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bvlavender · 4 years

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A Story A Day Keeps COVID Away – 07/18/20: sleep with me

no, not like that. be so comfortable with me that you would fall asleep feeling warm and safe with me beside you.

I want you to lie next to me squeeze my hand run your fingers through my hair hold me close and let me do the same to you.

"magic in bed" as in teach me magic tricks under the sheets. "show me how to have a good time" by helping me build a blanket fort. "make love" by loving me the way I want to be loved.

and I hope that you'd love being loved that way too.

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bvlavender · 4 years

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A Story A Day Keeps COVID Away – 08/29/20: The Perfect Match

I close my eyes. Concentrate.

The perfect boy. What does he look like?

Tall, dark, handsome. The fairest of them all. Acne-scarred. Crooked teeth. Disheveled. Neat. Stocky. Beanpole. Vintage. Trendy. Pale. Tan. Kinky hair. Fluffy hair. Straight hair. His eyes-

Look into his eyes.

They’re not there. Nothing is there. It’s a blank avatar, a mental mannequin I’ve been playing dress up with.

What color are his eyes?

My eyelids scrunch in frustration. I groan, and take some deep breaths.

A different approach, then. The perfect girl. And instead of looks – what’s her personality?

Soft, comforting. Hard, grounding. Vibrant. Muted. Outgoing. Reclusive. Dense. Perceptive. Mysterious as the sea, with hidden depths. As open as the sky, yet tempestuous. When she touches me-

Hold her hand.

It’s vapour. Mist in my mind. I reach towards the image that was never there. How can I make it seem real?

Tilt your head to hers. Run your hands up her waist. Kiss he-

No. I can’t do this.

You can do this.

I can’t.

Kiss her. Deepen the kiss. Slip your tongue into-

I snap. My eyes fly open, and my breaths are so short and panicked that I want to scream. How can this be so hard for me? It shouldn’t be this hard for me.

Imagine the perfect match.

I don’t want-

Imagine it.

Someone who would love me. Someone who would care about me. Someone I would want to hold in my arms.

Someone who will kiss you. Someone who will marry you. Someone who will have sex with you.

A million different outfits flicker through my mind’s eye. Skin tones, hair, body type, butch, femme, but there’s no one there, no one is there-

You’re in bed together.

I’m not there. It’s not me who’s doing those things. It’s my fantasy, and yet, it’s not me.

You are kissing them passionately.

I try to claw my way back into my own imagination, even as I grow more and more detached from it.

You are getting undressed. You are undressing them.

And-

I don’t feel anything.

Why-

Why I can’t feel anything?

…

What’s wrong with me?!

I stop. Force my head to clear, even as my thoughts race.

Everybody loves someone like that! Why can’t I love someone like that? Why does it feel so wrong?

Force my thoughts to clear, because they’re making my heart race.

I don’t want this.

But maybe, someday,

You will.

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bvlavender · 4 years

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A Story A Day Keeps COVID Away – 11/09/20: Container

All I am is what you want from me.

I know there's more to me than this, but.

I'm boxed in too cramped to feel my self.

#astoryadaykeepsCOVIDaway #coronavirus #covid-19 #writing #poetry #writers on tumblr #tricube #trapped #boxed in feeling #it’s nice when format and content complement each other

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bvlavender · 3 years

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A Story A Day Keeps COVID Away – 12/01/20: i made up the light at the end of the tunnel

what is left of this battered body and shattered mind will find (should find, must find) a reason to stay alive. no light, no life, no sight but that which i wish to see: a time, abstract, before me, where i can laugh, love, and be whole once more.

#astoryadaykeepsCOVIDaway #coronavirus #covid-19 #writing #poetry #writers on tumblr #writing ‘12’ in the month slot #made me hesitate #2020 really is almost over #not even going to have an opinion on 2021 #lord knows how well that’ll go

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bvlavender · 4 years

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A Story A Day Keeps COVID Away – 10/11/20: Bliss

What have I done for this kiss? I don't deserve to have such bliss.

How could I ever be worth you? I don't deserve to have your bliss.

My life has never felt worth living- and yet, I can't deny this bliss.

Your love makes me want to love me. Someday, I will accept this bliss.

#astoryadaykeepsCOVIDaway #coronavirus #covid-19 #writing #poetry #writers on tumblr #love #romantic #romance #bliss #I have recently learned about a new poetic form called #ghazal #thought I’d try it out #shout out to my best friend who told me about it #I hope your poetry class has been going well

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bvlavender · 4 years

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A Story A Day Keeps COVID Away – 10/23/20: None of it

In the end, nothing really matters. All we can do is love and love until our hearts stop beating and our bones turn to dust. My memory is fleeting, but it's enough. You lived in it.

#astoryadaykeepsCOVIDaway #coronavirus #covid-19 #writing #poetry #writers on tumblr #love #nothing matters #nonet #“nonet” sounds like “none of it”#which is what inspired this #the phrase itself was in the poem #but got cut to fit the syllable count #it lives on in the title

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bvlavender · 3 years

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A Story A Day Keeps COVID Away – 11/20/20: This isn’t just about French

Girls are feminine, boys are masculine and it's always been that way.

Dresses are feminine, suits are masculine, and that's how it's supposed to be.

Chairs are feminine, beds are masculine, and you'll just have to live with that.

Tables are feminine, walls are masculine, and there's nothing you can do about it.

Doors are feminine, ovens are masculine, and gender is made-up nonsense.

But it's also important, so learn about it, and make sure you get pronouns right.

#astoryadaykeepsCOVIDaway #coronavirus #covid-19 #writing #poetry #writers on tumblr #gender #transgender #trans #nonbinary #Transgender Day of Remembrance #trans lives matter #nonbinary trans lives matter #trans rights #nonbinary trans rights #MY COMPUTER CRASHED WHEN I FINISHED THIS POEM AND IT DIDN’T SAVE #the sheer demoralization #(and time it took to reboot)#cost me 2 hours and a half-decent sleep time

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bvlavender · 4 years

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A Story A Day Keeps COVID Away – 11/11/20: Elegy to an Empty Bedside

Your weight shifted from beside me to inside me.

The sheets are too cold without you to pull them away.

I curl up beside the empty space and try to remember your warmth.

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bvlavender · 4 years

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A Story A Day Keeps COVID Away – 10/06/20: casual

holding hands, leaning on her shoulder, twirling your fingers in his hair, kissing for no reason-

sudden, spontaneous, casual, intimate love.

seeing it does something to my chest.

i'm happy for you and i think i'm jealous

#astoryadaykeepsCOVIDaway #coronavirus #covid-19 #writing #poetry #writers on tumblr #love #relationship #romantic #romantic relationship #platonic #platonic relationship #affection #physical affection #touch starved #i hope you have someone who loves you the way that you need to be loved #and i hope you love them back #good night

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bvlavender · 4 years

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A Story A Day Keeps COVID Away – 09/13/20: Spot

There is a spot between us where my racing head lies upon your sleeping heart.

I would do anything for that spot where the warmth of our bodies rest together, yours and mine.

I would die for the sake of that spot, for it fills me with a comfort worth living for.

I will fight for the peace that comes with that spot, with knowing you are next to me, lovely, loving me.

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bvlavender · 4 years

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A Story A Day Keeps COVID Away – 10/09/20: Love Poem

Shall I compare thee to a – to a… hm.

O my Luve is like a red, red, rose, because it’s… red. And pretty like you? Oh, damn it all.

How do I love thee? … How do I love thee? I love thee the way one loves a laugh that makes one light with life, a laugh that fills one up until I’m thinking of nothing but the way that laugh tips your head and shows your smile and sounds like my heart’s symphony sung in a way I’ve never heard before.

I love thee the way that makes one spontaneously write poems that make me feel so vulnerable that maybe I’ll crumple up this sheet of paper and never give it to you.

#astoryadaykeepsCOVIDaway #coronavirus #covid-19 #writing #poetry #writers on tumblr #love #romance #romantic #confession #i’m so sleepy

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bvlavender · 4 years

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A Story A Day Keeps COVID Away – 10/16/20: Cobblestone

We don't look great, we don't all match, we're pretty scuffed, and rather rough.

Come together last forever through the weather altogether.

It shouldn't work the way it does, but we're close and that's enough.

#astoryadaykeepsCOVIDaway #coronavirus #covid-19 #writing #poetry #writers on tumblr #i’ll be the first to admit that this is Not Great #but I’m tired #so #good night #and to the friend i’ve pushed into the abyss?#i await you at the bottom #...the tags are better written than this piece

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bvlavender · 4 years

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A Story A Day Keeps COVID Away – 08/28/20: out of my mind

i'm going out of my mind but i'm already out of my mind feeling nothing, being nothing, as i am out of my mind and if i'm out of my mind then i'm not out of my mind i am gone, far away, to a place where no one will mind least of all me.

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bvlavender · 4 years

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A Story A Day Keeps COVID Away – 09/26/20: De“motivation”

I know what you mean by it.

“There’s room to improve.”

Pushing me farther, harder.

“You have do better.”

And I wish I could appreciate it.

“You’re lucky to have these opportunities.”

But I resent it.

“I’ve given up so much for you.”

Because not a moment-

“You can’t relax.”

goes by-

“Don’t waste time.”

without reminder-

“Look at how well they’re doing.”

that I-

“This isn’t enough.”

I’m not enough.

#astoryadaykeepsCOVIDaway #coronavirus #covid-19 #writing #writers on tumblr #demotivation #not good enough #inferior #I thought of this and wrote it like #prose #but the line breaks #make it seem more like a poem?#I’m not going to tag it as poetry #but still

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bvlavender · 3 years

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A Story A Day Keeps COVID Away – 12/07/20: Alone

Anxiety fills me as loneliness consumes me, overwhelmed by nobody, surrounded by everybody.

#astoryadaykeepsCOVIDaway #coronavirus #covid-19 #writing #poetry #writers on tumblr #acrostic #acrostic poetry #alone #went with a very basic prompt and interpretation #otherwise i don’t think i would have been able write #EDIT: my laptop’s crashed/needed restarting #twice in as many days #i am so tired

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bvlavender · 3 years

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A Story A Day Keeps COVID Away – 12/04/20: Hypotension

Shift your weight stop the flood keep your balance bag of blood lest you fall with a thud to your knees your knees your knees you were standing were you standing? can you see? can you breathe?

#astoryadaykeepsCOVIDaway #coronavirus #covid-19 #writing #poetry #writers on tumblr #i kept lagging out while trying to write #i’d have decent ideas #and then my brain would just #check out on me #like if your car vanished while you were trying to start it #because of that #this one feels a bit #ehhh

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