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k-hotchoisan · 10 months

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Soaking wet (San x fem!reader)

Synopsis: Soaking in the water festival, both literally and physically, you find your eyes trailing to a certain red haired man, completely drenched, his tank sticking to his skin like a tease. The festival isn’t the only thing that’s gonna be wet.

Genre: smut, fluff, San is performing, the both of you are wet, sexual tension (kinda!), reader is playful

Warnings: penetration, cumming, masturbation, heavy petting, slight hair tugging (san is the one getting his hair tugged🌶️), unprotected sex (PLEASE USE CONDOMS <3), cream pie, riding

Word count: 3.7K

A/n: no one drives me as insane as Choi san… my brain has rotted even more ever since waterbomb and I can’t stop fucking thinking about him

You navigate against the crowd, your hand linking with your friend’s, who is babbling about being excited that they could finally attend face-to-face events after a long while. You smile as you continue threading the crowd, a strange glimmer of excitement and anxiety flicking in you because you knew he would be there.

Water festivals are fun in their own way, once you let yourself get drenched and just enjoyed the music beating in your ears. You weren’t letting San dominate you of course. You had your own white shirt on with a bikini top and sweat shorts for easier manoeuvring, especially through the thick crowd. Whether or not you’ll get sprayed—is another matter entirely, and whether that will capture San’s attention as well. But the main point was, you weren’t gonna let San get a rouse out of you.

Bubble Pop blasts on the speakers and you silently cheer in delight at such a fun song. Definitely a summer classic. The water guns continuously drenches the crowd, including you but all you care about was feeling Hyuna’s music from head to toe. You didn’t know where San and his buddies were but not that it should matter—nothing was going on between you and the idol anyway. You comb your wet hair back, shaking it to let the excess water out. You are wet, but not drenched, yet. The fun was just getting started. Your friend whispers something in your ear—something about getting drinks for you. You smile at her and gently take the drink she offers you—a non-alcoholic one. It’s too early to get wasted. After having more talks and giggling with your friend, she suddenly squeals and you whip your head to the stage. Ah, another band is performing on stage. And it’s exactly who you think it is.

Choi San’s shirt clings onto his skin, pulling taut against chest, his nipples just peaking beneath the sheer fabric, teasing your eyes. You glance up and down at him, swallowing every single part of San with your eyes like a full course meal, forcing yourself to show as minimal reaction as possible. Seonghwa told you that San’s outfit was safe but dangerous—whatever the fuck that even meant. Dangerous is an understatement—San looks deadly. He had removed his hat and hung it on his ripped, baggy jeans, sweat and water just trickling down his temple to his jaw, down his throat, and sinking into the sheer ass fabric clinging onto dear life on his skin. Before you realise it, San catches your eye, and his lips curl into a smirk as he continues to pour and drench himself with another bottle of water. You swore to yourself that you’d never let him have the satisfaction that San just crawled into the crevices of your mind like a parasite. Fuck. Your eye contact meets his, determined not to lose this round. This only seems to rile him up a little more and he cuts the eye contact shortly after, going off to the other side of the stage. You exhale, combing your wet hair back again, feeling like you went through the most intense battle for some reason.

Just then Seonghwa walks over and meets your eyes, flashing a small smile. He, too, looks absolutely delectable—his white turtleneck drenched, pressing against his skin and a whole line of zipper just censoring his nipples at the perfect spot. What a fucking tease. He glances at San who catches his gaze before turning back to you, his hand on the water cannon. Before you know it, it sprays and absolutely drenches you. Your friend squeals and has her arm up with her drink in surprise. The white tank presses onto your skin and while you were wearing a bikini top, it somehow looked even sinful since now your chest was becoming more visible. You push your completely drenched hair back and your eyes search for Seonghwa on the stage. He’s obviously left the scene of the crime, whispering to San about something as San passes him. San’s gaze turns to you, and his expression unreadable as he lingers on you. You stare back and smile innocently. This felt bad for some reason, and you weren’t even the one who insinuated it.

The band finishes their set and you excuse yourself, threading yourself back out of the crowd. Your friend follows you out for a quick breather as well. “Toilet” she says. “I’ll call you when I’m done.”

You nod as you watch her disappear into the distance. You walk the opposite direction, pulling out your phone from your mini shoulder bag. You reach to a more isolated area in the festival. The music was still beating pretty loudly in your ears and you comb your hair back again, getting the wet strands from your face to check your phone. A presence appears in front of you and you look up. San is staring down at you. Up close, he looks even more heavenly, his expression still unreadable.

He breaks into a small smile. “Damn. Seonghwa really got you huh.”

“What brings you here, San?” You ask, locking your phone and crossing your arms. You’re not sure if your heartbeat is accelerating from the music or because San is standing before you.

“Saw you in the crowd. Didn’t expect you to be here”, San says as he leans towards you.

“Of course. Came here to see Hwa”, you mention, pressing your bottom lip with your left index finger, tilting your head a little, your eyes feign playing dumb as your gaze flicker from San’s to somewhere else. You hear San take a breath, sounding irritated. You peek at your peripheral vision and oh boy, you definitely pushed a button or two in San. Such a gullible man.

“Right, that totally seems like that case.” You both know that’s a lie. The both of you were like playing some kind of cat and mouse game ever since the accident of when you ended up making out with San at a pub in your drunken stupor as a dare from one your friends. What you didn’t realise was that he was from a rising boy band at the time and you ended up befriending the four out of eight boys who were at the scene—including Seonghwa. But you were obviously attracted to San. Obviously. And you would never let him know. The only problem was that the kiss had you hooked. He was way too good at it. The way he pushed himself to you as your lips locked. The way he had combed your hair back during the kiss. The way he had you cornered.

Just like right now.

“Do you want to go find him?” San asks after a moment of silence. You can’t identify if he was being sarcastic or genuine but you decide to play along. “Why not? I’m giving him a piece of my mind for drenching me like this”, you reply, tugging the collar of the tank top, and San’s eyes fall right onto your chest. Oh dear. You forgot about that.

San smiles and puts his hand out for you to take, and you do. “Won’t you get swarmed by fans walking out in the open like this?” He shakes his head. “We got a staff shortcut.”

His grip was firm yet gentle, as if he didn’t want to let you go, not yet. Your heart continuously beats, and you worry that San could hear it at any point of time now.

The both of you reach a more quiet and isolated space at the festival, in front of a trailer. It probably is the band’s trailer. San unlocks the door and invites you in.

Of course, Seonghwa wasn’t there. You already knew. He obviously was not going to let you meet Seonghwa. You hear the sound of the door being closed and locked. Instead of panicking, you turn to the couch and sit, making yourself comfortable. “Where’s Hwa?” You provoke. San only inches closer. There’s a glint of guilt that flashes in his eyes for a moment.

“I lied. I’m sorry” He admits, as he brushes his hair back. “Do you really like him that much?” Fuck, he’s so cute when he’s soft like that.

“What if I say I do?”

An expression of hurt flashes across his face for a moment. Or was it jealousy?

He pouts, and it sends your heart into a spiral. Was he the same dude drenched and smirking on stage like 15 minutes ago?

“Really?” He confirms, stepping closer. You feel your breath hitch.

“No”, you plaster a smile, “I lied too”

This automatically puts a smile on San’s face. His hair was partially dried, so was his tank. It was still damp and the fabric still clings onto his chest. You swallow. Not to mention up close and personal.

“Hey y/n, I couldn’t stop thinking about you ever since the pub” and that leaves your face flushing. The only thing that flashes through your mind was how fucking good he feels in your mouth. “You tasted so unforgettable.”

“Can we go further than that?” He pursues, this time right in front of you. He tilts in, trying to close the distance between the both of you. But at that moment, the couch suddenly vibrates. The both of you jump at the sensation. You crawl to the position of where you phone (which was in your bag) was lying, and San stays put at where he’s at, his gaze following your movements.

You pull out your phone from your bag, and the phone lights up with your friend’s caller ID. You look up at San. “Excuse me for a moment”, you say and put the phone up to your ear as you slide to answer. Your friend asks you where are you, and that she’s out of the toilet.

“I’m…in the middle of something”, you reply, your eyes darting to San, who’s staring at you intently. “I’ll call you when I’m done. Enjoy the rest of the festival!” Your friend laughs and replies with an “okay!” before hanging up. You lower your phone from your ear and stuff it back into your bag. The moment you turn your head, San closes the distance between the both of you, hungry and needy. His lips pressing yours, gently pushing his tongue in to part your lips.

There it is—this feeling of fireworks just going off in your head when he kisses you like that. You almost go giddy as you feel your lower abdomen flutter in pleasure. Fuck this feels so good. You intertwine your fingers against his bright red locks of hair and tug a little in case you fall somewhere. This only elicits a soft moan out of San, and pulls back for a moment, his lips now red and swollen from kissing you hard. His eyes look slightly glazed and you can’t imagine how you are looking—you just know you want him to start fucking you right about now. He leans his head towards your neck and starts peppering your neck with kisses, sending jolts down your spine, and your pussy. Goosebumps scatter throughout your skin as you felt something loosen—your bikini top. The clothing piece falls limply as the knot gets undone by San, and with a swift motion, he tugs the bikini top by the string and down it goes, removed from beneath your shirt. You feel the tank top fabric stick to your nipples and the sensation makes you gasp a little. San only continues to trail his kisses down to your tits and when he gets there, he lifts the hem of your top up, letting it cling to the skin above your tits, and then sucks delicately on your right nipple. This only pools the area between your legs.

“Fuck.. San..” you barely manage out. San brings up his other hand and pinches your left nipple. Your hand goes to his hair and you tug again—this time from the pleasure jolting right between your legs. San moans again. He removes his lips and switches over to the left nipple. This pushes out a moan on your end. Oh my god, his tongue feels so good.

You continue to brush his hair back in pleasure as he licks and sucks in your nipple like some kind of candy. Suddenly he removes his hands and lips entirely, leaving you gasping at the lack of touch.

“Remove your sandals” San instructs, and you kick them off easily. He shifts his position so that you’re seated on his lap, straddling him, and that’s when you realise his hard on just pressing against your pussy. That just excites you even more.

San smoothes his palms up and down you—from your chest—not forgetting to play with your nipples—all the way to your thighs—dangerously close to your cunt. “So what do you want me to do, y/n?”, he asks, almost in a whisper, since his face is so close to yours.

Your eyes gaze to his damp shirt and you brush your hands against his nipples. San whimpers in surprise, and you feel his cock harden even more beneath you. His eyes open slightly as his head tilts back a little. “Do you like teasing me that much?”

You smile in reply. “I can’t help it if every part of you is fuckable.” And that kind of snaps something in San. He goes in for another needy kiss and this time your tits rub against his chest through the thin and wet fabric, causing you to moan in between kisses. You also start to grind your hips against his, desperate for some skin.

San pauses the make out session, leaving you half lidded and breathing heavily. It was starting to be difficult to cling onto any sense of sanity left. You feel him reaching for his pants and unbuckling, he’s acting like he’s doing it steadily but it’s evident that he’s rushing to let his cock spring out. Another hand slides to your pussy, and he pushes the sweat shorts aside, along with your panties—right to your clit.

“Fuck, you’re so wet already y/n” he breathes out. “I can’t wait to fuck you”. He bites his lip as he rubs your clit. His other hand grabs yours and has you rub him off—his cock at a significant length, but more on the girthy side. How the hell is that gonna fit in you.

He continues to rub your clit in slow, circular motions and you could barely focus on pumping San out. Each flick felt like a tickle that only thinned your sanity even more, the jolts of pleasure coming in non-stop. “…so good” you barely manage out. “Keep doing that San”.

The knot in your stomach tugs from the pleasure and you feel it building rapidly. You are definitely not going to survive this. It feels like fucking heaven. San continues to kiss your neck and suck on your skin, littering your shoulders with faint, red marks, adding into the pleasure even more. He continues to encourage you to keep up moaning, because it’s making him feel amazing too and whatever else. You were feeling too good to process his sweet nothings.

That was when you feel your climax reaching. Your legs trembling slightly as San’s fingers brushed against your nub once more, the feeling growing more intense by the second.

“Ah fuck-“you cry out. “S-san-“ All he does is continue to flick your clit. By now you let go of his cock because your focus was out of the window, only staring right into San’s gorgeous eyes, half lidded as he wraps his fingers around your neck. Oh fuck. You feel it building.

“San, I’m coming-“you whine, over and over as your body shakes in pleasure, your eyes rolling back as San now presses against your clit, sending even more shockwaves through your system. He lets your ride out your orgasm.

“You look so pretty when you come”, San whispers as he removes his hand from your name and combs back your hair. “We’re not done yet though.” Before you could reply, he pushes the fabric of your pants and panties further to the side, taking your hand and having you hold the pants to the side, your pussy exposed even more. It doesn’t take you long to realise what he’s trying to do and you start taking action. Lifting your hips up, your free hand holds San’s cock as you line up to your entrance, and then you push down, taking him in instantly.

FUCK. The pleasure jolts in you so much and you wonder if you can keep your eyes open as he fucks you. The overstimulation felt so amazing. His cock is buried deep inside you and it feels so fucking full. San gasps as well, his eyes squeezed shut. “Fuck, y/n, you feel so good, squeezing me out like this”, he whimpers. You crash your lips into his, and he hungrily devours you. His moans mixed with yours as you start moving slowly, starting at a slow pace.

Moans start to fill the trailer, so do the sounds of wet skin slapping. Every time you ride and lift your pussy off his cock, you cry out in pleasure, only for San to slam you down, balls deep in you again. You lean in to his shoulder and kiss his neck in an effort to hold back your moans. His hands reach for your ass and he slaps it, the sound bouncing off the walls, and you jumping before sinking right back into his dick.

“You take me so well”, he whispers in your ear. “I can’t wait to start fucking you everywhere. Then you’ll be only thinking of me”. His possessiveness only turning you on a little more.

Just then, the door suddenly knocks. The both of you freeze for a moment. The tapping continues. “San, are you there? Manager needs us in fifteen.”

It was Seonghwa. San suddenly lifts you off his lap and cock before turning you over to face the door. Your heartbeat quickens. What the hell is he trying to do? Before you could protest, he slips his cock right back into you, and you go limp, falling back to his chest and head supported by his shoulders. He fucks you with your legs open like that. “There he is, your little crush. If he has the key and unlocks the door, he’s gonna see you like this. What would Hwa think?” San presses. He’d think you were a whore, being fucked out, balls deep by Choi San.

“He’s not my crush. You are. I love how fuck me like this”, you cry out softly, still bouncing off his cock. You don’t know what washed over you to confess that but it already slipped out. San pauses for a second, and you feel him smile, you also feel his cock grow in your pussy. “Yeah sure! I’ll be there!” San strains. The footsteps shuffle away, and your heartbeat starts to slow down.

“Really?” San asks, both of his hands flicking your nipples. Fuck, you can’t answer, not like this. “Yes. San, please, don’t stop” you confirm. San bites your ear gently as he pounds into you. God, your face must be looking so fucked and glazed over.

You feel his movements getting erratic and sloppier. “I’m close”, he exhales. His hands travel down to your thighs as he strokes them gently.

“Please”, you whine. “You can release in me”. And that snaps whatever sanity San had left as he fucks right into you and paints your insides with his cum. He keeps moaning in your ears about how good your pussy feels, how he’s going insane. He slowly pulls out and shudders at the overstimulation from emptying out in you. Cum trickles down your pussy and that sight almost made him hard again. Almost.

San puts you aside as he reaches out for a box of tissues to clean yourself up with. He also reaches out to clean your pussy up when he’s done wiping down his dick.

“Are you okay? Does it hurt?” San asks, stroking your head. You shake your head as you hand him the used tissues. He lifts up your shirt, which makes you squeal in surprise.

“Hold your shirt up. I’m tying your top back on,” he assures. He fits bikini over your chest and knots the string to tighten it. The butterflies are back in your stomach as you feel his touch. He walks over to the bin and throws the tissues and washes his hands over at the sink. You follow him over and wrap your arms around his waist, which takes him by surprise. “I’m still pretty soaked you know” he says. You laugh, snuggling against his back even more.

“Will I see you again?” you ask, reluctant to let go. You know it would be difficult because he was an idol, and you were just someone else. He lifts your arms off him, turns around, and fits your arms around his waist again, this time facing you. He just looks so fucking good from every angle. He could put the Greek Gods to shame.

San smiles at you and presses a soft kiss onto your forehead, you completely melt under his touch. “I might be a little busy because of scheduling but during my pockets of free time, I’ll find you.” He takes your hand towards the trailer door. He unlocks the door and pushes it ajar, checking if the coast is clear. He pushes the door wider, and you follow him. The both of you walk hand in hand for awhile until he lets go.

“I’ll be off first. See you around y/n. That was an amazing time with you”, he smiles, and you see a tint of pink colouring across his tanned skin. You take his hand and kiss his palm. “See you”, you reply. He pulls you into a hug and your heart flutters again. Another kiss planted on your forehead and he waves goodbye before disappearing.

Oh dear. Looks like you’re head over heels for sure.

#choi san smut #ateez #ateez smut #ateez scenarios #ateez x reader #ateez fanfic #ateez fluff #choi san #ateez san #ateez imagines

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stuniolvs · 4 months

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IM LITERALLY BEGGING ON MY KNEES RN DO AN ENEMIES TO LOVERS W MATT PLEASEE 🥺🥺🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

sweetheart m.s.

another sickfic im sorry! please leave requests!

not proofread.

you’re currently getting ready to go to a party with the triplets you put on a simple dress, converse, and curl your hair. 8:54, the clock reads, nick said that he’d be here around 9.

you’ve known the triplets since freshman year but every time you see matt he’s rude to you.

its always some snarky comment about your looks or how you’re ’so annoying'

on cue, you hear matt honk outside and you hop in the car next to nick. you are about to thank matt for picking you up before he says.

“dont you think your hair is a bit much?” he mumbles, although you can hear it very clearly.

you look down at your lap and fiddle with your fingers, you then start trying to fix your hair, flattening it.

“y/n, your hair looks pretty” nick says smiling at you.

“thank you” i smile but still feeling hurt by matts comment. ive always felt just a little bit different about matt.

i used to talk to him all the time, we were best friends and then at the start of sophomore year he just ghosted me.

‘sweetheart’ he used to call me.

you exit the car arms linked with nick. “i like your shirt chris!” you compliment looking down at his camo shirt.

“thank you, y/n/n. i love your dress.” he says. you nod at him, smiling entering the house.

matt clenches his jaw hearing chris compliment you. he quickly relaxes when he sees you biting your lip. he immediately remembers how one of the first things you bonded over was your anxiety and you told him that you always bite your lip when you're nervous.

he walks behind you just to make sure no one gets too close to you.

as you guys go and get water you feel a small pain in your stomach. you can’t tell if its from anxiety, sickness, or both.

after about 45 minutes of wandering around, talking to a couple people before settling on a couch.

your next to matt with nick on the other side.

“no, yeah” you hear the random guy say, ryan, you think his name was. “hold on, im gonna go re-fill my drink” chris says. “me too.” nick and ryan say at the same time as they all leave.

you and matt sit on the couch as there’s like a hundred people surrounding you slowly getting more, and more stuffy.

you start to feel really nervous, your stomach hurts and you have anxiety with means you also have anxiety about your stomach hurting which makes it hurt more.

“matt?” you whisper. “what?” he snaps. his eyes softening when he sees your nervous state. you pull your feet up to your chest, pulling down your dress.

“what’s wrong sweetheart?” you hear him whisper. he places his hand on your back rubbing his thumb softly over the fabric of your dress.

your heart start beating rapidly. “i dont feel good matt, my stomach hurts and my anxiety is bad which is making my stomach hurt"

“im sorry,” he pulls you to his side wrapping his arm around you. “im so sorry about everything y/n. i dont know what i was thinking. over freshman year i started to like ou and then i got scared to i started being rude. im so stupid and i should’ve never done tha-“ he’s cut off by you hugging him landing on his lap. “im in love with you sweetheart” he confesses.

your heart pounds “im in love with you matt.” you speak, he blushes, tucking his head into your neck.

“does this mean im your boyfriend?” he asks “ do you want to be my boyfriend?” “of course” he flushes. “then yes.” you kiss him on the forehead “i wanna kiss you really bad but im 100% sick, my head is pounding.” you admit.

he kisses your temple and pulls back to kiss your stomach. he places a soft hand on the back of your head pushing you into his chest. “rest for a second sweetheart. im gonna text chris and nick.” he says, you nod.

after a couple minutes he lifts you from your thighs caring you to the car while you slightly regain consciousness. “mm-baby, where?” you ask, he blushes at the nickname.

“chris and nick are gonna get an uber, lets get you home so i can take care of you.” he states, setting you in the passenger seat.

once you get back to the house he sets you in his bed. he then grabs sweatpants and a t-shirt of his to change into.

“one sec, im gonna go get some stuff.” he says through the bathroom door.

he comes back with medicine, water, and your favorite blanket you always use when you come over. your just standing there unsure wha to do.

he sets the stuff down and picks you up laying on the oppsite side of the bed that he lays on.

you take the medicine then he tucks the blanket around you then he puts his duvet over you.

“will you lay with me?” you ask “of course, if you want.” “please do,” you say.

he changes into sweatpants and a hoodie, in front of you. you blush. he climbs into bed pulling you to his chest.

he pulls you in, cupping you cheeks. as your lips meet the kiss is soft and passionate expression so many emotions. after a couple of minutes he pulls back “why the fuck did you just kiss me? im sick.” you respond. “im sleeping in the same bed as you, its inevitable.” he states, smiling.

“i love you sweetheart"

#sturniolo triplets x reader #sturniolo triplets imagines #sturniolo triplets imagine #sturniolo triplets #matt sturniolo imagines #matt sturniolo imagine #matt sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo imagines #chris sturniolo imagine #chris sturniolo x reader #matthew sturniolo #matt sturniolo #chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #nick sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo x reader #sturniolo smut

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elicathebunny · 5 months

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THE POWER OF WORDS AND THOUGHTS.

(I have searched for information online and gathered it into one place, I have linked the og sources.)

Negative or Positive can be injected into the mind if repeated enough times.

No matter what you say, positive or negative. Whatever is repeated enough times will become part of your belief system because you begin to believe it. Once you think, you begin to believe, and once you believe, you begin to act according to those beliefs.

words -> thoughts -> beliefs -> actions

e.g. negative talk -> low self esteem -> neglect self positive talk -> good self image -> nurturing self The way we think about something greatly impacts our emotions and actions.

We can literally do whatever we want at this moment. If I wanted to exercise I could, If I wanted to lose weight I could, If I wanted to start a business I could. But It's the learned beliefs and the restrictions around us that prevent us from doing so: Procrastination, Distractions, Trauma, Fear, Impatience, etc.

To hack the mind, we must first understand it.

The three levels of awareness:

Conscious mind: This contains all of the thoughts, memories, feelings, and wishes of which we are aware at any given moment. This is the aspect of our mental processing that we can think and talk about rationally. This also includes our memory, which is not always part of consciousness but can be retrieved easily and brought into awareness.

Preconscious: This consists of anything that could potentially be brought into the conscious mind.

Unconscious (or subconscious) mind: This is a reservoir of feelings, thoughts, urges, and memories that are outside of our conscious awareness. Most of the contents of the unconscious are unacceptable or unpleasant, such as feelings of pain, anxiety, or conflict.’

Understanding the Brain:

The conscious mind is creative, it creates all your personal desires, wishes, what you want to do with your life and more. Your conscious mind can learn easily from seeing people doing things, watching a movie, reading a book, cooking or walking.

The conscious level consists of all those things we are aware of, including things that we know about ourselves and our surroundings. The preconscious consists of those things we could pay conscious attention to if we so desired, and where many memories are stored for easy retrieval.

The subconscious mind goes beyond learning new skills. It's involved in information processing and affects everything we think, say and do. It stores our beliefs and values, determines our memories and monitors the information all around us, deciding what to send to the conscious mind and what to store for later.

When you receive a stimulus and there is a habit in the subconscious mind related to that stimulus, it will automatically engage in its related behaviour. That’s what a habit is, all it takes is a stimulus and the behavior will play itself out.

-> The conscious mind changes easily, whereas the subconscious mind is more stubborn:

Thoughts come and go in your conscious mind. It constantly changes. Your subconscious mind takes a little bit more than that to be convinced about the change you’ve been proposing lately. No, it won’t change until you keep repeating it forever.

-> Your subconscious mind is designed to keep the learned program. -> Want to change your subconscious responses? Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

How to deal with negative self-talk:

ANTs: (ANT stands for automatic negative thought) Some examples of ANTs in your life might be “that person hates me” “I have nothing going for me” or “I’m never going to be happy.” ANTs tend to just pop into our heads without any warning.

First, identify the ANT that you’re dealing with. Right now, just think of any automatic negative thought that regularly comes to mind. It can help to write your ANT down on paper, especially if you’re a visual learner.

Some examples of ANT species are listed below:

All-or-nothing ANTs: Thinking in extremes, that things are either all good or all bad

Less-than ANTs: Comparing yourself and your situation to others and seeing yourself as less than

Just-the-bad ANTs: Seeing only the bad in a situation

Guilt-beating ANTs: Thinking in words like should, must, ought or have to

Labeling ANTs: Attaching a negative label to yourself or someone else

Fortune-telling ANTs: Predicting the worst possible outcome for a situation with little or no evidence for it

Mind-reading ANTs: Believing you know what other people are thinking even though they haven’t told you

If-only-and- I’ll-be-happy-when ANTs: Arguing with the past and longing for the future

Blaming ANTs: Blaming others for your problems

Identifying and becoming aware of these repeating patterns is the first step in breaking them. Become aware of how your thoughts are impacting your emotions and behaviours. Observe your thoughts. Ask yourself if this thought is helpful? What purpose is the thought serving you? How does the thought make you feel?

Although it is difficult to think with this new style at first, over time and with practice, positive and rational thoughts will come more naturally. Cognitive restructuring can help you challenge your thoughts by taking you through steps including:

Ask yourself if the thought is realistic.

Think of what happened in the past in similar situations and evaluate if your thoughts are on course with what took place.

Actively challenge the thought and look for alternative explanations.

Think of what you'd gain versus what you'd lose by continuing to believe the thought.

Recognize if your thought is actually a result of cognitive distortion, such as catastrophising.

Consider what you'd tell a friend who may have the same thought.

GET OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY.

It’s called “the human condition” – how we, as humans, are born with minds that are stuck in a loop of 95% repetitive thoughts, 5% conscious thoughts, and 80% negative thoughts. That’s a lot of thought and if you are not aware of it and how to use it, your life will stay “stuck” – stuck in a pattern created by your mind – from the actions you take everyday, to the thoughts that keep repeating in your mind, and ending up as the actions now affecting your life. The first step is to recognize that you HAVE a mind. And with that in mind, you have a choice.

The reality is, if you aren't achieving the results you want now or you feel like they could be better, chances are you have not actually consciously recognized you have a mind and made the decision to take charge of it.

Once you understand that you have a mind and you make a DECISION that solidifies your commitment to following that truth of what you want, you're halfway there! This decision and commitment means that you are committed to doing the work and achieving the goal - regardless of the outside influences and distractions that are constantly being thrown at you. The pattern of your mind creates a pattern in your behaviour – and affects the results in your life.

The reality is, that creating success is NOT just about “doing what you love". Part of reprogramming your subconscious mind and getting it to work towards your success is to automate the things you don’t like and change the things that are detracting from your success.

When you automate the things that don’t make you feel that successful feeling, you are subconsciously programming your mind – your 95% of unconscious thought- to take over the heavy lifting. You’re programming it to do the things you need to do to create your success.

Affirming and Repetition:

Know what you want, when you want it and how your going to get it. Write that down and literally strive for it. Put down your goal on a card read it as often as you possibly can, and curate goals which are based on it. No matter what negative thought pops up, keep denying it and reaffirming a positive alternative. Play music that will uplift you, surround yourself with people that you see yourself in and who share similar goals/mindset as you to keep reaffirming your reality, and remove any restrictions that deny the reality you are trying to make for yourself. Make a conscious effort to keep reaffirming your desires until you believe them. But remember you can't just sit and affirm without putting in the work, you can't affirm something that you don't believe. Therefore affirmation and work must go in hand.

#self improvement #self worth #that girl #dream girl #self growth #affirmations #affirm #beliefs

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bellewintersroe · 7 months

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Max Verstappen x HornerDaughter! part 11! Here’s the LINK for part 10. Tw: some mentions of death threats? Leni gets a little anxious so talks of anxiety and worry. Talks of a sexual nature. Max and Leni find themselves in a little awkward conversation, after a few too many drinks Max finds himself moping around when his feelings don’t seem to be mutual. It’s fair to say the next morning he’s embarrassed. Still, things move on and soon Mexico is looming, Max gets protective especially when death threats are for some reason sent in innocent Leni’s direction, and the two grow closer than ever. Taglist: @ironmaiden1313 @callsignwidow @fangirl125reader @norassimpingzone @roseseraj @eugene-emt-roe @copper-boom @its-elias-world @cassiopeiia24@larastark3107 @maxxiemoo @crashingwavesofeuphoria @18754389

“Hey, careful.” I breathlessly laughed, reaching out and holding Max’s upper arm, supporting his stance. It wasn’t like he was taller or bigger than me or anything…

“I’m good- sorry!” Max’s semi-sober mind shone through, before he started snickering with drunken laughter. “Cant have you breaking an arm before Mexico.” I smiled, scanning over his slightly messy hair. He’d ruffled it and attempted to tidy it over and over again in the ride back to the hotel.

“No. That wouldn’t be good.” He smiled back to me, eyes glimmering as he watched down in my direction. He was somehow walking and staring at me simultaneously. “You know, you look really pretty tonight.” Max’s arm relaxed and soon I was just holding onto his bicep gently.

“Thank you.” My face immediately warmed. I felt my smile grow and my heart literally fluttered like somebody had just electrocuted me. “But you can’t walk and stare at me at the same time, you should watch where you’re going.” I playfully knocked his face back in the direction down the hall. He was still smiling, laughing to himself.

“Sorry, Leni, I probably shouldn’t have drunk this much… probably.” He muttered to himself, clearly trying to buck up his ideas. “For a change you’re more drunk than I am.” My hand softly slipped off his arm. I saw his brows falter slightly and he reached down, taking a hold of my hand.

My voice hitched as I went to protest, but soon he was looking at me with the same softened eyes I’d stared back to that night we spent on the yacht for his birthday. “Maybe I’m gonna come on too strong-”

“No, don’t say that…” I awkwardly shrugged, stepping outside my hotel room door. “I just…” he paused, looking back down to me again. “I just really like you, Leni.” He hiccuped once again and my heart simultaneously jumped and broke, realizing how truly wasted he just was.

“You’re drunk, Max.” My voice softened, gaze fluttering to the ground. I was afraid if I stared back to him I’d lose myself. “Im truthful.” He slurred as I sighed turning up to him.

“Maybe you don’t feel the same, or-or you’re scared-”

“Max. Let’s not.” An uncomfortable awkwardness rattled through me. He couldn’t mean all of this seeing how wasted he was. I’d been told by men before in this exact situation how they felt about me and it meant nothing. “Sorry.” He quickly spoke as I pulled my key card out. “Sorry.” Max repeated. I reached out and unlocked my door. “Trust me, Max. I do feel the same.” I shyly muttered, facing the door as I pushed on it. Max remained silent. “I just can’t, yet.” He let out out a drunken laugh, one that was overwhelmingly sad. I turned back to him, door wide open so I stepped forwards and eloped him within a hug. “Don’t look so sad, you’re literally a world champion.” I teased, lightly slapping his cheek. Max’s smile emerged again, hands moving up to my waist. “I want you, Leni.” He whispered. I didn’t quite know how to take that comment, I felt weak in the knee’s, an immediate warmth spread through my core and I couldn’t stop staring back into his eyes.

My hand softened on his neck as I grazed over the very bottom of his scalp. I want you too, but not like this. “Please, Max. Not when you’re so drunk. It’s just too soon.” Max and I separated slightly.

“Okay.” He nodded, not overstepping a boundary. “Okay.” He repeated. “Are you okay getting back to your room?”

“It’s only down the hall.” He awkwardly shrugged. Despite seemingly to understand where I was coming from, he still had a semi-sour expression plastered across his face. It would be one that would torment me day and night.

“Okay… night Max.”

“Night…” awkward…

___________________________________________ Friday 28th October 2023.

“All im saying Leni, is that you’ll just be safer in the garage, with us and security.” My dad explained. I huffed in frustration, pushing my glasses off my face. It wasn’t like I was trying to do my work or anything and my dad kept pestering me. “Yeah, but, dad, I don’t get it. Nobody’s bothered about me, I don’t think they even know who I am.” I harshly reached for my glasses, shoving them back on my face. “I’d beg to differ.” He scoffed as I rolled my eyes.

“Look, don’t be rolling your eyes, Leni. At the end of the day it’s for your own safety.” “Nobody’s gonna go out and behead me in the paddock.” I dramatically spoke. “Well you haven’t seen what people have been saying.” He muttered in a low tone. I pursed my lips and pushed my laptop screen back slightly.

“I stay in the garage anyway.” “No you don’t.”

“Okay, I don’t. But I’m safe.” I defended as my dad sighed. “Look, for the safety of you and everybody just stay in the bloody garage this race. I can’t risk anything.” “Alright I will. I was going to anyway.” My eyes widened. My dad muttered something before walking back to what he was focused on before. Basically there’d been a whole load of threats towards Max and Red Bull in Mexico, I wasn’t too sure what for or what over, but security had increased. I hadn’t been very present on that side of social media, so as far as I knew my dad was just being overdramatic. I got back to my work and focused for the rest of the evening, occupied on finishing everything up before the weekend ahead. It wasn’t until I had downtime in the evening that I decided to have a browse of exactly what these threats were. My accounts were all on private so I headed to my message requests. Half of them were spam or just random people messaging me about my dad, or Red Bull, but I did see one particular creepy message about Mexico. A shudder ran down my spine reading how the man said he was going to do horrific things to me. I knew not to take it seriously, but I shouldn’t have doubted my dad so much, let alone argue with him, especially when there was a chain of frightening messages. I wasn’t quite sure what I’d done, or why they knew me? I suppose it was just fear mongering amongst Red Bull and to Max. I didn’t want to spook my father any further, so I hovered over Max’s contact. We hadn’t text in a while, I didn’t know if it would be weird, especially after the other night, to text him. But truthfully I was scared, especially alone in a hotel room.

I screenshotted the imagine and sent it to him, punching out my message frantically quick. Seconds later, Max had responded. Leni: I’m scared wtf?!!!

Max: Leni that’s disgusting, have you told your dad? Leni: I’ll show him tomorrow fml Max: are you ok???

Leni: Im good, just freaked now I’m alone in the hotel room

Max: don’t worry you are safe in here, there’s more security than usual.

Part of me wanted to go be with Max that night. No matter how hard I attempted to deny that I didn’t want anything yet, I did. I couldn’t deny that for much longer. So when he responded I found myself tapping my phone, shuddering at the idea of being alone all evening in this room. Leni: yeah it’ll be fine

Max: I’m sorry they are messaging you too

Leni: don’t be sorry?? It’s not your fault at all, Max

Max: is there anything I can do though? Leni: bring me a night light fml Max: hahahahah not allowed to leave my room sorry Max: you can come to my room however if you are actually that scared

One thing led to another and I was creeping past security with my head held low. They didn’t bat an eyelid. Max must have told them I was coming, I just hoped to god it wouldn’t get spread back to my dad and Geri that I was sneaking into Max’s room at 9pm. But it wasn’t like that, not at all.

“Are you okay?” Max was quick to greet me inside, thanking the security before locking the door behind us. His room was fucking huge, he had the most amazing view and a TV the size of a cinema screen. His bed was king sized (of course) and the sheets were only slightly ruffled from where he’d been sat. Max was in his underwear and had thrown on a hoody. I hoped I hadn’t awoken him.

“I’m ok. I didn’t wake you did I?”

“No, of course not. Come sit down.” He switched the main light off, the TV illuminating the room. I followed, taking the side of the bed that was furthest away from the door and kicking my crocs off to one side neatly. “Are those crocs?!” Max crawled over, leaning over the side of the bed.

“Yeah.” I giggled, gaze lingering over him. “Jesus, Leni. I thought you were better than that.”

“Uh- I love crocs. They’re actually so comfy.” I hugged my knees upwards slightly, Max smirked towards me before resting back onto the pillows to my right. He kept a comfortable distance, one that I wanted to break. “Are you sure you’re okay, though? Those messages were weird.” He double checked. “Yeah… it was just weird. I don’t know how they know who I am.”

“They are just a set of pricks.” He huffed, shaking his head back to the TV. He’d been watching ‘We’re the Millers’ and had it paused until I came in. “I don’t think they’ll do anything though, Leni. But just in case you should be careful.” He nodded towards me, playing the movie.

“Sorry, dad.” I teased as he looked towards me in surprise. “It’s true, no?”

“Yeah, it is.” I glanced down to my Nike socks, I’d purposefully put them on to look cool in front of Max. It was kinda pathetic. “But you can stay here, all night- I mean if you want to, I’m okay with it.” He shrugged honestly.

“I don’t want you to be scared.” He added back on as I smiled softly towards him. “At least I have somebody to watch this with.” He gave me a double glance, nodding towards the tv as I laughed gently. “Suppose so.” A moment of silence took over us as we watched the movie. “I will seriously head-butt someone, though.” “What?”

“If they do anything to you- ah not that they will, but I would.” I laughed slightly, but the protective comment was actually really cute- in a strange kinda way.

“Thanks, Max.” I glanced back down to the sheets I was yet to slip under. “I am a little worried though, I didn’t take my dad seriously.” The message included graphic details of what they wanted to do to me because I was a girl and where they’d find me (not that they could do that but still). I shuddered at the thought. “Don’t be worried, you’ll be ok with us.” Max nodded resting back against the pillows. The aircon nipped at my skin slightly, Max must’ve noticed the goosebumps on my skin and tugged at the blanket slightly. “Thanks.” I smiled back, allowing him to semi help me under.

“Sorry, I can turn it down.” He reached up for the remote, “honestly it’s fine, it’s warmer under here.” I tugged the bedding up to my neck. I could smell Max’s cologne, it dizzied me with emotion.

“Comfy bed.” He commented, still switching the air-con down to a more natural temperature. I still shuddered slightly and brought my hands forwards. “Feel how cold they are.” In the process I touched his bare thigh, Max squirmed and called out in shock. “Leni! What the fuck- how are you so cold?” He scrambled, grabbing my hands in his larger ones. I laid on my side facing him whilst he shuffled down slightly. “Because your room is Antarctica.” I pointed out.

“C’mere.” He offered his arm out and I shuffled forwards, moving over onto his chest with a comfy arm over his front. This felt nice. Like real good, he was all snug and when his hand casually rested on my arm, rubbing up and down I thought I’d burst from excitement. Cuddling wouldn’t lead to anything, right? I could still not overstep a boundary but enjoy myself. I hummed, squeezing him slightly. “You’re all warm.”

“Yeah, you’re fucking freezing.” He tensed when my hand touched the skin that had been exposed from his top lifting. I purposefully put my hand there, hearing him groan as he tensed, reaching down there to shift my hand again. The noise he made did things to me. It was more like a moan than anything, the thought of Max like that making those noises was something I hadn’t dwelled on a whole not- until now. “Mmm, let me get warm!” I teased hearing him laugh and slowly take my hand, pinning it over the other side of my head. Woah. I gasped out a laugh, my stomach fluttering and there was that familiar warming between my legs. Fuck- I was horny, for Max. How embarrassing. My face blushed as I scanned back to his eyes, not knowing if he was thinking what I was thinking.

“Max.” I pouted, but he’d already glanced my face up and down, shifting his body so he was on his knees besides me. His hair fell messy and down over his face and he looked really good. All sensation of being cold left me and suddenly I felt like I was sweating in my hoody.

“Sorry.” He blinked, hand sliding off my wrist gently. My brows furrowed in a slight disappointment and I sat up once again, eyeing over him. All sense had left my body, I wanted his attention, I wanted Max. What about waiting? Fuck waiting- okay maybe I was being brash.

“It’s fine.” I smiled gently, pulling off the hoody and placing it gently on the floor. “We had something good going on then, you ruined it.” He was still teasing, I was glad.

“I wouldn’t say it was good.” I fired back, resting back under the covers. Max then glanced to me, deciding to pull on the own material of his shirt before sinking deeper into the bed. He was almost completely naked. Fuck.

“Fine.” He nodded confidently, meeting my gaze for a moment before his eyes landed back on the TV. Throughout the movie we’d moved closer, with a small nudge of my foot on his leg, Max was offering his arm out again and pulling me into yet another cuddle. I felt like a dog in heat, and when his hand mindlessly slipped onto my lower thigh that was gently resting over his legs I wanted to moan out loud.

I decided to push it further, knowing his hand was where it was, fingers deliciously squeezing into my skin every now and then, I shifted my hand a little lower down his chest, to his stomach. Max swallowed, I could see by the bobbing of his Adam’s apple, but I simply pretended to laugh at the TV. Inside, I was trying to retrace the feeling of his lips on mine, his hand on my skin, even higher up than it was now.

When the movie was over we’d made no significant moves so I let out a small moan of dissatisfaction and rolled back, my hand was cold again, so I purposefully placed it over his lower abdomen just for some attention. It worked. Max hissed, fighting for my hand and grabbing it between his larger one. “If you keep doing that-”

“Sorry, sorry.” I sheepishly spoke, stretching slightly from how uncomfortable this vest stop was. His eyes fell to my chest, my nipples were peaked in the cool air and you could clearly see the outline of them through the white material.

“What will you do if I keep doing it?” My laugh fell short, “make you sleep on the floor.” Max still held my hand up, but when I relaxed it it flopped down besides me, still squeezed by his.

“That’s mean.” My eyes fell to where the covers had pulled down, revealing his naked torso. “Well, if you can’t control yourself..”

“I can control myself!” Truthfully I couldn’t, right now I wanted to do every sinful act to Max under the sun.

“Sure.” He smirked, gaze effortlessly gliding over me. “Mh.” I made a pathetic attempt to fight from his grasp, my hips raising slightly as I did. Max didn’t fail to notice this. At the same time he moved his hand, moving them to my shorts and tugging at them slightly.

“Are you not uncomfortable?” He flicked at them again, the tight material pinging back down to my skin. “Mhm.” Suddenly I felt all shy, nodding as my hand slid to where his was, adjusting the material slightly. “Take them off then.” He spoke in a hushed tone. My breath hitched and my thumbs pushed under the material, inching them off my legs to reveal my matching white thong I’d paired with my vest top on purpose. I had to be prepared, okay?! I lifted my knees up, shyly bringing them together as Max’s jaw tensed. “You can borrow some shorts if you want.” He tore his eyes away, staring back to me from above me. “No, it’s okay.” I whispered as he inhaled sharply, tearing his eyes away.

“You’re doing things to me, Leni.” He openly spoke. I blinked back up to him, pushing myself up once again. “What- what do you mean?” I stammered. Max turned back to me after a moment with an exasperated look. His cheeks were pink and his jaw was tightened. He looked frustrated, exceptionally sexy.

“Because you say you want to wait and then this happens I- you’re driving me insane.”

“Well… we don't have to wait just for tonight…”

#max verstappen x reader #max verstappen fanfic #max verstappen fanfiction #Max Verstappen x OC #Max Verstappen #F1 x OC

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scintillasofbeomgyu · 20 days

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ᯓ★ from me to you — chapter seven: while you were sleeping

pairing: choi beomgyu x fem!reader. genres: slice of life, social media au, body swap, fluff, angst. wc: 2,1k. warnings: language, anxiety, killing (humorously). an: sorry for the long wait! i hope you enjoy~

You remember reading somewhere that most dreams windows into the subconscious. They were like tools that the mind used to bring to the fore our innermost hopes, desires and fears.

You remember thinking how unfair it seemed; that other people got to have these things buried so far away they emerged only in the clutches of deep sleep.

You didn’t dream much after moving to Seoul. Mainly because you didn’t sleep much in the first place, but partly also because your innermost hopes, desires and fears always seemed to prance around you in broad daylight, with mocking expressions that seemed to scream: Here we are! What are you going to do about it?

When you did dream, your dreams were never really dreams at all either, but they were the seasonal reruns — the omnibus of troubling memories that you could not escape no matter how far you ran.

But tonight – tonight was different.

Tonight, it seems your subconscious believed you deserving of a break – a reward for all the anguish it puts you through otherwise.

“You have to answer us honestly, okay?” Yeonjun, the idol of the literal decade, your self-proclaimed bestie and role model, says with his eyebrows and lips set in seriousness. His eyes dart between you and Kai. “I promise we won’t freak out.”

You nod resolutely and they scoot closer to you with indecipherable expressions. Raising your eyebrows, you lean toward them in intrigue. “What is it?” you whisper.

Kai looks at Yeonjun, then takes a breath. “Who do you think is more handsome?”

You blink, registering the question, before gasping in shock. You smack their shoulders playfully. “How could you ask me such a thing? It’s not right! You’re both extremely handsome, like models – princes – angels! How could I possibly choose?”

They scream and fall back into the bed, cringing in embarrassment. “That’s just too much! Way too much!” Yeonjun cries through his hands.

“Seriously, Hyung,” Kai grimaces, rubbing the chill in his arms, “how did you get drunk enough to say such disturbing things.”

Their pink, blushing faces resemble the fluffy marshmallows you enjoyed as a kid, and it makes you laugh with joy. This is the best dream you’ve ever had. You’re unsure what your subconscious is trying to tell you with it, but you know you’re going to get Dr. Kim on the phone and ask if he had changed your prescription without you knowing and then thank him for it.

“Hey,” you pout and cross your arms, glaring at Kai, “I may not be as pretty as you, but I’m still your Noona, not your Hyung. And your Noona doesn’t drink.” Kai shudders in response.

“Seriously, you have to tell us what you drank last night,” Yeonjun shakes his head in amusement. His smile falters, then he crawls into the space next to you and links his arm with yours, resting his head on your shoulder. It feels so warm and comforting and real that your heart could burst. “I know you’re disappointed about the demo, but drinking this much is dangerous. At least let us come with you next time.”

You frown in confusion, turning to him. “What are you talking about? What demo? And I swear I didn’t drink,” you say, crossing your heart with one hand and holding up the other in solemn vow.

You try and think back to what actually did happen last night. “I guess moving into this new environment made me a little anxious, so I decided to take a walk. I… got a call from home that made it a little worse, and then I bumped into this really rude guy in the elevator. I was walking to the convenience store to get a red bean ice cream… and then I took my anxiety medication and I fell asleep on the couch?” you say, thoughts beyond that jumbled, and a nagging feeling at the edge of your mind calling on you to take another look.

“Anxiety medication?”

You find Yeonjun and Kai regarding you with eyes that swim with surprise, confusion, and deep worry.

“No, no!” you say quickly, waving your hands in hopes to draw them out of concern. “It’s not that bad! I mean, I can’t help that I have it, and it is a hindrance when I try and carry on with my life as per normal, but I’m fine. Let me show you the results of my last consultation.” you reach into your pockets for your phone, but find them empty. Your brows furrow in confusion.

For the first time, you scan your surroundings.

Instead of the tangerine walls you painted last night, you find yourself in a plain white room. Instead of your posters, the walls are bare. All the furniture and bedding in the room is black, save for a big canvas by the wardrobe with a big cherry blossom tree painted on it.

You begin to feel nervous, the events of the night before becoming more and more blurred. You remember the elevator and the convenience store and the sofa, but you also remember the sound of running water and the feeling of cold, wet clothes sticking to your body.

There is a sharp pain in your chest. You groan and grip your chest. Yeonjun and Kai rush to grab your arms.

“Hey, Beomgyu, are you alright?”

You force yourself up to reassure them, but eye Soobin’s black bomber jacket draped over a chair in the room, the one you remember slipping before stepping out last night. Hurrying over to it, the strong emotions you’re experiencing eases momentarily.

You search for your phone, but the pockets are also empty – except for a fumbled paper in one of them. When you unfurl it, you find it is a referral letter for Dr. Kim. You sigh in relief, but it comes too soon. Your hands begin to tremble as your eyes gloss over the patient’s name on the referral.

Choi Beomgyu.

Confusion, panic and fear grip your mind and you lean against the chair for support. Yeonjun snatches the paper out of your hands.

“What is this?” Yeonjun gulps, “You said Seungcheol-hyung’s tests only reflected an iron deficiency. What is this Beomgyu?” He says, looking at you with disappointment thickening his voice.

You shake your head. “Me? Beomgyu? No, you’re confused. I am (Y/n). And this is a dream.” Yet it all feels so real.

“Hyung,” Kai sighs, “Enough.”

“Look, I –”

You freeze.

Across from where you stand is a long, full-body mirror against the wall. In the mirror, where you should be standing, is Beomgyu. Your idol who you love so dearly, the reason you are motivated to strive for your dreams, is staring back at you with a face that should be yours.

When you walk, he walks.

When you frown, he frowns.

When you scream, so does he.

Yeonjun and Kai jump with surprise and you smack your hand over your mouth. Why do I sound like that?

Your fingers scour your face, pulling your cheeks and running though your hair. Eyes wide with disbelief, you turn to the two men beside you.

“Th-this isn’t a dream? This is real? You’re – real? Th-that,” you say, pointing a shaky finger to your reflection, “is me?”

“Dude,” Kai groans, dragging his fingers across his face in frustration. “Have you lost it? Of course that’s you.”

Yeonjun considers the referral one more time, then looks between you and Kai. “Maybe this is a result of the anxiety? Or the medication? You should have told us, Beomgyu.”

The hurt in his eyes sends a pang of guilt to your heart. “I’m sure he– I mean, I had a reason. He– I mean, I am not the kind of person that would keep it from you with bad intentions. Promise.”

They don’t look very convinced, but before you can answer, there is a banging at the door.

Yeonjun and Kai frown at one another, then their eyes widen. You arch a brow at them.

“Shit! Today’s schedule!”

Your face falls.

You had a feeling waking up in your bias’s body was just the beginning of your problems.

***

Beomgyu howls in pain as Taehyun hoists him into a room in the apartment, closing and locking the door behind him. His gut twists in fear.

“What the hell is going on here? Who are you people and why are you in my apartment?” he yells, waving a finger at Taehyun. He clutches his throat and frowns, coughing to clear his voice.

Taehyun rubs the back of his neck and sighs. “Why don’t you take a good look around you and try again.”

Beomgyu rolls his eyes, but when he observes the environment his eyes widen. Large posters of his face are stuck against orange-colored walls instead of his white ones. At one corner of the room is what looks like a shrine: a framed photo of him is hanging off the wall, surrounded by photocards and fan-site photos, on a shelf of albums and a glass case holding a lightstick.

“We are not in your apartment. You are in ours.”

“Oh my God!”

Taehyun nods regretfully and gives him an apologetic smile. “Yeah, I know. I don’t know how –”

“You’re fucking sasaengs!” He screams, grabbing the closest thing to him – a hairbrush – and holding it like a weapon. “I swear to God, if you don’t let me go right now, I’ll call the police and sue you all into Hell!”

Beomgyu fishes in his pocket for his phone, but pulls out one that is very unfamiliar to him. The screen is cracked up, and the transparent cover it is in holds a polaroid of his face at the back.

Taehyun squeezes his eyes shut and sighs heavily. When he takes a look around himself, his shoulders drop in embarrassment. “Okay, wait. I know how this looks, but I swear it’s not what you think.”

“Oh yeah sure,” Beomgyu scoffs, tossing the phone onto the bed behind him and tightening his hands around the brush handle, “tell that to the six foot body pillow with my face on it!”

Taehyun considers the monstrosity against (Y/n)’s wardrobe and pinches the bridge of his nose as his ears burn red. “Yup, that’s fair.”

“I can’t believe this is the type of friend Yeonjun-hyung has! And aren’t you a doctor? You should be stripped of your license! I’ll see to it personally — my brother is a doctor and—”

“Excuse me?” Taehyun’s expression darkens. “You can threaten my life, and that of the person who’s room this is, but if you threaten my years of hardwork, I’ll have to kill you.”

Beomgyu shrieks, stepping back as Taehyun starts toward him. He aims to throw the brush in his face, but misses and the brush hits the vanity on the other end of the room.

Something there captures Beomgyu’s attention, and he is no longer bothered by Taehyun’s empty threats.

Taehyun stops and arches a brow, following him as he walks toward the vanity in a trance.

Taehyun watches as Beomgyu picks up the photo of him, Soobin, Yunjin and (Y/n) in Hongdae.

He turns to Taehyun with an expression that he has seen the owner of that face make when she was looking at photos of him.

“This girl? You know her?”

Taehyun nods, curiosity peaked. “I do. Do you?”

Beomgyu regards at the photo again with those glossed over eyes and chuckles softly. “I ran into her at the hospital. Does she always smile like this?”

The puzzle pieces click in Taehyun’s head and he laughs. If this gets out, Yunjin will never let him hear the end of it. And (Y/n)? She will sink further into delusion than she has ever gone.

He can’t wait to tell them.

He shrugs. “You’re smiling like that right now, you know.”

Beomgyu looks up into the vanity mirror for the first time and his jaw drops.

“I’m dreaming right now, right?” Beomgyu laughs in disbelief, but when he does, and sees his reflection do the same thing, the photo clatters to the floor and he screams.

“I wish.” Taehyun sighs, bending to it up from the floor. There are footsteps coming down the hall and Soobin bangs on the door. “Now that we’re on the same page, why don’t you tell me the last thing you remember? And let’s make it quick, that idiot will literally break down this door.”

“Why are you so cool about this!” Beomgyu yells, clutching his throat and groaning in frustration. He tries to make it sound deeper. “Has this happened before? Is this some voodoo shit?”

Taehyun rolls his eyes. “Let me stop you right there, Drama King. We’re getting carried away again. Someone needs to be with sane and rational thought, otherwise we’d probably give one another vasovagal syncope.”

“What?”

“Tell me the last thing you remember,” Taehyun says firmly. “We need to find (Y/n) and then figure out how and why this happened.”

prev. | mlist | next

an: i’ll be updating everyday for what’s left of this week!

life is rough for (y/n). after dropping out of college and moving away from her family to live life on her own terms, she struggles to keep up with the fast-paced city life in Seoul. she becomes a fan of the kpop idol, choi beomgyu. while his content keeps her motivated to strive for her dreams, she can’t help but wish she had the same luck he has had. but not everything is as it seems.

taglist: @yoonzinoswife @ameliesaysshoo @bgomtori @woncheecks @seodami @thing89 @stormy1408 @boba-beom @binluvsu @lillynval @nothingwithoutgyu @gyuville @tinhq @soobnuuy @031323o @damn-u-min-yoongi (send an ask to be added!)

#smau: from me to you 🎆#txt imagines #txt scenarios #beomgyu imagines #beomgyu scenarios #txt smau #beomgyu smau #txt fluff #txt x reader #beomgyu x reader

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hyuckdolle · 2 years

Text

sneaky link — sunghoon ★

ᥫ᭡ sources. navigate 4 more | wc: 2.9k

ᥫ᭡ contains. smut, small caps, implied playgirl, blowjob, creaming, squirting, fingering, choking, bruises, making out, dirty talk, aftercare, pet names (pretty , baby), deep throating, hinted / mentions of possessiveness, degrading, overstimulation, riding, cervix kisses, undiscovered feelings, i most likely forgot something lol | black!reader , dom!hoon

ᥫ᭡ note. hey tinks! reblogs and comments would be appreciated! thank you for reading and the support, hope y'all enjoyed this <3. getting the read more option was a struggle. hard hours are always open.

you took a shower getting ready for your sneaky link tonight with sunghoon. you had been linking up with him for about 2 months. you barely got to see him as much though because his schedule was rarely not busy.

y'all were on the low low too, due to the fact that he was an idol. he worked in an industry where he had to creep around, with little privacy whatsoever. which is why every single one of your links took place leading into midnight.

getting ready took about an hour and a half because he had randomly texted you letting you know he was free for the night. you spent about 30 minutes washing up and listening to music, getting yourself in the mood under the hot water.

you finished the rest of your routine in your room — after you finished your skincare in the bathroom. you had made sure to text sunghoon, asking him where he was. subconsciously aware that you had little to no time to waste.

from you : where you ?

from sunghoon : i’ll be there in about 25

“ shit let me hurry up, ” you muttered to yourself, knowing that the next 25 minutes would fly by. sitting on the bed you made before getting in the shower, moisturizing your skin with a cocoa butter-scented body cream, and a few spritzes of some soft vanilla-scented perfume.

flying by is what the time did, it felt like a breeze. you were kind of nervous after not seeing him for a few weeks. you looked and smelled good so that was two less things to worry about. but you couldn’t help the anxiety that bubbled inside of you.

finally, putting on your white satin robe and a thin layer of lipgloss before you heard a ‘ ding ’ coming from your phone. while texting back, your acrylic nails made tapping sounds at the screen.

from sunghoon : here

from you : ok finna come unlock the door

you unlocked the door and stood to the side, allowing him to walk in before closing the door and locking it. the smell of cocoa butter and vanilla hit his senses as soon as he walked through the door. but the scent wasn’t strong at all, it was relaxing, and mellow.

“ missed you, ” you kissed him slowly in hopes of kissing the anxiety away in the process. the kiss was brief but delicious, the lipgloss from your lips rubbed off onto his but not as much though since you had on a little to begin with.

sunghoon smelled like cologne; the scent was very soft and not overwhelming, which made everything about him more attractive. a man that smells good and looks well put together? yeah.

“ missed you too, ” he mumbled as he went back in to return the kiss. smiling against his lips before you pulled away. you grabbed his hand leading him upstairs to your room. he followed behind you, giving your ass a grip with a smile.

the room smelt of jasmine because of the lit candle that was sitting on the dresser. the candle lit up the fairly dark room like a small spark. it almost did nothing to give light to the room, but it did set the mood.

every time he came over you set the night with a conversation about literally anything. sometimes he talked about his schedule or a new comeback. you talked about your life and plans, sometimes it lasted an hour. he may be your sneaky link but you couldn’t help but feel some sort of connection and that made you think… damn, you hated thinking sometimes.

you went to straddle his lap. suddenly you went running your mouth likewise, “ anyways, you barely text me but when you want some pussy you be quick to text. ”

“ don’t start, you know i've been busy, ” he sighed, knowing that your mouth was going to open sooner or later with some bullshit. it was valid though right?

sneaky link or not he should bother to at least text a ‘ hey how are you? ’ especially if he had you actually thinking about him, usually you did the playing and not being the one who felt played.

you simply shook your head, rolling your eyes dramatically. “ you still could’ve made time, probably was too busy texting other bitches. ”

his hand crept up to your throat, holding it with a semi-tight grip. you sucked in your bottom lip between your teeth, eyes skimming his irritated expression. he put you in your place every single time and you just never seemed to learn. this is just one of the many things you would say if you got comfortable enough, and he just so happened to make you very comfortable.

“ shut up, ” he said looking at your lips and then your eyes, instantly shutting it down, being already fed up with your mouth cause he knew you would’ve kept going. the first time you did this you could’ve gone back and forth for hours. but now he didn’t let it get past a minute… he’s controlling you all the way but are you complaining though?

he began to kiss you. it started smooth and slow but then you felt the pace speed up as it gradually got rough. sunghoon untied the robe, pulling it off, and letting it fall from your shoulders. you just let him and returned his kiss with contented hums. the robe fell, exposing your brown nipples to the cool air, where they instantly hardened. the kiss filled the room with the sound of your lips smacking.

squeezing your left breast with his other hand before trailing it down to your thigh. he looked you up and down with a smug smile. “ you look good, ” he said pulling away from the kiss that had lasted a minute.

he let go of your throat, and you immediately hid your face on his shoulder shyly before lifting back up, “ thank you hoon. ” your shyness had him surprised the first time you met because you were anything but shy while going at it, at least to him. but he knew your shyness wasn’t an act though.

he snuck his hand down to your exposed cunt, rubbing your clit with his thumb. you gasped quietly in surprise. subconsciously moving your hips to press against the pad of his thumb harder. with a sigh of pleasure, you wrap your arms around him. kissing his jawline and neck, his full attention on your pussy, rubbing slow, pressured circles on your clit.

“ let me go turn on the speaker real quick, ” you said before it could escalate and pecked his lips. you hopped up from his lap, the robe falling fully off of you onto the floor. you carelessly left it there and switched on your sex playlist. making sure to put your phone on ‘do not disturb’ mode.

sunghoon watched you the entire time before it reminded him to take off his shirt and pants, revealing his milky-like pale skin and abs. he was sitting in the middle of the bed now, watching you walk back over. staring at your beautiful curves, the swell of your breasts and ass, the glow of your melanated skin under the dim candlelight, and your pretty face. you quite literally gave him the full package.

you pushed him back on the bed, and your hands rubbed his bulging dick through his boxers with a seductive smile. “ wanna give you head, ” you said, it almost coming out as a mumble. your hands gripped the band of his boxers, dragging them down gently.

he laid back, arms behind his head, breath hitching as his hard dick sprung up. the cool air hit his dick, which was dripping with a light substance of precum, making him suck in a small hiss through his teeth.

you bent down in front of his spread legs while gazing up at him with your ass in the air. you licked a long strip up the length of his cock in response to his single nod asking you to move on. you continued to tease his dick in that manner before using the wetness from your saliva as a lubricant while you slowly jerked him off.

“ fuck, ” he let out a throaty groan and reached out to grab your hair. your hand with your long acrylic nails wrapped around his dick jerking him off. you looked up at him while going to suck at his delicious blush pink tip, humming in satisfaction as the saltiness of his precum hit your tastebuds.

after suckling on his tip, you slowly went down on his dick while his grip on your hair tightened. his abs flexing up as a reflex from the pleasure.

bobbing your head practically deep-throating him, your mouth and hand putting in the work. saliva coating his dick messily, lips becoming swole-looking after time, dazed look in your eyes, sucking him sloppy… just how it’s supposed to be.

“ yeah just like that, keep going, ” he urged you, pushing your head completely down his length. you gripped his thighs tightly as he started fucking your throat. throat tightening as your gag reflex kicked in occasionally, attempting to relax your throat just to inflict pleasure just for him.

tears streamed down your eyes as sunghoon suddenly held your head down, lips meeting the base of his cock, making you tap his thigh repetitively.

he gripped your hair before pulling you up from choking on his dick. you hid your face letting out heavy pants until he decided to move your hands from your face taking a good look at you. honestly, you looked fucked out before he even got the chance to fuck you; spit dribbled messily down your chin, lips wet and swollen, eyes all dazed.

“ you were just talking shit… now that you got some dick in front of you, you don’t know how to act, ” he slapped his pink, wet tip up against your cheek. adding to the mess that was evident on your face from giving him the sloppy not even a minute ago. he was truly amused.

you had nothing to say because was he wrong? every time he came over he had you addicted to it, you don’t know what possessed you to fold this fast.

you just held out your tongue giving him the free opportunity of slapping his heavy tip up against it. just once more you wrapped your lips around the tip before pulling off with a final pop.

“ c’mere, ” he waved his hand over to him signaling to straddle him. you crawled up from between his legs hovering over his painfully hardened cock.

he wrapped his hand around your throat before pulling you down to kiss him. tongues swirling around each other messily, breathing heavily into each other's mouth, all while he rubbed his other hand over the surface of your ass.

he pulled away looking into your eyes, scanning your face occasionally. he just laid there admiring the beauty of the messiness of it all, he didn’t understand how you still looked beautiful after all this. lips were wet and swollen, neck tainted with light bruises shaped by his fingers, drying tears displayed across your cheeks, and the blaze set alight in your eyes. it just all looked perfect to him.

“ you look so fucking pretty right now. ”

what felt like minutes of the two of you damn near falling in love with each other was seconds.

“ you should fuck me and make me prettier… make me yours. ”

he grabbed his dick before lining up with your dripping hole and pushed in fully. you were drunk on him, you didn’t know what left your mouth. but neither did he, the dazed look on his face tells.

unspoken words played a good part in your relationship with him. you’ve never expressed any real type of feelings towards him knowing that this is one of the same old things for you. what makes him special?

but… you couldn’t help but to feel some type of connection. you’ve convinced yourself that it was your mind playing tricks on you from how good the dick was but how you felt kept you up at night.

you buried your face into his shoulder, mouth agape as he began to bounce you up and down on his dick. you could feel every inch of him, the way his head occasionally pressed on the gummy spot of your walls to the bittersweet thickness of his cock.

he panted heavily into your ear as your pussy hugged his dick, he occasionally let out moans that made a pit of butterflies form in your lower stomach.

“ oouu fuck right there, ” you whimpered as he began to thrust into you from below. his hard thrusts made your arms falter feeling jelly-like. and the way the tip of his cock kissed your cervix made your breath hitch, thighs shaking around his waist.

tugging your head back by your hair he sucked and kissed hickeys onto your neck marking you his. your neck looked completely fucked up, there was no covering it up.

“ gonna fuck this pussy so hard that it’ll ruin anyone else for you. ”

suddenly his pace slowed, flipping you over onto your back making you let out a squeal of surprise, he needed to see your face. you loved possessiveness, it made your heart melt, god forbid it to be sunghoon.

he set a brutal pace, making you grab a small decorative pillow that sat on your bed. hugging it as you tried to muffle your hoarse but loud moans. sunghoon immediately snatched the pillow, tossing it onto the floor.

“ let me hear those pretty moans, ” he whispered from above you, not letting go of his pace. the thin sheen of sweat covering him made him look godlike. you moaned his name repeatedly as if it was a mantra.

a ring of your cream caked up at the base of his cock. the room smelled like sweat, aromas of cocoa butter, and sex. if you focused enough you would’ve sworn you smelt the definition of ecstasy.

“ what a creamy pussy, ” he hummed, praising you. “ this all for me hm? ”

“ yes hoon, just for you… o-only you, ” you could barely speak with the way his thrusts were knocking the breaths from your lungs.

he pressed the palm of his hand into your lower belly as you let out a sob, “ gonna cum, please let me cum. ”

cervix kisses will be the death of you. the pressure made you want to scream out in agony but the way his length dragged against your walls made you cower from the sweetness.

grabbing the sheets wasn’t enough, your knuckles felt weak as you began to see stars. he mumbled a series of cuss words as he felt your pussy violently throb around him.

“ cum for me baby, ” he cooed.

tightening around him feeling the pit in your stomach snap like a rubber band. you squirted all over his abdomen, covering the sheets in your juices. the color of your sheets turning a wet darkness.

the force pushed his dick out in which he soon after reentered you making you tremble from the overstimulation. he rubbed your clit in tight, sharp motions before grinding slowly into you.

you lay there letting out inaudible babbles trying to back away out of reflex. usually, the few people that you did do it with didn’t last this long with you but sunghoon still has you impressed.

“ shhh take it like a good girl, almost there, ” he shushed you gently.

eventually, he pulled out and came all over your pussy. cum decorating your clit, slit, and lower belly. you lay there crumbling like a paper ball as you felt the contractions in your body settle down.

sunghoon went to your bathroom grabbed a clean washcloth and wetted it before wiping you down.

“ c’mon come shower with me, pretty, ” he said pulling your slumped body up as you whined. your legs wrapped around his naked waist and your head resting on his shoulder.

“ tired. ”

“ we’ll sleep once i’m done washing you up. ”

your head could’ve snapped from how fast you almost jerked up. ‘ we? ’ you thought to yourself. shit, you didn’t have a problem with it but that was a new one. we?

when you woke up he was gone. you lay there remembering how he held you in his arms, his hands caressing your tummy as you drifted to sleep. how he spooned you and played with your curls.

you also remembered him falling asleep next to you. he must’ve left this morning. it felt like you woke up from a hangover except you remembered everything.

from you : bitchhh it felt like i astral projected into the 5D plane last night.

from bestfriend : girl you already know what’s up, tell me everything !!

that’s the thing… you didn’t know everything, you didn’t even know how to feel besides the sex, your heart felt it but your head didn’t process it. you lay there for a minute before sitting up, something catching your eye. looking at your side table you saw a note written.

‘ hi pretty, i won’t be able to text you, you know how busy i get during promotions. meet me @ 9 PM, next saturday at that fancy restaurant near han river. i’ll text you the address when i have time in case you don’t know. p.s. wear something nice and get those pretty nails you always get. ’

you looked next to the note and saw 100 bucks, guessing it was for the nails. you just held the note and sat there on the bed reading it over and over as if it was a reality check.

damn.

feel like this could be better but i just wanted to put it out before i could write too much bc i didn’t feel like proofing lmao. i wanna make like a mini-series type of thing where it explores their relationship and shit.

#enhypen smut #enhypen hard hours #sunghoon smut #sunghoon hard hours #kpop smut #enhypen x black reader #sunghoon x black reader #kpop x black reader

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johnslittlespoon · 1 month

Note

https://www.tumblr.com/johnslittlespoon/749533871172993024/tryna-study-but-puppy-bucky-brain-rot-how?source=share

ACTUALLY GOING INSANE RIGHT NOW, YOU GET IT SAM YOU GET ITTT.

I can’t believe I’m reading this at a wedding right now. I’m sitting in a corner far away from my family just in case. I may or may not be obsessing over this right now, who needs religion imma be praying to this every night.

The way Gale would never be harsh or mean to John and even when he is he never means it because he sees so much of himself in John (specifically him when he was younger) and how he knows what it feels like having a shitty dad and not feeling at home in your own house. He’d try his best to make John feel at home and safe in his house even if it does take a while. Even if sometimes John is “too much”/self-sabotaging, Gale sees through it and understands it’s just John is scared of losing him.

The way John would just walk around the house waiting for Gale to come back from work, literally trying to find anything to keep him distracted. He’d probably do some school work and if he doesn’t have any, do some housework like cook or clean the house (Like some type of housewife holyldkfijf, Gale would definitely tease him about it). And yes he would definitely raid Gale’s closet for his hoodie to chill around the house in it, maybe even fall asleep in it and Gale would come back from work to find him on the couch, hugging himself with the hoodie on. (Just imagining John’s smaller body wearing one of Gale’s big ass baggy hoodies…)

And oh how they would fight and how angsty it could get but at the end of the day both can’t be apart without each other and would eventually apologize and talk it out, how John would probably lock himself away after a fight but eventually come out and see Gale on the sofa head in hands and he’d just walk up to him and hug him. They’d stay there for hours on end just laying and cuddling and Gale would whisper sorry’s and comforting words/praises into John’s ear.

The oral cockwarming is so perfect because it lets John just relax and focus on one thing and that’s pleasuring Gale, which he loves and wants to do so badly (The people pleaser in him and also thinking it’s another reason for Gale keeping him around, whoops more angst. Obviously not the reason Gale keeps him around but John��s self-sabotaging is always there in the back of his mind.) Gale also returning the favor to John helps him see that he does love him beyond anything sexual and Gale knows this. In any situation, Gale would always show John just how much he loves him and genuinely appreciates him as a person and that he isn’t some kind of burden. The praises he whispers to John when he cockwarms him also help with that.

Anyway, *cough* *cough* can you tell I'm absolutely obsessed? Your writing and the things you come up with are just chefs kiss. Take your time and absolutely no pressure but I really can’t wait till you turn this into a full fic. THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME GOTTA GO BACK TO THE WEDDING NOW <333

linked post | PLSSS at a wedding lmfaoo no but that's so real. this leaving!bikerider shit is taking over my life fml

YES EXACTLY!! to tackle the angst first: there would be sooo many dots connected with gale's own childhood/upbringing/relationship with his dad that he would see in john, and it would make him even more fiercely protective and determined to make sure he never ever makes john feel the way his dad made him feel, or how john's dad makes john feel. when he's frustrated with john, he can usually trace it back to a behaviour he himself used to do, and he can realize that it's out of insecurity, or anxiety, or fear, etc.

he knows sometimes he just has to let john push and test boundaries, because as long as he patient and proves to john he will never raise his voice, or lay a hand on him, or abandon him, john will realize that he's someone he can let his walls down with and trust fully, and over time he'll stop feeling the need to push. he just needs to be shown consistency and stability and unwavering love. :(

there's also the fact that this is john's first longterm/serious relationship outside of highschool, whereas gale's had a lot more experience and time to learn communication skills (it's something he still finds himself coming up short with a lot though).

they're on very opposite sides of the spectrum when it comes to fights/arguments. for gale, some issues that might seem small/insignificant might feel really big for john; for example, the way gale words something after a long stressful day might sound at worst blunt to him, but to john it might sound like gale's being short and is angry about something john hasn't figured out yet, so then tension builds.

again, circling back round to insecurity on john's part because of how he's grown up, and circling round to gale needing to work on communication skills because he's not used to having to since he's usually on his own if he's not around friends. and yk, daddy issues on both ends lol.

i think also their ways of trying to resolve conflict would differ from each other, so it would be something they both have to learn to compromise on too. like you said, john is for sure the type to lock himself away or leave the house to get some air and calm himself down, anything he can do to self–isolate until he feels ready to talk, whereas i feel like gale is the type to either brush past it and assume it's no big deal/it'll blow over, and/or the type to want to sort things out the moment something happens, to talk it out until it's resolved. and obviously those immediate reactions to conflict kinda grate on each other, so they have to figure out how to balance things out.

but john's an easy crier and he feels just as guilty when he blows up and walks out on gale as gale does when he's too blunt or harsh when they're arguing, and neither of them can ever go to bed upset with each other. by the time john comes back home, the reflexive anger/hurt has always seeped out and made room for quiet sadness and guilt, and all he wants to do is find gale and attach himself to him and mumble his apologies and be held (and in turn have the relief of the confirmation that gale still wants to hold him.) or if john's shut himself away in the spare room or is sulking on the back porch, gale will be the one to go to him and crouch down in front of him and take his hands in his and ask what he needs, and ask if they can talk. <3

angst aside, YEAH. john doesn't mind being alone sometimes, but in general he's very social and gets his energy and good mood from being around other people, so if gale's at work and his friends are busy and he doesn't have any studying to be done, he keeps himself busy around the house (which also helps alleviate his guilt over 'intruding', or gale not letting him pay rent, because he can feel like he's making himself useful.)

and gale without a doubt teases him about it, calls him his little housewife one day when he comes home to john cooking and pounces on the way it makes john flush, wrapping his arms around him from behind and pulling him and murmuring "yeah? you like waiting for me to get home, like a cute little housepet?" and it's all banter, but it gets to both of them more than they expect. >:)

it definitely does gale in too when he sees john get comfortable enough to start stealing his clothes like that, loving how he looks in them and feeling his heart soften with the knowledge that john still wants a piece of him as close as possible when he's not with him. (he also lays john out on the couch and fucks him in nothing but gale's hoodie the first time he comes home to that <3)

and yes to the sex dynamic stuff, 100%. gale never gives john any reason to believe that he's only in it for sex, especially since gale's the one who holds off on jumping into hooking up straight away, but john does worry sometimes at the beginning until he starts to feel secure with gale. i think gale would be aware of this being a possible issue too and it would contribute to him keeping things slow at first because he wants to establish to john that he's not just a pretty body to him.

and as time goes on gale realizes how he can use stuff like gentle submission/instruction/etc like in that cockwarming drabble to get john out of his head, to help him relax, etc without directly asking john to take breaks or calm down, because john is stubborn and will work himself into the ground unless he sees that ask as something that benefits gale too. (they work on that, though.)

YEAH can you tell i'm obsessed too? this is cooked lmfaoaoo. but omg THANK U i will cry </33 i have so much fun writing all this shit out and bouncing ideas back and forth <33 i don't feel pressured dw!! i'm so excited to write the fic once i finish my current one :'-) thank you for YOUR time, hope the wedding was fun!!

#leaving bikerider au #sighghh so many good headcanons/dynamics for this au #i love me some conflict and then healthy conflict resolution <3 #and now i sleep #johnslittlespoon asks #johnslittlespoon brainrot #johnslittlespoon spicy #buckbucky

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deceitfuldevil · 1 year

Text

Year In Review

Matt Murdock X Reader

Summary: Happy New Year!!! Here is a crackfic of a handful of my favorite Matt Murdock fics I’ve written this year all rolled together into one flowing story for the new year. Some details changed, all stories linked.

Warnings: Literally everything. Fluff, smut, angst. 18+ MNDI!! Use of y/n, m! and f! receiving øral, p in v s3x, kissing, dirty talk, pet names, fighting, use of “I love you”, mentions of alcohol, mentions of anxiety, marriage, college! Matt references, etc.

Word Count: 10.7K. . . told you it was a crack fic

—

“Merci beaucoup” You said with a smile to the lovely woman who handed you a glass of champagne from a tiny window. You turned back around to face Matt and clinked your glass to his, “á nous chérie” you said to Matt with a smile. “How many times are you going to rub it in that you took French in high school while I took Latin? Or do you just enjoy it when I can’t understand a word you’re saying?” Matt said as he slid his arm around your waist with a chuckle, leading you to the edge of the room you stood in. “I said ‘to us, darling’. It’s funny to think one year ago you, me, Foggy, and Karen, we’re getting shitfaced in the office for New Years and now we’re here. . .” you said with a warm smile, despite the cold breeze blowing across your face.

“To be fair, to me the only difference between this year and last is that I’m not drunk this year. You could tell me that we just walked up all those stairs to some random rooftop in New York and I’d be obligated to believe you.” Matt said with a playful tone, prompting you to roll your eyes. “Yeah sure, a random rooftop where everyone is speaking French that we took an 8 hour long flight to get to, and where a glass of champagne costs $27.” You said with a sarcastic tone.

“Well that last part actually could be a random rooftop in New York.” Matt joked, but you could only take your eyes off the view and admire him. “But we’re not in New York, are we? We’re a long, long way from home.” You said softly, knowing Matt would hear you. “And a long, long way from where we were one year ago. To think it all started at Columbia.” Matt said with a thoughtful tone, thinking back on your time together there. “Things between us nearly didn’t pick up again after Columbia, but I could never forget our first kiss.” you said with a vaguely taunting tone. “Oh I remember that too, as well as lots of ‘practice’ kisses after that.” Matt said, leaning in for a kiss.

That game of seven minutes in heaven went on longer than expected, or maybe that was the alcohol talking. Soon enough, it was your turn. You knew where you wanted the bottle to land, and you spun it not only with intent but with hope. So when the bottle slowed to a stop and landed on Matt, Foggy was more than quick to stand up and drag Matt to the nearest closet and whisper “you better not screw this up buddy.” Before shoving you inside with him. You didn’t even have more than a moment to sober up and take in what was actually happening before you were locked in that pitch black closet with Matt.

Of course it was a dorm room closet, so it was one of the smallest closets you’d ever seen. You’d both have to press your backs to either side of the space just to create an inch of distance between each other. But given the way Foggy threw you both inside and slammed the door behind you, locking you in there for the next seven minutes… you were closer than you’d ever been.

You were chest to chest, your hands had found purchase on Matt’s broad shoulders so you didn’t completely crash into him when Foggy shoved you. Your breathing was heavy and you couldn’t tell if it was the nerves of being so close to Matt or if it was the fact that you didn’t like small spaces.

Matt could sense the pure anxiety radiating off of you, and even though Foggy scolded him not to screw this up he wasn’t going to push you into anything you didn’t want to do.

“Hey hey, it’s okay. We don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to. I’m here, you’re safe.” Matt said with a soothing tone, gently running his hands up and down your arms trying to calm your breathing. Soon you did start to relax, but Matt could hear that your heart rate didn’t slow down in the slightest. Excitement was still coursing through your veins.

“Matt?” You said softly, so quietly in fact you were surprised he heard you at all. He responded with a faint hum as one of his hands brushed over yours.

“What if I do want to do something?” You asked even more quietly, so afraid of the answer. Now Matt wasn’t sure if the loud thumping he heard banging in his ears was your heart or his.

“Anything?” Matt asked, his face inching closer to yours in the pitch black closet. You wouldn’t have known it if you didn’t feel his hot breath fanning over your lips. In a moment of unawareness, you nodded. Forgetting Matt wouldn’t be able to know if you did, even if he could see there was no way to tell in the dark. But somehow, he still knew.

The hand that has brushed over yours now gently grasped it, and his hand slipped gently under your chin as he brought your face closer to his slowly. So slowly as if to say ‘you can back away, if you want to.’ But you didn’t want to back away, instead when you felt he was close enough you pressed your lips to Matt’s.

It was a bit messy at first, considering you couldn’t see where you were kissing him. But he found a sweet rhythm with your lips surprisingly quick. He dropped your hand that he was holding and brought it up to your waist, pulling you impossibly closer as he pushed you up against the wall.

Foggy heard the rumble of you two tumbling around in the closet and made joking ‘oooh’s along with everyone else in the group. But those sounds were not heard even in Matt’s powerful ears, all of his senses were filled with you and the pretty sounds he was drawing out of you.

Your lips moved against his in sync, the hand Matt slipped under your chin to draw you closer now slipped down as his open hand rested on your throat. Matt basked in the feeling of your pulse dancing rapidly beneath his fingertips. Tentatively, he gave your neck an experimental squeeze. Your reaction was better than he could’ve hoped for as you moaned into his mouth, giving him full access to your now parted lips as he slipped his tongue inside and explored your mouth fully.

Your arms were wrapped tightly around Matt’s neck keeping him as close to you as possible, also to hold yourself up as you felt your knees get weaker the more he kissed you. Whatever amount of time you had left was clearly thrown out the window because before things could get any more heated Foggy was swinging open the closet door and snapping a Polaroid picture of you and Matt in the act.

“And this…” Foggy stated, taking the printed picture and giving it a few shakes. “Is the picture I’ll frame as your wedding gift.” He said with a snicker. You were blushing bright red as you tried to snatch the picture away from Foggy but to no avail. “Ah ah ah! You’ll get this back when I’m giving my best man speech.” Foggy said with a teasing tone.

You rolled your eyes as you felt Matt’s hand grab back onto yours. You turned to see him with a light pink blush tinting his cheeks and a bright smile… some puffy lips as well. Which you were sure you were sporting too. You just smiled back at him, despite what you assumed was blissful unawareness you pulled him along back to your places in the circle and let the game continue. Only this time your hand never left Matt’s.

“Mhmm, almost as good as our first.” You said with a cheeky smile as you pulled away from Matt. “Well you know what they say sweetheart, practice makes perfect.”

“Bad at kissing? You’re joking right?” Matt said somewhat incredulously.

“You’ve kissed me one time Murdock, and we were both drunk. Don’t laugh like it’s not possible.” You said with a slight huff, not happy that Matt couldn’t even rack his brain to believe you. Matt felt a shift in tension, seeing as this was the first time you mentioned the drunken kiss you shared in the closet of a dorm room.

“I could.” Matt said, out of context.

“You could what?” You asked.

“Kiss you.” Matt said, like it was the most simple and obvious answer in the world. But sensing your thumping heart and heat spreading to your cheeks he made a clarification.

“Or help you, well, both. You know?” Matt explained l, picking up some of your nervous energy.

“No, I don’t know. What are you getting at here?” You said suddenly feeling very aware of your hand still locked in Matt’s grasp. Come to think of it, you hadn’t held hands with him since the night you played seven minutes in heaven.

“You could practice kissing… with me. If you’re so worried that whatever asshole you were with last, that what he said was true… I could help.” He explained, heat now flooding to his own cheeks.

“Matt I— you’re my best friend and,”

“That’s exactly why it would work! We’re just friends, and friends help each other, right?” Matt said with a soft tone. Trying to ignore the painful feeling in his heart as he called you his friend.

“Yeah, I guess they do…” you trailed off, waiting for Matt’s response but he didn’t give one. He was probably still racking his mind for what to do now that he was in the unlikely event that you agreed to practice kissing with him.

“So when’s Foggy going to get back?” You asked shyly, subtly scooting closer to Matt on his twin sized dorm room bed.

“Uh, not till 8… he took a night class this semester.” Matt said, feeling excitement radiate off of you. Not the kind of excitement he expected though…

“Could we… practice now?” You asked innocently, leaving Matt to feel like that meme where he doesn’t know what to do now because he didn’t think he’d get this far.

“Sure yeah let me just…” Matt said, taking off his glasses and facing his unfocused eyes towards you. It was the first time you ever got a good look at his eyes.

“So you want me to just go or…?“

“Just kiss me, Matthew. Nothing is going to make this less awkward than it—“ your first few words acted as the only allowance Matt needed because he quickly slipped his hand under your chin and pulled you in for a kiss.

It was rushed, messy, out of order. But at some point your lips had parted, giving Matt access to your mouth if he so pleased. But everything was happening so fast and suddenly Matt couldn’t breathe, and he found himself pulling away.

He sat back, head twitched still replaying the moment you two just shared over and over again in his head. When he brought his fingers up to trace his lips and ground himself to this moment he realized you hadn’t said anything either, thumb running across his bottom lip he could sense that you were staying very still like you were having some kind of revelation.

It was in that moment, that you felt that you and Matt were meant to be. Nothing in the world felt more right than when his lips were on yours.

“Was that um, okay or—“ Matt broke the silence awkwardly, but you cut him off and said “just shut up for a second.” As you grabbed the collar of Matt’s black shirt that was always just a little too tight for him and pulled him in for another kiss.

This kiss was smoother, full of sure eagerness and newfound, assured and sober attraction. This time you both remembered to breathe through your nose and matched paces with one another almost immediately. This time when you parted your lips Matt reciprocated and darted his tongue over your lips, causing your heart to skip a beat, which he definitely heard.

Matt continued to explore your mouth as he eased you up into his bed completely, now you were under him propped up against Matt’s pillow, still passionately kissing him. Forgetting whatever he was raised on by all means Matt wanted to keep going but when he felt himself get a little too excited, he parted his lips from yours.

Neither of you spoke for a minute after that, you just laid very closely to Matt cuddled into his side catching your breaths.

“You know, I don’t know what that other guy was talking about but you are definitely not a bad kisser.” Matt said, eyes gleaming towards the ceiling as he held you close. His comment made laughter bubble up inside you giving Matt the joy of hearing one of his favorite sounds.

“I’ve gotta talk to Adam.” You said quietly, making a mental note to yourself. But you could quite literally feel Matt deflate beside you at your words. “Oh no no no not like that, I just have to tell him I can’t see him anymore.” You said reassuringly, taking one hand and running over Matt’s jaw.

“That good of a kiss huh?” Matt asked confidently.

“Well, we might need to practice a little bit more. . . after all, practice does make perfect.”

“I can’t believe we used to pass off our secret make out sessions as ‘practice’ for the future.” Matt said with a light laugh.

“Well god knows neither of us were brave enough to admit to the other that we wanted to be more than friends.” You shot back playfully.

“Hey, no need to bring the big guy into this.” Matt said defensively.

“You didn’t mind me bringing up the big guy the night we first got together…” you recalled with a mischievous grin.

Tension, that’s what your whole relationship with Matt felt like as of late. You told yourself he just wanted to help you since you helped him, but lately your own heart has wanted more.

Tonight those wants came through to you in a dream. Everything you wanted with him was literally pouring out of your subconscious whether you were ready to admit it to yourself or not. But your dream was far from clean, and you were not a quiet sleeper.

You rolled around as gentle groans escaped your lips, your skin was hot to the touch as your imagination ran wild with thoughts of what Matt could do to you. Your heart rate was picking up so fast it was like your body was out of breath trying to catch up to it.

“Y/n, y/n it’s me. Wake up.”

With a loud gasp you shot up, eyes adjusting to the dark room to find Matt at the side of his your bed. “Jesus Christ, Matt. You uh, you scared me.”

“Are you okay?” Matt asked, hands gently touching the tips of your fingers. Grounding himself to you, to this moment.

“Yeah yeah, I was just sleeping… sorry.” You tried to brush it off, half wondering if this was still a dream.

“No no, you weren’t just sleeping. Your heart is racing, your skin is hot, it’s all keeping me awake. What were you dreaming about?” Matt asked, his own hand gently starting to overlap yours.

“Really Matt it’s nothing I’m sorry, you should really go back to—“ you rambled, turning away from his empty eyes in the dark. But you stopped when one of his hands came to the side of your face.

“You were saying my name, you were moaning my name. What were you dreaming about y/n?” Matt pushed, you knew you were in too deep now. You stayed silent for a few more moments before giving into temptation.

“We were in this bed… together. You, you were touching me Matt.” The words falling from your mouth felt awkward, you still feared these feelings weren’t reciprocated.

“Touching you like I am now?” He asked as he continued to hold your face, fully taking in what you looked like.

“No you um… you were pleasuring me. Touching me in nice places.” You finished off, cringing at your own words.

“I see, go on.” Matt said, ushering you to continue rehashing the events of your dream

“I really don’t think that I need to say anything more.” You said, trying to excuse yourself from the situation and the growing heat between your legs.

“I said go on, I want to hear more.” Matt started, leaning closer to you as his fingers ran over your lips. “I want to hear more about what I was doing to you come from these pretty lips.” He finished.

“You had my hands pinned above my head and you were kissing all up and down my… my body.” You furthered on, hating knowing that your heart beat was probably giving away how enamored you were with him right now.

“Oh, you mean like this?” He asked, using his free hand that wasn’t analyzing your face to pin both your wrists together above your head as he started to lay gentle kisses down your face and along your neck.

“This has to still be a dream, I’m still dreaming.” You said to yourself, sitting in disbelief that this was really happening.

“Tell me darling, does this feel like it’s still a dream to you?” He asked, sealing the empty space between you and pressing his lips to yours. Truly setting off an eruption of fireworks in your heart.

The kiss was soft and slow but full of passion and eagerness, but he pulled away and laid his hand that was on your face on your chest right over your heart.

“Hey, hey. Breathe, it’s me, you’re really here. This isn’t a dream, you’re safe. Breathe for me baby.” He gently cooed, slightly letting up on the grip he had on your wrists.

His actions told you that your heartbeat must’ve risen so much it scared him, and his response nearly sent you into a full cardiac arrest.

“I’m here.” you said, still half of your head in the clouds from that kiss.

“You’re here.” Matt assured you, pressing a quick kiss to the underside of your jaw. “Now is this okay? Do you want me to stop?” He asked, trying to make you as comfortable as possible.

“No no, please don’t stop I… this is everything I’ve ever wanted.” You confessed, slipping one of your hands from his grip and bringing it to his face. “You’re everything I’ve ever wanted.” You said to him.

That was clearly all Matt needed because he was now pulling you into another searing kiss that set your heart ablaze but this time he didn’t stop. Keeping with the heat and motion he only broke the kiss to take off his sleep shirt, he felt you freeze up as he was about to lean back down to kiss you.

“You know I may be blind but I can still tell when you’re gawking at me. I’m assuming you must like what you see?” He asked with a cocky tone.

“Oh shut up and kiss me Murdock.” You said teasingly pulling him in for another kiss. He released your wrist from his grip and basked in the feeling of your hands all over his body. He brought one hand back to your chest and gently started to massage your breast through the thin material of your shirt… but right as you arched into his touch he asked you something.

“Is this… my shirt?” He asked, popping a button on it as he continued to play with your supple breast.

“Figured, mhm, you wouldn’t notice if it was gone.” You said focusing as hard as you could on forming a coherent sentence. “Besides, ah I, liked that it smelled like you.” You elaborated, writhing under his masterful touch as he practically examined you like you were on trial for stealing his shirt. Soon he moved his attention to your other breast as he popped another button before replying:

“Guess I’ll have to let you steal my shirts more often then.” he said with a smile you could feel on your neck as he went back to making sure you were full of marks from him. Even if he couldn’t see it, everyone else would know that you were his.

The attention he was paying to your body was like no other, but even he was starting to get impatient before he knew it.

“Matt, oh Matt please.” You begged, feeling his large bulge poke at your thigh just waiting for its moment.

“Please what darling? What do you want?” He asked, threading his fingers through your hair and pulling you head back so your neck was exposed to him.

“Need… I need you inside of me.” You begged, shifting your body to rub against his growing tent. Earning a low groan from him.

“Please… I—“ you were silenced by the sound of your own underwear ripping clean off and tossed aside somewhere in Matt’s dark room.

“Hey!” You protested wanting to yell at him for destroying a piece of your clothing, but your efforts quickly fell mute when you felt Matt’s sweet lips sucking more marks into your thighs. He left wet kisses all over your thighs and so near to your entrance that you were nearly thrashing on the bed just for him to touch you where you needed it most.

All went dead silent and you almost worried that he changed his mind and stopped but when you felt his powerful tongue lick a bold stripe between your folds, it was all over for you. One could only hope his neighbors were dead asleep or hard of hearing because the wonders his mouth was working on you was incomprehensible.

His mouth sucked and pulsated between your legs, quickly darting his tongue in and out of your womanhood leaving you a moaning mess. When he moved to skillfully sucking on your clit and pumping two fingers in and out of you like no tomorrow, you were sure to be done for in minutes.

He started to curl his fingers and suck in your sensitive bud as he felt your whole body tense up as you tried to verbalize a warning for him.

“Matt! I’m— I’m, fuck!” You thought you were too late but he knew exactly what was coming; you. He continued to skillfully work his mouth and fingers in your heat as you cried out beginning to see stars. Coaxing you through and down from the powerful orgasm.

When you regained a sense of awareness you opened your eyes to see Matt kneeling over you, completely nude, licking the last of your juices off his fingers. You wanted to pay attention to the beautiful sight that was him taking in every bit of you he could. But there was a bigger sight down south of him that was throbbing and waiting for action.

“Who knew such a dirty girl could taste so sweet?” He asked, now hovering over you as he lined up with your entrance. “But can she go another round?” He asked, his tone softening up as he placed a hand under your chin and made you look at him. Silently asking for consent to continue.

“Yes, please Matt. I want you.” You expressed, laying your whole heart out on the table for him.

“And I think…” he started as his length started to push into you all at once in one fluid motion. “That I need you, for the rest of time.” He ended, pushing the last of himself inside you and nearly splitting you in half. Both of you letting out moans of relief and pleasure at the feeling of your walls fluttering and adjusting to him.

“Then you can have me,” you replied as he started to thrust “forever.” You said with a smile as your eyes nearly rolled into the back of your head as his joy from your words transformed into a physical manifestation of lust as he pounded into you like it was all he ever knew.

He felt so perfect inside of you, you loved the way you could feel your walls stretching around him. The way one strong hand of his firmly held onto your hip as he slammed his thick cock into you over and over again and his other hand found it’s way around to your clit and rubbed fast circles on it so before you knew it, you were ready to let go all over again. But just like he could sense everything else, he could sense that you were once again on the brink of orgasm.

“Don’t come, not yet.” He said, his hand that was on your hip now finding its way to your throat as he cut off your oxygen in a delicious way.

“You can come when I say so, understand?”

“Yes sir.” You whimpered, your walls tightening around him coating him in your arousal. He let out a long and low groan, and you understood the effect you had on him. Desperate to pull that reaction from him again, you wrapped your legs around his abdomen as he continued to thrust into you and flexed your heat around his cock again.

You could feel his tip pulsate inside of you, you knew he was just about as close as you were. With one more flex of your muscles he was a moaning mess and was harshly rubbing on your clit as he instructed you to let go. That you did, milking him of every last drop from his orgasm as he collapsed on top of you, his heart pounding out of his chest.

After you both were able to catch your breaths, he pulled out of you. Leaving an empty feeling as your body started to adjust to him no longer being inside of you. He rolled over onto the side of the bed and you swiftly cuddled into his side.

At first he was a bit taken back, but as soon as you quietly spoke up and said: “thank you, for everything Matt.” The fear of losing you or anyone else, the thoughts of how he was going to defend his city next, all of it disappeared for the rest of the night because he was with you. Embracing you right back, he breathed in your sweet scent and fell asleep with you in his arms.

“Yeah, yeah but if I got worked up about that, who's to say we still would've gotten together?” Matt said, his cheeks flushed red at the thought of the memory.

“What, did you want to fit more relationship milestones into this year?” you said with an open mouthed smile.

“We didn’t have that many milestones, did we?” Matt inquired stupidly.

“Matt, we got together in January, married in August, and now in December we’re on an overseas trip together.” you smoothly explained to him.

“Hmm, well maybe it feels like longer because it’s always been you; whether we were together or not.” Matt charmed you, flashing his signature smile at you to get his way.

“Oh no no no, I know that smile, I have a long history with that smile.”

“You know I saw a tweet the other day I can’t stop thinking about.” Foggy said breaking the silence of the quiet office late at night.

“What was the tweet?” Karen asked, taking any opportunity to tear her eyes away from her work.

“It said ‘if you’re turned on by dirty talk your genitals are technically voice activated’.”

“Foggy, what the fuck.” You said with a chuckle, shaking your head at him as you returned to the last of your paperwork.

“Oh I’m sure you’re not one to talk Ms. L/n, I’ve seen the way Matt talks to girls before he met you. I bet your genitals are voice activated too.” Foggy said with a shit-eating grin on his face, that grin disappeared when Matt exited his office.

“Can we not talk about my girlfriends genitals please?” Matt asked with a light voice, but everyone knew his was dead serious and dropped the topic at hand.

Hearing Matt refer to you as his girlfriend even though you’d only been together for a month now still gave you butterflies, and the thought of dirty talk with Matt gave you butterflies as well.

Despite having had a lot of sex for only actually being together for a month, you hadn’t had the chance to suggest dirty talk to Matt yet.

Shortly after that conversation was dropped, everyone finished up their work and went home. Saying goodbye to Foggy and Karen at the exit of the building while you and Matt when your separate way to his apartment.

When you got back to Matt’s place and started to strip yourself of your work clothes, Matt came up behind you and started to massage your shoulders while kissing at your neck.

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” Matt asked quietly, confusing you a bit.

“Tell you what?” You asked in response, turning around to face him and wrap your arms around his neck.

“That your genitals are voice-activated.” Matt said with that signature smile he had that always made you weak in the knees flashed across his face and suddenly your jaw went slack and your hands retracted from around his neck to cover up your face in shame.

“How’d you know?” You mumbled through your hands as you backed away from Matt and flopped onto the bed.

“Oh ‘how did I know?’ really? I think your heart rate must’ve spiked to 130 when Foggy just mentioned dirty talk earlier tonight.” Matt said slyly, coming down onto the bed with you and hovering over you as he pressed kisses over the hands that covered your face.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” You muffled even quieter.

“Hmmm, so I guess you don’t want to be called my little slut then.” Matt said with a wicked grin, pressing a soft open mouthed kiss to the underside of your jaw where your hands left a gap.

You couldn’t help the pathetic whimper that escaped your mouth at his words.

“That’s what I thought, now get on your knees baby.” Matt cooed, helping you lower yourself down to your knees.

You didn’t need to be told, you knew exactly what Matt wanted you to do. So you started to unbuckle his belt and palm his growing bulge. Matt groaned at your actions “such a dirty girl, knows exactly what to do without me needing to tell you.”

Heat flooded both your face and your core as you pushed Matt’s pants and boxers down to his ankles, laying soft kisses up his thighs and then giving his swollen tip a kitten lick. Hearing the little punctured breaths Matt let out made you eager to please.

You licked one broad long strip on the underside of Matt’s proud cock, swirling his tip in your mouth with your tongue before taking him whole. Going further and further until you were choking and felt him hitting the back of your throat. You continued to bob your head from there, using a free hand to pump what you couldn’t take in your mouth.

“Such a pretty whore, all f-for me.” Matt said with a slight shudder, trying to restrain himself from thrusting into your mouth. You knew Matt was close due to the way you could feel his balls cinching up getting ready for release. But Matt threaded his fingers through your hair and pulled you off of him.

“My sweet slut, you did so good.” Matt praised, pulling you up and throwing you into the bed as he pinned you into place with a passionate kiss, tasting a bit of himself on your tongue.

Matt was drawing out the kiss longer than expected, your hips started to lift themselves off the bed eagerly waiting for Matt.

“Does my baby want me to stuff her full of my cock? Fuck her so rough she can’t speak?” Matt said with a tone not matching his sinful words, but you nodded hastily, practically begging for his cock.

Without another word Matt pushed his throbbing member inside of you, leaving you a breathless mess of moans and whines.

“You’ll never get used to my size will you darling?” Matt asked cockily, but you could only nod in response. The way he was pulsating inside of you had left you speechless.

“Don’t tell me my sweet baby is fucked out already…” Matt trailed off, reaching one hand up and wrapping it around your neck. Basking in the feeling of your heartbeat dancing underneath his fingertips. “We’re just getting started.” He added sinisterly.

Now pounding in and out of you at a relentless pace, a tear falling from your eye as soon as Matt brought his hand that was on your hip to your clit to run fast circles.

“My fucking whore, my beautiful lovely fucking whore. Mine. My whore.” Matt said with a gruff tone, your back arching involuntary at his foul words, a wordless scream falling from your mouth as white started to take over your vision.

“Y-you’re mine.” Matt said with one final slam inside of you as you milked him for all he’s worth, his juices painting your insides as he drilled inside of you. Pumping in and out of you slowly a few more times a moment later, just to make sure you were completely stuffed full of his cum.

As Matt pulled out you looked at him with eyes full of adoration. “I definitely should’ve suggested that sooner.” You said with a laugh, snuggling into Matt’s side before falling asleep for the night.

“You did forget one milestone we also had this year.” Matt pointed out after you finished reminiscing.

“Yeah, which one?” you asked genuinely.

“When we first said I love you.” Matt said quickly, sensing your eyes widening at him.

“Like Foggy, sometimes I like to forget how I found out.”

You’d been up all night waiting for Matt, again. You were starting to not believe Foggy’s excuses for Matt that he was just staying late at the office working another case. Matt always stopped answering his phone after 11pm, and by 1am Foggy had insisted it was fine; that Matt was just a workaholic. By tonight you had enough of what you were sure were bullshit excuses, you didn’t want to think for even a second that Matt was cheating on you after work but you were running out of logical reasons as to why he never came home until 3 or 4 in the morning.

It was just past midnight and you just got off the phone with Foggy who insisted Matt was at the office working late again. Deciding you’d had enough, you threw on your jacket and made your way over to Nelson & Murdock yourself. Walking up the stairs you could feel your heart pounding in your throat, silently praying that Matt really was in his office even though you had a good feeling he wasn’t. Now standing outside the doorway you knocked gently, calling out for Matt. But no response. Lying to yourself you thought maybe Matt couldn’t hear you, and let yourself into the consistently unlocked office.

Walking around the deafening clack of your shoes over the hardwood floor of the tiny office echoed in your ears as you faintly called out for your boyfriend, or lack thereof. Peering around the space to find not a living soul. Sighing, even though it was after 11 you decided to try and call Matt, see if he has a new excuse for the night. The soft ring dulled out after the 5th or 6th time and right as you were about to hang up you heard a click on the other end and heavy breathing on the line.

“Hi baby.” Matt cooed breathlessly, only furthering your fears and suspicions that he was cheating on you. “Hi Matty.” you called back, faking a tired cutesy voice. “Where are you?” you asked softly. You could hear Matt sigh softly on the other end, you couldn’t even imagine what he was doing or who he was with. “Just working late at the office again sweetie, I‘m sorry.” Matt lied, clearly since you were standing in the middle of his empty office. You swore you could feel your heart skip a beat, nausea circulating in your stomach. “Mhmm okay, well I had a long day at work myself so just wanted to say goodnight before I turn in for the night. See you tomorrow?” you asked weakly, heart aching.

“Yeah yeah get some rest, I’ll see you tomorrow… goodnight.” Matt said, voice void of emotion or care. The line clicked again before you could respond. Maybe you were angry and acting out irrationally but after getting off the phone with Matt you didn’t go back home and turn in for the night like you said you would, instead you went over to Matt’s place and waited. You decided you were going to wait until he came home no matter what godforsaken hour it was and no matter who with.

It was now barely 3:30 in the morning and your eyelids were starting to get heavy as you sat patiently on Matt’s couch. You could feel sleep slowing starting to roll over you until you heard a loud crash from the terrace entrance of Matt’s apartment. You jolted up and looked up to the top of the staircase, eyes adjusting to a figure in the darkness. Then you could tell who it was… it was daredevil. You gasped silently as you stood up and backed away from your place on the couch. The devil stopped halfway down the stairs and tilted his head to the side, turning his head to face your direction. “Y/n?” he called out, making you stop in your tracks.

When you didn’t answer after a minute the devil further down the stairs and started to walk towards you. “Y/n?” he called out again.

“How… how do you know my name?” you said shakily, but as soon as you spoke he recognized you completely. He took his mask off and revealed himself to you, Matt revealed himself to you.

“Matt?!” you shouted, somehow relaxing and losing all composure at the same time. Hell, you were relieved that some random vigilante didn’t break into your boyfriend’s home, but went off the deep end when you found out your boyfriend was said vigilante.

“Oh my god.” you said just under your breath, you wanted to be relieved Matt wasn’t going out every night seeing another woman but at the same time this revelation did not bring you much comfort. “Are you even blind?” you asked in an accusatory tone. Matt merely scoffed.

“God why is that what everyone always asks?! Yes y/n, I’m really blind it’s just… complicated.” Matt said, taking a frustrated tone with you.

“What everyone always asks?” you repeated back to him. “What do you mean ‘what everyone always asks’ Matthew?” Matt scoffed, shaking his head but lacking a reply. “Who else knows?” you pressed on, shameful silence. “Matt, who else knows that you’re daredevil? Or am I the only person you’ve been keeping this from?” you spat, tears welling up in your eyes.

“No god, it’s just… it’s just Foggy, only Foggy knows.” Matt said vexingly.

“Oh, so you told Foggy so that he could lie to me too when you’re out on the streets until 3am?!” you shouted.

“No! I didn’t want to tell Foggy either, he found out in the same way you have. I can’t tell anyone because the more people that know then more people are in danger!” Matt shouted right back at you.

“Oh what so you’re gonna stand here and tell me you kept this from me because you care about me? Because you want to keep me safe?”

“It’s not just you y/n, I have an obligation to protect this city.”

“Obligation my ass, Matthew. That’s what the police are for, hell that’s why you’re a lawyer!”

“You don’t understand, the police are corrupt and there’s only so much the law can do. Sometimes… you have to take matters into your own hands.”

“My god, you can be so dramatic sometimes. Do you even care that you’re putting yourself in danger every night?”

“It’s not about me, I need to do this.”

“What you need is some help, Matthew. And I’m not going to be the one to give it to you, I’m sorry.” you said solemnly, picking up your jacket from his couch. “I’m heading home, goodnight Matt.” you said walking towards him and pressing a chasté kiss to his cheek, then turning around and walking towards the door.

“Yeah let’s talk tomorrow… when we’ve both had some time to think.” You roll your eyes with a sigh at his words. What a great time for him to finally make a mature comment.

“I love you, y/n” Matt added on, your heart freezing up at his words. Or maybe that was your body, you weren’t sure. All you knew was that you lost all feeling in your limbs and turned back to look at Matt’s sightless gaze.

“No.” You said lowly.

“No?” He repeated back.

“No, you don’t get to tell me that for the first time ever now. Not tonight, not when we’re doing this.” You shouted out, hot tears now streaming down your face.

“I’ve loved you for a long time y/n, I’m sorry this is the first time I’m saying it.” Matt added on, only furthering your anger towards him.

“No you’re not fucking sorry, and you haven’t always fucking loved me! You just want to think you’ve loved me longer than I’ve been in love with you!” You screamed, sick to your stomach with all the emotions you were going through.

“So if you love me too then why are you screaming at me?!” Matt shouted back, matching your energy with a deep angry voice.

“Because this isn’t how I wanted this to happen!” You said, voice breaking.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” He said, tone barely softening.

“Because I fell in love with you the day I met you back in college and I’ve dreamed about us and what it would be like when you first told me you loved me, and believe me it didn’t happen like this.” You said, fully breaking down now.

Matt now came to your side and cradled you as you fell to your knees. Soothing his hand over your back as he pulled you into his lap.

“I’ve loved you since I first laid eyes on you Matt, and I hate knowing that you probably haven’t felt the same until a few months ago.” You said quietly, crying into his broad shoulders.

“How do you know I haven’t loved you since I laid eyes on you too?” Matt asked, holding you tight.

“Because you’ve been blind since the day we met.” You joked, humor acting as a crutch for you.

Matt let out a small chuckle.

“And what if it was love at first scent?” Matt asked, your tears slowly stopped.

“Yeah, sure.” you said with a stiff laugh.

“No really, you were wearing that same perfume you still wear to this day. I remember standing on the second floor and your perfume hit me like a wave when you started walking up the stairs, it stood out amongst everyone else at that party. It stood out amongst every other girl buried in cheap designer perfume at that party.” Matt took a pause feeling you take your head out of the crook of his neck.

“I could hear you raving about the scent on your way up the stairs to your friend. You just bought it that afternoon, you asked Leila about three different times if you smelled alright. She insisted amongst all the sweaty bodies clustered together it didn’t matter if you smelled good or not.” There was a brief silence that followed, you searched Matt’s face for any sign that maybe he was making this all up or that he was just kidding. But he was stoic, un-telling.

“So what would you say if I claimed I actually fell for you first?” Matt asked, bringing one hand under the chin as he used his thumb to swipe away the last of your tears.

“I’d say that you’re full of shit Murdock.” You said with a giggle.

“Yeah well I think we both knew that.” He joked back.

“But I’d also say it sounds like we’ve both kept some pretty serious secrets from each other from each other for a long time. And I don’t wanna keep secrets just to keep you.”

Matt pulled you in for a sweet kiss, pulling away but keeping his forehead rested on yours.

“I love you, now ain’t that the worst thing you ever heard?” You spoke quietly with a smile.

“It’s the best thing I ever heard darling, I love you too. No more secrets, okay?”

“No more secrets” you said in agreement, pulling Matt in for another kiss.

You took a deep breath, pushing yourself out of the memory. “You did make me a liar that night”

“Yeah, but it was for the better wasn’t it?” Matt said, his heart sounding as full as ever.

“True, I’m just glad Foggy didn’t mention that shared trauma we have now.” You spoke lightly.

“I almost wish he did, that speech was mortifying.” Matt mentally grimaced.

“Hey mister, you’ve never even seen the polaroid!”

With a loud clink of his glass, Foggy stood up and said “Okay everyone, now it’s time for what you’ve all actually been waiting for- my speech! Best men always give the best speeches, and I promise you I won’t be drunk for this one.” Foggy joked, making everyone in the room laugh and then provide him with their attention.

“Now I’m about to tell you all a story, this dates back to Y/n, Matt, and I’s last year in Colombia. A story I’m not even sure they remember, but maybe this will jog their memory…” Foggy spoke gleefully, taking an item out from the bag next to him. You gasped, never thinking you’d see it again. The rest of your guests gasped and laughed as well as Foggy raised a framed polaroid, showing it off to everyone. “He doesn’t still have…” Matt trailed off asking you to confirm his suspicions. “Oh, he does. And he’s showing it to everyone.” you said dreadfully, hiding your face in Matt’s chest.

“This is a polaroid kids, how we used to take pictures back in the day! Nah, I just liked the vintage feel it had. But still, this is a picture of the first time Matt and y/n had ever gotten together. I had successfully convinced Matt to take a night off and join y/n and I at a friend’s dorm of mine, and got everyone just a little tipsy before suggesting we play seven minutes in heaven. Childish game, I know. But hey, it worked didn’t it?” The guests laughed wildly as Foggy smiled brightly.

“I’ve never moved faster than when I shoved Matt and Y/n in that tiny dorm closet as soon as the bottle landed on him. I remember whispering in his ear “Don’t fuck this up!” or something along the lines of that.” Foggy said with a laugh, thinking back fondly on the memory as the guests laughed loudly. “Clearly, my advice worked because five minutes later we all heard rumbling coming from the closet, and I was surprised when I opened the door two minutes later they both still had all their clothes on! Can’t say the same for that night though. Regardless, I had the bright idea to make good use of my vintage camera and snapped a picture right as I opened the door and captured this beauty.” Foggy said, showing off the picture one more time for good measure.

“Which I now present to you, Mr. and Mrs. Murdock as my wedding gift to you. May your marriage be filled with love, joy, trust, and happiness. Also less office sex so Karen and I stopped getting scarred for fucks sake!” Foggy shouted, making you turn bright red and Matt flash a cocky smile. “No promises buddy!” Matt chimed back, giving your thigh a suggestive squeeze as he kissed you sweetly, causing your guests to erupt in a final bout of laughter and awws.

“We weren’t very good on that ‘less office sex request, were we?” You said quietly.

As of late, Matt had been a little too involved with his nightly daredevil activities and not involved enough with work; and barely involved with you at all. This frustrated you, hell it frustrated Foggy and Karen too because Matt had promised them he could balance his work life with his vigilante duties. Now he was leaving straight for the streets straight after work, and only coming home maybe an hour before you woke up to change into a new suit. Foggy noticed new bruises every day, Karen inconspicuously wiped blood off the back of his head when he was speaking to clients.

It was the worst for you. In order to maintain some level of professionalism you acted only as what you were hired for, an office assistant. Even if you had been seeing Matt for months now and were even living with him, you both agreed it wouldn’t be appropriate to show your relationship in front of clients. So you were proper and polite during the day, fulfilling your job expectations for Karen, Matt, and Foggy. You always eagerly awaited the evenings when the work day was through and you could come home to Matt and be your loving self with him. But you weren’t getting those nights anyone, all you got was sleepless nights and dissatisfying orgasms from trying to please yourself half as good as Matt did.

You decided if Matt wasn’t going to change his ways and see how his actions were affecting others, you’d show him. Oh no no no, you’d tease him, give him a reason to come home.

You decided to show up to work commando, knowing Matt would be the only one to notice. A short pencil skirt and silk blouse, something he would enjoy running his fingers over. You were teasing him, trailing around him all day. When Foggy and Karen said they were going out to lunch and offered for Matt to join them he was about to say yes when you came in front of him and palmed him through his slacks and whispered “stay here.”

Matt took a deep gulp and shakily announced that he would be staying back. Foggy and Karen bid their goodbyes and went on their way. As soon as you heard the door click shut you backed Matt into his office chair and propped yourself up on his desk. Spreading your legs wide you took Matt’s hand in yours and guided it to your uncovered heat. He let out a silent moan feeling your slick wetness that was starting to pool on his desk.

“You know how much I admire you, Matty?” You asked, your free hand coming to his chin and staring into his red lenses. Matt just nodded subtly as you helped him dip two fingers into your entrance.

“I admire your everlasting search for the good in people, and the undying fight against everyone who’s done nothing but bad. You’re so good Matty.” You praised with an affectionate voice. Matt’s hands started to move on their accord as he pumped his rough fingers in and out of you.

“What I don’t admire is when you leave me sitting all alone at night, waiting for you to come home.” You said, causing Matt’s fingers to come to a halt.

“I get lonely, Matthew. I also worry, I miss you late at night. You know, I’m surprised you don’t hear my moans when I’m desperately trying to use my own fingers to fuck myself half as good as you do.” You confessed, a considerable tent growing in Matt’s boxers.

“Y/n I—”

“Ah ah” you stopped Matt’s attempts to apologize for his absence.

“You will make up for all this tonight…” you started, taking Matt’s wrist and pulling his soaked fingers out of your cunt. You tried to not whine at the loss of contact, bringing his fingers to your lips and licking yourself off of them. “Understood?” You said, closing your legs and hopping off Matt’s desk. But he grabbed your wrist without looking at you and said. “You know I don’t like negotiations, sweetheart.” Matt said with a warning tone.

“You negotiate for a living Matty, don’t lie to me. I have no sympathy for the devil.” You said, pressing a chasté kiss to his lips and making your way to the door of his office. “I’ll see you tonight, Matthew.”

Matt pursed his lips for a moment, probably thinking back to an entirely different incident of office sex. “Foggy doesn’t have to know that.”

“No, but I’m sure he’ll get to hear all about my embarrassing amount of anxiety I had on the flight here that you just think is one of the cutest things about me.” you deadpanned, not even wanting to remember how high your heartbeat went.

You were over the moon that you had been able to convince your boyfriend, Matthew-workaholic-Murdock, to take a vacation with you; truly. But you may have not completely thought it through. It’s not that you weren’t grateful, hell it took months of dating just to convince him to take a night off from his daredevil activities. It’s just that you wanted to go somewhere special to ring in the new year, and you couldn’t exactly drive to Paris. Much to your dismay, you had to fly.

When sitting on the couch of your now shared studio apartment, you bought your plane tickets with Matt by your side. He was practically still drowning in your dread that filled the air.

“Okay, we’ve bought the plane tickets now. Why are you still tense?” Matt asked, wrapping his arm around your shoulder. You took a deep sigh, and admitted a buried fear of yours. “I… I don’t like flying.” you said smally, vaguely ashamed of yourself.

“You don’t like flying? How’d I never find this out after years of knowing you? And didn’t you used to go on trips all the time when you were younger?” Matt questioned, somewhat amused at your distaste for aviation.

“Hey, we haven’t even been in an actual relationship together for a year yet. Also yes, I did travel a lot when I was younger. I used to be a lot worse about flying, I’ve gotten better. It still just makes me… anxious.” you confessed, nesteling into Matt’s side.

“Honey I promise you everything is going to be just fine. We’ll sit next to each other the whole time and I’ll be there for you no matter what, alright?” Matt said reassuringly. Running his hand up and down your arm soothingly. You breathed a sigh of contentment, relaxing under his touch.

- two weeks later -

The day of your trip finally came, and you were in line to board the plane. Surprisingly there was more excitement coursing through your veins than nervousness at the moment, but as soon as you found your seats and the plane started to depart from the gate that excitement fizzled out. But Matt was there for you.

A soft hand on your knee, brushing his thumb up and down the inside of your thigh. Then as you started to take off, the worst part for you, he’d held onto your hand and you tightly squeezed his back. Your free hand twitched sporadically as you tried to focus on leveling out your breathing, thankful Matt wasn’t in your ear shoving down words of encouragement like most people would think is helpful. He stayed silent, letting his physical presence do all the comforting. As soon as you’d reached a cruising altitude he’d lean over and give you a quick peck on the cheek, assuring you that everything was alright.

You tended to listen to music when you flew, it was a good distraction. So you didn’t even notice (mostly because you were trying to not pay any attention to your own anxieties) that your heart rate was still consistently high despite the fact you’ve just been sitting for the past 20 minutes since take-off. But Matt noticed, he always does.

Matt smoothly moved up the arm rest in between the two of you and extended his arm over your shoulder, pulling you into his rather calm embrace. “We’re safe darling, it’s okay.” He said reassuringly, causing you to face him with a perplexed facial expression.

“I know Matty.” You said, thinking maybe he was the one getting nervous now. Matt looked to his left to see the stranger in the aisle seat already knocked out and then back to you as he whispered “your heartbeat is still very fast sweetheart, I can tell you’re still anxious.” He said in a low whisper.

Not wanting to believe your own body still wasn’t over your fear of flying you held two fingers to your pulse point and counted. Matt kept his arm around you as you realized sure enough your heart was ready to beat its way out of your chest. “So it appears I am…” you said sheepishly, further snuggling into your boyfriend’s embrace.

“Why don’t you listen to my heartbeat? Maybe hearing something calm will help.” Matt offered, soothing one of his hands over the back of your head as he ran his fingers through your hair. You nodded in agreement and placed your ear to his chest, sure enough the steady and calm heartbeat thumping along in Matt’s chest was more than enough to soothe your anxieties. Unintentionally, you fell asleep in minutes.

It wasn’t until 7 hours later when Matt was gently nudging you and rubbing the side of your arm that you woke up again. You looked around to see an empty plane and a few swooning airline attendants.

“Hate to burst your bubble but we’ve got to get off the plane now honey.” Matt said with a sweet and soft tone, one of the stewardesses nearly going weak at the knees over the tooth-rottenly cute display of love you two were showing.

“Oh, shit.” You said groggily, quickly grabbing your carry-on and departing from the plane. Matt was right behind you with a huge smile on his face. When you turned to face him at baggage claim to see that smirk still plastered you rolled your eyes at him.

“Something tells me you enjoyed that little nap I took more than me.” You said teasingly, poking at his chest in an accusatorial way.

“And would it be a crime if I did, counselor?” He mocked back, looking cheeky as ever.

“Maybe, but I’ve got a few punishments in mind if you’re willing to serve the time.” You said slyly, wrapping your arms around his neck as you played with the hair at the nape of his neck.

“Oh sweetheart, that’s what the hotel is for.” He pointed out, leaning down and connecting your lips to his in a loving kiss.

“Think you’ll take another nap on the flight home?” Matt asked inquisitively

“Say the word ‘flight’ again and you’ll ruin the rest of the year for me.” You said ever-so-seriously, but Matt could only laugh.

“You mean the year that’s about to end in two minutes?” Matt asked with a smile, but your smile dropped.

“Midnight is in less than two minutes? Why didn’t you tell me? I need to finish my champagne!” You said hurriedly as you started to drink your flute rather quickly.

“Well it’s not really gonna be new years for another six hours.” Matt said simply, but you gave him a confused look as you lowered the now empty glass from your face. “What?” You said talking through a hiccup that came from drinking so quickly.

“You know, ‘cause we’re on New York time.” Matt said with a smile.

“Well I hate to break the news to you but we’re not in New York, we’re on the top of the goddamn eiffel tower!” you said with increasing volume towards the end of your sentence, prompting a few heads to turn your way. But you just giggled and looked up at Matt as you set your flute aside.

“January 1st me would’ve never believed where December 31st me ended up, but I couldn't be happier with where I am now and how far we’ve come.” You said sweetly to Matt, wrapping your arms around his neck as the people around you started counting down the seconds to midnight.

“This was the best year, I can’t wait to see what the rest of our years together hold. Happy New Year, Y/n.” Matt said sweetly, leaning in for a kiss as everyone shouted out “3. . . 2. . . 1. . . Happy new year!”

“Happy new year Matty.” You said, heart as full and content as can possibly be as you pressed your lips to Matts. Officially ringing the new year, together.

—

A/N

I’m a little stoned as I write this so bare with me. Here I sit in my bed at 3AM on December 31st, thinking back on what an amazing year this has been for me on tumblr and with my writing. I remember having around 250 followers at the start of January, and even posting on January 5th and I quote “I am surely developing a thing for Matt Murdock, will I end up writing fics about him? Guess we’ll all just have to wait and see.” which became one of the most ironic things I said this year because I wrote 28 fics and blurbs about Matt Murdock alone this year, 12 of those smutty. Now I am nearly at 1,000 followers, a milestone I am sure I’ll hit in 2023 and celebrate greatly.

Tumblr has not always been my friend this year, flagging my account as expłicit more times than I can count, prompting me to keep a screenshot of tumblr’s guidelines that clearly stated erot!ca was allowed in my favorites for an easy reference every time I had to send in an appeal. But it’s the first place I’ve felt proud of what I write and more importantly, seen it openly admired and loved by others as well. I wouldn’t be here without all the amazing people that read my stories, so thank you.

I wrote this fun little crackfic to showcase a smidge of what I’ve written this year alone rolled together in one story with links and references like a taylor swift music video. I’ve slowed down with writing since October, but I recently got a new job with my dream cosmetics company and also retail during the holidays is hell. I hope to get back on top of my writing in January and continue to provide consistent and amazing content to you all.

Thank you all so much for every read, like, comment, repub, and ask. Thank you for reading the deepest parts of my mind. Thank you for reading.

Happy New Year.

Much Love,

—Skyler

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jay-anxiety · 2 months

Text

James “Bucky” Barnes x Reader

“Hands”

Summary: Bucky is scared he will be to rough with you, he’s not.

Warnings and notes: long ass drabble lol, Bucky brain rot, sweet Bucky, give bro a hug please, insecure Bucky, mentions of violence, mentions of insecurity, soft soft soft

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Bucky’s hands are rough. Not even speaking on the literal metal one, his other hand is dry and calloused with little scars littering his knuckles and palms like a permanent game of connecting the dots. He’s strong, unbelievably so, and it is one of the things that makes him the most useful when he fights. His grip strength can shatter bones and he breaks glasses in your kitchen in the middle of the night when you ask him with those pretty doe eyes to grab you a glass of water. Even in his clumsy, nervous state of sharing your space, he’d never tell you no.

One of the things he fears the most when it comes to you is his ability to keep himself from hurting you. It’s led to arguments where you beg him to show you affection and in a frustrated fit, he admits that he’s scared to touch you. That he has nightmares and horrible daydreams about what would happen if he accidentally squeezed a little too hard one day.

You know his arm and hand taunt him every day like a demon, a never ceasing reminder of what he is, what he’s done, what he was forced to do. And in his mind, he’s scared that you’ll finally think too long about it, realize that he isn’t someone you’re not fully safe around. He thinks that one night, you’ll stay up late and worry about your safety, just like he does when he lies awake at night with doubtful thoughts about his seemingly nonexistent gentleness.

But, after that fit of frustration and his admission of fear, you surprise him. You tell him that you don’t believe he could ever really hurt you, that he could be so soft if he would just let himself be. So, to make you happy, he does.

The transition is gradual, slowly working up with acts of physical affection. You wanted to take it slow as to not spook him, and as nervous as he was about it, he let you set that pace. He trusted you with his anxieties, knowing that if they could ever be soothed, it would be by your hands.

The first time you initiated physical affection without warning, the two of you were walking down one of the main roads in the city. Bucky is constantly looking over his shoulder in public, but he feels a bit more at ease when he’s with you. But, he always insists on walking on the side of the sidewalk closest to the road and he always has an eye on you. As you walk together and he listens to your sweet ramblings about nothing with an easy smile on his face, you link your pinky with his. It’s nothing to you, barely touching as you keep talking. But to Bucky, he feels every last nerve in his body catch on fire. And because it’s you, he loves it. He lets himself enjoy it, gripping your pinky with his as his smile widens a bit further. You take notice of it and that little sparkle in his pupils makes your heart swell, but for his sake, you decide not to comment on that gorgeous lovesick look in his eyes.

As the two of you get more comfortable with one another, he warms up to your affection and even initiates it often. The more he touches you, the safer he feels, the more the tension leaves his body, the more he trusts himself. And as he gets comfortable with, even craving of, affection, you start to notice how truly sweet his hands are.

You notice that all of his touches start with a feather-light caress of you, brushing against your skin or clothes like he’s scared he may not be allowed. When his hand finally meets you, the contrast of the rough, warm callouses of his right hand and the smooth, cool metal of his left against your soft, unburdened skin makes you weak in the knees. Despite his hands being so large and deadly, they hold you like glass, like you’ll crumble into dust in his palms. His fingers are so big, but so gentle and soothing that they make you drowsy when they meet your cheek. His hands always make you feel small and protected, safer than you’ve ever been.

And the kicker? He doesn’t even notice that the way he handles you compares to anything else is different. Even with the members of his team, with his friends that he now considers family, he’s rough. He breaks things on accident all the time because he doesn’t realize that he’s putting too much pressure on them. But, it’s like his body has an off switch to his toughness when he reaches for you. He doesn’t realize it, but his full body language automatically changes when he wants to hold you. His shoulders go slack and his fingers flex before resting softly around you. He’s constantly asking if he’s squeezing too tight, if he’s making you uncomfortable, but he never even comes close.

And after you tell him everything, how soft he is and how much you love it, he smiles at you like you’ve dragged him out of the hell of his mind. He’s so happy, so relieved, that he has never hurt you, that his soul understands that you are the most precious thing to him. And the both of you realize that no matter how rough his hands are, no matter what they’ve done, they’re always soft on you.

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Notes: holy moly this one was so self indulgent 😭, sorry if it’s not really what was expected or if it has a lot of mistakes, I needed to get this out. And as always, thank you for reading and constructive criticism is always welcome 💕💕💕

#bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes #bucky barns x reader #bucky x reader #bucky x you #bucky barns x y/n #marvel #bucky x y/n

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souryoong · 2 years

Text

say it like that | myg (18+)

Pairing: rapper!/producer!yoongi x model!reader

Genre: slow burn / romance / smut

Spotify playlist linked here.

Want to be added to my tag list(s)? click here.

"I believe you when you say it like that."

Synopsis: After yet another one of your relationships ends badly, you have given up on looking for love again. You never expect to find everything that you've been looking for in a desirable & sweet rapper/producer. And as for min yoongi, he's prepared to give you everything and more.

Chapter 2 warnings: some mentions of anxiety/nerves, kissing!!, yoongi is a sweet boy (not a warning but he’s cute)

Word count: 1,979

Masterlist/Last chapter/Next chapter

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Chapter 2

“So, he asked you to come to his studio?” Hoseok spoke into the phone.

You called him the morning after you went over to his apartment while Yoongi was there. You were in the middle of your morning skin care routine, and it was all you could think about. You had to tell Hoseok as soon as possible.

“Yes, but what’s odd is that he didn’t tell me where it’s at or what time to go.” You applied toner onto your face with a cotton pad. “Like do I just show up?”

Hoseok laughed. “Well, he has two studios. One in his house and one at the company building.”

“Oh. I assume he meant at the company building.” You slightly laughed. “I highly doubt he was inviting me to his house.”

“Hey, never assume, (Y/N).” Hoseok spoke.

“Stop, you’re making me nervous.” Your tone changed, and you heard Hoseok laugh. “Over literally nothing.”

Hoseok’s laugh made you start laughing.

“So, what time should I go there?” You asked Hoseok. “Since I’m kind of just showing up.”

“Yoongi can easily spend all day in his studio.” Hoseok responded. “Not even necessarily working on music. Sometimes he just likes to hang out there. I’d probably go in the evening.”

“Okay. Can you send me the address and stuff? I have no idea where I’m going.”

Hoseok chuckled. “Yeah, of course. I’ll text you the address. It’s at our company building which I’m sure you already know but I’ll send it to you anyways, along with where to go.”

“Thank you, Hobi. What would I do without you?” You spoke into the phone, smiling.

“I think you would get lost.” He laughed. “Look (Y/N) I have to get going. Let me know how everything goes, okay?”

You let out a nervous sigh. “Okay, bye Hobi.”

Hoseok said his goodbyes and hung up the phone.

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`Later that evening, you were getting ready to leave your apartment, feeling like you were running back and forth trying not to forget anything.

You grabbed your keys after slipping on your shoes and headed out the door.

Getting in the elevator, you looked at yourself in the mirrored walls, double checking that your hair looked good, and your makeup was okay. You let out a sigh. You were nervous, but for some reason you kept denying it to yourself. It wasn’t making you feel better.

The elevator doors opened to the lobby, and you walked outside to your car parked in front of the building.

After checking your phone and seeing that Hoseok texted you the address along with instructions as to what floor it was on and who to talk to.

Hoseok: I texted Yoongi and he said he let the front desk staff know you’re coming.

Oh great. But at least that makes things easier.

You texted him back a quick thank you and started your car, making the drive to Yoongi’s studio.

It wasn’t a long drive; about 20 minutes. You ended up finding a parking spot across the street from the building. You felt nervous up until the moment you opened the large doors, revealing a very scenic lobby. Lots of greenery with potted plants, contrasting with white tile floors and high ceilings that were home to large windows that let the perfect amount of sunlight in.

You took your sunglasses off, approaching the woman at the desk in the middle of the lobby.

“Hi!” She greeted you politely. “Are you here to see somebody?”

You cleared your throat. “Yes. My name is (Y/N), I’m here to see Yoongi.”

“Oh! Yes.” She nodded. “Yoongi told us you were coming. Go to the elevator on the far left and one of the security guards will take you up.”

You nodded towards her and said thank you, then made your way to the elevator where a male security guard met you. He didn’t say much to you, just verified that you were there to see Yoongi, and he took you up to the floor.

His studio was right down the hall from the elevator, with a sign marked “Genius Lab.” You felt all your nerves came back the moment that you knocked on the door.

You were looking around at the other doors down the hallway when abruptly Yoongi opened the door, greeting you with a smile.

“You made it!” He stepped back, allowing you to walk in. “How are you?”

“I’m good.” You answered, letting Yoongi close the door behind you.

“It wasn’t hard to find, was it?” Yoongi asked you, running his fingers through his blonde hair.

“No.” You laughed. “Although I was not expecting the security escort.”

“Oh, I forgot that they’d do that.” Yoongi chuckled. “I should have told them not to.”

“Yeah, it was interesting.” You motioned to the couch that was close to the both of you, holding your purse. “Can I set this here?”

Yoongi nodded. “Sorry about some of the boxes. I recently got some new stuff.”

“That’s okay.” You looked around, noticing his keyboards, and beside them was a set of electronic drums. “Oh, you know how to play the drums?”

“Well, those aren’t technically real drums.” Yoongi laughed. “They’re just the electronic ones. I got them because I wanted to learn. I’m getting better but I wouldn’t say I’m a pro quite yet.”

You walked closer to them. “Hey that’s more than I can say. I can’t play either kind.” You kind of laughed to yourself.

“Hey, its never too late to learn.” He smiled at you.

You smiled. “Yeah, if I had the time. You play the piano, don’t you?”

“Yeah. That I can say I’m good at.” He laughed to himself. “I’ve been playing for as long as I can remember.”

“You’ll have to play me something.”

“Next time.” Yoongi smirked at you, making your face feel hot.

Next time?

“I’m not sure what I’m looking at here.” You approached his extravagant set up, looking at the two large screens in front of you.

Yoongi chuckled. “I wouldn’t expect you to. You can sit down and check it out.”

You sat down in his chair, then felt a presence behind you. Yoongi was leaning over behind you.

He grabbed the computer mouse, clicking out of whatever he had opened on the screen.

“I know you said you didn’t know what you were looking at, but I still don’t think I’m allowed to show you that.” He laughed.

Now that he was closer to you, you couldn’t help but admire him. You felt like you could never get sick of seeing him smile. He smelled like the perfect combination of lavender and spice. And his hands, oh god his hands. He probably had the prettiest hands that you’ve ever seen on a man. The way his dusty blonde hair fell into his face almost perfectly. Yoongi was very attractive, and you couldn’t believe it took you this long to notice it.

You realized that you were probably staring at him for a little too long. He cleared his throat, snapping you out of your trance.

“Did you say something?” You asked, hoping he didn’t notice.

“Yes.” Yoongi responded, laughing. “But you looked like you were in your own little world.”

“Sorry.” You laughed at yourself, your face feeling flushed from the slight embarrassment. “I was looking at your picture over here. I didn’t know you had a dog.” You were looking at a small polaroid picture of a brown poodle.

“Oh him?” Yoongi smiled. “That’s Holly. For how small he looks he sure does take up a lot of space on my bed.”

You laughed. “He’s cute.”

Yoongi put his hand on the table, and you were once again aware of the fact that he was so close to you. Damn your nerves.

You looked up at him, smiling. “What?”

“I’m admiring you.” Yoongi was so close to you.

You swallowed, eager to see where this was going. “Yeah?”

He looked like he thought for a second, then he leaned down into you. You knew where this was going, and you were going to let it happen. Yoongi kissed you.

His lips were soft, almost feeling like they were made for kissing you, and you only. The kiss was gentle, your hand instinctively moved into his hair, desperately wanting to pull him closer.

He pulled away first, his face was still close to yours. Your mind was still processing what had just happened.

“Can I tell you something?” Yoongi asked you, his voice low.

“Yeah.” You were practically holding your breath.

He brushed a strand of hair away from his face. “I um –” Yoongi paused, laughing at himself getting shy for a moment. “I was thinking about what it would be like to kiss you.”

You didn’t know what to say. Yes, you always had thought Yoongi was kind of cute when Hoseok would bring him around, but you never thought he would ever feel the same way. You both never really had the chance to talk to each other alone.

The moment was interrupted by a knock on the door, somewhat startling you.

“Oh. I forgot.” Yoongi spoke, walking to the door. “Do you like coffee? I ordered us some. I didn’t know what you would like so I got you an iced coffee with milk.”

He opened the door, grabbing the bag that held the drink carrier with the coffees.

“Yoongi, you didn’t have to.” You turned around, watching him walk back over to you with the bag.

He set the bag down on the table in front of you, smiling. “Hey, I know I have to have my coffee, so I thought I would be nice and get you one too.”

He took the drinks out of the bag, an iced coffee with milk for you, and an iced americano for himself.

Yoongi took a sip of his coffee, then was suddenly rummaging through drawers like he was looking for something.

You swirled your coffee in your hand to stir it, then took a sip. “You know, if you have to work, I can get out of your way.”

“No, it’s fine.” Yoongi shook his head, still searching for whatever he was looking for. “I’ve got plenty of work done. I’ve been here almost all day.”

He found what he was looking for, it was a blank cd in a case labeled “demo.”

“Here.” He handed you the cd. “I assume you like music, because well, who doesn’t. If I’m not producing someone else’s songs, I do produce my own. I recorded that the other day and I’d like to know what you think of it.”

“I appreciate you asking for my opinion, but I’m not sure I’ll be any help.” You laughed slightly.

“It doesn’t matter.” Yoongi spoke. “Any kind of feedback works for me.”

It felt like you had spent hours with Yoongi in his studio, he showed you practically every piece of equipment, and how it worked. Somehow, he accidentally turned on the microphone to record in the booth, and then finding out it recorded your laughter.

When you decided that it was getting late, you both left together. Yoongi walked you to your car that was parked across the street outside. You got inside your car, but before you could shut the door, Yoongi was talking to you.

“Thanks for hanging out with me tonight, I hope it wasn’t boring.” He joked.

You smiled. “No, thanks for inviting me. I had I great time, I mean that.”

“I’ll let you go home; I know you probably have a shoot or something tomorrow morning.” Yoongi added. “But can I ask you one thing?”

“Yeah, anything.”

“Can I call you sometime?” He asked you in the sweetest tone you ever heard, and you swore right then and there that your heart melted.

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@dearlyjoonie @thepurpleghost @wobblewobble822

#bts smut #bts fanfic #min yoongi #min yoongi smut #min yoongi fanfic #yoongi x reader #yoongi x y/n

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