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deerixiie · 4 years

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u n e x p e c t e d g u e s t

ep 12: questions

previous / next (ep 13) / series masterlist

a/n: i was too lazy to edit or have someone beta so if you see a grammar mistake,,, no you don’t.

Kenma watched you.

He watched as you slowly set your phone down with a quiet sigh. He watched as you picked up Ankha gently in your hands and began to stroke her fur. He watched as you looked out into the distance, your eyes unfocused, your mouth curved slightly into a small frown.

Kenma found himself frowning, too. He didn��t like seeing you this worried. A simple appearance in the background of a livestream had turned your life on its axis, and it was taking a toll on your mental health, as well.

What should he do? He was the one you turned too, after all. But he was terrible with words—if saying his order at a restaurant was difficult, how could he even imagine comforting you?

His eyes dropped to the console resting a foot away from him, and he let out a tiny sigh. He wasn’t good with words, but he was good at video games.

Kenma extended the Switch to you with a soft smile. “Do you want to play?”

You played Smash this time, something that you picked up surprisingly easily. Kenma, however, wasn’t paying attention to the game. His eyes kept drifting back to you. You seemed more relaxed now that you were playing, but every so often your smile would drop and your eyes would unfocus.

Kenma frowned again.

Come to think of it, you only knew him for about a week—or maybe less? Why were you coming to him when it was obvious he couldn’t do much to comfort you? Didn’t you have other friends? There was Kuroo, the one who had introduced you two. (Though, now that he thought about it, Kuroo wouldn’t be much help.) Then what about your brother and his friend?

Kenma glanced over to you for what had to be the umpteenth time. He paused, considering his words, and then put down his controls. “Do you have any other friends that live around here?”

You didn’t seem as uncomfortable with the question as Kenma was, even offering a smile smile. “Apart from you, Kuroo, Hajime and Oikawa? No, not really. Why?”

“No reason.”

You shrugged. “Now that I think about it, it’s kind of weird, y’know? As a kid I basically clung to Hajime, meaning I was friends with Oikawa too. I haven’t really been the type for friends, per se?” You frowned. “Does that make sense?”

“No, I understand.” It was like that with him too—apart from you, Kenma’s closest friends were probably only Kuroo and Hinata. Everyone else was a mutual friend or an acquaintance.

“And whenever I need something, I would turn to Oikawa or Hajime. It’s actually weird for me to be coming here now. But,—” your voice became more solemn, “the thought of being in the house with Hajime and Oikawa just felt… suffocating. Being around you calms me down, I guess?” Your eyes widened at that statement, as if you didn’t mean to say it aloud.

Kenma ducked his head, wishing his hair was down so it would hide his blush.

You felt comfortable with him—and Kenma did too. Whereas talking to others gave him anxiety, he found himself easily being able to talk to you. (It was ironic, how easy it was for Kenma to talk to you but still not able to comfort you.)

His mind floated back to the conversation he had with Hinata. Kenma’s eyebrows furrowed. Did Hinata ever ask you about him? He glanced over to his phone, only to remember as he reached for it that you were still sitting there.

“Can you give me a second, Y/n?” Kenma asked, swiftly tucking his phone in his hoodie’s pocket.

You looked up with him with startled eyes. “Uh, sure! Go ahead.”

Kenma ducked into the hallway, pulling out his phone. Sure enough, a text from Hinata glowed on the screen.

Kenma sighed and slipped back into the living room. Your expression was thoughtful, although unfocused. You continued to stroke Ankha’s fur, but more aimlessly this time.

“Y/n?”

You didn’t move an inch.

“Y/n.” Kenma’s voice was louder. He took a few cautious steps toward you, saying your name a third time. You blinked and turned to face him, giving him a startled smile. “Oh, uh, did I drift off there?”

“Yeah.” Kenma sat down and picked up the controls. He paused and turned to you again, his expression full of concern. “Are you... okay?”

“Oh.” You gave a small shrug. “I’m doing better than before.”

“You kept drifting off.”

“Oh! I’m uh, I’m thinking.” You looked away from him, rubbing circles into Ankha’s fur. “I think I want to start all over again.”

“Start…” Did you mean your art blog or something else?

You leaned your head back. “Yeah, like, start my entire life with a clean slate. New blog, new twitter, new hobbies—” e/c eyes flicked to him, only for the briefest of seconds—“new apartment, new roommates.”

Kenma played with the controls, avoiding eye contact with you. “Do what makes you happy.”

“Yeah.” Kenma’s gaze snapped back to you. You had a wistful, almost dreamy expression in your eyes, a soft smile gracing your lips. “What makes me happy.” You looked back at Kenma and the expression dropped, a sheepish smile taking its place. “Ah, whatever, lets just go back to playing!”

Kenma frowned but picked up his controls anyway, sparing you one last glance before focusing on the screen.

Two hours passed rather quickly. You played Smash for another half-hour or so before switching back to Animal Crossing. Conversation was light, comfortable, and Kenma found himself easing back into that odd familiarity he had with you. You seemed to be doing the same, but every so often you’d look over to him as if to ask something and then back out of it, turning back to your Switch. It frustrated him at first—what weren’t you asking him?—but the hypocrisy of the situation humbled him. He couldn’t ask you a simple question either.

(But then again, there was a heavy weight over his question. Six simple words-will you go out with me?—carried much more meaning than six simple words normally did. What if Hinata read the situation wrong, and you only saw him as a friend? What if you said no? What if you exited his life almost as quickly as you came?)

Eventually you set the console down with a heavy sigh and stretched your arms above your head. (Kenma glanced over at the exposed skin before he could stop himself.)

“It’s already two,” you remarked, glancing down at your phone. “Are you hungry?”

“Not really.”

“Onigiri or inari sushi?” you continued, disregarding his response. “Do you still have some leftover rice from last time?”

“I’m not-” Kenma shook his head, letting his protests die away. “Yeah.”

You gave him a small, smug smile and walked over to the kitchen, humming to yourself. The sounds of cluttering pots and pans that Kenma oftentimes forgot existed followed.

She knows me better than myself, he mused. It’s been barely a week and you were such a strong presence in his life—was it because you watched his streams? Your friendship with Kuroo? You were popping up in the most unexpected places, first behind the counter at the flower shop, now at his front doorstep meekly asking if you could stay for a while. You chose him, even when there were so many others out there.

“You’re getting soft, Kenma.” Kuroo had said that to him last night after you went home, a smirk playing on his face. Kenma had shot the dark-haired boy an annoyed glance and a bitter retort, but he saw the truth in the statement now.

Kenma let out a quiet, defeated sigh. You were doing so much for him and yet he had nothing to offer.

He had to change that.

“Y/n?”

“Hm?” You turned around to him, expectant, and Kenma realized with a sickening churn of his stomach the reality of what he was about to do.

“Is there something on your mind?”

He couldn’t even ask the real question.

Your face falls. “Yeah, there’s a lot.” You glanced away from him, rubbing the back of your neck. “I’ve been meaning to ask you a question, actually.”

Kenma held his breath.

“Can I move in with you?”

The response flew out of Kenma’s mouth before he had time to consider it—something that shocked him, because he always was careful of his words.

“Yeah.”

previous / next (ep 13) / series masterlist

notes:

❍ im so excited for what’s happening next hehe

fun facts:

❍ punchy was napping under a couch so y/n couldn’t pet him :(

taglist (open, send an ask!):

crossed out couldn’t be tagged!

@rhaynedaze @1tsnoya @hnpriscilla @chaelysian @deimmortales99 @pantasticalcat @goosyy @loxbbg @officiallykuute @handsoffmyfriends @flrtykawas @kenmashoe @kingkagss @sempiternal-amour @sol-demure @bbecc-a @ggukiefrappe @ashleydaowo @space-flamingo @finnydraws @bakibakini i @satorispup @erininium @creativedogs @johnnysactualgf @bethbat @prcttylittlcthing @rachelexe @vanilla-beanzz @saccharine-sunflower-seeds @icaruskenma @aikochan4859 @knmsapplepi @h0ngh0ngh0ng @shhhspect @vicassa @crykv @a-applepi @beanst0ck @ephemeralninon @pocket-of-anxiety @kozumesupremacy @air-wreckaaaa @kageyamasbabygorl @kjalidd @lostmarimoismyhubby @oikawasphlatass @punicorn999 @sugawater @yn-tingz @memorableminds @mirikusashes @jiminifiess @semiis @elianetsantana@bwoodybwood @chaseyui (continued in replies!)

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musette22 · 3 years

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Minnie, I’m loving TFAWS and how it’s developed Sam and Bucky’s dynamic just proves how well Sebastian and Anthony Mackie get on in real life. Sam deserves the Shield and Bucky deserves to live his life. Also a massive appreciation for any fan artists out there because they have created some incredible stuff, Im studying art and design atm and I’m in love with what people create!!! But what I really don’t like is the fact that there are some people in the fandom who basically use the storyline and events in the show to drag Steve through the mud because of Shitty writing by the directors and make him the ultimate bad guy. It makes me sad because it shows how easily influenced shitty writing of a character affects the rest of how things play out and how it seems some didn’t really understand Steve’s character at all. We saw how close all of them were and how they gave us relationships between them were written to play off one another really well. Does it make me bad that I’ve basically not been going on social media when a new ep comes out because of this? Yeah probably but the discourse around him is something I’ve told myself not to get involved with, it seems to be everywhere because I know people don’t want to listen and I’ll probs end up ruining my day. The Stucky tag was always a good place to go for finding new blogs and enjoying new content that creators love putting out about Steve but lately (sigh)...I loved Steve’s character and I’ve been in the fandom since the first Iron Man film so long enough to have a good grasp on understanding what the characters and decisions are like in the MCU. I was heartbroken by so many decisions made in EG because of the directors writing, many people I’ve spoken to who are obsessed said it was an alright film but some things were out of character or did not make sense (I’ve got a whole list of you’re interested). People are moving on and growing with the content we are given but I just wish that shitty writing doesn’t define a character in the eyes of others, truly loving a character is understanding them and recognising that they were done dirty not by defining them by one thing that’s happened. The negativity is really off putting. Thank goodness for Ao3 and YOU, Minnie, this is one of the blogs I can turn to and live in the moment, I love your content because you haven’t let anything stop you from posting and plus the Evanstan stuff is such a bonus as I mainly get updates from you!! Love you Minnie and I hope you take care of yourself both Mentally and Physically. Xx

Hi darling!! Thanks for your message! I’m so glad to hear you’re loving TFATWS so far! Yeah you’re right, there are definitely folks out there who are figuring out that EG’s ending was bullshit and who are now condemning Steve as a character for it, instead of the creators. That’s incredibly frustrating, but there’s not too much we can do about that. Fortunately, there are also still plenty of people who can see the two things as separate, though! And don’t forget that a lot of people are not as invested as we are, and while they might now be saying “god that Steve was actually an asshole for leaving”, in a few months time they’ll be dressing as him again for the next costumed party, you know? Steve’s legacy lives on, while at the same time there’s now space for a new, equally unique Cap. Which is wonderful, and I believe the two will coexist just fine eventually!

The same goes for the Stucky tag, by the way: right now it’s obviously a minefield, but it’ll look very different in a few months’ time. It’ll be similar to what happened after EG, most likely (although of course I know things get a little bit harder with every setback - but this fandom isn’t going to let itself be crushed any time soon!)

In the meantime, good for you for looking after your own mental health and avoiding topics or discussions that make you feel like shit! That absolutely does not make you a bad person, I promise ❤️ You do you, enjoying the show and also reading those happy, fluffy Stucky fics (or whatever takes your fancy!) and reblogging a bunch of domestic Stucky fanart, if that’s what makes you feel good, darling! I’m glad you’re finding some comfort and a happy place in my blog, that makes me very happy too! Hope you enjoy the final two eps, and take care of yourself, okay? Lots of love! 😘

#fws opinions #anti endgame #steve rogers #stucky #minnie answers #Anonymous

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wri0thesley · 3 years

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many many anons under the cut bc i didn’t want anyone to feel like i was ignoring them and i wanted to respond to u all! warning for small text too, it was so long i wanted to make it look smaller fgbnjkgkjn

Anonymous asked: NAT... you can write WHATEVER you want! It's your blog, and I hope that rude anons can learn to respect that. I used to be on your blog just for jjba content too, so when you started getting into jjk I was indifferent but eventually you dragged me into jjk so hard!! I already like bnha, so seeing you write for it only made me happier! I hope that you continue to write whatever make YOU happy:) ❤and yes, longer fics certainly doesnt mean it's better, quality over quantity

ahh i’m happy that you are here for all three!! i always feel so accomplished when someone is like ‘your constant screaming made me think about jjk <3′. all three of the fandoms are fairly popular and i tag everything v carefully so i hope people who do use the filtering find that useful!!!

Anonymous asked: Goodness gracious. People really be out there thinking they're entitled to dictating what kind of content you should be making

i think part of it might be that i do take requests so people feel like they have like . . . a certain right to certain kinds of my content? i take requests mostly bc they keep me motivated, i like making content for ppl who cant find what they want bc i’ve Been There, but maybe people think i am a pushover? idk i am just trying to have a good time!!!

Anonymous asked: Hi. I only started following you a few days ago but please ignore that rude anon. People are so fucking entitled towards writers it's insane. I recently had someone throw a fit for "spoiling" something in my fanfic, even though the fic was about a manga-exclusive character, so what did they expect?? Overall I've really enjoyed your writing so random assholes coming to guilt you is just a shitty thing that happens. Keep going with what you wanna do.

ah gosh anon i’m sorry about that :(. i’m always super careful tagging spoilers and stuff but like, if someone clicks on a fic about say, naoya or the steel ball run boys and is mad that i spoil something they havent found out yet . . . yeah thats on them fgbnkjgfkjn

Anonymous asked: That...that anon had the nerve to say "we". The fuck?! No no no anon, YOU'RE the only one talking and you're just talking for yourself, don't you dare try and lump us other anons/followers up with you to make yourself look like you're right. We love you nat and we appreciate you. It's your blog, you're allowed to write about whoever and whatever. This brain dead anon just needs to either go read someone else if they're that salty or write their own stuff if they're that impatient.

gosh i WISH some of my mad anons would just write their own stuff honestly. idk if this anon thought they were talking for everybody but i guess they expected anons to agree with them and not be mad at them. i appreciate u anon ;_;

Anonymous asked: Just want to say that ily and you’re one of the best jojo fanfic writers in my opinion 💗 I don’t think you’re half assing jojo fics and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you being multi fandom. A lot of jojo blogs have started posting about jjk so it’s not as if you’re the only one. I’m not sure why you get hate like this but I think it’s just because you’re one of the popular writers and that makes people bitter for whatever reason. Keep being you and posting about the things that make you happy 💕

honestly after so long writing for jojo - i’ve written well over 200 jojo reader insert fics - sometimes it feels like i’m retreading stuff, and that’s when i take a break bc i dont wanna half-ass stuff!!! i love all of my fellow jojo friends who are posting about jjk too, i appreciate them <3.

Anonymous asked: Hey my dude, ur writing has really grown since the jojo days and its better and awesome seeing u become happier to branch off and write in different fandoms 🤌🤌 those stupid anons are just boring farts that couldnt be bothered making their own content 😤😤 is it possible to block them to ease ur mind?

hello anon!! i run a statcounter for IPs but it doesnt always work for ppl who access through the tumblr app, i don’t think; a lot of the anon hate i get i just use the ‘block’ option, but last night got to me because i’ve been getting that kind of writer a lot which is . . . a bad look for the jojo fandom who are, as a whole from the ones i’ve interacted with, lovely!!! <3

Anonymous asked: People often forget, the person behind art or writing, is just another regular fan. You deserve to be happy with what you create and we should be thankful you share your talent with us. You also have right to change your main interests, and it's very normal thing. Jojo is one of the MANY things that you write for and all you get from that is a like or share. Its not your job. It's your fun thing to do, in spare time. You haven't betrayed anybody. That person was just rude, selfish and bored.

i am just a person doing my best!!! anime fanfic is one of many interests i have and i already devote a lot of time to it honestly, i love when people tell me they’ve enjoyed something i made bc it makes it feel worthwhile but equally it gets to me a lot when people are rude because i am usually trying my hardest.

Anonymous asked: Bro that jjba anon... the entitlement🤮 Fam, you write whatever you want to write😤 -Saturday

dfnjbkjnkgf i find most fic readers are NOT entitled at all and are just grateful but when they are . . . oof.

Anonymous asked: It's funny how people throw "we got you popular" and they think you start apologize and cry. Your writing and passion made you gain few numbers on a follow counter, nothing more. I think I'm too old for stuff like this, we are nothing more, but +1 on a number scale. You ow us nothing, we ow you nothing. Popular... Funny word. You just write for fun of it, fake scenarios about someone's manga characters. It's not that deep. Have fun and don't listen to people like this. I knew it's not that easy, but they are really not that important as they think they are.

extremely fun fact for people who think ‘popularity’ is important to me: i would 100% rather have 10 people who regularly comment, reblog my fics with tags and interact with me than 100 people who read my fic and either leave a like or simply move on. i think this is true for the VAST MAJORITY of writers tbh. i’m glad that people think i am a ‘popular’ blog (i am not in the grand scheme of things, one of my ex-best friends used to run a kpop reader insert blog with like 30,000 followers) bc it gives me an ego boost lmao, but i really just want people to read and enjoy the stuff i write!!!

Anonymous asked: I followed you a while ago for jojo and when my friends started getting into jjk i was like...eh sounds like work...but now that I see you writing for it I feel really motivated to get into it!!! I really enjoy your writing and I want to be able to read the new stuff too!

ah anon i really hope you like it!!! it’s only one season rn if u wanna watch the anime and there isn’t too much of the manga to catch up on either but it is a lot of fun and it’s nice to be in a fandom that’s like, excited about a new chapter and new plot developments every week!

Anonymous asked: Pls dont reply if u dont want to! <3 I'm not sure if this will be of any help to you or not but this is the kind of thing that often helps me and is the only way I know to try comfort others so I wanted to give it a go~

Now im not gonna say 'dont feel bad pls' bc I know that's not really useful but what I do think is useful is just discussing why that anon and many others feel the need to respond that way. As someone who follows a lot of writing blogs myself and have done for a long time, i've seen my handful of favourite writers come and go for different reasons, lose motivation for a while, gain motivation for a while, go from multi to single fandom, or single fandom to multi. Often times as a reader it can be upsetting when things change but it's also important as a reader to understand that some things aren't in anyone's control, I can't control what my favourite writers become a fan of or lose interest of, I can't control things in their personal lives that may motivate or demotivate them to write, but what I can do is support them as long as they're active, and if they move on to do things i'm no longer interested in or i'm the one that changed interests, rather than being upset that they're evolving to do other things or that they're not evolving with me, I think it's important that I still feel thankful for the works that I enjoyed while we were still on the same page and this is how I personally deal with those negative feelings. I think the anons that lash out at you probably just dont know what to do with themselves, maybe they got attached to your works while you were still only a jjba blog and now that you're evolving they're upset, while I understand how they feel, they're going the completely wrong way about it. I've learned to take these things and turn them into something positive for myself or at least something bittersweet that I can move on from but the anons that lash out at you for whatever reason probably haven't learned this yet. Maybe it's because i've moved on and changed interests a lot myself that I know how these things go for both writers and readers but those anons maybe haven't experienced this as much so they dont know what to do with themselves other than complain that you've changed and throw insults at you in an attempt to get you to revert back. None of this is because of the quality of your writing like they want you to believe, it's literally just because you've evolved and while some of your old followers might not like the new content for no reason other than it not being their cup of tea, it's definitely not regressed at all. You are pumping out a lot of content right now but every single thing i've read has just been better than the last. Things that really stand out to me is how well you get characterisation down to a T and all of your dialogue is just on point and from the pov of a reader I think those things seem the hardest to get right so I am such a huge fan of your stuff at the moment and I can tell you're really putting so much thought and care into each and every fic no matter how fast you're producing it, I think the fact that you're also proud of what you're writing at the moment really shines through as well and I just adore the passion that radiates from every completed request as well as in the responses for the subsequent thirsts resulting from these works that appear in your ask box later (I know i've sent quite a few by now~)

Just to be clear i'm not defending those anons in any way, while I can understand what they might be feeling/why they're reacting in the way they are I still believe it's just so immature to be hateful online point blank. Even during a time where I still got upset with writers if they started doing something else I still never targeted that negativity directly to the writer and sending rude or hateful comments whether on anon or not never something i'd stooped low enough to do even when I still had an immature way of thinking, however, I hope that it might make it a little easier to brush them off if we try and understand what they're really upset about, and that they're just putting the blame for their negative feelings onto the wrong thing rather than coming to terms with change themselves.

hello anon!! i appreciate the long message. i do feel bad for people who have no interest in what i’m currently producing and i get that they feel upset about it; i’ve watched a lot of fellow jojo writers move on completely or just stop posting, honestly. this kind of thing is why i was so intense about asking people if it would be better if i made a separate blog but the resounding answer seemed to be ‘i’m just vibing with whatever happens and i’ll block tags as needed’.

i often return to works by my favourite reader-insert writers who no longer write for the fandoms i like (and i read stuff bc it sounds interesting or i trust the person who writes it), but change can be difficult and i guess at this point i’ve - whether u like me or not lmao - been a fixture in jojo reader-insert tumblr for a While so it’s probably kind of jarring.

anyway i really appreciate you and the nice words! <3

Anonymous asked: hi nat! I just wanted to pop in and say that regardless of what fandom you write for, the love and care you pour into your writing and into interacting with followers who care about your work as well is really obvious. you're doing this for FREE and people should appreciate what you've given us so far, since ultimately this blog should be for you, whatever that means to you at any point in time. it's ok to jump fandoms! the important thing is that you feel good about what you're producing and that it makes you happy. everyone else is just a bonus - but, seeing you on my dash certainly makes me happy : ) I hope you feel better soon!

thank you anon! i’m feeling much better and happier today. birthdays are very difficult for me (i did not think i’d be alive at eighteen, much less 25!) so this event is definitely kind of a way for me to concentrate on something else, and i’m a little bit extra sensitive atm. i appreciate you so much, thank you for the kind words!!! <3

Anonymous asked: Hello! I just wanted to say, write what YOU want and make YOUR writings as long as you'd like. 💖 To the anon who is like "We mAdE yOu FaMoUs dOnt HalF asS iT" stfu, let people do what they wanna do. If you think they half do it, write something better and longer you asshat.

this is an open invitiation to that anon to send me a link to their writing blog and i’ll hype them up i promise <3

Anonymous asked: nat i'm so so sorry about that ask please know that your older followers don't share the same opinion :( sometimes people forget about the living, breathing person behind the screen smh. you are not a machine. you absolutely should not restrict yourself to posting about one fandom forever. yes, we're first pulled in by your amazing content, but we stay for your wonderful personality and work ethic. please just keep being you, taking up projects you feel comfy with! <333 bless u

ahh thank u anon! unfortunately i actually am a writing robot, i’m sorry u had to find out this way. my jojo chip has been removed, please send it back so i can continue to not half-ass my jojo work. fgnjkbgjkfn thank you so much angel!!! i appreciate you ;_;.

Anonymous asked: i don’t think it’s fair for other people to say shit about what you choose to write about because on tumblr and other writing platforms, writers are constantly developing how they write and the fandoms that they write for. it’s not fair for someone to criticize that “you don’t care about jjba blah blah blah” because you can enjoy new shows/manga. and like you said you’ve grown so much!! proud of you nat and im glad that ive been able to read your works (sincerely other nat)

i am STILL waiting for you to come and fight me other nat fgnjkbnf. it’s nice to be enjoying different things! i am constantly learning new things and reading new works and making new friends and improving and i think that’s important. i do care about jjba - a lot! but i can care about other things too! <3

Anonymous asked: I may not be one of your oldest followers, but i've been here for almost 3 years. Yes, i started following u for ur jojo content, but let me tell u, ur newfound motivation and enthusiam for other fandoms was honestly contagiuos for me. And i say this as a person who finds very difficult to move from one interest to another. Jojo is great, but so are other fandoms. Please don't let some faceless scum rob u that motivation. This is ur blog and u r always free to write whatever u want.

honestly, i have been there! i am autistic and i have special interests and watching other people move on to stuff i’m not vibing with has made me sad in the past, but i want people to be happy more than anything and sometimes that means new things and change! <3

Anonymous asked: Hi Nat! I saw that rude anon message & I just wanted to pop in & say that they're wrong. You're not betraying anyone & you should write whatever it is you want to write. I followed you for jojo & I'm not familiar with the other fandoms that you write for, but personally it makes me SO happy to see you enjoying new things! It's always good to find joy wherever you can, so keep writing what you're interested in. There a lot of ppl who want to see you happy and healthy <3

honestly the idea of it being a GRAND BETRAYAL is so funny, i am just writing anime fanfic here and thriving!!! tysm anon! <3

Anonymous asked: Those anons can piss off! They have no right to judge how long or how short your writing is. If they want longer content write it their damn selves. I think your writing has improved wonderfully and I originally followed for Jojo and I'm enjoying all the content period. I don't even watch jujutsu ( not my cup of tea personally) but I love seeing the creativity and the interactions. You write what makes you happy Nat and that's on that! You don't owe anybody anything! I know how hard writing is and when your consuming new content it's hard to make content for something else. That doesn't mean you don't like it any more your just doing something different for a while. Love you and your content and I'm enjoying the love your putting into your content whether long or short. ♥♥💕 Sending love your way!

honestly my idea of ‘short content’ is still over 1k words, i’m not good at reeling myself in! i guess it’s bc they see like, 1.5k jojo fic versus 5k jjk fic but it’s not that i didn’t enjoy the first fic, just that the point and the story came a lot quicker and so did the natural end! thank you anon, i appreciate you ;_;

Anonymous asked: Hello! Just wanted to let your know that I think your writing is awesome, and that you should write for whoever and for whatever you want to! You dont have to stay loyal to one fandom or anything, and your followers shouldn't expect that from you! It's not like they are paying you to write, you are doing this for free, and because you enjoy it and it makes you happy! If they dont like your stuff, they dont have to follow you, they can go to other blogs that cater to their taste, and they definitely don't need to be sending you such hurtful comments, and they dont get to make you feel sad about your writing! Just because they followed you during your earlier stages of writing, doesn't mean you owe them some type of loyalty or compensation! You can write literally whatever you want as long as it makes you happy! That's what your hobby and your blog are for! I hope you know that alot of your followers love your work and think that you are an amazing writer and are down to support the work that makes you happiest! 💖💖

ahh thank you so much anon!!! i am always so bowled over by how many people are nice to me when something like this happens, i am sending you my love <3

Anonymous asked: don’t listen to them!! we love you as a writer no matter what you write, because you’re a good person and a talented writer!! you shouldn’t have to change what you write to please a bitter person, and if they only want jjba, they can go to another blog instead of bringing you down. you’re doing amazing and they should be thankful you grace us with your talents!!

to be totally honest, if i was half-assing or not vibing with content i was making i just. wouldn’t post it. like you’d be able to TELL when i was half-assing stuff just to get words out (source: i have re-read my own nanowrimo works). there are lots of great jjba blogs who could do with more followers n interaction!!! i hope they do find them and i hope they’re nice to them :(.

Anonymous asked: Please don’t pay attention to that anon. People only have that confidence when they have anon turned on. Them looking through your blog despite feeling that way is peak fan behavior and speaks to how addicting your writing is. Naturally, you can’t please everyone and there will be people who are irrational and feel entitled to tell you what to do or what to write no matter what. Trust me when I say they’re a small minority and are more likely probably passing viewers rather than regulars. I check your blog about three or more times a day because I love reading not just your fics but also your takes, banter with other anons, or even random updates. Brainrot posts? LOVE TO SEE IT!!! Desk update? AMAZING!!! With that being said, don’t feel pressured to continue pushing out content for others. Write what makes you happy! You’ve been writing for JJBA for 4 years and it’s completely normal + healthy to get into new media. I’m not sure if it would mean much, but your love for JJK has gotten me excited to start it too!!

anon i really hope you enjoy it!!! sometimes these anons remember stuff i’ve posted and said better than i do tbh, i am living in their heads rent free i guess!

Anonymous asked: I've been following you for a couple of years and honestly it would always be a joy to see when you posted. Your writing has improved and I'm very happy you're enjoying yourself ! I know it hurts hearing and seeing stuff like that but I'm happy you're here. I'm honestly blessed everytime you post. Your writing is phenomenal. I love reading it even if its characters that I dont care for. You capture their essences so well and weave an amazing tale within the prompts and whatnot. You're amazing nat!

wehh thank you so much!!! re: the improvement, i really don’t feel like it has and then i re-read something i wrote when i first started and i’m like oh my god maybe it has. did i really write about jotaro acting like that.

Anonymous asked: Hi Nat. I recently became a follower of yours and I'm really saddened to see you get hate. You seem like a genuinely sweet person with amazing talent! I'm a writer myself and, unfortunately, get the same kind of comments. And when you get those comments, it doesn't leave you feeling motivated. People need to understand that people can and will, at times, grow out of fandoms. (1 Not just that but you're doing all of this for free. Again, I'm sorry you got such a comment. But please know that I'm proud of how far you've come. I'm proud that you're living a life that makes you happy. And no matter what fandom you may find yourself in next, I will always enjoy your writing. Take care of yourself. (2 end

HELLO NEW FOLLOWER I LOVE YOU (i get a lot more a day now than i used to and i feel guilty about not being able to look through so many blogs but i do try and follow back other writers for my fandoms!! ;_;). i’m sorry you get the same kind of comments! i’m always just happy to see people i like enjoying new things, even if i have no interest in it (hello to all of my mutuals who write for hunter x hunter and haikyuu, not interested but i’m sure you’re having a great time and i support you!!!).

Anonymous asked: I'm sure you're getting a barrage of supportive messages now (at least I hope so) but I figured I'd add my voice, because I'm a longtime follower. Your writing is, and always has been, wonderful. I've been so happy to see you and Haz get to a place that works for you both. Idk if it's obvious for everyone, but you seem like you're emotionally in a pretty good place most of the time these days, and it makes me really happy to see that. I followed years ago for JJBA content, but I stayed because regardless of what content you put out, I find your wit delightful. And I'll stick around even if you move fandoms entirely, because whatever content or editorializing you produce is going to be worth reading, regardless of what it's for.

ahh, anon!! thank you for sticking around so long, sorry if you’re old enough to have been around the vore and jorts and spider rohan fiascos! <3 i am definitely a lot more stable than i have been and - barring the Pandemic Related Mental Health Issues - happier! i’m glad that it’s noticeable! <3

Anonymous asked: It actually makes me mad how entitled some people are. Nat, you're not a content creating machine and those who expect you to be are not worth wasting a thought on. Your love for something is not measured in word counts and for you to write every day without getting burned out in the slightest you really must have a burning passion and huge dedication to your craft. If others decide to send hate then allow me to send admiration because I can feel your love and hard work in each post you make!

i try and write every day bc it’s super good for my little ocd/autistic brain to have routines and distract itself, so i’m glad other people can enjoy them because that makes me motivated to carry on! like, i write for myself mostly bc the content i want i sometimes get find, but filling requests and writing for other people also leaves me with happy warm fuzzies too! i appreciate you!! <3

Anonymous asked: If people only care about your writing for the jojo porn that’s on THEM, not you. Your writing was amazing when I followed about a year ago, and it’s only gotten better and will continue to get better! I think it really comes through when you enjoy what you’re writing and it adds a whole other layer of worth to it, because not only are you making free content but you LIKE that content and we can all gush about it together!!! More than just fans, I think you’ve created a community here and we don’t just stick around to read smut, I promise you that. -Reronon

i do miss having a discord community bc it was nice to talk to everyone in real time but it was hard work, i am glad that people feel like they can just come into my askbox and gush! i’m not very friendly in real life and people tend to think i am cold and stuck up so i work very hard to try and seem friendly and approachable online, which is much easier for me because i get to think and re-draft before i type! <3

Anonymous asked: Hi Nat! I’m sure you’re getting a lot of messages like this right now but I just wanted to say for what it’s worth that, as a person who originally followed you for jjba content and hasn’t watched/read any of the other series you’re currently writing for, I’m honestly still along for the ride. This is your blog and you’re allowed to do what you want with it and put out what content you feel like writing. Sometimes??? People acquire new interests??????? Shocking! I know absolutely nothing about jjk or bnha but out of curiosity still read some of your posts about them and even though I might not Get It, I still enjoy them because I think you’re a very talented writer! Honestly, as long as you’re still writing, I’m still down to clown, and whenever you take breaks (which are important!) I’ll still be waiting for your return or supporting and respecting your decision to stay away longer. Don’t let the entitled assholes get you down. Utilize YOUR blog and YOUR space however YOU choose. Your talent and kindness speak for themselves. Love you!!! ❤️❤️❤️

anon i care about you and i am so appreciative of you and everyone for sending me such nice messages! i am running out of ways to say it but it’s true, it really does mean a lot to me ;_; <3

#nat.txt

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samwritesforyou · 4 years

Text

We’re gonna be okay

Diego x reader

Summary: You and Diego worked out a system for a situation if he ever comes to your place while being in the highest form of distress and needs your help. He assured you it won’t happen often. Until one night, it finally did.

A/N: i feel like i’ve read the whole tumblr dot com worth of diego x reader fanfics and yet i still wanted more, so the desperate need to finally write something myself has been fulfilled. i would actually love to take requests, so if you want, dont hesitate to message/ask me! im ready to write fics and headcanons :) (my blog might seem new but ive been on tumblr for years and years and i finally dedicated a new blog to mostly reader inserts, either my own or reblogging others)

Warnings: Mentions of a panic attack, gender neutral reader

Wordcount: 3,350

There was a knock on the door.

It was pretty late, but not too late for it to be Diego yet.

Or so you thought.

You got up kinda lazily from a comfortable chair you had situated in the corner of a room, at first designed mainly for reading or napping, but ending up doing absolutely whatever you could on the spot. Eating pizza, watching netflix, browsing through the internet after long working hours that you put in into your tiny art selling business.

You slightly opened the door and already plastered a semi-fake smile for a possible neighbor, but in front of you stood Diego.

Your dear friend, who was at the moment soaked from the rain outside, with big eyes, fast breathing and bloody hands.

Bloody hands?!

“Hello to you too, friend!” you said quite worried, quickly patting him down for signs of any physical pain. For the first time in a while he seemed fine, unscarred.

Your eyes finally went up, literally scanning his face but it was completely unreadable.

His eyes were wide and he looked as if he couldn’t comprehend what was going on around him.

You looked down again and took his fists into your hands. His own palms unclenched and you could see that they were heavily bloodied.

“Diego.. whose blood is it?”

No answer.

You rushed him inside and closed the door behind the two of you, facing the damn vigilante again.

“Diego, I need to know who’s blood is on your hands,” your voice grew steadier as you knitted your brows together in worry and confusion.

Only then the guy decided to move his arms and you noticed how shaky he is. He connected his two index fingers in the form of a cross, pressing it to his chest.

Your own eyes went wide now as you stumbled back a few steps and your mind went blank.

You instantly remembered a night that happened a few years back. He has come in crumbling through your window and was obviously in some new form of distress, that you couldn’t quite understand yet.

“Diego?” it seemed like your voice didn’t reach his ears, so you tried calling out his name again, getting up from the couch and patting him lightly on the body, to determine any sign of an injury.

It looked like there was none, so you tried to reach his gaze that was somewhat absentminded, all over the place, scanning everything but not meeting your eyes.

He was a tough guy, and you knew it. You knew that if you want to get answers, you need to either get them yourself or make yourself heard, until he cannot ignore you any longer.

“Diego Hargreeves, what is going on?” your voice was soft yet determined.

His dark orbs finally stopped on your face and he just shook his head, his breathing oddly fast for a man who was just simply standing.

You continued to push. You didn’t have the best day either, and to be interrupted at 1am by his visit was nothing new, but you couldn’t let him have this behaviour. Even though you’re friends, that didn’t automatically mean that he could do whatever he wanted.

Throughout the whole night he didn’t say a thing, but when you started adding volume to your voice, he.. he just broke down.

That night, you’ve witnessed Diego experience a panic attack. Caused by yourself.

You couldn’t fall asleep that night, even after you eventually calmed him down and the only thing that was left to do for you was to watch him sleep and slowly rubbing circles on his exposed arm out of the blanket.

It felt like neons before you noticed a first ray of sunshine drawing from the half-closed curtains, making you spring to your feet and drag your ass to the kitchen, trying to think of what to do for breakfast.

When you figured the recipe out and finished cooking, Diego was already up and joined you near the kitchen counter, next to which you had two stools.

He settled on one of them, looking at you.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” you couldn’t muster anything better, so you just put a plate in front of him and then sat next to his side, simply digging into your portion of scrambled eggs.

“About last night, y/n..” he drifted off, probably at first deciding that it’s better to fill his stomach a little bit.

In the meantime you didn’t dare to speak up and just waited for him to say something, anything.

When he finished his meal, he finally turned to you with a sigh.

“You know that one guy I told you ‘bout? That we.. we do some vigilante shit together from time to time?”

You just nodded, not meeting his eyes.

“Well. I guess I could count him as a close friend. You know.. and,” this was followed by a slight pause and clearing of the throat.

“He died yesterday. I couldn’t save him.”

Your eyes immediately shot up to Diego and all that vulnerability and hurt that you’ve clearly seen yesterday just overtaking him were completely gone. Now present only a strong facade that he mastered whenever he needed to hide from showing emotions. You hated it.

“Shit, Diego..” you spoke quietly and softly, all the words seemed to have left you in all the things unsaid in your throat. But you tried to continue.

“I’m sorry. And I’m also sorry for pushing you over the edge. I.. I didn’t know what happened so I just acted how we would normally do,” he smirked at that, merely for a second, but you still caught it.

“Look, I.. I know, “ he simply said and then it felt as if he was weighting pros and cons of telling you something else that was clearly on his chest.

“You always help me out. Every single night I come to you.. Why do you do it, y/n?” Diego’s eyes were steadily turned your way.

At the sudden question you raised an eyebrow, “well, I.. I care about you.”

He lightly bit his lower lip and turned his gaze away, clearly thinking about something really hard.

“Okay,” he finally said, “y/n, do you think I could ask you for a favour then?”

At that your eyes met and you felt nervous, for some reason.

You really liked him. Not just like a friend. But you understood that there probably won’t be a chance for you two to ever become a couple (mostly considering that you didn’t believe that he could feel about you this way), so you settled for friendship anyways, since you two really got along well.

And having this handsome tough guy as a friend? Damn, just that is already some kind of luck swinging your way.

But your feelings of course meant that.. you’d do more for him than what you’d do just for a friend. You would get out of your comfort zone just to help him with injuries or hear him talk about his girlfriend (at the time, now they were broken up) and how they argued so much that he ended up on the streets and didn’t really want to go to his lonely place at the gym.

And you took him in. You always did. And since the day you became friends you always care for him.

And you’d care now once again.

“What is it?” in your tone danced a question, troubled with what he might ask for.

“Well, yesterday-“ he cut himself from finishing and cleared his throat, starting over.

“I imagine we’re gonna be friends for a long time, right?”

You just pushed your brows up with a small nod in affirmation.

“I never had.. anyone, really, to help me with the states I often got into,” you immediately thought of Eudora, wasn’t his ex-girlfriend supposed to be his support pillar? Or is he just making you feel sorry for him-

“Or I didn’t ever trust anyone that much, you know,” oh, okay, that kind of explains that then.

“And I guess.. I trust you enough? To share this?” he talked quietly and mumbled a lot so you realised soon you won’t be able to hear him at all.

You grabbed his hands with yours and caught his attention this way.

You were never really touchy together, but occasional hugs and even holding hands was kind of a standard for you from time to time.

His eyes met yours again and you cursed yourself for your heartbeat getting faster. This is not an appropriate moment to get butterflies in your stomach, dammit.

“I’m listening, Diego,” you confirmed, nodding again.

“Okay. It’s- it’s just really h-hard to talk about this,” he stuttered a bit, but with the next breath continued again, “When there’s some situation that’s just completely fucked up, like losing someone close to me, or- or somethin’ else, I don’t know.. I finish what I need at the scene where it happened but when I come home I just,” he breathed some air in and you felt his hands squeeze yours a bit tighter, “I just break down, you know? Sometimes it’s just all too much for me and I don’t know how to deal with it and I would just wanna.. someone to hold me, I guess? Otherwise when someone’s trying to talk at me or somethin’ I just get even more worked up and it’s even worse.”

It all started to come together in your mind. Even though it sounded really strange to hear Diego talk about things like.. wanting to be held and shit. But you always guessed there’s a far bigger sweetheart and a soft boy underneath all those harness and knives.

You tried to pick your words carefully.

“So when I started to ask you shit.. You just flipped. Basically because I was talking at you a lot and you couldn’t take it anymore, right?”

He sighed and looked somewhere up, nodding bit by bit.

“Yeah, yep. That was it.”

You clapped at his hands lightly, to bring his focus back again and he looked at you and mustered a sad, faint smile.

You did the same. In the world you lived in, unforeseen and unfortunate events were happening left and right and thinking about his childhood and everything.. no wonders he developed such a huge reaction and coping mechanism to something catastrophic happening.

“That’s okay, Diego. I’m here for you, I mean it. Let’s just talk about some things what I should and shouldn’t do when you come here in that state, alright? I just want you to feel comfortable.”

“Alright. Thank you, y/n,” he was looking down now, the whole morning kinda failing to meet your gaze and just rubbed his thumb across your hand, which send you heart into a race again.

You slowly let go of him, making an excuse to go wash the dishes.

After a while you looked behind you where he sat and said, “We also need some sort of a sign that you can easily show me, since you’re not really talkative when you get like this.”

Apparently he already used said “sign” somewhere, because he had it on the ready.

It was his hands clutching in fists, index fingers crossing each other in a form of a cross, pressed to his chest.

“Something like this. But don’t worry, I don’t think it’ll happen often. That would be really sad,” he laughed a little and then looked at you somewhat longingly and you averted your eyes back to the sink, nodding.

You almost forgot about that and now it all come flooding back.

Something terrible must’ve happened. You were panicking, but you had to stay strong, for him.

He was still standing in your hallway, with a crossed index fingers pressed to his chest.

“Okay, okay..” you mumbled more to yourself than to him, taking his hands into yours and looking him up and down.

He really seemed.. disconnected. It was kind of scary and you tried so hard not to think about what happened. Or about who died.

“Here, come with me, Diego,” you led him by the hand towards your couch as he was holding onto you, but his usual grip was gone.

You both ended up on a sofa and you really didn’t know how to act around him now, because.. he didn’t talk, didn’t look at you but when he did, his eyes were wide and big and he just seemed suddenly like a small boy to you.

Hopefully he won’t remember this tomorrow, you thought and tried to smile a little bit at him.

“Okay. Can you get your hands up for me, baby boy?” You’ve decided to approach this situation as if you were just babysitting an overgrown child.

Because nothing bad happens to children normally, right? And if you kept thinking about him as usual grown man Diego, you’d lose your mind in the process, wanting to scream and shake him by the shoulders until he spills you what happened.

Being Diego’s friend pushed you to new limits each day, truly.

He didn’t bat an eyelid at your tone change and word choosing, just obliging and putting his hands up.

You helped him to get his knives down and put his black turtleneck over his head, so now he sat shirtless right next to you, hands still smeared with blood.

Goddamit the blood!

You took him by the elbows and lead Diego to the bathroom, where you helped to get the red out of his hands. At the sight of blood dripping down into the sink you deciphered a whimper from him, even through the sound of running water and looked up.

Diego couldn’t stop looking down at his hands and tears were running down his cheeks.

You quickly took his face into your wet hands from the water and forced him to look away and lock his gaze with yours.

“Hey, don’t look at it, okay? It’ll only make you stressed. Until I’m done you can just close you eyes, okay?”

“Oh-okay,” he said and just closed his eyes here and there.

You sighed and tried to finish washing his hands as fast as possible, cursing under your breath pretty often.

“I’m sorry..” you heard him mumble and when you looked up, his eyes were still shut.

“Nothin’ to be sorry about.. We’ll talk about this tomorrow, right? Don’t worry. You’re safe now,” you smiled as you were already wrapping his hands in a towel and his eyelashes fluttered, eyes opening.

You stayed looking at each other for a second longer than necessary, but then you already lead him away to the bedroom area, where you actually tucked him in, wrapping in a soft blanket and then rushed to the kitchen, grabbing a few cookies and then leaving it on a plate next to him on the night table.

You almost made yourself comfortable on the couch, when he suddenly called out your name from the bed.

You sprung to your feet, thinking he’s actually hurt but you didn’t notice or that- “Can you... stay with me? P-please?” he asked, disrupting your train of thought. You did expect this, but still felt really shy about that.

Diego is vulnerable right now and does need your help and presence though.

And there wouldn’t be anything you wouldn’t do for him.

“Sure,” and after this simple answer you carefully climbed in next to him covering you both with a blanket and he curled up closer to you, almost immediately falling asleep.

From one point of view it felt like you wouldn’t sleep at all tonight, but from the other one.. you actually fell asleep just as fast as he did.

To nobody’s surprise you woke up first and actually flinched at the sight of sleeping Diego inches from your own face.

Your mind went running with ideas what happened and what’s going on until you realised the real deal and your brain caught up to yesterday’s shenanigans.

It was a wild ride and you were thankful that now it’s - most probably - over.

Your eyes were subconsciously scanning his face, until you realised what you’re doing, but you didn’t stop even then.

You’ve never been this close to his face yet and now you could admire and explore every part of it.

Having feelings for a friend that’s laying in the same bed with you at the moment is really not the healthiest thing that could’ve happened to you, huh..

You actually froze and your heart started racing billion times faster when you realised that you have a weight of his arm around your waist, pulling you closer from his sleep.

He grunted and his nose was now in your hair, shuffling a little to get more comfortable.

You had no idea how to change positions, especially when being held by such a strong arm as his and you got a feeling like Diego might actually wake up just about now, so the best solution that came into your mind was to forcefully close your eyes shut and pretend that you’re still sleeping.

He did, indeed, wake up. You were suddenly pushed to the other side of the bed, arm disappearing from your waist and a waterfall of curses fell from his lips quietly.

You used up all your acting stamina to make a believable scene of you gaining your conscious from the deep slumber that you were obviously in, stretched your arms for a good effect and finally opened your eyes.

You immediately signed up for a staring contest as soon as you looked at him and smiled a little. His face remained unreadable but perhaps a little bit flustered?.. But you may be reading too much into it.

“Hi,” you said with a higher tone than intended and Diego just nodded at that.

You tried your luck by addressing the elephant in the room right away, you never liked ignoring the problems that were always looming over you, “care to tell me what happened yesterday?”

He drew a big sigh and rested his head back on the pillow, looking up at the ceiling.

You couldn’t stop looking at him. At first because you really wanted to know the mystery, but the longer you looked at him, the more you realised that you’re just admiring the beauty that he holds, until his words fell like a dead weight right onto your shoulders.

“I found Eudora’s body yesterday. I couldn’t get to the place in time and someone killed her.”

What?

It felt like what he said was simply a trick of your imagination. You liked Eudora yourself, she was a very intelligent and an interesting person, you two often hung out and that feeling didn’t cease even after you found out that she and Diego started dating.

And even when they broke up some months after, you still found your way to spend time with her. So did Diego.

You wanted to cry, but thought that it might be insensitive towards him, because he was much closer to her than you were, so you tried to swallow your forming tears down.

“I’m.. I’m so sorry, Diego..”

“It’s your loss too, I know it, y/n,” he looked at you with much softer look this time.

“Come here,” he said a little bit hesitantly and opened up one arm towards you.

This was unusual, but maybe last night’s events tore down some walls?.. Who knows.

You almost threw yourself into his embrace and once your forehead rested on his chest, you started crying.

From everything, honestly. There’s been problems at work, your seemingly unrequited feelings for Diego didn’t help much either and now you learned that you lost one of your friends.

He started rubbing circles on your back, just letting you get those emotions out, while you two were hugging each other on the bed in your apartment.

And as you slowly started to calm down, he said a gentle, “it’s gonna be okay. We’re gonna be okay”

#diego x reader #diego hargreeves x reader #tua diego #diego reader insert #the umbrella academy #tua fanfic #umbrella academy x reader #diego hargreeves #number two

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majoris · 3 years

Text

sooo, I’ve been tagged in the thingies again and I guess I’m gonna annoy y’all again so there. (Under the cut though, cause I’m a lil considerate??? sometimes. Also excuse I’m in a weird mood today)

@inyoursheets & @lanafannabanana (thank you for that ❤️) tagged me to:

answer 30 questions and tag 20 blogs you are contractually obligated to know better.

name/nickname: Karolina. I let people struggle. gender: cis woman star sign: gemini sun & libra moon height: 170cm birthday: may time: 21:52 favourite bands: not one for favourites, especially in music. There's so much good music how can I pick?? Also, fav genre is an easier question lol favourite solo artists: same here, how can people pick ?? But talk to me about music anytime esp if we have similar taste song stuck in my head: she knows this by Kid Cudi, been vibing with album since it came out tbh last movie: wonder woman '84 babey! last show: his dark materials when did I create this blog: hmm, I think I moved to this one in 2012 ? what I post: MILFs, women, hands, quotes, pics, art + lots of various fandoms last thing googled: vera wang (don't ask) other blogs: got my old shit archive around plus some res blog do I get asks: sometimes & those are usually unexpectedly nice like wow why I chose my url: cause space following: 467 but I'm pretty sure 80% are grave blogs rip followers: like, ten, probably average hours of sleep: between 4-8 I think ? but who knows honestly lucky number: don't think I have one, has not reveled itself as of yet instruments: like, do I like them or ? what am I wearing: leggings, socks and this crewneck with creepy ass santa and bunch kids (been said it's five of them, I did not count so don't take the word of strangers on that) dream job: don't have one ??? but always wanted to do something creative, not one thing all the time etc dream trip: soo, just wanted to live in a few different countries for a few years favourite food: just food. That's it. nationality: polish favourite song: we are also not doing this one last book read: and like, finished? Cause I have five open rn top three fictional universes I'd like to live in: hmmm, that's an interesting one. For today? His Dark Materials would be pretty fun to hop into for a few, just to see how my daemon would look like I guess? lol and idk, would I like to live in any really? Probably not ? OKAY no wait, fictional universe where this world is better and there are less shitty people around and no covid. Yeah, that would be fun also lol.

plus, @sothischickshe tagged me to give up my “top 10 fave man characters” which I hate, so thank you for this (❤️) and we are doing this as well (also I’ve forced myself to do this before so I’m picking different ones now cause reasons. Also random dudes from shows cause im lazy)

- din djarin, a disaster dad / from the mandalorian (and yes, I googled that) - roman roy, but only when he's in love with gerri / from succession - lee scoresby, why did they do this?? / from his dark materials - yo this is too hard, I love women characters way more ??? - mad sweeney, another disaster / from american gods - chidi anagonye, there are only disasters on this list tonite / from the good place - i hate this - crowley, boy this list... / from good omens - nandor, i mean, he fits / from what we do in the shadows - rio, since this is clearly a proper disasters list by now / from good girls - is it ten yet omGGGG - i don't like male characters idk ??? - konstantin, cause he needs a break / from killing eve - ????? - i wasted too much time on this wow - sherlock, omG IM DONE ???!!! / from elementary

this is clearly a disaster post, I'm sorry u had to see that. I'm still gonna tag people cause I think it's nice even though I probably shouldn't make you look at the exquisite content of this one but whatever. PLS ignore completely if it annoys you also can pick which one you do if either etc

@ohmystarsy, @marsza, @sorrydearie, @stewy-hosseini, @theroysiblings, @hanilecter, @iceinherheart-kissonherlips, @harry-strickland, @onlydelly, @palmviolet, @eleanorohara, @kathbigelow, @queenology, @isoldewas, @emilysnora, @marshasklein, @ryhope, @villaenelle, @jazzfic, @carlithiel

#this is a disaster post clearly #im just #u need to be warned #tag thingy #? idk honestly

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bladekindeyewear · 3 years

Text

HS^2 bloggin’ mainline 2020-12-25

I’m not going to spend time BLOGGING an upd8 on Christmas morning!

...yes I am who the fuck am I kidding. (Bonus stuff and Hiveswap are still well on hold though.)

So are we gonna follow up on the main ship? Probably not, right, with that perfect Karkat point to cut away, right? We’re just going to leave Roxy’s question hanging, as well as makeouts etiquette, and leave while having seen a COUPLE FRAMES of non-possessed canon Jade with only whatever fun fanart was inspired across the internet by the moment to tide us over????

Yeah, probably.

Ugh, more Dirk. I guess it’s overdue. :(

> CHAPTER 16. Welcome to my Secret Lair

Oh huh, I guess not? So... Jane’s, or Rose and Kanaya’s?

Karkat stays for longer than John thought he would. They talk a bit, but mostly they are quiet. Eventually, Karkat gets called away on yet more important war business, leaving John with one final touch on the shoulder. John leans into it in response, though he’s a bit ashamed of chasing down a sliver of physical affection so soon after obliterating Karkat’s evening like he had.

Pretty much, yeah. Can’t blame either of them.

When Karkat is finally gone, John still doesn’t move. It isn’t as though he has nowhere else to go, since there are quite a few places he might attempt to make himself useful, for better or for worse.

You’re still abandoning the task that was explicitly yours to protect your literal kid and his friends, but, oh well. Low-point. Dave dead, house dead, broke news, I get it.

He just doesn’t feel ready for that yet. The remnants of his house are still smoldering, and he can’t stop staring at them. It would make sense, he thinks, to want to root around through the rubble for anything that’s still intact; some half-charred keepsake to claim as the last thing left that’s still his. But he doesn’t want to do it, and he doesn’t want to think about it. And he still can’t move.

Can’t move. No Breath huh? What’s going to get him to, then?

> (==>)

Oh boy, that might help. XD She’s pretty good at that.

> (==>)

Still with the waistline gap. And was his phone always yellow like his God-Tier shoes?

ROXY: hey john can u do me a quick solid ROXY: actly idk how quick itll be but its definitely solid ROXY: harry anderson says i just missed u being here but could u skip back on over?

Nice, huh! No judgment, just a hey-any-chance-you-could-swing-back. He sort of needs to be needed right now, in a simple, almost everyday non-judgmental way I guess. (That’s what he NEEDED anyway-- whether he deserved it though is up for debate.)

ROXY: i need help w/smth and yr darling boy is holed up in his room working on some fuckin craft project or other and cant be bothered

YES SEW JOHN A BETTER FITTING FUCKING OUTFIT

ROXY: and now that me and u are freshly on speakin terms again i might as well take advantage of that olive branch and put u to work ROXY: assumin you havent died in an air raid, that is ROXY: which id also be interested in knowin about so if u wld be so kind as to reply instead of leavin me hangin

Heheheh. Gosh Roxy is always the best.

JOHN: yea yea sorry im here. JOHN: i just had a hard time getting my phone out of these fucking tiny pants.

Hah.

JOHN: and also my house is bombed out so i'm kinda grappling with that. JOHN: but i honestly am not sure how much longer i need to sit around staring at it. trying to align my memories of my youth with whatever is happening right now so JOHN: short version is no i’m not dead, and yeah i can come back over there and help you out. ROXY: oh sweet yr alive and down to do manual labor its a win/win JOHN: see you soon.

Yep! Pulled away from all the metaphorical, ultra-meaningful bullshit, back to some brass tacks with some easy humor. Definitely something Roxy can do well.~

> (==>)

EXCUSE ME. What is that outfit and pose. Did you--

ROXY: sup ROXY: follow me ROXY: well were just going to my room so i guess technically u know the way JOHN: haha ok.

Did you invite him over for the manual labor of banging you while your son is sewing in the other room

Or maybe the labor is making him a new sibling. JFC

Is this plan part of why we got the sudden content warning that was mocked or was that mainly for Hiveswap

John follows, trying to shake the ominous feeling he got from what she’d just said. He’d been in and out of this house a lot in the past few days. Why should this be any different?

I DUNNO JOHN DOES THIS SEEM DIFFERENT TO YOU

> (==>)

Yea this seems like a fucc room.

JOHN: it’s not like i could forget! ROXY: ya i guess u only really saw the living room when you were here the other day but i have changed some stuff up ROXY: done a lil redecoratin here n there

So it’s MORE of a fucc room than previously >__>”

ROXY: may have to do a smidge more if my old bff decides im next on the list for bombing out ROXY: but so far so good

Ah geez.

ROXY: just a coupla exploded cars in the yard from some shenanigans our dear son and his friends were in but u kno it is what it is!!!

Well, that’ll buff out easy.

ROXY: can i get u anything? ROXY: just made some coffee JOHN: no, uh, i’m good.

Of course she has a fancy handled winecoffeeglass (and the handle does look ridiculous but it’d be too hot to hold otherwise)

Roxy shrugs and swirls her own coffee around in her novelty mug. John looks around. A lot about the room is the same. The family photos, the rug. There’s a lot more cat stuff in there now, though. The bed is new. John feels like he’s about to take a test he hasn’t studied for. He makes himself focus on what she’s saying.

That would be the feeling.

> (==>)

MY GOD. Roxy is so fucking good at this holy shit

She KNOWS she’s making him squirm and she loves it

JOHN: so uh anyway. JOHN: what was this favor? ROXY: yo why dont u just come rest yr tush for a bit ROXY: take a lil relax next 2 me here JOHN: haha uh. JOHN: roxy i uh. JOHN: im flattered, but i don’t know if that’s really the right step right now. JOHN: don’t get me wrong, everything seems so fucked up right now that when i try to think about what might actually BE the right step, it feels like a huge cartoon question mark might physically manifest over my head. JOHN: but I’m not sure if um rekindling our physical relationship is really the best--

So is Roxy trolling him, about to reveal she wasn’t thinking of sex and was just making things seem sultry? Or just had “lol jk” as an option-select, maybe.

> (==>)

ROXY: r u kiddin me rn egbert JOHN: i’m not? unless you were, in which case yeah lets say i was also kidding. JOHN: oh my god, i’m sorry, i don’t know why this making me freak out.

OH NOOO NOT THE DISDAAAAIN - CRITICAL HIT D:

ROXY: i remember our past boot knockin with fondness but that is a situation im not interested in revisiting

boot knockin XD

ROXY: look john ROXY: i was trying to be polite about it ROXY: offering u sustenance n rest n all ROXY: but you look like shit ROXY: i just wanted to catch up on the whole heinous war situation were in and maybe check in on e/o before leaping strait to the real n actual nonsexual manual labor favor i have in mind for u JOHN: oh.

Hey, she can’t help looking sexy she’s too good at it.

Is the manual labor moving the crashed cars? Can’t Roxy pull that off on her own, or... banish the cars to the void or something? (Oh, but WOULD she want to do it on her own when she can rope in John and bring him down to earth by giving him a useful task? And admittedly his strength and wallet would make things easier.)

John feels his shoulders unbunch. Of course. Yeah. He’s almost embarrassed by how relieved he feels. So what if his ex wife wanted to hook up? Shouldn’t that be a situation he could navigate? Don’t people like to find solace in human physical connection during dire times? Why did the idea of it make his mind white out in panic more than, say, any number of the traumas he just experienced?

Probably some gender stuff mixed up in there too, June.

He doesn’t know, but he believes Roxy that he must look pretty haggard. He probably feels haggard? Maybe sitting down will feel better.

Just put your feet up yeah

> (==>)

WHAT A CUTE IMAGE

JOHN: sorry. like i said, my "how to react to stuff" meter is completely fucked right now. ROXY: thats fair bud

she’s used to being patient with you don’t worry otherwise you never would’ve gotten this far

ROXY: real fast i do need to do a quick takeback of all that shit i said last time we talked about janey not being literally the most evil person we knew or whatever ROXY: i guess i was hopped up on arguin or somethin since that was before we hit our conversational vibe bc of course u were right and i shoulda listened

Ouch. Yeah, we saw just lately just how far off the deep end she was. (Where was that funny upd8 reaction art summarizing the bit where Kanaya was holding Tavros hostage and Jane was transparently debating “hmm do I let my son die?” and Kanaya and Tavros were just looking at each-other flat-mouthed nervous? I REALLY wanted to share that but I don’t usually want to reblog or put most stuff HS^2 not under a read-more, for spoiler purposes, usually.)

ROXY: im just glad ur ok ROXY: or like alive JOHN: yeah, jury's still out on "ok" but, you know. ROXY: ya ROXY: u said ur house is gone?? JOHN: yep. JOHN: completely. ROXY: jeez ROXY: i would ask how ur feelin but like the answer 2 that has got 2b "prtty bad"

Talk it ouuuut~~ get those feels out there and articulated john

JOHN: yeah. JOHN: i mean. JOHN: no? JOHN: it’s weird. JOHN: it feels like it should be a bigger deal, I guess? JOHN: like it’s my HOUSE. JOHN: but mostly it always felt like my dad’s house? JOHN: and when i started living there after i moved out of here, it was like i crammed myself back into whatever was left of my kid self? JOHN: and it didn’t feel good, but it at least was familiar, you know? JOHN: like living there let me feel closer to my dad, trying to be like the way i remember him, or like how i remember him wanting me to be, or something? JOHN: and i didn’t realize how much i hated doing that until i saw it all go up in flames. JOHN: so i guess i could have used my powers to stop the fire and save whatever was left of the place, but i couldn’t bring myself to do it. JOHN: like some fucked up part of me was glad i got there too late? JOHN: so i just sat there, watching, trying to figure out why watching my house burn down felt like i was being released from prison. JOHN: and even now i keep trying to explain it away, as though it’s because of how fucked up everything else is that it made me feel good. JOHN: but that’s just bullshit. JOHN: it DID feel good. JOHN: i DO feel free. JOHN: sorry.

I was kind of saying some Breath/Blood stuff at the time of him losing his last tie to his stubborn sticking-to-his-kid-self bit? Except now we’re mixing it in with June Egbert and his gender-identity questions too.

ROXY: no need 2 apologize ROXY: we just delved in2 my whole gender thing last time so it seems fine for u to have a turn JOHN: i didn’t say it was a gender thing.

Oh shit

ROXY: well no i just meant like i did some sharing ROXY: like referrin 2 the topic i brought up when we chatted last ROXY: but like now that u mention it ROXY: *meaningful pause* JOHN: … JOHN: i JOHN: ROXY: lol well we can move on 2 the favor part if youd rather ROXY: stick a lil pin in that topic n come back 2 it when u have had sleep

Are you just INCREDIBLY incisive Roxy or have you and John talked about this before?

ROXY: like i said the other day its not like this shits figureoutable in 1 sitting anyways JOHN: yeah... ROXY: sooooooo ROXY: movin on

It’s just fine for Roxy to slow-roll this yeah, if she’s going to pry open that door a little

ROXY: dont be mad but theres a part of the house u didnt know abt the whole time u lived here JOHN: what? ROXY: yea ROXY: i got a secret lair ROXY: for my sciences

OH FUCK YES SCIENCE LAB, of COURSE Roxy would want a cool science lab basement because she always wants a cool science lab basement

ROXY: and i get to it via a transportalizer underneath our bed ROXY: which is 2 heavy 2 move by my lonesome so i just needed to borrow some o your aforementioned powers of wind

Okay no. Wait. What the fuck?

First of all, as funny and MSPaintAdventures-y as furniture being in the way of things is, why would you block it with a bed too heavy to move, but,

Second of all, more importantly, how is a GOD-TIER ROXY not strong enough to lift a heavy bed?!?!?!? Either she’s lying to get John involved in things or this is a gendered cop-out because these characters are superheroes at the TOP of their echeladders, given obnoxiously powerful video-game strength and athletics only to then have ascended into DEITIES. God-Tier Roxy could probably have lifted a bed like that when she was SEVENTEEN! And now she’s an ADULT, out-of-shape or otherwise! If this were a whole CAR I might be willing to handwave it, but just a heavy BED?!? And none of the GUYS are going to have this much trouble lifting a bed like this, are they?? This just feels like following classic cartoony gender tropes in the complete absence of these characters’ super powers, what the fuck, and also Roxy if you didn’t make it Transportalizer-only access you could have given it an entrance you could phase through with your fancy powers to get to. FUCK.

This feels stupid.

ROXY: so if u dont mind woosh away JOHN: uh ok, well... JOHN: a secret science lair, sure, i can deal with that. JOHN: why not! JOHN: it doesn’t work out great when i do the windy thing indoors, though. ROXY: aight then no wind bending just use your mangrit

Roxy flexes, the corner of her mouth pulled up into a familiar grin. John feels his guts, so recently calmed, twist up into knots again. Her eyebrows shoot up and the smile loosens. He must have shown something on his face.

You’re already THIS sensitive about gendertalk?

ROXY: ok or just like push when i push ROXY: we both got sick muscles ROXY: no other adjectives necessary JOHN: yeah ok. ROXY: on 3?

Please, please reinforce the idea that they both have sick strength, because they fucking do and the idea that Roxy actually a hundred percent NEEDED John to do this is BS.

> (==>)

JOHN: holy shit? ROXY: sorry to lop yet another huge scoop onto ur lil brains ice cream revelation sundae JOHN: so wait, if this thing's always been under the bed, how’d you get down here before without me? ROXY: well thats neither here nor there john JOHN: i mean it is kinda. Here. ROXY: fine ok checkmate ROXY: i dont ACTUALLY need ur nerdgrit for this escapade ROXY: like im sorry but i said it ROXY: i mostly just wanted to see you and show u wats down here

THANK FUCKING CHRIST.

If that wasn’t actually just a lie to get him involved I was going to stay SO mad. Of COURSE Roxy can move a fucking BED no matter how heavy it is. OF COURSE.

ROXY: and also uve been ~sent for~ JOHN: ok but like ROXY: john i am inviting u 2 my inner sanctum ROXY: i am literally bringing out the word "sanctum" in case u werent already clued in 2 how cool this is ROXY: so do u wanna go into my secret lair or wat JOHN: yeah!? JOHN: yes? i guess? ROXY: aight good

Yes John of course you want to stop fighting it

ROXY: then as they told me in the hospital before lil h a was born ROXY: just push

eyeroll, but yeah, of course

> (==>)

Oh cool, sprite form version of her loungewear.

> (==>)

Sorry for my compulsion to post every full-frame image of Roxy in this awesome outfi-WERE YOU KEEPING CALLIOPE UNDER YOUR BED THIS WHOLE TIME?!?????

That’s like... almost a fucking metaphor isn’t it???? For the relationship you preferred in the other timeline and possibly THIS one TOO or

ROXY: hey callieee i got him ROXY: o damn john sorry i shoulda also told u callies here weve been hangin out again ROXY: 1 more freak for ur bean

Oh huh, so this isn’t an always thing. And these two can get close in more than one timeline where it would’ve worked out nicely. :)

JOHN: oh it's ok, my bean feels pretty well adjusted to freakage at this point so keep them coming if you like! ROXY: k cool i will JOHN: do i get to know what that big thing under the sheet is? ROXY: hmmmmmm no JOHN: oh ok. JOHN: are you sure? i mean, it seems like a pretty prominent feature of the room. JOHN: space. JOHN: wherever we are. ROXY: and a totally mysterious n COMPLETELY inconspicuous feature it will have to remain for now ROXY: we r kinda in a hurry here fyi ROXY: and by that i mean ROXY: we are in precisely the amount of hurry that means im excused from having to a that specific q rn JOHN: right, sorry. JOHN: i will pay no attention to the object behind the curtain. ROXY: u catch on fast egbert ROXY: anyway theres more cool info coming so just follow me

I don’t have any big theories. Is it just the Hiveswap device or something? If Calliope helped with it it’d help explain the Cherubic theme.

> (==>)

JOHN: so... this is all downstairs? JOHN: it seems like you had a lot of work done. ROXY: well no not x actly ROXY: were in the old meteor JOHN: under the house??? ROXY: ok so ROXY: in hindsight it may have been a bit misleading 2 say like ROXY: "downstairs" ROXY: in reference to a place which is hells of buried underground and may not actually be literally under the house ROXY: but there is no time to explain all that rn john so instead im going to refer u to my adorable little green friend here CALLIOPE: #U_U# ROXY: (hehe) CALLIOPE: *AHEM* CALLIOPE: hi john! CALLIOPE: long time no see. ^u^

Cherubs just really like dark cavelike places full of weird tech don’t they.

> (==>)

THEY’RE SO CUTE

JOHN: oh, uh. hey callie! JOHN: it sure has been a while huh. JOHN: now that i think about it, the last time the three of us hung out like this... CALLIOPE: was when i was aggressively third wheeling yoUr prenUptial coUrtship? CALLIOPE: if yoU dont mind, john, i'd rather not rehash that period of oUr lives. CALLIOPE: it was more than a little painfUl for me. JOHN: oh. JOHN: god, jeez, i'm sorry. i didn't mean to-- CALLIOPE: hee hee john i am only pUlling yoUr leg, don't worry. CALLIOPE: if anything i was personally a little thrilled with how things shook oUt in that respect. CALLIOPE: imagine, if yoU will, a yoUng cherUb raised in solitUde, whose only solace was the convolUted and tUmUltUoUs romantic schemata she projected onto her only friends from another Universe. CALLIOPE: and then fUrther imagine that this yoUng cherUb, throUgh varioUs even *more* convolUted contrivances, ended Up in the company of those selfsafe friends as an eqUal participant in their sphere of social discoUrse! CALLIOPE: it is a joy the like of which yoU possibly cannot fathom. u_u

Reinforcing that things turning out this way was in fact the FANTASY that Calliope was writing over in the Canon timeline. Just, heavily, HEAVILY implied that the Candy timeline is -- or at least originated as -- Calliope’s fanfiction as a Muse of Space, and its competition for audience interest with canon is the essential conflict between alt!Calliope and Dirk (or Dirk and Andrew Hussie).

CALLIOPE: so to pUt it simply, getting to experience sUch emotional drama myself was an impossibly enriching experience. CALLIOPE: possibly a first for my species! CALLIOPE: it's actUally qUite interesting, if yoU ROXY: *nudge* CALLIOPE: oh, right. yes. i'm getting a little carried away, haha. CALLIOPE: argh, i'm sorry, this is not how i planned to begin this vital conversation.

Vital conversation? What sorta truth-bombs are coming?

CALLIOPE: but to sUmmarise, what i was trying to say is: CALLIOPE: don't beat yourself Up aboUt it john. CALLIOPE: besides, hUman divorces are even more fascinating than i had ever imagined, and being able to witness yoUrs in motion was an honoUr. CALLIOPE: so i consider Us aboUt even at this point. JOHN: hahaha!!! JOHN: okay, well that's good to know! CALLIOPE: ^u^

Holy SHIT that was savage! And we’ll NEVER know whether or not she really intended it so savagely, either.~

JOHN: so um... JOHN: i hear that there's this big secret thing you wanna tell me about? CALLIOPE: oh right, yes of course! CALLIOPE: let me jUst say first of all how thrilled i am that yoU're on board. CALLIOPE: i wasn't sUre if yoUr natUral inclinations woUld have preclUded yoUr coming to such a place as this, and yet here yoU are. CALLIOPE: this whole endeavoUr will be *so* mUch easier with yoUr help.

Uh oh.

Hopefully babies aren’t involved.

JOHN: oh! well, shucks. JOHN: not really sure what that means but i'm just glad to be of use somewhere, haha. JOHN: which, speaking of somewhere, CALLIOPE: ah right, right. yoU're probably a little cUrioUs as to where the dickens we are. CALLIOPE: how much do yoU know aboUt black holes? JOHN: um... like, the big space things? CALLIOPE: they aren't always big actUally, and in fact their relative smallness is practically their defining qUality. JOHN: oh. CALLIOPE: bUt okay i think we are on the same page. CALLIOPE: so, what if i told yoU that we are inside of a black hole right now.

Oh dear, we’re getting into the canon/noncanon divide?

JOHN: um... JOHN: like, HERE? JOHN: we just transportalized into a black hole? CALLIOPE: no, i mean, what if oUr whole WORLD was inside a black hole. JOHN: ok.

Yeah, that’s gonna be John’s reaction. “ok.” Pretty much inevitable.

CALLIOPE: earth c, or at least oUr version of it, has, from the moment we crossed the victory threshold, been inside a black hole. JOHN: ok. CALLIOPE: and not just any black hole, bUt the very black hole in which the green sUn Ultimately met its demise, allowing oUr victory in the first instance! JOHN: huh! ROXY: ("huh!") ROXY: (rofl my fucking ao egbert) JOHN: (shhhh!)

And Roxy enjoys his non-reaction reactions as much as we do, hehe.

CALLIOPE: bUt, paradoxically, the critical moment which determined its capture within the black hole happened *after* that point. CALLIOPE: i refer of coUrse to yoUr decision not to retUrn to the mediUm and fight my brother. JOHN: wait, wait. JOHN: you mean, the meat and candy thing? JOHN: oh my god. JOHN: you mean i actually DID make a mistake that day. CALLIOPE: well, that's not exactly what that-- JOHN: ugh, i fucking KNEW it! JOHN: i'm so sorry. JOHN: i'm so sorry that i put the earth inside a black hole everyone. ): ROXY: john ROXY: listen ROXY: u have got to get out of this mindset i am begging you JOHN: ):

Yeah shake him out of this shit.

ROXY: your choice literally didnt matter ROXY: the whole thing was symbolic in the first place ROXY: literally symbolic in the case of the picnic i mean come on ROXY: it was just some steak and a plate of candy suckers JOHN: oh. CALLIOPE: i mean, i wouldn't go so far as to say that the meal we shared was unimportant, given the sacred significance of the two options i presented. CALLIOPE: but yes, yoUr choice of snack was infinitely less important than the choice which it presaged. CALLIOPE: and even then, calling it a choice woUld be sorely misleading. CALLIOPE: think of it like a coin flip. CALLIOPE: the series of events that led to Us being trapped beyond the event horizon of an Ubermassive black hole could be considered "tails", while the events which would have occUrred otherwise could be considered "heads". CALLIOPE: since both were possible, and paradox space is the way it is, they actUally both happened. and we jUst "happened" (hee hee) to get tails instead of heads. JOHN: you mean we ended up with the bad possibility. CALLIOPE: not at all! since both possibilities depend on one another's existence, it really doesn't make sense to call them "right" or "wrong". they both just "are". JOHN: o...kay... CALLIOPE: u_u

Yeah, it’s going to take a bit more than that to convince him he didn’t make the “wrong decision”.

CALLIOPE: i realise that this may be a lot to process. CALLIOPE: it's easy to forget that this wasn't obvioUs to everyone from the beginning. CALLIOPE: anyway, the reason i went on this tangent in the first place was to explain that the space we are standing in right now has a special significance, in that it is the location which corresponds to the black hole's singUlarity. JOHN: oh, wow. JOHN: um. JOHN: ok so, sorry if this is a dumb question to ask suddenly, but what does being inside of a black hole actually... mean for us? JOHN: is that bad? JOHN: is it like in movie, um, JOHN: shoot. JOHN: roxy what was that matthew mcconaughey movie from your earth that we watched? ROXY: u mean interstellar JOHN: RIGHT. JOHN: the one with the organ. JOHN: man. i cried at that movie so much. ROXY: lol u can say that again ROXY: iirc at least part of y u got so weepy was the fact that u couldnt believe a version of earth existed where ppl got 2 watch more mcconaughey films than you JOHN: listen. JOHN: i simply don't think you all appreciated the gift you were given. CALLIOPE: i don't believe i'm familiar with this particular film ^u^;; ROXY: oh dont worry cal you didnt miss much JOHN: (gasp)

This is all gold

ROXY: but the important point is that no its not really an interstellar type situation here egbert ROXY: ur not gonna enter a weird time vortex and change the trajectory of a little girls life with the power of love JOHN: aw.

Dammit, now we have to be on the lookout for that possibility. Or it did sort of already happen more than once to John. ...Whatever.

CALLIOPE: to go back to your original question, john. CALLIOPE: it's not strictly speaking "bad" for Us to be inside of a black hole, mUch thoUgh that contradicts most of what anyone knows about them. CALLIOPE: of coUrse, if we had fallen into it, that woUld be a whole other kettle of fish. CALLIOPE: the tidal forces woUld have stretched Us all into spaghetti and then ripped us apart! CALLIOPE: bUt the natUre of oUr arrival was more akin to simply "being" here, sUddenly. one moment we were not, and the next moment we were, and somehow always had been. CALLIOPE: in everyday, practical terms, being inside of a black hole has very little bearing on Us. CALLIOPE: i mean, the natUre of space and time is a little finicky in here, bUt for the most part it doesn't seem to be anything too oUt of the ordinary. CALLIOPE: bUt beyond that, it means that we are sealed away from the rest of existence. CALLIOPE: oUr sphere of inflUence is limited to the sphere of the black hole's bounding horizon. CALLIOPE: as far as everyone else is concerned, we might as well not even exist! JOHN: is there no way we could let anyone know that we're in here...? CALLIOPE: almost certainly not!

No? So this doesn’t have to do with the divide?

CALLIOPE: there are very few ways for anything to escape the kind of predicament that we are in right now. one of them is to be an all-powerfUl being with control over the very fabric of space, with the energy of two Universes at yoUr disposal. CALLIOPE: in which case, escape woUld become rather trivial, if a little Unscientific. JOHN: ok. i am going to assume that we can't just do that. CALLIOPE: yoU've hit the nail on the head, UnfortUnately. U_U CALLIOPE: the method i described was the one employed by my alternate self, who yoU may recall crashed through the event horizon in the body that once belonged to jade harley. CALLIOPE: she departed through a pUnctUre she created in the black hole's surface shortly after consUming my brother, a deed which provided her with the necessary "oomph", and which was frankly rather breathtaking to watch. =u= CALLIOPE: bUt Upon her departUre, the rift closed for good. as far as i can see, there's simply no way for Us to commUnicate with the world oUtside the black hole.

What the heck? Calliope SAW all this? Is this her Muse powers at work, letting her observe these things, or was she there? And John certainly did NOT see ANY of what Calliope just said happen.

CALLIOPE: i woUld certainly be very sUrprised to find oUt that anyone had managed sUch a thing!

So we’re going to find that out if we haven’t already. Maybe something to do with the way Vrissy just conks out narcoleptically?

JOHN: ...right. JOHN: so... let me just get this straight. JOHN: knowing that we're inside of a black hole... does that actually change anything? JOHN: like, can't we just go on living like normal? CALLIOPE: oh absolUtely not. CALLIOPE: i don't know if yoU've noticed john bUt this world is on the brink of a total cataclysm. JOHN: oh.

Um, what?

CALLIOPE: oUr exclUsion from the overarching coUrse of events which governs all reality means that oUr existence here is liable to dramatic and violent Upheaval. CALLIOPE: to pUt it another way, becaUse nothing in here "matters", we are likely to be sUbjected to things which are a bit bats in the belfry, for no reason other than it's totally insignificant to the wider canon of reality. CALLIOPE: and mUch thoUgh i am personally titillated by some of the conseqUences of this predicament, it is a degrading way for Us to live. u_u JOHN: that's... certainly one way to put it, yeah...

No plot-armor for your entire timeline, I guess, yep. Outside of canon, we can imagine and write about ANYTHING happening to the characters, or just drop their existence entirely, much like a doomed offshoot timeline. It’s a plot stability that depended heavily on the threat of Lord English and being trapped in a story, and without it things are bound to see a BIT chaotic (or “degrading” if you view it as subjected to the whims of fanfic writers, certainly).

CALLIOPE: at first, i believed that this was simply necessary. Us playing tails to oUr coUnterparts' heads, the black to their white, and so forth. CALLIOPE: bUt over the years i have come to the conclUsion that this is simply not kosher. ROXY: its total bs is what it is CALLIOPE: right, yes. CALLIOPE: a steaming pile of bUllshite. CALLIOPE: and so we have decided that something needs to be done aboUt it.

Ah fuck. You’re going to regulate non-canon? “Canonize” it? Is the fact that you eventually succeed at whatever it is you’re trying to do part of why we have the story presented to us in this bifurcated structure?

ROXY: this is finally where u come in jegbert ROXY: we gots quests for yous CALLIOPE: hee hee, yes. CALLIOPE: or *a* quest, to be specific. JOHN: oh boy! ROXY: (this fkin nerd i s2g)

Roxy and Calliope setting him on this quest as a Rogue of Void and a Muse of Space feels fitting.

JOHN: i'm not sure how i can go about freeing us from a hellish space prison, but i'm up for giving it a try i guess? JOHN: i have... literally nothing better to be doing at this point. except for maybe hanging out with harry anderson. ROXY: nice save lol

YEAH WE’RE STILL GLOSSING OVER HOW YOU LEFT HIM UNPROTECTED, JERK

ROXY: but u dont need to worry abt busting us outta space jail tbh ROXY: thats not ur problem to fix JOHN: oh. JOHN: i'm... not sure i follow, then. ROXY: i mean yeah ur gonna obvs facilitate it in a sense ROXY: but only by going and busting the person who can actually help us outta normal earth jail CALLIOPE: we need yoU to free vriska from the clUtches of oUr misgUided friend jane, and bring her here, to the singUlarity. ROXY: weve been calling it the plot point CALLIOPE: yes, the plot point is a key part of oUr plan. CALLIOPE: as far as we have been able to sUrmise, the only remaining method for escaping oUr grim confinement depends on leveraging the UniqUe properties of this location to create an event of sUch catalcysmic proportions that it simply cannot be contained within the black hole any more. CALLIOPE: something SO dramatic, so hyper-relevant, that it becomes ontologically impossible for anyone to ignore it. CALLIOPE: for that, we need an individUal of sUfficient narrative cloUt, so to speak. CALLIOPE: and to liberate her, who better than the embodiment of the aspect of freedom itself? CALLIOPE: ... CALLIOPE: phew. okay, i'm finished. CALLIOPE: CALLIOPE: sorry, that took longer than i expected to go throUgh.

..............................

OOooooh, kay.

Whatever this is, it’s going to be really weird and PROBABLY infuriating and/or shippy, and I’m probably not going to like it. Plus it seems like it’s some sort of inverse belated canonization of some other black-hole-rescue theories I went on about at some point. Although, related to that link, “aspect of freedom” if anyone wasn’t paying attention! That’s a (sorta-)canon mention of the purpose of it!

They’re going to attention-wh-- attention-hog themselves out of the black hole so that they’re “considered canon” too, or close enough. Huh.

ROXY: what r u talking about cals that was great ROXY: i could listen 2 u plotsplain for years CALLIOPE: oh you >u< ROXY: fyi this was why i wanted u to get a move on eggbread ROXY: so callie could have more time 2 infodump ROXY: thats love bitchhhhhh JOHN: hahaha. JOHN: ok, well, i think i understood all that?

Love with who? Callie, John, both?

In reality, John isn’t sure what most of this means. But on balance, it feels okay? He’s gone back and forth about a hundred times in the last week about where his place in everything is, so he might as well ride this out. Plus, the last time a Lalonde kind of told him to do something, he thinks that he chose not to, and look where that got him. And it’s not like he has other plans. He may as well do this! It’s at least going to get him involved in things again, if nothing else. He turns to go, and then hears a sound. It’s the sound of feet and knocking on doors, echoed through stone and digital static.

Oh shit. Is Andrew trapped behind some fourth walls behind the curtains.

> (==>)

Oh RIGHT also that DEVICE is where they want to bring Vriska. Are they going to overturn part of canon itself with a super-retcon thus making this timeline unbelievably relevant or--? Maybe make all the PESTERQUESTS canon or something?! I don’t know. Maybe they’re INTENTIONALLY starting the game like Vriska wanted to??????

Guh, this is something so big that I don’t WANT to theorize about it, do I.

JOHN: did you hear that? ROXY: wha ROXY: oh yeah uh ROXY: i may have messaged rose and kan and jade to check on them too ROXY: so its prob onea them showin up ROXY: they don’t need to know bout all this tho ROXY: we got time to chat with them b4 u go get vriska

No, even if it’s a knock at the somehow-top-level-house-even-under-buried-- oh, right, maybe it’s covering in part a monitoring system that looks up there. But still, part of that sound was DOUBTLESS these two hiding something, all standing in front of the curtain like that.

JOHN: i’ll go stall em. ROXY: thx babe ROXY: oh is it 2 soon for that joke or JOHN: no, weirdly enough, that one’s fine. ROXY: oh good ok see u up there soon!

How is calling your significant other “babe” not cool REGARDLESS of gender?! Like wasn’t that always cool? --Oh wait is it because they’re not together or... but... guh, I don’t know.

Anyway, see y’all after the holidays at least.

#Homestuck #hs2 #Homestuck Liveblog #upd8 #Homestuck^2 #spoiler #spoilers #Roxy Lalonde #John Egbert #Calliope

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angelichl · 4 years

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how am i in the wrong? saying that people who use the label Larry make you uncomfortable is just so odd to me as you wrote fics under that relationship but then you get to criticise others for using that term? like i just don’t think it’s that serious? and the fandom isn’t bullies?? idk, i think you getting pressed and righting essay responses is lowkey over the top when all I’m saying is that it’s shitty to be like Larry makes me uncomfortable and imply that the fandom is bullies/toxic

Anonymous said: like this community has been so positive, I’ve got to share my art through it and make friends with similar efforts and getting labelled as bullies/toxic/people that make others uncomfortable is shit. im sorry if I pissed you off but like your tone comes across as criticising a fandom and telling them they’re not as chill/respectful as you because them shipping Larry is “extreme”. can’t always get tone from writing tho so im sorry if i misinterpretated what you said

Anonymous said: also never threatened to dox you? and if that did happen, I’m sorry because that’s super fucked

ok first of all I’m glad your fandom experience has been positive!!! that’s really great

moving on- you’re twisting my words up / still not getting what I’m trying to say. I’ll try to word it differently. this all started bc I reblogged a post where someone screenshotted their inbox, which showed it was full of variations of people asking “are you still a larrie?” in different ways and I related to that bc that’s what my inbox looks like. I’ve always ignored those messages or replied to them vaguely (which makes some people mad) because of what I’ve been trying to explain: I personally don’t want to use the “larrie” label for myself. I’m not judging other people who claim that label, I’m not criticizing them, this has nothing to do with them, it’s all about me lol. the label comes with a set of beliefs that I personally do not follow, beyond thinking HL were probably/definitely in love at least at one point in time. I’m trying to be a more casual fan, enjoy their music and the content they create without getting wrapped up in their personal lives. thus I feel like the term larrie does not suit me, and that’s a personal decision, we’re just talking about me here, I’m not judging anyone else. what i am ‘judging’ or being critical of is the bullying that some people (not everyone! there are many kind people out there and I think you are one of those kind people!!) engage in, that I want no part of. thus I have, for the past year or so, distanced myself from that part of the fandom when I used to be very invested in it. I get that this can sound preachy or like I’m on my high horse or whatever but i promise that’s not my intention, I’m just trying to explain myself, the only people I’m being critical of are the people who are legitimately mean. in my experience this fandom is toxic (despite the many many lovely people!) but like, so is every fandom so idk. taking a step back.

also I get that it’s a bit murky in a fandom for real life people instead of fictional characters, but I personally prefer to draw a line between fan fic and real life stuff. what I’m trying to say is that when I write fan fic, I’m ‘shipping’ two people together like one would do to fictional characters, not writing about how I believe reality truly is. in my mind there are very separate parts of the fandom — writing fic vs. theorizing about the intricate personal details of harry and louis’ real lives. I used to do that but I don’t anymore, I am a more casual/chill fan, I’ve set boundaries for myself etc and the fun thing is everyone gets to decide where they set their boundaries. I’m not judging other people, just explaining that I’ve set my boundaries in a different place which is why I don’t reblog certain text posts which is why I then have people in my inbox (not you) demanding I declare I’m not a larrie anymore.

idk what I’m even saying anymore, but I think it would be nice if our side of the fandom was more critical of itself. I’m not saying you personally are bullying anyone. I’m saying that I’ve seen a lot of rude to straight up mean/cruel replies to otherwise harmless asks. I’ve seen a lot of name calling and pressuring/coercing everyone to believe the exact same thing (i.e. this all or nothing mentality where if you don’t believe HL did x y and z then you must be a solo stan). idk

and lastly, since the beginning of 2020 I’ve had 3 separate people threaten to dox me which like.. idk might not seem like a big deal but it made me super anxious and paranoid at first and now I’m just annoyed. I’m not even a big blog. I’m just here to listen to music, get excited for tour, and maybe write fic. I feel like doing none of that when I get bombarded with all these messages saying “just admit that you’re ___ and that you hate ___” and when people threaten to use personal information against me. so yeah maybe i am criticizing this fandom, but I’m doing it because I’ve witnessed and experienced some very concerning behaviors and im trying to fix it so that I don’t have to leave

#most of what i’m talking about has nothing to do with you anon -#i’m just trying to explain that i’ve experienced and witnessed toxic behaviors #i hope this makes sense #adri answers #anonymous

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girlwiththegreenhat · 4 years

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thoughts on ur favorite drink? ur favorite art program? thoughts on keeping a sketchbook? on any pets you have?

HELL yeah thanks for the ask i hope u like tangents on tangents and run on sentences because just like my blog description says, I Do Not Shut Up!

favorite type of drink: crystal pepsi

every fucking year i email the Bepsi company and ask when this god damn drink is coming back. last year? literally spent almost all of 2019 moving house, and i got no crystal pepsi anywhere in that time. now it’s 2020. there’s a plague. and the world is burning. and there’s still no fucking crystal pepsi. the moral of the story here is, as soon as pepsi brings back The Good Shit, everything can be nice again. i am .3 seconds away from breaking into pepsi HQ in the midst of this Rioting Chaos just to steal the Crystal Pepsi recipe from their fat stupid noses and start making it myself. I will market it as... Creestöl Bepsi.

oh wait im supposed to talk about the drink, right, shit’s good yo. you know how all clear sodas taste vaguely the same? they all taste like Clear Drink? this is like Clear Drink in it’s purest form. it is the Clearest Drink. with the most Clearest Drink taste. and thanks to it’s (formerly) limited annual runs at the end of summer it literally tastes like nostalgia. I have left the house like twice in the last three months but if they brought back crystal pepsi i would march out of my house like its on fire (wearing a mask of course) and buy every fucking bottle i could find, life savings be damned

so anyway yeah crystal pepsi’s good i guess

favorite art program: begrudgingly, photoshop

adobe may be a greedy bitch baby company who doesnt actually let you buy their software outright but damn,,, photoshop Nice,,, hehehehe,,, i can do so Much with it it’s such a multitool of a program,,, i just upgraded to the 2020 version in february and there’s SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO many more brushes than there were in the 2014 version, and most of them are actually really useful!! i’m living for this guy’s brushes, uh, kyle?? yeah, kyle t. webster. now THAT guy knows how to make some brushes. i’ve been using the same ones for like six years but he’s got this GORGEOUS lineart brush i’ve been using and dear god i love it too much to ever go back. I Will Never Go Back. AND I JUST FOUND OUT ABOUT LIKE, BLEND BRUSHES?? there are ones that perfectly emulate real pencils thanks to how photoshop handles brushes, it even wears out and widens with use (you can choose how fast...) and you can TILT your STYLUS to USE THE BROADER SIDE OF THE “LEAD”??? LIKE?? A REAL PENCIL???? still blows my mind,, photoshop’s brush engine is fucking amazing,,

Thoughts on keeping a sketchbook?

sketchbooks are great and i envy people who have those really nice, blank-page sketchbooks with the little rounded corners on each page? and they always fill them with studies and life drawings,,, its so Aesthetic,,,

meanwhile im adamant for some damn reason to do most of my drawings on lined paper still. not the serious ones, but if im doodling, or just doing a sketch i intend to finish in photoshop? composition notebook. i have Dozens of Actual sketchbooks, but those are so nice... i don’t want to fill them with stupid meme drawings and things i wont finish and things i draw Badly and things that i Will finish but not There. i’m glad im not going to college cuz i always hear “oh you have to submit your sketchbooks” im like haha What cuz my sketchbooks,,,, are probably some of the most unprofessional, badly organized, unfinished messes out there,,, like i do studies but it’s all on lined notebook paper and half-destroyed composition notebooks because at the end of 8th grade everyone was throwing out their unused or slightly used school supplies and there was a WHOLE RECYCLING BIN FULL OF COMPOSITION NOTEBOOKS?? MOST OF WHICH ONLY HAD THE FIRST LIKE 15 PAGES FILLED OUT IF THAT???? SO I JUST KINDA. RAIDED IT?? i havent bought lined paper in 8 years and all the school supplies i looted out of the garbage that day carried me all the way through high school. i bought maybe one notebook in highschool, that was it. i think i literally trash picked a lifetime of lined paper,,,

,,, anyway i have a Nice Sketchbook (no lined paper!) ive been toting around since sophomore year of high school. it’s still got printouts taped to it from supernatural and doctor who and black rock shooter. this was seven years ago, i still use it when i want to use Nice Paper, and only now am i approaching the last pages. i also have a separate sketchbook i decided to start using for concept art and sketches for my webcomic i will never actually start working on! that one’s about as professional as i get, it’s full of robot designs and sketches of scenes. its fun.

i am not a real artist aslkdfkljdfskjldsfkjl

Thoughts on any pets you have?

i love me pets! they are not my pets they are my parents pets but i take care of them more so who cares. i love them. i love all three doggos even if Gigi is an old lazy fart that doesn’t care about anything that isn’t sleeping, food, going outside, or bellyrubs. she doesn’t even listen to you if you call her or tell her to do something. i dont know what her deal is. and gemma!! is a depressed muppet. she’s probably just getting old herself even though she’s only,,, seven. we got a third dog and she never got over it. she is still my favorite though, she’s adorable and i love her little under bite and her big goofy eyes that don’t have a single thought or braincell behind them. she floofy and snuggley and a big ol scardey cat who always comes into my room for hours when there’s a Loud Sound outside which is great because i cant sleep when something else is alive in my room and its not me but whatever i cant say no to her, especially now that we’re both on the same floor and i would probably take a bullet for this funky lil fuzzball.

speaking of the third dog that is kiwi i post more pictures of her than anyone else for some reason but she’s a cute lil goblin. i mean what is this thing. what is it!! im not even entirely convinced its a dog, i think its a weird lil alien that knows what a dog looks like and that’s it

what is this thing!! dont know!! she’s plotting though!! i have never seen Thoughts happening in a dogs head before but she Knowes Things. she learned how to slap the other dogs. 80% of the time if you point a phone at her she stops moving because she somehow understands the concept of a “Camera.” she’s a little chaos bagel. a chaos bagel with a critical case of The Zoomies and a burning hatred of feet

we also have a budgie named olive. he’s pretty, but quiet

#liz blogs #ask meme #ask #serialsharkgay #ty for the ask... i love to ramble..... and i have So Many Thoughts All Of The Time.......#dogs #my dogs #long post #one day im going to edit tiny flames into kiwi's eyes because its funny #just get a gif of fire and photoshop it in there

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chimchimsauce · 5 years

Text

Sanctuary (16 FINAL)

YN is a young girl, bright and ambitious, but due to her busy schedule, she’s been unable to make any real friends. When an ad for Saint Mary’s Sanctuary catches her attention, she never expected her life to be changed by a certain hybrid named Jimin.

Tag List: @feed-my-geek-soul @raspberryhaterade@dinorahrodriguez @loriosborne @majestikblue @younginfluencernut-blog @jiminotopia @yady24 @amoretti-rossetti @j-hofe7 @scared-money @alina-foxy @catwhipes @cloudyfelix @justfollowbacon @chims-kookies @hoodiebangtan@xanny91 @catarina-catycaty @lewd-lemon @yaseminflames @lulanii @jeonsdear @omgsasusakulover @let-fred-live @perfectlyfangirling @daddyjoonie @meganleafmusic @okayjinmin @blueskys-brightstars @boononx @bubblefishrainbow @scamanderbeasts @cjisluckycharm @artsy-gingersnap @yoongi-bias @miraiikki @ccocorosie @skyebloodhood @mixedfandxms @vixsynsblog @mypurplelamp @acupoftaewithsuga @xthefuckerysquaredx @take-u-2-an0ther-w0r1d @young-yellkie @yoonjinbabe @animedreamscometrue @thefutureiswithyou @2seokkyo @x-josii-x @childish—soul @lilliaflurr @daddyvernon @jiminslye @moostachoaway @beatstotheheart @im-a-percy @dreadity @lovesickpjms @nanie5 @killcomet @certainuncertainty11 @sunkissedhobi

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

By the time YN gathers her wits enough to climb back upright and chase after him, the wolf is long done, wet, icy footprints all that are left of him. Jimin hadn’t closed the door when he ran blindly into the night, giving YN no barrier in chasing after him.

“Jimin!” she shouts into the night, eyes wide and panicked, breath turning into smoke as soon as it leaves her lips, “Park Jimin!”

The night is silent, the cold chilling her exposed skin to the bone. She hardly notices at all, the sound of the complete silence deadening all her senses. She breaks into a run down the street, picking a random direction and hoping that she’ll be able to catch up to him.

YN isn’t sure how long she’s out in the freezing temperatures, calling for Jimin fruitlessly, but she almost jumps out of her skin when a pair of warm hands land on her shoulder. With a startled scream, YN pulls away, turning towards her apparent attacker. Kim Taehyung stands there, hands raised in a sign of good intent.

“Woah, woah, woah, YN! Calm down, it’s just me,”

“Taehyung?” YN asks, beginning to notice the chill finally as the man snaps her out of her hysteria, “What are you doing here?”

Her friend looks bewildered.

“What am I doing here? I rushed over as soon as our call cut off and - but nevermind, let’s get you inside! It’s literally snowing out here and you’re practically wearing nothing. Your lips are blue,”

Gently, Taehyung leads her back to her house, her front door standing open and small drifts of snow taking up space in the doorway. The man kicks out what he can with the sole of his boot, shutting the door while YN stands shivering right beside her couch.

“Jesus, YN, what happened? Why are you running around like a madwoman in the middle of winter? Where’s Jimin?”

Almost instantly, the girl collapses into the startled Taehyung’s arms, tears slipping down her freezing cheeks and stinging as she desperately attempts to draw breaths in. Her body isn’t listening to her it seems, as she continues to cry loudly, clinging onto Taehyung like a lifeline.

Although he’s confused and slightly frightened, Taehyung holds the girls closely, patting her gently like he’s seen in the movies. When her cries finally calm down slightly, morphing into ugly hiccups, her leads her to the plush sofa, sitting her down gently and tossing the throw she keeps on the furniture over her goosebumped legs, rubbing them quickly over the fleece.

YN rubs at her temple, a headache already making herself from her sudden fit.

“What happened, YN? What’s going on?”

“I - Jimin - he,” she pauses, sucking in a large gulp of air and taking several deep, slow breaths, “I had Jimin soaking in ice water when you called me. I slipped away to answer you, and then we had our conversation. But he must have slipped out of the water, hormones or whatever, and then the next thing I knew he was hugging me from behind. I was startled, and I dropped and broke my phone,”

The girl grows quiet for a moment, as if she’s processing her story as if she wasn’t the one who was telling it.

“I suggested your solution. It was dumb, I was dumb, but I was frightened of him. You frightened me with all of your possibilities because it seemed like things were going as you said they would . . . that maybe I would wake up one day in a vice grip I couldn’t escape from. But I should have known better. I should have known better,”

She’s shaking herself, arguing with herself it seems.

“You don’t him, Taehyung. I do. I know Jimin. I know he wouldn’t have done anything. I knew, really I did. But I was afraid, so I asked him. You should have seen his face. You should have seen it, Taehyung!”

She’s yelling now, anguish bubbling to the surface.

“He looked so hurt. So broken! Worse than he ever looked when he talked about his past, worse than when we broke him out of Saint Mary’s, worse than I’ve ever seen! I didn’t know someone could look so . . . so . . . defeated. Like he had his heart ripped out. It was me who made him feel that way, me! I’m the monster here, Tae!” Another sob, short, like she’s grasping for breath in the middle of drowning, “Because he was waiting for me! He sat there and bawled his eyes out talking about all these hopes and wishes I didn’t know he even had, hopes and wishes that all had something to do with me. I hurt him. I hurt him because I couldn’t even say anything as he bared his soul, as he confessed he was in love with me, Taehyung. I couldn’t even say anything, just say there uselessly, and now he’s gone into the wild in nothing but a damp shirt! He doesn’t even have shoes!” She wailing now.

On the other side of the couch, Taehyung sits with an uneasy feeling in his stomach, guilt flaring up inside of him.

“I’m so sorry,” he says, throat dry and eyes burning.

“It’s not your fault. It’s no one’s fault but mine! I did all of this!”

“Do you love him?” Taehyung asks quietly.

“What?” she asks with a sniff.

“Do you love him?” Tae repeats, leaning forward and searching her red eyes.

“I - I can’t love him, Tae! I can’t! We’re - it would never work. He’s not human, Taehyung. We could never have a future together. I haven’t even let myself think about it. A hopeless pipedream,”

“You’re an idiot, YN. An actual idiot,” the man says harshly.

“What?” she asks, not expecting the sudden change in his tone.

“Jimin is just as human as you and me. He bleeds the same way, he cries the same way, his soul is every bit as legitimate as mine or yours. The only thing that makes us different is that foolhardy scientists with a god complex did torturous experiments on his ancestors, that his senses are heightened, that he has to go through this heat every time the first of the year rolls around. If you’ve been holding out on loving him because you think he’s something less than you, you don’t deserve him,”

YN stands in a fit of rage, shoving Taehyung harshly.

“Of course he’s not less than! How dare you even suggest I think he’s below me?! Jimin is the sweetest, most giving person I’ve ever met, Taehyung! He’s so easy to make happy, so willing to do things for others, such a bright person despite all the shit that’s been tossed his way!”

“So you’re saying you love him?”

“Of course I fucking love him! Maybe not the way he loves me, not yet, but I can’t even imagine living without him, Tae! I can’t even dream it!”

Standing up and brushing the remaining bits of snow off of himself, Taehyung grins at her, placing a large hand on top of her head.

“Then we’ve got a hybrid to find,”

But despite all of Taehyung’s outreaching and mysterious connections, the two of them are unable to locate Jimin, spending hours every day searching near and far, hoping that one of Tae’s people will be able to find him. Every day that passes YN grows more concerned, worried sick over Jimin.

Is he safe? Has he found somewhere to sleep? Does he have food? Clothes? Is he warm?

The optimistic part of her wants to believe that Jimin is perfectly okay, that he’s somewhere and not even thinking of her, moving on with his life and heading out to make something of himself.

But a larger part, the frightening part, can’t help but think he’s tucked away in some run down shed in the middle of nowhere, starving and freezing to death, wishing for his end to come believing he’s unloved, that no one will miss him when he’s gone.

Nearly three whole weeks pass by in terrible silence, YN barely able to drag herself to work, her health depleting as the fate of Jimin rots her from the inside. She’s nearly given up when Tae gives her a call, telling her that he’s finally found a lead, a man by Jimin’s description spotted in a grocery store about twenty miles away. His man had followed him to an abandoned looking house just off of a dirt road hardly traveled.

YN stops herself from feeling relief, afraid to be disappointed like the last two false calls Tae had reported to her. She doesn’t think her heart can take another disappointment.

When Taehyung’s old pickup rolls to a stop with a whine, YN sits stone still inside, eyes glancing at the house through a small smattering of trees, run down shackles falling off of its roof, the front door ajar and barely hanging onto its hinges, the tired looking paint peeling off off the outer walls.

“Are you ready?” Taehyung asks, breaking the dead silence.

“No,” she whispers, a sinking feeling falling into her gut.

“Me neither. Let’s go in,”

The two walk towards the house, their feet leaving marks in the thick mud and slush on the ground. The sight of a third pair of fading tracks seizes YN’s heart, her breathing speeding up. She clenches her fists in anticipation, remembering the martial arts she took as a child in case things go south.

The house makes a squeak as her feet stand on the rotting porch, YN glancing to Taehyung in a vain attempt to make herself feel better. The man had offered to check this out himself, but YN had insisted on going with him.

All the duo find in the abandoned house is a plate of messy leftovers on a broken down table in the kitchen, like the person eating had to leave in a rush and tried to eat as much as they could before departing. Nothing else is in the house except for the smell of decay and the few rats and roaches lingering in the corners, watching them with suspicious eyes.

YN is just about to call it a day, heart already bruised when there’s a groan coming from the floorboards. YN almost believes she’s hearing things until another sound come, a whining noise, and she and Taehyung give each other a glance. They sweep the place, more carefully this time, and Taehyung finds a loose floorboard he yanks up, wiping his dirty hands on his pants. The board hid a small wrought iron handle which he grasps tightly, pulling up.

For a moment nothing happens, but eventually the house yields, a cold draft seeping up from the gaping hole in the floor.

The noises are louder now, a grunt making its way up to their ears. YN, unable to see anything, presses a covered toe into the blackness, nearly falling when her foot makes contact with nothing but the air.

“I’ll go first,” Taehyung suggests, but YN shakes her head, sitting on the floor and slipping into the darkness.

Her feet hit the floor a bit unsteadily, YN flailing but righting herself.

Before she can call out, she finds herself pinned by a pair of glowing golden eyes, a growl ripping out into the void.

She can hardly see, but she softens at the sight of those familiar eyes, bright with anger. She takes another step and he growls again, but she ignores the clear warning, getting closer until she’s squatting right in front of him.

He makes a whimpering noise, looking away from her, eyes closing in an attempt to pretend she’s not there.

Jimin had been so hurt, is still so hurt when YN looked at him without saying a thing, so hurt when she broke his heart. It was worse than any pain he felt before. He’d left in a blind wave of hopelessness with the realization of something he’d kept suppressed for years.

He’s truly unlovable, isn't he? How could he delude himself into thinking someone as sweet, brave, so fucking perfect as YN could ever look at him the way he looked at her.

So why is she here? Why, when he’s already accepted that nothing good was meant for his pointless life.

“Jimin,” she whispers, almost like she’s afraid being too loud might shatter him.

It just might.

“Go away. Leave me alone,” he whispers, exhausted.

He’s tired. He’s so tired of being kicked around by the world. He doesn’t have the energy to stand up against it anymore, to fight against it.

YN doesn’t pay his words any attention, arms looping around his thinning waist, pulling him closer to her, laying her head on top of his bony shoulder.

“It’s my fault, Jimin. Mine. God, it’s not what you think. Not at all. I - I just thought your heat was making things fuzzy for you, that all of your words and actions were just consequences of that. I thought that the two of us had no business being anything more than friends to each other, that nothing could ever work out, that you’d come to resent me in the future. But Jimin,” she laughs slightly, pulling herself closer to him, “Living without you is hell. Being without you is hell. You’ve made me realize how beautiful the world is. It must be, for someone like you to live in it, for you to be alive and breathing the same air, for you to be there, holding me in your sleep, for your laugh to be the most heavenly sound I’ve ever heard, for your smile to make any shitty day a million times better. My life is better with you in it, Jimin, so much better that I can’t go back to living without it. And I’m sorry I’m so shit with feeling and I’m making it complicated but - I guess what I’m trying to say is -”

There’s a noise somewhere between a laugh and a sob as the hybrid’s arms wrap around her as well, squeezing so tightly she can hardly breathe. But it’s the noise, the noise she loves so much to hear, dusting across her neck.

“You’re an idiot,” he says, nuzzling into her.

“I know,” she replies, tears gathering in her eyes.

“But I’m an idiot too,”

“I know,”

“And I’m so in love with you,”

She cries as she kisses him, hands tangling into his knotted hair, his warmth seeping into her.

She doesn’t feel so cold anymore.

-----------------------

A/N

I want to thank you all for going down this journey with me, for reading my little story and hopefully feeling something. Thank you to those who commented, sent asks, liked, reblogged, and those who did none of those things, but still took the time out of their lives to read Sanctuary. This story has a special place in my heart.

Don’t worry, this won’t be the last of it you see, I promise!

Love you all!

#networkbangtan #bts #bts x reader #jimin #jimin x reader #bts fluff #bts angst #jimin fluff #jimin angst #hybrid bts #hybrid jimin #bts fic

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princebete · 5 years

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So Wednesday morning I got a call from the same person who hired me at my current job, who was supposed to train since joining as an Esthetician.

She said that “ I am not spunky enough” and not “ what they are looking for” as far as the position and basically discontinued my candidacy in the training program...

thing is...

i never even got to train.

When I was hired in October, my license was still in limbo and I was put on the front desk to learn that basic position, until my license would be posted. Not to mention, when I was hired, their main desk person was there for two days before dropping to one shift a week. So I filled a hole, but I did not get trained appropraitely. Queue the fucking holiday rush. All November and mid-December I worked on front desk... awaiting my license to be approved so I could end the nightmare. I wanted to be a service provider so bad, and then I went to California for christmas, and came back to the desk again... and my family was asking me when I’d start training, and I asked myself this question. And I noticed I had a personal development meeting scheduled... so I though perhaps that I’d learn more front desk until they could train me. And my license had finally been posted...

I feel so mislead and lied to. Like ... I told an esthetician that I consider an acquaintance and SHE IS MORE QUIET THAN ME ... what the fuck

i feel like there is another “non legal” reason... and honestly ... no matter what anyone says. Estheticians and Cosmos are opposite. Esthes are not meant to be with a personality of a cosmo, and when I WAS IN SCHOOL HALF OF THE COSMOS WERE LIKE “ why are you not a stylist?? you have the personality for one!” what the fuck. Esthes are the “spa” relaxing, mellow lighting, soothing music--- massage type of environment. Not the loud obnoxious pop rock music blaring in the background while people scream out their life story over hair dryers and alumnimum foil. No---

no i think it’s bcause of the fact that I am a fuller figure

that because I am larger, the illusion is that-that i move slower and do less.. that because i am big i seem “ Less” and because of this it takes away opportunities. it’s terrible.

it’s a world of outliers. there is no more middle ground it’s either :

body positivity!! and accepting unhealthy behavior

or it’s

“appear” healthy because of ur size ( which is total bull shit) and ur not a health insurance risk, and u fit the social standard that’s been around in post modern era.

.... like i HATE THIS ... i am trying hard right now.

I am HUNGRY, guys. I’m STARVING right now.

I HAVE eaten, I am on a special diet plan to lose up to 5 a week ( yes dropping 5 a week is not as healthy as 2-3... i already know)

I am following a diet plan that was written in 1984!! and for what? so i dont have to worry about being a fat bride!! so I can make more money!! SO I DONT HAVE TO WORK IN A POSITION WHERE I HAVE TO BEND TO THE WILL OF SOME PRIVLEGED SNOB.

this society sucks. it takes away job opportunities, it takes my happiness( well for 6 months...) and i know this isn’t forever, and this is a special metabolism diet plan, so it’s not crash dieting. i mean it is a LOT less food, but it’s healthy... I mean

i get a limit on calorie intake, and i walk after eating consistent meals. they aren’t filling, but i mean-- my stomach is shrinking and that diet world is all backwards all the time anyway. but it SUCKS. i can’t just march up to the fridge and grab a cheese stick right now ( unless weight watchers which if u do, u just track it) -- anyways I digress... but there is just so much pressure and stress, which to me is a lot of suffering just to “ get it right” in the world.

It’s just very sad to go through this, and make an effort ... yet still get rejected... I mean I was kinda disliking the place anyway?? but i was hoping that my training would turn around my feelings and help me reconcile my view. but it was all a lie.

and they paid me less than a desk person... yep. they paid me what an esthetician would make when not taking commission. I feel like i got sucked into this, so they could put me on desk, pay me less, then tell me i wont be working as an esthetician to keep me on desk

... and ever since I’ve been in a state of shock. “ Well” I thought “ at least I have my other $14.50/hr job that makes me a $100 per 8 hour shift. That’s good!” .... but oh no

an email came from my supervisor last night .

Mandatory company wide call at 9 am in the morning. On a Friday... our pay day... in JANUARY.

----o fuck this can’t be good.

and my suspicions were correct....

they disbanded the beauty concierge program. I got my sister a job with this company and she lives on her own with her bf so i mean... she dependso n this too... so it sucks... i am kinda... wow

After 6 years they decide to disband THIS year. The year I join.

So I am now working very part time as a front desk person earning 10.50 and hour with the looming storm of student loans in student view....

anyways i dont know why i spew all this yhere. im looking for an outlet so perhaps some people, you, my friends-- can see what is up.

Honestly.. as far as career goes...

I don’t really know what I want anymore. I know that I dont wanna waste my life on something meaningless, and I feel like I am endlessly searching for something-- learning about the bad parts, and discarding it... but Iwould like to find something where if I find those bad parts, I’d be okay with embracing it and just rolling with the punches.

So far I have not found it yet.

in all honestly, if i could just be a home maker and not work at all, do art and cosplay and sing in the evenings-- that’d be ideal.

Right now I am learning more about UX/UI to see if I could use my art degree and make more money. But... for the most part I am looking up wax specialists, and office administration type jobs... where the front desk person does all the party planning and grocery shopping for the office. lol .. I know sounds lazy, but whatever Ican admit that--- my laziness can be translated to depression.

I just really wanna lose weight... this strict plan isn’t forever. The book I am using the method from strictly outlines that it is a temporary thing just to get metabolism on track using a series of net carbs, good fats and calorie reduction-- so it’s not like it is unhealthy. It’s not like if I went and got some cheetohs or ate a cookie I’d be fucked like if I was on keto ....

tbh I should be a weightloss plan expert I’ve done it all...

but yeah.

anyways-- thanks for listening to my rant

all in all my life isn’t that bad

i have a home

a car

a wonderful cat

a loving fiance

education

and some money to my name. i’m not totally broke.

I am very grateful and i am not to sore about all of this, it’s just crazy that it’s happening within days of eachother. and it kind sucks cuz this means i may not have a paycheck next couple weeks... or atleast a good one. 10.50 an hour my ASS. but oh well it’s SOMETHING.

ALSO .... I might make a blog for tracking my wedding plans-- if anyone likes that suff and wants to follow... I may post reference to that. otherwise <3 love you all

#rant #ooc #the shit went down #fuck 2019 already

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ecoamerica · 2 months

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extradan · 5 years

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flashpony replied to your post: “Yo, Dan. Follower from way back, 6 or 7 years. Pretty much stopped...”:

Haha, yes I remember you posted quite often back then, and I remember what you mean by edgy, lol. When I was in high school, I'd check Tumblr throughout the day and you would post so much, but it always made me laugh. Your art really has come a long way! But your style was always unique (still is), which is what drew me in. I really hope the people running this site come to their senses, as I still hold this site in my heart as I frequented it for about 2 - 3 years.

haha I would post so much! I had such a large mouth back then! still do!! but I am more minimalist now since I think its also important to spare my followers as well haha

I’m glad I was there to make you laugh! Its all I ever wanted to do! laughter is healthy!

I guess I did have my art signature then, but now its stronger than ever! and tumblirized !!! lamfo

I’d be honest and I just hope for the masiah that will replace tumblr, knowing the marketing behind tumblr in the HQ, I dont feel comfortable using this website as long as it is under the hands of verzion, I am overwhemly mad at what Tumblr as a cooperation have become and I dont think I can forgive them, even if they come to their senses and decide that they were in the wrong when they made the decision to nuke all nsfw on tumblr that prevented them from selling ads along the presence of porn.

It honestly can only go two ways, either verzion will continue to be stubborn about keeping their new policies in line since they must think that we’re just ignorant, dumb and that we dont understand anything since were not intellectual enough to understand why they made the decision they made, and maybe with time, they think somewhat things will be resolved and their website will be running just fine even with their new policies

or verzion will not continue to take “tumblr is dying” for granted, and will come to realization that sacrificing not making money along side porn is still more profitable than a dead website that brings no profit at all

whichever the case, I think what crossed the line for me is the mentioned “oh man, black lives matter gonna brings us a ton of money!”

Verzion’s CEO or past ceo or whatever is also the scum who offered, promoted and passed the anti net neutrality law, therefor he is, Ajit Pai.

I just hope for a new platform to rise, I dont wanna use twitter for blogging and I dont wanna go back to ... newgrounds.. oh the dark times, the dark horrible times!.

With my experience with tumblr as a website and my experience with communicating with the stuff, I’ll take huge pleasure in the death of this website, I am gonna celebrate it like theres no day tomorrow and mock tumblr for the rest of my life, but at the same time.. theres no where to go.. and all the community that made tumblr the place that was worth to visit everyday, are all moving out.. different places..it is a huge tragedy.. and im gonna miss having what i was having for the past 6 years and right now.. I hope to find myself this cozy in a blogging website as I did here... I’ll have to rebuild everything even then, but what im concerned about is a place that will make me and many others feel home, like Tumblr’s format did.. im gonna miss dearly all what I had here.. im gonna miss everybody..

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tylerwritez · 3 years

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Saturday, June 19 2021

I dont know how I feel about the day yet cos right now its only 10:13. I dont post these exactly on the days I write them, but I write them on these exact days nonetheless.

My throat still hurts, my ass hurts, oUch,.... I'm sure you know why. Like, when you suck dick, it takes throat strength to make sure you don't fucking vomit everywhere and like. I OBVIOUSLY dont have that strength since I had to wash vomit outta my hair this morning

Hes so hot tho oh. My god.

Whatever. New day. So we talk about new things.

Star seems kinda sad but I dont really know why? She said on her story that people dont really go outta their way to talk to her... idk. I shot a good morning dm and now I'm here. I made my bed. Packed up my shit. Every time we pack things up my parents rage cos they always find shit they dont want to see: monster cans, evidence of my self harm, etc.

We have 1 more week then school is OVER and I move outta this house cos of the divorce. Jay will be gone too... I still have his insta, but I might ask for his number... just in case. I always get weirdly attached to people I fuck even if there was never any romantic part of the relationship. We are just friends.

Apparently we are going to the pick n pack today with my friend let's call her Zara. It's notfar off from her real name but whatever. Basically pick n pack is where you go to a vegetable garden and pick vegetables

I have a test soon but idk if I'll study for it. I NEVER really put work into studying or pay attention in class and I'm holding an 82 average. I got a 39 once, so once I retake that quiz I might be in the 90s. Sorry Mr. Renal, I simply can't bring myself to care about your class 😢

I LOVE my art class tho. It's just doing ART!!!! ART TIME!!!! Art is the best and I would post some of mine but my irls would proabably find me then. Like my name isnt ACTUALLY Jude Shepard. I'm just using it as a penname and also cos that's what they called me in my dream. But other than that everything I tell y'all is real. I'm making buttered toast rn.

3:38 p.m. sat june 19th

I've decided to include a song recommendation with every entry. Today's recommendation: A Match Into Water by Pierce The Veil

Okay so it turns out we didnt go to pick n pack with Zara. Instead we went to downtown... White Ave. It was sunny n we walked a bit, got lemonades and a bit of candy, went into stores, idk. BUT. The notable part of this is that next to the farmers market there were all the usual activist groups: falun gong, vegan, whatever... but one of them looked like it was a LEFTIST GROUP, possible marxist.

I wanted to talk to them so badly and wanted to see how I could help the cause. See, I'm a communist. AND IM NOT HERE TO DEBATE THAT. I'm here to talk about my days. Anwyays I wanted to talk to them sO BADLY. but my parents wouldn't leave me alone. And like. I hate political discussion with them. They just upset me and they get mad and I CANT AFFORD TO MAKE THEM MAD. I play everything that goes on with me on the Down Low, I dont talk about anything about myself because if I do, I get less freedom in my life. They have control in my life, so I have to appease them. Because of this, I unfortunately did not get to talk to the communists :(

Hopefully they're still there next time... I'm kinda mad >:(

Also Star replied to my good morning text... I told her to have fun shopping since that's what she told me she was gonna do... she just said "thanks" and I was concerned because THATS NOT HOW SHE TYPES? I feel like shes sad over something but i dont know what.

The day me and Jacob did stuff, I was supposed to walk her to her bus stop like I always do. But I didnt (duh) I took Jacob home.

But IT WAS ONE! DAY. And I told her my dad called me over so.... I apologized too and she seemed mad at herself, but in the way that's intended to make you feel bad.

I dont understand her sometimes. I LOVE HER. DON'T GET ME WRONG. I love her so so much shes such a great supportive funny attractive girl! But soemtimes she gets upset and I can never tell why: is it the depression? Is it me? Is it soemthing else entirely? And she'll never tell me.

Whatever, I'll ask her how she is tonight and maybe we can Talk :/

I might never tell her about Jay... :P I might never tell ANYONE about Jay. It's our little secret I guess >:))))))

Man see? I'm no saint. I guess that's what'll make this blog worth reading. I'm a bit conflicted about the whole thing cos I KNOW this is morally not right but. I'm doing it anyways. What can I say? I'm used to lying and hiding things for my benefit. I had to do it to survive and now? Now I do it for funsies.

I'm gonna pack some more stuff, TTYL ♡

UPDATE: we had to go look at houses for the move (since my parents r divorcing) and I didnt get to pack much of anything yet

I'm definently over my cal limit today...

Cold sweet or carbonated drinks help with my throat pain so I'm downing them like they're NOTHING and since we have no zero cal cold drinks I'm DEAD... and no, water does NOTHING.

Jeez, its raining out.

And FUCK JAY cos hes still on my mind.

Its 4:11 p.m. now.

Its now 7:56 p.m.

I kinda feel like an edgy main character in an edgy movie rolling up to the park and sitting #alone in the Treez like the emo band music video protagonist I am.

Sometimes its exhausting to talk to people I care about in a serious way or that I talk to in a more sincere manner like Star and Jay and others. Even if they're just friends. If our interactions are serious and not really casual and usually play out like long deep conversation, I feel like to respond to or even read their messages, I need to have like an hour allotted to conversation. Soemtimes I see the messages early and have to pretend I didnt see em cos I dont have internet to respond or time to respond its. Funny. Idk.

Anwyays I'm binging chocolate in a park alone and like. Rotting my fucking teeth OH WELL 🤷🏻‍♂️ whatcha gonna do.

Its 8 now so I should head home. I just biked to the s4ve 0ns to get my dad white choclate but. If I'm going to s4ve 0ns... YOU BET YOUR ASS IM GONNA STE4L SHIT. THAT PLACE IS EASY AS FUCKKK.

Also I'm kinda addicted to sh0pl1fting. The THRILL I get from it is so insane. It's fun! And you get free stuff! I know If i get caught I'm risking a lot. I'm aware. But I dont really care. Every step I take nowadays is risk taking. So why not take more?

I dont care about nonsense therapy. Fuck that.... actually I'll explain why i dont go to therapy for my shit:

1. I cant

2. I don't trust it

Anwyays yeah.

My throat still hurts. Idk, I just like to be in the sun and shit ALONE.

ALONE! It's so funny to me how now I like my time alone but as a kid I'd proabably kill for some positive attention. Well... it's more complex than that, but I wont go into it tonight.

Pls watch me die of diabetes soon from eating all this fucking chocolate.

My parents said to stop drinking monster and I wANT THEM TO TRUST ME so i can go out with my friends... but also I shoulda got monster outta spite. Heart palpitations my ASS.

Tonight I'll be talking to Jay AND Star. At the same time. Which is awkward... Which is MY OWN MESS TO CLEAN UP. I actually accept full responsibility. But also its awkward.

Whatever. I'll sort it out.

My parents arent being as complicated as usual. I guess they're tryna reverse all those years of... emotional neglect i guess? Something.

Something. Which isnt nothing.

But also I think they're guilty over the divorce. Like. Today my dad was like "do u ever feel sad? Blah blah blah... how do u feel rn" and I was like smiling tryna play off his question like it was absurd and I said "uhm idk... *fake laugh* normal?"

THE TRUTH WAS THAT I WAS A BIT CONFUDDLED ABOUT WHAT I WAS GONNA DO REGARDING. LITERALLY CHEATING. ON MY GF. WITH SOME DUDE IN MY ART CLASS. JUST FOR SEX.

But then he was like "this isnt normal." And he looked all sad. But on my way to the park here, I thought about it a bit more. And actually... it IS normal. The divorce rate is smthn like 60 percent in the states and 40 percent in canada... which is where I live.

Yknow... if my irls find this,,, all I have to say is sorry. Be as mean as you want.

I've already accepted my fate as a degenerate scumbag anyways lol.

Actually... how DO I feel? Hmm... laying in this field.

Urgency.

I have a lot of stuff to do.

Physical pain, but that's not. A FEELING.

I guess anticipation to TALK TO PEOPLE.

Regret from my binge... I better get home.

You know what's so funny to me? I cant purge on my own... but dick makes me vomit. Like the one time I DONT want to throw up, I do. Damn okay.

Well its 8:18 so I'm going home maybe. Soon. For now, I think I'll stay a little longer.

Yknow one thing I didn't expect to be sore was my arms... which I used to prop myself up to... yknow, suck Jay...

I still remember he said: "you're trembling." And I was like FUCK because I thought the trembling was HIM... •_• it's okay though I'll learn to do better.

Idk tho... I feel comfortable with him. Even as nervous as I am and embarrassed to be. Naked. In front of soemone else. And such. He makes me feel comfortable. Look, I did my best, DUH of cOURSE I did my best, I'm the type who will work hard at stuff even if they're getting hurt. I didnt mind honeslty. My goal in that part was just to make him feel good. Equal exchange, yknow? He did the same thing to me.

But like, he can tell when I gag and he tells me not to hurt myself and of course I keep going, I'm not about to SToP. But. I dont kNOW. Him talking to me like that makes me feel a lot safer doing stuff like that you know?

I like when he starts kissing me and touching me like he cant contain himself its almost animalistic and VERY FUCKING HOT

I feel like I talk about him too much but you gotta realize that was my FIRST time

1. Sucking dick

2. having MY junk sucked

3. Having anything put. Inside me. (It was just his finger but stILL)

So yeaH. Of course I'm gonna talk about it. A lot.

He said I was adorable. He said he likes how, when he leans over me, I take in a breath... how he could make me flinch.

THATS HOT ISNT IT.

I feel like I'm getting lost in his charm when I shoULD be tryna fix shit with my girlfriend. She seems sad and I'm worried.

But there isnt much more to say until I DM her tonight...

I really fucked up, didn't I? I totally fucked up and now my brain is all confused. But I have to remember that Jay is only about sex. He would be nice to cuddle, since hes fucking HUGE and I'm kinda on the short side, but he doesnt talk to me out of love. He does it out of lust. And yeah... I really only want sex from him too. But like. Star and I are COMMITTED. We got our feelings wrapped up together. Emotionally and romantically.

So. I should proabably like... stop fucking with Jay. Tell Star what I did. And hope she forgives me. That's the morally correct thing to do.

But like... do I EVER make the morally correct decision? No. Not really. I'm a piece of shit. Whatever. Its highschool anwyays we arent mating for life. IM NOT SAYING WHAT I DID WASNT BAD. IT WAS. VERY BAD.

but I'm gonna keep making bad decisions.

I DO FEEL BAD.... but look. If we're being logical about this and tryna maximize my benefit here,, I should keep Star as my girlfriend and TREAT HER WELL... but with Jay as a fuckbuddy on the side. Hes leaving the school soon anwyays so then we'll hang out less...

That's my plan, anyways.

I KNOW I'm a bad person. I'm aware. But it's just a fact of life.

I'm cheating with my cards here in so many places: stealing, lying, cheating, disobeying my parents, not paying attention in class.. IM KIND OF AN ASSHOLE KID. Idk. It's kinda whatever to me. I'm fucking harry Houdini, okay? I can get out of anyhting. This isnt me being cocky... I have historically gotten out of MANY tight situations, even some that risked my life, and I'm still here. I think I'm a walking lucky charm or SOEMTHING

Welp, we know if gods real I'm going to hell.

I dont really care. Idk. I guess I'm just at that risk taking phase in.my life. That doesnt justify anything... but it explains it. And it's possible to explain without justifying.

Man,,, I guarantee whoever reads this blog is gonna hate my guts.

Whatever. It's my fucking journal/diary lol.

I can sorta say whatever I'd like.

It's funny because I always thought I was trustworthy and had no commitment issues BUT HEY I GUESS NOT.

I keep telling myself, cut him off, YOU AVE A GIRLFRIEND, FESS UP AND APOLOGIZE... but then I picture his STUPID smirking face and I CANT.

Maybe I am in love double.

Doesnt matter if I am... i still did a bad thing.

DAMN.

Well... I'm headed back home now. 8:41. I'm gonna pack my shit, change, watch youtube,,,, I guess I should check my google classroom and like. do my fucking homework... cos I haven't done it yet.

Then I'll update yall.

11:51 p.m.

Hey guys I'm back with an update.

I talked with both of then... star doesnt seem interested in having an actual conversation,,, shes just talking about random bs. Which is fine but I dont rly get what shes saying half the time COS SHES NOT BLUNT ENOUGH. and then the other half shes going on about how much she hates life. Like.

I do love her. We've bonded. I AM concerned about her. But sometimes I feel like she doesn't really try. Like I can talk her down from suicide all I want but everything I say is wrong and cliched and based off my own experience with suicidal thoughts and like... my mentality has always been sorta toxicly masculine. Push through, and push through alone. I CANT ALWAYS HELP! And it makes me feel shitty. Idk. She'll be okay, I know so cos of her story posts and drawings.

I feel bad but I know I can't help much. We talked a little. Idk, we didnt get anywhere. I love her but shes acting in a way that tells me soemthing is wrong but I CANT FIX THAT THING. SO. yeah, theres not much to say. I wish I could take away all her pain but I can't.

I talked to Jay as well... I DONT KNOW WHATS HAPPENING BECAUSE I LIKE HIM SO SO MUCH. SO MUCH. HES LITERALLY PERFECT. sexy, kind and super considerate, he always makes sure I'm comfortable... I dont KNOW,,, hes sweet.

Hes not romantically interested in me. Which is a bit sad. Sometimes I want to tell him "I love you!!!" But then I remember that we are, in his words, friends with benefits. Fuck buddies. Two horny teenage boys who just wanna fuck... and be friends. That's all. That's us. We aren't romantically involved nor will we ever be. I hate how my brain gets so attached to anyone I fuck... especially since I kinda see Jay as an "older brother" figure, which makes no sense until you actually meet him and vibe with him... and like,,, I've always wanted that?

Tommorow I'm gonna ask for him to come over to watch a movie... but idk if I should actually ask because my parents kinda hate me now for fucking up so much. I'll do my homework and clean my room first... which will take up all my time proabably :( it's okay. Maybe some other time :(

I dont want him to lose interest in me though.

.... its 1:56 a.m.

Okay. Okay. I'll say it. I love him.

Goodnight, tumblr.

-Jude

#JudeJournals #jude shepard #tumblr diary #journal

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annieoftheshitposts · 7 years

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this post used to be a link to the old canons page but i’m turning it into a text dump of the revised one for people on mobile [or who have bad wifi/computers that the fancy schmancy script on the canons page wouldn’t play well with.] theres a lot sorry not sorry. here we go.

Canon Info

Much more is said about Annie in external sources than the game itself, here's copypastes of all I know of and go by.

From the 3rd DLC Character Voting page:

As popular figures in nationwide folktales, a children’s television adaptation of Annie and Sagan’s adventures was inevitable. The show’s success lies in its pair of live action hosts, who are as convincing as their cartoon counterparts. Though what the public learns about the real Annie might surprise them. Annie is a seasoned fighter who has been around for a long time, acquiring many skills and powers along the way. Her sword is forged from a meteorite and can channel the power of the stars in its sweeping cleaves. Her right eye bonds her to her Remote Parasite and partner, Sagan, who grants her powers of a galactic motif. While some of her abilities carry more of a sparkly magical girl motif, Annie tries to execute them with the same sternness.

From "The canon info thread" on Skullheart Encore forums:

-Annie is several-century-old. Her immortality was gained when her parents wished on the Skull Heart so that Annie would never have to experience the hardship of adulthood, thereby making her forever a child. -She has had many different weapons and abilities throughout her life. - Sagan, her remote parasite. keeps her right eye in his mouth. - She’s physically not able to swear due to her condition - She is familiar with Double due to her experience fighting Skullgirls - Annie has encountered a lot of Skullgirls and has killed a lot, but not the same a lot. She’s seen the cycle multiple times and seen how they become stronger each time and is looking for the underlying source now. - The Annie of the Stars show is very similar to the Super Mario Bros. Super Show with live action segments with cartoons and PSAs and commercials in between. - Sagan can talk. Somehow. - Annie hides her immortality by getting a new hairstyle every few years. The show tells the audience that they have simply changed the actress. Eliza also pulls a similar trick

and finally some other misc. scraps that weren't covered above:

-annie has some kind of "super" or "powered up" form, in which she seems to fuse with sagan. it can be seen on her

move concept sheet, in the end of robo-fortune's story mode, and as a very tiny feature on one of robo-fortune's merch posters, but to my knowlege it's never really been talked about.

-she's been depicted with an "incognito outfit", presumably for going out in public and not being recognized by fans.

-sagan is named after renowned astrophysicist carl sagan. this isnt really relevant to anything but it's not on the wiki so i figured i'd share :b

-and this random pic of annie in the past with a different look, plus gun and minus eyepatch, apparently official art from the "digital art compendium". i haven't seen the source for this one myself though, and count this one more as speculative canon since that ingame image up there with her eye uncovered doesn't show a scar or any kind of damage from this.

-another canon fact about annie is she is strong and brave and i love her.

Headcanon (Annie)

this is pretty disorganized bc i come up with and revise random shit on a fairly regular basis, but the very least it should be all here and up-to-date. [though on this text post version i may forget to keep it updated oops.

she can still only normally see from the one eye in her head [and likewise probably has terrible depth perception lmao], but she can “project” her vision into the one sagan has if need be, during which time both he and her main eye are blind.

even though sagan’s vision is his own and she doesn’t actively “see” through that eye most of the time, the stuff he sees still becomes part of her memory and she can recall it if need be, though it’s far less tangible and kind of a surreal experience trying to do so.

the space where her other eye was is now just...space. like empty starry void stuff. yes, TECHNICALLY, you could put stuff in it but why would you. sagan can feel when something interacts with it and it’s really just weird and uncomfortable for both of them.as sagan is the source of their powers, the strength of her abilities is slightly dependent on her distance from him. something like long sustained flight is really only capable if they’re touching, but she still has ample firepower and ability to zip around for a pretty good range otherwise.

Not interested in anime

absolutely hates being called her full name; hasn't gone by anything other than "Annie" for longer than anyone that should be alive today should know.

part of her curse of eternal youth is remembering everything up until the point it kicked in and she stopped aging [i.e. when she was Actually a kid] exactly as well as if she hadn’t aged.

from that point however, a lot of it is hazy as shit aside from more recent times [as you’d expect from someone who’s been around hundreds of years]. this one's gonna be angsty as shit when i address it and you can thank @sandstriker for that. fucker.

also hates being restrained. by the concept sheet and beo's story, her fighting style is very kinetic and relies heavily on mobility; take that away and you get one very uncomfortable and very angry starchild. [this one's 'cause of y'all with the handcuffs asks. this is part of why she's so agitated rn.]

what's in the pouch? whatever is alternatively convenient. is it snacks? is it a quick incognito disguise? is it her whole entire sword? who knows. i think it might be infinite hammerspace in there.

i haven't put much though into this side of her story yet, but i've decided part of the mythos of the "annie of the stars" character as a figure of legend is that she literally lives, among the stars.

if there's enough folktales about her to base an entire show off of, i'm willing to bet she used to be less elusive when she was just about fighting skullgirls before dedicating herself to the whole "looking for the underlying source" thing.

Headcanon (Sagan)

tl;dr: as far as things go here, he's essentially a cat and/or younger sibling.

Sagan's canon information and characterization is basically nonexistant, so i got to do pretty much whatever i wanted with him lmao.

simply put, he's a little gremlin of a partner, but he is genuinely good-natured and a happy-go-luckly little dude. mischevious, loves to get up to Shenanigans, go off and hide/disappear to fuck knows where for several hours, climb and sit on tall things[or failing that, annie's head], etc. @sawkinator has described him, regrettably accurately, as "the Token Disney Animal Sidekick". he has a lot of mannerisms like an animal, but is still very much a being of at least average human intelligence. he's also surprisingly indestructible. far from invincible of course, but in canon he's been shown to be quite stretchy and...possibly have minor shapeshifting capabilities?? he's pretty much immune to being squashed and feels very little [if any] pain from most things. really, as far as i can tell he's pretty much a weird sentient plushie. like, if it's not going to damage a plushie, it's not going to hurt him; examples being: getting knocked back really hard or falling a long way? not a problem. fire? problem.

Sagan tends to be somewhat nonverbal and generally only uses a few words or short phrase at a time when he does speak, which sounds something like the voice clip below. that being how it is, he can be kind of inscrutable and more than a bit jarring to most people--though at this point annie's been with him more than long enough to be completely desensitized to it and doesnt quite get why anyone would be perturbed. fortunately, with that familiarity also comes understanding, and she can easily "translate" and articulate more from his expressions. this understanding is a two-way street, and on its other side is sagan's sensitivity to her moods. annie's not particularly...communicative of her emotions, but sagan can always tell when she's having an off day or something's bothering her, and is far better than anyone at helping her feel better. all things said and quirky antics aside, he and annie are exceptionally close and fiercely protective of eachother the moment it comes to it. they don't make a big deal of showing it outwardly, but they know they've always got eachother's backs.

he's taken quite a liking to beowulf as well, and beo defintiely shamelessly enables sagan's shenanigans.

as i see it, annie may be the passion and power of their operation, but sagan is the heart and soul. beowulf is like....comic releif and emotional support. not entirely necessary, but certainly welcomed to have around. yeah. listen im a big sap i just want them all to be good friends ok. i love them.

also sagan does like and watch a lot of anime.

Blog Canon

miscellaneous happenings that either have continued relevance/significance, or y'all just won't let die. there's not a overarching plot to this thing at all, but geez we’ve kinda gathered some history here huh?

taught sagan to say fuck [and other swears, in her stead]. he used to have to do it on command but he's gotten really good at filling in for her.has a

stoat fursona that beo helped her make. she thinks it's neat/cute but has no real attachment to it.

attempted to sue the crystal gems for ripping off her entire shtick [it didn't go well]

beowulf also taught her how to dab.

@sparkeletran is a nuisance and must be stopped

the 70$ pile of high school musical merch. sagan and beo both wear the t-shirts sometimes. she hates it. don't let her attitude fool you though this is actually the best and most important ongoing joke in this whole damn thing.

the first handcuffs stint. they’re gone now but they had a good ~30-post run, and she did take to learning lockpicking because of it.

this.

hey. guess fucking what lads. handcuffs ROUND TWO 'cause y'all just don't fuckin' quit. the first mini story arc sorta thing, in which she visits the cirque des cartes and has an aggravting encounter with taliesin. [currently ongoing][hopefully soon ending]

[[redacted for ""spoilers""]] due to said encounter with taliesin

sparkeletran is a nuisance,

"the official annie of the stars instagram is just cat memes but with sagan" it's canon but i haven't decided whether it's something she would have had already or a recent thing. [either way, hasn't been touched on yet due to the arc taking so long]

badart annie is sorta like her own thing at this point but nothing that happens with her is canon; she p much just shows up for exceptionally dumb posts. we did give her noclip though which is terrifying. on that note i may as well include the things that are Not canon but y'all won't let me forget

beo's animated belt thing. look. it doesnt talk.

spray-on boots.

the lawnmower weapon

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh homestuck

#not annieposting

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deeeknows · 7 years

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HOHOHHOOOHOHO you returned hello friends! Same rules as always i provided the Important partS for the skimmers but im also not apologizing for the length anymore. Let me hear you thoughts ON THE BLOG AND NOT IM MY MESSAGE INBOX XD.

June 21

the longest day in the year came and it sure felt like it. most of my day i was frustrated so that tells me a thing or two about myself. but my day started with the talk about picking weeds but that didnt happen instead we did pictures for the children all day. then i came back home and the lesson came. i listened to J. Coles verse http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6atNwE-uOfE&t=7m14s on the documentary and had a great discussion about this with the baby fathers chat…. no we is not baby fathers. And no we are not plotting on you young women in the chat. they helped me work through alot of what he was saying in that we listen to the music differently just being christians. Important part people can be lead astray if they aren’t developed christians and founded in the truth. their idea of what christianity is looks like a temporary thing and not needed in the long term but instead helped the people in the days of old but now we might need something new to help the people who are having a struggle understanding the intentions of what the bible is trying to communicate. in addition its frustrating because i knew this was coming from the talks of the 2 Timothy 3. This has been a new way for me to think about music in general since its such an integral part of my life. The thats going to be my next personal study. in addition i was completely frustrated at VBS not because it was a bad day or the kids did a bad job but it started with the parents. And how they could teach their children to hate and be complete unashamed and not give a second thought the view of certain people was not only disgusting but almost pushed me over the edge. Important part i want to stay this fired up at injustice but need to find a way to convert my passion to love and not anger. I also made a resume and cover letter shout out Kalane.

June 22

while every day this week i felt like i knew when God was going to pull out the sunday school crafts and make me learn something this thursday was not the same. I was so ready to talk to take notes when we rode in brother Jeff’s car today because those cross the city rides i really have been known to catch a gem riding with my hand out the window. but it wasnt until Kenny made his way into our car at 3 an hour before we got “off”. Kenny gets in the car heated about whats going on in his community and how things arent going right. Kenny works closely with Brother Jeff in 10:12 sports with the kids but stays in the projects right across the street from a “newly opened” rec center. the frustration came from the communities exclusion from what they thought was a glimmer of light for them. the center technically opened monday but only is available to the children below the age of 5 who are enrolled in the summer camp there. Important part what was supposed to give the community an outlet for jobs, support for kids, and escape from a depressing reality at home is being forfeited because many of the kids are “two old” and too far down the path at this point so they are throwing out the whole bunch. to think the problem area in these communities were the ages 13-21 and to hear that the city is going to give them a way out. so you pull out you political boots and start getting about 6500 community petition signatures and they actually build the thing. just to find out the community wont be getting access to it in the heat of the summer and talking to the mayor of the city just to hear them tell you they “will see”, or that “they will look into it, send me an email” is extremely disheartening. especially for kenny who was out there preaching hope to these youth and their parents just to be told later. the exploitation and lack of urgency pains me and the city. the longer these kids are stuck in these pissy stairwells the faster their will for “a future” deteriorates. but after we go back to take him home and the kids all run out to greet him i can see the power 1 man has who refuses to let his light be put out even the darkness is all so much easier to live in.

then i went to dinner with my family group and we talked about understanding poverty and what different types looked like. keep your eyes peeled for the rules of operation because what doesnt seem like anything to you can actually cost you more than a black eye. Important part dont forget the only way to address these generational curses of poverty and situational poverty alike is through relationships. people need to know that you care. they dont need solutions. the reason they are telling you is not for you meet their need. do them the justice of addressing their spirit not just their need. my favorite quote from dinner was that the only way you will not be in poverty any of these resource areas is when you have a community like the church in acts freely giving and supporting one another.

June 23

And then it was Friday. I was so anxious for today before it even started I was ready to get it jumping. Every morning we have prayer I haven’t been talking that much about but don’t get me wrong it’s not a waste of my time at all. I still have my reservations about the group aspect but Important part there hasn’t been a bad morning and or day yet because I believe in the power of setting time aside to do God before getting into anything else that I might consider important. But I was geeked to get up and go to Red Emma’s after brother Jeff, Leslie, and I rode past it yesterday. but when i get in there my brain starts racing. not only is it a place of love but its a place right off north Ave and right in the middle of the art district. this was an area many people dedicated to a no judgement zone and a place where all are welcome. but what i wanted to study is what a christian environment would look like under this philosophy. they served the community and provided a space where the thirsty are given free drink and the hungry are fed. a space where all are welcome and given the liberty to be who they want to be. Important part but what i cant figure out is if that would be a good space for a church. to let people walk all over it and do whatever inside its walls. i want to say yes but i also hold such a high standard to how a church should be maintained. with their single open door bathroom policy and allowing people to “loiter” as they wait for the bus gave me a hope and a vision maybe that id have a service like that one day. where id host community outreach meetings. sell books in our library. sell food and drink and if we’re lucky and it’s on a corner as busy as red emmas ill call it sabbath or something corny. where id anoint the chairs every morning and id hire the homeless to assist me in being my prayer warriors of the city. but who knows maybe this is all just a fantasy to me. June 24 my day started like 3 times before i got fed up and time stopped moving backwards so i went on my first run. I didnt get dropped off because I ran by myself so no one could leave me in the dust and my tears. After we got back around to the city we started our bible study which slightly aggravated the kid because we went backwards to study Nehemiah again. but this time we looked at it from a different lens. Important part what i couldnt get over was how passionate he was and prideful about a people group he knew he belonged to but had never been to visit, see, or experience. but he was not only upset at their state of living up also prayed and fasted when he heard the news of the shameful city. but it didnt stop there. this man dropped everything he was doing because he saw a life better for them then the one they were living. keeping this simple we wanted to come into baltimore the way he did, not looking to turn the city from jerusalem to nehemiahville. but to empower those living and working there. the jews, nobles, priest, and everyone in between. it seemed like he also wanted something from them before he could give them what he wanted to give them. he wanted their help as well as their knowledge. literally this man has never built a wall before and someone is going to have to help him out. Important part thats how i want to be always seeking to learn the culture of the place im visiting and getting into. i never wanna feel like i have it right and others need to be like me. when infact thats not the case on this side at all. things were good after that. then I went to latino fest. and it was people watching central. la musica y la cultura fue incredible. i really felt bad because all i wanted to do was walk back and forth between the stages and listen to the live bands play and watch the folks dance but it seemed i was more interested than my counter parts. its okay tho they i halfway like doing life alone better. i videotaped some strangers for the road and spent hours trying to differentiate between which dances were salsa, bachata, and Merengue but i might need a little more help with that later. On the bus ride home my friends all decided they wanted to ditch Darius and make him walk home alone while they went to get frozen cups. One day they will like me. June 25

im getting used to starting my sunday with the farmers market. i dont know what ima do once i get home. mannnnn plus its only been my second sunday here. i walked less and knew exactly how i wanted to spend my morning, with a chocolate chip cookie. I pulled out my book as i sat right down and started doing what i do best, reading both folks and pages. i read through The Reason for God i wanted to give the people what i have and things are starting to look forward. then i went to service and we spoke about the person who was missing. in our spaces and even from the church. how what we look like and imagine heaven to be isnt what God has planned. there are going to be folks who we would have never placed there and how we can do that even in our church spaces. just to make things more bareable to the people we want to worship our God with . Important part we can say and do things to shape Gods people into our will and that is dangerous. People are made in Gods image and do not need correcting. to end my day i spent big time talking to Nao and in the park. Sabbath was a time for rest but while i was resting the city was hurting as well. i witnessed a man be almost stabbed in the street so there is still work left to be done in baltimore. im just glad God is here using me to provide a safe space for those around me.

June 26

I feel like my day took forever to get started but once it did I was cool. Editing photos for hours on end sucked the first 8 hours down the drain then it was time for the neighborhood association meeting. 6 o clock came whether I was ready or not. I actually never thought I’d end up at once of these community neighborhood watch association meetings especially after seeing them on tv and the boondocks and laughing along about how comical the whole situation is. But that was far from the case or intention of this meeting. The councilmen came and heard the immediate needs of the people and pretty much told everyone be patient and send me an email and I’ll get back to you. Between this man and the police officer they grilled I honestly Marvel at how they spun the same response with such patience with these people bringing systemic issues to their neighborhood officer from squatters, to prostitution, to education reform this man was supposed to answer them all. But this is really why I could never find myself at one of these meetings. After pouring out their hearts to the councilmen and him orchestrating who to contact to get the needs met he leaves and the meeting should be over here. Instead they continue to address their concerns with the officer asking his opinion on how to communicate with the kids and how to avoid getting robbed for the next hour and change. This isn’t a bad thing to get advice but the officer in my opinion made it very clear that he didn’t have answers that they were looking for, And that by playing his part and communicating with the association that the job would get done. But they weren’t taking this answer. They needed more. His “solution” was not going to help them stop the terrorizing happening on their streets and right in front of their homes. The desperation in the voices was heart breaking because as a spectator of this meeting and a spectator of this community I know that exactly the kind of searching for protection they were doing can only be provided by our Lord and Savior. Important part By trying to fill the God sized void in Baltimore with the agents of change that knew they were inadequate to grant change burned me on the inside. I was stuck between standing up and screaming yah gotta stop going around in circles what you’re doing is wrong is clearly fundamentally wrong. The answer is Jesus. But that couldn’t be received from me and I can’t tell if it’s because I wanted to use the cop out of “I want to just pray for the community and that’ll be doing enough” or if I was too selfish to put myself out there as an unashamed disciple of the gospel. I don’t know and it is always easy to see from your perspective but it’s harder to watch.

June 27

And it started my day with more photos and edits but then we made a trip to MND. Where we worked as a volunteer to help the guests with their resumes and things. After our trip back I saw the city and went through west Baltimore. Accidentally. My younger brother Lestle wanted to go for a trip and so we missed our stop and went for a nice little trip. The navy line took us all the way to Mondawmin mall. Which if you don’t know was one of the inciting points of the Baltimore riots in 2015. Reliving for a short time before heading home helped to really put what the community was feeling into perspective. Between the school Douglas, the mall, and the poor communities around it hurts to see what’s “the machine” distrust can do to a group of people. As relationships aren’t getting much better in these neighborhoods there is hope for others to possibly move in and change the climates of these areas. But who would want to move right next to a mall and bus depot and one of the underperforming high schools in Baltimore. Doesn’t sound too appealing at first glance. Or ever. Important part But what I see is a people in need for God and who are crying out for help. How much longer will we allow our pride and self righteousness prohibit us from being Gods instruments of change. What I noticed from the ride actually the neighborhoods leading up to mindoman mall are growing communities and not just hoods. There is hope. Some have caught to Gods vision while others are still working to it . now we just need some labors to get it off the ground

Yeah so i made it 2 weeks and im sad because it almost over and i feel like i havent learned enough. And im getting one of those feeling when God is about to tell me something i dont wanna hear so maybe we just pause this whole BUP thing until i have time to learn everything and then do what Jesus will have me do with the rest of my life. XD. you knew this blog needed at least one. Important part My last impressions would be this learning is not an arrived place and anyone can learn from a teacher, but what can you learn from a boarded up home? My challenge would be to tell you mother twice a day with at least 3 hours in between that you love her! And im thankful for all the responses to my last question you guys are smarter than me. This question would i need an answer ASAP. the city smells in some places. What can i do to make these city streets more enjoyable for everyone walking them?

#deeeknows #me #darius

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