#and didn’t know what to do with myself

[ghosts-cyphera]

I am a pussy so I wont be showing you who I am but I want you to know that I adore you and your writing. I can see a bit of your personality in every post and I love it. You deserve so much more praise than you get now. I hope you take time to hype yourself up a bit.

I’m—

are you kidding me? are you serious? did you not accidentally send this to me? I’m convinced that this was accidental because this is literally one of the sweetest things that anyone has ever said to me and I genuinely do not know how to respond or what to say or what to do I’m just— 💕💗💘 aaaah !! thank you?? so much. so, so much. I’m sobbing.

#genuinely what #thank you #this is one of those comments that I will never ever forget #I saw this the second I woke up and immediately sent a screenshot to my partner because I was sobbing #and didn’t know what to do with myself #I’ve been literally processing this for a few hours by now and even then this was the only reply I could muster #I wish you all the best you absolute sweetheart #it’s good that you didn’t show who you are because I would’ve fallen straight in love with you hahaha #(please don’t be scared to share who you are I’m not scary and I promise I will try to control the butterflies in my freaking tummy lol) #(I love you) #lo answers #‘hype yourself up’ me: ‘this was ACCIDENTAL I don’t deserve praise like this’ #bestie bestie I promise I’ll try to step up my game haha

[femmeconomics]

hate to say it, but part of ending the stigma around sexual assault means not assuming every woman blames herself. yes, female socialization encourages it, but that doesn’t make it a given, and the goal of all of these campaigns is to eventually diminish the proportion of women who do blame themselves. it is entirely possible, and increasingly common, for women to experience sexual assault and not feel shame or guilt, which we should be happy about. but instead, there are only so many times you can hear “you know it’s not your fault, right?” before it sounds like “it was your fault”. and there’s only so many times you can hear “don’t blame yourself” before it sounds like “you should blame yourself”. because it feels good to say, doesn’t it? sure, you don’t believe she’s guilty, but you do believe she should feel guilty, so that you can disabuse her of the notion. just something to consider.

#i think we are very pleased with the idea of female shame #even among people who genuinely do not believe women are at fault for being assaulted #you are still meant to pay the penance of suffering and self destruction #god fucking knows why #“i got mugged” “aww don’t blame yourself for walking around with those fancy shoes and visible wallet okay? it’s not your fault” #you’d be like girl what. i didn’t fucking say it was my fault but your mind sure jumped there fast 🤨 #“my mom died” “wow. do you feel terrible crippling shame for everything you’ve ever done wrong in your life? #up to and including causing your mom’s death? because that would be totally wrong if you did” #like how could that possibly be an appropriate response #genuinely i think the feeling that i was going completely insane post-being raped because no one would believe i didn’t blame myself #was like. solidly half as traumatic as the actual event #like. it is okay not to feel guilty and shameful. it’s great actually. you’re not having the wrong response.

[tsuchinokoroyale]

Happy new years… let’s stay hydrated together ✨

#I didn’t end up going to the rave just stayed in with my buddies and had KFC (( Korean fried chicken )) and laughed til we cried so #it was still a wonderful start to the new year 💞🥰💞 #but the fwb wanted pics of my potential rave look so I figured eh I brought the stuff anyways #and now I’m imagining locking eyes with a stranger on the warm and writhing dance floor #the beat thumps and shakes and rattles the air in our breath as the spotlights dance in the reflections of our held gaze #he pushes his way through the crowd with a singular stare and a wicked smile on his face #I smile and turn my back on him arching myself so he knows I am giving what he’s looking for #I take careful steps through the revelry toward the edge where the crowd thins out #I prop myself up on an available stool in a lonely corner of the club as he closes the distance between us #“now I wonder why you dragged me all the way here” he utters in a playful growl “trying to get far away from the crowd?” #I smile and I nod. “obviously. can’t really do what I want with you out there” #his eyes perk up and his smile gives away the desire building inside him. “yeah? why don’t you show me then.” #“I thought you’d never ask” I smirk. I reach down into my pants and pull out my phone #“so this one is blue. he’s the oldest but he’s sooooo sweet. and that’s Eva. my only girl she’s sassy but she loves swea-” he leaves #whaddahell I say demurely whimpering even… whaddahell… #gpoy

[piccolos-bigtoe]

HOLY SHIT GUYS!!!!!!! THE SEVENTH TF2 COMIC COVER DROPPED OH MY GOD AFTER ALL THESE YEARS????!!!!! It seems a little,,, different than the others??? I can’t place my tongue on it tho, LOL, if anyone can tell what it is lmk

I spent too stupid long of a time on this. Sniff sniff. I think I was possessed, I literally don’t remember anything besides starting and ending it…. Erm,, waiter!!!! More yaoi please!!! It’s been a long week 😁🍷🌈 oh my gif this is stupid THIS IS STUPID ITS NOT THAT FUNNY but I am losing my SHIT AT IT. Graphic design is my passion. I need to sleep.

Here’s an extra, and what it was based on. I literally do not remember saving that image on my phone, but I did at some point I guess because???? I don’t read yaoi. I am sorry for stealing the yaoi aesthetics </3. Okay. Goodnight, I am going to bed now. I hope you guys enjoy this one please like and subscribe and comment hell yeah

#tf2 #my art #team fortress 2 #tf2 fanart #tf2 sniper #tf2 scout #sniperscout #speeding bullet #TF2 SECRET SEVENTH COMIC?!?!?!?! #I shouldn’t have made this.. #also I figured out how to collapse my posts!!!!! #I thought tumblr collapsed them automatically I didn’t know I had to do it myself what the balls

[itsleslol]

why is abby anderson not real and in between my thighs right now?? this is homophobic

#lesbian #abby anderson #abby tlou #abby anderson smut #abby the last of us #actually creaming myself #fuck owen #he didn’t even know what to do with all that!! #i could treat her better

[3amsnek]

we will always be here.

happy pride <3

#trans pride #trans positivity #transgender #transgender pride #pride art #pride month #trans artist #lgbtqia #dragon #my art? #did some different/experimental stuff w this one largely bc I rly wanted to make it but Really didn’t want to do neat lines for the flag bc #pain #been trying to finish some form of it all month long :’/ finally got somewhere im ok with #meant to post it yesterday but then I decided it would actually be better if I just ignored the internet completely and made myself a #catboy wizard hat from an old flannel sheet instead #and I was right #gotta make ur own serotonin sometimes. a lot of the time #i rly don’t know what to caption this one. feels like I should Say something but words rly aren’t my strong suit especially ones that matter #but fellow trans ppl know that i am sending you so many virtual hugs even if I can only do it in tiny dragon form #we r going to be ok. somehow

[thefiresofpompeii]

i hope ruby gets a well-that’s-alright-then-style notdeath. on the one hand it will make haters mad because oh no not another companion with an impermanent end (and i like to see haters mad) on the other it would require creativity to depict this in a new way + i love all the implications i love the dark fairytale quality of these companion exits i love my un-undead schrodinger’s women

with the way the legend of ruby sunday is titled… legends aren’t usually told about living people. legends are stories of the bygone past, of an age long since over, fictionalised and overgrown with folklore like barnacles sticking to an abandoned shell. there is such a thing as a living legend, but they’re exceedingly rare. the unmistakeable raven’s call in the 73 yards teaser, the trailer’s cut to fifteen crying alone after promising to cherry he’d protect her daughter… the foreshadowing is clear as day…

and yet. there’s one massive HOWEVER. ruby appears in s15: millie’s been spotted on set filming it. which leads me to believe — the doctor isn’t one to take the time travel route and revisit companions that in his future are genuinely dead. that would hurt too much, it would cause unnecessary trauma and could break the timeline. that must mean ruby stays alive in some way. ish. she’s alive and a legend and a mystery. girl-ballad girl-song girl-paradox

here she is, fading out.

p.s.: thesis statement on moffatgirls from the tags i left on somebody else’s post about charley pollard.. well it belongs here since it’s basically the semiotic hurricane swirling around ruby at the moment :)

#on a personal level what interests me about these characters is precisely what gets them labeled as being subject to #misogynistic writing by pop-feminist video-essayists. as an autistic girl* (*ish) however; i find female characters that #aren’t quite ‘normal people’; women who represent an idea or concept or are a puzzle to be solved or a manic pixie dream girl to be #more and in a way far more interesting than a girl-next-door-type universally relatable protagonist #they make for more nuanced stories with more symbolism and more layers of interpretation usually. why should there be realism in a #fantastical narrative? similarly i like characters that are haunting the narrative or dead before it began (big locked tomb fan if you #didn’t know) and like. not to be tvtropes but the lost lenore archetype. dead woman who spurs the hero on to recklessness or revenge. #i identify with that dead girl. the laura palmers of the world. set the story in motion without #necessarily having agency. maybe it’s something to do with my #constant background radiation of passive suicidality. in a fun whimsical way :) i would never kill myself but i don’t want to be a real #person. i want to be objectified but not necessarily in a k*nky s*xual way (that too) in a princess in a tower way #the ultimate femme fantasy innit? there’s something about it. hashtag problematic hashtag conforming to gender roles #10000 tags be upon ye #ruby sunday #millie gibson #doctor who #dw #steven moffat #clara oswald #fifteen #fifteenth doctor #twelveclara #amy pond #charley pollard #river song #donna noble #ncuti gatwa #doctor who meta #jamie.txt #haunting

[ihearnocomplaints]

I point you all to my ko-fi page once more -> link

my parents, enraged that I didn’t sort a massive mound of clothes yesterday (after doing the other chores they asked), essentially decided they are going to start charging me rent.

So this is just in preparation for that moment when they do start asking. I’m still trying to save up to move out. It’s not a huge deal yet (idk how much they’re going to charge) so there’s no pressure to donate.

I work a full time job so I can’t really give much in return. But I can take doodle requests upon proof of donation! I’ll doodle any DCA you want.

Thanks.

#Idk what to tag this #i’m just so tired. #i’m just tired of my parents putting so much pressure on me #like 1) I did the chores they asked of me #2) The only one i didn’t do was because it was literally an overwhelming amount of clothes. The entire fucking laundry room is filled to the #brim with clothes. Literally you cannot walk in there without strpping on some #that’s 6 people’s clothes. Not even most of mine because I actually do my own laundry. other than the ones that get mixed in with the others #and they wanted me sort them. by myself. #I’m autistic and a massiver germaphobe and they wanted me to sort their grimey fucking clothes. #And when I don’t do it? call me useless and lazy #and then i fel insane because maybe i am just lazy and i should do more because they let me live here for free #sometimes i feel in the wrong. maybe i am in the wrong. maybe i should just suck it up and deal with it instead of complaining #I don’t know. I’m scared. I’m so scared #I don’t have anything to fall back on. I don’t have my own car. I have nothing.

[magnus-rhymes-with-swagness]

okay to preface i am Very Excited for the movie and it looks really good so far, but i have to admit i’m not entirely sure i like the way they’re characterizing ballister? i appreciate how they seem to be tapping into a softer, more vulnerable side of him (showing him out of his armor, giving him a run-down lab, adding huge eyes to his design, etc), but tbh it seems to be just a tiny bit much? like he looks terrified in so many of the images we’ve seen so far, but the guy is quite literally a professional supervillian. and a knight. he knows his way around a battlefield, he wouldn’t be terrified by swords or a bit of fire. i’m just hoping they won’t babygirlify him too much you know?

(that being said i’m definitely still excited to see what they do with him! despite my qualms this is going to be a good movie y’all)

#nimona #nimona netflix #nimona 2023 #nd stevenson #ballister blackheart #i have no idea what tags y’all use but anyway yeah #don’t get me wrong i absolutely cannot wait for june 30th #but at the same time i do have. some worries #i’ll shove the rest of my qualms into a box and lock it for the time being tho bc i do want to enjoy the excitement! #my words #edit i made this post before realizing the trailer had come out #point still stands but for context i didn’t know they’d changed the plot to make him a framed villain instead of a professional one #edit 2 HA proved myself wrong. his characterization is fantastic and i love it #stop liking this 😭

[the-meme-monarch]

christmas has always kinda made me feel awkward and bad for different reasons but now it’s just “the day before my cat died”. the entire month of december is just “remember when your cat died?” “hey it’s your sibling’s birthday :]” “remember when your cat died?.” “merry christmas. tomorrow is the anniversary of when your cat died.” “good morning it’s the anniversary of when your cat died.”

#i know she was old. i know she didn’t have much longer. i don’t blame myself. i just wish I didn’t remember what day it was. #i don’t remember what day or month it was when we found clawdya dead. i don’t know what day phantom died. i just remember it was july #it’s easier to. not think about them when I don’t remember when it was. #but i watched arctic die the morning after christmas. #i don’t. really. want any more pets in my life. because I keep looking at tawny and copper and rusty and thinking. #about how one day they’re going to die. and I’ll have to watch. and I don’t want to do that again. #i have to take care of them and watch them grow old and watch them die. and wake up every morning between and after. and I don’t like it. #behead the monarch

[grenadine-blood]

every time i think about rote, my heart rate skyrockets and i feel like i could projectile vomit (positive)

#realm of the elderlings #rote #figposting #roteposting #i haven’t even finished it but every time i think of the series at large i start to sweat #i should’ve saved these books until i was so old that i feasibly didn’t have to expect to read another series again #rote is a finisher not an opener #i fear that once it’s over i won’t know what to do with myself

[threefuckencrowsinatrenchcoat]

Hi ppl who are nosy and want to know ur grades so they can judge how smart u are are annoying as fuck

#this is ab a guy from my math class who just texted me #I’ve never even spoken to him before he just asked what I’m averaging in that class #I didn’t tell him cuz I’m honestly not doing as well as I want to be and it’s a super competitive class #and so he starts asking ab all my extracurriculars #and the programs I’m applying to #and I’ve been so stressed over this because I don’t even know myself #so I don’t want some random fucking stranger interrogating me #and he goes ‘most people in the class are failing’ cuz only one person is averaging 100 #‘the smartest guy in the class is only averaging 98’ well clearly he’s not the smartest but also 98 is amazing and I wish I had that #I’m going to punch him when I see him tmr get the hell out of my dms bro #vent post #mathblr #mathematics #math #grades #school #high school #irritating

[the-casbah-way]

i never ever cry in front of anyone ever but there was this boy i was OBSESSED with in primary school when i was like seven years old because he was the fastest boy in the class and he had cool spiky hair and i always thought it was a crush until i came out and realised it was gender envy of some form and today my friend out of the blue told me that i look like him and we looked at his instagram together and i actually do. i look almost exactly like him. and i cried like an absolute wanker because i’ve been so miserable my whole life being perceived entirely the wrong way and i went home today and looked at myself and realised i look like the boy i always wanted to be when i was a kid. and whenever i feel bad about myself i get to remind myself that i look like him so i shouldn’t feel bad because back then i couldn’t have ever dreamed of getting to look like this. and t will only make it better and even though the idea of starting it is still so scary to me i keep having moments like this that make me realise how good it’s going to be even if some of it will suck. i always focus on all of the ways my transition has gone and will go wrong and i forget that it’s going to go right in a lot of ways too

#i remember what this boy looked like when he started getting spots and what he sounded like when his voice started breaking #and it makes me so excited even for the parts of t that everyone says are ‘bad’ #my identity is so much more binary than i tell myself it is. i play it down because being a fully binary Guy who wants to be purely masc is #a lot harder to break to my mother who is devastated even at the thought of me being a masculine woman #i’ve been pretending for a while that i’m more ‘in the middle’ than i really am because of that #but moments like this always remind me that i know exactly what i want to be and what i want to look like #and it’s the exact opposite of everything my mother wants me to be #this shit is going to be Hard. and i don’t expect my mother will stick around the further into my transition i get #which is so unbearable to me that i try not to think about it. i just can’t go back into the closet even for her #i was trying to force myself to do that before xmas and that’s what made me attempt and end up coming out to her #but i didn’t tell the full truth i just said i hate being feminine and i hate being a girl #i couldn’t bring myself to say the rest and i don’t know if i’ll ever say any of it to her #i wish i had a therapist so i could talk about all this as i’m working through the beginning of transition but. oh well

[simgerale]

me after attempting to get back into sims and realizing i had a lot more to do than play the game

#hi everyone #I’m going around hugging you all #okay now that we are gathered here today #i will simply acknowledge that i have been gone for a very long time and then also acknowledge that maybe it was for the best #i relied on sims to be my only creative activity even if i tried to write a book at the same time #and also. i prioritized sims over real life responsibilities. that’s just a deadly combination lol #but I recently noticed I just replaced sims with Netflix. with YouTube. with anything that gave me quick dopamine #literally became addicted in a sense. still am but I’ve been cut cold turkey from most everything #I get off work and go. okay I’ve done the dishes and the laundry……..I could read or write or bake…. #I try to write and sometimes i get a good hour #then I read for a few hours and then get tired of it #and I made cookies Tuesday so I’m waiting for those to be gone before baking again #I’m just so pitiful that I feel BORED and don’t know what to do #so I said….. okay what if I do sims for an hour. #I downloaded some new cc Tuesday and tried to play yesterday #y’all ……………….. I can’t find the energy anymore to set up elaborate scenes and pose my sims and plan posts #I said wow… this is boring without my intervention and fake story #I said wow…….. all this for what? for tumblr? yes I created cool things and provided joy. but is that inherintly important compared to my #own joy? my own everyday activities I should be doing? #y’all I do not leave the house unless we got out to eat or shop or travel to our parents #.. I have little desire to. I’m trying to find that desire #but my husband is busy with grad school and work and I don’t want to do anything by myself #I’ve found myself in one heck of a slump #I didn’t want to be human for awhile. just had no desires no interests no ambitions #I was slacking off SO HARD at work. I just had no drive to do well #I’m still working on it. I’m still trying to get caught up. I’m still trying to force myself to move every day. #but I am struggling y’all. and I can tell you that sims… sims isn’t helping rn but I want it to so bad. I want to get back into it #I didn’t mean to disappear on everyone. I got married and then life got busy and then I fell into this hole of nothing #I didn’t even WANT to crawl my way out. but my husband has helped a lot. I feel like such a child!!!! #I reached max tags. 🙃 bye love you all. till next time

[euphoricfilter]

guys… find yourself someone that is willing to listen to your 5 hour long kpop playlist

#i know this mf didn’t think it would be that long #when he messaged me saying he was still waiting for my favourite k-pop album #i did say love yourself tear was probably my fav bts album #and then also sent all my fav k-pop songs 🧍🏻‍♀️ #he gets the vibe though and if this isn’t enough to put him off then i think i’m doing something right #guys what if this is my time… #now i’m scaring myself :D

[lokiusly]

ok but when will Loki and Mobius have their “you give me cookie got you cookie” moment?

#what do you want from me??? I didn’t know what to get you!!! I don’t know!!! you love me too much!! and you picked the wrong person!! when— #PLOT TWIST— what if they had that moment already??? did they??? I probably forgot or need to analyze the scenes again #GOD WILL I HAVR TO WRITE IT MYSELF?? I have so much to do for school but yeah probably !!! I must write it #Mobius 3.14 birthday prompt hmmmm #lokius #mobius #loki season 2 #loki show #loki x mobius #loki spoilers #mobius m mobius #mcu loki #loki laufeyson #loki #mobius and loki #loki series #owen wilson #tom hiddleston #marvel #loki odinson #wowki #loki season two #mcu #loki s2 #loki and mobius #lokiedit #loki marvel #mobius m. mobius #lokius au #loki god of mischief