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#and I do love being a girl but only in the context of being gay
honeyedheartss · 9 months
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trapped in my endless cycle of books about groups of boys who are way too close and violent to each other but would kill for each other and stand for them at all odds
and it's.... lays on the ground... I am mostly comfortable in my gender presentation about half the time but.... I want to be loved by a boy the way boys love boys not in a het or even t4t way....
do u all know what I mean..
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orcelito · 1 year
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I'm building up a rapport with the newest trans coworker. He's been here for a month or two now and he's pretty cool. Definitely in his sadboy era (judging by the music he listens to, which is SO me at age 20 ish. So like mood). Quiet, but with a wry sense of humor that's been coming out more lately.
I am very definitely out as Not Straight & he has seen this pretty clearly. Also since I'm in management I saw his birth certificate as part of paperwork stuff, so like. He's never upfront told me, but I know he's trans. I've never breathed a word of it to anyone, even to him tbh, so I hope he reads that as a good indicator that I'm Chill
I was complaining yesterday about how heavy the ginger juice was and he was just like "..Gender juice?" As in he misheard me and was genuinely confused what I was talking about. And I was just like. "Oh yeah. Gender Juice. Ya kno." Idk just one of those stupid things that purely cis ppl wouldn't joke about. So I rly hope he's getting not cis vibes from me. Bc I am not out as nonbinary at work bc Oof but like. We r Brothers, him and I. Maybe someday I can mention it. Idk
#speculation nation#like i can imagine him being nervous at me asking to see his birth certificate#it's part of identity verification and whatever. kinda stupid but Legality stuff. it's a business.#him handing me this paper that says Female. and me glancing at it like. Noted. but not saying it. and just passing it back.#if we were alone maybe i wouldve asked but we were out in the store lobby with other ppl around. of course i wasnt gonna say anything.#a few days later tho on his first shift. i kinda Subtly asked him?? but not outright#his name is kinda gender neutral in its full form. but for his training sheet i asked 'so do you want me to write it as [nickname] or...?'#the nickname being a shortened masculine form of the name. which i heard co assistant manager use but i wanted to make sure#and in that question was kinda the like. Very subtle. 'i know it said female on ur thing but say ur male & thats what we'll respect here'#i honestly feel rly glad for this guy that hes got me (y'all know) and now manager in training is also bi#it's honestly a really gay store lmfao. i really love it.#the owner isnt so great at respecting trans ppl. not in a purposeful disrespect way. he just does not get it.#messes up on pronouns like. All The Time if he knows someone is trans. he's never said anything transphobic. hes just kinda clueless#but he hasnt messed up on this guy's pronouns at all bc we havent told him ❤#literally irrelevant. we've dealt with the paperwork and took care of it all. so as far as i know only me and her know about it#to the point where during the xmas party he was the only guy in attendance and smth about dicks came up#and one of the girls joked about how he looked a lil nervous in the like. 'oh no dont threaten my dick' kind of way#i cannot give proper context bc i honestly do not remember it. but it wasnt meanspirited or anything#it was in the way of her acknowledging him as a guy in that cisnormative way of assuming The Guy that is present#will of course be the one with the dick#and i didnt say anything about it then either. but i do hope it was a nice gender affirmation moment for him#that she so thoroughly thinks of him as a guy that she assumes he'd have everything that most guys do. if that makes sense.#she's a nice person so im sure if she did know he was trans she'd be chill with it. but ultimately she doesnt need to know.#i probably wouldve picked up signs of him being trans myself. but also. i am trans.#so i know the subtle kind of signs that cis ppl dont necessarily know.#so i clocked it. and i confirmed it with the birth certificate. but i have not told Anyone#i do wanna talk about it with him. someday#today we ended up talking about covid at one point & i mentioned how i got it at the start of june.#and i lamented it being the start of pride month & how homophobic it was#and he was just like. full understanding. idk i love the solidarity. gotta talk to him more about this sometime.
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universalsatan · 2 years
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can’t tell if i’m confusing wanting to look like almost stereotypically macho men or just being wildly attracted to them. or both i guess
#i mean i always used to say bi dilemma but im realizing this is mostly just gay now godbless. trans rights#for context. im thinking like. young harrison ford (i Know.; the reason im saying this is i remember Both my mom and dad acknowledging him#as the og Macho Man™️) and because it crossed my dash. jackles. but not really young jackles like s1 dean but matured jackles like more rece#it’s funny cause in practice. the person ive been pursuing (while Also an idiot. maybe i should just accept myself as morosexual at this#point) is actually. very effeminate HAHAHDHAHSJDHSJ#to the extent that my mom has thought he was gay in the past. i was talking about him to my sister and she asked if he was gay LMAO#which is hilarious because as far as i know (and ive known him for… almost 6 years ig? pined for almost 5). i’m Only aware that hes had a#crush on a girl ages ago. but this was also thru a secondhand source we’ve never actually talked about that#we probably should but we’re both idiots i have no idea how it’d be brought up#but in terms of effeminate. hm. he’s actually Really tall maybe over 6ft? and he Can have a deep voice. i think he can sing bass? but he#actually speaks in a higher register. god i wonder if he’s doing the opposite of me. who’s always consciously deepend my voice LMAO#he’s a HUGE plant enthusiast. HUGE. i dont Think he’s ND (or at least he doesn’t from what i can tell. I get vibes) but he straight up has a#plant fixation. knows so much about care. when he worked in greenhouses he learned the latin names for a good portion of them. i know this#isnt exactly ‘effeminate’ but he does all the gardening. oh and to add to it ig. i dont know HOW. he was NOT. irked by gore and blood???#when i explained to him what my potential job as a crime scene cleaner could entail??? but he cannot STAND bugs. he FREAJED OUT (over text)#at the mention of a spider. so of course. me being the 8yo boy with a playground crush. proceeded to tell him all my Fun Spider Encounters#lets see i think he also really loves to bake? ive seen these elaborate cakes (tp roll for covid. a fish) he’s made on insta. and there was#that one time he brought me those three most MOIST chocolate cupcakes with raspberry buttercream icing. i deadass ASCENDED to heaven.#food IS the way to a man’s heart btw.#oh yeah and the fact that i met him in the first place — well. i play oboe in ensembles. and he’s flute/piccolo. yeaHAHSHAHSHH#LMAO remembering that while he doesnt keysmash (i’ve started to around him. it’s mostly emojis bless his heart) he deadass called me ‘hun’#oh and the best part? i couldnt think kf what to watch. and he’s over here saying he doesnt watch ANYTHING. like bro how do u NOT. listen to#any music past 1900. OR OPERA EITHER. and NOT have any favorite movies/shows??? wh??? like. he deadass was like ‘unless [gardening channel#on youtube] counts’ like girl i am so in love#but yeah i was literally sitting there sounding like a pretentious film nerd bro i cant fuckin believe it. but i FINALLY wriggle it out of#him. because apparently he cant concentrate on most movies (valid.). the ones he CAN are cheesy chick flick comedies#saying that he can recite 90% of mean girls. thats his favorite movie#and he also mentioned like. legally blonde#and i have a feeling he almost was avoiding it in case i would judge him or whatever but ngl i honestly fell harder HAHSHSJAJDJAJ#fuck 30 tags but let’s just say. very effeminate compared to me. a full on Dad
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picturebird · 1 month
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Some Asexual/Aromantic Reminders for Fandom
1. There is no justification for thinking “I like this character better when they’re not aro/ ace.”
Aces/aros aren’t better when they’re allos.
Gays aren’t better when they’re straight.
What that really says: “I don’t like asexuality. I don’t like aromantics.” No matter how you dress it up.
I feel like I shouldn’t have to explain why this is wrong. No character is better when you make them less special.
2. Saying “asexuals can have sex” is a huge oversimplification. When aces have sex it doesn’t make them allosexual, they don’t feel the same things. It doesn’t mean they even enjoy sex. It doesn’t mean they can have sex with a partner. It doesn’t mean they can do it more than once. And it doesn’t mean they have “fixed” themselves and can now love properly.
When bisexuals have sex with someone of the opposite gender it doesn’t make them straight. It doesn’t mean they “fixed” their homosexuality.
3. Erasure can happen in cannon and head cannon. You don’t have to be a professional to participate in it. When social media is flooded with images of an asexual character in sexual situations with no acknowledgement of asexuality, it’s impossible to see the asexuality through it. Maybe it’s not erased, it’s buried in an avalanche.
4. I can name five canonical Aro or Ace characters. The rest are allosexual. In every movie, book, tv show, and comic that’s ever been written. Throughout all of time.
Sherlock Holmes (original novels) who is constantly paired non platonically with Irene Adler or John Watson in his incarnations. No hate on those ships, just pointing out an example.
SpongeBob SquarePants who is asexual because real life sea sponges are asexual.
Rafael Santiago (Shadowhunter Chronicles) who was portrayed in the books as cold and indifferent to people’s feelings.
Isaac (Heartstopper) whose entire story is about being Asexual.
Alastor (Hazbin Hotel) who actually has a personality, a backstory, goals outside of being accepted as asexual, a dynamic story arc, and complex relationships with friends/enemies that are actually fun to watch. Honestly the best ace/aro rep I’ve ever seen: a guy with no interest in sex who actually has a sense of humor!
When the ratio is a million: 5, it’s not ridiculous for aces and aros to ask people to ship someone else as allosexual. Literally anyone else. This can’t possibly be the only option.
5. Creators have a history of not defending asexual/aromantic characters. They don’t fight to make sure people respect their sexuality. It’s always better for business and social media trends to encourage shipping. Sex sells. Romance too. They may be the authority on a character, that doesn’t mean they’re an authority on aces/aros.
6. You can’t show a visual of someone being asexual or aromantic. Not in the same way you can show two girls kissing or men getting married. You can show platonic relationships, but that doesn’t prove the absence of attraction. All fan art with ace/aro people requires context. It’s not hard to scribble a note here or put in a tag or something. It’s also super sweet to see in a post.
7. Shipping and fandom should be about fun. Fun for everyone. Ship freely and kindly.
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homoeroticbetrayal · 1 year
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Iconic Homoerotic Betrayal: Finals
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Poll Directory
Context:
Anthy/Utena
Summarized by Anonymous Contributor
THE blueprint for homoerotic betrayals of the canonically gay (as opposed to interpretive, certainly there are older iconic examples for that) variety. listed as #2 in the infamous top ten anime betrayals video, iirc.
it is about akio pushing anthy to utena. it is about utena’s protective stance, misunderstanding. most of all, it is about anthy kissing utena’s shoulder before stabbing her.
the story has been leading us to this the whole time — utena assuming once again the protective princely position; akio, always playing divide and conquer, unable to manipulate utena to betray anthy, now reliant on anthy betraying utena; the game being rigged from the start, true victory impossible (for the duelists, who will always lose the game proper to akio, the rule maker, in one way or another; for akio himself, just as obviously); utena’s love for anthy within the princely stance; anthy’s love for utena and anthy’s fear (of the world beyond; of utena loving her truly; of utena not loving her truly but just projecting onto her still as any prince does, and turning out to be the same (as akio) in the end) and akio (framing himself) as the only one who will love her no matter what because friends turn away from you and only connections by blood are forever, the two of them are the only ones who’s real in this projected world, so on and so forth, and anthy’s bitterness towards utena (“do you know, utena-sama, how i always despised you” from that one “in the next episode” bit) and her princeliness and her being not that impossibly unlike akio (all princes are the same). everything has lead us to this moment. and yet we are shocked.
personally, i’ve never moved on from how she kisses her shoulder.
See a whole dissertation on Utenanthy here
Judas/Jesus
Summary by @this-is-a-name-dont-worry
We of course have Judas betraying Jesus, with a kiss like a last goodbye, maybe a mockery of their love, maybe a grieving goodbye. In the end it doesn't matter, because Judas would rather hang himself than to keep going. The money was unspent or returned, a change of heart from regret, or maybe a sign it was never about it
But the betrayal is also from Jesus; Jesus, who knew who Judas was, who knew what he'll do. Jesus who still let Judas be an apostle... an act of love, but also, isn't it so cruel to make it look like there was a choice, a chance at another ending for Judas? This is a story where it being a story is part of it, and the writer inserted himself among the characters, and doomed one of them to eternal hatred from everyone. And he dared let the one who will be doomed think he'll ever be saved. Jesus knew what would happen, knew what Judas would do, yet he still let it happen, because the story is more important. After all, at the Last Supper, isn't it Jesus who tell Judas to go and do what he must do?
Judas betrayed Jesus, but Jesus sacrificed them both
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justlikeeddie · 4 months
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all of layton and nikita's strictly dances ranked CORRECTLY by ME
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14. Samba, Week 1
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unfair to have to rank this one really because nobody really knows what they’re doing in week 1. FASCINATING to go back and watch this though. obvs this is strong in the context of a first week dance! but knowing where they’re going to go from here… this is the one and only time you can see that nikita is dancing layton through the steps and keeping him afloat. they’re not yet a PARTNERSHIP here. they don’t KNOW each other!!! anyway good luck to these boys with navigating what they are going to experience over the next three months <3
13. American Smooth, Week 10
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the infamous bottom-two dance. a result which i believe was undeserved!!! but the american smooth IS the most boring category on strictly unfortunately, so it’s a humble placing for this one. i did not love their outfits, for once! why don’t they go together. why does nikita look like peter pan. however, obviously i liked it when they both picked each other up and did a little skip in the air. also enjoyed how much craig enjoyed being bammed up by the ending.
12. Rumba, Week 12
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controversial to place this so low in the ranking perhaps?? obviously this was a complex routine that they performed beautifully AND was very tender and intimate. but the rumba is the second most boring dance on strictly after the american smooth i’m afraid I’M SORRY. however, points awarded for nikita saying afterwards that dancing this felt like the rest of the world fell away and they were the only two people in existence. girl what
11. Salsa, Week 5
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a great dance! fun! good vibes! their first lift! followed by a bit that i like where nikita has to sort of kick layton upright again. loses points ONLY for being perhaps their least homoerotic dance, which one of them, i guess, has to be.
10. Tango, Week 6
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all the ingredients for greatness are here. TANGO. HALLOWEEN. layton is in high goth drag. nikita looks a bit like paul gross as geoffrey tennant as hamlet in the flashback sections of slings and arrows s1. but weirdly i don’t think this dance quite lives up to the level of drama i expected from it. having just rewatched it i think it’s because they’re ACTING like it’s a MELODRAMA, and it FEELS like they’re acting, as opposed to the way they usually totally inhabit the narrative of a dance. however. the switch from this vibe into the denouement - the BACKFLIP (fuck!!!) - and then the breathy, drawn-out final moment, which they suddenly ARE inhabiting, braced over each other and staring into each other’s eyes like they are ON GOD going to fuck in the middle of the dancefloor, is astonishing. once again i am asking the bbc if this is what they thought they were going to air
9. Cha-cha-cha, Week 4
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okay. we are entering the section of the list where everything from here on down pretty much makes me feral. layton is everything in that jumpsuit. the THROW into the SPLITS. the raw sexual dynamism somehow contained within nikita taking layton’s coat for him. unbearable.
8. Charleston, Week 12
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off the charts crazy. how can people move like this. they CARTWHEELED across the STAGE for what felt like YEARS. points only deducted for the fact that when nikita cried in the interview afterwards because he loved layton so much he had to do it in this extremely silly outfit.
7. Quickstep, Week 2
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they danced the equivalent of a gay leyendecker illustration in week 2. IN WEEK 2 THEY DID THIS. they’re having so much FUN here. and to follow up on the week 1 ranking, the transformation from them feeling like a professional and a celeb to two people actually dancing together happens SO fast. it’s only a week later, but already something’s changed; layton’s totally at home in the routine and nikita’s REALLY enjoying it. it’s just so nice and i love them so much :’) also the quickstep is one of my favourite strictly dances because it’s inherently funny watching grown adults run full-pelt around a room and occasionally do a little skip. perfect 90 seconds of television.
6. Viennese Waltz, Week 3
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ok so this is actually one of their lowest scoring dances on the show. but NOT according to my ranking. this ought to feel as faux-dramatic as the vampire tango but it doesn’t. something is HAPPENING between them in this dance and it’s real. i could write paragraphs about the eternities contained within the long, long seconds of them holding each other after it’s over, which goes on for long enough that the editor just has to like. give up and cut away from them. i’ve been linking to the bbc’s youtube clips throughout this post, but if you have access to iplayer i strongly recommend you watch this dance as aired (i have linked to the timestamp for your convenience) in order to see the full effect of this ending. there’s something about the combination of… the sincerity of the dance. the gender of it all. the refusal to break character. nikita’s slightly baffled-looking parents in the audience lending whatever the fuck is going on here a bizarre frisson. i’m completely obsessed with it
5. Jive, Week 7
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the first thirty seconds of this dance genuinely make me feel like i’m coming up. overwhelming transition from the sexy sexy opening section (why are they dressed as little sailor boys? why are they touching like that?) into the supercharged beat of the side-by-side. people pay good money to feel like this. as has been pointed out, the jive is not a traditionally racy dance, and my question to nikita as choreographer is: why
4. Showdance, Week 13
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cunt. cunt. cunt. cunt. the absolute fucking serve of the matching slutty magician elbow-length gloves. nikita dropping his hat while layton executes everything perfectly. obviously in the finale, homophobia won <3 but my god. they ATE. no notes.
3. Paso Doble, Week 11
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i have said this before. but dancing to BACKSTAGE ROMANCE. in a show where i (facetiously) believe they may be experiencing a BACKSTAGE ROMANCE. seems illegal. anyway. this dance is insane. almost worth them being in the bottom two in week 10 in order for them to produce the unbridled energy of this comeback. as a category the paso doble has similarly melodramatic energy to the tango, but this performance is so unlike the slightly campy vampire number; they’re IN it, they’re living and feeling and breathing every moment. something about the mood of this dance, the power dynamics of it, nikita on the floor looking up at layton in awe as he emerges at his absolute fucking fiercest - happening in THIS week, rising above the stress of relegation and the overwhelming tide of online hate, is, like, pretty incredible, tbh. also the series of searingly erotic snapshot poses at the beginning of this routine are among the worst things i have been subjected to on this show, and as you may be gathering from this list, this is a crowded category.
2. Argentine Tango, Week 8
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god it was a TOUGH GODDAMN CALL on these top two places. and tbh i think this is actually, truly, their best dance. the sheer SKILL here… whatever the move is where layton has to jump in the air and kick his little leggies around… stunning. i don’t really have a comical paragraph to write about this because i genuinely think it’s an incredible piece of dance and there’s not much more to add to that. however, extra points for the truly unhinged decision to do some dom nikita roleplay at the end? again, please watch this one on iplayer to experience the full unedited effect.
1. Couple’s Choice, Week 9
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as i say. probably, technically, the argentine tango is better. but if i think about any element of this routine, i immediately black out. i cannot stress enough that he is standing on his back. he is STANDING. on his BACK. nikita choreographed this dance and he was like. i want you to stand on my back. PLEASE don’t worry about it. watching this routine is like looking into the sun. if i saw two men doing this in the club i would have to politely turn away to respect their privacy. also sorry to do this for a final time but i also need you to watch this one on iplayer because nikita stays on that pole at the end for so much longer than you are expecting and then does something sooooo unnecessary. this dance should be expunged from the internet so that i never have to contemplate it again.
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smytherines · 1 month
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The wild thing about SAF is that it's a comedy spy parody musical from eight years ago, but people (including me) really have the most elaborate headcanons for these characters and are so invested in them, because they're not Good Representation for Fine Upstanding LGBTQ+ Youths, it's compelling representation for weird messy queer people.
Like I don't know if I'm expressing this well, but we're only able to have this kind of weird deep conversation about the meanings behind the gay comedy spy parody musical because these aren't sanitized characters.
One of them does absolutely nothing wrong to deserve the massively horrible thing that happens to him, gets hurt by the man he loves, gets abandoned. But he also tortures and kills people. He's canonically the villain, but he's sympathetic.
The other one is kind of an asshole- cocky, careless, jealous, petty. He fucks up big time, but he's also an ADHD himbo who is lovable in ways you can't describe. He's canonically the hero, but there's very much an "Oh, sweetie" vibe to him
And SAF succeeds at having such interesting representation because while the Big Reveal is meant to be a surprise at the end of the show, they layered it in from the opening minutes of the show.
It isn't BUT THEY'RE GAY HAHA, it's relying on our understanding of the rules of the spy genre to tell a surprisingly meaningful story. Mary Kate sings it right at the beginning- it's time to get the girl again. The reveal works because it plays against what you know, what you expect from this genre, so wonderfully.
And it also isn't Here Are Two Flawless Gays Please Do You Like Them?? It isn't PR. It isn't representation for the sake of representation. Being gay is not the only thing we know about them. And because the reveal doesn't happen until the end, it's arguably not even the most important thing we know about them.
It's just two kinda fucked up guys who might have been great together, but who lived in an era and especially worked in a profession where they had little realistic prospect of making anything work in the long term.
Who probably had a lot of shit on their shoulders from having to hide who they are their entire lives, growing up in wartime, and maybe even being neurodivergent. There's so much room to use our knowledge of the real world during this time period to flesh out these characters in a way the musical just doesn't have time to do.
And once you rewatch the show with the context of the Big Gay Reveal, it actually colors in a lot of those traits and interactions in subtle and interesting ways.
And especially knowing that this came out eight years ago, and was created by a tiny little independent theatre company, it's just... thanks, Tin Can Bros. I like your messy gays
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i think i've said this before but i want to elaborate on it. i genuinely feel like the spop crew wrote c//a as some sort of torture p*rn. they know that people usually find an enemies to lovers arc sexy and intriguing. but the problem with c//a was that their fights were never equal. i don't know about y'all but when i think of enemies to lovers, i think of a dynamic where both individuals are at least somewhat on equal footing. i don't think about a relationship with a huge power dynamic where one of the characters is helpless and weak while the other takes every opportunity to torture them.
adora never tried to harm catra apart from self-defense, she always held back when she was fighting catra. she tried to reason with catra or just hold her off. meanwhile catra never held back on hurting adora. not once.
and all of this is framed as “hot”. it's framed as “sexual tension”. it's framed as “gay pining”, even though it's not. not to mention, most of the “homoerotic” fight scenes are where adora is either weak or helpless in some way. she's either restrained or too scared to fight back or actively stopping herself from injuring catra. and catra takes advantage of her kindness.
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so what's the torture p*rn part of this? well. torture p*rn is basically a trope where a person (or multiple people being tortured) is the main attraction of the plot. c//a is supposed to be enemies to lovers, meaning they should be fighting equally, right? especially since adora is stronger and the “chosen one”, you'd think she'd definitely be defeating catra a lot more.
but no, most of their conflict is catra taking joy in harming adora. these scenes are framed in a more “intimate” way, with catra often touching adora without consent, saying vaguely flirtatious yet threatening one-liners and overall fueling the whole “sexual tension” part.
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just take a look at these scenes. i can't completely blame the fandom for thinking these are sexy or erotic because they are framed that way. the crew themselves have admitted that c//a were supposed to have some sexual tension (despite being teenagers for at least two seasons, mind you) and it shows. adora may look scared or uncomfortable but it doesn't matter because the writers wants us to think that this is hot.
villains being creepy and borderline perverted is not a new thing, it's something that mainly came with queer-coding villains. but people often only do this to villains who are supposed to stay villains. and especially with the context that catra supposedly “loved” adora during all this, it just adds another layer of discomfort. it just feels like catra is taking the opportunity to not only hurt adora but also make her deeply uncomfortable by touching and interacting with her in a way that she did not consent to.
keep in mind that whenever adora has the upper hand, the show never frames their fights as homoerotic or weirdly intimate.
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most of the time, she uses long range attack or she just goes on defense. the one time she attacked catra head on, she just decks catra in the face and is done with it. she doesn't cross catra's boundaries, she doesn't act flirtatious or touch catra inappropriately. the only scene where she can be described as “flirtatious” (though i would say she was just being smug) was when she wasn't attacking catra, but instead destroying one of entrapta's robots.
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(and of course with no remorse, catra orders entrapta to activate the self-destruct on the robot so that adora could be blown to bits.)
so yeah. just because catra is a villain doesn't mean she has to be a creep. if the goal was to make her sexy (which is still weird since she was a teenager but regardless), there are other ways. there have been plenty of villains who are attractive and have a charming personality without being a total creep to the protagonists. for example, azula from ATLA is widely known as a queer awakening for many young girls because of how attractive she was (i know she was also a teenager. these are not my words, i'm just quoting the general public). and yet, you never see azula being creepily intimate with any of the protagonists. she often used long-range attack and she only goes as far as using some condescending language. it's just weird to write a villain who we should sympathize with, but then also make them a total creep.
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1: Magic is a Metaphor < 2: Morgana is a Lesbian < 3: Merlin is Gay > 4: Arthur is Bi
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Again with the whole metaphor thing, Merlin's entire character is about having to hide his identity and wishing that he could be free to be himself so that he wouldn't have to lie about how much Arthur means to him. So that's all very gay, but he's also just very queer-coded generally. There are so many jokes about him being more effeminate or wearing women's clothing, most notably in this episode where he dresses in full drag and then takes the opportunity to shamelessly flirt with Arthur. Unhinged.
Basically every other character seems to just assume that he's gay, at least towards the end, because Gaius and Arthur are in utter disbelief that Merlin would be 'seeing a girl'. And of course he isn't, he's actually sneaking around with that druid guy, leading Arthur to question how courting a girl would leave him 'walking with a limp.'
I also think it's very interesting how often Merlin has to pretend to be attracted to women to avoid people discovering his secret, like with Gwen in Series 1 or Morgana in Series 2. Or this scene, where Gwen and Merlin are the only people not affected by the Lamia's seduction charm and they're trying to figure out why. And Merlin says, 'it doesn't affect you because you're a woman'. And firstly, Gwen is like, 'so what?' So, bisexual queen. And then Merlin says, "it only affects men," and Gwen says, "so then why haven't you fallen under her spell?" And Merlin is just like, 'oh shit, I don't know. I can't think of any reason why I wouldn't be seduced by a woman.'
Now, you might be saying, "but Merlin is attracted to women! what about that one female love interest he had for literally one episode who immediately died?" Oh, you mean:
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I'm sorry to all of the Freylin shippers out there, but this was so clearly just the writers' last-ditch attempt to make Merlin straight. If you think about it, Freya also 'has magic' if you catch my drift, and that is the only thing that she and Merlin have in common, and the only thing that they talk about. And if you look at their dialogue out of context, it really doesn't seem like it's magic that they're talking about. It's just gay/lesbian solidarity. Also, never forget when Colin Morgan accidentally referred to Merlin's potential love interests as "him or her." So who else could he have been thinking of?
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Merlin definitely had a crush on Lancelot. From the moment that they first meet, he just keeps going on about, 'omg, isn't Lancelot so strong and brave and chivalrous? God, I hope he becomes a knight, he would look so good in a suit of armour.' And then he says to Gwen, completely unprompted, "so just for the sake of argument– Arthur or Lancelot?" Why are you thinking about that Merlin? Then that scene ends with Merlin and Lancelot getting drunk and stumbling home together and waking up the next morning having shared Merlin's single bed. So take from that what you will. I don't necessarily think that anything happened between them, not because I think Lancelot is straight, don't get it twisted, just because I think he's a fucking virgin.
But certified pansexual manwhore Gwaine on the other hand, oh they definitely fucked. And it's a very similar situation to Lancelot, Merlin's only flirting technique is just to find some buff guy who's just saved his life and be like, 'oh my god what can I possibly do to repay you? Maybe you could come back to my place and I could tend to your wounds and then we could go down to the tavern, have a few drinks'.
And it works. Merlin literally used his job as apprentice physician to the Knights of the Round Table as his own personal Grindr, and i love that for him. But, of course, these are just side hoes to Merlin's main bitch, Arthur.
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You can deny everything else that I've said, but you cannot deny that Merlin was in love with Arthur. And don't even try to say, 'but it's just because it was his destiny'. Because, yeah, like that's any less gay. They're two sides of the same coin, destined to be together, Merlin 'uses magic only for Arthur'. Come on.
Also, it's pretty clear that Merlin cares about Arthur more than he cares about his destiny, throughout the entire show. But it culminates in this scene in series five where, because of very contrived plot reasons, Arthur has to choose between legalizing magic and saving the life of Mordred. And Merlin convinces Arthur not to legalise magic so that he will let Mordred die. He literally enables the genocide of his own people and condemns himself to a lifetime of suffering just on the off chance that he can spend a bit more time with Arthur.
And if that isn't heartbreaking enough, of course, every action that Merlin makes only confirms Arthur's fate. And after he very platonically dies in Merlin's arms, as dudebros do, what does Merlin do? does he go back to Camelot and live a full happy heterosexual life? Of course not. No, he spends the next one and a half thousand years just waiting at Arthur's resting place, waiting for the day that Arthur will be resurrected and they can be together again. What the fuck kind of Greek tragedy, Achilles and Patroclus level shit is that? That is fucking gay.
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pinkeoni · 7 months
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...but what was Will really saying in the van?
This a post a year after the fact, when post people have already said what needs to be said, but you know what!! This is my blog and I can say whatever I want.
Will talking about himself and using El as a guise is pretty obvious. The handful of people who say that it really was from El are few and far between. El doesn't gaf about DnD, she's not even in the painting, and she even told Mike herself that she didn't know what Will was making.
Whether or not Mike actually believed Will's lie is something that I'm personally on the fence about, but I'm not talking about him today! There are plenty of great Mike posts about this if you want a Mike analysis.
The cinematography supports this as well. At the start of the scene, Will is established on the left side of the frame, and Mike is on the right. When Will tells Mike that El commissioned the painting, we get a shot of the mirror where they swap places.
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The switching of frame placement suggests that something is off, and mirrors in film can be used to show deception. The shot supports the idea that Will is not being fully truthful, which is backed up by what we already know. Each mirror shot is also prompted by a shot of Jonathan, suggesting that this is always from his point of view. We also know that he was able to see through Will's lie, so that supports this idea.
But we don't get the entire monologue from this angle, because really Will isn't entirely lying, he's just lying about whose feelings it really is.
It's no secret that the painting is an expression of Will's love for his friends, but also his romantic feelings for Mike. The positioning of the painting itself as a phallus (take a shot every time I've said "phallus" in a recent analysis) displays this in the visual language of the show along with the written one.
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I think that gender and the use of pronouns is important here. Will states the entire monologue using "she" and "her" and places El in the place of himself. So what he's essentially saying "My sexuality is a wonderful thing that can bring both of us joy, but only if comes from a girl." In context Mike seems specifically anxious about El so Will is reassuring him from that angle, but it also stands that Will doesn't see his sexuality and feelings as good enough to cure an ailing Mike.
There was scriptgate and the infamous "I hate who I am" line which everyone remembers where they were for, but when the scripts were said to be fake, this line seemed to no longer hold any weight within the fandom and was widely disregarded. He loves himself, actually!
But legitimacy of the script aside, does this line still ring true? Even if it were real, a unspoken internal dialogue in an action line doesn't matter unless the show actually expresses it. So do they?
After all Will said it himself, "you make [me] feel like [I'm] not a mistake at all. Like [I'm] better for being different." So that must be how he feels, right? And yet—
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—he doesn't really look like someone proud of his sexuality, does he?
I find the idea that Will doesn't suffer from any internalized homophobia rather absurd. It's definitely informed by external homophobia, but it would be different if Will fought back, but instead we see time and time again Will turning his pain inward. "Zombie Boy" leads to "It just makes me feel like more of a freak." and "It's not my fault you don't like girls" leads to the destruction of Castle Byers. I know that that line is informed by Mike's internal projection and might not be intended to be homophobic, although the statement still is homophobic despite intent. If Will knows he is gay and just heard that from his friend, of course he's going to take it that way. We see a little bit of Will standing up for himself, although this usually results in Will apologizing or not accepting apologies from others even when he deserves it. The bedroom scene in Dear Billy is a big step forward because not only does Mike apologize and assert that Will wasn't in the wrong, but Will actually listens.
It is true that Will accepts that he is gay and doesn't seem to fight it, although as others have pointed out, this doesn't necessarily mean that Will is necessarily proud of who he is. The van scene is just another example of Will taking that external pain and forcing it inward. There is likely to be consequences resulting from his lie that affects all three of them, but Will has decided to go a route that (he believes) will benefit Mike and El and only cause himself pain.
Look at this way. Let's say that Will hadn't lied about the painting being from El, that he was totally honest about the painting coming from him, but Mike didn't understand it as a romantic gesture. Not only would this not really make sense, and require Mike to be a level of oblivious on an absurd level, but it would also communicate something completely different. The new meaning would be this: Will is proud of his sexuality and able to take ownership of it, and the trouble comes from Mike not understanding. The conflict is now completely external.
I've seen debate on whether or not Mike really did understand what Will was saying although I think that's beside the point. If Mike did understand that Will was talking about himself, then this was not communicated to Will. The above scenario leads the conflict to be solely relieved by Mike finally understanding, and while there is surely to still be an external conflict between Will and Mike, Will's conflict of sexuality remains to be internal. Even if Mike did tell Will that he knew it was from him, this wouldn't necessarily solve Will's problem. The remedy to Will's internal conflict can only come from himself, by being able to proudly put his name to his painting.
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There's a difference between shipping two characters and acknowledging the intense (usually gay) bond between characters. You guys get what I mean, right? Like I'm not just going insane?
Like a BSD example:
-I casually ship Louisa X Lucy because I feel like their dynamic could work in a romantic context and because I love it when girls are in love and they both deserve to be happy 🩷
-HOWEVER Chuuya and Dazai have an intense bond, they are one soul in two bodies, written and designed to compliment the other, Chuuya trusts Dazai with his life and vice versa, Dazai believed in Chuuya's humanity from the very beginning, their old and sorted dynamic, Chuuya being like the only one who understands Dazai's motives, and so, knowing all of this, I simply have no choice but to acknowledge their homosexuality because if I don't then I'm just being willfully ignorant
Or a MHA example:
-I somewhat ship Dabi x Hawks because it's hilarious whilst also having beautiful potential for angst
-BUT Bakugou and Midoriya quite simply just are gay as shit for each other and I have no choice but to accept it. Rivals constantly pushing the other, their complicated history and how they've both grown because of it, their understanding of the other, Bakugou basically trusting Midoriya with his fears and insecurities, Bakugou being the first to know about One for All, Kaachan Bakugou.
Or a MTP example:
-I guess you could say I ship Microsoft X Albert because I think it's sorta very funny and extremely plausible.
-MEANWHILE William and Sherlock are like the only person who understands each other and can keep up with them and Sherlock is diving off of buildings and cradling William's head as they fall (in love).
Or a JJK example:
-I kinda ship Maki X Nobara because I can and I want to and they could work
-ALTERNATIVELY Gojo and Geto where each others one and only best friend, best friend they ever had, knows his smell, his heart and soul know otherwise. They're just disgustingly in love and I hate it but there's nothing I can do about it except cry
Or a Haikyuu example:
-I do ship Hanamaki X Matsukawa because lord is it hilarious and the fanon presentation of a romantic relationship between them is always the funniest thing ever and the fics are so good
-YET Hinata and Kageyama are exactly what the other needed, Kageyama found his better half, their constant pushing of the other to do better, promises fulfilled and matches won, casual moments and casual touch. I did not choose to see them in a romantic light, they forced me to. I am a victim
Or a Merlin example:
-I dabble in shipping Percival X Gwaine purely because I can and no one is gonna stop me
-ALTHOUGH Merlin and Arthur are so gross and icky and care about each other so much and repeatedly risk their lives for the other and Arthur asked Merlin to hold him whilst he dies and Merlin spends forever waiting for Arthur's return. I just can't view them platonically or something after everything I've seen them do and I don't believe anyone who says that they truly don't seem them as romantic or at least something other than platonic or brotherly because how could you not??
Or a Doctor Who example:
-I could ship the Doctor X Jack because that's actually class
-UNFORTUNATELY that would be asking me to ignore the Doctor and Rose. He burned up a sun to say goodbye. He loved her. She loved him, was willing to never see her mother again if it meant she stayed with him. I'm sorry but cmonnnn
Nah but you get what I mean, right? Like I don't 'ship' these people, they're just IN LOVE and I hate them for it.
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biceratops7 · 1 year
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So here’s the thing,
Being visibly queer to the point of ostracism is historically synonymous with gender nonconformity and I don’t think that’s a conversation some are ready to have.
Gender nonconformity as it pertains to Stede is a hot button topic of debate in the fandom rn, and I love that! So much! Queer theory shit is in right now? Sign me tf up! But I see a lot of posts answering “no” to “does Stede wear feminine clothing?” as if it’s the same question. It’s also being talked about as a binary “to be” or “not to be” as if gender nonconformity is not a concept experienced on a spectrum.
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Even if Stede’s clothing can be considered reasonably “masculine” with all the anachronisms, picking flowers, not being able to stomach a “man’s” job, and wearing robes that cause other characters to misgender him are harder sells. The number one thing I see the “Stede is NOT gnc” side say is that these things are only associated with femininity if you’re seeing them from a stereotypical lense. And well… yah. Gender nonconformity is a social construct. That’s what a social construct is. Enjoying bright colors, preferring non-confrontational solutions, wearing a skirt, having long hair, these are all things that are not biologically innate to women. They’re extra characteristics our society uses to construct the idea of a woman. That’s also why gender nonconformity hinges on the cultural context as well. Different societies, different rules.
In order to understand where people are coming from when they say Stede is gnc and use the queerphobia he experiences as evidence, you have to look at the metaphysics. What is homophobia in its original form? What is it made of? I’d argue it’s purest components are the fear that the divides between men and women will break down. It’s considered “an abomination” because sleeping with a man is seen as the natural duty of a woman, and for women, sleeping with a man. Beyond that, all of the baggage that comes with those extra characteristics I mentioned follows suit. Lesbians were by and large excluded from womanhood, in some points of history specifically bottoming was illegal because it was “placing yourself in a woman’s position”, etc.
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And that’s not to say masc gay men don’t experience homophobia, they absolutely do. I’m just saying if Stede is experiencing specifically the same bigotry as non-passing queer people do in the form of being excluded from his own gender and even from others in his group, then I don’t think he’s one of those men.
Honestly a thousand kudos to @eluciferate for already bringing Albert from “The Birdcage” to the conversation. Cause he really is the perfect example of not only gender nonconformity beyond the literal surface, but the fact that for many it’s a state of being rather than a conscious choice of queer empowerment. When Albert’s son brings home a girl with very conservative parents, and Albert attempts to “play straight” for his sake… he can’t do it. Even in ultra masculine clothes and trying his best, the nonconformity shines through like toes poking out of old shoes.
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Fuck, Stede wasn’t kidding when he said he was “uncomfortable in a married state”. Even the way he carries himself back home looks carefully minded, like his whole life is a play he was horribly miscast for. In other words sometimes you didn’t purposely decide to stick it to the heteronormative man. Sometimes with great gayness comes great responsibility and that’s that.
Jokes aside, we can nickel and dime all his frilly little affects all we want, but at the end of the day Stede is gender nonconforming in a way that goes beyond aesthetic. And I think a lot of people may be hesitant to read him this way because it requires you to acknowledge homophobia in the show, that Stede’s queerness is commented on and something he actively has to mind before even knowing what it is.
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findafight · 9 months
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i don't get why robin and eddie clocking each other is so popular. firstly i find it kind of cheap esp since it's usually a set-up for robin and/or eddie being all-knowing arbiters of lgbt knowledge while steve is clueless and dumb and not lgbt enough (despite usually being bi) to partake in this exchange as well. then it's otherwise used to establish an immediate connection between robin and eddie since they are both gay which automatically makes them besties. secondly it doesn't make much sense w what we see of either robin or eddie. like we know robin struggles w social cues and we see that that extends to sexual orientation through her interactions w vickie. also i think she is just not paying that much attention to eddie i must be honest. then w eddie he spends his time campaigning for the stancy revival while steve blatantly stares at his mouth so. i don't think he'd be good at that either. like the irony in this being so common is that steve is the person that does clock someone else on top of being consistently socially and emotionally intelligent and perceptive. idk sometimes i feel like ppl take him not clocking robin as proof he's incapable of it despite him then clocking someone later and being right, and that s3 scene fitting into the broader context of steve being lonely, insecure, and off his game for most of s3 as well as between s2 and s3. tbh missed comedy potential w steve being the one person in that trio that actually knows what's happening.
oooohg yeah i feel you anon. Not to say that all the fics that have these tropes in them are bad! it just. sometimes gets annoying? I don't want people to feel too bad about it but yes agree.
I think it really is used as a way to fast track their friendship. Truly unfortunate that it's often used to make them all knowing queer guides instead of the disaster teenage gays they are.
Robin is a small town lesbian who is only out to one singular person, she does not know anything, let alone vague little queer codes that might be happening. She wouldn't know Eddie was queer for a variety of reasons. She says herself she's not good at reading people! She's also busy worrying about if she's doing something that might out her or make people suspicious of her, so she's not analyzing other people's actions. She does not care about men that aren't Steve enough to pay enough attention to figure out if Eddie is queer or not lol. She can't even figure out if the girl she likes who likes her back is queer when her best friend is telling her. Oblivious icon! open your eyes, queen!!
Eddie had a man he deliberately broke a moment of romantic tension between his love interest by throwing a vest at his face staring at his lips and still pushed him towards said love interest. Sir. what are you doing. and once it's clear stncy isn't happening you know eddie would be like okay. why aren't you dating Robin? hmm? she's cool! and causes Steve to Suffer. (Steve was flirting with Eddie .5 seconds before he started on this please get with the program Eddie!!)
Also think it's silly that people would stereotype Eddie as Queer from how he dresses as though that's not just how a lot of people dressed? long hair was In in the 80s. Metal fashion was there. It also likely had some/a lot of ingrained homophobia in the subculture (as many things did). Sorry Eddie, but I'm pretty sure our boy Brucie did more for the gays than metallica. (Kissing Clarence Clemens Right On The Mouth Many Times On Stage thank you mr. springsteen and mr. clemens sirs.)
Steve's the only one of these three that 1) knows how to flirt 2) knows when someone is flirting with him 3) has consistently demonstrated being emotionally and socially intelligent to observe people (more than arguably anyone else in the series) and 4) has any kind of functioning gaydar. Totally agree that Steve not clocking Robin despite his gaydar is that he was way off his game, insecure, in a funk, pathetic sad meow meow era, and in a weird state of squish-or-crush on Robin, that was pushed towards crush by Dustin but slam dunked into squish by Robin coming out (does that make any sense?)
I truly, truly believe Vickie returned Fast Times paused on 53 minutes and five seconds specifically when she knew Robin and/or Steve would be the ones to rewind it. Why else would she not rewind it? when clearly they knew who had rented it and could potentially out her if they read into it? She was getting vibes from robin and knew that Steve would at least report Back to Robin (I refuse to believe the championship game was the only time stobin gossiped like they did. Vickie knows their shenanigans.) so she decided to be indirect but kinda obvious about it!! And while Robin is denying this Steve has seen the truth, he knows exactly what Vickie is doing. (would be very funny if Steve and Vickie clock each other, and then make eye contact like I know what you are. They deserve to become funky little friends while Steve is trying to get her and Robin together.)
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trash-gremlin · 4 months
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VHS Christmas Carols Spoilers
a bunch of my favourite parts and reactions in the VHS Christmas Carols bc i think it needs more love (its incredible btw and definitely worth the money)
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i will never get over curts acting choices for this line, the little laugh before saying it and his FACE OH MY GOSH HIS ACTINGGGGGG
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maybe the real gift was the love we had for each other and the sacrifices we were willing to make to make the other one happy
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these three and their vogue-esque gay ass little song is the only thing that matters to me
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it took me forever to turn that into a gif so i hope you enjoy it as much as i do
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their reactions to the match girl showing up + brian mouthing "what the"
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again laurens reaction to the match girl
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ugh ATE
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smth i only noticed on like the third rewatch - you can see scrooge holding and inspecting the watch he bought off jim when he bumps into the match girl
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this is here bc they all look very good in that lighting especially lauren
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embarrassing to admit it took me until here to realise that the match girl died
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ajs little smile makes it feel like scrooge is taunting bob here and i love ittttt especially as hes calling him bobby
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THIS
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the ghost of christmas past jumping rope + scrooge being confused and doing it too
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meredith lighting the ghost of christmas past's cigarette
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scrooge basically begs his younger self in this scene, i absolutely love ajs choices in this show as scrooge. also i am such a huge fan of this casting not only because they are both phenomenal actors that i will never shut up about but they genuinely look similar and it works very well in this context
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scrooge honey you cant fight the christmas electricity
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HUGE dad energy
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the top of his tiny tim shirt poking out + he looks really good here
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funny little thing i noticed - his shirt isnt buttoned, just folded over itself. in the actual show you can see him tuck it under his jacket those quick changes must be killing them
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the way he begs them and they dont even react.. paired with the music and this is horror movie level stuff
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he got his watch back :,)
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no im not crying, i have allergies... yea im allergic to being sad
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i went back and made it a gif bc LOOK. LOOK AT HIS ACTING OH MY GOD. IF YOU COULD HEAR THE WAY HE SAID IT YOUD BE JUST AS INSANE AS ME HOLY SHITTTTTTT
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this show is incredible go rent it right now if you havnt seen it, go rent it again if you have, and sacrifice all of your money and worldly possessions to starkid thank you and goodnight
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emblazons · 1 year
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Still thinking about how understanding what happened in the S3-S4 relational narratives requires you suspend the belief that the last two (soon to be 3) seasons of Stranger Things are designed to stand alone.
With S1 and S2, the seasons existed as standalone entities—S2 was a sequel yes, but it wasn't a direct narrative extension of the action that occurred in the season before. You could watch Season 2 with only a bit of context from the first season (one boy got kidnapped and taken by the monster into another dimension, the girl from the lab with the superpowers showed up and they worked together to save said boy, but then she disappeared and was presumed dead) and watch the second season with little issue.
Its not the same with Seasons 3-5. If anything...it helps when analyzing to imagine Seasons 3-5 as one "season" in the same way S1 and S2 exist as single entities; the Duffers have already confirmed its true for Seasons 4-5, but it gets a lot easier to follow arcs and action, particularly for the youngest characters, if you stop trying to find coherence in single-season stories and look at each season as three parts of a whole.
This is true across the board, but it's particularly true in the case of understanding Byler, both as individuals and a pairing (though the full buildup of their romantic arc will take us across all 5 seasons). Understanding why S3 feels like you just got dropped into nonsense with them specifically (after two seasons of Michael "I'm the only one who cares about Will" Wheeler and Will "I am central to the story even when I'm off screen" Byers) is because The Duffers took the risk of introducing a brand new set of conflicts to the youngest characters: namely, ongoing romantic relationships, personal identity crises and sexuality...only without resolving the conflict and action in the 8-9 episodes they usually do, which is why you feel frustrated by it.
Basically: Season Three was the season where we set up the relational problems that need to be fixed—we just have three entire seasons to work through them, which means its gonna look bad at the start and good as we work through the problem (over the course of a few seasons) to get to the solution.
forewarning: ferociously long post ahead (with headers for clarity)
Will’s Arc: A (Queer) Coming of Age
With Will, the problem re-introduced in S3 is that he feels different from his peers, and not just because he's gay; its because 1) he is in love with Mike in a way that is more genuine than we are being presented in the third season (that "sandbox" "puppy love" "break up and makeup" summer fling energy that S3 has) and 2) he is unwilling to step into the lie of "maturity" as its being presented in the story, aka giving up things like hanging out with his friends over focusing on relationships or giving up games (DnD in particular).
(sidebar: I wrote another analysis touching on the above here).
A lot of people I've met who watch the show casually say things like "it just seems like he's not able to grow up like his friends" and even "he's falling behind," but I think that's on the right track while missing the point: the reason Will is written as "refusing to grow up" is because he is the character that represents the rebellion of The Duffer's heart and interests, and both of the things that seem like they would be a bad because they make his character different in the narrative are actually surprisingly positive for his "three season" arc...if you understand what the ongoing themes of Stranger Things are.
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With Will, the “problem” in the story exists because he is the one who represents being weird/the outcast/queer and not giving into the social pressure to “let go” of that—he loves another boy, is more emotional than his peers and loves nerdy things like his tabletop board game and refuses to deny that to himself, no matter how brutalizing that is for him and his feelings. In that way, he is the character who “represents” the sentiment of The Duffers themselves—he is a nerd, a child at heart, and he has no problem taking DnD and anything else into “adulthood,” (looking at you “yeah, yeah I really did” during the rain fight) the same way The Duffers have.
That said: as we move into season 4, Will is presented with an evolution of this conflict—he wants to continue to be honest with and about himself, his feelings, and his interests…but it comes in direct conflict with his understanding of his peers & Mike, whom he loves.
We see this conflict show up repeatedly in Will’s actions in S4, especially in regards to the painting, which is the physical representation of both his love of Mike and his embracing of his nerdiness. Will shows up to the airport with his painting in spite of not speaking to Mike because his heart is to be honest and true-to-self regardless of anyone else—you even see this as he takes the painting on the road when they plan on going back to Hawkins, after he makes up with Mike. The problem is though (and this plays into the whole “we want you to feel like you lost” sentiment The Duffers spoke about, as S4 is the “down” before the “up”resolution of the whole narrative) that Will he realizes that his desire to be honest is getting in the way of (his perception of) the happiness of the people he loves, so he decides to betray his character and break the first cardinal rule of The Party…to tell his first lie.
There are plenty of phenomenal analyses on other aspects of Will’s connection to Vecna/the UD and the love triangle dynamic at play across this app so I’ll leave that alone here (I do have many thoughts on why the above makes Henry Creel the perfect villain foil to Will specifically), but: for the sake of understanding Will’s relational narrative arc, it’s critical to understand that our “low” for him is the betrayal of his ongoing S3 character—and that him undermining his self-honesty, nerdiness and love for Mike are the things that The Duffers have set themselves up to resolve in S5.
The resolution for Will is to re-embrace his differences —to realize that lying to yourself and other people about who you are and what you love (both in terms of “nerdy” interests and his queerness) is not who he wants to be, no matter how hard it is to stand up for in the wake of adversity—along with embracing the power of real love, which is also an ongoing theme the Duffers have set up in their relationships beginning in Season 3.
Now…on to Michael.
Mike’s Arc: Finding Yourself & Embracing What Makes You Different
—anyone with a single toe in this fandom knows that Mike Wheeler is one of the most divisive characters in this story when it comes to deciding 1) what his motivations are and 2) what his desires will be, but (and bare with me on this)…I think that’s kind of the point of his story. Mike’s “three season” arc is about him moving through a confusion of identity into someone who can embrace himself while addressing the things he is most insecure about—namely; being seen, being useful, and (very, very likely) the fact that the person who makes him feel most secure, seen, useful and loved is another boy.
There are several context clues that give credence to the fact that the reason Mike feels so wishy-washy / lacking in depth is because his struggle is not knowing how to find his place in the world, though you have to go further back than S3 to find them. Let me explain.
From the literal pitch of the show, there has always been an undercurrent of self-doubt and insecurity in Mike; his desire to escape the weight of feeling insecure has been a driving factor in his actions since before he was even on the screen, and it is impossible to understand what motivates him without first understanding that.
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With Mike, his actions across all seasons have been weighed down by his desire to escape his insecurities through action—and as he’s gotten older, what he’s used to escape those insecurities (to be someone like the paladin he plays in DnD) has evolved and shifted, ranging through everything from turning the world (no pun intended) upside down to find Will; being willing to sacrifice his life to save Dustin from bullies; using any weapon he could find to fight a baby demogorgon; and wanting to be a heroic knight who protects the perceived vulnerable girl once he starts dating Eleven.
The point is: Mike’s deepest core need is to assuage his insecurities by doing whatever he can to be a good person—and when he feels like can’t do anything or protect the people he loves…he spirals. That’s been true since the start of his character…and everyone from The Duffers to Finn Wolfhard himself has mentioned it.
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Now. With that baseline established, let’s talk Season 3.
Ironically enough, a lot of people feel like Mike’s character has “fallen off” because he, by the sake of all appearances, has achieved all the things he is supposed to want—namely a girlfriend, which (at least in his mind) is the physical embodiment of successfully “addressing” his core fears.
Because Mike has all the external markings of a well-adjusted kid—he comes from a wealthy family, has a solid group of friends (who are also mostly now striving for social normalcy) and even a girlfriend—he seems to have addressed what many people even in real life believe is the end of most arcs & the fulfillment of the fantasy. For Mike, the appearance of his S3 life seems to have assuaged the fears at the root of several of his insecurities, including the desire to be needed, the desire to protect, the desire to be useful, and the desire for acceptance…all because now he’s saved El and has her at his side, and having a girlfriend means he has everything a good, well-adjusted guy is supposed to want.
Or…does it?
With how The Duffers set up the story (with S3 as the introduction of a new conflict for every major character), the answer they’re giving you based on how Mike interacts with other characters is no—having a girlfriend and acting “mature” doesn’t solve anything, especially if the core problem of you having an insecure identity while being dishonest with yourself isn’t addressed…and it’s the arc of Mike learning that “lesson” that we find ourselves dropped into moving into Season 3.
Beginning in S3, the war on Mike’s insecure self-concept comes at him on two fronts: on the one side, El, who started her journey needing Mike because of her background but now has no real need for any of the things he so desperately wants to provide as a means to validate himself, and on the other Will, whose deep familiarity and history with Mike combined with his confidence in his own identity presents Mike with a challenge of self-reflection that he doesn’t exactly feel ready for yet.
(sidebar: my post on how Mike's arc is intrinsically tied to a subversion of the "Born Sexy Yesterday" trope is a helpful expansion on things I talk about here).
We see this in how Mike gets frustrated with Max for giving El the space and language to not need him (undermining his role in her life as someone who she needs to protect/guide her); we see it in how he says cruel things when Will behaves in a way that challenges the actions Mike has taken to be “mature” (how he insults Will for not also wanting a girlfriend / still wanting to play the games that set them apart as nerds/different); and we see it in how Mike still goes out of his way to fix those relationships in the best way he can—because he knows on some level that what he’s doing in several moments isn’t in alignment with who he wants to be, even though they are both presenting him with radical internal challenges.
Ironically enough, Dustin does a great job of summarizing the two sides of Mike's internal conundrum in what he says to Steve about Robin—Mike, somewhat like Steve, is struggling between what is socially acceptable in a partner (or "cool") and what he actually wants and enjoys in one—and as El and Will evolve, so does Mike's internal conflict about how he perceives their places in his world.
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Between El’s supernatural abilities and rapidly growing autonomy making him obsolete to her in all the areas that matter to Mike (see: the ability to protect, be useful, and be seen) and Will’s reminding him that at his core he is just as much of a nerd as Will is, Mike finds himself feeling more confused and insecure than ever…and that is the internal conflict we see him end S3 battling.
The evolution of Mike’s narrative arc past the introduction of this internal conflict doesn’t happen until is the Byers/Hopper move to Lenora though…when he is literally left alone to process what that intense summer brought to light for him—which is the note we're left on as we move into the next phase of Mike's evolution in S4.
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In S4, the development of Mike figuring out what he wants and needs from his relationships + the kind of person he wants to be becomes a lot more external—we see him going through a series of code switches as he tries to manage the ever changing landscape of his self-perception, where has started journey toward self-acceptance but is still insecure about following through with it.
We see this in the way he has now joined The Hellfire Club and shows sincere signs of accepting his interests and "outcast" status, but still looks forlorn when Lucas says “I’m tired of being bullied / I thought you wanted things to be different too” (Lucas’ struggles with some aspects of performing normalcy the way Mike does S4).
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We see it in the way he shows up to Lenora dressed in what he thinks he’s should be wearing rather than as himself / the way he continues performing his relationship with El throughout that first day (and how he says it was Will who "sabotaged" things by being that same kind of radical honest about his feelings we talked about before)...only for the events of the day to spur him into meaningful honesty with both El and Will (to varying degrees of success) mere hours later.
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We even see it in the way Mike seemed to have been “turning over a new leaf” once he and El fought, to the point he was okay with them ending the “normalcy” performance of their romance…right up until Argyle’s paranoia while burying Unknown Hero Agent Man struck the fear of god back into him (aka making him worry he was letting El down by not protecting her—aka tapping into one of his core fears).
Basically: Mike is leaning into accepting the things that make him different in little ways, but is still struggling to step into that identity fully—aka he is still using perceived social acceptability as a shield, even though he no longer holds as tightly to being perceived as normal. (Even Finn himself often jokes about Mike “just trying to be normal,” which I think is a good, simple explanation of what’s happening—that said, if we take that reading and combine it with those “narrative goals” I mentioned The Duffers have earlier…Mike trying to be normal is an issue to be resolved, not an identity to be embraced. But…let’s move on).
By the time we get to the infamous van scene, we’ve watched Mike struggle through the two sides of his inner conflict for the entire season now, and felt him very gently succeed at switching into a more honest version of himself (who doesn’t need a girlfriend as a shield / can embrace his “otherness” in the same way Will does) right up until his inherent desires to be needed and useful come rearing up the second El is in danger.
It’s why we see him look pleased (but also marred with conflict) when Will looks confident, happy and radiant talking about “playing dnd and Nintendo for the rest of their lives…” and why him being honest in that scene is actually a huge moment for him, because rather than being vague about what has been plaguing him for two seasons now (trying to be “normal” just because he feels insecure) Mike is finally verbalizing the internal conundrum of his now two seasons of looking critically at his insecurities.
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Now—I could spend all day digging into just that bit of narrative alone—the way Mike finally externalizing his insecurities to be processed with Will rather than acting on them and hurting people unintentionally is a giant leap for him, and how when Will says “you’re sacred of losing her” Mike’s nod is an acknowledgement that Will is right…but his face is saying there’s more to that fear than he’s acknowledging—
—but for the sake of this analysis of the narrative arcs, the van scene is most important because it’s when the S4 “it feels like you lost” moment begins for Mike…and that’s because it matches up directly with the “you feel like you lost” moment for Will: him lying about the painting.
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When Will lies about the painting—saying that his feelings and the art that (as I said before) represents 1) his love of Mike, 2) his embracing of his nerdiness and 3) that radial self-honestly Mike so admires Will for—it throws a wrench into Mike’s internal revelations because Will is essentially saying that the relationship that Mike was slowly realizing he used to assuage his insecurities (his relationship with Eleven) is actually what lines up best with "who he wants to be," which throws Mike’s slow growth toward Will + honesty about what (and who) he wants to be into a tail spin.
From Will’s lie onward, Mike is thrown into moment after moment of conflicting emotions and dire circumstances as well—and given that Mike's deep terror of losing people comes up strongest when the people he loves are in danger, it’s only downhill for Mike’s growth toward self actualization from here. In that sense, (much Jonathan's S4 omissions of his truths/fears to Nancy leading to Nancy's regression into complacency / social conformity with Steve), its Will's lie that leads us directly into the “you feel like you lost” moment for Mike: him moving back into "conforming" territory and confessing his love to El in the SBP.
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The monologue (at least in terms of the narrative arc The Duffers are writing) is Mike’s “losing” moment because it’s when he has enough self-revelation to realize that being with a girl as a shield for his insecurities is no longer what he wants...but the drive he has to be useful, protect and love any way he can (on top of Will’s urging + lie) leave him feeling like his only option is stepping into the person he was at the start of S3.
In this moment, we see Mike say exactly what someone who is "acting normal” about loving his girlfriend and wanting to save her would….even though romantic love with El (and the socially-acceptable romantic relationship he has with her) are not what he really wants, and what we will watch crumble moving into S5.
Essentially: Mike having a moment of dissonance of that magnitude after an entire season of looking toward Will was what set us up to see all those "external markings of normalcy" Mike has held onto and had started grating against for two seasons now fall apart, given what we know about those core messages/themes/child-at-heart values the Duffers hold and keep at the heart of their show.
As of the end of S4, we can already see how this "regression" into his old self is not going to hold—the fact that everything Mike did to save El is rooted 1) in a lie and 2) not in alignment with Mike evolving understanding of his core desires makes sure of that.
We even see the beginnings of this "low" being resolved in Mike's arc in how Mike & El are not speaking (even with the 'resolution' of their surface-level S4 conflict with Mike's love confession) and how Mike is glued to Will's side even before Vecna is mentioned–which is how we've been set up to see the resolution of Mike's arc in S5.
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With all this in mind, it becomes a bit clearer that the resolution of Mike's arc is him moving through the confusion of identity we've watched him go through from S3 forward and into someone who can embrace who he is what he truly loves without fear of going against what is expected—aka finding the courage not to conform.
Mike as a character is a lesson in how doing what you think you're supposed to (aka what is "normal") is often at odds with who you are and what makes you the happiest—and the only way to self-actualize is to move past your insecurities and into someone who can be confident embracing what (and who) they really want...even when it means stepping out of line from what you’ve grown up believing would do the self-actualizing for you.
Final Thoughts
Both Mike and Will's relational arcs revolve around an embracing of what makes them different—in terms of their (highly likely) mutual queerness, yes, but also in terms of them making self-actualized peace with being nerdy "children at heart" in much the same way The Duffer Brothers themselves are.
If Will represents a person who struggles because they refuse to deny themselves their identity, Mike represents a person who struggles because they don’t understand their identity, and are walking around just trying to do whatever they can to get along (because they haven’t been presented with the inciting conflict that will move them into self-revelation & growth).
Both of these internal conflicts are narrative arcs that have been built into the coming of age stories of both halves of Byler—and though we are currently sitting at the "low" of both of their arcs as of the end of Season 4, the setup and though-line for them finding themselves (and real, honest love with each other) has been clearly set up for exploration in Season 5.
—if you managed to get through all of this, I commend you. And yes, there are a million other things to be explored between these two, but...I enjoy sorting through the thematic / "moral of the story" through-lines in all my media, so of course I was gonna do it for for Byler!
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homoeroticbetrayal · 1 year
Text
Iconic Homerotice Betrayals: Round 3
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Poll Directory
Context:
Akechi/Joker
Summarized by Anonymous Contributor
Ok so Akira(you the player) are the leader of a group of thieves (who are doing good for society) but there are more sinister things happening that also get attributed to your group.
Enter Akechi the famous charismatic detective who’s declared that he will catch you(you can probably already guess where this is going) When you first meet him it is already clear that something is very wrong under that obviously fake smile. Under your civilian identity you befriend him and slowly(or rather fast) he opens up to you showing more of his true self and what pains his heart. Even disclosing sensitive information that could bring him down. Of course this is all just lies he made up to get close to you right? Nope.
You see the betrayal coming from miles ahead. Not only does he betray you, he’s been the real culprit all along.
Despite knowing this loooong ahead you still take him on little gay dates to the aquarium, public bathhouse, pretending to shoot eachother, a café or try to impress him with your amazing darts skills. You may even willingly make wrong choices just for his approval (I did gdi Akechi I trusted you.) And when you come home he's already waiting for you.
After you survive him gleefully shooting you through the head(it makes sense in context) you meet again he admits that he wishes you’d have met earlier, confirming that your bond was genuine, that you could’ve been friends/partners(? It’s complicated) and he really meant it when he said you’re the only one he feels at ease with. But not without having a truly unhinged meltdown about it first, vehemently rejecting your offer to still be friends and turn over a new leaf. (so after he's attempted to kill you at least 2 times and is gearing up for making it 3)
Akechi betraying you is as much a betrayal of himself as it is one of you.
Bonus points:
other characters comment on you being the only one close to him
during one rank he confesses to you…. His hate?
as previously mentioned, your relationship ranks up after he shoots you in the head(you survive, it make sense in context)
he himself compares his betrayal of you to romance(yes after shooting you through the head). On live tv. In the same moment he reminds himself how he’s felt unwanted his entire life, like a reminder he killed the only person who ever made him wanted.
At the end you have the choice to stay in a perfect world where he is alive and never underwent any of the pain in his life turning him into a wholly different person, or let him die(again) as his true self. If you pick the former you can return the betrayal.
*vague description it’s complicated.
Read other summary here.
Homura/Madoka
Summary by Anonymous Contributor
This is the story of 3 betrayals :
1. Madoka and Homura meet and become best friends. Madoka believes in love and justice and helping people as a magical girl. But she gets killed. So Homura, loving her and believing in her cause, becomes a magical girl in order to time travel and save Madoka. Eventually, however, they find out they were being tricked all along, and none of what they thought they were fighting for is real. And this is BETRAYAL NUMBER 1: They've agreed to give up and just die/become monsters Together, when suddenly Madoka sacrifices herself to save Homura. As she is dying in Homura's arms she tells her she has a selfish goal: "you can travel in time, right ? Go back in time and warn me, stop me from getting tricked and becoming a magical girl."
2. So Homura goes back in time and tries to warn Madoka and their friends, but no one believes her. She can't save Madoka from her fate. So she time travels, again and again and again, trying desperately to save Madoka and failing every time, and becoming more and more estranged from her with every timeline. By the time we get to the timeline we know, she's done it so many times that she's become a stranger to Madoka, but Homura has become cold and hardened. It doesn't matter if Madoka doesn't love her anymore, all that matters is saving her. In the end, Homura's time travel has tied the strings of fate around Madoka so much, that Madoka bcomes the most powerful magical girl of all time and is able to essentially become a god, and rewrite the rules of the universe. She's created a better world, but at the cost of erasing her own human existence. Now no one will remember her except for Homura. As they are hugging naked in the cosmos, saying goodbye as the universe rewrites itself, Homura expresses how devastated she is by this turn of events. Madoka has saved her from the time loop she was in, but has sacrificed herself, and thereby Homura has failed to keep her promise of saving her. This is BETRAYAL NUMBER 2: Homura now has to live without Madoka, and all hope of keeping her promise to save her is lost.
3. And so we arrive at BETRAYAL NUMBER 3, the one they're most famous for : Homura tricks Madoka, and steals her godhood. Homura becomes the devil and undoes everything Madoka has fought for just to save Madoka and let her have a human existence, because she loves her that much. It's the ultimate betrayal because she destroys everything Madoka sacrificed herself for, she refuses to let her make the world better because selfishly, she loves Madoka so much she wants her to be able to exist.
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