#and he would have been if joss whedon wasn’t a little bitch

[doctor-fishbones]

Early seasons Xander screams he/him lesbian ♥️♥️

#and he would have been if joss whedon wasn’t a little bitch #xander harris #btvs #btvs imagine #just saying that xander and anya would fucking rule if they were a lesbian couple

[takaraphoenix]

Buffy Season 8: Review

It’s bad. It’s just... really... bad. That’s the TL;DR of this review. There was one (1) good thing about this season and that was the return of Oz. So if you’re looking for something that hypes season 8? This is not it. If you are confused, angry or salty about season 8? Hi, yes, me too.

Starting at the beginning. At first, I was really happy that they introduced more characters of color, with Renee and Satsu. And when Renee was then even “promoted” to Xander’s love interest? Nice. The two were even cute.

But no. That was all just the set-up to fridge her. Which, I am so very tired of that trope. And that is what that was. That wasn’t just a slayer dying during a fight. The entire issue of her death focused on her and Xander, building up to their relationship, setting them up for their first date, having her be prominently featured, just to then kill her off and have Xander avenge her.

What made it feel even worse - worse than just the fridging - was that they really had to fridge one of their very few women of color. And, to top it off, spend the entire issue in which she dies having her subjected to racism. Just great. Really, you managed to make an already shitty trope even worse. That’s impressive.

The racism itself too. Dracula. They just decided to make Dracula totally racist now, huh? and it doesn’t get a pass just because Xander points out in the comic that he doesn’t remember Dracula being this racist. Because he wasn’t. This Dracula just throws around slurs left and right in a way that feels more like the writers just really wanted to use slurs. Because the character? He was suave, charming, heck he charmed the straight men and the lesbians too when he was on the show. He was a smooth talker. This Dracula? He just... He was just racist and rude in general. Why.

Moving on from the racism to the next failure in rep. The gays. At this point in time I am simply convinced that Joss Whedon is entirely unfamiliar with the concept of bisexuality.

I know I’ve already made a separate post complaining about this, but it needs mentioning in the review of the season too. Having Buffy hook up with a lesbian twice, but #NoHomo, just a straight girl in her “experimental phase”. That’s just cringey and also offensive. Just... make her... come out as a bisexual? It’s not like the writing in the show hadn’t already set her up with quite the bi vibes.

Instead, the narrative made it sound like the only options would be to be straight or to now suddenly turn “into” a lesbian. Which is also offensive on itself, because - as this very show had proven on screen - lesbians can come out later in life and genuinely, I adore Willow’s arc. For her narrative, it fit to have her come out as a lesbian, the circumstances and her life fit for that. I absolutely agree that it would have been weird for Buffy to have a sudden coming out as a lesbian at that point in her life and after everything, but referring to it as turning into a dyke was just not great.

And lesbian wasn’t the only option. Though, I’m unsure Whedon knows that, considering that 6/6 canon queer characters are homosexual and 4/4 wlw are lesbians. They just keep introducing more lesbians - which, as a lesbian I am always in favor of more lesbians. However, when you have a very small number (2) of queer characters, it figures you can not cover all the sexualities and it’s even fair that even with two, you still choose to have them both be the same sexuality. But... the more you add? The more questionable it becomes that you limit it to one sexuality only.

This arc would have so beautifully set up for Buffy to come out as bi. But no.

And while we’re on the wlw; one of the things I always loved about Buffy was that the lesbians weren’t just there for the male gaze, they weren’t oversexualized. They desired each other, they even had sex. But... in a normal frame work, to a normal amount, meaning equal to how the straights were handled. I always liked that, because especially in early days, lesbians were usually just there to look really hot and have hot sex that straight men could get off to. Well, consider me very unimpressed with the comics, because... man are lesbians sexualized now. Willow gets a hot constantly naked snake goddess girlfriend whom she can only contact by - and I am not making this up - having an orgasm. So we prelude the trip by her having sex with Kennedy, before waking up all nude in snake goddess’ realm and usually having am makeout session or sex with her too while doing whatever business she has with her. So much nakedness, so much oversexualization. Really... disappointing.

Staying on the romance but turning to the other Summers sister, I truly can’t believe they made Xander/Dawn canon. Like, I can not comprehend they decided to make that a canon ship.

Sure, Dawnie’s had a crush on Xander since the literal beginning of Dawn. And that was... cute, honestly. Fifteen year old girls have crushes on cute older guys who are nice to them. Figures. Adorable. But she kind of... grew out of that over the course of the show? Or so it seemed...

And Xander. One of the things I loved about Xander was that Dawn was always a total no go. She was Buffy’s sister, heck, she was kind of every Scoobie’s little sister. He had always had brotherly advise for her. Heck, in this comic he points out that it’s weird since he’s known her since she was little - and yeah it is. It’s not weird when two people were both little together, but when one was sixteen when the other was eleven and one has babysat the other? That’s weird.

Getting infinitely more disturbing by the fact that she... literally... just turned eighteen. If they had put this into a rather later season, or a bigger time skip, had Dawn been A WomanTM for a few years now and Xander had gotten around to separating the idea of kiddo!Dawnie from the woman she has become, but Dawn is only eighteen, she hasn’t become a woman yet. She just turned legal to bang and thus, a switch was flipped in Xander’s mind, putting her on his radar. And just... no. Why.

And even beyond this decision; Dawn spends the first third of this season being slut-shamed in ridiculous ways. Which is also tiresome. I am the last person to defend cheaters, but there’s a difference between “You cheated and are being held accountable for it” and “You cheated so now you are cursed to be a giant, a centaur and then a porcellain doll for weeks at a time, being publicly humiliated and having control over your body taken away from you”. That was... sure a choice.

Moving on to the actual main problem of this season. The plot.

Starting with the incomprehensibly dumb idea of “hey let’s retreat to Tibet, put a huge target on Oz’s new home and get rid of all of our magic. surely that will not come to bite us in the arse when the bad guys find us”. Naturally, it came back to bite them in their collective asses. This was just... No one objected or pointed out how dumb that plan was? Really? No one? Really?

Anyway, let’s talk villains. And work our way up there. The return of Amy and Warren. Once again, I ask why. I’m still salty about the 180° Amy did from sweet Wiccan to wicked bitch after her stint as a rat, but having her now... hook up with Warren, the second biggest misogynist on this show, who is also skinless. She used a spell to keep him alive but she couldn’t... give the spell a color? Anything? Anything to not make him look flayed? Because this was just unnecessarily gross body-horror.

Not to mention the... lack of reaction? Sure, some spoke grumpily against working with Warren. But... this is Warren. The guy who killed Tara when he was trying to kill Buffy. There really should have been more breather-scenes of the Scoobies talking about this, digesting the fact that the guy was still alive and more so when they worked with him.

But nevermind them, because they’re working for Angel. Because Angel’s the villain behind this season. I mean, he was manipulated into that by Twilight, but manipulated means he still chose to do it.

Now let me preface that I might not ship Angel/Buffy, but that really only factors marginally in here, because this plot would be bullshit even if it were my OTP.

We now retcon the creation of the Slayers as not just being something dirty old men did in a cave, it was now all the greater plan of the universe. Which. Might have worked had Slayers been... naturally occuring. And not created by men, forcing this upon a young woman. Sure, what people do can be seen as the greater plan of the universe too if you will, but that seems like a cop-out that absolves bad people of their bad choices and deeds.

Anyway. The universe created Slayers and vampires and the ““balance”“ between them (which is bullshit anyway because 1 Slayer vs thousands of vampires... not balanced at all), including the now supposedly destined romance between Angel and Buffy.

Both get rewarded with super-powers now so they can super-fuck and thus give birth to a new universe. That universe is called Twilight and manifests as a burning, winged, green lion who can talk (because that sure is how I always headcanoned Angel/Buffy’s children to look like /s) and who, through time-travel shenannigans, has been manipulating Angel into his own creation.

The magic pull between them is so strong that it overrides the “Angel just caused the death of over two-hundred Slayers” so Buffy fucks him.

At which point I just... this season was flat-out character assassination of Angel? He was manipulated by the bad guy. Not controlled, manipulated. He caused the death of hundreds. He threw everything he stood for and believed in out the window for the promise of a paradise where he could be with Buffy, when the real Angel has chosen other things, higher goals, over being with Buffy over and over again, because that’s what they do. That is their whole thing, they choose the good of the world over being together. They have always been a “will they/won’t they?” where the answer is they won’t, because they know they are needed elsewhere, by others. But now Angel just... doesn’t care about all that anymore, or heck about his own son and his friends, ready to abandon everything for this.

And then when Twilight is born and consequently abandoned by Buffy, who still prioritizes her friends, family and the world over being with Angel, Angel actually... needs convincing in the abandoning? Because, again, character assassination. Ultimately, Angel gets controlled by Twilight and used to kill Giles and try to kill Buffy.

But thanks to the Deus Ex Machina of Spike dropping in in the final arc, they know how to stop this. He hasn’t been in this season so far, because - truly in line with this season - he was off being the king of a race of alien bugs, traveling in their space-ship.

To stop this all, they go back to Sunnydale, where of course the “heart of the Earth” is located, the seed that contains all magic, and destroy it, and with it all magic. Also, the Master was apparently always just there to guard that seed. He is now back from the dead!

Let me summarize that once more, just for emphasis: The universe wanted Buffy and Angel to fuck so they can give birth to a new universe that personifies as a green, winged, burning lion but before it can destroy our universe, Spike, now king of an alien bug race, delivers the solution to go back to Sunnydale and destroy the seed of all magic that is being guarded by a resurrected Master.

How do you read that with a straight face? How do you pitch that? This is just so incomprehensibly stupid.

We end the comic with Buffy as a waitress, hated by many, Xander and Dawn now have an apartment and are playing house, Willow broke up with Kennedy because she realized she is in love with the snake goddess she will now never get to see again, Giles is dead, Faith somehow inherited everything from Giles and she is also the designated Angel-sitter now.

#Buffy Season 8 #Buffy Review #Buffy the Vampire Slayer

[existentialflirt]

So sometime around Charisma Carpenter’s voicing support in Ray Fisher speaking out against Joss Whedon being a giant piece of shit, I was on youtube and was recommended a short, fairly recent video clip of James Marsters talking about his experience on Buffy and that Joss was actually pretty nasty to him. So the story goes, Spike was not meant to become a permanent cast member but his popularity superseded Joss’s overall plans. Though it wasn’t explicitly said, it sounds like the network convinced him, but whatever the case, however it changed, Joss was not into it and treated him very poorly on set. 

Although I still enjoy the show in a kind of comforting, nostalgic way, I’ve been viewing it more critically of late. One thing that has increasingly bothered me is Spike’s character arc on BtVS. As they were trying to rehabilitate his image, most of it seemed to revolve around stripping away his “badass” veneer. William the Bloody wasn’t a nickname referring to his savagery, instead it related to how bad a poet he’d been in mortality. I’m all for subversive character development, and maybe it wouldn’t bother be so much if it wasn’t framed in the midst of his infatuation with Buffy and the fact that revealing this vulnerable part of himself didn’t soften her heart to him one whit. Instead it just seemed to be there to humiliate Spike. The final nail in the coffin to his reputation. 

More than this specific example, his humanization has been directly related to humility. Which, makes sense. Spike is a very arrogant character so being brought down low is a very good way to make him more relatable. Instead of lessons in hubris, however, we got a chip and cheap shots. Now James and the rest of the cast makes it work. Everyone plays their humour beats very well, but it’s still all very cringe and honestly, as redemption stories goes it’s rocky all the way through until he popped into Angel’s last season.

And that’s the fuck of it, innit? Why did Spike stay in Sunnydale after he found out hurting demons and other non-humans bypassed the chip’s function? Protection? Even if he was hunted by humans or even attacked by one, he’s stronger and faster than human. One punch could go a long way, even if it gave him a migraine for a week, I reckon that would be far favourable to a quick death at the end of someone’s Mr. Pointy. Honestly, I think it would have made more sense for him to become a permanent character on Angel. I love him being love’s bitch, but I didn’t like him on the road to redemption for the sake of Buffy’s love/forgiveness/approval(?).

And if I’m sounding a little biased, that’s kind of my point. What’s the Spike Conspiracy? I fully believe that Spike’s overall story arc had to do with Joss’s discontent with losing control of the character, so to speak. His resentment bled into the writing. Control seems to be a huge problem for him and if you think I’m just being a big dumb Spike stan, consider the fact that he took out his anger at being unable to control Charisma’s body when she got pregnant on the character. Is it so ridiculous to consider he might do the same James?

#*shrugs* #thanks for coming to my ted talk?

[buffyversefanfiction]

Twisted Tristan

Chapter 4 - B Normal Again

Warnings: I do not own or claim to own the original content to “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”, “Angel”, the comics or any of the original characters from the “Buffyverse” all rights belong to Joss Whedon.

15 plus, displays of Violence, Gore, Torture, M/M, F/M, F/F.

Buffy, Faith and Willow remained within the underground sewer tunnels completely broken by their loss by Buffy’s loss as Buffy stood there as a heartbroken mother with no idea where her son could be.

“There’s got to be some way to find him Willow some spell that you can do.” Buffy cried. “He’s my son Willow, my baby boy.”

“I really wish there was some way of fixing this Buffy but when I opened that portal, I backed it up with another spell so if we came back and were captured by one of them whoever escaped would be safe.” Willow explained to her as she shed tears of her own for her missing nephew.

“Find some way of reversing the spell Will find some way of opening the portal Willow I can’t lose my son.” Buffy sobbed as Faith remained silent clearly sympathizing for her friends. “He’s just a baby and he’s all alone.”

“I’m so sorry Buffy I really am that spell was supposed to keep everyone safe.” Willow apologised while trying to dry her tears.

“Safe,” Buffy shouted, losing her temper with Willow. “How can my little boy be safe when we have no idea where the hell you dumped in? What if he’s in some demonic dimension? What if he’s already dead?”

“B Willow would never put the kid somewhere that wasn’t safe,” Faith told her fellow slayer in defense of the redheaded witch. “Wherever your boy is now I’m sure he’s safe from the ones who tried to steal him.”

“Faith I’m his mother I should be with him he’s abandoned in some strange place probably crying for me and thinking I’ve just abandoned him.” Buffy replied, heartbroken by the reality of her situation. “He’s never going to grow up knowing that I loved him more than anything that I’d fight for him until my last breath. He’s going to grow up alone thinking he was unloved.”

“I know B,” Faith said as she walked over to the blonde-haired slayer and placed her hand on her shoulder. “But wherever your son is he gets to grow up and live a life it sucks he isn’t with you for now but at least he’s safe from this madness.”

“I’ll look through every spell book search the worlds,” Willow promised Buffy. “One way or another I will find your son and get him back to his mother.”

“No, we can’t go looking for him,” Buffy replied while drying her tears. “Wherever he is I know you put him somewhere safe which means he’s safe from them and if we start looking for him it gives Wolfram and Hart a chance to get their hands on him.”

“I don’t understand Buffy what you want me to do?” Asked a confused Willow.

“For Tristan’s own safety we tell everyone that he died, and we mourn him and try our best to move on from losing him.” Buffy revealed as her voice began to break. “If they think he’s dead they will stop looking for him and he’ll finally be safe from all this chaos.”

“Are you asking us to lie about Tristan?” Willow quizzed her before admitting. “I don’t think I could do that to Xander to Giles to your sister to everyone.”

“Buffy, Angel already lost his chance to raise Connor because of another god dam portal that sent baby Connor straight to hell only to return as a murderous teenager.” Faith said making her disapproval clear. “Angel may not be able to come back from losing another son.”

“We tell no one!” Buffy demanded with a furious tone in her voice. “As far as everyone will now this was the day my son Tristan Summers died.”

Willow walked into the prison style interrogation room at Giles’ slayer rehabilitation center to find Tristan handcuffed in chains to the table looking far from amused to be in this situation.

“I don’t like seeing anyone shackled in chains and handcuffs so for that I am truly sorry,” Willow apologised as she sat down at the table. “But when you have murderous tendencies precautions tend to need to be put in place to stop us all winding up dead.”

“This place is like some of prison and yet these chains aren’t as weak as the ones they used on me in prison.” Tristan replied before going on to ask. “Where the bloody hell am I?”

“My friend Giles prefers to call this place a slayer rehabilitation center prison’s kind of a touchy subject around here.” Willow admitted to him.

“So, basically I’m locked up with a bunch of deranged slayers.” Tristan scoffed. “Figures you lot would come up with a prison for your own kind.”

“Tristan, that’s an interesting choice of name.” Willow responded to him. “Who named you Tristan? Do you have any family?”

“No offense red but I’m not going to sit here and give you the dirt on the ins and outs of my life.” Tristan snapped at the witch. “I suggest you let me go before I have to go to the trouble of breaking myself out which I promise will be a pretty bloody prison break.”

“Tristan you have murdered several innocent defenseless humans not to mention your rather large murder count on slayers.” Willow snapped back at the raven-haired murderer making it clear she wasn’t scared of him. “We are going to keep you here at all costs until we believe that you will no longer be a threat to anyone which is a pretty good deal considering a prison would sentence you to life.”

“I find it hilarious how Willow Rosenberg is talking about me being the threat when your death count is rather intriguing yourself.” Tristan laughed cruelly. “I heard you once skinned a man alive before literally trying to end the world.”

“That was me during my darkest period but I’m not that person anymore.” Willow admitted. “We have helped many people escape their own darkness and taught them how to use their special skills for good instead of evil. I know you just lost the person you love, and I know how hard that is, but we can help you through it through all of it if you let us.”

“What is this some kind of widows club meeting?” Tristan asked clearly not impressed with Willow mentioning his recently deceased vampire lover. “I say you take these chains of me and I test how truly powerful you really are.”

“I know how delicious the darkness can be and I know how hard it can be to pull yourself out of it once it’s taken a hold of you but trust me evil maybe alluring but it costs you far too much.” Willow replied to try and get through to the troubled man. “But when you fight it when you come back from it and get to some form of normal again it helps heal those wounds.”

Willow walked out of the interrogation room and into a hallway within the rehabilitation center to find Faith anxiously waiting for her knowing she was hoping for her to say there was some hope for Tristan’s redemption as Willow feared there was no redeemed this long black haired psychopath.

“If this was a horror movie, he’d be the Chucky to your Tiffany,” Willow said to the redeemed slayer as she walked towards her. “Oh, great now that analogy is going to be giving me nightmares tonight.”

“Okay so what’s the next move then?” Faith asked her eager to know her thoughts about the man she found herself strangely caring for.

“To be honest Faith I think that guy is more in need of a psychologist instead of a witch but you were definitely more scary back in your vicious villain days so if you could turn your life around maybe there’s some hope.” Willow replied hoping to reassure Faith.

“Do you find there’s something off with him?” Faith asked the witch. “For some reason I want him to want redemption more than I wanted my own redemption.”

“Are you sure this obsession for him isn’t because of his name?” Willow asked her.

“It’s not because of some name a thousand other guys have there’s something different about this guy he’s as strong as a slayer yet not a slayer and he’s human it makes no sense.” Faith tried to explain her fascination with the raven-haired man. “Stay here for a bit longer and do your digging thing I need you to find out as much about him as possible.”

“I can’t deny my interest in finding out what this guy is but I should really be getting back to Buffy I don’t like leaving her alone for long especially since Dawn and Xander jetted off with baby Joyce to some weird hippy dimension.” Willow admitted to Faith.

“Come on red Buffy’s been a recluse for three years now and I totally get why but she’s still a bad-ass bitch who is more than capable than looking after herself for a while.” Faith reassured the witch.

“You’re right,” Willow admitted before taking a deep sigh. “I’ll look into this guy, but I make no promises I’ll actually be able to find out anything new.”

For a rehabilitation center specialized in helping slayers reform themselves and seek out to amend their dark path Giles’ slayer rehabilitation definitely looked a lot like prison especially for Tristan who had found himself locked up in a pretty bare prison cell sitting on the floor while bouncing a small bouncy ball against the wall.

“If your hoping to make some great escape by cracking the walls with a bouncy ball you’ll be spending a real long time.” Faith revealed to him as she walked into the room and stood outside of his cell. “You see the guy who runs this place was the watcher to Buffy and me very briefly, so he practically knows all the tricks in the books on how to lock up us super powered folk.

“Us super powered folk live outside of the laws that the normal people push upon the weak or at least we did.” Tristan replied as he stood up and walked over to the prison gates. “Leave it to a bloody watch to try and force laws upon the supernatural.”

“Yeah I’m not exactly a big fan on this whole project but it’s better than letting you go around killing people.” Faith admitted to him.

“I wonder where they keep the less pretty monsters for rehabilitation?” Tristan asked in a sarcastic tone. “Just fucking with you I know whatever you guys don’t consider human just gets dusted or killed without any chance to reform but hey we can’t complain that we’re privileged by looking like humans.”

“Keep an extra eye on this guy.” Faith said to the female slayer guarding Tristan’s cell after walking away from the long black-haired man.

“I’m sorry Faith but we don’t have enough resources to keep any more eyes on him he’s not our only prisoner.” She replied before going on to say. “Client.”

“I’m not asking for a god dam favour I’m making a demand.” Faith shouted at the guard causing Tristan to laugh to himself. “Get one of your prison guard wannabe slayerettes to help keep an eye on this guy before I show you why people don’t tend to piss me off.”

Faith walked back into the hallways of the so-called slayer rehabilitation center to find that this time Willow was the one anxiously waiting for her which could only mean one thing the clever little witch had already found out something about Giles’ latest prisoner.

“This prison rehab or whatever the hell Giles wants to call this place isn’t right for Tristan don’t ask me why I just know it’s not.” Faith said to Willow as she walked over to her.

“I agree,” Willow admitted while looking like she had just seen a ghost. “I agree so much more than you could believe.”

“You found out something juicy, didn’t you?” Faith asked excited to get some new information on Tristan. “What did you find out?”

“Give me a moment,” Willow snapped before Faith noticed the room spinning leaving her feeling dizzy before they disappear out of sight only for the two of them to reappear in the middle of somewhere nearby woods located a few miles away from the slayer rehabilitation center. “This play is far more discreet.”

“Next time let’s try walking here,” Faith said to her as she tried to calm her dizziness caused by Willows’ magic. “Why is this so top secret anyway?”

“Trust me Faith when I say the minute, I found out this info on Giles’ latest prisoner I needed out to get the hell out of sight because nobody can overhear what I’m about to tell you.” Willow revealed to her. “I ran his DNA into the criminal database which I swear gets easier to hack into every year and I found multiple records he racked up along with a bunch of fake names before finding out his surname was Black on his birth certificate only for him to change it himself when he was eighteen but that wasn’t even the strangest thing I found it. I then hacked into several hospital records putting everything online these days really isn’t a smart move and well anyways I found out that his original birth certificate was faked and there was no actual proof of Tristan Black-Summers’ birth.”

“Okay consider me well and truly lost Wills.” Faith admitted to her confusion while trying to work out what Willow was leading towards.

“I then went through all hospital records across the whole of America and found only three living candidates that were blood relatives to Tristan.” Willow continued to reveal.

“You did all that with such a short time Jesus no wonder no-one could beat Buffy back in the day with you by her side.” Faith replied shocked and proud of Willow’s research methods.

“Those three blood relatives were Buffy, Dawn and their father.” Willow divulged completely stunning Faith in the process.

“So, if I’m right little miss goody two shoes has a psycho in the family who literally stole the name of Buffy’s son.” Faith said while trying to make sense of Willow’s findings. “Is he a cousin, a long-lost brother…”

“Come on Faith you’re smarter than that I’m sure you can put the pieces together.” Willow replied while slightly mocking her friend.

“Oh, my freaking god,” Faith answered her as she finally realized. “The portal you put Buffy’s son three years ago was a portal to the past and the boy grew up to be the psychotic prisoner Giles is currently holding who is now only a few years younger than his freaking mother.”

“Tristan Black really is Tristan Summers.” Willow admitted. “He’s Buffy’s son and I have no idea what we’re supposed to do about this.”

Tristan once again found himself chained up and handcuffed to the table in the interrogation this time waiting for the founder of the slayer rehabilitation center wondering if he, Willow or Faith had found out his true identity fearing the truth would be spilled before he was ready to use it as his latest weapon.

“Well if it isn’t my favorite kidnapper.” Tristan joked as Giles walked into the room and sat down at the table.

“I would prefer it if you stop calling me your kidnapper and start calling me Giles.” He replied to him.

“You know what Giles you’re lucky I have a thing for older men,” Tristan flirted with his mother’s former watcher and his mother’s one-night stand. “But next time you want to get a little kinky I think it’s only fair that you’re the one being chained up.”

“Faith seems to have quite the interest in you Tristan why is that?” Giles asked Tristan completely ignoring Tristan’s attempt at flirting.

“The girl is clearly obsessed with me for some reason but she’s barking up the wrong tree.” Tristan told him noticing he was making Giles blush. “You’re much more my type to be honest I bet your wound up tighter than my chains I promise if you’re brave enough to cross the table, I’ll find a way of loosening you up.”

“I want to talk to you about your upcoming psychological evaluation.” Giles said to him in a desperate bid to change the subject.

Faith and Willow took some time walking through the woods nearby the slayer rehabilitation center as Willow explained to Faith that she must’ve sent Tristan when he was a baby into a past in which he was adopted by a family before eventually learning his true identity as they began to puzzle together how Tristan went from an innocent baby to someone so twisted.

“I can’t get over the fact that Tristan Summers should be three years old not in his 20s wanting to kill everyone.” Faith said in disbelief as she tried to understand the complicated turn of events that led them to this situation.

“The only thing that has kept me going that has kept Buffy going is picturing Tristan having this perfectly normal life, but that boy is far from normal.” Willow admitted to her. “I can’t begin to imagine what his life has been like all these years or what he must’ve went through to wind up where he is now.”

“Simple really he fell in love with a vampire very much like his mother then he killed a bunch of slayers not so much like his mother.” Faith joked trying to make light of the situation. “The real question is how the hell did he become so damn strong?”

“Well we know children of slayers don’t usually develop their powers but at the same time we know Connor developed special abilities from being a son of two vampires so if you take into notion his parents are a slayer and a vampire then his strength makes sense which is the only thing about his entire life which actually does make sense.” Willow explained to Faith. “Poor Angel we told him his son had died and now he’s back wanting him dead as much as everyone else.”

“He’s going to hate me for keeping this from him.” Faith feared. “I never wanted to lie to him in the first place I knew it was going to come back and bite us all in the ass.”

“There’s also the worrying factor about Wolfram and Hart I mean if I figured this out with a little research it won’t be long till they work things out and start looking for Tristan again.” Willow worried.

Tristan was once again back in his prison cell bouncing his bouncy ball against the wall harder and harder the sound clearly annoying his female slayer guard who gave in to his annoyance much to his own delight.

“Would you...” She began to ask but before she had a chance to finish her question Tristan launched the bouncy ball into her mouth catching another female guard’s attention who began rushing over to the choking slayer all while playing into Tristan’s hands.

Before the other guard could get to her fellow slayer Tristan quickly grabbed a hold of the choking woman’s neck instantly snapping it before grabbing the keys out of her pocket and throwing her lifeless body onto the ground as the guard look at him in complete shock and horror, Tristan using the remaining guards state of shock to quickly unlock his cell gate and walk out of his prison.

“What the hell did you do you’re monster?” The guard screamed at him before charging towards the callous murderer only for Tristan to push his gate open once again so the gate slammed against her face before the two began to fight.

The fight doesn’t last long before Tristan got the upper hand of the girl, grabbing a hold of her neck and snapping it just like the other guard as the second slayer’s lifeless body fell to the floor.

“Okay listen up bitches!” Tristan shouted down the hall noticing the many slayers in their many cells. “It’s time to get our own back on these bloody bastards for thinking they can lock us up like animals.”

Tristan wasted no time in making a run for it as he ran through an empty hallway before reaching a large window in which he looked out of horrified to discover nothing but a huge drop towards a large ocean before turning back around to see Giles standing in front of him holding a gun.

“No offense darling but I’ve had my fun and now I’m bored so it’s time for me to get the hell out of here.” Tristan told him.

“You killed two of my girls like it was nothing to you.” He shouted clearly furious by his loss at Tristan’s hands.

“You should never cage an animal and expect it to just follows your rules.” Tristan replied with a smug smile. “This little operation of yours is a complete failure.”

“Stay there or I will shoot.” Giles warned him. “I will shoot you.”

“Please you’re boring old librarian trying to redeem a bunch of wayward slayers you’re hardly going to shoot me.” Tristan laughed. “Although I do love it when you flirt with me.”

“You wouldn’t be my first kill.” Giles admitted to him.

“Okay this flirting is getting stale now.” Tristan said as Faith and Willow appeared from around the corner just in time for Giles to fire his gun three times.

Two bullets hit Tristan’s body with force one hitting him in the chest and another in the stomach while the third one hit the window causing the glass to shatter while the force of being shot threw Tristan backwards until Tristan fell out the window causing both Faith and Willow to scream out in horror.

A panicked Faith quickly ran over towards the window desperate to see some sign of Tristan only to be left horrified to see nothing but the ocean.

“I had no choice he already killed two of my girls.” Giles told them before Willow walked over to the former watcher and harshly smacked him across the face.

“You just shot and probably killed Buffy’s son.” Willow said to him with a cold stare completely furious by Giles’ actions. “He didn’t die we placed him in the past to protect him and after all this time we finally found him only for you to kill him.”

Willow left Giles in shock by her revelation as she walked over to the window to stand by Faith’s side as the two girls looked down to see nothing but ocean fearing that Buffy’s son wouldn’t have survived the fall even if he managed to survive being shot.

Tristan’s seemingly lifeless body washed up on the shore of a beach front completely motionless looking like he was dead, but his story was far from over his story was just about to change to the next chapter.

Suddenly Drusilla appeared from out of the nearby woods rushing over to the man she considered to be one of her children before lifting him up into her arms looking at him in the exact same way, she looked at him when he was just a baby.

“Oh no my little baby boy what they have done to you?” She said to Tristan’s unconscious body while continuing to carry him as she walked towards the woods. “But don’t you worry my littler cherub mummy is back now and I’m going to make you all better again.”

#buffy summers #faith lehane #willow rosenberg #rupertgiles #drusilla #angel #originalcharacter #buffy the vampire slayer #buffy #angel the series #btvs #buffyverse #buffyfanfiction #buffyfic #fanfiction #fanfic #angelfanfiction #angelfanfic #vampires #slayers #bangel #rogueslayers #redemption #chapter 4 #twistedtristan #alternative universe

[withallthingslove]

avengers endgame spoiler-filled review

below the cut bc spoilers obviously

even after two viewings this movie is super overwhelming so I’m just gonna jump right in

- clint’s family disappearing was so haunting and traumatic omg

- i didn’t like the music choice over the marvel opening crawl

- nebula was so adorably intense when tony playing footbal with her

- carol is such a bad bitch she just carried an entire fucking ship through space

- steve running up to tony and holding on to him... that was content I didn’t know I needed

- the pepperony hug ughhh I’m not a huge gwenyth paltrow fan but she was so good as pepper in this

- honestly I get tony has been through a lot but he was such a dick back at the avengers compound. I’ve always preferred steve to tony and that scene really displayed why. Yes tony was right something bigger was coming, but his way of going about preventing it was proven wrong both times. I don’t consider ultron to be super canon because joss whedon sucks but tony’s first idea to try and solve it failed, and then the accords also failed and even rhodey regretted it. Infinity war was basically “hey yeah the accords was dumb af and steve was right and now the avengers are scattered.” Both tony and steve were selfish and made mistakes in civil war but the fact that it had been over three years and tony was still soooo angry with steve and holding a grudge just rubbed me the wrong way.

- I really felt for thor when they went to get thanos. Chris hemsworth’s acting in that scene was so good when he realized they had failed

- again who on earth put steve in charge of a support group. And while yes its nice to have some lgbtq representation marvel is way behind on that so to me it did not feel like enough

- paul rudd did so well in this movie and scott is such a good dad ugh

- 10/10 would die for morgan stark. She is soooo cute and it was hilarious when she was like “mom told me to come rescue you”

- i know a lot of people are mad at tony dying bc he could have “retired” but that scene with his daughter before steve, nat, and scott show up shows he could not. He still had a garage where he built iron man suits and suits for pepper. That’s not what someone does when they are out of a fight. That’s why he fell back into it so fast because he never left it. He was still tinkering and preparing and even when he retired he was still fully ready to go back

- i like professor hulk but at the same time i miss bruce

- tony and steve love each other so much it made me so happy when tony showed up at the compound. they’ve had their differences but there is real love there

- speaking of real love I will still never forgive joss whedon for taking clintasha away from us like yes their platonic friendship is great but UGH. They love each other SOOOOOOO much 

- tom hiddleston as loki always steals the show and i miss him so much. I was convinced he wasnt dead so I’m sad that he was still dead in the current timeline. But maybe since there is now an alternate dimension with loki and the tesseract he will show up again

- him impersonating steve, his side eye, just... *chefs kiss*

- the america’s ass comment... amazing, iconic, beautiful. And then steve’s “yeah I know” comment to his 2012 self. I’m so glad the russos let steve be funny

- I love how much winter soldier played into this one especially since it was the russo’s first mcu movie. The elevator scene... steve outsmarting the hydra agents. Secretary pierce showing up... and then steve fighting his past self was just *chefs kiss* again. The fact that he knows his own weakness is bucky and uses it against himself 

- not excited to see tilda swinton’s character because its just a reminder of marvel’s whitewashing but I appreciated it trying to explain the timeline/dimension stuff

- i also loved that at the army compound tony was able to get closure with his dad, something he deserved for a long time. I think that was another hint he was going to die because his arc was completing while steve’s.... the look on steve’s face when he saw peggy just broke me. absolutely broke me. Steggy was my first ship in the mcu and so steve and peggy hold a special place in my heart. The fact she still keeps the picture of tiny steve after all these years (a reference to agent carter)... they both moved on enough to enjoy life but never truly moved on enough to leave the other behind. And so while tony was getting closure, steve was being reminded of what he wanted most and couldn’t have. I also loved the tie in with agent carter and showing Jarvis this movie was truly a fan service to us all

- okay so rhodey/nebula: so ive never been a huge nebula person but i really liked her in this movie. I loved rhodey’s line about “you work with what you got” as far as their disabilities. I felt so bad for new nebula because old nebula SUCKKSSS and I hate she had to face her. I loved that in this movie thanos was wearing his armor because 2014 thanos was not as strong or secure with himself. His energy was SO different compared to the thanos we saw in infinity war so props to josh brolin

- natasha/clint: Well go ahead and rip my heart out. The audience knows only one of them is coming back but they have no idea. And they love each other SO FUCKING MUCH they both tried to sacrifice themselves to save the other person. That is true love. Jeremy renner is such an underrated actor and his reaction to natasha dying just killed me. But so did scarlett johansson’s acting as much as I hate to admit it because I’ve really stopped liking her as much due to her recent acting choices but she played that scene so well. And I will miss natasha romanoff forever. She deserved so much more and paved the way for all the other female superheroes in the mcu

- everyone crying over nat and especially steve broke me. They had such a special friendship, almost as strong as her and clint and I feel so many people forget that because of how natural they were together. And her last words to him were that she would see him in a minute and then she didn’t come back..

- i just realized i havent talked about thor and thats honestly because my brain blocked it out. I like that they explored his depression but dont like that he was made the joke of the avengers and I don’t think it was handled well. I did enjoy his conversation with frigga and by that I mean it made me cry. (also loki deserves a conversation like that too don’t @ me)

- STEVE WIELDS MJOLNIR!!! IT WAS SO BADASS AND MY DREAM COME TRUE I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE EXCITED IN A MOVIE. To me that was the absolute highlight of the movie

- And then sam says “on your left” and all the characters come and the music... poetic cinema

- thanos is a weak little bitch and as soon as wanda was beating him he was fine with his own troops dying just so he could get away

- TONY AND PETER REUNITING CURED MY DEPRESSION AND THEN GAVE IT RIGHT BACK

- CAROL IS SO POWERFUL MY LESBIAN QUEEN

- sebastian stan has no business looking this good my god

- I forgot how much I missed peter parker

- I didn’t notice mbaku until my second viewing and honestly the wakandan characters were shafted like poor shuri we didn’t even know she was dusted until a few weeks before the movie

- I know everyone loves the scene of all the women characters carrying the gauntlet but honestly marvel has a long way to go before they reach equality and it honestly wasn’t enough for me

- side note pepper fighting back to back with tony was awesome

- ugh tony’s face when he realizes what he has to do and he looks at strange for confirmation... give rdj an oscar like my god. He knows that the past few years have led up to this moment and he is absolutely terrified and determined and I am tearing up while writing this because I am remembering it so vividly

- peter parkers goodbye had me crying why is tom holland such a good actor

- pepper’s goodbye BROKE ME... “you can rest now” I think that is the epitome of tony’s arc. For his entire storyline he has been trying to right his wrongs and save his friends and the world and that is so much for one man to carry on his shoulders and everyone knew it would be the death of him. I know tony stans are pissed off that he died, but I don’t see him just being able to retire. Obviously I didn’t want him to die, but his whole storyline has been leading up to this. He truly got a hero’s sendoff and was solidified as THE hero of the mcu. This era started with him and it ended with him. It was a beautiful sendoff for the character that started it all. And I don’t think rdj would go along with it if he didn’t approve

- Steve’s ending.... so I knew from spoilers what would happen and while it was something I wanted in theory I was pissed when I first found out. But it somehow worked. If you look at steve’s arc, he has always been a man out of time. For everyone getting mad he was hung up on a girl he kissed once, it’s pretty much confirmed in agent carter that he and peggy were on the DL for 3 years. she wasnt just a crush he knew for a few months. They loved each other and fought side by side for three years and time took him too soon. In age of ultron the only part I liked was steve’s vision where he gets a dance with peggy. As much as he moved on in the present, the possibility he missed with her always haunted him. You can tell in peggy’s video in the winter solider that even though she married and had kids, the thought of steve still gets her choked up. When she sees him as an old woman she immediately crumbles. They both have referred to each other as the loves of their lives. 

- So with that said, I don’t think it’s weird or out of the blue that he would suddenly decide to try and go back to peggy. They won, bucky is back and safe, sam is back and safe, he can finally rest, and he has the tools to go back in time. The way I interpreted it, Bucky 100% knew what he was going to do. The look on his face, the tone of his voice. He knew Steve was not coming back, and he also knew he deserved to have that happy ending. So while sam and bruce thought it would only be 5 seconds, bucky turned away from the machine, knowing steve wouldn’t show up there. I ship stucky too because I just want steve happy so while at first I was like “how could he leave bucky??” watching it on screen it made sense. Bucky approved of his choice, and while he was saddened by it, he understood it. 

- In my interpretation, I don’t think steve stayed in the main timeline. I think him going back created an alternate timeline where he married peggy, dissolved hydra earlier, and freed bucky earlier. At some point, those two timelines merged, and he wandered over to where he knew they would be. OR after peggy died, he used the technology to travel back to that timeline when he was old. Or my friend suggested he could have met tony stark in his alternate timeline and asked for his help. Who knows. He literally came back with a shield, meaning he was at one point captain america again in that timeline. I don’t think there is anyway he could just stay quiet for 70 years about bucky being tortured and peggy running shield that was secretly hydra. I refuse to believe that. If the russos come out and say that’s what he did, then I’ll backtrack and say I don’t approve of steve’s ending. But as of right now I’m okay with it. 

#avengers endgame spoilers #avengers endgame #avengers 4 #steve rogers #tony stark #natasha romanoff #clint barton #bruce banner #scott lang #pepper potts #peggy carter #steggy #bucky barnes #stucky #pepperony #carol danvers #thor #marvel #mcu #mcutext #marvel text post #mine

[fromdirectorlanawachowski]

honest and unmerciful endgame thoughts

a sequel to this post

this is deadass one of the worst movies i’ve ever seen.

a few brief thoughts before i get into the more or less play by play.

- making jokes about how time travel in movies isn’t really how time travel works doesn’t work if you’re a fucking movie dude

- fat thor was a fucking disgrace

- professor hulk has to have been 80% ad-libbed because there’s no way someone actually wrote that garbage dialogue

- using a past thanos was a mistake because we don’t actually give a shit about him

OKAY LETS GO

actually fuck it i was gonna do plot point by plot point but i’m just so exhausted i don’t have the strength to do it. i’m gonna go in broad strokes and if you want me to elaborate on WHY something was bad feel free to yell at me in the DMs

okay lets go

right away the whole thing with clint fucking turning on the spot as his family disappears was goofy as all hell. i know exactly what they were going for but having him literally turn on the spot instead of go into the house or go into the shed just draws attention to the absolute hilarity of how fast they vanished compared to others.

why the fuck was tony skin and bones when he got back to earth. i know he was in space for three weeks but they clearly show him eating during the montage of him and nebula doing.... things?

also everyone just kind of trusts nebula? okay? i’d be wary of purple aliens in light of what just happens but inclusivity i guess

also you mean to tell me that in three weeks they scanned the entire universe for gamma radiation? also enough gamma radiation that would show up on a scan from light years away but not fry everyone nearby when thanos snapped?

as soon as they killed thanos i knew the climax of this movie was gonna suck ass.

the writers have no idea how fast human hair grows if five years later natasha still has that godawful blonde dye on her tips

a fucking rat got scott lang out of the quantum realm. i don’t have any commentary for this because this scene speaks for itself. a rat.

moreover how did they even get the van down from the rooftop it was on at the end of ant man 2

fat thor. i don’t have any commentary about this either. the whole thing reeks of the russos looking at taika and going “you wanna be a funny man? you want thor to be fucking funny? you think he’s hilarious? fuck you”

oh i guess i did have commentary on that after all

i’m glossing right over the gay scene because again, taika fought tooth and nail to get bisexual valkyrie and now the russo shitters get to say they had the first canon lgbt character and it’s a couple of throwaway lines that can be redubbed for china. seriously. i don’t think there’s ever a scene where he says “he” or “him” while his lips are on screen.

apparently i am doing this relatively plot point by plot point but i digress

if i was keeping points like cinemasins (ew) i’d take a few off for morgan stark. i’m an bitch but not that much of one.

oh yeah pepper potts’ first of, i believe, four lines in this movie is “yeah i’m reading about compost”. i have no commentary for this either. it speaks for itself.

tony hits upon time travel in a day

i’m so glad we couldn’t get any real character development for anyone but we had time for the four minute “ant man becomes various aged forms of himself and then makes a peeing your pants joke in 2019″ scene.

“that’s how time travel works in movies this is real life” that’s great except that joke falls flat cause you’re a fuckin movie bro

i’m skipping over the entirety of the battle of new york thing because that was just fucking.... *benny hill music*

oh no i’m addressing the ancient one thing. love to have characters retconned into previous movies so they can try and explain the time travel in a way that actually makes it more confusing and also isn’t the way the movie follows

steve leering at peggy through the blinds was creepy, i’m sorry. actually the way he was suddenly obsessed with her this whole movie was really creepy.

howard potts

tony meeting his dad was so awkward and uncomfortable and they really meant for it to be heartwarming but i’m sorry it was fucking hilarious and i was howling with laughter in the theater

likewise thor with frigga. a really nice, emotional moment where thor gets closure with his mom and she overtly says she knows she’s going to die soon but she loves him and she’s so proud of him....

..... and then tops it off with a fat joke. the russos can’t let any kind of emotion hang without making a joke.

when they killed natasha a guy three rows down said “if they were killing her here why the fuck did they greenlight her movie then”

why did thanos get a scene confronting the cost of the stone but clint just wakes up in a puddle? are you gonna tell me thanos cared more about gamora than clint did about natasha? ok.

okay i’ll admit seeing quill dancing on morag without the background music was funny as fuck. rhodey explaining the punchline was not funny as fuck though

three cheers for nebula inexplicably having new abilities

as soon as they brought in past thanos i knew the climax of this movie was gonna suck a big ass

hulk snaps the iron infinity gauntlet because he’s the only one that can withstand the gamma radiation that it allegedly emits and has been mentioned only once before in this movie

the fact that it works is demonstrated by not anyone coming back, but ant man looking out the window at some birds. yeah. gee.

okay i have a question here that may take a little bit to explain.

earlier in the movie it’s explicitly stated they only have enough pym particles for one round trip each. that’s why steve and tony had to go back to 197X to get the tesseract and more particles. 

so.

past-nebula takes current-nebula’s place and uses her particles to travel back to the present, leaving current-nebula with no particles

so how did past-thanos bring his ship to the present with no pym particles

anyway past-gamora and current-nebula kill past-nebula to get the iron infinity gauntlet back

the final battle was whatever. i couldn’t for the life of me tell you what happened or where anyone was in relation to anyone else because it was cut so poorly

everyone comes back. remember at the end of my infinity war thoughts when i said the end had no stakes because obviously everyone snapped came back and you all got mad at me? everyone comes back.

the ladies all running the gauntlet would be cool if it wasn’t encompassed by shots of all the men running the gauntlet, drawing attention to the fact there’s literally only like seven ladies and one of them isn’t even a hero

joss whedon was the cinematographer the day they shot wanda fighting thanos, judging from all the gratuitous shots down her shirt. i know elizabeth olsen has nice boobs. believe me, i do. i’m envious. but for the love of christ stop being creepy voyeurs about it

also “you took everything from me” “i don’t even know who you are???” that was a great setup for her to use her mind powers and make thanos experience some suffering but they just didn’t do that so those lines are hilarious

tony gets the stones and snaps, killing thanos and all his army. thanos fades away into dust while a woman vocalizes in the background in a manner that’s less satisfying than when voldemort did the exact same thing in deathly hallows part 2

tony dies because i guess?

at the funeral everyone is there and there’s shots lingering on everyone including this weird kid who looks like he’d microwave a gerbil? i had to google him and it’s supposed to be the kid from iron man 3. i feel like seven years later you should probably put in a line like “thanks for coming <whatever that kid’s name was>

okay we’ve reached the part i have the absolute most beef with.

steve’s ending

from the start of this movie he’s been inexplicably obsessed with peggy. the ending is telegraphed from a mile away and i was still shocked and stunned that they actually did this.

so steve just gives up everything, all his friends and family, to go back in time to be with a woman he knew for max a year, in the heat of war, where emotions run high and they may very well have latched onto each other in case they died.

steve rogers, the man who wielded mjolnir, the man who broke his friend’s mental conditioning just be refusing to fight him, just sits back through the 50s and 60s and 70s and 80s and 90s. the cuban missile crisis, the LA riots, the assassination of JFK, the death of howard and maria stark, the infiltration of shield, the berlin wall, 9/11, the war on terror, and he just.... did nothing?

what the fuck was that

sam is captain america now though so i’m down with that

but i’m still so angry

this is beyond character assassination for steve. it’s... outright brutal murder and mutilation. anywhere i can, i give endgame a half star review FOR THIS ALONE. setting aside fat thor and how they treat Ragnarok, the fact they think steve rogers would, after everything he’s done and learned, go back into the past where there was still a chance he could help his friends in his own way, and do NOTHING, is the most infuriating thing about this barely-polished turd of a movie.

IN CONCLUSION i said infinity war was the worst movie marvel had ever put out and marvel went “haha we can do you one better”

endgame is just three hours of setpiece, gag, setpiece, gag, setpiece, gag, occasionally punctuated with emotional moments that aren’t allowed to hang long enough for the emotion to sink in before a joke is made, usually at thor’s expense.

#avengers #endgame #endgame spoilers #endgame critical #endgame critique #infinity war critical #avengers endgame

[papistark]

Okay. I’ve allowed a night to let everything sink in. I’m ready to talk about Endgame now.

*cinemasins voice* spoilers!! (duh..)

so the wounds are still fresh. v v v v v v v v v fresh. but my thoughts during the entire movie were just OMG IM TRYING TO REMEMBER EVERY SINGLE THING THAT IS HAPPENING SO I CAN REMEMBER IT AS LONG AS POSSIBLE BEFORE i inevitably go see this movie again

This is what the movie reduce me to like 99% of the time btw

now, I’m gonna try and break this up to be as organized as possible into 4 main sections which will be general thoughts, the highs, the lows, and closing thoughts. that may sound organized but I promise it won’t be and as always I’ll have to use bullet holes to even stay relatively "organized"

I'm sure I'm leaving stuff out that I either loved or would wanna discuss but tbh the ENTIRE FILM i was just like GOD I WANNA REMEMBER THIS FOREVER!! Every scene that happened i was like god there's still 3 hours of stuff that's going to happen but I want to remember it all!!!

Overall

this movie was good. and i’m mad it was so good and i found it so enjoyable for how dirty they did me. The pacing was pretty well done for a first viewing, but I'm sure after a couple rewatches I'll get caught up on the occasional misstep in the pacing and general direction the story took, but I really liked it!!

I thought the Thor stuff was kinda distasteful and honestly a joke that ran too long. Like ha ha okay we get it but also? He went through so much fucking trauma can we just lay off him? Damn? I don't wanna linger too much on it bc honestly the more I think about it the more I get upset the russos did him dirty

all the callbacks??? made me so emotional????? eleven years and almost two dozen films guys holy fucking shit it felt like such a good homage to bring stuff back

Yo literally when they went up to busted ass thanos i leaned over to my bf and whispered "are they just gonna kill thanos in the first ten minutes is that allowed" and uh YEP! WOW

Also the opening scene being Clint's family getting dusted... gasps in my theater y'all they went in hard on us

TIME HEIST!!!!!! FUCK marvel knows how to take you on a fun journey!! The concept was so fun!!

I also appreciate them mixing up the plot a bunch to keep us guessing!! Like fuck, when Thanos was finding out through Nebula... future nebula talking to past gamora i was SO SOFT... sisters...

Hulk was... weird. It felt a weird kind of fanservicey for a little bit, and honestly a little out of place? But. Eh. Wasn't the worst part. Certain parts of it were fun! I think I got used to it haha

Everyone looked. So good. After the time jump. Damn. Thank you make up department for everyone's new looks. I live for silver fox tony always.

I loved seeing Loki again i know it was so little content BUT I DONT CARE I'LL ALWAYS LOVE MY FUCKING PRINCE

We didn't get as much Nebula and Tony content as I was hoping but god it was so cute and tender in the beginning. Imagine all that bonding. Nebula finding tony on the floor, knowing he's on the brink of death, and propping him up in the seat :'(((( tony helping fix nebula :(((( the father daughter relationship we deserved and didn't get to see come to fruition.

AMERICA'S ASS. THANK YOU SCOTT LANG.

All the New York flash back was so fucking fun. The elevator scene. Brilliant. I really thought they were gonna recreate but it was such a fun tease. Also cap making fun of his past self for saying "i could do this all day" I SCREAM why do the Russo's get steve so well

Carol taking a direct punch in the face from Thanos without even flinching? We stan a goddess

ALSO SHORT HAIRED CAROL YESSSS I LIVED!!!!! YES!!!! (But also that movie could've used like way more Carol thats just mY OPINION)

Also AGAIN, I DON'T CARE THAT IT WAS FAN SERVICE, STEVE WEILDING MJOLNIR WAS E V E R Y T H I N G. They have TEASED US since that one middle avengers movie we don't talk about that he was worthy and!!! Our!! Son!! Is!! Fucking!!! Worthy. And the scene of thor making him swap w/ him "you get the little one" i screamed bitch

also I was living for how much Steve swore in this film lol literally fuck joss Whedon's characterization we don't know her!

Valkyrie on a Pegasus thank you THANK YOU i was living

That entire final action scene..... holy fucking shit y'all. It was just crazy enough without being too crazy. I loved the callback to the original long continuous shot

THE HEAVENS OPENED UP AND SANG WITH THAT A-FORCE SCENE. YES. ALL THE MARVEL LADIES LINING UP. THEY ARE HERE AND THEY ARE THE STRONGEST OF US ALL. A-FORCE. FUCKING A-FORCE. Thank you Russo's for my LIFE

Carol's little "hi peter parker :)" god i love them. I love peter. My fucking spider son. I missed him so much. I missed Tom Holland's sweet peach little face AH I CRIED WHEN HE SHOWED BACK UP

Also last kind of ~general~ thought i know i don't get time travel at all and it is an instant way to confuse me in any franchise but wouldn't steve doing what he did fuck literally everything up idk we'll get to steve in a bit

Highs

morgan

H.

fucking

stark

I CAN’T BELIEVE I GOT FED WITH SUCH GOOD TONY CONTENT THIS FILM ONLY FOR THEM TO STOMP ON MY HEART LMAOOO

DAD TONY BEING AS LOVING AND DOTING AND SWEET AND TENDER W/ HIS DAUGHTER AS WE ALL HAVE HEADCANONED HIM TO BE FOR YEARS!!!

TONY GETTING HIS JUSTIFICATION IN BEING MAD not just mad but PISSED at Cap for how everything fell out. catharsis. felt good scoob.

speaking of good tony content of course i need to just take a moment to YELL ABOUT STONY thank you russos for the fan service thank you for having tony ogle and comment on steve rogers’ ass it almost makes up for all the pain and suffering

btw do y’all think the H. for Morgan’s middle name stands for Harley because I LIKE TO THINK SO

also am i lowkey annoyed that like half of viewers won’t recognize an adult ty simpkin at tony’s funeral at the end even tho i know i shouldn't be because ot everyone is a die hard BUT half the articles im looking up for reviews and shit of that scene literally all the results are “SO WHO IS THAT KID AT THE END OF ENDGAME” YOU FUCKING FOOLS IT’S TONY’S FIRST BORN SON HARLEY KEENER FROM IRON MAN 3. FUCKS. im getting off topic anyway i was just happy they brought him back because I am an iron man 3 enthusiast and his relationship with tony was SO important and this confirms that at the very least tony kept in contact with him over all these years!!! and he wasn’t just some insignificant blip

Not to be stony on main but steve being the first person to hold Tony again once he was back on earth :)))) wrow.

Also the first thing tony telling him being "I lost the kid" WOW BREAK MY HEART MORE HUH!! WHY NOT!!

The first thing Peter doing when he saw Tony again :'') just rambling about everything that happened and tony just so happy to see him alive and hugging him so tight I'M NOT FINE!! NOTHING WILL EVER BE FINE AGAIN!!!

I appreciated the closure with Howard like?? A lot?? I'm the last person to be a Howard stark apologist, but I think his character and his relationship w/ Tony and how Tony viewed him as a father and as a man was so well crafted throughout the series??? Idk I liked that scene it was good to my baby.

And now a pOSSIBLY CONTROVERSIAL~~ opinion but..... I loved Steve's ending. I really did. I thought he got a beautiful and fitting ending and I was so happy. It meant so much especially to hear his reasonging being that in a way, he did it for Tony. He was inspired by what Tony told him. He saw Tony get his happy ending and for so many films now Steve has been searching for that and he missed an entire life. Tony helped him realize that. It just made me!! So emo!! Like Bucky's face when he knew Steve wasn't gonna be coming back. Steve's last convo w/ Sam. It was just amazing. I can't believe I'm seeing hot takes from people calling Steve selfish or blaming the fact that the Russos have a boner for Steggy or whatever. Who cares!!! Steve got his happy ending and it was well deserved and a wonderful arc!! Lay off him bc you ship him w/ Bucky or tony more damn!!!! (Idk about the timeline y'all dont come for me i really have no idea i think the Russos just said fuck it for that one even when talking about not fucking up the timeline)

Lows

Natasha deserved better. She did. I understand why they took her character arc the way that they did, and honestly, this is the first time I've felt we've seen Natasha have even a modicum of actual character traits since like, Iron man 2 and Avengers 1. She found purpose in keeping the family together and trying to help the people left living, while never stopping or losing contact with anyone else in their endeavors to fix what Thanos broke. As tired as I am of seeing a female character die for ~man pain~ this felt like so much more than that. In the end Nat wanted to sacrifice herself for the greater good, and that's what she did. I'm still fucking upset though, even though they've butchered her character across almost all the films she's been in

Thor being turned into an entire fucking joke. That's it. I got nothin left for the writers at this point.

So..... let's talk about Tony's death, shall we

"You can rest now" broke me. It truly did. I've never loved any fictional character across any medium as much as I have loved Tony Stark. But Pepper's line at the beginning "you'll sleep, but will you rest?" Is so fucking telling. I think I immediately knew for sure in that moment. Because she's right. And that's the worst part.

Peter :)))) finally :)))) calling :))))) tony :)))) by :)) his :)))) first :)) name :))) as he was dying :)))) asking him not to go the same way he told tony he didn't want to go when he was getting dusted GOD. AND WE THOUGHT THAT SCENE IN INFINITY WAR WAS ROUGH. HAD N O T H I N G ON THIS.

No offense but where was Rhodey when Tony was dying lmao ok

That funeral scene.... seeing everyone there drawn together..... god. It was beautiful. It really was.

Of course I'm not happy. I'm extremely fucking upset. I knew tony wielding the gauntlet would be coming, but I thought they would find a way for him to make it out alive. As soon as they were showing that even the hulk couldn't handle it with the gamma radiation, I knew the nail was going to be in the coffin.

All that aside... what I can say, is that if they HAD to kill him off, I think it was a proper send off. We saw so many arcs of Tony's come to a close, and I knew it was just a matter of time. Also that being said, I really don't believe in death being necessary to end a character's arc. Yeah yeah blah blah we get the sad and tragic but TRUE message that at the end of the day death is inevitable and that tony had to sacrifice himself for the greater good. He and Strange both knew it, and as soon as Strange held up that finger I knew that was it for him.

It wouldn't be so hard if they hadn't given us everything they did with tony after the 5 year jump. He healed. He was HAPPY. But pepper was right, and as long as Tony was alive... he would never truly /rest/. And that's the only way I'm able to make peace with this death. Tony has always been a character who was just going going going, never going to stop even if it killed him, all to protect the ones he loved, and protect the whole world and make it a better place. He had a beautiful story that was told so well over these past eleven years, with admitted shortcomings here and there. He had the most cohesive trilogy films, the best character development and arcs, and an incredible portrayal. I'm grateful for it, but that doesn't make it any easier that they decided to go and show us that Tony was able to FINALLY settle down with Pepper and see him find the best version of himself as a husband to her and a father to his little baby girl. A baby girl that now has to grow up without her dad, and pepper has to go on without her husband, the love of her life. It's fucking tragic and honestly, we didn't need that imho lmao

The hardest parts is that like.... idk. I feel like the only reason they killed him is for shock factor, but somehow without the shock? A lot of us felt or were worried that this was coming. I think the russos and co. We're just totally set on the idea that like... tony HAD to die and that was the only way for this arc to come to a close not just WITHIN the universe, but meta, outside of the MCU as well. They did the same thing with Hugh jackman as Logan and that shit HURTED me y'all. Eleven years we had RDJ give us this amazing character and he is the SOLE reason the MCU is where it is today. So you know what, the Russo's and everyone can circle jerk about how much ~poetic justice~ there is in this ending for Tony, but at the end of the day... it just ain't it fam.

Realistically I know after wielding the infinity stones there is no way Tony, a human, could've survived, even with his armor on. I knew that. And as biased as I am towards seeing Tony living, if he had wielded the stones and NOT died? It would've felt cheap. So again, if they had to end his life, I appreciate the way they did it and thought it was the best send off they could've given him. I also would've appreciated some kind of alternate option where oh i dont know carol or someone strong enough could've handled the snap and tony could live the rest of his days with his wife and daughter and found family but..... ig that's just me huh.

:(((( Happy asking Morgan what she wanted and her saying "cheeseburgers" SHE'S JUST LIKE HER DADDY I AM SO!!! UPSET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And last thought is that I fucking cried AGAIN because the biggest applause moment was during the credits when RDJ's name appeared. My theater gave a standing damn ovation. Also the very last sound after it faded to black... Tony hammering away, building the very first Iron Man suit.... that shit hurted.

If any of y'all read this and wanna yell about stuff w/ me I WELCOME YOU INTO MY DMS LMAO PLS MESSAGE ME I NEED MORE PEOPLE TO CRY WITH!!!

#avengers spoilers #endgame spoilers #avengers endgame #endgame #have my classic word vomit long ass post after a marvel movie mess of a review lmaoo #long post

[dtissagirl]

I fought the war but the war won

Warning: all the spoilers for Avengers: Endgame.

OF COURSE I have no doubt Natasha would sacrifice herself for the world in a heartbeat.

And between her and Clint, it's obvious her thinking is he can have a future with his ~family~, and she's obviously been insanely isolated these last five years, and filled with regret, and sacrificing herself for her found family [and saving the universe in the process] is worth it for her.

But my problem is I don't acknowledge the existence of Clint's family because that's a dumbass story idea from the worst movie ever GO AWAY LINDA CARDELLINI.

And watching Nat and Clint back together made my heart ache because those two belong together -- romantically if you prefer it so, but mainly together as in partners that work insanely well together in a fictional narrative. They have had this lived-in chemistry from the first Avengers, and I didn't realize how much I had missed it until this movie.

[Fuck Joss Whedon with a cactus forever.]

[Someone make me that Black Widow movie and show me Budapest. I DESERVE IT.]

...

And then the scene with all the dudes in the lake angry-mourning Nat looks REALLY REALLY BAD because the only thing that emotionally rings out of that scene is HOLY SHIT THEY FUCKING KILLED THE ONLY WOMAN OH MY GOD PLEASE END ALL MEN WRITING SUPERHERO STORIES BECAUSE THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW HORRIBLE THE OPTICS ARE WHEN THEY FUCKING KILL THE ONLY ORIGINAL WOMAN AVENGER IN THE FIRST HALF OF THE MOVIE THAT'S SUPPOSED TO CELEBRATE THEIR LEGACY. HOLY FUCK.

...

Holy motherfucking shitballs what they did to Thor was a supreme case of extreme fatphobia. So fucking embarrassing. And they could have done the exact same depression/PTSD shit without a fat suit. Fatness is NOT a character flaw, and for this movie to think it's okay to portray it as such, and for most people in the audience to not even realize how horrible this is... well, that's the fatphobic world we live in everyday wherein thin people don't realize how fucking horrible they are about fatness ALL THE TIME. Ugh.

And hey, I think Hemsworth is a comedic genius at this point, and I'm super glad Hollywood at large has realized he can run circles of funny and comic timing around everybody else [THANKS, GHOSTBUSTERS!], but the fat suit soured it forever in this movie.

...

Look, I know at this point Goop is a hazardous danger to women's health at large, and call me a hypocrite for separating actor and character this particular time when I usually don't, but I love and adore and cherish Pepper Potts with all my heart.

SHE is the reason I'm so connected to the MCU. My hook wasn't any of the superheroes, it was Pepper in the first Iron Man movie. She's the glue that has made me engage with this universe so deeply for the last ten years. All the fanart, all the fic, all the fanworks ever I've created or consumed in the last decade, it has been all about how much I adore Pepper.

And to see her in the Rescue armor in the final battle, I just. I wasn't expecting it. I hadn't even thought it was ever gonna happen, but THIS was the true culmination of the past ten years for me. From now on, I can say it without a doubt every single time someone asks me who's my favorite Avenger. It's Pepper Potts.

[I also kept thinking about my friend S. She would have been so fucking ecstatic about this. It hit me right in the face when Pepper showed up in battle -- I so dearly wish S were here to see this.]

...

Okay, so, disclaimer: I don't have a horse in the Steve Rogers 'shipping infinity wars. I crack 'ship Steve with Maria Hill forever and ever because they would make the prettiest babies on the planet and I don't even like babies. The only part of Ultron that I acknowledge is Maria wearing Steve's jacket at the party. It's the ONLY thing that happened in that movie, NOTHING ELSE DID.

And I don't even blame Steve in any of this mess, to be honest.

The problem here is structural. The narrative went OUT OF THIS WAY to establish HOW time-travel works in this universe. They even got all gloat-y about how every movie ever made was wrong about the ~quantum physics~ of it. They even had bald Tilda Swinton MAKE A POWER POINT PRESENTATION about the rules of time travel.

They set up ONE very specific rule -- changing the past doesn't alter one's own future, it creates a separate timeline of events. O-kay. Pretty simple rule.

...And then Old!Cap who looks scarily like Joe Biden broke that one rule.

Because he did. He went back in time and put all the stones in their proper place in the timeline[1]... and *after that* he went back to the 40s to live happily ever after with Peggy[2], THUS ***CHANGING THE PAST*** and *****CREATING AN ALTERNATE TIMELINE*****.

So there's no. fucking. possible. way. he could have grown old in the original timeline.

And like. They could have fixed that by having Joe Biden Old!Cap legit come back IN THE TIME TRAVEL SUIT IN THE QUANTUM PLATFORM. THAT WOULD HAVE FIXED THIS PROBLEM. But they didn't, so they broke their own story.

And the consequence of this fuck up is... Steve a horrible person. [And even writing that makes me sad because he isn't? He wouldn't ever?] But by breaking their story and their own time-travel rules, it fucks up Steve so badly I wanna cry. So what, he lived a whole life in this same timeline, and did nothing to change anything? Did he marry the future DIRECTOR OF SHIELD and never told her about Hydra? About Bucky? Did he open a newspaper one day and read that Howard and Maria Stark died in a car accident and went, oops? Did he pretend he was sick when his wife told him she was going to the funeral of her lifelong friend?

Do you see how badly it looks? It's bad. The Steve I know and love doesn't deserve this. Please go punch the Russos in the face, Cap.

Notes:

[1] HOW did Steve even put the stones in jewel form back in their proper places in the timeline when they stole the Tesseract in cube form, the mind stone with the scepter, the whatever stone that was they got from Star Lord that was inside an orb... HOW do you even put the soul stone back, like, does Cap go to Vormir and goes, oh hey, RED SKULL MY OLD BUDDY, MY OLE TIME FELLA, here's your soul stone back? Does he get Natasha back for the stone? Isn't it a soul for a soul? Does it work in reverse too?

[2] Hey, so if Steve lived happily ever after with Peggy in this timeline did he erase her future kids? This is Barry Allen levels of fuckupdness, Steve. Gah. And also -- I would pay actual monies to watch time-traveler Steve explain to Peggy that after he went to her funeral he kissed her niece. This is why I 'ship Steve with Maria Hill, man. No complications. Only pretty.

Also: STEVE ROGERS ERASED THE ENTIRETY OF THE AGENT CARTER TV SHOW. That's pretty unforgivable, man. They even had TV show Jarvis right there in this movie driving Tony's dad around in the 70s to make THIS BETRAYAL hurt more.

...

Four hours after I watched the movie I remembered Tony died and started ugly crying again. I'm glad he had those five years of a good life, I'm so glad he had a kid -- that kid, so obviously HIS kid it hurt, I'm so glad Pepper and Rhodey and Peter were there with him in his last moments. I'm glad he got the proper hero death. It still hurts like a son of a bitch.

...

Professor Hulk is a forever delight and he and I need to become besties so we can talk about quantum physics and eat hulkish amounts of breakfast foods every day.

...

I find Thanos to be a complete bore, so every time he sat and started monologuing I stopped paying attention because I DESERVE TO NOT have to listen to giant purple incels pretending they ~know best~ about anything.

But I did appreciate that there was a difference in tone. This was 2014 Thanos, before he went full on cray cray with the monologuing, so he spoke less [bless], and he went full nihilist I AM GOING TO DESTROY THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE instead of only half of it ~for balance~ or whatever. Because Infinity Wars tried to make it like Thanos wanting to kill 50% of the universe had some sort of ~logic~ behind it, and that was way too close to ~both sides~ shit, and, no, son. Him wanting to destroy EVERYTHING put him in the right proper category of batshit crazy bananapants deranged, and that's where he should have been ALL ALONG, no ~he has a point~ arguments ever valid, he doesn't, he never did, shut the fuck up.

...

I actually really really enjoyed the pacing of this movie. Granted, I'm not stupid and I took a muscle relaxant beforehand so that I could sit still for one hundred and eighty two fucking minutes, but I honestly didn't feel it drag at all at any time [and I felt all the other Avengers movies drag at some point or another].

I appreciated it so much that the set up for the final battle took waaaaay longer than the final battle. [I know people go ga-ga for battle scenes, but eh. I prefer my superheroes as pretty people who talk really fast, and battles make them stop talking.]

My favorite sequence was the revisiting of the previous movies. I loved every single piece of it, and I know in my heart that I'm gonna rewatch those sequences over and over and over again for the rest of forever. THE CAP 2 ELEVATOR SCENE REENACTMENT BUT NOT REALLY OH MY GOD THAT WAS GLORIOUS.

Also Loki stealing the Tesseract [again!] was aces. Sure it was to set up extra time-travel shenanigans, but still. Loki and the Tesseract belong together. Please let this be the premise of the Disney+ series.

...

Even though battle sequences aren't really my thing, I would like to express my DEEP ABIDING LOVE for the part when all the women got together to help Peter move the Big Glove of Kitsch towards the van. My packed theater clapped so hard. I cried.

...

HOW DOES PETER PARKER GO BACK TO SCHOOL FIVE YEARS LATER AND HIS BUDDY IS STILL THERE DID HIS BUDDY FLUNK HIGH SCHOOL FIVE YEARS IN A ROW? WHAT?

...

Also Cap and the Hammer, the actual true love story of this movie. Thor's little "I knew it". I knew it too, buddy.

...

I'm gonna need Marvel to release the behind the scenes footage of the filming of Tony's funeral. I hope the cast had an actual party right there, all somberly dressed in black and everything.

...

After a full season of 22 episodes of television in a movie screen, this was a pretty great finale. Congrats on making the most expensive tv show of all time, Marvel. Excelsior!

#mcu #marvel cinematic universe #avengers #avengers endgame #endgame #movie #spoilers

[preserving-ferretbrain]

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

by Wardog

Monday, 23 July 2007Wardog opens the inevitable slew of Harry Potter by bitching and moaning.~Reviewing Harry Potter has got to be something of a pointless endeavour; I mean, if you like Harry Potter you'll read it anyway and if you don't, well, you probably have more self respect than I do just about now. The truth of the matter is, I don't like Harry Potter any more. Once, upon a time, when they were tautly-plotted, slim-line, above-average children's books I was very fond of them. But now that they're a sprawling, insufficiently edited Phenomenon I can't read them without frustration, and yet seem to be incapable of, you know, stopping. It's depressing, I think I need a twelve step programme. Given that the book has evolved beyond conventional reviewing (and that's not a good thing) here are some assorted observations.

Needless to say: spoilerific, including death spoilers

Plot & Pacing

As in the preceding two books, this is completely wrecked. Although it has a beginning and a reasonably climatic ending sequence (the Battle of Hogwarts, because that's all we ever really cared about anyway, wasn't it?) everything in between seems jerky and uneven. Essentially, it consists of long stretches of exposition interspersed with pockets of reasonably exciting action sequences, as Team Potter infiltrate the Ministry, Gringotts, Malfoy Manner and finally Hogwarts with varying degrees of success and pointfulness. If I was feeling generous, I would comment on the thematic nature of these incursions, and how resonant it is that everything that Harry was introduced to in the earlier books as a source of protection and authority is now corrupted. But I'm not feeling generous; Harry, Ron and Hermione spend an enormous quantity of the book sitting in a magically protected tent in the middle of nowhere, dithering between hallows and horcruxes and reading Rita Skeeter's biography of Albus Dumbledore.

Aside from one or two chapters at the beginning of the book, the Harry Potter books have always been told entirely from Harry Potter's point of view. The reader sees what Harry Potter sees, and hears what Harry Potter hears. This comes with attendant advantages and disadvantages. It brings the reader close to Harry and makes you root for him, it also rigidly controls the flow of information between author and reader. But it also means that for anything to happen, Harry has to be there. That's why he spends such a lot of time crawling around beneath his invisibility cloak listening in on plot dumps. Needless to say, the same holds true of the seventh book; the whole wizarding world is at war but we hear of it as Harry does, through daily prophet articles and occasional communications. There's no sense of scale or grandeur. It's unpleasant, yes, and oppressive but it packs only a limited emotional punch because the reader, like Harry, it stuck in a freaking tent.

Furthermore, a large portion of the book is told through letters, extracts from books, articles, memories, long autobiographical interludes from minor characters who suddenly turn out to be important. It's not precisely tedious but the preoccupation with the backplot, as ever, hinders the build to a dramatic climax. There's even an intermission, I kid you not, an intermission in the final showdown so Harry can peg it off to Dumbledore's office to re-live the last seven books from Snape's perspective. Perhaps I'm old fashioned but I don't think three chapters from the end is a good place for a massive exposition.

I'm not saying there aren't good bits, because there are. Neville kicks Dark Lord ass, for example, Dudley, of all people, has a moment of touching redemption and Luna remains just fabulous throughout. But the book seems to have no sense of itself as, well, a book. Books need to build to something, books need pace and structure, books need to be edited! But as Dan said, it's not a book, it's source material.

Style

Perhaps a demonstration is in order...

A quote from Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets:

"Hang on..." Harry muttered to Ron. "There's an empty chair at the staff table.... Where's Snape? "Maybe he's ill!" said Ron hopefully. "Maybe he's left," said Harry, 'because he missed out on the Defence Against the Dark Arts job again!" "Or he might have been sacked!" said Ron enthusiastically. "I mean, everyone hates him --" "Or maybe," said a very cold voice right behind them, "he's waiting to hear why you two didn't arrive on the school train." Harry spun around. There, his black robes rippling in a cold breeze, stood Severus Snape. He was a thin man with sallow skin, a hooked nose and greasy, shoulder-length black hair, and at this moment, he was smiling in a way that told Harry he and Ron were in very deep trouble.

Aww. Just typing that out made me nostalgic for happier times when I actually used to enjoy reading Harry Potter. A quote from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows...

And then with a little shudder the elf became quite still, and his eyes were nothing more than great, glassy orbs sprinkled with light from the stars they could not see.

I know they are very different books and the seventh book is infinitely "darker" (I'll come on to this later) in tone, setting and intent from the second, and I also know that there's something like seven real world years between them. But if this is evidence that JK has developed as a writer, I would like to point out that she appears to have developed a rambling, overwritten and overwrought style in place of the clean, sharp and witty one of the earlier books. You're meant to get better, the more you practice, right?

I could, perhaps, forgive the above but it's not an isolated incident. The stars are cold and unfeeling throughout; it's worse than being in a Hardy novel. And people don't just die, they die with Tragic Gravitas, their "eyes [staring] without seeing, the ghost of [their] last laugh still etched upon [their] face." A little less verbiage and a little less hysteria could have benefited this book immensely.

Character Death: the Massacre of the Minors

Characters die in Harry Potter, we have always known this. JK Rowling makes a big deal of it. It's how we know she is writing Serious Literature for children instead of a bunch of silly books about a teenage wizard. Reading the books, it's obvious that JK prides herself on her portrayal of death and its after-affects on the loved ones of the deceased.

The suddenness and completeness of death was with them like a presence - The Deathly Hallows.

This is at its best when it's understated, for example the lingering psychological consequences of the death of his parents on Harry which seeps through the pages of all the books. When it is all about Making A Point about JK's conception of herself as a writer, it is unsurprisingly less effective. I don't mind that Sirius died, I mind very much that he died to Show Us Something About The Nature of Death.

The Deathly Hallows has a higher death count that Hamlet, except that they're all relatively minor characters including, of all people, Colin Creevy, the poor pointless bastard. This says nothing to me about the harsh and futile nature of warfare, but it does scream "cheap shot." I hate it when authors kill off their emotionally engaging wallpaper characters just because they can and then expect the reader to applaud them for being dark and courageous. I felt exactly the same way when Joss Whedon gratuitously killed off Wash in Serenity. It was easy to kill Wash, he was a great character who everybody loved but he was also completely irrelevant in terms of the plot. His death was a quick way to wring an emotional reaction from the audience without causing the writer any inconvenience to do it.

People die by the bucketload in Deathly Hallows (including Harry's owl, for crying out loud), but none of the deaths are meaningful, with the possible exceptions of Fred, Remus and Snape. Most of them, including Lupin's, occur off camera and are thus stripped of any emotional resonance whatsoever. I can't help but suspect that JK must have loathed Remus, one of her most popular characters, by the end. He spends the whole book dashing in and out of focus being stripped of any plot and then, oh look, by the way he's dead. And Fred was essentially a

spare

Weasley, having, you know, an identical twin. It's the most cowardly half-hearted selection of deaths I think I've ever encountered.

Against this arbitrary massacre, the survival of all the main characters seems both ludicrous and damnably unfair. I'm not saying that I wanted Harry, Ron, Hermione and/or Ginny to die but if you're going to make a hoo-hah about how being a children's author is like being a cold, callous killer you probably ought to stick by your machete.

Which brings us nicely onto...

Dark, man, dark

I have one answer for this and it's oh pulease.

Having waited around politely for Harry to finish school, Lord Voldemort has finally got round to taking over the wizarding world. Quite a lot of nasty things happen in Deathly Hallows and there's a 1984ish air of secretive corruption and control but Harry Potter's darkness is about as sophisticated as a teenage goth's, and remains about as cosmetic. The nastiness is always a hazy, unconvincing background to the well nigh miraculous survival of all the main characters. Hermione, for example, gets captured by Bellatrix at Malfoy Manner and, although she horribly tortured in a scene that is genuinely chilling for about half a second, she shrugs off the experience with the ease de Sade's Justine. And Hogwarts may degenerate into a horrendous nightmare of cruciatus-enforced discipline but the students respond to this with a Blytonesque "down with those rotters" jolly hockey sticks glee that completely undermines any sense of oppression or abuse.

Similarly, although Lord Voldemort swoops around being threatening and imprisoning wandmakers, the Death Eaters themselves continue to be the most appallingly incompetent bunch of nazi-wanabees ever to grace a page. Not only do they routinely fail to capture or kill (and, occasionally, even recognise) the three teenage wizards who keep infiltrating their strongholds but they spend so much of the book being punished for ineptitude by their own master, it can almost be considered a form of self-harm. Regardless, it's hard to take them seriously as opposition.

It is mildly interesting to see Harry himself stooping to some of the unforgivable curses with barely a qualm. But this seems to be less a case of dark, man, dark than convenient, man, convenient.

Paging Lord Voldemort

This is an aside connected to the general incompetence of the Death Eaters. In the seventh book, the Dark Mark seems to function primarily as a communicator, which means the greatest dark wizard, like, ever spends the book being yanked about the country by his incompetent minions. There isn't a scene like this in the book, but there should be:

Random Wizard: ARGHRGHGH!!

Lord V: CRUCIO!

Random Wizard: ARGH! Mercy! Mercy! I'll tell you everything. Please ... stop the pain.

Dark Mark: [ring ring]

Lord V: I'm sorry, I have to take this... [talking into his elbow] Hello, yes, Lord Voldemort here ... I see ... are you absolutely certain of that? You thought you'd captured Potter fifty pages back. Oh. You've definitely got him this time. On my way.

Remus, Tonks and Sirius

Let's move on to character for a bit. I have always thought the Remus/Tonks relationship felt bolted on, and suspected it was a "ya boo sucks" to fanfic writers which made me even less sympathetic to its inadequate presentation. As Harry and Cho and Harry and Ginny have comprehensively revealed, human relationships, especially romantic ones, are not JK's strong point. But Remus/Tonks, partially because we only ever see it second and third hand, has always seemed particularly lacklustre. Harry, as a protagonist, does not preoccupy himself with the moods and inner workings of his companions; therefore in Half Blood Prince we were occasionally told Remus and/or Tonks looks sad or angry or otherwise distracted but then left to either draw our own conclusions or hear about the reasons long after the events that inspired it.

This unsatisfactory portrayal continues, unabated in Deathly Hallows. Off-camera, they get married, have angst, and Tonks becomes pregnant. Remus comes on-camera long enough to angst further and then retreats back into married bliss. Their child is born (Team Potter are sitting in their tent as usual at this point), Remus evinces delight and then he and Tonks are both killed at the Battle of Hogwarts. To say it's massively dissatisfying and frustrating is to do massively dissatisfying and frustrating things a great disservice.

Oh and as a footnote to this, it turns out that Sirius has girly pics on his bedroom walls. Just to make it absolutely clear that he's straight, completely straight, you got that slashers?

Dumbledore

You would have thought the one concrete advantage to Dumbledore being definitely dead would be avoiding the long Dumbledore Explains The Plot chapter at the end of the book. But, no. Death just isn't the handicap it used to be in the olden days and it happens anyway. Stab me. Stab me now.

Just as Order of the Phoenix tore away the veil of unquestioning admiration and idolisation Harry (and, presumably, the reader) felt for the Marauders in a conceptually interesting but badly executed way, Deathly Hallows does the same for Dumbledore. Harry is forced to confront the truth that his beloved mentor was a real person, a man with faults and weaknesses just like any other. I always found Dumbledore a little difficult to take but it's hard to tell how much that was deliberate on the part of the author (he's the worst headmaster in the world, for example - imagine you were in Slytherin house at the end of Philosopher's Stone, how would it feel to have the house trophy goiked out of your hands by some random world saving after the whole hall had already been decorated in your house colours, saving the world is all very noble and everything but it's hardly a legitimate extra curricular activity) and how far it was me reacting against his role as a plot device, explaining or withholding information on the most spurious personal pretexts to make life easier for his author.

But the fact of the matter is that Dumbledore is too imperfectly drawn in books one to six to be effectively interpreted as anything other than a two dimensional mentor figure. Therefore Harry's Dumbledore-related angst in the seventh book interferes with the smooth running of the plot and feels completely hollow because ultimately it doesn't matter. He's dead, for God's sake, dead. It's just too late in the day to care about Dumbledore's family skeletons and, since he was always presented to the reader as a kindly jelly-bean eating mentor figure, the additional "complexity" feels like an unconvincing and irrelevant ret-con.

That Bloody Epilogue

Of all the stuff that was leaked onto the internet before the book was officially released, the epilogue was the only one I investigated. I dismissed it as a clever parody. It was just too sickening. Draco's receding hairline had to be a joke. The legion of incestuously named rugrats, ha ha, very funny.

Oh wait.

No.

That was real.

It was really real.

Dear God.

Worst. Epilogue. Ever.

Conclusion

Sadly, everyone else I've spoken to (with the exception of Dan, obviously, but we share a brain) has been deeply enthusiastic about Potter. So perhaps I'm just a grumpy old git and didn't deserve to enjoy it.

It still sucks though.

Themes:

J.K. Rowling

,

Books

,

Young Adult / Children

~

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Arthur B

at 19:21 on 2007-07-23Don't worry, I am also grumpy about Potter. I briefly considered actually bothering to read

...and the Half-Blood Prince

in order to prepare for

Deathly Hallows

, since I'd stopped after

Order of the Phoenix

, but in the end I couldn't be bothered - especially after I got around to reading summaries of it, and reading patches of it in Borders.

Thoughts:

- Speaking of cheap shots, doesn't Voldemort randomly kill the Sorting Hat for no good reason?

- And doesn't Voldemort essentially die because of a totally newbie mistake? Which Harry carefully explains to him before Voldemort goes ahead and screws up anyway? Doesn't Harry basically loophole his way to the win?

- Aren't

these people

overreacting a little?

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Wardog

at 20:42 on 2007-07-23Oh I totally forgot about the random death of the Sorting Hat! And, yes, Harry Potter wins by being a PC - he is the Joe Williams of children's fantasy.

That is a slightly over-reaction, yes...but people are not sane when it comes to HP.

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Mystiquefire

at 18:36 on 2007-08-11Trust me you are not the only one who thought this book sucked.

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Wardog

at 21:38 on 2007-08-11I think I'm so bitter because I was once very into Harry Potter. And I think I've become incapable of recognising its strengths any more. I mean what I've come to think of the puzzle-box aspect of the books (plots within plots) is probably better done than I give it credit for being. For example, according to the friends I have who still like Harry Potter, if you go back, you can genuinely trace a hint of the "true" Dumbledore throughout all the books. Sadly I genuinely can't be bothered.

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empink

at 12:12 on 2007-08-24

Sadly, everyone else I've spoken to (with the exception of Dan, obviously, but we share a brain) has been deeply enthusiastic about Potter. So perhaps I'm just a grumpy old git and didn't deserve to enjoy it.

No, you are not. My hate for DH grows with time's passing, actually, and though I'm well out of my tween years, I'm not yet a grumpy old git or anything approaching it ;).

Well, I might just be plain grumpy, but that book was enough to make me so, even when I just expected more possibly crappy source material for fanfic, fanart and so on. While it hasn't seemed to have as great an effect on fannish output in my little corner of fandom (mostly because of extenuating wankumstances), what little effect it *has* had has produced fic and art I'm still avoiding. Not because the fans I keep track of are not talented in their own way, but because I still can't bear to read things that are compliant with Deathly Hallows, cracktastic though they may be. Instead of making me chortle at the weirdness of fandom, the cracky ships that have sprung up just make me see more red. More...more epilogue. *shudders*

The whole book was just so *bad*, in places where it wouldn't have taken more than a little judicious effort to be the opposite. The few good bits it had just weren't enough to hold back the tide of useless jokes, stupidities, non-characterizations and daft deaths. It therefore feels hugely ironic that DH is the only HP book I have a copy of to this date (well, a paper copy).

Then again, I doubt I could reread the earlier books now without rolling my eyes and sighing knowing what is ahead for Harry. Incapable of recognising the series' strengths looks about where I'm standing now.

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Wardog

at 10:54 on 2007-08-27Many thanks for the comment - one of the problems with DH in terms of fandom, perhaps, is that it closes off more avenues than it opens, if that makes sense. Especially in terms of the Epilogue of Death because everyone is permanently dating the person they were doing at school. I wouldn't say no to a bit of twisted Dumbledore/Grindelward m'self but I can't see it eclipsing the amusing if pointless popularity of Scorpius/Albus-Severus (just *shudder*). Sadly, I have copies of all the books and although I tried to re-read them a few months ago to prepare for DH I couldn't actually get beyond 3. Sigh.

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M Harris

at 11:19 on 2007-10-04One of the most irrating things in book seven was Voldemort's lack of a plot or any sort of meaningful action. I spent the duration of the book waiting for him to kidnap people Harry was emotionally attached to and torturing/killing them until Harry came to him. We are continuously told of how unusually smart and clever and intelligent (and handsome)Tom Riddle was. So it is completely out of character to have him become inept. But of course Lord Voldemort being strategic and cunning would mean that Harry would have to form some sort of plan, and as he is clearly incapible of that I guess JKR had to stick with him sitting in a tent for a very long amount of time while Voldemort killed time by killing minor characters.

Another thing that really angered me was JKR writing that Snape based his entire life on the fact that he was in love with some girl when he was fifteen. It made his character lose any sort of depth he had gained through the other books. The dialogue between AD and SS of "After all this time?" "Always." made me want to kill people.

The halfnaked!pictures in Sirius' room could have ONLY been put there as a "fuck you, I'm writing the book" from JKR to the slashers. I have no idea why she felt so threatened that she needed to close that particular opportunity for straying from 'everyone is straight and get married to people they met when they were eleven and have large amounts of children named after dead relatives' Deathly Hallows.

(Hahahaha, Dumbledore/Grindelwald is canon, because she can't write another book to insert girl!porn in to say otherwise.)

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Wardog

at 12:40 on 2007-10-04Indeed, Voldemort's ineptitude is particularly annoying in book full of things that are particularly annoying. I remember those halycon days when Voldemort was actually rather scary... the drinking unicorn blood business really traumatised me. To be fair, the whole seven book arc is so unwieldy I'm not sure I could easily come up with a way for Voldemort to have been effective by book 7 without completely hindering Harry's ability to take him out. I think it actually comes to the contradiction that lies at the heart of most children's books (and for that matter a lot of detective stories): why is that the group of feisty kids able to take out fully grown villain when conventional law authorities have failed, or why is this cocaine-saturated amateur able to catch the criminals who have been defying the finest minds at Scotland Yard. Most texts go some way towards smoothing over these inconsistencies (i.e. the Secret Seven always end up alerting the police when it comes to the crunch, Sherlock Holmes is a specialist in a proto-forensic techinque that - although nonesense in the modern day - is unknown to the authorities) but JKR manages to have the worst of all possible worlds: hugely powerful wizard we should all be scared of who has taken over *the entire ministry of magic* versus one short-sighted kid with an expelliarmus.

And, yes, you're right - the whole Lily business makes Snape much less complex and interesting than he used to be.... although I almost hovered on the verge of finding it just a little bit sweet. I was desperate for emotional connection by that time in the seven hundred page monster.

Dumbledore/Grindelward? Ouch.

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Melissa G.

at 15:07 on 2009-12-08So, I've been in a "reading sporks of Harry Potter" mood which led me back to many of the articles here, and I just wanted to point something out about Colin Creevey's death, and maybe someone else has said it already, but...it is not actually possible for him to have been there to die.

It's said that he snuck back from the Hog's Head into Hogwarts to join the battle. The only problem is: he can't have been at the Hog's Head in the first place. He wouldn't have been at Hogwarts that year - being Muggleborn, he would been arrested and sent to concentration camp(?) - so he couldn't have been evacuated from Hogwarts to the Hog's Head to sneak back. And he couldn't have gotten into the Hog's Head from the outside because Hogsmeade has a curfew curse thing that would go off if anyone was walking around the streets late at night. Perhaps he Apparated into the Hog's Head? But why? How would he have even known the battle was going on then?

I know it seems obsessive, but it's just that it was such a cheap shot, and it isn't even possible given the rules she set up. Arg.

#Ferretbrain #Harry Potter #J.K. Rowling #Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows #Wardog

[mj-spooks]

Tag Meme: 10 Badass Ladies

rReally the prompt was just ‘ten favorite female characters in different fandoms’ but my female favorites are automatically badass so there @not-actually-ur-sassygayfriend I hope you enjoy

1. Minerva McGonagall, Harry Potter. Okay, look, Jo’s done and said some really stupid shit the last couple of years but I stand by Minnie, aka the one thing she did right (well one of two things, Hagrid also exists). McGonagall takes no shit and gets shit done. She loves fiercely but doesn’t let that love make her weak or afraid, instead she turns it into the strength she needs to do what’s right. Truly an idol. #goals

2. Harley Quinn, DC. It should be no secret to anyone that I love me some Harley. Right off the bat lemme be clear, I do not ship her with Joker. I stand firmly on the ground that, as I’ve seen said before, he is her origin story, not her love interest. And what an origin story! Harley is awesome. She’s wicked smart, smarter than most anyone thinks because she never lets on so that she can use it to her advantage later. She’s been through a lot of shit and deserves credit for how hard she’s worked to come out on top.

3. Michonne, The Walking Dead (tv). Don’t get me wrong, I love her in the comics too, I’m just not as into that version. The show version, on the other hand, is everything I wish I could be in the zombie apocalypse (and everything I know I would totally not even remotely be). She’s strong, determined, loyal, brave, I could go on. And in spite of everything she’s been through, she manages to retain her empathy and her heart. She loves just as hard as she fights.

4. Parker, Leverage. First of all, every character on Leverage is the best character. So it’s a hard fight for me to choose between Parker and Sophie. But, at the end of the day, I love Parker in a way I don’t love Sophie, because when it all starts out she doesn’t even remotely have her shit together. She’s a mess. She’s awkward as hell and has no social skills, highly intelligent and yet exceptionally naive, and overall can someone please just give her all the hugs she ever should’ve gotten in her childhood because for real. Watching her grow and learn to let people in as the show progresses warms my soul. Also, she’s frikkin adorable.

5. Cordelia Chase, Buffyverse. This one was also hard! I love all my Buffy ladies in different ways. That said, I think Cordy was the one that had the strongest growth up until Joss Whedon got pissy and fucked her character over. She started out as the typical Queen Bee Bitch and through trials and tribulations and generally being forced to look in the mirror, grew into a kind, generous person. She never entirely lost her her roots, of course, but those little moments of shallowness or vapidness just managed to make her endearing once she grew beyond them being her entire personality.

6. Peggy Carter, MCU. I could honestly write an essay on all the reasons I love Peggy and why the cancellation of her show was the worst thing ever. What can I say, I admire strong ladies who don’t take shit. She’s brilliantly snarky, quick as a whip, can hold her own in a fight, what’s not to love? The way she fights for what’s right, the fact that she doesn’t hesitate to break rules when she knows it needs to be done, how much she genuinely cares about everything and everybody, she’s just all around great.

7. GladOS, Portal. Does it count if the lady is an AI? I SAY IT DOES. GladOS is the queen of snark, and I bow before her. Portal is my favorite video game of all time and it is entirely thanks to how much I abso-frikkin-lutely love the antagonist. I read somewhere that the original version of the game, GladOS was so mean that playtesters didn’t want to keep going, so they had to re-write her dialogue to make her nicer. It is my one wish in life to somehow gain access to and play the original version. Also her backstory is heartbreaking without taking away anything from her actual character and that’s something I admire the writers for.

8. Tiny Tina, Borderlands. Another one where I wasn’t sure which lady to choose. I love all the characters in this series because they’re just. They’re the best. Overall favorite is Handsome Jack who I swear I ought to be able to put for this just because he’s such a drama queen, but that would be breaking the rules. ANYWAY Tina is great. Normally this type of character bothers me, because it’s really hard to write it in a way that feels genuine. But, the writers of Borderlands pulled it off. Somehow, this homicidal little girl manages to be equal parts vicious and innocent, sweet and scary. I just want to give her a hug.... while praying she doesn’t try to kill me when I do it.

9. Alya, Miraculous Ladybug. The best friend in the world. 10/10 would die for, because I know if she were my best friend she’d die for me. Always there to help Marinette and is seriously just amazing. A little crazy and a lot determined, her stubbornness knows no bounds. She is the poster child for not backing down. Snarky and doesn’t let Marinette wallow in her insecurity, instead bolsters her up through a good mix of teasing and genuine encouragement.

10. Leia Organa, Star Wars. Seriously who else would I choose?! I grew up with Star Wars. Star Wars was my entire childhood (not really but close). I found out when I was five years old that I had the same birthday as Carrie Fisher and from that moment on all I cared about was being Princess Leia. The ultimate badass team mom, clever and smart and strong and a little broken, but she never let anything stop her. She kept on keeping on even in the darkest of moments. Honestly I’m a little in tears right now thinking of how much this woman means to me.

Tagging time! @getclever @mightyxray @solembum22 @charbonne01 @trilobytes-and-trilonybbles @sarahsshoelaces @glowing-and-confused @dftblove @rawrcandycore @ninawolv3rina

[tallskinnyvanillalatte]

Castle Episodes (Season 5)

And the season 5 post. You can find the previous posts here.

5x01 After the Storm: This episode contains one of the earliest memories I have of this show (well, except for the kiss in 4x23). I wasn’t watching the show back then but I remember the fandom talking about that scene where Martha walked in on Castle and Beckett and Beckett having to hide in the closet. The beginning is HILARIOUS. One scene after the other. First Beckett and Castle. Then Beckett hiding in the closet. Then Alexis hungover with Castle a little insulted that she didn’t call him to pick her up (she did, he just didn’t answer). Hungover Alexis is just so adorable.

5x02 Cloudy With a Chance of Murder: “Act normal” lol. Lanie notices right away that Beckett had sex because she had that glow. Castle is being so silly on the weather station playing with the green screen, it’s hilarious. “Shouldn’t they [Ryan + Espo] be back by now?” “Maybe they hit traffic.” “Maybe they hit each other.” Well, they both did return with a black eye. Beckett calls Castle and it’s a harmless situation but to Beckett it sounds like Castle is being attacked, so she rushes over to his place, only to find Castle’s date literally on Castle. And the first thing he says is “I know who the killer is”. Ryan and Esposito make up by the end of the episode. “or maybe we’ll be amazing” aww yes you will. Castle and Beckett are so adorable in this episode with their hiding and their jealousy and whatnot.

5x03 Secret’s Safe With Me: Alexis is packing for college. Castle smiles real proud and goes “my little girl is going to college”. The smile on his face is priceless. Martha knows about Castle and Beckett. And Castle told Alexis. And now Beckett is scared that Alexis will tell Lanie who will tell Esposito who will tell Ryan. Castle has two grand in his pocket because he’s a best selling author, so why shouldn’t he lol. Eunice. Now what’s the Castle book that came out after this episode and is there a character called Eunice. “If it’s the reservations you care so much about, why don’t you take your girlfriend.” oooh looks like Alexis is jealous or something. Turns out that the whole situation with her leaving home is just too much atm, so it’s not about Beckett. Gates is starting to like Castle, there’s some really awkward, yet hilarious scenes. She’s even reading the Nikki Heat series. “Best handshake ever” - as if that handshake was more sublte than a kiss though lol. “Because no matter what, you’d be there. And I’d wake up and everything would be fine.” .. “if you need me here, here’s where I’ll be.” Their goodbye made me cry so hard when I watched the show for the very first time because I watched it like a year after I left for University. And now I’m tearing up again because this scene is so beautiful and things are quite tough at the moment and boy does this scene trigger some emotions. In the end, Gates hates Castle again because he broke one of her Gemini dolls she’s been collecting. Castle returning home with no Alexis there - brb sobbing some more.

5x04 Murder, He Wrote: Beckett and Castle are going away for the weekend together. It’s so cute how Alexis and Martha pressure him to pick some nice restaurants and make some plans. No sight of jealous Alexis from the episode before. The shots of the beautiful scenery is really painful - I just got home from vacation a couple of days ago and could really use one again, so why would you do this to me. “I can’t deny that I brought other women up here... but none of them were you.” awww. A almost-dead guy falls into Castle’s pool being dead and he goes “call 9-1-1″ with Beckett saying “ya think?!”. Of course they can’t just enjoy a quiet weekend away. “So we’re Brangelina now?” “No, we’re.. Rickate. No, we’re .. Kate-ick. Cas-kett. Oh, that’s good cause of the whole murder thing, casket.” In an interrogation, Ryan finds out that Castle and Beckett are dating. It’s hilarious when he talks to Castle on the phone omfg. I love that he didn’t tell Esposito, though, but said that they should just drop it because it was Beckett’s private life. Respectful :’)

5x05 Probable Cause: Awwww look, that’s Esther from Torchwood :’) The beginning with Castle and Alexis is hilarious. I just don’t like that Alexis disappeared right away and didn’t spend any time with Castle, only came home for food and laundry. Castle’s fingerprints are on the door and the doorframe at the crime scene. Ooopsy. Ryan tells Espo about Beckett and Castle giving the circumstances because things are not looking good for Castle. It is so intense, they are even arresting him at his place. It’s heartbreaking when Martha and Alexis arrive at the precinct and then also see him behind bars. And then there’s ‘evidence’ that Castle was havin an affair with the victim and that he was also planning the perfect murder which is the exact same murder that happened. God, it’s so intense and emotional. And then there’s 3XK who’s behind all this. “Watching you and your daughter talking a walk” it gets even more intense when he brings Alexis up in all this. The ending was too easy. Too public. 3XK isn’t dead and it’s exactly how Castle said. He wanted to get shot, so that they’d stop looking for him and he could start killing again.

5x06 The Final Frontier: I have no idea who those guys are but I ship the Captain and Chloe. Oh no, she ... shot him or something. A murder at Supernova Con. I loooved the Firefly reference. Castle says that he’s a fan of good Sci-Fi - he mentiones a couple including “that Joss Whedon show”. “Perlmutter, so good to see you again” “Ah, if only the feeling were mutual” I just love Perlmutter’s love for Castle <3. Beckett is such a fangirl of Nebula-9, it’s adorable. It gets so awkward when Castle spots Alexis at the convention dressed in ... well, a bra, some feathers and a bit more fabric on her neck and arms. Castle makes a fuss and wants to give her his jacket (yes, the outfit is hideous but he’s embarrassing her big time). Thankfully, Beckett pulls him away and Alexis can just go. “How do I unsee this” same though. Alexis and Castle later decide to just ignore what happened and never talk about it. “I’ve been waiting ten years to do that, bitch, nobody takes over my ship” loved this. And may fortune guide your journey.

5x07 Swan Song: Ooooh, it’s the episode that is filmed through the cameras. Like a documentary or something. It’s weird but also interesting. And I like it, as long as it’s just for one episode. Something’s wrong with Beckett’s hair. It’s interesting to see how the characters deal with the cameras and the public’s attention - for example Esposito put on a different shirt to show off his body. Also the title card, well, the music, is some rock music for the band. Lanie, Esposito and Castle are so hot for the camera, whereas Beckett is super annoyed, it’s hilarious. It’s just a bit weird when the camera is in the interrogation room and you can’t see it in the mirror (in another scene you can spot it, though). Gates also loves the camera, it’s hilarious how smiley she is. Also, when they went to the black screen, they should’ve added a sound similar to Castle’s “badaba-daba”. There’s Esposito singing. The ending of the episode is HILARIOUS. Beckett tricks the camera men into going in some random storage room and then she sticks out her tongue, winks and closes the door. It’s dark in there, the camera is black, the episode is over. Now, I don’t remember too much of the case but the episode itself is hilarious. Such a different perspective, so many great scenes.

5x08 After Hours: Awww they are having dinner with Beckett and her father at Castle’s place. It does get a bit awkward between Jim and Martha. The argument between the two of them turns into an argument between Beckett and Castle since they both defend their parents and take their sides. Castle and Beckett get into trouble trying to protect a witness that is being targeted by a mobster’s guys. It’s hilarious - Castle and Beckett are ‘fighting’ the whole time and the witness is freaked out and annoyed, and the situation is so intense and dangerous, there’s actually no point in fighting. Jim and Martha bond over their children being missing.

5x09 Secret Santa: watching a Christmas episode in August, fun. That poor little girl that has to watch Santa fall from the sky into the snow, dead. Castle still has some Christmas ornaments that Alexis made for him in first grade <3. I don’t like that Alexis and Martha have other plans for Christmas Eve. I’m with Castle on that one. How hilarious is Castle though, writing “Kris Kringle” on the murder board underneath the victim’s photo :D Gates is hilarious, talking about her mother-in-law. How awesome is the Santa school though. Castle is going through a little crisis with everyone making different plans than celebrating Christmas Eve at home. Beckett’s reason for her different plans are really sad, though. It’s because her mother was killed in January and they still had their Christmas decorations up and when they took it down, it felt like they put Christmas away for good. Ever since then, her father went up to his cabin and Beckett worked the Christmas shift, and they never took out the decoration again. “So go home, make a baby. You’re ready” awww we’re talking about a Ryan baby <3. In the end, Martha and Alexis cancel their plans :’) and then it’s Castle who decides he has to be some place else lol but Beckett is right in front of his door because some detective took over her shift <3. Merry Christmas! Now I’m in such a Christmas mood on August 02 with 25°C outside lol.

5x10 Significant Others: Meredith is supposed to take Alexis on a trip to Paris (it’s ironic how Alexis will be in Paris in five episodes anyway, just for not so fun reasons) but Alexis is sick. It’s adorable. Meredith comes over anyway to take care of her (how is it that we only saw her two times throughout the whole show). Beckett is so upset about Castle letting Meredith stay with him - she’s staying at his place as well because her place is getting fumigated. That whole discussion is so annoying tbh. There’s this annoying scene where two formerly married people destroy each other’s stuff to get back at the other. “I love her but with mono she’s a bit of a bore” lol Meredith. IT’S THE EPISODE WITH A CHARACTER BILLY PIPER IN REFERENCE TO BILLIE PIPER. AND LEANN PIPER ALSO IN REFERNECE TO BILLIE PIPER. I love this. Martha is having a glass of wine and the wine looks a lot like water wow. Alexis told Meredith that Beckett and Castle’s relationship was serious :’)

5x11 Under the Influence: Esposito bonding with the kid is adorable. We also find out that Espo’s parents got divorced when he was five and his father went to Florida with his new girlfriend. Esposito also went to juvi for assault and resisting arrest, unlawful possession. Esposito taking care of the boy <3

5x12 Death Gone Crazy: Castle finds Alexis’ vlog page and he’s not too happy about it because she’s sharing personal information with the whole world (and in three episodes, this will become relevant again). Martha and Beckett think he’s overreacting, but he actually makes Alexis come up to the station to tell her about his concerns and worries. “Sorry we had to cop block you, bro” :D “Dad, I know you want to keep me safe. But the only way to do that is to wrap me up in bubble wrap and hide me in a cave.” “Believe me, I’ve thougt about it.” .. “But that doesn’t mean I’m gonna stop worrying or I’m gonna stop caring or reminding you from time to time that you are, indeed... wrong.” “And I wouldn’t want you to.” <3 I love their relationship so much, it’s so important to me. Have I mentioned that already? “Do you think he’ll one day accept his granddaughter?” “Absolutely.” “What makes you so sure?” “Because a father would do anything for his daughter.” <3

5x13 Recoil: “Previously on Castle...” hell yes. It’s about Bracken again, but this time he’s not the killer but the target. “You really are remarkable, you know that?” awww. it’s so intense with Beckett protecting the person that killed his mother.

5x14 Reality Star Struck: Valentine’s Day is coming up. Gates is a little “Wives of Wolf Street” fangirl. I love how Martha, Alexis and Castle are watching the show together. And it’s so bad that Castle is like “shoot me now”. For some reasons, he’s watching it all night though. “You watched just one episode? That’s like eating just one potato chip” I LOVE THIS QUOTE SO MUCH. Oh my God there’s this scene where Castle slips his valentine’s gift (earrings or something) into Beckett’s jacket but it’s actually not Beckett’s jacket but Gates’.  “You two are back toget- .. spoiler alert” :D Beckett interrogating Bob is hilarious, she’s basically screaming at him the whole time, it’s hilarious. THe poor guy is so scared :D Aww Lanie and Esposito are going on a date together. It’s hilarious when Gates confronts Castle about the earrings. Beckett’s gift for Castle is too perfect - an empty drawer :’) And then I’m pretty sure there’s a piano version of the song playing that played in 4x23 when Beckett and Castle were making out.

5x15 Target: I don’t really know what to say about this two-parter because it’s my all time favorite Castle episode. I’ve seen it so many times, I know most of the dialogs by heart. I love Castle and Alexis’ relationship so much and seeing him worried sick about her, so devastated, almost hopeless, it’s just... I can’t describe it. The episode holds a special place in my heart.

5x16 Hunt: Same for this one. Though there are one or two things that I wish had gone differently. But I won’t complain because at least we got an episode with Alexis in peril. And it’s so important to me and I love it so much.

5x17 Scared to Death: The victim died three days after watching a dvd that said she was gonna die in three days. And since Castle watched that disk at the crime scene as well, he’s afraid that he’ll die in three days, too. “Ah, Detective Beckett! ... and defective Castle” I just love Perlmutter’s hatred for Castle :D Awwwww is that Romy Rosemont? :’) Awwww, I can’t stop smiling, hi there bb, so good to see you:’) The ending is kinda spooky with Beckett and Castle being at a cabin in the woods to protect the possible next victim - at night of course. “It#S you” omg no it’s not Romy. It then turns out it’s not Romy but you can see the killer passing the window with Castle and the guy talking in the cabin, not knowing that the killer is right there oh my god. It gets a lot less scary when you can actually see the killer. It’s hilarious how Castle beats her with holy water though. Awww Castle’s top 1 on his bucket list from three years ago is “be with Kate” <3 I just find it weird that there’s no mention of Target/Hunt in this episode whatsoever. Like, no worried Castle calling up Alexis to see if she’s alright. No Beckett asking how Alexis is doing. Nothing. It’s also weird because in season 8 “Child’s Play”, Castle tells Alexis that he wouldn’t leave her out of his sight after Paris. Well, I haven’t seen any of that in season 5.

5x18 The Wild Rover: Espo to Lanie “I thought you liked it when I played doctor” and he wants to fistbump Castle who just shakes his head. Aww, hi there, Jenny. We learn about Ryan’s past, about his undercover assignment. “I’m his best friend, she’s just his wife”. It’s heartbreaking when Ryan goes undercover again and you see Jenny’s teary face. It gets really interesting seeing Ryan as Fenton, though. It’s hilarious when Ryan calls his team for backup and then he also calls Castle who says “Seriously? I- I didn’t bring my vest”. The episode ends with Jenny telling Ryan that she’s pregnant and it just makes me smile so hard :’)

5x19 The Lives of Others: Aww Castle hurt is leg showing-off while skiing. Martha is leaving for a spa trip and Castle guilt trips her because she’s away during his birthday. “It is a spa trip, not a guilt trip”. Alexis gave Castle binoculars and he actually starts watching random people in the building across the street because he’s so bored. Then, he actually sees a murder in the apartment he’s been watching - or at least he thinks so because a man with a knife walks into the bedroom where his cheating wife is. He can’t see what happens because the blinds are closed. Oooooh nice, this is the 100th episode - the title card is awesome, the blood showed a little 100. Anyway, when Espo and Ryan go to that house, there is no body. Of course Castle doesn’t stop watching the guy. He’s convinced he killed her and he keeps seeing evidence for that, but Beckett doesn’t believe him, so he wants to film the guy but when something fishy actually happens, it takes him too long to get the camera started ;D It’s hilarious when Alexis starts watching the guy and says that he’s taking off his clothes and that he’s cute, so Castle takes her binoculars, but then she just gets another pair :D They then watch him together eating popcorn, I love this. “If you [Alexis] get caught, you’ll get an B&E on your record and you’ll never become President” :D :D :D  “When you [Beckett] do it, it’s an illegal search. When I do it, it’s just illegal.” I love Castle logic. Eventually, Beckett goes over to the guys’ apartment because Castle thinks the body is in the fridge, but the guy ends up attacking Beckett and then the lights go out and Castle is shitting his pants. He calls 911 and rushes over there, Espo and Ryan kick in the door and then there’s everyone yelling SURPRISE :D WIth a huge “Happy Birthday” banner. They just set that whole thing up as a birthday present and to kill his boredom. He loves it. ANd I just love that Castle’s birthday was actually ABC Castle’s birthday as well. “How many murders do you think we solved since we met?” “I don’t know, maybe a hundred or so?” “A hundred... Here’s to a hundred more.” Spoiler alert: not gonna happen :( Also, you wouldn’t believe that Alexis was abducted to Paris just a couple weeks ago. No sign of ptsd or the like.

5x20 The Fast and the Furriest: “I don’t sleep eat. I’ve never sleep aten.. sleep ate... sleep eaten, have I?” lol at Perlmutter for saying “oh, the B-Team” disappointed when Ryan and Espo came in :D Castle sets up a trap for the person stealing his food and then late at night, he hears it go off and sees Alexis with a blue face (she makes a really cute smurf btw), just running off :D Castle on the hike is hilarious. “Oh, that is not good for my knee” they manage to mention a silly injury from last episode but they can’t keep up with Alexis’ abduction?! Turns out, Alexis was giving her allowance money to some guy named Jonah - she was supporting his project that could change the world. Her talk with Castle at the end is super cute.

5x21 The Squab and the Quail: Let me start by saying that I have NO idea what the title means. Apparently, both are kind of birds.  “One squab, one quail” ah, there we go. Castle decidign between Beckett or a video game, loool. Esposito looks weird. His hair is too long and the stubbles.. nah. There’s a bit of tension going on between Beckett and Castle because of jealousy and taking someone for granted, stuff like that. Alexis is really supportive, reassuring that Beckett is taking their relationship seriously. Martha, on the other hand,... not so much ;) The ending is kinda like ??? with Beckett asking “Castle, where are we going?” “To the bedroom. Come on, you’re gonna love this” and then Beckett looks all ???

5x22 Still: Boy that shot of NYC is gorgeous. I really need to travel to NYC again, it’s been too long. Also, the three times I’ve been there were only for a weekend, so I couldn’t explore it fully. But there’s so many places I haven’t visited that I need to see, ugh, the struggle is real. About the episode. Beckett is standing on a bomb. Castle is worried but won’t leave her side. Aww flashbacks to the early seasons <3 GOD I MISS THIS. They also mentions Beckett’s various hairstyles over the years, I love this. The flashbacks are gold. Castle acting like a cop, I’m cracking up. Beckett says I love you, Castle says it back. “oh for heaven’s sake, detective, just kiss the man” :D The flashbacks on all the kisses though.

5x23 The Human Factor: There’s a scene that’s supposed to be super funny but it’s just not. I’m just not feeling the episode. At the end of the episode, Beckett gets a job offer for a job in DC. 

5x24 Watershed: Beckett in DC does not feel like Castle at all. “Is this about Paris?” FINALLY WE’RE MENTIONING THIS LIKE WOW. “And yeah, I still have nightmares, ... “ tell me more, show me more. “But it’s not gonna stop me from worrying about you or missing you.” awww “And I wouldn’t want you to.” Awww that’s the same dialog from another episode, this would make a great parallel gifset. This scene was really nice, but I wish there had been more follow-up on Alexis and Castle, you know. How they dealt with the events. “..there’s no way I’m letting Alexis go to Costa Rica now.” lol yeah. Ryan tells Esposito that Jenny is pregnant and Ryan is all smiles, it’s beautiful (I didn’t expect that scene cause I thought he had told him already). Of course Castle is upset that Beckett didn’t tell him about the job interview and didn’t include him in her plans. There’s a beautiful conversation between Martha and Castle about the issue - Martha is awesome. Beckett and Castle meet at the swingset again to talk. And then Castle proposes to her and the episode ends. It just ends. Like, in what universe is that okay. Thankfully, I can go right on to 6x01.

#castle episodes #k watches castle #abc castle #castle season 5 #personal

[wbwest]

New Post has been published on WilliamBruceWest.com

New Post has been published on http://www.williambrucewest.com/2017/04/21/west-week-ever-pop-culture-review-42117/

West Week Ever: Pop Culture In Review - 4/21/17

Star Wars Celebration (I can’t say that without thinking of Dave Chappelle’s Rick James yelling “It’s a celebration, bitches!”) happened in Florida last weekend, and we got our first teaser trailer for Star Wars: The Last Jedi. Folks seemed to like it alright. I’ve never claimed to be the biggest Star Wars fan, but nothing about this really gave me a Force Boner or anything. That’s probably because Rogue One left such a bad taste in my mouth. Anyway, I’m sure I’ll see it, but it’s not really on my radar.

In other movie “news”, we got the track listing for Awesome Mix Vol 2 from Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2., which comes out today. Is it just me, or is it weird that Mama Quill gave Peter mixtapes of all the songs that played while she was banging dudes in Camaros? Come on – she was totally that chick! Anyway, there are no real surprises here, as it seems to be in-line thematically with the first volume. Personally, I’m ecstatic that “Come A Little Bit Closer” will be introduced to a new generation, as I’m a huge fan of Jay and the Americans (check out “Cara Mia” if you’ve never heard it).

This rumor came out a few weeks ago, but it kinda floated under my radar: apparently Warner Bros wants to release 4 Batman-centered films in 2019 to commemorate the 80th anniversary of Detective Comics. This slate would include Nightwing, Gotham City Sirens, the Joss Whedon Batgirl, and the oft-delayed The Batman. Nice idea, but there’s no way this happens. DC just doesn’t have its shit together enough to pull this off. Marvel could do it, but they would’ve been planning it since 2012. It’s already 2017 and they expect to crank out 4 movies in 2 years? Shit ain’t happening.

Bring on the teen angst train, as we’ve got two more comic-based series just dripping with it! First up is Cloak and Dagger on Freeform, which looks like the Freeformiest show that ever Freeformed. It’ll be right at home between the show about the deaf girl and the show about the foster kids. I’ve never been a huge Cloak and Dagger fan, but the series follows teen runaways Tandy Bowen and Tyrone Johnson, who were kidnapped and injected with an experimental drug. The drug left Tandy (Dagger) with “light daggers”, while Tyrone (Cloak) has a mystical cloak that transports people and things to a dark dimension. Oh, and there’s that sweet, sweet interracial love/Jungle Fever aspect to things. Based on the trailer, it’s gonna focus more on the love thing than the power thing, which is understandable since powers are expensive on a weekly TV budget. I haven’t heard if this is actually considered part of the MCU, but it’s nice to see the Roxxon sign at the end, so there are clear ties to the universe itself.

The angst doesn’t end there, though, kids! We also got a trailer for Syfy’s Krypton series (which has since been yanked down) – ya know, the one that nobody asked for. It’s hard for me to get excited about Krypton when very little about that planet has ever seemed appealing. It’s most recently been painted as a cold, stoic, science-based society. And since they don’t have our sun, it means they’re powerless. Here’s what I don’t get about the trailer: the show takes place approximately 200 years prior to Man of Steel (I guess making it the first series to be an official part of the DCEU), but the monologue is of Kal El’s grandfather leaving a message for him. Um, how does he KNOW his grandson’s name is Kal El if he hasn’t been born yet? Anyway, it’s about Grandpa El, who happens to be a sexy, CW-ish twenty something, trying to restore honor to the disgraced House of El. The effects look nice (AKA expensive), but nothing about this show makes me want to see it.

There’s some laughter coming from a different comic-based series, however, in the form of Freeform’s New Warriors. I mentioned it a few weeks ago, but it’s been confirmed that Kevin Biegel of Enlisted/Cougar Town will be the showrunner, and we got a confirmation of the roster. Led by Squirrel Girl (who has never been a New Warrior in the comics, but I won’t harp on that), the team is comprised of Speedball, Night Thrasher, Microbe, Mister Immortal, and Debrii. I’m familiar with career Warriors Speedball and Night Thrasher, but I don’t know anything about the others. Considering Mr. Immortal and Squirrel Girl are Great Lakes Avengers characters, this is something of a hybrid team.

I’m the furthest thing from a foodie, but I love a good dairy-based gimmick drink, and this week featured TWO of them! First up, I’d read online that Burger King had been testing a Froot Loops Shake at certain East Coast locations, with plans to roll it out nationally today. Well, I traveled around until I found one that had it early (well, I didn’t travel too far – it was down the street from my apartment), as I had to see what the fuss was all about. I had heard it described as made from vanilla soft serve, with Froot Loops pieces, topped off with a sweet, syrupy drizzle. Sounds exotic, right? WRONG. Whoever thought of this probably got a bonus for the idea, but it lacks in the execution. It’s basically a vanilla shake with edible confetti in it. From Loops don’t really have a strong fruity flavor to them, so it’s not like it’s rubbing off into the soft serve. And when you do get some Froot Loop chunks through the straw, they just taste like flavorless corn cereal. I didn’t taste any kind of drizzle, and I kept waiting for the WOW to kick in. It never did. I drank this so that you don’t have to and, trust me, you really don’t have to.

Next up was the Starbucks Unicorn Frappuccino. I hadn’t even heard of the thing until Wednesday morning, when everyone and their mom was talking about it. Looking at it, I was reminded of the Birthday Cake Frappuccino that comes out in March (I remember this because it was out at the time Evie was born). I LIVED on those things for the two weeks or so that they were in stores, so I was expecting this to be more of the same. I wasn’t sure what flavor this one was supposed to be, but there were certainly visual similarities. Anyway, after dinner Wednesday night, I snuck off to the corner Starbucks to try it out. You’ve heard of a Butterface, right? Well, this is a Buttertaste. It looks cool and everything, but the taste…THE TASTE! Its marketing emphasizes that it magically changes flavors while you drink it, but I could never really nail down what those flavors were supposed to be. There was a pervasive muskiness to it, making me feel like I’d basically sucked off a real unicorn. Of course, that would be silly – everyone knows you’ve got to buy a unicorn dinner before it lets you do that! Then, near the end, the muskiness gives way to a hyper berry taste, reminiscent of the Blue Raspberry that candy scientists seemed to have discovered in 1992. At no point in the drink was it what I would call “enjoyable”, and even the whipped cream on top was disappointing. As far as I’m concerned, this drink can fuck off back to Narnia where it came from.

Things You Might Have Missed This Week

Bill O’Reilly was fired from Fox News following sexual harassment allegations. See, if he’d told Billy Bush he only grabbed ‘em by the pussy, he’d be President by now!

Nintendo officially ended production on the NES Classic, followed by rumors that an SNES Classic is coming later this year

Anna Boden and Ryan Fleck were announced as the directors for Captain Marvel. I’ve never seen anything they’ve done (Half Nelson, episodes of Billions, and The Affair), so I’ve got no real opinion right now

Speaking of Marvel films, Black Panther wrapped production this week, as Hollywood braces for the return of every living Black actor

Will Smith is in talks to take on the classic Robin Williams role of The Genie in Guy Ritchie’s live action Aladdin adaptation. Obviously, Jaden Smith will probably get the role of Aladdin.

Stranger Things co-star Shannon Purser came out as bisexual on Twitter. Well, she’s bisexual in real life. She just used Twitter to announce it.

Director James Gunn announced that Guardians of the Galaxy 3 would be the final iteration of this lineup of the team

Black-ish was sold into off-network syndication, launching in Fall 2018

Jane The Virgin’s Gina Rodriguez will voice Carmen Sandiego in a new animated series coming to Netflix

Steve Harvey will host a revival of Showtime At the Apollo for Fox

Fate of the Furious debuted to $532 million internationally, beating the record-setting $529 million earned by Star Wars: The Force Awakens

With its original pilot rejected by Fox a few years ago, Joe Hill’s comic Locke & Key will have a new pilot filmed for Hulu

The X-Files has been renewed for a 10-episode 11th season. I couldn’t even make it through the last 6-episode batch they gave us, so I think this is a pass for me.

For the past 6 seasons, I have pretty much hate-watched HBO’s Girls. I hated Lena Dunham’s dumpy, Play-Doh body which was constantly on nude display. I hated all of her character Hannah’s “problems”. I hated her boyfriend Adam. I had convinced myself that I was really just watching, hoping that the characters would eventually be hit by a truck or something. Then, this season came along. Even through all my hate, I had to admit that this was a pretty strong season. From Hannah’s odd interaction with a bestselling author to Marnie finally realizing she sucks at life, there were some great episodes of television to be found in this season of the show. I was also forced to admit things about myself.

First off, I always knew I liked Shoshana because she had enough sense to know that she deserved better than the friends with which she’d found herself. And I definitely missed her once she decided to finally distance herself from them.  I also realized there was much more to the Ray character and, while they didn’t exactly put a bow on it, I’m glad they led us to believe that he had found a happy ending. Even a character as originally unlikable as Elijah had some strong development this season, and he was truly missed in the finale, even though this chapter of his story had come to a close. As I already admitted in my Get Out review, I had to come to terms with my crush on Allison Williams and, by extension, Marnie Michaels. Yeah, she sucked at life, but she seemed like the one out of the four who had Tony Starked her way into that situation; she was the cause of her own problems. Once she began to realize that, the character held more promise. And I realized I hated Jessa because she reminded me too much of girls I’d hooked up with in college: damaged, tattooed, pseudo-junkies who are lucky to still be alive. And I guess Hannah reminded me of girls I’d hooked up with post college. Yeah, I hated a lot about Girls because, I guess, I hated a lot about myself.

This Sunday saw the series finale of the show, and I wasn’t quite sure I was ready for it. After a season that had given us a pregnant Hannah, but also showcased the dissolution of the group’s friendship, I didn’t really know how they could “end” the story. I was further distraught when I read an article last week saying that Jessa and Shosh’s final appearances had been in the penultimate episode that had just aired. While I would miss them in the final half hour, I had to admit that their chapters had also come to a close.

When we get to the finale, there’s a five-month time jump, where Marnie and Hannah are living in a remote house upstate, raising Hannah’s baby, Grover. Yes, that’s what she named him. Anyway, it was 30 minutes about what it means to be happy, but also what it means to be an adult and a parent. I like to think that Hannah finally grew up once she realized that Grover wasn’t another problem that she could simply run away from. The entire episode, she’s freaking out because Grover won’t breastfeed, but in the final seconds he finally takes to her breast. The look on her face is a mix of relief and maturity. It was then that I realized the show had to end at that point, as Hannah was no longer a girl. The entire series had been about millennial drama, as they skirted adulthood, but those times were over. The title Girls no longer applied to Hannah because she was now a Woman, with all the responsibilities that entailed. I used to worry about Hannah, and I sure as Hell worried about Grover when we learned she was pregnant. After Sunday’s finale, though, I think they’re gonna be OK. It was a finale that I had to give some thought to, but it didn’t leave me unfulfilled like Don Draper creating a Coke jingle only to end up hocking tax prep software six months later. For this reason, Girls had the West Week Ever.

#Batman #Comics #DC #Indie #Marvel #Movies #Music #Politics #Race #Relationships #Star Wars #Syndication #Television #Video Games #West Week Ever

[impandagrl]

Four Fandoms

I was challenged to post four of my favorite fandoms and why I love them by @whovian1077. Thank you; this should be fun! Not gonna lie; I’m probably gonna cheat a little. I’m not good at picking my favorite out of things I love. Also, these will be in no particular order.

1) Star Wars-

All the movies (yes, even that one; that one too) and basically all the books (I can’t say I’ve read all of them, but I’ve read a substantial number)

Favorite Characters- Obi-wan, Han and Chewie, Leia, R2, Chirrut, Jyn, Cassian, K2, Rey

Favorite Quotes- Obiwan has some great ones that I quote all the time (Good job; That’s why I’m here; You want to go home and rethink your life), but they’re mostly in the dry delivery. The majority of K2’s dialogue. Leia-”I’d rather kiss a wookie,“ Han-“That can be arranged; he could use a good kiss!”

How long I’ve been a fan- From the first moment I watched Episode IV I was hooked. I’d say I was probably 12-13.

Why I love it- I love how everything feels like it has its own deeper story. Each planet has customs, language, people. You can fall in love with characters that are on screen for a couple minutes tops (do not get me started talking about Zett Jukassa). The expanded universe is basically a bunch of books full of fanfic that was published. I wrote so many stories myself in my early teens that took place in the star wars universe. I made my own planets and wrote and drew about the inhabitants. I will always love Star Wars.

2) Joss Whedon

Okay, I warned you I was going to cheat. Because of this great man, I get to include the Marvel movies (yes, I’m aware he wasn’t responsible for all of them, but like I said, I’m cheating!) and Agents of Shield, Firefly, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, and Dr Horrible’s Sing Along Blog as one entry.

Favorite Characters- Iron Man, Captain America, Coulson, Hawkeye, Fitz, Star Lord, Buffy, Willow, Spike, Xander, Zoe, Kaylee, Mal, Wash, Inara, Dr. Horrible, Penny (this was still hard; I feel like I betrayed everyone I left off this list)

Favorite Quotes- Oh, jeeze! “I swear by my pretty floral bonnet I will end you,” “Out. For. A. Walk.- … Bitch.” “It’s a brand new day and the sun is high/All the birds are singin’ that you’re gonna die,“ “B:I wanna be an achiever, like Bad Horse; P:The Thoroughbred of Sin?; B:I meant ‘Ghandi’,” Most of the lines …  

How long I’ve been a fan- I want to say 10 years or so?

Why I love it- They are funny and clever, but also sad and real. The characters are amazing and believable. The dialogue is incredible 

3) Supernatural

Favorite Characters- Sam and Dean, Bobby, Charlie, Cas, Benny, Jody, Donna, Pamela, Crowley, Ellen, Jo, Kevin, Bela, Lisa (shut up), Ruby (both incarnations), Baby

Favorite Quotes- Really? “I think I’m adorable,“ “Fight the fairies,” “Hey, I am your flesh and blood brother … believe in that, believe me … make it your stone number one and build on it,” “Do I look like a ditchable prom date to you?” “It’s okay, boy, that’s why I’m here,” “Don’t ask stupid questions,” “Urination. I understand.” “Dean, always with the scissors!” “No, I’m kidding because clowns are really funny to me,” etc.

How long I’ve been a fan- Since July 3rd, 2016. I was planning on casually watching the first season to satisfy my curiosity and take a much needed break from job and school stress. I was watching the first episode. Dean did something or said something or looked something idk and I said, “I’m in trouble.” Then Sam said/did something and I said, “I think I may have made a terrible mistake.” I was right.

Why I love it- I love so many things about this show, but it all comes down to Sam and Dean. I could tell right from the pilot that these were well done, complex, characters that were also well-casted. Individually, I would have fallen in love with either of them. Together, with the dynamics of their brother relationship, I just don’t see myself getting tired of it. Combine it with the incredible acting ability that only seems to get better (how?), the fantastic side characters, the amazing/crazy fandom, and the actors’ relationship with each other and the fans …  well, I’m just glad I didn’t know when I popped in that first dvd: I probably would have been too scared to sign on for 13 seasons (wow, that’s a lot of emotional trauma)

4) The Chronicles of Narnia

The 7 Books by C.S Lewis. The most recent movies were okay. I watched an old BBC rendition once that was equal parts good and terrible.

Favorite Characters- Lucy, Edmund, Mr. Tumnus, Reepicheep, Shasta, Bree, Hwin, Aravis, Puddleglum, Prince Tirian, Jewel, The Professor, Strawberry -ah, who am I kidding: Peter, Jill, Eustace, Caspian, Susan, and Aslan of course

Favorite Quotes- “(Edmund:)Girls aren’t very good at keeping maps in their brains, (Lucy:)That’s because we’ve got something in them.” “(Narrator:)Edmund or Lucy or you would have recognized it at once, but Eustace had read none of the right books … He never said the word Dragon to himself. Nor would it have made things any better if he had.” “(Aslan:)Courage, dear heart” “(Puddleglum:)I’m going to live as like a Narnian as I can even if there isn’t any Narnia,”

How long I’ve been a fan- I believe I was 13 when I first read them

Why I love it- I loved the magic, the adventure, the fact that ordinary kids became heroes. The humor. The love and sacrifice. The Narrator. Lewis’ incredible ability to tell a good story.

Honorable Mentions

Anything by Tolkien or Cornelia Funke, Criminal Minds, Pirates of the Caribbean, House (the show with Hugh Laurie), Anything by Ted Dekker, Lemony Snicket’s Series of Unfortunate Events (the books; I liked the movie, haven’t seen the show), Harry Potter, Psyche, The Mentalist, Justified, Being Human-not the bbc version though I saw the first season and found it funny, Person of Interest, Teen Wolf (I’m hopelessly behind on some of these shows), The Walking Dead (fell behind on that too- no spoilers, please!), Pushing Daisies (thanks to @seenashwrite, I’m almost done and I LOVE it!)

[buffyversefanfiction]

Felix Fierce (Buffy and Angel Fanfiction) Season 1

Episode 1 - Welcome to The 20s

Warnings: I do not own or claim to own the original content to “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”, “Angel”, the comics or any of the original characters from the “Buffyverse” all rights belong to Joss Whedon.

15 plus, displays of Violence, Gore, Torture and Sexual Innuendos, M/M, F/M, F/F.

Into every generation there was a chosen one until a powerful witch called Willow Rosenberg changed the rules forevermore.

No longer would Buffy Summers stand-alone against the vampires the demons and the forces of darkness.

She was the slayer that changed everything but now it’s his turn.

Felix Fierce found himself running through the woods late at night frantically looking behind him until he found himself crashing into Thorn in full vampire mode, his body hitting against the vampire before he himself fell to the ground.

“Thorn listen this isn’t you.” Felix pleaded as Thorn pulled him off the ground.

“Your right it isn’t that’s kind of the point.” Thorn replied before sinking his teeth into Felix’s neck before Felix suddenly woke up in his bed within his bedroom.

He slowly sat up in his bed before hearing a knock at his door as his father Forest walked into his room.

“I see someone’s finally up I know it’s the holidays and that means allowing my 18 year old son to be as lazy as possible before the new year of school starts but you did promise to chaperone your sister tonight at the New Year’s Eve party.” Forest Fierce reminded his son.

“Dad,” Felix replied as he leaned over to his bedside unit, picking up his phone to check the time. “It’s still morning last time I checked parties happen at night.”

“Yeah but Fyre’s decided she needs to go shopping for an outfit and that’s not exactly my area of expertise.” Forest told him.

“Is this because I’m gay dad?” Felix asked his father.

“No this is because I almost had to take out a second mortgage last time you went on a date with your boyfriend and you decided to buy yourself a whole new wardrobe only to wear something you already.” Forest replied.

“Okay,” Felix yawned. “I see your point but at this point letting me loose with your cards is at your own peril now I’m thinking a new chaperone style outfit is going to need to be bought.”

“Who needs two kidneys anyways?” Forest joked before walking out of Felix’s room and closing the door behind him.

“Great now I’m stuck with my kid sister all day and night.” Felix moaned to himself. “Worst New Year’s ever!”

“Remind me again how I was roped into driving you and Fyre to the shopping mall?” Bryce Kane asked his best friend as he and Felix stood within the store located within Scorchville shopping mall while Fyre was further down the store searching the rails for a New Year’s outfit.

“Because like my sister you both have parties and have left it to the last minute to get an outfit so like the amazing brother and friend I am I agreed to help you both out in this archaic shopping mall that only stays open because of people like you and my sister.” Felix replied.

“Good point,” Bryce agreed. “I do need something other than bland to impress Malerie at her party tonight so let’s just pretend I never moaned to you and I’ve been thankful since the minute we got here.

“Yeah okay Bryce,” Felix laughed at his best friend. “Mercy’s still pissed at you for ditching us tonight so your best keeping me on side at least.”

“Mercy’s still mad?” Bryce asked. “Any ideas on how I can make it up to her?”

“Oh, I’m so not getting involved in a fight between my two best friends.” Felix made himself clear as Fyre walked over to them both holding a somewhat revealing dress in her hands instantly catching her brother’s attention. “Hell, no dad would very much like you to go into the year 2020 with your virginity intact.”

“Felix you’re like an old man it’s almost a new bloody decade let’s not go into it assuming certain outfits make a girl a whore.” Fyre Fierce scolded her older brother. “I mean you dress like a librarian, but I know for a fact you’re not going into the year 2020 with your virginity intact.”

“Well played.” Bryce said with a smile to his best-friend’s younger sister.

“Fine if your going to get bitchy about it you can wear the bloody dress but at least get a cardigan to trick dad with before we leave for the party.” Felix replied, giving into an argument he knew he had no chance of winning.

Fyre quickly walked away from her brother and his best friend and on wards toward the store’s changing room to try on her dress with a victorious smile on her face.

“She is only a year younger than you Felix you need to stop treating her like she’s seven and start realizing she’s seventeen.” Bryce told his friend.

“Here I’m just doing father patrol because dad’s going to be super pissed at her for picking that dress then me for allowing that dress and then she’ll be pissed at dad for being such an old man and then I’ll have to get pissed at dad because he’s pissed at me and before you know it it’s Christmas Armageddon all over again.” Felix explained to Bryce.

“If you think holidays are bad with your family just wait until your dad starts the new year as headmaster at Scorchville High.” Bryce revealed before realizing he slipped up. “Which I wasn’t supposed to mention until after the New Year.”

“You’ve got to be joking me can’t he just stick to teaching at that pompous New York school I mean sure it’s a commute but that comes in handing for sneaking Thorn in and out the house now I’m not even going to be able to sneak about school with him.” Felix complained to his friend. “How the hell did you find out before me anyway?”

“Well I’m captain of the Scorchville Swimmers and Mercy’s is Scorchville High student body president so between the two of us we know everything that goes down in that place.” Bryce revealed. “We were going to tell you, but we couldn’t decide who had to deliver the news and then she stopped talking to me.”

“Well just you wait till I see Mercy because it may just be me blanking the both of you.” Felix warned him. “Now let’s hurry up and find you something because I’m craving coffee.”

Felix and Bryce walked up to the new coffee store/book shop called Scorching Scorchville with a quote underneath the sign saying come in for simply scorching reads and charismatic coffee having dropped Felix’s sister Fyre back off at home after finding her and Bryce outfits for their New Year’s Eve parties.

It was a relatively new store and Felix tended to stick to what he knew best when it came to his caffeinated hot drinks, but he knew his friend Mercy Cole had become obsessed with the place recently and was currently inside meaning it was time to fix things out between her and Bryce but before they even got a chance to step inside they found themselves confronted by Felix’s high school nemesis Rick Star appeared from down the street.

“Well if it isn’t Scorchville’s answer to Ross and Joey.” Rick greeted them with a mocking tone as always. “I bet you guys take naps with each other all the time.”

“Seriously Rick do you just pop up to insult me or do you actually have a life outside of being an archaic school bitch?” Felix snapped back at Rick.

“I’m so glad you can make Malerie’s party tonight I’m sure she’s going to be pleased to see you.” Rick said to Bryce before giving Felix a bitch stare. “Just remember your weird little sidekicks are not on the list.”

“Sidekicks really? Someone really needs to give your side a kick or several.” Felix replied.

“I can’t wait.” Bryce said to Rick, much to Felix’s disapproval as Rick quickly budged past them both and made his way out of sight after turning the street corner. “Why do I have a feeling your pissed with me too?”

“I’m just going to stay focused on the task at hand right now because if I don’t, I may wind up aligning myself with Mercy.” Felix answered Bryce making it clear he wasn’t impressed.

“Malerie has terrible taste in friends but great taste in boyfriends.” Bryce replied trying to justify attending a party with the number one enemy.

“Yeah the jury’s still out on that one.” Felix responded by rolling their eyes.

“Did you really have to bring the traitor with you?” Mercy moaned after Felix and Bryce walked into the coffee shop/bookstore and walked over to her table.

“Play nice Mercy he’s here to apologize.” Felix told her as he sat down opposite his friend.

“I am?” Bryce asked until Felix grabbed a hold of him and forced him to sit down next to him. “Okay I am I’m really sorry.”

“I get the whole rush you seem to be in losing your virginity and I can even somewhat understand why Malerie’s the girl for you, but you’ve not even got a girlfriend yet and your ditching us for her.” Mercy moaned at Bryce.

“Mercy that’s a little harsh don’t you think?” Felix butted in only to get a furious glare from Mercy. “Okay I’m back to being Switzerland over here.”

“Look if it means that much to you, I’ll ditch Malerie’s party and chaperone Fyre with you guys tonight.” Bryce submitted to Mercy’s mood.

“Thank you.” Mercy replied with a smile.

“Okay Switzerland just got switched off for a moment,” Felix couldn’t help but say. “Mercy do you remember our anti-valentines pact last year before I got with Thorn?”

“Not really no, why?” Mercy asked her friend.

“That’s because it only wound up being Bryce and me because you decided to be in a throuple for that long confusing week and we were all like yay go for it because hey it’s something to tick of the list.” Felix defended Bryce. “Bryce has been relentlessly trying to give his virginity to anyone offering and he finally gets a sliver of hope and you’re going to stand in his way?”

“Remind me to remind you never to defend me again.” Bryce told Felix, clearly embarrassed.

“Hey that throuple would’ve worked if they didn’t both fall in love with me the same time, I wound up falling in love with Julien at the same time.” Mercy defended herself before giving in. “But I see your point.”

“So, do I get to go or not?” Asked a confused Bryce.

“Yes, but only because of your dated need to lose your virginity before your 19 if you fall in love with moronic Malerie I may have to disown you.” Mercy warned him.

“Please Malerie’s not going to last a month.” Felix laughed. “Also isn’t it a bit stereotypical to judge someone purely based on their intelligence?”

“When exactly does Switzerland switch back on?” Mercy asked Felix.

“I think Malerie and I have serious potential.” Bryce said in defense of his choice of woman.

“Of course, you do,” Felix mocked his friend while tapping his hand on Bryce’s shoulder before noticing Trix Lance over by the bookstore part of Scorching Scorchville instantly grabbing his attention as he realize she was reading the infamous book with the title Vampyr book. “Here the owner here is very peculiar.”

“I know right? She’s part of the reason I love this place.” Mercy admitted with a smile on her face as she and Bryce joined Felix as they observed Trix reading away within the library like area of the store.

Suddenly Felix began to feel a piercing pain in his head before his eyesight went and all he could see is whiteness before being thrown of his chair much to Mercy and Bryce’s horror as they watched their friend collapse onto the floor.

Felix found himself awaking from the same nightmare he had earlier only this time when he woke up he found himself lying on the floor of Scorching Scorchville after a glass of water was thrown in his face awakening to see Trix, Bryce and Mercy standing over him with Trix holding an empty glass making it clear she was the water culprit.

“See I told you it’s just a perfectly normal teenage collapse you children these days are forever skipping breakfast.” Trix told them all as Bryce and Mercy helped Felix get back onto his feet.

“Are you okay?” Mercy asked her recently conscious friend.

“Yeah clearly just need more carbs or something.” Felix replied to her.

“Are you sure because we could always drop by the hospital and get you checked out?” Bryce suggested.

“Nonsense the boy is perfectly fine you teenagers don’t want to be wasting New Year’s Eve in hospital just because your friend forgot to have breakfast.” Trix said to the three of them.

“Okay lady you seem way too invested in this considering you’re a stranger.” Bryce replied to the blonde-haired store owner.

“Guys I’m fine besides Fyre would literally kill me if I cancelled being chaperone to the party she’s going to.” Felix told Mercy and Bryce, attempting to reassure them both he’s okay.

“What did you see?” Trix asked Felix. “Every time that happens the person always sees something either during it or in a dream the night before.”

“Every time what happens Mrs Lance?” Mercy wondered.

“Fainting of course.” Trix lied to her.

“Okay as interesting as you clearly are, we’ve got a party to chaperone and Bryce has a first date to prepare for.” Felix declared, clearly wanting to get as far away from Trix Lance as possible as something about her made him feel uneasy.

“Very well Felix Fierce enjoy what remains of 2019.” Trix said with a smile before starting to walk away over to the store counter. “I have a feeling 2020 is going to be your year.”

“Hold up how does she know your name?” Bryce asked Felix.

“Beats me.” Felix replied.

“I’m crushing super hard right now!” Mercy admitted as she looked over at Trix with admiration in her eyes.

“So, I’m guessing by the fact your sister was happy when she came home that I’m going to hate her outfit?” Forest asked his son Felix and his son’s friend Mercy as the three of them stood at the bottom of the stairs in the hallway of the Fierce family home waiting for Fyre to grace them with her presence.

“Not half as much as I’m hating you as my new headmaster but if you don’t go all old man on Fyre then I’ll postpone telling her till after the new year.” Felix replied.

“Deal,” Forest gave in reluctantly before telling both Felix and Mercy. “Just make sure she’s always with at least one of you and you all come back here.”

“What are you doing for the new year Mr Fierce?” Mercy asked Felix’s father.

“I’m heading to your parents’ New Year’s Eve party like I do every year it’s a shame none of use will be there this year.” Forest replied to his son’s best friend. “Speaking of which where’s Bryce tonight?”

“He’s at a party where Rick the…” Mercy began to say before quickly changing her words. “Where Rick Star is attending because his soon to be girlfriend Malerie has terrible taste in friends.”

“I still remember the days when you and Rick were inseparable.” Forest said to his son who looked unimpressed with him for reminding him.

“I was friends with Rick before he became a dick.” Felix replied to his father just before Fyre began walking down the stairs in a silky black dress demanding all the attention from the room as she continued to go down the stairs until she was stood next to her father, brother and her brother’s friend.

“Fyre you look as beautiful as ever.” Forest told his daughter before giving her a hug and kissing her on the forehead lovingly.

“When’s Thorn meeting us?” Mercy asked Felix.

“He’s only just finished work so he’s going to meet us at the party once he’s had the chance to get changed.” Felix answered her as Forest broke off his hug with his daughter looking irritated by Thorn’s mention.

“You didn’t tell me Thorn was going to be chaperoning too.” Forest said to Felix in a disapproving tone.

“He is my boyfriend dad and it’s our first new year whether we’re partying or chaperoning or sitting at home doing nothing we’re going to be spending it together.” Felix replied. “Which is probably a good time to mention I invited him over for dinner tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow’s family only.” Forest told his son.

“Does that mean my invite’s revoked because my parents are going to be way too hungover to cook and even if they weren’t, I much prefer your cooking Mr Fierce.” Mercy butted in making it clear she wasn’t going to be uninvited easily.

“Of course, not you and Bryce are extended family.” Forest said sincerely making Mercy smile.

“Dad, if you don’t let Felix have his boyfriend round tomorrow then I’m going to go out tonight find myself a new boyfriend or maybe a couple of boyfriends and get them to gate crash tomorrow’s dinner.” Fyre warned her father.

“Fine,” Forest once again found himself giving into his children’s demands. “I hate when you decide to gang up on me.”

“Why do you hate him so much anyways dad?” Felix asked his dad, clearly annoyed that his boyfriend and father didn’t get along.

“I don’t hate him Felix I’m just not a big fan either.” Forest admitted.

“I guess that just makes tomorrow the perfect timing for everyone to become fans of everyone.” Mercy once again butted in, this time trying to calm the room before Christmas Armageddon had a New Year’s special.

“I don’t know what’s taking him so bloody long it’s our first time seeing the new year in together and he’s running late.” Felix complained to Mercy as the two of them stood within the balcony part of the nightclub The Avenue while looking down at the dance-floor monitoring Fyre who was busy dancing with a group of friends.

“He’ll be here Felix I’m sure he’s got a great reason for showing up late.” Mercy replied, trying to reassure her friend.

“Anything short of him being dead is going to be a hard sell at this point.” Felix told her before he was suddenly nudged accidentally by a man causing him to fall over the railing of the balcony.

Felix fell from the balcony instantly getting everyone’s attention as the entire club looked on in horror and the music stopped only for Felix to land from the long fall on both feet with ease causing everyone to instantly clap and cheer him on.

“How did you just do that?” Fyre asked her brother as she ran over to Felix. “Are you okay?”

“I have no idea,” Felix replied as Mercy began running down the stairs from the balcony to check on her best friend. “I guess I just got lucky.”

“Lucky’s definitely the right word there.” Fyre said before turning to the rest of the club and shouting. “Show’s over get the music going!”

“Despite my death defying stunts how’s your night going sis?” Felix asked his sister as the crowd went back to dancing as the music began playing once more.

“It’s alright except for most of the eye candy being brain farts the intriguing ones being stuck up and me just a girl looking for a new year’s kiss.” Fyre admitted to her older brother as Mercy walked over to them both.

“Are you okay? That was some fall have you been secretly taking in extra gymnastic lessons?” Mercy asked her friend.

“Yeah I’m fine.” Felix reassured Mercy before turning his attention back to his sister. “I’m sure you’ll find someone to kiss for the bells whereas my date seems to be…”

“Here,” Thorn butted in as he appeared from out of the crowd and starting walking towards Felix. “Your date seems to be here and he’s really sorry for being late.”

“Well at least you’re here now.” Felix said to his boyfriend before giving him a kiss on the lips only to feel a strange tingle when he kissed him making him pull a confused face.

“Are you okay?” His boyfriend asked him.

“Yeah it’s just been a long day.” Felix replied.

“You can say that again earlier he fell of a chair fainting and just now he falls off the bloody balcony and lands on both feet.” Mercy revealed to Thorn and Fyre.

“Wait when did you faint?” Fyre and Thorn asked Felix in unison.

“It was nothing,” Felix answered them while giving Mercy a glare. “Definitely not worth talking about.”

“Well I best give you extra attention tonight just in case.” Thorn to his boyfriend before hugging Felix and kissing him on the cheek unknowingly making Felix feel the same strange tingle, this time making Felix’s skin crawl.

“Happy New Year!” Thorn said to Felix as the two now stood at the balcony of the night club, before kissing his boyfriend on the lips after the entire club counted down to the year 2020.

“Happy New Year,” Felix replied after feeling something off with Thorn’s touch once again before kissing him again to see if things still felt off, which it did. “Is everything okay with you Thorn? You seem a little off.”

“I’m fine in fact I was about to say the same to you.” Thorn told him. “How about we go outside and bring in the New Year properly before anyone notices we’re gone?”

Suddenly Felix saw Thorn’s full vampire face appear before his face returned to normal within a blink leaving him even more confused as he was reminded of his earlier nightmare.

“Yeah sure.” Felix answered with uncertainty.

Felix and Thorn quickly made their way out of The Avenue kissing passionately as Felix decided to ignore the weirdness, he experienced leaving it in 2019 before Thorn suddenly threw Felix into the wall with force.

“Thorn what the hell?” Felix asked before being left horrified as Thorn’s face went into vampire mode. “I’m so hating my brain today!”

“Being with you is truly tedious you never stop talking and you and your friends are even worse I think I’ll kill them after killing you.” Thorn cruelly mocked Felix as he walked towards him.

“Thorn what’s wrong with you?” Felix wondered, clearly terrified by Thorn approaching him with a vampire face. “I had this dream before.”

Thorn plunged at Felix who quickly moved to the side before grabbing a hold of his vampire lover lifting his body upwards and slamming him into the brick wall before beginning to make a run for it down the alleyway only for Thorn to start chasing after him.

Felix didn’t get far before Thorn caught up to him as the vampire jumped on his prey making them both fall to the ground Thorn landing on top off Felix with Felix’s back to the ground.

“Don’t worry this will all soon be over.” Thorn promised him.

“Screw you!” Felix shouted before kneeing his lover in the crotch and throwing his body over his head making the vampire land harshly onto the ground as Felix quickly rose to his feet.

Thorn wasted no time in getting back on his feet and charging towards Felix again who quickly kick Thorn in the stomach before using his other foot to climb up his body kicking the vampire in the face before black flipping back into the same spot where he delivered a punch straight to Thorn’s stomach making Thorn crash to the ground once more.

“You’re a vampire.” Felix finally realized as Thorn once again stood back up.

“This isn’t over slayer.” Thorn promised before turning around and making a run for it as Felix suddenly heard a clapping sound only to turn around to see Trix Lance standing before him with a lit cigarette in hand.

“Preferably slayers stake the vampire, but I suppose that wasn’t a terrible first time I’ve heard of worst.” Trix said to him while taking a draw from her cigarette as Thorn was now out of sight. “But next time you go up against a vampire you should probably kill them.”

“He’s a vampire and I’m a slayer,” Felix began to understand. “I’ve heard stories I mean who hasn’t, but I didn’t think any of it was real.”

“Vampires, werewolves, trolls, ogres…the list goes on.” Trix revealed as she threw her cigarette to the ground and stubbed it out with her heels. “All of them are real.”

“I want to argue the reality of it all but I literally survived a fall without a scratch and I just fought with my vampire boyfriend who I guess now is my ex.” Felix replied to the blonde haired store owner as he walked towards her. “My only question is who are you?”

“Bellatrix Lance, your new watcher from the newly established Watchers Academy founded by Rupert Giles.” Trix admitted to her slayer. “We should probably start discussing your training.”

“Wow,” Felix said in shock. “Welcome to 2020 Felix Fierce.”

#buffy the vampire slayer #buffy #btvs #angel the series #buffyverse #originalcharacters #originalcast #fanficcast #buffyfanfiction #buffyfanfic #buffyfandom #buffyfic #buffythevampireslayerfan #buffythevampireslayerfanfic #buffythevampireslayerfanfiction #angelfanfic #angelfanfiction #lgbt fanfiction #lgbtfanfic #gay fanfiction #gayfanfic #fanfiction #fanfic #slayers #vampires #werewolves #monsters #demons #watchers #witches

[buffyversefanfiction]

Twisted Tristan (Buffy Fanfic)

Chapter 9 - #TEAMTWISTED #DEATH2DRUSILLA #VOLUME1

Warnings: I do not own or claim to own the original content to “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”, “Angel”, the comics or any of the original characters from the “Buffyverse” all rights belong to Joss Whedon.

15 plus, displays of Violence, Gore, Torture, M/M, F/M, F/F.

#1928

Location: The Soon to Be Abandoned Hospital Asylum, Outskirts of New York

Spike found himself running through the deep woods frantically before happening to find Drusilla stood dancing in the middle of a large field completely burned by fire.

“Dru darling whatever are you doing out here?” He asked her while walking up towards her and she continued to dance.

“So many terrible acts so many dreadful little secrets oh it thrills me Spike.” Drusilla responded as she grabbed a hold of her vampire lover and persuaded him into a slow dance with her. “This is the perfect location to one day raise a family.”

“Raise a family,” Spike laughed while continuing to dance with the love of his life on a burned field. “I knew you’d be out somewhere dancing, but Darla feared you had been caught and killed.”

“No, I won’t suffer a single death, but I will see many before my own eyes,” Drusilla revealed to him. “I can see them all happening right now some good and some not so good.”

“Your mind is a truly beautiful place.” Spike said lovingly with pure adoration as he brushed his hand through Drusilla’s hair. “So, what kind of family will be raised here?”

“Now Spike darling,” Drusilla laughed giddily. “I can’t reveal to you all the secrets that takes away the fun.”

#1977

Location: New York

Spike and Drusilla traveled to New York with beautifully brutal plans in their minds, Spike’s plans were to kill his second slayer Nikki Wood whereas Drusilla felt New York calling her for a very different reason she was preparing herself to become a mummy to her first child: Dante.

Drusilla stood across from a brothel eagerly hearing screams and shout coming from the building which just served to excite her more and more before a blood-soaked Dante appeared from out of the building looking shell shocked by the heinous murders he had just committed.

“I can feel your pain my darling boy,” Drusilla said as she walked over to the murderous man. “You feel so much, and I know how much that hurts Dante.”

“How do you know my name?” A confused Dante asked the vampire.

“You like chopping up women of the night,” Drusilla giggled before licking blood off his cheek. “The art of it all is simply stunning and yet you are stunted by time forced to live and die within an era that will soon forget you.”

“Who the hell are you?” Dante wondered.

“I’m going to be your mummy.” Drusilla revealed as she turned on her vampire facing making Dante instantly horrified. “Don’t worry baby it won’t hurt too much and then you’ll have an eternity to commit all kinds of crimes.”

#2000

Location: Los Angeles

“One by one they all fell down the fanged four is no more.” Drusilla said sadly while sitting on her knees on the floor of an abandoned warehouse. “I really did love that bloody man, but I lost him to her like she took Angelus and now grandmother mummy doesn’t want me.”

“If you ask me you spent far too much time wasted on Angelus and Spike, I say you waste no more mother.” Dante said as he walked into the abandoned warehouse instantly making Drusilla rise to her feet and smile at his presence.

“You’ve been a bad boy leaving mummy time and time again for whatever next takes your fancy.” Drusilla taunted him. “The mummy, the merfolk, the banshee and then that goat worshiping demon.”

“Yeah well I must admit the goat worshiping demon was into some freaky stuff and was one wild ride, but nobody does death and debauchery quite like my mother.” Dante replied, complimenting his mother. “How about we both put the past behind us and start looking forward to the future?”

“That’s my beautiful boy finally willing to accept his future,” Drusilla laughed while walking towards her son. “Although I must admit I did enjoy the merfolk they were a rather ravenous kind.”

#2016

Location: Abandoned Hospital Asylum, Outskirts of New York

Following a recent Riverborn ordeal Drusilla had taken both Tristan and Mandi to what she considered to be her family home, the property that was once a hospital for the insane in which brutal acts were done to their patients with several deaths caused by these acts and many lies and skeletons laying within the foundation of the land.

A perfect home for someone like Drusilla.

“So, you basically want us to be the strength and the spells for your little operation and in return we get your loyalty, knowledge and access to the things we need?” Mandi asked Drusilla as herself, Drusilla and Tristan walked down a decaying hallway within the hospital. “It still all seems a little bit sketchy to me.

“Well of course it would at first I mean this is all madness,” Dante admitted as he appeared into the hallway from a nearby door. “It’s all madness all the time and then you realize you’re just as crazy as the rest of us.”

“Speak for yourself.” Mandi snapped at the male vampire.

“I’m only here for revenge and once I get my revenge, I’ll be gone so don’t bother getting too attached to the idea of us sticking around.” Tristan told Drusilla, completely ignoring Dante’s arrival causing Dante to smirk.

“I know my darling boy,” Drusilla replied before lovingly putting her hand on his face. “You’re not quite ready for anything other than revenge right now but in time you will see a family in front of your very eyes.”

“Don’t bet on it.” Tristan replied causing Dante to smile once again.

#3WeeksBefore #Death2Drusilla

Location: A Cemetery Within San Francisco

Buffy and Spike’s on/off relationship had been going on for too many years they split up the reckoning (season 12) before reuniting only to split again leading to Buffy having a one-night stand with Angel leading to the birth of Tristan.

Since then they had mainly just been hooking up every now and then following Buffy’s ordeal with losing her son she became more and more distant and their relationship soon became to mirror how they used to be after Buffy clawed her way out of her own grave (Season 6) and it was Spike who decided to put an end to things for good for their own sakes.

Which meant the night in question Spike was patrolling solo within a local Cemetery in San Francisco having agreed to alternate between patrols with Buffy, so they didn’t have to see each other over the transitional period of their latest break up.

The night in question was particularly quite for Spike as he walked through the cemetery until he heard footsteps from a distance behind him.

“If your trying to sneak up on someone with vampire hearing then you’re a bloody fool.” Spike shouted as he turned around looking for a face within the shadows. “And if you’re a vampire trying to sneak up on a fire then you deserve the death I’m about to make happen.”

“And what if you’re just a witch looking for a friend in this lonely and miserable world.” Mandi said with sarcasm as she appeared from the shadows as she walked towards Spike.

“Well if it isn’t the witch, I saved from my ex Drusilla.” Spike said with a smile on his face as he rushed over and hugged Mandi. “It’s nice to see you little witch.”

“Good to see you too Spike,” Mandi replied. “I need a favour.”

“Wasn’t the last favour good enough for you?” Spike asked with sarcasm as they broke off their hug. “Who do you need saving from this time?”

“Actually, it’s more about revenge then a rescue mission this time around it’s more a favour for me and your girlfriend’s kid.” Mandi revealed to him.

“Ex-girlfriend.” Spike corrected her with a sense of sadness on his face. “And the last time I checked the only person that psychotic kid wanted revenge on was his parents I mean I’d consider Angel but Buffy’s a no go.”

“Well actually we’re getting our revenge on your other ex you know the one who raised Tristan to be the psycho killer we all know today.” Mandi admitted.

“Tristan’s going up against Dru?” Spike asked rhetorically, surprised by the turn of events. “Dru’s got a thing for always escaping death mind you so do Tristan which he probably gets off Drusilla and Buffy. This could get bloody messy I mean either Dru escapes once again and claims her second slayer or Tristan winds up dead in which Buffy will blame me and I’ll be following him.”

“Does that mean I can count you in?” Mandi wondered hoping she could count on her old friend once again.

“I suppose so,” Spike sighs. “Buffy will kill me if Tristan ends up dead and it’s not like he’s going to accept her or Angel’s help not to mention I’ve grown to tolerate you little witch and don’t want to see you dead anytime soon.”

“I knew I could count on you!” Mandi replied knowing he was about the only one she could rely on for the mission in hand.

#2WeeksBefore #Death2Drusilla

Location: Dante and Tristan’s Demonic Dive Bar, New York

“Of all the bars in all of the world you just keep coming, back don’t you?” Tristan asked Faith as she walked into his half destroy demonic dive bar while he stood behind the bar counter.

“Well clearly you’re in need of the business.” Faith stated while looking around at the damage the place had come under due to her and Tristan’s actions. “So, here’s the thing I’m not too sure on this Mandi chick and I’m sure as hell not sure on you but Spike seems to think it’s worth the risk although to be fair he also fault Drusilla was a good choice for like a century or more.”

“You’d be wise not to trust anyone after all last time I trusted some chick she helped get my lover killed.” Tristan snapped at her.

“Here in my defense you never actually trusted me which turned out to be a wise move on your part considering everything that went down.” Faith replied.

“Everything that went down?” Tristan shouted. “That blue bitch killed my Dante and for that I’ll never forgive you, her or Angel and I promise you when this is all over, I’ll get my revenge.”

“Yeah I get that but what I’m not sold on is why you’d want Drusilla dead it seems to me like a trap and not a very good one at that.” Faith explained to him. “Clearly Spike and Mandi are stupid enough to believe this, but Mandi just wants to believe there’s something redeemable in you and Spike is playing step daddy to try and get back in Buffy’s bed. I on the other hand I’m not particularly interested in either especially the getting down and dirty with B.”

“It wasn’t my idea to send you an invitation anyway.” Tristan scoffed. “Mandi seems to think you’d be a good fit, but I beg to differ so go on your way before I decide to take that revenge right now.”

“Why do you want revenge on her anyway?” Faith asked him curious to what his answer might be.

“That’s none of your business.” He snapped once more.

“Yeah it is because if I’m going to do this suicidal mostly out of my toleration to Spike and my need to make amends with Angel then I at least want to know why Dru has all of a sudden hit the top of your little revenge list.” Faith made herself clear.

“She killed my parents.” Tristan reluctantly revealed.

#Death2Drusilla

Location: The Woods, Outskirts of New York

Spike, Faith, Tristan and Mandi had been walking deep into the woods within an undisclosed location somewhere between the recently shut down Slayer Rehabilitation Center and New York City as they followed Tristan’s steps on wards to an abandoned insane asylum hospital within a long forgotten location deep within the woods the abandoned hospital probably having several bloody secrets of its own long before Drusilla made it her home.

“So, what’s the likelihood we’ve not just followed you into the middle of nowhere just for you to slaughter us all?” Faith asked Tristan as the four of them stopped walking.

“Seriously you’re the one accusing me of double crossing if it wasn’t for you being a backstabbing little bitch I wouldn’t even be here right now.” Tristan snapped at the redeemed slayer.

“Hold up now don’t be blaming Faith because she bet you in a fight trust me it happens so you may as well get the hell over it.” Spike told Tristan sticking up for his friend in the process.

“Listen Pirate Peroxide if you think you can take me then I’d love to see you try.” Tristan replied eagerly walking towards him. “I’m more than down for dusting your ass right here right now.”

“I’d love to see you try!” Spike snapped back at the unhinged male slayer, ready to fight him.

“Two to one Tristan if you want to try something try it.” Faith warned him.

“Enough with the fighting!” Mandi shouted, finally popping up before putting them all in their place. “Tristan you want Drusilla dead they’re here to get you what you want so if you can speak without threatening them just shut the hell up. Faith you were doing the right thing when dusting Dante but’s lets just not bring him up anytime soon just to be safe or Tristan probably will be turn on us and as for you Spike how about you only open your mouth when your lighting up a cigarette or downing booze from your flask.”

“Hold up you’ve been holding out on drink all this time?” Faith asked Spike, clearly unimpressed.

“I’ve been ready to kill for a smoke for the last three hours.” Tristan admitted.

“Why do I suddenly miss the threats of death?” Spike moaned as he went into his pocket and handed out a fag and lighter to Tristan before handing Faith his flask. “I expect all of it back with interest once we get this done and dusted so to speak.”

“So, go on then Mandi tell me what’s this master-plan of yours again?” Tristan asked the brown-haired witch while lighting up a cigarette.

#Death2Drusilla

Location: The Abandoned Hospital Asylum, Outskirts of New York

“You were my savior when I needed saving my crazed daylight in an eternal darkness. You taught me to be strong when I was weak and introduced me into a whole new way of living when I thought I was dead.” Tristan admitted to Drusilla as they walked down a hallway within the abandoned hospital in which Drusilla had made her home. “They actually believed after a few weeks of captivity and some shallow attempts at reaching my already ripened soul that I would turn against the only family I have left.”

“I worried so much about you when you left me last my darling boy but then I had a dream the most wonderful dream.” Drusilla giddily replied to him as they stopped walking. “You were there, and Dante was there too, and we were all sitting around a table and little miss Buffy was the family meal.”

“Dante’s dead he can’t join us for any feast not even if it was to toast to the death of Buffy much to my dismay.” Tristan said with a reluctant sigh before going on to say. “We’re all we have left now.”

“Silly boy you never let me finish.” Drusilla laughed. “Buffy wasn’t dead she just lay there while we drank from her and one by one, we all fell down.”

“Well that’s different from your usual dreams,” Tristan replied with shock. “What do you think it means?”

“I saw her poisonous blood ruin us all first Dante, then you and lastly me.” Drusilla revealed to him. “The dream continued to whisper in my ears until it’s words became too clear to ignore any longer and action had to be taken.”

“Okay what exactly did you get from that dream because I’m getting more confused than a werewolf with gluten allergies.” Tristan wondered before noticing a group of vampires appear on both sides as he begun to worry, she foresaw the plan made against her.

“The blood poisoned your Dante because his body wasn’t strong enough the same for you and me my darling boy, but mummy has a way of fixing that now.” Drusilla told him as her face revealed her vampire self once again. “Making you like your so-called mummy wasn’t enough now I have to make you like your other mother, me!”

#spike #faith lehane #angel #buffy summers #drusilla #originalcharacters #childrenofcharacter #twistedtristan #buffy the vampire slayer #buffy #btvs #angel the series #buffyverse #buffycomics #volume1 #part1 #chapter9 #vampires #witches #slayers #spuffy #bangel #angelandfaith #buffyfanfiction #buffyfic #angelfanfiction #angelfanfic #fanfiction #fanfic #lgbtq

[buffyversefanfiction]

Twisted Tristan

Chapter 2: Our City (Volume 2)

Warnings: I do not own or claim to own the original content to “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”, “Angel”, the comics or any of the original characters from the “Buffyverse” all rights belong to Joss Whedon.

15 plus, displays of Violence, Gore, Torture, M/M, F/M, F/F.

Buffy, Faith and Willow just stood there in the underground sewer tunnels completely stunned by what had just happened as they tried to fathom the notion that Buffy’s baby boy was lost to a portal going somewhere that Willow couldn’t remember the location to.

“What do you mean you don’t know where the portal went too?” Faith asked the redheaded witch. “Can’t you just open it back up?”

“I can’t open up a portal if I don’t know where or even when I’m opening a portal to.” Willow revealed as tears formed in her eyes.

“You literally just went through the damn thing how could you have forgot the location and time already?” Faith quizzed her.

“She cast a spell so when the portal closed there’d be no way of anything coming after us to find him.” Buffy cried as tears fall down her cheeks. “He was never supposed to go through the portal alone.”

“There must be some way of tracking him.” Faith replied. “There must be some way of getting your boy back Buffy.”

“I could try a locating spell but there’s no telling if Tristan is even in this dimension.” Willow explained as tears began falling down her cheeks too, fearing she may have lost her nephew and taken Buffy’s son from her forever.

“So, he’s just gone?” Faith asked in complete disbelief to the situation as she looked over at a clearly broken Buffy.

Tristan and Faith walked into Tristan and Dante’s demonic dive bar side by side and instantly Faith could see all the customers’ eyes on her some demons looking at her with haters, some monsters looking at her with curiosity in their eyes  and some vampires looking at her with simple hunger.

“I must admit I was a pretty big fan of your early work i.e. poisoning the vampire Angelus, torturing Buffy Summers and your work with Mayor Richard Wilkins albeit on the failed ascension.” Tristan said to her as the two of them walked over to the bar counter. “Last I heard anything from you there was a Buffy body swap and the end of Sunnydale which you had some kind of involvement with although rumor has it, you’re back playing on the good team these days.”

“See that right there is why I tend not to like keeping people alive I mean tongues can’t wag if they’ve been removed am I right?” Faith replied hoping Tristan would buy her bluff. “Word is out you the leader of this uprising in New York and I though I’d see if I could join the party.”

“An uprising you say,” Tristan responded with a stern poker face. “And just where did you here something of this topic?”

“You know as well as I do monsters just love to talk.” Faith lied.

“Yeah and so do slayers,” Tristan retorted. “Did she send you here?”

“Let me guess she is the big bad Buffy clearly your gossips are slow because her and me don’t get along something to do with me constantly trying to kill her and that one time I slept with her boyfriend.” Faith admitted to Tristan using the truth to her advantage.

“I was told you helped her defeat the first back when Sunnydale was still a town and not the second Grand Canyon.” Tristan revealed to try and suss Faith out.

“Here if I was fighting on team Sunnydale then there’d still be a Sunnydale.” Faith boasted.

“You make a rather fair point there,” Tristan said before ushering the vampire bartender to pour him and Faith shots leaving it on the bar counter in front of them both. “I’ve heard a lot about you mostly nothing as of late and I’m worried you won’t be able to keep up with let’s say current events.”

“Try me!” Faith replied before downing her shot and slamming the glass back down on the counter.

“Tell me Faith what is it that you want?” Tristan asked before taking his shot.

“A partnership of sorts one that I reckon you’d benefit from when Buffy does eventually come to town.” Faith revealed as Tristan placed his glass on the counter.

“I tend not to play very well with slayers in fact one could say I loathe your kind.” Tristan admitted to her.

“Yeah well if you ever want to take the biggest baddest slayer down then your going to need me on side because trust me when I say Buffy’s a hard kill and even when you do kill her she has this annoying little tendency to come back from the dead.” Faith said trying to make Tristan see he needed her on his team.

“Don’t mean this as a dig because I do admire your previous work but me aligning myself with someone who tried and failed to take Buffy down makes absolutely no sense.” Tristan told her while ushering his vampire bartender to refill their shot glasses. “I reckon I’d be successful taking her down without any assistance.”

“I was that stupid once too,” Faith laughed before downing her second shit. “That kind of stupidity gets your ass in a coma actually it got my ass in multiple comas. You may think you’ve got your shit together, but Buffy really is something else there’s a reason she’s considered the best whether I like to admit it or not.”

“Yeah well she hasn’t met me yet.” Tristan replied smugly before downing his second shot as his lover Dante appeared from the back of the bar immediately noticing Tristan drinking with Faith.

“Tristan it can’t hurt to have another on your side you know I’d never doubt you but Faith clearly has more experience in this particular field and we can’t be missing an opportunity to work alongside a slayer while we set out to wipe this world of all slayers.” Dante butted in making it clear he was keen to have Faith on side.

“My boyfriend speaks sense,” Tristan admitted to Faith. “But the thing is I don’t trust you.”

“You’d be wise not trusting me kid in fact you’d be wise not trusting anyone but like your lover told you I’m your best shot at taking B down when she comes to New York.” Faith put it rather bluntly.

“I say we let her live and if she doesn’t live up to her reputation then we kill her.” Dante suggested to Tristan.

“Fine!” Tristan reluctantly agreed.

After a few more drinks at Tristan and Dante’s demonic dive bar Tristan decided to take Faith out for a walk and by this time day had once again became night as they continued walking through the city before walking down a dark alleyway together neither resistant of the other, each probably certain they could take the other with only one of them going to be right if it came to that.

“So, why have you been living so bloody quietly all this time?” Tristan asked her.

“Honestly recovering from my last showdown with Buffy it may make me sound like a little bitch, but that girl took a lot out of me.” Faith told him as they continued to walk further down the alleyway.

“You see I’ve never had any issue killing anyone it’s so easy to me that I eagerly await with anticipation the day someone actually proves them to be a challenge.” Tristan openly admitted to the slayer. “Dante often thinks I’m a fool for not fearing her but in truth I long for a fight where my victory isn’t totally guaranteed.”

“Well Buffy’s quite the opponent she has taken down everything that’s got in her path and we’re talking The Master, Angelus, The Mayor, some cyborg dude, a freaking god, her own wicked best friend and let us not forget the first freaking evil.” Faith reminded him.

“You really do amuse me Faith.” Tristan said with a sinister laugh as a group of vampires began to appear from out of the shadows circling the two of them. “However, I can’t help but feel this fear of her has made you weak so consider this a challenge being set. Kill everyone of these vampires then join me back at the bar for a drink and I will question you no further and if they kill you then I guess they’re the ones who will be having that drink.”

“All your going to have is a bunch of dusted lackeys.” Faith told him as she looked around at the vampires circling her knowing she could take them.

“Don’t worry all of these vampires are completely expendable to me I never use the best for such trivial experiments.” Tristan admitted.

“Okay now I’m offended.” Faith retorted before changing towards the vampires in front of her.

Faith stormed back into the demonic dive bar about an hour later after being set a trap by Tristan to find Dante and Tristan behind the bar passionately kissing only to stop upon her arrival.

“Next time you want to give me a test kid make sure it’s worth my while.” Faith said to Tristan as she walked over to the counter.

“Well it was definitely worth my time no mediocre slayer would’ve came out of that alleyway alive.” Tristan replied to her making it clear he was impressed.

“Did you seriously try to get her killed?” Dante asked his lover making clear he wasn’t in on Tristan’s plans. “We’ve made an alliance with her which means you can’t go around trying to kill her not while the alliance stands anyways.”

“She’s still alive isn’t she if I wanted her dead, I would’ve seen to it myself I was simply just testing the woman.” Tristan told Dante sternly neither lover impressed with the other.

“I totally get it I would’ve tested me out too if I were in your shoes.” Faith admitted trying to break the ice between the vampire and his slayer loathing lover.

“You might actually become the first slayer on this earth I don’t actually want to see dead.” Tristan complimented her before his three vampire minions came bursting through the door holding a bloody and barely conscious girl between them immediately making Faith panic for the defenseless girl.

“Now what do we have here boys?” Dante asked his minions while Faith tried to remain cool.

“Another slayer,” One of them replied while another looked at Tristan and asked. “Shall we prepare the darts boss?”

“Yes,” Tristan answered them before looking at Faith sinisterly. “I say we let my new acquaintance pick out the poison for this beauty.”

“Poison?” Faith wondered while fearing the answer.

“You’re going to love this game!” Tristan said sadistically with an excited smile on his face.

Following her ordeal with Tristan and Dante, Faith returned to her motel room only to find Angel sitting on the edge of the bed waiting for her as she walked in.

“You took your time checking in I was beginning to get worried.” Angel admitted to Faith as he stood up to face her.

“Yeah well as it turns out this particular operation is very hands on.” Faith replied. “You know I hate to be that girl but I kind of like this Tristan guy I mean I know he’s a raging psychopath with some serious slayer issues but other than that he seems pretty cool to hang with.”

“Does that mean you’ve earned their trust then or am I having to worry about you now.” Angel joked with her.

“Yeah but they’re currently torturing the hell out of a slayer while we’re stood here talking so I guess it’s time to switch up the game plan.” Faith revealed to him.

“How did they get their hands on another slayer so quickly?” He asked her. “You don’t think they could be setting up a trap.”

“Well I wouldn’t be surprised if they were testing me with this slayer but unless we act fast an innocent girl could very well be about to die.” Faith warned the vampire with a soul.

“You’ve come a long way faith.” Angel said with a smile, proud of his friend.

“I told some lie about needing to change after dusting vamps so I don’t really have much time before I need to head back so in the mean time you need to call for some back up because something tells me your right about them being hard work.” Faith told him. “Even if the lovers aren’t, they’ve got a bar full of creatures ready to back them up.”

“Good plan but Faith please promise me you’ll be careful.” Angel replied to her.

“I always am.” She answered knowing her words were untrue.

Following her de-brief with Angel, Faith returned to the demonic bar fearing what she could be walking into only to be left horrified upon arriving as she found Tristan throwing darts onto his latest dartboard the tied-up girl from earlier.

“Who sent you?” He asked before launching another dart into the girl’s chest causing her to scream.

“Nobody sent me I promise,” The girl cried. “Please just let me go I won’t tell anyone.”

Faith stood there reluctantly watching as Tristan threw another dart at the girl this time the dart launching into her leg as her screams clearly amused the troubled raven-haired man.

“You’ll have to forgive us for not waiting for you,” Dante said to Faith as he walked over to greet her. “Tristan tends to get carried away with himself sometimes and the customers just love it when he lets his hair down.”

“I bet they do.” Faith replied while looking over at Tristan who clocks her and walks over to the undercover slayer.

“Would you like a shot?” Tristan asked while holding out a dart in Faith’s direction.

“Don’t mind if I do.” Faith responded before taking the dart off Tristan and walking towards the injured girl.

She stood in front of the human dartboard for a second in disbelief over the situation she had found herself in before spinning around and changing direction as she threw the dart towards Tristan who quickly caught it in his hand stopping it from hitting his head.

“I guess Buffy really did break you more than you let on.” Tristan said with a disappointed sigh before throwing the dart to the ground. “Oh well I guess I’ll just have to kill you after all.”

Just as Tristan, Dante and their customers began circling her Angel burst through the front door instantly staking two of the three vampire minions before taking down the third leaving nothing but the dust of Tristan’s minions.

“Good,” Tristan replied with excitement while looking over at Angel. “You brought back up.”

Faith and Angel instantly began fighting their way through the crowd of demons, vampires and monsters killing whatever came in their way while Dante grabbed a hold of Tristan and started dragging him towards the exit clearly eager to flee the scene.

“What the bloody hell are you playing at?” Tristan asked while pushing Dante away. “Things are just starting to get interesting around here.”

“Tristan that’s bloody Angelus.” Dante snapped at his lover while Faith and Angel continued to slay, beat and murder their way through Tristan and Dante’s customers.

“That’s exactly why we should stay.” Tristan replied as Illyria burst through the front door grabbing a vampire’s head with both hands before decapitating the female vampire with her bare hands causing the vampire to turn to dust as Dante looked on in horror at the goddess effortless brutality.

“That’s Illyria.” Dante revealed while trembling in fear.

“Okay now we can run.” Tristan gave in as the two of them ran out through the back of bar which Faith noticed and decided to chase after them.

“You don’t have to go with him Tristan.” Faith shouted after following Tristan and his vampire boyfriend out into the alleyway in which Faith and Tristan first met.

“I’m with him because I want to be I’m on the right side here Faith it’s a shame you’re not with us it really is but there’s no redeeming me nor do I understand why anyone would want to when I’m perfect just the way I am.” Tristan replied to her.

“Okay that’s fair enough can’t say I didn’t offer but before I kill you before tell me what the bloody hell are you?” Faith asked him eager to know the answer.

“Your asking the wrong question Faith you shouldn’t be asking me what I am you should be asking me who I am.” He revealed to her leaving her confused over what was the meaning behind those words.

Faith, Angel and Illyria walked back into Faith’s motel room after a successful night of slaying demons, dusting vampires and killing as many enemies as possible and although Faith was glad to save the girl and cut down Dante and Tristan’s army she could help but think about what Tristan had said while frustrated she didn’t manage to get them both.

“That girl was nothing more than your average blood bag,” Illyria scoffed. “It would only take a second to see now power resided within her.”

“Well blue I was kind of busy trying to save her to evaluate her.” Faith replied before throwing herself down on her motel bed.

“If you sense her power what did you sense from Tristan?” Angel asked the blue haired goddess.

“Power a lot of which still dormant but more power than your average human,” Illyria explained to them both. “The raven-haired man is no slayer or blood sucker, but he is something I recognize but just can’t quite work it out, yet his concubine however is just your average blood sucker nothing particularly impressive about him.”

“Except for Dante’s lineage.” Angel said to which Illyria scoffed at. “So, what the bloody hell is Tristan then?”

“That’s not the question we should be asking though,” Faith revealed to them both as she sat up on the edge of her bed. “We don’t need to find out what he is we need to find out who he is.”

Tristan and Dante walked back into the remains of their demonic dive bar only to see the destruction left by Faith, Angel and Illyria as bodies of monsters and dust from killed vampires lay scattered across the floor leaving them both furious to see the state of their once thriving empire.

“So, a slayer, a vampire and a goddess walk into a bar.” Tristan joked.

“This is not funny Tristan we could’ve wound up dead tonight if we stayed here any longer.” Dante told him in a bid to try and make Tristan see some sense.

“You’re exaggerating there a little babe,” Tristan replied. “So, I underestimated her and didn’t expect her to have back up especially not the kind of back up she came with, but we are far from down and out.”

“Tristan if we go up against them again, we’ll wind up dead.” Dante warned his overconfident lover. “I love you Tristan and it’s that love for you that stops me from wanting to see you dead.”

“And I love you too Dante,” Tristan responded before kissing his boyfriend. “But I’d never love a coward so don’t start acting like one now. I need this fight whether I win or lose I need it.”

“Oh, what the hell,” Dante sighed before kissing Tristan once again. “If we’re going to go out, we may as well go out in style.”

#buffy summers #faith lehane #angel #willow rosenberg #originalcharacter #illyria #buffy the vampire slayer #buffy #buffyverse #angel the series #vampires #witches #slayers #alternative universe #twistedtristan #chaptertwo #buffy fanfic #buffyfanfiction #angelfanfic #angelfanfiction #btvs