#as far as i can tell this dude just went through all the top 40 albums of 2022 and made comments like these on all of them | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

wing-ed-thing · 3 years

Text

Modern AU Akatsuki Headcanons

These are more akin to how I personally write the Akatsuki in a Modern AU. I usually like to keep things as close to canon as I can, but I put a little of my own creative flair on these.

For now, we’re going to ignore everyone’s homicidal tendencies and assume that everyone’s a relatively normal, functioning member of society.

Warnings/Tags for Language, Mention of Alcohol, Drinking of Alcohol, Reader Insert

𓆃Deidara (19)

💕Graduated a bit over a year ago from high school and got an average class ranking.

💕His grades were actually better than Deidara, or anyone else for that matter, expected. He took a lot of art classes (which tend to give high scores by default) and he excelled in Advanced Placement Chemistry which boosted his GPA.

💕Isn’t quite sure about secondary education. Took some time off to do art on his own, but he never really put a definitive end on his gap year.

💕If he went to college, he’s ideally enjoy something in pyrotechnics. It’s something that he thinks about from time to time. That’s the only draw for him, but he doesn’t like the prospect of more school, although he does miss chemistry.

💕Works as a barista which got him hooked on caffeine. He makes great coffee but doesn’t like to make a fuss about it (because you should be focused more on his art over the frappe he made you).

💕Gives his friends their drinks for free.

💕An uncaffeinated Deidara is a useless Deidara.

𓆃Hidan (22)

💕Played baseball since he was little up through high school where he got recruited by a college team. That’s where he is now and has no idea what he’s doing after he graduates

💕Frat boy dude-bro, would not have gone to college if he wasn’t recruited

💕Will drink all night resulting in the most wholesome version of “boys will be boys”, will hug you gently from behind and rest his chin on your head (or at least he’ll try to)

💕Hidan will try to bench press you at some point. Doesn’t matter your body type, he thinks that he can do it.

💕Tried to be an English major without knowing how many “boring-ass books” he’d have to read and how many essays he’d have to write

💕Gotta keep your grades up for athletics, so he has mostly shoo in classes

💕Not to say that he’s not good academically, but he just needs his area of excellence. If he doesn’t care, he’s failing, but

💕His history and religion classes are his favorites so he’s majoring in that. He could read and talk about that all day. His essays are a bit all over the place but he has excellent insight

💕Needs reading glasses. His far vision is fine but he has to hold things a foot or less from his face in order to make out any details

💕He plays baseball with contacts in. Hidan likes the colored ones but they’re “expensive as fuck”

𓆃Itachi (21)

💕Full-ride scholarship and early graduation, top of his high school class

💕That wonder-kid that everyone loved but no one really talked to. The kind of guy that answers a question in class and ends up teaching the teacher something as they let him talk

💕Graduated with a bachelor’s degree and a master’s degree this year by going through a fast-track course. Is currently pursuing a PhD

💕Was a teaching assistant, a residential assistant, and a lab assistant in his undergrad

💕Surprisingly crafty, he made some great door decals for his residents (although you had to give him a bit of help)

💕Kinda socially stunted, has a hard time truly relating to others his age but can win over older people in a heartbeat

𓆃Kakuzu (91, but for the sake of the AU we’ll put him in his late 30s/early 40s)

💕The type who relied on himself, got lucky in life, but calls that luck hard work (although he does admittedly work hard)

💕Veteran

💕Works in finance and has a knack for stocks and trading. Doesn’t mind white collared shirts, but it drives him crazy if his tie isn’t right.

💕Cut off all friends and family as his relative wealth grew. He’s not a millionaire that you know of, but then again he’ll never tell you how much money he has. He’s comfortable, or as he’d tell you, ‘none of your business’.

💕Very cheap, complains over the cost of coffee but has a very nice penthouse apartment.

💕If you ever encounter an emergency and can’t cover the cost, the money will show up but Kakuzu doesn’t want to hear about it. He expects you to pay him back in one way or another. Will take the smallest favors as payment depending on how close you are, how stressed you are, and how generous he’s feeling

💕Cutthroat financial advisor. He loves slashing budgets and reworking large financial projects. Likes firing people even more. His skills ensure him work almost anywhere

💕Drives himself to the point of exhaustion, sometimes just needs someone to sit with him quietly and drink with him

💕Only the best bottles

𓆃Kisame (32)

💕Was really sporty back in his day. He dabbled in swimming, hockey and football before eventually being recruited for swimming

💕Likely would have gone to college even without the recruitment. Studied marine biology and would spend most of his days doing marine labs.

💕Went to bootcamp but didn’t pursue in a military career.

💕He got very aquatinted with the local animal and plant species and joined a few advocacy programs during his time in college

💕After school, he stuck with environmentalism and worked as a personal trainer part time after getting a certification online (he think’s that the course was a waste of money, he took it twice)

💕Currently considering teaching after seeing an open position as a gym teacher. He’s actually very good with children

💕Looking to keep saving up to settle down somewhere nice after bouncing from apartment to apartment. Never really put any effort into meeting anyone, but would like to

𓆃Konan (35)

💕Kinda struck out and lives in the city. She really likes the atmosphere and art scene. Gets takeout often since a lot of the good food places are just a short walk from her apartment

💕Single, still has a hard time after her boyfriend Yahiko’s death. Studio apartment full of canvases and pain. Looks great even in painting clothes

💕Used to work as a waitress and folded the napkins into origami shapes when she was bored. Hated customer service but got recognized for her artistic talent by a local gallery

💕Her first sale got her ecstatic, but she tells you often that she still has things to learn (you don’t quite understand what that means)

💕Recently started submitting more pieces and is slowly profiting off of her good work. You insist on taking her to dinner each time she sells another work, but it takes some convincing

💕Overall quiet and humble, likes nights in picnic style on the floor

𓆃Obito (31)

💕Had a hard time the first portion of his life. Obito was placed into the foster system after the death of his close family in a tragic accident. Spent time in the hospital for lasting injuries

💕Struggled with making connections and expressing his feelings. Spent much of his time in the public library (having no money to go anywhere else), particularly in the maker space working on projects

💕Joined an engineering program for troubled youth under Madara where Obito spent his summers and after school time working on projects.

💕Obito now works designing and manufacturing medical parts and machinery. He donates a portion of his salary to the public library maker space.

💕He likes working in the city and often bikes through greens on his way to work.

💕Has a bad habit of dating younger women in their 20s

𓆃Pein/Nagato (35)

💕Sustained serious injuries during a mugging gone wrong. Has many, frequent hospital visits for his chronic conditions and often has to stay in the hospital for periods of time

💕Still never got fully over the trauma of that night in which his childhood friend, Yahiko, died from his injuries on his way to the hospital.

💕His nurses know him well, but he’s never been the talkative type. They still greet him warmly regardless. He actually enjoys it

💕Has dinners with Konan at least monthly, sometimes the two of them visit Yahiko’s memorial and share a bottle of wine. They’re not super close, but they’ll likely stick together for the rest of their lives in a similar routine

💕Joined a some religious support groups which actually helped him. Actually found a great community of old ladies who keep trying to fix him up with their granddaughters

𓆃Sasori (35)

💕Studied a double major: mechanical engineering and art. Sasori has always been good with numbers and wanted something stable to fall back on/support him as he did art on the side

💕Was featured in many articles, contests, and exhibits for his complex figures which included robotics, puppets and animatronics

💕Currently works with large movie production studios doing intricate props. He quickly became a specialist in realistic, human animatronics and is often invited onto sets for producers to collect his input

💕Has a habit of casually flexing. Doesn’t really care about how much money he has or the fact that he happens to find himself in the presence of A-list celebrities

💕Will casually remark that he was invited the birthday party of some amazing actor but turned it down because you said you desperately needed him to help you fix your garbage disposal

💕Genuinely doesn’t care, prefers helping you fix your garbage disposal

💕Doesn’t know that most of his accessories are designer and will give them to you upon realizing the brand.

𓆃Zetsu (Unknown Age, so I’m gonna have fun and place him in high school)

💕Twins who no one can tell apart, but they don’t really get it. Neither of them think that they look that different.

💕In the horticulture program and they both spend much of their time in the greenhouse tending to the plants, even when no one is there. They like cultivating succulents because they’re easy and have since despised the mass obsession with them

💕Kuro Zetsu more spends his time in the Technology/Engineering Club. He likes to work on cars in his free time and occasionally races tractors.

💕Shiro Zetsu is on the honor roll and on student council enjoys riding horses. He can ride without a saddle.

Thank you to all who liked, reblogged, followed and otherwise supported. Your support means so much and is greatly appreciated.

@brokennerdalert

412 notes · View notes

marjansmarwani · 3 years

Text

for a time you had me scared

3.7k || ao3

An accident on a call leaves TK facing a potentially career-ending injury. He's scared, more scared than he wants to admit and so afraid to hope, but he does have his friends on his side and that counts for a lot. ----- Day 3 of @911lonestarweek: “We’ve got your back, no matter what.” + Hurt/Comfort

A prequel of sorts to @silvarafael’s fic “I’m Not the Same Man I Was in the Spring” because she told me to write it.

----------------

It’s just a normal day, at first.

But that was how things always started, wasn’t it? Whenever something tragic happened there was almost always one thing everyone agreed on: no one saw it coming. That was just the nature of tragedy: things were normal, and then suddenly they weren’t.

This was no exception. When they pulled up on the scene, when they geared up for the rescue and Captains Strand and Vega doled out instructions, they had no way of knowing how badly it was going to end. It was something they’d have to be reminded of later — that they couldn’t have known, that they weren’t to blame. Would it make any difference? Probably not, but the fact remained.

They arrived at the scene to get the rundown from the APD responding unit: someone had collapsed on the roof. No one knew who it was or why they were on the roof. All they knew is that a passerby had spotted a limp arm dangling over the edge and had called 911.

“Okay team,” Owen began after he discussed with the officer, “I want two people up to help with the rescue. Marwani, Strickland that’s you. Captain Vega, if we can get a medic up there it would be helpful, tell us what we’re dealing with.”

Tommy nodded and threw a glance at TK and Nancy, “You two decide who is going up and grab your gear.”

The two paramedics studied each other for a moment before Nancy shook her head, “That is all you dude,” she said. “I don’t mind heights, but I’d rather not if I don’t have to.”

“Your loss,” TK quipped as he gathered the proper equipment, excitement visible.

“You do realize it’s not normal to be this excited about climbing to the top of a 4 story building, right?” Nancy asked her partner, who ignored her. “It’s a little concerning if I’m being honest, Strand.”

“You’re just jealous,” TK tossed back with a grin as he shouldered his pack.

“No, I’m really not.”

“Children,” Tommy interjected mildly, causing both paramedics to quiet as she rolled her eyes.

Owen shook his head as he looked to the rest of his crew. “Ryder, get the ladder going and Chavez be ready to grab whatever other equipment they might need. You’ll be the runner.”

There was a chorus of “copy” as they all set into motion, a flurry of organized chaos on the ground. Paul and Marjan grabbed the rescue basket and met TK at the base of the ladder.

“I told you not much would change when I switched to medical,” he told them with a grin. “We still get to do some rescues together after all.”

“That’s just because you are too much of an adrenaline junkie to keep your feet on the ground,” Marjan pointed out lightly, receiving a snort in return.

“Takes one to know one.”

Paul rolled his eyes as he grabbed the ladder and pulled himself up, “Yes, you’re both very daring. Now hand me that basket so we can get up there and get this guy off the roof.”

Marjan bumped a shoulder into TK before grabbing the basket in question. He grabbed the other end and together they hoisted it up onto the ladder so Paul could drag it behind him. Marjan assisted from behind with TK bringing up the rear with the medical gear. They reached the top without incident and stepped out onto the roof one by one. TK went immediately to the fallen figure as Paul surveyed the area once he and Marjan had set down the basket.

“Looks like he was up here repairing something,” Paul noted, gesturing to the tool box by the access door. “Must have gotten locked out or something.”

“And tripped over something, knocking himself out,” TK added, lifting up a gloved hand with blood on it to show them. “All other vitals are normal, he just knocked himself out. Sir,” he said to the downed figure, “can you hear me?”

He prodded the man lightly on the shoulder and waited for a response. When he got none he tried again, speaking a little louder as Marjan and Paul got the basket ready for him. After another try TK shook his head, “He is well and truly out,” he announced, “but his pulse and respirations are normal. Guess we just need to get him down.”

“Way ahead of you dude,” Marjan announced, gesturing towards the fully prepped basket.

TK nodded and spoke into his radio, “Patient is stable, getting ready to transport him back down, Cap.”

“Copy that Strand,” came the distorted voice of Tommy through the radio, “we’ll be ready for you here on the ground.”

TK, who had just finished running the IV line, nodded to Paul and Marjan. “Can you help me move him?”

They nodded and took up positions at the man’s hip and legs. Once they were ready TK spoke. “Okay,” he instructed, “on 3. 1, 2…”

The last number was lost as they lifted him up and placed him carefully in the basket, securing the straps tightly around his still form.

“I’ll go first,” TK told them. “Once I’m on the ladder you can pass the basket down to me.”

“Well get going then,” Marjan said lightly, “what are you waiting for?”

TK rolled his eyes and stepped carefully over the edge, swinging his leg back onto the ladder.

It was a simple maneuver; he had done it more times than he could possibly count over the 7 years of his career. He went through the motions without blinking, not even giving a thought to movements. It was pure muscle memory, and it had never let him down.

But today was different in a way no one could predict. At the exact same moment the mechanics of the ladder malfunctioned and the lock holding the ladder in place let go, causing the ladder to jerk violently. The sudden motion countered TK’s tenuous balance on the top of the ladder, causing him to slip. If asked later, all three members of the 126 on the roof would say that the single instant seemed to stretch on for several as they all watched in horror.

TK’s eyes grew wide, which would have been comical, in any other instance. He flailed, trying to readjust his grip on the ladder, to pull himself back to safety. His friends did the same, reaching down and grabbing for him, desperately groping for his arms in hope of stopping his plummet. But they were too slow and there was no stopping him as he flipped over the edge of the ladder and fell to the ground.

There were shouts all around as the rest of the team and the spectators watched in horror. TK hit the ground with a dull thud, and there was another moment of collective horror before movement erupted.

“Judd, figure out what went wrong with the ladder and get Paul and Marjan down here with the victim now,” Owen shouted into his radio even as he ran. “Captain Vega!”

But Tommy was already in step with him, Nancy not far behind. They reached TK’s still form at the same time and while Tommy and Nancy were on their knees beside him in an instant, Owen stopped; frozen with fear as he stared down at the splayed body of his son, hardly daring to breathe.

There was a tense silence filling the air around them but Owen couldn’t stand it. His son had just...he could be....TK might…

His head was a jumble of thoughts, each abandoned before they reached the end and the awful possibility. “Tommy,” he asked weakly, aware that his voice was shaking, “is he…”

“He’s alive,” Tommy confirmed and Owen felt himself sag in relief. But Tommy’s expression was still tense and Owen felt the fear creeping back into his mind. Before he could give voice to any of the fears running through his mind, Tommy leaned forward, tapping TK on the shoulder firmly.

“TK, can you hear me?”

There was no response and Owen could feel his dread build.

“TK,” Tommy said again, “come on, I need you to wake up so I know what we’re dealing with.”

She tapped him again and after several more long, heart-stopping minutes TK’s eyes opened slowly. “Cap?” he croaked, and Tommy gave him a tight grin.

“Yeah, kid. Can you tell me how you’re feeling?”

“Sore,” he answered and Owen had to repress a snort.

“That’s not surprising,” Tommy answered evenly. “Nancy and I are going to do our checks, we just need to know what you’re feeling, alright? You know the drill.”

Owen heard footsteps beside him and glanced over to see Judd appear at his side. His face was pale as he looked down at TK before he swallowed and addressed Owen. “Cap, I don’t know what happened. I’m so sorry, I can’t…” he trailed off, voice thick and eyes never leaving TK’s form, barely visible between Tommy and Nancy.

“Not your fault, Judd,” Owen assured him softly because no matter what the cause turned out to be he knew for a fact that Judd would never have done anything to put any of the crew at risk. Whatever had happened, it was nobody’s fault.

He stepped closer now, entering TK’s field of vision and giving him a reassuring smile, “Hey kiddo.”

“Hey dad,” he replied weakly. “You don’t have to look so worried, I’m not in much pain.”

“You fell 40 feet TK,” he countered, “I’m going to be worried no matter what you say.”

TK’s rebuttal was interrupted by Nancy calling his attention to her. “TK, can you feel this?”

TK frowned and turned his head towards her voice, “Feel what?”

Nancy exchanged a grim look with Tommy as she removed her hand still from TK’s thigh. There was dead silence as the realization dawned on the group. Owen distantly saw Judd turn away, hand over his mouth but he only had eyes for his son, whose eyes were widening in realization.

“No,” he said softly at first, eyes flicking up to find Owen. “No, this can’t be happening.”

His voice was growing more frantic and his breathing faster. Owen reached out a hand and placed it on his chest.

“Breathe, TK,” he told him firmly. “Just breathe. We don’t know anything yet. We need to get you to the hospital and have a doctor take a look.”

“I can’t feel it, dad,” TK whimpered. “And I can’t move my legs. I don’t even need to be a paramedic to know what that means.”

“Your dad’s right,” Tommy interrupted bracingly. “All we know is that you can’t feel it at the moment. There are any number of reasons for that, as you know. Once we get some scans we’ll have a better idea of what’s going on, okay? There’s no sense panicking right now.”

To Owen’s relief and surprise, TK nodded and took a deep breath. He even tried to give Nancy a small smile as she fit the c-collar around his neck with trembling hands. She returned it as Tommy called out for someone to bring the backboard. Paul did, Judd on his heels.

The older firefighter paused beside Owen as Paul set down the backboard and spoke softly to TK. “I had dispatch stand us down,” he informed Owen. “I don’t think anyone’s in the right headspace to do our jobs safely just yet. Not until we know more.”

Owen nodded, “Thank you, Judd.”

It should have been his call, he should have handled it. But he was glad Judd did because not for one single moment had any thought past the fact that TK couldn’t move his legs enter his mind. Judd simply nodded and looked back at TK, expression grim. Owen could hear the storm inside his head but he had just watched his son fall 40 feet and there was room in his own head for little else just yet. He had no comforting words to offer because, unlike so many other times, he wasn’t sure it would be alright.

“Captain Strand.”

Tommy’s voice pulled him back to reality. He looked at her to find her watching him carefully, “We have two patients to transport so we won’t have any room for you to ride with, unless you want to ride up front.”

Owen shook his head, “I don’t want to get in the way. We’ll be right behind you.”

She nodded and gestured for Paul to help her lift the backboard and bring it to the ambulance where Nancy was already getting the other patient - who was awake and aware now - settled. It was only another moment before Nancy walked around to the front and the ambulance pulled away, leaving a stunned fire crew in its wake.

Owen swallowed and glanced around at his remaining crew, all in various stages of shock as they looked in the direction the ambulance had disappeared.

“He’s going to be okay,” Mateo said tentatively, voice clear and loud against the tense silence. “Right?”

He glanced at Marjan, who was standing beside him but all she could do was shake her head and wipe angrily at the tears that had escaped her eyes. Paul clapped a hand on her shoulder, squeezing it and Owen’s eyes sought Judd once more. He was leaning against the side of the ladder truck, eyes closed as his lips moved in silent prayer.

Owen closed his own eyes and took a deep breath. He couldn’t get the image of TK falling out of his head, or the look of horror on his son’s face when he realized just what might be wrong. He knew his team needed reassurance and normally, he’d be more than happy to provide it. A few glib words in the face of adversity was kind of his thing, after all.

But this was a fear he didn’t know how to soften, so he stayed quiet.

“Let’s get everything wrapped up,” he said instead, eventually. “We have somewhere we need to be.”

---------

The ride in the ambulance passed in a blur. He could hear Tommy talking to him and he knew he should answer; he owed his captain that, at least, but he was stuck. He was too busy spiraling at the thought of what was to come, of what it might all mean. Of what he stood to lose.

He was a paramedic, he knew exactly how bad of a situation this was. And at the moment his was so bad he didn’t even need to be a paramedic to know. He couldn’t move his legs, he had no sensation from the waist down: just about anyone could tell you what that meant. There was a word in his head that he was trying to avoid but he couldn’t avoid the implications of it: you needed working legs to work for the fire department.

He knew it was foolish, that he should be grateful to be alive (he had fallen 4 stories, after all) but he couldn’t shake the sinking feeling that if the worst was true he wasn’t sure what meaning his life would have any more.

Eventually, the ambulance came to a stop and he was wheeled away for exams and tests. He did his best to return Nancy and Tommy’s well-wishes, but he knew it was a lackluster attempt at best. From there it was non-stop motion: an endless stream of noise and voices saying terms that he knew should mean something but it all filtered into his head as white noise that got lost in the fog of his panic. He was poked and prodded, asked questions he endeavored to answer, and put through a bevy of scans. It seemed like an eternity before he was finally wheeled into a room and joined by his father.

It’s a relief to not be alone, but he can tell that his dad is feeling the same panic he is and doing a very bad job at hiding it. His smile is glass that is liable to shatter at the slightest sound as he runs a hand through TK’s hair, “How are you feeling son?”

“Still not in any pain,” he assured his dad, but they both know that’s not even half the story.

His dad nods though and reaches down to squeeze his arm. “No matter what happens TK,” he starts, “I’m going to be here for you, okay?”

His dad is peering at him intensely and there is so much TK wants to say to that, so many doubts rooted in his own fear that he has. So many things he doesn’t want to say because he knows each and every one of them would shatter his father’s delicate composure and he can’t handle that right now.

He is almost relieved to see a doctor enter the room and prevent any retort he could have possibly given until he remembers that the news the doctor has could upend his entire life. He feels his dad’s hand tighten on his arm and he looks at the doctor expectantly.

The doctor steps further into the room and starts speaking without having to be asked and explains: there had been no obvious signs of anything broken or damaged, but all the muscles and tendons surrounding his spine were inflamed, likely from the serious bruising that came with falling nearly 40 feet. It was likely that the swelling was what was restricting his movements and that once it went down his mobility would return, probably.

The doctor seemed hopeful but TK wasn’t quite ready to buy it. He didn’t want to get his hopes up only to have them dashed when the worst turned out to be true.

But he saw the look of hope on his dad’s face and couldn’t bring himself to dim it. So he plastered on a smile and nodded, thanking the doctor.

The doctor left him alone with his father who gave him a genuine smile and squeezed his arm tightly, “That’s good news!” he exclaimed and TK forced a smile.

“Yeah, yeah it is.”

And it was, objectively. Nothing broken means there is still a chance. But the not knowing was what got him and he hated the uncertainty. He doesn’t want to hang his hopes on a chance; experience has shown him those chances are often not strong enough to hold the weight.

“The rest of the team is here,” his dad asked, looking down at him intently. “Do you want to see them or do you want me to tell them you need some rest?”

“No, they can come in,” TK replied and his dad smiled before squeezing his arm again. “This is good,” he reminded him, and TK managed one more smile before his dad steps out of the room.

He allows himself a moment to breathe before his friends arrive. They don’t need to be worrying about him too, they all have enough to worry about in their own lives. He just needs to keep up a brave face. So he plasters on a smile as they file in, offering a half-hearted wave as they approach, “Hey guys.”

Marjan is the first to approach, coming to a stop at the side of his bed and studying him. She looks him up and down before looking at him with furrowed eyebrows, “Don’t you ever do that again. I think you took three years off of my life, Strand. How are you feeling?”

“Fine.”

He was met with four unimpressed stares so he sighed and rephrased, “Not great, but I’m not in any pain and the doctors say that it’s likely only temporary. So fine, really.”

Paul did not look like he believed him for a moment. “You know, no matter what happens, we’ve got your back man, no matter what.”

“I know that,” TK assured him because he did. If there was one thing in all of this he was certain of, it was that his friends had his back, no matter what. There were so many questions flying through his head, but that was not one of them.

“I’m so sorry kid,” Judd said softly and TK looked up to him with a start. “This is my fault. I was operating the aerial, whatever happened, that’s on me.”

“No, it’s not Judd.”

The older man looked like he wanted to argue so TK repeated himself, “It’s not your fault. If something happened with the ladder, that’s not on you. You would have never done something to hurt me or any of us. Whatever happened is not on you and I don’t blame you.”

Judd met his eyes and TK smiled at him, the first genuine smile he had given since it happened. He may be scared out of his mind and he may be much more worried than he was letting on, but this was not Judd or anyone else’s fault, and he needed them to know that. “Okay?” he asked, and relaxed when Judd nodded.

“How long until you know for sure?” Mateo chimed in, voice small and voicing the question TK himself had been pushing to the back of his mind: how much longer until they ran out of waiting and he had to face the inevitable.

“I don’t know Probie,” he answered honestly, trying not to wince at the visible shift in the mood of the room. “Hopefully soon.”

The question brought him back to the fear he had been grappling with and he tried his best to not let it show on his face. Thankfully Paul, ever observant, seemed to pick up on it.

“C’mon guys,” he told them, “I already called Carlos and he’s on his way. We should get out of here and let them have their moment.”

There were murmurs of agreements and jokes and TK could almost muster a real smile again. “Do you think you can manage to drag my dad home?” he asked. “He doesn’t need to be stuck here waiting. He can do that just as well from home, from a real bed.”

“I think we can manage it,” Marjan assured him, pulling him into a soft hug, “that’s what family’s for, after all.”

His smile grew at that and as they filtered out after more hugs and well wishes, he allowed himself a moment to feel optimistic. He’s determined to keep up the brave face for now and for as long as he can so they don’t need to worry about him, and while he has his doubts and secret fears, no matter what happened he would have his friends with him, after all.

#911 lone star #911 lone star fic #911lonestarweek #tk strand #my writing #I'm too tired to tag people #maybe in my evening reblog?

53 notes · View notes

snowe-zolynn-rogers · 3 years

Text

Pairings: None

Word Count: 1,945 Words

Summary: Five worried members of class 1-B and a day off for the hero courses.

Warnings: Cursing, Injury Mention, Caps, Death Mention, Broken Bone Mention, Panic Attack Mention, Abuse Mention, Disownment Mention, Blood Mention, let me know if I should tag anything else.

Usernames: Existence Is A Prison Aizawa: feral cat dad, Aoyama: gay salt, Hagakure: ranch flavored jello, Tokoyami: foil-mecha, Shinsou: farmer toshi, Kuroiro: life is a nightmare, Shiozaki: saviour, Tsunotori: schrodinger better run, Honenuki: pure, Monoma: nat20

Aizawa, We Agreed No More Cats: Chapter 4

2:55 PM

Existence Is A Prison

nat20: @feral cat dad @gay salt @farmer toshi @foil-mecha @ranch flavored jello

nat20: Are you guys okay? There was an announcement for all available staff to come to the USJ asap. Isn't that where you are?

nat20: Guys?

nat20: I get that y'all are training but can one of you answer? I'm getting worried.

nat20: Akemi, sis, you better fucking answer me.

3:00 PM

Existence Is A Prison

nat20: Akemi, this is breaking law three of being half-siblings. Getcha ass in the chat and fucking respond to me or I'm taking a protective quirk and coming down there myself.

saviour: You will do no such thing. Clearly it's dangerous since the announcement was directed toward all available teachers. That doesn't sound normal to me, even if someone had been just injured. Seiko, it's best to try to make things decently safe for their return instead of hound a response.

life is a nightmare: Six different news sources say that three unidentified people were admitted to a hospital nearby UA, said to have been transported from the USJ, which was attacked this morning by an unidentified villain, the attack being resolved by UA's pro hero staff members only ten minutes ago. Two more people were injured and are supposedly in Recovery Girl's office.

nat20: AKEMI @gay salt

gay salt is now online

ranch flavored jello is now online

foil-mecha is now online

gay salt: I'm back, Seiko. I'm fine. Almost everyone is fine.

nat20: Five people are hurt!

ranch flavored jello: Yeah, all three pros were hurt.

nat20: Which students got hurt!?

foil-mecha: I think you already know what you're suspecting, Seiko.

nat20: No. No, he's not dead. If Shinsou's dead, I'll personally bring him back to life to scream at him. My little brother isn't dying dammit.

gay salt: Not dead, mon dieu. Shinsou is severely injured but he isn't dead.

nat20: Who else is hurt? That green kid again?

ranch flavored jello: Yeah, Midoriya's hurt again. To be fair, he wasn't thinking about how he was using his quirk, just that he was using it period.

foil-mecha: Hold on, they're calling on Aizawa and Shinsou's condition, I'll do a video chat with you guys.

foil-mecha has started a video chat

The bones in his arms are splintered and he's got facial fracturing. Fortunately there doesn't seem to be any serious brain damage. But his orbital floor has been almost completely destroyed. We have no way of knowing if his eyesight will be impaired or not once he's healed. -Unknown

Well, you heard the man. -Unknown

Sir, what about Thirteen? -Unknown

No need to worry there, despite some pretty bad lacerations to the back, Thirteen is gonna pull through good as new. And AllMight is also without any serious injuries. He's in the nurse's office right now. Recovery Girl's power should be all that he needs.-Unknown

What about Deku!? -Unknown

How's Midoriya? -Unknown

Midoriya? Oh, Recovery Girl was taking care of him too. He's fine.-Unknown

How is Shinsou!? -nat20

Who was that? -Unknown

My half-sibling, we both live in the dorms with Shinsou and Aizawa. They're worried about them. So is the rest of the class 1-B students that live in the dorms with us. -gay salt

Shinsou has a mild concussion, a severe bruised nasal bone, and his jawbone was fractured so he needs to have his jaw wired shut for a bit until he's back to being strong enough for Recovery Girl to heal him. He should be better in about a week or two.-Unknown

What the fuck happened to him that he got that badly hurt? -life is a nightmare

During the villain attack, Shinsou decided to fight alongside Mr. Aizawa. against the villains and this big monster thing was hurting Mr. Aizawa and this creepy guy was about to hurt Asui, Mineta, and Midoriya. -ranch flavored jello

Call me Tsu. -Unknown

Tsu, Mineta, and Midoriya. But Shinsou got the creepy guy to respond to him with the mist guy's voice and he brainwashed him. Then the monster hit his face into the ground really hard. But he covered Mr. Aizawa with his own body and got his face hit down again. -ranch flavored jello

Shinsou was really out of it, ribbit. He was calling Mr. Aizawa his dad.-Unknown

Tsu, Mr. Aizawa legally adopted Shinsou as of 8 o'clock this morning. -ranch flavored jello

I'm gonna hang up, we're all gonna head back. I'll visit you Seiko. -gay salt

You better. -nat20

gay salt has ended the video chat

2:40 AM

Existence Is A Prison

farmer toshi is now online

farmer toshi: WHY CANT I TALK WHATS HAPPENING WHERE AM I

life is a nightmare: Shit, I'll shadow over, hold on, Shinsou.

2:50 AM

Existence Is A Prison

life is a nightmare: shinsousleepingagainsther.jpg

life is a nightmare: Guess I'm claiming he's my boyfriend when they ask why I'm here because I can't even shadow out right now without waking him up.

gay salt: rip to you, Kageya, but me and Seiko need our beauty sleep.

nat20: so go to sleep, Kageya, you need to sleep.

2:16 PM

Existence Is A Prison

saviour: I'm pre-making some easy meals since they both have facial damage and need softer foods.

farmer toshi: What are you making?

saviour: Well, I have Seiko working on frozen smoothie bags. Kiyomi is helping precook some vegetables and stuff that can be blended down to baby food consistency. Pony's really good at making homemade juice so she's making you juice with lots of protein and stuff so you don't loose too much weight and set your progress back.

ranch flavored jello: Me, Akemi, and Fumikage are making soft food for you both once Toshi gets his wires off. We've been making a lot of soup. We may have gone overboard.

ranch flavored jello: So far we have chicken soup, broccoli and cheese, potato soup, split pea soup, egg drop soup, cheese soup, soft curry, corn chowder, turkey rice soup, ham chowder, cheeseburger soup, creamy meatball soup, chicken cordon bleu soup, chicken pot pie soup, and and miso soup.

farmer toshi: You guys are so sweet. Thank you so much. I wish I could hug you guys right now but they want me in the hospital today for observation.

gay salt: I expect a hug when you come home.

feral cat dad is now online

nat20: DAD'S BACK!

feral cat dad: Hello, dorm children. This is Mr. Yamada, Mr. Aizawa told me to tell you all thank you for making him and Hitoshi food for when they come back on Friday.

pure: It was nothing! We want to help them get better as fast as possible and, to do that, we need to keep them healthy!

feral cat dad: I'll add myself so Shouta can have his phone back.

feral cat dad has added Yamada

farmer toshi has changed Yamada's name to President Megaphone

nat20: Wow, you don't waste a second, do you?

farmer toshi: I didn't when I was attacking villains in the USJ.

schrodinger better run: What happened in there, by the way? My phone went missing yesterday and the day before and I finally found it last night.

farmer toshi: Well, you see, some wannabe criminals calling themselves the League of Villains teleported themselves into the USJ just before we were about to start training and our communal father figure was about to go fight them and all my instinct just told me to follow him so I did.

President Megaphone: Kid, you really don't have to tell them just because you live with them.

farmer toshi: These are basically my adopted siblings, Mr. Yamada. Of course I want to tell them.

farmer toshi: Anyway, so I was fighting thugs and Dad had already gotten to this "Shigaraki" dude who was like their leader or whatever and the fucker decayed his right elbow and I was trying hard to get to him but the fucking cronies wouldn't let me by them.

farmer toshi: Then this huge fucking monster grabbed Dad and hit him into the ground and broke his arms. That thing couldn't be human, it's brain was out and it was like 9 feet tall.

farmer toshi: That Shigaraki fucker spoke to me. I can't even remember what about, but he was mocking me, I can tell. But the teleporter told him they needed to leave because Iida had made it out by that point.

farmer toshi: So this fucker tries to decay either Midoriya, Asui, or Mineta to "break AllMight". But I used the teleporter's voice to brainwash him and that monster hit my head into the ground like he did with Dad for brainwashing its friend.

farmer toshi: I knew Dad was out because the thing had hit his head into the ground again and knocked him out and that thing would try to hurt him again if I didn't do something. So I put myself on top of him because I couldn't lose a Dad I just finally got. But the monster hit my head down again.

farmer toshi: I had finally managed to get up to get me and Dad out of there when AllMight showed up. AllMight put us on a stair landing and I had to get up the rest of the way. Another villain tried to get us while I was getting him up there to get out but I just stabbed her and pushed her down the stairs.

farmer toshi: Mind you, I was running on adrenaline this whole time. So, when the UA teachers came in, I was pretty numb emotionally because I was basically out of steam but I wanted to get Dad out of there so I kept going until Sero and Uraraka helped me up the rest of the stairs while the teachers got there.

farmer toshi: I'm pretty sure Snipe is who caught me but then I just passed out and woke up in the hospital not being able to speak and had a panic attack.

feral cat dad: I've figured out speech to text and I appreciate what you did for me, Hitoshi, but I was worried about you when that thing had me. I don't want you dying to protect me.

farmer toshi: Trust me, I don't plan to nearly die again. The headache was killer and I'd rather never experience that again.

feral cat dad: Good. Now, make sure you rest, kids.

2:15 AM

private chat with Bakugou and Yamada

Bakugou: Look, I know it's late, but my mother kicked me out and she's disowned me because she now wants me to drop from UA and I won't do it. I need somewhere to stay and I know Aoyama and them were talking about dorms yesterday after the USJ incident.

Yamada: It doesn't matter if it's ideal. Head to the school, I'll come get you inside and we'll go for your stuff from your parents' house tomorrow after school and I'm putting a rush order for emergency UA protection for your custody right now.

Bakugou: I think I need Recovery Girl, she got my arms pretty bad. I'm losing blood like crazy and I can barely grab things to keep going but my leg is sprained so I need help moving.

Yamada: We can worry about healing injuries once you're here. Until then, just be safe and get here as fast as you can. If you can't make it here, then I'll come get you.

Yamada: Just keep responding, little listener. How bad are your injuries?

Bakugou: bloodyleftarm.jpg

Bakugou: bloodyrightarm.jpg

Bakugou: sprainedknee.jpg

Bakugou has sent their location

Yamada: Fuck.

Taglist: @everythingisstardust

10 notes · View notes

yasbxxgie · 4 years

Photo

The Artist’s Way: Writer-director Radha Blank ruminates on creative frustration and rejuvenation in her debut feature, The Forty-Year-Old Version

Fair warning: This interview with Radha Blank isn’t business — it’s personal. Right now, like at this very moment, Radha is being introduced to the world as the writer, director, and star of the remarkable new Netflix film The Forty-Year-Old Version. But I remember Radha in the 1990s, smashing open mics at Brooklyn Moon in N.Y.C., rocking a fitted N.Y. Yankees cap and big hoop earrings. I remember her jumping into cyphers and catching wreck (read: she can dance her ass off) at Club Kilimanjaro. I remember sitting in the audience of her play Seed in 2011 and thinking, Damn, homegirl can write. I remember witnessing the rise of her emcee alter ego and one-woman show RadhaMUSprime at Joe’s Pub in 2014 and thinking, Damn, Radha can rhyme. AND she funny AF. Because Radha was (and is) a part of a close-knit artists’ community, I also recall her hustle, the keeping-the-lights-on-while-trying-to-make-your-dreams-come-true shuffle we know so well. Radha worked as a teacher, she wrote for children’s television and for shows such as Empire and She’s Gotta Have It.

So when The Forty-Year-Old Version won the U.S. Dramatic Directing Award at Sundance earlier this year, the community rejoiced! This wasn’t just a win for Radha, it was a win for the people. Here was a film rooted in Radha’s own story, about a woman at 40; a Black artist trying to get her stories told — as a playwright and as a rapper; a daughter grieving the death of her mother. Radha told her story her way, down to shooting the streets of New York on 35mm film in black and white. The result is a whole, liberating mood. There’s even a nod to Prince’s Purple Rain.

Karen Good Marable: First of all, Radha, congratulations! The Forty-Year-Old Version is amazing. Your success feels so much like a win for Brooklyn. A win for us all. Thank you for writing it. Radha Blank: I really did make it for us — us being Black women, Black women of a certain age, Black women artists of a certain age. I didn’t think I’d be starting a whole new career in my 40s, but I think it speaks to what’s possible if you let go of other people’s ideas of where you should be in your life. If I listened to other people and gave credence to their ideas, I would not be here.

Amen. When you were younger, did you have the boxes to check, i.e., “I need to get this done by 30, I need to get this done by 40”? Were you that girl? RB:

I think I was that girl. And I always say this about aging: It’s never really about the person; it’s about other people’s perceptions that you then take on. I thought by 40, I would be married with a couple of kids, all of my work being published, theaters asking, “Can we do a revival of this play now?” I really thought once I decided to be a playwright, which was probably my mid-20s, I thought, Oh, by 40, I’m going to be set up. I will have a house. And I do have a house, but that came from Cookie and Lucious Lyon. They got me a house.

Come through, Empire. RB:

I feel like we’ve all been conditioned to think that 40 is: You’re an adult, you’re accomplished, you’re established. What me and my character share is there’s still all of these “who am I” moments, questions around identity. Especially when my mother died, I really had to figure out who I was, because so much of my life as a woman, as a person, as a Black American, as an artist, was tied to this woman. When she died, I really had no sense of myself. So I feel like my personal experience propelled me toward telling the story. We just don’t see women of that age saying, What do I do next? Am I happy? Is this enough?

Your mother — curator, visual artist, cinephile, and arts teacher Carol Blank — figures prominently in the film. She is a goddess and a guide, but she also represents a complicated lesson in what it means to be an artist. RB: Oh, listen, I feel like everything I’ve learned, I’ve learned from my mother — from my frustration as an artist to being a teaching artist for so long. That’s where I learned how to be a director, honestly. I didn’t go to film school. I did stand-up comedy and all this performance stuff, and my first example was my mother. She knew how to turn a phrase or a joke to get the kids interested, and if they weren’t, she wasn’t going to push it. I learned from her first, and I tried to match her energy.

I don’t know what my mother went through when she turned 40, as an artist. I know she was a mom of two by that time, but I gathered — especially because she was a teaching artist for so many years — that she was hustling, jumping between these different roles, trying to make sense of something for herself. In that way, I feel like the movie and my journey as an artist brought me closer to her. I was like, Oh, this is what you had to go through. And then you had two kids on top of that?

In the film, your character is also a teacher. As much as she tries to model support and positivity, sometimes the frustration seeps through. One line stayed with me: “Don’t think that because you created something, people will appreciate it.” RB:

Yeah, I have been bitter. I was able to transform that into a film; it gave me a story to tell. But I did feel that theater as an institution didn’t pay off, there wasn’t much of a dividend. I had done a play in 2011 called Seed, and everyone was like, “Girl, this is your breakout! This is your moment! This play is going on Broadway!” None of that shit happened. Theater was not responding in the same way. I was quietly devastated by it, and I think the movie is my exploration of the why. How come things didn’t happen for me? Here’s someone who has been trying for 20-something years and my biggest accomplishment was 10 years ago when I was 30. That’s why I invented the 30 Under 30 award for my character: The idea that accomplishments are amplified by one’s proximity to youth. There’s no 50 Under 50 award. Or 60 Under 60. Being young and doing something as an artist seems more of a cause for celebration. You know what I mean?

There’s also this theme of displacement that runs through the film. In addition to your protagonist feeling out of place in the classroom and in the theater community, she’s also setting a play, Harlem Ave, that deals with gentrification. RB:

So, my parents were gentrifiers in their own way in the late 60s and 70s, when they moved to the south side of Williamsburg, Brooklyn. They didn’t displace people, because what they and their artist and jazz musician comrades would do is take over dilapidated spaces that were considered unlivable — broken-down lofts and factories and storefronts — and create community. There was an investment in engaging the community that came before you, whereas now I think gentrification really is just about an opportunity for the person moving in — “Oh, look at this dope, cheap brownstone that I can get” — with no regard for what came before.

Right. RB: The same thing happens with these artistic institutions: They find a dilapidated space, they revive it and put a million dollars into it. Then when it comes to programming, the people on the stage don’t look like the people outside of the gate. They’re thinking of their silver-haired patrons, because those people can afford a $100 ticket, and that is who I feel most of the theaters cater to. So when diversity shows up on the stage, it’s a version of diversity that protects the audience from feeling bad about racism or sexism. They can still remain in a comfortable place, so they can come back next week or next month and see something for the $300 membership.

But then you brilliantly juxtapose said institutions with the battle rap in the Bronx. RB: I wanted to show these different hubs of art in New York. This film is about capturing an authentic New York experience, and so we shot that battle rap scene at a warehouse space at the tip-top of the Bronx. Art and culture are happening in these spaces that we’re not always focusing the camera on and that don’t have the multimillion-dollar renovation fund of a downtown theater. But this is theater. This is art.

Is that battle based on an actual show? RB:

Yes. Well, we recreated that. Babs Bunny, who people may recognize from Making the Band, created this brand called Queen of the Ring. If you go on YouTube, you’ll see their battle raps. I would watch them because I just needed to see women slaying shit and not being proper or polite. I just wanted to put it into a cinematic world.

Your pen is equally hard-hitting, Radha. Rhymes like “Poverty Porn” and “This Some Bullshit” do so much in revealing character, advancing the narrative. RB:

Thank you. I mean, I feel like if we’re stopping to listen to a song, it should still be about advancing the narrative. We’re still moving forward, riding on this person’s frustration, but into the next scene, next act, or what have you. I think it comes from being a playwright, making sure that everything is earned and not just thrown in there for novelty or because it’s colorful and interesting. I feel like RadhaMUSprime is probably an explosion of her consciousness, the things that she’d been suppressing.But yeah, I’m an emcee. I rhyme. The beautiful thing about the film is I didn’t have to become a professional rapper. I don’t feel like the movie is 8 Mile. I say the movie is 2 Mile,

because she’s not trying to go that far. She’s not trying to be a hip-hop star. For her, hip-hop is a meditation and it shows up in many ways, from the trap beat floating outside her window, to her freestyling in the mirror, or with the dudes in the basement cypher at Arlene’s Grocery.

In some ways, the moral and artistic struggles of The Forty-Year-Old Version remind me of Hollywood Shuffle, Robert Townsend’s 1987 classic. RB:

I appreciate that you bring up Hollywood Shuffle, because I know that because I’m Black and I’m shooting in black and white, people always make the comparison to She’s Gotta Have It. But I feel like my film calls back to Hollywood Shuffle, about a Black artist confronting the white gatekeepers on who gets to tell a Black story and how.

Exactly. And like Townsend, you wrote, directed, and starred in your own first feature film. How was that experience, and do you think you would do it again? RB:

I wouldn’t say I regret being in my film, but I think that there’s probably more of a fascination with my film because I’m in it. And I have too much respect for actors to call myself one. I don’t come from training. I don’t sit in these auditions day after day. I don’t have to endure seven callbacks for a role. I just think that when an audience is familiar with a face, it might make it easier for them to go down the line with this person. So while I don’t plan on being in another one of my films, I do plan on mining my family legacy for storytelling, and on telling stories where music is a driving force.I really want to be an auteur. I’m hoping that my stories get quieter. Very quiet, but very potent. A slow burn, but such a beautiful payoff. I want to make work like that.

Amen.

Photographs:

Radha Blank on set, t & m

Radha Blank with her fellow cast members

#radha blank #the forty-year-old version #the forty year old version #hollywood shuffle #robert townsend #netflix #netflix queue #radhamusprime #black comedy #black playwrights #comedy #burn hollywood burn #black cinema #black film #black films

79 notes · View notes

nat-20s · 4 years

Text

MEDIA THAT I RECOMMEND YOU CONSUME INSTEAD OF SUPERNATURAL FOR BOTH HEART AND HEALTH BROKEN DOWN BY TYPE OF MEDIA AND WHY YOU MIGHT LIKE IT IF AT ANY POINT YOU, LIKE MY POOR POOR SEVENTEEN YEAR OLD SELF, WERE INVESTED IN THIS ABSOLUTE GARBAGE FIRE OF A SHOW

with apologies to anyone on mobile who’s readmore function APPARENTLY doesn’t work

(I haven’t watched supernatural for at least five years and, given any sort of luck, I will never do so again, do not @ me)

hello babes. I am talking to you know bc I keep seeing supernatural, unironically, on my dash, and I think we can all do better. I see what’s happening and I think: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hU3i_o5Xd4g

Supernatural is fudge stripes. You are Megan. We can fix this.

So a list of alternate things that I think are overall better written/characterized/just generally more enjoyable that might scratch some of those itches:

TV SHOWS

Good Omens

okay look if u were on tumblr last year u probably already watched this show but like. If u haven’t, it’s only six episodes babe and there’s a large enough fandom that u can go down a fanart hole for days on end

Basic summary: the antichrist has reached that lovely young age where he’s supposed to bring about the apocalypse. An angel and a demon who have decided that actually they like the world as is, thank you very much, try to stop the end times. They’re not very good at it though, which makes for a comedy of errors.

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: theologic (mostly christian) exploration/parody/imagery without inherently being a religious show. Fighting off the apocalypse narrative, which I think pretty much always goes hard as hell, but that’s just me. There’s a gay angel who’s socially awkward. There’s a fun very British demon. Touches on the hierarchies of heaven and hell, with framing Heaven as a bureaucracy and blurs the differences between angels and demons. Pining. Tenderness. A deep nostalgia for 80s music, though in this case it’s specifically queen, and who doesn’t love queen. Main character has a weirdly strong bond with his black vintage car. Satan is (sort of) fought.

Gravity Falls

sometimes...things that are kids shows...with a set story and a predetermined ending...are better

(also this isn’t relevant to any of what I’m talking about but I really appreciate that Gravity Falls specifically went against the thing that most begged me about ATLA aka that a 15 year old girl would be like yeah I’m into a 12 year old boy because the 12 year old boy has a crush on me and I apparently don’t get to really have a say in this. How does that make sense.)

Basic Summary: Twelve year old twins Dipper and Mabel go to stay with their Grunkle Stan for the summer in a small Oregon town called Gravity Falls. Turns out this town is filled with all sorts of strange phenomena that they often have to confront, work around, learn about, or befriend!

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: The core focus of the show is a close sibling duo, but like It’s obvious that the siblings actually like and love each other and while they have their spats it’s still incredibly clear that they deeply care about each other even with their differences LIKE SORRY SUPERNATURAL YOU CAN’T JUST TELL ME THAT SIBLINGS CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER AND THEN THEY SPEND ALL THEIR TIME FIGHTING AND LYING TO EACH OTHER AND GENERALLY ACTING LIKE THEY CAN’T STAND EACH OTHER’S COMPANY BUT THEN OOOHHH YOU CRY ON TOP OF THE HOOD OF A CAR EVERY THREE EPISODE AND SUDDENLY THEY’RE SOULMATES OR WHATEVER

Anyway. Yeah. GF has a solid sibling dynamic. Monster of the week that builds up to greater over-arching plot. A little bit of body horror, you know, for humor. Fair amount of meta humor playing with the tropes of the genre. A Good Ol Big Bad that tries to pit the siblings against each other. Have to fight the apocalypse (you’ll see this point on like a good half of these recs, I really like ‘what are we gonna do about Armageddon’ media). Interesting creature design. Planned, satisfying ending (which supernatural absolutely does not have, but I still think if it had ended with the season 5 finale like it uhh pretty obviously was supposed to, that would sort of counted. Don’t revive shows that have clearly already told their stories kids.) Tie in media that gives you some fun extra stories when you miss the characters. (yes I read some of the supernatural novels when I was a c h i l d, yes I’m pretty sure there’s one or two of them still buried somewhere on my laptop, no I don’t wanna talk about it.) Older father figure (?) who owns a tbh kind of shitty shop. Both already in place and found family.

It’s a good show, and it’s two seasons. John Mulaney Voice: I dunno it’s 40 episodes

MINI REC ALERT! (mini recs are basically things that I’m not gonna go into detail about for whatever reason [probably either due to i’m not familiar enough with it OR I just don’t like. Have a bunch to say about it in regards to how it will scratch the itches presented to u by spn] but still seem like a Good Watch)

Mini Rec: Over The Garden Wall. Spooky Kids Media! Episodic! Miniseries so you can watch it in like 2 hours! Cool ass Animation! About two brothers encountering said spooky stuff! Big Bad tries to pit brothers against each other! Might haunt you for the rest of your life! Check it out!

The Haunting of Bly Manor

I think about this show every goddamn day of my life. (Also not relevant but Greg Sestero makes a brief cameo in it and I was like hi greg my friend greg!)

Basic Summary: An girl named Dani, while staying in London, decides to take on an Au Pair job for two young children, an older brother named Miles (age 10) and the younger sister Flora (age 8) at the spoooooky and mysteeerious Bly Manor, and she gets far more than she bargained for.

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: Okay so supernatural doesn’t actually do this but I know I KNOW why we let ourselves be queerbaited in 2012. Four words for you: CENTRAL! GAY! TRAGIC! ROMANCE! You want some pining? Some tenderness? Some LOVE? Some dealing with internalized homophobia but no, like, actual violent onscreen homophobia? HAVE I GOT THE SHOW FOR YOU. If ur favorite episodes where the ones that make you sob (for me it was kevin’s death on god), I recommend this show. If you wished that supernatural literally ever had consequences or perma deaths or didn’t retcon major plot events like every five goddamn episodes so that there could be some exploration of like grief and trauma through the lens of/ higher stakes of horror, I recommend this show. If you really do stay up at night picturing a supernatural that wasn’t made by dumbass cishettie white men hack writers but was actually allowed to have Dean and Cas be in love over the course of the show so they could have like actual development and not the most homophobic gay reveal of all time, I recommend this show. Hell, if you just want a banger ghost story in general, I recommend this show.

As for what they actually have in common: horror setting/aesthetic without actually being all that scary most of the time. A strong sibling duo, though they’re not nearly as much of the focus of Bly Manor. Found family. Strong themes of grief. Questions of what turns someone into a monster (and done much better) An actual, much better noble sacrifice done out of love. Escalation of stakes until there’s a big final confrontation. Semi-big bad trying to tear this family apart. Found and pre-installed family. Sad orphans.

Watch this show. Vibe with me. Cry with me. Yell at me about Owen Sharma

MINI REC ALERT!

Haunting of Hill House- spiritual predecessor to Haunting of Bly Manor, though they’re not actually the same universe/story. However, it’s made by the same dude and has a shared aesthetic/sensibilities/some of the cast. This is only a mini rec bc I haven’t actually seen it, but I’ve heard good things and that it, while much more heavily leaning into family dynamics, has similar themes of exploring Grief and Trauma through ghooossstttsss.

Community

Okay I know that this may seem like a Wild rec considering community is a school sitcom with basically Zero paranormal elements but just like. Hear me out. And no this isn’t just because I think it’s a realy good show and I want more people to watch it, though that is a factor. If I was just recommending comedies that I think are good and more people should watch regardless of them serving as a replacement for supernatural I would demand you all go watch Galavant and Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. I’m gonna demand it anyway. Everyone go watch Galavant and Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. Now back to your original program:

Basic Summary: A group of students at Greendale Community College form a Spanish study group, and things quickly go Off The Fucking Rails in the best way possible.

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: All right I’m gonna be real honest this rec is for all of my (correct) bitches who’s favorite episodes of Supernatural were French Mistake, Changing Channels, and/or Mystery Spot. You think if Supernatural would’ve been fucking fantastic if it had been a committed comedy instead of a CW melodrama that occasionally landed some admittedly really fucking funny episodes/concepts, Community (and the movies on this list) will gently take you into its loving arms and give you everything you desire. It’s about the Meta comedy. It’s about the discussion, exploration, and subversion of common tropes within the format. It’s about the grand use of group/ found family dynamics in order to max both the goofs and the heart. It’s about fantastic callbacks. It’s about having one of the few “asshole with a heart of gold” leads I can actually stand because. You know. Growth. It’s about the INCREDIBLE genre and pop culture parody. Which genre do they parody, you ask. All of them. They parody all the genres. The glee parody episode is a fucking masterpiece of television. If you don’t want to watch a show that features a Halloween party where everyone turns into zombies and the ABBA discography blasts in the background, you can stop reading right now, because I can guarantee you won’t be interested in a damn thing I have to say.

MINI REC ALERT: The X-Files. I’ve also never seen this but a: everything I’ve seen out of context has been fantastically weird and delightful b: it appears that there’s a general consensus that Scully and Mulder are one of the only valid straight couples so it’s probably pretty fun and c: let’s all be honest. Supernatural was already basically an x-files rip off, it had like half of their original writers swiped from the x-files crew, I’m pretty sure if you liked especially the first couple of seasons of supernatural, you’re gonna like the X-files.

Subcategory: TV SHOWS ( A WHOLE TWO OF ‘EM, OR MORE LIKE ONE AND HALF IF YOU WANNA GET TECHNICAL) I’M SPECIFICALLY RECOMMENDING FOR THAT COCAINE HIT OF PURE UNADULTERATED UNCUT 2012 TUMBLR NOSTALGIA

BBC Merlin

Yes, I know the show ended in 2010. Yes, it still provides that 2012 Tumblr nostalgia. 2012 Tumblr is a feeling, not an actual time period.

I love this stupid show. I plan on rewatching it all over the month of January. I harbor a deep amount of fondness for it. It’s why every time I see literally any depiction of Merlin I get just so fucking excited, and why I’ve consumed as many ridiculous Arthurian adaptations as I have (side note: my two favorite other ridiculous Arthurian legend adaptation are Avalon High, a DEEPLY silly DCOM that is required viewing to level up friendship with me, and The Kid Who Would Be King, which is the only movie that I think truly understands the comedic potential of playing a King Arthur Adaptation mostly straight but everyone in it is 12. I’m not sure it intended to be as fucking funny as it was, but again, they’re all middle schoolers. I have never been more jealous of an actor than I was of the 22 year old that got to play a 16 year old dumbass Merlin who was sometimes also Patrick Stewart and did all of his magic with ridiculous hand gestures That should’ve been me that should’ve been me that should’ve been me. Also Sword in the Stone by TH White is pretty good, because Merlin knows germ theory in the fantasy 400’s and he just uses it to be petty mostly. Also listen to High Noon Over Camelot by The Mechanisms. Also Also I tend to prefer family friendly adaptations because they don’t have the uhhh. You know. Incest and sexual violence of the original legend. Love to Not have that shit!) Whether you watched it initially and are due for a rewatch, or you’re intrigued enough by the concept of the show to watch it for the first time, you should join me on this wild wild ride.

Basic Summary: You know who Guinevere, Arthur, and Merlin are, come on. BBC said let’s make em all YOUNG let’s make em SEXY let’s make em FAMILY FRIENDLY and let’s make magic REALLY SEEM LIKE A THINLY VEILED ALLEGORY FOR BEING GAY BUT TO THIS DAY IM NOT SURE IF THAT WAS INTENTIONAL OR NOT BUT IT SURE SEEMS LIKE IT WAS. @ THE BBC MERLIN CREATORS WHAT IS THE TRUTH BECAUSE THERE WAS SOME INTERVI-

Basic Summary but like a bit more helpful: A BABY version of Merlin (and by baby I mean like 20 year old.) is sent from his small town to the big city the Kingdom of Camelot to find his destiny. Staying with the town physician and friend of his mom’s, Gaius, he ends up as both his assistant and personal manservant to Prince Arthur. But in a kingdom where magic is punished with death and the prince seems hell bent on getting himself into situations that are going to kill him, the young sorcerer has his more than his share of work cut out for him.

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: Primo supremo queerbaiting. Like, yeah, okay, it’s queerbaiting, you know it’s queerbaiting, but you watch some of the scenes and ur like okay. I know why I let this bait me. Obviously with a modern show, I would expect more, I would expect better, I would raise my standards, but I gotta admit. Some of these scenes are fuckin compelling as hell, and the subtext is like barely sub. Monster of the week shenanigans. Some awful CGI creatures but like a charming awful. Like the kind of awful that tells you their very limited budget was more focused on cool swords than realistic creatures. Episodic stories build into a more overarching plot, with things getting darker in season 4/5. Shitty father that end up eating shit and while the son of said father is rightfully conflicted and upset over the death it’s cathartic and victorious as all hell for the audience. Multiple hot evil women, and I love hot evil women. There’s also nice hot women, which is a bonus. These women don’t all immediately stupidly die, so that’s a nice change. Also like a LOT of sarcastic humor and shenanigans if u like Sass Merlin is there for u personally name a more iconic line than “Oh I’m sorry, how long have you been training to be a prat, my lord?” AND THAT’S IN THE FIRST FUCKIN EPISODE brilliant amazing fantastic show stopping. Also you know those like dumb hijink episodes where like Dean was possessed by the spirit of a dog or some shit? You bet your bottom fuckin dollar BBC Merlin has those kinds of storylines. Also I know some people go to spn bc it had that HUGE fanbase and like BBC Merlin’s fanbase is still SURPRISINGLY poppin even though it’s been a decade since there was new content so like. Have fun!

Doctor Who but Specifically the RTD Era

Look I’m not here to say that the first four seasons of reboot doctor who are the only good doctor who or inherently better than all the rest (though the RTD era is my favorite personally) BUT when ur seekin that sweet sweet superwholock frenzy nostalgia, this is the ‘who’ that is being referred to. Also like. Stan 9. We should all collectively stan the ninth doctor. Chris Eccleston, the Objectively Best Famous Chris, deserved better.

Basic Summary: An immortal alien that goes by “The Doctor” travels across time and space with a variety of different companions, often to try and save the day or fix a (sometimes self created) mess. It’s distilled campy sci-fi with a family friendly tone that has made me cry on several occasions.

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: Monster of the week that, you guessed it, builds into bigger overarching plot style narrative. Fighting off the apocalypse, but like every couple of weeks because worlds are in danger a LOT. A semi-tragic romance that made people go absolutely buck fuckin wild bc pining n shit. Wamen, but they aren’t fridged. (actually for real though none of the main women die and I just think that’s really fun and flirty even though I could go on a COMPLETELY SEPARATE rant about the injustice of one of the character’s ending YES season 4 is my favorite season and one of my favorite pieces of media ever and I am currently actively recommending it to you YES im still fucking pissed over how it ended YES we exist) Specifically, a Wonderful and Very Excellent woman named Donna who goes on a spa trip that doesn’t end up going very well. That seems like a highly specific example, and it is, but it did happen in both shows. (Also, to anyone that continued watching SPN after like idk season 9 what happened to Donna? I always liked her and I know she became a recurring character so like DM whatever probably injustice was the end of her story line pls and thank you) I’m also extra specifically recommending for Supernatural Fans and also The World At Large: Season Four of Reboot Who. I rewatched it last year and it still goes so fucking hard. Donna Noble is the best character in existence. In regards to the appeal for SPN, personally I think the best part of SPN was when people who are soulmates went on adventures and tried to save the day and it was a good mix of banter and sincerity AND GUESS WHAT’S BASICALLY THE ENTIRETY OF SEASON 4 OF DOCTOR WHO. It’s so good y’all I wish Everything was about soulmates going on adventures and trying to save the day.

OKAY TV SHOWS DONE TIME FOR M O V I E S which I don’t have nearly as many recs for but uhh here goes

What We Do In The Shadows/ Shaun of the Dead

I’m lumping these two together bc my reasons for recommending them are largely the same, and I would call them tonally similar enough that if you like one you’ll probably like the other

Basic Summary (Shaun of The Dead): Uh-oh! London’s had a break out of some of that good ol’ zombieism. Shaun and friends decide to hunker down in a local bar, but they have to get there first. Will they survive? Will they fuck up some zom zoms? Who’s to say?

Basic Summary (What We Do In The Shadows): Some vampire roommates dick around. I think there’s technically, like, a plot, but it’s really just about some vampires Doin Their Thing. Vibin.

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: This is kind of similar to the Community recommendation, in that supernatural had the opportunity to be one of those things that was both a parody of a genre but also just a really good example of the genre. WWDITS and SotD are both those things for vampire and zombly movies, respectively. Have the aesthetic and some of the themes of a horror but is not actually all that scary. Horror Comedy is a god tier genre and I don’t know why it’s not more widespread. Fun monsters/cast of characters in general, so at least one person in it is probably going to make you go “oh gender” ya know? With SotD you have the fantasy power trip that comes with like any piece of media that involves hunting monsters. With WWDITS I go “yep that’s how bisexuals dress” and I Will Not Clarify which character I’m talking about.

MINI REC ALERT: All of Taika Watiti’s filmography. Thor:Ragnarok is one of like 3 marvel movies that I consider genuinely fucking fantastic completely independent of the MCU and my own tendency to be like “hurr bdurr I love. Superheros”. For the one that is most tonally like Supernatural But Significantly Better and Written By Someone Competent I think I would say try out Hunt For The Wilderpeople. It’s got a reluctant curmudgeonly father figure and I KNOW some of you motherfuckers were so invested in spn when you were like 16 bc you had daddy issues. This is a callout post for my friend [REDACTED], who I should text to watch Hunt for the Wilderpeople, actually.

MINI REC ALERT X2!!!: Bram Stoker’s Dracula. I’ve never seen it but it has both Winona Ryder AND Keanu Reaves so like. Goth bi rights.

Happy Death Day (and Happy Death Day 2 U)

happy death day was one of those movies that I saw the trailer, went “eh”, heard other people say it was great, watched, and went holy fuck this slaps. Not nearly as much of a slasher film as the trailers implied if im remembering the trailer correctly

Basic Summary: Our main character Tree keeps waking up on the day she was murdered. The day resets every time that she dies. That’s right, it’s a time loop storey babey!!!!!!!!!!!

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: If you were anything like me you were foolishly lulled into supernatural for way longer than you should’ve been on the promise that the characters would idk like grow and change and become better and learn lessons and some of that would be through the power of receiving love and kindness. You know. Like how good writers would do it especially if their main characters are kind of dicks that really should make some changes. Well, Happy Death Day fucking delivers on that promise in SPADES. It’s about growth! It’s about change! It’s about making the active decision to become a better person and putting effort into doing so! There’s heavy themes of like grief and trauma and acknowledging them and facing them head on in order to move on and the negative consequences of refusing to do so and just trying avoid it until it goes away. There’s a romance that makes my dumb little self do the pleading face emoji. Tree is also one of the only good asshole with a heart of gold characters. I also think media is improved by having at least one character that is a Good Good Boy (note: Good Good Boy character does not have to be a man.) and Happy Death Day has Carter. Oh on that note: Tree Voice: I’ve only had character for (the same repeating over and over) a day but if anything happens to him I’ll kill everyone here and then myself. Also the movie is funny so like hell yeah.

that’s all I got for relevant movies right now

BOOK RECS

jk i’m illiterate. Everyone should feel free to go ahead and add their own suggestions for this section The best I can do is uhhhh I think y’all would probably like Mira Grant’s novels, particularly the Newsflesh stories, bc sibling dynamics. Also the book The Haunting of Hill House is really good. Ballad of Black Tom slaps? There’s of course the Good Omens novel that the show was based on. I’m about to recommend some podcasts after this section which will include to Welcome to Nightvale because of course it will and the tie in novels for that slap, especially It Devours!, and I’m pretty sure they work as stories even if you know nothing about the podcast. Also also I think you should read “The Long Way to A Small, Angry Planet” by Becky Chambers It’s not thematically similar to supernatural at all but it’s one of my all time favorite sci fi novels and only like four people have read it which is a goddamn TRAVESTY.

Anyway yeah that’s it that’s all there is. Onto the medium that is like books but I can fold laundry or cook while consuming their narratives.

PODCAST RECS

Okay so this is getting uhhh wicked long so I’m gonna limit myself to only three full blown recs and a

mini rec

Alice Isn’t Dead

Fuck me running this show is so good. Literally hands down my all time favorite (and scariest!) horror podcast. Mamma mia, that’s a good fuckin story. The Book version is also good and has fewer Weird events but some further character development so I recommend them both.

Basic Summary: After her wife Alice disappears mysteriously, Keisha takes up a job as a long haul trucker, traveling all across America in order to find her, but ends up finding so much. Pursued by a deadly creature she calls The Thistle Man, the stakes of her journey are raised.

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: okay so I have a lost of bullet points of things that appealed to me specifically about supernatural and how no other shows covers all of them which sucks bc it means I basically Yearn for a show that’s supernatural but good. Alice isn’t Dead, however, hits the most of these bullet points AND is so fucking good. It has monster hunting. It has stopping a cataclysmic event BUT also discussion of the cyclical nature of events such as these and how the fight never truly ends but you can make some fucking progress nonetheless. It has a central gay romance that’s actually a central gay romance. It’s the ONLY show on this list that really hits that the weird and dark underside of americana vibe but specifically the americana of not like suburbs and shit but that eerie haunted feeling you get when you’re hours into a late night drive on open roads with no civilization around and an expansive sky and it just Seems like something should be watching you. Have you ever been out for a walk at midnight and encountered a deer and you looked into each other’s eyes and it felt like it was telling you a message that you couldn’t possibly hope to parse? Have you ever felt an incredible sense of deja vu eating in a restaurant you couldn’t have possibly been in before, because you’ve been to a thousand diners a thousand times just like one, and there’s an incredibly sense of homogeneity even though you’re 2000 miles away from anyone and anything that could possibly know you? Have you ever traveled to an area that seems to be stuck in a bubble of time, the only thing that shows any evidence of having aged past 2006 being yourself, and you wonder how your cell phone even works around here? THAT’S the spooky americana I’m fuckin talking about! Messed up road trips! Too much goddamn space! America is scary because it’s big and Filled With Things but also Not Enough Things! Fuck yeah!!!!! That time bubble fuckin EXISTS in Wyoming the most recent song on the radio I heard was fuckin Hey Soul Sister!

Also has a thing where like are there even good guys and bad guys in a conflict or is it all just one umbrella nightmare that you’re trying to stand against in anyway possible (u kno..like how the overarching structures of both heaven and hell were kinda fucked in spn? No spoilers but similar shit be happenin in Alice Isn’t Dead). Exploration of what makes someone into a monster, like how do you go down that path? Also this is the only show on this whole damn list that southern gothic music really suits it so points for that.

The Magnus Archives

You know I had to do it to ‘em.

Basic Summary: Jonathan Sims has just become the Head Archivist at the Magnus Institute, a “research” “facility” that looks into paranormal/esoteric/unexplained phenomena.

John Mulaney Voice, Again: Nobody knows what the archivist is going to do next, least of all the archivist. He’s never been in an archives before, he’s just as confused as you are.

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: Oh fuck this document is over 5k long I said I wasn’t gonna do this hhhhh so lipton lightning round: Slowburn Gay Romance but Actually Canon, Monster Hunting but Hey What Even Is A Monster Anyway, Acts Somewhat like a Loosely Connected Horror Anthology until it DOESNT, Little Things Build to Bigger Narrative, Characters Be Goin Through It (On God These People Need Therapy), Trying to Prevent/Fix The Apocalypse (X2!!!), Smug Asshole Big Bad, Horror as a Metaphor For Various Shit, Basically if you thought that the Men of Letter concept slapped and you think it should’ve been the whole damn show including being Deeply British you would probably really fuckin like TMA. Also if ur like the ideal piece of media is a horror tragedy but also like it’s a wacky sitcom but also also fuck cops. U will like tma.

Welcome to Nightvale

IF ANY 2012 TUMBLR FANDOM DESERVES TO MAKE A MASSIVE COMEBACK AND BE EVERYWHERE AGAIN AND ABSOLUTELY FLOOD MY DASH IT’S WELCOME TO NIGHTVALE WHY DID WE ABANDON THE SHOW THAT TREATED US THE MOST KINDLY DID YOU KNOW THAT EPISODES 108-110 ARE THE BEST FUCKING BUILT UP NARRATIVE REVEAL THAT I HAVE WITNESSED IN MY LIFE DID YOU KNOW THAT IT CONTINUED TO BE REALLY FUCKING GOOD AFTER MOST PEOPLE STOPPED LISTENING DID YOU KNOW CECIL AND CARLOS ARE MARRIED AND THEY HAVE A DOG AND A TODDLER NOW BECAUSE OF ALL THE GAY PODCAST PROTAGONISTS CECIL GERSHWIN PALMER LOVE OF MY LIFE ELDRITCHIAN CHEERLEADER AND CERTIFIED BIMBO KEEPS FUCKIN WINNIN BABY. DID YOU KNOW THAT CECIL THINKS PEANUT BUTTER IS A ROCK.

Basic Summary: Welcome to the sleepy desert town of Ņ̶̏ight V̶͚̰̮͗̔̊̊ale! Community radio how host Cé̵̟͚͕̗̞̙͂͑̽̄́c̵̤̼̞͈̪͓̍̽̋̚̕͜il Pǎ̵̧̨̢͚̻̈̂̄̇͐̇̊̀̆ͅl̶͚͎͕͉͖̬͓͑́̐̒̍̿̈́͢͜͝ͅm̸̧͙̟̖̠̳̬͋́͋́͌̚̚ͅȩ̙̖͎̖͂́̒͐͜͞r̢̢̛̰̻̮̺̩͙̼̈́͋̀͘ is here to k̠̠̰̦͙̯̥̎̄̆͌̎̀̿̔̌̚ê̷̢̬̥̞̩̯̘͒̽̈̓͐̂̔̍e̶̡̝̗̺̫̪̜͆̓̿̈͌͌̆͒͞ͅp̵̹̗̬̼̠̬͙̏͐͐̉̅͊͊́͟͞ͅͅ ỷ̛͙̞̦̦͖̑̉̌̎͞͡͡͝ͅo̧̧̥͎̻̥̲͇͋́́̔̈͌͞ǔ̸̬̯̫͇̦̮͕̤̲̯̽̔̀̔͆͋̈́͘̚ up to date all the local happenings, including w̸̢̢̢̧̡̡͍͖̻̳̹̼̼̰̬̭̱͔̲͙͍̰̠̥̺̝͖̺̖̼̮̼̞̳̞̜͉̤̯͇̖̳͖̠̙̺̲̤͇͈͚͓̮̭̱̭̩͚̟̥̬̟̻̝̼̖͚̘͐̆̅̂̃̈́͆͊̉̏͒́̈́̋͗͑̄̉́̐̌́̿̌͛̾̎̊̾̃̈́̉̔̍̐͛̕͘̚͜͜͠͠é̵̢̡̧̨̨̡̧̨̡̛̹̥̥̞̮̯͙͈̻̝͓͖͙̦̰͍̖̜̲̰̞͎͈̭̯̳͕̗͓͈̭̫̼̯̪̞̯̰̲̘̭͎̪̱̗̝̝̞̤̱͉͙̯͎̬͎̙̜̗͉̩̦͕̪̳͇͙̺̙̰̠͚͎̜̠͔̬͎̺̣͕̜̊̓̃̐̂́͂̎̐̾̔̽̀̉́̍̊̂̿̎͂͐̎̐̄̍̔̋̐̃͗̈́͂̀̒̊̎͘͘̕̚̕͜͝͝͝͠ͅͅa̸̡̧̡̡̨̡̨̛̛͙̣̘̳͎͖̥̝̟̱̩̥͙͉̝̲̙̮̩̩̹̱͔͎̥̹̻̜͚̭̬̳͚̤̙̖̯͎̱̫̞̪̻͖̱̞͔̭̻̺͚͚̯̬͓͓̳͇̳̦͓̞͈̮̤̭̣͉̲̞͚̘͗̆̃͌̅̍͊̓̈̇̌̒͊͑̊̏̊͌̈̓̿͗̒̏̒͊͒̏̃̎̒̀̅̾̍̀͘͘͜͝͠ͅt̵̢̡̨̧̧̛̛̛̯̤͓̘̻̤͓̪̰͔̪̝̫͎̻͔͈͎͔͙͕͈̰͓͍̀̏͒̆͋̈́̈́͂̔͋͆͂̅͗̍̆̍̆̔̑͊̏̈͒́̽͊́̿͂́̓͛̽͐͌̌̐̈̇̃̓̆̍̅̃̔̚̕͜͝͝͝ͅͅh̸̨̨̡̢̢̡̢̧̡̧̢̡̨̡̭̜̬̬̙͕̗̙̻̯̠̘͙̻̥͉͚̼̗͚͇͉̰͍̥͉̗͎̬̫͖͉͔̼̮̯̞̫̬̟̻͉̖̙̥̫͖̬͚̟̜̭͇͎̭̘̝̲̤͕͎̰̭̗̯̮̤̙̙̯͍̞̭͚͔͎̞̹̲̟͉̩̭̖̱̠͍̺͈̟̩̋̆̈́͆̍̆̄̏͜ͅͅȇ̸̢̢̨̨̧̛̜͍̺͎̬̪͙̻̝̣͓͈̺̩̳̟̲̠̣͈͎͎͈͉̙̪͖̳̺͇̹̊̍͊͑̿͊̌͛̿̓͊̾̀͂͛̉͆̾̽͆̈̏͛̊͛̍̈́̇͋̔͂̑͐̂̿͊̽͑͘̚͘͝͝͠͝ͅͅŕ̵̨̡̨̨̢̧̡̧̨̘̟͙̦̲̲̪̦̙̼̠̳͚̞̦̞͖͚͇̳͖̲̭͕̜̫̳̖̙͖͉͎̘̘̤̠͈̬͕̝̻͚̥͍͕̠̥͙̙̪̖̯͍̘̘̲̣̹̜̪̲̭̟̮̫̖̤̰͔̩̩͉̲͚̟̝̦̬̪̘̬̮̱͔̻̦̼̃̐̂͋̐̅̋͒̉͛́̅̈́̒̒͆̑̆͊̒͒̀̍̈́̍͌̍̏̔͋͌̒̍̌͛̓̈̂̐̕͘͘͜͜͝͝͝ͅͅͅ ̶̢̡̨̛̠͇̹̯͕͍̻̟̼̼̗̩̱̗̙̱̥̜̬̫̜͎͉̺̣͓̟̯̱͖̣̞̠̝̥͍̲̳̙̠͔̹̘̲̲̻̖̈́̊͋͜͜ą̵̡̧̟͕̬̳̜͈͈̳̝̜̣̬͔͈͈͎͉͍̯̟̞̺͎̝͇̰̥͖̬̯͙̤̬̼̲̦̯̭͓̠̺̳̱̰̮̎͋͆̈́͌͆̎̉̓̇̐͋͋́̃̉̈̄̏̓̉̿̅̒̉̒̉͂͛̄̀̇̒͊͛́͊̎́͆̌̆́̌͂̈́̽̋͛͗̑̊̀́̍͊̌͆͊͐͆̅̒̊̉̾̄͛̑̕͘͘͘͘͝͝͝͝͠͠͝n̸̡̛̛̛̛̛̙͎̬̦̠̼͓͈̝̾̍͑͛̅̒̾́̌̍͛̇̋̇̓̏͛̔͛̈́͆̿̌͐̿͊̿́͒̍̃̀̈͐̐̆͐̉̒̂̉̀̅̇̾͋̍͒̋̈̌̿͒͐̍́͗̀̌̌̚̕̕̕͘̚͘͘̚͜͠͝͝͝d̴̡̢̢̛̛̛̺̠̳̬͎̞̲̣̲̱̳̪̹͉̝̠̱̗̙̫̠̹̼̙̝͉̲̟̮̙̙̮̻̹͈̦̙̞͚̜̙̖̞͓̙̭͉̃̽̌̅̔̾̈́̒̽͑́̒͋̓̈́͆͋̽̒̃̽̋̐͌͂̍͑́̽̋̍͗̋͗͂̅̽̈̈̾͐̄̃̕̕͜͠͠͝͠͝ͅͅ ̵̡̡̢̛̛̗͚͍̺͇̲̳̯͓̰͍̙̮̙̜̟̞̣̼͕̝͔͙̺̫͈͈̠̻̘̱͍̦̭͔͈̤̺̗̮͕̦̞̘͍̯̻̝͓̤̳̫͔̩͉̬̈́͋̈́̐͒́̔́́̿̓̆͐̎͆̇͒̄̈̿̓̑̾̏̔̿͊̌͆͒̒͊̓̅̓́̔̅̀̀̀̃̿̂̑͂͆̅̎̾̏̓̂̈́͛͌̇̾͌͐̈̂̆͐̅̓̍̓̃̆͗̃͛̏̒̌̀̅͊́̽̐̆̿́̌͘͘̚̕͘̕̕͜͜͜͠͝͠͝͠t̷̢̥͓̄͗̾̄̅̚͜r̵̨̡̨̧̧̢̛̛̛̛̛͍͙͚̥̱̞̜̦̜̼̺͉̠̬͎̰̻̜̼̫̤͓͖͖̤͇̞̥̖̈́͊̆̓͊̑̑̋̒̈́̔̆͆́̐͛͑͊͋̇̈́̓̑̍̏͐͛̽̋̎͑̃̈́͒̇̂̇̌͂̀̍̊̇̓̋̈́̌̏̕͘̚̕̚͝͝͠ǎ̴̡͓͓̯̘̥̱̱͖̦̺͓̘͉͖̞̟̦͈̜̥̰̘̞͈̦̠̼̯̙̭̼͚̟̖̲̠̝̜̐̅͆̏̈́̍́͂̃̾͑̓͋̽̄̾́̾̆̾͒͋̎͂̈́͘̕̕̚͜ͅͅf̷̢̡̡̧̢̨̡̧̢̢̧̡̧̫͖̖͇̲̫̮͕͉͓̩̪̳̹̩͎̖̟̤̤̲̟̪̫̻̻̖̟̦͉̼͎͖̭͍͖͎̖̳̳͙̜͉̝̘̺̖͚̙͉͕͙̯͖̞͚̮̲̻͉͙̺̭͓͎̤͙̦̦̺̯͕̜̰͍̳̙̦͉̪̥́͋̓̅̀͋͐̀̄̊̆̉̒̐͒̀̏̈̇̊̉̆̐̏̾̀̀̓͛͆̍̾͗͌̀̄̔͒̀̍̈́͆̔̒̑̏̍̏͆́̾̐̂͋̂̔̂́̓̓̌͌̉͛́̒̐̽̏́̑͊́̌̆̂̑͋̇̈́͌̑̿̅͗̚̕͘̕̚͜͠͝͝͠͠f̴̨̨̛̹͌̂̓͌͛̀͑̾̓̍͗̽͆̉̊͗̇́̍͌̊͐̔̈́̊̇͆̄̃̑̕̕͘͘͘͠͝͝͝͠i̴̧̡̢̢̧̢̨̨̧̧̧̛̛͎̗̳̦̘̙͓̦̙͔̜̼̘͇͇̺̭͉̠̩̟̤̥̘͙̤̩͔̪̱̻͈̪̼̼̞̠͎̟̹͕̻̭̤̪̲͕̟̺̻̻͖͕͚̣͇̖̰̝̩͈̤͕͇͕̝͙̙̪͔̗̫͇͎̙̲̲͖̗̘͉̲̣̤͎̔̐̆͒̄̈́̀̎̃̃̅͆̌̈́̽̈́̅̈́̑̄̇͒͐̀̐̀̒̍̀̓͌͗̓̽́͗̓̎͂͛̅̑̔̀͛̈́̽̾̃̊͊͆̄̍͑̍̆̌̾͗̄̊̽̉̅̆̀̎̀͑̿̎̋̄̆̃͐̾̏͛͒̍̋̅͘̕̚̕̕͜͜͝͝͝͝͠ͅͅc̷̛̛͚̝̻̣̞̓́̃́̀̃̓͗͌̂͛́̒̊͑̓͆̇̈́͑̏̆̀͌̑͂͂̄͌̉̔̋́̎͒̿͗͒͛̇͛̿̎̍̕̕̕͝͝͝͝͝ ̴̢̧̢̡̨̢̡̨̡̢̢̛̺̘̹̯̤̩̘̯͔̞̟̬̠̣̟̻̥̜̤͔̥͕̠̥̞͎̗̩̱̮͉͔͎̲̯̱̙̜̥̳̮͔̦̣͖͔̜͉̗̪̳̹̦̤͇̣̙͕̯̫̖̝̼̹͍̠͎͓̗͎̦͓̲̯̱̠̰͇̮̹͔̝͉͙̹̜̹͈̹̥͖̣̳̲͖̓́͌̈́̈́̀͌̄͂̌̾́̍̔̊̓̿͋͂͋̈́̋́́̒̓̀̒̃͂̀͑̐͛̆̆͒̈́̅̿͊͌̍͗̌̌͆̂͌́̉̏̒̓͊̾̒̓̋̽͐̏̾͘̕͜͝͠͝ͅͅr̸̨̢̛̪̞̬͓͔̥̤̣͔̭̥̙͉̦̗̠̳̩͙̂̈́͑͑̿̋̓̀͋͆̋̕͝͝ë̴̢̡̨̬͈͉̖̞͔͎͓͖̼̘̬͕̰͈̥͈̝̩͎͉͉̫̜͚͕̤͔̟̯͓͎̟͙̜̭̩̗̮͎̗̤͇̝̩͎̜̺̯͕͇̝͎̯͙̖͙̮̗̮̘́̑͑͛̂̅̄̌̽̓̒̾̿͆̏̏͐͛̾̂̃͑͆̅̄̿͋̅͂̈́̽͋͒̎͐̒̓͆̌̉͑͊́̀̈̾͛̋͑̋̎̈̀̽̀͊̏͘͝͝͝͝͠͝ͅp̴̧̧̡̢̢̢̛̛̛͚̟͓̖̭̪̻̪̲̬̥̙̥̰̼̹͎͕̪̞̮̺̰̬̘̫̤͉̦͙̮̖̙̹̻͔̖̮̲̞̣̻̜̠͇̬͚̱̦̼̲̮̀̂͌̍̈̒̍̋̌̏͐̓͛̉̂̈̀͑̈́͊͗͋͗́̂̎̎̃͆͒̅̑̇́̈͐̾̀̔̒̉͑͒̅̓̈́̋͋̀̍̄̿̌̀̉͆̇̔̈́͗̋̄̓̇͗̎̉̆͊̒͗̚̕͘͘̕̕̚͜͜͝͝͠͠͠͠͠ͅͅͅơ̶̢̡̧̨̡̛̛͔̦̼̰̠̯̰̟̲̣̜͙̲͙̪̱̱͕̺̪͈͉̺̻̙̥̲̩̲̩͔̠͚̩͓̞̠̯̟̫̣̗̦̰͉͚͙̺͎̼͖̥̙͈̯̲̝̞͎̻͕̮͔̰̖͔̭͙̩̼͔̫̹̘͓͔̜̘͍̍̅̄͋͑̋̍̊̉̄̈̽̈͐̀͌͐̆͊͂̐̋̃̎͆͛̐̀̂̿̈́͂́̈̌͐̇̀̒͋͑͐́͌̐̇̊͆̀͂͋̏́͋͆̏͗͂͑̂̓̽͘͘̚̕̕̕̕̚͘͜͜͠͝͝ͅͅͅr̴̨̨̨̧̨̛̘͕͈͔͙̠̬̯̩̗̰̗̬̦͈̗̝̣͓͓̟͕͙͈̠̘̻͓̭̝̘̦̦͓̭̘͙̻̙̼̩̰̝͈̱̝̱̬͉͙̣̖̮̲͈̙̱̩̣͕̦̰̮͔͈͓̙̮͍̳̟̠̞͎̱̣̰͕̩̝̲̝͐́́̍̈͐͋̐̑̌͋̓̈́̈͗̿̈̈́͗̑̚͜͜͜͜͜͝ͅͅţ̴̢̨̧͇͉͎̣̬̣̝̗̬̹͇̮̞̈́̐̌̇̈́̌͊̐̅̂̌̂͒͌́̈͌̂̊͗̍̿͑͋̎̓͂̀̎̎͒̾̏̒͌̃̄͋̌̾̍̈́̐̏͑̊̍͑͆̉̓́̆̌̾̓͊̊̈̑͘̚̕͘͘̕͝͝͝͝͝s̴̢̢̡̛̬̹͚̻͉̦̦̣̦̠̜͕̤̳͓͙̟̬͕̘̦̿͗̉̏̒͆̓̄͊͌͛͂͑̒̃͛͘͜͝͝!

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: Honestly, probably bc Nightvale and Alice are by the Same Dudes, a lot of these points are the same as Alice Isn’t Dead, but it’s less scawy and more funney. Also hits the “horror, but make it kind of a sitcom” vibes. Doesn’t have the same road trip vibes, but DOES capture the exact weirdness of South Western USA, so I’m still giving it “fucked up americana” credit. If you’ve never been to New Mexico ur like this is an exaggeration clearly no desert town is subject to like ACTUAL cosmic horror and unexplainable sights but I’m telling you New Mexico is just Like That. (I highly recommend visiting the land of enchantment if you ever get the oppurtunity it is a deeply odd and wonderfully unsettling experience.) Look man it’s gay it’s a horror comedy cecil has a wonderfully soothing voice and it hates capitalism so fucking much like oh my god so much what more could you want.

MINI REC ALERT: Wolf 359! I have nothing deep to say about this I just like it and my gut tells me that y’all would enjoy it too I know there isnt much for physical descriptions in the show but I know in my heart that the main character is so so pretty and so so stupid. I KNOW yall like some himbos that experience character growth.

Okay since It’s my party and I’ll speak if I want to rapid fire list of podcasts I just like and want more people to listen to even though I’m behind on like all of them shhhhh: The Penumbra Podcast, BomBARDed, Dungeons and Daddies, Stellar Firma, Wonderful!

SONG RECS

okay these aren’t like replacement recs or anything they’re just really good and I almost certainly would have put them on some sort of supernatural playlist in 2013 but I don’t, like, have a good playlist for them now so I’m subjecting y’all to them also they all have the youtube link for ease of access

Woah There Kimmy- Felix Hagan & the Family

Devil’s Backbone- The Civil Wars

Blood On My Name- The Brothers Bright

Awake O Sleeper- The Brothers Bright

The Bottom of the River- Delta Rae

Old Number 7- The Devil Makes Three

The Bullet- The Devil Makes Three

In Hell I’ll Be In Good Company- The Dead South

Bartholomew- The Silent Comedy

Pomegranate Seeds- Julian Moon

Curses- The Crane Wives

Tongues & Teeth -The Crane Wives

OKAY THAT’S IT! THAT’S ALL FOLKS! FUCK!

#long post #if you didn't want this blame of-mice-and-mentality for enabling me posting #supernatural

44 notes · View notes

weaselle · 4 years

Text

Sims 4 Build

OK. So. I started a new play through a while back and I wanted my sims to go out to eat and if you aren’t familiar with the Sims there are only bar/lounges and of course that ridiculous place in the faux Hollywood world. So I went to the Gallery and downloaded a couple of restaurants and...

Because I have worked for 25 years in the F&B service industry, I immediately became salty about a number of things.

And that’s why I built this restaurant, full of all the things people leave out of their restaurant builds.

See, it’s not a house. Stop building house shaped restaurants. And, nobody includes parking lots, but since I did, I made sure the handicap spots are the two closest to an entrance and have a loading zone adjacent.

I’m detail oriented in my sims builds.

If you’ve worked in restaurants, you’ll identify with all the commonalities I’ve found missing in most gallery builds that I’ve applied to this restaurant, even if you don’t play Sims.

If you haven’t worked in restaurants but you do build them in Sims 4, you could view this as a tutorial

FOH - The Floor

First of all, idk what people are looking at when they go out to eat, but evidently it isn’t the seating arrangements -- I kept finding restaurant after restaurant that seemed to have no ideal how to set up a dining area with tables. Like, the tables would be so crammed together the sims couldn’t actually walk between them, or they’d have a white cloth establishment with almost all 6 and/or 8 tops (a six-top is a table with six chairs) and almost no 2 or 4 tops; sometimes there would be like, mostly 10 or 12 tops!

Or they’d put chairs on every side of every table even though this makes everything cramped, or they’d jigsaw a bunch of different table sizes into a giant crowded square filling most of the restaurant. But mostly I saw people... doing all of these things at once they were all just doing all of this all the time omg.

(Though I did see a couple builds where they had a huuge restaurant and then like, five small tables) Nobody seemed to know how many people a space should comfortably seat, or how many tables/seats a restaurant might need, or how to set them up

look

some things to notice:

This seats 46. That’s good. When we move into the bar the bar tables and seating at the bar are going to bring it up to 63. Depending on your restaurant you’ll usually have between 40 and 80 seats, so I’m hitting my target perfectly.

more than half the tables are 2 tops, but more than half the chairs are at larger tables; this isn’t like, a rule, but does mean there is probably close to the right mix of table sizes, especially for a white table cloth kinda place. There are only two “large” tables, which is about right.

The layout is easy to comprehend and section out. This floor easily lends itself to a two-server or four-server shift, and three servers isn’t hard to figure out. Like, I know exactly which tables each server would have as a four-server shift transitioned down to the closer over the evening.

It’s nearly symmetrical but not quite 100% which is what you usually see in a restaurant.

The lights are not placed randomly. You might think this doesn’t need to be pointed out. You’d be surprised.

There is plenty of room to move between the tables and have guests feel like they have their own area, with like, lanes to walk down, but there is no wasted space. It’s very full, but not at all crowded.

There’s a defined entrance, with a waiting area. The game tells you that you have to include this host station

which, yeah, some places just have a simple podium, but I built it out to help define the entrance, which has a menu stand and some seating for a wait list and the host stand has clutter like extra table tent menus and a condiment caddy.

Similarly, the game says you need this server station

but I turned it into this

Now THAT’s a server station, with a drinks fridge, extra menus, plates, condiment shelves, and a coffee pot, which is orange for decaf because theres a regular coffee station that includes an espresso machine behind the bar. See?

Lastly, you can’t really tell from the pics so far, but the dining room and bar seating is only about half of the total space in the building, which is about right.

Here’s the bar tops

and the bar, which has a pass window right to the kitchen line, under the TV (don’t worry, there’s a proper pass for the servers and an expeditor through that door to the right)

But once I addressed these issues with the Front of House, I realized: there is so much more missing from most restaurants on the gallery.

Like the back office.

BOH - Office

I didn’t find a single restaurant on the gallery that included one, but just about every restaurant has a shitty little back office crammed into what should be, like, a small closet. They all tend to look a little something like this

I had to hunt through debug for most of this clutter - it’s hard to tell in this pic, but that’s a couple stacks of money just sitting out on the desk to the right of the computer. That’s, shall we say, not super unusual to see in one of these crappy little paperwork prisons. And of course the mess of files and mail and shit.

You know what else every restaurant has but I never saw in any on the gallery?

Dish Pit

The game is not set up to allow you to make a proper dish pit. Like, there isn’t an industrial dishwasher or anything. Bu tI made one anyway. From the floor sinks, to the dish racks, to the horrible, heavy-ass red rubber mat that’s such a pain to clean at the end of the shift, I think you’ll recognize this room right away

I really had to fiddle to get this one -- those dish racks? they’re actually overlapped home counter racks that look like this

they were super hard to line up right. The “floor sinks” are actually a drain that’s supposed to go on the bottom of a pool, the dishwasher is actually three floor models raised to the right hight and overlapped facing different directions, and I added the little drain panels on either side by shrinking and raising floor vents to the height of the counters, which are actually overlapping tables. The floor I lucked out on, the Sims 4 has a tile floor pattern that comes in both grungy and clean, so I placed the clean ones on the outside edge of the dish pit floor in half-tiles along an irregular pattern with the edges matched to the lines of grout and added a couple of my own floor smudges so there wouldn’t be a straight line of dirty versus clean tile. Then I put some water stains over the whole thing to mask it better, overlapping some of the water stains to create the illusion of a flow of water going down the floor drain.

Speaking of the dish pit, most restaurants have this cousin to the dish pit, that I don’t know what to call except maybe a

Mop Closet

The Sims doesn’t have one of the yellow industrial mop buckets with the squeezy thing attachment, but I did pretty good here. Wish I could have erased the shower head, but I for sure needed the wall spigot handles and the hose. Managed to size up a bucket with water to the right dimensions and trick the game into letting me stick in a mop that’s supposed to hang on a wall. Added some cleaning supplies and stuff to the shelves.

Speaking of shelves, nobody ever includes dry storage when they do a Sims 4 restaurant. You know, with the empty beer kegs and those metal rack shelves full of, like, rows of little bottles and the restock items like six packs of soda and sacks of dry ingredients and way up on the top is the shit that never ever gets used but somehow you have to get up there every other week anyway?

See that door, the one with a light over it and a light next to it and a little temperature gauge? Yeah, you know what else I never see in gallery restaurants builds?

Walk In

this was a pain, not only did I have to meticulously place every bottle on top of that fridge unit, but those kegs are actually tiny soda cans with no labels that I had to pull out of the vast un-tagged and un organized debug menu. I don’t even think they got placed by the devs anywhere in game, I think they are some kind of frame that gets a label/skin before it gets placed, usually. And see that fan up top in the middle of the wall? That’s actually two separate pieces of nonsense -- like, the center part isn’t a fan at all, its a stone wall decoration. But the design looks like a fan, so I shrank it and shoved it most of the way back into the wall til it was nearly flat and found that other thing that had a circle the right size in the middle. and viola. Oh, and it and those other vents next to it don’t just go to nothing, oh no, they match up perfectly on the outside to these

Okay, now, everybody building restaurants in the Sims DOES include a

Kitchen

And they often do a fine job, so I’m not going to spend much time here, but they do tend to skimp on prep space

(hey, see those shelves on the top right? Those are shelves full of dishes. I never see shelves full of dishes in gallery restaurant builds, but like, you need a bunch of shelves full of dishes. And off in the corner to the far left of the top wall? Prep sink tucked away back there.)

Dude, let me just say... that prep counter?I placed every vegetable on that counter individually, AND I had to trick the game into letting me put more than the like, three items each counter space usually has slots for. What a pain. Worth it tho. It’s hard to tell, but there’s a knife next to the cutting board.

And lastly, no restaurant would be complete without

“out back”

okay this post is long enough, but I just want to point out the stack of empty pallets, the discolored liquid and debris under the dumpsters along with a rat trap, and a little smoke break area with shitty chairs and a garbage table with some kind of bowl or something being used as an ashtray.

There’s more to this restaurant, employee lockers, bathrooms, etc, but this post is long enough, and I covered the most important stuff.

In conclusion, I’m getting pretty good at sims builds, and other builders should ask me for tips on restaurant builds or read this post, because I swear none of them have ever worked in food service

#sims #sims 4 #restaurants #sims build #sims 4 build #there's a huge wildfire about ten miles from me and headed this way #so guess how I'm staying distracted #when i say ten miles away i mean the fire is 48 square miles in size and one edge of it is maybe 15 miles from me #and it's burning another square mile every two minutes #so i've got my bounce bag packed and now i am Thinking About Other Things #i should be fine - there was a somewhat smaller but still pretty big fire between me and this fire last month so theres a decent fire break

66 notes · View notes

twiststreet · 3 years

Text

Woke up earlier than I want because I had a half-nightmare about the internet. What’s going on in comic books?? I haven’t checked in on that in a while.

Joshua Dysart is describing a financial issue with Valiant Comics over here. Talk about “soft language” in contracts though and unfortunately, this sentence happens “I believe that if they our not legally bound to give back to the creators then they are morally bound.” Price is Right horn. Here’s my favorite Steve Martin clip again. I don’t know-- if my legal rights were being impacted to my financial detriment, I’d talk to a lawyer instead of tweet through it...? I don’t really understand what’s happening but I just woke up.

After I woke up groggy, I was lying there and suddenly, I thought “hey, whatever happened to Gabrielle Bell?” (Because of the weirder details of the half-nightmare-- it’s hard to explain). I used to like her comics, but I’ve just fallen off as a reader, and all (and now, I’m just a fun jock who reads manga, so). Anyways: it sounds like (and hopefully I didn’t misunderstand) that she’s still making them to great acclaim, she has a podcast, and she teaches a 6-day comic class at a Pyreneese Mountain all-inclusive. That was a nice answer.

Speaking of manga, I’m about 15-16 chapters into Demon Slayer--don’t really get the appeal, yet. It’s a lot of arrows in that comic (like the “this way for the moustache rides” arrows, not “shot from a bow at a renaissance faire while some random dude tries to tell you how much he loves titty why are renaissance faire’s so horny???” arrows). And a guy yelling about waterfalls when he cuts things. The lady who makes it can draw, sure, but I don’t believe you should chase waterfalls, I think you should just stick to the rivers and lakes that you’re used to. I’m different that way.

Spawn is going to be a cowboy now.

Anyways, the Dysart comment triggered a response about that comic the Scumbag, that it turns out people bought-- they didn’t pay the artist there, either, is what it sounds like. Isn’t that the Andrew Robinson thing? People didn’t avoid that comic after Andrew Robinson end up being pro-Kyle Rittenhouse, huh? Anyways, it turns out there’s some financial irregularities on the Image comic staffed by people defending white-supremacist-violence, so... hahaha. Hahahahaha, oh god. Hahahahaha....

But yeah: Scumbag joins the list of American comics where the creators have mistreated each other, which brings the total to... *runs to abacus, scribbles equations on a sheet of paper, drives out to the desert and watches sunset, uses two keyboards at the same time until I look up from a dot matrix printout* all of them? Oh okay all of them.

Fred Perry’s Gold Digger which started in 1991 is ending after 300 issues.

(It’s weird with comic conventions coming back soon, in theory, seeing people give “hey be cool to editors who are drinking at BarCon you’re there to entertain them not try to talk about work” advice like 2020 never happened. Kind of fun weird, kind of a fun little romp for me, a person that people got angry at for writing about 2020 instead of writing good, responsible advice about how you should drunkenly entertain editors at bars with your flesh if you want a career in comics, thanks for the lectures, sorry 4 u that u read jokes. I don’t know-- that delta variant’s some quirky shit though, huh? So who knows how people do what).

The top headline at Bleeding Cool is that Saga might come back, after a three year hiatus. So, if you were a Saga reader who was 36 years old when Saga went on hiatus, you’re one year away from losing your virginity. That joke didn’t work because there’s no such thing as mandatory sex when you’re 40, but I just woke up and also: never funny but obnoxiously don’t let that stop me la la la la la la.

I hope it’s still nice for retailers if Saga comes back-- I hope it hasn’t lost too much of a step. Three years ago, I was a different person, though. I was your dad. I was so disappointed in you I changed my name, race and geographical location. Can you blame me?

Superman quit the Justice League.

The top headline at Multiversity Comics is that there is a Nightwing comic.

The Comics Journal has reviewed the Beef Bros comic book for a second time, after interviewing the creator of Beef Bros. The Comics Journal really, really love Beef Bros...? If they launch a sister site that’s just all Beef Bro content (the Beef Bro Revue--? throwing that out there), I want to write the contrarian take-down that gets alt-comics Beef Bro fans angry. I haven’t read Beef Bros but calling dibs. Also, Tim Callahan reviewed Dan McDaid’s Dega-- I read that comic. Nice drawing of Robocop.

The Eisner Awards are tonight, a meaningful night, for parents of people who win the Eisner Awards.

Nice essay about Maison Ikkoku.

The top headline at Comicbookresources is that Kevin Smith’s He-Man television show is being “review-bombed” despite its “nearly perfect Tomatometer score.” 14 children have died so far, but in Israel’s defense, they were holding rocks.

“Loki director explains why THAT kiss wasn’t really incestuous.” Well. That woke me up.

#Worst Hobby or Worstest Hobby?

4 notes · View notes

denimbex1986 · 3 years

Link

Note: This video won’t play for anyone outside of the UK.

“Anthony, I wanna kick off with a big one. You’re Sam Wilson, AKA The Falcon - how the heck did that happen?”

Anthony: “Erm, well, I, I got lucky. I got very lucky. I - I’ve always wanted to be a part of the MCU since the first Iron Man. And, you know, when they uh, some - saw some of my other stuff, they called me to LA and I had dinner with the Russo brothers and it kind of worked out. I was like: ‘All of you, just don’t be an asshole!’”

“That was their one note, their first note.”

Anthony: “That was it - don’t be an asshole.”

“What do you like most about your character?”

Anthony: “Uh, the fact that he’s a normal guy. You know, if you think about it, he was just a guy out for a jog, and Captain America was like: ‘You’re a good guy - I want you to be an Avenger.’ What?! Like, you know it’s ,it’s - that’s something no-one expects, That was a hell of a jog. Like, what happened if he never went on that jog? He would never have met Black Widow, who is the love of his life. He would never have got to go on adventures with Captain America, who is is best friend. And now he would never be dealing with all this craziness with Bucky. who is his arch nemesis. (interviewer laughs) All from one jog.”

“One jog. And that line: “on your left” - it must be a nightmare for you. You can never be to the right of anyone ever again.”

Anthony: (laughs once) “Very true, and its interesting because you can always tell when somebody’s about to say it. And, you know, it’s the build up, and the build up is like: ‘No, don’t say it. Should I say it? Can I say it? What would he say if I say it? Okay, ’on your left! Ha-ha-ha.’ (interviewer laughs) And it’s never a girl - it’s never a girl. It’s always some 40-year-old dude who, you know, it’s always some 40-year-old dude.”

“Yeah. I get it.”

Anthony: “If it was a pretty girl and she’s like ‘On your left’, you’re like ‘Yes you are.’”

“Good move, I’m glad it works. (Anthony laughs) Let me say this to you - would you say you might have the most uncomfortable costume in the MCU, when you’re wired up, I mean?”

Anthony: “I - I think I have the costume with the most pieces. I have about, - hoo -, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight - I have like, twelve pieces to my costume. And it just goes on layer after layer after layer and it, it can be, um, a bit much but actually, it’s pretty uh, comfortable. I mean the backpack is the only off thing - that’s maybe like 15 pounds, uh, the whole piece; the harness that it goes on. But nah, I’m - I’m pretty comfortable with mine. It’s just when I’m doing stunts I usually rip through the crotch of my pants.”

“There’s this great bit in the blooper reel where you crash into the ground right in front of Robert Downey Jr as Iron Man.”

Anthony: “Right.”

“Ah, great days. (Anthony laughs) What would you say are your favourite Falcon moments on the big screen so far - and I do have suggests if you’d like them?”

Anthony: “One of my favourite moments that made me go ‘Holy shit!’ was in um, I wanna say it was in Winter Soldier. When the Harriers are coming up, and I go under the Harrier and the, the missiles are following me and I do a barrel tuck and they hit the Harrier and I come back out. For me, that was the first moment I was like: ‘This is amazing!’ Right? And my second one, my all-time, my all-time, is this first sequence in episode one. The first ten minutes. That was the second time when I saw it, when I saw myself and I went: ‘Holy shit!’ (interviewer laughs quietly) So those two are probably my top moments.”

“For me, I can’t resist the moment where you say in Civil War: ‘So, you like cats?’ (Anthony laughs) And with Bucky himself: ‘Can you move your seat up?’ (Anthony laughs) Love it. Even the: ‘Everybody’s got a gimmick now’ - you’ve got all these lovely little lines.”

Anthony: “Right.”

“Good-looking guy in the sunglasses, And what I love seeing, the behind-the-scenes footage for this new show, it’s that it’s called ‘Bromance’ on the clapper board. (Anthony laughs once) And I know you’ve been asked a million times about your friendship with Sebastian, so here’s my tack. How would you describe him in three words?”

Anthony: “Uh - boring. Introverted. Er - I feel like shy is the same thing so I won’t say shy. I’ll say boring, introverted and um, a great sense of humour.”

“Love it. I’ll accept it.”

Anthony: “But he’s literally the most boring person I’ve ever met in my life.” (interviewer laughs quietly)

“All right, between the two of you, who breaks, who corpses and laughs most on set between the two of you?”

Anthony: “Oh - I would say it’s a 50/50 split. Like, when we’re on set, and that’s why I say he, he has a great sense of humour - when we’re on set, he always does something in some kind of way to just, you know, crack me up. It’s - it’s really funny. You know him with like - there was one day when he was putting the arm on, and you know, the process of putting that arm on is quite disgusting. So, (laughs aloud, interviewer laughs silently) he’s putting the arm on the, the - so they use KY Jelly to get the arm on, right? -”

“Yeah, the lube.”

Anthony: “ - So he has to dip his arm in the KY Jelly and slide it into this arm, and he puts - and he does this (slight moving motion) and a glob of KY Jelly just goes (motions glob hitting his face, then laughs, as does the interviewer). Never fails. Never fails.”

“Never not funny. I - I would imagine the whole staring contest bit would be enough to set me off. Like, I wouldn’t be able to keep a straight face.”

Anthony: “Yeah, that was good editing because that whole sequence - we literally just went at each other for about ten minutes (laughs) and they just cut it down to what it is.”

“Love it. And I’d like to thank you on behalf of all Marvel fans for holding up and basically powering all of the gag reels for, what, close to ten years now. (Anthony laughs) Are there any ‘Cut the cheque’s’ in the blooper reel for this show?”

Anthony: “You know, I don’t know. I don’t even know. We can do a whole episode that’s just bloopers. Like, we had a lot of fun on this show, dude. There - between you know Sebastian, Daniel Bruhl - ”

“Yeah.”

Anthony: “ - Even like, there was some stuff, you know, Emily VanCamp did - it was just like - it was just co - comic gold, like just comedic gold. And none of it made - because, because we’re not doing a comedy. Like, if we were doing Guardians of the Galaxy, all that shit would be in the movie. But, I - I wish they’d take all of this stuff and cut like a one-hour comedic version of this show. It, it would be - it would break the internet.”

“Oh God, I now really, really want that. (Anthony laughs) What would you say are the weirdest, most surreal things you’ve done promoting a Marvel movie or this TV show? Because I’d like to suggest reading out thirst tweets, an escape room and mean tweets. I mean, I don’t know whether Catchphrase with J.Lo was part of that? (Anthony laughs) There must’ve been moments where you’re going: ‘Is this really happening?’“

Anthony: “I would say the, the weirdest thing, um, when we went to um, China, for, uh, Civil War, we - there are only like seven chefs in the world that can cook, uh, uh, pufferfish because of poison- ”

“Of course.”

Anthony: “So, we go to this restaurant and the chef’s like, uh, you know: ‘As, as a, as a sign of gratitude, I made you guys some pufferfish.’ And we’re like ‘Oh wow, isn’t that danger, like - that’s dangerous’, and he’s like ‘No, no. There’s only seven people in the world who can cook it and I’m one of the seven.’ So we’re like: ‘Okay.’ So we all go to eat this pufferfish and our mouth is like tingling and numb. He’s like: ‘Oh well, you know, the art is to leave a little bit of poison in so you can taste it.’”

“Great.”

Anthony: “I’m like: ‘Not a good idea, homeboy. Not a good idea.’ But Singapore, we um, we uh, got to stand - I think it was the Opera House - and they like, set the whole city on fire with fireworks. It was insane. It was literally - the entire city was on fire.”

“Amazing. God, those were the days. (Anthony laughs once) Can I ask you, would your press - you know, I know you’ve done pranks over the years, but has Nishka, your wife’s friend made an appearance?”

Anthony: (laughs) “She has not.”

“I - I love her. (Anthony laughs) I’ve got to tell you I love her. What mementos have you taken home over the course of the films and this TV show? Do you still have that poster of yourself as the Falcon up in your house?”

Anthony: (laughs) No, but I do, um, there’s - there’s a few things. Once you get into the series, you’ll see, uh, from my house, um, I’ve, I’ve - there’s a record record player. Jacked that. I’ve been trying to get - they’re fighting me on it - I’ve been trying to get my wings, ‘cos I’m like: ‘The wings have changed every movie, so you should give me the old wings.’”

“The little pigeon ones? The little quail ones?”

Anthony: “That’s what I’m saying - the little three-foot ones like that. That’s the ones I want. So, I’m working on that, uh, but our prop team, uh, my man Russell and uh, Travis, they are - the angriest little dudes on earth and they watch everything - it’s impossible.”

“Well, what do fans say to you though, typically, when they see you on the street? We’ve already discussed ‘on your left’, but do they just walk up to you and start playing Trouble Man out their phones? Like what, what are they doing?”

Anthony: “The funny thing is most of them walk up to me and think I’m Don Cheadle. (laughs) They literally go: ‘Hey man, I love you as black Iron Man!’ I’m like ‘Er...’ Or they’ll say: ‘Aren’t you the guy in Iron Man?’ I’m like ‘Err...’“

“Not so much.”

Anthony: “Like literally, once a day, someone comes up to me and asks me if I’m Don Cheadle. Which it could be worse.”

“I love those bits in the bloopers where you say - ” (You want Wesley Snipes or Denzel;. ‘Denzel.’ ‘Done. Roll sound.’ blooper plays and both laugh)

Anthony: “Two very different things, man. Two very different things.”

“Two very different things. Okay, here’s another big question. What advice would you give to your younger self, before you got this role, to prepare yourself for a life as the Falcon?”

Anthony: “Er, enjoy it. I think a lot of times I, I missed the opportunity to just step back and enjoy it. Because so many people have so many expectations of you just because they saw you in a movie. Like, you know, it’s - it’s like being a pretty girl at a bar. You know, when one guy offers you a drink, that’s cool, then the second guy, then the third guy, it’s like ‘Yo, I just wanna chill for a minute.’ You know, so a lot of people feel entitled to your time and your energy, you know?”

“I get it. I get it. And you talk about that in the show as well which I kind of love, even in the first episode - there’s that discussion of an ownership of you - ”

Anthony: “Right.”

“ - because you’re an Avenger.”

Anthony: “Right.”

“There’s lots - there’s lots of stuff in this new series which feels really, really true. How does it feel working with Malcolm Spellman about that?”

Anthony: “Um, you know what? Malcolm has a great voice as a writer, and he was 100% in tune with how I felt and, you know, what I wanted this character to, uh, convey. Uh, he was really wonderful, man. I mean, he and Kari, they held no punches. They really went at these characters and this story, and they wanted to shine the light on what it means to find your new normal. What it means to live post-Blip and how that is very similar to how we’re going to be living post-Covid when we’re all vaccinated. So they held no punches and I’m proud to say they both did a great job and Malcolm was really, really great with capturing our voices - Sebastian and mine. Uh, when we would give him notes, they would come right back spot on. And you know, it was - it was really impressive. I’ve never had an experience like that with a writer.”

“Do you guys miss, even just a little bit, Chris Evans being on set - just to get that laugh where - where he punches your shoulder and leans in a bit? (Anthony laughs) I’ve missed that so much.”

Anthony: (laughs) “Of course. Look, Chris is, you know - the three of us we were - are - very good friends and we talk all the time. Chris was always the most fun, the most supportive, the most loving human being when you spend time with him. So of course you know, we - we always want him on set, we always want him with us.”

“And what’s it like knowing that your co-star is the kind of guy that will say on, like, was it Jimmy Kimmel or Fallon? - he describes working with you like ‘riding a psychotic horse into a blazing stable.’ (Anthony laughs) And you’re like ‘Okay, cool. I’ll see you tomorrow at work then.’ (Anthony laughs)

Anthony: (after FWS clip plays and he laughs) “I can see that, I can see that. I told you, look, Sebastian is the most boring person on Earth. I’m - I literally think he sits in his living room and talks to his plant. There’s nothing; I’ve - I’ve sat outside of his room, or in the lobby, or outside the hotel, waiting for him to come out, so I can follow him and stalk him and see where he goes. I, I - I’ve never seen anything like it. He’s a hermit, so of course he would think I’m a psychotic horse; of course.” (interviewer laughs)

“I think what he does is he goes to, like, in that Bucharest scene in Civil War, there’s a big tray of plums, and he just spends the day picking them. He goes ‘This one?’”

Anthony: “Probably. Probably. He’s the only dude, when we were in Prague, he has a 106th birthday party for Bucky. That’s cool - but he, he didn’t invite anybody. So he had - he had a birthday party for himself by himself.”

“A cake, 106 candles, himself?”

Anthony: “Sebastian Stan everyone.” (claps, interviewer follows)

“On that note, Anthony, thank you so much.”

Anthony: “Thank you.”

“Have a great rest of your day. Cheers dude.”

Anthony: “Thank you. Have a good one.”

#anthony mackie #falcon and the winter soldier

5 notes · View notes

thiswaycomessomethingwicked · 4 years

Note

for the quiet night in ask: how did Grima make his way into your heart? And why do you ship him with Eomer? I've been meaning to inquire about this for long hehe (also I love your theme! think this is the first time I see it)

I am so sorry, you’re getting an ESSAY.

I’ve been wanting to talk about my Grima feels FOR SO LONG.

HE SNAKED HIS WAY INTO MY HEART.

Um, tl;dr I have a soft spot for the bad guys who clearly have a complicated history with those they are opposing and I think Eomer/Grima have a fun opposites-attract dynamic and I love a good redemption story.

I don’t touch on literacy and Grima in this because that’s strictly the films and it’s worthy of it’s own post entirely.

I’m trying to think best how to break this all out, because it gets a bit long and rambly. I’m using both book and films for this, as a note. Since I tend to mash up different aspects of those Grima’s in my head, give the guy some eyebrows, and call it a day.

So, first off, his history. Now, we don’t really have anything to go on in canon here. All we know, in both book and film, is that Grima “was once a man of Rohan” (ROTK). In the book, Gandalf says: “This here, is a snake. To slay it [Grima] would be just. But it was not always as it is now. Once it was a man, and it did you service in its fashion.”

Grima evidently has served Rohan for some years at this point. We know that Theoden’s enchantment/possession began three years prior to TTT. In the books there is no possession. Theoden’s enchantment relies on the powers of words and their suggestions. Something Tolkien was well aware of carrying great weight and import in Anglo-Saxon culture. You tell a man he is old and infirm, he will become old and infirm.

I understand why Jackson went the possession route - explaining Anglo-Saxon engagement with galdorcraeft/witchcraft and the power of words etc. and how that influenced the development of Rohan in the span of like 7 minutes of screen time wasn’t happening. Possession works for the same purpose, but in a language the modern audience is familiar with - especially in visual mediums. Grima is circa 40 when TTT happens, same age as Boromir for reference. So, let’s say he’s been an advisor for 10/12 years at this point. He has therefore been a good servant of the king longer than he’s been a traitor.

Hence, the outreach. And, in Brad Dourif’s wonderful acting, Grima’s clear desire to go home to his king. In the book it’s more subtle. Grima chucks the palantir out the window at Orthanc and it’s stated that he wasn’t sure who he was aiming for, Saruman or Gandalf, because he couldn’t decide who he hated more.

Honestly? Legit. I would also hate the guy who reduced me to “it” pronouns. But maybe that’s my gender identity stuff playing up ;)

(Granted, in the full quote Gandalf reverts back to “he”, for context. And I’ve said this before, in another post, that it makes sense for Gandalf and as a writer, I agree with Tolkien’s decisions for that scene.)

Now, for some speculation. Not that I haven’t spilled a tonne already. MORE SPECULATION. This time bringing you long term effects of bullying and never having loving relationships modelled for you! Because LOTR, at the end of the day, is all about trauma and how maybe not to deal with it.

So - motives.

We know Saruman’s motives. Indeed, he tells them to us in FOTRK: “[to] have power, power to order all things as we will, for that good which only the Wise can see” and to achieve “the high and ultimate purpose: Knowledge, Rule, Order; all the things that we have so far striven in vain to accomplish, hindered rather than helped by our weak or idle friends.”

Great. Super straight forward. And from the man’s own mouth.

Grima’s though, always come to us second hand. In the books it’s Gandalf telling us (Gandalf can mind read, so yes, maybe he is accurate). In the films, it’s Eomer guestimating.

But Grima never actually tells us, himself, what his motives are.

(a quick aside: if some dude is shoving me up against a pole and threatening me, and I hear someone walking by, of course I’m going to look over at them and it by no means indicates my desire to shag that person. Now, of course, we know from other scenes this is the case. I’m just saying. It’s natural to look over at the person walking by while you’re being jumped by the Third Marshal of the Mark who is twice your size. anyway.)

So what are his driving forces for treason? What made him go to this point of no return then keep going even when people offered him a way back.

It is important to note that his treason required him to forswear his oath to his liege lord. I don’t know how to convey what a big deal that would have been, in modern terms. But it would have been huge. Forswearing/reneging on oaths was a massive cultural taboo in Anglo-saxon [AS] England (and general, early medieval Europe).

And, as Rohan is based on AS England (I forget if Tolkien was cagey about this. He was sometimes a dumb shit and coy about things so was like “noooo it’s not STRICTLY AS England….but it’s clearly AS England with more horses and a light dusting of vikings and the Danelaw”), we can assume it carried as much weight for them as it did for the historical people.

(Indeed, it’s implied, if not directly stated, in the text what a big deal oath breaking is. Don’t say “oath breaking” too loud or the Silmarillion fandom will come out of the woodwork)

The big takeaway: BIG DEAL TO FORSWEAR YOUR OATH.

And he did it! Which is why I don’t buy the “it was because of Eowyn and like some nice jewels.” You don’t betray your country, you don’t forswear your oath to your king, simply because you’re hot on the king’s niece and Saruman might give you a raise.

And, as a liege man to Theoden, he was part of Theoden’s household so would have eaten, worked with, lived with everyone else in the household (Eomer, until he becomes Third Marshal; Eowyn; Hama; Theoden’s guards etc.)

So, you live with these people, eat with them, drink with them, spend all your time with them, for circa 10 years then you do a bunk and betray them? Something happened. I suspect it was years and years of things happening.

Overall, I think it to be a combination of things. As is usually the case for these sorts of crimes. In this case, a nice mix of fear, desperation, greed, resentment, anger and desire.

Fear/Desperation: So, to Grima’s mind the world is ending. Why wouldn’t he think this? Hell, even the Wisest and the Fairest (i.e. wizards & elves) think it’s ending. Why wouldn’t this poor bloke from some small country nearby to Mordor not think it an existential threat to an unimaginable degree?

Grima is sat here in Rohan looking at Mordor going "oh fuck" then who are the leaders left? Denethor (slightly bonkers) and Theoden (past his prime and lacklustre, like his father and grandfather).

This is not a man with a strong moral fiber. Or...any moral fiber, let’s be real. He does not have the fortitude to stick it out through hopeless situations. And it would have been hopeless to his eyes. And those around him (see: Eomer’s do not trust to hope… Sure Saruman was a problem, but he wasn’t just talking about the white wizard).

Gandalf’s plan, which none of these people were ever wholly aware of, was a goddamn Hail Mary pass and it worked. Barely, but it did. NO ONE had reason to believe it would, though. And those are people in the know. Not someone like Grima who has no fucking clue what Gandalf et al is up to. He sees Gandalf then like … Nazgul torture him on the planes of Rohan (Unfinished Tales). He sees Gandalf then bad things happen.

Lathspell indeed.

Greed & Desire: I don’t think I need to go into these ones too much. They’re pretty self explanatory. Grima and Black Phillip hung out and the goat asked Grima if he wanted to live deliciously and Grima, like any normal person, said: um, yes please? Also, Eowyn was around being badass, beautiful and untouchable.

Resentment/Anger: Alright, more probing in the dark. I suspect, for one reason or another (and these reasons would vary depending if you’re looking at books or movies), he was someone who was always treated as other/differently, teased, picked on, isolated, overlooked, doesn’t measure up to Rohan’s military ideal of masculinity. All of which creates an underlying resentment issue.

And nothing festers quite like resentment.

On top of that, I also suspect he was always told he was a snake/untrustworthy/not worthy etc. and if you're told something enough, and you don't have anything or anyone else telling you the opposite, there is a strong chance you become that thing.

It's a chicken and egg: the face you wear to the world tells the world how to treat you; the world tells you what you are and that is how you shape your face.

THEN you add in Saruman. Who is clearly, in the text, abusive. Which, if there were any inferiority/bullied etc. issues that are informing Grima’s actions, Saruman is just going to amplify it.

“You are a traitor because you’re a snake, and you’re a snake because you’re spineless, weak, nothing more than a creature that crawls on its stomach on the ground. Snakes are bad, evil things. Which is all you’ve ever been. Barely deserving of the good treatment I give you etc.” <-- all of which is basically a summary of what Saruman has been saying to him for a few years at this point (in the book, it’s only tangentially implied in the movies).

So Grima sort of morphed himself into what he believed himself to be, fuelled by that perversity resentment causes: Oh you think I’m a snake? I’ll be the best goddamn most poisonous snake you ever did see. Just watch me.

He is trapped in this situation. A hutch to trammel some wild thing in.

Which leads me to an interesting point that I think gets lost sometimes: Narratively, he and Eowyn are similar in what they are experiencing. Isolation, being overlooked, misunderstood/misrepresented, don't fit into societal roles and expectations etc. They just go in very different directions in how they respond to it.

I think that's why, in the film, it was smart to have her give pause and listen to him because what he's saying resonates. He is, in some ways, speaking as much for himself as her. But then, of course, he's also just trying to shit disturb and make mischief so of course, at the end of the day, any sympathy he is attempting to convey is laced with poison.

I do wonder, too, if he's the first person to see her fear and her frustrations and acknowledges them out loud. Which is powerful. To have someone see you. Damn shame it's Grima. Still, Eowyn (in the film) paused and listened for a reason.

A brief aside on my idle, ill founded thoughts on gender and Rohan:

One of the reasons I think Eowyn and Grima go in diverging directions, is that Eowyn is performing masculinity, in her society's accepted interpretation of it. Masculinity, in Middle Earth, is clearly the norm. And in Rohan, it’s a very particular iteration of military-focused masculinity that is idealized (you can bet, men who killed like 10 orcs were awarded places in court above Grima who served as advisor for like ten years but hasn’t killed an orc ever).

Eowyn’s desire to live/perform this more masculine ideal caters to the subconscious thing of “Masculinity is Natural Neutral Ideal” so of course you would want to be more like A Man. Whereas Grima is the opposite, not performing masculinity according to Rohan's accepted view of it.

And gods, in Anglo-Saxon culture (therefore, Rohan’s, most likely. I see no evidence to the contrary) is that a difficult position to find yourself in. Back in AS England, being called argr, unmanly, or to be accused of ergri, unmanliness, was one of the worst insults you could throw at a man (indeed, some laws said you could kill a man in retaliation for calling you such things). I would bet my shirt that people used such insults about Grima in this world. Which is all kinds of messed up.

Now, my interest in him is my general love for a good redemption arc for the most hopeless of characters. It’s why I struggle to call Boromir’s arc, when he’s written as living, a redemption arc. Because I don’t know he has much to redeem himself for. In his own mind, sure, yes, but externally? Not in my view, at least. He has things he’s done wrong and needs to make amends for. But that’s different from redemption.

Grima, on the other hand, is one whose walk-back from evil would be a full on redemption arc. And I like it because he’s not nice, he’s not pleasant. He will never be nice or pleasant or cheerful. But learning how to love and be a good person doesn’t require niceness.

Saruman could be plenty nice. Sauron could be plenty nice. Look what they turned out to be.

And in my writing, I do hope I’m treading that line between creating an understanding of who Grima is without Kylo-Ren-ing him. Or, woobiefying him, as the old parlance was. That’s the line I’m really aiming for. I want people to not hate him. I want them to understand him. Oh, still condemn him, still judge him, disagree with him, acknowledge and know he did bad things and isn’t a nice person. But the end game is to add some understanding and nuance.

Shades of grey.

Also I’m a sucker for challenging redemptions.

Why Eomer/Grima?

Because I am an agent of chaos.

More seriously, I was never overly taken with the Grima/Eowyn approach, personally, which is obviously popular (um...within the Grima world), and closer to canon. There are some beautifully written fics and art out there for the two of them, so if you’re into that. The creators in that nook of fandom are top notch.

I always liked the drastic opposite of Grima and Eomer. As I noted above, Grima and Eowyn are two sides of the same coin. Both bitter and resentful and trapped. And that’s a lot of fun to play with, and i get it. But for me, I love a good strong contrast of personalities in my pairings. (If that uh … isn’t readily apparent.)

I think both Eomer and Grima would have a lot to teach each other and in some really interesting ways that neither would expect. I can see both getting under each other’s skin in that way where you’re sort of always thinking about them.

Grima is also someone who has had very little love in his life (I suspect he wants it, he just doesn’t know how to give or receive it). Eomer is someone who has lost a lot of people (parents, quasi-uncle for a few years there. I think it’s why he’s so controlling over Eowyn. Didn’t want to lose her). And I think there’s something in there where they could help each other grow. But I’m a sucker for some beauty to be there, in the end. Some hope.

Mostly, though, I think it boils down to their dynamic and the angst potential. Eomer is this brash, forthright, fiery third marshal of the mark who may or may not think things through. Big of heart, dumb of ass. Then there’s Grima who is quiet and reserved, cynical, critical, always has a plan or five, gets by via his wits etc. Lots of fun potential there.

#LOTR #lord of the rings #the lord of the rings #grima wormtongue #rohan #eorlingas #LOTR meta #ask #reply #eomer

49 notes · View notes

moonstruckwytch · 3 years

Text

So I was inspired by @birkholtzlovebot posting her first fic the other night and I accidentally wrote 4k of nurseydex their senior year after the first loss with Dex as captain. No one has read it but me and it’s mostly unedited but I enjoyed writing it and figured the hivemind would like to read it... so....

Full fic under the cut because like I said it’s 4k and no one needs all of that on their dash

Dex’s weekend is not off to a great start.

Samwell’s first loss with him as captain happens on Friday night in Boston. It’s not even a close game. Sure, they shut out BU’s team in the first period, but then one of their guys took out Tango and that knocked Whiskey off his game, and the next thing Dex knew he was walking back to the locker room and they’d lost 4 – 0.

He’s worried about Chowder. Hopes that he knows it wasn’t his fault. Needs him to know that. Dex knows it’s his fault. He’s the captain and he’s responsible for the team. He should have kept it together and kept BU away from C entirely. Walking back to the bus back to their hotel he can practically hear Jack’s voice in his head telling him that’s not true, but the nasty comments coming from his own internal voice are louder.

He really should rally the team, give some kind of pep talk, but he can’t bring himself to. So instead he sits silently on the bus, headphones in but not playing anything, until Nursey appears next to him. Ford walks past, gives him a sad smile, and when she and Nursey nod at each other Dex thinks it’s going to be a long evening.

Nursey, blessedly, leaves him alone on the 15 minute ride to the Marriott, or Hilton or whatever chain they’re staying at, and Dex pulls himself together long enough to hand out keys with Hall and Murray, who really don’t seem any more disappointed in him than usual. Eventually he’s alone in the lobby, holding the key to his own room, and Nursey’s gone ahead with Chowder, even though they’re staying in the same room, so Dex turns to his coaches.

“I’m sorry –“ he’s got more, but Hall cuts him off.

“Dex, you all played a good game. There’s nothing for you to apologize for. Not to us, or to the boys.” Murray nods in agreement, clapping him on the shoulder.

“Go take a shower and get some sleep. You’ll feel better in the morning.” Murray’s tone brokers no argument, and his eyes are sympathetic, so Dex nods to the two of them before heading to the elevators alone, still feeling the weight of the loss on his shoulders.

When he gets to the room and lets himself in, his first step is to drop his overnight bag at the foot of the bed closer to the window. Technically it’s the bed Nursey prefers, and usually Dex lets him have it, but he wants to be as far from the door as possible tonight. If Nursey were here it might be an argument, or he might just let it lie, a concession to the fact that Dex just lost his first game in charge of the team. He texts Nurse and C to let them know that he’s in the room and gonna take a shower, so Nursey either needs to come back now or in 40 minutes.

About 30 seconds elapse before there’s a knock on the adjoining room door he didn’t notice was there. When he swings it open, he’s face to face with Derek M. Nurse, and if that would usually be enough to set his heart racing, it’s not doing much tonight.

See, on top of the responsibilities of being captain, the stress of senior year as a comp-sci major, and the sheer terror of figuring out what comes after graduation, Dex has a less-than-small crush on Nursey. He’d come to this realization sometime over the last summer (just after Nursey waved goodbye at the South Station Amtrak stop when Dex dropped him off in May if he’s being honest with himself) and has been managing it ever since. Their friendship has gotten better – he feels comfortable calling them best friends now even – but he’s pretty sure the revelation of his feelings would send everything crashing right back down to where they started.

So, while Dex has a massive crush on his d-man partner, and usually being just inches from his face would turn him into a blushing, stammering mess, nothing is getting through the fog of the game just yet. He leaves the door open, ad goes to take his shower, leaving Nursey standing where he is.

He steps into the shower and turns the temperature as hot as he can get it to go, and if he cries a little under the water, no one else needs to know about it. And 40 minutes later, he feels cleaner. Not any better, but at least he doesn’t smell like game sweat and his gear anymore. Throwing on an old t-shirt and a pair of Samwell sweats, he remerges into the room and finds Nursey and Chowder on the bed closer to the door, both with wet hair and wearing similar t-shirt and sweat combos. Chowder has his Sharks hoodie on.

Nursey looks up at him, smirking.

“Finally,” he says “me and C both managed to shower in his room with how long you were taking. I thought we might have to save you from drowning.”

When Dex doesn’t respond to the chirp, doesn’t even tell him to ‘fuck off, Nurse’ his face goes softer. And maybe Dex wants Nursey to look at him like that sometimes, but right now it just makes him feel fragile.

“Hey, are you okay? You know how that went down wasn’t your fault.” Nursey is speaking softly, like he’s trying not to spook Dex, and that, that just makes Dex mad. But when he turns, rounds on Nursey with something sharp on his tongue, he finds the concerned faces of his two best friends in the whole world looking at him and he just, breaks down.

Dex sits down heavily on his bed for the night, trying to take steadying breaths that he can hear come out shaky and ragged, too loud in the now very quiet room.

Immediately Chowder is at his side, pulling him in tight for a hug, leaving no room for Dex to even move his arms to hug back.

“Dex! Dex it’s okay. It’s not the first time we’ve lost, and it won’t be the last. We can’t win every game. I’m sorry I didn’t block more of their shots.” He sounds frustrated with himself at that last part.

Chowder’s earnestness is endearing, and it would be easier to let it lie, but the loss isn’t his fault, and Dex can’t let him think it is.

“’S not your fault C. I lost control of the situation. I should have been more on top of it, done my job as captain.”

And at that, Nursey comes over to his other side. He seems less than sure of how to fit himself into this equation, eventually settling for resting an awkward hand on Dex’s shoulder. Fleetingly Dex worries that Nursey isn’t comfortable with his breakdown, and for a moment that comingles with a wish that Nursey would hug him the way Chowder is, which is just even more pain on top of an already bad night, so Dex shoves that to the side and figures he’ll deal with that later. When he tunes back into the situation around him again, Nursey is talking.

“Dex…” Nursey’s tone is soft again. “you’re not responsible for how the whole team plays. If BU hadn’t taken out Tango Whiskey still might have had an off day. It’s not your fault.”

And then Dex remembers Tango, slammed into the boards by a dude half a foot taller than him. He’d been helped off the ice and not allowed back into the rink for the rest of the game.

“Oh god, Tango. I didn’t even ask if he’s okay.” Dex groans, feeling worse by the second.

“It’s okay. I checked on him already. He’ll be fine, no concussion or anything.” Nursey soothes.

Dex swipes at his face, not wanting to let the tears pricking at his eyes fall. He knows neither of his friends will judge him if he cries, but old habits die hard and he’s never been one for public emotions other than anger. Call him repressed if you will, he’ll admit it. He presses the heels of his hands into his eye sockets, hoping that will help. He doesn’t know how long they sit like that.

Chowder and Nursey seem to be having some sort of silent conversation above his head, and the next thing he knows Chowder is pressing a soft kiss to his hair and unwinding his arms from around Dex’s shoulders.

“I’m gonna go call Cait,” he says. “You should get some sleep, Dex.” He gives a pointed look to Nursey and leaves their room, the adjoining door shutting with a click.

Without C’s arms around him, Dex feels suddenly cold, and the room seems even more silent, his sniffling attempts to not cry that much louder. Nursey moves away from him and his heart sinks, fearing more proof that Nursey was only comforting him because Chowder was there, but he’s back in a moment. Dex hears the TV turn on and listens as Nursey flips through channels until landing on some late-night program on the history of space travel, turning the volume down low. They sit in silence for a while, listening to a monotone man drone about shuttle specs and astronaut fatality rates.

“Hey. Let’s get you into bed.” Nursey says suddenly, pulling the covers down on Dex’s bed and putting a hand on his back until he shifts so he’s sitting in the middle. Dex thinks this is going to be the end of the interaction, but then he sees Nursey grabbing the pillows off his own bed, and the blanket he always brings with him on the bus.

“Move over Poindexter,” he says, continuing with “you’re not crying yourself to sleep alone tonight. Move.” And climbing into the bed next to Dex.

“Ah, fuck.” He says immediately after he’s settled, climbing back off the bed and padding to the door to turn off the lights. Now the room is illuminated only by the glow of the TV, and when Nursey climbs back into the bed, he slips and arm around Dex’s shoulder and settles them both against the mountain of pillows he’s created behind them.

Dex goes willingly, decidedly not thinking about how he’s got his arms wrapped around Nursey’s torso, his head on Nursey’s chest, their legs tangled together. He’s not thinking about the fact that Nursey is slowly rubbing circles into his side with one hand and carding his fingers through Dex’s hair with the other. He’s not thinking about any of this, because he’s too busy crying into Nursey’s t-shirt.

Incrementally he settles down, slowly, rough sobs fading into sniffles, into low hiccups which eventually also die out. And then its just the sounds of their breathing mingling with the history channel, and Dex still doesn’t feel better necessarily, but he does feel a little calmer.

Nursey’s voice is still soft when he asks the question, almost like he’s scared of what Dex’s answer might be. “Do you want me to stay here tonight, or get back in my own bed?” Dex just wraps his arms tighter around Nursey in response, not trusting his mouth and his brain to work together well enough to avoid telling Nursey how he feels here and now.

He falls asleep like that, Nursey’s warm arms still around him.

---------------------------------------------

When Dex wakes up the next morning, much more sun is coming through the windows than there should be. He groans and reaches for his phone before registering the fact that his pillow is Nursey’s chest, and Nursey’s arms are solidly wrapped around him, holding him where he is. The next realization is that Nursey is also awake and watching him. That fact will have to be tucked away for examination later.

“Nursey… what time is it?”

“Good morning to you too Dexy. It’s about 9:30 right now. I figured you could use the sleep.”

Dex groans. “We missed the bus. I lost my first game as captain and we missed the bus. Hall and Murray should just replace me now.”

Nursey’s arms tighten around him for just a split second. “I wouldn’t worry about that if I were you.”

“What… what does that mean?”

Before Nursey can answer the (very good, very reasonable) question, a knock from the adjoining door, and Chowder’s voice.

“Nursey? Are you guys up? We’re coming in!”

“We? Who is we?” Dex asks, but he doesn’t have to wait long before he finds out. Chowder pops his head into the room and is immediately followed by Lardo.

“Dude” she greets him “rough night.” She nods to Nursey, a knowing look in her eye, and only then does Dex realize that he is still in bed with Nursey holding him. He extricates himself as gracefully as possibly, pointedly ignoring the pout Nursey gives him, and goes to hug the former manager.

“What are you doing here?” he asks.

“C texted me. Told me that you’d lost, and it was your first. I called Hall and Murray and convinced them to let me keep you three for the day, with the promise that I’d have you back on campus by 5 tonight.”

“I still… what?”

Lardo looks at her phone. “I’d love to give you a deep explanation, but we’re going to be late if you don’t hurry up, so get dressed. Come on C.”

As she heads to the door, she looks back. “We’re getting brunch. It’s not Jerry’s but it’s almost as good. You have 15 minutes.”

With that, Lardo and Chowder head out to wait in the Lobby, and Nursey and Dex prepare to face the day.

Face washed, teeth brushed, and wearing everything except something warm, Dex regards his captain’s hoodie with suspicion. He’s still not sure he deserves to wear it this morning, and he could just ask to trade Nursey for the day. But while he’s considering, Nursey takes it from his hands and sticks it over his head, looking almost unbearably fond when Dex’s face reappears through the collar. Yet another thing to think about later. Once Dex has his arms situated, Nursey pats him on the chest right above the C and grabs their bags.

When they meet Lardo and Chowder in the lobby, they’re herded out to a familiar looking jeep, which Dex is pretty sure belongs to Holster. Something about Lardo being in charge for the day feels calming, and he feels a little more settled in his own skin, though he’s still concerned about how the rest of the team is handling the loss.

A five-minute drive and a little bit of Nursey’s infuriatingly upbeat music (who on earth handed him the aux?) later, they’re parked outside what looks like the Boston version of Jerry’s. This is to say that it looks like it’s seen better days, might have margaritas on the menu, and definitely does the sombrero thing on birthday’s despite the fact that it’s not primarily a Mexican restaurant. Dex see’s a couple familiar faces waiting for them.

“Brahs!” Shitty is emphatic as ever, pulling each of them into a tight hug that somehow smells residually of weed, despite the fact that Dex has been around him long enough to know that he’s totally sober at the moment. For one, he’s fully dressed, though that might be a condition of the fact that they’re going to a restaurant. Holster and Ransom offer him fist bumps and matching commiserating smiles, and he wants to ask how they dealt with their first loss, but he’s being herded, along with the rest of them, into the place by Lardo.

They end up at a round table booth. Dex is squished between Ransom and Nursey, Holster to Ransom’s other side, and Chowder, Lardo and Shitty on the other side of Nursey. It would feel claustrophobic with anyone else, but this is his team, his group. The only people missing are Jack and Bitty. He says so and Shitty laughs.

“Not by their own choice you know. Bitty threatened to cancel the photoshoot for the book he’s working on, and very nearly convinced Jack to take off from practice to be here.”

Dex looks at him aghast.

“We told him not to under any circumstances” Lardo pipes up from behind her menu. “But don’t be surprised if you get a phone call from both of them this evening. They’re worried – and Jack wants to talk to you.”

Dex isn’t entirely sure he’s prepared for that phone call, but it will be nice to hear from both of them. He then decides it’s now or never and turns to Ransom and Holster.

“What did you guys do when you lost your first game as captains?” he asks, because honestly, he isn’t quite sure he remembers.

“Called Jack to freak out.” Ransom says casually. “Dude was captain for 3 years, plus the Q, and the stuff with the Falcs. He knows a thing or two about losing.” Holster looks a little less pleased, but Dex knows that his rivalry with Jack is mostly superficial.

“Once we talked to Jack, we sorta just, watched sitcoms” Ransom continues. “Put together a list of the best episodes of Holster’s favorites and stayed in the attic for the day.”

Dex nods. That, makes a certain amount of sense actually. Holster jumps in.

“You probably remember Bitty sort of corralling you all that day, and stress baking. He dealt with you guys so we wouldn’t have to.”

Dex thinks about that, and hopes that Ford, Tango and Whiskey are managing the rest of the team. Especially because Nursey and Chowder are here with him. Almost as though reading his brain, Nursey speaks up.

“Just got a text from Ford. Everyone is fine. Whiskey is making muffins with Tango, and Tricky and Marsh want to know if you’re okay. Hops and Bully say hi.”

“The team will get it. First loss as captain feels like a bigger deal than it is. You feel responsible. But it’s really not your fault.” Holster says.

Chowder pipes up. “Remember how Bitty packed off to Providence the day after he lost that first game?”

Nursey presses his knee against Dex’s. “The point is, we’ve got your back, Dex.”

The rest of brunch passes in a blur. There’s eggs and hash browns, and a cinnamon roll that Dex is pretty sure is bigger than his head. Shitty orders something sweet that probably has too much alcohol in it for a Saturday morning, and they laugh, and joke and it feels like home for a while. A couple hours later the checks have been dealt with, and they’re getting ready to go their separate ways. Dex feels lighter than he has in the past 12 hours, and that’s in no small part due to the fact that he’s just missed these people. It might also have something to do with the easy way Nursey threw his arm around Dex’s shoulders in the diner, or how their knees stayed pressed together under the table.

On the 30-minute ride back to Samwell, Chowder and Lardo chat up front while Nursey sits with Dex in the back. Dex is quiet, happy to just listen to his friends and bask in the moment, but he is acutely aware of the way Nursey has inched his hand closer to Dex’s own until he’s grabbed it completely. Dex hopes he isn’t bright red at this, but doesn’t say anything – too busy running the morning through his memory, thinking and overthinking waking up in Nursey’s arms, and the fact that Nursey was just watching him.

Lardo drops them at the Haus, and after they’ve hugged her goodbye, the three of them head inside. The kitchen has cleared out except for Ford, who just nods to them, and looks pointedly at Nursey. Nursey shakes his head in response, and Dex isn’t going to press what that means at the moment. Instead he grabs Nursey’s wrist and pulls him down to the basement bungalow, and if Nursey seems surprised by this, he doesn’t say it.

“Do you mind staying? Do you have time?” Dex asks, realizing that he didn’t ask before taking up Nursey’s time.

“For you I’ve always got time, Dexy.” Nursey replies, smirking, but there’s something warm behind his eyes that Dex hasn’t noticed before. He glances to the bed, and produces his laptop from his bag.

“Movie?”

“Sure.” Nursey shrugs, and climbs up onto Dex’s bed, settling like he belongs there, and oh fuck Dex should not let his brain go down that road. Nursey looks over to see Dex staring, and pats the bed.

“You gonna join me here or stand there and stare?” and then Nursey fucking winks.

“Are you hitting on me?” Dex asks, before he can stop himself. Fuck fuck fuck fuck no don’t ask that, his brain practically screams at him.

“Nice of you to finally catch on.” Nursey laughs, and his eyes light up. “Now are you gonna join me or not?”

“Finally catching on? What?” Dex is frozen in place, not sure how to process the sudden left tilt his world seems to have taken on.

“Oh, I don’t know Dex. I’ve only just slept with you last night, spent all of brunch trying to make you laugh, and held your hand the whole way back from Boston. And that’s just the past 24 hours.”

Dex tries to cast his mind back over the past month or so, trying to see if there’s a pattern he’s missed in Nursey’s behavior. Has he been so caught up in making sure Nursey never found out about his feelings he completely missed them being reciprocated? There was the time Nursey brought him coffee in the comp-sci lab, for a full week when he was pulling all nighters trying to get ahead early in the semester. The time Nursey stole his hoodie and wouldn’t give it back. The time, times, Nursey has made sure he actually eats when he gets lost in a code, so focused that if Nursey puts something in his hand and tells him to eat it, he will. He’s lucky Nursey hasn’t taken advantage of that to comedic effect. There’s more he’s sure but that seems to be enough proof to him, and he’s been standing here staring at Nursey with an open mouth for too long already. Dex scrambles for something eloquent to say to respond, but what comes out instead is.

“Can I kiss you?”

Now it’s Nursey’s turn to freeze. It’s a much shorter moment than the one Dex had, and he covers admirably well, smirking and replying with “I thought you’d never ask.” Before patting next to him on the bed again.

Dex doesn’t waste any time with that, climbing up next to Nursey and getting in his space. Once they’re face to face however, he’s not really sure what to do. It’s Nursey who leans in first, tilting his head to meet the angle Dex is at, grabbing one of Dex’s hands with his own, the other coming up to gently cup Dex’s jaw. Once their lips touch Dex feels a little like he can breathe again, and it’s slow, and soft, and overall, just, nice. It’s not Dex’s first kiss, not even his first kiss with a boy, but it’s certainly the one that’s felt the best so far. When they eventually break apart, he’s pretty much ready to keep doing just that for the next month.

“So. Movie?” Nursey asks, smirking at the blush Dex can feel spreading across his face, heating up his ears and flushing down his neck. Dex takes a breath and decides to be brave, however.

“I think I’d like to just do that again if you don’t mind.” He says, and Nursey blushes this time, nodding and already leaning in.

Dex’s weekend did not start out great. But it’s certainly getting better.

9 notes · View notes

morningfears · 5 years

Text

By the Pool

Rating: M | This is smut! No one under 18!

Summary: Dad’s Best Friend!Ash, older man!Ash (mid-40s) x younger!Reader (21) | “I could just pull your bikini bottoms to the side, no one will notice. But where’s the fun in that?”

Word Count: 6k (this was supposed to be a drabble, sorry)

The spacious backyard is filled with people, neighbors and friends of friends, all milling about with beer bottles and wine coolers in hand as they share mindless small talk. Tacky, over the top red, white, and blue decorations litter the yard while oversized pool floats in the shape of flamingoes and pizza drift in the water. The scent of charcoal fills the air as the neighborhood men stand around the grill, all laughing and drinking as they watch the various meats (and the few vegetables their wives insisted on including) cook. Bits and pieces of their conversation, laughter at ridiculous jokes and complaints about the heat and recommendations for a new lawn service, filter through the air and carry around the backyard as Ashton steps through the wooden gate.

The sun is beating down, sweltering heat too much to handle even for the bathing suits that most of the guests don, and he finds himself wishing the party was being held later in the afternoon. However, this is tradition. A mid-day pool party at the home of that years volunteer, complete with burgers and beer, before everyone retreats to their own homes to shower and re-dress for the fireworks show to be held at the park that night. Ashton sometimes skips the mid-day party, depending on his mood, but this year, that wasn’t an option. His best friend, an old college friend named Max that’s remained in his life for over twenty years, is hosting and Ashton knew that his appearance would be required.

So he finds himself dressed in an old band shirt and a pair of board shorts, even though he doubts he’ll get into the pool, and lugs a case of beer that he and the rest of the men in the neighborhood can (usually) agree on. He remains by the gate for a moment, watching the crowd mill about the backyard. There are neighbors he rarely sees, people he only vaguely knows, as well as friends that have lived in the neighborhood almost as long as he has. There are teenagers he barely recognizes, kids of friends, and babies belonging to the children of older neighbors. The event, which started a few years after most of the neighborhood started to fill with happy families, has grown substantially over the years and, though he used to attend nearly every event, he’s skipped the last few and feels as if he doesn’t know anyone anymore.

Ashton scans the backyard for familiar faces, searches for Max or his wife, Elaine, and finally finds the pair of them by the grill. He decides to abandon his post at the wooden gate as another family enters behind him, a new set of neighbors who he hasn’t had a chance to get to know yet, and weaves through the crowd of people to reach his friends on the patio.

Elaine is the first to spot him. The tray of vegetables in her hand tells him that she’s attempting to get her husband to provide healthier options and, knowing Max, she isn’t getting very far. Her face lights up when he steps closer to the grill and she exclaims, “Ashton! I’m so glad you’re here. You’re the healthiest of this bunch. Tell them that vegetables are important.”

“A balanced diet does you good,” Ashton agrees readily as he leans in and captures Elaine in a hug. “But cauliflower steak, El, really?”

“Amanda, one of the new neighbors, is vegan,” she points out as she subtly nods to the couple that entered the gate behind Ashton. “And our daughter has decided to go vegetarian,” she offers by way of explanation, waving her hand at the plate containing various meat alternatives, “I’m just trying to make sure they don’t feel left out.”

At the mention of you, Ashton pauses. Realistically, he knows that he should’ve been expecting you to attend a party held at your own home. However, you’ve been away for college and, since moving into an apartment off-campus, you haven’t been home much. He hasn’t seen you in nearly a year, not since the dinner party your parents hosted just before you left for your third year of college, and it feels as if it’s been entirely too long.

He glances around the backyard in search of you, looking for the young girl with the glasses and unruly hair that he’s always had a soft spot for, but when he spots you, he almost drops the case of beer in his hand. If there is a Hell, a section of the underworld filled with fire and brimstone waiting for sinners to arrive en masse, Ashton knows that that’s where he’s going to end up. He can feel it in the pit of his stomach, can hear the little voice in his head reminding him of the very fact, but, as he watches you emerge from the pool, water dripping down your body, he can’t really bring himself to care.

Gone are the glasses, gone are the too-big clothes and shorts and t-shirt he was used to seeing you in whenever you went swimming. Gone is the girl that he remembers and in her place is an adult he barely recognizes.

The t-shirts and shorts have been replaced by a royal blue bikini, high-waisted bottoms covering just enough to be deemed appropriate by your parents for such an outing. You look comfortable and confident, a far cry from the reserved, shy you of the past, and he notes that confidence is a beautiful look on you.

He knows that he’s staring, knows that his jaw has dropped and it’s bordering on inappropriate, but he can’t help himself. You’re embracing your body, no longer ashamed of the things you once considered flaws, and Ashton is proud. A small part of him, though, a part that surprises him, notes that he’s not looking at you because he’s proud of you. He’s looking at you because he likes what he sees and that sends a flurry of guilt swirling in the pit of his stomach.

He’s twenty years your senior and has known you for your entire life. He absolutely shouldn’t be looking at you in that way. However, he finds himself sneaking another glance before he returns his full attention to the conversation your parents are having.

“I’m just glad that she didn’t go to the beach with those hooligan friends of hers,” your dad huffs as he flips a burger and shakes his head. “Didn’t one of them fall off a balcony last year?”

“I don’t think you have much room to talk, man,” Ashton laughs as he pats his friend’s shoulder, “you weren’t the upstanding citizen you are now at her age.”

“Fuck off, Irwin.”

The three of them share a laugh at this, memories of their own debauchery filling their minds, before Elaine gestures to the beer in his hands. “Here, make sure he puts this on the grill and I’ll take these inside,” she offers, glancing pointedly at her husband.

Ashton nearly agrees, nearly hands her the case of beer, but when he spots you head into the kitchen, he decides against it. “Don’t worry about it, I’ll take them inside. You’re better at convincing him to do things than I am, anyway. Do you need me to bring anything out?”

“There’s a plate of tomatoes and lettuce for the burgers on the counter. If you could grab that on your way out, I’d appreciate it,” she nods, a grateful smile on her lips, before she returns her attention to her husband.

Ashton watches the pair of them for a moment, the twinge of guilt getting a bit stronger, before he shakes it off and steps around the group surrounding the grill to enter the kitchen. As he expected, you’re sitting on the island, cell phone in one hand and a wine cooler in the other. He knows that you’ve retreated to the safety of the kitchen because your parents don’t like for you to drink at home, even if you’re old enough, and that you felt the need to chug alcohol to deal with the neighbors whose less than progressive politics have long pissed you off.

He smiles at this, smiles at the familiarity, but the spell of nostalgia is broken as a low moan echoes through the kitchen. He blinks, surprised, before he realizes that the sound is coming from your phone. He raises an eyebrow, certain that you’re not watching porn in public, and allows his curiosity to get the better of him as he steps around the back of the island and glances over your shoulder.

Snapchat, an app that you’ve explained to him a few times but he’s never really cared to learn, is open on your phone and he watches you click on a message from someone he recognizes as one of your roommates. The image is of the girl, who he assumes is your roommate, dressed in a bikini far more scandalous than your own and pressed between two guys with a caption reading, “Pray for me. Nothing is wrong, I just won’t be able to walk tomorrow.”

He watches you giggle, a giddy smile on your lips, before you take a sip of your drink and shake your head. You tap the screen to move to the next message and a short video plays. Your roommate, now completely bare, is standing in what looks to be a bathroom with one of the guys on his knees, face between her legs and hands wrapped around her thighs, one of which is wrapped around his shoulders, as the other gropes her breasts and nips at her neck.

Ashton blinks, surprised by the messages and by the company that you keep, but is unable to look away as you respond with a snap of your bare legs and a message reading, “Wish I was there. :(“

He knows that he shouldn’t be eavesdropping, knows that he should just mind his own business, place the beer in the fridge, and go back to the party, but he feels frozen to the spot. He doesn’t think he could bring himself to move, even if he wanted to, but he finds, as he really thinks about it, that he doesn’t really want to.

“Livvie’s living her best life,” reads the message you send to the group chat he can only assume contains all of your friends, “fucking two babes at the beach? Lucky bitch.”

“She’s the only one of us getting lucky,” comes a response, “the rest of these dudes are mega creeps.”

“At least there’s potential,” you return, fingers flying across the keyboard, “I’m stuck in Boringville with my parents and a ton of old people.”

“Your dad’s friends are hot,” someone replies, “fuck one of them.”

“Fuck Ashton!” another chimes in, “No wife, no problem.”

Ashton wasn’t aware that your friends knew who he was but he realizes that you must’ve mentioned him at some point, must’ve shown them a picture, and he’s both flattered and a bit curious to see how you’ll respond to their recommendation. He’s waiting for you to tell them that that’s a stupid idea, that you’d never sleep with him, but the response that you type out has him gripping the counter.

“I would in a fucking heartbeat,” you return, “I haven’t seen him yet, though. Don’t know if he’s coming.”

Ashton feels his breath catch in his throat as he reads your message. He hadn’t been expecting that, not in the slightest, and he knows that he should stop reading before this conversation goes any farther, but the twitch of his cock, the arousal pooling in the pit of his stomach, has him desperate to keep reading.

“Go to him, then. Fuck it. Live your best life, girl. Tell him you’ve gotten off to thinking about fucking him before, that’ll boost his ego,” one friend instructs.

“Tell him that you want him to call you princess while he raws you,” another advises, sending a string of laughing emojis and a crown.

The thought of doing just that, of calling you princess and filling you with his cum, is something that he’s never thought about. He’s never considered you in any way other than as his friend’s daughter, but as his eyes rake over your body, a few droplets of water still dripping from the strings of your bathing suit top down your sides, he can see it. He can see that you’re not the little girl he once knew, that you’re a different person than you were even a year ago, and he finds himself curious to get to know you.

“He’s my dad’s best friend,” you return, laughing at the stupidity of your friends and drawing him back to the present. “He’s known me my entire life. He wouldn’t fuck me even if I was the last girl on earth.”

“You’re stupid hot, he’s a man; of course he would,” a friend points out. “Get on your knees, tell him you can deepthroat him, and watch him melt. Men are easy.”

Ashton knows that he should agree with you, knows that he shouldn’t even entertain the fantasy because you’re his best friend’s daughter, but, fuck. Your friend is right. You’re beautiful, even more so now that you’re embracing your body and are comfortable in your own skin, and the thought of you choking on his cock has the blood rushing to his cock. He feels arousal pooling in the pit of his stomach and he knows that he needs to leave the kitchen. He knows that he needs to step away from you, to think with his brain instead of his cock, so he places the beer on the counter and grabs the tray of lettuce and tomatoes without glancing at you to see if you noticed him.

He imagines that you’re so engrossed in your conversation that you don’t, imagines that you’re so caught up in giggling about the things your friends are saying and sharing fantasies you don’t imagine will ever come true, that you don’t notice his presence and he’s right. He manages to slip out of the kitchen undetected and hands your mother the plate before excusing himself. He decides to hide in the pool until the semi he’s sporting goes down, decides to just sit in the shallow end and wait for his heart to stop beating so quickly, but that plan goes to shit when you emerge from the kitchen and head straight for him.

“Ashton!” you squeal, eyes lighting up as soon as you see him. “Hi!”

You don’t hesitate to barrel into the pool and throw yourself at him, pulling him into a hug as soon as you reach him, and he returns it just as enthusiastically. Ashton is seated on the steps of the pool, the water barely reaching his mid-stomach, and you don’t think twice about taking a seat on his lap. Although you have a crush on him, although you’ve always had a crush on him, you never imagined it would be reciprocated and never really saw anything wrong with showing him physical affection.

Ashton, while used to this affection from you, is still reeling from reading your conversation. He knows that he shouldn’t act on his impulses, knows that he should nudge you away and remind you how this could look, but everyone in the neighborhood knows just how close Ashton is to your family and knows that he’s a good person, that he’d never do anything inappropriate.

But he doesn’t know that himself.

“Hi, princess,” he breathes as you keep your arms around his neck and grin at him. “How’d your parents get you home for the Fourth?”

Ashton can see the flicker of arousal in your eyes as he calls you princess, can see the brief motion of your thighs as you resist squeezing them together for some sort of friction, and he feels his willpower wearing thin. He wants to tell you that he’d give you whatever you want. He always has and this will be no different. But he knows that that’s a terrible idea.

However, as you shift on his lap and your chest is pressed awfully close to his body, your heat radiating into him, he thinks that maybe it wouldn’t be so bad, after all. No one would ever have to know. Even if you told your friends, which he imagines you would, they wouldn’t tell your parents. And you’re an adult now, capable of making your own decisions, and you clearly decided that you’d like to fuck him.

As you answer his question with a story about your parents earning your commitment before your friends could solidify their plans, his hands drift to your thighs. His fingers brush your skin, swirling water around you both, and you pout at him. “I love being home but I’d rather be at the beach.”

“Yeah,” he nods, debating whether he should go for it. However, when you curl into his chest and glance at him from beneath your lashes, pout on your lips, he decides that he’s already going to hell for thinking about it, might as well have fun with it. “Your friend looked like she was having fun,” he hums, his voice low as his hands drift just a little higher.

You blink, momentarily confused, before you suck in a sharp breath. “You saw that?” you question, frowning slightly as you attempt to read the look on his face. “You’re not going to tell my parents, are you?”

“No, princess,” he hums, voice quiet to match yours and this time he does catch the clenching of your thighs as soon as the nickname spills past your lips, “I won’t tell them. But I want you to tell me something.” When you nod, eyes wide and eager, he asks, “What you told your friends, is that true?”

At this point, you glance around the yard in a desperate attempt to see if anyone is watching the pair of you. Although you’re paranoid, anxious that someone will catch you, no one notices anything out of the ordinary. No one gives either of you a second glance so you return your gaze to Ashton and ask, “Which part?”

Ashton knows that you’re playing coy, knows that you’re just trying to make sure you’re on the same page, and he’s always been one to indulge you. So he pulls you just a little closer, maintaining just enough distance to keep anyone from getting suspicious, and breathes, “That you would fuck me. That you want me to call you princess as I fuck you raw. Was that true?”

Your heart is beating a million miles a minute, threatening to pound out of your chest, and you’re half afraid that he’s going to tell your parents just what you and your friends talk about. You’re half-afraid that this is some sort of joke, that he’s going to tell you that your fantasies are disgusting and that you shouldn’t be thinking about him in that way, but, a small part of you, the little bit of your brain that is hopeful, tells you that this is him making sure you want the same thing he does. This is him making sure that the pair of you are on the same page and that you’re just as interested in fucking him as he is you.

So you nod. You nod and quietly breathe, “Yes, yeah. The other part was true, too, that I can deepthroat you. I would, if you wanted me to.”

You’re so eager for him and Ashton is beyond surprised. He’s never seen this side of you, never imagined he would, and he takes a moment to take it all in as his hands drift just a little higher. His fingers play with the band of your bikini bottoms, toy with the elastic at the juncture of your thighs, before he very lightly, barely any pressure at all, brushes his fingers over the crotch. “I could just pull your bikini bottoms to the side,” he hums, voice low as his eyes scan your face for any sign of discomfort, “I could unzip my shorts and you could sit on my cock right here in front of everyone and no one would notice. But where’s the fun in that?”

Ashton catches the whimper that leaves your lips, catches the way you bite your lip and the way your nails dig into his shoulders, and he grins at you. “Don’t worry, princess,” he nearly whispers, his hands returning to your thighs, “that’s not a no. That’s not right now. When everyone starts to leave to get ready for the fireworks, you can come to my place. Until then, be a good girl. Wouldn’t want anyone else seeing those messages, would we?”

When you shake your head, Ashton mumbles a quiet, “Good girl,” and carefully nudges you off his lap. He’s harder now than he was before but this time he has the excuse of wrapping a towel around his waist to keep himself covered. He knows that he has to get out of the water before he loses anymore of his willpower, before he does something to get you both caught, so he gently squeezes your shoulder and climbs out of the pool as quickly as he can and hastily wraps the towel around his waist.

The three hours between Ashton agreeing to fulfill your fantasies and the party ending are the longest in your life. Your group chat has been blowing up with message since you sent, “Uh. Spoiler alert, Ashton does want to fuck me. I’m sneaking over to his place in a bit. How do I tell this man that I want him to absolutely wreck me?” Each message is crazier than the last, each begs for every detail and some even beg for pictures. You find yourself watching Ashton as he mingles with neighbors and, to your surprise, find that he’s watching you, too.

Every time you meet his gaze, he sends you a flirty wink or a smoldering gaze that sets your entire body on fire. You can feel the anticipation threatening to overwhelm you, you can feel the arousal pooling between your thighs, and you want nothing more than to just have him take you then and there, decentness and politeness be damned. However, the moment the party is over and Ashton is gone from your backyard, you tell your parents that you’re going to go for a run before the fireworks show and attempt to slip out the door before anyone can stop you.

You do your best to slip into Ashton’s house unnoticed by any of the neighbors and, even if someone noticed, you’re certain that they wouldn’t think anything of it. However, the knowledge of what’s going to happen has you cautious of every move you make. You feel as if everyone can read your intentions on your face and, while you don’t really care what people think of you, you know that if anyone finds out, Ashton’s the one that’s going to take the brunt of the criticism.

When you step into the house and lock the front door behind you, you turn to find an amused Ashton sitting at the bar, watching you. He’s got a grin on his lips and a beer bottle in hand as he sits there, t-shirt abandoned and board shorts hanging dangerously low on his hips. The tattoos that he’s collected over the years have aged beautifully, all of him has, and you want nothing more than to rake your nails down the expanse of his chest.

You’re not sure what to say, not sure what to do in this situation, so you settle for, “Hi,” and remain in your spot by the door.

Ashton studies you for a moment, attempts to read the look on your face, and when he reads the bit of apprehension, he holds his hand out and motions for you to get closer to him. “Come here, princess,” he hums as he places his bottle onto the counter and holds his arms open for you. When you settle between his spread thighs and wrap your arms around his middle, pressing your cheek against his chest, he hums, “We don’t have to do this. If you’re not comfortable, if this is weird, we can just forget this happened. That’s okay with me.”

“I am comfortable!” you assure him quickly. “I do want this. I just, you make me nervous,” you admit quietly. “I’ve wanted you for so long. This is so embarrassing,” you mumble, “but I’m going to tell you anyway. The first time I ever came, I was touching myself and thinking about you. I want this. I want you.”

Ashton is surprised to hear this, surprised to hear you speak so bluntly, but he appreciates the honesty and the assurance. So, he nods. “I believe you,” he laughs, hands moving to brush your hair away from your face. “What do you want from me, princess? How do you want this to go? I don’t want to do anything you’re not comfortable with.”

“I want whatever you want,” you promise him. “I, um, when I was younger I overheard one of your girlfriends and my mom talking. She talked about some of the stuff that you were into and I’ve always thought it was hot. I don’t want you to baby me. I want you to treat me like you would any of your partners. Fuck me. Spank me. Tell me what to do. I’ll tell you if I’m uncomfortable with anything.”

Ashton stares at you for a long moment, studying the look on your face, but when he sees nothing but excitement and sincerity, he nods. “The minute you don’t like something, you tell me. Understood?” When you nod, he tangles his fingers in your hair and tugs at the strands. “I asked you a question, princess. I expect an answer. Do you understand me?”

“Yes, sir,” you whimper, biting back a moan at the feeling.

He hums his satisfaction, happy with your response, and feels his cock twitch at the use of ‘sir’ in your address. “Good,” he nods, “now, on your knees. Let me see how good you really are with your mouth.” Ashton watches, biting back a groan of arousal, as you sink to your knees readily. He watches you place your hands on your thighs, waiting for his instruction, and leaves you in suspense for a moment as he drains the rest of his beer. As soon as the bottle is empty, he stands from his seat and steps out of his board shorts. He kicks them away from the pair of you and takes pride in the way your eyes widen and your tongue darts out to lick your lips at the sight of his cock.

You’ve always known that he would be big and you’re proven correct as you watch him grip his cock and slowly jerk it. “Fuck, princess,” he hums as he steps close enough for him to feel your breath on the head of his cock, “you look so pretty on your knees, so willing to take me. You gonna be a good girl and let me fuck your mouth? Let me shove my cock down your throat?”

“Yes, sir,” you whimper, unable to help yourself as you watch him brush the bead of pre-cum with his thumb.

“Good. Open your mouth.”

Ashton feels any thoughts of anything other than how good you feel leave his mind as he slips his cock into your mouth. He starts off slow, careful not to hurt you, as he places his hand on the back of your head and begins to sink deeper and deeper. Your hands remain on your thighs and he can see you itching to move them, itching to touch him or yourself, and he can see you shifting to gain some sort of friction as you allow him to completely control the pace.

When he pulls away to let you take a breath, you remind him, “I can take it, Ash, please. Don’t go easy on me.”

He hesitates for a moment, thinks about it, but when he sees the pleading look in your eyes and the way you’re staring up at him from beneath your lashes, the perfect epitome of sin with spit coated lips, he decides to go for it. He doesn’t hesitate as he shoves his cock back into your mouth, his hand on the back of your head pushing you down farther as you dig your nails into your thighs.

Ashton is impressed. He tries not to think too hard about how much practice this has taken, tries to imagine that you’re a natural, but, no matter the case, you’re able to take all of him as he fucks your mouth. He sets a harsh pace, thrusting quickly, and groans at the sounds of you choking on his cock. You’re entirely compliant, willing to take whatever he gives you, and he decides that two orgasms isn’t such a stretch for him today. He wants you, wants this, so he takes the opportunity he’s been given and cums in your mouth.

Part of him assumes you’ll spit, part of him assumes you’ll be angry at him, but you swallow what you’re given and hold your tongue out for proof of a job well done.

“Who knew my little princess was such a little slut?” he questions as he grabs your arm and tugs you to your feet. “You enjoyed that, didn’t you, princess?” When you nod, your answer immediate, Ashton slips his hand down your shorts and raises an eyebrow at you when he finds that your bikini bottoms have been removed. “No underwear?”

“Easy access,” you shrug, a small smile on your lips as you wait for him to touch you.

Ashton stares at you for a moment, contemplating what to do with you, before he decides on a course of action. “Clothes off, princess. Bend over the table, hands gripping the edge. I’ll be right back. Don’t you dare move,” he orders before he turns you in the direction of the table and places a stinging slap to your ass.

You’re quick to follow his instructions. You’re wary that his dining room faces your home and even though the blinds are closed and the curtains are drawn, a chill of anxiety pricks at your nerves as you strip out of your tank top and shorts and bend over the edge of the table.

You’ve sat here many times, sat in this dining room and ate or listened to your parents talk with Ashton, but you never could’ve imagined that this would be your fate. That Ashton would be fucking you over the same table he once helped you with a history assignment at is mind-blowing.

True to his word, Ashton is only gone for a moment. To his pleasant surprise, you’re exactly as he wanted you. Your hands are gripping the edge of the table, your shorts and tank top lying in a pile on one of the chairs, and he admires you for a moment. He can see the slick coating your cunt, can see the arousal between your legs, and he doesn’t hesitate to slip his hand between your thighs as he approaches you.

“What’s got you this wet, princess?” he asks as he drops the condom onto the table.

“You, sir,” you whimper as his fingers brush your folds, avoiding your clit and your entrance with every swipe. “I want you so bad.”

Ashton hums at that. He pretends to give it some thought, pretends to consider it, before he slips two fingers into your entrance and closes his eyes when he feels just how tight you are. “Fucking hell,” he breathes before he can stop himself. “You’re so tight, princess. Gonna feel so good.”

He listens to you breathe a sigh of pleasure, feels you shift beneath him as he drapes himself over your back, and it’s the best sound he’s ever heard. Listening to you, feeling just how much you want him, is almost too much for him to take. As he scissors his fingers in an effort to open you up, he notices that you’re desperately attempting to keep yourself from rocking back onto his fingers. He notices that you’re gripping the table harshly, nails scratching at the wood, and he’s proud of your restraint.

“Ashton, please,” you whine as his thumb circles your clit, rubbing tight circles onto the bundle of nerves, “please just fuck me. You can do whatever you want to me later, just take me now.”

He isn’t sure how you mean that statement, isn’t sure if you mean it at all, but he relents. He always does, always gives you exactly what you want, and this situation is no different. As he continues working you open, he reaches for the condom and rips it open with his teeth. He manages to roll it on with one hand and, when his cock is fully sheathed, removes his fingers from your heat.

You whine at the feeling of emptiness, desperate for him to make you cum, but you’re not left empty for more than a second before he’s got the head of his cock positioned at your entrance. He starts off slow and you find yourself feeling grateful for that as the stretch of him proves to be an adjustment. You can feel every drag of his cock against your walls, can feel the stretch of him sinking into you, and you don’t hesitate to moan at the feeling of him.

Ashton himself bites back a groan as he feels just how tight you are around him. It’s bordering on painful, the squeeze of your walls around his cock, but he doesn’t really care as he sinks into you. You feel like heaven, tight and warm, and he has to still as he fully sheathes himself inside of you so he doesn’t cum far too quickly.

You find that nothing has to be said as Ashton fucks you. He seems to know exactly when you want him to go harder, seems to know exactly when you want faster, and it leaves you in awe of how in tune with your body he already is. He can tell, just by the way you whine, what you want and you’ve never had a partner who was even half as perceptive as him. You imagine that it’s his age, that it’s the experience, but you don’t dwell on it as he fucks into you. His pace is quick, his hips snapping against yours roughly, as he returns his fingers to your clit.

You’re almost embarrassed at how quickly he manages to push you over the edge, almost embarrassed at just how fast he makes you cum, but you can’t really bring yourself to care as the most powerful orgasm you’ve ever had crashes over you. Ashton moves to pull away, moves to keep from overstimulating you, but you reach for his hand and keep him in place. “I’m okay, promise, I can take it. Please,” you whimper, pleasure still clouding your brain as you beg him to finish inside of you.

Ashton hesitates for a moment before the need to cum outweighs his better judgement. As you lie beneath him, moans freely tumbling past your lips, he chases his orgasm and breathes a quiet, “Fuck,” when he does. He stills inside of you, pauses to catch his breath, before he pulls out and disposes of the condom. He helps you stand, steadies you when your legs shake, and stares at you for a moment before he cups your cheeks and leans in to pull you into a kiss.

Although he’d just fucked you, the kiss feels far more intimate than any act of passion. It’s careful, delicate, and full of everything left unsaid between the two of you. Neither of you know what will happen next, neither of you has thought that far ahead, and though you’re both worried about the future, a lingering spark of hope in the back of your mind tells you that everything will be okay.

Maybe, just maybe, things will turn out fine.

_______________________________________________________________________

Author’s Note: What is it with me an older men? I thought about titling this Daddy Issues but figured that would be inappropriate.

2K notes · View notes

tyranttortoise · 4 years

Note

Dude, what happened to you and your scooter?? Was it a car crash? How are you now? And you said you are not doing well mentally right now, is that a depression? Just.... talk to us. It's not all about UT after all, we're worried about YOU too, you know? If you feel like sharing with us, please do. If you don't feel like opening up - then sure, that's your decision, it's public internet after all. Just know that in whatever case people care for you (even anonymous lurkers like me). XXX

This ask really warmed my heart. (.... And I put a heart here, and it ate everything else I wrote in this paragraph, so lemme try again. ) It really means a lot to me that you’d reach out like this, anon. xx Seriously, thank you for asking about me. I’m happy to share the grisly details of that scooter wreck with you guys!

You guys ready for story time?

This ended up being stupid long, so I’m sticking it all under a cut.

Also, trigger warnings for blood and a picture of a cut at the end.

Okay, so the scooter was one of those Lyft scooters you guys may’ve seen around. It’s basically a taller razor scooter with a motor on it – the kind you stand on, not sit. It’s got a QR code that you scan with the app that activates the scooter, you pay by the minute, and you leave it anywhere on a sidewalk as long as you take a picture to deactivate it.

I’d never seen one before. This was in Atlanta, which is a rather big city, and I saw people riding these scooters everywhere. I even passed a couple that looked almost as old as my parents riding them together with shopping bags on the handles, so I thought, This is perfectly safe.

I was out killing time before a concert (Taking Back Sunday/Red City Radio) by hunting pokemon in pokemon go with Ant, and we saw the parked scooters on the way back to our hotel. We only had a few blocks to go, so we started checking them out, downloaded the app, and gave them a try.

We started off riding them uphill, which is where I went wrong. I didn’t think they had any power; everyone I’d seen had been barely going, after all. So, I turned the accelerator all the way and even had to kick off with my foot like a regular scooter to get it to make it to the top of the hill.

The moment the sidewalk leveled out, however, the scooters shot off. Holy shit, they started to fly! Ant was way ahead of me, and I started calling out about how it was going way too fast, and I squeezed the brake in a panic. The scooter instantly started to wobble, and I put my foot off to catch my balance, but… the scooter was still going, so as soon as my foot touched the sidewalk, I was propelled off my feet and forward toward the sidewalk in prime face-plant position.

I was still holding onto the scooter with both hands, and it happened so quickly that I didn’t have time to let go; I didn’t break my fall, but I did turn my body slightly. (Later, I’d text my boss that I “hit the streets of Atlanta last night… with my face!” He wasn’t amused.) I hit the ground and the scooter kept flying down the sidewalk sideways. Apparently, my side hit first and my ribs took the entire impact from how fast I was going. My knees hit, too, because all of the skin was pretty much gone from them (and I still have huge bruises on both of them right now), my elbow was bloody, and I guess the bottom of my palm got scraped across the sidewalk because it was cut open.

I remember pushing myself up and thinking that my head was throbbing. The first thing I noticed was that my glasses were broken; I could see them lying in front of me, smashed to bits and missing their lenses. “My glasses are broken, damn,” I remember announcing. “And I think I hit my head.”

My forehead was warm, and my vision was clouding in my left eye. “Oh. I’m bleeding. I cut my forehead open,” I narrated while Ant grabbed my shoulders tried to inspect the damage. However, he was too busy panicking to really look, and started crying and apologizing over and over, while I was the calm one.

My glasses had cut my forehead and eyebrow when they broke.

Blood was pouring from my head. I kept having to blink the blood out of my eye and hold my head forward to clear my vision. I put my hands over it, but it kept filling up my palms and spilling down my forearms. “Fuck, this is a lot of blood, but it is a head wound. It’s gonna bleed. Let’s move.”

So, we move toward the buildings, off to the side of the sidewalk, leaving our scooters there. Ant is still freaking out, but he has the peace of mind to deactivate the scooters (though forgets to take a picture of them, so we both end up with $40 bills later that Lyft thankfully refunded really quickly. By the time I realized he didn’t finish deactivating them, I went to the take a picture of the scooter screen and just took a selfie of me all bloody in the ER. We got the money back within half an hour.).

“I need to go to the hospital because this is going to need stitches.” I can’t even see the cut, but if it’s bleeding this much, I know it’s gotta be something I need sewn up. “Do we call an ambulance?”

“Maybe you won’t need stitches. Head wounds bleed, so it might not be that bad. It’s just… too bloody for me to see the cut. Let’s walk back to our hotel, and you can clean up there?”

I snort, gesturing to my arms. At this point, both of my arms are purple with blood. I literally look like I stepped out of a horror movie and got stabbed or something. It looks like I just dipped both arms into a barrel of blood to the elbow and then yanked them out. I’m wearing all black, so you can’t tell that it’s on my clothes as much, but the gray logo on the front of my shirt is dark red. “I’m not walking down the streets like this, much less our hotel. I’d scare people.”

“If we need to go to the hospital, I’ll just drive you there.”

I only said ambulance initially because I wasn’t sure how to walk to a hospital covered in blood, and there’s also no way I’m going to walk through our hotel like this and wait in the underground garage for the valet to get his car.

“No way. We could Uber, but I can’t go in there like this. I need to get cleaned up.”

There’s an Aloft hotel directly across the street, and we both glance over there. ��You could use the bathroom in that hotel,” he suggests, and I scoff.

“There’s a lot of people around there… They’d start screaming or call 911 if I walked in. Why don’t you just go grab me some wet and dry paper towels?”

“You’re gonna stay out here by yourself?”

“I’ll hide. Just hurry.”

So, yeah, I’m still actively bleeding all over the place when he runs across the street, but I hide behind a pillar, crouch down so maybe people won’t notice me, and pull out a compact mirror/brush combination (the one that Viv gave me in Alaska, actually!) This is the first time I get a look at myself, and shit, my face is covered in blood, and it’s pretty much turned my blonde hair pink. I decide to try to brush the blood out, which just spreads it around and ends up yanking giant pink tangles out. I try to get a look at the cut, but I can’t see it well past the blood, and every time I let go of it, it just pours out in a rush. So, I start holding my sleeve against it, but that doesn’t help.

Ant comes running back with his pockets stuffed with paper towels just as a random woman peers around my pillar.

“Are you okay?!” she shouts, horrified.

Shit.

I haven’t cleaned myself off, and I let go of my forehead to turn and wave a dismissive hand with the biggest, most manic grin I’ve probably ever had plastered on my face. “I’m fine! I just had a little fall, that’s all!”

She recoils a little, looking even more concerned. “Do you need me to call 911?”

“Oh, no, no, no need for that! I’m going to clean off and then Uber to the hospital, but thank you!”

She looks dubious. “Okay. I just didn’t want to walk away when I saw you.”

“Thank you for your concern, but I’m all right!”

So when she leaves, I proceed to start scrubbing the blood off my arms first, and then the side of my face. There’s no helping my hair; my bangs are sticking straight up, matted into a ball. Ant helps, and then I ball the rest of the dry paper towels up and hold it to my head. I’ve still got some blood here and there on me, but it’s enough that walking down the streets of Atlanta won’t be too bad.

We walk to the end of the block and get an Uber. It shows up fairly quickly, and I slip into the backseat without trying to draw attention to myself. But after about a block, the driver asks if we’re visiting someone at the hospital; obviously, he hasn’t looked at me yet.

“Nah, we had an accident,” Ant nervously answers, and I meet the driver’s gaze through the rear-view mirror.

“Are you… Are you bleeding?!”

“Yeah, but don’t worry. I cleaned up; it won’t be on your backseat.”

At least he has leather seats, but honestly, I don’t think there’s any blood on the back of my pants, and I’m sitting forward so I’m not touching anything else. I’m trying to be considerate but damn, I need this Uber.

The driver is worried about just that, and he keeps glancing back at me. He’s driving faster now, eager to get me out of his car. He runs a red light, and I grip the side handle, muttering curses under my breath.

The hospital wasn’t far, but he still stops a full block from it and tells us to get out, and “Good luck!” before he speeds off. It takes a bit of walking to figure out which part of the massive hospital leads into the ER, and it’s with all of this walking that I realize I’m hurting, and it’s not just my head. My ribs feel like fire. Gingerly I press on them and wince. Shit. They’re either bruised or broken.

I’ll worry about that later; right now, I want my head sewn up so I can leave.

As soon as we entered the ER, there was a security guard sitting by the metal detector. I handed him my purse, but when he noticed there was blood all over it, he just asked me to open it so he can shine his flashlight inside. “What happened, sweetheart? Did you have a fall?” he asked, the picture of concern.

“I fell off one of those scooters,” I replied, and his face automatically changed.

“When will you learn?” he said sternly. “I hope this taught you something.”

… The… fuck?

“I’ve never seen one of those before,” I countered. “I didn’t know.”

He scoffs and waves me through, shaking his head and muttering about the damn scooters. I’m pissed off now, and Ant has to lead me to the counter. Since I don’t have my glasses, everything just looks like blobs until I get close, and the signs might as well not even have writing on them. It’s disorienting, and I hate it.

At the front desk, as soon as I say I fell off a scooter, the women react the same way. “You should’ve known better,” one of them chides, and I keep repeating that I had no idea it went that fast. I feel like a child.

“You could’ve been hurt,” the other one insists, and I dumbly stare. Why do they think I’m here?

Ant fills out the basic patient information sheet for me and hands it back, while I go into the bathroom to clean up. The door doesn’t lock, so I have to get him to stand outside of it. I try to wash the blood out of my hair, but I’m only mildly successful. I do get to wash the rest of the blood from my arms and face, though, so that’s something. I roll my pants up to assess my knees, and they’re skint up and bloody, but I know from the way I can move them that there’s nothing wrong with them. The cut on my palm burns like hell, but it’s okay, and my elbow is just skint up, too.

After half an hour, a nurse comes and wordlessly tapes some gauze to my forehead without really looking at the cut. Then, I’m called back to the triage area where they take my vitals and ask what happened and what’s hurt. I’m sat’ing 100, so I know that my ribs didn’t puncture a lung or anything, so I decide they’re fine.

About an hour after that, I get called back, and it’s then that I realize I haven’t signed a consent for treatment. I ask the nurse about it, he tells me that I don’t need one signed beforehand for where I’m going.

We end up in the trauma section, and I’m surprised. “I’m a trauma?” He nods. “What, a level three?” Another absent nod as he tries to figure out where to put me. A level three means there’s nothing possibly life-threatening about my injuries, but that I’ve sustained an injury that needs to be seen before a standard patient, basically.

It’s then that I realize just how busy this ER is. There were over 60 normal rooms we passed, and this trauma bay alone has 20 rooms, with four rooms for dire cases. To put it in perspective, I work in an enormous hospital, and our trauma bay only has four rooms.

All 20 rooms must be full because there’s a man with an obviously broken leg on a stretcher just out in the hallway. I get lead around the corner, and then the nurse pulls a chair out and has me sit in the hall.

Over the course of the next two hours, several different people come to see me, and I can’t tell which of them is my nurse or doctor. Mostly, they just peel the gauze away from my face to look at the cut, and when I first asked if it was going to need stitches, I just got laughter as a response.

A nurse was making rounds with a student and stopped in front of me at one point. “This one didn’t have the sense to not get on a scooter,” she told the student, and I shouted back that they don’t have them where I’m from.

“You could’ve been hurt,” the student said, and I’m begin to wonder what their definition of hurt is if I’m sitting in a trauma bay.

“Mmhmm. Bet you won’t do that again,” the nurse chuckles, and then leads her away.

“What the fuck is wrong with this place?” Ant asks, standing beside me; they didn’t offer him a chair, so he’s been awkwardly shifting his weight from foot to foot this entire time.

A doctor comes to examine me in the hall, pressing on my neck and squeezing my arms. I have to roll my skinny jeans up to show him my knees, but he claims if I’ve been walking, they must be fine. He asks if I have any other injuries, and I think about the fact that my ribs hurt whenever I breathe – but I’m tired of this place, pissed off, and I wanna go home. So, I tell him no. Someone comes up and offers me a tetanus shot, but I turn that down, too.

Another hour later, a resident comes to tell me that he’s going to sew up my eyebrow if he can get a room. I don’t need a head CT, but he’s worried I may have ripped the membrane covering my skull, so he said he’s going to feel it before he sews it up, but “Don’t worry, we’ll numb you up so you won’t feel a thing.”

When he finally gets a room, he’s antsy, trying to move quick. We’re in one of the large, critical care bays, one of the rooms where they bring the most serious cases. He’s wearing a walkie-talkie that’s giving trauma reports, which is weird to me because I wear a pager for mine at work.

“I’ve gotta irrigate that wound, but I don’t know how to do it without pouring water all over you.”

“Honestly, if you could get some more of it in my hair, you’d be doing me a favor.”

“I don’t think that’s coming out that easily.”

He put chucks around my neck and has me lean back while he pours sterile water directly into the cut. This was honestly the worst part; I have a pretty solid tolerance for pain, but I found myself squeezing Ant’s arm and trying not to cry.

The resident’s walkie-talkie goes off, reporting a two-car collision, and both of the drivers are coming as level one traumas – which means they’re life-threatening. I’m definitely getting kicked out of this room, and he knows it, too.

“Shit. Okay. Okay, it’s still got a bit before it’ll be here. I can probably still sew you up, so let’s try. But first, we have to check that membrane I mentioned, and ah… I need an attending to double-check me.”

He steps out to grab another doctor, and this one takes one look at me and grins. “You’re going to have one hell of a black eye, girlie.”

“Black eye?” I’m starting to panic. “I can’t have a black eye at work. Are you sure?”

He scoffs. “Absolutely. It’s going to look gnarly. But hey, let’s see if you have a tear.” He holds up the blunt end of a Q-tip, and I recoil a little. I know he’s about to jam that directly into my cut.

“Wasn’t I told I’d be numbed up first?”

“No time with 2 level one’s coming. You knew the risk when you got on the scooter.”

“Why does everyone keep sayin–ahhhh!”

He sticks the blunt end directly into the cut, and then drags it across my freaking skull, up under the skin. It doesn’t hurt as much as the irrigation did, but I still suck in a hiss of air and wince.

“All right, so it didn’t snag, and that means you’re probably good.” He starts explaining it to the resident, while I just mouth fucking hell to Ant.

To make a long story short because this is starting to get out of hand, I get sewn up partway, the trauma comes, so we have to go back into the hall, and the resident breaks sterile procedure without changing gloves, so I ask for that tetanus shot after all. He finishes up my stitches in the hall, although keeps saying that he wants to see the trauma, while I keep insisting he needs to finish what he started. The attending is supposed to review his work, but an hour and a half pass without a sign of the doctor, so the resident comes back to tell me it’s probably fine and slaps some gauze over the stitches. I’m also told it’ll scar, but not to worry because “eyebrow scars are badass.”

“There’s always an eyebrow scar in any character creation mode, so now you can pick that,” Ant helpfully supplies.

Fast forward a bit. I didn’t get any pain killers, but I had some left from where I got a wisdom tooth out the month before. To put it in perspective, when I got that tooth out, I only took a half of one (it wasn’t anything hard because it was one tooth, so don’t worry; it was basically powerful tylenol that makes you drowsy). But the day after the wreck, I took three. My ribs were killing me, breathing hurt, my head was pounding, and bending my legs was agony. Everything hurt, so I called into work for the first time in eight years and just laid on the couch.

I could only get one day off, so I went in after, and desperately tried to cover up my black eye with makeup. I’ll have to post some pictures below or something because I think I actually did a good job. A few days later, I decided to x-ray my ribs because they were getting worse. I thought that at the most, I’d squint at them and wonder if they might be broken, but when the image popped up, my coworkers and I gasped. It was obvious breaks, and both of my floated ribs had the ends broken off completely, just hanging out below them.

You can’t do much for broken ribs. You can get them wrapped if they’re bad enough, and in some extreme cases, some hardware can get put on them, but that’s pretty rare. It’s just something that heals on its own if you take it easy. I knew that, but I still went to my primary doctor a couple of weeks later because they were only getting worse, and I wanted to see if I could get some time approved off work. Plus, I was kinda scared the broken pieces wouldn’t reattach.

Long story short, I got patronized a bit. She repeated the xrays of my ribs after I showed her they were broken, and also ordered an xray of my orbit (which the xray tech didn’t know how to do because that’s not something you typically get at a doctor’s office, so she had me xray myself). When I asked the doctor why she wanted to xray my face – “There’s nothing you can do about a fracture there, right? It just heals on it’s own?” – she replied with, “Yeah, but so do rib fractures, and yet you’re still here, aren’t you?”

Even the xray tech told me, “You know you can’t do anything for broken ribs.” when I was looking over my images. “You just have to take it easy.”

“I can’t,” I blurted, exasperated. My work is mostly physical; I lift patients and push machines around all day, and it hurt like hell.

The doctor asked me if I looked at the xrays, and if I thought I saw a fracture. “You tell me?” I asked, and she shrugged.

“Oh, I can’t read xrays. You see more of them than me, so I figured you’d be able to tell. But I mean, it looks like your sixth rib is really broken bad.”

“Sixth?” The middle one? It’d been hurting like hell, and I had a suspicion that it was broken. “You could see it, too?”

“Oh yeah, that piece was way off.”

“Piece? You mean the very bottom one?” She nods. “The… 12th rib?”

“Yeah, 6th, 12th, however many ribs you got in there.”

She was supposed to get the xrays read by a radiologist, but she never got back to me, so I just got one at work to check it out. Which is probably what I should’ve done in the first place. She couldn’t get me time off work, and she suggested I take ibuprofen for the pain, even though the last time I saw her, she told me not to take that anymore because I have a stomach ulcer. When I reminded her of that, she shrugged and said, “What would you rather have? Nausea or pain?”

…. I don’t think I’ll be seeing her again.

ANYWAY, I ended up tanking all of my vacation days to scrounge almost two weeks off work after a particularly busy day there made it get so bad that I physically couldn’t get out of bed, and that got me healed up for the most part. And by then, some friends flew in to stay with me for a while, so they just let me be lazy and heal, and it really helped. I had a black eye for a month straight, but it finally went away, and now the only lasting damage I have is a scar above my eyebrow, and still a good deal of pain in it. Like just brushing my fingertips over it still hurts, so I think it’s still a bit broken; it’s bigger than my other eyebrow, and it’s kinda got a knot if you feel over it. But all the other bones are healed now, so that’s pretty good.

I guess the people in the ER were right, though. I did learn my lesson, and I’m staying the hell away from scooters now.

For those of you outside of the US wondering about our healthcare system, this entire ordeal cost me about $600.

$200 for the new glasses because insurance wouldn’t cover a new pair until Feb, and I needed them right then.

$300 for the ER visit

& another $100 for the doctors group that saw me in the ER. I have the best insurance I can possibly get in my state, too, so this was just as cheap as it gets. It sucked, but lesson learned!

Here’s some pictures just to add to the story:

This was me right after I got the cut irrigated. You can still see some of the pink in my hair.

Here’s the next day, before the black eye had really set in. The cut’s been sewn up:

Here’s literally the day after that – and pretty much every day for two weeks, before it started to fade.

And here’s how I covered it up with makeup to go to work. I got good at it!

The glasses helped to hide the swelling, really.

Annnnd that’s the scooter tale. 8D

107 notes · View notes

iguessishouldbethankful · 4 years

Text

Sly Cooper 1 Review:

As in, I recently completed the game and since I was asked to, I will give my review on it. I’m a little nervous because this is the first time I’m doing this, so hopefully I’ll get this right.

KEEP IN MIND: I did not grow up with this series, and I am going in after @oroanillado gifted me the entire series for the PS3. I am a new fan who basically grew up on Nintendo products, so my views might come off differently.

ALSO: SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Onto the review.

0. Initial Reaction:::::::::::::::::::::::::

I was pretty surprised how the game collection required no download or installation. So that was a good little bonus as I could immediately sit down and play it without much of a wait. As for the starting point on top of the roof... lemmie say that Sly is adorable at first glance. His movements are fluid and it’s very satisfying to control him--especially the fact that he has a bass sound to his steps that is beyond addictive. I love it.

Not to mention the music is nice. Not exactly as memorable, but I can listen to it and it does give the area a feel.

And then Bentley opened his mouth. Whew boy. Okay. Rok heard my live commentary every time he opened his mouth, so it’ll be a theme. It wasn’t that bad at first though so it’s mostly me wanting to explore the Police Station. It’s mostly a tutorial level so it’s nothing impressive, just giving the feels.

When Carmelita showed up, like expected, I was stunned by two things: she owns an extra fancy taser gun, and that slow as fuck taser gun is able to cause the destruction of public and private property as a massive scale. Ma’am, can we talk? Can you not blow up the cars?? LADY-

As for the comic style animation? Yes, perfect. I was looking forward to it and was not disappointed. I love the cartoony look it gives to the whole world. Which is something else I noticed--the feel and look of the game is very much like the love child of Banjo Kazooie and Psychonauts. The colors and collectathon.

Also the character motivations for Sly, Bentley and Murray are believable. All are orphans, and Sly saw his family get killed but the bad guys and the family book of thieves stolen. Carmelita? Eh, wish I had more context to her but good cop trying to catch the robber is good enough.

Note: I had no idea Carmelita was actually someone that worked for Interpol. My dumbass thought she was just a French cop. The more you know.

As for the hub safehouse area, it’s simple and direct to the point.

Okay. We good? Now onto the levels.

1. Tide of Terror:::::::::::::::::::

Sly dies in one shot.

No. This was okay. I was determined to find out how I could get around this. I explored the initial open area, collecting the coins and trying to get the bottles because I knew that the point of the games was to collect all pages, right? So I needed the bottles to get the clues so Bentley could give me the code. Thing is, I ran into a few problems on the get go. BESIDES SLY BEING A ONE HIT WONDERBOY.

I didn’t know I could pimp whack enemies with the cane. So I see this walrus looking mofo just hammering away on a boat and I’m like... How do I not aggro this dude. Keep to myself, reach areas I new I could jump to, and... OH FUCK THERE ARE BOTTLES ON THAT BOAT GOD DAMN IT! Fine. Let’s sneak in. By sneak I mean run around the walrus and realize that the guy just sees me and hammers harder. What? Okay then he doesn’t chase me. Get the bottles, realize after 5 minutes that Sly’s pimp ass cane can in fact obliterate the ship’s pole to get the last bottle, before trying to confront the walrus.

So I died the first time. Then I smacked him. You know, for a one hit wonder as Sly is, I appreciate that the enemies are the same as well. That balanced everything out and not made it a colorful furry version of Dark Souls. So off I go. Up the ladder and jumping right into the second area where there are search lights. I’m like okay, let me go around these and--

WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE ROSE BUSH KILLED SLY?!

GOD DAMN IT!!

Yes, a lot of this happened. It has been a while since I played a colorful game like this and I a lot of this is simple designing that is obvious, but I am also someone that enjoys finding other ways to get around them. So many choices in the game seems nonsensical. A raccoon unable to brush by some thorn bushes was rather hilarious. I was basically fussing at full volume while Rok was laughing at me. Which was good, I meant to be hilarious.

I discovered the wonders that were the search lights and that they are easily turned off in the small sections. That I could in fact dodge most attacks from the minor enemy characters. Realized that this damn raccoon cannot swim to save his damn life. LITERALLY.

kjsdbkjsd And then I realized that I was missing quite a few bottles once I got to the end. I was frustrated. I wanted to get them all already. So I went back and tried figuring out how to get them and I SWEAR TO GOD I CANNOT EVEN LOOK AT THE SAFE WITHOUT BENTLEY GOING “YOU DON’T HAVE THE BOTTLES NEEDED TO OPEN IT U-”

Bro. Bro I know. Bro please.

Shut the fuck up.

Got the bottles and moved on. Found out that I absolutely adore Sly being in a barrel and wanted to take that barrel with me everywhere but I couldn’t. Realized that Sly puts come paper cuts outs of his emblem in opened up safes and--can we talk about this? Does Sly just sit in his room with colored craft paper and cuts these out every night? Does he redo them if one comes out funky? Does he get glittery paper or is it like the kiddy kind? Does he do them in the van? Is it with scissors or an x-acto knife?! How do you make these bro you don’t simply walk into a FedEx’s Kinkos to print these out!

Anyway, I’m learning more tricks as I go along, getting all of the keys and bottles and I do go back to each stage to get all of the damn bottles because I am not leaving one behind because I really want all of the pages. I am also seeing all of the death animations Sly does and honestly, the humor in each of them is not lost on me at all. I adore them. The first time I saw him just realizing he’s gonna fall to his death and he just-

I busted laughing so hard and Rok got to hear me lmao oh my god-- But for real, most of his death animations are strangely adorable in my opinion. Especially when he just falls and his little leg twitches. They never made animations like that for other games I played so far (not even for Banjo Kazooie). And the lightness of everything makes it less frustration in my opinion. As though I had no problem if Sly died along the way. Whereas I would get way more frustrated with how Mario or Banjo would die.

Anyway those are my tidbits. But lemmie tell you something.Once I got to the last stage where I needed to get the 7 keys to access the final boss? There’s a treasure chest with crabs mini games.

FUCK. THAT. GAME.

The only reason I got through it was because I’m stubborn and I distracted my frustrations in my chat with Rok as I had this damn raccoon swim around in a submarine, killing about 100 crustaceans just for 40 chests!! 40! Not a normal number like 20 or 25. No. 40. That drove me nuts for some reason.

Anyway, finally got to the final boss after I collected all the horseshoes and lives around the main hub of the level, and then yeeted Sly from the canon ALA Wind Waker style.

Raleigh is freaking gross. Not in voice, but his animation made me feel really nasty with looking at him, which in my opinion was a good visual design and motivator to get rid of him faster. It was also easy to sort of find out what the boss fight was requiring from me in the end--making it so much easier as well. I guess for a kid it’s a bit more difficult and I can understand that. I just enjoyed the fights for having a repetitive nature that was satisfying. Like even if I died many times, the game didn’t throw me all the way out of the level at all. It restarted the fight from the beginning and that, to me, was a good way to introduce me to the entire function of a Sly Cooper 1 boss fight.

I felt happy when I defeated Raleigh. And of course, Sly isn’t a “killer” so froggo dude is still alive, just in prison after “HOT LATIN FOX LADY” caught him. Of course. Can someone tell me where Carmelita is from? Is she Spanish or Mexican or..? Like was that defined by the games or was it thrown up in the air?

Anyway, onto the next level.

2. Sunset Snake Eyes:::::::::::::::::::::

Lemmie just say that I actually enjoyed Mugshot’s backstory? It made me feel really sympathetic towards him in a way.... Despite him being a murderer but you know. It was a nice touch.

Okay so, are any of you familiar with the whole “Mickey Mouse is taking his dog Pluto for a walk” dilemma? Well, I had a moment like that as well in this section. Why? Because Mugshot has feral dogs all over his turf and that messes me up a lot for some reason. Like I always wondered how, evolutionary wise, can an anthro dog and a feral dog look so similar? I had a moment like that as well when reading Farewell, Beloved Falco. There was a feral pig in that comic and it bother the fuck out of me. But it didn’t impede me from playing the game.

The look was very much classical American desert wasteland in the middle of nowhere. Possibly southwest USA if I were to guess, and I liked the feel of the casinos and run down RVs, trailers and cars. However it made me question why this place was a junkyard almost if he kinda has a functioning casino. For Raleigh I could understand because it was a hideout, you do what you can right? Even if you have a fucking floating metal blimp over your hideout, like that won’t catch military attention at all, nooooooo--

But like, an abandoned casino suggests that it was once owned by the mafia or a mob, and just--Okay. Police regulations and gun control. Etc etc, I’m rambling on about things that have nothing to do with the game. Back to the design.

Again, collecting all the bottles like a desperate AA member that needs a hit for old times sake and running back to open up the safe. Can I just say that the names of each Cooper ancestor is rather amusing? Like some have the most dumb but adorable names. Huckleberry Cooper jfc--

And once I got into the main hub, I got my first taste of the “Murray can’t think without his stomach thus gets himself in trouble and needs to race his Moon Rover turned into a Van to win one of the keys” mini game and “Bentley told me I gotta keep you alive as you run through this area full of trigger happy criminals, Murray, plEASE STOP RUNNING IN FRONT OF MY BULLETS MURRAY-” mini game. Nice. Not as bad as the 40 treasure chests crabs.

Also, why would Mugshot or his minions just leave a red sports car running on reverse for days on end?? Anyway.

The inside of the casino was a nice section to play ngl. I enjoyed that a lot. The platforming too, despite some of the bottles being utterly difficult to get without having to die and do the entire section again to get them. And then comes the level when Carmelita decides to destroy private property because she’s after this dumbass raccoon. I wonder how she felt seeing him jump around back and forth breaking bottles and dodging her SLOW AS FUCK TASER GUN.

“Could you stand still?!”

“Nope. Not my fault you couldn’t get a license for a firearm.”

Finally I got to the Mugshot boss fight and like the first one, it was a very satisfying fight. Mugshot had me in stitches because he walked around with his long ass arms instead of his legs at first like lmao! Also once I got to the final third stage, I was all cautious and excite to jump around the wires. Yessss.

Defeated, all bottles collected, Carmelita caught this villain as well, and off we go... stealing shit from the USA before coming back to the Safehouse? Alrighty then.

3. Vicious Voodoo:::::::::::::::

Let me tell you something about myself. I have an intense love for Voodoo in video games. Started with Gabriel Knight: Sins of the Father, Princess and the Frog and I had an intense call back to one of the swamp areas of Banjo Kazooie in this level.

So basically, this is my favorite level.

I think it’s also the level where I argued the most with Bentley as well. Or at least the second one because, since the very first game, he keeps repeating the same obvious commands all the time with a constant reminder of press the O button. Sly? Sly?? SLY! PRESS THE O BUTTON! Bentley? You’re cute, but you gotta stop my dude.

The sliding effect on the long branches was a lot of fun, the tree enemies that had more than one hit kills were also satisfying to beat the shit out of. I also enjoyed the general murky color of the level in general. Just the spooky was definitely my aesthetic. You know what wasn’t my aesthetic? The first mini game I ran into, which was the candle mini game where Bentley would repeat himself all the time right at the start of if you had to restart the level. I muted the entire thing and had Sly mindlessly killing the fishes to turn on the candles while blabbing to Rok on the phone so it was easier for me not to get nervous about the time limit or the amount of candles I had to turn on. It was the same thing with the Chicken Gumbo mini game, but I didn’t mute that one. Because Bentley stayed quiet.

Also, @oroanillado is the biggest troll. I was on the beast section of the game and they did not describe to me what it was like. So I’m honestly not expecting much at all, just wanted to grab my bottles and go. Once I’m halfway though, and I already saw the water moving around I’m having Amnesia the Dark Descent flashbacks like OH SHIT OH FUK O Shi- But no. No. What got to me was... This intensely huge serpent coming out of the water and chasing me and my camera kept pointing BACK instead of pointing forward so I could navigate Sly out of that mess while also getting the fucking bottles along the way!!

I was shrieking!! I have an acute fear of things that are larger than normal (it’s connected to my Agoraphobia). I have that with whales and sharks and fish, so I usually avoid big mobs if possible in any game. Yes, including the 3 mythical dragons from Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild. @thekursedone-lylat was present when I was freaking out about saving Naydra and how huge it was. But at the same time I have a big fear of these sorts of creatures, I was laughing and cursing at the end of the level because honestly, Rok was having a good time and so was I.

Oh yes, also the other mini game where I had to navigate the same speed boat thingy and shoot down the on coming ghosts and flaming rocks was pretty annoying until I figured out I needed to destroy the pillars where the ghosts came from. Then it was easy.

But my absolute favorite section of this whole level was the Green Water Full of Body Parts and Bones. Bentley was losing his shit at the beginning of the level and I would accidentally yeet Sly into the water of decomposing bodies like yeah, yeah the turtle won’t like the smell of this. It was just a well designed level, so I had no problems having to redo it to get all the bottles again and again.

Now, the boss fight? I was warned about this ahead of time so I had to unfortunately put Mz. Ruby on mute so I would concentrate on her attacks but apparently they were supposed to go with the rhythm of the song and the Sly Cooper Collection messed that up? I think she was the only Boss I was really wanting to listen to as she talked because she was giving me good “yeah I’m bad, probably not the best one in the group, but I don’t care I’mma own up to it so try to dodge my attacks as best you can” vibes. It was also entertaining to see Sly go Neo with some of the commands.

All bottles collected and onto Winter in China.

4. Fire in the Sky::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Oh hey look, fireworks!

.....oh.

Surprisingly, this entire stage was rather meh to me? It worked like the others, felt like the others, but I really wasn’t as wowed by it. It might also be just the fact that I mostly saw white in general due to the snow, and spent most of my time looking for a few bottles on one section that really irritated me. Like I legitimately got mad in one section and didn’t want to deal with it because of the noises some of the monkeys were making.

This section. I hated it so much because I thought the bottles I was missing were in here and 2 of them were but I needed hints for it. Argh... Everything else in this section was pretty much a blur for me besides the two mini games with Murray, and the one level where Carmlita came back again, destroying more private and ancient property with her taser gun--and the main reason I remember this was because:

Carmelita saying she was going to catch criminal scum Sly and Sly just went “you really need to get woke, I’m not the bad guy here.”

I collected all the bottles but Bentley told me I had to defeat Clockwerk before I could open this damn safe, and it was the only one requiring this!!

Carmelita went down with the dragon statue, into the hypothermia levels of cold water while shaking her fist into the sky.

I will say the part of Sly and Bentley discussing the whole mechanics of Sly taking the rockets into Panda’s lair was pretty funny tho. Just,

Bentley: Hey you might be able to reach the top of the tower before these explode.

Sly: Okay but what if they explode before I get there?

Bentley: Then I guess you’ll blow up into many pieces.

Sly:

As for the Panda King boss fight, it was okay. I just kept running in circles around the arena while approaching the dude. Defeated him and was like okay, I really need to go and defeat Clockwerk now so I can open that safe.

5. The Cold Heart of Hate:::::::::::::::::::

Look.

I get Sly probably weighs next to nothing, Murray, but could you at least break once Sly gets knocked off the top of the van? Or when the rocks are falling down towards us, maybe also step on the breaks so not everyone is being driven to their ultimate death?

No?

Okay.

I will say, I headcanon that both Bentley and Sly were getting an intense case of whiplash when Murray was driving that van around at 120 MPH collecting all 60 computers because... Bentley needed those to hack into something??? It wasn’t as bad as the 40 crabs and treasure chests but man. And then of course there’s the section where, oh surprise surprise, Carmelita is in an obvious trap, slamming her fist on the glass, needing to be saved. Bentley warned Sly it was a trap. But of course Sly is like:

OH THANK GOD THE BARREL IS BACK.

Anyway, obvious trap is an obvious trap. Carm just bitches at Sly right as he gets stuck in the glass chamber and is sprayed with RAID. So Bentley has to save his ass. This is possibly the mini game I dislike the most. I just put Bentley on constantly circling mode as he shot down the targets.I died about 9000 times before I won.

Carmen is all Oh I was wrong about you the whole time Sly!

Sly: Duh.

And off we go to the next section where Sly lost his cane and he needs to recover it with Carm’s help. So I’m controlling Carm’s taser gun. Guess how many times I purposefully killed Sly? Many. For funsies. Because the gun magically got faster once I was behind the trigger.

Next section was the whole climb up the beam tower as it’s being consumed by lava! I very much enjoyed this whole climbing bit. It was fun. Again, died a lot and I actually glitched through the walls because I jumped somewhere I wasn’t supposed to and had to kill Sly along the way. But still very fun.

FINALLY.

CLOCKWERK.

Are we serious? Are we actually serious right now? Clockwerk had absolutely no motivation beyond ultimate hate? WHAT?! That’s just... not a satisfying reason ngl. Anyway, the jetpack flying section was probably the easiest thing ever and I loved it. What I didn’t like was the laser section that came after it... I kept dying. Again. FUCK. THOSE. LASERS.

Clockwerk speaking random little words while malfunctioning was super cute those. I don’t why, but I loved it. I was shrieking by the end of everything though because once I got right at the back end, where I’m supposed to jump on this mad owl, I was not expecting the head to jump on me. HHHHHHH!!!

Anyway, I killed Clockwerk dead. Back into the lava you go. Witnessed Sly give Carmelita the slip of the tongue and handcuffed her onto a railing over an active volcano before yeeting himself. Classy. Then back to his old tricks again with the gang. End credits.

NO WAIT.

The last chest. In the Panda section. Yeah I went back for that and got the extra ending.

0. MY RATING::::::::::::::::::::

Honestly, 8 trashcans out of 10. If Clockwerk actually had a believable motive besides hate, I’d give it a higher rating. But the game is satisfying and I love the mechanics of it.

Bentley just needs to chill the fuck up tho. God.

#sly cooper #sly cooper reviews #peep peep #long post

51 notes · View notes

thedeaditeslayer · 4 years

Photo

The Cool Side of My Pillow Interview: A Trip Inside the Mind of Bruce Campbell.

When you mention the name Bruce Campbell, the first thing that readily springs to most people’s minds is the boomstick toting, chainsaw-wielding final guy of the Evil Dead franchise, Ash Williams. However, for some of his fans, he will be forever linked with the Harvard educated, resourceful bounty hunter, Brisco County, Jr. Then, of course, there will be those devotees of Burn Notice that will be quick to let you know that Sam Axe, the ex-Navy Seal with a love of Mojitos and Tommy Bahama shirts is their guy because we all know, “Chuck Finley is forever.” For those of you that have never had the pleasure of watching the inventive spy show, Chuck was Sam’s alias that he would use as a cover on certain operations. The mere fact that Bruce Campbell is a part of three vastly different fandoms says quite a bit about his ability as an actor as well as his likeability quotient.

A headliner on the convention circuit for years, the minute he is announced as a guest, tickets go flying out the door and venues sell out. Campbell understands what the people want and he is more than willing to give it to them which is why most promoters clamor to book him. His Q & A sessions are legendary and audiences love the way he sarcastically banters with them. In addition to being an accomplished actor, director and producer, Bruce is also a New York Times bestselling author with four books under his belt. If Chins Could Kill: Confessions of a B-Movie Actor, Hail to the Chin: Further Confessions of a B-Movie Actor, Make Love the Bruce Campbell Way and his soon to be released, The Cool Side of My Pillow.

His latest book is a collection of essays or as he would say, “rants.” This venture is unlike any of the previous mentioned titles and perhaps his most personal effort to date. In a sense, you get to take a trip inside Campbell’s mind. He expresses his feelings and opinions on a variety of topics from current events and social media to his code of ethics. I was fortunate enough to chat with Bruce about The Cool Side of My Pillow, and his future projects. After reading his book, you come away with the knowledge of how genuine and thoughtful he is which is refreshing in this day and age.

Diabolique: What I like so much about The Cool Side of My Pillow is your honesty. Your writing style makes the reader feel as if they are having an intimate conversation with you. You don’t hold anything back. There are certain aspects in the book which made me feel a tad uncomfortable because you shared some information that was deeply personal, in my mind. I don’t know if I would have included some of the things that you did.

BC: Oh, sure. You always have to decide where you stop. Where is the line? For me, it depends on the type of book. It depends on the type of subject matter. Every project is different.

Diabolique: Were some of the subjects you tackled cathartic for you?

BC: I don’t normally do that sort of stuff. I’m happy to share if I feel something is useful. In the chapter, “What Are You On?” I’m not ragging on people who have habits. I have habits that was the point. There are very few people that just go through their daily life without jacking themselves up, knocking themselves down, knocking themselves out, you know? So, its kind of amazing. The human condition fascinates me.

Diabolique: “A Little Effort Goes a Long Way” is one of my favorite segments. A tale of hard work, ingenuity and perseverance. Which is key to succeeding in the entertainment industry. Where does your drive come from? Some people can pinpoint it to relatives, a mentor…

BC: I do attribute some of it to the Detroit metro area. A lot of my buddies worked on the line, they worked in the factories, it was a great summer job that paid really good money. In Detroit, it was weird. There weren’t a lot of discussions about hopes and dreams. But I could see things happen incrementally that encouraged us. My grandfather worked for ALCOA Aluminum for over 40 years. Would he want to do that job? Was it his favorite job? He wouldn’t even know; it was his only job. He had that job for his whole adult life. My dad wanted to be a painter. I call him a “go betweener” because he didn’t do exactly what he wanted to do but he didn’t do what he didn’t want to do. He got into advertising because it was sort of creative but it wasn’t creative enough so he got into community theater which was more creative. That filled a very strong niche for him and so he kind of straddled the line and then I came along. He allowed me to pretty much do whatever the hell I wanted to do in whatever industry I wanted. He was the first investor in Evil Dead. So, I benefited from the transition of ONLY having drive. Meaning, you just go to work, it doesn’t matter what the job is. The next generation is, “Well, the job kinda matters.” My generation is, “The job matters a hundred percent,” because it determines what you’ve decided to do with your life. So, I am grateful for having enough drive but grateful for being injected with enough freedom of thought to then do my own thing. Partly the drive is the Midwest because you put a tie on, put your sport coat on and you go to work. Get your briefcase, shine your shoes and off you go.

Diabolique: Do you think it is important if you want to be in the arts to have a benefactor? Not necessarily monetarily but someone who encourages you like your dad?

BC: Well, my mom did sort of amateur writing so she was sympathetic at least to that side of the arts. She liked that creative side. My dad was way more interested in acting. So, I saw him in plays and stuff. I definitely benefitted because I had a sensibility that was similar to my dad. My two older brothers could give a shit about acting. They never touched it. I think my dad saw, “Hey, the young guy likes acting just like me.” That was probably an advantage.

Diabolique: Another thing about that particular section that is fascinating to note is your resourcefulness. The anecdote that you recount about having to come up with a way to deliver newspapers in a horrendous snowstorm and the lengths that you went to just to do your job is inspiring. I feel like that isn’t something that would be done by the younger generation, these days.

BC: We were pre-slackers and again, this isn’t to sound like a crabby, old guy on a hill shouting down about the great old days, at that time there were no other options. Our boss dropped off these papers at the top of a hill. That was as far as his van could go. He dumped the whole thing on me and my brother. We delivered them together (the resolution involved Bruce donning hockey skates and a toboggan). So, we thought okay. There was no option of saying, “Dude, I can’t do it. They’re just not going to get their papers today.” That would be the current response. You would wait until the roads were plowed, like that night, and then you would get your damn paper the next day and you’d end up getting two papers. It wasn’t an option. There was nothing in my upbringing that said, you can tell your boss, no. Now, if I thought it would have been very dangerous or life threatening, I probably would have said, no but short of that, there was a slightly different mentality in the air. You did what you were fucking told, for the most part which is a little bit different now.

Diabolique: “The Princess Di Factor” was a thought-provoking chapter because you talk about the click-baiting, disinformation and too much information that occurs on social media. Some of your peers have their PR reps handle their feeds but you are very present in yours. Do you think someone who is interested in getting into show business has to obtain “influencer” status?

BC: I think there is certainly pressure to do it. The old actors when they were doing a film could get away with telling the local studio, “By the way, I don’t do social media.” They say, “I’ve never done it. I don’t have a Twitter feed. I’m not starting now.” They can get away with it. But a younger thespian has a website and at least two or three social media platforms. I think its important to get a distinction of what are using them for? Facebook is all mercenary. Whenever I post, its just for a link to get tickets. I just do that to keep the account warm but I won’t add to it. That one is really inflammatory. They are finally starting to take the misinformation down. It should just be illegal. The stats are mind boggling. Something like 65% of the people who refuse to do social distancing and stuff like that get their information from YouTube. Its not news sources. Its like the Wild West. I think it needs to be settled. I would introduce journalistic standards and practices where by if you tell a little white lie, you get yanked and if you get fact checked and the facts say you’re wrong, that gets yanked.

Diabolique: At the beginning of your book, you discuss the toll of COVID-19 isolation and changes to the convention and motion picture industries. After presenting the Ashland Independent Film Festival awards virtually, do you think conventions might go that route in the future? San Diego Comic Con has gone entirely online which is surprising. Galaxy Con is another.

BC: If we don’t straighten this out, yeah. Sports are going to be weird for a while. Large venues are just going to be strange. How are you going to figure out the San Diego Comic Con? How are they going to make people feel comfortable jamming 125,000 people over a four-day period into that convention center which is already elbow to elbow and unhealthy? I don’t know. I’ve talked to promoters about a bunch of different things. I’m doing a Drive-In tour. Also, some theaters have opened up again so I am going to encourage and reward that so I have added five theater dates for later this summer: Austin, Dallas, Houston, Oklahoma City and San Antonio. I’m getting back out on the road. This is not a tour year at all but when I heard that drive-ins were making a comeback, I thought let me be part of that. Some of them are struggling to open and I want to help. I’m tired of being on the sidelines. I want to get back into it. Drive-ins are perfect. You’ve got your distance. I can go up to cars and hassle them and there’s no problem. I can shine my flashlight in the cars, see if people are having sex, there’s a lot of fun stuff we can do. I want to be the first guy they meet when they come into the place to park. I want to be the guy that parks everybody. It’s time. Everyone wants to feel normal again. Eat the meatloaf sandwich. Going to the drive-in is the oldest meatloaf sandwich you could ever eat. Bring the hooch. Hide it under the seat. Bring a cooler, bring your reefer…

Diabolique: In The Cool Side of My Pillow, you mentioned that you were going to attend San Diego Comic Con, New York Comic Con and the 2020 Electronics Expo which were all canceled due to the pandemic. Were you going to promote the Evil Dead game?

BC: That’s what I was going to do. That’s what I was going to those conventions for.

Diabolique: What’s the status on it?

BC: I have been looking at and approving a bunch of new stuff. They are full-fledged, full bore into it. I think they are talking 2021 for an actual release. Its rolling along, looking great. It got delayed because of the nightmare of video games. Platforms change and evolve. You look at somebody else’s games and go, “Shit! We have to change everything now.” We have to stay current. I have to finish doing the voice work.

Diabolique: I know you are aware of all the rumors surrounding potential work in the future. You even mentioned in your book that you had a few offers. Is there a possibility that you might show up in Doctor Strange 2 and Mall Rats 2?

BC: The Kevin Smith thing could happen if it all winds up together but we haven’t had serious conversations about it. For Dr. Strange, everyone is at the mercy of what Marvel is going to do and this backlog of movies they’re going to do now. So, I think it won’t be until 2021. Marvel has to figure this all out. They have to figure out what movies they are going to do next, what movies they are going to delay, what movies they are going to shit can, what movies they are going to advance and speed up…the marketplace is ever fluid.

Diabolique: Do you have a release date in mind for The Cool Side of My Pillow?

BC: I have to say summer. We’re blasting away. We’re finishing graphics and photos and all that. We’re doing some legal crap. I’m starting a publishing company too. Tartan Media is going to release it. It will be my Campbell clan logo. It will be just to put things out. Movies, TV shows, whatever. That’s the new shingle.

Diabolique: Is there anything else on the horizon?

BC: Because the book isn’t going through Simon & Schuster, they’ll kind of have to find it where they find it. I’ll tweet about it. It will hopefully be available later this summer through Audible. I am going to do the audio book myself within the next two weeks because I want the e-book and the audiobook to come out at the same time. That way it gives you a choice. I want this to be a summer read.

Diabolique: Any updates on Bruce vs Frankenstein?

BC: With Bruce vs Frankenstein, I talked with Mike Richardson, who is my partner on this and we’re going to start with a graphic novel. So, I am going to adapt the screenplay. We’re going to put that out first so people in the industry can get a better sense of it. Mike has been selling a lot of projects to Netflix and he said that’s kind of the way to go with his material and fantasy stuff so he suggested we do that first. We’ll get a great artist, sell it in comic book form, people can totally see it and as a director, its kind of like doing storyboards. It’s a tremendous amount of extra prep that I can do just by going through it because I actually have to think about pages, panels and descriptions. It’s a format that’s not my normal format. Screenplay format, I can fart, I got that down. This is different with the way it looks on the page so it will be a very interesting translation process.

Diabolique: Are you doing any projects outside of Tartan Media?

BC: There’s this movie, 18 ½. It’s directed by Dan Mirvish. He’s with Slamdance. The story is about the missing minutes of the Nixon tapes and what happened to those minutes. Originally, I got hired to play a character in the movie and I couldn’t do it for a number of reasons and then the guy came back and asked if I would play Nixon.

Diabolique: So, the audience will just hear you?

BC: Yes. Apparently, it’s this 18-minute-long fight scene where you will hear Nixon in the background. Ted Raimi comes into play Alexander Haig and Jon Cryer is playing Haldeman. We did all these sessions over Zoom and we each recorded them separately (saying this in Nixon’s voice) having our conversations. They will put it all together and put it in the background.

Diabolique: Anything new to report on Evil Dead?

BC: The official name is Evil Dead Rise. We’re getting a new draft in. I don’t think anything will happen until 2021. Full bore ahead, we’re very excited about it. A whole, new ballgame. No more cabin in the woods.

#Bruce Campbell #The Cool Side of my Pillow

9 notes · View notes