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bump1nthen1ght · 2 years

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Out of the Woods (Werewolf x Reader) Part 2

Pairing:Fem!Reader/Male!Werewolf

Genre: Rural Fantasy, Slow Burn, Fluff

Warnings: Mention of blood, Small mention of animal (specifically coyote) death, mentions of guns

Word Count: 6082 words

Summary: You begin the slow journey of sheltering a werewolf. Whether that’s a smart idea, you’re still unsure. But the two of you are stuck in this together, like it or not.

A/N: So……part two is here!!! (What do you mean its been 7 months since I’ve updated shhhhh)

But seriously, thank you for all the support over my impromptu hiatus. I was hit with pretty severe writers block on top of general life stress. I found myself disliking everything I wrote and hating the anxiety I had when I didn't. But the break has actually helped ALOT. I’m so happy with this piece and I think y’all will like it, I know you have been waiting a while! Enjoy!

(Side note, I'm thinking of writing some little vignettes about this relationship in the future. Let me know if y'all would be interested!)

Taglist: @ileavechaosinmywake @wannabewolf

@sorryimnotcreativeatall

As Heath scarfs down a whole rotisserie chicken by himself, you wonder how long your groceries are going to last.

He eats with his hands, like a drunk person desperate for a salty snack in the middle of the night. You can see that even in his human form his canines are elongated and extra sharp. They tear through the meat like a hot knife through butter. When he finds a particular piece is too hard to get with his mouth, he flicks out his claws and scrapes it out.

He’s still handsome as hell, though.

His long hair falls elegantly over his shoulder, drawing attention to his sharp clavicle and the definition of his shoulder muscles. It’s shiny and thick, surprisingly well-kept, as if he hadn’t been living in the wilderness for the last few months.

“Here,” You take the scrunchie off your wrist, sliding it across the table, “Take this.” Heath pauses his little massacre to quickly tie his hair up, just out of the way enough so he can eat unabated.

So he does know what hair-ties are.

You add that to the “What The Werewolf knows” list in your mind; His unabashedness about nudity and lack of social graces would indicate he hasn’t lived in civilization for a while, but his general know-how of kitchen appliances and a first aid kit seem to say otherwise.

“So…” You mutter, tapping your fingers on the table. Heath doesn’t even look up from his chicken. “Do you know why the hunters are after you?”

Heath shrugs, cracking a chicken bone and sucking out the marrow. “Sort of,” He says, chicken rib still in mouth, “Been told a lot about this place. This town’s got more people who know about the supernatural than usual and they have a long line of Hunters. It’s kind of known as a ‘Do Not Enter’ zone for us werewolves.” Once he’s finished with the bone, he tosses it to the side of his plate, some grease flying off and dotting your place mats. You nod, still trying to absorb the new status-quo yesterday brought.

“And you came here for?”

Heath finally stops eating, looking up at you with a big smirk. His shining canines have bits of chicken still stuck in between them, but it doesn’t make the fangs look any less menacing.

“I’m a risk taker. Ain’t no pack to hold me back, just living life out in the woods, I need to get my kicks somewhere. Plus,” He takes his last bite of chicken, wiping the excess carnage off his chin, and flexes his biceps, “I’m not a push-over.”

You roll your eyes and take a sip of your coffee, not willing to debate with his showboating. It was probably a coping mechanism anyway, given he was bleeding out on your porch less than a day ago.

“Damn, that was delicious. Got any more?”

You almost choke on your tea, eye the full carcass on his plate, and then look at him.

He’s a big guy, guess that makes sense.

“There’s some chips in the pantry. But we’ll have to wait on chicken.” Heath's face lights up at the talk of snacks, pushing himself up and jogging to the pantry. If he was a wolf, his tail would probably be wagging.

Heath has to lean down to comfortably reach stuff in your cabinets and you jerk your eyes away, forcing yourself to not look at his (very, very nice) butt. You wipe tea off your chin. “I have some chicken pot pies for tomorrow, but it’s best to hold off for now. I probably shouldn’t head back into town until we know those guys won’t come back and kill you.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Heath waves, letting out a little ‘yes!’ when he finally finds the chips. “I’ll probably leave tomorrow.”

Your mug bangs against the kitchen table as you whip around to him. “What?”

Heath shrugs, mouth semi-full of chips. “I’ll be right as rain by then. Might as well get a head start.”

“But, But, the guys-”

Heath squints, his face going cold. “I’ll outrun them.”

“You’re going to outrun three F-150’s on a bunch of back roads in their home turf? Not to mention Robert’s dirt bikes; Those guys use them all the time to hunt rabbits.” Heath rolls his eyes and you clench your teeth. You really hate it when he does that. “Just...stay here a couple days. The excitement will go down and I can tell them you took off in the middle of the night. Make the trip out of here as easy as possible.”

Heath sets down the bag of chips. “You said it yourself, you don’t have enough food-”

“I didn’t say that. I said-”

“Why do you care so much anyway?” Heath points an accusatory finger at you, “I’m not some charity case you have to worry about. Sorry you feel like you have to be the hero here, but you don’t; I’m a big boy, I can handle myself.”

The hardwood squeals as you leap out of your seat, your chair roughly pushed against the table as you point back at Heath. “I care because I like my chickens, hate those damn coyotes, and don’t want to be stuck burying your dead ass when it winds up on my property, got it?” You walk towards him, forcing Heath backwards into the counter. “Now listen,” you stick a finger into his chest, “I don’t appreciate you talking to me that way. And if you’re going to stay here, I’d like us to be on good terms. God knows it would be a lot easier for me to throw you out right now, but I won’t. Because despite that snark of yours, I’m a good person, no hero-worship needed.”

The air is thick, hot as you two stand inches from each other, chest to chest. Heath looks down, his face furrowed, before he looks to the side.

“...Fine.” Heath mutters.

You let yourself breathe. A part of you wonders if God amped up your boldness today; ____ from last week probably wouldn’t have confronted several men with guns and a werewolf on the same day. You brush back your hair and sigh, moving away from Heath to clean up his dishes.

“You should probably go to bed, you’ve had a long day.”

Heath doesn’t say anything, walking past you to the bedrooms. You tell yourself to not look back at him.

---------------

The next day, you barely see Heath at all; He keeps to his room, only peeking his head out for a quick breakfast, lunch, and an afternoon shower. An afternoon shower that completely clogs your drain with thick, white fur.

You let him have his space, the spat the two of you had leaving a sour taste in your mouth. But the next morning you wake up to a mess of dishes in your sink, another clogged shower drain, and a whole chicken skeleton on your countertop, and decide it’s now time to set some ground rules.

You knock on his door that night, oven mitts and an apron in hand. Heath opens, wearing the same pair of sweats you had given him, shirtless.

You can feel your face flush as your eyes inadvertently skirt over his defined chest, but force yourself to look into his eyes. It’s just like having a roommate, that’s all, nothing’s there.

“You hungry?”

Heath makes a half-motion to say no, but the loud growl that comes from his stomach says otherwise. He scowls a bit and you hold in laugh as he looks as he grabs his abdomen.

“.....Yes”

You nod, biting your lip and handing him the oven mitts.

“Good, because I need some help.”

---------------

Heath’s quick to learn how to properly peel and mince after a quick lesson, but he still keeps quiet throughout the whole process. You try to find the words to make small talk, but nothing seems to come to mind. Asking about werewolf stuff still feels invasive and you doubt the go-to’s of “Where’d you go to high school?” and “What do you do for work?” will help you in breaking the tension.

Still, Heath doesn’t seem angry, or even resentful. Just...quiet. You notice that he’s begun unconsciously bobbing his head to the music playing over your speaker; Even shimmying his feet back and forth. You think several times that you could ask what music he likes, but by the time you work up the courage he’s already made himself a plate to quickly devour.

You had gone with something a little heavier tonight, knowing how much he eats, but his portion still seems significantly smaller than last dinners. You hope he doesn’t feel like he has to eat less because of what you said about groceries; You don’t want him to starve.

But he cleans his plate, walking back to his room with a quick ‘Thanks’.

As you wash your dishes, you try to come up with a new plan to make him more comfortable.

Damn, this is going to be difficult.

---------------

You never love waking up in the middle of the night, especially when you're thirsty. It feels like walking around kicks you out of that sleeping sweet-spot, right on the edge of unconsciousness. Not to mention how creepy your hallways can be in the pitch-black. But the cottony-feeling in your mouth forces you out of your room, stumbling into the kitchen for a cup of water.

You’re still in a little bit of a daze, just opening the cabinet door when you hear a commotion outside that jolts you awake. It starts with quick clicks of nails on your back porch, followed by a sickening snarl and a thump as something hits your outside wall. It devolves into several yelps and growls, making you grab that faithful knife from its block and run outside.

When you open the door, there’s a final snap as you see Heath rip open a coyote's throat, thick blood splattering against your porch, reflecting the moon light.

It’s odd to say you’re relieved by the sight, having feared the absolute worst (Robert, all those men, Heath’s poor body splayed out on the hardwood). Even as Heath digs into the now-carcass, sort of gruesomely, you feel the relief wash over you.

But wait, why was he outside in the first place?

“Uh, you good?”

Heath jolts a bit, jerking away from his meal, his snout painted red. But he visibly relaxes when he notices it’s you. He gives a little nod, then goes back to picking at the remains.

You set down the knife on your porch side table, leaning your head forward to peer into your chicken coop, which lays not two feet away from your porch.

All of your girls are huddled up in the corner, feathers still fluttered, but they seem far more relaxed than you would expect. Their wobbly heads keep peaking over each other to keep an eye on Heath, who has made quick work of the coyote. He swipes his paw over his snout, barely getting any blood off as he wrinkles his nose.

“Thanks so much. I really appreciate this. But, you know…” You gesture toward the half-eaten coyote left on your porch steps. “I think those other ones will get the message, you could probably just go to bed.”

Heath just looks at you, eyes just as unreadable as when he’s human, and walks over to the coop. He plops himself in the grass, laying down his head and tucking his tail.

You’re gonna take that as a ‘no’ to your sleeping inside offer.

You sigh, about to make the long walk back to your bed when you notice a little movement from the bundle of chickens.

Georgette, your bravest girl, begins to strut away from the safety huddle. The other ladies cluck as she tentatively trots over to Heath, head bobbing as she gets closer and closer to the chicken wire. With a poke, the tip of her beak sticks in between the holes, head twitching as she eyes up Heath. One of Heath’s ear twitches, but he keeps his eyes closed, sighing as he preps for a long nap.

Georgette, satisfied with her expedition, shuffles her wings and plops next to the wire, settling downfor her own sleep. Georgette likes her chances, what with her guard dog being so close.

The rest of hens, still moving as a big flock, slowly waddle over to her and Heath. They eventually settle down, eyes closing as they press up against the wire.

The sight makes your heart nearly explode with cuteness and you regret not grabbing your phone when you hopped out of bed.

Speaking of which, a winter breeze reminds you of how underdressed you are, so you move back to the warm inside. Not before pulling up your recliner, a quilt, and a cup of water up to the back door, keeping it cracked just a bit.

You just mean to watch them for a bit, enjoy the night air and the peace. But you find yourself dozing off rather quickly, head tucked into your quilt, falling into an easy sleep.

Heath pops one eye open, watching your snoring figure curl up into the recliner.

His tail wags, just a little bit.

---------------

The next morning, you wake up with a sore neck and a cup of hot tea by your side, the sound of some dishes in the kitchen. Heath either moved to the bed last night or woke up very early, your chickens back in their hutches.

Breakfast is quiet as usual, same as the rest of the day, but when night comes Heath is back out on your porch and you're in your chair. You had the sense to bring your Switch with you this time; Not wanting to bother Heath with chit chat but also not willing to risk another crick in your neck from sleeping in your recliner.

You try to keep the volume down, not letting out your normal amount of expletives as the boss kills you for a second time. Heath’s ears are just too good however, and he turns his head when he hears you mutter a ‘fuck’.

You shrug, mouthing a ‘sorry’, and Heath just rolls his eyes. He stands up, shaking out his limbs before he nudges open the back door with his muzzle. His wolf form stands about as tall as the side of your recliner, his chin resting on the arm as he looks at the console.

“Not much going on today, huh?”

He huffs, giving the closest approximation to a ‘yeah’ as he sits down, head still resting on the arm chair. You turn back toward your Switch.

“Have you ever played this game before?”

Another huff, a ‘no’, you’re getting pretty good at reading his signals.

“It’s not that hard, I just suck ass at video games.” A cutscene starts as your character enters the battleground. You turn up the volume, the deep voice of your enemy congratulating you on making it this far. You laugh, “Bet you wouldn’t say that if you knew this was my third time, bud.”

The battle starts, background music and the clicking of buttons filling the silence. You try to keep your focus on the fight, you really didn’t need any handicaps for this boss, but you can’t help glancing over at Heath every once in a while. While you had expected him to watch, find something to pass the time, you didn’t expect his gaze to be so…entranced. His pupils were dilated and his ears flicked back and forth with the music. The boss lands a pretty gnarly blow on you and Heath sucks in a breath.

You’ve lost almost half your health and are out of healing potions. You might’ve given up at this point, ride out the rest of the battle half-heartedly and hope for a better next-time. But your audience spurs you onward, finger muscles beginning to ache as you furiously press the controller.

There's a collective sigh as the dramatic ‘GAME OVER’ flashes across the screen, then tension in your neck loosening as you set down the switch. You stretch out your fingers, knuckles red from the stress and the cold breeze blowing in from outside. A wet nose pushes against your wrist and you look down at Heath.

He’s clearly trying to mitigate his excitement, but his wagging tail tells all; He’s invested in this fight now too, and he wants you to give it another go. You smile, brushing a hand over his muzzle. Oddly, he doesn’t push you away.

“Do you want a shot?” Heath’s brow furrows, shooting a quick look towards the door. “Nothing’s come all night, I think we can spare boss battle.” Heath huffs, almost a laugh, before taking his head off the arm chair. He shakes his shoulders, body and fur already begging to ripple with the shift. Your face darkens as a blush creeps up. “Uh, you might need some clothes there, bud.”

Heath rolls his eyes but trots off to his room anyway, tail leisurely swinging behind him.

He comes out in a t-shirt too small and sweats too big and you look away before you can check him out; Stupid stubborn werewolf, being stupidly handsome.

You hand Heath the Switch and sit on the arm of the recliner, throwing the blanket over you both as he settles into the chair. The position you're in cranes your neck and spine in an awkward way, but it’s the only way you can see the screen without snuggling with Heath.

You give Heath a short run down in controls, pointing out the save area he can practice a bit in. Heath just gives you a playful smirk.

“No offense, but I think I’ve seen you lose enough times to figure out my strategy.” You respond with a little punch in the shoulder, which doesn’t move him an inch.

“Alright, hot shot. Do your worst.”

The boss music plays as the character walks in, probably wondering why they’re trying this for the fourth time, and the battle begins.

To his credit Heath is already doing way better than you. His long fingers allow for quicker reaction time and he already understands a lot of the bosses' attacks. You want to be annoyed by it, but you're too focused on the fight to even care.

“Fuck, watch out for the sentries!” You whisper-yell, Heath way ahead as his character rolls out of the way. Both of your heads crane forward when the battle moves into the second phase; It’s uncharted territory and who knows what will come next.

“How does this jackass-” Click “-have so many goddamn-”Click Click Click “-minions! God, fucking-” An unusually devoted lackey stabs Heath in the back, another attack from the boss depleting the rest of the health. “-shit!” Heath and you fall back into the chair, another “GAME OVER” flashing on the screen. Heath growls a bit, hearing the boss bid a snide remark before he respawns outside the battle.

“Oh my god, you were so close.”

“Seriously! Next time, I’m going for those minions fucking throats. No mercy.”

You chuckle, head lolling to the side and onto Heath’s shoulder. The adrenaline rush is slowly fading, your eyes feeling heavy, and you unconsciously snuggle yourself closer to his side. Heath’s body radiates heat, like a warm quilt or a space heater.

Heath nearly flinches as your hip pushes into his rib cage, the smell of your freshly-washed hair floating across his senses.

Maybe it’s the fact it’s getting late, or that he’s too exhausted from the abrupt ride of the past few days, but Heath finds he doesn’t mind it that much. It’s nice, it’s relaxing, it’s….comfortable.

The next battle is just as intense, you giving commentary to Heath’s frustrated playing. But as it goes on, you sink deeper and deeper into the chair and closer to Heath’s side, going from relaxing in the arm to sharing half of the seat. You don’t seem to notice or care too much, but Heath is aware of every moment.

It’s hard to focus on the boss with your side pressed up against him, soft and so careful. It might be the softest touch Heath has ever felt in his life, his mind overloading with how to deal with it.

He loses, swearing as he sets down the console.

“Jeez, how can you even-”

Heath turns to look at you, shocked by your head resting against his shoulder, even closer than he realized. You seem to have just slid into sleep, your breathing slow and even as your head lulls downward. Heath instinctively lags it back against his body, his heart stuttering when you snuggle deeper into him.

You’ve had a long two days as well. He’ll let you sleep.

---------------

The next morning you wake up, tucked into your bed. You don’t remember falling asleep, nor putting a cup of water on your nightstand.

All you remember is warmth, a familiar smell of pine and fur, and the feeling of someone rubbing your back.

The blush comes before you can stop it.

Oh god, I am so fucked.

---------------

At breakfast, Heath cracks the eggs, toasts the bread and cleans the pans. You toss everything together and make a semblance of a meal. It’s enjoyed in a peaceful quiet, watching the rising sun before you start your chores.

When you finish for the day, you see a tidy living room and three steaks set out to defrost. Heath sits on the couch, trying once more to beat the boss.

You give him a thanks, he says “Don’t mention it.”

The two of you sit out on the porch at night, kitchen cleaned and bellies full. Your chairs are close, close enough to share a blanket and your Switch. You show Heath some simpler platformers and a colorful rhythm game, but the two of you eventually make it back to the boss. You both lose, again.

It’s easier to fall into a routine than you’d thought; You have breakfast, get your chores done, eat lunch, then hang out until dinner and guard duty. Sometimes the two of you just sit in the living room, doing your own thing, sometimes you banter and bicker for hours on end about nothing.

You offer to brush his tail one of those afternoons and although he hesitates at first, he gives in rather quickly. You hum a background track from your favorite video game as you do, telling him all about the new method which should help you kill that boss. Heath scoffs.

“Fuck that, I could do it only my own.” He says, recline back onto the pallet you set on the ground. You roll your eyes.

“Last night says otherwise, but okay.”

Heath shifts onto his elbows, glaring at you.

“Are you doubting my abilities?”

“Yes, yes I am.” Heath throws one of the pillows at you. You laugh in shock and throw another one right back at him, hand still firm on his tail. “It isn’t good practice to threaten the one with the weapon, now is it?” You taunt, shaking the brush in your hand. Heath dramatically whimpers and pretends to cower in fear.

“Oh no, whatever shall I do.” You throw another pillow at his face. “Hey!”

Heath offers to collect the eggs and clean the hen pen in the mornings, with the excuse that it’s a way for him to get some sunlight and let out some energy. But you can hear the way he coos and makes nicknames for the ladies. Although the chickens stutter around him at first, soon they're eating out of the palms of his hand.

What a lady killer. You simper, letting yourself fall deeper and deeper.

On the fourth night you guys forego pretending to be on guard duty, throw cozy blankets and a bucket of popcorn on the couch for a movie night. Heath’s movie knowledge is tragically low (for you at least), and you intend to change that, starting with Back to the Future.

“Y’know, they actually cast another guy for Marty Mcfly.” You mutter, busting out what might be your fifth fun fact of the night.“They actually got up to six weeks of filming before they cast him. They even reused some shots and just added some close ups of Michael J. Fox to make it seem like he was in the scene.”

Heath hums, stuffing his face with another handful of popcorn. “Only you would study up before watching a movie, nerd.”

You throw popcorn at Heath's face, which he smugly catches in his mouth. You flip him off as he laughs and uses a pillow to block himself from incoming popcorn attacks.

There’s a barrier that’s been broken, whittled down over shared meals and video games. Heath doesn’t even react when you fall asleep on his shoulder near the end of the movie, your snoring surprisingly cute.

He thinks he can get used to this; You, him, the chickens, and this house. Same scenery day by day, not constantly wondering where his next hunt will come from.

If he was going to survive tomorrow.

The credits roll and Heath doesn’t move. He pulls up the quilts and runs his claws through your hair, admiring your peaceful expression. Heath let’s himself rest, let’s himself feel peace for the first time in a while.

It’s on the fifth day that the hunters come back.

---------------

You're taking out the trash when you see the pick up truck. The blue, far too big and rusted to all hell pick up truck that Robert loves to the moon and back.

A part of you says to run into the house, another says that would be too suspicious. Another part wonders if Heath is within shooting range from the kitchen window, doing the dishes as your speakers blast.

It's with trembling hands that you close the trash can, walking towards your front porch, trying to act like you aren’t about to have a panic attack. You stop at your front door and keep your hand poised on the knob. Robert steps out of his truck and you try your best to fake a polite smile.

“Morning, Robert. Dreadful weather we’re having, ain’t it?”

Robert gives an agreeable hum, brushing off his jeans before he sticks his hands in his pockets.

“Yup. Farm work’s been a bitch this week.”

His eyes glance around your porch and if you were more naive you’d think he was admiring your yard work. But you know what he’s here for, who he’s looking for.

A cursory glance to his windshield says he came alone, nobody hiding in the back or even stowing away in the truck bed. Unless he has an inside pocket or a side holster, he’s not armed either. You’re not in hot water, yet.

“Bummer. I know when-“

“Is he here?”

A vice grips your heart, hand frozen. You take a breath and lie.

“Who?”

Robert sighs, afraid that you would say something like that.

“You know who, ____”

You’re tempted to lie, lie badly, again. But you're not sure how stalling would help; Heath is in the kitchen and it would be too suspicious for you to shout. It’s time to rip the bandaid off.

“And why does it matter? This is my house, isn’t it?”

Robert rubs his forehead, a cloud of breath chilled by the morning air.

“I know what you think, but you need to listen to me.”

“Who my guests are is none of your fucking business, Robert. Not if they haven’t done anything wrong. So,” You turn the door knob, opening it just the slightest, not giving Robert a view inside the house. “Unless you come back with a warrant, I think we are done here.”

The doorframe shakes a bit when Robert slams his hand on the door, stopping you from going any further. He at least has the decency to look ashamed when you flinch, pulling yourself away from him and pressing your back against the frame. His hand relaxes, but doesn’t leave the surface of the door.

“I know you're a good person, ____.” Robert whispers, eyes darting from you to inside. “I know you think you’re doing the right thing, but that sweet heart of yours isn't helping right now. You need to hand him over.” Still keeping an eye on your house, pupils shooting back and forth for the dangerous werewolf inside, Robert takes a step back. You let yourself breathe for a second. “We’ll take care of it, it’ll be over soon and you can get him out of your house.”

The cold air brings color to your shaky breath, your shivers from fear and the cold morning slightly rattling the frame behind you. You take another trembling breath, finding it hard to look Robert in the eyes. He’s a good guy, you know he wouldn’t hurt you.

But my god, you are so fucking angry,

“Thanks for the advice, Robert.” You spit out, staring at his dirty steel-toed boots in contempt. “Anything else this poor sweet heart needs to know? Anything else I’m too stupid to see, hmm?“

You can feel heat traveling up your collarbone as you glare at Robert, feeling a tinge of satisfaction when he takes another step back. “____, I didn’t say that-”

“I know damn well what you 're trying to say, Robert. Unlike what you and your boys seem to think, I’m pretty damn good at reading between the lines.” You take a step away from the frame, losing how grounded the wood behind made you feel. Everything feels red, feels hot, and you’re too pissed for caution anymore. “So how about you tell this sweet heart exactly what she’s missing, huh? What else about my life do you know so much more about me anyway?” Robert’s boot heel crunches in the frosty grass of your lawn, looking up at you from the top of your porch steps. “Tell me what that poor man has ever done to you. Tell me that while he’s been watching over my chickens, helping me do the dishes, and enjoying the first warm meal of his life that he’s been moonlighting as a big bad wolf!” Your slippers stomp down the steps as you stick a finger into Robert's chest. “How about you tell me what else my sweet heart has blinded me too, or else I’m gonna start thinking you're telling me all this hullabaloo has been over nothing. That some dumbasses who call themselves heroes worked themselves into a fit over a rumor, and now are trying to drag me into their shit. So you better start telling some really juicy stuff right now.” You don’t know it, but you’ve pushed Robert almost all the way back to his truck, wetting your sweatpant bottoms with dew. “Because unlike you folks, I’m not going to throw anybody out in the cold and shoot them for a piss-poor reason like that.”

There’s a certain quietness to the morning. Even as your chest heaves with anger, breath pouring out in steamy clouds, the lack of birds chirping and your faucet running brings a certain peace to the scene.

Robert’s eyes are wide, his body laying it’s weight against the hood of his truck when you take your finger off his chest. His hands are clenched shut, his knuckles white and his fingertips bright red. Your anger slowly simmers back down your body and back into your chest, Robert exhaling a breath as you give him his space.

“I, I didn’t-” He mutters and you’re ready to hear another excuse. But his hands unfurl, his body slumping against the truck as he refuses to meet your eye.

The pause is long enough that you begin to feel the chill deep into your slippers, goosebumps peppering across your skin when a cold breeze goes by. Robert finally meets your gaze.

“We only saw the wolf, not him, not the man.” He whispers. “You’re the only one who knows what he looks like.” Robert straightens himself up, fidgeting with his coat and tucking his hands back into his pockets. “I can tell the guys that I chased him off, that he-he turned tail and ran when I showed up.” You see Robert's hands fidget in his pocket, pulling out his truck keys. He tosses them a bit in his palm, a fish shaped can opener looking extra bright in the sun.

“Just, come up with something. If you set the groundwork, slowly, then he could be safe, at least in town.”

You nod, taking a step back and gesturing towards Robert’s truck. He wets his lips before walking to his truck door.

You mouth a “Thank you” as Robert drives away. His smile is a tiny, sort of sad; For who, you’re not sure.

The walk back to your house might as well have been a mile; The adrenaline and the screaming has finally left you and all that’s left is exhaustion. Your hands tremble with the thought of what you just did, both from anxiety and delight. Either way, you could really go for some hot chocolate right now.

“Why?”

You’re jolted out of your own thoughts by Heath, standing in the entryway to your kitchen. His hair is tied back into a loose ponytail, his hands still wet from washing the dishes. Your brow furrows.

“What?”

“Why, why did you do that? You could’ve-” Heath’s voice is shaky, but it slowly rises in volume, “You could’ve gotten hurt, ____! He could’ve had a knife, or one of those guns, he could’ve attacked you!” Heath runs a hand through his hair, his dark claws scratching against his scalp. “You should’ve just-You could’ve just-” Heath throws his head in his hands and you can see the hint of his tail behind him. It flicks back and forth, anxious and agitated. “I don’t know what I’d do if he hurt you. What would happen to the chickens, the house? Why didn’t you just let him take me?”

You take a couple steps forward, having heard this all before. You don’t want to fight, you don’t have the energy for it. Heath is too lost in his own mind to notice you approaching. “I can handle him, any of them. It’s my fault they're here. I’m strong enough, I can protect myself. I can protect us. So why did you-”

Your hand brushes against Heath’s cheek, enough that he pauses his rant and focuses on you. You can see the slit of his eyes fading into yellow, the pupil widening into a circle when he looks at you.

With a quick movement you grab the back of his neck, pulling him down to your height and kissing him.

It’s short, a messy mash of a peck that ends as quick as it started. You can feel your cheeks burn as you look into Heath’s eyes; They’re hazy, a bit in shock. Before you can lose your courage you lay your forehead against his, whispering.

“Because I care about you, you idiot.”

There’s a heavy breath, refusing to back down from his gaze, despite the crawling nerves on your shoulders. You’ve already made the first move, finally admitted the bubbling feelings that have lingered in your heart these past few days. You can’t back down now. “I understand if you don’t feel the same way-”

To give Heath credit, his surprise kiss is far more graceful than yours.

It’s longer, his lips molding to yours without even clacking your teeth together. His hand runs up the side of your neck, pulling your bodies even closer together. You separate with a tiny pop, chests still pressed up against one another.

“I do. I do and I, I will-” Heath gathers himself, a frustrated growl leaving his throat as he tries to find the right words. “No one’s ever done anything like that for me before. But I swear to you, I will pay it forward a thousand times.”

You smile, admiring this mountain of man laying out his heart for you, acting as if he isn’t the toughest person you know.

“You don’t have to do that.”

“I know.” Heath smiles, that same cocky smile that waltzed into your town and almost got himself killed. Maybe it should be annoying, but it sets your heart ablaze. “But I want to.”

#my writing #werewolf x reader #reader insert #female reader insert #female reader #fluff #slow burn #werewolf

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eleanorfenyxwrites · 3 years

Text

All Dreams Were Worth Keeping

Part 17

[Masterpost][Ao3]

[Quick note: Sorry for the delays in updating these days, y'all. I've got a full time job now with a pretty lengthy commute and I've also got like. 4 current wips that I keep bouncing between whenever I do have time to write lol. I'm still writing, just at a much slower pace than before T-T]

-//-

With Lan Xichen gone, Meng Yao and Nie Mingjue fall quickly into old patterns. They go to work, they keep things running smoothly with their wildly different work styles. They and Nie Huaisang eat dinner together on Friday nights and Meng Yao goes out drinking with Nie Huaisang afterwards, joins him again for brunch on Sunday at their usual spot.

Some things are different, though. He spends so much time at the Nie house that keeping his own apartment becomes such a formality that he finally gives up on his pretenses and just moves in. He returns home - home - from Friday night drinks and crawls in bed with Nie Mingjue for sleepy, affectionate phone calls with Lan Xichen, so many time zones away that it’s already well into morning for him. He spends some Saturday nights out with Nie Huaisang and his friends who have, surprisingly, accepted him into their group (if he chooses the Saturdays that his half-brother isn’t in attendance then that’s his own business). The other Saturdays he spends with Nie Mingjue either quietly at home or out on dates, though none of them are quite as elaborate as their last evening with Lan Xichen had been.

Perhaps the most fun change, though, is that he and and Nie Mingjue discover that there’s something even hotter than make-up sex (which they don’t really have much need of anymore), and that’s, ‘indulging our long-distance boyfriend’s voyeurism kink with video-call sex’ sex. Any fear that Meng Yao had harbored prior to and immediately after Lan Xichen’s departure that his absence would drive a wedge between the three of them doesn’t survive for very long. While of course it’s not the same as having him home, with his gentle hands and plentiful kisses at every turn, he still manages to be very present. He texts regularly and often, and with his being so far ahead of their time zone and a natural early riser to boot, Meng Yao wakes every day with not just one but two good morning texts - one in their group chat for the both of them, and a separate one just for him alone.

By unspoken agreement, he and Nie Mingjue don’t make a habit of telling each other what Lan Xichen sends them individually. They all mostly talk in the group chat anyway - or at least Lan Xichen will text and assume that if it’s not during office hours or one of Meng Yao’s standing appointments with Nie Huaisang then a reply from either one of them is really a reply from both of them.

But Meng Yao rather enjoys having his little private conversations with Lan Xichen, and he knows Nie Mingjue does as well, whatever they talk about. With Meng Yao, at least, they’re engaging and (usually) subtly flirtatious. On the surface, they’re lovely things that make him want to melt. A little deeper down, they’re a steady reminder that Lan Xichen wants him, independent of, but included in, their relationship all together. It’s as balanced as it can be - he sees Nie Mingjue more than he gets to talk to Lan Xichen, that’s unfortunately just the nature of Lan Xichen being abroad, but he’s still very much a part of their everyday lives.

Of course, things don’t always go smoothly. He and Nie Mingjue still find plenty of things to argue about, though thankfully now whenever they happen to butt heads they make up much more quickly (and less explosively) than they used to. Lan Xichen has stretches where his schedule refuses to align enough for them to have phone- or video calls of any reasonable length, meaning they all have to content themselves with texting more than usual, which is one of the quickest ways to put Meng Yao in a sour mood.

None of it lasts forever though, or even for very long, and the summer ends in a bluster of fall storms, which soon settle into the near-constant wind and drizzle of winter without any major upsets. Whether that has to do with them growing as people or with him playing Cleansing for Nie Mingjue regularly or a bit of both, he’s unsure. But unfortunately, with the busiest part of the fall semester upon them to keep Lan Xichen tied up in endless lectures and meetings, and the winter holiday season keeping him and Nie Mingjue busier than ever with the company, Meng Yao’s mood - already low in the winter months - dips further and further the longer they have to go without all of them being able to come together properly.

“I hate this,” he mutters to himself one too-cold evening - ‘evening’, it’s 3:30pm but the sun is already setting and the heavy rain clouds are so low and dark it may as well be night. Lan Xichen had texted earlier full of effusive apologies and a request to reschedule their planned call to the weekend when he would finally have a bit of a break. It’s clear he feels guilty, considering the litany of apologies and expressions of regret in the group chat as well as the sad, sappy bits of poetry he had sent to Meng Yao in their separate chat. They’re lovely things, pining and mournful, evocative in a way he can objectively appreciate while also wishing that they didn’t drive his mood down even further.

“Hey Yaoyao,” Nie Huaisang calls from the door, where he wisely doesn’t intrude fully but merely sticks his head in far enough to catch Meng Yao’s attention. “Wei-xiong is here, said he wants to see you before he goes.”

Certainly not as welcome as a surprise visit from his long-distance boyfriend - or even from Nie Mingjue just down the hall - but he supposes he’ll have to make do with a mildly tolerable visit from the chaotic gremlin who’s attached himself even harder to Lan Wangji in the last few months (a feat no one had thought possible until they had managed it). Meng Yao has already made a deal with himself that no matter what happens he will never think of Wei Wuxian as his brother-in-law. That’s just too much.

“Fine, let him in,” he says as neutrally as he can manage, which means that Nie Huaisang looks thoroughly concerned but turns his head to mutter something over his shoulder anyway (neutrality only means he might stab somebody, it’s when his tone turns sickly sweet that those few who know better start inching out of stabbing range).

“Hiiiii,” Wei Wuxian sings as he sails into the office and shoos Nie Huaisang away with his characteristic grin so he can shut the door.

“Wei Wuxian,” Meng Yao replies, still perfectly neutral as he slips his phone (with Lan Xichen’s poetry still pulled up) into a drawer of his desk to be pulled back out and pouted over properly later. “What’s the occasion?”

“Just a visit,” Wei Wuxian says breezily in a way that snags Meng Yao’s attention in an instant. He looks away from his computer as Wei Wuxian flops down into one of the chairs in front of his desk, eyes keen and bright despite the lazy grin still on his lips. “Lan Zhan’s been super busy lately, and I’ve been feeling a little cooped up in the house, you know how it goes.”

Meng Yao has no trouble interpreting what Wei Wuxian doesn’t say - or rather precisely what he says, but entirely in subtext.

Lan Wangji is dealing with an influx of clients who require Wei Wuxian’s brand of quasi-legal assistance from the safety of their home office.

Meng Yao has, despite his best intentions, had to learn how to read Wei Wuxian. For someone as seemingly blunt as he is, Meng Yao had realized fairly early on in their…acquaintanceship that he’s much more astute than he lets on, and not only that but that much of his attitude and over-the-top dramatics are a smoke screen to make people underestimate him. Where Meng Yao uses his looks and a polite deference to attempt to be overlooked entirely, Wei Wuxian uses such irritating brashness that no one ever has the patience to look any deeper.

“I see,” he replies smoothly, properly alert now. “And the weather this time of year certainly doesn’t help with cabin fever. I wouldn’t know what to do with myself cooped up in the house so long, though I can’t say it’s been much better outside.”

I don’t have any new leads from out here, what have you found?

“Oh sure, sure,” Wei Wuxian agrees easily. He makes as if to put his boots up on Meng Yao’s desk but the wide eyed smile Meng Yao offers him makes him rethink that quickly, before he has a chance to dirty up the polished, gleaming surface with his disgusting choice of footwear. He leans forward instead after a moment and drops his voice low enough not to carry beyond the office (a feat which still surprises Meng Yao, on the rare occasions Wei Wuxian can manage to be quieter than a foghorn).

“Listen, I really don’t think you’re going to like where this is going,” he confides, all business. Meng Yao raises an eyebrow in response.

“At what point did you think I am enjoying any of this?”

“No, I’m serious - with my serious face and everything. I think we’ve reached the point where we’ve done all we can from the outside. I know I have, and I’m guessing you have, too.”

Meng Yao takes a long moment to process that, gaze fixed on Wei Wuxian’s to search for some hint of mirth, a sign that he’s making one of his shitty jokes. He finds nothing but grim determination and perhaps a hint of an apology. He takes a deep breath in and glances down when Wei Wuxian moves to pull something out of his hoodie, which turns out to be a legal size manila envelope, a little crumpled around the edges and with the return address for Lan Wangji’s firm hastily scribbled out with cheap ballpoint pen in the top left corner.

“You couldn’t find an unmarked envelope?” Meng Yao sighs and refrains from rubbing his temple with an effort.

“Oh come on, nobody’s going to see this but you and me,” Wei Wuxian retorts flippantly. “It’s not like I’m emailing you from Lan Zhan’s computer or something, and I’ve got it so tangled up in extra security it wouldn’t matter anyway. Just open it.”

Meng Yao bites back a scathing retort that just because Wei Wuxian knows security doesn’t make him immune to getting accosted and robbed - especially when he’s been tweaking Wen Ruohan’s tail for months now - but he knows very very well how useless Wei Wuxian is to argue with. Still, Meng Yao has never claimed not to be petty and so he refrains from opening the envelope long enough to pull an appropriately sized plain white address sticker from a roll in his drawer and place it just so over the poorly-scribbled out address. Wei Wuxian’s eye roll looks practically painful, so for good measure Meng Yao pulls out a black marker and meticulously covers the entirety of the sticker in strong-smelling ink.

“For the love of god Meng Yao, message received,” Wei Wuxian huffs, though he’s grinning because he’s a strange person who appreciates, in his words, ‘a stone-cold bitch’. “Unmarked envelopes from now on, I promise. Would you just open it already? I worked hard to find all the juiciest bits of gossip for you, you know.”

“This is far from the petty pedestrian gossip you enjoy,” Meng Yao replies idly as he finally does as he’s asked and opens the offending envelope to tug out the stack of papers it contains. Some of it will bear closer attention than he can afford to give it at the moment, but tucked between the pages of 10-point single spaced ramblings of Wei Wuxian’s are photos. They’re objectively terrible quality, low resolution and in greenish shades of gray and black, but the images are recognizable enough with a bit of study and squinting.

“Construction is moving along apace,” he remarks as he studies a grainy security photo of one of Wen Chao’s now-numerous properties, all acquired suspiciously quickly since that first of its kind in the summer. This particular one, according to Wei Wuxian’s messy scrawl at the top corner, is one of several that shares borders with Jin properties, though Meng Yao knows from previous intel that the borders are all unclear for anyone without the actual real estate information in front of them. There are no fences that demarcate the edges of the plots, but rather a simple copse of trees that spills into both sides, blurring the lines and making the distinction rather unnecessary in the first place.

“They’re really starting to piss me off - they’re moving more openly but only in jurisdictions where one or both of them have all the judges in their pockets. We can’t take it to any court that would do anything about it, and all my best incriminating info is pretty much illegal anyway, so we still don’t really have a leg to stand on.”

“We don’t have time to wait for them to make a mistake big enough to get them in hot water on their own,” Meng Yao murmurs mostly to himself but Wei Wuxian shakes his head in agreement anyway.

“The rate they’re going on this one I’d say it’ll be done before the end of the year, at least enough for their purposes if not the publicly stated one. And it’s not the only one, check it out-“

Meng Yao relinquishes his grip on the papers to let Wei Wuxian flick through them quickly, fingertips rustling through the corners and deftly pulling out the pictures he wants as he mutters to himself. He arranges them with only minor fumbling on the top of the desk in roughly geographic locations - and the network the Jin and Wen are building quickly takes shape.

“I’ve never seen anyone so dedicated to building ‘affordable, brand new housing for the poor’, have you?” Wei Wuxian asks rather sardonically as he leans back again, fingers drumming on his arms.

“No,” Meng Yao replies grimly, not exactly loving the reminder that he and Wei Wuxian have, however far back in their pasts it may be, a connection of sorts that no one else in their woefully overlapping social circles shares with them. Wei Wuxian doesn’t even understand everything that Meng Yao does, having been taken in by the Jiangs relatively young and enjoyed all the privileges of being Jiang Fengmian’s darling up until his disowning, but Meng Yao knows that one doesn’t just forget having to beg and scrape for food or a dry place to sleep no matter how many years pass. One doesn’t simply forget how the world at large doesn’t care enough to ever see true changes wrought on their behalf.

“There’s plenty here to work with,” Wei Wuxian continues after a long moment of Meng Yao silently looking over the evidence spread in front of him. “But recon time is over, I think. We can’t let them finish what they’re starting, we have to get their dirty laundry aired out as soon as possible.”

Meng Yao hums relatively noncommittally and continues studying the photographs, Wei Wuxian becoming increasingly twitchy and fidgety across from him the longer he goes without speaking.

“Look, if you’re not going to do anything -“

“Wei Wuxian, stop talking for five minutes of your life or I will have Mingjue come and personally escort you off the premises to burn off his temper instead of sparring with me tonight.”

“Yeah cool got it - wait you spar with Nie Mingjue?! What the fuck that’s amazing he never spars with the rest of us, why-“

Wei Wuxian cuts himself off with an audible snap of his teeth at a glance from Meng Yao, which he allows himself to be visibly smug about. He returns his attention immediately to the information Wei Wuxian had brought him, though, and his flash of good humor fades as quickly as it had popped up.

He’ll read the whole thing in detail later, but he’s never needed to sit and read a page word for word, and he uses that talent now to skim through it all.

Murder, laundering, double-crossing, human trafficking, drug rings, bribery, extortion, selling organs and bodies and anything else that may have value - the list goes on and on and on, and Meng Yao’s stomach goes sour but he keeps scanning until he reaches the last.

“I’ll take care of it,” Meng Yao says around the nausea taking root in his stomach. He promised Nie Mingjue that he would, and he will, he just wishes it didn’t have to be like this.

“Meng Yao -“

“What?”

“I’m going to help you.”

“No, you’re not.”

“Well you’re not going in there by yourself!”

“And you are physically incapable of keeping anything at all secret from Lan Wangji.”

“What does Lan Zhan have to do with anything?” Wei Wuxian asks, bewildered, and Meng Yao sighs, braces himself for the fact that Wei Wuxian is, through some miracle or perhaps some cosmic punishment, about to become roughly ten times more insufferable. (He likely won’t take the same route that Meng Yao is planning for the possibility that they’ll become brothers-in-law at some point in the future. Lan Xichen is lucky that Meng Yao loves him enough to be willing to fend off Wei Wuxian for the rest of their lives.)

“Because I do not want him to reveal anything he shouldn’t to Lan Xichen.”

“Xichen-ge?? Why?? He’s a good man, he wouldn’t judge you or anything.”

Meng Yao’s left eyelid twitches ever so slightly but he is otherwise the picture of calm, cool collection. “I am extremely aware of how good of a man he is, thank you. I do not want him to worry about me unnecessarily.”

“Uhhh..No offense or anything, but why would he?”

Meng Yao meets Wei Wuxian’s bewildered expression with an utterly blank look of his own for a long moment before he rolls his eyes and turns his attention back to the papers in his hands.

“Any nebulous possibility there was of me allowing you to help me were just thoroughly crushed by that question. You may see yourself out.”

“Ah?! Come on, don’t be like that,” Wei Wuxian whines and drapes himself forward on the desk. Meng Yao stretches a hand out towards the phone, finger hovering on the intercom button meaningfully. “No no no, don’t call Nie Mingjue to come kick my ass! Just tell me what you meant!”

“Take your hand off me if you like having fingers.”

Wei Wuxian releases his wrist immediately with a strained laugh. What happens next is something that Meng Yao will never admit was a moment of weakness, a desire to have someone in his life besides his partners and Nie Huaisang who could be (tentatively, at least) considered something of a friend. Friends tell each other these things, right?

“I meant,” he continues as haughtily as he possibly can, “That if you were remotely as observant as I would need you to be should you wish to be of any further use to me, then you would already be aware that you are not the only one who has managed to get a Lan’s romantic attention.”

“Lan Xichen?” Wei Wuxian asks and Meng Yao leans back in his chair to examine his nails as he waits for Wei Wuxian to slowly put the pieces of the puzzle in order, even though the pieces might as well be one of those enormous 6-piece puzzles for toddlers. “But he’s with Nie Mingjue, he has been for years - they didn’t secretly break up did they?”

“No,” Meng Yao sighs as if bored. “They most certainly didn’t.”

“Then what-”

“Good god Wei Wuxian, I see I’ll have to reconsider how much I’ll trust Nie Huaisang’s assessments of others’ intelligence in the future.” Meng Yao leans forward again and this time he manages to press the intercom button before Wei Wuxian can stop him.

“A-Yao?”

“Da-ge, could you please come do some pest control in my office?”

“If that’s some weird euphemism for sex you have good timing-”

Wei Wuxian lets out a wheeze like a cat with a hairball that actually manages to make Meng Yao smile, on the cusp of laughing.

“No, da-ge, it’s code for ‘Wei Wuxian requires physical removal from the premises’. He’s irritating me.”

“...Less fun than what I had in mind, but alright.”

The line clicks off again and Meng Yao leans back in his chair again, propping his elbow on the arm of the chair and his chin in his palm to watch as Wei Wuxian splutters.

“You, and-and Xichen-ge, and Nie Mingjue?!” he finally manages to squawk just as the door opens and Meng Yao offers Nie Mingjue a sweet smile that earns him an unimpressed eyebrow twitch in response.

“Oh, are we telling people now?” Nie Mingjue snarks, to which Meng Yao just shrugs. “Whatever. Let’s go, Wei Wuxian, we’ve all got work to do.”

“Work like pest control?” he shoots back slyly, still capable of teasing despite still looking a bit gobsmacked.

“If you expect anyone to believe you haven’t had plenty of sex with Wangji in his office when he’s supposed to be working -”

“Oh okay yep I’m leaving, we’re not having this conversation and if you two have done it in this chair I absolutely don’t want to know,” Wei Wuxian is quick to backtrack, hopping up off the chair in question like it burned him. “Meng Yao, think about what I said and just let me know what you decide - I’m out.”

Nie Mingjue steps aside to let Wei Wuxian dart out of the office muttering something under his breath all the while. Once he’s gone, Meng Yao relaxes ever so slightly and lets the sense of accomplishment at flustering Wei Wuxian - the incorrigible and shameless flirt - temper the disgust at the contents of the reports spread out in front of him.

“You finally decide to tell someone outside of the family about us and it’s Wei Wuxian?” Nie Mingjue asks once he’s stepped into the office and shut the door behind himself. Meng Yao shrugs a bit and orders the papers into a neat stack, sorting them simultaneously into various criteria without much conscious thought.

“I have my reasons.”

“Uh-huh, sure.” Nie Mingjue crosses the office to step up behind his chair so he can rest his hands on his shoulders. Meng Yao goes still and closes his eyes as the heat of Nie Mingjue’s broad, strong hands seeps quickly through his shirt. He rubs his thumbs slowly up and down the back of his neck and Meng Yao sighs softly. “No Xichen tonight,” he murmurs into the hush around them. “Are you okay?”

“Fine,” Meng Yao replies automatically, as he always does. Nie Mingjue knows now to wait out the lie, though, and Meng Yao has learned how to force himself to begin dropping the façade of being fine at least for his partners’ sakes. So he takes a deep breath in and lets himself sink into the feeling of Nie Mingjue’s hands on him, the comfort of his presence helping to loosen his tongue. “I miss him.”

“Mhm. Me too.”

“I can’t say I approve of his uncle deciding on and enforcing such a hectic schedule for him.”

“Lan Qiren is like that. He’s not a bad man, but he’s not exactly lenient.”

“Mm.”

Meng Yao is very good at getting information from people. He’s managed to wheedle enough about Lan Qiren out of Lan Xichen to know a bit more about him than just that he’s ‘not exactly lenient’, and as he lets Nie Mingjue rub his shoulders he studies the stack of information about Wen Ruohan and his crimes and he can’t help but wonder where Lan Qiren - just, uptight, ridiculously-concerned-with-morality-and-law Lan Qiren - finds the stomach to tolerate his generation’s sordid behavior.

“I can practically hear the gears in your head turning, A-Yao,” Nie Mingjue huffs after a while and Meng Yao mentally shakes himself out of his churning thoughts with an effort. “And why do I get the feeling that I’m not going to like what you’re thinking about?”

“Normally I would accuse you of being paranoid, but this time I believe you are correct.”

“What was Wei Wuxian doing here?”

“He had a present for me.”

“Oh? Should I be jealous?” Meng Yao laughs at that and tips his head back to look up only to find Nie Mingjue already smiling ever so slightly in response. “Well at least that made you laugh.”

“Hush. You can be jealous of Wei Wuxian if you’d like, I guess, but if you ever brought me a present like this I’d move back to my apartment before you could blink.”

“Noted. Will you tell me what’s wrong?”

“Later. Not here.”

“Not very reassuring, A-Yao.”

“I’m aware. I need to get back to work, da-ge.”

“Alright.” Meng Yao’s eyes slip shut as Nie Mingjue leans down to press a kiss to the top of his head, fingers squeezing his shoulders gently for a long moment before he withdraws. “Call me if you need anything else.”

“Mhm.”

Nie Mingjue presses one more kiss to his hair and withdraws, shutting the door to the office again behind him on his way back to his own. Meng Yao takes a deep breath in and lets everything he has to do hit him all at once, and he spends longer than he’ll ever admit in the privacy of his office with his face buried in his hands as he lets the nauseating dread grab him by the throat.

----

I know it’s late but are you awake?

I am, though not for much longer.

Are you alright?

I’m worried about A-Yao.

Oh dear. Has something happened?

No, not really. I just can’t shake the feeling that something’s wrong.

That is very vague, my heart. Are you and he keeping up with Cleansing?

He never misses, you know that. I’m telling you Xichen, something’s going on, I’m not just paranoid!

Alright darling, I only wanted to check. We have all been so busy, it would be a simple matter for something so mundane to fall by the wayside.

We’re doing it once a week, sometimes more while work has been so stressful. It’s got to be something else. Has he said anything to you?

Nothing out of the ordinary. He has seemed perhaps a touch morose of late, but he has assured me he has a tendency to grow a bit maudlin during the winter months, and that it will pass when spring returns.

‘Maudlin’. He becomes a grumpy little terror, but I suppose I’ll let him get away with saying he’s mopey. I’m taking care of him though, I promise.

I know you are, my heart, I trust you with him. Have you approached him with your concerns that something is amiss?

Not yet but I was thinking I would tonight. Wei Wuxian came to see him at work. He had me chase him out but I think they had already been chatting for a while, and I want to know what all that was about anyway.

Oh, and he told Wei Wuxian that the three of us are together, so I’m guessing it’s only a matter of time before you get a text from Wangji, probably full of his version of distress.

Oh dear. Well I suppose I had better inform Wangji of it myself before he hears whatever salacious spin Wei Wuxian will inevitably give it. He has a flare for the dramatic, I fear he will imply things about our relationship that are not entirely accurate.

Well. Maybe accurate but that probably shouldn’t be shared with your little brother. He doesn’t need to know about your sex life.

You say that as if your own little brother is not out of the house because of ours so frequently he may as well be living with Jiang Wanyin at this point.

I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that. A-Yao’s home, I’ll talk to him and let you know what he says.

Please do, my heart. Give him a kiss from me as well, please.

I love you.

I will. Love you too, talk to you in the morning.

Nie Mingjue sets his phone aside with a heavy sigh and rubs at his eyes, fighting off the wave of exhaustion that always hits him when he starts settling in for the night. He can hear Meng Yao muttering to himself over the shopping in the kitchen and he fights the urge to go help. Meng Yao had declared in no uncertain terms when he had moved in that he would ‘pull his own weight’, and that meant that if Nie Mingjue was going to insist on being in charge of cooking and cleaning the kitchen then Meng Yao would be in charge of stocking and organizing it. It’s been working out well enough so far, but Nie Mingjue had found out pretty quickly that should he ever interfere with said process of stocking and organizing it, Meng Yao becomes a bit...tetchy. Better to just stay out of his way and wait for Meng Yao to come find him on his own.

“What are you doing back here?” he asks when he finally does come to find Nie Mingjue in the armchair at the back corner of the sunroom, half-hidden behind all of Nie Huaisang’s usual indoor plants plus the outdoor pots brought in out of the cold for the winter.

“Wanted to see something green,” he mutters and rubs at his face again. “Everything go alright at the store?”

“Of course, the aunties are as helpful as ever.”

“That’s because you flirt with them every time you’re in.”

Meng Yao laughs lightly at that as he settles himself onto Nie Mingjue’s lap like he belongs there. It’s a far cry from where they’d started, with Nie Mingjue not wanting to force himself on Meng Yao and Meng Yao avoiding any contact he wasn’t expressly offered. Nie Mingjue slings his arms around his waist and leans in to kiss his shoulder in silent apology for what’s probably about to turn into an argument.

“I actually wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Oh? What is it, da-ge?”

“What’s going on?”

Meng Yao chuckles softly and slides his arms around Nie Mingjue’s shoulders to start threading his fingers through his hair in the way that Nie Mingjue likes best - a distraction, and unfortunately one that works well on him when he’s tired.

“That’s a very broad question, da-ge. I thought you had something specific in mind.”

“It’s only broad if you make it so. I’m not stupid, I know something’s happening.”

“I didn’t say you’re stupid, da-ge,” Meng Yao soothes instantly with a kiss to his forehead. “I’ve got lots of things going on, what is it you want to know about?”

“What did Wei Wuxian bring you earlier?”

“Some research I had him doing for me in his downtime. He was saying a few weeks ago that he gets bored easily, I asked him to look into a project I’m working on.”

“A project.”

“Mhm.”

“Not for work or else we’d have him on the payroll, or you’d be slipping him cash which I know you’re not doing. What project?”

“Where’s this coming from?” Meng Yao asks, and Nie Mingjue will never claim to be the best at picking up social cues, but he’s able to read Meng Yao well enough these days to hear the hint of warning creeping into his voice. His fingers are still steady and gentle in his hair, his posture relaxed, but there’s tension in his voice all the same. Nie Mingjue hates to upset him, but he knows from that tension that he’s on the right track, so he has to keep pressing.

“I’m worried about you. Just tell me what’s going on, A-Yao. What project are you working on with Wei Wuxian?”

“An art project.”

“Bullshit. You already said it was research for a project you started, A-Yao, don’t start lying just because I’ve caught you in something.”

“You haven’t caught me in anything,” Meng Yao huffs and now he’s definitely getting irritated. Nie Mingjue tightens his grip around his hips and leans back in the chair to look up at him perched in his lap, taking note of the slight pucker between his brows, the pinched set at the corners of his mouth.

“Out with it. I don’t care if what he’s doing for you is illegal like most of his stuff tends to be, I just care that you’re alright.”

“I’m fine, Mingjue.”

Nie Mingjue, as he had earlier at the office, says nothing. Rather he waits patiently for Meng Yao to remember that he doesn’t have to pretend for him, waits for him to force himself to break through the walls he’s spent a lifetime building. It’s a visible struggle, his eyebrows drawing closer and his eyes going sharp beneath them. He can glare all he likes, Nie Mingjue has seen worse, and contrary to popular belief he is capable of being patient.

“I said I’m fine!”

Alright maybe not as patient as he should be.

“And I said to stop lying!”

“Why are you interrogating me and accusing me of lying all the sudden? Let me up, I want to go get changed out of my work clothes,” Meng Yao huffs and he struggles for a few moments against Nie Mingjue’s hold, but Nie Mingjue keeps his arms locked tight. Meng Yao gives up quickly with an aggravated noise in the back of his throat and a half-hearted punch to Nie Mingjue’s bicep. “Mingjue!”

“Tell me what’s got you so off-kilter and I’ll let you go.”

“You’re holding me hostage now? You can’t possibly be serious.”

Nie Mingjue just looks up at Meng Yao, mouth set in a grim line of determination, and Meng Yao tips his head back with a long-suffering sigh in the direction of the ceiling.

“It’s to do with Wen Ruohan.”

The name is a shock to his system as it always is, a quick rush of fury and pain that makes him grind his teeth as the ache in his heart where his father used to be hurts as much as it had the day they’d lost him.

“What about him?” he manages to get out and Meng Yao huffs a sigh again, but he still slides his hands down out of his hair to start massaging his jaw and cheeks with his soft fingertips, doing his best to help him unlock the muscles.

“Shh, Mingjue, relax. It’s information that you’re better off not knowing until after everything is over, alright? Trust me.”

“It’s not an issue of not trusting you, A-Yao!” Nie Mingjue snaps.

“Okay, da-ge,” Meng Yao is quick to soothe, still massaging his jaw for him despite the lines of tension in his own face and shoulders.

“You agreed you’d tell me anything I need to know about all this, but it’s been months and since that fucking dinner party you haven’t breathed a word even though I know you’ve been doing something! I want to know what’s going on!”

“We agreed that I would tell you anything I felt you needed to know, and there hasn’t been anything yet! Let me up.”

Nie Mingjue holds on for another moment or two as Meng Yao fights to extricate himself from his grip, but when Meng Yao looks down at him with a threat clear in his eyes he releases him with a scowl etched deeply in the lines around his mouth. Meng Yao hops up instantly to storm off, aggressively straightening out his shirt with a huff as he goes.

“We’re not done talking about this!” Nie Mingjue shouts after him. Meng Yao just keeps walking, and after a few moments Nie Mingjue can hear his quiet footsteps overhead on his way to their room. He stays there for a while longer in the quiet, close hush of the sunroom, all the plants under their soft lights to help them keep growing and stay alive in the cold. He gets up and goes around the room to check on all of them - Nie Huaisang had cried over the fern he’d ruined during his last episode and Nie Mingjue had foolishly promised to take care of all the other plants for him for a while to make it up to him. Once satisfied that they’ll survive through another night he leaves the room to head down to the end of the hallway where no one goes, his footsteps heavy.

Lao Nie had been a good father. There’s hardly anyone left who remembers that time anymore, but Nie Mingjue does, and he makes sure that Nie Huaisang does as well. Nie Mingjue reaches the end of the hallway and he stops outside the door for a moment to rest his forehead against the wood and he pretends for just a moment that he can hear his father on the other side of it. There had been a time when hearing his father nearby had meant hearing him laugh, or yelling playfully threatening taunts at his sandbags as he boxed to make Nie Mingjue laugh, or hoisting Nie Huaisang up on his hip to teach him about birds or sing him a song.

Nie Mingjue opens the door to his father’s old room and forces himself to remember that those days are long gone now. Even before he had died, Lao Nie’s final years had been full of his worsening temper and a paranoia that had turned him into an entirely different man. By the time he had died he’d been practically unrecognizable.

The room smells musty and unused, and so after Nie Mingjue clicks on the light he forces himself into the familiar space and crosses the room to open up the windows where they look over the roses in the back garden. It’s really too cold to have them open like this, but Nie Mingjue doesn’t like the idea of his father’s memory becoming solely associated with a musty old bedroom and a madness no one had been able to stop.

He can’t help but feel lost standing there in the middle of it. He’d come in here a few weeks after the funeral - the man who helped manage their personal assets had said it would be good for him to come and find if there was anything important hidden away in here, anything Lao Nie might have tried to squirrel away from the threats he had started to see everywhere towards the end. And to the man’s credit, Nie Mingjue had found things that Lao Nie had decided were important, but when those things turned out to be his and Nie Huaisang’s childhood drawings, locks of hair from their first haircuts, photo albums of all of them that Nie Huaisang’s mother had made as her health had declined and kept her in bed most of the time...Nie Mingjue had discovered that what the man wanted was jewels, property, secret treasures he could take and sell off for his own gain in the midst of Nie Mingjue’s grief.

That was the day they’d discovered that he inherited his father’s temper, and that had terrified him so much that it had taken him years to step foot in the room again, as if the family madness was something he could worsen just by being in proximity to its most recent victim.

He still can’t bring himself to do anything with the room. He knows that he should - it’s his house now, and no matter how long he keeps his father’s things as he left them, he’ll never come back for them. Nie Mingjue knows that. He knows that. But he still can’t stand the thought of it. He’s tried a couple of times before, when he was feeling particularly steady, to come in and start cleaning stuff up. But when it comes time to actually start moving things, start going through them and deciding what to keep and what to get rid of for good, he just can’t.

“Da-ge?”

Nie Mingjue pauses where he’s studying his father’s collection of watches laid out in their tray on his dresser. None of them tick anymore, their batteries all died a long time ago, and he’s thought before about getting them cleaned and repaired, wearing them himself. But this is where they belong, waiting for his father to come back and put them on again. He rests his knuckles on the dresser on either side of the wooden tray he had carved all by himself to gift him one Father's Day, and he wants Lao Nie back so desperately it makes tears spring to his eyes.

“What is it, A-Yao?”

Meng Yao says nothing but Nie Mingjue doesn’t look up to see why. After a few long moments there’s the quiet whisper of socked feet on carpet and the creak of the windows as Meng Yao pulls them shut again against the cold and the light rain that’s picked up outside. Nie Mingjue exhales when Meng Yao’s arms wrap around his waist from behind next , his cheek pressed to his back as he holds him tightly.

“Do you want me to make dinner tonight?” Meng Yao asks quietly after a while. “You’re shaking.”

“My father loved that kitchen, you know,” he replies and Meng Yao goes still. “He used to make all kinds of stuff, anything he could imagine. He was a terrible cook, actually, but he was always so happy to do it that none of us had the heart to tell him, not even A-Sang’s mom, Lu Jin. When he started getting worse, that was the first thing he stopped doing. He would get so upset, say that anyone could sneak up on him in there and use any of his knives to stab him in the back or slit his throat. I started cooking for us instead even when he would go through his good spells, and he never said anything about it. That’s when I knew things were getting bad, if he didn’t even care about that anymore. But even when he was at his worst he never broke anything in there. He’d break anything else in the house, he’d come after me or A-Sang, but he never broke a single dish, nothing.”

Nie Mingjue forces himself to take a deep breath in as Meng Yao slides one hand up from his waist to rest over his sternum, small and warm and comforting.

“And I swore to myself after he died that I’d never go down the same road, I’d never become like him, but I can’t even do that, I can’t -”

“Mingjue,” Meng Yao soothes, his voice soft in between gentle kisses to his shoulders. “You’re not your father, and Xichen and I won’t let you slip away. You can’t compare yourself to him like that, it won’t do you any good. Don’t keep score.”

Nie Mingjue straightens up to turn around in Meng Yao’s arms. He reaches up to cup his partner’s face in his hands, strokes his thumbs over the soft curves of his cheeks, and he leans down slowly to press their foreheads together, his eyes sliding shut as he does.

“I need you to tell me what’s happening with Wen Ruohan.”

Meng Yao takes a shuddering breath of his own and tips his head back to press a slow, chaste kiss to his lips, as if unable to resist him so close. Nie Mingjue melts into it with a soft sigh and reminds himself that Meng Yao was right - he’s a different man than his father was, and he has more help and support than Lao Nie ever managed to find. He’ll be alright one way or another.

“I need you to fire me,” Meng Yao murmurs against his lips and this time it’s Nie Mingjue’s turn to freeze. Meng Yao pulls back enough to look up at him, his eyes wide but full of determination despite the fear clearly lurking in them. “It has to be loud, word has to get around that you’ve thrown me out, that I can never come back. You’ll have to humiliate me. Can you do that?”

“No,” Nie Mingjue replies instantly, horrified by the prospect of...tossing Meng Yao aside, of running him off, sending him away - even if it’s mostly for show. “Where the hell is this coming from?!”

“I have to go work for Wen Ruohan, and I’ll need him to trust me.” Nie Mingjue’s hands turn harder on Meng Yao’s jaw, fingertips digging in as his lips practically twist into a snarl, but Meng Yao doesn’t even wince. He meets his gaze steadily, still full of the kind of fierce determination Nie Mingjue had initially been so captivated by. “If he thinks you’ve hurt me, he’ll think nothing of ordering me to hurt you. If he thinks he can use me as a weapon against you I’ll be able to get closer to him that much sooner and then all of this can be over.”

“I’m not firing you, A-Yao! And you’re not going to go work for fucking Wen Ruohan!”

“Either fire me of your own will, or I’ll find a way to force your hand,” Meng Yao replies, his voice too hard, too steady. “I won’t leave without making sure someone else can step in and help you, but I can’t work for you anymore. Just think it over.”

Meng Yao extricates himself from his grip then, slowly and carefully, and Nie Mingjue can only watch as he leaves, still calm as anything as Nie Mingjue is left to stand alone in the room that remains as a shrine to his father and wonder what the hell he’s supposed to do now.

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#the untamed fanfic #3zun #Nie Mingjue #Lan Xichen #Meng Yao #Modern AU #I know I've fiddled around with the timeline quite a bit what with MY already playing Cleansing for NMJ and everything #before the actual 'sunshot' campaign part of things #but oh wellllllll I can do what I waaaaaaaant lol

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vydante · 4 years

Text

Restart | 12

Fandom: Marvel

Pairing: Avengers x Male! Reader (romantically: multiple)

A/N: Missed y'all. I don't think I'm officially off of my hiatus, but I somehow managed to pull a chapter out of my ass after months of radio silence. I really did back myself into a corner with the last chapter, but hey, this is my story and I get to pace it however I want.

Sorry if things are worded weirdly, I'm writing them but they're going through one ear and out the other when it comes to comprehending what I actually wrote. No one will remember what happened, but that's okay. God, I really need a beta-reader... Anyways. Love y'all. XOXO.

Also, sorry if any of the formattings seems off. HTML doesn't really translate well over certain sites. (Tumblr, Quotev, Wattpad, and AO3 are now my main places for posting my works. Anywhere else, that's not me nor was it permitted by me.)

If you want a recap: You're in the process of jumpstarting Project Renaissance after realizing that you've just been doing basically nothing ever since you woke up in your old body. You've also taken to making video logs to report down your progress, and in the last chapter (that was in the POV of multiple video logs), it ended on a cliffhanger with Barnes being discovered and moved to a safe house.

This chapter takes place roughly after the last one.

If you're currently binge reading this story, this recap is only because last chapter was updated... Roughly more than 7 months before this chapter. So. Yeah. :D

Oh, and let's pretend that either A. Barnes doesn't have a tracking chip in his arm OR B. he did, but you got it out during the whole rescue-escapade. That's my bad, I straight up forgot about that possibility until I was like, close to 4000 words deep into this chapter. Now we're at roughly 8k+... Hehe. Whoops.

_______

You're not gonna call Barnes, Bucky.

There's a personal touch to the nickname that bothers you. How awful it sounds in your ears, to call the former husk of a man a name he no longer recognizes. There's history to that name, both on writing and in memory, though only in sparsity. Plus, it'll be difficult for you to associate Bucky to Barnes. A man with an identity to a man without.

So after the whole debacle of getting him out of the mini-Hulk playbox and into decent dry clothing, when he asks what his name is, you quietly debated to yourself what to tell him.

"... Your name is James Buchanan Barnes," you'd eventually reply.

He doesn't comment on the resignation in your tone, but you're confident that he certainly noticed it- surely, the ticks of being the Winter Soldier was still there, no matter how disoriented he must be. But whether courtesy was something that he hadn't forgotten whilst his brain was refried over and over like leftover KFC wings or he was simply too exhausted to ask, you didn't care.

Granted, for a man who should have a lot of questions on his mind, he's definitely proven himself to be a man of very few words.

An hour goes by, and in the midst of you trying your best to build a solid standing between the two of you, he's said so few words that you could probably count all of them on both of your hands.

If it weren't for the nods of affirmation, you'd think that his averted gaze from you would have meant that he wasn't paying attention at all, but honestly, you knew better than to judge him for that if he actually wasn't actually listening in the first place.

Hell, he could tear up the walls to the high heavens and you still wouldn't hold him against it, so you were just thankful that he was so docile, for someone who could snap your neck if he felt so inclined.

Though, as it turns out confusion and disorientation wasn't the actual reason why he was being so docile, you belatedly realize as you're stood in front of a blank-faced Barnes. You're in the middle of trying to give him a basic tour around the house when he quietly interrupted your monologuing.

"Mission parameters," you echoed his words, though mainly to yourself. He nods, and for once meets your eyes. There's neither confidence nor surrender in his eyes, and that makes your stomach churn. Chances are, he probably saw nothing wrong with asking such a thing.

"You want me to give you- mission parameters. Like- like your handlers would?" You laughed incredulously, but the humor was replaced with subdued hysterical horror.

You were aware of what they were. Aware of the types of hunts his Handlers- bastards- would sick him out on. Aware of what he did without a second thought. You saw those files, if only briefly. That was more than enough for you to see the type of expectations that came alongside "mission parameters".

He nods as if you were stating the obvious.

God.

You opened and closed your mouth, and for a split second, once you got past the horror of being asked to tell him what to do, a subtle realization crawled up your spine. In the midst of your impromptu introduction and briefing, you never really made a distinction as to what role you were supposed to play in all of this.

So it shouldn't be a surprise for Barnes to assume that you're his new- what? Handler? Caretaker? After all, as far as you can assume, that's probably all he knows; all he was conditioned to grow accustomed to, to expect his every move to be dictated by some outsider with no care to the wants or needs that Barnes has.

(Hell, if you were to make a reach right now, maybe Barnes thinks he doesn't have wants or needs. That he shouldn't.)

(In the background, a part of you simmer in silence.)

With your jaw clenched, you make an effort to make your voice as even as can be when you ask him, "You don't need mission parameters, Barnes. You're your own free man. You can- can make decisions on your own. You don't need me to tell you what you need to do."

Pray as you might, there's something about realizing that you said the wrong thing right after saying said words that make you wonder what you did to anger the higher powers that be to put yourself in the situation you're in right now.

Barnes doesn't say anything, but his eyes says it all. Confusion. Realization. Grief. Detachment. His metal hand clenches, and you're man enough to admit that it made your heart stutter in fear.

"I...", he mutters, "... don't understand."

You swallowed.

This...

This is gonna be tough.

_______

It's difficult to explain what self-autonomy and freedom meant to a man who is only capable of remembering being chained and held on a leash like a rabid dog.

Thankfully, it was your winter break, so you had a manageable excuse for being away from "home" for a few days, but you only had so long to try and establish to Barnes that you're not going to be able to be there with him as often as you are now (and even then, the time frame was too small to even make any sense of attachment).

You knew for sure you couldn't always be there for Barnes, so one thing was certain: he had to meet DAHLIA. And thankfully, since the whole safe house was yours, not even your father knew that DAHLIA, your own A.I., would be uploaded into the houses' built-in hardware.

(While the hardware was built with the intention of housing J.A.R.V.I.S. there as a standard, he ended up "moving out" the moment that the house became yours. Something about "not intruding on a teenager's privacy", but you're more than thankful for Tony's afterthought, even if you did end up taking slight advantage of his consideration.)

And surprisingly enough, Barnes wasn't really bothered by the concept of DAHLIA as much as you had initially expected. Of course, he didn't really talk to her, but it wasn't like he talked much in the first place.

(On a side note, it looks like DAHLIA seems to like the house, all things considered... So there's that.)

(The original DAHLIA was never installed here, instead she ended up "living" in a retirement house of sorts in a wooded area of New York. She never said anything about the house, so it's... Kind of endearing, to see that she actually might prefer this house instead. And mildly insulting, considering you personally decorated the other house.)

You ended up spending nearly the whole night trying to establish even the most basic of guidelines: use the bathroom whenever he needed to (you initially said phrased it as "wanted", but he promptly cut you off saying "The Asset does not have wants," which, rude, but also sad); whatever is in the kitchen is available for him to eat whenever, where ever; basic hygiene; and the most important one- if he had any questions, his first source would be you. And on the off-chance that you're not available, DAHLIA is always online and ready to help.

He gave a tentative nod, but you're somehow not confident that he might have interpreted it wrong. You're hoping he doesn't do anything to prove you right.

"Alright. So. Any questions?"

He stares at you for a beat too long before shaking his head.

He's still giving non-verbal answers for the most part, but it's better than nothing. You internally sighed and motioned him to follow you deeper into the safe house.

Considering that it was already pretty late by the time you managed to beat those guidelines into his head (maybe that should be worded better, but you never claimed to be a lyricist; it is what it is), he might be just as tired as you are from how long the day has been.

(Granted, this dude has been "asleep" for who knows how long, but it's the thought that counts.)

"You know where I'm taking you to?" you asked, not really expecting an answer from him.

"No," he responds from behind you. Color you surprised.

You turned into the hallway and stepped up to an unassuming door. You opened it to reveal an equally unassuming bedroom. Muted colors, modern design; it reeked Pepper's doing, knowing that Tony isn't as decoratively-inclined as she is.

Hah, bet she didn't expect that instead of housing you or your dad, it'll go to a super-solder that wasn't Steve instead.

(Not that Steve would ever have a reason to step foot in here, but in this line of work, you'd be stupid to be 100% sure about something.)

You motioned him to come into the room and tilted your head to the bed.

"This is your bedroom, pretty much where you'll be sleeping. There's a bathroom right over there," you motioned to the door adjacent to the entrance door, "and I'll be in the room right next to yours."

Barnes takes a second to process it all, and with a quick scan of the room with calculating eyes, he nods. You absentmindedly scratched the back of your neck.

"I mean, there's plenty of rooms here so if you don't like this one, just let me know and we'll probably move you to another room-" you rambled, secretly trying to get a move on so you'd finally get some shut-eye.

(What? You're not perfect, sleep is heavily slept on in this day and age. Hah.)

(God, you're definitely going to hell.)

"-and you know how to use a toilet, right?"

The raised eyebrow pointed at you definitely proves that that was a pretty stupid question, but hey, you can't take any chances. You shrugged, a tired smirk threatening to form on your lips.

"Well then. Can I leave it to you to settle down for the night, or...?" you left it open-ended.

He didn't say anything in response, only stared at the bed in front of him. There was a pregnant pause, but he nodded at you. There was a strange tilt to his eyes, but you didn't bother to think further into it as you were just thankful that you could finally rest.

"Well then, good night Barnes. I'll come by tomorrow morning and we'll continue to, er," you thought about it, "work, on your situation."

You made a swift exit out of his room and immediately into "your" room, which was literally right next to his. You immediately discarded your clothes and with a brisk shower and teeth brushing, you promptly dropped straight onto the bed with an audible grunt, wet hair soaking straight into the pillow.

Pulling the plush duvet to cover your body, you reached for your phone to check for any messages you might have gotten.

(3 from Tony; he asked where you were. You told him that you're staying at a safe house and that you needed a small break. It wasn't wrong, but definitely an omission of truth. A few days would be fine, right?)

(2 from Rhodey; it's a picture of a Goodwill's, and there's a silhouette in a nearby window of some guy. "This you?" he asks. "No ❤️," you sent back.)

(63 is from the group chat that the Avengers are in- ah, make that 64 and counting. It's just a bunch of nonsense from what you can gather, but you briefly scrolled through it anyways.)

Turning your phone off, you smushed your face into the pillow and sighed, a terrible knot forming at the pit of your stomach. With an open ear, you tried to hear any noise that could come from Barnes' room, but considering that the walls were reinforced and he was already quiet as it is, all you could hear was the AC running in the background.

"DAHLIA," you huffed, eyes drooping, "keep an eye on him, wake me up if anything happens."

"Got it," her voice echoes from the ceiling speakers.

You quietly tucked yourself in bed. As the exhaustion finally started settling in your body, the last thought that lingered in your head was "Man, I hope nothing bad happens tomorrow," before you drifted right off to dreamless slumber.

_______

The next day was, to say the least, a little disconcerting, but a bigger improvement to be sure.

Right after waking up, you begrudgingly put on some daytime appropriate clothes and stepped out into the hallway. You knocked on the door that was right next to yours, and gingerly opened it when you didn't hear much of a response.

"Good morning," you tentatively greeted. Barnes was sitting at the foot of the bed when you knocked on his door. He mumbled back a greeting and stands up to your eye level.

His clothes are still the same from last night, and judging by the clean state of his bed, he either woke up earlier than you expected or he was sat like that the whole night.

You're not too keen on finding out which was the case, but you had to.

"Sleep well?"

You stepped out of the doorway and motioned him to follow you. Briefly glancing down at your phone to see just a few messages waiting for you, you opted to ignore them for now.

"I slept."

He quietly stated from behind you. He avoided saying if he slept well or not, but at least the damn Terminator slept. You mentally deflated a little; the bar was set so low for him, you're not too sure who it's more insulting to- you or him.

(Of course, it's to him, that shouldn't be a question. Your feelings don't matter.)

"We're gonna have to wing this a little, but uh, here's the general gist of what's gonna happen."

Stepping into the kitchen, you're taken aback to last night as he tentatively stands across from you from the kitchen island. Really, you'd opt to go to the living room, but you both radiate too much nervous energy to really sit.

You opened the refrigerator and sighed when all that greeted you was water and non-perishables. Right. You just got here, it's not like there's gonna be freshly stocked food in here 24/7.

"DAHLIA, order some fresh food and get it delivered today. Charge it on my debit," you mumbled quietly.

DAHLIA doesn't say anything, but the refrigerator lights flicker a familiar green hue that keys you in that she heard you. You raised an impressed eyebrow; what an unnecessary feature for a refrigerator to have. You closed the door and turned around to face Barnes.

"I'm here to serve as, say, a guide for," you gestured to him, "your... rehabilitation, of sorts."

"For now, I can't really offer any... Professional help, on a technical level. I'm not- that's not my area of expertise. I'm an engineer at heart," actually, you really liked other things more than being an engineer, but your fate of becoming the CEO of SI was sealed the moment you decided to live with your dad, "so we're going to have to make a compromise on that."

You shook your head.

"If you were anyone else, I'd point you to a shrink," Barnes gives you a confused stare.

"Therapist," you clarified. He nods.

"But quite frankly," Zemo's face flashes in your memory, "I don't trust anyone to properly... Well, I don't trust anyone when it comes to the mental health of you, and the Avengers too, of course."

Pausing mid-rant, you raised an eyebrow at him.

"You... do know who the Avengers are, right?"

He nods and begins to rattle off a pre-scripted monologue. His eyes are blank as he started speaking.

"A group of top priority, compromised of highly skilled individuals, enhanced or otherwise specified. Threat priority ranges from 5 to 9. As of now, 6 active-duty members and 1 reserve member. The Asset is to not engage under any circumstance and reveal-"

"Alright alright, I get it- that's," you're a little offended that you're considered a "reserve member", but that's not technically wrong, "That's a lot to unpack there, but yeah. You- whew, you definitely know who the- we are."

(You've gotten into the habit of distancing yourself from the Avengers the moment that you had become CEO. You're still working on that, but the word "we" still feels wrong on your tongue.)

There's a little more life that came back to Barnes' eyes after you had snapped him out of it, and it's a bit surreal knowing that Barnes just kinda... runs on autopilot when prompted. The image of Barnes being strapped down in a chair and forced to learn and recite those kinds of things by heart is both horrifying and a little funny.

(Do you think they had a set curriculum he had to learn by?)

"So yeah. The Avengers gotta be careful when lookin' for shrinks, and so do you. There's just too many factors that go into gettin' a personal therapist. So for now," you shrugged, "you're stuck with me."

"What are they?"

"Hm?"

"The factors."

You shrugged.

"Well, for starters, you're- you were, HYDRA's prisoner," the muscle around his jaw visibly clenches when you mentioned HYDRA, but you powered through, "so they'll definitely be interested in getting their fight dog back. They're good at blending in and good at getting their musty little fingers into every nook and cranny. I wouldn't put it past them to have one of their agents go undercover as a therapist for hire. So that's one factor: trying to discern who is and isn't HYDRA."

You raised a finger.

"Then there's the fact that because you're such a... shall we say, top priority, er, asset," that word runs bitter on your tongue, "even if your shrink isn't HYDRA, they'll definitely be targeted by HYDRA if it ever came to light that they have a direct link to you. So there's reason number two: loose ends, and the risks that come with it."

You raised another finger. By now, Barnes has a hard but contemplative curl to his lips.

"And then not to mention how unique your case it. Barnes, you've been a POW for decades. Your brain- no offense buddy, but from what I can tell, it's been fried to hell and back. I don't even have to do any fancy brain scans to know. And that's not even including all the other stuff they probably did to you, only God knows."

You shook your head.

"There's too much at risk for you to get proper therapy right now. But. It's not impossible."

You think back to Shuri, and how she and the other Wakandan scientists were successful in both removing the trigger words and rehabilitating Barnes.

Well, you're not sure about the last part, since you never interacted with the Barnes of your time, but you'd assume that they did help with his subsequent mental health. You wouldn't really put it past them- T'Challa was a nice guy, from your limited interactions with him way into the future, and Shuri was buzzing with ideas and energy. If T'Challa's sympathy for Barnes wasn't enough, then Shuri's crave to help and experiment would supplement the balance plenty. Vice versa, too.

So yeah, future-Barnes' mental health was most likely addressed during his time in Wakanda. And it was almost guaranteed to have been a success.

So you're still gonna hold a torch for the possibility that Barnes' can come out of this as a relatively well-adjusted guy.

Not to mention B.A.R.F. As far as you know, the R&D team assigned to that was still progressing smoothly, but the only downside to that was that it wasn't going to be until a few more years before it's "perfected".

You were never really involved in any way with B.A.R.F. since you were both prepping for SI and finishing college. Your dad was definitely more involved in it than you were, but it's not like you could ask him to pull a few year's worths of experimentation and knowledge out of his ass and exponentially boost the rate of B.A.R.F.'s progress, so.

Helen Cho suddenly sprang to mind, but you quickly threw away that thought. Your- well, Barnes'- issue was neurological, Cho was all about cell regeneration and is a geneticist. So unless somehow the issue crosses over with Cho's line of work, she wasn't a possibility either. There was also Strange, but as far as you've heard the man was pretty... abrasive, even as a wizard. Hard to get a hold of, and very... Hard-headed.

Well, all of that was second hand since it came from Tony, but still. Maybe you could pull Tony in for some clout, but that'll just make him suspicious. God, maybe you shouldn't have kept the whole "I'm actually from the future" spiel a secret, otherwise you wouldn't have to be doing all this crap alone.

Oh well. In for a penny, out for a pound.

You sighed, already feeling the dull thump against your skull starting to form.

"So what now?" Barnes asks. He's less tentative than he was last night, but still soft-spoken when he talks.

"Well, you're stuck with me, bud. I'll do my best to get you prepped for the actual rehabilitation, but honestly, that might take a little longer than you'd expect. So, we'll just- well."

You eyed the outfit he was donning, which was literally your clothes- so it was a few sizes too small for him. He doesn't really seem bothered by it, and if it weren't for the fact that he's sort of proved himself to be neglectful of voicing his own preferences, you'd be a little more inclined to appreciate the view of one very, very beefy super-soldier.

But alas.

Life never really works in your favor, so.

"We'll need to get a few essential things out of the way. Food is already on its way, I assume you aren't allergic to anything?"

He pauses, and there goes that familiar glaze forming over his eyes. You sigh, knowing that he was probably searching through his mental "data-bases" for any allergies, but thankfully it's not long as he blinks back into attention.

"None."

"Yeah, I could'a figured, what with your super-soldier serum."

(You're pretty sure that also makes him immune to cancer, but maybe that's just you glorifying it.)

"So: the food situation is cleared. Now, we need to get you some new clothes because, uh, those don't look very comfortable."

"Comfort does not matter. I am adequately dressed."

You snorted. Maybe it's better that you don't tell Barnes that he's wearing a Sharknado tee and some sweats that have "Eat this!" printed on his behind.

(And maybe it's better that you didn't remember that yes, these are indeed still your clothes.)

"Comfort does matter, my guy. DAHLIA, take some quick measurements."

The kitchen light dims and brightens, shining lime green into the kitchen. It lingers and turns back into that white-blue that sometimes makes your eyes burn when you've been up for too late into the night.

"Seargent Barnes' measurements are now on file. You two want to see the available catalog?"

Right where the kitchen island was, a panel opens up to reveal a hologram of a bunch of articles of clothing, all of which has been adjusted to Barnes' size- or an approximate at least, since there's some that's labeled X or XL.

"Barnes? You got anything you want to do right now or...?"

You gestured to the hologram in front of you.

His face contorts a little, not too noticeable at a quick glance. He doesn't look uncomfortable per se, but judging by the downwards curl of his lips, he's definitely not excited to see the hologram.

You flicked your wrist and it disappeared just as quick as it appeared. Strangely enough, his expression doesn't loosen up as his eyes flicker upwards to yours.

"Hey, that's okay. If it's the hologram, that's no biggie, we'll just move over to the, uh, TV in the next room over. C'mon."

You jerked your head and motioned him to follow you. His face laxes and he walks behind you without a word.

_______

You two ended up getting a lot done all things considered.

Barnes seemed pretty bothered by how many clothing choices there are, but when you asked if he wanted you to just curate a list for him, he easily relented. He was hovering over you the whole time, but you weren't too bothered by it as you were too busy browsing for him.

You went from site to site searching for clothes that screamed "The Winter Soldier", but all that was coming up was clothes in fifty shades of black and with no pizzaz. You did pass by a few Avengers-related merch (especially yours), but he said nothing when you added two or three into your cart, so he probably doesn't care. You did show him a lot of clothes that you thought would fit him, and he nodded to pretty much all of them.

By the time you were done looking for clothes, the doorbell had rung.

("That was quick," you reminisced. DAHLIA was quick to respond.

"It came from a nearby Walmart."

"Huh.")

Barnes' head jerked as his eyes were trained on the entrance door. You patted his arm, and his eyes glance at you.

"Relax, it's just the food. DAHLIA ordered some groceries earlier."

You stood up to go answer the door, and Barnes followed suit. You raised an eyebrow at him, but he doesn't really seem like he's gonna back down anytime soon.

"You know... You can follow behind, but you're gonna have to be in the shadows or something 'cuz, you know... Just- if someone's still at the door, don't let them see you okay?"

He nods, almost mechanically so, and you turned around and walked to the entrance door.

Opening the door, you were greeted with a few big boxes. You raised an eyebrow and glanced out through the door; there are no cars nearby, and DAHLIA whispers in your ear that the clearing's safe- not a single life signature anywhere.

"Barnes, the coast's clear," you called out, already reaching down to grab one of the boxes. You grunt, adjusting your grip before you lifted and turned around.

Barnes, having already popped out of whatever dark corner he was in, is already a few feet behind you.

"Hey, you don't mind helping me bring in those boxes, will you?"

You were already walking past him, but you barely caught the briefest flash of furrowed eyebrows before you saw him walk over to the door. You mentally shrugged, but placed the box in the kitchen and went back over to the door to get the other one.

By the time you were done setting down the box, Barnes had already closed the door and was standing under the arch connecting the kitchen to the main hallway.

You motioned him over, and he complied.

"What is inside?"

You're almost proud that you didn't jump. He doesn't talk much, but when he does it always startles you.

"Groceries, but I don't know what specifically. DAHLIA chose all of it. And by the looks of it, she chose a lot. So. You're gonna help me unpack and we'll probably- well, I'll probably make some food. You can help if you want."

Your back was turned to him, and you started unloading the boxes and their contents. Barnes doesn't move for a hot moment, but he squats down next to you and starts unwrapping the smaller boxes that were inside it.

"You don't mind if I put on some music, right?"

You glanced at him.

"I... don't. Mind," he mumbles, tentatively glancing back at you. You gave him a brief thumbs up and turned your attention back to

"DAHLIA, play something chill. Low volume."

_______

Pretty much, the whole day consisted of unpacking all of the groceries that had been delivered. You ended up pausing, having gotten tired of being awake without food in your stomach, and made some food for the two of you.

You tried conversing with him, trying to get him to at least feel more comfortable, and it... kinda worked. There are a few touchy subjects that he doesn't really seem to like talking about (he doesn't really vocalize his discomfort, but his flinches, no matter how minute they were, spoke louder than words). HYDRA, obviously. Anything revolving the Avengers put him off as well, among other things.

Really, most of the eating consisted of small talk and eating noises, but at least some of the tension in his shoulders had lessened by the time that you two needed to get back to unpacking. Hell, by the time that was done, Barnes' clothes had arrived.

(Oh, the benefits of being insanely rich. Say it with me kids: Thank you, Tony!)

You're usually a little apprehensive about buying clothes online, but color you surprised when not only did all of them fit; Barnes didn't have a single problem with any of them.

"You like 'em?"

You whistled when Barnes came out of his bathroom, now back in your clothes that you had given him originally. He tried all of them on, and you ended up buying him so many clothes that a lot of time had passed by the time he was done. You just sat on his bed, slowly collecting all of the clothes and ripping off the tags, damned if he didn't like one of them; you'll just take it instead.

"They're adequate," he nodded. In his hand were the folded clothes (A camo tee and dark sweatpants), and he set them onto his bed with the other folded clothes.

"Did any of 'em uncomfortable? Too tight, any of the fabric feels wrong...?"

You left the question open-ended as you helped him dump it into a laundry bin. He doesn't respond right away as if he didn't hear you. His eyes flicker over to yours.

"... No. They- I..." the muscle under his eye spasms, "I liked them..."

You grinned, "Glad to hear that, guess we got lucky that none of these was a dud, huh?"

The ghost of a smile that was on his lips appeared briefly, but it was gone just as fast as it had appeared.

Really, that had basically been the peak of the day before things had started to mellow out a little bit. But that was okay, you took whatever it was that Barnes gave, and if it was just the smallest smile you've ever seen on a man, then so be it.

Afterward, the day somehow managed to blend together and pass along like an exhale. Not much happened, since you couldn't really- well, offer anything that could scientifically and medically help him. So you opted to just- try to get him up to date as much as possible.

Honestly, by the time that you had gotten through the first three decades (starting when he was born), it was already pretty late into the night.

(He had a lot of questions, and you really didn't blame him. Hell, most of the more personal information really came from DAHLIA, because as much as you sympathized with the man, you really didn't care to learn about his whole entire biography.

But, at least you answered most of the history related questions. If you had to go through a few history college classes back when you were in college, then you'll be damned if you didn't at least make an effort to learn and internalize them.)

Barnes didn't really show any signs of exhaustion if the casual leg bouncing wasn't enough, but you sure were pooped.

(What? Unlike your dad (and most of the Avengers) you actually had a normal internal clock. For the most part, anyway.)

"Well, as much as I liked talking about prehistoric times," you sounded sarcastic, but you actually did like it, "I gotta sleep, I don't run on super-soldier energy like you do bub."

You stood up, stretched, and saw that Barnes was now standing up as well.

"Should I...?"

Raising an eyebrow, you huffed in good nature, "Go to sleep? Yeah, probably. We're not done with the History101 crash course, and we'll probably be talking about other things tomorrow as well," especially about the fact that you're not gonna be at the safe house often soon, "so we both need the energy for that. So, go clean up and get some Z's, yeah?"

"Oh."

He looked a little lost but followed you back into your shared hallway. Stopping in your doorway, you turned your head to glance at Barnes.

"Good night, Barnes," you nodded, not waiting for a response as you headed into your room. It was quiet and almost inaudible, but you still heard it with your ears before you had closed the door shut.

"... Good night."

You stood in your room, a sudden wave of both exhaustion and dread flooding your body. You shook it off though; it was just the nervous jitters hitting you at an inopportune time.

But really, you trusted your guts almost as much as you trusted Tony.

So as you brushed your teeth and did your business in the bathroom, you tried to quell the anxiety that was building up in your chest.

"DAHLIA, keep an eye on him."

"Gotcha, doll."

You sighed, dropped onto your bed, and hoped that whatever it was that might happen, you'd be prepared for it.

_______

And lo and behold, it didn't even have to be the next morning before shit all hit the fan when DAHLIA wakes you up in the middle of the night (3 A.M., to be specific).

"-oll, wake up! Barnes is having a panic attack!"

It takes half a second to process the fear in DAHLIA's voice. It takes another to process her words.

Fuck.

Scrambling immediately out the bed, you thanked whatever higher being there is that you were sleeping with at least some sweatpants on as you booked it straight to your door and right through Barnes'.

(Maybe you should have joined the football team, because that would have been one wicked tackle. Ha, yeah right, you know nothing about football.)

The lights were on, most likely DAHLIA's doing, and his bedsheets were clearly mussed up. He's nowhere to be seen, so your eyes jump to the joined bathroom door, and lo and behold, there was light bleeding through the cracks.

You quickly approached the door and opened it, throwing away the worry that he might have been absolutely naked.

The good news was that he wasn't nude.

The bad news was that he was hunched over on the ground, right in front of the bathroom counter, and he's gripping his head so tightly you would have thought his skull would have caved in.

Terror shoots down your spine like a lightning bolt, and you immediately rushed to the curled over Barnes, adrenaline rushing through you as a million thoughts ran through your head.

"Barnes!"

He doesn't appear to hear you, groaning and panting as he further curled in on himself. His muscles spasm, hard, and you're at a loss at what to do. He's sickly pale, and the sheen on his skin makes you want to vomit. His panting is shallow, and if you weren't sure if the glint that shone in your eyes was the reflection off of the marble floors or a puddle of saliva coming from Barnes.

You're not sure if touching him right now is a good thing, but you'll be damned if he wasn't your responsibility now. You reach out to him, wrapping one arm around his hunched back and the other trying to pry at his wrists.

(Would you have touched him, if you didn't have the reassurance that DAHLIA has your back?)

(Shut up.)

Maybe you were tensing up for him to go all "Winter Soldier" mode on you, but he's the one that tenses, even more, when you touched him. Thankfully, he doesn't resist your pull as his arm is limp the moment you tried to pull it back, but it doesn't change the fact that he's shaking, badly, and your mind is frozen in limbo.

"DAHLIA, what-"

You're at a loss for words, but DAHLIA, sweet DAHLIA already knows what you were about to ask.

"Sergeant Barnes was displaying elevated levels of anxiety, however, it did not seem to warrant any mentions. I thought-"

She cuts herself off, almost as if she was worried that she had made a wrong call. You swallowed, knowing that despite being a baby A.I., she's never done wrong by you- both in the future and now.

"You thought what?"

You try to rub Barnes' back as if he was a dog that had needed soothing. He groans, but you're not sure if you should interpret that as a hurt groan or a relieved one. You paused and moved your hand away, hovering it just inches away from his back, and his breath hitches.

Your hand dropped onto his back once again, and you could feel the muscles on his muscles spasm a little; his whimpers aren't as loud and painful (though, they're still more than worrying).

So, on the very small bright side, back rubs don't seem to be hurting him either. It's a small win, but a win for sure.

"You- my visuals were clear in the conclusion that you saw it. His discomfort. Your body language and expression acknowledged it but you refrained from addressing it. I- acted under the assumption that it was all under control..."

Something in your mind pauses for a pregnant second before your eyes widened.

"What?"

DAHLIA doesn't even get the chance to reply as Barnes jerks his hands away from yours and pulls at his scalp again. You lurched forward.

"Hey! No!"

You bit back a growl as you grabbed his wrists once again. You yank them back down to his sides as his body jolts, a sob ripping through him. You placed a hand on his chest and tried to boost him back up so he'll have his back against the bathtub that's behind him.

He offers little to no resistance as his back makes contact with the bathtub, but he's slumped into himself. He pulls his knees forward and curls his head into them. For a super-soldier, it's almost cute how hard he's trying to take up as little space as possible if it weren't for the fact that your heart was absolutely breaking at the sight of him.

"Oh, Barnes..."

In shuddered breaths, he mumbles something incoherent.

"...-an't, I- I- I-.... -can't..."

He shakes his head, jolting as if someone had shocked him. You rubbed his arm, glancing down at what you can now confirm to be a puddle of saliva, and then over to the trash can right next to the toilet. You're not too sure if you should get it just in case he decides to vomit, but you're ready to lunge for it the moment Barnes shows any signs of gagging.

"DAHLIA," you spoke at a lower volume, "what- when was he, um, uncomfortable."

"Two nights ago, roughly 22:00, when you told Sargeant Barnes that he was his own free man. Yesterday morning, 08:00, when you asked if he wanted to do anything prior to browsing the available clothing catalog. Right after, he was also discomforted by the catalog, before you offered to buy clothes for him. At-"

"That's- that's enough," you breathlessly muttered. DAHLIA doesn't say anything else, but the air has suddenly become heavier than you remembered.

Your head was almost dizzy with not only how many instances Barnes had been anxious in such a short time, but also at how you remembered each and every instance with startling clarity.

Barnes was anxious at the idea of freedom, but you put it off and opted to just give him a nickel tour of the house.

Barnes was anxious when you asked if he wanted to do anything before looking at clothes, but looked too relieved when you brushed over it.

Barnes was anxious at the idea of shopping for fucking clothes but was okay after you took over for him.

The taste of stomach acid burned your tongue, as yesterday's dinner threaten to rise at the implication of all of this.

"DAHLIA," you mumbled, "the- the rest of those instances- do they..."

You trained your eyes on Barnes.

"Do they all- follow the same... The same- pattern?"

DAHLIA was always in tune with you, even after the time jump.

"... Yes," she lamented.

"God..."

Now, you're not sure who that trash can would be really for; you or Barnes.

"Barnes..."

You murmured quietly. He flinches, and his shaking hasn't gotten any better.

"What- what was it? Was it- was it all too much? God, I'm so sorry, it probably was, wasn't it? I should have- fuck, I should have taken it more slowly, I-"

Barnes shakes his head, stopping you in your rambling. You blinked rapidly.

"Then- was it..." you paused, "... Was it the choices?"

It's almost expected that he doesn't answer you straight away, but he nodded anyway.

"I... It was- it was too much- I couldn't- I don't know- I-"

His breath shuddered with each word as if it hurt him to just even speak right now. You shushed him, ignoring the intrusive thought that it was akin to shushing an animal.

"Hey, hey, it's- it's okay. You'll be okay."

It's not much, what you're saying to him, and it's no surprise that they didn't do much anyway.

Honestly, you didn't know what to say at this point. There didn't even seem to be any phrasing in the known English language that would be able to comfort a man with as much baggage on his shoulders as Barnes, and briefly, just briefly, you wished that you were literally anywhere in the world, but here.

You tried thinking about anything that came from your (albeit limited) interactions with him between the past days that would help ground him, before something jolts you from deep within.

("What are my mission parameters," Barnes asked from behind you.

You paused.

"Mission parameters?")

You didn't even realize that you had said that out loud, but Barnes had tensed up even more before you could even take it back. He held his breath, audibly swallowing.

("You don't need mission parameters, Barnes. You're your own free man. You can- can make decisions on your own. You don't need me to tell you what you need to do.")

("I... Don't understand...")

You spoke on impulse.

"You... You need them, don't you? Mission parameters."

Immediately, you regretted even speaking up just as those words left your mouth.

While every fiber in your being hoped that it wasn't true, there was a small inkling in your head that already knew the answer to your question. It was the only thing that was barely even logical enough to make sense.

His apprehension of making a choice.

How uncomfortable in his own skin he always appeared, despite it even being just a few days.

How relieved he always looks, when the choice was already made for him.

His body tenses underneath your hand, but it's the slight bob of his head that makes your stomach drop. You thought- what a fool you were- you thought he'd be okay without being ordered around, but that was nothing but wishful thinking.

(What was the saying? It's hard to teach an old dog a new trick, was it?)

(Yeah.)

Looking at how only a few days of what you had originally thought was Barnes' newfound freedom turned out to be much more of a nightmare for Barnes, it might just be better for the both of you to push aside your comfortability and start making an honest-to-God investment into Barnes' recovery, even if that means that you had to take a step backward.

A very, very risky step backward.

It was a shot in the dark, but it was the only thing that you could place your bets on for now.

You just hoped that your aim wouldn't fail you now.

"Okay, well... How about this, Barnes, here's your main- your main mission, okay? Become a free man. Hey, no, look at me," you swiveled his head so he could look at you. His eyes were panicked, crazed, and irredeemably sad, but you had to make sure nothing crossed through your face so he'd know that everything will be okay. Your grip on both sides of his face was firm as you pleaded with him.

"Your only 'mission' right now? Breathe," ironically, his breath hitched, "If not for your own sake, then for mine."

You swallowed, heart stuttering as you looked into his glassy eyes.

"Please," you let your desperate prayer lingered in the air.

Maybe it was being given a task to accomplish after days of trying to figure out what to do with his supposed new "freedom", or it was how non-labor intensive and just... simple, his new mission parameter was, but it was almost instantaneous how all of the tension in his body dissipated into thin air.

Witnessing the moment of mercy upon grief through Barnes, no matter how brief or temporary it may be, was almost cathartic.

Almost.

(Perhaps you shouldn't be looking for absolution vicariously. But you were never really a good person, were you?)

_______

A/N: I've read a lot of WinterIron fics. While I have read a lot of interpretations about how Barnes would have reacted when he was freshly freed from HYDRA, this is how I choose to interpret it- one that would best fit the story for now. Next chapter, since I couldn't fit it in this chapter, is a special, but it is very much important and related to the story, and Barnes as a character. If you're familiar with some WinterIron tropes, this won't be too foreign of an idea. Not too sure about other ships/ stories, but. Ah, I'm rambling. Anyways, see you next year lol.

_______

Masterlist

_______

Tagged: @unsolvetheheckoutofit @tonystanktheirondad @ludwigvonbaethoven @rspctot7 (if you’re not @/ fabledxmystery, so sorry for the mistag! LMK if it’s not you) @tolkoskott @klanceiscannon14 @deos-life (grr it won’t let me tag you) @kp1183 (kperla1183) @xyuriko-akamine (akabaneyuriko) @kettnerjanea @soldier-42 @daybreakmistakes @spnfanboy777 @crash-zite @jm-cy

#male reader #avengers x reader #avengers x male reader #Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes x male reader #bucky barnes x reader #restart #reader insert

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mallowstep · 3 years

Text

interstitial: blog update

alright! it's 2021-04-11 and i'm doing a general blog update as my piece-of-content for today because these take surprisingly long to write.

anyway, i wanted to do a comprehensive overview of what's going on, writing-wise, because i haven't done a full overview in a while, and, well, yeah that's pretty much it.

okay. let's get into it.

on ao3

okay, y'all've been very kind to me on ao3. thank you very much.

"ashes" takes the cake for most popular fic. i'm glad you're enjoying. there's also been some fan art! i'm not going to link it here and i apologize for that, but i always lose things when i convert formats, and i'm very tired right now.

the text size in my editor is like, 20pt.

in second for most kudos is "better left unsaid." now seems like a good time to sneak in an announcement that i'm working on a follow up for it. <3

"in the company of strangers" also attracted a lot of talk! so i'm glad. that actually has a kudos/hits ratio of Very High and i'm glad. it's just, such an out there idea, so thank you.

"may there be no sadness of farewell" is also doing well. i am working on chapter three, but the chapters are about 3k words, and that's so many words.

the thing about my writing is that if i'm writing a 1k chapter, i can do it in one sitting, review it in the next, and then post.

a 3k chapter? that's two+ sessions of writing, and then editing it is harder, and it's also way harder to review for continuity errors.

"waiting for me in some unholy sunlight" has a good number of subscribers...that's the fluffiest i know how to write.

(for now.)

but it's a fun au and i'm enjoying it! i really like it really like it.

and to the one person subscribed to "secrets passed over in the dead of night"...uh, thank you? but i'm not going to add another chapter to it.

goings on and happenings

i'm writing this in prep for lore week, which i'm starting soon. i think i'm going to ditch the hiatus because i really want to get to work on mystery projects.

i've also been spending a good amount of time revamping my blog, so if you haven't seen my notes about this, please check out my desktop website. there's a good amount of info packed into it.

also, based on tumblr's beta editor, i may be...increasingly frustrated with tumblr's post editor. so...hng, i don't have a good solution for that, but...we'll see.

event updates and information

justice for squirrelflight has officially ended! but you've probably figured that out by now...at time of writing, lore week is about to start, but frankly, there's a nonzero chance i've completed it by now.

lore updates and information

hehe that's what we're talking about this week

<3 alright love y'all have a good night

#q #mine #txt #11th #April #2021 #April 11th 2021 #blog update

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shibalen · 4 years

Note

My hobbies include writing, reading, watching anime and mystery/thriller/action movies. I’m the ‘loud and crazy’ one of my friend group, but I’m also the sly, crafty manipulative one. Likes in a partner: someone who motivates me and can challenge me to do my very best. Dislikes: someone who tries to "change" me. Thank you so much! I hope you're having a lovely day!

♡ matchup for @karaseijoh

hello! this is the actual matchup this time, no worries! i appreciate your patience and sweet words, thank you so much ´･ᴗ･`

|| Haikyuu: i match you with . . .

Daichi Sawamura

• Bet he wasn't who you were expecting, but hear me out!

• What I think would really make you a good pair is that while you're both ambitious you still balance each other out

• Your fierceness will inspire Daichi to be even more assertive while his assuring presence will help you not get discouraged as easily

• Being a captain of a sports team himself, Daichi knows how to motivate you to reach for the skies!

• All he wants is to help you just as much as you've helped him, or even more ♡

• Looks up to you like no one else ngl. You're always on his mind when he's in a pinch, thinking would you let this problem pull you down

• I mean, you're on his mind anyway

• Because he loves you so much but he's also a big ol' worrywart

• He'll legit stop in the middle of practice or whatever he's doing and hope you're not getting into trouble with your schemes

• You definitely knew each other for the longest time before anything romantic sparked between you

• Daichi, being the responsible boy he is, was constantly at your heed, telling you not to manipulate others for your own interests, what was "wrong" and "right" etc.

• But time fixes everything and, before he knew what was happening, he had grown whipped for you

• Your outspoken side took him on adventures he never knew he wanted. Your crafty side made him understand just how ready you were to make your ideas a reality. This all made him fall in love with you ♡

• #rivals to lovers

• We know he doesn't sugarcoat stuff so rest assured every compliment, every praise is genuine. He is proud of you and all of your achievements!

• Will never say anything to hurt you, everything he says is carefully considered

• If you hold in your emotions, he offers to talk about it later in case you want to vent out your honest feelings.

• Loves it when you come see him at practice but also You + Tanaka + Nishinoya + Hinata = deadaichi

• If he doesn't have practice himself catch him sitting at the stands watching yours with the proudest grin in history

• There's more! During competitions the whole volleyball team comes to cheer you on! Daichi lowkey wanted to be the only one you saw when looking over but that's fine :')

• It makes him sad you're both so busy with school so when you are spending quality time together Daichi plans things out to the smallest detail. Though too embarrassed to admit it this boy is such an old-fashioned romantic

• Never forgets to bring you a little something to your dates. Even if you're staying in and watching a thriller movie (then it's pizza) And if you don't receive at least one love note a month it got mixed up in the mail

• Getting hyped over mystery series together is your thing. Change my mind

• You teach him chess so he could beat Suga and Kur�� lol

• hitting👏the👏gym👏together. You can try and tell me your thighs aren't his next favorite thing about you (aside from your personality) and he doesn't steal glances at them when you're working out, but we all know these are facts.

• I'm loving the idea of your late night texts!

• "If I were to infiltrate a bank, scam it, and give the money to the poor like Robin Hood, would you back me up?"

• "Go to sleep, y/n."

• "But would you?🤔"

• "Honestly. I'd do it myself just so you'd stop getting in trouble. Where do you get all these idea's from?

• "Aww! It's a secret😉"

• " . . . what did Noya tell you?"

• Daichi is a caring, supportive boyfie. You can trust him to have your back. He'll treasure you because you are his most precious person ♡

runner up: Kurō Tetsurō

⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:⠀ *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆

|| OHSHC: i match you with . . .

Tamaki Suoh

♛ Your personal cheerleader and #1 fan

♛ Seriously, with Tamaki around to worship the ground you walk on it's almost impossible to give up. And if it's not because of his cheering it's because you want him to be quiet pfft

♛ Expects the best from you because he has no doubt in your abilities and how much you are capable of

♛ But he won't care if you're not naturally talented at something because he loves you just the way you are besides, he can be perfect for both of you

♛ The first time you met you went to the host club because the chess club was under the threat of being cancelled due to it lacking enough members

♛ Your plan was simple: The host club was extremely popular, and Tamaki was the favourite host so you were going to get close to him so he'd advertise the chess club

♛ At first you were just planning to use him but soon learnt there was more to him than being a princely flirt and a bit of an airhead

♛ He was kind to you no matter what, even though you he knew you were just using the host club to your advantage

♛ Your determination was what attracted him to you and your exciting personality made him fall for you ♡

♛ Though you weren't far behind in crushes, and I swear when you admitted you feelings for Tamaki was tempted to kiss you right there and then

♛ Of course, he's a gentleman and squeezed you into a tight embrace instead. You could feel his heart racing in his chest

♛ Y'all be loud and crazy together. There won't be a day when you're not doing something wild. His favorite hobby is taking you on his 'adventures' in the 'commoner world', he swears its like the jungle

♛ But don't be surprised if he shows up at your house with a helicopter saying you're going to Lapland for a ski trip and watch the northern lights

♛ When you show your ruthless side for the first time boy will be mildly terrified because you remind him of Kyoya in the mornings (• ▽ •;)

♛ When you're being fierce he's gonna admire you from the sidelines and be like "heck yeah! get 'em babe!" But if you direct it at him, he'll turn into a whiny baby "bUt princessssss :("

♛ If you got a penny every time he asked you to have him on the cover of the school's newspaper you could afford a publishing company of your own

♛ Tamaki absolutely thrives off your attention and if you're apart for too long he gets extremely gloomy. Every time someone mentions your name while you're not around he'll be in his emo corner (´°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥ω°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥｀)

♛ Insits on training with you. Although he's physically fit to keep his beautiful figure in shape he's not overly athletic. During longer jogs he'll start wheezing and you find it utterly hilarious

♛ He tries to put up the front of being all bold and suave but if you flirt back for more than five seconds he'll melt into a blushing mess

♛ One time you were talking about throwing a Halloween party and what costumes you all could wear

♛ You teasingly pondered whether you should go with a cute or a more mature look and Tamaki's soul proceeded to leave his body for ten minutes rip

♛ Hikaru and Kaoru had to shake him by the shoulders to keep him together, meanwhile you were giggling in the background

♛ Recommed him an anime and he's gonna spam you with constant updates as he's binging. You might have to mute your phone if you want to get anything done smh

♛ Though his texts and calls are often an emotional mess, he gives surprisingly good and detailed feedback at the end of it

♛ Just make sure to have finished the series first otherwise I can't guarantee a spoiler-free conversation (*ﾉωﾉ)

♛ He'd much rather watch them together with you though. Physical affection is one of his main ways to show you his love

♛ You're his queen. Have no doubts he'd do anything for your happiness ♡

runner up: Kyoya Ootori

here you are, i hope this was an enjoyable read for you! if you think the format could have been better though, feel free to let me know and i'll fix it.

thank you for requesting and i hope you're having a lovely day as well! ♡

#len's matches #ohshc #ouran high school host club #haikyuu #matchups #anime matchups #daichi sawamura #tamaki suoh #karasejoh

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bandersnitchedmysoulthanksfionn · 5 years

Text

Kitty/Stefan/Colin Headcannons

- kitty has a foggy memory about the different timelines but usually remembers a good majority of them ( part of the reason why her and Colin are married, because they are so connected )

- it's Stefan that usually doesn't remember the timelines until the very end of his life or someone else's before it restarts

- Colin is an outlier who always remembers, but tries to forget on the timelines where Stefan jumps, or finds a way to kill himself cause he's not there. ( And sometimes the timelines blend together just too well )

- the first time that Stefan really actually meets kitty, is the timeline where he doesn't remember any of the other timelines ( yet ) and Colin brings him up to meet kitty and pearl after working late at Tuckersoft

- kitty intimidated Stefan at first but after she cracked some jokes about Tuckersoft and embarrassed Colin a little he was significantly less jittery around her

( I just headcannon that kitty, Stefan, and Colin are all bisexual because it's the 80's why not )

- pearl immediately takes a liking to Stefan. This was found out on the second time they met ( kitty had to go work at her job in the late hours and Colin had to finish up Nozedyve ) so Colin asked Stefan if he could watch pearl at the apartment, with Stefan stuttering and reluctantly saying yes.

- Stefan thinks he's bad with kids and other people and thinks he will mess up ( only because his dad isolated him so much as a child )

- Colin and kitty come home to the apartment with Stefan and Pearl asleep on the couch. Pearl is sleeping on Stefan's chest with her head between his neck and shoulder, while Stefan is curled into a protective ball around her. ( Kitty already knew Stefan was attractive but this just made her fall in love, now she knew why Colin tried to get to him in all of those timelines )

- Colin already had the Polaroid in hand by then and had taken at least a dozen pictures "kitty, this is going to be our good timline. For all of us" he murmured into her ear, at which kitty nodded all while still looking at Stefan and pearl.

- they decided to wait til morning to wake him up. Stefan had woken up with pearl and just hugged her while he got up to check the bedroom ( to see if Colin and kitty got home safely ) only to see them awake at the doorway.

- Stefan was a stuttering mess and when he handed pearl back he told them how good pearl was. When he later got home he realized how much he missed that comforting weight on him

( kitty and Colin make sure to try and invite Stefan to theirs more often now, if they need a sitter. Which is also and excuse to see him. )

- Pearl is such a calm, positive influence on Stefan. Later it was found out that when stefan holds Pearl his anxiety and stress goes down. ( Another reason why they invite him over. )

- Stefan doesn't really know what kitty and Colin are trying to do ( cause he's an oblivious bean ) and often tries to supress his growing feelings for them.

- later Peter Butler finds out that his son keeps getting out of the house and is worried that he's doing drugs or something ( cause Stefan is too scared to tell him where he's actually going. He wants to have something private for himself dammit ) so his dad literally locks him in his room. Peter only opens the door to give him food and to try and get Stefan to talk to him.

- Stefan thinks he's doing well, at least he can work on Bandersnatch and not be distracted. ( He doesn't sleep- can't sleep he misses pearl and Colin and kitty )

- Stefan doesn't eat either. He doesn't want to, if he did he would be accepting that he's a prisoner in his own home. ( There's just plates of food left in his room, untouched and unwanted. )

- one day Peter Butler mentions to stefan that he will be on a business trip for a week in the states and says that he will try to get back as soon as he can. He leaves the key to stefans door on the table by the staircase so when he gets back he remembers where it is. ( Peter is a horrible father in case y'all didn't already know ) Stefan thinks he's going to be okay ( he has such a bad mindset oh my God ) because he has a bathroom that connects to his room and he isn't hungry anyway ( and if he has to eat there is some granola bars on his desk )

- at this point it's been a month and Colin and kitty are worried out of their minds. Pearl misses Stefan and it's hard to get her to sleep more. Colin tried calling stefan but he stopped picking up the phone. And kitty is just so worried.

- at one point she breaks down, pearl is asleep and Colin is right there holding kitty tightly, he will deny it later but he had a few stray tears himself. Kitty sobs to him ( "I thought this was supposed to be our good timeline!" "Where's Stefan?" "Is he dead?! If he dead why hasn't this reality reset yet!" )

- it takes a good half hour for them both to calm down. Kitty's eye makeup is streaked all over her face and Colin himself is in a state of dissaray. ( Messy hair, sweating, disheveled clothes, etc. )

- he tells kitty that he's going to look for stefan, starting at his house and promises that he WILL bring him back.

-when Colin parks at Stefan's house he notices that Peter Butler's car is gone. He checks the front door and notices that it's also locked. ( He gets scared for a second that Stefan has already killed his father and might be waiting for him. ) He shakes himself out of it before checking the back door.

- it's surprisingly unlocked.

( I will update part 2 soon, if you guys like this so far )

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askdawnandvern · 6 years

Text

A Lamb Among Wolves Ch:47

This particular chapter took way longer than planned. It also ended up way longer than planned. Had I not chosen to split this chapter and the previous section up, it would have totaled over sixty pages. As for why it took so long, well, that's a combination of health reasons and how much work I did on this chapter (as well as my proofreaders) coupled with the importance of just how I wanted this chapter to read. I've received a lot of feedback in regards to Yuri. About how he was irredeemable, unrepentant, and just the most unlikable SOB in the entire story. Even more so than Dorian or Ana (granted she got one scene). The goal from the start was never to make him do a complete 360 and suddenly become this likable, friendly character. Really I just wanted to explore why he is the way he is, and maybe open up the path for Yuri and Vernon to at least grow to tolerate one another. I wanted to try and adequately try to explain why Yuri is the way he is, and acts the way he does. And much like Dawn, major growth takes time. And that's the reason this chapter had been mostly done a week ago, and I spent the extra time agonizing over it and sharing it with my backers and revising again in order to try to make sure it came out right. But there comes a time where you have to say 'I've done all I can do'. If I just keep editing this chapter again and again LAW will never end. So here it is, the Yuri chapter. Also, quick update on my health, I have to go in for a surgical consultation this week. I'm not sure if it's about the guided injection, or if the surgeon just thinks it's time to move forward with surgery. I'll have more details on my Dawn Blog as the situation develops... Please consider tippin' me. https://www.patreon.com/wastedtimeee -WT

Chapter Forty-Seven: An Inconvenient Truce

Yuri stared at Vernon blankly for a few moments, his eyes blinking rapidly as he seemed to be struggling to take in just how willing Vernon was to open the floor to the wolf. It gave Vernon the distinct impression that perhaps Yuri hadn't exactly planned ahead this far along when it came to this 'talk' of his. At the very least, he had probably expected more of an argument when it came to Vernon's willingness to hear him out, and the fact that Vernon had given in so quickly had forced the wolf to throw out half of his prepared demands or pleas for the wolf to stay. The dark-furred wolf pulled uneasily at the knot of his tie, letting out an awkward cough.

“Well?" Vernon asked, quirking a puzzled brow at the wolf.

Yuri leaned back into the mesh of fabric spools, letting out an uncomfortable groan as he tried to shimmy deeper into the pile and averting his gaze from Vernon's own. The jet-black wolf ran a terse paw through his mo-hawk before letting it flop to his side and letting out a sigh.

“Mam', old lady Dasy needs more chairs back here..." The wolf murmured. “This mess o' spools is uncomfortable as sin."

“Yuri..." Vernon muttered, wiping the corners of his eyes with his thumb and forefinger and running them down his snout.

“I mean, I know it's a storeroom, but teeth to tails you'd think she'd have a few more-"

"Yuri!" Vernon cut the wolf off. Despite the wolf's seemingly well-intentioned actions, Vernon was already on edge from the previous experiences he had to endure throughout the morning.

“Y' ain't got no patience Vernon." Yuri snapped, turning to face the wolf. His yellow eyes squinting tightly as he threw Vernon a glare. “Sweet sawgrass."

“Can you blame me at this point Yuri?" Vernon replied, only for the dark-colored wolf to roll his eyes.

“What? The rough and tumble treatment is only fun fer you in the bedroom?" Yuri sneered. “Or the cornfield?"

YURI!" Vernon yelled. “What are you trying-!?"

The jet-black wolf held up his paws defensively, gesturing to the wolf to calm down.

"Hold on, hold on..." Yuri shook his head briskly as if he were trying to shake off a thought. "I-I'm just...I'm trying to get my bearings here."

Vernon let out a snort as he slunk back into the wooden chair. The slatted wooden poles that made up the back of the seat weren't exactly comfortable, but at the moment Vernon could barely register the discomfort over the already uncomfortable atmosphere that had built up in the room.

“Look this ain't really easy, I'm just tryin' to smooth the conversation over with some comedy here..." Yuri muttered.

“Because your brand of comedy tends to go over well with everyone else in this family." Vernon muttered, crossing his arms.

“Ada likes it..." Yuri replied in a quiet voice.

Vernon let out a tired sigh.

“Yuri..." The wolf muttered. “ I can't imagine what you want to talk about..." Vernon ran a paw through his scalp, swabbing the hint of sweat that had formed on his brow away as he turned his attention back to the wolf seated in the pile of spools. “But I think it would be less painful fer the both of us if y'all just got it over with as quickly as possible."

Yuri squirmed deeper into the messy pile of spools, letting out another uncomfortable groan as he struggled to get comfortable, but it was clear to Vernon by now that the discomfort was something more internal rather than just how pliable the mound of material was. Whatever the wolf was sitting on, metaphorically that is, seemed to be the real root of the wolf's unease.

Yuri let out a soft sigh. “I hate to admit when yer right..." The wolf muttered.

Slapping his paws on his knees, Yuri leaned up slightly in his seat, taking a more casual stance as he turned his attention back to Vernon. He only managed to focus his eyes on him for a moment before averting his gaze back to the floor, the wolf scratching the back of his neck anxiously as he grit his teeth.

“...Do this...' Vernon couldn't make out the entirety of what Yuri was saying as he mumbled his quiet statement at the floor. The jet-black wolf's hateful sneer returned as he furrowed his brow, a mixture of stress and anger painting his features as he began to growl softly.

"Fer Ada...do it fer Ada..." Was all Vernon could make out before the wolf let out a loud snarl. Yuri's head suddenly jerked back up, his attention snapping on Vernon so fast that it caused the wolf to reflexively flinch as he prepared for what he assumed was an incoming punch. But the wolf kept his balled fists at his sides as he spoke.

“I ain't gonna apologize fer what I did Vernon!" Yuri spat defiantly.

Vernon furrowed his brow in confusion.

"As far as I'm concerned y'all deserved them damned bruises on that mug of yers fer wha-! Urrgh!" The wolf let out a groan mid-sentence, tilting his head back as he slapped his palm harshly against his temple a few times before simply holding it there. It was a baffling sight for Vernon to try to make any sense of. To him, the wolf appeared to be beating himself up in lieu of taking a swing at him for whatever reason. It was a rather confusing prospect, the idea that the wolf was holding back from taking something out on Vernon, as a good chunk of his life had been spent looking for any excuse to do it. Yuri held like that for a few moments before letting out a long sigh.

"So...that's what you wanted to tell me?" Vernon said dully. He should have expected as much, not that he was expecting an apology from Yuri anyway. Granted Vernon already knew that while he hadn't acted as badly as Yuri had, he was still guilty to some degree for stooping to his brothers level. And even if the wolf were the kind of mammal to apologize for his part in it, Vernon would have protested that apology with an admission of his own guilt. The purpose would have been one of simple courtesy to one another. But this was still Yuri Vernon was dealing with. So expecting something like that, unprompted or otherwise was unrealistic. Still, it left the wolf even more clueless as to just what the point of this whole conversation was anyway.

“This is the 'brother to brother' talk?" Vernon shook his head dismissively. “Because I already know I was in the wrong with what I said, which is why I went and apologized to Ada."

Yuri's uncomfortable expression returned as he glanced down at his own paws, the wolf idly fiddling with his thumbs.

“I-I know that..." Yuri growled. “I mean, I heard."

“Are you looking for an apology?" Vernon asked.

Yuri let out a snort, rolling his eyes as he crossed his arms. “Apology?" The wolf chuckled. “Fer how soundly I beat the tar out of you? Now that's a laugh riot!" The wolf slapped a paw against his knee.

“It ended with my jaws around yer throat!" Vernon spat back. “How ca-!" The wolf shook his head briskly, attempting to shake off the rising ire in regards to the pointless way the conversation was heading. It was a paw that Vernon wasn't going to play himself into more than once.

Vernon let out a tired sigh, rolling his eyes at the rather bemused looking wolf before rising to his feet. Taking a moment to dust off his shirt, and stretch out an arm above his head, the wolf began a slow shuffle toward the exit.

"Well Yuri, this has been a blast..." Vernon said in a dry tone. "We should do this again sometime..."

“Wait! Wait!"

Vernon stopped just shy of the curtain, glancing back over his shoulder to find the dark-furred wolf leaned up in his seat, his paws outstretched toward him for a brief moment before the wolf quickly tried to hide the surprisingly pleading gesture. Yuri slapped a paw against his neck, rubbing it awkwardly as he averted his gaze from the wolf.

“Look..." Yuri muttered. “This sorta shit ain't exactly my forte." Yuri muttered, slumping back into his seat. The wolf crossed his arms defensively. “I need to get somethin' off my chest here." The wolf let out a long, tired sigh as he lolled his head back against the mound of fabric.

"Ada's right, Were both adults. Things can't keep goin' on this way. I know it's puttin' a strain on everyone else...but dammit, it's so hard!"

The errant comment was enough to draw Vernon back to his seat, if not warily. As the grey wolf eased back onto the floral pad, he turned his attention to the wolf across from him. It was clear Ada had spent some degree of time scolding Yuri for his actions but based on just how he had worded his strange admission, it seemed their talk had gone much deeper than yesterday's fight.

“Ada's right." Vernon replied. “She usually is."

Yuri let out a grumble, nodding weakly against the spools while his eyes remained fixed on the ceiling.

“But I imagine she's told you that before." Vernon muttered. “If not everyone else in this family." The wolf leaned his paws on his knees once again, watching the black wolf intently. “Why the sudden interest in acknowledging it?"

Yuri glanced back at Vernon, the wolf lowering his lids dully at his brother's question.

"Again, I ain't apologizin'..." Yuri muttered bitterly. " But when is the last time we had a real knock-down, drag-out fight?"

Vernon rubbed the fur on his chin between his fingers as he thought about the wolf's question. It had been quite some time since the two had thrown paws. Yuri's physical abuse had mostly tapered off once Vernon became too large to effectively pin down. Aside from one or two fights after Vernon's more difficult years, Yuri had mostly relied on the art of insults and put-downs. But yesterday's fight had been a benchmark in their current relationship, a new low bar that Vernon had thought they were beyond reaching despite how toxic their relationship already was.

"Before your 'cross-country trip' I think." Vernon mumbled. "Where you tried to make me eat dirt, and I pinned you under your motorcycle."

Yuri pointed a finger at Vernon, stabbing a claw decisively.

“That's because you keyed my ride!" Yuri spat.

“Rut you!" Vernon snapped back “I already told ya I didn't back then!"

"Oh, like anyone else had the motive to-!?" Yuri let out another snort, crossing his arms defensively as he stopped himself mid-retort. The wolf was clearly growing increasingly frustrated with his own behavior.

“Yuri." Vernon shook his head. “Where is this going?"

The jet-black wolf let out a terse sigh, flopping his head back against the fabric once more as his muzzle pointed toward the ceiling.

“Look Vermi..." Yuri shook his head as he stopped just shy of uttering the full nickname. “Look Vernon..." The wolf corrected himself. “I know I've always been an 'ornery' pup, alright?"

“That's one way of putting it..." Vernon mumbled.

Yuri flashed the wolf a momentary scowl before settling back into his seat. The wolf ran a paw through his mane of hair. "Ever since the day I was born I loved gettin' into trouble." The wolf chuckled softly. "I had a fire in my veins from the moment my heart started beatin', and I probably will till the day I die."

Yuri glanced over to Vernon, squinting slightly as his yellow eyes locked with Vernon's own.

“Hell if I know why." The wolf shook his head. “It's just the way I was."

Vernon let out a scoff. “That's seriously what yer gonna go with?"

“Yeah." Yuri quirked a curious brow. “Why?"

"Yer tellin' me you tortured us for all those years..." Vernon hissed. "Tortured me!" The wolf could feel a the start of a seethe beginning to build. The bitter resentment for Yuri's constant abuse poking at the embers left behind by his brother's previous attempts at putting one over on him. "And y'all don't even have a damn reason for it!?"

Yuri gave the wolf an awkward smirk, shrugging slightly.

“I mean..." Yuri muttered. “It's mostly just who I am." The wolf chuckled softly.

“I was born with a chip on my shoulder that never really went away."

“More like a damn boulder!" Vernon sneered. “Yer a ruttin' psychopath!"

“Well, I ain't sayin' I don't have issues, bu-."

“Seriously! I always suspected it, but I never knew until this!" Vernon let out a laugh at just how preposterous what he was hearing was, cutting off Yuri mid-sentence.

“I ain't no psychopath!" Yuri snarled, crossing his arms defensively.

Vernon ran a paw through his hair, shaking his head in disbelief.

“Yuri, yer a damn police officer!" Vernon spat, gesturing a paw at the wolf. “You know criminal psychology!"

Yuri shrugged, his uncomfortable expression shifting to one of confusion. “So?"

“That kind of behavior is textbook fer a psycho!" Vernon snapped.

"If I was a psycho we wouldn't be having this damn discussion! Hell, my th-!" The wolf leaned up in his seat momentarily, his anger flaring briefly before the wolf seemed to try to stop himself again. Slowly the wolf slipped back into his seat, slumping into the fabric with a dull plop. Yuri waived a dismissive paw at Vernon, which only served to make the wolf that much angrier.

“I was born an 'aggressive' pup." Yuri gestured his paws up. “And bein' bad was the easiest way fer me to get Ma's and Pa's attention."

“It was...my identity...I guess..." Yuri sighed, his gaze drifting back up to the ceiling as he continued to prattle off his story. “I was one o' three pups, and then a year later I was one o' seven..." The dark-furred wolf scratched his head. “Seven pups, all clawin' to be the center of Ma and Pa's world." Yuri chuckled softly. “But I learned just how to steal that attention away from any of y'all whenever I wanted."

Yuri lowered his gaze back on Vernon. “What started as just bein' a mischievous pup because it was in my nature, turned into a concerted effort to keep the attention on me." The wolf shook his head. “Least that's what my therapist told me."

Vernon quirked a curious eyebrow. “Therapist?" The wolf said in disbelief. “You?"

Yuri chuckled dully. “Why so surprised?" The wolf snorted. “I'm sure you think I've needed one fer a long time."

“W-Well..." Vernon winced uncomfortably as he scratched at his neck. “ I just...er..." The wolf muttered. “Never took you fer the type of mammal to go to one."

"Ain't cause I wanted to." Yuri snorted, flicking a paw in annoyance. "After my second suspension, I was 'required' to undergo therapy in order to get the damn thing lifted." The wolf raised a finger, waggling it at Vernon matter-of-factly. “And I'd like to point out that she also says I ain't no psycho."

Vernon had to stifle a scoff. Whatever 'therapist' that was willing to clear Yuri of a title like that either didn't dig deep enough into the wolf's psyche, or had gotten their degree off the back of a cereal box. But making a remark to that effect wasn't worth starting another argument over.

“Ah." Vernon replied, bringing his fingers together as he leaned forward in his chair. “So is that where this is coming from then?"

Yuri let out a sigh. "A little from column A..." The wolf trailed off slightly, leaving Vernon to finish the statement in his mind. "But, gettin' back to-."

“How long have you been seeing the psych fella?" Vernon asked.

Yuri rolled his eyes. “Would y'all stop askin' me so many damn questions!" The wolf sneered. “This is hard enough to wade through as it is with you interruptin' me!"

Vernon recoiled slightly, drawing back into his seat as Yuri bared his teeth at him. It was only for a moment, the ire fading away unusually quickly as the wolf let out another derisive snort before slumping back into his seat.

“It was easy too, ya know?" Yuri hissed. “I was the biggest out of all of ya." The dark wolf smirked slightly, sending an uneasy chill down the wolf's spine. “Top of the pack." The wolf let out an almost sickeningly pleasant sigh, as if he were somehow wistful from the memories of his troubled youth, the youth that Vernon's own had suffered under. "Bein' able to keep the rest of y'all down just let me stand that much taller, and at the time I had the power to do it."

Vernon shook his head in disbelief.

“I just can't really wrap my head around it..." Vernon muttered. “ Gettin' yer hide tanned? Gettin' punished constantly? Makin' yer siblin's cry?" The wolf scratched his head. “That's the kind of attention you wanted?"

Yuri grimaced deeply, a soft growl started to emanate from his throat as his ears flattened tightly against his head. His piercing yellow eyes met Vernon's own, and behind the lenses, he could see the familiar flicker hate shimmering from deep within. Vernon tried to swallow, but the lump in his throat refused to move.

"It ain't like I was lookin' fer that part of it, it just was somethin' that came packaged up with what I wanted!" The wolf growled. " I didn't really care about anyone else if it meant gettin' that attention." Yuri sighed. "And any attention was still attention to me." Yuri grumbled. "And in time, it became the only surefire way to keep Ma and Pa's eyes on me." The wolf slunk back into his seat.

"At a certain point, there was no backtrackin' I could do, even if I wanted to try." Yuri hissed. " So all I could do was lean into it that much harder."

With a heavy sigh, Yuri's grimace faltered into something more neutral as he ran a paw through his mane.

"At first, it was just fun to pick on y'all..." Yuri muttered, the wolf lolling his head from side to side. "Especially since the rest of y'all were a bunch of big sissies when it came to name callin' and play fightin'."

“Biting your brother in the arm deep enough to draw blood is play fighting?" Vernon spat, furrowing his brow.

“Pups roughhouse!" Yuri hiss. “It's in our DNA!" The wolf crossed his arms defensively. “'Sides' I didn't mean to go that deep on Trenny's arm...I slipped."

“Mhh-hmm..." Vernon replied dully.

Yuri flashed the wolf another glare, squinting sharply as he regarded the wolf. His piercing yellow eyes never failed to send a chill don't the wolf's spine.

“What I'm sayin' is, I saw it as funny!" Yuri spat. “Mostly harmless fun...at least to me." The wolf glowered. “Back then, I didn't do that stuff outta malice, or hatred. I don't even think I had a grasp of concepts like that yet..."

Vernon wanted to speak, to make a joke at Yuri's ridiculous line of self-defense. But as the wolf's glare continued to sharpen the words died in Vernon's throat. The wolf's eyes were practically boring through him now, and the could feel his stomach turn as his own gaze remained fixed on Yuri's. The adult mammal, the Vernon of the now had taken a step back in his mind. Leaving only the little puppy that Vernon once was, frozen in fear of the wolf that was staring deep into his soul.

“Torturin' others....if y'all choose to call it that." Yuri huffed. “That was fer attention, fer a joke." The wolf growled softly. “But when it came to you...it grew to become much more than just what I thought was funny."

Vernon furrowed his brow slightly as he began to grow aware of exactly where the wolf's story was leading.

“Tiny..." Yuri muttered. “Shrimpy lil' Runter..." The wolf sighed, finally breaking his deep, hateful gaze as he turned his attention to his own paws. The jet-black wolf idly intertwined his fingers together. “Ma and Pa's golden pup."

Vernon felt his wits returning as Yuri's gaze had peeled away from him. His adult self had come back, and with it came his voice.

"Y-Yuri." Vernon's voice broke slightly. "I I ain-."

“I thought I told y'all to keep quiet!" Yuri growled, his attention remaining on his paws as he slammed one balled fist into the other. Vernon was stunned back into momentary silence by the sudden burst of anger, allowing Yuri to continue with whatever point he was trying to make.

“He was the softest one..." Yuri muttered. “The fragile one." The wolf hissed. “I can still remember Ma describin' you over the phone to Aunty Abby as havin' a personality that 'glowed like the full moon in spite of bein' so small." Yuri stuck his tongue out in disgust.

“Y-Yuri..."

“And with Pa, you were gonna be the one to grow up and work at his side." Yuri growled. “Y'all were the one he wanted over any of the rest of us."

Vernon furrowed his brow in confusion. “T-that's not..."

"Y'all don't remember?" Yuri hissed."When y'all was two....?"

In that moment there was the flicker of something in Vernon's mind. A foggy, hazy memory, but it was there. Vernon could vaguely remember walking into his father's study. He could easily recall just how large everything seemed compared to him as his little pawed feet shuffled across the rug to meet the wolf behind the desk. He had been crying...for some reason.

“I gave y'all a native wolf fur-burn..." Yuri growled. “And you went off cryin' to Pa like you usually did."

“But by the time I made it to him...I stopped crying..." Vernon muttered dumbly. “He was...fixing his hat? I think?" The wolf scratched his head. “And I just...my interest went right to the hat."

The memory began to grow in clarity, piecing the murky cloud of the scant memories of childhood, the flickers of things locked behind his pre-Dawn door. He remembered asking about the hat. Something along the lines of getting one just like it. A hat just like his Pa's.

“Y'all wanna wear it now Pup?" Dorian chuckled.

"Can I!?" Vernon yipped. "Weawy?" The pup lisped through gapped teeth.

Dorian let out a loud laugh. "Course ya can kiddo." The wolf said, slapping the over-sized hat on Vernon's head. In that instant, the little wolf's world went dark, and the pup had to struggle to push it up enough to look up at the towering white wolf.

Vernon frowned slightly. “It don't fit."

Dorian pressed down on the hat with a playful paw, patting it a few times. In response, Vernon pressed the hat up again as forcefully as he could, puffing his cheeks at his father in annoyance.

“One day it will Vern." Dorian said with a grin. “One day you and me will be wearin' matching ones."

The little wolf's eyes went wide, his muzzle hanging open in awe of the old wolf's prediction.

"WEAWY!?" Vernon grinned a partially toothless smile, pressing his paws against his father's lap as his tail wagged furiously.

“O' course." Dorian chuckled. “Yer' gonna be my deputy someday ain'tcha?" Dorian grinned, raising an eyebrow at the pup.

Vernon was practically bouncing on his paws with excitement, the little wolf nodding in agreement so quickly it made him light-headed. In response, his father gave him a playful nudge in the arm.

“I think you got the potential boy." Dorian grinned. “If you work for it, I think you and me can make the North Meadowland's an even better place."

Vernon stuck his tongue out of the side of his muzzle, giving his father a determined glare as he held up his hat.

“I wiwl!" Vernon puffed. “I wiwl be da best deputee eva!"

Dorian smiled. “I don't think I'd want it any other way my boy."

Vernon blinked at Yuri a few times as the memory continued to resonate within him.

“B-but..." Vernon muttered. “How di-?"

Yuri rolled his eyes. “Who do y'all think was waitin' to share his side of the story outside Pa's door?" The wolf huffed. “I was ready fer y'all to tattle on me."

Vernon stared at the wolf in shock for a moment, blinking dumbly before he managed to muster some form of response to Yuri's story.

“W-we were pups..." Vernon replied. “It ain't like I meant it." The wolf continued. “Ain't like Pa was serious either!"

Yuri slunk back into his seat, the black furred wolf letting out a tired sigh.

"When you are a pup, the truth don't really matter." Yuri muttered. "It's all about the way it's perceived."

The dark-wolf sighed, running a paw through his mo-hawk once again.

“You didn't do anythin'." Yuri hissed. “You were just born small..." The wolf sneered. “And they dumped attention and love on y'all like it was a summer squall."

The dark wolf narrowed his gaze at Vernon, his piercing yellow eyes burning with disdain.

“That's when I started to hate you." Yuri said coldly.

The way Yuri spoke, the delivery of his words made Vernon's blood run cold. Vernon's hackles rose as a shiver ran down the wolf's spine, causing his tail to jerk slightly as the words rolled through him like a venomous wave. It was strange that the words carried such impact. After all, Vernon had said as much to Yuri the previous day. But the bitter, chilling tone was something that conveyed a deeper power than Vernon's own passionate cry. Thankfully, almost as quickly as the words had been uttered, Yuri broke his agonizingly cold gaze. The dark-furred wolf's attention returning to his paws.

"They just gave you everythin' without hesitation." Yuri growled. "And everythin' you did was worthy o' praise." The dark wolf kicked his leg at a loose spool idly. "They coddled you, and cuddled you..."The wolf shook his head. "And I hated you fer it...before I even knew what hate was."

"Yuri..." Vernon sputtered, but the wolf couldn't manage any more than his brother's name. In truth, Vernon wasn't really sure what to say. Yuri had just dropped a massive bomb in his lap, and the wolf was still struggling to take it all in. Vernon felt a pang of guilt, but it was muted behind a rising wall of ire as the picture began to grow clearer. A growing sense of indignation as it clashed with what Vernon knew to be true when it came to the love of their parents.

“B-Bull!" Vernon retorted. “I-" The wolf stumbled over his words. “ None of us went without love in this family!" The wolf spat. “Even you!" Vernon growled softly. “And now yer tryin' to put the way you acted on me!?"

Yuri crossed his arms defensively, the wolf tilting his head upward slightly as he regarded Vernon with his usual hateful gaze. The sneer on his muzzle parting as his mouth opened wide. It looked as though he were going to yell the wolf down, yet nothing came. After a moment, the wolf closed his jaws, Yuri seeming to calm slightly as he slid deeper into his seat.

"Whether it's true or not..." Yuri mumbled. "From that point, I kept my eyes on you." The wolf grit his teeth. "My focus on you, and everythin' that Ma and Pa did fer you."

Yuri let out a snort. “I was too young to really grasp that focusin' on y'all probably just made it seem like y'all were gettin' even more praise and love because I wasn't payin' as close attention to everyone around me." The wolf shook his head. “ Therapist says it was like a tunnel vision effect."

The wolf rolled his eyes. "And since I only knew one way to get Ma and Pa's attention, the only thing I could do to mitigate how they treated y'all was to make you pay for it." Yuri bit his own tongue as he hissed. “O' course, that's lookin' back on it now." The wolf shrugged uneasily. “Hindsight's a bitch ain't it?"

Vernon furrowed his brow in confusion. If what Yuri was saying was to be taken as the truth, then the reason his brother had been so hard on him growing up was this perceived notion that Vernon was somehow more loved than he was. Then again, Yuri, at least as a pup, didn't exactly make himself easy to love. The wolf had already admitted as much. But if Yuri had the clarity to look back on his past and see his behavior for what it was, then that still left Vernon with the question as to why the behavior continued. Why did Yuri continue to treat him so badly even now?

“Ain't like I didn't try..." Yuri muttered, breaking Vernon's train of thought.

“What?" Vernon replied.

The dark-furred wolf ran a paw across his forehead, letting out a sigh.

“When I got a little older...I tried a paw at doin' things yer way." Yuri muttered. “Gettin' Ma and Pa's attention in a positive way." The wolf chuckled. “But I always hackled it up."

The wolf grit his teeth, his claws digging into the spools slightly before the wolf released his grip with a heavy sigh.

"But I know now it never worked because that wasn't the kind of mammal I was..." Yuri shook his head. "I...couldn't show affection the way the rest of y'all did."

Yuri turned his gaze back to the wolf sitting across from him, his expression that same, strange look of discomfort Vernon had noticed earlier.

“Back then though, I couldn't figure out why it didn't make a dent." Yuri muttered. “And all the while I had you to look up at, taunting' me with Ma and Pa's approval whether you wanted it to come off that way or not."

“Y-Yuri..." Vernon stammered. “I-I didn't mean..."

“In a way...we were torturin' each-other..." Yuri chuckled. “Just on different levels."

“Now wait a minute." Vernon declared, his voice growing more confident as he spoke. “That ain't even close to fair to comparin' what you did to me on purpose to how Ma and Pa treated me!" Vernon gestured a paw emphatically. “Hell, you doin' what you did probably made Ma and Pa try to compensate by..."

Vernon trailed off as he contemplated just what he was saying. He had been ready to simply write off Yuri's supposed fuel behind his tormenting of the wolf as nothing more than a lame excuse. But as he began to further wrap his mind around the information, a disheartening picture was coming into view. The glaringly powerful image of a wheel, a self-sustaining cycle of behaviors that only amplified each side as it continued to spin.

Yuri furrowed his brow, his previous smirk slipping into a deeper grimace as he appeared to pick up on Vernon's own thoughts.

“By the Gods, I could use a drink right now..." Yuri shook his head.

“Yuri..." Vernon muttered.

“I kept making it worse..." Yuri muttered, gesturing lamely with a paw at nothing in particular. “And you kept makin' me want to make it worse." The wolf sighed.

“And then you went through yer bad phase." Yuri continued.

Vernon froze at the memory as he felt himself pulled back to that troubled time. The years after Dawn was separated from him. It had been a shock to his childlike understanding of greater Animalia. His limited, naive and pure ideals about the way mammals were supposed to get along were violently stripped away as he was instilled with the knowledge that his kind was to be feared. It was a flawed thought process, the wolf knew that now. But back then, confronted with such a concept after knowing no other was too hard to take. And so, while not entirely giving in so far as to actively scare and terrorize innocent prey, he lived as a 'true wolf' in the eyes of some of the toughest mammals the North Meadowlands Middle and Junior High School had ever seen.

Even Yuri had never been a brazen bully outside of the home. Before Vernon had changed his behavior, lashing out at the world around him, Yuri had been known for mostly for being a name-caller. The kind of mammal who only fought when he had enough of an advantage over his opponent to ensure his victory. Yuri had always been more of a manipulator when it came to the whispers of the other students. A craftier mammal who picked his battles properly. But Vernon, well he became a true brute. The fact that he shot up like a corn stalk in junior high only made the situation that much worse, and the students that much more fearful.

It haunted him, that part of his life. When it came to his list of regrets, it was the second thing he wished he could change. The first of course, being Dawn's separation from him, even knowing there was no way he could at the time. But much like Dawn's own sordid history, it was something he had to live with now.

“And how did Ma and Pa deal with y'all then?" Yuri asked.

Vernon bit his lower lip. He already could tell where this conversation was going the moment Yuri had mentioned it.

“T-They punished me!" Vernon protested. “You tryin' to say they gave me a lighter sentence than you fer the stuff you did?"

Yuri cocked a brow, looking back at Vernon with irritation.

“Oh they did, sure enough." Yuri muttered. “Hesitant at first, but they levied the same kind of punishments at you that they did fer me." The wolf chuckled. “Some even worse than any I ever had." Yuri scratched his chin. “At least that much I can say was fair."

Yuri flashed Vernon a wide, sinister grin. “Although since you had taken over the role of Alpha dog at the house, you surpassed purty much anythin' I could dish out in terms of' bein' bad." Yuri snickered. “I'd like to say it was one of the few times I mighta' respected ya a little bit." The wolf sighed. “Ya might say, in the spiritual sense that's probably the closest we've ever been, eh Vern?"

Vernon sneered at the very idea of Yuri considering the two being alike at all. But at the same time, Vernon couldn't deny that his behavior was bad, if not worse than Yuri's at some points, even if it hadn't been directed inside the household. “You certainly didn't act like it."

Yuri chuckled to himself. “As I said, it was just the kinda mammal I was." The wolf flashed him a cheesy grin. “An aggressive little shit with a big mouth."

“Who beat on the rest of us." Vernon retorted.

"Fer the most part I grew out of beaten' on mammals..." Yuri hissed. "You grew into it." the wolf leaned back into his chair, letting out a soft chuckle."Fer a time anyway." He said, waving a paw dismissively. But as the wolf nestled deeper into his seat, his eyes found Vernon's again, his brow furrowing slightly.

"Funny thing..." The wolf sighed. "Durin' that time, that was when I gave a real shot at tryin' to be better behaved fer Ma and Pa." The wolf chuckled again, the laughter trailing off into a bemused sigh as he squirmed in his seat uncomfortably. "I thought, maybe, just maybe..." The wolf continued. "That you foulin' up so bad might have been my in. To get the attention I felt I deserved."

The wolf's eyes drifted back to the ceiling as he took a slow, deep breath. “But with the newly fallen golden pup causin' a ruckus and gettin' into trouble so often..." The wolf's eyes shifted back to Vernon's own, his eyelids squinting tightly around his irises. “The previously 'worst pup' in the pack actin' marginally better didn't exactly net me the amount of attention I was lookin' fer..." The wolf chuckled softly.

“Ya see, despite all them punishments, Ma still wailed for y'all..." Yuri muttered bitterly. “Pa still believed it was a passin' phase, because it 'wasn't like you'!" Yuri scoffed. “they bent over backwards tryin' to 'bring you back around'!

The jet-black wolf leaned up in his seat, stabbing an accusatory claw Vernon's way as he sharpened his gaze.

“And when you finally broke down..." Yuri growled. “Decidin' to clean up yer act and beg fergiveness, they ju-!" Yuri stammered, gnashing his teeth harshly as he seemed to be fighting the urge to growl. “They just took ya back with open arms!"

The wolf slammed his fist harshly against a slab of fabric, the object letting out a muffled crack as the rod the held together presumably broke under the sudden pressure. It buckled under his fist before slipping to the floor as Yuri slumped harshly back into the mound of spools, the wolf letting out a terse huff as he crossed his arms.

“They just dismissed it all! Put it all behind them!" Yuri hissed. “Just like that!"

“So what, you're jealous!?" Vernon snapped back, flashing the wolf a sneer of his own. “Because Ma and Pa were worried about me?"

“JEALOUS!?" Yuri snarled, the wolf lunged toward Vernon, but stopped short of leaving the mound of spools, once again slamming a fist into the material. It was enough to make Vernon wince, but not enough to make him back down.

“OF COURSE I WAS JEALOUS!" Yuri growled. “I was jealous because you could do what I never could with Ma and Pa!" The wolf continued, gesturing wildly with a paw. “You could come back to them! But I was always me!" Yuri barked. “There wasn't a turn around fer me! Nothin' to hope fer for me! I was always Yuri the troublemaker! Yuri the problem pup!" The wolf was practically thrashing in his seat now as he stabbed his claw at Vernon once more, his glare so sharp Vernon was almost fearful it would cut him from across the room.

“You got to go right back to bein' the golden pup!" Yuri snapped. “The pup I never got to be!" The wolf's ears sagged slightly, his hateful expression dulling to something soft and oddly sullen. “The pup I never could."

Yuri drew in a trembling, soft breath. The ragged breathing the only sound permeating the room as the wolf seemed to be trying to steel himself after his wild outburst. Vernon meanwhile, was staggering through his own recovery from the wolf's tirade. The admission had left him reeling. And despite Yuri being a master manipulator, and hard to read, there was no mistaking that emotional whirlwind as the truth. The truth at least how Yuri saw it.

"I-I know." Yuri muttered. "I know who I am Vernon." The wolf continued. "I've come to terms with it." The wolf sighed, running a paw through his mo-hawk in an effort to keep the now sweat-soaked fur from drifting into his face.

“I know now, that no matter what I was always gonna be trouble...even if I was an only child." Yuri glanced back at his brother as he gripped the swaths of materials between his paws. “I ain't blameless...but it was the only way I was gonna act with you in that spot." Yuri let out another tired sigh. “Alpha don't mean shit when held up to knowin' yer loved."

“Y-Yuri..." Vernon muttered. The wolf found himself unsure of how to respond. “Y-you can't mean...I mean..." The wolf struggled to find the words. “You know Ma and Pa love you."

“Not as much as you..." Yuri muttered. “Never as much as you."

Yuri raised a paw, lamely gesturing at nothing as he flopped back into his chair.

“And not just them, but the rest of the fellas too." Yuri rolled his eyes. “Always jumpin' to defend you..." The wolf shook his head dismissively. “They probably care just as much." The wolf slid deeper into his seat. Slapping his paws against the material loudly. “Because even though you weren't the last born, and even though yer the biggest wolf out of all of us now..." Yuri grumbled. “Yer always gonna be 'Puppy' to this family."

The room fell into a bitter silence as Yuri concluded his statement. The jet-black wolf now simply slumped into the mound of materials with his eyes closed. Vernon watched the wolves nostrils flare softly as he took a series of cool, calculated breaths. It was clearly a calming exercise, something Vernon was all too familiar with in his life with Dawn. Granted it was rare the ewe had to resort to it nowadays, but whenever she was nervous or overwhelmed, Vernon would catch her running through the same quiet ritual that Yuri was now undergoing. He could even see Yuri's lips moving as he silently counted through a series of numbers, the same way Dawn would have. It could have been coincidence, but it certainly added to the credibility that Yuri's therapist was indeed a real mammal, and clearly studied the same techniques Dr. Gnu had. But with Yuri lost in his exercise, it left Vernon to reflect on just what he had said.

There was truth in what Yuri said, as much as Vernon hated to admit it. While Vernon didn't necessarily agree with just 'how much' Yuri thought he was unloved, the prospect of the way a family and its roles stay with you long after you grow out of them was something he had never really given any thought to. When Vernon left for Zootopia to become an architect, it was the first time he had ever left the ranch. And in this strange new place, outside of Gus, no other mammal knew anything about him. They didn't know 'Puppy', for his better years or his worse. He was just a wolf, a stranger to most, and Vernon to others. He was an adult to everyone he met because he had met them as such. And no amount of indulging those around him with stories from his past, even the bad ones, would truly change how he was perceived now. They hadn't been there to see what happened themselves, to experience it first paw. And so, in that way, they could never truly see it the same way his relatives would have.

But whenever he returned to the ranch, it was as if he had stepped back in time. He was 'Puppy' again, with everything that implied. Of course, to Vernon that carried with it a warm familiarity, a sense of comfort and longing that he often found himself missing. It was something that drove him back to the ranch to visit almost monthly. But Vernon had never stopped to consider that not everyone might share that same feeling of warmth and pleasure when it came to slipping back into those roles.

“D'ya wanna know why I left Vern?" Yuri's sudden question broke the wolf's train of thought. “Why I took a cross-country ride fer three months instead of stayin' home and scoutin' colleges properly like Zach and Xave?"

“Why?" Vernon asked, despite feeling fairly confident in what the answer would be.

“I had to get outta there." Yuri muttered. “I needed to get away, from this family..." The wolf drew his gaze back to Vernon, flashing the wolf oddly sorrowful eyes. “From you." The wolf averted his gaze, raising his paws and dropping them listlessly to his sides. “From me..."

“You had to get away....from yerself?" Vernon asked. There was a joke to be made in there somewhere, at least Vernon's mind had thought of a couple. Most of them revolving around the general idea of 'I'd want to get away from you too.' But considering the gravity of the conversation at paw, the wolf chose to hold back for the time being, saving the barbs for just in case things suddenly went south.

Yuri crossed his arms defensively. “ I don't know..." The wolf sighed. “ I just....whether I was loved, or not, I didn't really feel it, so I left...lookin' fer something..." The wolf shrugged. “Anythin'..."

Yuri shook his head dismissively. "I needed to get away from Zootopia's little shithole of an off-ramp stop and figure some things out fer myself." The wolf lamented. "To see if there was more to me then where I fit in this pack."

The wolf leaned forward, pressing his muzzle into his clasped paws as he tapped the bridge of his snout.

“I tell ya Vern, bein' out there." Yuri sighed. “It felt liberatin', like I was a new mammal." The wolf let out a soft chuckle. “Well fer the most part."

Yuri took a deep breath, puffing his chest as he began to speak, placing a prideful fist against his breast.“I felt like this burden had been yanked right off my back. Like Animalia was my oyster and I could do whatever the hell I wanted without havin' someone just waitin' to scold me for it."

Yuri glanced at Vernon, a twinkle seeming to gleam from behind his eyes. “I mean, within' reason o' course." The wolf chuckled." I know Pa had so little faith in me durin' my little trip, he was just waitin' fer the phone call that I'd be locked up somewhere for doin' somethin'." Yuri turned to Vernon slightly, flashing the wolf a smug grin. “Not to say I didn't get into a few skirmishes on the road." Yuri took a moment to adjust his tie confidently, dusting it off with a paw. “And I won every single one mind y'all."

Vernon rolled his eyes, only to earn a derisive snort fro Yuri.

“But when I was out there, I could really think clearly fer the first time in a long time." The wolf sighed, leaning his muzzle back into his paws. “I did a bit a...what'dya call it? Soul-searchin'?"

Vernon gave a timid nod, and with the acknowledgment, Yuri continued.

“Despite everythin'..." Yuri continued. “The Hunter blood ran deep in me." The wolf sighed, letting his head droop lamely. “Or at least all that crap Pa used to teach us growin' up about honor and justice actually managed to stick somewhere in this ol' head o' mine." The wolf snorted, jabbing a finger to his temple for emphasis.

"Regardless of what Pa said about wantin' you to be his deputy, he trained us all to be in law." Yuri sighed, glancing back at Vernon from the corner of his eye. "And, call it whatever you want..." The wolf chuckled. "Brainwashin' or some deep-seated desire to appeal to the 'ol 'Mam..." Yuri rolled his eyes. "I figured I'd try and give it a go."

Sitting back up, the wolf ran a paw through his hair before resting it on his neck. "And so, 'round the middle of that trip, I decided I'd just keep drivin' till around the time when all the academies started enrollin'..." The wolf chuckled. "And whatever city I ended up in at that time, I'd set up stakes there."

Vernon furrowed his brow. “You mean, that's how you picked Seaodder?" The wolf leaned up slightly. “There weren't nothin' but random choice behind it?"

Yuri gave a genuine smile, something rather surprising to see.

"It helped that it was about as far as you could get from home." The wolf sighed pleasantly. "But that was purty much the decidin' factor." Yuri gestured with a paw. "My bike broke down just outside o' Redmound, and I didn't have the loose funds to fix it on my own. And by the time I saved up enough for the repair along with food and roomin' expenses, it was time to call Pa and enroll somewhere."

Yuri shook his head, a mischievous smirk crossing his muzzle. “I can still remember dialin' up the ol' 'Mam." Yuri glanced back at Vernon with an expectant look. “Still remember how he answered the phone."

“How?" Vernon asked, his curiosity piqued.

Yuri chuckled. “He opened with, 'Well this ain't a collect call, so I'm already pleasantly surprised.'"

Vernon wasn't sure if it was okay to chuckle along with the wolf, instead opting to settle for a simple grin. Considering Yuri's personality, it seemed like a pretty logical conclusion on Dorian's part to assume any call from Yuri at that time might have meant trouble, and while their father could sometimes be rather blunt, it was still surprising even for the ol' Mam just how honest his statement was at the onset.

Yuri shook his head as he continued to chuckle. “Ada never gets tired of hearin' that line. It still cracks her up."

“Wow..." Vernon muttered. “When you mentioned you thought Pa might have pegged you gettin' locked up before school, I didn't think y'all meant it." The wolf lied. After all, he and the remaining Hunter pack still at the ranch often joked about pinnin' down the date the mugshot would show up on Pa's computer.

Yuri lolled his head back, letting out a tired sigh. “Don't patronize me Vern." Yuri replied. “The whole of the North Meadowlands was placin' bets on when I was gonna end up on the opposite side of the bars the family was used to dealin' with, let alone what the rest of y'all were thinkin'."

Vernon shrank into his shoulders, letting out a quiet, guilty hiss. It was like the wolf had read his mind, and in turn, the sudden surprise call out had forced a genuine response to the surface. But Yuri didn't seem to notice, or desire to linger on catching him, instead pressing forward with his own story.

“O'course, Pa was more than happy to pay out any lodgin' fer me at that point." Yuri sighed. “Seein' how most police academies tend to waive tuition if you got cops in the family, the price of the place wasn't a concern of Pa's." The wolf smirked. “And Ma was just 'dee-lighted' I was goin' to school." Yuri feigned a smile as he stretched out the word, mimicking their mother's tone. "Hell, I remember after Pa mentioned to Ma who was on the phone, she was on the line in two seconds flat, frettin' over whether I was alright or if I needed pickin' up...I..." Yuri shook his head.

“It certainly felt...different. A good kinda different." The wolf flashed Vernon a genuine smile.

With that, Yuri placed his paws behind his head, leaning back into the spools as he let out a pleasant sigh. Out of the corner of his eye, he managed to catch Vernon's gaze again.

“Livin' and workin' in Seaotter..." Yuri muttered. “It helped me figure out what kinda mammal I was, what I wanted outta life, and who I wanted to be." The wolf raised a paw, gesturing with it in a dismissive small circle. “And while that mammal turned out to be...well..."

"Still kind of a dick?" Vernon asked, only to get another glare from Yuri. But the piercing gaze was short-lived, the wolf letting out a huff as he crossed his arms and turned away.

“Aggressive, reckless, and a bad comedian." Yuri spat. “At least that's how my partner Lance would tell it."

Vernon did his best to stifle a snicker, but Yuri clearly caught it, flashing the wolf a sneer.

“Stringy, shrimpy little twerp of a stag." Yuri muttered, letting out another snort despite trying to hide a smirk of his own.

“The point is." Yuri closed his eyes. A warm, genuine smile crossing his muzzle as he leaned back into the pile of spools once more. “It was just...I mean, to be in a place where the only thing anyone had to go on when meetin' me the first time was that a highly respected sheriff had more or less vouched fer me to get me into the academy." The wolf shook his head softly.“Out there I wasn't carryin' all this baggage, this history fer mammals to pick and choose from to decide who I was before even utterin' a damn word." The wolf shook his head. “And fer the most part the work I put in at the precinct spoke louder than my...ahem...'abrasive personality'." The wolf grimaced as he uttered the phrase, telling Vernon that the description, like Lance's, wasn't his own assessment.

The black-furred wolf looked back at Vernon, wearing that unnaturally pleading expression that managed to shake Vernon's guard when it came to trusting how sincere the wolf could actually be. “Fer once I wasn't the worst mammal in the world before I even uttered a word." The wolf muttered.

The statement had left Vernon somewhat stupefied. Was this how Yuri actually felt about everything? Was this the honest to the gods truth or was it just another game for the wolf to play at? Either way, it left Vernon struggling to come up with some sort of reply. Should he be trying to comfort his brother after making himself seem so vulnerable, or should he remain guarded?

But if the wolf was interested in getting input at that moment, he certainly didn't seem it. Instead, the wolf simply continued his story as he nestled his head back into the mound of spools.

“Even the first suspension didn't really change things fer me." The wolf muttered. Placing a paw to his brow. “I was still pretty green at that point, and I went a little too far off book for my Superior Officer's liking." Yuri shook his head.

"O' course, our precinct considers that sorta thing a hazin' ritual anyway." The wolf gestured his paw lamely at Vernon. You ain't really a true Seaodder cop unless y'all have bent the rules once or twice to get the job done." Yuri sighed. "Well, as long as you ain't stealin' drugs from the evidence locker anyway..." The wolf said with a chuckle.

“And more importantly..." Yuri glanced back to Vernon, that oddly sorrowful expression returning as he spoke. “Bein' out there made me confident that if I could change...or grow-up or whatever..." The wolf murmured. “That maybe the family could too."

Yuri's attention returned to the ceiling as he slipped his paws behind his head. “Maybe I'd even make the family proud to some degree." The wolf closed his eyes again, drawing a deep, slow breath. “And based on what Ma and Pa had to say when the came out to visit or called, I knew they were...to some extent.“

“But...I just couldn't bring myself to visit back home..." Yuri muttered quietly. “Not even fer just a day."

Vernon could already see where Yuri was going with his train of thought, but the wolf couldn't stop himself. There was a sense that if he didn't ask the question, Yuri might not be able to muster the desire to continue opening up to him.

“Why?" Vernon asked quietly.

Yuri opened one golden eye, his iris settling on Vernon momentarily before his gaze shifted away again.

"Look..." The wolf sighed. "Don't get me wrong. Havin' Ma and Pa visit me out in Seaotter was...actually purty nice." The wolf muttered. "I actually...I enjoyed myself." The wolf sighed. "It made me just a little hopeful...but not enough to come out the ranch because..." The wolf shook his head, letting out a long, tired sigh before continuing.

"Because, I was afraid that if I went back..." The wolf released his paw, allowing his mo-hawk to spring back into place as he dropped his arm lamely to his side. "Everythin' would just play out the way it always did." The wolf muttered. "And I'd be right back in that...damn place." The wolf snorted. "That cold, miserable place."

The wolf shook his head dismissively before placing his other paw to his brow. “But there was the other part of me that kept tellin' myself things had changed too much to go back to the way they were. I was a different mammal now." The wolf sighed. “Or so I thought."

Yuri's piercing yellow glare found Vernon's gaze again, the familiar flicker of ire behind the lens returning. “Then I got to hearin' Ma prattle on and on about y'all left the ranch to become an architect."

Yuri's jovial demeanor had evaporated so quickly it was almost enough to give Vernon whiplash. Not only had the expression on his face reverted to the usual one of revulsion and disdain, but the tension in the air had flooded in so rapidly it was almost suffocating. Alarms were going off in Vernon's head, and along with them the wolf's guard immediately shot back up. Once again, Vernon found himself taking note of the exit, and reaffirming the quickest way around Yuri and out should the situation get worse.

“And what did Pa do?" Yuri hissed, his muzzle bridge crinkling to expose his fangs. “He just up and let you go!"

“Pa didn't just 'let me go'!" The wolf growled back. “He refused to support my choice in careers! He fought me tooth and nail on not goin' to the Police Academy" Vernon crossed his arms defensively. “In the end, I mostly had to pay my own way to pursue bein' an architect and get where I am!"

Yuri crossed his arms. "Like Ma wasn't sneakin' you money on the side when she could!" The wolf sneered.

“Why does what I do with my life matter to you so much!? Huh!?" Vernon snapped back. “It's my life ain't it!?" The wolf huffed. “Ain't like you'd let anyone stop you if that's what you wanted to do!"

“Because you ruined everythin' fer me!" Yuri snarled, rising partially out of his seat. In response, Vernon leaned one of his feet against the floor, preparing himself for the sprint to safety he was certain he'd have to make.

“The way everyone reacted to what y'all did... All it did was show me that nothin' had changed at all when it came to this family!" Yuri continued, his muzzle quivering as he bared his fangs."That life at the Hunter Ranch was the same as it always was! And I was a damn fool for thinkin' I was gonna make a dent in my reputation if even after leavin' everyone in this family was still kissin' yer ass!"

Yuri's hateful gaze remained fixed on Vernon as his breathing grew increasingly ragged. His eyelids tightened around his piercing yellow eyes as a low growl began to thrum in his throat.

"And that was all Ma could talk about after." Yuri hissed. "All everyone in this damn family could!" The jet-black furred wolf huffed, his breathing growing heavier as he tightly balled his fists.

“Every update about the family from then on started with you." Yuri sneered. “How Vernon was farin' in Zootopia! How stubborn Pa was bein'! How wild it was that one of us was goin' fer somethin' other than a law job!"

The wolf was almost trembling now, the ire inside clearly reaching a boiling point as he clutched at the spools of material that made up his chair.

“The attention was back on you....hell I was stupid to think it was ever off you." The wolf seethed.

“Family, attention, the golden pup. Even when I was in Seaotter it was like I had been dragged back to that damn farm in my head. Those damn calls hangin' over my mind fer days while I tried to do my damn job!" Yuri's growling slowly began to shift into more of a whine as the wolf slipped back into his seat. His grip loosening on the spools as he slumped back into the mound of material. Before Vernon knew it, Yuri was back to counting each methodically deep breath as he worked to calm himself.

Vernon was once again left in a mixture of shock and confusion. Was it okay to let his guard down again, to take his eyes off his means of escape? For the time being, it appeared the bomb that was Yuri's temper had somehow diffused itself. And after holding on long enough for Yuri's labored breathing to become somewhat stable, Vernon's initial wariness began to fade in favor of a strange, growing sense of sympathy. Whether it was a performance or not, the whole affair was visibly taking a great deal out of the wolf. His panting persisting even after the countdown had long since completed, the low gasping punctuated with the occasional gulp as he lay back in the pile of spools with his eyes closed.

Glancing around the room, Vernon noticed an half-empty opened pack of bottled water sitting on another mound of fabric and old furniture. It was something that was no doubt used to stock the drink machine he had seen out front. Leaning in his seat, Vernon snagged two bottles of 'Tundratown ice' water out of the case, slipping one into Yuri's paw before easing back into his own seat and unscrewing the cap. Vernon watched the dark-wolf open his eyes at the sudden contact, his pupils darting to the bottle in his paws momentarily before finding their way back to Vernon.

“I thought y'all might be parched...so..." Vernon rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “It ain't cold, but it's not exactly hot in here so it should be fine..."

Yuri simply stared at the wolf for a moment, blinking a few times before leaning up in his seat and uncapping the water. Vernon watched as the wolf took a long sip, taking in about a quarter of the water inside the container before pulling it away from his muzzle and letting out a satisfied sounding sigh. Capping the liquid, the wolf leaned back into the spools, letting the bottle rest on his chest as he returned to staring at the ceiling.

“That's how I got my second suspension Vern..." Yuri grumbled.

“What?" Vernon scrunched his muzzle in confusion. “Wait, yer blamin' me fer you gettin' suspended too now?"

Yuri sighed as he leaned forward, his head drooping in his lap as he leaned his elbows on his knees.

“You were in Zootopia fer a year I think." Yuri muttered. “Datin' that arctic wolf, remember her?"

“Anjou?" Vernon asked, taking a swig of his own drink as he quirked a brow.

“That's the one." Yuri smirked. “The one Ma said had more fluff between her ears then brains."

“Ma said that?" Vernon quirked a brow. Yuri simply rolled his eyes.

“I mean she was right..." Vernon admitted, rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably. “But still..."

"Fact of the matter is she kept goin' on and on about how you were workin' yer tail off." Yuri cut the wolf off, setting his water aside before crossing his arms defensively. "Livin' with Gus, workin' night shifts at a fast food place to pay yer own way as much as y'all could." The wolf raised his paws, wiggling his fingers as he feigned an inspired looking expression. "Oooh...how damn novel of you." Yuri scoffed.

"Barely even congratulated me on breakin' up a huge night howler drug syndicate that same week." Yuri snorted. "The case that led me to meetin' Ada." The wolf scoffed. "By that point, we were just startin' out datin', but Ma glossed over that and went right back to you!"

The jet-black wolf lowered his gaze back at Vernon, squinting slightly as that familiar glimmer of hate returned.

“For the next two weeks that conversation just kept replayin' in my head, over and over..." Yuri muttered. Vernon could see the wolf's fists balling tightly around some of the stray clumps of fabric as he spoke. “And over again..."

Yuri closed his eyes, taking a deep of breath and holding it once again before slowly letting it out. The wolf's nostrils flared as he seemed to silently mutter something inaudible. Vernon watched the wolf fumble for his water without looking, making a few lame grasps at the fabric behind him before snagging the drink. In a blink, the wolf swigged another quarter of the bottle down, letting out a pleasant sigh as he capped the bottle and tossed it back onto the spool.

“I was able to keep my cool up until this..." Yuri let out a terse sigh. “Routine bust went all sideways on us." The wolf took in another deep breath, holding it for a few moments before letting it out. Vernon could hear his brother shudder as he exhaled.

“The dealer made a break for it." Yuri growled. “And since old spindly detective Eckhart was pitiful in a chase, it was up to me to catch the guy."

Yuri took in another shuddering breath. “And when I caught up to the guy..." Yuri continued. “ I pinned him to the ground, only to find out the guy was a wolf."

The wolf's eyes opened, those familiar piercing yellow eyes boring into Vernon's own as Yuri grit his teeth.

"A wolf who looked an awful lot like you..."

Vernon gulped quietly, biting his lower lip in order to keep from breaking into a full wince. Whatever picture Yuri was about to paint, was certainly not going to be a pleasant one.

“And he made the mistake of throwing a punch."The wolf placed his head in his paws, covering his eyes as he let out a sharp exhale.

“Yuri..." Vernon muttered.

In a flash, Yuri snapped his head out of his paws, his now wild eyes locked on Vernon, causing the wolf to jump in his seat.“I just rutting snapped!" Yuri spat, a frenzied look on his muzzle. “I just kept beating him again and again." The wolf mimicked the bludgeoning with his fist, pantomiming the blunt movements with one arm while catching the fist in his other paw. “Eventually two other officers managed to pull me off, but I was snarling and thrashing until they got me back to my squad car."

Yuri let out an uncomfortable chuckle, the awkward sounding laugh sounding particularly unnerving after Yuri's rather disturbing tale. “They actually tested me for night-howler exposure when they got me back to the station..." The wolf muttered. “That's how buck-wild I had gone on that fella."

“Sweet Sawgrass..." Vernon uttered in horror and disbelief. After all, he, along with the rest of his brothers loved to use Yuri's suspensions to get under his pelt for his usual remarks. But Vernon had never known the details. As far as he was concerned it was simply ammo to sling back at Yuri and nothing more. But after his horrid retelling of events, and the reasoning behind it, Vernon felt sick. Not just because of how extreme it had turned out to be, but because of who Yuri had been picturing during the whole affair.

"And that's when I was ordered to take mandatory therapy." Yuri sighed, slumping back into his seat with a listless flop.

“I...uh..." Vernon stammered, trying to regain some sort of footing in the conversation after that unsettling confession. “I imagine that didn't go well..."

Yuri sighed. "Goin' to therapy was like gettin' teeth yanked." Yuri grumbled. " I didn't see anything wrong with me. And I wasn't keen on openin' up to some little, wet rat who looked like my third-grade teacher." The wolf scoffed, throwing up a paw. "And what's worse was that Ada was supportive of it!"

“Why is that so bad?' Vernon asked.

“It ain't I guess..." Yuri muttered. “I mean, we hadn't been together that long but she picked up on my family issues real quick cause she recognized 'em and was fixin' to help." Yuri shrugged.

“No, I meant like..what's wrong with therapy?" Vernon continued, taking a sip of his water. “Ain't like goin' to therapy is somethin' to be ashamed of these days."

Yuri glared back at the wolf. “You got a therapist Vern?" The wolf hissed.

“W-well no..." Vernon replied. “But Dawn does." The confidence in Vernon's tone steadily increasing as he spoke. “I mean, it's done a lot fer her, and old Dr. Gnu is a swell guy." The wolf shrugged. “If I ever needed one, I'd be fixin' to see him."

Yuri scoffed. “Y'all remember who yer talkin' to right?" The wolf muttered.

Vernon simply rolled his eyes.

“Either way that's more or less what Ada said." Yuri gestured at the air with a paw. “Except instead of talkin' about yer lil' sheep, she was talkin' about her own experiences in therapy, and how it helped her deal with her family issues."

“And it...?" Vernon spoke softly, the wolf trying to be as careful with his words as possible. “Eventually helped you right?" The wolf asked.

Yuri shook his head dismissively. "Not at first." Yuri grumbled, leaning on a paw. "I wasn't open to it." Yuri sighed. "I didn't trust that shell cracker as far as I could throw her, so I tried lyin' long enough to get my free pass back to work." The wolf huffed.

“I take it by the way y'all phrased that, it didn't exactly go according to plan?" Vernon asked incredulously.

“No..." Yuri grumbled, crossing his paws defensively. “She saw right through me..." The wolf huffed. “The lyin' I mean. Not the stuff she was actually diggin' fer."

Yuri let out a sigh as he ran a paw through his mane of head fur, his eyes wandering back to the ceiling as he recounted his therapy. "By the time my suspension was supposed to be up, the only reason she gave my boss the okay fer me to return was on the condition that I agree to keep up the weekly appointments until she 'pried open this oyster'." Yuri grumbled, throwing Vernon a glance as he lowered his brows. “Her words."

Vernon chuckled. “Otter, I take it."

Yuri rolled his eyes. “They call the place 'Seaotter' fer a reason." The wolf muttered. “Place is lousy with aquatic rats."

“So what happened with her?" Vernon asked. “You say y'all opened up eventually?"

Yuri furrowed his brow. “Eventually Vern." The wolf muttered. “A very long eventually."

"I had only bein' seein' Miss Banks fer about half a year when Ma started pressurin' me about comin' home for the reunion that year, and introducin' Ada." Yuri sighed. "And when Ada caught wind of it, despite my best efforts at preventin' it, she got all excited about it." The wolf crossed his arms. "O'course I couldn't tell her y'all were the reason I was going to therapy in the first place." The wolf shrugged. "But she was so damn persistent...Both her and Ma...So I ended up cavin'."

Yuri reached for his water, taking a smaller sip than his previous ones before pointing the open bottle at Vernon. The jet-black wolf quirked an eyebrow.

"I'm assumin' y'all remember that particular reunion?" Yuri muttered.

Vernon gave the wolf a dull, half-lidded gaze. "I remember."

It wasn't hard to recall meeting Ada for the first time. The fear Vernon had been holding onto during the weeks leading up to that visit had left a strong enough impression on him to permanently etch the entire affair into his memory. He could remember the feel of rising dread as he rode the train that day, the gnawing unease at not only having to see Yuri for the first time since he had left for college, but that he was bringing a 'friend' along.

The prospect that some mammal had found Yuri appealing was nearly impossible for Vernon to wrap his mind around, and if Yuri were to be believed, that mammal could only be as awful and twisted as he was. At least, that was Vernon's reasoning at the time. Of course, being one of the first to arrive made the wait that much more agonizing to endure. The wolf found himself unable to fully unwind knowing that Yuri would be along at any moment to spoil the whole trip. Not that it wasn't already uncomfortable enough with Dorian's judgmental grunts and glares every time the topic of Vernon's schooling came up.

Watching Yuri guide the imposing looking hyena in the dark, spike studded jacket into the family dining hall was almost like watching an officer leading an inmate down to her cell. At that moment she gave off the kind of aura that told Vernon she would bite his head off if he made the mistake of even breathing in her general direction. But that image immediately shattered the moment she started talking. The nervous bouts of cackling coupled with her attempts at cheesy jokes to break the ice completely removed any preconceived notions Vernon had spent hours building up in preparation to protect himself from her. Unlike Yuri, Ada had turned out to be a blast to be around, which had only left Vernon to ponder just why a girl like her had decided to be with his bitter and hateful brother in the first place.

The whole time Yuri had done little to paint any sort of picture of himself that wasn't what Vernon already knew him for. Although he had started out remaining largely silent, limiting his vocabulary to simple grumbles and quiet conversations with Ada. It didn't take long for the Yuri he already knew to start shining through. His crass jokes, and put-downs had remained just as biting and nasty as the wolf remembered. Even with his best efforts at keeping up with Yuri, and throwing whatever he could back at him, including the suspension, it did nothing but manage to worsen the trip. And while his mother and brothers had done their best to defend Vernon, the wolf ended up making a promise to himself never to go to a reunion where Yuri was present ever again. To do anything and everything in his power to avoid the wolf until his dying day if possible.

"I remember..." Vernon repeated, his brow furrowing as he lowered his gaze on Yuri. "After that trip, I made a mental note to try my hardest never to show up fer a reunion you were at."

Yuri cracked a smile, the wolf letting out a dull chuckle as he regarded Vernon before taking another sip of his water.

“You ain't the only one Vern..." The wolf shook his head. “Or did y'all even notice?"

Vernon's muzzle crinkled in confusion. “What?"

“I came back from that trip not only with Ada lovin' our little family." The wolf hissed. “But takin' a weird little shine to you especially..."

Yuri capped his bottle, tossing it aside again before crossing his arms and letting out a huff. "She saw you like the rest of 'em did, and took to y'all like you were her best friend." The wolf hissed. "We actually almost broke up over it..."

“Broke up?" Vernon quirked an eyebrow. “Yuri, she's like a sister to me, you know I was never going-."

"You think I'm sayin' I thought you was gonna steal my girl!?" The wolf let out a barking laugh, slapping his paw with a knee in amusement. "Like you'd have a chance!" Yuri snickered.

“Oh!" The wolf ears sagged slightly. “Well...I mean...you don't have to laugh that hard." Vernon grumbled, slipping his water to his side and crossing his arms as he leaned back into his chair.

“Naw...naw..." Yuri said, wiping a tear from his eye as the last of his laughter died away.

"Naw, see...after that trip, it proved to me that nothin' back there had changed fer me." The wolf leaned up on his knees, resting his chin on a paw as he stared off at nothing in particular. "Fer me it was the final nail. The last straw." The wolf shook his head. "I was dead set on never goin' home again, and puttin' myself in a place where the only thing fer me is that role y'all put me in by default."

The wolf let out a tired sigh, pawing at his eyes softly as he continued.

“But Ada wanted us to go back whenever we could." Yuri grumbled. “Because she...She got to be like me comin' to Seaodder..." The wolf glanced back at Vernon, his yellow eyes uncomfortably sorrowful looking. “ Whatever thought's y'all had about her ya left 'em at the door. And everyone just took her on like she was part of the family at the drop of a hat." The wolf sneered slightly. "It made it all that much harder to endure."

With that, Yuri turned away from Vernon, his expressions now hidden with his back facing the wolf as he went on.

"So after months of bickerin', and pressure from the therapist, I made an agreement with myself that Ada was worth enough to stick out dealin' with y'all a few times a year." The wolf muttered. "But I didn't tell her that from then on, I was gonna be doin' my damnedest to make sure we missed the ones you were going to."

"Me?" Vernon laughed. "You mean, we-I?" The wolf's snickering continued, albeit in an awkward manner as he absorbed Yuri's confession.

“Wow..." Vernon let out an amused sigh, slowly leaning back into his chair.

“If I had known that, I wouldn't have needed to waste so much effort on my part to avoid you." The wolf let out another chuckle, but it trailed off as the deeper, underlying message began to filter into Vernon's mind. One that had built on what Yuri had said earlier, about his young self so long ago. That had stayed with him strongly enough that he felt the need to take it out on some strung out young wolf that looked a little too much like himself for Yuri's tastes.

“You really do hate me, don't you?" Vernon chuckled weakly.

“And you don't hate me?" Was the response that came from the dark furred wolf.

Vernon fell silent, the two wolves simply sitting in the now stilted, uncomfortable air for what seemed like ages as Vernon silently mulled over everything Yuri had told him. The wolf's skepticism was fading fast in the face of the massive deluge that was his brother's confession.

The story seemed far too elaborate and well thought out to be a twisted and manipulative prank. For whatever reason, Yuri was bearing his soul, to Vernon of all mammals. The wolf who had spent his own youth making sure that Vernon's was that much worse. Who's very existence had prevented the family ranch from ever truly being a safe haven to come back to when the cruelty of the outside world had proven too much to bear. And after he had left home, it was the looming shadow of Yuri's presence hanging over Vernon's head that had kept the wolf from visiting home for more times than he would have liked to admit. That had been more than enough evidence, in Vernon's opinion, to have Yuri's behavior pegged for life as a hateful troublemaker, who was dead set on making Vernon's life miserable at every opportunity.

But it was that same line of thinking that could easily be blamed for simply never being open to the prospect of Yuri reaching out. Of being anything other the exact same mammal, no matter how much time had passed. Judged by not only Vernon, but the entire family with a slate that never washed away. It reminded Vernon vaguely of his own thought process when he had chosen to rebel against society after losing Dawn. That awful feeling of being held up against the prejudiced, preconceived expectation of those around you to the point where it's easier to give up, and simply be the monster everyone expected you to be.

“Those ones I was at..." Yuri broke the silence, pulling the wolf's attention back from his own thoughts. “And you weren't..."

Vernon could see the wolf's back shudder slightly as he let out a terse sigh.

“They weren't perfect..." Yuri glanced over his shoulder, his yellow iris meeting Vernon's own with a serious stare. “But they were a lot easier to get through." The wolf shrugged as he averted his gaze once more. “Fer a while anyway..."

“Up until Zach's tithe right?" Vernon murmured. The gaps were quickly starting to close up in Vernon's mind as everything Yuri was saying began to slide into place.

Yuri's had seemed to nod in acknowledgment.

“Had to be there..." Yuri hissed. “Everyone had to." The wolf shook his head. “I knew it was gonna be a disaster, but I knew there weren't gonna be any excuse that Ma would take to let me out o' goin'.

“Same..." Vernon replied. “Not that I was going to miss Zach's tithe fer anything...I just mean-"

"I know." Yuri muttered, holding up a paw. "Part of me wanted to go fer Zach's sake..." Yuri slowly eased back into his seat, raising an eyebrow at the wolf as he turned to appraise him. "Part o' me...cares..."

Vernon placed a paw to his muzzle, listening intently as the wolf continued. His eyes had shifted back to the curtain as he let out another sigh.

“I think we can both agree it was a shit show." Yuri muttered. “And that was on me." Yuri glanced to Vernon from the corner of his eye. “I ain't passin' the buck on that one."

Vernon sucked in a sharp breath of air through parted teeth. Yuri's 'toast' had certainly been an uncomfortable scene. His belligerent mixture of a tirade of cruel jokes and implications laid out at Vernon's expense had gotten Vernon's blood boiling so badly that he packed up and left the next day without so much as a word.

"I was still reelin' from the hangover when Ada dragged me back to the airport the next mornin..." Yuri sighed. "And between fightin' with her and dealin' with what I did on the job...well... let's just say it wasn't too long a'fore I was suspended again."

“Number three..." Vernon muttered.

Yuri gave a simple nod. “I was already going to therapy, so they added 'anger management classes' on top of it." The wolf made air quotes with his fingers. “And Ada was furious."

Yuri placed a paw on his forehead as he leaned back into the fabric pile. "She was right too." The wolf sighed. "I wasn't bein' open with her. And she almost left me over it." Yuri's paw slid down, covering his eyes in the process. "I...couldn't...I didn't want to lose her."

“Because you love her. Right?" Vernon asked, smirking slightly.

Yuri's fingers parted slightly, allowing his eye to fall on Vernon.

“Don't tell her I said it." The wolf seemed to be hiding a smile. “But...o'course I love her."

Vernon rolled his eyes, doing his best to stifle a chuckle at Yuri's attempt to hold on to some semblance of his remaining bravado.

“So I Alpha'd up and told her everythin'," Yuri shut the seam he had made between his finger, hiding his eye once again as he continued to speak. “About how much seein' the family bugs me." The wolf snorted. “About how much seein' you bugs me, and how they treat the both of us. About havin' my mistakes thrown in my face every damn time I go home!"

The wolf pulled his paw free of his face, allowing it to listlessly flop to his side as he stared off at the ceiling.

“Everythin' I'm tellin' you now." The wolf glanced at Vernon once again, his golden irises finding Vernon's own. “And y'know what she said?"

“What?" Vernon asked.

“She told me that the only way thing are gonna change is if I be honest with y'all." The wolf replied. “That she weren't no therapist, but the ball was in my court when it came to actually makin' a change." The wolf muttered. “From her perspective, she believed y'all were good folks, and if I actually opened up things might...change fer the better."

Yuri eased up into his seat, leaning on his knees once again as he let out a sigh.

“And when I managed to tell the therapist, she felt the same way." The wolf glanced at Vernon, raising a brow dubiously. “With a few exceptions."

Vernon furrowed his brow in confusion. “What kind of exceptions?"

“Well, Miss Banks said that from what I told her, that the crux of everythin' is our relationship." Yuri gestured between himself and Vernon with a lazy paw. “I get angry and irritated when I feel the family is bendin' over backwards fer you, or defendin' you. So I lash out like when I was a pup." Yuri muttered, gesturing his paw back toward Vernon again. “And then, based on what she knew about y'all, said that in-turn, you get angry at me fer me givin' you shit." The wolf placed his paw back onto his knee. “And you either remind me of the shit I did as a pup, or the family does, and how little I've changed."

“She's saying...we're feeding each other's behavior at this point?" Vernon asked.

“At this point." Yuri replied. “Back in the day it might have been different. But now..."

“Bu-You...I di-..." Vernon struggled to rebuff the wolf's assertion. But as the therapist's 'prognosis' meshed in among the rest of the wolf's earlier statements, it became increasingly hard to argue a point against the otter's reasoning.

“Face it Vern, we bring out the worst in each other..." Yuri continued. “And it's all we know how to do."

Yuri was right. His therapist was right. As startling as it was to conceive, and as guilty as Yuri was of his own role in this self-sustaining cycle, Vernon was guilty too, even if his role was comparatively smaller in his own eyes. Vernon had become used to fighting Yuri, to having his retorts and one-liners ready well in advance of having to face any interaction with him. He had given up long ago on trying anything else, or even thinking of trying to deal with the wolf any other way.

“How was I..?" Vernon shook his head. “What did you..?" The wolf struggled to reply. Too many questions, all struggling to get out of his muzzle at once and colliding in his throat before withering out as incomplete sentences.

“Y-you never told me any of this." Vernon finally managed to reply, blinking dumbly at the jet-black wolf across from him."We never talked. W-we never..."

“I was never the talkin' type Vern." Yuri replied. “Hell I wouldn't be admittin' this to ya know if it weren't fer...I promised her."

Vernon furrowed his brow. “Ada?"

Yuri gave a slow nod.

“Miss Banks gave me two options." Yuri spun toward Vernon, leaning on his knees as he eyed the wolf. “Either cut the family out entirely." Yuri's muzzle tilted to the floor as he averted his gaze. “Or try and fix the problem by openin' up to the 'source' and workin' outward."

“And by 'source'...you mean..." Vernon pointed at himself with a weak, withering paw, only to receive an affirmative nod from the jet-black wolf.

“O'course I was against both options." The wolf sighed. “I was sure if I tried to bring it up, I'd either hackle things up or ultimatly get nowhere..." The wolf placed a paw to his temple. “But I couldn't bring myself to just...to just say to hell with y'all."

The wolf placed a paw on his neck, rubbing it uneasily as he glanced up and away from the wolf.

“As rutted up as this situation is..." The wolf muttered. “As rutted up as I am..." Yuri shook his head. “I...I care about my family."

The wolf let out a dull chuckle as he ran his paw back over his mo-hawk, stopping to rub his head before allowing his arm to slip back to his side.

“Ada knew that..." Yuri shook his head. “Which is why she agreed that I needed to 'Alpha up' and actually...say this shit to you." The wolf sighed. “That I owed it to myself, and to y'all to work things out. To finally get this weight off my shoulders and clear the air when I was ready."

“In fact...that's...was sort of the reason I decided to come out to this reunion."

Vernon drew backward slightly, his expression one of mild disbelief. “To have this talk?"

“And as y'all can tell by our faces..."The wolf muttered, gesturing between the wolves accumulated bruises and cuts from the day before. “I hackled things up that much worse fer tryin'." The wolf shook his head. “Just like I figured I would."

Vernon let out a barking laugh. “You mean to tell me that y'all beatin' me up was you tryin' to make things right!?" The wolf scoffed.

“I got drunk okay!" Yuri snapped back, crossing his arms defensively. “I was tryin' to muster the courage up to even try to approach makin' things better, and I needed the help!"

“Some help." Vernon retorted. “And considering how you behaved before the drinking I can't say-."

"I came out here with the best of intentions dammit!" Yuri hissed. "I wanted to surprise Ada and the family, and really try at turnin' over a new leaf." The wolf placed a paw to his temple. "But the second I saw you yesterday mornin' I slipped right back into it!" The wolf gestured his paws dramatically at the wolf across from him. "I tried but I just- I could-!" The wolf shook his head. "All that talk about yer new girl, knowin' who she was and that Pa was pissed!" The wolf directed a paw at Vernon. "That part of me, that deep seated part buried inside couldn't resist playin' into it further." Yuri let out a harsh, exaggerated breath. "To keep that wedge forced in there to make sure that this time everyhtin' didn't work out like it always did. To make sure Pa didn't eventually just give in and...ARGH!" Yuri clamped his paws to his head. "And so much fer that beca-!"

The wolf stopped short of finishing his sentence, letting out a harsh breath as he went back to counting down his breathing. The drawn-out, methodical exhales slowly but surely calming down the wolf to a point where he could continue. With the final, long breath the wolf's paws slipped off his head, coming down to brace themselves on his knees once more as he opened his eyes. His gaze returning to Vernon's own.

“Ada was right about somethin' else too." Yuri muttered. “Few things actually."

Vernon quirked a brow curiously. “What about?"

Yuri clasped his paws together, leaning in slightly as his attention returned to the floor.

“After that brawl, while you were hashin' things out with Pa...we had a huge fight about everythin'." Yuri muttered. “I told her what I was tryin' to do, but how hard it was to make good on it." The wolf glanced up at Vernon briefly, his golden eyes looking strangely sullen as he spoke. “Especially with things goin' the way they were." Yuri shook his head.

“The fact that Pa wasn't bendin' on givin' in to you was...just too satisfyin' fer me...the version of me that lives here." Yuri pointed a claw at the floor. “But Ada..."

“She just...she hit me with somethin' I'd never really given much thought about before..." The wolf turned his attention to the floor, his elbows resting on his knees as he studied the gritty looking rug.

"That if the tables were turned." Yuri sighed. "If it was me fightin' tooth and nail fer the right to get tithed to Ada." Yuri glanced back to Vernon, his eyes shimmering softly as he met Vernon's gaze. "Regardless of how we get along, you'd stand up to defend us."

Vernon was taken aback momentarily by yet another odd admission from the wolf. The words almost seemed to carry some sort of emotion other than a simple acknowledgment. Perhaps respect, or a begrudged sense of appreciation. But in that moment, Vernon felt as though Yuri was giving off the briefest glimmer of something resembling care. Care toward the brother he admittedly disliked most of all.

“O-of course Yuri..." Vernon murmured. “I mean...I do...er..." Vernon glanced at his feet for a moment. There was no easy way to say this, but it was the truth.

“Look...I don't hate you Yuri." The wolf glanced back up at his brother. “To answer yer earlier question."

Yuri furrowed his brow, flashing the wolf a dubious glance.

“I love you, as a brother." Vernon said. “But I...really don't like you. As a person."

In spite of Vernon's admission, Yuri cracked a wide, genuine smile.

“That's the other thing Ada was right about." Yuri chuckled.

“Wait, what?" Vernon replied.

Yuri shook his head dismissively. “After all this talk, all this openin' up." The wolf brushed a paw through his mo-hawk briskly. “I still don't like you either."

Vernon couldn't help but laugh.

“I mean I love y'all as my brother." Yuri smirked. “But as a person...y'all drive me nuts."

Yuri's smile faltered slightly as he turned his attention back to the floor, the wolf placing his paws together as he studied the faded, torn up rug at his feet. “So much fer therapy huh?"

Yuri idly kicked a foot at one of the loose spools laying on the floor, letting out a snort.

“All that work tryin' to put things in perspective..."The wolf muttered. “All the arguments with Ada." Yuri glanced back at Vernon, a genuine frown crossing his muzzle as he spoke. “Even after she put it all in perspective for me last night....I don't feel like anythin's changed." The wolf sighed. “It's like there weren't even a point to it all."

“Hey..." Vernon said softly, drawing Yuri's attention back to the wolf.

“Look, I..." Vernon muttered, shaking his head. “What you did today was a huge step." The wolf continued. “You shouldn't short change yourself for actually going through with it."

Yuri simply let out a low grumble in response.

"Makin' a big change, especially when it comes to somethin' so deep-rooted on yer inside, ain't somethin' y'all can just fix in a day." Vernon continued. "I know that enough from what Dawn's told me about her sessions with her own therapist. And I don't doubt that in the slightest."

"But that said, I'm proud of you for takin' that step." Vernon said, offering the wolf a soft smile. "Not that I haven't been proud of you before."

Yuri quirked an eyebrow. “Huh?"

“What, you don't think I'm proud of your accomplishments just because we don't get along?" Vernon continued. “I know fer a fact that with every one of those suspensions y'all got equal if not more accolades to back 'em up." The wolf said with a smirk.

Yuri tilted his head slightly. “Wait, what?"

“That drug syndicate you broke up, hell you had to work against some of the cops in yer own precinct to take that mess down." Vernon chuckled. “How many crooked cops you end up rootin' out in the process?"

“Fourteen." Yuri replied. “But who told y'all-?"

“You forgot Ma calls me too right?" Vernon chuckled. “ I probably hear just as much about what you and the others do as you hear about me and then some."

Yuri's eyes seemed to flicker momentarily, a hint of moisture glossing over his yellow eyes before he began to blink rapidly in a clear effort to shoo them away.

“And Y'all should take pride in that too." Vernon continued. “And you got Ada." The wolf raised a finger, waiving it at the black wolf warily. “Which I might add, y'all would be a fool to ever let that gal go."

Yuri's smile broadened to reveal his teeth, his chest swelling slightly as he placed a paw to his chest that implied a sudden swell of confidence despite averting his gaze once more.

“Pfft, that ol' yeen wouldn't let me even If I tried." The wolf laughed softly before trailing off into a pleasant sigh. “But...there ain't a day that goes by where I ain't thankful to have her."

“And so what if we don't like each other." Vernon shrugged. “We don't have to."

Yuri tilted his head in confusion, his ears lolling to one side slightly.

Vernon raised a finger. "We are two very different wolves." The wolf shook his head. "Even givin' our best efforts, we might never get along."

"But now that this is all out in the open, maybe we can learn to tolerate each other." Vernon said. "To learn to be civil with one another enough to actually be able to visit home at the same time without causin' a scene. And actually have a decent time in the process."

“Maybe..." Yuri muttered, the wolf scratching at his chin thoughtfully.

“We don't have to be the closest brothers in the pack." Vernon gestured to Yuri lazily. “In fact, distance is probably the healthiest thing for us." The wolf shrugged. “But our mates seem to get along really well, and when it comes to Ma and Pa..."

Vernon frowned as the realization came back to him. In the lengthy, unexpected discussion with Yuri he had almost entirely forgotten his current circumstances. Up until this point he had been talking as if there were future visits to the Hunter ranch in store for him and Dawn. That there was really a chance to work on getting along with Yuri in the long run when this was going to be the last reunion Vernon was allowed to attend. After all, for all of his admitted faults and troubles, Yuri remained a Hunter, while Vernon was, for the moment, nothing.

Vernon placed his paws on his knees, letting out a sorrowful sigh.

“Vern?" Yuri spoke, But Vernon's eyes remained on the floor. “Ya'll alright?"

“Eh...it's...it's n-nothing."The wolf said, doing his best to shake off the rather hollow feeling the realization had brought with it. After all, if Yuri hadn't brought it up, then the wolf clearly was unaware of thier Father's declaration as to Vernon's status in the family pack. And rather than risk tempting Yuri's more troubled side into taking over in light of such a discovery, the wolf was keen on riding out the rather rare moment of camaraderie between the two wolves.

However, despite Vernon's reassurance, it did little to change Yuri's level of concern.

“Hey..." Yuri shrugged. “ Like you said, we may not end up bein' the closest brothers in the pack." The wolf offered an awkward, uncomfortable looking smile.

“But there ain't no reason we can't shoot fer it right?" Yuri asked.

Vernon quirked a brow curiously as Yuri reached a paw into his breast pocket. The wolf fumbled momentarily before managing to yank what looked like some sort of strange tribal looking bracelet free of his tux before flinging it at Vernon.

The sudden projectile caught Vernon off guard, and the wolf almost failed to catch it as he clumsy reached his paws in the air. With the item now gripped tightly in his paws, the wolf began to carefully inspect the trinket. It was definitely tribal in nature, the wood cut shapes and carved symbols looks like something straight out of Afrikat. But the most eye-catching portion of the bracelet was the large, wood carving of a hyena skull with colorful face paint marking the features. Vernon tapped the skull gingerly as he dangled the bracelet from a paw before turning his attention back to Yuri.

“What is...?"

“What y'all got there is a bracelet Ada gave me." Yuri muttered. “It was a gift fer our first anniversary." The black furred wolf scratched the back of his neck uncomfortably as his eyes shifted away from Vernon. “I-It's...somethin' that means a lot to me."

Vernon eyed the medallion on the charm more closely, tapping it with a claw again. "Okay..." The wolf murmured before glancing back up at his brother. "But then, why are you giving this to me?"

“I made this promise to Ada." The wolf muttered. “And now I'm makin' it to you." The wolf ran a paw through his mo-hawk briskly, pressing his paw on it a few times in a clear attempt to force some of the 'spring' back into it.

“I told her last night that startin' right there, I was gonna try harder to be better." Yuri sighed. “And I want to try to extend the same deal to y'all." The jet-black wolf rolled his eyes slightly. “And so, with that in mind..."

Yuri held up a paw, pointing up one finger as he eyed the wolf across from him.

“One." Yuri spoke. “From now on, I ain't drinkin' around y'all anymore." Yuri flashed the wolf a mischevious grin. “We all know how that goes."

Vernon flashed the wolf a dull glare. “Right..."

Yuri seemed to ignore Vernon's rather doubtful sounding reply, instead simply pointing a second claw upward and continuing.

"And two." Yuri adjusted his tie slightly with his other paw, clearing his throat awkwardly before continuing. "I want you to wear that thing whenever we're around each other from now on."

The wolf gave a slight shrug. "I don't care what wrist y'all decide to wear it on, just make sure I can see it."

“Because...?" Vernon tilted his head curiously.

“If I start gettin' to ornery, or actin' too much like my...old self..." The wolf winced as the worlds 'old self' left his muzzle. “Just send up the ol' bird at me with the paw that bracelets hangin' off of."

Vernon couldn't help but smirk.

“You want me to..." The wolf chuckled. “Flip you off?"

Yuri rolled his eyes. “That thing yer holdin' will remind me of my promise to Ada." The wolf chuckled. “And my promise to y'all." The wolf grinned. “And hopefully reign me in a little bit."

Vernon inspected the charm once again, chuckling at it before slipping it onto his left wrist.

“So it's like a sacred talisman meant to keep y'all away huh?" Vernon smirked.

Yuri let out a scoff. “If that's how y'all want to look at it." Yuri shook his head. “Although the idea was it's supposed to remind me that we're aimin' to make things better between us from here on out..." The wolf averted his gaze slightly, an uneasy expression lacing his features. “Sort of a symbol of makin' an honest try at a fresh start..."

Vernon flashed the wolf a genuine smile.

“Thanks Yuri." Vernon replied. “I...It..." The wolf sighed. “Thanks."

Yuri nodded softly, the wolf clearly trying his best to stifle a smile.

“Hey." Ulric's voice drew the wolves attention to the curtain as the twitchy wolf poked his head in. His eyes darting from wolf to wolf in a frenzied manner.

“Uh..." Ulric murmured. “Aunt Abby's ready for Vern..." The wolf's eyes warily fixated on Vernon.

“Is he...cool?" Ulric asked.

Yuri rose to his feet, straightening his tie before turning his attention back to Vernon.

“It's a weddin' Vern." Yuri spoke, drawing Vernon's attention back on him. “Fer you and the sheep."

Vernon blinked at his brother in confusion as he struggled to make sense of what he was saying. It couldn't be true, yet Yuri's expression seemed genuine enough to take at face value.

“Yuri!" Ulric whined. “You weren't su-!"

“Aw hush you idjit!" Yuri snapped. “I know what I'm doin'!"

“A...A wedding?" Vernon asked in disbelief.

“That's what these damn pups have been stumblin' over themselves to keep quiet about." Yuri rolled his eyes. “More afraid o' spoilin' the surprise and riskin' Ma given' them the 'ol' glare' than keepin' you from sprintin' to the next county."

“B-but...how?" Vernon murmured, his lip trembling slightly as he spoke. “What about Pa, abou-?"

"It's a caprid weddin', ain't a tithe. And as fer Pa...well..." The wolf rolled his eyes. "He ain't gonna be around to object."

The jet-black wolf shook his head. "But that's about as much as I can say." Yuri held his paws up. "Yer just gonna have to trust me on this, alright Vern? If I don't keep some sort of element of surprise in this whole thing it makes this whole tag and bag thing kinda pointless don't it?"

Vernon winced, his ears drooping slightly. “Y-yeah..but-?"

“Trust me. There's a bit more to this, but I just can't tell ya." Yuri flashed the wolf a broad grin. Vernon was unsure if the smile was intended to be comforting, as it carried the vague hint of Yuri's mischievousness. “But I think y'all will be pleasantly surprised."

With that, Yuri held out a paw to Vernon, gesturing for the wolf to take it. Vernon simply stared at it in surprise for a few moments, watching the wolf flick his fingers in an effort to entice him to grab his paw. Vernon still wasn't very used to trusting Yuri, but to say the conversation hadn't managed to put considerably more faith in the wolf would have been a lie.

Vernon's confused expression slowly morphed into a smile as he took his brother's paw, the dark-furred wolf lifting him to his feet before releasing his grip. Yuri flashed the wolf a smirk. Across the room, Vernon could see Ulric cow his head, the wolf closing his eyes tightly as he turned away from the pair in a show of fear. It was as though the wolf were waiting for a bomb to go off.

“Now get out there, and get suited up." Yuri said. “ Gotta get you fitted fer the funeral fer yer bachelorhood. “

Ulric perked an ear, one of his eyes slowly opening as he regarded the two again. Slowly, a look of partial relief came over his features as he reluctantly slipped out of the room.

“I'm getting married." Vernon muttered quietly to himself. “I'm getting married?" He glanced at Yuri, only for the wolf to give him an affirming nod. It was starting to sink in. This was really happening.

“Sweet Sawgrass, I'm gettin' married!" Vernon placed a paw to his head, a goofy grin forming on his muzzle as he spoke.

“Thinkin' about runnin' now?" Yuri said, flashing the wolf a smug grin.

Vernon gave the wolf a disapproving glare, letting out a huff. “No!' Vernon replied. “Of course not!"

“Ah good, good..." Yuri grinned, giving Vernon a gentle push toward the curtain. “Was worried I was gonna have to put y'all down to keep ya from makin' a break for it."

Vernon chuckled halfheartedly as he neared the curtain, placing a paw on the frame as he looked back at Yuri.

“With what?" Vernon muttered. “Pruning shears?"

Yuri chuckled dully. “Well, since were still bein' all open and honest..." The wolf reached into his pocket, revealing what looked like some sort of compact firearm with black and yellow striping. “You weren't exactly as free to leave as y'all may of thought." The wolf snickered as he spun the weapon around a finger. “If you tried to bolt I was ready to pop a few thousand volts into ya."

Vernon shook his head. He should have figured as much. As always, Yuri didn't make a move unless he felt that the situation was entirely under his control at all times.

“Well....if were still bein' open and honest..." Vernon replied innocently. “I think it's time I tell you that..."

Vernon flashed the wolf a mischievous smile.

“I keyed the rut out of yer motorcycle."

Yuri's expression dropped before his muzzle twisted into a furious and hateful scowl. His fangs on full display as Vernon turned to rush through the curtain. Yuri let out a loud snarl as Vernon pushed through the fabric, the wolf extending his arm in a desperate bid to flash the bracelet. But the talisman was met with the sound of taser barbs firing, impacting the fabric of the curtain with a dull thud as Vernon just barely escaped.

#Zootopia #Assistant Mayor Bellwether #dawn bellwether #fanfiction #wastedtimeee #zoosona #fanfic #furry #askdawnandvern

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hardcore-evil-regal · 6 years

Text

Pretty Woman

They Call Me the Cavalry (BadassNinja)

Chapter 4

Summary: Phil and Melinda go shopping, Phil goes to work and Melinda has a lovely surprise waiting for him when he gets home.

Notes: I can't believe it's been almost 6 months since the last update!!! What the hell right? Anyway, here is a lovely new update for y'all and I hope you enjoy.

*WARNING* smut in the second half of the chapter. you're welcome ;)

You can keep reading this here or on AO3 or ff.net

Chapter 4

She watches as his fingers move deftly, tying the silken fabric into a knot as he tightens it to rest snugly at his throat.

“Do you have to go into work so soon?” She asks leaning forward towards her bent knees, leaving the bed’s quilt sandwiched between her chest and her knees.

His eyes flicker over to her in the mirror as he smooths down his tie.

“After the disaster of last night there are a few things that I need to attend to. Also I'd like you to go out and perhaps get yourself a few more outfits today.”

She frowns at that, entirely not excited to have to spend a day shopping - or rather being ignored. “I don't want to go shopping,” she states looking away from his reflection in the mirror.

He pauses for a moment before continuing with getting dressed. “I thought women loved shopping?” He asks curiously, surprised by her reaction.

“The women in the stores weren't very nice to me,” she shrugs refusing to look back at him in the mirror.

At her admittance he stops entirely and turns to face her.

“They were mean to you?” He asks, needing to clarify the situation as a hard look crosses his features.

She nods, eyes downcast and embarrassed by the situation. She is well aware of how most people regard her profession and knows that it’s not what would be considered ‘respectable’, but she has her pride all the same and it hurts to be treated like she is worth less than a piece of gum stuck to the bottom of someone’s shoe.

“Well, I guess I won't be heading into work so soon then,” Phil says turning to pick up his phone.

A frown crinkles her brow as she is left unsure of what exactly he means by that. He doesn't elaborate however, instead dialling on his phone. She can only hear one side of the conversation but gathers from it that he has postponed his arrival at the office. Finishing his phone call, he turns to her with a slightly steely look in his eyes that she hasn't seen before.

“Get dressed and ready and then we'll head out,” he says gently before leaving the room to provide her with some privacy.

She watches after his retreating form, questions still on her lips as she wonders what it is about this man that makes him different from all the rest. To most he seems quite unassuming, a powerful man of course with a great deal of influence, but he has more heart than she expected. Those that usually employ her services are hard men, men that crave power and control, men looking for an outlet to unleash their darkest desires and exert their dominance over another person. Phil Coulson is not like those men. From both the field that she works in and from difficult past experiences, she has learnt to read people. When she is with Phil and he is open with her, he is surprisingly warm and kind, something which she is not particularly used to. His sincerity is another matter altogether, the way in which he seems to genuinely care about her own needs is puzzling and she cannot honestly say that she understands why he seems to care about her well being so much. After all, she is only doing her job and he is paying her for it. From what she’s experienced in life, she has learnt that the only thing people truly care about is themselves, and when push comes to shove, they will throw everyone else under the bus in order to secure their own best interests. Which is why Phil Coulson is such a mystery of a man to her.

Her skin itches as they walk down the street, all their stares burning into her back as she tries desperately not to pay attention to them.

“Everyone’s staring,” she mutters lowly, clinging close to Phil’s side.

“They’re looking at me,” he says with confidence, barely sparing anyone else a glance as he continues on,

She knows it’s not true, regardless of how much confidence Phil might have she knows that no one is truly looking at him unless it’s in shock that he is consorting with company such as herself. They are all looking at her.

When they walk into the store that Phil has chosen as their place to throw money at, they are immediately greeted by the store manager. Phil doesn’t even give him a chance to utter a word before he tells the man exactly what he is after.

“See this young woman,” he turns to Melinda directing the man’s gaze towards her. “Do you have anything in the store as beautiful as her?” He asks with a hard glint in his eyes that warms the man to tread carefully.

“Yes,” the manager exclaims before carefully backtracking at the look on Phil’s face. “I mean only things that are as beautiful as she would want them to be,” he smiles desperate to impress Phil.

“Good,” Phil tells the manager, assessing the man with cool blue eyes, “because we are going to be spending an obscene amount of money in here today.”

The man practically squeals with excitement at Phil’s words.

“And we will be needing some major sucking up,” Phil adds incase the man wasn’t already aware.

“Right,” the man nods his understanding before calling upon the assistance of his three store assistants who immediately begin to shower Melinda in compliments and suggestions of what she might like.

Phil smiles at her from his position near the store counter as she looks over at him, a silent question asked in her eyes as she tilts her head towards one of the outfits the sales women are offering her. Almost imperceptibly he shakes his head no to which she smiles back at him before telling the women she’d prefer a different outfit. An hour goes by in much the same fashion, interspersed with phone calls from the office and Grant panicking over the phone at him about how desperately he needs to come into the office. When the manager sidles over to him enquiring about just how obscene an amount of money he would be spending today, he tells the man that they are planning to spend a hugely disgusting, obscene amount of money and reminds the man that they will be needing more sucking up. Of course he has to redirect the man’s flatteries over to Melinda when he begins showering him in pretty words which is entirely not what he was after.

“Not me,” tells the man with a raised eyebrow as he tips his head towards Melinda, “her.”

The man smiles, brushing off the mistake easily as he returns over to where the women are ‘oohing’ and ‘ahhing’ over shoes. Phil manages another half hour in the store until he cannot postpone going into the office any longer.

“I have to head over to the office,” he tells Melinda as he appears over her shoulder whilst she is leaning back on the low sofa. “Just a few hours but I should be home for dinner tonight.”

She smiles with a nod and presses a quick kiss to his cheek before he leaves. The action is so oddly domestic that for a moment Phil is left reeling, unsure of what the rapid beating of his heart inside his chest means.

Armed with Phil’s credit card, Melinda spends a few more hours in the store after he leaves which included a smothering of compliments and flatteries, along with two pizzas and a couple of Bellinis. At the end of the day she has a half dozen bags hanging from her arms, not to mention the numerous shoe boxes that Mr Mackenzie had kindly loaded up into the car for her. Having found herself a great many new outfits, Melinda had also picked up a lovely new tie for Phil which she’d eyed on the young male sales attendant who had gladly handed it over to her. It had swirls of different blues in the pattern, and she’d thought that the soft, lighter blues would be just perfect for highlighting Phil’s beautiful baby blue eyes. It is only once she returns to the penthouse that she realises the thought is oddly sentimental and just slightly outside the norm for business associates. Because that is what they are, business associates, and anything that happens between them is strictly business. Of course that doesn’t mean that they can’t have fun, and she has just the idea of how they might have some when he comes home.

One important thing that she’s learnt in her life is that timing is everything and it is certainly no exception for the surprise that she has planned for Phil. She’s ready, waiting for him as soon as he opens the door and it’s hard to contain the excitement bubbling inside her chest. Sometimes she wonders whether that excitement she feels at seeing him is normal, but she mostly just brushes it off as the thrill that comes from working with such a rich and powerful man.

“How was your day at work dear?” She asks him as he walks into the room, head bent down as he looks at the letters in his hand.

He raises his head at her greeting, eyebrows rising as he takes in the sight of her laid out in nothing but the tie she’d bought for him that day and pair of black heels, reclining in a chair at the dining table, feet crossed at the ankles and propped up on the table.

“I wanted to surprise you” she smiles at him, a seductive little smile.

His eyes roam over her as she leans back in the chair and drops her left leg to the floor, black stiletto heel settling with a click on the marble floor. He approaches her slowly, dropping his briefcase on the lounge along with the letters before moving to stand between her spread legs.

“I bought it for you,” she tells him with the cutest little grin as she watches him eyeing the tie around her neck.

“But I like the way it looks on you ,” he looks at her with a hint of a boyish grin pulling at his lips as his fingers gently pick up the tie, thumb smoothing over the silk fabric.

She looks up at him through dark lashes as she sinks her teeth into her bottom lip. Reaching out he cups her cheek in his palm, leaning in closer to press his lips to her jaw as she tilts her head up towards him. The subtle fragrance of the sweet perfume she is wearing fills his senses as he presses his lips to her pulse point.

“God you’re gorgeous,” he mumbles against her skin as he reaches a hand down between her legs, spreading the wetness between her thighs and making her gasp softly as she tilts her hips into his touch. “So wet.”

Her only response is a soft whine as he presses a single finger into her, his thumb circling her clit as the slightly rough fabric of his suit jacket brushes against the silky soft skin of her thighs. She moans quietly as he slips another finger into her, pressing into her deeper and curling them against the spot inside her that makes stars appear behind her eyelids.

“Phil,” she sighs softly as he palms one of her breasts in his hand, kneading the flesh and pinching occasionally as she arches into his touch.

His lips move over her neck, pressing open mouthed kisses to her exposed jugular as she tilts her head back for him, bucking slightly beneath him as he bites at her pulse. A moment later her feels a rush of wetness slip down his fingers as her walls tighten around them, a low keening noise leaving her throat as she comes. He keeps his fingers moving, carrying her through her orgasm until she opens her eyes to looks at him, a smile on her lips.

“Hungry?” She asks as he removes his fingers from her, tilting her head in question towards the other end of the table were it has been set for dining.

“For you,” he replies in a growl, voice deepened by his arousal.

She smirks up at him as she reaches a hand out to cup the front of his trousers, eyebrow raising as she feels the hardness of his erection straining against the fabric.

“Well perhaps we should eat something,” she looks at him teasingly through dark lashes as her nimble fingers begin deftly undoing the belt and button of his trousers before dragging down the zip.

His usually blue eyes are now dark with lust, pupils blown wide as her watches her lean forwards as she pushes him back slightly to stand up straight. Gentle fingers tug down the fabric of his trousers, closely followed by his boxers before his cock is engulfed in the most wonderful wet heat as Melinda takes him down her throat in one swift motion. Almost unconsciously he fists a hand in her hair, the silky dark strands clenched tightly in his fingers as he tries to keep himself from thrusting into her mouth as she gently cups his balls in one hand, the other hand with fingers firmly pressing into his ass as she holds him in place, head bobbing.

“Melinda,” he manages to grind out between his teeth as he struggles to keep his control.

She pauses for a moment to look up at him, lips still wrapped around his cock and it takes all his self control not to just come down her throat. It’s one of the hottest things he has ever seen.

“I want you over the table,” he tells her, missing the warmth of her mouth as she releases him with a wet pop and rises to her feet with a mischievous smile as she maintains eye contact.

“Like this?” She asks teasingly, positioning herself over the table, bent at the waist and resting on her forearms as she pushes her ass out towards him with a naughty little grin as she looks at him over her shoulder.

He barely manages to keep in the groan that wants to escape him at the sight of her spread out before him, waiting for him to take her as he hurriedly slips on the condom retrieved from his wallet.

“Perfect,” he whispers in her ear, breath warm on her skin before he pushes himself inside her without any further warning.

She arches against him with a breathless cry as he unexpectedly enters her, her back pressing against his still clothed chest as his hands settle at her hips holding her flush against him.

“Phil,” she pleads desperately as he holds still inside of her feeling her walls fluttering around him as her body takes its time to adjust around him.

What she’s pleading for she’s not entirely sure but all she knows is that it’s intense and she wants more.

“Please,” she whispers quietly as she lets her head drop down, hair falling in a curtain shrouding her face.

Something about the way she whispers the word strikes a chord within him and for a moment he believes that she actually wants him. Only him. Pressing his lips to her skin he places a kiss between her shoulder blades right along her spine before he begins slowly thrusting his hips. He curls a hand in her hair, drawing it over one of her shoulders to allow him access to her neck where he presses open mouthed kisses. A low moan breaks from her throat as he tightens his hand in her hair tilting her neck to the side to expose more of her deliciously soft skin. The sound triggers some sort of primal desire within him making him tug slightly on the dark strands of her hair in his grasp as he bites at the junction between her shoulder and neck eliciting a gasp from her that only drives him on further.

“Harder,” she begs him desperately in a voice roughened with arousal.

He doesn’t need to be asked twice and in a split second he is pistoning his hips faster, pounding into her harder as she cries out beneath him. The sound goes straight to his cock but he’ll be damned if he doesn’t make her come with him. Reluctantly relinquishing his hold of her hair, he reaches around to rub quick hard circles roughly against her clit as he struggles to hold on to the last of his control. His other hand holds tight to her waist, keeping her in place and pulling her back towards him when he pushes his hips forwards. It takes only a couple of moments before she crests with cut off cry, almost slumping against the table as her knees threaten to give out. He follows her seconds later, continuing to thrust both of them through their orgasms as he keeps his hands firm on her waist holding her up against him.

“So perfect,” he whispers against her skin as he presses gentle kisses along the length of her spine.

She merely lets out a soft groan beneath him, content to let him hold her, too spent to really care about what is going on around her other than the fact that she just experienced one of the most amazing orgasms of her life. He chuckles lowly and she can feel the rumbling vibrations travel through her from his chest to her back. Vaguely she is aware of the fact that he’s still inside her even though he’s already gone soft. She thinks that he must be uncomfortable in the spent condom but doesn’t bother to say anything about it, and in some ways it feels almost more intimate than the amazing sex that they just had. If he wants to do anything about it he will she tells herself as she just enjoys the feeling of being cocooned by his body. It’s just the warmth of him she tells herself. Nothing more.

It takes several minutes before either of them say anything and he finally leaves her to dispose of the condom.

“So I take it it was either a really good or a really bad day at work then?” She asks him teasingly when he returns, a playful smirk in place even though her body is mourning the loss of his warmth.

“Something like that,” he smiles at her with that cute boyish grin that makes something flutter in her chest.

She smiles back at him and it’s several moments more before either of them break the silence that has fallen over them. Undoing and removing the tie from around her neck she loops it around his neck, pulling Phil down to her level where she then places a light kiss on his nose.

“Come join me in the bath?” She asks, eyes sparkling with mischief.

He releases a chuckle as he wraps his arms around her waist and pulls her body flush against his.

“I’d love to,” he replies simply before returning her gesture and placing a sweet kiss on her nose.

Notes:

So I contemplated including the bath scene but decided I'll put it in the next chapter instead. Let me know what you thought and if you're still enjoying the story, I know I have massive breaks between updates but I'm not giving up on this story yet so please don't give up on me. Throw me a bone and drop me a comment :)

#melinda may #Phil Coulson #philinda fanfiction #philinda #Pretty Woman AU #unapologetic smut

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sanabakkoushisanangel · 7 years

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Heeey. Sorry if I disturb you by something or anything but could you maybe list some good shows? (It's not a must that LGBT couples are included) thanks a lot ❤️❤️💫

Hi, Anon!

You’re not disturbing!

So I’m the type of person that watches a pretty random variety of shows so I’m not sure what your taste leans toward exactly.

If you have any suggestions, make a comment or drop me a message with the show and why you like it! And if you want, make a suggestion on how to make this list better!

** Is for shows other people suggest to me. I’ll comment if I’ve heard of it or seen any of it.

*I’ll try to put if it’s LGBT friendly. And also I want to put down if it’s diverse or not and a note if you suggest a show is diverse…I’m looking for either the main character that is a POC or more than 1-2 minor characters that show up often enough to make a difference to the plot. Don’t tell me a show is diverse if it’s 3 black characters are just window-dressing…👀

***UPDATE*** (8/11/2019)*** SO I'm finally getting around to updating this list. As always let me know if y'all have any suggestions! This thing is getting insanely long! I might try to make it a link on my page (which is in serious need of renovation lol). Oh Lord, I still have so many shows I didn't add. I might have a problem...

Enjoy!!

Derry Girls: Man I hope you all get to see my recommendation for this show!!! It's truly a gem! I can't say it's diverse but it's also based off a small town in Northern Ireland so not really faulting them. Very LGBT friendly!! Spot the tiny rainbow pins our main 5 wear in the entirety of the second season!! It's like the cutest, most wholesome unspoken way of showing support! I literally watched the second season, went back to rewatch the first season and then rewatched the second season again. They're so loveable!

Four Weddings and a Funeral: I surprisingly haven't watched the 1994 film that was one of the best movies of the 90s apparently. But Mindi Kaling is producing its remake that's now a TV show on Hulu. Features a much more diverse cast (TWO main characts being Black, the main love interest being Muslim, actually portraying Muslim character seamlessly without making it campy or oversimplified!). There's a lack of LGBT characters (Tony 1 and Tony 2 don't really count since that feels slightly degrading to me...). I'm hoping they'll get better at that in future episodes!

Dark: A German TV show that's like a mystery time travel thriller. Not really diverse? It does feature a deaf supporting character and some minor supporting characters are LGBT but other than that...It IS a good story that's really interesting and gripping to watch.

3%: A sci-fi post-apocalyptic story based in Brazil that's Hunger Games ish in that young people fight for their right to live in the ideal land of plenty. But because it's a show, you get to explore the ethical aspect of it a little more. I have a beef with how this show treats its PoC character to be honest. But it does have a lot of PoC characters and there's I think an LGBT plotline in a later season. But, I feel like the first season may have been its peak. Definitely still a good show and y'all might enjoy the later seasons more than me.

Patriot Act: Not really a story obviously but I have to plug this show because for once I'm seeing a nonproblematic Indian Muslim man (side-eyeing Kumal and Aziz) that's actually doing great episodes highlighting a lot of important issues that we're totally not getting informed about that we should really be paying attention to more.

Kim's Convenience: A Canadian sitcom based on a Korean family's convenience story. Really cute wholesome show with a great cast that really tries to be diverse and thoughtful and respectful of its PoC. I don't think they have an LGBT main character but it's friendly to it!

-Shadowhunters: I love this trash show. It’s actually not all that great but it’s got some absolute gems of characters you end up watching it for anyway. I def recommend but S1 was watched with a ton of skip Clary/Jace scenes for me. This is LGBT friendly and diverse.

-Eastsiders: One of my Netflix finds. So super LGBTQ friendly because it revolves around a gay couple. The revolving door of characters includes many people at different spectrums of sexuality. It’s unapologetic and fun to watch. Our main couple is self-labeled slutty mcsluttersons but they’re committed to each other. The diversity of race is meh but it does have the Constance Wu from Fresh off the Boat in it and she’s lovely.

-Riverdale: I tried man, I used to read Archie comics when I was younger but um, this show…I think it’s supposed to be ironically pretentious? It just falls flat for me tbh. It’s popular though so you can check a couple of episodes out to see if it’s your thing. There’s an openly gay character in this that should get more story than he does. Also, kind of LGBT baits too at times so not sure if I trust them completely.

-Narcos: One of my recent shows. Very very intense show. Just really well done. It’s male-centric in that most of its main characters are male and its portrayal of women isn’t varied or flattering or significant in any way so that definitely sucks. But I don’t watch all my shows through that lens. For a show about Pablo Escobar and the drug wars it’s a really gripping watch. Beware of heavy subtitles because it’s set in Columbia.

-The Expanse: My sci-fi pick. I love this show. It’s a gorgeous, diverse, rich story, funny without trying too hard. I just get sucked into every character. It had one older married gay couple that was really minor characters but I don’t recall any current mains that are. But It’s an inclusive show so I don’t think it’s particularly averse to the idea. Based on books I haven’t read yet!

-Veep: This is like a completely meant-to-be-offensive comedy show with the amazing Julia Louis-Dreyfus. While I wasn’t in love with the last 2 seasons, the first 4 are amazing. No clear-cut character you root for in particular but it’s so close to politics you can’t help but laugh/cry. Watch it for the absolutely unapologetic legendary burns. Also, has a lesbian couple in it although it’s offensive comedy so prepare for that.

-Archer: Also another meant-to-be-offensive show that’s hilarious but so terrible and inappropriate. I don’t usually like that kind of comedy but I binge-watched this when I was sick and got hooked.

-Vikings: I love this show. If you like Game of Thrones, you’ll like this one only it’s got less nudity and more idgaf fight scenes. It’s got brilliant characters, beautiful battle scenes, really interesting storylines, and just good snarky humor. Watch it! Also, they’re not shy about same-sex couples even if they don’t explicitly say it.

-Mr. Robot: Really good show, very different and…I actually don’t know how to describe it? The main has mental health issues. It’s a sociopolitical commentary type show. It’s about hacking and network security and corporation conglomerates in control of our everything and the fight against it. Also from @cherryrebel : Mr robot has a shit ton of diversity in both race and LGBT, the lead is mixed race but the actor is Egyptian, Tyrell is bisexual, Gideon is gay, Angela, Elliot, and Darlene are implied being lgbt+, I think I’m forgetting about someone but watch that show, it’s the shit

-Legion: A superhero show that’s so incredibly NOT like the other superhero shows. You'll find yourself in a serious mind trip thinking you’re the one that’s crazy. But it’s really really good. Go watch.

-Mozart in the Jungle: About a bunch of musicians and a crazy conductor you absolutely love. It’s really good. LGBT friendly! And diverse-ish.

-Luther: One of the best crime shows in my opinion. Idris Elba just does things and you will want to watch him do it. Anything he does is beautiful and brilliant. But the show actually IS brilliant and amazing and go watch!!

-This is Us: one of those, where-the-hell-did-you-come-from?? shows. Really heartfelt stories that make you laugh, cry, and go aww a million times.

-Killjoys: Another sci-fi show I love. It’s got diversity and great characters and great action and story. It's a complicated plot though and if you skip episodes you're really going to struggle with the story. But if you don't care, it's still fun to watch ladies being brilliant and kicking ass. Also LGBT friendly and diverse!!

-True Detective: Crime detective show. It’s great, very gritty and serious but good stories and character-driven. I actually really enjoyed the third season despite my reservations of this show. Definitely needed subtitles! Also, I got major unspoken LGBT vibes from the characters (3rd season) here but I feel like they didn't go the distance with it.

-Humans: Sci-fi show about android robots that are part of normal life- they look human and are basically live in maids. Only five of these have consciousness. Really good UK show. Diverse AND LGBT friendly!

-Broadchurch: Another good UK crime show. David Tennant and Olivia Colman are brilliant and bicker in the most endearing way! And Jodie Whitaker is so amazing! Slow and gripping and bingeworthy. @iamacolor mentioned a lesbian character in this one too. Wouldn't say it's LGBT friendly but there is diversity in the characters.

-The Americans: Russian sleeper spies in America that lead normal lives, have American children, and are like totally Russians carrying out secret missions. It's fantastical and exaggerated and sometimes I side-eye it like really?? But it's a fun casual watch. Not really diverse or LGBT friendly even if there might be some peppering in there.

-The Get Down: Great show that was recently canceled :( has about 1 season out. I’m not sure how to describe it and do proper justice. It’s lovely though with amazing characters. Also, LGBT friendly and clearly diverse!

-Stranger Things: Great show sci-fi mystery thriller type show. Diverse cast, wholesome even with a dark and violent plot. LGBT friendly but it's got a list of problems in my opinion. But still a fun watch.

-Dear White People: Black college students from all kinds of backgrounds dropping truth bombs all around and being amazing. Go watch. It's definitely a smart show with a lot of humor. It’s balanced with amazing depth to its characters. LGBT friendly! *so while it's definitely diverse in that the entire main cast except one is Black- I do find it weird that in an ivy league college there aren't many Asian students? Like it seems like they tried to fix that in the third season but it could definitely stand to do more in terms of its recurring supporting characters*

-Brooklyn Nine-Nine: an Amazing funny cop show that manages to be winsome, hilarious, endearing, quirky, diverse, balanced, and just amazing all around. Very LGBT friendly and diverse! It's a consistent show.

-Fresh Off the Boat: An Asian family comedy show that’s endearing and hilarious. (Also check out Jane the Virgin for crazy telenovela-esque antics that are hilarious and cute).

-Orphan Black: Sci-fi show about clones. A really amazing show, LGBT friendly. Great story AMAZING characters…most of which is played by one woman. Diverse and LGBT friendly.

-Preacher: Great show based on the graphic novel…uhh not sure how to describe it but it’s good. Reth Negga is in it!!

Also adding Sense8 for its LGBT and diversity. Good show but I’ve heard something about the directors/producers being racist? Not sure so I’m recommending with caution because the show itself esp s2 where the nonwhite characters got a better fleshed out plot is good. But since I don’t know what the producers/directors have done, I’m giving a heads up for someone else to fill me in.

Poldark: I just started this one 2 days ago. 2 episodes in I’m really enjoying it. It’s from PBS’s Masterpiece series. Aiden Turner as a Cornishman is delicious. So far I adore his wife and immensely enjoying yet another period show.

Grantchester: Adding this to the list after I discovered it on my prime account. I’m only one season in and I love Sydney Chambers and his gruff buddy cop Geordie? This isn’t a show that is going to have you sitting on the edge of your seat. It’s totally a procedural type of show. But it’s characters are likable, its story feels comfortable, and honestly, if it’s a shitty day for you and you just want something that’s easy? This is it. @iamacolor :)

Entourage: So I binged 8 seasons and a movie in a week so let’s just say I fell into this gaping manhole…So it has one very prominently gay character on this show that gets a fair amount of screentime and a plot considering he’s a side character. He’s a fairly loveable character you really enjoy watching develop and grow. However, I should warn people that this show has really colorful language that is quite frankly really sexist and homophobic. For those of you that don’t know, it’s essentially a show about a popular actor from Queens that makes it big in Hollywood and brings along his 2 best friends and older brother to live with him and share in his wealth. If you can get past the language and inherent sexism, it’s actually a decent show about 4 guys with an extremely tight unbreakable, ride or die friendship. Lots of cameos by famous actors and directors, etc. I admit I might have a thing for Kevin Connolly and Adrian Grenier…

Jane the Virgin: Okay firstly, I LOVE this show. I wasn’t caught up because I had too much on my plate but like this show is so tongue in cheek and has great Latino rep! Including a character that speaks like 98% in Spanish so it’s great. AND they have LGBT rep so there you go. Enjoy and thank me later!

Superstore: Almost disappointed no one reminded me to recommend this show?? It’s basically centered around a store much like Walmart where you have a colorful cast of employees. It’s funny, it’s cute, it’s very socially aware. A disabled character (of color!), a gay character, and a smattering of all sorts. PLUS America Ferrera whom I adore!

The Good Place: Great show, great diversity, really funny. I binged it aaaallllll. Seriously go watch this show!!

Cable Girls: Netflix Original from Spain. Do yourself a favor, watch it in Spanish with subtitles. The dubs feel so off. So the music choices for this show are the biggest con. Like it’s modern English songs in a show set in the 20s. Whoever chooses the music really doesn’t read the tone of the scene because it always throws me off. BUT, it’s a show about women gaining their independence through working as operators. You don’t have a diverse cast (so another con) but it’s LGBT friendly. There’s an exploration of sexuality minus the harmful abuse of it. It’s got its own set of flaws for sure but there’s a lot of potentials for it to be a good watch.

Atypical: Autistic boy on the cusp of adulthood that’s navigating how to grow into it and live as normally as possible despite his limitations. Diverse characters, funny stories, and most importantly, endearing af. I think it handles the touchy topic wonderfully and allows people in this show to both be good people and also make mistakes both big and small. What I really enjoyed about this show is that it feels unafraid to let it’s characters just be. It doesn’t fall into tropes and it just has really well-written characters. Can’t wait for Season 3. Also, def don’t want to spoil but LGBT friendly.

Lovesick: If nothing else, watch this show for Antonia Thomas. I’m lowkey in love with her so I will watch anything she’s in. But it’s one of those shows that might not be for everyone. It’s about three great friends where two have been in love with each other at different parts of their lives and keep missing each other’s feelings. It plays via flashbacks quite a bit so your story isn’t quite linear but it doesn’t make it difficult to watch. I personally loved it but I’m biased because well Antonia Thomas…

Santa Clara Diet: So I confess I dropped this show mid first episode when I first watched it. Its pilot was so strange and bonkers I was just so incredibly confused. I think the projectile vomiting just turned me off. But boredom is a great motivator and I came back to it later. And man, I am so so so glad I did. It’s just such a lovely show. I love every character to bits. LGBT friendly for sure. It’s so incredibly far-fetched so you just go with it and enjoy the ride.

On my Block: Four friends transitionally into high school and navigating changing dynamics in their lifelong relationships while also dealing with real life, high school, gangs, and growing up. It’s a good watch. Really hoping for a second season.

Sisters: Aussie show about a woman caring for her ailing elderly father who finds out he used his own sperm in his fertility clinic in order to help parents struggling. Now she has new half-siblings all over the country and gets to navigate dealing with that shitshow. This is a good show. Flawed people being selfish, good people getting the short end of the stick, people being real, things getting ugly. It gets interesting and awkward but it’s a good watch. LGBT friendly.

Homecoming: Really gripping show about soldiers that return stateside wanting to return to society, join a program to help them do so, turns out things aren’t as they seem. Check it out on Amazon Prime. Diverse…umm one of the main supporting characters is black?

Bodyguard: Richard Madden from GoT plays a completely different role in this show about a bodyguard that finds himself part of a bigger conspiracy plot that forces him to face his own demons. Overall the story is good. Intense, gripping, intriguing in all the right places. But the ending has you rolling your eyes at how cliche they made it out to be. My biggest gripe being romanticizing characters that really don’t deserve it without highlighting their problematic behavior. It sweeps a lot of questions under the rug and concludes what would have been a highly conflicting plot with some really shoddy tropey shortcuts. Still it’s definitely a bingeworthy show. Diversity is for shit though all things considered.

Recommendations by Other Blogs:

-**Shameless: Based on the UK show I believe. Has an openly gay character in a really complicated loveline that’s one of the major draws of this show. Very good show but definitely not for everyone. Expect LOTS of cursing, nudity, etc. But it’s hilarious, weirdly heartwarming, really fun to watch. Adding based on an anon suggestion- I haven’t watched the seasons in full but I love popping in to catch up. LGBT friendly and also somewhat diverse.

-**Crazy Ex-Girlfriend: I have not watched this show myself but @blueberrysenpaii suggested this and said: Should add CEG. There’s a veeeery proud bi guy! So LGBT friendly! Someone tell me if it’s diverse?

-**Stitchers: Another show I haven’t watched but it’s been recommended a few times so it’s probably worth a watch. LGBT friendly! Someone tell me if it’s diverse? From Anon: There is a lesbian couple (Camanda) and they’re happy and healthy. It’s a great interesting storyline, it’s funny, super loveable characters, there’s some mystery and suspense in every episode, I love it so much, and it’s so underrated

**Black Sails: Have not watched this show either. LGBT friendly and diverse cast! But here’s @foolbrite ’s recommendation: black sails!! its an AMAZING story plus there is such good lgbt rep in that show

**One Day At a Time: So I have watched a couple episodes of this. It’s so cute! Diverse and LGBT friendly! But here’s the recommendation from @jcarizma : One Day At a Time is really good. Has an LGBT main character and most of the characters are Hispanic as well and the show actually talks about topics that are importantes and it still manages to be hilarious. It’s on Netflix. and also @onyourleftbooob : one day at a time is INCREDIBLE and i loved how they dealt with their lgbt character

**Black Mirror: San Junipero: Again never watched this show but I have seen gifs of this episode?story arc? Diverse and LGBT friendly! Anywho another rec from @onyourleftbooob : black mirror’s san junipero is great *Update: I did watch this myself so I can definitely say it was really nice!*

**How to Get Away With Murder: I actually was a little reluctant to recommend this show. Mainly because *spoiler* one of my favorite main characters got killed off in a way and point in the story where it was pure shock value and I’m forever upset. *end spoiler* I personally dropped the show at that point. However, it was great until that point and it does have an great LGBT rep and just as important a very diverse cast! Also recommended by @onyourleftbooob

**The Bold Type: I have not yet seen this show personally but I have seen lots of mentions of it on my dash and it seems like it’s really good. Good diverse and LGBT friendly show! @im-the-trashqueen-of-my-fandoms recommends this: One of the 3 leads is black and discovers that she’s not really straight when she starts developing feelings for a lesbian Muslim photographer :)

So I think I got most of the ones I really enjoy. Not including like Breaking Bad and Game of Thrones because those are hugely popular. I hope you enjoy! If I think of more, I’ll add them here.

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