#and i have also heard that it’s been hard for them to find an interpreter that speaks that

[dejwrld]

picture this, you’re a boy from guatemala standing outside a motel talking to your family on the phone until two cops approach you saying that you look suspicious. due to you barely knowing english, you most likely are confused as ever trying to figure out not only what they’re saying but what even is going on. the situation escalated even more to the point where these officers are now falsely detaining you which led to one officer having a heart attack and dying. now picture this, you’re now being charged with manslaughter for death of said officer.

that’s what happened to virgilio aguilar mendez.

please be sure to sign the petition also.

#to make matters worse he doesn’t speak Spanish #he speaks mam which is indigenous language spoken by some people in Guatemala #and i have also heard that it’s been hard for them to find an interpreter that speaks that #so they are trying to teach him english #bro this country is cooked ! #i swear cops don’t just mind their business #how is a person standing outside a motel on the phone with his fucking family #suspicious ?????

[followthebluebell]

hello! I was scrolling through your blog (delightful) and found the post about Beef and his whiskers position, and I'm ashamed to say that in all my near-thirty years of being around cats and thinking I understand them pretty well I never thought to pay attention to the 'circle shape'. could you please expound a bit on what to look for when it comes to whiskers position and how to interpret it? Beef is an absolute sweetheart but looking at a brachy cat as an example makes it a bit hard for me to generalize. thank you!

Thank you! And also thank you for your patience--- I wanted to give some really good examples and have been scouring my blog for the best circle whisker cats I could find.

Picture heavy post under this.

so this is the cat grimace scale. It's a sort of way to visually see if a cat is in pain/distress, and it gives a simplified view of the things I'm going to discuss. It's important to recognize that whisker shape/position is just ONE piece of communication and doesn't tell the whole story. A lot of this is also based on CONTEXT as well.

When you're looking at a cat face, here are the things you really want to pay attention to:

Ear position—Ears facing forward, ears slightly pulled apart, or ears flattened and rotated outward.

Orbital tightening—Eyes opened, eyes partially opened, or eyes squinted.

Muzzle tension—Muzzle relaxed (round), muzzle mildly tense, or muzzle tense (elliptical).

Whisker position—Whiskers loose and curved, whiskers slightly curved or straight, or whiskers straight and moving forward.

Head position—Head above the shoulder line, head aligned with the shoulder line, or head below the shoulder line or tilted.

Calypso's huge whiskers give a REALLY good visual on the 'circle shape' to look for. You can see her whiskers are pushed forward and are loose and curved. She's feeling playful and engaged! She really wants to know what I'm up to and what's in my hand (spoiler alert, it was treats)

Compare that to this later picture, taken after she heard a dog bark nearby:

Her muzzle is tighter. Her whiskers are pulled back a bit, and are straight. Her ears are set differently as well, one pulled back a bit. She's concerned, but not terribly worried about this strange sound.

You can also compare it to this handsome lad:

Again, his whiskers are fairly straight. They aren't pulled back as far, but he's still very tense. He was extremely tense and upset that I took his water dish away from him (because it needed to be cleaned and changed).

Milo is another great example of excited whiskers. They're pushed forward and curved, forming a sort of circle. Like Calypso, he's interested in what I'm doing and feeling playful. He was very interested in the toy I was throwing for him.

Gumdrop is a good example of a more relaxed whisker position. She's curious, but not feeling playful. Her whiskers are held very loosely rather than being pushed forward. Her tail nub is up, indicating friendliness and confidence.

#cat #cat behavior #body language

[gurugirl]

Don't Speak

*images are for aesthetic only

priest!harry x subby!reader | soft dom!harry x bratty/sub!reader

Summary: Y/n accidentally says something in front of everyone at prayer group that gets her in trouble with the priest.

A/N: I know it's been so long since I gave y'all any priestrry but I missed him and his pet so I was compelled to write this! Hope you enjoy! And if you're tagged it's bc you are either on my main general taglist or you asked to be tagged in anything for priestrry (even tho it's been so long) just let me know if you want to be removed and I will! xoxo

Word Count: 2,692

Warning: 18+ only, NSFW, religious mentions, smut, sub/dom dynamic, spanking, punishment

Forgive Me, Father masterlist

She hadn’t meant to say it in front of everyone during prayer group. It didn’t have to mean anything if no one read too much into it. She was only responding to a simple question but she said we.

We plan to eat after the meeting.

We, as in the mention of herself and Harry. The two of them doing something together. She hoped they interpreted it as her saying -with someone other than Harry. But she also looked at Harry directly when she said it. Maybe no one saw that.

But Harry certainly did. And the look she received from him was scalding. She knew she was in for it once everyone had gone.

No one followed up to ask who was the other part of this we she spoke of. She wished they would. She could say anyone and make up a little lie. Her brother. Her roommate. Anyone. But no one asked.

And she wasn’t sure if the room felt tense or if it was just her. Because after she said it, she felt like everyone was suddenly looking at her differently. And of course, the way Harry was warning her with his eyes wasn’t helping matters.

So she kept her head down and her mouth closed until the end. And when everyone began to leave, like always, she walked out of the house and to the side to wait until everyone was gone.

And even when the coast was clear she hesitated for a moment. But ultimately going back inside with Harry to face whatever kind of reprimand he was going to give her was better than waiting and wondering about what he might do. Perhaps she could plead her case.

Stepping into the living room she found Harry folding up the metal chairs and placing them tidily in their little wooden cubby behind the couch. He walked across the room without even a glance in her direction and into the kitchen with a glass. Standing still in her spot she could hear the glass being placed in the sink and then his footfalls as he began to walk back to the living room.

“Father, I’m sorry. It just slipped out. I don’t think anyone noticed–“

“Go stand and face the corner. Don’t speak.”

She gulped and gave a quick nod as she scurried toward the corner of the living room and let her limbs fall loose as she waited for the priest to finish what he was doing. She wanted to protest. To tell him it was an accident and to go easy on her but she knew better than to resist.

Minutes stretched on as she listened to Harry cleaning up and moving back and forth from the living room to the kitchen before she heard him approaching behind her and then stopping.

She could feel him standing behind her but he kept silent for a beat or two before she felt his breath at the back of her neck, “Tell me what happens if someone finds out about us, Y/n.”

She inhaled a shaky breath and squeezed her eyes closed, “Well, you could face expulsion from the church. Everything you’ve worked so hard for that you love the most would be gone. Or they’d transfer you and after penance, you’d have to promise to permanently end our relationship.”

The floorboard creaked as Harry stepped in closer and she felt his warm hands at the tops of her arms, “I could lose what I love, yes. But if it came to choosing you or the church do you know what I would do, pet?”

“Father, I would like to believe you’d choose me. But I would understand if you chose the church.”

“Do you doubt how deep my love for you is?”

Y/n opened her eyes and took a deep breath, the plaster of the white wall in her view, “I don’t doubt how deeply you love me. I feel it every moment. But I also know how deep your love is for God and for your vocation.”

“I’m angry that you let it slip out like that so freely in front of everyone. But I know you didn’t do it on purpose. I want you to know that I’ll always choose you. Over everything else. Over my priesthood. Over God. You’re the most important thing I have.

A stray tear escaped her eye as he pressed his chest into her back and suddenly lifted his hands and she felt her red leather collar being placed on her neck as he adjusted the buckle, “Besides, I’ve slipped up too haven’t I? When I thought no one was watching. But you slipped up in front of many sets of eyes and ears. Let’s hope they didn’t notice the way you looked at me when you said it.”

She turned to look back at him to respond but one of his hands gripped the back of her neck, “Face the wall. I’m not done with you yet. As much as I understand it was a mistake, there are consequences for your actions, pet. Take off this dress.”

Biting her lip she silently pulled the fabric over her head and Harry noted she was not wearing panties. He imagined she did that on purpose. She often enjoyed leaving things uncovered in case they were in a situation where he could just take her. But she was cheeky too so maybe it was just to get a rise out of him.

“No panties while we were all sat here praying to our Lord. Fucks sake, Y/n.”

The first strike to her bottom had her wobbling forward, palms on the walls, and bending slightly at the waist. She was used to being spanked and when he did it with his hands it was a treat. She loved his hands on her. No matter how they were touching her.

Another open-palmed swat and then another had her dipping her head and closing her eyes as she braced herself.

She felt his hand smooth up her spine and press down between her shoulders, “Bend down further. Keep your hands on the wall, legs together. Think about what you can do to not make the kind of mistake you made today while I get your paddle.”

A big gulp was pulled down her throat as Harry stepped away. What could she have done differently? Maybe just be on top of her thoughts at all times? Never waver in front of people? She wasn’t sure. How was it possible to not accidentally slip up once in a great while? She had been so good all this time. Never doing anything that would really tip anyone off. The slip-up was bound to happen at some point.

When Harry returned she felt a kind hand rub over her bottom, “You get five on each side and no crying. Once I’ve given you five you’ll tell me what you could have done differently and if you haven’t come up with something you’ll get another five on each side. Understand?”

“Yes, Father.”

“Count for me.”

Every strike to her sensitive bottom had her keening and gasping. She counted each one, five on each side (so ten really and she would have complained but now wasn’t the time).

“Now, tell me. What can you do to make sure that never happens again? How can we avoid it?”

She took a deep breath, still reeling from her stinging bottom and knowing she was about to get five more (ten more) because she hadn’t come up with an idea quite yet.

“Uhh… I just need to think harder and not let myself really look at you… uh… I can keep my mind sharp so I don’t say things I shouldn’t on accident.”

“No. That’s not it. Count for me.”

The next round hurt more. The smooth leather landing against her sore ass had her arching her back away from him and hissing between numbers she pushed from her lungs. Every one biting a little more than before.

But when she got to her final five (ten) she thought of an answer that she felt would suffice and nearly hopped up with a grin, but knowing better she stayed in her position.

“Have you come up with an answer for me?”

“I can just not speak. I’ll say my throat hurts and keep my mouth closed the whole meeting.”

“That will only work once or twice. But every meeting, pet? You can do better than that. Count for me.”

She let her tears slip out of her eyes as she racked her brain for the answer he might want. Every number she counted got lost in her fuzzy brain and the ache from the paddle on her bum started to numb and the shift in how it made her feel manifested in arousal, which the priest did not miss as he could see her pussy with the way she was bent for him; That obvious glisten beginning to seep out from her labia.

“Tell me what you can do to avoid making comments like you did today.”

She inhaled and moaned softly, “I think that I should maybe not come to all the prayer meetings. I can stay in my cage if I’m feeling a little off maybe? Then I won’t have the opportunity to at all. And me not being at all the meetings would be good I think. Because no one is always at every meeting. Probably good for me to sit back for a while.”

The paddle fell to the floor and she felt Harry’s hands gently caressing her bottom, his fingers gliding over the raised skin left behind from the paddle, “You are so smart, pet. See? That’s perfect. Don’t move from your spot. Keep your thighs together.”

She heard the clank of his buckle and smiled to herself. She loved it when he had his way with her. She didn’t even care what he was about to do, she welcomed him wherever and however he wanted.

When his hands returned to her back and gently pressed over her bum she sighed as he leaned over and kissed her shoulder blade, “I love you. I know you didn’t do it on purpose,” she listened as he spoke and could tell he was stroking himself behind her the way his voice was wavering, breathy. “No matter what happens, you’re mine and I’m keeping you, okay?” His voice hitched up just a bit as he scraped his cockhead through her folds. She was tempted to spread her thighs but she resisted since he’d been very clear with her to keep them together.

“Yes, Father,” she breathed as she felt his smooth tip collecting her arousal, gliding up and down through her crease.

“And since you didn’t do it on purpose and I’ve given you 15 spanks as punishment,” 15 on each side, she corrected in her mind, “I’ll let you come but you may not move. I don’t want you spreading your legs to keep steady either. I’ll hold you up if you start to fall.”

The sudden slicing of his wide cock through her delicate pussy entrance had her groaning and dropping her mouth wide open. She was so wet and gushy already. She felt her arousal seep down to the back of her thigh as he began to thrust into her, juices leaking down from her opening.

Harry’s hand landed on the wall next to her head as his other clutched her hip tight, thick crown splitting her in half, and it all felt even tighter inside with her thighs pressed together. But her legs started to sway as he took heavy strokes, hips smacking against her ass. A deep moan vibrated from his chest and the way she was squeezing around him was like heaven. If he had to go to hell for his sins it would be worth it. She was worth everything to him.

When the priest noticed his pet having difficulty keeping steady he pushed into the brim, filling her completely, and gently nudged and nudged deeper into her, rutting in with hips pasted to her ass, “Being so good for me, pet. Keeping your legs together as I asked. Feels so good with you around me…”

She could hear the tightness in his voice. Her priest was enjoying her pussy. His pussy. Everything was his. All of her belonged to him. She kept her palms on the wall as he fucked into her, keeping his body tucked against her, spreading her open completely and fitting right up against her cervix like she needed.

“Want to be good for you, Father. Want to make you happy and give you everything I can. You own every single part of me.”

He groaned and rutted forward making her inhale sharply, “I do own you don’t I pet? That’s why I call you my pet. Because you’re mine and you always will be. Isn’t that right?”

No one would have ever guessed the pair stood together in the corner fucking in the small living room had the kind of secret they did. No one would have ever guessed the man was a priest and the girl on his cock with the red leather choker was his dirty secret. His divine secret. No one would know the kinds of sinful things they did together every day. If they glanced at the marks on her bare bottom they wouldn’t have assumed they were from the hands of a priest.

“Yes! Father, I’ll always be yours. I’m your possession, your property…”

They both panted as Harry’s cock worked its magic inside of her hot cunt. The wetness of her walls surrounding him and coating him was the perfect spot for him to snug into and spill his seed into.

Her lip curled up as she coughed out a loud moan and arched her back, eyes closed and in sheer bliss from her insides being rearranged. She was weak for him and her orgasm couldn’t wait any longer.

“Please! Can I come, Father? Oh my god…”

He could feel her shaking, thighs trembling so hard he had to hold her hips on both sides so she didn’t tip over.

“Aww poor thing. It aches, doesn’t it? Little pet needs to have her release, doesn’t she? Got all stressed out after misspeaking. You can come. Give me your orgasm, Y/n. Let me feel you… want to feel you milking my cock…”

Harry’s own strong thighs were beginning to quiver as his balls began to squeeze up against his body, his release just moments away.

She cried out and tensed as she spasmed and clenched around him, wave after delicious wave of wet orgasm gushing from her until she felt his grip tighten and then his chest brush into her back, his lips on her shoulder, “Come for me, pet. Holy fuck…”

He groaned at how her walls pulsed, beckoning him to come, sucking his cock deep into her tummy with every squeeze until he growled and bit down on her skin, cock pumping and throbbing inside of her.

The priest had considered not letting her come at first. But he was glad he changed his mind because there was nothing better than to have her siphoning his come from his cock as she fluttered around him and her pretty voice whined and begged…

His hot come began to leak out of her pulsing hole as he thrusted in and when he stood back to watch as he pulled out and plunged in again he saw her cream coating him.

Her legs were still wobbly as he pulled out and gently turned her in his arms and pushed his lips to hers. She felt his warm hands on her face and she knew she had nothing to worry about with her priest. He loved her and she knew it without question. Misspeak or not, he wasn’t going to just give up on her because of an accident.

Bumping his nose to hers he whispered against her lips, “I’ll always choose you. Over everything. Don’t ever doubt my love for you, pet.”

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#harry styles #harry styles smut #smut #harry styles fanfic #harry styles x reader #priest!harry #priestrry #harry styles fic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles one shot #harry styles writing #harry styles imagine #harry styles fiction #dom!harry #firstpost #harry styles x yn #sub!reader #harry styles fan fic #harry styles fluff #harry edward styles #harrystyles #harry x yn #harry #harry smut #harry x reader #harry styles concept

[matan4il]

Ahead of Eurovision 2024

I was listening to Eden Golan's song, Hurricane.

At first, it didn't seem to me like it stands out. I'm one of the people who prefers my Eurovision song less on the power ballad side of things, so this being in that genre...

But then I found myself haunted by the lyrics. By specific lines. Singing them to myself quietly, over and over again. I had to listen to the song again.

And it got to me, it really did, I haven't stopped listening to or singing it since, so I guess I needed to share a bit.

There's more than one hint that this is a song about mourning and survival. Lines like, "someone stole the moon tonight, took my light" can be interpreted in more than one way. But they become less ambiguous when combined with ones like, "holding on in this mysterious ride," when the mysterious ride we're all on is life itself. It makes it clearer that this isn't just a break up song. Then it becomes even more explicit with, "we shall pass, but love will never die."

The imagery in the videoclip is also telling, that ending when Eden is looking up, much like many do when talking to or thinking about a loved one that we have lost.

But the line that gets to me the most, the first one that took over my brain? "I'm still broken from this hurricane."

We all get what this song is about, in the wake of what happened here in October 2023, and since. And I am broken. So many Jews and Israelis are. As one survivor said (his words have haunted me first, then I heard them echoed in this song): "We are broken, but strong." That's exactly what the song is about, deeply feeling the pain and the tragedy, the loss, this impossible to accept grief, and still trying to find a way to live with it, to survive not just the horrors of a massacre, but the trauma that follows it as well.

The other line that affects me the most is directly related to this, "baby, promise me you'll hold me again." Because I have spent the last 5 months watching the news, seeing the funerals, and hearing people breaking down, as they say a variation of this to their loved ones, who are gone. Asking for a promise that can't be made, or fulfilled, and knowing that it can't, even as the request is being uttered. I hear their voices breaking around their words, whenever I listen to or sing this line.

The videoclip is also infused with imagery that's related to the massacre of over 360 people at the Nova music festival (and the kidnapping of 40 more from that scene), which is in a way very apt for music lovers. The images show dancers in what looks a lot like a nature party, just like Nova, and since the massacre happened when the music festival was meant to reach its peak, a long night of music and dancing climaxing around sunrise, that's exactly what we see, a move from the "moon light" throughout most of the videoclip, to the "sunrise" at the end.

But in the case of this "sunrise," Eden can smile, she can find comfort, she can sing a few words in Hebrew that reflect hope, about that little light that's left even when the moon's been stolen.

She's bringing the song to a beautiful, emotional closure.

Obviously, it can't be ignored that this is a re-write. The original song (which was called October Rain) was disqualified as "political."

You can read the original lyrics here. They're almost identical. I heard an interview with the song writers, who said they weren't even told what got their song disqualified, so they had to guess what the Eurovision Broadcasting Union had in mind, when they called an expression of our pain, and our strength at the face of that, "political."

I admit, I find it very hard to accept this disqualification. It's not like there isn't precendent for countries at the Eurovision expressing pain (including the kind originating from political circumstances) through their songs.

If you take the wildly popular Ukraine 2007 entry, the singer was quite obviously singing "Russia goodbye," with allusions to Russian interference in Ukrainian elections while wearing outfits reminiscent of Soviet uniforms. And that wasn't called political, because "Russia goodbye" was changed into gibberish that still sounds like it (and in recent performances, it was blatantly sang like that).

If you take the much talked about Croatia 2023 entry, it was about the Russian invasion of Ukraine in 2022, and also criticized Belarus' tyrant kissing Russia's tyrant's ass, by referencing the tractor that Lukashenko bought for Putin, while the band members played with military weapons and uniforms on stage. And that wasn't disqualified for being political.

If you take the Ukraine 2016 entry, that was explicitly singing about their pain over what the Russians did to the Tatar population in Crimea in 1944, with clear allusions to what Russians did when they invaded Ukraine's Crimean peninsula in 2014. And that wasn't called "political" either.

Even this year, we have the entry from The Netherlands being political, with both the lyrics and videoclip referencing the borderless Europe (which IS a political issue, as Brexit, if nothing else, had made clear). I've seen people pointing out online that the song isn't political, because the whole borderless Europe thing is a metaphor for the singer's grief for his father/parents. I have no problem with that reading, but let's acknowledge that there could have been many metaphors for that, and he chose a political one.

So why is Jewish pain treated differently? Why is our pain labeled "political," when the metaphors for it in the songs aren't that, there are no specific political mentions of people or organizations in the song (unlike the Georgia 2009 entry, which slipped Putin's name into the song's title) in either version, when there are no political statements being made in the song, there's just expressing our pain, and trying to find a way to cope with it?

This WAS the biggest massacre of Jews since the Holocaust, and expecting Jews not to write about it, not to sing about it, not to try to process it through art... Our pain is not political. It's human. When Ukraine won in 2022 with a song that wasn't originally political, but became one, as it was adopted by Ukrainians suffering from a war that they did not choose, but had to fight, singing it wherever they were displaced (I remember the winners, Kalush Orchestra, coming to Israel to sing it for and with Ukrainian refugees who found shelter here), I thought it was quite obvious, even for people who don't like politics at Eurovision, why the song won, and why everyone overlooked the fact that it was only partly based on its qualities as a Eurovision song. I don't expect Israel to win, I very much expect that, even as Israelis embrace this song about our pain during a war, that we didn't choose, but have to fight, and while hundreds of thousands of us are still displaced, we will get a lot of hatred, instead of understanding and sympathy. But I still have to speak up. I still have to point out that treating Israeli or Jewish pain differently is wrong.

(as a footnote, I wanna get ahead of the usual, "Why is Israel allowed to participate in Eurovision to begin with? It's not in Europe!" comments, while I haven't come across the same ritual for certain other Eurovision participants, like North African Morocco, just-as-Asian-as-Israel Lebanon, transcontinental {despite some of these countries only being considered European culturally, while geographically speaking, they're fully Asian} Georgia, Russia, Cyprus, Turkey, Azerbaijan and Armenia, and the one that's a continent all on its own, Australia. They all have the right to participate, because they all belong to the European Broadcasting Union. Just like Israel)

#israel #eurovision #esc #esc 2024 #esc 24 #antisemitism #israeli #israel news #israel under attack #israel under fire #anti terrorism #antisemitic #antisemites #jews #jew #judaism #jumblr #frumblr #jewish #eurovision 2024

[plutonianeris]

pick a pile: how does this new love feel like a fairytale? ⛓️💗

this is a general reading so take what resonates and leave what doesn't. Interpret & choose based on your inner guidance and gut feeling. messages can be either from you, them or both🍒

𓆩♱𓆪Pile one

right off the bat this is someone whose been eyeing you for a while. they could be the type that stare in awe at the pictures you post on social media “so pretty” or when they met you that have that immediate attraction.. “who is that?” lol them asking their friends when you walk in. this honestly feels like a fairytale because theyve been wanting you for a while but theyve been super patient i heard “no hard feelings” theyre actually so sweet (im getting water sign suns: cancer, pisces, scorpio energy oop 🙈).

like they have no problem admiring you from afar at alllll. they are mesmerized by you. and honestly they could have been a little toxic before meeting you (not abusive, but someone unable to share their emotions in a healthy way). it seems like they dont want u to see them in the shades and shadows of their trauma, wounds, healing. for them you are the light at the end of that tunnel. i heard “my day was pretty shitty until you showed up” they are willing to work hard for you. they are also very attractive & in an unconventional way (unique hair, being really tall, tattoos, something like that makes them stand out especially in their friend group).

💌letter from their pov;

I know you dont need me. you dont really look like the type to depend on anyone. I can see it in the way you eye people, especially men, with suspicion. you question my motives and thats fair. when youre that beautiful and charming, theres bound to be people that just want to use you. that are dying to be in you energy just to get the chance to say they were in your presence. i dont wanna be like that. i dont wanna be another read message in your phone. i dont wanna be another face that disappears in the crowd for you. and i know you feel that way too. that the worst thing for you isnt to be talked about. its to be ignored. its to be underestimated. trust me when i say since the moment i laid eyes on you, i never once doubted you. i know you are capable of bringing men to their knees with your eyes. i know that your laugh makes my pulse speed up. i know that you make me feel special. and sometimes i get jealous, wondering if you make other people feel that way too. I want to give you the whole world if you just let me.

𓆩♱𓆪Pile two

this new love feels like a fairytale because this happened in the moment when you’re least expecting it and also after you’re recovering from something. Whether it be a relationship break up with a partner or you just changing things in your life, like moving to a different neighborhood or no longer believing in certain things that were very important in your belief systems in the past. this is like a prince or princess, waiting to rescue you. At first, though it seems like you’re suspicious of this energy. You could find that they are way too good with their words. “too good to be true” “I bet you say that to all the girls/guys” energy. but honestly, it seems like you’re the only one that can keep up with them. You don’t give into them like other people do, and they constantly want to impress you by telling you random facts or teaching you about some thing they learned abroad or when traveling.

I am getting a sense that they are very flirty, but with other people it never goes past that it’s just something they do in the moment or theyre just really playful. But even as they’re talking to someone else, their eyes can’t seem to leave you even if you’re across the room. You like your routine and consistency so changing things about your own life is hard, much less accepting other people in. So when they flirt with you, you might not immediately flirt back. you might roll your eyes, but you can’t help but smile when they turn away. you could be someone with earth placements, especially capricorn or virgo. They give off a lot of mischievous energy. This other person could have a gemini placement, third house placements or ninth house placements (if ur into astro).

💌letter from their pov;

Relationships have never really been a priority for me. I mean, cmon I'm young. Isn't it the whole point to experience as much as I can? I know other people have things to say about me.. maybe I lead some people on. Maybe sometimes you feel that way too. But I promise it's not really like that. Well, with you, it isn't. I'm just inexperienced. And I guess that doesn't really stop me from flirting so much and being so cocky…But the truth is I crave your attention badly. You look like you really know what you want in life. And for me, that's all I ever wanted. Because when you know what you want, you get it. and thats when you really start living. After that, even our mistakes are our own and beautiful and intimate in their own way. I see the weariness in your eyes when you look at me. I know you're wondering if I am even worth your time. I promise I am. I promise I can be. And if I'm not, then you can just never speak to me right then and there, I swear. But I know there's more than weariness in your gaze as well. I know you are just as curious about me as I am about you.

𓆩♱𓆪Pile three

This love feels like a dark romance. This pile is not as lighthearted as the previous two at all. It feels like a fairytale in that "magical" sense though because it will feel like love at first sight. You both will feel immediately physically attracted to the other but what makes it even more intense is that at first no one seems to be able to make the first move. It might seem too good to be true to the point where you don't even wanna disturb the "illusion." You dont wanna burst the bubble. Also, the magnetic attraction you feel/ that slow burn makes it even more desirable for both of you. In synastry, you both might have a lot of conjunctions (especially with pluto, moon, and mars). I also pulled north node synastry as well (and this synastry makes it feel like you're meant to be aka its destiny. but its also uncomfortable). "I have never felt like this before" energy.

Honestly, I see this pile as being able to go both ways and it can easily make you feel heartbroken. You might have venus-pluto placements yourself or 8th house placements or they do. When you are together though, you both hate when other people interrupt. You love your alone time. It feels really good. This pile is all about intense eye contact, glancing down at each others lips, meeting in secret, getting jealous when other people try to talk to the other, hands brushing as you walk but never fully touching. But then devouring each other when alone (if you both end up trusting each other when to get there because, again, one of you or both are hesitating). If you open your heart and learn to trust and communicate in a healthy manner, it could be a life changing connection.

💌letter from their pov;

It feels wrong to fantasize about you the way I do. But I can't really help it. I think about the way your back would feel arched under my palm. your lips on mine, tongues meeting, teeth clashing. I look at your hands and imagine them gripping the sheets at the same time I grip your thighs. It feels wrong that these are things that have crossed my mind since I first met you. sometimes I try to lie to myself. Tell myself that maybe im not really that into you. but its such bullshit. even then, theres the what if. what if. what if. it looks like every odds are against us. we are complete opposites. it might never work. but im willing to take that risk. im willing to bet on us. even if it falls apart. but judging from the way you freeze up when we make eye contact I know its far beyond that. I know you felt it too. the day we met, how you paused. i know that we would love hard. and fall harder. and if it doesnt work out, it would be devastating. and yet, i would still decide to do it all over again. and you would too. life is too short. I dont want us to be a what-if.

#pac #pick a deck #pick a photo #pick a picture #pick a pile #pick a card reading #tarot pac #astrology #zodiac #pick a deck reading #soulmate pick a pile #pick an image reading #pac tarot #tarotonline #astro tarot reading #tarot reading #lover pac #future love reading #love pac #love reading #soulmate pac

[deadbeatbirdmom]

I've a vague recollection of posting something about this before at some point, but I've seen other posts around about it and felt like saying something.

Yang Xiao Long is canonically sapphic. At this stage the only thing we know for certain is that she's romantically paired with Blake. There was this whole confession of love and kiss, and seeing a gif of that cross my dash was what got me into RWBY.

There was also the Volume 9 Bluray commentary released later on last year, the gist of the relevant part of that is Blake is Yang's first love, and as of that confession scene Yang is realising something new about her sexuality. If CRWBY had wanted to confirm Yang as lesbian, bi or pan, they could've. But it sounds like Yang herself hasn't fully figured that out yet. The only thing that is certain is that Yang isn't het.

That means there's nothing wrong with headcanons that she's lesbian, or bi, or pan. Or even that she's Blakesexual and not interested in anyone else and never will be. All are valid. There's no erasure or phobia of any sexual orientation involved with any of these headcanons.

My own headcanon is that she's lesbian, or will be when she's figured it out. It's something that takes time for a lot of people, me included. I was over 25 before I figured out I was bi. You'd think that being bi I'd headcanon Yang as bi too, but no, and that's not internalised biphobia. I just don't get the impression she's interested in men.

But what about this moment back in Volume 1?

Yang leering at shirtless boys, after saying she approves of them in response to Ruby commenting that she doesn't think their dad would approve of all the boys. This is the single time Yang shows any interest in boys, and it sounds a lot like a joke. It can be interpreted as Yang genuinely finding those boys attractive, but with the way Yang has a thing where she deflects with humour it's hard to tell for sure.

There's also the secondary canon of that Volume 9 commentary. At this point in Volume 1 Yang herself presumably had even less certainty of her own sexuality than she does at least a year later. She's 17 here, and she's 19 when she kisses Blake. We also know from that commentary that Yang's first love is Blake, so anyone she might have been with before that? She didn't love them. And I personally find it unlikely that she'd be with anyone she didn't love.

Secondary canon is one of those things that some people ignore. If it's not in actual main canon, they don't consider it canon. It's also easier to miss than main canon. There could well be people who haven't heard about the Volume 9 commentary. There could even be people who don't know that Blake is bi, because it's not explicitly stated in RWBY itself. It's just implied by her romantic history, and by Bumbleby being canon.

There's also nothing wrong with shipping Yang with anyone else. She's with Blake in canon, but there's no reason she can't be with someone else in headcanons and fanfic or fanart. And vice versa with Blake. Which does feel kinda weird to type, but then they are my OTP.

#Yang Xiao Long #Bumbleby #Blake Belladonna #deadbeatbirdmom posts

[m1ssunderstanding]

Understanding Lennon McCartney Rewatch Part 3.2

The thing is Paul just physically can't say what he feels. It's just an impossibility for him. So if he says reading a negative article about himself “doesn't help” or “it's not good” but it “doesn't get home” I just assume he means ‘It hurts, but I can't think about that too hard or I'll go into a self-hate suicidal spiral again’. 

I always love how Paul says Linda. “Linder is er, nature mad.” 

She!!

Hearing Paul talk about watching Mary be born makes me wonder if John was there with Sean? Also I wonder if Linda would talk about the experience so glowingly. Probably. She's tough as nails. I had a lovely experience, personally, after the epidural lol

“Dear friend . . . I'm in love with a friend of mine.” This is such a strange and beautiful song. It's a man who has to apologize to his friend for falling in love with someone else. At least, that's my interpretation. What's everyone else's?

I understand why he's so closed off. I do. But when John is going off every five seconds, we're missing half the picture here and it's turning out warped. They really are such a good study of attachment honestly.

“Nothing will ever break the love we have for each other.” White-knuckling my way through this section with this quote clenched in my fist.

Yoko, talking about John fighting with Paul: any couple will go from swearing to kissing and it's like that. What favors are you doing yourself here, babe? Maybe John's the PR mastermind between the two of them.

I find John's comparison of working with his romantic partner to being ambidextrous very confusing. Does he mean just doing two things at once?

“If I can't have a fight with my best friend, I don't know who I can have a fight with.” -- Intro slutty gender-fluid Wings Paul my beloved -- “Tell me why, why, why do you treat me so bad? So bad? When you're the best friend a man ever had?” I heard on some podcast somewhere. Someone was going on about how forward-thinking the Beatles were to refer to the women in their songs as “friends”. And I was like, nununununu do not give them that credit.

This is just soooo. In this era? 90 minutes in the middle of a recording session?

John: Sorry, my estranged fiance is calling, gotta take a break. Guitarist: again? Drummer: how estranged can they be if they call every three minutes? Yoko: should we just record the other parts or . . . John: (receiver cradled to his cheek, lovesick grin on his face) Hey, how was Heather's school program? Haha, yeah, I bet she was.

Okay, so you've made up with Paul and now you're done being homophobic? *Cardi b voice* well that's suspicious. 

The fact that John's asking Paul to play on stage with him in 1972?? Ugh! If it was just about legalities and money and shit I would be genuinely so pissed at Paul for not going. If only because Come Together sounds incredibly lame without his bass and piano. But also for the obvious fix-it reasons. I have to remind myself of how truly awful Klein was. By being the only one to stand firm against him, Paul actually ended up saving them all from a lot of trouble. But gosh would this have been good!

Things normal people say, for sure, for sure.

Okay in my head it went like this. John calls George and bitches about what an egomaniac Paul is because he won't do anything with him as long as Klein is involved. George gets off the phone and calls Ringo and they make a bet as to how long it is until John decides they should get rid of Klein. 

“Where's your audience, Paul?” “In the theater, Dave.” As he should. The cuntiness is unparalleled. Yeah, maybe people like to see a family friendly eclectic magic pixie sexy hard rock floor show? Ever thought about that, Dave?

Anyway, he seems genuinely pissed when the interviewer even mentions the other Beatles and he refuses to even admit he still talks to any of them. Why? 

John's just so benevolent and selfless. He's completely straight, of course, but he's always offering to do gay shit. You know. To be nice. 

I forget that not only was May their literal employee, but she was ten years younger on top of that. And yet, she managed to do so much good in that relationship. I have so much respect for her. 

There's obviously a lot going on behind the scenes that they don't say in interviews. Duh. But I wonder what it is that caused Paul to be so open and happy in this interview where he's asked about the other Beatles compared to before. I wonder if he and John had a really lovely talk, or if he's heard a demo of “I know, I know.” Or maybe it's just he's so reassured that they've got rid of Klein that he feels safe acting open to a reunion on record. Who knows, Yoko. 

So so smart to pair “In My Life” handwritten lyrics with the matching lyrics of “I know I know” playing at the same time. I forget about that connection (“I love you more”) because it's so overshadowed by the “than yesterday” right after. I seriously wonder if John thought he was being so obvious with this one the way he was with HDYS and half hoped people would ask him if it was about Paul and he could make up for the whole thing. Because it's just so heavy-handed. It's beautiful. I love it. I'm sure Paul loved it. But yeah. John's just beating us over the head with the references here. 

I also wonder (very tentatively!!!) if Paul was maybe a bit more emotionally vulnerable with John than we usually think. I would never think this except for the “you know I nearly broke down and cried” “I'm sorry that I made you cry” and “no more crying!” I don't know. What do we think? 

His little baby smirk. It's so silly and cute. He's being very positive about getting back together, and the interviewer asks if John would initiate that. Just a very coy, “a, well, I couldn't say.” I wonder if at that point if he'd said on live tv that he wanted to get together again if it would've happened. Seems like it might have, but I understand him being scared. 

Elton John taking pictures like a fan and John: I wanna impound all those photos till I get me green card. What a random idea for a commercial. I love it, obviously, it's hilarious. I wonder who thought of it. 

This doc is so good at implication. The smirk as “loving in the palm of my hand” plays. That's not a reference to hand jobs, is it? Certainly not talking to someone with beautiful hands?

Everyone go look up Nineteen Hundred Eighty Five on YouTube. The singing sex is something else, yeah, but I'm always so blown away by the piano part. The fact that he's self taught and doesn't read music and this man will go on to compose symphonies. 

#paul mccartney #the beatles #john lennon #mclennon #linda eastman #yoko ono #understanding lennon mccartney #ulm

[hugmekenobi]

Return to the Light

A Bad Batch Post S2 Oneshot

Gif by @spacemagicandlaserswords

Hunter x femaleJedi!reader

Summary: Being separated from one another had taken it's toll and the search had been hard but in all the darkness, a glimmer of hope remains

Warnings: Mentioned canon-typical violence, swearing, my made-up timeline, limited use of y/n, some choice interrogation techniques, sad flashbacks, mentions/descriptions of torture, mentions of death, mentions/descriptions of injury and sickness, reader is not in the greatest of headspaces and takes it out on Lyra, talks of self-sabotage/sacrifice and self-loathing, my interpretation of all things Force, dodgy Star Wars medical techniques, slight manipulation/miscommunication, kissing, overall a pretty angsty time but there's some fluff sprinkled in

Masterlist for S1 and S2

Word Count: 18.2K (don't look at me, idk what happened lol)

Rating: 18+

Author's note: Huge shoutout and thanks to my friend @burningfieldof-clover who supported and provided many helpful tips as I struggled though this!! And its finally here! I am so sorry it took so long but I hope you all enjoy it despite the wait! I have another one planned to follow that hopefully will not take as long haha so I'm excited to get to work on that too! Also praying that by posting this, I can manifest a S3 trailer haha

Nelvaan

Ever since the disaster of Ord Mantell and from the second they’d managed to flee; Hunter had been doing everything he could to find you and Omega again. He’d tormented himself with the various possibilities of what could be happening to the two of you. Every day he’d been apart from you both had seen him fighting with himself. Possible informants and Imperial soldiers he could cope with just fine, what had been proving to be a struggle was fighting the complete hopelessness that had overwhelmed him as the weeks dragged on with no sign or information on the whereabouts of either of you. Every failed lead had left the bitter taste of disappointment and there were times when he felt like he would be crushed by the weight each defeat brought.

Things had started to shift however when they came across the various wanted posters and holoimages of you that were strewn across the galaxy, particularly in the Outer Rim. So, when Echo had decided to do some work on his own and went back to working with his contacts within the Empire and reported back that you hadn’t actually been taken, he’d felt that flicker of hope he hadn’t been able to find for a long time and the plan changed. Echo would continue to utilise his allies in the search for Omega whilst he and Wrecker looked for you. Once Hunter had you back, the four of you would reconvene and find Omega.

To get to Omega, they needed your skills and… and Hunter just needed you but there were moments in the early stages of the search where it seemed impossible. Knowing you were out on your own helped with finding his way out of the darkness but knowing you were alive and finding you alive were very different things, the latter was proving to be incredibly challenging.

You may had stopped hiding what you were, but you were remarkably good at making an impression somewhere but still finding a way to go unseen. Every location they’d gone to, they’d been too late, and you appeared to have moved on. You never stuck around anywhere for too long and it was making things a lot harder.

The most recent trail of half-baked information he and Wrecker had followed had led them to this pawn shop- ‘Hidden Gems’. According to rumour, you’d been in asking about them, yet another piece of knowledge that only added to his frustration that they always seemed to miss you by a matter of weeks. Hunter opened the door, but the owner’s back was still turned to them as they pashed the threshold.

Kedrin heard the bell clang as the door opened and shut. “I’ll be with you in a flash.” He said as he finished writing up the recent sales. He closed the book and turned around with a salesman smile on his face, but that and his words of welcome instantly died on his lips as he saw who had walked in.

Immediately upon seeing these men, Kedrin was reminded of a description given to him a while ago by the Jedi everyone had been talking about and he did not want them here. He did not want to deal with this anymore. “Ah, well actually gentlemen, I was just closing up for the afternoon. You’ll have to come back.” He said, wringing his hands nervously as the bigger one split off and began wandering the shop whilst the one with the bandana stayed where he was.

Hunter leaned his back against the door and lazily played with his vibroblade. He knew by the beads of sweat on the owner’s brow and the anxious pounding of his heart that they were in the right place. “Where is she?” He asked, his voice low and hostile as he turned the sign from open to closed, his eyes never leaving the owner.

Kedrin retreated to behind the counter. “I um…” His throat was as dry as sand and he swallowed to get some moisture back so he could speak properly. “I don’t know who-” He cleared his throat again. “Who you are referring to. Perhaps-”

“There’s not point in lying to him. If I can tell you are, he definitely can.”

Kedrin’s eyes darted to the bigger one who had offered the advice, but he had to bring his attention back to the tattooed soldier who was staring at him with such cold and dark eyes that fear creeped up his spine, making his hair stand on end and goosebumps rise on his flesh.

“Where is she?” Hunter asked again as he pushed off the door and steadily walked towards the man.

“I’m- I’m afraid I don’t- don’t have the answer you seek.” Kedrin stuttered. As the soldier drew closer, Kedrin reached under the table and grabbed the blaster he kept concealed there. But, as he lifted it out, in the blink of an eye, the weapon was shot out of his hand and his head was smacked down and being pressed harshly into the countertop- a strong hand on the back of his neck reducing his struggles to break free to be no more than a pitiful effort. His resistance ceased altogether when he felt the sharp tip of a blade being pushed into the back of his hand and he cried out in discomfort as the metal broke the skin and blood began to spill from the cut but there would be no respite for him.

“Try again.” Hunter hissed as he brought his head down to the man’s level.

But all Kedrin could do was whimper in pain.

“She was here. We know she was here. Where did she go?” Hunter growled into his ear, applying more pressure to the point of the blade, ignoring the agonised yelp.

“I don’t know!” Kedrin protested in distress, his voice slightly muffled as his lips touched the cold material of the counter. He hated this part of the job, it wasn’t his fault he had access to other ports of information, it just worked out that way and for the most part he hadn’t gotten into too much bother. But ever since that Jedi woman had come to him with her threats, he’d vowed to himself that he would turn over a new leaf. He’d leave this element of his work behind, and he wouldn’t just be a pushover to whatever or whoever came in demanding his extra services. He felt the hand leave the back of his neck. He uneasily straightened up and tenderly analysed his injury on his hand but was grateful to see that it had felt and looked worse than it was. He took out a handkerchief from the lapel of his jacket and wrapped it up before he tidied his hair in an attempt to regain some calm and control over the situation. “Now, I ask that you leave this instance before I call the proper authorities.” He demanded, but he couldn’t shake the quiver in his speech which removed any forcefulness. He walked around the counter and gestured to the door.

Hunter ignored his requested. He simply took a step back and nodded sharply to Wrecker who cracked his knuckles and neck in intimidation.

Well, he could always start next week. “Wait wait wait! I actually might have something!” Kedrin back peddled fearfully as the larger one stalked towards him and grabbed him by the lapels of his jacket, raising him to his tiptoes. “My brother runs our partner pawn shop on Christophsis and he’s said there’s been Jedi activity there. Apparently, it’s been going on for a while now. Could be who you’re looking for?”

Wrecker glanced back at Hunter who signalled to him to drop the man.

Hunter silently turned on his heels and led the way out of the shop and back to the Marauder. He’d been powerless for far too long and had failed one too many times but that wasn’t going to happen anymore.

This time they weren’t going to miss you.

--

Christophsis

When the hour had finally got late enough, you grabbed your blaster and sheathed your vibroblade and made the final adjustments to your armour before you sneakily opened your door to dark and empty main room of the run-down apartment. You pulled your hood and mask up as you stepped out and headed for the exit.

You got as far as activating the panel for the door to open before the lights turned on.

“You’re going out again.”

You closed the door and huffed out an irritated breath. You swivelled on your heels to see Lyra standing in the doorway of her room. You tugged down your mask. “Yeah… and?”

“And I thought after the last time, you were going to take some time and-”

“You know I can’t do that.” You interrupted icily.

“You’ve barely recovered. I just think-”

“I’ve recovered enough.”

“It’s just one more night. If not for your sake, then do it for mine… please.”

“We’ve already settled here for you, didn’t we?” You retorted.

“After I begged you too! If it were up to you, we’d still be living on that hellhole of a ship and never staying anywhere for more than two weeks! And I don’t know if what we have right now is all that better!”

“I gave you an out months ago! Back on Ord Mantell and again on Corellia! You didn’t have to follow me!” You snapped angrily.

Lyra scoffed. “Corellia was when you finally deemed it fit to fill me in on the whole story after I saw you choke the life out of a man without laying a hand on him. I had known something was off in the weeks since Ord Mantell and then Corellia told me you needed someone. Forgive me if I wanted to stick around to try to help you!”

“I don’t need saving.” You said tightly. “And anyway, he got what was coming to him.” You said utterly uncaring with a simple shrug of your shoulders. “Now, can I go now? Are you done scolding me?”

Lyra looked at you imploringly. “Don’t you see what this is doing to you? You’re losing who you are and it’s-”

You couldn’t listen to the speech again. “I’m not doing this with you again, Lyra. Just go back to bed and I’ll be back later.”

Lyra looked at you in disbelief. “Later? Last time you said that I didn’t see you for three weeks and you came back tortured and half-dead! You’re no good to them if you die in the process of finding them!”

You just shook your head and lifted your mask and turned to open the door again.

“I can’t watch you kill yourself for this anymore.” Lyra said quietly to your back, her words laced with pity and sadness.

“Then don’t look.” With that, you stepped outside into the night.

--

Kirion stepped into the small kitchen in the back of his shop and sifted through the second cupboard. Instinct meant he didn’t need the light and he found what he was looking for.

“Trouble sleeping?”

Kirion yelped and dropped his mug. It smashed to the ground but that was not his concern anymore. The dark outline by the window was. “I don’t want any trouble.” His voice trembling.

“Do you know what they say about people who can’t sleep at night, Kirion?” You asked as you hopped off the counter, the yellow hue of the streetlights coming through the window illuminating your figure.

“N- no.”

“Plagued by a guilty conscience. The crushing weight of knowing you’re not doing enough, or you’ve gone too far can get to you. Or say, being a pawn shop owner intent on ripping everyone off for that extra bit of profit.”

Kirion cleared his throat nervously. He didn’t know how you knew that, but you’d gathered quite the reputation in the time you’d lived here, and he didn’t want you around. “Why are you here then?” He asked shakily. “Guilty conscience too?”

You laughed humourlessly. “You get the pleasure of my company because you have something for me.” Somewhere deep down, you had a different answer, but you wouldn’t allow yourself to bring that to the surface. It would get you nowhere.

“I don’t. I swear I-”

“Oh, this’ll go a lot better if you don’t lie to me.” You said, your voice hardening. You patted him roughly on the shoulder as you stepped past him.

“I don’t know if I have the information you’re looking for.”

“You know who I am?” You flicked the light on and waltzed into the storefront filled with clear glass cases with various pawned off items. Heirlooms, artifacts, jewellery, random items- all seemed to have a place here, whether they were genuine or not. You beckoned him to come in.

“It’s um kind of hard not to.” He wringed his hands anxiously as he followed you in and signalled to the front of the store. He took that opportunity to press the button under the table by the credit register.

You followed his stare and chuckled as you saw the backs of the posters in the front window. “I can sign one for you later.” You started scanning variety of items he possessed. “Quite the business you’ve got here.”

“Keeps-” He swallowed nervously. “Keeps the credits coming in.”

“Shame a lot of it is all garbage.” You smashed your elbow against one of the glass panels. “Anakin Skywalker’s lightsaber?” You snickered as you picked up the item and sure enough, you got nothing from it. “Please. Nothing here but a bunch of dressed up metal material and a design anyone with access to an old holonet could copy. Then again, you probably knew that, but it doesn’t stop you underpaying for it and then charging a steep fee for the poor sucker that falls for it.”

Kirion gulped as he watched you continue your assault on his store.

You shattered a few more glass panes with claims of ‘Jedi artifacts’ in them. “Some of this is just embarrassing. You actual convince people that this stuff is worth the price?”

“What do you want?” Kirion interjected swiftly as he saw you getting ready to break another one.

You paused your movement and angled yourself to face him. You mimed applause. “That’s the right question. See, you gave yourself away earlier, Kirion. I’d expect you to know who I am, but to know that I’m after information? You had no way of knowing that, not officially and it’s the fact that you do know, that makes you of use to me.”

“Of use?” Kirion repeated fretfully.

You stalked closer to the desk register, the broken glass crunching beneath your feet. “You run this place in a back alley and get everyone from all walks of life coming in here pawning off their shit that you then rip off, but I really don’t give a fuck about that. What I do give a fuck about is that you hear things. People will tell you their stories, the things they’ve seen and overheard in the streets or on their travels. You are a fountain of knowledge of the underground happenings in this galaxy. Or, at the very least, you know people that run in the circles that have what I’m searching for.

“I-”

You placed a finger on his lips to shush him. “Here’s how this will work: So long as you don’t lie to me, and you don’t call the Empire, I won’t hurt you and you get to keep your life. Are we clear?” You removed your finger.

“C-crystal.” Kirion stuttered, very much regretting what he’d done in the beginning of this meeting.

“Good.” You released a short breath. “Now, I’m looking for a group of clones. They don’t look like the ones you may come across these days, rare as that seems to be now. One wears a red bandana and has a tattoo on the left-side of his face. Looks like this.” You pointed to the white insignia on your top. “But it’s black. The other is tall and bald with a scar on his left temple and he’s blind in his left eye. Heard of anyone like that?”

“I don’t know. No one like that’s come here.” Kirion shifted his feet awkwardly.

You tossed your head back in aggravation. “I really don’t have time for this.” You summoned the Force and lifted him against the wall and started to compress his airway. “I told you; I don’t like liars.” You gave him a pitying stare as he couldn’t help but clutch desperately at his throat. “Wanna try again?” You relaxed your hold slightly to give him the chance to speak.

“Okay- they- they- could be- be- coming here.” He gasped.

“They’re coming here?” You double checked as you eased your grip and let him get his feet back on the ground.

Kirion panted as he felt the invisible hold around his neck loosen. “Yes, my other store got a visit from some men that match what you’re saying. The manager there told them there was a Jedi here and called me earlier to let me know they might pass this way. That’s all I know, please, get out!”

You narrowed your eyes at him because despite his now honest words, you could tell he was getting anxious, and it wasn’t all because of you now. It was then that you heard the familiar pounding footsteps grow closer and halt outside the front door. You released an exasperated sigh and tutted. “Kirion… I thought we had an understanding.”

“No- wait! I-”

You called on the Force and snapped his neck before he had a chance to finish his plea and a second later, you heard the door crash open.

“You’re-”

“Under arrest?” You finished as you watched Kirion’s limp body slide to the floor. You heaved a sigh and turned to face the squad of ten stormtroopers that were lining the rows and blocking the path between you and the door.

“Get-”

“On my knees? Place my hands behind my head?” You interrupted, boredom evident in your tone as you crossed your arms and leaned against the till counter.

The troopers faltered slightly at your blatant dismissiveness of them.

You pretended to look confused for a moment. “Now, I can never keep track of where the Empire is in that whole phasing out thing so I always gotta ask this- any of you got a CT number?” You straightened up and hovered your hand over your blaster. “It’s always much simpler when none of you do.”

“Last chance, Jedi!” One of them called out as they readjusted their stances.

You scoffed and rolled your eyes. “Yeah… you all say the same thing.”

--

You quietly walked into your place and pulled your hood and mask down, ignoring the sting of pain as the material caught on the cuts on the bridge of your nose and your lip. You ran your tongue along your mouth and could still taste the harsh metallic taste of blood as it continued to ooze from the wound. Your nose was also still bleeding so you turned on the dim kitchen light to find something to stop it.

“Thought you’d be outta here by now.” You commented cooly without looking up as you heard her door open, and the soft padding of footsteps walk towards you. You fished out a cloth and ran it under some cold water and wiped away the congealed blood on your face before you held it to your nose.

“We don’t have a ship anymore, remember?” Lyra reminded you as she sat by the small kitchen table.

You’d forgotten about that. After the two of you had found this place, you’d sold it to someone who claimed to have word from Hunter. Unfortunately, that had turned out to be a rather bad deal and it was your first experience of dealing with the Imperials stationed here. “There are transports.”

Lyra just shook her head at you. “You still don’t get it.”

“Don’t really see what there is to get. Just hop on the next ship outta here, I won’t stop you.”

“I care about you, dumbass. Whatever is happening to you, I can’t just leave you alone in it.” Lyra replied wearily. Part of her wanted to, she’d even started packing a bag this time, but after these months spent with you and especially after what you went through recently told her you were one step away from a full-on breakdown and whether you would admit it or not, you still needed someone.

You ground out a sigh and stared down at the floor. She kept doing this. She kept having that faith in you that you couldn’t see but you didn’t deserve it. She should leave, she’d be better off without you but you didn’t have it in you to give her that final push. So, you worked on freezing her out, pushing her away until she realised you weren’t good for her or anyone else. But she refused, she was still here with you, and you couldn’t fathom why.

“Did you get what you were looking for?” Lyra asked, deliberately avoiding asking the state of the people that had clearly got in your way tonight. She’d seen what you were capable of but found that living in as much ignorance as she could saved her a lot of trouble. That and reminding herself you were not yourself right now.

“Yup.” You rinsed out the cloth and got ready to move into your room.

“I need to check your stitches. You weren’t ready for a fight yet.”

You knew what she would find if she looked. “No, you don’t.”

“(Y/N), let me see.” Lyra caught your arm as you went to move past her.

You huffed out another irritated breath but took your armour off before you lifted your first layer over your head. “Knock yourself out.”

She pushed up your vest top. “Yeah, you ripped a few open.” Lyra winced as she saw the lines of blood secreting from the sore and irritated looking now open wounds on your back.

“It’s fine.” You said dismissively. The pain wasn’t bothering you. You needed to come up with a plan of how to know when they got here.

“It’s not. Sit down.” She insisted as she went for the medkit. She had gotten well-acquainted with the item over the months, the most recent incident in particular had really tested her skills.

You released a resigned sigh and sat across from her and let her start cleaning them and closing them up again.

“They’re coming here, Lyra.” You found yourself whispering into the silence.

Lyra paused her process. “You’ve been told that before. The same thing happened on Cermau a couple months ago and it didn’t pan out. You-”

“I know what happened on Cermau. This isn’t like that.” You said defensively. It had to be different. You thought to yourself. You weren’t sure how many more dead ends you could take.

Lyra finished up the last few stitches. “You can’t know that.”

As soon as you felt her complete that last stitch, you stood. “Yes, I can.” You grabbed your armour and strode had over to your room without another word and shut the door.

You braced your hands against it and took a few deep breaths. You did have a way you could do but it had been so long since you’d gone near it, and you didn’t know if you could cope with the failure it might bring.

--

You settled in the middle of your crappy bed, the mattress sinking to the bedframe beneath as you shifted around to attempt to find some level of comfort. When you had found what you figured would be the ‘best’ spot, you crossed your legs and placed your hands on your knees.

You inhaled slowly, deeply, blocking out all the distractions of your mind and the sounds of the late-night life outside, and closed your eyes. You reached into the Force but what met you wasn’t any familiar signature. It was scenes and voices that you had tried so hard to forget.

Flashes of the people you’d hurt… you’d killed.

All that happened to you a week ago.

Tech hanging below the rail car.

Plan 99.

Omega, unconscious and injured on the ground.

Such an exquisite creature.

The torture he made you go through... and enjoyed.

His words to Hunter- To lose one of your own, it must weigh heavily on you as their leader.

Omega being carried off.

Hemlock letting you and Hunter have one last goodbye before you were taken away.

I love you.

No, it was too much. You couldn’t do it. Your breathing was shaky as you tore yourself out. You wiped the cold sweat from your palms. “Come on, get it together.” You told yourself as you took a long calming breath. You needed to do this right.

You centred yourself and went again. Except this time, all you could see was a vast space of darkness. No light, no hope, only darkness. Was this to be your fate? To be tormented by the fact you had let yourself fall and there was nothing left for you. How could you find them in this? You had no light left in you to give.

Spark.

You felt yourself twitch in discomfort. You knew that voice. That name. Only one person ever called you that.

Spark, you’re still not focused.

Let go of your anger. You’re not as lost as you view yourself to be.

No, no it couldn’t be. How could it be? No, this wasn’t right. You pulled yourself out and you looked around your room in a blind panic as you fought to get your distressed breathing back under control.

But it was only you in there. How could you hear him? It had to be some trick your mind was playing on you. Payback for all you’d done.

You exhaled heavily and braced your hands behind your neck as you looked to the ceiling. You stood and paced the confined space, shaking your hands as if you could shake away the bad feeling sitting on your chest.

You sat back on the bed and rolled your shoulders as you found your focus again. Faint rays of sun now came through the cracks in your window along with the sound of rain pattering against the fractured glass, but the new time meant nothing to you.

You didn’t care how long it would take; you were going to find them.

--

Hunter and Wrecker walked out of the ship and departed the bay to enter the streets of Christophsis- the rain sliding down their armour as they moved between the crowds.

“Well, we’re in the right place.” Wrecker commented as he nudged Hunter in the direction of the first holoscreen that had your image appear and a quick look at the immediate buildings followed that theme since they all had multiple paper posters in their windows and on their doors.

Hunter swallowed tightly as he saw holographic picture of you. There’d been one too many ‘right places’ in his search for you. He wasn’t going to accept that philosophy until he had something more than a wanted sign for you. “Come on. We’ll start with Kendrin’s brother.”

--

“So, you’re saying you saw a figure head in that direction after the disturbance last night?” A trooper pointed in said direction as she questioned the current resident on her list whilst the rest of her squad proceeded to clear the pawnshop.

“This looks like her handiwork, Sarge.” Wrecker uttered from the corner of the street they were observing from as he studied the scene ahead. Squads of troopers had cornered off the street and where questioning the civilians that appeared to live in the neighbourhood. And being carried out on stretchers were the dead bodies of troopers, but not all had blaster burns on their armour.

Hunter nodded his agreement and felt his heart beat that little bit faster with the flutter of hope. “Come on, we can’t stay here too long.” He directed as he and Wrecker turned away from the pawnshop.

As Hunter began to track your movements based on what he’d heard the trooper say, this finally being the right location was starting to feel a lot more plausible now.

--

There it was! You saw that faint glimmer of light in all the dark. It had to be them! You could feel it!

You jumped from your bed and grabbed your top and armour, hastily putting them on as you opened your door and bolted for the exit.

--

The weather had taken a turn for the worst, but you barely registered the pouring rain as you left the building. Your clothes were already soaked but it didn’t matter, you were too focused on holding onto that feeling of them.

“You’re the Jedi everyone is searching for.”

You whipped out your blaster and turned in the direction of the voice.

“No, wait! I don’t mean you any harm!” She came out from behind the skip with her hands in the air. “My name is-”

“Don’t tell me.” You interrupted sharply as you studied the Twilek before you. “How’d you find me?” You asked coldly. You didn’t lower your blaster either.

“It wasn’t easy. I’ve been following you since I knew of your arrival here. I thought I’d lost you when you disappeared for those three weeks.”

The fact you hadn’t sensed her presence at all told you that you were not what you used to be. You never used to be so sloppy. “I can’t have you knowing where I am.” You rested your hand over the trigger.

“Wait!” She reached a hand out to you. “I haven’t told anyone, and I won’t. I just need your help!”

“My help?” You repeated. “I can’t help you and I’ve got somewhere to be so-”

“Please.” She begged. “My sister, she’s sick and we barely have enough credits to feed ourselves, let alone get medicine.”

“Not my problem, I’m sorry.” Satisfied though that she wasn’t a true threat, you put your blaster away and got ready to leave.

“It wasn’t my sister’s problem that she got caught in a blaster fight and her wound got infected! No one asks for that!”

That made you pause. You’d had your fair share of shootouts in this place but you’d also you’re your best to minimise the damage to outsiders. “Where was the fight?” You found yourself asking quietly.

“About a month ago by the old shipyard on the outskirts of the city. We’d been told we could find some cheap transport off world, but something went down with the Imperials stationed there and my sister… I didn’t tug her down fast enough. I didn’t know what to do and then I heard of the Jedi that had landed in Christophsis and I knew I had to find you.”

A month ago… but that was where and when you’d gone to sell the ship… where’d you’d first been ambushed by the Imperials… no, there wasn’t meant to be anyone else there. Maybe you could… no, you didn’t have the time. Your aim was always good, it wouldn’t have been your shot that hit her. “I can’t.” You said dismissively, but there was a fading sense of conviction in your voice. Some part of you wanted to do the right thing by her. But it wasn’t enough to stop you pushing past her.

“I thought Jedi helped people!”

You stopped in your tracks and made a noise of resigned frustration as you turned around to face the young Twilek. “Wait here.”

You hastily ran back into your building, silently entered, and grabbed a few spare medical supplies from your kit before you ran back out to meet her again. “Alright, show me.”

--

Your place looked like a luxurious penthouse compared to where this young twilek and her sister were staying. It was virtually a single room with cracks in the walls and ceiling and there was a distinct damp aroma in the air. It was no wonder that they wanted to leave this place.

You then saw the smaller and younger twilek lying on a small mattress in the middle of the floor. There were drops of sweat dotted across her brow and she was shivering uncontrollably.

You’d never wanted anyone innocent to be affected by what you were doing yet it had happened with Lyra and now this child. “I’m sorry.” You whispered to her as you kneeled down beside her. You saw the bloodstain on her clothing and delicately lifted the end of her shirt to see the wound on her hip being covered by nothing more than a ripped piece of a shirt.  

“Can you help her?”

You half- turned to face the sister who was looking on fretfully. “I can clean the wound and reclose it. After that, it’ll be down to her. But the fact that she’d held on for so long is a good sign. She’s strong, she should be okay.”

The sister sighed in relief.

You brought out the supplies and recleaned and applied to bacta before you re-dressed the wound. “Do you have water?” You asked.

The sister nodded and dashed over to grab a cannister. She passed it to you.

“Lift her head.” You instructed gently.

She murmured words of comfort to her sister as she propped up her head.

As tenderly but as effectively as you could, you pushed the pill past her lips and got her to swallow it down with some water.

When her breathing had grown more controlled and her shivering had subsided, you go to your feet. “I’m leaving you some bacta and wound dressings along with some pills that’ll help with the fever. That’s all I can do now.”

“Thank you.” She clasped your hand tightly. “I won’t forget this.”

“It’s better that you do.” You said grimly. “And once she’s better, if you still need a way out of here, use the actual transports off this planet.” You chucked a bag of credits on the ground before you walked out of the room.

You rounded the corner but swiftly pressed your back against the wall since there was a group of stormtroopers directly in your path. You would have no chance of finding them with those soldiers in your way. You needed to find a way around them and what better way to do that than going from roof to roof. You summoned the Force and jumped to the top of the building and got moving.

You would get a better view from above anyway.

--

When another small squad of troopers made their presence known ahead, Hunter signalled him and Wrecker to an alleyway out of the line of their sight. He knew they were close to you, but the Imperial presence was making it hard to track you effectively.

“We can’t keep hiding like this, Hunter.” Wrecker grunted in frustration.

“I know, Wrecker.” Hunter agreed, equally as irritated. “If I could just-” He stopped suddenly.

“Hunter?”

“Someone’s here.” Hunter muttered quietly as his hand fell over his blaster.

“You’re getting sloppy, Sergeant. I’ve been following you the past 3 blocks.”

The voice that he’d been longing to hear and that was so familiar, he’d recognise it anywhere. His breath hitched with the realisation at what this finally meant. Hunter took off his helmet and turned around to the distant sound of feet hitting a puddle in the ground. And it was you. Standing there before him. It was finally you.

“Hello, Hunter.” You said softly, so softly you could barely hear the words themselves due to the sound of your own heart thundering in your ears. If it wasn’t for the flash of recognition in his eyes or the way Wrecker’s jaw dropped as he propped his helmet atop his head, you wouldn’t have been certain that you’d said anything at all. You tugged down your coverings and let yourself be unprotected to the rain.

He felt like the air had been punched out of his lungs. Hunter dropped his helmet and something akin to a choked gasp fell from his mouth as he could at long last lay his eyes on you. He started to slowly walk towards you but that soon became a run, water kicking up against him, but he didn’t care.

Your feet slapped against the wet ground as you met him halfway and crashed into his arms with a thankful sigh and buried your face in his neck. Even as you held him tightly to you, part of you still couldn’t believe that it was him. You felt something swell in your heart, a feeling you couldn’t place but knew you hadn’t felt in a long time.

Did you deserve this? Did you deserve to have him back after all you’d done? Pushing the thought away, you readjusted your embrace as if you could somehow hold him even closer.

He twisted his hands in your clothing and breathed you in. He’d imagined this moment for so long. When things seemed too dark and hopeless, he’d clung on to this. To think about how it would feel to finally see you again. To hold you again. And imagination couldn’t compare to the utter joy in his heart that reality brought him. He almost didn’t want to let you go for fear that you could be taken away again but practicality took precedence, the two of you couldn’t stay this way forever, as much as he might want to.

Tears mixed with rain streamed down both your cheeks as you parted from one another.

You cupped his face in your hands. “You’re here? You’re actually here?” You murmured, your voice cracking with emotion. You’d driven yourself crazy with picturing this moment, you needed to make sure this wasn’t your brain’s idea of a cruel joke.

Hunter removed your hands from his face and kissed your gloved knuckles. “I’m here.” He whispered back, his breathing still shaky as he pressed pressing his forehead into yours.

“You’re here.” You repeated as you looked into his soft brown eyes.

Hunter’s thumb gently caressed the cut on your lip, and he noticed the other wound on your nose. “Did they-”

You pulled his hand away. “Doesn’t matter. This is all I care about right now.”

Before Hunter could push the matter, he felt his brother approach.

“And what about me?”

You glanced past Hunter to the indignant but affectionate voice. “Hi, Wrecker.” You met his open armed invitation and let him swing your around as he hugged you.

“Good to see you, (Y/N)!”

“How’d you find me?” You asked as he placed you back down.

“You didn’t make it easy.” Wrecker griped. “We always seemed to be two steps behind you.”

“I haven’t exactly been hiding though.” You disputed as you pointed to a discarded wanted poster on the ground beside you.

“Between the Imperials and dead end leads and your rather annoying ability to hide in plain sight, it was tough. We got a lucky break with a guy whose brother owned another pawn shop here. Saw the results of a fight and figured we’d finally caught up with you.” Hunter explained as he came to stand in front of you and took his helmet from his brother.

You gulped. You’d be careful to make sure the people you’d gone after had no one they’d be leaving behind. You didn’t realise you’d messed up with that this time. “He- he had a brother?”

Hunter tilted his head at the unusually emotive response. “Apparently but I’m assuming you had a good reason for ending it the way you did.”

You coughed. “Yeah, totally.” You straightened your back and changed the subject. “Where’s Echo?”

“Using his contact to try to get more intel on Hemlock. We still don’t know where he’s holding Omega.” Hunter kicked the ground. “Don’t suppose you have anything?”

“I wish I did but everything I gathered was either old or what we knew already. He’s good at laying low.” You seethed.

“We’ll get him, though. We have too.” Wrecker stated firmly.

“How soon can you leave?” Hunter asked.

“Um, well-” You cut yourself off as your sight drifted past Hunter’s shoulder to the end of the alley at the lone trooper that had a blaster pointed at Hunter’s back.

“Watch out!” You yelled as you pushed Hunter out the way of the incoming blaster bolt. You drew your blaster and fired a shot that landed in the centre of the trooper’s chest, and he dropped to the ground. But you knew, where there was one stormtrooper, there would be at least five more behind them.

“We need to move out.” Hunter urged as he got back to his feet and put his helmet on. “A firefight will draw too much attention.”

“No time.” You stated simply as you pulled your hood and mask back up.

“We’ve got more incoming!” Wrecker confirmed as he lowered his helmet and opened fire on the small squad of troopers that had arrived.

The three of you took cover behind a skip, only firing defensive shots back. You needed to draw the soldiers closer before going on the offensive.

When they had gotten close enough, Hunter threw a smoke bomb, the action allowing the three of you to advance and take out the troopers one shot at a time.

As the firefight continued, however, you began to feel unsteady on your feet and your movements felt unbalanced. Your tingling limbs ensured that your aim was skewed too. All that, combined with the wetness you felt pooling from your stomach meant the trooper had better aim than you credited them for- you’d been hit. You couldn’t afford to think about what this meant, right now, you needed to get outta here.

But you’d been distracted long enough for one downed soldier you’d dismissed as being a threat to come around and jab their blaster against your knee. You grunted with the impact but turned your blaster on him and he lay limp on the ground.

Hunter and Wrecker tidied off the few retreating stragglers. They could deal with this small group but anything more would prove difficult.

With the last trooper taken care of, you braced yourself against the wet wall. The fading adrenaline in your system now being replaced by agony and you ripped your mask down and took deep but laboured breaths.

“Their reinforcements won’t be long. We made a bit of noise.” Wrecker said as he holstered his blaster.

But Hunter wasn’t paying attention to what Wrecker was saying. His gaze was fixed on you and the way you were struggling to hold yourself up against the wall. “(Y/N), what-” He stopped as he saw the crimson drops that mixed with the rainwater drip from the hand pressed to your stomach onto the ground. No, no, no. He thought to himself. This couldn’t be happening. He couldn’t lose you when he’d only just found you again.

Your knees buckled and you fell to the ground, Hunter catching your shoulder was the only reason you were able to stay sitting up but without the distraction of the fight, the pain was overwhelming. Black spots danced in the corners of your vision, but you couldn’t succumb to them, not now. Not after all this. You tried to lift your head to speak but all that left your mouth was a tortured groan.

As collected as he wanted to be to deal with this, he couldn’t totally keep his panic at bay. His hands trembled as he attempted to get you to look at him. He delicately brushed some loose strands of hair from your face. “Sshh, I’ve got you.” He whispered tenderly, fighting to keep the worry out of his voice. What made it all the worse was that he knew this wound didn’t occur through the fight they’d just seen out, you’d been hurt shoving him out the way of that first shot that drew the rest of the stormtroopers in.

How could he have allowed this to happen? What good were his enhanced senses if he couldn’t protect the people he loved. You shouldn’t have needed to push him out the way of that blaster bolt, he should’ve known the trooper was there and now you were paying the price for his mistake.

“What can we do?” Wrecker asked quickly.

You winced and tried for words again. “Medical centres are a no. Where’s- where’s the ship?”

“Landing bay 6.” Wrecker replied.

You inhaled sharply. Your current state made things all too easy for the Imperials to catch you making your way there. “Too far. We- we gotta get to my place. She- she might kill me but- argh!” You broke off with a cry of pain as you reached a hand up to Hunter. “But it’s safe there and- and she’ll know what to do.”

“Hold on.” Hunter rasped as he took a grip of your forearm and signalled to Wrecker to keep an eye out as he pulled you to your feet.

You pressed your hand into your side with a pained gasp as Hunter put his arm around you and supported most of your weight and the three of you got on the move.

--

“This is it?” Wrecker asked- his scepticism evident despite the pressing matter at hand- as he stared at the condemned building.

“All the regular penthouses were taken.” You kidded before you swayed on your feet as a wave of dizziness struck.

“Woah, easy.” Hunter cautioned as he strengthened his grip.

“Second floor.” You hissed. “And mind the fourth step on the second staircase. Half of it is missing.”

“It can never just be simple.” Hunter grumbled anxiously as Wrecker opened the decrepit door to the building.

“Would it really be a reunion if everything went well?” You joked deliriously.

“Right now, yes I would definitely prefer it.” Hunter fretted as he saw your head dip. You were losing the battle of staying conscious with each passing second. The next time it happened, he wasn’t sure you would be able to lift your head again.

--

Lyra had barely any time to process the familiar people standing in her doorway as she answered the pounding knock. All she could do was stare at you, half collapsed against Hunter’s side, your hand cradling your stomach, and then her eyes caught sight of the trail of blood that had followed your path up. “What-”

“Hey, girl. Remember- remember how I promised I wouldn’t put you through something like this again? Turns out, I shouldn’t- shouldn’t have done that.” You said through gritted teeth before you stumbled as you tried to take a step forward, prompting Hunter to lift you up.

“Please.” The hoarse plea was all Hunter managed to say.

“Lay her here.” Lyra quickly stepped aside to let the three of you in and pointed to the couch.

Hunter hustled inside and delicately placed you on the worn soft. He took off his helmet and kneeled by your head and stroked your hair back from your forehead. “You’re going to be alright. You need to hold on for me, okay? I’m not losing you again.” He whispered against your temple before he left a light kiss on your brow.

“Good news, it’s not as bad as last time.” Lyra said as she examined the wound before getting up to go gather the medical supplies.

“The bar is rather low on that front, Lyra.” You moaned.

“Last time?” Hunter found himself asking as he tore his stare from your bloody injury to Lyra.

Lyra didn’t respond, she was too busy staring at the depleted supply of medical care. She took a deep breath and braced her hands against the countertop. “(Y/N)… what happened to the bacta?”

Seemingly forgetting that you were currently in severe pain and bleeding out, you went to prop yourself up but Hunter’s hand gently pushing against your shoulder stopped you. “Hey.” You protested wearily.

“You can answer the question like that.” Hunter chastised.

“The bacta?” Lyra pressed as she rifled through the other cupboards in case it had somehow been misplaced.

No, not yet. You told yourself as the black dots returned. You blinked them away and took a strained breath before you answered. “I- I may have given it away…”

“You-” Lyra had to take a deep, calming breath and pinched the bridge of her nose. “You gave it away? What in all the galaxy would possess you to do that?”

“Well, I saw someone in need and decided-” You broke off with another pained wince. “Decided to finally be a good citizen.”

Lyra released an exasperated sigh. “Do I need to remind you of your track record? You need bacta like the rest of us need water.”

“In my defence, I wasn’t planning on needing it anymore. This- this time really wasn’t my fault.”

“I quite frankly don’t give a fuck! You can’t just-”

“Can we do this later?” Hunter interrupted as he saw your face contort in discomfort. “Preferably when she’s able to hold a conversation without convulsing in pain?”

“I can run back to our ship and get some.” Wrecker offered as he lifted his helmet.

“Go.” Hunter said with a nod, but Lyra held out a hand to stop the bigger clone from going.

“She doesn’t have that kinda time. I can cauterise it the old-fashioned way, but it’ll just hurt like hell.” Lyra said with a grimace.

“That’s fine because I don’t think I’m going to be conscious for much longer.” The darkness encroaching on your vision was all too tempting and you were completely exhausted.

“No, you stay awake.” Lyra ordered sternly.

Hunter and Wrecker turned their attention sharply to you.

“Come on, (Y/N). You gotta hang in there.” Wrecker urged as he reached over the back of the couch and placed a large hand on your shoulder.

“Sweetheart, keep your eyes on me.” Hunter begged as he saw them flicker open and shut but it was a battle that he knew you were going to lose.

You wanted to; you really did but you just couldn’t. You shut your eyes and embraced the peace of the darkness.

 “Hunter, she’s still breathing right?” Lyra asked as she picked up the last few things she needed.

“Shallowly but yes.” Hunter said with a thankful sigh.

“That’s good enough.” Lyra ran back to the couch and began to start to process of stabilising you.

--

You were in a dim corridor. The only light seemed to at the end of the long passageway. You made to walk towards it, hoping it would show you a way out but as you walked, it seemed to move away from you. You broke into a run but the distance between you and the light only grew. You paused your run as you thought about what this could mean. It was then though that a voice spoke up and a figure appeared next to you.

You won’t get to it.

You faced the figure. It almost sounded and looked like you but there was something off about it. There was a yellow shimmer in the eyes and the face was gaunt and mean-looking, with lips that seemed to be in a permanent sneer. The voice carried a cruel, sinister overtone that made your blood run cold and the hair on the back of your neck stand up.

It’ll keep staying away from you.

But why? You studied whatever it was before you as they circled you. When it walked, it was cast in constant shadow.

You think after all you’ve done; you can have that light back? You think you deserve it?

Before you could form a reply, your attention was drawn to a scene unfolding to your right.

Aww this was your first failure. But it brought me to the surface, so I remain pretty grateful.

Your breath caught in your throat as you recognised the moment. You saw your master completely surrounded by battle droids, taking hit after hit. And you saw yourself as a Jedi Knight sprinting to reach him. You went to turn away, but a strong hand grabbed the back of your neck, forcing you to keep looking.

There’s you. Being too late to save him. Do you remember the last words you said to him?

You did and they were words you had regretted ever since.

‘Stubborn, foolish, out of touch, old timer whose only purpose was to be a pawn for the orders of the Jedi Council’ I believe they were.

Stop it.

He died knowing you failed him.

You squeezed your eyes shut as you heard the final shot that sent your master crumbling to the ground.

You got a taste for it then.

Despite the fact you wanted to refuse, you found yourself opening your eyes to seeing yourself utterly decimate the remaining droids by your master’s dead body. You saw the merciless gleam in your eyes and the callous smile that graced your face as you destroyed them. You had enjoyed that. The scene finished with you repeatedly bringing your lightsaber down on the final droid, the blue blade moving in unrestrained fury. Why did you show me that? You asked bleakly.

But the darkness didn’t give you a proper answer. It only pushed an icy finger on your lips. Pay attention, we’re not done yet. It took you a while to accept that this was always in you. You worked on shutting me out. You managed for a while… but then she left.

You wanted nothing more than to leave this place and this darkness before you, but all control had been taken from your body. Your feet began moving of their own accord and you were directed to another moment on your left this time. You were stopped and the hand took a harsh grip of your neck again. You were forced to watch Ahsoka walk out the Council Chamber doors, with Anakin following her and then you viewed yourself in horror as you saw the rage written across your face and heard the venom in your words as you yelled at the Council. Had you really been that uncontrolled? That angry?

Even though you finally left those uptight pricks, you still insisted on keeping me hidden though. Rather irritating I must say. I wondered what it would take for you to accept me. And then he came into your life.

You were pushed along the hall again to the next part which was replaying your first interaction with Hunter and your chest felt tight. Leave him out of this.

Oh, but he’s the best part. Your figure taunted nastily.

The scene switched and were now being greeted with flashes of your intimate moments with Hunter. Enough.

The only reply came in the form was an unkind laugh.

Giving into that lust felt good, didn’t it? The possessiveness, the selfishness that came with having someone just for you was too enticing to pass up.

No, that wasn’t what it was at all. Stop.

You liked the feeling of knowing you could use that attachment to excuse any darker actions. You would be doing it for him, so it made it okay. It wasn’t love for him you were feeling, it was a love for the freedom to channel me that you craved. He was merely a convenient vessel.

No, you’re wrong! You insisted but your voice lacked conviction, everything was getting so twisted that you were now doubting the feelings you thought you never would.

The darkness just gave you a pitying look. Just keep watching and you’ll see I’m right.

So, you did. You were shoved further up the corridor to see you and the Batch together. Memories that you once would’ve looked back on in fondness were now tainted by pain and disappointment that you’d dragged them into your mess. The darkness took no notice of your distress, it just continued talking.  

Much to my delight, you grew to care for all of that group. I knew that attachment would lead to something marvellous for us and then it finally happened.

You moved along to the next scene and your breathing grew uneven as the image of Eriadu appeared. You couldn’t bear seeing this again but once more, you were left with no choice but to hear Tech say that dreaded plan and watch him fall to his death.

Of course, he was another one you were too slow to save but-

You wouldn’t hear this. No, we didn’t have the time. There was nothing I could’ve done. What happened was-

Oh, I know you tried telling yourself that, but my very existence tells me that you know if you’d allowed me in earlier, the situation itself wouldn’t have happened. You’d have killed Gerrera before he even had a chance to set those explosives off.

No, you’re wrong. You said through a shaken whisper, but you didn’t believe the words you were saying anymore.

Although I must say, I’m glad you didn’t quite give in then since I am rather pleased with how it all turned out. His death was the catalyst to a glorious chain of events. So much loss and broken trust. Finally, you had the reason to welcome me without restraint or regret.

You felt your anger rise as the voice kept talking whilst the scene changed from his death to Cid’s betrayal and Omega being captured and you being separated from Hunter. Nothing about that had been a blessing. It couldn’t have been. Shut up. You snarled. But the figure only smugly beamed.

There it is. There’s that power. You can deny it all you want but that was the best thing that happened to you. You let me in and from that point on, nothing stopped you getting what you wanted. And it felt divine. You know it did. Look at how formidable you are with me being a part of things.

You were dragged along the hall and all that appeared around you were the people in the galaxy you’d threatened, brutalised, and murdered. You had no other option but to watch and hear their tortured pleas and screams. You didn’t need the darkness to talk you through these this time, you recalled very clearly that during all of this, you’d felt not one bit of remorse. You’d thought they deserved it. You’d fallen so far, and a way back now seemed impossible.  

The darkness commented on a particular time where you were torturing a woman who’d been very difficult to track and get information from. Even when you did find her, she’d been loyal to the Empire, insisting you should’ve died with the rest of the Jedi traitors. You’d responded by cracking the individual bones in her fingers and hands before moving up to the bones in her arm. You’d broken her right clavicle before she’d finally told you what you needed to know. I particularly liked this moment. Do you remember how she couldn’t stand afterwards? All she could do was writhe on the floor in agony. Quite a humorous sight.

You remembered them all and it made you feel sick to your stomach now as you watched the endless stream of tormented and pained faces of people you had tortured and killed in your quest for information.

The last scene disappeared and despite the fact you had been walking along the corridor that whole time, the light had still remained far out of reach.

See? No matter how far you go, you’ll never reach that light. Why bother searching for it anymore? You know you’re better off alone. All you need is this power and you’ll be unstoppable. But since I know some part of you still cares for your clones, don’t trouble them with this. It’s not something that can be shared or fixed.  

The figure faded and you collapsed to your knees in defeat. You had succumbed to that darkness and hurt and killed too many people. You’d crossed that line, and you weren’t sure there was a way back for you and you wouldn’t take Hunter down with you. Or Wrecker and Echo. They deserved a chance to rescue Omega and set things right, and if being with Hunter meant that chance would be at risk, you wouldn’t take that from them. Even if it would kill you, it would be the last thing you did to protect your family. ‘No attachments. There is no emotion, there is peace.’ You had to finally listen to that part of the Jedi Code that you had fought against for years and… and you would let them go.

--

Once it seemed things were more under control, Wrecker broke the quiet. “I’m going to go keep watch.” He said before walking out.

There were a few minutes of silence, the only noise being the quiet hiss of Lyra sealing shut your injury now that she’d cleaned it.

“Didn’t know you had this skill set.” Hunter said into the quiet as he watched Lyra.

“I tell myself it’s not so different from stitching and making clothes. Plus, she kinda made it that I had to learn quick. There were just some things she couldn’t handle on her own.”

There was a dip in conversation again.

“I was sorry to hear about your kid... and Tech.” Lyra said quietly as she worked on you. She placed a bandage over your now closed injury and started to put away the medical supplies.

The mention of his brother’s name had him stiffening his posture. “Yeah, well, we’re going to find her.”

Lyra nodded understandingly before she indicated to you. “She’s been non-stop since Ord Mantell. She wouldn’t rest until she found you. Didn’t matter how dangerous things got, she wouldn’t stop.”

Hunter continued to stroke your brow. “She’s not the only one.”

“I almost wished she would. I thought the search was going to kill her. Especially after what happened last time.”

This wasn’t the first time she’d mentioned this now. And from the dynamic between the two of you since arriving here, he figured there was key subtext he was missing. He glanced over to Lyra. “What are you talking about?”

Lyra took a short breath. “It was a few weeks ago. She-” Lyra stopped as she heard you let out a soft groan.

“Hey you.” Hunter said softly as you slowly opened your eyes. “How are you feeling?”

You didn’t answer him. Whatever soreness you were experiencing wouldn’t come close to the misery your next course of action would cause you. “Thank you. Again.” You said to Lyra instead.

Lyra nodded. “I’ll go keep Wrecker company.” She said before grabbing her sniper rifle and making her exit.

Hunter brought his focus back to you and provided a supportive hand on your back as you sat up. “Take as long as you need. I figured once you’re feeling more up to it, you can say your goodbyes and leave with us. After-”

“You have to go.”

“Yes, I know…” Hunter said, tilting his head at you. “But you need a bit of time and-”

“No, you need to leave without me.”

Without you? No, you couldn’t mean that. “What’s-” He stopped for a moment to try and recover from the confusion your statement caused him. “What’s changed between that alleyway and now?”

You knew he wasn’t going to make this easy but every minute you had to do this was tearing you apart. “Everything has. The Empire knows what I am. It’ll add unnecessary heat.”

“We’ll cope.”

You swallowed harshly and grimaced as you readjusted your sitting position. “It’s not just that. Things changed when we got separated. I changed.”

“That doesn’t scare me.”

“It should. All I’ve done…” You trailed off and gulped. “I’m not who I used to be.”

 “I’ve done things I’m not proud of too. But we can-”

 “Hunter, I don’t belong with you anymore.”

Hunter couldn’t accept that. “You’re one of us. You always have been. Since the first moment you stepped in front of those droids on Devaron, you were one of us. I don’t understand why-”

“There’s someone else.” You blurted out and fuck you hated yourself for it. You knew by the way he recoiled from you and from deep hurt and betrayal that flashed across his face, you would’ve been better off hitting him. You knew you had to hurt him. Even if he left hating you, you could find a way to let him go. But you hated that you had to do it.

“There’s someone else.” Hunter repeated quietly, his throat bobbing as he kept his voice tight.

You had to push it. It was the only way, but it felt like your heart was being ripped out of your chest as you said the next words. You forced yourself to keep your voice cold and level. “I’ve moved on. I only needed to know that you were alive. And now I do. You can go now. Just leave and don’t think about me again. It’ll save us all a lot of bother.” You couldn’t face the wounded look in his eyes and you turned your own away from him and had to blink away the tears that threatened to fall.

Hunter clenched his jaw and swallowed thickly. “Look me in the eye and tell me that again.” He implored.

He knew you too well. You wouldn’t do it. If you did, he would know you were lying. So, you opted for something worse- you would manipulate his heart. “If any part of you still cares about me, you will go. That’s all I want now. I need you to leave. You’ll only be hurting me more if you stay.” You said firmly as you faced him again.

You sounded so sure, and even if he thought he could see something in your eyes that took the conviction out of your words, he’d never want to cause you pain, he wouldn’t be able to stand it. Better him be the one to take the hurt, no matter how unnatural it felt, no matter how much every fibre of his being yearned to stay by your side and work this out. So, Hunter got to his feet and walked over to the door. “Every part of me still cares about you.” He murmured back to you before the door opened and he walked out. He was walking out on you- something he thought he’d never do- and it left him feeling like he had a gaping hole in his chest.

--

As you heard the door shut, a broken sob left your lips and you let the tears fall.

--

“Where is she?” Lyra asked as Hunter came out from the door behind them.

“Keep her alive.” Hunter said numbly to Lyra before he walked away.

“Hunter-” Lyra started to say but the clone wasn’t stopping.

“Eh, well, I guess it was nice to see you.” Wrecker said hurriedly before he darted after his brother.

“Bye.” Lyra said with confusion as she watched the two clones go. She turned to go back inside and hopefully knock some sense into you.

--

You’d managed to drag yourself into the sanctity of your room, but the isolation wasn’t helping things. The regret you were feeling was overwhelming but what was done was done. You needed to stand by your choice, it was what was best for them, you just needed to learn how to cope. You needed something, anything, to distract your brain from the self-doubt running rampant in your head so, staying mindful of your wound, you tentatively sat back on your bed and closed your eyes, drowned out the pouring rain smacking against the glass, and found your centre again.

Not to your surprise, you were only surrounded by darkness. You’d let the last light in your life go, there was nothing left for you now.

Spark.

Not that voice. Not again, you couldn’t handle that. “No, I’m not doing this.”

Yes, you are. You need to listen to me, Spark.

You sighed and saw the figure of your old master appear in the vast space before you. “So, either I somehow took a turn and I’m dead or I’m hallucinating.”

Your master simply chuckled. Must it always be extremes with you?

“You taught me what I know, you tell me.”

Well, based off your past choices, I would say you’ve forgotten much of what I taught you.

“This is why you’re in my head? To lecture me about my choices? Yes, I broke the code, big whoop. I never liked it anyway. And now I’ve given into the dark side, sorry to have disappointed you.” You grumbled as you looked down at your feet.

He sighed. It hurt him to see you look so defeated, this wasn’t the young Jedi he’d raised. Evidently, you were going to need more help than he expected. This isn’t some meditative trick. I’ve always been with you, Spark, and now I’m with you because you need help. You’ve strayed from your path, and you need guidance.

“You’re a few months too late, Master.” The title came back into your vocabulary so naturally, you’d nearly missed the fact that you’d reverted back to your student/teacher dynamic so quickly.

That defeat you’re feeling is exactly why I’m here now. This dark side you seem to think is your destiny is not decided, but if you continue to stand by the decision that you just made, it will be. There’s a chance for you, Spark, don’t throw it away.

You couldn’t bring yourself to believe him. “If you’ve truly been around for all of this, you’ll know what I’ve done. You’ve seen what I’ve become. I wasn’t as strong I thought I was.”

You haven’t fallen yet. He reiterated. What you’ve gone through would wreck most people, the fact that you’ve only strayed from the light now is a credit to you. But this choice you’ve made to let them go is what will seal your fate.

“What are you talking about? I was on this path long before what happened on Ord Mantell. I saw it!” You said, your voice rising in frustration and distress. Why was everyone around you so insistent that you could heal from this? You’d shown your true colours years ago, you were only doing what you were obviously meant for.

He raised his hands to calm you. Spark, listen to me. You’re not-

“I had to let him go! I had to let them all go! You should be glad, Master! I’m finally following the teaching you worked so hard on getting through to me!” Your breathing grew more uneven and the word that left your mouth were filled with self-loathing, but you couldn’t stop them. “I’m damaged goods, I have been from the beginning, and I couldn’t bring him down with me! I couldn’t bring any of them down with me!” You felt tears slide down your cheeks as the emotion you had been trying to hard to push down came crashing to the surface.

And is letting attachments go part of the Jedi or Sith philosophy? He asked gently.

His genteel manner caught you off guard. You huffed out a quick breath. “Why does that matter?”

Answer the question, please.

You released an agitated sigh. “Jedi, I guess but-”

And let me ask you this, you said you saw what you’ve done? How?

You regained some composure. “I don’t know how to describe what it was I saw, but whatever it was took me down a lovely stroll through memory lane and I saw what I was. There’s no denying it now.”

It was starting to make sense to him now and with this new understanding, he finally knew the best way to help you. Yes, the dark side can be very manipulative that way. Especially when it knows there’s been pain plenty of pain and sorrow. It preys upon that and I’m just sorry it got to you before I could.

“What are you talking about?”  

What you saw, it wasn’t the whole truth.

Not the whole truth? “What do you mean?”

He looked at you with intrigue. What do you think I mean?

You inhaled deeply to find some patience. “Master, please. I’m not your padawan anymore.”

He bowed his head in acknowledgement. You’ll always be my padawan, Spark. But I understand this may not be the best time for one of my lessons.

Despite everything, the nostalgia his teaching persona brought you had you humming out a quiet laugh. “I guess working together on whatever cryptic lesson you’re going to impart on me will be fine, for old times sake if nothing else. Just don’t leave it all to me. I’m not clear-headed enough to do all the thinking.”

He nodded and smiled knowingly at you. It will be less cryptic that the lessons I used to give you. Let us begin.

You knew that gleam in his eye and you forgot that no matter how agitated or frustrated you’d been growing up as his pupil, he’d always found a way to put you at ease and you’d been more open to learning again. Even dead, he still seemed to possess that ability. And it was because of that, you found yourself getting ready to welcome whatever wisdom he felt could get you out of this hell you’d put yourself in.

Now, I understand that you are feeling a lot of guilt and self-loathing, correct?

Feeling it? You felt like you were drowning in it.

And you have convinced yourself that your clones, particularly… Hunter, isn’t it? He waited for your nod before continuing, are better off without you because you’ve done too much. Stepped over that line one too many times? A lost cause, yes?

“I guess you could say that.” You mumbled.

He hummed in thought before he spoke again. You mentioned something about you were this way from the beginning. Can you tell me to which beginning you are referring to?

You inhaled shakily. “I- I saw you die again. I watched myself destroy the rest of those droids in undisciplined rage and- and I was reminded of what I’d said to you.”

Ah yes, that was quite the day. Rather humiliating on my part, I must say. I should’ve just listened to you from the start. My we exchanged some choice words. He ruminated with a small chuckle.

You remembered him having a rather dry sense of humour, but this just seemed absurd. You’re laughing about this?! I was awful to you! I saw you die and all I could do was wreak havoc on a group of droids and I enjoyed it! I held your dead body in my arms and the last thing I had done was insult you and forget everything you’d taught me for some fucking battle droids!”

He held up his hands to appease you. You’re right, I shouldn’t have laughed but that wasn’t quite how it went.

You furrowed your brow. “What? I saw it! I remember it pretty clearly, even without the reminder. I’m haunted by it and you’re telling me that wasn’t what happened?!”

He shook his head. Not quite. Remember, the dark side has a remarkable ability to alter events to fit its needs. It only picks out the moments necessary to draw out those darker emotions. What you saw was true, from a certain point of view, but it didn’t show you everything.

“Then what am I missing?” You asked, desperation in your voice because if there was anything that could help ease the ache from that day, you needed it.

I wasn’t dead when I hit the ground. Fret not, no amount of medical attention would’ve saved me. He interjected hastily as he saw the panic that graced your face. Although the sadder truth is I did in fact die in your arms but… He angled his head to catch your eye again as you had shied away from him upon hearing that. He started again, but your last words to me were not fuelled by irritation or cruelty, you apologised for what you said as well as how you handled those droids. You told me that I was the best teacher you’d ever had, and you promised you would continue to work on what I taught you and to make me proud. That was the last thing you said to me before I passed on. And I can honestly say, Spark, that you kept your promise, despite how it might seem currently.

You went to speak but found that you didn’t have the words. All these years spent being tormented by a memory that in fact had another side to it, could that be right? Seeing it again had made it seem all the more true but there was nothing but sincerity in his face and voice as he told you this. He wasn’t looking to feed you a false narrative, there was no vindictiveness in his tone.

You don’t have to believe me immediately, I know things have been tough but we’re going to go through this and I’m going to help you see the truth, okay? He said tenderly.

You could only nod.

Okay. He straightened up. I’m going to make an educated guess and say that if that incident was the starting point, the next situation would’ve been that unfortunate time with Ahsoka and the Jedi Council and also the day you decided to leave?

You gulped and found your voice again. “Um, yeah.”

And I expect you were shown yourself in an untamed rage with little concern over the words you used?

You gave a stiff nod of your head.

Uh huh, well, once again, you were shown a manipulated memory created from shame. You were unhappy, and I can’t say I blame you, they really fucked that up if you pardon the phrase.

You couldn’t help but snort at his gentlemanly manner and you were reminded of the many telling offs for language you’d received growing up.

And while you were disappointed in them and frustrated, you never lost control of yourself. Your voice was raised but level. You were clear in your points, and you never said anything untoward save for some unsavoury language sprinkled in. He watched you impart the familiar eye roll as he said that last statement, but he took that as a positive sign. Your attachment to Ahsoka didn’t cloud your judgment, your decision to leave was made with a steady heart and a focused head. And I watched you do it and I knew it was the best decision for you. It did set things in motion, but they were good things for you, Spark, and it’s important that you realise that again. He looked at you earnestly.

You held his gaze, and, in his eyes, you saw the master that had been with you through thick and thin. The master that had put up with your questions and doubts about the Jedi Order that the Jedi Council could hardly tolerate. You saw the master that had mentored you and fought by your side for years. He was one of the people that had known you best. He wouldn’t lie to you, and you felt your heart opening up to what he was saying to you.

Shall we continue? He asked after giving you a minute to process.

You shook your shoulders and exhaled heavily before you looked at him and give him a single, firm nod.

--

He had taken you through various events bit by bit. Pointing out that elements that demonstrated you were still being pulled towards the light. Things like you would’ve either left or killed Lyra the second she’d gotten you out of Ord Mantell and her use was over. Things like you wouldn’t have offered so many opportunities for people to talk to you before you injured or killed them, you would have hurt them first and asked questions later- killing and pain had never been your first port of call. And any firefight that ensued, when possible, you made sure you remained the primary target and civilians would be out of harms way.

Concern for others and worry about the consequences of your actions… Sith and dark side users tend not to feel or allow for these things. He surmised.

Even if what he was revealing to you was the whole picture, there was still the pressing matter of how you’d been in the recent months. “But Eriadu and everything that followed after… I let something in, what was it if not the dark side?”

He gave you a sympathetic smile. You had never experienced loss and betrayal in such quick succession before. What you let in was the anger and anguish you were feeling which you weren’t trained to handle properly. The more you went on, the more those emotions twisted your brain which allowed the darkness to creep in and make it more effortless to act on said emotions. It was easier for you to get what you needed with your emotions being what they were, and you didn’t have to think about who was getting hurt. You got a rather bad case of tunnel vision- you were doing bad things for good reasons, but they were not senseless acts of violence.

“But I have done so many bad things.” You said with self-directed disgust.

Yes, but what you can do now is work towards finding that line again. To finding that control you had in the past. You’ve been on that path since this morning, the self-awareness of what you’ve been doing wasn’t present in the months before today. However, you cannot get back to that place alone anymore, you’ve changed since you left the Order and most of it was for the better, but more attachment means more support. You will not be able to find that balance if you let your family go. He said with a sense of urgency. He needed you to grasp what he was telling you, no matter how unnatural it might feel.

Your pulse quickened. Surely, he wasn’t suggesting what you thought he was? “What are you saying, Master?”

Do you know where your nickname originated?

Confused as you why this was suddenly relevant, you angled your head at him. “I always figured it was because word spread that I made my lightsaber slightly wrong the first time and nearly set it on fire when I first ignited it.”

He chortled. That acted more as a visual aid and a helpful addition to the true origin.

“Then where did it come from?”

He took a deep breath. In the weeks leading up to the time for us to choose a youngling to take under our wing, you caught my eye from the start. It wasn’t just your natural ability with a lightsaber or your quick grasp of the Force, it was how you interacted with the people around you. During the trials, you had a heightened care for how the others were performing and you aided them whenever you could without a second thought. It made you more focused, more effective. You were unique from your peers in that sense and in a way that I’d never seen before, and I knew I had to get to know you more to understand what it was I was picking up on.

“Yeah, I remember. I’d never expected someone to choose me so eagerly, especially since my disciplinary record was far from perfect, even at that age.” Youreminisced with a sigh.

Yes, my fellow Jedi were surprised at my decision, but there was just something within you I had to see for myself. As we got to understand each other and I could officially begin your training, I watched you continue to demonstrate this quality and I could feel it residing in the Force within you. You had this spark, this fire that drove you which would worry even the most disciplined Jedi Masters but with you, it was as much a part of you as the Force was with the rest of us. You were completely at peace with it, and it was something you probably didn’t realise was so rare. You could feel attachment without rejecting the light side of the Force to do so.

So, the name made a bit more sense after all these years, but you still couldn’t see why this was being brought up. “Okay…”

He could tell you were still hesitant to all this. Do you know which General had the most victories with the fewest casualty numbers? Quite a feat to have during war time I might add.

You huffed a heavy breath from your lips. “I have no idea. The war was such a mess and there were so many of us that it was hard to keep up with the results of each battle.”

Fair point. He conceded, but that doesn’t change the answer which is that it was you.

You were taken aback for a moment before you thought back to that period and part of it did make sense. Many of your strategies had seen you take on the most dangerous elements for the sake of the clones in your battalion despite protests from them, your master and pretty much everyone that was involved, but all that mattered to you was that they worked, and you did what you could to protect everyone else.

He knew you enough to recognise that face and he figured whatever it was you were thinking about would relate to his next question. And which General had the most visits to the medical wing? Another impressive award. He added with a hint of disapproval, his mask of control slipping slightly as he frowned at the memories of the countless notifications he’d receive of your admittance to the healing wards of the Jedi Temple.

You cringed as you remembered the fact you had been on a first name basis with all the medical personnel. “I did.”

He nodded. Attachments didn’t bring you down, they lifted you up. Their most negative consequence in that period seemed to be the recklessness they gave you- and my hair greying faster than I would’ve liked. He couldn’t help but say before he continued, but they didn’t unbalance you like they did most of us. And it is on that point my dear Spark, that I failed you.

“Failed me?” In what galaxy could he have possibly failed you when you were the one that had forgone all you stood for and was one slip away from total self-destruction.

When it became clear to me that this was indeed one of your best qualities and strengths, I was thrilled! It presented a challenge for me as you Master that I was looking forward to exploring! Your emotional attachment to people and causes was one I wanted to teach you to manage, not forbid. Your love and care didn’t make you more susceptible to the dark side and its dangers, it drew you closer to the light. That fire that burns within you isn’t a threat, it’s your way to become something greater. But the Council… He trailed off with a regretful sigh. They rejected my proposal that I mentor you in this way. So instead, as you got older, I worked on forcing you to dampen that flame within you but- He stopped for a moment and chuckled wryly. As you may remember, that was when the root of our conflicts started. Foolishly and rather selfishly-and this is an example of how even those of us that followed the Jedi Code to the letter slip from time to time- you passing your trials into Knighthood gave me profound relief. Not only did it mean I could see you become the Jedi you were always meant to be, but it meant my duty as your teacher was over and I could stop doing something I was against. But I shied away too much and stopped teaching you altogether, had I just been less of a ‘pawn of the Council’ as you quite rightly put it, what you’re experiencing now could have been avoided.

You took a moment to let his words sink in, but you wouldn’t let him blame himself for how you’d behaved in recent times. “I still made the choices to hurt those people, Master. You’re not responsible for my actions.”

Perhaps not, but I could’ve done more to make sure you were better equipped to deal with the loss attachment could bring rather than just tell you to stop feeling it altogether. Not that you listened to that anyway. He added with a slight grin.

You allowed yourself half a smile at that before his face turned sombre again.

But I should’ve stood up for you and for that I’m sorry.

You bowed your head in acceptance of his apology. “But what does all of what we’ve talked about have to do with where I am now?”

Everything I’ve shown you, everything you’ve felt in these recent months illustrates someone who had to cope with a tremendous amount of grief when they had been told their whole life to not feel or get attached. Even with your strength and abilities, Spark, that was a big ask, your actions, and the internal conflict you’re going through is an understandable outcome. But even in dealing with that struggle, you were never purely evil or sought to abandon your Jedi teachings. The only time I grew truly worried before now was whatever you did a few weeks ago. Even I couldn’t see you; it was like the very light around you was getting snuffed out. Care to tell me what you did?

You shook your head adamantly.  

Very well. As I was saying, all you’ve learned, all you’ve done and means you can heal from this. You are not a lost cause, not a source of darkness and despair. You are good at heart, Spark!

But Master, I-

No, don’t talk yourself out of this. Really think about what I’m telling you. You never abandoned Lyra, you did your best to ensure no civilian would be caught up in your fights, you offered chances to those people before you hurt them. And you were able to sense Hunter and Wrecker arrive. That source of light wouldn’t have shown itself if you were too far down that dark path.

Maybe so but-

He wouldn’t let you second guess yourself anymore. And when you realised that they were indeed on this planet… what did you do first?

You pondered for a moment before you remembered. I helped those sisters.

And when you found one another, you felt alive and hopeful again but because you’d been lost and confused for so long, it got manipulated into that guilt and regret and hurt you are experiencing right now that has left you exposed to this darkness. But before that, you were ready to free yourself of it, whether you truly realised it or not.

“Right…” You said distantly as you were slowly starting to understand what revelation he was guiding you towards.

I can see you working it out, you’re almost there. He encouraged.

Each lesson and aspect of this entire conversation began to click into place. “So, you’re saying that Hunter’s my light? He’s my way out of this?” You uttered quietly.

Isn’t he? He challenged with a supportive smile. And I believe he too made that fact very clear before you sent him away.

“I thought that was what I was supposed to do.” You said in dismay as your mind finally began to listen to what your Master had been telling you and you gained some proper clarity. What had you done?

He looked at you fondly. You were always a bad student when it came to applying and learning the history of our Code, it would fit that the first time you apply the philosophy to your life would be the poorer choice. They never unbalanced you, Spark. At the very least, they’re your way of staying true to the light side and your dark side knew that, hence it’s enthusiastic efforts to turn you.

You hid you head in your hands in embarrassment. You wouldn’t know a right decision if it smacked you in the face.  

Oh, and with regards to Cid and Hemlock, I leave that side of things entirely up to you, with your family by your side, I know punishing them however you like won’t ruin you.

“Thanks, Master.” You replied, a smile in your voice.

Not every Jedi gets the chance at a family, Spark, don’t throw it away now.

You glanced up in time to see him fade away but what was around you wasn’t pure darkness anymore; rays of light had broken into the gloomy space, with more fighting to get through.

--

You opened your eyes sharply and wiped away the damp residue of the tears that had escaped your eyes from your cheeks. He was right, they were the light in your life, and you’d been so stupid to let them go.

Ignoring the lingering pain of your injury, you hastily got to your feet, grabbed a couple bags of credits, and left your room only to be greeted by the disappointed and unhappy face of Lyra. “Hey, I was just-”

“You need to go after them. I’m sorry but I’m drawing the line here. I have not watched you put yourself through hell and risk your life month after month to find your family again only for you to throw it away for some stupid, fucked up, self-sabotaging reason! If you let them go, it will destroy you and as someone else who cares about you, I cannot allow you to do that! They’re your family, you need them, and they need you. And your kid needs you, you can’t just stop! And Hunter… that man is so in love with you it’s sickening, and you are as equally disgustingly in love with him! Whatever is holding you back, the two of you can get through together!”

“Lyra-” But she held up a finger to stop you.

“And you don’t need to worry about me, I will be fine. I’ll get a job and might even find a place that’s not a condemned building to live. You have to go!” She finished with a nervous exhale as she awaited your reaction.

“You’re right.” You agreed.

“Yeah, I am and- wait… what?” Lyra stared at you, shocked.

“I’m going after them.”

“You are?” She double checked.

“Yup.”

“Oh, thank fuck!” Lyra exclaimed before she darted forward and wrapped you up in her arms.

“How long were you coming up with that speech?” You kidded as the two of you hugged.

“For however long you were holed up in your room.” Lyra said with a laugh. “And in case you didn’t listen to that, I had my rifle set to stun and was fully prepared to drag you.”

“Glad we could avoid that.” You replied drily. “Also, ‘sickeningly in love?’” You quoted.

“I meant that as a compliment. Most people can only dream of that.”

You managed a short laugh. “I was an ass to you.” You mumbled shamefully.

“You were, but you were going through a lot.” Lyra said kindly as she removed herself from your hold.

“I was broken and hurting but that wasn’t an excuse to treat you how I did and I’m so sorry. I’m truly grateful for you and your friendship and well, just everything you’ve done for me. I won’t ever forget it. There are some spare bags of credits from those jobs I pulled whilst we were on the move in my bedside drawer, take them. And if there’s anything, and I mean anything you need, I will be there. You only have to get in touch.” You passed her the details of the Marauder’s comm channel.

“Go get ‘em.” Lyra said with a grin.

You gave her one last quick hug before you ran out the door, concern for your injury was pushed far to the back of your mind. You only prayed to the Force that you hadn’t left it too late.

--

“But I still don’t understand why we’re going without her. What you’ve said makes no sense.” Wrecker questioned as he followed Hunter up and down the Marauder as he got stuff ready for take-off.

“Not my problem, Wrecker. I don’t really want to relive it all again so that it makes sense to you.” Hunter said gruffly as he avoided making eye-contact with his brother and instead focused on keeping himself busy.

“She met someone else and you’re basically doing the whole ‘if you love someone you let them go?’”

“I guess that about sums it up.”

“That’s bullshit.”

“Wrecker-”

“I’m sorry, Sarge, but it’s true.”

“You weren’t there. You didn’t hear her.”

“She can’t have meant it! She still has your insignia, if there was someone else, why would she keep that?!”

“Wrecker, drop it.” Hunter said sharply. His brother’s insistence that you were making all this up was only rubbing salt in the wound.

“We’re really just going to leave and forget about her?”

“Yup.”

Wrecker just couldn’t accept that. “If you love someone, you fight for them! Otherwise, what’s the point in what we’re doing right now, why should we bother going after Omega?”

Hunter paused his pacing by the doorway and released an exasperated sigh. “What do you expect me to do?”

Wrecker went to speak but changed his mind as to what he was going to say as he saw the figure in the background. “Actually, I don’t think you’ll have to do anything.” Wrecker said, looking past Hunter’s shoulder.

Hunter turned to follow his gaze and that was when he saw you. Standing in the torrential rain a few feet away from the steps to the Marauder, was you and you were obviously trying to catch your breath.

--

You started to speak before you caught your breath, so your words were leaving you in a desperate and winded manner. “I was always a bad student.” You raised your voice over the sound of the pouring way. You wiped some drops away from your face, a futile gesture given the intensity of the downpour, but the motion assisted in grounding you for this moment.

Hunter studied you from afar for a second, unsure as to why you’d started this way.

Sensing his uncertainty, you cleared your throat and started again but your words still spilled from your lips in a nervous ramble. “So, it turns out I was always a Jedi who developed attachments and love for people, but apparently that’s a pretty strong and unique quality and applying the Jedi philosophy of ‘letting attachment go’ is a mistake and- and it felt like one. I have such a poor grasp of that concept that even when I went to use it properly, I got it all wrong. I was always a terrible student but for once, for once in my life, I have never been more grateful for it.” Your voice quivered as you said these next words. “I love you! I love you so much it hurts but it’s the kind of hurt that I can’t imagine not having in my life. You, this team, are what keep me balanced and alive, and I was stupid to think letting you go was the solution to everything I have done!”

Hunter could feel his heart thundering in his chest as he listened to what you were saying.

“Finally seeing you again made me feel hope and brought a newfound sense of purpose in my life I didn’t think I’d have again but it got all twisted, I let it get all messed up! I saw you and Wrecker, and I felt that love again and it terrified me at first! I had been acting out and miserable for so long that I didn’t think I deserved to feel this way again or that I should burden you all with my past. I needed to be punished and this was the best way I could think of. I allowed whatever darkness that had been driving me for that period we were apart to convince me that you were better of alone and I had to say whatever I could to get that to happen and for that, I am sorry!” You were in full flow now, all the emotions you’d been supressing came crashing to the surface and for once, it actually felt good. You weren’t existing as a husk of armour anymore.

Hunter couldn’t stand the gap between you anymore and he got his feet in motion. He needed to be near you, he needed to hold you again. You didn’t seem to notice his movement though because you carried on talking.

“There was never anyone else, there could never be anyone else! You’re it for me and this-” You stopped and gestured to the half white skull insignia on your top layer. “When I had this and said that you were a part of me, I truly meant it! Even when we weren’t together, that feeling never faltered. Half my heart beats for myself and this family I was fortunate enough to find. The other half beats for you! You are so deeply engrained in my very being that when I didn’t have you, I could hardly call it living! And then I got you back, and I was flooded with all the emotions I’d been missing since that day we were separated, and they collided with everything I’d done wrong, and I just panicked! I entered self-sabotage mode and thought letting you out of my life was what I had to do! I ruined one of the few remaining good things in my life and was preparing myself to let it be so. Thankfully, it was pointed out to me just how incorrect I was and I’m sorry!”

Hunter kept slowly walking down the steps towards you, the heavy rain instantly cascading down his face and body, but he didn’t care. His sole focus was on you now and the words you were saying. The words that were now healing the open wound he’d had since leaving you in that run down apartment.

“I need to come back. I need to be with you and I’m sorry I got everything so wrong! I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you, but you have to let me come back!”

“Yes.” He said as he continued to shorten the distance between you both.

“This family is the light of my life. You are the light of my life. So, either, let me come with you or just shoot me because without you, without this squad, I am just a shell of a human being and I’m done feeling like that now! You have to let me come back!”

“Yes.” Hunter said again as he stopped in front of you.

“And I-” You cut yourself off as you finally registered what he was saying and that the space between you both was now only a matter of inches. “Really?”

Hunter nodded and his hand fell to your waist whilst the other cradled the side of your face.

“I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry.” You whispered softly as your hand rested on his now unarmoured chest and you got utterly absorbed in the feeling of his heart pounding beneath your fingertips- each beat emphasising that this was real, you were actually with him now- and you had no doubt that he could pick up on the way your own pulse was racing.

“It’s okay.” He breathed. “I love you too.”

“I love you.” You croaked out again as you felt the emotions rise in the back of your throat.

“You never stopped being a part of me either.” He murmured, his breathing heavy as his self-restraint was hanging by a thread, but he needed you to be sure. “Can I-” Hunter started to ask as he angled his head and slowly brought his lips closer to yours.

“Yes.” You cut him off. If he didn’t kiss you now, you felt as though you might stop breathing.

Hunter swiftly bridged the remaining distance and the dread he’d been experiencing at the idea of never finding you, at the idea of leaving you behind instantly evaporated in this moment as he finally placed his lips on yours.

You sighed into the sensation of experiencing this again and what began as hesitant and careful, soon became a kiss between two people fuelled by passion who had been apart for far too long and who would never be apart again. You wrapped your arms around him and pressed yourself against him.

Hunter first made sure he held you securely in his arms but as the kiss progressed and both of you became more immersed in feeling each other once more, his hands started caressing everything he could find. The actions elicited a small but desperate noise from you which he already felt drunk off of and he needed to hear more of you. The rain that had once felt like a harsh cascade of cold, damp water now felt gentle and tepid. He got utterly absorbed in your warmth and he tasted the water on your lips, but the interference didn’t bother him, he just relished the feeling of having you back in his embrace again.

You faintly registered the sun breaking through and the rain lightened in its deluge as you kissed him. If it wasn’t such a perfect moment, you might’ve laughed at the cliched nature of it all, but you were too caught up in this feeling that you ignored it. You threaded your fingers in his hair and lightly tugged, soliciting that raspy and familiar groan from him and your stomach fluttered at the feeling.

Unfortunately, you couldn’t ignore your current injury any longer and you felt it strain as Hunter held you tighter to him in response to your actions.

Hunter forced himself to pull away upon feeling your wince, his chest heaving as he worked on getting oxygen back into his lungs, but you interrupted his incoming question by continuing to plant light, affectionate kisses on the rest of his face and he couldn’t help the low but happy laugh that he let out. He lightly grabbed your shoulders and took a slight step back to take you in. The way the sun fell across your face had his breath catching in his throat. Your eyes were bright and looking at him with an adoration that he knew was reflected in his own gaze and the blissful smile on your lips beautifully captured the feelings of this moment. He rested a hand on the side of your face.

You looked into his own shining dark brown eyes and leaned into his touch with a soft and content sigh.

Hunter continued to slowly caress your cheek. “Not to disrupt your healing journey, but I have to ask… where do you stand on Cid and Hemlock?”

“Oh, don’t worry, they’re getting fucked up. I have permission on that front.” You said with a decisive nod. “I just have to watch the line with those that aren’t exactly personally involved.”

Not going to question where this permission came from exactly, he was just grateful whatever had happened, had brought you back to him so he just focused on the last part. “I can help with that. And you can look out for me too. We don’t have to do this alone anymore.”

You gave him an agreeing and grateful smile before you planted another tender kiss to his lips and grabbed his hand as the two of you walked back to the ship.

“This you officially back with us now?” Wrecker asked with a grin as you stepped aboard.

“You won’t be able to get rid of me.” You replied with a small smile as you gazed around you. There were times where you had felt uncertain as to whether you would stand amongst these comforting and familiar walls again, and your senses were flooded with the memories you had created and shared here. You swallowed harshly as you saw Omega’s and Tech’s spaces, but you regained your composure as you walked along the hallway. Your hand traced along the bunk you shared with Hunter and a soft sigh left your lips as you were instantly reminded of the slightly more personal moments you had experienced there.

It felt good to be home.

“Ready?” Hunter asked as you finished in the cockpit. He came beside you and wrapped an arm around your waist and pulled you tight to him as Wrecker put the ship in hyperspace.

You nodded. “Let’s go get our girl.”

Next Oneshot>

Tagging: @noeasyisnoisy, @fuckoffthanos, @tpwkcalli, @graciexmarvel, @arctrooper69, @nightmonkeysstuff, @brujaporfavor, @starwarsnerd111, @flyingkangaroo, @sunkissedclones, @ladytano420, @keep-calm-and-drink-caf, @yyourmotherr, @xxeiraxx, @dragonrider9905, @skellymom, @lokigirlszendaya

#the bad batch #the bad batch season 2 #the bad batch s2 #hunter x reader #hunter x female!jedireader #hunter x fem!reader #hunter x female!reader #sergeant hunter x reader #sergeant hunter #hunter tbb #hunter the bad batch #the bad batch hunter x you #hunter x y/n #tbb hunter x reader #the bad batch fanfiction #star wars #angst #fluff #friends to lovers

[pinknightsinmymind]

【 found family hc's 】

abby anderson x fem!reader & ellie williams x fem!reader

wc: 4.4k

song rec: house song by searows. i listened to this on loop the entire time i was writing.

content: established relationship, modern!au, fluff galore, hc's for both abs and els, christmas with abs!!!!, bbq with ellie and family, minor angst, but this is all fluff so sweet it rots your teeth, hc's AND long blurbs for abby and ellie, mentions of parent loss(in this modern!au abby's mother passed away), mentions of adoption(for ellie's hc's), and sarah is here!! she is ellie's older sister <33 also pls read a/n for more info

a/n: in which you are dating one of the girlies, meet their fathers, and detailing your journey into becoming part of the family. i kinda wrote this with the idea of what it’s like to not come from a healthy family in mind, but it’s also vague and written in a way where you’re able to interpret it and shape it to fit whatever you have in mind and relate it to what you know. the main theme here, though, is finding/making your own family and building a beautiful life despite your past. this is kinda just me hoping i’ll be able to do the same one day. i began writing this while really sad, but i’m posting this in much better spirits. this started with my sadness, but now it makes me feel hopeful. anyways, pls enjoy, and if you think you’ll need them, get your tissues ready. i love you all and you are all so beautiful and worthy of love and good things. and if any of you ever need anything, my inbox and dm's are open <333

GENERAL HEADCANONS — applies to both abby and ellie

It’s an uncomfortable conversation, but when your relationship with her started getting serious, you explained what your family/home life was like and that although you’d love to, your family probably wouldn’t want to foster a close relationship with either of you. You told her you understood if this was a dealbreaker and if it was something she couldn’t tolerate, but that wasn’t her reaction at all. Instead, you were met with complete understanding that almost left you sobbing. You were happy to have someone finally understand that family—and navigating it—hasn’t been easy for you and it was good to not have things out of your control held against you for once.

As your relationship progressed, she made it clear to you that she’d love to introduce you to her family and that they were excited to meet you. She promised that they’d accept you into open arms and that everything would go well, so there was nothing to worry about.

You were nervous, of course, unsure how any of it would unfold because you had never met her family before. You had heard so much about them and knew they must have been amazing people to have raised someone as great as your girlfriend, but you were still scared. What if they could see everything wrong with you with just one look? What if they thought you were too damaged and no good for their daughter? Or what if they just didn’t like you? It was all so worrisome, but your girlfriend assured you it would all be okay.

Meeting the rest of the family was one thing, but meeting their fathers was the scariest part.

ABBY ANDERSON

You met Abby's dad during Thanksgiving—typical and sappy, but just so Abby. Of course she’d bring someone home during the holidays. You had been dating her for almost a year now, so it was about time you met him. You knew that Abby's mother passed when she was very young, and you also knew it would just be the three of you together for the holiday. Jerry did everything to make any occasion happy for his daughter since he knew her life would be hard enough without a mother, and that included holidays. As a busy surgeon—the top one of your city’s hospital, no less—he’s lucky to get this day off, and although he can’t make a whole turkey on his own, he cooks many other dishes to make up for it. He goes all out making desserts as he likes baking more than cooking, and he’s the main reason Abby has such a sweet tooth.

Jerry is nothing but welcoming to you, telling you how he’s heard so much about you (which in turn makes Abby blush, thinking to herself, He wasn’t supposed to say that! but she still keeps her cool). He asks you all about yourself, if you’re in school and what for, what your plans for the future are, then jumps straight into his dad-threats. He tells you in a serious voice that you better take care of his daughter, then lets out a laugh and offers you a slice of pie.

It went well, and you even stayed the night at Abby's childhood home, sleeping in her big and well-furnished room.

“What do you think?” she asked.

“I think it went well,” you said. The two of you were huddled up underneath the covers in her old bed, and it’s comfier than you expected. Maybe it’s because Abby has you pulled close to her chest as her hand rubs comforting circles on your back, but it’s still heavenly. “I just can’t tell if he likes me or not.”

“Please, he likes you,” she assured you. You could feel her trailing her hand down your sides gently now. “Otherwise he wouldn’t have been in such a good mood today. Promise.” You let out a small sigh at her words. You didn’t want to argue with her about this, and you felt the only thing you could possibly do was hope she was right.

You did see Jerry a few times after that, but it was only when Abby invited you to go see him with her. He was always kind and welcoming, but you couldn’t shake the gnawing feeling in your chest that maybe he didn’t actually like you. What if he was faking all of it? You couldn’t think of any good reasons why he’d like you and accept you with open arms. It didn’t make sense to you because all you knew to expect from a parental figure was rejection. Maybe he just didn’t think you were good enough for his daughter. You didn’t tell Abby any of this, though, because you knew she’d be crushed to hear you don’t think her dad likes you. It’s also because she’ll just tell you for the millionth time he does, and you’d hate asking her for the same reassurance over and over again. In the case of her father’s acceptance, it would do nothing to quell your fears.

You hadn’t expected the holiday season to help erase these fears, but they did. After a late night of watching movies, Abby brought up visiting her father for Christmas with you by her side. She was excited as she told you all about her and her dad’s traditions: drinking hot coco, watching cheesy Christmas movies, stockings full of gifts, and the works. You couldn’t tell her no. Not when her face was beaming with excitement and she had a big smile across her face. You appreciated how much she wanted to include you—no, scratch that, cherished it—but deep down inside you felt out of place. You felt like an environment as soft and as warm as that was not a place where you belonged. It’s not what you knew, not what you were used to, but you put on a brave face for Abby.

You didn’t believe her when she told you how extensively Jerry decorated the house, but it was exactly as she said. As soon as you walked through the front door, you could smell the vanilla candles and the scent of pine mixed together. You were greeted not only by Jerry, but by the presence of mini-Santa statues and multi-colored nutcrackers. There was a big wreath on the outside of the front door, and an even bigger one hung around the family portrait of Abby and her father. The Christmas tree was huge, probably close to six feet tall, and by the smell of the fresh pine emanating from it, you knew it was real. The tree was decorated with gold and silver ornaments, bright lights, tinsel, and a giant star at the top. The fireplace had stockings lined up against the chimney with other statues, trinkets, and family photos lining the shelf. The tree casted a warm glow over the living room, and it just felt so cozy inside. It’s crazy to think that this is what Abby grew up with, that this is the kind of childhood she had, but at the same time you’re happy it was. It’s what she deserves.

It may be Christmas day, but it’s already 9 P.M., so Jerry suggests hot coco, sweets, and a cheesy movie. Abby, of course, agrees and picks out her favorite movie for you all to watch. You helped her pick it out, specifically choosing it because you’ve never seen it before and because you know she loves it. You all get a slice of Jerry’s homemade apple pie, and it’s so warm and gooey you’re sure you’ve never tasted anything like it before. You wonder where in the mix of being a surgeon he found the time to be so good at baking, but it’s still so endearing. You wonder how many times he practiced these recipes for Abby, and it’s so heartwarming. You hope you can one day offer her a home the same way Jerry has.

Jerry settles into his worn-out, leather recliner with his cup of hot chocolate while you and Abby occupy the couch. There’s a glass coffee table in front of it where your two mugs rest as the two of you are snug in a blanket you’re sharing together. You’re nestled into Abby’s side with her arm over your shoulder as you watch the movie together. It’s comfortable, and the warm, yellow lights make the moment that much more beautiful. They cast a glow on Abby, making her look sweeter than she already does. Her hair is down for once, and you’re lost in the tenderness of the moment. Occasionally the two of you move forward and grab your mugs for a sip, but besides that this wholeness has no interruptions. It’s like you can feel your doubts melting away, and you feel comforted, welcomed, by the warmth of this moment. It doesn’t seem to push you away anymore, but rather it’s something you feel compelled to be a part of now. Well, no, that’s not exactly right either. It’s like you are a part of it now, and it’s accepting your embrace rather than your rejection. You don’t feel the need to push it away anymore, to create excuse after excuse as to why you don’t deserve it, and it’s like you’re finally letting it make its home in your heart.

After the movie finished and you all had your fill of hot chocolate, you hear Jerry get up from his seat and mention that he wants to give out stockings. You don’t think much of it, watching the man as he walks up to the fireplace and grabs two of the stockings that were hanging. You hadn’t paid much attention to them earlier, but when he comes up to you and Abby, you realize you should’ve. One has Abby’s name stitched into it with blue and orange thread, and the other has your name threaded into it with your favorite colors. He gives Abby her stocking first, then holds the one with your name on it out towards you. 

“Is that for me?” you asked.

“Sure is,” Abby answered. You glance over at her and she’s practically beaming. She seems so proud of herself.

“Abby helped me make it. She made sure it had your favorite colors and everything,” Jerry explained. You finally take the stocking from his hands, feeling the heft of the weight of whatever was inside.

“I bet she got mad if you suggested a color that wasn’t.” You crack a joke in the face of this moment, because if you think too hard, look at the stocking too long, you might start crying.

“Nearly tore my head off,” Jerry laughed. “But it’s so you know you’re part of the family now.” You nod your head, clenching your jaw as your gaze keeps shifting between the stocking and the floor.

“Thank you,” was all you could manage to say in reply. You’re sure you could burst into tears at any moment, but at the very least they’re happy ones.

ELLIE WILLIAMS

You were never as scared of anything as you were to meet Joel Miller. You had seen him in photos with him and Ellie, and he did not look like he played around. In fact, he looked like he’s never fucked around a day in his life. The man intimidated you, and you had never even met him before.

Ellie’s Uncle Tommy’s birthday was coming up, and you were invited to the family celebration that would include Uncle Tommy, Aunt Maria, Joel, Ellie’s older sister, Sarah, and now you.

You had met Joel in passing with a quick “hello” whenever you visited his and Ellie's house, but you had never formally met him, especially not the rest of the family, either. You had also never met Sarah as she lived in a different city and was older than you and Ellie, but you were excited to. She was a young teen when Ellie had been adopted, and you had heard so many stories from Ellie about what an amazing older sister she was, so that was at least one family member you weren’t scared of. Uncle Tommy and Aunt Maria, though? Maria was intimidating, and Tommy and Joel had both been in the military. Who wouldn’t be afraid?

“Everything’s gonna be okay,” Ellie reassured you. You were both standing in front of Tommy and Maria’s front door, nervous as could be. Ellie held your hand in hers as she rubbed her thumb across your skin. “They’ll love you, promise.” Ellie reached up with her free hand and knocked on the door. A second passed in silence between the two of you before the door opened, and you were met face-to-face with Maria. She had short graying hair and a freckled face that reminded you of Ellie’s, and as soon as her eyes landed on the two of you, her lips turned upwards into a wide smile.

“Ellie, is this [Y/N]?” she asked. Ellie smiled shyly as she nodded her head.

“Yes, this is her,” she answered.

“Well, it’s nice to meet you,” Maria said politely. She was just all smiles, and she was much warmer compared to the scary image of her you created in your head. To be fair, she did seem really intimidating from her pictures, but she was nothing of the sort.

“Nice to meet you, too,” you managed to reply. You were still nervous, feeling like you were choking on the anxious butterflies dancing around your stomach.

“And she’s polite,” Maria prodded. She smiled even bigger as she pulled the door open for the two of you. “Anyways, come in. Joel and Tommy are in the back with the grill set up already, so just follow me.” Ellie walked through the doorway, pulling you with her towards the back of the house. Maria led you through the house’s front hallway into the living den furnished with couches and countless photos and decor hanging on the blue walls, then turned left into the kitchen. Sitting at the table was an older woman at least in her 30’s scrolling through her phone, but her eyes perked up as soon as she saw you all enter the kitchen. Almost immediately an excited smile spread across her face.

“Sarah!” Ellie greeted. The woman jumped up from her seat and gave Ellie a tight hug.

“Ellie, is this her?” she asked. Her eyes kept moving back and forth between the two of you.

“Yes, this is her,” Ellie answered.

“Wow, I’m so happy to meet you!” Sarah cheered. She came over to you and gave you a hug, something you hadn’t expected, but you returned it the best you could. As soon as Sarah pulled away from the hug, she was talking again. The way she carried herself was so confident and firm, and she held great amounts of eye contact while speaking—something you were struggling with at the moment. “Ellie has told me so much! She never stops talking about you!” She had a sweet, Texan accent when she spoke like Joel, while Ellie only had a slight one in comparison.

“Sarah!” Ellie groaned.

“What?” she asked coyly. “Was I not supposed to say that?” The answer was yes, and she knew that, but how could she resist teasing her little sister? Ellie just rolled her eyes.

“Come on, y’all, they’re waiting for us outside,” Maria announced. She nodded her head in the direction of the door behind the kitchen table, and you found yourself taking a deep breath. The door was glass, so you could see the wooden porch outside and the green grass, but no sign of Joel or Tommy—you know, just the two men who terrified you the most.

“Oh, yeah, I was gonna help Dad with the grill,” Sarah sighed.

“You? Helping with the grill?” Ellie teased.

“Hmm, more like standing there and talking to him,” she said.

“That sounds more like what you meant,” Ellie responded.

“Yeah, see y’all out there.” Sarah got up from her seat and was the first to open the back door, the hot air and smell of grilled meat wafting in as soon as she did. Maria followed her soon after, and you knew you and Ellie should follow suit, but you found yourself stuck, unsure what to do.

“Hey, you okay?” Ellie asked. The sound of the door closing shut hung in the air, and you knew you’d have to open it again soon.

“Yeah, just… nervous,” you explained.

“Everything will be alright, promise. I’m gonna be here the whole time, and we’re gonna be eating, too. That won’t be too bad, now, will it?” she asked.

“No, I guess not,” you replied.

“And you’ve got me right next to you. Don’t forget that.” Ellie gave you a sheepish smile, and you did your best to return it despite the queasiness in your stomach.

The barbeque went well, and it wasn’t as bad as you thought it would be. In fact, you felt well-received by Tommy as Maria and Sarah helped encourage him to hold conversation with you. The two women did a lot to help conversation flow and welcome you as much as possible, but the one person you felt like you weren’t getting through to was Joel. He was just so… quiet. It’s as if he was always on guard, always analyzing the situation, but what did you expect from a guy who used to be in the military? That seems to be the exact kind of disposition he’d have. He only really gave small replies in single words here and there, maybe an autobiographical question for you, then he’d retreat back to his silence. It was honestly unnerving, and as much as you did your best to immerse yourself in the conversation, in Ellie’s little jokes, Tommy’s laughter, Joel intimidated you more than anyone else ever had before. Why was he so quiet? Did he see something wrong with you? Did he not think you were fit to be his daughter’s girlfriend? Was he waiting for you to make a mistake? Was he planning how to tell Ellie that he didn’t think the two of you were a good match? All the possibilities were endless, and every single one terrified you to no end.

Despite the anxiety eating you up from the inside, you did your best to maintain your composure. You answered whatever questions Ellie’s family had for you, laughed at the jokes like you should have, all while trying to keep the crushing fear at bay. Ellie seemed to sense it somewhat, because at multiple points throughout the dinner she’d grab your hand under the table or rub your thigh comfortingly. When the night started slowing down, the sun sinking lower and lower, Tommy and Maria declared the end of the dinner and started clearing the table. Joel and Sarah disappeared into the house, carrying trash and whatever else they could back inside. Ellie leaned in close to your ear in order to speak.

“How are you feeling?” she whispered.

“I’m doing okay,” you answered. “Not as nervous as before, but still a little.”

“Did you enjoy yourself, though?”

“I did,” you replied.

“Joel and Tommy are good at barbecuing, huh?”

You laughed a little at her prodding. “Yeah, they are.”

“Look, we’re gonna get you some extra family points, yeah? Let’s offer to help Maria clean up. How does that sound?”

“Sounds good to me,” you said. This time you were the one to offer Ellie a little smile, one she was happy to see on your face after such a long day.

“Perfect.” She stood up from her chair and brushed off her jeans. “Hey, Maria, let me and [Y/N] help you clean up a bit,” she announced.

“Well, aren’t you sweet?” Maria asked.

“The sweetest,” Ellie joked. You were next to stand up from the table, picking up both your plate and Ellie’s while she gathered the left behind cups. Tommy had already retreated inside with the large dishes of food, leaving you with just Maria and Ellie. It was quiet besides the clanking of the dishes as all three of you walked inside. Ellie walked behind you as you reentered the house, slotting dishes in the sink and discarding whatever trash she had. Ellie came up behind you, her back pressing into yours for a second when Maria disappeared into the living room where everyone else presumably was.

“How far do we wanna take these points?” she whispered.

“Well, what are you thinking?” you asked her.

“I say we wash the dishes,” she suggested, and you could just imagine the stupid, little grin on her face. “It’ll make them like me more, too.”

“You’re such a dork,” you said as the laugh spilled out your lips. You turned around to look at her, and there was a goofy grin on her face just like you expected. Her hands ventured to rest on your waist, placing a kiss on your forehead.

“Whatever. Come on, let’s just do it.”

“Okay, you hate doing the dishes, so I’m starting to wonder what this is really about.”

“I… may or may not have promised Maria I’d do the dishes, and she’ll kill me if I don’t.”

“This is why you watch the promises you make,” you said.

“Moving along,” she said in a rushed manner, “are you gonna help me or not?”

“Yeah, because I need you alive.”

You and Ellie slotted yourselves side by side as you were forced to wash the dishes on account of your girlfriend’s promises. She was stuck washing while you dried the dishes. At one point Joel had wandered through the kitchen, muttering a small greeting to you both before disappearing outside. He left the back door open somewhat, but you said nothing, figuring he would be coming back inside soon. Despite the small interruption, Ellie, of course, couldn’t help being a little shit and splashing you with water every once in a while.

“You got my shirt wet!” you’d scold her.

“I’m sorry, baby,” she’d say all fakely. She pulled you into a hug, but once you separated, she splashed you with water again. After washing the dishes and Ellie cleaned the kitchen up a bit, you could tell she was tired and ready to go home.

“You look tired,” you commented to her.

“Yeah, I’m… all tuckered out. You ready to go home?”

“If you are, yeah.”

“Okay, let me find my… Where are my keys?” she asked. She patted at her pockets, looking for any sign of them, only to come back empty. “I think I left them outside.”

“I can go get them for you,” you offered.

“Oh, good idea. You get my keys and I say bye to everyone for us. Perfect.”

“Alright, I’ll go find them for you. Be right back.” You gave Ellie a quick kiss on the cheek before wandering outside through the back door. As soon as you stepped outside, your eyes landed on Joel sitting on one of the chairs with a mug in his hand. You had forgotten he was even out here in the first place, and you hadn’t expected or planned for this interaction with him. You took a deep, calming breath. You needed to act normal.

“Hello, Joel,” you spoke up. He turned to look at you, then returned his gaze to his mug. It was dark outside, and the porch light may have been on, but it was a dim, yellow light. Not at all helpful as your eyes scoured the ground for Ellie’s keys.

“Hello.” It was quiet as you wandered to the table, looking across the top of it for Ellie’s keys. Still no sign of them. You pulled the chairs out, and you didn’t find them on the seats either. You sighed as you pulled out your phone and turned on your flashlight. “What are you lookin’ for?” Joel asked.

“Um, Ellie’s keys. She can’t find them.” You squatted down to the floor, shining the light around the wooden porch as you continued your search.

“Oh, you two gettin’ ready to leave?” he asked. You turned your phone to the right, and something silver glinted back at you. The keys. Thank God. You grabbed onto them and got back up from the ground.

“Yeah, she said she was tired and ready to go home.”

Joel let out a small chuckle. “That sounds like her,” he remarked.

“It very much is her,” you replied.

“I heard her splashin’ you with water in there.”

“She can’t help herself,” you said. “She apologized, then she did it again.”

“Does that… make you mad?” he asked.

“No, not at all.” You were wondering what he was getting at with the question.

“You and her seem to get along well,” he pointed out.

“I think so, too,” you said, hoping you were choosing your words well.

“I can tell she really loves you, you know,” Joel said. He took a sip out of his drink, then glanced at you. “And you seem really good for her, too.” The words hit you right in the heart. You knew from what Ellie told you that Joel wasn’t a man of many words, but these were just enough. They seemed to give you the kind of confirmation you were looking for, that maybe you could put down the anxiety plaguing your mind.

“I’m glad you think so,” you said. You glanced at the mug in his hands again. Was that steam? “Can I ask what you’re drinking?”

“It’s coffee.”

“This late?” you asked.

“The girls always tell me that,” he said, and you saw the smallest glimpse of a smile ghosting his lips. You figured by “the girls,” he must have been referring to Sarah and Ellie, and that small detail stuck out to you. Despite how scary he was, deep down inside he was just a dad. A girl-dad, at that.

“Ellie always tells me how much she hates coffee.”

“She never lets that go. I tell her she has underdeveloped tastebuds to make her mad.”

“That’s perfect for getting under her skin,” you replied.

“That’s why I say it. Anyways, she’s probably lookin’ for you by now, or me, maybe.”

“Probably,” you responded. “After I find her, she’ll probably come tell you bye before we leave. I’m gonna do that now.”

“You go do that,” he said. “And you better take good care of her, by the way.” You smiled a little bit. Had you heard him say that earlier, you probably would have shit your pants, but now you were comforted by the dad-threat.

“I will,” you said confidently.

“Or I will… do something. I don’t know, I’ll figure it out.”

“I take your word for it,” you replied. You turned around to walk back inside, keys in hand, a new kind of pep in your step as you looked for Ellie.

#abby anderson #abby anderson headcanons #abby anderson x reader #abby anderson x you #abby anderson x y/n #abby anderson fluff #abby anderson x reader fluff #ellie williams #ellie williams headcanons #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams x you #ellie williams x y/n #ellie williams fluff #ellie williams x reader fluff #tlou x reader

[venomous-qwille]

Hellooooo! Saw the last ask about tarot cards and while you don't have to answer this, I'd like to give the meanings of the cards that we've seen in the chapter titles, which I'll let others make the connections cause this is already gonna be pretty long if you choose to answer this ask lol

Please note all of these are the general information and meanings about the cards (upright) I could find and the meanings can slightly vary depending on the kind of reading being done and the paired cards <3

Chapter 1: Death. Generally this actually refers to new beginnings and change! It's also a good reference to the talk of sight and death in the first chapter imo, very clever play on your part!

Chapter 2: Seven of Cups. This generally is interpreted as having many options or multiple possibilities, which can either be a comfort due to having options but also could inform you of a sense of being overwhelmed due to too many choices.

Chapter 3: Page of Wands. Often this means good news that should be coming to you soon (often represented by mail or a phone call wink wonk) though for the particular chapter I feel it's relevant to point out some other interpretations, including but not limited to: being inspired or creative, making new exciting plans, finding something you are passionate about, and having a tendency to rush into new things without thinking them through.

Chapter 4: Two of Pentacles. Oft a representation of trying to find or maintain the balance of various aspects of ones life! It can also be a warning to those trying to juggle too many things at once.

Chapter 5: Trochomancy. Not sure if this is a tarot card, I've never heard of it and I can't find anything about it in any of my sources so. ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯ though I did find a definition of the word from a simple Google search: "Trochomancy is a divination by interpreting the wheel tracks." Which plays in well with our little bike trip.

Chapter 6: The Moon. The simplest interpretation for this card generally is that everything is not as it seems, be it a person or a situation in your life.

Chapter 7: Three of Pentacles. This generally is seen as a good card in a reading, often representing things like learning and/or apprenticeship, hard work, dedication, and building on success or foundations!

Chapter 8: Seven of Pentacles. Generally, this card tells you that you've been working very hard and soon your hard work will pay off. A wonderful successor to a card like the Three of Pentacles! You've used these very cleverly, it makes me so happy to see these pair so well with each other and the chapters!!! New thing to be insane about your fic!

Chapter 9: Clamomancy. ALAS! Stuck again with one I've not heard of as a card or can find in my sources, my apologies. But, again, I could find a definition from the ever reliable yet not so reliable Google! "Fortune-telling from the random shouts and cries heard in crowds, at night, etc." I. AM. STARING. 👁️👁️

Chapter 10: Two of Cups. A little ironic considering it's general upright reading interpretation and how the chapter starts out lol. Two of Cups often means things should be going well for you and your life should be very harmonious. It can also mean harmony and mutual respect friendships/partnerships, and all in all has a lot to do with balance regarding life and relations.

Chapter 11: Six of Swords. At the time of writing all this out I actually haven't read this one yet so I'm very excited to see how the cards meanings apply to this chapter! This card generally means moving on or making progress (love that idea), but can also be interpreted as escaping/running away (👁️👁️) or travel! But most often means things like the calm after the storm (👁️👁️) I'm excited to find out how these apply!

I need you to know I actually love you (platonically) for being this amazingly creative and playing these so well!

Thankyou for going to all the effort of writing these! <3 Some of the chapter titles do play into the reversed readings of the cards too, which is something that's worth considering if you want to deep dive!

I anticipate GITM being 100+ chapters so while I intend to use the entire major and minor arcana Tarot as titles, I will also be including some Astral Houses, Lenormand Cards, divinatory practices and philosophical ideas to fill the gaps!

#asks answered #ghost in the machine #gitm au #ghost in the machine au

[seungkwansphd]

room for interpretation - 2

pairing: lawyer!jeonghan x lawyer!YN| word count: 9.1K synopsis: as top of class, you and jeonghan had been many things to each other. enthusiastic rivals, begrudging allies, and…parties to a jokingly written (but legally binding) marriage contingency contract? this piece of paper would’ve been long forgotten had an unexpected merger not thrown you back into each others’ lives. themes: fluff, rivals to coworkers to tentative friends to lovers, “if we’re both single by X age” marriage contract, IDIOTS2lovers, fake dating, miscommunication. this is just a romcom.

“Hey Maja?” you heard Jeonghan’s voice through your door.

“Yes Jeonghan?”

“Can you help me understand how the Law Library is organized?”

“No! I will not help anyone with that!” Maja stood up violently from her desk. “I’ve told Peter a hundred times and I’ll tell him again that we need to digitize that! But nooooo, Mister Romantic likes the aesthetic and mood of having physical references.”

Jeonghan was rightly baffled as Maja stomped off away from him with a stack of papers that would find themselves wrongfully shredded if she didn’t calm down. You held in a laugh. You agreed that digital references would be more efficient, but you also enjoyed the “Law Library”, which was really just an empty office filled with bookshelves of case studies. It was great for when you needed a change of pace as well as one of the best cell reception areas in the office, making it a prime spot for taking phone calls.

“I can help you,” you called to Jeonghan as you got up from your chair.

“She’s…fiery,” Jeonghan commented as you walked.

“Yes, it’s best to stay on her good side,” you chuckled.

Jeonghan followed you in and looked on as you explained Peter’s organization system to him. It didn’t really make sense, but if you understood the logic behind it, you could find things easily enough.

“Do anything interesting this weekend?” you asked as you helped Jeonghan search for a specific reference.

“Went to see my sister.”

“Oh! How is she doing?”

“Good. Her kid is almost five now, which is mind boggling to me!”

“What?!” your eyebrows shot up.

You remembered meeting Jeonghan’s sister briefly during a family orientation event. You knew almost nothing about her, but still it surprised you to hear that his younger sister had a child.

“Are you seeing anyone?” you asked without thought.

“What?”

“No, I mean-,” you winced when you realized what you had asked. “I was wondering whether your parents have thoughts about your younger sister having a kid before you.”

“Ah,” Jeonghan laughed with understanding. “No, they’re so elated to be grandparents, they could care less about me.”

“Got it,” you nodded. “Oh, aha!” you exclaimed when you finally found the document that you were looking for. You pulled it out and handed it to Jeonghan triumphantly.

“Thanks,” he smiled gratefully at you, thumbing through it. “Oh, actually, I did think of you this weekend though.”

“Oh?” you asked. You were surprised to hear that.

“Your little Pokemon.”

You nodded.

“I learned that Eevee has eight evolutions total, but you only have six?”

You nodded again. He was asking a question, but you weren’t totally sure what it was.

“Is there a reason you’re missing two? Are they hard to find or…?”

“Ah,” you nodded, feeling suddenly shy. “I only buy them to celebrate milestones. I have two more major milestones that I’d like to achieve, so I’ll buy the last two evolutions when that happens.”

Jeonghan felt an inexplicable tug in his chest. That was a much more meaningful answer than he’d expected. You waved before returning to your office and he was left wondering what you considered to be the next two major goals in your life. He felt sure that making partner was one of them, but he was at a loss for the other one. Starting your own firm? Becoming a judge?

Harris sat in his office, eyes closed and lips squeezed together in an effort not to burst out laughing. He could hear Maja in Peter’s office next door, giving him the dressing down of a lifetime. He jotted down a note as he eavesdropped. There had to be a relatively painless way of digitizing those files, right?

Maja returned to her desk after, once again, making her case for the files in the Law Library to be converted to digital. Peter could even keep his stupid nook, but she really needed to be able to utilize the ‘Ctrl + F’ function if he wanted to retain her on the team. Her workload had nearly doubled with the addition of supporting Jeonghan since the merger. The only way she was able to manage it was really due to your competencies. You both were organized and dedicated, which made her job easier in many ways.

…

Jeonghan’s brow furrowed when he looked up to see you, once again, absorbed in your phone. Someone had been texting you non-stop when you should have been working with him on the last minute appeal.

“Can you focus please?” he was surprised at how whiny he sounded when he asked.

“Sorry!” your face contorted apologetically as you pulled your attention from your phone.

Jeonghan rubbed his face with his hands. It wasn’t so much that you were on your phone, but rather the fact that you were clearly agitated by whatever you were reading on it.

“It’s-,” you cut yourself off before you could overshare. Flynn was upset that you needed to work late and you were tired of having to defend your career to him again and again.

“What is it?” Jeonghan asked. He would tell himself it was in the interest of getting back on task, but he was personally curious as well.

“Um,” you hemmed as you decided how much you wanted to share.

“It’s clearly upsetting you, whatever it is.”

“This guy I’ve been seeing. He’s upset at all the hours I’ve been working lately.”

Jeonghan’s eyebrows pinched together, clearly unimpressed.

“He’s a dermatologist, so his schedule is very regular. It’s hard for him to understand the demands of law, I guess,” you tried to justify it, but even as you spoke, you knew it was half hearted.

“Hm.”

It was just a single syllable and not even a real word, but it hung in the air with surprising weight before he spoke again.

“He doesn’t need to understand in order to be respectful. You excel at what you do and your career is a priority to you.”

You were taken aback. You’d never really second guessed the importance of your work, despite Flynn’s increasingly frequent episodes of frustration, but the way Jeonghan spoke so easily and surely about the matter gave you pause. For just a moment, you wondered whether you should reconsider Maja’s suggestion of dating a lawyer.

“I don’t see you with someone so insecure anyways,” Jeonghan sniffed. It was a scathing review of Flynn and also felt like a challenge to you to do better.

…

“YN! Jeonghan!” Professor Vance greeted you both with an impossibly wide grin before folding you into a big group hug.

“Hi Professor Vance!” you beamed as you felt yourself be squeezed into Jeonghan’s side. Professor Vance was in her late fifties, but she hugged like a bodybuilder in her late twenties.

“Hi Professor Vance,” Jeonghan laughed over her shoulder.

“Oh look at you two! You’ve grown up so well!” she tittered happily as she led you through the doorway.

You and Jeonghan seated yourself on the crushed velvet sofa in her office. You let out a surprised squeak when you sank into an enormous divot in the center, flush against each other. She’d had this thing since before you were both in law school and its age was starting to show.

“Sorry,” Jeonghan coughed as he struggled up onto his feet. You were so warm and soft against him.

“I’m so happy that you both agreed to mentor for this year’s Mock Trial!” Professor Vance clapped her hands together as she took her seat behind her desk. “The students last time gave such positive feedback. Even as opposing counsel, you two tend to be compatible,” she joked, eyes twinkling.

You and Jeonghan shared a glance.

“What is your availability to prep with the students this year? The date we set for the Mock Trial is in five months. Last time around we asked for bi-weekly meetings with the mentors for three months before the actual mock trial. Can you commit to the same amount of time again this year?”

You did the math quickly in your head. You estimated a total of seven meetings plus the Mock Trial itself, which was reasonable.

“Yes, I can,” Jeonghan answered. “I can probably be available for more, honestly, if needed.”

“Me too,” you nodded. You wanted to be sure that the students on both teams would get an equivalent amount of exposure.

“Wonderful! Would you prefer digital or physical copies of the case materials?”

“Both please,” you both answered at the same time.

Professor Vance nodded, a knowing smile gracing her lips for a mere moment. She still had fond memories of having you both in her class and it was fun for her to be able to interact with you in this way now. While not professional at all, she’d always wondered about your compatibility with each other. She had met her own partner in law school and she’d always seen a healthy competitiveness in your interactions with Jeonghan that mirrored her own relationship in some ways.

“Alright, here you are!” She returned from the printer with two warm stacks of paper. “Any preference for Plaintiff versus Defendant?”

“Flip a coin,” Jeonghan shrugged and you agreed.

“I don’t have any coins,” she laughed before handing you each a packet without checking the contents. “Should we follow up in a month to finalize meeting schedules? We can work around your availability.”

“That sounds good,” you nodded, standing up from the sofa. “It was so great to see you,” you beamed again at the older woman.

“Great to see you,” she agreed before shooing you out of her office.

“Are you hungry?” Jeonghan asked as you walked down the stairs.

“I could eat,” you nodded, amenable to the idea.

“Okay. Any preference? Otherwise I have a place in mind.”

“Go nuts,” you shrugged, itching to start reviewing your packet.

Jeonghan nodded, pulling the car out of the visitor parking lot. It had been a while since you’d been on campus and you couldn’t help but laugh about the unlawful pedestrian behavior, even though you’d both been guilty of the same yourselves.

“No peeking,” you held your hand up jokingly at Jeonghan as you pulled your mock trial packet out of its manila envelope.

“I have integrity,” he sniffed at you even though he had been planning to steal a glance or two.

“Oh and when exactly did you acquire that?” you quipped playfully.

Jeonghan surprised you by looking sheepish.

“Oh come on, I wasn’t that bad in school, was I?” he couldn’t help but ask.

You thought for a moment, trying to bring up an accurate recollection of Jeonghan in college. He had rounded out around the edges significantly, so it was difficult not to conflate the current version of him with the past.

“You were,” you finally sighed, “But I’ll say this. I was too! We were intolerable! It’s no wonder neither of us really had any friends.”

Jeonghan chuckled. This was true. He wouldn’t have considered you friends, but you’d spent a significant amount of time together because you just didn’t have anyone else to spend it with.

“We’re both a little different, huh?”

“A little,” you nodded. “But what hasn’t changed is that I am still intent on whooping your ass in mock trial!”

Jeonghan let out a loud, genuine laugh. Of course you were. Dinner passed quickly with pleasant teasing, fond reminiscing, and good, genuine conversation. It felt good to get to know this Jeonghan. It felt good to let him get to know you too.

“That was yummy! Thanks for picking,” you remarked as you left the restaurant, zipping your coat all the way up to stave off the chill that had set in. “Next time I’ll pick,” you grinned goofily at him.

“Sure, next time,” Jeonghan had to keep himself from tripping over his words at the way you smiled at him.

“It’s chilly!”

Jeonghan nodded, responding with something that you didn’t hear because your eyes noticed something that he definitely couldn’t see. You took him by the wrist and pulled him into a small gap between buildings. You panicked. Maja and Harri had been walking together, heading towards you and so you pressed your hand over Jeonghan’s eyes, backing him against a wall.

“YN, what-,” Jeonghan’s confusion was clear in his voice.

“Hold on, please,” you floundered. There was no way to explain this situation, so you just held yourself impossibly close to him until they passed.

Heat prickled up Jeonghan’s neck as he allowed you to keep him pinned. He couldn’t see you, but he could feel you; feel the heat from your body seeping into him. He succeeded in keeping his breathing even as your smell filled his nostrils. His hands itched to move to your waist, but he was at least able to control that part of his body.

“Okay, s-sorry,” you stammered when you were finally able to pull away.

Jeonghan blinked until his vision returned to normal. In your preoccupation over Maja and Harrison, you hadn’t noticed the flush that had risen in his cheeks nor the way his pulse had quickened at the feel of you pressed against him. As he tried to force his thoughts together, he couldn’t even be bothered to ask what the hell had caused that.

It was a tense and quiet car ride back to the office. Your mind bubbled with questions for Maja about Harris. Jeonghan’s mind was flooded with thoughts of you.

…

“I shall now render my verdict,” Harris cleared his throat. “The court finds this contract legally binding. The defendant and plaintiff shall marry.”

“What?” Jeonghan’s brows furrowed.

“That's wonderful news!” Peter cheered from the witness stand.

Jeonghan looked around frantically as he tried to make sense of the scene. Harris and Peter seemed to melt away when his eyes landed on you, seated at the opposing bench.

“YN?” he was still confused, but a sense of calm had washed over him.

“Hi Jeonghan,” you approached him with a smile. “I suppose we have to get married.”

“What is Harris talking about?”

“Our marriage contingency contract,” you cocked your head at him, as if speaking to a child. “Don't you remember?”

Jeonghan shook his head again. He felt like he did. He felt like he didn’t.

“Here,” a sheet of paper materialized in your hands. “Legally binding, feel free to review.”

His eyes ran across the papers, taking in the words. The memory of this document came flooding back and he turned to you again.

“Aren't you upset about the ruling?”

“Oh? Why would I be upset? I'm the one who brought you to court. This is my desired outcome…”

Jeonghan woke with a start. He could still feel the sensation of your hand in his. In the dream, of course.

“That was fucking weird,” he shook his head furiously.

He got up and hopped in the shower, running it on the cool side in the hopes that it would snap him out of this weird dream funk. He was in the middle of drying his hair when the actual memory of presenting you with that contract snapped back to him.

He chuckled at his former self. He could now recall writing, rewriting, and re-rewriting that contract so that it was truly bulletproof. Why he had put so much effort into a fake document was beyond him. He'd so enjoyed getting a rise out of you back then that it had been more than worth it.

For a moment he wondered whether he still had the document, but then realized that he really needed to finish getting ready. He pushed the thought to the back of his mind for now.

“Morning Maja,” he greeted her on the way in. He had an intake meeting with a client today and needed to finish getting ready.

He had given some thought to the strange interaction he'd had with you the other day. His physical reaction to you had surprised him, but he figured he would've been surprised if anyone else had done that to him too! It was normal and he could be normal about it.

Really it would be weirder if he hadn't been flustered by it!

“Are you okay?” Maja’s voice shook him from his attempt to reassure himself. He’d been standing outside of his office door for five minutes now.

“Yeah sorry,” he coughed before stepping into his office and shutting the door behind himself.

Maja's brow wrinkled. She wasn't sure she'd ever heard Jeonghan apologize for no reason before.

“Morning Maja!” you greeted her sunnily about half an hour later.

“Morning,” she met your gaze with a brief nod before returning to her work.

You stepped into your office and narrowed your eyes at her through the blinds. After you’d seen her out with Harris, you’d waited anxiously for an update that never came. Towards the end of the week and throughout the weekend, you’d even sent occasional, lightly prodding texts and you had nothing to show for it. She was your best friend! You deserved to know the scoop!

You took a second or two longer to be indignant before starting on your work. You’d just been assigned a wrongful termination lawsuit and were eager to get after it! You had a client intake meeting scheduled in the afternoon, so the morning was dedicated to initial document review.

Jeonghan scowled at you through the window. Not that he was keeping tabs on you, but you kept walking up to your window and staring out through the blinds. Most of your face was obscured, so he couldn’t tell whether your eyes were twinkling with mischief or rage. Probably best to assume rage and be pleasantly surprised.

You thought furiously as you watched Harris move across the office. There hadn’t been all that much documentation to go through from the client, and so your mind had returned to the Maja and Harris problem. You’d done some light snooping through shared calendars and noticed a few lunchtime blocks that looked suspect. An idea popped into your head suddenly and you burst through the door into Peter’s office.

“Hey, are you busy?” you asked, even though he was staring into space with a Rubik’s cube in his hand.

“No, what’s up?”

“I was just thinking that I don’t know Harris very well, but I feel like I should get to know him better. Can you tell me maybe some stuff about him so I have some conversation starters?”

“Oh of course!” Peter clapped his hands together, the Rubik’s cube falling onto the carpeted ground. “Oops. What do you want to know?”

“Hm, what are his interests?” you start broadly. Your strategy was to chat with Harris in the hopes that he let something slip, so knowing what you could even talk to him about was a start.

“Oh! Let’s see, he enjoys golfing and skiing.”

You struggled not to roll your eyes. Between him and Jeonghan, you weren’t sure who would win ‘least interesting interests’. What was the draw for Maja? Maybe you should’ve been actively working to split them up.

“Hmm, oh! It’s maybe a little out there, but he makes pet beds for the local shelter?”

“What?” you almost yelled. Now this made sense as a selling point for Maja. “That’s so cute, what the hell?”

“Isn’t it?” Peter gushed. You had always been grateful that Peter knew how to be unserious when the situation called for it.

Jeonghan’s brow furrowed as he overheard you and Peter tittering about something. For a managing partner, Peter could be quite goofy. Jeonghan had a sudden flashback to the day you’d asked him about Harris’ perspective on dating policy. He shook his head. No, there was no way. You’d said you were seeing someone else.

“Oh my gosh, yes. It is so cute, you should definitely ask him about it.”

“Oh I absolutely will,” you nodded excitedly. That was the perfect conversation starter. Fun and personal in a way that could open the door to other, more personal questions. “Anything else?”

“Oh also his hometown! He goes to visit often.”

Of course! You'd overheard Maja and Harris when you'd gone to visit Yiayia. Why hadn't you thought of that sooner? That was a perfect segue to bring Maja into a conversation with Harris.

“You're a genius, I'm obsessed with you,” you thanked Peter before practically bouncing back to your office.

…

Jeonghan’s jaw was tense. He’d been watching you talk to Harris for probably fifteen minutes and he could not, for the life of him, figure out why you were smiling so much. He’d worked with Harris for four years and could barely remember a single time when he had made Jeonghan laugh. Whatever he was sharing with you or you were sharing with him seemed to be endlessly entertaining, though.

Maja failed to hold in a grin as she watched Jeonghan watch you. She’d also noticed you talking to Harris for an atypically long time. Unlike Jeonghan, she could recognize it for what it was: snooping. Maja did feel a little guilty about not updating you on the status of things with Harris, but for now it was something that she just needed to keep to herself.

“You good?” she finally asked.

“Oh, what? Yeah,” Jeonghan sputtered and coughed, completely caught off guard.

“Okay, you looked like you were able to burst a blood vessel,” she couldn’t help but tease.

“I’m fine,” he dusted himself off needlessly, but lingered.

“She’s good, huh?” Maja gestured towards you. Jeonghan made a face, indicating he wasn’t quite sure what she was referring to. “YN. She’s very good at connecting with people.”

“Ah,” Jeonghan nodded, considering this for a moment. “She was like that in college too.”

“Oh I always forget that you two went to school together. How was that?”

“It was…,” Jeonghan struggled to find words that felt adequate. “Frustrating. Hard. Fun.”

Maja’s eyebrows raised. She had looked back at him during his long pause and she was surprised at the way his expression changed and softened as he tried to describe his time with you. She wondered if he realized it. She was sure that you didn’t.

…

You smiled as you watched Jeonghan coach the students. It was interesting to see him outside of his normal comfort zone and it surprised you at how gentle he could be when functioning in a mentor capacity.

“YN? What do you think about this argument?” one of the students asked, pointing to a slew of bullet points in their notebook.

“Let me see!” you smiled, eyes scanning the page. “This is awesome!”

You were so impressed by the students participating in this year’s mock trial. This was only your second meeting with them and they had already developed solid arguments with sufficient supporting articles. You reviewed more of the students' arguments and gave feedback about potential rebuttals. As you were running out of time, you asked the students to think through those in preparation for your next meeting. When you looked back up, Jeonghan’s eyes were on you. 

He was surprised when you met his gaze. Even though he was a lawyer who was paid to keep his cool, it still felt embarrassing to be caught staring. He let himself believe that he didn’t let it show. True to form, you didn’t break eye contact either and the stare grew tense, laden. It sent a thrill through you that surprised you.

“Okay, thank you for your time!” the students piped up, starting to pack their bags. “We’ll see you in two weeks?”

“Yes!” you beamed, standing to gather your things as well. How long had you been looking at him? You hoped it hadn’t been noticeable.

“Those two need to fuck,” one of the students commented once they were outside of the law building and well out of earshot. The rest of the students chuckled in agreement.

…

“Dinner?” Jeonghan suggested as you crossed the quad towards the parking lot. “If you’re free.” he added, remembering that it was a Friday, after all.

“I am free,” you nodded, “But whether I want to have dinner with you is another question,” you shot him a cheeky grin.

Jeonghan’s eyebrow raised, tongue pressing against his cheek as he looked you over. You were so terribly annoying. He smiled at the way you pretended to consider before nodding.

“I could eat. And I said I’d pick this time, right?”

“Yes.” Jeonghan looked down at you. His hair had grown longer in the past month and it was starting to fall into his eyes.

“Hmm,” you went through a mental rolodex of restaurants that you liked. “Have you been to Krazy Bao?”

“No.” 

“Are you a sushi purist?”

“...no? What does that even mean?”

“Great!” you clapped your hands together excitedly. “Oh wait, we drove separately. Want me to text you the address?”

Jeonghan nodded. You had recently exchanged personal phone numbers, but had yet to need them. Between seeing each other nearly every day at the office and these mock trial meetings, everything you had to say to each other could easily be done in person. His phone pinged and he pulled it out before shooting you a thumbs up.

“Okay, beat you there!” you waved over your head as you walked to your car. You were starving.

“So these are like…sushi balls?” Jeonghan tried to make sense of the menu.

“Yes, but they’re also filled. So they’re onigiri inspired as well.”

“Huh,” he nodded. It wasn’t traditional, but they did look pretty tasty. “What’s your favorite?”

“Depends on my mood, but usually the tuna and the krab ones are my favorite.”

He nodded again, zeroing in on the eel, which looked interesting. You waffled about what to choose until the server arrived, forcing you to make a decision.

“So what do you think of your team this year?” you asked after they left.

“Really impressed. You?”

“Me too! I don’t know about your team, but my students are so prepared! I’m not even sure we took it this seriously when we did it?”

Jeonghan laughed, taking a sip of his tea. He disagreed about that. He remembered both of you acting as if mock trials were life or death ordeals.

“But yes, so so impressed. As a mentor, I’m sure I shouldn’t be saying this, but sorry to you and your team and prepare to eat shit.”

“Oh really?” Jeonghan raised an eyebrow at you coolly as your server returned with cocktails. “I’m not sure what set of evidence Professor Vance gave you, but we got this in the bag.”

He leaned back, crossed his arms, and gave you a once over that made you feel tiny and indignant. Your mind raced for a moment, reviewing the evidence in your mind before you realized what was happening. He was playing mind games and he had succeeded in getting under your skin. He chuckled as he watched the realization settle across your brow.

“Ha ha, very funny,” you stuck your tongue out at him. “You always did enjoy annoying me.”

“It’s still fun to get under your skin,” he admitted, taking a sip of his cocktail.

You squinted at him.

“What have you been doing for fun lately?” you asked after a short silence.

Jeonghan paused for a moment. He was really drawing a blank.

“Nothing?” you looked aghast when he wasn’t able to answer.

“Do you have time for fun?” he marveled. You worked just as much as he did.

“I…,” you had managed to give yourself pause.

“See? You're a workaholic too! I’m willing to bet that you don’t have any hobbies.”

“You said you snowboard, right?” you were scrambling for something. Anything. “And I…I bake!”

Jeonghan’s left brow raised in disbelief.

“I know how to bake.” you corrected yourself.

“The demands of an associate trying to make partner are crazy. It’s futile to try and have a life outside of that.”

You furrowed your brows at him. Why did it feel like you’d had this conversation with him before? The server interrupted your thoughts with your food and you were happy to set them aside.

“What did you think?”

“It was good. I would come back here,” Jeonghan nodded and you preened.

You filled the silence with occasional comments as you walked towards the parking lot where you’d left your cars. You were caught off guard when Jeonghan stopped, putting several paces between you before you noticed.

“Oh. I know where we are!” he stated. “There’s a nice bar like a block that way,” he pointed down the crossroad.

“Oh? Wine bar? Cocktails? Whiskey?” you found yourself asking.

“You wanna go?” he asked. He didn’t want the night to end just yet.

“Oh…yes? We might have to pay for more parking though,” you thought out loud.

“I’ll go put more change in the meters. We probably only have to pay for like thirty more minutes. The place is called Bar Argos. Save me a seat,” Jeonghan pointed towards it again before he set off to top off the meters.

You found the place with no trouble, but your jaw dropped when you walked in. Bar Argos was located in a refurbished historic building and the inside was absolutely incredible. The walls were painted a rich, dark green and were teeming with artwork in beautiful frames. The shelves were adorned with books and plants with tendrils that curled towards the ground. Once you had finished gawking, you snagged two stools at the bar where you were presented with a menu.

“Have you been here before?” an unfamiliar voice asked over your shoulder.

“No, I haven’t,” you shook your head, turning to face the speaker.

“Would you care for a recommendation?” the young man smiled at you.

“I would!” you nodded.

He settled in next to you, asking you questions about what you liked to drink. You were still conversing animatedly with him when Jeonghan entered. He scowled immediately at the proximity of this stranger and also saw an opportunity to mess with you.

“Sorry that took so long,” he interrupted the conversation smoothly, positioning himself tightly behind you, resting his arm on the bar. “Hello,” he greeted the other man coolly.

“Oh, hello? Are you-?” the man gestured between you and Jeonghan.

“Yes, she’s taken.”

You balked. You were not!

“Are you?” the man followed up with you directly.

Jeonghan let out a puff of laughter, a derisive scoff, which tickled the hair on your head and zipped down your spine. You coughed at the stranger, allowing him to draw his own conclusion.

“What the hell, Jeonghan?” you demanded as the other man made himself scarce.

“You shouldn’t be flirting with other people,” he tsked at you.

“We’re not together!” you hissed at him. You had wanted to shout, but the bar was too quiet for that.

“You are taken, though,” he looked down at you.

You were quiet. You hadn't shared with Jeonghan that you'd broken up with Flynn weeks ago. Part of it was because it wasn't his business. Part of it was because you didn't want him to presume that it was due to his opinion of Flynn. As if you held his opinion in such high regard!

“What do you want?” he asked, finally moving into the seat next to you. He'd been standing behind you for so long that a shiver ran down your back at the cool of his absence.

“Ah,” you shook yourself to attention. “I thought the absinthe looked interesting. I've never seen it offered anywhere else.”

“For all the times I've been here, I've never tried it,” Jeonghan’s eyebrows raised with interest. “Let's do it!”

You and Jeonghan promptly learned that drinking absinthe was quite a time consuming ordeal. It involved placing a sugar cube on a special spoon and letting water drip, slowly dissolving the sugar into the absinthe.

“Have you ever considered teaching?” you asked as you watched the ripples skip across the surface of the absinthe.

“Law?”

“No, cooking,” you rolled your eyes.

“Why are you asking this? So I'll leave the firm and you’re assured partnership?”

You coughed with surprise. That hadn't even crossed your mind but it was an excellent bonus perk!

“Another pro for the pro column,” you joked. “No, you just seem good at it. Don't get me wrong, you're great in the courtroom for sure, but you're surprisingly constructive and encouraging with the students. I just wondered.”

Jeonghan glanced over at you. The dual-wielded compliment caught him off guard. He had been enjoying mentoring an unexpected amount, but he was surprised that you'd noticed.

“Thanks,” he finally responded. “I have been enjoying it a lot, but I’m not sure I’m cut out to fully teach. I still have a short fuse for nonsense, after all,” he laughed.

You laughed, watching as the last shards of sugar dissolved into the absinthe. What had started out as a bright green liquid had turned a cloudy chartreuse and you regarded it with curiosity.

“Anise,” you wrinkled your nose after catching the scent.

“Very,” Jeonghan nodded.

You tipped your glasses together before taking a sip. Your expression moved into one of pleasant surprise while Jeonghan’s pinched together with displeasure.

“No good?” you asked. “I kind of like it!”

“It's…odd.”

It was odd. Herbal and sweetly spiced, the absinthe warmed you from the inside out. You felt like you were drinking a potion.

“I’m not sure this is for me,” Jeonghan declared, smacking his lips after another taste. He continued to sip on the beverage anyways.

“How's your sister doing?” you asked, recalling your conversation from weeks ago.

“Good!”

His sister and her family had been in town to visit last weekend and he had enjoyed seeing his niece again. Though just over five years old, she was already quite a spitfire with a lot of very interesting opinions. Seeing her again had reminded him of your milestone Pokemon again.

“Can I ask you about your Pokemon again?”

“Oh sure?” you smiled at him.

“What are the last two milestones that you’re hoping to achieve?”

You blinked. The question was personal and direct. You regarded Jeonghan for a moment or two before answering. You two shared some semblance of friendship now, it shouldn't be too weird to share with him, right?

“Making partner and getting married.” Your skin prickled. You’d been wrong, it did feel weird to share this with him.

“Ah,” Jeonghan nodded. He was surprised at the way he felt flustered by your answer. “Well, you're well on your way to both, right?”

You gave him a look of confusion.

“I mean, you're clearly on your way to making partner and you've been seeing…that person.” Jeonghan omitted his opinion that they still didn't deserve you.

“Ah,” the sound you let out was viscerally awkward. “We broke up.”

Jeonghan’s hand stilled over his glass and his eyebrows raised with surprise.

“And on the matter of partner,” you barreled through your strange confession, “We’ll see. I still see you as my number one threat.”

You thought about slapping your hand over your mouth. Absinthe had clearly been a mistake. Or you'd at least tell yourself that.

Jeonghan smirked, fingertips now resting against the rim of his glass. The two revelations back to back felt like a sucker punch. You were single. You'd been flirting with that man earlier because you'd wanted to. You still saw him as an adversary.

“I think that's fair,” he nodded as you watched him carefully, “I am a threat.”

Jeonghan regretted his words immediately. He liked to think he was self aware, knew how to keep a lid on the pettier side of himself, so it did surprise him when it reared, crept up and spoke for him.

You blinked. You were surprised that you were surprised. This was the Jeonghan that you knew, after all, but you'd fallen into a false sense of camaraderie and for that you chided yourself.

…

Jeonghan rubbed his hands over his face as he tossed around in bed later. He’d tried not to dwell on the conversation from earlier and failed. After spending some time kicking himself for his needlessly stupid response his mind turned to the topic of you and marriage. It reminded him, again, of the contract he’d dreamt about. He could remember signing it, but honestly wasn’t sure whether it was just a figment of his own imagination.

He spent the next morning rifling through his home office without success. On his way to work, he wondered whether you remembered it, but after last night he had little confidence that he could ask about it in a way that wasn’t wholly humiliating.

…

Your fingertips tapped against the desk with irritation as you reviewed additional documents from your wrongful termination suit. You’d met with your client a few more times and the more she had shared, the more livid you’d become. This workplace seemed to be mired in racism and classism and you now had a totally professional and not personal vendetta against them. There was a half-formed idea in your brain to pay them a visit, undercover, to see whether you observed the same behaviors yourself, but they were a wedding venue so you probably couldn’t just show up alone.

“Maja,” you stepped out of your office, “I need help.”

“What’s up?”

“Who would make a believable fake fiance for me? I want to visit the defendant in that wrongful termination suit, but I need to show up as a couple so it doesn’t come across as weird.”

“Ah,” Maja nodded, eyebrows raising with surprise.

It had been quite some time since you’d pulled one of your undercover visits. It was usually a good sign for your clients when you were that invested, but it certainly wasn’t without risks.

“What about Kevin?” you wondered aloud. He was a few years your junior and was amiable enough to let you take the lead on most things, which would allow you to steer the visit however you wished.

“Kevin?” Maja’s face wrinkled with disapproval. She counted him among the more feeble minded attorneys. Milquetoast, in fact, and not ever a suitable counterpart to you. “Absolutely not.”

Jeonghan chuckled at Maja’s expression as he walked by. Whatever you were discussing was clearly not up to snuff.

“Jeonghan, what do you think?” Maja surprised you both by roping him into the conversation.

“About?” he paused, turning to face you.

“Who do you think can pass as a fake fiance for YN?” she asked. Maja had a feeling she knew his answer, but she was curious whether he would say it to you out loud.

“Fiance?” Jeonghan echoed. Your mind was a mystery to him.

“It’s for a case,” you clarified. “Wrongful term and I’m curious to observe the environment myself.”

Jeonghan nodded and turned his eyes towards his colleagues. Even though he’d gone through this mental exercise already and knew that no one was suitable, he pretended to consider the other attorneys in relation to you.

“No one seems right,” he shrugged.

“Not even Kevin?” Maja pried.

“Especially not Kevin,” Jeonghan looked at you as if you’d grown a second head.

You frowned, crossing your arms. Maja and Jeonghan taking the same side against you was certainly new.

“What about me?” Jeonghan offered himself up.

“What about you?” you asked as Maja lit up with delight.

“I’ll go with you. We know each other well, I could pull off fake fiance.”

“You did go to school together,” Maja nodded, “And you’re both doing that mock trial thing. You’re probably closer than any of the other attorneys here.”

You considered her points and determined that they were valid. You gave Jeonghan a once over before reluctantly agreeing. It was a pinch, so he would have to do.

…

You let out a small puff of disbelief as your eyes landed on Jeonghan. You had never really seen him in ‘day off’ clothes before and you were surprised at how handsome he looked. His hair was down and fell slightly into his face. Without planning it, you’d both worn oversized cardigans and jeans. A happy accident as it made you look like a coordinated couple.

“Morning,” he blinked at you as if still waking up. “Do you want to drive? Or me?”

“I don’t mind driving,” you shrugged, pointing towards your car. The whole ordeal was your idea to begin with.

“Sounds good,” he nodded, hair falling into his eyes.

“Do you need coffee?” you asked as you buckled your seatbelt.

“Yes, your treat since I’m doing you a favor.”

“You offered! I was going to ask Kevin!”

“You're lucky I did. Do you think anyone would believe that you and Kevin have anything other than a professional relationship?”

You pressed your lips together. While you didn’t disagree with Jeonghan, this also left a dangling implication that you and he shared something that did pass as more than professional. You shook your head. You needed to get along today and coffee was a small price to pay.

“Okay, deal,” you shrugged as you pulled out of the parking lot. There was a coffee shop on the way to the destination, so you’d make a stop there.

“What do you want?” you asked, standing a typical distance from him.

Jeonghan clicked his tongue with disapproval before looping his arm through yours and pulling you against his side.

“Black coffee,” he grinned, smug.

You cleared your throat as you placed your order. It wasn’t unpleasant, just a surprise.

“Oh, before I forget,” Jeonghan dug through his pockets as you waited. “Here.”

He fished out two rings, placing the band on his ring finger before handing the other to you.

“Oh my god, I didn't even think-, thank you,” your eyes widened.

Jeonghan grinned, more than pleased with himself. You slid the ring onto your left hand, surprised that it was a decent fit. Maybe half a size too big, but better than you would've done.

“Kevin would not have remembered rings.”

You rolled your eyes. What would it take for him to let this Kevin thing go?

“So what's our story again? They're a wedding business of some sort?”

You nodded before filling in the details. They were an upscale wedding venue and your client was suing for wrongful termination. She alleged that they had a history of selecting clients based on discriminatory criteria, such as appearance or race.

“Oh. Shitty,” Jeonghan’s nose wrinkled as you returned to the car.

“Very. So we're engaged and checking out the venue, but also snooping.”

“Okay, got it. Do we have a backstory that we're sticking to?”

“I figured we'd just say we met in law school. It's true enough…,” you shrugged. You hadn't actually put that much thought into it.

Jeonghan nodded.

“Hello, good morning!” The receptionist greeted you sunnily as you entered.

“Good morning,” you smiled at the double greeting.

“Mr. and Mrs. Yoon-to-be, I presume?”

“Yes!” you smiled, tucking your arm into Jeonghan’s as he blinked. 

“Wonderful! Congratulations on the pending nuptials. Please follow me,” she gestured down a hallway.

As you followed, Jeonghan wondered why ‘Mr. and Mrs. Yoon’ had thrown him for such a loop.

“Please wait here, Delia will be in shortly to walk you through the property.”

“Thank you!”

“This place is crazy,” Jeonghan remarked as he wandered around the office. You had to agree. It reeked of opulence.

“Would you get married here? I'm not sure it's my style.”

“I don't care about the venue. I'm marrying the person, not the place,” he answered seriously.

“Mr. and Mrs. Yoon!” a woman, presumably Delia, burst into the room shortly after that. “Or do you prefer to be called by your maiden name, still?” she clarified with you.

“Mrs. Yoon is fine,” you smiled at her.

Jeonghan felt warm under his cardigan. Mrs. Yoon this and Mrs. Yoon that.

“Wonderful! Well thank you so much for your patience. Let's get started with our tour!”

You held in a chuckle. She was so bubbly. You snuck a glance at Jeonghan but he was distracted by something or the other. You slipped your hand back into his to catch his attention as you listened to the wide array of amenities the venue had to offer. In-house florists, catering, and music were just a few of the laundry list of items that Delia highlighted.

“So how did you two meet?” she inevitably asked.

“We went to law school together,” you smiled, looking towards Jeonghan for good measure.

“Ah! Was it love at first sight? Did you develop feelings during a partner project? Tell me all about it!”

“It certainly wasn't love at first sight,” Jeonghan laughed.

“No,” you chuckled in agreement.

“We were rivals, you could say,” Jeonghan continued. “She was such a pain in my ass for so many reasons, but at the end of the day those are also the things that make her great.”

Your eyebrows had disappeared into your hairline and you were doing your best to keep your jaw off the ground. You had to commend Jeonghan, he really was good at making shit up.

“At one point we even signed a contract agreeing to marry each other if we were both single at thirty. Luckily we had some realizations before it came to that, though.”

You stopped so suddenly that Jeonghan nearly walked into you. His hands moved around your waist to keep you moving at Delia’s pace. 

“Oh my god!” Delia squealed with delight. “Rivals to lovers, that's like something out of a movie!”

Jeonghan watched you from the corner of his eye. You seemed a little flustered, but he wondered if this was just wishful thinking.

“Did you have feelings for him when you signed the contract? I mean why would you sign it otherwise!”  Delia asked, the tour becoming an afterthought at this point.

“I-um,” you stammered. You struggled to form your thoughts. “I never disliked him, even though it might've seemed that way. Even though he was annoying in many regards, I respected him at least. That’s more than I could’ve said for some of our other classmates.”

Jeonghan looked at you with interest, the corners of his lips curled up into a soft smile.

“I guess…,” your eyebrows furrowed. You were just processing out loud now. “I guess some part of me felt that it would be okay if I did end up with him. We share a lot of values…we have things in common.”

You couldn't bring yourself to look at Jeonghan. You briefly considered jumping off of the second story balcony.

“Oh my god, I am trying not to scream,” Delia’s expression was pinched as she gathered herself to continue the tour. She led you through a set of french doors into the gardens.

Jeonghan was trying to keep a lid on his thoughts. He had wanted to gauge your reaction to the mention of the contract, but now he couldn't tell if you'd just decided to commit really hard to the bit.

“Here are our gardens! As you may know, we specialize in centifolia roses, or cabbage roses.”

“Jeonghan!” you made a beeline for the shrubs, pulling a large bloom towards you. “These are huge!” you remarked, turning to show Jeonghan.

He laughed as he watched you hold the rose up to your head for comparison. You were being so painfully adorable.

Delia watched you two contentedly. She let you and Jeonghan wander around the rose garden until you were satisfied.

“We also have a suite of hotel rooms on premise for the wedding party.”

“Oh that is convenient,” you nodded up at Jeonghan. You were fully immersed.

“Yes,” he smiled at you. He had an errant thought that there wasn’t much he’d say no to when it came to you. The way that cabbage rose had made you smile would’ve made anything else worth whatever the ridiculous cost.

You grinned back up at him. For a moment, you two just held each other’s gaze. A light breeze scattered Jeonghan’s bangs into his eyes. You reached up to push them aside so he could see again. As you pulled your arm back, Jeonghan caught you by the hand and placed a soft, open-mouthed kiss on the inside of your wrist.

You blinked. Your heart raced at the intimate touch.

“Oh you two are so sweet it makes me want to lie down in oncoming traffic!”

“What?!” you let out a laugh that was half cough.

“The way you look at each other. I can tell that you care about each other deeply. We can be somewhat selective about the clients we take on, but safe to say that you meet the expectations.”

“Oh, sorry?” your and Jeonghan’s ears pricked to attention.

“Yes! Weddings here are very coveted and exclusive, so we have to be quite choosy about who makes the cut. We have a reputation to keep up, after all!”

“Oh? Tell us more please!” you smiled, patting Jeonghan’s hand excitedly. He gripped your fingers in response.

“Well…I’m not supposed to share this, but I’m also so obsessed with you two,” Delia’s eyes glanced around conspiratorially. “We are very…considerate of our branding. There are…certain demographics and lifestyles that just aren’t compatible with the brand, so we steer clear. But you two…attractive, beautiful lawyers with a compelling story, we would be honored to work with you on your special day!”

You smiled and nodded in agreement, but there was something about the way Delia said ‘demographics’ and ‘lifestyles’ that seemed…consistent with what your client had shared with you. You decided to play dumb.

“Sorry what does that mean?” you asked. Widening your eyes in a way you hoped looked slightly confused and innocent.

“Well, you know,” Delia tried to clarify gingerly, “Like…lower income. Or, um…same sex, couples. I don’t agree, of course! But that is our kind of unwritten rule.”

“Of course, we understand,” Jeonghan spoke after realizing you were deep in furious thought. “Thank you so much for showing us around! What’s the process for following up and seeing which dates are available?”

“Of course!” Delia smiled brightly at him. She led you back to one of the front offices and assembled a packet of handouts and pamphlets with further instructions before seeing you out.

“Thank you very much!” you waved at her as you left.

“Wow that’s…something,” Jeonghan blinked once you were safely out of earshot.

“I fucking hate the wedding industry,” you grumbled as you let yourself into the car. “Bunch of bullshit.”

“I thought you wanted to get married.”

“I do, but I’m not getting married for the material things. I’d get married because we love each other!”

Jeonghan’s lips curled into a smile. It was irrational, but he allowed himself to enjoy the way you’d said ‘we’.

It was quiet as you drove, which allowed you to think. You’d pushed it aside for a moment, but your mind now returned to the contract Jeonghan had mentioned. Honestly you'd forgotten about it, but as soon as he'd mentioned it the memory had snapped back into clear focus. At the time, the explanation for why you’d signed it had been simple: you’d let yourself be goaded by Jeonghan. He had always been good at getting under your skin. Now when you thought about it, you were surprised to feel that what you’d told Delia felt true. It wouldn’t be the end of the world to end up with Jeonghan.

“Are you hungry?” you turned to Jeonghan, feeling the start of a pang of emptiness in your stomach.

“I could eat,” he shrugged.

“Okay, I’m getting so hungry,” you nodded, “Can you see what’s close? Anything will do.”

Jeonghan nodded, fingertips tapping his phone screen quickly. He gave you directions to what looked like a tin shed.

“It said it was barbeque,” he offered as explanation and you laughed. You had said anything would do.

“I will eat you if we don’t get some food soon,” you muttered under your breath as you got out of the car.

“Howdy, y’all!” a short, curvy hostess greeted you with a smile, “Just the two of you today?”

You nodded before shooting Jeonghan a look. This seemed to be a Hooters style establishment with a southern theme. You struggled to hold in a laugh as you were ushered to a booth.

“Can I get you started with anything to drink?” the hostess asked while making googly eyes at Jeonghan.

“I’ll have a coke and my wife…,” he gestured towards you to order. You pretended not to notice the waitress’ crestfallen look as you asked for a lemonade.

“No ice,” he clarified for you before the server had a chance to leave.

“You’re really leaning into this, huh?” you remarked, surprised that he’d remembered your aversion to ice.

“I prefer not to be solicited by my server,” Jeonghan leaned back. Whether he actually liked pretending to be engaged or married to you was his business for now. “It feels okay to be with you,” his smile was now teasing.

“Oh god,” you groaned, lifting your menu to block his mischievous gaze. He was quoting you.

“If I didn’t know you any better, I might think you liked me.”

“I did like you,” you blurted without thinking, “Wait, no,” you clarified. “I mean that I meant what I said to Delia. Even though you annoyed me, I respected you and admired you.”

Jeonghan wanted to ask whether you’d meant the other part of your statement to Delia too.

“And now?” he asked instead, “That was past tense.”

“I respect and admire you now, too,” you laughed, rolling your eyes. He was fishing, but you were happy to give him the compliment anyways.

Jeonghan grinned at you in an easy way that made your heart flip flop.

“Stop that,” you had to look away.

“Stop what?” he waggled his eyebrows at you playfully, grin still plastered across his face.

You weren't able to meet his gaze for a few more minutes, which pleased him inordinately. Were you losing your mind?

back to index | chapter 3

#jeonghan fanfic #jeonghan fluff #jeonghan x reader #svthub #seventeen fanfic #seventeen fluff #seventeen x reader #seungkwansphd:writes #room for interpretation

[transmasccofee]

mini fic about Kusuo and Kuusuke bc I am a little crazy about them — tw for suicide attempt and suicidal ideation, as well as kind of gruesome injury and probably incorrect medical practices lol

also it’s 1st person bc I wrote a lot of this while half asleep and I guess wrote it in 1st person, and then when I woke up it was too woven into the narration to change it to 3rd. Sorry lol.

-

“I like this look on you,” Kuusuke says, a tinge of excitement in his voice. 

I don’t know what he means by that, he must notice my confusion, because he laughs. “You’re at the end of your rope, you’re gonna snap soon and do whatever you can think of that’ll make this all go away.”

I shudder. I don’t want to kill him, but I’m worried at this rate he won’t stop until I do. I don’t like being part of this new dynamic, wherein my own brother views me as a weapon he can do whatever he pleases with. 

He blasts his gun at me again, and it grazes my arm, singeing it. As this fight’s gone on, it’s almost like his machine has gotten more powerful. Or maybe I’ve just grown weaker to it…in any case, it hurts. It hurts so badly. I clench my teeth and try not to show it. 

“Hey. Do you think if I shot him he’d survive?” He grins, gesturing to a certain fallen esper who up until now has gone relatively unmentioned. My blood runs cold and the second I start running towards Toritsuka, another blast can be heard. Panicking, I teleport in front of him, blocking him with my body. The bullet hits my chest and stomach, and the only word I can use to describe the feeling that follows is agony. I want to scream, but I bite my tongue. 

Kuusuke looks at me, his expression different now. “You’re really not gonna kill me, are you?”

I don’t know what to say. It’s hard to think of words right now, I kind of just want to throw up and fall asleep forever. My ears are ringing. Of course I wasn’t gonna kill you, just how do you view your little brother? How have you viewed me my whole life?

Suddenly he seems frustrated, he starts shooting faster and more randomly, he looks  like a madman and in the moment it’s terrifying. About 30% of his shots are hitting me, and at some point the pain gets too great to be interpreted as pain anymore, and instead mellows into a dull aching numbness. I’m depleting my energy to get my limiter back, but in this moment it doesn’t feel worth it. If I had my full powers it might be easier to dodge these bullets consistently. 

I slump over slightly, and he makes some taunting comment. I don’t bother listening. It all hurts so much. I wish I’d been born normal so then maybe we could be playing video games together instead of doing whatever this is.

I wish we could be doing that. A bullet scorches my hair, and this imaginary world where me and him are friends starts to consume my thoughts. 

Despite myself, my shoulders shake. I can barely stand up anymore, in this imaginary world where I’m not ruining everything, Kuusuke notices and runs over to help. 

I know I’m not there, though, when I look up through watering eyes and see a bright light pointed directly at my face. 

If this hits me, I’ll die. I don’t know how exactly I know that, but I know I know.

Without thinking, I half duck half collapse to the ground. It misses and crumbles the wall behind me. Now I just have to get back up, I still need my limiter back, and Toritsuka is still in acute danger. 

…I find then that I can’t get up. I try but everything my body refuses and I slump back down to the cold stone floor. Great. 

It’s my fault, I overdid it. Now Toritsuka is probably gonna die, and I’m probably gonna die, and it’s my fault. Helplessly, a choked sound escapes me. I don’t want to die here, I don’t want Toritsuka to die here. Shit, I completely failed him. 

After a moment, I notice that I’m the only one making any noise. The bullets have stopped coming, and Kuusuke is silent. 

Tentative, he leaves the machine, then he must see my sorry physical state because he breaks into a run towards me.

Unwittingly I flinch back. He notices this too, and slows. Then, he pauses and throws off his mask. His facial expression is one I haven’t seen him make before. 

“I went too far, didn’t I?” Is all he says. I don’t understand, but I can’t do much as he grabs me and flips me onto my back. He makes a hissing noise, which I curl inwards at. “Sorry,” he says. “I’m gonna need to take your shirt off.”

What…? I shake my head vigorously. Of course it’s just another game. Honestly, how was I so stupid as to think he was actually concerned for a second? 

“Kusuo,” he pleads. “This is kind of serious, I need to be able to see the full extent of the damage.”What damage? Does he mean my stomach? I’m fine. I mean, it hurts, but it’s fine.

He takes off my jacket anyways, then curses and peels off my undershirt too. I’m waiting for something to happen, someone to pop out and upload a photo of me at my weakest to the internet as some awful prank, my friends (sans Toritsuka) to come walking out and see me like this, anything. For some reason none of that is happening, Kuusuke is silently surveying me, his whole face is pinched in some unreadable expression. 

“Here, stay here,” he orders. I want to laugh, as it is I can’t even stand, what does he expect me to do?

In my peripheral, I see Toritsuka. He seems to be stirring. Internally, I beg him not to. I can’t do anything right now, he could kill me if he wanted, and then Kuusuke would probably kill him.

When he comes back he’s carrying an array of things. Bandages, water, a cloth, some kind of disinfectant, and a black blanket. It’s odd, despite everything, despite all our fighting, I never feared my brother until now. It’s a potent feeling, and I have to look away. I don’t know what he’s planning. Without a word he hoists me onto his knee, and begins doing something. I can’t stop him without killing him, so I don’t. 

I can feel water, then the cloth dabbing at my chest and arms shoulders, then something cold and sharp touching me. It hurts more than I except. Part of me just wants to surrender, let unconsciousness spare me from any more of this, but then I’d really be powerless against him, so I fight it off. 

I feel something wrap tightly around my torso, and then he murmurs something and puts my undershirt back on, before wrapping me in what is definitely that shitty blanket he brought out. 

For a brief moment, I let myself feel relieved. Then he climbs back onto the machine, and I feel my stomach sink. Tears spring to my eyes. I knew he didn’t like me, but isn’t this…too cruel? Letting me feel safe before destroying me? I brace for the killing blow, knowing that even if I try to teleport away, i won’t have enough control of my muscles to protect myself. 

But it never comes. 

Instead, I hear a turning of keys, and it powers off. He walks back over to me and sighs. I feel small, curled up in this thin blanket on the floor, shaking uncontrollably under him. I’m not meant to be this useless, nor this out of my element. 

“Shit…” he mutters, mostly to himself. “I really did go too far. Look at you. What am I even doing?”

I don’t know what he means. 

“Are you in any pain?” He asks. I want to scoff at him, but I’m still a little on edge and my mind is still numb from the earlier agony it faced. I nod slowly. He inhales.

“I’m sorry.” 

It catches me off guard. I don’t know if I’ve ever heard him apologize like that. I’m dumbfounded. 

“You’re my baby brother, I don’t- I don’t know how I could stoop to something like this. What if I’d killed you…?”

I blink at him. I…I don’t understand. I want to go home. Looking around me I notice the not insignificant amount of blood that had pooled where I was laying. Kuusuke is also covered in blood. Wait, how bad were my injuries?

I look at my shirt, and with sudden horror, I throw up. I wipe my mouth with my sleeve and in the corner of my eye I see my brother’s eyes are as wide as saucers. 

“Shit,” he apologizes again. “Yeah. I guess I really really hurt you. You’re even throwing up…On the bright-side, your friend over there is awake.”

That’s not a good thing, I glare at him hoping that’s conveyed. He looks at me and shrugs, nonchalant. “Don’t worry, he’s not gonna hurt you.”

This time I do scoff out loud. What the hell is he talking about? He just tried to kill me, he’s always hated me, you were the exact person who caused him to realize that. 

Toritsuka looks around blearily, then he makes eye contact with me. I steel myself, waiting for him to laugh, take advantage of my current state, mock me at least. 

He doesn’t, in fact, I’m surprised to see his eyes grow wide with horror. Suddenly he’s crying out my name and barreling towards me, he looks devastated. I don’t know how I’m meant to react. Yet again I don’t understand, I haven’t understood anything that’s happened in the past few minutes. Why are people suddenly treating me like I’m fragile?

He’s at my side, prodding around at my injuries and then the stained floor around me, and then my face. His eyes soften and fill with tears. 

“This is all my fault,” he hiccups. “I- the scientist… he- I’m such an idiot for ever listening to him. Now you’re all hurt, and it’s- I caused it…” 

I don’t say anything, none of this is anything I’m used to. He looks at the intact wall where he was a moment ago, then at me. His whole face sinks into something genuinely pained.

“You protected me, didn’t you.” He sounds really unlike himself, and it creeps me out. Apprehensively, I nod.  I did, but it’s not a huge deal. He doesn’t have to make it a huge deal. 

“Why…?”

Why? I pause. I don’t know. Looking up at him, I shrug. You’re my friend. I guess I care about you. That’s why. 

He shakes his head, then his gaze focuses in on my chest. “Shit…P-Please don’t tell me that’s not where that came from.” He points to the blood soaked bandages hugging my torso. I resist the urge to gag looking at them again. This kind of devastation on my own body is admittedly fascinating, but to someone like me it’s also disturbing. I’m kind of miffed that he’s decided to remind me of that area so blatantly, what happened to manners? Don’t point out the gaping hole in your friends chest so crudely, Toritsuka. 

My lack of response clearly functions as a response for him, because he eventually chokes back a knowing sob. “Shit, fuck, goddammit,” he cries. “I’m the worst, I’m seriously the worst. I’m so sorry. If- if you don’t want to see me again after this…I-“ he trails off. 

I’m a little stunned. It’s really not a big deal. It’s not like he was the one shooting at me, that guy’s lingering a few feet away like a creep. I try to explain this to him, but it just makes it worse. He’s actually crying now, which is making me all sorts of uncomfortable. “Don’t forgive me so easily!” He sobs into my arm. I sigh. This is a pain, all of this is. I’m tired, at this point I just want to go home and sleep. 

Kuusuke must notice, as he takes a step towards me. Suddenly, I notice that I can hear his thoughts. 

Toritsuka catches him moving, and jumps in front of me protectively. “St-stay away!” He snarls. Kuusuke looks amused for a second, but quickly his expression shifts into one of irritation. 

“You’re bothering him. Let me take him home.”

“As if i’d trust you! He almost died because of you! I mean, just look at what you did to him!” Toritsuka gestures widely at me and the area surrounding me. Kuusuke doesn’t answer, and now that I can read his thoughts, I can tell…he’s feeling guilty.

Well, of course, He had apologized earlier, but it takes me aback just how potent it truly is. For most of my life I assumed he hated me, assumed he didn’t care about me at all, but now…I don’t know if knowing he does makes me feel better or worse. 

“I’m sorry,” he says at last, not really directly to either of us. He’s looking past me, straight at the destroyed walls behind us. “I know I went too far, but he can’t stay here.”

“So I’ll take him home!” Toritsuka argues, unwilling to trust him. It’s understandable, I wouldn’t. I don’t. 

“It’s better if I do. You’ll jostle him. Plus, he’s my brother, so if It’s me our parents will be more understanding.”

That last part’s a blatant lie, I know it and I know he knows it. The first part is reasonable, though. Toritsuka is only a little heavier than me, and he’s not very physically fit. Carrying me all the way back to my house on his own would be difficult and potentially dangerous for both of us. 

“You’re his brother…??” He gapes, then rage takes over his shock. “How could you do something like this, then?!”

He yet again doesn’t answer, and his thoughts grow even heavier. Honestly I find that I kind of miss his limiter. 

Annoyed, I attempt to sit up, the sharp stabbing pain that jolts through me makes me regret that choice, as I slam back down against the floor. Both of them whirl around to look at me with considerable distress. 

“Don’t move,” Kuusuke is the first to speak. I glare, wanting nothing more than to punch him right now. My injuries should’ve healed by now, right? Why haven’t they?

He looks sheepish. “Yeah,” he says slowly. “Er, about that…the way my invention works, those are gonna stay for a while. Sorry.”

I stare at him, Toritsuka does too. 

“I created it to weaken you, so…it sort of overrides everything about you, including the mind control you’ve done.”

I blink. I’ll ask him how he even did that later, right now I’m just furious. Seriously, what was he thinking? My mind is more clear than it was earlier, and I at least feel enough in my element to be angry, even if physically the bets are still off.

Internally I beg Toritsuka not to ask about the mind control thing, I’m too tired to even attempt explaining that.

Fortunately he doesn’t, though I’m all too aware of how he shelves it for later questioning. 

“By weaken, don’t you just mean destroy?” Is what he asks instead. I now wish he’d just asked about the mind control. What kind of loaded question is that? He realizes I’m right here, doesn’t he?

“I created it to destroy myself,” he says honestly. I already knew, but hearing it out loud, so blatantly is still hurtful. Toritsuka looks confused, so unfortunately he elaborates. “I was hoping if I drove him low enough, he’d snap and destroy me.” Too honest. Dial it back a bit for the readers at home. 

“Oh,” is all Toritsuka can think to respond with. I really can’t blame him. I want to go home, I don’t want to be here anymore. 

“It was a mistake, though, and now look. My baby brother is badly hurt, all because of me.”

“…yeah. He really is.” Not helpful. Both of you should leave, just let me die here, it’s better than having to listen to this exchange any longer. 

They stop talking, though their thoughts are both still so loud. It’s all too heavy, I can’t deal with this, especially not presently. 

“…fine,” Toritsuka says. “Only If Saiki-san is fine with it, we’ll accept your help.”

I kind of want to ask where he got the idea that he had stakes in this decision at all, but honestly I’m a little relieved he’s here acting as a middle-man. 

“Okay. And? Is he?” Kuusuke questions, peering over at me. I shrug. “You don’t know?” I shrug again. I don’t want to interact with him. 

“You’re upset, you don’t want to talk to me,” he says matter of factly.  I forgot that he’d gotten kind of skilled at reading me. “I get it, but I really do need to know where you stand on this, otherwise there’s not much I can do for you.”

I sigh. As much as I keep telling myself I want to go home, the idea of my parents seeing me like this is mortifying, especially if he’s there too. 

“You don’t want to go home? You’re scared of our parents seeing you like this, especially when I’m there too?” He parrots. I flinch. know I said he was skilled at reading me, but that’s basically just telepathy. Toritsuka makes a face like he’s just had an idea. 

“He can go to my house! I have a lot of first aid stuff.”

You do? Why? Actually, I don’t want to know. Admittedly, it’s not an awful idea if I ignore the fact that I’d be inside Toritsuka’s house. The one good thing about being in a situation like this with these two is that they both know not to suggest the hospital. Hesitantly, I nod. 

“Great, that’s settled then?” Kuusuke sounds tired too. 

“I guess so.”

“Where do you live?”

“Oh, right. Erm…I’ll just lead you guys there.”

“Ok then.”

Kuusuke, without much warning, scoops me up off the ground. “Lead the way!” He chirps, presumably trying not to sound too annoyed.

Surprisingly, Toritsuka actually manages to lead us to where he lives without much issue. Maybe he’s more reliable than I thought. That, or my bar is just way too low for him. Probably the second one. 

“He can go on the bed,” he says over his shoulder. Kuusuke nods and sets me down. “So…now what are we doing?” He comes back with way more first aid supplies than any one person should ever need. Now I really feel the need to know why he had this stuff in the first place…

“Stitches.” Kuusuke replies, completely distracting me from Toritsuka’s stash. Did I hear that right? How does he intend to do that, an ice pick can’t break my skin, so really, how does he expect a needle to be able to??

He laughs. “Are you curious about how I’d be able to break your skin?”

Yes, but stop reading my mind, please. 

“Don’t worry, I’ve studied you enough to know this isn’t an issue. See, it’s not actually that your body is impenetrable…it’s a protective shield, a very thin protective shield.”

I’m confused by what he’s trying to say. 

“Basically,” he explains. “Your body naturally stops anything from harming you, of course it’s not impossible to bypass this shield, but most things that would kill a regular person won’t really affect you...”

I’m about to ask where he’s going with this, but Toritsuka beats me to it. “Sorry, but what does this have to do with giving him stitches…?”

“The stitches wouldn’t be harming him, they’d be helping him.”

“Ohhh. Right. Okay, I get it.” He lies. 

I’m skeptical. Kuusuke knows more about my body than I do, but it’s hard to trust him. I guess there’s not any other options, and I don’t really know how he could use this to beat me anyways. Reluctantly, I give him permission to attempt this. 

Against all my expectations, it kind of works. I mean, the first needle shatters, as do the second and third, but once I manage to relax it becomes almost too easy. Of course, it hurts, though strangely not as much as him cleaning the wound in preparation had. Toritsuka is talking to me about something stupid, I couldn’t make out what he was saying even if I wanted to, my mind is swimming too much. The sound of his voice is a decent distraction, though. 

Eventually, after what must’ve been a few hours, as well as the tragic loss of many needles that shattered the second I tensed even a little, Kuusuke finishes up. 

“Good as new!” He says, which is objectively untrue, but whatever. “…How do you feel?”

Bad, but less urgently. I don’t know if I can sit up yet, the thought of trying makes me shiver. Right now I’m tired, all I want is to sleep. 

“I’ll check in tomorrow. You’ll look after him, I assume,” he asks Toritsuka, who nods. “Alright.”

And with that he’s off. 

Toritsuka looks at me, all I can hope is that he won’t try to engage in serious conversation with me. He doesn’t.

He doesn’t say anything, actually. He thinks a lot, a lot of apologies, but he says nothing aloud. Silently, he lays on the floor and closes his eyes. 

I roll my eyes, he’s punishing himself. That’s annoying. Do what you like, but in front of me? over something that wasn’t your fault…? When he falls asleep I’ll be sure to give him at least a pillow and blanket, it won’t help anyone if we have two people in pain tomorrow. 

Once he’s asleep, I finally let myself drift off too. 

I’m woken up by Toritsuka’s miserable thoughts. It seems Kuusuke isn’t here yet, in the meantime I wonder if there’s anything I can do to make Toritsuka realize he doesn’t have to be so hard on himself. It’s fine. 

“Can you sit up yet?” He asks, I blink at him. It’s too early for this, seriously. I just woke up. 

I push myself up with my elbows, there’s a significant throbbing pain throughout my body, but I can ignore that. 

“Hey, that’s good! Maybe your weird brother was wrong…?”

He probably wasn’t, but one can hope. I give a thumbs up, for whatever reason my hands are shaking. 

Kuusuke arrives, he checks in, “supervises” for awhile, then he leaves. At night Toritsuka tries to punish himself by sleeping completely uncovered on the hard floors, I thwart his plans and then fall asleep myself. This repeats for weeks, honestly it’s becoming monotonous. Kuusuke keeps reassuring us that he has all the technical stuff “handled”, and I guess I have to believe him. 

Not only that, it’s all frustrating. There’s something nagging at me, it feels like a pit in my stomach, the same feeling you get when you haven’t eaten for a long time, and I don’t know what it is or why it’s happening. There’s something we didn’t address, but I can’t put my finger on what it is. 

It comes to me one day, at a point where I’m far enough long in this awful recovery period that I can walk around with only some agonizing pain. The stitches have been removed, I’m probably gonna go to my regular home soon. Toritsuka’s gradually stopped punishing himself, everything is going…fine. 

I’m even kind of getting along with Kuusuke, if I ignore everything that lead up to this, I might be able to pretend we’ve always been like this. 

Then one day, it’s like he snaps.

“Kill me,” Kuusuke says, grabbing my shoulders. It’s raining, we’re both outside and he’s knocked over the umbrella I was holding. I’m too shocked to respond. “I’m asking you to kill me, however you like, but please kill me.”

I can’t think of what to say to him. Weren’t we over this…? I guess not. That must’ve been what was bothering me so much. He looks desperate, desperate in a way I haven’t seen him before. 

“I deserve it, you deserve to be the one who does it. It would be humiliating to die to anything besides you, so please…”

I really thought we were over this. 

There’s some kind of cruelty present here, and the worst part is I don’t even know if he recognizes it. I feel the resolve I’ve been clutching crumble just a little. 

The reality is I never, never in my life, truthfully wanted to kill him, I’ve never wanted to hurt anyone. I wish I’d made that clearer, maybe we could’ve avoided all of this. I feel, for a moment, profoundly angry, then it’s washed away and all I can feel is hurt. Hurt that even after all this, he still thinks of me this way, hurt that he thinks of himself this way, hurt that our relationship is like this. I want to cry, I want to curl up as tight as possible and cry until all of this melts away. How did we even get here? How did it get this bad? 

He looks about two seconds from breaking down himself. I don’t know how to fix this, I don’t think I can. Once again I picture that imaginary reality where I’m normal, and I imagine a Kuusuke who’s offering words of comfort.

Against my will, tears come rushing. I can’t stop them, I’m helpless. I’ve caused all of this, the fault of my existence is why any of us are in this situation. My face is wet, and I don’t care to tell what’s from rain and what’s from me. It’s humiliating regardless. 

“Kusuo…? Are you…-” He sounds so far away. Quickly, I cover my face with my arm, stepping back in shame. I wish I’d just gone home when I was first injured, I want my mom, she’d know what to say right now. Then again, I’m sure that would’ve caused her a lot of trouble, so it’s probably good I didn’t. Probably. I don’t know. 

“Are you crying?” He asks, I laugh. Obviously I’m not. Or, wait, actually I am. Huh. I’m crying right now.

I’m so tired of all this. I know our relationship will never be like the one I keep picturing, but I just wish it was better than this. I don’t want to be crying alone right now.

He pauses. “I’m sorry,” he repeats. No matter how much he says that, I can’t seem to believe him. “I see now, I’m wrong.”

I don’t know what he means, I don’t want to know. It’s a different kind of pain, this feeling. 

“You want a normal brother, don’t you?”

I guess so, Its more that I want to be a normal brother. I don’t want to be someone he feels the need to compete with all the time, I want to be someone he can laugh with and play video games with and not feel like he’s going up against a machine. 

The pit in my stomach deepens, and it hurts terribly. Like a child would, I reach out and grab his sleeve. He freezes as I do so. I don’t know what to say to him, I’m just desperate and hurt and alone, and he was there.

“…What are you doing? Why are you grabbing me?” I can’t think of a coherent reply. He was there, is all I can think of. Logically I know it’s probably deeper than that. I don’t respond, I can’t let go. If I let go…I don’t want to think about it. 

After a moment, I feel arms wrap around me. He’s hugging me. For whatever reason, he’s hugging me. 

I don’t move, I’m scared if I do, that I’ll hurt him. I don’t want to do that. He exhales. “I don’t know why you keep me around, if I was you I would’ve killed me ages ago.”

Huh. I shrug. I don’t know, I say to him. You’re my brother, and I guess I care about you. That’s why. 

#Idk if I will post this to ao3 since it’s pretty short #Maybe #for now I’m just gonna dump it here lmao #tw suicide #tw injury #writing #< tag in case I do any more random mini fics lol #Toritsuka is also here and he is miserable. Bc it’s the cat gun arc obv he’s unhappy.

[savoytrufflephd]

Let's talk about the title...

Having created this Tumblr for no other purpose than send HIUH (Hand in Unlovable Hand) asks to @thickenmyblood, I figured why not dedicate winter break to fic analysis posts?

So let's start with the title!

How could you possibly be here if you're worried about spoilers, but...

Hand in Unlovable Hand.

At first I was oriented toward the Mountain Goats song (“No Children”), you know how it goes :

I am drowning there is no sign of land you are coming down with me hand in unlovable hand

And throughout the fic's posting, lots of readers have been alternately finding Damen and then Laurent very hard to like (which was an awesome reading experience in and of itself because fanfic doesn’t always tend toward deeply complex characters). So the sort-of-toxic relationship view felt plausible (except I was always going for “appears-toxic-but-is-actually-true-love-and-totally-fixable” because this is make-believe anyway and it’s based on CP, so).

But now I’m thinking, what if the “unlovable” is actually about people who think they are unlovable? And what if that’s not just both Damen and Laurent, but also Nicaise?

So, like, what if what this little family actually has in common – even if Damen appears to have a very different history and Laurent has said they are too different – is their individual fears that no one will ever really love them?

Like Nicaise obviously doesn’t think Damen can actually love the real him and tries to be on his best behavior (even while pushing Damen’s boundaries). And Nicaise seems like he’s doing his level best to drive Laurent away, so that when Laurent eventually abandons him – as he fears - he can pretend that’s what he wanted anyway. 

And Damen has panic attacks about Maxime not because he gives a shit about Maxime but because he’s let Maxime represent the idea that Laurent never really loved Damen, but was just using Damen and moved on quickly and painlessly. And Damen had no mother and had a distant father and a resentful half-brother and he’s only just beginning to believe that chosen family can be real family.

And Laurent completely doesn’t get that Damen has this insecurity because he sees Damen’s life as so normal and charmed.

And, finally, even though our unreliable narrator thinks Laurent has always been in control of everything, including their relationship and entrance into the family formed by Laurent and Nicaise, Laurent’s insecurities (on nearly full display in Chapter 19) have been sprinkled throughout this fic like breadcrumbs.

In the original breakup:

“We’re different. We want different things.” Damen said nothing. The coffee was ashy in his mouth. Dry. “I’ve got Nicaise,” Laurent said, “and I can’t—this is not working. It was never going to work.”

In the overheard conversation with Ancel:

Ancel’s back is all Damen can see. His hair shakes from roots to ends when he tilts his head in Laurent’s direction. “I thought,” he says, slowly, “that you wanted different.” “I did.” “Ugh, Laurent, you’re giving me a headache. What even is the pro—” “I’m not,” Laurent says, louder than before. The shock of sound works like a slap, and Damen wants to move back into the hallway, to scurry to the other bathroom, to leave them alone, but his legs simply won’t take him there. “ I’m not. I’m still—you heard what Nicaise—”

In Laurent's interpretation of the breakup:

“You wanted out,” Laurent says, “so I gave you out.”

But Damen finds Laurent so loveable – and he didn’t ever really talk to Laurent about the effects his abuse – that he can’t understand how unloveable Laurent feels.

So I feel like they three are all so much alike (and so lost in insecurity) that now they’re all talking past each other.

But I also feel like when they come back together in the right way, the family will be so good for each other, damn it!

#captive prince #captive prince fanfic #hiuh #damen x laurent #thickenmyblood #hand in unlovable hand #neither my wife nor child reads this fic and i suck at fandom these days but i NEED to talk about this masterwork #the sad thing is I'm a professor not a student

[tmagpposting]

So, about TMAGP Ep 4

Some theories based on this newest episode. Major spoilers under the cut, so please go listen to it first.

I know there have been a lot of popular theories up to this point that Augustus would be Jonah Magnus, and episode 4 puts a lot more evidence out there that would seem to support this idea.

Here's what I thought was relevant to this theory after listening through the episode twice this morning:

Augustus is voiced by an older man who I don't think we've ever heard before, and we've never heard Jonah's actual voice either, since he's using Elias's voice throughout all of TMA as far as I'm aware. He sounded vaguely like Jurgen Leitner to me, although I think this is just on account of the fact that the VAs sound similar and not indicative of them being the same person or being meant to voice the same character (I didn't catch who voiced him in the credits and I couldn't find it online, if you all know please tell me and I'll update this)*

The incident report is a very old document, with a writing style and tone reminiscent of the old statements/letters to Jonah in the early days of the institute. It seems like it'd be right up Jonah's alley.

The episode revolves around a man succumbing to a dark power and eventually dedicating himself to it (the freaky bloodlust violin vs the Eye) and recruiting a younger man, in this case his relative, to serve this violent power (though probably after his death in this case, unlike with Jonah), which has some parallels to Jonah's recruitment of Jon and the rest of the staff in TMA.

We don't know much about the universe of TMAGP yet, but we know there is a Magnus institute that has aldready been linked to Eye-esque characteristics like paranoia, suspicion, (fatal) curiosity, and eyes as of Ep 1. It is possible that Augustus could be a version of Jonah from the TMAGP universe, rather than the same Jonah we dealt with in TMA.

.JMJ error could stand for some combination of Jon, Martin, and Jonah's initials, given that Chester and Norris also have Jon and Martin's voices.

In the TMA finale, Jon, Martin, and Jonah (though I assumed he was dead at that time) were close to where the fears were sucked out of the world and sent somewhere else, and Jon and Martin may also have ended up in the OIAR's computers in some form.

On the other hand, here's some evidence against Jonah being Augustus:

The other Jonah theory I've seen posits that Jonah took over RedCanary's body when they went down to investigate the ruins of the magnus institute, assuming that "canaries should stay above ground" and the gory photo of eyes was meant to represent RedCanary's eyes having been ripped out and presumably replaced with Jonah's. If you interpret things this way, it makes it less likely that Jonah is in the computers, unless you think both TMA Jonah and a hypothetical TMAGP Jonah are both around at the same time, though this theory is also a little shaky itself since it seems to be based on only a couple pieces of evidence so far. I first saw a post about this from @thermodynamic-comedian though that post says she saw other people discussing it, so please lmk if you know any major contributors to this theory and I will add them in here too.**

The fact that, to take over as the Eye's pupil, it was implied that Jon had to actually kill Jonah, and he was seemingly dead as of the TMA finale. Death was usually a very hard line in TMA except for a few avatars of the End and near-deaths where characters lost some of their agency (and/or humanity depending on your interpretation) to become an avatar instead (which Jonah already was), so him being back after seemingly already having been killed off isn't super plausible unless it's revealed that he didn't actually die in the first place.

It seems like there's enough evidence at this point that this theory definitely feels viable, though there is nothing definitive that I'm aware of, and there are some things that point to other explanations.

I personally (this is now entering pure opinion territory, tread lightly) don't love the idea of Augustus being Jonah, because I'd prefer it to be someone or something new to the series or something otherwise more surprising, rather than the same central antagonist as last time. There certainly are ways they could pull this off well, and bringing him back definitely doesn't tarnish the story on its own, especially since he was a pretty great villain with a lot of his character left more or less ambiguous or untouched by TMA, but it still feels a bit like relying on nostalgia for TMA to flesh out TMAGP's plot and conflict, at least to me. However, all the evidence pointing to it being Jonah could be some kind of red herring to specifically mislead past fans of TMA and set up for a later twist, or we could just be running our minds in circles and drawing conclusions that won't turn out to be relevant to TMAGP so early on. Only time will actually tell, and regardless, I'm really eager to see what happens.

* UPDATE: Augustus is voiced by Tim Fearon, thank you to @lokicat5 for finding that out! We haven't heard him before on this podcast, so he could be either Jonah Magnus's original voice, or a new character entirely.

** UPDATE: I found and reblogged what seems to be the original theory that Jonah killed and took over RedCanary, it's by @vertigala and @doomatix, check out their post it's pretty cool.

#tmagp #the magnus protocol #tmagp spoilers #the magnus protocol spoilers #the magnus archives #tma #the magnus archives spoilers #magpod #tma spoilers #tmagp speculation #tmagp theories #tmagp 04

[the-laughing-lunatic]

Mediscout cute headcanons!!!

(Omg yea I love these guys so much, def one of my main ships. I also rlly like their dynamic in emesis blue but y’know, not very cute. I have a lot of thoughts about these guys so I accidentally made this really long— word count: 1714. Thx for requesting! :3)

Medic x Scout headcanons!

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─── 

☆Platonic☆

Scout’s definitely scared of Medic at first 

I mean, when your coworker mentions plans about putting a baboon uterus inside you you’re gonna be a little on edge

Avoids checkups for so long Medic has to find him and drag Scout himself to the medbay

“Sheiße, you are acting like a little child right now, it is not such a big deal Herr Scout. I am simply going to check a few things.”

“Well I’m sorry if I ain’t too thrilled to have some psycho puttin’ needles or animal parts or whatever in me.”

Medic groaned. “I just need to check your temperature, heart rate, and blood pressure. Now can you please shut your mouth and let me work?”

While he took Scout’s heart rate, both annoyed, Archimedes flew to Scout’s shoulder and nuzzled into the man’s neck

After the checkup Medic sighed and ushered his dove over. “Him? Really Archimedes?” 

The dove cooed. “Well then, I trust your judgement, I suppose I’ll try to be nicer to him.”

After that he did try to be kinder to Scout, staying around him more, listening to what he’s saying at dinner, looking through his room to learn more about him—

That’s not how Scout interpreted it though, and one day when Medic was trailing a little too close to him again he just snapped “Will you fuckin’ cut it out!?”

“Cut what out?”

“This- this weird stalkerish thing you’re doing. What, you makin’ fun of me? You gonna take my organs in the middle of the night? What do you want?”

“Oh. I was trying to be nicer to you. I could stop if you want.”

“If you wanna be nice you could try talkin’ to me for once.”

And Medic did

Both of them are absolute yappers, and Scout quickly got more comfortable with Medic as they talked more

He’ll never forget the first time he saw Medic laugh

Like, genuinely laugh

He’d seen Medic laugh many times before, either on the operating table or during battle but it was always just…scary

When he actually laughed Scout couldn’t help but laugh as well, because Medic’s real laugh was so different of what he had thought of him

It was warm and nice, and suddenly Medic wasn’t just this psycho ex-doctor, he was also his friend

When they go out for drinks Medic often has to carry Scout back to the base because of his incredibly low alcohol tolerance (not that it’s hard though)

Medic would teach Scout how to take care of his birds in the case he was especially busy, Scout’s their godfather now

I feel like they’d also work well in a qpr, though Medic would have to help Scout a little since he’s been comfortable with his asexuality for longer and has probably been in one before

I headcanon them as both on the ace spectrum so I’m gonna delve into that a bit

I feel like Scout is graysexual while Medic is completely sex-repulsed

Scout honestly would’ve thought he was allosexual for the rest of his life until he heard Medic talking about how being ace felt for him

And he was like “huh, I relate to some of that”

Scout definitely has a lot of questions though

“So like- what’s romantic? Cus I don’t wanna take this too far, but you’re my cucumber, or squash— whatever the word is an’ I wanna show that I care about ya.”

“It’s zucchini, Jeremy. And the point of being in a queerplatonic relationship is that we get to make our own rules for what works for us. All you have to do is ask me if you want to try something.”

“Oh, um, well then. Is it okay if I kiss your cheek, doc?”

“Yes, Jeremy, it’s very okay.”

♡

Biggest dorks ever btw

Just so you know

☆Romantic☆

Medic would fall in love (or realize it at least) over something trivial

Accidentally brushing hands, a word of praise after a battle that made Medic especially appreciated, Scout falling asleep on his shoulder at movie night, etc.

It was weird, because Scout was almost the opposite of his type, he was loud, arrogant, and less than intelligent, but he accepted Scout as the outlier

Even though Medic fell first he didn’t initiate it

Though his moral compass was less than straight when it came to advancing the field of medicine, it felt weird to be the one starting anything with a guy nearly 20 years younger than him

He even performed a brain scan on Scout just to double-check his brain was fully developed (surprisingly, it was) so he could feel less weird about his crush

For a long time he just thought of it as an enjoyable distraction, not anything that could go anywhere

Scout liked Ms. Pauling, and Medic was fine with it. He wasn’t even sure if he wanted to date Scout, he just liked the idea of a relationship, and Scout was an attractive man he could project those wants onto.

At least that’s how he reasoned it to himself

The giddy laugh Medic couldn’t help but let out every time he saw him, the way he always made sure to be gentler when he gave Scout his shots, how a Boston accent now equaled attractive in his mind (that didn’t come from Scout though, that’d be ridiculous)

With Scout though, his moment of realization was much less trivial

He was at four health a minute away from the end of the match, desperately trying to keep the blood from the bullet wound in so he wouldn’t have to go to respawn

Getting in respawn at the end of a match was miserable, because you might get stuck in there for hours after so everyone tried to avoid it at all costs

Scout’s eyes widened as he watched his health drop to three, no dispenser in sight

He closed his eyes and mentally prepared himself for sitting in the cold room for god know how long, until he saw a light above him

Holding his medigun, Medic stood above him, and the red glow surrounding him as he healed him made him almost look like an angel, his saviour

A psychotic angel, but an angel nonetheless

He felt Medic grab him by his collar (at what point did his knees go weak?) and say to him “Get up schweinhund, and fight.”

They won the match, at least that’s what Scout heard, he didn’t remember anything after Medic saved him

His entire body was on autopilot until the time he went to bed, when he had all night to think about how he was definitely attracted to guys

He definitely had a type though, regardless of gender

Glasses, dark hair, smarter and more mature than him (though that was a low bar), an itty bitty bit psychotic and have huge honkers— (jk jk jk) 

Scout starts coming to the medbay for the tiniest things now so he can see Medic more

“Medic, I got a splinter” “Medic, my elbow’s sore” “Medic, I have a major crush on you and don’t know what to do with it”

After a bit of this, Scout just gave up excuses, Medic didn’t seem to mind his company

It became routine, after dinner Scout’d follow him to the medbay and talk with him while  Medic filled out paperwork, occasionally giving a nod or short question to let Scout know he was still listening

One night though, Scout didn’t follow him back

Medic was disappointed, he had gotten rather fond of his chatter, but shrugged it off as Scout being tired

After a few minutes of paperwork, there was a knock at the door

He opened it to see a very nervous Scout holding a bouquet of roses

“H- hey doc! Um, y’know, we’ve been hangin’ out for a while, I really like you, and I hope you at least like me a little, so, uh, wanna go on a date sometime? Please?”

Medic just stands there for a solid bit before taking the flowers and smiling. “I’d love to.”

Scout takes him to a nice restaurant (that was definitely his idea and not Spy’s) and pays the bill for the both of them, which was substantial because Medic has a taste for the most expensive things on the menu

And Scout is a hella picky eater

“So like, can I have the steak, but - and stay with me here - you grind it up, grill it, cut one of the rolls in half and add the steak, along with fuckin’ ketchup, mustard, lettuce, pickles—”

“Sir, are you describing a burger to me?”

“...yeah?”

“It’s on the kids menu.”

“Oh. Sweet, then can I have that?”

After the date Medic lets Scout kiss him

They suck I hate them so much I don’t think about them all the time (lying)

Nicknames Scout calls Medic: Doc, Angel, Angelcakes, Babe

Nicknames Medic calls Scout: Hase, Schatz, Liebling, Dear

On the battlefield Scout’s constantly by Medic

“Hey Angelcakes, check this out!” “Didja see that? Didja see that?”

If they have to be separated any time Scout sees him he’ll give Medic a kiss

“Hase you’re at ten health, can you please stop trying to kiss me for a second so I can heal you?” 

“Ugh, fine.”

After he’s done Medic gives Scout a kiss. “Thank you, on your way.”

Clingy ass motherfuckers

Scout’s way more obvious with it than medic though

Medic hardly even has to do anything, they’ll just be talking and Scout’ll notice half-way in the conversation that he’s cuddled up in Medic’s arms

Scout often sits in Medic’s lap as he works, rambling on about some comic he read or whatever.

After a few months of dating Medic only sleeps in Scout’s room

It feels more homey than his, which he admittedly already slept in very little due to his unfortunate habit of passing out at his desk

Nights often consist of Scout cuddled into Medic’s chest while Medic reads aloud to the both of them

(real talk reading together is such an underrated couple activity can we talk about this—)

“ —alright, that’s the end of the chapter. Liebling, are you asleep?”

“Nah, just relaxed. Love you angel.”

“I love you too Jeremy, Goodnight.”

They are the biggest saps ever and I will stand by this until the day I die

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─── 

#tf2 #team fortress 2 #medic tf2 #scout tf2 #scout x medic #quick fix #blunt trauma #mediscout #fanfiction

[blueberry-macaron]

I'm in a salt mode so lets get into this

One of the biggest problems people had with the L//S is how poorly developed it's been and how less effort it has been put into it, And don't get me started how Adrichat and Maribug barely interact basically making the ship have 0 chemistry.

But then when ships like Lukanette and Adrigami came along, then there's some Toxic L//S stans who bash the characters (and doxx lukanette and adrigami shippers), with their only excuse being "ThEy R iN tHe Way of adr///ette/L//s (Mainly because they're insecure that Lukanette/Adrigami has Chemistry, proper development and effort and their ship doesn't)

I'm so sick and tired of the hate that Lukanette/Adrigami gets.

I'm so sick and tired of the hate that Luka/Kagami gets.

I'm so sick and tired of toxic L//S stans projecting their ship on every. single. damn. thing

I'm so sick and tired of seeing Lukanette/Adrigami shippers get d0xxed, threatened and bullied just because they don't ship the L//S or Adr//ette

Yikes, people doxxed each other because of ships?? For some reason I'm not entirely surprised. I've seen fandoms with super toxic people and the ml fandom sure can be toxic as hell. If you (general) get so worked up about people's opinions about characters from a kids show, you should be denied access to the internet and instead have access to tons grass to touch. But yeah, even just "normal hate" can be frustrating and discouraging, so it's best to just block those people. I completely understand your frustration.

Luka//nette isn't good because they were half canon, it's good because they have a meaningful bond and the root for drama is always outside circumstances and not the fact that they fundementally don't work together. If Mari wasn't Ladybug, they probably wouldn't have split up. That's why I love this ship so much. Besides, they never got in the way of anything. Realistically, no ship can get in the way of a confirmed endgame ship bc, well, it's endgame. So this argument is kind of falls flat (honestly most arguments against Luka//nette I've heard were either not really important or kind of a very outlandish interpretation of their relationship, I don't care about either.)

Heck, even if Luka//nette wasn't the rival ship but just friends in canon who interacted twice, who cares? Shipping isn't supposed to be serious, it's exploring different dynamics between characters and having fun putting them in different scenarios and have them have 6176310278 different first kisses. There's no rule that you have to be on board with the canon ship.

Now speaking of L//S developement (bc now I'm also in a salty mood and I have thoughts)

I and many others have already talked about how s1-4 didn't really do much with them. But I find it funny when people say that s5 did a great job developing they're relationship because... bitch where? I've watched season 5 (I have no self respect) and everything was confusing and over the place and I think that's bc the writers can't make up their minds about which problems the L//S might face actually matter and how they can be solved.

The season starts with Mari making a big deal about how loving Adrien is dangerous because hero stuff. Oh but actually it doesn’t matter, she likes CN now, problem solved! Oh wait no Chat friendzoned her and Adrien is pushing real hard for Adr//nette so they give up their fucking miraculous (in times of crisis I might add), problem solved! No wait, actually the new heroes suck so they take them back, but that’s okay bc being in love and being a superhero at the same time is actually no longer a problem for some reason! The actual problem is that Mari is incapable of expressing herself because she has trauma. And THAT’S the real shit because fucking everybody gets so invested they organize literal dates for them and watch from a distance until they smooch instead of, oh idk, letting them do things their own way. But actually that also doesn't matter anymore bc Zoe just confessed and Mari was so inspired she immediately ran to Adrien. Oh but Adrien is a senti without free will and he goes to england soon whoopsie. Also Gabriel and Tomoe are now Adri//gami shippers because of course we need an arranged marriage deal type of plot. Oh yeah there's also something about Monarch apparently having all the miraculouses but who cares amirite

See what I mean? There's no structure, no actually overcoming problems, it's just random shit happening without any connection to the previous random shit. The characters don't develop in a meaningful way. Mari's only life goal is making one cohesive sentence in front of Adrien and he's kind of just there. I mean he could maybe feel inspired by Marinette's passion for arts and crafts and try out some stuff or he could continue to have no direction in life. Yes, as a teen it's hard knowing what you want to do later in life, but Adrien doesn't even really have actual hobbies he can define himself through. The writers fail not only to develop the relationship as a whole but also the characters involved as people. They could as easily be a situationship where they meed every two days to make out and it wouldn't change anyting. It's just fan service here and there combined with shallow and forgettable dialogue (I think, there wasn't a conversation that stick with me at least) and idk this maybe works as a first love that maybe lasts for a year before they have a dramatic break up and then move on with their lives, But the show tries to sell this idea that the square will actually stay together forever (or have a constant toxic on-off thing bc that's the vibe I'm getting. Plus Bunnyx sort of implied that).

#ask #honeyblossom-20 #ml salt #love square salt #I can't really say much about Adr//gami since I don't really care for the ship that much #they're not bad but I kinda wish the show would've taken them into a different direction