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imaloserbbyxoxo · 3 years

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Dabi as a dad. That's it. That's the post.

please keep in mind i suck at writing so im sorry if this his terrible i'm just trying to make myself feel better

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

It was late at night. Dabi wasn't sure what time it was, but he could only assume it was around two in the morning. He was unbelievably exhausted and worn out. So much work had to be done lately for the league and Shikaraki was running him ragged from all the orders and tasks he was assigned.

So much work had to be done, that he hadn't been able to sleep for the past day and a half. His body was starting to shut down, but he knew he had to keep on until the jobs were completed.

People in the league were the only ones that knew this secret Dabi had. He had a whole other life ever since three years ago. He had become a father. He never knew it would happen, he never even planned it. Honestly? He never really wanted to be a father, but ever since she was born, he was in love. A beautiful baby girl. Who would have ever thought? A son, maybe. But a girl? Whoa. That's a whole knew level.

Dabi and Y/N had been together for 2 years before the birth of their daughter. He really did love Y/N, but for some reason unknown to him, having a little girl made the love go even deeper. He never imagined he could love anyone, much less Y/N. His whole world was steadily changing around him, and he was doing all he could to cope with it.

The one thing hard about everything going on, was he had to be away from home. Away from his girls. Y/N knew he was in the league and everything that was going on in his life. She knew when they got together. She didn't mind it, really. Just as long as Dabi was safe. But she knew he would be. He was a really tough and tedious guy. He was constantly careful, no matter how big or how small the task.

But Dabi couldn't' help but stress about the girls at home by themselves. He had become so protective over them the past few years, and hated that they had to be alone most of the time. Nothing made him more relaxed than hearing their voices and laughs. It melted him, in a good way.

----

After walking down this street Dabi found himself on, he cut down an alley. Once he walked down it a few feet, he leaned his back against the cold, stone wall of a building, and slid down it until he collapsed on the ground. Automatically, his eyes started to feel heavy. He needed to rest so bad. Maybe just a few minutes wouldn't hurt. Leaning his head back against the wall, he slowly started to drift away into sleep.

Time had passed and he hadn't moved. It only felt like a few minutes, but apparently it was about an hour of him napping. He was awoken by a tune on his phone. Normally, he would have ignored it, but this particular tune was set to only Y/N's contact, so he quickly pulled it out of his pocket.

Before answering, he glanced at the time. Four in the morning. What was she doing up? Dabi's heart started to race. He couldn't help but think that something was wrong. He hastily answered.

"Hey, is everything okay?"

"...daddy?"

"Yes, baby? Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I had a bad dream."

Dabi hadn't noticed, but his muscles were tense. Once he heard the words 'bad dream', he softened. Everything was okay. He knew it was, because even though it's unfortunate, nightmares were almost a daily occurrence with his daughter. From the trauma of his childhood, Dabi had aquired nightmares and night terrors of his own. Unfortunetly, his daughter picked up that trait. On a positive note, he knew how to deal with them more than Y/N did, so whenever this happened, he was the one to go to. Thank goodness the kid hadn't had any actual night terrors. Yet. Just bad dreams.

Rubbing his eyes to get the sleep out of them, he tiredly smiled and spoke. "You had a bad dream, huh?"

"Yeah. It was about you this time."

Dabi's smile faded. Most of the girl's nightmares where just simple things that kids fear, but the ones about him and Y/N were becoming more and more frequent. It was becoming concerning, but he just had to shrug it off. For her. He was still knew to this whole father thing, but one thing he did know was that you shouldn't' show worry in front of a kid, or they will start to worry. So he did just that. He blew off the worry in his mind for now and just had to focus on the kid.

"About me, huh?"

"Yeah! You had died in it."

"Is that why you're calling? Where you scared?"

"A little."

Y/N shouted from the background. "Don't let her lie! She woke up crying."

Dabi scoffed and smiled. "My poor kiddo..." he thought.

"You? Scared? I thought you weren't scared of anything, just like your daddy."

"I wasn't scawed! I am just like you daddy! Big and strong!"

His heart melted in a mix of good and bad feelings. He hoped she would grow up strong willed like him, but...not how he truly was deep down. All the trauma, all the pent up anger, all the troubles he has caused.

"Be strong like me, but kind like your mother."

"Okay daddy. I will!"

"Okay, baby. Can you hand the phone to mommy, please? I love you. Go back to bed and don't be scared. I'll be home soon, okay?"

"Okay daddy! I wub you!"

Dabi smiled. "Love you too, kiddo. Good night."

"Night daddy."

Shuffling noises were heard on the other end of the line. A different voice came on.

"I'm sorry to bother you while your working, babe. She wanted to talk to you and wouldn't take no as an answer."

"It's alright, doll. I wasn't busy right now anyways."

"Are you doing okay? Staying safe?"

"Yes, of course. You know that."

After a few more minutes of talking, Y/N said her goodbyes. She had to put the girl to sleep now and try to get some rest herself. Dabi said his goodbyes in return, saying I love you, and hung up his phone. He stood up from his resting position, and gathered up the strength to continue his work.

"Alright, back at it I suppose."

He lazily walked out of the alley

and back around the corner. He was met by a familiar face.

His boss, Shigaraki. His silver hair was long, down to the base of his neck, and he was wearing his trademark coat. They all had been working so much lately, that they didn't have the time to take care of themselves. Shigaraki specifically. His scratch marks were getting worse from his scratching due to stress. His hair was getting to long, because he didn't have the time to take care of it. Dabi knew better than to say anything though. Shigaraki had been on edge lately, and probably wouldn't hesitate to take care of Dabi's attitude in his own way.

"What are you doing here, dusty?"

Shigaraki scratched his neck a little, looking up at Dabi. "I followed you to make sure you were doing your tasks. You were the last stop before going back to the base. I've already checked on everyone else."

"Save the best for last, huh?"

"Whatever, patchwork. I couldn't help but over hear your conversation."

Dabi looked at him with tired eyes. "Oh yeah?"

"Do you miss them?"

"Well, duh. Of course I do." He changed his tune to a sarcastic one. "But you have to have these missions done, right?" It might have been the exhaustion talking, but damnit Dabi just wanted to go home. He missed his bed. The way the house smelled like candles because Y/N had an obsession with them. The way his little girl would run to him when he would walk in the door. He missed cuddling both of them in bed, as his daughter would drift to sleep watching tv. He missed it so much, he couldn't put it into words. He wanted to go home more than anything right now. But work had to be done.

As Dabi was in thought, his face contorted into distraught and exhaustion, and Shigaraki noticed. Maybe it was something in the weather this early morning, but he actually got a kind bone in his body.

"Go home, Dabi."

Dabi looked at him in shock. "But I'm not done-"

"I'm not gonna tell you again. Go home. I can tell your getting exhausted, and I don't need you passing out on me. I need you at your full potential. So go home and rest. Take as much time as you need." Shigaraki started to walk away. "I know you'll be back when your done resting so I'm not worried."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Again, I am so sorry if this is bad. Also, I'm sorry for that ending. it's kinda shit, but I'm kinda afraid of writing more because I might ruin it. Anyways.... OTL;

@dabiboy @deviousspleen @toyas-wife

<3 IF YOU WANNA BE TAGGED JUST LET ME KNOW <3

#dabi #dabi x y/n #dabi x reader #dabi as a dad #my hero academia #mha #boku no hero academia #touya todoroki #touya is dabi #dabi is touya #toya todoroki

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weasleymalfoypotter · 3 years

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i hate you (but not really) pt2

draco malfoy x fem!slytherin! potter reader

part 1 here

summary: draco malfoy and harry potters twin sister have hated each other since they met. but in 5th year he comes to find that maybe he doesn’t hate her and the reasons he did end up be the things he loves

word count: 1.2k

warnings: kind of angst? kind of fluff? nothing rlly tbh

A/N: this is the second part in a series, the first one is the first ever fanfic i’ve written. i haven’t got any notes yet but im still gonna post because i’m committed:)

the interaction with draco slipped our minds during the long journey to hogwarts for the school year. harry and i were bummed. excited to be back home and in the wizarding world rather than at the dursley’s, but we still were sad that we don’t get to see sirius as much. we can’t even really send letters for fear of him being caught.

i had to sit with the slytherin table during the sorting due to being a prefect which was absolutely dreadful. not the prefect part but the slytherin part. the reason that harry was upset with me during first year for being sorted into slytherin made more sense the more i had to be around them. the qualities of being a slytherin weren’t annoying, evil, and down right horrible but the majority of the others sure did give us that reputation. the memory of our conversation with draco popped back into my head since i had to sit with him to help welcome the new slytherins . i sat down and he looked at me sideways but not with disdain like he usually did.

“you alright there princess?” i pretty much choked on air. what the hell did he just say to me?

“what?” i turned to look at him so i could fully see his face and maybe read his expression to figure out what he meant. i’m usually good at reading him but this was a look i have never seen him with before. what was he getting at?

“i just asked if you were alright” he said with a chuckle and a smile.

“no i mean the princess part” he stopped laughing but was still smirking.

“what about it?” that stupid smirk.

“don’t call me that”

“awww why? it suits you well” i- wha-? merlin even my thoughts are stuttering. i have no idea who this is but it isn’t draco malfoy. before i could respond dumbledore starting to speak and we both turned to face him. all i could think about the entire time was what the hell draco was doing. this had to be some new tactic to get under my skin. well points to draco because it’s working

after getting the new slytherins settled i spent the rest of the day with harry, hermione, and ron. i didn’t say anything about what draco said because there was nothing to say. he was just teasing as usual...right? i don’t know but there’s nothing they could do about it anyway.

that night i didn’t go to sleep. i hated sleep. i would always get nightmares and the ones that i’ve had since june are too painful. so now i just avoid sleep like the plague. in june when harry was competing in the last task for the triwizard tournament i got a terrible feeling. my whole body was like harry’s scar in the way that we could sense voldemort, but my senses were a lot stronger. the slightest connection to the dark lord had a physical effect on me. when harry got to the cup with cedric in the maze i was in pain, not excruciating but enough to make me worry like hell, and not just for harry. cedric was my best friend. we got close during my 2nd year. it was an unlikely friendship considering the age difference and the house rivalry but he was my best friend. so when i got that feeling during the third task, i was worried for the both of them. it got worse and i could tell that voldemort was close to harry. i kept searching for his mind trying to see if he would take of his ring and he did. right as i got into his head to see what was happening, cedric died. i watched it happen. and every night when i went to sleep i saw it. over and over and over again. i was powerless, unable to save him, watching from harry’s mind. so like i said, i don’t sleep... until i can’t hold it off anymore.

i went to the common room and sat on a couch reading for hours. it had to have been at least 2:00 in the morning so i definitely didn’t expect to hear footsteps coming from the boys dorms. my head lifted from my book and i saw draco. honestly i’m too tired for this. i didn’t say anything and i dropped my head back to my book. he just stood there. he didn’t move. he didn’t speak. he just stood there staring. i could literally feel his smirk on me. and then he drew a breath and before i could mentally prepare myself, he spoke.

“you know you really should get to sleep, it’s late”

“i’m not tired, and you’re up too so what’s your point” i never picked up my head. i kept my eyes on the page in front of me even though i wasn’t retaining any of the words...only the ones coming from the platinum blonde. he started walking towards me, i still kept my eyes on the page. that is until the page disappeared as the book was being taken from my hands and the boy sat down on the spot on the couch next to where my legs were propped up. my head shot up and my eyes narrowed.

“hey!! what are you doing?” i seethed at the loss of the weight of the book in my hands. he set it down on the end table next to him.

“ummm i’m sitting down?” i let out a sigh before i responded

“i mean, there is no one else down here and there are plenty of other seats. what are you doing sitting here.” i said while pointing at the couch scowling “also give me my book back” he just did that stupid smirk, laugh, hand through hair thing that he did on the train. it made my stomach feel weird. i don’t know why but it did.

“well you see princess, the other seats aren’t this close to the pretty girl in the room” i completely ignored my need for the book as i blinked. i don’t think i physically could do anything but blink.

“i think you just had a stroke.” there was no other explanation. his face was bright as he laughed and but his lip slightly.

“and why do you think that” because this is absolutely insane. because you are absolutely insane.

“you just called me princess for the second time today AND you said pretty. you called me pretty. you had a stroke. that’s the only explanation.” HE SMIRKED. AGAIN. HAND THROUGH THE HAIR. AGAIN. he’s driving me insane.

“maybe the explanation is that i think you’re pretty” that’s laughable. that’s funny.

“you know what? i’m going to bed” his eyes. oh merlin his eyes are doing something weird. i stood up to leave and as i was passing him he grabbed my wrist. i’m nothing but confused. he looked up at me and said

“i thought you weren’t tired” he’s still smirking. i pulled my wrist out of his grasp and started to walk towards the dorms. right as i pulled my wrist away i spoke

“goodnight draco” i took a few steps before i heard his voice behind me

“you know, you’re the only one that calls me that” i looked back at him with raised eyebrows. i’m the only one that called him by his name? he read my expression easily and said “everyone usually just calls me malfoy. you always call me draco.” smiling. he was smiling. not smirking. not mocking. he was smiling at this. i blinked at him and walked to my dorm. was i actually going to sleep? no. but at least i had something to think about.

TAGS :

@idkmanicantenglish

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itstittycitybaby · 4 years

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Flirty (Lin Beifong x Reader) Part 2

a/n: had to start typing this as soon as I finished episode 5. holy fuck. im. im just not okay. as im putting the tags to post this i just wanna say. i cannot keep waiting. im gonna fucking explode.

Lin’s fist clenched tightly around the fork she was holding. Her lips were pulled into a frown and her green eyes narrowed dangerously. No one at the table paid her any mind as they chatted amongst themselves. Better than having the avatar throwing more questions at her.

Lin glared into the food in front of her. Suyin’s chef might be a good one, but that didn’t stop Lin from being spiteful. She’d rather starve than eat her sister’s food. “Lin,” her sister started, a frown over her face. “If you keep staring daggers into your plate you’ll burn it.”

She scoffed, “Just like how you burned our family to the ground.” “Not this again,” Suyin murmured, closing her eyes and rubbed her temples with her fingers. Lin felt Korra’s gaze. She could tell the avatar wanted to say something, but thought better of it. Korra was never the one to mind her damn business. None of the imbeciles were.

Everyone fell silent as they heard the door open. They all went slack jawed at the man in front of them. Lin needed a drink. “Varrick?” Asami looked at the man quizzingly. “Hey everyone,” he answered cheerfully. Everyone besides Lin stared at the man dumbfounded. She stabbed her fork into her food with force but no one seemed to notice.

Zarrick informed everyone as they ate about Suyin’s oh so great hospitality and the second chance she had given him. It made Lin want to laugh but she chose to stare a hole into his head.

“Alright enough,” Lin yelled, slamming her fists down onto the table. “I’m trying to keep the avatar safe and you’re harboring a criminal?!” Lin couldn’t believe it. The nerve of her sister to bring them here and force her to eat dinner. Suyin knew what she had done. And Lin hadn’t even been given a damn apology.

“Ease up Lin,” Suyin said softly. “Varrick’s made a few mistakes in his past. It doesn’t mean he should pay for it for the rest of his life. People change.”

“You haven’t,” Lin spat out. The room fell silent. They all watched her nervously, anticipating her next move. Suyin looked unfazed by Lin’s outburst. She hated the eyes staring at her, picking her apart. She felt like a damn kid again. “What are you looking at,” Lin barked, leaving her seat. She flung the chair with her hands, pushing it onto the ground. It clattered onto the floor. Out of the corner of Lin’s eye Asami flinched. Shaking her head she dashed towards the door.

“Sorry I’m late guys, I was busy-” Lin snapped her head up. You. Your voice. You were here. The door shut with a muffled sound behind you. Your eyes widened and there were two birds on your shoulders. They squwaked amongst themselves and fluttered about. The birds were distressed. A travel bag hung on your back and there were scrolls of paper sticking out at the top.

“So glad you could join us,” Suyin said cheerfully. “Lin,” you whispered. A smile stretched your face and your eyes were shushed with tears. Lin’s eyes were wide with surprise. Her throat started to choke up and close. Your smile dropped and your brows furrowed in concern at the tears in her eyes. Lin swept past you and a metal cable wrapped around the door, slamming it behind her.

*****

The food was delicious. “This is so good,” you said, mouthfuls between food. Suyin chuckled, “Good. Was getting here easy?” You shrugged, as you devoured a roll. The buttery taste and the fluffy texture made you moan. “It was okay I guess. Paragliding was half the journey.” Suyin’s brows furrowed and she rested her hand on your shoulder. “If I had known you were paragliding I would’ve come for you myself.” “It’s fine,” you reassured her, taking a gulp of your water. “I was out in the middle of nowhere anyway.”

“You were always one to isolate yourself. (Y/N), meet avatar Korra.” You peeked around Suyin. There, a fit younger girl sat beside Suyin. She waved at you, “Hi! It’s nice to meet you.” You grinned, sending her a wink. Her cheeks turned slightly pink, causing you to chuckle. “I’m (Y/). Inventor, architect, and old friend of the Beifongs.”

“The (Y/N)?” You turned to the excited voice. A slightly chubbier man looked at you with his green eyes, twinkling with excitement. “Yup. The very same.” “You’re the one who made the probending arena!” You smiled, “You’re right! Not one of my proudest creations.” “Nonsense, “ Suyin tutted. “Without you there wouldn’t be a probending arena. Give yourself some credit.” You smirked, “Always the flatterer Suyin. There’s a couple things I would like to make enhancements on. Though, I won’t have the chance.”

The younger man sighed sadly. “I wish we could still do it?” “We?” “Uh yea! Me and my brother were pro bending for a while. Won the tournaments thanks to Korra!” You flickered between Korra and him. “I bet you three were amazing!” He nodded enthusiastically, “The very best!” “I don’t know about that Bolin,” a man with dark hair and soft brown eyes interjected.

“You must be the brother,” you mused, eyes glittering with amusement. “Yea. I’m Mako. He’s Bolin,” he confirmed, jutting his thumb and gesturing between the two of them. “Mako and Bolin,” you murmured. “Great to meet you!”

*****

After dinner you went to find Lin. Suyin offered for you to tag along with her and Korra to her study to chat. You declined politely, but promised the two of you would catch up soon. You shivered as the cool air hit your face. The cold had never been one of your strong suits. It was something Lin used to tease you about. Lin. You hoped she was okay. Seeing her again made your heart ache. It was a slap in the face of what could’ve been. If you hadn’t been so selfish, it could’ve gone differently. Now she was tougher than you’d ever seen her. What had happened while you were gone? Azure and Ruby were already sleeping in your room for the night. You promised Opal that you’d introduce the two of them to her tomorrow. She seemed so excited and happy to hold them. It made your aching heart feel a bit better to know that someone appreciated them. Bo and Bao would’ve loved this place.

“Is that a blue parakeet?” Your eyes snapped to a younger girl sitting by Bolin. She too had green eyes and black hair that framed her face. Her feautures resembled Suyin’s. “Mhm,” you confirmed, digging into the desert with your spoon. “This is Azure. He’s very...demanding,” you grumbled. Azure hopped on your shoulder and sunk his talons in. You hissed, sending him a glare. The girl giggled, awing Ruby as she stayed put on the table. “I’ve alway liked parakeets,” she said softly. “I’ve never seen one in person.” “Well, would you like to hold him?” “Really?!” Her green eyes lit up and an excited smile streched her face. “Totally!” “Now now Opal,” Suyin chided, “You’ll have time for that later. We still have some things to discuss.”

*****

Lin couldn’t believe it. You were here. It had been so long and you just...showed up....out of the blue. She choked on her tears as the memories came rushing back. You had left her. You wanted to go travel and learn more knowledge about the world. After all this time, after all these years, Lin still loved you. That’s what scared her the most. She loved you. Even when she had dated Tenzin Lin still wanted you. The feelings never went away, no matter how hard she tried to suppress it. All these emotions were bubbling up and she couldn’t bring herself to stop it. Lin felt sick and tired. Confronting her emotions and facing the past was like shoving her hand down her throat and pulling out her entrails.

Seeing Suyin again and being forced to remember the scar that haunted her was difficult enough. Then, the spirits had to add bringing her ex lover into her life. The one that got away. Her fingers clenched the newspaper tightly. It crinkled among the edges from the tight grip Lin held. Her vision blurred from the tears that threatened to fall. Not now, we aren’t going to cry about this anymore.

The sound of her door opening made her snap up. Korra and Suyin’s daughter, Opal, stood at the door. Lin sighed, setting the newspaper down onto the coffee table. Hopefully, they weren’t able to see the tears in her eyes. Rising up from her chair, Lin turned to look at them. “What is it now,” Lin huffed, crossing her arms. Opal’s gaze shifted nervously to Korra and then to Lin. “Out with it.”

“I’m...sorry being here is very hard for you...but I appreciate it,” the girl started, sending a nervous smile towards Lin. “When I had heard you were here I was excited. I’ve heard so much about you and I would like to get to know you more.” She came closer to Lin and fidgeted with her hands. She bit her lip nervously and carefully chose her words. “I know my family can be...crazy and ..overwhelming sometimes. But I would like for you to be a part of it.”

Silence. Opal shifted nervously and swallowed, waiting for Lin’s answer. “Get out.” She snapped up, facing Lin. “What?” “Get. Out.” Her eyes filled with tears and Opal’s lip quivered. She swept past Korra and left.

“What the hell is your problem,” Korra snapped, hands waving around for emphasis. The anger in Lin’s veins threatened to snap. Her chest felt hot and there was a prickling sensation inside of her. Lin tittered over the edge of the cliff. She was already angry and hurt. She didn’t want to accidentally hurt Korra. “Why don’t you focus on fixing the world instead of my family’s problems,” Lin seethed, eyes narrowing into a dangerous glare. The air sunk thickly between the avatar and Lin.

“Su was right,” Korra said softly. Her fists clenched as she looked to the ground. “You’re never gonna change.” Korra settled her blue eyes on Lin and glared. “You’re always going to be a bitter old, lonely woman.” She turned and left quietly. Lin faced the wall, turning her back to the door. The tears she tried so hard to fight were flowing freely down her cheeks. Lin choked on a whimper and brought her hands to her face. Once again, she weeped over her family. The loss of the love and warmth she once had. Once again, she cried over you.

****

Opal ran past you crying. You fought the urge to go after her. She was a bright girl who was very sweet. But right now you had to find Lin. You could comfort Opal tomorrow. Pace set into a jog, you got closer to what you assumed was your destination. There was a door open and light poured out onto the pavement. Your instincts screamed at you to hide or run. Instead, you crouched and crept your way towards the mysterious door. You furrowed your brows and pulled out one of the daggers strapped to your thigh. The combat boots you had on were silent against the pavement and you hid in the shadows. Still got it, you couldn’t help but think smugly.

“You’re always going to be a bitter old, lonely woman.” Your breath hitched. Korra. Rage. The rage blinded you from the colour of red. It slammed into your vision and the silence rang in your ears. The sound of footsteps shook you out of it. Jumping out into the open, you put away your dagger. “Y/N?” You curled your lips at the avatar’s voice. Punching her into the ground wouldn’t do you any good. It didn’t stop you from imagining it. “Avatar,” you responded, curtly, pushing past her. Your teeth were gritted and your fists were clenched. How dare she talk to Lin like that? Korra sighed, having enough bullshit today and shook it off.

If you thought seeing Lin hurt, the sight in front of you crumbled your heart into pieces. The door closed softly behind you, not making a sound. Your boots were soundless as you made your away to her trembling form. Lin’s posture tensed at the feeling of another presence there with her. She snapped her head to you. Her eyes were red and there were tears falling on her cheeks.The redness and the tears made her beautiful green eyes shine more. “What,” Lin snapped, “Come here to mock me? Tell me I should forgive Suyin and make friends with her? That I’m weak and insufferable?”

“Oh Lin,” you sighed, voice slightly breaking. Her eyes bulged. There were tears in your eyes as you sank down with her. “What happened to you?” Lin didn’t say anything as she studied your face. There was warmth and concern simmering in your eyes. You were still as beautiful as the day you left. “I’m so sorry Lin. You deserved better.”

The fresh tears fell. I’m sorry. Lin choked a sob. Spreading your arms wide, you pulled her into a tight embrace. The black crop top you wore was soft against Lin’s cheek. She laid against your red trousers and cried. “I’m here Lin, I’m here,” you whispered into her hair while rocking her back and forth.

Lin sniffled, “You left me. You left me.” You bit your trembling lip and swallowed the lump in your throat. “I know. And I’m so sorry Lin. But I’m here. I’m here to stay.” A sob clawed its way out of Lin’s throat. You smelt just the same as you always had. “Why are you here,” she croaked, shifting to look into your eyes. That’s when Lin noticed the scars on your face. A nasty one that cut through you lip and another one through your brow. Your eyes drifted to the scar on her cheek. Cupping her face gently you ghosted your fingers across it. Your soft touches made Lin’s eyes water even more. “I wanted to talk to you. But now’s not a good time huh?” Lin chuckled, despite the tears. “Always one for bad timings Flirty.” A huff of laughter left your lips. “I guess some things never change.”

Lin didn’t say anything. The two of you stared into each other. Your heart pounded and your hands started to feel a little clammy. Maybe the two of you had a chance? “What is it you want to talk about?” Lin’s body was awkward against your smaller frame. Your legs were folded under her and Lin’s body was turned at a weird angle. It was a bit uncomfortable, but you wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Another time,” you murmured softly. “Right now you should get some sleep.” Lin nodded and you let her go so she could get up. Taking this as your cue to leave, you slowly got up. Your joints ached and your ass throbbed from the sitting on the floor An “oof” left your lips. Lin laughed softly, “Not as young as you used to be.” You smiled, “But still damn sexy.”

Lin snorted and rolled her eyes. She headed to where you assumed was her bedroom. You shifted awkwardly before deciding to leave. It was your cue right? Besides, it was a weird situation to be in. Yet, it still felt so normal.

“Stay. Please.” You turned around, hand hovering over the door handle. “You want me to stay.” Lin sighed, “Just..forget it.” “No!” She turned to you waiting expectantly. “I was just...surprised is all,” you mumbled. “I-I didn’t think you’d want me to stay.” Lin’s brows furrowed, “Of course I want you to stay. Why wouldn’t I?” Because I still love you. And I’m pretty sure you don’t love me too. “Dunno,” you said. A grin stretched across your face. A perfect time to change the subject. “Beifong, if you wanted me to sleep over you could’ve just asked.”

Lin sighed, rolling her eyes. You could see the slight pinkish colour that bloomed on her cheeks. Crossing her arms she gruffed out, “You’re sleeping on the couch.” “Got it Chief,” you replied, saluting. “Don’t make me regret it.” You smiled at her and nodded. The corner of Lin’s lips twitched up but she kept her face neutral. “Night Lin,” you said softly, settling down onto the couch.

“Goodnight.”

#legend of korra #legend of korra fanfic #legend of korra x reader #flirty series #lin beifong x reader #lin beifong #fanfic #fanfiction #x reader #reader insert

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psychewithwings · 3 years

Text

Love Bakugo Pt 5: The Letter

The red light of the sunrise was just starting to appear over the horizon. Tears were already brimming in your tired eyes as you opened your sock drawer. You took out the letter, which you kept at the bottom. You’d felt it would be well hidden and kept safe there, especially since your sock drawer, was your own. Looking at the letter, the memory of that night was becoming more and more clear. It was just after graduating UA, and Momo had thrown a party at her house for everyone. You had gone out to the garden to contemplate your entire future. You were half excited, half terrified to start the rest of your life. You were staring into one of the many fountains when Katsuki had come to stand next to you. “I don’t know how to feel about it either...” he’d said. It was the closest he had ever admitted to being scared. “I just don’t know if I’m ready... to move on,” you had said back. You turned to him, and you remember being surprised that he had such a soft expression on his face. He placed his hand on your hip, “do you remember that day in the stairs when you made me be your friend?” You touched his arm, and slowly stroked up and down his arm with your fingertips. “I didn’t make you, ya goon, but I remember that day.” He hadn’t been furious that you’d called him a name, it was then you knew something was changing. “Listen, I’m glad it happened, that we became friends... but,” he took a deep breath, “I don't wanna be friends anymore.” He leaned down and captured your lips in a thrilling kiss. He pulled you into him with his hand on your hip, and the other was holding your face. His lips were softer against yours then you’d imagined. He was gentle but fiery and passionate as always. It was the first time he had kissed you and you felt like you were being ignited from the inside out. He pulled away and said simply, “I’m not great with... this saying how I feel crap, but I know I gotta do it, so here.” He’d shoved the letter at you, embarrassed. “Read it, then give me an answer.” Here you were, years later, you’d kept it but never given him an answer though you’d read it at least 100 times. You turned the envelope over in your hands. It was blue, it had your name written on it in Bakugo’s unique and surprisingly neat handwriting. On the front, he’d placed a sticker of a small cloud. The letter had been opened and closed so many times that the sticker didn't hold it together any longer. You took out the letter itself, a single tear found it’s way onto the paper. You were crying for real now as you read the letter, it went as follows... Hey, I’m shit with not the best with saying how I feel, so I figured I’d try writing it out. That day in the stairs was the beginning of my feelings for you. Sometimes when you’d beat me in a match, and turn me into a damn sniveling puddle of a man for you, I’d pretend your quirk hadn’t worn off so I could just say how I feel. I don't know if you feel the same way, and I hope that by now I’ve gotten the courage to kiss you. I love you and I want you to be mine, even if it’s just for a while. But I don’t like that many people and I like you, so I wouldn’t mind if you were mine forever. Just let me know, do you want to be mine? Do you want me to be yours? I want us to belong to each other and Im sure that sounds fucking stupid but it’s true. If you do, I’m waiting for you right now. And if you don't, it’s okay. Just know I will think about you, care about you, always. Yours, Bakugo Tears were streaming down your face but you grabbed your phone and called Katsuki anyway. He answered on the first ring but he waited for you to speak. “I don’t deserve a second chance, I-I don’t even deserve for you to hear me out. I should have told you what I was thinking at the time but everything was changing a-and I was just so scared. And this is so stupid but I was scared of being truly happy... for once. Because- if I ever did something...a-a-and messed it up, I don’t know if I could handle that...” You tried to slow your breathing, to collect yourself, to say everything you’d held in for so long. “Katsuki, I love you, I have for longer than i’d like to admit, and I’m so sorry I waited this long to tell you. I’m so mad at myself right now- but I fucking love you a lot okay? I don’t care about the revenge anymore because... I feel like the point of it was- I just- you care about me more than anyone ever has. I love you, I love you, I’m sorry-” He hung up there. He’d said that it wasn’t too late at the car earlier but maybe he’d had time to think about how long it took you to come to this place and maybe he had changed his mind. He had a right to. After all, it had taken you years to admit this, why should he still care about you like that? You held your head in your hands as you cried over the loss of love. The love you’d tried so hard to make real between you and your boyfriend and the true love that you’d let get away with Bakugo. You felt like you were being swallowed whole by regret. You flopped face down into the mattress and wailed, freeing yourself of the guilt and anger and sadness that you’d held back for so long.

“Hey babe? What’s wrong?” your boyfriend was finally back from his escapades it seemed. You lifted your head, your breath shaky. “Get out,” you said softly. “What’s wrong with you huh?” You whirled around now, “What’s wrong? What’s fucking wrong? You’re cheating on me!” you yelled at him. He jumped back, worried, but quickly covered his fear, “what are you talking-” “you know exactly what I’m talking about you piece of shit.” You were staring him down, waiting for his resolve to break, “babe, it was work.” “STOP LYING!” You were done, you ran to the closet and grabbed a suit case. You laid it on the bed and started ripping open drawers, throwing your clothes into it. “We can talk this out babe, I think you’re overreacting a bit, it’s a misunderstanding, if you’d let me explain-” “Fuck you.” You were shoving clothes and other precious belongings into the case. You went back to the closet and grabbed another suitcase. You picked up an armful of sweaters, dresses, and coats and threw them in, hangers and all. You grabbed your jewelry container and took out a pair of earrings he’d gifted you a year ago for your anniversary. “You can give these to that other girl,” you said as you chucked them at his head. He dodged them and then shouted, “you’re acting crazy! there’s no-one else!” You stopped and put your head in your hands. “Katsuki told me everything weeks ago, he saw you coming out of the closet with her at work.” This time his face dropped for real, “he what?” You didn’t answer him this time, just continued packing. “I was planning on getting revenge for your cheating on me, Katsuki was helping me do it, but now I don’t care about that anymore.“ Your ex boyfriend was standing against the wall, puffing out his chest to keep his ego in check. “You know what? I haven’t been in love with you for a long time, and it took all this for me to figure that out.” You could tell those words stung him. “Where the hell do you think you’re gonna go huh?” You were zipping up the second suitcase, “I honestly don’t know, I just know that right now, I’m leaving you and I’m never coming back here...” “He’s the fucking cheater, he should be the one packing up.”

You whirled around. Bakugo was standing behind you, in the doorway of the apartment. “Katsuki,” you paused taking him in. He was wearing the same clothes from earlier and his eyes looked tired from lack of sleep. “What are you doing here?” you asked as you advanced towards him. He smiled and put his hand on the top of your head. “I figured you were mad... cuz you hung up and-” he stopped you, putting his hand on your cheek. “I just couldn’t tell you this over the phone, I had to see your face, tell you in person...” You waited, studying his softened expression. “I’m not just gonna be your rebound, I’m in this for the long run and it’s all or nothing. So you better be serious about us because I’m dead serious.” He was staring into your eyes, searching for the truth behind them. The tears welled back up in your eyes. “You are so much more than a rebound, and I am very serious, but I want to take things slow and do this the right way... I don’t want to rush in and ruin it.” Bakugo brushed his thumb along your cheek and you leaned the weight of your head against his palm. “You’ll ruin nothing, and as long as I have you... it’s not slow.” Your ex boyfriend was standing in the doorway watching the entire exchange. “Oh I see now, you thought that just because I was having sex with someone else you could go and make a whole new relationship?! You’re such a bitch you know-” “Shut the fuck up...” Bakugo growled then turned towards your ex-boyfriend. “Oh buddy, you better start packing up right now before I destroy you.” You grabbed his hand and pulled him back. “No Katsuki, it’s okay, I’m leaving. I want to.” Bakugo looked as if he wanted to argue, but instead he walked straight into the bedroom. He looked your ex-boyfriend up and down, before punching him directly in the face. You watched in delight as your ex crumpled to the floor, holding his nose and whining. “You’re scum, I want you to remember that,” Bakugo yelled before picking up your bags and heading towards the door. “You’re sure you wanna leave?” he asked. You nodded, “I want him to be alone in this house, think about what he did... and I don’t wanna be anywhere that I shared with him.” Bakugo nodded and gave you a smirk, “then you’ll stay with me.” You had told him you couldn’t do that, you wanted to take things slow. But as he was putting your bags in your car for you he spat, “tech, where the hell else are you gonna go?”

Tag List: Tag List: @rebel—black @random-fandom-girl-24 @unawi13-blog @brokennerdalert

#bakugou katsuki #bakugo #mha #bnha #mha one shot #bnha oneshot #katsuki bakugo oneshot

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appleciders · 4 years

Note

personally, im also deep in the station 19 muck but like you i wish i wasn't. randomly watched it because pandemic and maya bishop is just so compelling, even with all the bad writing i still love her sm. is there anything you would want to see for season 4? your hair cut fic was so good and i cant stop thinking about how much better the season would have been had it ended like that instead.

first off, sorry to both of us for being here! but i guess let’s take escapism where can get it, hey. second, thank you so much for reading the fic!! i’m super honored you liked it <33

as for what i would want for s4...whew. a lot, lmao. i’ll put in under a cut to save my poor non-s19 followers.

mostly, i want them to please slow down the pacing. let story arcs breathe and build and develop. last season was so rushed—ryan’s death and rigo’s death and pruitt’s death all crammed in, andy and sullivan having a shotgun wedding out of nowhere, maya and carina fastforwarding to i love yous with only 30 second scenes and not a real date to be seen, vic hardly getting to process ripley—i could go on. it’s cheap and messy storytelling. cut it out.

i also really want them to let relationships do the same. i want to see the friendships that were so strained last season to grow again. show me andy, maya, and vic being friends and supporting each other!! for the love of god!! (show me andy and maya being friends, period. for the whole season. the whole goddamn season. no drama between them, only supporting each other through outside drama. if i have to see another season where these ‘best friends’ are at each other’s throats half the time, i swear to god.)

show me more team-as-family! a) i eat that shit up, and b) that’s supposed to be the underlying theme and premise of the show. show them laughing and goofing off together, show them holding each other up when things get tough, show them teasing each other to hell and back while they cook together in the beanery. invest in that again.

for the romances....develop that shit. honestly, i really hope andy and sullivan either break up or really do the fucking work to fix their relationship, because as-is, it’s a hot mess. and not a hot mess i particularly care to watch. i liked them fine in season 2, but the sullivan arc in s3 (which...not to out myself as having watched chicago fire, but which is a blatant rip-off of severide’s s1 arc in cf) puts him in a place where he’s not really ready for a relationship. and with the amount of shit they put andy through, she’s not, either. i know it’s impossible on a drama, but i would really like andy to be single this season? idk, i’m tired.

maya and carina better not be all sunshine and rainbows. they need to do the work! they need to show the work! after that rushed-ass ‘forgive me’ scene (where carina was...pressured into forgiving maya like the day after she cheated on her??? and that was framed as a good thing?? make it make sense), they deserve to show them actually navigating that broken trust and rebuilding something real. and as someone who doesn’t watch grey’s, i really don’t know carina very well? 90% of her scenes were her supporting maya through her ongoing breakdown (though a totally understandable breakdown! not criticizing maya for having trauma), so i’d like to see more of a balance of support in the relationship and more development of her as an individual apart from maya. she’ll be sticking around, and that will be much more interesting if she bonds with other members of the team.

dean and vic...look, my hands-down #1 wish for season 4 is that they treat vic hughes well, with respect, with screentime, and with a good arc. she’s the absolute best. and as much as i love dean miller (hint: a lot), he needs to start guzzling his respecting vic juice if the writers are gonna try to set up anything. personally, i’d really like to see them move past it? awkward crushes between friends happen. putting myself in dean’s shoes, living with one of my best friends who i’m also secretly crushing on, watching her play with my baby...it’d be a lot too!! but that doesn’t excuse being a dick, so i’d really like to see them take some time apart, and then start their friendship back up on a foundation of honesty and communication. because they’re so good, guys.

individual character notes!!!

well. i want every person at this goddamn station to go to therapy. they won’t, but i want them to.

andy needs to go to serious grief counseling after season 3. compounded by what’s bound to be a shitstorm from the discovery that her mother is alive? please. in regards to the whole mother arc, i really don’t want it her disappearance to have been like...gang-related. i’ve seen that posited as a theory, and that’s just a whole bundle of stereotypes we don’t need to get into. i also want the mom reveal to be the main revelation that takes up the majority of her arc the first half of the season, just to have time to process it. the captain’s race took up all of season 1—you can give this twist time to marinate properly.

vic hughes, my moon, my stars! i really loved the snippets of vic’s backstory that they gave us in s3. as someone who lost a family member to early-onset alzheimer’s in november, 3x09 was...oof. a lot. i love how they committed to fleshing out her past and her backstory more and i love the emotional depth barrett doss always brings to the screen. for season 4, i’d love to see vic get to process ripley and jackson properly. (and here i repeat my forever adage for female characters lol: let them be single for a hot sec.) i want her to move in with maya, because i think that dynamic is so fun and ripe for exploration, and then i’d love to see her digging in to her issues and getting help—going back to the firefighter group, actually talking, spending time with her found family. (sidenote: would love to see her help out with some like youth community theatre classes on her days off? developing connections with kids who have gone through losses, supporting them and in turn realizing the support she needs herself...tell me vic singing with kids wouldn’t be the cutest shit). anyway, i just rly want her to get a good storyline. but i’m not a screenwriter so like...hope they come up with one!

i’ve already written much more than i’m sure you wanted, so i’m going to condense the boys into one paragraph lol. i want jack gibson to heal himself and stop sleeping with taken women! his new found family is super sweet, so i really hope he gets to keep it throughout s4. i want travis montgomery to get only good and happy things, and the same goes for warren. actually, i’d love to see warren step into his new role as team Older Person a bit more? i think that would be a really fun and heartwarming dynamic to play with all the other characters. dean i think i already touched on, but i’d love him to take a breath, apologize to vic and explain, and lean on the rest of his found family. he’s gonna be such a good dad and i’m excited to see more of that.

finally: maya. oh, maya. she needs therapy. you can’t have a character say she’s been dealing with suicidal ideation and anxiety for nearly 20 years and just...magically make it all better. she deserves to get to unpack all the shit with her dad, and all the ways that’s impacted her. on some level, i kinda wish she’d not stayed as captain—i love her scenes so much when she’s allowed to be just chilling on the same level as her team. since that’s not the case, finding a right balance of her as captain and her as friend is gonna be super important. i want her to open up to her friends and lean on them. i’d love for mason to come back, too? i think her trying to heal herself, establish herself as a team member and leader, and rebuild her relationships with her brother as well as her found family and girlfriend would be more than enough material for an arc. it won’t always go great! this stuff isn’t an easy fix! but that’s why it’d be worth writing. plus, so many members of the team have shitty relationships with their parents that even though they won’t understand what maya went through, there’s some really fertile ground for compassion and cathartic ‘fuck our dads’ ball-busting i’d love to see seeded. bonus father’s day episode where literally none of them are happy and they decide to like...go play laser tag or something.

anyway, i’m sure that’s more than you wanted!! but thank you for the q lmao apparently i had a lot to say

#station 19 #maya bishop #vic hughes #andy herrera #like...everybody else lmao #yes i have homework due in 10 minutes i haven't started!#yes i decided to think about this instead!#what of it #....whoops #Anonymous

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tired-toby · 3 years

Text

it's been nearly a year since my first suicide attempt, since the worst summer of my fucking life that i STILL CANT REMEMBER.

and i feel like i've gone nowhere

i'm still the same piece of shit who couldn't even acknowledge the people she hurt, who still tries to victimize herself when she's anything but the victim, who is wasting the time of everyone around her

i know all this. i know these flaws. i'm self-aware and that makes it worse because despite everything i do i feel like i haven't gotten any better, like i haven't improved at all and if anything i've just sunk deeper into this pit

and it's not like i haven't had people reach out!

my math teacher has kept up with me the WHOLE YEAR yet time and time again i let myself fall short.

i want to be better. i need to be better, for the people that are here now and for those that i've hurt in the past.

for my guinea pigs. for my rats. for my dogs. for everyone.

yet here i am just fucking wallowing, crying on an empty blog that no one will read or give a shit about because it's just me.

i graduate soon. well. i /might/ graduate soon

god

i've fallen so far.

my friends are going to harvard, to mit. i feel like i'm just going to a shallow grave.

i wish things were easy, that i could take a few pills and just be /better./ i want to stop feeling this way, i just want to feel better. i've changed my ways! i only drink water, i eat healthier, i walk my dogs for two hours every day, i've taken up new and old hobbies. but i still fall into slumps, i feel like i am a slump.

i've barely told anyone but i haven't felt like myself in weeks and i'm so fucking scared. i feel like i don't know who i am anymore and the coping mechanisms that i've used to try and feel like myself aren't working like they used to. i feel like im fragmented and being pulled apart at the seams. maybe i'm giving myself too much credit

a overfilled trash bag thats splitting and spilling nothing but garbage

that's better.

i'm just overdramatic

i'm just tired

i even have a healthy sleep schedule, did i mention that? in bed by 10, up by 7. i walk my sister to the bus stop almost everyday.

i thought i did everything right. why doesn't it work why aren't i better why am i still the same asshole why am i no one why am i nothing why can't i just be better why am i not fucking dead

55 days until i'm 18

54 until the night i became the world's greatest failure

what kind of idiot fails to kill themself? twice, at that?

i feel like i'm faking this. i read these words i type and i cry and if eel like im faking it. that i'm doing it for attention. i'm manipulative, i lie to emotionally abuse people

i know this and i'm probably doing it now

seems like something i'd do

my mom says my laptop will be back soon, finally repaired. i don't think i mentioned it here but the harddrive broke and i lost everything

stories. hundreds of thousands of words and i WISH that was an exaggeration

my fucking POKEMON. ALL MY GODDAMN POKEMON!!! I BEAT SOUL SILVER WITH JUST AN AMPHAROS AND ITS FUCKING GONE. MARILYN IM SORRY. NOT TO MENTION ALL MY OTHER SAVES

all my art. all those sketches. i've barely drawn since, nothing feels right anymore. not like i know where my art tablet is anyway :/ that's just

gone

everything's gone

once i have a laptop again, i think i'll be happier. i hope i'm happier. my life is there, my happiness is there. it's not healthy to stare at a screen for who knows how many hours of a day but it makes me happy

i want to have fun with graey again. the weeks we'd spend just playing minecraft and stardew and we haven't been able to do anything because i'm just on my phone and a shitty school laptop that can't even run google and word at the same time

i don't know what i'm going to do. this whole thing is a mess, just so much bullshit. and it's barely the tip of the iceberg

i didn't even mention how my dad found another rope in my brother's room. part of me hopes it's not what i think it is and some part of how i once opened his girlfriend's snapchat and found him listed as daddy

fucking discord moderator lookin' ass. it's the trauma innit

i'm doing dnd again. it's not full campaigns, just one-shots with the sewer rats every other weekend or so where i dm and they can have fun.

i like making them happy

i love all of them. they're my family. caesar, crypt, xeno, cat, moe, roo, blink, cig, fox, graey, even fed and ag. if it weren't for you guys, i'd be nothing. i'd be gone.

caesar, you've been with me through everything. i wouldn't be here if you weren't there for me. i'm glad we're getting close again, i've missed your company

i'm glad i'm the one you tag when you see if anyone wants to watch u stream :)

crypt, for all the shit i give you i love you. when are we going to finish mamma mia together u rat ass bitch

xeno u are one of the funniest motherfuckers i've met, even if u are a literal fetus. whenever i see u join vc im always so fucking hyped

cat why r u so fucking racist. when r we gonna play phasmo

moe stop touching kids.

roo i am not gonna lie sometimes u feel like my mom i s2g granted u are geriatric so maybe that makes u my grandma. point still stands, also when r we gonna plot wren and dhova i want my twink-turned-twunk

blink i still need to dm u back give me a sec.

cig u are also a fetus but u are one of my FAVORITE people to brainstorm and plot with. UR BRAIN IS SO WRINKLY AND UR ALWAYS SO RESPONSIVE IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY!!

fox. ANOTHER FETUS. but also an amazing dm and just?? ur so creative. U ARE SO CREATIVE. UR CHARACTER DESIGN. UR ART SKILLS. ur so underappreciated?

graey when r we having the dildo battle. i will come to alaska and live in a shack in the woods with ur nasty unshowering ass if it means i get to punch u in the face irl and laugh abt the usual bullshit with you.

fed stop being british it's literally so gross idk how u do it. if u stop being british i'll stop bullying u abt ur terrible typing skills

ag u are just. cool. like if i had to pin someone as like the 'cool/chill' person of the sewers it would 100% be u i am ngl. play roblox cats with me u fucking coward

enough of being sappy. they need to stop accusing me of being a lesbian I AM NOT A LESBIAN

im happy again

thinking about them makes me happy

in other news celestial bodies by ghost data is a nice song

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dontyouhearmehowling · 4 years

Note

oh my god. Ok so I just scrolled through your blog and my heart hurts because there is so much love and just so much stuff I can relate too and I just ahhh damnnn it I cant even but like can I please have the story of your relationship with this girl your with? please? i'm a hopeless romantic I feel too much I love so hard my own love life is complicated but i know the kind of love you talk about thats exactly how i love the love of my life too so yours is a story I need to hear

ok so. it all started on April 31st, 2018. i reblogged one of those ask games and she sent me an emoji that said “i’m too scared to talk to you but i think you’re great” and i was like do it!!! and she did!!!! she texted me after i had already gone to sleep tho, so i only answered the next day. but then we talked all day. and the next. and the next. and we never ran out of things to talk about and even only knowing her for a few days i already felt comfortable enough with her to talk about anything?? it was wild. since day 1 we’ve had this connection that i’ve never had with anyone else and its my favorite thing in the world. after like a week we already had a bunch of inside jokes, something that i’d never had before, and i was already crushing on her. ok so we became very close friends like immediately, and i mostly ignored my crush on her bc i thought she didn’t like me back and usually i’d get meaningless crushes on everyone at first before i met her. but then this other girl and i started flirting and i realized i didnt like her bc i liked c too much, so i broke things off and kinda went like “oh shit this is real” and decided that i’d just stay friends with c until i eventually couldnt take it anymore and had to tell her abt my feelings bc thats how i am. anyways ok cool meanwhile i made her watch the good place on rabb.it with me which will be relevant later.

ok so fast forward to may 21st or something around that time. its time to sleep bc i have school the next day so we say goodnight, but then i guess she says something or reblogs something and i get sad bc i realize she doesnt like me back. so i make some hashtag sad posts abt yearning and then i realize i told her i was going to sleep and i didnt want her to think i didnt want to talk to her so i text her again and say like “ok i was going to go to sleep but then i got sad abt my crush” and SHE GOES “you have a crush????????” and im there like. what in the hell bc not only did i not try to hide it At All, i constantly posted about it and had an entire tag about her and i thought it was pretty obvious. so anyways i go “yes?? i thoought you knew that?? im literally always posting about it??” and she asks me to talk abt the crush and who it is. i say “just stalk the tag if u want, im going to sleep” then shes like “nO WAIT WHO IS IT” and im like. blatantly ignoring that and my heart is already beating out of my chest but she Really wants to know and then at one point i say “please dont make me answer that” so shE SAYS “you’re making me think that its me” and i say “i dont know what you want me to say” and SHE GOES “I WANT YOU TO SAY THAT ITS ME BC I HAVE A HUGE CRUSH ON YOU” so i just. die. right then and there. also yknow we talk about it and its like after 1 am and im just happier than i’ve ever been. ok so 2 days later she asks me out Officially and its great and shes the cutest gf ever and she made me feel more wanted than i’d ever felt in my entire life. then 6 days later she sends me a big big big text on tumblr and long story short (bc it was kinda personal), she would be deleting her all social media for the summer.

so she was gone. and we had only dated for a week at this point, but we’d known each other for 2 months, and i already loved her. i already knew she was the love of my life. i didnt even try to move on, i’d tell people i didnt wanna move on cuz i knew i was meant to love her. i had another blog like this that i used to talk about how much i loved and missed her (so like. exactly like this). i literally reasoned with myself that like. that happened because before i met her i was in a really bad place after a terrible relationship and i was almost giving up on finding someone who actually made me feel loved bc i thought it would never happened, so i was like “ok so i was in a really bad place, so the universe brought my soulmate a little early just for a while so that i would know i had to hold on, and when its actually time for us to be together, it will bring us to each other once again” like i actually told myself that, in those words. and yknow what? i wasnt even wrong. on july 15th she texted me from an empty tumblr with her old url and at first i literally couldnt believe it but we talked for hours and hours and i asked her what happened bc i thought she was disconnecting for the summer and she said “i was. i am. i just couldnt not talk to you anymore” and she said that she thought about me every single day, and i told her i missed her and she said she didnt text sooner bc she thought i’d be angry at her and ofc i wouldnt, i could never be angry at her and besides, she was just taking care of herself and i said i dont think i could be anything less than head over heels for for, and she said she felt the same way, but wasnt ready to be more than friends yet. but that had always been more than enough for me. just having her in my life would always be more than enough for me. so we stayed friends.

then, on august 9th i got this ask.

and she saw it after i said i was gonna go to bed (bc again, i had school the next day) and she texted me a whole thing about how that was the nicest thing anyone had ever said about her and that i should be asleep but she had to get it out of her chest and that her anxiety made it hard for her to show how much i meant to her so she was sorry if i didnt know and this would probably make no sense but she was tired of keeping it to herself bc shes the luckiest person alive for having met me and that it was gonna be so hard because shes so difficult (shes not) and her anxiety is difficult but that she literally spent every night thinking about me and of buying plane tickets to come see me so that she could be with me. then she was like “im sorry if this is uncomfortable to you and you can just ignore it but i think im in love with you and this is over text and not romantic at all (it was the most romantic night of my life) but you’re asleep (i wasnt) and we arent together but i want to be one day” and until this i was Trying to fall asleep and then i checked my phone that kept RINGING and died a thousand times over and started to answer and she sent other texts saying “i’ve never felt this way about anyone before i’m so in love with you its fucking ridiculous and this is gonna be so complicated but fuck i want this so bad / i’m sorry it took me so long / would you move to new york with me?” and i was This Close to literally fucking exploding like. how the hell was this happening how was it not a DREAM. so we talked and i obviously said i loved her too and eventually she asked me out and thats still probably the best night of my life. other highlights: “i’ve loved you way before august 9th so jot that down” and “off topic but i love you / you’re honestly my other half” and, after i said “you cant make me laugh its 2am”, she answered “i’m going to make you laugh for the rest of your life so help me god” and thats my favorite thing anyone has ever said to me probably and so far she’s kept her word.

anyways we got back together and then she told me that she never even told her friends she broke up with me??? bc that way she could keep pretending we were still together???? literally like sjdksndk imagine being this loved. i dont have to. anyways she wrote poems abt me sometimes and her christmas gift for me was gonna be a book with all her poems and she called it “what we owe to each other” because of the good place (remember how i said it’d be relevant later? its later) bc like she said that when we were watching tgp together on rabb.it thats when she realized that she Really Truly liked me like For Real. and the inscription on the book was going to be “to the girl i love / and what i owe her” and. yall. i cry. anyways one of the poems had a huge impact on us. heres the story:

and she got them but we broke up before she got to mail them to me. what happened was she had some mental health problems and she said she couldnt give me what i needed at the time but knew i’d still give her my all bc thats just how i am and she thought it wouldnt be fair so she broke things off to work on her mental health. she said she would need some time before we could be friends. the last thing we said was that we loved each other. this was in like november 2018, and we didnt talk for months. i actually tried to move on this time after a while, but it didnt take. and then i gave up for good. havent tried since. but anyways, then, on march 11th, 2019, i had my first day of college back in my home country, and we have this “pranks”/games that seniors get to do to the freshmen, and one of them required eggs, and they asked us to paint them, so i panted mine as iron man bc it was easy, but c LOVES iron man. like. LOVES. like in a Whole New Level of loving. once when we were dating she said she loved me more than tony stark and i was like. shook. like she tattooed “T.S” on her ankle after him. u get the point. she loves him very much, its adorable and endearing and i love it. anyways. so i sent her a picture of it saying like “you dont have to answer this but i made this for my university and i thought you would like it” and she answered and IMMEDIATELY something clicked and we talked and talked and talked and it was never weird or awkward or uncomfortable. it never is with her. its incredible, i cant explain it. i Know shes my soulmate like thats the ONLY possible explanation for this kind of connection. its unreal. anyways. we became friends again! all was well.

then one beautiful night she drunk texts me sndjkajs she sends me so many texts and says it sucks that we live so far away and that she saw my posts (in this particular case, one that said something about like. when she talked about love now, was it about someone else?) and she said that it wasnt. and then she went to sleep and i only saw the texts when i woke up and i was DYING bc we had a 4 hour difference and it’d take a while for her to wake up. when she did, we talked and she said she wasnt over me and was scared she might never be, and even though we were still gonna stay friends, it was nice to know that she still loved me. ok so fast forward a bit more and i was starting to wonder if she’d moved on again, when she finds out her best friend had a crush on her, and that conversation ends up with her saying “it was 100% platonic for me / sorry if thats weird i just wanted you to know that” and it was NOT weird it was GREAT NEWS bc i was Hella jealous of her best friend and at first i wondered if they were dating and anyways the fact that she wanted me to know that was a pretty good hint that she still had feelings for me. ngl im still somewhat jealous of h (c’s best friend), but thats just bc im an insecure lil bitch and also bc they get to go out and do stuff together that i cant do with c bc of the distance, yknow? but anyways. then she went on a graduation trip in mid to the end of june and she bought me a magnet. just. out of nowhere. i cannot stress enough how Incredibly unexpected this was. so much so that i actually convinced myself that it meant she was over me????? literally. what the fuck. anyways we named him together and coincidentally (or bc of soulmate powers. who knows) we both had the same favorite names. i still love that.

okay so then we go to july 29th, 2019. first of all theres one of my favorite interactions Ever which was like after i was venting about something and i was thanking her and i said “you’re always here for me” to which she answered “nowhere else i’d rather be” and i still think thats peak romance and i will take no criticism on this. anyways so then she sent me a poem that she wrote based on a song i’d sent her (the song i called “heaven is a place” and its the BIGGEST mood for being in love and i sent it to her bc it was how i felt about her so her writing a poem about it?? literally the best thing ever. love it) anyways it was a beautiful poem and i cried and got very emotional and kinda went too far in my compliments (aka being very obvious about my romantic feelings) and then i was like oh no sorry if i made u uncomfortable and she was like. “you have NEVER. EVER EVER EVER EVER made me uncomfortable” “you’re the only person on planet earth i am comfortably myself around” and “there’s nothing you could ever say that i wouldn’t wanna hear” and anyways it was just very good and romantic conversation even tho we were just cough cough platonic hashtag gal pals hashtag no homo ✌️ and then she was like ok wait. i need to talk to u abt something. and in short she said she was waiting for us and i was like well what are you waiting for exactly? and she was like idk?? for us to accidentally bump into each other in new york in a few years?? WHICH WAS LITERALLY WHAT I’D DAYDREAM ABOUT BACK IN JUNE 2018 BEFORE SHE CAME BACK OKAY so anyways we had a Great conversation and said i love you about a thousand times each and she decided she was gonna buy tickets to come see me. and then she dID like TWO DAYS LATER. lichrally. queen of impulsivity but in the best way possible.

—————

ok quick edit here cuz i forgot to say that when i found out she was coming i asked for my mom’s help to make a necklace pendant for her from scratch. my mom works with prosthetics so she has the material to make jewelry and back when c and i were dating in 2018 i had made this lil design for a necklace that had the moon and the ocean (bc duh) and i was gonna give it to her for valentines day in 2019 but we broke up before that so i didnt get the chance, but when i found out i was meeting her i knew i had to. so i made the necklace in wax, like this:

and my mom took it to her work and heated it up to melt it and keep the shape of it to fill with silver, and this was the result:

i gave it to her when she got here and she wore it while she was here and it made me so happy. ok edit over

—————

ok so we kept being like couple-y but not officially in a relationship bc we didnt want to make her anxiety worse. also at one point she was like “so about the ‘i love you more than the moon/ocean’ thing, since we BOTH love BOTH of the moon AND the ocean, i think its only Fair if we update our love declarations to ‘i love you more than the mocean’ bc its mix of both but thats not a word, buT its pronounced exactly like ‘motion’. therefore we should both start saying ‘i love you more than the motion’”. so now we have both the wonderful, romantic, original version, and the NOT ROMANTIC AT ALL DO U HEAR ME C??? version :) and after this day she always started with the WORST!!!!!! version, and i always started with the Only Valid Version, but we’d still answer each other’s ofc because. well. thats love i gues?? it sorta goes like this though: her: i love you more than the motion / me: i hate u / me: i literally hate u so much / me: i Also love you more than the motion

but anyways she was coming to visit me but the plane ticket wasnt for my home country it was for where i was going to university at (a new university, i was starting over) and when i first got here on this campus, i didnt have a working phone number for this country, and i wouldnt be able to access the wifi for 3 days, so i had no way of talking to her. it was TERRIBLE and i missed her more than anything in my LIFE but when i got wifi (after CRYING to the people here bc theyre the most unorganized uni ever and i was already very overwhelmed and stressed) i immediately called her and she’d sent me over 100 text messages dkfjssjks it was amazing, there were two (2) videos of her singing (which is like. objectively the best thing in the world, and the song was rlly romantic and i love it sm when she showed it to me for the first time she said it made her think abt me), a poem, AND a HUGE text with “i love you” written like. a THOUSAND TIMES. seriously i have a gif of it opening and scrolling bc it was so long that the text wouldnt show up directly on the chat screen and u have to click on it to see the rest. i’d never felt more loved in my entire life by anyone ever. anyways so then it came the day for her to get here and i had to wake up at 5 am to go get her at the airport and the uber was like $40 but who CARES it was the best day of my LIFE and i got there 20 minutes earlier bUT GUESS WHAT SO DID SHE (hashtag just soulmate things) then we facetimed the entire time while she was walking through the airport and getting her luggage and then she hung up to walk to the door where i was and we hugged for like 5 minutes and we were totally in people’s way and also almost fell but it was the best thing in the world and i never should’ve let her go. but, we had to go home, so i did. and we spent 4 days together and im not gonna go into details bc this is already too long but u can always send me another ask about her visit if ur not a coward. also i bought her a hoodie from my uni and whenever she wears it i just. die. in short, those days were the happiest i’ve ever been. this campus res had never felt like home before that friday and it hasnt again since that monday, but i swear to god, during those 4 days, this was the only place i could possibly belong.

anyways then she left and i cried for the entire uber ride home and then i cried all day. lmao. also when she was here she gave me the poetry book, the magnet, and the bracelet. still wear the bracelet every single day and i love it more than anything. but then personal stuff happened and we kinda stopped being couple-y again and we’re just friends now but before new years i asked her if she still loved me and she said yes and she said she’d tell me if it changed so ✌️✌️ im assuming it hasnt. even tho my brain is a bitch and everyday its like. today. today is the day. this is when its gonna happen. buT yknow we’ve spent months before without even talking to each other and we got through that still in love, so i mostly ignore it. and tbh i know that actually like, even if we grow apart now (god forbid, but still) we’ll find our way back to each other eventually. like, i’ve said this before and i’ll say it again: nothing, not even the universe itself, can convince me that shes not my soulmate. and even if it turns out i’m not hers, loving her is still the greatest honor i can think of.

another edit: also i started drawing recently and the first person i’ve ever finished drawing was her and also (surprise surprise @c since you’re already seeing all my feelings anyway) bc of my second drawing i almost missed the deadline for one of my midterms (which was a take-home test) bc instead of writing it i spent the entire day before the deadline finishing the drawing which was a secret valentines day gift (secret as in she didnt know it was supposed to be a gift, she thought it was just a drawing inspired by a quote that she loves) and i finished at 2 am but shes 3 hours behind so for her it was still 11 pm which MEANS it was still valentines day so it still counts, i win, lesbian rights!

#mine #l #answered #dont rb #i dont think anyone will but this is personal and i dont want to risk it getting out #i wanna have this bc i love telling people this story and next time someone asks i’ll just send them this post

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alchemist-shizun · 5 years

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As expected, Dealing with intrusive thoughts is now one of my favorites

Here I come with almost all of my reactions on the episode, even though I tagged the spoiler warnings I put everything under the cut just in case. Enjoy the emotional rollercoaster while I'll probably go and rewatch it again.

Okay kinda expected one or two of the warnings but all of them together what is gonna happen???? (Though they make sense after reading the title)

HELLO FRESH BACK AGAIN

"I'm awesome and I can do this" there goes my boy. *said boy falls flat on the floor* ...come on

I felt that yawn bc I stayed up all night waiting for the video but it dropped at 8 am, I'm an idiot who should've gotten more sleep

"help me" why is he such a mood "everything is going wrong in my life" same but YOU SHOULDN'T SAY THAT LET ME HUG YOU

They're all sinking up so fast god I missed my bois. Also the general awkwardness of Virge and Pat, greeeeat something will go wrong

Virgil just ignoring everything and touching the railing, a mood

ALSO PLEASE LET ROMAN IN THE SITUATION

SECRET SECRETS ARE NO FUN TELL ME NOW OR ELSE WE'RE DONE

wait why does Ro want to be deeply troubled- man are you okay-

LOGAN'S HERE

"your most extreme reaction is an eyebrow raise" "FALSEHOOD" "I stand corrected" omfg

"what are you ta- what are you talking- what are you talking about?" I loved that whole take it made me feel complete

"Look I barely got any sleep" this can apply to a lot of us and I love just how we're all always like "TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF" but in the end this is where we all end up anyway

Okay I'm very curious about these troubling thoughts though

"so sushi" FUCCC I DIED RIGHT THERE

"Don't act like that was an accident" "everybody, Virgil. Let's give it up for the Purp Man" these speak for themselves. Also the purp man is my new fav nickname and I'm gonna use it.

4:17 Patton is adorable bye

"if you continue to push this we're going to end up in really dangerous territory" AND THAT'S WHERE THE TENSION STARTED TO BUILD UP

great flick

"am I delirious or is this the funniest video I've ever made" I felt that

YOU HIGH-JOCKED

okay but when Thomas starts disassociating I also feel really weird like as if there was something blocking my own hearing for real?? And not just the audio edited like that?? Maybe I'm just too tired

WHAT WHO WHHH first intrusive thought making its way what is gonna happen

OH MY GOD ROMAN WATCH OUT ALSO THAT'S DEFINITELY A NEW DARK SIDE OR SMTH LIKE THAT

W HO THE FUCKLKDSL IS THAT A MOUSTACHE IS THAT GLITTER WHAT IN THE WORLD IS HE WEARING WHAT IS HE DOING THERE PLEASE- okay but he looks crazy af I like that

"-evIL" "-SHOW UP"

First time I watched the scene where Ro gets knocked out I literally just screamed "ROMAN" in a high pitched sound I was shook wtf my bOY

Patton and Thomas's yells in unison plus "YOU KILLED HIM" I just I JUST

"Ah, he's the Duke" "....... boo" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Okay but his voice is so on point with his character portrayal he's so weird it's awesome?

SONG SONG SONG and oh goodness the visuals I can't fathom how much editing work must have gone through this, they're all so talented.

"aunt patty naked" A G AI N??

"IM GONNA WHIP YOUR BUTT"

a snaKE IT'S DECEIT oh my these silouhettes are so great this is my favorite scene

this is gonna be stuck in my head all day

THE COOL MIRROR EDIT.

god i hate him so much already but i'm super intrigued he's so chaotic the whole team made a wonderful job i'll never stop saying this

"i'm really stupid right now" just how much out of context relatable content are we going to get on this fine day?

omg the dark version of creativity, which can be associated with intrusive thoughts, that's very clever

THE JUICY STUFF DANCE

"Repression can be very bad indeed" I mean he's right tbh it leads to never solving the problem at all

GO LOGAN GO HAVE YOUR TIME TO SHINE FINALLY i missed him

"i can't hear youuuuuu" much like "I don't understand what you're saying I don't know anything about words" THE DARK SIDES ARE ALL SASSY LITTLE BITCHES

pattonnnn did a real good job

THE BRAVE HANDSOME UNBEATABLE ROMAN and mashed potatoes

"scary" and Virgil just gives Thomas a look idk I live on the little details (Im ten minutes into the vid and look how long this post already is)

GEE Remus (already using his name bc it's shorter) looking so offended at the label and then pointing out it should be a Virgil problem whAT DOES THIS MEAN IM SHAKING

WHY WOULD HE BE DECEIT AGAIN IM DYING. "Idk if you guys can tell but I'm a little silly"

"then why are you lying" no everybody I don't need angst

THE BLACK AND THE WHITE THEORY I SAW GOING AROUND good job to whoever thought of that

JOAN

the forbidden dance

INTO A BUTTHOLE WHAT IS IT WITH HIM AND BUTTHOLES

there u go thomas said it too

haters gonna hate hate hate hate hate FHDSLAKLFD

irresponsible parenting, Logan completing the parental unit of the sides

"maybe there's hope for you after all!" me looking at all my wips

REMUS' LAUGH IS PERFECT. also "BITCH WHAT IS *YOUR* DEAL"

"you've never been one to soften the truth" OH BOI HERE WE GO

"do we have some case of brain swap???" I legitly said "maybe" in unison with Patton the first time

Vee pls stop putting Thommy boy down he's having a bad time

Logan trying to put some sense into the situation is my only spark of hope for this to turn back good

REMUS IS SO DRAMATIC

That lick was ....... let's pretend it never happened

"you know who can help us with that???" DECEIT'S SONG COMING UP that was great, imagine the chaos that the duo would create

"THATS WHAT REPRESSION IS?"

gasp Remus trying to make Virgil angry at Logan shall not stand DON'T PUT THEM AGAINST ONE ANOTHER HE'S JUST TRYING TO HELP

"you all are not listening to Thomas" this is the development I needed

"you're just para-" and he cuts himself. You all know what I'm talking about. Foreshadowing probably? This happened too back then when Roman was almost calling him the same. And then Virge looks so hurt I- "thank you for being on guard" that made me want to cry idk

the whole speech Logan gave? Pure gold. That was perfect.

HE SAID FIGURATIVELY *CLAP CLAP CLAP*

"UH RECORD SCRATCH?"

"does this make me cool?" djslagrkglhf also the teeth thing right after what the

... the deodorant eating ...

DUKEY

The first time I watched I thought his name was spelled Remis that's how dumb my Italian ass is

Still I love his name bc I'm a nerd for ancient culture, ESPECIALLY Roman (and ancient Greek but it isn't mentioned here) and I love the little thing they did with both Creativity names, super clever and very much liked on my part.

"I would never hide anything from you" and he looks at Virgil JUST ALL THIS FORESHADOWING

LOGAN SHOWING HIS TEETH BACK UP

"how about you shut up" Roman what the hecc man

THAT THING INTO LOGANS HEAD UNSETTLED ME A BIT

what are they doing to him today let him rest

double blow

"can we logic our way out of that?" everybody nodding was so pure

"shit"

THAT FUCKING JUMPSCARE I'M SORRY WHAT THE FU

"not all thoughts are meaningful"

He's go- no he's back again

THE CALLBACK MENTION AND PATTONS REACTION... probable foreshadowing to what Joan said about there being a part two of SvS?

"When are you actually gonna jump out of a moving car I've been bringing it up for years" so it's not just me..?

"it is okay if the thought happens to cross your mind"

"everything is okay" I'm going to cry I needed that

I love how Logan touches the topic that there is no problem in seeking help from therapists. There's a lot to say on this, but I was really glad that was pointed out since the are a lot of stereotypes on the matter

why did Virgil look like he was about to cry

Patton I love you

Thomas going to rest is what everyone wanted to see

Virgil confronting Remus I'm living you're doing amazing sweetie

"you tickle me emo"

"it was just like old times" then Pat and Lo's looks in this essay I will

ROMAAAAN

VIRGILS SMILE

"YOU'RE ALIVE"

"I LOVE YOU" ME TOO!! ME TOO ME TOO

"are you good?" "are you hurt at all?" I love when the sides look out for each other

"I'm sorry Logan" right through the heart. Another development.

I need y'all to look at Virgil in this exact second because. he.

that's my point.

All those smiles while Logan's talking are making me alive

"No seriously, you're ... really ... cool" I started tearing up right here. Twice. And then Logan sinks down cause he's not at all used to this and he's feeling t h i n g s please keep on being appreciated you deserve it

Also Patton always learning from his mistakes and understanding them when he does something wrong or he thinks in the wrong direction, that's something I think a lot of people need to learn, including myself. Like, it's okay to be wrong and make mistakes, just do your best to make sure you're improving yourself afterwards, instead of dwelling on it too much

"I don't like him" makes two of us

"Soooo you have a brother?" oh boy

The m i r r o r it's making me cry

"He's gone now and he's never coming back!" "I don't think that's-" "BYEE" what was all that talk about repression for if you contiNUE TO DO THIS ROMAN please I beg of you let us hELP YOU he's making me die inside

Oh boi the big moment. I already expected a bomb to drop since Virgil was the last one remaining.

"You okay buddy?" "Huh?" op somehow was already found crying

"I'm a little disappointed in myself" istg all that foreshadowing mixed with me wanting to hug him

The music picking up tension, this is poetic cinema let me tell you

I noticed how he calls them "the others", all these tiny details is what I'm living for

"I should know better" I couldn't beLIEVE IT, also how he seemed to be so frustrated made something inside me break

the pause and then "Because I was one of them", the music stops for a second, a little second in which you can hear my distant screaming "GOSH HE SAID IT IT WAS TRUE"

Thomas is speechless and just stares at him while the music picks up again and then Virgil's sigh and expression sinking down like "there you have it. that's the truth. and you can't do anything about it" he looks so defeated I'm breaking down.

Did I already mention poetic cinema? I just love angst and this scene was perfect

First time watching I, too, barely understood anything I was listening to in the last parte because all of that was really a lot to take in.

"Those thoughts that you may have thought do not define you"

"[the thought] may simply be that we are really okay"

"Go to bed!" me

no im not in the mood for food because for some unfathomable reason I had anxiety before the video dropped yay me

WHY ARE U DRINKING RED WINE WITH THAT DISH

GAVIN BEST BOY EVER

and last but not least: are you fucking serious Remus

THERE'S A SNAKE IN MY BUTT FANDFKJL

I didn't expect this topic at all and I am so glad it was talked about, thankfully my intrusive thoughts do not bother me as much as I realized other people's do. And I never saw anyone talking about this before, which is why it makes this video so important. I saw a tweet recently about someone saying that it is okay if you think about weird things, the important is that you never act on them, that's what makes you a good person. But I think this video really explains it far better and I never realized how common something like this was? So yeah another time in which I've been educated and couldn't be happier about it. These people really are bringing light to the world gah I LOVE THEM.

oKAY guess I'm done this was a wild ride and yeah I tend to point out EVERYTHING, so here you have it, as I already mentioned if you feel the need to geek out too, I'm here for ANYBODY! (pls I have no friends)

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changji · 5 years

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Wow you really went off the other day but at least it was worth it 😪 I normally look at the scenery when I’m on a road trip, but then I get bored of it and decide to sleep bc there’s nothing else to do. Motion sickness must suck :(( do you take gravol or something to help with it? Coffee literally drains the life out of my funds it hurts me

Yes omg pls make me cookies I love them. Maybe you can even open a bakery with pastries and sell some good /cheap/ coffee. Ilyt my dear baker 🥺 ye I’m not the biggest fan of my bday either but gotta celebrate anyway!! One year closer to death woohoo 🎉🎉 your birthday is the most important day of the year!!! You can’t fight me on this I’m right

Pearls are so good. Like most places I go to don’t add anything to the pearls so it’s just bland squishy balls but the place I frequent adds I think honey to sweeten them. It gives the pearls life istg. It tastes so good 🤤 hollering is a funny word. For some reason I always associate it with yodelling which makes me laugh

Ksks you must be op if you can make a joke in the wall with a door slam. I can’t relate my arms are literally sticks and I have no strength in me. Chrome books are terrible in general. Add my schools terrible wifi and you get one big recipe for disaster. I’d never fight u either (unless it’s for your bday) ily too much for that 🥺🥺🥺

Hahah I think it’s me. I haven’t heard anyone say “go ham” except for the people who go to my school. I find it really funny tho so I try to incorporate it whenever I can LOL easily burnt? Can’t relate but apparently I easily tan. There’s this one diagonal stripe on my shoulder that separates pale me and tan me which ??? How did that happen and what was I wearing for that to happen??

It’s all fun and games until you go outside and see a mountain of snow waiting for you to be shovelled. But there are some good aspects to winter, like skating and skiing and all that fun stuff. Snow is so heavy?? Or maybe I’m just weak but after I finish shovelling I’m beat. Gardening is not my thing. There’s too many bugs involved flying around 🥴

Kind of? I always thought it was short for cappuccino but I could be wrong. They don’t taste like fraps tho, they’re sm better. I was always a frap hoe until I discovered lattes. My old elementary school was close to a Starbucks so whenever frappy hour was happening, my friends and I would go almost every day LOL

I heard that dunkin coffee is really good. Oof there’s so many things that the us have that Canada doesn’t. But apparently you guys don’t have ketchup chips?? How can one live without them? You know that’s what soulmates are, we’re stuck together forever and I don’t mind that. I’d never leave you 😌😌

YES OMG LATTES ARE SO EXPENSIVE. I pay around the same amount and my wallet cries every time. If you ever yeet yourself off a bridge I’d come visit u in hell and bring u iced coffee 💖 we really are soulmates wtf I get almond milk in my lattes as well!! I used to get normal milk and was like “I’m a bad bitch milk can’t hurt me” but that didn’t really work out. Sigh what we do for coffee 😔

Washing dishes is disgusting. I hate doing them but yk someone’s gotta do it and that someone is me 😤 I’m acc lazy when it comes to smoothies, I usually ask my mom to make them LMAO. Pancakes are pretty much made of flour if you think about it so technically when u eat one plain ur eating cooked flour,, how barbaric. Waffles are Built. Like. They have a 20 pack 😪😪

I love angst personally so pls go ham but not too ham I’d like to keep my heart. Honestly at this point my last brain cell has given up on me. But yes I love angst and I love torturing myself with heart wrenching angst that leaves me crying into my pillow at 3am (I’m talking about this one haikyuu fic that I forgot the name of. I was literally dying inside jalsjwo)

Pls do send me peet’s I’ll send you an iced capp in a cooler so it’ll be somewhat melted and probably spilt everywhere 🤪 tumblrs probably gonna block me again, I’m looking at how much I’ve typed rn and it’s a lot lmaoo. Yes I managed to save myself. I redid the whole last with less detail bc I was not Having It but it turned out better?? How is ur drawing now?

I start after labour day in September. But starting in 3 weeks?????? On a Thursday?? I could never wtf. When do you end? I’m so confused with these ap and honours thing, like there’s none offered in my school nor majority of the school district. Are they just advanced classes or something? It is 7 classes a semester or the whole year?

Stan talent i think you meant yourself??? Jsjsksk I am not only ur coffee soulmate I’m not #1 fan as well and I support u bc ily 🥺🥺 the read more tag had me laughing for a hot minute. Like we really could make an essay out of all of our replies. I don’t have any pets (besides fish does that count?) unfortunately bc my moms allergic to fur 🥺 hbu?? (I can’t believe tumblr blocked me again they can fight me)

i didn’t even pay LOL i freeloaded off my cousin 🤧 i like to look @ scenery sometimes but like i can’t bc my head hurts LOL and the scenery is always the same for me, mountains and fields with cows. i try to take dramamine but it makes me so drowsy that i’m just basically dead,,, i live off of my cousins money so i’m okay 🤪

tbh i use nestle toll house pre made cookie dough, like that shit actually slaps. it’s the best it’s so good omg, perfect for lazy hoes 🤧 death here we go ! the order is ur bday, then skz debut date, and then christmas i don’t make the rules sorry sis 😤

pearls are Dangerous, i once drank a smoothie and there were pearls in it and i couldn’t see them bc there were like. only 3 and they were Buried under the smoothie but i choked and almost died but i chewed one of them and it’s like. so weird. HOLLERING AND YODELING IM- i once went to some public yodeling class and left in 2 seconds bc it was a bunch of white boys dressed like the kid from walmart 😪

it’s not even strength i’m actually rly weak,, i always think the doors are closed but they’re not and so i like slam them open and the walls are thin so it’s just. a sad hole. terrible wifi,, my school has pretty good wifi tbh but we have like three connections, one for the chrome books only, one for the teachers & staff, and one for students and guests. like it works rly good but everyone has a VPN bc of stupid social media restrictions 😤 & ilyt 🥺 u would probably win in a fight tho LOL

go ham is so interesting. the first time i heard it i thought it meant go pig and i was so confused but ig,,, i live lathered in sun screen whenever i go somewhere with the sun. ppl are like “i smell sun screen” and im just there like 🙃 it’s me u got a problem u burnt chicken nugget ??? i wish i tanned easily, i have a tan friend and when i showed her when my legs got tan she was so confused. i thought i was tan tho? bc during marching band season my sock tan becomes So Bad i’m basically white. she said she was blinded when she saw me pull my sock down and i laughed so hard LOL & i hate those dumb random tan lines like. where u @ bro? where u come from??

snow is fun for like a day and then i get tired LOL i csn only handle wet socks and a red nose for so long 😔 i tried skiing one time and i did so bad that the instructor had to hold me down and walk with me down the slope. i fell so many times i think he hated me 😳 i’m also rly bad at skating? i went w my friends once and i held both of their hands and still managed to bring both of them down when i fell. a cute guy once helped me when i was struggling to walk so 🥴 not my brightest moment tbh,, trying to walk in skates while on ice. do u enjoy skiing/skating? also gardening is. gross. worms and dirt and the sun i’m not here for it.

u: cappuccinos! me: ...ice bergs,,, now that i think about it fraps kinda suck,,, i used to think i was So Cool for drinking starbucks but now i’m like. wow. i used to think there was coffee in a frap but it’s just. sugar and ice LOL also speaking of tmrw is bogo fraps here,, idk if it’s all over the world but myb u should check it out 😪

dunkins okay it depends on what you get, i once got an iced latte and it was good but my dad got an iced coffee and he like. hated it so we had to switch and it was so bad like. it was coffee crime. it was horrible and not strong it was basically milk 😤 also,, ketchup chip? i just googled what that was and. that’s literally so weird. fun fact i hate ketchup and all other condiments i can only eat bbq sauce and i tolerate steak sauce

UR LITERALLY SO CUTE OKAY UR MINE NOW HHHH

i mentioned this in the other ask but. we going broke bitches club 😪 when u come visit me it’ll be old town road the one w mason ramsey on a loop. nothing will top the og remix but no, i’ll be stuck listening to some 5 year old rap for all of eternity

I USED TO BE SUCH A GOOD KID AND DRINK MILK EVERY MORNING ever since i got to middle school i preferred sleep over waffles and milk and i hardly drink milk but when i do. my stomach does not have it.

my mom made me wash dishes today and she just stared at me when i put ziploc bags on my hands bc we didn’t have gloves but i just painted my nails and i’m not abt to put myself thru chipped nails. not yet 😤 waffles are so good like i love waffles and lattes only 🤧

well i’ll go very ham (am i doing it right LOL) 😤 the angst ending is a lot better than the open ended or happy ones LOL i’m so excited for it 🥺 i’m rly tryna get it out before the end of this month bc the edit says july and it’ll make me Mad if i don’t get it out before the end of this month

i wanna start in september 🤧 and i usually end in the first week of june. also on a wednesday LOL it’s gross. stupid. ap means advanced placement so it’s just. a college level class. lowkey mad bc i’m taking ap euro (as a sophomore 😒) and other schools take it in their senior years? apparently this is normal? and honors are just faster paced classes with more weighting so,, idrk oops 😬 some people take 7 classes in a semester but i took it for the whole year! this year i’m dropping orchestra i’m Not for that spit in the carpet life

the only talent in this house goes by ada and jisung. i don’t make the rules. i’m ur #1 fan 🥺 as soon as u post anything i automatically smash that rb button LOL also put a read more here bc like. we’re really out here writing a whole ass essay. i’ll look @ all our convos bet it’ll be like. a lot. i don’t wanna say smth and be off so i’ll just not. i have a dog! he’s the cutest in the world and i love him sm 🥺 tumblr can fight me first like. what’s this ask limit bull hhhhh

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thedappleddragon · 3 years

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haha here we go again

there's a lot of dumb ranting and 3 days worth of logs and a dream in here so im gonna spare evryone’s dashboard and just put it all under the cut.

tw bad memories, talk of unhealthy relations with food, and dreams about dead animals

I realized I kind of entirely forgot to write about what I did yesterday? I kind of did a lot. I know my mom wanted to work on getting tile laid out in front of her bathroom, so we worked together to scrub the concrete and wipe up all the dirt and dust and whatever was under the carpet and remove some of the nails in the floor and bring up a spiky metal strip between the bathroom door and where the carpet was. The other main thing I remember is deciding to continue work on my dress, sewing up the outer bodice, checking that the bodice and lining would fit together, deciding I’d rather have no different colored front panel, and working on the circle skirt. At first I tried cutting the fabric on my bed, but it wasn’t big enough and too lumpy. I contemplated asking my friends if I could borrow their dining table, but I ended up clearing off my own. After I traced and was in the middle of pinning, I accidentally knocked over a glass bowl that I had set on the chair. My mom heard it from the other room and had me come to her room to tell her what it was. She got angry at me, which I thought was fuckin stupid if it was an accident, but after some reflection while cleaning up the glass pieces, I kind of understood why. Mostly I got a little upset about 2 ceramic pieces I made during school breaking a little from the drop. One was a mushroom house from middle school that always makes me remember feeling like an asshole during peer review when I told my person to smooth their project more because I didn’t know “no improvement needed” was an option until I got back to my desk and saw my person saying it was good in all categories because everyone thought my project was great for some reason. The other was a bunch of flowers on a circle. It was the last project we did before quarantine hit, I think. That one is in less tough shape, just a couple flowers knocked off and a chip on one of them. They can both be glued back together, I guess. Then my mom called me back into her room to listen to her talk about wanting to eat huge amounts of food, because she’s clinically depressed with BPD and PTSD and DID and several other acronyms and her favorite coping mechanism is food, but her doctor put her on a diet so she can get her knees replaced, but recently she’s been getting into a zone where she talks about wanting to eat entire cakes and pizzas and buckets of kfc and a gallon of queso or whatever the fuck and she goes “doesn’t that sound GOOD?” And I have to laugh along and say “haha no that sounds bad actually” and get her a piece of ham or something. And every time she goes on her spiel the only thing I can think of is the greedy from the raggedy Ann and Andy musical. It’s just this horrible undulating orange blob that eats everything in sight and seeing it for the first time just made me think of mom and it made me very uncomfortable, with all the orange goo and hurling noises. Also reminds me of this horrible video game boss fight where it’s the apocalypse and a fat lady on a scooter took over the buffet and eats so much during her boss fight, during the defeat cutscene she projectile vomits everywhere and dies. My brother Greg showed me that thinking it was funny. I hated it, and I still do. He showed me a lot of things he thought were funny as a shitty little kid, and I remember several of them being very upsetting. It’s ok. I don’t want to dwell on it. But after cleaning the glass and talking to mom I brought my fabric to my room and called it a night. Oh wait my dad also helped me with some paperwork my coworker handed me so I could get on the payroll.

Today I woke up differently than I have in a long time. I set an alarm for 10 am so I could be at work by 11, but I woke up at 9 from a heavy sleep with dreams about hanging out with my friend in my room, worrying about my dirty house. I wanted to sleep longer, so I got up at 10 to have breakfast and get ready. I spent my shift changing the price tags all around the store, making everything more expensive. I’m gonna work again on Tuesday where I’ll learn how to use the register. I hope I don’t fuk it up, but I have a couple days to relax until then. Maybe I’ll work on my dress. My friends all want to go to prom together, so my new deadline will be March 2nd or a little before. I still need to buy a ticket, but I don’t have access to the link to buy one :( bleh I’m too tired right now to worry about this shit. I only worked 4 hours again today, but after I got home I felt like I could have worked longer if they gave me something else to do. The only price tags left to change were a bunch of grills and stuff I don’t know about but I don’t know if they had any other work for my to do. But I’m glad I went home tho because I was hungry and my feet hurt from standing lol. I did laundry and made myself dinner and washed my hair and drew a little bit and made the table and tbh the pacing of today has been so weird I don’t remember everything. It’s only 1am but I think I’m just gonna go to bed. my friends started talking about going to prom, and I really want to join them, but I can't figure out where/how to buy a ticket. my brain started being really mean to me, syaing that I was being annoying and pushy and that they didnt want me at prom for some reason, so I low-key almost made myself cry until my friend offered to let me be their platonic date since their partner couldn't go.

last night I had a dream about a hard video game where when you played it, the black shadow enemies would fight you in real life, and one of them left imprints on my arm in the shape of lego bricks. they could only attack you so long as you played the game, and they tried to capture people and you were supposed to save them. I decided it was my time to play, and I walked into my garage that had turned into a cave with bat-people fused into the wall. I paid them no mind as I rescued a girl who was my irl brother, grabbing her hand and pulling her into another versoin of my garage which was uncorrupted and normal looking. she thanked me, and I said it was no problem. then I tricked her, telling her not to trust so easily, as I became one of the shadow enemies and engulfed her in a black sack, trapping her and leaving the room. I came back a couple minutes later, letting him free (now my brain told me he was my brother) telling him I just wanted to know if I was capable of tricking him, and didnt actually want to kill him or whatever. another big chunk of my dream was taken up by me, my sister, and my dad visiting a run down petting zoo/gamestop. the petting zoo barn was very dark with low ceilings with lots of rabbits and pigs and hay. one of us accidentally killed either a pig or a tiger right next to the exit door, and I had to slink around the gamester trying to distract the owner and keep him from going in the barn and escaping at the same time. I dont remember how it ended, other than me waking up with a sore throat from breathing so deeply through my nose. I had slept on my stomach wit my pillow in my face so I could hardly breathe, and even after I woke up I felt like I wasnt getting enough air. I HATE that feeling, I always felt like I was suffocating in middle school for some reason. I thinkk somethings wrong with my airway but im not gonna do anything about it. im gonna continue to spend 80% of my day laying down so my resting heart rate and breathing speed is slower than an goddamn sloth. whatever.

right now as im laying in bed typing this I feel utterly unpoductive but I KNOW I did SOME shit today. but yeah mostly I relaxed. I worked on my dress, removing and replacing the blue front panel. I lost my exacto knife somewhere so I went to dollar tree to get a knockoff, along with snacks for mom and my sister. the blades aren't as sharp as exacto, but I still know where the name brands blades are so maybe Ill try and see if they're compatible. when I open the package everything was oily and gross, so I washed everything off with soap and water before I used them to cut the threads of the panel seams. I could have used my seam ripper but I wanted to get a replacement craft knife anyway. its kinda neat that it came with 6 different shaped blades for different crafts :) but uhh I also cut out the other half of the circle skirt of the dress, and I have a bunch of extra fabric left over. probably enough to make a whole other bodess if I wanted too. I used my sewing machine to attach the new front panel, and I was hoping to get more sewing done tonight, but when I asked my sister if it was ok for me to use my sewing machine (it right next to the wall between our rooms so she can hear it from there) she said she was going to bed soon so I just attatched the front panel and called it a night. so that kinda sucked. I still have another day tomorrow before I have to work again, and I can still work on my dress on Tuesday after work. idk why my brain thinks that one 4 hour shift is gonna take up my entire day lmao. I just have to get the whole thing done by may 2nd. GOD that reminds me, im gonna be so busy next month. I have six events back to back happening like every other day, plus work. oof. I'll have to let my boss know, but idk If that's gonna make him mad. I've already got pretty comfortable with the lady in charge of the garden center who’s taken lead position while the manager is on vacation, but I dont think I;ll every understand my boss. he’s a sarcastic busy old man and NOT AT ALL approachable. whatever. really the only other tings I did today were drink a shit ton of water play harvest moon, spend too much time on tiktok, and sraw a couple dum things for my friends’ princess au. I fucking HATE the drawing I did for Anna, so I designed her a secondary outfit more inspired by sky pirate bohemian vibes, since she rules over the floating islands. idk if I'll replace her old outfit with the new one in the lineup or just re-draw her old one with better shapes and composition and match the style better or what. I just need it changed eventually becasuse it looks like ass. tbh now that ve taken a little bit of time away from the princess au, there are a couple designs im not 100% satisfied with. but I know that if I go back and make them more detailed or whatever the’ll be more of a hassle to draw and aslkdfhalksdf I dont know anymore. I'm still tied up about color pallets and trying to give everyone a distinct color, and im a little upset it doesn't quite work, and FUCK dude the edgy one’s lore and character are weird and I kind of want to revise it to make it a little nicer but its not my character and I need to stop shoving my dirty little mitts into everyone’s ocs and AHAGHRGHGARGHHG idk man. her power is necromancy and she has a skeleton army, which I think I kinda cool, but I also think it would be neat if her powers extended beyond just that to communing with the dead, helping them find rest, and THEN maybe it can branch into helping fallen soldiers fight again to help them with unfinished buisness. and then if she goes feral and starts abusing her powers, she ignores all the communication and concent with the dead and instead magically rips them from thr ground to do her bidding and they’re uncontrollable and violent and aimless, just like her mind slipping from the magical blight infecting her. idk man we’re till working on a lot of lore. her concept could be SO COOL with just that little bit of extra thought, but so far it’s just MY POWER IS DEATH IM SO EDGY. ugh I know its fuckin rude to bash your friends oc ideas and I might be too overbearing and controlling of this au but dammit im tired and im mean sometimes and my ego is through the goddamn roof and im so sexy and im always right and my meat is huge. ah shit I rpomised my friend I would help her with character design for the dead king but I was busy when she firat asked me and now im not busy but im not doing it ugh. im just frustrated right now because I spent wayyyy to fuckin long just laying in bed watching tikotks and youtube and playing harvest moon an doing jack shit all day. but hey at least I attempted to get a new social security card again today. and them promptly gave up when they said my adress was invalid. again. I feel like im in an uncomfortable medium between having no plans and worrying about the future and having too many plans all the time oh my god. ive been so focused on getting a job and then having a job and making this dress I completely forgot about college shit. thankfully there's no hard deadlines coming up that I haven't already finished. whatever I dont really want to worry about all this hit right now, im just gonna take it one day at a time. (haha it feels like my angel oc just stepped in. how nice of him :) )

#thanks for coming to my ted talk #April 2021 daily #2021 daily

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theantiproduct · 6 years

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I’m feeling overwhelmed as usual so I’m just gonna spill everything here not gonna lie I actually started doing this in the tags like I normally do but I reached the limit of tags pretty fast. Ha. Ive been feeling like shit for a week now I’m really slow and cold and weak and I honestly feel like my body is giving up on me. I feel compressed and tightness in my chest and I can’t fucking breathe. I started a new job about a month ago, and I hate it there. I don’t get the people and the customers are idiotic assholes who think they deserve a medal for allowing me to talk to them. I thought being behind a computer will keep me from getting annoyed but I hate it. I just feel like I’m wasting away. I know if I actually get some balls and get out there I could possibly get a job I like, I’m just terrified of putting myself out there and sending my portfolio and attaching things to my name. Im terrified of having responsibility in scared to fail at everything I ever wanted and I know I’m gonna have to work super fucking hard and I also know I don’t have that kind of energy. I just can’t think in that direction without freaking out and its making me miserable. Thing is every way I think, if that makes sense, I get super stuck. Feels like a huge wall completely surrounding me. Ive been pushing people away, been getting tired of the same conversation where I say I’m depressed and they say get your shit together and I’m like, sure. if someone asks me how I’m doing wtf do I say. I haven’t gone out in months, not on dates not to just the movies with friends or shopping or whatever. Ive done nothing exciting in years? Nothing to tell anyone anything about. Dont ask me to tell you something unless you wanna hear how fucking sick I am from just living this kind of life. And I know no one wants to hear that cause I see the same face on everyone and I’m sick of it. Don’t worry about me I’m not going anywhere, too much of a coward to do anything always been. So I’m lonely and my friends are fading and I don’t have the energy to do anything about anything. Which gets me to dating I guess though honestly haven’t been dating at all for a year I think. I tried over the summer but like I said I feel like a huge fucking loser and I have nothing to talk about if I even get to a point where I talk to a person. No one interests me anyway, not that anyone is interested but meh. Thinking about that time I was trying to pick between 3 dudes makes me laugh and want to scream cause I obviously made the wrong decision. I wanna have someone who already cares and won’t mind me crying, unlike my ex who one told me he’s sick of me crying all the time. I honestly feel like this entire decade is a fucking bad dream. I just want a light to turn on and be like something to hold onto. This feeling feels never-ending and its sucking me in and I can’t deal with everything but everything is so wrong and i don’t even know where to start. And I don’t want to. I just wanna be in bed cause I can’t deal and I’m avoiding everything cause it all sucks and I just I’m just stuck. I gotta start therapy again but with the new job it’ll be a nightmare since I’m already fucking tired and I ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Stuck. I’ve been really neglecting my self care and I want to be better so badly but idk im not getting it I guess. I just want something to make this whole thing worth it. I used to have that but now I’ve got nothing but myself and lets just say I’m not a big fan. I want something to wait for, something that’ll make my heart feel like glitter is exploding inside of it. I don’t think I’ve known happiness that wasn’t the result of love and a boy. Can other things make your heart do the thing? My heart has been mostly aching for years now and I’m so emo but idc. I know I’m not “ready” for a relationship. I don’t feel like I have the energy to give anything to anyone rn. But I want love and sex and intimacy and laughing and someone to hold and cook with and walk the dog and ugh I miss having someone to share shit with that actually wants to hear it. I just feel like that’ll never happen cause I’m getting old and I’m getting even more depressed and it looks even more pathetic the older I get. I just feel old and tired and empty. But also not empty cause this whole thing is running through my head 24/7 and I can’t get it to stop without drugs or sleep. Im gonna assume no one read this cause its a mess. Gonna go cry now, this was somewhat helpful I guess. Ugh.

#personal #this is long i'm sorry ignore me #totally have no Idea what I typed

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amourete-blog1 · 7 years

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(( everything’s gone to hell, sup with you? log starts online and goes ftf shortly after. consistent formatting is fake so we hopped around a couple times - sorry :’33

tagging: @vvicissitudo @9hosis @brackishbarracuda @changinaspirations

begin log:

amourete Do you know anything about what's going on?

vvicissitudo first, yes, and second, hi felide drags hands dowwn my fuckin face

amourete Big fucking mood.

vvicissitudo you don't evven fuckin knoww but you're about to all that shit is interconnected

amourete That's. That's really... REALLY bad. Please tell me it's not what I'm thinking.

vvicissitudo so lets see if i can summarize this real good wwhat are you thinking

amourete :')) Well, Cho's apparently lost a fucking LIMB according to what I got out of Lucy, and Meenah is completely missing

vvicissitudo yeah shes uh in hidin

amourete What????

vvicissitudo theres a feww reasons im theorizin but as wwhatevver the fuck is happening wwith sal gets revvealled i'm pretty sure it ain't much of an issue if he's THAT bad you ain't expect cho to get an arm lopped off an just have Sal sittin idly by yeah but uh wwe're gettin ahead of ourselvves so you said meenah wwas supposed to showw up, right an she didn't

amourete Yes.

vvicissitudo its because wwe got a message early yesterday mornin from chosis wwho was sittin our youngest kid, auraya an i guess there wwas an accident of some kind that uh ended up in our kid bein burned bad by chosis or one of sals kids or sal or somethin, it gets a little blurry at that point an i ain't too sure the details but the point is that meenah wwent ovver there yesterday morn an came back covvered in yelloww and olivve an wwith herself wwounded also an im sure she thought sally wwas gonna bloww a fuckin fuse ovver it so she aint uh here i mean, lookin at sally's blog i aint so sure he didn't bloww one anywway only in a uh, more literal sense but that aint here nor there any questions so far

amourete None.

vvicissitudo i wwant to go ovver and help but considerin he sent vvis awway i'm pretty sure he'd lay into me just for tryin he and i aren't on the best terms but i still aint wwantin... this i mean... my moirail maimed his moirail, wwould you wwant me comin ovver to try to help i'm at a fuckin loss an i ain't knowwin wwhat to fuckin do just sit here on the steps i guess, wwaitin to see if sal does come either to ask an apology or return the favvor or... wwhatevver

vvicissitudo i reiterate; drags hands dowwn my fuckin face i just wwant to bang my head into a wwall a feww times are uh you okay i mean obvviously not but yeah

amourete I'm managing. Worried, but... Managing. Are *you* okay?

vvicissitudo i havve no fuckin clue i havvent slept i havvent eaten meenah aint here vvis aint here the kids aint here its just me in this big hivve wwith my big gun

amourete I can stand guard with you. Maybe give you a chance to rest? Even if you don't sleep.

vvicissitudo yeah alright wwhat about you though and your uh empress situation heard anythin or, do you havve to be there to guard still or no

amourete It's hard for me to leave Lil, but Xanthe's here now, and so is Porrim. I can stand watch with you for a while. :33

vvicissitudo alright then. porters wwide open if you got the coords

amourete I do. Give me a few minutes and I'll be there.

vvicissitudo sure thing.

--- Face-To-Face below this line ---

amourete > Pop! Or maybe it's more of a zap? You're here, and in your hand you have a little knapsack you brought of, indeterminate nature. > Clams said he would be on the steps. You seek him out.

vvicissitudo > Right away, immediately, you're there. Dressed in your full regalia, leather armor, neck guard, full blown cape and arm guards and... There's not really much of your skin that isn't protected. You've got a gun half as big as you propped up on your shoulder- Ahabs. It looks dusty.

You jump when she arrives, but you have training, and your trigger finger isn't on the trigger itself. When you see its her, you lower the weapon and put your head in your hands. With your hair braided and tied up to the top of your head, you look 110% done and tensed for a war.

amourete > Oh. That hurts.

You've never seen a royal violet in battle garb before: in your day, your band of misfits never warranted that kind of force, probably out of pride. But seeing him now, knowing why he's dressed the way he is... He doesn't deserve this.

"Hey." You offer a soft smile, with a hint of sympathy, and lift the knapsack. "Brought some snacks. I know you may not be interested, but if you plan to be here for a while, you'll need to keep up your strength. Couldn't get fish though - too expensive."

For an olive, anyway. You did try.

You make your way up the first couple steps to sit with him.

vvicissitudo Your nose detects food, and you lift your head, watching her. She has the softest, smallest smile on her face. You give her one in return, and set the gun down.

"Before you leave, I want you to go... down to the sixth lower floor. Take anything you want. Something big, something small. As a token of my well appreciated gratitude." Your voice sounds so tired. Before it would be soft and sonorous, pretty and smooth to hear, and now you just sounded like you've been marathon singing.

amourete He'd probably be a great singer, if he had been singing.

"Sixth lower floor?" You laugh, which sounds more like the snicker of a cartoon fox. "What's there? I've yet to see much of this place at all, I have no idea how you keep track of it all."

You lay out the fabric, and in it are a couple different camping snacks: jerky you made, from one of your infrequent hunts; dried fruits; some biscuits. It's not anything fancy, but it's a little better than you had for your watches at home. The fruit is certainly an improvement.

vvicissitudo You... Oops. OOOPS!! You're welling up with tears, suddenly sniffling and wiping your nose. The gesture is so... It's so small, but it's so... Ahh...

You wipe your face and smile through your few tears and kind of... cry-laugh a few times, sniffling. "I... I changed my mind, take anything you like, clean it out if you want, fuck, I..."

You take the jerky with a trembling hand, and stick it in your mouth to shut you up.

amourete At first you're scared you said something wrong. For a moment, the humorous and terrifying idea that you've somehow insulted his opulent home finds a place in your thoughts. Is that why he's crying? But this isn't the case: context saves you from fearing a social gaff, and you settle in just to sit, and unfold one of your captcha cards.

"I still don't know what you're talking about," you point out with gentleness, "but we can deal with it later. Not now."

The green card, folded into the shape of a paper cat, comes apart under deft fingers, and as soon as the form of a proper captcha card is visible, it launches a tissue box up in the air. You have to jump up to retrieve it before it falls on him.

You offer it out as you sit again. "I'll be here for a while. It's hard to stand watch alone, and right now, there's nowhere I would rather be."

vvicissitudo > Clearing your throat, you watch with soft, quiet amusement as she unfolds the card, until a tissue box is launched upwards- You jump, startled, and she catches it and offers it.

> You take some of the tissue, and wipe your face, crumpling the ball up and placing it in a pocket somewhere. "... Y-yeah. It is... I uh... Also... You asked how I keep track of the floors, here, yeah?" You look to the floor, tapping the immaculate, perfect flooring. "I uh... Built most of it myself. Everything below us I carved out and built up, and everything above us was originally mostly gutted. Meenah and I.. We've turned this place into our home. It feels... Wrong, that it's... threatened..."

amourete You let the box rest on a step, for when he needs it next. You're pretty sure he will. Hell, *you* might by the end of this, if you're not careful.

"It's hard, but it's not permanent. Meenah has endured hard things. So have you. We just have to hold onto our hope. It's hard, at times, yes - but no one said you had to do it alone."

vvicissitudo > You look to her, and you sniffle again. A violet droplet hangs off your nose, and you attempt to smile. "Y-yeah. I got you, after all... uh... Can I ask... Can I ask a question? Why... Why is this the only place you'd rather be...? Do you want to.. wait for her, when she gets back?"

amourete You almost answer, and then something ghosts across your face that stops you. You close your mouth and look down, one hand reaching for the key that hangs around your neck.

"I've always waited," you say softly. "It's been my life, and it was every one of my deaths, first of mind, then of body. I know how to wait and endure, and the thing I learned most of all is how hard it is to do alone."

You try for a smile, looking back up to him. "So yes, maybe I'll wait for her, but my first thought was 'I can't just leave him there.'"

vvicissitudo > Nope, no, nope, god, you're gonna cry again

> Only this time you lean over and you wrap your arms around her, and you wordlessly cry. You're a big blubbering mess- Meenahs gone, the kids have been gone for weeks, everyones been in danger, you've lost weight and you've just. You've been stressed and tensed and she's here, someone else is here to fill the silence, to keep you company through however long it takes Meenah to return.

amourete Yeah, okay, you should have expected that. You didn't. Sucks to suck!

You wrap your arms loosely around him, bowing your head and holding him as long as he needs. You don't cry, but your silent reverence speaks volumes on its own: every moment you're here is a prayer for Meenah's safety and Cho's recovery.

vvicissitudo > After two or three minutes of tight hugging, you move back from her, and use the tissues again, sitting in silence for a few more minutes. "... you wait here," You eventually say, softly. "I'll be right back." You put a now-steadied hand on her head and stand, metal clinking from some of your armor.

amourete That's probably the funniest thing you've seen all day. You hold your tongue for now, suppressing your giggles, and nod, sitting up straight and attentive. You can pretend to be well-behaved, really!

vvicissitudo > You're headed upstairs quickly, and downstairs just as quickly, holding steaming plates of meat on one arm, a loaf of bread in that hand, your other arm bundled around a couple of condiments (Pickles, mustard, etc). A knife clatters to the floor as it drops, and you sit down just as quick as you'd stood up.

"... I know you brought stuff, but I wanted to offer stuff to you as well."

amourete Stair picnic! You beam. "That's okay! I'm just glad you're eating something." That's the hardest part. You've been dealing with Lil eating scarcely for the past week, so it's an evil you know.

vvicissitudo > It's very hard for you to eat when you're stressed. You're sure meenah complains about it enough to others for them to know you don't eat enough- and if she doesn't, the lithe build of your frame shows off that you've lost a little weight in the past month or so- your skin sags where it shouldn't, not that Felide can tell too much without looking, you're covered much too well.

> You begin making sandwiches, being generous with the meat. "... Yeah? I mean... I guess. I ain't rememberin when i rightly ate last... what about you?"

amourete "I keep to a routine." You shrug, relaxing and laying your chin on your hands. "Habit is stronger than impulse. It's important that I keep my strength up - I have a family to provide for, and I can't allow myself to miss work or be careless. Simple as that, really."

vvicissitudo You nod, listening. You hand her a sandwich, and look to the door, fins flicking. "... You think it'll be okay?" You mumble, softly. "what if I'm just overreacting..."

amourete You thank him for the sandwich, taking it and taking a little bite first. Once you've swallowed it, then you answer: "Your partner is missing in action, and your other partner lost a limb. No, you're not overreacting. Trust me."

vvicissitudo > You blink, taken slightly aback. "Cho ain't my partner, he's my brothers. Cho an I aren't... THAT close... ... Have you talked to vis, though, speakin of... He's missin. Just... flatout gone. No words from anyone. I don't..."

You put your head in your hands again. "I don't know where he is. The connection we share says he's cold, and it's too... sharp, wherever he is."

amourete You look confused, but you let it go: It's probably Cho jumping the gun again. You don't think they'd lie, they're just a little eager, that's all.

"No, I don't know. Vici does though. He mentioned seeing Vis yesterday, but I didn't think much of it. I didn't know he was involved. I don't know about today though - I can ask?"

vvicissitudo You try to chuckle, it comes out dry. "Cho and I are good friends, but we're not... lovers, like Vis or Sally. I wwouldn't call us partners in that sense, no... but you said Vici knows?" You look to your sandwich, taking a few bites. "... Vis lives with Chosis," You say softly. "I bet he saw the whole thing."

amourete Oh you hope that's not so.

"Vici mentioned him the other day online. It could be worth asking, at least... I'm not sure otherwise. That's the only lead I have."

vvicissitudo You look down further, to your feet, your nice boots, your palmhusk laying on the floor. You've barely touched it today. There were other messages... You didn't know the handle of one, you didn't touch it. You should check those.

You sigh, and yawn a bit. "... Yeah, alright. You ask, I guess. I hope it'd be somewhat beneficial..."

amourete You give him a Look. "If you take a nap, I will. You need your rest. I'll wake you if something happens, or if we get more news - promise."

vvicissitudo > You blink your eyes tiredly to that Look, which certainly is like the ones Meenah can give you sometimes. "Don't you..." Yawn. "Don't you dare blackmail me, you... You heckin nerd." You tease, and lean back on the steps, shifting over to the side of the stairs. "I ain't movin from the stairs, though..."

amourete You unclip the day cape you wore over to the hive, simple and warm, and fold it up, placing it under where his head would fall.

"I won't make you move," you promise. "Get some good rest, okay? I'll be here."

vvicissitudo > You wrap your own around your shoulders some more, getting nice and comfortable. "... Yeah, alright. You eat that sandwich." You chuckle tiredly, and close your eyes.

> It... It takes you a while, to fall asleep. Each small noise, each small breath, wakes you and rouses you from half sleep, but eventually, you do so.

#ooc post #/#//#///#////#vvicissitudo #food ment /#grief ment /#log archives #plot: justified #amputation ment /#disordered eating /#self destructive /#child harm /#the kid's ok just hurt #it's only mentioned in passing

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