#as if that will invalidate bi women. but you can say if something affects bi women more I guess because lesbians aren't at risk of being

[cruelsister-moved2]

Frustrated rn at all of the denizens of this site who are starting to critique the endless posts urging lesbians to "stop being so close-minded and just fuck men already!" because it's clear that they only care about people avoiding calling themselves bisexual (though I agree that's part of it) but don't give a shit about the entire ideological basis those posts have in condescension and cruelty directed towards lesbians because they fundamentally agree but just use different language and ideas to convey it

yeah I honestly agree with you and the same with the bi lesbian thing I feel like it's this balancing game to never suggest one thing affects one of us over the other. now I think it's worthwhile to point out that these things are also not in the best interests of bi women in order to prevent it turning into a "lesbians vs bi women" thing & point out that our needs are almost always aligned BUT it's really frustrating when people only care because it's like someone's saying they're too good for bisexuality like it's corrective rape rhetoric towards us at it's core and they are also bisexual people doing it. bisexual people with internalised biphobia, sure, but people acting like they're a secret third thing when ultimately its people who aren't lesbians that don't want lesbians to exist like can we talk about that 😭it's very much not the idea of attraction to multiple genders that they have a problem with in this case

#ask #anon #it's weird bc it's like people have this feeling that you can never say a certain issue largely affects lesbians #as if that will invalidate bi women. but you can say if something affects bi women more I guess because lesbians aren't at risk of being #invalidated? and honestly the constant treating of bi women with kid gloves is just insulting to all women #as seen in jakeygate with people foaming at the mouth to defend a neonazi #at the very idea of a hypothetical bi woman being attached to him!!? #which is most concerning in that if ur bi friend was actually dating a racist man the solution is absolutely not to be like omg hes so cute

[jewishvitya]

While a friend was figuring out that she's gay, not bi, I was reading a lot about experiences like hers. Because I'm bi and I wanted to have the tools to hear her out and help her process where she is and what she wants.

Part of it was looking at the lesbian masterdoc. Which I've seen people criticize, I'm not trying to hold it up as perfect. But something that hit me was the way some things resonated despite the fact that... I am attracted to men.

I don't say this to invalidate the experience lesbians have with this kind of social programming. It's just that, for me, even when I do love men, heteronormativity twisted it into something it's not. It turned liking men into a more fundamental part of me.

Attraction to men trumps any other kind. Bi women get told they're actually straight. Bi men get told they're actually gay. Either way, the message I receive is "you actually like men and that should be the core of your identity."

So I feel like this affected my experience with my own sexuality. Liking men felt like it defines me more. It even made me feel like bi men are more queer than I am, as if this is a competition where queerness can be quantified. I don't feel that way anymore, and I love being sapphic, but that was heavy to unpack.

When I was a kid it was still common to call women "the beautiful sex" (which is the literal Hebrew version of "the fairer sex"). It made me think being drawn to women the way I am is a universal experience that doesn't mean anything. Everyone feels this way, nothing to worry about. Kind of like "everyone is a little bi" - which erases us as well as gay people, making our experiences so broad they're meaningless.

Heteronormative society alienated me from loving women and even though i'm not struggling with it anymore, I still have a lot of resentment around that.

#riki babbles

[genderstarbucks]

i’m so sorry you’re basically being harassed by some anon! you don’t deserve it, i hope you’re doing alright

they’re just some troll who needs to get a life, people like them make the queer community a worse place, where others don’t feel safe. but the queer community was never about trying to fit in or trying to force yourself into labels you feel you don’t even relate to

these people could just turn their hatred to something useful, like bigots! :)

and these same people love to say stuff like “gender is a social construct, gender is infinite and you can be whatever you want!” but then change their mind with sexuality.

people like this just cannot fathom the fact that people who identify as the same labels as them will not always have the same experience.

for example, i’m a lesbian, and i am attracted to non-binary people, women and any other gender thats not a man, but my friend who is also a lesbian may have a different experience than me.

and going back on the topic of social constructs, the concept of an identity being invalid or valid is also one. i believe the concept of validity is just an excuse to opress other members of the queer community

its not helping or protecting anyone, its hurting people. people who identify as something that you think is “invalid” are not evil monsters or secret fetishists, they’re actually individuals with their own experiences. and those experiences are beautiful!

people often mistake their discomfort for different identities with harm, which are not the same! actual harm being done would be homophobic, transphobia or any kind of queerphobia. not someone identifying as a bi-lesbian.

i also feel that people need to stop assuming so much. listen to others, do not make assumptions right off the bat.

sorry, this kind of spiraled into a rant and its quite long. 😭 i just have a lot to say right now. -@sleepycorvidzz

Thank you! I'm doing alr, I don't let shit like that affect me

And dwbi being a rant, people like that piss me off too cuz like, why do you care so much??

I find it rlly funny how pro xeno exclus are like "gender is infinite, you can be whatever you want!" but expect orientation to be strict, rigid labels that aren't fluid or flexible at all

"Bi lesbians and lesboys are ruining the community!" Actually no we're not, you are hun /nay

Some bisexuals are 50/50 and are only attracted to boys and girls and that's completely fine, but that's not my experience

And some gays are exclusively attracted to men, as am I

We all have different gender and orientation experiences, just bc some ppl use the same label doesn't mean that they have the same experiences

[f1-disaster-bi]

I know this is a weird ask so I get it if you won't answer it but was it hard for you to figure out you were bi? Like I'm not sure what I am and who I like and I think I just crave any affection cause I've never felt love from a partner so I don't know who I'm actually attracted to.

This absolutely isn't a weird ask. You can send me things like this anytime, and my dms are always open too anon

One thing I will start off saying is that you don't need to rush or label yourself. Sexuality is fluid. There is no timeline for figuring out who you're attracted to or if you're attracted to anyone at all. It is more than okay to explore a few different ideas before finding what is right for you and everyone has different experiences.

I often count myself lucky in that my realisation, when it hit, it was clear to me but anon, I was oblivious as hell about it until it did hit.

When I was 15 I was volunteering for a festival our town has and this girl working with me put her hand high up on my thigh one day when we were sitting together and looked me in the eyes to say something and I had an oh moment.

Before that I had no clue I was attracted to women. Looking back now, it is obvious I was always attracted to both. I would often get my mother to rent dvds (yes I'm old enough to have rented dvds as a kid), I would often pick movies with very attractive women as the main leads and claim they were the best movies ever made (they weren't, the actresses were just hot) but I would do the same with males too (hello that time I tried to convince everyone Shark Boy and Lava Girl was a great movie when really I just had a crush on Taylor Lautner)

Have I questioned myself since? Absolutely. After secondary school, I didn't date a lot of women because I went through some trauma with two girlfriends and I needed to take a look at me as a person. I dated a lot of people because I wanted to feel needed. It was all men and at some point I felt like maybe I was straight. Maybe I had wanted attention like people had accused me of when I was a teenager. Maybe I really did need to meet the right man but no, I have and always will identify with being Bi because I'm attracted to more than one gender.

Sometimes people try to force me to say I'm a lesbian, or refer to me as that, and it annoys me because I am who I am. I am a bisexual woman. I am proud of that and have been proudly out for ten years, and sure it was easy realising it, but it wasn't always easy accepting it because of what people said to me or because I was dating a man and somehow that invalidated my sexuality. It didn't, the same way me dating a woman doesn't mean I'm not attracted to men

Sexuality is a journey anon

I wish I had an better answer that could help you but don't feel scared. Don't feel you need to find yourself or label yourself straight away. If people ask, use an umbrella term or just say you're figuring it out because there is nothing wrong with that.

I have friends in their twenties who have only figured out they're Bi recently, and I have friends who have explored and changed as they got older because they rushed to label themselves when they were still figuring out who they liked

You are perfectly you, and you will always find support for being you. Espeically here on my blog and from me ❤️

[doctorprofessorsong]

I'm gonna say something that is exceptionally hard to share because apparently some people need to hear it. The lgbtqia+ community is there to create a safe place for people who don't fit within cisheteronormative societal expectations, regardless of labels.

There have been a few hot takes about "pantomiming" or "performing" queerness and I want to say this is deeply hurtful to me personally.

I don't know where I fit when it comes to the gender fuckery that lives inside my brain. Straight spaces full of cis women often make me feel uncomfortable. Like I have to pretend I am someone I'm not. But I still (at this time) consider myself a cis woman. I enjoy and I am affirmed by my femme gender expression but hate being forced into feminine things. My brain often feels more like what society feels a guy should be like.

Nothing I have tried on feels quite right. Am I nonbinary? Gender nonconforming? Genderqueer? Mostly I describe myself as "a woman but in a way that makes most people distinctly uncomfortable." That makes me happy. That sentence feels right.

Talking about queerness as if it is one monolithic thing you can perform or pantomime makes me ache. Are my efforts for trans and GNC folks less meaningful if I am or am not part of the community? Can I joke about things being gender?

For me, queerness has always been looking at what society has to offer and saying: nope. I don't fit there. Queer spaces make me feel so much less alone.

And my openly bi status gives me a nice, clean place in those spaces, but it's my gender fuckery that makes me need them more.

The feeling that I could say: I'm not like other girls because I literally feel like I have to pretend around them, can I please come find shelter here? And that I might be told: nope, you are just performing queerness for clout. Or nope, you have to subscribe to certain external expressions to be considered queer. The idea that anyone could "perform" queerness because they acted outside of societal norms and that is somehow a violation? The idea that I might be expected to go from performing cis woman to performing queer woman where if I fail I am somehow not enough? Makes me feel invalid. It is physically affecting me.

So, I don’t know? Maybe think about that?

#lgbtqia+ #gender fuckery

[ellesliterarycorner]

What My Followers Want To See More Of In Male Characters

I’m always looking for ways to improve my writing, especially writing male characters, and I’m happy to say that my WIP has quite a few of these. I think we can all agree that with the absolutely sickening influx of dark, broody, bad boys in YA fiction, having male characters with more nuance and hmmm I don’t know actual personalities is refreshing and something that all books need. Thank you guys so much for answering this poll(conducted through instagram), and let me know if there’s something else y’all want to be polled on that I can turn into a post! I didn’t change anything that you guys wrote, so there are some repeats on the list, but I think it makes a point to see how many people want to see the same (relatively simple) things in fiction!

Them being soft and kind 

going to therapy/having mental health struggle 

bisexuality! 

non-toxic religious men

lgbt men(beyond being gay and fetishised) 

feminine guys who aren’t gay 

men of all sexualities being feminine 

physically disabled men who are very masculine 

straight male characters in close friendships with mlm characters 

sensitive and weak moments 

“feminine” men mb, guys who like flowers and stuff while also being very strong cause thats cool I think 

confidence enough to compliment other men

feminine interests without being judged 

discussing things they love doing 

I think it’d be nice if people showed men’s insecurities more often. Also, men also get abused and stuff 

emotions!!!

genuine friendships with someone who’s better than them 

eating disorders, anxiety, insecurities, other common mental health concerns 

guys not afraid to show their vulnerability and weaknesses to the people they care about 

casually wearing makeup and not making a fuss or a statement out of it 

being shy is ok. being nice to the mc and not being a complete douche bag, if the mc is being an idiot and playing with their feelings telling her straight up or leaving her, they don’t have to be attractive to be likable, their dark pasts isn’t an excuse for them to be shitty human beings 

them being vulnerable 

healthy platonic friendships 

vulnerability and insecurity shown through non toxic traits 

soft spoken, kind and gentle voice 

I want to see them cook, sex, or such without invalidating their masculinity 

male characters who express their emotions and aren’t ridiculed by others for it 

I want more soft men tbh. It’s usually all badass and then breakdowns. I want someone who is fragile 

affectionate with their friends and/or in tune with their emotions 

less abs

males who aren’t afraid to cry and be affectionate with their friends 

respect and genuine care for females and people of other genders, thank you 

i would love to see more bisexual/pansexual male characters!!

the ability to take no for an answer 

bisexual males that aren’t the main plot. they just get to be bi and it doesn’t affect the story 

emotional softness 

being vulnerable/crying without thinking that they’re weak for it 

ones that are submissive and fine with it 

Queer! Rep! 

Ones that are fucking respectful of their female counterparts 

talking about their feelings 

kind to their lover without being called a simp 

plus size 

guys being allowed to be gentle and not seen as weak or inferior 

openness rather than being closed off all of the time 

I want to see witty and quirky characters + humor that is shown around EVERYONE

femininity and vulnerability, crying, breakdowns, etc. 

varying sexualities 

real emotion, crying, and for it be okay for them to do that 

treats women like equals without having to be “taught” how to by a love interest 

caring about others without being portrayed as awkward and/or flirtatious 

emotions and kindness

showing emotions that isn’t anger 

not being misogynistic 

smart but not the typical ‘nerdy geek’ just there as an encyclopedia for the MC

Men who are comfortable with being emotionally open (and them being emotionally open DOESN’T automatically mean they’re gay 

emotional maturity and having healthy relationships and behavior 

showing affection to their platonic friends 

respect toward others

male characters that are “motherly” Let them cook, clean, sew, and be good with kids 

male characters who are perceptive and understanding 

male characters with realistic, practical muscles 

wanting hugs and getting giddy over little bits of affection

male characters who wear heels (even if the rest of their outfit is traditionally masculine) 

black male protagonists 

emotional strength instead of physical strength 

males that let the non males take charge and our respectful 

realistic bodies and insecurities 

more males characters exploring their identity 

males who have hobbies, they’re passionate about

physically and mentally strong and resilient. Protective, but respectful and supportive 

not being overtly attractive and being okay with it 

emotionally guarded without being cold or angry 

more sympathy, less naïvety to the female protagonists feelings 

stylish dudes who aren’t gay (not that lgbtq+ rep is bad it’s just a tiring stereotype) 

guys friendships and protectiveness of non love interests 

male characters being feminine without them being queer coded or comic relief

them finding a healthy way to cope with problems 

healthy paternal figures that do not die in the saga please 

big scary guys with hobbies like crochet, sewing and reading books for rescued animals 

soft and loving and caring all the time who cry and are hurt and not badass all the time 

be soft and kind to everyone, not just their bae 

cool mysterious and stuff but not flipping depressed characters please stop that trope

them crying, having close female friends, being lgbt+(especially trans men), showing emotions 

male characters that aren’t possessive/obsessive and know how to accept “no”

raising kids without a love interest involved

societies with men that aren’t stereotypical 

male characters that aren’t naturally good leaders 

a really straight guy having a really gay best friend 

seeing more male characters be comfortable in expressing their feelings and emotions 

#writers #writblr #writers on tumblr #writerslife #writing #writersofig #writersofinstagram #writers of instagram #writers of ig #creating characters #writing characters #male characters #writing advice #writing reference #writing resources #writing tip #writing tips #writingadvice

[cuntess-carmilla]

On disability and gender

I'm writing this from my perspective as a dyadic TME non-binary lesbian (also mixed but very pale and non-Black, as well as relatively thin). I will group myself with women but like, I'm also not really a woman it's complicated lol. I say this because I can't have first-hand comprehension of all the possible dynamics between gender and disability, and other physically disabled people are very much encouraged to add their own thoughts and perspectives to this post.

I don't feel equipped to speak on how being disabled and intersex impacts gendered experiences because I have too much left to learn, so I'm sorry that I'm not going to go into it. It's not because I don't recognize that struggle, it's because I just don't have the range, so please, if you're an intersex and physically disabled person and you want to expand on this, don't be afraid to do so.

Able-bodieds can reblog but don't speak out of turn.

------------------------------------------------

For a long time I've been trying to articulate my thoughts and pain on how physical disability impacts our gendered experiences and I think I'm finally starting to get to it.

When you're physically disabled you're immediately stripped of a (willing) gender identity as well as desexualized.

Gender is embodied and performed. You can embody it "incorrectly" and perform it "poorly". Everything regarding the embodiment of physically disabled people is seen as incorrect, and the literal meaning of "disabled" is that we can't perform the same way that able-bodied people can, or at least we can't without severely impacting our wellness.

Disabled men are emasculated. Constructs of ideal manhood are in big part built on things such as physical prowess, never expressing vulnerability, being self-sufficient outside of anything domestic, and conquering women sexually and romantically.

Disabled men are seen as weak, they are seen as pathetic for having visible vulnerabilities or (if their disability isn't immediately visible) for exposing their vulnerabilities instead of "sucking it up". By needing aid, accessibility and carers that do more than what a wife would traditionally do for any man, the sense of self-sufficiency men are supposed to perform is unavailable to disabled men. All disabled people are desexualized and seen as repulsive once our sexualities are acknowledged, and even disabled dyadic cishet men can't escape this. Able-bodied women see them as unfit for any sort of serious romantic or sexual partnership. Not to mention too the traditional role of men as providers and how difficult it is for any disabled person to acquire wealth at all, let alone enough to support more than ourselves alone. The rates of poverty for physically disabled people are fucking astronomical, so most disabled men can't even use that to their advantage in romance and sex to make up for all the other ways in which they're at a disadvantage compared to able-bodied men.

Disabled women fail at embodying and performing every single aspect of traditional womanhood too, but in particular; domestic labor, sexual labor, and beauty standards.

All labor is difficult if not downright impossible when you're disabled. Disabled women who need carers as adults are seen as complete failures because, even as children, but especially as adults, we're the ones who're supposed to be the carers of others, not the other way around. People love to pretend that women are coddled more than men, but nothing breaks that illusion more than being a disabled woman. A woman's needs are supposed to be invisible and self-fulfilled, or else we're whiny spoiled bitches, and guess what that means for disabled women. When we can't perform this pristine role we're immediately marked as failures, we're undesirable and nothing but a parasitic drag in the lives of abled people.

Yes, not all disabled women are straight, plenty of us are bi or lesbians, many are also aro/ace, but the point is that the patriarchy doesn't really give a shit what a woman's sexuality is, because no woman is seen as having sexual agency, so even if we're not straight we're expected to exist to satisfy men sexually. I cannot describe how difficult it is to be sexual, even when you're not ace, if you're physically disabled. Speaking from my own experience, trying to maintain a sex life as someone who experiences chronic fatigue and chronic pain is one of the most frustrating and demoralizing aspects of my disability. I want sex, I want to want sex, to be able to fuck my fiancé, but most of the time I simply can't gather the energy to even feel horny. I feel like such a failure of a lover because of it. Even though my fiancé is patient and understanding with me!

Can you imagine what it is like for disabled women who aren't as "lucky" as me, to have a partner who understands that we simply can't do it all the time even if we do want to? I don't want to go into too much detail about this because it's very painful and triggering to many, but I think you can imagine what happens to a lot of disabled women (and disabled people in general) when we're not satisfying a partner sexually and they get too frustrated by it. Being as vulnerable as we are, nobody cares much what happens to us. More so since, again, physically disabled people are seen as sexually repulsive, so if anyone wants sex with us we're supposed to be "thankful" for it, no matter the circumstances.

As for beauty standards, any woman who doesn't fit traditional beauty standards will know just how badly men treat you when they don't find you physically appealing, and well... Let's just say that a cane or a wheelchair aren't seen by society as particularly attractive, no matter how much the woman using them fits traditional beauty standards otherwise. Then there's female amputees, women with deformities, etc. In my case, I'm a literal mutant. If I don't disguise my tells with corsetry, long sleeves, and so, so much more, my body looks "off", I have been told repeatedly that my body looks "off" my whole life, and I'm one of the least visibly disabled ones! Even regarding body hair it's fucking hell. My collagen is so elastic that when new hair grows it stays ingrown unless I manually break my skin with a needle or a pumice stone (no, gentler ways of exfoliation don't work), but shaving isn't ideal either because my skin is, due to my altered collagen too, literally transparent and you can see the roots of my dark hairs under it even if I shave down to accidentally harming my skin with the blade.

Performing femininity at all is just... It's fucking hell. If it's exhausting for able-bodied women, can you imagine what it is like for us? I can barely manage to shower, by the time I'm done with my hair, makeup and outfit, every bit of my very limited energy is depleted and then I still have the rest of the day to go through. And I LIKE being feminine. I like wearing makeup and wearing the outfits I wear and yet I still dread it when I know I'll have to do more than stay in my pajamas at home.

Also, the perceived fragility of disabled women isn't the type of fragility that is seen as desirable in women. It's not delicacy. Wheelchairs, canes and other mobility aids aren't seen as "delicate" or "demure". Neither is kinesio tape, or compression stockings, or any other sort of medical equipment which, on top of it all, tend to not be very "aesthetic". Our fragility isn't the romanticized type, it's the "wow, you're an useless burden who can't serve me the way I expect you to" type.

When it comes to "binary" disabled trans people (for a lack of a better term) the degendering is even more intense than it already is for their cis counterparts (all that I described above applies to them too). There's a dichotomy of the even heavier denial of their actual genders as men and women due to the combination of their transness and disabilities, contrasting with how even if they were to conform to their assigned genders at birth they'd still be seen as failures at it due to everything I've already stated. There's also the sentiment that their identifying outside of their assigned gender at birth is a sort of consolation prize, something they're going for only because they were failing at being proper cis men and cis women, and thus their actual genders are even more invalidated and effectively pathologized in the most medical sense of the word, which is already a problem for all trans people, but for physically disabled trans people this intensifies the problem even more.

When it comes to non-binary disabled people things get so fucking confusing and infuriating. If binary disabled people get denied their manhood and womanhood, best believe that multigender disabled people (bigender, genderfluid, etc) are denied all aspects of their genders even harder. Not even completely agender disabled people are safe from being seen as failures of their gender identities by people who would perfectly respect the identity of an agender but able-bodied person. The fact that the default gendered status of all disabled people is forcefully degendered makes it so agender disabled people aren't seen as having any agency or self-determination in their (lack of or neutral) gender identity, it's seen as a passive inevitability from their embodiment, so it doesn't really "count", while simultaneously being subjected to the general transphobic bullshit any other agender person would be subjected to.

All of these things already affect white, thin and dyadic physically disabled people. When you add race (especially Blackness and/or being dark skinned), fatness and being intersex into the mix, the ways in which we're degendered and misgendered are off the fucking rails.

We can't fucking win.

#disability

[bi-sapphics]

so coming back to this post where i stated that my early days of bi pride were around the ages of 12-13 and how lucky i was that i never saw anything that could snap that vulnerability in half like i do now, i kind of wanna talk about a similar process from when i first discovered i could be nonbinary at 15. back then i used to think it was this sacred thing that you had to "qualify" for and i never realized until about a year or so of experience in that i could really be anything i want. so until then, i clung tightly to being a she/they nonbinary demigirl because i hadn't even heard of everything else yet and figured if i had, i wasn't good enough to use anything beyond a basic label - which is ironic, because the only reason i got to that point in the first place was after reading all these positivity carrds that encouraged nonbinary people to accept themselves and insisted they could use whatever labels and pronouns they wanted. oh well, i digress.

something that's really super important to note for the time being before i get into my point, was that i was still first questioning whether i was a lesbian or "just" bi - yes, that internalized biphobia goes a long way back for most of us, unfortunately. at this very moment in time, i was starting to lean towards accepting bisexuality. i did try on the lesbian label for about a year not too long later, but that was, again, later.

so, in other words, i was your stereotypical she/they bisexual demigirl. the "cishets" of both the LGB and T communities, although i didn't realize that's how i would be seen for years.

now that i got my backstory out of the way, i think now it will make a little more sense why i'm advocating for those "she/they bi girls" jokes to stop, in addition to the "bi girls with boyfriends." it's not just biphobic, it's misogynistic and it can do some real psychic damage to younger bi sapphics. i probably would have been one of them had i been exposed to them during that time.

i mean, hell, i think this anon that i myself sent & response that took place on curiouscat back in march explain it all the best:

[ID: a screenshot of a curiouscat submission. the anonymous message reads: "confession: i stopped using she/they a while back PRIMARILY just to avoid the hated misogynistic cis bi girl stereotype. i'm not cis but i'm sure i wouldn't be considered trans enough to be valid if i was a she/they. i guess it worked out because i don't really like they/them pronouns for myself anyway (i'm now a he/she), but i wish i hadn't felt pressured in order to be taken seriously. :/" following that paragraph, bizexuaiity responds: "i'm so sorry you've felt pressured and invalid in your previous pronouns :( that stereotype is bimisogynistic & disgusting and i really never liked these jokes or put up with them from anyone. never thought they were funny and i think she/they trans people are 100% valid. it's stupid because a LOT of trans people who use this pronoun set are TMA, as well. someone using she/her pronouns doesn't equate to cis woman and idk why many people act like that. even if you're AFAB it does not matter because it doesn't make you ANY less trans. you absolutely do not need to do anything extra to validate your transness, your existence is enough. you will be taken seriously by people who love and care about you. i hope you feel better about yourself by now."

like, this shit affects us negatively and for things that aren't even really our fault, let alone bad in any way at all. it's pretty much what i said in the first post i linked here, stop bullying bi women. it's not funny and it never has been. you can say whatever you like about how i never had it hard back then because i didn't, but i could have and many others have and still do. even i do now sometimes. so QUIT IT.

#chase.txt #biphobia #bimisogyny #bi girls #bi women #cis bi girls #she/they bi girls #she/they #they/she #bi demigirl #demigirl #nonbinary #bisexual #bi stereotypes #internalized biphobia

[whumpmatsus]

hey could you do a comphet choro’s awakening?

tysm

I did my best, some lil headcanons!!

brief sidenote that I tackled this idea under, like, how comphet would affect someone who's bi/pan, because I headcanon Choro as probably bi but very female-leaning, I guess? that's just my personal headcanon, I hope I don't step on any toes there and I hope this is still along the lines of something you're looking for at least partially! <3

(other sidenote that I'm a bisexual woman myself, so I've struggled a little bit with this myself, probably not to the degree I imagine Choro grappling with it, but, hopefully it still makes sense and isn't all over the place lol)

-

CHOROMATSU

The most likely moment for it to hit him is when maybe he’s hanging out with another guy who’s into idols. Maybe he met this guy at a concert, or online somewhere. It’s this guy’s smile, and the way he gives Choromatsu a parting hug when it’s time for both of them to go home, and the way his own heart races when he thinks about being so close to the other man.

Sure, it probably doesn’t last. It’s almost definitely a brief romantic fling, some kisses here and there, a few times holding hands, because Choromatsu is far too insecure about his feelings to let it go further or last longer. He has to figure himself out first before he has a kind of relationship with anyone. Even so… this guy took a lot of Choromatsu’s firsts, just not the one that seems to matter most to Choromatsu.

He struggles with this for a long time. The biggest worry he has is that he knows for a fact that he’s into women, so what does he call himself now that he’s sure he’s into men, too? Does he try to shove this all down and not talk about it? Can he even do that now that he’s come to a realization? He doesn’t have a good understanding of how to reconcile that attraction to women and attraction to men can both exist within him. He’s afraid that his attraction to one gender invalidates his attraction to the other, or that he has to ‘pick a side’… and if he has to do that, he wouldn’t know which side to pick.

It spikes his anxiety big time to think about it, but he knows he has to. He can’t go through life being lost in his own skin. He doesn’t like this feeling of being so confused when he thought he knew who he was. When he thinks about it, he feels like everyone expects him to only be into women, because that’s how he’s identified for most of his life. Thoughts of, Am I not supposed to be this way? and Am I sure I’m into guys or am I misinterpreting my feelings? only serve to frustrate him more, and it gets worse the longer he thinks about it while holding everything inside.

Things bubble over pretty quickly. Before he knows it, he’s sitting up at night, crying into Karamatsu’s shoulder with Totty rubbing his back, sobbing that he doesn’t trust himself, that he feels so lost and doesn’t know who he is anymore. Even though he tries to hide it at first, with his brothers encouraging him he knows he has to talk about what’s going on in his head. If he doesn’t talk about it, he knows he’ll never be truly comfortable with himself again.

Luckily, Karamatsu and Totty are the best ones to have for support, because they’ve both been there before. Totty came out as pansexual first, and Karamatsu in all his bisexual glory followed shortly after that, and Choromatsu finds it easier to talk to them about this than any of the others. Despite the fact that he knows all his brothers would understand and support him, it’s a big comfort to remember that these two at least know some of what he’s going through.

Eventually, he comes out shyly to the rest of his family, deciding to just say that he’s into men as well as women, and avoid labeling himself for now. Maybe he will later, when he’s a little more secure in how he feels. He knows there will probably be a lot of times that he doubts himself, and he’s still got a ways to go on a journey of self-discovery, but… at the moment, this is good. He can relax now that he’s come to terms with and accepted that, yes, he’s definitely into guys too.

#Osomatsu san #whump #Choromatsu #headcanons #emotional whump #hurt/comfort #self discovery #ONCE AGAIN I have no idea how to tag this but XD #I hope it's at least sort of what you were looking for!! I tried to make it make sense while sticking to my own headcanon #*blows kiss* #I love Choro v v much he's my sweet anxious frog husband <3

[hellomynameisbisexual]

As a nonbinary bisexual, I’m no stranger to people erasing me and telling me that I’m something I’m not. With the rise of terms like “pansexuality” and “omnisexuality,” many people unfamiliar with the true nature of bisexuality now think that it’s transphobic or otherwise binary — some go so far as to claim bisexuals only believe in two genders.

People assert that, while bisexuality allegedly means “attraction to two genders,” pansexuality and omnisexuality, unlike bisexuality, denote “attraction to all genders.” It’s easy to think this way if only examining the terms at face value, but this comparison is an outright lie. Some others say that new labels were a response to transphobic exclusion from the bisexual community — this is similarly not the case. (I’ll be compiling a piece on the history of the “pansexual” label at a later date.) Using this “reasoning” to separate bisexuality from these other terms is woefully inaccurate and disrespectful to bisexual and transgender people.

While there are cissexist definitions of bisexuality, that holds true for “gay” and “straight,” too. Bisexuals have also described our orientation as attraction regardless of gender¹ for decades — at least fifty years or so — and we still do. Before words like “transgender” and “nonbinary” came about, bisexuals still often saw themselves as attracted to people beyond gender.

Androgyny and gender-nonconformity are also a staple in bisexual culture. Major bisexual icons throughout history explored and embraced it. Look at bisexual chic, especially the glam rock era. Some bisexual activists and organizations have historically included and allied with transgender and nonbinary people, and many of us are transgender or nonbinary ourselves.

Below are just a few examples of the hidden secret of our gender-expansiveness. (Including a quote here does not equal my approval of what was said. Keep in mind the times during which they were recorded as well as the footnotes.)

Sources without links can be downloaded for free from ZLibrary, borrowed from the Open Library, or found wherever you purchase or borrow physical books. Sources without a year next to them are those for which I could not find the publish date.

“…the very wealth and humanity of bisexuality itself: for to exclude from one’s love any entire group of human beings because of class, age, or race or religion, or sex, is surely to be poorer — deeply and systematically poorer.”

— Kate Miller (1974)

“It’s easier, I believe, for exclusive heterosexuals to tolerate (and that’s the word) exclusive homosexuals than [bisexuals] who, rejecting exclusivity, sleep with people not genders…”

— Martin Duberman (1974)

“Margaret Mead in her Redbook magazine column wrote an article titled ‘Bisexuality: What’s It All About?’ in which she cited examples of bisexuality from the distant past as well as recent times, commenting that writers, artists, and musicians especially ‘cultivated bisexuality out of a delight with personality, regardless of race or class or sex.’”

— Janet Bode, “From Myth to Maturation,” View From Another Closet: Exploring Bisexuality in Women (1976)

“Being bisexual does not mean they have sexual relations with both sexes but that they are capable of meaningful and intimate involvement with a person regardless of gender.”

— Janet Bode, “The Pressure Cooker,” View From Another Closet (1976)

“A sex-change night club queen has claimed she had a bizarre love affair with rock superstar David Bowie. Drag artiste Ronny Haag said she lived with the bisexual singer while he was making his new film, “Just a Gigolo,” in Berlin. […] Ronny says: ‘I am a real woman.’”

— Kenelm Jenour, “I Was Bowie’s She-Man!”, Daily Mirror (1978)²

“[John] reacted emotionally to both sexes with equal intensity. ‘I love people, regardless of their gender,’ he told me.”

— Charlotte Wolff, “Early Influences,” Bisexuality, a Study (1979)

“On Saturday, February 9, San Francisco’s Bisexual Center will conduct a Gender/Sexuality Workshop. ‘We will explore the interrelationships of gender feelings and sexual preference… We will discuss sexuality and whether we choose to play out the gender role assigned to us by society or whether we can shift to attitudes supposedly held by the opposite gender, if those feel good to us. We will deal with the issue of the TV/TS [transvestite/transsexual] in transition and how sexuality evolves as gender role changes. We will attempt to present a summary of the fragmented and confusing information on gender and sexuality.’”

— The Gateway (1980)

“J: Are we ever going to be able to define what bisexuality is?

S: Never completely. That’s just it — the variety of lifestyles that we see between us defies definition.”

— “Conversations,” Bi Women: The Newsletter of the Boston Bisexual Women’s Network (1984)

“Bisexuality, however, is a valid sexual experience. While many gays have experienced bisexuality as a stage in reaching their present identity, this should not invalidate the experience of people for whom sexual & affectional desire is not limited by gender. For in fact many bisexuals experience lesbianism or homosexuality as a stage in reaching their sexual identification.

— Megan Morrison, “What We Are Doing,” Bi Women (1984)

“In the midst of whatever hardships we [bisexuals] had encountered, this day we worked with each other to preserve our gift of loving people for who they are regardless of gender.”

— Elissa M., “Bi Conference,” Bi Women (1985)

“I believe that people fall in love with individuals, not with a sex… I believe most of us will end up acknowledging that we love certain people or, perhaps, certain kinds of people, and that gender need not be a significant category, though for some of us it may be.”

— Ruth Hubbard, “There Is No ‘Natural’ Human Sexuality, Bi Women (1986)

“I am bisexual because I am drawn to particular people regardless of gender. It doesn’t make me wishy-washy, confused, untrustworthy, or more sexually liberated. It makes me a bisexual.”

— Lani Ka’ahumanu, “The Bisexual Community: Are We Visible Yet?” (1987)

“To be bisexual is to have the potential to be open emotionally and sexually to people as people, regardless of their gender.”

— Office Pink Publishing, “Introduction,” Bisexual Lives (1988)

“We made signs and slashes. My favorite read, ‘When it’s love in all its splendor, it doesn’t matter what the gender.’”

— Beth Reba Weise, “Being There and Being Bi: The National March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights,” Bi Women (1988)

“…bisexual usually also implies that relations with gender minorities are possible.”

— Thomas Geller, Bisexuality: a Reader and Sourcebook (1990)

“Many objections have been raised to the use of [“bisexual”], the most common being that it emphasizes two things that, paradoxically, bisexuals are the least likely to be involved with: the dualistic separation of male and female in society, and the physical implications of the suffix ‘-sexual’.”

— Thomas Geller, Bisexuality: a Reader and Sourcebook (1990)

“Bisexuality is a whole, fluid identity. Do not assume that bisexuality is binary or duogamous in nature: that we have ‘two’ sides or that we must be involved simultaneously with both genders to be fulfilled human beings. In fact, don’t assume that there are only two genders.”

— The Bay Area Bisexual Network, “The 1990 Bisexual Manifesto,” Anything That Moves (1990)

“Bisexuality works to subvert the gender system and everything it upholds because it is not based on gender… Bisexuality subverts gender; bisexual liberation also depends on the subversion of gender categories.”

— Karin Baker and Helen Harrison, “Letters,” Bi Women (1990)

“I tell them, whether or not I use the word ‘bisexual,’ that I am proud of being able to express my feelings toward a person, regardless of gender, in whatever way I desire.”

— Naomi Tucker, “What’s in a Name?”, Bi Any Other Name (1991)³

“Some women who call themselves ‘bisexual’ insist that the gender of their lover is irrelevant to them, that they do not choose lovers on the basis of gender.”

— Marilyn Murphy, “Thinking About Bisexuality,” Bi Women (1991)

“Results supported the hypothesis that gender is not a critical variable in sexual attraction in bisexual individuals. Personality or physical dimensions not related to gender and interaction style were the salient characteristics on which preferred sexual partners were chosen, and there was minimal grid distance between preferred male and preferred female partners. These data support the argument that, for some bisexual individuals, sexual attraction is not gender-linked. […] …the dimensions which maximally separate most preferred sexual partners are not gender-based in seven of the nine grids.”

— M W Ross, J P Paul, “Beyond Gender: The Basis of Sexual Attraction in Bisexual Men and Women” (1992)

“[S]ome bisexuals say they are blind to the gender of their potential lovers and that they love people as people… For the first group, a dichotomy of genders between which to choose doesn’t seem to exist[.]”

— Kathleen Bennett, “Feminist Bisexuality, a Both/And Option for an Either/Or World,” Closer to Home: Bisexuality and Feminism (1992)

“The expressed desires of [female bisexual] respondents differed in many cases from their experience. 37 respondents preferred women as sexual partners; 9 preferred men. 21 women had no preference, and 35 said they preferred sex with particular individuals, regardless of gender.”

— Sue George, “Living as bisexual,” Women and Bisexuality (1993)

“Who is this group for exactly? Anyone who identifies as bisexual or thinks they are attracted to or interested in all genders… This newly formed [support] group is to create a supportive, safe environment for people who are questioning their sexual orientation and think they may be bisexual.”

— “Coming Out as Bisexual,” Bi Women (1994)

“It is logical and necessary for bisexuals to recognize the importance of gender politics — not just because transsexuals, cross-dressers, and other transgender people are often assumed to be bisexual… […] I have talked to the bisexual practicers of pre-op transsexuals who feel they have the best of both worlds because their lover embodies woman and man together.² Is that not a connection between bisexuality and transgenderism? […] Some of us are bisexual because we do not pay much attention to the gender of our attractions; some of us are bisexual because we do see tremendous gender differences and want to experience them all. […] With respect to our integrity as bisexuals, it is our responsibility to include transgendered people in our language, in our communities, in our politics, and in our lives.”

— Naomi Tucker, “The Natural Next Step,” Bisexual Politics: Theories, Queries, and Visions (1995)

“The first wave of people who started the Bi Center were political radicals and highly motivated people. The group was based on inclusivity… for example, in the women’s groups, anybody who identified as a woman had the right to be there, so a lot of transgender people started coming to the Bi Center.”

— Naomi Tucker, “Bay Area Bisexual History: An Interview with David Lourea,” Bisexual Politics (1995)

“[B]isexual consciousness, because of its amorphous quality and inclusionary nature, posed a fundamental threat to the dualistic and exclusionary thought patterns which were — and still are — tenaciously held by both the gay liberation leadership and its enemies.”

— Stephen Donaldson, “The Bisexual Movement’s Beginnings in the 70s,” Bisexual Politics (1995)

“If anything, being bi has made me hyper-aware of the sexual differences between [men and women]. And I still get hot for both. But I do experience something that is similar to gender blindness. It’s this: being bisexual means I could potentially find myself sexually attracted to anybody. Therefore, as a bisexual, I don’t make the distinction that monosexuals do between the gender you fuck and the gender you don’t.”

— Greta Christina, “Bi Sexuality,” Bisexual Politics (1995)

“[A]nd too / I am bisexual / in my history / in my capacity / in my fantasies / in my abilities / in my love for beautiful people / regardless of gender.”

— Dajenya, “Bisexual Lesbian,” Bisexual Politics (1995)

“The bisexual community should be a place where lines are erased. Bisexuality dismisses, disproves, and defies dichotomies. It connotes a loss of rigidity and absolutes. It is an inclusive term. […] Despite how we choose to identify ourselves, the bisexual community still seems a logical place for transsexuals to find a home and a voice. Bisexuals need to educate themselves on transgender issues. At the same time, bisexuals should be doing education and outreach to the transsexual community, offering transsexuals an arena to further explore their sexualities and choices. Such outreach would also help break down gender barriers and misconceptions within the bisexual community itself. […] If the bisexual community turns its back on transsexuals, it is essentially turning its back on itself.”

— K. Martin-Damon, “Essay for the Inclusion of Transsexuals,” Bisexual Politics (1995)

“As bisexuals, we are necessarily prompted to come up with non-binary ways of thinking about sexual orientation. For many of us, this has also prompted a move toward non-binary ways of thinking about sex and gender.”

— Rebecca Kaplan, “Your Fence Is Sitting on Me: The Hazards of Binary Thinking,” Bisexual Politics (1995)

“And so we love each other and wish love for each other, regardless (to the extent possible) of gender and sex.”

— Oma Izakson, “If Half of You Dodges a Bullet, All of You Ends Up Dead,” Bisexual Politics (1995)

“Similarly, the modern bisexual movement has dissolved the strict dichotomy between ‘gay’ and ‘straight’ (without invalidating our homosexual or heterosexual friends and lovers.) We have insisted on our desire and freedom to love people of all genders.”

— Sunfrog, “Pansies Against Patriarchy,” Bisexual Politics (1995)

“In the bisexual movement as a whole, transgendered individuals are celebrated not only as an aspect of the diversity of the bisexual community, but because, like bisexuals, they do not fit neatly into dichotomous categories. Jim Frazin wrote that ‘the construction and destruction of gender’ is a subject of mutual interest to bisexuals and transsexuals who are, therefore, natural allies.”

— Paula C. Rust, Bisexuality and the Challenge to Lesbian Politics: Sex, Loyalty, and Revolution (1995)

“Is bisexuality even about gender at all? ‘I don’t desire a gender,’ 25[-]year-old Matthew Ehrlich says.”

— Deborah Block-Schwenk, “Newsweek Comes Out as Supportive,” Bi Women (1995)

“One woman expressed the desire to elide categorical differences by reporting that she finds ‘relationships with men and women to be quite similar — the differences are in the individuals, not in their sex.’ Others expressed their ideal as choosing partners ‘regardless of gender…’”

— Amber Ault, Ambiguous Identity in an Unambiguous Sex/Gender Structure: The Case of Bisexual Women (1996)

“Most conceptual models of bisexuality explain it in terms of conflictual or confused identity development, [r-slur] sexual development, or a defence against ‘true’ heterosexuality or homosexuality. It has been suggested, however, that some individuals can eroticize more than one love object regardless of gender, that sexual patterns could be more variable and fluid than theoretical notions tend to allow, and that sexual desire may not be as fixed and static in individuals as is assumed by ‘essential’ sexual categories and identities.”

— E.Antonio de Moya and Rafael García, “AIDS and the Enigma of Bisexuality in the Dominican Republic,” Bisexualities and AIDS: International Perspectives (1996)

“I’m bi. That simply means I can be attracted to a person without consideration of their gender.”

— E. Grace Noonan, “Out on the Job: DEC Open to Bi Concerns,” Bi Women (1996)

“BiCon should accept transgender people as being on their chosen gender, this includes any single gender events.”

— BiCon Guidelines (1998)⁴

“The probability is that your relationship is based on, or has nestled itself into something based more on the relationship between two identities than on the relationship between two people. That’s what we’re taught: man/man, woman/woman, woman/man, top/bottom, butch/femme, man/woman/man, etc. We’re never taught person/person. That’s what the bisexual movement has been trying to teach us. We’re never taught that, so we fall into the trap of ‘you don’t love me, you love my identity.’”

— Kate Bornstein, My Gender Workbook (1998)

“Transsexuality and bisexuality both occupy heretical thresholds of human experience. We confound, illuminate and explore border regions. We challenge because we appear to break inviolable laws. Laws that feel ‘natural.’ And quite possibly, since we are not the norm or even average, it is likely that one function we have is to subvert those norms or laws; to break down the sleepy and unimaginative law of averages.”

— Max Wolf Valerio, “The Joker Is Wild: Changing Sex + Other Crimes of Passion,” Anything That Moves (1998)

“From the earliest years of the bi community, significant numbers of TV/TS and transgender people have always been involved with it. The bi community served as a kind of refuge for people who felt excluded from the established gay and lesbian communities.”

— Kevin Lano, “Bisexuality and Transgenderism,” Anything That Moves (1998)

“A large group of bisexual women reported in a Ms. magazine article that when they fell in love it was with a person rather than a gender…”

— Betty Fairchild and Nancy Hayward, “What is Gay?”, Now that You Know: A Parents’ Guide to Understanding Their Gay and Lesbian Children (1998)

“Over the past fifteen years, however, [one Caucasian man] has realized that he is ‘attracted to people — not their sexual identity’ and no longer cares whether his partners are male or female. He has kept his Bi identity and now uses it to refer to his attraction to people regardless of their gender.”

— Paula C. Rust, “Sexual Identity and Bisexual Identities,” Queer Studies: A Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Anthology (1998)

“Bisexual — being emotionally and physically attracted to all genders.”

— The Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network, “Out of the Past: Teacher’s Guide” (1999)

“There were a lot of transvestites and transsexuals who came to [the San Francisco Bisexual Center in the 1970s], because they were not going to be turned away because of the way they dressed.”

— David Lourea, “Bisexual Histories in San Francisco in the 1970s and Early 1980s,” 2000 Journal of Bisexuality

“Respondent #658 said that both are irrelevant; ‘who I am sexually attracted to has nothing to do with their sex/gender,’ whereas Respondent #418 focuses specifically on the irrelevance of sex: I find myself attracted to either men or women. The outside appendages are rather immaterial, as it is the inner being I am attracted to. […] Respondent #495 recalled that “the best definition I’ve ever heard is someone who is attracted to people & gender/sex is not an issue or factor in that attraction.” […] As Respondent #269 put it, “I do not exclude a person from consideration as a possible love interest on the basis of sex/gender.” […] For most individuals who call themselves bisexual, bisexual identity reflects feelings of attraction, sexual and otherwise, toward women and men or toward other people regardless of their gender.”

— Paula C. Rust, “Two Many and Not Enough: The Meanings of Bisexual Identities,” 2000 Journal of Bisexuality

“Giovanni’s distinction between what he wants and who he wants resonates with the language of many of today’s bisexuals, who insist that they fall in love with a person, not a gender.”

— Marjorie Garber, Bisexuality and the Eroticism of Everyday Life (2000)

“The message of bisexuality — that people are more than their gender; that we accept all people, regardless of Kinsey scale rating; that we embrace people regardless of age, weight, clothing, hair style, gender expression, race, religion and actually celebrate our diversity — that message is my gospel. I travel, write, do web sites — all to let people know that the bisexual community will accept you, will let you be who you are, and will not expect you to fit in a neat little gender/sexuality box.”

— Wendy Curry, “Celebrating Bisexuality,” Bi Women (2000)

“But really, just like I can’t believe in the heterosexist binary gender system, I have difficulty accepting wholeheartedly any one spiritual tradition.”

— Anonymous, “A Methodical Awakening,” Bi Women (2002)

“But there are also many bis, such as myself, for whom gender has no place in the list of things that attract them to a person. For instance, I like people who are good listeners, who understand me and have interests similar to mine, and I am attracted to people with a little padding here and there, who have fair skin and dark hair (although I’m pretty flexible when it comes to looks). ‘Male’ or ‘female’ are not anywhere to be found in the list of qualities I find attractive.”

— Karin Baker, “Bisexual Basics,” Solidarity-us.org (2002)

“Bisexual: A person who is attracted to people regardless of gender (a person does not have to have a relationship to be bisexual!)”

— Bowling Green State University, “Queer Glossary” (2003)

“The bisexual community seems to be disappearing. Not that there won’t always be people around who like to have sex with people of all genders, the community, as I’ve discussed in this book, is a different matter altogether.”

— William Burleson, Bi America: Myths, Truths, and Struggles of an Invisible Community (2005)

“Although bisexuals in general may or may not be more enlightened about gender issues, there has been, and continues to be, in most places around the country a strong connection between the transgender and the bisexual communities. Indeed, the two communities have been strong allies. Why is this? One reason certainly is, as I mentioned earlier, the significant number of people who are both bisexual and transgender.”

— William Burleson, Bi America: Myths, Truths, and Struggles of an Invisible Community (2005)

“Amy: […] But my friend’s question got me thinking: given the fact that so many bisexual friends and community members reject the idea that gender has to have a relation to attraction and behavior, why should I reject the bi label? Why did her question even come up? How relevant is gender to the concept of bisexuality? If bisexuals like me don’t care about gender the way monosexuals do, why would my identity label exclude my lovers’ gender variations?

Kim: …Like you, I’m a bi person who sees gender as fluid rather than fixed or dichotomous… I’ve also felt outside pressure to reject my bi identity based on the idea that it perpetuates the gender binary: woman/man. However, this idea reduces bisexual to ‘bi’ and ‘sexual’ and disregards the fact that it represents a history, a community, a substantial body of writing, and the right of the bisexual community to define ‘bisexuality’ on its own terms. Most importantly, this idea disregards how vital these things are for countless bi people. Identifying as bi doesn’t inherently mean anything, and it definitely doesn’t mean a person only recognizes two genders. However, to assume that bi-identified people exclude transgender, gender nonconforming (GNC), and genderqueer people also assumes they are not trans, GNC, or genderqueer themselves, when in fact, many are.”

— Kim Westrick and Amy Andre, “Semantic Wars,” Bi Women (2009)

“The [intracommunity biphobia] problem is very serious, because bisexuals, along with trans folks, are the rejects among rejects, that is to say, those who suffer from discrimination (gays and lesbians) discriminate against bis and trans folks. It is for this reason, at least here in Mexico City, that Opción Bi allies itself with transsexuals, transgender people and transvestites, and works together with them whenever possible. It seems to me we are closer to the trans communities than to the lesbian and gay ones.”

— Robyn Ochs, “Bis Around the World: Myriam Brito, Mexican City,” Bi Women (2009)

“I introduce myself as bisexual, because I am attracted to people, across gender lines, and ‘bisexual’ comes closest to explaining that.”

— B.J. Epstein, “Bye Bi Labels,” Bi Women (2009)

“Bisexuality is not some kind of middle-ground between heterosexuality and homosexuality; rather I imagine it as a way to erode the fixed systems of gender and sexual identity which always result in guilt, fear, lies[,] and discrimination.”

— Carlos Iván Suárez García, “What Is Bisexuality?”, Getting Bi: Voices of Bisexuals Around the World, Second Edition (2009)⁵

“To me, bisexuality is a matter of loving and accepting everyone equally — seeing the beauty in the human soul, rather than in the shell that houses it. Being transgender, I know firsthand that love between two people can transcend — even embrace — what society regards as taboo. Bisexuality is a mindset of revolution, a mindset of change. We’re creating a brave new world of acceptance and love for all people, of all the myriad genders and methods of sexual expression that this world contains.

— Jessica, “What Is Bisexuality?”, Getting Bi: Voices of Bisexuals Around the World, Second Edition (2009)

“Bisexuality (whatever that means) for me is about the ability to relate to all people at a deep emotional level. It is an openness of the heart. It is the absence of limits, especially those that are defined by the other person’s sex.”

— Andrea Toselli, “Coming Out Bisexual,” Getting Bi: Voices of Bisexuals Around the World, Second Edition (2009)

“Considering my personal preferences, calling myself ‘bisexual’ covers a wider territory regarding my capacity to fall in love and to share the life of a couple with another person without taking into consideration questions of gender.”

— Aida, “Why Bi?”, Getting Bi: Voices of Bisexuals Around the World, Second Edition (2009)

“I’m sure I’m bisexual because I can’t ignore the allure and loveliness of a wide spectrum of people — differentiating by gender never seemed attractive or even logical to me. […] For me bisexuality means I don’t stop attraction, caring or relationship potential based on gender; I can have sex, flirtation or warm ongoing love with anyone (not everyone, okay? That part’s a myth). […] And we have enough trouble splitting the human race into two halves, assigning mandatory characteristics, and then torturing people to fill arbitrary roles — I consider that a wrong and inaccurate way to understand human potential, and that’s also why I’m bi. Men and women are different? Honey, everyone I’ve ever met has been different. I think being bisexual lets me see each person as an individual.”

— Carol Queen, “Why Bi?”, Getting Bi: Voices of Bisexuals Around the World, Second Edition (2009)

“But to hell with respectability: the real point about being bisexual, a friend pointed out, is that you’re asking someone other than ‘What sex is this person?’”

— Tom Robinson, “Bisexual Community,” Getting Bi: Voices of Bisexuals Around the World, Second Edition (2009)

“Being bisexual… allows us to love each other regardless of our gender…”

— Jorge Pérez Castiñeira, “Bisexual Community,” Getting Bi: Voices of Bisexuals Around the World, Second Edition (2009)

“‘Hello, my name is Jaqueline Applebee… if you want to see me later, or just want a kiss, let me know as I’m bisexual, and you’re all gorgeous!’ […] I have loved men, women, and those who don’t identify with any gender.”

— Jaqueline Applebee, “Bisexual Community,” Getting Bi: Voices of Bisexuals Around the World, Second Edition (2009)

“[T]here’s nothing binary about bisexuals. Bi is just a provisional term reminding us, however awkwardly, that when it comes to loving, family and tribe, margins and middle intertwine.”

— Loraine Hutchins, “Bisexual Politics,” Getting Bi: Voices of Bisexuals Around the World, Second Edition (2009)

“My bi identity is not about who I am having sex with; it is not about the genitals of my past, current, or future lovers; it is not about choosing potential partners or excluding partners based on what is between their legs. It is about potential — the potential to love, to be attracted to, to be intimate with, share a life with a person because of who they are. I see a person, not a gender… I demand to be free to legally marry anyone without regard to their gender.”

— Rifka Reichler, “Bisexual Politics,” Getting Bi: Voices of Bisexuals Around the World, Second Edition (2009)

“To me, being bisexual means having a sexuality that isn’t limited by the sex or gender of the people you are attracted to. You just recognize that you can be attracted to a person for very individual reasons.”

— Deb Morley, “Bi of the Month: An Interview with Ellyn Ruthstorm,” Bi Women (2010)

“Q: Which gender person does a bisexual love? A: Any gender she wants.”

— Marcia Deihl, “Do Clothes Make the Woman?”, Bi Women (2010)

“While the bisexual manifesto being written following a workshop at London BiCon is still being worked on, the tweeters set to work on a shorter, snappier alternative… ‘Love is about what’s in your hearts, not your underwear.’ […] ‘We aren’t more confused, greedy, indecisive or lustful than anyone else. We like people based on personality not gender.’ ‘[W]e believe that lust is more important than anatomy.’ ‘What you have between your legs doesn’t matter. What you have between your ears does[.]’”

— Jen Yockney, “#bisexualmanifesto,” Bi Community News (2010)

“As briefly mentioned above and interlinked with the notion of ‘importance of individuality’, the binary concepts of gender and the stereotypes surrounding these is a notion which each of the [bisexual] women interviewed fundamentally reject. The participants here were keen to distance themselves and their experiences of romantic relationships from any notion of hetero-normative gender boundaries, although they did agree that unfortunately these gender boundaries still exist in contemporary society. Most participants do not link gender boundaries with concepts of romantic love; it was stated that although sometimes gender boundaries can be seen in romantic relationships this is primarily down to socialisation and the unnecessary importance that hetero-normative society places on gender roles. Therefore, gender boundaries seen in romantic relationships are not constrained by gender but instead are a product of gendered socialisation. For these women, claiming their bisexual identity and their romantic relationships illustrates the futility of binary concepts of gender as it is about individual preference or style rather than gendered norms values and expectations.”

— Emma Smith, “Bisexuality, Gender & Romantic Relationships,” Bi Community News (2012)

“And anyway, I’m generally not sexually attracted to men or women. I’m into all sorts of things, but a person being a man or a woman isn’t a turn-on. Certainly not in the same way it’s a turn off to a gay or straight person. I’m never going to think “Wow, Zie is really sexy, shame they’re a ____” because what turns me off isn’t gender.”

— Marcus, “What makes a bisexual?”, Bi Community News (2012)

“I am bisexual. That does not depend on my dating experience or my attraction specifications. It is not affected by my dislike for genitals (of any shape). All it describes is how gender affects attraction for me: it doesn’t. I am attracted to people regardless of gender, and I am bisexual.”

— Emma Jones, “Not Like the Others,” Bi Women (2013)

“I’m generally okay with ‘attraction to more than one gender’ [as a definition of ‘bisexuality’]. I think that the ‘more than’ part is important because there are definitely more than two genders. Some people like the definition ‘attraction regardless of gender’ and I like that too because it suggests that things other than gender can be equally, or more, important in who we are attracted to. I like to question why our idea of sexuality is so bound up with gender of partners. Why not encompass other aspects such as the roles we like to take sexually, or how active or passive we like to be, or what practices we enjoy? Why is our gender, and the gender of our partners, seen as such a vital part of who we are?”

— Robyn Ochs, “Around the World: Meg Barker,” Bi Women (2013)

“It may sound crazy but I’d never thought that carefully about the ‘bi’ part of the word meaning ‘two’. I’d always understood bisexuality to mean what Bobbie Petford reports as the preferred definition from within the UK bi communities: changeable ‘sexual and emotional attraction to people of any sex, where gender may not be a defining factor’. […] Participants in the BiCon discussion rejected the ‘you are a boy or you are a girl…binary’ (Lanei), all arguing that they were not straightforwardly ‘masculine’ or ‘feminine’.

[…] Because they discarded the dichotomous understanding of gender, participants rejected the ideas that they were attracted to ‘both’ men and women, arguing that they did not perceive gender as the defining feature in their attraction. Kim said: I don’t think actually gender is that relevant…gender is like eye colour, and I notice it sometimes, and sometimes it can be a bit of a feature it’s like “oo, that’s nice” and I have some sorts of gender types, but it’s about as important as something like eye colour.

[…] As I came to realise that you can actually be bisexual…your desires and your attractions can wax and wane as time goes on, I realised that there was a parallel to gender: you don’t have to clearly define, you don’t have to cast off the male to be female and vice versa. Despite the fact that the conventional definition of the word ‘bisexual’ could be seen as perpetuating a dichotomous concept of gender, being attracted to both sexes, Georgina concluded that it could challenge conventional understandings of gender…”

— “Bisexuality & Gender,” Bi Community News (2014)

“My fellow bisexuals… I stand before you as an unapologetic, outspoken, bisexual activist who has intimately loved women, men and transgender persons throughout my life span of 72 years…”

— ABilly S. Jones-Hennin, “If Loving You is Wrong, Then I Don’t Want to be Right,” Bisexual Organizing Project (2014)

“Coming out as bisexual in the late 80s, when I first came across the label pansexual it didn’t involve any kind of gender nuance: it was how someone explained their bisexuality feeling interwoven with their Pagan beliefs. Back then the ‘bi’ in bisexual didn’t get talked about as having some great limiting weight of ‘two’, it was an “and” in a world that saw things as strictly either/or. As I was pushing at boundaries of discussion around gender and sexuality with people in the 90s I’d sometimes quip that I was ‘bisexual, I just haven’t decided which two genders yet’. When I started to come across people saying that bi was limiting because it meant two, a bit of me did think: oh lord, were they taking me seriously?”

— Jen, “Bi or Pan?”, Bi Community News (2015)

“Pansexuality is sometimes defined as attraction to people of all genders, which is also the experience of many bisexual people. More often than not, however, people define their pansexuality in relation to bisexuality. In response to the question: ‘What does pansexual mean?’ I’ve seen countless people reply: ‘I’m attracted to people of more than two genders. Not bisexual.’ The implication is that bisexual means binary attraction: men and women only.

Since I came out in the late 90s, I haven’t seen one bi activist organisation define bisexuality as attraction solely to men and women. Bi and trans* issues began to grow in recognition at the same time. When I use ‘bi’ to refer to two types of attraction, I mean attraction to people of my gender and attraction to people of other genders. […] …it’s so upsetting to see internalised biphobia leading many pansexuals, many of whom until recently identified as bisexual, telling us we’re still not queer enough. Gay and straight people aren’t being pressurised into giving up the language they use to describe their attractions and neither should they be. As usual it’s only bisexuals being shamed into erasing our identities and our history.

The most frustrating thing to me about the current bi vs pan discourse is that it’s framed as a cisgender vs genderqueer debate. This has never been the case. In reality, many genderqueer people identify as bisexual… To say bisexuality is binary erases the identities of these revolutionary bisexual genderqueer activists, and it erases the identity of every marginalised genderqueer bisexual they’re fighting for.”

— Sali, “Bi or Pan?”, Bi Community News (2015)

“Currently some pansexual people argue that bi is ‘too binary’ and that bisexuals are focused on conventional male/female gender expressions only. This is then taken to mean that bisexuals are more transphobic, whereas pansexuals aren’t locked into a binary so they are open to all gender expressions. However we believe this is not the case since bisexuals: ‘… do not comply with our society’s imposed framework of attraction, we must consciously construct our own framework and examine how and why we are attracted (or not) to others. This process automatically acknowledges the artificiality of the gender binary and gendered norms and expectations for behavior. Indeed, the mere act of explaining our definition of bisexual to a nonbisexual person requires us to address the falsity of the gender binary head on.’

We do not deny that in actuality some bisexuals are too bound by traditional binary gender assumptions, just as many gay, lesbian, and heterosexual, and some trans people are too. Bisexuals, however, have been in the forefront of exploring desire and connection beyond sex and gender. When anyone accuses bisexuals, uniquely, as more binary and more transphobic than other identity groups, such targeting is not only inappropriate but is also rooted in biphobia — a fear and hatred of bi people for who we are and how we love.

Confusing the issue are the definitions in resource glossaries defining bisexual, most surprisingly in newly released books including textbooks. [...] These definitions arbitrarily define bisexual in a binary way and then present pansexual as a non-binary alternative. This opens the doorway to a judgment that pansexual identity is superior to bisexual identity because it ‘opens possibilities’ and is a ‘more fluid and much broader form of sexual orientation’. This judgmental conclusion is unacceptable and dangerous as it lends itself to perpetuating bisexual erasure. The actual lived non-binary history of the bisexual community and movement and the inclusive nature and community spirit of bisexuals are eradicated when a binary interpretation of our name for ourselves is arbitrarily assumed.”

— Lani Ka’ahumanu and Loraine Hutchins, “Bi Organizing Since 1991,” Bi Any Other Name (New 25th Anniversary Edition) (2015)

“Herself a bisexual woman, [Nan Goldin] found that drag queens, to her a third gender, were perfect companions. By transgressing the bounds of the binary, they had created identities that were infinitely more meaningful.”

— Alicia Diane Ridout, “Gender Euphoria: Photography, Fashion, and Gender Nonconformity in The East Village” (2015)

“It is the job of those of us with links to children to continue to promote the language of bisexuality and validity of attraction to all genders — especially when that attraction changes over time.”

— Bethan, “Practical Bi Awareness: Teaching and LGBT,” Bi Community News (2016)

“The persistent use of the Kinsey Scale is another issue. Originally asking about the genders of people you have had sex with, more recently it gets deployed in more sophisticated ways which distinguish between sexual attraction, romantic attraction, and sexual activity. Nonetheless it is woefully inadequate in accounting for attraction to genders other than male and female — a key part of many bisexual people’s experience.”

— Milena Popova, “Scrap the Kinsey Scale!”, Bi Community News (2016)

“Robyn Ochs states where the EuroBiCon also stands for: bisexuality goes beyond the binary gender thinking. There are more genders than the obsolete idea of two: male and female.”

— Erwin, “Robyn Ochs: ‘Bisexuality goes beyond the binary gender thinking’,” European Bisexual Conference (2016)

“I call myself bisexual because it includes attraction to all genders (same as mine; different from mine).”

— Rev. Francesca Bongiorno Fortunato, “Label Me With a B,” Bi Women Quarterly (2016)

“Loving a person rather than a man or a woman: this is Runa Wehrli’s philosophy. At 18, she defines herself as bisexual and speaks about it openly. […] She believes that love should not be confined by the barriers put up by society. ‘I fall in love with a person and not a gender,’ she says. […] Now single and just out of high school, she is leaving the door open to love, while still refusing to give it a gender.”

— Katy Romy, “‘I fall in love with a person and not a gender’,” Swissinfo (2017)

“I’m bisexual so I can’t really come out as gay. When I’m gay I’m very gay. And when I’m with men then, you know, I’m with men. I don’t fall in love with people because of their gender.”

— Nan Goldin for Sleek Magazine (2017)

“I use the word bisexual — a lot / I’ve marched in the Pride parade with the Toronto Bisexual Network / I post Bi pride & Bi awareness articles all over social media / I’m seeking out dates of any and all genders / (not to prove anything to anyone, but simply because I want to)

— D’Arcy L. J. White, “Coming Out as Bisexual,” Bi Women Quarterly (2017)

“BISEXUAL — Someone who is attracted to more than one gender, someone who is attracted to two or more genders, someone who is attracted to the same and other genders, or someone who is attracted to people regardless of their gender. […] Other words with the same definition of bisexual, though they have different connotations, are ‘pansexual,’ ‘polysexual,’ and ‘omnisexual.’”

— Morgan Lev Edward Holleb, The A-Z of Gender and Sexuality: From Ace to Ze (2018)

“In the heat of July [2009], and finally equipped with a word for “attracted to people regardless of gender”, I bounded out of Brighton station with that same best friend. At the time, I didn’t know that we bisexuals have our own flag…”

— Lois Shearing, “Why London Pride’s first bi pride float was so important,” The Queerness (2018)

“Being bisexual does not assume people are only attracted to just two genders. Bisexuality can be limitless for many and pay no regard to the sex or gender of a person.”

— “The Bi+ Manifesto” (2018)

“I realized I was bisexual at age fifteen, but although I am attracted to folks of any gender, I’ve always had a preference for men.”

— Mark Mulligan, “Fight and Flight: ‘Butch Flight,’ Trans Men, and the Elusive Question of Authenticity,” Nursing Clio (2018)

“Bisexuality just became, to me, about that openness — that openness to anything, and any potential to any type of relationship, regardless of gender. Gender is no longer a disqualifier for me. It’s about the person.”

— Rob Cohen, “Where Are All the Bi Guys?,” Two Bi Guys (2019)

“Oh no, Mom. I’m not a lesbian. Actually, I’m bisexual. That means that gender doesn’t determine whom I’m attracted to.”

— Annie Bliss, “Older and Younger,” Bi Women Quarterly (2019)

“A bisexual woman, for example, may have sex with, date or marry another woman, a man or someone who is non-binary. […] If you think you might be bisexual, try asking yourself these questions: …Can I picture myself dating, having sex with, or being married to any gender/sex?”

— “I Think I Might Be Bisexual,” Advocates for Youth

“Although it’s true that people have all kinds of different attractions to different kinds of people, assuming that all bisexuals are never attracted to trans or genderqueer folk is harmful, not only to bi individuals, but to trans and genderqueer individuals who choose to label themselves as bi.”

— “Labels,” Bisexual Resource Center

“My own understanding of bisexuality has changed dramatically over the years. I used to define bisexuality as ‘the potential to be attracted to people regardless of their gender.’ […] Alberto is attracted to the poles, to super-masculine guys and super-feminine girls. Others are attracted to masculinity and/or femininity, regardless of a person’s sex. Some of us who identify as bisexual are in fact ‘gender-blind.’ For others — in fact for me — it’s androgyny or the blending of genders that compels.”

— Robin Ochs, “What Does It Mean to Be Bi+?”, Bisexual Resource Center

“… bisexual people are those for whom gender is not the first criteria in determining attraction.”

— Illinois Department of Public Health, “Sexual Orientation, Gender Identity and Youth Suicide”

“Bisexuality is sexual/romantic attraction to people regardless of sex or gender.”

— “Bisexual FAQ,” Kvartir

“Please also note that attraction to both same and different means attraction to all. Bisexuality is inherently inclusive of everyone, regardless of sex or gender.

In everyday language, depending on the speaker’s culture, background, and politics, that translates into a variety of everyday definitions such as:

Attraction to men and women

Attraction to all sexes or genders

Attraction to same and other genders

Love beyond gender

Attraction regardless of sex or gender”

— American Institute of Bisexuality, “What Is Bisexuality?,” Bi.org

“This idea [that bisexuality reinforces a false gender binary] has its roots in the anti-science, anti-Enlightenment philosophy that has ironically found a home within many Queer Studies departments at universities across the Anglophone world. […] Bisexuality is an orientation for which sex and gender are not a boundary to attraction… Over time, our society’s concept of human sex and gender may well change. For bis, people for whom sex/gender is already not a boundary, any such change would have little effect.”

— American Institute of Bisexuality, “Questions,” Bi.org

Gender-expansive (or -fluid, or -blind) descriptions of bisexuality are nothing new — and with the exception of the Getting Bi quotes, the above compilation is just what I was able to find online. Arguably, the concept of excluding genders never even crossed the mind of many twentieth-century bisexuals — not just because “nonbinary genders hadn’t entered the mainstream” — but simply because many bisexuals understand bisexuality itself as “beyond” gender. Go to any bisexual organization and they’ll tell you bisexuality is broad and can include anyone.

Of course, the above quotes do not reflect the beliefs of every bisexual — no single quote can do that. These quotes were certainly not the only variation of bisexual-given definitions of bisexuality. I’m only pointing out that the “both” descriptions are similarly not the only ones that exist.

Even then, before wider knowledge of and language for nonbinary identities, attraction to “both” men and women was attraction regardless of gender. “Both” does not purposefully keep anyone out; it only (mistakenly) assumes how many groups there are. Gender not being a make-or-break, or not caring about gender in general, doesn’t depend on how many genders there are.⁶

Not to mention, all sexualities automatically include some nonbinary people — “nonbinary” isn’t merely a third gender. The mere notion that someone could just “not be attracted” to nonbinary people as a group completely misunderstands nonbinary identity.

Some bisexuals “see a person, not a gender,” while others, like me, see a person with a gender (that doesn’t stop us from finding them attractive), if they have one. Being bisexual has made me see people in more gender-neutral ways. Our experiences are far too vast to pin down, and there’s immense beauty in that vagueness.

Also, while bisexual activism and transgender activism have frequently overlapped, plenty of cisgender bisexuals are transphobic. But this is because all sexualities have transphobes. Even if we coined a sexual identity that only transgender people could use, some identifying with it would still likely be transphobes. Why allow transphobic bisexuals to erase the attitudes of all the bisexuals before and after them?

I find it incredibly odd that people now task bisexuals with proving our inclusivity considering that, for decades, we never had to. We had always (i.e., consistently throughout history, not as in every bisexual) been warping gender norms, but it was never to debunk a myth or make ourselves look good; it was just how we were. That hasn’t changed.

One of the predominant stereotypes is still that we’re indiscriminate sluts willing to sleep with anyone, but somehow there’s a new wave of folks insisting that we require our partners to obey the gender binary. I have a severely hard time believing this conclusion is based on reality. Almost all attempts to redefine bisexuality as binary come from people who don’t identify as such.

Imagine if we performed this revisionism with the word “gay.” For this example, I’ll use “gay” to describe gay men in particular.

“Gay” only means exclusive attraction to men, so the people who use that word only like cisgender men. I’m androsexual, which means I like cisgender, transgender, and nonbinary men.

Doesn’t that sound ridiculous? So why do we only apply this rhetoric to bisexuals? (It couldn’t possibly be because of biphobia, could it?)

While it’s obviously unrealistic to say that no bisexual person has ever been transphobic, bisexual orientation is not, and never has been, about exclusion. Considering that bisexual activists were seldom (if ever) focused on the prefix in the word “bisexual,” this recent fixation people have on trying to find a way to use “two” in its definition is misguided.

Begging to differ is ignorant and arrogant, contradicting not only history but many current bisexuals who understand bisexuality as all-encompassing. Acting like it’s uniquely binary or inherently limited in any way is indisputably false and biphobic. Please stop speaking over us and erasing our history. It, like the bisexual community itself, is bountiful, beautiful, and never going away.

Here’s one final quote that, while a bit unrelated to the rest, I particularly enjoy:

“I understand bisexuality not as a mixture of homosexuality and heterosexuality as Kinsey did, nor as a particular sexuality on an equal footing with homosexuality and heterosexuality, but as a holistic view of human sexuality, in which all aspects related to human sexuality are taken into account.”

— Miguel Obradors-Campos, “Deconstructing Biphobia” (2011)

#bi tumblr #bisexuality #bi #lgbtq #support bisexuality #bisexuality is valid #lgbtq pride #pride #bi pride #lgbtq community #queer history #bisexual history #bi history #lgbt+ community #bisexual community #bisexual nation #bisexual education #bisexual youth #bisexual representation #support bisexual people #bisexual rights #bisexual injustice #bisexual tips #tips/info #bisexual info #bisexual

[hayleysayshay]

Honestly this is probably my most controversial opinion but I don’t really care if people head canon Korra and Asami as lesbians.

Like, I think they’re bisexual. They are bisexual in canon if you take into consideration the author’s confirmation as canon. I also hate anti-fans (anti SJW type people) saying ‘they turned them into lesbians!!!’ When discussing the finale, because dating a woman doesn’t turn you into a lesbian and I consider that to be erasure. Realising you like your friend is kind of how a lot of relationships work in real life. I believe canon paints Korra and Asami having a real romantic interest in Mako. It just didn’t work out. And then they date eachother.

However if a lesbian fan reads either Korra or Asami’s relationship with Mako as comp het and they recognise the characters as being gay in a way that’s similar to their own experiences and identity it doesn’t really bother me. I can see that some lesbians have dated men in the past so that could happen with Korra and Asami.

Like this doesn’t invalidate canon as it’s a fan interpretation. Canon is still canon and the author’s word and not changed by some random user’s tweet or fanfic.

I suppose it comes down if you see a fan saying ‘Asami is a lesbian’ as dismissing any discussion of her being bisexual, but often (on Twitter where I saw most of this discourse that’s recent) it isn’t? It’s just someone saying they see them as gay. It doesn’t change anything to do with canon. Obviously some people saying ‘Asami is a lesbian and you’re wrong for thinking she’s bisexual’ isn’t a position I support but I think we often assume people are supporting the worst when discussing sexualities of fictional characters on the internet.

I don’t know, I think a lot of this is just personal preference. Like for me fanworks and headcanons have wildly differing interpretations and I feel like there’s always room for different versions of the same story. That’s the joy in fan works and headcanons. If you don’t like one interpretation, chance is there’s something out there that actually hits all your own personal ideas. And sometimes it’s fun to read stuff that is far away from your own interpretation!

This relates to head canoning Mako as gay, and not bisexual (I mean him being interpreted as straight isn’t normally negatively seen). Some people see this bi-erasure because he dated women, but again, comp het is a story that does happens as gay men do date women before realising they’re gay (I mean, inherently, the most canon sexuality is still that he’s straight). I headcanon him as bisexual but it’s no more canon than him being gay. Or similarly, headcanoning Kya as bisexual when people usually consider her a lesbian, because she mentioned a girlfriend (so canon sapphic) but we don’t actually know how she actually identifies. She could have previously dated a man or consider herself as Bi. We don’t know.

Maybe there’s a broader discussion on if some people can’t relate to bisexual characters in queer relationships so they feel the need to head canon them as gay. I think that’s a potentially interesting discussion and I do acknowledge that part of the discourse and I do think bisexual erasure is a thing that happens with these posts about gay Korra and Asami, and I get that it feels personal for so many people so there is genuine hurt.

But is it really that problematic for someone to headcanon a fictional character to their sexuality given in a blog post? I mean I freely ignore some of the canon commentary (smh Wu and Mako did not know eachother for three years I don’t care what the commentary implies. But the commentary is still more canon than my HC). Maybe, again, some rando’s opinion doesn’t actually affect my read of them being bisexual which I feel is very supported by canon and will not change this fact. Maybe I just don’t think good activism involves dog piling on some random twitter account for thinking Asami is gay.

#tlok #legend of korra #lok #my ramblings #korrasami #honestly this was prompted by adora is a lesbian not bi discourse on twitter #which i have the same feelings towards #she’s just a fictional character #someone saying they’re bisexual doesn’t invalidate you #I get this is a personal topic and people get hurt #and you’re setting yourself up to get hurt #I don’t think tying your sense of self to characters is a good thing #as people will not like or just interpret the character differently

[twopoppies]

Hey Gina! I was wondering if you have any opinions about the bi/pan phobia in this fandom? I have been struggling a lot recently with the amount of people that insist that H is either straight OR gay. I just think as a bi (?) person myself, that the amount of times he has talked about being unlabeled and “blurred lines” and not feeling particularly attracted to a label is really relatable and makes it clear that he is not one or the other. It’s just really frustrating and honestly invalidating that ppl take bi and pan sexuality off the table. Like it’s not real and therefore not an option. Or like they want him to fit in a box/their idea of what he should be when he very clearly does not want to.

(Absolutely no hate and this is not pointed at you I’m just feeling really frustrated with the fandom right now)

Hi love. I can’t answer your question from the POV of the entire fandom. All I can do is answer it from my own (bisexual) point of view. First of all, he has one time said he doesn’t feel the need to label his sexuality. And he said that to Dan Wootton when he was asked directly about it. That is not Harry saying multiple times that he’s “unlabelled”. To me that’s a closeted man answering a question in the best way he can without straight out refusing to answer it and without directly lying.

IMO the conversations he’s had where he’s talked about “blurred lines” have been him referring more to his own gender than his sexuality or the sexuality of his partners. Additionally, many people use the word “gay” as an umbrella term, so unless you’ve questioned everyone who has said he’s gay, you’re jumping to conclusions that they’re all insisting he couldn’t be bi/pan. 

I’m sure there are people who “take bi and pan sexuality off the table” because they don’t think it’s a legitimate sexuality, or want H to be some other sexuality because of some agenda, but frankly, the majority of people who I’ve seen insist that he’s bi are the ones with the agenda (not referring to you, specifically, just saying in general).

Again, all I can speak to is my own personal response to what Harry has said and done over the years. He very clearly said he didn’t think he was bisexual when he was point blank asked. Could that answer be different now? Sure. He was very young when he said that. However, I’ve never seen him have any sort of sexual attraction towards, or chemistry with, any woman. Nor have I seen him flirt with any women (besides elderly women) the way I’ve seen him do with many, many men. 

Whatever he labels his sexuality as, I believe he’s living his life as a gay man, attracted to men (especially one man in particular). If you think he may be bi/pan, go for it. Personally, I know bisexuality exists because I live it. Whether Harry Styles is bi or not doesn’t affect my day to day existence but I’m not interested in people insisting he’s bisexual only so they can hold on to their fantasy that he might fuck them. 

Edit: Thank you @metal-eye There’s also this quote from The Face: Then there is the question of Styles’ sexuality, something he has admittedly ​“never really started to label”. 

(again... not saying his sexuality is “unlabelled”. Not saying he’s bi/pan/gay.)

#Harry's sexuality #also for the incredibly pathetic anon who sent me multiple messages #pretending to be different people #yelling about Harry... #go outside and get some fresh air #you're clearly on the brink of losing it #Anonymous

[ecoamerica]

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#ACLA24 #ACLA24HighSchoolStudents #youtube #youtube video #climate leaders #climate solutions #climate action #climate and environment #climate #climate change #climate and health #climate blog #climate justice #climate news #weather and climate #environmental news #environment #environmental awareness #environment and health #environmental #environmental issues #environmental education #environmental justice #environmental protection #environmental health #high school students #high school #youth #youth of america #school

[lesbianbending-moved]

I felt right with using the term bisexual because it really helped me, I found a description I could relate to and now, it feels like it's not quite right. I'm not sure how to explain it. People will say I'm wrong because I've never been with a guy, but do I have to? I know this is something I will learn more of overtime, and I wish I understood it fully now. Love feels incredibly distant, especially after what went down with my ex. I'm scared of being called a phony by my family. Part 3-

Overall just being told I can never stick to one thing, this is my sexuality, not theirs. I don't know how strongly heteronormativity has affected me. Any chance I get I try my best to tell others to keep an open mind and not discriminate against others for what they don't understand. My parents are one of them and recently I came out as non-binary to my dad who still deadnamed me. I'm tired of trying to get them to understand, if I told them I was lesbian after finding out I wasn't bi, they-

Would think I'm lying. I'm sorry about sending in so many asks. There's no one I can speak to about there kinds of things lately since I'm busy with school like my friends are. Your posts are helpful and I'm glad I'm not the only one felt this way. I write sapphic stories and comics, and have felt differently around women then I do with men. I've been lucky in the fact that my parents aren't hateful but they don't seem to ever really get around to understand and accepting who I am fully.

hey honey i’m so so sorry you’re going through this. but i’m glad you feel comfy reaching out! overall in terms of advice i could give you, you already hit the nail on the head: this is your sexuality, not theirs. that’s the bottom line 

1) you definitely don’t need to be with a guy to know whether you are bi or a lesbian or neither. if you want to try it out, great! if trying it out is not for you, it’s not for you. personally, the closest thing i had to a bf was when i was 14/15 and i went out with a guy for about a week or two before i freaked out and broke up with him. i never really ‘tried’ guys bc i just didn’t feel the need to! and i don’t regret that in any way!

2) i hope you know that not being able to figure out whether you are bi or a lesbian does not mean you ‘can’t choose’. it’s so confusing, compulsory heterosexuality messes up your brain and it’s something that everyone goes through, you just need to take your time. trust me, i wish there was a way to check off a list to see if you are a lesbian or not- i would have sold my soul to have that when i was 15. 

3) i’m so so sorry about your parents. all i can say is my mother was the type of person who would ‘check in’ every month or so to see if i was still a lesbian after i came out to her. she was never hateful and i feel very lucky that i had a family that supported me, but still she would say ‘oh you never know, maybe one day you’ll meet a nice boy...’ and one day i just had to have a real conversation with her about it. it was really quick, i just said “mom, i know you mean well and want to make sure i know my options are open, but this is something that took me a really long time to figure out and come to terms with. i’ve already spent 5 years trying to figure out if i like boys and i know 100% that i don’t. i know you don’t mean to be hurtful, but it becomes invalidating when you make comments like that”. my mom is not a very compromising person, and most times being critiqued she can feel as though she’s being attacked, but just laying it out like that made her understand that i had a v different experience with this than her, and she stopped. 

4) i know it sucks sometimes to keep it all in, but know that you don’t have to come out if you don’t feel completely comfortable doing so. if you truly fear what your parents will think if you come out as a lesbian or just as not really wanting to use a label anymore, you are by no means obligated to come out to them. i was forced to come out to my dad, and even though i knew he would be supportive it was terrifying and i wish i could have told him when i felt 100% comfortable and ready. if you still feel like you need to figure yourself out a bit before you tell anyone, that’s fine! don’t feel like you need to come out again unless you are truly comfortable. 

here is a resource that i personally have not used but has been helpful to a lot of people in figuring out their feelings in regards to comphet. 

feel free to message me off anon if you want more advice!! i’ll try to help in any way i can <333333

#Anonymous #tw transphobia

[kae-karo]

hi! over the years i've really valued your opinions on things but if you don't want to talk about this i would understand. there's a lot of talk these days about bi/pan lesbians and similar "new" identities (like he/him lesbians for example) and i was just curious what you thought about them. i've seen people say they are invalidating others or don't exist but i always thought it was our job as a community to allow each other to experience their experience even if its different than ours?

hello dear!!! first of all 🥺🥺🥺 thank u so much that’s so sweet of u to say???

okay, now onto the topic at hand - here’s the thing, i’ve honestly only heard the bi/pan lesbian label come across my radar pretty recently, and in a negative light, so i won’t claim to be an expert on either side. i also should note that i don’t id as bi or lesbian and labels have never been super important to me, which makes this conversation a less personal one and one that i can’t really give any kind of subjective "this is how it influences me personally” opinion on

all that said, here’s what i’m seeing: bi/pan lesbian is an identity that came about as a way to describe bi/pan ppl who have a preferential attraction to women, which is kind of...not great, in my opinion, and i can see pretty clearly how it harms all identities (bi/pan AND lesbian) by treating it as a separate identity

first and foremost, it’s invalidating to the actual description of bi/pan ppl by suggesting that all bi/pan ppl must have a perfectly equal attraction to all genders in order to be considered ‘truly’ bi/pan

which is wack, and usually ppl who experience differences in types of attraction based on gender may opt to describe themselves as bi, while ppl without any real difference in preferences might choose pan, though both are totally valid for any type of umbrella attraction and the distinction matters to some ppl and not others

it also implies that there’s something wrong with being attracted to men from the perspective of not ‘fully’ identifying as bi/pan

normally i’m really on the side of ‘hey choose whatever labels make you happy and comfy’, but i think there’s a difference between that and trying to misdefine existing labels to suit your feelings? like. if u have a preference for women or fem-aligned genders, etc etc, cool! but tbh it makes no sense to me to try to redefine what it means to be a lesbian or to be bi/pan in order to explain your attraction? the main reason this upsets me and a lot of bi/pan folks (and other ppl in the queer community) is that there is already a term that exists to describe that preference

even if you’re not personally affected by the negative possible aspects of that becoming a popular terminology, it can be super confusing for people outside the queer community, the new baby queers, and it can also instigate a possibly transphobic discussion about what it means to have that preference and why it requires identifying as a ‘lesbian’, etc etc. here’s a pretty good walkthrough of the ways that terms like bi/pan lesbian (and bi/pan het) affect bi/pan ppl and lesbians (x) and here’s another (briefer) breakdown (x)

**a quick caveat! i know many ppl use the two-orientation description as a way to describe romantic and sexual attraction in one statement! ie ace lesbian or something like that, where they might be asexual but id as a lesbian in terms of romantic attraction exclusively. this is not what i’m talking about above, and is totally a valid and non-detrimental way to identify!!

now, here’s the thing about he/him lesbians. pronouns =/= gender. a person can use any pronouns (including neopronouns or less conventional ones!) and still identify as a gender that has not been socially constructed to be represented by those pronouns. all pronouns are, for lack of a better description, are a secondary name. basically a nickname, if you will. someone deciding they want to be called by a traditionally masc name, like alex or trevor, doesn’t mean that they must therefore be male, right? i think we as the queer community know and agree that that’s the case - they could be nonbinary, or agender, or female or literally any other gender at all! we as a community have acknowledged that names do not define gender. we’re still getting to the general acceptance and understanding that pronouns also do not define gender, but i think the he/him lesbian discourse shows that we haven’t really gotten there yet. he/him is just a way someone wants to be referred to when his name isn’t used - that doesn’t mean he isn’t female or fem-aligned in the way that he’d want to id as a lesbian!

i think the key distinction between these two discussions (bi/pan lesbian and he/him lesbian) is the fact that one is discussing redefining existing definitions for a sexuality in a way that’s harmful to both sexualities involved while the other is discussing a person’s pronoun preference (not their actual gender, but pronoun preference) as a prerequisite for whether they’re allowed to identify as a lesbian

to your note about letting others experience their own experiences - again, this is something i wholeheartedly endorse, with the exception of times where someone ‘experiencing their own experience’ is actively harming other groups. i think it’s p clear that bi/pan lesbian as a term can have some really negative effects on people in the bi/pan and lesbian communities, but all i can see with he/him lesbians is that they’re actively working to break down the social construct of pronouns being equated with gender, which can only really benefit everyone in my opinion

anyway, i hope that gives u some insight into my thoughts dear!! thanks so much for sending this 💜

#anon #ask

[butch-bakugo]

Society hates lesbians for not being attracted to men therefore ALL women attratced to men benefit from opression of lesbians. That's it.

No they dont? Society hates lesbians for both being attracted to women(and nbs) as women( and nbs) and also not being attracted to men. By this logic, aroace women would be just as oppressed as lesbians and they arent lol

Bi women are oppressed for being attracted to women and men( and nbs).

Bi women who are in wlw relationships get treated just as poorly as lesbians because society assumes they are lesbians. They dont benefit from that.

There is something to be said for the cis/cis-passing bi women in mlw relationships because, unless they or their partner are visibly lgbt, they benefit from being seen as "straight". But unless that bi woman is cis/cis-passing, gender and pronoun conforming and isnt loud about being bisexual as she dates a man who is cis/cis-passing, gender and pronoun conforming who isnt loud about being trans/bi/whatever else have you, she will be treated poorly because her and her partner will be assumed gay, trans or otherwise lgbt.

The bi women who can be cishet-passing with a cishet-passing partner are slim to none and no bi women should be made to feel like she cant dress or act or date who she wants in fear of being invalidated by other lgbt for fitting the mold mentioned above. Shes still bisexual if shes dating a cishet man.

It isnt fair to say bi women benefit from lesbophobia because they dont. They themselves are still affected by at least 1 half of what makes up lesbophobia and thats visibly loving women( and nbs) as women( and nbs).

#levi speaks

[piccolina-mina]

I’m honestly disgusted by your post how can you sit there an basically admit to fetishizing m/f pairings as if that’s any better than straight women fetishizing two men or men fetishizing two women and hide that within a post supposedly about bi representation, I’m bi and for one love to see a bi character end up with someone of the same sex because so often bi characters are used for brownie points and don’t get that same sex endgame that fandoms get so seldom as it is.

I don't know what you're talking about nonny.

Oh. Oh. Acknowledging someone is attractive and desirable is not fetishizing them. Saying fans who choose to self insert with characters, something that is a part of the process when consuming fiction via TV shows, films, and books is also not fetishizing someone.

Are your partners or potential partners fetishizing you when they express interest and attraction in you?

Did my post or any of them express a habitual sexual fixation on any and all characters present in it? Have I reduced any of them to just that fixation? Nope.

Do you as a bi person have every right to enjoy a same sex pairing on TV? Absolutely. Do you have a right to see yourself within a character? Connect to that character so that their representation resonates with you? Yes.

Do you have a right to feel seen within the expression of a fictional relationship? Do you have a right to feel acknowledged within one? Do have a right to feel attracted to a character? Do you have a right to feel represented or reminded that you, and people like you are valid and desirable, and worthy of love and affection and attraction? Yes, yes, and yes.

You do. I said that. And so does everyone else. People, other bisexual people, have literally reblogged and shared their thoughts and expressed their sentiments on the post and in the tags.

I don't give a fuck if you're disgusted. You're entitled to that. But why don't you not do your own community the disservice of invalidating and disregarding their feelings even if you don't give a solitary fuck about mine, yeah? I'm out of grace, nonny. But you don't have to be.

You're not owning me with this, you're disrespecting them. There's room for you to disagree just like there should be room for them as well. That's all this is ever about... letting people have room and share a fucking space in fandom with you.

So in essence, it isn't about how gratifying and pleasurable, and emotional I still get as a black girl whenever I see black female characters who are desired and cherished and revered and cared for especially in romantic relationships because I still know how rare that is even when strides have been made. Strides have been made with queer representation, but you still are fighting for more and the normalization of that representation across the landscape, are you not, nonny?

And it's not about how it's even rarer to see a relatively healthy interracial relationship involving a black woman that isn't treated like a bad thing and that's normalized -- that isn't mocked (well, within the series anyway), or fetishized, or bogged down with racial tragedy and tension and oppression.

Because we still live in a world where someone like me can hear "you're kinda cute for a black girl" like it's a compliment or is ridiculed or judged for having the audacity to be attracted to more than just men who "look" like me.

Nor is it about how that relationship you choose to only see as hetero can have an entirely different meaning for queer and straight WOC who may be using a different lens than yours consuming media ... one that centers their identity... that's allowed right? Or no?

Or how you're not the only one who wants to feel seen and deserves to feel seen and has latched onto something representative of you.

It's about how there should be space for all to do so. There are two whole ships in question that allow factions of fandom to enjoy and feel visible and yet this fandom tears itself apart undercutting and shitting on someone else's visibility.

What if the show didn't pit two disenfranchised parties against each other? What if they chose to give two disenfranchised parties representation with the desirable show favorite, but instead of letting people enjoy one or both versions that resonate with them, fandom has showed their entire ass and pit themselves against each other when they didn't fucking have to, nonny?

As for the other bits. You sit and think long and hard about all the times you watched a movie and daydreamed that you were the love interest. Think about all those girl and boy bands and musicians you were obsessed with growing up. Think about the times you heard a song and imagined someone writing it about you or singing it to you.

Think about the books you read where at some point you stopped reading about the protagonist ... you were the protagonist because you got so lost in the tale and their every experience felt like it was happening with you.

Think about all the times you watched a show and was enthralled when one of your favorite characters was with one of your most desired characters.

Think about how in almost every piece you consume there is always one or more characters you identify with ... ie self-inserts.

It's a natural part of consuming works of fiction, in consuming media in all of its forms. It's a natural part of fandoming.

So please stop being willfully obtuse and spare us all the disingenuous anger, disgust, and righteousness as if you couldn't comprehend what I was saying in that post.

It's beneath you. You have a good day now. I don't have anything else to say on the matter, so don't waste either of our time with a rebuttal that only shows that you were never interested in engaging only being bitter in someone's inbox over bullshit.

#I'm sitting comfortably with a cup of tea with every intention of enjoying the rest of my day #you try to do the same #today on MY identity is more important and valid than other people who share mine and yours #rnm notoriety #rnm fandom fkery

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