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planetsstarsandmoons · 1 year

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Synastry observations based on personal experience, part 4:

(18+!!!)

Mars/venus first house overlay: gets a bad reputation, because people feel like this overlay is ‘superficial’ due to the fact that the first house signifies what people show of their personality to the outside, aka their ‘looks’ and also their physical appearance. They forget that what you externalise in the house of the externalised ego is you, your ego. That’s you! Your ego is a very deep and important thing about you. For some people it’s a more important than for others of course. The way you dress, laugh, look and walk and look, that *is* a deep aspect about your personality. Like those things *are* personal. For some people like mars or venus dominant people it’s the ideal placement, because this is a fiery placement keeps people from being ~bored~ with who the other is, which often happens in a bad marriage. It’s why this aspect is called thee great aspect for marriage. It’s great!

Venus opposite saturn: does not pose as big of an issue if the people have either venus in 10th house or saturn in 7th house natally. There is more acceptance, understanding and ‘seeing things the other way’ that way. It can also manifest in the honeymoon stage just being enlonged and the problems showing up later.. with the ‘honeymoon stage’ in this aspect I mean that this bond feels pretty karmic and paternalistic and awesome in the beginning, in a way that feels super attractive, safe and interesting to the venus person who’s in awe of saturn, and super intense, fulfilling and a little anxiety inducing for the saturn person involved, who enjoys venus’s quirks and air for themselves so much that they become against it and will call them things like ‘childish’ as time goes on. This doesn’t happen if there’s good trust and communication in the relationship. Most often the ‘emotional pain’ that is seen as inevitable with some synastry aspects according to some people, are only inevitable for people who really don’t know how to deal with other people in relationships. You’ll be alright when you have some supporting aspects to this.

Mars-lilith: mars and lilith have a lot in common: they are independent, sexual, feisty and go after their own fleeting pleasures. Only mars isn’t a social pariah, stays on earth and lilith is so she’s up in the air like a bird. Lilith, as the outcast, is someone who wants to impress mars to prove something to herself. Mars is someone wants to dominate lilith, to prove something to himself and also to her. You can see they have a lot of natural (sexual) chemistry but they’re sh*t for the long term lol. Mars is still part of the ‘ordinary world’ and lilith is still traumatized by that world. In harsher aspects, the empathy towards each other will be non existent. The same can even go for sympathy between the two. Also, the ‘colour’ of this union will of course depend on the signs they are in.

Moon conjunct jupiter: Why does my pisces moon have immediate soulmate-like crushes on men born in 1962/63? Oh, that’s why. I’ve had it the other way around too and I’ve seen a lovely couple with this, but I feel like this definetely gets exalted in pisces. Jupiter ~loves~ the moon person. Moon person’s entire emotional/private self fuels and twinflames jupiter person’s entire inspirational and idealistic self. The moon person feels safe while still feeling inspired and adventarous with the jupiter person. Jupiter basically adores the moon, and even that gets expanded due to the expansive and almost indulgent nature of this aspect. The moon person wants to be with jupiter. They feel their emotional self inspired and exalted when they are with them and it can be for some (for me) a very rare feeling of being so comfortable and happily understood and inspired by the other. I’ve always found this one of the best relationship aspects you can have, for me at least it’s the best because with my scorpio sun pisces moon and sag rising, that optimistic jupiternan energy on my most vulnurable side is exactly what I’m looking for.

Mars conjunct chiron: the only sexual aspect that will make a man want to marry his female partner.

Sun/venus/mercury fifth house overlay: ever had that feeling of ‘ooh this person is going to be here, now this occasion is worth it/interesting/~a party~’ and you almost saw it as like a crush? Did it feel a little juvenile? That’s this one.

Mars fifth house or in that mix^: oh and you do have a crush on this person, highly likely. Are you going ‘oh my god, oh my god, it’s him/her’ when he arrives in like an almost funny and very juvinile way? That’s this one. Okay so now I’m taking a girl reading this as the norm, but for a guy that crush would happen with venus added in the fifth house. This/these overlay(s) cause butterflies and first love vibes for the house person, giggling like a teenager and thinking the planet person is soo cool and fun and attractive. The planet person releases their inhibitions around the house person and becomes leo-esque, like the party version or radio-edition of themselves.

Saturn conjunct an angle: weirdly enough, this aspect is not much talked about on the internet but I assume that is because people don’t have a lot to add to this one. I do. I believe this aspect can be extremely significant in reading a synastry chart romantically. So, to begin with I feel like this aspect, like a lot in synastry, plays out differently irl based on the genders of the people involved. What I’ve found is that saturn conjunct an angle in heterosexual relationships, where the guy is saturn and the angle person is a girl, the guy is easily bound to fall in love with the angle girl. This is because saturn imposes their mix of care, ownership, restriction responsibility, security, dedication, reality, commitment and karma on your angle which basically stands for a fundamental part slash pillar of your existence. Aka, this aspect is a patriarchal wet dream. The hero-instinct is immensly triggered here. This guy’s (who I also had a pretty large age gap with for our early twenties) saturn was tightly conjunct my IC, the most vulnerable angle, standing for my fourth house of the home and, using other astrologer’s phrasing, where ‘my soul is seated’. We were not together yet, but would unsolicited go “yeah, that’s important that you do that” and after some inquiring about anything “be careful that you don’t” blabla like it mattered to him. The vibe was very much like he could say “look, as your husband” and me reacting like “excuse me??” Same guy also had his saturn tightly conjunct my even younger friend’s ASC and it’s like he picked her to be like his little sister! even though they didn’t know each other that well. He would be very protective of her (although i think he could have done more, but that’s another story) and hype her up whenever she walked into a room, it was very cute. Conjuncting DSC I’d imagine it would play out like saturn worrying about the people DSC hangs out with and feeling a sense of dictatorship(?) over her social angle and who she’s seeking love from. Brooding protectiveness over the fact that DSC has been going out again with many guys who may not be up to good. Like I said, this aspect is the patriarchal wet dream. Conjuncting MC it would be exactly like jiwoo and sungmin from Age of Yourh. Making sure he’s right behind her in her goals at all times to protect her, almost like a cynical bodyguard, but somehow equal-ish partners that compliment each other. Back to saturn conjunct IC, the IC is the ingebakken way of managing things and the way you close your eyes for rest. Saturn conjuncting this part of you is like them barging into your house and giving you pills while you’re, like, there in your underwear. This angle aspect does create a deep kind of bond I’d guess. It’s still lunar! With the AC I think it’s the physical air and appearance that someone gives off that makes saturn think that they’re smol and need guidance. This is what I imagine a first impression would be like! Not getting into the relationship itself but like, you could guess. I’d say the ASC and MC conjunction will flourish as platonic and be doomed when it gets romantic and the DSC and IC conjunction will flourish as romantic and be doomed as platonic. In the right kind of relationship these conjunctions can be like ‘ahww’ and wholesome but in the wrong kind of relationship, these conjunctions could cause a major, and I can’t describe this any other way, ‘f*ck of!!!’ 😂

Moon trine mercury: I call this the best friend aspect because I’ve shared this aspect with every friend I could talk with for hours and enjoy it. Even if you don’t share the same kind of humor you can still laugh and communicate and basically enjoy each other’s brain ! I like this aspect in romantic relationships, too, because this aspect kills the potential awkward silence and it adds that green flag communication with e/o when official. This isn’t like the conjunction were the two bodies are so bang on alike that it becomes like a battle between the one person’s mind and the one person’s emotions. There is a harmonious distance that actually brings the people closer together and creates that intimacy. With the trine you constantly greatly appreciate what the other person adds to the table. This is communication that flows non-verbally as well, like through touches and looks.

Moon opposite mars: chrissttt, not to be vulgar but you both know you just want to.. do the deed together 💀 almost as if after 10 mins of talking you’ve already decided that in your head

Mars sextile moon/venus I feel like the energy that flows through the trine causes sexual arousal and through the sextile it causes a very wholesome emotional arousal. Great aspect no matter which gender.

Chiron conjunct sun: get ready to get your feelings hurt if you’re the chiron person! Well, the way this feels is actually: the sun person will just be hitting you where you’re vulnurable but most likely you’ll like it and feel almost soothed, even. I’ve had this both ways. It’s a great and genuine aspect to have.

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 30 days

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WIBTA if I started doing sex work while still living with my mom?

Warning for sexual mentions(nothing heavily explicit though)

I (18F) can't get a typical job like working in customer service or physical labor because of a mix of reasons. I'm both physically and mentally disabled, for one. I have chronic pain & chronic fatigue so extensive physical labor or any job that requires being up for a long time is out of the question for me, as it would cause me a lot of pain and put me at risk for collapsing or falling asleep due to exhaustion. I also have heavy social anxiety and sensory issues, and despite being in therapy since I was around 11, this hasn't gone away. I still have problems with stuttering when talking to people I don't know, and feel on the verge of panic the entire time. I also can't handle loud noises well- I carry around a pair of headphones constantly but that does mess with my hearing so I couldn't really use those in a customer service focused environment. I'm a full time student as well, and will be for several more years, as I'm going straight into college out of high school. On top of all that, I can't drive yet, as the process was delayed due to concerns that my health issues would make me a hazard on the road, so I won't have my full license until late this year.

I've tried looking for other job types before, but nothing I've been able to find works. I've tried doing art, but it's not easy to get people to actually commission you- I've only gotten 1 so far and I've had commissions open for almost half a year. I've tried content creation but have yet to build a platform big enough to make money from it. I've looked for online focused jobs such as creating captions or proof-reading others work but realized very quickly I'm not equipped/qualified for that job due to my problems with processing audio correctly, and my problems reading and writing correctly first try- I often have to re-read things many times over and re-type things at least once to get it at all correct, as words and letters get mixed up in my brain sometimes or I just accidentally skip over entire words or even sentences. And even then I sometimes still get it wrong. So I'm a pretty slow worker with things like reading, and something that requires listening to something and then writing what was said took so long it wouldn't meet the time requirements a lot of places are looking for in workers for that (that I've seen).

So the only idea I have left for making money so I at least have something to help pay for college and to go towards me being able to move out someday is some sort of sex work. I'm not planning on doing anything super risky, like meeting up with real people or anything that would show my face. So I wouldn't be worried about this bothering my mom since she's not really sex negative or strictly against sex workers or anything if it wasn't for one thing. I'm not sure if this will work either. I have a lot of acne problems all over, and problems with picking at my skin that leave scratch marks in a lot of places. And I'm not sure anyone would be willing to pay to look at that. It's not something that bothers me on an individual level, it's just a part of me, but that doesn't really change what other people do or don't find attractive. So it just kind of feels disrespectful to be selling that kind of thing in my mothers house if it's not even going to be significant enough for it to matter financially. And, of course, there's always the risk my mom could see it, and I worry it would upset her to see her daughter selling that kind of thing. But I don't see other options left for how I could make enough money to not end up drowning in student loans down the line, or end up living with my mom for many years into adulthood- which wouldn't be fair to her since she's not financially well off either. I don't plan for it to be a permanent job, just something to help me through my college years till I can start working in the field for what I'm getting a degree in or until my issues get well enough I can work a more typical job.

WIBTA?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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ezlebe · 2 years

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Tomgreg prison era?

4-11

Dear Thomas Wambsgans –

Tom blinks at the flowy script and formal address, then reaches out and grabs the envelope… Yeah, it says it’s from Greg. He unfolds out the rest of the paper and it says Sincerely, Gregory Hirsch too.

He furrows his brow, wondering if this is something weird spear phishing scam by letter. It’s really bizarre, if so, but clearly it is working.

Dear Thomas Wambsgans,

The food here is dreadful. I finally understand your concerns, and have now had them realized, from our visit to the diner in Washington DC. It is worse than –

Okay, so it’s probably Greg, but is he… roleplaying? Did he dictate this aloud for some crook secretary to apply pen to paper, too?

– when we went, I fear, as it seems to be entirely processed and I had forgotten the odd rubber texture to powder egg. It is even worse than the MREs that I once found on my grandfather’s ranch and sustained myself with for a week. Is the food for you also of subpar quality? I have been curious to know if mine is worse due to being in the state of Florida, where it is very hot and damp.

The other occupants here are surprisingly cordial, though there have been some friendly joshes toward my height, but it is no worse than any of the family. I do think I may have to learn Spanish. I have found a single fellow inmate who speaks French, but it is in an incomprehensible dialect called Cajun, which I previously believed only to be a type of food. I have struck up something of an acquaintanceship with this man, if only to irk those around us.

Sincerely, Gregory Hirsch

“Oh, buddy,” Tom mutters, covering a smile with a tight palm and exhaling a broken laugh into it. He drops the letter to cover his eyes with that hand, mortified at the burn behind them. It’s a nothing letter – it’s just… Greg sounding sort of like Greg, complaining about eggs, and third languages, and… and very deliberately reaching out to him.

Fuck. He’s so fucking happy thatit’s really just disgusting.

Tom reaches out and grabs the envelope, again, scanning his eyes across the address. He has no idea what he’s going to write back, except maybe to tell Greg that his French is fake, too.

Greg,

We’re not in a period drama. You’re okay to write to me like a real person.

The food here sucks, too. I would’ve taken you out to more dives, but let’s be real your affection for crappy chain food prepared you better than I ever could for it. If you repeat this, I’ll kill you, but I actually don’t mind powder eggs. They remind me of camping with the scouts.

My only real stumble here so far is this guy in for corporate fraud talking to me like he knows Connor. It’s bonkers. He doesn’t actually know him, right, because he thinks knowing him makes him more respectable in here. It does not. You would think him seeing me in here would make it plain as day that being in the Roy circle is meaningless, and yet.

How you doing, otherwise? I know you need a precise measure of water and shade like a delicate, fussy flower.

–Tom

It takes about a week and a half to get a reply to a letter, which is maybe quick for moving a physical object a thousand or so miles, but is just horrific on Tom’s anxiety. He feels like a wartime widow, attending the mail drop and regularly disappointed, wondering if the last letter was the last. It’s just about the time he starts thinking he’s said something wrong, too, Greg has finally realized he shouldn’t be writing Tom, a new one shows up, easing his worries in a way almost like its own clockwork.

6-05

Dear Thomas,

I do not believe I was ever meant to take residence in Florida. It is very hot and humid, which is very manageable for visits, but I recall believing New York was too much, and this is far, far worse. I am beginning to feel like a slug. It is not allowed to simply stay in bed, but I fear that I will one day wake stuck to it.

I’ve been trying to do exercise since I arrived, but I dislike it, especially now that my body seems to be attempting to melt, so I’ve moved on to other pursuits. A good number of other inmates do not hold any regard for the less physical activities available to us –

Tom nearly covers his face, but settles for pinching the bridge of his nose; good lord, Greg is really playing at being such a dandy. Is it a psychological thing? He’s claimed it isn’t, but Tom really has no way to know, a whole country away.

– at all. I enjoy them, though. It is much better to be assigned an indoor detail, as well, than to be stuck outside toiling with a bunch of rude oafs who think height equals shares of physical labor.

Tom gives up and breaks into a laugh, dropping the letter to cover his mouth with both hands in attempt to muffle it.

A clear of a throat, which Tom had been avoiding, comes from behind him. “You good, Tom?”

“I think…” Tom sighs, dragging his hands down his face with a forceful swallow. “My only friend in the world has been driven insane by coke withdrawal.”

“…That can happen?”

“I don’t fucking know,” Tom says, as he picks the letter back up with a careful straightening of the paper. “But he’s weirder than ever.”

I have been unable to get any concrete answers about disease prevention to answer your question about the mosquitos. I was, however, informed that only twenty percent of people show outward symptoms of West Nile, so I may, in fact, have already had it?

How are your call out duties and activities among other inmates? I know that was something you were exceedingly worried about, and my experience so far in that is the warning was some measure exaggerated. It is not an amazing experience, nor one I would ever welcome, but now approaching my third month I have suffered the most of boredom. Your letters have bolstered me greatly, in that respect, as I keep them to reread when the impulse strikes me, which is often.

I also hope you’re doing well.

Sincerely, Gregory Hirsch

Tom furrows his brow, as a flush streaks across his nose. He presses his thumb against the word reread, covering and uncovering it, and tries not to think too much about the small, if growing stack of letters now well memorized on his own time.

Greg,

I hate to say it buddy but I’m not surprised you’re an indoors activity guy. I can actually see you running around with a little moleskine and a pen, though if it’s for secrets or pictures, who’s really to know?

I’ve been running and working out a lot, actually, so maybe it’s better we were separated by a spiteful, nasty old man of your blood relation. I’d have made you tag along to my free time whenever I get too cooped up and antsy, which is all the time, Greg. It is literally every day. I wish the unit staff here would assign me go out and do something awful and back-breaking outside, but I think they think I’m too soft and old, which is obviously its own insult.

I’m saving your letters for my tell-all book, so I hope you don’t expect anything to be forgotten. The world is going to know about the oatmeal thing and how you don’t know the capital of any US states, as well as the fact that you write to me like a lunatic in immaculate cursive. You’re going to get nothing but fountain pens and calligraphy sets, as gifts, from now on.

They better have bug spray in that commissary. I do not want you getting a brain disease and croaking out there on me. I would hate to have the entire state of Florida ruined for me by a mosquito.

– Tom

“You got two from your lovely lady friend.”

Tom eyes Carter shuffling the letters like cards. “I know it says Greg.”

Carter demonstratively sniffing at the edges, pretending to look inside, generally just fondling Greg’s fucking letter, which is a bold move for a forger built like Roger Rabbit. “Don’t smell any perfume on it…”

“I know it also says FPC Pensacola,” Tom says, injecting every ounce of deliberate pleasantness that he can spare.

Carter pulls back and looks at the front of the envelope. He grunts and throws both at Tom. “Shit, so it does. I didn’t think that was allowed?”

Tom narrows his eyes, then glances down to the letters, as Carter fucks off to the next person in line. He turns them over in his hands by the corners, waiting until the unit is let loose, and decides forcefully not to ask. He doesn’t want to know if he’s got strings pulled without him knowing, until it matters; ignorance, at this point, is bliss.

Tom pulls out the first postmarked with a tense tug. He’s not sure why Greg would send two so close – he usually waits for a reply.

Tom! I saw an alligator!! It was like both bigger and smaller than assumed!

Tom raises an eyebrow, then flips over the page to a blank back.

Alright.

He reaches out for the next envelope, more careful at the twice over sealed seam.

8-16

Dear Thomas,

Okay, that’s more familiar. Evidently, the alligator was just exciting enough Greg forgot he’s pretending to be a Victorian.

It’s been a day and I have seen to send a formal letter.

I have weathered a small actual hurricane, but I just believed it a bad storm at the time. The water level rose high, but, thankfully, it did not outright flood. It was less intimidating an experience than I had assumed it would be after watching films on the subject. The hurricanes, evidently, do not get quite so bad in general and are most often a lot of rain and wind.

The alligator was roughly two meters in length and hissed quite loudly when it was woken, but did not make any other move. My fellow inmate Lou told me that the creature was simply sunning itself after the storm. He also informed me that they are cocodrie in his French and they can get much larger, but that they’re lazy. In return, I told him about orignal and that I would not have approached one so closely to the fence.

Are you still well? I do not know what August is like in Minnesota.

I have recently been considering the end of my stay here. I know you are sentenced for nearly twice as long, but do you think that I might see you before then? Our lawyer has said that it may be easiest to find out by trying to put my name on the list after my release in November.

Yours, Gregory Hirsch

Tom reads the last paragraph twice before he believes his eyes, sure he’s misreading something in Greg’s flowy, perfect cursive script. He curls against his dinky desk, into his elbow, and folds the letter up while swallowing thickly against emotion balling up at the base of his throat. He sets both letters with the others, then closes the drawer, ignoring impulse to take it back out to read a third time.

He wants to see Greg so much that it sits behind his sternum with all the comfort of the head of a morning star, but… it’s hard to believe that the sentiment might be returned, let alone enough to ask about it. He might just be being polite – it’s far more likely that their lawyer floated the idea out of bias.

Greg,

I can’t believe you saw a dinosaur when I haven’t even seen a deer. I’m relieved you were okay during the hurricane, though, and every other storm. It sounds like a lot of water to be dealing with and I don’t envy it. Stay safe. You can probably survive any flooding by standing up, but I don’t think we want to test it.

The worst August weather up here is just a little rain. I haven’t even had to deal with it much. The winter is in a couple months and that’s going to really suck the energy out of everything. I can’t wait to feel like I’m in fifth grade and forced to go outside for recess again. I bet you’re familiar with the feeling, though I’ve never thought to ask where you went to school? The one I went to was private and still made us do it, but maybe Canada doesn’t allow that shit.

It’s no problem to try to get you on the list, but check in before you actually make any detour on your welcome home tour. I’d really love to see you, but you’ll have spent enough time in a prison, Greg, to ever walk willingly into another one.

What the flying fuck is an orignal?

– Tom

10-23

My Dearest Thomas,

Tom flips the upper third of the letter down and sets a flat look out the window. It doesn’t seem to matter how many times that he tells Greg to write like he was born in 1988, not 1788, he just won’t because he thinks it’s fun, the nut, and now it is just getting ridiculous.

All Hallows’ Eve approaches! I am most excited. I don’t believe that the camp will do anything monumental for the holiday, but I have sketched some decorations for the letter. The seasons are most odd in Florida, as well; I have been put on a garden detail and, because they do not have winter, they are still growing food. I enjoy it! It is a much better experience doing this under the direction of the faculty here than my grandfather, who had much patience for plants and little to spare elsewhere.

Tom didn’t actually need any confirmation that Ewan was basically a warden, but good to know he’s worse. He wonders, as well, if Greg is predisposed to entire conversations with plants; he seems the type. The little thinking pumpkins in the letter margins just sort of support the idea.

I have also sketched out one of the blossoms on the back from a zucchini. I find they are quite pretty. I was informed by a CO that they can be stuffed with ricotta and fried to be eaten, and I told him that sounded like something you might enjoy more than me. He said then that I must make them, but I believe that would be better left to you, as well.

I only have a month left, as of today! I cannot wait for the opportunity to see you. The letters are sustaining, but hardly satisfying enough compared to actual company.

Our lawyer has urged me that I should prepare for the cold and I was forced to remind her that I am from Canada; however, she then informed me that Toronto is, in all fact, south of both Twin Cities and Duluth. I never thought to look. I doubt still that it is all that bad.

Ever Yours, Gregory Hirsch

Tom stares at the closing for a beat, a reluctant grin twisting his mouth while he huffs through his nose. He flips the page over and studies the drawn flower, wilted and certainly somewhat lifelike, featuring faint lines and shading, and realizes Greg must be practicing a lot. He probably won’t be sending many more letters, tripping back into real life, but Tom hopes that Greg continues the artsy hobby. He’s not half bad at it. He’s like a little amateur naturist; a burgeoning, trapped Monet.

Greg,

Your cartoon pumpkins are very dark, thinking about being carved into pieces. I’m surprised the administration let the letter through at all, hah. Duluth isn’t doing Halloween, either, but there is a CO who started wearing cat eye contact lenses and it just comes off as a painfully dorky rebellion. It reminds me of Tyler the assistant with the Felix clock on his cubicle.

It’s now getting a bit colder and the leaves are turning, too. I expect meals are only going to get worse, from here, so I’m happy someone is going to be getting vitamin c even if it isn’t me. I hear a lot of rumor about hydroponics around here, but I don’t believe anyone is relating it to food. If you like the gardening, though, you should keep it up, so you’ll be prepared for when the world ends and we’re reduced to agrarian pursuits. I’ll do the hunting part.

I’ve noticed you’re collecting hobbies. A quick learner with a curse. What I’m saying is the flower is really well drawn, buddy, as in actually lifelike. I didn’t know you were such an artist.

I have heard of frying them, some Italian thing, but never tried it. It’s probably really crispy and greasy, so I wouldn’t dismiss to so quick for yourself. In a similar weird Italian thing, they do their own songbird, but from what I’ve seen, it is a bit too much even for me.

I miss you, too. I admit I asked about you and our lawyer said to my face she only uses you as an excuse to visit Florida. She doesn’t even It’s just rude.

– Tom

++++

“Wambsgans, visitor,” the CO says, jerking his head toward the visitor building with a flat expression. “Greg Hirsch.”

“What – Really?” Tom says, shocked that – well, Greg is even in the state so soon, since he was scheduled to be released only something like three days ago, but also that he got through the visitor screening process. It seems whoever is signing off on those is either a moron, letting in his accomplice, or the opposite of one, and knows Greg and he can’t exactly duplicate or plan any other version of their crime. …Or, more likely, his lawyer pulled strings. “Oh, I – ” he looks down at his rumpled uniform, suddenly feeling almost naked in it. “Okay.”

He enters the visitors room at the behest of another, more familiar, CO called Maria, and promptly forgets her and the rest of the bland room at the sight of Greg hovering near one of the bolted, tacky tables. His hair is longer, maybe having gone entirely uncut since the day they got stuck in their respective camps, and he’s hunched as ever, big round eyes staring back at Tom.

It’s tempting to do the crazy thing and piledrive Greg into the ground and never let him go, but Tom takes the sensible and sane choice to simply speedwalk to the table. He gets close enough and Greg jumps him, anyway, squeezing the life from him while Tom clumsily, hurriedly grabs back.

“Tom,” Greg murmurs in his ear.

“Hey, buddy,” Tom answers, softly, bracing his hands on Greg’s back with a hard swallow. He closes his eyes for a brief pair of moments, holding his breath and pretending they’re anywhere else. “Long time no see.”

Greg hums a vague response, a petulant grumble escaping his lips when Tom gently pulls away before a CO can come peel him off. It’s a whiny, spoiled little noise that Tom missed so much.

“You were really that eager to get back into another prison, huh?” Tom asks, settling across the table from Greg and ignoring another plain stupid idea to reach out for Greg’s hands to make themselves a summoning circle of two. It’s not like a hug; he’s never held Greg’s hand.

Greg sweeps some overlong hair behind his ear, leaning into the table with a shrug.

Tom is just struck dumb by the fact Greg is sitting in front of him. He’s solid and real and here, and Tom needs to do more than just stare at him. “Florida for eight months and not even a tan?”

Greg grins and stretches out his arms to look at the pale backs of them. “I guess not?”

“You doing okay?” Tom asks, glancing over Greg from his bulky sweater to his obviously new jeans, ankles exposed to the air with a shock of white socks underneath. “No yawning distress, or whatever? I assume you got the benefits coming in.”

“Yeah, your, uh – your mom is really nice? Like still. She said she would help me find a place.”

“A place? Oh.” Tom swallows hard in shock, because it almost sounds like Greg plans to… to stay in Minnesota? “Huh… You might want to watch that. Her taste leans toward art deco – Oh no, wait… that’s you.”

Greg breaks into a laugh, shaking his head and suddenly ducking it into his chest. His long-fingered hands flex against each other on the table, making it more tempting than ever to reach out and take them.

“There’s this… Frank Lloyd Wright service station, not far from here,” Tom says, unsure where he’s really pointing when he flicks his fingers toward the wall across from them, but it could be close to Cloquet. “It’s based on that sort of thing. You should go gawk.”

“Or, maybe, we do that when you get out?” Greg says, quietly, looking up under his brows with a small shrug. “It’ll like… you know, be better. You could tell me about it.”

“Yeah?” Tom swallows hard against a swell in his throat, heat blazing across the back of his neck. “I haven’t actually been there.”

“I bet it’s pretty cool,” Greg says, smiling back, flicking his fingers in a similar direction. “For like a – a gas station.”

“A service station, Greg, which goes the extra mile,” Tom says, raising his brows while leaning across the table with a hum. “Full service.”

“No, yeah,” Greg laughs, again, smiling wide, as he nods his head. “Sure.”

Tom takes another few seconds to stare, rudely indulging himself and prepared to blame his circumstances. It’s the prison that’s doing it – he’s just lost all his social graces. “So is… Mommy’s just dragging you around the Twin Cities?”

“Kind of?” Greg says, narrowing his eyes a bit with a wincing sort of smile. “She had me help do some shredding at her office yesterday, after we flew up? I think as, like, a joke?”

“Oh my god,” Tom mutters, rolling his eyes toward the windows and more than a bit exasperated, but not that all that surprised. “Don’t tell me that.”

“She said she’d pay me, actually,” Greg says, outright overeager, as he relays this baffling bit of news. “If I wanted a job? But I couldn’t tell if she was serious. She reminds me sort of, uh, of you, when she’s not like being my lawyer.”

“Embarrassing, right,” Tom says, scoffing through his nose with a weak laugh. “I’m glad you’re getting along.”

Greg sweeps his hair out of his face, again, smiling somewhat under his fingers. “Yeah, like… I’m glad, too.”

The conversation drifts, almost awkwardly, but not uncomfortably, like neither of them know what to say, but don’t want to leave. It goes on like that, anyway, until a CO breaks in with an announcement and Greg does straighten with a glance at the clock. It suddenly feels like it hasn’t been any time at all.

“So, I was looking – um, at the rules?” Greg says, lifting his head with a nod at the station behind Tom, though there isn’t any sign to that effect behind him. “And you get like unlimited time but only like eight total, right? Per month. So like I could split it with your family, or whatever, but that could be, like… two visits a week?”

“That is math, buddy,” Tom says, forcing himself to look up into Greg’s eyes while he raises his brows high up his forehead with forced levity. “You want to stick it out here that long?”

“Yeah, I – I mean if that’s okay?”

“Of course, Greg, I would love it, if you stayed, it’s just – ” Tom lowers his voice, making sure to put a taunting pull at his lips. “This is Minnesota. It’s dead boring.”

“I like lived in New Brunswick as a kid in the summers, you know?” Greg says, though Tom had certainly not known, but that’ll be an explanation asked for later. “It’s like way more boring.”

“But…” Tom rises out of his chair slower than Greg; no matter what Greg thinks he’s going to do, there’s a chance this is the last time Tom sees him. “…No hard feelings if you run back to New York, alright?”

“You totally would have a lot of them, Tom,” Greg disagrees, as a grin pulls somewhat mocking at his lips. “But I’m, like – I’m not going to. That’s why I’m here.”

“Sure,” Tom says, offering a shrug that he’s sure would look less stiff on a Buckingham Palace guard. “If you say so.”

“Like, it’s like… like how you wrote you’d have to go down to Florida?” Greg says, while his hands swing to briefly tap at either edge of his now-vacant chair. “If I ended up doing something that got me stuck down there longer. Remember? When I stole oatmeal. It was something like… you’d go down to Pensacola to give me a reason to keep on-target?”

Tom feels his eyes go wide, startled at the baldfaced mention of a, until now, gone unmentioned lack of subtlety on Tom’s part that should’ve been left that way out of politeness. “So what, Greg? You know that’s not just…” He reaches up and scratches at the heat bursting across his jaw, heart thumping heavily in his chest. “It’s not the same. That coming from me.”

“Or, uh…” Greg shrugs smally into a shoulder with another nod. “Maybe it is.”

Tom only barely manages a punched out breath: “Oh.”

“Uh… uh… anyway, I’ll be back Saturday,” Greg says, taking a hasty backward step and nodding, then looking down with a hitch when he nearly flattens someone’s kid. “With y-your mom, maybe?”

“Okay, buddy,” Tom says, lifting a hand to wave by rote. He drops it slowly back to his side, as Greg slips out the door behind some group of other visitors. He sighs hard through his nose, biting at the inside of his lip and muttering against it. “Fuck.”

“Hey, man,” Neal says, stage whispering from two tables over. He’s an insider trader with a rumored few hundred mil stashed away somewhere that everyone knows about, because he won’t shut up about it. “Was that rumor true about you two bumping uglies the whole damned time?”

“No,” Tom says, annoyed to hear his voice lift, as he keeps staring at the door and shoving down hard on the impulse to do something really stupid, like try to follow. “I was married.”

“Huh. You think I don’t hear that ‘was’?” Neal says, with a hum that leads into a quiet click of his tongue. “I will say this, man? He did not look that tall on the TV.”

“No?” Tom says, looking over with a sneer building across his lips.

“You two make each other look normal size,” Neal says, offering an unkind gesture with a back and forth sweep of his hand at two evident levels. “You have my endorsement. You got to be with someone who makes you look less like a freak.”

“Golly gee, thank you,” Tom says, flatly, rolling his eyes back to the door. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

A sharp clear of the throat comes from behind Tom. “Are we conspiring, gentleman?”

“With this guy? Our resumes don’t line up,” Neal scoffs, which is… insulting but sort of true, since he actually made money off trade schemes, while Tom fell on a sword and jammed another person on top of himself and it for good measure. “But did you see his boy? He could play for the Knicks.”

“I did see that,” Maria says, tilting her head in the same direction. “He didn’t look that tall on PGN.”

Neal raises his brows. “That’s what I’m saying.”

Tom folds the Funyuns bag, half and half over again, empty now after Greg offered it as the standard fare. “So you really like the work – are you looking into becoming the worlds largest paralegal?”

“The whole job is, you know, interesting, seeing it from the other side, but –” Greg leans forward, as his eyes go wide with a marked sparkle of excitement. “The – like, the best part is reading all the horrible things people did.”

Tom rolls his eyes. “Oh god, your insatiable snoop monster is finally being sated.”

“I guess?” Greg says, sweeping his ever-growing hair behind both his ears with his hands. “The worst so far is this guy who admitted to your mom he totally burned up a company car, but she had to convince everyone it got stolen.”

“Wow,” Tom says, lowering his voice with a glance toward the observing CO utterly ignoring them. “Burned it?”

“I guess he was super unhappy at his job?” Greg says, with a small shrug of a single shoulder up against his ear. “I never would’ve done that – I like having stuff too much.”

Tom snorts hard, as he leans back away, grudgingly putting some space between them for his next question. “I know you do. Speaking of… How was your New Years thing? Aside for your scheduling issues.”

It probably didn’t go great, because no Roy function ever does, but there has to be some reason Greg came back to Minnesota, afterward, rather than sending Tom some Dear John about sticking it with them a second time. In fact, Tom had thought that was exactly what he was going to get until he got called up today, since Greg missed Saturday, so he’s just… more curious than ever.

“Oh, uh…” Greg sighs hard through his nose, slumping back in his seat. “It was… bad. I’ve never really seen my mom with them all, as like an adult? It – like, it was really uncomfortable. But Grandpa Ewan at one point, uh – He actually yelled at Uncle Logan for calling her a pill head, so that was, like. It was nice of him? But my mom still kind of cried.”

Tom presses his mouth together in a grimace; that sounds par for the course. “That sucks, bud.”

“I got some champagne, though, and brought it home,” Greg says, eyes flicking back to make contact with Tom, then a laugh breaks through his lips. “Your dad is funny – he thought like I’d get in trouble? But it wasn’t even like the most expensive stuff.”

Tom stares back for a beat, then slowly cocks his brows. “…You got my parents champagne?”

“I-I can get you some later,” Greg says, eager, wiggling forward on his seat and leaning into his elbows on the table with a wide look. “It’s like not until September. Or like, you can pick it out – I just took this off the table.”

“You’re such a delinquent, Greg,” Tom says, then swallows hard, as he realizes for the nth time, in a way that still feels just absolutely impossible, Greg seems to really be in Minnesota just for him. “What am I going to do with you?”

“Like, the same as usual? Hey, like,” Greg says, scratching up against the side of his nose with a thumb. “Do you think the champagne is like a heavier offense than the papers?”

Tom drops his head in a deep nod. “I think it would be to your family,” he says, affectedly flat and joyless.

“My mom like brought this extra big purse with a bunch of plastic baggies,” Greg says, waving down at his side with a gesture like he’s brought his own bag. “And she took like a bunch of food. She said it was for her book club.”

Tom tilts his head to a wide angle, then scoffs hard through his nose while lifting it back up. “I’ve never met your mother, but I like her, Greg.”

“The book club is more like a wine club,” Greg adds, looking up when the CO starts to make the announcement for the end of visiting hours. He rises from his chair with a stretch, back cracking like a broken zipper. “I used to have to pick her up? But now she uses like Uber and sometimes her friend, Brian.”

“That’s so funny,” Tom says, wrapping a hand around Greg’s nape, as he leans down for his now-customary hug. “You have a good week, okay?”

“I’m sorry I missed Saturday,” Greg says, his pout unambiguous against Tom’s neck while he speaks into it. “The stupid plane –”

Tom hums loud to interrupt, squeezing one last time before reluctantly letting go. “Hey, you were here today.”

Tom isn’t sure if he’s more anxious or less with Greg around, as his release date approaches with the quick passing of summer. He feels weight against his back, excited but crawling with uncertainty, as easily hundreds of good, bad, or ugly ways it could go build in the back of his head and he… He wants to know where he stands with Greg, but also he doesn’t want to know; the thing that makes him nearly lean up at every perfectly appropriate hug, sitting as it’s been so long under his ribs, almost scarier than any of the rest of it.

He never expected Greg to do more than uncomfortably put up with it, let alone start to… regularly imply some similar sentiment. The ambiguity of zero privacy spares him any real denial or confession. He can pretend forever that Greg really forgives him, or at least the actions, and will stand with him at the gate at the end of all this, if he never, ever asks.

“Yeah, but it’s like… we made it?” Greg says, sweeping his hand through his hair, then he offers the other to make a jazzy gesture. “Or, I did. You’ve got two months? It was – it sucked, a lot, and everything, but the, like… I think the working yourself up before it the first time was actually the worst part? To me. When you thought you’d end up in, like… Alcatraz.”

“Alcatraz is closed, first off, Gregory, and second, I’ve read it was mostly the island part that sucked. Whatever, yes, it’s done. …But I wish you’d had something to run off with, anyway,” Tom says, rolling his voice around the word with a low grumble. He gestures toward the decidedly denominational symbol hanging around the curtain rod at the window, smuggled in by some past visitor. “I’m not a Catholic, but there’s still some part of me that feels like I should have taken all this guilt upon myself like I promised to.”

“If it helps, I – I maybe did?” Greg says, wetting his lips, then dropping his shoulders with a shrug. “Have… something. But I decided not to use it.”

Tom stares for a few beats, mouth twisting downward, and when Greg doesn’t crack and admit to some terrible joke, he feels his hands curl into fists across the top of the table. “…You what?”

“Yeah, uh,” Greg shrugs, again, blinking rapidly and looking down, plainly not having expected to get this sort of response for his confession of heinous idiocy. “Um. You remember when we – We were at your like house – penthouse…? I… I recorded it on my phone.”

“Greg,” Tom says, hearing his voice bark, then forcing it back down into something lower like a hiss. “Why the fuck wouldn’t you use that?”

“Your mom said it probably wouldn’t matter? She might’ve – probably was lying, but –” Greg suddenly reaches across the table and sets his hand on top of Tom’s wound fist. “Now it – I think… I don’t know. I’d rather just be happy that I’m here like this an-and with you now, than… wonder if I had used it? If I wouldn’t be.”

Tom stares for a few beats, suffering a brief, horrible wash of anger at his mother. “Greg –”

Greg shakes his head, fingertips scrambling at the edge of Tom’s turned-down hand. “I dunno, Tom, shit sorta happens?” He continues, his voice lowering, almost breaking, “Like… like how none of this would’ve happened, at all, if I hadn’t told Gerri ab-about your press conference plan an-and then lied to you about it.”

Tom stares and feels his eyes narrow, then widen, as his whole expression threatens to collapse; he’s angry, so angry, but it wanes almost all at once when he sees Greg is… trying so hard to blame himself for some reason. He shakes his head and looks down, pulling his hand from underneath Greg’s by widely spreading his fingers.

Greg makes a tight, pained noise, almost soundless.

Tom finishes the action to wind their fingers together, palm to palm, to put himself in a more active grip. He’s… upset, yeah, but he’s suspected this for a while; he suspected Greg telling a lot of people about a lot of things that were just too convenient, but he was just as bad. “Okay, Greg, don’t… get so worked up. You’re not that big of a snake. That’s why I’m so mad you didn’t slither out of this – you’re usually smarter.”

Greg takes a wet breath. “But I –”

Tom tightens both his hands around Greg’s one, squeezing around the knuckles. “Don’t start. You’d been working in the corporate environment not even a month, baby, and I can’t remember giving you a single reason to trust me.”

Greg takes a sharp breath, lifting his eyes and mouth dropping open, but he still doesn’t speak until seconds later: “Ne-neither did Gerri.”

“She was the closest thing you knew to a lawyer,” Tom says, tilting his head with a flat, sarcastic smile. “Too bad she’s probably even more biased and self-serving than the rest of us.”

“Maybe… yeah. Like, with Roman, she – ” Greg looks up with a start, as a shadow falls somehow indifferently over their table.

“I want to preface this by saying none of the comments by Officer Carlos were homophobic,” Maria says, pointing over her shoulder at the markedly ducking CO that’s been shadowing her for a few weeks. “He had me concerned because you look like you’re fighting, but now I’m here and it’s more a crying situation. Are we having a problem, gentlemen?”

“No, ma’am,” Greg says, ducking his head with evident mortification. “No-not at all. I can’t really cry with witnesses, actually.”

Tom flattens his lips with a shake of his head at Greg, then up at Maria, who’s now giving Greg the hairy eyeball. He squeezes Greg’s hand one last time before letting it go. “We’re just praying for our sins.”

“Inmate Wambsgans,” Maria says, turning her condescending look toward toward him with a bizarrely uncanny rock of her head. “Do you even know where chapel is?”

Tom stares Maria down for a solid beat, then lifts his hand with a point and a crooked smirk. “It’s the same place where I meet my counselor.”

Maria raises an unamused brow. “You got me there.” She nods down at the table. “The time ends in twenty minutes. You better apologize quick, eh?”

“Ten-four,” Tom says, sunnily, dropping his arm to smack at the table with an exaggerated gesture and very light tap.

Later, once the announcement officially goes out to part ways that afternoon, Tom presses his lips lightly across Greg’s jaw, hiding it inside the hug; it earns him a tight squeeze almost to the point of asphyxia.

====

Greg cranes his head up at the station, leaning against the hood of the car behind him. He looks like he’s actually judging it, which is pretty funny, since his amateur interest began with a Parducci documentary he watched on a flight to Scotland. He’d gotten Minneapolis and Detroit confused, then been irked when Tom didn’t know about all the buildings in this city that he’d visited once on a hockey trip.

“You don’t have to write an essay on it,” Tom says, flatly, keeping one eye on Greg and the other on the mechanic in the open bay. It would be just his luck to get a trespassing call an hour after his release. “You’re not going to be graded on if you like a tacky gas station in a town that’s only other claim to fame is Jessica Lange.”

“It’s got a – ” Greg takes a breath, gesturing back and forth with flailing, turning palms. “A lot of angles.” He looks over at Tom, raising his brows with a short lean inward. “Did you know they built this – uh, fake one sort of the same in Buffalo, recently?”

Tom stares for a beat, taking in Greg’s eager, bright face, then leans up and kisses him across the mouth. He figures if Greg shoves him, he can just blame the surprise that way, in his own head, rather than the much slimmer, but very present, chance of disgust. He ends up being the one surprised, when Greg hums deeply, all of a sudden weighing heavy on Tom’s shoulder with an arm wrapping around his neck. It even makes him forget the mechanic, who’s hopefully not a total dick.

“I, um – ” Greg stutters, moments later, a smile cutting across his face while he goes on to shake his head. “It’s maybe not that great, Tom? The one in – uh, in the museum is all copper.”

Tom yanks at Greg gently by the coat lapels, listening to a resulting sputtered laugh, and tightens his voice up somewhat more cartoonish, maybe like how he’d scold a baby. “You just prove over and over you can’t appreciate these nice things I give you.”

#tomgreg #this is probably one of the longest of these ive done lol #long distance prison era

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lucadrawss · 17 days

Note

Do you mind Info dumping about Ai? I need to know everything about him.

OF COURSE!

Thank you for giving me permission to ramble about my beloved Zexal OC! :D

(I apologise this is so long)

Ai's 15 though people always tell me he looks older. He's about 6ft and stubborn as fuck. I'm aware that's tall for his age but he's a dragon so he's allowed to be tall >:(

His personality was originally a combination of Shark's, Astral's and Yuma's in his first design which I kept when I gave him his current design (I just like the thought of him being an ass but also being kinda nice).

I put alot of thought into his design and what parts of it could represent as I do with all my OCs, every single tiny detail has a reason.

(I draw horns differently now)

I unintentionally gave him similar eyes to Astral but I kept it because it suits him in my opinion.

If you can't tell he's gay, super gay (asexual as well). I tried to make him look as fruity as possible.

Ai normally wears a jacket to cover his scars since he's ashamed of how he got them (bad home life) but at times will feel comfortable with them on show. The gloves cover some scars too, but he hardly takes those off.

I attempt to draw him in platform boots but fail every time. Despite being tall af, he likes the boots so tends to wear them.

The earrings were actually passed down in his family, he got them from his father (who faked his own death basically) when he was 5 and almost always wears them as a comfort item.

Ai doesn't chose for his nails to be that long, they're claws. They grow back pretty quickly so he just gave up cutting them since they stop at a certain length, he just paints them now.

Yes his hair colour is natural, his older sister has it too. He has a good relationship with his sister. (Her names Gi, she's 28 and a paramedic)

Obviously Ai is a duelist. I'm uncreative so he tends to use dragon cards mainly (I know I know boring).

With relationship stuff, currently nothing yet. @renaakabane ships him with Astral though. Idk I think its kinda cute but I'm not entirely sure yet. Though she has me considering it.

He has one friend, Shark. Eventually he ends up becoming friends with Yuma, Astral, the whiny bitch that is Tori, ect, but Shark was one of the only people he really trusted.

The guys a fucking dragon so obviously I'm gonna give him dragon features. He does have the ability for wings but I never draw them. I drew them once, in a sketch, it looks bad, I was exhausted. I have drawn them though for a thing showing the detail of his dragon type. These are his:

The purple fade is because of healing, Ai tore both his wings at some point and thats basically them scarring. He doesn't know how to fly though so its fine. :)

This. I don't necessarily think these need much of an explanation.

I'll explain the fire thing though. Ai's type of dragon obviously has the ability to create fire. Its difficult to do but they can light their sweat, plus they have a gland in their throat that releases an odorless and colourless gas which they can light by creating a spark with their teeth. They're fire resist to a degree so they can still burn and can stand more heat than the average person but again they can't entirely stand it.

His type of dragon can hide their features to appear more human, hence this image where he looks relatively human:

He's a fucking dumbass though he is rather smart and strategic, he's a good student grades wise and is a good duelist too. Anything else? He makes dumb decisions and gets into trouble often. Dumb decisions include doing reckless stuff or eating flowers. Theres more dumb shit he does though.

I like drawing him like this:

He curses so often, isn't afraid to insult people and will physically fight them.

I also tend to go into mental detail with my OCs. Ai has ADHD and anxiety issues (such as PTSD and often has panic attacks, because I base my OCs off of myself a little. All of them have at least some element that reflects myself.)

His hobbies include: drawing, music (guitar, he cuts his nails every time before hand), dancing and dueling.

Ai likes dresses :) (Oh god old art. I really need to redraw this its terrible.)

My friends tend to go on about how its stereotyping because he's a gay guy and feminine but let a guy enjoy a dress come on, his sexuality is not the reason I designed him to enjoy that type of thing. I just wanna be able to draw him in a dress :(

Pretty sure I've gone through almost everything, I'll stop before it gets any longer haha. Thank you for letting me talk about him!

#oc rambling #answered asks #zexal oc #thanks for letting me ramble!#appreciate it #I wanted to talk about him so badly #since he's one of my favourite OCs

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charmixpower · 10 months

Text

Issue Forty-One: Love Beach

This is still so cool!!! Wish we got to see this in the show!!!

Amusement....Kingdom....

The Winx world in the comics is a capitalist NIGHTMARE

An ENTIRE KINGDOM dedicated to being a amusement park, hate that

Someone fire the colorist

Nfnskdksd Griselda girl fnsndndn

MFNSBFJSJDJSKDJSJS STELLA SO RUDE!!!!

But omg does she look amazing in that outfit

The scarf, the hat, the glasses, Queen you are so gorgeous

Musa looks gorgeous as well, her glasses and top matching her hair bands, Musa I love youuuuuu

Seriously what the fuck is going on in Cotradora's head

Anyways look at Riven's sunglasses, he almost looks as cool as he pretends to be ❤️❤️

I love this outfit actually lol

Brandon's necklace looks great too

Helia looks so handsome, godbless

JCJAKDJE RIVEN HAS A TOOTH/CLAW NECKLACE OH MY GOD HES SO PREDICTABLE 💕💕💕

And poor Timmy, I feel so bad for him. He both has to deal with his own feelings of inadequacy and listen to people voice it

Girl he is being constantly bullied and jeered about something he's always struggled with and been insecure about, like it's not about you right now. I understand that he thinks something incorrect about you but anxiety is an asshole. It isn't about you it's about his low self-esteem and how people's bullying makes him see the world

Also brushing off his fears about your dad is mean, he literally has come between you two and he's worried that his fucking up will make it happen again, it's just anxiety brain

"Just think about us two instead!" Yeah when people literally sit at the side of the beach and relentlessly mock him he should just remember he has a girlfriend, really Tecna?

Why is Icy even in this comic??? Like she doesn't actually do anything except exist around the actual villain, that blonde guy

She doesn't need to be in this issue bestie

FJANDKSDKDKSJDJJDDKKSJDJDJD THIS IS SO PITIFUL JDAHJSJS HIS BIG PLAN IS TO GET A PITY FUCK OH THATS SO EMBARRASSING

Girl you are well aware that he's both being bullied, and is easily peer pressured AND he's inviting you to hang out with him

Why are you so cranky

Tenca those glasses look amazing on you also why'd you even let it get to this point before you broke up with Timmy???

Girl you see your boyfriend struggling with bullying and insecurity and you dumb him because he's not giving you enough attention

Girl I hope YOU don't have any problems in the future, would be a shame if someone dropped your ass for that

Tenca is NOT polyamorous NFNSKDKSNJSKSJ

She looks great, and also I cannot imagine that Tecna is all that physically strong so this guy is absolutely built like a twig house

Wow this is even more annoying than s4 Musa's rebound

Tecna didn't even wait a second after being dumped to start wanting Timmy back bc the new boy was a jackass

Like I think Musa's crush on Jason wouldn't have worked out anyways, but if this guy wasn't secretly a dick Tecna would still be with him

Not even a SECOND before wanting her ex to take her back

Timmy I'm begging you to have some self respect, I know you were being bullied but please you don't need to do this

Look at Timmy he's so happy ❤️❤️

Also everyone loves Brandon, including the ocean

#Winx club #Rus liveblogs #Winx comics #Winx comic #long post

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moonlight-melts · 1 year

Text

Still burning

Hi I have prism brainrot :)

I don't have a lot to say here. Timeline-wise, it's late enough in the story for Charlie to refer to Goro by his first name.

I reference a book throughout my narration. That book is a plot device I made up and does not exist. Sorry, I know these are killer one-liners, but sadly I made them up 😔 /j

Charlie mentions "[...] everything I've done [...]" Don't look for what he's talking about, I never explicitly mentioned it before. But to give you a vague idea, he works part-time for a newspaper that used to have... Peculiar means of obtaining information.

Warnings: this contains depiction of a suicide attempt (in the past), violence, abuse and anxiety. There's also an extremely vague depiction of dissociation and self-harm urges. This is again dialogue-heavy because these two TALK SO MUCH they'd belong in a theatre play.

Please REBLOG my writing! Thank you!

¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸

A book I like has a line that goes "And when I look in the mirror, I see everything and nothing all at once, because my rage blinds me as much as it brings me clarity."

For a while, I wasn't sure what the author meant by that. But now, as I stare at my own reflection, it makes sense. I'm this close to punch the glass, making a wreck out of my hand, because it shows me things I don't want to see. The scar at the corner of my lips. The incensed glint in my eyes. Even as I look down, my hands give it all away. They shake, clenched on the edges of the sink.

Goro's words are going round in my head. I know he's right.

"One wrong call, and we're all dead."

It's true.

One misstep and we're all dead. I know it. I know it, and yet my hands still shake because holy fuck, why.

Then I remember why.

I remember the tears in Yūki's eyes. Shiho's face as she leaped off the roof. Naoya's request on the Phan-site. Goro's grudge against the world.

I remember how the entire world fucks people like us over.

I remember the bruises, the whimpers, the sobs and the screams.

I remember how hard we believe we can't be saved, or save ourselves.

I remember the nights alone trying to fight off the nagging urges.

I remember the scars we all bear, physical or not.

I remember our despair.

That's why.

That same book, later, says "In my violence, I find peace. In the end I'm one with the storm." and it brings back to my mind a reflection I had a little while ago on the paths we all took. Because our only common point, really, is our anger.

Yūki, Shiho and Naoya are all conflict-avoidant to a fault. Their anger is subdued, dismissed, and expressing it is a hard, painful task.

Goro is bitter. He's seen the worst and he isn't sure why he's even fighting anymore. His anger boils, unrelenting, yet exhausted.

As for me...

That's when I realise I stared crying. I'm not sobbing, but the tears roll down my cheeks by themselves, ignoring my frustrated attempts at wiping them.

As selfish as it sounds, the world around me disappears, leaving only me and me and me and me and...

A hand on my shoulder.

It jerks me back to reality so suddenly that my knees almost give out.

-I really don't understand you sometimes, seriously. I get not wanting to be a burden or whatever it is you have in mind, but this is just dumb.

-Do you really need to be an asshole about it?

-I don't see what you're talking about. I'm stating facts. What you're doing is stupid. What were you even thinking about?

-I was thinking about... I gesture vaguely. Everything. "One wrong call and we're all dead." And I know what -or who, really- I'm fighting for, and I don't wanna let anyone down because that happened to all of us so much already that...

I don't know how to finish that sentence. Goro sighs (because of course he does) and hands me a tissue.

-I wonder how you do that, sometimes.

He admits after a bit.

-How I do what?

-There's so much... Tenderness in your resentment.

He spits the word out like it's in a foreign language, and I really can't help but snicker.

-What's even funny about this?

-Nothing! The way you say it is just...!

I'm laughing for real now, and it definitely chases away what was left of my angry tears.

-Will you stop?!

Goro is starting to sound annoyed, but I can hear a hint of a smile in his voice. As I calm down, I ask:

-What do you mean by "tenderness"?

-You're driven by your need to... Protect others. You want to make them feel safe. I find it odd.

-Well, it might be to you, because your motives are essentially your own revenge and, more generally, your own self -not that it's necessarily a bad thing. You've been wronged-

-That's putting it lightly.

-Mh, but all that to say that you're just frustrated and tired out of your mind. I have another mentality, is all. I don't want what happened to me or to any of you to happen to anyone else if I can help it.

He clicks his tongue.

-See? There it is again.

-Kindness, gentleness... They're choices I made. It doesn't erase everything I've done before, but...

-But?

-It proves that people can change. I chose not to be bitter, but it's fine if you take another path.

Change is scary. It's hard. I know that much.

-Is it?

A sour chuckle escapes his lips and his voice sounds uncharacteristically small.

-Yeah! We're humans. We react differently to stuff. That's pretty cool, really. Being a human is neat.

He shakes his head, but he's smiling.

-Really, I don't understand you.

-That's why you love me.

-Huh? Are you sure about that?

-Aw, come on!

As we laugh (together), I face myself in the mirror one more time and I remember another quote from that book. "Love is not a remedy to everything. It doesn't fix anything. But sometimes, it makes things okay. That's enough."

Indeed, I think as I look at Goro's smile and remember Yūki's, Shiho's and Naoya's.

That's enough.

#remind me that i still live 📰#And the world will live as one 📼#blueberry writes 🖋️

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bealovesmarauders · 1 year

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🧜🏻‍♀️mermaid - send me a description of yourself (personality-wise, hobbies, favorite things, physical characteristics, or all of the above, whatever you’re most comfy with!) and i’ll ship you with someone :) pls include gender preference and fandom!!

(every time i start writing this i get interrupted, this is my third try 😩)

umm, any gender and i don't want to say any fandom because i feel like that's too broad but literally whatever you pick i'll be happy with. Still, to narrow it down I’ll say marauders but if you think of another match i’ll love it no matter who you say<3

Personality: I'm a terribly anxious person, not to the point that it's like crippling or anything, just that like,yeah, anxiety be anxieting. So sometimes if i’m with people i’m not entirely comfortable with i just won’t talk, like i’m very very quiet at parties (also very quiet in general). I was recently described as a "Walking intrusive thought" which i'm actually ok with because her reasoning was sound. I'll either be very calm or very bonkers and off the wall (i know too many things so i must share them with the masses lest they go stale in my brain). I'm always worried that i'm too pretentious because i talk like i learned my vocabulary from a period drama. When anyone does even the littlest thing for me, I get so happy like aaahh you care about me (like yesterday i was very overwhelmed and I have tics and they have taken control of my hands so i was doing my land-synchronized swimming routine with my arms and then my friend was just like "Here just hold my hand" and i was like aaahhh you care about me🥰🥰🥰) I'm like, hella funny. I try to be humble but it's true so why deny it. it’s sort of a dry humor and it’s all about waiting for the opportune moment. and also great swaths of sarcasm… and my love languages of how i receive it is acts of service or physical touch (definitely physical touch) and how i show my love is definitely gift giving.

Hobbies: sewing (i’m making my prom dress), reading, writing, and learning anything i can about historical fashion<3 OH MY GOD I ALMOST FORGOT THE BUTTER i make butter often and frequently, sometimes i get fancy with it and make roasted garlic butter, black garlic, honey, lavender honey, cinnamon, and i Loooove giving it to people all the time. I also make stickers for people, and my typical gift is butter and stickers <3

Favorite things: the color burgundy, sea shanties, weighted blankets, 4XL sweatshirts, my dior lucky perfume my aunt gave me, collecting antique books, crystals, pre-raphaelite paintings, having deep philosophical conversations about ridiculous things, crystals, when my sister braids a piece of my hair when one of us is going away, pirate shirts, arctic moneys + the last shadow puppets, Western movies specifically with Sam Elliot, anything to do with pirates and 40s music

physical characteristics: Brownish-blondish hair depending on the lighting, blue eyes, vertically challenged (i’m 5’3 on a good day��), and small enough to the point that if anyone needs to get something out of a tight space they call me (also small enough that random women think they can grab my waist and say “you’re so small omg”)

whenever, if ever you get to this i’m sure you’ll pick someone perfect and i’ll love whatever you come up with <3 no pressure ever and take all the time you need 💕💕 and congratulations again <3<3<3

hi my love! i ship you with remus!

obviously he definitely can relate to the anxiety part,,, i think you guys would meet at a party or something cause you both would be in the corner 😭 rem is such a voracious reader and i like to think he pics up vocabulary very easily so he's like the only one who understands when you use big words (the other marauders would probably tease you for it, albeit lovingly). he's probably not used to getting little gifts but he definitely loves trinkets and has a whole section of his bedside table dedicated to you<3

i think he'd also be really understanding about your tics. remus knows what it feels like to have all eyes on him, and since he picks up on details and body language really quickly i think he'd be pretty attuned to them. he'd probably be like your friend and hold your hand if you wanted<3 you'd also have conversations about anything and everything, especially philosophical (i hc that remus HATES david hume and loves mary wollstonecraft). he'd also be so in awe of your sewing, maybe you'd sew him something sometime and he'd wear it everywhere. you'd also share a love for antique books and he'd probably buy you a first edition of your favorite one for an anniversary or something.

and the height difference omg. since you love big sweaters he's constantly giving you his jumpers (or maybe you're stealing them, shhh) and his favorite thing would be to just see you all swallowed up in his comfy clothes. remus is also such a handholder, and i can definitely see you guys just being attatched physically one way or another literally all the time (it comforts both of you). i also think that remus is definitely all about the little things- opening the car door for you, walking on the outside of the sidewalk, holding the door open, etc. and again on the height difference, rem would 100% put things on the top shelf just so that you would need his help <3

i hope this is okay and that you like it<3

#moots <3 #bea's celly #remus lupin #ily

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bardicbeetle · 1 year

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Tell me about your Isaac!!!!

Okokokokokok SO--

Isaac also starts off like, a relatively normal person. He's got self worth issues out the wazoo that are, at least partially due to the fact that he blames himself for his father's death (we're gonna ignore his father's murder for like, 10 seconds). He runs/co-owns a little bookstore with his uncle, mostly it's just Isaac running it because his uncle Ed has gotten really really agoraphobic + his paranoia has gotten much worse (for other reasons we'll get to in a minute) as he's gotten older. He's got really awful insomnia and a massive anxiety problem that he mostly covers up by being Too Tired all the time for anyone to notice he's anything other than a nice levelheaded young man at a glance.

And then he almost gets killed when Alex shows up and tries to eat him. Which sends him spiraling into the realization that oh me imagining that my father was murdered by some sort of inhuman monster when i was 9? that was not my brain making shit up to cope. ok. cool. what the fuck?

So he ends up diving hardcore back into the monster-hunter (primarily vampires given the whole attack but not leaving other things out in case there's More Weird Garbage in the world trying to kill people) training his uncle had been drilling into him since his was a kid. Drags his two best friends into it (while telling them as little as , and somewhat accidentally on purpose ends up a walking talking blood bank for Alex while he tries to give them time to figure out they don't Actually Want to Kill People Forever (except he knows this is a lost cause from the beginning, he knows and he tries anyway against his friends worries for his physical health and Also against Daniel going "Look, I will actually not be able to stop Alex from killing you if you don't stop doing this, and that will fuck them up for decades, so please stop sticking your neck out they have enough issues already." [he doesn't stop, it does end up putting him in the hospital, it's fine])

Sometime down the line after Alex turns completely, Isaac ends up having to Actually tell the two friends (Carrie and Tom) he's been training to kill vampires that, Alex is in fact, that. This happens after Tom stakes Alex while they're sparring fully by accident, and Isaac shuts down because oh no i did not want to do this, i didn't want to have to explain I've let you both become friends with the person who I almost died for multiple times. but, kinda has to explain how the hell Alex heals the gaping hole in their side...

Anyways.

A brief overview, that was.

I just think he's neat.

Did I mention originally he was supposed to die? He's one of those characters who was supposed to die and then decided so hard that he was going to live that it drastically changed the entire trajectory of the story.

#character ref ir #screaming about sitd #sitd #questions concerns and or rotten tomatoes #abalonetea

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ninthnocturne · 2 years

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OOC: I wanted to give a little update and below the cut I will explain what happened. Fair warning it does involve violence so if you’re triggered by that sort of thing or assault don’t read below the cut. But I will say that I am doing much better mentally and I’ll probably start poking around here tomorrow maybe do some memes to get back into the groove. See if my brain can cooperate when it comes to actual replies to threads I had going but we’ll see how I’m feeling tomorrow when it comes to it. ok so onto the unpleasant stuff below the cut.

So on friday night I took my dogs out for what was suppose to be the last walk of the night before I started getting ready for bed. As I exited the building I saw my neighbor from down the hall hurrying inside really angry and my upstairs neighbor across the parking lot screaming obscenities at her. I’m very close with this neighbor she was insulting. Like to the point my family has more or less adopted her for holidays and such. But I’m not a confrontational or violent person so I asked the lady from upstairs to please stop yelling at my friend and that it was late my kids were sleeping. Apparently this was the wrong exact move to make. She rushed me and got up into my face reeking of alcohol. Again I’m not a violent person I have never even been in a physical confrontation in my entire 38 years. But she wasn’t getting out of my face even when I tried to back away so I reached up and pushed her face away from mine. That was apparently her “GO” button because she just started punching. I’m pretty bruised up from the ordeal and more than a little mentally shaken even almost a week later. The cops weren’t very nice to me either because I “made the first move” even though it was only to push her face away from me.

Didn’t end there either, I got my dogs under control when she finally stopped and attempted to just go home and get away and was pursued inside. She said she was going home and was taking the elevator so naturally I headed for the stairs at the end of the hall and she still followed me. She proceeded to threaten me with a taser and discharged it to show me that it worked and made threats about there not being cameras in the stair well. Thankfully someone on the first floor heard all her screaming and came out and got her to back off and distracted long enough for me to bolt up the three flights of stairs to my house to safety. Where she proceeded to spend the next couple hours after we talked to the cops stomping around upstairs because it made my dogs bark. It was then I found out that just before all this when my friend had went rushing inside it was because she had sneak attacked her while she was walking her own dog and sucker punched her in the side (which we found out the day after resulted in two broken ribs).

Again the cops while not rude to us when we dealt with them were definitely not helpful. They for some reason tried to lump the whole thing together as one event not two separate attacks. And said that if they arrested her they would have to arrest me and my friend also ‘to be fair to the lady who shall not be named.’ Which honestly I think is utter BS. But he told us we could get a restraining order on her later and that would likely get her kicked out and or arrested if she tried to retaliate or anything. I have two disabled sons and no one to watch or care for them but me so all three of us going to jail was not an option so we had to settle for the restraining order route. I went home barricaded my front door after locking it and didn’t go out again that night.

Now she discharged a weapon in full view of the building cameras and the office here definitely got it on tape so she is definitely being evicted. That’s all I really want out of all this is not to have to live beneath her. But until she does I’m just in a constant state of understandable stress and anxiety and haven’t been able to be around here or talk much.

But I wanted to write all this out not really so much to explain my absence but to you know get it out of my brain and I don’t know compartmentalize it a little. If that makes sense. I’ll definitely put proper tw tags on it and everything. I mostly wrote it out for me. getting it out does feel better than just keeping it to myself as I have been this week.

#tw: violence #tw:assault #out of character {out of waves}#You don't got to read what happened to me if you don't want to #I'm mostly doing this for myself more than anything to get it out of my head

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purplesurveys · 1 year

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1580

Are you a gold digger? No.

Describe the last dream you had: I don’t wanna, because I hated it.

Have you ever thought the sky would fall? I’ve never gotten this sensation before, actually.

Would you rather be younger or older? Older; it’d be cool to be able to fast forward and see what goals I’m able to reach or what new things I’ve had tried by then. Plus 2014-2020 were years spent with the wrong company, so it’s pointless to be wanting to be younger.

Do you miss anyone right now? When was the last time you saw them? My maternal grandpa. 2015.

Have you ever been screwed over relationship-wise? Explain: Yeah. Just lots of gaslighting that I’ve peacefully moved past from and haven’t felt like revisiting anymore.

Have you ever danced in the moonlight? Yesssss. It’s great.

Are you into the long hair, plays guitar type of guys? No. If you had to be stuck at one place in the entire world, where would it be? Seoul or New York City.

What was the last thing you broke and how’d it happen? Miraculously enough I haven’t wrecked anything in quite a while.

Do you know anyone, or have you ever been incarcerated? I know a couple of people who have been.

Have you ever drank Jack Daniels? Did you like it? Yes. It’s the most god-awful thing when warm, but recently I was served with what I think was Jack and Coke (or maybe just Jack??? with some ice) and it was really delicious.

What do you think about late at night? When I’m alone with just my thoughts, my head tends to immediately go towards my current and biggest anxieties; but I’ve also been a lot better at managing and like, not dwell on them – my go-to course of action is almost always to play the entirety of RM’s mono. everythingoes in particular is the song that is able to speak to me the most effectively.

When was the last time you cried and why? A few days ago when I was listening to The Astronaut and was thinking of Kimi. The beauty of that song is that it can most definitely mean more than just being dedicated to Army – you apply it to anyone or anything that means a lot to you, and the song just works.

Have you ever had your heart broken? What’d it feel like? Yes. The pain isn’t close to anything I can put into words. You feel heavy in every sense of the word, whether it’s in struggling to physically get out of bed, or feeling as though there are 10 lbs dumbbells pushing down against your chest. There’s a sense of hollowness to everything, your loved ones feel a million miles away, and you can’t sit through 5 minutes of doing something you once loved without feeling restless because you feel like it’s wrong for you to be enjoying something. It’s an extremely exhausting experience of grief and it’s nothing I want to have to go through ever again.

Have you ever had a friend with benefits? How’d that go? No thanks, not for me.

How much money do you have in your posession right now? I haven’t carried cash on me in like months.

Who do you lean on when you’re down? Just me. Angela sometimes, if I feel like sharing with her.

Who leans on you? I feel like Andi does, which I appreciate. Angela also.

Are you from a small town? Would you like to be? No, and no.

Have you ever been with someone but wanted to be with someone else? No.

When was the last time you really had fun? October 15 :) BTS Busan show. It was so much fun having invited friends over and putting in all the effort to blow up so many balloons and having party streamers all over the place and preparing food fit for an entire city (we were 6 lol).

There was a sense of finality around the show – a sense of finality that everybody else felt, but nobody wanted to acknowledge. It’s why I put in all that effort and preparation...I knew we aren’t going to have this for at least a couple of years, so I wanted to let my friends stay in the moment and focus on having fun while it lasted. Considering how things have panned out since, I’m glad I was able to share that experience with my friends.

When you’re driving, if someone’s going slow, do you pass them? Depends on what you mean by slow. I’m a pretty chill driver these days so most of the time I don’t mind trailing behind, but if it’s obvious that they’re an older driver or a student driver then that’s the time I’ll overtake.

What did you do last night? Work was pretty hectic yesterday so all I did was have dinner and settle in my room to relax immediately afterwards.

What are you doing tonight? It’s 1 AM and I’ve got work in 8 hours, so all there’s left for me to do is finish this survey and try to get some sleep.

Do you have a significant other? Nope.

If you do, are you kind of crushing on someone else? I am not.

Why did your last relationship end? Six years of incompatibility piled up and piled up until at one point it just exploded on us.

Have you ever had a three some? No.

What was your longest relationship? Four years.

What was the last concert you went to? Exempting online concerts I paid for, Paramore in 2018.

Do you have fake nails on right now? No.

Do you have your own computer? Yes.

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clangenrising · 2 months

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Haha, no offense, but starting now, I really dislike Aldertail. She judges cats by their covers (ahem, Mystique, ahem). Also, I am a Scorchplume Hater now. She used Mystique, who was kind enough to help her, and now is like, “She deserves it.” When she’s imprisoned. Once again, no offense intended, just my personal opinion.

You are definitely entitled to your opinion but hoo boy I'm about to go to bat for my girls.

Out of all of the characters in RisingClan, Aldertail and Scorchplume are the ones who have recieved the most trauma and abuse, both at Razor's hand (directly or indirectly). Both of them have been deeply affected by that abuse in ways that can be ugly and messy! And thats normal and okay.

Aldertail has severe anxiety and OCD. When she heard there was an Exalted cat in camp (not just that but the sister of the dictator she's been running for her life from) she very justifiably went into a panic attack about it! Youre right that she doesn't know before she judges here but she does know what the Exalted are like. Most of them are cruel or at the very least indifferent to the suffering of the Chaff.

This would be like if a person in a fascist regime was on the run because they were going to be put to death for a thing they didn't even do and then a cop from that regime showed up in their new home. They would be pretty justified in think that cop would want to have them put to death! It doesn't matter if the cop is a nice person, they're still a cop and they have a great deal of incentive to follow the law that would get this person killed.

And with her anxiety/OCD, those fears quickly get out of control as in she cannot control them. They become all consuming to the point where she gets physically ill and she starts compulsively tearing up the fur on her legs in an attempt to soothe herself. Aldertail is terrified and it's not a moral failing for her to be that way. Its a result of her mental illness and PTSD.

Now, Scorch is less justified in her treatment of Mystique and I understand the people who are wary of her. She enjoys being mean to people, especially when she's feeling scared or upset. But this is itself a defense mechanism and a result of her PTSD. She has come to associate the ability to talk down to someone with the safety of being above them. If she can hurt you and not face consequences that means she's safe in her mind and so it reassures her to say those kinds of hurtful things.

And, like I said in another ask, Scorch's anger at Mystique is almost entirely based in the idea "if you wanted to help me this whole time, why did you sit by and do nothing while Razor was abusing me?" It feels like an injustice! And since she can't do anything to make Razor accountable for what he did, she settles for making the bystander who enabled him feel miserable.

Is that healthy? No. If she continues to do those kinds of things, she will likely end up isolating herself from everyone around her. But it is a very common response to abuse and it shouldn't be a moral failing on her part that Razor fucked her up. Of course, she is responsible for her actions, but what she needs is someone who will love and accept her even despite her flaws and who will try to help her move past them.

This is what restorative justice is about! If anyone who developed a harmful or maladaptive coping mechanism was immediately disqualified from having friends or receiving kindness or sympathy that would be a deeply terrible world to live in, I feel.

So yes, while I understand how you feel and you're entitled to your own opinions, I would urge you to practice exercising compassion. Look at people and think "why are they like this?" instead of immediately writing them off as Bad and Wrong.

#not art #asks and answers #anon asks #Scorchplume #Aldertail

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felinedetached · 3 years

Text

Fandom Ableism in the MCYT Community

[Edited 14 June 2021]

One thing I’ve noticed about the MCYT (Dream SMP, specifically) community on both Tumblr and Twitter is that when informed of things that are ableist, or harmful to ND people, a lot of people ignore the post/tweet, derail it or actively fight against it.

“I’m ND so I can’t be ableist” is a common statement, which is blatantly untrue. Even I’ve used ableist terms and phrases before, without realising they were harmful. So as a neurodivergent person, with autism, BPD, depression/anxiety, dyslexia, psychosis & brain damage*: here’s some common ableist things both CCs and fandom say almost constantly**.

*note that not every neurodivergent person will agree with me on these, but these are commonly ableist things people have previously talked about online, and/or have been discussed between me and other neurodivergent friends. No minority can ever speak for the entire group.

**note that a lot of these are common outside the MCYT community as well, and that some of these are just considered societally acceptable. This isn’t okay, but it explains why a lot of people don’t recognise jokes or comments like these are wrong, and it means that it’s not a direct moral failing of people that they don’t immediately or directly recognise these comments as wrong.

Now, let’s get into the things you might not have realised are potentially ableist:

1. Use of “Psychopath/Psycho/Sociopath/Schizo” and other demeaning terms for people with mental illnesses as insults, or to describe characters who are considered villainous. Psychopath/Psycho/Sociopath are already terms that people with ASPD dislike using, even not as an insult, but using these terms to describe people or characters who you disagree with or see as villainous only contributes to the villainisation of people with ASPD and other mental illnesses. Using c!Dream as an example: Dream as a character is not confirmed to have any of these mental illnesses. He is, however, commonly labeled as psychotic/psychopathic, incapable of any kind of compassion.

He is also a character that fandom largely insists that nobody is allowed to sympathise with. This is a huge issue, and has hurt a lot of people, especially people with low empathy, or mental illnesses that cause them to relate to some of c!Dream’s actions (e.g. pulling away from all his friends, desperately grasping at straws to gain control of situations etc). Insisting that these characters are characters it’s impossible to sympathise with, all while calling them psychotic/psychopathic/sociopathic, is extremely harmful, and I hope this post draws attention to that.

Here’s another post that talks about that.

2. Use of the term “freak”, in general. As an insult, “freak” has been typically used to insult neurodivergent people, people with visible physical disabilities (ex. “freakshow”, and the term was reportedly created with the intent of insulting people with physical disabilities), or people who display any kind of abnormal/atypical social behaviour/physical aspects — people who are usually ND people who lack a diagnosis or people with physical disabilities. Recent usage has come to mean “people who do things that hurt other people”, but this is harmful as well; using words like “freak” or “weirdo” which mean “socially atypical behaviour” to refer to people who are actually doing things that hurt other people conflates the two, and often has a side effect of hurting disabled people who see it.

3. Calling ND ccs like Technoblade monotone/emotionless. While the term “monotone” isn’t ableist in and of itself, the fact that it’s being used against a neurodivergent man who emotes in a different way to neurotypical people rubs a lot of ND people the wrong way. I’ve partially discussed this here, in a tweet responding to a person who said that c!Technoblade, quote, “has no human capabilities like emotion for example”. This, however, is not something contained to c!Technoblade — one of the most common jokes in this fandom is how rare it is to hear emotion in Technoblade’s voice.

The issue with that is that neurodivergent people almost universally agree that Technoblade emotes perfectly fine, and, in fact, emotes more freely and clearly than a lot of others do. Hence, calling him monotone perpetuates the idea of ND people as emotionless/less able to be hurt/less expressive, which often hurts us. It also contributes to the dehumanisation of ND people — related to how ND symptoms are most often seen in robots or monsters in shows — and is generally extremely harmful, on top of being untrue.

4. Related to point 3: the infantilisation of ND ccs like Tubbo and Dream, usually paired with assigning “caretakers” of their friends, like Tommy and George. This is about the posts that spread like “omg, Tommy helps Tubbo with his dyslexia, that’s so cute” or “omg George is so patient with Dream, I could never sit through that” on videos of Dream vocally stimming because of his ADHD. This is another post that talks about this, but I wanted to talk more about why this is harmful here.

4a) With Tubbo’s dyslexia, from someone with dyslexia, it isn’t harmful to correct his spelling and move on. Personally, I think this is helpful — others will think it’s condescending, because not all ND people are the same — but as the above linked post mentions, this is not what Tubbo’s twitch chat does. This is not what the comments say. It’s all things about how it’s “so cute” that Tubbo can’t spell, how Tommy/Ranboo are “so patient” with correcting him. This is rooted in the need to constantly watch over ND people while acting like we can't live our lives without someone having us under constant vigilance. It feels like savior-complex ableism, like people are trying so hard to not be ableist that they spin back around to hurting us instead. And it feels like we are being treated like children. Like we are lesser than, and need to be monitored/watched over.

4b) Similarly to what people do with Tubbo, the comments on posts about Dream’s vocal stimming are often full of people calling George “patient” for “dealing with it”, or claiming they “wouldn’t be able to handle it”. This is inherently ableist. They’re praising George for basic human decency towards ND people, and claiming in the same breath that they wouldn’t be able to do that themselves. And then there’s these.

These comments infantilise Dream — claiming he “wouldn’t be able to stop/calm down” without George’s help, implying he’d “spiral out of control” or claiming “everyone is now my child”. It’s all related to the infantilisation of ND people, and the belief that without help/a caretaker we cannot take care of ourselves.

5. The way people treat ccs who likely have undiagnosed neurodivergencies, like Wilbur. Wilbur has openly admitted on stream before that his parents considered getting him an autism diagnosis. He also openly admits on stream that he has habits he doesn’t understand why he does, and hyperfixates on things for months at a time and doesn’t know why. Posts like this have gone around Tumblr, in which Wilbur displays blatantly ND traits.

And fandom generally calls him weird for expressing those traits. This video where he talks about eating sand because he likes the texture? That’s an ND trait. This video where he talks about his irrational hatred for anteaters? While mostly a joke, irrational hatred of something when you can’t explain/understand/articulate why is also a common ND trait. He spends 20 minutes during a Philza stream info-dumping about self-sustaining ecosystems (sharing the photo, because I think it’s really cool) and fandom begins calling them “Wilbur’s weird jars”. It’s demeaning to people who infodump, and as a ND person who hyperfixates and infodumps it’s really upsetting to see. It’s also upsetting to see other ND traits being called “weird” or “freaky” & made out to be soley some funny joke for NT people to laugh at us about.

Additionally: It’s strange to me that people think it’s okay to make fun of ND traits just because they know that or perceive that the person they’re making fun of is NT. It’s still making fun of ND traits. It’s still insulting ND people. It’s still ableist as hell. Why is it okay just because the person is NT?

6. Implying that c!Ranboo’s enderwalking is inherently violent. Ranboo has shown us time and time again that the enderwalk state isn’t a violent state. That the enderwalk state isn’t a seperate version of c!Ranboo that does horrific things. Why, then, is it so common to imply that Ranboo would be violent and hurt people why he’s enderwalking?

It comes back to the perception of c!Ranboo as a character with “two halves”, or as a character with DID. Ranboo has made it clear that his character does not have DID, but this headcanon about his character persists, and it persists in a way that is directly harmful to people with DID — and to people who dissociate or sleepwalk. We do not commit horrific acts while we dissociate, while we’re sleepwalking, because the majority of the time we’re just checked out, our body is on autopilot. Insinuating that we do is harmful. Insinuating that Ranboo has “another half” that’s inherently violent or evil is harmful to people with DID. I’m not going to ask you to stop writing these headcanons etc, but please consider the effect you have on people before you do.

7. Related to point 6: the perception of c!Ranboo as “soft” and “cute” and/or perfectly moral because of his canonical anxiety. This is really harmful, and comes once again from the infantilisation of disorders like anxiety and depression. Ranboo has made clear time and time again that his character isn’t moral, and in fact is extremely inconsistent. He’s portrayed his character as inconsistent, as someone who hurts his friends unintentionally and often due to his want to please everyone, and yet he’s constantly seen as “soft/pure/the only moral one” because of his anxiety causing to have repeated and consistent spirals on-screen. These spirals are not healthy. They don’t indicate his “perfect morals” or make him more moral than anyone else on the SMP. Please stop infantilising people with anxiety, it’s really hurtful.

8. Implying that c!Technoblade is inherently a violent person because of his voices. I’ll admit here: my hallucinations are visual. I do not get auditory hallucinations, and I cannot speak for people who do. But many people have spoken out about this, and discussed how talking about Technoblade as an inherently violent character because of his voices is harmful, and a stereotype of people with schizophrenia.

Technoblade’s character is, in and of itself, inherently a stereotype (despite the fact that his chat are more likely to be a supernatural entity than a symptom of a disorder such as schizophrenia) in that the idea of “hearing voices that encourage violence” is a stereotype of people with schizophrenia. As an actual symptom, is a very uncommon one. More common auditory hallucinations for people with schizophrenia or psychosis are, reportedly, whispers or unrelated conversation. One of my friends hears screaming.

But the issue is with the implication that c!Technoblade is “driven to violence” by the voices. Canonically, he has dealt with the “bloodlust” of chat by grinding withers. He’s perfectly capable of being peaceful, even with “voices pushing for violence”, and he’s perfectly capable of being violent without the “voices” influence. It’s the connotations and the history that fandom has in demonising and villainising c!Technoblade for even having the “voices” in the first place, and acting having them makes him inherently violent and unstable. There’s precedent for that already in society, and it’s not okay to perpetuate it.

[Edit: as of 22/05/2021, I do experience auditory hallucinations, and I can confirm that I am not any more violent, and the voices I hear don’t push me to violence. The clearest one just said ‘click’ in my ear.]

9. Jokes about brain damage and the use of “brainrot” as a term. I made a post about how common jokes about brain damage are here, and I would like to reiterate bits of it.

Jokes like these are really really normalized in modern society. I’m sure a lot of you didn’t even register it as wrong, and that isn’t a moral failing! It’s a norm in society, and that means the majority of people arent going to register it as something hurtful, because it’s said so often. But it does still hurt. The idea of using a disability as an insult is really harmful and it feels dehumanizing, like our disability makes us lesser, something that should be laughed at.

“Brainrot” as a term originated in Skyrim, as a disease that literally rotted your brain. However, as a term, it has very similar connotations to “brain damaged” and has been used in similarly joking and insulting ways. It’s something that feels really off to me and other neurodivergent people to see used by neurotypical people. It even sometimes feels uncomfortable when used by neurodivergent people, even if it’s used in positive ways. I know quite a few people who have removed it from their vocab completely because of the connotations, and I have personally done the same. Once again, I am just asking you to please consider your words before you use them.

10. Calling c!Wilbur during his Pogtopia Arc “Vilbur”. Yes, he was a villain. Yes, he hurt people. But c!Wilbur during the Pogtopia Arc only has one major difference from c!Wilbur during the L’Manburg Arc: a visible depiction of mental illness, specifically paranoia and psychosis. Treating him as a seperate person and calling that seperate person “Vilbur” comes across as extremely hurtful, and contributes to the villainisation of mentally ill people. His mental illness does not excuse him from hurting people, but calling c!Wilbur “Vilbur” upsets a lot of us, because wether or not it’s intended, it feels reductive, hurtful, and insulting.

If you got to the end of this post, thank you so much for reading. I hope that this helped you recognise things that you might not have known were ableist, and that you consider what I’ve said here. I also know that I haven’t addressed everything ableist that’s spread through the MCYT fandom community, so if you’re ND and have something you’d like to add, please feel free.

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