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intimidating-fettuccine · 3 months

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Isolation. Yan!Toby x Reader. Cw: Manipulation, mild mentions of violence at the end, small mention of drugging, kidnapping, imprisonment.

It was so easy to fall for his manipulation, and he knew that. Nobody would suspect him of it, after all, he was the emotional, bubbly member of the mansion, soft and sweet. He could never manipulate someone like that, Toby would never. It would be so wrong of him, and he was always trying to better himself. However, you could no longer deny that he'd fooled you, fooled everyone around you, and now you weren't sure you'd ever be able to get away from him again.

It started nearly a year ago, his targeted manipulation of you. You'd been going through a hard time, and he'd been your shoulder to cry on. He encouraged you to seek him out any time you felt sad, and he'd sit with you, hold you, and comfort you when you needed him. He attached himself to you like a leech, and you found yourself unable to get away from him, no matter how hard you tried. It had been confusing at first, how he always seemed to be around you, no matter where you went, even if you'd never told anyone where you were headed, but you dismissed it at the time, reasoning that the two of you did like hanging out in the same areas. You accepted him, and you allowed him to sink his claws into you.

He did his best to make sure you were only emotionally dependent on him; nobody knew you like he did, and nobody could comfort you as he could. You didn't need to go to anybody else, you didn't need to let anybody else in. Once he had enough sway on you, he started burning the bridges you'd already made. He'd become a little bird in your ear, spreading drama and lies about those around you in an effort to drive a wedge into your relationships, and it worked. You felt so embarrassed, looking back, at how easily and blindly you believed everything he told you, because you were just as clueless as everyone else. Why would Toby lie to you?

You'd believed him when he told you Jeff had been shit talking you behind your back, you'd believed him when he told you that Brian and Tim were starting to get jealous about how much time you were spending with Toby, you'd believed him when he said Slender had been considering replacing you with someone new. One by one, he took all of your friends away from you. He encouraged you to hide away from them, to stay by his side, to vent all your tears and frustrations to him and only him, after all, you couldn't trust anyone else in the mansion.

When the others would question Toby on your seemingly random isolation, Toby would shrug and say you were feeling tired, you wanted to be alone, and work was getting to be too much for you. He'd told them you wanted the space but were too anxious to ask for it, and so they believed him, because Toby had never lied to them before, and because Toby seemed to be doing a good job taking care of you. With you in pure isolation, it was all too easy for him to do as he pleased with you, and you naively never thought to question him. It was just so easy for him to put his plan into action.

"Why don't we run away together?" You recalled the excitement in his voice as he made his offer, but still, you weren't sure.

"Run away..? But where would we go? We won't be safe here without Slender's protection." You voiced your concern, and the disappointment that flashed in his eyes for a moment should have been enough to keep you concerned, but he was quick to put on another smile.

"I-I'll keep us safe! You don't have to w-worry!" He forced himself, trying to get you to blindly trust him as you always had, and you did. You fell for his sweet smile and warmth just as he knew you would.

Toby began planning how to get you out, and it went far smoother than he'd thought it would. He'd been moving your things in secret to a hidden little home he'd found and guarded, and all he had to do was get you there. The night before you were supposed to leave, he'd drugged the drink he brought you before bed, and once you were finally asleep, he put everything in motion. "Your" resignation letter that he'd typed up (with your signature he'd spent so much time learning how to forge signed at the bottom) had been placed upon Slender's desk for him to find in the morning. With you knocked out, it was so easy for him to carry you to your new home, and so easy to lock you into the chains bolted into the wall above your new bed. It made him sad to have to leave you, but he had to get back. He'd pressed a kiss to your lips, the first kiss you ever shared, and left you there, in your soundproofed, locked, and bolted prison.

Toby made his way back home and went to bed, waking when everyone else did in a panic over how you were missing. He cried and panicked with the rest of them, unsure of where you could have gone, and when everyone split up to search for you, Toby made his way alone back to your little house. He'd stay at the mansion most of the time for the next few weeks, but then he too would vanish, claiming to be too distraught over your disappearance. You were sobbing and screaming in fear when he got back, and when your eyes landed on him as he unbolted your door the confusion and betrayal in your eyes filled him with so much excitement.

"It's alright, you d-don't have to worry! I-I'll keep you safe!" He told you so proudly, beaming with joy as he crept over to you, sitting on top of your body and holding you tight.

You'd sad there in confusion, fear seeping into you as realization flowed into you that this had been his goal all along, and suddenly every single thing about him that you'd been dismissing or ignoring clicked into place. His discreet glares at others whenever they'd talk to you, the way he'd always have his hands on you, the way he always steered you away from other people and public places. All the lies, all the manipulation. You begged him, you begged him to let you go, to take you back. You told him you'd still stay with him, that you wouldn't tell anybody, but he just laughed above you, a laugh that chilled you to your core.

"O-of course y-you'll never leave me! I h-have you here! Forever!" He smiled a twisted, obsessive smile, and you tried and failed to shuffle away from him, but he remained heavy on your body, leaning over to whisper into your ear.

"All you need is me. Nobody else. You're never getting out of here." His voice was deeper than you'd ever heard it, and you made a noise in fear as you pressed yourself into the mattress, but he'd just giggled and nuzzled into you.

He began to kiss you, to feel you, to nip at your skin, but you sat motionless under him as you tried not to accept your fate. You couldn't ignore him forever, though. He wouldn't allow it. He'd do whatever it took to keep your attention on him permanently. Even if it meant he'd have to break a few of your bones or bite his way into your flesh to get you to speak to him or make noise. The pain you'd begun to feel in your body would be one you'd quickly grow familiar with, as Toby began to show you just how twisted and cruel he could truly be inside.

You couldn't escape someone as thoroughly distorted as him.

#yandere #yandere creepypasta #yandere ticci toby #creepypasta #creepypasta headcanons #creepypasta headcanon #creepypasta x reader #ticci toby #ticci toby headcanon #ticci toby headcanons #ticci toby x reader #creepypasta scenarios #creepypasta scenario #ticci toby scenario

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pleasantlycrazyworld · 1 year

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Unrequited love?

Request: Could you possibly do one about unrequited love (or so they think) and the reader just spirals and starts getting in trouble and doing things like getting drunk and doing drugs, etc. I really want something that hits me in the feels, but has a happy ending. Requested by: @lelenikki

I hope I did it justice <3

Steve has been friends with you since childhood. The two of you were inseparable but the older you got the more complicated your relationship became.

Lately you’ve been having a really hard time hiding your true feelings for Steve and after thinking about what you should do about it you decide that it was probably best to just rip the Band-Aid off and tell him how you truly feel. Okay. You got this, what’s the worst that can happen? He says no, it ruins our friendship, he laughs...Okay maybe we shouldn’t say anything... The more you got in your head the more anxious you became. You take a deep breath before leaving to meet him at Family video, his shift should be over soon.

As you pull up to Family video you see Steve at the counter with his back towards the door as he talks to Robin. You walk in as softly as you can so you don’t pull his attention away from her. You start to walk towards the counter to return the movies you had rented earlier when you overhear him talking “I don’t know Rob, I think I’m in love her. Maybe that’s why none of these dates have been a success.” Your heart breaks. You’ve known Steve your whole life and he has only loved one person, Nancy Wheeler, and you know you can never live up to someone as amazing as Nancy. You decide that the late fee isn’t as bad as facing Steve right now so you turn around and rush back to your car. Robin looks over hearing the bell ring and she sees your figure leaving quickly, deep in her gut she knows you just overheard Steve and she’s ready to kill him for it. She shakes her head at him “You’re an idiot you dingus” and she walks to the breakroom to try and call you.

Since you were still driving home she got your messaging machine making her sigh before leaving a message asking if she can come over after work to hang out and she promises to bring your favorite take out. But instead of heading home you started to head to the trailer park to talk to Eddie.

Eddie started to become one of your closet friends and he was the only person you’ve told about your feelings towards Steve. You know he’s going to be upset seeing you devasted but you couldn’t be alone right now. You pull up and quickly get out, you start to knock on the door as you hear him yell for you to come in. He’s excited to see you until he sees the tears falling down your cheeks. “Sweetheart? What the hell happened” He rushes over to you and pulls you to his chest. You mumble against him and all he hears is Steve’s name but that’s all he needs to hear.

He slowly pulls away and he wipes your face free of the tears, “Steve’s an idiot for not seeing how amazing you are. You deserve better.” You nod softly before asking if you can spend the night with him. He smiles “Of course, but I do have a party I need to go sell at, why don’t you come with and enjoy yourself. I won’t be drinking or anything so you can let loose.” You agree but honestly if you knew how the night would turn out you wish you hadn’t.

It’s around nine o’clock when the party is really in full motion. You try to stick by Eddie’s side for the majority of the night but he didn’t want you involved with the sales so he would leave for about twenty minutes every other hour to take care of business. During one of the times you were left alone you went to go get yourself another drink. Walking to the kitchen you are trying to slip in between people to get to the drinks but it’s so crowded you keep getting pumped into. “Watch it” Some guy seethes as you almost knock his drink over. You mumble an apology as you finally get your own drink.

As you wait for Eddie to come back you realize you really need to pee. Being already a bit drunk you don’t even think about bringing your drink with you and you just sit it down before leaving to go to the bathroom. Eddie finishes up and he goes to meet you again but as he walks up to your spot he sees someone putting something in a cup. He assumes it’s empty and doesn’t do anything as he starts looking around for you. What he doesn’t know is that was your cup. And the person who put something in it was the guy you pumped into earlier.

You come back from the bathroom and you see Eddie back from the deal. You smile and walk up to him with a sway in your step. Eddie looks at you amused seeing that you are definitely at least tipsy already, when you get to him he places his hands on your shoulders to steady you “Okay sweetheart I think we need to take you home” You nod before grabbing your cup from the table “After this drink Ed’s” you mumble. You drink it quickly before Eddie can say anything and you throw the cup down before wrapping your arms around him “Okay...let’s go” He chuckles and helps you to the van.

He can tell something is wrong by just the way you’re sitting in the van. Your head keeps falling forward which isn’t a sign of you just being drunk and he starts to freak out. As he drives he is trying to get you to keep talking to him but he can tell by how your words slur more and more you’re getting worse. He rushes home and once he gets there he sees that Wayne is already there which makes him sigh in relief. He picks you up and carries you to the trailer before yelling out for Wayne’s help. As soon as Wayne walks in to the living room he can tell something is wrong, “Boy what happened?” Eddie explains what you guys were doing and Wayne loses color in his face, “We need to get her to a hospital”

Eddie and Wayne rushes you to the hospital and explains what is happening to the staff. They hurry you to a room and start to pump your stomach but they won’t let the Munson men follow, which leads to them pacing around the waiting room. The hospital went ahead and called your emergency contact, which happens to be Steve, making him rush to the hospital in a panic.

When he arrives he is greeted by Wayne trying to calm him down but as he sees Eddie all he can see is red. “How could you not watch her! She could be seriously in trouble and you were bust doing what? Selling drugs like the deadbeat you are?! God you were probably the one to do this to her” Eddie whimpers making Wayne clench his jaw “Harrington I know you’re worried but don’t you dare every say that shit again! Eddie took care of her, he made sure she got help, where were you at? If you’re so concerned for her why weren’t you there?” Steve is taken back and he goes to make an excuse but Wayne just puts his hand up and walks away.

Steve walks over to sit next to Eddie and he clenches his jaw trying to apologize “I didn’t mean anything I said. I know you care about her, I’m just freaked out” Eddie scoffs “How do you think I feel? I should’ve been watching closer” Steve goes to reassure Eddie that it really isn’t his fault but the doctor walks over before he can. Eddie stands up quickly “How is she?”

“She’s going to be okay. You brought her in just in time son, we got everything out of her system but it seems like her drink was spiked heavily at that party. If you know who did it I recommend calling the sheriff about it, that’s an extreme offense.” Eddie nods softly already planning on talking to Hopper as soon as you get out of here. The doctor tells them that they can go see you which makes both boys rush to your room.

You are just waking up as you see Eddie and Steve come into your room. You smile at Eddie but scoff at Steve, really not wanting to see him. Steve is taken back at your reaction towards seeing him but he tries to brush it off. “How are you feeling sweetheart?” Eddie asks softly. You shrug “I’m okay for the situation” he nods before pushing your hair back “I am so sorry sweetheart. I should have been there, I should-” you cut him off quickly “Ed’s it isn’t your fault at all. Don’t even try to blame yourself” He nods before looking back at Steve seeing him tearing up at the sight of you with iv’s in you and you being connected to machines. Eddie leans in and whispers to you “I think I’m going to tell Wayne how you’re doing. Go easy on him okay?” You scoff before nodding, which makes Eddie smile before he leans down and kisses your forehead.

Steve clenches his jaw and jealousy fills him as Eddie lips connect to your skin.

As Eddie leaves Steve walks closer to your hospital bed and he goes to hold your hand but as he touches your skin you jerk back as if his touch burns you. “There is something I need to tell you” Steve says as he pulls away from you. You grow nervous as you expect him to tell you that he is getting back with Nancy. You nod showing him that he can continue and he clears his throat trying to find the words.

“When I got that call...I thought I was going to lose you. And that made me realize I need to tell you the truth.” You grow even more nervous trying to figure out what he was going to say. He takes a deep breath before continuing, “You’re my best friend. But I don’t want to be friends anymore.” You whimper and tears fill your eye immediately, he see’s this and starts to freak out “No! Not like that, just...just let me finish.” You nod and he continues, “I want...god this is hard. I want to be more... I want to take you out, I want to hold you and kiss you, I want to spoil you and show you how much I love you” You gasps hearing this confession. “Are...Are you asking me out Stevie?” He nods softly as he stares anywhere but at you. “Steve. I would love to go out, but...but what about Nancy?” Steve looks at you confused “Nancy? What about her?” You scoff thinking that he’s such an idiot.

“I overheard you talk to Robin about how you’re in love with Nancy earlier today.” Steve furrowed his eyebrows. “What are you talking about? I wasn’t talking about her” You eyes widen, “Y-You weren’t” He laughs and shakes his head “No, I was talking about you! I’ve have had feelings for you since junior year” Your cheeks redden as you start to feel embarrassed “oh...” you mutter making him laugh. “So? Can I take you out after you’re released and start to feel better?” You smile, “I can’t wait”

I really hope you liked it! Thank you for the request, if you did like it please consider liking, commenting, and reblogging! It all means the world to me <3

Request are always open

Taglist: @ceriseheaven @ghosttownwherenoonegoes

@manyfandomsfanvergent

#steve harrington x reader #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington #eddie munson #eddie munson imagines #eddie and wayne munson #stranger things #stranger things imagines #stranger things x reader #requested

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hobistyles · 1 year

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Forbidden Love (Part Two)

Pairing: Taehyung x Reader

Warnings/Tags: Cussing, cheating (please don't ever do this), flashbacks, slight smut (but not descriptive), Tae is an asshole, y/n is annoying. *I want to remind everyone that this writing involves infidelity and can make several people uncomfortable, which is never my intention! Please do not read if it makes you uncomfortable*

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3

A/N: Sorry, it took me a while to post this since I've been super busy. Part three is already in the works, and hopefully posted soon! Thank you to everyone who has been patient! Also, a big thank you for supporting and following my blog!

“Listen, you either go talk to him and end things now or he’ll find out everything that we’ve been doing behind his back! I’m tired of this back and forth with you, Y/N! I’ve given you multiple chances to go talk to him!”

“Taehyung…please don’t do this to me! You know how hard it is. I just can’t bring myself to do it!” Tears form down your face, feeling anxious about the whole thing. You knew this was wrong and you couldn’t ever forgive yourself for cheating on a guy like Jungkook. Cheating was never taught to you, in fact, you never agreed with it. It was just something that happened out of nowhere. It was worse knowing how Jungkook was towards you. He adored you, treated you like an absolute queen, spoiled you, gave you everything and more than you could ever ask for. That’s why it broke your heart that you were doing this and you never understood why, but you just couldn’t stop. Taehyung was like a drug to you.

“Tsk, tsk, tsk,” Taehyung puts his finger on your chin, pulling your head up to face him. “It’s too late to cry, princess. You weren’t crying when all of this had started…or when I had you screaming my name for hours.”

“Fuck you! I’m not telling Jungkook anything. I don’t want to be with you anymore, Tae. I can’t do this to him!”

Taehyung swallows harshly. He bawls his fist up and slams it against the wall next to you, making you jump.

“I…I don’t love you.” You look deeply into his eyes.

Before you can add anything else, he stops you mid way. “You don’t mean it. I know what we both feel.”

“Alright, just know that this is what you asked for!” He walks away, furious that you couldn’t build the courage to leave his best friend. He slams the door shut and you immediately start to panic. Is he going to tell him? You rush towards the door, but no signs of Taehyung in the hallway. You want to go after him, but maybe it’s the best for him to let Jungkook know. You were ready to face the consequences of your actions and you just hoped that your boyfriend would forgive you. No, that’s not what you wanted. You didn’t want to lose him, so you were going to make sure that Jungkook would never find out. Even if that meant going back and forth with Taehyung.

*FLASHBACK*

“The spark isn’t there and I feel him so distant. It makes me feel like he doesn’t care about me anymore.” Tears stream down your face as you look into Taehyung’s eyes. All he could do was feel sympathy. He didn’t like seeing you so vulnerable—so destroyed. Throughout the years of being with Jungkook, it made you build a strong relationship with Taehyung. However, when your relationship with Jungkook was starting to fall off, Taehyung was your shoulder to cry on.

“What if he has someone else?” You cry, pouring yourself another glass of wine.

“He’s not, and hey! You’re on your third bottle Y/N. Drinking is not good for you and it’s not going to solve anything!”

“I don’t care! Tonight it will and as my best friend, you should have a glass with me. You’ve only had a couple.”

“I’ve had enough Y/N…I’m feeling it right now as we speak.”

You look over at Taehyung as he slumps himself on your couch. Eyes closed, hair messy, cheeks flustered by the alcohol he had consumed.

“T…are you even listening to me?”

“Hmm? I am, I am, I’m up,” he chuckles as he looks into your eyes.

Your gaze falls on his plump, perfectly shaped lips. “I just. I just want to be loved Taehyung.” You whisper as you slowly lean closer to him. “It’s been a while since Jungkook has made me feel that way. I want to be able to know I’m desired by my man.” You didn’t give Taehyung a chance to speak as your lips crash into his. You quickly pull away, realizing your mistake.

“Taehyung! I—I’m sorr-” He cuts you off mid sentence and pulls your face to his, kissing you passionately. Before you know it, Taehyung is in between your legs pumping himself in and out of you. Each thrust was full of love, affection, something you hadn’t felt in a long time.

*FLASHBACK ENDS*

“Baby? You alright?” Jungkook laughs as he waved his hand in front of your face before pulling you closer to him. The two of you cuddled in the couch.

“Yeah, I’m sorry. Babe, have you spoken to Taehyung?”

“Not recently, he’s been busy or so he says. I think he may have someone he’s seeing. He talks about her all the time with the rest of the hyungs. But, what’s the sudden question for?”

You shrug, “No reason at all, just—” your words are cut off by a quiet knock at the door. “I’ll get it,” you smile at Jungkook as he releases his grip on you. You turn the knob and there he was…Kim Taehyung. “W-what are you doing here?”

“Is Jungkook here? I need to talk to him,”

“No,” you put your hands on his chest, trying to stop him from coming inside.

“I’m telling him everything we’ve done and you’re packing your shit and coming with me!”

“Be quiet, please!” You cover his mouth, “Jungkook is inside! Look, listen…if you leave, I’ll go see you right now!” There was nothing that came to mind to stop Taehyung from causing a scene, so that was the only thing that you could come up with.

“You promise?” He grabs you by the waist and pulls you close to him.

You nod, causing him to sigh.

“Give me a kiss, Y/N.”

“I—I can’t…not right now.”

“Fine,” he grips your jaw to face him, “but you’re going to spend the night with me,” and with that, he walked away.

Shivers ran down your spine, thinking of how could you possibly tell Jungkook that you were leaving for the night. How you were abandoning him to be with another man, that man being his best friend. All the lies made your adrenaline ruin through your veins. Another reason why you couldn’t leave Taehyung alone.

“Kook…” You whisper.

“Hm?” He hums.

“Something came up and I need to go. Don’t wait up on me, I probably won’t come back till tomorrow morning.”

“What? Who was that? Why do you have to go so suddenly? Please don’t leave me. It’s been hard to take off from work so we can spend time together, Y/N.”

“I know, I know, but my friend really needs me. She had this big fight with her boyfriend and she just needs my support. I promise as soon as she calms down, I’ll come back and we can spend the night together. Does that sound good?” You kiss his lips, trying to bring him some sort of comfort.

“Yeah, just come back, please.” He smiles and kisses your hand, letting you go.

It took everything in you not to fall apart in front of him. His words stabbed your heart a million times. Was it possible that maybe you were in love with Taehyung that you were willing to break Jungkook’s heart? You grab your keys, trying to keep yourself together in front of your boyfriend. The car starts, tears rolling down your face as you drive to go see Taehyung once again. You couldn’t wait to be in his arms, smell him, touch him…so many thoughts came to your head, but one thing you were certain of was that you wanted to be with your lover tonight.

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ljxlj48 · 1 year

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A Racer's Heart

Chapter 03

F1Driver!Jeno X Reader X F1Driver!Jaemin

Preview, 01, 02, 03, 04, 05…

Genre: love triangle, co-workers to lovers, slight enemies to lovers

Warnings: swearing, suggestive content, drugs, alcohol, angst, dangerous situation

Word Count: 3.1K+

Author's Note: I am not good at making sure I got all the warnings, so if you guys think I should include something please let me know. Also after this chapter most of the story revolves around their relationships rather than the sport, so it should pick up from here on out. hugs and kisses to anyone reading <3333

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“16 turns, two DRS zones, I want you to make sure that no one is within a second of you on the straights, that’s basically going to be like…”

“Like giving my position away,” Jeno cuts off your statement as you both walk into the garage. “I got this y/n, it’s not my first time racing in Barcelona.”

“I know,” you conceid.

“It’s only practice today, I’m gonna be okay,” Jeno spoke slowly and reassuringly. He knew. He can’t say how he knows, but he knows that you become extra anxious when he is out on the circuit. He knows that you hold onto your breath whenever you watch him overtake someone. He knows you don’t stop until he’s out of the car. He knows you’re waiting for him to come back at the end of every race. He knows it.

“I know,” you try to smile reassuringly. You don’t know if you’re trying to reassure yourself or Jeno right now. But you try.

Barcelona goes by faster than you anticipate. You imagine that it goes by even faster for Jeno. You stand on the sidelines throughout the weekends, watching Jeno on the circuit, on his media duties, on his press conferences. You watch Jeno’s relationship with the team grow and grow. His mechanics are starting to get comfortable around him. The pit crew is talking more with him. Jeno was always a friendly person, he could never stand someone not liking him. Even his and Jaemin’s relationship has picked up.

They’re beginning to look like the best of friends nowadays. When you guys finally make it to Monaco, there isn’t a moment where they are separated from each other. All their media duties are being done together. The marketing team loves the amount of free and openly available content they can use. The fans are loving it, you think you saw a ship post the other day on social media. And both of them are starting to do better during the races too.

P6 and P7 for Jeno and Jaemin, respectively, in Barcelona. Then P5 and P6, for Jaemin and Jeno, respectively, in Monaco.

You stood outside the media bullpen, watching the two of them conduct their post-race interviews in Monaco. “Jaemin, this is the first race of the season that you out-qualified and outperformed your teammate, do you think it’s about time?”

You held your breath waiting for Jaemin’s response, you could hear him chuckle a bit. “I mean, it feels great to get great results for the team and myself, but like I said in past races, my failure to perform at a high level early on in the season is my fault alone. And I think if I work hard at it, I will continue to have performances like I did this afternoon.”

“Thank you Jaemin,” the reporter said. You let out your breath after hearing Jaemin’s response. You decided at that time maybe it was best to be on your way, gather your notes to present to Jeno about the race.

Just as you walked away, you heard someone call out to you. You turned back around to spot Jaemin waving you down. “y/n?”

“Yes?” you took this moment to take all of Jaemin in. He was extremely handsome, his racesuit half off tied around his waist. The fireproofs were hugging his biceps perfectly, and the sweat dripping down the side of his face, gave him a sultry look. You found yourself licking your lips.

“Me and some of the team are going out to a nightclub tonight, join us?”

“Um, I don’t know Jaemin. I’m not that familiar with the Monaco night scene.”

“Come on y/n, you’ll be with me there won’t be anything to worry about,” Jaemin added, trying to convince you. “Jeno also said he was gonna come out tonight.”

You were taken aback slightly by the mention of Jeno. He usually always invites you out with him whenever he’s going out. You wondered why he didn’t invite you tonight, writing it off as maybe he forgot or maybe he wasn’t actually going to go out tonight. “I still have some work to do, I don’t know what time I’ll finish.”

“y/n, we don’t have to be in Azerbaijan until next week,” Jaemin tilted his head a bit to the right, his eyes piercing right through you, “I’ll pick you up from the hotel at 8, be ready.”

Before you could protest anymore, Jaemin walked away. Not that you were really going to protest. Jaemin was infamous for getting anyone and everyone to agree with his agendas. You also thought that maybe you could use a night out, especially since everyone always talks about the Monaco night scene. And if anything Jeno might be there, so it won’t be so bad.

You travel from country to country, not in one place for too long that you don’t really pack a lot of clothes. You probably had everything that was in your luggage sprawled out on your bed. Jaemin said he was gonna pick you up at 8, and you weren’t ready to go until 7:59. You made sure to use up all your time in getting ready for tonight.

The car ride to the nightclub was short, Jaemin didn’t speak much, or at all. He greeted you when you entered the car, but nothing more than that. When you guys arrived, Jaemin took your arm, as he walked you into the club. The small gesture causes a flurry of butterflies in your stomach. However that soon would disappear, when you lost Jaemin into the crowd. The first minute or 15 didn’t bother you, as you knew Jaemin was popular, and there were probably a lot of people for him to greet.

It wasn’t until you spent the greater part of an hour trying to figure out where Jaemin was, in a packed nightclub. You thought about getting a cab to take you back to your hotel, as you weren’t that comfortable being out by yourself.

“What’s a pretty girl doing alone here?” someone had come up to ask you.

“Oh,” you tried to laugh it off, “I'm here with a friend we just got separated from each other for a second.”

“Well let's sit at the bar and try to find them.” the guy suggested with a smile, your gut told you to say no. To say that you could find Jaemin on your own, but your mind was telling you to calm down.

“Okay,” you said, as you let them lead you to the bar.

You found a singular seat at the bar. The guy said he didn’t mind standing and letting you sit. He began to talk, asking what your friend looked like to help keep an eye out, for you. You gave Jaemin’s description, you didn’t want to expose the fact that you were with a world renowned race car driver.

“Look, whoever your friend is, he’s an ass for leaving you alone like this,” the guy spoke frankly to you. You could tell he was attempting to make a move on you, but you left your guards up.

“He really didn’t mean to leave me alone, he just went to greet some people he knew and we got separated.” You came to Jaemin’s defense, making up false excuses for him. When quite frankly, he was being an ass. You told him you weren’t familiar with the Monaco night scene, and he still insisted for you to come along. Just to leave you the second you got here.

While you continued to look around the club to hopefully see any familiar face, the guy that was standing by you at the bar continued to make small talk. In order to pass the time, and to appear not being rude, you entertained the conversation. The guy standing in front of you had to be over six feet tall, with a fair complexion, and piercing eyes. Most definitely European, he had dark hair, and his accent made him sound French. But everyone here speaks French.

He was actually being fairly respectful, he didn’t invade your personal space without asking. He never touched you, and he kept his hands where you could see them. He also pretended to look for Jaemin in the crowd with you. He was being so nice, that you felt bad for keeping your guard up.

“We still didn’t find your friend, let me at least get you a drink,” he asked.

“Okay, a martini, dry,” you took a breath, “please.”

“You got it.”

You let him talk to the bartender while you continued to look into the crowd trying to find Jaemin. You wouldn’t be so hell bent on finding Jaemin, but he was your ride, and you don’t even know what club you are at tonight.

“Here is your drink,” the guy said, as he picked up his beer from the counter, and you turned around to pick up your martini. “If your friend is as good as you say he is, i’m sure he’ll come looking for you.”

“He better, he’s my ride back to the hotel.”

“Hotel? You don’t live here?” You took a sip from your drink. Wrong move, never let a stranger know you’re just a tourist. “Neither do I, I was just here for the Grand Prix. Were you here for that too?”

You calmed down, the alcohol in your drink loosening you up a bit, “yeah, I actually was.”

“Amazing race wasn’t it? Do you have a favorite team or maybe driver?”

“It was a good race, my favorite driver is Lee,” you answered.

“Ah yes, my favorite would have to be Pierre, gotta support the French.”

“And what about Ocon?”

“Maybe not all the French,” the guy joked and you laughed. The more the conversation went on, the more relaxed you felt. The guy in front of you was doing an excellent job of making you laugh, that you began to forget about Jaemin or even attempted to look for him. You stopped trying to look for anyone, instead just focusing on the guy in front of you. You were actually having trouble focusing on anything except the guy in front of you.

It must be the alcohol, you thought. It was too strong, you must be starting to become a lightweight. You could’ve sworn you could hold your liquor better than this. You decided that you were gonna go to the restroom, trying to splash some water on your face to sober up. You relayed your thoughts to the guy in front of you.

As soon as you got up from the bar stool, the room started to spin. “Woah, you okay there?” the guy in front of you asked.

“Yeah, I just need to get my feet under me,” you slurred your words together. This most definitely wasn’t just alcohol.

“Let me help you,” the guy suggested. You tried to push him off, but it felt like his grip was starting to tighten. You felt him start to push you, not being gentle with his movement.

When you first got to the club you made a note of where the restroom was, just as an old habit. In a moment of flight or fight, you found the strength to push him off. The guy released his grip, and you shoved your way through the crowd to the bathroom. As soon as you got inside, you found a stall and locked yourself inside.

You grabbed your phone out from your purse, your mind only drawing one conclusion. You needed to call Jeno. You wanted to just close your eyes while you let the phone ring. You could hear Jeno answer the phone, you began to mumble a few things, trying to tell Jeno what happened. You hope, and pray that he understands you enough.

“Excuse me, is there a y/n in here?” you heard what sounded like a young woman ask.

“Here,” you slurred, raising your hand to unlock the bathroom stall.

The girl offered a sad smile, “your boyfriend Jeno is here to get you, he’s right outside.”

You nodded your head, as she helped you to your feet. When you made it out of the restroom, Jeno was right there, waiting for you. He was still dressed in his sweats, his hair was disheveled, he looked like someone that just got out of bed.

“Thank you,” Jeno thanked the girl, taking you from her. Your mind was still a bit foggy, but you had enough sense of understanding what everyone around you was saying.

Jeno began to lead you out to the front, “did I wake you? I didn’t mean to wake you, I’m sorry Jeno. I know I shouldn’t have gone out tonight.” You were saying, more like mumbling and slurring, the first thoughts that came to your mind, not having enough strength to filter through them. “I promise no more going out, I’ll be a good girl from now on. I won’t cause you anymore trouble Jeno.”

Jeno didn’t acknowledge your mumblings, thinking that you guys could talk about it in the morning when you were fully sober. He just wanted to get you back to the hotel already. He didn’t want to be here much longer, and he especially didn’t want the media to see either of you guys here, like this.

Before Jeno could make it out the front doors, from the shadows emerged Jaemin. “Dude you made it,” Jaemin, who was clearly heavily intoxicated, caught Jeno’s other arm, not seeing Jeno holding you up on the other side initially. “y/n is supposed…”

Jeno turned, stopping Jaemin from saying anything more.

“What…what happened?” Jaemin asked, as he looked at you, clearly out of it. The sight of you, causing any effects of the previously consumed alcohol to wear off.

“I don’t know, you tell me Jaemin, you’re the one that was here not me.” Jeno was fuming, as he was beginning to have a vague understanding of what had happened.

“Jen, I…”

“She called me crying and slurring her words, she could barely put two words together, let alone a complete sentence to tell me what she drank, or where she was, or who she was with.” There were stories about how scary Jeno was when he’s mad, but Jaemin always thought that was just people exaggerating to give Jeno a bad boy image. Jaemin knows now it’s not an exaggeration. “What did you give her, Jaemin?”

“Jeno, I swear I didn’t do this to her.”

“Well if you didn’t do it, you let it happen.”

The next morning you woke up with the worst headache of your life. You were laying in your bed, in your hotel room, you looked over to see Jeno sleeping in one of the chairs with just a jacket covering his arms. You got out of bed, placing the blanket you were originally wrapped in on him, and heading to the shower. Last night was still a bit blurry in your mind, you remembered going to the club with Jaemin. You remembered meeting a stranger there, you remembered running to the bathroom.

You just don’t remember anything after being in the bathroom. After you got out of the shower, brushed your teeth, and put on fresh clothes, you still saw Jeno sleeping peacefully on the chair in the corner. You decided to get some coffee and breakfast for Jeno when he woke up. You grabbed your phone and wallet before heading downstairs.

Looking at your phone, you notice several missed calls from Jaemin and even more unread text messages. Before you could respond to any of them, you ran into Jaemin in the elevator, heading downstairs.

“I was just coming to see you,” Jaemin said with an air of worry.

“Why?” you question with a bit of an awkward smile.

“Are you okay? Last night…” before Jaemin could say anymore, your phone started to ring. Jeno’s name appears on the screen.

“Sorry Jaemin, let me just answer this.” You slide the green button on your screen, answering your phone for Jeno. “Hello,” you answered.

“y/n, where are you?” Jeno spoke quickly.

“I’m heading downstairs, I was gonna bring you a coffee and some breakfast.”

“Why didn’t you wake me, I would’ve gone with you.”

“You looked tired, I wanted to let you sleep,” you answered. Jaemin is only able to hear your side of the conversation, slowly putting the pieces together in his own mind. Jaemin knows Jeno picked you up from the club, he knows Jeno brought you back to the hotel, and now he knows that you and Jeno slept in the same room last night.

“Wait in the lobby for me, I’ll come downstairs and we’ll go together.” Jeno said, before hanging up the phone.

You sighed, “I’m sorry Jaemin, what were you saying earlier now?” you turned your attention back to Jaemin.

“I just wanted to make sure you were okay from last night, I’m sorry about…”

“Do you remember what happened last night?”

“Huh?” Jaemin looked at you confused, he only remembered what he did last night. He remembers leaving you alone last night, after telling you, you had nothing to worry about. He remembers Jeno staring holes through his head. He remembers seeing you leaving with Jeno.

“I mean,” you sighed, knowing that you should be able to remember, you just couldn’t. “I know we went to the club together, I know I met a guy at the bar, I remember going to the restroom, but everything else is a blur. And even the parts I do remember are blurry.”

Just at that moment, both you and Jaemin arrived on the lobby floor. Jaemin let you step out of the elevator first. “We did go to the club together, and I left you, alone.” Jaemin said. “I’m sorry y/n, I should have never left you alone that night. I told you that I would stay with you and I didn’t, this is my fault.”

You nodded your head, “thank you for apologizing.” You thanked Jaemin, even though you weren’t entirely sure why he was apologizing to you.

“y/n,” you turned to see Jeno stepping off the other elevator, walking towards you. You watched Jeno, give Jaemin the dirtiest look, before checking on you. “You okay?”

“Yeah of course,” you answered.

“Let’s go get breakfast,” Jeno said, pulling you away. You waved a little ‘bye’ to Jaemin, before walking away.

“That was a bit rude,” you spoke candidly to Jeno, after the two of you stepped away from Jaemin.

“What?”

“You didn’t greet Jaemin, that was a bit rude Jeno.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Jeno dismissed, as he dropped his arm around your shoulders, pulling you a little closer as the two of you walked out the lobby doors. You looked back to still see Jaemin standing there, watching the two of you go.

-----------------------

Taglist: @90sgatsby-jjh@neothingss@lanadreamie@cuteejeno

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achilleanwizard · 1 year

Text

I was tagged by @punkranger (Thank you!!! 😊) And I’m going to tag @gelvaan @sataari @mutantenfisch @deviant3lover @averagejermafan @demianwas and @aelyosos (Feel free to ignore this if you’ve already done it, or just don’t feel like filling it out for your OC(s)!! I’ve just noticed you guys talking about your ocs, and I’d love to hear more about them!)

BASICS

Full Name: Alexander Valente

Gender: Male?? Look, we’ve got more important things to worry about right now, okay?

Sexuality: Biromantic Bisexual

Pronouns: As of right now? Just he/him. He’s pretty comfy with she/her too though. It’s flattering that people think he might be a girl

OTHERS

Family: He never had anyone he considered family; Just very good friends. If asked about it, then he’d say something along the lines of “Do you think I would take the boost drug, with a notoriously very low survival rate, in order to get superhero powers if I had any family I wanted to talk about?”

Birthplace: ???, Nevada, USA

Job: A consultant. Who is he advising and what is he giving them advice about? Mind your business

Phobias: Spiders. Heights. Especially looking out of windows from a very tall height. Admitting he has feelings for a certain someone(s). Abandonment. Probably a whole bucketful more, but those are the main ones.

Guilty Pleasures: Sugar in all it’s various forms (even if he needs the energy to function/for his telepathy) Taking the time to read and appreciate art when not working. Painting his nails (but only when possessing the Puppet’s body) Taking time off work. Buying three entire floors of a luxury skyscraper to house his villain base/office, Renting the most luxurious top floor penthouse (That would make Mayor Osborn (from spider-man) weep tears of envy) he could afford for a home that he barely resides in, Pleasures of the flesh (it’s like a catholic priest up in here) Honestly, it would be easier to list things he isn’t guilty about. (Killing. He’s not guilty about those he’s killed, even if he should be.)

Hobbies: Playing piano. Scheming. Beating up Daniel behind a Wendy’s parking lot Training Daniel. Kissing Daniel too. Starting fights that he can’t possibly hope to win/finish

MORALS

Morality Alignment: Chaotic Neutral

Sins: Desire / Despair / Envy / Fear / Hunger / Pride / Rage / Sloth (so almost all of them…)

Virtues: Charity / Chastity / Diligence / Humility / Justice / Kindness / Patience

THIS OR THAT

introvert/extrovert organized/disorganized close minded/open-minded calm/anxious disagreeable/agreeable cautious/reckless patient/impatient outspoken/reserved leader/follower empathetic/unempathic optimistic/pessimistic traditional/modern hard-working/lazy

RELATIONSHIPS

Otp: It’s cruel that you’re making me choose between Herald and Ortega. But gun to my head…. Chargestep. There’s nothing quite like old lost loves.

Ot3: I forget the ‘official’ name for it but, Herald/Sidestep/Ortega (Flychargestep? Chargeflystep?)

Acceptable Ships: Alexander flirts with everyone possible, so. Argentstep. Steelstep. Mortumstep? <- Is that the right name? Anyway, he’ll smooch just about anyone.

Brotp: I have to admit, I’ve been thinking about different Sidestep interactions from time to time. I think he’d be good buddies with some, and have a, uh, very *interesting* dynamic with others. Not naming any specific Sidesteps to 1. Avoid any favoritism and 2. Not humiliate myself even further. He’s annoying though, and he revels in that, so it might only be a good time for him. Oh, also Anathema and Sidestep. Best bros for life (or death)

Notp: Oh, this one’s tough. Shroud/Sidestep if that’s even a thing. It’s on sight for him with her. He don’t trust random Regenes like that. (Unless it’s a multiple Sidesteps AU) HG/Sidestep too cause… yeah. If you know you know. Icky. Blaze/Sidestep, because I like teasing my friends(?) (acquaintances?) 😉

#Notice how Nocturne and Jake aren’t on the Notp list….#anyway they can give Alexander a call if they want a good time 🤙#he’s Mr. steal your [redacted]’s girlfriend and/or boyfriend #…actually now that I’m embarrassing myself anyway #I’ve also been thinking about some sidestep/sidestep interactions for him….#which I will keep entirely to myself #and goodnight #tag games #oc: alexander valente #Anyway I’m so very sorry that this is probably incomprehensible to some of you guys #and to that I say… please play Fallen Hero: Rebirth cause it’s so very good #10/10 video game #and the sequel is coming out on February 2nd!#2023 #in case the year was in question

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wheretheresaway-theresawilliam · 3 months

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Chapter 10: Fetch, Boy!

Word Count: 932

TWs: Sickness/nausea, breaking and entering, stealing, unhealthy relationships

/) /) ( • ༝•)

It seemed nothing could go right for Vanessa since Vanita showed up. Now, on top of second-guessing herself about how the rave had gone, she was beginning to feel ill. No matter what she tried, nausea pills, herbal tea, water, exercise, eating light, her symptoms remained. After a week, she was surprised she had anything more to chuck up. She was barely keeping down water and saltines and was beginning to experience severe headaches. She had stuck it out this far, but she knew she’d have to call in on Tuesday.

Not to mention she had absolutely no idea where the symptoms had come from. If she had taken any drugs at the rave, they should’ve been flushed from her system by now. While she shuddered and sweat in her bed with a bucket on standby, she almost swore she heard a door opening. Then she closed her eyes, briefly slipping out of consciousness… only to jolt back to reality when she heard footsteps. Someone had entered her room, though her reflexes were too delayed to do too much about it.

“Sawyer?? What are you doing in my apartment?? How did you get in?!” Vanessa asked weakly, trying to sit up.

“Don’t hurt yourself trying to get up,” Sawyer chastised, putting his hands out to stop her. He wore black latex gloves. “And frankly, you’re wasting energy. Don’t mind how I got in or why I’m here, just answer my questions.”

Vanessa made a puzzled and anxious expression. “I don’t understand…”

He took a breath. “When was the last time you saw your father?”

Her stomach rolled unhappily as her eyes widened at the question. “Why would you ask me something like that??”

“Just answer the question, Vanessa.”

“N-no, I won’t… I can’t… get out of my apartment!”

“Answer. The question. I can stand here all day… not like you can do anything about it. Honestly, a security guard who doesn’t even keep a weapon by her bedside, it’s like you’re asking for an intruder.”

He sighed when she began to tremble under his gaze. “How about I make you some tea? Calm your nerves…” He turned and exited the room. Immediately, Vanessa dry-heaved into her bucket, groaning and coughing afterwards. Tea? She had tried that already. It wasn’t going to stay down for long. Sawyer returned shortly, forcing a steaming mug into her hands.

“Drink up. When was the last time you saw your father?” He enunciated each word as he asked the question again. Reluctantly, Vanessa drank. Woozy and out of her mind, she couldn’t exactly refuse.

“Mom got full custody of me when I was eleven, but probably when I was sixteen… I talked to him over the phone when I graduated high school, and that was the last time I contacted him, ever.”

“Thank you for cooperating. And by ever, you mean a complete lack of contact since then, correct?”

“Yeah…” What did you put in this tea??

“So you’ve no idea of his current whereabouts?”

She nodded, then instantly regretted it, closing her eyes against the pain and nausea.

“Do you still remember his phone number, given that it hasn’t changed in the past decade?”

“Why are you asking me about my dad??”

“You should drink more of that tea.”

She did, resulting in nothing but disgust.

“The phone number, Vanessa.”

“Right… urgh… it’s…” She squinted as she tried to retrieve it from her memories. With little effort, it came to her as clearly and as violently as a baseball through a window. “555-1252.”

Sawyer quickly made note of this in his phone. “That’s all I needed.” He then walked over to her closet and opened it, examining the articles within.

“Hey, what are you doing…?!” Vanessa asked, her panic delayed as she set aside the ghastly tea.

“Just taking some things off of your hands. Lay back down.”

“Stop that!” She hoisted herself up onto her elbows, turning her head toward the wall. “Help! Somebody, if you’re home, help, I’m being robbed!”

“Shhhut, shut up!” Sawyer quickly ran back over, clamping his hand over her dry lips. “Drink the tea!”

Whimpering as he went back to the closet, she drank more tea. She watched helplessly as he began throwing her clothes into a garbage bag he had taken from his pocket.

“Why are you doing this??” She whispered. He didn’t answer. “Sawyer, you’re not a bad guy… this isn’t like you…”

“Have you finished that tea yet?”

“It’s horrible…”

“Yes, but it will help,” he lied. She gulped the rest of it down.

“There… are you happy?” She suppressed a vile belch. “Get out of my apartment…”

I’m sorry, Vanessa. He closed the garbage bag and her closet, then finally did as he was told, leaving the room, with her a wreck in her bed. She collapsed against the mattress, exhausted. Why am I so sick??

Once out of the apartment building, Sawyer ducked around the corner to text Vanita his findings.

S: I got the phone number and the clothes

V: good boy~

V: well, don’t be a stranger, send it over

S: 555-1252

V: thanks for finally growing a pair ;)

Sawyer grimaced at the texts. She’d treated him so horribly since they started “working” together, and yet, he couldn’t walk away. It was easy when they were in bed, or when he was alone, and could just think of her as a fantasy. That bubble burst whenever she bossed him around like this. She was making him into a criminal! All because he had a thing for alternative chicks… and apparently crazy chicks, too.

#fnaf #fnaf au #fnaf fic #vanessa fnaf #vanny fnaf #Doppelgänger! au

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grasslandgirl · 2 years

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HELLO oh I am :eyes emoji: at every single thing on that list, your wips sound so. cool! absolutely dying to hear more about leverage ot3 amnesia ideas & juno steel and the case of the lost memories, whatever you are interesting in sharing <3

oh with JOY will i talk about these jade, with JOY!!

i'm gonna put this below a cut cause i'm gonna answer and give snips for both and it's gonna get LONG bc i Cannot Shut Up xox

for the leverage ot3 amnesia au i dont have a TON written, it was more just a collection of amnesia au ideas for all three of them that i was putting down so as not to forget them- i'm such a sucker for amnesia aus where the concrete memories are gone, but the sense memories and the gut instincts, and the muscle memory remains; and i think that trope carries over really interestingly to the leverage ot3-- parker who feels herself physically relaxed around these two strange men she doesn't know, eliot who instinctively lets these strangers touch him because some part inside of him he can't remember knows they won't hurt him, etc etc

i haven't written a ton of it, but i do have a dash of eliot pov i'll slide your way <33

Everything’s fuzzy. Eliot hates when things are fuzzy. He blinks against the crust in his eyes, but whatever room he’s in is clinically bright. His mouth is dry and his whole body is a single dull ache- heavy medication. Someone’s drugging him. In the back of his mind, Eliot’s furious about that; wants to rage until everything is burned out of his system and he can think clearly again, but he can’t remember why. Why he’s- wherever he is. Why he hates mind-numbing medication so badly. Why he needs it in the first place. The alarms in the back of his head are clanging- telling him, danger, threats, wake up, get up, fight your way out- but Eliot has to fight to open his eyes all the way. He’s in a hospital. And- yeah, okay, that makes sense; even if it ignites the same anxious-angry pit in his stomach the meds do. Glaring halogen ceiling lights and clinical white walls and a softly beeping heart monitor and an IV plugged into his arm (he fights the urge to rip it out, if only for the moment) and- a man. Sitting in the chair next to him.

:)))) eliot pov my beloved....... i should write more leverage fic, huh?

and then SIMILARLY juno steel and the case of the missing memories is ALSO an amnesia au ksjvnskfjvnsfb

the concept was that at some point vaguely s3 on the carte blanche, juno gets a bad hit and loses all his memories of basically the plot of the show- so he can remember everything before the case of the murderous mask- but he doesn't remember anything with the kanagawas, or meeting nureyev, or the martian pill, or losing his eye, etc etc etc

so he wakes up on this ship- off mars for the first time in his life- still in a pre-s1 headspace, with only one eye and a bunch of people he doesn't know. and rita :)

tbh i only got like. a couple eps into s3 of junoverse and then never got caught back up (whoops) so like. idk what really happens during s3 and this fic was a big project in terms of like. going back to s1 juno characterization and foiling that against who s3 juno is and who s3 peter is, and how this kind of regression effects their relationship (or lack thereof, at the outset of the fic, bc they're not together yet) and while i did and do think it's really interesting, it was also like. a big thing to undertake and i got wary of like. characterizing juno effectively in it? and i wanted to slow roll him regaining his memories in bits and pieces and was having trouble pacing that effectively, and so it ended up on a back burner i never returned to </3 alas

but maybe someday when i finally go back and relisten to and catch up on tpp i'll go back and wirte more of it! in the mean time, have some snips:

He heard soft footsteps, almost silent, sliding across the hard floors of the ship behind him. Juno froze on instinct, senses sharpening to a knife’s point as he tried to focus on the steps over the blasting audio from Rita’s stream. If Rita noticed Juno stiffening, she didn’t say anything. Even though Rita had told him, again and again, that he could trust his fellow crew members aboard the Carte Blanche, that they were a family, Juno couldn’t shake the paranoia he’d known his whole life. He didn’t trust easy, he’d learned that the hard way over and over again as all the people he’d let into his life had betrayed or abandoned him. Except Rita. If he’d ever known how, Juno had long since forgotten how to be a part of a family, and this motley crew of criminals was no exception. The footsteps neared, and Juno’s mind- as fuzzy and slow-moving as it still was, even three days after whatever accident he’d had- spun, trying to remember where the closest gun was, just in case. In his periphery, Juno saw the figure approaching. Tall, with taller hair and narrow shoulders- Ransom. Some of the tension dropped from Juno’s shoulders. He still didn’t trust Ransom, there was something off about the guy, something about how he watched Juno and spoke so carefully around him that made Juno think he was hiding something. But there was something- a gut feeling Juno had about him. A deja vu kind of trust and comfort and uncertainty. Juno didn’t remember where it came from, but it was there. He trusted Ransom more than anyone else on the ship, other than Rita, even though that wasn’t saying much. Ransom came close enough to catch Juno’s eye. Raised his eyebrow in a silent question- the same one every person on the ship asked him every time they saw him: do you remember me yet? Juno shrugged, trying not to dislodge Rita too much. Ransom nodded, his expression never changing from the smooth, impassive mask he always wore. It itched at Juno, that impassivity. He wanted to know what was under it, wanted to know what Ransom was really thinking in that pretty head of his. The only people who were that careful and inscrutable were people with something to hide. Juno was a PI- he should know. As Ransom turned to walk away, Juno realized that the closest entrance to Ransom’s quarters was on his blind side. That he’d gone the long way around the ship to enter and exit within view of Juno’s periphery. Something uncertain and heavy and familiar squeezed in Juno’s stomach.

[i can't help another snippet, it's taking everythig i have not to give like three more on top of this, i forgot how good this au was skjfnvsfb sav from two years ago was crazy]

“Juno,” Ransom said, his voice infuriatingly even. “Ransom-” that was the other thing. The other muscle-sense-memory bullshit that made Juno’s head ache. It felt- wrong, every time he called him Ransom. Every time Juno saw him, or thought about him or started to say his name, he had to correct himself, make himself say Ransom; instead of the other name he had rattling around in his head. He didn’t know where it came from, or why he associated it so strongly with Ransom, but Juno was ready to fucking know who Peter Nureyev was, and why he could’t stop thinking about him. Patience wasn’t ever a strong suit for Juno. He bit the bullet. “Why do I have another name for you in my head, Ransom?” There. The flash of- of something, of emotion Juno had been waiting for. It was brief, something Juno might’ve missed if he hadn’t been looking so closely for any kind of reaction, but it was there. Shock, uncertainty, grief, flickered across Ransom’s face before settling back into his perpetual inscrutability. “I’m sure I don’t know what you mean, Juno,” Ransom said, but there was a tremor, barely there, under his composed tone. Juno had shaken him, and he was going to get answers, damnit, come hell or high water. “Really?” Juno challenged, and he’d forgotten a lot, but he hadn’t forgotten this: the chase, the interrogation, cornering somebody into admitting and confessing and telling Juno what he wanted- what he needed- to hear. “Then who the hell is Peter Nureyev?” There it was again; the flickering, uncertain emotion, the disappearance of Ransom’s composure, the twist in Juno’s stomach that meant he was onto something. “I- Juno, do you-” “No.” Ransom’s face fell, if infinitesimally. “I don’t- remember. Not really, but there’s… I don’t remember you, but I look at you and my brain says Nureyev, and I don’t fucking know why.”

:))) i just reread this whole wip- and it's almost 7k long- bc i didnt remember a lot of it and. oohohohoho. god. i was deranged.

thank you again for sending in this ask, jade!! sorry (not sorry) it got so long skjfvnksfjbn

send me the name of a wip off of this list and i'll reply with a snippet and/or my thoughts on it !!

#asks #tpp #leverage #brrbrbrrrrr head full had FULL

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vincewillard-1971 · 2 months

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Understanding psychotherapy and how it works

Resource: American Psychological Association

Learn how to choose a psychologist,how therapy works, how long it lasts, and what should and shouldn't happen during psychotherapy

Do you ever feel too overwhelmed to deal with your problems? If so, you're not alone.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, more than a quarter of American adults experience depression, anxiety, or another mental disorder in any given year. Others need help coping with serious illness, losing weight,born stopping smoking. Still others struggle to cope with relationship troubles, job loss, the death of a loved one, stress , substance abuse, or other issues. And these problems can often become debilitating.

What is Psychotherapy

A psychologist can help you.work through such problems. Through psychotherapy, psychologist apply scientifically procedures to help people develop healthier, more effective habits. There are several approaches to psychotherapy including cognitive-behavioral therapy, interpersonal therapy,and other kind of talk therapy that help individuals work through their problems.

Psychotherapy is a collaborative treatment based on the relationship between an individual and a psychologist. Grounded in dialogue, it provides a supportive environment that allows you to talk openly with someone who's objective, neutral, and non-judgemental. You are your psychologist will work together to identify and change the thought and behavior patterns that are keeping you from feeling your best.

By time you're done, you will not only have solved the problem that brought you in, but you will have learned new skills so you can better cope with whatever challenges arise in the future. erapy , you

When should you consider psychotherapy?

Because of the many misconceptions about psychotherapy, you may be reluctant to try it out. Even if you know the realities instead of the myths, you may feel nervous about it yourself.

Overcoming that nervousness is worth it. That's because any time your quality of life isn't what you want it to be, psychotherapy can help

Some people seek psychotherapy because they have felt depressed, anxious, or angry for a long time. Others may want help for a chronic illness that is interfering with their emotional or physical well-being. Still others may have short-term problems they need help navigating. They may be going through a divorce, facing an empty nest, feeling overwhelmed by a new job, or grieving a family member's death, for example.

Signs that could benefit from therapy include:

•You feel an overwhelmed, prolonged sense of helplessness and sadness

•Your problems don't seem to get better despite your efforts and help from family and friends

•You find it difficult to concentrate on work assignments or to carry out other everyday activities.

•Your actions m, such as drinking too much alcohol, using drugs , or being aggressive, are harming you or others

What are the different kinds of psychotherapy?

There are many different approaches to psychotherapy. Psychologist generally draw on one or more of these. Each theoretical perspective acts as a roadmap to help the psychologist understand their patients and their problems and develop solutions.

The kind of treatment you receive will depend on a variety of factors: current psychological research, your psychologist's theoretical orientation, and what works best for your situation.

Your psychologist's theoretical perspective will affect what goes on in his or her office. Psychologist's who use cognitive behavioral therapy, for example, have a practical approach to treatment. Your psychologist might ask you to tackle certain tasks designed to help you develop more effective coping skills. This approach often involves homework assignments.

Your psychologist might ask you to gather more information, such as logging your reactions to a particular situation as they occur. Or your psychologist might want to practice new skills between sessions, such as asking someone with an elevator phobia to practice pushing elevator buttons. You might also have reading assignments so you can learn more about a particular topic.

In contrast, psychoanalytic and humanistic approaches typically focus more on talking than doing. You might spend your sessions discussing your early experiences to help you and your psychologist better understand the root causes of your current problems.

Your psychologist may combine elements from several styles of psychotherapy. In fact, most therapists don't tie themselves to any one approach. Instead, they blend elements from different approaches and tailor their treatment according to each patient's needs

The main thing to know is whether your psychologist has expertise in the area you need help with and whether your psychologist feels he or she can help you.

Finding a psychotherapist

Once you've decided to try psychotherapy, you need to find a psychologist.

Why choose a psychologist for psychotherapy?

Psychologist who specialize in psychotherapy and other forms of psychological treatment are highly trained professionals with expertise in mental health assessment, diagnosis and treatment, and behavioral changes.

#Borderline personality Disorder

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flowgninthgil · 2 months

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So here I am in a corner of the second floor (two floors above the ground floor) of on the buildings of my campus, eating a cheap ham and cheese (pretty sure it's butter since it doesn't taste like any cheese I've ever had) sandwich, listening to Fishmonger album on loop.

Why did I decide to get that cheap sandwitch, a banana, and whatever english people call that third pastry, instead of getting a real meal with my friends? Who knows. I just feel so...

empty

I've noticed how people need to know they're not alone in their problems, and I'm thinking on doing a series of blog posts, starting with this one, just... telling my anxieties and whatever I feel like I'd want people to tell me.

I just wish I could believe myself.

So, yeah, people notice you, and not in a bad way, some people you're not even sure you'll ever be able to call friends will nod to you when they pass you.

Your friends don't mind you not spending time with them, it's alright.

I think

It's ok to have missed an evening/night out, you weren't here to know they'll go out.

No one's gonna talk to you if you close every door

One of my friend isn't here today, I hope they're not out burning themselves out to help everyone again. I miss them.

That last fucking line made me tear up a bit.

fuck feelings. How am I supposed to know I'm aroace when I don't know where I'm supposed to draw the lines of friendship? I can't even stop being anxious about it since putting my head on the shoulder of someone started a relationship.

I want physical contacts. I want to feel loved by my friends.

I wish I knew how to show people that.

And I'm surrounded by communists, trotskists, and anarchists, it shouldn't be hard.

I don't want drugs to make me forget, but everyone make it seems like the easiest answer. Fuck alcohols.

Shut your mouth, listen up when I talk, I'm a spoiled little brat, and I get what I want.

Shut your mouth, listen up when I talk, I'm a spoiled little brat and I get what I deserve....

Punk is hope

But I'm lost

And I can't see the shorelines around me.

I just have to reach out, don't I?

Okay, this is going waaaay too far.

fuck me

heh, I don't want that, I'm aroace.

but this whole shit got me thinking of suicide.

Nothing bad, on the contrary, I don't understand suicide when you got nothing to escape.

If life is just a dull cruise through life where you never stop to watch and take in, then suicide won't end shit, since there is nothing to end.

You'll only hurt the people around you, and if you got nothing for you, why should you take what others have?

Damn, I hope this is not going to turn into a weekly vent of my feelings, I'm not sure how much I can tell while not giving anything telling about myself.

Fuck me, I already gave my phone number to bilibili, why'd you do that shithead.

I'm gonna use Cunt as a insult now, because fuck that poll about if people found it offensive or not if they were british, aussie, kiwi, egomerican, or none of those.

Y'all lot of cunts, y'all are my fav fags, be happy in life. If I can't bring my own happiness, I might as well give other some I found on the way.

Fuck the cynicism,

Let the colours fly,

Don't care you think it's cringe

Because it's not your life.

Ravel in your friends and hobies,

Let your heart speak.

When a drifter say some shit,

just block that internet freak.

I just really don't care,

Put your hooves in the air tonight,

I wanna fall in love with everypony,

We gotta set the street alight.

Everything's so fucked and I'm tired of being scared,

So let's get out and fuck up equestria.

Fuck the mandate and the monarchy,

This our world now.

Do or die, you'll never make me.

Because the world will never take my heart.

Go and try, you'll never break me,

We want it all, we wanna play this part.

We'll carry on.

Big up to that plant in its pot at my right,

#anxiety #depression #anarchy #rant #vylet pony #spoiled little brat #aro #ace #aroace #fag #fishmonger #flower pot #welcome to the black parade #fuck #antonymph #lesbian ponies with weapons #punk

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counselingwithita · 1 year

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Should I See a Therapist?

Things that might mean you need to see a private therapist and how to get started finding the right professional.

Do I need therapy?

Therapy - also known as counselling, psychotherapy and talking therapy – is a process that involves you talking with a trained professional about your mental health issues or anything else that’s troubling you. Depending on the nature of your visit, you may see a particular specialist who can treat you appropriately. There are some differences between a therapist and a counselor, but both will treat you in a 'then and now' and help you learn valuable tools to be able to manage your symptoms and return to a healthy and happy way of life.

Going to therapy isn’t a sign of weakness and isn’t anything to be ashamed about. Admitting that you need help and reaching out for this is really important so that you can get back on track. It’s also important to understand that you don’t need to have hit ‘rock bottom’ or have a diagnosed mental health condition in order to benefit from therapy. It might be that there’s something troubling you at the moment, or you need some help and guidance with certain areas of your life such as your self-esteem, relationships or issues from your past that have re-surfaced.

You can talk to a therapist about anything you’re going through if it’s having a negative impact on how you’re feeling.

Here, we outline the signs that you may need therapy, discuss the many benefits of therapy and provide tips on how you can find the right therapist for you so you can start your recovery journey.

Signs you may need private therapy

If you find that you’re experiencing repeated emotional problems that are interfering with your day-to-day life, it might be that you could benefit from going to therapy.

You may be:

Feeling anxious

Generally feeling overwhelmed with everything

Overthinking and feeling as though you’re unable to ‘switch off’ from your thoughts

Feeling low and more tearful than usual

Getting angry more easily or struggling to regulate your emotions

Sleeping more or less than usual

Eating more or less than usual

Avoiding socialising with other people

Uninterested in activities or hobbies you used to enjoy doing

Struggling at work, university or school

Feeling hopeless and as though there’s no way out

Using substances such as drugs or alcohol to help you get through the day

Having thoughts of harming yourself or feeling as though you don’t want to be here anymore

These symptoms may be a sign of an existing mental illness such as depression, anxiety or addiction, or they may have started for no clear reason. Alternatively, it may be that you’ve recently gone through something particularly stressful or traumatic, and this is having an impact on how you’re feeling.

Whatever the cause, if these problems or emotions are having a negative impact on your wellbeing and affecting your ability to function in your daily life, it’s important you get help. There are many types of therapy that can help you to overcome your mental health worries and take back control.

The benefits of private therapy

Therapy has lots of benefits and has the potential to have a hugely positive impact on your wellbeing and quality of life. Effective therapy can improve multiple areas of your life, benefiting you emotionally, socially, professionally and even helping you to feel better physically.

Just some of the benefits of therapy include:

The use of proven and evidence-based techniques to explore your issues and help you get back on track. Many therapeutic methods will equip you with skills and coping mechanisms for life, meaning that you’re able to use these tools in the future if you ever feel like you may be struggling

The chance to talk openly and honestly with someone who is qualified, non-judgemental and who will uphold your confidentiality. This is especially beneficial if you have been suffering in silence for a long time or don’t feel as though you can open up to friends or family about what you’re going through. Therapy gives you a safe space to work through your issues with someone who is compassionate and objective

The opportunity to learn more about yourself. This might include learning how your past has shaped who you are now, why you feel the way you do, and the triggers for your emotions. Developing a more thorough understanding of yourself can help you to be aware of your feelings, why they have come about, and how you can cope better in the future

Improving your relationships with other people, including loved ones and colleagues. Therapy can help you to develop more self-awareness so you know how your behaviours may be impacting on others and it may also enable you to communicate better with other people. Also, if your problems are stemming from relationship or family issues, therapy can help you to resolve these and move forwards in a healthy way

Improving your self-esteem. Therapy can help you to set goals for your future and empowers you to be proactive in taking positive steps forward. This can increase your confidence and your ability to take charge of your own emotions and wellbeing

The ability to access therapy at a time and a place that suits you. Online counseling services allows you to receive expert counselling and psychotherapy from the comfort of your own home

Finding a therapist

Once you’ve made the decision to seek therapy for your mental health challenges or other issues that are going on in your life, it’s important to take the next steps when it comes to finding a therapist.

Find local providers that have an extensive team of qualified therapists who are dedicated to helping you every step of the way towards achieving the fulfilling future you deserve.

You can search for therapist near you, then call or contact their customer service team will be able to listen to your concerns and recommend the best specialist and treatment centre for your individual needs. They will provide you information on the procedures, treatment plans, and other information you might need.

Just a kindly reminder...

Whatever challenges you’re going through, whether you’re experiencing symptoms of a mental health condition, or going through other issues in certain areas of your life, you don’t have to struggle on your own. Therapy can help you to work through your difficulties in a safe and highly compassionate setting, empowering you to regain control. Take that next step today and get in touch – the therapist will support you every step of the way.

#counseling #psychotherapy #you matter #mental health care

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howtostoppornaddiction · 1 year

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How To Break The Addiction To Pornography

In this day and age, it's not uncommon for people to be addicted to pornography. If you or someone you know is struggling with this addiction, it can be difficult to break free. However, there are steps that can be taken to start the process of recovery. In this blog post, we'll explore some of the ways that therapists can help their clients break the addiction to pornography.

Understand the addiction

Addiction is a powerful disease that can take over your life if you don't get treatment. It's important to understand what addiction is and how it works before you can start on the path to recovery. How to stop porn addiction? Addiction is a physical and psychological dependence on a substance or activity. This means that you need the drug or activity to function normally. You may keep using it even though it's causing problems in your life. Addiction changes the way your brain works. It affects your decision-making, impulses, and emotions. Over time, you may not be able to control your urge to use the drug or do the activity. Addiction can cause serious problems in your life, including job loss, financial trouble, relationship problems, and legal trouble. But it's important to remember that addiction is a disease, and it's not your fault. With treatment and support, you can recover from addiction and lead a healthy, productive life.

Identify the triggers for pornography use

The trigger for pornography use can vary from person to person. For some, it may be boredom or curiosity that leads them to click on an online video or image. For others, it may be stress or anxiety that drives them to seek out explicit content as a form of escapism. It is also worth noting that many people who struggle with pornography addiction report feeling triggered by certain types of music, movies, or even ads. In other words, there is no single trigger for pornography use, and what may act as a trigger for one person may not have the same effect on another. However, understanding what personal triggers may lead to pornography use can be a helpful step in the journey towards recovery.

Replace the old habit with a new one

It is said that it takes 21 days to make or break a habit. Based on this timeline, it would stand to reason that replacing an old habit with a new one should be a relatively easy task. However, anyone who has ever tried to break a bad habit knows that this is not always the case. While it may be easy to start a new habit, sticking to it can be another matter entirely. There are a number of factors that can contribute to this difficulty, including lack of motivation, boredom, and stress. However, the most common obstacle to replacing an old habit with a new one is simply forgetting to do it. In our busy lives, it is all too easy to forget about our good intentions and fall back into old patterns of behavior. The key to successfully replacing an old habit with a new one is to find a way to keep the new habit front and center in our minds. This can be done by setting reminders, keeping a journal, or enlisting the help of friends and family. By taking these steps, we can increase our chances of making the switch for good.

Seek professional help if needed

It's perfectly normal to feel sad, anxious, or stressed out from time to time. Everyone goes through tough times and experiences difficult emotions. However, if these feelings last for more than a few weeks or start to interfere with your daily life, it might be time to seek professional help. A therapist can provide you with tools and resources to deal with your emotions in a healthy way. They can also help you identify any negative thought patterns or behaviors that might be contributing to your distress. If you're not sure whether therapy is right for you, consider talking to your doctor or a trusted friend or family member. Seeking professional help is a sign of strength, not weakness. It shows that you're ready to make a change and improve your life.

Stay strong and don't give up

No matter what life throws your way, it's important to stay strong and never give up. Whether you're facing challenges at work, at home, or in your personal life, it's essential to maintain a positive attitude and keep moving forward. It's easy to get caught up in the negative and feel like giving up is the only option, but giving in will only make things worse. Instead, face your challenges head-on and find the strength to overcome them. Remember, every problem has a solution-it's just a matter of finding it. So don't give up when things get tough-keep moving forward and stay strong.

If you're struggling with a pornography addiction, there is hope. By understanding the addiction and knowing your triggers, you can replace old habits with new ones. If you need professional help, don't be afraid to seek it out. Remember to stay strong and never give up – recovery is possible.

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dzpenumbra · 1 year

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11/10/22

I had a really interesting thought earlier. I was thinking about the pandemic, a theme for today. And reflecting on like... lost time. Like traumatic loss can cause you to kinda feel like you just lost a big chunk of time. Repressed memories, not wanting to relive stuff, it's like a chunk of your history is off-limits, you just don't go back there so it might as well not exist. For me, at least. And I was just sorta thinking... people who went through the pandemic having never gone through like... a really long term shitty relationship? Or a friendship gone really bad. Or a rough family life. They must be pretty shaken up by that. And also the after-effects. Like... feeling like you lost a chunk of your life. It's rough, and I think people should feel okay talking about that. And we really shouldn't judge that, it's still a loss and it's very disorienting. I just wanted to validate that.

Like... the only way pain heals is if it's given attention. Right? Like pain is an indication of injury. It's nerves sending a signal to the brain that there is damage that has occurred, right? That's the point of the nervous system. So like... the only way to make the pain alarm chill is to pay attention to the thing it's pointing at, right?

Okay, I'm gonna be honest, I'm really high tonight and I keep getting distracted and lost in my head. It makes it hard to write. And Max is super hyper, she hasn't played the past two days and I got her all worked up playing. That's where I had the thought, while fishing for my cat. XD

So I was just like... the lockdown stuff was like a bad relationship for some people. And it might be good to talk about it. Just to process it.

This topic is stressing me out. I had a night terror the other night, I slept pretty good last night, I got another fucking targeted ad for psych meds tonight, which is like... big gigantic fuck you to whatever analytics decided that was a good idea. Let's target a pharmaceutical company ad to a dude who has never been diagnosed with this condition. Like... when would I even have the opportunity to use this ad? Like what fucking use is it? Am I expected to go to my therapist and specifically request a brand-name drug for a condition I am not diagnosed with? Should I be going to Urgent Care and requesting a specific brand of like... diabetes medication if I don't have diabetes? This shit is illegal in a lot of other countries, can we please just quit it? Like I just had a giant panic attack because you peer pressured me to buy your drug while I was really emotionally vulnerable, can we just not do this please? Not with mental health stuff? I specifically requested to stop seeing this ad, which has been haunting my OCD brain for like 3+ years, I marked it "Inappropriate". Because "Traumatizing" and "Harmful" weren't options.

Very negative tonight. It's also like 33 degrees out, and I'm shivering. Very big temperature drop. I had a good day today, kinda. I'm still super anxious and a bit paranoid. The dream really shook me up and I'm still recovering, it takes a while sometimes. The move is coming up really quick too, and it's hitting me pretty strong. I'm gonna check my Betterhelp real quick to see if my social worker dude wrote me back. I've been out all day with my Mom looking at cool stones and then regrettably going to Walmart which gave both of us a sorta mutual social anxiety attack. So I'm still kinda shaking that one off, forgive the vagueness and distance on some of these topics. I'm still very sensitive.

I am kinda crumbling a bit. I can feel it. Like, the overwhelm is too much. I've been looking for support in holding this pain and these emotions and I haven't really been able to find people to share it who have the room and strength to hold it. I'm just trying to sit down and get someone to hold my 180lb rucksack for a minute so I can rest my legs and back. And I found a chill therapist dude who seems to be meeting me on my level, so that's good. But I'm afraid I might not have the bandwidth at this acute moment to really support more weight. And I may have taken on that role, for more than one person recently - like 4, actually... And... now I kinda have to face a temporary phase where I kinda have to say "no" to people opening up to me and valuing me. It's fucking hard, it's like the only thing I've wanted. But it can get really overwhelming sometimes, I'm a super emotional person who has been in extreme isolation for a long time. I want to be nice and good to people, and giving, and loving. But I give of myself too much sometimes, and I don't often get refilled. It's a pattern. I think that can be relatable for a lot of people. So I guess it's something we all have to pay attention to. I think it's part of self-care.

I'm gonna go read this message he sent me, I'm afraid I might have a freakout if I read therapy stuff while I'm high, but I really should just not let anxiety tell me what to do.

Welp, I freaked out a little bit, but I got matched with a dude that's got a good heart and has clearly heard some shit. And I connect with that. And I'm coming out of reading that... with a warm feeling inside. Of being seen and heard, and understood.

I forgot how bad things got there a few days ago. And I often forget that part of my personality hasn't changed enough. The part where I perpetually forget that I empathically feel other peoples' traumas. And I am very emotionally sensitive, so if they're repressing it even a little bit, I often feel their traumas much more than they do.

But I want to share some good in this post too, because this one was intense as fuck for me. (I'm clearly still feeling a lot of ripples from the past few days, echoing the past few months). Today, I completed my first jewelry piece. I cut a few corners (by my 100% completionist purist standards...), but the end result I am very happy with, and the piece is for me, so I'm not too bothered. The beads are wooden beads I got from Michael's like 3 years ago, I love the colors but they are very cheaply made and lacquered. I showered twice in my new bracelet that has the same beads in it, and the lacquer is completely gone. So... I don't really mind cleaning them up and re-polishing them in the future. Making them even nicer, maybe even paint and wax-seal them. That could be cool. But the necklace is done, and I wore it last night and it has a nice weight to it. The centerpiece - I don't know the real word for it is - is a piece of smoky quartz I hand-picked and tumbled, ornamentally wrapped in copper wire - the beads are off-white and brownish-red. I got a bunch of much nicer hemp cordage so I'm gonna dig into that soon, probably tomorrow. And my hoodie is coming along well! Finished the mandala from last night. And I finished polishing a piece of petrified wood that came with my tumbler, it looks phenomenal!

Icing on the cake... I got 4 new stones. Dude, okay this store was like... the shit. It was a tiny hole-in-the-wall shop, like the whole shop was like the size of my bedroom, maybe a bit bigger. She had a damn workshop with tools and shit behind the counter, it was badass. And it had tons of pieces. Jewelry pieces, earrings, necklaces, polished stones, display pieces, she even had a bin full of beaver wood. Which my mom showed me and I just sorta nodded and smiled because it didn't really set in how cool that was... but it's all wood that was chopped down by beavers. And it's all perfectly cut and shit, I'm just like beaming thinking about it right now. But I was just so damn overwhelmed by so many cool things in one place, I was trying to keep my focus on what I came there for, so I missed the excitement. :( I feel like a party pooper, aww. Oh well, things like that happen all the time. I got a tarot deck that has a lot of really cool black and white ink line art, which - with my background in illustration and interest in the style, like a quarter of my instagram feed are people who use this style - was a perfect match. And the person who wrote the guide for it was much more conversational than the one who wrote the guide for my black deck, which kinda just has lists for different cards, not the actual stories. And this new deck is white themed, which is a really nice contrast to the the pitch black one I currently have. They make a nice pair, I haven't even shuffled it yet, I'll have to give it a go tomorrow.

Then I picked out a few choice stones. I wanted my birthstone - Opal. I didn't see any, I'm guessing it ain't cheap? Idk. But she had Pink Opal and Opalite - which is a synthetic mineral but it's still pretty. And I picked up a Sunstone and Bloodstone while I was at it. So I got some pretty things to add to the collection. But I really wanted hemp cordage and for some reason she didn't have any. She sent us to Walmart.

Walmart fucked up the rest of my day. I wish we didn't go. It was just depressing and sucked. I don't even want to remember it. It was just like... I just came out of this really fucking chill new age rock shop and got dropped into a bargain bin warehouse full of sad and angry people. It just sucked. And I don't even want to talk about it, honestly.

I'm afraid my new home is going to be more Walmart than rock shop. And I'm afraid I'm not going to like it, and that it's gonna freak me out. But I also know that there's way more weird hippy stuff up there than there is where I am now. There may be more people that are not like me, but there are also more people like me. Which is a big upgrade.

I want to take a break from self-work, soul-work. From emotional work. Just for a little. I'm still doing therapy obviously, I just might keep it a bit less deep and existential here, more light-hearted. And just focus on making beautiful things, cool looking things, reverent things. As an artist, I am learning that it is crucially important in my process to make sure I have backup projects for when I get too emotionally overloaded to continue with a very personal project. This journal is a personal art project, and to be honest, I might need to be okay with taking a break from it once and a while if it gets too much, just to make sure I don't burn out. Maybe some days I can do poetry instead? It's stream of consciousness too, but then maybe it'll be a bit more... playful? Instead of like... analytic. It's a thought.

Streaming has been a personal art project, I regularly take breaks from that. YouTube. Music. Writing. Visual art. Dream logging. When I'm burnt out and trying to do some concept piece about like... an art installation that simulates panic attacks like a horror movie does or something... the novelty of it is like "this is genius, and could be so useful for education!" but the emotional side of me is like "I can't fucking be around this all day every day, it hurts, I need to smile!" So a lot of my artwork may look scattered across many genres and mediums, it is. Because I need to walk away sometimes, and have backup projects so I'm not just... like... not an artist for 3 months or something. Like when the installation gets too intense to work on... I can still have something I'm doing to be productive and keep my hands busy, or else I spiral deep into depression and fiction. And I'm passionate about that work too, in a different kind of way, which is ideal.

So... I guess I'm questioning a lot of things in this week leading up to a complete relocation of my life. And trying to really prepare myself emotionally for the massive upheaval in my life. I appreciate the support I get, it means a lot to me. I just need to be careful about taking on too much, and burnout. I need to make plenty of time for recreation. And in my rec time today... I played RLCraft. A really stressful Minecraft Mod. That's just not gonna cut it. I need something chill and fun. I'm sure I'll figure something out. Maybe I need to pick up Session again.

Oh, and as a last note... I'm planning to start carving my own wooden beads now too. I figure I could probably do that pretty much anywhere, hand-carve them, don't really need powertools for them. So I'm hoping to go for a walk tomorrow (later today) and gather some sticks to try this out with, develop a system. Combining hand-polished stone, copper wire-wrapping, hand-carved wooden beads and natural cordage... You've got something special there. And further down the line, I could even look into doing my own cordage and wire, if I really want. Sky's the limit.

Super intense writing for another hugely emotional day. It's been a beautiful sunrise. My lovely cat is beckoning me to sleep.

#diary #journal #online journal #stream of consciousness

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astrobiche · 2 years

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Astro notes 10 🐞

Disclaimer : based on my personal observations so take it w a grain of salt 🌷

Photos not mine, credits to the owner(s). Do not steal my work.

🍒 Aqua mars tend to like mechanics/engineering

🍒 developed aquarius placements are the most empathetic people i know. Their ability to understand how the human mind works and pick up on body language then try their best to make everyone feel comfortable is unmatched. Very high EQ.

🍒 fire sign + water rising culture is assertively voicing your opinion but getting hurt and tearing up when u get backlash

🍒 Fire dominants can have a high metabolism. (Sweat easily and go to the bathroom frequently)

🍒 Aquarius placements/ uranus dominants may feel like they were born "too early". Like they held all these progressive ideologies growing up and felt misunderstood but when they're older they realize the younger generation now possesses them. May get along better with younger people.

🍒 every single person who told me they dont wanna get married or have kids has been an aqua placement 💀 they find it constricting but i noticed having cancer/capricorn help them settle down later in life

🍒 virgo + sag in chart : "im anxious bc i didnt plan how this will go but am i thrilled by the lack of planning? Yea"

🍒 leo risings can be so delicate and thin/ small, some of them remind me of cute cats

🍒 libra and taurus placements can become bffs so fast!!

🍒 Pisces mercury/3h neptune LOVE to talk about belief systems/spirituality like u could just meet them for the first time and theyre talking about how drugs helped them understand the universe and be enlightened and "i wasn't in a good place spiritually" -a 3h neptune native

🍒 A good synastry indicator is having one (or more) of the signs in ur big 3 in their big 3 or signs opposite to urs. Or ur rising sign is right next to theirs : for example : cancer rising and gemini rising/leo rising.

Imo, similar placements can clash so having someone's moon as the other's sun for example is better than having the same sun/moon/rising

🍒 the difference between a sign and a planet in a house is subtle but important, for example :

1h uranus w aquarius in the 6th house : changes initiated by the individual affect the job

Aquarius 1st w uranus in the 6th : changes to the job can affect the individual

🍒 i noticed that a lot of virgo suns (especially masculine presenting ones) give off the same vibe, (ofc this wouldnt apply to everyone its just a pattern i noticed) : skater/chill vibes, like to wear beanies and layered clothes, they love pets so much and especially dogs, "im somewhere else" energy

🍒 12h gemini/mercury natives should be careful when reading about topics they're interested in right before bed, their brain may already be too active so reading may make sleeping a little harder (you should still study tho 🤨 this applies more to reading for fun than studying)

🍒 sometimes, leo venus can NOT tolerate being disrespected in group settings. They may take jokes or teasing too seriously if they're not comfortable with you

🍒 9h jupiter natives can have a beneficial relationship w their in laws or benefit from them financially

#astrology #astro notes #astro observations #astrology observations #astrology notes #astro community

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cherienymphe · 2 years

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Brother May I {IV} (Rafe Cameron x Reader)

WARNINGS: DUB-CON sexual acts, eventual loss of virginity, stepbrother!Rafe, jealous!Rafe, toxic relationship, underage drinking, drug use, corruption, minor side of JJ x reader

➥ banner by @maysdigitalarts | divider by @firefly-graphics

➥ series masterlist

summary: Sarah was the sister he resented, Wheezie was the sister he adored, but even after years in the Cameron household, you still didn’t know how Rafe felt about you.

You stood against the wall with a frown, plastic red cup in hand as you watched the other partygoers around you. You envied them. They seemed like they had no worries in the world, but then again… That could’ve been the drugs. The bass from the music shook the walls, and the amount of people in this house, despite it’s large nature, was enough to give you claustrophobia. You had agreed to come to this party to get your mind off of things, and so far, it was only proving to do the opposite. You stared down into your cup with a grimace.

You could still feel Rafe’s hands on you, his mouth on you, and it was hard to even try and discern how you felt about it. There were certainly times where you thought about sex and guys and couldn’t wait to experience that someday. You’d heard the way some girls talked in high school and college, recounting stories that you could only hope to relate to one day. The thoughts always left you flustered and excited and even a little anxious.

Even now, you could feel heat blooming on your face as you thought about that night. You had never experienced anything like that in your life. It was almost like an out of body experience. The way he’d felt on top of you, his hands on your skin, his tongue inside of you. It was enough to make your breathing shallow, and if this were any other situation, you would’ve told Kie. But this wasn’t some other situation…

The guy who’d made you feel that way was none other than Rafe, and he was your stepbrother. His feelings for you, or whatever it was, was one thing, but acting on them was something else entirely. You recalled that he’d been drunk, and part of you worried that you should be asking yourself if you’d taken advantage of him instead of the other way around. However, his behavior the next morning squashed all of that.

He'd been awake before you, presumably having taken a shower, because when you finally stirred, he’d been entering your room while pulling a shirt onto his still damp frame. Sleep had not addled your brain, and your mind and memories were perfectly clear as he closed the door behind him. He’d leaned against it, and you struggled to find something to say. You had wondered if he even remembered.

“Um…how are you feeling?”

He hadn’t answered right away, blue eyes roaming over your frame, teeth pressing into his bottom lip.

“I should be asking you that, don’t you think?”

You’d looked away, swallowing.

“Rafe-.”

“I can still taste you on my tongue,” he’d breathed, the sound going straight to your stomach, and you’d hurriedly stood.

“Rafe, we can’t… This…”

You had struggled to find the words, to organize your thoughts. You had folded your arms over your chest before dropping them, pressing a hand to your mouth before dropping that too. Eventually you settled on your first choice, frowning at him.

“What is this? What are you doing?”

You continued before he had a chance to answer you.

“Is this…is this fun for you? Messing with me and my head like this? I thought that you would get over whatever game you seem to be playing but now I wonder if I should be seriously concerned. If I should…should tell someone…”

Your eyes slowly lifted to meet his quickly hardening gaze. You swallowed again.

“If I should tell dad-.”

He was on you before you even finished your sentence, one hand against the wall as he caged you there. He looked angry and frustrated and desperate all in one, and you didn’t even know how to feel about that. Oddly enough, despite his angry expression and close proximity, you weren’t afraid of him. At this point, you were more afraid of yourself and what you’d allow yourself to succumb to.

“You don’t… You don’t understand,” he breathed, shaking his head. “You don’t get it.”

“What don’t I get…? That you want to fuck your sister?”

He lightly tapped your cheek, not enough to hurt or even sting, but to get the point across as a warning. You heavily exhaled, and his hand remained there, thumb brushing over the corner of your mouth before grazing your lips. Rafe’s eyes were glued to the action, almost transfixed by it.

“I made you feel good…didn’t I?”

You closed your eyes, and he chuckled, a low and stirring sound.

“That’s not the point,” you had whispered.

“Isn’t it?”

He was closer now, nose brushing yours and lips soon to follow its lead with your own. You felt strands of his hair graze over your forehead, and he sharply inhaled.

“You liked it…”

You opened your eyes and watched as he slowly ran his eyes over you.

“…trust me, I would know.”

You clenched your jaw, face heating up.

“I’ve never had a girl come that hard on my lips before.”

You pushed him away, somehow both disgusted and turned on, but he grabbed your hands, holding them to his chest as he leaned in. His eyes studied yours, and you cringed away from him.

“You want me. Just as much as I want you,” he’d whispered.

“Well, you need to get over that,” you told him, voice firm. “It wasn’t right, and nothing like that can happen again.”

Rafe let you go, a slow smirk crawling onto his lips, and you huffed.

“I’m serious, Rafe.”

You had watched him back up, a thoughtful expression on his face as he tapped his fingers against his mouth. His hand twisted the doorknob, and you started to feel relief until he spoke again.

“We’ll see…”

You hadn’t liked his tone and the look in his eyes then, and you liked it even less now as you relived the memory. You’d hoped that the more alcohol you consumed, the less you would remember of that night in the current environment, but it didn’t seem to be working and that frustrated you. Even worse, you didn’t really care about anyone at this party outside of Sarah, and she was off somewhere with Topper. You’d felt like the ultimate third wheel in the backseat on the way over.

While you certainly recognized a whole bunch of spoiled rich kids you’d only been in class with a little over a year ago, they were no friends of yours. You finished your drink before finding another, quickly nursing that one as you roamed around the house. You started to ask yourself why you were even still here, your intentions clearly not panning out. It was late and dark, and you were slightly drunk, but you had every desire to just walk home. You finished the drink you had, planning to do just that, when you heard a familiar laugh.

Your heart sank to your stomach as Kelce and some other jerks you recognized as Rafe’s friend walked into the house. You were near the foyer, in perfect view of the door to watch Rafe slide in alongside them. You hadn’t known he would be here, hadn’t even anticipated it, and yet you felt like you should’ve. You pursed your lips, turning your head away to look for Sarah. However, it wasn’t fast enough, your eyes quickly catching his gaze before. Pretending as if you hadn’t seen him, you pushed your way past all of the bodies.

You’d been roaming the house for what felt like half an hour, and you still found no sign of Sarah. Even though you figured the upstairs was off limits, you knew that never stopped people before. With Rafe still on your mind, you took the stairs 2 at a time. The hallways and rooms were empty, save for one couple, and you pressed your back to the wall with a huff. You leaned your head against it, briefly closing your eyes before telling yourself ‘fuck it’.

When you opened them, prepared to just leave, you hadn’t expected a tall figure at the other end of the hall. You reaction was immediate, straightening yourself and pushing away from the wall. You felt your heart skip a beat, throat growing thick all of a sudden. Even with the dim practically nonexistent lighting, you knew who it was.

“Where’s Sarah?” he asked.

“I don’t know.”

You both moved at the same time, you to go around him, but his hands shot out to hold your waist. He forced you back further into the hall, and you pressed your hands to his chest. You opened your mouth to say something to him, but he swallowed whatever you were about to say. Rafe’s movements were forceful. His leg pushing between yours, his body pinning you to the wall, his fingers digging into your waist to hold you in place.

That night, you’d been as sober as a saint as you let him kiss you and go down on you. Now… You’d actually lost count of how many drinks were in your system, and that scared you more than anything Rafe was doing. Your head spun, skin on fire from wherever his fingers touched, and every movement of his mouth against yours had your resolve crumbling.

“Rafe,” you hissed against his lips, pushing against his chest.

“I wanna touch you,” he mumbled back.

You felt yourself clenching at his words, recalling the last time he’d touched you. He pulled away before leaning back in, lips dragging along your neck before brushing your ear.

“Let me touch you,” he whispered, his fingers dancing down your frame, toying at the end of your short dress.

Your mouth parted when his fingers grazed you over your underwear, pressing against you and dragging over the fabric. You shuddered against him, legs feeling unsteady. Your lashes fluttered, eyes staring past him and towards the ceiling as he nibbled at the skin of your neck. A soft yet high pitched gasp escaped you when he pushed them aside, skin brushing over skin now.

Rafe kissed you again, and it was almost embarrassing how quickly you moaned. Rafe did too, kissing your lips over and over again. You felt him smirk into the kiss, and you only understood why when he slid one long finger into you. Your hand quickly came up to grab his arm, fingers pressing into it as he added another. You winced a bit, and Rafe pressed his forehead to yours.

“Relax,” he breathed.

It was easier said than done with his fingers massaging the inside of your walls like they were. You arched against him, gasps escaping your lips as you tried to control your breathing. The party was still going on, the music reaching your ears and shaking the walls. Faintly, you took note of Rafe’s other hand grabbing yours and pressing it to his stomach. He slowly pushed it down to cup him through his shorts, and he pressed himself further against you.

Your fingers scraped along the fabric, and he tightened his hold, pushing your hand into the article of clothing. You felt nervous, but the alcohol and music and Rafe��s fingers in you egged you on. You wrapped your hand around him, taking pleasure in how he hissed against your skin. His hand was still on yours, forcing you to move yours up and down over him, slowly and gently but firm.

“Just like that,” he whispered into your skin, curling his fingers into you.

You moaned, thighs shaking around his hand as the heel of his hand repeatedly brushed over your bundle of nerves. All the while, he was guiding you in jerking him off, and you couldn’t deny how wet it made you. You twisted your hand around him as he added a third finger, making you release a loud keening noise as he stretched you out.

He finally let your hand go, letting you do as you pleased with his cock, wrapping his free arm around your waist. His fingers pressed into your back, holding you to him. His fingers were smoothly thrusting into you now, and you could hear his breath hitch when you lightly squeezed him. His head fell to the wall beside you, his own breathing heavy, fingers speeding up within you. Low whimpers left you, stomach and core clenching as you felt that familiar ascent.

“Fuck,” Rafe groaned, the word drawn out as you came around him.

The feel of you clenching on his fingers was apparently enough to send him over the edge, and while you were inexperienced, you weren’t clueless. You could feel him coming all over your hand, Rafe breathing against your skin as his chest heaved. You both fought to catch your breath, and you watched in awe as Rafe pulled his fingers out of you before placing them into his mouth. You blinked as he held eye contact, and with a start, you realized your hand was still in his shorts.

With a grimace, you pulled it out, a frown on your face at the sticky substance that covered it. Rafe took your hand and cleaned it with his shirt, surprising you, and you struggled to meet his eye. The guilt still ate away at you, that this was so wrong, but despite all of that…you just wanted his lips on yours again. Rafe must’ve noticed because when your eyes met his again, there was a thoughtful look in them. He pulled you away from the wall, hand still on your waist as he eyed you.

“Let’s get you home,” he whispered.

The air was different between the two of you as he led you out of the house and did just that, his room empty that night as he watched you fall asleep.

“Hey. Hey!”

You slammed the door behind you, footsteps hurried as you made your way towards the stairs. Rafe wasn’t far behind, the door slamming shut once again as he followed you. You were grateful more than ever that the house was empty. You didn’t know why you expected to get to your room alone, but fate had other plans. Rafe’s hand was painfully tight on your arm as he pulled you to a stop.

“I don’t want to have this same argument again. Let me go, Rafe,” you exhaled.

“It wouldn’t be an argument if you would just-.”

“Kie is my friend! And I know you hate it, but her friends are my friends too,” you told him, glaring at him. “I can’t just ignore them.”

These past week and a half or so had been confusing for you. Rafe had fingered you at a party, and you’d jerked him off. Despite how disgusting it was, you’d enjoyed it, and despite how much you’d told yourself that whatever this was had to stop, it hadn’t.

The first night that he’d slept in your bed since had been peaceful, just the two of you lying beside each other, and for a moment, you could’ve pretended that it was just siblings sharing a bed. Then you’d felt his lips on the back of your neck, pulling you closer, and you had let him. The second night had ended with his tongue inside of you and your hands in his hair again. The third night ended with your legs wrapped around him, grinding against him as he pressed kisses to your throat.

During the day, Rafe was Rafe. He was arrogant and entitled and mean and sometimes high. He was your stepbrother, but at night, when your parents and siblings had long given in to the temptation of sleep, you both gave in to the temptation of each other. Like clockwork, he’d sneak into your room, and you, the unrecognizable person that you were, would be waiting for him. His lips would meet yours, and you’d open your legs for him.

The only moral card you had left was that you hadn’t had sex with him, and for some reason, that didn’t make you feel as better as you thought it would.

But now, you were staring at him in anger as his jealousy once again reared its ugly head. You’d been at The Wreck with Kie. Only Kie at first, but then JJ and John B. and Pope had arrived, and you’d missed them. Rafe and how he felt hadn’t even been on your mind, just wanting to talk to your friends, but then he’d shown up. Some excuse about picking you up leaving his lips, and you didn’t miss the dark glint in his eyes as they landed on JJ. Despite what you actually wanted, you had relented, even if only to prevent another brawl.

“Oh, so you and JJ are just friends now? I saw the way he was holding you that night. I saw how he looked at you at Midsummers-.”

“Yes, we are just friends now thanks to you!”

Rafe swallowed the rest of his words, face relaxing a bit, but he looked no less angry. You blinked away tears, shaking your head.

“What do you want from me, Rafe? It’s not like we’re… We’re not together, and I’m not your girlfriend or anything,” you whispered, folding your arms over your chest.

His nostrils flared, and he looked down his nose at you, sizing you up like he wanted to devour you.

“The way I make you come every night says differently.”

You slapped him, a scoff leaving you. You couldn’t care less about the red handprint on his cheek, angrily looking away.

“Fuck you,” you quietly said.

“Maybe I should,” he lowly started, stepping closer to you.

You looked at him, chest tightening and face falling as he stared you down, nose pressed to yours. His eyes sparkled at the thought, and you fought to hold his gaze.

“Maybe that’s exactly what I need to do in order for you to get it,” he spat.

You flinched before recovering, lifting your chin at him, an eyebrow raised.

“Get what?”

“That you’re mine.”

You wanted to deny it. The feminist and just all around decent human being in you wanted to argue with him. You weren’t anyone’s, especially his, but you knew that wasn’t necessarily true at this point. You’d allowed him to do things to you that no one else ever had the permission to do. Rafe knew how to take you to cloud 9 and make you feel both vulnerable and looked after. You enjoyed the way he touched you, and the way he would send you to sleep with a kiss. Your days were spent anticipating your nights and Rafe’s presence in your bed.

You were his. That was the truth, and you both knew it.

“You’re such an asshole,” you tearfully said.

You hated him in that moment, and despite what you said and what you felt, you knew that you’d be underneath him again in just some hours. And well, you weren’t exactly right about that because hours later, in the cover of the dark, he was underneath you.

Your hands pressed into his chest as his own dug into your waist. The clothing between you did nothing to lessen the pleasure you were feeling as you moved your hips back and forth over him. Rafe’s eyes were on you, and while you tried to keep yours on him per his request, you couldn’t stop them from fluttering closed every once in a while. He held you down onto him as he lifted his hips a bit, forcing you to grind against him, a shaky exhale leaving your lips.

It was amazing really. How much you were shaking and gasping, and he wasn’t even inside of you. Rafe seemed completely in a daze as he watched you, his dirty blond hair kissing his forehead, teeth pressed into his lip. One of his hands snaked its way up your body, brushing along your neck before wrapping itself around it. It wasn’t enough to hurt, not even close, but Rafe applied enough pressed to make you give him your undivided attention. His blue eyes had darkened just a tad, no trace of humor in them.

“If I see you with that Pogue again,” he began, licking his lips. “I’m going to fuck the memory of him out of you.”

He didn’t wait for your reaction or even a response, immediately pulling you down into a kiss.

tags: @xoxabs88xox @harryspet @readermia @opheliadawnwalker3 @buckybarnesplumwhore @nickyl316h @captainchrisstan @sebabestianstan101 @villanellevi @notyourtypicalrose @coconutqueen21 @hurricanerin @trinittyy @hyoyeoniie @mandiiblanche @doozywoozy @melli0112 @zombiexbody @holl2712 @kvzctam @mansaaay @lipstickstainedred @thanatosfic @avengers-goddess @ameliaalvarez06 @kaelibaby @totallynotkaibiased @hanniebee33

#rafe cameron x kook!reader #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron #dark!Rafe Cameron #dark Rafe Cameron #outer banks

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