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jester-lover · 1 year

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A Sunday Kind of Love

Twisted wonderland characters with a girlfriend who wears suits

feat- Trey, Jade, Floyd, Jamil, Rook, Lilia, and silver

cw- fluff, stupid gender roles being destroyed, very flustered boys, insecurity (not from the reader), talks of gender roles/identity, whoever reads this is so cool, reader is so hot and confident (did I mention she’s so hot)

Trey

Mmm domestic baker boy

He is so enamored with your confidence and classy attitude

For the first time in his life, he’s genuinely flustered by the sheer presence of another person

You two tend to both keep Riddle in check, him with his calming attitude, and you with your gentle sternness

The place where he comes from, women are expected to be more subservient, so he likes to think of you like the Queen of Hearts herself, a headstrong woman capable of taking control of her own destiny

Trey loves when you allow him to help you with your outfits, like buttoning up your jacket for you

He was probably a little intimidated by you at first, with your powerful aura and sleek aesthetic, you brought intimidation with you wherever you went

Another thing Trey loves is order and cleanliness, your clean and sublime aesthetic keeps him stable

Househusband material, no explanation needed

“Sweetheart, your lapel needs fixing, do you mind if I get that for you?”

Jade

The both of you have such staunch, serious aesthetics, with such caring, passionate personalities behind them

You value the way you dress and look in a way Jade admires greatly, he knows the value of dressing well to create an image for yourself

Jade understands the trust you can earn from people when they deem you to be elegant and professional

You two revel in the looks of both awe and confusion, hand in hand

No matter if you're wearing the most outlandish colorful suit, he’ll find an accent color to incorporate into his own outfit

It's a small way for him to show people that he’s taken

His air of confidence is often left on his coat hanger, knowing that the both of you have a shared sense of comfort with one another always makes him smile

Jade knows what it feels like to not entirely fit into a societal mold, he himself is a literal fish out of water, and he understands that he needs to support you as a young woman accidentally portaled to an all-boys school

You two find unity and connection in your differences

“Dear, would you like to share a cup of tea after my shift is over?”

Floyd

Floyd enjoys fashion and business-type silhouettes, even if he tends to loosen up his own

Seeing that you are a young woman, and Floyd is (begrudgingly) respectful of your personal space, he’ll always ask before squeezing you

That is until you start squeezing him first

He loves a woman who takes initiative!

Floyd absolutely adores all of your more fancy outfits, especially during galas

He finds those fancy events so boring, until you show up and blow everyone out of the water

Floyd finds it especially funny when irrelevant little guppies try to make fun of your traditionally masculine attire, and you just laugh at them

You two share a similar aloofness towards the opinions of others, and it just brings you closer together

After a while, he is sorta wrapped around your finger, grinning and going pink at every wink you send his way

“Shrimpy’s dressed all fancy, is it just for me?”

Jamil

Jamil tends to prefer more casual clothing for himself, but the allure of you in a full suit is powerful to him

You probably meet at one of Kalim’s parties, where your aura of grace and androgyny catches his attention

If he finds time to talk to you, he’ll be stuttering over himself constantly

Why would a strong, successful young woman like you want him? Why would you settle for second best, when you could have Kalim and by extension everything else?

You did want him though, you appreciated his tough work ethic, and his dreams to better himself beyond his condition

Jamil usually finds dressing or taking care of other people to be tedious, but when it's you, he can’t refuse

He loves helping you style yourself, especially if you let him do your nails to match

Small moments of time shared between the two of you, helping you tie your tie, or do your makeup, keep Jamil going

Another one who’s prime househusband material

“I-I’m not blushing, now would you let me paint your nails in peace?”

Rook

Rook is very curious about you when he sees you, sure, he knows about feminine men, but he has yet to converse with a masculine woman!

Oh but when he does, Rook finds himself startled

He has never met someone with such effortless charisma, such power and dominance in language alone!

Our poor little french boy has a crush almost immediately

He writes you poetry about your beauty, about the gorgeousness of your androgyny and loving spirit, slipping the notes into the shaky mailbox outside Ramshackle

Rook thought he would get away with it long enough to confess, but you were too smart, and figured out it was him, his red face during that conversation was delightful

With Rook as your partner, you often take long walks together, hands placed snugly in your suit pockets

His favorite accessory on you is a pair of cufflinks, which he gets you often as gifts

“Mon ange, you look absolutely brilliant, the two of us will be the talk of the town!”

Lilia

Lilia is often considered to be a feminine individual by strangers, he knows what it's like to break gender norms

You have a certain air of power around you he has never seen on a human, so he often jokingly questions if you are human after all

It's almost impossible to make Lilia blush, the closest you’ve ever gotten was during a dance, when you spun and dipped him

Lilia often goes clothes shopping with you

Especially if you enjoy a more vintage aesthetic of suits, who’d be better to ask then someone who was actually there?

He loves your confidence most of all, Lilia is very comfortable in his skin, so of course he’d want a partner just the same

You know you’re hot, he knows he’s hot, it's a match made in heaven

“Beastie, your tie is shifting, won’t you allow me to tuck it in for you?”

Silver

The moment you walk through the portal, Silver has his eyes on you

You love flustering him, he’s such a sheltered person after all

Pulling him in by his collar to kiss him, wrapping your arms around his shoulder in pictures, and so much more

Silver is enamored by the way you dress, it feels so mysterious and yet so open and kind

Besides teasing your poor little boyfriend, you also love being affectionate towards him, like slipping your blazer over his sleeping form whenever he falls asleep in inconvenient places

He saw you then, with your blazer off and your vest slightly unbuttoned, and he knew he saw beauty in its purest form

Silver may be shyer when it comes to romance, but you’re naturally dominant nature helps him push himself forward with you

Everytime he buys you a bouquet of flowers, he makes sure to tuck one into the pocket of your suit, so you can keep a bit of his love with you at all times

“I saw these black petunias, and they reminded me of you, I hope whenever you look at them you think of me too.”

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x female reader #twst x reader #twisted wonderland x reader #trey clover #trey clover x reader #floyd leech x reader #floyd leech #jade leech x reader #jade leech #jamil viper #jamil viper x reader #rook hunt #rook hunt x reader #lilia vanrouge #lilia vanrouge x reader #silver x reader #twst silver

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blueberry-pride · 1 year

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Congrats on all the milestones :D!!! I’d like to request headcanons for how Azul, Jamil, and Idia would handle recovery from their overblot!

After The Storm

Centurion Follower Event Special (March 1-25) warnings: Topics/discussions could be triggering for some, this is a bit angsty but overall bittersweet. Also slight spoiler for Chp. 6 Berry: Thank you so muuuch! This was a very different request from the others so it was pretty fun thinking and writing for this. What helped me what listening to the song Just A Man from Epic The Musical (I've seen so many TWST vids on Tiktok about it so hehe)

Tbh, what should happen or be shown in-game is that all of these bois have some serious therapy. At the very least have an intimate/serious convo with people they're comfortable sharing to cuz there is a LOT of baggage

I see Azul as the type to perfect and focus more on recovering himself quickly and/or 'perfectly' if you will. Trying to show everyone that he knows the actions of his consequences and is willing to take the steps to better himself. HOWEVER. He forgets or rather avoids certain things

I see that there would be days or even weeks where Azul would avoid any mirror or reflection up until he accidentally checked on himself to fix his uniform. Brief flashbacks of both his past and memories during his rampage would come rushing in.

In all honesty, I see Azul swiftly excusing himself from the Mostro lounge just to cry or to huddle himself in the corner of his room and contemplate about it. Telling himself to get better quick or his other plans would hinder.

In the coming days, he DOES get better, became more generous, more kinder and overall much more open to things that go about his day. However, there will always be a small hiccup within the day where he couldn't stand the man he saw in the mirror or how constricting his pants feel or even how his notes don't look right.

He'd probably have mountains of books, tabs on his laptop about getting self-help or psychology 101 to fix this issue. But in all honesty, Azul would probably give in and talk maybe to Jade or even Idia through bits and pieces. They might not be the best choice at the matter but he values their thoughts when he needs it the most <3

Jamil's recovery would be the hardest in my opinion. Jamil is rather complex and difficult to really dissect. He'd get back up and go to work. He's the stubborn fool that would busy himself, making it up to everyone by doing more tasks, more chores to prove that he's reliable.

Jamil would be the type to ignore the whispers and side glances at him as he walks by the halls and his dorm. It wouldn't really get to him as like what I've said before, it would drive him to work even more, avoiding to really take care and acknowledge that part of him that needs rest

The only way I could see him getting some semblance of peace is at night. Late at night where everyone is fast asleep, tucked a way in his room either in his dorm outfit or in his sleepwear. He'd close his eyes as he listens to his playlist and let music calm the million thoughts running though his mind everyday.

Jamil keeps his recovery to himself, behind closed doors. He doesn't want anyone ESPECIALLY Kalim to worry about him. He wants to resolve this thing through his own terms because then at least, he's in control of this one thing. Everything and everyone gives him order or they control him.

He doesn't mean to push people away because of this. He just wanted freedom. He wanted something that's entirely HIM. Maybe later on after the events of chp 5 and 6, he'd warm up to the idea of talking about his true feelings to Kalim and eventually to other people.

It's becoming a pattern with all of the other people who overblotted that they most often than not, just brush things off like they didn't just traumatized half of the school. Idia probably being the most infuriating one cuz he's the most stubborn ones out of the bunch.

Idia would handle his recovery by also busying himself similar to Jamil. The only difference is that I'd see him just playing games as a distraction to avoid thinking about it and understanding the weight of what he just went through. He shuts himself down already so in a way to cope with that is by distracting himself with pretty graphics and intense gameplay.

Though he can't really escape it, he'd play a game and his memories would be triggered all because there'd be a fight/cutscene similar to what happened in the Isle of Lamentation. He'd freeze and lose the match all while the eyebags underneath his eyes becoming all too heavy for him.

This would probably happen in the early days after the whole thing, he'd get frustrated, get easily worked up as he tries even more distractions. I also see him late in the night, staring up at the ceiling, not really sleeping but not really awake to do anything either.

One way I could see this ending a good note is that he'd ask Ortho for ideas on how to combat this within himself as well as to heal his bond with his brother. Since they have their shared love for games and tech, I'd want to see the both of them create a small therapy simulation AI. In a way they could still treat it as any other game and at the same time, the two of them get the help they need and deserve.

#twisted wonderland #disney twisted wonderland #twst #disney twst #twstファンアート #twst edit #twst wonderland #twst headcanons #twst azul #twst jamil viper #twst idia #azul ashengrotto #jamil viper #idia shroud #twst x reader #twst scenarios

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drowning-inmysleep · 9 months

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love me while I leave. my persona yours to keep

“Maybe someday your 'maker' will come…haul you away, take you apart, and announce the recall of a defective product. What if all that's left of the 'real you' is just a couple of lonely brain cells, huh?”

[edit: 9.26.23] this has since been edited and updated a month post initial release, edits will be notated in red, feel free to skip them to read the original writing. [/] August 20th, 2023 I played my last show in a town (Austin, Texas) I moved to to be with my at the time girlfriend. We're separating now, as I'm returning home (Saint Louis, Missouri), the place I left behind. During my stay in Texas I had a hard time making friends, though that's not to say they weren't readily available. I intentionally avoided making them, partially because I was afraid of leaving them behind if anything were to change and call me back home. I have a crew of friends (Materia) in Saint Louis - the best I've ever had. When I moved, I wanted to take a leap and leave the place I'd spent my entire life, and try to fix my relationship by moving closer to them.

Leaving behind those who loved me so much was something that affected me in a way I wouldn't understand until much later. Saint Louis is one of the top rated most violent cities in the United States. Growing up there I normalized a lot of the things I saw and a lot of the trauma I gained from being in that environment. It's shaped me as a person, both good and bad. I got good at existing there, as I spent most of my teenage years in the inner city going to DIY shows.

Most of the shows were Emo / Screamo revival, and eventually that's where I started as a musician. I think Emo / Screamo music is so prevalent in the Midwest because the Midwest is a comfortable but at times very bleak and sad landscape. In the city you can see someone get murdered in front of you, and in the plains farmer's kill themselves because the world moved on without them. The veracity and unrelenting emotional outpour of these genres is some sort of ancestral representation of growing up somewhere like that. Paired with the ignorant approach to song writing / sound engineering, it represents the lack of educational opportunities whether it be due to generational financial issues or dismal public schools, paired with familial trauma from living here. It's pure.

I always dreamed of being a musician as a child, if anything it's the only dream I ever had. Once I started working on my solo project, I was having a hard time being booked in Saint Louis since there wasn't a scene for the music I made. So - I decided to make one for myself. That's how Materia came to be. I wanted to bring as many different people together as possible, so we formed the crew in a way that each member represented a different aspect of the Saint Louis music / night life community. Our first shows were in peoples basements, or shitty bars in the bad parts of town. Just like the DIY shows I started out in when I was 19. Over time Materia got big enough to where I finally became recognized as my solo project in my own city, but by the time it took hold I fear I was too jaded to appreciate it. Before Materia, I had been playing shows all over the country, and was recognized globally for what I made and what I was involved in. Even with that being said, playing shows out in places like LA and NYC revealed a dark reality to the dream I had. That reality being that even if you do blow up, the lifestyle of being a internationally recognized musician doesn't create a long-term sustainable lifestyle. What it can / inevitably will create, is a perception of you others hold based on your art and performance of it. At first it felt really cool to have people think I'm a celebrity of sorts, that I am the dark persona I portray in my music. Over time it felt less and less genuine, that being others opinions of me. As I got bigger I built up a slow poison of being paranoid people only saw me for my plays on soundcloud, follower count, or pre packaged brand I created for myself. Eventually that paranoia showed itself as not just being paranoia, it was partially true. A lot of the music and art I make is representative of the difficulty I've endured mentally. I spent most of my childhood/teen years disassociating and hiding away in MMORPGs. I felt more able to genuinely express myself in these digital worlds. In the real world I was being made fun of for looking like a girl, and being forced to fight others to just be left alone. I had to survive, and eventually I started fighting myself. I tried to kill myself multiple times.

These experiences alienated me in a way that my friends that did experience my breakdowns eventually distanced themselves from me, and I don't blame them for it. It's a lonely feeling. I try to replicate that in music, both that feeling of yearning for lost times / feelings of comfort felt in a video game, while knowing that those times are gone and they weren't that good of escape to begin with and - the feeling of knowing the damage you've caused. I can't listen to a lot of the music I've made in the past because it hurts too much, it's like reading a suicide note from a failed attempt. Jumping back to me now, a 28 year old DnB / Trance musician, I am pretty consistently swarmed with people praising and celebrating me. On one hand I really appreciate it, on the other it is the actualization of the paranoia mentioned above. My fans enjoy my music because what they earn from it, they have no idea what I was going through when I made it. I've been told I've helped people going through similar things that I went through as a teenager, and I love that. Last night at my final show in Texas, a genuine fan of mine expressed that I was a good example for them to follow as a trans woman. This is the case in which that paranoia I mentioned is not true.

As I had a hard time making friends in Texas, I also had a hard time getting booked or respected for who I am as an artist. Even though I'm arguably one of the biggest contemporary electronic artists in this city, a city in which there's so many shows it's oversaturated, I was hardly ever booked. This is similarly due to why I did not have friends, as I didn't want to have to put the work in again. I felt like I didn't need to, and that's my fault.

The show we threw last night in Texas was with my crew of people gathered semi randomly through hilariously unplanned circumstances. This crew is called Unreal.

Two months ago, someone on instagram hit me up and told me they had a generator, asked if I wanted to do a show. Through my jaded eyes I almost laughed at the idea, like sure, lets try and throw a show in 2 days. That person became one of my best friends almost immediately. It's like we were meant to of always known eachother. [edit.9.26.23] This friend has gone on to completely isolate themselves from me along with my ex, as they started to hangout only two days after I left. I guess that paranoia mentioned above bleeds into more than just fans right? These are two more people that proved to me they loved me for the caricature presented in my music more than the person I am in real life.

I will do my best to not let this further validate my paranoia of getting close with anyone who know me only as Manapool. [/] I grabbed a friend from a failed show in Texas, my girlfriend and lastly another who arguably was the only friend I had during the almost year I lived here. The first show was a success and we decided to do it again when my girlfriend returned from her trip to Europe. Last night was that show. I'd been working on a album that represented the dark place I'd been in for the past few months, mainly stemming from preparing to leave my partner. This project is called Mana no Uta, or The Song of Mana. While a genuine portrayal of the dark place I'd been in, it was also my attempt of taking a semi ironic genre (Nightcore) and making it painfully authentic. Nightcore is a genre that mainly takes pop songs and speeds them up, with the lyrics usually being romantic or broken hearted in subject manner.

Every now and then I come across a Nightcore version of a song that hits in a much more graphic way than it's origin. I have attempted to bottle that lightning into six songs, pushing their Maker to their nightmarish limit. In a way this circles back to my taste for being punishingly nostalgic. To me, real art not only moves you but haunts you. [edit: 9.26.23] While I genuinely loved my partner, this year I had spent living with them ended up doing an immense amount of psychological damage. I'm doing my best not to write about her in a negative light, but I consistently felt neglected. I wanted things to work, all in all that's why I sacrificed the life I had in Saint Louis in the first place. That feeling of neglection and failure to recognize the effort and love I'd given led to deep rooted feelings of resentment. Eventually this resentment bled into my perception of self, and in a way it poisoned me. I felt guilty for being unable to rid myself of these, regardless, I was constantly in a state of accepted defeat paired with anger at myself for leaving Saint Louis behind just to end up unhappy.

These feelings are what I wanted to represent in this album. Isolation paired with wishing you could salvage the love you have for someone while knowing it's already too deep.

It's part of you. I often felt sick. [/] I wanted people to feel sick listening to it, like you're at the club and you took too much ketamine but you can't go home. Or you're about to play a set but in a fight with your girlfriend. Everyone around you is having so much fun but you're not and you won't. Both the ketamine example and the ladder are things I've experienced in achieving the dream mentioned above. I don't want people to relate to this album. I want it to hurt them. Last night, I played the album in it's entirety as a parting gift to fans like the ones that said such sweet things to me last night. Me and my (now) ex-girlfriend got into a fight on the way to the show. It went over very well, and by the time the live performance phase of my set (Mana No Uta) was over, I began to cry as I transitioned into djing for the last portion of my set. I finished the set and tried to escape to go clear my head. On the way out someone gave me ketamine, I took some and went outside to be alone and get myself together after performing my most emotional piece yet. I wasn't really able to decompress, I kept thinking about how I'd be moving away from here and leaving everyone behind. As this is happening, I'm getting swarmed by people telling me they loved my set, complimenting me, celebrating me. I appreciated it but I wanted to be left alone. Performing that album felt like a instance of public self harm. I was literally going through what I wanted the album to represent. I was the character I created in the screenplay I wrote.

As the night ended the sadness I felt for leaving these new friends and my girlfriend overtook me. It scared me. I'm scared right now. But the worst part is it felt familiar. It felt exactly like leaving Saint Louis. These people will never leave my life permanently, but i'm leaving them behind. [edit: 9.26.23] I will most likely never engage with my ex-partner nor the friend mentioned in the last edit ever again. [/] To reiterate, as I'm realizing this and being consumed by it (at the show) people are coming up to me celebrating me. They're telling me how cool I looked. Telling me how amazing my set was. Telling me how much they love the character I play. I had just played the one of the most genuine sets of my life, and still at the end of it I didn't feel like they understood. My emotion was on my face, my true persona on my sleeve. My eyes were red from crying, my hands were shaking from amphetamines. Still I'm seen as the persona I sold them. Once you release your art to the world, it is no longer yours. The experiences people have listening to it are something I'll never fully understand, as they will never understand me. If they actually knew me, would they still be so impressed with what I've done? Who I've become? [edit: 9.26.23] Looking back on this writing and the album now that's it's finished, and now that i'm no longer in the heart of it's conceptual storm - I can truly say I am proud of what I made. I am most proud of being able to create something that had the emotional relevance that it could even put me in a situation mentioned at the end. In a way creating such a dark piece punished me and I will always love this album for that. I spent a lot of energy on making something that'd make the listener uncomfortable, and being the person to perform it made me just as uncomfortable. That's pure.With all that being said I don't feel as if I won't be able to listen to or play these songs out post release, as while it was based on the miasma I was in, I also wanted to make some dark club friendly Nightcore for the girls to grind to. Without:Me is my favorite song I've made in a very long time. I made it in one sitting on Umami's computer the day of Materia XX. The final song will most likely be the most difficult to revisit, however. I finished the song and then two hours later broke up with my girlfriend. It's titled: In Goodbye. [/]

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bookishblogging · 2 years

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Homophobia and Overcompensating (tw: mentions of homophobia)

Something I have noticed as I’ve gotten older is I have become jaded to the world around me in regards to my sexuality- and ultimately anything political (not that sexual preference is a political issue but they run along the same spheres). This is going to be a long post but I promise I come full circle and I’m not just ranting but please don’t feel obliged to read

I’m not sure if jaded is the correct word, perhaps: indifferent, tolerant, dare I say accepting? I have grown up in the South my entire life, have known I was lgbt since early middle school (honestly I was even like that when I was younger, I constantly said I never wanted to get married because I never wanted to be with a man, and would wish I could marry the woman instead) and eventually deduced I was a lesbian my freshmen year of high school. I have had a very very very long uphill battle with accepting my queerness. I grew up Christian as well, so I constantly had people around me condemning my ‘biggest dirty sin.’ I lived in terror every day, and am ever so thankful my entire family has supported me after I came out a few weeks ago (well beyond my days as a freshmen in high school). I would beg to god to change me, to fix me, tried dating men and put myself in very dangerous situations with those men to try and change who I was at my core. Even after i had allegedly “came to terms” with my sexuality when I was Christian, I was constantly having to justify the validity of my existence to not only other Christians, to myself. I would read the Bible and annotate the fuck out of it, searching for answers as to why the very people who shared my loving and beautiful faith were also using it as kindling in the pyre of their hate. I was driven to insanity, page after page, question after question never fully answered. My shelf of doubts was overcrowded and about to collapse under the weight of my finite mind trying to grasp the infinite nature of divinity. This eventually led to the deconstruction of my Christianity and much much later adoption of Hellenic polytheism. It has been a rough road but I’m thankful for the lessons I have been taught in magnanimity. I’m going to shift gears a bit but I will bring back up this point later in this post.

Ever since middle school, I’ve been very involved in politics and downright volatile to anyone who had different beliefs than I did. While a large portion of people were the same way, that wasn’t an excuse for my aggression and lack of a filter. In my age group, I was constantly met with others who shared my unbridled passion for debating politics with whomever crosses my path. This went both ways, with people who agreed and disagreed with my opinions; and I would start arguments and be so hateful in my remarks. We would essentially be in a pissing match until one of us got too tired and conceded, but god forbid you were the one to give in. I got some sort of adrenalin rush from these political spheres, and both adults and adolescents alike were drunk on civil unrest. I carried this toxic view into my high school years and legitimately thought less of those who had different political beliefs than I did.

Now here is the full circle moment I’m sure you’ve been just absolutely dying on the end of your seat to hear. I now can look back and understand I did this to try and both validate and defend myself and my sexuality from scrutiny- especially because I was already doing that myself. Ultimately, I was so hard on myself and did and said so many horrible things to myself in regards to my sexuality in an effort so that nobody else could cause as much pain as I caused myself. It was a defense mechanism, albeit a shitty one. And not at all an excuse for my political extremism. But as I’ve grown older and came to my above realization, I realized I don’t find enjoyment in political discourse anymore, I don’t feel this need to argue with every living soul that walks the face of the earth. Be it maturity or my acceptance of my sexuality, I have really become averse to trying to argue my sexuality. The validity of my existence isn’t something up for argument. All I did was feed into the homophobia and give them what they wanted: a reaction. I used to seek out homophobic people and go off on them, but now I can respectfully exist among them because I have risen above the absolute insanity that it was to argue about my right to exist as a lesbian. I was searching for their validity and their acceptance even though deep down I knew I wouldn’t get it. And I know this isn’t a problem with just me, it’s a problem within the LGBTQ+ community as a whole. A lot of people within our community talk about certain members of the LGBTQ+ community (more often than not the trans community) as if they are “dampening the image of the community as a whole” or “making us look stupid”. While those statements are problematic on the surface level because you should never shame someone on their sexual or gender identity, much less if you are APART of the community you’re shaming. This comes from a need to get validation from non-lgbtq+ people and set yourself apart from the crowd as to not be grouped in when they belittle queer folk. But this doesn’t separate you from the group, it pushes you more deeply into the hands of hate. Not only are you inviting others to mock your community because you yourself are mocking it, but you are tearing down a quintessential part of yourself that you cannot change whether you like it or not.

All of that to say, i will never argue about the validity of me being my true, authentic self to anyone ever again. I have been brought some of the most peace I have ever know by coming to terms with the fact that homophobic people exist and are bound to cross my path every now and again. It has been a very very long journey, and a lot of backwards steps, but this peace is something I have never known before and it’s liberating. It’s hard to start just not giving homophobia the time of day, it hurts at first, but then you get better and learn to reach out to your support system. You learn that life is more than the four walls of your childhood home and the streets you’ve known since you were little were nothing more than a few names and places. You begin to realize that your life truly begins when you are able to fully let yourself be authentically and truthfully real. Life isn’t what you know, it’s what you don’t know, and there is so much beauty in the unknown if you let yourself follow it.

#lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtq community #lesbian #homophobia #lgbt support #lgbtq positivity #lgbtq+#deconstructing christianity #deconstructivism #how to deal with homophobia #lgbt rights

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tiramisu-su · 2 years

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They say you have to lose yourself to find yourself...

I lost myself. I'm not entirely sure of who I really was to begin with, all I know is that I lost myself somewhere along the way. My humour turned into hyper sensitivity, being easily offended and abrupt. My levels of stress lead to breaking down over the most minute and unimportant/easily fixed situations. My personality was shot, its like I didn't have one anymore. I lost my sassy, yet fun and respectful self. The girl who was witty, spunky and full of life was no more. I was just a shell of a person, going about my day to day life. I remember first thinking about suicide. Prior to that, I had never understood it. I always wondered "How could someone hate life, such a beautiful and joyous thing, so much that they don't want to be here anymore?" I just couldn't comprehend how someone could be so sad, so lonely, so confused. I had always had sympathy for those who were so sad, I just wanted to make them feel better, but I didn't truly understand that is, until I experienced it myself. What was sympathy, had turned to empathy and completely changed my outlook on life. I remember my father saying "People think they're depressed? They don't know what true depression is like. If they want to kill themselves they should just do it." I remember how jarring that was to hear him say that. How uncaring and cold he sounded. It shocked me to hear someone have such an awful opinion on a sensitive topic.

I rarely agreed with what my father ever said. I remember early on there was a point where I just knew he was wrong about things so I never trusted his opinion and just stopped listening to his rants altogether. I know he had been through some very difficult times, but I don't think he was ever justified in minimizing others experiences- especially when he doesn't know anything about other people's lives, but that's just it. He doesn't care.

One thing about myself that I've always admired is my caring nature. It has taken me a long time to be able to even say that about myself. For reference, I am 25- turning 26 in August. All of my life I have only said things to put myself down. I didn't think there were any redeeming qualities about myself, but here we are. I am now able to say one positive thing about myself, to myself. At times, I feel like I have been "burnt-out" or "jaded". I felt I was mistreated for who I was- and that's partly true, but I'm recognizing that a lot of it is how I've perceived certain situations or reactions from others. For example, at a recent job I had, I worked my ass off. Sometimes to do the bare minimum was difficult enough to do due to lack of resources, training and assistance, however I believe I tried my best every day I stepped foot onto that floor. I was treated pretty badly by coworkers and I felt unappreciated. This was during the peak of the pandemic and that is the first time I began to feel really bad about myself and about others. I felt like if people thought I didn't deserve compassion or respect, why should I be giving that to them? I was in a battle with myself. For so long I have always lived by "Be kind to others, regardless of how they treat you. Those who treat you badly are sad with themselves. No happy person is disrespectful to others." However, this way of thinking was running thin at one of the worst times in my life. I developed a different mentality of "I don't care anymore. If someone is rude to me, I'm going to match their energy." We all know fighting fire with fire is no way to progress anywhere, however, I felt like if someone wanted to snap at me and insult me when I had done nothing to them, they didn't deserve kindness themselves. I worked in a toxic, miserable environment and It seemed as though the bitterness of others was rubbing off on me.

I don't remember ever being outright rude to others, however, I did remember how they treated me, and I didn't forget it. I thought about it with every interaction we had. I continued to try to be kind, a lot of that being me avoiding conflict and attempting to people-please, however, I found I was starting to hold grudges on people, and was complaining to my family/significant other about these people. I also was becoming snappy and annoyed with others who were overtly unkind. I wasn't addressing anything but I also felt like "Why should I have to explain to an adult that they should be nice?" The fact of the matter is, a lot of people don't realize that they are being rude and that is not the intention of many people. A lot of it also has to do with your perception/interpretation and reaction to something. Maybe you're finding what they're saying to be rude but it really isn't. You have to check yourself in these situations because you are not a special, delicate being that is free from criticism. People are allowed to, and should be calling you out if it's deserved. This can be and should be done in a kind way of course, but it's up to you not to be defensive and rude. Meet people where they are at, but also kill them with kindness. Also, if you feel like someone is mistreating you, SPEAK UP. Tell them and address it with them. If they aren't receptive to that, then you have to do what you need to do to stop that behaviour, whether it be putting your foot down, or speaking to someone higher up.

On the flip side, some people are ill-intentioned and are purposefully trying to be rude, but again, that is a fault within themselves. For example, a coworker of mine harshly criticized the appearance of another coworker on a lunch break. She brought it up so casually as well, as if saying things like this were just second nature to her. The comment she made was very nasty- flat out calling another woman "ugly" and saying she looked "like a mess" and "really old" and also stating she hoped she doesn't look as bad as them for being the same age. She wasn't talking to me, but I didn't say anything and I really regret that. I sat there, shocked at what I was hearing. I was in disbelief that someone could so openly share such a horrible thought with 4 of her peers in the room. It was truly disgusting. I said nothing and I'm ashamed. A couple people laughed, myself and another sat quietly. That would have been a great opportunity to step up and say "You know what? That was really unkind and unnecessary." However, its truly hard to find that courage in that scenario, especially when you least expect it. I'm going to work on that. I know, I know, people do worse things than calling other people ugly but it starts with that. Making such a stupid and horrible comment about someone is only done to make you feel better about yourself and its honestly shameful. There's no need for it. Its not cute, funny or quirky. You're just a mean person.

It took me some time to come around full circle, however, I do believe that those who mistreat others are doing that from a place of hurt. They are projecting their insecurities, jealousy, anger, sadness, negativity, whatever it may be, onto others because misery loves company.

I empathize with those people as well. I'm not perfect. There were times in my life I have projected and been mean to others. I feel like most if not all people have done this at some point in their lives. What's important is that you come to realize this is unhealthy and problematic and you ADDRESS it. You work on it. This is not the fault of other people. It's a fault within YOU. Making harsh comments on someones appearance or being overly critical about how someone is performing is NOT constructive criticism. To add, even if it wouldn't offend you, doesn't mean that another person won't be offended. HOWEVER, don't give people the power to hurt you. You choose how you react and combat certain situations. It's extremely difficult, and something that needs continuous practice, but it is possible. I am ranting at this point but again, it feels good to get this out of my system. This is self reflection. This is accountability.

We only go up from here.

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booasaur · 2 years

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I’m not sure if you’ve answered this before, but in case you haven’t, what are your top 10 characters? I’ve always had the same couple of character in mind but working remotely for the last few years made me watch a lot of current and past tv and I’ve changed my opinion a lot. Some characters that I thought were amazing when I was younger are really underwritten or bland, or just not what I thought at all lol. It’s nice to have a better perspective but it also made me stop rewatching because I want to keep some old favourites still!

Lol, anon, the wrench you've thrown into my night! I might have been asked this before, but I don’t think I’ve ever answered, it's always been so difficult to pick and rank, but for some reason, I decided to give it a try tonight.

Oddly enough, I don't really think I've experienced what you have, but aww, that sucks, to lose faves like that, or to be afraid to lose them. :x Hopefully you’ve been able to add more!

I think the difference for me is that I don't really have individual favorites so much as archetypes? And that's going to show in this longass list of way more than 10 characters.

I decided to do a read more for both length as well as to give myself the option to edit in the future:

So this isn't an official list, I tried to make a list years ago and realized how difficult that would be and decided it'd be better to do archetypes/similar groupings, because there are SO many awesome characters, I can't remember and list every one of them, but archetypes I have a much better handle on.

This is messy because there might be overlap between groups but I spent a while tonight organizing them and sorting into a kind of spectrum so I think this is as good as it gets.

Oh, you may think they should be in different groups, but these are simply why they matter to me:

Boss ass bitches - The characters who're smart and ambitious and wield it well, it's plain fun watching them in charge:

Jessica Pearson Brenda Leigh Johnson Kerry Weaver Baroness Spoor (Crest of the Stars) Siuan Seo-hyun (Mine) Chrisjen Maria Hill (Added 2022-12-22)

Compassionate leaders - These are the leaders who're also of course badass and fun, but what I like about them specifically is the work they've put in to be kind, so it’s not a coincidence several of them are working to fix past mistakes. The rest are just very good at leading in ways that center other people:

Lexa (Kenshin/Xena - This was one of the earliest entries and my effort to try really group whole archetypes into single representative characters, so you can see how that works) Claire Redfield (movies version) Two (Dark Matter) Dutch (Killjoys) Kat Loving (Strange Empire) Warren (Z Nation) Naomi Nagata Janeway Amalia True (Added 2023-02-18) I might put someone like Laura Peterson in this one or the one above

Good-hearted and competent - These are the people I love for BOTH these traits, that their competence and skills are part of their personality, and it serves them in being good:

Seven of Nine Moiraine Kat Edison Donna Clark (HACF) Jessica Fletcher Ginger (Filthy Rich) Drummer Sam Carter Bobbie Draper Ellie Sattler Nakia Trinity Teresa Lisbon (Mentalist) Lafiel (Crest of the Stars) Probably the longest list, I'd put people like Kirsten from Vigil, Fear Street's Deena, Bletchley Circle's Susan, etc here

Incredibly big-hearted - These people may be many things, including extremely competent, but my first love for them is just how much they strive to do the right thing:

Kara Danvers Nausicaa (Ghibli) Raya Sister Julienne (Call the Midwife) Hi-soo (Mine) Jade Tanchingco Khirad (Humsafar) Rory Gilmore James Holden (Added 2021-12-23 - Moved here 2022-03-04) Frodo (Added 2022-03-04) Ava (Added 2022-12-06) Cruz (Special Ops Lioness) (Added 2023-09-03) Mickey Bolitar (Shelter) (Added 2023-09-07) This is where characters like Buffy and CW’s Nancy Drew (or every version, really), etc would also go

A little self-centered or demanding or flighty but ultimately still very lovely:

Glinda Upland Blair Warner Michiru Aaliyah (Special Ops Lioness) (Added 2023-09-03) Where LM Montgomery heroines and Fatin from The Wilds and Bess from CW’s Nancy Drew would go

A lot more self-centered or demanding but I love ‘em:

Rachel Berry Monica Gellar

Veering into straight up bitch territory but usually because of some insecurity or other: April Stevens Paris Gellar Quinn Fabray Katie Fitch Ava (General Hospital)

Neat characters who always win:

Harley Quin (not Harley Quinn, but the possibly only supernatural Agatha Christie detective, the personification of death) Psmith (Favorite of Wodehouse protags)

Doofuses:

Jay Kulina (Kingdom) Jean Ralphio Saperstein Kenneth Parcell Randy (Enlisted)

Misc:

Eve (Killing Eve - No idea where she falls now given her writing) Kurapika (and similar wildcard characters, not leads, too strong, others include Fuji from Prince of Tennis, Yukimura Sanada from Samurai Deeper Kyo, Soujiro from Kenshin, Doc Holliday from Tombstone) Keanu characters

#replies #sent on 20211213 #Anonymous #personal #favorite characters #*nods*#that took forever #should give you a fair amount of insight into me :o #my favorite things

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thesleepykuma · 2 years

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I am in the middle of trying to write a Magical girl raising project fanfiction. I'll spare you any details of the story to avoid getting your hopes up because I'm notorious for starting creative projects and not finishing them, but it lead me to think about some problems with the story that I'd want to fix in a retelling.

As a caveat, I did like the show. It's not as good as Madoka or Utena but it's structured better than Yuki Yuna (Yuki Yuna was unfortunately plauged with some adaptation issues that MGRP lacks) and is miles above a lot of the other trash that is often published in the 'dark magical girl' genre. I also haven't read the light novels but I'm aware of their existence and some of the things that happen in them.

Problem #1: Most of the characters are flat.

This is an unfortunate consequence of the ratio of number of characters to length of source material; the main source material for the anime is a light novel with is quite short and a few short stories that were published later. The vast majority of characters get one main personality trait and a backstory which can range from insightful to vauge to nonexistent. This means that the amount of emotional investment you are able to put into a character before their death is variable and often minimal. This is an unfortunate problem with a lot of death game stories and can be solved by decreasing the number of characters, making the story longer, or both, which allows for more opportunities for character development.

Problem #2: Power balance

In the show, each magical girl has either a magical weapon or a magical power of some kind. Some exceptions to this such as the Peaky angels who in addition to their transformation powers get flight and Cranberry who gets super hearing in addition to her main sound based powers. The powers are not incredibly well balanced, which I'll explain by comparing the powers of a few different characters. Hardgore Alice's power gives her the ability to regerate unless her entire body is destroyed. This makes her nigh invulnerable and if she had paired this ability with any non-magical offensive weapon she would have been a top contender the winner from raw ability alone. Compare this with Magicaloid 44's power of a random futuristic item a day, which is extremely luck based, Sister Nana's ability bless someone to make them stronger which relies on having a living ally to use it on, and Ruler's mind control power which has too many restrictions to make the most of. In my opinion the best death games are balanced so that anyone has a change of winning or at least surviving. Emotional investment in a given character drops when you can accurately predict that they won't last long.

Problem 3# Snow white

Snow white is the main character of the arc. Her Schtick as a stereotypical magical girl is a good contrast to what the story ends up being, but her main problem is that she has little agency in the plot. Her power has an offensive capability that is used in later light novels but she doesn't have the foresight in the first arc to use it, and she spends most of the plot hiding behind other characters or cowering in a corner. She has one moment where she chooses to do something significant towards the end of the show and even then the payoff relies on multiple other characters actions and not on anything that she did. She makes it to the end of the story because of plot armor.

I don't want to be completely unfair to Snow White. The idea that her simple, childish, innocent desire to spend her days spreading kindness and joy to other people was so moving to the other characters that they decided to help her in spite of what the world turned out to be is emotionally poignant in its own way. I think she works best as a foil to Ripple as Ripple slowly softens throughout the story and Snow white becomes more jaded. She just isn't entertaining to watch most of the time, however, and I suspect that's why Magical girl raising project doesn't have as large of a fanbase as other similar shows.

#magical girl raising project #discourse #mahou shoujo ikusei keikaku

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wiisagi-maiingan · 5 years

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Alright.

I was a vegetarian for 7 years, from the September after my 15th birthday to the October after my 22nd. I purposely and knowingly ate meat for the first time in 7 years last Friday.

Now, with that being said.

The vegan, vegetarian, and animal activist communities are BUILT on lies. They’re built on blatant lies, propaganda, misinformation, and faulty studies. A lot of these communities and groups are scarily cult-like, encouraging isolation and discouraging questioning.

Children like me are preyed on at young ages, when we’re most vulnerable and trying to figure out who we are and what we stand for, using scare tactics like slaughterhouse videos (many of which were staged) and edited photos of supposedly “tortured” livestock.

We’re discouraged from doubting or questioning what we’re told, guilted for every rethinking our decision, and encouraged to join incredibly isolated groups of other vegans and vegetarians. A deep sense of guilt and self hate and disgust is instilled in us; logically, I know that there’s nothing wrong with eating meat. But it still terrifies me after years of telling myself I was disgusting for even craving meat.

People who started eating animal products for any reason are viciously attacked, often by former friends from the community.

People with medical issues are told that they didn’t try hard enough and that they just needed to fix their diet.

People with eating disorders are mocked, told that our experiences are wrong because obviously eating disorders should be fixed by being vegan or vegetarian.

People who can’t afford that lifestyle anymore are told that they don’t know their own income and restrictions, that a vegan/vegetarian diet is affordable across the board and that if it isn’t, then they can survive off of things like rice, potatoes, bananas, and nothing else.

People of color and non-white people who miss their cultural foods and food practices are viciously attacked with racist comments about how “tradition isn’t an excuse to be barbaric” and that “cultures that depend on killing animals to stay alive should be left to die”. We’re also compared to other non-white vegans and vegetarians, even attacked by vegans and vegetarians from our own cultures and communities just because our experiences and needs are different.

People who feel isolated by their diet face. . . a lot of scary things tbh. The thing no one ever tells you about being vegan or vegetarian is how isolated it makes you from your friends and family and community. Most of us don’t have family with similar diets, so family events rarely have food that we can eat and it’s usually nothing filling. A lot of non-vegan and vegetarians don’t think to plan get-togethers and events with their friends’ diets in mind. A huge majority of restaurants and community events have no options for vegans and vegetarians. We end up missing out on so much, and when we get upset about it, other people in the community tell us that we’re better off, that our family and friends aren’t worth it, that something without vegan or vegetarian options isn’t worth going to anyway. We’re encouraged to isolate ourselves further from the “disgusting carnists” in our lives.

And people like me, who are just tired, are the worst in the eyes of militants. We’re the ones who could keep being vegetarian or vegan for years, possibly for the rest of our lives, but we just don’t want to anymore, for a variety of reasons. We’re deeply hated for our supposed lack of compassion and selfishness.

And then, when we start eating meat again, our states are taken advantage of! So much information from vegans about eating meat again depends on the idea that the initial reactions are because meat is terrible and evil. Over the last few days, I’ve been feeling nauseous and tired and I’ve been suffering from terrible mood swings and emotional instability. According to information from militants, that’s because meat is unhealthy and evil and I’ve completely lost the ability to process it. In reality, my body just needs time to adjust to a sudden and extreme diet change.

Over the last 7 years, I went from being a militant vegetarian who had plans to be vegan to a militant vegetarian who had decided against veganism to a vegetarian who was becoming more jaded about the propaganda and misinformation to a jaded vegetarian who was just tired of it all. Now I’m not a vegetarian at all and I don’t regret that.

If you’re vegan or vegetarian, do NOT depend on ARA groups for your information and opinions because I promise that when you start to dig into it, the vast majority of that information is going to be proven false. Do your own research and come to your own conclusions.

#long post #shut up hawke #personal #not native

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waxandroses · 3 years

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to foresee a contract

Summary: and if nothing else, he at least had this.

Azul Ashengrotto x Reader

@uwu-dreams ilysm uwu merry christmas 💕

Sky blue eyes scanning the papers on his desk, all of which written with hurried, desperate writing, Azul scoffs, leaning back on his seat with a barely audible grumble. Just as it was last year, this time was no different, the number of people willing to make contracts increasing by at least two times the closer Christmas was in sight.

Oh, Azul would have been delighted, really, had it not been for the context of these contracts.

They weren't… Bad, per se; in fact, it was actually the kindest Azul has seen the students in NRC, and he doesn't quite know what to feel about that. It was a weakness—a grave one, truly—one Azul can use and twist as he wishes, but it also brought forth emotions he'd rather not deal with, especially during this time of the year.

Simply put, though he doesn't want to admit it, Azul didn't want to go through with such selfless contracts.

He… Wasn't the right person to go to, no, not with these kinds of things. For all his skills and effort, this was one of the few things Azul had no clue what to do with. He couldn't exactly just deny all these requests, foolish as they may be to him, the pros simply out-weighed the cons by a landslide.

What to do… What to do...

Should he push through with the contracts? Azul hesitates. He doubts Jade nor Floyd would be suited for such tasks, and all of them were busy enough as is with the influx of students stopping by Mostro Lounge. You'd think a good number of them would opt to go home rather than staying, the dorms—the whole school—practically empty if not for the few that decided to stay and the ghosts that helped run the place.

Azul snaps his eyes open—when had he closed them? He hadn't noticed—when he heard a knock on the door, fixing his ruffled clothes and straightening on his seat.

“Come in,” he says, after a quick clear of his throat.

Hesitantly peeking from the door, your face comes into view, eyes wide with curiosity and lips closed tight in a thin, firm line. Azul stops, needing a moment to take your appearance in, wondering why you were here when it was the holidays and there was—ah, yes, of course. You didn't really have any other place to be in.

“...Is there something you need?” Azul murmurs, saving himself from the embarrassment of his voice cracking. Thankfully, you heard him speak.

“Ah, well—” you stammer, scrambling to find the right words, blood slowly starting to run up your cheeks as a light pink covers your face. “I was just—um. C-cheking in…?”

You winced silently, your excuse sounding foolish, even to your own ears. And by the looks of it, Azul thinks so too.

“It's just—!” you try, only to bite your bottom lip, eyes scanning the room for something, anything, that might help get you out of the landmine you stepped into.

You blink once, twice, thrice, vision zooming in on the papers scattered on Azul's desk. Strange, had Azul always looked so… Tired?

Gulping, you hide further behind the door, the embarrassment from your failed attempt earlier still fresh in your mind.

“Um,” you squeak out, cheeks burning even hotter when Azul raises a brow. “Do you… Need help?”

Silence.

You didn't notice, Azul's face was relaxed, completely neutral, so your eyes never strayed to his hand, Azul gripping his fish bone pen so tight it was a miracle it hadn't snapped.

Are they playing with me? Was Azul's first thought. He couldn't forget the fact that you were part of the people involved that destroyed his previous contracts, especially so after finding out you were the mastermind behind the plan.

Resisting the urge to groan, the frustration building up so fast there was a faint ache in his temple, Azul gestures with a hand for you to come in. He's reminded of a time in this very room, when you and the other first years had dared try and steal a contract, and thought of you stupid then.

And yet you were the same person—the key person—who devised a means of outplaying him, the same person who kept trying to reach out despite his numerous rejections, the same person whose eyes shined with a kind of light not meant for this world, and since then Azul's opinion of you fluctuates each time you showed a different side of yourself to him.

The moment you came close, he grabbed your wrist, pulling you down enough your nose almost touched his. A side of him buried deep within the darkness of his mind delighting in the way your eyes widened with a surprised twinkle, cheeks erupting in red as Azul donned a professional smile.

“Then, I suppose—” he whispers near your ear, and he hoped, much more fervently than he had ever hoped, that you wouldn't notice the way his bottom lip trembled, his heart beating loudly against his chest.

“—that I'll be keeping you to myself for a while.”

You yelp, almost toppling over his desk out of the sheer embarrassment, and Azul chuckles, and keeps the thought silently to himself, that the holidays didn't seem to be so bad this year.

#twst #twisted wonderland #twst writings #twisted wonderland x reader #azul ashengrotto #azul ashengrotto x reader #g/n reader #scattering the petals

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madtomedgar · 3 years

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“madtom are these actual well-sourced character interpretations or are you projecting?” : jiggy addition!

I do not think it is possible to overestimate the long-term effect of getting kicked out of the Nie sect had on Jin Guangyao.

What I essentially think this experience baked into his brain are the following:

1) you position is always unstable. you are always one fuckup away from being homeless

2) nothing positive you have done will ever matter in the face of any single mistake

3) if someone is mad at you about something you did, your life is in imminent danger, and you have to defuse the situation or wind up dead/homeless

And I think he operated by these rules for the rest of his life, unfailingly, never questioned them. they were natural laws like gravity. you drop something it falls. meng yao fucks up he gets destroyed.

and then these were reinforced during his time at nightless city because if wen ruohan DID find out that he was an operative for sunshot, he was toast. 3 is also heavily reinforced by Madam Jin (and his father, at least in cql) beating him/throwing things at him when they are mad.

So he has a complete inability to accept someone being angry at him and not treat it as a life-or-death situation that must be solved immediately. And if he can’t solve it immediately, he emotionally amputates them as a way of preparing himself for their inevitable “go to the jins or wherever, just never come back here.”

My rationale for this other than armchair psychology is that he panics every time anyone is angry around him and starts immediately working incredibly hard to fix it, often to the detriment of the situation. The possible only times he doesn’t do this are

1) at the stairs with Nie Mingjue, where he first does try his usual placating schtick and then tries the truth, which I will argue is a final desperate attempt at making nie mingjue not be mad at him (and therefore hurt him) as well as all the other things it is.

2) returning the jade token/all his interactions with lan xichen in the temple up until lan xichen draws his sword. imo in his mind, when he realized the token no longer worked, it hit the safe emotional buttons as getting kicked out of qinghe, so he comes in already cold and prepared for lan xichen to hate/not care about him anymore (because that’s synonymous with “this person is mad at me” to him, because this has been the case before), and then i think once lan xichen has power to hurt him again (once he gets his cultivation unsealed, which is probably why he was meditating so much but that’s a different post) and, crucially, demonstrates that he might still care and gives jin guangyao a way to, in jin guangyao’s scrambled brain, make lan xichen not be mad at him, he takes it in both hands. he also then flips right back to desperate and the assumption that there is no way to get lan xichen to not let him be killed or taken captive (which is superimposed over his failure to get nie mingjue to not kick him out of qinghe by giving an explanaition, and to get him to not attack him by giving an explaination, and get him to not kick him down the stairs by giving an explaination) and tries to escape using jin ling as a hostage. Which, imo, is just pure panic for him.

(but jiang cheng and lan wangji and wei wuxian are mad at him too in that scene! i hear you cry. yes they are. but they, crucially, do not have power to hurt him when they are being mad, and that matters for how he reacts. he also doesn’t care about them.)

one of the results of this particular set of assumptions about the world is that by the time he’s chief cultivator, he’s playing with an outdated playbook. these were good coping mechanisms before in that they kept him alive, literally. once he’s the most powerful person in the jianghu, they are not working to keep him alive and, in my opinion, become maladaptive. They lend themselves towards catastrophizing every situation, see: everything he does after qin su is given the letter. Because everything is still life-or-death. No mistake on his part or blemish on him will not result in him being attacked/killed/banished/no one loving him ever again. He will never be granted the benefit of any doubt and nothing he says in his own defense will ever matter.

And on the one hand, even as Chief Cultivator and Jin zongzhu and Lianfang-zun, he will be judged more quickly and more harshly, with worse consequences, than any other random member of the gentry. And none of this way of thinking is irrational. It is based on solid evidence. All of these things are things that have actually happened to him. Trauma is incredibly rational.

But it does mean he is evaluating his options at the end as if he were still Meng Yao in a lot of ways, and I think that does fuck him up. Because he does have quite a bit of social capital and power, and while the rest of the gentry are very ready to spin a scandal on him, IF it hadn’t been for the objectively stupid (and even he admits that was a bad move) burial mounds Thing, I do think he could have been fine. Everyone was primed by that experience to listen to Bicao and Sisi with friendly ears. If Bicao and Sisi turned up at Jinlintai or somewhere else to tell their stories a week after Qin Su’s death while Jin Guangyao is in mourning like a good husband, I really don’t think they would be believed. Especially not if, say, Su She or somebody like him was there to chastise them for intruding on grief and saying such horrible things about a dead woman and that are calculated to hurt her poor father, etc. The other person accusing him of stuff is Wei Wuxian, the Jianghu’s most notorious criminal. Nobody believes him except for Lan Wangji, and without further proof I don’t think Lan Xichen is going to accept Wei Wuxian’s word.

I’m not saying that there would have been no consequences at all. It would have given people something to talk about and judge him for and bring up every time they didn’t want to do what he wanted them to. He might have had to give up the position of Chief Cultivator. If he’d tried to remarry his prospects would have been bad. His relationship with Lan Xichen would have been seriously damaged and he would have had to do a lot of work (ie. lying) to fix it. HOWEVER if Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji are still around causing problems on purpose, the rumor mill will move on from him pretty quickly, especially if he stays scandal free. He is currently providing the other sect leaders with significant subsidies, stability, and prosperity. This is very important to them. They like stability and prosperity. It’s why when the Wen were *just* attacking the Lans they just kind of shrugged.

But he can’t see any of that because he’s panicking because he’s about to get kicked out of Qinghe with a chest wound again.

#untamed stuff #shameless jiggy apologism #i am very open to other reads here #including that jgy is 100% accurate in his risk assessment always #this is just the one i like best #for reasons we don't actually need to examine #pay no attention to anything behind the curtain #every day i lose more respect for nie mingjue #of course i don't think nmj was aware #that this is the effect he had on jgy #and i think he'd be mad/offended if he was aware #but #just because you didn't mean to doesn't mean it didn't happen :)

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blackkit10 · 3 years

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Rainbow High Dolls/Shows Ramble pt. 2

As promised here is my list and opinions on both the dolls and characters. I didn't include any dolls that haven't been reviewed/come out yet.

Must have doll faves (not in a particular order):

Bella: When I first saw her doll way before I fell down the rainbow, I just absolutely fell in love with her design. She's the one if I only have one she's it. I like her character on the show. I hope they explain more about her return and show her interaction with her roommates and team members. I think while fans love her, I don't think she's MGA's fave (I'll say who I think it is later).

Georgia: Another, when I saw her doll I thought she was so cute. I like her second outfit the most with her. I loved they gave her a Southern accent and I hope we will see more of her. I think we will because in an Vi Life ep it said she went on a date with Emerald.

Poppy: I love Poppy's first version the best. Her overall aesthetic makes up for the fact that the first wave have shiny faces. I think her cheer look is too plain and the winter break line doesn't wow me. If they make a runway look, I'd want that doll over her og doll especially if the face was matte. I like her character for the most part. I was disappointed that she sided with Violet on the whole viral video thing.

Gabriella: Her design didn't really grab me when I saw her in the background on the show, but as a doll I really like her. I do think she's unnecessarily bitchy, but in a way her icy veneer might melt a little. She's kind like a tsundre character.

Daria: I think her doll is gorgeous and if I get her I want her to wear her second outfit, but maybe not with the heels (though I do think they are gorgeous). We don't know much about her, but I'm liking what I'm seeing. Since she's a singer, I really want to hear her.

Emi: Her face is so beautiful and I love the blends of different purples. I do wish they had put her hair to frame her face more, really utilize the Farah Fawcett hairdo better. It would make her forehead not look as large. Though, that's something a little restyling could fix. I want to see more of her in the show.

Not faves, but wouldn't mind owning them (no order):

Sheryl: I love her Clueless inspired look, but her doll didn't blow me away. If I did get her I would prefer it if she didn't have the dark lip liner. I do think she would look cute standing next to a Bella doll with their similar taste in clothes. I haven't seen enough of her yet in the show. Honestly, the girls should have washed their own clothes and Stella should have made sure to empty out her pockets.

Daphne: When I saw her in the background I got so excited about her possibly being a doll. Then I saw her doll and I wasn't blown. I do like her design, she's just not a must. She seems like she might be an interesting character in the show.

Laurel & Holly: I like their dolls, but they are very expensive as a duo set (RH in general is very expensive and I understand why). They are bitchy, but in a fascinating for onlookers kind of way.

Krystal: I like her, but I'm not loving her. I wish there was more variation in her color palette. I don't have much opinion about her character yet.

Sunny: I like her dolls better than her character. If I got her it would either be her og look or her winter break look. I did like the baby hairs they added in the runway show, but I wasn't in love with her look enough to want a possible doll version. Her personality is one I'm bad with, like she's nice but I could only take in small doses all the overly cutsey perky. I feel like her and Violet went and got bangs together. I also feel that MGA really like blunt bangs because they have at least four characters with them: Sunny, Violet, Ms. Wright, and purple background girl that has Ms. Wright's haircut. I think she needs to call Violet out more on her bs.

Jade: I think her and Bella are really cute together. Honestly, I would want her doll just so I could have Bella and Jade side by side. If I got her it would be as of now her cheerleader version, because I like the brighter lip color on her than the nude. BUT! If they come out with her runway look (or at least with black lipstick), then hands down it'd be that version and I'd move her up to my faves list. I love how she's the sweatpants and t-shirt girl, but her makeup is going to be on point.

Skyler: I like her character and I'm happy they are making her more confident in herself. If her og doll had a matte face, I'd like it better. So, if I got her it might be the cheerleader unless they come out with something better. I don't like her winter break look enough, except for those curls.

Jett Dawson: She's my favorite upperclassmen character. I hope we see more of her. If I got her doll, it'd be on clearance or something. I'd probably keep her in her box because she's got a lot to display and she cost a lot.

Amaya: I feel MGA loves her the most, because she's got the most merchandise and storylines. I wouldn't mind either one or both of her looks. If I got the white version, it'd have to be second hand because I don't care for the hair makeup. Unless, they made her runway look then I'd get that one. I loved her runway makeup on her more than the makeup-less face (don't take this as people look better with makeup) that she has with the white version. I didn't like her white hair in the show at first, but in the runway ep it looked really good. At first I wasn't crazy about the blue in show, but I liked it for her doll look. Now I like it in show and as a doll. I'm glad they didn't make her a complete replacement of Bella by having her dye her hair pink and be in set design. It's best that they went with blue and fashion, because if anyone was going to be the most forgiving of having their feet stepped on (after Sunny) it would be Skyler.

On the fence about or probably won't get

Ruby: I like Ruby as a character and I so badly want to like her dolls. While I love the color red, I just find her looks too intense. I really hope they come out with another alternative look with her in mostly black and a matte face. If I could I'd want her a black biker jacket, black pants, her flame boots, and either a white or black t-shirt. Her outfit would have a flames motif to go with her boots. Despite what Violet may think in her Vi Life, I think don't think Ruby and her are all that close. I think Ruby is closer to Jade and Skyler (mostly Jade).

Violet: I love the color of her hair. Her personality needs work and I hope they keep working on it. Unfortunately, her color palette is a bit boring. I don't love any of her doll versions. Her dress from her og look is my favorite of her clothes. I can take or leave her bangs. Part of me wants her as a doll so as not to exclude her from the rest, but the other part is do I really have to. I think MGA was originally more of a main character than what she is (because she was used a lot for promos and ep 1 starts with her and Sunny), but people find her too unlikable. If the winter break line wasn't so shiny face and I could get her in just the figure skating outfit, then that would be the version I consider of her so far.

Kia: I question her matchmaking skills with her trying to pair up Bella and Colin. First, I was like "gross, she's gay and she's already got Jade." Then, I realized that Kia obviously doesn't know the full story about Colin and Skyler or at least doesn't know that Skyler and Bella are friends. Because no way would someone date their friend's cheating ex. I wish her name wasn't spelled that way, because I keep pronouncing it the same as the car instead of as Ky-ah. I like her doll design, but I just wasn't feeling it in part due to the show and her price tag. I would like to see more of her character.

Karma: Curious about her character. Don't care for her fashion. Love her face and it makes me wish more her color wasn't so intense. I'm not sure, but it seems like her doll is taller or at least thinner than the other doll. Honestly, I'd dress her doll in a white t-shirt and jeans and most likely put her hair in a ponytail. Since she's a cheerleader, I am curious as to what her cheer look would be.

Avery (and the other As): I don't care for the As as a whole. I wouldn't really want Avery's doll in part because I don't care for the As and because I don't want all the stuff that comes with her. Though, her doll does make me wonder if in the show her hair is a wig and she actually has a pixie cut under it. I do like the As better in season 2 than in season 1 (I thought they were very suspicious). I liked that Avery took Bella out for a drive to help her feel better. I thought was funny that Aiden covered Ainsley's mouth during the play so she couldn't say something that obviously wouldn't have been G-rated to Violet. I do think they should make Ainsley and Aiden dolls so that people, who want to, can collect the As. I'd be tempted to have Ainsley or at least her clothes, because I'm really digging her look. I know Aiden is a backup QB, but his doll most definitely shouldn't have abs. He doesn't seem like the guy who works out enough or play sports enough to get abs.

Stella: I don't see myself getting her. Her color palette is really harsh to my eyes. Which is funny to me because I love my 60th anniversary Barbie (the one with the pink hair), who has a similar color palette. I think it's because of all the textures in Stella's wardrobe that makes it too much. If they gave her another color like black or white to balance the hot pink, it might be better. From what we've seen of her I don't care for her personality. I'm glad they had Bella brush her hand away when she tried to see if Bella was wearing a wig. I do think her personality adds spice to the show, but it would take a lot for me to like her.

River: Like his character so far, but not crazy for his doll. The big eyes are just a bit much and cutsey in his doll more so than in the show. From what I've seen MGA is not good at designing male dolls (doll makers in general struggle with this, but they are the worst I've seen). I do think River looks better than male OMG/LOLs and NaNaNa Surprise male dolls. To be honest it's hard to please me with male dolls. I have/had three male dolls (non-action figures and figurines) in my entire life so far. I do like his second doll outfit and can't wait to see it in the show. I do like him and Amaya together. I think they make a cute couple and I like how in awe of her he was during the fashion show.

#rainbow high dolls #rainbow high

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lumoshyperion · 3 years

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Your thoughts on the Cursed Child giving us pure good Slytherins like Scorpius, Albus and Craig? I'm not a Slytherin myself but it's always good to see Hogwarts houses more nuance than a house being purely good or purely evil.

It's one of my favourite things about Cursed Child, honestly? It dismantles a lot of the preconceived notions about Slytherin, and it critiques Harry and his friend’s opinions on them. It takes that scene at the end of the books ("What if I am put in Slytherin?") and expands upon it.

I've already answered a question about Craig, so I'll mostly talk about Albus and Scorpius and their relationship with their house. It's interesting seeing or hearing how each actor responds in the sorting scene. Scorpius varies from annoyed, but not surprised - to happy and relieved, in Nyx's case. But Albus is always shocked. Sean changed her reaction up every time I saw her. Sometimes they were smiling. Still riding on the high of that conversation in the train carriage to Hogwarts - which made the look in their eyes at the sorting hat's decision all the more heartbreaking. And sometimes she was already terrified. Wringing her hands, her eyes darting through the audience as the hat stalls over Albus' house. And then it happens, and they go completely still with shock.

There's a lot of stock put into characters choosing their houses, but I don't think Albus or Scorpius had a choice. Albus didn't ask for Slytherin and, even if he did, how do we know that the hat would have put him there just because he asked and not because it's where he belonged? I think a lot of people used to misinterpret the traits of a Slytherin as purely bad or black and white. Ambition? Cunning? Doing anything to get what they want? Surely these aren't the traits of a good person. Surely no one that has the ability to be kind or selfless would be sorted into Slytherin.

But one of the major bullies of Scorpius and Albus is Polly Chapman, and she's in Gryffindor. Rose, also in Gryffindor, claims that she used to be best friends with Albus, but it's clear from their conversations that she doesn't talk to him anymore and that he doesn't trust her anymore. Even his older brother is a model Gryffindor student, and yet he teases Albus constantly. Something we forget is that these are all teenagers. Scorpius, Albus, and Rose are characters we first meet when they're eleven years old, and their arcs in the play end when they're fourteen. We're all still developing our sense of self at these ages. None of us knew who we were or what we wanted. We acted based on impulse and on years of influence from our parents, our family, our friends - anyone older than us who we believed must have known better.

There's something inherently flawed about putting eleven year old’s into houses that whittle them down to the most basic of traits. Because it's not as simple as that? Hermione could have been a Ravenclaw - she's got the brains for it, and the thirst for learning. But she could have been a Slytherin, too - isn't her ambition one of the first pieces of dialogue about her in the play? Craig could be a Hufflepuff. He's kind and loyal, he's quiet and shy. We see very little ambition from him in the play, although we do know that he's prefect and that he's clever enough to be able to do the Scorpion King's homework as well as his own. I think Craig is a perfect example of houses not defining a student's entire personality. He's the perfect example of how much more complex and nuanced these kids are, beyond what their houses say about them.

With Scorpius and Albus, we have a clearer idea of why they were sorted into Slytherin. We see how well Scorpius does in the other reality, concealing his true feelings and moving from each scene with such clear goals in mind and without ever faltering in his search for answers. There's something he says in the Forbidden Forest to Snape that I think sums my answer up really well - "The world changes and we change with it. I am better off in this world." Because, like it or not, he is popular in this world. He is well liked and respected in this world. He sees that and a part of him enjoys that - he and Albus even discuss it later on in the dormitory, and Scorpius reveals how much braver and stronger he feels for his experiences. But, as he goes on to say, "the world is not better. And I don't want that."

It's about the fact that, while he does enjoy being popular and respected, none of that matters because he still sees how cruel and jaded the Scorpion King is. He sees Craig cowering at the sight of him in the library and he hates it. Of course he fixes the world because he knows it can't go on like this. But he also fixes it because he looks right through the power and strength of his alternate self, and he sees a selfishness and cruelty that he cannot accept. When Sean's Albus would laugh and bring up Polly Chapman fancying Scorpius, Nyx would give the most unimpressed shrug. And then their voice would lower and their expression would darken, as they explained just how awful the Scorpion King was. How none of that popularity or respect mattered, because it concealed an evil that Scorpius hated to have found existed in himself, even in another reality.

And continuing with the theme of that scene in the dormitory, we also hear Albus dismantling his own actions that he's made up until that point. He worries that he only wanted to save Cedric to prove himself. He only put their lives on the line because he wanted to show the world that he isn’t just Harry Potter’s son. That he isn’t just a Slytherin in a family of Gryffindors - that he can be brave and heroic, too. But there are different kinds of bravery. And Albus could have done anything he wanted to remove himself from the shadow of his dad. He’s a clever kid. He’s cunning and resourceful - he’s more of a Slytherin than even Scorpius, who comes from a family of Slytherins. But instead, he overhears a grieving father begging Harry to give him his son back, and he decides to do something about it. He decides to put himself at risk, running away from school and changing time itself to save the life of a complete stranger. Because he sees the love Amos has for Cedric - the kind of love he doesn’t feel from his own dad - and instead of feeling jealous or angry, he... wants to help. He wants to do what his dad cannot and bring an old man his son back. That’s kind. That’s heroic.

“When Amos Diggory asked for the Time-Turner my father denied they even existed. He lied to an old man who just wanted his son back - who just loved his son. And he did it because he didn’t care... because he doesn’t care. Everyone talks about all the brave things Dad did. But he made some mistakes too. Some big mistakes, in fact. I want to set one of those mistakes right. I want us to save Cedric.” - Albus, Act One Scene Three.

“I know what it is to be the spare. Your son didn’t deserve to be killed, Mr Diggory. We can help you get him back.” - Albus, Act One Scene Fourteen.

"Cedric? Your dad loves you.” “What?” “Your dad loves you. Very much. I just thought you should know that.” - Albus and Cedric, Act Three Scene Twenty.

In the final scene, Albus talks about how he wanted Delphi killed for what she did, and he says that maybe this is his “Slytherin side”. Maybe this is what the sorting hat saw in him. Because even after everything, even after all that he experienced and all that he’s seen in both Scorpius and Craig and the other Slytherin students, he’s still held down by the misconceptions about Slytherin. And that’s so unfair? It’s unfair that children have been made to feel like this. Albus is empathetic. Scorpius is kind. Craig is loyal. But they’re put into a box that none of them asked for and that is so hard to wrap your head around at that age. Because you don’t know what you did wrong, but you do know that it must have been something because suddenly everyone treats you differently. So you try to explain it to yourself. You think of everything you’ve ever said or done in a different light. And you wonder if maybe, just maybe, you are what they say you are. And you start to doubt every part of you that’s good or kind or compassionate. And it’s something that Albus struggles with the most in the play. And I’m going to close this ask with some quotes from Draco to Harry, because I think I’ve gone on for too long and because what he said is very relevant.

“You can’t talk to Albus. I can’t talk to Scorpius. That’s what this is about. Not about my son being evil. Because as much as you might take the word of a haughty centaur, you know the power of friendship.”

“My father thought he was protecting me. Most of the time. People say parenting is the hardest job in the world - they’re wrong - growing up is. We all just forget how hard it was. I think you have to make a choice - at a certain point - of the man you want to be. And I tell you at that time you need a parent or a friend. And if you’ve learnt to hate your parent by then and you have no friends... then you’re all alone. And being alone - that’s so hard.”

“Maybe the black cloud Bane saw was Albus’s loneliness. His pain. His hatred. Don’t lose the boy. You’ll regret it. And so will he. Because he needs you and Scorpius.”

ask me questions about year two, year three, and other things!

#Cursed Child #ccsquad #Craig Bowker Jr #Craig Bowker #Albus Potter #Scorpius Malfoy #Ask

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personuhh · 3 years

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I want your input on how you guys think the P4 cast’s futures would shake out! I have a general idea of where I want things to go, but I think having input from everyone is important too. Any characters that I’ve left off (Kanji, the Dojimas, Yukiko, etc) already have pretty solid arcs planned, so don’t worry, I didn’t forget them.

There are a bunch of numbered questions to make it easier to respond to, I’d be happy even if you guys took the time just answering one or two! Thanks for your interest, and hopefully you guys find this an interesting read at the very least lol.

(I’ve grouped all of the questions at the end in case you want to see them all together.)

General Info:

The game is planned to take place in 2015, so everything will take place 3 years after Arena/P4DAN/Golden Epilogue.

Because it’s centered around Inaba, it will only focus on characters still in the town (so Rise, Chie and Naoto will not be playing large roles in the game).

Yosuke:

I’ve mentioned already where I see Yosuke in 2015 (directionless, just finishing college but still working at Junes) but I’ve also been tossing around a few ideas for future careers that I think would work for him. I think him being a mechanic or just generally handy with fixing things would be a good avenue to explore, not just because of his interest in motorcycles, but also because I think it would compliment his arc nicely; for someone who’s so afraid of screwing everything up, I think it would be good for Yosuke to realize that he’s really good at fixing things. it’s not too out of nowhere (he’s a broke college student, I’m sure he’s had to fix a leaky faucet in his apartment or something, and he must have tuned up and fixed his bike after he crashed it), and could be a thing he realizes (with Yu’s help ofc) over the course of his route that he just... never thought of as a legitimate skill before.

I’ve also thought about him joining the Shadow Operatives (Mitsuru’s team of shadow fighting elites, comprised mostly of former SEES members), which is usually my go-to when thinking about what his potential career could be, but in a lot of ways it feels like somewhat of a copout. On top of it glazing over Yosuke’s critical lack of personal identity, it also feeds into the idea that he isn’t anything special without his persona, which doesn’t exactly do much for character growth. I think it’s the most obvious and canon-compliant choice, and one that he would both enjoy and be good at, I worry about what it would mean for his character. Of course, Mitsuru recognizes his skills and would likely take him on no problem, and while I love the idea of Yosuke joining them and living a life full of excitement and badassery, I don’t think he needs to do much soul-searching to arrive at this decision.

So...

#1: What jobs and/or hobbies do you see Yosuke doing that utilizes his skills (either preexisting or ones you believe he could easily develop)? Thoughts on what I’ve said regarding his potential career?

Yu:

Yu has been giving me some pretty big headaches when trying to plot this game. Obviously, as the protagonist, giving him something interesting to do that also ties into the plot is important; which is why I’m leaning so heavily toward him working for the Inaba PD. It would fit with why he chooses to return to Inaba permanently, and would be plausible within the time period, along with obvious connections (Dojima) that could secure him a position within the force. My concern is that the game then becomes either too serious, or too heavily based around Yu as opposed to the rest of the cast. I definitely don’t want it to turn into yet another Inaba mystery, and choosing another profession for Yu would likely keep things a lot more lighthearted (if Yu’s working as an elementary teacher for example, the biggest problems he’s going to face are like, the stubborn kid in his class that won’t stop shoving pencils up his nose, maybe an angry parent, nothing TOO serious that requires a complex solution) and leave more time to focus on whichever route you choose.

HOWEVER, this job also would allow for easy cameos from outside characters (Naoto, Chie, Akihiko and the other Shadow Operatives) all of whom work closely with, or directly for the police. I just worry about it taking over and pulling the focus away from other characters. I don’t want it to be Detective Simulator: Persona 4 Edition, which is why I’ve also been throwing around other alternatives for Yu’s career (the obvious ones being teacher/daycare, and veterinarian) but it needs to be a job easily securable within the 3 year timeframe and a reason for him to move back to Inaba. If he’s still enrolled in college with the promise of a job at the end of it, there would be no reason for him to move and have to commute.

#2: Would you prefer Yu’s job be something more in the background rather than one of the major driving forces of the plot?

#3: Would you prefer Yu’s role be more of a player insert protagonist?

#4: Arena-style internal narration (first person, hearing Yu’s thoughts), or stick to P4′s approach (second person, slightly more objective)?

#5: Any suggestions for what you think would suit Yu as a career?

Naoki:

I’m completely fine having Naoki’s job staying as him just working at (and eventually inheriting) Konishi Liquors, but I think there’s still plenty to explore for his character outside of that. Because his SL focuses on Naoki grieving and Yu leaning not to treat him any differently, it doesn’t account for the rest of Inaba and how they treat Naoki. Small town reputations stick, and even if he’s managed to move past Saki’s death to an extent, everyone still knows him as the other Konishi kid, and I think he would really struggle to deal with that reputation. Even if he’s learned to open up to Yu, Yosuke, and a few of his school friends by the end of his SL, I can see him becoming incredibly jaded and growing tired of Inaba because he can’t manage to escape the public’s pity. I’ve thought about him turning to dangerous, risk-taking behavior and escapism as a result of this, but it’s pretty hard to change an entire town’s opinion of you and your family, and I don’t see where it could go from here other than him essentially running away from it all and giving up.

#6: Any ideas for Naoki’s route or character in general?

#7: Would you be interested in dating him, or would you prefer it either be platonic, or for him to be kept as a supporting cast member?

#8: Are you okay with heavy topics like (underage) alcoholism, or do you believe it would be better to avoid a plot like this?

Daisuke & Kou:

I’m honestly hesitant to include these two in the game at all, as I find it a little hard to believe that they’d stay in Inaba for that long.

#9: Any ideas for potential jobs that would keep them in Inaba?

#10: Would you prefer each of them to have separate routes, or have them grouped together?

#11: Would you be interested in dating them together, separately, or for them to have their route(s) kept platonic and for them be in a relationship with each other?

#12: Any general ideas for their route(s)?

Dates:

Since I have no set time frame for the game, I’m open to including all kinds of seasonal dates, festivals, and events (like Valentines or New Years, for example) and I’ll decide on a time of year based on that.

Aside from shared events between all routes, though, I’d love suggestions for some cute character-specific dates (eg. Yu takes Yosuke to a concert, Kanji and Yu go shopping for yarn, something like that). Please go ahead and be as random and specific as you want, it doesn’t have to be a massive event.

#13: Any general date ideas?

#14: Any character-specific date ideas?

Full question list under the cut:

Question list:

#2: Would you prefer Yu’s job be something more in the background rather than one of the major driving forces of the plot?

#3: Would you prefer Yu’s role be more of a player insert protagonist?

#4: Arena-style internal narration (first person, hearing Yu’s thoughts), or stick to P4′s approach (second person, slightly more objective)?

#5: Any suggestions for what you think would suit Yu as a career?

#6: Any ideas for Naoki’s route or character in general?

#7: Would you be interested in dating Naoki, or would you prefer it either stay platonic, or for him to be kept as a supporting cast member?

#8: Are you okay with heavy topics like (underage) alcoholism, or do you believe it would be better to avoid a plot like this?

#9: Any ideas for potential jobs that would keep Kou & Daisuke in Inaba?

#10: Would you prefer Kou & Daisuke to have separate routes, or have them grouped together?

#11: Would you be interested in dating Kou & Daisuke together, separately, or for them to have their route(s) kept platonic and for them be in a relationship with each other?

#12: Any general ideas for Kou & Daisuke’s route(s)?

#13: Any general date ideas?

#14: Any character-specific date ideas?

#ada's writing #i need a tag for this game....#persona 4 #ada speaks

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bravobeavo · 3 years

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YOU'RE WRITING HIZASHI & HITOSHI ARGUMENT SCENE??!?!?! BIITCH I WANNA SEE IT SO BAD AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA also i think honestly... vignettes for this??? would work rly well??

That’s a good idea; this is what just got word-vomited out of my brain lol sorry for any errors, I really need to sleep so no proof-read~

Hizashi sighed as he turned the broken pocket watch over in his hands, thumb tracing over the flimsy latch. He didn’t need to turn to know there was someone standing in the doorway to the small bedroom, their presence raising the hairs on the back of his neck.

He eyed the slightly rusted gears on the inside of the small piece and bit his lip as he wondered if the pawn shop would even give him some coin for a piece of junk like this.

This was why he hated scores like this - when they came away with bags of items that he had to meticulously pick through.

It was tedious and a waste of time in his opinion, but since Nemuri was staying by Shouta’s side while he recovered, he and Oboro were only able to get away with small heists in their limited numbers.

The silence stretched on for at least a minute as he tossed the pocket watch to the side before a determined voice broke through the air.

“Teach me how to steal cars.”

Ah, he knew that voice. It was Hitoshi, the youngest member of their little ragtag group.

Hizashi blinked as he registered the words and then turned away from the light of the window slowly, eyes settling on the purple-haired boy who was glaring up at him.

He frowned, “You don’t even know how to drive.”

“Then teach me that too,” Hitoshi answered, his tone bordering on impatient as he crossed his thin arms.

Too thin, Hizashi thought as he wondered if he and Oboro should make a hit tonight just to get some extra food.

He shook his head and quirked his lips into a small smile, “Sorry, kid, pretty sure your brother would string me up if he found out I was showing you the ropes.”

If anything, those words only seemed to add heat to Hitoshi’s gaze as he took a step forward to fully block the doorway.

“So?” Hitoshi’s tone was solid, no hesitation in his words, “He doesn’t care what I think about him committing crimes, so why should I care what he thinks?”

Oh dear... Hizashi blanched, finally seeing the true direction of the conversation and dreading it.

“Well, let’s not be too hasty, eh?” Hizashi took a few steps toward the door the other was standing in, but stopped when the boy tensed further, “Look, those are different circumstances.”

“No, they’re not,” Hitoshi retorted, “He’s not my parent, he’s my brother, so really he has no say in what I do.”

Hizashi’s eyes narrowed a fraction, “I wouldn’t go that far. Shouta has your best interests in mind, kid.”

“I could be just as good as you guys,” Hitoshi wasn’t backing down, his eyes fixed on the blonde, “You wouldn’t know till you give me a chance.”

Hizashi huffed out a breath and placed a hand on his hip, “Kid, it’s too dangerous for you. If something happened to you I’d be responsible and the risk isn’t worth it.”

Hitoshi’s arms had now dropped to his sides, hands curled into fists as he shook with anger, “Is that what you’re going to say when you end up getting my brother killed?”

Hitoshi downright glared at him, “You’re the reason that he’s hurt right now and you’re going to be the reason he dies one day! And I’ll never forgive you for it!”

Those words jabbed at something deep in the blonde man’s chest, something that cowered in the corner of his heart and ached with fear.

Hizashi rose to his full height, eyes hard as he stared down at the boy, “You need to listen up, kid, cause I’m only gonna say this once! I know you hate me cause you think I dragged Shouta into my messed up schemes, but you’re wrong!”

Hitoshi swallowed as he stared up at the blonde, but Hizashi barreled on, “Shouta is smart and capable and the fact that you think he’d be so easily manipulated is a little insulting. He’s doing everything that he can to give you a chance at a decent life and a clean record for it too!”

Hizashi deflated as soon as the words left his mouth, the fight leaving him at the wide-eyed look on the young boy’s face.

“I’m sorry...” He ran a hand through his hair and sighed as he inwardly cursed himself for losing his temper, “It’s... not easy for me either, seeing Shouta hurt. But trust me, the first thing I did was try to cut him out. But I don’t control your brother, kid, no one does... that’s one o’ the things I love about him.”

“He just wants to get the money to get you a good start in life,” Hizashi shrugged half-heartedly, “He can’t stand the idea of you following in his and Nem’s footsteps. He’s talked my ear off before about how you deserve better. Everything he does... he does for you, Hitoshi.”

Hitoshi shuffled his feet and looked away finally, his eyes settling on the bed in the corner of the room, “I just never thought he’d get hurt like this... it’s...”

“It’s scary,” Hizashi nodded, finally gathering the wits to step over and place a gentle hand on the younger boy’s shoulder - one that he was surprised wasn’t shaken off, “I wish I could tell you it’s the last time or it’ll never happen again, but I don’t make empty promises, kid. What I can ask is for you to trust me, yeah?”

Hitoshi took in a heavy breath before his eyes slid up to meet Hizashi’s gaze, “... Trust you?”

Hizashi nodded and stooped slightly to look the boy in the eyes, “Trust me when I say that I will do everything in my power to make sure Shouta always comes home to you. No matter what it costs me.”

Hitoshi met his gaze evenly, his eyes sharp and calculating. He nodded suddenly, seemingly satisfied with whatever he saw in Hizashi’s jade green orbs, “I trust you.”

#the little ‘read more’ thing probably isn’t going to work #cause I’m on mobile and it’s dumb #but idk I’ll fix it tomorrow maybe #anyways I love this AU so much #there’s just so many golden moments #erasermic #fic ideas #bonnie and clyde au #megglepie #ask #my fics #if this thing takes off I might compile this on AO3 maybe?#idk I’ve never done something like this before lol #drabble #death mention #text post

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goth-surana · 3 years

Text

Hope and Hopelessness Chapter 4

Chapter 4 of 7(?)

Main pairing: Anders/Male Hawke

Main tags: Angst with a happy ending, tranquil!Anders, cure for tranquility

Summary: After some time on the run with Hawke, Anders is caught and made tranquil. Hawke cannot bring himself to kill him, instead chasing a distant hope that there may be a cure.

Read on AO3 or below the cut

Hawke was on his last fucking legs when the letter arrived. More dead ends, more people recognizing them and therefore more fights

The inquisition was handling some amount of the chaos in the world, but enough was left that Hawke and Anders still had to make their way through.

Hawke wished they could still be helping the rebel mages from afar, but now they were too concerned with their own survival. Now Anders was practically defenseless. Sure, he still knew how to swing a staff as a weapon, but he was no longer the powerhouse he used to be without his magic.

Hawke used to get frustrated with Justice a lot, but now he missed the bastard. He may have worked Anders to the bone, may have been somewhat unreasonable, but by the Maker had he protected Anders. Hawke didn’t have to worry so much, knowing Justice was there.

When the messenger found them Hawke almost punched her in the face. She moved too quickly, too silently.

“I’m a friend!” the scrawny elf said after she deftly avoided Hawke. “Tethras sent me.”

She handed Hawke the letter, and scurried off without a word.

Hawke opened the letter and what was inside stole his breath away.

“We found a cure. I’ll grant you safe passage to Skyhold.”

Hawke’s hands went numb holding that letter, his eyes fixed on that first sentence.

It couldn’t be real. It. It couldn’t…

Hawke made it to a back alley before his knees gave out and he sank to the ground. His hands shook, his shoulders shook as he began to cry.

There was hope. There was a way to bring his love back.

“Hawke?” Anders asked. “What has upset you?”

Hawke just shook his head, unable to stem the flow of tears. He had stopped crying so long ago, and now that he started again he couldn’t seem to stop.

Anders waited patiently for him, standing passively. Eventually Hawke stopped crying long enough to speak.

“We’re going to Skyhold.”

Anders regarded him for a moment. “Okay.”

Hawke stood on shaking legs, then stared at Anders. He looked into his vacant eyes and thought about how they would be once more filled with emotion and anger and laughter, full of everything that made Anders himself.

There was hope. Hawke hadn’t been needlessly torturing Anders every day, hadn’t been prolonging his suffering for nothing. Hawke had made the right choice.

On the first night of their journey to Skyhold, Anders had figured out the contents of the letter.

“There is a cure,” he said simply.

“…why do you think that?” Hawke hadn’t been sure how Anders would react. Would he resist?

“Because of your emotional reaction to the letter. You have not cried like that in some time. I thought at first that you were given evidence of an inability to cure tranquility, but were that the case you would have killed me when we were away from sight.”

“You… you were going to let me kill you?” Hawke asked.

“I was not certain you would. The news would have to be either of a cure or of the absence of a cure to cause your reaction. If I ran from you I would likely die. But if I stayed with you there was a small possibility I would not die.”

Hawke just shook his head. Even after all this time, Anders’ blank deductions broke his heart just a tiny bit more. Only now there was an end in sight.

“You’re not going to resist?” Hawke asked. “I thought you were fine being tranquil.”

“I am,” said Anders, “but you are not. If I stay with you, you will force me to go through with the cure. If I run, I will die. I am skeptical about this cure you speak of, but I do not want to die.”

Another blow to Hawke’s heart. But Anders was right. No matter what Anders’ feelings on the matter were now, Hawke would make sure he was cured. He remembered what Karl described tranquility as, knew Anders could never truly be happy in such a state.

Before Hawke would have said he would never force Anders to do anything. Anders’ whole life had been full of others forcing their will upon him, Anders deserved to be free…

But not this time. This was Hawke’s breaking point, and he was making this decision for Anders.

They didn’t talk much during the rest of the journey. Hawke wondered if Anders was nervous about being cured, if he was even capable of nervousness.

Hawke didn’t know how he felt right now. It wasn’t happy, not yet. He wouldn’t be happy until he saw Anders returned to him. Until then, he was… hopeful. That too was a foreign feeling after so long. Hawke may have refused to give up hope completely, but he had been living with so little of it that it couldn’t be felt.

Skyhold was incredible, massive and daunting. Hawke and Anders both covered their heads with cloaks, it was still a secret that they were coming here. Many here would see Anders dead, so Hawke was content with the secrecy.

How many of those people also wished him dead, he wondered? Fewer, he knew. While he was an outlaw, a strange tale of a hero still followed him. Hawke found that strange, because he made it clear he supported Anders. Hawke doesn’t even know if he would have stopped him if he knew about the chantry… it was an awful thing, but wasn’t Kirkwall full of awful things? Hawke had done many awful things… with far less noble intentions.

Varric’s tales of Hawke as a hero had overwritten his past as a scoundrel, it seemed. A very affable scoundrel, but a scoundrel nonetheless. Hawke knew Varric’s stories also portrayed Anders in a positive light, despite how angry he was. But that wasn’t enough to sway public opinion. Why was that, Hawke wondered? Was it just easier to hate a mage, easier to love a man born from noble blood?

If Hawke could, he would take all the hate for Anders onto himself. He played no small part in the escalation of the violence in Kirkwall, although Varric tended to omit those parts. Hawke fought the bloody night commander at every turn, and probably had some hand in making her paranoid enough to try to annul the Circle.

It was no use dwelling on the past. Could there have been a peaceful solution to the monster that was Kirkwall? Probably not, in Hawke’s opinion. Others might say different, and maybe they were right, but Hawke was a jaded man. He had just seen too much.

An inquisition soldier met Hawke and escorted him and Anders through the stone halls. The young man was clearly nervous, knowing who he led.

They came to an imposing set of doors, and were let into a wide room with a large table in the center. Chairs surrounded the table, and Varric sat in one. Hawke caught his friend’s eye and wished he could muster a smile. He hadn’t seen Varric in a long time.

Next to Varric sat a woman who must be the Inquisitor herself. Whatever Hawke expected, this was not it.

It wasn’t that the woman was Tal-Vashoth, it wasn’t that she was a mage. He had thought she would be imposing in her stature, and maybe she was at her full height. But right now she was leaning on one elbow, long brown hair falling across her shoulders as she looked up at Hawke with sad, tired eyes.

Hawke recognized that look, it was the look of someone who needed a fucking break.

“Champion,” she said, smiling slightly. There was something familiar in her appearance, in her coloring and her ice-blue eyes.

The woman stood and walked over to Hawke, extending a hand. Hawke had been right before, she was more imposing at her full height. Hawke and Anders were by no means short, but she was at least a head taller.

“Rosalind Adaar,” she introduced herself, shaking Hawke’s hand.

Oh, Hawke realized. She was the daughter of the Tal-Vashoth couple that had saved his and Anders’ lives. The world had an odd way of playing jokes on him.

Hawke was about to respond, when the world decided it would be even funnier. The doors burst open, and in walked Cullen Rutherford.

Hawke barely had time to balk before he was speaking.

“Adaar, what is the meaning of this? Varric sent for Hawke?” He asked incredulously.

“You knew!” Came a new voice, a woman’s voice. She was tall, carried herself like a warrior and had short black hair.

“You lied to me! You always knew where the Champion was.”

“Why is-“ Cullen began, and then his eyes landed on Anders. The man’s expression turned to shock.

Hawke stepped in front of him, holding out a protective hand.

“Don’t get any ideas!” Hawke snarled. “We were promised safe passage by your inquisitor.”

What in the Maker’s name was Cullen bloody Rutherford doing here, and why hadn’t Varric told him? It seemed Varric was lying to quite a few people these days.

“Cool it, Curly,” said Varric, getting up from his chair. “He’s telling the truth, Sunflower promised they would both be safe here.”

Hawke presumed “Sunflower” referred to the Inquisitor. Varric seemed to have a thing against calling anyone by their name, excluding Hawke. Hawke had always wondered if it was because his name already sounded like a description.

“No!” The woman exclaimed in surprise. “Do not tell me… if that is the Champion, the man with him-“

“Is under my protection,” Adaar cut in firmly, her arms crossed. “I am Andraste’s chosen, am I not? That’s what you always say.”

The way she said that and the look she gave the woman spoke of some backstory there. An old argument.

“I will not allow this inquisition to shelter that murderer!” The woman responded.

“My inquisition,” Adaar said. “You keep telling me it’s my call to make, that I need to step up as the leader. Well I’m bloody doing it now, and I extended my protection to Hawke and Anders.”

The woman was about to reply when Anders took his hood off, probably because it was obvious now who he was.

“You’re tranquil…” the woman said. “I had not heard that. You could have told me that, Inquisitor. I would not have objected to his being here as much as I do now.”

Hawke wanted to punch that woman. She sounded relieved, relieved that Anders wasn’t dangerous. Wasn’t that how everyone saw mages? The rest of Thedas liked to pretend they weren’t the Qunari, but “dangerous thing” was all that mages were to them.

“Cassandra…” Adaar said calmly, but tiredly. “He won’t be tranquil for long. I’m testing out the cure.”

“You wish to return this murderer to his full power?!” Cassandra almost yelled. “Inside our base! Inside all we have worked to build!”

“I wish to return this man to his mind,” said Adaar. “Does his being tranquil make you feel safe, Seeker?” Adaar practically sneered. The two women may be coworkers, but something was clearly bubbling under the surface.

“Of course it does,” replied Cassandra, “you know well what he is capable of.”

“The same as I’m capable of,” said Adaar. “Same as any mage. Would it make you feel safer if I was tranquil too?”

Hawke felt he should really not be in the middle of this. He had clearly walked right into a storm.

“I have never begrudged you for what you are! You are the Inquisitor, and I have always respected you as such.” Cassandra shot back.

This only made Adaar’s face grow darker. “I am a mage, Cassandra. I have always been a mage, always will be a mage, even if you refuse to acknowledge it.”

“I do not see you as merely a mage!” Cassandra responded, frustrated.

“You don’t see me as a mage at all!” Adaar raised her voice, clearly some deep frustration boiling over. “Say it Casandra, say I’m a mage because it’s what I fucking am! I know none of you want to see it, none of you want to reconcile that you work for a mage, I know you think I’m different, but I’m not! I’m just like the others! If you’re so happy with fucking tranquility then brand me right now, because every mage you feel glad is tranquil is me. We are the same!”

Cassandra took a step back, still angry but somewhat stunned. “I would never wish you tranquil.”

“Every mage you hurt is me!” Adaar replied, tears forming at the corners of her eyes. “None of you see it because you’re all so busy pretending I’m not a mage! Do you know what Sera said to me the other day?”

Adaar almost laughed, but clearly she was miserable.

“I know you and Sera don’t always see eye to eye-“ Cullen began, raising a placating hand.

“She was worried, because of my training as an arcane warrior, that I was becoming like them! Like other mages! Dangerous things…”

Tears fell from Adaar’s eyes. “I’m sick of it. You all say you respect me but do you respect what I am?”

Cassandra had no answer for that. She looked taken aback, and tried to regain control of the conversation.

“This-“ she pointed to Anders, “is an important matter. You still let a murderer into Skyhold-“

“We’re all bloody murderers!” Adaar snapped. Then she took a deep breath and steadied herself. “… I’ve made my decision as Inquisitor. You may inform the inner circle but no one else. Leliana already knows.”

She sounded so very tired, as tired and full of hurt as Hawke was now accustomed to feeling.

Cassandra left in huff, storming from the room. Cullen made to leave as well, when Adaar stopped him.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, Cullen.”

“Adaa- Rosalind, please don’t think I would ever want you tranquil…”

The man looked genuinely hurt. What a joke, Hawke thought to himself. This monster had stood by when dozens of mages were made tranquil. Something was clearly different about Cullen now though, especially as the Inquisitor didn’t actually look mad at him.

“I don’t think you do,” Adaar assured him, “I don’t think any of you do… and you know, you actually see me as a mage. I don’t have to be someone I’m not around you… so thank you.”

“I know that has been a source of contention between us in the past…”

“What we fought about was better than the silence I get from the others,” Rosalind huffed. “And you know we’re past that. I know you were a Templar and I recognize that about you, you know I am an apostate and you recognize that about me. You’re my friend, Cullen.”

Hawke must be fucking dreaming. Cullen, friends with an apostate? This Rosalind woman was showing him genuine charitability… she must not know who he was. Hawke filed that away for later in his mind, but didn’t voice anything. It wasn’t his business, he didn’t know these people. He was here for the cure, nothing else.

Well… he had agreed to help them with Corypheus, that was part of the exchange. Before he hadn’t thought of that as his responsibility, he had already tried his hand at killing the bastard. But the inquisition’s spymaster still wanted his take on the situation.

“I’m sorry you had to see that, Champion,” Adaar said. “I am… not at my best, currently.”

“Don’t worry,” Hawke replied, “I’m not either. And just call me Hawke. Kinda got sick of the whole “Champion” thing.”

Adaar chuckled. “I can relate. I’ve spent so long being the Inquisitor now, it’s hard to remember being myself. Rosalind, Roz, Adaar…even Sunflower, those all suit me better.”

The room was silent for a moment after, all present acknowledging how tired they all were. Thankfully, Cullen left. Hawke breathed a sigh of relief. Cullen may be different now, but Hawke didn’t trust him around Anders. Hawke still remembered his words back in Kirkwall, his actions back in Kirkwall.

“How do we cure Anders?” Hawke asked the room. This nightmare needed to be over soon.

“Right,” said Adaar, giving her head a small shake. “It turns out that the Seekers of Truth have known the cure for tranquility for some time now. They… they kept it from the world…”

Adaar’s eyes were brimming with tears again, she looked furious.

“The Seekers that you’ve been working with,” Hawke pointed out.

Adaar smiled sardonically, wiping a tear from her cheek. “Cassandra didn’t know… but those above her did. I’m… I’m so sick of this place, honestly, but I’m too involved to leave. I have too much power at my disposal to leave, I have the power to help mages.”

The conviction in her voice was so painfully familiar. Hawke smiled at the woman. Adaar continued to explain.

“To cure the tranquil, a spirit must touch their mind. The problem is convincing a spirit to do that, so a spirit healer is needed.”

“And you have one?”

“Not yet, but Leliana sent for Commander Surana.”

“Surana’s a spirit healer?” Hawke asked, startled. The woman hadn’t seemed to have much of a knack for healing. Hawke’s shoulder remembered that.

“Leliana said she learned on the battlefield,” said Varric, easily sliding into his role as storyteller. “So her methods were… unconventional and untrained.”

“But she can connect with a spirit of the Fade,” came a new voice. Entering the room was a red-haired woman that Hawke knew must be Leliana.

“And,” the woman continued, “my beloved is willing to make the connection to help her dear friend. She should be arriving tomorrow.”

“We will be safe for the night?” Hawke asked, frowning.

“As long as you are under my protection, no one will touch you,” Adaar said firmly.

“Why are you doing this for us?” Hawke asked, trying and failing to let his guard drop for even a minute. The world was cruel, they shouldn’t keep meeting people who were kind. First they met Adaar’s kind parents, and how she was going out of her way to help.

“It’s the right thing to do,” Adaar told him. “Anders started something incredible, something I never thought I’d see in my lifetime. Ever since I was a girl I’d known that tranquility would likely be my fate were I ever caught… thanks to him, there is a future where the next little Vashoth mage grows up without that fear. Where every mage has a family like I did.”

Leliana spoke next. “My feelings on his actions may be complicated, but he has allowed the dream of my beloved to come true. Adaar and I want to build a world without Circles, where people like my Regan will never be caged again.”

“And,” Varric added quietly, “… people care about him. He was a good friend.I wasn’t just gonna let him stay like this, and Commander Surana wasn’t either. You know, Hawke, you don’t have a monopoly on caring for Anders.”

Varric chuckled while he said it, but the sincerity in his voice brought tears to Hawke’s eyes.

“I…” Hawke said, making sure he kept his composure. “I suppose I just got used to being his only protector.”

“And you’ve done your job,” Varric assured Hawke. “You brought him here. Now let the rest of his friends and supporters handle it. We’ll bring him back to you.”

Hawke took a sharp breath, covering his face as he began to cry. This was real. This was happening.

#handers #anders/male hawke #anders/hawke #m!handers

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