsals. So what? What time of day or night was that taken? Why the assumption it’s there just for Louis? The OTT puritanism and extreme safety-ism of subsequent generations hasn’t bitten Louis or the people he works with. And btw drinking to party or just to relax and smoking a bit of weed is quite a bit safer than the kind of substances Harry promotes and those same faux pearl clutchers defend. Louis smokes far too much, yes, but that’s a stress thing I suspect. He’ll make an effort to stop if he wants to. And a lot of singers smoke. It’s not new sadly. Bowing to bad actors making huge deliberately destructive claims about addiction, worrying well meaning younger fans, is a huge gift to the inadequates who need to hate him and genuinely suffer when they see how brilliant his tours are and how happy he makes his fans.

bestie I know all this, that's why I said these conversations would go differently if everyone had good intentions!

I've just decided to not answer an anon I just got bc I could tell from their tone they're one of those assholes who'd rejoice in louis actually suffering from serious conditions and those are just not people I'm willing to speak with

but at other times I think there's fans (and people) who are genuinely just not informed on the matter and who are genuinely worried for him bc they Care and I think it could be useful to have these conversations for them !

also in general i think people forget that fans are people too and we all live in the world so what people learn within the context of fandom is still something that they will take with them in the world and that shapes how they will act and that's why I think the narratives people create here are extremely important and not just silly things about some celebrities! that's why I always expand the conversations from just talking about louis or harry or liam etc to also point out the deeper issues that are driving these choices and these conversations whether that is capitalism, hyper individualism, selfishness, rainbow washing, victim blaming, addiction stigma, mental illness, misogyny etc those are all really huge issues and real ways of living and thinking that inform people's behavior and actions in this fandom just as much as they do in the real world and I try to make an effort to speak about them hoping that if I even manage a little to make someone question their beliefs then I am making a small difference

anyways all this to say that I get where you're coming from and I do try to pick the right anons to answer and to make it harder to derail the conversations into just hater territory even if I don't always succeed rip but I also think it's important to call things what they are and to not minimize the risks of ALL substance abuse just as its important to defend those people's rights as human beings!

also remembering that like I mentioned, we can't diagnose anyone without actually knowing them and a few pictures or videos of someone are definitely not enough to declare anyone anything!

#ask #anon #hope this makes sense

[harrietbarnesblog]

hello :) i hope your reqs are open! im a little new to this, could i request peter parker and reader are besties with feelings and reader starts smoking bc her friend peer pressures her? and peter is concerned and wants her to stop and take care of herself. fluff angsty please and thank you so much in advance 💛

Hurts to see you like this

Masterpost

Masterlist

Taglist

Pairing: Peter Parker x reader

Warning: mention of smoking and drinking, angst, fluff in the end, swearing, peer pressure,

People say being in high school is so fun. But it is not. It is total shit. You don't really see how it is fun getting stressed by the things you gotta study, your parents constantly nagging you to get good marks, worried you won't be able to meet everyone's expectations from you, a fear you would disappoint everyone, and finally peer pressure.

Parties. You hate it. Too many people and music playing too loud. You say that you aren't interested in parties to your classmates when they invite you to one, they start saying hurtful things. They pressure you until you give in and attend the party.

And when you attend it they pressure you into making you drink alcohol. And you drink because you don't wanna seem like a coward or something. And then they slowly pressure you into smoking. And you get hooked on it. you start using it as a coping mechanism.

Peter never fell into the trap of peer pressure. You admire that about him. You wished you were like him.

You didn't tell Peter that you started smoking. He would be so pissed if he knew about that. You would try to tell him but back away thinking of what he will think of you.

A month passed and you pretended like you don’t smoke and didn't have feelings for Peter while Peter pretended like he didn't know about you smoking. Of course Peter knows about it, he has seen you sitting on the avenger’s tower roof with a cigar in your hand while he went for a stroll at night as spiderman. He was truly deeply concerned about you.

Gathering up the courage Peter decided to confront you. Tapping his leg, leaning the side of the elevator, he waited for the elevator to reach your floor.

Tony was doing some work in the living room when Peter got out of the elevator.

“Hello Mr.Stark. Is y/n here?” he asked.

“Yeah in her room, underoos.”

“Thank you, Mr.Stark.”

“You are welcome, kiddo.” he said, carrying on with his work.

Peter knocked on your door and waited for your reply.

“Come in.” you shouted from inside. Peter entered the room. You were sitting on your bed with your laptop on your lap.

“Hi peter.” you greeted him, smiling cheerfully. He didn't say anything, he just started going through your things. The smile on your face turned to a frown.

“Hey what are you doing?” you said. You placed the laptop down , standing up. “Peter, what the fuck are you doing?”

He picked out a box of cigarettes from your bag and threw it in front of you. The blood in your face drained.

“You know what that is?”

You didn't reply to him, your stomach churned.

“That's the shit you have been smoking for a month and forgot to mention to me or are you using it for more than a month?.” he asked you angrily.

“Peter…” you tried to make words come out of your mouth but you couldn't. You felt like someone was choking.

“Do you have any idea how concerned I have been? I waited for you to tell me about it when you are comfortable. But you never did. You got addicted to that shit. That thing could kill you.” he ranted on and on.

"Hurts to you see like this, y/n." His voice was filled with worry.

Your nails dug into your palm.

“Are you even listening to me?”

"You're making me feel fucking stupid. Like I have gone crazy." you spoke up.

“I'm not.”

“But it feels like that.”

“I'm just trying to show you that I care about you and you should stop smoking.”

“I tried. Ii tried to stop but I couldn't. I really tried, peter.” you start to cry. All the emotion you bottled up exploded. “I feel so pressured. I promised myself I wouldn't smoke again when I tried it for the first time. But they pressured me again and kinda got addicted. I Started using it as a coping mechanism. But I wanna stop. I need help.” Peter held you in arms as you sobbed.

“It's okay. We will figure this out together, I will help you.” he said.

“You will?” you asked, staring into his eyes.

“Yes.”

You didn't know what got into you, you kissed him on his soft lips. To your surprise he kissed you back. When you pulled he had a small smile on his face. He wiped the tears off your face.

“It's alright, okay. Now you are going to sleep because you need rest.” he said.

“But peter…”

“No buts.”

He closed your laptop and placed it on your table.

He sat on the bed. You placed your head on his lap. He ran his hands through your hair. You fell asleep n. Admiring you, Peter smiled. Soon he drifted to sleep.

Tony knocked on your door to check on you two but didn't get any response from you two. He opened the door to find you sleeping on Peter who was also asleep in an awkward position.

Tony took your soft cotton sheet on top so you don't get cold. He took another sheet for Peter and put it on him. He turned off the lights and went out of the room leaving you to sleep peacefully.

Taglist :

@sleutherclaw

@wobblymug

@randomwriter1021

@simpingbutch

@marvel-lover-shel

@luciamikael

@plutoneu

@idli-dosa

@it-is-rebel-owl-ma-dudes

@lizzieann143

@aleksanderwh0r3

@momorikki

@equivocalshit

@vousty

@blankspaceblankday

@lineelilii

@slutfortasmpeter

@dianaadanelyleon

@rophelia

@ssophiebirkas

@elizabethluna27

@stariightjoyy

@raajali3

@littlsstuff

#peter parker imagine #peter parker x reader #peter parker angst #peter parker #peter parker x y/n #peter parker x you #peter parker reader insert #peter parker requests #requested