#also never forget he functionally works as a retainer with his ex

[moeblob]

In case anyone who follows me forgot or did not know. Good lord I love Saizo and bless him for finally getting an alt and also bless him for being the only reasonable adult once again (in the paralogues). This man suffers so much from the people around him and the fact even his alt isn't a vacation but more stress is really funny to me (and bad for him, sorry buddy).

Saizo Dislikers please leave it at the door I don't wanna hear it. I've read enough rude tags on my art of him to last me a life time. o7

#fe heroes #fe fates #moe talks a lot #not art #i just had to say it because i really do love saizo and i really enjoy how much he just struggles with others being themselves #never forget how mad he got at azama for wanting to abandon mitama in their fates paralogue #never forget saizo had to force that man to go help his daughter #never forget that he did name his kid after him to keep the line going but didnt get mad when his kid was like mmm not now #never forget that some of the kids in the game call their dads Father and it sounds super formal yet his son calls him dad #HES A GOOD MAN JUST TRYING OKAY #also never forget he functionally works as a retainer with his ex #come on how do people still want to slander this man just existing in a world full of .... people...... #also after rereading his supports with asugi yeah the dude jumped to conclusions AND APOLOGIZED after learning he was wrong #and yeah he said the different name asugi was much more different and asugi pointed out yet you still use it #so basically never forget that this man is trying his best to respect his sons wishes and knows to apologize when hes out of line #also never forget hes ticklish

[samingtonwilson]

Apartment 8C - Chapter 3

Getting Back in the Game

SERIES MASTERLIST // PREVIOUS PART

Summary: college au. you and bucky are the closest of friends, the most functional of roommates, and… exes. but just because it didn’t work out romantically doesn’t mean he has to move out! it’s not like he’s so deeply in love that he can barely breathe. totally not in love. at all. not even a little. maybe.

Pairing: bucky x reader

Warnings: language, lil bit angsty

A/N: this isn’t the best thing i’ve ever written by a long shot but i promised i’d upload it soon and i’m sorry it’s been so long since the last chapter.

He stumbles over his own feet. The toe of his sneaker smashes into the first stair. He very nearly drops the floral thermos he's filled with coffee. 

All because of the smile you offer him as he walks through the door. Warm in the chilly lecture hall, bright but surrounded by dusty seats with fraying upholstery. 

You pay no attention to what Wanda says— a nod every few seconds, a smile when words sound vaguely positive. She gesticulates animatedly, the water in her glass bottle resembles a cyclone held between electric green nails, and you laugh when she does. 

Your eyes follow Bucky as he climbs the steps, so he walks slowly. Carefully. With attempted grace. He thinks he might hear the slither of a snail as it overtakes him. 

Grinning at his almost calculated approach, you nod to his hand once Wanda finishes her story. “S’a nice thermos you’ve got there.” 

“Very pretty,” Wanda, taking a peach slice from the Ziploc bag you hold, agrees. As she gives Bucky a thorough once-over, she presses a finger to her lips in supposed thought. “Extremely contradictory aesthetic, though.” 

You hum. You lean back when he stands beside you in the aisle, your own gaze tracing the length of him. There’s humor and exhaustion in your eyes, a joke and hours of lost sleep in a light pink tint. “I don’t know. I like the Greaser look with a touch of innocent Sandra Dee.” 

The roll of his eyes is long-suffering. “I couldn’t get on the subway with any of my mugs. I made that mistake once and won’t make it again.” 

Wanda looks between the two of you as you laugh and Bucky scowls, her dark brows furrowed. “What? Did you spill or something?” 

Still laughing despite a soft wince, you take hold of Bucky’s hand when he pinches your side in retaliation. You struggle as he tries to break from your grasp. “We were on the Q train and some guy threw his cigarette butt—” you’re cut off by your loud squeak when Bucky manages to slip his hand out of yours and pinches your side again. He then takes your bag of peaches for himself. “Bucky!” 

He takes a slice out in a pointed fashion, his bite purposefully obnoxious. Mouth full, he continues for you. “He threw his cigarette butt into my coffee.” 

Giggling at the way Bucky holds the bag above his head when you attempt to reach for it, Wanda asks, “Like on purpose?” 

You jump twice only for Bucky to swing the bag to the left then the right, just out of reach. He smiles at the effort deepening your frown, the warmth of your frustration welcome against the blasting air conditioning. 

You pout and cross your arms over your chest after one last attempt.

He groans preemptively. 

He knows that look. He hates that look. 

“You could’ve just asked for the peaches. I would’ve given them to you,” you— your voice breaking and lilting in sadness as you look at him through your eyelashes— say. You try not to smile at Wanda’s exasperated laughter and Bucky’s arm slowly lowering, and instead continue pouting. “I guess it’s okay.” 

Bucky blinks. He looks to Wanda, his eyes wide, then back at you. With the knowledge of a two-year friendship and four month romantic relationship, he knows you’re fucking with him. But it’s the look— pouty glossed lips, gazing through mascaraed lashes, eyes puppy-wide. It tightens and tears something in his chest. Every single goddamn time. 

He fights the urge to take you in his arms and immediately thrusts the plastic bag in your direction. His voice is almost a whimper as he says, “Please just take it. Never look at me like that again.”

“He’s so easy, isn’t he?” you ask Wanda, grinning as you take a bite of a slice and pat Bucky’s cheek with your free hand. You ignore his frown. “Also, yes, the Q train guy did it on purpose. He said, ‘Got a little something for you, pretty boy’ and threw it in. Then he winked at me and Bucky almost decked him right there at Canal Street station.”

Though he’s still focused on quelling what his ego has deemed sympathy heartache, Bucky nods in confirmation. “Yeah, he fucked up my coffee then tried to hit on my girlfriend right in front of me.” 

“You were a protective boyfriend so I’m surprised he made it out alive,” Wanda comments as she checks her phone and your attention drifts when the door opens so more students from the upcoming lecture can slowly trickle in. 

Wanda shrugs when she looks up to see Bucky’s slightly confused expression. “Not overly. Nicely. Concerned for her safety, always looking out for her, having her back.” 

“She’s right,” you add absentmindedly as you look at the analog clock bolted to the wall behind her. “When does your lecture start?” 

“Two or three minutes,” he replies after glancing at the clock himself. “See you at home?” 

“Actually,” your voice trails, teeth worrying at your bottom lip, in thought. “I’m gonna stay.” 

“For my econ lecture?” 

“I want to talk to you and Wanda’s going to the library, right?” When Wanda nods, you continue, “I also don’t want to deal with the subway alone at rush hour.”

With a wave to Wanda, you turn back to Bucky and wag your eyebrows playfully. “Show me where you sit.”

In the three weeks that he has been attending economics lecture, it has never been Bucky’s favorite class. The subject matter is dense and dull, half of the students are over-eager freshmen, and the professor assigns far too much reading for a class he’s taking as a G.E.. 

But, as you fall into a chair toward the center of the hall beside his aisle seat, it’s brighter. Today, he doesn’t mind the group of girls that giggle about sorority gossip and the water polo jock whining about his GPA requirement. 

He snorts when you pull your laptop from your bag and set it on the collapsable desk. “You gonna take notes?” 

“I need to look the part. Can’t let the professor think I’m just here to talk to you.”

“I’m not being evicted, am I?”

“Not quite yet.” You open the bookmark folder in your browser labeled CLOTHES FOR FALL. “Forget the words as soon as they leave my mouth, okay? I just miss you. We’re never at the apartment at the same time.”

He smiles. “Wow, you? Admitting that you miss me? Am I dying?”

“Didn’t I tell you to forget the words?” despite your tone, your lips are struggling against a smile. “But, no, you aren’t dying. I might be, though. Explains why I’d admit something like that.”

As the professor— a short man with thinning brown hair and a matching sweater— steps behind his podium, you look over the room. You’re visibly dissatisfied with what you see. “Is everyone here, like, twelve years old?” 

“It’s mostly underclassmen.” 

“See? This is what happens when you don’t listen to your beautiful roommate slash ex-girlfriend when she tells you to finish your G.E.’s over the summer.” 

“I was too busy with you this summer.” 

“Yeah? Am I that much of a handful?” 

“Sweetheart, you’d be surprised how much more I get done these days.” 

Your laughter inspires a bit of his own, the two of you pulling your feet toward yourselves as one of Bucky’s classmates— the only other upperclassman who he usually sits beside— attempts to pass through. He sends you a smile as he takes the seat at your other side. 

He leans in when the professor begins lecturing, PowerPoint presentation projected over the canvas screen, but not so close that you feel uncomfortable— just enough to whisper audibly.  “You took my seat.”

“Don’t make me say ‘I don’t see your name on it’ like some bad 90’s bully.” 

A bright smile wrinkles otherwise incredibly smooth mahogany skin. He holds his hand out for you to take. “T’Challa. You just add this class?” 

You tell him your name and cock an eyebrow, giving his large hand a single shake. “Do you know everyone who’s been in this class from the start?” 

“No, but I think I’d remember you.”

Bucky holds his breath when you pause and the tip of his pen slips to carve a stray mark into his notebook when you laugh. He narrows his eyes at the screen as you whisper-yell, “You didn’t just say that! Oh, that’s so bad. I thought you’d be better than that.” 

“It wasn’t so bad,” T’Challa grins. He has yet to type any notes onto his Word document while Bucky has copied every word on each slide verbatim. Both have retained absolutely no information. “It’ll grow on you.” 

“Doubt it. But I appreciate the confidence.” 

He leans over again, elbows on your shared armrest to look at your laptop screen. He sighs playfully. “Are you shopping? Come on now. You gotta pay attention.” 

“What about you, huh?” You shove T’Challa back onto his side, laughing hard enough to earn a glare from the bespeckled freshman seated in front of you— Bucky offers the kid a shrug. “Get outta here. You’re actually enrolled in this class.”

“What, you’re not? Who chooses to sit in on an econ class?” 

You giggle and Bucky misspells “achievement.” “I wanted to spend time with someone.” 

“But we just met.” 

“Jesus, you’re terrible. You must be a student athlete.” 

A dark eyebrow lifts. “How’d you guess that?” 

“Well, for one, I’m incredibly intuitive.” You, without turning to face him, pinch Bucky’s arm when he snorts. “Secondly, all student athletes are full of themselves. And, third, you’re wearing your soccer team hoodie.” 

T’Challa looks down at his deep purple sweatshirt and laughs. “Not sure if I should be offended or embarrassed.” 

“I’d be both if I were in your place.”

Bucky wants to drown out the giggles and whispers to his left, the rumbles of T’Challa’s deep voice and the soft lilt of yours. But the professor is too monotone and the material is too dry. 

And it isn’t like he’s jealous. He truly isn’t. 

It’s a different emotion entirely. A confusing one. One which, while outlined in an altruistic happiness at the sight of your any joy, feels achingly close to heartbreak all over again.

— 

The glow from dim overhead bulbs and icicle string lights bounces off the bottle cap rendition of Starry Night and illuminates tin ceiling tiles, the reflected flecks cast against the dark brick walls and slowly filling walnut hued wood tables like glitter. One wall is covered entirely with napkin self-portraits and landscapes, still life and crayon impressionist renditions of Raju behind the bar. 

You’re sure it’ll take some sifting to reach the last drawing you took your time to add to the cluttered gallery and you’re sure Bucky is thankful for that fact. He hadn’t enjoyed your interpretation of his flushed drunken features done entirely in the firetruck red lipstick you’d found at the bottom of your bag. 

But that hadn’t stopped you from smearing a bit of the gaudy color onto your lips and pressing a kiss to the drawing and the subject himself, giggling when he’d mumbled something about telling his girlfriend that you’d just attempted to defile him. 

You pass the wall without an attempt at excavation and follow the sound of Sam’s voice pitched lower than usual. He emparts what seems like instructions and encouragement, his head downturned as he stands beside a seated Bucky. Steve sits on Bucky’s other side but stops listening and periodically nodding as you grow closer. 

“Why does it look like the three of you are scheming?” 

Sam’s head snaps up. His brown eyes are wide. Caught in the headlights of your curious smile and cocked eyebrow. 

He allows silence to pass through for an awkward beat, punctuated by the release of a breath he’d been holding, his eyes on you again after he’d glanced at Bucky and Steve helplessly. “Fuck, I’m not sure what to say here.” 

“You can tell her,” Bucky says with a roll of his eyes, more storm grey than blue in the limited lighting. He smiles at you in greeting as you take the stool beside Steve’s. “We agreed we wouldn’t mind.” 

You nod instantly. “Yeah, we did.”

Steve snorts into his beer bottle as he takes a long sip. “You don’t even know what he’s referring to.”

“Well, whatever it is, if Bucky says we agreed we wouldn’t mind then we agreed we wouldn’t mind.” A bottle matching Steve’s is placed before you. You nod your thanks to Raju as he pops the cap with a soft metallic clink. “Besides, I can put two and two together. At the bar. Giving Bucky what looks like an inspirational speech. He’s wearing his ‘look at me’ jeans.” 

“I’ll ask,” Sam says when Steve casts him a bemused look. He looks at you then, lips curved a barely contained smile even as he peers at Bucky. “His ‘look at me’ jeans?” 

“The jeans that make his ass look like a ripe peach.” Your giggles, in response to the incredulous looks you receive, is laced through the cracking of a peanut shell between your fingertips. You toss the unshelled peanut into your mouth and snort. “Don’t look at me like that just for appreciating a nice ass. Not when I was told someone wanted to bounce a quarter off mine.”

A tense pause before Steve smacks a fist against Bucky’s shoulder. His outraged expression doesn’t falter even as Bucky winces. All the while Sam roars in laughter. “What the hell, man? You told her?” 

“I tell her everything,” is Bucky’s mumbled reply. He drains what’s left of his beer. “You said that freshman year and I told her a month ago. The statute of limitations had run out.”

Steve scoffs, shakes his head. Thoroughly unimpressed with the two of you as you exchange chuckles and small smiles. “Whatever, jerk. See if I keep your secrets next time.” 

“Who you gonna tell?” Sam asks as he smashes an empty shell under his quarter-empty bottle of beer. “Your left hand when you’re pretending it’s someone else?” 

The tips of Steve’s ears turn red almost immediately, the sip he’d just taken a choking hazard. He narrows icy blue eyes at a smirking Sam and a laughing Bucky, excusing you from the bulk of his frustration even as you hide your laughter miserably. “Dead to me, both of you.” 

A snort from Bucky. “Okay, drama queen.” 

Steve turns to you. More annoyed than scandalized now. “I see why you dumped him.” 

“Didn’t dump him.” You set your elbow on the bar, ignoring the way your sweater sticks to the counter, and rest your chin on your palm. “You know, I never thought I’d see the day when Bucky needs help getting laid.” 

“I’m reformed,” Bucky mumbles, fingernails picking at the paper label on his bottle as he smiles to himself. “Not really lookin’ to just get laid.” 

“Yeah? What are you looking to do?” 

He shrugs. “Maybe go on a date or something. Meet someone nice I can actually talk to.”

You pause, peanut shell halfway cracked under the heel of your palm. You feel your playful smile grow a bit tight. “That’s new. What brought that on?” 

“Well, you did.” 

You crush the shell so the crumbled pieces litter the wooden counter. Using your fingernail, you split a peanut into equal halves, then jagged quarters. You resist the urge to scoff at the reflection in your bottle and lift an eyebrow at Bucky when you look up again. “What’d I do?”

He shrugs. His smile is small. “I liked what we had. It wasn’t what I’m used to. I liked being able to have a conversation and a closeness in addition to… everything else.” 

Sam looks between the two of you and you’re afraid he might read too much into the way your lips have fallen into a frown, the way the grip on your drink has tightened. Instead, he asks as he takes a sip, “In addition to the sex?” 

“Obviously in addition to the sex,” Bucky says as he fixes Sam with a plain expression, eyes narrowed. “I was trying to keep this conversation ‘safe for work.’” 

“Yeah, that went out the window when Sam made the masturbation joke,” Steve notes. He asks Raju for another drink and chubby fingers place a matching bottle before him. “I think the change is nice. No more of this nonsense hook-up culture today’s generation is so overtaken by.” 

Your brow furrows. “Uh, Gramps?” You only wait until Steve meets your gaze to continue. He’s already scowling. “You’re a part of today’s generation.” 

“Steve is one of those people,” Sam begins. “You know, the ‘I’m not like other girls’ kinda people.” 

Bucky nods. “He’s just waiting to grow into his personality.” 

You hum in agreement next. “Until it’s socially acceptable to be the way he is.” 

“I’m sorry.” Steve holds his hands up. “No one informed me today was going to be devoted to roasting me.”

There’s laughter and the insults none of you really mean ensue even as Natasha walks in, the bar now slightly fuller, nearly an hour later. She joins in seamlessly, picking up on the latest thing about Steve you’ve all targeted with just a minute of silent observation. She picks up on something else, though— something she doesn’t bring up until the two of you have retired to a corner booth away from the new crowd of patrons screaming drink orders at a never-flustered, ever-calm Raju. 

She stares first. Green eyes set in a contemplative glare, lips in a neutral line. Her fingers lay casually over the rim of her tall, narrow glass. You pay her no mind, however. Your gaze is fixed on Bucky as he walks toward a small group of girls you think you might have seen on campus. “This is killing you.” 

“What, drinking?” you ask without so much as a glance in her direction. You’d switched out beer for something a bit stronger but have yet to take a sip of it, a rum and coke watered down now by melting ice. You tear your eyes from Bucky, with noticeable hesitation and dissatisfaction, when a short brunette with springy curls giggles at what he’s just said to her. “You’re drinking, too.” 

The glare becomes disbelieving. She watches as your stare returns to Bucky and you absentmindedly stir your straw through your drink. “We both know I’m not talking about drinking.” 

A questioning hum. You avert your eyes when the brunette and Bucky begin to laugh again.

“How are you doing with Bucky?” 

“Like, as roommates? Fine. He could check the mail every so often.” 

Natasha sighs your name. There’s an undercurrent of frustration cutting through her tone. “Are we going to spend this night acting oblivious?” 

“Oblivious to what?” you laugh in a bit of surprise. You withhold a shudder of disgust as you take a sip of your drink. 

She rolls her eyes, enunciating her words carefully as she asks, “How are you doing with Bucky flirting with that sorority girl over there?” 

You follow her nod and only let your eyes linger on them for a second. The straw bends in between your fingers and you shrug. “I’m doing okay with it.” 

“You’re okay with him flirting with her right in front of you?” 

“Yes, Nat.” 

She watches as you twist the straw, but nods. “Okay.” 

Snorting with an eye roll of your own, you shake your head. “You couldn’t sound less convinced if you tried.” 

“Because I’m not convinced.” She sits back against the booth. “It has to bother you a little that Barnes is trying to get laid fifty feet away from you.” 

“Didn’t you hear? He isn’t trying to get laid. He wants someone he can talk to, and date, and have closeness with.”

“Wow. Looks like someone’s maturing,” her voice remains utterly unimpressed. 

There’s a silent beat as you look at them again. Bucky’s smile seems to reflect and brighten every light in the bar, slate blue eyes meeting yours for just a moment. “I think I’m happy for him.” 

“You think you’re happy for him?” 

It’s quiet again as you sit back as well. Teeth worrying at your bottom lip, you nod. “I kind of owe it to him, don’t I? To let him flirt with people in front of me and tell me how he’s looking for a relationship rather than just sex.” 

“Why would you owe that to him?” 

“You know that guy from the soccer team I’ve been talking to?” You wait until she nods to continue. “He asked for my number when Bucky was, like, ten feet away.”

“Yikes. But you didn’t actively seek him out.”

“No, I didn’t. But even if T’Challa hadn’t asked for my number, I’d still owe him. I mean, I was the shittiest girlfriend you can imagine,” you tell her with a sad smile. “I did everything wrong.”

Her eyes widen ever so slightly. “You didn’t… You didn’t che—” 

“No! God, no. I didn’t cheat on him. I could never even entertain the idea,” you say quickly, hands held up in innocence. “I just— I was detached, and aloof, and I didn’t value him at all. I made jokes about us dating but platonically, I would leave his room in the middle of the night to go back to mine. I thought kissing him each time I left the apartment was too mushy and telling him how much I fucking adored him would make me too sappy.” 

“There’s nothing wrong with being a little sappy.” 

Your nose wrinkles. “I know. But he’s my best friend. I can’t lose my best friend because I’m too emotionally constipated to be in a functional romantic relationship and too selfish to end it all before someone gets too hurt.” 

She sets her hand on yours when your voice breaks and offers you a playful smile when you look at her. “And here I thought I was your best friend.”

Wet laughter, and your head lolls back against the booth cushion. “Best friend is not a person. It’s a tier.” You hear his laughter over the commotion of the bar and sigh. “I’m over it and I’m happy for him. He should be happy. Even if it’s with fucking Connie from freshman year sociology.” 

Natasha’s hand comes down on the table and rattles her glass and yours, smiling to herself when you jump. “That’s how I know her! Fuckin’ Connie with the stink eye.” 

“She’s been into him since then, you know?” You laugh when Natasha offers you an incredulous expression. “Yeah, she got hammered at one of Sam’s parties and told me. I lived in fear of her wrath after Bucky and I got together.”

“She’d destroy you. The smaller ones go for the eyes and you’re all talk.” 

“Oh, I’m fully aware of that.” 

--

CHAPTER 4: THE FIRST, FIRST DATE

#bucky #bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x you #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes fic #a8c

[ellaintrigue]

I've had health problems for nearly a decade now, stemming from urinary things. Things I would already have but on top of it I get kidney stones which is sadly genetic. I am on a diet for it but nonetheless I get the fucking bastards roughly yearly at this point. When I first started getting them I would jump in the horse bucket, which was always cold, to numb the pain. Last year I went to the ER with one and they found out I had passed it but it had, well, ripped up my pee hole. I was in agony!

So last week I didn't feel well, then got my period, still didn't feel well. Swollen ovaries and the OTHER shit I get (I have so much going on). Well, I got up one morning and just doubled over. I was having cramps almost as bad as when I went to the ER last September. Fuck! I was in intense, INTENSE pain to the point I was almost gasping. It lasted 20 minutes while I contemplated going to the doctor, then I felt cramped for 3 days after that.

Finally I figured out, or my best guess, was that the stone was in my bladder so I could barely piss for two days. I was miserable but just went to work on the computer as usual. The problem with these kinds of pains and also regular fatigue and my other issues is that it all makes me weak, dizzy, and unable to focus. So while I would most definitely call out of work at my previous, physical job, with the computer job I can barely work either because I have to read and write and well, my head is a blur. A lot of people, including my mom, don't understand that. Like hey, your job is just on a computer, why can you just sit and work?

The last night of this nonsense I got wasted which isn't great but holy fuck, pain. (I don't normally binge or get shit faced, believe it or not.) They gave me painkillers at the ER last year and I took them the day I had bad cramps but I am not a pill kind of girl. Only take that shit if you're dying. Plus the pee factor. I drink citrus, vinegar and all that but in the end nothing makes you piss like alcohol. I've literally used beer to push out a stone before because it makes me pee so much. And the real irony is that alcohol in general inhibits the development of stones. If I didn't drink I could very well end up with much bigger and more problematic stones. Obviously no one should drink but sometimes life has its laughable moments.

I was in pain the whole night despite the booze which means it was pretty bad and the next day I woke up bleeding. I had finally passed the motherfucker without going to the ER to whine. Woo hoo! Now to look out for infection. People have told me to go to a specialist, blah blah but I already have and between that, my GP, and the ER I've had everything tested and I just have a weak bladder, messed up female parts, and scarring. So there's really nothing anyone can do since I don't retain urine or anything dangerous. I just have to live with it, which is fine, EXCEPT THE DAMN STONES which will happen anyway. All I can do is diet. There is no sure fire way to prevent kidney stones, especially when they run in the family.

I honestly think the worst part is that not many people really listen to me during these times because they either think I'm seeking attention or it's too much drama for them. All I told mom and other people was that I was doubling over in pain that one morning and was trying to get past it. I wasn't rambling in an emotional way or crying, just stating a fact when people asked how I was. Mom rapidly changed the topic while I was sitting there squirming and sweating (I mean she has fucking cancer so I probably shouldn’t even say anything to her about my issues to be fair). Then over the course of the day everyone stopped talking to me as soon as I mentioned I was sick except for my best friend who just changed the topic on me and another guy I talk to who was like, "wow that sucks, I hope you feel better!" That man had told me before how he hurt his leg and we have honest conversations. He seems really cool but at the same time I don't think I should have to be surprised when someone is nice or sticks around when I'm not having a good day. Again I wasn't screaming or bitching, just saying I was trying to pass a kidney stone and that I was hurting!

Years ago when I was with the ex before last I had an episode I get very rarely but is very agonizing. Doctors can't quite figure it out, they think it's something to do with a bad nerve near my heart if I remember right. Basically I feel like I have indigestion but the cramps spread throughout my jaw and shoulders. It feels like I'm being crushed and stabbed around my shoulders and I can't move or function, it's agonizing pain in waves. I normally just cry from the pain but it was fucking  ridiculous one night so I was literally wailing. All I could feel were these excruciating waves of agony from my jaw to my shoulders. So I was laying on the bed nearly paralyzed from it because every time I moved it hurt worse. And my ex started yelling at me to stop it. “Stop crying! Just stop this!!” Then he huffed out of the room angry and I literally forgot about him because I was in too much pain to care. He didn't calm down until I did, because he couldn't stand my cries of pain. He didn't offer to do anything to help.

In 2017 I got the same thing, RIGHT before my last ex came over. He texted me to unlock the door and the second he saw me he knew I wasn't right. I could only gasp to him that I was sick because of the pain again radiating around my shoulders making it so I couldn't move my neck. I choked out the my body was seized up and he instantly took action. He filled up the bathtub and put me down in it and started working his hands around my shoulders to try and loosen up my muscles or whatever was causing the pain. It eventually went away and I apologized for ruining the night. He said that I hadn't and that I was also never under any obligation to have sex with him. He said we could always do whatever I wanted, even when I wasn't sick. I will never forget his kindness because once when I was having horrible period cramps I had another ex tell me that he wished I could just fuck him anyway or at least blow him when I was sick. Sometimes it really does feel like most people only care about themselves.

#Pain #Personal #Kidney stones #Health #Selfie

[gascon-en-exil]

I Liked Fates Before It Was Cool!: Conquest Part 1

Prologue

Opening Chapters

Chapters 6-14, in which if you squint really hard there might be a plot in there somewhere.

Chapter 6

But let’s not be unfair right from the start. Conquest offers what I consider the best version of Chapter 6, both as a narrative introduction to the route and as a gameplay challenge fitting the difficulty of what’s to come. Birthright is basically just Ryoma soloing Xander and Revelation throws you against generics, but here you have to make use of all the Nohr royals to defeat all but one unit on the Hoshidan side - and being able to take care of Ryoma quickly enough nets you a prize of sorts in that you don’t have to beat up an unarmed Sakura. The chapter also sets up the tense undercurrent of Conquest that Corrin chose wrong, that the Hoshidans (except Takumi) think they’ve been brainwashed and that their love for their adopted siblings is meaningless. On the one hand it feels rather spineless that what is supposedly a villain campaign is hesitant to allow Corrin to own their choice and makes it sound like blatant railroading by the player, but on the other there’s something to be said for the contrast between how Xander and Ryoma deal with Corrin’s decision. After two refusals in Birthright Xander is happy to label Corrin a traitor and becomes determined to kill them for their choice, whereas Ryoma persists in his brainwashing theory and in so doing denies Corrin’s agency completely. That actually works fairly well as setup for an antagonist - if we allow that Ryoma is one, of course, and the game itself seems uncomfortable with the concept.

Chapter 7

...And all my goodwill toward this story dries up almost immediately. There’s flat villainy, there’s a bunch of self-doubt from Corrin over their choice, and there’s foreshadowing that only adds to the confusion if you already know what’s going on. It’s kind of a mess, and it’s pretty much all downhill from here.

I have little to say about this chapter as it stands, except that it’s appropriately difficult and that the conflict feels fitting in terms of tone and atmosphere...even though it only exists because of the aforementioned flat villainy. I instead want to zero in on the moment pictured above, in which Garon “prays” to Anankos to deliver unto him the plot of the next few chapters in front of Corrin and Iago and the Nohr royals. Bizarrely, it’s Iago who goes furthest in calling Garon out on how absurd this is, though not even he bothers to ask who or what Anankos is or if he’s the same entity as Nohr’s Dusk Dragon.

Ok, I know I might be the only person in the fandom who regularly complains about the absence of pseudo-Catholic elements in Fates when they’re present in every other game in the series, but on a fundamental level I do get it. The priest -> sage/war monk class line from Awakening was given to Hoshido, so it makes perfect sense that those classes would be shifted over to the blend of Shintoism and Buddhism that comprises Japanese spirituality. It’s also not unheard of for a nation or group of people in FE to worship a dark dragon/god in lieu of the main organized faith, ex. the Lopytrians from Jugdral, Rigel’s Duma Faithful, and Plegia’s Grimleal. As seen with Salem from FE5 and Tharja and Henry from 13 it’s even fairly common for playable dark magic users in the games to come from the ranks of those faiths. I therefore don’t have a problem with the theory that there’s a theological element to Nohr’s dark mages and that it ties into the Dusk Dragon - who may or may not also be Anankos - in some way. The problem is that we never see any definitive evidence that this is the case, not even enough to understand how unusual it is in this scene to see Garon praying to Anankos. When Iago sounds like the closest thing to a voice of a reason you know the plot’s got some problems. For all we’re told Nohr’s clergy are just bookworms moonlighting as strippers with a crow feather fetish.

Chapter 8

It’s strange how easy it is to forget this guy exists since he only appears in Conquest in this one chapter, but the Ice Tribe maids do indeed have a father. Where was he during Chapter 17 of Birthright?

This brings up an interesting - or as some would probably call it, lazy - quirk of Fates’s map design. The early and midgame sections of all three routes are full of maps that get reused across routes, or different maps of the same location like the previous one and Birthright Chapter 18. I’m feeling rather charitable about this decision personally, for two reasons:

1) In most cases the reused maps are approached from different angles and feature different, sometimes opposing gimmicks. The Ice Tribe village map, for example, sees you racing to visit as many villages as possible in Conquest but encourages you to avoid them in Birthright, and the function of the Dragon Veins in the middle of the route differs depending on the route.

2) Fates’s worldbuilding needs all the help it can get, and visiting the same locations in multiple routes adds a degree of continuity that the story on its own often struggles to display.

See, cost-cutting measures don’t have to be a bad thing if you use them creatively! 

This chapter also deserves some praise for having a more plausible point of conflict than its Wind Tribe counterpart in Birthright. Instead of Iago’s shenanigans Elise grabs the conflict ball because no one taught her basic diplomacy, and Corrin saves the day through their first of many acts of pacifism on this route. It is a bit strange to have the characters talking about how Corrin’s army spared everyone just after you’ve finished mowing down a bunch of generics, but not unlike Niles I can use my imagination.

Chapter 9

A wild loli appears! Ugh...Nyx is one of several characters in Fates who could have been interesting with better execution. As it is, her best use is as a punchline or somebody’s fap material of course.

This chapter has nothing to do with her though really. Instead it’s just a set of contrivances - how did a Hoshidan force make it so deeply into Nohr so quickly (for comparison, Corrin’s army reaches the same location in Birthright by Chapter 20), and why did they bring Azura all this way with them if their only plan was to kill her? I do appreciate the reminder that Nohr and Hoshido are actually at war now as the rest of the Conquest’s early plot is more concerned with putting down rebellions, but some kind of logical reason for Azura’s reappearance would have been nice.

Still, this chapter goes further than most at showing an explicit example of Hoshidan racism, even if Azura is quick to absolve the royals (except Takumi, I assume) of any wrongdoing. I genuinely have no idea if we’re meant to interpret this as Stockholm Syndrome, or if the writers couldn’t bear to vilify all of Hoshido even for one chapter.

Chapter 10

Like a number of other defense maps in the series, this is the most infamous chapter of its game, and depending on who you’re using and how it can indeed live up to its reputation. I don’t care for how this makes for an uneven bump in Conquest’s difficulty curve, but with such varied chapter goals and mechanics on this route that was likely inevitable at some point.

For all that it’s a memorable piece of gameplay though there’s not too much to talk about in terms of story. Takumi is established as a strong and motivated antagonist right from his first reappearance after the route split, and as I said back in Birthright it’s a good look for him. He and Oboro are among the few Hoshidans who really make more sense as antagonists than as allies, and even though it devolves into yet another round of possession in the end there’s something very real to Takumi’s feelings of betrayal and inadequacy, to say nothing of his grief over his mother which unlike in Birthright barely comes up otherwise.

Also, Camilla is here, but with only a bit of retainer banter to flesh her out she’s more or less the same as FE10 Haar in Chapter 2-E of that game: overleveled flying death, with only a few stray bits of effective damage to worry about.

Chapter 11

The Sevenfold Sanctuary appears again, this time with tricky skill combos to contend with like archers with Counter and ninjas with Lunge as well as more of the by now common enemy pair-ups and a boss with an unfair enemy-only weapon. Does anyone else find it strange just how many such weapons exist in Fates?

In this route it’s the Hoshidans who get to troll Corrin, dragging the Rainbow Sage up Mount Sagesse for no real reason and doing their best to not sound like they’re invading a sovereign territory and kidnapping its most venerable inhabitant who also happens to be an ancient dragon. Granted the Nohrians’ mission feels a bit confused as well, as dialogue vacillates between Garon wanting to conquer Notre Sagesse and everyone else wanting the Rainbow Sage’s power. The two sort of come together in the end with Iago ordering the Sage’s death, though if there’s a logical explanation for Garon/Anankos’s continued desire to see Corrin suffer but not die it’s beyond me. That Corrin gets an eventual sword power-up out of the deal feels almost accidental on this route.

Incidentally, while he doesn’t get the gravity of a potential death scene in this version I do like how Kaze joins up with the Nohrians. It conveys the subtext of his connection to Corrin while not coming across as a weird obsession like his approximate counterpart Silas does in Birthright. Speaking of which, I’ve noticed that Silas gets a decent amount of the protagonist chorus roles in Conquest even when some of the royals are available. Eh...they are supposed to be BFFs.

Chapter 12

Now that’s just not as funny as the version of this picture with Takumi.

Elise comes down with a case of the plot, and as a consequence we bear witness to Ryoma’s most infamous act of dickishly non-heroic behavior. I’ve seen it argued back and forth that Ryoma withholding medicine from Elise in an attempt to coerce Corrin into returning to Hoshido constitutes a war crime, but regardless of semantics it is a surprisingly underhanded tactic for someone like him. Now that I think about it Birthright shows off this side of him as well, when he disguises himself as a Nohrian soldier at Cheve to ambush Leo. Not exactly becoming a shining exemplar of heroism here awkwardly forced into the antagonist role...but then he goes off about how his retainers have a more righteous cause than Xander’s and suddenly I lose what little sympathy I had for him. Sure, one of the retainers he’s insulted is Peri, but on the whole that’s an eminently hateable level of self-righteous posturing.

This chapter is quite fun, if a bit chaotic with all the random effects from the pots. For some reason I always forget about the turn limit, which can become an unexpected source of stress when there are shrine maidens spamming status staves to slow you down and such. Fates (and Conquest specifically) is the one game other than Thracia that frequently turns enemy staff wielders into serious threats, and this chapter combined with Azama’s Hexing Rod in the previous one show that off thoroughly.

Chapter 13

Pictured: a subtle and nuanced depiction of villainy.

Aside from his sudden reappearance and this one still, Hans is actually...not that bad here though? Corrin points out how weird it is that they (and the player) are expected to forgive him after he attempted to kill Corrin at the Bottomless Canyon, and the worst atrocities of Hans’s army - particularly Scarlet’s death - are effectively gruesome because they’re left for the player to imagine. It’s comparable to how FE8 handles the ghastly presence of Orson’s wife. It is pretty silly how much is made over Hans clearly enjoying his work when Peri was recruited in the last chapter and Reina is also in this game (in this chapter, even), or that explicit bloodlust among the playable cast has shown up before in past FEs in characters like FE7 Karel. Player-centered morality, yay!

In any case, there’s also a good deal of genuine character complexity on display in this chapter too. Takumi is still consumed by grief and rage and lashes out specifically at the bond Corrin shares with the Nohrian sisters, calling attention to his increasing isolation from even his own siblings. Between taking an arrow in a cutscene and last chapter’s illness Elise just can’t catch a break, can she? Camilla too gets to show a rare bit of character for this route, encouraging Corrin to keep their head down and go along with Garon’s orders because self-centered pragmatism is how she’s learned to survive in situations where she can’t solve problems with violence and/or sex. 

Chapter 14

What an incredibly effective disguise. No one would ever recognize her. 

Ok, ok, the audience at the opera is seeing her from a distance and obscured by all the water effects, but it’s still pretty dumb that Corrin of all people can’t put two and two together here.

Honestly, as much as I enjoy the opera house setting and praised its appearance in Birthright this chapter all falls into that same generally silly vein. There’s again no logical explanation provided for Garon’s trip to Nestra, the enemy combatants on this map are a random squad of Hoshidans unrelated to the unfolding story, Keaton’s recruitment has even less buildup than Kaden’s did, and everything culminates in Leo teaching Corrin the obscure and arcane art of lying and in so doing bequeathing him with a sword upgrade because that’s what passes for (anti)heroism on this route. There’s not even much in the way of gameplay to discuss, which is disappointing when contrasted against the Birthright version. 

I would however like to close this post by reiterating the point I made at the start: so far, this route is severely lacking in an actual plot. All of Corrin’s movements since returning to Nohr have been directed by Garon (and Anankos by extension, though his motives remain vague even if you know the full story). In a way this helps to reinforce the feeling that the Nohrian royals are trapped in abusive situation, though that would be an unusually deep psychological reading of what is in reality an unfocused plot. The following chapter and what comes of it ought to be proof enough that any similarities between Conquest’s narrative structure and the familial issues of its main cast are purely coincidental. 

Next time: Conquest Chapter 15 - 20

#Fire Emblem #Fire Emblem Fates #Fire Emblem Conquest #FE14

[chilledplantmum]

In 2017 I moved in with my partner of 7 years we built the house from scratch with a ‘gift’ from his family of 30,000

We moved in and the violence started and escalated I developed an eating disorder and I was held at knife point and guilted into sex everyday and if refused it would be 3 days punishment of silence.

I would come home exhausted from full time work everyday and have to undo all the mess that man had left and he would say you need to keep on top of the chores I don’t have any underwear left.

My job at the time was a social worker with the homeless in st kilda where I received death threats regularly and tried my best to stop people over dosing or trying to hurt themselves.

An ambulance or police attendance was not foreign everyday was a fight to help others at the detriment of my own mental health.

I couldn’t not count how many people thanked me for stopping them from suicide or overdose.

The day I left I was verbally assaulted and threatened with death on my way to work.. I ran to my workplace in tears and they said take the day off and said that I would have to use my sick leave as it happened on the way to work.. this was confirmed by work cover calling to see if I could make a claim...

I left shortly after and then the man I was with started financially abusing me all the money in our joint savings account was disappearing in the thousands he claimed it was $1000 for our electricity bill which was my fault as I never turned the lights off....

He brought himself a brand new car which cost $25,000 and we remortgaged the house to pay it off, he stole my credit card and maxed it out...

He then got into a car crash with my personal car wrote it off and got a loan for a new one for me in his name with the deposit coming from insurance...

He then started suffering severe mental health and would often call me at work saying he had cut his legs open and needed me to take him to hospital...

I begged the outreach team to take on his case they refused as he was ‘fully functional’ in his face to face appointments.

I started finally working at a new job with youth services working to reduce juvenile offending and since I started I kept over 40 young people out of the criminal justice system and 90% surveyed that has interactions with me their mental health and self esteem improved.

I then being financially independent as tired of the abuse from my ex partner which had only escalated to more violence threats and sexual assaults which then turned into him denying they ever happened.

The day I packed up and left was the day he hit me across the face and seconds later said it didn’t happen.

He threatened to kill himself if I left and I said I just couldn’t do it anymore so he took my car and said you’ll never see me again...

I called the police and told them what was going on and they said they’ll do a search and put out a report and did a welfare check on me and said would you like to file an AVO I said no as if he’s still alive it would just put me in more harms way.

The psych team called me 4 hours later and said do you know this man and I said yes and they said we have no beds can you take him home?

I said no he longer has a place to come too and I’m moving in to crisis accommodation.

They asked me to pack him a bag of clothes and said I could drop it off at the door but the psych team made me drop in his room and I’ll never forget the death stare he gave me.

So I put the house on the market and just as I was about to sell it he said he would not sign the contract unless I gave the 30,000 back that was stated in the stat dec it was a gift so he could not do this... I called a lawyer while at work and they said I was entitled to the money but the cost of fighting it would see me lose any money I was able to get to move out.

So I signed it gave it back the house was sold and in the new property I made a deposit and my mum gave me the missing bit of money I needed to get over the threshold for the deposit and to reach 95% of the loan.

I collected all my things and moved everything myself with the help of a amazing moving company.

I was still working full time but the mortgage was still a bit unmanageable so I rented out 2 rooms of my 3 bedroom unit.

I didn’t over capiltilise I chose the smallest unit that worked for my lifestyle.

6 months after I moved in and had still been working full time I had 3 mentally ill youths on my 20+ caseload, they all attempted suicide and I spent weeks taking them in and out of hospital and then when another youth was caught and put in custody for a long sentence for shoplifting at 14. I made sure all my kids were safe went home and tried to take my life. I survived luckily and spent 2 weeks in the John cade ward.

While I was in hospital my roommates trashed my house and when I finally got home my house smelt of weed and urine I asked them to leave and stayed at my mum’s with my dog for awhile.

I got back to work 4 weeks later major exhaustion and depression setting in and the first symptoms of a major disability and health crisis to come.

After a year on my own and working to pay as much of my mortgage off as possible. I finally met someone 2 months later I was diagnosed with osteo arthritis and burstitis in both hips and the exhaustion was never ending.

I started a new project as I had become a senior member of the youth work team, I was working towards a community project with refugee and at risk youth communities to get feedback for how to improve youth services to reduce youth offending in the melbourne west community.

And then the workload doubled the pressure was intense and the long hours with my mental and psychical health declining for a mystery cause that lead to a few close calls on the way home in my car from work from exhaustion to the point of nearly falling asleep at the wheel.

Being on call to some of the more severe youth cases was becoming too much and lack of support from child protection and other gaps in government funding with an over saturation of punitive measures for youth I ended driving myself to hospital Emergency after a confrontation with my superior.

After that I felt like a complete and utter failure fighting for kids that were just abused and neglected and I couldn’t help them.

My family finally had to beg me to let go of working for the sake of keeping me alive.

My new partner moved in and then coronavirus lock down began in Victoria. We had an unsuspected surprise that I fell pregnant and I was so happy, I had a very sick and prolonged health crisis in pregnancy and in august at 22 weeks I had a severe infection we lost our son and I ended barely surviving in ICU including not having any visitors besides my partner for 2 hours a day once a day due to covid hospital restrictions.

After the still birth I came home and was still suffering extreme pain and was refused care by the hospital and I was making it up.

I went private and was found to have retained infected placenta. I had another round of the strongest antibiotics available.

Shortly after I had been referred to a private rheumatologist and not only was a I diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis it was found I had juvenile arthritis my entire life.

I then lost my uncle and could not attend the funeral again because of covid stage 4 lockdown.

I struggled through the Christmas period staying locked down due to severe pain even though lockdown had been eased.

I finally succeeded to apply for the disability support pension as I knew I could not pay my mortgage when the corona virus supplement had ended and motherhood was not an option until remission occurs as my disability had gotten so severe my partner had become my full time carer. He also was approved for the carers payment to care for myself and my disability.

I was knocked back not for the reason of missing the points or stabilization of my condition as I had both. It was rejected on the condition of that had not been in a program of support long enough.

The mortgage payments are due to start back this week and we will survive but not comfortably as my walker has broken and I was rejected for NDIS support due to ineligibility for not being disabled enough. So I will have to either wait another month for the appeal process or self fund a walker. Meanwhile not being able to access the community due to lack of accessibility.

This week has been breaking point as my job provider called and said I had been transferred to the DES and would need to do 18 months of job searching even though my hands are now cramped everyday and are starting to deform from overuse, inflammation and rheumatoid arthritis degeneration. The inflammation is causing severe aphasia daily and my carer now has to take all calls from DES and CENTRELINK as I just have a panic attack on instant call dial and pick up.

The fact that I was told if I do not attend an appointment if I was too sick I would have my payments suspended.

I also have just been rejected from the DSP from the second time and now I haven’t checked but legally I cannot work from my Total and permanent disability approved claim however having been rejected by my DSP claim and having to apply for 8 jobs a month as a administrative process however I’m terrified of being sued from the insurance company as I have been deemed unable to work.

Today I am contacting the tribunal today hoping for updates.

#my story #story time #domestic violence #mental health #awareness #survivor #victim

[calvillophoto]

How to get new hairstyle

Why is it that terrible things happen to great men and women? * Require Robert Pattison: The Dior alumnus may possibly possess the capability to violate one million hearts, however he regularly forgets that gray tops result in a inadequate sponge. Subsequently there is Kanye, that, at his ancient courtship of all KimK, misplaced his pants on departing acar on Datenight.

 But like clothes, a Poor puppy can Become a lot more crushing. We could certainly fix a cringe-inducing motto teeshirt, however peroxide and perms simply take weeks to develop. And, pub a buzz clip, the answers aren't -- some of that these renowned faces understand all also.

 *Ok,'excellent' may possibly become described as a subjective word.

 Brad Pitt

Subsequently & Today

 We are all accountable for allowing ourselves Go/keying that our ex's auto following having a break, yet this throw back in the occasions if Brangelina ended up a thing should function as an warning into Pitt.

 "The unkempt, straggly hair using all the Over-grown blossom has been created all the more challenging with all the chin-hanging beads,''" claims Joth Davies, operator of Savills Barbers and also ambassador for Your fantastic British Grooming Co."The challenge could be the deficiency of care -- hair thinning is invisibly to blossom that immediately morphs in to cave-man."

 Inspite of the Cast Away appearance, he is not marooned only however, Provides Davies:"Your blossom is yelling out to get a cut. An groundbreaking fade into your facial skin for somewhat briefer, thinner fashion would neaten up everything -- even a trimming Pitt works in Fury."

 George Clooney

Subsequently & Today

 "Bleach blonde is really a catchy movement," clarifies Daniel Johnson, Panasonic dressing ambassador and Hair-stylist to everybody by the England soccer group to Du Bai royalty. "It's not helped from the moist appearance gel spikes -- both just two motions which read midlife crisis."

 This treatment is about natural,'' Johnson states. Clooney's appearance works great if adopting the silver and sporting a more traditional cut which will be certainly less Wiki Leaks, a lot more oscar-winner.

 Jonah Hill

Subsequently & Today

 Jonah Hill's transformation out of fat Funny man to personality god at this moment has never gone undetected about those pages within the last calendar year. The Truth Is That the Wolf of Wall Road celebrity clocked in number two on our listing of The Best-Dressed Adult Men on the Planet. But it was not necessarily that manner.

 Case in point: if he's believed'white man' And also'afro' belonged at an identical sentence. "Jonah Hill's Hair is very thick also includes incredible appeal, with its own edges," states Joe Mills, creator of London's Joe and Co,"however in this case, the design of the trim and also the way its styled does just enrich his rounded facial capabilities.

 The follicular deal with? Proceed brief. "The cropped Look really functions and matched along with all the beard it surely affects the design of your own head. Since his own hair really is indeed short that the depth and flake he's is an problem "

 Justin Timberlake

Subsequently & Today

 Tremendous Noodles: poor from the bowl, worse On your mind. Even soda priest Justin Timberlake could not gut this particular one.

 "Justin includes a Great Deal of Pure feel, and That the quantity of product or service makes his own hair appear oily and congealed," claims that the grasp barber in Ted's Grooming space. "Pair this with all yellowish bleach and also you're dining outside to a horrible hair-do."

 The cure with the particular microwave monstrosity? "Thick, curled hair ought to really be treated having a milder putty to simply help individual clumps though maintaining feel. You just need a pea-sized dollop to disperse from origin to tip"

 Paul Pogba

Subsequently & Today

 Cockatoo-do has been that the emphasize of 2015 Serie A year old. Away from the pitch, but the appearance is better retained into the aviary.

"The Issue with this clip Is the Fact That It will Nothing because of his confront contour," states Matthew Hughes, operator of London-based Idris Barbering Co."It is a familiar matter footballers do if seeking to out do every single they move for some thing that no person needs earlier, however there is normally grounds they've not."

 That is not to mention a snip Needs to Be dull . Do the job. "His limited dreads are way more flattering and reveal his bone arrangement nicely," adds Hughes. "Subsequently to incorporate this piece of gap he demonstrably desires the barber has ever used a challenging tram lineup to divide the upper and surfaces of hair"

 Shia LaBeouf

Subsequently & Today

 Sorry Shia, however, the Rat-tail goes Below the newspaper tote together side the selfinvolved picture marathons, plagiarism suit and interpretive dance motions.

 "The only plait is much better satisfied to Nineties Sub Urban schoolgirls,''" claims Ruffians resourceful manager Denis Robinson. "That leaves that the genuine under-cut more intense. Wrong on many degrees "

 Much like his honestly eccentric livelihood, LaBeouf's Finest bet is really to clean up his act. "The components ought to really be shaved down into some regular you to soften the cut, then then liquefy upwards high to conceal the disconnection. Regarding the plait,'' I don't have any words"

 Bradley Cooper

Subsequently & Today

 Bradley Cooper might be Hollywood's saviour, however that is to not function as Confused with that the Saviour, Jesus Christ, even though the trimming.

 "A guy with high cheekbones and also a nose that is cracked Have to prevent a center separation," claims Adam Gore of Barberology, that has been voted'barber-shop of this season' in the UK's initial yearly Barber awards. "as well as, the hair color pops his skin out tone," he provides.

 His present no nonsense crop can be actually a mode which may be ruffled or slicked backwards as Appropriate.

[thecoroutfitters]

Following the get together together with Clay surfaces, Hannah will be strolling again. Nonetheless, once the subject connected with committing suicide has been talked about, everybody assumed they only eventually left of which please note with regard to consideration. So, as i examine of a associated with my favorite ebooks being a video, The truth is, I used to be quickly interested. Fit everything in with your ability to help your kid to love math concepts. We’re also the actual generating regarding know-how. These two publications resemble meaning likely very easily relatable. Through Hannah’s registered speech, the girl classmates discover the main reasons why the lady chose to bring her living.

Essay Theme 3

No matter whether we like of which you aren’t, mathematics is now an ever more important aspect in various industries. This is the time Hannah understands this is the suitable final decision to spend suicide. Every one of the character types, such as Hannah, wound up with the search so that you can without a doubt obtain this sort of factors. Marcus occurs about 50 % one hour later on while he assumed these folks were only joshing in relation to achieving. He ended up being man or woman while in the history that didn’t use a damaging have an effect on Hannah’s life. Got any individual proven the woman the level of appreciate, respect and consideration they demonstrate your ex throughout passing, maybe she would have realized the force to not ending the woman account. urgent 3h supply guaranteed

Reidenberg said Shows and flicks could bring up recognition along with promote debate regarding destruction without having showing to glamorize this. At this moment in her living, he’d made a decision he want to turn out to be a strong grade school trainer. I started experience sympathy intended for Hannah after i came to the realization the woman’s despression symptoms revolved around a mindsets connected with teenage life. The lady talks about the best way just about every mirrored a reason to use Hannah’s everyday living far from the girl. Freshmen 12 months regarding high school, Hanna has a smash for him or her. This can be the most vital area because Hannah could have made it through coming from her ache.

Written through Akshay

That builds up your common sense, helps us to get logical contemplating, quickens our head, creates practicality and as well their make use of can be applied inside day by day. He went to Cuesta university following this individual graduated highschool, majoring inside primary training. Jessica and also Hannah can discuss distinctive information, having said that Hannah was betrayed by simply Jessica. Possibly it’s not true at the beginning of his or her vocation, however it is undoubtedly realistic to trust thus. Anyone thought they has been major as well as dirty as he wasn’t. Nevertheless, things are placed in an alternative point of view any time the woman matches Clay courts Jensen; standing and also connections will be worried.

Whether or not people present this or not, I must say i consider everyone has a compact thing that they really like with regards to every single person. I became wondering that explains why Hannah could have killed micro more than a series of unpleasant but is not quite disastrous activities, on the other hand, I started to recognize rrt had been a part of the level. Hannah’s continue position showed that men and women don’t proper care sufficient to a target any one but on their own. At a school occasion, right after Hannah kissed Clay along with forcing them back away, if perhaps Clay courts would not abandon, Clay courts helps to keep trusting in which Hannah might have were built with a need to make it. This individual seemed to be on your own in the report this didn’t use a bad have an effect on Hannah’s everyday living. At this occasion, Hannah engages in a manual sex with Bryce. Recognized there was clearly an after social gathering of Courtney’s plus Bryce Runner received welcome your ex.

Seeing that time period made, Hannah observed that she couldn’t always be good friends primarily of your other kids. Yet, the reason that the lady retained her thoughts along with feelings in order to very little has been mainly because it could’ve unfold to extra gossip. After you wreak havoc on one particular element of a new person’s life, you’re messing using their complete living. She related the matter to some “snowball” consequence.

He / she discovered that from time to time it’s definitely not whatever you perform but what anyone don’t achieve that is important. As you become a greater distance as well as deeper into the guide and you “hear” every one of her explanations, you can begin to find out any deeper sales message. The girl later wholly commited destruction by swallowing capsules. Once the party together with Clay surfaces, Hannah will be taking walks rear.

As you become deeper plus further to the e-book so you “hear” all of the girl motives, you can start to check out a new deeper message. Scholars begin to build rumors in relation to Hannah as well as amount of money and also rumors enhance until Hannah is no longer capable of handling each of the rumours. Then when an individual wreak havoc on just one section of the person’s lifestyle, you’re definitely not playing merely this component. You can find truths that we find and this derived from the evidence and not within the emotional baggage. Hannah starts function as a object connected with sexual harassment, your intimate image. old, and contains also been committed pertaining to eight several years. Hannah instantly inquired one among your ex course instructors to get assist, nevertheless the teacher has been very covered by her own daily life to present the girl just about any.

Either teens move through distinct conditions, but they also the two ought to want to dwell or perhaps expire. She relevant the situation with a “snowball” result. Not implying “hello,” to a person might be the difference between a great morning along with a negative working day. In the education bash, right after Hannah kissed Clay courts and also pressuring them keep your distance, in the event that Clay courts would not abandon, Clay-based continues trusting this Hannah would have were built with a need to live. With a university bash, just after Hannah kissed Clay-based along with forcing your ex back away, in the event Clay surfaces did not go away, Clay surfaces helps to keep feeling this Hannah might have has a reason to survive.

Written by means of Akshay

Be sure to, speak way up, discover the enable you to are entitled to rather than, ever before, whack your wax luminous available. With the aid of research such as arithmetic, you will keep away from a complete waste of funds various plans in addition to recommendations which you believe that will let you. He could be at the moment working on his 2nd Teen fresh, and it has published several image textbooks in addition to film scripts. Declaring “hello” to a person may entirely change complete all-around.

Essay Matter 3

They are going to quickly notice that Hannah’s accidental / accident death wasn’t therefore dog. I wouldn’t alter anything concerning the ebook since i thought it experienced a really interesting and strange story however the plot of land placed a terrific concept. Since one of the best Youtuber Kati Morton says, “Recovery is often a method, never efficiency.” It is a little something we all work on daily. “We desired to carry out in such a way exactly where it had become honest and that we planned to make a thing that can i hope essay experts aid men and women for the reason that destruction shouldn’t ever be a choice,” Gomez points out inside the 30-minute featurette “Beyond the causes,” sold about Netflix. By the end of this fresh, Clay ways of talk with someone he or she fulfilled nonetheless in no way spoken with. In the videos, Hannah states her pain, views, in addition to movement in the direction of every person. The particular book takes people on the inside from the child thoughts connected with fantastic persona, Hannah Baker, seeing that your woman recalls situations this led the girl to your conclusion to adopt her lifestyle.

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[loser-circle]

How Meditation Saved My Mind

So get into this, I have been in therapy for a little over 2 months and it has seriously been one of the things that have kept me above ground, among other things. During one of my session, my therapist asked me to engage in some meditation and mindfulness practises. I teach these practices at my job but never really done them myself and so when I said yes I'd look into it when my therapist asked I seriously had not intended on doing either of the two. And so left that session, went to work the next day and met with a client of my own and asked for her to engage in some mindfulness activities. I even went over a detailed list of things that she can do over the week until we meet next week. I have this bad habit of telling people how to live their best life (kinda) but I am terrible at doing this for myself. I am not sure how it went about but there was one day I was on the App Store and I was looking for some game app and then I had a thought that was like, “you should look up some meditation apps,” and so that is what I did. I download about three or four apps to try them all out to see which one would be a good fit. I am now down to two and when I chose those apps I really only used them for nature sounds so that I could do my work. It was helping a bit but I continued to find my emotions getting the best of me. As someone with a mood disorder, my mood fluctuates but my emotions also fluctuate. It was interfering with my productivity at work and when I went home chile, I was an emotional mess crying and carrying on, it was truly a mess. 

Then, one day I went on one of the apps called Zen and there were some free features and so I was like you know what I will try them out and see. I had this idea in my head that I don’t care how good the app is I am not buying the full version of this app, no way! So there I was listening to some of the free music, chants, mantras and whatnot and I was seriously digging what I was hearing. So I would listen to the free sounds or audios and I really never went to the meditations and what not because in my head I just did not have the time to meditate. I can remember going out about day feeling like I was functioning but in the back of my head, I felt like I was running myself into the ground. I felt like why am I so overwhelmed when things seem to be going a little bit better. It was literally making no sense at all to me and I prayed on it and prayed but The Most High was quiet on this situation. 

So, something that I have not mentioned before, I have gotten into reading my horoscope and I do it usually daily. I don't always take it seriously even when I am told things that are exactly what I am going through, I usually do not take it that seriously. So one day I was on this website that I usually go on and I was reading my horoscope and it was cute or whatever and then I see this link to a sister page that showed you tarot cards and what not. Again, I do not think of these things as being super serious but I went over to that website anyway and I began to mess around the site to see what tarots it would give to me day to day. Stick with me, I am going somewhere here! There was one day I was reading a horoscope and tarots and it said something to the effect of, 

incorporating a daily practice of mindfulness and meditation will lead to doing me some good. It had said that almost every day for a week and it was like okay, one of the things I have been challenging myself is being opened to what the Universe/The Most High is providing to me. So that is what I did!

I pulled up that Zen app and I remember being furious about something minute probably and I just could not calm myself down and I remember there was guided meditation for when you feel angry. So, chile, I had 15 minutes before I had to go to some meeting at work and it was about 8:35 am and I proceeded to listen to guided meditation, challenging myself to be fully present with this process. That was about a month ago and I get chills at how my life is so different. 

I don't think y'all understand, like I meditation every day now! Like I have been telling the ex, to tend to his breathing and to meditate as often as he can. He reported back tome that he has been cool and calm at work when he is usually flying off the handle. Not my problem, but I thought I could help. I meditate several times a day like I will go into my office during breaks and just meditate before my next group. I will go in there not so anxious and ready to have a good group no matter what. I was in this really good space, but then my negative thoughts figured they’d make an unwanted appearance. So, my illness presents itself a few ways and one of those ways is having this flood that seems like it will never stop of negative thoughts and emotions usually about myself. Those negative thoughts were telling me that I would only do this for a spell and then I will forget about it to only do it 5 years later, you know sorta like this blog, shade! Those negative thoughts also said to me that I would retain any of this mediations anyway so what was the point of doing them. That I would only do them when I got to work and that would only be when I would meditate. I began to think that those negative thoughts had a point. I was starting to believe them, chile, I am glad that I did not believe those thoughts all the way. 

One day, I was on my way to work and I was having one of those days when my mood was more depressed. I was oversensitive and people were starting to get on my nerves early in the morning and I was getting really angry. Then I was like let me turn on this anger meditation and listen to it, that it seemed to help when I was at work it will sure work in this case, right? Yes, by the time it was over I was relaxed and calmed. Like I fully committed to this guided meditation and I did not care if people were looking at me breathing in all heavy or what not, bitch I was trying to help myself from setting this whole train ablaze, assholes! It was about a 2-5 minute guided meditation and as I said before, I was so relaxed and calmed and I was like I might need to do this every day when I am on the train. So, that has been exactly what I have been doing. I do my guided meditation and then I start my studying on the train to music that helps me to concentrate. I have noticed a change in my demeanour when I get to work. Don’t get me wrong, like I still have my attitudes and what not but like I know that if I tend to my breathing and remember those guided meditations I will be okay. Like I truly believe that, honestly. 

So how has it saved my life, well I will tell you. I had a psychiatric consultation on Monday 11/19/18 and my driver was a complete fucktard and usually, I would have snatched this man up and it would have been a problem. I was still upset, but I said to him “if you put me out in a neighbourhood that I do not know, I am going to report you, sir, I am not going to go back and forth with you, I am simply going to report you.” This man looked me in my face and gave me very much, you need to get out of my car and so I did just that. I did even get a few feet from the man's car and I was already on the Lyft app reporting his ass. I remember being furious at the situation but outwardly I was cool, calmed, collective, and in control of me. By the time I got to the hospital for my psychiatric consultation I wasn't even bothered, I was walking like this never happened. But not in one of my suppress something like it never happened! Like I was aware that it happened but I was not going to let this piece of shit driver ruin my day. I had been having a good day so far, I took the day off and I was in a great mood and I would be damned if this driver was going to ruin my mood! That was my decision and no one is going to take that choice from me! 

But, while I was talking to driver I was tending to my breathing, and I was playing in my mind a river guided meditation that I did (I won't get into the meditation here, maybe for another day) and I realised that I was meditating right in this very situation with no guidance just from my previous experience. I was meditating and I was able to (at end of this) get my money back from Lyft! The consultation was many things but it went well all the same! I realised then, that this meditation thing really helped me. I was practising mindfulness (mundane task focusing) before I was put out of the car and I realised that mindfulness was helping me as well. I remember saying to myself as I left the consultation, the shit that I teach these clients actually works! 

Doing something simple as tending to my breathing, has been one of the things that have saved my mind. It was one of those things where I reflected on the fact that while I am alive I am breathing and thought no big deal of that, I mean I was thankful for being alive and breathing but it wasn't something that I paid to much attention. Yet, I am always reminding myself to tend to my breathing not only when I am about to read the eyes out of someone but just when I sit on the train, talking to someone, on the bus, walking down the road, etc I am reminded to tend to breathe. My mind, smh I am out here trying to save my mind. Practising meditation and mindfulness daily (it is one of the daily goals that I write for myself) and it has been so life changing. I reflected today while in prayer and it moved me to tears that I almost lost my mind after my ex left me. I remember putting up a post on Facebook not too long ago something to effect of, “you don’t know how valuable your mind is until you almost lost your mind.” Breathing is a sign that you are alive, but I wasn’t alive. I was alive in the physical but not in the mental and tending to my breathing through meditation and mindfulness(more so meditation) has helping me to recognise that I am not only breathing because of I am alive but I am breathing because I am living! I thank God for my breathing.

Blessed Be, T. Wilkie-Palacio

#loser #meditation #mindfulness #mental health #life #save #restoration #healing #love #care #mind #body #soul #spirit

[kaylitos694u]

Time doesn’t feel real anymore. Half the time nothing feels real. I either sleep too much or not enough because of nightmares or unsettling dreams that leave me in a cold sweat or too frightened to move. I feel like a zombie all the time. My eyes feel so heavy. Every time someone looks at me I feel like they can see my lack of will to live. I’ve considered myself high functioning for a very long time but I’m starting to lose it again - I can’t read or retain information, I have mental breakdowns and start bawling at work or in class or just randomly on the sidewak when I’m walking from point A to point B. I can’t even get myself to do the things I typically like to do. When people ask me how I am I either pretend I’m okay and use my customer service persona or I’m depressingly blunt and it makes people uncomfortable. I know this is a time in my life that I’m allowed to feel not okay - but the responses you get for being honest hurt more than just saying a quick “okay” or “good” and I just don’t even want to talk to people some days. My job and classes require communication and I’m losing my ability to effectively communicate. 

I won’t even look in the mirror anymore because I hate seeing the shell of the person I used to be. I’ve never had all of my trauma well up at the same time and eat away at me like this. I miss my dog. I miss my dad. Happy memories turn to shit because my brain is so broken and just can’t let go of my last moments with them. Laying on the floor with Lula one last time stroking her paw before she took her last breath. Hearing my father say, “I don’t wanna die, baby.” I can never forget the look of fear in his eyes, I’d never seen it before. I remember curling up with him one last time. Holding his hand until his dying breath. All of it hurts. It’s like someone is continuously stabbing me in the chest. It’s hard to breath all the time. It’s hard to want to be awake and alive. All he wanted was life and all I crave is eternal rest and I feel like the biggest piece of shit on Earth.

And my poor boyfriend, my god I hate myself everyday. I feel like I’m draining the life out of him and it also hurts. Someone did that to me, and it makes me feel like I’m rising to a similar level that my ex had become toward the beginning of abusive tendencies. With the #metoo movement and everything with Kavanaugh right now all my domestic/sexual trauma is coming back to me and it’s eating away at me just as much as my grief and depression. I’ve been feeling ghost pains around my throat and in the places where my ex ripped my hair out, I hear the words my molester whispered to me while he pulled that blanket off me and started touching me. I can’t ever forget and I love with it every fucking day, all the time. It’s all so tangled and fucked up and it’s just destroying me. And the state I’m always in now is definitely hurting the love of my life and I don’t know how to change. I don’t know how to fix it. I guess S5 of Bojack got to me too. Besides being extremely triggered by the last 2 episodes with the Gina stuff (biggest reason for those ghost pains I’m sure), the quote, “You say you want to get better but you don’t know how” haunts me too. I do want to get better, I don’t know how, and I guess I’m not taking all the steps I can to be better. I don’t really know what to do ever anymore. 

I just don’t know what to do...

#personal #depression #grief

[marilynngmesalo]

NOT SO MAN OF STEEL: Henry Cavill sorry for ‘insensitive’ #MeToo remarks

NOT SO MAN OF STEEL: Henry Cavill sorry for ‘insensitive’ #MeToo remarks https://ift.tt/eA8V8J NOT SO MAN OF STEEL: Henry Cavill sorry for ‘insensitive’ #MeToo remarks

Superman Henry Cavill has apologized for remarks he made about the #MeToo movement in a recent magazine interview, in which he stated he’s terrified to talk to women for fear of being labelled a “rapist”.

The British actor was quick to respond to online backlash following a chat with GQ Australia, when he suggested flirting has become such a “delicate and careful thing” in the current climate.

In an apology sent to the Huffington Post, Cavill writes: “Having seen the reaction to an article in particular about my feelings on dating and the #metoo movement, I just wanted to apologize for any confusion and misunderstanding that this may have created.

“Insensitivity was absolutely not my intention. In light of this I would just like to clarify and confirm to all that I have always and will continue to hold women in the highest of regard, no matter the type of relationship whether it be friendship, professional, or a significant other.”

“…It’s like: ‘Well, I don’t want to go up and talk to her, because I’m going to be called a rapist or something,’” Cavill said to GQ Australia. https://t.co/2jsd3j0cDL

— HuffPost (@HuffPost) July 12, 2018

“Never would I intend to disrespect in any way, shape or form,” he adds. “This experience has taught me a valuable lesson as to the context and the nuance of editorial liberties. I look forward to clarifying my position in the future towards a subject that it so vitally important and in which I wholeheartedly support.”

In the newly-published online article, the Brit admitted he now hesitates to flirt with women, because he fears backlash from women’s rights activists, keen to expose male celebrities who go too far.

The Man Of Steel star insisted flirting with the wrong woman would be like “casting myself into the fires of hell”, adding he has never had to deal with the type of on set and behind-the-scenes sexual misconduct that helped spark the #MeToo anti-harassment movement, which launched last year.

“(I’m) fortunate enough to not be around the kind of people that behave that way,” he told GQ Australia. “(I have been in) situations with people I’ve worked with being perhaps overfamiliar with some of the actresses. But, I’ve always walked up to them and said (women), ‘Hey, are you all right? That’s creepy’.”

the full extract of henry cavill talking about the me too movement and what he's learned from it. those few things at the end may be stupid but his heart is definitely in the right place. pic.twitter.com/WMWa5PzVmh

— raman 🌹 (@etherealcavill) July 11, 2018

And Cavill likes to think he has never been “like that”, adding, “I think any human being alive today, if someone casts too harsh a light on anything, you could be like, ‘Well, OK, yeah, when you say it like that, maybe’.”

The actor then moved on to confess flirting has become such a “delicate and careful thing”, while insisting that the way men treat women in the workplace and beyond has to change.

//<![CDATA[ ( function() { pnLoadVideo( "videos", "rp32VZIRiAc", "pn_video_611882", "", "", [] ); } )(); //]]>

“It’s important to also retain the good things, which were a quality of the past, and get rid of the bad things,” he said, adding, “(There is) something wonderful about a man chasing a woman. There’s a traditional approach to that, which is nice. I think a woman should be wooed and chased, but maybe I’m old-fashioned for thinking that.

“It’s very difficult to do that if there are certain rules in place, because then it’s like, ‘Well, I don’t want to go up and talk to her, because I’m going to be called a rapist or something’. So you’re like ‘Forget it, I’m going to call an ex-girlfriend instead, and then just go back to a relationship which never really worked’.”

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[fashiontrendin-blog]

Why Every Stylish Wrist Deserves A Swiss Watch

http://fashion-trendin.com/why-every-stylish-wrist-deserves-a-swiss-watch/

Why Every Stylish Wrist Deserves A Swiss Watch

You’ve noticed the cheesy Patek Philippe ads, gazed at your boss’ Rolex during meetings, maybe even threatened to get your grandfather’s pocket watch repaired one day… and now you’ve saved a bit of cash, it’s time to bite the bullet and invest in your very own Swiss timepiece.

That last particular word is probably one of many reasons why it’s taken this long – do you really want to be the sort of man who calls his watch a ‘timepiece’? Or, even worse, a ‘chronometer’? It’s true, the watch world can be a rather snobby, anorak-clad institution, whose idiosyncrasies you might forgive if it wasn’t for the astronomical cost of joining this particular club. Even supercars manage to retain an everyman appeal (although, to be fair, there aren’t many teenagers’ bedroom walls pinned with Breitling posters).

The good news, if you’re seriously thinking about doing it, is that a decent Swiss watch is generally worth its price tag – crafted just as exactingly as a Ferrari, by artisans whose skills are generally limited to the valleys of the Swiss Jura mountains. But still, why wear one at all, when the precise time is displayed everywhere in our ‘always on’ digital age?

“There’s an element of status and style symbolism, for sure,” says ex-watchmaker and store manager Sandy Madhvani of David M Robinson jewellers, “much like that Porsche that rarely creeps over 20mph in town. But wearing any sort of watch, Swiss or not, is rarely about telling the time these days – instead, it is an investment into something sentimental and eternal…

“It’s no wonder more and more women are buying engagement watches for their new fiancés, in return for their ring.”

Greg E. Mathieson Sr./REX/Shutterstock

Madhvani’s notion of eternity isn’t so far-fetched. Just a little TLC will mean your mechanical wristwatch can tick forever – its timeworn technology is totally safe from obsolescence, unlike that shiny new smartwatch.

“With brands like Patek Philippe and Rolex,” he continues, “your watch could potentially accrue in value, even. In terms of mechanical objects, only a fully restored vintage Ferrari is capable of that. In terms of cost per wear, there’s simply no comparison – unless you can honestly name an item of clothing or pair of shoes that you’ve worn every day for years, which still looks and functions just as well?”

So Why Switzerland?

A mechanical movement is a beguiling thing to behold as well as listen to, ticking away at 28,800 vibrations per hour. Its hundred-odd tiny parts are all machined laboriously and precisely from steel or brass, polished to varying degrees of shimmer and shine, then hand-assembled by one of the world’s most skilled workforces in light-drenched mountaintop ateliers. A joyous anachronism in this digital world, with prices that can stretch to the equivalent of a three-bed Croydon semi (try Googling ‘Greubel Forsey’).

But while the underlying mechanical principles of mainsprings, gear-trains and ticking balance-wheel escapements were more-or-less shared around the world (and still are), the Swiss managed to mark themselves out from London, New York or Paris’s artisans. How? Division of labour.

It was down to the genius of goldsmith Daniel Jeanrichard (1665-1741), who devised a system called établissage in the Jura mountains. This cottage industry (chalet industry?) saw the closely guarded knowledge of a few watchmakers spread to independent workshops, each one with its own specialism. The system survives to this day.

In fact, many of the workshops dotting the valleys of the Jura were run by the local dairy farmers who, come the harsh, isolating winter snow, would round up their livestock and turn to their home workshops. Making wheels of cheese with cows turned into making wheels of metal with lathes.

REX/Shutterstock

“From the 1740s to the early 1800s,” explains Michel Golay, who runs Audemars Piguet’s watchmaking museum in Le Brassus, “the farmers-turned-watchmakers in the Jura walked to Geneva every spring to sell the movements they’d made over the winter to the cabinottiers and établisseurs, who finished the movements and cased them up as complete, branded watches.”

Soon enough, the hill farmers realised they could make more money by putting their own names on the dials, says Golay. “Many of them stopped farming altogether and began making watches all year. Families throughout the valley co-operated, and gradually the quality of the craftsmanship increased, as did their reputation.”

The Jura’s La Chaux-de-Fonds is considered the true ‘cradle’ of Swiss Jura watchmaking – the highest city in Europe at 1,000 metres above sea level, colloquially known as ‘Watch Valley’. Here, in this snowy backwater of central Europe, you’ll find the gleaming glass and steel factories of Tissot, TAG Heuer, Breitling, Cartier and countless others nestled idyllically in rolling, verdant foothills, surrounded by cows and their clanking bells.

REX/Shutterstock

Your Budget

So how much to spend, and what will that get you?

Like with holidays or property, that age-old adage applies with a wristwatch: spend as much as you can afford, as you’ll never regret it. But whatever that figure is, rest assured that with a Swiss watch, you will invariably get your money’s worth.

Under £500

Watch snobs be gone: less than £500 will get you a very decent piece of wristwear, with all the after-sales support you’d expect from a watch 10 times the price. You’ll struggle to find a Swiss mechanical movement much under £800 (with the noble exceptions of Tissot and Hamilton) but there’s no shame in a Swiss quartz watch, powered by a battery instead of a spring.

It uses the 32kHz vibration of the titular crystal to regulate the ‘tick’ of the watch – infinitely more precise than a mechanical balance wheel oscillating at a relatively agricultural 4Hz, and losing no more than 10 seconds a year.

For the most affordable watches look to Swiss-made Bulova, Certina, Tissot and Mondaine (but also note that Japanese watchmakers Seiko or Citizen are arguably the heavyweights when it comes to quartz).

£500–£3,000

This is the budget bracket you should be considering with your first company bonus – you’ll be guaranteed the prestige of a Swiss mechanical, preferably ticking away beneath a clear caseback, admirable in the same way as a mid-mounted Ferrari V8 growling beneath its glass engine cover.

An automatic mechanical movement is the most common, and this is where your money’s going. Fitted with an off-kilter weight, or ‘rotor’ that swings with the movement of your arm, this keeps the winding barrel tightly wound. In turn, the winding spring powers a gear-train to which hours, minutes and seconds hands are attached. Manually-wound mechanical movements are increasingly popular, though, as the lack of rotor permits a clearer view into that mesmerising constellation of moving parts.

Brands to bear in mind include Longines, Bell & Ross, Victorinox, Raymond Weil, Nomos Glashütte and Tudor.

Up To £5,000

This is where it can get overwhelming, as many make their first big horological investment in this price range and don’t want to get it wrong. So, for a start, do your research, take your time, visit your friendly local jeweller and don’t be afraid to ask stupid questions – chances are, they’re wiser than you think.

The good news is that so many of Swiss watchmaking’s enduring classics fall into this category, and you’ll never go wrong purchasing one, whether it’s a TAG Heuer Carrera, Omega Seamaster, Tudor Black Bay, or even a Breitling.

North Of £5,000

This is venturing into serious collector territory, where most of your cash is going towards a movement that – rather than being a standard-issue Swiss automatic mechanical movement – gets ‘manufacture’ mechanics, and is made ‘in-house’ by the brands, with exacting hand-polish applied to the tiniest parts as icing on the cake.

Think Rolex, Zenith, IWC, Hublot, Jaeger-LeCoultre; luxury watch brands with revered heritage in spades, innovation to rival NASA, and every single timepiece the result of months of painstaking work at the hands of some extraordinarily skilled individuals.

Decisions, Decisions…

To kick off, you’ll want a watch for every eventuality – or at least one that straddles a few of life’s regular scenarios. An easy choice for the office is a black leather strap and a clean, silver dial. But when Saturday comes, you may also want a watch that looks appropriate while trimming the hedge – in which case, a metal bracelet instead of leather makes it perfect for both.

People joke about a chronograph only being good for timing an egg – but if you do have soft-boiled eggs for breakfast, then a chronograph is far more convenient than finding the stopwatch app on your phone (and smearing yolk on your screen). Alternatively, a diving watch is useful for diving, yes, but if you harbour an abject fear of open water it still serves as an all-purpose, wear-it-and-forget-about-it watch for all conditions.

Obviously, ‘one watch to rule them all’ will only stretch so far – which is where the notion of a watch wardrobe comes in. It takes years of steady, considered investment, but a solid line-up for the top of your dresser (or sock drawer) looks something like this:

The Rugged All-Rounder

Slightly retro military-style watches work well here, with black dial, monochrome markings and maybe a brown-leather strap, e.g. Bremont’s Airco or Tudor’s Heritage Ranger.

Tudor Heritage Ranger

The Diving Watch

Water-resistance and ruggedness are key here, making diving watches great for strapping on and forgetting about – ideal for beach holidays, epic post-dinner-party washing-up sessions, or simply making a colourful statement, e.g. Victorinox INOX Diver.

Victorinox INOX Diver

The Dress Watch

What it says on the tin: classical formality for the boardroom meeting or black tie event, e.g. Longines Flagship or Cartier Tank.

Cartier Tank

Sports Watch

This usually means a stop-watch chronograph is in the mix, with either a rubber strap or metal bracelet, e.g. Baume & Mercier Clifton Club.

Baume & Mercier Clifton Club

The Classics

A rare breed of watch from one of Switzerland’s big boys that’ll never age or look out of place. Usually comes on a bracelet. Look no further than Omega’s Seamaster, Rolex’s Submariner (both diving watches, funnily enough), the IWC Portugieser and TAG Heuer’s Carrera.

Omega Seamaster

The Brands

Buy a watch from any reputable dealer or direct from any of the big brands, and you can’t go wrong – neither have come this far flogging dodgy tickers hung from the inside of their overcoats. But what sort of design, heritage or make-up speaks to you, and what does it say about you? There’s no getting around it; the brand you endorse is important, especially as it’s just about the most personal thing you’ll possess. Just make sure of one thing: go into the store and try it on. You’ll instantly know, either way.

Tissot

One of the grand dames of Swiss watchmaking, with heritage in spades, and along with Rolex and Omega, a member of the rarefied ‘billion club’ [its revenue was $1.1m last year]. Despite what you’d think, however, Tissot is one of the most affordable means of joining the rarefied Swiss-made-watch club – £395 will get you a supremely chic Le Locle automatic, named after Tissot’s home town.

Baume & Mercier

A member of Richemont Group’s unrivalled portfolio of luxury watch brands (stablemates include Cartier, IWC and ‘the German Patek Philippe’, A. Lange & Söhne) most people quietly respected 188-year-old B&M as the necessarily affordable arm of a formidable arsenal of haute horlogerie.

But just when you thought it was all inoffensive ‘sports luxe’ kitted out with third-party mechanics, the Baumatic comes along – genuinely ‘in-house’ innovation with antimagnetic silicon components, five-day power reserve and five-year service intervals… all for just £2,500.

Oris

One of the first Swiss brands not afraid to embrace industrialised techniques from across the pond, Oris has always been about quality mechanical watches at an incredibly reasonable price. The styles run the gamut from retro dress watches inspired by the smoky jazz clubs of the fifties to utilitarian pilot watches, never usually much more than a grand.

Most recently, as well as a handsome four-grand venture into prestige ‘manufacture’ movements, the focus has been beneath the waves, spearheaded by a number of noble ocean-conservation initiatives and arguably the finest retro revivals in a recent swathe of retro revivals – the Divers Sixty-Five.

Longines

A rung or two up the vast Swatch Group’s portfolio from Tissot, you’ll find Longines – a brand that rivalled Omega and Rolex back in the day, with a string of important technical evolutions in the early 20th century, including chronographs for the wrist, sports timing equipment and lifesaving navigational aids for those magnificent men in their flying machines (including one Charles Lindbergh, no less).

These days, the innovation is left to other Swatch Group brands like Breguet and Omega, but for good-value, classically designed Swissness, you can’t beat Longines’ Master and Heritage collections.

Tudor

From its 1940s conception, Tudor mirrored Rolex – it had the same designs and model names, but with a different logo and cheaper movements. Genius marketing initiative from Switzerland’s biggest name. However, Tudor’s ‘Submariner’ diving watch was quickly adopted by the Israeli naval commandos in the 1960s, followed famously by French naval divers and the US elite combat divers. And it’s this heritage that’s been drawn on so effectively in recent years, affording ‘Rolex’s little brother’ to grow up at last into a titan of Swiss watchmaking, complete with in-house movement factory. Still just as affordable, mind.

Omega

From Cindy Crawford to Buzz Aldrin via James Bond; from timing every Olympics event to pioneering the only major advancement in horological engineering in two centuries (the Co-Axial escapement, since you ask), the world of Omega is a vast, multifaceted one.

In terms of the watches themselves, though? Difficult to fault, in a nutshell. The ‘Moonwatch’ Speedmaster is still the only timepiece to have been ‘flight qualified’ by NASA and boasts one of the most classic chronograph designs in history. While the Seamaster diving watch is still the choice of 007, yes, but also real-life Royal Navy frogmen.

Rolex

Hans Wilsdorf founded the Most-Namechecked Brand in Hip Hop as recently as 1905, in London believe it or not, giving it a generic name that was easy to pronounce across different languages. He was a marketing genius, strapping his newfangled ‘Oyster’ to English Channel swimmer Mercedes Gleitze in 1926 and advertising its proven water-resistance on the front cover of the Daily Mail. The Oyster developed into the Submariner diving watch in the fifties, in response to the burgeoning craze for SCUBA, and was worn by James Bond well into the Timothy Dalton days.

Despite appearances, things never rest chez Rolex, thanks to it constantly honing a limited range of super-precise, super-reliable mechanical calibres and timeless designs like the Cosmograph Daytona. It might be a predictable choice, but Rolex watches are arguably the best in the world, and generally accrue in value.

Zenith

An early pioneer of the ‘manufacture’ process, Zenith brought virtually every trade in watchmaking beneath a single roof in Le Locle (over the road from Tissot) in order to speed up development and guarantee parts supply.

Its other claim to fame is the El Primero chronograph, which tied with Heuer’s Calibre 11 in 1969 as the world’s first self-winding stopwatch for the wrist, but still has the edge thanks to its high frequency tick. This essentially means it can time events to a margin of one tenth of a second rather than an eighth. ‘Basic’ El Primeros also happen to be the most bargainous in-house automatic chronographs out there.

Officine Panerai

If they re-made Wall Street, it wouldn’t be a yellow gold Cartier peeping out from Gordon Gekko’s starched French cuff, it would be the nineties pioneer of ‘oversize’, Officine Panerai, in gold.

Every corner office’s favourite timekeeper started life in the thirties, when the Italian Navy requested a diving watch from its preferred equipment maker. More used to making saltwater chandlery than finickity tickers, Panerai turned to Rolex, who essentially added a strap to one of its cushion-shaped pocket watches. The iconic cushion shape stuck, but the rebooted brand now makes its own, top-end movements. Expensive, yes, but not nearly as expensive as those original Rolex models at auction. (If you can find one…)

Nomos Glashütte

To finish with a wild card, this is the only brand in our list that isn’t Swiss. Germany is your first port of call if you decide not to buy Swiss and Nomos is one of the country’s most impressive watchmakers. It’s also the only brand here formed in our lifetime, in 1990 – immediately after the fall of the Berlin Wall.

Given the import of Swissness and heritage in the stuffy world of watchmaking, this makes Nomos’s meteoric rise as impressive as the watches themselves. They’re based in the tiny village of Glashütte, nestled – Swiss Jura-style – in the picturesque Ore Mountains, near Dresden, along with every other major German watchmaker. Ice-cool Bauhaus modernism married with in-house mechanical prowess and bafflingly low price tags makes Nomos a compelling case if you’re venturing out of Switzerland.

[theadmiringbog]

F. Scott Fitzgerald famously said, 

“The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function,” 

but the summations of the state of the world often assume that it must be all one way or the other, and since it is not all good it must all suck royally. Fitzgerald’s forgotten next sentence is, 

“One should, for example, be able to see that things are hopeless and yet be determined to make them otherwise.” 

--

Hope is not prognostication. It is an orientation of the spirit, an orientation of the heart; it transcends the world that is immediately experienced, and is anchored somewhere beyond its horizons. 

Hope, in this deep and powerful sense, is not the same as joy that things are going well, or willingness to invest in enterprises that are obviously headed for early success, but, rather, an ability to work for something because it is good, not just because it stands a chance to succeed.                

--

The despair that keeps coming up is a loss of belief that the struggle is worthwhile.                 

That loss comes from many quarters: from exhaustion, from a sadness born out of empathy, but also from expectations and analyses that are themselves problems.                

--

This book tells stories of victories and possibilities because the defeats and disasters are more than adequately documented;                

--

Inside the word emergency is emerge;                

--

Sometimes the commitment to the gloomy version becomes comical. 

From the 1960s onward, people worried about “the population bomb,” the Malthusian theory that global population would increase without any check short of resource and health disasters. Sometime in the 1990s, it became clear that birthrates in many parts of the world were decreasing, that globally population would peak—in about 2025, according to current estimates—then decline. Nations of the industrialized world, where resource consumption is highest, including Japan, Canada, Australia, Europe, and Russia, are already on the downswing. 

Rather than celebrate that an old problem had gone away of itself (or of changed social circumstances, including the spread of women’s reproductive rights), declining population is often framed as a new impending crisis. The situation had changed completely, but the song remained the same.                

--

The only story many leftists know how to tell is the story that is the underside of the dominant culture’s story, more often than the stuff that never makes it into the news, and all news has a bias in favor of suddenness, violence, and disaster that overlooks groundswells, sea changes, and alternatives, the forms in which popular power most often manifests itself.                

--

Their gloomy premise is that the powers that be are not telling you the whole truth, but the truth they tell is also incomplete. They conceive of the truth as pure bad news, appoint themselves the deliverers of it, and keep telling it over and over. Eventually, they come to look for the downside in any emerging story, even in apparent victories—and in each other: something about this task seems to give some of them the souls of meter maids and dogcatchers.                

--

Joy doesn’t betray but sustains activism. And when you face a politics that aspires to make you fearful, alienated, and isolated, joy is a fine initial act of insurrection.                

--

In 1785, no one in Britain was thinking about slavery, except slaves, ex-slaves, and a few Quakers and soft-hearted evangelicals. In his 2005 book Bury the Chains, Adam Hochschild tells the story of how the dozen or so original activists gathered at a London printer’s shop at 2 George Yard, near what is now the Bank tube stop. From that point onward this handful of hopefuls created a movement that in half a century abolished slavery in the British Empire and helped spark the abolition movement that ended slavery in the United States a quarter century or so later.                

--

It has taken less than forty years for homosexuality to go from being classified as a crime and a mental disorder to being widely accepted as part of the variety of ordinary, everyday life.               

--

You could say that the figures onstage are the actors—or puppets, since much of the script is written elsewhere, out of sight, by corporations and elites, but also by popular movements that tug the conscience and change the status quo, and it is in these neglected places that radical power lies. There and in the circuitous routes to the center, where these new ideas cease to be new as they become the script for the actors onstage, who believe they wrote them. (Stalin reputedly once said, “Ideas are far more dangerous than guns. We don’t allow our enemies to have guns, why should we allow them to have ideas?”)

--

... advocates, suffragists, abolitionists were being persecuted. To admit that these people pose a threat to the status quo is to admit first that there is a status quo, secondly that it may be an unjust and unjustifiable thing, and thirdly that it can indeed be changed by passionate people and nonviolent means. 

--

What lies ahead seems unlikely; when it becomes the past, it seems inevitable.

--

I was born the summer the Berlin Wall went up, into a world shadowed by the Cold War between the United States and the USSR. Many people then expected a nuclear war was imminent and that such a war could mean the end of the world. People have always been good at imagining the end of the world, which is much easier to picture than the strange sidelong paths of change in a world without end. 

--

This is the way the world changes, as Dickens understood when he opened his most political novel with “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.” It usually is.                

--

History is like weather, not like checkers. 

(And you, if you’re lucky and seize the day, are like that butterfly.) Like weather in its complexity, in its shifts, in the way something triggers its opposite, just as a heat wave sucks the fog off the ocean and makes my town gray and clammy after a few days of baking, weather in its moods, in its slowness, in its suddenness. 

A game of checkers ends. The weather never does. 

That’s why you can’t save anything. Saving is the wrong word, one invoked over and over again, for almost every cause. Jesus saves and so do banks: they set things aside from the flux of earthly change. We never did save the whales, though we might have prevented them from becoming extinct. We will have to continue to prevent that as long as they continue not to be extinct, unless we become extinct first. That might indeed save the whales, until the sun supernovas or the species evolves into something other than whales.                

--

There’s a wonderful parable by Jorge Luis Borges. In the last years of the thirteenth century, God tells a leopard in a cage, “You live and will die in this prison so that a man I know of may see you a certain number of times and not forget you and place your figure and symbol in a poem which has its precise place in the scheme of the universe. You suffer captivity, but you will have given a word to the poem.” The poem is the Divine Comedy; the man who sees the leopard is Dante.                

--

Perfection is a stick with which to beat the possible.                

--

Profound change for the better does occur, even though it can be difficult to see because one of the most common effects of success is to be taken for granted. What looks perfectly ordinary after the fact would often have seemed like a miracle before it.

#Hope in the Dark #book review