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outerbankswriting · 4 years

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Could it be? Chapter 10 (JJ x Reader)

JJ x Reader

CH.1 - CH.2 - CH.3 - CH.4 - CH.5 - CH.6 - CH.7 - CH.8 - CH.9

Description: She has a crush on JJ, but he has always seen her as another one of the “dudes”, or at least that’s what she thinks so she just doesn’t even try anymore, until things start to shift between the two of them. (A/N: I’M NOT GOOD AT DESCRIPTIONS BUT THESE IS JUST WHAT I WOULD LOVE TO HAPPEN IN OUTER BANKS WITH JJ)

Warnings: none

CHAPTER 10

After you and JJ were done having breakfast, the two of you decided to spend your afternoon by the beach and let the other ones know so they could join you.

“John B said Sarah is also joining us, which means she’ll probably bring more drinks.” You said as the two of you were making your way to the beach.

“Praise the heavens!” JJ jokingly raised his hands to the air.

Once the two of you settled down on the beach and had everything prepared for when your friends arrived, you came up with the great idea of going into the sea to refresh yourself a little. A wave of confidence had washed over you this morning so you’d decided on wearing your favourite red bikini which you knew made your body look extremely good.

As you slowly and intentionally took off your clothes, you felt JJ’s eyes intensely stare at you and for the first time in your life, you didn’t feel your cheeks heat up by his staring, instead you felt a tingling sensation all over your body, making you walk towards him and take his hand so he could stand up.

“Are you not going to join me?” You grinned at the flustered JJ in front of you.

It didn’t take him long after your question to take off his shirt and follow you into the sea.

JJ had already seen you plenty of times before in your swimsuits and you had seen him without his shirt off more times than you could count as well, but this time the two of you were fuelled with a mix of different emotions, probably because of the fact that you both already knew there were feelings between you, giving you the confidence of wanting to do more than just stare at each other from afar like you’d done plenty of times before.

“Hey Y/N,” JJ splashed you as soon as you turned to face him.

“My eyes you idiot!” You screamed in agony and covered your eyes with your hands as JJ immediately rushed towards you.

As soon as you felt JJ stand in front of you, you splashed the water on his face making him back away from you.

“You’re going to regret this.” He smiled while shaking his head and swimming towards you.

“JJ don’t you dare!” You screamed at him, while you were kicking your legs aggressively trying to avoid JJ from grabbing them since he was underwater.

You failed terribly at your attempt of trying to get him away from you and were lifted up by him as he carried you piggyback style. You wrapped your arms around his neck and pretended to fake choke him.

“I don’t mind you doing that. In fact,” he grinned, “I kind of like it.”

“You have such a dirty mind.” You playfully punched him on the shoulder.

You felt JJ grab the back of your legs a bit tighter and you knew exactly what he was about to do.

“JJ I swear if yo-“

You weren’t even able to finish your sentence before you were swallowing salty water thanks to JJ throwing you in the water.

“I’m going to get you for this.” You pointed out your middle finger at him before bursting out laughing.

You were rubbing your eyes trying to stop them from stinging from the salt water and felt JJ wrap his arms around you and his wet, toned torso press against your chest. You squinted your eyes at him and he cupped your face with his hands as he tried to wipe the water away from your face, of course failing at it since his hands were also wet.

He leaned in towards you, giving you a wet and sloppy kiss, both your lips tasting salty from the water but not really caring about it.

“What are we going to do about this?” You said against his lips.

“What do you mean?” He pressed another kiss into your lips.

“Our friends,” you wiped away a drop of water that fell from his hair to his face, “what are we going to tell them?”

You watched as JJ bit his bottom lip and furrowed his brows.

“It’s your call.”

“My call?” You raised an eyebrow at him.

“I’ll do whatever you say.”

You remained quiet for a few seconds, thinking carefully about the situation. What even were you going to say to your friends? How would they react? You hadn’t even established anything with JJ yet, the two of you had just kissed and proved yourselves that your feelings for each other are mutual but it didn’t mean you were dating, and you didn’t want to be the one to suddenly ask JJ the annoying what are we question.

“I think we should keep it a secret for now,” you said it more to yourself.

“Right.” JJ nodded and you could hint a bit of sadness on his face.

“I mean we don’t ev-“

“No, yeah, I agree,” he was quick to cut you off, “it’s better if we don’t tell them about this.”

You just nodded back and headed out of the sea since you knew the rest of the crew were going to get here soon.

You grabbed a beer from your beach bag and handed JJ another one, the two of you sat in silence for a few moments, thinking about what exactly was going on between you two. You knew damn well you did not want to have a friends with benefits relationship with him whatsoever, you wanted him for yourself only.

You remembered the words he said last night. I care because I love you. And gasped when you thought about how you never said you loved him back, even though you did. You did love him and a lot. You’d tried to restrain the feeling of love for him for months since you believed nothing could ever happen between the two of you, but now that you know how he feels about you, you don’t know how to act. Rafe had left you scared of what you thought was love while you were with him and you didn’t think you were going to get into something anytime soon.

“Hey guys!” Kie’s voice interrupted your ongoing thoughts.

“Why so quiet?” Pope asked as he sat down next to JJ and grabbed a beer from your bag.

“The sun man.” JJ smiled at his friend.

“Yeah it’s pretty strong today,” Pope went on, “I see you didn’t wait for me to get in the sea.”

“You know how the stubborn queen gets,” JJ smirked at you, “I had to follow her orders.”

You just stuck your tongue out at him and he mimicked your action.

“It’s not like the sea’s already closed you drama queens.” You rolled your eyes at the guys.

“She’s right, let’s go.” Pope said as he gulped down his beer and headed to the sea with JJ right behind him.

You stared as the two guys got into the sea and pretended to fight for what felt like the trillionth time already. They were always acting like little kids and it never failed to bring a smile to your face.

“So,” Kie cleared her throat, “do you have anything to say to me?”

You raised an eyebrow at her in confusion and she rolled her eyes.

“Really Y/N?”

“Oh you mean the party with the Camerons?” You said and took a sip from your beer.

“Not really.” She furrowed her brows.

“Then I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you said as your heart started racing faster for some reason, “my life’s pretty boring.”

“Right, I see what it’s like.” She said coldly and grabbed a beer.

“Kie,” you said softly but she shook her head.

“I didn’t get here with Pope you know?” She raised her voice and you looked at her with confusion written all over your face.

“What do you mean?”

“I got here like half an hour ago.” She crossed her arms and you felt your cheeks heat up, connecting the dots and realising what she meant.

Half an hour ago you and JJ were splashing around in the sea. Half an hour ago he had thrown you in the water. Half an hour ago the two of you had kissed.

“I uh,” you stuttered, not really knowing what to say.

“Yeah, so you do know what I’m talking about now,” she stared straight into your eyes, “what even is going on Y/N?”

You looked at her and saw more hurt than anger in her eyes. Kie and you used to tell each other everything, being the only girls in the group (before Sarah and John B got together) had brought you closer, always joking about the boys and having countless of girl talks, so you could understand why she would be hurt by you not telling her about JJ. But could you blame yourself? You didn’t even know what was going on either.

“I don’t know Kie,” you sighed and talked a bit too fast, “it literally just happened last night and I don’t even know what’s going on. We just kissed and he told me he has feelings for me and well you know I have feelings for him too but we haven’t really stated anything between each other and I haven’t even been able to process any of this and I-“

“Hey, hey,” she grabbed your hand, “it’s alright, I’m not angry at you. I just want you to know that you can trust me with anything.”

You took a deep breath and nodded at your friend, giving her a shy smile.

“Don’t tell Pope, nor anyone please. We’re still trying to figure out what’s going on.”

“I’ve got you. But do tell me,” she grinned, “how are you feeling?”

You felt yourself start to blush and smile widely at your friend.

“I can’t believe he likes me, it’s just so surreal.”

“I knew it,” she nodded and smiled to herself, “it was so obvious.”

“It was not!”

“Yes it was! I told you he was always flirting with you. And every single time you were late to our hangouts he would always ask about you and why you weren’t there yet and stuff like that,” she went on, “plus one time I caught him talking about you with the boys but as soon as they saw me they all stopped talking.”

“And you didn’t tell me because?”

“You were with Rafe at the time, and even after you broke up with him I knew you were too stubborn to ever admit anything about JJ.” She stated and you just smiled.

Pope and JJ joined the two of you and you looked over at Kie to assure she would act like she knew nothing. You took Kie’s wink as her confirmation for remaining quiet about you and JJ.

“Sorry we’re late.” John B said as he placed down a bag full of more beers, Sarah following him behind.

“Our guardian angel.” JJ pretended to sing as he grabbed another beer.

“We had to get more ice so they could be extra cold.” Sarah added.

“And we thank you for that.” Pope went on and grabbed one as well.

John B sat down next to Kie and saved a spot for Sarah, who was still grabbing a beer from her bag. You watched as she opened up her bottle and then stared at you with wide eyes, making you only raise your eyebrows at her.

“I cannot believe you agreed to do it.” She said to you as everyone stared in confusion at the two of you, except for John B who just silently took a sip from his beer.

You bit the inside of your cheek and asked the heavens why Sarah had to open her mouth at the most inconvenient times.

“Agreed to do what?” Kie frowned.

“Oh good so I’m not the only one confused by this again.” Pope said and everyone just shared looks between each other.

“I just couldn’t believe it when he told me,” Sarah went on, not noticing the look you were throwing of begging her to stop talking.

“What are you talking about?” Kie asked while you remained quiet.

“Who told you what?” JJ said and you took a deep breath.

“Rafe,” Sarah answered JJ and then looked back at you, “that you agreed on going as a couple to the party.”

Sarah hadn’t even finished her sentence when everyone’s eyes were already on you and you just had your jaw glued to the floor, avoiding eye contact with everyone.

“What?!” Kie asked a bit too loud.

“You gotta be kidding me,” Pope said, “are we talking about Rafe? Rafe Cameron whose biggest wish is probably to see us all dead?”

“That was also my reaction.” John B added.

“Y/N what the hell?” Kie continued.

You ran a hand through your hair and got even more worried when you noticed JJ remain silent, something very unusual from him since he was the first one to snap out whenever things turned an unexpected way.

And that’s how you knew his silence could only mean one thing, and it was that that you had fucked everything up.

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CH.11

A/N: in case you guys don’t know.. I LOVE writing when all the pogues are together, those are my favorite parts to write. but well, thank u so much for reading! I hope you’re still liking the story so far! would love to hear your thoughts and stuff like that! also the taglist is so long already and I have lost track of everyone who wants to be part of it so I’ll be closing it for now, I’m so sorry about that. I’ll probably start a new one in two more chapter to clean it in case some of the people tagged aren’t following the story anymore so I can add people who are. thank u again! x

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that-good-trash · 4 years

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Trust Me?

Bakugou x reader / Shinsou x reader

Warning: Hurt/comfort, Angst, Mentions of cheating, Happy Ending?

Word Count: 6.5k

Summary: You love your boyfriend more than anything but it seems he might not feel the same way anymore. When the same friend that planted the seed of doubt ends up your shoulder to cry on where do you go from there.

Authors note: I’ve been dealing with a lot of stuff and this was kind of my self indulgence fic. Please Enjoy!

P.S: I was thinking about jumping on the kinktober bandwagon but I’m worried I can’t do kink justice. Maybe look out for some quick one shots if I do. I am also having to rewrite the fourth chapter of Burn Away With Me because the original file somehow ended up freaking deleted (note to self and others always back up files or make a copy).

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Saturdays were meant for relaxation, for hanging out with friends without a worry. The weekend was meant to provide a chance to shed your hero uniform and trade it for a cute comfy outfit. Well that’s how weekends should be, that’s what you wish you were able to do. Instead you sat on your couch scrolling through your phone watching your friends have fun without you. Pictures of dancing and drinking continuously pass as your fingers move absentmindedly. A picture of Mina taking shots followed by photos of Kaminari on a tabletop. This always happened, you had been missing out for weeks now. However, this problem went deeper than missing a few weekend hangouts. Your boyfriend, whom you had been with for almost three years, had been canceling plans with you for the last few months. Every time you both had a day off, he always got called in or he had made previous plans. It was starting to get old. Had he always been so flaky? Had you just not noticed before or was this new. Either way you were now fully aware of his behavior and how little attention you received from him. Your screen lit up with messages from friends telling you to ‘get your ass to the club’ immediately. Oh, how you wanted too. You wished you were wearing a skimpy outfit grinding against your besties laughing and enjoying yourself. Instead of getting into your club attire you put your phone onto the coffee table. Your back hits the cushions behind you as you fall backward. A sigh slips out and you’re ready to reevaluate your life. What kind of relationship was this? You felt like you were alone, and it was starting to seep into your conscious letting that little voice grow louder and louder with doubt and self-deprivation. It took every ounce of your being to reject the thoughts, to lull yourself back into a false sense of security. Your phone ringing disrupted your thoughts good or bad.

“Hey, I was just thinking about you! I miss-” You didn’t get to finish your sentence before the deep grouchy voice of Katsuki Bakugou interrupted you.

“I won’t be home tonight. Don’t wait up for me, just eat dinner and go to bed.” He sounded like he had been sounding. He sounded tired with a swirl of irritation and it took a lot to convince yourself that it wasn’t toward you. You had to bite your bottom lip to prevent yourself from screaming at him for doing this again. You loved him, did so much for him, that it hurt for him to just blow you off. What was even worse was he didn’t even tell you why he wasn’t coming home. He just expected you to turn in early without even an explanation. You wanted to cuddle or go out with friends and he wanted you to spend the night alone.

“Suki… Why aren’t you coming home? You said last week that you were going to try to come home early.” A growl of frustration could be heard on the other side causing you to tense up. You knew you were upsetting him but that wasn’t fair. He had no right to be upset with you since you were only asking him a simple question and stating a fact. He had promised you that he would start coming home early to spend time with you. You knew that being a hero was hard, you were one. However, you also knew when someone was just making excuses and that’s what this was becoming.

“Christ woman! I have work to do! I said I would try, and I have tried. Obviously, I couldn’t make it home tonight so just listen for once and don’t wait up.” No chance of rebuttal, he had hung up immediately after snapping. That was it. The last straw. You let the tears you had been suppressing fall freely. Your phone was aggressively tossed to the ground and unfortunately your body followed it. Your knees hit the ground first before your clenched fist dug into the carpet. Your head buried itself into the carpet before a scream escaped. It was one of filled so much pent up emotion. A scream that needed to be freed, to help release you from this torture he was putting you through. You sat back on the balls of your feet, your hands swiping at your eyes rubbing the tears into your skin. You cried more causing your hands to rub harder, your skin stung and burned from the aggressive motion. Your phone chimed bring your attention back to it. Your hand held the device hoping for an apology but instead read the newest text from Mina. It was another invite, but the party had moved from the club to Yaoyorozu’s house. A smirk replaced your previous forlorn look. You stood up from the floor letting all sadness be hidden away by pettiness. If he could ditch you like that, go back on a promise so easily then you could go against him. He wanted you to stay home like a good girl, but you didn’t feel like being that good girl. You had never changed so fast in your life. Your pajamas were traded in for a formfitting outfit, one your kept for special Mina party occasions. You looked at yourself in the mirror with gleaming confidence. You outfit accentuated all your nooks and crannies. You looked smoking hot and with some simple yet stunning makeup you were ready to go. A quick text to Mina and you left the cold lonely apartment

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The party wasn’t over the top and thankfully everyone there was a former classmate. You waved as a few people turned to look at you. Sero had to do a double take to make sure he was witnessing reality and not a ghost. You rolled your eyes as his tape grabbed your wrist before a swift yank had you in his arms. A soft chuckle escaped from your lips that were buried in his chest. He smelled like cedar and felt warm. You let your body relax against his as he let you go but kept his hand on your waist. Kaminari had abandoned his post next to Jiro and rushed over. Before he could try and snatch you away from Sero a new pair of arms circled you. Mina was smiling against you neck as she stuck his tongue out at a now pouting Kaminari.

“I’m so glad you actually decided to make it tonight. We were starting to think you hated us.” You shook your head at the fake hurt in her voice. The boys weren’t helping since they nodded along with Mina. You pulled out his grasp backing away so you could see all three of them. They really had changed in the short span of time since you had seen them. Sero was rocking a cool new undercut while Kaminari seemed a little more built. Mina had also cut her hair, but you knew that since you basically stalked your friends.

“I’m so sorry guys. It’s been crazy, work and home have been a little hectic.” A scoff could be heard behind you. Everyone’s eyes shifted to Uraraka who had her arms crossed. Midoriya stood behind her awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck. Uraraka’s puffed out cheeks mimicked that of a chipmunk. You raised a brow at her strange behavior. “Did I say something to offend you.”

“No but why lie? We all know that the reason we don’t see you anymore is because of Bakugou.” Your eyes widened at her straightforward accusation. You looked at Midoriya waiting for him to comment but he remained silent, probably in fear of getting involved. You narrow your eyes trying to hold some dignity. “Bakugou and I are fine okay. I just haven’t had the time to make it to any hang outs because I spend time with him.”

Now everyone was looking at you. For being the only sober person in the room you were sounding like the drunk one. Everyone knew that Bakugou had been blowing off plans with you. It was inevitably that they found out since most everyone talks, and things get around. A sigh that matched the one back at your apartment came out. You looked defeated as you returned to Sero’s side. He rubbed your side while Mina shooed everyone’s attention off you. “You don’t have to talk about it but we’re here for you.”

“Thanks guys…” You closed your eyes trying to let your emotions settle before returning to the fun party you had yet to enjoy and partake in. When you reopened your eyes, a smile followed. You were going to have fun even if it killed you. Mina squealed when you asked for a drink and before you knew it one turned to three. Uraraka had ditched her sour attitude and replaced it with giggles as the two of you danced together. You broke free from Uraraka as you watched Kirishima walk through the front door. You didn’t even give the boy a chance to take off his coat before you were tackling him. He was shocked to see you at the party just like the others had been.

“What are you doing out so late? Isn’t Bakubro’s bedtime at 8pm.” Kirishima was able to get a laugh out of you along with the other members of the Bakusquad.

“Yeah his bedtime would be 8pm if he ever came home. He’s always working late. I never see him anymore.” As the words left your lips you felt the air grow cold. Tension was evident. You froze as you felt your blood run cold. There was an unspoken understanding, but you knew that Kirishima wasn’t going to remain silent. He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly which was accompanied by a shaky laugh that turned into him clearing his throat.

“I might be wrong but Bakugou hasn’t been working late… I was one of the last people to leave the office. Bakugou left at his usual time…” You wanted to pretend to be ignorant, but this couldn’t be swept under the rug. You couldn’t act like you hadn’t just been told that your boyfriend had been lying to you for months. Oh god your stomach began to churn, and you pushed passed him and through the front door. You ran into someone before turning and throwing up into one of the planters. Sero and Mina ran after you. Kirishima stood in the doorway feeling guilty but also pissed knowing that the person at fault was his best friend. You felt a comforting hand on your back rubbing it gently. You assumed Mina but when you finally turned around your eyes met with lavender ones. A broken smile cracked across your face. He held his arms open and you ran into them without hesitation. Shinsou had always been there for you when you were both attending UA, but time was cruel, and you couldn’t remember the last time you felt secure in his tight embrace. You sobbed and he just let you. Your friends stood by watching with conflicting emotions.

“What the hell did that asshole do now.” Shinsou was never one to speak to you like you were fragile; he was always blunt and honest. He also never approved of your relationship so of course he’d blame your current state on Bakugou. You wanted to tell Shinsou but couldn’t get the words out. Thankfully you had friends who could speak for you. Sero was the one who spoke up. “She found out that Bakugou hasn’t been staying at work late. She is obviously thinking the worst but he’s probably training or visiting his parents.”

“Bakugou? I just saw him at that fancy restaurant that we went to for Midoriya’s birthday. He was there with some busty bimbo. They seemed pretty interested in the conversation they were sharing. She must be a client or some woman after an interview.” Shinso knew exactly what he was doing when he told you about the mystery woman. He hated hurting you, but it was a necessary evil. Shinsou had always had feelings for you even before he understood them. You were always by his side cheering him on and now he was going to do the same for you. Before he could build you back up, he’s having to let you crumble under the lies Bakugou told you. Your eyes shimmered with unshed tears and a storm was brewing. Your fists were clenched, and your friends hesitated to approach you. You swiftly turned around walking passed everyone back inside before grabbing your keys and leaving. You could hear your friends yelling for you, but you never stopped. Shinsou watched your car drive off into the distance. He knew this was going to end terribly but he would be there to catch you. Thankfully since the ground was already starting to give out.

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“Where the hell have you been!” Bakugou almost dropped his keys as you tried to quietly enter your shared apartment. He turned growling at your accusatory tone. He slammed the door before turning to you. In the light that was cast from the hallway you could see his hair was disheveled, his shirt was wrinkled, and you could swear he smelled a little sweeter than usual. The signs all shone brightly in front of you. Bakugou approached you ready to start an argument over your attitude but stopped when he saw your eyes. They were sunken in, bloodshot, and lifeless. He had never seen you like this. His expression softened before he reached up to cup your cheek. His hand never got to touch you before it was smacked away. “What the fuck Y/n!”

“Who is she… Actually, I don’t want to know. I just want to know why.” Bakugou wasn’t expecting your accusation so he couldn’t help but look shocked. Guilt seemed to creep over him before it was covered up with denial and anger. He scoffed and walked past you toward the bedroom. He didn’t make it before you had spun him around yelling this time. “WHY THE HELL DID YOU CHEAT!”

“SHUT THE HELL UP WOMAN! I DIDN’T DO SHIT! Who the fuck filled your head with such idiotic thoughts? Did you go out with those idiots again? Was it raccoon eyes or maybe that shitty Deku. Whoever told you that is a liar and needs a fucking hobby?” Bakugou yanked his arm away before heading into the bathroom to shower, no doubt to hide the evidence of his infidelity. You wanted to keep shouting and accusing him, but you knew it was pointless. If Bakugou thought he was innocent then he was no matter what kind of proof you had, which was none. Giving up was not an option and as much as this was your home you had to leave. Your chest tightened as you packed your bags. The only sound keeping you company was the shower Bakugou was currently occupying. You wrote a note and gently placed it onto your pillow before turning to leave. You felt your heart stop as Bakugou stared at you wide eyed. You felt like a deer in the headlight. He walked toward you, his hand reaching behind you to grab the note. He read it to himself before burning it in his grip. You flinched at the heat the radiated directly to your left. Bakugou growled as he loomed over you. “So, you’re leaving huh. You think you can just write a fucking note and disappear into the night. You aren’t going anywhere.”

A scream escaped as he grabbed you pushing you into the bed. His hands holding your arms above your head. He smirked as his towel fell at his feet. His grip tightened when you resisted. His knee pushing your legs apart. He shifted onto the bed never letting go of you and never moving his knee which was painfully pressed against you. “What the fuck are you doing Bakugou!”

“You think I’m cheating? Then I’ll just give you the attention you seem to be so deprived of to come up with such bullshit accusations.” You didn’t want this. You didn’t want his hand aggressively holding you down, you didn’t want his knee pushing against your crotch, you didn’t want his teeth biting into your neck like some kind of feral animal. You needed to get away. Your head smashed into his face allowing you the time you needed to get out from underneath him. He cursed while holding his bleeding nose. You grabbed your bags bolting to the front door but before you could open it, he caught you. His arms holding your waist from behind. You let out another scream of fear and agony before the back of your head smashed into his nose, again. A growl slipped out and you finally got the door open. Before you could make your escape Bakugou’s fingers slipped into your hair yanking you back. His lips touched your ear and you could smell the blood flowing freely down his lips. “She felt a million times better than you.”

No words came out instead a choked sob and a whimper as you felt him let you go. You didn’t even hear the door slam you were already out of the apartment complex and in your car. Your hands shook as you called the only person you could think to be awake. “Hey Y/n, what’s wrong?

“Shinsou, I need you.”

---------------------

Bakugou tried to call you a million times after you left but to no avail. You had even blocked his number. He tried to find out where you had gone but no one would share that information with him. He had even gone to your agency but all they could tell him was that you were on a leave of absence. Bakugou truly had fucked up with no sign of reconciliation. It had been a week of trying to find you and failing. Mina, Sero, Kaminari, and Kirishima claimed that they hadn’t heard from you which wasn’t really a lie. They knew that you left Bakugou and that you were crashing at Shinsou’s, but they had yet to visit. Everyone was worried about you, but they didn’t know the truth. They knew you had some kind of falling out but that was it. They had no idea what had actually happened.

“Are you going to lay in bed all day or are you going to actually get up.” Shinsou was teasing you as he slipped on his hoodie that he had to steal back from you. The day that you called him he was ready to break Bakugou’s jaw. He couldn’t believe what you had gone through and he partially felt like he was to blame for telling you about the girl, however you had the right to know that your boyfriend had been cheating on you. Shinsou had tried to make you as comfortable as he could but you were starting to get stir crazy.

“Why am I hiding when he’s the jerk who hurt me!” Shinsou shrugged as you threw his blanket off your body. You rolled out of his bed and stood in front of him pouting. He ruffled your hair while rolling his eyes at your outburst. He had dealt with multiple versions of you over the last few days. Sad, angry, regretful, spiteful, and any emotion in-between.

“Y/n, you don’t have to hide. You are safe with me, but you shouldn’t feel like you aren’t safe out there either. You can go back to your normal life. He won’t hurt you. I promise.” You knew that Shinsou was right and it was time to return to your normal life. Your arms wrap around him before you kiss his cheek thanking him. Before he can respond you run off to shower. He smiles to himself before calling out to you that he’s leaving and will see you later. After you shower you spend some time laying in bed texting Mina that you needed a girl’s day. She was in no way against it and told you she would meet you at her favorite coffee shop downtown. You changed into a cute skirt and one of Shinsou’s shirts that was a little baggy, that you tucked into the skirt. It was a casual and comfy outfit. You grabbed your purse and your phone before leaving the comfort of Shinsou’s apartment.

-----------------------------------

“Y/N!” Mina had trapped you in her hug eliciting a laugh from you. She pulled away and grabbed your face looking you over for any sign or marks that you could have possibly obtained from Bakugou. “You’re okay right?”

“Yes Mina. I’m… I’m not really that okay. I’m still coping with Bakugou using me, cheating on me, just overall destroying me. I’m mad at myself for trusting him for as long as I had.” You leaned your head into Mina’s hand feeling shitty once again. Mina pinched the cheek against her palm causing you to groan in slight pain. She looked sad; she was sad. She cared so much about you and it broke her heart knowing that you were still suffering. She was still missing details of what happened, but she was able to piece some things together after Bakugou drunk called her apologizing for what he had done to you. She was sick to her stomach and wanted nothing more than to call you and apologize herself. “I’m so sorry that I wasn’t there for you.”

“Mina you didn’t do anything wrong. I’m a big girl, I’ll be okay. And I haven’t been dealing with it alone. I’ve been staying at Shinsou’s.” That once sad look was quick to change into one of cat like curiosity. You had said the magic words.

“Shinsou hm.” You shoved Mina as the two of you entered the shop to actually get coffee. “I NEED ALL THE DETAILS.”

-------------------------

“Bakugou you can’t be serious.” Kirishima had been following Bakugou after they ended an all-nighter at work. Bakugou was ignoring Kirishima while heading to his destination. He had gotten a text from Kaminari that you were meeting with Mina. Kaminari hadn’t meant to send that information, he didn’t even remember sending it until Kirishima called him screaming about it. Bakugou already made up his mind, he needed to see you. To tell you how much he fucked up. He needed you back, for you to understand how much he loved you. He regretted everything he had said, he had done. Kirishima had tried to talk some sense into him but he failed. Bakugou thought what he was doing was right and stopping him meant nothing. No one gets in his way.

“Mina wait up you are walking to fast.” Mina had run ahead after seeing something in the widow of a shop that she thought would look amazing on you. You had to stop and let a few cars pass before trying to cross to meet your overly excited friend. The moment your foot moved forward your arm was yanked backward. You gasped before trying to pull it away from whoever grabbed you. As you turned to free yourself you came face to face with something worse than a stranger harassing you. Bakugou’s piercing red eyes were staring into yours, a jolt of fear rushed through you causing hair to stand up and your muscles to tense. People walked by with curiosity since neither of you tried hard to hide your identity. What was ground zero doing with Hero/Name? You didn’t care what random people on the streets were saying or thinking. What mattered right now was getting the hell away him. You yanked harder but his grip just tightened.

“Please, Y/n I need to talk to you.” His voice came out pleading. He was begging you to stay and listen but every fiber in your body told you to run or fight. You let your arm go limp like you were giving in. “Thank you.”

Bakugou smiled but that was literally smacked off his face when you swung your free arm back before delivering a swift punch. Bakugou grunted in pain letting you go so he could touch his hand to his nose. You hadn’t meant to hit him that hard but technically he shouldn’t have touched you, so it was justified. “Y/N!”

“Don’t Bakugou!” Bakugou had reached for you again while Kirishima ran at him trying to prevent this from escalating. Mina had realized what was going on by now and was running toward you. Her and Kirishima were trying to prevent exactly what was about to happen. Bakugou caught you before you could run. His hands held your arms tightly, the fingers digging aggressively into them. You could feel how hot they were, and you were scared that he would use his quirk. You didn’t want to show fear to him. Instead you mustered up a face of pure disgust. “You don’t get to touch me. LET GO OF ME!”

“Will you shut the hell up for a fucking second. I just wanted to talk to you. You disappeared and I had no idea where you went, and I was worried believe it or not. I’ve been kicking my own ass over the shit I said to you.” You stood there letting a man who cheated on you, a man who used you and hurt you, tell you that he was worried that he was regretful. He held you like you owed him this. That was all bullshit. Your shoulders shook as you dropped your head biting back tears that you felt he didn’t deserve. “I love you Y/n.”

The world had been moving just a moment ago and yet now everything seemed to stop. Time stood still but the words echoed. Mina and Kirishima faded out of existence leaving only you and Bakugou. If this was a romance movie it would be followed by you throwing your arms around Bakugou before kissing him. This was real life and you felt no positive emotions. Bakugou’s grip never loosened and his eyes remained staring intensely into your own. He wasn’t going to let you go till you responded. However, no matter how you responded if it wasn’t in favor to what he said then you may as well have remained silent. You felt your heart race from the stress he was forcing onto you. The regret reflected in the crimson orbs almost made you feel guilty. You had loved him. You had given him years of your love and he shattered in along with your trust. You had spend the week crying till your eyes were swollen, screaming until your lungs begged for a break, pleading with some other worldly being to help you get over this pain, and wondering what you could have done to prevent this from ever happening. To say you didn’t love Bakugou would be a lie. You loved him more than some stupid romance. You loved the way he growled in response when he was bothered, you loved the way he never gives up, you loved his honest laugh in which he truly thought something was funny or enjoyable, you loved the way he would kiss you and run his hand through your hair when he thought you were asleep. You loved and still love so much of him but as you look at him those feelings twist like gnarled tree branches and you feel yourself choking back vomit. When you closed your eyes you could picture a woman running her hands along Bakugou’s exposed body, you could hear them panting and moaning, you could hear the secretive whispers, and you could smell the sweet and salty after sex scent they would leave behind. These things were what you dealt with, they hallucinations that haunted you after his cruel revelation. The cheating wasn’t the only thing haunting you. His hands holding you against your will, his teeth biting into you with no consent, and the fingers that entangled into your hair pulling with enough force to bruise. You had experienced fights before, but this was had been different, you were afraid and disgusted with that version of Bakugou. This Bakugou in front of you was the same one just using sad eyes and words of endearment to trap you so he could lock you up properly and punish you for leaving.

“Y/n… please say something.” The world was moving or at least is seemed like you were a part of the rotation once again. People were watching the two of you, but you didn’t notice. You couldn’t break eye contact. Your lips were pressed so tightly together that you were afraid if you tried to open them, they would be glued shut. A dry mouth and cracking lips prompted you to have to unseal your lips as your drying tongue attempted to rehydrate your lips. What could you say that would make any of this better? Was there anything that could even be said anymore. You wanted this to just stop but didn’t know how to make that happen.

“Pro hero Mind Control has everybody on edge with the news of this important somebody he’s been hiding from us.” The moment you heard Shinsou’s hero name the world was back to normal. Your eyes broke from Bakugou’s turning to look directly at the large screen across the street. Shinsou’s figure stood proudly on the screen before it changed to an interview. You watched the woman across from him ask questions. “So, who is this mystery person that you claim means the world to you. Someone so important that you have taken off a week of hero duties to be with them. “

You were the only person on the street watching this interview play. Mina’s voice once again crossed your ears as she yelled at Bakugou to let you go. Kirishima was going to grab his friend but stopped when you gasped. Bakugou had harshly shook you to return your attention to him. His eyes held a little anger and he seemed to have lost patience. “Y/n –“

“This person is someone I love deeply; someone I’d do anything for. I want her to know what love truly is. I love Y/n L/n. Many of you know her as Hero/name…” The rest of the words faded off as you cried. Bakugou had you at the brink of them but hearing this message broadcast to the world had them freely spilling over. A laugh broke beyond your splitting lips. Your fingers dug into Bakugou’s hands yanking them off you. He looked co conflicted, anger and fear blended. You didn’t care about what he was feeling because you finally felt like something was okay. Your hands covered your mouth as you tried so badly not to squeal. You felt the happiness fade as your wrist was trapped in Bakugou’s grip. He wasn’t going to let you go without a proper answer especially now that the world knew what Shinsou thought of you. “Bakugou please let go of me. This… this is crazy. You need to let me go because I… I’m letting you go.”

Bakugou watched you pull your wrist free. He watched you look up at the screen as it played the end of the interview. A smiling Shinsou stood on the screen giving you the confidence you needed. Bakugou wanted to let you leave but he couldn’t. When he looked at your smile, he couldn’t help remembering the times it was for him. You were his everything and now you were slipping from his fingers and into the arms of another man. You turned away from Bakugou smiling at Mina who was also shedding tears. Kirishima finally moved forward and caught his best friend’s arm. Bakugou looked back at Kirishima who mouthed for him to stop. He quickly looked back at you. You were now wrapped safely in Mina’s arms. The two of you sharing a moment that would live with you forever. He let his shoulders drop before turning around. He shoved off Kirishima’s arm before his hands found a home in his jacket pockets. He left you under the screen, now playing an advertisement for some useless product, hugging your best friend while crying over a happiness that you deserved. He walked away, one million regrets coursing through his veins. The one thing he wouldn’t regret was you.

------------------------------------

“Where the hell are the rest of the guests.” You rolled your eyes while Momo held your face still. You could hear Mina bitching in the background about the missing members of your former class. She had made sure that everyone had been invited and was keeping tabs of who had arrived. You could hear Uraraka enter the room with an excited scream. She could see your refection in the large mirror in front of you. Mina grabbed onto the girl so they could be over excited together. You felt so much joy watching them feel this happy for you. Momo had been doing you hair and makeup for what felt like hours and you needed to get into the dress hidden behind the bag hanging on the door. You felt a million things; nervousness, excitement, utterly in love. Not once did you feel regret. You could never regret this. You were about to spend the rest of your life with the person that you loved and truly loved you. It had only been six months since the day you and Bakugou had the confrontation in the middle of a busy street, the same one that broadcast the life changing news.

“Y/n!” You turned after the third time your name was yelled. Mina was pouting holding up the dress. She had a shimmer in her eyes and you almost told her not to cry or she’d ruin her makeup. She’d just tell you to shut up. “Yes Mina.”

“It’s time.” All three girls in the room with you had that glossiness to their eyes as they watched you slip the dress on. It fit perfectly, like it was meant to. You were a different person as you stared at your reflection. This was something you had always dreamed about and here you were living a fantasy, but it wasn’t. It was reality. A knock on the door was followed by the voice of Sero. “Let’s get this show on the road ladies.”

The girls opened the door shoving through the waiting boys who were cackling until they saw you. Kaminari pretended to faint while Sero whistled. Both boys admired you and they honestly thought you looked beyond stunning. You were a single star in an almost pitch-black sky, you just needed to walk down an aisle to find another star so you wouldn’t be so lonely. The music started up and you nodded at your best friends. They smiled back leading the way to your destiny.

“Nervous?” Midoriya had whispered to Shinsou as he stood next to him. He looked over the crowd or friends and former classmates. They all watched with bated breath. You were the star of this event. Of course, Shinsou was nervous. He was marrying the girl of his dreams, the person that gave him purpose. Shinsou watched and when you arrived at the end of the aisle, he felt everything disappear. The guests were gone, his friends gone, the whole world meant nothing. It was black and you were the only light he could see. The way your hair was styled held together by pins and clips hidden underneath a white veil. You were a mystery that he already knew everything about. Like a child who still waited for gifts on Christmas but knew Santa wasn’t real. The way your skin shimmered like rare and brilliant gemstones made Shinsou feel like he wasn’t worthy. Your dress moved so smoothly around and against every curve and bump your body had. Your body made the dress gorgeous, gave it value. He couldn’t see your eyes behind the veil, but he could imagine them. They held stars in them, creating galaxies that he had gotten lost in so many times. Your eyes had depth to them, they told a story and its cliché but its his favorite story. Shinsou hadn’t realized he was crying until your hand gently touched his cheek. Your veil had been flipped over your head revealing your own tears. Shinsou leaned into your touch his own hand moving to cup your face as well. If it hadn’t been for the vows, he would have kissed you right then. You both shared a silent moment of unconditional love before the wedding continued.

The vows could have been skipped because anything you both had to say then you had already said before. No words could ever truly describe how you felt about each other because it was more than just words. Your relationship was based on actions, words, looks, gestures; everything and anything you both did for and around the other mattered as an expression of love. He had tried so hard to make up for everything you had to suffer, and he knew that you might have moments where you questioned him, but he always made sure to have answers or words of reassurance. He never wanted to hurt you and he swore on his life that he wouldn’t.

“I do.” You had spoken the binding words and Shinsou followed. The kiss was simple and yet it held so much meaning. It meant more than the rings. It was something Shinsou would never forget. Everyone cheered and some people cried. Mina was holding onto Uraraka both girls sobbing, Midoriya squeezed Shinsou’s shoulder giving him a thumbs up while his own ducts betrayed him.

-----------------------

“You look so god damn beautiful.” A drunk Kaminari was hanging off you while you chatted away with guests. Mina yanked him off scolding him for his behavior before shooing him away. You laughed not minding at all. While you stood amongst friends who showered you with congratulations and compliments, Shinsou stood leaning against one of the walls near the bar. He had watched you cherishing these moments. He turned when he heard a familiar voice enter his vicinity. He turned in time to see Kirishima and Bakugou walking toward you. He was quick to make his way back to your side in case of any bad blood. Bakugou scoffed when Shinsou appeared but didn’t give him any attention. You smiled at the blonde and red head. Kirishima told you how happy he was for you before leaving the three of you alone.

“Are you happy?”

“Yes.” It was the simplest exchange you had ever had with Bakugou, but it meant a lot to you both. He needed to know that you had finally found the love and happiness you desired and deserved. You needed to know that he was able to let you go without fight. He nodded and hugged you whispering his congratulations. You thanked him before Momo’s voice came over the speakers announcing the first dance starting. Shinsou waved you to the dance floor promising to join you in a moment. He waited for you to leave before looking at Bakugou. Bakugou waited for a threat or some kind of scolding but nothing came. Shinsou remained silent. Bakugou took this opportunity to speak.

“Thank you for taking care of her. I can tell you make her happy and that’s what really matters.” Shinsou still remained silent and Bakugou continued. “I do have a question though. Y/n said I had been cheating and in an angry moment I basically said I was even though I hadn’t done so. Shitty hair told me you told her you had seen me with some woman. I don’t remember going to that restaurant with anyone other than coworkers or interviewers.”

“I lied.” Bakugou stood there frozen with wide eyes. He slowly turned to catch a glimpse of Shinsou’s smirk and a slight darkness behind his eyes. “I lied to Y/n about seeing you with some broad. I knew she would believe me, and I had my doubts about your faithfulness. I should be thanking you for verifying my lie. You made a single lie into an irrefutable truth all because you wanted to hurt her”

Shinsou walked away heading toward you. He never spared Bakugou a second glance as he grabbed your hands kissing them. You giggled before the music began. Bakugou stood with Shinsou’s reveal on his shoulders. In the end he was the one who destroyed your trust but Shinsou admitted to planting the seed of doubt. But all that mattered now was your happiness, right?

#bnha bakugou #katsuki bakugou x reader #bakugou x reader #mha bakugo katsuki #shinsou x reader #hitoshi shinso x reader #bnha shinso hitoshi #bnha #bnha shinsou #mha #mha imagines #shinsou hitoshi #bnha imagines

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jaehyunsbub · 3 years

Text

Los vas a olvider

Pairing : Jaehyun x (reader)

Genre : Fluff, Angst

(A/n) : This is purely fictional and has nothing to do with the mentioned people. A little birthday celebration and valentines gift wink wink ;). Also forgive me I couldn’t proof read it :(.

It was a Saturday night and everyone was more than grateful for the very weekend. Not to mention they had a party that night and everyone was busy getting ready. “Babe what are you wearing?”

“Not sure, I was thinking either that dull green satin shirt or the black one.”

She hummed to herself, thinking about which one would be better for him to wear.

“I think the green one babe, that kind of matches with mine too.”

“Oh yeah, it does,” he said with wide eyes.

“I think its settled then. Alright, I’ll go back to my room, I have to finish getting ready.”

“Wait, Wait.” He said as he came running to her from his bed.

She looked at him, waiting for him to ask for something.

He grinned at her as he placed his hands on the small of her back. She knew the familiar look on his eyes. She held in her laugh. She kept looking at him as his hands kept going down very slowly and stopped right on her ass.

“Why don’t you, um, stay for a while, and we can, you know. Do stuff.” He said nervously but playfully. She put her arms around his neck, and tiptoed on her toes to reach his height.

“Oh my, I’d love to,” she said against his ears, “but no.”

He looked extremely disappointed, but let her go any way.

“I’ll call you when I’m done getting ready. Let’s leave together?”

He nodded, acting pissed but knew it was without malice. “Sure thing, (Y/n).”

She let out a laugh before finally leaving his dorm room. She went to her own and saw Lisa getting ready. “Hi I’m sorry I’m late, I was stuck somewhere.”

Lisa rolled her eyes dramatically, “Hm yeah, stuck between Jaehyun’s legs?”

She looked at her wide eyed, “How do you get it every time? Almost.”

“You’re extra smiley. Now shut the fuck up, and help me wax my back.”

“Sure thing Mona Lisa.” She rolled her eyes again at the nickname.

“You mean Manobon.”

“Yeah same shit.” She shrugged.

After a while they were done waxing, polishing, hair washing, drying, and painting their nails. Very dramatic for a party, but this is what made it fun. It gave the students a night to prepare for, an excuse to doll up. Not like it was not obvious, but everytime they were invited somewhere, it felt like a sin to decline.

“Lisa help me straighten the back pieces please, I’ll curl yours for you.”

She quickly grabbed the straightener from her hand and did it for her.

“What about your anniversary? Won’t you invite us?”

“Well, we were thinking pizza at day for you all. And a dinner date to a fancy restaurant at night for just the two of us.”

“Thats perfect! But no pressure.”

“Ofcourse not, we’re doing ourselves a favour by spending time with you guys. If school wasn’t so hectic we all would practically live together.”

Lisa nodded in agreement.

(Y/n)’s eyes got wide as she remembered something.

“Don’t forget to bring Ten, Lisa. We wouldn’t mind you know.”

Lisa looked down as she spoke. “I know, but we had a fight and right now I can’t pretend that we’re okay.”

She frowned at this, not knowing if to say sorry for bringing him up, or to say sorry because she didn’t know she was going through a hard time.

Lisa noticed her mood change and elbowed her from behind. “Hey, it’s not like we’re over. Fights happen all the time, this is how we grow. I’ll forgive him and he will forgive me, but we still need to acknowledge our mistakes to make sure we keep moving forward. Not turn that frown upside down and put on some makeup because we don’t study all week to be sentimental at the weekends. Nows our chance to shine.”

As they got done getting ready, she went ahead to Jaehyun’s room. As she entered the first thing she could smell was his bitter peach perfume which smelled better when mixed with her strong strawberry mist.

She took in a look of him, a change from his usual nerd look. “I can’t believe you’re my boyfriend.”

He laughed as he took her hand to sit her down on his lap. “And I can’t believe you’re all mine.”

She hit him on his chest, “Stop being cheezy.”

He put his hands up in surrender. “You started it.”

She got up as she fixed her dress and informed him that they should be leaving.

They arrived the party rather quick, it was in a night club booked just for them by the one and only, Lee Taeyong. His brother in law Johnny who was a graduate from the very same school loved to hangout with his former school mates in this club, that he owned by the way, and it was the best way to drink the night away. Free and safe.

Taeyong was very close with Jaehyun and they were almost best friends. Notice how it’s almost? Well, long story short they fought about a girl when they were very young and some scarring may still have been left.

Jaehyun and (Y/n) sat where the drinks were being mixed. As the night got deeper, they were pretty much drunk. She sat and went beside Lisa who dragged her to the dance floor. She denied at first but she thought that this was her only chance to dance the night away. Literally.

While she was dancing her heart out she didn’t realise that Jaehyun was sitting alone and the whole weeks tiredness was now just hitting him.

Lisa turned away from her as she grind on her friend and made both of them laugh. They were feeling the floor, letting the music control their feeling and muscles to the point where they didn’t even need to think of the next moves. Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was the moment. She looked at Lisa who was now facing her, but her eyes were on something behind her. She almost looked at it with absurd eyes. She wanted to know what bothered her so much. So she turns back to see Lee Taeyong. She looks at him and smiles instantly.

“Enjoying?” He asked as he handed her a drink.

She looked at the drink and then at him, a little hesitant.

“Don’t worry, I didn’t spike it haha. And it’s your favourite, blush champagne.”

She took it, realising how rude it looked. A drink in his hand and another now on her waist. He slowly brought her closer, swaying her waist left and right as he did too.

She tried not to think too much of it, after all he was Taeyong. A childhood friend and a close friend to her boyfriend. Alot of people started coming on the dance floor and suddenly it was too stuffy. As she was very, very drunk to the point where her vision was blurry and legs wobbly. All she knew was she no longer was on the dance floor but in a dark room but was very dimly but beautifully lit.

The next thing she knew was a pair of lips on hers. She couldn’t understand anything at the moment but it definitely didn’t feel bad. She also started moving her lips with his. She put her arms around his head and pulled him in closer. He bit on her bottom lip and she let out a small whimper. He responded with a growl of his own. At the moment the both if them were so deep into making out they did not realising the door opening.

“(Y/n)!?”

It was almost like someone had bursted her bubble and brought her back to earth. Even with the heavy but muffled music loudly playing, that voice was unmistakable. The voice she loves with all her heart.

She pushed him off right away and fell to the floor. The alcohol leaving her weak to her knees.

“I can’t believe this-“

She still didn’t know what was going on but she did see him storm out. And right then, she passed out.

She woke up with a headache so bad she almost puked on the bed. She ran to the bathroom to let it all out. She heard footsteps run to her and she ducked her head again to the toilet.

“(Y/n), oh my god, are you okay?” She recognised the voice as Lisa’s and she did not realise the tears dripping down aggressively.

She turned back and looked at her with very upset eyes.

“I think I fucked up Lisa.” She said as she wiped her tears away.

Lisa did not know what she meant. But she still comforted her.

She got out of the shower, feeling alot fresher than before.

“You okay now girl? What the fuck happened?”

“I’ll say it to you all at once so don’t interrupt okay?”

Lisa nodded, eager to know.

When she completed the whole story, which was not complete in the least because she barely remembered anything, Lisa deadpanned her head against her hand. Staying stuck in the same position for a while.

“Well say something now!”

She looked at her shocked. “What the fuck man, how drunk were you.”

She looked down at her hands, fiddling with them. After a few seconds she confessed, “I think I blacked out..”

“(Y/n)-“

“Bu-“

Lisa stopped her from speaking. “No, this is serious. How did you go from grinding on me to lip sex with Taeyong?!”

“I dont know! All I know is that I did it and I think Jaehyun saw me. Trust me, I did not plan to cheat on him on any form! I just.. got carried away.”

Lisa looked at her, feeling bad for her. She truly knew her and she knew never in a million years would she actually willingly cheat on Jaehyun. Or anyone for that matter.

“What do I do..”

“Listen. There is no perfect solution for this situation, but you need to- no. Have to talk to Jaehyun. Okay? Cuz I know you would never actually do this, but here we are. So talk it out. But no matter what outcome, you have me on your side. So don’t worry too much.”

(Y/n) got down from her chair and hugged Lisa tightly. She hugged her back and pat her head.

“Now go, I’ll try to talk to Ten too. I mean, chittaphon.” She rolled her eyes dramatically.

She let out a small laugh. “Good luck Manoban.”

“Same to you (Y/l/n).”

When she arrived at his room, she tried to be strong. She knocked on his door with her eyes closed. Afraid what she might feel when she saw him, not that what she was feeling right then was any better.

The door opened after a few seconds and she still hadn’t looked.

“You can come in.”

She finally looked at him, and her heart broke in a million pieces. His eyes were red and puffy, rose red. And on top of that he sounded like he had a bad cold.

She got in without saying anything, and waited for him to close the door.

He walked past her and sat infront of her. He played with the end of his sleeves and she just stared at her feet.

She looked at him and saw that he was staring at her which she regretted instantly. She looked away and sat down as well.

“Jaehy-“

“Why?”

“Huh?” She wasn’t expecting him to cut her off. Not like she got pissed.

“Why would you that? With him? Before our anniversary? Did you not think about me?”

She bit her lip, promising she wouldn’t break down. “I couldn’t understand what was happening. It felt like a dream, a-and before I realised what was happening, you saw me..”

He huffed out in frustration. His eyes even more red. “So if I hadn’t seen you, you would have kept it a secret?”

She looked up at him, “What- Jaehyun no. Never. I wasn’t going to keep anything from you. I just hadn’t realised that it was actually happening, it felt like a lucid dream, it felt like I was high or something. I don’t even remember properly. I don’t even know how I reached my dorm last night.”

He sighed as he rubbed his temples. “I dropped you off.”

The moment she heard that, she couldn’t hold in her tears. Despite doing a shit thing, he still cared enough to drop her off.

She started sobbing, hiding her face in her hands to hide away from him. As much as he was angry and hurting inside, it still hurt him more to see her like this. He got up and brought her close to him. He put his hand to the back of her head and rest it on his chest.

“I just didn’t expect it. Not from you anyway. Any other girl, just.. not you.”

“I didn’t mean for it t-to happen you know, All I remember is being dragged away to a room and then thats it. The rest feels f-fake.” She said between sobs.

“Wait, he dragged you?”

She looked at him confused.

“(Y/n), did he suggest this first?”

“I mean y-yeah, he gave me a drink and then the next thing you know..” she tried to explain.

Jaehyun groaned in disbelief, “I knew that son of a bitch was trouble.”

He looked at her before speaking again. “I’ll end him. I’ll not leave him.”

“W-wait. I am at fault too. There’s no point in fighting him.”

“Yes but you were dead drunk, from what I know you were blacked out, he can’t do this to an unconscious girl. Someone needs to knock some sense in him.”

“Jaehyun I don’t care about that or anything, I just want to know if you can or will forgive me or not. I did not come here to explain my side of the story or situation, I came here to apologise. Because I know I was wrong blacked out or not. So answer me, do you forgive me or not.”

Jaehyun looked at the bed stand, avoiding her gaze. He looked at the picture of their first date, she was wearing his hoodie because he spilled coke on her dress and he was shirtless. They were in his car, his body literally pink from the cold and her bright teethy laugh. Her best friend Lisa took that picture, capturing a moment they wouldn’t forget.

Despite sparking memories from looking at the picture, he still couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that she still could do this.

“I don’t know, but I think we need a break.”

She nodded, respecting his opinion.

“If thats what you want, then that’s what you’ll get. Again, sorry Jae.” She spoke one last time before leaving his room. She couldn’t look at him or anything at that moment. She shut her eyes close before the tears bursted out.

She went back to her room and plopped herself on her bed so loud Lisa came running in.

“It didn’t end well huh?” Lisa stood as she cried her heart out.

She shook her head not even stopping to explain herself.

When she calmed down a bit, Lisa asked asked her properly.

“He said he wants to take a break, and no break ends well. This I know, I-I just know it. And I don’t how this happened but all I know is that I couldn’t even bid a proper good bye to him because something tells me this was the last chance.”

Lisa understood what she meant but she thought it was still too early in the break to decipher if they were going to fix everything or not.

“I think you should wait. You clearly made an honest mistake, and if he’s not willing to try again that means he’s a dick and he no longer deserves you. If Chittaphon were to something like this, I would not talk to him, distrust him, and hate him, but I know for a fact at the end of the day I would go back to him and talk to him, trust him, and love him. Because it is him. The guy I loved, love and will forever.”

(Y/n) listened carefully, she usually wasn’t the type to share about her relationship issues, but her somehow opening up sure did help, abit.

“Also know for a fact, that if he did the same, you’d be way for reactive, but also way more forgiving. Don’t let him use this to his benefit. I’m not saying he doesn’t love you, but I’m saying the truth. So wait. If not, too bad, you lost your boyfriend. But he’ll lose the best thing that ever happened in his life.”

She nodded. Lisa words were harsh but true. There was a time when Jaehyun got caught doing weed and molly at a music festival. She bailed him out. When Jaehyun didn’t finish his assignments, she completed them for him. When he texted a girl for homework but the girl non-stop flirted with him, she just told him to stop responding. She didn’t even react, but it pained her so much.

So just for once, she wanted to be excused, forgiven.

Lisa and (Y/n) walked through the campus, already tired from the first period.

“How is economics so tiring? What the fuck!”

(Y/n) chuckled beside her, walking to their next class.

While walking, her eye caught on something. Lisa noticed it too and forced her away. As she was being dragged by Lisa, their eyes met. As soon as their eyes met, she moved it away first.

It was Jaehyun, with the same girl who wouldn’t stop flirting with him, when all he asked for was homework.

She scoffed, but she was right. It was the end. Even in those few seconds, she thought about if he did forgive her. If he regretted breaking up, did he regret being with her in general. The pain of being not enough for someone her hitting every part of her body. It pained. His last words to her were unacceptable. ‘Lets take a break’. When did the break end with her and start with another?

All she could hope for was that he could let it go, amd forgive her. If not, then this game of amger and revenge was poisonous. Why not tell her, why be petty. Was it revenge or was it genuine loss of feelings in just two months. She didn’t know, but she scoffed of how much this situation reminded her of the phrase she learnt when reading a foreign book.

‘Lo Vas A Olvider’.

All she could hope for was forgiveness. She wished for him to forget her and start new. She prayed for Jaehyun to let it go. Let it be.

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dddannn · 3 years

Text

Rendezvous

Pairing: SunaXF!Reader

Warnings: Alcohol, other than that none

Genre: Fluff

///ring///**///ring/// you smiled as you saw the caller before answering the call

“Hello?”

“You have plans for tonight?” your smile became bigger upon hearing his voice from the other line

“I’m fine thank you, how about you?” you replied with a mocking tune “of course, how could I forget to meet you up tonight? We always do this right?” you laugh as you could hear him sigh with relief at the other line thinking you forgot your promise.

“So what time and where?” he asked

“You always make me do all the choosing, how about you decide this time?”

“You know I don’t really care where, as long as we could hang out.”

“Oh, I heard Kita’s gonna throw a party tonight?”

“Are you sure you wanna hang out with them? I mean it’s your cousin and stuff but you know”

“Well you decide then?” you waited for him to answer but he just sighed in defeat

“Alright then so I’m gonna pick you up by 9pm?”

“Yes! Just pick me up by that time then. See you!” you said as you hang up.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Checking yourself at the mirror for the nth time, thinking if the clothes and makeup is too much? Well you’re attending a party it’s not like any ordinary hangout like you guys usually do. You 're wearing a black off shoulder long sleeve crop top, a high waist denim short, and boots. Not really much since you don’t want to get unnecessary attention when you arrive there. As you are combing your long hair, you heard a knock from your door. ‘It must be him’ you thought. You quickly opened the door and saw your friend smiling as you opened the door for him to enter.

“You’re quite early today.” you looked at the clock and walk back too your room

“Well, I really have nothing to do now so I just came early.”

“We’ll I’m done preparing, should we go? It’s still 8 o'clock and the party starts at 9:30 though” you replied as you grabbed your stuff and went back to the living room

“How about we grab something to eat first, I’m hungry. And I know a great place” he rubbed his stomach, you smiled at his invitation since it’s the first time he suggested something when you go out.

“Okay let’s go!”

As you seated in his car before you could even lock your seat belt, he removed his leather jacket leaving him with his white shirt and placed it on your lap, you looked at him with a questionably. “It’s gonna be cold” he just said and you nodded in response. Along the ride you played along with some songs that are in his playlist, you were singing along with then the song iffy turned on then you teased him because it’s his favorite song. He just laughed at you. You and Suna have been friends for 2 years now, you’ve been acquainted because of your cousin’s birthday party. Your cousin has no intention of introducing you to any of his friends but it happens that Suna is such a friendly person and asked for everyone’s number at the party. You usually gather with big groups and eat out but eventually from group meetings turn into both of you meeting up every now and then since others are too busy. You didn’t mind it either.

“You know that Atsumu is there right?” you looked at him and nodded

“Of course, you , Shin and him are in the same Team before right? why? Is anything bothering you about Him?” you asked him

“No, it’s just be careful around him. He’s a fuck boy” you looked at him confused

“You’re the one who looks more like a fuck boy” you laugh

“It’s true, he might not look like it and he has a reputation to hold but believe me, he has his ways to get people under his hands.”

“Hahaha, you know that I met, and befriended Atsumu before you right? And why are you even worried about that?” you said, as the car stopped in front of a casual restaurant, you removed the jacket on your lap and handed it to him as you walked out the car. Then he followed you and he put his jacket on your shoulders, you were about to ask him but he cut you off by saying “cold” as you entered the restaurant.

After your meal, you went directly to the location where your cousin’s party was held. When you arrived at the venue, there were already many people there. You walked through the crowd in order to find your cousin as Suna followed you along like a puppy. Then at the area where people were chilling you saw your cousin

“Shin!” you beamed and he looked at your direction. When he saw you he his smile widened and he spread out his arms asking you for a hug, and immediately you jumped at him.

“God, I miss you so much, how have you been?” you asked as you let go of the hug

“I’m doing great as you can see, how’s my princess doing?” and he looked at the back of you finding Suna behind you. “Oh you’re with Suna?” you nodded

“We thought if we could hang out tonight and I remembered your party so we went here instead.” you smiled at him

“Are you two perhaps? Dating?” Upon hearing the question your head instantly turned to Suna and gave him a look, he got what you are trying to say and answered Kita’s question on your behalf.

“No uhh, we are just...uh..friends” he walked closer to you and looked at you, then you smiled at him. Then suddenly you heard someone shouted your name, your eyes instantly switched to the person who called you and gave him a big smile and a hug

“It’s been days since I last saw you” as he kissed your forehead earning a glare from Suna

“I know right? You guys don’t usually come when we hang out.” then he gave you a questioning look “you guys hang out?”

“Yeah, like we used to before yet you guys are started to get busy because because of your Tournaments”

“Oh, those times, I kinda miss those. But we’re kinda free nowadays we could hang out often now” he smiled

“Atsumu, where’s Osamu by the way? I haven’t seen him since I got here.”

“Oh, I guess he’s with the others or something. And it’s Tsumu for you.” you rolled your eyes at his remark.

“I don’t even call Suna ‘Rin’ and he didn't complain”

For the whole night you were with Atsumu and forgot the whole reason you were there is because you promised Suna to hang out. Yet you found him at the bar talking to some girls, so you shrugged off the guilty feeling of breaking your promise, maybe he might get a girl tonight. As time passed by your shots become liters, from talking turns into flirting, and from simple skin brushes turns into touches. You felt uncomfortable at this point, maybe because of the alcohol, or the fact you can’t imagine the cute Atsumu you know is flirting and touching you at some point. Yet you still pretended that it didn’t affect you. As Atsumu pulled you closer to him and grabbed from your waist, you felt someone yanked you gently away from him, when you looked at the guy, it was Suna. You smiled at relief, he saved you.

“I think she needs to go now, right?” he said signaling you to look at the time. As you look at the clock, it’s already 2:48 in the morning. You have nothing going on the next day but sensing that it’s the proper time to go you agreed.

“Oh yeah, I’m sorry Atsumu I gotta go. I still have ummm.. Appointments later.” you excused as you left the poor boy along at the table.

As you got in at his car, he gave you his jacket so you could cover up. And started to drive. The whole ride was silent, he didn’t say a word, nor did you. Then the car stopped at the traffic light as it turned red, you wanted to get rid of the tension between you two, so you decided to speak up first.

“Is there anything that is bothering you Suna?” silence, he didn’t reply he’s just tapping his fingers at the steering wheel while looking at the road.

“You're not usually this silent, during our ride home, is everything alright?” you questioned again and received a sigh from him.

“We’ll other than completely ignoring me for Atsumu all night, and I literally told you he’s a fuckboy yet you didn’t listen, and him flirting with you and touching you everywhere with his filthy hands, and the way his hungry eyes looking at you makes me get on my nerves but other than that everything’s particularly alright” you were just shock at his rant.

“Are you perhaps, jealous?”

He cleared his throat “what do you think? If I could pull out those eyes of his as he stares at you as of you’re some kind of meat” you hummed in response and remained silent the whole ride. You know he’s jealous, he clearly is but he won’t admit it, maybe because he doesn’t have the right to do so? And he didn’t say anything else too, so you decided to keep your mouth shut.

“Where here.” he announced and you nodded then you gave him his jacket, as you walked out. When you walked towards the building you could hear the door closed behind you, you looked back and saw him following you.

“Do you need anything else?” you asked

“I’ll just want to drop you off by the elevator since you drank a lot. Someone might ride with you with weird intentions.” and you nodded in response, and smiled at what he said. As you reached the elevator and you pressed the up button.

“You know what Rin, Atsumu was the first person who I knew from your team right, aside from Shin?” he nodded “and he means nothing to me other than just a brother”

“What are you tryi-”

“you see I’m already seeing someone” he widen his eyes from your announcement “he’s funny, he’s sweet,he’s sexy, he always ask if I have any plans even though he knows we are planning to see each other, and he always makes me decide where to meet cause it’s okay for him we would be anywhere as long as we are together he’s okay with it. I really like him, more than a crush I think” you chuckled and the elevator arrived. Then you entered the doors and looked back at him “I hope he likes me back as much as I like him” then the doors started to close but Suna was quick enough to enter the elevator before it fully closed, making you shocked at his actions. “What are you do-” he cupped your face and smiled at you before he leaned in capture your lips for a kiss

“that’s a confession right?” you smiled and he kissed you again

#suna rintarō #suna x reader #suna x you #suna rinatro #suna fluff #suna rintaro imagine

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lifesabe-ch · 4 years

Text

full scoop - jj m.

summary: after returning to the outer banks for spring break, you’re pleasantly surprised to see JJ again. Apparently, he missed you more than you thought

request: I love ur writing it’s so good :’) if ur taking requests, can u do #4 from the prompt list with jj 💕 “Are you flirting with me?” “You finally noticed?”

pairings: jj maybank x reader

warnings: spilled ice cream

a/n: reposting this bc it got no notes and I absolutely love this so ...tumblr do better

“Hey, sorry to bother you, but I was hoping you could tell me where the beach was?”

As you turned, you extended a hand towards the direction of the pier, “Yeah, it’s just down… JJ?!”

The boy in front of you grinned at your shocked expression, eagerly returning your quick hug. You hadn’t seen him since the summer the two of you had gone your separate ways.

After graduation, JJ had decided to take a gap year. Or a couple. He wasn’t sure. He had always assumed you would do the same, or at least stay local, but your plans had changed. You had applied for a school in the North East without his knowledge earlier in the year, assuming you wouldn’t even get in. But you did, and they offered you a scholarship. Even if you wanted to, your parents wouldn’t let you pass up the opportunity.

The day you had told him had been one of the worst for the both of you. It felt like when JJ had lost John B. to Sarah. Except, with that, he had gotten the chance to know Sarah. He wouldn’t be able to follow you to your school, nor would he get to meet all the people you met.

You had tried keeping in touch after you had left, but it hadn’t lasted for much longer than a few phone calls. You were busy with school, and JJ was busy with the other Pogues. You both knew during that last phone call that things wouldn’t be the same. The two of you felt like instantly, in that moment, you were shifted worlds apart.

It has been just over a year now, with you having just returned from college for spring break.

As the two of you pulled away, you tucked some hair behind your ear, subtly taking him in. He looked the same, but somehow different. Happier.

“Long time no see,” He teased. “How’s that fancy college treating you?”

You laughed as you responded, your words accompanied by a small shrug, “It’s nice. It’s big and I love it but…”

“It’s not the Outer Banks,” he finishes, gauging your expression.

“Exactly.”

The silence that followed was awkward. It wasn’t that the two of you weren’t brainstorming ways to continue your conversation, it was that you both couldn’t seem to decide on how to keep it going.

Clearing his throat lightly, he beat you to it.

“I was heading down to the beach… if, you know, you wanted to join me?”

You weren’t busy. That much was obvious. But you still took the time to think over his offer. You weren’t sure why you hesitated, but you did.

“Okay,” You nod, flashing him a tiny grin, “I’d like that.”

TIME slipped away from the two of you much too fast for your liking. You had spent the day trying to learn how to surf. It was a lot of falling off the board and getting made fun of by JJ, but you had fun. It felt easy between the two of you, the remaining awkwardness fading almost as soon as you had gotten into the water.

He’d even bought ice cream for you both.

You smile as you remembered the encounter from just hours earlier, and the way he had mentioned the hangout you two had first had in the same place.

You were both so awkward around each other. And by both, you meant you. JJ was his charming self.

“No, I swear, I was super nervous when I took you there!”

You shook your head at the boy in front of you, shoving a spoonful of your ice cream into your mouth, “Nu uh! I was nervous. I thought we were on a date the entire time and then you just mentioned that we would be really great friends at the end of it!”

He groaned at the memory, eliciting a laugh from you as you watched his cheeks tint red in embarrassment, “I can’t believe I said that. I had planned to kiss you but then I chicken out and—”

“And friend zoned me.”

“Yep,” He solemnly nodded, an apologetic look on his features, “I’m sorry.”

Waving him off, you shrugged, “JJ, don’t even worry about it, we were kids. It’s water under the bridge now. You were right, anyway.”

“Yeah,” he speaks, before pausing.

“Right about what, exactly?”

“Us being good friends,” You smile at him, gesturing with your hands as the two of you walk along the sand.

“I didn’t think we would at first, if I’m being honest. But we were. You were my best friend.”

“Were?” He nudged you, chuckling.

“Hey, you were the one who stopped calling me!”

“Only because you were always too busy with your new college friends.”

“Not true,” you reprimanded, clicking your tongue.

“I made new friends, but I always liked my old ones more.”

“How was that, anyway? Making friends and… stuff.”

Ignoring the weird infliction of voice when he said stuff, you just shrugged, “It was okay. My roommate was the one who introduced me to people, mostly.”

JJ nodded, smirking at you, “I bet you managed to land all of the boys up there. That’s why you never called, you didn’t have time with all of your new boyfriends.”

You laughed loudly, shoving his free arm with your own, “Don’t even. We both know that out of the two of us, you’re the one who pulls.”

You watched as he stumbled dramatically from your push, flashing you a smile that caused those all too familiar butterflies to flutter in your stomach.

“We both know there’s only one girl for me.”

Ignoring the way his stare burned into you, you glance down at the sand before looking back over at him. A smile instantly erupted on your features at your own idea, as you took off.

“Race ya!” Was all you could manage to call back, laughing as you heard JJ’s groans of protest as he hurried to catch up.

Naturally, you had won. You had made it to the small tree further down the beach seconds before JJ, jumping in excitement for your own victory.

“Hah! I won!”

As you hopped around, you topple over your ice cream, gasping loudly as it spills onto the sand. Just your luck that it would spill not as you were running, but rather right after you stopped.

Still trying to catch his breath, he laughs as he watches you kneel besides the mess, hurriedly scooping whatever you could back up with your spoon.

“Bet you don’t feel like a winner now.”

You frowned as you glanced over at him, still hunched over, clutching his own ice cream protectively.

“JJ… it’s ruined!”

“Just wipe the sand off.”

You stared at him in disbelief, scoffing lightly, “Right, maybe I should just wash it off in the ocean while I’m at it?”

“That’s honestly not a bad idea! It’d wash away the sand.”

He wasn’t joking. In fact, he was the most serious he had been the whole day.

“And the rest of the ice cream! It’s water. Salt water.”

JJ has to ponder your words. He was playing out different ice cream washing scenarios in his head, trying to figure out which would cause the least damage. He didn’t think you were right, but he pretended that you were, for your sake.

Sitting down besides you, he offers up his own, smiling, “Have mine, then.”

“That’s not fair to you.”

He shrugged, smiling sweetly at you, “It’s fine, Y/N. You want it more anyway.”

Taking the cup he was practically forcing into your hand, you pout, “I feel bad.”

“Don’t, it’s fine. And stop pouting, it’s cute but it won’t work.”

Blushing slightly, you roll your eyes, grabbing a spoonful and holding it out for him, “Whatever. But we’re sharing.”

Gladly taking what you were offering, JJ smirked as his lips wrapped around the spoon before pulling away, causing your blush to darken even more.

Dipping it back into the ice cream, you twirled it around before bringing it up to your mouth.

“This is kind of gross. We’re swapping spit right now.”

JJ laughs at your comment, leaning back against the tree bark as he watched you, “Too bad it’s like that. I could think of a better way.”

His response sent you into a stunned silence, your eyes staying focusing on the grains of sand in front of you. If you had to pick between counting out every grain of sand on this beach and feeling as awkward as you currently felt, you’d immediately start counting.

“I… are you flirting with me?”

“You finally noticed?”

You felt like your heart would simultaneously beat out of your chest and stop altogether. Had he really just said that?

“What?”

Moving forward to tuck a strand of your hair behind your ear, it was JJ’s turn to blush, “I’m always trying to flirt with you. You just never respond. I was starting to think you just really didn’t like me.”

“I… I thought you were joking! I didn’t think you could be serious, I’m not your type.”

He rolled his eyes in response, shaking his head, “You’re the only person who’s ever been my type.”

It was quiet for a moment between the two of you, gazes flickering from lips to eyes, back to lips. You both leaned in slowly, careful not to move too fast in fear of making the moment disappear.

When your lips finally touched, the kiss was soft. JJ’s hands found their way to your face, cupping your jaw as he held you close to him. Your hands stayed in your lap, desperately clinging to the small ice cream cup in your hands, your body leaning forward to keep the space between the two of you minimal.

You were the first to pull away, grinning widely at the boy sat across from you,

“That’s really cheesy.”

“You know what else is really cheesy? This dick!”

“JJ, I cannot stress this enough, I find you utterly repulsive.”

With a wide grin, he pulls you the rest of the way to him, resting his forehead against yours, “Fine, then I’m taking my ice cream back.”

Gasping, you pull yourself from him, holding the cup out of his grasp with a glare, “You wouldn’t dare.”

“Try me.”

As you get up, he follows, chasing you around the sand as the two of you laugh. Eventually catching up to you, he wraps his arms around you from behind, lifting you off the ground and knocking the cup over in the process.

“JJ! The ice cream!”

“Next time I’ll buy you two,” was all he muttered, lips already finding their way to your cheek.

#jj maybank #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank x y/n #jj maybank outerbanks #jj outer banks #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank outer banks #jj maybank x reader imagine #jj maybank x you #jj maybank outer banks #outer banks #outer banks imagine #outerbanks #obx

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sweetestlamb · 4 years

Text

Teenage Dream

Genre: Molasses level fluff and teenage hormones.

Summary: What if our babies didn't have such traumatic lives and they went to the same high school? Teenage Gang-Tae falls for Mun-Yeong, the moment he sets eyes on her. He just doesn’t notice that she’s not far behind. The misadventures of a boy blindly in love.

Gang-Tae let his best friend tow him into the their recent hangout spot, Subways, around the corner from their high school. It was always bustling with kids their age after classes were dismissed, most of his classmates came here to relax or the brainiacs would use it as a spot to continue their studying. Gang-Tae alternated between both category depending on the day, he wanted to have a high ranking to impress his mother and older brother, Sang-Tae. But studying all the time was tiring and made him stressed out about all the material he didn't know. He also wanted to impress her. The prettiest girl in their grade and probably all of Korea. Ko Mun-Yeong. He sighed thinking about her, her lustrous chin length hair perfectly curled around her beautiful face, those dark eyes framed by long lashes, her aquiline nose that made her face even more interesting and finally those rosy plush lips. She was the smartest girl in their class, quiet and confident, he read all of her short stories in the school newspaper. His recent favorite was a story she had written about a young boy who learned that bad memories could be helpful for emotional growth. All of your life experiences crafted who you are, if you only remembered the good then you wouldn't have empathy or coping devices when something went askew. She had a unique way of looking at the world and he couldn't stop the crush he had developed on her if he had a choice. She was the whole package,beauty and brains. Unfortunately, this resulted in her immense popularity, which made her unapproachable, there were barely any moments that she was without a crowd of people. Students hanging off her every word, and with the warm timber of her voice he couldn't fault them. Her voice filled all his dreams. Especially the riskier ones. He didn't mean to think of her in such a manner, tried his upmost to respect her, but in the depths of his slumber his imagination created scenarios that made him wake up tangled in moist sheets. Shaking those memories off, he joined the conversation his classmates were having around him, "We need to study for Mr. Kan's science test, if I bring home any more low grades my mom promises she will lock me up in the basement with textbooks." He groaned in agreement, he hadn't done his best on the last exam either and desperately need to do well this time around. They all agreed that this was the best course of action, opening their textbooks to the correct section. The study session went by in a blur, they took a quick break to get sandwiches as brain fuel and then went back to studying. Before, he knew it his head started to feel heavy, he jerked up, taking a big gulp of soda trying to wake himself, it was a short term fix and soon he stopped fighting and laid his head on the table. His classmates voices white noise in the background, he drifted off into a light sleep. Minutes passed by before he was shaken awake by Jae-Su, "Moon Gang-Tae! Are you sleeping? You always slack off when it's time to studying...", he groggily rubbed his sleep laden eyes and then he felt lightning rush through his body. There she was. Alone. Casually sitting, her cute nose in another book, before she checked the time and began to pack up, collecting her trash and without full awareness, he stood with her. "Where are you going? Moon Gang-Tae! We're not done studying!" Jae-Su exasperated voice shouted after him, as he haphazardly snatched all his belongs and raced after her. She hadn't noticed him yet. Peacefully crossing the street, her delicate hands gripping the straps of her book bag, he had ached so many times to offer to carry it for her, to carry her books to class for her and maybe get a smile in appreciation. If there was one thing that made her even prettier, it was her smile. She had the kind of smile that could light up a room. He would do anything if it meant seeing that smile. He stalked closely, it felt invasive following her this way without her consent, the last thing he wanted to do was made her uncomfortable. He raised his fingers through his fringe, hoping his quick nap hadn't completely ruined his hair and with a deep inhalation both for courage and necessity, he called out "Hey....excuse me... um hey." Although he had trailed her for this very purpose he still wasn't mentally prepare to meet her eyes when she turned around. Curiosity and then recognition running through them. A small smile graced her lips as she tilted her head in concession, hands now clasped in the center of her body. Wow. She is even prettier in person, up close. Look at those eyes. They are the prettiest eyes I've ever seen. I could die right now knowing I saw those ey-- "Yes?" Her voice cut through those his traitorous thoughts and he snapped back to reality. She has started to nibble on her lips, question still in her eyes and his mouth felt like a dessert, dry and brittle. He thinks of what he can say that won't scare her away, he doesn't think professing his undying love is right for their first conversation. Maybe their third. Maybe he can ask her what she thought about the school lunch today, what did kids there age even talk about? He feels like an alien in his own body, screaming at himself to say something, anything before she loses her patience and walks away. But all his months of wanting and wishing hadn't prepared him for this moment. In all his dreams, they magically got together and there was none of this overwhelming sea of awkwardness that he was currently drowning in. Say something. Anything!! "I...um I like....you...r um... I like your outfit!" He blurted out, immediately wanting to smack himself in the face, she was wearing the damn school uniform! The same uniform that thousands of other students wore, she was going to think he was a moron and walk away. He had wasted his first impression. Starting to plan his exit, he opened his lips to apologize for wasting her time, he should have just kept watching her from afar, anything was better than this humiliation. But then, she started to giggle, the most melodic soothing giggle, his eyes snapped up from their permanent spot on the ground, to see her covering her mouth with her dainty hands, soft pink nail polish this week. He couldn't believe she wasn't gone. She was here giggling. At something he said. Granted what he said was ridiculously stupid but it didn't matter because she was giggling. He made Ko Mun-Yeong giggle. He wanted to shout it from a rooftop. "Oh this?" She tugged at her uniform collar, "It's one of a kind." With a twinkle in her eye, she knocked him off his metamorphic feet. Laughter burst out from his winded lungs and she laughed with him, shifting comfortably on the heels of her feet. "I know you, I've seen you at school. Moon Gang-Tae? That's your name right?" She knew his name. He tried not to show how much she was knocking his world off balance. He was able to muster up a shaky nod in agreement. "So what did you want to say to me Moon Gang-Tae?" She inquired, checking her watch once again. "I....um....do you have to be somewhere?" He asked in return, hoping he wasn't getting in her way. "My driver, Sang-In was supposed to pick me up but he messaged saying I should just head home on my own." She responded and without a second though his mouth said, "I can walk you. It's dark, I don't ....um what anything to happen to you. I mean if you want me to, I'm using sure you can walk home on your own and..." "Okay." She cut off his rambling, turning to continue her trek as he stood frozen. "Are you coming?" She looked back over her shoulder, and he ran to catch up out of breath and not from his sprint. They walked in silence, his brain racing, disbelief that he was really walking next to her. Maybe he was still asleep in Subways? How could this be reality? He looked over and her, turning his head away when he found her eyes already on his face. Absently, he wondered if he had food on his chin or something, that would be just his luck. Casually, he wiped at his face pretending to have an itch. "Do you always walk girls home? Everyone always says you're so nice but I didn't know to this extent." She teased, making his cheeks redden in shame and pride. He didn't feel very nice right now, he was doing this for his own selfish purposes. After a long pause he broke his silence, "No. This is my first time walking someone home." He answered honestly, knowing that most boys his age had done much more than walk a girl home, but he was as his older brother Sang-Tae described a "hopeless romantic". He knew that other girls at school liked him, or at least found him attractive. He wasn't bad to look at, and he had enjoyed a growth spurt over the summer, making him taller than most boys in his grade and all of the girls. After months of convincing, the basketball coach had convinced him to join their team and that had increased his popularity overnight. But none of those girls were Ko Mun-Yeong. He was polite but never flirty, there was only one girl that had taken a hold of his heart. "Honored to be your first." He blushed at her words, his mind instantly sinking to the gutter. She looked at him as if she knew exactly what he was thinking but thankfully did not comment. Suddenly she stopped, looking up at a high rise building, he quickly realized that they were in the more affluent part of town, with modern buildings and luxury cars. He tried not to be intimidated. He failed, spectacularly. "This is me." She pointed at the sleek building. "Oh. Okay. Get inside safely." He said with a downward shift of his lips, he had hoped that this walk would never end. He hadn't garnered the courage to say anything to her during the rest of the walk. Just quick glances to confirm that she was still there and he hadn't lost his mind. She walked towards large glass doors, before turning back, "Thank you for walking me home, Moon Gang-Tae." She said, beatific smile on her face. He was too stunned to respond and then she was gone. His heart raced as he jogged home, grin on his face, he felt untouchable. Tossing his shoes and book bag at the entrance, he bounded into his house. He heard voices in the kitchen, his mom and Sang-Tae. He rushed to join them for dinner. "What's got you so happy?" His brother instantly questioned him, string bean hanging from his lips. Gang tried to tame his smile, not wanting his too perceptive brother to find out anything. He was always so embarrassing when it came to girls. "Nothing, nothing. I just had a great day." His mom turned around with a smile, "That's great sweetie, how about you go wash up and help your brother set the table?" Knocking Sang-Tae's hand that reached for another string bean. His brother always got hungriest right before they ate dinner. As he washed his hands, with soap and water, his brother swaggered in with a knowing smile on his face. "Okay, who is she?" He dropped the bar of soap at the question, putting all his focus on washing his hands. Giving it his full attention. With a war cry, his brother grabbed him and easily put him in a headlock, he wriggled trying to free himself, splashing water on his brother to counter his attack. "Tell your big brother, there are no secrets in this house!" Sang-Tae shouted ruffling his hair and he groaned at the rough treatment, until his mother's voice called out, "Boys come for dinner, stop playing in the bathroom. You would think I'm raising toddlers..." With one final twist, his brother set him free. "You'll come to me in due time, little brother. " Dinner was delicious as usual, he feigned fatigue to escape early, eager to relive the day. Thoughts of her smile filled his dreams.

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3 Nerves churned in his stomach as he nodded and hmmed to whatever Jae-Su was talking about, he had already berated him for quote, "Abandoning him like a stray animal to fend for himself." And after his fifth apology, he had ultimately tuned him out, he had bigger things to worry about. Like how he was supposed to act now? He didn't know if walking her home had changed anything? Was he allowed to say good morning to her now? Or did she want him to act the same as before, strangers who didn't acknowledge each other. He didn't want to do the wrong thing. And he couldn't ask Jae-Su, who had adamantly declared that they didn't need girls because they led to the decay of friendship. The only person he could think to ask was his brother, but he didn't want to deal with his smug smirk, You'll come to me in due time little brother. There had to be an easy way to know if a girl wanted you to say good morning to her? Maybe he could say good morning to other girls and use their reactions as a gauge for how Mun-Yeong would respond? He was so consumed in his thoughts that he didn't that the object of his thoughts was right in front of him. "Good morning Moon Gang-Tae." Tripping over nothing, he reached out to grab Jae-Su for support. She had said good morning to him. She was standing with her best friend, Seung-Jae, a quirky girl known for her eccentric style, who always had loads of buttons and stickers on her bag. Before, he could locate his tongue and answer she continued cheekily, "Do you like my outfit today too?" She turned around as if on her own personal run way and his cheeks scorched with the embarrassing memory. He groaned placing his head in his hands. Jae-Su and Seung-Jae both looked on in confusion. With a lift of her lip, she clutched her books to her chest, walking off to her class. "What was that about?" Jae-Su chased him down, as he shook his head, too bashful to explain that particular incident. The day dragged, he was itching to see her again. He wondered what she was doing right now? Definitely not thinking about the idiot who had complimented her uniform. He would never live that down. But still he smiled, it was almost as if they had an inside joke. It was safe to say that he didn't learn anything today, all of his brain capacity busy thinking about his next encounter with Mun-Yeong. Jae-Su had left as soon as school ended, leaving him by himself and he stalked the hallways hoping to accidentally run into Mun-Yeong but after the third lap he gave up, sighing in disappointment. Pushing the school doors open, he squinted his eyes as at the influx of bright light. Due to this light he didn't see the figures, a few places ahead of him. He saw her before he heard her. "I don't need you to wait with me. I would prefer to wait alone." Mun-Yeong. And she sounded.....annoyed. He walked closer, instinctively yearning to protect her from whoever was bothering her. A male voice responded, Gang-Tae vaguely recognized it, Daniel Choi, he was one year above them and the school's heart throb. He even had his own fan club, according to the flyers around school they met on Mondays and Fridays. "It's no problem, I could never leave a pretty girl like you alone on the street, who knows what creeps are out there?" He answered, magnanimously, moving further into Mun-Yeong's personal space. Gang-Tae watched her take a step back. The look in her eye reminded him of his neighbor's cat right before he scratched you for daring to pet him. "You mean like creeps who don't take no for an answer and pester girls who aren't interested, creeps like that?" Daniel laughed, humorlessly, reaching out a hand as if to grab her and Gang-Tae moved before he registered the intent, "Don't touch her." "Don't touch me." They uttered at the same time. Her eyes cut to Gang-Tae in surprise and maybe a bit of relief. Daniel yanked his hand out of his grasp, snidely looking at him, "This has nothing to do with you Moon, mind your business." He stood between them, shielding Mun-Yeong's body with his own. "She said she didn't want you to wait with her, how about you respect that and leave her alone?." He didn't know what was coming over him, he had never been in a fight before. Never even argued with anyone, but he knew in this moment he would do anything it took to maintain her safety. Daniel eyed him, annoyance clear on his face, lips snarling before he rolled his eyes and scoffed, "She's not even that hot. Not worth all this trouble." With that dig, he turned away stomping down the sidewalk until they lost sight of him. Gang-Tae took a deep breath to control his anger, before turning back to Mun-Yeong. "Are you okay?" He briefly scanned her body, she looked fine, perfect actually. Finally she spoke, "Yeah I'm fine. He was just very persistent." "I'm sorry." He apologized, wishing he could have been there sooner, whenever she needed him he wanted to be there, it felt natural to protect her almost like his body was made for it. "Why? You didn't do anything." "I'm still sorry." She laughed breathlessly, "You really are nice, huh? Probably why you're so popular with the girls." He knew she was teasing him now, her nosed crinkled in the cutest way when she did, but he ached to ask her if she was part of that group. He would trade in all those girls for a chance with her. He was too much of a coward though so instead he said, "What are you waiting for?" She jostled her books in her hands, trying to find a comfortable position, "My driver again, he said there was traffic but he would be here soon." Wordlessly, he extended his hands, gesturing at the heavy textbooks in her hand. She looks back with a blank stare and he almost retracted his hands, but then she leaned forward, placing them in his hands. The tips of their fingers brush during the exchange and he wonders how long he could reasonably go without washing his hands. His mother would have his head. Like their walk the other night, they lapse into silence. He clutches her textbooks to his chest as if they were the finest jewels. He can faintly smell her intoxicating scent lingering on them. Then he recalled her newest story in the school paper, "Zombie Kid", he had tried showing it to Jae-Su but he had denounced it once the mother gave the child her limbs, calling it cryptic and weird. Gang-Tae thought it was brilliant, raw and thought-provoking. Like all her short stories, they had a message if you were willing to look past the surface. "I liked your story. Zombie Kid." He forced the words out, desperate not to waste a second opportunity with her. " You did? Did you get the message?" He nodded, meeting her eyes, "Love is truly what everyone wants, not just to sate their base desires." She lit up at his answer, excitedly replying "Seung-Jae said I should have probably left out the cannibalism but I thought it served its purpose. Fairy tales should help us wake up from our sugar coated dreams and face reality."

He smiled at her, blown away by her mind. He’d never met anyone like her before. Suddenly, a car pulled up at their feet, tires screeching and a man in a suit jumped out, "My dearest apology, Ms. Ko, I'm sorry to keep you waiting. I hope it wasn't too much of a bother." He proceeded to collect her bag, and open the car door. "Oh, but I see a friend waited with you. " He looked expectedly at Gang-Tae with clinical eyes, "This is Moon Gang-Tae. He's the nicest boy in my grade." She answered for him, he coughed choking on his own spit. Was nice a good thing? Did girls like nice boys? "Is that so? Well thank you for waiting with Ms. Ko. Would you like a ride as well?" The man offered but he shook his head in refusal, it was such a small space to occupy with Mun-Yeong, he wasn't quite ready for that. "Okay, well we need to get going. Thank you again." And Gang-Tae turned to return Mun-Yeong's textbooks, gently placing them back in her arms. "Thank you Gang-Tae, I'll see you tomorrow." She beamed up at him, hopping into the car, her uniform skirt bouncing distractedly with the movement and he watched it drive away. He smiled all the way home. <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3 It was their first game of the new season, coach had been putting them through the ringer, lap after lap, drills until they were sweaty messes on the ground. Gang-Tae wasn't particularly competitive, but he did enjoy the discipline and team building that came with sports. The best team was only as good as their weakest link, coached had drilled that into them, especially the first practices when they were all finding their footing. A fight had broken out because someone had been upset that the ball hadn't been passed to him, claiming that he was the better shooter. Coach Hwai had made them all run 10 extra laps, stating that they suffered as team and won as a team, they would practice until everyone was great shooters. There was literally no "I" in team. They had learned that with sweat and tears. He sat on the bench, stretching, usual nerves in his stomach but also excitement, above all he enjoyed basketball. He searched the stands looking for his brother, he had taken the day off work to watch his first game, his mother hadn't been able to do the same. But she had woken him up with favorite breakfast and a kiss on the cheek for good luck. He spotted Sang-Tae, in the back row, frantically waving at him, proud smile stretched across his face. He hadn't been able to find Mun-Yeong after classes, he had no intention of inviting her to the game, that was too much pressure but he had wanted to let her know that he wouldn't be able to wait with her today. After the first time, it had become a routine, he would wait with her for her driver, Lee Sang-In, and he would happily hold her textbooks. Most times they were silent, sometimes they would talk about their day. He was still extremely shy around her, finding himself tongue twisted at random moments. Still in disbelief that he was allowed to be this close to her. But he loved listening to her, the excitement in her voice infectious when she talked about new ideas for her short stories. How could someone so beautiful also be so smart? It just didn't seem fair. He had given up finally after looking for her for fifteen minutes, coach would have his head if he was late for the game. He sighed, hoping she made it home safely, tensing at the thought of Daniel bothering her again. With a shrill blow of the whistle, the game started with a blur of passes, dribbling and shots. He tried his best to pace himself, taking deep breathes, not wanting to get winded too soon. Suddenly, the ball was in his hands and quickly scanning the court to see if anyone was in a better position than him, seeing that no one was he took the shot. The ball easily slid through the hoop. 2 points. He pumped his fist in the air before turning with exuberant pride, needing to know if his brother saw that and that's when he met the eyes of Mun-Yeong. She was with a group of girls that he had seen at school, but her face was the only one that stood to him. Had she gotten even prettier since yesterday? She cutely waved the pompoms the school provided to everyone in the stands at him, mouthing "Wow." Her lips looked lovely forming around each letter. He didn't feel his team mates pats of congratulations and forgot to look for his brother. It was a struggle after that, he was hyper-aware of her presence and he couldn't focus. He dropped the ball so many times his teammates stopped passing it to him. It was like his first practice, all over again, nerves shooting up and down his skin, his heart beating like a drum, boom, boom, boom. Half time was a blessing. "Okay team, we're looking good but I need to see more passing. Remember this about teamwork so use each other. But don't be afraid to take shots, you shouldn't be looking for anyone specific, everyone here is capable." He sighed in relief when he wasn't singled out, albeit prematurely, "Moon, I don't know where you are but you need to get your head back in the game. Go for a walk and come back ready." "Yes Coach." His first stop was the bathroom, to splash water on his face. He glared at himself in the mirror, pointing at his reflection, "What are you doing? This is not how we get the girl. Get it together. You can do this." Then with one last shake, he left the bathroom only to collide with Mun-Yeong. She stumbled backwards and impulsively he reached out to steady her by her shoulders, when she looked balanced he pulled his hands back, suddenly shy, he was all sweaty and gross. "So I was waiting for you outside and you didn't show up, when I came inside I heard all the noise coming from the gym and I found out you had a game. How come you didn't tell me?" She inquired, eyes glimpsing down his body, so fast he almost missed it, she was probably disgusted by how sweaty he was. "I'm sorry. I tried to find you to tell you I couldn't wait with you. Are you okay? Did anyone bother you?" His fist clenched at the idea. She shook her head side to side, "No you worrywart I was fine on the sidewalk, I was just curious why you didn't tell me about your game. Did you not want me there?" He detected....hurt in her voice but that couldn't be right, right? "I..um.. well." He stuttered over his words scared to tell her how much he wanted her everywhere with him but how distracting she was and how much he liked her. He was saved from saying any of that by his brother bursting out from the doors, "Little brother, why are you hiding out here? The game's going to start again soon, your coach looks like he's going to pop a vei--" Sang-Tae paused noticing Mun-Yeong, looking back and forth between them. "Now who might this be? Little brother you didn't tell me you had a pretty girlf-" He ran over, clasping his hand over his brother's big mouth before he would finish that sentence. "Shut. Up." They started to push each other, his brother licking his hand to free himself, ew, he shoved him in retaliation before his brother grappled him into his signature headlock. He tapped in concession until he was freed, only to see Mun-Yeong's retreating back. "Gosh, you're so annoying." He puffed at Sang-Tae looking longingly at her back, not wanting to leave their conversation like that, he hadn't even gotten a chance to explain himself. Hadn't built up the courage to tell her his true feelings yet, he was working hours to it. Slowly. Molasses dripping in summer slow. "Hey miss, with the short hair? I'm sorry I didn't mean to interrupt." Sang-Tae called out, ignoring his punches, beckoning her back. She stopped. Then turned back towards them, as he shuffled awkwardly, not comfortable conversing with her around other people, much less his brother, who knew what would come out of his mouth? When she reached them, Sang-Tae offered his palm, "I'm Gang-Tae's older brother, Moon Sang-Tae and you are...?" She politely shook his hand with a sweet smile, "I'm Ko Mun-Yeong." "Are you two just friends or..." He mischievously glanced between them, his eyebrow wriggling up and down. "Can you stop? This is why I don't introduce you to anyone." He grumbled, shooting apologetic glances at Mun-Yeong. I'm so sorry my brother is an idiot, please don't stop talking to me. "We're friends, your brother has a knack for showing up right when I need him, some would say it's destiny." Nose crinkle. She was teasing again. Sang-Tae looked at him with mock awe, "Oh helping ladies in distress huh? I'll take credit for that little brother, you clearly learned that from me." Then one of his team mates slammed the gym doors open, calling his name, there was two minutes until the second half started. Half time over and he didn't feel any more prepared to be back on the court. He started to walk away, unsure of what to say to Mun-Yeong, so instead choosing to run, but his brother had other plans in mind. He grabbed his jersey, bodily yanking him back. "Now miss Mun-Yeong, are you superstitious? Little brother here looks like he could use some luck, he seems a bit distracted. Would you be willing to help him out this time?" He watched her head tilt inquisitively before she answered, "Sure, how can I help him?" "Well, of course a good luck kiss." Gang-Tae felt his brain go offline, shut down. There was no way his brother had actually said what he thought he heard. Sang-Tae was not that crazy. He must have heard wrong. "He's just joking", he smacked his brother, hard, in the stomach, "He has a sick sense of humor, I'll just be going, I'll see you both aft--" "Okay, if you think it'll help." She answered resolutely, calmly approaching him, catching his wrist in her small hand. He held in a gasp. His eyes fixated on her lips, the same lips that had starred in his dreams. He’s never kissed anyone before, but thoughts of doing that with her kept him wake at nights, tossing and turning. At one low point, he had even considered kisses his damn pillow to have some sort of practice for the real thing.

He couldn’t breathe, it was like all the air had been sucked from the room and his vision blurred until all he could see were her lips. Moving closer, she lifted herself on the tips of her toes, looking like a real ballerina in her black ballet slippers. Her hands taking a hold of his shaking shoulders for balance, and finally soft as a butterfly’s wing, her lips met his cheek. She pressed a little bit harder and with a mwah, it was over.

Words escaped him.

“I hope that was enough luck.” With that those final words and a wave, she sauntered away.

He let out the breath he had been holding in, touching his warm cheek, before turning to his brother in shock and pure jubilation, and did he already say shock?

“See little brother, I told you all you needed to do was come to me. She seems nice, make sure to keep being a gentle man, impress her.” Sang-Tae clapped him hard on the back, before dragging him back into the court, his legs felt like they jelly.

They lost the game. He really didn’t care.

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Mun-Yeong hadn’t come to school today, it was her birthday and as usual she was missing. He hoped that meant she had plans with her parents, everyone knew about her parents, her father was a renowned architect known for his amazing skyscrapers in the heart of Seoul and her mother was a famed mystery writer, consistently on the bestseller’s list. Clearly, she had inherited her mother’s passion for words, her own short stories were read by everyone in the school.

He was sure that her birthday was a huge spectacle in her house, with a banquet of food and gifts that spilled to the floor, she always came in the day after with a new trinket. Gold earrings, a ruby hair pin that made her hair look glossier than normal, designer boots, obviously all birthday gifts.

That knowledge made him wilt in chagrin as he thought of the measly gift he had gotten for her, when he had mentioned it was her birthday to Sang-Tae he had all but dragged him out the house to purchase a gift for her. “You can’t not get her a gift, haven’t you ever courted a lady before?” He blushed recalling, the answer was clear, he had never courted anyone and Mun-Yeong was not just anyone, she was perfection. It was intimidating to say the least. He also wasn’t completely sure what they were? After the kiss incident, they had continued on as normal.

Greetings in the hallways when they crossed paths, he had started walking her to her class in the morning, happily carrying her books and helping her store them in her homeroom locker. The first time he had felt everyone’s eyes on him in the classroom, as if their presence had paused all conversations in the room. Whispers erupting, “Oh my god are they dating?” “She has never let anyone carry her books before!” “Didn’t she turn down Daniel Choi?”

Mun-Yeong had acted on as if she didn’t hear the gossip surging around her, instead placing a warm hand on his cheek, thanking him for his help. She sent him off with a honeyed smile, “Thank you. I’ll see you later?”

He nodded. Walking away, touching his cheek in wonder, again.

Then it became a routine. He would show up early, waiting for her and carry her books to class, savoring her little touches of gratitude. A warm hand on his cheek, syrupy sweet smiles, eating it all up like he was starved for affection.

But maybe that’s how friends behaved when they were of opposite sexes, he’d never had a female friend besides Nam Ju-Ri but that was different they barely spoke, he would just find her staring at him at odd times. He didn’t think too much about why.

Whenever he thought of Mun-Yeong touching others the way she did with him, the urge to punch something came over him. Preferably whoever else was getting her attention. But he never saw her with other boys. Despite all the attention she received, she seemed ignorant to their interest.

As he caught sight of Seung-Jae he snapped out of his thoughts, he needed to ask her a favor. She was on the phone has he approached her, voice soft but audible, “I’m sorry, do you want me to come over? I can be there in ten minutes..” She trailed off as she turned around to find him standing there. Her eyes lit up as if she had just conjured an extraordinary idea. “You know what, let me call you back. Destiny just showed up.”

His face twisted in confusion at her words, but he didn’t question her, still thinking of the favor he needed to ask.

“Moon Gang-Tae, what a pleasant surprise, do you know that today is a very special day?”

Great, they were already on the right track.

“Yes, I know. I wanted to ask you a favor actually.”

He had gotten closer to Seung-Jae as a result of hanging out with Mun-Yeong, she was nice and fiercely loyal to her friend. He was happy that Mun-Yeong had a friend like that, at times her other “friends” didn’t seem completely genuine.

“A favor? What favor? I have something I want to ask you too.”

She swung her arms, inquisitive look on her round face.

He clumsily reached into his back, pulling out a box that was wrapped with shiny paper and a simple silver bow. It was thin and rectangular in shape.

He handed it to Seung-Jae, “Can you...um if you don’t mind, can you give this to Mun-Yeong? It’s nothing special but I wanted to give her a gift.” He mumbled under his breath.

Seung-Jae slowly took the box, surveying it with spacious eyes, illustrating why Mun-Yeong’s playful nickname for her was Bambi.

“I want to counter your favor with a different favor. Can you bring this to Mun-Yeong yourself?”

He stood silently, perplexed by her question. Why would he do that? He’s never been inside Mun-Yeong’s house, the few times her driver didn’t show up and he walked her home, he had simply done that, walked her home. He would stutter out a quick goodbye and be on his way.

“You really don’t know huh?” She looked at him like he was the stupidest person on earth before sighing and whispering under her breath, “This guy is really something else.”

This was hands down the most confounding discussion he had never had.

“Just take it to her yourself, trust me.” She pushed the box back into his hands, rolling her eyes at him before striding off, “Don’t just stand there. Bring it to her, now.”

That was how he found himself at the sleek building, twisting his fingers, he didn’t even know how to get to Mun-Yeong. With trepidation, he finally entered going to the front desk, he had never been in a place this fancy.

“Good afternoon sir, how may I help you?”

“Um...I..um..well.” He floundered over his words, cursing Seung-Jae for placing him in this predicament. Until he got a savior in the form of a snappy, loud driver.

A strong hand landed on his shoulder and with a jolt, he twisted around, to the calculating eyes of Mun-Yeong’s personal driver, Mr. Lee.

“Moon Gang-Tae was it? What are you doing here?”

He felt minuscule under the intense gaze and it took all of his fortitude, not to look away, it felt like a test he couldn’t afford to fail.

“I am...um I came to bring Mun-Yeong a birthday gift. I know today is her birthday.”

Mr. Lee’s hand tightened on his shoulder, he quietly winced in pain and then the hand was gone. And he was rewarded with a slight curve of the lip, it was too small to call a smile but it was on its way.

“Is that so? Okay.” Mr. Lee then turned to the smiling worker at the front desk, and within second he was given a name tag that he carefully placed on his uniform shirt. Moon Gang-Tae. He was informed to go to the sixtieth floor, only one elevator took you there.

“Don’t hurt her.” Mr. Lee said with iron in his voice, and his steps echoed on the marble floor as he stomped away.

Gang-Tae stood speechless at his words, hurt her. He would never dream of it. He didn’t have the capacity to even think of hurting her. He was counting the seconds until she decided this friendship was no longer worth her precious time, on that day he would know pain like no other. But him hurt her, inconceivable.

He shuffled outside the glamorous door, it looked more expensive than everything in his own home. He knew that Mun-Yeong came from wealth, but to see it so visibly was daunting.

With his heart in his throat, he brought his shivering fist up, curled his fingers and knocked. First softly and when that went unanswered he knocked harder.

He heard movement behind the door and then she appeared. Looking like a fallen angel in all black, she donned a short black dress with long sleeves and a short pleated shirt, gold buttons shined remarkably on her chest. On her creamy long legs were knee-high socks, his brain stopped and then reset at the sight.

“Gang-Tae? What are you doing here?” She pulled him in the lavish space, all smooth marble and hard wood. Everything was neat and organized, it looked like something out of an architectural design magazine.

She looked up at him with dewy eyes and that’s when he noticed the slight red that rimmed them as well. She had been crying and on her birthday, why? That was unacceptable.

Instinctively he reached out with sure hands, brushing against her eyes, “You’ve been crying? Are you okay?” He yearned to draw her into his arms and fight whoever had made her cry on this special day.

Her head descended as she rubbed at her eyes, before looking back with a joker smile, only the corners of her mouth moved, “I’m fine. Just had something in my eye.” The lie settled in the air and he allowed her this moment of dishonesty. Sometimes it was hard for him to put his true feelings into words too. Pushing her wouldn’t yield the desired outcome.

“Anyway, what are you doing here? Did you come to check on me? How did you even get in? I haven’t added you to the guest list yet.”

Yet. She had plans to add him to some exclusive list, he straightened up in satisfaction.

“Happy Birthday Mun-Yeong, I brought you a gift.” He pulled the box from where he had it hidden in his pocket, looking away as he pressed it into her hands.

She gasped, looking between him and the box, unraveling the box and lifting the cover. If he had been looking at her, he would have seen the tears that filled in her eyes, the soft o that formed on her lips, the way her body melted as she saw his present.

Unfortunately he missed all that.

On a plush bedding, laid a gold pen, besotted with small diamonds, on the very top sat a larger diamond that sparkled with the natural light that filtered into the room, as she turned it over, her own named stared back at her in looping letters, Ko Mun-Yeong.

Her silence was unsettling.

“I know it’s not much....but when I saw it I thought of you. You write such beautiful words, I thought it was..fitting that you have a worthy pen.”

Silence continued.

Until there was a whimper and suddenly he had an armful of crying Mun-Yeong. He stood paralyzed as she clutched to him, fingers twisting in his uniform shirt, her tears wet on his chest. Delicately, he brought his arms up to encompass her, trembling fingers on her back and she grounded in closer and that broke his resolve, he wrapped her up tightly, ever so carefully stroking her hair.

His own heart felt shattered as he felt her break apart in his arms.

“It’s okay. Don’t cry. Everything is going to be okay.”

He uttered those words to her, they were lies even to his ears. He was not okay. He needed a minute for his brain to catch up with everything that was occurring. But his drive to protect her overrode his drive to protect himself.

She tearfully started to talk, “Every year, they tell me they’ll be here. That we’ll eat together as a family, I get so excited. Everyone thinks it’s great having rich parents, but I never see them. I spend all my time alone in this huge apartment, the only person I ever eat with is Sang-In. Then the day after gifts show up, pretty empty gifts that mean nothing to me. I just want...”

The sentence is left incomplete, but the rest is clear, want my parents. I just want love. Zombie Kid becomes clearer.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He lets her cry into his shirt, until her whimpers peter off. She doesn’t leave his arms, but he feels her head lifting and he glances down to meet her gaze.

“Gosh, I’m so sorry I cried all over you.”

“I didn’t mind, I’m glad I was here to be your tissue.” He means it with all his heart.

She lets out a wet laugh, “You are the most ridiculous person I’ve ever met.”

You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met. One day he’ll say it out loud.

“I’m relieved my awful gift didn’t make you cry, my brother always says I’m a horrible gift giver.” He reaches back to scratch his neck nervously.

She looks back down at the pen with wonder-filled eyes, “I love it. It’s the best gift I’ve ever received, every time I write I’ll think of you.”

Their eyes meets and its as if there is a gravitational pull, she grabs his shoulders and he finds himself leaning down bridging the gap between them, their lips inching closer and closer together, his heart thumping out of his chest, he’s sure she can hear it. She licks her delectable lips, now millimetres away and then his stomach grumbles loudly. The sound loud enough to smack them out of the moment, he violently blushes, wishing that he would sink into the ground.

Her light giggle permeates the air and as he watches the joy on her face, his shame fades, he would be the butt of every joke if it meant seeing her smile.

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

He hadn’t expected her to agree, actually hadn’t even meant to ask her, but as usual when around her his brain wasn’t able to function properly. That’s how he found himself inviting her for dinner at his house. Her enthusiasm was unanticipated therefore he knew that he couldn’t rescind the invitation after seeing her elation.

Alas, they got on a bus and ventured off to his house, he was too terrified of her driver to accept her offer to have him drive them, and once she had put on heeled boots he knew he wouldn’t let her walk the distance.

Her beauty did not go unnoticed on the bus ride, several times he found himself seething at random men who deemed it appropriate to devour her with their eyes. He didn’t notice her knowing smile as he had placed his body directly behind her, shielding her from their hunger gaze.

It was with a huge sigh of relief that they finally exited the bus and made the quick walk to his humble abode. Their fingers brushing, the temptation to clasp her hand in his was astronomical. But he fought it off, too much of a coward for something so bold and revealing.

His house was nothing compared to her luxurious apartment but still her first words were, “It’s lovely.” And his... fondness grew, if that was even possible.

They both removed their shoes at the door, and his mother’s voice shouted out at the familiar sound, “You’re home a bit late, we were just about to start eating without you.”

He’d thought of calling ahead and asking threatening Sang-Tae to be on his best behavior, he knew they would both make a big deal about this, he’d never brought a girl home before, and never thought his first would be the girl of his dreams but his life was out of control lately. But he’d gotten distracted by the creeps on the bus and defending Mun-Yeong had taken priority.

“Hi mom, actually.... um I have a...guest.”

“Oh, is it Jae-Su? Come on in sweetie, I made more than enough food, he can join us.”

Then he heard Sang-Tae join in, “No, tell him to go eat at his house. He’s always here, doesn’t he have his own family? Little punk.”

He heard his mother’s resounding smack and Sang-Tae’s answering cry of pain and he walked further into his house, Mun-Yeong following closely behind with folded hands in front of her. He’d never seen her nervous before.

All of a sudden, her hand grabbed onto his arm, stalling his progression. He looked at her in question, watching as she nervously fixed her already faultless hair, “How do I look? Do I look okay?”

She couldn’t be serious. He searched her face for the joke but found nothing but earnest honesty. That took his head for a spin, she didn’t know she was perfect. Wow.

“You look pretty.” He found himself saying exactly what was on his mind for once, and was instantly glad about his decision, she rewarded him with the most brilliant smile, he desperately hopelessly wanted to kiss it and see if it tasted as mouthwatering as it looked.

“Listen, it’s not that I don’t like you but you gotta eat at your house.....” Sang-Tae’s voice trailed off as he rounded the corner and his eyes landed on them, then settling on just Mun-Yeong, his eyes widening in shock and then mischief. Gang-Tae mentally groaned.

“Brother you brought your pretty...lady friend! How wonderful! Why didn’t you say so? She is always welcome here, come in, come in. Don’t spend all evening in the doorway.” He watched as his brother took Mun-Yeong by her shoulder, guiding her into the house, excitement bubbling in his voice.

He followed behind them.

Dinner was loud as usual with his family, he was scared that she would feel overwhelmed but after a few wide-eyed stares she joined the ruckus. Answering all of Sang-Tae’s ludicrous questions and politely complimenting his mother’s cooking, causing her to blush and wave it off. With a heavy heart he realized that the most important people in his life were all in this room. He blinked away the happy tears that gathered in his eyes as he slurped his noodles.

“So Mun-Yeong, you look beautiful today.” His mother gestured at her outfit, “Is it a special occasion? Or..” She nodded and quietly stated, “Yes. Today is my birthday.”

Gang-Tae watched more questions wash over his family’s face. Why was she spending it here with them? Why wasn’t she with her family? But with a quick slap of his hand on the table, he got their attention and firmly shook his head, no. They understood.

“Well, thank you for joining us on such a special day. We should sing for you.”

His mother found some candles in a drawer and they stuck it in a cupcake, with only the soft glow from the candle, they sang for her, all ignoring the wetness that swam in her eyes. Happy birthday to you.

He waited with her outside, an old jacket of his wrapped around her slender figure, he’d noticed her shivering and shed the jacket immediately to give to her, ignoring her arguments. Lifting her hand and placing it on his stomach, “It’s okay I run hot.” Her fingers had trembled at bit on his stomach, sudden heat in her eyes as well before she drew her fingers back.

Mr. Lee had sounded surprised that she was not home but had agreed to come collect her.

The wind blew as they waited for him, sitting on the steps at the entrance of his house. She looked so small swimming in his jacket. His eyes darkened with desire seeing her wrapped up in him.

“Usually, I spend my birthday alone, ignoring Sang-In and Seung-Jae because I want to believe my parents are going to show up. It’s always so shitty, but today, it wasn’t shitty at all. That’s thanks to you. You always show up when I need you.”

He tried to decipher the emotion brimming in her eyes, but couldn’t quite place them, he had to be projecting, it was impossible that she was looking at him, the way he looked at her. His brain and his heart warred, screaming opposite messages rendering him lost.

Then in the blink of an eye, he was found.

Easily closing the distance between them, her lips found his, a soft press, skin against skin, time slowed down and all he could hear was their staggered breathing. He felt his body move on auto pilot, his hand reaching out to cradle her head, deepening the kiss, her mouth slide open and his tongue slithered in. Her taste exploded on his taste buds and he was eager for more. Her hands sunk into his thick hair, tugging softly, bursts of pain shot through his scalp and he moaned in pleasure. She crawled into his lap and he held on for dear life, pulling her back when she shifted away, lifting her easily and swallowing her gasp.

They pulled apart with puffy wet lips, the desire in her eyes hitting him like a tidal wave.

“Where did you learn to kiss like that? How many girls are you saving?” She panted out teasingly, but he could hear an edge of truth in her voice, he blushed both at her inquiry and how unbelievably sexy she sounded.

“No one. Just you. It’s always been just you.”

“Good.” And he was pulled into another mind-melting kiss.

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Suspended. For a week. Principal Oh had scolded him until his ears were scarlet, he’d sat squirming as the man berated him for using his fists instead of his words. His mother was not going to be happy with him, his grades were subpar at most, Mun-Yeong had tried tutoring him but they often got..distracted and most session would end with someone’s tongue in the other’s mouth. It was the absolute best.

Jae-Su had also not been happy with him, “You’re my best friend what I am going to do without you for a week? Why did you have to punch him? What’s wrong with you lately?”

He hadn’t meant to really, it was like his body went primal and when he came back he was smashing in Daniel’s pompous face. He’d stayed late for practice, Mun-Yeong seeing him off with a warm kiss and “Have a good practice” and he still wasn’t used to that, the fact that he got to have that. Her kisses and her hugs and her smiles. They were all gifts and somehow he’d been lucky enough to be on the receiving end of those precious things.

That’s when he had heard the voice, “You know she’s just trying to make me jealous right? There’s no way she’d choose you over me, girls like her they enjoy the chase.” The smarmy voice invaded his ears and he walked around him, pushing back his angry and insecurity. He, himself had thought similar ideas before, wondered what a girl like her could see in a guy like him? But she was steadfast, always quick to praise him and tell him what a great boyfriend he was, how happy he made her. Soon, her words soaked into his skin and he started to believe her. He clung to that now.

“Or maybe she likes slumming it, has some weird fantasy about being with someone beneath her. Bet she likes it roug--” And he never got to finish that disgusting sentence because Gang-Tae’s fist interrupted, slamming hard into his mouth, Daniel grabbed his face in shocked pain and suddenly they were wrestling limps on the ground. Coach had been the one to break them up, all of his basketball teammates looking on in awe, in pure disbelief at the participants of the fight.

He sighed at the memory, it wasn’t his proudest moment, he was of the mindset that fighting didn’t solve anything but damn it had felt good to knock the smug smile off that bastard’s face. He could eat shit in the nicest way possible.

However, now with time process, he was definitely second guessing his sporadic decision, how would Mun-Yeong feel about his fighting? She had mentioned on many occasions that she hated men who acted like women were a prize to be fought over, that’s why she loved how calm and rational he was. He groaned.

He was so lost in his thoughts, that he missed the knock at his door. Then he jumped as it turned to pounding. He dropped the towel filled with ice that he was using to ice his knuckles and went to the door, cautiously pulling it open.

Mun-Yeong instantly pushed her way in, speedily removing her shoes, before taking his hand and dragging him into his living room. She shoved him into the couch before plopping next to him.

The stark anger on her pretty face shifted to worry when she saw the various bruises on his face, his lip was busted and he had a cut next to his right eye. it stung a little but he had carefully cleaned it when he got home, employing all the first aid techniques his mother had taught him.

“I heard you got suspended! What happened? Why didn’t you call me right away? Who were you fighting? Are you crazy?” She fired off question after question, voice raising in octave after each other and he placed a finger on her lips to stop the diatribe of words.

“I can’t answer your questions, if you keep asking me new ones.”

She scoffed crossing her arms but quieted down, looking at him expectedly, okay go ahead, explain.

“Well as you heard I got into a fight. I’m not proud of that but he had it coming, I would do it again.” He answered with conviction, her eyebrows lifted in surprise at his eyes.

“What were you fighting about?”

The one question he didn’t want to answer. He loathed the idea of being another neanderthal in her eyes, someone who couldn’t control themselves and lashed out like a child. That wasn’t who he was, but his actions today said otherwise. The last thing he wanted was for her view of him to be altered. Losing her would break him, he knew it.

But he also couldn’t lie. When they had stumbled into this relationship, she’d made him swear that no matter how painful it may be, she always wanted the truth in its entirety. Up until today, that had been an easy request to honor.

So he stayed silent.

She moved closer, gentle fingers brushing over his bruises, pulling back as he winced. “Tell me, why did you fight today?”

With a quiet plead he begged, “Please, I don’t want to.”

With finality she responded, “It was about me then, you fought someone trying to defend me.”

His head snapped up to look at her- how an earth did she know?- expecting to see disappointment and instead he was met with....passion? She took his silence as agreement and her next words knocked him off his feet, “I know I shouldn’t but I find that really.....hot.”

He gaped at her and suddenly, she lunged at him and he was knocked onto his back on the couch, her body smashed against his. “Will it hurt if I kiss you?” She breathlessly asked and he grabbed her neck, pulling her into a heated kiss. Wet tongues twirling and stroking, her breath hitched when he grabbed her waist, dragging her impossibly closer. Wet smacks reverberated in the room and he hissed when he felt her cool fingers creep under his shirt, nails scratching across his abs.

The first time she’d seen him shirtless, she had gasped and then reached out with a bold hand, caressing his skin, “Mmmm all mine.” His cheeks had burned but he hadn’t argued, he was all hers, there was no competition.

But they hadn’t gone beyond kissing yet, she would eagerly reach under his shirt during their make out sessions but he had yet to return the favor, despite her encouragement. He was scared of his own reaction.

She loved bulldozing over his comfort zone though and seeming emboldened today she leaned back, he missed her body on his instantly, suppressing his own sad whimper, he raptly watched her. She plucked his hands from there stationary position on his sides and lifted them, then slowly she brought them closer to herself. Soon the destination became clear.

Her breast.

His hands tense in fear and anticipation, before he felt the soft mounds underneath his hands. Electricity rapidly moved through his fingers. “Touch me.” She whispered with a sultry look from beneath dark lashes and he squeezed.

She easily climbed into his lap, rejoining their lips, forcing his mouth open with her tongue, as she moaned at his hands exploration of her breast, he could feel her hard nipples through the thin material of her uniform shirt. She began to grind on his him, he realized with thunderous clarify that he was hard, all of the blood surging to his burgeoning erection.

Instinctively, he grinded up into her, moving one hand to tug her skirt up and out of the way, groaning at the sudden heat he could feel though her panties. She was panting, bobbing in his lap, as they grinded through their clothes.

Wet mouths met over and over, until they just hovered over each other’s lips, breathing into each other as their bodies met in harsh collisions. She was moving faster now, grinding with intent as he roughly handled her breasts and he felt the moment she reached euphoria, she threw her head back, nails digging into her shoulder as she shuddered in his arms.

He watched her face intently, her pretty red lips, her eyes closed in pleasure and that was all it took to push him over the edge, his orgasm knocked him back, his vision clouded up and he groaned at the warm stickiness in his pants.

“Next time we’ll do that with less clothes.”

He mewled at her words, too spent to become hard again so soon.

After freshening up in the bathroom, she’d dragged him into his bed, snuggling into his arms, he started to pull away knowing that this was a dangerous game they were playing, they couldn’t fall asleep. His mother was accepting but even she would not want two horny teenagers in bed in her house. She soothed him, “Don’t worry, I’m not staying I just want to cuddle a little. I set an alarm, I’ll leave soon. Just hold me.”

He wrapped her up in his arms, as she placed her hand and head on his chest. Fingers rapping on his chest before she fell into a deep slumber. He watched her sleeping face in awe, she was his girlfriend and they had just...did that on the couch.

He felt his own eyes getting heavy with sleep, and soon started to drift off too, for once not having any dreams, because his biggest dream was already a reality.

#its okay to not be okay fic #its okay to not be okay #psycho but it's okay #another 10k fic #I have too many thoughts #Also want to do side stories about the babes in high school #hope it kills many #but in the nicest way #swear still not a serial killer

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brieflygorgeouss · 4 years

Text

things i forgot to tell you (ch. 11: that i love you)

Eliott and Lucille start dating again, some time later. It isn’t Eliott who tells him.

”I thought you knew,” Basile says, his eyebrows raised in something that just looks like a permanent surprise. It’s Tuesday. They’re all huddled close together at the bus stop. It’s been an alright day, and Yann suggested hanging out in the afternoon, as if sensing the tiny upturn of Lucas’s mood, so they shuffled here after class, and Basile started talking, and now, here they are. ”I mean, I thought— aren’t you guys kinda close, I—ouch, Yann!”

Lucas shifts his eyes from Basile’s face to where he’s rubbing at his shoulder and then onto Yann. There is something tense in his expression. It looks like a wince, etched between his eyebrows and in the lines of his mouth.

”It’s just mostly speculations, though,” Yann says, quick. ”Basile just can’t shut up. It’s not like Eliott talks to us much, anyway. We’re not totally sure they’re together.” He makes a weird pause, then adds, ”You know?”

Lucas knows. Or he thinks he does, at least, because it’s not like he didn’t see it coming. Not like it was difficult to guess. It feels like a punch to the stomach, a little bit, but also a little like a tap to the shoulder, a reminder, someone saying, hey, look. Know your place. Some things are not meant to be yours.

That’s how it was always supposed to be like. Lucas was never to stay. They came up with the rules for a reason, and Lucas was supposed to be a quick, easy distraction, a breath of fresh air for Eliott before he dove back underwater. Just fun. Lucas has told himself that many, many times at this point. For some reason, it doesn’t hurt any less.

But they were going to have some fun today, the four of them, and they will. It’s alright, he thinks, blinks once and then again and takes a breath. If it gets stuck in his throat, nobody has to know.

”It’s fine,” he says. ”I figured something was happening.”

”You did?” Basile says, and then Arthur pushes at his shoulder, making him trip over the sidewalk with a yelp. Yann, ignoring them both in favour of just staring at Lucas with this too-good brand of sincerity in his eyes that Lucas doesn’t deserve, says, ”It doesn’t necessarily have to be dating, like. Maybe they’re just friendly.”

Anyone who knows the history of Eliott’s and Lucille’s breaking up and getting together again would realise that they’re probably not just friendly. They all know that equally well.

Lucas says, flat, ”Right.”

”And anyway, why are you guys so weird, you and Eliott,” Basile speaks, then, from behind him. Lucas turns and pretends to look at the passing cars. ”I thought you were cool? Like, friends?”

”We are,” Lucas says, then wonders—well. But what does it matter, really. ”We are.”

He sees them on a date, once.

It’s nothing fancy — on his part, and on theirs, either. He’s on his way to work when he passes a cafe and then an antique shop and then catches his reflection in the big windows of this hipster, overpriced half-restaurant and half-hangout-place thing that opened last month, so he turns his head just out of instinct and, well. There they are. Eliott and pretty Lucille, her posture perfect and her hair nice and her smile wide on her face, sitting by the wall, tucked into a private corner.

He freezes.

They don’t see him, because Eliott isn’t facing the windows and Lucille isn’t looking anywhere but at Eliott at all. Lucas knows that feeling. Although now, with the two of them being the way they are, he’s been starting to forget what it’s like, to be able to look at Eliott freely, to meet his eyes and smile back and to not have to swallow down the awkwardness, or the shame, or the longing. Lucas barely looks Eliott in the face these days, because it’s hard. He keeps all the stolen glances close to his heart, tucked in a safe place, but it’s not a lot, compared to what they used to have.

But. Well.

As it is, though, they don’t see the way Lucas stops in his tracks and blinks and takes an unsteady breath, but he sees them. What he sees is this — two people who like each other, leaning into each other’s spaces, catching each other’s gazes over their plates full of food. Two people having fun. Enjoying each other’s company, feeling at ease. Lucille is tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. The set of Eliott’s shoulders is nothing like it is when he’s around Lucas, all of its stiffness gone. He’s more relaxed than Lucas has seen him in a long time.

And a voice is his mind says, something bluntly real, all sharp edges, metallic like fear, who are we kidding.

They aren’t going to ever be like that again. Eliott can try all he wants, and Lucas, too, but they aren’t. It is a sort of revelation, even when the setting it gets to Lucas in doesn’t really measure up to how significant it feels. Lucas has been trying to play casual, has been doing his best answering texts and has been forcing smiles onto his face and keeping his eyes down and has been trying to make it work. Being around Eliott has been enough. Just something, whatever he can get, whatever it is that Eliott would be willing to give him, Lucas would take, and gladly, too. That hasn’t changed.

But what’s changed, here in front of this ridiculous overpriced restaurant, with his own reflection mixing with the sight of Eliott and Lucille still in front of him, is this — he’s not sure he can take it, anymore. Playing at something that will not end well anyway. Hoping for something every time he sees Eliott, when their eyes meet, and knowing that it’s useless in the end.

Lucas is not that strong. Lucas has never been that strong.

And this is not friendship anyway. He ruined it that night, on every level.

If they were friends — if they could be friends, if there was anything left to save between then, apart from unspoken truths and secrets they will never tell each other — then wouldn’t it all be easier? Wouldn’t they look like that, Lucas thinks to himself, his eyes sliding over the lines of Eliott’s profile, the set of his jaw relaxed, wouldn’t they look like Lucille and Eliott look, right there? Wouldn’t they work, at least in some way, insignificant or meagre but any at all?

But they don’t work. They won’t ever work again, most likely.

The realisation of it makes Lucas’s chest flood with something cold, like glacier water, the mountain of his stubbornness melting. He takes a breath, then another. Inside the restaurant, Lucille is saying something, gesturing with her phone in her hand, and Eliott leans back in his chair and looks at her, half-amused.

Whether they’re really back together is inconsequential, in the end. It hardly matters.

Lucas turns his gaze away from them because he is about to be late for work and has to go. His eyes, he tells himself, only sting because it’s windy outside.

Everything that happens later is an organic process. It all comes gradually. Lucas feels like he’s watching it happen from outside, almost, like he’s not taking part in it but is only a witness to, well. To everything halting to a stop.

In some way, it is satisfying to see he was right, for once. In a different way, though, it breaks his heart. He didn’t think there was anything left to be broken, you see, but, well. Apparently.

It starts out innocently enough. It’s on a Wednesday, and they’re supposed to meet for one of their pitiful catch-up sessions that have transitioned from painfully uncomfortable to simply bleak. Lucas is sitting on the bench outside his building because that’s where Eliott said he would pick Lucas up, and it is peaceful and a little cold and feels almost nice to not be in a hurry for once, when he gets a text.

Sorry, Eliott writes, one of my profs asked me to help them with something. We’ll see each other another time, yeah?

Lucas doesn’t think much of it, at first. He writes back, sure, don’t worry, and moves on with his day. He fills the minutes he was supposed to spend with Eliott with wandering around the campus, telling himself there is nothing to miss about the awkwardness that would have ensued, nothing to miss about how Eliott would keep himself a careful distance away from Lucas and would offer him a half-smile, a quarter of it, a spark. Nothing to miss, but Lucas misses it anyway. That’s just how things are. He collects all the scraps of what they used to have, takes whatever he can get, and it is just the way it is. He is almost used to it by now.

And then, slowly, they stop seeing each other at all.

Neither of them is aware of it in the beginning, or at least Lucas doesn’t think so, because Eliott wouldn’t do that on purpose, not with how warm and considerate he is, kind through and through. But Eliott calls it off once, and then Lucas sends, two weeks and one fifteen-minute long, scarce catch-up session later, i have to cover for a friend at work, sorry, and then, later, Eliott cancels, and then Lucas, then Lucas again, Eliott, and so on. They’re both busy. It’s understandable. They aren’t doing it on purpose, Lucas keeps telling himself, but things just happen this way, and they just go with it.

They were never too busy for each other before. But.

So, it halts to a stop. Somewhere between one lecture and the next, and smiling at customers with his best fake grin and shuffling home at ten in the evening, Lucas realises that yet another thing has changed. He hasn’t seen Eliott in weeks, now. It’s alright.

He misses him like hell. It feels as if someone put his weak, battered heart in a vice, because every time he thinks about Eliott, it just gets worse. But Lucas has had a lot of practice at numbing himself down, pushing things away, pretending things aren’t as bad as they are. He misses Eliott, but he doesn’t think Eliott misses him back much. So, it’s fine. It’s just him. Him in love, him tired, him learning his lesson, finally, because he refused to learn it when he should have, so it has caught up to him now. Eliott doesn’t miss him, Lucas tells himself, because Eliott doesn’t love him. It’s simple, really. He might miss a friend or a presence he was once used to, but he doesn’t miss Lucas precisely.

In a way, the lack of their awkward coffee hangouts is a reminder, one of many. This is what it will be like when Eliott leaves completely. This is what it will be like when everything ends for real, drops down to zero. To negative numbers.

And the hard truth of it, the worst part that Lucas only admits to himself when he’s tossing in bed wide awake at night, is that it is also easier. In some horrible way he did not expect, it really is. Eliott not missing him is one part, but this is another — not seeing each other hurts, but not as much as seeing Eliott every other day and being reminded, over and over, that Eliott saw everything Lucas had to give and turned it down. Lucas has been fighting it, but it still sends pangs of hurt through him at the oddest times, when he least expects it, like a poorly stitched wound. Eliott has made his decision. What is there left to do, really?

Because, see — Lucas has been doing his best to keep Eliott around, in whatever form Eliott would be willing to accept him. A friend, first. Then, a hookup. Then a friend again, but differently, and now, this — barely an acquaintance, barely anyone at all.

They might not work ever again, Eliott and him. Lucas has always been bad at deciding when to stop fighting for someone, but maybe Eliott’s been better at it.

”So, are you, like,” Idriss starts, and then hesitates, makes a weird gesture, ”like—how are you?”

They are at McDonald's. In some way, Lucas thinks, his life is still just a big fucking joke. Nothing fits in the setting they’re in, satire-like. The lights are bright and ugly-yellow, reflecting off of the plastic furniture and grey floor tiles. Something tinny is coming from the speakers, too-happy, like elevator music. There is only a crying five-year-old with his mother here, and, well, the two of them, and then the cashier and no-one else. Neither of them has touched the food they ordered, and Lucas can feel the cashier’s stare on his back. It makes him shift his shoulders, hunch in on himself, and there is a thought in his mind that he must look like Eliott right now, always making himself slightly smaller than he really is, but he pushes the idea of it away before it can turn into something biting, something that would sting.

Idriss had dragged him here under the pretence of, as he said, bro-bonding. Lucas has no idea what that means. But it’s not like he has anything better to do, or anywhere else to be. So he is here.

It’s been like this a lot, lately. Lucas feels like he is floating, navigating blindly through his days. He goes to class, goes to work, goes back home, goes to sleep, rinse and repeat. And it’s not that it’s particularly bad, it’s just. Sad, somehow. Strange, to feel so little and so much at the same time, do so few things every day and yet still feel so tired.

”I’m good,” he says. He doesn’t look at Idriss as he says it, opting instead of focusing on his fries, half-cold by now, scattered all over the tray because he was picking at them without actually eating anything, just to do something with his hands. ”I’m alright. How are you.”

Idriss hums. ”I’m great.” Then he just keeps looking at Lucas like he’s expecting an answer to that.

Lucas tells him, ”Good,” and then nothing else.

If Lucas was feeling any better, or just any different, maybe, it would be awkward. He never thought things could get awkward with Idriss, of all people, not with his cheer and his bad jokes and his big brother attitude, but now he thinks they might. It is what it is, really, sitting opposite each other, pretending and playing at something in silence. Lucas shuffles his fries around on the tray some more, shifts his weight in the stool, his feet barely touching the floor. The plastic creaks. On the peripheries of his vision, he sees Idriss’s eyes flicker to him, then back down.

Idriss wants to ask questions, most likely. Lucas is aware of that because he might have a foolish heart, but his head works fine most of the time. The reason they’re here, one that neither of them is going to say out loud, is to talk about something and get answers out of Lucas, whether it is about his general well-being or his personal life or just Eliott, simply. That’s what Idriss’s expression hints at — that he is wondering what to say, that he has good intentions but is unsure of how to put them into action.

We are your friends, too, Sofiane had told him over the phone back then, in the middle of the supermarket, and it punched Lucas right in the sternum. This expression does the same thing.

Whatever questions Idriss might have, though, Lucas wouldn’t be able to answer them anyway. There are no answers he could give. Whatever he had, he’s given it all away already, to Yann in entirety, to others in fragments, bits and pieces scattered, and to the darkness of his empty room where it would not do any harm and would not escape, only mix with the air, die down. Lucas feels like he could reach into his chest and just find nothing, only a shadow, not even that. And he is tired, anyway, of turning his feeling over and over just to pick at them, of being conscious of them like he would be aware of a splinter, with the dull ache of it, the prickling wound.

”Idriss,” he says, quiet, and Idriss sits up straighter, stops fidgeting with the edge of the table where the wood is cracking. ”I know you probably want to ask about—some things, but. Can you let it go?”

And, see — maybe Lucas’s life really is some one big ugly parallel, twisting around itself. He thinks back, on autopilot, to a different time but the same place, the same fucking McDonald’s, a cashier’s stare at his back, the same tinny music, Idriss sitting opposite, talking. That was at the beginning. Lucas was covering his neck up with his hand and his embarrassment with bad comebacks, and he was asking the same question. Can you let it go?

The flash of the memory makes his throat close up. For one scary second, he feels like crying.

But Idriss says, at length, ”Alright,” like he said back then. His voice is quiet, too. He looks like he is trying not to worry but failing at it. He says, with a hint of hesitation with his voice, like he’s not sure if Lucas won’t get mad at him for saying it, ”Lucas, you’re going to be okay.”

Lucas nods.

Maybe, he wants to say but doesn’t.

They eat their food eventually. Idriss starts telling Lucas about what Imane has been up to, and Lucas listens. It’s okay. It’s nice.

The feeling of being at the verge of tears doesn’t really pass the whole afternoon.

It is Claire, at the end of his Monday shift, who tells him, flipping her hair over her shoulder as they work on rearranging the bestsellers shelf at the front of the store, ”Oh, by the way, your guy was here today.”

Lucas looks up at her from where he’s crouching on the floor. ”Who?”

”Your guy,” she repeats, and then, in the same flippant tone, ”you know.”

At first, Lucas doesn’t know, actually. It is his eighth hour on this shift, and he is hungry and tired and sad because that’s just how things are for him now. For a moment, his thoughts just mix together and refuse to make sense. But then the glint in Claire’s eyes catches up to him, and the way she seems eager to share, the way she’s been throwing glances at him ever since this hell of a shift started, and how she’s been asking him little questions throughout the day like she has been trying to rile him up, like she’s been trying to make him feel better.

Lucas knows who she’s talking about.

”He looked kind of strange, now that I think about it,” Claire tells him. Like this, with Lucas crouching and Claire standing over him, resting her hands on her hips instead of sorting through the novels on the shelf like she’s supposed to, her words seem even more overwhelming. But Lucas expects it already, at least, when she says, ”Eliott, was it? He was all slumped and nervous. I wonder what’s going on, you know. Not that it is my business, but it kind of is my business.”

Lucas braces a hand against the floor. He feels light-headed. For lack of anything better to say, he mutters, ”You’re not making any sense.”

Because she isn’t. She must have mixed something up. Why would Eliott come here, when he knows this is where Lucas will most likely be, that this is where he spends so much time. It doesn’t make sense. They don’t seek each other out, not anymore, not at all, not in places that are branded like this one is, with memories of Lucas pressing Eliott against the countertop to kiss him stupid, of Eliott smiling into it because that was a thing they did back then.

It doesn’t make sense. Lucas doesn’t think about what it would mean if it did.

”You’re not making any sense, mister leave-me-alone-I’m-sad,” she says, sharp like she is, but then something in her features thaws like an ice edge in the sunlight, slowly. She keeps staring Lucas down for a moment. Lucas keeps looking up, watches the downturn of her mouth change from teasing into—something else. ”I know something happened. How long will you keep pretending it didn’t? You’ve been straight up miserable for weeks, Lucas.” She stops like she wants Lucas to answer. When he doesn’t, Claire just says, ”Well?”

”You must have confused him with someone else,” Lucas says. It sounds stupid. It’s also the best thing he’s got right now. ”He wouldn’t—he doesn’t have a reason to come here. So.”

”Lucas, I know what I saw.”

”Okay, but—” he starts, and then his voice breaks just a little bit. A splinter. He cuts himself off.

There is a weird moment, as he’s blinking down, trying to not to start crying right there on the floor in the middle of his workplace, when something strange passes between them. Claire shifts like she’s unsure what to do. She probably wants to help but doesn’t know how, Lucas knows, probably thinks about sinking to the floor next to him to hug him, wrap her arms around him in an awkward gesture, try to comfort. That’s the kind of person she is. But she must think better of it, or maybe the moment just passes too quickly. Claire stays where she is.

Lucas is grateful for it, in a way. He has already done his share of crying into other people’s shoulders about this.

He will be okay. He’s working on it.

Lucas gets to his feet. Claire keeps hovering next to him awkwardly. They both busy themselves with rearranging the books on the shelf for a while, the air between them heavy with unease. For a moment, it is quiet.

”I’m sorry,” Claire says at length. Lucas doesn’t think he’s ever heard her sound so small. ”I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything.”

A part of Lucas agrees. The other one, the one that wants to face it all head-on, say, did he ask about me, did he look tired, do you think he will come back again someday, stays silent.

”Just, don’t—” he starts, then stops. ”Just don’t call him my guy, alright?”

And Claire says, ”yeah,” and, quietly, ”okay,” and that’s that.

On his way home, his phone rings.

In the stillness and quietness of the street, the sound of it seems jarring. Lucas almost trips on the curb. It’s late and dark, and the air feels like it is about to start raining, the traffic lights all blurs of colour. It’s—jarring, the sound of a call Lucas was not expecting against such a quiet scene. The only people who could call him right now, for whatever reason, are Mika and Lisa, maybe, if she was in a mood for it, which she rarely is. As he gets his phone out of his pocket, his mind spins in a lazy circle. I’m on my way, he thinks about telling Mika, without the usual heat, because, well. I’m almost home, don’t worry.

For just a second, his mind also twists with miserable hope that perhaps it is—someone else calling. He was at the bookstore, Lucas’s memory supplies. Wouldn’t that make sense?

But, no, maybe it wouldn’t, actually. He picks up.

”Lucas, ah,” he hears on the other end, and he thinks, oh. ”Am I calling too late? I’m sorry, I know you’re so busy!” And then his mom, with her honey-sweet voice and a quiet puff of breath, like she is amused about something, asks him, ”Do you have a minute, love?”

Lucas does.

Of course Lucas does. He hears his mom’s voice and feels something in his chest slide open as if someone drew back a curtain to let the light in, a little bit. They haven’t talked in weeks. Last time, he’d promised he’d call again soon, and his mom said I’ll be waiting, and then Lucas did not call because of all the things that happened. He feels awful about it for a split second as he sits down at the nearest bus stop even though it is not his yet, tucks himself into a corner. His mom was waiting, and he didn’t call, awful at being a son next to all the other things he’s been failing at lately.

But when he starts, ”Mom, I’m so sorry, I was supposed to—” his mom just cuts him off, clicks her tongue.

”What are you talking about,” she says. She sounds like she’s in a good mood. Like she is doing well. ”Don’t worry about it, it is a two-way street, I could have called earlier, too. How have you been?”

The conversation carries easily. Like this, when things are good and she is feeling well, his mom talks a lot. Lucas sits and listens and basks in it, in the sound of her voice, in the ebb and flow of the sentences. She talks and then asks, and Lucas answers, watches the cars drive by and people walk past. He tells her about his job, a joke a client told him today, so painfully bad, but it makes his mom laugh anyway. About Claire, and then about Mika and how they’ve been bickering less. About school. Yann, when she asks about him specifically. All those things. The standard set.

The unspoken things, though, ring in the spaces between his words. And, see—Lucas hasn’t seen his mom in months. But he talks in circles, and doesn’t tell her about how his dad fucked up again, how he fell for it, how sad and tired and lonely he’s been, how he’s in love when he shouldn’t, and somehow he can still see his mom’s face, so very clearly. The memory of it is too vivid. Her voice, lulling and familiar, matches it.

Lucas doesn’t want to worry her. He doesn’t want to worry anybody, really, because he is hardly worth it and that’s just how it is, how it’s been for a long time. But all the things he’d been carrying buried deep in his chest feel more and more like trying to catch smoke with bare hands, the wisps of it escaping no matter how hard Lucas tries. This, too, he’s been failing at. For a short, bitter moment, he feels acutely foolish.

His mom seems to sense something is off, too. She lets Lucas finish what he has to say, the insignificant things. Then, a breath.

”Lucas,” she starts, an invitation. Then, she tells him, ”you sound very tired.”

It tugs something in his chest loose.

He wants to say, I’m not. He wants to say, like he tells everyone else, I’m okay, it must be something else, I’ve been doing alright, what do you mean. I’m fine. I’ve been doing fine.

But he really is tired, is the truth. He closes his eyes against it, a shield.

”You know you can tell me if something’s on your mind, love,” his mom says into his silence like she knows, somehow, and fuck, maybe she does. She’s always known. When Lucas was six and accidentally broke the vase she liked in the living room, she knew, kissed his forehead, told him, don’t worry, we can pick a new one. When he got his first bad grade, she knew. Whenever he’d fight with Yann — not often, but still — she knew, and she’d say, you can tell me, but you don’t have to. An invitation. An outstretched hand. This is the same.

Lucas says, closing his eyes, ”I fell in love with someone,” which is neither here not there. Then, ”I don’t know how to make it go away.”

It’s not much. It’s about as much as Lucas can manage, at this point. He curls into himself there on the bus stop and watches the streets get emptier and emptier as the night progresses, and stays silent. They both are, for a while, his mom thinking, maybe, or waiting, and him turning all the things in his head this way and that way, like crystals, watching them catch the light of all the words he does not put the thoughts into. Thoughts about his dad, and the phone call, that flicker of hope in the restaurant, the new beginning and second chance that never got to happen. About Eliott. Not about sleeping with him, but about falling and then crashing hard, being in love when he was not supposed to, moving away, losing touch. About their meagre friendship and awkward coffee meet-ups and everything they had together fraying at the edges, coming undone. Lucas is sick of it, this exhaustion, all those feelings he wishes he could stop. He does not talk.

Then, his mom takes a breath. ”I’m sorry it’s tiring you out so much,” she says in the voice she used to tell him bedtime stories in and soothe him after nightmares. She doesn’t ask about any details, just goes with whatever she has. Lucas feels his heart swell. ”That’s not something you’d often wish for when it comes to love. For it to disappear.”

Lucas isn’t that sure, for an unsteady second. If anything, that is something about love he is most familiar with — wishing for it to vanish, the love he has for his dad, for his mom when things are particularly difficult. For Eliott, now, too.

He says, instead, ”I thought being in love wasn’t supposed to be like this. This—scary.”

”Love has many different sides to it.” Lucas imagines the look on his mom’s face as she says it; the tightening around her eyes, not quite a frown. He wonders if he’s right. He’d like to be. ”Love is wonderful and kind, but it can also be everything else. Cruel. Stupid. Scary. You have every right to be afraid.” On the other end of the line, her exhale sounds like static. Lucas keeps sitting tucked into the corner of the bus stop, rests his head against the transparent plastic wall of it and tries not to think about distances and lost chances and mistakes, in more contexts than just one. And then his mom says, ”But, sweetheart, sometimes— sometimes you have to do the scary thing.”

And Lucas. Lucas knows this. He knows. In not so many words, it is what everyone around him has been telling him to do — take what he’s been feeling and sort it out, form it into something else, something smaller and duller and less real so that it doesn’t sting every time anyone as much as gets close. All this love he has to give that he doesn’t know where to put and what to do with. He is sick of it in the worst, most exhausting way, sick and tired.

But there comes a moment, he supposes, always, when you are so tired that you just have to do something about it.

”He doesn’t want to listen to it. The—person I’m in love with.” Lucas says, and it sounds dull, but it is here, out there, so he goes on. ”Whatever the scary thing is, I don’t think it’s something he wants.”

”Okay,” his mom says, ”and how about what you want?”

What Lucas wants. Well.

That’s just the thing, isn’t it. That’s the thing — for a long time, it was all about what everyone around him wanted. Eliott wanted to break things off, so they did. Yann wanted Lucas to tell him what happened, so Lucas did. Sofiane wanted Lucas to explain himself, so Lucas did. He went to parties because that’s what the boys wanted, left his dad alone in his own little corner of the world because that’s what he was supposed to do.

And as to what Lucas wants. It is quite simple, really.

He wants to be okay again. Lucas wants to be okay no matter what anyone thinks, or does, or asks about. He wants to be alright even if Eliott and Lucille are back together. Even if they aren’t. Even if Idriss is worried and Sofiane is annoyed with him, Basile clueless, Yann tense. Even if Eliott doesn’t give a shit about him anymore, even when Lucas’s own father doesn’t, even when they both left like he knew they would and yet still had the nerve to act surprised when it happened.

Lucas wants to wake up in the morning and he wants for his chest to feel light. He wants to take a breath without having to feel like his lungs are punctured.

”I want to know where we stand,” he says into his phone, forehead against the plastic bus stop wall, chilly against his temple. It is late. He should go catch his bus. He doesn’t move. ”I want to know if I can fix it.”

On the other end, his mom hums into the phone. Lucas imagines her smiling.

”Then, well,” she says, ”I suppose there is only one way to find out, hm?”

For a few days, nothing happens. Then, it does.

It starts like this, and then loops in a circle and in the end, like many things, ends up being very simple — Lucas is out late on campus one evening, leaves the library just before it closes, with the sun hanging low in the sky and the streets empty. He takes his usual way out, hardly passes anyone on the sidewalks, and as he goes, he walks past the art building, and. The light is on in one of the rooms, the last one in the first-floor row. The studio.

And, again — Lucas is too tired, by now, to do nothing anymore. The breaking point of his exhaustion has passed. He goes.

At this point, they haven’t seen each other in weeks. It’s not sad anymore, but just a fact — Lucas hasn’t seen Eliott in days and days and days, but he’s been thinking about him anyway. Not on purpose, but the image of Eliott has crept its way up on him nevertheless, like smoke, like sunlight. This is what Lucas thinks about as he gets to the art building, goes in, up the stairs, all the way — that he has to do something, if not for Eliott’s sake, then just for his own. That it is, maybe, high time, if not for reprieve then for closure. Lucas has no plan, no set of rules to follow this time, and when he stops in front of the studio, he realises that his throat is dry and his heart is beating too fast. The door is ajar. Lucas has no idea what he’s doing.

He’s never been here before, really. Lucas is not an artist at all, you see, so he’s left this space alone, figured he can spare this, at least, for Eliott to have on his own, without disturbance, without Lucas barging into yet another area of Eliott’s life that Eliott never invited him into. But he knows where to go. Before, when he used to wait around campus for Eliott to finish classes, when things were still honey-covered with the simplicity of it all, still good, he’d sometimes sit on the patch of grass outside, opposite to the studio’s window, and look into the square of it until Eliott showed, waved at him or flashed him a smile. And Lucas would roll his eyes, but he’d wave back anyway. Once, Eliott sent him a kiss, a blur of motion, and Lucas spent the two minutes between Eliott vanishing from the view in the window and skidding to a stop in front of Lucas outside on fighting the heat rising to his face. But that was back then.

And now he’s here. On the other side of the window, at last, and on the other side of this flimsy thing between them. The paint-splattered floor and off-white walls and the soft, yellowish light of the lamps all feel foreign. He takes a breath that fails to ground him, short on oxygen, and pushes the door open, just a little, just to look.

Eliott is here. Lucas was right, for once. He’s standing in front of the sink in the corner of the room, washing the brushes with methodical movements, splashing droplets of water onto the little mirror hanging askew on the wall. It’s late, the light is too harsh, and half of Eliott’s black t-shirt is covered in small smudges of multicoloured paint, a puzzle pieces of a rainbow, and he is beautiful. Lucas has forgotten. In the doorway, he falters.

And then it happens like this — Eliott lifts his gaze, and their eyes meet in the tiny wall mirror. Something flickers across Eliott’s face. He spins around.

Lucas, still in the doorway, says lamely, ”Um. Hi.”

For a moment, Eliott’s expression is a kaleidoscope. Lucas feels breathless with the sight of it, as if a wave came and took him under and now he’s looking at the sunlight up above him, overhead. He forgot what it was like when it was just Eliott and him and not much else, what it was like to have Eliott’s undivided attention on him, how it felt tremulous and warm and a little overwhelming, the grip of it, shivers down his spine.

Then, Eliott’s face goes carefully blank. He says, ”Hi.” It sounds all kinds of wrong, a faded painting. ”What are you doing here?”

Lucas swallows, steps into the room. The floor creaks a little. And he wasn’t counting on anything but feels off nevertheless, feels nervous, his heartbeat loud. He gives himself a second to tuck it away, the disappointment that he doesn’t have a reason for, the fear, something coiling in his stomach. Then, he dives head-first. Fuck being scared, he thinks even though he is still frightened, a little bit, a lot. Fuck it. He licks his lips.

”Eliott, I think I should apologise.”

Eliott blinks. A beat, then, ”What?”

”I need to apologise to you,” Lucas says. He’s still hovering just shy of the threshold, fighting the urge to say whatever and flee. His hands are sweaty, and he can feel his heart hammering against his ribs, wonders, foolishly and quickly, if it will leave bruises. But Eliott is looking, now, the line of his mouth slack, and this is what Lucas needs to do. Talk, for once.

That’s what he’s doing. Talking to Eliott, at last, finally talking to the one person he should have talked to all along, all this time. When was the last time they talked honestly? Without all the fake smiles and glances at their phone screens, ah, I need to get going, our time is up. Lucas doesn’t remember when he last looked Eliott properly in the face, without feeling like a fool, without feeling lovesick and hopeless and sad. But he’s looking now. He is fixing things.

Eliott seems to realise this, too. Something in his posture goes loose as if a string has been cut, tension seeping away from his shoulders. The line of his jaw is still taut, but that’s something, at least.

”I’m sorry, Eliott,” Lucas tells him, everything heavy on his tongue, but once it’s out there, there’s nothing he can do. Eliott’s gaze on him in a physical thing, weight and purpose. Lucas tries not to fidget under it, but he can’t stop it entirely, shifts his weight from foot to foot and hears the floorboards creak again, wrings his hands together. He looks down, up again. It is fine. ”I’m sorry, I really am. I fucked things up. I know I did, and I tried—to make it all better again, but that didn’t work, either, and now we haven’t seen each other in like a month. And I just—”

”Lucas,” Eliott says. ”You didn’t fuck anything up.”

”I did,” Lucas says because it’s the truth. It’s fine. He knows. He took something that was never meant to be his and tried to spin it into something else completely, made Eliott uncomfortable, sad, upset. Lucas took and took until his hands had to be forced to let to. Whatever he and Eliott had, that was just supposed to be fun. It was Lucas who gathered it to his chest, blew it out of proportion. He knows. ”It was never supposed to be like this. I know it is not what you wanted. And—and things are different now, aren’t they, with all this stuff between us, and all the. All the feelings.” Lucas stammers. He hates that he stammers. Across from him, Eliott seems to wince a little, and. Yeah. ”So. I just. That’s why I’m here.”

Eliott doesn’t say anything for a moment. Lucas watches him swallow, once, again, listens to the rush of blood in his head until it just sounds dull. Then, ”Yeah, I guess—you’re right, I guess. Things are different now.”

They are. The set of Eliott’s shoulders might be loose, now, but everything else about him is careful and stiff, from his voice to his eyes. Things are different. Lucas feels it in every inch of his body, in all the space between where Eliott’s standing frozen in the middle of the studio, still, and he is hovering just shy of the doorway. They never used to deliberately put space between each other. Even before, they were always close. Everything was full of casual touches, at least, punches to the shoulder, leaning into one another, whatever else. And now, it is this. Lucas hates it. He’s hated it for a while now, but it gets to him suddenly, this hot-urgent feeling.

”Can’t it all just go back to the way it was,” he says because that’s the best chance he has. It sounds a little desperate, but Lucas lets it stay this way. He takes a hesitant step into the room; Eliott stays where he is. ”For real this time. How about we just—just forget about all those feelings. We don’t need that, right?”

Because, see — Lucas knows what Eliott wants to hear. Or, most likely, at least — Eliott wants them to clear the air, wants a clean slate and an agreement, better and steadier and more sincere this time, that it will all go back to the way it was. That’s what Lucas is going to give him. He’s messed up enough already.

Lucas is good at apologising. He’s had some experience. With countless ex-boyfriends, people who took one look and immediately could tell that something was wrong with him, or with friends, or with family. He knows what people want to hear, and he knows what follows, and he is good at it, every step of the way until everything works again, at least for a while, a stolen moment in time. He is ready to do what he does best, properly this time, because this time around he will really, genuinely try, and Lucas will take his shitty overbearing feelings, his love and his sadness, and he will hide them somewhere Eliott will never see anything again, no trace, no tinge. He’s done it before. He can do it again. Eliott is worth it, if it means Lucas gets to keep at least a part of him around, truly, authentically.

But Eliott is looking at him strangely, for some reason, not like he’s relieved, but like he is—hurt. Almost.

”Is that what you want?” he says, a little quiet. ”Is that what you’re asking of me?”

All this time, since Lucas started talking, Eliott’s been looking a little unsure but hopeful. Now, the traces of it all are gone.

Lucas feels, suddenly, like he’s missing something. But that’s fine.

”I mean. It would be easier, right?” Because it would. He knows it would. And he is ready to do it, even when Eliott knows about everything now, even when he’s figured it all out. ”Listen. We don’t have to make a big deal out of it, okay? I—If you need some more time to, I don’t know, get used to it, then it’s okay with me but—”

”Get used to it?” Eliott repeats. Something heated sparks in his voice. His mouth is a pale, twisted line. Then he scoffs. ”I don’t think I can, Lucas, honestly. You can’t just—fuck, for real, you can’t just decide how things will work all on your own.”

Lucas blinks. His ribs feel tight, all of a sudden, a cage.

And it’s not—it’s not fair. It’s not fucking fair, for Eliott to say this, not when Lucas came to apologise and to fix things and to work out a solution, and he’s here, despite the truth glaring in his face, despite being in love like a goddamn idiot. He’s offered to try harder. He’s offered to go back, back to a time when things were simpler, less wonderful, better for at least one of them. Lucas will hurt for a very long time, with all his unwanted feelings festering inside his chest like a wound, but he’ll make it work if that means less awkwardness for Eliott, less trouble, a clean slate.

He never thought Eliott was a cruel person, really. But this—

”That’s kind of funny, you know,” he hears himself say. He sounds cold. A suddenly angry part of him thinks, good. ”When that’s exactly what you did.”

Eliott flinches a bit. ”Excuse me?”

And then, Lucas takes a breath and it all just—goes. Downhill, slips out of his grasp.

”That’s what you did,” he says again, and feels his throat tighten around the sentence, pushes through it. ”You decided all on your own when you broke things off, just came and said, hey, Lucas, I don’t think I need you anymore, and that was that. How nice, right? You—” the coldness in his voice cracks like ice on a lake. Lucas feels his hands shaking. ”You called me convenient. You called me a—a convenient fucking hookup. And I get it, maybe that’s what it was for you, but it’s not fucking fair, for you to tell me that you can’t, what, forget about it, even when you—when you know how I feel about you now, and you know—”

”Oh, yeah,” Eliott cuts him off, his voice low and rough, on the verge of something ugly, ”you’ve made yourself very clear on how you feel about this whole thing when you left that morning.”

Lucas takes a breath, but it seems short on oxygen. They’re fighting now, he realises. And Eliott knows. You’ve made yourself clear, he said. Lucas feels sick.

”As if I had any other choice,” he counters, which is stupid and pathetic and makes very little sense, but what does he have left, really, when Eliott knows Lucas loves him, through and through, and they’re still fighting? ”I’m sorry if that’s not convenient for you anymore. Sorry that I got too complicated.”

”The least you could do,” Eliott tells him, his smile askew and unfit on his face, a sharp knife-cut, ”is stay that morning. The least, Lucas.”

”Yeah? And for what?” he says. His face feels all hot. ”For what, to hear what? What I already know?”

Eliott flinches again. It doesn’t feel as satisfying this time around.

If I'd stayed, Lucas wants to tell him but doesn’t, you would have just asked me to leave anyway. You would’ve been nice about it, but I wouldn’t have been able to take it. Not back then. Not like this. And maybe it was a mistake on some level, that they didn’t settle it all back then, only handling it now when it’s gotten uglier and more painful with time, but. Lucas has made it clear already. What other choice did he have?

But he keeps it all to himself, fixes his jaw. It hardly helps.

”You know what, maybe you’re right,” he says instead, ”maybe we can’t go back actually.” His hands are still shaking. His voice is, too. Lucas hates it. ”Maybe we can’t. We tried, and it was a fucking disaster, and you couldn’t even look me in the face half the time. We can go on pretending that we’re fine, but we haven’t talked in weeks at this point. And I just want to.” A breath. ”I want to know where we stand.”

Eliott opens his mouth like he’s getting ready for a retort, but then no words follow.

”I want to know,” Lucas goes on, feeling something in his chest curling into itself, dying down, anger into resignation, ”if we can move past this or if we’ll always be stuck with all those fucking—feelings.” Because that’s the problem, really. The terrifying flood of what Lucas feels, the desert of all that Eliott does not. They know it both. Something in Lucas’s voice goes pleading at the thought, the cold steel of before turning into—this. Something less biting, closer to heart. ”I want my friend back. Please, Eliott, I’m—I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Can’t we be friends again?”

Then he watches as everything in Eliott’s expression goes from irritation and bitterness into quiet sadness. At length, Eliott says, ”we are.”

”Do you really think so?” The reality of it is so ridiculous that Lucas almost smiles. But he doesn’t. He curls his fingers into fists, wills them to stop trembling, lets his shoulders sag. He shakes his head. Eliott is looking at him all the way through it. ”Eliott, I’m not—mad, ok? It’s. Fine, now.” Then, something else surfaces in his mind, another needle to the centre of his chest, a small ache, one of many. ”I—Look, I know you’re back with Lucille. I’m glad you are happy with her. I’m happy your time away from each other worked like it was supposed to.”

Something weird happens on Eliott’s face then. He blinks, then says, suddenly in a completely different tone of voice, ”What are you talking about?”

Lucas has to stop the urge to sigh.

”Come on. I saw you guys on a date once, it’s fine,” he says and doesn’t think back to how that sight made him stop in his tracks back then, how he felt like someone kicked him in the chest. ”You can do whatever you want, I mean, it’s okay, I’m—”

”Lucas, are serious?” Eliott cuts in, then just. Looks at him like Lucas is supposed to give him some kind of an answer. Lucas just looks back. Eliott lifts a hand to his hair, as if in frustration. ”Oh, for fuck’s sake—Lucas, Lucille has a girlfriend. Okay? Jesus Christ.”

And. Lucas blinks.

”What?”

”She has a girlfriend,” Eliott repeats like it’s obvious. Which. It really isn’t. ”She’s dating a girl. She—fell for her a while ago and didn’t know who to talk to about it, and she asked me for advice.” He shrugs, and then something in his face goes uncertain, for a second. He flicks his eyes down, then up to meet Lucas’s gaze again. ”That was. When I told you I was meeting with her, that evening in the bookstore. Do you remember?” And for a second Lucas wants to tell him, despite the heat rising to his face at the sole memory of it, knowing they’re thinking of the same thing in the same moment now, back to the kissing, to when it was alright, yes, I remember, I remember everything with you. But he doesn’t. He just nods, bites down on his lip. ”Well, that’s what we talked about. And after that, it just kind of—I mean, we’re just friends now. Acquaintances.” He shakes his head but doesn’t seem as heated anymore. ”We’re not dating, Lucas, fuck.”

”Oh,” Lucas hears himself say, a small, involuntary sound. Everything slows down for just a moment, not more than a breath, but it’s enough for things to slide into place, somehow. Lucas thinks back to when he run into Lucille on campus, remembers the girl that was with her, the glint in their eyes, Lucille’s kind smile, ease. It makes—sense. It makes sense and also doesn’t. Lucas gets the weirdest urge to sit down somewhere because his blood is still loud in his ears and his head is kind of spinning, and there’s this tightness behind his eyes that does not mean anything good. But he stays still. ”I didn’t know that.”

Eliott takes a breath, his shoulders rising, a wave.

”Yeah,” he says. For a second, they just look at each other. When Eliott speaks again, his voice is just embers this time, no danger of fire. Just quiet warmth. ”Did you really think we were back together, this whole time? That things got weird between me and you so I just—went back to her?”

Yes. ”I mean. That’s what it was all supposed to be for, right.” The words feel awful on his tongue, but Lucas just shrugs. ”A rebound.”

Across from him, Eliott shakes his head.

”I’m—Lucas, I’m sorry about what I said,” he tells him. He curls a little into himself, but his jaw is set. His eyes are on Lucas, unwavering. ”That I called you convenient, I didn’t—I just. Said it, but it’s not true. You are not, it was never that, Lucas, it wasn’t. You aren’t.”

He is. But, well. He doesn’t say it.

”I’m sorry I yelled at you,” Lucas says instead. ”You had every right to break things off, whenever you wanted, for whatever reason. It wasn’t fair for me to be angry about it.”

”It’s okay,” Eliott tells him. He crosses the distance between them in a few long strides. It makes Lucas feel slightly better, to have him within reach in theory, at least, if not in practice.

And, hell. Lucas takes a deep breath in, lets it out, feels his shoulders rise and fall with it, feels his heart sink.

He might just as well say it.

”I’m sorry you found out,” he mutters, looking up at Eliott’s face. Things between them can’t get any worse, really. Eliott already knows. And Lucas is so tired of pretending, dancing around it, trying to catch the truth of it even when it slips between his fingers like smoke. ”I never wanted that. I didn’t mean for it to go this way, believe me, I’ll—it all got so complicated. But I’ll really try to get over it, okay?”

Eliott frowns. Lucas keeps going, even if his voice shakes.

”It might take a while, but I’ll really try this time. It’ll happen. I meant it when I said that I want to be friends again, really. I miss you.” He takes another breath. "I miss you a lot. And—this is more important than whatever I let myself hope for. I’ll get over it, Eliott. I’ll try. Alright?”

”Lucas,” Eliott says. ”Wait. What?”

”You don’t have to worry about me making things weird, I—I won’t. I might need a while, but. But we can just be friends again.”

For some reason, Eliott goes very still. ”What are you talking about?”

Lucas fights the urge to bury his face in his hands, or sit down on the floor right where he’s standing and curl into himself. He focuses on the specks of paint on Eliott’s shirt instead. Yellow, orange, red. ”You know.”

”Lucas,” Eliott says, and he sounds—winded, a little. He leans forward as if trying to look Lucas in the face. Lucas swallows, feels something in his chest fill up, drip by drip, a tam giving up. ”Lucas, that morning after the exhibition, why—why did you leave so suddenly? You never told me why.”

”Didn’t you just say that I made myself very clear that day,” Lucas tells him. It is a question but doesn’t really sound like one, small and flat instead. He’s still looking down. Yellow, blue, orange again, pink. ”You know why, Eliott.”

”I’m starting to think that I don’t, actually.” Eliott makes a move as if he wants to reach out and take Lucas by the hand. He doesn’t. ”Lu. Please, tell me. Why?”

”Because—” Lucas starts, then has to stop. He swallows. Blinks hard. ”Because it would've just made things worse, if I'd stayed. I had to go.”

”Make things worse how?”

”Eliott, please.”

Eliott steps even closer. ”How, Lucas?”

”Can’t we just drop it?”

”No,” Eliott says, and Lucas doesn’t expect it to sound like it does. Raw and desperate. ”No, I need to know. I need to know for sure.”

The void in Lucas’s chest fills to the brim, then overflows. He feels it in increments.

It is all very cliche, really, the way it happens — the two of them standing in the middle of an art studio, alone, in the quiet of the building where there’s no-one but them. The darkness outside makes the square of the windows seem like they were painted black. The yellow light of the overhead lights makes everything seem caught in time, frozen still, makes the lines of Eliott’s face stand out sharp and beautiful. His eyes are wide. He’s standing in front of Lucas waiting for an answer and Lucas—feels everything in him give out. The wave takes him under.

”I tried so hard, Eliott,” he says, and, ah, his voice breaks a little, chips like glass under too much pressure. But he takes a breath and goes on. ”I really tried. I made all those rules, I wrote them down, I’ve kept them in my desk, I read them over, time and time again, just to be sure, just to remember, you know,” he manages a smile. It feels shaky, too. Lucas counts, red, blue, green. ”But then. Then, there you were, with your smile and your laughter and your stupid movies and everything else, always here when I asked you to be, always here even when I didn’t know how to ask but needed you anyway. You made me feel like I was—really alive, for once, and happy, and worth it. Like I was sitting in the sunlight, always.”

Lucas lifts a hand this face and it comes away wet. Maybe that’s alright. His whole body feels like he’s floating, his throat tight, his ribs about to crack under everything he’s feeling.

”I tried,” he says again, his eyes trained down, ”so fucking hard not to fall for you. But you’re impossible. You’re impossible not to love. I know—that you didn’t ask for any of this, and I know I’ve ruined things, but it’s just what I do. I’m in love with you. That’s all.”

He takes a deep, shuddering breath. The rush of blood in his head sounds like the sea.

And. He’s said it. Eliott is silent, and Lucas can’t look at him, but he’s said it. No take-backs. No doubts this time, no guessing, it’s out there. Outside, the sky is still dark. Inside, the studio is still the same paint-splattered, off-white quiet room, the lightbulbs humming, the mirror above the sink tilted to one side, just a little. Lucas said it. The world is still spinning, the same.

It’s a thing he used to do as a kid — sitting and listening and waiting, ridiculously, for things to just stop, for whatever reason. Lucas doesn’t remember when it started — he supposes the notion of it has always been there, in the back of his head, tucked away. On his fifth birthday, he waited, stayed up until midnight because turning five was such a big deal, and then his birthday was here, the clock said, and nothing stopped like he thought it would. On his first day at school, nothing stopped. When he first kissed a girl, twelve and a little scared and a whole lot weirded out, nothing stopped. Later, when he kissed a boy, nothing stopped either. The time didn’t wait for him when he saw his mom have her first episode, or when his parents fought for the first time, for real, or when his dad left, when his mom went away.

Time never waited for him. It never waits for anyone. It is cruel, in a way, but it can also be comforting — to know that whatever happens, things will continue to spin, to grow and change even when Lucas is happy, even when he is sad, there to live through it all or not around to see. It doesn’t matter. He’s said it, and the world is still spinning. It is Lucas who’s shaking, and not the ground beneath his feet.

”I love you,” he says again. Why not? ”I’m working on it, I promise.”

Eliott’s shirt is black-blue, black-green, black-red.

Then, a hand at his jaw.

Eliott is—it’s Eliott, tilting his face up. Lucas feels the points where they’re suddenly touching like they’re bruises, all tender. Eliott has reached out, and he’s tilting his head up, so careful, like he wants to see, like he wants Lucas to look at him.

Lucas looks.

Eliott brushes his thumb along his cheekbone. He says, small, ”I thought you knew.”

Knew what, Lucas thinks, but his mind is slow and his mouth even more so, and he doesn’t say it, just blinks. His eyelashes are wet.

”I thought you knew,” Eliott says again. His face is a spring, something coming to life. Lucas doesn’t understand what it might be. But then Eliott lifts his other hand to Lucas’s face and wipes his tears away with his fingers, a little clumsy but gentle, and Lucas can feel them shaking just a little. And—”I thought you left that morning because you realised I’m in love with you, and you didn’t want it.”

And—Lucas’s breath gets lost somewhere. For a moment, everything slows down.

”I only ended things so you wouldn’t do it first,” Eliott goes on. Lucas just—keeps looking. ”I was playing it cool. I thought you knew and you were going to break it off anyway. I mean, I—I was so obvious, Lucas, I thought there was no way you didn’t know. Not when I was always—kissing you, and hanging around, not when I kept walking you to work, when you kept falling sleep in my bed.”

Lucas keeps looking, and what he sees is this — the shadows under Eliott’s eyes, his hair a mess, the line of his mouth soft. He is right here. He is right here and he’s saying—all this, with hope blooming on his face like a flower, with his eyes filling with light like the sky at dawn.

”I thought I was too much for you,” he says, ”I thought you’ve had enough, and then you didn’t say anything when I broke things off, so it just. Made sense.”

Lucas struggles with words for a moment. His mind feels completely empty and overbearingly loud all at the same time. But that’s not true, it could never be true, and he’s shaking his head before he can form a response because he could never think that, that Eliott is too much, or not enough, or anything of the sort.

”I wanted to,” he says at last. It sounds unsteady. ”I wanted to tell you, back then, but,” he takes a breath. The rest of the sentence slips from his grasp. ”Eliott, but—really?”

”Yes,” Eliott tells him, ”yes,” and he cradles Lucas’s head, slips his fingers through his hair, ”of course, yes,” and he’s knocking their foreheads together, his breath warm on the side of Lucas’s face.

He’s smiling.

”I love you,” Eliott says, and Lucas has to close his eyes against it for a moment. It’s so much. His chest feels cracked open, a living, breathing thing. ”I love you and I miss you, Lucas, I’ve missed you so much. I went to see you at your bookstore, once, but you weren’t there, and I thought I was going to cry in front of your coworkers right there and then.” Eliott sounds like he’s aiming for humour, but everything else about him gives him away. And Lucas wants to say, I know, I know, they told me, I’ve missed you this whole time, I missed you, too. But Eliott knows this already. He says, ”Sweetheart. I’ve been in love with you for so long, I can’t believe you didn’t know that,” and then he’s pressing his lips to Lucas’s hairline, his temple, his cheek.

Lucas grips the front of Eliott’s paint-splattered t-shirt, just to hold onto something. Trying to get his footing back, he manages, ”You’re no better.”

”I’m not,” Eliott agrees, and then grins like he can’t help it. ”I’m really not. Aren’t we a good match, then?”

And. Lucas thinks they are. They are. It’s exhilarating, to think that.

And really — it is not difficult at all, then, to pull Eliott down and let him gather Lucas into his arms and kiss him, just kiss him, just this. They’ve kissed so many times before, and yet Lucas has forgotten, somehow, what it’s like to press himself close to Eliott’s warmth, tilt his head and let their lips slide together, what it’s like to have Eliott coax his mouth open, everything about him sweet and firm and dizzying.

They stand in the middle of the studio and kiss and kiss, winding close like neighbouring tree branches. Time goes wobbly and distorted. It’s wonderful. Lucas feels warm and solid, mind still reeling and hands still shaking, but it is all dying down, now. So lets his hands wander and relearn, remember. He knows this. He knows the line of Eliott’s shoulders and the tattoo on his chest where it’s hidden under his t-shirt, the knobs of his spine. He knows. He has it now, again. The way Eliott kisses his upper lip, the corner of his mouth, lower lip, bites down on it until it feels red-hot and throbbing. Lucas makes a small noise into the kiss, and Eliott laughs into it, moves back to catch his breath. Lucas chases him, on autopilot, revels in the knowledge that he can, presses his lips to the curve of Eliott’s smile, small, sweet kisses, one-two-three.

He's smiling, too. He feels light-headed with it.

”You could have told me you were coming,” Eliott says right against his mouth. Lucas only moves back enough to look him in the face, smoothes his thumb over his brow. ”I would have worn something nicer.”

It’s so ridiculous. ”One of your ugly shirts, I’m guessing,” Lucas replies, but there’s no bite to it. Just warmth. Like what they used to have, teasing each other over their movie choices, bantering just for the sake of it. Fuck. Lucas feels so, so dizzy with it. He presses his face into the crook of Eliott’s neck so that he doesn’t do something stupid, like burst into tears. There, into the soft fabric of Eliott’s t-shirt, he mutters, ”I don’t care what you’re wearing. I just want you.”

Eliott gathers him so, so close, then, hands in his hair, against his spine. They sway in place. Lucas thinks back to art exhibitions and feeling light, feeling loved.

And then, this — Lucas presses his lips to Eliott’s shoulder over his t-shirt, then higher to his collarbones, to his neck, the curve of his jaw. Eliott breathes against him, tilts his head and catches his lips again, and Lucas feels—a thousand different things, all at the same time. He feels young and in the right place, for once, and so happy he could cry, and in love. Just in love.

It feels good.

They leave the studio eventually, holding hands, stumbling a little to their way to the bus stop because they keep pulling each other into kisses. On the back of the bus, Lucas tucks himself under Eliott’s arm, presses his side to Eliott’s, rests his cheek on Eliott’s shoulder. He can feel the rise and fall of Eliott’s chest against him, calm like the sea. Eliott smells of paint and dust and boy. He tangles their fingers together, keeps playing with them like he can’t help himself, tilts his head every now and then to press his lips to the crown of Lucas’s head, then to Lucas’s forehead when he lifts his head up to look at him properly. They are quiet. Lucas watches the way the city lights gleam in the bus window and illuminate Eliott’s face, keeps thinking about how the silence hanging between them is comfortable, relaxed, voluntary and not forced. The moment feels caught in amber, something still and gold and snatched out of the usual passage of time. They almost miss their stop.

They go home to Eliott’s place, upstairs, and then Eliott kisses Lucas right against the front door until he’s breathless, until they’re both trembling with it, and it takes them no time at all to kick off their shoes and pull each other down the hallway and then fall into bed. All of Eliott’s kisses are open-mouthed and greedy, make something white-hot coil in the pit of Lucas’s stomach, surge through his veins. The garden of feelings in his ribcage is violently alive again. Lucas revels in it. They undress each other with shaking hands.

Later, Eliott lets him do what he wants, so Lucas rolls his hips in a tight circle and takes Eliott’s hand where it’s splayed over his waist and kisses his fingertips, his knuckles, his palms. Eliott looks and moves with him, everything slow and steady until it isn’t, until it turns into rising heat and frantic touches, until all Lucas can do is gasp out little sounds and let Eliott drag him down, grip at his shoulders when he flips them over, his head swimming. If Lucas wasn’t breathless already, this would make him so — the ease of it, the way Eliott pins him to the bed, kisses him deep and heated and urgent and familiar, even after all this time, even now.

After, it takes them a long time to move away from each other. When they finally do, Lucas is grinning, the exact same expression mirrored on Eliott’s face. He looks good — loose-limbed and tired and here, slow when Lucas tries to pull him off the bed, muttering, ”yes, yes,” trailing after him to the bathroom without letting go of his hand.

Lucas’s toothbrush is not by the sink anymore, but that’s okay. Eliott gives him a new one. That’s a start.

And then, this, at last — Eliott turns off the lights, and they go to bed, curl around each other like parentheses where it feels safe and warm under the covers. Lucas lies in the dark and catalogues it all, commits it to memory, all of it — the scent of oranges on the pillow, how the old t-shirt and the too-long pants Eliott gave him to sleep in are worn-in and soft against his skin. How Eliott is—everywhere, in the best way, his arm curled around Lucas’s waist, fingers grazing his back, the skin where the t-shirt rides up. His other hand is heavy in Lucas’s hair, thumb brushing over his temple every now and then, an uneven rhythm. Their legs are tangled together. They keep trading little touches like they’re secrets — Lucas’s fingers are on Eliott’s collarbones, his jaw, his lips, trace the line of his smile as if to make sure it is real. Lucas is tired. In a good way, at last. His eyelids feel heavy, lips throbbing with how thoroughly kissed he’s been, head swimming.

He’s felt like this before, in Eliott’s arms, in Eliott’s bed. He tries not to think about what followed after, back then.

It is, in a way, inconsequential. How could it matter, really, Lucas tells himself, when he is here again, when all he can hear is Eliott’s slow breathing, when everything he wants is to stay, just stay.

”Eliott,” he whispers into the dark, just because he can, ”let’s never move again.”

When Eliott chuckles, Lucas feels it more than he hears it, really. It’s wonderful. ”I’d be fine with that.”

Lucas loves him so much that there aren’t words for it, maybe. He’s never been good with those. Eliott has his art and Lucas has this — the way the garden of feelings locked away in his ribcage seems to be overflowing, an alive, vibrant thing, a quiet eruption of colour. He nuzzles closer, presses his lips to Eliott’s shoulder and breathes.

”Lucas,” he hears Eliott say, makes a small noise in response. His eyes are closed; he missed the moment it happened. For a second, Eliott just keeps breathing, like he’s thinking something over. He splays his fingers on Lucas’s back, and the touch feels warm even through the t-shirt. Then, at length, hushed, ”About what you said earlier. You—you did not ruin anything.”

And, see — Lucas lays in the arms of the boy he loves, feeling warm and safe and sleepy, and thinks that this is, maybe, the happiest he’ll ever be. It doesn’t get better than this. It doesn’t. He did not ruin anything. For once, there is a person who came back instead of leaving. They have a lot to talk about, but they can take it slow. They’re both here. They’re not going anywhere.

”Thank you,” he hears himself say, mumbled against Eliott’s shoulder. Lucas presses another kiss to it. ”I love you.”

Because Lucas might not have the words to explain everything he’s feeling, and he might have made mistakes, and he might have been afraid of many, many things, but maybe that’s okay. Love is scary. But love is also this — being there for the other person, being honest, being kind. Trying to learn. Trying to forgive, not only other people but also yourself. Lucas is not very good at it, admittedly, but for the first time in a long while, he feels like he could try, if it’s with Eliott.

As he falls asleep, that’s what he thinks about.

In the morning, Lucas wakes up in increments. First, the light coming in through the windows gets to him, greyish-soft of early beginnings of the day. Then, the silence of the room. The smell on the pillow, the fabric of the t-shirt that’s sitting askew on his shoulders. The heat of another body against him. The weight of another person dipping the mattress.

The bed is not empty. Lucas is not alone.

He opens his eyes to the sight of Eliott’s face relaxed and unguarded. Then, he just looks and looks. It is easy, to get lost in this — Lucas feels rested and lazy and content, does not try to blink the sleepiness away, lets it settle in his bones where it makes him heavy, in the lines of his face. Time gets liquid and stretches like a cat, lazy, elegant. Lucas lets himself be lazy along with it. There’s been too many rushed mornings in the last few weeks, too many late nights and early-starting days where he refused to take his time and refused to wait for anyone, even for himself. It is a nice change of pace. Lucas doesn’t want to be anywhere but here.

He does not know how much time passes until Eliott begins to stir, but eventually, his fingers twitch against Lucas’s stomach, and he shifts. Lucas nuzzles into the pillow with only one eye open, listens to the slight hitch in the pace of Eliott’s breathing.

He pretended to be asleep, once, just to be able to stay close to Eliott. Now, he doesn’t. Lucas watches Eliott’s eyes flutter open. He says, ”Hi.”

”Hello,” Eliott mumbles, a soft noise. ”Morning.”

”Mhm,” Lucas says a bit nonsensically. ”Morning.”

Eliott blinks blearily like he’s getting used to the day, or just the sight in front of him. ”You’re still here.”

”I am,” Lucas tells him. ”You’re still here, too.”

They just look at each other for a while, both apparently thinking about the same moment in time, again, the morning of. Lucas only now feels himself waking up, like he’s swimming up from the bottom of a pool, breaks the surface of the water to take a breath, full and crisp. He watches the traces of sleep fade away from Eliott’s eyes, too, slowly. He lifts a hand and traces the lines of Eliott’s face with his fingers, careful, and Eliott nuzzles into his palm like he’s seeking warmth.

”Can I tell you,” Eliott asks, ”what I wanted to say back then? That morning?”

Lucas takes a breath, then nods.

”I wanted to say, hey, what would you like for breakfast?” he says, and Lucas feels himself smiling just a little. ”I’ve been thinking, how about we pretend we never made the rules back in the beginning? Did you like the exhibition last night?” Eliott stops, then. Something in his face goes soft, gentle in the morning light. ”I also wanted to say, I’m in love with you. Very much so.”

Lucas traces the line of Eliott’s brow. His heart sings. ”Really?”

Eliott hums. His eyes are bright. ”Yes.”

”I wanted to say it, too,” Lucas tells him then because it just feels right. ”Not that morning, not yet, but—later, I wanted to. In the coffee shop, when we met up. That’s what I wanted to say.”

Eliott winces a little, but he’s smiling. Lucas threads his fingers through Eliott’s hair. For a moment, they just breathe in the truth of it — that things could have been so different, so much easier. That they should have given themselves more time. That they’ve been on the same page for so long. And yet.

”We have a lot to talk about, don’t we,” Eliott says at length. His fingers are skimming the waistband of Lucas’s pyjama pants. Not to do anything, really, but just to touch. They can do that, now.

”Yeah,” Lucas tells him, brushing Eliott’s hair away from his forehead. ”I think we do. But there’s no rush.”

And after that, there’s not much of a choice left for Lucas but to lean in and trace sleep-soft kisses along the line of Eliott’s jaw, press his lips to his cheek and his fluttering eyelids and his grinning mouth. They stay in bed until the light goes from grey to bright yellow, until the time changes its colours like it does with book pages, trading touches and smiles until they eventually drag themselves out from under the covers and go, sleep-rumpled and sweet-eyed, to make some coffee.

They will be okay, Lucas thinks. Together, they will be just fine.

#elu #elu fic #skam france #skamfr #things i forgot to tell you #my writing #elu fanfic #she is here........can u believe #i made it before midnight like i promise BLESS now i can go to sleep #pls let me know what you think!

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celestialflamesme · 3 years

Text

| KARMA AND CRAZY MIDGETS | A Venai One-shot Modern AU | Fairy Tail Next Generation |

Ships: Raidyn Dreyar x Venetia Redfox

Dedicated to @primaverafrog @luna-chan00 @biorckstudios18 @animaration-fts @cxndy-stxrs (Lol, I can't believe that no-paragraph breaks worked😂 I fooled Tumblr, y'all!😎😆)

You'd think having a town overtaken by the mafia would make people more apprehensive, if anything. But if Magnolians were anything, they were huge (and he simply could not stress this enough) idiots.

Raidyn prided himself in not partaking in anything Fairy-esque which was more than what he could say about some of his colleagues (Yes, they named themselves Fairy 'Tail' of all things! How no one in this town even got the spelling right was beyond him....)

"Did you hear about Fullbuster and that Fernandez chick? They're together now!" Some red head he'd forgotten the name of (What! It was too late to ask her now!) stage-whispered.

"Who? Storm?"

The entire cafe burst into laughter. "Like Storm would even look at a girl that's not Nashi."

Point proven. They!! were!! on!! first!! name!! basis!! (He bet no one in this room even knew his last name, let alone first. Not that it mattered. He liked slinking in the shadows, although it was practically impossible with his snow-white hair)

Geez, did these people have no lives? They were talking about delinquents for Pete's sake! And ones that sure loved messing up the town in their infamous brawls. But did the people care? Nooooo.

Ugh, one more year and he'd be out of this whacked up place. Wiping a tabletop, he forced a smile on his face and pretended to be interested in the topic.

"Cass, I'll have a black and a burger with fries," a voice interrupted. A voice he was very familiar with.

Did he happen to mention that the most annoying one of them all had made this her hangout spot?

At 5'1, you'd think Venetia Redfox would be the least intimidating person ever. But with crimson red eyes and a Devil-may-care attitude that made up for it, no one dared mess with her. She also caused 75% of the fights in town and had a smirk straight out of a Wattpad Bad-boy fanfic.

Boy, did he hate her.

"You're gonna chip it off with that grip, Blondie."

Oh my god, she did not just-

Raidyn shot her a glare and strode to the back of the register, faintly registering a chuckle (Who the hell did she think she was?) before picking up another order.

Little Miss Redfox however sat at a corner table and continued doing whatever the hell she usually did every Tuesday and Friday for 3 hours in a row (he should know, he was there glaring at her at closing time).

But the kicker this time was, at that moment, her phone rang. You have never really seen your world end right before your eyes if you haven't seen a 5 foot psychotic looking delinquent decked in leather that drove in a motorcycle there by the way (How does one willingly ride on a metallic death-trap like that?!) mumble the words 'Cha cha real smooth' and pick up a call with the most deadpan look ever.

Raidyn almost cried. Almost.

"Are you kidding me? Do it yourself! I swear to God, you always do this shit, Dragneel!" She got up from her seat and walked out, just like she looooved doing smack dab in the middle of her classes back at Magnolia High.

Good riddance.

........

He jinxed it. Karma was such a bitch.

Though no sort of karmic revenge could explain the shit he had to go through that week.

First off, he had 4 assignments due in by the end of the week. And turns out that was the exact week his dear red-head colleague decided would the perfect time for a vacation (It's the middle of September, where in hell's name was she planning to go to?)

Guess who had double shifts now?

This clown.

Ugh. Talk about chivalry and all that loyalty shit.

And yes, of course his car had to break down, and the local bus had to change it's schedule, which left him with his last resort: walking 4 and a quarter miles to school (Oh, he found that out the hard way all right) to college. Nashi and the Fullbuster kid (He sure loved walking around shirtless a little too much) decided to brawl (again) and bam, his locker got caught in the crossfire.

In fact things were so overly shitty that he became skeptical come Thursday when the day seemed relatively normal.

"You've been scowling all week, Dreyar. Anything the matter?"

Raidyn snapped out of his reverie and groaned. "Dad, why not just call me by my name like any normal person would?"

"Because that doesn't build-"

"CHARACTER!! WE GET IT!" His mom, Mirajane mimicked with a scowl. "Well, we're just going to get two Happy meals and then we're off, honey!"

He faintly registered Hunter snickering in the background (How immature. Raidyn wasn't one to get embarrassed by his parents. Plus, none of it would ever compare to the Disco Fiasco of 2001. How else do you think he got his car? Sweet, sweet guilt-tripping....)

The day buzzed past but his suspicions only intensified tenfold. (Call him a pessimist, he didn't care) And like a bull in a China shop, a tiny midget Redfox (the one and only) strut in.

Now, he was behind the counter at that moment handling the red-head (he really ought to learn her name someday) so he didn't notice 5 feet of brute strength that climbed up behind him and dragged him (poor, unsuspecting him) into the supply closet.

Oh no, he was not kidding. The supply closet. Of all the places the perpetrator could've-

The lights flickered on and he screeched (What? Any human would!) at the red irises staring determinedly into his own non-red eyes. (Seriously, were those even real?) Raidyn wasn't scared of no judgement, what did scare him (maybe not that much, now that he knew who those belonged to) was Satan's minion and her RED AS FUCK EYES! LIKE SERIOUSLY-

Clearing his throat and trying to salvage some faux dignity after that dramatic display, he grunted, "Touch me one more time and you're-"

"Yeah, yeah I get it, big guy. Look, I need a favour."

Venetia Redfox crossed her arms and stood threateningly in front of the entrance.

Who was she kidding? "Nope," he muttered and swerved right around her and made his way to the counter. (Pipsqueak. She really should've seen that coming.)

And right as he turned right towards the display case, he found her leaning against it with her shoulder, looking bored. "Yes. And now."

How the- PPHIGXUTDUTZUT- HOW DID SHE JUST-

"Parkour." She deadpanned.

Raidyn gave Venetia a long, long look and sighed, striding towards her. Her smirk widened in anticipation as-

He picked her up like a sack of potatoes and tossed her over his shoulder.

"WHAT THE- THIS IS HARASSMENT!!"

"Technically, you cornered me first," he stated matter-of-factly and dropped her on her feet (she looked like a hissy kitten, hmm.) Then proceeding to close the doors at her, he picked up a poster of her (he kept posters of all of them for a day like this. Ah, foreboding luck. He could feel it.) and pinned it onto the front door.

BANNED: VENETIA REDFOX

(Was he even allowed to do that, you might ask, but bah, who cares? Rabid girls are a nationwide threat.)

.................

As he wrapped up and prepared to leave, Raidyn had a niggling feeling he forgot something very, very crucial. Uh-

A body collided onto his own and climbed (I kid you not) him (THE FUCK KIND OF ANIMALS DID MAGNOLIA OWN?) before a tiny, rough hand muffled him. Oh no.

"Yoph kiphing mmph!" Raidyn groaned.

"I need you to teach me how to solve a Rubix Cube."

What. Excuse Raidyn for not knowing, but was Rubix cube some mafia codeword for mafia stuff? Stealing a car, fighting goons, skipping classes or drug dealing? Raidyn Dreyar had a long jail-free life ahead of him, mind you.

BUT SERIOUSLY, SOLVE A RUBIX CUBE?! HOW FRICKING RANDOM WAS THAT?! WHO EVEN TOLD HER HE KNEW HOW TO SOLVE ONE? WHAT WAS WRONG WITH THIS GODFORSAKEN TOWN?!!!

(Some might say he really had to stop reading those novels his mom bought. Some might be right. Whatever.)

Back to the topic on hand, he mumbled inaudibly. Her cropped hair tickled the sides of his face as she squinted at him, "What?"

Was she kidding right now? He pointed at her hand covering his mouth and her eyes widened as she let out a nervous laugh. (Geez, talk about stupid.)

He took in a deep breath and shook her off him. She stood there patiently (As patiently as a Redfox could, anyway.) as he straightened his shirt.

"First things first, NO!" And he stalked away.

He registered a groan from behind him and quickened his pace. However, the midget in question managed to propel herself at break-neck speeds and no joke, TACKLED him.

"PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE-"

"GET OFF ME, YOU PSYCHOTIC-"

Karma was such a bitch.

Macao, the guard standing by the parking lot, huffed, "They don't pay me enough for this."

...............

The only reason he was doing this was because she offered to fix up his car. (How did she even know it wasn't starting?) Also because it had been a while since he brushed up on his Rubix skills. Also because he wanted to get rid of the midget before she followed him home. (He figured his mom and dad would ENJOY her presence and replace him with her. He had crazy parents.)

Everyday she'd make sure to meet him (mostly by cornering him in the hallways) and in exchange for these classes, she'd work on his car at the weekend.

The first time she came over to his house (to work on his car, but he didn't know that) was rather embarrassing because he kinda sorta thought she was a burglar and locked his garage, yelling at the top of his lungs. His dad, Laxus came out with a taser (Dad sure loved his tasers.) Of course, when he finally opened the garage doors, he was met with an unimpressed look from the Redfox in question. (God, he was such a drama queen.)

The midget had a lot of trouble twisting her hands at the beginning of her sessions and he loved teasing her about her 'butter fingers' every time she accidentally flung the cube across the room or out the window in one rare occasion.

You know, she was kind of fun to have around.

"And that's the algorithm! You're all done!" He cheered, glad to have this behind him.

"Geez, you don't have to sound that excited to get rid of me." Venetia teased.

"What? No....." He feigned innocence.

"D'aww, admit it, you enjoyed my company."

"Please, more like I was scared for my life." He mumbled. She snorted.

"Catch you later, alligator."

Did she just- "NO WAY, JOŚE!" (That was lame even for him. Gosh dang it, she was laughing at him....)

Fricking Redfox.

......................

That weekend, Raidyn thought he deserved a good ol' evening out with his friends/colleagues (technically it was the manager that suggested it and he tagged along for the heck of it. He wasn't much of a social person, per se.)

He guessed Karma was still on a streak when Venetia Redfox entered the very same place they'd chosen for karaoke night and sat herself on one of the tables in front of them. And proceeded to order nothing.

The raven-head didn't even have her notebook (that always made her look disarmingly tiny) or her phone. Oh well, she must've been waiting for someone.

As the hours passed, he found himself exceedingly irritated for no reason.

"Who in their right mind would stand up The Venetia Redfox?" His colleagues whispered (rather loudly, according to him) and she just tapped her fingers away, oblivious to it all.

Fine, whatever.

"Sup." He towered over her and greeted, moving to take a seat next to her.

She blinked at him.

Okay, you couldn't exactly judge him. She was a regular and tipped good and people were being annoying about her and oh, her tapping was distracting and he had a massive headache coming. That's all. Simple as that.

"Don't you have better shit to do?" Red irises stared at him impassively.

"What are you doing here by yourself?" He asked coolly.

"Well, Nashi was supposed to-"

"I'M HERE! I'M HERE! I'M-" Both tilted their heads just in time to see Nashi ram into the glass doors. The now groaning pinkette was sprawled on her butt in front of the entrance. "Fricking doors."

"That's her." Venetia deadpanned. Raidyn shook his head sympathetically.

"Heyo Ven! Heh, kinda lost track of time beating Frostbite at Mario Kart," her doe eyes scanned him. "Raidyn! I didn't know you guys were friends!" She grinned.

Raidyn gave her a two-finger salute in greeting.

Nashi's eyes suddenly widened in realisation. "YOU'RE TEACHING HER THE RUBIX?!"

"Uh..."

"Yup." Venetia smirked. "He's a great teach. His parents have taken me in as their own."

"WAIT! WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN?! HOW WAS I NOT AWARE OF THIS?!"

"Just like that, Blondie. What can I say? It's the charm," She grinned at his bewildered face.

"You guys are all ready for the challenge then?" Nashi wiggled, now nervous, "Ven, I didn't mean to drag you into this, but Clint was-"

"It's cool, dumbass." Venetia shrugged. "Ain't your fault that they're dipshits."

At his confused look, Nashi clarified, "People like picking on us just because we're Fairies and held to the same standards as our parents. This frat dude decided he had to prove he was smarter than the Fairies and decided to pick a Rubix cube challenge of all things." She rolled her eyes. "Bet he taught he was real original thinking that one up."

"Bet he did." Storm scoffed. (Wait, what?)

"WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?"

"From- the front door?" Storm scratched his head in genuine confusion. (As if Raidyn was the weird one that sneaked up behind people like a stalker!)

Nashi facepalmed. "Why the heck are you here, Frostbite?"

"Just like that."

"Gosh, you're so annoying."

"Wanna say that to my face, Flamebrains?!" Storm yelled. (Oh, not again....)

"Guys, please don't...." Raidyn said, but both didn't seem to be paying attention to him.

"I SAID YOU'RE ANNOYING! FIGHT ME!" She threw a punch at him and before he knew it both were throwing napkin holders and vases at each other.

Venetia seemed to be enjoying the show, and pulled him to the back of the room, "This might take a while," she stated. "Wanna grab a milkshake?"

Well, he was kind of craving one. "Why not?"

..................

Today was the day of Venetia's challenge and Raidyn found himself nervous.

"You sure they won't wreck the place?" He grumbled for the umpteenth time.

Venetia groaned. "Do you have no faith in my abilities, Dreyar?"

"Nope. None whatsoever."

She raised an eyebrow, "Shame on you, then. I wouldn't let a good friend lose his job on my behalf. Dally ho, now!" She cheered.

He blinked at her, giving her a small reluctant smile. "Kick ass, Ven."

She tilted her head toward him and gave him a grin that knocked the breath out of him. "Thanks, Raidyn."

Shit. When did- when did she get so pretty?

"Look who we have here. You sure you're in the right place, Redfox?" A voice condescended. The owner of the voice was a grimy looking kid that looked like one of those middle-school spelling-bee losers that bragged about it whenever they met someone new.

"Clint." Venetia deadpanned.

Raidyn broke out into a fit of laughter, making 'Clint' (What kind of sad name was that?) glare at him. (Oh please, Little Clint was totally quaking in his boots! Why'd he even bother coming?)

"Let's begin then! Pick a shuffler." Clint drawled.

Venetia picked Nashi while Clint, after a moment of deliberation, picked one of his gang-mates (What did they call it? The Math club?)

"You may begin."

Both Nashi and the grimy dude shuffled for the better of 15 seconds. Clint just scoffed and clicked like a pretentious know-it-all, making comments like, "You're making it easier by shuffling harder, you know. Make it tougher for me, Nashi dear."

Raidyn had to give it to the pinkette, he would've smacked the teen by now.

"Okay," the referee, Storm cheered, (even though he looked like he was ready to kill Clint) "Timer starts, NOW!"

Both twisted and turned the cube furiously, Venetia sticking her tongue out in concentration while the teen twisted his arms like a man possessed.

"I'M DONE!" Venetia dropped the cube with a thud onto the table. "How's that for a Redfox?"

"E-excuse me? That's insane! It's only been," Clint checked the timer like the sore loser he was, "31 seconds!"

"Too bad," she smirked. (Well shit, that was hot...)

"I demand a rematch!"

Nashi moved to protest, but Venetia silenced her with a hand, "Whatever you say, kid..."

"This time, we swap cubes!" He whined like the little weasel he was.

3 minutes later, the rematch began and Venetia plopped her cube on the table with a glare.

"You think you're smart giving me a faulty cube, don't you?"

"And I'm done!" The weasel had the nerve to say. "I don't know what you're talking about Venetia, I used the same cube and it worked just fine. Maybe it was a stroke of luck on your part the first tim-"

He couldn't finish his tirade because Raidyn took that opportunity to check the cube (He didn't have to though, he believed Venetia enough to know she wouldn't make up excuses.) and yeeted it at his face like he'd been itching to do from the moment he saw the turd.

"YOU IDIOT! I'LL HAVE YOUR HEAD FOR THIS-"

"GET HIM!"

"OH NO, YOU DON'T!" Nashi growled, "I'M ALL FIRED UP NOW!"

Oh dear.

Okay, maybe the fight wouldn't get too big, these were scrawny kids after a-

Yeah, Nashi Dragneel just flipped a table on them.

There goes his job.

"GO, NASHI!" His manager cheered. (Okay, thank God this town was crazy.) "Raidyn! You can take the day off, kid. Have fun!"

Storm chose that moment to enter after his momentary toilet-break. "I WAS GONE FOR 3 MINUTES, WOMAN! WHAT THE HELL?!"

"JOIN US, STRIPPER!"

"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!"

"YOU HEARD ME!"

Venetia, unbothered by the chaos behind her, pulled him by the arm, her eyebrows furrowed at him, "Well, I tried. But hey, looks like you still have your job. That's a win, right?" She scratched her neck, laughing.

He sighed, putting caution to the wind. This was Ven after all. "Ice-cream date? My treat for today's win."

A smile erupted on her face, "Only if we take my bike there."

.............

Bonus (That no one asked for):

"Okay, so you have to grip it right. Not too tight. Just enough to nudge it in the right direction." Venetia explained, from where she was seated in front of him on the death tra- bike.

Raidyn nervously laughed, "I've got this in the bag, I don't know what you're worried about." The tilt in his voice gave away his panic, however. She raised an eyebrow.

"Humor me then."

Okay.

Five.

Four.

Three.

Two.

One.

GO!!

"DON'T CLOSE YOUR EYES, YOU IDIOT!!" Venetia screeched. She reached over and took over the handlebars just in time as they nearly crashed into a tree Raidyn was headed for.

He got off the bike and tripped, falling face-first on the ground. Fricking Jelly-legs. "I am never riding that death trap again." Raidyn groaned.

"What the heck?!" Venetia questioned, bewildered. "How'd you even get your driver's ed with such sucky basics?"

"IT'S A DEATH TRAP, THAT'S WHY!!"

"OF COURSE IT'S A DEATH TRAP IF YOU'RE NOT LOOKING WHERE YOU'RE GOING!!!!"

"Fight me Ven, I'm never getting on that thing again!"

"Too bad, I have to drop you back home too." The sneaky devil dared smirk at his plight.

Fricking Karma.

He wouldn't have it any other way, though.

.............

#raidyn dreyar #venetia redfox #shutora redfox #venai #gale #miraxus #fairy tail #ft next generation #venetia x raidyn #nashi dragneel x storm fullbuster #nashi dragneel #storm fullbuster #modern au #rubix cube #bad boy remake

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ellewritesathing · 4 years

Text

Faking It - V

Summary: You’d done plenty of dumb things in your life, but the dumbest had to be picking Greendale’s latest bad-boy to pretend to be your boyfriend.

Masterlist Prev. | Part 5

Word-count: 2.6k+

A/N: ... so that was some rough stuff. i hope this makes up for it!! 💕

Considering that your relationship with Caliban had been entirely fake from the start, you had no reason to be as pissed off about it ending as you were. But there you were: lonely and pissed off, with all the little trinkets he’d ever given you surrounding where you were moping on your bedroom floor.

The flower he’d picked from the field and put in your hair? In the shoebox. The ticket stubs from the first movie you’d seen together? In the shoebox. The detention slip you’d gotten when you cut class together that he’d written and drawn all over? In the shoebox. Any and all feelings towards him? In the goddamn shoe box.

Despite the progress you were making with trashing your room, you and your brooding were interrupted by someone knocking at your window. You pretended not to notice Harvey perched haphazardly on your window sill and started heading out to the hall when Sabrina stepped out to block you. For a tiny person, she could be pretty intimidating when popping out of the shadows like that.

“Open the window,” she said.

“You can’t tell me what to do. This is my house.”

“Your house is going to have a dead body out front if you let Harvey dangle out there for another five minutes. He’s not exactly well coordinated.”

You rolled your eyes before walking over and throwing the window open. Harvey swore as he climbed through and you walked over to flop on your bed. As you settled on your bed, Sabrina dusted Harvey off and checked that he was okay - a very small action that made you feel sick given your very recent single status.

“So what do the two of you want?” you asked. They looked awkwardly at each other and you rolled your eyes. “Come on, you ambushed me in my bedroom. You want something. Spit it out.”

“It’s not that we want something,” Sabrina said, gingerly making her way over to your bed. She made a spot for herself among all the junk you had piled high around her. “We just wanted to check on you. It’s been a while since anyone saw you.”

“It’s been a day, first of all.” You waved your finger around as you spoke. “And second of all, that still means you still want something.”

Harvey mumbled your name and sat on the bed right next to you, forcing you over to the side of the bed with the junk if you didn’t want to be crushed. “Come on. Just tell us what’s going on with you.”

“Harvey, you were there,” you said. “Both of you were there. You know what’s going on.”

“Caliban never told us what happened. He left right after you did,” Sabrina said.

Did he try to come after you? His car was a lot faster than yours so he would've-

“Did something happen with Lucy?”

You scoffed and took something out of the junk pile to fiddle with. Did something happen with Lucy? I don’t Brina, what was your first clue?

“Yeah, something happened with Lucy,” you said instead of snapping. “They were making out and I caught them. The cycle of bullshit continues.”

“Oh, Y/N,” Sabrina said softly.

At the same time, Harvey got awkward next to you as he reached for your hand. “I know how you feel,” he said with a small smile. “Fucking sucks.”

You laughed and pulled yourself up to hug him. The two of you had been through a lot together, but this was by far the weirdest thing yet. You had the lucky experience of being heartbroken over the same two people kissing, how many best friends could say that?

“Okay, you two, stop moping,” Sabrina said as she got up. “We’re going out. You, get dressed. You, help me get Roz and Theo.”

“I’m not leaving the house until I absolutely have to. My plans are to burn that box and watch 10 Things I Hate About You so I can cry over Heath Ledger.”

And not Caliban.

“Fine, then we’ll have a movie night!” Harvey said. He sounded too cheery at the thought of being cooped up in the house with you. “Then you don’t even have to get changed, but, uh, you are starting to smell, so maybe you should.”

“Harvey, so help me God-”

After taking a shower and getting into fresh sweats, you spent the rest of the long weekend curled up with your friends under a mountain of blankets and eating so much junk food that your stomach hurt. Despite your determination to be in a bad mood, spending this much time with them got you to stop thinking about Caliban and lifted your spirits.

It was still awkward whenever one of them would slip up and mention him before turning very quickly to check that you weren’t going to burst into tears, but it got better. Roz braided your hair and Theo distracted you by telling you all about this kid named Robin that he met. It was the best post-breakup hangout you guys had had yet.

That perfect little bubble of denial burst when you got into the car to drive yourself to school and found Caliban’s jacket waiting for you in the passenger seat. He’d left it thereafter you convinced him to let you drive him home after one of his boring baseball games.

Once you got to school, you gathered the jacket and everything else you wanted to return and stomped over to Caliban’s locker. He looked a lot more like the pissed off wannabe Abercrombie & Fitch model you met those months ago and less like the softer version of Caliban you’d come to know. You didn’t know if it made you sadder or feel pettily vindicated.

You faked a sweet smile at him when he closed the door and saw you standing there. “Here’s all your crap.”

Caliban looked down at the box and took it without anything more than a thank you. But even if he didn’t say anything else, he didn’t make any attempts to walk away. He just stood there, looking at you with those confusing eyes. Was he trying to say something? Trying to figure out how you felt?

Whatever he was doing, you didn’t want any part of it. You mumbled a goodbye before shaking your head and turning to walk away.

“So that’s it?” he asked. Caliban hadn’t moved an inch when you turned around but he looked … sadder, less angry somehow. Still confusing.

“What do you want me to say?” you asked. “That we both knew this was a bad idea from the start? That I’m the idiot who got emotionally attached? Something like that, Caliban?”

“Emotionally attached?” Caliban repeated.

The bell rang before you could curse him out, so you decided to listen to divine intervention for once in your life and just walked away. Every step you took broke your heart a little more because the sound of your shoes hitting the ground reminded you that he was never going to come after you.

---

A week passed and he still hadn’t come after you. It made being at school remarkably awkward given how your friends had attached to him, but you pushed through it. Until Harvey ambushed you. Meet him by the locker room after practice and you’d get lunch, he said. Bullshit.

It was suspicious enough that he wanted you to wait for him by the locker room and even more so when it took him twenty minutes to change, but you let it slide. What you wouldn’t let slide, however, was when you came out of the restaurant bathroom and Caliban was seated across from Harvey. In your spot.

“What the hell is going on here?” you asked, stopping in front of the table and pointing an accusatory finger at Harvey and then at Caliban. “You hate him.”

“Yeah, but you don’t,” Harvey said, getting up to stop you from bolting out the door. “Just hear me out, okay?”

“After this, I don’t think I’m listening to you ever again unless it’s to make fun of you,” you said. All your snark aside, you let Harvey guide you into a seat. But then he just sat there, looking nervous and unsure about the situation while you grew restless. “So are you going to say anything?”

“Yeah. Yeah, totally,” Harvey said. He leaned closer and looked down for a second as he strung his thoughts together. “You guys have been huge downers since you broke up. You’re moping all the time and listening to sad music and you’re racing and getting into fights-”

“You’re fighting again?” you asked, knitting your face together slightly as you looked at him.

Caliban had told you bits and pieces about his fighting. He had anger issues as a kid so he’d always been in some kind of contact sport. Between that training and the bullying, he’d learned how to be a pretty decent fighter. And then he got old enough to get a believable fake ID and start fighting underground. God knows he didn’t need the money, but you had the feeling it was the only way he felt anything other than angry and empty.

“Not like that,” Caliban said quietly, looking at you for a moment before returning his attention to Harvey.

Liar.

“Yeah, well, whatever,” Harvey said, skipping over all the tension. “Point is: You were annoying when you were dating, but it’s even worse when you’re not. Just talk it through, alright? Please?”

You shrugged and Harvey went on for a few more awkward minutes before getting up and telling you he’d be waiting in the car for you. The restaurant felt suffocatingly silent without him, but you didn’t know what to say and Caliban wasn’t exactly known for his emotional vulnerability.

So you used this quiet time to think about how you’d paint this scene: You on one side of the table, muted colors and soft lines making you up but reds and oranges all around you, and Caliban on the other made up in harsh, black and white lines and blues surrounding him. You’d call it Starcross’d. Fake your death and sell it for thousands on the black market.

It was the perfect plan, really, if it weren’t for those perfectly imperfect hands on the table. Calluses were starting to form on the undersides that you could only partially see, the knuckles were slightly swollen and red, and his boney fingers tapped the table absent-mindedly as he thought. All you wanted to do was reach out and hold them, a quality you could never capture on canvas. It fucked up your painting just like he fucked up everything else.

“I’m not sure where to start,” Caliban said quietly. You’d been so busy staring at his hands that you hadn’t noticed him staring at you until you looked up. “I’ve never had this kind of relationship with someone, fake or not. It’s all very confusing.”

That made you laugh a short and bitter laugh as you straightened up in your seat. “Yeah, tell me about it.”

Caliban smiled slightly but there was something else there. He was nervous. “I’m not very good at this.”

“Try.”

He took a breath and shifted in his chair, drawing his hands in and tapping them one more time. “This meant more to me than I expected it to,” Caliban said. “I thought it would be fun for a week or so to mess with Billy, and then when Harvey got so mad at me … He was talking to me again. I gave it another week.”

“Are you trying to tell me that you only liked me because it made Harvey mad?”

“That’s not what I meant.” Caliban sighed and mumbled under his breath about not being good at this. “What I meant is that I like you because you’re the only liar I’ve ever met who can’t throw a punch. You’re funny, and smart, and insanely competitive in a way that doesn’t make me care if I lose,” he said with a short laugh. “And you showed me that Harvey would still talk to me if I didn’t piss him off.”

He looked annoyingly sincere as he spoke with his eyes avoiding yours. As much as you wanted to believe him, you weren’t sure you could open yourself up to him and his bullshit again.

“Let’s say I believe you - which I don’t - then why did you lie about you and Lucy?”

“I never lied about her,” Caliban said, careful to keep calm. He looked like he was straining to keep his voice even, clearly uncomfortable with talking about himself. “Lucinda was my best friend - my only friend - for many years but she can be … possessive. I went up to explain to her that I couldn’t do it again and tell her that I thought she should leave. She didn’t handle the rejection too well.”

“It didn’t look like a rejection from where I was standing,” you mumbled.

“I know, and I’m sorry. Truly,” Caliban said, almost reaching across to you. He took a breath and pulled his hand back. “She kissed me and I panicked like a stupid twelve-year-old boy. You caught the wrong end of it and I just thought … you deserved so much better than me anyway. If you wanted to leave, I wasn’t going to be the one to hold you back.”

“Bullshit.” You leaned forward and got close enough that he had to take his eyes off his hand and look at you. Your voice was harsher than you meant it to be, but you were still so angry at him. “You didn’t stop me because you were scared, not because you’re some noble knight.”

“Don’t you get it?” Caliban asked, his voice just as harsh as yours. “That’s the point. I didn’t come after you because that’s not who I am. I am not a noble knight. I’m not the person you deserve.”

“You don’t get to make decisions about what I deserve,” you said. You were close enough to him still that you could almost feel him breathing. It made your heartbeat annoyingly fast.

“I should. You might end up with a good guy,” Caliban said quietly, dropping his eyes to his hands again. They were close to your own now that you’d gotten all up in his face, but he wasn’t moving them any closer.

“Believe it or not, I still think you’re a good guy,” you said, voice just as quiet. “I’m just not sure if I … I don’t know if I can do this again. All the lying and secret-keeping.” Caliban started pulling away and saying something but you grabbed hold of his hand. “So if we do this again-” you said, talking over his arguing “-Then we do it for real. No more lying from either of us.”

Caliban took a breath as he adjusted to the new position the two of you were in. He started untangling one of his hands and you held tighter before he tilted his head slightly and pulled his hand free. He lifted it to move some hair out of your face.

“I never lied to you.”

“Then you’ve got nothing to lose,” you said with a small smile.

He shook his head and smiled to himself as he looked down at the table. “Are you sure you want to do this again?”

Honestly, no. The only thing you were sure about was that your life kind of sucked without that pissed off Abercrombie & Fitch model.

That, and if you ever saw Lucy again you’d knock her teeth out.

“Well, it’s either you or Billy, and I fucking hate Billy,” you said.

At least he laughed at your joke, that was progress.

“Alright,” Caliban said eventually. He still seemed sad but he was calmer as he looked back up at you. “But you need to let me make this up to you before anything else.”

You smiled. “I’m sure you’ll figure something out, Abercrombie. And you know where to find me when you do.”

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