#as always im not sure im happy w this but im not letting myself fuck w it any longer lol.

[wonwoonlight]

when you're not into PDA but you kiss him absentmindedly in front of everyone

Mingyu x Reader // no plot whatsoever just fluff. Want myself a boyfriend please 😭

Mingyu has always been whiny.

Sometimes it's for show, and others it's just in his nature to be so.

But he's also considerate. Some things he'd whine to no end about while some things he'd immediately shut up the moment you say 'no'. He's perceptive like that and sometimes to a scary amount.

You have no idea how he's able to read you that well; to know when to push and know when to stop just through a glance. Even you can't do it as well as he does and it's your own feeling.

One of the things that he never pushes you for is public display of affections. Mingyu is a big pile of mush, he can't stay to himself if someone he's remotely comfortable with is next to him. He'd grab their shoulder, punch their arm, curl himself small to fit in their shoulder, hug them from the back--just about anything physical that the other party would allow him to.

You love to bask in his embrace, to relish in his kisses, and to feel the shape of his lips in any part of your body. But only when there's little to no people watching, and Mingyu respects you enough to never push any kind of affection when you're together with other people, even his members.

Your affection with him in front of watching eyes are usually limited to hands holding and his arm around your waist or shoulder. Occasionally, you'd lay your head on his shoulder too. And very very occasionally, you'd let him steal a kiss on your cheek or your forehead.

That much, you don't mind.

As much as he respects you, it's only right for you to do the same for him. And while you don't think you'd ever reach the place where you'd be comfortable enough to let him give you an actual kiss in front of anyone, you know how much Mingyu likes to be able to show his affection.

That's just how he loves.

So, even if you're still a little uncomfortable (maybe conscious is the right word?) letting him cuddle you in front of his members, you bare with it because that happy sigh and the small smile he's trying to hide when you settle on his chest is worth it.

"Why are you staring?"

You blink at the question. Have you been staring?

"You didn't even notice, huh?" You mean it when you say he reads you like a book.

You smile sheepishly at him, which he just grins in return and hugs you a little more to himself before he continues whatever he was discussing with Seokmin, Shua, and Chan.

Of all things that make your heart flutter, it's always the way his thumb softly caresses your arm that contributes the most. You're not sure why, but it does and sometimes you feel like purring like a cat everytime he does it.

Like right now.

Your eyes suddenly fall to his lips, a smile automatically falls into yours when you see his do the same.

He's so fucking beautiful it's unfair.

You don't even register what he's saying, and thankfully it's not you he's talking to. The only thing in your mind is how perfect Kim Mingyu is and how you've probably lucked out with him by your side.

He turns to you once again when he feels your eyes on him, this time with a tilt in his head. Seokmin's face fades to the back of your mind when Mingyu raises his eyebrows to ask if there's something wrong.

Your bite your lip before you dive into his for a quick peck, which you pull away from a second later like you're in a daze.

Mingyu seems to be in one too, surprised at the turn of event. And when it registers to him that you've just kissed him in front of his members, he cheeks puff like a kid on a Christmas day.

You don't know if the three witnesses the featherly kiss you shared earlier, but when you see Mingyu biting his lip to contain his grin even if the giddiness is way too obvious in his eyes, you don't think you care even if they do.

A/N: wow im actually satisfied w how this turns out..a feeling ive not had in so long when it comes to my writing

A/N 2: pls drop by and share ur thoughts thank u🤍

#mingyu fluff #mingyu scenario #mingyu imagines #seventeen fluff #seventeen scenario #seventeen imagine #svt fic #mingyu fanfic #kim mingyu #seventeen fanfic #mingyu drabble #seventeen scenarios #svt fluff #mingyu scenarios

[jaiistg]

Reader as "im insecure" and Azul ashengrotto as "if you cant love you insecurities then I will."

"When I see your face,theres none of a thing that I would change cause girl your amazing.Just the way you are."

-An very important note,pls read.

Hi! So this is related to what happened to me yesterday.Im already insecure of myself and my guy classmate told me negative things and made me hate myself even more.I know that alot of people are going tru this which is why I made this post.I want to make people feel good and I just wanna say looks don't define who you are.You are beautiful/handsome and perfect just the way you are and whenever someone tells you negative things about yourself thats a lie.They are probably jealous of you which is why they wanna make you feel insecure of youself,plus who are they to say that? They aren't even perfect.Noone is.I hope this post makes you feel better.make sure to drink water and love yourself<33 I love you soo much and Im proud of you.

•Azul is really confused on why your insecure of yourself I mean,your literally perfect to his eyes.

•If only you could see how you look like in his eyes...<33

•Whenever he sees your face he falls all over again for you.

•Since he knows your insecure he tells you everyday how pretty you are, ect so that you can gain self confidence<33

•He will ATTACK people who bodyshames or faceshames you.He dosent understand why people do that,like are they happy that they made someone insecure???? They are proud of doing that shit???

•Trust me,he knows how hard it is being insecure of themselves.He himself experienced it but now its just in the past.A very bad past that is still stuck to his head.

•He dosent want you to feel the way he felt when he was a child which is why he made a promise to himself that HE WILL PROTECT YOU NO MATTER WHAT.

•You tried breaking up with him because you thought that he deserved better,it went likee this.

"Why did you wanna see me?" Azul asked

"Listen,I wanna break up with you."

"W-what why? D-did I do anything wrong? Please tell me,!! We can do better!!"

"No.Its not your fault."

"then why....?"

"You deserve better than me.I don't even know what you saw in me that made you like me.Im sorry if Im an overthinker,im not even pretty enough to be your girlfriend.Which is why im letting you go.You deserve to be with someone much better then me,im really sorry but im doing this for you.Your better off without someone like me."

"No,Y/n,Im not letting you break up with me.I don't ever wanna be with anyone but you,fuck I can't even imagine being with someone else! Your perfect to me.Im grateful to have a girlfriend like you and anyone else would be.I love every single thing about you.Theres no single flaw I see everytime I see you."

•You had a mental breakdown because someone said negative stuff's about you and god,Azul couldn't take it anymore,he had a talked with the guy.

"You have no right to tell Y/n that,are you perfect huh? Ofcourse your not, there's not a single human being that is perfect,so tell me.How do you feel? HOW DO YOU FUCKING FEEL AFTER TELLING HER THAT???? YOU MADE HER INSECURE OF HERSELF AGAIN JUST AS SHE WAS STARTING TO LOVE HERSELF AGAIN! DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR HER TO LOVE HERSELF AND WHEN SHE FINALLY LEARNED TO LOVE HERSELF YOUR JUST GONNA FUCKING RUIN IT?! FIX YOURSELF!"

•Everytime you started to feel insecure of yourself Azul is always there to comfort you.He loves you so much :((<33

#Spotify #azul ashengrotto x reader #genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #childe x reader #genshin smau #ajax x reader #kazuha x reader #xiao x reader #twisted wonderland x reader #comfort #twisted wonderland #twst x reader #twst x you #twst x y/n #twst x mc

[seattlesellie]

this is super random (also this is my first msg to u hi <3) and i’m honestly asking this generally to anyone else who also happens to read this, but recently i’ve realized my sexual orientation and come to the conclusion that i’m like REALLY attracted to women (as a woman myself ofc). so obv this made me also think abt how someday i’m gonna have to tell ppl close to me abt this but i’m literally losing my mind cause i’m NAWT vulnerable especially w/ my parents 😭 and also i just now was watching a tiktok live that was full of homophobic ppl and whenever i see that on the internet, it makes me wanna go deeper in the shell (or closet lmao) that i already am in. like it makes me realize how many horrible ppl there are that won’t accept smth so simple (i’m also very emotional as u can see 😍) so like tbh i’m not sure what i’m seeking here but ig i’m just curious if u or anyone else has felt like this/what helped u come out? like it’s so hard for me to be open and as someone who recently graduated and is going to uni, in a completely diff country alone, i’m gonna have more freedom and if i were to date another girl, it’d feel unfair to my parents if i didnt say anything prior abt my identity. ik they’re also very supportive, which i’m thankful for, but i just HATEEE vulnerability. idk man :( it’s also very weird finally realizing more abt myself. it makes me SO happy yet so so so scared? aarrghh idk sorry abt this long message, u seem like the nicest person and this place feels safe, so i just felt like i could ask/find some kind of relatability. 💗 sorry again for this long ass rant LOLS 🌟

okokok im gonna tell u my coming out story because i can awfully relate to this ?? n adding a read more cos this is so long sorry <333 🤧

literally knew i liked girls my entire life and like suppressed the shit out of it. would try and date guys all throughout highschool and would feel so terrible afterwards… but like you, i was super uncomfortable with that type of vulnerability and also barely had any gay friends, let alone any gay female friends. so i spent my life just thinking im gonna be in the closet forever !! until i met my now ex gf, she would constantly be sleeping over— but i did the classic thing of telling my parents she was just my new best friend, until one day my dad was like… be so fr rn are you two dating. like you said, my parents are also very liberal and supportive (especially my dad), but still— it made me panic and drop a mug and deny deny deny !! then, after being together for like 6 months it was incredibly hard to hide it, and obvs she felt super uncomfortable bc i was super closeted and she was super out. so i kind of had to come out to my parents (i hid under a blanket and told them i have an important thing to say n then they already somehow knew). my parents and i literally never talked about these things like my mom didn’t even know about my first kiss or literally NOTHING about me, we didn’t have that type or relationship at all so i can relate to u so hard !!but like here’s the thing— i don’t think it would be unfair to your parents, this is your story to tell and you should do it when you feel comfortable enough, and if it takes you dating a girl for that then so be it. you shouldn’t worry about other peoples feelings about this, as this is yours to tell and not theirs! as long as you’re in a safe environment, coming out can truly be such a big fucking relief !! like that absolute weight that drops out of your chest is so so freeing. if the people who are close to you love you— they will accept you. if they won’t? truthfully, they don’t deserve u and never have. about the homophobia, its always going to be here, unfortunately for us hateful and bigoted people will always exist, and that can be extremely stressful and painful, which is why surrounding yourself with people from your own community is so so important and necessary. uni is such a good place to do that !! so many new people to meet and especially queer people to surround yourself with !! i super understand your fears but the good things that happen after you come out— that feeling of no longer needing to hide yourself is so so worth it 💗💗💗💗

#𓏲 ࣪₊♡𓂃 anon 🎀

[vtoriacore-rbs]

tw. ed + whatever the fuck is wrong w me in general. id actually advise against reading this but this helps get things off my chest.

me slipping back into old ed habits bc my intrusive thoughts actually ended up triggering me 💀💀💀 i went on a 2 day fast and only had mineral water and i feel both proud and horrified that ive allowed myself to do that so now im eating healthy things to kinda make up for it but anyways i weighed myself too even tho i said i wouldn't. like i know i shouldn't feel happy over the fact i starved and weakened my body on purpose but it feels nice to stick to something and actually have some discipline back in my life.

had a breakdown too earlier for no reason (altho im on my period so maybe that's why, fuck you uterus btw there is no us only u someone remove this thing PLEASE). like bro some bitch in college also was telling me how she was losing weight and she deadass told me that my ribcage sticking out was so aesthetic and it just enabled me, we only spoke 3 times before that and im pretty sure she has an ed too bc she kept trying to get my measurements??? she also said she'd sacrifice two of her ribs to get a waist like mine and i know she meant it as a compliment but i wanted to cry and felt low-key ashamed like i hate when people point out my physical appearance and i was stretching i didn't even mean for my shirt to go higher up it was so uncomfy. it's weird tho cause when i starve myself i feel happy abt it but when other people point it out and praise me for it i get really mad. maybe it's bc i discourage eds and im very pro-recovery but anyways that was a weird comment™ i think it played into the breakdown. she tried grabbing my wrist several times and i told her to stop trying to touch me but she wouldn't stop either and was like "just for a second please" like i felt so icky bc of that too like bitch hands off before i retaliate <3 so yeah now im trying to eat again but honestly i feel like im gonna throw up bc i didn't eat for 2 days lmao and the entire day today i felt so dizzy. like yesterday was fine but today ?? no. my muscles hurt so bad so im gonna have a 50g protein shake too ugh im so tired. gonna try get up to 1000 kcal at least and make the deficit up over the weekend bc my stomach physically hurts when i try to eat (but this strawberry yogurt bangs even tho im half full already).

ive been slipping back into an ed mindset over the last month tho even with my binges and i just wanna look ill enough for one of my doctors finally tell me im underweight enough they didn't even acknowledge i was severely underweight 3-4 years ago that felt so humiliating and now im thinking along the lines of "i need to be a better anorexic" even tho its fucked up and like im trying to just snap myself out of this mindset but it's not working so im gonna have to get a therapist potentially. bc i don't want my organs and bones failing but at the same time, i wanna make sure doctors take me seriously this time and maybe it'll be a fucking reminder to take eds seriously. it actually pisses me off hos insensitive some doctors are about eds and the fact they indirectly fucking allow it sometimes too like. just bc im not in a critical condition and only like 3/4kgs underweight doesn't mean i don't have an ed or that it isn't "severe enough" smh this annoys me so much.

if you read it up to here don't worry ill be fine, a bitch always pulls thru and these are just momentary lapses in judgement im not letting mental illness win im too fucking good for this (<- motivating myself kinda feel better after writing this NGL).

[butchviking]

could u describe your feelings about Cheerard

ogh man. i am like always going off about this 2 people but u put me on the spot like that i get scared. um.

well. first of all she represents freedom 2 me. gerard has clearly always been kind of a feminine dude, "i was a girl to a lot of people growing up" "i have always identified a fair amount with the female gender" "masculinity has always made me feel like it wasnt right for me".. he expressed this 2 some degree w stage looks, w all the makeup & everything, and sure mcr have always had adoring fans but he also very much has always always been called a fag mcr have always all been called fags on the regular people have not always been kind. and hesitant alien era he was clearly going thru a lot and thinking about a lot. and from that angle it just meant the world to see him like. openly crossdress in the public eye for the first time (we know he's crossdressed before but never in the public eye u know?) and look so HAPPY. with his friends who support him. and u could feel the love u could see it u could almost hold it in ur hands. that was true of the whole tour ofc but it made me wail and cry seeing his buddies giving him a hug and everyone cheering and loving and supporting him. as a gnc person who has also gone thru Gender Issues. and the fact that he was doing it all at 45 with grey hairs and wrinkles and sinewy middle-aged-man legs. there is a future u know. there is a future. and theres happiness there. and he just looked like he was having so much fun and not giving a fuck.. again, vibe of the whole tour, but it was so special 2 see him dancing and jumping and twirling..

also. hm. hard to know how to phrase this one without just copying out a previously written essay. as a woman, who also was once a girl, feminity is something that has often been forced on me. the world has tried to make it a prison for me and i have chewed through the bars kicking and screaming. and over the years ive stubbornly gone very much the other way and eschewed anything that could b considered feminine and viewed all things feminine as evil and as a cage. bc thats what that was to me. but the thing is that not everything deemed feminine is necessarily bad. ive avoided gentleness and vulnerability as much as ive avoided superficial aesthetic markers of femininity like skirts and pink and whatever. (and i have lost some kindness but i was a girl too and you were just like me and i was just like you..) and. hm. you know that thing transmascs sometimes say about looking at transwomen and being like "i forgot that womanhood could be enjoyed i forgot that it isnt the burden to everyone that it was to me"? well obviously i dont agree with that. but as far as feminity rather than womanhood i think thats a fair parallel for how i feel about gerard way. there are things i have run from that i see him enjoy and it makes me see them a different way. and it makes me see that it doesn't have to be a prison and by god i do not have to move myself from one cage to another. i'll never be an aesthetically feminine person it's just not who i am or what i enjoy.. and dresses and skirts are superficial things.. but him doing his silly little twirls in his silly little cheerleader dress is a very visual representation of something more. its very symbolic 2 me. and i'll also never be exceptionally feminine in my behaviours or personality either and that's not a bad thing its who i am and im proud of who i am. sometimes anyway. but. there are traits i could do with letting in. that have been hard for me to let in. he/she (that is gerard/cheerard fjdksk gerard is a he hes a real human man but cheerard is a symbol a concept a character and she's a she to me. sorry i dont make the rules my brain does) is a representation of all of this 2 me.

all of this 2 say gender is fake and u can do what u want and u just have to be yourself and be what u want 2 be and be what makes u happy and what brings love and joy. and u dont have to sit in a hole about it u dont have 2 write emily or drugstore perfume u dont have to wish u could bring her back from the dead or whatever. sometimes u just gotta wear a silly little cheerleader dress and go have fun. metaphor but also very real 2 me i WILL be buying a custom made cheerard dress and it will probably b the only dress i'll ever wear in my adult life fjfkkdj

#thanks fr asking i was actually in a really shitty mood bc i didnt wake up in time 2 go get a cheerard cake printed #getting 2 ramble on abt her has lifted my spirits im on my way 2 buy green food colouring 2 frost some cupcakes instead #everythings coming up cheerard 😁😁😁 #ask #anonymous #typed half of this while walking btw and im not rereading it.. hope it makes sense <3 #now everyone go listen to when i was a boy dar williams RIGHT NOW !!!!!! #then maybe listen to not that kind of girl :3

[yuukei-yikes]

OKAY YOU'VE UNLEASHED THE BEAST. so like we all know the post str harutaka dynamic is all lovey dovey etc because FINALLY! WE ARE TOGETHER!!!!!!! sort of thing well kanoshin is literally the opposite. in my fucked up head post str kanoshin dynamic at the time this would occur is shintaro after breaking up w/ ayano and ALSO takane is trying to distance themself from him so he's basically like a sopping wet cat in cardboard box on kano's doorstep that kano has also been pining for secretly and unwillingly for like 2 years. so to me kanoshin is basically shintaro: heem heem whimper (super vulnerable doesnt even care if it's gay at this point or if he has feelings for kano he just needs to be held he can think abt all of that later) kano: okayyyy whatever ^w^ (what the hell is going on what i am doing why is shintaro in my arms where am i) and that repeats 100 times in post shinaya breakup divorce. mix in shintaro's horrible capacity for affection since he doesnt think he wants to be hated but also wants to be loved but he should be hated blah blah blahand with kano it's like he validates both of that, that makes zero sense when i type it out but trust me it makes sense in my head. so ignoring canon i think takane and kano r definitely besties bc they r basically the Same Guy????? which like u said it's even acknowledged IN kano's novel where he's like "yep she's twisted JUST like me" also fun fact the same ost that plays over the kano and seto scene where he opens up abt everything in mca ALSO plays over the scene where takane and ayano discuss takane's feelings abt haruka im SOOOOO normal abt that fact. in my mind they r talking or smthn and shintaro gets brought up and kano somehow lets it slip with a "soooo did shintaro ever also kiss you or something haha :3c" and takane's like "what" and that's how takane found out. and i think takane would have REALLY mixed feelings abt that especially bc like "uhhh how would ayano feel?" but when he goes to talk to shintaro abt it a bit more (codependency in the mix bc in her mind it's like well surely shintaro will tell me soon anyway bc he tells me everything bc he needs to tell me. normal things to think) he looks at them like he just shit himself. i kind of forget where i was going with this. but if they EVER did go on a double date it would be so awkward bc harutaka r Normal and kanoshin is Very Much Not Normal. but because takane and haruka are the only ones who know abt kano and shintaro's weird not relationship and shintaro and kano cant stand being alone together for a long amount of time bc it forces them to confront their feelings but also want to be together it's the perfect solution. this kind of goes hand in hand with shintaro's heavy reliance on takane, it's like codependency......2!!!!!! but kano is Also there. SORRY THIS SOUNDS INSANE AND IS SOOOOO LONG IM SORRY im normal

OK im putting answer under the cut only cuz the ask is already long and its so scrolling it on my blog isnt a nightmare for myself 💗 it largely turned into me talking abt takane like always sooo teehee

NO UR NOT INSANE U ARE SO NORMAL!!!!!!! this is EXACTLY IT. shintaro&kano insanity in between shinaya breakup/takane distancing itself from shintaro ahaihvsuxhemxksjxlwkdowkdw (EXPLOSION)

also the ost thing!!! i had to go check and i got so excited stupid like YESS YESSSSS ILOVE THAT KINDA SHIT not to sidetrack on takane/harutaka but that would've been so so so good if the anime hadn't fucked up and made takane all happy when running before dying. like takane was so terrified of being in love with haruka she wasn't like omg teeheee im gonna confess my feelings💗 she was like (RUNNING) THIS SUCKS SO BADDDDDDD AUGGHHHHHH like she DID have an epiphany. but it wasn't like... HAPPY. takane was so terrified!!!! sorry. IM NOT GONNA SIDETRACK TO HARUTAKA IM NOT but str takane finally managing to confess to haruka i think its rly funny if then haruka's of course like I LOVE U TOO are we dating then :3 and takane's like WHAT!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!! WHAT!!! and haruka's like WELL U LIKE ME? AND I LIKE U? SO WE SHOULD DATE??? and takane's like I NEVER THOUGHT OF IT THAT FAR AHEAD I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU GIVE ME A SECOND TO PROCESS like this bitch never once stops to worry if haruka likes her back or not, if it'd be awkward if he didnt and how it'd be like to date if he did, NOTHING. granted that she dies immediately after realising so maybe she just didnt get to that point LMAO but i love this about takane's character like she just doesnt fucking think about it they just WANT TO TELL HIM!!! and then up to str she never imagines seeing haruka again and now he's here and she's too happy and relieved to even go back to this realisation and give time to worry about WHAT IT REALLY MEANS to confess her feelings. theyre just like i need to tell him he needs to know.and haruka's like I Love You Too. takane acting like he's insane for that. haruka rly has to give takane like 10 or 20 minutes of freakout for them to be like omg💗

i said i wouldnt sidetrack to harutaka then did . whatever. This is who i am. erm. oh yeah the ost. SO kano finally managing to let one of his siblings comfort him is obviously scary to him, takane's reaction at ayano's words abt how shintaro needs someone selfish to pull him forward and how she has to be honest to haruka is also scary to her. So having that ost in both these scenes....SO GOOD!!!

i WOULDN'T GO AS FAR AS TO SAY kano and takane are the same guy but i know what u mean. like i said in ur other ask man their PARALLELS... both are playing a role.. (holds head)

theyre not the same guy but theyre heavily like. people with the same ideas but different goals idk. to me its more like... sorry for ripping on takane so much but she is so damn stupid. like emotionally. takane is DUMB takane is SO DAMN OBLIVIOUS ALL THE TIME. While kano is very smart and i think he acts in a very calculated way, kano isn't oblivious at all

i'm pretty sure ALL the kano&takane interactions are from kano's point of view, and maybe the fact they're so similar is why kano is always so mean spirited to her in his pov. like he sees too much of him in them so he's like lol FUCK YOU. like kano always acts so annoyed towards takane. i hate how in the fifth novel takane getting its body back is so brushed off and kano doesnt even help her, and then he's like augh i dont wanna see her right now. like u just traumadumped that bitch to hell and then not only do you not help her get her body back but u also act all weird about having to see her. jail for kano for 1000 years.

But like to me he acts that way... takane IS the first person kano ever opens up to precisely bc he sees himself in her, and like him she is secretly someone else. kano resents takane because she's a lot like him BUT.... BETTER.

kano acts kind of like a brat to takane yet says he doesnt want her to dislike him and SAYS that he is jealous of takane.

this line MEANS SO MUCH TO ME *GOES INSANE*

i think kano is rly jealous of takane bc she's a lot like him yet she's a good person. and he doesn't think he is a good person. and on top of it takane's the one who stays by shintaro's side who kano cant stand so he resents her x2. im not a fan of what mca did in ep 7 with kano&ene but for kano to go as far as do that to someone who never did Anything to him just bc he's pissed to another guy. like man kano is such a fucking jerk to takane in all routes and it's never treated as heavy as it is. tortures her with turning into haruka and takes his frustration out on her abt people moving on (which his siblings&shintaro do yet he chooses TAKANE to take it out on who is in an even worse position than everyone else bc shes dead like girl whats it supposed to do SHES JUST TRYING TO LIVE THEIR LIFE OR WHATEVER IS LEFT OF IT AND AT LEAST HELP SOMEONE SHE LOVES MOVE ON TOO) and also traumadumps them and then leaves her to her own devices to get her body back. like fuck that. kano sucks so bad and takane always forgives him so easily. this is partly cuz again the narrative sorta brushes it off coughs coughs the narrative doesnt take takane seriously cough cough but TO ME!! TAKANE'S JUST A GOOD GUY💗 i think takane forgiving him so easily also pisses off kano bc it shows how good takane is and it drives him crazy. takane when 2 guys (kano and shintaro) are absolutely fucking horrible to her and she's like its ok we are best friends👍 again i think takane's just not taken seriously enough and its like yeah takane forgives everyone or doesnt care because we dont need her angry abt it in the story. but to me theyre just so niceys.

god i havent even talked abt kanoshin yet sorry for my takane brainworms you dont understand she is everything to ME!!! TAKANE ENOMOTOOOO‼️‼️‼️ in my defense u said most of the kanoshin stuff which i 100% agree with.

what i didnt even think abt is kano kind of telling takane thru wondering if shintaro ever felt that way abt her bc theyre so similar so kano's like well. if he likes me maybe he liked takane. HEHE GOOD ONE. good one..... augh takane having the warmth of ayano and the mischief of kano. listen to me. im rly so crazy about takane i think all the characters inside of kagepro should be crazy abt her too. sorry i started abt takane again. whatever. takane💗

i also think theyd be the first to find out (and seto but he is not a danger) mostly bc. GOSSIP GRAVITATES TOWARDS HER finds out by chance rather than kano telling her but i DO LOVE THAT CONCEPT OF KANO WONDERING IF SHINTARO EVER LIKED TAKANE kano's first lethal mistake is asking HER though. i think he would rather ask shintaro but FOR THE SAKE OF THE SCENARIO, SURE

ok but thats rly funny haruka and takane being the only ones to know and shintaro and kano not wanting to be alone and forcing them to be there😭 also how would haruka know... I LOVE haruka being up to date with mekakushi dan gossip literally just because he's dating gossip central takane but he just doesnt do anything with the info cuz hes like well i know that now. i think takane just starts talking and goes on and on and haruka's drawing and gasping and being like omg wow really. theyre so silly. i have a hc that during hs takane looks out their classroom window that happens to face a Popular Confession Place and she sits there to watch like its tv. shes like look haruka another one. this one's also getting rejected. haruka's like Takane is so easily entertained💗

but yeah. i think that's how haruka would know. personally i think kano&shintaro would rather be alone bc theyre both terrified of this relationship and wouldnt want anyone to know PLUS i already like takane as relationship mediator to shinaya so doing it to her twice in a row seems just cruel Like at this point takane is living their best domestic harutaka cat parent life ok. like leave it tf alone!! give them a break!! however it is extremely comical. most painful awkward time ever with kanoshin & harutaka

so ill accept it. like its fucking funny. erm. sorry this is all over the place.

#ask tag #headcanons #takane enomoto #kagenalysis

[milkeyrainbow]

Why can’t I just ask for help, a talk about how fucked my thoughts are…

Why my face brightens up and that fucking smile won’t come off each time I’m asked if I’m alright I automatically say “ Always and it’s wonderful “ while tightening my fists inside my pockets distracting my head from my scars that won’t stop itching and reminding me how much my skin carves more and it might be wonderful if I feed it my blood…

WHY IT TAKES HOURS TO GET MYSELF TOGETHER AFTER MENTAL BREAKDOWN AND DAYS OF GUILT, DISAPPOINTMENT, SELF DISGUST THEN ANGER TILL I RAGE HARMING AND START A CIRCLE OF ALIENATION.

And when it hits at work or in public, I might just… disappear for a moment and be back within blink of an eye👁️ no pain, no thoughts, no regrets, just more LIES AND THAT FAKE HAPPINESS AND PLAY PRETENDING THAT I CARE ABOUT EVERYONE AROUND… So I can burn down mentally, drain myself from every little positivity hidden inside me, come back home hoping that it’s the last trip of my life…

Realise what I’ve done to myself; just a little scratch to ground my thoughts and irritating itching, will be gone by tomorrow…- It won’t be gone, because it wasn’t just a “scratch” never was, never will be, just dirty, deep, trench dug deep under my skin that should be cleaned and stitched up or at least sealed tightly…

And the circle is closing… How could I let it happen? Why didn’t I just tell someone I’m not fine? I’m sure it was just a mark but.. I don’t even know anymore…

Now I’m sitting on the bathroom floor gazing into nothing, I hear the whispers, random conversation between people I care about, I know… I’m alone, nobody knows about my pretty little shiny mask I just wore crashing and falling into pieces… “ I forgot my prescription pills again… Well it ain’t helping shit” thinking that maybe the voices ain’t real but they’re right, I know- I am a fucking monster, I’m a lier, I’m useless, waste of air, a piece of flesh with no soul, IM NEVER ENOUGH, that’s why my father died, my grandparents, my friends, my dog- the only sunshine I’ve had left my childhood loyal friend, baby, reason I’m alive… GONE… I should join them… NO I SHOULD BREATHE AND GET THESE FUCKING PILLS all of them at once JUST ONE PLEASE ye one for each voice that’s getting louder and one for each death you caused I CANT BREATH I CANT THINK ITS TOO LOUD!

It’s cold I’m shivering on a bathroom floor, I’m naked and there’s blood all over me, my head hurts, I need something for that headache, I need to take pills and iron tablets… I don’t want to look, I don’t want to know, just lukewarm bubble bath… it burns, I don’t care anymore, I failed myself again, the weight and sick fear against myself crushes me down, I won’t be able to wash it off, NHS… well… pills might calm down vocal hallucinations but won’t calm down my thoughts and physical sickness I’ll carry with me for the next couple of weeks…antipsychotics and sleeping tablets are addictive so I’ve been told to go for a evening walk before going to bed *Qualified staff* NHS and my doctors didn’t stand even close to “qualified people” but I’ll take an advice…

And here I am, on the edge of a trespass bridge above M25, smoking cigarette and fantasising about death, the “ easy way out” I feel it, I’m waiting for that slight impulse that will take me to nothingness. TODAY IS THE DAY FUCK THAT SHIT!

“RAINBOW!” I hear my coworker in a distance, it has to be a pisstake mate! “ Are you alright? What are you doing here?” Annoying voice continues like a painful static in your brain. “Always, wonderful! Living the dream, ain’t mine but still, having evening walk advised, fresh air fresh mind, getting ready for tomorrow, it’s Monday innit” I feel my insides collapse, turning my stomach upside down each time I hear those words my mouth spits out without any consent… I’m scared, I don’t want to go through that again… If there’s God please have mercy…. My eyes are filling up with a single teardrop it managed to produce in the past two months as I walk off the trespass next to my colleague- She talks about some sort of inspection and a visit from higher management. I hear my voice, I can’t distinguish the words… I’m laughing and jumping from excitement… it feel like a movie but instead of being cosy and munching popcorn I’m hyperventilating and whining silently while shattered, sharp pieces of the mask that broke in the bathroom last night comes back piece by piece piercing violently my pale face, like little lightweight, mist-like raindrops when falling on your face in November evening as you gaze into the universe admiring its creations before the dark clouds will take it all away from you and the darkness will embrace you promising the sunlight in the morning…

My raindrops are made from glass and pins and razor blades, and it’s not like a mist, more like heavy rainstorm hitting your face as you speed 200m/ph with nothing protecting you from cruelty and reality of human trauma, mental illnesses, loneliness, worst fears, helplessness and lack of empathy and understanding… fear of rejection… No reason that keeps you alive, reason I’ve been looking for every single day, one point proving I me there is something… Everything loses its meaning, once your skin and flesh had turn into nothing and all the pieces that caused you so much pain drill into your skull… it turns into a new face, your one doesn’t matter anymore, nobody seen the real face why would they care, all THEY know is that shining smile, bright face that cares only about others, always happy and ready to cheer everyone around up! THIS IS THE FACE YOU DREAMT ABOUT! CONGRATULATIONS NOW EVERYONE KNOW YOU AS SOMEBODY THAT YOU WILL NEVER BE! IT WILL AFFECT YOUR ACTIONS TOO!

MAKE FRIENDS YOU WONT LIKE, GOING CLUBS YOU HATE, DRINKING TEQUILA! HAVING FUN, TAKE FUCK TONNES OF DRUGS AND SIGN UP FOR SHIT YOU WILL NEVER GO!

Sounds nice… it used to be helpful, most of the time it was fun, then it just went downhill, putting the mask on and taking it off hurts more and more, so you decide to leave it on, so it takes control over your body, it melts into one - The Monster that will slowly kill you, destroy your body, relationships, strong bonds you’ve been creating with family and childhood friends, it will push away people you love most and become nobody, It turns you into a cutting board, knife holder and tear keeper for anyone you meet. It will make fun of your own trauma and insecurities until it will wear off and eventually the mask will fall off your face and break into a bilion pieces and turn into a shotgun shell that will blow your face off twice as much as in the beginning, but until it will you’re left alone, bleeding out ashamed, scared and filled with frustration real YOU leaving you on your own with you people you don’t know in the body you don’t recognise anymore… it will wait for the annihilation of your own being… It will wait until you won’t be able to live your own live and proceed with eternal sleep hopefully or you will try to retrieve what once was yours, family, friends, old habits, just so it can come back again, causing more damage, so you will give up…

Time is verifying your choice slowly… DONT LET IT USE YOU AS OLD TAPE IN A LOOP, JUST LIKE UT DID TO ME AND AGAIN AND AGAIN… but each time I’m back to this monsters live I care less, I have no purpose in my life I want to die, but I won’t let my monster be, I will suffer as long as THAT suffers, I guess we both waiting for the moment where the body can’t handle no more and stops its function and will get buried with or without the mask on…

THIS IS THE WAR WITH MYSELF…

I don’t even know if all that make any sense I couldn’t stop writing, the whispers created a white noise and ye, this is how I feel and struggle with, English is not my first language but since I’m living in the uk it just comes and goes and… why the fuck am I writing it ? Nobody fucking cares, I’m laying in my bed isolated, no fucking intention to crawl out of it… is too loud, I need to hide my arms till it will heal up… and I don’t want that fucking thing back, I just want to be me, fucking rotting in bed no sleep no food just me myself and I and books and that fucking phone finally made something useful I don’t answer the text or calls, I’m talking with …. Nevermind nobody will ever fucking read it xd

Jebać stare baby prądem i czcić Boga Hideo KOJIMA amen 🙏🏻

Zagrałabym w death stranding brakuje 4 prepersow na full pizde i będę miała max, wszystko wbite, każdy zadowolony.

W tedy zacznę ja od początku na super hard.

Pozdrawiam… a chuj w sumie nie mam kogo NARTY SANKI DPIERDALAM.

#mental health #bipolar depression #actually borderline #samotnosc #i can relate #bipolar mania #bipolar 2 #lol fml #dealing with intrusive thoughts #i need to be weightless #you are worthy #monster #mentally ill #mental disorder #self care reminder #self h@rm #tw self destruction #tw self destructive behavior #selfiie #me on a daily basis #mysli samobojcze #kill my thoughts #my picutre #fuck the nhs #fuck me i guess #i'm so fucking tired #fuck this shit #mentally fucked #my story #my stuff

[duhnova]

hihi!! could I send an ask for your ship game, svt, 18+ and she/her please (this idea is soso cute)! I’m v quiet on the outside (introverted and choose my friends selectively- I prefer to be alone most of the time, ppl are overwhelming to be around), but once you get to know me I’m rlly energetic and bubbly (as long as my social battery lasts at least). im straightforward so what I say can come off as shocking sometimes (it’s just my sense of humor help). im creative and love art/writing/anything where I can express myself through something that isn’t speaking (social anxiety beating my ass lmao). I love putting together outfits and doing my hair/makeup, i love feeling cute!! I tend to be superrr absentminded and clumsy (save me) and I have a rlly hard time opening up to ppl, even if I trust them (deal w it myself mentality ugh save me). For kinks, ect I like a big size dif (feeling small/helpless>>), condescending, dumbification, manhandling ^^ aaaa thank you so much!! congrats on 1k <33

nsfw, mdni!

hiii sweets, of course you can send an ask for the ship game! and thank you so much! ^^

i could see you with seungcheol!

cheol knows how important your alone time is, he knows how much you need it especially after being around people for to long during the day. he can’t help but be so head over heels for you, watching you come out of your shell and be so bubbly and happy (it makes him unbelievably happy to see you smile and have a good time). he always knows how to help you relax/recharge after a long day and if you’re too overwhelmed in public he holds you close and is always doing the things you’re to anxious to do yourself (and he doesn’t mind one bit, he loves doing acts of service for you - it makes him feel so warm inside knowing he’s someone you rely on). he always loves watching you get ready in the morning, always compliments your hair/makeup/outfits and he even helps you pick color schemes and such for the day if you’re struggling to choose (he always thinks you look cute and he makes sure you always know) and he’ll even let you try out markup looks on him if you’re nervous about how it’s gonna turn out. he’s always there to save you from clumsy situations as well, he’s quick to catch things you drop or to catch you if you trip over your own feet (he’s always protecting you and your items and he loves it, though he’d be a blushing mess if he ever admired to loving it). this man is a beast in bed, he big in all the right places and he definitely makes you feel small as he picks you up and manhandles you like it’s nothing. he’s so rough and mean in bed despite his soft and caring nature outside the bedroom, he’s fucking you till you’re dumb, babbling and crying and screaming his name until you’re on the brink of passing out “aw look at my dumb fucking baby, can’t even keep her eyes open.” he’ll fake a pout (though when he’s finally finished it’s like a switch is flipped as he’s so soft and gentle with you, worried that he took it to far until you’re smiling like an idiot at him telling him he was so good - only then does he relax a little before he’s taking care of you, cleaning you up and cuddling you to sleep).

#duhnova 1k celebration #ship game! #anon #seventeen smut #s.coups smut #seungcheol smut

[wooahaes]

hi! (first time sending an ask so pls lmk if anyone has this emoji but-) i completely agree w/ u that writers should put a warning or smth that the fanfic will be catered to a certain body type as ive read fanfic w/o that and have felt insecure. not saying these writers are intentionally trying to make ppl feel bad, but they need to realize that sometimes their works do cater to thin/skinny body types and letting readers know that rly isnt a big deal. ty for always speaking ur truth! - 🐱 anon

hi nonny! im gonna answer all ur asks in one go <3 (no need to apologize for spamming! i had a moment of 'oh fuck did i say something wrong' but thats just anxiety brain speaking haha)

honestly! i genuinely don't mind if writers wanna intentionally write works for a thinner reader, it'd just be nice for them to write in a little warning at the beginning of the fic <3 i write chubby readers and mark 'em with chubby!reader so my audience knows, nothing wrong w doing it the other way around!

i also wanna say, i remember looking up "seventeen x chubby reader", "svt x chubby reader", or smth along those lines on tumblr but just knowing almost nothing will pop up 💔. until i saw a little fanfic called "tiger stripes" and was baffled that someone actually wrote something that had someone like me in mind. i remember feeling and being so happy about it. just thank you for your svt x chubby reader works because u make us chubby carats feel so seen 🫶🏼 - 🐱 anon

aaaa ty lovely!! im a chubby gal myself so i love writing chubby!reader fics from time to time when inspiration strikes <3 usually i try to keep everything body neutral so that anyone can enjoy my fics (even in my chubby reader fics, i try not to specify how big reader is so that anyone bigger can enjoy them), but sometimes i just gotta aim something for the chubby gals out there <3 tiger stripes is one of my most beloved fics and it genuinely makes me happy to think of my own stretch marks as tiger stripes hehe <3

ah anyway !! hope im not a bother w/ my asks !! i just wanted to tell u this despite my shyness bc idk, i rly feel like u needed to hear it 🙏🏼 anyway, i also wanna add ur a rly good writer and keep on doing what ur doing 👍🏼 - 🐱 anon

u are 100000% fine!! i love talking to anons and ur always welcome to pop into my inbox whenever you feel like it <3 + it does always help to hear that other chubby carats enjoy my work!! mwah mwah ur so sweet

tw fatphobia mentions (nothing explicitly fatphobic tho) // omg though.. i remember finding this [redacted] x reader fic and bc it appeared under the [removed] tag (smth like that) and i assumed that it was catered to fat ppl. but unfortunately it turned out to be incredibly fatphobic w/ it's themes, plot, + y/n. im not saying u have to be fat to write "x fat reader" fanfic but perhaps step away from writing for ppl u have no understanding of if ur gna write stuff like that.. - 🐱 anon

redacting the guy + the tag from your ask purely to try and avoid anyone tracking down the writer by any means! i trust my followers to not do something like that, but i'd feel better reducing that risk in any way <3

oh yikes! i think like... its worth it to sometimes address fatphobia in writing, but that kind of stuff 100% needs a warning! one of my current fic ideas involves a reader who is confident in her body but kinda relapses back to a previous mindset of 'maybe i Should be ashamed of it' after being fully insulted for being a bigger gal and the fic would absolutely have a warning.

i do agree that you def do not have to be a bigger person to write chubby/fat reader fics, but its definitely something you need to be mindful of when you wanna handle the heavier topics. im always happy to weigh in with my own thoughts + experiences, and im sure other people would be, too! no shame in trying to address it in themes/plot, but there's def a difference between endorsing those ideas and discussing them (and i'll say i have no idea which was being done in this fic)

(btw: no one go looking for this writer to say anything to them btw, we do not promote harassment on this blog--anon ur 100% fine to express ur opinions since i've seen fatphobia in reader fics, too, and it's okay to express discomfort with the idea. i'm always open to discussing things as long as they don't point too directly to anyone's work--and i'm equally open to taking down anything that pinpoints a certain writer.)

anyway ur 100% fine to send as many asks as u want!! im always happy to talk to people esp abt topics like this (or in general too!) <3 ty for being polite tho mwah mwah ur v cute

#🐱 anon #wooahaes.ask #asks.anon #fatphobia tw #(for a mention in another ask anon sent) #(im serious btw i removed the guy + the tag to reduce any risk of the writer being found) #(please do not go looking for the writer)

[shushthisaintmytumbla]

I guess its the Summer Solstice so here we are again! 6/21/23

Wow I knew I neglected my last pot but here we are back even later than the last one! Like i say everytime it is wild to see how much has changed in my life the past couple of years. Ups down and everything in between I come back to this spot everytime and see the growth I’ve made. All by myself. All for myself. I cant always see it but moments where I read back on the past I am brought right back to those moments and never lose sight of how I felt in the past. 

I keep seeing on TikTok that today is a Summer Solstice meaning it is a great opportunity for manifestations so lets try this out why not! I guess I’ll start by giving a quick synopsyis of my life from the past 10 months or however long (wow sorry I abandoned this for that long!!!!)

Lets start with Work. I am still at the same OI job and feel like I have grown sooo much. I cant say im perfect at my job, but I know I have made a shit load of progress that i’m very proud of. I shifted off of working with my mngr which has made the biggest impact on my happiness at the job. I was going from having weekly panic attacks to not even having to review a single email anymore. I am really proud of myself for treading through the mud and getting to the point where I am at now. Now for the manifestation segment. I am going to get a promotion soon. This SUMMER! I FEEL IT. I am such a hard worker and really have gained the experience to move up in the company. I am confident it will happen in the next couple months. I cant wait to come back here and tell you all about it. It will be my first real promotion at a job which is something that I’ve really wanted to achieve since I havent gotten to this point at any of my previous jobs. You got this Case. 

Now for relationships. Tricky subject and yep you guessed it D is still around. I have tested a coupe other relationships with E and A and C... but somehow D makes it through the motions of every single season. I do want to touch on E for a sec. I have grown to build an amazing relationship with him, but I havent seen him for a few weeks and I feel like the relationship is starting to fade. Im sick of getting 100% and then a week later not even 1%. I am fully aware it has nothing to do with me and more so his own struggles, but I do need to realize at the end of the day that its ok to want more from someone and he cant give me what I need as much as hes shown me how I can be treated in a healthy way. He’s the boy Ive always dreamt of how someone can treat/care for you, but this story just isnt ours at this point in time. Who knows what the future holds. Now D. Oh boy. As we all know its been a fucking roller coaster. I have felt the highest of highs w him and the lowest of lows. I do hold love for him (but not so sure ive ever been in love... idk what that even is lmao). We’ve gotten to a point where I feel like I have been holding my power for quite some time now. I don’t have the same anxieties as I had for him in the past and i don’t prioritize him over others. We’ve tried not speaking (jan 2023) for a couple weeks and ultimately he just came back and I allowed it. I cant cut him out of it killed me. It’s so fucking hard. I am working on figuring out his place in my life and how we can carry on without hurt, but I feel like I am slowy falling back in the trap/cycle. We had a really nice day together the other weekend and I felt those anxious attachment feelings creeping in... I need to remember the things that have happened and try to prepare for the worst, but is it crazy to say that what if we are meant for each other? The other day I was able to imagine being in a relationship with him and it shocked me how I felt so good the whole day. Idk prob the worst thought ever but.. idk.. why are we magents to each other? Lastly I wanna touch on friendships and new york life. My friends here are still the same (but Karina now lives in Miami) and I love them so much, but I’ve been feeling myself longing for my relationships in LA. There are many weekends where my friends here are out of town and I feel left alone many times. In LA I would have the comfort of my family when friends arent around, but theyre 100s of miles away from me. I really miss them so fucking much it hurts. I think the longer I am away the more and more I realize how special my family is. I especially feel bad being away from my mom. She asks me nearly everytime we talk when I’ll come back and little does she know I’ve been toying with the idea of returning once my lease is up. If not that I think I have 1 year left in me. It still shocks me to say it and feel confident in that, but I really miss my family. Thats truly the only thing pulling me back bc I love this city and who I have become here so damn much. Im not putting too much pressure on the decision as I still have 10 months on my lease, but it is in the back of my mind. I feel like I’ll lead myself to the right choice soon though. So much would change though. I told D the other day about the idea and he said he would be so sad which kinda surprised me. It would be the end for us if I did move back which im not sure is a good or bad thing. Sometimes I tell myself the love of my life is not here and I wont meet them till I move back lol. Im not sure where the future is gonna bring me, but im confident in myself to do what is right for me. Leaving my friends here would also be horrible, but at the end of the day if they are the friendships I believe them to be, we will still be as close as ever and planes exist!! I guess thats kinda it for now. But this is still the start to an amazing summer with so much fun in store I can feel it!!! I have a trip to the shore coming up next weekend and then im going back home for my bday end of july - aug. Later in the summer I am going to portugal with my family!!! and something BIIGGGG is gonna happen in the fam :o Cant write it in words here till it happens. Until then, I love you. Im proud of you. and life is always working out in my favor. <3  Love,

C

[lovestrucksuggestion]

hey, sorry if this is too much or smth, but i really don't wanna tell anything to my friends i fearike it'd be "too real" AND OBVIOUSLY I WANT IT TO BE REAL BUT, i don't know, i feel like i'll jinx or fuck it up somehow if i tell it;;

hello, again, okay so, a few weeks back we had this thesis project 6 per group and ive had converstaions w all of them except for 1.

by this point i was lamenting over a past love, we werent necessarily together since we were like, idk 14 or smth when it happened and its been 7 years, we kinda drifted apart after graduation since i thought 'it wouldnt last anyway' and i kept rejecting their advances for a year or two, but i still liked them;;; anyway back in 2020 we got in touch again and i told them that i still liked them and i was just dumb and all that and they seemed to return my advances and ofc i asked if they were comfortable and not just going w the flow yknow and they said yes so.

i confessed and they said not yet cause of school stuff but they do like me still and so i said id wait, THEN it was all okay since we joke and all that but they always seem to reject when i ask them directly about us or like even just to meet up or smth, and ofc i get it so i try not to bother them too much until valentine's rolls in and they post smth on ig with them and their friends and theres this girl with a solo shot of her being goofy and smiling and i just.

idk i took it as a sign to stop since he always used to do that w me before so yeh.

and then like with school i just got lost in all it and directed every ounce of my passion so we finished some stuff quite early, theres only 2 big ones of them we needed to do so a member suggested to split the work between us six. one of thems easier than the other so i got grouped with the guy i havent talked to, kinda scared abt it but all was fine. i added him (lets call him graham) on facebook so we could talk in messenger about planning what to do and all that, then after i found that he's friends with another group member who happened to be someone im close with, kinda AND they messaged me so i asked whats up cause i thought it was abt the project and they reply with smth along the lines of "nothing, graham's just rlly overjoyed since u addrd him cause he likes u" AND IM WHAT CAUSE IM P SURE WEVE NEVER MET then he follows it up w "ure his type, smart and hardworking" AND I DONT HAVE THE HEART TO TELL THAT IM A FALSE ADVERTISEMENT CAUSE IM RLLY NOT ALL THAT AND IM SCARED OF DISAPPOINTING ANYONE

anyway they let it be and i didnt think much of it cause maybe theyre just messing around yknow so nothing much happened, we finished the project and everything's all right until we were grouped for another thing through our society/club whatevr and i was kinda nervous since its my first time meeting them and everything was fun actually turns out it was graham's bday last tuesday so i greeted him and we joked a bit cause wednesday's the club thingy, i didnt even know what he looked like since his pfp's from when he was a kid

wednesday rolls in and im in the library with a friend, a mutual friend of ours and he said hello to me and i was so happy somehow??? I DONT REALLY GET IT MYSELF I USUALLY TAKE SO LONG TO ACCLIMATIZR TO SOMEONE BUT LIKE THE CLUB THINGY WENT WELL AND WE WERE JOKING BY THE END OF THE DAY AND I JUST, i think i like him as well?? he even asked to take a picture with me he seemed so nervous i wanted to hug him I ACTUALLY THOUGHT ITD BE OUR WHOLE GROUP IN THE CLUB but it turns out it wasnt so !!!!!!

thursday comes and we messaged a bit (he chatted first, abt the thesis) we were in a seminar and i was a bit late that day so i was at the back and our other classmates r upfront w him so never really met, until a friend of mine and i were going home and we MET THEM ON THE TRAIN ISTG MY HEART WAS JUMPING UNTIL I GOT HOME SMILING LIKE AN IDIOT WHILE WALKING

okay sorry but like, tldr, im a bit afraid that i only "like" him cause he liked me first, yknow after i waited for the previous person and evrything for so long and receiving little to nothing ++ i think his expectation of me's kinda high im neither smart nor hardworking im just anxious all the time so i have to do my work quick or else i'll die and some part of me's still doubting his feelings for me as just a prank cause nsjdhbf idk im not really pretty too so whats up why is this happrning but he's so fucking cute (generally) and i am falling as well and im scared cause we'd be graduating in a year so what if this also doesnt end quite well and i end up losing a friend?

i kinda also wanna just come up to him and invite him for a date but yeh :( and yesterday my phone died and i was stoked to meet him but he wasnt at uni so i was kinda sad then i find out the previous person i like messaged me and idk they were kinda flirty and i feel bad if i leave them again cause ive done it once and i was only left with regrets so what if im just repeating history aaaa its so hard to like manage everything too if graham and i somehow manage to be together im not great at balancing things what if i let him slip away or smth

again sorry for this i just wanted to know what other people think i really wanna shoot my shot at the same time i feel like im a people pleaser so yknow what if im just doing this cause of attention or smth idk huhu thanks in adavmce if u answer this but no hatd feelings if u dont thank u boo

Hello, you seem very stressed out! Please take several deep breaths, put on some calming music and remember that none of this is life or death.

First of all, you're right to let this past love go, it's simply not in the cards and I'm proud of you for recognizing that. Throw the whole man away, if he makes you feel bad(even if he's not doing it on purpose!) you don't need that drama.

I'm not going to diagnose you with anything over the internet, especially not based on one interaction, but I will say that in this ask specifically, you are exhibiting pretty high levels of anxiety and worry that it might be good to speak to a professional about. Your university should have free mental health services, if you have insurance you can call and ask what providers they cover, and failing that, there are many therapists and psychiatrists who offer sliding scale coverage for low income patients.

Alright, now that's done, what needs to happen here is something that I know you will not like, but is pretty much mandatory-you need to have a conversation with Graham. It's okay if it turns out you only like that he's interested in you, and when you get to know him you're less into him. You're not asking him to marry you after all. It's also okay if you're not smart or funny or hardworking (I think you're being too hard on yourself, but even so, it's okay).

If you talk with him and express your interest, you can set a boundary on how you like to be complimented(i.e., low pressure compliments that don't comment on your abilities) and specify if you want something casual just to see how you vibe. Even if you graduate, you might stay together, or you might not. You definitely won't know unless you try.

Also, who cares if you want attention???? you're human, that's totally natural. You're not gonna go to Needy Jail for it.

All that to say:

go to therapy

figure out what you want (in general and from Graham specifically. You can do this in therapy)

stop talking to past love

start talking to Graham about what you want

remember that even if things end up less than ideal, it's okay

#relationship advice #love advice #advice #anxious anon #come back and tell me how it goes!!! #im rooting for you!!!!!

[asrai-azurrcat]

tumblr lets you vent without anyone seeing so ig ill try?? but i dont rly have anything to vent just writing down.. things umm tw sh?? depression?? but not mine.

why is mental health in kids so bad- like as someone whos thirteen and has never had any issues other than the common insecurities, why are so many people my age suicidal for years?? like. i know a lot get bullied and then there's family problems, but then some people just have happy lives until the internet; and then place expectations on themselves and sh and then they start to have thoughts about dying- and they're only, what, ten? eleven? twelve? like, they're practically still children. not even teen. and as terrible as it sounds, i just cant understand, especially how theres a lot of other kids who think being depressed makes you cool and edgy and gets you attention so they start to pretend to be unhappy and then draw attention away from people who need it, and at this age you really can't tell those kind of people from the genuinely hurt ones. i made this mistake with my year 6 bsf, ill call her blossom. but like. she's basically perfect in every way: beautiful and one of the only people who don't pretend to be kind, they really are just. actually. so kind at heart. and especially now that she's moved away and then got her phone taken away, took a massive break from tiktok and her stupid fucking boyfriend and studied and now, shes even better. doing better. in year 6 especially id always find sh scars on her arm and she'd never stop, and she talked abt being depressed before but i never even believed her. i was such an asshole friend abt that. like trying to will her to 'stop pretending to be fucked up'- how can she even consider me a close friend to her now, still? i have a vivid memory of one of my friends puppy, looking at blossom closing the school scissors around her fingers and puppy saying, 'oh my god blossom, stop acting depressed', and then blossom just smiled and stopped and i as a really horrible friend internally agreed with puppy. like. im supposed to be there for her. im just so self-centred and pigheaded, and i was prancing abt the world with rose-tinted glasses, thinking. like. there's no way anyone my age can be depressed, thats bullshit! anyone doing it is doing it for attention. and i hate myself for failing blossom like that. and then when i found out her fresh scars and knew she was being real abt this, and i just tried to press her for answers, she wouldn't tell other than a vague answer that her parents always argued. and then id only find out a year later in high school after she moved away, from a fucking spotify playlist, that she didn't get along w her mom. meeting up w blossom again in this new year, and seeing her talk about a new boyfriend who isnt obese and chronically online like her ex, and studying and omitting swear words and reading classic books instead of manga. idk what i was feeling, but i just feel a bunch of regret that i didn't even help her at all when i was friends with her, closest with her, just focusing on myself and my social life and feeling sorry for myself. god i hate myself for not caring more about her.

and now in high school i meet a bunch of new people with puppy and eventually join a friend group i can stabilise on, have fun, make new friends, find shil. and shil is a mirror of blossom, like throughout the entire y7 i was just constantly thinking: oh wow, they both care a lot abt other people. they're both into genshin. they both need a therapist. they both have parents that are on the verge of divorcing. they both aren't straight (actually im not sure abt blossom's sexuality after coming out of her y6, is she still pan?) and i don't deserve either of them. shil is just. so, so friendly and nice, staying friends with me despite my terrible personality, but she has her own friends that she prefers more- two groups of them- and i dont have anyone now that cappu has left, so i always feel like im the one clinging onto her. and shil is also dealing with her stuff, like the shit that happened in her home country and then her parents aren't getting along, she's been bullied and manipulated as a child. i mean, at least she's confiding in me this time unlike blossom, so at least i know what she's going through. and she doesn't have sh scars on her arms but who knows?!! who fucking knows because arms arent the only place you can cut yourself and shil could just be hiding them. and the difference here is that blossom liked me as much as i liked her to the point we could say ily to each other (platonically, near the end of the year very few times but still it was there) and shil is.. more distant, because as much as she's opened up more to me than blossom has it's not even the tip of the mountain of things she's carrying around. and going to a top girl's school filled with smart people and asians, we're surrounded by people under pressure and as much as the teachers stress that the school counsellors are there barely anyone really goes there. but shil is, im glad she applied. she needs it. i don't want to be an asshole to her like a did to blossom. and i thought just occurred to me that, if i lose her, ill be alone in the school, so basically my thinking is just centred around me. self-pity. feeling sorry for myself. if i don't stop being this self-centred, it probably will happen.

and then again, im always judging everyone, which shouldn't be a problem until i go acting on my judgements, and then i make myself fall closer to the social rock bottom because those judgements are mistaken, and i just like to judge people by their outward appearance and personality. like what happened with blossom. i didn't even know bats was this depressed and sh'ed until i found her vent. i just assumed she liked s3x jokes, and they never bothered her. and J too. im confused about J, but J really is suicidal too, because i remember her sending a massive vent to cappu and cappu telling me abt it. and i sort of gave her a blind eye during the period last year when her social life was evidently down and mine was blooming, being an absolute fucking idiot stupid selfish asshole not talking to her enough until the end of the year when we went to the mall with patty everyday like a ritual, and she befriended lin, hitch and tee, and vali, and hy, but she still has no energy, and she looks really tired everyday and looks like she's not taking care of herself.

why are children getting depressed? why are twelve year olds and eleven year olds getting depressed? why are they unhappy with their lives, why are they getting anxiety and cutting themselves, why is the internet doing this to them? what's going to happen to our children's generation, will fucking toddlers commit suicide- i want to understand these people. i want to help them, i want to avoid being a bystander to their unhapiness when i could help and i want to never make the same mistake i did with blossom. i want to stay friends with shil. i want to make new friends, join a new friend group, other than the inner circle with puppy that talk about things i don't even know like taylor swift or boys they meet on snapchat. i want to stop being self-centred and selfish, because these days whenever i try to think about other people like this it always circles back to me

i hope no ones reading this lmao

[disfrutarconleo]

I couldn't log into my old account, so I made this one.

I needed someplace to put all these, when I go to work and get bored so I just freeform write things.

Ok new day, I had some crazy nightmares last night (thanks emdr) and I totally forgot to feed the cat so I gotta run home on my break and feed him. I feel so bad ahhhhh. Hopefully he will be okay until 2. And then gotta change the cat litter for have and clean up her mess. What a goon. I hope she doesn’t always do that. Made some solid weekend plans which feels good. getting some food w meg and then maybe hanging w Oscar? Not sure. I still am hurt about the whole ch situation. And I keep checking to see if they unblocked me. Fuck them it doesn’t matter. But apparently getting mad isn’t letting it go. How do I do that? god the nightmares were so annoying last night I feel like I barely got any sleep. Im hungry, I need a little snack. I didn’t do a very good job shopping but hey at least I got some food. im ready for my weekend and I want to go home already gahhhh. I also get a little bummed out no one really texts me but also im starting to get to a place where I don’t want to hear from anyone, especially if its someone that is just randomly hitting me up aka they’re not someone consistently texting me. 

Omg yay I actually got off for Nola. I gotta get my wheels aligned and my oil changed but that should be it. Tomorrow Ill get my tires fixed and get my meds, Sunday will be a day of chill (literally) I feel a spike in my blood sugar which gives me energy and I get a lil hyper but its 12 I have 2 more hours until I can go home

Sometimes I start thinking about what I would have done differently in my other relationships. How I would have acted or what I wpuold have Done as acts of service to like, ward off them leaving me. But this feels like intellectualizing my relatinships. Which im trying to get away from. Can I just accept that they didn’t work out, regardless of who was at fault? Not really because then I just blame myself and get into a bit of a spiral. I’m trying to shut people out, or just remove them from my brain as much as possible. I don’t wanna think about meme or ch or k or a or anyone really. I feel like it’s my responsibility to push those people out push the memories down. So I can forget. I miss them all, in some ways. maybe I miss the person I was when I was in a relationship. The kindness, the love. Something. I want to find that person again, without having to see it in someone else. I want it to just be me me alone. Whoops I got Too Real and started crying. Man. I am such a cryer. When is that gonna change? Probably never. Ive had ex gfs tell me that they love how soft I am, how much I can cry. Do I need to just be with people that can cry too? People with oceans inside them, with rivers and lakes. My cancer moon tends to take over. I can’t help it. Love me love me don’t fucking leave me but honestly do leave if that’s what makes you happy I want you to be happy (with me please)/ my therapist asked me who would I be if wasn’t trying to always please other people and the truth is I don’t have a clue. Maybe the person I was when iw as a kid, climbing trees and running barefoot down the sidewalk. When did I change? How did I change? Maybe it’s something that happened as I grew older…more burdened with society, who knows? i think I want to be in a relationship but really I don’t want to, im scared of messing up and sliding further into sadness and depression. I just type and type and hope I can be okay, I need a freaking blog or something. Maybe I should start posting on Tumblr again? Lmao. What a trip let me see if it’s still up. Mani totally forgot my old spam email password so im going to have to start a new one/ that’s okay with me

WELL HERE WE ARE

got lunch in about half an hour, so I can tcob. I think people will find me (stupid instagram) but maybe I'll just change this before that can happen.. I'm so fucking hungry and I need to get better about packing breakfast. or snacks at the very least. when I went to the grocery store yesterday I sure got some shitty food. but at least im eating again. but I might need to chill on the food, just because I know im gaining weight again. there was a minute there where I was doing well, but I'm back to not doing so hot. mentally also I need to get back to taking my meds regularly.

whoops I just found out that there's some queer Memphis bullshit happening at cameo . I wish I could go sometimes but also....that's probably not a great fucking idea. I don't even like it there. and im not really a lesbian I think. kinda exist outside of there. man. depression sets in so quickly . almost time for lunch. im hungry, I bet knight is hungry ahh im sorry I feel bad, there's likeONE thing I had to do this morning and I totally forgot. also what the heck I don't want to wake up to texts at 6am from my father. that's like prime sleeping time. gonna start putting my phone on DND. I used to have it where ch was the only person that could get through my dnd. and maybe it's still like that? not sure, since I don't have their number saved anymore. god...what a sad time. idk. I just feel ...you know? its hard to say is all. I think I'm done here for now. can you still edit these? I guess I can always double or triple post. who cares?

ok, guess I can edit. I started crying again on the way home. I'm feeling like I wanna be around friends just so I won't get too sad. I guess im just really...thinking about the ch situation. I get sad thinking about what it looks like when I see them again, or if I never see them again. I know im spiraling! gotta just tell my brain to shut off when this starts to happen. I want a reason for why im feeling the way I do. what's wrong with me?

sometimes I wanna unalive still. its def not as intense as it used to be...but I do consider it. not planning or anything. just still get hit with overwhelming emotions and it feels exhausting.

[taeyungie]

em, well.. he called me today. the irony of it all is apparently when i was talking w/ that 1 guy after my ex years ago, i only told him cus he asked me out & i apparently said he didnt need to know that stuff and i dont remember ever saying that but he said he was hurt/caught off guard & therefore never shared any of his personal relations with me. i think i blacked those yrs out. i went thru a very bad & messy breakup and wanted a distraction, i don't remember him ever asking me out then but he said he remembered very well. i feel so fucking stupid. this basically all happened bc of me. and u were right, he said he /always/ had those feelings even after my ex but i felt they weren't there... so i never attempted anything until i built up our relationship again which is how it is now. but, the real kicker is.. i told him that i didnt want to be put in a position where if he was serious about me, that he'd talk to other ppl, but he said im basically asking for commitment and he cant give that to me unless i show that i'm willing to let him come see me or vice versa (which i just need more time for), until then, he's not going to tell me if he's messing with anyone but he said if things do get serious with someone, then he'll let me know to not lead me on. thats not what i wanted to hear. basically he's open to whatever happens with whoever, even if he cares deeply about me, but he cant promise to not talk to other ppl and i know its selfish, i just wanted him to wait for me, esp after all this time with trying and failing with wrong timings. the way he said "IF i get into a relationship, i'll tell u" gets me cause i'll only know if he makes it official, he said thats how its gonna be. and i honestly feel like i'll end up pushing him away cus the reality of that being possible hurts too much. he said he'll just have to accept it then. but even after talking i still feel as lost. i feel sad, ashamed i said those things i truly don't remember. but now i'm confused with my feelings. i know this is going to change everything. i can already feel myself wanting to pull away emotionally & put the guard i barely let down back up 😣

i am sorry sunshine :( but i'm really happy that you guys had the talk, you need to stay in contact with him no matter what, the silence can be the worst thing to do right now, so please try your best not to become closed off. the fact that you're both so hurt by this situation is so visible, my heart is breaking. although i really do understand both of you, and he is clear about what he expects and it's in your hands to decide what to do with it 🥺 you know... you have to understand that he is just trying to be happy too, just like we all do. it doesn't mean he only cares about himself, he was there for you through the bad times and he did wait for you, honey, but the thing happened years ago and he might be just tired of waiting, he just wants to find happiness and love too... i'm pretty sure he's probably just as hurt and confused by this situation as you are, but he cares about you and he wants to be with you, but maybe he cannot handle long-distance relationship, maybe he is tired of waiting, maybe there are other reasons he doesn't want to share because it's hurting him too much at this point, yeah? he probably started closing up on you because of that as well, that's why he stated his feelings in such harsh way. he probably doesn't mean to hurt you at all, he is just trying to protect himself.

so please, don't get me wrong, i may not be giving you the best advice or making you feel better which i'm really sorry for :( but i want to stay objective because the situation is tough, and help you understand how to deal with it, to look at your situation in a different light. I'm trying to guess what can be the issue and what you guys are going through, nothing I say is 100% right because I don't know the exact details and I will never know how exactly each of you is feeling. but what i know for sure is that one can stay strong for long enough, sweetheart :(

i understand that you might have blocked out the memories because of traumatic past and that is completely valid and I'm really sorry for what you went through, you deserve the best of love and care :( it's something he should be understanding about especially that he asked you out when you were still in pain, you probably weren't ready for something serious and i will allow myself to guess the guy you talked with was not considered as something you were serious about, right? you probably hoped for it, looked for it, but deep inside you probably might've been looking for a distraction, something to make you feel better, right? and since he was your best friend it was a different situation, although he probably chose to ask in a bad moment, he shouldn't blame you entirely for that and now act like it's all your fault, but i also understand why he was caught off guard and hurt by that, he was angry and jealous, he wanted to be with you and realizing you didn't choose him was probably very painful, although now he might feel like you realized you have feelings for him because you have no other options, and he wants you a strong and secure feeling from you to feel safe in it, but please don't get upset with my words, let me tell you something first, love.

Let me tell you a story, I myself also went through a similar thing and i also had to deny my best friend a long time ago, because of other reasons but one of the main ones was long distance, i never loved him but i cared for him that's another difference because your friend actually HAS feelings for you, but i know how my friend has felt when i kept explaining him why we can't be together, it made me feel terrible. yet, his feelings for me didn't lessen apparently, and to this day, sometimes, he still implies that his crush on me never went away. but in the meantime he was in many other relationships, serious ones and purely physical ones, while also not telling me much, i probably don't know about a lot but it's his life and not my business - my point is that, he also tried to be happy even while still actively hoping i would give him a chance, because he cares for me more than he does for the people he dated (but again in my story it didn't affect me because i never loved him that way). now picture yourself in our situation, he actually does love you but you guys can't be together right now because of some reasons, and he probably isn't feeling confident about your feelings for him because of the past events, which is why he asks you for "100% yes" or "100% no" right now. unless you give him an answer he waited for for a long time, he has the right to try and look for happiness elsewhere and not involve you in it, he might not be comfortable with sharing that he is having flings with others with someone he actually loves, simply because he doesn't want to hurt you, but it's just natural that he is looking for distractions, he is not looking for someone to replace you but he's also clearly not sure of your feelings for him, do you know what i mean now? he doesn't want the past to repeat, when he already waited for a long time, maybe tried to move on even. i know you don't want him to treat you like a 2nd choice and what i just said might look exactly like he's doing it but i personally don't see it that way, that REALLY is not the case, in my opinion it's the opposite and you are clearly his 1st choice, from what i deducted he also just told you that, but since you were/are out of reach he is trying to find other ways, even if it hurts him that they're not you.

don't close your heart up on him, honey. i know you're anxious and in pain, just try to understand his position, alright? you're both hurting a lot but you care for each other deeply and misunderstanding is not something that should be an obstacle, so please, the only way out of it is to talk to each other and be honest. maybe you could consider making some sacrifices to defeat things that stay in your way of saying "yes" , if relationship with him is something you truly want?

#I'm really sorry if anything i said wasn't right or hurt you or if i don't understand something properly. i really want the best outcome :( #thank you so much for trusting me enough to talk about it and to ask for advice. i really hope my way of thinking doesn't hurt you more #anonymous #answered #long post

[tismemaximusprime]

what do the fuck i even say anymore to you? i've told you twice already how i felt completely forgotten and just here in this. im only here so you can be with k. i cant bring it up to you again bc itll just get lost again or ill receive pity comments or something. why cant you just be real w us and say im just here to let you be w k. like just fucking tell me. i got a fucking compression sports bra while i wait for a binder and you didnt even say anything when i tried telling you about it but automatically i say k got a new shirt and youre like "omg youre so cute". like wtf? i thought you were supportive of me too but anything i say is brushed past but not k. im just here. im not wanted here and i never was and its foolish for me to even think i was wanted for a second. this is stupid and i just cant say anything and dont want to. im not going to say anything. ill go on forever or however long you and k stay together. im just gonna be here unfortunately and always forgotten about. im not important to you at all. and im pretty sure you feel sorry for me or something bc once you say a compliment to k you automatically change it to "both of you" insinuating you always remembered i was here or in the equation. im not gonna say anything at all. and if k brings it up, im fine. im moving past it all and faking it bc this is not love and respect. you do not love and respect me or want me here. im not important and man i truly feel like. i really want to self harm rn. i found the scissors. she tried to hide them but i found them. it doesnt matter and nothing will ever. im just gonna be forever forgotten and abandoned and not wanted but used. i just wish youd actually love me and listen to me. i want to care about you and love you but its so fucking hard when i know for a fact im not. k is though. she is everything to you. i wish i was enough for anyone. i wish i didnt have to force myself for others to be happy w me. i wish i could be happy and not be bothered by this stuff. but like this is a fucking throuple not a regular poly relationship. all three of us are supposed to be communicating and being there for us all. im here for both of you especially k. i used to feel like i could tell her anything. i no longer have that feeling bc it doesnt matter anything i say. its either forgotten and just passed over and never thought again or i get a horrible reaction from you and feel even more like a piece of shit. i dont want you to feel sorry or bad that im not being treated fairly. it doesnt affect you at all anyways. even after all this is said and done and talked about tonight before bed, nothing will change tomorrow. im still on the back burner. im still just here and ive accepted it already. i will not be happy. i will never been seen as equal and i know that now. as much as i was cried to and told it was wrong here we are. why cant i be attractive enough for people? why cant i be pretty or handsome or fit at all? im disgusting and i always will be to everyone. i just thought i looked so good today but nothing. I DIDNT HAVE GENDER DISPHORIA AT ALL TODAY BC I ACTUALLY FELT GOOD. but stupid me for bringing it up but it didnt matter. she probably didnt even notice even though i told her. i feel like garbage. like absolute shit. im scum and dont deserve to be happy. its funny how i finally feel "happy" then bam it was all a lie. gone. my birthday is on monday. ill be 29. prodigy says before 30. lets go.

#everydaymollysays #personal