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#as a preteen/teen i wanted to do anything and everything to not have to think about how hard things were
halfricanloveyou · 7 months
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ok so i watched the new superman show. thought it was just okay romance wise, nothing very exceptional. the animation was weak in a few areas, i think they should have just gone all out and animated it like an anime, like in the myx episode. loved that battle sequence too!! the rest of the animations with the fight scenes were kind of clunky imo.
character wise i think they’re all pretty predictable and fall into the same boring stereotypes. tenacious and ambitious/spunky ‘tomboy,’ goofy comedic relief third wheel black friend, OP main character who’s main trait is being both responsible for all conflict and saving people from said conflict…yeah. it’s literally danny phantom but instead of being ‘sassy’ clark kent just has anxiety.
HOWEVER…taking into account the episode with the loving and kind gay gorilla and his robot-body-but-human-brain-scientist-husband, clark kent being quite possibly the most peggable fictional character to exist, casually depicting lesbian moms, and most importantly being very obviously and overtly anti US government means i objectively have to give it a 10/10 and say it’s the best tv show i’ve ever seen in my life.
also…it’s definitely a kids show (like probably ages 10+) and i can only assume it’s on adult swim because the people at cartoon network are fucking cowards. let cool stuff back on prime time air and stop shoving it all to after hours!!! sometimes midnight is too damn late!
#srsly as a kid i would have LOVED this show so much#but staying up late on saturday night when church starts in the morning???#my mom wouldn’t have let me#what happened to airing the preteen/teen shows after 7:30-8pm??#we don’t all have a DVR to record shit#moment of silence for my sheltered lil homies who like any form of action show at all#censorship is annoying. why is CN following disney SNP rules???#it’s BULLSHIT#shout out to my homies that don’t care about whatever dumb bullshit studios think kids like and just wanna watch cool sword fights#or laser guns or ninjas or superheros or interesting plots that go beyond stand alone episodes#or realistic conflict that isn’t solved with ‘just be nice and do the right thing all the time and then life will be perfect’#kids who like cartoons and fantasy and superpowers and magic#kids who like cool stuff more than funny stuff or stuff about everyday life or stuff that’s for their appropriate age group#the whole appeal of cartoons for kids like me who daydreamed a lot was that i could use them as an escape#i could daydream about myself in those situations and imagine i was in a world where things were different and a weirdo like me would fit in#i couldn’t do that with average disney channel shows or kids shows aimed at 6 year olds#as a preteen/teen i wanted to do anything and everything to not have to think about how hard things were#sorry i’m rambling i’m in one of my hyperfixation spirals again where i enter into obsessive and cyclical thought processes and get excited#and soapbox-y again…i have too many opinions and i get to excited to share them here#cause i’m not able to verbalize them or express them all completely while explaining them in real life#it’s the ADHD. i spent too much time online again and wasted my whole day without realizing it until it’s too late again#went right through lunch and breakfast too. i have got to stop doing this so much.#nobody even cares what i think i should spend my time doing something i enjoy#rather than spending it typing up pointless paragraphs that are as random and sporadic and hard to follow as my thought process#sorry ya’ll. i will be back again tomorrow to do it again 💕💕
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eshayteaparty · 3 months
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The Helping Hands of your Tipsy Dads
~Fandom(s): Hazbin Hotel
~Warning(s): Swearing
~Ship(s): Huskerdust if you squint 
~Word count: 1,600
Stars platonic preteen/teen reader ! 
~In which Charlie has given you homework to revise on to keep your mind sharp. even down here- and you’ve sat down at the bar between two residents of the hotel, one drunk, one clueless and not yet drunk.
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It was late at night, and in the dimly-lit foyer of the Hazbin Hotel, you sat alone on a velvety stool with a crisp sheet of times tables in front of you, numbers of all sizes causing your vision to flick from left to right across the page. You were in hell- why you were being forced to continue your education in the bitter afterlife, you weren’t sure, but you were reluctant about it as any child your age would be, even if everything was clean. Charlie had tried to teach you for a while, but noting your scowl and silence, she had thrust a book into your hands and sent you on your way, leaving you stuck on the fifth question on the page of all- that being a world problem of triple multiplication. What made her think you would understand this?
The situation was even more ironic considering where you had chosen to sit. There wasn’t really anywhere to sit down and work on math problems in the hotel, let alone anywhere in hell, and choosing the bar felt like a joke in itself. Once you had sat down, Husker had eyed your work, but hadn’t attempted to assist you. Perhaps he was as shaken by your venomous glare as the princess of hell had been.
You were scribbling out bits of the writing on the paper as an act of rebelliance, when the door to the hotel swung open, making you shiver from the night air. In walks Angeldust, the hotel’s resident ‘celebrity’. You and Angel had seldom communicated besides the occasional greeting and him sometimes hoisting you up under your armpits when you got too close to something you shouldn’t and depositing you elsewhere- those interactions were often silent on his end, as well. You glance towards him, interested in anything other than the tedious task ahead of you. He looks a little…messy. Ruffled. He isn’t exactly secretive about his profession, and you’re not some innocent baby, so you know of what he does, but not what happens to him exactly. 
He cracks his back, his lower pair of arms adjusting out his striped blazer, and comes right over to the bar as he always does after a rough shoot, greeting Husker with a blown kiss and sitting down a seat away from you, resting the elbows of his upper arms on the counter top.
“Summin’ strong, Whiskers.” he says, smoothing down his hair. “I’m drinkin’ to forget.”
As Husk sighs softly at the usual nickname and nods, turning away, Angel’s eyes are drawn onto you- sat there in your pyjamas, with a booklet in your small hands. His eyebrows pinch together.
“You’re not here to drink, are ya, tiny?”
You look up at him, then shake your head, looking annoyed. Angel is amused by your expression. “Well ya look like ya could use one, honestly. What’s that?” he taps your work book as you start to scowl all over again.
“Homework.” 
“What? Homewo- we have schools down here??” 
You shake your head, and your hand itches to vandalize the page in front of you. “No. Charlie told me I have to. I have to keep learning.” 
Angel can’t help but snicker at your predicament. “Buzzkill. Well I'm okay in some areas, little buddy. Pass it over.”
You’re surprised, for a split-second. A porn star wants to help you do…math. Still, you’d do anything to get out of it, so you cap your marker and slide the sheet across the countertop to him. He reads it over, squinting- much to Husk’s amusement.
“Ehh…oookayy. Yeaah. I g….I get it. Kay, so…” he sets the sheet down again, switching seats to be closer to you. He taps the page again, getting your attention. “It looks like- oh, what the- dammit, toots. Why’d ya scribble all over the page, huh?” 
When you don’t give him an answer, he looks up to Husk, sighing. “Fetch us a rubber, wouldya, baby?”
“I ain’t your slave.” Husker mumbles, but takes the rubber he uses to rid his notes on orders of mistakes and puts it on the table by your hands. Angel takes a hold of it, scrubbing the words and brushing away the shavings afterwards.
“Neat. Lemme see again.” he looks over the word problem, and starts to look just as confused as you. “This is- this is bull. What’s it even askin ya for?”
“I have to tell it how many biscuits are in the boxes.” you mumble, and hear Husker bite back raspy chuckles, with Angel struggling not to laugh as well. Your scowl deepens.
“B-biscuits?” Angel giggles, looking closer at the sheet. “Classic princess sunshine, huh? Okay, well…it says seventeen biscuits in each packet, and three in a- a box…what does that mean, toots?” he turns to you, secretly hoping you have the answer already. You don’t.
“How am I supposed to know?” you ask him, glaring down at the sheet again. “I don’t care about biscuits. They can figure it out themselves.” you reach forward to rip the sheet, before Angel takes your wrists in his hands, stopping you.
“Hold on, hold on, tiny.” he coos, trying not to laugh again. “It- it’s okay, alright? We can figure this out. So. seventeen- uh…seventeen in…three. Right? Wait, hold on…”
Husker snorts from behind the counter. “You suck at this, Angel.”
“Shut your pussy mouth.” Angel growls back, making you giggle out of shock. “You wish you could do math like me.”
You take your phone from your pocket, entering the problem into an online calculator under the table, hoping they haven’t just caught you cheating. “Got it.” you say, putting back your phone. “It’s seventeen times-”
“You little minx.”  You’re suddenly pick-pocketed by Angeldust, making you internally curse yourself as he tsks at you. He dangles your phone above your head. “I have eight eyes, toots. Didya really think that would work?”
“I hate you.”
“Woah!” Angel laughs, and Husker even chuckles a little. “So vulgar, little young’un! What do ya think Charlie would do, huh?” He pokes up your sides with his lower pair of arms, making you squeal and giggle dumbly. 
“Stop!” you push him away, embarrassed to have laughed. “You can’t even do it! There’s nothing left to do but cheat!”
“You make it sound like it’s the end of the world, piccino!” He affectionately ruffles your hair. “C'mon! Ya one of the only sober people here, ya got this.” 
“That’s because they’re under eighteen, Angel.” Husker mutters condescendingly, making Angel scowl. Angel moves the sheet around, getting you to look at it again. 
“Eyes on the prize, y/n. This’ll make you smarter than ever. Now do it off your head. Seventeen times three is..?” 
You sigh, uncapping your marker and writing seventeen, then an x, and a three below it. You write fifty-one as the answer, having remembered it from earlier. Angel grins. 
“Sweet. Okay. then um….okay, next the question asks how many biscuits will be in…” Angel gasps, taken aback by the lack of sense in the scenarios, making you giggle. “Fif- fifteen thousand biscuits?!” He snatches up the sheet, waving it around in front of Husker’s face. “These fat fuckers need fifteen thousand biscuits calculated for ‘em! Cows!” 
Both you and Husker start to laugh, your hands clutching the countertop so you won’t fall off your stool. Through the hysterical giggles, your brain has turned up to be useful after all. “I got it!” you shriek, taking back the sheet as your hand shakes with laughter. “I-I got it, I know! It wanted me to do- do seventeen times three, then the answer times f-fifteen thousand three hundred n seventy nine!”
You scratch down the answer, then fact check it on your phone after getting Angel to give it back to you. The three of you all cheer as the answer comes up- Seven hundred thousand and eighty- four, three hundred and twenty-nine. Biscuits. 
By then, you were hungry enough to eat that many biscuits, so Husker makes you a juice to drink along with them as Angel gets tipsier. You tick off the fifth question, drawing a quick doodle of Angel and Husker beside it in acknowledgement. It’s cute- who needs math when you’ve got such a talented hand? Your eyes scan down the sheet, and you giggle tiredly at the irony, looking back up at Angel and Husker.
“Okay, guys.” you say, rubbing your eyes and catching the attention of their own. “Only thirty five more questions to go.”
That was how you ended up spending the rest of your night- well, at least until you fell asleep at the bar with ten questions left on your sheet and Angel scooped you up into his many arms, taking you off to bed whilst Husker stayed at the bar, finishing off the sheet for you in his best attempt at replicating your shaky chicken scratch. Charlie didn’t have to know, and so long as you kept going back to them, she never would. 
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So cute hehehe thank u for reading pookies 
More coming soon! 
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Taylor Hebert AKA Skitter Propaganda Post
Do you know what you have to do to hurt someone in a fight if your whole power is “controls bugs?” It’s never pleasant. And this is a girl with an almost pathological drive to fight people theoretically much stronger than her. Much maggots-in-eyes and spiders-on-dicks ensue. Committed to being a hero initially, ends up becoming warlord of a whole city while defending it from super-poweeed spree killers, monstrous kaiju, and timeline-severing mobsters. Saves humanity through mass mind-control.
Shes so fucking morally ambiguous I don't even know where to start. She wanted to be a hero and then over the course of 1.7 million words she tricked me into thinking she was rational and ethically sound when she cut out someone's eyes, held someone's dying son hostage in front of them as leverage (she was killing the son), put maggots in someone else's eyes to eat them slowly, shot a fucking toddler with no hesitation, and she's such an amazing unreliable narrator that you root for her. She's genuinely so good at convincing herself that she's morally sound that she convinces the reader of it as well most of the time, but despite the atrocities (and there's a fucking ton of atrocities) she's genuinely a girl who wants to do good and help the world. She fights serial killers, provides food and water and shelter for people who need it, gets her back broken trying to save people, and is generally willing to do whatever it takes to help no matter what that entails. She's a girlboss who is terrifying and determined enough to kill god, she's willing to do anything for the greater good, she has a fucking orphanage as the bottom floor of her supervillain lair. She's so so complicated and such a twist of good and brutality and I cannot stress enough how compelling and morally ambiguous and girlboss she is. I have never seen a character who fits the title "morally ambiguous girlboss" more in my entire life and frankly I doubt I will, no one does it like her.
she went from aspiring hero > supervillain > warlord (still a supervillain) > hero > mind-controlling every cape in the multiverse to kill god. and she did kill god. so. girlboss. but on her first night out she used her bugs to bite a man's dick off. that man? trying to kill kids. those kids? teenage supervillains. she initially joined their teen supervillain group to betray them to the heroes, then joins for real. their boss kidnapped a preteen girl and got said girl addicted to drugs. he used a heist taylor was in as a distraction to kidnap the girl. taylor becomes a warlord and does all sorts of awful things to the other gangs in the city (including putting maggots in a guys eyes, and carving another man's eyes out (bug dick guy) (everything grew back)). the reason she did this? so she could kill her boss and free the preteen girl. She's taken over the city at this point, she's a warlord running a supervillain gang. what's she doing with this power? improving the city's infrastructure. she runs her territory like a panopticon, if anybody who can work isn't working they get the bugs. she's also running an orphanage out of her home. she decides to step down as warlord and join the heroes. while she's in custody, what does she do? that's right. kill superman via dry land drowning in bugs. now she's a superhero. she does stakeouts and pursues gangs to force their younger/more sympathetic members into superheroism. why? to fight the end of the world. the end of the world comes, god is killing every earth in the multiverse and things aren't looking good. what does taylor do? she asks a bio-kinetic who got sent to supervillain alcatraz for sister rape to give her on-the-spot brain surgery. this brain surgery lets her control any person within like 18 feet of her. she uses a portal guy to manage to ensnare every cape in the multiverse and unite them in her fight against god. One cape has a stress induced aneurysm. how do they ultimately defeat god? she makes large-scale replicas of his dead wife everywhere, making him so sad he becomes killable. girlboss. (sorry this was so long! i started and then just kept going. worm is 1.68 million words long and a lot happens in it)
Holy Shit. Holy SHIT dude. She rotted a man's dick off with spider venom. and then she did it again (it grew back). and then she cut his eyes out. this is the first guy she meets. she mutilates *so many* people. one time she withheld a life-saving epinephrine shot from a dying man (he was allergic to bees. she controls bees.) as extortion material. she shoots a baby (it was a mercy). She cut a girl in half (which was actually pretty high up there on the "most heroic things she did" list). She was Seinfeldian rivals with the most dangerous serial killer in existence, until she trapped him in Hell Forever. He's like still there by the end of the second book. she kills God by bullying him to death. All* of this was probably the best thing she could have done in the situation. the tagline of the book is "doing the wrong things for the right reasons." The worst thing she ever really did was to pretend she was straight though.
Did she kill an orphan? Yes. Did she put maggots into a man’s eyes? Yes. Did she do all of this while having intense homoerotic tension? Yes, and that is why she is a girlboss. She also killed Jesus
https://www.tumblr.com/morally-grey-girlbosses/729188280734760960 (tumblr user @lakesbian elaborates on Taylor's Atlas Complex)
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ursaribbon · 10 months
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What Modern Pokemon Means to Me
I've felt this way for so long, and I can't just not talk about it anymore. I'm hoping to find more people who feel this way, and I think Tumblr is the best place to do so. (cw: su/c/de)
In elementary school, I was cheerful and loud all the time, and people thought I was weird for it. I had been told my whole life that I was so unique and special, and since I only got that validation from adults, I would do everything in my power to get more validation by doing whatever adults told me to do and valuing whatever they told me to value. I was almost blindly obedient, and I sought academic validation. I started masking my ADHD. I was so stiff on the outside that I rarely cried anymore, especially at things other people would cry over. I felt like there was something wrong with me, or that I really was emotionless.
When puberty started and genetic mental illnesses came into play, I became a husk. I never displayed emotion, and people called me a zombie. I was frustrated. What did they want from me if I couldn't be loud or quiet? Classmates would ask me unprompted if I was depressed, exchange an amused look with their friends if they were paired with me for a group project, and whisper about me when they thought I couldn't hear.
Since I was a preteen, I would continually push away the people in my life because I had mental health issues that made it draining to talk to people. I wanted to spend all my time alone because I wanted to rest--I constantly wanted to be left alone in silence because everything going through my head was already too stimulating. My younger brother, my biggest supporter, would try asking me to play with him or try to talk to me about something he was excited about, and I pushed him away every time. He thought it was because I was tired and lazy all the time, because that was what I told him. He began to resent me for always leaving him alone, and even though I never tried explaining myself or even going to him for support, I thoroughly believed it was my fault for leaving him behind.
People who make fun of "teenage angst" are just making fun of themselves for what they see as "dramatic" looking back. It's easy to forget that regardless of what hormones generate them, feelings of depression are real and harmful. It felt like no matter where I turned, there was no light to overcome the darkness.
Gens 7 and 8 of Pokemon have gotten me through the worst of my teenage and pre-teen years. I had been following the Gen 6 anime by the time it was ending, and I was so excited for the next chapter of Ash's journey. I remember going around school telling everyone, "ASH LEAVES KALOS ON THURSDAY! NOVEMBER 17!!!" Not many people wanted to hear it, but for what felt like the first time in forever, I didn't care. I was already known as a zombie at school, and there weren't many things I unapologetically loved so much.
I was in middle school when covid hit. During online school, I felt lonely, scared, and sad. I had the rest and lack of stimulation I had always wanted, but I didn't realize how much it helped to be at school where I was forced to interact with other people. When I was really alone with my thoughts, I couldn't find a reason to live anymore. I was having s//c/d/l thoughts. One day during my lunch time, as I nibbled at my sandwich with my head down on the desk, I decided I may as well catch up on the latest episodes of Pokemon Journeys.
The Beautifly episode was playing, but I was only half paying attention, barely able to focus on anything. Ash had misheard and thought they were going to watch Beautifly hydrate, and Goh had a short fantasy about a Beautifly laying on the beach with a cup of juice before realizing the mistake.
He phrased it something like:
"Yeah, they look so peaceful when theY HYDRA-HOLD ON!!!!"
And I just died laughing.
I knew the joke wasn't funny. The funny part was Zeno Robinson's delivery. I must have replayed it ten times. It was the first time in months that I'd felt like everything was okay.
I even showed the scene to my brother. We both laughed at it for at least ten minutes. It was so nice to share something with him.
I became a bigger fan of the show, and started shipping Ash and Goh. It wasn't because Goh was flamboyant, although I won't deny that many fans assert him to be a certain sexuality based on how he presents himself, which is stereotyping at best and homophobic fetishization at worst. I ship the characters because I think they're compatible and are just cute together. That was when I found the Satogou Discord server.
I had never really had online friends like the ones I had on that server. For what felt like the first time, I had found people I could talk about anything with for hours. While progress wasn't a straight line, I was beginning to have s//c/d/al thoughts less and less because the people and media in my life filled me with light to overcome that darkness.
And then episode 62 aired.
In that episode, Goh's Sobble evolves into Drizzile. It was so excited to be an Inteleon that it didn't realize there was a middle stage in between. It couldn't even use Water Gun properly anymore, and other Pokemon made fun of it for that. It began isolating itself, and when Cinderace forced it to come out of its cave, it ran away in tears.
When Goh finds Drizzile, he tells it about his own childhood, when he was pointed out as being different for reasons even he didn't fully understand. When he asked himself "Why?" he only felt frustrated. This is what he tells Drizzile:
"I don't understand, but that's okay. And I don't need immediate answers, either. ... I'm fine if you just want to be who you are. ... If it helps you to nest, just do it. And if at some point you feel like being with a friend..."
"...I'll be there whenever you need me."
I didn't cry. I almost cried, but I didn't. And I didn't need a reason why anymore. Anyone else may have cried. I might have been a zombie or a husk for not crying.
...Maybe it was because I wasn't overwhelmed by what was going through my head anymore. It made me remember what I had been through, but the way these characters reached out to me was so much more meaningful than anything that came before.
The media that allowed me to laugh and to live and to make friends with ease once again provided light to me, not blinding me, but providing for me a moment of clarity.
I know not everyone likes the newer seasons of Pokemon. It doesn't fit the formula that provided light to those who have been fans for a longer time, and believe me, I understand how important these things are, but goddamnit, it's one thing to dislike a piece of media and an entirely different thing to continue arguing when you find out it means something to someone else. I respect those who don't like the newer seasons, and I won't tell you they're better than the ones that came before because, at least to me, they simply can't be compared to each other.
I know not everyone likes Goh, but I miss him so much for what he represented, and I can't thank the creators of Pokemon 2019 enough for what they went through to make what they did.
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bimrsadler · 11 months
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Hello, I saw requests were open. I wanted to see if you could write Arthur finding out he has a child/teen that he didn't know about, but now needs to help care for them. How he has to bond with them whether it be through interests like drawing or teaching them to hunt/self-defense.
A Pretty Dream
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Characters: Arthur Morgan, Arthur’s daughter
Warnings/tags: dad!Arthur, fluff
Word count: 1,000
Notes: went with giving Arthur a daughter named Sarah (maybe around preteen age) who he bonds with through drawing
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Arthur hadn’t expected to feel so nervous, he knew she would like the gift but he couldn’t shake the feeling of disappointing her.
He didn’t even believe Sarah was his when the telegram came through and she stepped off the train. His heart skipped a beat when he realized there was no mistaking it — those were his eyes.
It terrified him. Seeing a child with his eyes look up at him for guidance when he himself was lost. But he couldn’t abandon her, not when she needed him the most.
It took time to warm up to each other and Sarah was fiercely independent, never wanting to be told what to do or how to do it.
But with time she took interest in Arthur’s adventures, asking to come with on the outings that weren’t too dangerous. She loved watching him sketch his surroundings most of all, in awe of the drawings that he thought were simple scribbles.
So Arthur’s hand sat in his satchel, fingers gripping the journal and pencils he picked out for her, waiting for the right moment.
He watched lovingly as she flipped over rocks to look for critters and undiscovered treasures. A sense of adventure had been instilled in her during her time with Arthur and the others.
She loved dresses and flowers and all those other things that young girls were expected to, but she loved learning and exploring more. If she had to work for something or get dirty in the process? Even better. And God help anyone who told her she wasn’t allowed.
The natural world was her playground, the animals and trees and everything around them; her happiness. One day Arthur hoped to introduce her to Albert Mason so long as gators weren’t involved in that day’s photography.
“Hey sweet pea! C’mere for a bit.” Arthur patted the ground underneath the tree, motioning for her to sit beside him.
Timidly revealing the leather bound journal from his satchel, he slowly handed it to her. “I uh, wanted to give this to ya. I know ya been wantin’ to try drawin’ more so…”
Arthur watched her small hands grab the journal exuberantly as her face lit up, “are ya serious?!” She shot up to wrap her arms around his neck in a tight hug, “thank you!”
“Ain’t nothin’ honey.”
“Well you’re gonna teach me how to draw better right?”
“Do my best but uh, I never fancied myself as an artist.”
Arthur felt an elbow in his side as his daughter scoffed, “oh hush, y’are too. Now! What should I draw?”
“Well,” Arthur gestured broadly to the area in front of them, “see anything ya like?”
Holding the pencil up to her lips in thought, she pointed animatedly. “That rabbit under the tree over there! See it?!”
“Sure do,” Arthur drawled with a grin.
He watched as she nervously began sketching what she saw, “now relax — it don’t need to be perfect… jus’ try yer best.”
Arthur felt his affirmations were clumsy but he truly meant them, and it seemed as though the awkward anxieties of a parent and child who met later in life were finally fading.
He didn’t have all the answers and never would, but they felt like family now and he would do anything to protect her.
As the warm afternoon breeze cooled to evening, Arthur advised on which parts to shade, which lines to draw first, how to make things more realistic; anything he could think to teach.
She listened intently and applied everything he taught, and it felt good to be a teacher. Not a killer or a robber, just a man helping his kid.
The drawing was finished as the sun began to set, an indication that it was time to head back to camp.
Arthur helped Sarah up on the back of the horse, and wondered if it was time to find her her own.
Her expectant inquiry interrupted his thoughts however, “soooo is there anything we’re doin’ tomorrow?”
“Well I’m goin’ huntin’. Ain’t the nicest thing and it can be real boring but if yer inter—”
“Sure!” She exclaimed more enthusiastically than anticipated. “Then after maybe you and Aunt Sadie can teach me to shoot?!”
Arthur let out a soft chuckle, she did love spending time with Sadie and he would most certainly be fighting a losing battle (with both of them) to say no. “In good time kiddo. I do want ya to be able to take care of yerself but I don’t want ya to grow up too fast neither.”
“I’ll just practice with cans and bottles. I mean, you do want me to be able to defend myself right?”
Arthur sighed, he knew Sadie would say the same and maybe they were right. “Of course,” he stated with a tone, “but I can protect ya til then too ya know…”
Arthur could hear Sarah roll her eyes, “I know that, but it doesn’t hurt to know how to do these things. Even if some people think it ain’t ladylike.”
Arthur laughed to himself as he hurried the horse along, “yer right sweet pea, we’ll get to it. I promise.”
After arriving in camp, Arthur watched her run excitedly to Charles and the girls; showing off the drawing that she was rightfully proud of.
Arthur never thought he would get a second chance at fatherhood. He wasn’t sure at first if he even wanted it and most certainly felt he didn’t deserve it.
But there she was — reading to Jack at the campfire which he politely asked for after being shown the drawing.
Abigail flashed a kind smile from the seat beside them, no doubt thrilled that Jack had her to befriend.
It wasn’t lost on him that this life was dangerous and unfit for them, as much as he would always love the gang; he needed to love his daughter more.
And maybe one day Abigail’s little dream of turning John into a rancher would have room for Arthur and his girl to join them. It was a pretty dream.
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chromotps · 3 months
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#saw this and thought it’d be up your alley^^#very star crossed vibes haha
oh!! tbh i don't know if i've ever gotten a submission before haha i hope this works right
[steeples my hands] this is up my alley... the poetry... ace acknowledging luffy and even sabo are somehow different from him... the idea that ace is in the echoes around luffy all the time......
but also. I am a big soft depressed weenie (especially after getting off work lmaO) so i have to make ace happy eventually—EDIT: I got a second wind and wanted to stretch my writing muscles, so... Have a wild drabble!!
Even as it set, the sun's light washed over Luffy like honey: rich and copious. It was something Ace couldn't lift from his brother's skin no matter how hard he imagined. Luffy was meant to be like this, golden.
Ace knew it was an odd thought, but he couldn't help it. They were sharing a rare quiet moment at the hill where they'd wept for Sabo. Now, with Ace's departure drawing near, he found his mind meandering down strange, overly sentimental paths, especially when it came to his brother.
Breaking himself out of the pattern, Ace unwound a hand from where it'd been wrapped around his knees, and gave a cursory yank—tugging on the tattered, too-big hat resting against Luffy's back.
"You don't really need this thing, do you?" he said. "You never get burnt."
Luffy, interrupted from idly pulling at the grass around him, looked up with an affronted expression. "Of course I need it! It was a gift from—"
"From Red-Hair, yeah, yeah, I know." Ace sighed. "I'm not saying it's not important to you, relax. Just that you don't need it—the sun doesn't bother you."
Luffy tilted his head, goofy preteen face squinting at the clarification. As if he had to think of everything in concrete terms, Luffy pulled the hat off his back, holding it in his hands so he could contemplate it.
A grin spread across his face. "I guess you're right! I'm still glad I have it, though." His smile was dazzling; Ace didn't look away, but his heart suffered a pang for the lack of action.
"It's a part of my dream, like you said." Luffy nodded. "As long as I have this, I'll know I'm on my way to becoming the most amazing pirate ever!" He looked at Ace then, grin turning impish. He'd probably been swept up by another one of his dumb ideas.
"Hey, Ace, you should start calling me 'Captain Luffy.' It'll help me get ready!"
"Pfft." Ace grabbed the hat from Luffy, and stuffed it back over his brother's head. Luffy couldn't see his fond smile, whining like he was from beneath the wide brim.
Ace held the smile while he spoke over Luffy's whine. "As if. Try that again when you've actually got a crew to boss around, and your own ship."
"Aww. C'mon," Luffy sighed. He sounded put-out, but he didn't refuse Ace's next unspoken offer: the older teen knelt, facing away from Luffy, arms lifted back to accept his brother's weight.
He didn't need to say anything at this point, the two of them so used to the tradition. Ace would carry Luffy, piggy-back, to Dadan's at the end of the day. Luffy climbed into his hold easily, chin resting over Ace's shoulder, childish pout still in place.
"I'm gonna do it some day, you know." So petulant.
"Sure," Ace said. It sounded dismissive, but he didn't actually have any doubt in his mind. He knew he'd lose Luffy to that dream eventually.
His brother might be right here in his arms, and they'd wake up tomorrow close enough to touch, like always. But Ace knew he'd never really belong at Luffy's side. He didn't belong at Sabo's, or his mother's, or Dadan's; but he especially wasn't meant for Luffy's.
They entered the forest, everything dimming in the earthy shade. Luffy was drowsy at his back. Ace's overactive brain thought that only made sense. The sun would naturally retreat, with night coming on.
Twilight gave way to dusk; a branch snapped somewhere in their vicinity, and Luffy tensed ever so slightly against Ace's back.
Well, Ace couldn't have that. And so he hummed. If nothing else, he could do this for the brother he couldn't keep. He'd make sure Luffy stayed safe and grew up strong. That way, if he ever faced something dark on the path to his dreams, he'd have a song in his heart instead of fear.
"S'not even that sunny," Luffy mumbled. Ace paused, turning his head slightly, but it wasn't like he could get a clear look at Luffy right now.
He kept on walking, but asked, "What was that?"
Luffy sighed. His tired, warm voice drifted by Ace's ear. "I don't really need the hat, 'cause we spend most of our time together here. In the forest... Right?"
He sniffed sleepily and then continued, "The sun doesn't really reach us here. N... Nothin' does." In what seemed like a total leap in logic, Luffy then said, "You don't really have to call me 'Captain.' When it's just you 'n' me..." Luffy yawned. "...none of that other stuff matters, 'kay? I'm just Luffy, and you're just Ace. S'all there is."
Ace blinked.
He squeezed Luffy's leg in his grip, and kept walking.
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irkimatsu · 1 month
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I don't think I made a single OC during my time in Matsu fandom, but Hazbin's gotten my furry wheels spinning, god damn you. I'm gonna ramble under the cut to try to get my thoughts straight.
-Almaz (Nina Sinclair), squirrel, non-binary. An 80's one-hit-wonder who died in their 30's after self-destructing and overdosing on drugs, is in love with Husk. I've posted plenty about them before.
-Richard Brenning (hell name still undecided), white rabbit, died in his 50's, pansexual male. An 80's star like Almaz, but unlike Mazzie he got more than fifteen minutes of fame as a singer, reality star, and general tabloid menace. The "controversies and scandals" section of his Wikipedia page is longer than Mazzie's entire page. Absolutely covered in sparkles. I know his outfit includes a sparkly purple vest with nothing underneath, and I keep wanting to give him a hat, but Husk already has a top hat so I don't know what to do there just yet. An egotistical little shitheel at first, possibly an Overlord? Almaz looks up to him but he's a bit insensitive about the whole "one-hit-wonder who self-destructed, don't they all" thing. He'll chill out with some character development and eventually settle down with Angel Dust therefore freeing Husk for Almaz to pursue
-Clara? Originally made her to fill a request but I think I'm keeping her. Still need a last name for her, she keeps her birth name in hell. A small black bear, looks more like a teddy bear than a wild animal. Mainly dresses in floral print. Grew up with Alastor and knows he enjoys hunting, but is willfully ignoring the nastier aspects of her "big brother in spirit" in an attempt to preserve her happy childhood memories of him. Was born after Alastor but also died later than he did, in her 60's, I think? If that request stays canon to my OC's then she has a thing for Husk, but Husk is immediately bitter of her connection with Alastor, so that's not going anywhere. Still no idea what landed her in hell. Is "willful ignorance of the fact that your best friend is a serial killer" a sin?
And Husk's family, all of whom I still need to name:
-Husk's ex-wife was a black woman who lived in the middle of nowhere with nothing but her dreams. She moved to a rapidly growing Las Vegas in the 30's to chase those dreams, and started singing songs she wrote in the same bar where Husk would play saxophone with various bands. The two hit it off beautifully and had a wonderful marriage, with Husk spoiling her with gifts and trips and encouraging her singing and poetry... until everything fell apart because Husk just couldn't get his addictions under control, no matter how hard he tried. It's not his fault, exactly... it just sucks for everyone involved. Don't know what would have landed her in Hell, but I do want her to see Husk again so they can try to get some closure. ...and the pronoun use here is a bit strange because I think she'd realize she's transmasc while in hell? I want something where Husk's spouse thought they were a cishet woman in life, but due to Husk's own experience with the Las Vegas queer scene he always had his doubts about that... but he couldn't risk outing himself, so he never said anything while they were alive. They'll meet again, Husk will take their new gender identity in stride and finally get to come out to them as pansexual, maybe they'll try to rekindle their romance but the spark is fully dead on the spouse's side, Husk desperately needs this closure before he can pursue anyone else. He doesn't expect his spouse to forgive him, he just wants them to understand he never wanted to hurt his family...
-Husk's older daughters, twin girls. Still highly undeveloped, except that they stay close for their whole lives and Husk utterly spoiled them as much as he could while he was still able to see them. Husk has participated in princess teddy bear tea parties, I will die on that hill. They were preteens/early teens when their parents divorced, and a year or two after that their mother stopped letting Husk see them because he's a drunk deadbeat piece of shit. I'm so sorry, Husk. They started families of their own, Husk has grandkids, but he has no idea because his daughters never tried to re-establish contact with him in adulthood. They have their fond memories of him, but also some really shitty ones, especially after an event I'll be talking about in a moment. It's complicated.
-Husk's younger daughter, who I want to flesh out for one horrible reason... the idea of Husk losing his daughter in an accident, blaming himself for it for the rest of his life regardless of what he could have done to save her, and sinking further than ever into the addictions that would ruin his marriage in short order. I'm so sorry for doing this to you, everyone who's involved. She's in Heaven now, and if Husk ever ascends there will be tearful reunions god damn it please
I haven't decided on species for Husk's family, but none of them are cats; the cat thing is specific to him for his manner of life and death, figuratively drowning in alcohol before literally drowning in a lake. Cats hate water, after all. The others don't have that connection to cats. I'll figure them out eventually.
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minheeskitten · 2 months
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Some of my opinions on kpop.fandoms and general fandoms as well:
-You can't call yourself the parent of a fandom if only a few people call you that. Don't force it. No one can say you are part of any family without you consenting to it.
-Fanwars are stupid and have no place in kpop. And fanwars in other fandoms make people who are in multiple fandoms feel bad. Stop starting fanwars. They're useless.
-Making idols act like you are family is gross and creepy Especially if you try to get them to call you 'mom' or 'dad'
-People who collect album versions instead of photocards deserve just as much a chance to show off.
-Fatshaming any idol is wrong. Even Sh*nd*ng. No matter how much you hate anyone. Do. Not. Fatshame.
-Titles mean nothing. "It girl" and "It boy" are useless terms. This isn't high school.
-Anyone under 18 is a child. Don't make *any* sexual comments about them. Its gross.
-"S/Hes so fine' Is a sexual comment. As is anything of the sort. If you think otherwise, block me.
-If an idol says they're uncomfortable with something, a specific photo set or something else. Stop using it, and spread the word.
-Stop asking idols to marry you. They *can't*. And they likely don't want to.
-If you're creepy/ making an idol uncomfortable in a fancall you should get banned from fancalls with them.
-If you call anyone in their 20s 'old' you are factually incorrect as well as obviously a young teen or preteen, and you shouldn't be interacting in fandom until you learn to interact. Fandom has no age limit, but there shouldn't be any age shaming.
-No amount of bullying is okay. Don't be ableist, or rude. Or racist. Kpop has no space for that. Fandom in general has no space for it.
-You shouldn't be ableist. Fans have disabilities, and you not allowing those fans into fandoms, is why you're toxic. Not everyone who is disabled has a 'visible' disability.
-Dont make fancams, if you don't want people to use them. Fancams are gonna be used. If you don't want others to use them, don't make them.
-If an idol wants to ruin their reputation by doing stupid things, then let them learn it the hard way. Trying to teach an idol who doesn't want to learn is stupid.
-If an idol wants to ruin their reputation by doing stupid things, then let them learn it the hard way. Trying to teach an idol who doesn't want to learn is stupid.
-Defending islamophobic idols is stupid. And it only proves you yourself are islamophobic (if you are, gtfo my page.)
-Stop making every little thing a scandal so quickly. It's pointless and just gets more unrightful hate.
-Stop blaming groups for things when the company is the one in the wrong. Most of the time, it is the company in the wrong, not the idol
-Hold your idols and companies accountable for their mistakes.
-If you see a scandal or issue, do your research and look into it, instead of just spreading it around.
-Don't overreact to scandals or problems. It's pointless and just becomes hysteria.
-Idols shouldn't be made to feel ashamed of needing glasses to see. Or any sort of aid like that.
-Purposely ignoring a boycott of a group is wrong, and oftentimes will make the groups situation worse. (i am begging you, boycott e'last rn)
-Calling any group a 'flop' is rude. It's even more rude when they clearly aren't.
-Stop acting like you know the idol personally. You're a fan to them. Yeah they want to know fans, but there's no way you'd know them personally from fancalls.
-If you say an idol is being problematic. Show us your source. Where did you hear it from. Tell us.
-Don't tell people who are using a fancam to source the fancam. They're not always going to source it. It's only appropriate if you're asking so you can use it as well. And do it nicely.
-If you are incapable of basic human decency, you shouldn't be interacting with idols or other big figures in your fandom.
-Don't shame someone based on how many albums or photocards they have. Their worth as a fan is not based on those things.
-You don't need everything an idol ever suggests they like. Don't waste your money on something you won't use.
-You don't need any merch or anything at all, to call yourself a fan of someone or something. Saying otherwise, is rude and classist.
-Don't bash fan creators. They're doing this for free. This includes, editors, artists and fic writers. Even if you don't like the content, don't bash the creative behind it. Block them and move on with your day, it's that simple.
-Stop being so fucking judgmental. Not everyone is going to be like you, accept that.
-Every fandom has toxic people. No fandom is free of it. Stop focusing on outcasting other fandoms for having toxic people and start outcasting those who are toxic within your own fandoms.
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italeteller · 8 months
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Is there any modern isekai anime you think are actually worth watching? Or is it all just the same toxic wish fulfilment garbage at this point?
Fear not anon, there's actually some good modern isekai anime still! But first, some hearsay:
-While I didn't personally vibe with it, I've heard a lot of good things about Re:Zero, but I've also heard a lot of bad and cringe things about it, so it's up to you I guess
-Ascendance of a Bookworm is another I don't know anything about, but I've heard good things
Now for the ones I have actually watched:
-My next life as the villainess: all routes lead to doom! is a 2021 isekai where a teen girl dies and gets reborn into the world of her favorite dating sim, but she's in the body of Katarina, the awful rotten-hearted villainess, and to top it all off she's 7 years-old.
Katarina soon realizes that, if her new life progresses the same as the game's, all she's got to look forward to is banishment or death, because game!Katarina is a major bitch so nobody loves her, and she starts taking measures for her inevitable doom: she learns to farm so she'll be able to procure food is she's banished, tries her hand at magic and swordfighting so she'll be able to defend herself, and other stuff like that
She's also a naturally nice person to everybody in the game so all the boys and girls end up falling in love with her, which she completely doesn't notice because she's dead certain that the game has to go on the preplanned route so she has no idea everybody who's supposed to romance and/or befriend the game's protagonist wants to jump her bones instead.
It's a pretty fun series, and while it's no benchmark of storytelling, it does have a few genuinely good plot twists and heartwarming moments. I wish it would end up as a proper bisexual harem, but I knows the odds aren't good, sadly.
Also, if you do watch it, stick to the first season. The second season is bad. Like Bad bad. Makes you regret the time you spent watching it-Bad. There's a movie coming on December, which I hope is good and redeems the franchise, but if not, the first season is good
Saihate no Paladin/The Faraway Paladin is another 2021 isekai where a random dude gets reincarnated as a baby in the ruins where a great evil is sealed, and gets adopted by three undead: a skeleton warrior, a mummy priestess and a ghost wizard. They raise him, teach him to fight, magic and miracles, and then send him off to the world when he turns 15. It's a pretty decent story, it has a slow start, taking some 5 episode to properly set up the MC's circumstances and goals before his journey, and it's got a second season coming on October so if you wanna catch up, you'll get more content soon
My only problem with it is that it should be a fantasy anime. The isekai part is... I mean it's there, it seems like there will be something with the gods and the different cycles of reincarnation, but it could very easily have been a fantasy story and lose nothing. The main character having been a random japanese man before reincarnating doesn't really add anything, so idk if you wanna count it as an isekai or not
Tensei Shitara Ken Deshita is a 2022 isekai-that-should-have-been-a-fantasy where another random japanese dude is reincarnated into a magic sword. He immediately goes "welp, time to discard everything about my previous life and be the best sword I can" and begins slaughtering monsters to grind levels. He eventually becomes a super OP weapon and that's when he gets found by his future master, a preteen catgirl slave whose caravan is escaping from a two-headed zombie bear
The catgirl gets the sword and kills the bear, the sword uses his telekinetic powers to kill the slaver by snapping his neck 180° degrees, burns the slave contract and they team up. The sword restores the girl's name, Fran, which she had lost when she became a slave, and Fran names the sword "Teacher", and they set out to grind levels so that Fran may evolve - because she's a member of the Black Cat race, which is the only race in that world that can't evolve, which is why they're discriminated and sold as slaves, and Fran wants to prove her race can evolve after all
This one I have a love-hate relationship with. It does a lot of the shit I hate on other isekais, but it also does a lot of things I like. Yes, Fran is ridiculously OP with little effort thanks to being able to share Teacher's skills, and she breezes through most challenges effortlessly which is often anticlimactic as hell, but she's got an actual tangible goal and a personality so she's already more interesting than your average isekai MC. There's no romance and almost no fanservice, and when there is it's always with the adult women in the series, so that's another bullet dodged
But on the other hand, the slavery plot is introduced, and then dropped almost entirely except for a bunch of obviously evil people who all get punished, and meanwhile everybody else is super nice to Fran and nobody brings up the fact that hey, she was a legal slave until not too long ago and her race is still being enslaved and nobody's doing anything about it, ain't that fucked up? No? Nobody wanna say anything? Idk, it's a fun romp but it's also very power-fantasy-trash at the same time. It's got a second season confirmed in production, maybe that will do something with the slavery plot
The Magical Revolution of the Reincarnated Princess and the Genius Young Lady is a 2023 series that should really have a shorter name, my god. It's another should've-been-a-fantasy isekai and it's. Hmm. It's got some amazing first episodes, but then they tried to cram A LOT of plot into the rest and fucked it all up. A lot of stuff makes very little sense, character motivations are all out of whack, and you get the feeling that they really needed another cour, or at least 6 more episodes, to fit it all in properly
It's one of those series that you can see the potential it had, how great it could've been if it had been allowed, and it makes you kinda sad that you'll never see it unless you go to read the light novels. The reason for this rush is that the studio wanted to end the series on the end of the third light novel, which is where the main girl gets together with her girlfriend as a canon, explicit, openly gay couple, which is a deeply respectable, dare I even say admirable goal, but I still wish it had had more episodes so it hadn't had to sacrifice the rest of the series for it
The Executioner and her Way of Life is a 2022 series, the final pick of the list, and the one I like the most, so of course it's only got one season and no confirmed sequel because god hates me, personally
The main character, Menou, is a teenage priestess from her world's church, and she's also in charge of killing all the japanese people who get isekai'd into her world. Menou doesn't enjoy the killing and feels guilty for it, but she knows she must do it to stop the ridiculous powers the isekai'd are given from bringing ruin to her world. One such power is the one that turned her whole village, people and buildings alike, into ash when she was little. She was rescued and raised by Flare, the world's strongest warrior, whose power is only matched by her mental instability, which she gladly passed to her apprentice
The story proper begins when Menou meets Akari, the new japanese teenager in town, and finds out Akari's power prevents her from dying. Thus, Menou takes Akari on a trip across the continent to see the sights and find a weapon strong enough to kill her before Akari goes nuclear. Akari, meanwhile, is ecstatic, because she doesn't know Menou wants to kill her, and because she's down horrendous for her from the moment their eyes meet, loudly and openly fantasizing about the romantic adventures they'll have and telling her stuff like "you're the only one for me" to her face
As the series goes on, you start to notice there's something very, very wrong with Akari
Another such character is Momo, Menou's junior who is also loudly and openly in lesbians with her, very annoyed that Menou spends so much time with Akari, and also very off in the head. I hope you're seeing a pattern here
The final character in this delightful ensemble is Asuna, the princess of the realm and the most well adjusted character in the series. She's a wandering knight who loves a good fight and develops the most hilarious crush on Momo, who wants nothing to do with her and is constantly antagonizing Asuna, attacking her, ambushing her and throwing her into deadly traps, only for the princess to walk it off and offer to buy her a drink. It's honestly hilarious
And there you have it, my personal isekai reccommendation list. Hope you find at least one that suits your tastes
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My Story
How it all started
I was not born in to the religion but i do consider myself a born in. It’s all I’ve known. My mother was baptized when I was five or six and soon after married my step-father. I do not remember any birthdays, Christmas’, or any other holidays before that point in my life.
My step-father was a fourth generation born in and the religion was everything to his family. We were to carry that legacy on in whatever way possible. Whether by volunteering our time in service or our money in helping others in the congregation. We were to make sure we did nothing to “bring reproach on Jehovah’s name”. It was serious business. Our life revolved around the religion. Not only in our spiritual life but our work and personal life.
My mother was no slouch either. She may have “come from the world” but she was a serious and studious student of the bible. She was a good JW wife and mother. Took care of house and home. Served the congregation as best she could despite her ailments. Our house consistently had brothers and sisters in and out for dinners, barbecues and other get togethers.
I became an un-baptized publisher somewhere between 10 and 12. Not because I felt a calling or anything but because I knew it was expected of me and I already went on service every week with my mother so really it didn’t change anything. I just now had to report those hours I preached.
Doubt
I started to doubt as a preteen. Evolution was one sticking point. I had a very science oriented mind as a child, still do. I just didn’t understand how science could say we evolved but Witnesses say we didn’t. I questioned my mother and she tried to explain it to me and then did what every witness parent does. Pointed me to the “creation book” or Life-How Did It Get Here? By Evolution or by Creation? I read it cover to cover but I still couldn’t shake the idea that hundreds of well educated people came to the conclusion that we came to be through an evolutionary process. But eventually, I knew there was no fighting it, so I just let it go.
Then came doubts about the bible itself. There is so much in the bible that makes me question the organization’s narrative of a loving God verses what God does in the bible. If a person was to do what God did in the bible, I would say that that person was a sociopathic war criminal who should be tried for their crimes against humanity. If you’re someone who believes in the Christian God and believes that the things written in the bible are literal, I’m sorry but this is just my opinion.
Eventually, the expectation of baptism came. At that point, the reasons for me being hesitant wasn’t that I didn’t believe, because I really didn’t know what I believed. I know I wanted to believe, but that was because I knew that if I expressed that anything other than belief, it would alienate me from my family.
Since I wasn’t baptized and underaged, I knew I wouldn’t be kicked out. But it would definitely strain the relationship I had with my mother and sisters. Looking back now, I realized that I would have been in for lecture after lecture from my step-dad. It wouldn’t have been the loving (guilting) approach of trying to bring someone back into the fold I would be reproached for making what he thought was bad and idiotic decision.
I knew there really was only one decision I could make. So, I set the date when there would be an assembly, so I would have to be baptized in front a huge crowd, and I started the questions to be done with two elders. I was baptized in my mid teens.
I look back on that day and I feel numb. I think I felt relief at the time because it was done. The anxiety of knowing that people would constantly be looking at me with the expectation of my baptism would stop. I know now that I didn’t do it for the right reason. I didn’t believe. I just did it, because I knew there was no other choice.
My Step Father
And I continued being miserable. I struggled with my belief and it was not helped by my family life. Like I said, serving Jehovah was supposed to be everything in my family, and that included everything little thing in someones life. How one kept there home, how someone conducted themselves in front of someone else, how someone’s attitude towards work was. And to my step-father there was only one correct way of doing things, and if you didn’t do things that way then as a person, something was wrong with you fundamentally. My father’s way of thinking was based on what the Watchtower taught but to an extreme that I didn’t see in many other family in the organization.
So if the family wasn’t perfect in everything we did, that was not acceptable to my father and we were berated and shamed for it. Sometimes, it felt like nothing my mother did could ever be enough. She strove to keep the house clean to his standards but sometimes she was too tired or there was too much on her plate and he would berate and belittle her. It felt like us kids were never allowed to be kids, we were expected to just get it. You make a mistake once and that was it. Sometimes even a mistake wasn’t allowed. It felt like we were just supposed to know how to do things without explanation.
We would be subject to lectures that would last hours. He would bring up my mothers life before being baptized to shame her. He would imply that she somehow passed on some of her “undesirable” traits on to us kids and that’s why we acted in a way that he didn’t approve of. He would criticize everything little thing we did. Honestly, looking back, some of the things he would criticize us for, was kinda ridiculous. Things that were really not important. In the end, you were left feeling worthless. Trying you’re best would never be enough because if you try your best and you fail, then to him, that means you weren’t trying your best.
Turning Point
After a particular grueling and emotionally exhausting fight, I just couldn’t take it anymore. I went to my mother and told I couldn’t do it anymore. I told her I didn’t believe anymore and that I was agnostic. I told her I would move in with my biological father. Although I was still underaged, I still felt the need to move because I knew the tension would be too much for me. She told me alright but she also reminded me that I wouldn’t be able to talk to my siblings or her anymore. That I wouldn’t be able to see my youngest sister, who was a baby at the time, grow up. That broke my heart, but I said I knew and she said we would talk with everyone later.
That lasted about the day. The reality of my decision caught up to me and I couldn’t take the thought that I could never speak to my family again. Before we could talk to the family I went to her and told her the reason I said all those things was because I couldn't live in a house where in our religion we’re taught one thing but at home we are expected to live an extreme way that one can never attain and that I wanted to stay and I would continue going to meetings.
This reason was partially true. What I was experiencing was what broke the camels back but I was also still questioned my beliefs, I just didn’t want her to know that. And so I started to push everything away, or at least I tried to. They were there, I just ignored them. I overcompensated what I could do to counter the fact that I knew I had doubt and didn’t do more to be involved in the organization. I made sure to keep up to date with everything. I did research for meetings and I probably knew about more events in the bible than my sisters who regularly went out on service and gave bible studies.
Sometimes I look back and wonder if taking everything back and staying was a good idea. I sometimes regret it. I feel I might have saved a lot of heartache.
Leaving
2021. Coming up two years into the COVID-19 pandemic. My sister got married on the 21st of November. On the 28th of November my mother wakes me up. It seems that my parents were waiting for my sister to be married to tell the rest of us, so as not to ruin my sister’s wedding.
I was having one of my bad health days and just couldn’t muster up the energy to get up for meeting. I initially thought she was coming to see if I would be getting up for meeting. She tells me that’s alright, she and daddy just need to tell the family something and after that I can go back to sleep. My hackles immediately rise. Family discussions are usually a toss up on how they can go. I would have never even guess what was about to be discussed.
I walk downstairs with my blanket wrapped around me and sit on the couch. I notice that my mother’s laptop is dialed in to Zoom but not connected to the TV as it usually is, so our family can view the Zoom meeting on a bigger screen. We wait for the everyone to settle in. When everyone is settled my mother moves the laptop to the next room and closes the door because although everybody is usually muted she says she’s any thing can accidentally happen and our conversation could be broadcasted. I get more and more confused by what is happening.
My father and mother look a little nervous. I can’t remember if my mother or father was the one to speak first but they just came out with it immediately. Told us that they would not be going to meetings anymore. I couldn’t believe it. They told us about several things that led them to making that decision.
They told us what they found out about the organization’s hypocrisy with their dealings with the ‘world’. They were a NGO in the UN in the 90’s. If you’re a witness you know that the UN is regarded as the wild beast in Revelation in the bible and that as a witness you are to stay politically neutral and not be a part of any governmental organization. So them being apart of it is kind of a big deal, even if it was only for a decade. They told us of the white-washing of the organizations history. The failed predictions. The double standards expected of different countries.
I remember at one point they turn to my youngest brother and apologize to him and tell him that he was right. You see, a couple of years ago, my brother made it known that he did not believe in the organization and that he was an atheist. That definitely put a strain on the family.
I do not remember who brings it up, but somebody mentions the child sexual abuse in the organization. I have always told myself that that was a line that could not be crossed. That if I found out that the organization was implicit in the cover up of child abuse, that that was it. I could never be in an organization like that.
So that was that. They told us that they wouldn’t stop us from still attending if so desired. They offered to send us all the stuff they found out about if we wanted. They knew that my youngest brother wouldn’t anymore for obvious reasons. My youngest sister was only 8 so, she was just glad to not have to have to wake up early and still for meetings anymore. My oldest youngest brother was past the age that people expected to get baptized, because he always wanted to be 100 percent sure of something before he committed for something and I guess he couldn’t get committed because he wasn’t convinced.
And as for me, I think my mum already had an inkling of where my mind was at, based on previous conversations we have had and provided that time I had told her I couldn’t be a witness anymore. Even if that was years ago. I didn’t give a definitive answer but based on what I said in the conversation, the could infer that I wasn’t going anymore as well.
I let it stew for about two or three days. I guess I just had to let myself come to terms with this big thing that would change everything. I found that I was probably the calmest I had ever been in my entire life. I felt no anxiety. I realized I felt light like a weight had been lifted. I asked mum for all the stuff she found. It didn’t change anything, just gave me concrete proof of what I already suspected.
Aftermath
Unfortunately, we did not leave unscathed. We decided to fade. For those not in the know. Fading is when someone decided not to announce that they will no longer be a Jehovah’s Witness anymore. They will stop going to meetings, without saying anything. This way the elders technically cannot disfellowship (ex-communicate) you. So technically family and friends brave enough can still talk to you without the elders telling them anything.
My parents decided they would tell my sisters, not everything but just that they found stuff out and that they could not in good conscience be apart of the organization. That did not go over well for one of the three sisters and later a second one.
The youngest sister of us four oldest basically told us she had to shun us. She was on my parents insurance and requested to be removed even though she is incredibly sick right now and needs it. She sold the car my parents gave as a wedding present. She only calls to update my mum on her health condition. Because the youngest is not baptized, she still talks to her. She tried to keep in contact with the oldest brother but he would try to ask questions about the organization that’s he could not answer and he got frustrated, so they don’t talk anymore.
The third oldest at first seemed like she wasn’t going to shun us. It seemed just strained at first, which was expected but then she just disappeared. She quit working at my parents business and would not tell my mother where she would be working now. When mum would try and text her, she would only give one word answers and so communication petered out.
The oldest after me still talks to us. She works for my parents and regularly calls my mother. My youngest sister goes over to her apartment almost every Friday. Though the relationship has recently become strained because she is in between my sisters and us. Trying to be neutral but that obviously can’t last forever when my sisters ask her not to talk about them.
Now
Now it’s been 1 year, 4 months, and 14 days since that day. (Yes I did look up exactly how long it’s been.) I have missed two memorials, and have not attended one meeting, assembly, or convention since then. I have gotten therapy. (Shout out to my amazing therapist) Birthdays have been celebrated. We celebrated Christmas last year for the first time. My sister got to dress up for Halloween.
I am trying to move forward. Trying to find myself in the rest of the world. This blog is supposed to be a first step. Hopefully I get there.
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yagirlpurplefox12 · 2 years
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Imagine: Being in Love with Clay Barber…and Him Feeling the Same
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Gender Neutral Reader
Age Gap (You’re 23 years old)
Long one-shot not edited
Being a child actor was hard for you, especially when you wanted to do a hundred different things. Unlike Zack, your fellow childhood friend costar, you threw a tantrum every time your parents wanted you to do a new tv show or movie. Zack, he did everything but he had the luxury of having a clinging mother and being oblivious of the real world.
World of drugs, violence, sex, neglect, and most importantly exploitation.
Yes, you did love being on the show “Step Right Up” but sadly no one could save you from your parents and self. Especially not Clay Barber, who you had started gaining a crush on when you became a preteen before the show ended. Though he was a world class ass with a drinking and drug problem, he was still nicer to you than your whole family and fake friends. Sticking to just being friends with Zack actually made you feel less lonely and you started to become more passionate about other things in life.
Music.
Games.
Horror movies.
Of course, your parents since you were their money source wanted you to pursue these—and you did—but not how they wanted you to.
After “Step Right Up” ended, you rebelled like no other making the media and fans to never forget about you. You didn’t do anything bad per say but your music was incredibly truthful about your life and Hollywood that it helped changed the music industry…which then changed the film business as well.
You were depressed.
Broken.
Abused.
Suicidal.
Making music at the young age of fourteen, your parents started backing off not wanting anymore attention than what was already brought by you.
Skipping over a few years later, you go to a comedic show.
Clay was one of the comedians which was why you decided to go. Teens and adults were excited you were there and wanted your autograph, pictures, a hug but you didn’t really pay them any mind. All you could do in the crowd of the theater was to stare at Clay Barber. And he stares back.
That night you two went to a Mexican restaurant and though you knew he was just being kind, you called him out on it.
“The question is (your name), why are you here with me? Out of everyone from the cast you are the most successful. Even more than the ginger kid and the duchess. You changed the music industry and even slowly changing the modeling and acting field. You’re doing all that while I’m just a fuck up. A young, talented pup like you shouldn’t be with an old dog like me.”
“I like you.”
“Well…maybe you shouldn’t.”
And you agreed, you shouldn’t but not for the reasons he gave you.
What you didn’t know at that time was that Clay was enjoying your company. And that he loves your music and videos, even if the genre isn’t his cup of coffee, loves the different roles you took because you actually wanted to be in the movies, and how resilient you are against your family. To him you are like the lovely painting, Mona Lisa. Remembering how you were as a kid, smiling to everyone even though he knew it was as fake as your parents love. He’d pay to see your parents drown for how much they caused your suffering.
Then, by some fucked up miracle, you get a call from Hulu three years later about them wanting to reboot the old sitcom you grew up doing. At first, you wanted to tell them they can “shove it,” but instead you put on your adult pants and told them you’ll call the extension back with your answer. Hanging up on them, you think about Zack, Reed, Bree, and ultimately Clay.
Dialing Clay, you shook your leg nervously and impatiently. Doing this every time you text or call him, you can’t help but feel shy and anxious.
“Hello,” he answers amusingly.
“Have you heard about Hulu doing a reboot of “Step Right Up”?”
“Wait what? Are you for real?
“Guess you haven’t got the call yet.”
Standing on set, you take it all in.
Childhood memories, mostly unwanted, come swarming in and it’s almost hard to breath but no one know you are having a panic attack. At least that was what you thought. Clay sees you after he greeted Bree with Reed and as those two are having an awkward moment he decided to walk over.
“How long has it been?”
“About a year,” you breath out, beating at yourself about being too busy with movies and record deals to see Clay at least once in awhile.
He smiled and opened his arm for a hug. Gladly accepting it, you bury your face in his shirt, trying to get your bearings back as he rubbed his warm, big hands over your back comfortingly. “Chin up, we’re taking a picture.”
After a long failed picture attempt because of Reed being too much of a theatrical actor, you meet the director and learned almost at the end of the day that the original director came back…and you’ve dealt with men like him. He’s not a bad guy per say, Gordon, but when he said to Reed, “Who the fuck do you think you are,” it racked chills to your core and instinctually sitting next to Clay you grab his arm.
You have never seen Gordon like this.
Yeah, you may have seen him call Reed and Clay a bunch of stupid Jackasses. But for him to blatantly pull out his authority card, you wanted to just go the hell back home.
Away from here.
Realizing that you are a talented and important person, the chills from you vanish. About to take your hand from Clay’s arm, Clay puts his hand over yours and gives it a squeeze but keeps it on him arm. Looking at him, you see that he is scared.
Remembering the only reason you accepted coming back was because of him, you squeeze his arm to your chest and keep him there. He doesn’t react, solely focused on the confrontation happening.
Would it affect you if the reboot never happens? No.
But it sure would affect him.
It became clear when he told Hannah at her door that if he doesn’t do something during the day, bad shit finds him…you are guilty for laughing at that but it was funny when he said it.
From that day little things would happen between you two.
Friendly smiles passing by.
His hand on your back.
Light touches in scenes.
You giving him sips of your soda since he can’t drink alcohol.
Him giving you random snacks before rehearsals.
Little things like that.
After Zack’s mom gave him a blowjob, he felt great at that time but not satisfied. Sure, he has mommy issues but he knows who he wants to give him a blow.
You.
Whether you’ve done it or not, he doesn’t care. He’d first show you pleasure and then teach you after if it’d be your first time. And him thinking this after he left Zack’s mom in the trailer—he felt disgusted from not only thinking about you but not being with you. A double whammy.
And seeing you walk by, giving him a wave, he knew then and there that he was screwed and wanted you.
“(Your name), we need to talk,” he knocked on your trailer’s door. Opening it, there was silence. Wanting to talk but not being able to from the twist of atmosphere and how deeply he was staring into your eyes.
Finally, he steps forward to let himself in and captures your lips.
“We need to talk pup,” he whispers and takes your mouth to his once again.
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plantdonutwrites · 4 months
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i stole this from @redstringraven, for funsies!~
bree 🐝🎨🌟
five random facts: 01. the first thing bree ever learned to cook was french toast, which she learned to make at nine years old. 02. she dreams of refurbishing a yellow school bus into a home that she can live in and drive around everywhere. 03. her dream jobs other than being an artist include: being a beekeeper, an art director, and a kindergarten teacher. 04. she is a collector of countless things: pressed flowers, postcards, trading cards, rocks... the list is truly endless. 05. her art style is at times cartoon-y and at times semi-realistic, and her "specialty" is drawing and painting mundane environments with something whimsical or magical about them, i.e. small, personified forest flora living in mushroom houses, ducklings swimming in a kitchen sink-turned-pond... so on.
favorite food: banana bread, chicken nuggets, tamales, & veggie chili.
least fav food: potato salad, white chocolate, sandwiches w/ meat.
cause of stress: being overstimulated. crowded, loud places. feeling left out. not knowing where people are. people arguing. dogs sitting by themselves in cars or in front of houses or stores.
a quote i associate with them: "if we don't tell people how we feel, how will they know?"
min-ji 🎧🍵🐰
five random facts: 01. she's always wanted a rabbit as a pet, and specific ones she likes are black otter rex, french lop, and teddy dwarf. 02. min-ji has been playing piano since she was 5 years old, but she wasn't tall enough to play it properly (alone) until she was 10 (lol). 03. she loves to read, especially fantasy, and is one of those people who can read an entire series of books in 1-3 days. she annotates a lot, dogears pages--the books she owns are very much well worn and loved. 04. her favorite/most used emoji is n.n 05. min-ji is ambidextrous, or "why not both-handed" as mikey calls it.
favorite food: chocolate cake, tteokbokki, sushi, tempura, & barbecue.
least fav food: hot dogs. onions. anything pickled. italian food.
cause of stress: feeling like she's being watched. small spaces. underground spaces, like the subway. being sneaked up on. comparing herself to others.
a quote i associate with them: "i think too deeply about everything. i still don't know if that allows me to see more of the world, or less of it."
yunsol 💌💐🎀
five random facts: 01. yunsol's first glimmer of a "gay awakening" was disney's version of pocahontas. cue a paradigm shift in preteen yunsol's life. 02. one of the things she loves to do to relax is to either take a late night bath or swim; she considers these things extremely self indulgent. 03. she loves reading and watching romcoms, kdramas, romance manhwa/manga... especially ones that are sapphic. but she keeps her gay media under lock and key... literally. 04. after min-ji's accident, yunsol and min-ji became much closer as she supported min-ji through her recovery. in her late teens, yunsol got a tattoo of two cranes to symbolize her and min-ji's closeness. it's located on the inside of her upper left arm. 05. she secretly wants to learn to play the electric guitar.
favorite food: stews, ramen, stir-fry, spicy foods, & homemade dumplings.
least fav food: sweets (if they're too decadent). italian food. hamburger meat. oatmeal.
cause of stress: the risk of being outed. having to put on an 'act' for her friends and family. keeping secrets. confrontation. trying to establish a balance between work, socializing, and self care in an authentic way. her parents' high expectations.
a quote i associate with them: "vulnerability is clumsy, but it's the only thing worth anything."
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The top two characters will be eligible to proceed into the bracket!
Propaganda under the cut.
Skitter:
Do you know what you have to do to hurt someone in a fight if your whole power is “controls bugs?” It’s never pleasant. And this is a girl with an almost pathological drive to fight people theoretically much stronger than her. Much maggots-in-eyes and spiders-on-dicks ensue. Committed to being a hero initially, ends up becoming warlord of a whole city while defending it from super-poweeed spree killers, monstrous kaiju, and timeline-severing mobsters. Saves humanity through mass mind-control.
Shes so fucking morally ambiguous I don't even know where to start. She wanted to be a hero and then over the course of 1.7 million words she tricked me into thinking she was rational and ethically sound when she cut out someone's eyes, held someone's dying son hostage in front of them as leverage (she was killing the son), put maggots in someone else's eyes to eat them slowly, shot a fucking toddler with no hesitation, and she's such an amazing unreliable narrator that you root for her. She's genuinely so good at convincing herself that she's morally sound that she convinces the reader of it as well most of the time, but despite the atrocities (and there's a fucking ton of atrocities) she's genuinely a girl who wants to do good and help the world. She fights serial killers, provides food and water and shelter for people who need it, gets her back broken trying to save people, and is generally willing to do whatever it takes to help no matter what that entails. She's a girlboss who is terrifying and determined enough to kill god, she's willing to do anything for the greater good, she has a fucking orphanage as the bottom floor of her supervillain lair. She's so so complicated and such a twist of good and brutality and I cannot stress enough how compelling and morally ambiguous and girlboss she is. I have never seen a character who fits the title "morally ambiguous girlboss" more in my entire life and frankly I doubt I will, no one does it like her.
she went from aspiring hero > supervillain > warlord (still a supervillain) > hero > mind-controlling every cape in the multiverse to kill god. and she did kill god. so. girlboss. but on her first night out she used her bugs to bite a man's dick off. that man? trying to kill kids. those kids? teenage supervillains. she initially joined their teen supervillain group to betray them to the heroes, then joins for real. their boss kidnapped a preteen girl and got said girl addicted to drugs. he used a heist taylor was in as a distraction to kidnap the girl. taylor becomes a warlord and does all sorts of awful things to the other gangs in the city (including putting maggots in a guys eyes, and carving another man's eyes out (bug dick guy) (everything grew back)). the reason she did this? so she could kill her boss and free the preteen girl. She's taken over the city at this point, she's a warlord running a supervillain gang. what's she doing with this power? improving the city's infrastructure. she runs her territory like a panopticon, if anybody who can work isn't working they get the bugs. she's also running an orphanage out of her home. she decides to step down as warlord and join the heroes. while she's in custody, what does she do? that's right. kill superman via dry land drowning in bugs. now she's a superhero. she does stakeouts and pursues gangs to force their younger/more sympathetic members into superheroism. why? to fight the end of the world. the end of the world comes, god is killing every earth in the multiverse and things aren't looking good. what does taylor do? she asks a bio-kinetic who got sent to supervillain alcatraz for sister rape to give her on-the-spot brain surgery. this brain surgery lets her control any person within like 18 feet of her. she uses a portal guy to manage to ensnare every cape in the multiverse and unite them in her fight against god. One cape has a stress induced aneurysm. how do they ultimately defeat god? she makes large-scale replicas of his dead wife everywhere, making him so sad he becomes killable. girlboss. (sorry this was so long! i started and then just kept going. worm is 1.68 million words long and a lot happens in it)
Holy Shit. Holy SHIT dude. She rotted a man's dick off with spider venom. and then she did it again (it grew back). and then she cut his eyes out. this is the first guy she meets. she mutilates *so many* people. one time she withheld a life-saving epinephrine shot from a dying man (he was allergic to bees. she controls bees.) as extortion material. she shoots a baby (it was a mercy). She cut a girl in half (which was actually pretty high up there on the "most heroic things she did" list). She was Seinfeldian rivals with the most dangerous serial killer in existence, until she trapped him in Hell Forever. He's like still there by the end of the second book. she kills God by bullying him to death. All* of this was probably the best thing she could have done in the situation. the tagline of the book is "doing the wrong things for the right reasons." The worst thing she ever really did was to pretend she was straight though.
Did she kill an orphan? Yes. Did she put maggots into a man’s eyes? Yes. Did she do all of this while having intense homoerotic tension? Yes, and that is why she is a girlboss. She also killed Jesus
Tattletale
She has a power and her power is being an asshole. Her supervillain name is Tattletale because she will not shut up about things you didn’t want the world to know. I mean yes she does try to save people but she’s mostly saving them because less people means less lives to ruin!
Miss Militia was submitted without propaganda.
Bonesaw was submitted without propaganda.
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hourglass-dreams · 1 year
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Angst/Whump Isabela Madrigal Headcanons🥀🌵
Disclaimer: this is going to be a similar warning I had for the Bruno headcanons. These are going to discuss the subjects of generational trauma, body image issues and eating disorder behavior. This is not meant to make the movie about something it isn't.
I will not go into graphic details about any of the more sensitive subject matter. But one of these will have a trigger warning and this symbol "⚠️"
If you disagree with me that is fine! But, please.. don't be hateful.
Anyways... on with the list. 🥀
There have been so many times in her life where she didn't feel like she was a human being. She either felt like she was a monster because her pent up anger and resentment or she felt like an object to be admired just to be tossed away later.
Almost every adult in the Encanto tells her that she looks so much like her abuela. This started out as an honor, she loved her abuela so of course she'd want to resemble her in some aspects but as she got older, she began to hate when people said that. It felt more like an obligation rather than a compliment. Like, since she looked like abuela, she had to BECOME abuela and NEVER let her down no matter what.
Despite her being "the golden child' she actually saw Mirabel as more of her parents "favorite". Mirabel could actually bond more with their dad, be honest with her feelings, and live a "normal life". Without even meaning to, their parents did pay more attention to Mirabel and it made her feel so inadequate.
When she was in her mid to late teens, she realized that the "crushes" she had on guys were very forced and she could never relate to the other girls that fell head over heels for guys in the village. But she knew she was attracted to other women and this terrified her. Not because her family had anything against it, but because if she did date or marry a woman, she would be going against her abuela's wishes and she was scared of being shunned by the family.
Even though Mariano was deeply in love with Isabela, he knew she wasn't in love with him. She was so uncomfortable and distant towards him when it came to anything romantic when they were alone, and when they were around people, it felt fake. Neither of them wanted to cause conflict so they never discussed it.
TRIGGER WARNING FOR THE NEXT ONE: ⚠️
⚠️
Because of the emphasis so many people put on her "perfected performance", it caused her to very self conscious and aware of her actions, words and looks. This included her eating behaviors. She started eating less and less until the family was noticing and it made some members very concerned. So Isabela started to eat "normally" but then engage in purging behaviors. Though she tried really hard to hide this, Dolores found out and confronted her about it. She became so weak that the flowers she grew were dull in color and couldn't think clearly. Luckily this didn't last long enough to cause permanent damage to her body. But the urge to fall back into those patterns never quite go away. ⚠️
Isabela and Dolores were very close when they were little, but started drifting apart around their preteens. Dolores fell into Isabela's shadow and she started resenting her (even though she never expressed this outwardly). This caused their cousin relationship to be strained for years until after Casita was rebuilt, they rebuilt their connection. Isabela still feels bad about Dolores being shoved into the back, though she didn't have much control over that.
There were so many times where Isa broke down in her room at night. She eventually stopped doing this when she just grew numb to everything.
(Again I might add to this ^^)
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takaraphoenix · 10 months
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I'm overweight. That's not really news, that's been the case since about third grade. And I'm not stupid, I'm aware that certain medical issues can arise from being overweight.
However, even without a medical degree, I'm about 99,9% sure tonsillitis ain't one of them.
So I'm currently sick. On week three of this shit now, actually. The first week, I spent on antibiotics that... clearly didn't really help. But after they were empty, I went back to work, because I was feeling better. That worked for three days, over which things got... progressively worse again.
All the symptoms of the tonsillitis. The trouble breathing and swallowing, the extreme exhaustion, the dizziness when doing too much. Everything I'd been feeling back then, including the swollen tonsils, which was the deadest give-away for me as a non-medical expert.
So I went back to the doctor. The doctor that is not my usual doctor. But apparently it wasn't bad enough for another round of antibiotics yet. So she went on to investigate like something else must be the cause of this.
And now, to bring this back to the opening of the post, the "something else" had to be my weight, because her first question after that was how much I weight and how long I've been weighting that. And beyond a blood test, she also wanted to test my sugar ASAP.
I don't have diabetes. I know that. My grandpa and mom have it, my mom regularly makes me test my blood sugar levels, it's never done anything suspicious before.
And even if it did, I do not know how in the world my blood sugar levels would relate to the sore throat and swollen fucking tonsils that I came into the doctor's office with! But sure, test my blood and give me the Pikachu face at my normal blood sugar levels.
When she, later in the evening, called me with the results of my other blood tests, she noted a heightened liver reading, which I told her that my regular doctor already noted before and said we should get into at some point - to say that this isn't related to what's currently going on with me.
To which she replied she had his notes before her. And also that it ought to be a fatty liver, since I'm very overweight.
She didn't say that it was likely a fatty liver, or that it could be a fatty liver. She declared it. And also that it was also obviously because I'm overweight, in this definitive manner that places blame. You have this, that you brought onto yourself. This is your fault.
She doesn't even know if I have this. If that is what I have. She just has a slightly elevated liver reading. Slightly. Not even much. And from that, and my weight, she concluded, in a definite manner, that it had to be a fatty liver that also definitely came from me being overweight.
And I'm not a medical professional, but I still that there are other reasons for different liver readings. And also that there are different reasons for a fatty liver. Heck! Maybe I'm an alcoholic and that's why my liver is acting up (I'm not but hey).
I'm overweight and I'm aware of that fact and I'm aware that certain issues can be caused by that.
But the medical reason I came to this doctor for - my sore, aching throat and swollen tonsils that are the direct follow-up of me having been sick for a week straight with a diagnosed tonsillitis - are just not things that I think are in any way or shape related to my weight.
And even if they were! Her… declaration of a diagnosis without running any further tests, just has to be a fatty liver because it's a fatty patient.Her tone of voice. Her judgement. Because those were sharper than her actual words. It was about the way she said it, and the way that made me feel. Those were entirely inappropriate.
I've been overweight since third grade. And I had my preteen and teen years of body image problems and being bullied about it and all that cliche shit. But I've been okay with it since I was twenty. A singular person hasn't made me feel like crap about my body and weight like that since I was in high school.
The thing that infuriates me the most about all of this is that I know what's wrong with me. I knew it when I walked into the doctor's office. The tonsillitis is back. By now, full on, with all its perks aside from the fever (thankfully enough). But instead of prescribing me anything, anything at all, to help against the tonsillitis that isn't antibiotics, if it's not bad enough for antibiotics, this doctor had to turn me upside down to try and figure out how these symptoms could somehow relate to my weight.
And when she couldn't find a relation, she just... left me hanging. I mean, completely. She gave me nothing, and now, four days later, I feel so much worse, once again. But hey! Maybe now I am so much worse again that the next doctor I go to will try antibiotics again!
So I'm looking forward to taking my now progressively worse tonsillitis to the next doctor on Monday. And hoping to never see this one and her fatphobia again.
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beej-hunnicutt · 11 months
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Now I do not know anything really when it comes to religion, especially one I find so personally confusing like C*tholicism. And something particularly confusing to me are Saints and who they Worship why they Worship and what not. I don't know them all, or really what they have done. Though I know it's common to have a specific one you look to.
As it seems kids are often giving the medal of Saint Nicholas as he is a protector to them? Or whatever? I'm sorry guys I am trying my best. They like watch over and help so many things it's just a lot lol. Anyways, I'm thinking about John, as I feel his family was most likely very/extremely/rather religious. I'm sure when he was a kid-preteen he was given the necklace to wear and watch over him.
Though I think as a teenager he was much more pushed into the direction of caring and looking to Saint Anthony. Whether that was his own mother (and father) who kinda guided him there or his priest.
I won't go too much into it now, but I think in his teen years, he was heavily around and a part of the church despite his own wishes. The main reason being people in his life thought he was lost. Very big idea and could mean many things particularly for John, but that was a core issue people though he suffered with. With Saint Anthony, he protects Lost Things. Lost whether that means physically, materials items or most importantly spiritually. Which the last reason clearly would be why John was given him to look towards. John would rarely wear the necklace and often kept it probably in some drawer of his room. But he hated any mentions of him and he did begin to resent this figure more and more as it was a symbol of the anger he has already felt around everything.
John shouldn't be shamed for simply not believing in the teachings and the messages along with it. John didn't feel that he fit in there. He didn't have a place nor did he want it.
Anyways sorry this got a little long, just wanted to ramble about the Saint I think people gave John to watch over him and what not.
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