#also if we're being a little self-critical for a moment

[introspectivememories]

what's wrong with data analyst bernard?

summary: tim's a workaholic ceo. bernard is, to put it simply, a down-on-his-luck loser with a kid to take care of. somewhere along the line, they meet. (very loosely based on the 2018 hit kdrama, "what's wrong with secretary kim?")

A/N: for @chamiryokuroi bc this fanart has given me brainrot since the moment i saw it. but also bc, i missed writing and your art helped. i hope you like it. (more notes at the end.)

Today is a good day, Bernard thinks happily, brand new ID badge bouncing on his tie. It's his first day at Wayne Ent. and Mori had sent him off with a hug and muttered, "have a good day, Tou-san." It's been bouncing around in his head all day. Tou-san, Tou-san, Tou-san, he's really a dad now. He's got to make sure Mori has everything he needs and this new job is going to make sure he can do that.

Shaking his head once to clear it, he takes a sip of the complimentary coffee a team member bought him for his first day. His team leader, Young-joon Lee, is taking him on a tour of the building. Young-joon is a wonderful man in his late 30s but it's very clear that he's been consumed by the office lifestyle.

"...and here is our magnificent lobby!" Young-joon is saying as he tunes back in. His team leader spreads his arms wide out as he speaks, "Everyone knows the lobby but it's my personal philosophy that making friends or at least being on amicable terms with the ground floor staff will make your life easier."

Bernard laughs politely, "I know what you mean. I can't tell you how many times being nice to the host at the restaurant I used to work at saved my butt during rush hour."

"A man after my own heart!" Young-joon says, smiling widely as he leads him to the help desk.

Bernard tilts his head up to look at the skylight. It's a gorgeous thing with little animal motifs running alongside it. It lights up the lobby bringing a welcoming feeling into it. With the sunlight pouring into the room, along with the din of busy workers in slacks running to and fro, it really feels like stepping into a movie.

Are you seeing me Darls?, he thinks with a childlike glee, hand coming up to thumb at his badge again, I made it!

"This, my friend," Young-joon says, pulling up to the help-desk, "is our wonder-duo. Tamara and Abhishek. They practically run this building. Lord knows we'd be tripping all over ourselves without them."

Tamara and Abhishek smile as they get introduced.

"They run this building?" he asks confusedly.

"You see, young padawan," Abhishek says, "not only do we help the people that come in here asking questions or for instructions, we also answer any questions the staff has for us."

"Things like, 'What's HR’s number?' or 'Can you page Data for me?' or 'No seriously, I'm calling HR on this man right now. What is their number?'" Tamara says grinning.

Bernard laughs. It feels like that's all he's been doing since he got here. "You have to tell me the story on that one day."

"Sorry," Tamara says, faux-apologetic, "the minimum clearance on that story is half-a-year. Gotta level up."

His cheeks hurt from smiling. This is his and Mori's new beginning. This is where they level up. Nothing's gonna stop him now.

"Do you know the story behind that one?" he asks, turning to Young-joon.

"Of course! But where would be the fun in telling you? You have to stay the six months and if luck comes my way, longer."

"You want me for longer?"

"Of course, I saw the way you worked during those practice problems in the interview. I had to fight the other team leaders for you. It was brutal."

"Get back I say!" Young-joon says, miming a sword fight. A pleased warmth builds in his chest; they wanted him, they wanted him!

Darls you better be fucking watching this. I'm movin' up in the world.

"Ooh, send me that footage. I wanna see our newest recruits skills," Abhishek says.

"You got the data team fighting over you?" Tamara asks, eyebrows raised, "I wanna see it—"

Whatever she was going to say is cut off by the sound of both of their pagers pinging. Immediately going stock still, they start typing on their computers.

Bernard turns to Young-joon confused but his team leader looks like nothing is out of the ordinary.

"The boss is coming." Young-joon says, like that's a reasonable explanation for two people shutting down in the middle of the conversation, "It's always quite a spectacle and they always have to notify the other execs. Just watch."

Still, the boss? Maybe Bruce Wayne will say 'hi' to him and he'll charm the CEO and Mr. Wayne can figure out a way to—

No, no. He's done making those kinds of fantasies. Nobody is coming to help. Bernard is going to figure out his life on his own, he is going to take such good care of his kid, and he is not going to wait for some rich billionaire to swoop in and take care of him. He got this far didn't he? He'll get even farther.

He and his team leader lean against the help desk sipping coffee as they wait for the CEO to come in and sure enough, a black Rolls Royce pulls up to the driveway in the front. The minute the door opens, flashes from the paparazzi's cameras start going off. Out steps a bodyguard in a black suit with an umbrella opened. From below the umbrella he sees a nice pair of brown loafers step out. The CEO seems to be wearing a navy blue suit today. The paparazzi roars and the flashes increase.

"Oh wow," a man remarks a few feet away from him, "the circus is strong today, huh?" His friend laughs.

A woman wearing red heels steps out after the CEO, the paparazzi flashes decrease dramatically. More bodyguards exit after the woman and form a square around the CEO and his assistant/secretary. They shuffle towards the entrance where he sees the elderly doormen greet the executives with a smile. Whatever they say is lost to the sound of the city but the doormen laugh and push the doors open.

Young-joon's been making small talk throughout the entrance and Bernard tries to keep up but whatever the hell is going on at the entrance is way more interesting than anything his team leader is talking about. As they enter the guards spread out and dissolve the square. The woman comes into view first, red heels with a black slacks and a white button down. She's holding a long coat in one hand and a laptop bag slung over her shoulder. She's gorgeous and clearly the one in charge, going by the way she barks orders at the guards.

Young-joon says something and he turns around to respond, grabbing his coffee cup off the desk counter. His CEO's loafers tap across the lobby's marble floor, something about it is comforting. A lull in the room's conversations causes the CEO's voice to carry over.

"...Tam, make sure the quarterly reports are on my desk by at least 4 today and make sure to push back the sales meeting by 30 minutes to an hour, the board wants to talk — Oh Mr. Bardakcı! Thank you for stay—..."

Bernard's heart jackrabbits in his chest. He knows that voice but- it can't be. It's not possible; he chose Wayne Enterprises for a reason. He's not supposed to be here. He's supposed to be at his father's company. Unless... there was a merger? No, that seems like the kind of thing the news wouldn't've shut up about. He would've known.

When was the last time you had time to sit down and read the news, Bear? Darls says inside his head

She's right. With filing for custody of Mori and graduating from college and the job search, he hasn't had time for much else. It's entirely possible that he could've missed one of the biggest mergers of the decade.

Fuck, Fuck.

He wasn't supposed to be here. Bernard was supposed to be moving on. He was supposed to be building a life for himself away from the shadows of his childhood. He was supposed to be forgetting that Tim Drake ever existed.

He has to make sure though. Turning his body around, he prays that it's not the man he thinks it is. But sure enough, there stands Tim Drake, resplendent in a navy blue suit and a golden tie.

Golden ties for golden boys, he thinks absentmindedly.

The suit fits him perfectly, stretching across his shoulders and wrapping around his waist. Even the tie looks knotted perfectly. How long did it take him to learn, Bernard wonders. He could never get it right back in high school. Does his assistant Tam do it- no, no! This is why he didn't apply to Drake Industries. Bernard can't do anything around Tim and Tim is never going to care enough about him to stay.

Tim's head seems to be turning in his direction and Bernard whips his head back to make sure Tim doesn’t even catch a glimpse of him. His hand twitches violently enough that the coffee cup falls out of his hand and spills all over the floor. The cup rattles deafeningly on the floor. Bernard can't fucking breathe.

"-ernard? Bernard!" his team leader's voice cuts through the haze in his head. Young-joon looks concerned, "Are you okay?"

He blinks slowly, "...What?"

"I said, 'Are you okay?’ You look like you've seen a ghost?"

No, Bernard thinks, seeing Darls would be preferable to whatever level of hell I've found myself in.

"I'm—, I'm fine." he says rather unconvincingly. His eyes dart back to the spill, "What am I saying? There's a large puddle of coffee on the floor. I—, I should get some paper towels for that."

"Do you have any paper towels, Wonder-Duo?" he asks, trying desperately to ignore Tamara and Abhishek's concerned looks.

"I already called the custodial staff," Tamara says slowly, like she’s trying not to spook him, "but if it makes you feel any better," she pulls out a huge stack of paper towels, "go crazy, I guess."

Bernard takes a handful of paper towels and gets to work. The cleaning is meditative and with each swipe of the paper towel, the puddle gets smaller. Bernard pretends the puddle is his feelings for Tim. Swipe, forget about the 4pm milkshakes and his laughter when Darls snorted milk out of her nose. Swipe, don't think about the way he used to smell. Swipe, he left and never looked back; you don't look back either.

The tap, tap, tap of loafer on marble is getting closer to them for some reason. Why is it getting closer? Does it not have staff meetings, market research, and people to leave behind?

"What is going on here?" Tim asks.

"Nothing much, sir." Abhishek responds, "Newbie just spilled some coffee."

Abhishek, no!

"Oh is that all? And he took the initiative to start cleaning instead of waiting for the custodial staff. You made a good choice, Young-joon."

"Thank you, sir!" Young-joon says, "I was taking him on the tour when you came in. Most newbies love the show so I thought we'd stop here for a little bit."

Tim laughs. Bernard hates that his heart still skips a beat at the sound.

A pair of brown loafers and a wool-covered knee slowly appear in his vision. Why is Tim crouching in front of him? Why won't this man leave him alone?

"This looks like quite a lot of work, let me help."

You can help by leaving me the hell alone, he thinks uncharitably.

"I hope you found the facilities to your liking," Tim continues, like he hadn't heard Bernard's thoughts, "My name is Tim Drake-Wayne, CEO."

I know, he wants to say. I know you're Tim Drake. I know you like to skateboard and that you stared at Tony Hawk's photo for an hour every day in high school ‘cause didn't want to be one of those people who didn't recognize him. I know you struggled with your dad not really being there. I know you loved Mrs. Winters as much as you loved your mom. I know that you like history more than any other subject even though your best was always math.

Bernard says nothing instead.

Tim laughs awkwardly and Bernard knows he isn't helping the conversation along but whatever, he's allowed to be petty, right?

"I assure you, whatever you heard in the tabloids and the news, isn't true. I promise I won't bite…," Tim’s voice trails off as Bernard lifts his head.

"...Bernard?" Tim whispers, he looks like he's seen a ghost.

Bernard tries for a smile, he's pretty sure it comes out looking like a grimace.

"Sir," he says nodding curtly, hands still moving to sweep up the coffee puddle.

Tim's hand reaches out to touch his face, as if to make sure Bernard is really there. Bernard recoils as Tim's hand grazes his cheek. Tim's hand hangs in the air uselessly.

"Bernard?" Tim says again, as if to make sure his eyes aren't playing tricks on him.

"That's my name, Sir," he says through clenched teeth, "don't wear it out."

He can feel Young-joon and the Wonder-Duo's confused stare but he says nothing. What would he even say, really?

Hey, this is my old friend Tim Drake? Hey, I used to know him like the back of my hand? Hey, our best friend died and it feels like I'm the only one still grieving? Hey, in my junior year, five different gangs shot up my school and my best friend died in my arms and he left and I had to pick up the pieces by myself? Hey, I'm the idiot that's still in love with Tim Drake?

The clack of Tam's heels comes as a welcome distraction.

"Tim!" she says, grabbing his arm and pulling him away, "What the hell do you think you're doing? We have to go talk to the board. Build rapport with your employees later."

Tim stumbles to his feet, "Yes, but—, I—, This is—"

He sounds like he's glitching. Bastard. Is it really such a surprise to see Bernard in a well paying job? Even Tam is starting to look a little concerned now.

"Explain later," she commands, dragging Tim behind her. Bernard keeps his head down and continues wiping up the coffee puddle. Sneaking a glance upward shows him that Tim keeps turning back around to stare at him.

For a moment their eyes meet, brown against blue. 'Bernard?' he sees Tim mouth. Bastard, saying his name so many times. Doesn't he know what that does to Bernard? Why does Tim insist on breaking his heart again and again and again? Was once not enough?

He's tired of putting these walls up and just for a second, he lets them come down. Let Tim see the entirety of his brokenness. Tim already has his heart, he can have this too.

'Tim' he mouths back, smiling sadly. Tim looks stunned and the rage that had been simmering in his gut begins to boil over.

Do you see what I've become? Do you see how thoroughly Grieves ruined me? Is this not your doing too? Why did you leave? Have you ever visited Darla? Why was it so easy for you to not look back? Was I not your friend? Or was it just a time pass? Why wasn't I enough for you to stay?

He watches until the elevator doors close, separating him from Tim once again. His body sags like a marionette cut from its strings and his fingers clench uselessly around the coffee soaked paper towels. A hand lands on his shoulder and he flinches.

"Hey, hey," Young-joon soothes from where he's crouched right next to him. When did Young-joon crouch down? How much time has he missed? "It's just me, Bernard. Are you okay? What was that? Does our CEO know you?"

He exhales shakily. He needs to get out of here. He needs to sob hard enough he throws up. He needs the steady press of a knife on his back. He needs things he's not allowed to have anymore.

Bernard shoots up so fast the world spins around him. holding onto the desk for support, he tries to smile at his team leader. It stretches across his face misshapenly.

"I'm—, I'm sorry," he says stumbling over his words in a rush to get them out, "I have to—"

He has to what? Pretend to not see Darls out of the corner of his eye? Pretend like his hands don't have blood on them? Pretend like he isn't seeing bullet wounds every time he closes his eyes?

"—go to the bathroom," he finishes lamely. Gathering up all of the paper towels, he walks away dazedly, ignoring Young-joon's calls behind him. He shoves the towels in the nearest trashcan, letting his feet lead him to the nearest bathroom.

The bathroom is thankfully empty when he enters and he locks the door behind him. Sliding down the door, he exhales shakily. There's not enough air in this room; he can't breathe. The fluorescent lights hum above their coverings. The one on the left flickers. Who's bright idea was it to install school lights in a business office's bathroom?

The world outside the bathroom rushes on too loudly. Somebody is talking about their vacation. Someone is bemoaning their presentation today. His chest is getting tighter. His hands come up to tug on his hair. Why can't he breathe?

The exhales are coming quicker and quicker. Something comes tapping down the hallway. It's the gunmen, it has to be. A quick glance down tells him all he needs to know: he's covered in blood.

It's Lila's, he thinks dazedly, I had to carry her into the office. Or no, it's Olu's. I held him when he died. He said, he said, what did he say?

Why can't he remember? He hits his head with the heel of his palm.

Think he tells himself, we have to tell Olu's parents what he said. He said—, he said—.

His body sags.

Oh now he remembers. He said, "I don't wanna die Bernard."

A whimper tears itself out of his throat and he slaps a palm over his mouth. There's blood smeared across his face now, he must look like he walked out of a slasher film. He has to be quiet. if he's too loud, the gunmen will find them and then they'll all be dead.

Cry quietly, he tells himself, Darls doesn't need—

Darla! How could he forget about Darla with a hole in her gut? He needs to get to her. Lurching forward, he scrabbles across Mrs. Castillo's linoleum floor. He's smearing Olu's blood everywhere. Why won't Nikhil stop fucking crying so loudly? Goddamn freshmen and their hysterics. Where is Tim? Is he safe? He can't lose both friends today, please Lord, please.

BANG!

A violent flinch tears through his body. He sobs audibly this time, gagging on his spit. It's the gunmen, it has to be. He hasn't even held Darls' hand or counted Tim's moles for the last time. Where are the Darls? She shouldn't be alone. She doesn't like violence like this.

"Why didn't you save me, Bear?" a voice asks from behind him.

He freezes. Slowly he turns around and nearly yells in shock. Falling back on his butt, he stares up at his friend.

(He has to be quiet, he has to be quiet, he has to be quiet-)

Darls is standing behind him still in her crop top and cargo pants. Her once smooth midsection, bloodied and warped. The bullet wound still drips blood.

Plink, plink, plink.

Bernard hates the scent of iron.

"Why didn't you save me, Bear?" she asks, her voice echoing, "I thought we were friends."

There’s blood dripping down the side of her mouth. Now he remembers, the blood on him isn’t Olu’s or Lila’s — although there is that too — it’s almost overwhelmingly Darla’s. He’s covered in it. Elbows deep in it. It streaks up his arms like a macabre tattoo. He wore a white shirt to school today. The stains will never come out. He is Carrie at the end of prom, mortified and humiliated.

He crawls backwards until his back hits the wall, the impact knocking him out of the worst of that night. He's back in the bathroom. The lights hum loudly overhead. Darla hasn’t left yet.

She tilts her head, “Why didn’t you help me, Bear? I thought we were friends.”

“We are,” he rasps out, “we are friends.”

“Are we?” her eyes have no pupils. His Darls had eyes that shone in the sunlight. His Darls is dead. “Then why am I still bleeding? Why am I still hurting? Why is there a bullet in my stomach, Bear?!”

She’s shouting by the end and he flinches. His hands can’t seem to stop tugging at his hair. The blood must’ve smeared all over it. Talk about taking strawberry blond literally.

“I swear I did everything I could Darls,” he sobs out quietly, voice cracking, “I followed all of Mrs. Castillo’s instructions as best I could. I put pressure and tied the dressing as tight as I could.”

“You thought that was enough?” she snarls, hands coming down to grip the wound. It twists grotesquely; he gags, “You think any of that matters when I’m dead and you’re still alive?”

“Please, please. You know I wouldn’t leave you to die, Darls. Please, please, please believe me.”

“Liar, liar!” she screams, blood dripping out of her mouth onto her pink LOVE shirt. It darkens as each drop hits it. Soon it’ll be completely drenched and she’ll be drowning in it. Where did his smiling friend go? “I’m dead, Bear! I’m dead, dead, dead and it’s all your fault! Why didn’t you save me?! Why didn’t you save me?!”

He keens, body curling in on itself. One hand goes down to press on his throat; he’s making too much noise. Nikhil’s just a freshman. He shouldn’t have to die just because Bernard couldn’t shut up for once in his life.

“Please,” he whispers raggedly, “I tried, I tried. I swear I tried, Darls.”

“It hurts, Bear,” she sobs. Darla’s too young to be sounding so wrecked, “It hurts so much. Please help me.”

All of sudden, it’s too much. The taste of iron sits heavy on his tongue and Darla won’t stop sobbing. His fingers fumble for his phone and he presses one. It rings once, twice and finally on the third ring does a voice answer.

“Bear?” the other side says groggily.

“Ty please, I can't do this anymore,“ he sobs.

Tyrone suddenly sounds a lot more alert, “Bear what’s going on?”

“Darla won’t stop crying and she keeps on screaming that it’s my fault she died.” he wails, “I know I should’ve done more but please, can you tell her I tried? That I stayed with her until the end? She won’t listen to me, Ty. She won’t listen to me.”

There’s a muffled yell of ‘Babe!” on the other end. “Yeah,” Ty breathes out, “I’ll tell her.”

“You put me on speaker, okay?” Ty instructs, “And you gotta tell me if she’s nodding or if she’s gone or if she said anything, alright? I can’t see her.”

“Okay,” he whispers, pulling the phone away from his ear to press the speaker button.

“You tell me when to start, Bear,” he says, voice filling the bathroom. Darla looks up from where she’s sobbing.

“You can start now Ty,” he rasps out, holding the phone out.

“Hey Darla,” Ty says, “Bear told me you said a lotta mean things about him. Stuff like, ‘he’s the reason you died’ and that ‘he never cared’. Darla, you gotta believe me when I say Bear never stopped caring. He held your hand the whole way through. Told you stories about all the things you two were gonna do once you got out of that nurse’s office. He tried, Darla, honest. I’ve never seen him as focused as when you stopped breathing and Mrs. Castillo had him give you CPR. He couldn’t stop sobbing the whole time.”

“But I’m still dead,” she says.

“But I’m still dead,” he repeats.

Ty inhales sharply, “Yeah,” he says thickly, “you are. And I’ll never stop being sorry about that. But you can’t take that out on Bear. He’s just trying to live his life.”

Darls’ face twists up like a childs, “But it hurts,” she cries.

“But—, but it hurts,” he repeats, voice hitching.

Ty curses, “Oh, fuck. I can’t do this. Babe, can you—?”

“Yeah, of course.” 

“Hey, Darla. It’s me, Jimmy from the football team. I don’t know if you remember me but I remember you. After high school, me and Tyrone ended up getting married. Somewhere between shitty weed brownies and bad college parties, we fell in love. Isn’t that nice?”

Darls nods; he tells them as such.

“We visited you after the ceremony. I hope you felt that wherever you are these days. But the point I’m trying to make is that from all I’ve told you just now, you can probably figure out that Ty and I didn’t go pro like we planned. The shooting fucked up Ty’s knee and and my arm. After the hospital stays, playing football for a whole bunch of people just didn’t sound appealing anymore. We’re high school teachers now. Ty teaches math and I teach gym. When it rains or gets cold, my arm and Ty’s knee hurts like hell. But Darla, it doesn't hurt forever. It gets better, I promise.”

“Darla,” Jimmy says, voice unusually serious, “you’re right, you are dead and it does hurt. I’m sorry, I’ll never stop being sorry. I don’t know if it’ll ever go away for you; I’m not too much of an expert on the supernatural. Ty’s the smart one, after all. But I love you, Ty loves you, Bear loves you. I hope that when it hurts the most you can use that as a balm.”

“Auntie Bea loves you too!” Ty’s mom hollers from the background, “Aunt Betty, too!”

Ty laughs wetly and Jimmy snorts, “Does that sound okay?” they ask.

Darls smiles, her teeth stained red from all the blood that built up in her mouth. Bernard misses her with an ache he feels in his bones. Darls nods.

“She nodded,” he says quietly. He blinks once and she’s gone. Where did she go? Doesn’t she know that the gunmen are still at large? She needs to be somewhere safe. He can’t lose a friend today.

“Bear, Bear, you gotta breathe. Take a deep breath for me, c’mon,” Jimmy says.

“She’s gone, Jim. She’s gone again. Why does she keep leaving?” he says, crying. His body can’t stop trembling. How long has he been here? How much time has he missed?

“I miss the cult,” he whispers, “I never had things like this happen when I was with them.”

“Yeah,” Ty snaps, “‘Cause you were high off of like 50 different pain meds ‘cause you let them whip you.”

“Ty, not helping.”

“Move over, let me talk to him."

"Hey, sweetheart," Auntie Bea's voice crackles through his tiny speaker, "I know you're tired and I know you're hurting. I know you miss the cult but you gotta breathe for me, okay? You're gonna pass out otherwise."

"I can't, I can't," he gasps out. 

"Sure you can, you just gotta tell me five things you can see. Can you list those five things for me?"

Bernard desperately tries to get his breathing under control, "The sink is dirty."

"Good, good. Anything else?" 

"The tiles need to be re-grouted."

Aunt Betty barks out a laugh. Bernard's lips twitch upward.

"Keep going."

"My pants, my white shirt, my ID badge," he rattles off.

They talk him through the rest of the grounding techniques and by the time he feels like he's in control again, he's exhausted. His eyes hurt and his throat is dry. 

"Can you tell us why you spiraled so hard, Bear? This hasn't happened in a long time," Jimmy asks.

"I spoke to Tim again," he says simply. He pushes himself up onto his feet and walks over to the sink. Setting the phone down on the counter, he grips the sink with both hands and just breathes. The Bernard in the mirror looks like he just came out of a warzone, eyes haunted, hair messed up. 

"Oh fuck," Ty says, "Where did you even meet him?"

"At my new job at Wayne Ent."

"Why would you apply there?" Jimmy asks, stressed.

"I didn't know! It's not like I've had a lotta time in the past few years to check the news!"

"Well, whatever, what’s done is done." Ty says, ever practical, "Are you going to quit?"

"No!” he says vehemently.

“No,” he repeats quieter, “Wayne has the best benefits and Mori needs that. I’ll just suck it up and try to avoid him.”

“Don’t be fucking stupid,” Aunt Betty says.

“Ma!”

“Oh be quiet Jimmy. I’ve never heard of a more stupider thing. He’s your CEO, Bear, and he knows you work there. He’s obviously going to want ‘to catch up’ or whatever. There is no avoiding him. Can you handle that?”

What can he say? Aunt Betty is right. He can’t handle talking to Tim. Even seeing Tim felt like touching a live wire. He can’t deal with another episode. Mori doesn’t need him to be fucked up, Mori needs him to be the stable adult he promised the courts he was. 

“You can’t, sweetheart,” she says softly, “you can’t handle it.”

There’s some shuffling on the other end of the phone. 

“Bear,” Ty says gently, “I love you, man. You’re my brother. Jimmy loves you, Mama loves you, Aunt Betty loves you. But you gotta start thinking about therapy.”

“I know, I know,” he sighs, “I shouldn’t’ve dragged you into this. I’m—”

Ty cuts him off with an exasperated huff, “It’s not about that Bear. I’ll keep talking to your hallucinations for as long as you need me too. Even when we’re seventy, I’ll do it for you. I don’t care about that. I care about you and I want you to be happy and healthy. I don’t want you to keep seeing Darla. I don’t want you to keep trying to scrub the blood off your hands. 

“And I know you’ve been avoiding therapy ‘cause you don’t got the money and ‘cause talking about your problems is scary but it’s not just you anymore. You got Mori now. That custody claim is going through. You can’t just avoid things ‘cause they’re hard now. You work at Wayne now; that paycheck is more than enough to set a few dollars aside each month to save up for therapy. Hell, mental health probably comes with your medical benefits. Please, Bear. If you can’t get help for you, then do it for us, for Mori. Please stop making us watch you hurt.”

Bernard exhales shakily.

“I never wanna find you the way we did after the cult, Bear. I never wanna see you in the hospital bed like that again. Please don’t do that to us, please,” Ty whispers.

Unconsciously, his hand comes up to rub at the scar left behind from the sacrifice. It stretches along the length of his sternum, jagged and rough. On good days, he can pretend that it’s a scar from a heart surgery. He doesn’t have that many good days.

Bernard presses the heel of his palms into his eyes before using his hands to scrub at his face. He’s always so tired these days.

“Okay,” he says simply, “okay.”

“Okay?” Ty asks hopefully.

“Okay, you’re right. It’s not just me anymore. Mori deserves the best and I’m gonna give it to him. And I love Tim, I think I’ll always love Tim but he clearly doesn’t give a shit about me. So I gotta make my peace with it or I’ll go crazy.”

Ty whoops, “Thank you, thank you, thank you!” he chants.

“Bear, it’s still the middle of the workday,” Jimmy says, although he too, sounds happy. Auntie Bea and Betty are muttering about a feast, he thinks. “Don’t you have to get back to work?”

“Yeah, that’s if I’m not fired already,” he mutters.

“Hey!” Jimmy admonishes, “Optimism only, no pessimism.”

“Alright, alright. I gotta get back to work now. Thanks guys.”

“Of course, we’ll let you go now. Ma wants me to tell you that we’re having dinner at your place today.”

“Aunt Betty,” he whines, “I haven’t cleaned and you and Auntie Bea are just looking for a reason to spoil Mori.”

“Absolutely,” they say, unashamed, “he’s our only grandson. We have to spoil him.”

“Fine,” he sighs but he’s smiling. Fuck, he loves these people. God knows he wouldn’t have survived the past six years without them.

“Bye Bear,” they say before he hangs up, “Good luck on your first day!”

He cuts the phone and slides it back into his pocket. Turning on the tap, he splashes some cold water onto his face. Using his wet hands, he tries to rearrange his mussed up hair into something acceptable for an office job.

Time to face the music Darls, he tells her smiling face in the mirror. She gives him a thumbs up in return.

The walk back to his office feels like a death sentence. He’s fucked this up, he knows it. Freaking out over a small interaction with his CEO and then running away only to come back two hours later? It’s over, done for. Bernard takes comfort in the fact that at least the severance package will be nice.

Stepping into the office, immediately draws the eyes of his team members. Every step towards his team leader’s office feels nerve-wracking. Just before he enters, Esperanza, the team’s second in command, stops him.

“Whatever happened,” she says, “just explain it to him. Young-joon’s a reasonable man, he’s not gonna yell at you.”

Some of the tension leaves him and he nods. Knocking on the door, he enters. His team leader looks up and smiles.

“Ah, Bernard! Why don’t you take a seat for me?”

He crosses his wrists behind his back, “I’d rather stand, sir.”

His team leader looks confused, “‘Sir’? Just call me Young-joon like I told you.”

“Anyway, after you left, I took the liberty of going through your file to see if there was anything I missed. I hope that wasn’t overstepping my boundaries.”

“No s-, Young-joon. You’re fine.”

Young-joon sighs and pushes the file he was reading before Bernard came in forward. It’s his file. 

“I’m going to say some statements,” he says, “and I want you to confirm whether it’s true or not. If any of these questions make you uncomfortable, just tell me okay? I’ll drop it immediately.”

Bernard nods.

“You went to Louis E. Grieves Memorial High School.”

“Yes.”

“Based on the dates you put in your file, you were there for the shooting.”

“...Yes. Junior year.”

“You know our CEO.”

“Yes,” he breathes out.

“How?”

He used to fall asleep on my shoulder during lunch and I would listen to him breathe. He’s got moles all over his face. Darls once connected them with a sharpie. His step-mom was so hot, I thought I’d spontaneously combust every time she smiled. HIs dad didn’t really like me and flirting with his wife didn’t help my case. The Drake condo had a crocheted flower blanket on the sofa that his mom had made during her pregnancy. He liked to skateboard but couldn’t roller-blade to save his life. I have all this love and nowhere to put it.

“It’s a little private,” he says instead.

“I’m only asking because we work quite closely with him. We see him often and if that makes you uncomfortable, then I can have you transferred to another team.”

His shoulders sag, “We went to Grieves together for one year. Our mutual friend died. It’s a little hard to look at him.”

“Jesus Christ.” Young-joon says, “Okay well the offer is still on the table, Bernard. Do you want to be transferred?”

“No, I like your team. I’d like to stay,” he says, firmly.

“Are you sure?” Youn-joon asks, eyebrows raised.

“Yes.”

“Okay then,” and it’s like a switch had flipped. Gone is his serious team leader and in its place is the man he met this morning.

“If you plan on staying,” he says smiling, “then my primary recommendation is that you use the medical benefits the company gives you to find a therapist. If you need help, the infirmary here will walk you through it.” 

Oh thank god it comes included with his medical, Ty will be overjoyed to hear that. But first, he has to ask Young-joon why he’s doing all this. Bernard knows his experience with authority figures is a little skewed towards the shitty side of the spectrum but even so, people usually aren’t so kind in his experience.

“Why are you doing this? Why didn’t you fire me? Why are you helping me?”

Young-joon chuckles, “Do you want to be fired?”

“No! But still, why are you helping me?”

Young-joon sighs and stands up. Walking around his desk, he stops right in front of Bernard. Young-joon puts a hand on his shoulder.

“This city takes a lot out of its people, believe me I know. And you were so young, when Gotham took her piece of you. It wasn’t fair of you to go through that. Just like it wasn’t fair to me and my wife when we got kidnapped as children. These kinds of things don’t go away. I still get worked up over zip-ties. My wife still has nightmares. All you can do is learn to live with it.

“You seem like a good kid with a good head on your shoulders. I’d hate to see all that potential go to waste ‘cause you kept getting trapped in your mind. I had a lot of help to get to where and who I am today. Consider this, me paying it forward. One day, I hope you can pay it forward too.”

His eyes feel suspiciously wet. “Thank you,” he chokes out, “thank you.”

Young-joon laughs, “There’s no need for the waterworks, Bernard. Now, pack up your things and go home. You’re in no state to analyze data today but I expect you here at 9AM sharp tomorrow, alright?”

Bernard mock salutes, “Yes, sir.”

“Goodbye, Bernard.”

Right before he exits, he turns around and calls out his team leader’s name.

“Young-joon,” Young-joon looks up confused, “you can call me Bear, by the way.”

A wide grin stretches across his team leader’s face, “Okay then. Goodbye Bear, see you tomorrow.”

Walking out of the office, it feels like a burden has been lifted off his shoulders. Esperanza takes one look at him and snorts.

“You just got Young-joon-ed, huh?”

His jaw drops, “He does that often enough you guys have a name for it?”

The other team members laugh, “Welcome to Data Analysis Team 1, kiddo. We look forward to working with you from now on.”

Smiling, he gathers his things and leaves after a few goodbyes. Once outside the building, the smile drops. It’s an hour-and-a-half bus ride from Wayne Tower to his house. The bus stop sits right in front of the tower too. Some new initiative by the mayor to promote the city moving towards green energy. Hey look, even rich people take the bus! What a fucking joke.

The tower warps the sunlight around it and he stares up at the top floor. Is Tim watching? Can Tim see him from up there? Does he care or was it just the shock of seeing someone he once knew this morning? Has Tim ever thought about him, about them? Or were they just moments in his life? Perpendicular lines, intersecting once and then never again.

I miss you, he thinks staring at the top floor, I miss you more than anything but I’ll walk into oncoming traffic before I ever reach for you again.

The bus pulls up next to him and he snags a seat in the back. Dropping his head onto the seat in front of him, he stares out the window. Darls smiles back at him in the window reflection, perpetually sixteen. He’s twenty-two now.

Fuckin’ hell Darls, he thinks wearily, we’re really in it now.

Darls places her hand against the glass, he leans his shoulder onto it. If he closes his eyes, he can almost feel her warmth.

We’ll make it through, she says.

The bus rumbles forward and he lets the cracked streets of Gotham lull him to sleep. He’ll make it through.

A/N: chami! i hope you like it!!! i've never gifted a fic before, i don't really know how this works. and to everyone who read it, i hope you liked it too! please leave your thoughts in the reblogs or replies!!! i miss the days when td:r was coming out and we were all collectively freaking out. anyway when i said loosely based, i really did mean loosely. props to you guys if you can figure out the direct references to the drama. but this is a one-shot. i'm not gonna be writing anything else for this 'verse? au? (god i'm always so worried im using em dashes wrong)

if you have questions or you're confused by something i wrote, feel free to ask questions or send an ask or message. oh, and i know some people like know the exact wordcount. so, it's exactly 6,785 words long. nice number right?

also, please note that if you want to make art or a podfic or hell, even fanfiction of this, feel free to do so! i hope that's not too presumptuous or anything. idk i see fanfic writers make this disclaimer all the time, so i thought i'd do it to.

thank you for reading!

#god i'm exhausted #writing the latter end of a fic always feels like finishing a marathon #no more fics for like the next 6 months (<- me when i lie) #anyway big fan of the bear hallucinates darla club! #currently there's only one member (me) but you can change that #also favorite trope ever is when you see a regular dude and you're like 'what a nice normal dude' and then you talk to him for like #5 minutes and you're like '/oh./ this dude has something wrong with him' #also the tyrone/jimmy pairing? do you see my vision? #also big fan of the the shooting was worse than what you see in rr club! #it's just there was a city-wide gang war and all the gangs came to grieves to kill darla and you're telling me only she died??? #i think way more people died. i think too many people died actually. i think the school had to do remote learning for all of tyrone's sr yr #cause the renovations were too much. #also just to clarify #the is hallucination!darla and there is the darls he sees all the time. no they are not the same to him. yes he is mentally ill. #also yes!! superheroes do exist in this world!!! i just didn't mention them. #also if we're being a little self-critical for a moment #(don't look at this part) i feel like i could've ended this at a way earlier point in the story but i had such a strong vision of what the #fic was supposed to be like that i just wrote everything #anyway lets start tagging #bernard dowd #tim drake #timbern #timber #dc #red robin tyrone #red robin jimmy

[balkanradfem]

I've noticed a woman on the street today; she had pants that made her backside very noticeable. I made myself look away, and wondered to myself, am I allowed to stare after her? Am I being creepy right now? Should I mind my own business and not let my gaze wonder? Would she feel uncomfortable knowing I'm looking at her, regardless of what I'm thinking? (I thought she looked very nice).

And it reminded me to how when a woman on tumblr posts a very gaze-catching photo, all of us ssa ladies comment on it 'I am looking respectfully' and we mean it. We're saying, we like the picture, and we respect you, and we also cannot tear our gaze apart because you are incredibly attractive on that pic.

And isn't that a lovely way to respond? We never for a moment forget to consider that she is human, and to write in a way that wouldn't make another human being feel threatened and uncomfortable.

Think what a stark contrast that is to male reactions to female pictures! Males will throw in numbers on an imagined scale, jokes on how they would destroy or violate her, isolating and criticizing parts of her, enacting fantasies of possessiveness and unwanted sexual advances, condemning her personality, and then go the whole way to jealousy over who has ownership of her, anger that she dared to post it, indignation over her existing, threats, sexual threats, and in the end they will throw slurs if she exists and isn't offered as a service to them.

It's disturbing, the first thing they do is forget that she is a human being, they see an object without thoughts, or ability of having an emotional reaction to what is being said. Or, maybe they don't forget it, and it's that emotional reaction of fear, discomfort, pain and demotion of her self-esteem is what they are really after.

My point is, I love the culture of women being respectful to other women. I feel comfortable here, knowing nobody will ever forget that another woman is human, no matter how much or little clothing she is wearing, regardless of attraction we feel, regardless of what she is showing to us. We don't want to do anything to damage her self-esteem, her courage or her own self-perception, we don't want her to feel threatened or uncomfortable. That means women can do whatever they want without having to fear disastrous consequences. As they should!

And I think it's good too, that my first thoughts are if I'm making someone uncomfortable. It's good to be aware that other human beings are not here to be gawked at, regardless of what they're wearing.

#radical feminism #ssa #wlw #lesbian #radfem #different standards #female attraction #women posting pictures online

[danwhobrowses]

So a thing happened on Critical Role this week (campaign 3 ep 91), we're gonna talk about it - a long talk - so if you haven't been caught up and don't wanna be spoiled don't keep reading okay?

One of the disadvantages of being in a different time zone is that after fretting all morning, going to work, thinking 'it's 7am maybe it's done now' I had to sit in my office for a stressful final half hour murmuring don't do this don't fucking do this don't you dare fucking do this!

I already was worried for everyone given the cliffhanger last episode, and the 5 hour length made me further worried as players kept being knocked down by Otohan Thull - already frightening in base form but now with an even higher AC and empowered. Then Sam Riegel had to do what he does best, a devastating sacrifice where FCG blows himself up to take down Otohan - Ludinus' No. 2, harrowed for being proficient in slaughter, defeated by no assassin or warrior but a cleric saving their friends. We've been well past 'get off the moon' hours with this one, but now there is an impact on every one of the Hells to think about, which is what this will be about.

FCG Though he is dead there is still stuff to talk about with FCG's death. A common debate right now is the potential of the Reincarnate spell; while the wording of the death implies that FCG's current body is irreparable there is a chance that a 5th Level Druid Spell can fashion him a new body, one of flesh, bone and tongue. The body itself needs to be dead for less than 10 days so there is wiggle room to gain the necessary components too if the top brass of Exandria turn it into a fetch quest. There is argument on both sides though; if FCG comes back does it undermine his sacrifice? Perhaps, but there's no incentive for the Hells to not try. Reincarnation hasn't quite happened in Critical Role yet - Since Molly/Lucien/Kingsley was kinda different, he kinda had the opposite, different mind same body - so it'd be a refreshing new option and also a way to redesign FCG without having to create a whole new cleric (because they definitely need a cleric) with a whole new skillset that the Hells will need to warm towards before the final battle. But at the same time, the soul has to be willing. FCG was content with his sacrifice, and in the arms of the Changebringer would he go back? I'd like to hope so if it's an option, it'd also entertain a whole new character arc for him as a 'real boy' - plus Matt and Sam don't have to fully abide to the D100 rule of what race he turns into. Of course, I like this angle more than needing a new character, because I like happy endings and it makes narrative sense that the Hells would claw and bite to pull him from that sweet goodnight. It would also validate a reason for the Hells to align with the gods, because if divine favour comes into play and the Gods decide against helping Bell's Hells' greatest advocate for saving them then they are foolishly and callously forsaking key players to their survival, FCG reincarnating with the help of the Gods would play a big part in the Hells standing with them rather than losing faith in them, and even with friction between the Titans & Temults and the Gods from the past they would have a common enemy. Still living or dying can have varying effects on the other characters.

Ashton From the moment Ashton met FCG they wanted to make sure this little bot would be okay, that they'd learn to value their life and be able to thrive. While part of that did happen, Ashton is likely going to feel like nothing's changed since Bassuras; knocked out by Otohan and when awakened a friend is dead, another person they couldn't protect.

Before the shard, I think Ashton would very easily fly off the handle, in their anger they'd blame everything including themselves and maybe even consider leaving themselves, it probably have made them more self-destructive too. Now though I'm not so sure, nobody would hold it against them to waver a little on their promise to take care of themselves in a burst of grief, this was after all their best friend someone they looked after like a little brother, and while I can see Ashton quietly and angrily grieving I can also see Ashton double down on trying to keep their promise, making sure that FCG didn't go out like a martyr and that it won't be in vain. FCG reincarnating would assist in Ashton's character drive too, since I feel like they would detest any replacement cleric because it's not FCG, they may also be less abrasive towards the gods if they came through for them and proved that they care - at least to the Changebringer, think they'd still throw copper at the Dawnfather given the whole Angel incident.

Imogen As the nominated leader of Bell's Hells, many will probably look to Imogen Temult for action, the problem is she has her own mother issues to deal with too - and I'm not entirely sold that Liliana has fully made a turn just yet, only that she won't hand over the Hells to Ludinus. FCG's death is gonna produce a lot of guilt from Imogen though, she was detesting the fact that she had to play dead at 1HP while Otohan cut down her friends again, she will likely blame her inaction which in turn may push her to be more aggressive in combat.

At the same time, I can see her being one of the more gung ho characters to push towards the Reincarnate option, perhaps even going as far as to accost or lambast anyone regardless of alliances or rank who she feels isn't as committed. Imogen has been in the position of loss before, and knowing that FCG had a connection with FRIDA she would likely compel herself to fix it rather than have to deliver the bad news. Regardless of whether he reincarnates though I feel like Imogen may look towards some more defensive spells, and maybe through Liliana try to tap into the powers of an Exalted to try and match the power she saw from Otohan, a risky endeavour for sure but FCG took an even greater risk for them.

Orym Orym is probably the toughest of the Hells to read when it comes to FCG's death. There will of course be a deep sadness at the loss of a friend, but I would also sense a...not bitterness but discontent that this is how it went down. Otohan killed his family, he kept fighting her until he could no longer stand because that's what they would've done, and now she's dead but it doesn't make it better, he wasn't the one to do it, he didn't even see it, and the one who did is gone with her. When Bor'dor was killed, Orym coldly reminded himself that 'we're at war', but I don't think he can justify that way with FCG, the loss was greater than the catharsis.

The death also has to turn attention to his deal with Nanna Mori. Many have pointed out that there is a lot of technicalities that may prolong, void or complete the deal; it was never specified how many times the Hells could return from the moon to continue the deal, but at the same time they did technically return from the moon to Exandria safe and sound via the Secret Backdoor. Still, Mori is his best friend's grandmother, there could be leeway on that matter too and even if he does have to commit to the deal (which I call 'Fatekeeper Orym') it's never been explicitly said that Orym needs to constantly attend to Mori in the Feywild, only that he has to be her caretaker and answer her beck and call. However, FCG's death will likely provide a sobering thought that his deal with Mori was perhaps voided, unless there is one more thread he can have her pull. When it comes to seeking options to bring a friend back, I would keep a close eye on Orym - it's not the first time Liam's resolved himself to be damned before.

Fearne Fearne will likely be a linchpin if the Hells seek out Reincarnate. The spell is exclusive to Druids and if Keyleth isn't on hand to do it the task and pressure will fall to her. It'll be interesting how she reacts, I don't wanna say she'll be the most positive of it because she'll certainly be upset, but I can see her being optimistic even if it's to also convince herself, the one who is most encouraging to find a way. As a shipper I of course want her to be the one who comforts and gets through to Ashton while they grieve but if she also is key to his reincarnation that also adds to their slow-burn. Outside of that, FCG's death may also lead into learning about Mori's deal with Orym, which will probably anger her that Orym kept it from her, there is also the fact that having FCG's life in her hands may bring back bad memories of Bassuras and Whitestone. One must also especially worry about her Asmodeus calling card, the Prince of Lies does nothing for free and I still feel like Klask was planted in her path by Asmodeus' (and maybe even Athion's) titan-seeking design.

If FCG does reincarnate though, I could see her friendship with FCG being even greater than it was, since they'll both feel a greater zeal for life - it may also make her feel further distant from her Evil vision, since she will have saved half her friends rather than risked killing them. If not though, Fearne may have to play mediator for the new cleric and may also be pushed towards freeing up more slots for healing to provide more support for the Hells in future battles.

Chetney It's gonna be an interesting one for Chetney too, from one perspective you could see him thinking that FCG traded their life for his; he died, he made peace with that, but then the one who revived him died. Chetney's more personal mindset has often been cloaked in secrecy, perhaps as one of the least open of the Hells despite many claiming him as the Heart of the group, so I wonder if Chetney may harbour some Survivor's Guilt for what happened.

I can see Chetney being the one to keep his emotions close to his chest, even if FCG were to reincarnate he would perhaps try to shrug off that he always knew it'd happen anyway. That being said someone who remains stoic and unwavering may prove a positive or a negative to the group, depending on the person or their interpretation of it. If a new cleric comes along though I could see him being additionally protective of them, having been the new guy before.

Laudna We should all be worried for Laudna right now. The recent 4SD already revealed that Laudna's 'close to the brink' and I'm pretty sure this is the brink. The aftermath of the Otohan fight will likely push each of the Hells to get stronger, since had they hit harder or been able to take stronger blows it wouldn't have come to this, but that will mean bad things when it comes to Laudna, as she may seek to gain power the only way she thinks she can - through Delilah. After all her last two levels went to Sorcery and did little in the fight, whereas her Warlock class Eldritch Blasts hurt Otohan fairly decently, such a thing can linger in the mind for Delilah to manipulate.

It'll be telling if they do try to Reincarnate him whether the damage will have been done already to Laudna, and that the joy of bringing him back turns to tragedy of Laudna losing herself further, as it often does it will fall to how she leans on Imogen, and how open about it she'll be to her. If FCG is lost however, we may have to keep a very close eye on Laudna being next.

Bell's Hells As I mentioned with Laudna, FCG's death will have made something apparent and clear; despite everything Bell's Hells need to get stronger. Even at Lv13, even with Exalted powers, Fey bargains and Titan shards they still just barely escaped a TPK, and granted they were weakened and worn out but no fight is guaranteed to ever be fought at 100%. Otohan may've been the toughest General of the Vanguard but the other Generals - the Weavemind, Zathuda and the Dominon of Cruft Commander - are still not ones to take lightly, Ludinus is still not one to take lightly, and if Liliana is going to be used by him to become a vessel for Predathos, that cannot be taken lightly. Bell's Hells may need to look towards enhancing their stats as well as their equipment, the harness is still a factor too which can boost them all with enough enchanted items at their disposal. An interesting one would be if Otohan's backpack ends up in one of the Hells' hands; many beforehand have talked about Orym being an Echo Knight but I would personally like to see Ashton take it, since it is powered by the Potion of Possibility like their own Dunamancy powers, it's possible (eheh) that they may align in some manner and could you imagine Ashton + 3 Echoes all raging to get All 4 Dunamancies? Otohan's swords may also provide unique properties for Chetney and/or Orym to use. Reincarnation or not I feel like that may be the Hells' next plan once it's discussed whether to attempt Reincarnation and they're off of Ruidus, gathering allies will likely also be something to prepare for for the final battle given how Otohan stated that they have 'enough Ruidusborns' for their plan. As a group it is difficult to tell if this will strengthen or weaken them, it could strengthen them in a 'never again' way like the Nein, but they were also very enthusiastic about bringing Molly back - it drove them through several arcs - FCG however often was the Hells' beacon of hope and the self-imposed attempted therapist, without that the Hells will either have to put it upon themselves to go the extra lengths or they'll close further in on themselves. If FCG does reincarnate I feel like it would definitely strengthen them mentally but if not I am not so sure.

It shouldn't come to a surprise that I will hold onto the Reincarnate potential so that the Hells can get back their friend, but rest assured I'm worried for all of them right now, there are crossroads ahead.

#critical role #critical role spoilers #cr3 spoilers #cr3 #cr3e91 #cr spoilers #bells hells #bell's hells #ashton greymoore #fearne calloway #orym of the air ashari #chetney pock o'pea #imogen temult #laudna #fresh cut grass #fcg #sam riegel #matt mercer #taliesin jaffe #ashley johnson #laura bailey #liam o'brien #marisha ray #travis willingham #needed to get it out of my head so you get two posts! #we all had a cry now Matt can we have a little reprieve where we're not losing our minds over the safety and relationships of the group? #we're not meant to stress this many years off our lives we already work too many years for low pay #Matt you can't let him die believing Exandria was flat c'mon!

[emblazons]

I said I was gonna so a whole long post about the monologue after my rewatch so: having watched the whole Vecna monologue v Mike monologue that happens in the Piggyback in full for the first time in actual months…god damn. Just.

There is no way to understand what’s happening with El (and her relationship with Mike) during the monologue without looking at Vecna's monologue that comes right before it. There just isn’t, and if you try you’re 100% going to miss critical context for why things happen the way they do both in mlvn’s relationship and on screen.

First off: after what Vecna says to her, El is fully in self-defeat (and self-loathing) mode. She’d just learned that every single attempt of hers to do "right" with the knowledge she had at the time had actually been useful to the person destroying her world—

—and despite trying so hard to overcome her sense of destructiveness about things like scaring Mike and hitting Angela by going to “learn who she is” at Nina, it turned out that even the moments she perceived as her “heroic” ones (like closing the gate and stopping the mindflayer monster in S3) were actually tools useful to Vecna…just like her Piggybacking in to save Max.

El is literally hearing that even her best attempts at being “good” were used for evil, which makes her an accomplice to Vecna even if she didn’t mean to be—

—which we're shown, as El remembers all the moments she thought she was "helping" only to be told each one of those was her having her powers used by Henry/Vecna.

If that wasn't enough, we literally watched as El paralleled herself directly to the person whose powers are now being used to destroy the world, even as we (the audience) know most of what is happening is just Vecna do what he does best by tapping into her deepest core fears.

Vecna adds insult to injury here by making it clear that he once "wanted her by his side" in the first place (aka the powers she's been trying to use for good cannot be divorced from bad things)—

—and from this second onward (in El's perception at least) there is no way for her powers to be used correctly even when she wants to be helpful—which is why she “gives up,” lets the vine loop around her neck in the first place, and stares unmoving and crying at Max.

Basically: What Vecna says steals even the little resolve she gained back at Nina…which is why she stops fighting entirely.

Now, all of this is an extremely fair reason to feel defeated and dejected about trying to fight (on top of traumatizing af for El)—

—the problem is (like everything else wrong in their relationship) Mike once again has no sense of El’s internal state because she doesn’t and has not historically shared it (or can’t in this case), and therefore can only answer what he externally perceives her state to be—which he guesses, based on their last argument, has to do with him not being able to say he loves her.

The disjointedness between what is really happening with El and what Mike wrongly perceives the issue to be is why we see El not only look repeatedly displeased by his confession—

—but why the only thing she can think of in relation to Mike positively is his initial rescue, when he takes her to a space where her powers are neutral / unknown (and not the force for evil even her best attempts at using them just became in her mind).

That dissonance is also why she doesn’t fight until he starts saying she need to get over herself and save someone else…which is why she looks at Max and decides to fight anyway.

In truth, Mike could have glossed over the entirety of the “I love you," "not I'm scared of you but I’m afraid of losing you” part and just said “I believe you can do anything, but right you need to fight” and gotten the same result, given that what needed to be addressed was her self-loathing, not Mike’s (lack of) romantic affections.

Basically: even if they weren’t on the precipice of a breakup, Mike’s love wasn’t going to make up for the fact that El has basically just learned that what Brenner said was true—she wasn’t ready, not even physically, but mentally…because she was not prepared to learn that even her best attempts at saving the world were actually helping Henry build to the end of it.

Combine that with the fact that she ends up losing Max despite trying to fight with Mike's encouragement...on top of the fact that all of her relationship with Mike was rooted in her wanting to feel "normal" (aka what Vecna just shot out the window permanently)?

...no amount of "I love you's" from a boy as insecure as Mike (who she keeps at emotional distance) is was going to help that, especially given that Mike was directly mirroring what Brenner (who she literally cannot stand atp) said to her trying to encourage her.

All of this...we haven't even touched on anything happening on Mike's side or how her powers (that he so admires her for) are now officially "evil" in El's mind, never mind every other aspect of their incompatibility? ☠️

—I know I'm gonna move from this post on to how what Brenner said to her about "facing the good and the bad / humans are rarely so simple" is actually how El's arc has to be resolved in the end, but.

For now I'm at 30 images and anything more would get convoluted easy, so I'll just leave us (and my million mile an hour thoughts) here.

#this post turned out so long but I HAD to get it out before it drove me insane lmao #byler #< target audience #anti mlvn #el hopper #mike wheeler #martin brenner #my s4 rewatch #henry creel #vecna #my st commentary #stranger things

[be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie]

Avatar: The Last Airbender Live Action Thoughts!

-First of all, ya'll need to leave those child actors alone, they are babies and they didn't write the show, nor was it their idea to do it. I have seen way too many people body shaming children; leave them alone they all did well!

-I think Gordon makes Aang just as cute and small and powerful as I always saw him as!! He manages to joke around and be fun even when the storyline is a lot darker and more serious.

-I really wish Sokka was able to be more of his goofy and silly self. I understand why he isn't, and his humor is more sarcasm and dark jokes, but I saw glimpses of him in there! His excitement when he was with the Mechanist, engineering and getting to do something other than be in charge. Also when he has any older brother convo with Katara or Aang. I'm hopeful with time he'll be able to loosen up!

-(Speaking of the Mechanist, my boy Danny Pudi was SO GOOD, I love him, him and his little son).

-I wish Aang would practice waterbending with Katara :( those scenes of them practicing together were always some of my favorites in the series. Just beautiful kataang moments. I'm glad they addressed it but I missed those moments.

-I don't understand how you guys can't be having fun watching this, I get so excited waiting for little moments of lore, or when Jet and Katara were fighting in the forest I was sitting in front of the TV like "WHERE'S SMELLERBEE AND LONGSHOT. OH MY GOD NO IT'S PIPSQUEAK!" It's just so much fun! The colors are beautiful, the effects are gorgeous, and the plot and characters are entertaining. Think about the piece as it's own thing and enjoy it!

-Adaptations are just that; adaptations, and things will be changed! I think so far I haven't minded their changes, I understand why they've been made. There are things to criticize, but I think this is pretty well done.

-Zuko is fantastic; I think all the child actors are fairly good but Dallas' pissy attitude and the faces he makes are so so fun! I feel for Zuko and I'm scared of him when he shows up, and he's just as annoying and bratty as ponytail Zuko should be. His physical motions are fantastic!

-TEO WAS SO LITTLE?? Oh my god, like as a kid I thought the cartoon version of him was kinda hot so when they wheeled that tiny baby in I was HORRIFIED.

-Idk why YOU ALL weren't scared of Lizzy Yu's Azula, but her little smile in her intro scene gave me a lil chill. Maybe it's because I was away when the show first came out so I saw post after post about how bad she was, but I just.... Thought she'd be worse?? She did really well! Ya'll better be careful though or Gaten Matarazzo will come for you, that's his girl.

-So far the mushing of plots has made sense to me. Yes, I miss the silly filler episodes and the traveling the Gaang did, but it allows us to sit in a scene longer, and to colorize the world better, when we're in one place and one plot for longer. I think that's important for this type of medium and this amount of episodes. They might be able to justify more next season if this show does well enough.

-I am OBSESSED with Zuko and the 41st division oh my god, what a fantastic and well thought out addition. The reveal, and they're bowing for him when he comes back was DEVASTATING.

-They we're GIVING us Sokka and Katara best sibling moments, I loved all of them. They are so cute, they just mean so much to me.

-I don't feel Appa or Momo as characters like I did in the cartoon. I'm hoping this can change, because rn they surprise me every time they get on screen. I'm like "WHAT- oh it's Momo, he's here." How are we going to feel Appa's loss as much as we did in the cartoon if they continue to like barely be in it.

-Ken Leung SLAYED as Admiral Zhao, I watched him go literally insane as the episodes went on.

-Aang's imposter syndrome and feeling of failure being focused on I will always enjoy, even if I hope he can be silly next season too. His entire character arc this season just made me want to cry.

-Bro the coloring during the the Siege of the North was A M A Z I N G. The way the color faded in and out with fireballs and the monster koi passing nearby, just so pretty. It looked awesome.

-Making Yue a waterbender? The best. Her freezing Sokka in place so he can't stop her? Heartbreaking.

-Iroh and Zuko paddling off looking for bestie Lt. Jee?? Okay.

-They really grew this show up for us adults that watched it in 2005 and focused in on the really painful moments, themes, and details.

#listen i just feel like i can tell how much they all care about the series and it makes me want to like it #i'm liking it!!! #it's good! #i love all the children #aang #sokka #the mechanist #katara #jet #smellerbee #longshot #pipsqueak #zuko #teo #azula #appa #momo #admiral zhao #yue #uncle iroh #lieutenant jee #gordon cormier #danny pudi #dallas liu #elizabeth yu #gaten matarazzo #ken leung #avatar the last airbender #live action atla #melissa og

[sparklecryptid]

The Folgers "Incest" Commercial and the Internet

the internet doesn't know how to engage with things that make them uncomfortable or self reflective and im a killjoy

TODAY ON: The Internet is once again Hitting My Buttons and I have been Enabled (shoutout to @fatalism-and-villainy for reminding me of my BEEF WITH THIS SPECIFIC MEME) so now you are all going to listen to me rant about why I get so fucking annoyed with the meme that grew out of the Folgers Brother and Sister Commercial.

This is the commercial in question:

Is the acting weird and stilted? Yes. Does the whole thing remind me of bring a teenager and having awkward interactions with the family members I haven't seen in a long time? Also yes. Does this commercial commit the crime of being suggestive? Does it commit the crime of making it seem like the brother and sister are in a *gasp. pearl clutching. etc.* incestuous relationship? No. It doesn't. The acting is bad. The camera angles suck. The lighting is terrible. The script could be more natural. These are valid criticisms of the ad. The fact that a meme culture jumped up around the siblings in this ad making them into an incest joke makes me wonder if we all need to go back to elementary school Language Arts.

Granted I do take the view that messaging in media can be interpreted by others however they please so I know I've already lost some of you and that's chill, I am not here to convince I am here to rant.

Also like. My guys. My gals. My nonbinary pals. The intention of the creator matters. The creator of this stunted and poorly acted commercial did not intend for the internet to read this as an incestuous relationship.

(That doesn't matter to the internet, and is of little relevance here, but it is still important to note.

"But Moose," You say and I already know where you are going with it, "We know that, that's why it's funny to meme!"

"I know," I reply with a sigh that speaks of having just completed three end of term group projects, "But at the moment I'm taking the words incest and incestuous away from you because none of you can be trusted to use it to describe the thing it is made to describe and siblings just being siblings.")

The internet has decided its a funny haha to giggle at the bad acting here. That's fine! It's fine! You do you! I am simply a fellow on the internet that gets annoyed too easily! It's fine! The author is dead and the internet took over and nothing matters ever.

We're here to talk about how one of the reasons this commercial took off so fast as a meme is likely because it showed an awkwardly acted familial relationship that made people uncomfortable because it showed an attempt sincerity and sincerity is cringe. The internet around the time the memes took off was full of people who would rather make jokes about being affectionate toward your sibling than ever admit that sibling relationships are complicated things and that *gasp* being sincere with a sibling you have a good relationship with isn't uncommon! Admitting that you like your sibling might ruin your cool guy street online cred! Admitting you don't get the joke might make people make fun of you!*

Admitting that you're afraid of self-reflection and being forced to confront why you would rather these two characters be in an incestuous relationship than just be siblings is scary!

AND THAT is why this commercial annoys me! Because these memes are seem like they are laughing at a poorly acted aid that at least made an attempt to be sincere about how it portrayed a brother and sister relationship! Is the commercial cringe? Yes. Does the acting suck? Yes. Is the commercial implying anything? No. It's not. You guys just can't imagine something being cringe and sincere and are stuck on the heteronormative imagining that any relationship between a man and a woman has to be sexual if it is to mean anything.

*why i was on the bandwagon for so long. i am not good at Getting The Joke in real life why would I be any better online?

#i cut this down from 500 words so here #anyway. i should have a tag for rants #moose rants

[twig-tea]

Only Friends Ep7 Random Things I Haven't Already Spewed in the Tags Somewhere

God every line of dialogue this episode makes me want to write an essay.

This is the episode that's going to kill all of the mastermind theories and I'm so grateful. Everyone is just messy and young, not a genius or a villain, thank goodness that's now clear. Though I'm a little sad Boston didn't torture Nick by having more sex with the bug still present before confronting him about it (even though I agree this would have been worse writing).

Kudos to Nick for not outing Sand as the thief even though he was pressured and knew he was losing Boston. I respect it.

I was waiting this whole episode for Mew to confront Boston about him using the footage he took of Mew and Ray kissing to manipulate Top, but he never let on to Boston that he knew about that detail from Top. I was especially thinking about this during the scene where Mew threatens Boston with the Boston/Gap sex tape. I feel like some of those complicated expressions on Neo's face are about Boston thinking about that detail and whether Mew knew. It also says something to me about how much Mew is thinking about Top in this revenge moment (read: not at all). I wonder if it will come up later.

I also wanted to add that this was a brilliant way for Mew to make Boston feel regret (because it was clear he felt no remorse on his own). Mew got to feel morally superior AND instill real fear of consequences in Boston, it really was the perfect revenge.

I'm so interested in what Nick's thinking was re: giving the info about Boston's weakness to Mew. Did he want Boston more isolated from his friends? Was he actually compelled by Mew's argument even though we know he already said he didn't actually want to hurt Boston? [Ok I did already ramble in tags about this one but frfr I wanna knowwww]

Speaking of, it's interesting that Boston felt safe enough to tell Nick those details and not his best friends. Admittedly Nick was a bit right-place-right-time but Boston gave him an explanation, and now we know Mew hadn't heard about this previously.

I'm with @shortpplfedup and @lurkingshan on the Top cares more about Top than he cares about Mew train. I do think Top has some feelings, and they're associated with Mew, and I think they're mostly tied to Top's sense of self and how he wants to change and has told himself Mew is a critical part of making that change work (and making it worthwhile). His own sense of self got in the way of that change initially (which is why he did something Mew would not like at the first sign of maybe being lied to), and this loss seems to have helped him overcome that part of his ego, but we'll see.

Was thinking about the ephemerality squad as we watched Mew burn the physical representation of his time with Top, but only part of it.

Mew is careful and calculating, but he's not perfect and now he's doubting himself. After having scripted his first romance and having had it crash and burn despite his best efforts, second-guessing himself about Ray and being willing to give it a try even though he is sure it's a bad idea is.... painfully real. I didn't think RayMew would happen because Mew seemed so sure, but of course Mew would be doubting himself and his previous convictions now.

Mew really turned to Ray and said "I know we're not a good fit but maybe this is what I'm supposed to do" and Ray went for it because of course he did. Feels like that part of the script is explicitly calling out romantic tropes vs real life and how applying the logic of a romance narrative to reality just leads to heartbreak. I hope this keeps up, because YES. [Also @slayerkitty; is this what Jojo is doing re: dropping the narrative frameworks? Eps 1-5 people were telling themselves stories about how this was going to go and eps 6-7 have so far been realistic consequences. I'm now wondering if there's something there about applying dramatic tropes to the real world and how it doesn't work, actually?)]

Also just have to say, Drake's horny confident impersonal energy was perfect.

I have a whole other post about Cheum I've been drafting since last week and keep getting distracted from, but just to put this out there now: Mew was drowning Boston in that pool and girl you just stood to the side and watched (so did Ray, but he had a fractured arm so I'm giving him a pass).

No Yo at all in this episode; possibly another point in my corner about her being the representation of permanence (at least for this group), since everything was either under threat or had already imploded this episode.

Lastly, I keep thinking about what Ray's dad offered Sand, whether Sand took it, and what it would mean either way. It's absolutely bullshit, actually, that Sand not get paid for spending time with Ray considering how much money he is literally losing by spending time with Ray (this episode mentioned it explicitly: by staying to chill in the tub, he was missing out on plum wine $$). At the same time, Sand losing his other jobs to rely on money from Ray or his father is a recipe for disaster, because Ray is unreliable as a consistent source of income (please see his love of Mew). I understand not wanting to be misunderstood or influenced by money and so leaving it out of the situation, but it's in the situation anyway because Sand has debts and a lot of jobs and not a lot of time. I hate how much money has morality tied to it as much as I hate how sex has morality tied to it. It's not romantic to ruin your life for someone who won't even notice that's what you're doing (because Ray could never understand how Sand not working as hard for a week could absolutely mean Sand can't eat or pay rent--especially if Nick moved out--or pay school fees or his debts). Leaving money out of the calculation of a relationship is a privilege of the middle+ class. [@neuroticbookworm we're really going to have to have that noodling session because now you've got me fired up about this lol].

[this really only barebones touches on ephemerality but since I was thinking about y'all: @ranchthoughts @slayerkitty @wen-kexing-apologist @neuroticbookworm @waitmyturtles @lurkingshan @distant-screaming @chickenstrangers @clara-maybe-ontheroad ]

#only friends the series #only friends meta #only friends #ofts meta #ofts #ephemerality squad #also how did this get long? #ugh #long post

[lily-orchard]

Since this appears to be the topic this month, what do you think about topics that artists should be allowed to cover? I see this a lot in how people should be allowed to write whatever they want, often bringing up Lolita as an example.

As one of my favourite creators once said: There is no right to be heard.

One problem with this kind of discourse is that regardless of whether you think they should or not, people are free to have whatever opinion about you that they like. More often than not discussions about what is wise to create or what is responsible to create gets twisted by some truly awful people into conversations about what is "allowed."

It's like how criticism gets rebuked with "let people enjoy things." We're not stopping you.

Someone saying "You writing about this is an endorsement of it" is not actually infringing on your rights in any way. You have the right to yell "Ban this sick filth" as much as you fucking please.

That having been said, it's always interesting when Lolita gets brought up in these arguments because Lolita is usually brought up to defend brazenly pornographic Lolicon shit, when it's a completely irrelevant comparison.

Lolita is not a love story. Lolita is a psychological examination of a self-pitying criminal and the consequences and human costs of his heinous crimes.

This isn't something you could stick beside AO3 fetish porn because the authors of AO3 fetish porn are the SUBJECT and VILLAIN of the book. It's like trying to put "Riding in Cars with Boys" next to a Republican propaganda film about the righteousness of teen mothers and shotgun weddings.

If it were released today it'd be branded by the people using it as a cudgel as 'hateful propaganda for the antis.'

You already have the right to write whatever you please, and I or any other critical voice can't take that from you no matter how much or little any of us might want to. So bear that in mind as I make my next point:

Dark material only works if you have something to say. You have to do something with it. You could do something with it and fail, but failure is something the rest of us learn from. Even bad art has a place in history, if only to serve as some 'how not to do it' guide.

But there's this recent trend that, as an artist myself, has always fucking irked me. And that's "let's watch them get worse." Where you take the darkest material that you can possibly think of ("you" being a white suburban woman whose idea of getting freaky involves fuzzy handcuffs you got at Dollar Tree) and then you just sit there with it and do nothing. You just watch things get worse and worse and the thing we're supposed to take away from it is... nothing. Because it was made to shock the normies.

I played a game like this for the upcoming video and the only thing about it that was actually shocking was the disparity between how it was marketed and sold vs the actual product. It was utterly artless from start to finish, with only one or two moments that provided anything more thought provoking than "Wow what a whack-a-doodle." But even with that 'refuge in audacity' it was still weirdly afraid of itself to the point that it would pass the Hayes Code if it were released 70 years ago.

I think in the script I actually describe the writing as the living embodiement of "Ha ha just kidding unless."

It establishes that its protagonist is not a good person, and then all but one of the people they kill also had it coming. For something that billed itself as 'edgy' that was just fucking sad.

But that's really where we're at. We have a large group of people who want edgy, taboo-defying media, but they also want that media to comfortably fit into the fandom cycle. And really edgy material doesn't do that because part of being edgy is having a point to make. And if your story has a theme, it doesn't fit into the fandom cycle.

This has always been the contradiction between people who want "serious art" and the reality of how those same people consume art in the first place. They want serious art, but the characters still have to be malleable for headcanons and shipping. The characters still have to be pristine and sexy for the simps. So any theme the work has will be blunted so hard that it suits the censorship standards of almost a century ago.

And that section of art, that I used to call "Adventure Fantasy" when it was just limited to animation but now I need to find a new name for it, is one I truly believe has no right to exist.

[rollercoasterwords]

PLEASE tell us your barbie opinions!!!!! pls pls i also have opinions

happy 2 share but i will be putting it under a cut bc. a lot of people seem 2 think this movie is god's gift 2 earth and i am not in the mood 2 deal w barbie evangelists lol so if u do not want 2 see barbie movie criticism just scroll away

will preface by saying i enjoyed the movie i thought it was fun etc + i don't think there's anything wrong with enjoying it or finding it fun or even feeling very personally empowered/seen by what the movie had to say. that's all very nice on a personal level and i understand why so many people are finding the movie cathartic.

that being said i do not think the movie was feminist or subversive by a long shot and seeing so many people talk about how radical it was makes me feel like i'm being gaslit!!! like. did we watch different movies lmao. maybe i'd understand a little more why everyone was being taken in if barbie had like, gone to the real world and fought patriarchy in the movie--but she didn't even do that! they introduce the concept of real-world patriarchy only to have barbie go back to barbieland and destroy fake barbie patriarchy (which is rooted simply in one man's insecurity and easily resolved by gently encouraging him to seek self-worth outside his relationship--not exactly a cutting examination of the material investment that men have in patriarchy which makes it so difficult to challenge) and leave real-world patriarchy intact at the end (the big #feminist moment for real women is...mattel's sexist ceo saying he'll use a woman's idea for the next barbie, since he can make a lot of money off it? he doesn't even say he's going to pay her for the idea lmao).

so all in all the whole "barbie destroys patriarchy" bit of the movie just. did not feel particularly feminist to me beyond a very surface level acknowledgment that sexism exists and is bad. and like--i get that it's the barbie movie, and people could say "well of course it can't be that subversive but it did a good job for what it was!!" but i'm just like. ok yeah then let's call it what it was...instead of calling it subversive?? also every feminist message the movie tried to champion was immediately undermined by its fundamental investment in gender essentialism, which remains unchallenged throughout the whole film. like--barbies are literally canonically sexless and so u can't even try to argue that the gender binary which their society is based around is anything but 100% socially constructed, and we see that that gender binary affords privilege to some and not to others and also leads to ostracization of those who fail to conform to it, yet the happy ending of the movie is barbieland just...staying that way. and i feel like the movie then kinda says the quiet part out loud when barbie becomes a "real woman" by getting a vagina like...ok. lol

so like. even the interior politics of the film i struggle to understand how it could be considered groundbreaking feminism; and then when we zoom out and look at the material impact of the movie that just cements it as un-feminist to me. this is a really good article about the beauty standards being pushed + perpetuated by barbie marketing, and of course as with basically any hollywood movie the rich (and mostly rich men) will be getting richer, cycles of consumerism will be perpetuated, etc. honestly the "feminist" aspect of the film almost feels insidious to me in this context, as if it's meant to provide the catharsis of feeling like there's been some big challenge to patriarchy while quietly reinforcing the systems of oppression it publicly decries.

and like. at the end of the day i was not expecting barbie to be a subversive feminist film nor do i think it like...has a responsibility to be one. and it's nice that so many people feel like they're getting something out of it! but i think it's important to evaluate both the personal and societal impact of the media we're critiquing, and in that context it just seems silly to me to claim that barbie is subversive. i also find the amount of rhetoric i've seen about how the movie "encapsulates the female experience" so fucking irritating lmfao like...i am sorry but the idea that watching a group of hyperfeminine women flirt with men as a method of destroying patriarchy (<- not an exaggeration that is literally the plot. flirt with each other's boyfriends to make them jealous so they fight each other. zero lesbians in barbieland i suppose) is THE quintessential experience of #womanhood...well alright then.

anyway. there is more i could say but i am going 2 get dinner w a friend so. stopping here <3 not gonna post the link but i do have a full/in-depth review on my substack if u wanna poke around over there!

#ask #ranting and raving #spoilers #also found the 'self-awareness' somewhat insufferable #'oh hehe we're having margot robbie talk about how ugly she is!! silly us!!' shut up....please...

[dearweirdme]

Regarding the 2020 discussion, I do understand what anon means and how someone could watch some of the content during that time and come to a similar conclusion. At one point, I was really considering it myself. However looking back, I don't think it can be specifically applied to Taekook.

Between the period of 2018-2020 (with a couple of outliers during late 2017 and early 2021) there were moments where Taekook appeared sometimes distant and different on screen. I remember being so confused because I'd see these moments and wonder if there was a problem but then there were also more 'hidden' and off screen moments where they seemed just as close, if not closer than ever so a lot of things weren't making sense.

And even within the same content (like Run eps for example) Taekook could seem to blow hot and cold (though we've all, I'm sure, seen clear cases of editing when it comes to pre-filmed content)

As a Taekooker, my thinking at the time was that there might have potentially been a break up but even that didn't make sense because those moments of closeness we did see contradicted any on screen distance and awkwardness. It didn't make sense how they'd be so awkward on screen because of a break up or shipping yet manage to drop that awkwardness in their private time.

Then after rewatching a lot of content at a later date and with less of a hyper focus on Taekook, I realised that Tae was, at times, coming across as a little disoriented and disconnected in general. Anon has only picked up on Taekook and Tae and Yoongi (which personally I don't see as the greatest example of what I'm talking about because unless im getting my timelines mixed up, I think they had some of their closest moments during that period) but Tae's relationships with the others also didn't seem to be running at peak either.

And I'm not alluding to anything malicious or speculating about major fallouts because we saw the guys trying to rally around him. We saw Jimin trying extra hard to make him laugh and put a smile on his face, we even saw RM ask him in a live to reach out to him more and hugging him and talking him out of negative self criticism, we saw moments of concern from members about Taehyung potentially bottling up his feelings, we had the guys so desperate that they even used an interview format to practically beg Taehyung to come to them and offload on them when he felt burdened and was suffering. We saw moments of JK being hyper alert to his moods (which is one of the things that confused me when put up against the 'not close/breakup theories)

It was clear to me even then that Taehyung was going through something seriously with his mental health though I didn't like to speculate openly at the time. However, he's recently spoken about it hinself at this point so I feel comfortable in saying that I think a lot of that awkwardness and disconnection we were picking up on was him struggling to get through his duties, emotionally numbing as people do during depression, disassociating etc.

For a long time, it seemed like only JHope and to a lesser degree, Jin, could crack that shell a little during content and I really do think it's by force of their personality alone and easy going nature. While probably even closer to Taehyung, JK is one of the most easily affected by the others moods and Jimin is a natural problem solver.

If we're hyperfocused on Taekook then we're only going to see a distance between them compared to the fun and mischief and boundless energy we used to see between them but if you look at the bigger picture, you can see Taehyung being withdrawn, reserved and having moments of disconnection in general---not just with the members but with himself and whatever he's engaging with at the time.

As a fan from very early on in the group the change in Taehyung's emotional state was jarring, concerning and pretty drastic. I also saw the impact on his interactions with the other members. Again, I'm not claiming that anyone did anything wrong or anyone was to blame because we also saw how loved he was, how hard they tried to lift him up, build his confidence back up, put a smile on his face, keep an eye on his moods etc. It's just that sometimes what you need isn't what you want when your mental health is suffering.

And he got through it because as surely as I saw the change in his mood back then, I started to see it positively shuft again by 2021 and, not coincidentally, we had people talking about how open and bubbly and energetic and engaged he seemed again, how he seemed more like 'the old Tae' (though I loathe that saying) and how he and JK had never seemed closer and how Vmin was rising again etc.

I know we rely a lot on the timeline as a counter in some of these discussions but that because whenever there's a moment where you could make a valid arguement that Taekook broke up/aren't close/are distant/fell out etc---there's something in the timeline that completely contradicts that idea.

I've been caught out and surprised myself a few times thinking I knew what was going on only to see it countered in black and white when seeing the timeline.

I've been so sure on a Tuesday that their relationship is broken only to have my eye wiped by Thursday's post that shows them being as close as can be.

So while I do understand anon, I also think some Taekookers, including myself, are more susceptible to being a little narrow minded and tunnel visioned when it comes to their relationship and that sometimes, it's best to take a step back from Taekook and look at the bigger picture overall.

Hi anon!

I absolutely agree with what you’ve said here. It’s a tough thing to talk about, because it’s such a delicate matter and we really have little knowledge about all the reasons why and the full extent of Tae’s mental health issues.

Standing by and watching a loved one struggle with depression is so hard. It’s not comparable with how the person actually suffering feels, but the feeling of powerlessness and constant worry is huge. I recognize what you have laid out here from situations in my own life.

There’s so much more to a person than the relationship they’re in. Yes, we do look at Tae and Jk’s interactions a lot, but to understand them we need to understand as much about their lives as we can. People aren’t static and the way they interact and respond to things may vary from day to day and from moment to moment even.. it just depends on so many things.. we will never be able to deduce what exactly went on.

To me Tae and Jk also make sense in the bigger picture. At times the ‘greatest love story’ comments irk me a bit, because yeah.. I think their love is of the greatest kind, but at the same time I would have wished things to have been so much more easier for them. I think Tae’s mental problems must’ve been so hard on Jk and your ‘jk being hyper alert to his moods’ definitely rings true for me.

#taekook #tae #Taekook analysis

[chuplayswithfire]

i love the writing for Stede because he's an excellent example of how a person can be marginalized in some ways and privileged in others, which is, in general, the way the world actually works. its rare for there to exist a person with absolutely no privilege and only marginalizations, but people generally don't think of the ways that we're privileged, especially when we're suffering from the ways that we're marginalized

and that's why stede is a great example, and his writing does an excellent job of digging into the topic. because stede experiences a lot of marginalization as a gay man, from childhood bullying and abuse from his father right up to being pressured into marrying a woman and having children - but he's also immensely privileged by virtue of being rich, white, and a man, with each of those things insulating him from the realities of the world that other people, including the people around him, suffer through.

like, with mary - stede's marriage to mary as viewed by stede is one where they're both miserable in monotony, but when you look at the show in reality, stede checked out of his marriage because he didn't want to be there. mary didn't either, but she tried to make it work, because she doesn't have any other options in her society - she would be disgraced and without support, monetarily, or familial in most cases, if she left her husband, and she wouldn't be allowed to divorce him. she has to make it work because this is her only option.

but stede has options. stede can check out. stede can leave his wife to do the hard work of raising the kids while mary has to be the one to ask them to stop running around the house, and initiate conversations with them at the dinner table, and nurture and care for them. stede is the fun dad playmate, and its why when he decides that he wants to leave his monotonous life, where he's uncomfortable in a married state, that he leaves the children behind with her.

and with the crew - stede is a terrible captain in terms of actually knowing how to sail a ship or do anything that a ship needs doing. we all know this. the characters know this. there's a reason oluwande agrees that stede is going to get them all killed, and jim calls him the worst pirate captain ever - when stede sets out to be a captain, he genuinely sucks at this. he's terrible at it, because he didn't have to learn anything about doing any of it, he just needed to be rich to achieve everything he ever wanted, and then rely on the labor of poorer white men and poorer men of color to make it all work out for him.

in episode two, when stede finds his courage to go after the hostages and prove himself as a captain, he says "i am adequate", which is both played for comedy and empathy - comedy because its such an understatement for a positive affirmation, empathy because it's *such* an understatement and goes to outlining stede's overall low sense of worth, but i think it's also important to note that it's kind of right? at best, stede is adequate at that moment.

and throughout the show, we see stede take a lot of things to heart, but also, in many ways fail to take responsibility for things he does wrong - he overcompensates and makes them about his lack of worth, or he deflects and makes them not his fault, or he gets overly critical towards others so he doesn't have to accept any blame or fault - and it all stems from this mindset that's been built into him from youth, that he's worthless and terrible and pathetic.

and here's the thing: i'm not saying that stede's abusive father or the badmintons or anyone else who bullied and tormented stede were right. he's not a lily-livered little rich boy who's never going to be anything else. but they did impart a lot of learned helplessness into stede, at least as i see him, where because he has such low self-esteem, he genuinely seems to think that he can't possibly cause harm to other people. he feels guilty about abandoning his family, he feels guilty about leaving them behind, he feels that this makes him a bad person, but it's not until episode 9 and he learns that he's been reported dead that he seems to genuinely think about the ways that his family could have suffered without him.

after all, in keeping with the times, it's very possible that mary would have been educated on managing a household, but not finances or businesses, or the land that they run. it's very possible that other relatives could have come crawling from the woodwork for the fortune. it's possible that with the money being louis', not mary's, by right, that she could have been with very limited access to their funds.

a lot of bad things could have happened, even WITHOUT the emotional hurt that being abandoned by a husband/father would cause, but stede doesn't seem to have expected any of that. in episode 10, he's surprised and hurt that his children are angry and have forgotten him. he's angry that mary has found a person to be in love with. he's upset that he came back and coming back wasn't enough for anyone, because he didn't think he, stede bonnet, could hurt anyone.

and that's partially because he's always seen himself through the lens of victimization and the ways that others have hurt him, and not in the ways that he could hurt others. mary's life is better with stede gone not because of his inherent lack of worth as a person, but because he was a terrible husband, wrapped up in himself and his griefs and his hurts and his very real marginalizations, and in doing so completely failed to be compassionate or kind or even an active participant in his own domestic life.

by the end of the season, we see stede finally starting to own that. we see that he's recognized his part in the harm he caused, and that he's finally being active, not reactive, in his own life. he makes the decision to leave openly, he carefully removes himself from at least one of his privileges - his class, by abandoning his wealth fully, this time, no longer leaving himself a lifeline to the world of the wealthy elite, and setting out to be an equal to his crew and to ed.

and that's a GOOD way to show this kind of story. because we are often much more attuned to the ways that we experience marginalization than the ways we enjoy privilege. privilege functions near-invisibly for the privileged, because we don't see all the ways we benefit from a world that's purpose-built for us. it takes intentional thought and perspective to see that the world is not built equal, and that we don't all move through it in the same way. often times, we have to confront sources of our marginalization, like stede did in coming back home and dealing with the life he left behind, to acknowledge our privileges - like stede did again, facing his fellow disaffected rich peers and the wife and children he hurt - to begin being active participants in our lives.

i'm really glad for the way stede's journey is handled. it would have been SO easy for the show to say that stede has no fault in his actions, that he had no choices, that he was just reacting. instead the show shows us that stede had options all along, but he was so embedded within himself that he didn't see them, and straggled along, hurting people because he was too busy in that mindset, until finally he came out of it.

i'm excited to see season 2. i'm excited to see where stede grows next, now that he's finally actively shaping his life, not bowing to his learned helplessness, not looking away from the negative impacts of his choices.

#stede bonnet #ofmd #our flag means death #ofmd meta #ofmd spoilers #ofmd season 2 speculation

[mlsofh]

Vivziepop Criticism

Hello Wayward Sinners!

I wanted to do a full on post about the criticism of Viv because a lot of the things I see people raving about with Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss usually are just very hateful. I'd like to take a moment to address the fact that Viv isn't the sole creator of Helluva Boss or Hazbin Hotel, and giving her all of that hate is honestly unfair to her. She is a director and producer, yes, but this does not mean she had all creative liberty. This doesn't mean she isn't to blame but it's also not on us to solely blame her for the possible problems of both respective shows. As a person who wants to be an indie animator and even a director myself, I know the effort it takes to make a production. It's a lot of people! We have to remember that as a society, we have bias pushed onto us. We have subconscious bias to be more disrespectful towards women in media who are successful. That's because we're brought up to think women are lesser or aren't competent, but I'd like to remind everyone that Brandon Rogers is equally a producer and director of Helluva Boss. And lets not even forget that Hazbin Hotel is a whole production with multiple writers, artists, and so many more. A professional company decided Viv's designs weren't bad which means it's likely intentional. I also want people to remember that humans aren't a linear species. We aren't linear, we have learning curves. Give other humans the benefit of the doubt. If you're going to send hate then rethink why you're sending that hate. If you're criticizing I'd like for everyone to remember to criticize the whole production/direction (Not including Voice Directors. They have no say) staff who works on this production. Stop sending only criticisms to Viv, and instead send them to overall staff. It was written by Vivienne. The story is by Brandon, Vivienne, and Adam Neylan. Just because it's directed and produced by her doesn't mean she has all creative liberty. A good director takes others opinions into account when the creative process happens. I personally think it's a little ridiculous all the shit she gets for her writing skills. She gets quite a bit of shit for the "one dimensional" nature of Millie, Loona, and Stella for Helluva Boss. To which I say you're not looking at the character's bigger picture. Millie clearly deals with self worth issues, Loona deals with deep trauma that comes out in little hints, and Stella grew up in a very privileged position. Millie is incredibly well written if you look at her from her own standpoint. She doesn't talk about her deep past because she has a good relationship with her parents, didn't have a poor childhood overall, and is emotionally stable mostly. But we know that she got outshined by her sister, Sally may, frequently! She needed to be validated by teenagers for her physical skills. Millie sacrifices a lot for Moxxie, but that doesn't make her a supporting character to him. I'd love to have another episode about Millie: we all would. But she’s actually a well written character.

Don’t get me started about Loona either! Loona is very true to how people work. She is standoffish, and pretty rude in the start of most new interactions. She’s a traumatized young adult. As a traumatized young adult who has/had friends who are traumatized young adults, one of them acts like Loona! She’s really standoffish but incredibly sweet and needs lots of thoughtful attention. Loona has had lovely character development. I think even Stella being one dimensional is like how Striker is one dimensional, but I do not see a single criticism for Striker. I don't see criticism for arguably the worst written character in the series: Crimson. People want to call out when women aren't portrayed as inherently vulnerable. But what have we gotten that's good, that is so downplayed in modern media? Men being vulnerable. Men being abused, physically(implied by Stella’s interaction with Stolas.) So, yeah. Helluva Boss and Hazbin Hotel aren’t bad and we give Viv way too much overall flack. Give flack to all creators.

Anyway that’s all I have,

What do you think?

Stay tuned for more!

#hazbin hotel #helluva boss #helluva Millie #helluva Loona #helluva Stella #helluva blitzo #helluva boss theory

[licncourt]

begin again COOKED as a post-qotd fix-it (fave fic! <3) but i need to know your thoughts on prince lestat/how you would re-do it in the correct way. to this day i still think LESTAT becoming prince monarch of all the vampires is one of the craziest decisions made during the novels. to me lestat is a prince in the same way that jack skellington was king of halloween (that includes the running away to cause delusional hijinks that ultimately jeapordize everyone)

Aaahhh thank you!! That fic is my child that I birthed so I appreciate it more than you know! It's actually BA's one year finished-iversary next week, my baby's all grown up.

I've talked about that before actually in this post about how I would rewrite the whole series, but I can expand a little here!

Firstly, this could've been two books instead of three. There was nothing going on in there that required three entire novels

Things that have to go entirely: aliens, test tube clone baby Viktor, Atlantis. Sorry, not salvageable

I think rather than the Amel thing, it would have been cool if the sacred core had started corrupting Lestat and altering his behavior as host, maybe changing him gradually into a animalistic, violent folklore-like vampire, making him slowly lose his mind like Mekare, or erasing his sense of self to become a blank host. Then it's a race against the clock and vampire magical biology to save him. This could be the first PL book

Ideally, I think this book should be narrated by Louis and focus a lot on his growth as a character as he finishes his personal. It would bring some happy ending closure to the IWTV version of him without being a jarring change. I also think having his POV for the best of his and Lestat's relationship would be a nice full circle moment from seeing him describe their worst. The idea of Lestat losing himself to the core and them potentially coming together too late would add good drama as well. Maybe this is Louis' follow-up memoir describing how they fixed things

The Rhoshamandes conflict can stay for the second PL and final VC book, but I think it could've been less boring if the drama between him and Lestat had been better fleshed out. They have a lot of similarities that weren't used to their full advantage. It would really highlight Lestat's growth to have him defeat what he could've become

When Lestat reunites with Louis, they would actually have some long, hard conversations about their past, ones that continue throughout the PL trilogy

Hopefully an explanation for why Lestat has made this 180 is included, even if it's just the crushing realization of his own loneliness and longing reaching critical mass after twenty years of who the fuck knows what

The cast is pared down to the strongest written and most interesting characters so the story isn't spread so thin, probably Lestat, Louis, Armand, Gabrielle, Marius, Pandora, and maybe a small handful of new characters with significance in the story. I think Seth, Fareed, Sevraine had the most potential to be good additions to the primary roster if she wanted to add on

Cool characters from the original like trilogy like Maharet and Khayman are expanded on rather than killed offscreen to make room for more Anne Rice NPCs. If we're going to kill someone from the trilogy, please God let it be David Talbot

This goes without saying I think, especially from me, but Louis would be restored to his former glory as a true main character alongside Lestat instead of relegated to lobotomized housewife. There was so much potential for him in an active consort role. We also don't get to see how he got to such a peaceful place at the end of PL, so I would like to see him work through some stuff on the page

I would either cut the Rhoshamandes/Benedict storyline because of how redundant it is with how it mirrors the Marius/Armand dynamic or do something to differentiate it as its own relationship. At the very least, maybe the similarity could be highlighted to become a character beat for Armand

As far as Armand in general, I would make him a much more prominent player. I think he's a great fit for a court setting and could create a lot of intrigue as well as adding coolness factor. I'm always torn about whether I like the reveal of his romantic feelings for Lestat, but in the interest of keeping SOME things intact, I would just play it differently. Primarily, I think he becomes way too agreeable (similar to Louis) in how he submits to and idolizes Lestat, so I would love to see him come into more conflict with Lestat in spite of those feelings. Maybe we can see him make some peace with their history and let go of that intense emotion for something healthier

If we're going to keep the sex injections (IVs, whatever), I think we should do more with it than have Lestat prematurely ejaculate into a random woman. I think there's potential for a very interesting new dynamic with Louis and Lestat. It would be cathartic and maybe an interesting part of their healing process and of becoming a real couple for the first time

That's what I can think of for now, but I might update later!

#btw the lestat jack skellington comparison made me laugh you're so right #louis is so sally coded #answered #vc #the vampire chronicles #interview with the vampire #meta

[the-valiant-valkyrie]

i think one of the biggest threats between people pairing solaris and the fabricator has to be the way that they conduct themselves- as far as we're aware from an external perspective. canonically, though the two of them work together frequently- resulting in horrifically lethal machines- they're about as different as they can be.

if you ask me, though, i don't think it's an issue at all. if anything, i think someone like solaris is exactly what the fabricator needs.

for never really getting a moment to herself in the spotlight, we know a surprising amount about the fabricator, and we can safely infer a whole lot more.

from the power that zor lends to her, she seems to be a very critical component of zoraxis. it's a sentiment the agency also parrots, regarding her as zor's runner up in regards to her own lethality. it does, however, come at the consequence of losing the majority of her free time. she's a diligent engineer to a fault, to the point where she'll sacrifice her own time and sleep in order to complete projects she's been assigned to. as highly as she regards herself, she puts zor before her- which, considering her conduct, seems to be quite a big deal for someone like herself.

and even beyond her work with zoraxis, we have to consider what she does with the rest of her 'spare time'. she's the head of a front facing fashion business that seems publicly unaffiliated with the megacorp, meaning even post 3, she still has just as much work on her hands as she did before zoraxis' exposure. people are still buying her products, and she's still rolling out new ones. as a renowned designer- someone who assuredly has the majority of her free time eaten up by the formalities and outings mandatory of socialites.

you can make a pretty solid argument that- as self important as she appears on the surface- she is running herself into the ground for everyone other than herself. her needs canonically come after zor's, and considering what little time she must have to spare after working on their projects, it seems her needs come after her clients' as well.

and then there's solaris. relatively new to zoraxis, so it seems, and without the same dedication to the company that her coworkers seem to share. she's dedicated to her work first, herself seemingly second, and the company third. it's the perfect blend of being a diligent worker and a horribly insubordinate employee.

do i think fabby would hate her conduct at first? oh, absolutely. being forced to work alongside someone who couldn't care less about the boss she so diligently devotes herself to? someone so unlike herself? so blunt and unrefined?

… i do think, though, after long enough, solaris is the perfect individual to turn into an unwitting lifeline.

solaris is the fabricator's only window into a world beyond the little pen she's caged herself in. a world where zor's every wish isn't her command. a world where her every decision and action isn't scrutinized- by her boss, by her clients, by the media, by whoever else she dares to keep close to her. a world where she doesn't need to perform for those around her to tolerate her.

solaris is far from polite society. and yes, that means she's inelegant and hard to parse. but that also means she doesn't bother to judge the fabricator on any of the standards she's been forcing herself to uphold.

solaris is a blank slate. a brief respite. an intellectual equal who doesn't layer expectations on her already broken back.

i do think it's something fabby wouldn't know to truly appreciate until she leaves zoraxis. until she realizes how suffocating life is when she's back to performing for everyone she knows. when she doesn't have anyone to affirm the invisible thought that zor's working her too hard… you don't notice what you have until its gone. john's gay ass isn't the only one masking is all i'm saying

#ieytd #the fabricator #commander solaris #long ass post but it's important. to ME. #the d*nt st*rve community would be eating this shit up. btw. my two million paragraph essay on women. #i should really be charging for this. but im nice. and also gay and yearning. so you can have my festering thoughts for free okay?? okay? #fabbylaris

[nobodysdaydreams]

If Pryce and Cutter hate the youths so much, then why don't they move across the universe to get the marriage counseling they clearly need and stop making their BS everyone else's problem?

(Or my reaction to Episodes 59-60 of Wolf359).

I said I would have self control. I said I wouldn’t listen to or react to anymore Wolf359 this whole weekend. But guess what dear readers? As usual, I lied, to you and myself. Sadly, I am weak. Now, with my confession out of the way, let’s get into it!

Tagging the mutuals who got me invested in this, and if you want to be tagged or untagged from these posts, lmk, or you can follow my blog or simply follow the tag "#bods wolf359 reactions". Anyone who has followed me for a while knows my updates are inconsistent, so I apologize in advance for that and for any spelling/grammar mistakes in my posts.

@sophieswundergarten @oflightningandstars @acollectionofcuriousreblogs @herawell @commsroom @lovelyladylavie

Episode 59: Crash and Burn

"Oh how fun. Come on kids, scream if you want to go faster." It's trippy that when I hear Pryce talk for a moment I'm like "Hera?" and then I realize. Also she and Cutter really do act like criticizing and mean disappointed parents.

"But just a small fire, and look it's out now!" good point Doug.

"This time you finally killed us" Congrats Doug!

"It's a fire on a spaceship, you shouldn't need explicit instruction to know it's a bad idea" "You don't know the first thing about commanding Douglas F. Eiffel" LET HIM KNOW DOUG!

"Cyborg De Vil" Eiffel really does have the best nicknames.

"I'm just a poor little old lady" Oh, I've met old ladies like you Pryce. Terribly entertaining, but awful all the same. Hated their own children too. At this point, I'm just waiting for your sad little backstory.

"Nobody says "thank you" anymore. Kids these days..." Pryce, maybe when you do something worthy of thanks, then you will be thanked.

"If it seems like I'm wrong, you don't have all the data" Well geez, I hope that pride doesn't kill you.

"Why are you asking us to read the values for you?" OH GET HER MINKOWSKI.

Okay, Pryce, in fairness to Doug, I think we've well established that most characters in this show are "metaphorically blind" in one way or another.

"Blinded by my own survival manual" it's fitting to be honest. The next edition? No, we don't need another edition Miranda.

"Well this should be easy!" Doug...Doug when is it ever easy?

Well gang, it looks like the gang's not getting out of this one this time. I will miss you all. Minkowski and Doug most of all. Kepler and Pryce less so.

Calling Pryce's husband is unfortunately the only plan. Let's see how he feels about wifey being in danger. This is either gonna go one of...potentially a few ways, and I'm very interested to see his reaction.

Will he leave her to die in space? Will he feel bad about that? Will he give up an advantage for her?

Wait. Is this Hera? Oh it's Marcus and Hera. I love the juxtaposition between Doug and Pryce and Marcus and Hera. I guess they both have a common interest. Nothing brings people together quite like it.

Oh gross Rachel's here too.

Skin alive whoever designed the flight's pod system? But this is so arbitrary...if all their enemies had been the ones to get blasted off, Cutter would give the man a promotion. For a guy who only promotes "the best" a lot of this is really just luck.

Wait. GUESTS???

Oh they got Lovelace and Jacobi. Oh dear. At least they can't kill or control Lovelace.

"I can't do much without her" I see. So she is the brain's behind Cutter's little happy murder business operation.

"Part of my signature look" Jacobi's sarcasm is growing on me the more he uses it against the right people.

"Pretty please with sugar on top" OH SO CUTTER DID HEAR JACOBI SAY THAT AND THREATEN TO SHOOT KEPLER. I think those were the exactly words he used too.

And speaking of that episode, we're back to singing about beer! 🍻Jacobi really is (formerly)evil Doug. 😂 They even sing the same song.

Is Pryce threatening to...EAT Doug? Well this is creepy.

Pryce, shut it. If you're so much of a grownup, stop acting like a pouty child.

Geez all Pryce knows how to do is complain. I guess Cutter is into that. For some weird reason. "Do I have to do everything around here." All you do is make trouble.

"You can't afford to take a chance on this" CALL HIM OUT JACOBI! I love his arc, I love his arc so much, it took way too long, but I'm so happy he's gotten here.

Oh dear. Is Jacobi in the right headspace for this? "Prettiest pumpkin princess at the ball?" Well good for Jacobi. Also very similar to the line Pryce gave to Hera. It's scary how much they sound and speak alike.

That is true. It might need to be a self-sacrifice mission. If Jacobi misses, Cutter kills him, and Eiffel and Minkowski don't survive. It's a tough situation, especially because we're not even sure how many lives are at stake here. But Jacobi, the whole point of self-sacrifice is that the people making the sacrifice agree to it, or there's literally no other way.

Yeah, Doug, Pryce is not gonna be reassuring. That's not in her generation's vocabulary.

Uh oh. Jacobi, I hope you know what you're doing.

Oh dear. Marcus seems testy.

And how much longer do we have with Rachel and Reimann? (Yes, I was corrected on the spelling).

"Just get it right this time Marcus" wow she is demanding.

Ah...there it is.

...or not...

...Jacobi?

...DUCK BOY?

Well they got them. But what happens now?

Oh great Marcus' slow clapping. And let me guess, he kills him anyway?

Business to catch up on? Pryce doesn't sound too happy.

And yeah Minkowski, hold her at gunpoint! (Though in my experience, people like her don't fear death, rather they complain it's not coming fast enough), but whatever gives you the upper hand.

Episode 60: Terms and Conditions

What's with the beeping?

"You are alright?" Strange that Rachel asks that. I guess she'd be the one to notice he's quiet.

Ah. The sunset. Very fitting.

Westerns. Cutter probably saw some of them down at the old timey picture show when he was a wee lad.

Yes, yes, "the bigger picture". But what if there is a bigger picture to even your story, Cutter? One that you're not in control over?

Cutter knows what's about to happen. He knows it's time to choose. Work wifey or scary evil plan? What's it gonna be old man?

"Who is it?" 😂 I love Doug. I love him so much.

"We could have a cup of tea" oh gosh Cutter really is every old person stereotype.

"Reflect on the working conditions. Are you fostering a supportive company culture? One that values the contributions of its employees?" Doug is the best. Doug is the best.

"If you ever want to see your worst half ever again" 👏 Tell him. TELL HIM.

So now Cutter has to a choice. He can go Legend of Korra and kick Pryce to the curb, or he can drop his tragic backstory and try to come to an understanding.

"Can you guarantee the safe recover of Dr. Pryce?" "96%" Hm. Cutter doesn't seem happy with those numbers.

Special Projects? "Similar to you while still not you. You will see what you miss and say what you don't want to" interesting. So that's why Cutter keeps Rachel around.

"How possible would it be to complete the mission without Dr. Pryce?"

DANNGGGGGGG... Rachel asking the real questions.

"I don't know what your partnership with Dr. Pryce means" Interesting...so Cutter kept that even closer to his chest.

"Before I decide, I want the information" Cutter is unraveling.

See this is why you shouldn't talk when Cutter can hear them.

"Handle this personally?" Did he just crack his knuckles? Is he going to try to fight them? 😂

Neat idea? Is Cutter gonna make his own radio show?

Kepler and Lovelace are speaking for them? This is weird. And unnecessary unless some other mischief is a foot.

CUTTER IS MAKING HER DO THE "MM-HM" 😂😂😂

Kepler reading out Eiffel's words too 😂

Cutter's promises are stupid. And taking the collar off Hera doesn't mean that Pryce can't do something else terrible.

"Those are big promises" That's basic human decency.

"That's one thing. I'm giving you three. What else?"

Kepler and Pryce are two people. I love how it clearly shows Cutter views Kepler, who he's having Lovelace talk to, a disposable.

"You wouldn't lift a finger to help anyone if you didn't need them for something." CALL HIM OUT. CALL HIM OUT. 👏👏👏

"With all due respect to you Warren, that Dr. Pryce's return is worth two of your demands" wow, Cutter just went there didn't he?

"We won't annoy you" "I'm not sure you can promise that" "First off this is...this is your boy, Douggie Fresh at the mic" 😂 I knew it was Doug when he said the "won't annoy you" thing, but having him use Kepler like this is amazing. "Gumming up the works" I love Eiffel. I love his whole speech.

Is Cutter making her slow clap? Cutter and Eiffel really are a theatrical duo.

Reject your terms? Taking advantage of you guys? You should be asking for way more. That's very true. They should ask for way more. They really should. But um...what is Cutter doing???

Ugh. It's like Cutter is still trying to teach them a lesson. Like an evil twisted mentorship figure.

I have a bad feeling about it too.

"You two crazy kids still there?" Shut up Cutter (no offense Isabel).

Cutter is gonna destroy the sol when it leaves. He has a plan to do so.

"No catch" THERE IS ALWAYS A CATCH.

"Talk to us baby" Aw, I'm so happy Hera loves it. 💕🥰

"Tell us who you are and what you're doing up here?"

YES! THE TRUTH AT LAST.

Ah, Doug has figured it out. Cutter is just ecstatic.

"Super old, look like you're 28, no need to sleep or eat, know everything, obsessed with aliens..." Oh Doug thinks they are aliens.

Not a bad theory Doug, but I feel like you're not correct.

I feel like they're about to say something like "no silly Doug. We're not aliens. Don't be an idiot. That would be over the top and ridiculous. We're obviously cyborgs from the past and future who have travels here to enslave all of humanity and rewrite the course of human history. Which is SO much more reasonable."

Also given that Lovelace WAS an alien, it's not that crazy of a guess. They're being a little unfairly mean to him right now.

Modified???? Wait, no, no deal, what does modified mean? Explain that first please, explain it now.

Send Kepler first. Cutter doesn't care about him.

"You want to stay with us" "No Boy" oh dear. Looks like they're in the middle of a little marriage spat. "You'll never be rid of me 214" I knew it, Pryce has a thing for keeping Hera under control.

Yeah, what did Jacobi do? Hopefully that alien blood works quick.

OH WHAT IS THE TEA THE BOOMERS ARE FIGHTINGGGGG!!!!

"Better to be lucky than good" something tells me you won't be for long, Miranda.

Rachel is going with them? Um. It doesn't sound like either of them like that. "Fill you in on the details" that's obviously code for something. I don't like how fast Rachel agreed to that.

Oh dear. Trouble in paradise it would seem. Worried about wifey, Marcus? "Be quiet. I was worried." "For me?" "I was." "You're not immortal" "yet" "of course, I was worried for you."

"Your only task is to back my play" wow. They really ARE a toxic married couple from the early 1900s. I guess Cutter couldn't stand the thought of losing his precious cold detached mean evil science early 1900's house/work wife.

"Friends?" "Partners." Hm.

This relationship fascinates me. Miranda shows him hardly any respect or gratitude. Yet Cutter seems to care about her in a...weirdly toxic way. Though I do wonder if Miranda feels the same.

Very true something has to be wrong here. Cutter wouldn't let them leave unless...

Wait. Unless it was irrelevant to his plans. Unless them getting back to Earth didn't matter.

"That's not why you're not gonna leave" ...um Rachel. What are you talking about? Please fill us in on the plan.

Oh Kepler's here too.

THE END OF THE WORLD?????

Wait...oh my gosh...

So...there will be no Earth to return to? And all the people on it?

ARE PRYCE AND CUTTER TRYING TO MAKE A DEAL WITH THE ALIENS???

Well I did say in a private discord chat that it was odd that they mentioned Minkowski’s husband and Doug’s daughter only to never bring up threatening their lives again. I guess they really saved that one in their back pockets for the grand finale.

Kepler, how much longer are you going to go along with this? If they destroy the Earth, everything on it goes too, including your beloved Whiskey.

Rachel, idk how much longer you think Cutter is gonna keep you around, but he clearly only cares about his evil science arm candy, and that's not you or Reimann. He'll toss you both under the bus when he's done.

Cutter, wifey seems a bit unstable, and Pryce, your man seems to not be valuing you as an equal, and as much as I dislike you, I'm still not cool with that on principle. Perhaps the two of you ought to see to some marriage counseling, somewhere...oh I don't know...far far far far far away on the other side of the universe? Where you two can finally stop having to deal with those pesky youths you claim to hate so much?

Well at least the thing about Cutter naming the AI and putting on a charming appearance and Pryce hating it and acting so cold towards them makes so much sense now. Cutter wants to play house. House where he casts himself in the role of a toxic, stereotypical, controlling, abusive, and terrible father, with a flimsy "I care so deeply" facade and horrible taste in women, but house all the same. I guess it makes sense given when he was born. Pryce views the AI and their employees as things, Cutter views them as their children or rather their "creations" but at the end of the day, their views amount to the same thing: tools from which they demand unquestioning obedience that they can cast aside if and when they chose to do so. Absolutely disgusting.

Wait. 2 hours?

THE LAST EPISODE IS TWO FULL HOURS.

And Volte Face is one hour. But then...when will I have the time to...

oh boy. Stay tuned everyone. Hopefully I'll get my answers soon. Thanks for reading!

#bods wolf359 reactions #wolf359 #renee minkowski #isabel lovelace #doug eiffel #hera wolf 359 #wolf 359 #w359 #hera w359 #daniel jacobi #warren kepler #wolf 359 spoilers #wolf359 hera #hera wolf359 #dear listeners #wolf359 reactions #wolf359 reaction #wolf359 podcast #marcus cutter #miranda pryce #Reinmann wolf359 #wolf 359 reaction #Rachel young

[leqclerc]

Deep down I would still really love seeing charles winning in ferrari instead of changing teams, but it doesn't feel like there's any hope honestly.

like, before was "next year is our year" but now even next year already seems doomed

https://twitter.com/FUnoAT/status/1667556319463702533?t=W3fsCNE2itVZqVKqw1AGbg&s=19

Oh no gang 🤐 I remember seeing a tweet or something saying June is likely going to be crunch time at Ferrari when it comes to preparation for 2024. I know Fred's been trying to poach staff where he can, especially engineers, and I know some of them have been released/are due to finish their gardening period soon, but there have also been setbacks, and ultimately I don't think he ended up getting the guys he was after, certainly not all of them. I'm really hoping next year's project is a step in the right direction, but there's no denying they're in a difficult place right now so it could really go either way. With how strong (and most importantly stable) Red Bull's situation looks, with Aston's facilities and upgrade packages, and with Mercedes seemingly starting to steer the ship in the right direction once again, Ferrari are definitely on the back foot.

Also, being in the middle of a little nostalgia fest right now and looking back at content from 2019, particularly the interviews and longer feature docus centered around Charles... a lot of the magic of the time stemmed from the fact that he was so young and on the rise. I mean, his second year in F1 overall and his debut season in Ferrari and he already showed so much promise and talent and determination. I think he was really this injection of new youthful energy into the team, into the Tifosi as a whole (even Seb called this "new beginning" with Charles joining the team one of the best moments of his Ferrari career, which is huge). Up to that point Ferrari had generally banked on established drivers, often champions. And here's a young hotshot who doesn't yet know the taste of winning and has this fervent desire to experience it in red. He had a clear goal in sight and he pursued it relentlessly, even if it meant getting caught up in questionable on-track situations. There was maybe a bit of naivety in that, but also a lot of boldness and tenacity that can only come from being young and wanting to prove yourself. Add to that a dash of his penchant for self-criticism, and you can totally see why the world was so swept up in the rookie Ferrari driver's story, why he became the main subject of character study fics at the time. It was fascinating. Like, sometimes, more than anything, I would just love to be able to go back and experience all of that again, just live in that brief moment in time when it really seemed like the only way is up and things can only get better.

But now we're halfway through 2023. 2019 was, somehow, unbelievably, already four years ago. And the story that was supposed to be filled with success and victories has been marred by misfortune and subpar machinery. Now he's no longer a 21-year old sensation winning in Monza, but just another title-less driver in their 20s trying to do the best with what they've got. His career has pretty much stalled and he's being increasingly criticized more than he's being praised (not that he escaped criticism in 2019-20, far from it, but there's a little bit of leniency to be found when someone's young and starting out, or when they can respond to this criticism with a win because the facilities are there). From being called the "Vettel Slayer" or whatever, to being ranked on par with or even below Carlos. What was once an engrossing clash of young generational talents (Silverstone 2019, anyone?) has become a completely unfair, skewed comparison that is ultimately used to portray Charles in a negative light. So the whole thing has lost its shine a bit, and what started out as a journey full of hope and potential is now increasingly turning into a drawn-out tragicomedy.

And obviously the disappointing, frustrating thing is that it's largely down to circumstance and whatever the hell is going on internally within that team that's preventing them from performing at their best. The stats are bleak, and it's so frustrating to know that the results table on Wikipedia or any other site aren't a genuine reflection of his talent and abilities, but they're ultimately what people remember and choose to base their perception of a driver on. Objectively he's still young and he can still go far, but equally, this sport can be ruthless and cruel and success is hard to reach if the stars don't align. Statistically speaking, he's got about ten years left in his career as a full-time driver, give or take. Fernando's more of an exception than the rule, and there's even less Lewises out there (having his most successful run in his 30s, so in the back half of his career.) Then again, even if the Mercedes stint had completely not worked out for him, he still wouldn't be going home empty-handed, because he was already crowned champion once before he joined. I think that frees you up, mentally and otherwise, to focus on other pursuits. Crossing that threshold and getting your first championship is always the hardest step. The thought of Charles never finding out what that feels like and being left to wonder what could have been is really hard to take. :/

#replies #anonymous #alexa play wasting my young years by london grammar 😭😭😭😭 #very very sorry about the long and unwarranted rant im just in feels recently :< #it's so hard rewatching say 2019 interviews or hell even hearing the commentary during sessions #and how they always talk about charles getting a title like it's a sure thing and merely a matter of time #and maybe that can still prove to be true but at the moment things look pretty bleak esp in terms of winning with ferrari #it's depressing to know just how many pieces of the puzzle have to fall into place for a driver to clinch a title these days #and seeing how ferrari doesn't seem to know how to find their way back to consistently winning.......... one fear #charles leclerc #discussions and predictions #long post