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i-am-a-l0st-gh0st · 9 months

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★Masterlist★

- Albedo

Underneath the Stars- "I heard you talking in your sleep."-\

Brainrot- Fluff

-Scara

im scum, im waste, im what you want- 'I thought I told you not to smile at other men.'

Part 2

Part 3

What am I gonna do- "Why are you asking me such stupid questions?"

Hold me closer and I'll hold back- "Same old heart with the same old tricks, hold me closer and I’ll hold back"

He says everything I need to hear- And its like i couldn't ask for anything better

If im dead to you why are at the wake?- Cursing my name, wishing I'd stayed

-Alhaitham

A soulmate who wasn't meant to be- 'Was our relationship just a joke to you...?'

All the stars aligned- "And what name should I put?"

When I'm not with you think of me always- "Everything is alright just hold on tight, that's because I'm a god old fashioned lover boy"

In front of all your stupid friends- "If you kissed me would it be just like i dreamed?"

Brainrot

When I'd fight you used to tell me I was brave- “Cause I loved you, I swear I love you… Till my dying day…”

-Kaeya

One last time- 'Can you just kiss me? One last time? That's all I ask...'

I'll do anything you ask of me- My fingers pressed until their sore

-Tighnari

Wandering in the woods- "It's alright Collei, they should be okay. You did good."

-Xiao

Falling asleep on him- 'He was rarely shown affection and was very unsure what do to when he received it.'

Drunk under a street light- "But I knew you, dancing in your Levis drunk under a street light"-

You said you love me exactly the way I am- "Guess I must be satisfactory you said you love me exactly the way I am"

Show me how you care- Show me how you smile

Meet me at our spot- Baby, are you coming for the ride?

Childe

In your arms tonight-. 'You hadn't been hugged by anyone like this in years, so of course some tears were shed.'

Hey I miss your stupid face- Get back to my place, I need you. It hurts so much to wait

I never meant to hurt you though- I pushed a lot back but I can't forget it

Neuvillette

But I didn't need to be stronger I needed to be saved- You wanted nothing more than to hold him

And that's why I love fall- I love you y/n don't you forget that

With eyes as dead as mine- "Oh, what a blessing to meet someone like you."

Could you ever imagine where our lives could be- Luckily you saw something in me, something I couldn’t see

Ayato

But now he's playing with your head- "God will you stop being so clingy!"

They never know what you know- "It's not that simple but they won't seem to notice"

All the leaves are brown- And the sky is grey

Kaveh

All this over a kiss- "You're Y/N, my Fiance!"

Clung on tightly, like parentheses- "And every sentence that a spoke began and ended with ellipsis"

I wanna be your favourite boy- "I wanna be the one who makes your day, the one you think about as you lie awake"

Why don't you love me anymore?- But you say I don't know how to love

Lyney

I don't know what to do without you- "Please, I'm still the same lyney you fell in love with"

Please hold me close to you- Baby flatline still time to do it too

And i thought you might be mine- In a small world, on an exceptionally rainy Tuesday night

Feeling sick of myself- Guess I'll try to be someone else (trans masc reader)

The breathing exercises hurt- They don't do fuck all

Wriothesley

Yeah, you made it all alright- Those words were for you and for you alone

Why do I myself dream like this?- "But perhaps its just my stupid hea in the end

We fell in love in October- That's why I love fall

They say it's such a shame, I turned out this way- "The red means I love you."

We listen to a lot of true crime- But it's alright, she'll be fine

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Breaking my back just know your name- Well, some body told me, that you have a boyfriend.

Make sure nobody sees you leave- Tell your friends you're out for a run

Heizou

I can't stop you putting roots in my dream land- Despite being a detective many things about you were still a mystery that he could never figure out.

Thoma

Sweet tea in the summer- "Sweet tea in the summer, cross my heart won't tell no other"

You know i wanna be your light- In darkness, How you find me just in time to tell me what I needed to hear.

Kazuha

I don't deserve you, you deserve the world- Every time that i miss you I feel the way you hurt

Diluc

Oh what a blessing to meet someone like you- "With eyes as dead as mine"

Just know that if you hide, it doesn't go away- When you get out of bed don't end up stranded

It's always been just him and me together- So I'll bet all I have on that

Multi

Coming out as Non-binary

Gaming

If you're lost you can look and find me- Time after Time

Arlecchino

Date rambles-

My kinda girl- Im down on my hands and knees begging you please baby

#genshin #genshin impact #gn reader #genshin x reader #angst #genshin fluff #fluff #genshin angst

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robinismywifee · 9 months

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Back to the Old House - Chapter 3:

July 21, 2034

[5 days after Chapter 2]

Raines age: 16 years, 5 months

Ellies age: 15 years, 2 months

"When you cycled by.."

CW: Raine struggling with eating

Words: 2020

Masterlist

Raines POV:

I layed in the bed of Maria and Tommys guest bedroom. This has been what my past 4 days have been looking like.

Just me, laying in bed, staring at the wall or ceiling, eyebags hanging low, with my thoughts.

About 98% of my thoughts were of my mom and how i'm gonna find her. Where I could look, how I can escape this place, how long its gonna take, but how worth it it'll be once I see her face.

The other 2% was how tired I was and how badly I wish I didn't get saved and just had died right then and there.

I didn't let myself think of Ellie. She stayed out of my mind. That whole day of talking with Tommy and Joel, that poor nurse, stayed out of my mind.

I didn't move an inch once I heard a knock at the door.

"Can I come in?"

It was Maria. I really didn't want her to. I just wanted to be left alone.

"I'm gonna come in anyways" Maria said after a minute of me not answering her. I heard the door open but I stayed in my position of laying on my side staring at the wall. I felt a dip on the bed- Maria sat on the foot of my bed. I felt her hand touch my ankle.

"You haven't aten 3 days.. and when you ate it was only half a meal"

Yeah, so?

"And god knows how little water you've geen drinking"

"Can you talk to me please?"

I glanced at her, "I don't get why you act like that" I mumbled, it felt weird to talk. I hadn't it 2 days.

"Act like what?" She asked softly,

"Like you care" My voice was quiet and tired.

"I do care"

"No. No, you don't"

"Why do you think that?"

"Cause why the fuck would you care for some girl you've known for 6 days"

"I've known you for-"

"I was unconscious it doesn't fucking count. And you don't know anything about me, I've said 2 short paragraphs to you, tops."

"I know that you've been through a lot. I know that you're just a kid. And that's enough for me"

I scoffed, but didn't say anything.

"Can you please just do me a favor?"

I stayed silent again, still not looking at her

"Can you please come out with me for dinner? just try to eat. Just try, thats all I want"

"M' not hungry"

"You're gonna starve yourself to death. I know its hard, but you have to eat.

Look, if you're not gonna try for me, try for the other people that care"

"Shut the fuck up Maria, nobody cares for me and it's okay, i've been used to it. Stop fucking pretending"

"I'm not pretending. If nobody cares for you, then why did Ellie save you? Why did she stay in that chair holding your hand in the hospital bed for days straight. She even forgot to eat from how worried she was about you."

I rolled my eyes, "Do not make shit up just to make me feel better"

"You think i'm making shit up? I've never once lied to you, and I dont plan on it ever. If you don't believe me, ask anyone if Ellie stayed with you in the hospital.. I'll be waiting in the living room for you, take your time"

Instead of declining, I stayed silent. Did Ellie really stay with me? Did she really hold my hand? Why would Maria lie this much about that? What if shes telling the truth? Fuck. I need to stop thinking about her.

After awhile, I was ready. I brushed my teeth and hair, and put on shoes. I looked in the mirror. I had a vertical cut right under my eye, I think its gonna be permanent. My eye bags were hideous. I never felt uglier.

I walked im the living room to see Maria staring at her watch, "i'm ready" I said to her, voice low. Maria turned to me and smiled. "You look nice. You'd look even better if you got some sleep though. Did you try those pills?"

She asked as we headed out, "Uh. Yeah"

"Well?" She asked looking at me, but I just glanced at her, "Did they work?"

I shrugged. Yes, I woke up and had to run to the bathroom to throw up from my dream. Maria sighed, rubbing my shoulder at my lack of conversation.

"Well, I have more if you want them."

I stayed silent again, No, I dont fucking want them, unless I don't get that nightmare I have any time I fucking sleep.

We walked in silence then, well, Maria pointed out how nice the weather was and shit, but it was pretty quiet.

As we walked, I heard a girl from afar.

"Ellie! slow down! we're gonna crash!"

I immediately turned to where the girls voice came from. I unconsciously frowned at the sight of the same girl, from that night that Ellie held hands with, the girl behind Ellie holding onto her waist as they both were on a bike, Ellie peddling fast.

"Oh, come on! It's fun, just hold on tighter!"

"You're gonna kill me!"

Ellies mouth opened as she laughed, her head leaning back.

Her eyes shinned like the stars with joy.

Her smile was genuine and gentle.

The strands of her hair that escaped from her ponytail danced around the wind.

"Hey! keep your eyes on the road!" the girl said.

Ellie laughed again, her smile bright. "But you're making me laugh"

"I dont care! Please slow d-"

"Hey" Maria shouted, I jumped at it as she also shook my shoulder slightly, "You okay?" she asked with a worried expression, I shoved her hand off of me and moved past her to try and find Ellie and the girl, but they already were gone. "Raine? Is everything okay?"

I couldn't bring myself to speak, it felt like my mouth was sewn shut. I could feel my chest rise up and down faster and it got harder to breath.

"I.." My shakey voice started, "can we.." I let out heavy breaths, "go back"

Maria had guilt in her eyes, "Yeah. Yeah, lets go back, come on. I'll make you food at home."

I don't even remember the way back to Marias. My vision was blurry from tears in my eyes and I didn't even know where I was walking, my head was down as Maria was just leading me the whole time with her hand on my back.

I felt so stupid. Why did I suddenly get like that? All teary eyed and hard to breath? Just from seeing Ellie Williams laugh and have fun?

"I- i'm sorry, Maria" I panted out once we got home, all the tears I was holding back on the walk came falling down.

Maria shut the door and went on one knee to get more to my level since my head was down still. "Hey, don't be sorry, you tried. That's all that matters. Do you want to talk about what happened? Why it happened?"

"I-"

I couldn't even make out a sentence, I squeezed my eyes shut and covered my face with my hands feeling embarrassed. "It's okay, Raine. You don't have to. I can't even imagine what you've been through. Just focus on your breathing, okay?"

I nodded, hands still covering my face, and tried to do what she said. "Just breath slowly, in and out, could you do that for me?"

She guided me through catching my breath until I was calm and stopped crying, both of us still in the same position.

"You don't wanna talk about it, do you?"

I quickly shake my head embarrassed, she nodded. "Can you still try and eat? I can make you a sandwich"

I nodded, slightly, "Good. You'll get sick if you don't"

Maria made me a chicken sandwich, and I ended up eating it all. It was hard, but it shouldn't be. Thinking back to all the times were I would eat literally anything I could find it felt weird to not want to. For it to be hard, to eat a real, fresh, sandwich.

୨♡୧

After that day, everything has been very stiff and miserable. It had been weeks, of just laying in bed, eyes dry from not blinking, eyes sagging from lack of sleep, and shoving food down my mouth.

It had been weeks, and i've probably only gone out of the property 2 times.

Maria was starting to get really worried, I could tell everytime she made me get out of the bedroom to watch a movie with her, just to do something.

I sat at the dinner table alongside Maria and Tommy, eating venison and vegetables.

"So, Raine, how have you been feeling lately?"

Tommy asked.

"Fine"

I replied. Noticing how they both glanced at eachother, not believing my single word.

"Well, me and Maria have been doing some thinking.."

I glanced up at him suspiciously, Tommy had his mouth opened to continue his thought but it seemed he couldn't find the right words, so Maria took over.

"We just think that it would be good for you to be outside. To get out of the house, get some fresh air. Get vitamins from the sun.."

"I do go outside. I read out there" I state, motioning behind me to the back door.

"Yes, you do go outside in the backyard.. but we were talking more.. social."

My heart dropped at her words. I mentally scoffed at myself for my heart pumping at just one fucking word.

"W-what do you mean?" I knew what she meant.

"Well.. maybe you could, start working around. Something you like to do. You like books, maybe you could, work at the library? Maybe teach the younger kids how to read and write?"

I shook my head, "m'not good with kids" I mumbled. I wasn't even lying to get out of it, I honestly just don't have the patience for that young of children.

"Okay well, do you like farming maybe? It's simple and relaxing.."

"No"

They nodded, "Well.. does any job sound interesting around here?"

I stared down at my food, picking at it with my fork thinking. "I'm good with killing?" I said, unsure of where that would take me. "Oh.."

"Then, hows about you do group patrol?" Tommy asked in a pronising tone.

I furrowed my brows together, "No, m'not good with groups, they slow me down."

Maria and Tommy glanced at eachother. "Even though you are only 16.. we could.. make an acception" Maria started, glancing back to Tommy, who looked suprised.

"What kind of acception?"

"We usually only let people who are 18 or older to do partner patrol, but Jesse has been asking me a lot lately if he could start early, as hes also 16.. and he is really good out there, hes fast, won't slow you down. Maybe you two would work really well together."

"I, uh, don't know who Jesse is, but if he's fast and not annoying, then I would like that"

Maria nodded, a small smile present on her face, she turned to Tommy, "Yeah, I think- I think that would he great" Tommy nodded.

"Great. Raine, whenever you're ready, just come and talk to me and i'll take you to the shooting range so I can see how you are with your gun, I trust that you will do well out there considering how far you've come, but just to be sure. Does that sound okay?"

I nod my head. Is this really my future? Will I really stay here forever? Why am I just giving up on my mother like that. I don't even deserve to live here safely with food and water, not with what i've done. With the thoughts i've had.

༶•┈┈┈┈┈┈୨♡୧┈┈┈┈┈•༶

#the last of us #ellie williams #ellie williams tlou #ellie williams tlou2 #ellie williams x female reader #ellie williams x oc #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams x you #back to the old house #ellie williams fanfic #ellie williams fanfiction #ellie williams series #the last of us part 2

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firelordhotman · 1 year

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I have a question for if you suffer with chronic pain. Sometime last year I injured myself and have been living with chronic pain since, I live in fear everyday of causing flair ups because of how excruciating my pain is- and when I'm in pain I feel like my life is over. I cannot barely move, every step and shift is agonizing, i am rendered bed ridden at times. Do you have any tips on how to live life accepting your pain?

honestly anon, i wish i had more advice for you than i do! chronic pain is really hard to deal with, both physically and mentally, and im still in the process of figuring out how to accept and deal with it myself. im by no means an expert and honestly honored that you would come to me of all people for advice! if i have anything useful to offer you, its this: remember that nobody else in the world knows what its like to live in your body, except for you. and the people who actually care about you will know and respect this.

the last thing we need when flaring up is doctors and family members telling us that they know our pain better than we do - and yet, that seems to be all we get. they just LOVE to tell us that our pain cant possibly be THAT bad, that if we push beyond our limits just a liiiiittle bit more, we can “overcome” it (whatever that means). spoiler alert: if you try to push through the pain, all you will get is more pain! plus, you probably wont meet whatever unrealistically ableist expectations you were trying to meet anyway. pain exists for a reason! its your body's way of telling you that it cant do whatever youre asking it to do. and that really, really fuckin sucks when all youre asking it to do is, like, Exist, outside of your bed. it sucks bad. that's where the secret weapon comes in: a solid support system!

...okay, okay, i know the ~power of friendship~ wont actually fix anything. but the shitty thing is nothing else is really capable of "fixing" chronic pain either, aside from medication. so it still makes all the difference to have someone who genuinely *believes* you, and moreso who *respects* your needs and your limits. if i could wish for you to have one thing, anon, be it irl or online, it would be to have someone you can always reliably complain to about your pain without fear of judgement; someone who will check you whenever you start spiraling too deep into internalized ableism thoughts; someone who will keep you company on your worst days and say "you dont deserve this pain, but i will sit through it with you, and if you cant make it out of bed to see life's joys and pleasures, then by god i will bring life's joys and pleasures to you!!!"

(oh, and weed. lots and lots of weed)

#assuming that youre over 21 and its legal of course (wink wink nudge nudge)#srsly tho i know theres not a lot of Material advice here but accepting your disability is really hard and theres not much else to do but .#Accept it!#i love u anon i hope this helps even a little bit #chronic pain #disability #cpunk #anonymous

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funkylittledemon · 2 months

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autism and emotions is so.... well it fucking sucks is what it is. i need my mind to slow down for a second to get all these thoughts down bc i will explode if i dont get them out there (hence why this post - only bee is gonna see this & knows me enough to be worried for more than an hour or so and if i put this where nobody can see it aint actually out there) (wassup bee dw i am okay)

anyway

i say that life is just getting to me rn and it is but thats too vague a statement. current affairs (an impartial term but a useful one here) are getting to me - I'm trying to navigate adulthood while it feels like the life i was promised is being taken away by whatever event you want to pick; global warming, late-stage capitalism, multiple genocides, the list goes on. and I'm one of the lucky ones!! how fucked up is that! so there's that constant stress hanging above my head.

then there's more abstract life: navigating uni and living alone and looking after myself while forming relationships and starting to try carve a path for myself. this one isn't as bad but still can't be ignored and the fact that interpersonal relationships have become so scrutinised through social media doesn't help. no matter the insecurity you have or your own specific factors there will be someone online telling you your worst fears are right - i cant say how many times ive scrolled past a reel saying that i havent had a message back because "he" doesn't care. does the person saying this even know I've seen it, let alone who i am or who "he" is? No!! but the sentiment sticks with you despite only seeing it for 3 seconds before scrolling on, despite logically knowing it can't apply to me because its a catch-all statement to everyone who feels insecure pushed onto us by an algorithm that thinks we want to hear that. social media is feeding into our fears and insecurities and we can't stop it. as an autistic person whos insecure as fuck and who knows they dont understand a lot of societal cues being told by some random person that im right to be insecure really doesn't help - i get the idea of something stuck in my head and bc i know its bs i try get it out which cements it further into my mind and lends it credence.

then there's uni itself - i am now faced with the realisation that everything leading me up to uni and my course has been about me helping other people, often to my own detriment. i chose a counselling course because i was always the therapist friend, the one who everyone else went to for help. and wouldn't you know it I've been burnt out for years and literally don't have it in me to help strangers, or give a shit about their lives. i cared so much and made my entire life about helping other people that i had no idea what i wanted to do. im switching to just psychology now, because it is interesting and i do enjoy it but im kind of lost now i dont have that purpose. it also scares me just how much of my life hadn't been about me at all and im still not sure who i am if im not helping someone. obviously thats the dramatic version but you get the gist. uni's been a wakeup call i wasn't prepared for and theres the work and exams on top of that

christ this is long. okay. what else was there. emotions. god i hate emotions. this is the hard bit. all my emotions are so so big and i am so so small and it feels like they would devour me whole if they could. anxiety is a big one. recently pretty much all ive been feeling is anxiety - a deep anxiety that makes me nauseous pretty much 24/7. last week on friday i had what i call a breakdown. i still dont understand it (which is scary enough - every other breakdown i can disect and point to the cause). i just sarted screaming in the middle of the street and couldn't stop and its making me anxious just typing this up. then there was a day of panic attack after panic attack (lost count after the 4th i think) and then a few days later and some bad decisions (booze. ik i shouldn't have drank but i thought i was ok to drink) i had another breakdown. i dont remember much of this one but it ended in me being locked out and sobbing - security had to let me in and it must've been bad bc the guy gave me a card with hotlines on it. (again, i am okay). i lost my leather jacket that night which both sucks bc i loved that jacket and also the fact that it's gone is a constant reminder of something im ashamed of. after that it was just this constant nauseating anxiety, occasionally spiralling into something more but not significant enough to include. the thing about me and emotions is that my strategy for dealing with them is to ignore and repress them until they're not my problem anymore. which is bad. but idk how to cope with them healthily and when i feel okay i never know if its because i repressed them again or because i genuinely feel okay. being around other people helps but thats probably not a great thing - i hide my emotions from other people to avoid being a burden. not that its always a bad thing that my friends make me feel better its just not a sustainable approach to constantly avoid being alone. i have this constant struggle of feeling emotions so intensely then feeling shame because of how intensely i felt those emotions or how they made me act.

going on from emotions fucking me over and moving on from Life being an issue anxiety is a fucking bitch. all my life I've felt like an outsider and so constantly nervous about everything. it was hell and then in 6th form i made friends who were so so confident and i finally started to relax a little bit more and not feel bad about taking up space. uni was even better! i had flatmates i loved and i was going out doing things I'd never dreamed of and i was making friends!! i barely recognised myself and i loved it!! then the breakdown happened and i was plunged headfirst back into the old cycle of anxiety and going back to that after feeling what life could be like? that was worse than the breakdown. it feels like ive never felt worse and the knowledge that theres no reason for it, that nothing had actually changed other than me and i could still be out there with confidence but i wasn't was such a crushing feeling it felt like i was never gonna feel okay again. dramatic i know but the truth.

im home for easter break now and typing this out has helped and going back to my old stomping grounds has shown me i have still changed and i do still have the confidence even if i couldn't access it for a hot min. I'm still anxious but thats okay. my emotions don't have an all poweful spell over me and anxiety can suck my dick. there's still the fear that I'll go back to uni and it'll all come rushing back however im just gonna see how this break goes. im gonna be alone whether i like it or not while im down here and if i can manage to be okay with that then I'll be fine. and i do have a support system both here and up at university.

#life updates with fish #vent post #ig #honestly i might not be okay but that's alright. i dont have to be okay and i don't have to be ashamed #im doing better than i was though #but every time i type that the anxiety returns so probably not actually its just more managable #long post #fuck me this was longer than i thought it was gonna be #oops oh well

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iaminsomniaaa · 2 years

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I dont know what im doing wrong .. i try and try to feel better but i cant my mind isnt even the sane anymore its nothing but bad thoughts that consume my mind and i feel so lost but i try to make it seem like im doing okay but in all of this bullshit im feeling very exhausted.. i feel like i keep trying for a life that i dont even want anymore i feel like i wanna give up cause im tired , tired of feeling like nothing is gonna get better , people may say im selfish for thinking of wanting to die and not feel this pain anymore but not being selfish look where it got me . I feel like my people would be better off without me im too much of a fucking mess that i might as well just leave .. If i ever disappear im not sorry im just tired of being here and tired of making others happy i think its better that i give up on people before they give up on me cause every each person thats in my life atm deserves somebody who isnt as broken as me somebody who has their mind right .. who doesnt cry at night bc they are fighting the urge to wanna kill them selfs .. Everyday i get up its a new day but the pain still lingers and i start to feel more dead inside whenever im alone all my thoughts eat me up , i start to punch myself , bite myself , push my nails inside my hand bc im not ready to face anything in this life i done faced it all and im exhausted im telling you EXHAUSTED!!!! because i cant handle things like normal people can .. Today 2 years ago was the day i had taken a bar and blacked out and tried to kill myself i think every day maybe if God wouldve just let me go i wouldnt have to deal with anymore pain but here i am still with the same pain that makes me feel like shit everyday .. I wanna give up and im not sorry at fucking all bc i never deserved to feel or go through all this fucking endless pain bro so dont u think for one fucking second that im selfish bc i tried and tried and when i say i wanna die i mean that fucking shit bc nobody cares .. Nobody will notice me being gone i deserve to leave i hate it here dont u fucking get it ? i hate it fucking here !!!!

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forsean · 2 years

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Honestly, It's just low self esteem.

Physically imperfect

Mentally draining,

Not right in the head.

Gotta make up for that.

Charming laughter

And romance brewing,

Perfection not skin deep.

Is how I make up for

The stretch marks on my waist,

Under my arms,

Rash cause of chafe,

Unkept hair and pools of sweat

Cause I cant make it up a set of stairs

Without panting or breathing heavily.

I don't know why I'm not myself,

I do try to be

But its easier to hide.

I want you to stay around,

You recognise that I'm here,

Even if you barely know me yet.

I guess I think I have to make up for

The stretch marks on my waist,

Under my arms,

Rash cause of chafe,

Unkept hair and pools of sweat

Cause I cant make it up a set of stairs

Without panting or breathing heavily.

I don't even think he'll care

Cause he seems kind enough,

But you barely know him yet.

Youve infatuated your mind,

With fantasies of mine,

Of romance and gestures

That make you feel right,

But you know in the end,

This will make the fall from grace

So much worse this time.

Nobody knows how im feeling,

Another tear wiped away,

Another puddle of rain,

I feel so out of place.

I just want communication,

Tell me we're okay,

Tell me you're not dreading to see my face.

I know It's all in my head but I know what I'm like.

Needing reassurance like an addiction I can't live without.

Where's the needle, wheres my fix,

I'm craving it, I'm sick

In my head I feel blinded by

Internal screams of hatred and

A begging for forgiveness,

I can't help the way I look,

I can't clog the wheels of my brain but

I can come to term

And try to learn,

Processing what I'm living with.

All my physical imperfections

Shouldn't be relevant to you,

I don't know you yet so how do I

Know how you'l react or what you'll think.

I guess we'll see what the case is.

I think I'm just scared,

Way too hard on myself.

I will never be perfect,

I just wish I wasn't so far from it.

But i guess thats just life aint it.

So I guess ill calmn down and move on until the next existential crisis hits me in a few days time.

Whats the best way to unwind?

#lgbtq #lostlyricist #lyricist #lyrics #music #anxiety #depression #weight #weightloss #lowselfesteem #boyproblems

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mokutone · 2 years

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Wasnt gonna submit a kakashi cause i figured youd get a bunch already like ur tags said lol. So if someone else hasnt already suggested him then kakashi for that ask thing :^]

hehehehe!!!!

answers under the cut!

favorite thing about them —there's a lot to love abt kakashi if i'm gonna be honest, but the biggest thing for me is that he DOES care for these kids immensely. he drops by naruto's apartment to give him vegetables, he constantly puts himself in danger to protect the kids, on a couple of occasions he straight up ignores + disrespects the hokage just to listen to naruto ramble about ramen. similarly with yamato—even when sai joins the team, kakashi does make a point of telling sai he's a member of the team, not just Yamato's responsibility, but Kakashi's too...like. he's not great with kids at all. but my god does he try!

least favorite thing about them — 100% the convo with sasuke before sasuke booked it. he fucked that up so royally that i just know the rest of his life he's going to be laying awake in his bed thinking "why did i say that? why did i say any of that? why was my first instinct in that situation to belittle sasuke? Who let me be in charge of children. why did i let myself be put in charge of children." like. it makes sense for him, he really has no children skills, but also im not going to lie thinking about that scene makes me insane. i want to attack kakashi. good god dude, you could've called gai in!! or tenzō!!! why did you say there was nobody in your life who mattered to you. why did you say that to this kid, who like it or not, looks up to you both as a teacher and as the only person left with any attatchment to the uchiha clan + the sharingan, who isn't his murderous brother. i genuinely have to think that he forgot that kids want to be understood, and was just straight up dealing with sasuke as he might a rogue soldier. i'm so. ugh. kakashi... favorite line — "In the Ninja World, those who break the rules are scum, that's true...but those who abandon their friends are worse than scum." its really good for not only understanding kakashi but also the central theme of naruto, but mostly i picked it as my favorite because i remind kate of this when we're playing fortnite + laugh like a hyena afterward. brOTP —okay so. Gai is canonically Kakashi's best friend and i love that so much and respect that and as far as Kakashi is concerned, that is the absolute brotp. If you like Kakashi I think you have to respect this immensely. Gai is without a doubt the most important relationship that Kakashi has!!! they better each other in all ways and they have an undying and complicated friendship built up over decades with trust and dedication.

but also.

this is transparently a Yamato-centric blog, and Kakashi is 100% Yamato's favorite person, so Yamato and Kakashi's friendship is the most important to me personally, even if Yamato is not Kakashi's best friend.

OTP —i'm not a huge ship person, but if i had to pick one it would be kakayamagai nOTP —ehhh?? i'm not a huge ship person. kakaobi puts me on edge a bit i guess? really not my thing. random headcanon — i think his grandmother on sakumo's side was an inuzuka. because of this, after sakumo died, a handful of the inuzuka clan were very adamant that kakashi, by right, should belong to the inuzuka clan as next of kin. kakashi, five years old and freshly traumatized, now the only surviving member of the hatake clan AND incredibly wary of bonds and friendships because he's seen whats happened to sakumo, contested this. they actually got in a legal dispute in front of the hokage. fucking five year old kakashi dully but determinedly saying he's Not going to be an inuzuka, and the inuzuka clan (represented by a headstrong teenage tsume) going "what's is wrong with this ungrateful kid! not every orphan gets this kind of opportunity!" eventually hiruzen sided with kakashi, because hiruzen is morally bankrupt and doesn't care if children raise themselves. once kakashi becomes the 6th hokage, he's subject to occasional visits from tsume where she comes to bully him about visiting the inuzuka compound (under threat of inuzuka clan rebellion without. Peace Talks. over dumplings that kiba's been trying to perfect), and telling him how nice it is to have an inuzuka beneath the hat, and he's just like. ma'am...please...have mercy...

unpopular opinion — i think he would look soooo bad in a suit. he would not look suave or sexy. he could make like the fanciest most well made three piece suit look like a tracksuit he pulled out of the laundry before it went thru the wash. and like. he would! he would delight in that! if you forced this man into a suit, he would purchase one at least two sizes too large for him and hed slump around in it.

he has the hair of a half dried paintbrush, the posture of a puppet with its strings cut, and the general vibe of a dog with a tail between its legs.

not to say that can't be attractive to u if ur into that. its just. u know. he's not going to be james bond if you put him in a suit, u feel me?

he's going to look like a temp who is going to get let go from his accounting firm for making all the cups of coffee from the same keurig pod not realizing that after the first one its just vaguely coffee flavored water, and also for not knowing how to save a file. He probably would know how to save a file but just pretended he didn't to get on somebody's nerves

song i associate with them — Why Can't This Be Easy by Red Vox

So tell me, tell me Why can't this be easy? I've heard it once I've heard it all before So settle down Relax yourself, completely You can't get down if you're always in control

Here out so far It's a long way Long way back I've never been so far before

favorite picture of them

this one legitimately makes me rlly happy bc like. the original context was funny enough, but since trans naruto tumblr has had fun with it in regard to passing, its SO funny to me!

you pass. 💛

#saturnsexual #towardbetterthings #yamswers #kakashi #he doesnt wear socks in his dress shoes either. shame him

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lolawassad · 2 years

Note

Hey it’s me again. I have another request haha I was wondering if you could write a murphy x reader where the reader falls asleep on his shoulder and he goes all soft and is like “nobody fucking move or i’ll kill you myself or sum” haha. And if you want you could harper and monty be like the readers parents again. And in they case it would be like they finally understand that Murphy actually cares about the reader and isn’t just using them or something. (he proves himself to them in a way yk?)

Hope this makes sense, happy writing!! :))

John murphy (almost wrote john purple??) X reader

3rd pov

Monty walks in with a big smile "i did something new with the algae" he says proudely murphy who is sitting next to y/n scoffs.

"You trying to put me in a coma again?" He asks annoyed, making y/n and harper giggle "yeah 'dad' you trying to kill my boyfriend?" Y/n asks playfully, the dad part makes monty smile even more and the boyfriend part makes murphy cockily put his arm over his girlfriends shoulder with a smirk.

"See shes on my side" murphy says proud making the girl next to him shake her head "murp.. Dont be rude to my dad, he might actually poison the algea, remember the whole 'ill kill ya' speech he gave?" She asks concerned.

Bellamy glares at the couple in front of him as if echo isnt holding his hand on the table and scoffs "face it murphy, you wont ever be good enough for our little sunshine" he mocks, y/n kicks him under the table and echo slaps his chest letting go of his hand "dont be mean, i think.. You guys are a very cute couple" echo smiles before adding "remember my threat too okay little sky boy?"

Y/n sighs annoyed before shaking her head and walking away from the dinner table.

Murphy glares at the older couple before chasing after his girlfriend "doll" he yells before grabbing her arm, he lifts her up bridal style and takes her to the big window facing earth, he sits her down and then sits next to her.

"They just really fucking love you baby" he tells y/n making her scoff "its so annoying, everybody is a couple everyone deserves happieness but then i wanna be happy with you and its not okay, i mean i have had a crush on you since you punched finn the first day on earth cause he looked at me funny and then blamed it on me being friends with jasper so i was under your protec-" he cuts her off with a kiss

"i have had a crush on you since that day too, i didnt think you wanted anything to do with me because you scolded me and i didnt talk to you until after i got hanged and you stormed up and demanded they take me down. When connor put that knife against your throat i got so fucking pissed, thats why i took my anger out on him instead of wanting Charlotte to get floated. im happy Charlotte is still alive by the way, i heard she met a grounder her age before the bunker closed" y/n's head falls onto murphy's shoulder and he pulls her closer, their backs now against the wall facing the window "do you wanna go back J?" Y/n asks looking at earth

John just shrugs "im going where ever the fuck my girl is, so.. Do you wanna go back, doll?" The girl nods her head "i wanna see clarke, make up with her, i wanna see octavia, and just give her a hug, she needs one" she says

murphy nods in agreement before snorting "i bet she and lincoln are making childern as we fucking speak" y/n laughs

"Gross, i wouldnt be surprised if they already had a child though, i remember octavia saying she would have some kids with him when she told me about their relationship for the first time" she says

"what about you? You wanna have kids with me?" He asks, his mouth is in a smirk but his eyes are filled with hope. Y/n nods "fuck yeah, i want 3, and we shall call em huey dewey and louie-" he slaps her shoulder "fucking brat" he scolds her with a playfull laugh.

Murphy softly lays his head on her head and they just sit in silence watching the earth, it doesnt take long for y/n to fall asleep, leaving murphy with his thoughts on how lucky he is.

Then he hears the voices of the others, when they enter the hall way he softly but harshly tell them "shut the fuck up if you wake her i will take out your fucking eyeballs and shove them where the sun doesnt fucking shine yeah?" Before softly pulling his girl so shes laying on the floor with her head in his lap and starts playing with her hair.

Monty and bellamy look at each other and nod, echo and harper just smile at each other.

Raven and emori fake gag and whisper "gross affection" before raven jumps on emori's back and emori starts running away.

Thats how y/n wakes up, to a still staring at earth murphy and her head in his lap "i do want kids with you, i have had want them with you since the so many-th time you saved me" y/n says "i told octavia 'i want a boyfriend and kids but if he isnt john murphy then i will stay single and kidless my whole life" she continues before yawning and falling asleep again leaving John in happy tears

#the 100 x reader #x reader #john murphy x reader #john murphy x y/n #murphy x reader #the 100 #x y/n

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eremiie · 3 years

Text

i saw this post here and just wanted to dissect everything lmao

aot 139 spoilers

“Eren admits that he literally killed 80% of the world’s population, he then says he only did it so it would look like eldians stopped a threat”

eren admit to killing 80% of the population bc he did... he’s admitting to what he did, and he says that he wanted to paint them to be the heroes— but not only did he do that, he ended the curse of ymir and gained freedom for his people. it wasn’t just to paint them as heroes

“He also did it so the rest of the world couldnt murder them”

he didn’t “also” do it for that reason, it was an effect, the rumbling ended up killing so many people that they can’t wage war on the eldians like eren says, it keeps them a little safe which they needed especially since some of humanity knows that paradis is what started the rumbling. it’s a cause and effect type thing. because eren killed 80% of the population that remaining population won’t be able to retaliate and try to kill the eldians since there are so little of them

the tybur family is treated like some of martyr and apparently pulling the strings which led to the deaths of millions of innocent eldians was actually a GOOD thing

this scene was interpreted wrong, armin says “...so you want us to be like the tyburs after the great titan war? we’re supposed to protect paradis from reprisal from humanity outside the walls?” he’s asking eren if that’s what they’re gonna do, he never says it’s a good thing. then that’s when eren explains that either way so much of humanity is destroyed that they wouldn’t be able to retaliate if they wanted to

Armin THANKS him for it

armin thanks eren for doing what he did to free them. not thanking eren for for mass murder period. it’s because of eren that the curse is lifted and that they are free and that’s what armin’s thanking eren for. mass murder is inexcusable, and eren knows that. that’s why after he panics and goes “but i dont want to die!” he comes to a realization that all the people he killed didn’t want to either, that the only way to atone for his sins is by dying himself. even if he didn’t die he would’ve probably been executed, or imprisoned for the rest of the life. just like in mikasa’s ova, “eren’s death is inevitable, no matter what reality you go to eren will always die because he carries death within himself.”

in another translation of the chapter armin thanks eren for being the bad guy so that they could win. he knows what eren did was bad. he’s not excusing it, he just understands why eren had to do it and that eren had no choice if he wanted them to be free.

from the get go freedom was one of the themes of eren’s character. if eren lived the whole entire world would be ruins and eren would’ve been even sadder than now, there would be nobody and it would’ve been worse than it is now. eren killing everyone was definitely not the ending to go. the ending we have could’ve been executed differently, sure, but in my eyes since i get the gist i think isa did an amazing job portraying what he had in mind.

“Armin is more upset with Eren saying he doesnt know how he feels about Mikasa moving on than mass genocide”

once again, armin isn’t all that upset with eren because he understands that eren had a path laid out for him that he had no choice to follow. the point of eren committing mass genocide keeps getting brought up as if it’s not know that mass genocide is a terrible thing. it is and that’s why everyone was so angry about it from the get go, that’s why that one plan of blackmailing humanity with the rumbling and not actually go through with it was brought up once— because they knew how cruel it is. armin knew how cruel it is as i believe it was him who brought that up

he’s upset with eren about mikasa’s feelings in like a banter kind of way. it’s like “this whole entire time this is how you felt but you couldn’t tell her that and let her suffer???? don’t forget what you said to her, she went through hell!” kind of thing. they had already talked about the whole mass genocide thing, mikasa was the next topic of discussion

“Eren then finally shows some fucking emotion and cries abt how he doesn’t want mikasa to be with anyone but him”

in another post i say, "okay so first i think the issue is that a lot of people fail to realize that the way eren acted all throughout season 4 isn’t eren really, that is him putting his emotions at bay so that he can complete something that he laid out for himself for his friends.eren from season 1-3 still exists, and that’s lowkey the eren that was talking the whole time in chapter 139— you can see the how he cares for his friends, you can see the desperation again, the compassion, everything in between.”

eren is still that s1-3 eren, season 4 eren just had to put his emotions aside so he could walk on the path that ymir put in front of him.

him crying over mikasa was one of his selfish desires coming to light, and it was realistic. it’s finally dawning on him that he’s gonna die, he’s finally getting to sit down and ponder about mikasa, he’s getting desperate, he’s panicking, and that compassion that he’s always had for his friends is showing through again. this gives realism to his character— it makes his character all the more human. one second he’s complaining about how he doesn’t want to die and wants to be with his friends bc its crashing on him, and the very next second he’s trying to be at peace with himself, realising that the only way to atone for what he caused is by dying. one second he’s complaining about how he wants miksa to be with anyone but him, the next second he’s coming to terms with himself and that mikasa needs to move on, because he loves her and wants her to live a long and happy life even if it means without him. the selfishness that showed for that mere second makes his character realistic. it shows that he’s still whiny, that little whiny angry boy from s1-3. he was never heartless and he was never cold. he was and is still eren jaeger, and you get a glimpse of the eren we know in that scene.

The founder ymir was apparently in love with the king???? another women stupidly devoted to a man, great.

i’m not too in depth with ymirs story so im not gonna speak too much about this because i myself do wish that whole love thingy went more into depth. i get how mikasa and ymir parallel each other, but other than that i’m not too sure myself, and i’ll admit that. it could be a case of stockholm syndrome, it could be that bc ymir was infatuated with living and she was confined to such a familial role she wanted to live in that role again with the king bc he’s the only person who gave her that familial lifestyle. i’m not sure. but if anything mikasa was im pretty sure the only character “devoted” to a man in aot. and it was because of the role eren played in her life, she’s not a bad written character, she has her developement. which i explain here

apparently mikasa’s unhealthy devotion to eren is what took her out of it????? in fact the series overly romanticizes mikasa’s love for eren despite the two having no chemistry and eren being an ass to her

in a sense, but that’s a simple minded way of saying it. ymir’s devotion to king fritz was unhealthy, eren describes it as “agony of love” because it was pretty unhealthy obvi. like i said ymir and mikasa parallel each other, and seeing mikasa be able to let go and kill the one she loves was that realization for ymir that she was able to do the same thing— that’s how i interpret that scene personally.

and in mikasa doing so, killing eren lifts that curse of ymir and frees ymir regardless, so ymir was happy about that as well. thanks to mikasa for cutting eren’s head off.

the series doesn’t necessarily over romanticize mikasa’s love for eren in my opinion. how i see it is that since eren is a big part of mikasa’s character he was necessary for her development as well, and her development was to let eren go because of how infatuated she was with him. this being said the series points out how unhealthy the way she loved him was especially in s1-3, and her love becomes more healthy when she gets her development in chap 139, finally being able to let eren go and move on. compare that to in the s1 when eren almost dies and she’s ready to die as well. thats development if you ask me.

one of the themes of the show is sacrifice, and almost every character has made one, mikasa sacrifices eren— she kills him and she chooses to go through with that decision despite how much she loves him.

eren was definitely mean to mikasa in s1-3 because she was overbearing, and thats one reason why i say the way she loved him was unhealthy at first. eren wasn’t able to reciprocate her love in the way that she loved him because it wasn’t healthy. eren also wasn’t able to reciprocate it because the last thing he was focused on was the concept of love. once again he had a path laid out for him that he had no choice but to follow, and mikasa didn’t have any play in this path until the very end, so the boy who keeps moving forward does just that and doesn’t pay her much mind, doesn’t get to sit down and think about his feelings for her, what she is to him.

(and i dont think i even need to explain the “mikasa i’ve always hated you seen, the chapter covers that enough)

they do have chemistry time to time, the eren v dina fritz scene, the scarf scene, “what am i to you”, little stuff like that goes into play and gives them these little sparks of chemistry. they couldn’t always grasp onto the full scope of the relationship they had and it was only some times they were able to do that with everything going on.

apparently the titans are just gone now….??? i cant even tell if its because Eren died or because Mikasa really made Ymir calm down

... eren controlling rumbling, eren dies rumbling stops, ymir finally lifts curse bc 1) eren died 2) shes able to come to realization that like mikasa lets eren go, she needs to let fritz go and the curse go. ymir lifts curse, eren’s goal is complete, if titan curse is lifted there are no more titans

Characters who murdered thousands and were the cause for AOT’s entire plot in the first place are now treated as heroes to the eldians… despite the shit that they did.

everyone in aot did some “shit” they all are murders, eren commited mass genocide, reiner commited mass murder, annie murdered so many people, reiner, armin destroyed thousands of people in one go, they all have killed somebody. they are seen as “heros” because they stopped the rumbling that was going to kill everyone else...... idk about you but if you just saved me from a horrid death, my racist opinion on you doesn’t really matter because you just saved my fucking life lmao, yes despite the shit that you did— because they have killed people too, and they were ready to kill the eldians still until armin told them that they killed eren, that they saved their lives and eliminated titans for good.... like whew???

the series went from “The military is cool” to “the military did a lot of fucked up shit” to “the military is SUPER cool”, and buffed it up

i’m not really sure where you got that tbh,, like the military wasn’t really a big thing up until the whole marleyan thing??? and they didn’t have much plot in the story besides it existing so like i’m not sure what to say ab this, i can’t really remember many times the military was even mentioned until now, but if anyone wants to elaborate on this for me that’d be nice

oh and they buffed up the military because since paradis had eren jaeger who started the rumbling, just in case, they had to be ready to fight again if the rest of humanity wanted to do something. after marley they updated all their technology, why can’t they update the military as well? it’s realistic, new weapons, new military, and all that

The military was buffed up bc the eldians are scared of the rest of the world retaliating, so Eren didn’t really fix shit except giving the Eldians an upper hand in the war

eren jaeger was the one who always screamed “i will kill all titans, we will get freedom” ya de ya de ya.... didn’t he do both of those things????? i thought those were some of his main goals as a character, he fixed those issues, the issues that have been issues since the start of the show

the rest of humanity don’t know the full scope like the eldians or marleyans, they’re probably just as scared and like in real life not all nations are at peace with one another. this is just another realistic factor— attack on titan is becoming a world closest to the real one we live in, there are militaries, there are still conflicts, there is still all these little aspects that bring the manga even more to life.

in my opinion it’d lowkey be weird if the rest of the world was just like “oh yeah those mfs that started the rumbling we love them haha” no... it killed 80% of the population like eren said... that’s not something to love.

Historia has a really disturbing speech about how the fight isnt going to end until either the Eldians or the rest of the world are exterminated, despite Gabi has an entire arc about her being deradicalized and learning to see the other side of things.

and yes i am not kidding, the heroic conclusion is that there’s still going to be a war, eldians are going to commit mass genocide (which was proposed by eren) and people straight up thank eren for the evil shit he did.

“this fight will not end until either eldia or the world dissapears. this is what eren said and he may be right.” she doesn’t say that it’s for sure gonna be a fight until one or the other is wiped out, she says there’s a possibility of this being the case because of the fact that these nations aren’t at complete peace yet.

not everyone is gonna be able to see the other side of things, and this applies to the whole word— us as humans will never be able to agree on one thing, and that’s what this shows. no matter what the cycle of hatred will always continue, and this applies to real life and this manga. we are human beings and that’s what makes what historia says even more real. “this is the world we live in, a world without titans.” titans are no longer their conflict. now it’s only like the real word— humans against humans, and as far as humanity existed it’s always been humans against humans. historia’s speech shows that.

the heroic conclusion is that as a human race nothing will always be agreed upon, eldians are going to fight if they need to like our military fights when they need to. people are thanking eren for freeing them and ending the curse of titans that they suffered with for 2000 years. nobody’s thanking him for his actions of mass genocide, they are thanking him for the motive behind his actions, and thats what makes him so heroic.

that he endured and did something so terrible so that anybody who lives after him can be free, and humanity can continue existing as humanity should’ve existed from the beginning.

and that concludes this for me, thanks for reading<3.

#attack on titan #snk 139 #aot spoilers #snk spoilers #aot 139

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weeb-writor · 3 years

Text

MHA boys dating an insecure quirkless reader

Heyo! Today I have request! Its is a lil sad but does have a happy ending as requested! It features two of my favorites Bakugou and Kirishima! And the reader is neutral as usual! I hope you all like it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bakugou Katsuki x Reader Kirishima Eijirou

Resquest: Bakugou and Kirishima with a quirkless reader who thinks they aren't good enough until Bakugou/Katsuki tell them they are good enough.

Words: 1442

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

BAKUGOU KATSUKI

The moment you set eyes on Bakugou you were in love. Did you believe in love at first before him, nah. What else could you call it except that. You were sure you could woo him though until 2 realities hit you straight in the face. 1. Your friend said he was a UA hero in training and 2. He was harsh and brash and would most likely hate you. So you gave up for the most part until one day while you were at a café you heard him and his loud friends come in and sit in the booth next you. They were studying, Bakugou was yelling at them, trying but failing to help them understand. You were just reading and kind of spaced out and yelled out the answer hoping they would quiet down. What you didn't account for was all their eyes suddenly on you.

“Woah how did you solve that so quickly!” A red head said with a cute grin. You were taken a back so you just blinked at the boy.

“You did that all in your head without scrap paper?” Bakugou said, eyebrows raised at you.

“Uhh yeah, it wasn't too hard!” You said turning away from their judgy glances.

“Huh well, im Bakugou Katsuki.” He said reaching his hand out to you with a blush. You hurried to shake it, astonished that he was letting you shake his hand. You don't know how it happened but shortly after that Bakugou claimed you were his person, his dumbass, and you of course let him. And when he had to rescue you from some of your constant bullies he told you it didn't matter you were quirkless. You were strong and perfect to him so fuck anyone who thought different. So how did you end up here, crying on the roof of an abandoned house? There were a few reasons why. One you felt hopeless Bakugou had just been in a fight nearly dying and you could do nothing but watch from home and two… well how could someone like you even stand near Bakugou let alone be good enough to date him. You in fact weren't not strong, or brave, or heroic. You are a quirkless kid who has nothing and nobody but yourself. Bakugou would realize it soon, that he was the star and you were just a kid wishing to be close to him. These are the awful thoughts that lead you here. Just gazing at the stars in the middle of the night.

“You haven't called me in weeks, seen me in weeks, when I come to you, you avoid me and then no one hears from you in a week and I find you here?!” A voice yelled from behind you, you immediately knew it was Bakugou.

“Oh Bakugou….” You said turning to him shocked to say the least.

“God dammit, I keep telling you to call me Katsuki. What’s happening Y/n, why are you acting like this? I don't understand, is it me?” He said, his eyes watery. You imdeiatly were filled with regret. The boy blamed himself for everything that ever went wrong and the last thing you ever wanted to do was add to it.

“No! Nothing to do with you, promise.” You said taking his head in your hands, making him meet your eyes.

“It's got something to with me, cause if it didn't, cause if you trusted me and loved me like you say you would talk to me.” He yelled as quietly as he could.

“It’s me, okay?!” You yelled at him. This got his attention you never yelled.

“I am kidding myself in this relationship.” You paused to let out a sad and watery chuckle. “I’m not… I'm not good enough for you. You are so amazing and you are gonna be number one someday. Surrounded by other great heroes and people, but me. I am a quirkless idiot who fell in love with someone way out of my league.”

“What a stubborn asshole you are. Maybe this is a punishment for bullying Deku all those years. I'm hopelessly in love with you, and you can't fathom that I love you. I don't know how many times I have to say I love you and I don't care that you’re quirkless. You are the only person good enough for me, the only person I’m not good enough for if anything. Okay? You are more than good enough for me.” He said eyes boring into yours. You felt as if a weight had been lifted off your chest. And with teary eyes you nodded at him before you were engulfed in a hug.

“Say that you're good enough.” He whispered to you.

“I am good enough for you… Katsuki.” You whispered back after a moment. Your head felt wet as he sniffled.

“Yeah you are dumbass.”

KIRISHIMA EIJIROU

You and Kirishima’s meeting was a little odd. You were walking home when you heard a soft voice coming from an alley. Ignoring everything your parents taught you about stranger danger you followed the voice. It led you to a red head boy who was laying on the ground calling for a cat.

“Is it your cat?” You asked sitting down next to him. He jumped at your voice but turned to look at you with a smile. You immediately noticed this was Red Riot, an up and coming Hero.

“No, just a stray who’s in pretty rough shape, figured he needed a hero.” He said combing through his hair.

“Okay, then let me help.” You said as you took some food from your backpack and trailed a line of food from the dumpster to you guys. It didn’t take long for the cat to wander out and get the food. Took him a while to trust you guys enough to take food from your hands but he did and now he was loving head pats from Bakugou’s big hand.

“What a hero you are.” Kirishima said as both of you got up the cat in the carrier.

“Oh no, just a quirkless person who loves animals!” You said with a soft smile. He blinked at you before grinning.

“Still my hero but I was thinking I’m gonna keep him. We could co-parent if you want! I’m Kirishima Eijirou!” He said handing you a piece of paper. Before you could respond, he was gone. This was how your relationship began. Your relationship remained this fun and interesting for 2 years before the doubts hit you. That’s how you ended up here. Scrolling through all the posts and comments about you and Kirishima since you had become public. There were a lot and a lot of them were accepting and nice but the others were disgusting. All of them about how you weren’t good enough, how you stole him away from Mina, his childhood sweetheart and how deserving of him she was. You were in such a daze you didn’t even notice Kirishima come in to talk to you.

“Y/n!!” He yelled to you. You quickly blinked at him with tears in your eyes.

“Welcome home!” You tried your best to smile. He just stared at you for a second before he took your phone which you failed to hide. You didn’t even try to get it back, knowing his strength. His face dropped as he read the comments.

“Y/n why are you reading stuff like this?” He said as he broke your phone in anger.

“Because it’s true!” You yelled back at him. His mouth hung open at that.

“Because I’m not good enough for you, I’m a quirkless wannabe and Mina she’s perfect and strong and she has a quirk! She is deserving of you and I’m not!” You screamed trying to wipe away the cascade of tears running down your face.

“You’re right, Mina is strong and yeah, she does have a kickass quirk. She is also one of my best friends but do you know what she is not? She isn’t you. Y/n I fell in love with you! Whatever that means and anything that means. You are more than good enough for me! No matter what you do on tv or online. I love you y/n and you're amazing. Quirk or not okay?” He said, beginning to cry too.

“Don’t cry!” You said wiping the tears from his face.

“Then stop thinking weird things! You are enough! You’re better than enough.”

“Okay I’ll work on it but stop crying.” You said laughing through your tears

“I can’t just stop crying on demand I’m not a robot y/n” He whined cutely at you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Masterlist

#bakugou katsuki x reader #bakugou x reader #bnha bakugo katsuki #bakugou x y/n #bakugou angst #kirishima eijirou x reader #kirishima x reader #kirishima x y/n #kirishima x you #bnha eijiro kirishima #bnha kirishima

245 notes · View notes

samwritesforyou · 4 years

Text

can the sinner get a happy ending?

Fandom: Code Geass

Summary: nunnally decides to clear lelouch’s name and lelouch - conveniently - around that time decides to visit his sister in disguise, because he just misses her so much. but what happens when he learns that people for some reason can’t remember him as a bloody emperor?

A/N: this fic is turning out to be longer than 15k already, so i will post only one part here, as of.. a “prologue”, or just a feel for you to what this story might bring with it. the rest i will upload on ao3! im really proud of this work :D enjoy!

also... im finally coming back to my favourite formatting of this “description” part for the fics, finally :D its been a mess last four fics, sorry! also sorry to everyone who doest follow me for code geass content, i will write different things too, dont worry!

Warnings: mention of a panic attack, no serious proof-reading

Wordcount: 4k (Prologue)

“Nunnally, I do not agree with this,” Suzaku said firmly, looking the empress straight in the eye, brows furrowed together.

“Suzaku-kun, I understand why you’re upset, but this will not harm the people in any capacity. I do this for my brother,” she stated just as strongly, not daring to shift her gaze elsewhere from his emerald pearls.

“But that doesn’t matter, using this power is just wrong!” he was almost yelling now, clutching his hand in the fist.

Whenever someone was talking about geass or even thought about using it, he always had severe reaction to that topic, probably due to all the trauma and suffering that it caused.

Kururugi has never had a fight with Nunnally yet, they had a calm relationship full of mutual love and trust. Despite her being Lelouch’s sister, she was never like him in any sense. And Suzaku feared the day once he’ll start to see the similarities. Despite loving his friend beyond any measure, his actions and thinking was oftentimes just.. extreme, to say the least. Extreme and dangerous, he was never supposed to gain the power he got ahold of. That’s what was going through Japanese’s mind as they were arguing with Nunnally.

She looked at him wide eyed and he could almost be able to see how the wall of trust they’d built together cracked ever so lightly, as the young empress lowered her gaze and sighed.

“Zero, this is an order. Tell Lloyd to have it ready by tomorrow,” there was such unfamiliar coldness in her tone that it made Suzaku stop in his tracks as she turned around in the wheelchair and started to drive away from him.

It was unfamiliar from her, yet.. so familiar from Lelouch.

There was hardly a day when he didn’t think of him. Either cursing him or praying to him to come back.

He didn’t wear a mask right now, because they were talking in the empress’ private rooms where no servants had access to, so he could be himself around here, yet.. yet she addressed him as Zero.

Suzaku’s green eyes shifted slowly, now looking at his feet.

He was clothed in the purple costume with gold lines, purple gloves and a white puff scarf tucked into the shirt. He hated it. He hated all of it. Every single fibre.

He fell to his knees, breath catching in his throat and he felt the familiar dizziness coming into motion.

He was having a panic attack.

It wasn’t anything new to him and Suzaku found out that the best way to fight it is to let it flow. Let it consume him and shiver uncontrollably, salty tears falling from his eyes onto the red carpet as he bowed his head to the floor.

He was alone possibly in the whole floor so there would be no one watching. No one acknowledging how much pain this human being has to endure, when his only wish is to die.. and when he can’t possibly even do that.

When he finally felt the convulsions stop and dizziness drifted away he sat up on the ground, lifting a hand to his face with a sigh that echoed through the richly decorated halls.

“What a fucking day,” man whispered to himself, slowly getting up and taking the mask of Zero, putting it on, feeling the material close surely around his head so no one could possible guess his true identity anymore.

The stare that nobody could see was deprived of any emotion. Now he was just a faceless person with a mission from the empress.

He went straight to Lloyd’s engineering wing, passing the painting of himself in the white suit as the pilot of the Lancelot, a piece of black cloth at the side of the golden frame, meaning that he’s still being mourned by the genius technician.

“Nunnally vi Britannia demands for the device to be ready by tomorrow,” he said sternly, never adjusting his cape as Lelouch always did - a waste of time and a touch that’s soaked with pretentiousness.

“Of course, Zero, your wish is my command! It’s almost ready anyways,” engineer answered, sitting alone by the table where he continued to work on some cables and connections to various pieces of metal.

He was offered to gain at least a dozen of good workers that could help him in his experiments but earl declined, saying that there’s nothing much to invent without his beautiful pilot and no grandiose war going on between Britannia and Japan anymore.

Suzaku just curtly nodded at that, staying watching him for a moment longer than necessary, just wishing he could reveal to him who he really is and that his pilot is still alive and well and could try some of his new knightmares if he ever makes some.

“Lloyd-san, it’s break time!” suddenly rung a high pitched voice through the empty working space as Cecile came closer to both of them with a little tray rattling with silverware and some food on the surface.

“Oh, Zero, I didn’t notice you come in,” she said sheepishly and smiled, pulling the tray towards him a little in an offering.

“Don’t you want to stay and have lunch with us?” she asked in her sweet voice, the one she uses when she wants to make the good impression, but Suzaku just sighed.

These two were the only people who didn’t really judge him. Even when they didn’t know his true identity, it almost seemed like they were friends like they were before. He liked spending time here, but possibly couldn’t keep them company in eating, since.. he couldn’t really take off his helmet.

“Cecile-san, you know that I mustn’t reveal my identity, hence I can’t keep you company at lunch. Only if I sat by the table without taking a single bite,” he said, a soft smile finally breaking to his lips, making the corners of his mouth go up just a little bit.

“Oh!” she exclaimed, finally realising why this offer wouldn’t work out, but then she said “oh” again and quickly made a beeline towards the main doors, locking them.

“But what if! I locked the main entrance so nobody could come in while we’re eating,” she started enthusiastically and then made another small run towards the light switch, looking with hope at her boss and then the masked man, “and we would also eat in pitch darkness, so you could finally enjoy something with acquaintances, like a normal person?” she smiled and then blinked comically, correcting herself and laughing nervously, “I’m not saying that you’re not normal, of course, I’m just. I realise that it must be hard to be wearing a mask all the time, mustn’t it?” she finished carefully, biting her lower lip.

“Cecile-kun, you’re making Zero intrigued, I think!” Lloyd barked a loud laugh, looking over at his ex-subordinate, “What do you say, Zero? I promise you no peeking!” he teased and got closer to him, wiggling his brows.

Suzaku couldn’t help himself but felt his smile growing wider at that suggestion. There really was no risk, right?

Did Cecile want to try it for a while now? Because it seems like a thought of plan, after all.

*If I keep shielding myself from others I might as well go insane sooner or later.. What’s the harm in one, pitch black lunch, right?..*

Suzaku thought to himself and then nodded.

“Okay, why not?” he said, making Cecile excitedly jump in the air and Lloyd lean deeper into his chair with a pleased hum.

“Alright! On the count of three I’ll turn off the lights and then.. hopefully make it to you guys without any problem!” she explained and on the count of three she really turned off the lights.

Suzaku wasn’t rushing in taking off his helmet, at first waiting for Cecile to make it safely to their little table. It.. was really dark.

“Cecile-san, please be careful,” he said, now being kind of nervous for his friend.

“I’m okayyy!” in the end of the sentence she yelped, because her outstretched arm collided with Zero’s mask, making a low thud, “I.. suppose I made it to the table, right?” she laughed and Suzaku gave out a chuckle as well, carefully putting her hand aside, so she could find the chair to sit on in this ridiculous darkness.

“Okay, so.. I’ll just warn you that I won’t be speaking while we’re eating, because I have a voice modifier inside that distorts my original voice,” Kururugi explained carefully, waiting for their reactions.

“Ahhh, so you can’t be tracked even by voice recognition, that’s very smart!” mused Lloyd, already, what it seemed, with a mouthful of food, “Or you’re someone who we know, so you don’t want to be recognised! But that’s less probable than the first point,” he concluded to himself, now apparently drinking something.

“I won’t comment on that, Lloyd-san,” Suzaku said and then sighed, “Itadakimasu.”

And with that, the only sound in the room despite the munching on the food was the noise of Zero’s mask unzipping and being put near him on the ground.

Japanese inhaled sharply, filling his chest with some fresh air, even though they were inside.

He finally scratched his nose and then rubbed his eyes, using all of the time he has without a mask. Being without it in public was a really rare occasion, so he felt ecstatic, thinking that.. maybe one day his life might get better.

Once he took a big bite of some veggie balls that were on the plate in front of him, he already wanted to say how delicious it is, especially compared to first things she ever cooked for them, but then stopped himself, instead just gulping down the food.

He noticed that the other two were silent as well, probably honouring the fact that one of this trio cannot talk. How nice of them, truly.

During the whole process he was careful of sounds to be able to in time put a mask back on if needed, but nothing really happened. He only heard some clicking, as if someone was taking glasses on and off two times, but other than that, nothing. It was probably Lloyd messing around anyways.

He sighed with relief when he finished, reluctant to put the mask back on. Despite of being in the dark for so long, his eyes didn’t adjust and he still couldn’t see anything, probably because the place was really devoid of all light at the moment.

Then he shook his head to himself, thinking that revealing his identity would be too risky at the current situation, so he put the mack back on, making a clicking sound in the dark.

“I’ll turn the light back on,” Suzaku said and luckily didn’t collide with anything on his way there.

Once the light was back on, the trio grunted in unison, their eyes certainly not being able to absorb this all at once.

He didn’t sit back down to the portable table but just stood next to it, looking at Cecile.

“Thank you for the meal, it was very delicious,” he said, smiling at her.

“I’m glad it was,” when she lifted her dark blue eyes at him, it looked like she’s been crying, so he got instantly worried.

“Are you okay?!” he asked, putting a hand on her shoulder.

“I am, thank you, it’s just the sudden light,” she laughed weakly in response, placing her gentle palm on top of his hand, squeezing a little.

Suzaku then pulled away and nodded, still with a warm aftertaste of being treated like an actual friend or an acquaintance.

“I’ll get going then. See you tomorrow, Lloyd-san,” Zero turned away on his heels and made his way from the engineering lab.

“Cecile-kun, the tears weren’t from the lighting, were they?” once they were alone, Lloyd looked at her with a pleased grin, swiftly putting his hand into her pocket and taking night vision glasses out of there, waving them in the air in front of her, “Who is he?”

“I’m sorry, Lloyd-san, but I’m afraid I can’t tell you,” she said with a warm smile, a single tear falling down her cheek, “but he is a good person. We can definitely trust him.”

Life went at significantly slower pace in the countryside than in the city. Nobody was busy.. there actually was *nobody*. Only him and C.C.

The perfect solitude life for two sinners who wanted to make their wishes come true.

Lelouch was just in the middle of harvesting some plants from their little farm, taking breaks every so often because his physique didn’t improve even in conditions like this.

The strew hat oh his head protected him from the angry sun that was shining though the eternity of summer in these lands.

“C.C., can you please get me a container for these? I think it’s better to grow them inside, they’re dying out there on all this heat,” ex-emperor barged into their house with two plants in his hands, taken out of the ground with the roots, waiting for help from the green haired companion he had by his side.

“Uh-huh, sure,” she put away the knitting equipment and lowered her bare legs from the table she was resting on, getting up to her feet, making a beeline for the back room, where the junk of all sorts was stored. For situations like this.

She looked around the whole room, noticing old Zero suit just hanging by the wall, some markers and scissors peeking out of the pockets. She sighed and lowered her olive eyes, finally finding what her partner has asked her for.

With two brown-ish pots in hands she went back and put them on the floor in from of the skinny man, returning to the back room once again to get some fresh soil for the poor plants.

Then she came back for the second time, plopping next to the bag with terra, tearing it open and pouring the soil into the pots.

Lelouch was looking at her this whole time, as if exploring every millimetre of her pale skin. He did it often now. Paying more attention to the details and that made him even the better deduction master than he’s been before.

Sherlock Holmes was onto something, truly.

He could now finally put the plants into their new home now, patting the ground with his elegant fingers, making sure they’re steady in it.

Then he placed them next to the dining table and wanted to go out again.

“Lelouch,” simply said C.C., taking her knitting needles in hands alongside the purple yarn which for the most part was being dragged behind her as she followed him outside.

“Hm?” was the only answer she got, as Lelouch continued taking care of the garden, completely immersed in the activity.

Or maybe his mind was thousand miles away..

“I miss you,” she stated, still knitting, kind of furiously, even though her face was unchanging.

“What? I’m right here,” he chuckled, his hands firmly in the ground, making sure that the plants have enough space to grow and expand.

“No. The old you, the one who was always in motion, who didn’t let life stop him, the one who made me feel like life is a game worth winning,” she said, her hands slowing down in the tempo of her activity, “I feel like you’re losing yourself too.”

He didn’t say anything for a long moment after that, working like some gardener, brows furrowed together.

“But we won, C.C. This might not be the life that you nor I want to live, but that’s a small price to pay for the world to stay in peace, don’t you think?” he finally met her eyes, lifting his amethysts from the greenery.

“What about Nunnally? Don’t you wanna see her?” there was no hesitation in her voice as the man got up from his knees and pointed a finger at her in a warning manner.

“I told you to never say her name aloud..” he whispered, no signs of anger on his face, only sadness pooling in his dark, beautiful eyes.

“So you just want to forget her? Or what? What’s your plan?” she stood on her tiptoes now to get closer to his face, talking in the same semi-whispering way, not willing to step down.

This kind of rivalry was the thing that kept these two going in the most dire times when they just wanted to fuck it all and return to the old swing of things.

“I have no plan,” said Lelouch so closely to her lips that at some point of his phrase they touched and he then pulled away, making his way back to the house.

“Hm. What a sore loser,” she mused with a smile on her face, following him and plopping herself on the couch, knitting away.

For the rest of the day they didn’t exchange a single word.

Suzaku was dreading today. The day started already badly from the beginning.

He woke up with a headache and outside was pouring rain, attacking large windows in his private rooms, sound echoing through the space that lacked furniture.

Despite having amazing athletic skills, the curly haired boy was still very skinny for his height and his depression often made him feel like he doesn’t even need or deserve to eat anything.

He sat on the bed, white shirt loose on his shoulders, shuddering to himself.

It was so dark. And lonely. Everyday was the same. Lonely, lonely, lonely. Alone. Echo drifting through the void of his existence, springing off the rich, gold decorated walls which mean absolutely nothing to him.

He hated to reside in the royal palace but he would hate even more to be somewhere alone.

Here he at least has Nunnally... someone who knows completely and unconditionally who he is.

His first plan of action each morning is to wake her up, let her dress and then go together to the dining hall and have breakfast. Only after that they would proceed to go on official side of the business.

When he came to her room and saw an empty bed his heart sunk uncomfortably fast and Kururugi rushed to it, seeing a note neatly folded on the sheets.

*I’m sorry I didn’t tell you beforehand, but I will be in my office earlier today. Have something to eat and then bring me the finalised Product. We’ll hold the ceremony in the evening.”

It said and he slowly slid his fingers over the letters, face growing grim.

The product.. she meant the geass button. His stomach curled up and he started to feel nauseous.

If any doctor would see Suzaku right now, they would probably tell him to take a vacation at least for a month and rest for the eternity of it.

There was no professional to stop him, though, so he just stepped hard on all of his emotions, knitting his brows together, putting the Zero mask on.

He marched from the private empress wing and saw quite a lot of commotion, probably because of the speech that Nunally will be giving later.

A lot of people started coming up to him, saying “Zero please do this and that” and Kururugi just waved them all away, for once without any capacity left to feel guilty that he can’t help with preparations.

Soon enough young man found himself in the technician part of the palace where everything was more silent. Way easier to bear the silence here than in his room, he noticed.

“Ah, Zero, welcome!” mused Lloyd, greeting his with open arms, “Everything is ready! Still don’t understand why would the empress need such a device that never brought nothing good but I guess it is not my business to ask, am I right?” he smirked and looked at the masked person, hands on hips.

“It indeed isn’t,” said Suzaku in the low tone, just being fed up with this day. He’d much rather take off his mask and tell the whole world that his death was a lie instead of even touching the device that can inflict such a power. Power that he despises.

But he can’t do that. He can’t do that because he is a slave. He always will be. Lelouch was right. He just lets people to spit on him over and over, in the end not changing a single thing in the grand scheme of things.

Suzaku wasn’t the greatest politician, despite his dad rooting heavily in politics, and so japanese were actually still being oppressed. He just didn’t know how to solve it. He wasn’t as great of a leader as Lelouch was, as the real Zero was.

He’s just a mere replacement that can’t even do his job right.

So he will take the geass button that Nunnally requested from his friend that doesn’t even know who he is, he will ignore Cecile-san as she comes in just seconds before he leaves and waves enthusiastically at him, he will continue in his heavy steps all the way to the palace, he will shrug off every single interviewer that wants to have a discussion with Zero, leader of a nation, he will knock on empress’ office where she is ready for the speech to give to the whole population. And he will bow down before her, getting on one knee, giving her the power he hates. She will just curtly nod at him and then put the device carefully in her lap, just out of reach of the camera. He will stand beside her as Zero, and there will be silence before the broadcast.

He is just a servant. Merely that.

“Nunnally,” he said, devoid of any emotion left, “you still won’t tell me which order are you going to give?” he was looking straight into the tv screen in front of them, as the countdown showed still two minutes left before the beginning of the stream.

“No,” she said seriously, looking at the same direction, tensing up.

“So it will work on me and I won’t even know, huh,” his tone was now softer and quieter, accepting the fact that his most loved person alive is essentially doing what he hated the most.

“No. I got that checked up, Suzaku,” in her voice could be heard a small smile, probably a sad one, as she continued “Apparently the order that my brother gave you was so powerful that you’re immune to any different type of geass,” she said with a deep sigh, “so you’ll hear it and won’t be affected. I wanted it to be a surprise.”

He couldn’t answer her anything on that because the timer was already up and the political duo went live to the millions of people that were watching, all around the globe.

The topic of the speech was supposed to be about more liberation rights for Japan, so that created a lot of so-called “hype” amongst the citizens, britannians as well as japanese. The maximum amount of people were watching and they will all obey the empress. That was the plan.

“Nunnally vi Britannia commands you,” with hearing these words Suzaku got goosebumps, his hands squeezing the handles of her wheelchair as much as he could to prevent himself from doing anything that he might regret later, “please, everyone who is watching this or hearing this, forget about the fact that the 99th Emperor of the Holy Britannian Empire was Lelouch vi Britannia. From now on, you will all remember him as just a person without a face, someone who wanted to rule the entire world, but it wasn’t him. It wasn’t Lelouch,” she said, after pressing the button.

Even a normal person could feel a literal surge of some energy coming out of the room they were in and Suzaku widened his eyes as he heard the order.

His mouth hung open as he was trying to make sense of what she just said.

Nunnally cleared Lelouch’s name.

Nunnally... cleared Lelouch’s name.

Kururugi couldn’t focus on anything that the empress proceeded to talk about after that, staring blankly at the wall and for the first time he was genuinely glad that he was wearing a mask, so that nobody could see his shocked expression.

A/N: this fic can be now found on ao3! i wont be updating it here on tumblr because that would be just too many chapters and that's just... too much work fdsjfjsf

#code geass fanfiction #code geass #suzalulu #suzalulu fanfic #suzaku kururugi #lelouch lamperouge #suzaku kururugi fanfic #lelouch lamperouge fanfic #im SO PROUD of this work i hope people will notice it

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zoesrose · 3 years

Text

TEXTS; ZOE & YAS

pt.4 - July & August 2021

JULY

yasmin puckerman

can I come over, Sir?

zoe rose

Yes, good girl.

yasmin puckerman

what could I do to get you to tell me that again when I get there?

zoe rose

Edge twice for me before you get here. The kneel in front of my bedroom door patiently until I come out and get you.

yasmin puckerman

bet how you want me to do it?

zoe rose

Once with a vibrator and once with your fingers, the second one I want a video of.

yasmin puckerman

ok but this means you're gonna fuck me when I get there right??

[ 13 minutes later ]

mastur.gif

zoe rose

Good girl.

yasmin puckerman

fuck ok

zoe rose

liked this

yasmin puckerman

I found sativa

zoe rose

So did I. I was just reminded of that video you sent a while back.

yasmin puckerman

which video?

zoe rose

You edging for me.

yasmin puckerman

nice, thats a five star one

zoe rose

Yes it is. How’s Chicago?

yasmin puckerman

lit I got home and hugged ma for five mins straight

she had to fight my ass off

zoe rose

So you're happy?

yasmin puckerman

yeah I feel good you getting ready to head out?

zoe rose

Good, I’m glad.

yasmin puckerman

what you getting up to?

zoe rose

We just landed. Marley is excited to see our Mom.

yasmin puckerman

oh damn, are you not? you glad to be home?

zoe rose

I am. But this trip was more for Marley. I was fine either way.

yasmin puckerman

what do you usually get up to at home? like where you like to throw down?

zoe rose

You’ll be surprised to learn I spend a lot of time at home. Outside of that? The beach, the park.

What about you and Chicago?

yasmin puckerman

yeah actually that don’t surprise me at all I bounce around a lot. I like being home but, I like being in the move better

Been doing my old rounds. But if it get late and no ones around when I’m bored I just go downtown, hang around the let outs

zoe rose

I would love to spend just one night there with you. See what you get into.

yasmin puckerman

you could I mean, if you wanted to? whenever you wanted to it’d be dope

zoe rose

You’re already coming here, right?

yasmin puckerman

yeah I am, I def am

but if you wanted to come spend a few days

you could still come out tho, I’d get to show you around

but a couple days or sum? I did hella good in sales at that store tbh, let the savings rack up and only took a little from paychecks every week ya know so I could make sure I had what I’d need to come see my mom in the summer. She taught me all that that’s how she always pulled through for holidays shit sorry, it’s this bud I’m hella gone right now my point is. I could fly you here before I go there? if you wanted to, Sir? lucked out in my $$ tickets so I mean I’m not swimming but there could be cheap flights?

zoe rose

I’ll come, baby. And I’ll take care of the flight.

yasmin puckerman

damn you’ve never said that bef ok dope

whenever is easier for you, ya know with Marley and everything

zoe rose

I’ll talk to Marley and decide on a weekend.

yasmin puckerman

loved this dope

yasmin puckerman

so my weekend sucked

zoe rose

What happened?

yasmin puckerman

nothing happened, it was just dry not what I’m used to anymore

zoe rose

You mean because I wasn’t there to fuck you?

yasmin puckerman

yeah sum like that

zoe rose

We’ll fix that soon.

yasmin puckerman

(heartface) (alien)

yasmin puckerman

waddup, Sir?

zoe rose

Hello. Another dry night?

yasmin puckerman

you just making predictions or?

zoe rose

I’m good at using what I know to infer, yes.

yasmin puckerman

also I was just tryin to talk to you so its not just that

zoe rose

Talk talk or just text?

yasmin puckerman

text but, either? I'm not home but I got a min

zoe rose

Where are you?

yasmin puckerman

walking back from the (plug.emoji) but I gotta stop at the store for milk and woods

zoe rose

That’s an odd combination.

yasmin puckerman

the corner store special

zoe rose

I’m going to a party tonight. Just to get out of the house.

yasmin puckerman

dope like a house party?

zoe rose

Yeah. It’s too bad you’re not here.

yasmin puckerman

fr tho, I'm a whole jam at a house party bringing these hips and rolling skills

zoe rose

I already know.

yasmin puckerman

yeah you do I wish I was there too

zoe rose

loved this

AUGUST

zoe rose

My flight will be arriving at 10:20pm this Friday.

yasmin puckerman

and Fri is hella far

zoe rose

Less than a week.

yasmin puckerman

almost a whole ass week

zoe rose

You can't wait 5 days?

yasmin puckerman

I CAN I’m just hype

zoe rose

Good. I have something for you.

yasmin puckerman

yeah? something besides you?

zoe rose

Oh if I’m enough I can return it

yasmin puckerman

wait nobody said all that

I like gifts

zoe rose

I know you do. This one is going to be a surprise.

yasmin puckerman

oh so you do like surprises just not getting them

zoe rose

Yes.

yasmin puckerman

okay I’m not saying nothin just pointing it out

zoe rose

Mhm. Did you tell your mom I was coming?

yasmin puckerman

oh fuck, I should do that

zoe rose

You should.

yasmin puckerman

yeah I just keep forgetting I'll tell her tonight

zoe rose

Good girl. I’ll forward you my flight information

yasmin puckerman

I had to tell her twice because she fr didn't believe me tell me you sneak everyone through your window without tellin

zoe rose

Why doesn’t she believe you? I walk everyone through the front door without explanation.

yasmin puckerman

I climb in and out the window even when I’m by myself but she don’t believe me because she thought I was joking. I don’t know why it’s funny

zoe rose

Did you ask her?

yasmin puckerman

usually i'm just trying not to alert nobody to my whereabouts moving in silence

ask her if you could stay? yeah that's no problem, I mean my brother and his girl are around

zoe rose

I meant did you ask her why it's funny?

yasmin puckerman

oh no cause she stopped when she got that I was serious

zoe rose

Well at least you're not trying to sneak me into your window.

yasmin puckerman

I can picture the exact look you’d give me if I tried it

zoe rose

Good.

yasmin puckerman

one more day!

zoe rose

I’m ready.

yasmin puckerman

I been ready I bought you shampoo like the ones in your shower

zoe rose

Thank you. Do you have bath soaps/salts as well?

yasmin puckerman

soap yes salts?

zoe rose

I’ll have Marley show me the one she uses.

yasmin puckerman

Alright. Lemme know, I'll grab whatever you want.

zoe rose

I will let you know.

yasmin puckerman

10:20 right?

zoe rose

Yes.

yasmin puckerman

dope Imma have two rolled

zoe rose

The best welcome you could ever give me.

yasmin puckerman

And also my momma is doing an overnight

zoe rose

Good. Because we are not going to be quiet.

yasmin puckerman

I can’t wait

zoe rose

liked this

zoe rose

I know we just got here, but we’re rolling out. Put your hair up. And meet me downstairs in 5.

yasmin puckerman

oh shit okay Im coming rn

zoe rose

Good girl.

yasmin puckerman

are there any of those cupcakes your sister made left?

zoe rose

There might be.

yasmin puckerman

you tryin to bring me back one?

zoe rose

No.

[ ... ]

Try again.

yasmin puckerman

could you bring me back one, Sir? a chocolate one?

no vanilla no yeah, chocolate

zoe rose

You're missing something.

yasmin puckermanBOT — Yesterday at 6:01 PM

please?

zoe roset 6:07 PM

I'll decide the flavor.

yasmin puckerman

okay but, also bring a chocolate one pls

zoe rose

[read]

#yasmin #texts: yasmin #texts: part four #( kiss it better )

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la5t-res0rt · 4 years

Note

Wanted to ask about beetlelyds, sorry, I thought it was technically cannon? Like in the old comics after the show ended she grew up and married him. Sorry I’m an old school fan and have no idea why this whole thing is such a big deal. Wasn’t the actor like 20 too? I’m sorry if I sound very dumb. I’m not used to this new tumblr.

youre fine you are one hundred percent allowed to especially when you do it civilly as you have done here

first of all the biggest issue faced in the whole what is and is not canon debate is the fact that there are three (four if you count the limited comics run) publicized iterations of my media

i will go over each very briefly just kidding this is going to a long answer so i will spare the dashboard with a readmore

there is the movie which im sure you dont need me to explain the plot since youre an old school fan but basically the climax is that yes beetlejuice does go for the marriage angle in exchange for stopping the exorcism of adam and barbara and his motive for this is so that he can cause as much chaos as he wants on the mortal coil but his plan is thwarted when barbara rides a sandworm into the house which promptly eats beetlejuice sending him to bureaucratic death limbo

the end of the movie features the deetz and the maitlands happily living together with lydia havign a new appreciation for her situation and beetlejuice gets his head made real small which is very funny haha

so no in the movie they are not canon editors note the actress who played lydia winona ryder was a teenager while filming the movie she turned 17 the year it released

the next is the cartoon which i will admit has the most grounds for being considered canon but in the end the show is about a middle schooler and her best friend who is a ghost which in itself is a pretty iffy gray area sort of thing but for a childrens cartoon to work a friendship is better than the obvious enemy status they held in the movie

anyway in the cartoon they are potrayed to be very close friends with lydia being the person beetlejuice cares about the most and honestly if you were to watch it with no prior knowledge of the media and if you ignored their massive and obvious age difference than yeah you probably would read it as a romantic relationship

however lydia is a middle schooler and that is simply immoral

there have been writers for the cartoon who have been credited to say that a relationship is what they were trying to invoke but for obvious reasons they couldnt exactly move forward with that angle with them establishing that lydia is a child in middle school and a fully grown adult man dating a child who is in middle school is immoral and also illegal in the united states and in canada

this isnt a good argument for whether or not something is canon and i will tell you why with one simple name and that is luke weber

if you dont know who luke weber is he was a storyboard artist on the cartoon steven universe he is known for making a lot of self ship artwork of him and the character pearl

he worked on the show isnt his material canon no of course it isnt it wasnt put in the actual publication and also if memory serves he was eventually asked to leave the project after he drew art of the shows creator giving him permission to date pearl and calling them her otp and a lot of fans hated this because the most generally accepted interpretation of pearls character is that she is sapphic so a lot of people took issue however that again is just a widely perceived headcanon it is never stated what her actual sexuality is no one in that show is because it isnt a show about that its about wait im getting off topic sorry

what im saying is what can truly be considered canon is what you see on the screen and with the cartoon they are definitely the most friendly with each other and that is why so many people in the beetlebabe shipping community take so much stock in the cartoon because it is the easiest to read the relationship between the mas romantic although that is not what the show actually provides in black and white terms

interpretation does not equal canon and in this case no matter what anyone says the fact remains that in the cartoon itself they are friends good friends yes but friends all the same

it is definitely not a show about a grown man grooming an adult and if it were you definitely shouldn’t be stanning it the extreme because grooming a minor is wrong and it is apparently a problem in the fandom

anyway if the cartoon and the movie are both products of their time and there was more leniency on content bear in mind this was the same era as notorious animation powerhouse and known predator john k who was a showrunner on ren and stimpy and he maintained a relationship with a teenager which was an open secret that nobody really took issue with because in that time being a woman in the animation industry was tricky business and your career could be ended easily if you rejected advances luckily time has moved forward and the animation industry although still full of problems of a similar nature at least people are getting called out and punished for it

you can look more into that yourself its really upsetting though

as for comics i havent been able to find good scans of them and im not willing to purchase them but in my search i never found anything about the two of them ever being married in the cartoon again because she is a child i did find a cover where he appears to be getting married and hes asking lydia to get him out of it but im not sure where the comic actually goes all i know is she is standing off to the side shrugging and looking like she doesnt really care

anyway that brings us to the musical which is set in the modern day

in the original libretto lydia is described as thirteen but since they got an actress who was older in the updated librettos she is listed as 15 and the story is pretty similar to the movie the young girl befriends ghosts and they try to scare her family out etc etc

the major difference between the film and the musical are that lydia and beetlejuice are more like friends like in the cartoon

she summons him to help scare after the maitlands attempt doesnt really work so he shows up and they have fun terrorizing people together however she drops him for the opportunity to perhaps get her mom back but when no one will help she goes back to beetlejuice who tricks her into almost exorcising barbara

she agrees to marry him in order to stop the exorcism and he only wants to get married so he can be alive again and cause problems on the mortal coil like in the movie in the musical he states several times its a green card thing whihc obviously doesnt make it okay but still

anyway lydia tricks him and runs off into the underworld before the wedding can happen blah blah blah she goes back blah blah and she agrees to go through with the wedding to save her friends and family with a plan to make him go away for good

theres a very tongue and cheek song called creepy old guy which points out how wrong the whole thing is but everyone is going along with it in a very comedic matter and it includes the line

i cant believe some cultures think this kind of things alright

basically saying yeah this is very very wrong anyway they do get married and beeltjeuice is alive for like 6 seconds before lydia stabs him to death with bad art and he dies thus nullifying the marriage because death do you part etc

so in the musical no at the end of the show they are not canon because he is dead their marriage is nullified and they go their separate ways

anyway sorry about that i just need to make it very clear that these three properties are all very distinct from each other and basically all three are indeed canon since they are publicized material and arguing the validity of which one is pointless editors note all actresses who played with the exception of dana steingold were minors for the majority of their runs as lydia with sophia ann caruso the originator of the role turning 18 during the run and dana being in her late twenties presley ryan however was a minor the whole time and still is one

tldr no they aren’t canon but to the credit of some people in this fandom their interpretation isnt too far of a stretch thanks to the era and some of the writers wishing to imply a relationship between an adult and a child

i also need to address how this is all a big deal and i suggest you take a peak through my discourse tag and check out @leedia‘s blog to see some of the more harmful things done by beetlebabe shippers

the beetlejuice fandom is home to many minors after the musical came out since musical fandom is vast and the ages of its members varies and normalizing pedophilia is harmful to them not to mention the people who have been effected by sexual harassment at the hands of adults

both sides have victims of csa but one side continues to perpetuate the cycle by showing time and time again that this behavior is normal and easily romanticized in the name of coping and literally anyone who has ever been to a good and credible therapist could tell you that posting cp even if it is simulated cp isnt a really good way to cope and you can get mad at me for saying that its totally fine but and im going to remove my character veil here for just a second as a csa survivor myself i think its harmful to not only myself but many others ok the veil is back down

tldr again there is a lot of bullying and harassment going on with both sides having their own issues but there is one side whos issues run a bit deeper in my humble opinion

thank you for your question it allowed me to talk a lot you are welcome to discuss further with me in dms if you wish i honestly recommend giving the musical a listen because it is very fun and despite what some people say its very clever and if you get a chance to see a boot of it its visually stunning

one last note that i couldnt really fit in here but a large portion of the beetlebabes shipping community ignore the musical because it openly condemns the idea of beeltejuice and lydia having a relationship and a lot of the antis take issue with much of the writing and characterizations of the cartoon just a note that i think is important since were talking about canon

#discourse #long ask #i am so tired #Anonymous

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macklives · 4 years

Text

session 92 end (bye 413...)

this session was so long but so fucking hectic what the fuck

im going to try and slim it down to its bare essentials rather than go on a full rant because im pretty sure i want to make a post later on about vriska’s characterisation (not anything about me liking her/disliking her, just an analyse on her life really, so it wont be too bias because thats not the point of an analysis. i also want to do one on aradia, been meaning to for a while... hmm... damn i havent done much analogies lately, and i THINK the last long post on a character i made was about davesprite??? so its been a fucking while. that being said, ill leave a lot of details out for this end of session notes so i dont just repeat myself later on. rather will keep to plot points here and then make character points in another)

alright

first we had a page or two where aradia confided in nepeta about her being dead which means nepeta is the only one to know this revelation. im pretty sure aradia confided because there was no other way around it, since nepeta was her server player, so it was inevitable. either way, aradia still put her trust in nep, which means, if you think about it, nobody else knows and nobody else ever will. and considering aradia asked nep to keep it a secret, it probably wont get explored by others until MAYBE later on, whenever its plot relevant, so everyone will be in the dark about it for a while which ill have to remember for future dialogue and scenes with aradia in them

then we met vriska

which, yes, is a meme. i may not have been on a lot of fandom platforms, but you cant escape some of the stuff that goes around the internet. even if you dont know undertale, im pretty sure you know of sans. or komaeda if you have/havent seen danganronpa. its just.. the memes, ya know? ive heard from many sources of the “vriska did nothing wrong” quote (even through mbmbam which??? WHAT) but since i didnt even know what it meant, i never explored it so then i never knew it was a homestuck thing. imagine my surprise...... i think even at the time, i wouldnt have known what homestuck was either honestly so it wouldnt even matter. i only recently learned about the fandom.... uhh, maybe half a year ago??? yeah, august, so my knowledge was slim but vriska is a thing ive heard before, which still shocks me

goddammit

anyways back to her

so her intro was something, we pretty much found out she likes DnD (a FANATIC in fact) and feeds her lusus the flesh of living trolls. which is fucked up. but i wont get too much into detail about that until i make a post about her life on alternia and the consequences of such. or maybe just alternia in general...?? or *both* heheheh but i feel i need more information before i go off on a tangent about that

then we met??? white text dude?? who is a major asshole but an asshole with insults that hURted, to think i felt bad for VRISKA when that happened. woah.

i said before, but... karkat, he cant really hit deep because his insults are just HIM and his way to express himself. like some people find it natural to just go “FUCK YOU” to show emphasis on a point, and thats just karkats way. he may do it so aggressively that it takes you a second to realize what he said, but usually i dont take anything to heart whenever he spurts out some insults. ive progressed to the point where whatever he says, is just “karkat” and not him trying to be actively mean. rather, its now funny whenever he does say anything SOMEWHAT creative, dude has an imagination that goes on for miles

but vriska?? she IS trying to be a bully, you can tell. but i feel theres something much more to that. like shes trying to prove herself and her “blueblooded” demeanours or whatever the hierarchy is. she doesnt want to show emotions so she makes herself a barrier by being mean is what i can gather from her conversation with kanaya. im pretty sure youre not supposed to understand her until its pointed out and rather see her as an “antagonist” at first, but yeah, her insults are more pitiful than anything and i also cant take her too seriously. i may not like her as a person but her character is interesting because you cant always have the goodie two shoes as the protags. it doesnt diversify the characterisation so i like vriska as someone who makes the plot work and it becomes more interesting since you have someone that makes it harder for the main crew to progress. a happy-go-lucky adventure with no trouble and no turnabouts would be boring in a way. so having a character like vriska, or like this new white text guy, it makes you stop for a second and realize oh shit okay, here’s where shit CAN go wrong and WHY. and i do especially like it when these bastards of characters somehow have more depth than being the “bastard characters”. kinda humanizes them in a way. doesnt mean you have to LIKE them continuously, but theyre humans (trolls whatever) in the end and every person has their own story whether its for better or for worse

for example, i like her being placed into the story, along with white text, by how its all leading to this “accident” and is slowly showing us hints on what happened, but in the end, it wont be until later that we know the full story. even if it was in the past, it apparently is very vital to the plot and shapes how the characters act in the future, so important aspects like that are to look out for. and usually they only occur when theres been some trouble within friend dynamics. so without these bastard of characters, plot wouldnt grow AS strong and i often keep that in mind when i explore a story.

anyways, I HAD A POINT TO THIS: so vriska and karkat are characters who are yes, mean, but it seems to be their personality, and the way they either show emotions and convey feelings (karkat) or make a barrier so they DONT show emotions to produce vulnerability (vriska), white text guy seems to mostly be out to be an asshole. he told vriska she was useless to sum it up but im not too sure if this is one of those “first dialogue” to mould out a bias opinion before we even get to the character themselves, but judging by how vriska and karkat played out, he surely means something bad and i dont know how to explain it. but i cannot base anything off from one piece of dialogue. i dont even know what else to call him other than white text guy so...... ill just leave that out for now, until we finally get his introduction

though, i do wish to mention, and will expand on, im not wrong when i say karkat and vriska are similar but in different context. sorry if youre favourite is karkat and you dont like vriska, or vice versa, but uhhhh their introductions are so similar its uncanny and the way they’re portrayed is the same except one is more on crack about the meddling, while the other is angry about the meddling. similar to how it was with karkat, we were introduced to vriska talking with someone we knew (tavros) whom she obviously didnt like, so obviously, from her point of view, she wanted to be menacing. like how karkat was menacing to jade because she wouldnt listen to his point... he got angry, so he lashed out. but us, the readers, didnt know that. we thought “oh god its this asshole” until we made it further in the story and started to warm up to karkat. it may not be the same with vriska, she may be a bully regardless, but you cannot tell me we moulded a bias towards her character as we did when we first read karkat. theyre both truly mean to other people, maybe both for different reasons, but i do want to point out the similarities and not leave that out. im pretty sure andrew basically gave us a conversation that formed our opinion of a character right off the bat rather than go into depth of WHY they did it, and how they are naturally without the conditions of the game. which, you can also see with vriska when she conversed with kanaya. andrew started off with a character who only appears to speak once, and makes you judge them from first appearance alone, without any explanation as to why they said what they said and how they are with other characters, let says. so you assume they were simply a rude character. now look how karkat turned out. so im guessing in homestuck, the first impression should never be the opinion you stick with until MAYBE 5 more conversations with that character (each one different)

OKAY done with the vriska introduction, now to slutquius

yes, hes kinda weird, i have stated that many times. i have no idea what to say about him other than he likes porn, he likes centaur dick which just so happens to be his lusus as well and if that isnt a red flag idk what is

he also likes his lusus milk, right from the udders of his guardian

fun times, fun times

my opinion of equius kinda.. differs. which i should really put in place the “dont judge by first impression” rule, because at first i thought he was rude with, then i thought he was hhh okay, because i understood why he was being so protective over nepeta and her team placement, since the people she was going to play with WERE dangerous. but if you think about it, both sides will probably put you in danger. it just depends on which ones you confide in more to protect your back rather than those which would cause trouble on purpose, in my HONEST opinion. so equius was a little overdramatic on that part, but i got what he meant. he was on the blue team and he didnt want to leave nepeta alone without him on the red. but then this session happened. and he went back to being weird again because of the whole porn thing, especially being so open about it like dude chill youre 13. but the thing is, then i felt bad for him because hes basically touch starved. to say that he could break anything he touches, i doubt people would go up to him for hugs. in fear they would be crushed to death by a simple hug. so im guessing hes rather lonely and doesnt really know how to interact because of this. so i felt sad that he had to live a life where he needs to be careful of everything he touches so it doesnt break randomly. see? poor dude. but then things got weird. and im pretty sure hes a masochist. so my opinion on equius is a fucking cosine graph

which brings us to the final point:

gamzee and equius’ conversation

i dont even know.....like.........gamzee was unaware that equius was using him for his own power play roleplay, right? gamzee knew it was a roleplay but it had had some.. idk.... obvious sexual implications? and i bet gamzee didnt really know that? he thought they were only venting out through a simple roleplay and trying to get closer because he originally thought equius hated him, considering equius flat out said “i hate you” and gamzee went “you tell me everyday and im okay with that” so.. gamzee probably wanted only to get closer to equius so he helped out his little problem which.. thats so sweet but i feel bad he was coerced into something he didnt get, especially since he was innocent enough to go along without knowing equius’ true gain

anyways, equius was getting off with the hierarchy thing. considering he’s “lower” than gamzee, and gamzee is surprisingly ...high on the spectrum??? so equius wanted gamzee to boss him around, because it felt only natural to him since he’s the “inferior one” and gamzee is The Big Man. like i get that, but it was written in a way that was so uncomfortable, that i wish i didnt. equius is just a weird character... hes not BAD per say, but hes... hes something alright

but im really liking gamzee. the two things which struck me in that one conversation, was the “i dont get why we should dictate people by the colour of their blood, i just see people as people” piece of dialogue and “i cant go around pleasing just everything so its alright if you hate me”

thats... so good, idk. i really liked that. i also really liked when kanaya said “youre dangerous but dangerous people are needed and are important because it shapes you” like <33 my fucking heart

god homestuck may be a tad on the weird side with some of its characters but it surely knows how to create great lines of dialogue

and that concludes the long 4 hour session i did, hope you all enjoyed it

with that, i rest

#homestuck #homestuck liveblog #hs92 #hs92 end #i wrote more than i should have but i had a lot to say #just you wait for those analogy/analysis posts

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