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dragonwritersblog · 9 months

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These Hands Of Yours (Let Me Protect Them)

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For @xhanisai after I reblogged this post and immediately came up with this after the S5 finale. I have many thoughts but the main one was mostly “MARINETTE MY GIRL YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER!” but yeah, I decided to base this after the finale because I feel like it fits with that post that she made. I managed to write this with the help of the caffeine from my tea, my remaining will to live and the neuro-spicy brain juice swirling around in my head. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this Akari!

The image of her tears-stained cheeks, red eyes and running nose was something Adrien didn’t think he was going to get out of his head for quite some time. He had comforted both Marinette and Ladybug many times before for different reasons, but this was the first time he comforted the same person on both sides of the mask.

It had started earlier this evening when they were both on patrol, Ladybug had met up with them at their agreed spot on a rooftop. The first sign he noticed something was wrong was how tense she was. Sure, she had her signature sweet smile and adorable sass, but her grin seemed more strained, and her quips were forced rather than seamlessly rolling off her tongue.

When asking her if she was alright, she brushed it off with a nervous laugh and swung away to start patrol. Chat Noir thought about chasing after her, but decided against it, knowing that if he continued to press on about it, the less willing she would be to tell him what was going on. They met up again twenty minutes later, but this time the sass and smile were gone, replaced with a face clouded with gloom and her posture slouched. He asked again if she was sure she was okay, only to be given a single nod before Ladybug attempted to swing away again; key word, attempted. For when she threw the end of her yoyo and prepared to jump, her clumsiness seemed to strike, and she nearly lost her footing. If it hadn’t been for Chat Noir’s quick reflexes and grabbed her wrist to pull her away, there was a definite chance she would’ve been injured.

He asked her one last time if she was okay and something inside her seemed to snap. Her eyes began to water, and her bottom lip trembled before launching herself into his chest and began to sob, strained cries ripping from her throat. Chat immediately scooped her up into his arms and walked over to a chimney, sitting them both down with her in his lap as he stroked her hair.

“I’m s-sorry, I’m so sorry!” she wailed, her tears leaking onto his leather covered shoulders as she buried her face into his neck.

“Shhh,” he buried his claws into her hair, gently taking out her hair ties and began stroking through the soft dark locks to sooth her, “You don’t need to apologize, you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“You don’t understand!” she hiccupped, her small hands gripping the back of his suit as her entire body began to shake with more sobs, “I was stupid, I was really stupid this time Chat!”

Another tremor wracked through her body, causing Chat Noir to start purring, hoping that the vibrations would ease the panic threating to bubble to the surface. The purring seemed to be working, for he felt her trying to even out her breathing, though it seemed that she struggled as she would let out a cry once in a while that just shattered his heart every time he heard it. “Whatever it is, we can get through this together like we always do.”

“Not this time Chat!” she whimpered, “It’s just gonna make things worse if I say it. Everyone’s already so happy I can’t say it.”

“Then don’t say it to everyone,” he took one of her hands, his thumb stroking the top as her face peeled away from her shoulder to look at him, “Just say it to me, and let the rest just follow.”

“I…he…he should hate me!” she sniffled.

“Who?”

“Adrien!” her chest began to heave again as her other hand clawed at her face, “He should hate me for what I did!”

“Adrien Agreste?” Chat Noir inquired, starting to put the pieces together, “If this is about what happened to his father, Gabriel made that choice to help save the city. It’s not your fault, he doesn’t hate you for that.”

While true, a part of him was still grieving the loss of his father, he was glad that in those remaining moments his true self came to light for what he would do for his family. With that information in mind, it was something he could live with. However, it seemed that what he said just made his Lady feel worse as ripped her hand that was held in his to claw at her neck as she cried harder.

“No, no, no!” She began to rock back and forth, red marks were starting to contrast against her pale skin on her jaw, making Chat Noir grab her hands into his own large ones so she wouldn’t cause further damage to herself. “He shouldn’t have died; I shouldn’t have let him die! Then the wish wouldn’t-”

She clamped her mouth shut, praying that Chat Noir didn’t hear that last part. Unfortunately, his enhanced hearing was able to catch those last few words, the boy turning to her slowly. “What do you mean about the wish?” his tone was slow and steady.

“I-I didn’t…that wasn’t what I…t-that’s not what I meant to say-”

“-Ladybug,” she nearly jumped at the sound of his voice, the intensity making her nerves twist again, “What do you mean about the wish?”

He didn’t look or seem angry, but she knew that this was a conversation that he wasn’t going to change. Trying to compose herself as much as she could, she began to explain.

“He-he tricked me,” her own voice seemed to start shaking, “M-Monarch tricked me.” She felt his claws trail up and down her back to try and relieve some of her panic as her stuttering continued. “He tricked me. He tricked me. He tricked me.”

“It’s okay,” he whispered. He thinks he has a bit of an idea now. “Monarch is nothing but evil. He would do anything to get what he wants. Don’t blame yourself for Monarch making Gabriel sacrifice himself, you did all that you could.”

It didn’t seem to make her feel better, her eyes were still wide open and spilling tears as her breathing worsened. She began to shake her head. “Monarch tricked me. Monarch tricked me!” she turned to meet his gaze, “Gabriel was the trick!”

Chat Noir raised a brow in confusion. How was Gabriel the trick? His thoughts were interrupted as Ladybug’s rambles became more frantic.

“Monarch tricked me! Gabriel tricked me. Gabriel tricked me. He tricked me!”

A pit began to form in his stomach. No, no there’s no way. It felt like pieces of a puzzle starting to finally click together. Or to put it more simply, two men – two horrible men – began to mould into one monster. It was only confirmed when Ladybug opened her mouth again.

“Gabriel is…was Monarch,” she gripped his hands as the memory flooded back into her mind, “He started saying these things and I though that maybe, just maybe, there was still some good him. How could I be such an idiot?! To fall for a few nice words and suddenly it’s enough for me to give him Tikki and Plagg!”

Chat wanted to tell her that she wasn’t an idiot, that he understood being manipulated by that man – if you could even call him that at this point – that she did everything that she could in that moment. But at the same time, Monarch was his father! He had spent the last few weeks wondering how he could ever live up to how great his father was in his sacrifice. When in reality, there was no sacrifice, just an act of cowardice and his lady was left to pick up the pieces. He forced himself to repress a disgusted shudder. No wonder she looked like she was about to break down the minute he saw her arrive.

“How can he look at me like that?!” she asked aloud, the question not being directed to anyone, “Even when I keep lying to him?!”

Chat Noir tucked a loose stray hair behind her ear, “Lying to who? About what?”

“Adrien,” the name alone made his breath hitch, “Every time I see him, he just looks at me as though I handed the world to him by just simply being there, and he doesn’t even know what I’ve been keeping from him!”

Oh, that made sense…wait. Adrien hadn’t seen Ladybug since she gave him his father’s ring. The way she was speaking about him was as if they had seen each other many times before. Did he know her outside of the mask? Could he even be that lucky?

“I don’t know if I can keep doing this,” she continued, “I don’t know if I can handle him looking at me like that whenever we’re at school, or play video games at each other’s houses, I don’t think I can be able to keep it together when he takes me to the little coffee shop down the street that he knows that I adore. He’s done so much for me, cares so much for me and yet I’m doing this to him, and he doesn’t even know what a horrible person I am!”

School…coffee shop…dates…A chill rushes through his veins, realisation seeping in. The girl he was holding in his arms, her hands glued to his in a desperate sign practically begging not to be alone, was someone that he knew far closer to him than any of his friends. Someone who he knew that already had so much on her hands that just got piled on after everything that was said to him. It can’t be.

“I SHOULDN’T BE LADYBUG!”

Was the last thing that tore from Marinette’s throat as her suit disappeared, leaving behind the love of his life in her pyjamas, Tikki nuzzling her cheek to try and calm her as the wave of panic and weeping returned.

He drops everything that was circling in his mind - his father, the wish, his Lady’s identity – and wraps Marinette up in his arms as much as he can, purring and keeping her as warm as he can with his body heat. Her left arm was wrapped round his torso while he kept a hold of her right hand in his own. He takes a look at her ungloved hand, hundreds of little scars leaving their marks on her skin, leaving a mocking reminder of how much she failed that day.

The fact that Monarch…no…the fact that his father was so selfish and vile that he went out of his way to not only emotionally damage, but to go as far as to try to physically damage his Lady just for a wish. Was his own son not enough? Was he that self-centred to ignore his only family left while claiming that he was doing this for his child? How could he use that to justify hurting and manipulating such a sweet and kind person as Marinette?!

“This is my fault,” she whispers, her voice raspy and sounding sore, “This is all my fault. He should hate me, I’m a terrible person and a terrible Ladybug.”

“No,” Chat Noir shook his head, a slight growl escaping with the word.

“I’m really sorry,” she whimpered, “I should’ve told you; you have every right to be angry with me, you’re my partner, you deserve to know.”

Did she…did she think his anger was directed at her? “Oh Mari,” he pressed his lips to her hair, “I have no reason to be angry with you. Never, ever blame yourself for the cruelty of others. You don’t need to apologise for any of Gabriel’s actions.”

He takes her other hand and clasps them in his again, making sure that her attention was focused on him and only him. “Since the moment I met you, you’ve been pressured to put the weight of Paris on your shoulders. From our friends to the other civilians, even yourself, it might not have been said out loud, but you definitely felt them giving you that responsibility. You are so strong; I’ve seen the remarkable things that you have accomplished with your hands. How you’ve protected so many people, to figuring out any lucky charm thrown your way, to even fighting the most feral akumas. But it’s also left its impact on you as well, and eventually, the weight that your hands have carried for so long has started to take effect. It doesn’t make you weak, no, however it is something that you don’t have to do alone. We’re the bug and cat team, we’re meant to share the weight, not take the burden from the other. And know that I know, I’m gonna make sure that you never feel such a weight again, both in and out the suit.”

She tilts her head in confusion before a flash of green made her squint and look away. When she looked back, she gasped, for there in front of her, in his pyjamas and zip-up hoodie, was none other than the boy she swore to protect from all the darkness she held so that he would never be burdened with. “Adrien?”

He pressed a kiss to her hand, “Hi Princess.”

Her eyes filled with tears again, she tried to make sure that Adrien would never find out about this, not at the expense of his happiness and now she managed to screw that up as well.

He was more prepared this time when she let out more apologies, taking off his hoodie, wrapped her up in it and pressed her face to his chest as he tightly embraced her. He purred louder and more even to make sure she was relaxed. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry Adrien!” she blubbered out as he rocked them back and forth, “I should’ve told you, but you were finally happy! Finally free with your life and I didn’t want to take that from you!”

“It’s alright, shh, it’s gonna be alright,” he let her continue to sob, his main priority at this point was her and taking care of her, “I’m okay, we’re okay, it’s not your fault.”

A few minutes later, her sobs turned to quiet sniffles. He took another look at her face, his stomach twisting when he saw just how exhausted she was, the guilt had really taken an ugly toll on her. Tikki was still cradled in the crook of her neck, having fallen asleep while soothing her holder. He stood up, holding her in his arms as he called out for his transformation phrase and jumped off the rooftop, making his way back to the bakery.

Once he landed on her balcony, he released his transformation again before going through her trapdoor window and gently placing her onto the bed.

He lifted her upper body he raised her duvet and placed her under it, making sure she was wrapped up safe and warm before joining her under her blankets, wrapping her up in his arms again and resumed his purring. Tikki had woken up and moved from Marinette’s neck to her hair, Plagg joining her as he buried himself in her dark locks and he began to purr as well.

Adrien could feel her body struggling to relax, constantly shifting from trying to letting herself by soothed by the warmth and love she was being given to stiffening back up again as though she didn’t feel as though she were allowed to.

His brows furrow in concentration, forming a plan in his head on just how to help his princess within this moment. He looked at their hands again, having conjoined again while in the midst of her much needed cuddles. He raised her dainty pale hand to his lips, gently pressing them against the tips of her fingers, making her look up at him and pausing her internal dilemma.

“I’m not surprised that you’re Ladybug,” he told her, “I mean, I am a bit shocked at the sudden reveal, but it makes so much sense that you’re her. The kindness with how you treat civilians, the creativity when figuring out any lucky charm thrown at you, not taking any nonsense from anyone – all of that comes from Marinette.”

He presses two more kisses to the back of her hand and laid it on her pillow and started stroking her palm in small circles with his thumb, taking notice that she was focused on the lazy motions and the soothing feeling it gave her. “It comes from everything I’ve seen you do outside of the mask,” he continued, “How you treat our friends and students outside of our class to make sure everyone is happy, coming up with ideas for not only your fashion but with baking, drawing and so many other projects, and you refuse to let others be walked over and stand up for those who aren’t able to do it themselves. All that comes from you! And all those amazing things come from your amazing hands.”

She tried to smile; it wavered a little, but she wanted to show how much his words meant to her. She wanted to believe him, she wanted to believe him so badly! So why wouldn’t the final image of Gabriel leave her mind?! Why did it have to keep reminding her of how much she failed.

She curled in on herself, the brainstorm building up again. Luckily, Adrien seemed to take notice. “But those hands have been hurt way before you became Ladybug, haven’t they?” he asked, making her thoughts pause as she peered up at him through her eyelashes.

“Despite saving the city multiple times, its far from the first time your hands have been used in that way,” he brushed his thumb over a faded scar, one that he noticed from the first time he met Marinette. Back during the hat contest, before everything, when he gently brushed his hand against hers to take her winning hat, he saw it on the top of her hand and was curious as to how it got there, but he didn’t want to pry. Now, after knowing all she went through, he had a bit of an idea on how she received it.

“All those years that you had to defend yourself from Chloe’s ruthlessness to the point you were terrified to go to school, and then Lila trying to do the same to you as well. Not to mention, you always tried to take on everyone’s problems, whether if its Kim and Ivan fighting, or Alix trying to pick a fight with someone, you’ve constantly found solutions to the point that they just keep coming back to you for help,” he continued, “They see you as the only way to fix a problem instead of trying to figure it out themselves. I know that you’re afraid of our friends getting akumatised, but you can’t take on everybody else’s burdens if you’re already being dragged down by your own.”

Marinette whimpered, every word he was saying was ringing so true that it hurt to listen to. Adrien sensed her distress and pressed a few more gentle kisses to her cheeks and forehead; he knew she had to hear this, but he knew that there was already going on in that head of hers for her to finally be confronted with both her greatest strength yet biggest flaw.

“And now knowing that you had to defend yourself from my father, both with and without a miraculous,” a bitter taste formed in his mouth as he remembered how Ladybug tried to fight Hawkmoth after Tikki and Plagg took back their miraculous. His father might not have known it was Marinette at that time, but he did know that the person he was fighting at the time was defenceless and vulnerable to the extreme damage he inflicted. “The fact that he would do that to you, that he tried to go out of his way to hurt you and then proceeded to trick you…...I’m so sorry Marinette. I’m sorry that you’ve kept this to yourself just so you could protect me but,” he looked at the scars on her hands again, the ones that Gabriel left there permanently, “No one was there to protect you from what he did.”

“-But you’ve already protected me for so long!” Marinette injected, the sudden volume startling Adrien a little bit, “You’ve already done so much for me, even when I pushed you away you were always by my side even when I didn’t deserve it. Even after keeping this from, you, how could you still want to be my partner…I don’t deserve this.”

He pressed a finger to her lips; she looked up as their eyes locked with one another, anxious blue met a frustrated green, but not at her. “Don’t ever say that again,” he murmured, his voice low and laced with both hurt and concern, “You deserve so much more than you’ve been given. You barely ask for anything, nothing even, and yet no one can even give you that.” He brought her hands to his chest, right above where she could feel his heart drumming softly, “You are so incredible, so talented, so amazing. And it hurts to watch that being stripped away every day, as Marinette and Ladybug. You think that you need to take on so much more than you already do, that you have to feel this horrible, but you don’t! Ladybug wasn’t meant to be on her own and neither was Marinette. You don’t need to do this alone anymore Princess…please, let me in, let me help you, let me share and protect the world that is threatening to fall out of your hold.”

“I-I-I,” her voice broke a little, the weight of his words was hitting harder than she thought it would, giving her a sense of peace and relief that she hadn’t felt in so long. But she knew that she wouldn’t be able to hold onto it forever, something was going to make him realise that she was a terrible partner, and he would finally realise that. “I can’t. I can’t take your happiness away after you fought so hard for it, I can’t let you be dragged down with me. I should’ve been smarter that day, I could’ve found another way – I could’ve! That way you don’t have to be here now to feel burdened by me!”

“I can assure you that never have, or will, burden me with anything,” he let go of her hands and wrapped both of his arms around her smaller form in a silent promise of never letting her go. “I’m here because I want to be. Gabriel has always found a way to trick others for years, he tricked us both when he first thought he was Hawkmoth, he’s managed to talk his way in and out of situations without anyone batting an eye and he has manipulated me for years into thinking that I was wrong about everything. And the fact that all of Paris believes that he’s some kind of hero while you’re suffering in silence after everything he put you through just proves how much of a monster he is. And I feel sick knowing that I believed that too for a while.”

Marinette shuffled in his arms. Ever since she became Ladybug, defeating Hawkmoth was the only goal she knew that she had to complete. She sacrificed everything in order to do that, her hobbies, her love life, even herself to some degree. And yet when the time came, she failed. Part of him just wanted Adrien to scream at her, tell her that she messed up and messed up bad. But seeing him look at her with the utmost love after she thought he would hate her for keeping these secrets and failing to complete the most important task of their lives, even after finding out that Hawkmoth was his father, a part of herself felt as though he were telling the truth about everything he said in that moment.

He let one of his arms fall and clasped her hand again, bringing it to his lips, “You’re not alone anymore Marinette. No matter what the future holds for us, we’re going to go through this together. You didn’t mess up; you didn’t fail, and you deserve to be happy. I’m here now, so please, let me take care of you as you took care of me and everyone else,” he gently pressed his lips to her knuckles as one more promise, “It’s you and me against the world.”

The dams broke once more as Marinette buried her head in his chest, wailing once more as he gripped her tightly with as much protection as he could give her in this moment. He let her cry as much as she needed to, stroking her hair as she got everything else out of her system while whispering and presses comforting kisses to her forehead.

A while passed before her cries turned to whimpers and her whimpers turned into soft, even breathes. Looking down, he saw that she had cried herself to sleep. Judging by the bags under her eyes and how deep she seemed to be in her dreamlike state, this was probably this first time she properly slept since her battle with Hawkmoth.

Her arms were tightly wrapped around him, as though she were begging him to stay – as if he could ever leave her after what happened. With one arm wrapped her waist and the other round the back of her head, he cuddled softly into her, relishing in the soft content noise that left her throat. The kwamis retreated to the other side of the pillows, giving their holders much needed space while close enough in case they needed them.

Before he allowed himself to fall asleep however, internally, Adrien made one more promise to her. I won’t let this happen to you again Marinette, not after this. No matter what, I’ll keep you safe and never let your hands carry that type of weight ever again. Now that I’m free for him, nothing will stop me from protecting you or leaving your side.

Only after making that promise, did he join her in sleep.

(In the morning.

“Plagg, how do you cataclysm a dead person?”

“Adrien I just woke up what the fuck.”)

I am so sorry it took this long! I swear I should’ve gotten it out sooner but it’s here now and I hope you like it! <3

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