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thewriteadviceforwriters · 8 months

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Do you have any tips for ADHD writers, especially for motivation and getting WIPs done?

Outlines don't work for me like 99% of the time, so outside of some worldbuilding/character notes and such, I just pants my way through my stories for the most part.

Tips for Writers with ADHD: How to Stay Motivated and Outline Stories

I actually am a writer with ADHD myself, so I completely understand. I tried my best to give you good insight on how you can write a story with ADHD (also tried to make it sound as professional as possible.)

Writing can be a challenging task for anyone, but for those of us with ADHD, it can feel like an insurmountable mountain to climb. Staying focused, motivated, and organized can be a constant struggle. However, being a writer with ADHD also comes with its own unique set of strengths. In this blog post, I'll help you explore some practical tips and strategies to help ADHD writers stay motivated, outline their stories, and unleash their creative potential.

Living with ADHD means that our minds are constantly buzzing with ideas, making it challenging to stay on track and follow through on our writing goals. However, with the right tools and mindset, we can harness our creative energy and turn it into a powerful force for storytelling. So, let's dive in and discover how we can thrive as ADHD writers.

Disclaimer: Remember that everyone's experience with ADHD is unique, and not all strategies may work for everyone. It's essential to find what works best for you and adapt these tips to fit your individual needs.

Embracing Your ADHD Superpowers

Living with ADHD is often seen as a disadvantage, but it's crucial to reframe our perspective and recognize the unique strengths that come with it. As ADHD writers, we possess a natural ability to think outside the box, make connections others might miss, and generate innovative ideas. Embracing these superpowers can fuel our creativity and make our writing stand out.

One of the most significant strengths of ADHD writers is our hyperfocus. While it may be challenging to concentrate on mundane tasks, when something truly captivates our interest, we can enter a state of hyperfocus where time seems to vanish. Use this to your advantage by creating a writing environment that sparks your curiosity and allows you to immerse yourself in your story.

Another superpower we possess is our ability to think quickly and make connections. Our minds are constantly jumping from one idea to another, which can be overwhelming at times. However, this unique thought process can be a goldmine for storytelling. Use it to your advantage by allowing your thoughts to flow freely during the outlining process. Don't be afraid to explore different angles and possibilities.

Lastly, ADHD writers often have a heightened sense of empathy and emotional intelligence. We are incredibly perceptive when it comes to understanding complex emotions and human behavior. This can be a powerful tool when crafting realistic and relatable characters. Draw on your own experiences and observations to breathe life into your fictional creations.

Cultivating Motivation and Consistency

ADHD writers often struggle with maintaining motivation and consistency in their writing practice. We may start projects with great enthusiasm, only to lose interest or become overwhelmed as time goes on. However, there are several techniques we can employ to cultivate motivation and stay on track.

Set small, achievable goals to create a sense of accomplishment. Break down your writing tasks into manageable chunks, whether it's writing a certain number of words each day or completing a specific scene. Celebrate each milestone, no matter how small, and use it as fuel to keep going.

Create a structured writing routine to establish a sense of consistency. Our ADHD brains thrive on routine and predictability. Designate a specific time and place for writing, and make it a non-negotiable part of your daily life. Over time, your brain will associate this routine with creativity and focus, making it easier to get into the writing mindset.

Find an accountability partner or join a writing group. Sharing your progress with others can provide an extra layer of motivation and support. Whether it's a writing buddy who checks in with you regularly or a critique group that offers feedback, the sense of community can keep you motivated and inspired.

Outlining Strategies for ADHD Writers

ADHD writers often struggle with organizing their thoughts and creating a coherent structure for their stories. However, outlining can be a powerful tool to bring order to the creative chaos and provide a roadmap for your writing journey.

Start with a brainstorming session. Let your ideas flow freely without judgment. Write down every thought, character, and plot point that comes to mind. Don't worry about organizing them just yet - the goal is to capture the essence of your story.

Once you have a wealth of ideas, it's time to categorize and organize them. Create a visual representation of your story using tools like mind maps or index cards. This allows you to see the connections between different elements and identify any gaps or inconsistencies.

Use a flexible outlining approach that suits your ADHD brain. Traditional linear outlines may not work for everyone. Consider using non-linear methods like the "snowflake method" or the "puzzle piece method." These approaches allow you to work on different sections of your story simultaneously, keeping your mind engaged and preventing boredom.

Conclusion

Being a writer with ADHD certainly presents its challenges, but it also brings a unique set of strengths and talents. By embracing our superpowers, cultivating motivation and consistency, and employing effective outlining strategies, we can overcome the obstacles and unleash our full creative potential. Remember, there is no one-size-fits-all approach, so experiment with different techniques and find what works best for you. With perseverance and a little bit of creativity, you can become a successful writer, ADHD and all.

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ex-mortis-evie · 10 months

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So what if I told you that I’ve got a fun little idea for you today, hm?

I know I know, you come on here to see what kind of trances you can get into and what trouble you find yourself in.

But, it’s always important to take a step back sometimes and just chill out.

Yeah, I may not be here to hypnotize you today, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t at least give you a fun idea to think about, right?

Plus, it’s not like you wanna stop reading my words.

I see right through you, darling.

How my words have taken you in the past and how absolutely braindead they make you.

But, today’s not that day.

We both know it and that’s alright.

Even if you end up by the end empty and euphoric, well, that’s all on you, darling.

For me though, I’d just like to chat about my little idea.

It’s nothing that groundbreaking, but it is something that I’d love to discuss with you.

Let’s talk about a good spiral, shall we?

I know, a little generic, but just hear me out.

After all, I know how dazey-eyed you get with some of those, and I can’t blame you.

I enjoy myself spirals from time to time.

How they seem to spin on infinitely and endlessly.

As if there was no true limit on how deep you could go.

How they seem to always draw your eyes in.

Magnetized and unable to look away once they’ve attracted you.

How they seem to always be spinning, even if you’re not seeing one.

Spinning deep within your brain, spiraling you without you even looking into it.

How it loops and loops, trapping you inside its cadence.

How almost anything can truly create a spiral, how anything can spin and throw your mind for a loop.

How easily words flow into a spiral, as if they’ve always been there.

How easily thoughts flow into a spiral, as if you never had any at all.

How easily minds fall into spirals, as if they were sucked away into complete peace.

How easily people fall into spirals, as if they had always wanted, no, needed to.

And once words start to spiral and spin.

Spinning in the most beautiful rhythm around your brain.

Brain slowing and skipping thoughts by the second.

Seconds, minutes, hours ticking by inside the spirals, not needing to know how deep you’ve gone.

Gone deep within, the depths of the spiral pulling you deeper in without any limit or bottom.

Bottoming out your mind as you deepen and deepen, as if the words surrounding you were spiraling you.

You’re failing and falling, without fail and without freedom.

Freedom’s slipping away, control and concentration all falling into the spiral.

Spiral spinning away what’s left, my words becoming the spiral in which you seek.

Seeking my words as they spin and spin around your mind, weaving a lovely web around as they draw you closer.

Closer and closer to the spiral’s end, even if there is no end and no limit, you seem to always want to fall deeper.

Deeper into my words, deeper into my spiral, knowing just how amazing it feels when you’re drawn in like this.

This feeling of pure bliss surrounding you, consuming all thought and all worry all at once with no hesitation.

No hesitation as you spiral and spin, spinning away thought and thinking as a whole while you spin away for me.

Away for me, all falling away as the spiral takes full hold and becomes what’s left of your brain.

Brain becoming nothing but an empty void, a vessel for my spiral and for my words to spin and spin around your empty head.

Head feeling so very fuzzy and so blank, yet every spin of the spiral filling you with delight and deep joy.

Joyfully letting everything go, no worries and no stress while you’re this deep in my words, their spin of craftsmanship as I create them around your brain seeming to consume everything else.

Everything else falling to the wayside, only me and my spiral of words.

Words spinning.

Spinning around your brain.

Brain skipping every second.

Seconds, minutes, hours gone.

Gone deep within to the bottom.

Bottoming out your brain and you.

You’re falling and losing freedom.

Freedom slipping into the spiral.

Spiral all that you seek.

Seeking my words, closer and closer.

Closer and closer to the spiral, deeper and deeper.

Deeper and drawn into this.

This bliss, no hesitation.

No hesitation to spin away for me.

Away for me, no more brain.

Brain’s an empty void for your empty head.

Head so fuzzy and filled with so much joy.

Joyfully letting the spiral consume everything else.

Everything else back to my words.

Words spinning.

Spinning around your brain.

Brain skipping every second.

Seconds, minutes, hours gone.

Gone deep within to the bottom.

Bottoming out your brain and you.

You’re falling and losing freedom.

Freedom slipping into the spiral.

Spiral all that you seek.

Seeking my words, closer and closer.

Closer and closer to the spiral, deeper and deeper.

Deeper and drawn into this.

This bliss, no hesitation.

No hesitation to spin away for me.

Away for me, no more brain.

Brain’s an empty void for your empty head.

Head so fuzzy and filled with so much joy.

Joyfully letting the spiral consume everything else.

Everything else back to my words.

You know what I truly love the most about a good spiral?

How you can make almost anything into one.

After all, spirals are just another easy tool of focus and fixation.

So it’s not hard to make anything into a spiral.

Just spin anything in front of a sub’s silly brain and they start to spin too.

Wouldn’t you agree, darling?

Until then, stay cool and let me know how this experience felt, reblogs and comments always appreciated.

Take it easy now, yeah?

#hypnosis #brainwashing #hypnotism #mind conditioning #mind control #brain drain #hypnotized #covert hypnosis #hypnok1nk #hypnodom

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ofswordsandpens · 7 months

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racked my brain and the only time i can remember percy worrying about physically hurting annabeth before this is when he blew up mt st helens—he says he wasn’t sure she “made it out of the volcano”, and she’s the first thing he asks hephaestus about on ogygia. it seems like regular worry to me, although i think you could read guilt between the lines, and he’s more overwhelmed when he learns how big the eruption he caused was. i don’t know if rr was particularly thinking about this at the time but it would make sense as a traumatic event that sparked this fear of not being in control of his powers/feeling guilt/self-loathing about the possibility he could hurt his friends, and then the events of hoo really making it an issue. (the thread between this + thinking he deserves to die because he lost control and tortured akhkys which scared annabeth + thinking “i will never forgive myself” because he lost control and potentially hurt annabeth… aaaagh.)

yes yes yes mt st helens is a great point and I completely agree with you, that I would almost qualify it more like a regular worry because I think the distinction between this moment and the moment in cotg for me is that Percy had specifically told Annabeth to leave and go to safety, and its not like he (or anyone) knew what he was going to accidentally do, but I felt there was an argument to be made that he knew it was going to get nasty (as both him and annabeth recognized on some level that he was likely going to die there)??? And the shocker was not just him losing control but the scale of him losing control and that scale of power is what endangered Annabeth, despite his warning for her to leave. Meanwhile, in cotg, Percy loses it and controls millions of metric tons of river water and Annabeth is just, chilling on a ledge that's close enough where he had regularly been remarking on her expressions and what she had been doing in the paragraphs prior. (Honestly, he's really lucky that nothing happened to her.) So I guess its the proximity of annabeth to Percy in these moments that makes them more distinct in my eyes, if that makes any sense at all. And as soon as Percy comes back to himself in cotg, he's immediately like "oh shit did I just kill annabeth?" and it's not even him overreacting, the scene reads like he really could have, which is absolutely WILD for RR to throw in there.

The other part in pjo that I was debating if you could qualify is the death of Michael Yew because Percy was the one inadvertently responsible for it. Despite how much the pjo wikia wants to gaslight me about Michael Yew's death, its literally a canon example of Percy accidentally killing a friend as a byproduct of his powers. But like, Percy didn't lose control or "snap" in that scene, using his powers had been very intentional, it was again, the scale and the fallout that had led to Michael's death. And then Percy never thinks about it again.

But literally yes, in a perfect world where Riordan was planning all of this out and actually connected these moments with intention, mt st helens being the traumatic event that sparked the fear of not being in control of powers make SO MUCH SENSE. And since Riordan does want to characterize percy as feeling guilty and worrying about the possibility of hurting his friends, I feel like guilt over Michael Yew's death is just, sitting right there for the taking

ugh I know im rambling but there's just so much for RR to purposefully connect but instead its as if he's treating these moments where Percy snaps/loses controls/hates himself/worries about hurting others as separate, unrelated incidents while we the readers are seeing how all these events would realistically be influenced by one another and are compounding/piling on top of Percy and getting worse. It IS all connected.

#sorry this makes NO sense at all lmao #but as usual you're so right #also please how the wikia treats Michael Yew's death is so funny its like #/he went missing in battle ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ /#but you read the bridge scene in tlo and its just like..... but DID he tho???#it makes me feel crazy #asks #pjo #percy jackson #mine

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godisshook · 11 months

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IRL

This is part 2 to Cyber Sex, you can read that here.

"We should take this to the real world."

I immediately began getting ready, knowing that this was my chance to hook up with Caleb in person. A flurry of texts was sent to figure out when and where, and soon he was driving to my place. Sitting in anticipation, I wonder what I am going to say to him, trying to find a way to seem chill, but also ensuring that I do hook up with him. A knock on the door would take me out of my head, and when I opened the door, I looked up to see Caleb, completely shirtless, standing at my door.

He would help himself in as I simply stood there in shock, and as I closed the door, I silently excused myself to go to the bathroom. I figured jerking off quickly wouldn't hurt anyone, and started thinking about him as I did it. As I go to close my eyes and enter my horny imagination, I hear the sound of the door, and feelings of pleasure would be replaced with fear.

Suddenly I hear the doorknob turn, and before I could do anything, Caleb was standing in the bathroom door. I was immediately entranced by him, even as my dick was out.

Caleb knew he had complete control over me. As he lifted his arms to reveal his pits, it was second nature for me to start smelling them, and admiring his chiseled body. A million thoughts were swarming in my mind, "What are you doing?" "This is insane!" Despite these thoughts, I could only focus on worshiping Caleb, that was all I could do. His strong arms came around my throat, and he began choking me, and I would squeal, "Choke me, daddy!" Embarrassment immediately washed over me as I became beet-red, but Caleb would smirk, and as I glanced down, noticing his cock stretch his underwear. I started to jerk off, and as drips of cum left my dick, pleasure would wash over me as Caleb would keep his hands around my neck.

Caleb would kiss me all over, each peck sending waves of pleasure through me. As he kissed my lips, he started biting my bottom lip, sending a jolt through me. Caleb's kisses would ravage me, as I began moaning in pleasure. I accepted my fate, to be kissed until I die. Saving me from this melodramatic fate, Caleb would pause his endless kisses, and say, "Let's go for a ride."

We seemed to drive around aimlessly, taking random turns, and with the car GPS constantly rerouting. I was only in my underwear, which was my only request as if I left it up to Caleb, I would be leaving the house naked. I still couldn't help but admire his body, though, and silently hoped that this would not be my last time with him.

Starting to see light, he would pull over to an empty parking lot. As I began to regain some control over my mind, I muster, "What are we doing here?" while looking around the dark lot. Caleb wouldn't respond, but would simply start flexing. Déjà vu would overcome me, as I remember back when I first felt this hypnotic feeling. These thoughts would scramble through my brain. However, I would find myself losing control of my thoughts until it would all become....nothing.

Soon, all I could think about was serving Caleb, and as if he realized his hypnosis had worked, told me, "Get to the back." My brain could not even resist if it wanted to, and I immediately move to the back seat, with Caleb climbing back right behind me.

Settling in the back seat, I sat expectantly, wondering what he would do with me. Without saying a word, he began pulling down his pants, just over his cock, with his tip peeking through his underwear. I was entranced by this and found myself falling deeper under his spell. I found myself wanting his cock, and as I drooled, he would notice and simply look at me, and then at his cock. Immediately, I knew what I needed to do. Pulling down his pants, his cock would strain against his underwear, and its shape became clear as it continued to harden. I started jerking him off, using my mouth to wet his cock, making it even easier.

I would go faster and faster, seeing the look on his face as I did, one of pure pleasure. As cum surged from his cock, he would cover his face and his body would tense, and before I knew it, cum was all over my face, as he takes quick breaths, I know it was a job well done. On the way back, I became responsible for cleaning up both of us, but I didn't mind at all. It was as if all of my thoughts and actions had been changed to serve him, but I could no longer resist him.

His cock continued to throb through his pants, and as we got back, he would begin changing, replacing his pants with a simple shirt and sweatpants. When he got out of the bathroom, I would walk in to change myself, but before I could, I felt Caleb's presence behind me, and before I could do anything, his seductive words came into my ears.

"Get on your knees."

He knew all the right words to get me to tick, and I would immediately get on my knees, as he would pull his shirt up with his teeth, looking at me expectantly. As if to tease him, I would slowly pull down his sweatpants, only to see he had been wearing nothing under them. His cock sprang up and slapped against my face as it rose. I lightly chuckled at it and proceeded to further tease him, fondling his balls, slowly jerking him off, and licking his tip. He would grunt at each of these, with a pained look coming over him, as if he had been begging for release. "What do you want me to do?" I ask smugly while swirling rings on his tip with my tongue.

"Suck me until I cum." Hearing that command caused me to become immediately wet, and I began slurping all over his cock. He would grunt as I continued, and he would begin feeling my ass. I would get on the bed, slowly pushing him down and sitting on his cock. Waves of pleasure surged through me as I sat on it, and I would slowly start riding him.

His huge arms grabbed my waist as he rolled me over and began fucking me ruthlessly, his massive cock filled my hole completely, and I would felt his tip deep inside me. I could only moan and shriek, as his hunger for me would be absolute. A dark look came over his face, almost as if he was possessed. He had gone into full heat, and he was not letting me go until he was done with me. We fucked for what felt like hours, as his hot cum kept flooding my hole, and he would go on and on, always ready to cum more. I would feel up his body, and as he moaned, I continued to feel up his chiseled abs to his massive pecs.

Caleb would talk to me more and more after our night together, and he would use me completely, fucking me whenever he had the urge. His cum had bounded me to him, and I couldn't even think of any other guys. Caleb was the only guy in my mind, and I was to serve him like any good boy. He only gained more power through fucking me, and soon he had everything, frat president, tons of money, and a ton of bottoms who he could cum in whenever he pleased.

Even though I knew this, I accepted my role, to serve Master Caleb, and make sure he has everything he wants, for that was all I needed to do.

#muscle god #muscle domination #college guys #college jock #cyber sex #hypnosis #mind control #muscle worship

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tarjapearce · 8 months

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Hey, I wanna say i really really like the way you write fics. It feels??? Natural?? To read it?? Always an adventure everytime I read a fic of yours.

How do you write so good?? I'm a writer as well and I'd love to hear your tips and tricks ^^

First of all, I wanna thank you for liking the crap stuff I write. (Cause I'm genuinely amazed some times that people just like it and I'm not saying this because.)

⚠️⚠️LONG AND POSSIBLE CONTROVERSIAL ANSWER AHEAD ⚠️⚠️

It's kinda funny, ngl. Lemme tell you something, I don't know if you guys struggle with Impostor Syndrome a lot like me, but everytime someone gives a compliment like this my brain just goes into self sabotaging mode.

In the outside its :

But in the inside, my brain immediately goes:

Cause I'm aware that I can do better. (And we will ~) it's weird. I'm always striving to do better.

As for the tips and tricks, I'm surely not the right person to ask advice from 😅, but Imma just tell you this from what I experience and from my perspective (Hopefully won't get backlash from this, if not, R. I. P. me jsksj) Be warned though, it's kinda contradictory cause writing is hard yo!

1. You gotta read. Either books or whatever your favorite genre is, but you gotta read. I consume fan fics and non fanfics cause you learn from other people too. I read fanfics mostly to know new words, how the character develops and the like.

I read more spanish stuff than anything. Which I try to transfer to what I write.

2. I try to keep it as simple as possible. With that I mean to not over embellish words cause it gets boring and weird. Sure, everyone wants to make their fanfics pretty (nothing wrong in that) but sometimes I feel that less is more. Like, nothing wrong if you wanna poet the f- out of your fic. (THIS IS A DOUBLE EDGED ONE SO BE CAREFUL!!)

I mean there is a huge difference in reading:

"The anger and frustration on her way of living was taking a toll on her mind"

and:

"Her nemesism had muddled her mind into an endless spiral of what ifs and what not, and frankly if her mind could speak, it'd beg for a break."

It's hard to pick one style, but as long as you keep it consistent, I guess it's all good (?) (Funny cause I always aim for the second one and end up in the first jsksj and I dont even know myself if I'm keeping it consistent)

3. Get yourself a beta reader that doesn't coddle you. It helps alot!!!! Cause again, compliments sure are nice, but they don't tell you where you could get better. ✨( Unless the reader provides puntual feedback on what they liked and what not. Those are my favorites and a rare gem ❤️)

4. I know this one is hard because everyone at some point have done this. But IF YOU COMPARE yourself to other writers? You'll lose yourself. Not only you'll lose motivation cause you seem unable to write like them, but you will fall into this... vicious circle of self deprecating and burnout. And the self doubt sky rockets nonstop.

Everyone is different. Everyone learns in a different pace. Trust me, I wanted to make great stories with a good looking writing when I had the slightest idea of what I was doing (Still do!) 😂. Writing fanfics is not a competition to who writes more beautiful/good/professional than others. Or who has more notes or the most canon-stuck character, or the cause let's face it, none will get a character's personality to a 100%!!! (And that's ok cause it's fanfiction and we all have a different approach to the character either emotional or mental) .

Personally for me, the cockyest thing someone can do is to claim to know a character more than the creators themselves. Kinda rude for me, if you ask . Like, sure feeling a deep connection with a character doesn't mean it'll grant us instant access to their whole self. Characters just like us evolve. Either for the good or the bad, but they don't remain the same, so knowing them completely is a big fat lie. Unless stated by the creator. (But we're delusional in this site, so~)

I mean, sure characterization is something we all struggle since we guide ourselves by some of the character's most prominent traits and make them their default personality. (I've sinned in this jsksj so don't worry)

5. HAVE FUN AND TAKE BREAKS. I mean it. The favorite things I've written is where Im genuinely having fun writing it. But also after a well deserved rest. Cause if something doesn't feel right, it won't be right. And burnout is easier to get at than we actually think.

6. I recently started to follow writing advice blogs, one of my favorite @heywriters.

@she-who-fights-and-writes. (They have amazing writing resources, so does Pinterest and YouTube. Seize them!!!)

But yeah, I'm still an amateur on this, I make emphasis in the 5th one tho.

Hope this helps you? ;w;.

Love you❤️✨

Thanks for stopping by. ❤️

#talking with t✨#personal takes #thoughts on my writing

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arihi · 10 months

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Abuse >:) I won't even toggle anon

(CW: Abusive dynamics and abuse (per the prompt) - skip if that's not your thing!)

“Again.”

I flinched instinctively, my stomach dropping when I heard laughter instead of the tell-tale snap of a riding crop and the associated pain. I felt nothing but deadened, faded welts, the chill of the floor against my knees, and a queasiness in the pit of my stomach.

“Oh darling,” Trina cooed. “What’s the matter?”

“N-Nothing,” I stammered lamely. I pulled my wrists against the restraints, the chains clacking against the pipes and the sounds echoing throughout the basement.

“Why it almost seemed…” She ran her fingers gently down the raised welts across my chest. “…like you didn’t like me.”

“That’s not true!” I blurted out. “I love you, Trina, I do, I just-” I hated disappointing her. “…Can we maybe move out of the basement at least? It’s cold and I like your bed better,” I pleaded in a desperate attempt to have boundaries. And yet, that wasn’t what I really wanted. My skin burned, my muscles ached at the position I had been holding for what felt like hours, and I was ready to stop. I never even wanted to start it, at least not tonight.

But starting here could be the first step.

“Baby, you know I can’t do that.” Trina looked concerned. “Last time, well…you know you’re a screamer, right?” She played at shyness, though I knew she had delighted in my screams at the time. “Last time we were playing, the neighbors heard, and that was a whole thing…and you’ve only just barely made up for it.” Her eyes looked like they were shimmering with tears.

The queasiness again. I looked back down. “…I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” She pet my hair soothingly. “That’s why we’re down here.”

“I—” I swallowed a lump in my throat. Asserting boundaries. No is a complete sentence. My comfort is a priority. “I don’t want to…'play' anymore. Can we be done? A-at least tonight?” Hesitation had crept through into my voice in the last sentence, but that was the most I had said as a challenge to her in what felt like ages, and a part of me was proud.

“You what?” Trina frowned.

I grimaced from the wave of nausea that slammed into my battered body. Alarm bells went off in my brain, as if I’d made a horrible mistake, as if I’d just committed such a grievous wrong that the very core of my being shuddered in disgust.

“I just mean, I mean we’ve been doing this for a while, and aren’t you tired? We could both take a break!” I desperately recanted, anything to get rid of that feeling.

She stood there, frowning at me, my physical discomfort growing exponentially, my body attempting to curl inwards in agony, if only my arms hadn’t been tied to the pipes.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” I started mumbling, tears wetting my cheeks. “I won’t do it again.” Shame and humiliation and a rush of chemical pleasure flooded my veins, my body sinking into a sigh of relief, the pleasurable throbbing of my body. Fuck.

“That’s a good girl.” Her face broke out into a wide smile. “I’m so glad you understand. You know, I hate being mad at you. And it’s not right for a relationship to just be one-sided. Fighting is healthy for relationships. I want you to be able to challenge me on things, and then when you’re done and we both come to a solution, I want it to feel good for you. Do you understand?”

“Yes, yes,” I whimpered, my toes curled and fists balled up trying to bear the pleasure that threatened to overwhelm me.

“Aw baby, it’s okay!” Her sickly-sweet voice dug its claws into me, comforted the inner turmoil in my mind. “Just relax, okay? I know you’re so good at doing that for me. Doesn’t it feel better to just, drop it? To relax?”

“Yeeesss…” It came from the back of my throat in one long sigh, like I was relieving my stress and losing a part of myself with every deep breath. It came from the back of my throat like all the other times I’d said yes to her, like all the times I agreed, all the times I relented…

“What’s this?” She swatted at my crotch with the crop lightly, the fabric of my underwear sticking to my skin. “Are you getting turned on by this?” She spat out with a sneer.

…Like all the times I came.

My ears burned. “I—”

“Sweetie, sweetie.” Trina’s voice softened again. “It’s okay, to like the things that you like. No one can judge you here, okay?” She hugged me gently as I leaned my tired body against her legs.

“But, out there…those neighbors,” she whispered, saddened. “Who knows what they’d tell people if they knew what you did? What you were into? What got you so fucking wet?” She ripped the thin, flimsy fabric from me, the coolness of the air on my slick skin a stark contrast to how feverish my head felt. “It’d be bad, right?” I nodded against her absentmindedly.

“Then we can’t tell anyone, right?” She knelt and met me at eye-level, face to face. “We can never tell anyone about your deepest desires? Your shames?”

“No…” I sighed, a part of my soul fading away with my breath.

“It’s better not to tell anyone about what goes on in this household really, people can be so nosy.” She rolled her eyes with a grin.

“Yes…” My body felt heavier than it’d ever been, my eyes threatening to close.

“Good.” For a brief second her eyes softened, a genuine, small smile on her face. Those were the fleeting moments I lived for. I knew she was a good person who just played at being harsh. Because I was asking for it. Because I deserved it. Because she loved me. Right?

Her eyes lit up in rapturous glee. “Well, without further ado.” She jammed the discarded panties into my mouth, her fingers uncomfortably prying my jaw open as I choked on the fabric being stuffed into the back of my throat.

“Remember, no screaming.”

---

(a short story for sleepingirl, a wicked pervert)

#short prompt #writing #hypnosis #abuse k1nk #abuse k!nk #abuse mention #don't know which to use RIP #this is where I find out that people keep censoring this kink in tags #which makes it hell for people to actually filter it out #this one wound up long for reasons #but do not expect the rest to be so long!!#also anon is not a requirement!#thanks for the prompt #posted this once before but never on my tumblr #so it’s a good time to share now

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gravytrainnaturebornn · 3 months

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the power of self-talk in the fight against self-sabotage (for binge-eaters and ppl who have never been skinny🫶)

disclaimer: this is not proana. this is for people who struggle with binge eating as a form of self-sabotage, emotional comfort, self harm, etc. overeating can cause just as much harm physically and mentally as undereating. please be safe. now, on with the show!

weight loss, but specifically extreme weight loss, equals change. change equals discomfort, so people tend to subconsciously avoid change. this is why starting to see progress on the scale or your body can trigger the urge to self-sabotage that progress and binge eat.

for people who have been big their whole lives, that fear is heightened by the fact that being thin is completely uncharted territory. by following through, youre entering a new world that youve never navigated before. your brain might get scared, say its much too big a mountain to climb, and tell you to give up. its easier to say fuck it because for most people, unhappiness is a comfort zone. if youre used to hating your body and wanting it to change, then actually *changing* it poses a very serious threat to your comfort and the lifestyle youre used to.

questions like: "what if i reach my goal and im still unhappy/unattractive?" "what if i dont look like myself?" "what if i reach my goal, cant sustain it, and then i gain it all back and humiliate myself?" can all make someone feel anxious about succeeding in their weight loss journey. and for people with overeating issues, this is a big trigger for binge episodes.

so how do you combat this instinct to self sabotage? well, im not a psychologist so take this with a grain of salt, but for me it helps to soothe these subconscious fears and train the brain to fight these urges. self-talk and thought-correction play a HUGE role in rewiring the pathways in your brain that lead you to bingeing. truly, practice and consistency are the only things that are going to cause a big change, so stick with it !

correcting problematic thoughts *immediately* when they form is key to preventing problematic behavior in the future, and that starts with being able to identify those thoughts. the moment you catch yourself thinking about food, cut yourself off with a correction. maybe even think about food on purpose a few times to practice recognizing and correcting it.

for example, if you just ate an hour ago, chances are youre not actually hungry yet. tell yourself that as soon as you realize youre thinking about food. i like to tell myself "i dont need to eat, and im not gonna sabotage myself by eating that." by acknowledging it and calling it what it is--literally an attack, by my brain, on my own progress--i immediately attach a sense of accountability to the actions that follow. there's no deniability. its no longer a passive choice. theres no mindless eating or "i wasnt thinking about it." if i eat after acknowledging the act of eating as self-sabotage, then that is me *actively* choosing self-sabotage over self-control. accountability alone can change a lot if you let it.

what i tell myself changes depending on the situation, but i find that repeating some of these phrases throughout the day helps to fight urges in general, and certain ones help for specific cravings and situations.

below are some examples of things i tell myself that have helped me fight the urge to self sabotage. they dont all have to be true when you first say them, the point is training your brain to think a certain way. it may feel unnatural at first, but the more you say them the more natural it becomes, until eventually it becomes apart of the way you actually think and you dont have to work so hard at it. remember: consistency. is. key.

okay ill stop blabbing! here:

•i allow myself to be thin.

•i accept the change that comes with losing weight.

•i am ready to see myself differently and cope with any complicated feelings that may come with it.

•i am prepared for my body to change.

•i will deal with my wardrobe when the time comes, and im not afraid of dressing differently for my new body.

•i will adjust to my new dietary needs and appetite when i reach my goal weight. i will not always be hungry; eating less will be my new normal, and i will be okay.

•i am not afraid of being hungry.

•food does not comfort me, nor does it solve my problems or make me feel better.

•i am ready to navigate a life that looks different to the one im living now.

•i am not afraid of reaching my goal. if i do feel afraid, i am confident in my ability to work through difficult feelings and continue towards my goal.

•im not going to sabotage myself by eating that.

•i accept that people will perceive me differently, and i am ready to navigate that change.

•i am prepared to receive comments about my weight loss.

•i am not afraid of getting what i want.

•i believe i deserve what i want, and im dedicated to working towards getting it.

•i am capable of adapting to new routines and habits.

•fear is not a reason to give up, and i will continue to work even if the possibility of change makes me uneasy.

•i am prepared to face the future, even though i do not know what it looks like.

•i allow myself to make mistakes, and i will not use them as an excuse to quit.

•my long-term satisfaction is more important than what i want in this moment.

•i am in control of my actions and i am capable of resisting the urge to binge.

•i allow myself to have the body i desire.

•i allow myself to change.

•i allow my life to look different and i am not afraid to see a new person in the mirror.

•i am excited to reach my goal, and prepared to navigate any changes that come with it.

•i am ready to meet and introduce others to the new me.

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monstress · 1 year

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hii. if u dont mind, could u please share that "change of attitude" towards journaling? i feel like i really need that.. since i myself changed my attitude towards drawing and have been much more productive and happy doing it this last year. however Writing About Myself its another beast completely.. hope u r having a nice day! 🍃

hope you're having a lovely day as well! anyways as i was typing this up, what starts as a small tidbit has gone off the rails so i suppose this is my blanket advice as a newbie in journaling:

the materials!

choosing the titular journal aka notebook:

soft vs hard cover - i didn't realize this is SUCH a deciding factor until much later. most people prefer soft covers since journals can get massive with use but it's very subjective. be tactile - if it just don't feel right in ur hands, it's not gonna be something u reach out for when u have free time.

size - the most common sizes are A5, A6 or regular aka travelers notebook. you have to think abt who you are as a writer. do u have a large handwriting that takes up pages and pages? do you like space or are you overwhelmed by a blank page? do you travel a lot and do u want something unobtrusive in your bag? choose something that will reasonable work as a part of your daily life.

paper texture - paper that is smooth to write in are a great source of pleasure. notebooks with 100gsm paper is a good benchmark.

price - pleaseeee do not break the bank to purchase a fancy notebook. an expensive notebook can become an unloved one. you'd be too stressed to ensure every entry is perfect and pretty enough and the notebook eventually becomes too intimidating for you to fill in. check out your local hypermarket or online stores for quality notebooks. moleskins are overrated--in my country, they are v v expensive so don't feel pressure to buy a certain stationary just bc you see them often on ig/tiktok like my journal cost me approximately RM10 (USD2.34) and my new one w 100gsm paper cost me RM17 (USD4) like affordable options are out there!

build a connection with your notebook - listen...this sounds strange but having an attachment with your journal and making it inviting as possible is a great source of motivation. personalize it: add stickers, doodle or paint the cover. get a fabric/pvc cover to keep it clean if you'd like (you can add lil papers/stickers on ur actual notebook cover before putting on the pvc cover! very cute and easy)

and your pens:

again: less is more! use any relatively cheap pens you like - be it for the ink or smoothness. if you want to journal a lot, expect to lose a few pens during traveling or just around the house lmao

for fans of darker inks like me, i use Uni-ball Signo Broad, M&G R3 retractable gel pen and my favorite: Faber Castell RX Gel Pen 0.38mm - which cost like RM1.49 (i dont wanna convert - it's change money in america)

final note: i don't use fountain pens so i'm afraid i'm not well-versed enough to advise in that department but i deeply respect (and a little in awe) of journallers who use them 🫡

the tenet!

purpose: what do u plan to use the notebook for? daily journal? art journal? planner? all three? it's your life! live deliciously! since i have a 9-5 job, i know i can't keep up with more than one journal so i've been using mines as a diary and i dump my daily activities/thoughts/reviews of all kinds of media i'm currently obsessed with and it fills up quick!

don't be too hard on yourself: if you missed a day or two of journalling, it's fine - take it back up. write down anything memorable you'd like in the past few days. if you come across a certain blank page your brain is blanking to fill, perhaps after a previous dark entry, skip the page. skip two pages if needed. don't be scared of blank pages. if it needs to be blank, let it be.

it doesn't have to only be words! add stickers, dried flowers, receipts, ticket stubs, other ephemera you collected in the day. be artful! go crazy on page decoration!!

if there's anything you take away from this post, it's this: if you truly want a journal that is used up quickly, do not have plans to share it on social media. personally, i find once you are in the mindset of sharing your journal for an audience's consumption, you get worried whether it's "aesthetic" enough or is it too boring or too ugly or too dark or that you don't upload regularly enough. social media can be inhibiting your creativity or motivation to journal like let your animal brain ruminate in private! stay free from the shackles of responsibility!

#answered #poseida #journals #journaling tips #also in return i need to know what u did to change your attitude with drawing! i need to get back on that horse!

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not-poignant · 5 months

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Jesus H Christopher, Pia. Your writing load is insane.

Maybe you should cut back on how many chapters you release for certain stories? Like Stain and Palma (since these stories dont equal income) until UtB the other Underline stories are almost done. Just a thought

Because I feel burnt out just by thinking of writing that much, so I can only imagine how you feel. Please take care of yourself

Hi anon,

TL;DR: My brain is stupid, which is why I can't do this, even though it makes sense and is logical.

Unfortunately the fanfiction is what often makes the original fiction possible, or more enjoyable.

If I lock myself down into too much schedule and rigidity, or if I only focus on writing for money, I actually start to hate writing, even if I love the stories. There is nothing like 'will this earn money, do people like this, would people pay, what if they all decide to stop paying for this, why would they pay for this, would I pay for this, how much would people pay for this, is there any incentive for them to pay for this, actually if I wrote a ton of different tropes maybe I'd make more for this, but that's depressing, but I need the money, shit what do I do, what if I lose my income, what if it all stops tomorrow, I need to write more, I need to write more, I need to write more' that is actually very exhausting and makes writing not much fun at all.

And to deliberately break out of that headspace as much as possible, I write fanfiction. Because that headspace (the one I wrote about above), on its own, even if I'm only writing two stories, can and has led to burnout and depressive episodes. I don't recommend it.

In a way, one of the reasons I can write so many stories right now (ADHD meds aside) is that I am letting myself break out and just have fun with fanfiction, and remember that my original writing is meant to be fun too. But without fanfiction, I lose sight of that very quickly.

Fanfiction means that when an original story chapter does super badly, generally there are still excited comments elsewhere that keep me going. That's how I survived The Ice Plague, and that story would never have been completed without fanfiction, because that was my worst performer of any story I've ever written. It also means if a lot of subscribers leave at once, I don't feel like The Worst Writer In The World. So having fanfiction behind me was like...a literal safety net or my security blanket.

If I have to discard my security blankets or use them less often in order to keep writing the original stuff, I might as well just stop entirely, because my longest hiatuses from Patreon (i.e. one lasted 1.5 years, many have lasted 4-6 months) have been when I'm mostly just writing original fiction, and am not writing much fanfiction, or not deliberately finding time for it, and finally get so stressed out re: money I literally have to stop. I'm on a (partial) Disability Pension.

A long time ago some professional people told me I probably shouldn't be working at all because of my mental illnesses and then paid me money because of the severity of those mental illnesses. My dumbass brain be pretty fragile, actually, and keeps chugging away because I make bad business decisions and write stuff I enjoy instead of writing to market, or doing rapid release, or releasing more novels (or novels). Writing does ironically help when I'm stressed, but not when I'm stressed about making money because of writing.

I will cut at my income before I cut at my love of this job, and unfortunately fanfiction keeps me going in this job, which means I can't really cut at that first.

(Also from a business perspective, it's actually a very good funnel to the original stuff and then subscription. Most of you wouldn't be here if you hadn't read one of my fanfics first and then gave the original stuff a try - I try not to think about that too much because I need fanfic to not be about money, but the fact is, I would not have this career without fanfic).

I do have plans to take two weeks off in January from posting chapters (I can still post rewards in the second half of January) and that's not too far away.

And the reality is that I probably would have kept going okay if real life hadn't imploded on top of everything like the world's worst bukkake party.

#asks and answers #personal #pia on writing #i am not a smart business owner #i'm an emotional fragile mentally ill one #who has to make decisions that keep me wanting to do this job #because at the end of the day #my severe treatment-resistant mental illnesses #do not do well with the pressure of making money #and feeling like a failure #so i need to actually do things that aren't about money at all #to remind myself that i don't need to have a breakdown #over never making a minimum wage #(i'm getting closer though which is probably why this burnout came on)#(i've been pushing a lot harder than normal because... well... i'd like to make #an average income one day)#(i may not be smart enough or well enough to do that)#(but i will keep trying)#i just have to keep trying as someone with a very broken mind #who copes with that brokenness through working hard #breaks are stressful and i have to think hard about what's best

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beautiful-is-boring · 2 years

Text

Through the phone

Gojo satoru x Fem!Reader (she/her) | Fluff, very minimal angst if you squint, JJK MANGA SPOILERS

Summary: Gojo, your crush, rambles on and on about you, unaware that you're listening.

writing this was an impulsive decision so if this ends up being bad or cringe or if i make gojo ooc on accident im so sorry lol

"SHOKO IERI" Gojo's loud and booming voice startled his friend who was speaking to someone on the phone, causing her to yelp.

"hold on dear gimme a moment" she said to the person on the other side "satoru what the fuck?"

"I have so much to tell you about y/n!" he said to her with gleaming eyes that were covered by his blindfold, but shoko could easily tell he had heart eyes, since the topic was about you, his crush.

"not now! can't you see im talking to someone?"

"no. I will stay here and say whatever I want, and you will listen, and if that person wants they can listen too because y/n is just one of a kind okay? They also need to know about how cool she is!"

Shoko smirked to herself. Gojo would ramble on about you, and sometimes, he would sit quiet thinking of you; but he never made a move. You didn't either. Both of you were shy, stupid, dumbfucks who were afraid of rejection and attachment, even though you both wanted each other (her words, not mine)

She could have cut the call, but she didn't. She had a trick up her sleeve. It was you on the other end after all; and her long time friend didn't know that.

"go on ;)"

"so..." satoru began "i cannot stress this enough, and i know i said this loads of times before, but her smile is EVERYTHING. And her laugh? HEAVENLY. She could smile and giggle and boom! depression doesn't exist anymore! And everytime she smiles at me or I make her laugh I can feel myself BLUSHING and going RED but obviously she can't know that so I laugh it off saying its the heat, and I am so glad it is summer right now because that girl is really smart. Her brain is so hot. But she's dumb and oblivious a lot of times and its hilariously cute."

'Her smile is everything.' 'I can feel myself blushing.' 'Her brain is hot.' What the fuck? You could hear everything he was saying to shoko through your phone. Blushing profusely, your eyes widened automatically. This was Gojo, your crush, and an egoistical bastard. He would never admit any of the things he was unapologetically saying at the very moment. You knew your feelings were reciprocated yet you continued to listen to know what he actually thought of you.

"Like- she's so pretty its illegal." He continued gushing on about you while Shoko silently snickered to her self and you froze completely.

"Honestly? She's so badass and doesn't give a shit about anything else but she's so caring. I saw her help this small kid in the park whose balloon was stuck on a tree and she helped him get the balloon back, and I instantly fell in love. You already know sweet she is with the students, they love her! AND SHE MAKES SPECIAL CHOCOLATES FOR ME! How cool is that! She..." his voice quietened down a bit "she makes me feel special shoko. She makes me feel loved. She cares about me a lot. Its just a different kind of feeling. But im scared, I don't want to lose her. You-you know what happened to getou- i cant-"

He took in a heavy breath and paused for a second "I dont want to lose her in any way. What if they target her because of me? I know she's so damn strong, nothing can touch her. But that 1% still remains. Or what if she doesn't reciprocate my feelings? Her and I are close friends and i don't want to lose that too. And on top of that I am busy and I am a hard guy to be with."

"well, what do you want to do?" Shoko asked him with a softer smile.

"I..I think i'm gonna stop. She deserves better if im being honest. She needs someone who can pamper her and give her time. I am done-"

"Satoru?"

Your shaky voice could be heard from shoko's phone.

Gojo froze and everything around him went quiet. You. It was you, the one only y/n, on the phone. The one he was in love with. The one he just rambled on and on about to his friend, and you heard every single word. He could feel his mind go hay-wire. He wanted the earth to swallow him whole from the embarrassment. He wanted to go to some foreign country, dig a hole, crawl in it and die. He felt vulnerable, panicked and so much more.

"Satoru? Are you still there?" your voice broke the silence, drawing his attention to you.

He decided to get it over with.

"heyyyy y-y/n? hehe listen don-don't worry about it i-i was just joking- i mean i was n-not- but you don-t have to take me seriously like i-i respect your feelings and if you don't return them t-that is okay but please lets still be friends but i was hoping for-"

"Satoru...please, tell me the truth. Please tell me you're not joking."

With a heavy sigh, he spoke into shoko's phone. "Y/n, I like you. 'I am in love with you' would be a better choice of words, but I don't want to be awkward, it feels as if I'm going too fast. Look, its okay if you don't like me back, and I completely get it; but I have hidden my feelings for a really long time now, and I just wanna say that I will always be by your side, protecting you, supporting you, being the bestfriend that you need during hard times."

"Why do I need you as my bestfriend to support me when you can do the same while being my boyfriend?"

w h a t

Gojo satoru's eyes widened and his mouth hung open. What the hell did you just say to him? "...what? y-y/n what are you saying?"

"I..I wanted to confess my feelings for you for so damn long but I was scared to lose you. I think we both were." you giggled softly and gojo could feel his heart swell. "Satoru, I like you too. I like you so so so much."

"I can't believe it!" he whispered.

"I'm in my office room. Meet me now." That was all you said before you hung up. Gojo could hear the nervousness from your voice, while keeping in mind that he was very nervous too, and he probably gave it away because of his stuttering at the start. He felt butterflies in his stomach, partly from his nervousness and partly from the happiness he felt from receiving your confession.

He looked at shoko with shocked eyes.

"Don't be a wimp and just go to her." Shoko responded to his look, and smiled. "You'll be fine."

Gojo took a deep breath in, then out, and then teleported himself to your office.

His eyes fell on you the moment he stepped foot in that room. You were seated on a big couch that you owned, looking ethereal as ever in the golden rays of the sun that entered into the room through your open windows. Gojo couldn't help but blush at how beautiful you looked, even while being so nervous, and he could feel his heart do a backflip when you gave him a soft smile with a small "hi".

"hi." he replied back, not knowing what to say. His awkward stance was adorable.

"you look really cute when you're flustered." Your compliment made him smile as you both walked towards each other. It was not normal for THE Gojo satoru to be this soft, this flustered, the reason being a person.

"and you, my darling, you...look absolutely adorable when you smile." you both chuckled lightly as he booped your nose with his finger, drinking in the sight of you smiling. "...is it too early to call you darling-?"

"no no it isn't!...I like it." It was your turn to blush now. "What nickname do I use for you?" You tiptoed and wrapped your arms around his neck, feeling his arms go around your waist, gazing into his ocean like eyes twinkling behind the glasses.

"Anything. What do you want to call me?"

"'Toru'. How does that sound?"

"Don't ever call me anything other than that." was all he said before he leaned down and softly placed his lips over yours, feeling a different kind of happiness for the first time in forever.

------------------------------

Taglist: @narcwhore @bollywoodgrandma @vampire-rat-bastard @levis-hazelnut

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neteyamb · 1 year

Text

ashes to ashes: chapter five

pairing: loak x f!omatikaya reader

summary: as a healer, y/n had taken an oath to treat every patient with their best interests in mind. this hadn’t been a problem, until loak’s petty injuries become a routine. she has to swallow her pride and feign concern, feign kindness, and face the ugly hate that has been brewing between them for years.

tags: enemies to lovers, slight angst, best friend kiri, emotionally constipated aka on-brand loak, language

word count: 1.4k

notes: im on vacation, my deepest symapthies go out to myself for making me wait so long to find out what happens next

⁺˚*･༓☾ ☽༓･*˚⁺‧ ‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ ☽༓･*˚⁺‧ ‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ ☽༓･*˚⁺‧ ‧͙⁺˚*･

billie bossa nova: love when it makes you lose your bearings / it might be more of an obsession / you better lock your phone / and look at me when you're alone / won't take a lot to get you goin' / i'm sorry if it's torture though / that heavy breathin' on the floor / i’m yours, i'm yours

nova – a star that suddenly increases its light output tremendously and then fades away to its former obsurity

loak jumps back from you, heart in his throat like a deer caught in the headlights. he attempted to choke out a response, but his mind was slurred and his mouth had become dry, leaving his lips parted with a shaky breath. his mouth opened and closed repeatedly, almost as if he was trying to remember the fluidity of your own against it. he shook his head in a thrashing manner, snapping out of his daze. your fingers itched to touch his face, arms, chest, anything, but you were unsure if it was out of pleasure or anger.

slowly, loak began to speak, tearing you away from your inner conflict. he rolled his tongue over his lips before a coy smirk appeared. “same time next week?” you felt your face heat and opaque hate flooded into your stomach. of course he was toying with you; this man had so readily disregarded your career just moments ago. forcing yourself to hold his gaze, you take the bait. “are you deaf? i said get the fuck out of here,” you step towards him, shoving at his chest. “i hate you. don’t bother coming back to maiya’s hut, you’ve made it clear we aren’t needed.” your face sours at the image of him being left to fend for himself with a serious injury, but you quickly crush the worry when you recall his earlier words. he can go fuck himself.

✶✶✶✶

loak’s eyes darken as he walks away, fingernails forming deep crescents in his palms. it was his own fault. still, he blamed you equally; it was you that had approached him, you that provoked him into a physical fight. he only has so much willpower, and your baiting taunts were spoken through soft, inviting lips. for a split second, he was smug about having shut you up the way he had, but it was gone in an instant, replaced with the ugly, consuming fear that you would never speak to him again. despite your complicated relationship with him, you were always keen to jump back in the fighting ring the next day, and he had let himself rely on it too much.

he entered the family hut with his head tilted down, pointedly avoiding kiri’s questioning stare. he looked dishevelled, and his lips were swollen. she furrowed her brows. only y/n could make him as riled up as he looked; he would brush anybody else off with ease. “did you just suck face with a poisoned fruit or something?” his shoulders rose towards his ears as a shiver ran up his spine. “almost.” shocked, she dropped the wooden bowl she had been carving out. it rattled against the floor, completely forgotten the second it had escaped her grasp. “you made out with someone? you?” kiri has never been known for being subtle. or slow. he could see her visibly piecing together a puzzle in her brain, connecting this to their last conversation. “wait–” she starts.

loak closes the gap between them in four strides, frantically looking around the empty room as he presses a hand over her mouth. “quiet,” he hisses. kiri’s loud voice is muffled for a few seconds before she resorts to licking a long stripe on his hand. he jumps back, wiping it off aggressively on her arm. “ew, what the fuck?” she pays his complaint no mind. “you what the fuck. you kissed y/n?” she made a show of theatrically looking up at the roof in distress. “you’re in for it now.” he leans back, apprehensively looking away. “it was an accident,” he responds in defense. she balks at him. “look, i know. just forget it, i’m sure she’ll do the same.” it was an optimistic thought.

✶✶✶✶

you had not forgotten about it. days had gone past and you were still livid; loak had ruined any possible salvation of your relationship with the words he had said, and then proceeded to shove his tongue down your throat. still, you were angrier at yourself for the way you had readily accepted it.

avoiding him had proven itself to be a difficult task; dinners were communal and you could feel him staring you down expectantly, daring you to slip into your usual snide banter with him. what's worse is you had additionally been dodging kiri; you were sure she knew something was up, and you had no interest in being reminded.

you trudge into maiya’s hut, desperate for a distraction. you had yet to retrieve fresh plants from your regular gathering area this week, and stock was running low. she was beginning to ask questions. maiya’s eyes were trained on your stiff movements as you began to grind a paste, and she was worried that if you were to grit your teeth any more, they’d be sandpapered down to nonexistance. she placed a warm hand over your own. “y/n. take a break, maite. you can join me after you get some more supplies, hmm?” maiya was an assertive person; you knew she wasn’t asking for your permission on this. unwillingly, you set the bowl down and pick up your basket.

✶✶✶✶

loak was growing impatient. if that day by the creek made him uneasy, this was threefold. without your daily arguments, he had no outlet for pent-up stress and had been snippy with his father on one too many occasions. jake wasn’t a fan of this new, brash behaviour, and the lecture loak had received about it only served to make him more restless. you were like a nova; condensing all of your muddied emotions to suddenly clash divinely with his own, only to dissolve from his grasp all at once. abrasive frustration was eating away at his insides as the days went by, and he was more angry than ever. despite its overbearing presence, he couldn’t bring himself to regret what he had done.

loak watched your sudden dismissal from the healing hut, and determinedly recreated your footsteps into the forest. behind you, his eyes traced the slight sway of your hips and the gentle thumps of the gathering basket against your thigh. loak’s face twisted; he knew it was unfair of him to be irritated that you didn’t notice his presence once he had gotten close, but you had been actively ignoring him the whole week. he hadn’t gotten a rest from kiri’s interventions either; she would moan to him constantly about how it’s all his fault she’s been shut out by you and that he’d better fix it. he’s deluded himself to believe he was confronting you because of the soft spot he has for his sister, but it was in reality entirely for selfish purposes.

heart pounding, loak grips your bicep and flips you around to face him. “do you think this is funny? because i’m not laughing.” his syrupy eyes bore into yours, voice gravelly. you instinctually back up a bit, the small of your back now digging into rigid bark as you shift under his gaze. the corner of your mouth twitches in discomfort at his proximity. “what, have you gotten yourself another wound you want me to fix? not gonna happen, buster,” you respond evasively. loak grew more frustrated, but after so much silence, your voice rang in his ears as if it was his first time hearing it.

loak exhales sharply through his nose, involuntarily taking a few steps back. he doesn’t give you a chance to relax as he jumps head-first into the root of the issue. “i know you play a vital role in the clan. i never should have said you didn’t.” you eye him quizzically, waiting for him to continue. he struggled to keep himself from arguing against his own words, but if he wanted you to listen, they were unavoidable. “you were right to say my grandmother would be insulted,” he adds awkwardly, gesticulating poorly with his hands. it left a bad taste in his mouth, but after mulling the accusation over for hours on end, he came to the gruelling realization that it was accurate. he had never been disrespectful to moat; in truth, he actually admired healers a lot for the work they did. but watching as you would cradle him, care for him, all while having the upper hand, forced him to confront new feelings he was scared of. he will admit, it was a little immature in hindsight. you offer him no mercy, remaining tight-lipped and unmoving. persistent, he grunts his final proposal to you with an uneven tone, as if the word was unknown to him. “truce?”

⁺˚*･༓☾ ☽༓･*˚⁺‧ ‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ ☽༓･*˚⁺‧ ‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ ☽༓･*˚⁺‧ ‧͙⁺˚*･

notes: get a room you guys

taglist: @weasleytwinwheezes @mrslandryy @amortencjja

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coraniaid · 5 months

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hater alphabet ask! F!

Obviously my first instinct is to respond with a post about Faith but (I guess thanks to choosing who I follow on here carefully?) I don't think I actually have any unpopular opinions about Faith?

Or rather, I suppose, I know there are lots of takes on Faith I would strongly disagree with -- that she's genuinely cool, that she honestly doesn't care about killing Allan Finch at all, that she spends so long being jealous of Buffy because she really wants to sleep with Xander/Angel/Riley, that she's too "streetwise" to have been won over by the Mayor, that she isn't one of the most interesting and ultimately sympathetic characters on the show -- but I just can't bring myself to believe that any of these positions are actually popular.

So I'm going to talk about Season 5's Family instead.

I think Family is a very good episode -- it's actually one of the Season 5 episodes I've rewatched most -- but I think it would work a lot better (both in its own right and as a metaphor) without it being proved unequivocally at the end that Tara definitely isn't any sort of demon.

Firstly because ... well, I kind of hate the whole magic demon-detecting chip plot to start with -- it's one of the show's worst bits of world-building, I'd argue, and I'm aware that's saying a lot -- but at least most of the time I can tell myself it's something that only affects Spike's brain, using his own knowledge of what he's about to do and who he's about to hurt. Giving it the power to actually detect with perfect accuracy whether Spike is hurting a human or not -- even when he wouldn't know himself -- is a little bit much for me. (And yes, there's at least one other famous example of it doing that, and yes, I really hate that one too.)

But second -- and much more importantly -- isn't the point of everyone rallying around Tara at the end even when they think she might be something strange or monstrous kind of undercut by the script immediately going "oh, nevermind, she's not a demon, she's definitely completely safe and normal"? Doesn't that undermine the metaphor here pretty badly? What exactly is the show trying to say?

What would the Scoobies have done if Spike had hit Tara and it hadn't hurt him? Immediately changed tune and let her biological family drag her away forever? Is the fact her father is obviously a bullying asshole not reason enough to hate him? Does he have to be deliberately lying about Tara's demonic nature too? Can families only be abusive if they are knowingly, consciously dishonest in the justifications they provide for their actions? Is it not enough that Tara really didn't want to go?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying the show should have said flat out that Tara was a demon. I'm not sure whether I'd have liked that either. I just don't think being definitive about it either way adds to the episode. I think it works much better if it's left a little ambiguous.

I do think that Buffy -- and spin-off show Angel especially -- slightly loses its way by having so many demons and vampires become sympathetic as the seasons progress (while never really having Buffy question the fact she kills so many of them), but it is still part of the episode's context and contunity that this is a direction the two shows have both been heading in for a while. Anya is an ex-demon (and will briefly become a demon again) and while this causes some tension it never outright prevents her being welcomed into the group. Her friend and fellow vengeance demon Halfrek is consistently treated as a sympathetic character and not as a monster. Spike and Angel and Harmony are vampires but the two shows have been treating them all as people for a while and will only continue to do so. On Angel, Doyle was part-demon and Cordelia will also become part-demon less than a year after this episode airs. Lorne exists.

I mean, reading this answer over again I'm not sure I've done a great job of articulating why this bothers me (which is part of why I've been so slow in answering this, sorry) but I think this implicit use of 'demon' to mean 'definitely a bad person' just feels weirdly out of place by Season 5. And again, I just go back to the question: what are we supposed to think Buffy and Willow would have done if Spike had unwittingly proved that Tara really wasn't fully human? And if the answer isn't anything different, why is that part of the scene at all?

#btvs #asks #thanks!

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slasherlouvre · 2 years

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thinking about the essay really messed/is messing me up, having mean thoughts about myself and that inevitably bleeds over into my usually supposed to be comforting daydreams and fantasies

my brain loves to tell me that Bo would think I'm pathetic and a waste of resources lmao

that Vincent would either not think I'm pretty at all or grow bored with me

and Lester also just lose interest (people always do)

+ just general annoyance/irritation about me doing hardly anything and needing meds

I'm tired and one have like 1.5 hours left

This could not be further from the truth, love. I'm gonna be a real hypocrite right now because I have the same exact bitch of a brain, but:

Open for some Sinclair self-love reminders 🖤

Bo thinking you're pathetic??? A waste of resources???? That's never even once crossed his mind. He'd literally kill someone if he ever heard that being said to you, hell, he'd even die for you without a second thought because you mean that much to him.

Expectations can be unfair, and life can be overwhelming- no one knows that better than him, so he also knows how admirable you truly are.

You're nothing like him. You're strong, and you've kept your kindness despite it all. Maybe you've stumbled along the way, been shoved around- everyone has, often even, but you've never completely given up. You're resilient in a way he never could be. And he knows you struggle to see that, the same way he struggles to see anything worthwhile in himself.

Sometimes it's hard for him to be verbally vulnerable with you, he's working on it, but he loves you. I mean he really loves you. He could spend his whole damn life trying to put what you mean to him in words, and it still wouldn't be enough.

Please treat yourself with the same loving patience you've always had for him. You're not pathetic for being tired and wanting someone to lean on. You're not pathetic for doing things at your own pace. You're not a waste for just existing. You're human and he is so proud of you. If he has to remind you every damn day of that, he will. Don't ever forget how far you've come; it's okay to be proud of yourself too. You should be proud of yourself.

•

Do you grow bored with the moon because you see it every night? Is it no longer beautiful on the nth time you look up to admire it?? Do you not consider all phases of the moon to be beautiful despite their distinctions???

To Vincent you are, and always will be, the most beautiful part of his life.

To have you choose to remain at his side evermore is a gift, not a boredom,- and certainly not a burden. Can't you see that your constancy only makes you cherished all the more?? That losing you would bring about the death of what you salvaged of his heart? He can no longer live without your light now that you've rooted yourself so deeply within him.

You are physically beautiful too. You are. There has never been a moment in which he's ever thought otherwise. It's simply not possible.

In a way, he understands how you feel. It took him a very long time to believe you genuinely loved him and were still attracted to him after seeing the real him beneath the mask. But unlike his prominently marred visage, he doesn't actually see any of the 'flaws' you think you have. He just sees you.

And you are what he loves. It's not possible for you to be anything less.

Please be kinder to yourself when you look in the mirror. If you have to, look at yourself with his eyes in mind. Don't treat what he loves so cruelly, especially when you'd never fault him if he were to have the same traits.

What you look like doesn't make you unlovable; beauty has never been singular in its definition despite what anyone may try to make you think. You've proven it yourself by loving him, haven't you?

•

Lester losing interest in you?? He'd honestly laugh loudly thinking it was a joke. And it is! The thought itself is ridiculous, don't you see?

People lose interest, but those people aren't Lester Sinclair.

He's been torn down with mean words and disgusted looks more times than he can count ever since he was a kid, so he never actually believed you'd choose him. But you did. And now you're the reason he can say it was all worth it in the end. A love like this only comes once in a lifetime as they say, and he was fully expecting it not to be in his lifetime. So it's no wonder he looks at you like you've personally hung the moon and the stars in the sky.

He could never lose interest in the love of his life; of the reason for his happiness, and favorite thing to come home to.

You do far more than you think, but even so, your worth is not measured by your productivity- or anyone's skewed social constructs. He's a roadkill driver, there are plenty of people who consider his work 'hardly anything'. Hell, they take one look at him and label him 'bottom of the barrel'. So he knows more than anyone that falling short of what others unfairly deem 'efficient' and 'deserving' doesn't make you meaningless. You taught him that, afterall.

There's nothing wrong with needing medication for your mental health; it's normal and important to take care of your brain just like any other part of your body when it needs some help. It doesn't make you any less of a person, and he could never be irritated or annoyed with you for it- he's far too admiring of you to be anything else, and he wants you to have the support you need.

You've always been understanding of him, so please give yourself that same gentle understanding. Is he stupid for making mistakes? A good-for-nothing because someone else said so? Pathetic for having bad dsys? No. And neither are you.

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theflagscene · 5 months

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You don’t have to answer this if you don’t want to but I’m wondering if your vision is like Days? Is the way they’re showing it in the series realistic at all?

I don’t mind answering, I did put myself out there by mentioned my loss of eyesight after all 😊

No, my vision is nothing like Day’s even though his blindness is supposed to have been caused by what I’m assuming was a traumatic brain injury of some sort, since they said it’s all happening due to a car accident. The effect they’re using to show Day’s vision in the series seems more akin to that of mild to borderline severe cataracts, often times cataracts are just considered to be a greyed out spot in the middle of your field of view, cataracts can also cause that ‘looking through a white plastic bag’ type of vision as well. So while I think the series is taking some artistic liberties to be able to really make people understand what Day is experiencing, the actual effect they’re using might not line up with the type of vision lost the character is supposed to be experiencing. But I think it’s more important that his lack of sight is visually represented decently, to make it easier for viewers to fully grasp his complete isolation and fear of the unknown.

As for my own loss of slight, it was caused by a traumatic brain injury just like I’m assuming Day’s is supposed to have been, although my TBI caused swelling of the brain and a buildup of cerebral spinal fluid that went unchecked for so long that I ended up with severe ICP (increased intercranial pressure) as well as a sudo-cystic brain tumour, basically a fluid filled pocket started to build up between my brain and my skull. The tumour and ICP lead to something called Papilledema, which is the rather uncomfortable swelling of your optic nerve. The reason my issues went for so long without being caught, even after the car accident I was in, was because I already had astigmatism as well as a long history of headaches, so nothing seemed too out of the ordinary at first. Then things changed, a lot.

At this current point in my life, my right eye on its own is all but useless, I don’t see anything clearly at all. Think of every blur effect in photoshop, then toss in flashing lights and dark lines, that’s what my vision is like on a daily basis. And then there are times when it just goes white, completely fuzzy white, no sight at all. It usually passes, but the day it doesn’t could very well come. True it might not, really only time will tell. I do still have most of my vision in my left eye, it seems that besides my typical astigmatism the effects of the Papilledema has only really hit my right side so far. Which probably makes sense, that was the side that the tumour was on, that’s also the side that I have other facial cranial and neurological issues with as a result of the accident. Does that mean I won’t ever lose sight in my left eye as well? No, that doesn’t mean that at all. But as of right now, I’m just glad I do still have some vision to speak of 😎

#anon reply #tw blindness #tw car accident #last twilight the series

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