#almost like 3 days i think i’m horrible at taking care of myself i’m horrible at keeping up with people no matter how much i care

[pessimisticprincess]

its honestly so pathetic how hard i struggle to keep up with everything down to the most basic things and i just wonder when or how that gets better

#i can’t keep up with my bills i’m literally ruining my credit being forgetful my apartment is a mess i just realized i havent eaten in #almost like 3 days i think i’m horrible at taking care of myself i’m horrible at keeping up with people no matter how much i care #i feel like using work as an excuse isn’t valid for how badly i’m doing with everything plenty of people work this much and do fine #i have so many days off bc the long days when i do work like why am i not getting better? #all i do is mess everything up and miss things #i’m so fucking bad at being a person its a waste to know me #genuinely dont know how much longer i can live like this but also really dont know what to do #its truly a shame that i’m in charge of my own life i feel like all i do is wait for everything to end

[shu-porang-porang]

Love Me Until I Love Myself

♡♡♡ Minho wants to make sure you know he loves you ♡♡♡

Pairs: Lee Minho (Lee Know) / fem!reader

Rating: Explicit

Theme: Angst, Fluff, Smut, 18+ NO MINORS.

Warnings: oral (female receiving), fingering, nipple play, unprotected sex (do not try at home!), reader is insecure and doesn't like herself

Word count: 3 k

You and your boyfriend are on the ride back home from an awards show after party. It was exhausting. You used to think they must be fun, getting to chat and party with celebrities, but nope. You’re not built for this. You wonder how he could do it, especially after performing those taxing choreos. You could never. All night he was so bubbly and cheerful, while you tried to hide in shadows and attract as little attention as possible. Well, it’s not like people cared about you anyway, you were an outsider, a peasant who was offered a chance at a royal ball.

Halfway through it you questioned why you even accepted to participate, and then right away, you remembered why. Another girl approached him, congratulating him on their win and talking about memories you weren’t a part of, laughing at inside jokes you couldn’t understand. Of course, he would be comfortable with these girls, they’re coworkers after all! He’s known some of them for ages, way before you guys met, and of course you had no right to tell him to stay away from them or anything. The best you could do was to stick around, so the girls were aware of you as his girlfriend, or he knew you were there, lest he decided to do something naughty with one of them...

You know you’re being unreasonable; you know he’s loyal, and they’re just friends, some of them are even like his little sisters, but you can’t get these thoughts out of your head. Your insecurities won’t let you. After all, those girls are famous idols, loved by millions, always so dolled up and pretty, acting cute and shit. You think it’s just a matter of time before Minho realizes the timid plain you ain’t good enough for a star like him. Although he always fondly smiles at your dorky made up dance moves, you think some performer who could actually dance and shared his passion for dancing would be more appealing to him. You feel you lack a lot, and you can’t justify why someone like him would be interested in someone like you.

You feel pathetic. You let out a sigh subconsciously and Minho gently puts a hand on your thigh, asking if you’re ok. You reply with a nod and a weak smile. You’re afraid if you try to talk, tears may spill. His hand remains on your thigh, so you hold it to calm yourself down. His soft hand that you love so much. You love everything about him, you’re crazy about him. You wish you didn’t love him so much, then he couldn’t one day break your heart. You wish you were another person, well, you wished that almost your entire life until you met him. Having him, convinced you that you were alright, the person who you were and hated for so long, was the same person who got you to him, so it was alright. But here you are again, doubting yourself. You think you’re just broken and can never be fully fixed. So maybe it wouldn’t be fair to expect him to stick with you…

You arrive at Minho’s place. You moved in with him a few months back, so it’s technically your place too, but you don’t dare to indulge yourself in that idea, you think you don’t deserve it, you’ll lose it soon, so better to not get attached, but it’s already too late.

Home, at last. As soon as you enter, you are greeted by the cats. Minho picks one up cooing at it. You walk past by him into the bedroom. You just wanna rid yourself of the party attire and go to sleep, right now the only thing that could stop your train of horrible thoughts is sleep.

Minho joins you soon after, walks towards you and wraps his arms around you from behind as you’re taking your jewelry off in front of the mirror. He nuzzles his nose against your neck, inhaling your scent.

“Hey let go, I’m tired. Just wanna get out of this dress and go to bed.”

“But I want you to stay in this dress a bit longer. You looked so pretty tonight, babe” he leaves kisses on your exposed shoulder that make your breath hitch in your throat. But you’re still upset about the bleak night you had.

“Oh, is that why you spent the whole time talking to other girls while I was sitting right there?” Your bottled up emotions force you to blurt out.

He lifts his head up, looking you in the eyes through the mirror. His expression is baffled, he’s trying to figure out what he did wrong.

“What are you talking about? I thought we had a nice time there!”

“Well, you obviously had, giggling with them all night.”

You try to break free from his arms but he won’t budge.

“Hey! You’re not going anywhere until you tell me what’s exactly wrong.”

You try to form sentences that would explain why you’re feeling like this, but you feel stupid for bringing it up in the first place. You break into tears as you’re tired and helpless and don’t even know how to make sense of your feelings. Silent tears start streaming down your cheeks, you’re never one to sob loudly. Worries written all over his face.

“Baby tell me. What did I do? Did someone say something to you?”

You shake your head “no”. He lifts you up and carries you to bed, sitting you on his lap. You show no resistance, your hands are balled up on your lap and your head is down, trying to cover your crying face with the lose strands of your hair, which he tucks behind your ear immediately. His thumb is caressing your tear-stricken cheek. His other hand is soothingly massaging your thigh.

“It’s okay baby, you can talk to me. Please. It really hurts me to see you like this and not be able to do anything about it. Tell me what’s wrong sweetie. We’re gonna fix it together.”

You don’t wanna hurt him. Hurting him is the last thing you would do. So, you try to fight the tears and speak.

“I… seeing you tonight… the girls all pretty and talented… the things you have in common… how close you are… I wonder… how long… till you realize……….”

“Till I realize what baby?”

“I’m not… good enough” your voice is shaky, again on the verge of tears.

He’s in disbelief. His mouth slightly agape in shock. His grip on your waist tightens.

“Why would you even think that?” he says as if asking himself, not really waiting for a response from you.

His brows are furrowed. He’s thinking to himself.

“I get it now. You were sitting right there, and I kept talking to other people as if you weren’t. But I just thought you weren’t taking part in conversations coz you didn’t want to be bothered… but you actually felt excluded from them. Is that right?”

“Almost. That alone wasn’t a problem, but it made me think you deserve to be with someone who’s more like them and less like me…”

“Woah! Where did you get that from?”

“You’re too good for me… it can’t be right. I’m afraid you’re wasting your time with me…”

“Hey! You don’t get to decide that for me! Do you think I couldn’t have any of those girls if I wanted? The thing is, I don’t want them, I want you.”

“Why do you even love me? Even I can’t love myself…”

“Where should I begin? I love everything about you, and I make that my first priority from now on, to make you see all the things I love in you, and to make you love them too.” He finishes his sentence with a soft kiss on your collarbone.

He plants a few more kisses on the expanse of your chest before pulling back and looking into your glossy eyes. You give him a thankful smile as your hands reach for his nape and pull him in for a kiss. His lips feel like heaven against yours, soft and plump. The kiss starts with languid movements of your mouths. Neither of you are in a hurry, you both need to savor this moment. He drags his tongue on your bottom lip and you let it in. As your tongues are dancing, the temperature rises. His hand that was on your waist, travels up to grope at your clothed breast, the other hand is tangled in your hair, keeping your head in place for him to abuse your lips.

He lays you on your back on the bed, momentarily disconnecting your lips which makes you whimper in loss. It encourages him to get back to kissing with even more fervor. His hands are pulling the straps of your dress down, trying to gain access to your breasts. He trails kisses down your jaw and across the column of your neck, to your shoulders and collarbone. They alternate between feather like pecks to purplish hickeys. He can’t decide what he wants. He wants it all, he wants all of you, he can’t get enough.

He stops to admire his work of art. A hand cups your cheek gently which you lean into, closing your eyes.

“You’re so perfect baby,” He plants a kiss to your forehead. “Even in my wildest imaginations I couldn’t picture someone this pretty,” Another kiss to your nose. “Inside and out.”

You open your eyes to see his lovingly stare back. You pull him in for another taste of his lips.

“So, do you still wanna get rid of this dress?”

“I do, if you want to.”

“As gorgeous as you look, I can’t wait to see what’s underneath.”

He takes it off and your left in nothing but your black lace panties. You tug at his dress shirt, signaling him to take it off too, which he complies, followed by the unbuckling of his belt and his pants follow suit.

“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, I want you to never forget that.” He says as he hovers over you once again. You open your arms to invite him into your hug. He lowers his body onto yours, slightly circling his hips against your crotch. You feel him twitch in his boxers.

“We don’t have to do it if you’re not in the mood, you know.” He says searching your eyes.

“I want it baby, I need you, I really do.” You say as your hands are mapping his toned chest.

With a little smirk on his lips, he goes back to business. He kisses your chest, right above your racing heart, then latches his mouth to your left nipple. He sucks and bites at it till its raw, while trying to give the same amount of attention to the right one between his fingers. You squirm beneath him as your nipples get too sensitive and can’t handle more. He gets the cue and snaps out of his uncontrollable desire to ruin them. Instead, he gives them both kitten licks and pecks in turn, to compensate for the rough treatment they just received.

Moving down your naval, he’s all soft and sweet with butterfly kisses, loving pecks and whispering sweet nothings in between. He’s slotted between your thighs as he reaches your core. Eyes darting up to ask for your permission one last time before he’s completely unstoppable. You give him a nod and he places a kiss to your clothed mound. He teases by nudging his nose to your clit and licking a stripe from your hole to it. Tasting the arousal leaking through the fabric, he lets out a satisfied hum that sends shivers up your spine. You’re growing impatient but he’s taking his sweet time with peppering your inner thighs with kisses and hickeys. You feel more of your juices flowing out and you buck your hips up.

“Stay still princess. Let me take care of you, hm?”

“Minho… please…” You whine. You trust him that he’ll take good care of you, but you can’t wait anymore.

He finally gets rid of your panties and the cool air hits your pussy, followed by warm puffs of his breath.

“So pretty… all mine” He says before diving down and starting to make out with your pussy lips. The lewd noises that fill the room make you forget why you were even upset earlier. The only thing you don’t like about this moment is how little pressure he’s putting on your clit, enough to keep your juices flowing, but not enough to make them gush out all at once. You’re a moaning mess, your fingers pulling at his roots, trying to keep his face close to your core. He’s finally sucking at your clit, suddenly the pleasure gets overwhelming as he inserts two fingers inside you. You feel the knot in your stomach tightening to a snap. A few more strokes of his tongue and your coming undone. Your thighs shake around his head, one of his hands comes up to fondle your breast, his mouth still attached to your core, drinking the elixir of life straight from the fountain. He waits for you to ride your orgasm before he crawls back on top and gives you a taste of yourself. His mouth and chin are glistening with your juices. What a sight to see! You feel extremely lucky to be the one who caused this scene.

“That was …amazing… Thank you” you say while trying to find the normal rhythm of your breath.

“I told you I know how to take care of my girl.”

“Now it’s your turn.” You push him on his back and now you’re on top.

First thing you do is taking his boxers off and finally freeing his aching cock. You wonder how he managed to focus on pleasuring you while he was this hard. The sight alone makes you all turned on again. You thought you’d need more time to build a second orgasm, but you’re already throbbing.

Now it’s your turn to mark him, to shower him with kisses, to try and pour as much love as possible onto your every touch. Starting from the sensitive spot on his neck, you know you can’t mark him here, still you suck it a bit harsher than you should. You leave open-mouthed kisses all over his chest and where it is safe, give him a few hickeys too. You lovingly kiss the scar on his abdomen, the fact that it’s another thing that only a few have seen and you’re one of those few, is really endearing to you.

His member is twitching between your bodies. You slide your wet pussy on it, earning a groan from him. You decide he deserves a quicker release, so you stop grinding to hold it and align it with your entrance but he stops you.

“Wait baby. Let me do it.” He says as he’s stopping your hips from moving.

You’re confused but you go with it. He gets on top again.

“Tonight is about showing my baby how much I love her.” He says with a fond smile.

“I wanna make sure everything feels good for you.” He puts a pillow under your hips to gain a better angle. He inserts the two fingers from before in your pussy, checking how wet you are and scissoring them to loosen the muscles.

“Minnie I’m fine… it’s not my first time…” you try to say in between gasps as his fingers alone are doing wonders inside of you.

“Oh but it is sweetheart. I’m gonna love you all over again.” He inserts a third finger.

“Gonna make sure to give you all the love you deserve.”

He clashes his lips to yours as he replaces his fingers with the tip of his cock. The stretch is pleasant, you want more of it. You moan in his mouth as he slowly inches inside you until he finally bottoms out. He stays still, your warmth engulfing him, turns his brains to mush.

He whispers in your ear: “I love you so much”

He starts moving as he nibs at your earlobe, giving you words of praise now and then. Your arms wrap impossibly tight around his shoulders, leaving no space between your chests.

He slowly picks up his pace. Your nails are digging to his biceps now. Beautiful moans fill the room. His lips won’t leave your skin for more than 3 seconds. He pats down your left arm till he reaches your hand and your fingers intertwine as if they have brains of their own. He pins it above your head and his other hand is beside your head, supporting his weight as his movements get faster and less precise.

“ ’m close…” you manage to let out.

“Go ahead… I’m right… behind you”

A few more thrusts and you’re second orgasm hits you as your head falls back and your eyes screw shut, his name like a prayer on your lips. You’ve made a habit out of saying his name every time you came or it wouldn’t feel right.

As your walls convulse around him, he can’t hold it back anymore. Ropes of white hot liquid paint your walls. He collapses on top of you. He tries to pull out but you stop him.

“Wanna stay connected to you a bit more…” You wish you could merge with him into one person, but having him inside a bit longer, would do too.

His head finds its place in the crook of your neck. One of your hands is in his hair and the other is resting on his back. You whisper a “I love you” to his hair and kiss the top of his head and he lets out a sigh. You don’t want this moment to end. If he can love you this much, maybe you should give it a try too.

#lee know smut #lee know #lee know x reader #lee know fluff #lee know imagines #lee know drabbles #stray kids smut #lee know angst #stray kids drabbles #stray kids fluff #stray kids fanfic #stray kids #kpop fanfic #skz #skz drabbles #skz imagines #kpop #kpop smut #stray kids angst #lee minho fluff #lee minho smut #lee minho x reader #lee minho stray kids #lee minho skz

[daydreamingyuta]

Haechan #1 and #11 pls! Maybe a friends to lovers scenario???

Listen to Me | Haechan

Genre: Romance, Fluff, Angst

Word Count: 925

Prompts: #1 "I couldn't be more in love with you." and #11 "It's two in the morning, why are you here?"

A/N:  Thank you for requesting!! I feel like I haven't wrote a Haechan fic in forever and I've missed it! I hope you like it <3

As you've just finished washing your face, your phone lights up with a call from your bestfriend, Haechan. He knows how long of a day it's been for you and he's calling just so you can rant to him about everything.

"Hey Haechan." you say as you answer the call.

"I wish you would listen to me more y/n." He says. He's told you this a thousand times and every time you wish you had actually followed his advice.

"I know." You say quietly, holding in your tears the best you can.

"I can spot a horrible guy before you can, you know that. Please y/n, next time I tell you not to start seeing someone, please listen to me. I hate seeing you get hurt like this."

Of course you knew this to be true. He had told you about this guy months before you started to go out with him, but still, your heart got the best of you and you didn't listen to your bestfriend once again.

The thing was though, you weren't even serious about this guy. You're not even that hurt about the whole situation. What's really bothering you is that you know Haechan is always right about these kinds of things, and you still never listen. You're so tired to getting yourself into these situations. And for some reason, hearing him say this to you again, was hitting you so hard this time.

You start to vent all of these feelings to him. It's really what you needed at the moment, and he knows that. Sometimes you just need someone to listen to you, and Haechan is always there for you.

"I just don't know why I always do this. I wish I didn't feel so unloveable sometimes. And I wish I didn't put myself in these situations time and time again."

Talking to him always makes you feel better, but for some reason tonight was a little different. The whole time you just felt like crying. You never cry in front of him, you never cry in front of anyone really. So when you felt the tears coming, you knew you had to end the phone call.

"Haechan, I think I'm gonna go. But thank you so much for always being here for me." You hang up before he could say his goodbye, the tears already starting to fall.

Haechan could hear it in your voice that you weren't alright. And you hanging up was very odd of you to do.

He went back and forth in his mind about how he could help you. He knew that you were fully capable to taking care of yourself, and sometimes all you need is to be alone, but the fact that you called yourself unloveable wasn't sitting right with him.

If you only knew how he felt about you. If you only knew just how loved you already were. This is what causes him to finally decide to go to your place, and be with you in person.

⸻

You've almost fallen asleep when you hear a knock at your door. You almost don't answer it, but then you get a text from Haechan asking you to let him in.

You open the door, but don't let him in right away. "Haechan, it's two in the morning, why are you here?"

“I just need to make sure that you’re ok.”

“Yeah, I’m fine. I just needed to vent.”

“You’re not unloveable y/n.”

It takes you a minute to process what he's saying. You don't really know how to respond to that. You nod your head a little, but you're not making eye contact with him and he can tell that you don't believe him.

"I love you y/n. You have to know that by now."

"Yeah, I love you too Haechan, you're my bestfriend."

He makes that face he always makes when he gets a little frustrated as he walks into your apartment. "I just wish you would choose guys that see how amazing you are."

"Me too Haechan, but I swear guys like that don't exist."

“...I do.” Haechan says, closing the gap in between you two.

“Yeah but you could never like me. I don’t even come close to the girls you go out with.” You say, quietly because Haechan's sudden closeness is making you question what you just said.

“no.. y/n. You’re so wrong. I couldn’t be more in love with you. So don’t even think that you’re unloveable because I’ve been crazy about you for so long now.”

You don’t know how to process this new information. Everything he's saying is sudden, but at the same time not sudden at all. You've always secretly longed for Haechan, but you have never allowed it to become more than just a silly little daydream. But now, Haechan's so close to you, looking at you with those eyes, and it's making the butterflies in your stomach go crazy.

He's not going to make a move until you do, the decision is yours. Your heart is racing but your mind couldn't be more clear. Maybe he was expecting you to kiss him, but instead you wrap your arms around him in a hug. You almost think that he’s not going to hug you back, but then he wraps his arms around you and comforts you in the warmest hug.

His hugs have always been special to you. Given at just the right time, when you need comfort the most. Both your minds might be racing from what was just said, but for right now all you two wanted to do was be in each others arms.

#haechan #nct #nct 127 #nct dream #fluff #angst #drabble #k-pop #imagine #nct scenarios #haechan x y/n #haechan x reader #fanfic #nct 127 fanfic #nct dream fanfic

[chaseatlanticslut]

The time is now

So I know a lot of y’all have prob been in the manifestation and/or shifting community for a hot minute, most of us a year or more. (Trust me, I’ve been in the shifting community for 3 years and the Law of Assumption community for 2 years, 3 if you count the horrible yet canon event of Law of Attraction 💀). So it’s been a while and I know how you feel. Don’t worry, you’re not alone. But at one point or another, you need to get out of the victim mindset and own up to why you haven’t manifested your desires, entered the void state, or shifted after a year or more of having a plethora of knowledge at your disposal. I’m applying this to myself as well, so don’t think I’m attacking anyone or being hypocritical. But in all seriousness, when is the last time you really tried? Be honest. And I don’t mean when’s the last time you said affirmations here and there for a few days and didn’t persist or live in the end for a substantial amount of time. Or that time you “thought” about shifting right before you rolled over and went to sleep without setting so much as an intention. But here’s the thing, I’m not telling you to try harder or do more, not in the slightest, because shifting and manifesting and entering the void state is supposed to be simple and easy if you accept that fact and let it. No, the advice and wake up call I’m trying to give is, put in a little more effort, have an INTENTION, and stop being lazy. Like seriously. Aren’t you TIRED???? Aren’t you done living this bullshit life and circumstances and not having your manifestations you dreamed so hard for? Aren’t you tired of not shifting and living in your dream desired reality doing whatever the hell you want?? Aren’t you tired of not waking up in the void state and waking up to the same lifestyle? Aren’t you sick of it? Then do something about it. We are almost done with 2023. 2024 is right around the corner. No way we’re letting YET ANOTHER year pass us by without accomplishing what we’ve been trying to do, and what we came here to do. Enough is enough. You are manifesting your dream life, you are shifting, and you are waking up in the void state or all of the above if you’re like me. I don’t care what you have to do. I’m so tired of y’all not living your dream lives like in what universe do you think that’s okay or acceptable bc it’s not. I know for some of you it’s been so long you don’t see the point and it’s hard to stay disciplined or motivated. So in the comments section anyone that needs to be kicked in gear daily until you get your shit needs to comment and I want all of you to hold yourselves accountable. Someone commented they want to shift to their Hogwarts DR? Okay, remind them every single day to shift and not stop until they do, and let that serve as a reminder to you as well. Ofc if you need to take breaks you always should do that, but if you’re in the right frame of mind to keep going and not stop, do it. The time is now. No more procrastinating. No more “I’ll wake up in the void tomorrow” no bitch DO IT TODAY. Goddamn it. This is your LIFE we’re talking about not a game and you think it’s okay to postpone your desires for another minute??! Hell no. Get off your ass and do what you need to do. Hold yourself accountable to the best of your abilities. Stop complaining about it bc all that time you used to complain could’ve been used to affirm or focus on your shifting or void state self concept, whatever steps it may be to lead you closer to your end goal. I know you’re tired and drained fucking trust me I know how hard the journey has been, but maybe it wouldn’t have been so hard if we had just buckled down from the start and done what we needed to do and figured out what worked best for us and stopped listening to people that are close minded with limiting ass beliefs. So from this point on, starting IMMEDIATELY, you are not going to waste another day. Haven’t tried to shift in over a year and a half like me? (I took a “shifting break” in May 2022💀), or however long it’s been?

Idc, looks like tonight’s your night and every single night after until you fucking shift. Haven’t tried to enter or wake up in the void state for a hot minute? (I stopped in July bc it was low key ruining my mental health the way I was obsessing over it). Oh, cool, looks like you and I are attempting tonight no ifs ands or buts. NONE. Consider this a challenge. It’s called “Get your desires before 2024” if you’re manifesting, “Tap in the void state before 2024” if you’re trying to enter the void state and manifest your dream life that way, or “Reality shift before 2024” if you’re shifting. It’s early November and if we really persist the entire time this is more than achievable. So, the only rules for this is to either in the comments section of this post or in your own separate post you’re going to document your journey from here on out and update once you’ve finally done it. Every single day (unless ofc like I said you need a break or life happens and you for whatever reason can’t, I get it shit happens lol). I’ll even be doing it with you, so stay tuned for that. No more over consuming info you already fucking know. Use all your free time you possible can or just utilize night time wisely if you only do shit before bed. We’re done. We’re getting our shit. And if you don’t participate I will personally come over and beat your ass bc YOU DESERVE TO LIVE YOUR DREAM LIFE not daydream about it, not sit around wising and hoping for it but actually fucking living it. And idc what I have to do to get the message across. So with that being said, do the “challenge” or however you want to view it and I love you and you got this. 💕

#reality shifting #law of assumption #manifesation #loassumption #void state

[exopstronum]

His wife

Summary: Charles's wife has a crash in one of her races.

Warnings: none, just the angst of the crash. Ah, and just in case, English is not my first lenguage, so I'm sorry if there are too many mistakes. 

Pairing: Charles Leclerc x Reader (Lena)

Word count: 2.4k

|||||||

Cloudy and foggy days were the worst to compete in. It was not just the dangerousness that came with it, it was as well the anxiety and nervousness of driving like this. Besides the fact that I never had to race on a day like this one. However, today the director was as stubborn as never.

I mean, I understand it somehow because it was the Grand Prix of England and we all know how big it is and how difficult it is to organize it. Yet, they had to know how dangerous this is and the consequences that could bring.

It was my second season in Formula 2, me being the first woman to compete here. I couldn’t be more proud of myself for this, but in this case it was when I was afraid of doing my job. Racing usually meant adrenaline and happiness to me, but on this occasion, I didn’t feel either of them.

Even if everyone could see how anxious I was, I think that Charles was feeling twice as anxious as I felt.

Charles Leclerc. I met him at one of the Formula 3 parties and he was the nicest person I’ve ever talked to. He’s, with my family, my biggest supporter and defender. I literally lost count of how many fights he had with people because of defending me from the masochist people, that sadly this sport was full of them. He’s so sweet and I know how lucky I am for being capable of having him as my husband.

Yes, my husband. We have known each other for almost 5 years, we raced together in Formula 3 and 2 and this year, Charles proposed. It was the cutest thing ever, he did it on his yacht in Monaco, with the sunset as the background.

He never failed at coming to my races to support me, just as I never failed to be there in his. Nevertheless, I think that I considered at least five times to tell him to not come anymore. He always felt more worried and nervous than I, feeling tense all the way until I finished racing. I’m actually worried that someday medics would need to help him breath because I’ve seen videos of him during my races and I swear that he doesn’t fucking breaths until I cross the final line.

So, you can imagine how he was today.

I mean, his wife was about to race in horrible weather. It was understandable.

“They have to suspend it! Have you seen the fucking day!?” he was nervously talking, almost screaming, at some Formula 2 staff. We were in my driver room and in five minutes I had to get out to go to my car.

“Love, it is the fifth time you told them this. If the director wants to do the race, I doubt that someone can convince him otherwise.” I talked him off, trying to free the Formula 2 workers that weren’t guilty of anything. He clenched his jaw and sighed, going back to walk in circles. I sent the workers an apologetic smile and closed the door, swallowing.

“They shouldn’t let this happen. Fuck.” he growled, sitting in the chair and taking his hair frustrated. I knelt down in front of him, cupped his cheeks and angled his face to look at me. 

“Le, you know that I will be fine. And if something goes wrong, you know that there are thousands of people there to help. It’s okay.” I mumbled and he sighed again, hugging me softly and putting his head on my shoulder, slowly rubbing my hair. I relaxed into him.

“I’m sorry, you know how nervous your races make me. Just promise me that you will be careful and that if you feel that something is wrong, you will get out.” he said, breaking apart and taking my cheeks in his hands, caressing one of them with his finger. I closed my eyes and nodded. “I need words, love.”

“Yes, I promise. I will be fine.” I answered, hugging him one last time after hearing my race engineer, Mark, knocking the door and screaming to me to get out. ------- “Here, this is Mark. Radio check. Do you copy?” Mark said, verifying the communication in the earpiece.

“Yes, yes, I copy. Everything is fine, I hear you perfectly.” I answered, biting my lip and grabbing even tightly the wheel. It was already difficult to see the fucking lights of the car in front of all of us.

This is going to end bad.

“There is no way that they canceled it now, right?” I asked, doing the formation lap, hitting the pedal softly to get into positions. I could see the turns just right, but I couldn’t see two cars ahead of me and that was dangerous as hell.

“No, I’m sorry.” he answered and I heard the pity in his voice. “Charles is literally dying here. I’ve never seen him this nervous.”

“Okay, I need you to focus.” he said, after some moments of silence, when we were getting close to the starter line. I let out a big sigh. “5. 4. 3. 2. 1. Lights out!” I hit the pedal as fast as I could, letting myself be in complete control.

Please let everything end fine for everyone. ------- Charles always preferred to see the races of his wife in the stands, loving to mix with the fans and celebrate when she won. However, this time, he was in the pits, anxiously biting all of his nails. He was with the Ferrari team, watching on the screen how his girl drove perfectly.

  And, thank God, this time they let him have one of the headset. It was an uncertain day and the man had begged them since she left. He felt calmed hearing her voice just fine.

“Lena, we are going to try to overtake P4.” Charles furrowed his eyes. It was a dangerous move. And more taking into account the weather.

“Are you sure? I’m not that close.” she answered.

“Yes, go. In the next turn, speed up and go through the inside.” He had to clench his jaw to not say anything. Even if they were putting his wife in danger, he couldn’t really opine, they would probably kick him out.

With his shoulders tensed, he watched how Lena tried to do what her team had said. And she almost succeeded. However, when she was about to completely overtake P4, the other car slightly touched her back, making her lose control of the car. She went out of the track, but managed to go back as fast as she could.

  “FUCK!” Charles flinched hearing her wife’s anger, but he was angry as well. It was a bad move. “There is something wrong with the goddammit tyres.” she growled and Leclerc could hear the concern in her voice. Charles felt how his pulse went up fast.

Please let everything be fine.

“Fuck, you are about two laps to get to pits. Think you can hold it?” Mark talked and Charles had to clench his teeth to not scream to get her out.

“I can’t hear you well. Repeat.” her voice was faltering and the last word she said sounded robotic. Now was the moment when the man felt sick. It was one thing that the tires or the communication failed and it was another thing that both of them failed at the same time.

Please somebody tell me that this is a horrible joke.

“Hey, hey, we are losing you, fuck!” Mark screamed and her answer couldn’t be understood. That was when they saw her car get out of the way. “LENA?!” her car crashed against one of the walls after spinning a couple of times. Smoke immediately started to get out of the car.

The Ferrari team became a mess of screams, curses and panic. He swore that he felt how his heart stopped. He couldn’t breathe. His girl. Fuck. Before thinking about it, he ran.

The crash was in the second turn of the circuit, so it wasn't that far away. Charles had never run so fast in his life. He needed her to be fine, he couldn't lose his wife.

  Some marshals were already surrounding the car. They tried to stop him, but he didn't pay attention to any of them. At that moment, he didn't care about the consequences that his actions could have.

We were talking about his wife for Christ's sake.

  He observed how a marshal took his wife out of the car; they put her in the ground and softly took out her helmet. She was conscious, but at the same time no. The girl's face was pale and she had an expression of pain that broke Charles's heart.

  “LENA?!” he screamed, running and kneeling at her side, desperation soothing his tone. Lena glanced at him, confused. He took one of her hands in his, but some seconds after, the girl blacked out. “What is wrong with her?” he asked, with his eyes teary.

  “She seems to have a slight concussion and there is something wrong in her stomach. We will take her to the medical center, Ms. Leclerc. Are you going to come with us?”

“Of course.” ------- Everything went black for a couple of seconds. I couldn’t see, couldn’t hear, the only thing she could do was smell smoke. And that was wrong. My head hurt like a bitch and I couldn’t set my thoughts straight.

Everything was a mess.

It took at least a minute or two for me to be completely conscious.

I need to get out.

But my body didn’t answer me.

“Help, help.” I barely mumbled, feeling too tired to move. There was a ringing sound in my ear, where the earpiece should be. I took it out, but this movement made me groan in pain. I tried to scream, but I ended up coughing, filling my lungs with smoke.

Fuck. FUCK.

I grabbed myself from the sides of the cars, trying to get fucking out. The helmet was doing everything more difficult, but I knew that I needed it. My arms were shaking just like my legs and I didn’t have enough strength to get out.

My head hurt and everything was fuzzy; I felt everything just spine around.

I’m going to fucking die in here.

“Ms Leclerc? Can you answer me?”

Did I start to imagine voices already? I must have a bad concussion then.

Wait. I had to answer. Or was it just a voice in my head?

Some arms grabbed me and managed to get me softly out of the car.

The light of everything was overwhelming, making me close her eyes. I started to cough uncontrollably and I could barely feel her legs.

“Ms Leclerc, I need you to stay awake.” one of the marshals said to me, but I barely heard him. My ears were still ringing and there was a deep pain in my stomach that had me almost crying.

People kept talking to me, but I couldn’t hear them. I was too focused trying to not close my eyes. I knew that after such a bad crush, the last thing I should do was to fall asleep. But the pain and tiredness were making everything too difficult.

“LENA?!” a voice that I knew very well yelled and suddenly, Charles was in front of me. The only thing I could notice about him with my blurred sight was that his eyes seemed to be teary. Was I raving again? What was Charles doing here? The only energy that I had left drained and I finally felt everything turn into black.

When I woke up again, the light blinded me for a moment, making my head hurt. After my sight finally got used to the lights, I blinked a couple of times trying to identify where I was and what had happened.

“Hello, Ms Leclerc. How are you feeling?” I flinched when a doctor suddenly entered the room.

“I’m okay, just achy.” I mumbled, biting my lip. The doctor in front of me nodded, smiling.

“Well, that’s a relief. As a proceed, I need to ask some questions to make sure that you didn’t hurt your head really badly, alright?” I nodded. “Okay, let’s start with something simple. What’s your complete name?”

“Lena Leclerc Jackson.”

“Birthday?”

“14th of March.”

“Where are you from?”

“Vancouver, Canada.”

“What day is it today?”

“Sunday, 21th of July.”

“What happened to you?” I stayed silent for a couple of seconds, trying to remember. Then, all the images of my crash came into my mind and I swallowed.

  “I crashed. One of the other cars touched my back, I don't know which one. I hit my head and stomach.”

  “Okay, Ms Leclerc, yes, you are right. However, it seems that everything is just fine. Thanks to the security of the car, you didn’t have that many injuries; you had a slight concussion and there is only one big bruise in the stomach, that was almost a broken rib. And you have a couple of cuts and other bruises. Other than that, it was just the shock of the situation. You are now in the medics center on the stadium. It was not necessary to get you to the hospital.”

My body was filled with relief after hearing those words.

“Thank you, Doctor. Can I get going now?” I asked impatiently and the man chuckled.

“Indeed, Ms Leclerc. But, your husband will help you to go back just in case.”

 After saying this, he walked out and let Charles enter.

“Oh my God, you are okay.” he rushed out, running to me and hugging me softly. For the first time in hours, I relaxed in my husband’s arms, sighing.

“I’m sorry Le.” I mumbled with tears in my eyes. The man shook his head and smiled, looking straight into my lovely eyes.

“It’s okay, amore. It was just really scary.” Suddenly, his smile disappeared and it was replaced by a scowl. “That was a bad move. A horrible move from your team.” he almost growled, with his jaw clenched. I sighed and nodded.

“I know. But they are my strategy team, you know? Can’t really go against them.” I mumbled, feeling the sadness and frustration of the fact that now, my team lost a lot of points and this race was now out of my league.

“I’m going to talk to them.” I shook her head.

“No. Don’t, Charles. I can fix this on my own, you know that this is not your problem.” I answered, glaring at my husband, who sighed.

“Fine.” he answered, rolling his eyes, but hearing his wife.

#charles leclerc #charles leclerc x reader #f1 #formula 1 #crash

[my-castles-crumbling]

I made a huge mistake almost a whole year ago and I still think about it all of the time.

I was working with this new staff member… and I did the worst thing anyone could do and assumed their pronouns… I was using the wrong pronouns for weeks until my sister told me that they go by they/them. When she told me that my entire heart shattered. I felt like the biggest asshole ever. How could I, a member of the lgbtqia+ community fuck up that badly. I felt horrible and of course I still do.! (No one knows I’m queer so I also feel like now they think I’m transphobic and/or homophobic)

I wanted to apologise but then I felt like I’d be making up excuses for myself and I’m also like really socially awkward so I didn’t end up saying anything.

The thing is, I still feel so horrible about it and I guess that’s a good thing bc at least I know that I care about being respectful but it just really sucks that I was misgendering someone for so long and didn’t realise the harm I could have been causing them.

I’m so sorry to be ranting to you at 2am but I genuinely don’t think I’ll ever get over this and I just needed to speak about it to someone.

Ps- I am the agender questioning anon and so thank you so much for helping me with that… I think I’m starting to understand myself so much more now!

So much love to you Cas, I hope you have the most amazing day! 🫶🏼

Hi love!

woah woah woah. Take a breath <3

Here's the thing. Yeah, it sucks to be misgendered. and yeah, in a perfect world, we should ask people for their pronouns every time we meet them.

But here's the thing: that's not reality. Why?

It's not always safe to ask for/share pronouns. There are many situations where I, myself, don't feel comfortable asking someone's pronouns or sharing my own. So I assume. And unfortunately, that means I get misgendered and so do other people. But my safety and the safety of others is first and foremost.

Also, it's a habit to get into, to ask people for their pronouns, even when they might present in a way that makes you assume. Habits are difficult to form, and sometimes a mistake like this helps you become more eager to form them.

And here's the thing: you did the EXACT RIGHT THING by not making a big deal of it when you found out and (I'm assuming) just using the right pronouns from then on. You didn't put that person in a weird situation and now they're being gendered correctly.

Let me give you an example that will hopefully make you feel better:

I have been wearing a pin on my lanyard at work for five months now with my pronouns. I work with about a hundred adults. Guess how many people use my pronouns? ONE.

Until the other day.

All of a sudden, my coworker started referring to me with my pronouns. And I was SO EXCITED! She didn't have to give an apology. She just needed to start respecting my identity.

All this to say: yes, it sucks to be misgendered, and in a perfect world we should never assume. But you're still LEARNING and if you've corrected yourself and do your best to do better from now on then, as long as this coworker is a decent person, they aren't mad. I promise!

Sending you lots of love and also maybe some forgiveness for yourself. <333

#ask #asks #ask cas

[dieabadass]

//having diabetes can’t be that bad they say ////

Let me tell you why the statement above is a load of crap.

1. Our bodies are waging war against themselves.

2. It takes us longer to heal when we get hurt and it takes us longer to recover from illnesses because our immune system is jacked.

3. We could die at any moment without warning.

4. Low blood sugars feel like you’re going through drug withdrawals.

5. High blood sugars feel like your body is drying out like a raisin.

6. Afraid of needles? Well tough! We need to prick our fingers more than three times a day, and either pierce yourself every three days for a pump site change or take more than four injections everyday.

7. Our organs are slowly failing.

8. We have a high chance of going blind.

9. We could lose our feet and legs

10. Insulin is crazy expensive.

11. Testing strips are crazy expensive.

12. The constant highs and lows drain us.

13. We can’t just eat food right away. We need need to calculate how many grams of carbohydrates are in our food, test our blood sugar, configure in a correction if need be, dose and by the time we take our first bite; everyone else have already finished.

14. Doctors are super expensive.

15. Pumps, meters and continuous glucose monitors (CGMs) are really really expensive.

16. No one ever takes our illness seriously.

17. Having children is VERY risky for ladies with diabetes.

18. The constant fear we have when we go to sleep knowing that we might not ever wake up due to low blood sugars at night.

19. The bruises and scars all over our body from YEARS of injections, site changes and finger pricks.

20. How our feet and hands are always freezing due to our poor circulation.

So tell me again how my suffering “isn’t that bad”. Make another joke about the worst thing that has probably ever happened to us. Laugh again when you say, “All of this food is going to give me di-ah-beet-us.” So just think about that next time you want to say something about diabetes….and the list goes on and on and on…

A year and some change ago me & my husband separated…. I was dealing with a lot of health issues and mental health issues & years and years of drug addiction wich also did not help with the invisible disease that wrecked havoc on my body since I was 5 years old ( I’m now 31 ) I didn’t even realize that my body was failing me from years of uncontrolled diabetes. I take responsibility for that 100%. What I hate myself for even to this day… is how differently I could have done things. I guess in the end no matter how well you take care of yourself the chances of living to grow old with someone sometimes isn’t in the cards for some of us. I hate that part. ….what I even hate more is the person I was supposed to spend whatever time I have left here left me for someone else. Someone who was healthier and able to keep up with him and his life…what I hate even more than that was that the person he left me for took disgusting cruel pleasure in making sure I knew everyday how sick I was and how she couldn’t wait to get the phone call from my crazy over protective mother with the news that I finally went to sleep and never woke up…while I was fighting for my life literally she had the nerve to let me know that she and my husband of 13 years could finally start their new life together without me and the burden I was to him would be over for good…. I still have the text message she sent me that almost sent me to my grave. Not from the illness i didn’t choose to have but from the words of someone who didn’t even know me. Turns out she actually knew me before she even met my husband but that’s a whole nother crazy story and crazy fucking rabbit hole/paradoxxx I’ll get into another time…. But this girls words and the combination of my husband allowing this cruel person to treat me like that and actually believed her twisted heinous immature nature and insensitiveness to the fact that she could have not crawled into my world at a more horrible time was sitting their laughing and mocking me for something I couldn’t help and had to now endure alone….a part of me will always hate this person for that. But the better part of me also forgives that girl and even my husband because I now have them too thank for overcoming the most trying times of my life… I’m far from perfect I’m far from healthy or sane or just. But I am far better than I used to be and something like having a chronic illness like type 1 diabetes is just another thing in this lifetime of mine. And for whatever it’s worth I’m thankful that my disease has showed me that despite all the obstacles…despite all the wreckage and chaos it’s caused for my life…. I’m still here above ground breathing for another day…

#diabeticblondie #actually diabetic #my life #werefuckeditsfine #358

[agentfaust]

Okay well tip one is for everyone to mask up in common areas. People with covid eat in their rooms, preferably someone else brings them food but if that's not possible (first time around I lived with roommates I barely knew so I wasn't gonna ask them for help), cook when everybody is out of the kitchen and wipe everything down well after. If you've got more than one bathroom segregate one as the covid bathroom, keep all doors to bedrooms and that closed. Spray shit with Lysol if you have to share a bathroom.

So for me it's like: I lived in a situation where my roommate got it and none of the rest of us did, then months later I got it and didn't give it to anyone, then a few months ago I caught it again from my dad when it ripped through our household. But my brother and grandmother were spared because as soon as my dad tested positive I immediately got all of us taking those precautions. I'd been more exposed than my grandma and brother in the day or two before my dad got symptoms so until I got it myself, I was caring for him (both of us masked even still) because I figured if I was gonna get it I was already sick so I should act like it. And because I did and didn't eat outside my room even before I fell ill and avoided common areas my grandma and brother made it out unscathed.

Also I cannot stress enough how important it is to remain hydrated. It's difficult as hell sometimes but it's so important when you have covid. When I got dehydrated a few times I'd almost pass out. Second time around was easier on that front because I'd learned my lesson ending up in the ER for a night needing IV fluids the first time around, so I was more vigilant.

I am also high risk in several different ways. As was my dad. It wasn't great. But we made it through. Though there's always a risk of rebound (my dad had that issue), if they're very high risk it may be worth them going to an urgent care or their doctor to see if paxlovid is an option. I didn't have it either time. Probably should've the first time because it was worse, but shitty health insurance situation.

I hope you're all okay. :) And good luck.

damn anon that sounds horrible :(( so sorry that happened to you!

ok i will do all this i am trying to keep them as hydrated as possible and im clorox wiping everything down. i think my dad alr got some meds im not sure what? but idk if they’re helping him ://

thank you anon i’m super stressed out it means so much <3

#ask box #TYSM ANON

[starview-cafe]

Do you forgive yourself?

Wheatley: Go on and get comfy now... I've got quite a lot to say about this.

Wheatley: I'll start by saying this... I am aware that what I did wasn't right. I'm aware it was... very wrong, actually. I've had a LOT of time to think about just HOW wrong I was. Nothing but time, actually. For about 3 years, I was stuck orbiting this rock. Every time I'd pass by the Earth I'd think about it. For 3 years! And I never once started to feel better about it... I actually think I felt worse as time went on. So, believe me. I am very, very aware of what I've done.

Now, I could sit here all day and give you the rationale for why I acted the way I did. But I don't want to do that. I don't want to sound like I'm just... trying to write it off as being nothing. Like "I was such a victim, and I was completely justified!" Because it's not like that at all. I tried to hurt people. People who had done nothing wrong! ... Well... one of them had done nothing wrong. Let's be honest, the other one totally deserved it--BUT!! BESIDES THAT... The only reasoning I can give you in good conscience is that... I am a right and proper moron. But, at the end of the day, it doesn't really matter WHY I did what I did, now does it? What matters is... I've done it. And I'm not proud of it. Not one bit.

I can sit up here, feeling terrible and sorry all I'd like, but, looking at things realistically,  it's not going to change anything that's happened. You can't change the past. That's all already happened, hasn't it? No matter how hard I wish that I could take it all back, it's just not going to do a bloody thing. I don't … look, I really don't want it to sound like I just don't care. I do! But... I mean, augh… you can only think about something so much before it stops being helpful! I don't think it's doing ANYONE any good for me to continue to dwell on it. 

Do I forgive myself... that's.... that's a bit, pointless to think about, isn't it? That doesn't matter so much, after all I'm not the one to apologize to. I didn't do myself wrong. But I was a horrible monster to her. If anyones forgiveness of me actually has value, it would be hers. But I couldn't even apologize to her if I wanted to... which I do. I want to quite badly. But... even if I did... let's say that I could apologize to her. If I did... I can't control whether or not she forgives me. Apologizing doesn't automatically mean you get forgiveness. And that's completely fair! No one involved has any obligation to forgive me at all. It doesn't matter how sorry I am or how much I regret it. That doesn't play a tenth of a part in it.

I almost think it would be selfish of me to even try to apologize at this point. Do I think reaching out and saying I'm sorry would make her feel better about what happened? Well, no. I doubt it. At that point, it'd just be for me and my closure. I don't want to subject her to percieving me again just for that. I have to consider what she would want, too. And I feel like she would just like to be left alone.

It's like... like if your high school bully reached out to you 11 years after graduation and said "Oi gov, remember all the times I flushed yer gob in the loo? Yea, dreadful sorry for that mate." like, would that make you feel better?? No, of course not! You'd be like... "why the hell is this daft codger talking to me again..." It's just not helpful to anyone!

I can't simply take back what I've done, no matter how much I want to. But I'll tell you--I'll tell you what I CAN change. I can change what I do now. My options after that day are A. carry on being a proper bellend or... or, B.... Don't. Be better. Do better. And you know… I'd like to think that I am.

Do i forgive myself? Well, the answer is no, I don’t. I don’t forgive my past self for what he’s done. That’s why I’m trying to be better, up here.

Wow that was... I know I said I had a lot to say but... that was a LOT to say. Hah... I've just thought about this so much, and never had anyone to really... talk to about it. Just sort of built up, I guess.

Well, thanks for listening, anyways.

#Wheatley #Wheatley core #ask wheatley #Portal 2 #Portal #Wheatley ask blog #Portal ask blog #anonymous #thanks for asking! #this is a lot of text #I apologize #I kinda wanted to draw more for it but it would have taken me ages probably #chrono

[lovebvni]

hi abyss

my name is malak and i wanna know what i need to hear rn <3

if u don't wanna answer that's fine ily ♥

Hello, Malak. Your name literally means angel, and I love that. Goldwing by Billie Eilish comes to mind, for more reasons than one.

Messages You Need To Hear Right Now

“Manipulation”

The first word that came through. Someone, a masculine figure, is manipulating you and controlling you. I turned on my shufflemancy and “Producer Man” by Lyn Lapid came on. That, paired with the song Goldwing by Billie Eilish coming on is making me think you’re too open for your own good. You willingly let people in your life and let them tamper with your energy. Draining you, making you feel like shit.

You may be in the acting/singing industry, as both of these songs are about a man making an offer to a younger girl for their own gain. It could also be changing yourself for the material or for the male gaze. I see this could also apply to a relationship. [This ‘man’ could just be a masculine energy, someone who gets what they want and doesn’t care about anyone else. So, gender doesn’t matter here. Excuse me saying “he” or “this man” or anything similar throughout this reading if it applies to a woman.]

In the beginning, it started off good. It seemed like things were looking up, but it was short lived. You soon started (consciously or unconsciously) changing yourself for this male. I’m sorry to say, he never truly, deeply cared about you. Maybe for a brief moment he did, but it was based off looks or personality. He didn’t want you as a person, he didn’t want commitment, he just wanted something to ‘show off’. 212 also keeps coming up.

The manipulation is keeping you with him. I suggest for you to slowly remove your energy from him, then physically remove yourself from him. Don’t let him keep you. And if you do let him keep some of your energy, you have to detach yourself from him. “I do this for myself, not for other beings” is the affirmation I heard. Try saying it at least 10 times a day. Let it sink in, and let that reflect on the outside.

“I’m gonna be the bad guy”

I feel like this is the new energy stepping in. 4:44 as of typing this) The new you. I feel like you’re almost relevant to step into the energy. You don’t want to be a “bad guy”, but you kind of need to. You need to own yourself and your life [Nicki Minaj’s Chun-Li + a hell of a lot of orange]. It’s okay to be seen as the bad guy for a season if you’re bettering yourself.

Don’t get it twisted, this isn’t the universe saying go be a bitch to everyone you’re leaving; rather its saying to own your life and not let anyone get in the way of trying to take it back.

I love you, angel, and I hope you can let go of this horrible person easily.

As someone who’s been in multiple toxic relationships, it is easy to go back, but do the hard thing. Let go. And don’t let them lead you back.

#abyss .answers #letting go #intuitive messages #intutive reading

[floral-poisons]

How you meet for crewel and Crowley plz

Fluff

happy to provide!! considering we don't know much about crowley so far, i'm making the meet-cute more recent (in terms of like the current story i guess? idk i started writing this at 3 am). i went with like an abbott elementary type of thing with crowley.

also the image is wanderer above the sea of fog (1818) created by casper david friedrich.

DIRE CROWLEY

you decided a vacation was necessary for you. working at the royal sword academy was super stressful. it looked all pristine on the outside but you’d argue that the school had just as many problems, if not more, than the rival school nrc.

they were just better at hiding it especially since the school had their fair share of celebrities.

also when were you going to get promoted? it was kind of ridiculous how rsa was ran by another ambrose and the school just kept going with this tradition—

“thinking terrible thoughts, are we?”

“gah!” you almost spat out your drink, shivers running up your body. a man in a bird mask was sitting next to you.

“oh my bad. my students have a habit of telling me that i pop out if nowhere.” he chuckles.

“my students tell me something similar actually.” you sigh. “i’m not thinking terrible thoughts. i’m just thinking when i will get a promotion at my job. it’s ridiculous how a line of nepo babies basically means i will never be promoted to headmage!!”

“oh. you’re going for a headmage position? where exactly do you work at?”

“royal sword academy. run by the great ambrose the 63rd.” there was sarcasm dripping in your voice. “i’ve been at this position for over 10 years now!”

“what exactly if your position?”

“alchemy professor. and sometimes pr management.” you take a sip of your drink. “i specifically got my degree in education to be a headmage and here i am, a professor of alchemy.”

“i don’t think it’s all bad. besides, being a headmage is stressful. it requires a lot of generosity.” he leans back in his seat before putting a hand out. “dire crowley.”

you shake it. “(y/n) (l/n).”

“i’m the headmage of night raven college.”

DIVUS CREWEL

potionology was not your strong suit. it was always your weakest subject and you consistently did poorly in the class. well, not this year!! your second year at nrc would be different!

except the change you wanted didn’t happen overnight. instead, you seemed to get worse as each day in the semester went on.

usually you kept to yourself and you didn’t exactly talk to your lab partner. you also never asked for help because you were taught asking for help was a sign of weakness.

“hey!! hey are you listening!!!”

you look up and it just registers that there’s a boy your age snapping his fingers at you. he had quite the unique appearance with his split hair. your eyes glanced at the logo on his coat. pomefiore.

pomefiore students expected to be the center of attention 24/7 huh?

“i am not. i can do this myself.” you scoff.

“then you’re being ridiculous because you used the ingredients in the wrong order and considering your reputation last semester, i don’t think you’d want to make it worse.”

your face immediately grew hot. “excuse me!!”

“you’re terrible at potionology, even more so terrible at working alone, and your lack of precision and grace in this subject sickens me.” he crosses his arms. “i’m supposed to be your lab partner but i guess you don’t care enough about my own grade since we’re being graded as a pair. this is what i get for being partnered with you.”

“what is that supposed to mean!” you were angry, angry enough to throw the cauldron at him. how snobby!

“you literally have a reputation for causing people’s grades to fall in potionology because you refuse to communicate and you’re horrible at it and whatever you’re doing to study clearly isn’t working.”

your mouth was left gaping open at the fact that he had the audacity to talk to you like that. but more so that he was right. “i…”

“so are you going to listen to me and let me help you? i’m literally the top student in potionology.” he scoffs.

“i…sure.” you scoot aside to let him into the space and immediately he dumps the whole potion.

“we’re going to have to start over and if you wanna pass, listen to what i have to say and follow my instructions. got it?”

“yeah…”

“the name’s divus, by the way. divus crewel.”

#twisted wonderland #twst #disney twst #disney twisted wonderland #nrc staff #divus crewel #dire crowley

[mental-health-advice]

Submission about grades

I'm stupid, I would've gotten 3/4 questions on a AP Physics 1 HW wrong if my friend hadn't helped me. I'm a so called GT/AP student, so smart and skilled and molded from elementary school. I'm not worth anything if I can't good great grades and keep up with/outperform my friends.

I'm not suicidal but I say things like I want to kill myself because I think the shock of such an awful statement takes the stress off. Like you just need to scream and get everything out and such a serious statement kinda snaps you out of it.

I'm probably a horrible person for trivializing suicide but I can't help but use it for it's own purposes

Hey there,

Even though I don’t personally know you I do not think you are stupid at all for feeling as though you need to get good grades as that’s what’s expected of you or what you expect of yourself. Almost like without good grades or getting grades that are better than your friends then you are nothing.

In instances like this I feel as though it’s really important to take a step back and just try to enjoy your surroundings. Like what’s happening around you, what can you see, hear or smell. Go for a walk and take note of what other people are doing, sit down on a public bench and just people watch or watch the world around you for a little while. By doing this you are not only giving yourself a break from the stresses of study and grades, but you are enabling yourself the opportunity to begin to enjoy life again just like it should be.

So, experiment with different things. Discover what your likes and dislikes are, what interests you in life. Hang out with friends socially, try not to talk about grades, just have some fun.

The point is to show you that there is more to like about yourself than just your education and your grades. Yes these things are important, but so to are life experiences and self-care. Just something to think about.

In terms of your use of saying things like “I want to kill myself” when you do not get the grades you feel like you should’ve received or gotten, this sounds like it’s just become habit for you as you may feel as though you have let yourself down and are not good or smart enough. This is why I feel it’s important to go back to the basics and just take a break now and again and just focus on something entirely different than your studies, try to find the enjoyment in life again if that makes sense.

If you are wanting to try to not say things like you want to kill yourself in times where you feel your grades aren’t good enough, then try to just take a breath and stop yourself before speaking. Try to remind yourself that you tried your very best and that yes, you wish you had done better, but you are still good enough as a person and are very deserving of being alive. And I know that this won’t be easy at all given that those words are engrained in you but with practice and taking each day as they come you will be able to have a better outlook on life.

I really hope that this has helped a bit and please do let us know if we can help to support you in any other way!

I’m thinking of you and hope that you are going well!

Take care,

Lauren

#mha-lauren #advice #advice blog #mental health advice #anonymous #grades #out smarting friends #taking a step back #finding enjoyment in life

[secretly-small]

Gotta love throwing y’all stuff I blurted out in the middle of the night 👍🏽

Here’s a new OC. This piece was based off a dream I had the other day.

Description: Harper, a teen girl with very weak sizeshifting abilities, is caught alone is a toy store with two equally curious little kids. This couldn’t end well.

CWs: assault, struggle, attack by children, non-sexual forced removal of some clothing

Word count: 960

Disclaimer: I haven’t edited this yet XD

Living Doll 🪆🧒🏼

1/3

“Oh, please!” I chuckled into the phone, “I’m right next door!”

The line went silent, and I could practically feel my mom’s worry. It was understandable, of course. The absolute longest I could hold a human form was an hour or two, and most of the time I lasted mere minutes. But we’d both agreed it would save time if we split up, and it wasn’t like I was incapable of handling myself anyway.

“All right…” she finally sighed. “Just promise to be quick.”

I smiled, going through our usual routine before hanging up and pocketing the device. My eyes scanned the shelves, each lined with different toys. Most of my cousins were rather young, so the seemingly-infinite number of cars and dolls told me I was in the right section.

My hands slipped onto my hips as I considered which ones would be most suitable. It didn’t take long to pick them, despite the number. By the time I’d grabbed the last, my cart was filled with about eight different gifts. Three of them would be for the new cousins who just married in. They were all boys, and even though we’d never met, I felt confident in the assortment of trains I’d collected.

I allowed myself a triumphant grin as I took the first step to the cashier. Almost immediately, though, a sharp flare emanated through my  body, and the beat of a second passed before my view of the store shifted drastically. 

I groaned as I pulled out my phone, speed dialing my mom. It rang a few times too many, and my heart dropped at the sight of shoes clomping in from the neighboring isle. 

It wasn’t the first time something like this had happened. In fact, it was common. But normally my mom or sisters were here to help.

Rather than running like I should’ve, I stood frozen as three people rounded the corner. Two of them were little blond boys, perhaps no older than four or five, and the third was a nearly-identical woman whose arms were… way too full.

The woman bent down, dropping all the items from her grip to the floor. Before I could even process, she’d darted out of sight, leaving the children unattended in a toy store. 

I grinned. I didn’t know her, but that woman gave off some dang good vibes.

Before I could think, the boys’ eyes landed on me. I stifled a curse, darting to hide under the nearest shelf. It was mere paces from me, but I was still too slow. Grubby, little fingers wrapped around the length of my body, yanking my hair and limbs into horribly uncomfortable positions. 

I gasped as my phone fell from my hands onto the tile floor. He didn’t seem to care, though, as he lifted me up to his curious eyes. 

My mind whirled as I attempted to come up with something, anything, to say. With just the right words, any child would put down a toy. But any hope I had was immediately crushed when his brother waddled up and blabbered something unrecognizable. He responded back in the same language.

Not good.

My fists banged against his fingers. It was harmless, obviously, but his clear blue eyes immediately fell from his brother to me. They widened, and his jaw fell open in astonishment. He squealed a few more incomprehensible things to his brother, pointing at me.

“Put me down!” I demanded, using a loud voice and strong tone. Words weren’t needed with children, anyway. As long as they knew you meant business.

Or maybe that was just dogs.

His grip tightened, and all the blood fell to my head as he twirled my upside down. I wrenched, squirming and kicking in his hand, but as my eyes landed across the shelves before me, it became overwhelmingly clear how this would turn out. I was a living doll. 

The boy squated, then dropped me ungracefully onto the floor. I didn’t even have time to get my bearings before they’d both leaned over me, four hands tugging at my limbs and hair. 

The younger boy seemed to find particular interest in my clothes. He pulled my jacket, ripping my arms out of the way when I attempted to stop him. In seconds, he’d removed it completely, and seemed to take great pleasure in the action. 

I screamed and fought, but to no avail. His hands moved down to my jeans, and this time he wasn’t as gentle. He fumbled with the button, his frustration causing him to tear them in two. This made their removal much easier, apparently, and my legs were suddenly naked against the freezing tile floor.

Finally, they seemed to have enough of my noise. The older one pressed his thumb against my mouth and nose, cutting off my airway.

I shook, tears streaming down my face as the youngest picked me up by one leg. 

Every kid did this. Every kid peeled the clothes off a Barbie to see what was underneath. Every kid would feel around the unspoken part of the doll to see if the underwear was real, only to find out it was just painted on. 

They didn’t know what they were doing. After all, I was just a moving doll.

His finger brushed between my legs, trailing down my spine. He eventually made it back to my hair, which he made sure to give a strong tug.

When they once again dropped me to the ground, this time leaving me banged up from the impact, I knew. Their faces peered over me, looming like an unsatisfiable force above, and I knew I would die. 

I drew in what would likely be my last breath, closing my eyes. I’d always liked kids.

#Harper and Alex #G/t #giant/tiny #gentle giant #g/t related #g/t scenario #g/t concept #g/t idea #g/t writing #g/t community #g/t story #Angst #g/t angst

[heavensigh]

I’ve been wanting to journal for some time, but life is kinda fast. It really started out of frustration. I’ve been taking my birth control pills continuously for about 3 months now, thinking that it would make my fitness journey a bit better without having to suffer the awful side effects of my period once a month. Well, jokes on me because not skipping those white pills did absolutely dick. I STILL got cramps, blinding back pain, painful bloating and the gas. AND on top of that, instead of my period being a stream of 5 days, I spotted for 3 weeks straight. The first month it happened I was like, “Alright, bet, I just need to work it into my system and it should be set for the next month.” Nope. This just went on...and on...and on. So here I am, 3rd month and countless ruined panties later. I have decided to completely get off the pill. No more birth control for me. Chu is snipped and due for his sperm count appointment in Dec. We’re just going to have to tough it out til then. I’m going to experiment with my diet and keep working out until I can naturally combat my Moon Blues.

I’ve officially dropped my coach and I feel back at square one. That bastard hasn’t answered any of my text messages for over a month. What a freaking waste. I haven’t been to the gym in about a week in a half. Mainly because of my body being bloddy and feeling gross this whole time. I start again on Monday, this time with Chu in tow. We made up about him being a horrible workout partner and now are decided to change times of our workouts and maybe gyms? I’m not sure on that though. My gym isn’t bad per say but it doesn’t offer a lot. There is a bigger gym just as close but I read that its a bitch to cancel your membership there so I probably won’t bother.

Work has been better. My attorney hasn’t gotten any better, in fact she might have laid it on a bit more. But the firm has hired a new paralegal, one that has been in the game for decades. My attorney came to me, shyly I might add, and informed me that she’ll be taking on the new hire while I get moved to the associate lawyers. I was elated. She is the only reason I hate going to work in the morning. I mean...I still have no clue what I’m doing but at least I won’t be talked down to for making mistakes during my training. As long as my schedule and salary can stay the same I don’t care what I do. I get along so much better with the associates and I feel like i can finally take my time to really learn instead of fighting for my life everyday at work. Thank you Jesus because I was really praying for a solution to my work blues. I was legit about to quit.

November is almost here and I’m looking to shake things up financially. I’m actively saving for retirement now and opened up an investment account. I set some new saving goals and talked to Chu about FIRE. I gave us 5 years for us to move out of the USA. I know that deadline is very extreme but I think I can work under that kind of pressure. I really can’t fail. I have to pay off all my debt (again) and really throw myself into this. I’m looking for a better job, working on my side hustles and trying to eliminate things that no longer serve me. I have a few games coming out next year that I’m looking forward to but thats about it. My niece wants to take a trip to Japan with us and that sounds fun as hell. I wonder how much money I should put toward that?

I’ve decided to stop dyeing my hair and let it grow in naturally. It seems long enough to braid and with the coming winter months I thought it would be a perfect time to let the color go and focus on a more healthy journey. We’ll see how long I can last with this.

I thought I wanted to go back to school to change careers but I’m thinking of just going the cert route and be down with it. Times are changing and I can’t justify spending thousands of dollars on a degree right now. Especially since I’ve been lying about them on my resume up until now and have been doing just fine.

Overall, I feel like I’m in a transitioning period. I have to focus on completely some goals so that future me can live a good life. Current me is living a pretty good one now but it can be better...so much better.

#life update #personal #dear diary #journal #pbthoughts

[depressedafposts]

2am

I’m so messed up over the fact that I know in the bottom of my heart that I have this horrible feeling you don’t even care that I’m not in your life anymore. You were someone I used to call home someone I thought I would always have in my life someone who I could always come to and could always come to me. You’re the friend that I was supposed to have my children call “Aunt H” but now it will just be stories about me and an old friend. I get the urge to text you all the time more then I do already but they are messages that I just end up erasing and only I know what they have said because you don’t deserve to know how I feel or what has been happening in my life. I tell you I miss you and you say I know I miss you too but you don’t understand how much I truly do miss you H! Also texting you feels like a waste of my time now and I should have learned that a long time ago, you take forever to respond it feels like I’m waiting on a business to get back to me, “3-5 business days and maybe you’ll hear back from this person”… looking back at our texts from this last year and a half, it is just a disappointment and I’m not only disappointed in you but myself for letting myself be this hurt, but like I said you were home to me. I hope one day I can talk about you without feeling so angry or having tears in my eyes. I hope that one day we will be able to have a stable contact in each others life, maybe not as close as before.

As I’ve already said you used to feel like home to me, now it just feels like that home has been burned down to nothing but the memories that make me cry until 4am. I know I still have so many things to experience and live through but I thought you were going to be here by my side through at least most of it. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to actually have a friendship with none else like you and I had, because I don’t think I’d ever be able to trust anyone like that again. A part of me will miss you until the day I die. I never knew there was such thing as grieving someone who is not dead but now I’m living that nightmare. Another friend like you doesn’t exist, you were my soulmate and I don’t mean lovers I mean the person I was supposed to do everything with from the day we met till the day we died, well at least that’s what I thought. I miss you, I miss you being able to make me laugh when I was sad and at my worst, I miss you being there when I needed you and me being there when you needed me. I miss seeing you almost every day. I miss bragging about my best friend to people telling them all the things we’ve done together. And now I can’t talk about those things without feeling any type of anger. I hate that it feels like you don’t miss me or the friendship we had at all. I mean it’s wild how we went from seeing each other all the time to a couple times a week to once a week to once a month to NOTHING!

There isn’t a day that goes by that something doesn’t remind me of you and I’m starting to hate it because I need to realize you probably aren’t coming back into my life and I need to move on. But it is so hard, why doesn’t any talk about how hard best friend breakups are? Cuz you wanna know what, IT FUCKING SUCKS ASS! I torture myself by still trying to fight to be your friend and so against everything I’ve said I wouldn’t do but that just shows how much I truly do miss you and care about you. I torture myself by still being friends with you on some social media seeing how you’re faking being happy, that’s how well I know you is I can tell that you’re not happy you have even told me you’re not happy but why aren’t you doing anything to change it, you don’t realize that the second you change it I would drop everything I’m doing and I would be there for you because I love you and I care about you. It kills me when mom or grandma ask me if I’ve talked to you lately, because I have to tell them no and then they ask why because they don’t understand the pain it puts me through to talk about it and I have to hide the tears that start when I just think about it, they don’t understand how bad it really is thought they don’t know that I sit up until 4am crying so hard I can’t barely breathe. They say things like “oh you guys will be fine soon you always are” but I just don’t think that’s the case this time around. We made a promise a while back and I feel I’m the only one that took it personally and it was that neither of us would ever let someone we were dating tell us that we couldn’t be friends. It’s tiresome to continuously feel like I’m the only one trying to fix our friendship. You were one of the only people I thought I would never drift away from. I thought you would be in my life a hell of a lot longer then 15 years, that’s just a start I didn’t want that to end but you have chosen differently and I guess I just have to come to terms with that. Saying I’m exhausted is an understatement after everything I’ve been through in the last few years. It sucks that every time I try to make a new friend I look for the traits of you in them but then they don’t have them so I pull away. You were my rock in some of the worst times of my life, I will always view you as a blessing, even now with so much pain in my heart. I always want the best for you and for you to be happy and I know right now you’re far from happy and I wish you would just do something about it. You’ve got a heart of gold and you deserve to be treated like it. You’re the most honest and sweet caring person I’ve ever met, I wouldn’t have ever traded our friendship for anything. You have admitted to me that you haven’t been a good friend and that you’re unhappy but you do nothing to change it. I fucking hate the saying “ it was a part of gods plan” fuck that why does god make all the shittyest of things happen to me. Why did he take what he took from me two years ago and why has he chosen for you to no longer be in my life for some reason, it baffles me!

I hate that we don’t talk, that you don’t tell me about your days or what’s going on in your life, I hate that I can’t tell you about the things happening in my life but then again I could but you don’t deserve to know as of right now. There are so many things I want to know and I want you to know. I feel fucking stupid for saying all this or even when I text you about how I feel because it’s not like you actually care or actually see how hurt I am. We had the type of friendship that people wish they had. I know it’s shitty to say but you’ll probably never have a friendship like we had ever again but then again I don’t have to worry about that because if you stay in this situation you won’t be “ALLOWED” to.

You will always be one of the best people I ever had in my life.

I hope that one day I can talk about you without so much anger in my voice and pain in my chest. I wish I could be happy for you but I can’t when I can see it on your face that you’re unhappy. We’re almost 30 I didn’t think we were playing childish games in relationships like being controlled! Seeing any photos of you and her feels like a stab in the back because you have chosen her over someone who has been there for you so much in the last 15 years through all the really hard times and even people you have been friends with longer then me that can see that you’re unhappy and being controlled.

Please if you get to the end of this, I don’t want to fight anymore please show me some way some how that you actually fucking care about me. Because I don’t think even with all the pain and sadness that I’ll ever stop caring about you.

I love you H!

[kinetic-elaboration]

October 21: Valentine (2001)

The depressive feeling from yesterday didn’t magically go away by sleeping, so I’ve had kind of a lousy day. Through fault of my own, of course. Actually taking a shower and getting tea DID help (hahah I did know this) but by then it was getting kind of late and I didn’t want to rile myself up to writing. Maybe I should have… I could feel some ideas coming back. I don’t know. I don’t know.

I decided instead to watch a movie and then go to sleep “early” (which, like I’m not up to absolutely ALL hours so I guess that’s something) and the movie I picked was Valentine (2001). I’d seen it before, not when it actually came out because I was a bit too young, but probably not that long after, when I was in high school. My cousin and I watched it together, which, in retrospect, was perhaps a little weird. Anyway, I remember liking it at the time in a sort of better-than-I-thought kind of way but after 15+ years I forgot a lot. I remembered the basic premise and who the killer was, though almost nothing else.

This re-watch… I would still say it was better than I was anticipating. I tried to lower my expectations again because at the time I’d probably seen like half a horror movie ever and now I like to think I have more discerning tastes. As a slasher, it wasn’t that scary: I thought the tense scenes weren’t terribly tense, and while the kills were, upon reflection, actually pretty good (Paige in the hot tub in particular was quite elaborate but I also like the death by arrows in the weird Valentine’s Art Exhibit), nothing in it was really that revolutionary. But it was solid; it was fine. I like slashers but I don’t really care about ‘creative kills’ so much because I’m actually a bit squeamish about gore. I did really enjoy the characters, though. Am I that easily swayed by a nearly all female cast, by a group of girl friends being friends? Perhaps. Perhaps.

The… message of the film was a little hard to parse in some ways. Maybe I’m overcomplicating it. On the one hand, it’s very simple, right? All men everywhere are horrible all the time. The daily life of a woman is harassment and loneliness as she is constantly beset by losers on all sides. Like, the men in this film were almost comically terrible in every respect. The blind date who talks in the third person and takes zero hints about your disinterest. The neighbor who’s always hitting on you. The string of terrible blind ‘turbo’ dates. The ‘wax it’ guy. The father with the bride young enough to be his daughter. The gold-digging creep whose business just needs one more investment. The pretentious artist who tries to trick you into a threesome and who literally can’t hold a conversation because he’s too busy being horny. The detective who wants to ‘do something about the sexual tension’ he’s totally made up. Even the slumlord landlord is a guy! This is a 90-minute film. Every 3 minutes another terrible man shows up. And there are scenes like the speed dating and the video date guy that seem to be there for no other reason than to cram in as many losers as possible around the kills and to really beat into the audience how much it sucks being a single young woman in 2001.

Even the best of the guys, the only one with multiple personality traits, the potentially really good boyfriend, is an alcoholic and he gets scary when he’s drunk. Oh and also he’s the killer, surprise.

So I guess in this way one of the ways to read Jeremy is as an incel-type: still mad all these years later that the girls rejected him at the dance, now grown up and systematically killing all of them. And yet, I don’t know, he was more than rejected, you know? He was branded a predator, beaten up, and sent into the system, from which he basically never emerged. And it was really one girl who did that more than any of the others, but the rest (save one, the final girl) were witnesses that helped seal his fate. Of course, the nature of the slasher is that the killer IS the victim of a prank, and then gets a bloody vengeance that can only be stopped by the final girl, etc. So that’s just part of the formula. You can see what triggers the violence without condoning it, obviously, or being on the killer’s side. Maybe this is no more deep than that: he was reacting to a real harm that was done to him, but in a deranged horror-serial-killer way, because that’s the genre he’s in, and because the other message of the film is ‘wow men suck,’ he’s able to hide in a crowd of loser suspects.

But in general I’m sort of inclined to set aside the whole origin story of the killer, honestly. Adam Carr as the killer, regardless of who he was presumably-pre-plastic-surgery is the real core of the film, and the story there is coherent. He doesn’t really need a reason, honestly, if you look at it from the point of view of the women. In this sea of creeps, there’s one guy who seems to stick out as not as bad: Adam. We know he has a drinking problem but we don’t actually see him drunk or scary, and he seems like he wants to get better. The love story with Kate is sweet—maybe it will work out this time! Except, just as with wax it guy or Mr. Dot Com, there’s a secret side to Adam; he’s a monster underneath. Kate didn’t know he was an alcoholic when she met him, as Dorothy points out. It’s implied that he might be abusive when drunk (“I was afraid you would hurt me”), and what is being a slasher but just another, exaggerated, genre-specific form of abusive behavior: literally killing all her friends and a bunch of other randos around her? He honestly doesn’t need a reason, any more than he needs a reason for being an alcoholic. It’s about what is hidden, not why it’s hidden.

Some of the kills fit into this theory because honestly I didn’t really get why he killed half the people he did. The women, yes, that’s part of the whole revenge plot. The detective, okay, because he might be a threat to Adam getting away with it all. And the creepy neighbor was being weird to his girlfriend, so that was almost chivalry. But Mr. Dot Com and his ex-girlfriend were people who were bothering Dorothy, not Kate—and Dorothy was really the one most responsible for Adam’s misery! And Dorothy’s maid literally did nothing wrong at all; she was just around. The only explanation we get for those kills was ‘well when a person is lonely and angry they just do weird stuff,’ which, okay, sure.

I remembered Adam was Jeremy but not the little extra twist that he is not either killed or brought to justice and I did think that was an interesting conclusion. There’s a classic slasher backstory, classic kills, a final girl, and even an ‘evil lives on’ ending. But the mystery is only solved for the audience, not the final girl herself, and she doesn’t actually defeat the slasher. She is actually still victimized, in part by being led to believe that one of her best friends was a cold-blooded killer. Adam had his revenge on all the other girls, and he got a particularly nasty revenge on Dorothy: not only did he kill her, but he ruined her memory, just as she ruined his reputation. He was branded a rapist when he was not, and she was branded a killer when she was not. And he gets away with this! And what is Kate left with? All of her friends are dead, and her charismatic and handsome boyfriend is left to pick up the pieces. She’ll rely on him more than ever now, probably, and ignore the issues that come along with his drinking, and any red flags of his violent nature. The true hidden terror remains hidden. He’s not a comically overdrawn douche of a man like the others, and that makes him so much more dangerous. That’s what the whole movie has been illustrating—ultimately, maybe, its whole point.

#the year 2023 #2023: movies #2023: fandom thoughts