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writers-hq · 1 year

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WHY IS WRITING IS SO FUCKING HARD?

Ten types of fuckery that stop you from writing the thing:

1. Imposter syndrome

You think you're not good enough or everyone else is better than you and you're just winging it AKA ye olde imposter syndrome bullshit. Yeah nah you're fine. No really, you're exactly where you need to be right now, and you'll keep getting better and better so long as you don't stop. Chances are, if you're filled with doubt about your abilities it means you've actually improved to the point where you can really start to understand what makes good writing. It means you know where you wanna end up and goshdarn it you're gonna get there.

Read this: 4 tips to kick imposter syndrome in the face and also genitals

And also this: How to silence the inner critic

2. Fear of rejection and/or failure

Yeah, us too. It fuckin sucks. BUT. Not all rejections are equal. And rejection is a necessary part of the process. Sometimes it takes a rejection to realise that a story isn't ready. Sometimes a rejection is entirely subjective and has ZERO reflection on the quality of your work. But shying away from the very idea of possibly maybe hypothetically getting rejected is only going to hold you back from even trying. And knowing why you got rejected and how to learn from it is one of the most valuable writing skills.

Read this: The different types of rejection (and how to deal with 'em)

Then read this: How to cope with rejection

And also this: Writing lessons from Groundhog Day

3. Not enough planning / too much planning

Leaping into a new story with nothing but a glimmer of an idea is exciting as heck (and can sometimes be a great way to begin) but at some point you're gonna need some sort of outline or plan to keep you on track. HOWEVER. Planning your story to within an inch of its life can also sometimes be a hindrance - leaving you stuck in the hypothetical stage of the process where your story doesn't quite exist yet (and therefore avoiding the prospect of it sucking). The sweet spot is in the middle. Having just enough of a plan to know where tf you're going, but enough freedom and flexibility to let the story lead the way...

Read this: Planning vs pantsing

Then read this: Five plotting techniques

And also this: The perils of overplanning

4. Your WIP just isn't working

Sometimes things just fall flat. Sometimes you work on the same story for yeeeeears and then it just kinda... dies. Sometimes you have the best plans (see above) and the best intentions and things still don't work out. Sometimes it's just time to move on. And sometimes it's not! Sometimes a story can be revived, fixed or changed. Sometimes you just need time. Sometimes YOU'RE the one that's changed and this isn't the story you need to be writing right now. Many variables. Muchly personal. Read the things below for more advice cos this is a big question:

Read this: What to do when your WIP isn't working

And also this: Give it space - how to grow a story in your head

Or how about this? Editing 101

5. You keep deprioritising it

Ah the irony of writing being the thing you love/want to do most of all AND YET the thing you procrastinate over and avoid and shove to the very bottom of your to-do list all the freakin' time. Maybe it's the comodification of art destroying our freedom to create without pressure. Maybe it's late capitalism sucking up all our available time and energy. Maybe it's a lack of self-belief subconsciously telling us our 'little hobby' doesn't really matter. Maybe it's maybelline. Whatever it is, you have the power to reclaim and revalue your writing. To say, "I'm a fucking writer, goddamnit!" and mean it. To ringfence your creative time so nothing and nobody gets to interrupt it. To do that thing you love.

Read this: Prioritise your writing

Read this: How to write in 30 second bursts

6. Shiny Thing Syndrome

You know that feeling when you're just getting stuck into a writing project and then — SQUIRREL! — you get distracted by another, better, more shiny writing project? Or maybe you're deep in the editing phase and your current WIP just isn't feeling very shiny at all and pretty much ANYTHING seems more exciting? Or you simply can't decide which of the many squirrelly writing ideas to actually start? You, fine writerperson, may be suffering from Shiny Thing Syndrome (STS). But fear not! There are a few ways to combat it, depending on the cause, and most of them involve embracing the squirrel-brain and injecting a bit of fun into your writing, like so:

Read this: Shiny thing syndrome - a writer's malady

Aaaand read this: Get excited about your writing again

And also this: Write like a kid

7. Perfectionism/self-sabotage

Look. Writing is scary as shit. What if someone READS it? What if they don't like it? What if they see into your soul and gain a deeper understanding of you through your words? Writing your truth, being vulnerable, smearing your heart juice all over the page? No thank you. But also, that's where the good shit is, so actually yes please. Just make sure you smear responsibly. And rest assured, even the most 'successful' and experienced writers ALSO feel like this sometimes, so you're in good company. It's just part of the art, bruh.

Read this: Why writing is scary (and why that's a good thing)

Read this: Beginning a story - what stops us starting?

And also this: Get out of your own way

8. The dreaded blank page

Oh godddd the blank page. It should be an exciting palimseset of possibility but is somehow also the most terrifying thing known to humankind. You wanna write something but where to start? HOW to start? You type that first line and immediately delete it. You watch the cursor blinking at you—taunting you—until you just give up and shut your laptop again. It's probably tied up with a bunch of things we've already covered so far: perfectionism, imposter syndrome, fear of failure, maybe a lack of planning or faith in your story or whatever. But it doesn't have to be this way. A blank page IS exciting and full of possibility. We just have to get over ourselves and learn to embrace the unknown...

Read this: Don't fear the blank page

And also this: The moaning method

9. Not enough time/energy/motivation/gnuuuughh

Dude, same x 1000. But you don't have to get up at 5am, do hot yoga, drink a kale smoothie and write a thousand words before sunrise to be a Proper Writer. You don't even have to write every day. But what you can do is hack your writing brain and figure out when, where, how, and why you write most effectively. Then tweak your schedule, your habits, and your attitude to ensure you're making the most of your time. Productivity is a big ol' lie but finding the secret to getting in your own personal writing zone is actual MAGIC.

Read this: Maximise your writing time

And also this: Get in the writing zone

And also unto this: The Writers' HQ Guide to Productivity

10. You're just fucken stuck

Got the writing morbs? In need of some literary sudafed? Stuck as a pig in a poke? Writing is a whole puzzle of a process—and to be honest that's what makes it so fun and exciting and addictive, because your writing brain is hardwired to both create AND solve the wordy puzzles within your story. Sometimes the answer is time. Sometimes it's a second opinion or a fresh eye. Sometimes a totally different approach or just a hefty kick up the bum. But whatever the problem, there IS a solution. You just gotta keep going and trust that you'll find it...

Read this: Troubleshoot your writing - why are you stuck?

And also this: Break through the writing blockage

And also also this: Write yourself into a pit (and then dig your way out again)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alright, that's it for today. Now go write, you flithy animals.

(And if we missed anything, stick a question in our ask box or check out the rest of our shit here)

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etfrin · 4 months

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❝ꜱᴏᴜʟꜱ ᴛᴏ ᴄʀᴜꜱʜ❞ — chapter ten | coriolanus snow

「ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢ:」 SFW | Coriolanus Snow, elitism | lmk if I forgot anything

「ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢ:」 young! Coriolanus Snow x fem! Reader

「ꜱᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ:」 Coriolanus and you wake up together in the morning of the games!

「ᴀ/ɴ:」 i hope y'all like this!!

Beta read by 🎉 @nowitsmissing

series masterlist | navigation

Coriolanus Snow got out of the shower, the boy freshly dressed in a white, too-tight shirt and charcoal pants. You were sleeping on the bed, curled to his side right now. He should wake you up for breakfast. After he told Tigris a friend had stayed over the night, she was excited that this was the first guest they had in years and how glad she was that Coriolanus found a true friend.

A true friend. He certainly wasn't used to it. You never met his expectations, always managing to ruin his prediction of the future whenever it involved you. You were everything, you were an enigma, addicting and unsolvable.

God bless Tigris, when she heard about you, she went out to get groceries with whatever penny she had. She had assured Coriolanus that your first meal in this house wouldn't be the flavorless cabbage soup. Coryo was glad that at least he wouldn't have to face the embarrassment of not even serving proper food.

Coryo decided to cook for you himself. He wanted to make sure everything is as perfect as it gets. Tigris had found some tomatoes and strawberries for cheap! There was bread that was expired, but it's only been three days and you didn't have to know. So he decided to make tomato soup and toasted bread with strawberries for dessert.

When grandma’am was busy, he even took the risk of stealing roses from the penthouse. He had some mint leaves in the fridge. He wanted to make a drink for you. He rinsed the roses, crushing the petals and the mint together. He mixes the juice from the paste in cold water. He swirls the liquid with a spoon and watches it turn light green.

He takes a small sip, the strong floral flavor of the roses tasting well with the freshness of the mint. He smiles satisfied. He doesn't let Tigris do any of the work, he sets the table, and the food himself. Changing positions of the plate every few minutes to make sure everything is acceptable and up to standard. Just because his house isn't made of diamonds anymore doesn't mean that the Snows' have forgotten how to treat their guests.

After everything was deemed perfect in his eyes, he opened his bedroom door to wake you up. You were already awake. Sitting up on the bed, your face sleepy. You could barely keep your eyes open and he almost wanted to suggest that you go back to sleep. You looked so cute! You blink several times, gaining sense, and look at him with an unfiltered grin.

“Good morning, Coryo,” you greet him, your eyes shining.

“Good morning,” he said, softly, feeling his heart getting warm. “Come on, you can freshen up in the bathroom. I made breakfast.”

You nod and make your way to the bathroom. Coriolanus waits for your arrival, he keeps the seat beside him free. Tigris chatted excitedly about some new designs and Grandma'am wasn't at her best to make conversations (which he was grateful for).

You come out of the washroom, your face fresh and your hair somewhat tamed. You eye the empty seat beside him and take it. You introduced yourself softly to the family and watched their eyes widen when they realized who you were and the power your family held.

Coriolanus felt proud. That's his soulmate, he wanted to say but didn't. He had to be patient, he had to be careful. He wasted a decade of his life, he can't mess this up.

You looked at the food, and he felt worried that you wouldn't like it. He knew this was nothing compared to the meal you have in your home, heck even the Academy had better food than this! You looked back at him and whispered, “You cooked this yourself?”

Coriolanus nodded, not sure if the question was a good or bad thing. Will you refuse to eat it because it was made by a boy who starves daily and has no idea what fine cuisine tastes like? Will you break his heart like that, and prove that you're predictable?

He swallows, his throat dry as he watches you sip the rosemint water he made. You take some toasted bread onto your plate, your bowl filled with tomato soup. You dip the toast into the soup and take a bite.

Neither Coriolanus nor Tigris had started their meal waiting for your reaction. Coriolanus was getting worried sick about how horrible it was, he shouldn't have let you come and see him so undone, so raw. He ruined everything. You can't possibly-

“This is delicious,” you exclaimed with joy, “I can't believe you cooked this, Coryo!”

Tigris chuckled, glad that you liked it, “He has magic hands.”

“I think it's your hands that are magic, Tigris,” he said. He turns to you, “She's a designer.”

You make small talk with Tigris, asking about her works and Coriolanus feels himself to calm down. He begins to nibble at his bread, taking small sips of the soup to save it for later. He couldn't believe his reality, it felt like a fever.

He was afraid a wrong move would wake him up. He couldn't have that when he finally felt at home in the ruins of his penthouse. He would always remember the moment of you giggling and Tigris talking about her ideas. The two of you are seemingly turning into friends. He loved to see the two most important women in his life bonding.

Of course, the moment has to be shattered. Life doesn't let him keep his smile up for long. Oh, how cruel the fates were to remind him of his true reality.

“Hopefully, Coryo, I will return the favor by cooking you a meal one day.”

“We don't want your disgusting, filthy district food,” his Grandma’am sneered.

“Well, then I am sure you'll like it enough if it's made by my Capitol-blooded Michelin star chef.”

In a moment, you have revealed your status, that you were above Coriolanus and his family who couldn't even dream of having a chef in their home anymore. You showed that no matter what, you were higher than him, that you weren't equal. That you were simply indulging him in his foolish quest of making a good breakfast. That it could never be truly compared.

And you also knew you fucked up by saying that. Coriolanus knee you weren't in the wrong, but he couldn't help the hurt he felt by the remainder of it all.

He has to win the Plinth Prize at any cost.

You profusely apologize and even though Tigris said it's alright, you get up from the table without finishing the meal. You go back to his room. He doesn't finish his meal either, his stomach filled with disappointment. He follows you into the room. You turn to him as he closes the door.

“I am sorry!” You said, “It was uncalled for. She's old and it's-”

“It’s fine,” he cuts in, giving you a fake polite smile reserved for his classmates, “I think she would like it more if it's done by a Michelin star chef.”

“Coriolanus,” you said, walking up to him, your hands cradling his face as you cage him to the door. Oh, how delightful the cage is for him.

“I am sorry!” you plead, and for a moment he thought you were simply performing. This was all a huge joke, and he's just a punchline.

“Real or not?” He whispered, his lips close to yours.

“Real,” you answered, “I didn't mean it like that. I didn't mean to brag- after finally you-” You stopped your words and leaned in instead but Coriolanus flinched back. Not until he's equal to you. He won't have you as Coryo, the poor starving boy from the Capitol. He will have you as Coriolanus Snow, the winner of it all, the heir of the Snow lineage.

You hide the hurt on your face and lean back.

The silence in the room was thick and awkward. There are hours before the games start. Coriolanus needed to practice self-control because he wanted to pull you right back in his arms, push you against the door, and capture your lips. He wants to taste the mint and the rose on your tongue, he wants to ruin your ability to think and wants to steal your breath.

But he doesn't do any of it.

His eyes flicker to the box underneath his table. It was labeled as rat poison. Your eyes follow his gaze and it snapped back to meet his eyes again. It was amazing how a conversation was held without even saying a word.

Lucy Gray is weak. She won't last a minute in the arena.

They'll know.

They won't, not if she wins.

“Coryo,” you begin to say.

“I have to do this,” he firmly said, “You know why.” So that we can be equals, he thinks, so that I don't have to flinch back from your lips because I don't feel worthy of you.

“How will you even hide it?” You asked, your eyebrows furrowed.

Coriolanus Snow takes out a powder compact from his drawer. It was silver in color and was decorated with an engraved rose. It was his mother's. In difficult times, when he had trouble falling asleep, he would click it open and inhale the rose scent of the silken cake of powder within.

He clicks it open now, the cake of rose-scented flowers spreads the fragrance across his bedroom. You come in closer and gently pry the compact from his hands to yours. He lets you because he trusts you.

“Your mother's?” You questioned.

“Yes,” he replied, unable to keep his emotions in check. “She's always with me with this and she will help me win the games.”

You don't say anything but put down the compact gently on the desk before wrapping your arms around him. “Your mom would be proud of you, Coryo,” you said. Coriolanus wanted to question how would you know, you never even met her. However, your words brought him comfort and it gave him the courage to pull out the cake powder and contain it before filling the compact with rat poison.

“Let me drop you off at the Zoo,” you said, your fingertip tracing over the rose. Your other hand holds his cheek, your thumb caressing him gently. He closed his eyes, feeling all of his tension leave. He couldn't describe how calm he felt from your touch. How right it was for you to touch him.

“Okay,” he lets out, “Let me change first.”

He changed into his pristine academy uniform. He makes sure all of his curls are in place. He has to hold your hands and glare at you playfully when you try to mess it up.

“Don't,” he warns with a small smile. And you pout and for a moment he gives in. He gives into himself and- before his lips can touch yours, you pull back. So, he held your hand up and kissed your knuckle instead.

“Thank you,” he said, his voice sincere, “for everything.”

For saving him. For supporting him. For being his.

Both of you got in the car, the plan was to drive Coriolanus to the zoo. He will deliver it to Lucy Gray and go directly to the Academy by foot while you go back to your house for a change of clothes and then go to the Academy.

The car ride is quiet, neither of you wanting to say too much but unwilling to reveal anything. You park the car in front of the Zoo gates. He opens his mouth to say goodbye but you interrupt first by saying,

“May the odds be in your favor, Coryo. See you at the Games, pretty boy.”

NEXT PART

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08luvmailz · 4 months

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⌨︎ ⁩◞ HERO FANBOY — ! ❪shoto todoroki❫

SYNOPSIS ୨୧ ! which a certain hero from ua crushes (hard) on a idol ! headcanon, ooc shoto

FANBOY SHOTO! He wasn't interested in kpop activities, heck he hardly known anything about kpop in general.

He started knowing about them because of his brother natsuo who bought a heck ton of albums and blasting music in his room.

He side-eye his brother when he's screaming because he got your WINK-PHOTOCARD, as he keep screaming " omg! ITS SO SPARKS "

he saw the photocard and he was like " oh she's pretty " but disregard it afterwards BUTT

DIDNT KNOW HE WOULD FELL THAT HARD

he saw one of your recent comebacks on tv because his brother is streaming it and gahdam ur fucking SPARKLING ON STAGE.

At first he started knowing your group, YOU FIRST then streaming your group songs, your debut solo, collabs. streaming your group shows and music bank AND ALL THOSE

started buying albums too with natsuo. FINALLY HE HAVE SOMEONE IN THE FAMILY WHO WILL BE IN DEPT FOR LIFE BUYING ALBUMS

Natsuo asked who is his bias without hesitation he said your name, bro was smirking so bad at his lil bro BECAUSE YOU ARE THE MAKNAE OF YOUR GROUP, also half japanese and same age as him.

Bro was blushing whenever the camera pans at your face and smirking and doing that HE WAS GETTING HOTTER THAN HIS QUIRK

have a well known kpop stan twitter account who always make short comment about you but ICONIC because of how pure and sweet it is

doesnt know it but actually fell inlove with you NOT BECAUSE OF UR FACE (its a plus on him) but because of your determination and hard work, humour and personality is just CHEFS KISS

no one knows about his obsession welp it almost slip up when he accidently unplug his wired earphones to his phone AND SUDDENLY BLASTING Nobody knows by your group.

he lied he is just a casual listener

defends you on twitter, he looks like a soft boy but damn he is a beast on roasting BUT FAILS CAUSE HE CAN ONLY CUSS AT THEM

dedicated to buy front row tickets when your group finally have a concert there at your hometown

BRO WAS FIGHTING FOR LIFE AT THE POOR CONNECTION

bro brought the vip tickets for him and his big bro (with his dads money ofc, not like his father would know)

bro brought the 2 tickets for each day

won a fancall with you once but DAMN IT HIS HERO STUFF IS GETTING ON THE WAY

poor bby sulked the whole day that he missed the call, he was practicing his lines and tone for you

brought many batteries for his lightstick

make sure he is lookin good (not like he isn't good looking)

bro wake up early asf he want to be there as fast

bro became popular fan after one pictured him as the guy from the (group name) concert at jpn

he didnt know he bacame popular, he just saw his face 3 days after the concert on stan twt

BRO WHEN YOU TWO MAKE EYE CONTACT HE HAS HEART EYES

BRO WAS WHIPPED ASF

you are one stubborn fuck saw this cute guy with a scar and went through the barricades even though security was trying to get you back in stage cause its just a sound check and your safety too

Bro you came closer to him and saw his instax reaching for you. MADE A HEART CHEEK AT HIS FACE AND CAME CLOSER TO HIS FACE

bro almost want to faint right then and there.

you went after that he was kinda sad but happy he got a selfie WITH HIM

making this his lockscreen and making a frame of this treasured photo

You kept stealing glances at him and interacting with hand language, asking if he already eat lunch or just blantly flirting with him

LUCKIEST FAN

natsuo kept pushing his shoulders for every interaction at their section BUT MAINLY YOU ARE FOCUSED ON HIS BROTHER

bro when he came back from school BRO WAS BOMBARDED WITH QUESTIONS LIKE

" I DIDNT KNOW UR A FAN TODOROKI! " " WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME UR A FAN, I WANT TO BUY TICKETS TOO " " i didn't know todoroki listens to kpop " "BRO DID U HAVE PICS AND VID OF (your leader name) "

was now known as poker face but listens to puppy love by (groupname)

After that twt post of him being a handsome fan THEN PEOPLE STARTED SAYING HE WAS THE KID FROM UA, ENDEAVOR SON AND ALL THOSE SHIT

have an article of him now being the hero fan boy

boy he didnt give a shit about them, he just wanting to chill

but that didnt start there

your member posted on weverse a video of you taken, watching the sports festival and chanting HIS NAME AND BETTING THAT HE WOULD 1st PLACE

bro became the luckiest fan alive

saying he is the luckiest fan and hero and all of those then actually GONNA MEET YOU

you have a campaign like a collab with a hero AND THAT IS HIS DAD

participating on a event JUST TO SEE YOU

he did and boy was he nervous

he kept stuttering at the end of his sentence

then because actually friend with you, a little bit touchy side BUT HE IS A GENTELEMAN just subtle glances and touches

got your number and him posting a selfie of you two on twt (he made another acc just to post boast that picture)

after that he was well known as the hero fanboy who will soon in the future marry his idol

that woud be a story in another time <3

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rowretro · 24 days

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If your requests are open, can I get hard yandere Jake or Ni-Ki where they punish reader for escaping and staying with one of their friends?

𝕺𝖍 𝖒𝖞 𝕯𝖆𝖗𝖑𝖎𝖓𝖌…

✧warnings: Yandere themes, toxic themes, mentions of blood, manipulation(?), shirtless-ish riki, somewhat gore, mentions of sex

✧❁✧❁✧❁✧❁✧❁✧❁✧❁✧❁✧❁✧❁✧❁✧❁✧

"Oh my sweet little y/n... I knew you were stupid but for you to be this stupid?!..." Riki tutted, a mocking pout on his lips, his shirt drenched with the blood of someone you called a friend. He barely knew you, yet he befriended you just because he knew you were in the danger of Riki. Your stupid self just had to believe Riki wouldn't know that the motherfucker would be keeping you in his house.

He was pissed. No he was beyond pissed, words can not explain how bad of a decision she made. Riki wasn't too into murdering people or ripping them apart, but for her? god a little blood on his hands was nothing let alone stabbing a dagger with her name encrypted into this so called friend of hers? heck he could even leave the body out because not even a family member was there to want him.

"Oh well... he lived a miserable life anyway.... this was your fault y/n. You know better than to trust a strangers word over mine. Fuck the fact you trusted another man. went into his house. wore his shirt. AND FUCKING LEFT ME?!" He finally yelled causing her to flinch, he stabbed him crazily as you screamed for him to stop, tears streaming down her cheeks. "STOP CRYING FOR HIM!" he screamed, slapping her painfully on her cheek.

he knelt down before her dark eyes, peircing into her as he groaned, he threw off his shirt "Mother fucker got his filthy blood all over my comfortable t-shirt. The one you should be wearing right now." he sharply said. The man was pissed. He slapped her yet again, ripping off the T-shirt she wore as she carried her and dropped her in the bathtub.

He didn't care that it was hurting her, he turned the tap on as he applied soap to the sponge and aggressively rubbed on her skin. "I know you wouldn't sleep with him. But you still hugged him. You still went in his house and sat on his rubbish sofa. Fuck imagine all the germs in that shithole you went to." He spat as he chucked the sponge at her and yanked her hair. "Clean yourself up and go to bed." He simply said before leaving the restroom.

"Oh no... I hurt my poor y/n oh sweetie... You need to know what you did is awful... you need to feel the pain I did... but I won't make it hurt as much as you hurt me because I love you... you can tell me anything.... did you have sex with this fucker?! is that why you're wearing his ugly shirt?!!!" Riki asked, as She stared in horror, and disgust. Riki chuckled

That very night, was the first time Riki hurt her, though it hurt him more to hurt her. He stepped out of the shower, smiling as he saw Y/n sitting on his bed, wearing his sweater, how it fell just off of her shoulder, her tears gone as she reached out to hug him, she just needed comfort... and she accepted her fate.

"So cute, I know you won't do something like that with some low life... awww my sweet innocent y/nie, so vulnerable and gullible, sweetheart, he's a pervert, he lied to you, he did this so he can use your precious body. You know I've never done and never will do that you know why? because I love you..." Riki explained as he cradled her in his arms.

He palnted soft kisses on her face "Oh my poor darling y/n... don't ever leave me... I can't live without you!" He said as Y/n placed a soft kiss on his plump lips, giving into his toxic love. She can't help it though... isn't it a good thing that he'd even kill for her?.... so many men have only hurt her, humiliated her or wanted to hook up with her but Riki... Riki loves her...

✧❁✧❁✧❁✧❁✧❁✧❁✧❁✧❁✧❁✧❁✧❁✧❁✧

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thinkingaboutjaedyn · 2 months

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good days [i.engen x reader]

prompt: moving on from someone you loved after they hurt you is hard, but you do it anyways.

author notes: part three and technically the last part finally! i have been so busy lately which was so annoying, but i can now sit down and write long form fics so yippie for me. enjoy it everyone!

part one: nights like this part two: could've been

GOOD DAY IN MY MIND, SAFE TO

TAKE A STEP OUT

GET SOME AIR NOW, LET YOUR EDGE OUT

TOO SOON, I SPOKE, YOU BE

HEAVY ON MY MIND

CAN YOU GET THE HECK OUT?

I NEED REST NOW, GOT ME BUMMED OUT

YOU SO, YOU SO, YOU, BABY, BABY, BABE

I'VE BEEN ON MY EMPTY MIND SHIT

the moment you landed in san diego and got into your apartment, you cried. relief and guilt washes over you as you sit on the floor (in your haste to leave, you didn't furnish the place just yet). you finally did the one thing you never thought you would be able to pull off; leaving ingrid. the weight of her lies are now off your back, but now a different weight sits there now. how could you? how could you just up and leave her with no warning. deep down you know you don't owe her anything after all the bullshit she pulled, but it's hard to think about that when you leave someone you love so deeply. it feels like you dumped her even though you two were hardly together.

ingrid's guilt tripping really has done a number on you. it's funny really, you always was the one telling her to go to therapy and now you definitely need it. maybe if you left sooner, you wouldn't be looking at different therapists in the san diego area. none look appealing to you or maybe it's just the refusal in your mind to be grouped into any type of group as your ex. it was always ingrid needs therapy, not you. now you realize having her around has impacted your mental way more than you thought. moving on is going to be a mess.

you decide to push away all these messy thoughts as you slip on your jacket; having never taken off your clothes or shoes. getting some air and looking at the new city you will be living in for an indefinite period of time is better than trying to fight against the emotions floating around your mind.

it's windy today, your hair flies around a bit as the wind hits you. the slight chill of it makes you shiver, but it's refreshing. ingrid is still weighing in on your mind as you walk around. heading to the park near your apartment building.

how was she feeling right now? what was she doing right now? has she already tried to reach you?

all these questions make you feel a bit lightheaded. how you wish you could just turn off your mind for an hour or two; get a break away from the anxiety that ingrid gifted you. it can't be helped really. you love her and that won't change for a while. you refuse to make yourself move on faster just because the relationship was a bunch of nothing; the right to dwell or not belongs to you. nobody else can dictate if you should do it faster or slower. not even the words of ingrid in your head that you can imagine her saying.

why would you do this to me?

don't you love me?

you threw everything away..

that's the ingrid that exists in your mind. all her bad moments cloud over the happy ones. you wish it was different, but it isn't.

your lips curl up into a small smile as you look at the sunset. it's beautiful with the sky being a mix of orange, pink, and blue. you use to call ingrid your sunset because just like the sunset she's gorgeous, but is only there for a bit before leaving completely. it was an endearing nickname based off feelings of annoyance and love.

this time around, the sunset is not about ingrid to you. it's about this moment. you have finally left her for good and once that sun sets fully and the moon rises, you promise to yourself to close this chapter of your life. your focus is on taking care of yourself and moving on at your pace.

once you circle back around and reach your apartment, the sun has already set. your head is feeling more empty than from before you left. is this dissociation? or is this just the feelings leaving you right now? you don't really care about it at the moment as you slip off your shoes and jacket. going into your bedroom to go lay on one of the only pieces of furniture in your apartment.

no sheets (you have to go shopping tomorrow), just a pillow. just like the blank mattress, your life is now a blank canvas for you to paint any way you want. how freeing is that.

I TRY TO KEEP FROM LOSIN'

THE REST OF ME

I WORRY I WASTED THE BEST

OF ME ON YOU, BABY

YOU DON'T CARE

SAID, NOT TRYA BE A NUISANCE,

IT'S JUST URGENT

TRYA MAKE SENSE OF LOOSE CHANGE

GOT ME A WAR IN MY MIND

GOTTA LET GO OF WEIGHT, CAN'T

KEEP WHAT'S HOLDING ME

CHOOSE TO WATCH

WHILE THE WORLD BREAK UP

AND FALL ON ME

you have a long list of worries that you carry with you throughout the day; when are you going to finally set up a therapy appointment? when is the next time you're going to see ingrid? have you lost your mind? are you ruined forever?

before you ever got involved with ingrid, you never thought about these things. it wasn't until she started to treat you like shit that all these thoughts started to invade your mind. you hate her. that you know for certain.

the fear of being forever ruined makes you contact a therapist in your area and make an appointment. refusing to be stuck in a pitiful, constantly thinking about your ex state.

you are tired of letting yourself down again and again. the mistake of not leaving ingrid the moment she showed how toxic she could be was the first of many, but now it's different. you have to do this; get some help so all these feelings can be let out somewhere.

you deserve this; this is the start of your new beginning. it won't be tainted by ingrid this time, this is all about you.

the first therapy session was exhausting. not because your therapist, ms. wright, wasn't great. the complete opposite. she was so good that suddenly all the emotions that have been building up inside of you spilled out the moment she asked what's wrong?

the internal desire to just not tell anything and be difficult was strong; a bad habit you have to shake. it's hard when in the past every time you bought up an issue to ingrid she would dismiss and deflect from it, so you just stopped trying. now you have to learn how to communicate your feelings in a healthy manner again. that they aren't miniscule, but important aspects of your being.

in the first session it's a lot of crying and not being able to say what you wanted because the words wouldn't flow out of your mouth. but still ms. wright listens and takes in every word and lets you go at your pace; this is all about you and she lets you know it.

you leave out of the modern styled clinic building with a different feeling from before. the lack of emotional weight is so freeing you want to cry again, but you have already cried enough so no tears come out as you get into your car. still there is a fight within your mind as you drive that distracts you slightly. half of your mind is still feeling guilty for just up and leaving ingrid. the other half is reminding you that she technically left you first and not once, but over and over again. why are you expected to stay, but she is free to run away from you at any moment?

you reach your apartment building after a few minutes, pulling into the parking lot. the light breeze of the san diego evening makes you smile as you get out of the vehicle. walking into the building with a small smile on your face.

healing will be a long process, but you are willing to do it. you have already taken the first step, more than ingrid has ever done for you, so it's a start. the moment your head hits the pillow you're out. for the first time in months you sleep peacefully.

ALL THE WHILE, I'LL AWAIT MY

ARMORED FATE WITH A SMILE

STILL WANNA TRY, STILL BELIEVE

IN (GOOD DAYS)

GOOD DAYS, ALWAYS (GOOD DAYS)

ALWAYS INSIDE (ALWAYS IN MY MIND,

ALWAYS IN MY MIND, MIND)

GOOD DAY LIVING IN MY MIND

TELL ME I'M NOT MY FEARS, MY LIMITATIONS

I DISAPPEAR, IF YOU LET ME

FEELING LIKE (ON YOUR OWN)

FEELING LIKE JERICHO

FEELING LIKE JOB WHEN HE LOSE HIS SHIT

GOTTA HOLD MY OWN, MY CROSS TO BEAR ALONE, I

OOH, PAID A DEAL, WAY TO KILL THE MOOD

KNOW YOU LIKE THAT SHIT, YEAH, GROOVY BABY, BABY

HEAVY ON MY EMPTY MIND SHIT

you constantly have to remind yourself that healing is a process. one that takes time, energy, and willingness. that's so hard to remember on the nights where the only image in your mind is of ingrid every time she left you to dry. the endless times she refused to make you two's relationship work, the fear that always lingers in her eyes when you would open your apartment door to let her inside. the norwegian's biggest fear was someone "catching" you two. whatever that means because at the end of the day what you two were wasn't illegal. she just made it seem like it was. perhaps for ingrid, in her mind for herself, something like that is wrong; is illegal. in the court of the public, it was worthy of punishment is probably what she thought whenever you two kissed. whenever you two cuddled. whenever you two acted like any other couple, was ingrid worrying about how it would look to others?

oh, god and every word she has spoken to you is imprinted into your mind at this point.

you know i can't

if you loved me, you would wait

i swear i love you but i just can't..

ingrid always had a thousand excuses and a thousand more lies to cover up all her problems. it didn't matter if her actions heavily affected you because it was all about her and what she feared and what she needed. what about you? you weren't a fucking robot. fears and worries clung to your conscience too. there were needs that needed to be taken care of too. but did you run and deflect at every turn? no, you wanted to sit down and talk them out like a normal couple would. too bad nothing about you two's arrangement was normal. sneaking around like romeo and juliet wasn't as thrilling as it sounded. and just like those two, you two's story ended in death. ingrid was the first to stab it and you were the one to send another stab straight into it's heart. ripping it apart into shreds until it was unreadable.

however, those nights were just moments in your new life where the past got the better of you; and that's all they would be, moments. those haunting thoughts don't push you into a corner anymore like before. outside of therapy and those late nights, ingrid is the last thing in your mind.

being around your teammates at san diego wave lightens up your day so much. a group of goofballs who refuse to let you be sad for even a second. the times after practice when you all just decide to go to dinner make all the worry in your body leave. transferring from barcelona was possibly the best decision ever for you.

you would have probably isolated yourself back in spain, not wanting to be around ingrid anymore than you have to be.

outside of your teammates, there was something else making the move to the wave worth it; someone else. a pretty journalist who you met at an interview. she wasn't even the one who was interviewing you.

you have bumped into her while looking for the bathroom. saying a quick apology after realizing you bumped into a really pretty woman. she gives you a warm smile, "it's fine" comes from her lips. why do her words sound so satisfying? before you could completely gay panic, you excused yourself and eventually found the bathroom. suddenly feeling too shy to ask that pretty brunette about where to find it.

you thought that would be the end of it. one small interaction that you forget about after a while, but no. the universe for some reason was pushing you and this woman together. she became a regular journalist for the san diego wave. you come to find out her name is julianna; how gorgeous. even when you kept seeing her around, the reminder that you needed to heal and work on your trust issues was constant in the back of your mind. but you couldn't really help it, could you? eventually you started to spend more and more time around her whenever she came around to training or at games. being the first to volunteer for an interview after a good match. it was honestly sorta embarrassing; why were you feeling all giddy like a teenager again? still julianna was still so pretty and kind and many other positive adjectives that you could think of. the woman spoke with such a tone like she was deeply interested in whoever she was talking to. strong eye contact and always having something to say that would lead the conversation to be more interesting.

soon enough the time spent around her bled into spending time outside of soccer. you took the first step one day after asking her out for coffee after a short interview. julianna laughed softly as she asked, "is this a date?" the bashful smile on your lips answered her question. she said yes; leading to one of the best dates you have ever had.

you two spent a good hour at a cafe just talking. getting to know each other outside of y'all's work personalities. the conversation was so good, you two didn't want to end so julianna suggested going to a nearby board walk; and that's exactly what you two did.

sitting beside each other on a bench on the boardwalk, overlooking the ocean. talking for hours until the sun set. it took all the resolve inside of you to not invite her over to your place. you didn't want the date to end, but that was okay as you weren't going to let it be the last.

after dropping off julianna off at her house you headed back to your apartment. a light feeling in your chest as you changed into your pajamas before laying on the couch to find a show to watch. the moments from the date replaying in your mind. you couldn't believe you have been missing out on stuff like this for so long. with ingrid a simple date like that would have never happened. it was too risky because "what if someone sees us" was always her answer whenever you asked to go anywhere outside of your or her's apartment.

it seems like it will be another one of those nights where you think about ingrid. a soft sigh escapes your lips as you reminisce. nothing could ruin how good your day was, but these thoughts were definitely darkening it. you remember the first time you built up the courage to ask ingrid out on a date.

it was around new years, spain was electric with celebration. this was around the early stages of the relationship and still you two have never been out on a proper date; and that bothered you.

you thought it was just because of the busy schedule you both had. being too tired to do anything else but a few cuddles before bed or a hug after practice before going to your two separate apartments. so as you sit next to ingrid on your couch, cuddling up to her, you ask her; "shouldn't we go for dinner. to celebrate the new year?"

the way ingrid tensed up didn't go unnoticed. you look at her confused as she says, "how about we just stay in and cook? that's more romantic, right?" the words sounded forced like that option wasn't even that appealing in all honesty. just a cover up, so she didn't have to say what she actually wanted which was no.

that moment was one that stuck with you throughout the relationship. every lie, broken promise, and lack of attention weighed heavily on you. that should have been the first sign that ingrid was ready to be in a relationship with you, but no. out of pure blind love you moved past that and agreed.

now the fear that julianna might be the same way settles in your mind. she might not have said no to a date, but what about bigger commitments? would she run just like ingrid has.

a string of anger hangs in your heart; this is so unfair. even with ingrid not around she ruins your day in a way only she can. it was fucking frustrating, you wish you didn't have to deal with all the left over baggage she left you.

an annoyed sigh leaves your lips as the sound of all american plays in the background. you decide to push your feelings away and to just indulge in a night full of watching a meaningless tv show; wanting to get annoyed at the problems in the characters lives, not your own.

and that's exactly what you did. watching random shows back to back until you drifted off to sleep.

I GOTTA KEEP FROM LOSIN'

THE REST OF ME (LOSIN' THE REST OF ME)

STILL WORRY THAT I WASTED

THE BEST OF ME ON YOU, BABE

YOU DON'T CARE

SAID, NOT TRYNA BE A NUISANCE,

IT'S JUST URGENT (IT'S URGENT)

TRYNA MAKE SENSE OF LOOSE CHANGE

GOT ME A WAR IN MY MIND (MY MIND)

GOTTA LET GO OF WEIGHT,

CAN'T KEEP WHAT'S HOLDING ME

CHOOSE TO WATCH

WHILE THE WORLD BREAK UP AND FALL ON ME

ALL THE WHILE, I'LL AWAIT MY

ARMORED FATE WITH A SMILE

STILL WANNA TRY, STILL BELIEVE IN

(GOOD DAYS, GOOD DAYS ON MY MIND)

GOOD DAYS (GOOD DAYS ON MY MIND)

ALWAYS SUNNY INSIDE (ALWAYS IN

MY MIND, ALWAYS IN MY MIND, MIND)

GOOD DAY LIVING IN MY MIND

therapy was getting better. ms. wright knew the exact words to say and the exact ways to help you with your mental state. you have started to journal at her request, at first thinking it's slightly childish. writing down all your feelings like some type of diary? you left that in highschool ages ago, but somehow that method still works when it comes to your emotions. whenever your mind felt clouded with ingrid you would write your feelings out.

not only that, but you started to run. outside of your usual workout routine and the training sessions you had as a professional footballer, you never was one to be interested in exercise. most workouts were just ways for you to keep up your physic for games; nothing more. however, running was freeing. not only mentally but physically.

just like how ms. wright has said, mental stress weighs heavily on the body. causing tension and discomfort even though it's all mental. you knew this of course but never wanted to admit how your mental health has been causing your body to feel like it's tight enough to burst at any moment. in your mind it didn't make any sense, but ms. wright reassured you that it was natural. the mind and body are undeniably connected, one will always follow the other. anyways back to running, the feeling of your body being sore as you pant was exhilarating. your chest feeling so light after each run.

you take one in the morning and one at night. making sure not to miss the run at night because that's when your emotions always get the best of you.

not only did you work on finding healthy coping mechanisms to let out your emotions, but you worked on your trust issues.

the process was dreadful.

when people say the path to healing is linear, it's true. some days you felt like you could trust anyone with anything and on others you wished you could isolate yourself from the world so you wouldn't be hurt ever again.

your therapist was there at every step. guiding you and also sometimes letting you figure out some thoughts on your own.

"why do you think i couldn't just, you know, up and leave her?" you asked one day as you sit in front of ms. wright. the tall woman smiles at you. staying silent for a moment before saying, "why do you think so?"

getting a question back for your own questions makes you frown. how were you supposed to know? the whole reason you're in therapy was for your therapist to help you out, not make you figure out issues on your own. that was your mind process at first but after leaving the appointment, you really sorta understood why ms. wright didn't just give you some answer.

there are some things in life that only you know and can answer; this is one of them. you didn't want to sit around or even journal about the why. instead you go for a run. it was around time for your evening run anyways, so why now kill two birds with one stone?

the thoughts flow easily as you step out onto the trail. ready to go down your usual path. the why doesn't come immediately, but you think about your feelings for ingrid again.

it wasn't a lie to say that you loved ingrid. that you were in love with her. why else would you fight for her so badly? not even in just a romantic sense. before you two dated, you were obviously teammates and had a sorta close relationship. hanging out outside of practice with the other barcelona players often. talking about current shows and books that you both liked. it wasn't your fault that you fell in love with the friend version of ingrid. who would have thought she would be so different as a girlfriend?

perhaps that's why you clung on. you hoped, no, begged that that version of ingrid that you knew in the past would come back. that it was deep inside of her and just needed some pulling to come out. you just had to fight for it and throughout all that effort, it would appear. which wasn't true in the slightest. the ingrid from before wasn't the one you knew throughout that time where you two hid and snuck around; you should had known.

well, you just found your why. you smile as you finish your run, turning back around to walk to your car.

did you just realize you were chasing after someone who didn't exist, to you at least, anymore? yeah.

would this realization haunt you for the rest of your life? maybe so..

but still you felt lighter. not just physically, but mentally. the sun looked brighter as it set low in the sky.

god, how gorgeous life is when you aren't chasing after broken dreams. after something that doesn't and will never exist again.

why do you feel so free?

GOTTA GET RIGHT, TRYNA FREE

MY MIND BEFORE THE END OF THE WORLD

I DON'T MISS NO EX, I DON'T MISS NO TEXT

I CHOOSE NOT TO RESPOND

I DON'T REGRET, JUST PRETEND

SHIT NEVER HAPPENED

HALF OF US LAYIN' WASTE TO OUR YOUTH,

IS IN THE PRESENT

HALF OF US CHASIN' FOUNTAINS OF

YOUTH AND IT'S IN THE PRESENT NOW

ALWAYS IN MY MIND, ALWAYS IN MY MIND, MIND

YOU'VE BEEN MAKING ME FEEL LIKE I'M

ALWAYS IN MY MIND, ALWAYS IN MY MIND, MIND

you post julianna on your instagram after four months of being together. she has asked you after a nice dinner date that ended in a walk near the beach. you remember feeling so special, like a priority when she pulled you close by the waist. her hand gently caressing the skin that was exposed there. a warm look in her eyes as she smiles at you. "can i be your girlfriend?" the brunette asked. giggling once you just pulled her into a kiss. no words needed.

back to hard launching you two's relationship, it was a whole new feeling. a mix of uncertainty and happiness was floating around in your heart. what if julianna changed her mind? that she didn't want to publicly claim you? that would definitely drive you insane, but it was the complete opposite. julianna was fine with you posting a picture of you two; the picture is from one of the earlier dates y'all went on. you're holding her face as you kiss the tip of her nose. she's smiling, her hands holding onto your waist.

you could finally do normal couple things like post about cute dates and funny off guard photos and walk around in public while holding hands. there was no risk attached to it. no "we can't let them know" coming from julianna. she was happy to hold your hand and give you a small peck on the cheek while out. the lack of shame was refreshing.

the teasing comments from your teammates on how you charmed the team's journalist away were slightly annoying, but it was all in good fun.

life was truly looking up. your therapy sessions were centered around just ingrid based issues anymore, but others you have been needing help with. ms. wright was one stable support pillar in your life who consoled you for everything; especially the pressure from being a footballer in the limelight. san diego was really shaping up to be your home.

the day you heard about ingrid's new relationship was a day that you wish you could forget. it was a late saturday night, you had just got off a facetime call with julianna who was away in france for some press work. scrolling through instagram, seeing a post about ingrid and mapi dating on your feed. it wasn't some speculation post but one that was completely official. a photo that was obviously posted on one of their instagrams.

that single photo almost made you throw your phone against the wall.

after all the fighting and struggle.

all the begging and trying to help her face her fears.

all it took for ingrid to be open was for her to date someone else? that's all it was? so was it really just an "afraid of being open" thing or a you thing?

a sense of anger hits you. the audacity for her to move on after everything she put you through was laughable. of course you didn't expect her to sit around, crying over the relationship forever. that wasn't realistic or healthy, but you just didn't get it.

what was wrong with you? why couldn't she do that for you?

then came the rush of guilt; you had no reason to be angry. you had moved on, so why couldn't she? it was a double standard that you didn't want to touch on.

it took two hours of journaling to get your feelings sorted out. that sense of anger was just from feeling like this whole situation is unfair. ingrid refused to be public with you; claiming to be afraid, but pops out with mapi? you should be happy for her. that obviously means the norwegian went and got help like you always told her to. she had finally faced her fears.

but you are healing, not healed so you allow yourself to fully stick with your emotions. watching trashy rom coms while thinking about that post.

the next day, you slowly but surely got over it. once you talked to julianna in the morning your feelings were quite small about that lil reveal post. who cares if ingrid moves on? you have moved on too! this is for the best, so you shouldn't care so much about it. at least you wouldn't have to see her any time soon.

or so you thought.

you became a puma athlete only recently after your partnership with adidas ended. puma had the bigger offer, so you went ahead and signed the deal. the athletic brand wanted you to come to an event for their new campaign and you obviously didn't refuse. throwing on a gorgeous dress along with having julianna help you do your hair; keep cute giggles still in your mind as you sat at one of the tables in the large room.

there were many other athletes here, not just footballers. some you knew and others you didn't. it was nice to see players you haven't seen in forever. expect for one in particular.

you were daydreaming about what to do when you went back home. already about to grab your phone to text julianna when you looked up and saw her.

ingrid was sitting at a table across from yours; enjoying some pasta. she looked just the same as when you left her. just as pretty. hopefully not as toxic. your eyes must have been burning her hole through her as she finally looks up and sees you. her eyes dilating slightly as you two hold eye contract.

you're the first to break it. not being able to stand looking into her eyes for any longer. those same eyes that always held fear in them were different now. beside the opposite panic in the norwegian's eyes, there was something else. sprinkles of happiness in her eyes. the sound of a chair moving and steps passing your table snap you out of your thoughts.

ingrid was heading towards the bathroom. should you follow her or would that be weird? with how she looked back at you, maybe she had something to say. did you want to listen? you don't know, so you stand up and follow after her. of course letting a few minutes pass before following; no one could know, right?

once you walk into the bathroom you can hear the water running. ingrid is putting some water on her face. you had to say something to get her attention since she definitely didn't think you would go after her.

"i didn't expect to see you again," you say softly. she gives you a glance, obviously about to say something. the surprise that comes into your mind once she starts apologizing is hard hitting. you never thought she would apologize; that wasn't the type of closure you thought you would ever get.

hearing her apologize and put all the blame on her should be satisfying. finally should be sitting in your mind in bold letters, but it wasn't. after all the therapy and finding someone else, an apology wasn't something you wanted anymore.

"i don't forgive you," the words come out of your mouth easily. you never thought you would ever be able to say that to her; in the past you always ran to forgive her and just forget. not this time around. the small disappointment in her eyes makes you almost reconsider, but no. you have a right to not accept an apology. "but i'm glad you got help. finally," you say genuinely.

you two just stare at each other before you turn and leave out of the bathroom. not wanting to deal with the awkward silence anymore.

ingrid has done it; gave you the thing you needed and wanted from her. and you didn't even accept it.

why was that so freeing to do?

the apology wasn't the closure, being able to give ingrid the rejection and disappointment you experienced from her countless times before was the closure.

you're officially over ingrid engen.

#ingrid engen x reader #ingrid engen #woso x reader #woso fanfics #norwnt #barcelona femeni

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ystrike1 · 8 days

Text

Boss, Bxtch, Baby! - By Ichibu Saki (8/10)

Would you let someone lock you up for half a million dollars? You're not getting it for free. You have to follow extremely strict rules, and you have to stay inside a mansion allll day. For months on end. Hey! Put that pen down! Don't sign without reading the fine print! Being a pet isn't an easy job!

Hojin is a man who has given up. Family bonds are too complicated. He can't keep a man no matter how hard he tries. He's deep in debt because his brother betrayed him. He's a sweet and giving person.....because he's afraid of being alone.

The loan sharks find him. He thinks he'll die with nothing in life, but then a group of men in suits appears out of nowhere.

The group claims a VIP wants him, and said VIP is willing to pay off his debts.

Being rich and gay in Korea sucks. Especially when your family is mostly comprised of sociopaths. Yooseong had a very good time with Hojin, but he can't date right now. Inheriting the family business is his main priority, and the head of the family is scared of gay people.

He needs a pet lover. Someone literally willing to hide in a bunker and wait for him.

Yooseong totally doesn't have issues and he definitely doesn't get violent and possessive when he likes someone! Don't misunderstand! He just has to lock up Hojin to keep his family off his tail.

Hojin says no.

Yooseong snaps his fingers.

The suits hold Hojin down until he signs the paperwork.

One year. Debt clear. Total obedience.

Yooseong is way too controlling he is literally insane, but we gradually see why the heck he is the way he is.

Yooseong and Hojin are both deeply insecure in different ways.

Hojin falls in love first.

Yooseong was obsessed from the beginning, but Hojin is the first one to admit that living together with a stud kinda rocks.

Shocker Hojin has toxic attachment issues....but they're a different breed.

His father abused his mother, but he won her back with money. Then his mother regretted returning to her abusive husband. She left once more, and Hojin left with her.

Hojin learned that only kind people deserve love, and some mistakes can't be forgiven.

He's had many lovers, but they all leave him eventually.

He's a clingy people-pleaser who falls in love out of desperation...not love.

Yooseong doesn't trust him, but Hojin is so messed up that he doesn't understand how shallow his doting love is.

Yooseong enjoys it. They fall into twisted pleasure together.

Yooseong's annoying little brother is annoying because he's straight.

He was going to inherit the company, even though he's a moron, just because he's straight. Yooseong was passed over entirely because he was gay.

Lil bro does mess up on purpose so Yooseong can have the position he deserves but he's still a messy loser annoying short guy.

Yooseong's massive ego makes his family relationships....cold af.

Yooseong is insane so he beats up Hojins brother. The same brother that saddled him with debt.

Hojin never finds out because Yooseong learns that Hojin hates violent declarations of love, and he loves his horrible brother too much to ever see him again.

He wants to keep the good memories, but he can't interact with the man who sold him away.

Yooseong becomes even more unreasonable though, and he starts to become really unlikable as a person. He's a GREAT controlling yandere but Hojin is a nice guy with no family and not much to live for. It's hard not to feel bad for him when Yooseong treats him like an object.

This one is a mixed bag, but it's very tense and it can be funny.

#yandere #male yandere #yandere male #yandere boy #recommendations #recs #rec #recommended #webtoon #yaoi #Boss #Bxtch #Baby! - By Ichibu Saki (8/10)

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munv · 5 months

Text

𝗜𝗠𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗜𝗡 𝗘𝗦𝗖𝗔𝗧𝗦𝗬

𝗜𝗻 𝘄𝗵𝗶𝗰𝗵, 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗵𝗮𝗱 𝗱𝗶𝗲𝗱 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗿𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗰𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗼 𝗕𝗹𝘂𝗲 𝗟𝗼𝗰𝗸 𝗮𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗜𝘁𝗼𝘀𝗵𝗶 𝗦𝗶𝗯𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 𝗲𝗹𝗱𝗲𝗿 𝘀𝗶𝗯𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴, 𝗛𝗼𝘄 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗷𝗼𝘂𝗿𝗻𝗲𝘆 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗻𝗲𝘄 𝗹𝗶𝗳𝗲 𝘁𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂? 𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗴𝗼𝗮𝗹𝘀 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗶𝘁 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘁𝗼?

"Listen we're going to do this this easy way..or the hard way Sae." You towered over the small boy with irritation. "You either get in the shower, or we aren't having any steak..pick wisely." You continued to approach the boy step by step. For the second time today, he looked up at you with fear in his eyes, looking like he was ready to cry- wait, cry? "wait..sae are you..crying?"

You lowered your defense and crouched down to his level where the small boy was seemingly covering his face with his hands and shaking. This was bad. Really bad. You had no clue how to comfort children in your past life, and neither do you now.

"ah." you uttered out. Opening your arms you gestured for him to come closer. A good old hug calms them down..right? A hug usually calmed you down as a kid so this should be easy. The boy timidly approached you slowly and ended up with his head on your shoulder. Rubbing his back you started to talk in a softer voice. "I uh..didn't mean it" goddamnit you really do suck! but you didn't think to this extent!!.

Sae's head rose from your shoulder and you noticed something wrong. 'why isn't my shoulder wet?' Just then—

"RGEUWFFUHE WHAT THE HECK?!" a sharp pain spread out through your shoulder and before you knew it Sae had run off. Did that little shit just bite you?

A small chuckle escaped from your lips, slowly standing up your bangs had covered your eyes. "sae.." you uttered under your breath. "I hope you run fast enough you little bastard.."

"nee-san. i'm done." cracking open an eye, you looked amongst the bubbles in the tub to the other side. You managed to catch little Sae a few minutes ago and forced him to take a bath with you since your mom was the one who usually washed him. "soaking in the bubbles isn't washing Sae." The one thing you noticed about Sae, was that he was clueless about anything he didn't really take interest in. Ever since you both played soccer he would be asking you questions, yet anything else he couldn't give a flip of his small fingers about.

he pouted before glaring at you and then turned his head. Sigh.

"come here."

He perked up and looked at you. "why should I?" he shrunk farther back into the tub trying to avoid your gaze. "You either come over here or I'll do it myself."

"hmph".

A few minutes of pregnant silence went by before you felt a shift in the water under you. Making his way over to your side a small blush resided on his cheeks. "why're you facing away from me?". he muttered something in a small voice before facing you again. "what..what do I do now?" he sneered at you. Gently, you placed a hand on his head "Just lay back alright?" proportioning his body so his back could face your front, you started to wash his hair.

Without realizing it, Sae had relaxed his once tense shoulders in favor of leaning into his sister's touch. 'damn..his hair is soft..'

He was almost acting like..a cat..?

Taking the shampoo you squeezed some in your hand before rubbing it into his unruly hair. Causing him to let out a small sigh of relief. You took this opportunity to ask what had been burdening your mind for a while. "Hey, sae."

The small boy in front of you hummed in acknowledgment. "why do you keep following me? I mean— it's not exactly normal to wake up to your bed hair y'know." Sae knew this question was about to come up sooner or later. He was old enough to know his sister wasn't the type to beat around the bush, so he prepared an answer just for this situation.

"I like you, nee-san."

"what?'

This would be around the second time today he surprised you. "you always look cool and composed too. I want to be like nee-san." "sae.." you took his small face into your hands. "is that really you?" checking on both sides of his face in sudden suspicion. "Can't you see that I'm complimenting you?" he sneered

"ah. Seems like we've been in the tub for too long, are you running a fever?" "nee-san I'm going to hit you."

"There is the sae I know!" you teased. "..I hate you"

you let out a small giggle with a wide smile, "Love you too sae" You hugged his smaller figure in response.

ITOSHI OMAKE

It had been 15 minutes since you both exited the shower. 15 minutes since your mother last heard from her small children. "kemi, I'll call you back in a bit alright? mmh yes, I'll see if I can attend the wedding."

"sae! n/n! where are you two?" Rounding the corner she came across a..sight in the living room. Sae sat between your legs on the floor while you were on the couch blowdrying out his unruly hair. "It feels to hot nee-san." he whined (?) "just sit still and it won't feel as bad alright?" "hurry up.

"shut up."

It was weird to watch for the woman, both of her children who refused to interact like normal people. In the same room nonetheless, bonding? It made her think that they actually had a chance to make friends! Yeah, no. She was wrong.

"SAE. what did I tell you about biting." "nee-san was annoying me." You slapped the back of his head and the sound bounced off the walls. Just then a crunch was heard as well "DID YOU JUST BITE MY LEG?" "You hit me first." he replied nonchalantly.

"you're about to get a lot more than a slap if you don't sit still..." you muttered. "what was that? I thought I heard something I should have told okaasan."

"I'll give you my side of my strawberry shortcake" "kombucha?" "isn't that for your stomach?" he clung onto your leg with pleading eyes. "Salted kombucha tea. Please."

"ughh..fine. Just sit still"

"have I ever told you how much I love you nee-san?" You sighed. "just sit still brat."

'There's no way they're making friends..' she thought.

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blood-starved-beast · 1 month

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how would you interpret Maria hugging hunter in her visceral? i always thought of it as some sort of mockery from her

Sort of, but in the way that her whole fight is sort of a "mockery" of the concept of a dashing Heroic romance (In the Shakespearean sense of the term). Let me explain.

First, we have to understand Maria's character design in that she is of the bifauxnen archetype. The bifauxnen is a handsome, gentleman-ly type woman portraying all the traits we associate with a dashing hero: courageous, refined and sometimes aristocratic, and androgynous. She is the counterpart to the bishonen, the contrast to the more coarse Lad-ette. The most famous of this archetype of course is Lady Oscar from Rose of Versailles. She is essentially a Female Prince.

The Lady Maria reflects this design. Out of all the Hunters and Byrgenwerth crew, she is the one dressed to the Nines, wearing dashing Cainhurst fashion to something that is essentially nasty and wet and all the other things (the Hunt). She's wearing jewelry (the Lumenflower brooch) the cravat, the fact she curls her hair, the aristocratic looks and backstory (the fact that she's the Lady Maria, a Knight of Cainhurst Vileblood royalty), the fact that she was the one taking care of the Research patients and they worship her, etc. Her outfit fits along the lines of the Lady Oscars, Alucards, and so forth. The fact that she is the only one to realize the atrocity of her actions, to regret her actions and reject her calling as a Hunter, is so fucking introspective at the cost of noticing Gehrman's mania for example reads very much in line of a Romantic hero. She is presenting a Look and this Look says she is meant to come off as rich, handsome, and heroic as she's slaying monsters. At least, those are the visual cues the player is meant to read in that sense. And that is carried over into her actions.

Lady Maria fights the Hunter to "liberate [them] from [their] wild curiosity" - she is taking the role again, of the hero. The villain here, being that need for Insight and she is saving the Hunter from the call of blood. She then engages you a fight, a dance really, set to waltz - again, playing with those romantic hero tropes (assuming you don't parry her to death). The visceral attack therefore, plays into that fantasy. She treats you so gently cause of course you are the Victim enslaved by your thirst for knowledge, she is the romantic hero, mercy killing you with the sweet kiss of death. She steadies you as your now heartless body bleeds out onto the floorboards of the clocktower.

But like everything in Bloodborne, there is a catch you see. Cause the Lady Maria is not a hero in fact; she is a bloody coward.

Yes, Maria is the only member of the Byrgenwerth crew (and amongst the few Hunter in general) to make a dry stop + u-turn from the Hunt and the atrocities associated with that. But unlike someone like Djura, who at least is trying to be productive in his redemption, Maria runs from her mistakes. She casts Rakuyo into the Well and leaves. She joins the Research Hall and contributes to more atrocities there, but hey at least all the patients there love her right?? (😬) And when her brooding (or maybe insanity? who says she was immune to the Beast plague? Or Kos infecting her brain??) was too much for her, she takes her own life instead of you know, working to dismantle the systems - both the Research Hall and the Hunt itself. Her issues and her guilt - that is more important to her than actually helping or saving people. She the Lady Maria of the Astral Clocktower, Lord over nothing else but the reminder of her greatest failure. Both in life and in death.

Cause you see, her stopping the Hunter isn't really about saving them from their wild curiosity. The Fishing Hamlet is dead and gone. The effects are echoing throughout all of Yharnam in this day and age. Heck, the Hunter just came in from the Research Hall itself. It is well and truly Known, to prevent future atrocities of that scale, one has to know the events that led to those atrocities in the First Place. Lady Maria isn't helping you, isn't saving you from anything you already knew to begin with. She is, once again, trying to alleviate her own guilt and shame and trying to prevent others of knowing of that shame. So she tries to kill you. But you know, in a Heroic way. Hence why the whole fight is a sham and mockery.

She also hates your guts. I consider this to be tertiary canon at best, but the deleted lines has it so that she calls you insufferable, and baits you to kill her. She Does Not Actually Give a Shit About You. It cannot be more blatant than that. And how couldn't she? You make her recall her greatest shame, force her to break the last of her principles (no Vilebloodbending) so that your ass does not learn of what she's done. You also keep coming back, so you're a constant reminder that no matter what she does, her actions really do mean nothing, not before, and definitely not now.

Also she stares at you like this the whole fight if looks could kill well, you would be dead and not coming back (The way you ought to. Bastard. Stay dead already!! - Lady Maria, probably):

So yeah, she is mocking you with a oh so sweet kiss from the Handsome Hero type as she rips your heart out (breaking it) and kills you very dead. Cause fuck the Hunter specifically.

#lady maria of the astral clocktower #bloodborne #my meta #me shaking Maria: YOU ARE SO STINKY!!! RATTY BASTARD #Also there is something to be said about how she cries out to the Moon Presence like Gehrman does when she's killed #but she never actually Made Contact with Her #Crying out to a God who is Deaf to Her #as she's dragged to Kosm Hell where she belongs!!#so yeah

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alpaca-clouds · 17 days

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Travel is good, tourism isn't

I said in the blog yesterday, that I think travel is good, but tourism isn't. So, let me explain this. And I will put this here first: I am going to explain it on the example of Japan, because I know the most about what is happening there in terms of travel and tourism - and what issues arise from it.

See, I do think travelling to foreign places (whatever that means for you) is a good thing. Experiencing other cultures and interacting people who due to their culture have a very different outlook on life and the world is a good thing. Not only to move away from a certain worldview (which for white people tends to be an eurocentric one, and for Americans an US-centric one), it also fosters empathy to other people.

And I think of this dramatic thing especially when it comes to Americans travelling, who due to their lacking education system often do know jack shit about the rest of the world.

However: I do both think that the thing we right now call tourism does not really help, but actually does hinder this - and is harmful in many other ways.

Right now, foreign tourists are no longer allowed in Gion, the Geisha quarter of Kyoto. The reason for it is, that too many of them were fucking disrespectful. Some made photos of the Geisha without asking, some even touched the kimono and the hair of the Geisha. Some even got angry and started arguing, when people told them to not do this.

Especially when it comes to Kyoto I can think of a variet of other examples. People have carved their names into temples. People touched things that are not supposed to be touched (like idols). People otherwise behaved inappropriately, for example towards kannushi and mikos. Folks have bathed their feet in pools meant for ritual cleansing. There are a lot of examples of this.

And I think part of this goes back to two things. For one again eurocentrism and the way, that a lot of especially white folks to not perceive other cultures as real. But also, and maybe more importantly, the mindset that: "I have paid $1500 for this trip and I get to very well do what I want." The different culture in this mindset gets treated like a themepark, not as a place filled with real people, rather than performers there to enhance the tourist's experience.

Meanwhile the tourists generally are not really interested to interact with the other culture further than that. Which is also, why they tend to flock to the same few places, to all go make their own photo of the same place that a million people have photographed before - as compared to going exploring in a foreign place.

And in some cases - like Kyoto - this also leads to the fact that the local people often get pushed out of the places they actually live in.

A lot of people will often say: "Yeah, but it is great for their economy." Which... leaving my capitalism-hating-ideation aside for a moment... Well, actually it is not good and COVID showed us. Because it makes the economy totally depedent on tourism. In places that are heavily dependent on tourism, the sudden complete anihilation of tourism with the pandemic pushed those places further into a crisis than anywhere else. Heck, keeping it with Kyoto: Given a lot of folks had jobs related to the tourism industry and there were in fact not many other jobs, a lot of people found themselves forced to move away from Kyoto during the pandemic.

So while the entire "but economy" thing will seem true on a short term, it actually is not on the long term.

And that is without going into the environmental impact that comes from a lot of people flocking to certain places. This is shown especially in areas, where folks go for "nature", destroying nature while they do so. Because nature just cannot handle thousands upon thousands of people travelling through.

So, what do I mean with "travel, instead of tourism"? Well, frankly: Yes, you still go to other places. But - to keep with Japan - instead of going to Kyoto you might go to Morigushi or Beppo, and instead of touring from one temple and shrine to the next, you will just interact with the places and explore them. To actually experience them, rather than some preconscieved notion of what it is supposed to be. And you interact with the people.

And you learn. Because we all just need to learn about different people, different cultures and different places. Rather than just consuming them.

#travel #tourism #anti tourism #anti capitalism #fuck capitalism #eurocentrism #solarpunk #lunarpunk #philosophy #japan #kyoto #gion district

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archiveikemen · 12 hours

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i'm still working on the full translation so this is just a summary of ellis' story from the ongoing collection event on JP server.

remember in the event preview, ellis said something about his undies? yup? turns out it's not what you think.

slight nsfw ahead!

the story starts off with ellis and mc making out in mc's bedroom. when they paused the make-out session, mc casually commented that she smells cigarette smoke on ellis and said it must've rubbed off on him from jude.

ellis remains silent for a moment and mc noticed his eyes waver; but because it was so brief, she brushed it off as she could've saw it wrong. without saying anything else, ellis asks to continue with their smoochie session and they did.

the next day — jude, ellis, and mc were at victor's office to discuss their next mission. after the meeting, while still in victor's office, ellis suddenly tells mc that the underwear he was wearing that day was "very sexy". mc goes blank and then goes ".. WHAT!?". girlie froze on the spot to process her thoughts, which ellis commented that she looked cute like that.

mc spends a while wondering just what the heck does mens' sexy underwear even mean?????? she then asks jude if ellis had made any "strange purchases" lately, which jude was surprised to hear and then replies saying yeah he did. that just secured mc's guess that ellis bought.... yeah.

ellis tells mc that he'll show it to her after they get back from the mission. during the mission, all mc can think of is his underwear.

scene changes to the castle's dining room. mc is with liam and harrison. mc is, as expected, occupied with her thoughts about ellis' underwear. liam tells her that her tea has gone cold, and mc's like "ah... you're right. sorry, i got too carried away thinking about underwear", to which liam goes "... underwear?" with his signature surprised face sprite. and harrison's like "... you sure this is something for our ears to hear?" mc hurriedly clarifies that she wasn't thinking about her own underwear, but ellis'.

mc asks the two of them what they think is a possible reason for someone to purchase bold underwear. liam darling gives mc a proper answer, meanwhile our poor harry goes "i have now decided to disengage from this conversation". sooo fast forward all the talking.. tldr liam says that someone buying bold underwear could be to spice up their bedroom life with their lover, they think it's cute, it gets them in the mood, or other reasons.

liam notes that ellis isn't the type of guy to care about those things, so he could have bought it for mc. harrison adds that this could be one of ellis' "for mc's happiness" shenanigans. BUT mc clarifies again that the bold underwear in question is actually ELLIS' underwear. then harrison says "if this isn't about you, then it must be about ellis". liam agrees.

mc has come to a conclusion, which she thinks is a very obvious answer to her questions — ellis wants to spice up their bedroom life because he's unsatisfied.

she decides THAT'S the answer and heads to her room.

(fast forward)

ellis comes home from the mission and goes to mc's room. right after greeting him, mc asks about his underwear.

ellis: hehehe were you curious about it the whole time? okie then, wanna check?

ellis removes his belt and guides mc's hand to his pants, which she pulls off and to her DISAPPOINTMENT— "isn't this your usual underwear?".

ellis: yup. i lied to you about the sexy underwear.

kate: wha!? why????

ellis: when we were kissing last night, you said something about jude's smell rubbing off on me. i didn't like it that you thought about jude, even if it was just for a split second.

ellis: that's why i wanted to have my revenge by making sure i stay in your head all day.

mc apologises for misunderstanding, ellis says no don't apologise i should be sorry for being narrow minded and getting your hopes up.

mc: but jude said you made strange purchases recently...!

ellis: ...??? oh. alfons wanted that stuff.

ellis: sorry for lying to you. do you forgive me?

mc: i forgive you. .. but can you leave my room for sec?

ellis: are you angry at me? 🥺🥺🥺🥺

mc: no!! i, uh...

because mc genuinely thought ellis was unsatisfied with their bedroom life, she put on some racy underwear and now she wants to change back to her regular underwear.

ellis' like "i want to see. show me."

he pushes her onto the bed and you know what happens next. the xxx is off-screen.

#ikemen villains #ellis twilight

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leesjuicycalves · 1 month

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*Isn't he lovely?

As the first light of dawn seeped through the curtains of your room, illuminating a soft melancholic glow in it you shifted under the covers dreading on why you hadn’t draped them the previous night. The light was the last thing you wanted to see, really! Groaning in irritation and exhaustion you decided against your desires and left the bed in a freakishly slow pace only to be met with dizziness and drowsiness, the weight of your own body pulling you right back in bed as you fell with a soft thud. Okay, maybe having four bottles of beer alone in your dark room before bed wasn’t a good idea. With shaky hands you reach out for the glass of water that is dangerously sitting on your nightstand to parch your dry throat. Your body doesn’t give you a break even then, your head pounding hard like a relentless drumbeat. Yeah, drinking before bed was really not a smart idea. Well your month ago self would have told you that, but you caged her in. The current you doesn’t give a shit about the consequences of your actions and is sure you are gonna do the same again tonight, just like you’ve been doing for the past weeks. You lazily drag yourself downstairs kicking away the empty bottles of beer scattered on the floor so you can try and have breakfast. Keyword, try. Nothing tastes good to you anymore, nothing but beer and your little fried cashew nuts. That’s what you’ve been living on for the past month. Even as you scan your kitchen for something healthier, your hands automatically grab the last bag of cashews you have left and a bottle of beer in the fridge and you head over to the couch. Where you’ll be spending your day and then head right back upstairs to finish the last few bottles of beer you have.

There’s a crappy show playing on your TV that you don’t even remember playing the previous night, a woman, probably the main character, smiling to herself yapping something in her monologue about being content that she’s glad she has someone who could care for her, love her and cherish her. To be cared for, you didn’t know how that felt.

When the year began you thought you’d have your life fully under control. No storms, no emotional outbursts, just a smooth life and probably a happy one too. It begun like that actually, it began with you finding love, finding someone that could understand you. Having Minho in your life was as great as you’d have imagined; he was sweet, kind, hot and sexy. Basically the type of guys you were into. You had everything under control as the year began, smooth sailing and all, with Minho by your side. But then you started to feel overwhelmed, falling victim under the suffocating weight of expectations and obligations particularly from your mother who seemed to be short of lacking criticism in any sort of thing. She always had something to complain about, something to observe and put in her views and perspectives. One day it would be about how you don’t call them often anymore, or how you’ve been too much in social media; with the posts your uploading instead of working, and on the days she had that ‘mother attitude’ it would be to comment on how your boyfriend looks more like a fuckboy rather than a life partner and how you take care of him and the strangers in the city more than them.

But you did take care of them, you really did. From the day you got your first salary, your first paycheck. Heck you’ve been taking care of them ever since you realized how far your roles of the eldest daughter go. You always listened when she complained about how her business is not doing okay, about how she’s running low on sales stocks and about how stingy her husband is. Always listened when she said she had no sister figure in her life to share stuff with but now she can do that with her daughter. Always listened when she talked about how well your sisters were doing in college and high school. Always listened when she made comments on how fat or thin you’ve gotten. You always listened. Your dad, you were close with each other, had nothing much to complain about him. He was just an over achiever and too much of a planner perfectionist.

“You should have stayed back here Y/N instead of going to the city. That spot in that law firm my friend once offered me is still free. You could make a lot out of it, there’s nothing serious out there if you ask me. This was a sure bet job sweetie.” He had said one day through a phone call that was supposed to be you telling him the exciting news of how you won your first case in a while. He was the kind of person that always wanted things to go according to his plans.

Your sisters would call you day in and out, talking about their days in school. Saying how they wished they had so and so, how mom and dad are still as stingy as ever since you moved away from home. How their allowances got reduced. How they wished they were you and had the freedom to do whatever they wanted.

But did you even want to be you at this point? Everything was beginning to feel like it was too much, too little, not right. Maybe your dad was right, you should have stayed back with them and taken the offer he had given you since there were no more job offers for you that seemed to be coming up. Maybe your mom was also right, you don’t take care of them enough, you have to do more, you have to be more.

But when would they listen to you, when would they stand by what you chose for once, when would they appreciate what you’ve already done or at least tried to do even if it was just a little bit? When would they also listen to what you have to say? When would they take care of you in that way?

Sure you had Minho but he was also a man of his own before you, he also had a family that needed him, he also had stuff going on. You weren’t his 24 hour responsibility. Knowing how this overwhelming feeling felt made you not wanna dump it on someone else, you’d rather handle it on your own just as you’ve always done. And that’s exactly what you’ve been doing for the past month, handling your situation. You had had blacklisted your parents and sisters not wanting to hear from them anymore, just for the while, until you got your shit back together. Hidden yourself from the world since you basically hadn’t picked any calls from your friends or even Minho, not gone outside for the past weeks, not breathed in that fresh cool air from outside. You were under house arrest, by your own will. The only logical way for you to handle your situation.

The silence in your room strings you away from your thoughts, the TV is dead silent and the lights in the kitchen were off. Maybe there was a power surge or maybe it was just the fact that you hadn’t paid this month’s electricity bill. You couldn’t care less anyways since you found the dark way more comforting these days.

Your cashews are done, there’s nothing left in the package. Your beer is halfway done too and you have to pee but you don’t feel like getting up from the comfortable position you’re in on the couch. “Guess I’ll just have to if I don’t wanna ruin my couch,” again you move at a really slow pace heading for the bathroom to ease yourself.

“Darn it with the fucking lights,” is the first thing that slips from your mouth when you walk down the hallway back to the living room. You hear clanking noises coming from the kitchen and you are slightly shocked to find Minho standing in front of your kitchen sink wearing your lavender apron and doing you’re two weeks old or so dishes. He seemed to be too immersed in whatever he was doing to even notice your disheveled-self standing there, you take a quick glance at yourself and realize how pathetic you look in your baggy blue sweats, your stained t shirt and your tangled up dry and obviously dirty hair. You clear your throat in a low but audible voice and Minho turns to look at you only after he’s finished the washing the last dish in the sink. He stares at you for a whole minute without saying anything, the two of you awkwardly standing there in the kitchen area. He blinks once, twice, thrice then a couple of more times under the long bangs of his hair and mutters a hello which you return with a curt nod. He turns away from you and proceeds to move about in the kitchen. ‘It’s been that long?’ You think to yourself, you stare back at Minho. He grew his hair out, you’ve been away for so fucking long that he grew his hair out. You retrieve your eyes from him and decide to go back to the couch seeing that you had nothing to say to each other.

He cleaned the living room coffee table, in that short amount of time you went to the bathroom, he cleaned it all. The beer you had left earlier was no longer there and your empty nut bag was gone. You glance over at Minho in the kitchen and sigh, maybe the TV is working now that the lights are back on. You scroll the available channels and decide to stop at one that has its program read; Just for Laughs but youre too lost in youre thoughts once again to concentrate on what’s playing. Minho probably thinks you’re a loser, he probably thinks youre a burden. A dirty lazy burden that he has for a girlfriend who can’t even take care of herself alone. He probably wants to end things, you don’t deserve him. He needs better, he needs someone who can handle their shit in a mature way. You look down at your stained shirt once again and sigh. He definitely deserves better than this, better than you. You know you’ve inconvenienced his schedule by making him be here, he had better, important things to do. Why is he here in the first place?

Before your thoughts go on any further, you feel a presence loom over you and a delicious smell of freshly made food hits your nostrils.

“Eat this, you need it.” Minho says in a stern but soft voice handing you the bowl.

You don’t look up at him because you’re afraid you’ll cry when you do, so you just keep staring at your feet and shake your head no. You hear him sigh and it just makes your thoughts spiral the more. You see his feet move about and the in the next minute he is sitting on the floor and looking at you from below. You turn away quickly but not quick enough as he pulls your chin to face him again with a spoonful of his homemade meal in front of your mouth, he gives you a stern look and you have no choice but to open your mouth and take what he gives you. The both of you sit in silence for the next few minutes, the room only filled with the sound of you chewing and swallowing and the sounds of the spoon hitting the glass bowl every time Minho scoops another portion until you’ve completely emptied the bowl. He then gets up to get you glass of water and disappears upstairs leaving you alone with your thoughts again.

“Did you shower today?” Minho asks when he comes back down stairs a little sweat dripping from his forehead, is long bangs sticking to it and a plastic bag in his hands filled with your empty beer bottles. You timidly shake your head embarrassed of your state. He makes haste to dispose the bag and comes right back inside to lead you up to you room.

“I can bathe myself,” is what you tell Minho when you see him take his clothes off.

“I need a shower too. Am all sweaty from cleaning those smelly beer bottles,” he says, with no malice or disgust really, just a plain comment but you wince at that statement and only hum taking off your dirty outfit. You turn your back on him hoping he’s not looking at you. You’ve lost weight, your collar bone is more prominent, you don’t want him to see you like that he might get more disgusted; you think. You very slowly slide your sweats off your legs and squat by your bed to fold it even though it’s going in the hamper. Minho is still shuffling around the room probably putting a towel on. You want him to take a shower first and leave you alone in the bathroom to probably cry out the tears you’ve been holding back ever since he came to you today but he has other plans.

He comes right behind you and snatches the piece of clothing that is neatly folded and sitting still on your bed with your shaky fingers still pressing over it. He throws it into the hamper beside him.

“That’s no use, get up,” and you do while trying to cover up you’re naked self with the knee length towel you have on but Minho tosses it on the bed seeing no use of keeping it on. You both make it into the bathroom where the beautiful scent of lavender and vanilla engulfs your senses, the room aglow with soft candlelight casting and flickering shadows on the wall making it feel like a sanctuary of relaxation. You turn to face Minho who smiles at you softly and gestures you to step into the bathtub adorned with radiant jasmine petals floating delicately on the bubbled water. You sink into the lukewarm water and your shoulders instantly relax, you close your eyes and sigh in ease feeling a wave of tranquility wash over you. Something you haven’t felt in days. Minho lovingly stares at you by the bathroom door his eyes shimmering with happiness to see you at ease, his heart filling with satisfaction and pride. Your eyes shoot open when you feel the water move and Minho sits in front of you, his hands search yours under the water and he holds them tight fearing he might lose you if he lets go. His feline eyes stare into your soul telling you in every way how he missed you and how he loves you more than he has ever done anyone in his lifetime. His eyes tell you how important you are too him and how he wouldn’t know how to move on without you in his life, his touch speaks multitude of the depth of affection he has for you, the security he’s willing to offer you, that you crave for.

And you cage, completely crashing. Tears begin to violently flow from your eyes as tiny sobs escape your lips mumbling bits of ‘am sorry’ and ‘thank yous’ to him but he doesn’t let you cry quickly pressing his forehead onto yours as his thumbs wipe away the tears from your cheeks.

“No matter what, I’ll always be here. Waiting to take care of you to cherish you and keep you safe. I’ll carry your burdens for you no matter what, mmh?” He tells you softly and you can feel the truth in his voice, the firmness and dedication of his words. You cry harder, full on weeping on his bare chest and this time he decides to let you do so rubbing soothing circles on your back and gently stroking your hair occasionally pouring water on your back with the small of his hand. And after you’re done crying he kisses you so sweetly, so softly, as if you were a glass doll that would break if he were to press harder on your lips. He kisses the overwhelming feelings away, he kisses the stress away and erases the weight of the world, your worries and your fears. His kiss is another reassuring promise of comfort in the midst of your chaos. His lips brush against yours and the world seems to be on pause, there’s nothing more you feel at the moment apart from him, his warmth, his soft touch, his love.

Minho pulls you closer to him so that you are fully sitting on his lap under the jasmine bubbles, youre lips detach from his and he pecks your nose and flashes you a smile showing his two front bunny teeth and you mirror his smile feeling like a whole new person. He suddenly stands with you still in his arms but his grip on your thighs tighter than before and steps out of the tub whilst peppering soft kisses on all over your face eliciting giggles from you.

“Min, we’re wet don’t-” you try to protest as he lays you on your bed not willing to part his lips from your body.

“I missed you so much, let me take care of you,” he says in a husky voice his lips trailing lower and stopping at the bridge of your breasts to look up at you and you now see how his eyes are brazen with lust. Seeing that you had no oppositions to his current actions he went ahead and took one of your breasts in his mouth sucking and kissing all over, his front teeth lightly nibbling on your hardened nipple. His other hand delicately pinching your other nipple twisting and turning it between his thumb and index finger. His touch made you quite sensitive since it truly had been long since you felt him in this sense. You don’t get much time to relish in the feeling of his lips on your breasts as you feel his tongue glide past your tummy and stop just on top of your waist.

“So pretty,” he coos as his fingers spread your slick wet folds flicking at it now and then.

“M-min,” you breath out not really knowing what you want him to do, your brain completely fuzzy with lust and desires. But he knows exactly what you need and he gives you that. His tongues delves right into your leaking cunt and he licks and sucks like a starved man, which in true sense he was. Not being able to hear from you or see you for an entire month had made him worried sick out of his mind, he had missed you, had missed every aspect of you. And now that he had you, he would show you, he would make you feel how he’d missed you so much.

“So sweet love, so fucking sweet,” he mumbles against you and you cum instantly with a loud cry of his name, but that doesn’t make him stop. Minho continues to lap at your folds taking in every drop of your release making you squirm above him as you try to push his head away. “Sens-sensitive Minho. Mmmh,” you cry out and he only looks up when he’s sure he is done and had enough of you, for now.

“I love you, so much.” He speaks against your lips and kisses them more fervently tongue gliding over your lip asking for entrance and as soon you grant him that, he sucks on your tongue even harder. His hands don’t stay in one place, roaming your body, groping any piece of flesh that is able to fit in his hand. He has his hand on your breasts, your thighs, your tummy and your ass. Your hands too caress his soft firm chest and back, gripping the hairs on the back of his neck each time he sucks on your lips and tongue. They glide all over his body then your fingertips brush past his tip and he winces biting your tongue and the sound you make after that makes him harder than he already was.

“Baby, I need you. Fucking now,”

“Me too Min, please,” you say in a desperate whine now fully grabbing at the base of his crotch.

Minho was definitely gonna show you how much he missed you, savor every part of you, make you feel what you really were to him. Special and important, and he wanted to make sure that by the end of it all you knew. He quickly turned so that now you were above him, your folds grazing his thick pink leaking tip. As you were about to lower yourself on his waiting dick he spun you around so that your ass was facing him and you were directly looking into the floor length mirror in front of your bed.

“Min-Minho, lemme look at you. I wanna see you,” you say hesitantly as you try to get back to your previous position but Minho pushes you down and the tip of his shaft pokes at your hole. “F-fuck!”

“I want you to see how pretty you are and how you deserve to be taken care of. You need to see how I take care of you,” he says so calmly as if he isn’t sinking his cock into your tight wet cunt. You mewl at his words and grip on his thick thighs as he slides you down further into his cock, his gaze is intent on the scene before him. Your body is jerked forward so that your back is slightly arching and Minho gets a first row sit to how you are taking him so well.

“Fuck, youre so fucking tight,” he grunts as youre now completely on top of him. You on the other hand are struggling between keeping your vision away from the mirror and not screaming at the fullness of Minho. He then pulls you back softly by the back of your neck and you lay your head on his shoulder, mouth hanging open groaning in pure pleasure.

“Baby, open your eyes for me,” he coos right against your ears and you have no choice but to do so, you are met with the erotic sight of your naked body against his, his hands holding both your breasts and squeezing them promptly each time he thrusted into you.

“You….are perfect…and deserve to be taken care of,” he thrusts into you with a grunt, “You deserve the whole world and back and I’ll give you all that baby” he thrusts harder than the last time and you mewl biting your lower lip. His left hand leaves your breasts and comes to gently caress your folds.

“Let me hear you baby.” You moan out his name the minute he lightly pinches your clit and that encourages him to rub faster and thrust harder. With his right hand playing with your nipple, his left hand rubbing at your folds and his dick hitting all the right places in you there was no way you could last long and so you cum harder than you think you’ve ever done when with him. You come calling out his name and he encourages you to finish, still drawing circles at your lower lips, with little praises of ‘you did well’ and ‘you’re perfect’. He also immediately releases into you biting into the side of your neck then falling back on the bed with you still on top of him, he still holds you, embracing you and the moment you just shared.

He later carries you back to the bathroom and washes both of you off. He has you back to your old self again, giggling like a teenage girl that just discovered their first love. You are grateful for him, you really are and maybe you could handle things in a better way. You could handle your problems with Minho. He was the one to listen to you, to take care of you just as you did for everyone else. He was the one to make you feel like you were enough and so much more.

As you lay in your bed both cuddling against each other comfortable in each other’s warmth, Minho promises again to be there for you and to take care of you and you promise to tell him when it gets too much so you can get through it together.

“Minho,” you call him as sweetly as he would you.

“Mmmmh,”

“I love you more.”

#stray kids #skz imagines #stray kids x you #skz x y/n #lee know x y/n #lee know x reader #lee know smut #indie thoughts

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sukisheadlights · 5 months

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PROTECTIVE TENDANCIES!

tmrminho x wckd!oc

summary: she took care of him all these years in the maze. But will she be there for him when he needs her outside it?

story: maze runner masterlist

rory’s voice mail 🎧: Sooo I'm not that well versed in the lore (that is a sign for re-watch + re-read I know) either way I haven't made any mistakes as far as I'm aware of but incase I missed anything, let me know <3 love you, say it back!

SPOILERS AHEAD OBVIOUSLY

Sadira spins around in her chair as the dark blue light reflects off her glasses; before coming to an abrupt and screechy halt when she hears him yell through the computer screen. She quickly turns and looks over the multiple cctv screens around her in search of minho, until she finds him. Eventually. She messes around with some buttons around her until the 'griever' as the gladers called it, slows down. She sighs and leans against the chair having succesfully saved him the third time this week.

Sadira could confidentaly say that she was the youngest at w.c.k.d. She was 16. She could tell you alot of things, except for what she does in the abnormally technologically advanced building all day. There isn't exactly a job description for saving the asses of the friends you've made through a screen who don't know you even exist. Infact, that probably hinders the consistent experiements being thrown at these children who are her age, heck— some of them are even younger.

Sadira knows that the only reason she isn't in that maze is because she's the daughter of Dr. Ava Paige. I guess even being an adopted daughter has it's own advantages.

That's why she's so careful when she saves the lives of the gladers, if ava finds out both her and the reckless gladers she watched over are doomed. Boy this would be tough to explain if she met them in person, how would she even act around them? Thankfully she doesn't have to worry about that yet. Right?

When Ava turned her away and banished her from coming to w.c.k.d for 'safety reasons', Sadira was MORE than curious on what her 'mother' was hiding. So naturally, when she called her back urgently she ran through the multiple maze like hallways of the building in search of Ava like a mad woman. Maybe in her own way, w.c.k.d was her maze and cage too. just in a non-life threatening sense. for now.

She walks towards the prison cell looking holding room as she stands next to the woman she calls her mother not looking through the window just yet; she should have, maybe she could have ran instead of walking straight to her demise.

Instead she stared gaping mouth at the other girl who happened to step into her peripheral vision. "You remember teresa, yes?" Ava announced loudly, her words ringing colder than the white lights above their head. Sadira could only nod in response; who the hell was inside that room?

"Unfortunately my love, it would be unwise to get into details here. But teresa recently found her way back to w.c.k.d, back to us. And she has been working with us in your absence. It is with a full heart that I can tell you that you will be learning hands on how to talk to a test subject today. Do not worry child, rest assured, you will be safe." She spoke again as teresa walked away, her tone laced with something unfamiliar which, looking back— could have only been something poisonous. "Go on." she nudged again as Sadira walked into the plain white chamber which, looked even sadder from the inside.

She turned around as the door closed behind her and this, mystery inmate. Her heart dropped to her feet. It was him. He was here. Nonetheless, she approached slowly and sat down infront of him. He looked...Terrible.

"Hello," She said blandly, but internally she was nervous as ever. But if she showed it, Ava wouldn't let her talk to him again. How would she help him out then? She should probably slow down but the difference in his character was unsettling.

He didn't say anything in response and only watched her intently, or dazed. She remembered how his eyes looked in the maze, even if they were facing near death every second of the day. And then she noticed how dead they looked this very moment, when this was the one time in life he was truly protected. She looked towards the one-way mirror hoping she was looking directly at Ava. That's when he scoffed. "They can't save you in here."

She looked back at him, eyebrows raised and all. "What would I need saving from, Minho? You won't hurt me." She said confidentally, but not in the sense that she knew he wouldn't. Well, still in that sense but she only showed Ava what was on the surface. Confidence in the sense that she was hiding her fear.

Minho ofcourse, knows that even if he wanted to kill her this very second he would be unable to, considering the shitload of drugs he was put on. She's pretty, it's a shame she's on the wrong side of all of this, he thought.

"Don't wanna talk? that's alright. We'll get you to one of these days Minho. Time is on our side." the words spilled out of sadira's mouth leaving a bitter after-taste. she didn't like talking to him like this, but if she even let Ava catch on to the idea that sadira had...once grown fond of the boy infront of her? she would have lost her chance. for what exactly? she's not entirely sure herself.

silence engulfed the small white room as she watched the nervous bob of his adam's apple before promptly getting up and leaving.

That night, without much shock. She was kidnapped. "Oh, it's just you lot." she said calmly, looking at the faces of thomas, frypan, newt, and gally. All the idiots she saved multiple times. Well, except for frypan— he was always a sweetheart.

The point is, she wasn't intimidated. Instead she laughed when they tried to threaten her. Then, she asked them to untie her and much to everyone's surprise, they obliged.

Not wanting to leave them high and dry Sadira explained everything to them. How she saved their lives, How she knew them, How she saw teresa, And about how she spoke to Minho. She then warned them that as a 16 year old saving them to those small extents was all she could have done and that it would be unwise to redirect their anger from w.c.k.d to her simply because she knew.

She also agreed to get minho out, but that was a given. The only condition she set down was freedom from Dr. Ava Paige. Who she had the displeasure of calling her mother. They sat on the floor that night and all the gladers and Sadira in unison decided the best plan to get minho out of that hellhole. And they settled.

On Gameday, Sadira offered to walk with Janson and pointed out how something looked suspicious with teresa and her guards. Inevitablly, Janson approached the disguised gladers and it was there that they grabbed her as she sneakily snatched janson's all building access card. She was with them under the ruse of a hostage, just so that Ava doesn't get suspicious and look too closely.

When they found out Minho was moved, it was only because of Sadira and another test subject that they could pinpoint Minho's exact location.

However, she should have probably thought to warn him in some way that she was on their side. Maybe then Minho wouldn't have mistakened her for the enemy and slammed her into the wall once they did find him. ouch.

The escape after that was mostly smooth sailing, there were no losses and only minor setbacks. But those don't matter enough to be mentioned here. [Authors Note: I didn't have it in me to kill off newt so don't blame me] Ofcourse, Sadira almost dying while protecting minho doesn't fall under minor setbacks but she would have done that for any glader.

When she woke up in the 'refugee' a few days later, minho was the first person she spoke to. The conversation flowed much more smoothly when her formerly alive mother (that was fun to find out) wasn't watching over them, she joked. And he laughed. And she thought it was the most beautiful thing in the world. So she made him do it again, and again, and again. Until she finally realised she couldn't get enough of it.

They moved fast. From touches, to kisses, to something more. But it was never in the sense that it was too much to handle, Instead it was in the sense that they had waited too long for each other and that they were desperate for this. Needy, even. Which was insane considering he barely knew her. Oh well.

First Kisses and First loves are obviously difficult post-apocalypse but hey, atleast it makes one hell of a story.

#minho tmr #minho tmr x reader #tmr minho #minho #the maze runner #tmr thomas #the scorch trials #the death cure #newt tmr #newtmas #newt x reader #minho the maze runner #minho x reader #thomas tmr #sukisheadlights

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vikkirosko · 11 months

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Hi, enjoy reading your writing every single day. If it isn't too much can I ask for heck cannons, with Glam, Chive, and Dee reacting to finding out that their fem s/o is pregnant. How would they react? What would they do when s/o is dealing with morning sickness? How would they react to feeling the baby? And how would they react to seeing the small baby bump for the first? Sorry if I overdid it I'm just really curious and Metal Family is one of my favorite animated series.

Headcanons Pregnancy

💖 Glam x fem!Reader 🎸

Glam has always taken family planning seriously. He was in no hurry to propose to you, and even more so to have children. He didn't tell you, but secretly he was afraid that he would become like his father. The last thing Glam wanted for his children was such a future. But when you told him that you were pregnant, he was happy. He had never imagined this moment before, but he was genuinely happy that you two would have a baby

Glam took this issue very seriously. He started studying books about pregnancy and also looking for a home for you. The term of your pregnancy was still quite small, so you had time to prepare for everything, but pretty quickly the first signs of pregnancy began and nausea became the main one. You started to feel sick even from the smells of food that you usually liked. Glam cooked healthy food for you and made sure that you ate well and followed the regime

When your pregnancy period became a little longer, you got a small tummy. It was as if it was proof that the fact that you were expecting a baby was not a dream. Every time he put his palm on your stomach, he felt sincere happiness. He never thought that expecting a child would be such a joyful and exciting event in his life. You were preparing for the birth of a child together, buying everything you need and preparing a nursery in your new home

The closer the day when you were supposed to give birth became, the more he was sure that you would have absolutely nothing like it was in his childhood. He intended to be a better father than his father was. He wanted to make you and your child happy, so that you didn't need anything and that you had the best of everything

📚 Dee x fem!Reader 📱

You and Dee have never thought about children. You were about to graduate from high school and go to university and you both thought to focus on this, but your plans went to waste when you, clearly excited, told me that you were pregnant. You were practically panicking about it. You were afraid of what Dee might say, you had no idea how to tell your parents about it and you didn't know what to do, so Dee hurried to calm you down. He wasn't going to break up your relationship, especially now that you were pregnant

You sat together for a long time and discussed your plan of action. You understood that hiding your pregnancy would not work for too long, but Dee firmly decided that he would take responsibility and that together you would be able to combine studying and raising a child. You have been thinking for a long time about how to tell your parents about this, but your body itself reported it when you started toxicosis. Your parents were shocked that you were pregnant, and only the fact that the father of the child was Dee calmed them a little, because they knew Dee as a smart and responsible guy whom you loved and who loved you

Right after graduation, you bought an apartment. You had savings and your parents added money to you and now you could prepare for replenishment. When you got a little tummy, Dee was ready to cry. He would never admit to you that your pregnancy caused him so many emotions, but you yourself saw how his expression changed when you looked at your little tummy in the morning

You and Dee had a lot of difficulties ahead of you that you had to overcome together. You had no idea how you needed to raise a child and how to combine it with studying, but you were not going to stop. You were scared, and even though he didn't admit it, Dee was scared too. But you were sure that together you could handle everything

🧄 Chive x fem!Reader 🎸

You and Chive have been together for a long time and there has never been a conversation about children between you. It seemed like something far away than something that could happen to someone else, but not to you. However, when you started to feel sick often, Chive joked that you were pregnant. You both took it as a joke until you took a pregnancy test and it turned out that you were really pregnant. You were both surprised, but Chive quickly changed from surprise to joy. Even though your pregnancy was not planned, but you were still happy

You and Chive didn't really know how to raise children, but you had a home and a job and you could provide your unborn baby with everything necessary. He tried to help you cope with nausea as well as with a hangover, but this method did not work very well, so we had to look for new methods. When you went to the hospital together, they looked at you askance, as if you were guilty of something, but you didn't pay attention to their looks. Sometimes passersby also looked askance at you, but you didn't care about it

Gradually, the duration of your pregnancy has become longer and you have a small tummy. Chive began to touch your tummy often and smile. Then he started talking to the baby in your tummy. You laughed softly, saying that your baby was still too young and couldn't hear him, but Chive kept talking, and when Glam visited you, he proudly told his best friend that you were expecting a baby

You and Chive weren't model parents, but he was going to be the best father for your child. He remembered his childhood well, he remembered his mother who was often drunk and with whom he often quarreled, so he wanted your child to never experience what he himself experienced at the time

#Metal Family #Metal Family x Reader #Metal Family headcanons #Glam #Glam x Reader #Dee #Dee x Reader #Chive #Chive x Reader

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