#and he wants validation and affirmation that he's not a failure

[willowcrowned]

I keep thinking about that “your need to prove yourself will be your undoing” line, because it’s SO interesting to me in that there’s this acknowledgement there by Obi-Wan that external validation is something Anakin desperately wants—something Anakin thinks he needs—coupled with this refusal by Obi-Wan to give it to him because he knows that no external validation is ever going to be enough for Anakin. Obi-Wan knows that Anakin needs to stop trying to prove himself, to stop trying to please people, or else one day Anakin is going to be lead by that insatiable need to please into a situation he can’t escape from. But, crucially he doesn’t explain that to Anakin, and more crucially: he doesn’t understand where that need comes from.

Anakin, whether he’s aware of it or not, believes fundamentally that there is only one type of relationship where he doesn’t have to earn the right to be safe: familial. He was liked by Watto, but he wasn’t safe, and it was only his desire to please and his ability to do so that kept him from being hurt. His mother, on the other hand, loved him without any regard for his abilities, and tried to keep him safe because she loved him. Obi-Wan continually resists the effort to make him into any sort of familial figure—see: waving off Anakin’s “you’re the closest thing I have to a father” with a sarcastic comment and then taking a shot—which unwittingly places him into the category of person who needs something from Anakin. He, for Anakin, becomes someone Anakin has to please to keep himself safe.

So Obi-Wan’s refusal to give Anakin external validation is logical—right—because Anakin needs to learn that he doesn’t have to justify his existence, but Anakin takes that refusal not as the lesson Obi-Wan clearly thinks it is, but as an admonishment that he’s still Not Good Enough. All Obi-Wan wants is for Anakin to be able to have confidence in his abilities, to be able to look at himself and know he is enough. All Anakin wants is Obi-Wan to tell him he’s good enough—but Obi-Wan won’t, so he goes to Palpatine. In the end, he ends up exactly as Obi-Wan was afraid he would become: a masked shadow of himself, doing anything to earn the approval of someone he believes cares about him.

#anyways i think that if the jedi had decent therapists #and someone had been able to go tell obi wan about how different people have different responses to trauma #and different needs in recovering for it #and also untangled anakin's total mess of a psyche to him and given him the tools to deal with it #anakin wouldn't have made every single stupid decision he made from aotc to rots #because I do fundamentally believe that despite Anakin's genuine love for Padmé #he's still reaching for that relationship as a security blanket #Obi-Wan has rejected him over and over again #and he wants validation and affirmation that he's not a failure #padmé gives that to him! #especially when she shouldn't #which is why he's willing to go murder kids for her #between her/palpatine and obi wan/the republic #there's no choice #one accepts him and lets him slot them into familial roles #the other continuously rejects him and tells him he doesn't belong #from his point of view that is #anyways #thoughts #star wars #star wars meta #kenobi show #kenobi spoilers #obi wan kenobi #anakin skywalker #obi wan and anakin

[devsgames]

Playersexual

"Playersexual" is a term I only recently learned about and it's fascinating to me. For those who don't know, it usually means a character whose sexual orientation is basically open to whatever the player happens to be playing as. Trans? Yeah they're romancible. Man? Romancible. Woman? Sure, romancible. As long as you're the player they don't really care.

I think this term, combined with playing a lotta Baldur's Gate 3 and Starfield, sorta helped me come to terms with understanding why I often dislike really "open" romance systems where every character is Playersexual.

I'm a queer, bi/pansexual person, and that informs how I perceive interactions in and out of games. I totally understand the affirmation and liberation that comes with being able to romance whoever the heck you want. To some people, that's where the fun is at, and I get it. It's valid.

For me I just I feel weird when Playersexual is the orientation of characters in a game world that is also trying to get me emotionally invested. In my eyes, it tends to strip the perceived agency other characters might have; it makes them feel less like real people with wants, needs, attractions and preferences. They end up being more like a checklist or object to be interacted with until I choose all the right option and unlock the kiss or sex cutscene, or the mechanical bonus a relationship brings or whatever the case may be.

To me, characters that feel 'real' have sexual preference. Honestly I feel that if they lack that they sorta lack a fundamental element that informs them as a person and a character. Like, any queer person can tell you that when you're queer things are different. Interactions are different, how you act on the world is different, how you assess situations and the way you engage in conversations are different. Queer people interact with a predominantly straight world different than straight people do. Similarly, being a straight person in a world full of straight people affords interacting with the world fundamentally different than if you were queer. I think to say "every character is maybe queer" steamrolls this fact and sort of undermines that queer experience to an extent.

Plus I think its just like, a missed stroytelling opportunity! The straight dude turns my masc ass down because he's not interested in men? Oh hell yeah, if he's polite about it I think that's really cool! He feels like more of an actual person that way, and what might ordinarily be perceived as a 'failure to romance' feels like it could be spun into another step in our journey as friends together. Maybe we'll crack jokes about it later, or he'll have a change of heart once he gets to kmow me better. It might be awkward, but we had an experience together and set some friendly boundaries, and built an understanding. After all, people having boundaries are often what makes people people in the first place.

So when I play a character and a game tells me everyone in a game is queer, then I'm either lead to believe 1) my character is incredibly charismatic (trust me, that's not usually the case) 2) queerness doesnt exist as a concept in this universe (weird in its own way and also usually not true) 3) eh i dunno we didn't think about it too much just choose someone as a partner already (boooo!).

Look if everyone in my party has strong opinions about me pickpocketing someone and stealing 5 bucks from them, I'd expect them to have opinions about who they share a bedroll with >:(

#gamedev #game development #indie games #game dev #gamedevelopment #game design #indie dev #indiedev #thoughts #blog

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: Eliza Mondegreen

Published: Nov 23, 2023

For years, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) has attempted to suppress internal dissent on the issue of child gender transition by any means necessary, bending and breaking its own rules in the process.  

This summer, the Academy board voted to reaffirm its controversial 2018 policy statement endorsing puberty blockers, cross-sex hormones and surgeries for gender-distressed kids. It also promised to conduct a systematic review of the evidence — something the AAP had evidently not found necessary before endorsing gender-affirming care in the first place. At the time, I observed that this is how organisations start to walk back from a medical scandal: “Quietly, slowly — ideally so quietly and so slowly that no one notices they’ve retreated from shaky to solid ground at all.”

But it turns out I was too hasty. Rather than waiting for the systematic review of the evidence, the Academy has announced it will be issuing “practical guidance” on gender-affirming care for kids early next year. 

The new guidance is a rare bright spot for co-author Jason Rafferty, a paediatrician and child psychiatrist who has weathered a stormy autumn that saw him sued by two former patients. Rafferty was also featured in an unflattering piece in the Boston Globe, in which he described his approach to gender-affirming care as “affirming and validating the child’s sense of identity from day one through to the end”. Reporter Jennifer Block spells out what that means in practice: 

Rafferty told me patients who live with harms or regrets do not signal a failure of the affirmative care model. If a child or patient doesn’t like the effects of an intervention, or begins to feel different in their identity, then the provider continues to affirm by discontinuing treatment. ‘They’re not treatment failures if that’s what’s affirming,’ he said.   - JENNIFER BLOCK

In other words, the solution to gender-affirming care gone wrong is more affirmation, more hormones, more surgeries.

Critics and young people who’ve come to see being affirmed in their transgender identity as a form of medical harm beg to differ. Just last month, FAIR in Medicine smuggled dissent into the heart of the Academy’s annual conference, renting a booth in the exhibition hall to bring paediatricians face-to-face with detransitioners. While some paediatricians were eager to learn more, others were furious to be confronted with the underside of gender-affirming care, “refus[ing] to look at any materials, responding with ‘I already know all that, I already know.’ They were sure they knew what we had to say, sure they’d been fully informed, sure that anyone who wanted to talk was a bigot and a transphobe and nothing more.” 

Rafferty and the American Academy of Pediatrics have fallen into what Megan McCardle termed “the Oedipus trap”. This holds that “there are some mistakes no one can live with, no matter how innocently they were made […] If you have made such a mistake, it is obviously better not to know you have done so.” 

Confronted with evidence of medical harm, regret, and detransition, organisations such the American Academy of Pediatrics and clinicians such as Dr. Rafferty have two options: plug their ears, cover their eyes, and charge straight ahead — or look at the evidence and consider changing course. In other words: fall into the trap, or dare to climb out.

==

the solution to gender-affirming care gone wrong is more affirmation, more hormones, more surgeries.

Anything that is unfalsifiable is, by definition, logically incoherent, and can be dismissed, as it's not just not-wrong, it's also not-right. This also designates it as a tenet of religious faith.

#Eliza Mondegreen #gender ideology #queer theory #gender affirming care #gender affirming healthcare #affirmation model #medical corruption #medical scandal #medical malpractice #religion is a mental illness

[lulu2992]

hey! just a little thought i had here but. ive always found it interesting how john is the one fascinated with planes when jacob would have had more experience with them. personally ive had a little headcanon that john tends to pick up new interests/hobbies and absorb himself in them frequently just to keep his mind busy (once upon a time this was work, obsessing over others dirty secrets, tattooing, planes, etc), but i just wanted to see if you had any thoughts about john's interest and how it does/doesn't involve jacob! or just anything really. ty for reading! <3

This got me thinking! I also believe that John tends to fully invest himself in whatever he does, but I imagined it was because he was a workaholic and a perfectionist who never did things by halves, and also because he wanted to impress Joseph and Jacob.

The lead writer once explained that, as the youngest, John wanted “to be recognized by his older brothers as having value”, so I thought that was why he always did “too much”; he constantly seeks validation. His adoptive parents’ “love” was conditional, and I believe the idea that he has to prove himself all the time to be worthy of his loved ones’ affection is still deeply ingrained in him. That said, maybe he also absorbs himself in his work and hobbies to keep his mind busy, as you suggested, either because he feels like he’s wasting time when he’s not doing anything or because there are things (like his past and his failures) he’d rather not think about…

I never realized that, since Jacob is a veteran of the 82nd Airborne Division, it would seem more logical if he were the one interested in planes instead. In the game, he apparently has one, the Pack Hunter, but he’s never seen flying it. Meanwhile, John actually flies Affirmation, has his own airstrip right next to his ranch, and a coat decorated with little planes (as well as a tattoo of the pattern). I never thought that, maybe, John’s passion for planes was a way for him to try to impress Jacob, as if to say, “Look! I love the things you love too!”

Following this logic, we can imagine that John is possibly obsessed with tattoos because of Joseph. But while the Father only has a few, John, for whom it’s always all or nothing, got his forearms and hands (and maybe other parts of his body) fully inked. Again, maybe he was trying to say, “You love tattoos? They’re great! Look how much I love them too!”

I once hypothesized that John dressed exactly like Joseph because he admired him (but I also really like the suggestion that it’s Joseph who dresses like John). And while this explanation for the stuffed animals in his ranch is still my favorite because it’s funny, what if John decided to start hunting as a hobby (that’s never mentioned in the game but he hunts in Absolution) because Jacob did it too? What if everything he likes and does is, in one way or another, inspired by his brothers and/or meant to make them proud?

I don’t know if it’s true, but I think it’s a very interesting question to consider!

#john and his fragile ego #john the chameleon #as his brother described him in the book of joseph #far cry 5 #john seed #jacob seed #joseph seed #hey I found the post about the stuffed animals again! #I think about it often #the book of joseph #far cry absolution

[housecatclawmarks]

The weird sort of scapegoating of NB/genderqueer people frustrates me a lot too when I see other binary trans people doing it because like. sorry but where the fuck were you when I (trans man) was getting discriminated against trying to access gender affirming care as a teen? I (sixteen, crying in the shower on a weekly basis bc of helplessness and dysphoria) was mislabeled as nonbinary by my care provider in an attempt to deny me care because he decided being gay meant I wasn’t Man Enough, which meant I didn’t deserve the hrt that ‘real’ trans men like him needed access to.

Where were you all then, when I needed empathy? you’re happy to include me along with you now-we’re the same in your head. I’m on hrt, I’ve had top surgery, I’m out as a man. But I was out as a man at sixteen. I had already faced violence for being out as a man. I fought hard to get on t, to get top surgery-so that I could comfortably wear my short shorts and do drag and grow my hair long again.

Even with my gender nonconformity, you’re happy to accept me now, because you’ve decided I’m one of you-but where were you then, when I needed that unconditional acceptance? Where was the inclusion and reassurance when I was scared and suicidal?

It wasn’t coming from other binary trans people for the most part! The people in my life then wanted to talk about transition like a race, wanted to compare experiences, wanted to mention again and again how their doctors liked them, they had never had that issue. Because it was my failure that I couldn’t live up to that standard of masculinity, and they could not resist feeling good about themselves for gaining a cis institution’s validation and praise.

But nonbinary people were there for me! They didn’t have expectations or requirements of my gender presentation that I had to meet in order to be supported by them! The fact that they were nonbinary and I’m a trans man didn’t make them treat me as less of a trans person or less in community with them. Nonbinary transfems made me feel safe experimenting with my look any way I wanted to. When I was looking for top surgeons, it was two nonbinary transmasc drag performers who recommended one to me without hesitation, and I knew I could trust what they said because if they had been treated well by this surgeon without compromising themselves, I would be too. And I was. So make some genuine connections with the people physically around you and shut the fuck up.

#aaron says things

[siover]

Talk to me about autistic Shiv bestie

im so terribly self indulgent when it comes to autistic shiv but just in the way of prattling.. to me (one of) the core tenets of shiv's character is that she is necessarily fundamentally alienated from emotional sincerity and honesty and this in part comes from 1) the very hostile sexist environment she was raised in that insisted on reducing her to a trophy, logan's trophy, at a very young age 2) logan's involvement 3) caroline's lack thereof, despite shiv's repeated attempts to connect with her into adulthood and 4) her only path to success (read: survival) being to prove them all wrong.

so she constantly plays a part all through s1--the part of the distinguished professional who just happens to be the daughter of Logan Roy--as well as s2 and s3--but this time the prodigal daughter returning to emblazon a new path beyond her father's footsteps--in a way that she becomes what she Wants. not in that she achieves her goals, but in that she grows to define herself and her relationships by how well they fit into the persona of whom it would most benefit her to become, if that makes sense.

and tom is such a key part of this--the secret sauce, even, if you will. i don't even think she realizes just how much she grows to genuinely love him and depend on him until the beach scene in s2--it's so easy to read her response to him asking "is this real" before their wedding as cruel but to her it's genuinely baffling, because the validity and significance of that as a factor that has never occurred to her. like maybe this is projection dialed up to a 110 but i do think shiv assumed tom knew it was more about being A Couple than about love, if that makes sense. (which is probably why autistic shiv is so closely tied to lesbian shiv in my head--it's about choosing the assigned roles so you can pretend you had agency in conforming, that it works for you because you let it, it's about faking and masking to make it in a space that's inherently hostile to you and your needs and after being forced to playact at "normalcy" for so long you've lost sight of if there's ever a real person waiting underneath or if you're just an onion all the way down. anyway!)

also shiv's relationship with perceiving and being perceived--how she offers to share her struggles with marcia if marcia can reciprocate, the few bathroom scenes she has scarcely involving mirrors--is SO interesting to me. she uses perception as a weapon and is hyperaware of how the same can be done to her..something something the rejection of being Seen and hence being Loved at the cost of a shot at being respected!! when sarah snook said shiv is uncomfortable with vulnerability and flexibility bc she isnt secure in herself!! the invisible and visible barriers of being a girl and knowing you don't fit in the boxes you should + the invisible and visible barriers of being a woman and having to figure out the boxes or risk ridicule

this is getting SO long and increasingly incoherent but i couldnt end without adding autistic shiv makes even more sense in the context of autistic kendall. for one thing, the mirrors--shiv desperately rejecting a parental figure and being the only person she needs while kendall desperately needing to feel, well, needed--but also kendall is everything shiv has learned not to be and his failure to mask is an integral part of that! it's not a coincidence that logan asks shiv for affirmation when rava says iverson needs time to adjust before he comes to dinner, and the unsaid relief of "at least it wasn't me," when logan tears kendall down for things shiv contends with herself only grows louder each time imo

#autistic shiv is something that can be SO personal #i mean none of this is new and #idk if any of this makes sense #and i had a whole spiel abt the iverson scene which tumblr (thankfully) deleted lmao but yeah its abt masking denial HOPE (that its enough) #and all the bells say being abt shiv (and the others) learning that it will never be enough ......... shrimp emotions #shiv roy #ily for asking this <3 #char tag

[katbrando]

positive affirmations positive affirmations positive Affirmations

he wouldn't find me annoying, he wouldn't hate me and my voice, he wouldn't walk away when i'm sad, he would want to help actually, he wouldn't mind holding me when i'm crying, he might not know what to say but he'd be there anyway with his silly jokes and good-natured banter, he'd do grounding exercises with me, he'd tell me he loves me despite my flaws and then he'd kiss my forehead and suggest i get some rest

i'm going to sleep earlier than normal tonight, i got fuck all done tonight but that's okay, i don't have to constantly crank out things and if kinktober stuff is late then that's Okay, it doesn't make me a failure and it doesn't make my love for him any less valid

[carmenthabaddie]

I am rich and famous and love myself and put me first and ignoring circumstances and current reality. It’s my time to shine. I know my worth and it’s my time to shine. Stop telling people your business ladies. Most women are pick me and make excuses for shitty men. Learn to ride solo. Learn to enjoy your own company seriously. I enjoy my own company. But the friends I do have is rock solid. I’m thankful for real ones because so many have friends who are secret haters. It’s the honest truth.

People always be competing with me. And I laugh at them so much. They that insecure silly rabbit tricks are for kids. It’s nothing I can’t do. It’s my time to shine. And make this money and shit on my haters all day everyday period. I know my worth and not willing to lower it for anyone or anything period. I have everything I want. Dick not important ladies especially if he can’t buy and pay your bills. You deserve the best and only you can create your dream reality. It’s my time to shine. Circumstances and current reality don’t matter when you too concerned about your new story. All you should do is affirm and persist and stop making the law of assumption complicated when it’s so easy and straight to the point. I swear y’all make this harder than it needs to be.

I am the creator of my universe and spirit and ancestors in me and blessing me with money and creative talents. Who knows what future holds. I know if I count on discipline, consistency, commitment, dedication and determination my future will look and be bright. Stop counting on motivation count on discipline, dedication, determination, consistency and commitment instead. Stop consuming so much witchy and law of assumption videos and actually apply and use information. It’s time for you to do what you was created by spirit and black ancestors. You will make mistakes and don’t worry. It’s sign you are showing action and not just words.

I know my worth and use men for money. And make them worship me. Detach from peoples opinions and limiting beliefs. I have to start doing weight training at home and recording meals and workouts. Think I’m buy tv dinners instead of meal prepping cause I hate cooking and know calories and portion control. I will just add more vegetables. Or eat what is at home. I need to figure this out. I’m stick with what’s in the house and look at restaurant menu and pick choices that is little healthier for me. And diet drinks. And use food scale and calorie counting app. I paid for subscription and I don’t even use the calorie counting app. Gotta plan my 3 day juice fast during first of February. Putting this in my digital planner. I plan to win. I had enough of not progressing in my weight loss journey. I have stop being to loose with my diet and develop strict discipline. I can’t rely on motivation. It has made me stuck for years. Good thing out of failure is I know better and can do better.

Gone blog on this more. And persist and do what I want. Loving and validating myself and accountable of my time and choices. I’m really feeling myself in this photo. I look mad good. I’m so fucking bad and bougie. I love the law of assumption and 2024 will be year of success stories.

#black femininity #black hypergamy #hypergamy #spoiled girlfriend #black girl moodboard #black beauty #black woman aesthetic #i wanna lose weight #black women in luxury #black girl manifest

[tomemythoughts]

Internal thoughts. 12/19/23 7:00am

Life has been missing a lot of love. 

I don’t hear it enough I don’t feel it enough.

But what is it that I want?

With the immense amount of failure I’ve felt the last couple months this year, I needed quality time, i needed a lot of validation. The only thing that gave me some validation and purpose was when I was in school.

I couldn’t give it to myself anymore I was tired trying to remind myself I’m ok, or things will get better. I stopped looking at the words on my mirror. I was exhausted inside. I just needed reassurance. I wanted the reminders. I wanted to feel validated from the people I loved. The people I spent quality time with, that gave me a sense of belonging, all moved. Finding that "home" again was hard.

I’ve always set myself up for the opportunities, But I just needed support. The way I give it to people. 

What did support look like? A lot of words of affirmation.

Little reminders. How could I express that without feeling so needy? Every time I’ve ever expressed what I wanted, it’s always a disappointment. Putting expectations on people to give you the basic reminders of “hey I love you, you’re going to be ok, you’ll figure this out, I’m here for you” felt a bit much. 

I wanted to hear “I got you, and I’m here for you”

I wanted to hear the “I love you, you’ve been there for me, I’m here for you.”

I wanted to hear, “it’s ok, everything is going to be ok.” 

I wanted more hugs. I wanted more affection. A rub on the back, an arm around my shoulder. I needed a genuine friend. I wanted someone to remind me I’m loved. I was failing so hard to give it to myself. I was just tired. Sometimes you just need it from others when your own cup feels depleted. I tried pouring into my own… but it was spilling quicker than I could give water to myself. I felt the failures of not being there for people the way I wanted to. The empath that I was, a savior complex to my identity. Not everyone needed to be saved Karen.

But i couldn't help but feel like I failed. I needed confirmation that I didn't and that I me just being there to listen was enough. But i felt this immense amount of regret. A situation I was learning to understand, so if something similar happened again, i knew how to move better. But I had this sticky note on me.. "you fcked up." and as long as that was there, i couldn't move from growing. I had to stop loving the way I knew, and started to just give fragments of it.

Iast night, I finally got out of bed to run an errand with a friend. He got me out of my room. It’s hard to ask for help but I finally had to. I fell back into the dark hole that I slowly started getting out of since October. It was getting pretty dark in there and I needed to get pulled.. hard.

I didn’t say much. He didn’t pry. Which was ok. I just cared that he was there and just talked and updated me on his life and day. Made me chuckle. Until I finally felt comfortable to open up. About my failures, my family, feeling alone and unlovable from the people that really held such soft places in my heart. I held back a lot of tears until.. the moment he said… “have you just sat and listened to what you just told me?” And I couldn’t understand what he meant. Like of course i did? and then he proceeds.. “at a moment, you thought you lost your dad. You probably had to think of all the things you’ve never said to him. And everything from figuring out how to take care of everyone settled in.” I immediately had tears rolling down my eyes as I stared at the TV across from me. 

I nodded after he said that. 

I had no words. What I felt was pain, all the memories of the pain my dad gave me. And the things I wanted to tell him that hurt me. The physical abuse that left a scar on me for years. The reminder of my anger in 2015 where I blatantly told him “I wish he died.” I felt that immense of hurt in 2016 that built up to me being in a rehab facility. All the pain I felt and he never acknowledged it. All the things he did. That was what settled in. And the feeling of manipulation by my parents and sister. And the fact I couldn't feel remorse instantly bothered me. That was the reason I couldn’t visit him. I wanted that pain to go away, and I wanted to feel something else.

Later we talk some more after eating a meal I haven’t had in a while. A nice memory from the good ol days. I never cared so much about fancy food, as much as I cared about the company around me. 

I started lacking in the quality time with people…

One of the big things that I cared about a lot. 

People were close but so distant. Facetimes would have been sufficient with people who lived far away from me or who didn't have the time to hang out. I did my best to create those moments for myself the last couple months.

The feeling of being surrounded by people but feeling so alone. 

How could I ever explain that to anyone?

As he dropped me off home, he told me. “You know you were the reason I got through dark days. You were there when I needed someone. You showed me it was ok to feel what I felt, and you were there. I would not be progressing in my life and learning about myself without you showing me that you always had my back.” He continues to tell me how much i meant to him. And laughs… is that enough validation for you?

I absolutely lost it. I cried so hard. And laughed at what he just said. I nodded. Took off my seatbelt and hugged him. I felt a little better. 

Then my friend in vegas called me. She was one of 3 people I texted the other night at 1:30am. “I’m not in a good headspace, I need to talk.” After scrolling through my phone and friends list several times of who do I lean on? 

I’m glad I did message her. We FaceTimed as I got home. It’s been a minute since we’ve caught up. But I knew I would feel safe and welcomed. I told her what I was feeling. Everything happening all at once where I couldn’t compartmentalize each emotion or situation. There were too many happening simultaneously for me to manage it efficiently. We had some good laughter in there.. I needed it. And another good cry I didn’t think I needed again. 

But it was how she reminded me.. “you’ve been there for me and my family. you are family.” And I just balled my eyes again… and she did too.. because she was going through the motions of things in her life also. She said, if we were 10 minutes apart, and I was back in San Diego, I’d come over to your house and I’d just sit with you. 

It was the simplest things I needed. Reminders and love. 

She was crying too as she opened up what she had been feeling. I automatically stop crying. The innate response in me, told me, it's her turn be there for her. I could never really be in my feels if I saw someone else was. Because they need me at that time. My tears stopped almost instantly, and I was there to just listen and care and put a smile on her face.

My heart was filling up. I slept a little better last night. Am I still feeling the motions? I am. Sadness still resides. But hopefully I’ll find a spark again. that spark I felt in January of just being truthfully me.

[mandoalorian]

Brown Eyes [Din Djarin x Reader]

!! SPOILERS FOR EPISODE 15, SEASON 2. !!

*Hi. The episode has been out for three hours. The devil works hard but I work harder. I hope you enjoy! xx*

Summary: Din has always wanted to confess his love to you— but with his devotion to the Creed and with the risk of losing you, he wonders if the revelation would really be worth it. Would you even consider being with him if he refused to remove his helmet? When Grogu is taken away from Din and in the fiendish hands of Moff Gideon, Din realises there isn't anything he won't do to get his son back.

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: descriptions of anxiety, *SPOILERS FOR Season 2 Episode 15: The Believer of The Mandalorian*

Word count: 2.6k

Permanent taglist - let me know if you want to be added: @supernaturalgirl @phoenixhalliwell @ah-callie @luvzoria @stardust-galaxies @wickedfrsgrl @goth-topic @nerdypinupcrystal @wonderfulfluffer @kiwi-the-first @pedroepascal @castiel-barnes @honeymandos

Masterlist

gif credit: @siennablake

"Din," you froze up, backing away from the Imperial who was sitting at a table drinking caf. "I- I can't do it."

Din's head snapped to face you, masked by the Imperial Shocktrooper helmet he was doting. "Why not?" His voice was firm, but the tone of his question dripped with concern. You bawled your fingers into a fist as you squeezed your eyes tight shut, beginning to anxiously pace around in circles.

"That's Valen Hess," you muttered, trying your hardest to regulate your nervous breathing. "He- I used to serve under him. I- can't… go in there. Din, he'll recognise me." the thoughts in your head were jumbled. Din placed two hands steady on your shoulders.

"I'll go, hand me the dataspike." Din told you calmly. You felt like putty under his touch. Usually, his firm grip would calm you down and ease any of your troubles away— but not this time. You felt completely nauseated.

Grogu was at stake. When you met the Mandalorian, it took him some time to find the confidence in introducing you to the child. You were Ex-Imperial after all. But he warmed up to you, seeing the way you cared so deeply for the children on Sorgan. When he introduced you to the little green bean, who did not yet have a name, you were enamoured. That's when Din knew he was in love with you. Ever since that day, he'd only fallen in love with you more and more. His feelings became stronger with every waking second he spent with you.

Of course, he never acted on his feelings. He wished he had, he wished he could say something. He knew that if something happened to you and you didn't know how he truly felt, he'd regret it for the rest of his life. There had been countless times where you and him brushed paths on the Razor Crest. Plenty of times to say something, plenty of times to mutter the three words that had consumed his mind, body and soul. ‘I love you’. The words were like a broken record in the back of his mind. He looked at you through his visor, seeing your distress and his heart aching and he wanted— no, he had to do something.

His son had been kidnapped and suddenly, Din was an unstoppable force. Nothing could hold him back— not his friends, not the Creed, nothing. The regret ate him up like flies on a corpse. If there was one thing he learned from Grogu's disappearance, is that you never know what is coming around the corner. Din began to treat everyday with you like it was your last because there was no way of telling what the future was holding. And that only stirred him on, the desire of telling you how much you meant to him.

"You can't go," you removed your finger from your lips where you had been anxiously biting your nails. "The security system is biometric facial recognition. There must be another way." you tried to rack your brain for a solution, but Din's mind was already made up.

You took a deep breath and closed your eyes in search for an answer. You steadied your breathing. "Din," you whispered. "What if we distract them? You go in there and speak to him so he's looking the other way and I'll use that moment to sneak past and access the terminal."

No answer. "Din?" you asked, cautiously opening your eyes. He was already gone. Your mouth began to open and close like a goldfish as you watched his approach the terminal. He paused, midway between two tables, shakily saluting Valen Hess. Din turned back to the terminal, held his head up high and carried on over to it.

Upon examining it, Din found it was no different to any other information point— whether it had been New Republic or Independent, Din was lucky enough to already know how to navigate the system. He clicked a few buttons on the keypad, bringing up the facial recognition scanner. He stood still, letting it roam down his face. He didn't have much faith, but it was worth a shot.

Din cursed under his breath as the scanner light lit up red, beeping ecstatically.

"Error. Error. Facial scanning incomplete. Ten seconds until system shutdown." An automated voice informed. Din felt a few gazes burn into his back, no doubt Valen Hess noticing the commotion. "Ten, nine, eight-"

You watched as the timer went down, your hand fingers curling around the blaster in your holster. You didn't know what Din was going to, but you knew if anything— he was a man with a plan.

And that was when he removed his helmet.

It hit you like a ton of bricks, it took the air from your lungs leaving you gasping in silence. You felt like a criminal, looking at him with your own eyes. No matter how hard you tried, you couldn't tear the gaze from the back of his head.

Brown hair. Dark brown hair, slightly messy from the helmet. Although you were some distance away, you noticed the little waves and the way it curled at the nape of his neck. The cut of the Imperial armour revealed just a sliver of his skin. It was golden tan— surprising to you.

"Facial scanning complete." The dataspike ejected from the terminal, a small light lit up in green, validating that the information had been processed and Din was now the owner of Moff Gideon’s co-ordinates. Just as he was about to put his helmet back on, a voice interrupted him.

Your heart sank when you saw that Valen Hess had approached Din.

"Trooper, where are you stationed?"

"Transportation."

"What?"

"My designation is transport— co-pilot."

"No son, what's your TK number?"

Din felt his throat dry up as he looked the man in the eyes. Valen Hess stared at Din right back, looking into the eyes that nobody had gazed into since Din had been sworn to the Creed. Din swallowed the lump in his throat, only for it to return immediately.

"He's with me." you announced, walking over to Din and Hess. A wash of relief shuttled through Din's body upon hearing your voice, but that was completely blown away when he realised you had seen him. It was true, you had seen his face— but there was no time to act up. Din had sacrificed everything for Grogu and you weren't going to let this go wrong. "This is my trooper, sir."

"Who is he and what's his TK number?" Valen Hess repeated, clicking his tongue between his teeth.

"This is my commanding officer TK-0402, and I'm TK-0322. I'm afraid he doesn't speak much. Ever since his vessel lost pressure on Tanaab." You explained with confidence, sighing apologetically and placing a hand on your hip.

Din found the courage to look at you, making brief yet bewildered glances between you and Valen Hess. He had a thousand questions but he knew he could trust you, and so, he smiled wearily, nodding his head in agreement to your little story.

"What's his name?" Hess inquired.

You took a deep breath, and turned to face Din. He looked at you too, his face softening as your eyes met for the very first time. You felt your heart rate slow down as you took in his appearance. You were nervous, and tensions were high, but as you looked into the Mandalorian's sparkling eyes, you felt a familiar sense of belonging. You felt complete.

"Brown eyes." you whispered, feeling the tears pool up as you tried to choke back a sob. Din smiled at you, just a small smile, but enough to make the corners of his eyes crinkle. It gave you the reassurance to know that this was all worth it.

"Well, brown eyes," Valen Hess adjusted his belt. "You troopers were both on the transport that brought in the valium, correct? The only surviving shocktroopers, might I add." he grinned, raising an eyebrow.

"Y-yeah, that was us." You answered hesitantly.

"Please, come join me for drinks. We must celebrate." Hess said, approaching the table he was originally sat at and ushering you over with an exaggerated gesture.

You and Din exchanged a look before walking over to the table and sinking down into the chair. Hess poured out two cups of caf and slid them over. Din stayed silent for most of the conversation, briefly making utterances of affirmation and nodding his head to suggest that he was indeed listening.

Although, he wasn't listening really. His mind was racing and he couldn't concentrate on anything. Although it wasn't necessarily true, he felt like every head in the room was looking at him. Staring at him. Judging him breaking his oath. Was he a failure? Was he a disgrace to the Creed? Dishonourable? A monster?

"I could blather on 'to health' or 'to success', but… tell me TK-0322, where do you come from?"

"Alderaan." you said without hesitation. Din looked at you with furrowed eyebrows, wondering why exactly you had given Hess the details of your real planet.

"Ah, I see…" Hess frowned. "Well, to Alderaan!" he grinned, raising his glass in the air.

"No." you deadpanned and Hess shot you a confused look.

"No?"

"No." you repeated. "Alderaan was a peaceful planet destroyed by the Empire."

"And those on the Death Star, those who aided in the destruction of Alderaan became heroes of the Empire. I was there." he said with pride.

Din watched your face harden as your cheeks burned up with rage. "Heroes?" you croaked out. "For attacking and murdering innocents? Hundreds of thousands of people died on Alderaan. I lost my family."

"Losing the ones we love is simply part of life," Hess revealed with a sigh— and Din felt his heart shatter at his words. He stiffened up, his gaze fixating on the concrete wall as his surroundings began to faze out.

"At what cost?" you whispered. "You know, every day I think about it. I wished there was something I could do to stop it. But no, I was here, fighting for the Empire. While the Empire was out killing my people." You gritted out as tears pricked your eyes. You felt Dins hand manouver under the table and take place on your thigh, as his gloved fingers rubbed comforting circles into the thin material that covered your skin. His hand was large, fitting around your leg perfectly. He held you down, stopping your anxious shaking and you immediately calmed down. Din wasn't going to stop you, but he did want you to not let your feelings intrude on what was really happening right now. Valen Hess, however, looked mortified. You picked up the glass and forced a smile. Din copied your movement and you clinked your glass with his. "To family." you toast, and Din smiles. He smiles so wide a dimple appears in his cheek.

"To family." he confirms, thinking about his son and how close he was to getting him back.

You put the glass of caf back down on the table and quickdrew your blaster, shooting Valen Hess in the chest.

Din knew better than to question you. He took out his own pistol and helped you take down the remaining troopers and Imps in the room before you both raced out of the base.

Of course, you knew that there'd be commotion. You heard the TIE fighter engines as soon as you stepped foot outside. Din grabbed your hand, pulling you along as you both sprinted into the depths of the forest. Once deep enough, you looked up. It was dark, strings of light beaming through the gaps in the trees. But it was enough to illuminate Din. You had envisioned what Din looked like beneath his beskar helmet every single day, and now, you had your answer.

Din took one look at you. He pulled off his leather gloves, dropping them to the ground and placed his hand on your cheek. Subconsciously, you leaned into the warmth of his palm as his fingers tucked the strands of hair behind your ear. You closed your eyes, humming in delight as his bodily warmth transferred to you.

"Din, when we return to the ship you can put your helmet back on. I never saw you." you promised, your voice barely above a whisper and your eyes remaining closed.

"Cyare," Din mumbled, his heart yearning. The pad of his thumb traced your face, following the height of your cheek bones and the arch of your eyebrows and down your nose. "Open your eyes." he requested. Cautiously, you obeyed, your eyes fluttering open as you drunk in his appearance once more.

Brown stubble with a patch of grey graced the lower portion of his face. You reached out, this time your own hand cupping his cheek. Din didn't let go of you, and he let you touch him. Your finger nervously brushed over the coarse hairs and you let out a small giggle as you remembered him telling you from the Fresher room on the Razor Crest that he was going to shave. He had, and now you could see for yourself that it had started growing back.

"Do… do you like what you see?" Din asked nervously, his gaze only temporarily lifting from yours.

You nodded your head. "I do," you admitted. "You're… so handsome."

Din felt his cheeks heat up as you watched the small blush creep upon his face. You were enthralled, seeing him like this. Seeing his humanity— his emotions and expressions. You knew you loved Din, with or without the helmet— but this confirmed everything.

"May I?" Din asked, leaning into you slowly and closing his eyes. The curve of his nose bumped against yours as and the softness of his lips touched you so delicately.

You mumbled a small 'yes' and as your lips parted, Din kissed you. Soft, sweet, but passionate and with heart. You tangled your hands in his hair, tugging at it and encouraging Din to kiss you deeper and further. He done so, willingly, a groan of pleasure escaping his mouth and vibrating through your body.

He pulled away eventually, breathless and his eyes dark and glazed. "I-I…" he was speechless, looking at you with the utmost adoration. "I love you." He sighed in defeat, knowing now was a better time than any to admit his true feelings. He had to do it one day, and it just so happened to be in the depths of a forest as you hid from Imperials.

"I love you too." you exhaled shakily, thrusting forward into his arms and letting him hold you tight to his chest. He pressed a kiss into your hair.

"I love you so much." Din sobbed, his grip around you tightening like he was afraid that if he let go, you'd vanish just like Grogu did. "Please, never leave me. Please."

"I'm not going anywhere Din," you promised. "Now c’mon, let's go get Grogu."

PART TWO

#the mandalorian season 2 spoilers #pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #the mandalorian x reader #din djarin #din djarin x reader #the mandalorian #the mandalorian season 2

[blondehairstripe]

So I think that as of S3, Varian is crushing hard on Rapunzel. And in this case, it goes deeper than mere infatuation, given the nature of their relationship and everything that’s transpired between them within the series.

Read on for in-series analysis with screencaps and some bonus post-series fanon speculation!

IN-SERIES ANALYSIS

Before he went villain, I’d say that Varian’s feelings toward Rapunzel were more hero-worship, so he likely thought she was pretty, but undoubtedly out of his league and already taken to boot. No signs of crushing yet—he instead becomes infatuated with the only unattached person who came to visit him: Cassandra.

In my humble opinion, Varian didn’t have a romantic attraction to Rapunzel until it hit him like a bolt of lightning when she told him “It’s your mess, but it’s my kingdom” in Rapunzel’s Return.

Though he was oddly flirty with her while she was in that dungeon cell...

There is also the distinct possibility that the cell was where the first stirrings of a crush began to form during their reconnection. The basis for this theory comes from the absolutely adoring look he gave her when she said “we need him” and how he looked pretty well smitten as she pulled him along.

By the end of the episode Rapunzel frees Quirin, and hoo boy, is that the final nail in Varian’s coffin of feelings. She’d forgiven him his atrocities, kept her word, freed his father—honestly, it’d be weirder if he didn’t fall for her if you ask me.

Then Be Very Afraid rolls along, and we learn that Varian considers Rapunzel “wondrous and magical,” something Rapunzel notes rather slyly and Pascal seems to think is sweet. The look on Varian’s face when she takes his hand and pulls him along again says it all. Boi is smitten.

Additionally...just look at this dork when Rapunzel catches him being a nerd about metals and drinking hot cocoa in Cassandra’s Revenge. This is the reaction of a teenager who just got caught doing something embarrassing by his crush. He zeroes in on Rapunzel specifically and doesn’t seem to care that any of the others caught him.

But through all of these new feelings for Rapunzel, Varian loves Eugene too (90% platonically in this case), so my take is that he’s resolved to not interfere in their relationship. And after everything that’s happened, he likely feels that Eugene is a better match for her and that they truly deserve each other. Though after his stint as a villain where Varian completely lost his respect for the ruling class, the whole “she’s a princess I’m a peasant” thing would likely not be a factor for him anymore. Also, he’s clearly never given a crap about age gaps, and the 4 year gap between him and Rapunzel is even smaller than his canonical S1 crush on Cassandra with an 8 year gap.

Now that we’ve covered the analysis of canonical events, we can delve into pure fanon speculation territory.

POST SERIES SPECULATION

While Varian has indeed resolved to not do a single stupid thing to mess up Rapunzel and Eugene’s relationship, he can’t keep himself from wanting to be close to Rapunzel and craving her affection. Luckily (or unluckily, depending on how you look at it) Rapunzel is a very affectionate person, so she’ll hug Varian, hold his hand, even cuddle him because he’s her precious friend. Also, she’s a pro at giving him the verbal validation that seems to fuel him (aka his love language: words of affirmation).

This results in Varian coming up with excuses and ways to stay close to Rapunzel, and at times when he ends up being sandwich-snuggled between Eugene and Rapunzel (because let’s face it, we’ve seen that Eugene is huggy) he sometimes catches himself trying to pretend Eugene isn’t there, which he instantly feels super guilty about.

Side note: Ruddiger is completely aware of how he feels because Varian is an open book when he’s alone with his little raccoon buddy, and the devious little critter sometimes manipulates situations to try to get Varian alone with Rapunzel or to set them up for what he believes is a romantic encounter (what do you mean being trapped inside a dumpster together isn’t romantic? Intimate dark setting, and all the garbage you can eat!). These setups only work about half the time, and so while Varian appreciates the sentiment, he’d prefer Ruddiger to stay out of it because the failures tend to end with Varian being horribly embarrassed.

And if Rapunzel ever gives him what she views as chaste kisses on the cheek or forehead, Varian’s over the freaking moon and always blushes so hard he almost passes out. Rapunzel finds it cute while Eugene thinks it’s the funniest thing ever and teases Varian he’s gonna have to get over that habit if he ever wants a girlfriend/boyfriend of his own. Whether he’s aware of Varian’s crush or not is up for debate, but he for sure has no idea how deep it runs and thus considers it harmless if he’s aware of it.

Varian probably also frequently gives Rapunzel gifts in order to get her attention and favor in the form of inventions/discoveries he thinks she’ll like. He might even bake her things since we’ve seen he has a knack for it. His favorite thing is if he can get Rapunzel to come work on a project with him, giving him the one-on-one time he craves while doing something he loves.

Also, I think that if anyone were to insult Rapunzel in Varian’s presence, they might find their shoes sticky bombed to the floor. Looking at you, Uncle Monty. Varian might become the second person in Corona to not like him.

Of course, he’s not so obsessed with Rapunzel that he has no life outside of her, since he very much enjoys one-on-one time with both his dad and Eugene (Lance is kind of a 50/50 shot for him, and the girls are like little sisters to him). And of course he spends most of his time in his lab doing alchemy. But he lights up every time Rapunzel enters the room and gravitates towards her, and would do pretty much anything for her.

And for a while, Varian convinces himself that this is fine, and that he doesn’t need Rapunzel to love him back the same way he loves her. Though he feels small flares of jealousy whenever she and Eugene kiss or indulge in other romantic gestures that Varian would never hope or dare to try, but he stomps the jealousy down for the greater good of everyone involved.

The wedding would be super bittersweet for him, since he’d be so happy that his friends have found happiness together, even while knowing that Rapunzel is unquestionably out of his reach now. But that doesn't stop him from continuing to love her. His dad says he’ll get over her one day (his only human confidant, the dude is legendary at keeping secrets), but Varian isn’t so sure.

And from this point, the fanon possibilities are pretty much endless, some of them running the gambit from Varian continuing to respectfully pine for Rapunzel in secret, to him getting over her and finding his own happiness with someone else, to him gradually descending into madness and going just a touch yandere. Depends on what flavor of Varian you’re in the mood for: pining Varian, happy Varian, or villainous Varian. And of course, you can get real fancy and combine different Varian flavors to make something unique!

@varipunzel​

#Varipunzel Appreciation Week #varipunzel #varian #rapunzel #tangled the series #rapunzel's tangled adventure #tts #rta #tangled #analysis

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket, Se3, ep 12 (Part 1)

The aftermath of the curse lifting~ Btw, the timeline is super messy. Flashbacks & background stories aren’t this anime’s best tool, it’s always felt messy when they attempt that. more on it in my side notes below. Now into the ep~

-Yuki & Machi: ( Blossoming Love!):

I love that the author attempted different direction of romantic love with yuki/machi that suits yuki’s personality! Opposite to kyo/tohru who had the (from best friends to lovers/ from roommates of 3 years to lovers). Yuki & machi’s love is based on natural crush & while she isnt his best friend, she’ll be his lover & they’ll know each other after dating. Both types of love are realistic & have their own path of dynamics, which is clear with how yuki/machi will be interacting & how kyo/tohru are now interacting since becoming official. I’m still bummed most of yuki/machi’s “noticing each other” is supposed to be off-screen, it robbed me of seeing yuki interact in a normal teenage-boy crushing on a girl which contrasts his relationship with kakeru, kyo, haru & tohru. Now, we’ll start the “ official-boyfriend yuki” stage! Also, this jump to confessions didnt help machi have any uniqueness beside being saved by yuki’s words from her trauma. watching her interact with him normally would’ve added realistic depth to her being a normal girl with unique cute quirks differently from tohru, Isuzu, kagura or even motoko!. Oh well~ moving on & focusing on the meaningful cute confession. I loved that altho there were a hug & a kiss, it didn’t have “ I love you” statement. You know they (will) love each other so dearly, but they’re in stage 1 now, she just called him by his first name for the first time! cute! I love that the emphasis is on the “ first name” calling since this is a huge key to yuki’s identity & struggle. Also, It is cute she bought a gift to tohru! This is a set-up to a healthy relationship with yuki since she isn’t jealous from a precious woman in his life that isnt related by blood.

-Moving towards the future: Kyoru’s final stage of growth!

By Kyokoy’s grave Kyo & tohru had key moment of growth & healthy closure to their core character issues::

1- Kyo’s toxic habit of running from life became a desire to run towards life!: While this habit is rightfully excused by his trauma, it needed to be addressed once his curse broke. We know he stopped running & faced his dad, confessed to tohru, accepted her love, embraced his crazy desire for her & accepted he deserved to be loved! Even ran towards tohru, chasing her! However, all the above is him running to the good current life in his grasp. He needs to run to the far away future this time! Needs to plan for the good & accept that the bad is part of it. struggling is part of life & he’ll endure it together with her, while enjoying life’s rewards.

I love that kyo is the one who suggested moving out to another city/place, cuz kyo was the one NOT living. He was long dead & trapped in the cage of his guilt & self-loath. Tohru at least was living thro helping others ( which is not real living but at least it’s better). Kyo was “ Mom, why didn’t you kill me instead of yourself?” ,“ I’ll kill yuki & then kill myself, would that please you, dad?!”, “ I cant forgive me, I dont want you to forgive me, tohru”. Walking on a road of self-destruction & slow death. But now, with tohru he wants life!!! all of it!! travel, learn, see, struggle, fail, succeed, build their own future by themselves.

I love that kyo didnt take tohru’s approval for his plans for granted. He really didnt think she’ll accept right away. He didnt even want her to dedice quickly, He was prepared for compromising to a better solution for them both. They’ll work other possibilities “ if i’m gonna live in this world, I want to do it with you”.

I love that kyo was real abt the obstacles ahead & didnt want tohru to just follow him based on love. He wanted her to decide on her own as well. He also, left the door open for her to change her mind anytime & this screams support & understanding!! Very powerful!.

2- Thoru’s toxic habit of being ashamed to desire anything for herself, living for others & wearing a happy “i’m okay” mask while concealing her true feelings became confidence, self-clarity & honesty: The tohru who was smiling while concealing grief on the beach is gone, the tohru who kyo had to coax her to “complain, be selfish” se01,ep5, to “not hide worrying over a relative’s sickness” se02, ep14 “ cry if she needs to” se3, ep6, is now telling kyo her honest opinion abt his proposal, while thinking of her own self as much as him & even objecting to his sentiment abt her mom’s words!!!!

I love that tohru is now a confident free woman making her own decisions based on self-honesty & communication with her partner. She wasn't just “okay” with it cuz he wants it while putting fake smile, No more of that. Now, she’ll say her true feelings, she asked him abt his plans, tried to see if it is a spur of the moment decision or if he really thought abt it. She also inquired where’s heading, who he talked to, what he’s planning! She is deciding for herself after hearing him! ok, this is your plan? I like it. I’m going!  Very powerful!.

I love that like how kyo was realistic abt the plan having some difficulties due to starting away by themselves, she was also realistic that it is indeed sad to part with my friends, my hometown, & my mom’s resting-place, but i’ll choose ME now. “I” want to go with you for “me”. This is not a bind I’ll follow you wherever love story, this is realistic depiction of healthy relationship. Acknowledging hardships & accepting them saves you from being crushed by failure, you’ll endure it when it eventually happens & move on, cuz God knows we DO fail & succeed! Life isnt smooth sailing~ 

I love that tohru complemented him on his plan cuz she could see that is a sign of growth. If she’s gonna share her life with this man, it is delightful to see that he is thinking of a happier, healthier & realistic future! Cuz kyo was this destroyed man~ so destroyed he was pushing her away despite loving her dearly, now, he’s asking her opinion & permission to accompany him!

I love that tohru made sure to touch upon kyo’s last scar “ my mom doesnt hate you” This is a scar that wont go away even if kyo is mentally healthy. Cuz death is the ultimate truth. He can never hear kyoko’s affirming her love for him, he’ll have to trust in it based on their earlier interaction together. Tohru is powerfully & stubbornly taking away most of his pain by affirming her acknowledge of her mom. You might disagree kyo, you might still feel a bit guilty, it might haunt you sometimes. but me? NO. Never. Mom loved you. She meant ONLY good. Hopefully my determination heals you bit by bit, & it DOES. Kyo stands bravely, confidently & happily in front of kyoko’s grave & instead of saying “ i apologize for hurting you, or tohru, I’m sorry, forgive me”.  he tells her he’ll keep their promise & protect tohru for life! he literally proposed there in front of her mom & all. T_T

-Kyoko’s Words: ( Sometimes, you don’t get to know the whole truth & that’s okay):

Can’t describe how much I love this part. This is the most painful yet important lesson in furuba. Life isn’t a movie where the entire truth is exposed to the characters or the audience. Sometimes you live & die without getting to know an important truth, hearing a much needed confirmation, or getting a loved one’s forgiveness. There are things in our life that we just can’t get back no matter how much we tried. What we do, then? die? despair? throw away what we DO have in our hands for this lost truth no matter how important it was to us? No, we do the only thing we can. Live. Not just go thro life’s motion, but really live. Accept the good & the bad. This is so goddamn easy & difficult as hell too!

-Kyo not knowing kyoko’s words at that time was tragic. It was so tragic it sent kyo into a suicidal descent into the abyss. The wounds of his mom’s death that were slowly healing with kazuma’s care got re-opened & poured blood! The old destructive habits became full force, The toxic coping habits returned with its ugliness. I can’t kill myself literally? I’ll do it figuratively. trapped, caged, destroyed, eyes shut, ears closed, only seeing his pain. Kyo is us. All of us in any moment of true crushing despair. He could never bring the dead back, hear their loving words or ask forgiveness. Thro kyo, the author is telling us... I know. You had your moment of lost truth, didn’t you? I know. IT IS OKAY. live, my child. your pain is valid, let it take its course, but afterwards live bravely.

-Kyo’s path towards healing is: the ugliest cuz it hurt tohru of all ppl, the longest cuz he was the last one to move on, the bloodiest cuz he’ll never have the ppl he lost, the rockiest cuz he failed & failed, the most frustrating cuz he repeated his mistakes over & over, He couldnt even do it alone. needed intervention & support. He lost hope. completely. But it is okay even if you fell as deep as kyo: stand up. even if you never learned the truth: let go. even if you were the last one to learn or heal: it isn’t a race. Embrace life with its good & bad & continue as kyoko said “ you fought well”

-Kyoko’s parting plea to her daughter broke my heart into pieces. Death is ugly, but death is a truth that we can’t escape. The leaving ones is hurting as much as the ones left behind, but hopefully, the leaving ones will find a happiness a kin to the ones left behind. yuki’s "say a prayer & move one, one step at a time” is all you can do.

-Kyoko was: a gangster who hurt others (ugly path), repented, married & had a daughter (fulfilling path), widowed & left her daughter while grieving (ugly path), came back, repented & tried to raise tohru well, love her enough! (fulfilling path), died & left her young high school daughter all alone (heartbreaking path) but she accepted that the last path isn’t sth she can fight, prayed, & accepted her fate~

-Kyoko~~ “ you fought well”  while you were alive~ you really did! The Tohru you left behind helped a whole clan & hopefully readers as well! you tohru is loved by an entire generation of readers & anime watchers. Tohru is so precious & I can’t stop crying~

Side Notes:

Timeline is super messy & confusing. (a) Tohru’s hospital discharge, kyoru’s hug & curse break for everybody all happened at the (late) afternoon. While curse was breaking, akito was wearing her white kimono & she cried until tohru hugged her on sunset. (b) Before tohru’s hospital shigure’s face was scar-less. we first saw the scar in the afternoon & he was wearing his kimono.

Now the flashback, Akito wearing her outfit from her talk with the maid (which also happened while kyo was talking to his dad which is on the same day) & shigure wearing suit & it’s sunset time??????? How can the sunset happen before the curse break on the afternoon? She inflected the scars on the sunset, how did he have them on the afternoon of the same day?? both changed outfits which is even weirder??? Someone help me put things on order. Or is order not important? If the sequence of events isn’t important, then, why did it have to happen on the curse break day??? Shigure could’ve had his scars a day or two before tohru’s discharge.

Also the OP started in the middle of yuki’s scene which was so odd!

No big deal, but I still feel that yuki’s curse break would’ve been thematically powerful last ep. Especially after seeing The Zodiac Ruler come & collect the spirits. The legend would've been wrapped powerfully on the same ep where it was told. We see the zodiacs’ original story & we see its closure. It would’ve made tohru/akito’s hug more symbolic. An end of an era to akito & to them all. Real Goodbye to the zodiac animals, but now we had a goodbye & a half. lol.

Is yuki the only one seeing the cursed spirit? He looked down at it? I dont remember the others looking down where an animal would be? Is yuki’s curse special? different? He got all the ropes/bonds around him? I really thought yuki’s theme is all abt desiring to be normal & despising the “special” treatment that haunted him even in school. 

Momiji/ kagura /kyo interaction is cute!

Haru/Yuki/ Isuzu interaction is cute as well. XD

Kagura, girl, you used to have best fashion, what’s up with jeans under knee length dress?! lol.

I’ll be honest. It is a lost opportunity that machi weren't made to question how teen-tohru is yuki’s mom. That would’ve solidified her as a unique stand alone character if she were to discuss it with yuki. Tohru being yuki’s mom figure is not normal, otherwise yuki’s entire dilemma of figuring out his feelings for tohru would’ve become meaningless. Having machi quickly “understand” it is a bit weird. But it helps the plot move quickly, I guess. ( it reminds me of Arisa hugging akito when she confessed stabbing kureno without questioning anything, it is weird, but you get the message that “ we aint got time for that~ gotta hop on the next plot).

I love that furuba subverted the old anime-trope of the entire happy cast staying together in one city/place & living exactly like they did in their teens except being married now! XD. It is so realistic that each character is now moving on their path of life~

Tohru wore a ring in her foreshadowing vision! SHE WORE A RING! My baby girl is a grown woman now~ T_T. I love tohru so much!~

Shigure/ akito & the last banquet is in my review part 2. I’ve been editing out any thoughts abt Shigure from my previous posts. I needed to see the whole picture first. I think can now talk abt them, I’m looking forward to the comments of the next part cuz I really really need to see if I understood it or if i’m off.

#Fruits Basket #Anime Only #crying paper #proud paper! #tohru is just so precious! #final season #Part 1

[anupalya]

Please bear with me, I’m about to say this as a complete and utter Destiel lover (as anyone who spends even a tiny bit of time on my dash can see), Misha lover, and person who just loves my little curated corner of fandom and the incredible explorations of love and friendship and family and fun that fanworks bring. 

This is also very much NOT intended as a call-out post, and not intended to scold or shame anyone for anything they are experiencing or feeling.  I am just sharing my own differing opinion.

I’ve pieced together what happened during today’s Q&A after being very confused for a few hours (lol coming on tumblr is always an experience), and I honestly love that the questions today weren’t about Destiel.  That’s not because I don’t love having new Destiel revelations, and I definitely was celebrating yesterday when Misha shared that Cas could see the love in Dean’s eyes.  It is so wonderful to have someone say “you’re not crazy, I see it too, I played it that way ON PURPOSE, this is how I felt the character was” after all the gaslighting crap Destiel fans get put through, and how often we get called crazy and cringey.  It was also a particularly beautiful, thoughtful, affirming, and just all-around good take that adds another lovely piece to our Destiel mosaic.  So I absolutely celebrated and reblogged the shit out of things yesterday, and I am so glad we all enjoyed it.

That being said, I personally want to be moving away from holding Misha as an authority over the character of Castiel or of Destiel.  It’s actually hard for me to remember to do, honestly, given all the bullshit the see-double-you and various other people have pulled.  He’s shouldered the burden of all of their failures in that regard, which has to be exhausting and straining.  But, as shown by the care he gave to his Destiel responses yesterday, Misha does not want to be the definitive authority on this subject, and I quite agree, for a number of reasons.  If he tried, he’d never be able to avoid invalidating some or other person’s read or interpretation on the character or relationship.  It would end up being at the very least a publicly-not-queer-presenting man talking over queer voices, which he was so careful and conscious to NOT do, yesterday.  He also, and I cannot stress this enough, has not watched the show.

Fandom and fan works, the different interpretations of Destiel and the beautiful art created around it, have changed my life in many ways.  And this was done by different people presenting their own interpretations, by saying “screw you” to the story we got and “love you” to the characters we got.  The beautiful, incredible thing about fandom is that we are our own authority over the story, and no one person’s opinion overrides another.  It’s in that we don’t have to look to anyone to be the authority and say what is right or wrong.  Validation is wonderful, especially because people love calling us crazy and delusional, and so the thoughtful validation Misha gave yesterday shows respect and solidarity and acknowledgement that we are not stupid or crazy because he played it that way on purpose(!!!), but it was not the deciding factor on whether we were “right” or “wrong.”

Today’s panel had questions about Bridgewater, about the food show, his poetry book, Darius....I haven’t seen it yet but I am so excited to.  If Misha shares Destiel opinions I am so happy to hear them and celebrate them, but I also want to hear about his next endeavors and the fun he is having with them, what they mean to him, etc.  I am so glad people asked those questions, because that sounds like a fun panel, very interesting and lovely and I hope Misha also had a wonderful time answering them and sharing his interest and endeavors with us.

Once again, this is NOT intended to scold, shame, or hurt anyone.  I do want to say that I doubt we will be able to get much more of Misha’s opinions than what we’ve got (although if I’m wrong, yay) because I doubt he can share everything we want to know, ESPECIALLY about the see-double-you’s fuckery, and again, he doesn’t seem to want to position himself as an authority on the subject.  For that reason, I do want to caution everyone who might be disappointed right now to not get your hopes up again, but encourage you instead to just treat any possible new shared opinions or revelations of his intent in playing Cas as beautiful (although NOT authoritative) presents.

#destiel #misha #momento con #momentocon #castiel #fandom

[zeta-in-de-walls]

Guys, I know you love Technoblade, but there is so much Technoblade apologism around. It’s cool, but it’s also just one perspective - a rather skewed one that Techno’s character is pushing. 

The argument that Pogtopia used and betrayed Techno will never sit right with me. I get that’s how he feels, but let’s not forget the other side now. Tommy had always planned to take back L’Manburg, he said this repeatedly and was always against its destruction. Perhaps he didn’t say this to Techno directly but I feel like it’s his failure not to infer or try to understand what they were after. Like Tommy and Wilbur were the former leaders of the country, how could it be a surprise that they wanted to lead it again after being ousted from power? I’d argue that Techno was being wilfully blind to their aims and was using them to satisfy his urge for destruction. Now, I know the counterargument - wasn’t Tommy being blind to Techno’s aims? Somewhat, but not to the same degree, I’d argue. He asked Techno repeatedly whether he was on his side and Techno repeatedly affirmed that he was. He spent a lot of his time in Pogtopia just spending time with Techno - that bit where they took Antfrost hostage, or that time visiting Skeppy’s place, or when they met up on halloween seemed like an excuse for him to bond with Techno because he wanted to be his friend. Surely, if Techno said he was on his side, why wouldn’t Tommy think Techno would support him in leading L’Manburg? 

The worst part was, I think Tommy and Tubbo would have listened if Techno voiced his concerns. I know he gets interrupted at times but that happens to literally everyone. Wilbur was the one who offered Tommy presidency only for him to immediately turn it down and offered it to Wilbur instead. WIlbur then said he didn’t believe in Governments anymore - but still offered the role to Tubbo. Tubbo, in his acceptance speech literally said he didn’t even understand what a Government was really supposed to do anyway and just committed to improving L’Manburg and making it more welcome to all. That’s a group that would have been open to critical feedback at an important juncture.

You know, Techno ought to have used his words - he ought to have said that maybe they didn’t need to have a Government at all. When he was stating his arguments later on, Quackity was indeed listening to his points and even agreeing with his thoughts and Tubbo was asking questions - their goal was definitely not to oppress anyone and until he set the withers on them and killed Tubbo again, they were on very good terms with Techno for helping them take down Schlatt. Now they perhaps used Techno, but the resistance never really needed Techno’s help. He was useful in providing supplies but many of them had their own stuff and there were enough of them already to threaten Schlatt, who died of a heart attack in the end anyway. 

Instead, Techno set off the Withers, accusing Tommy personally of being a power-hungry tyrant even though he’d just refused power right after killing Tubbo again. (If Tubbo wasn’t already on his last life there, that moment should have been a canon death, you know.) In Tommy and Tubbo’s eyes, Techno certainly betrayed them even if he considers himself to have been entirely consistent. Now I do like Techno’s character - it is a running theme about using words versus violence and its interesting how such a miscommunication occurred and how Techno felt that the only way to get his message across was violence where that’s what alienated them from him. How little anyone blames Wilbur for his role in forming the Government before blowing it up is interesting too. 

Anyway, those are some thoughts. I feel like Techno’s stance has been validated after the fact but I truly don’t believe corruption was inevitable and indeed had he stayed with L’Manburg they never would have been so vulnerable to manipulation form Dream and it could’ve been a better place. I know he’s against it altogether but I believe the vast majority of their problems stem from Dream’s oppression. L’Manburg has some of the poorest members of the SMP, and their forever being controlled by the rich. Either way, now Tommy’s with Techno but I truly don’t believe Tommy’s ideals will ever be the same as Techno’s (and if he becomes convinced I will consider it bad for Tommy’s character) so their alliance is doomed to failure. Their team-up now at least helps them to better understand ach other and show how Tommy still wants to be Techno’s friend even if they have very different visions of the future. Tommy wants to defeat Dream and win back his discs to end conflict. Technoblade wants to destroy L’Manburg for revenge and to fight oppression. 

#thanks for reading guys #sorry i guess i'll always be a lmanburg loyalist #tommyinnit #analysis #meta #hope this doesn't come off as too critical #i find techno interesting #but i don't want his viewpoint to be seen as the only right one #i'm sure he's got good intention but do they justify his terrible means? #so here's some thoughts #i feel like everyone on the server wants peace #but they all have their different visions for what utopia looks like #dream with his belief that tommy is the problem #tommy with the music discs being the core issue #techno with the lmanburg govt #tubbo with dream and techno both the issue

[another-fanfic-haven]

[redacted] is thicker than [redacted]

note! I've been under a lot of stress lately... it's a piece of comfort for me [words: 694]

Puffy eyes, runny nose and sore throat. Yup, you've been under a lot of stress this weekend. People screaming constantly, because you just did your job as you were supposed to, and your close friend began to take his anger out on you... Generally speaking - too much of a mess for your brain to process.

Sunday morning, you can hear rain tapping on the windows. Ideal weather to just curl up under your cozy blanket and sob rethinking your life...

You're holding your phone tightly in your hand, raising your head, and immediately responding to any text.

You curled up, face in the pillow, and started to cry quietly, you don't want anyone to hear you.

You haven't noticed how quickly the time went by... Then you felt something. A hand, quite bony, brushing your hair.

- What happened? Are you okay? - you heard your friend whispering. - Get out. GET OUT! - you cried out into the pillow. - No, until you tell me what's wrong. - he stated firmly. - None o' your business! Fuck off! - you yelled at him and hugged the pillow tightly to your face.

You heard him taking a deep breath and sitting up next to your head still brushing your hair. He knows you, You will tell him everything that's bothering you, just give yourself some time. You got up, head hanging low and hair covering the majority of your face, and suddenly hugged tightly to his chest. Tabi was shocked by your unexpected affection and hesitantly wrapped his hands around you.

- Don't leave me... - you sobbed. Your friend swallowed audibly and cuddled you tightly. - I won't. - he declared looking at you. Vulnerable, deeply hurt being...

- My- my only friend... - you said struggling after a long pause. - He- he said he will... - you burst into tears again. Tabi patted your back. - Take your time. Slowly. I have time. - he assured you in a surprisingly soft voice.

You took a deep breath.

- He said he will [redacted] himself if I leave him... And I couldn't respond in time! And now he's offline... - you mumbled wiping your face. - Continue, please. - said concerned. - My- mother said I'm a failure... And I shouldn't be living alone... - you muttered. Tabi wiped your eyes with his palm. - Why? - Because-- - you pointed at your legs. Tabi noded. He is waiting until you're calmer.

- Your friend... Was it the first time they said it to you? - he asked in a concerned tone. You denied it. - And they always come back after few hours, right? - You nodded. - Why do you ask... - Because you have a golden heart, and they are using it. They are abusing the fact that you will do anything for them, dumping all of their shit onto you. And no, mental issues are not valid reasons for 'em to make YOU feel guilty and shitty. - And how do you know... - you mumbled. Tabi sighed again and patted your head. - I just know. - he exclaimed firmly. - And you are not a failure. I- I don't remember too much. But I will never know that you don't have a limb. - He lifted your face to look into your eyes. - Remember. You. Are. Badass. You survived an almost fatal vehicular accident. You're driving this hellish motorcycle with one leg. You-- - he took another deep breath and looked briefly away - you jumped into that inferno. Just to get me - a maniac - out. - he affirmed you. Your eyes started to water again.

- I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I'm sorry-- - you buried your face in his chest again. - It's fine. - he said peacefully.

Rain poured from the sky, filling the silence between you two. You started to feel drowsy, your eyelids became heavy and the peaceful sleep embraced you. Tabi didn't want to wake you up, he carefully covered you and leaned back... After a long while, filled with this white noise... You both were asleep.

#fnf x reader #friday night funkin x reader #fnf tabi x reader #fnf tabi #friday night funkin vs ex #vs tabi #fnf fanfic #friday night funkin fanfic #fnf fandom #friday night funkin fandom

[adventuresoutsidethegenderbinary]

Hello, River. This ask is pretty long, and I am sorry for that. I have a lot to get off my chest, and I was hoping you could help.

I saw your post about your situation with your mother. I can't imagine how hard that must be for you. I just want you to know that you are not alone.

I have only formally come out as pansexual to my sister (affirming), my sax instructor (affirming) my therapists (affirming), my mom (accepting), and my oldest brother (accepting). About a month ago, I went to a meeting for an LGBTQ+ support group with my university (I currently live with my parents and drive to my classes). It was called "Spectrum," so I lied and said it was an autism group. However, my dad (a recently appointed Mormon bishop) took it upon himself to look it up, so when I got back, he immediately confronted me. He was relatively calm, since he had a bit of time to cool down, but it was still very stressful. I covered for my self in a variety of ways, including describing myself as "having attraction towards people regardless of whether they are male or female." I felt the need to phrase who I AM as something I DO. My mom talked with me about the situation the next day and said, among other things, that he had wanted to tell me there was an emergency at home so he could confront me as soon as possible. She apparently name-dropped "pansexual" during a later conversation with him, but in spite of that he hasn't brought it up since.

I doubt that is for lack of trying, though. He also wanted to talk to me about my political views, since I had been posting a lot of political material to my Facebook page. He is convinced that we have a lot in common. I am not. As you have likely gathered, he is hardcore conservative. He's not openly bigoted against most people, and not quite QAnon territory, but he's out there. I have taken a sharp U-turn to the left. (Exhibit A, my blog.)

The moment I got out of that conversation, I started packing in case I needed to leave. I started formulating ideas. I signed up for campus housing. I made plans with my sister to stay at her house (about 2.5 hours away) if need be. I managed to convince my dad with surprising ease to let me stay with her for about a week (my mom was instantly on board). She is not LGBTQ+ herself (not to my knowledge, at least) but, as previously mentioned, she was very affirming (she was actually the first person I came out to). She has strained relations with my parents (read: my dad) because she left the Church a long time ago, partially due to her sexual activity, and they (he) are convinced that they need to somehow bring her back into the Church (not a chance in hell of that happening). I have been staying with her and her fiancee for the past week.

I do not relish returning (which I will likely do tomorrow evening or Friday morning). I do not want my dad to start probing me. I have already stalled - the original plan was for me to go back yesterday - and I don't think I can stall any more.

Do you have any suggestions or advice on how to proceed? He doesn't even know that Tumblr exists, much less that I have a blog here, but I hate that I am keeping everything secret from him - that I have to. Obviously, it's his fault. I'm up front about it with my sister and with my therapists, and even with my mom. But I have no reason to believe that he will take any accountability for himself. He is convinced that he is doing the right thing, that my sister was a failure (on both his end in "not instilling the gospel in her deeply enough" and hers), that the Church (which I plan on leaving soon myself) is the only way anyone can be truly happy.

How do I avoid confrontation? How do I keep things under wraps? And is there any way I might be able to convince him that maybe, just maybe, he might be in the wrong?

On top of that, I can't help but feel like I'm exaggerating some things, that I am making myself a bigger victim than I really am. I feel this when I am talking with my therapists and I feel it venting to you now. Obviously you don't know my full situation, but do you think I might be overblowing things?

Thank you, and again, I'm sorry for sending such a long ask. Keep doing what you're doing. Your work and advocacy is an immense blessing to us all.

~Red (he/him)

Hi Red,

Thanks for sharing! Never worry about sending in a long ask, I love answering. I obviously can’t provide you with super concrete solutions since I’m not in your shoes, but I do know that you’re not over-exaggerating because for the longest time I thought that I was too. When you’re constantly subject to harassment and judgement, and constantly told that everything is your fault, you start to feel like you’re making things seem bigger than you are. Trust me, you are not. 

My advice would honestly be to just lie low for now. I know that it’s hard to hide who you are - believe me - but sometimes it’s a lot easier than confrontation, especially if your father is paying for your college. I’m glad that you signed up for campus housing - you could be out as who you are at school and then only have to pretend around your parents. 

I do genuinely believe that people who are homophobic can change, but it takes a lot of time, energy, and effort, and ultimately, it’s up to the person themselves, not you. Until you are no longer dependent on him, I would stray away from bringing up LGBTQ+ stuff. He could eventually come around, but I wouldn’t take that chance while you’re still a dependent.

I’m sorry that you’re in this situation - please stay strong and remember how valid you are.

Love always,

River

#asks #answered #sending love #tw #tw: homophobia