#almost done with my 1k writings hehe

[katsu28]

🍭 lollipop could u do 31. (sudden spells of dizziness disturbing their day) from list 5 for steve pls? ty 🫶

ofc love!! thank you for requesting <3

steve harrington x reader, 1k, mentions of injury but nothing specific

Steve didn’t regret having the everlasting shit beat out of him more times than, since he was doing it to protect the people he loved (and the entirety of Hawkins), but goddamnit if it didn’t fuck him up in all sorts of ways. Mentally and emotionally, yes, but the worst one was how it messed with him physically.

Because of how many times he’d had his bell rung, he could barely hear out of his left ear and see out of his left eye, his head and whole body hurt to no end all the damn time, and more recently (more frustratingly too), he began having dizzy spells. 

He didn’t tell anyone at first, not even you, having been rather accustomed to dealing with his problems on his own, but the more frequent they came along, the harder it was for him to hide them. 

Fast forward to now, Steve’s dizzy spells were the worst they’d ever been. Maybe it was from a lack of sleep lately, or he hadn’t been drinking enough water, he didn’t know, but the room started spinning every single time he’d stood up so far today. He’d managed to keep the first few under wraps, but he was getting increasingly frustrated. 

“Hey, Stevie, can you help me grab the paper towels? Someone put the new roll on the top shelf!” And by someone, you meant Steve, who always “accidentally” kept important things on the higher shelves so he could swoop in and save the day when you couldn’t reach them. 

Steve smiled to himself. “I have no idea who would do such a thing!” He called back, tossing the magazine he was flipping through off to the side and going to roll off the bed. 

Big mistake. 

As soon as he did, he was hit with what had to be the most head spinning, stomach turning, ear ringing bout of dizziness he’d had to date. 

“Jesus Christ,” He breathed, squeezing his eyes shut. One hand braced himself on the bedside table, while the other came to drag through his hair, fisting the strands at the nape of his neck before letting them flop back into place. He took a few deep breaths, willing the room to stop spinning quickly so he could go help you. 

“Steve?” Your soft voice sounded out from the hall, and he opened eyes to see you hovering in the doorway, brows pinched in concern. “Are you okay?” 

“Yeah, fine.” He replied quickly. Too quickly. You didn’t believe him one bit. 

“Are you sure?” 

“One hundred percent sure.” He confirmed, aiming a reassuring smile at you. “How bout those paper towels, hm?” 

He knew his cover had been blown the second he took a step in your direction, when the entire room lurched sideways yet again, and he lost his balance, stumbling on his feet big time. You were at his side in an instant, steadying him by his forearms. 

Your brows furrowed, eyes scanning his whole body for any sign of what could’ve made him pitch like that but coming up empty. 

“I’m okay, I just moved too fast. Lost my balance for a second.” 

“Steve…” 

“What? I’m fine, Y/N.” He snapped, growing instantly guilty when you flinched the slightest bit at his harsh tone. 

“Why are you being so defensive?” 

“I’m not being defensive!” Even that sounded extremely defensive, and you both knew it. Steve inhaled sharply, dragging a hand down his face. “Sorry. I’m not trying to be defensive, I’m just…frustrated.” 

“Frustrated? Why, baby?” Your voice turned hushed, gaze softening at his defeated tone. 

“I’m all kinds of messed up, sweetheart.” He sighed, squeezing his eyes shut. You tilted your head curiously at him, rubbing your hand up and down his arm soothingly. “I get dizzy a lot. And, uh, usually I can deal with them on my own, but they’ve been getting worse lately. A lot worse.” 

“Oh, Steve,” You murmured, feeling your heart ache for the poor boy. You’d had your fair share of pain and trauma from the whole saving the world thing, but it was nothing compared to what Steve endured time and time again. 

“I’m sorry for not telling you.” Steve’s chin dropped towards his chest, dejected gaze aimed at his feet. “I know—I know we’re supposed to be a team, and tell each other everything but I…I really thought I had a hang on them. I don’t.” 

Steve was always the one who took care of everyone else. Need a ride somewhere? Call Steve. Need someone to rant to? Call Steve. Need someone to coax the neighborhood cat out of a tree because you scared it all the way up there trying to see if weed worked the same as catnip? That one was Eddie and only happened once, but still, call Steve. 

He was so used to putting everyone else before himself—so used to everyone relying on him, that he forgot that he could always rely on you. 

“Hey, no. You never have to be sorry with me, Steve. We’re in this together, yeah?” You insisted, looping your arms around his neck. “I’m the one who should be sorry for making you feel like you couldn’t come to me about this.” 

Steve shook his head vigorously, squeezing you tight. “If I’m not allowed to be sorry, you’re not allowed to be sorry.” 

“Okay. No sorrys here, from either of us.” 

“No sorrys.” He repeated, nodding once. No sorrys, but an endless amount of support, however and whenever Steve needed it. Whether that meant going to doctors to see if these dizzy spells could be remedied, or changing around your lifestyles to make things easier on him, you’d do it for Steve.

He’d do the same for you. 

“Just so you know, I’ll be your human crutch if I have to.” You offered, tilting your chin up at him. Steve snorted, rolling his eyes playfully. “Oh, don’t pretend like you wouldn't like that! Get to drape yourself all over me like you do when you're drunk.” 

“I don’t do that!” 

“Ask Robin. Or Eddie, or Nancy, or—” 

“Okay, okay, maybe I do. But it’s only because I love you.” 

“And I love you too. Otherwise I'd drop your wasted ass on the nearest couch and come home.” 

“...thanks.” 

#almost done with my 1k writings hehe #and thank god too bc i am starting to run out of writer fuel #steve harrington #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x y/n #steve harrington x you #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington one shot #steve harrington fluff #stranger things #joe keery #kait celebrates 1k!

[bindeds]

HIII CAN U DO VOX X FEM!READER AND THE ONLY ONE BED TROPE THING?? I LOVE UR WORK BTWW🫂🫂

thank you so much, I’m really glad you do! Thanks for the love guys, I’m so sorry I’ve been falling off writing recently but this was kinda fun to write hehe, hope you don’t mind that I put my own spin to it!

mlist. requests.

             ꩜  ﹒     LOVE     HOTEL.   — vox ×   gender   neutral   reader.

wc. 1k. tags.   suggestive ,   mentions  of  fingers  around  sensitive  areas  ,   vox  is  pro  consent  omg  wow  ,   catching  you  almost  naked  ,   making  out  ,   fluff  ,   both  reader  and  vox  being  adorable

“Are you uncomfortable?”

Truly a strange question to ask.

Though, ‘strange’ and ‘Vox’ were never bound for the same sentence. No one would believe you if you’d ever tried to tie Vox down with such a word. No, not when you both laid in a red—or maybe pink, the colors were ever shifting just as the room had been in your slightly drunken state—tinted room.

Sirens wailed in the muffled distance, hell’s white noise slipping through closed windows as you laid on your back in bed. The room’s air conditioning was just starting to seep into your skin now, and when you touch your arm it’s almost electric how you don’t feel cold but your flesh does.

You can taste the stale air when you dampen your lips with a brief swipe of your tongue.

“No, I just … I didn’t think I’d be checking into a love hotel with, well—you, of all people.”

“Ouch.”

“I’m nobody, Vox. And you’re … you’re whatever your audience wants you to be.”

“Alright. This is getting personal,” Vox grunted as he rose from the bed, almost like a dressed corpse coming to life before he disappeared into the bathroom.

“Showering?”

“Mhmm,” he called from beyond the door he left ajar.

Your clothes clung to your previously sweat-slick skin. It had been your time now to sit up as you got up from your bed to change out of your shirt. The robes would have probably done just fine, at least, it wouldn’t retain the smell and memory of the night you spent with a man you’d just met. Oh god, you heard yourself think that as if the night had ended.

Your pants had completely been kicked off to the floor by now as you wandered over to the closet. You caught the brief second of darkness within before the lights flickered to action, presenting you with a pink robe with furry white lapels with hearts that trailed down them.

“Hey have you—”

You turn to your left and freeze up completely. The alcohol in you made a poor attempt at shooting up your system but it didn’t mean that it hadn’t rattled you just as much as the current situation had … oh god.

Vox’s eyes briefly zip down where they shouldn’t, and god, you thanked whoever had clearly possessed this headache-inducing room that you still had your undergarments on but neither of you had been inclined to move.

Finally, you rolled your eyes, then quickly regretted the motion that took your head for a spin before you scoffed.

“Vox. Please.”

“Please what, dear?”

“A love hotel, really?” You finally let out the question held within the grasp of what withered self restraint you had left.

“I called up Vel and Val, the tit fuckers used my house for their stupid dinner party. Said they had a deal to close and my house was apparently the least trashed. And anyway, this is the best love hotel on this side of the pentagram, and …”

Vox’s hand crawled up the closet door where your hand still rested.

He ran the tip of his index finger down your forearm. The faint yet acute touch of his nail guard had you reeling back a shiver you couldn’t let free. You clenched your jaw.

“We did meet at a bar.”

Vox’s eyes had dropped to half-mast now, and it wasn’t as though you hadn’t seen this coming.

“Vox,” you couldn’t help the smile that overtook your complexion. “You’re a handsome guy—”

“Mhmm—”

“But I’m just … not looking for that right now.”

“I know. But I just find it funny that you should say that because … I’m still looking at your incredibly bare body.”

“Underwear.”

“Doesn’t make you any less sexier.”

And you don’t know what came over you in that moment, but your arms crash landed around his neck as you tasted him on your lips, his tongue quick to lap at your mouth as you opened wide for him too.

Your body was too hot on his, his own hardware whirring so loud that you heard it over the moist sounds of your tongues meeting.

Even if you had really thought this over, really, this might have been the worst and best decision you would ever make—worst because you barely know this man and you knew people who smiled for the press were shells of who they once were. Can’t put your tongue into or around something that’s hollow, that’s just wasting time.

But it was the best, because, oh fuck did his fingers feel so goddamn good where they lingered. And he hasn’t even slipped them into your underwear yet.

But you grabbed his wrist at the highest height of your hastened heart and you smiled at him.

“I’m sorry. I can’t.”

Vox looks down at you for a moment, almost as if he’d needed a moment to part with the view before he gave you a little nod.

“Fuck. Okay.”

After you both untangled yourselves from each other, it hadn’t taken very long for you to settle down on the bed, your arms around him as he draped his arms around you as well, adjusting your duvets to cover you up nicely as he rubbed your shoulders.

“You cold?”

“No. You?”

“I’m just fine. You keep me overheating, you know.”

“Oh, Vox, you have such a way with words!” You dramaticized, and you chuckled almost like a small child but his shoulders shook as he joined you.

“Fuck you. It wouldn’t have been bad if we fucked.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I don’t kiss and tell, sweetheart.”

“Of course not. Vox shooting his load in sinner trash? Oh god, what will the papers say?” You had begun to think you were getting too good at this.

“Oh, darling.”

Vox’s hands left your body only to arrive at your chin as he angled it to face him.

“You’re not sinner trash.”

“Is that so?”

“My dear if the exterminations rained down today, they would have taken you back.”

taglist : @garfieldthomas @lvstyangel (dm me if you wanna be in the taglist <3)

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel fandom #hazbin hotel vox #vox hazbin hotel #vox hazbin #hazbin vox #hazbin vox x reader #vox x y/n #vox x you #vox x reader #hazbin fandom #hazbinhotel #hazbin hotel fanfiction #hazbin fanfiction #hazbin fanfic #vox fanfiction #( ໒꒱ hazbin drabbles. ) #( ​✮ hazbin. ) #hazbin vees #vees hazbin

[lovingksuki]

✰ SECRET ADMIRER

— highschoolers bakugo x fem!reader

synopsis: an anonymous love letter appears in your locker on valentine's day. surprised, you and your best friend start an investigation to uncover who was that person observing you from afar. meanwhile, a flushed bakugo tries to ruin your plans on the undercover alongside his shitty-haired buddy

cw: sfw; mostly fluff; lil angst; very insecure bakugo; romantic comedy; puberty; silly jokes; little swearing.

a/n: this is part one of three. let me know if you want this mini series to be continued :) and pls be patient since english is not my first language hehe ;;

word count: 1k

"oh c'mon! what if there's a heart shaped letter in your locker? you never know..."

"there's not."

"you can't be so certain about it. my girl is never looking her surroundings, who knows if someone got their heart pierced by an arrow?" mina pointed.

"shut up, every year the same thing..." you rushed and right after turning the corridor you captured by distance. "ok. maybe you were right." you said finding the metal compartment half closed.

then you grabbed the red paper in her hands, paying attention to the almost dry daisy taped lazily on the front; glanced around not spotting anything or anyone suspicious about it, then turned to your best friend.

"i got a feeling you're part of this." spurred.

"whoa, i was joking just now! even i am chocked. who's the sender?" the pink colored girl held her hands up in protest.

"i don't know, there's only my name." you stated carefully sticking the little flower out.

"let me search for a hint." mina took the letter from your hands suddenly, mumbling while quickly skimming through the words looking for something useful. she gasped before smirking at the content and then continued mumbling.

"enjoying yourself!?" you sighed waiting.

"mkay, done." handed the letter. "nothing between the lines. who wrote this sure is smart enough to not leak their identity."

"that's for me to decide. you ain't the smartest kind." you chuckled.

"hey!"

"more like the pretty girl type."

"you sly thing! you received a love letter, who's the pretty girl again?" both laughed at the statement and headed out to the cafeteria. "not reading it?"

"can't think when i am this hungry. we should hurry."

at the lunchtime the subject was the same. you two were discussing with your mouths full, sitting by yourselves on a table far enough from eavesdropping.

"hear me out. there's this line that seems to be rewritten over and over, it's a bit tattered." you mentioned. "it says: 'i'm still hesitant about what you think about me' and thanks to the pressure they put on paper seems to be 'afraid of who i am' underneath."

"adds a lot of nothing to our investigation. that's what everybody would say in a confession, i mean, nobody likes being dumped." pinky pointed out unfazed.

"yeah but, i don't think it's meaningless, what if this person is truly insecure about themselves." you pondered.

"or they're just ugly." mina chewed on her meal.

"i don't think that's the case... remember when you told me that thing you read about pretty boys' handwriting?" you brought up.

"did you actually believe that!? was just a discussion in a girl's meme forum." the pink one remarked.

"but there's some truth behind it. if you consider that people with a smaller hand can grip on a pen better when writing, also means the ones with big hands tend to have a sloppier handwriting!" you stated confident about your theory.

"girl, you're tripping... does this mean we're going across the school measuring boys' hands?" mina smirked unconvinced.

"precisely."

꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦

"what a fucking waste of time..." said raging.

"dude, calm down. at least you poured your feelings out..." eijiro reassured his bestfriend trying to point out the bright side of things.

but while he's the bright side, katsuki was the dark side. they say a good relationship is based in balance, in this case it makes total sense.

"you even checked if she read it?" asked the red haired.

"when she and mina walked by me at the corridor they were whispering and giggling like little lambs. probably laughing at that letter though." pouted.

"you're being paranoid, they're always like that."

"they're up to something..." bakugo murmured.

whilst the two struggled to put up with the 'plan cupid', the other two were constructing the 'plan pretty boy's handwriting'.

"as i was saying, a pencil has six inches approximately, we're looking for a hand as big at least. if we measure our hands we can compare with theirs without them noticing." stated grabbing a pen off her case.

"you're truly a genius. i refuse to accept you failed strategic test last week." mina complimented.

"i was in a really bad mood that day... anyway!" justified while traced her own hand in a empty page of mina's notebook. "fifteen centimeters. do yours and we're good to go!" demanded agitated.

when looking for friends of theirs, the girls pretended to just have a walk around the school.

"what if it was a girl?" mina asked suddenly.

"i doubt. how many girls with large hands do we know?" claimed.

"mmm... asui-san?"

"you've got to be kidding...!" pulled her phone and dialed quickly a number. "hey!" you smiled. "no, nothing really urgent, i just wanted to ask... are you perhaps in love with me?" questioned without any filter.

"girl you gone mad?" mina whispered holding back a laughter.

"uh, ok. anyways, thank you. we talk later, kisses!" you hung up. "see? that's not her."

"woah you're so straightforward! it scares me sometimes..."

the boys exited the restroom still discussing, but when the blondie heard a certain voice he stepped back. pulled eijiro's tie to hide behind a pillar with him. "shut it!" mouthed.

"i just wanted to ask... are you perhaps in love with me?"

"uh, ok."

his face started to burn as he became more anxious. could only hear a few words, enough to bring the boy into complete state of panic.

after the girls left he released his breath.

"stop overthinking! she just received a love letter, of course she's curious!" kirishima said.

"i didn't say anything, shitty-hair!"

"your face shows!" sighed. "seriously, how can she be so oblivious? just look at you! you're terrible at hiding."

"i- i... she doesn't even talk to me that often..." katsuki pitied.

"bro, you're not the friendliest around here. but she doesn't seem to be afraid of you." kiri pondered. "have you ever tried to smile?"

he looked at the red spiked guy and opened a shy smile.

"a bit more."

every time bakugo tried to put on smiling face it looked creepy. "be more genuine." said eijiro.

trying his best, but even with so much effort... his buddy analyzed. "ok. it looks absolutely terrifying."

"shit."

#mha fanfiction #mha bakugou #mha fluff #bakugou katsuki #bakugou x fem!reader #bakugo x reader #self insert #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #bakugou x you #bakugou fluff #bnha bakugo katsuki #katsuki bakugo x reader #katsuki bakugo x y/n

[fyodorloveclub]

⋆ ꙳ ✧ ⊹ 。°˖ flickered in the night, only you

for anon ♡

✧ pairing: husband!fyodor x fem reader

✧ cw: dc - somnoph!lia, cr3ampie, wedding night sex :) 18+, minors dni !!

✧ notes: fic 4 for my 1k event!! this kinda got much fluffier than i meant it to sorry hehe

✧ wc: 0.8k

dark content disclaimer: this is entirely fiction with absolutely no reflection of reality! i do not condone this nor any other dc i write, pls just block or unfollow if you don't like it, and do NOT report or leave hate comments please!

It was the night following your wedding and you were currently passed out on the hotel bed, your half-unzipped snowy white wedding dress fanned out across the sheets haphazardly. Your hair had fallen out of its intricate updo hours ago and your makeup was ruined, streams of mascara dried onto your cheeks and lipstick smeared across your mouth. Your husband Fyodor wasn’t in much better shape with his starched white dress shirt torn open with buttons missing, and lipstick kisses covering his body.

The ceremony was beautiful, and the reception was a night like no other, but you truly couldn’t wait for all of it to end to finally be able to consummate your marriage. You and Fyodor were practically tripping over each other to make it into the hotel room in anticipation, your actions guided only by the desperate need to be fucked by your new husband.

The door was barely closed before Fyodor was pushing you against it, kissing you hard and deep in the way he had wished he could at the altar.

He had carried you bridal style to the bed before hiking the skirt of your dress up and fucking you in the way you deserved. Though the buildup was rushed and almost animalistic, the actual sex was slow and heartfelt, thrusting into you slow and deep with endless kisses and I love you’s. You had even started crying at one point, overwhelmed with the emotion of finally vowing the rest of your life to your soulmate. But it had only escalated from there.

You had fucked for hours, both claiming it was vital to consummate a marriage thoroughly, but your body gave up eventually. The long day and innumerable orgasms finally caught up to you, and now you were out cold as Fyodor laid next to you and watched you breathe.

The problem with this was simple: Fyodor wasn’t done yet. His mind was still reeling with the excitement of the day, and his desire for you had yet to wane. But how cruel would it be to demand for you to wake up and provide him with the pleasure he wanted? There was only one answer.

Gently rolling you onto your stomach, Fyodor watched you for any changes in your body language or face to indicate that you were being disturbed. Unsurprisingly, you remained knocked out. He would be quick anyway, just needed to have you one more time before he could wind down enough to sleep.

He slowly pulled your dress up to your hips for just enough access to your cunt that still dripped with his cum from the sessions not much earlier in the night. Your lacy lingerie bottoms had been discarded long ago, leaving you bare and making his life a hell of a lot easier.

Pulling his briefs down he freed his already hard and leaking cock, wincing at the oversensitivity. Soon he was straddling your hips and using his fingers to spread your lips apart to line himself up and sink his cock into your welcoming cunt. His lingering cum and your slick allowed for more than enough lube, and the way he slid in so easily made him groan. The position meant that your hole was clenched tight around him, and he was already getting dizzy. You only continued to lightly snore, still completely unaware of your husband balls deep inside you.

Leaning over you and bracing his arms on the thick duvet he thrusted into you lazily, his body too worn out to manage much else. There was an occasional yelp or whine from you as his cock presumably dragged against your sweet spot, and he could feel the way you gushed around him unknowingly.

“God you are so fucking perfect for me, so tight and wet and giving your everything to me, even in your sleep,” Fyodor groaned, words broken and mumbled. He was getting tired. “My perfect bride.”

It didn’t take long for him to feel the tug in his stomach and twitch of his balls, quickening his pace before he was yet again spilling all of his cum inside you. He would be absolutely shocked if you didn’t end up pregnant after tonight.

Pulling out and tucking himself back into his briefs, Fyodor fell next to you on the bed and gathered you into his arms – as best he could in spite of your hefty wedding dress, anyway. He had gotten exactly what he needed, and his heavy eyelids began to flutter shut as he imagined what the next decades would look like for the two of you. Blissful dreams of your future children and shared goals swirled in his mind as he too finally gave into the exhaustion that consumed him.

#fyodor x reader #bungo stray dogs smut #bungo stray dogs x reader #fyodor dostoyevsky bsd

[colorfultyrantearthquake]

Hold me close (Rocky Balboa x Fem!reader)

Part I

Description: Suffering loss; Rocky lacks motivation, his trust in himself and his belief in his power. Will he comeback like he always does? Will you have a role in it?

Warnings: Self conflict, self doubt, self criticism, depression, panick attack, anxiety, mentions of physical pain, overthinking, frustration.

Words: 1k+

Setting: not precise, it best suits the 3rd/5th parts if you want to build certain tragic circumstances to justify his depressed state, but no kid or wife.

Note: Hi everyone! I've been searching for some Rocky fics for a while now but haven't found much tbh, so I thought I could write one hehe.

{If anyone reads this or finds it interesting, I'd be delighted to have a feedback. Have fun and thanks in advance!}

Rocky's eyes fluttered open.

Feeling heavy all over, he stares at the ceiling for a good amount of time. Rolling over to his side, eyes shut with face buried into the pillow, he felt his brain go instantly into overdrive.

Rocky felt like throwing up, he was so beaten, not physically, but emotionally, he felt the world's weight on his chest: "If it was on my shoulders I would've carried it better than that." He muttered into the pillow, covering his face with his arm, he felt like crying, wanted to rip this feeling off his chest and become the free strong-willed stallion he's always been.

But this time was different.

After everything he's done, everything he's been through, Rocky always finds himself hitting rock bottom, over and over and over; he lost count. Returning to his first apartment made him sick like he's never been. After all this time and hard work? He only wanted to prove himself to himself, to the world, to everybody, that he deserves to live as much as he fought.

Groaning, he lift himself off the bed, sitting on it's side.

"Yo, get your ass up, you're not gonna be a bum now will ya!" He heard a thought.

" I CAN'T THINK, I CAN'T LIVE, I'M TIRED, I'M BROKE, I DON'T WANT TO FIGHT NO MORE. LET. ME. BE."

Rocky felt his brain splitting in half, wincing at the very loud angry voices sparring in him. He went to the fridge, frame hunched and shoulders slouch, opening it only to find a can of beer, two eggs and a cupcake. Slamming it shut, he went to the mirror, looking at his reflection, his stomach twisted in pain.

Face pale white, once brown eyes became cold and dark, little bags with small red cuts adorned his eyes, hair untamed and almost losing it's shine. Rocky felt afraid, he can't reach the fighter within him, he can't find a cause no more.

No more going to the gymnasium or walking around the city, his doubts of having all these matches being set-ups and the feeling that he wasn't as good as he thought he was turned him into someone he doesn't know, he also went bankrupt already, he never minded losing money, but now it feels like a punch in his guts.

All gone. After all this effort.

Rocky couldn't control his fear anymore, couldn't face it either, he didn't know how to deal with it, all this depression thing was new to him, and it was taking its toll visibly, he always felt frustrated, like there was some angry power buried in his arms.

Every feeling hit him sharply, precisely, like a punch that's been practiced for years, only for him.

Rocky felt waves and jabs of pain everywhere: his heart, abdomen, ribs, lungs, back, face. Falling to his knees, his chest heaved, fighting to take his breath, he felt his vision blur slightly at the beginning.

"I... I can't do this anymore." He whispered, weakness taking over him, worn out, he felt everything all at once, he wasn't used to feeling weak or scared. He didn't want to be broken.

"I. CAN'T. DO. THIS. ANYMORE."

Punching the floor while shouting, every word followed by a punch. Rocky felt hot tears stream down his face, his hands shaking with his body, muscles trembling from the effort and anxiety, feeling his vision swirl and breath slowing; he collapsed on the floor consumed by the void.

"I. CAN'T. DO. THIS. ANYMORE." you heard a loud, masculine shout fill the silence around you, accompanied with various strong punches and a thud as you took the chocolate cake out of the oven. Your cat looked at you in shared curiousity.

You knew there weren't many neighbours in the building, almost none. And the one directly above you was the one and only: Rocky Balboa.

You never really talked much, you knew he had turtles and loved them deeply, you have always been fond of his childlike demeanor, his angelic baby-face, yet you were infatuated with the fighter he became when in action.

Having only talked once or twice, you never got the guts to knock on his door or invite him for beer or coffee, you could barely wave at him when you see him running out of your window, you always felt something at the pit of your stomach when you saw him, you never hang around him long enough to figure out what it was. You weren't the only one who loved Rocky, everybody did, he was everybody's hope, everybody's hero, yet you always felt safe knowing you were in the same space.

You've seen him play countless times, you knew he always had a good and cheerful spirit through ups and downs, no matter how hard his downs were, no matter how frequent they were, you knew how strong he was capable of holding his ground.

So to say you were surprised was an understatement.

You waited for a while, letting the cake cool off, you stumbled closer to where your ceiling was hit, you didn't see much damage only microcracks.

"No way." You stood on your tiptoes to check again, pushing your glasses up your nose for better sight.

Nothing. Absolutely no damage done.

Now you felt concerned.

For a shy, introverted, extremely calm girl, that was a very intense situation. Loud was never your language, you understood it, could handle it, but never use it. You hesitated, pacing back and forth, weighing the possibilities.

"He could be hurt," you paced, "or he could be completely fine." You thought, biting your nails.

"He could be training, it doesn't have to be something serious, right?" You asked your cat who looked at you, confused, as you kept rubbing your hands together stressfully.

Ten more minutes passed without any sign of life coming from upstairs.

Feeling the cold December air seep through the small cracks in your apartment, you were left with no choice.

Grabbing your scarf you put it tight around your neck with your coat, you put slices of the fresh cake you made in a plate -you didn't want to check on him empty handed-, took your keys and went out closing the door way too fast before your cat bolts out.

Taking a deep breath, you took the stairs step by step until you reached his door.

"1818" you whispered as your eyes lingered on the numbers atop of the door, a small barely noticed sign hung beside the door.

"Robert "Rocky" Balboa" you read his name quietly, your thoughts halted as you started worrying.

"Should I call him Robert? Or just Rocky?" You thought as your palms started sweating. "Should I say Mr. Balboa instead?" You scoffed at your silly thoughts.

"Just knock... He could be dead."

Swallowing after your last thought, your nerves getting the best of you, you gather the strength, inhale, and finally, knock on his door three times.

"Uhh, Mr. Robert?"

Rocky's ears twitched, his head and body heavy as if he was hit by a bus, just like the morning after a fight. He felt like an open wound that won't stop bleeding.

"I wanna make sure you're...okay?" The voice was muffled, yet he could hear it close, the statement coming out more as a question.

Rocky groaned as he came to his surroundings. He fought to open his eyes and lift himself off the ground, feeling his hand ache along with his body, his whole being throbbing with pulse.

Rocky got up, swayed a little before leaning on the wall until his vision cleared. He didn't know how to save himself, he felt drowning.

Taking deep breaths, trying to remember what happened to him and how did he end up with bruised hands, a sweaty body and a slightly cracked floor, when the voice spoke again.

"I'm sorry if I'm causing any disturbance. I heard a heavy thud and just wanted to know if I could help with-"

The door flew open suddenly, catching you off guard mid-sentence.

Looking up, you saw Rocky standing, hair messed up, face white as a ghost and full of sweat, dark and cold irises greeted you, unlike the warm chocolate brown you remember.

Eyes swollen with his lids slightly down, baby cuts with bags around them, your eyes traveled to his hands, they were both red, no scratches, no blood, just red, one hand had slightly bruised knuckles, one cheek was a shade darker than his hands.

You guessed that this is the one he fell on.

"Anything I could do for you?" You heard his voice, deep and gravely, heavy with his Italian accent adorned with heavy breaths, it wasn't friendly, but if you weren't home you would've thought he was only training. You didn't know if he recognized you in whatever state he was in.

The plate of cake shaking the slightest bit in your hands, he was taller than you -most definitely-, clad in a white tank top that did nothing to hide his physique, tall firm legs hugged by grey sweats which weren't tight, but completely fair.

You didn't know what to say, you only stared for a lifetime and felt like a complete idiot.

"I-, I didn't mean to- uh, bother you!" You stuttered and exclaimed quickly, being met with unfased eyes, you were extremely uncomfortable, why was he doing this? You weren't sure if he was really hurt or if he was just letting off steam.

Suddenly feeling like it was absolutely none of your business, you couldn't explain how worried you were.

"I'm sorry I thought you needed something... or help....or someone........ This is a really bad idea." Shifting your weight from one foot to another, gazing into the plate like a black hole, squirming under his gaze, you felt your hands sweat as anxiety bubbled in your stomach.

"I don't know what to say I'm- I'm sorry I'm sure it's a misunderstanding...." You breathed heavily.

"I'm gonna leave this here I hope you like it thankyousomuch!"

Giving him no chance to respond, you shut your eyes tightly, pushing the plate straight into his hands, running hurriedly down to your apartment....

==========================

I guess that's the first part! I'm not sure what this will turn into but I hope it goes smooth, it won't be long however, three parts max.

Hope you enjoyed this one, feedback is always appreciated <3

#sylvester stallone #sly #sly stallone #slystallone #Rocky #rocky #rocky balboa #balboa #rocky x reader #sylvester x reader #sylvester stallone x reader #female reader #romance #80s #70s #rockyfic #slyfic #Sylvester Stallone fic #rocky iv #rocky iii #rockyii #rockyi #boxing #Rocky series #rockybalboa #anxeity #rocky fic #neighbours #rocky balboa x reader #rocky balboa x female reader

[melodygatesauthor]

Weekly Update - 06/11/2023

(Just realized I forgot to post this yesterday hehe)

As a reminder, I do weekly updates. You can see the original post here for details on what will be in these!

Updates Below the Cut:

Long/Chaptered Fic Updates

A Bit Dodgy - There WILL be an update tomorrow! 06/13/2023. We have chapter 12 incoming!

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Mini-series Updates

Blue = should be posted this week

Pink = In progress actively (working on but will not be posted this week)

Red = Backburner Fic (not working on this week - will work on a later date)

The Fractured Moon - currently working on These Fractured Knights (TFM Bonus Chapters) 🫣😏 - No new updates this week though.

Feeling You Can't Fight is DEFINITELY coming out this week on Wednesday! I was hoping to post it last week but I didn’t get around to editing it! My goal will be to put out a chapter a week for the next 6 weeks for this one (fingers crossed - will post more often if I finish the chapters sooner than that) but we will see!

Summary

You are the new staff manager for the National Art Gallery in London, replacing the prior manager who you'd heard was unpleasant to work for...and that was putting it kindly.

When you meet the nervous, but friendly, gift shop clerk, you can't help but fall for him almost immediately. When it becomes clear that you can't shake this desire to give Steven everything he deserves and more, you can only hope that he feels the same way about you in return.

It WILL include the other two boys as well. - Coming this week

Working on a secret series based on a series of artwork done by an artist in the community. Hoping to have that out this week! - Coming out this week! (I hope)

Not a Doctor - I’ve been asked by a few people, and I personally have been considering it for a while, doing a part 2 to this fic! It won’t be coming out this week, but it’s in the works! (Still in the planning stages)

Worth the Risk - taking a small step back from this for now. It’s not at the top of my inspiration list so I’m moving it down the line temporarily. - will work on a later date

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Requests Updates

Let’s have a chat about requests guys. So I’ve been really making an effort to work on them, and I’ve been struggling to feel inspired to work on it at this moment in time, and it’s been a little stressful. That being said, I’m going to do a couple of things to simplify this for myself (this does not include things I asked for like Nathan Bateman requests or the 1k drabbles):

1. I’m going to keep them shorter. I think I set up an expectation for myself (and maybe for you guys too) that I’ll be writing lengthy fics for the requests. I’m going to keep them under 2k going forward unless I find it exceptionally inspiring. Please don’t think that your request is bad if I don’t write a longer fic, please just understand that it's all in an effort to manage my time more.

2. I’ll do a bigger post regarding this point once I have a minute to think about it more, but I’m not going to be opening requests again after I finish these ones. As I’ve grown and my work (like my real life job) has gotten busier, this has become a lot to manage all the while continuing to explore my OWN thoughts and ideas. I LOVE giving back to the community and writing for you guys, but it's turned into something that's bringing me anxiety and pressure to perform and that's not how my hobby should feel. - This doesn't mean I won't ever have my inbox or like event drabble requests open and things like that, this is just for regular requests. Like I said, I'll elaborate more in another post.

3. I'm GOING TO FINISH THE REQUESTS BELOW. Some of you had submitted multiples so I'm going to only commit to one of them. Anons, I'm sorry but I'm going to cut you loose. I love you, but I have to let some things go. (Except for the Nathan request since I asked for it and I still haven't ever written for Nathan.)

I hope you all can understand where I'm coming from, and I appreciate your support so so so much. I'm sure there are other writers who have open requests who would love to take over if I end up not doing yours. <3

----

If your request is in blue, that means I'm going to try to work on it this week (06/11-06/17). If it's in pink, I'm going to try to work on it a different week. It's taking me a while to get into the headspace for some of them so thank you for your patience. Green means it's done I'm just working on editing now.

Blue Jones X f!Reader requested by @saraicus

There are 2 prompts in particular that I liked from the list you sent so I'll be doing them. - His eyeliner running down as he’s banging you against his desk.

Moon Boys X f!Reader by @simpforbritgents

Asking for something like Feeling Flustered where the moon boys are doing guided phone sex.

Moon Boys X f!Reader by @mercuryrosesixx

Moon Boys w/ a f!Reader w/ nipple piercings.

Marc Spector X f!Reader by @blueflowerhat

Marc shower sex based on AI prompt.

Doctor Marc Spector X Patient Reader by @burnincrown

Role Reversal (sort of) of Not a Doctor - Marc is the doc, reader is the patient and he takes advantage - Dark Fic - I'M MOVING THIS ONE UP TO MINI-SERIES. It's going to be a long time in the works, and it will probably replace TFM when that one is done so I'm going to put this one up further on next week's update and I will credit you for inspo but I'm not going to necessarily consider it a request since I've been developing quite the lengthy outline for it lol. - Work on it a different week

Nathan Bateman X f!Reader by @campingwiththecharmings

This is the prompt that hit me like a Nathan-shaped mac truck! -> “if you don’t like my teasing why are you moaning”

Nathan Bateman X f!Reader by Anon

Cam girl reader x Nathan - Nathan turns to a cam girl, he's been kinda stalking her. (Excited hehe)

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That's all for now guys! I love you all and thank you so much for all the support you continue to give no matter what. You're amazing <3

#melody gates weekly updates

[ashenburst]

I hate having time at the end of the day, finally sitting down, excited to write, only to find out that I can't write. No words get out! None! Sleep it is since I can't do anything more useful rn. At least Amor Fati's next chapter already has over 1k words written.

On the topic of writing, I wish to put out an

explanation of how/when my future works will be published/updated.

Perhaps during winter (once I'm done with my exams), I would like to write more oneshots for BSD. So far, I've promised a Nikolai x Reader, a Chuuya x Reader, an Ango x Reader, and I'm deeply interested in writing a gruesome Fyolai oneshot. Consider this a loose plan of what's going to come out. And, a disclaimer: I don't write almost anything during summer. This year, I think I'll have around 4000 pages to study for summer exams, which is more than any year so far. If I don't publish anything during winter or early spring, you'll see me next in October at best.

I do feel like I owe an explanation since I'm known for vanishing for extended periods of time. This is the explanation. I'm rawdogging life, but it's fine. I love what I do, and that's why I'll forever return to writing, one way or another. Related, my original book is mostly on hold, as I believe it needs major plot corrections and a better... window to what I wish to portray... anyway, I'll only write smaller scenes here and there. That leaves more room for fanfiction, hehe.

Luckily, BSD is slow to update as well, and neither of us is going away any time soon.

#taking a hiatus from BSD for 2 years and rereading it recently has been a cathartic experience #it has reignited my passion for writing #I also adore the mature lens I regard the series with now #but I miss the knowledge I had several years ago #though I admit it's exciting to restore parts of myself and improve them along the way #I'm simply so deeply happy to be back #and to feel inklings of passion #I haven't felt passion in years... #lux rambles

[marc-spectorr]

YES YES YESS YESSS YOU’VE DONE IT AGAIN!

you have managed to absolutely blow my mind away with your fabulous writing and four kay words 🫡

i loved how subby jake was before breaking the cuffs cus like realistically, almost no cuffs can hold him back yk

just woke up too, opened tumblr and was greeted with this masterpiece. i literally went “ooh cuffed, must be pt2 from a reblog” until I saw PT THREE— i audibly gasped the loudest gasp ever. poof wind knocked right out my lungs

i adore the communication you got jake to do cus communication is just so attractive on him, ESPECIALLY as a sub hehehe

what do you think is next on your list for fics? i can’t wait for more writing, this is a gold mine right here FOLLOW 👹

kay love you lots

timbers=shivered, moonjin xx

moonjin !!! ilysm bby you never fail to make me smile like big ole fool 😭 i’m so incredibly happy that you enjoyed it bc lemme tell you, my anxiety was h i g h when i posted that fic lololol but ugh you’re the dream reader every writer hopes to have and i’m so lucky that you’re one of mine 💕

hehe so up next on the writing agenda is to work on those requested drabbles for my 500/1k followers celebration!!! i’m writing nonstop throughout this week so that i can start sharing them very soon :))

love ya a million times overrrr 🤍✨

#asks #mooonjin

[tickly-trashcan]

GAH sorry i’ve been super absent from tumblr lately T_T queue has been saving my butt! I’ve been finishing up tickletober and working on the 1k event prompts and I just wanted to catch everyone up! (I’ll also be reblogging stuff after october so prepare for like... an onslaught of content LOL)

I have a few of the 1k event prompts done, and I’ve decided to just try and do fics for all the prompts bc I got like.. 14 lol. I said I would try and post some last week but I decided to just wait until november rolls around and I’ll start posting them then. Sorry for the wait! If I’m productive enough they will hopefully all be posted by the end of that month!!

My queue is almost full of tickletober, I only have... 4 more days left to do? I think... Either way, I’m hoping to do every day this year! In November I’m also planning on trying to do NaNoWriMo again, so I apologize in advance if I suddenly become inactive and rely on queue! Anyways this update is getting too long orz so I’m gonna cut it there and get back to writing hehe! Have a good day/night everyone!!

#update #also if anyone has suggestions for nano ideas T_T #i might just do a fic tbh #bc my story isnt coming together #i might make a different post with my ideas in a bit #anyways

[eunivrse]

hii! i’m wondering if you can do an experienced! armin x virgin! reader scenario? your armin content>>>

home base. [armin arlert]

summary: you’re so lucky to have a boyfriend that insisted on not taking it to the next level until you’re 100% sure that you’re ready. but now that you are, he’s more than thrilled to show you the ropes.

NSFW LINKS (that i think fit the theme): here

content warning: virginity loss, oral, lots of praises mm

word count: approx. 1k

note: hey!! hi! thank you !!! i know u asked for a scenario but i ended up writing a whole drabble fic thingy… it’s not too long tho hehe

“does that feel good?” your hands tangling his blonde locks and your thighs shaking, you nod, wondering to yourself why you haven’t been doing this since the start.

the most progress you’ve done with armin in terms of sexual activities was him giving your breasts hickeys during one of the first few weeks of your relationship. when he reached for your underwear and was about to rid of your panties, you stopped him.

you didn’t tell him you were a virgin until in that moment. you were ashamed for one, since most people your age has probably already lost their virginities, but armin didn’t care.

in fact, he encouraged you to wait until you’re fully ready. he liked you for you, not what was under your clothes. sex is just another type of way to express his affection for you, but if you aren’t feeling it, then what’s the point of him pressuring you into something that you won’t like?

it’s one of those friday nights where you come over to his place to have dinner and watch movies til you fall asleep on each other’s arms. school has been hectic and all you wanted to see was his face.

one peck on your forehead turned into a kiss on the lips. that kiss turned into a make-out session, your tongue playing with his and his hands on the warmth of your waist as you sat on his lap. it was in the middle of this that you told him.

“i want to continue. please take my virginity.”

you were surprised at the words that came out of your mouth, mostly at the way you worded it. not as astonished as armin was though. he knew you were gonna be ready eventually, but now?

so many thoughts were running through his head, he almost couldn’t think straight as he stared at your glossy lips, the movie on the background still playing as you waited for him to answer. it’s always making out then you stop it there. you caught him off guard when you said you wanted to advance to the home base.

“um- sorry. that came out of nowhere i’m-“

“no, no. it’s fine… are you sure though?”

“yes. i want you to be my first, ‘min.” you give him one last kiss on the forehead before he grabbed your hips to move you back on the couch as he stood up.

he held your hand, turned off the TV by pressing on the controller, and walked you to his bedroom. when you heard the clink sound of the door closing, you felt the atmosphere change.

“baby, you remember the word i taught you if ever you feel uncomfortable, right?” you nod and he kissed you once more while you made your way on the bed. you sat on the edge of the mattress and he kneeled on the ground while tugging down your shorts.

“wait. you don’t have to kneel on the floor.” you brushed your hand up his hair, the moonlight from the blinds reflecting on his golden locks.

“but you kneel to praise, don’t you?” he looked you in the eye, eyes as blue as the deepest part of the ocean. you helped him take off the rest of your clothes, leaving you completely naked in front of him.

he cupped both of your knees, pulling it apart to spread you. “you’re worth kneeling to.” he gave your inner thigh a small peck before using two of his fingers to rub your clit, your mouth escaping such pretty little whimpers.

you know the gist of how sex works, but nothing compares to when someone is doing it to you. you’ve watched your fair share of porn you found on twitter and masturbating never really worked for you, the farthest you’ve done was flick your clit until you felt something and called it a day.

but armin. the way he coaxes you in with his words, the way his fingers skillfully rub one of your erogenous zones while he nipped on your inner thigh; you were in heat. you want more.

he used his pointer finger to slide it in your already wet pussy, easing it in to make sure it doesn’t hurt for you. he left your thigh bruises, his lips going straight for your clit to give it a kiss.

“ah! armin- it- it feels good.” that only encouraged him to lick in between your slit while his finger curled inside you, your hand shoving him further down your pussy.

he sighs, warm breath against your cunt. “am i making you feel good, my love?” you couldn’t do anything but moan mhm and nod as he used his tongue and fingers on you.

then you feel it. it wasn’t a cramp, but you felt like your gut was tightening and was about to snap. it wasn’t long until you let go, releasing your load, creamy substance oozing out of you while you twitched. he rubbed your clit to help you come down from your orgasm, your lips quivering at the new feeling.

“how was it?” he swiped your slit with a finger, collecting some of your cum, then running it down from in between your breasts to your abdomen.

“good… it felt good.” you were still breathing heavily. good doesn’t even begin to describe how you felt. it was hard for you to find other words to describe how it was when your mind is so blurred with thoughts of how much more pleasurable it’ll be once it’s his cock that’s inside you.

“do you wanna keep going?” he stood up, hand grabbing onto your jaw gently to make you look him in the eye.

“…yes.” your hands unzipped him off his pants, seeing his boner through his boxers. he undressed himself off his shirt, revealing his toned body. his upper part is all you’ve seen after he changed into your extra clothes that one time in your apartment when he spilled orange juice all over himself.

you were tugging on the hem of his boxers, pulling it down and revealing his cock. he wasn’t too thick, though it was on the lengthier side. your hand trembled as your palm snaked around it, the cold sensation making armin grunt. you used your thumb to rub the tip, spreading the beads of precum all over it.

once you got the hang of it, you slid your hand along his cock, armin not being able to hold his noises. “nn— hah, baby…” he pushes your hand away.

no way he’s gonna cum until he’s inside you. your hand felt a little too pleasurable and he was getting way too into it even though it was just a hand job. you really have a big effect of him; hand jobs don’t usually get him this riled up.

“that was… god, you did a great job.” he sighs, reaching his hand towards the nightstand just a few inches away from him and opening the drawer, pulling out a condom and the bottle of lube he hasn’t touched since god knows when.

you backed up on the bed, laying down with your head just near the headboard as you watched armin roll the latex on his cock and slather the lube on him, pumping himself a few times to spread it evenly. he groaned at the feeling then hopped on the bed to hover over you.

you were so pretty and pure for him, splayed out with your hardened nipples and puffy pussy ready to be used. he really wishes he could share his first time with you too, but he’s glad that he can show you how good cock feels as your first. it’s one of the few things he takes pride on.

“are you ready?” he asks, your hands cupping his cheeks and pulling him down for a peck. “make me feel good, armin.” you smile.

he laid his cock on top of your pussy, sliding it down to transfer some of the lube on you, the both of you moaning from the sensation. he was moving slow, making sure you don’t get hurt from him being too fast. he looks at your face as reference to let himself know if something’s wrong or not.

he was halfway inside you, your legs twitching when he asked, “still good?” you nod, giving him the implication that you were ready for the rest.

he reached you balls deep, he was completely inside you. you shook a bit, grabbing ahold of armin’s arms from either side of you for leverage. it was a little uncomfortable, but in a more-than-okay way.

“please. i’m ready.” you sigh, armin not shying away from moving in the pace he wished to. it was the perfect speed, not too slow that it leaves him impatient and not too fast that it makes it painful for you.

you rolled your hips to match his, your hands kneading your boobs as you stared at armin’s face. he looked at you full of lust, the type of eyes you’d get lost to.

he used his thumb to press your bottom lip, your mouth opening to suck on it as you planted the soles of your feet on the mattress, spreading your legs further apart.

armin wanted to see how you’d react if he fucked deeper into you, thrusting himself a little more aggressively to get a reaction. “oo, fuck yes, right there baby.” you pushed your breasts together, eyes completely shut from armin reaching your g-spot.

good god you’re taking him so well and you look gorgeous doing it. armin has slept with a handful of individuals from previous relationships, and none of them looked and felt as wonderful as you do. yes, you’re a virgin and you’re probably only making sensitive noises because you’ve never had anything inside you, but fuck you’re addicting.

“yeah? like this?” he repeated the same movement, your eyes rolling at the back of your head and lips struggling to form a word.

you pushed your hips up, rutting yourself further around him to drive yourself to cum. armin moved his thumb right on your clit in fast circles, encouraging your throat to moan out nothing but his name.

your lips falter a silent scream, your voice cracking as you released all over his cock, sticky substance glazing the condom.

your facial expression is what got armin pulsating, his thrusts getting sloppier, struggling to praise you as he whimpered your name before cumming and filling the latex full of cream.

his face fell, kissing you softly as he kept himself inside you. “you were incredible, baby.” armin made you feel included, invigorating you instead of making you feel like shit for being an adult virgin. he’s all you could ever ask for in a partner.

you chuckle, the tip of your noses touching. “i love you.”

#armin arlert smut #armin smut #armin x reader smut #armin arlert x reader #armin arlert x reader smut #armin x reader #attack on titan smut #aot smut #snk smut #armin arlert #armin #attack on titan #aot fanfiction #aot x reader #aot x reader smut

[soobirou]

s/o’s friends say something bad about them

anon requested: hi i love ur writing so so much! could i request something angsty like the members overhearing/seeing their s/o’s friends talking bad about their s/o & what they’d do about it? points for extra angst i wanna get in my feels hehe 🤧🤧

word count: 1k

genre: angst

pairing: txt x gn reader

warnings: bullying ??

a/n: omg i’m so sorry if this is bad 😔 but please enjoy!!

＃soobin

soobin won’t necessarily confront them either but he will make sure that it’s really your friends

like listening in on the conversation and taking note of who’s there and betraying you

afterwards, he’ll find a time to talk to you about it like when you aren’t upset or feeling down. this why you’ll take it better

“you don’t really expect me to believe my friends would say anything like like that do you?!” it was difficult to grasp the fact that soobin was accusing your childhood friends of saying something bad about you. i just mean…how could they? this definitely wasn’t possible, right?? shocked at your sudden anger outburst, it took soobin a few minutes sort out what he should say next before uttering a small “it’s the truth” anything else that left his mouth automatically went in through one ear and out the other as you ignored whatever else he said “…please i’m telling—” you’re already cutting him off with a “i think we should take a break” before walking off to your room leaving soobin sitting in the, now lonely, living room.

＃yeonjun

yeonjun definitely isn’t scared to confront people

so he WILL go up and confront them

“aren’t you supposed to be y/n’s friends..why are you talking so badly about them??” yeonjun can honestly feel his blood boilingat this point as he folded his arms. “ah—yeonjun~ we didn’t see you there” a brunette addressed him, causing his jaw to clench at how fake they were.

but he’s really protective too and doesn’t want to see you crying in his arms

so yeonjun would rather distance you away from them instead mentioning what he overheard

so please don’t be mad if you find out that he knew that your friends were talking behind your back

unless

“yeonjun…why didn’t you tell me that my friends were talking about me behind my back??” the question caught yeonjun off guard as he looked over towards you, not knowing how to respond. “well, i just thought that it wasn’t that important” was what he decided to go with, feeling confused by this sudden interrogation. “not important?! you’re my boyfriend yeonjun, you should’ve at least said something!!” “like what?!” his voice made you flinch, causing him to feel bad once he realized this. “y/n….i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to raise my voice at you—“ “just forget about it” you huffed out a response, feeling annoyed at yeonjun’s behavior as you ignored him for the next few days.

＃beomgyu

beomgyu goes from :D to :|

“you all are awful friends, i hope you’ll feel bad especially since y/n is such a good friend to every one of you” beomgyu finally says after getting close enough for your friends to hear him

feels bad about the whole thing and takes you to do something fun when you’re free that afternoon

doesn’t necessarily tell you unless you start to find out

“you know i wouldn’t lie to you y/n..” tension condensed the silence atmosphere. “do i really though beomgyu?” you had to wonder how beomgyu stayed so calm, while he was making up a whole story about the best people you knew. “please y/n, just listen for a second” “sorry, but i think i’m done listening to anything you have to say beomgyu…” the words spilled from your lips before he could even explain himself and the situation. too bad you didn’t realize that beomgyu was so calm because he didn’t have enough strength to yell back, his heart shattering while seeing you walk out the front door, never to be ever seen again.

＃taehyun

at first taehyun doesn’t outwardly confront them but he won’t just walk away from it either

let’s say he went to pick up you guys’s favorite order at a cafe and he overheard your friends insulting you

it would probably go something like this

“oops, i’m so sorry! i didn’t mean to bump into you” taehyun’s voice is laced with fake sincerity as he stood with a crushed coffee cup, which had just “accidentally” spilled on your best friend. “oh taehyun, it’s nice seeing you here!” “i guess so..oh and also stay away from y/n please” with that he’s already out the door, not waiting to hear a response.

wouldn’t tell you unless you really kept trying to hang out with your friends, bc he thinks it’s not healthy that they’re still pretending to like you

it could go pretty good or

“please just listen to me y/n!” taehyun’s hands grasped your wrists, keeping you still. “they’re no good for you” “and you are?!!” it was hard to accept the fact that taehyun really thought that your friends could do this. you knew that he wasn’t fond of them, but making up a whole lie about them wasn’t the right way to go. “you’re really choosing to believe them over me..?” it was hard not to notice the sadness that seeped into his voice as you pulled your wrists out of his hands, confirming his question with a small nod. “if you can’t trust me, then maybe we should break up” was all that he said before walking towards the door. deep in his heart, taehyun was hoping you would ask him not to go. to stay with you…yet he never heard one before walking out that door.

＃hueningkai

can’t comprehend whether or not he’s hearing this right

“y/n doesn’t deserve to be with him anyways” hueningkai’s head whipped around in each direction, swearing that he could heard some say your name.

when he finally figures out that it was your friends talking about you, he can’t help but feel hurt himself

kai will tell you though because he thinks you deserve to know

“they were saying mean things about you…” you didn’t want to believe what he was saying, but you were supposed to just pick your friends over your boyfriend? unfortunately you didn’t pick the latter. “that’s a funny joke kai” “it’s not a joke though” he said almost immediately, your eyes slightly widening at the comment. what should you say? do? was he really trying to turn you again your friends? his deep brown eyes stared into your own distracted ones before shaking his head. “i must��ve just misheard”

instead of fighting and possibly losing you,,he would rather just let you realize what was going on by yourself

will still be there for you the whole way through

#txtarcadianet #choi beomgyu #choi beomgyu x reader #choi soobin #choi soobin x reader #choi yeonjun #choi yeonjun x reader #hueningkai x reader #hueningkai #txt x reader #txt reactions #txt scenarios #txt imagines #txt headcanons #kang taehyun #kang taehyun x reader

[goopyartiste]

Under the Sunset Sky

Prompt: Leo with Izuku for my 100 follower event!

Pairing: Izuku Midoriya x Reader

Word Count: 1k

Warnings: intense fluff. that is all

A/N: this one was so much fun to write! it was nice to write a nervous and flustered izuku while also showing a really caring side to him hehe. since Leo season is near the end of summer and their main colors are orange and yellow, i tried to emphasize that. also, i may have put too much emphasize on the cheerful and warm hearted aspect but whatever. hope you all enjoy <3

Normally, many people would spend the last few weeks of the summer season with a bang, hoping to at least make a few crazy memories. You, on the other hand, preferred to spend it with your boyfriend, relaxing together as the last days of summer drew to a close. The weather had become temperamental, ranging from cooling breezes to excruciating heat waves, yet overall this season seemed the most predictable. At the park, the world seemed to be in a constant state of change. The leaves had started to lose some of their vibrant greens, replacing them with the softest oranges and yellows imaginable. With each speckling of colors, the memories from the summer passed you by. A cool breeze blew around you as you grew thankful for the light jacket you were wearing until suddenly you felt two warm arms wrap around your waist.

Warmth spread across your back, your boyfriend’s own body heat radiating from him. Izuku gently left a sweet peck on your cheek before placing his chin in the crook of your neck.

“Hey sunshine, how long were you waiting out here for me?” he calmly asked, though you could hear his voice shaking a little, still not used to showing affection publicly.

You breathe a sigh of relief at his actions, feeling a sense of relaxation wash over you thanks to the comfort his mere presence gives you. “Not long actually. I’ve just been lost in thought.”

“Ah! That’s good!” Izuku suddenly pulled away, somehow finding a mistake in his own words. “I meant that it’s good that you didn’t wait for me too long. But it’s also okay to be lost in thought! I mean I do it all the time!”

You cut his ramblings off with a slight giggle, turning around to face him. As you did, however, all you managed to do was entrance him with your beauty. While you attempted to stop your laughs, Izuku smiled as he fell more in love with every aspect of you, from the crinkle of your eyes when you smiled to the way your nose scrunches as you laugh. You never ceased to amaze him, and he wouldn’t change it for the world.

“Izu? Do I have something on my face? You haven’t stopped looking at it.”

Izuku jumped slightly at the sound of your voice. Had he been staring? For how long? Slowly, you saw his face flare up with a crimson hue as he frantically began to wave his arms, almost as if to hide the fact that he’s embarrassed. You sent him a small smile, clearly finding his flustered antics endearing. Once he manages to calm down, you bring his scarred hand into yours, clasping them together tightly. He reciprocates while lovingly gazing into your eyes. 

Something catches your eyes in the far off distance. Standing up from your seat on the park bench, you begin to drag him to the outskirts of the park with Izuku letting out a small yelp at the sudden tugging and pulling.

“W-wait, Y/N? Where are we going?” He stutters out, trying to keep up with the rapid pace of your footsteps. 

You continue walking with a purpose, hurrying along the park’s many winding pathways. “You’ll see soon Izu. I think you’ll like this. Now hurry up you slowpoke we might miss it!”

The park’s concrete sidewalks slowly began to morph into millions of tiny sand granules, the lush trees and grass becoming scarce in favor of the wide open sea. Suddenly, Izuku realized what you wanted to show him so bad.

Staring up at the sky on the shore of the beach, the two of you were met with an entrancing sunset, one that melded the natural yellows and oranges of the sky in a spellbinding dance with each other, the blinding sun in the center of all the madness as colors and clouds circled around it.

Izuku breathed out a sigh, “It’s beautiful…”

“The perks of a late summer sky, I guess,” you responded, chuckling slightly at his mesmerized emerald eyes.

“Or it could be the new autumn sky. You know, since summer is ending and all.”

You looked once again at your boyfriend, trying to memorize every single detail of his face, staring into his eyes. He felt your lingering gaze and slowly turned his whole body to face you, grabbing your other hand. You watched him as he drew in a shaky breath, closing his eyes before showing off a small strained smile as he looked anywhere but your eyes.

“Um, Y-Y/N? The sky may be r-really pretty, but I think y-you’re prettier,” he stuttered out, the freckles on his cheeks almost disappearing from how red his face was becoming.

Despite Izuku’s nervous demeanor and his flushed face, he never ceased to make butterflies explode in the pit of your stomach. Letting out another soft chuckle, as you had done all afternoon, you tenderly guided his hands to hold your face as you lovingly gazed into his emerald eyes. Whenever he runs his thumb along the backside of your hands or holds your face gently with every ounce of love he has, all you can do is reciprocate with just as much love.

A soft breeze blew in, bringing the chilling air of autumn from the expansive ocean in front of you two. The rays from the sun caressed every inch of Izuku’s face, dousing every feature in a warm orange glow. His juniper hair was slightly ruffled, but his eyes shone with such an intense drive. At your touch, he felt more relaxed, more at ease with himself. To you, however, he looked more handsome like this, in the moments where it was just the two of you together, relishing in each other’s tender embraces. With a tender peck on his lips, you continued your walk along the shoreline with a flustered Izuku in tow, hand in his as the sea breeze blew around your figures.

The summer season may be drawing to a close, but the two lovebirds couldn’t care less as long as they were together.

Taglist (Open!)

@peach-pops @kirislut @deephasoceanmagic @katsushimaa @hannahalanib1 @estridries @art0saurus @yee-harr @shoutamajiki @spookykiri @animatedarchives @meliorist-midoriya @sugas-sweetheart @suggiebabe @justamultifandomfan16 @ohno-grapes

#izuku midoriya x reader #midoriya x reader #mha x reader #mha x y/n #izuku midoria x reader #izuku midoriya #izuku bnha #izuku mha #deku midoriya #deku #deku x reader #bnha x reader #bnha fanfiction #Expanding the Universe; Pilot at — 100 ☄

[wavesmp3]

directors cut: oasis

[doing this entirely for myself, out of pure self indulgence lol] [this will be very messy/poorly organized and there will be spoilers]

okay so where to even begin omg..... we will start with the origins of oasis:

its actually, techinically a spin off of the world from this drabble with dino from svt. which the world in this drabble is what the world from oasis would look like very far in the future. but i changed a lot between writing that drabble and creating oasis. but there should be a scene in the drabble that is very similar to a part in oasis (hint: the first vision they got from saskila was not just a random vision with no meaning.......hehe)

but that drabble (its titled dreamscapes) was inspired by a mix of this post on tumblr about how nuclear waste warning signs sounded very cool and the book that i was reading called the children of blood and bone by tomi adeyemi

and then after i had made that drabble i saw dee’s (@/atbzkingdom’s) post about the time capsule collab, and i had a couple ideas of what i could do for it but i ultimately decided on what would eventually become oasis !! so i guess we really have dee and that collab to thank for this piece lol

now for the timeline of me writing:

so i started outlining this piece in the first couple days of january, and normally outlines take me a while to come up with just because i struggle in coming up with plot, but i knew that my spring semester of classes would be starting soon and that I didn’t have a lot of time so i just sort of grinded an outline out as well several paragraphs of pure worldbuilding. 

and then i started writing

and wow i was Really writing!! at my peak productivity i was easily getting down like 2k a day which for me is insane (for reference, i wrote 1k a day for tsiytt and i struggled my way through that) 

but then life happens classes had begun and my writing for oasis slowly become nothing... 

i really only found the time to work on the piece every other weekend, so i was really nervous that i wouldn’t finish in time (which technically i didn’t cause it was supposed to come out march 1st) but luckily i did

and at some point in february, i had lost so much of my momentum and motivation for this piece that i almost gave up on it. (at this point i was writing the scenes after they find the seat of wisdom destroyed) but again luckily i did not, but i personally can definitely see a decline in the quality of my writing towards the end (i mean maybe its in my head, but its sort of like i can see the loss of love for the wip in my writing at the end of it)

but don’t misunderstand, i still love oasis!! and in all honesty, i’m already considering starting a second draft to it, which is way sooner than i thought i would lol

also when i started writing this piece, i began writing it in the order that it would be read, but then halfway i switched to writing chronologically

anyways, something i learned while writing this piece, is that writing is a marathon. whereas, even with my longer pieces, i always viewed writing as a sprint. so as i start venturing into original works and more lengthy pieces of writing, i think this was a very valuable lesson for me to have learned.

okay now to the good stuff lol: [the first word of the bullet about the next chapter (?) is bolded for some crumbs of an organized commentary]

so this is jumping to the first past bit... but when i first wrote farah i had a very different plan for her character than who she ended up being. i had imagined that she’d be a lot more cold and a tough love sort of person. so that’s who i was writing when she’s first introduced in the flashback, but she very quickly become a much kinder full of love sort of person. but anyways i mention this because whenever i read that first part and the introduction of her character, i’m always a bit taken aback by how like mean here character is to crown then lol

also zoar !!!! its a terrible place, but i love that underground city

i also wrote the first flashback after i had written the scene where crown and chanhee are talking at his place in andhor, so the whole “fearless” connection was done very purposefully here since i knew how it’d be referenced in the next scene. someone mentioned this small connection in their reblog but i cant remember who 

also rashi is my favorite character xD

i personally think how crown and chanhee became friends (the running thing) is so cute 

this first bit of conversation between crown and chanhee when it switches back to the present and chanhee is giving them a tour of andhor is actually quite important to me, in the sense that its the first glimpse of how their actual relationship works and how they act together and just like their dynamic despite the fact that they havent seen each other in so long 

and yeah i think kyu mentioned this and a few others, but i love how awkward it is when chanhee and crown are in his home in andhor, cause one: they havent seen each other in years! but also: anyone else find going to someone’s place for the first time oddly intimate, like wow you’re opening up your home to me and now suddenly idk how to sit or stand or what to do with my arms... maybe just me LMAO

DUDE i struggled so hard with making it so that chanhee knew how impossible this whole mission was going to be without actually revealing that he knows about the mirror. it was so hard for me, hopefully it came out alright though. if anyone is reading this, did the twist(s) come as a shock to you? did you see it coming? or did it feel like it came out of absolutely no where and not in a good way?

yes i did name the desert after the department store kohls .....

i was so excited to explain all the mage types, i had so much fun writing this whole chapter 

fun fact: there was originally another sub group of psyche mages called dream mages who had like powers with dreams and stuff, but it ended up being irrelevant and really underdeveloped so it took it out

if anyone else was raised catholic or is catholic then i’d hope you recognize the names of all the relics.... i stole them from a prayer in the rosary whoops

it took me very long time to figure out exactly how the whole soul for the relic business would work, and idk if im a 100% satisfied with what it is/how it works/how it plays into rashi giving chanhee the locket

the note new gives crown.... the first slice of their friendship blooming, bro i eat that shit up 

this part where crown and rashi are talking after the lesson is actually one of my favorites. (like i said i love rashi, but i just really love her interreacting with crown, i think they have such an interesting dynamic and one that i’ve seen irl a lot between students and teachers, where the student adores the teacher... i’ll get more into this later) but moving on, i like it for a number of reasons. one: it’s the first time we as readers get to see rashi talk outside of her role as lesson master. two: i love crown getting this validation from rashi. it’s not really expanded on a lot, but crown’s magic is definitely a bit of an insecurity for them, in the way that they don’t feel like it belongs to them. but here rashi comes, this person that crown looks up to so much, and telling crown that they’re a bit similar when it comes to having magic. and surprising crown by comforting them. and... idk i just really love this moment for crown.

okay this line: “You call your mom Rashi?” is a lowkey reference to game plan,, if anyone knows what i’m talking about then please come clown me for nearly having the entire movie memorized 

oh, i also find the capital really cool. in my head the capital was always one huge building that contains an entire city but i realized while editing that i never really explained that, so idk if i successfully described the capital as cool as it is to me 

also the five friends part.....CUTE

when chanhee says “i know. i remember.” !!! girl i felt that line with my entire chest. idk why

okay wait this part: “But that knowledge seems to fall flat right now. Because despite everything, curiosity won the war.” i love it so much, its that tiny of sliver of hope that gets me personally

i think this part where crown’s pride is so hurt by no one telling them about chanhee’s healing magic is quite important because its a glimpse of how stubborn and prideful and headstrong of a character they can be 

also this : “ ‘and do you believe everything rashi says’ / without hesitation, you answer, ‘yes, of course’ “ this is another example of how highly crown thinks of rashi while growing up, almost to a fault. to the point where crown thought rashi could do no wrong. which i think is so interesting to think about when contrasted with the fight crown and chanhee have in the jungle where crown is the one discussing how rashi was wrong. i just like how much growth crown has had between all these years. and their opinion / perspective on rashi is one of the largest indicators of that growth. 

I also just really like that paragraph where shadow vs healing is explained... I think chanhee’s magic is so sick

oh also the names thing.... I can’t remember where I got the idea to do that from but im so glad I did. its one of my favorite aspects to this world, and it looks like a lot of other people enjoyed it as well. but apart from the intimacy of it, i love how the use of names affects one’s magic. and that paragraph where they go through all that a mage could do with a name. it gives me chills. just cause.... the possibilities

so many people have mentioned this line.... but I must too, so this part: “magic always comes with a price. this is new’s” ..... crazy

saskila scares me omg

again the first vision they see is not a random scene.... the easter eggs I planted with that mwahaha

yeah that scene where they’re outside the tent discussing who should give their name to saskila..... I love that scene chanhee’s “I don’t have anyone but you” and crown deflecting all that tension with the pinky promise and the saskila calling them lovers.... mwah

this random scene about the hot summer and laying with Farah and new in the gardens is another one of my favorite, it’s just so sweet

but this next scene makes me so sad

like I know what happens and I know that everything turns out okay but I get so scared for crown

yeah just that entire part after Rashi gets to them and when they’re going to the infirmary and before crown passes out... I love that whole part. i think i did an effective job of writing the gravity of that whole moment. cause it makes me a little stunned every time I read it. and I was pretty nervous about not being able to do that scene and that moment justice so I’m glad it turned out like it did

and again this line: magic always comes with a price, and in your case, it comes with several.

okay this part after they jump out of the ship and crown is talking to Chanhee but that other dude is talking too... I hope it’s not too confusing. I really wanted to show through the writing that this was all happening at the same time, but idk it came out well. like in my mind I have such a clear picture of this scene, but I have no clue if I did effective job of showing you guys what I’m seeing through the writing

oh yeah, crowns thing about dual wielding and engulfing the blades in flames.... I find that so cool. they’re so sick for that

yeah also the part where crowns hurt and they give Chanhee their name and they use it.... great moment, but I feel like my writing is a bit lacking here. i just know it could be better.

I think at this point of writing my classes had started, and again the disparity in writing quality is so obvious to me 

but the line where chanhee is describing how it all feels, and it says “chanhee feels golden” was inspired by daylight by taylor swift, theres a line in that song that goes “i used to think love would be burning red, but its golden” and like hello the parallels between that and crown’s fire magic.... something to think about 

so this next part where it’s back to the past and crown is getting in trouble (as crown does) but the part where crown is like asking but not directly asking for rashi’s name.... that part is so crazy to me cause it’s feels so out of place. but it was purposeful. i was trying to show that crown’s growing and that they’re at this weird age where they feel invincible. and also i wanted to put more emphasis on how being royal and the heir to the throne kind of effects the relationships crown has

and the last line of this part when rashi says “never abuse it” it gives me chills whew

the next part ... another part that i had high hopes for in the outlining stages of writing, but when it came to actually writing, this scene totally flopped, i’m gonna try not to dwell on this part too much cause i just know most of my comments will be about how much i don’t like it. but just overall, this scene could have been SO MUCH BETTER !

omg this little interaction: ““Look!” Chanhee deadpans, shooting you a glare. “The match is about to begin.” / “Wish me luck.” /  “I hope you lose.”” i think its so funny and cute

“ Your eyes immediately got to Rashi “ another example of how highly crown regards rashi 

“In Wurltan.” hmmmmmm sus.... *laughs in i love mentioning things that won’t make sense to reader until later*

okay this: “Yes, but not just any mage. I…” your voice trails off, pulling at your fingers and looking anywhere but at him. “I wanted you to know.” i cannot stand these two omg 

okay this part: “Chanhee thinks and overthinks the words spoken between you both. His mind drifts off to last night as well, that moment in the tent where you shared your warmth. He doesn’t even realize he’s staring at you until you give him a funny look. He quickly looks away and wonders if you’re overthinking everything as relentlessly as he is.” this part makes me think about what ina said about how chanhee shows his love by keeping you in his thoughts and YEAH chanhee’s love language in this piece is thinking about you and staring LOL

i hate this next part, not cause i don’t like it or anything it just makes me sad 

but this line: “Like if someone shoved you from behind right now, you wouldn’t push back; you’d let yourself fall straight to the ground.” i actually love that line

also this next entire bit i see SO clearly in mind, i hope i wrote it well enough so that you all saw it clearly too

when chanhee wipes the dirt.... girl i’m wiping my tears 

this line : “We’ll lean on each other.” mini love declaration sighhhhhh

yeah that whole part i love so much 

the seat of wisdom :(((( no!!!!!

so about this line: “He stares at his palms, at all the lies buried under each nail and at all the secrets shoved in every crack. He watches as they all blow up in front of his face.” >> i had like ten different versions of it before i settled on this one lol

okay so the first part of the last past flashback with crown realizing their true feelings... so soft 

news gone, rashis’s dead, :((( it makes me so sad

gosh okay this paragraph..... “I’ve always wondered why the gods blessed me and you the way that they have. They entrusted you with such great power. The only person to be both a healing and shadow mage in centuries. And then,” a tear falls from her eye, “they entrusted you to me.” Chanhee thinks this might be the first time he’s seen Rashi cry. “But now I have reason to believe that this was no accident. I’m beginning to think that the gods have always known it would come to this. And I’m starting,” she falters there, “I’m starting to spite them for it.”  it hurts so bad im sorry 

the first confrontation with harlan took me so long to write, and i’m still not sure if i actually like it, so again i will refrain from commenting lol

but the part where crown screams : “YOU LOST THE MIRROR OF JUSTICE!”  I think i told kyu this but this line makes me laugh because in my head its said the same way bella says: “you nicknamed my daughter after the lochness monster” whenever i see that line i smile lol

honestly this argument scene..... one of my absolute faves,,, everything lina said about it in that reblog just yes!yes!yes!! i can’t even comment about a particular part because all of it i love so much. its another part that leaves me slightly speechless.

but my favorite part of it might be how it ends hehe

these next couple parts were a bit diffucult to write because obviously the air between crown and chanhee is not very light right now so it was just hard to navigate their dynamic at these moments until they apologize but hopefully it turned out alright

i really like this line: “But this moment—with the scent of Harlan’s wine under his nose and the chill of Harlan’s blade against his neck—this moment feels nothing like those. It feels empty.” 

“ Chanhee just stares at you.“ -- staring as a love language exhibit b 

this whole part... chills bro 

“Chanhee exhales because for the first time since this afternoon he looks at your face and sees you.” -- exhibit c ....

okay wait another one of my favorite parts here: the spilled glass metaphor!! again please reference lina’s rb on this because everything said there... could not have said better myself. inspired by this writing advice by ocean vuong and yeah i just think the metaphor speaks for itself, one of my favorite lines (well paragraph) from the entire piece, actually from ALL of my works 

it was so hard to think up all of yumi’s different names, i was struggling

them talking about how farah will be happy to see chanhee...... how do i break it to you crown.....she’s dead...... awkward

red streak q! yesss. also i’m so sorry for killing off farah 

also kyunyu bestiessss

tbh this whole paragraph: “I get this overwhelming burst of honesty. As if what you both speak of is more than just a simple truth, as if it’s a commandant you blindly follow. What’s even odder is that I only feel that burst when you speak of each other.” Q stops walking and turns so that he faces Chanhee directly. “You speak of Crown constantly. And last night, when I met Crown, your title never left from the tip of their tongue. Humans are so simple really. We mention what we love.” Q pauses for a moment, bringing a hand under his chin. “Do you love Crown?” --i wrote it for myself no regrets

oh wait this bit too : “Quietly, Chanhee says, “I know.” / “Have you been watching?” / “I’ve been waiting.” / “For what?” / He meets your eyes. “For you.”” -- sometimes i do things that live rent free in my own mind

okay im so sorry for just quoting myself but this too : “ He sits back slightly. Shocked. Not by his love for you, but rather by how easily love walked into his heart and settled between his lungs “

lol the part where they try fooling q... why are crown and chanhee like this

the running !!!

yeah also every part after that... tears okay

yumi’s magic !!! its so cool to me, i love it so much 

i surprisingly don’t have much to say about the end... i mean i like it, but i just don’t have any comments. the last line tho... good one shawna

okay im done for you sake i hope no one read this lmao 

#oasis #mine #not sure what else to tag this lol #oh #directors commentary #this got so long for no reason

[aliendes]

One More Day

shy!yoongi, brother!namjoon, depressed!reader

Warnings: TRIGGER WARNING! heavy angst, mentions of death/suicide, dark themes, mentions of alcohol and drug use, Joon is a straight up asshole I am so sorry (it gets better in the end), reader smokes cigarettes (if that bothers you?), depression/anxiety. This story is in no way meant to romanticize suicide, if you or someone you know is suffering, please call or text 1-800-273-8255.

Word count:  27837 (yikes I am actually sorry) Genre: Angst, fluff NSFW because of suicide mentions?

A/N: Did I write a Christmas story in the middle of July? Yes. Am I sorry? Also, yes. This is entirely unedited and was only meant to be like a 1k drabble. As you can see, it got away from me a little (a lot). I will eventually go back and edit, but I cannot be bothered right now. I’m so sorry for my shitty character development here, I was just trying to get this out of my brain and it just snowballed (hehe) into this monster.  If anyone is interested, I wouldn’t mind doing drabbles about this couple in the future! Send me an ask! This is a work of fiction. Any character names/likenesses are coincidence are are not meant to represent actual people.  **PLEASE READ!: Hi all! This is my first fic that I am posting to this blog. THANK YOU for reading this! If you like this story, I would REALLY appreciate it if you could reblog/comment on the fic. Also! Follow me if you’re interested in my writing. I am currently writing a multi chaptered dystopian AU and will be doing polls on my blog where readers can vote on a couple of aspects of the story. I hope you stick around!

Listened to: Be Kind (Marshmello & Halsey) & Waste It On Me (Steve Aoki & BTS) while writing this. 

You stood on the deck of your parents cabin, staring out at the frozen over lake, shrouded in darkness. You couldn’t remember what time it was, or really even what day it was, just that you needed to get away for awhile. Your breath was turning into white clouds around your face, and then drifting up into the atmosphere. It was calming in a way. Freezing, but calming. 

It was the middle of December, nearly Christmas, what used to be your favorite time of year. You and your mom, dad, and older brother Namjoon would come up to this cabin and spend two weeks at the end of every year. Your dad and brother would always find the tallest tree for the living room of the cabin, with it’s high vaulted ceilings. You and your mom would spend hours decorating the tree, always turning out like a Better Homes & Garden magazine cover. Your mom loved to decorate, and she was damn good at it. You and Namjoon would bake cookies together, despite your mom’s protests over Namjoon being in the kitchen. He was always a disaster waiting to happen. You can still taste the gingerbread like it was yesterday. You smiled slightly, remembering what Christmas used to be like. Now, Christmas was a shitty reminder of what used to be.

It’s been 7 years since the last time you were all together at this cabin. Nearly 6 years since your parents death, and 3 years since you last saw or spoke to your brother. You knew he was doing well, living it up in the big city of Seoul. He was a music producer, and you would hear about him and his accomplishments through friends of friends. You were proud of him. Not that he would ever believe that, and it’s not like you would ever have the chance to tell him.

For the last few years, you had been coming up to the cabin alone. You always took two weeks off work and spent that time trying to keep your parents spirits alive in the form of Christmas cookies and movies. It was your own way of coping with their absence. Namjoon found his ways of coping by blocking the memories out, you found yours in a glass of wine and a couple cigarettes out on this deck. Speaking of which, you should probably light one up now, you’ve been standing here for a while.

Just as you were reaching in your pocket for your lighter, you heard a snapping sound from the left of the desk, startling you in your place, cigarette still hanging from your chapped lips. You turned your head towards the noise, almost giving yourself whiplash. No one should be out here at this time, you thought to yourself. You pocketed your lighter and took the cigarette between your fingers, slowly walking towards the edge of the deck. Sue you, you had a curious mind. Namjoon always used to tell you it would get you killed one day. Not like you cared much anymore. 

“Holy shit!” you gasped, nearly throwing your cigarette, when you saw a figure walk out from between the trees lining your property and the one next to it. It was a man you didn’t recognize. You squint your eyes slightly to try and see better in the dark. He stepped closer to your with both hands raised in front of him as a way to placate you.

“Sorry! I’m sorry! I -” he started, but trailed off almost like he forgot what he was going to say. You raised a brow at him, still unsure of the stranger. “I’m Min Yoongi, I live next door. I promise I’m not a creep or anything, I just noticed you standing out here for a while and wanted to make sure you weren’t locked out or something, I - I, yeah that sounded creepy. I’m sorry.” He rushed out the last words, looking almost sheepish. 

Cute.

You stood there for a second too long, and Yoongi, as you now knew him, looked almost like he was about to bolt back in the direction he came. “I - I’m sorry, I’ll g-”

“No, it’s ok.” You let out a deep sigh and chuckled darkly, no humor to be found. “You just startled me, is all.” You said with what you hoped was a small smile. It wasn’t, Yoongi noted, but he didn’t care, just glad you were responding at all.

Another beat passes, “... so are you alright - did you need help?” He drawled, unsure of where the conversation was headed. 

“No, no. This is my par- mine- my house. Well, not my permanent house, but you probably already knew that.” You stuttered. He must’ve realized the house next door to him was vacant 11 months out of the year, right?

 “Ah yeah, I kind of figured that out.” he took a hesitant step forward. When he saw you weren’t running for the hills, he slowly made his way into the illumination provided by the floodlights on the back porch. You took in his features now that you could see them better. He had bleach blonde hair that looked a little fried, but that suited him nicely, small, feline like brown eyes, and he currently wore a gummy smile that was quite endearing. Had you not been in a spiraling depression, you may have thought he was pretty handsome. He ran his hand through his golden locks, “This house is usually empty, I only notice it occupied around this time of year. I’m assuming it’s your vacation house? You said it was your parents place, right?” He took hesitant steps up to the deck.

So he caught that. Damn. “Was.” You stated simply. “It was my parents place. It’s mine now, I come here alone.” Yoongi knew that. He’s lived next door for 8 years now, on and off. Every Christmas for the last few years, you’d been alone. He wasn’t a creeper, but he did notice you smoking those nasty cigarettes out on this very deck, alone, every year. He remembers you used to come here with someone. A boyfriend maybe? It wasn’t his place to ask. 

He’s at the bottom of the steps that lead up to your deck, looking up at you with an unreadable expression. Pity? No, there’s no way he knows what’s going on in your mind. He hesitates a moment before - “Are you ok?” 

The question catches you off guard. Were you ok? You knew the answer was a big, fat no. But was that something you should share with him? A near stranger? Aside from the obvious questions you had, when was the last time someone asked you that? You couldn’t remember anyone caring enough about you in the last few years to even utter those words to you. The only people you interacted with were your coworkers, who didn’t give a shit about your personal life. All your boss cared about was that you got the job done. You almost wanted to trust this man, share with him how you’re feeling, God knows you need it. You’ve been staring at him for too long, he must think you’re crazy now. “Yeah. Yeah I’m good.” You mutter, looking anywhere but his eyes. 

“Look, it’s not really my place to pry, but you’ve been standing out here in the freezing cold for over an hour.” Had it really been that long? “Do you want to maybe go inside?”

“With you?” you asked, slightly startled at his proposition. 

His eyes widen to the size of dinner plates, and you had a distant thought that he looked oddly adorable like that. “No! No, no. I mean unless you want to come to my house?” He half asked, slightly confused, shaking his head. “I just meant, you aren’t really dressed for the 3 degree weather, don’t you think you should head back inside?” 

Oh. He was just being nice. You weren’t used to this. Leave it to you to jump to weird conclusions. You cocked your head to the side, looking at him with a dumb look. “Yeah…” you trailed off. “I was actually just about to smoke a cigarette, then I’ll head inside.” He gave you another unreadable look, and slowly started to nod.

“O- ok then.” He seemed like he wanted to say more, but stopped himself.

“Do you smoke?”

“Oh no, I don’t. Thank you though.” He said, rubbing the back of his neck and looking anywhere but at you, like he didn’t want to offend you.

“I’m not offended, I know most people think it’s a nasty habit.” You took the lighter back out of your front pocket and put the cigarette to your now very cold, very dry lips. “Want to sit with me?” You asked after you took your first drag of the cigarette.

Yoongi looked back towards his house, and then back at you. “Yeah, let me go grab a coat and I’ll be right back.” he stuttered out. You hadn’t even noticed he was only wearing jeans and a flannel. Poor guy, you’ve been staring stupidly at him for at least 15 minutes, he must be freezing by now. 

“Take your time.” You waved him off as he jogged briskly past the trees and shrubs. You watched him enter his back porch and saw a few lights flicker on, then off again. Taking another drag from your cigarette, you looked back out over the lake. Leaning your elbows on the deck railing, you realized you were, in fact, freezing in nothing but a long sleeve t-shirt and pajama pants. You didn’t intend to be out here this long, only meaning to smoke one cigarette and head back inside, only to lose track of time.

“Want to sit down?” Yoongi’s voice snapped you out of your reverie, slightly startling you. “Sorry - didn’t mean to scare you again” he laughed dryly. He pulled a couple of the deck chairs closer to the railing and sat down. It was then that you noticed he was now wearing a thick winter coat, and in his hands he held another coat, and what looked suspiciously like a blanket. You raised an eyebrow at him, but slowly walked towards the chair, holding your cigarette away from Yoongi, respectful of others' distaste for the smell.

As you sat down in the chair to Yoongi’s right, he dully shook the coat he was holding in your direction with a raised brow. A silent offering. “Thanks.” You muttered lamely, taking the coat from him. It was thick, and smelled citrus-y. Oranges? With maybe a hint of cloves. It smelled manly, wrapping you in his scent when you threw it over your shoulders. 

“No problem” he gruffed out. His deep voice was soothing your cold soul at the moment, a feeling you haven’t had in a long time. “I- I brought a blanket” he hesitates, slowly unfolding the blanket, watching your face to make sure what he was about to do was alright, “is this ok?” he asks as he set the unfolded blanket over yours and his legs. You nod at him, taking another drag from your cigarette. Once the blanket is situated, he grabs one of the legs of your chair and pulls it closer to his, so the blanket drapes all the way over you. You offer him a small smile, and then turn your head to blow the smoke in the other direction. “I don’t mind the smoke, you know. My older brother smokes like a train, I’m used to it.” 

You smirk at him. “Are you implying I smoke like a train?”

“N-no! No, of course not - that’s not, that isn’t” he starts to stutter, shaking his head.

“Relax, Yoongi. I was kidding.” You let out as you exhale your last bit of smoke, putting your cigarette out on the deck floor. You should probably bring an ashtray up here with you next time you visit, which was becoming more and more infrequent as time went on. You used to come up here in the summer with Namjoon, but those days were long gone. 

He ducked his head slightly, the flood light illuminating the side of his face from behind him. He really was beautiful, you noticed. A small, slanted nose, with cute puffy cheeks. They were a little red from being out in the cold, but cute nonetheless.  

“Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that..” he starts to trail off, realizing he doesn’t know your name.

“YN. Sorry - my name is YN.” 

“YN.” He tries it out on his tongue. He likes the way it sounds. “Pretty.” He noted, face heating after he realized what he said. You smiled at him, the first genuine smile he’s seen all night and he realizes he likes it, and wants to see more of it, preferably in the near future. He gives you a gummy smile in return. “What brings you out here, at -” he quickly pulls his phone from his pocket and glances at the time, “- nearly midnight?”

“Oh you know, just dealing with life.” You glance out into the distance, back at that damned lake. Yoongi must have sensed your distress, because he is quickly switching the subject.

“It’s really pretty out here this time of year.” He states, lamely, looking out at the lake with you. “The lake freezes over in November, makes for some really beautiful scenery.” 

“Yeah… I know. I’ve been coming here with my family since I was 8.” You didn’t take your focus away from the lake as you spoke. 

“What… happened? If you don’t mind me asking.” Yoongi quickly read the expression on your face and added, “You totally don’t have to answer that, I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s ok actually. I haven’t really talked about it in a while.” You chanced a glance at Yoongi, his expression serious, focused completely on you. You were taken aback for a brief moment, wondering what was making you trust this man, before you went on, “My parents died almost 6 years ago. We used to come out here as a family every Christmas for the last two weeks of the year. I still make the trip every year to keep their memory, alive? I guess. That sounds kind of stupid saying it out loud.”

“No it doesn’t,” Yoongi stated simply, “That makes perfect sense. You feel closer to them when you’re here, right?” You slowly nodded, still staring into his deep brown orbs. “Look, at the risk of making myself seem like a peeping Tom, I noticed you used to come here with a man, but I haven’t seen him in a while. Is everything ok with…?” His question trailed off. So he has noticed you before.

“Namjoon,” you said, turning your head away, “my brother.” 

Your brother. He didn’t expect that. From what little glimpses he saw of the two of you, you always seemed like a bickering couple. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bring up bad memories.” 

“No it’s fine, you’re very observant, you know. How long have you lived there, exactly?” You asked, turning back to look at the sweet man beside you, gesturing towards his home.

“Almost 8 years. Inherited the place from my grandmother. The first few years I was only here on and off, still living mostly in Daegu. Fully moved in about 5 years ago.” His expression changed, looking like he was reminiscing on the past.

“So you must’ve seen me and Namjoon coming together before. He hasn’t come up here with me in three years. We don’t - we’re not really on good terms. He lives a couple hours away.” You left it at that, not really wanting to indulge in the reason why you weren’t on good terms. That was a conversation for another day. Your stomach fluttered at the thought of talking to Yoongi again. You were confused at the feeling for a moment before Yoongi was speaking.

“I get that. Me and my brother barely speak either. I can’t even remember the last time I saw him to be honest.” He gives you a sad smile, which you return. You’re unsure why you feel like you’ve known Yoongi longer than an hour, but he makes you feel warm in the middle of the harsh winter. You noticed his cheeks were becoming increasingly red and cursed yourself for being so inconsiderate.

“Do you, uh, do you want to go inside? I can make hot chocolate, or something…” you trail off dumbly. 

“Uh, y-yeah that sounds nice”, he faltered, grabbing the blanket draped over you, folding it neatly before ascending from his chair. You follow after him, moving towards the back door of your cabin. You didn’t realize just how cold you were until you opened the sliding glass door and a wall of heat hit you in the face. 

“Wow, I must have been out there a while. I’m freezing.” You chirped as you slid the door closed after Yoongi stepped inside the threshold. 

Yoongi pegged you with a questioning look, and at first you thought he must think you’re insane, before he said, “If you want, you can show me where you keep the hot chocolate and you can go take a shower, or something?” he faltered before adding, “I mean, if that’s ok with you, I know you barely know me-”

You cut him off before he could start babbling again, giving him a soft smile. “That would be really nice actually,” you said, leading him to the kitchen. “I’m not sure what all I have stocked up here, but you should find everything you need in the tea cabinet, above the stove,” you pointed to the stove, “and the mugs are in the cabinet next to the fridge. Feel free to make whatever you’d like. I’ll be down the hall, second door on the right if you need me.” You smiled at him again, causing him to internally melt at the sight, “Thank you, Yoongi.” The sincerity in your tone hurt him. He could tell that you haven’t been thankful for anyone or anything in a while and he didn’t like that. 

“Of course,” he croaked, I’d do anything to make you smile, he wanted to add, but didn’t. He just watched you trudge off to what he presumed was the restroom. He mentally slapped himself. Why was he acting like an idiot in front of this girl he hardly knew? He knew it was because he has seen your sad eyes staring out at the lake for the past three days now, and years before that. Watched you stand, emotionless, wondering what was going through your mind. Now that he’s seen what a smile looks like on your face, he never wants it to disappear again. He’s too empathetic, a trait he inherited from his mother, sometimes to a fault. But he didn’t care right now. Right now, he just wanted to make you happy, even if it was just for tonight. 

You let the hot water fall over your face, reveling in the way the steam was making your muscles feel. Even though your body was relaxing, your mind was starting to real. You think it’s December 21st, just a few days before Christmas. You’d arrived at the cabin three days prior, and would remain here for another week and a half. Usually, when you came to the cabin alone, you spent those two weeks wallowing in self pity, drinking yourself to near death. This was the first time you’ve had any interaction at the cabin in three years. Thinking back to three years ago, you recall your lowest moment at the cabin. The reason for the downfall of yours and Namjoon’s relationship.

It was Christmas Eve, and you had just finished off a bottle of your favorite wine. The fireplace was going, and some sappy Lifetime movie was playing in the background. Not that you were paying attention in the least. You and Joon had just fought over staying an extra day. You wanted to stay, spend some time together since you didn’t get to see him often, but he wanted to go back to Seoul to his girlfriend, Yuna. You never really liked her, but that’s beside the point. He was in his room, probably on the phone with her if the soft whispers were anything to go by, while you were on the couch in the living room. You had just poured yourself another glass of wine and were staring out the large bay windows that had a beautiful view of the lake. You used to love that lake when you were a kid. You and Joon would swing on the tire swing attached to the tree that was partially submerged in the lake when your parents would take you up here in the summers. In the winter, you and Joon would walk along the edge of the frozen water, admiring the beauty of it, listening to nature. Namjoon always did love all the little animals he would find down there. But now, as you looked out at the dark abyss of a lake, it only haunted you with memories of your parents.

You had contemplated it before, but was never brave enough to act. At that moment, though, you really didn’t think there was anything left to live for. Everything had fallen apart. Your parents were gone, your brother hated you, and you isolated yourself from all your friends so long ago, you really didn’t have anyone left. All you could think about, as tears streamed down your face, was how Joon wouldn’t care if you were gone. Your parents weren’t there anymore to care. You would be doing him a favor, right? He didn’t want to be around you, so if you weren’t here, he wouldn’t have to worry about your nagging anymore.

Shaking your head, you’re brought back into the present. Were there tears streaming down your face, or was it the water from the shower? The choked up feeling in your throat pointed towards the former. Great. Could Yoongi hear you? You hoped not. God, you hoped not. He seemed like such a sweet guy, kind and soft. You didn’t want to bring him down in your spiral and potentially scare away the only human interaction you’ve had in a while. 

Little did you know, Yoongi did you hear you. He had finished making hot chocolates a few minutes before he heard soft whimpers coming from the hallway. He immediately made his way towards the noise, realising that once he reached the bathroom door, he could hear you quietly sniffling in the shower. His heart sank at the sound. He didn’t knock, knew he shouldn't. But God, did he want to. Wanted to pull you into his arms, tell you that everything was going to be ok, and see that gorgeous smile again. But it wasn’t his place, and he knew that. So he walked back to the kitchen, solemn expression on his face, and waited patiently for you to calm yourself. 

Yoongi was unsure why he felt the need to comfort you. He hardly knew you, apart from what he’s seen of you over the years. Still, those glimpses weren’t really telling of what kind of person you were. You seemed kind, warm-hearted. You let him into your home, or your parent’s home, he guessed, when you saw that he was cold. You trusted him enough to dawdle about in your kitchen while you showered. That had to take some real trust, what if he was some psycho stalker? He wasn’t, of course. But you didn’t know that. 

The trust you put in him told him one of two things - you we’re either a very trusting person, or you had no fear. The latter made him feel sick. He knew you were going through a lot, but it’s been years since your parents death, you should be feeling somewhat better, right? No, he knew that wasn’t true. The pain of losing someone you love never goes away, he knew that better than anyone, and he didn’t even know the circumstances surrounding their death, or the fallout between you and your brother. Either way, when he looked in your eyes, he saw a sad, broken girl. He’s been that sad, broken person before, and he wanted to help you.

So he waited at your kitchen island, rewarming your mug of hot chocolate every five or so minutes, until you finally felt ready to come out of the bathroom. 

As you slowly towel dried your hair, you stared at your reddened eyes in the bathroom mirror. You knew Yoongi was probably waiting in the kitchen for you, with long cold drinks, but you didn’t want to embarrass yourself in front of this handsome stranger with your tears. You splashed some cool water on your face and applied some moisturizer to attempt to even out the redness of your face.

After you were satisfied with the puffiness, you threw on your pajama shorts and t-shirt you had brought with you from your room, and left your hair wrapped up in a towel. Who were you trying to impress, really? You barely knew Yoongi, despite the fact that you felt safe around him. You knew at the end of these two weeks you would go your separate ways and probably not speak again until next Christmas, if you even made it to next Christmas. Damn, why couldn’t you keep the morbid thoughts away for one night? 

Hesitantly, you made your way out of the bathroom and down the hallway, where you could hear the clinking of glasses coming from the kitchen. Curious, you sped up a little, until you reached the open floor plan kitchen of your cabin, shooting Yoongi a questioning look.

“Oh! Sorry - I just saw that you have some dishes in the sink, I just wanted to help. Sorry.” He looked sheepish, and you thought it was rather cute. 

“Thanks,” you offered shyly, feeling slightly embarrassed he saw your mess, and sat at one of the barstools in front of the kitchen island, “Did you find the drinks ok?” 

“Oh yeah - they cooled down a bit, so I warmed it up in the microwave.”

You smiled at his thoughtfulness, taking the warm mug from him. Yoongi knew that you had been crying, could see the puffiness in your eyes, but seeing you smile, even slightly, made his eyes light up.He watched as you rose from your seat, mug in hand, and made your way around the kitchen island. For a second, he thought you were going to approach him, but you walked right past him towards the fridge. You reached your short arms up and grabbed at a bottle sitting on top of the refrigerator, pulling it down and setting it on the counter. He watched on curiously as you opened the, almost empty, bottle of rum and poured some into your mug. You turned around, raising an eyebrow at his questioning look, “want some?” 

“Oh, uh, no thank you. It’s really late”, he advised hesitantly. He didn’t want to upset you, didn’t want to overstep bounds as you were an adult after all, but he was also questioning your current state of mind.

“I’m sorry if this makes you uncomfortable, if any of this makes you feel uncomfortable, you can leave. I’m trying my best to keep my head above water right now, both figuratively and literally.” You don’t know why you just said that to your neighbor, but you did and there was no taking it back. You removed your gaze from Yoongi’s, slowly walking towards your living room to have a seat on the plush couch. You never got around to redecorating the place after your parents death. It was almost like taking a step back into the past when you came up here. 

Yoongi’s eyes widened a fraction before he schooled his expression, following behind you, almost forgetting his drink but grabbing it at the last second. “YN, do you want to talk about it? I know we just met, but I want you to know I’m here for you. Whatever you need. Someone to listen, make you hot chocolate, whatever you need.” He gave you a sad smile and sat across from you on the loveseat, setting his mug down on the coffee table. 

You took another sip of your spiked hot chocolate, reveling in the burn at the back of your throat, before following Yoongi and setting it on the coffee table. “Why are you so nice to me? You barely know me,” you questioned him, pinning him with a serious look. 

“I’m sorry if I’m overstepping my bounds right now, but I know what it’s like to be depressed,” he looked up from his feet, resting his hands on his knees as he spoke, “I lost my mother when I was 15. I’m not saying by any means that I know what you’re going through, but when I lost my mom I felt like I had no one to talk to. I don’t know you, at least, not yet. But if you give me the chance, I would like to try? We are neighbors after all.” His momentary burst of confidence falters as he plays with his fingers and looks down at the carpet. 

Your gaze softened at the absolute sincerity in his tone. Was this real life? You almost wanted to pinch yourself to make sure you didn’t pass out drunk on the deck and dreamt up some hot stranger to ease your worries. You let out a breathy laugh, absent of any humor. You thought for a second, did you really want to unload this baggage on Yoongi? No, not right now. It’s better to keep things vague, that way there is no one to hurt if you’re gone. “Yoongi,” you started, causing his head to snap up to meet your gaze, teeth worrying his bottom lip, “You seem like a really nice guy,” Yoongi could sense a ‘but’ coming, preparing himself for rejection. It’s not like he isn’t used to it, being the shy guy in a small town he never really had the chance to talk to many people. “But I can’t promise you that I’ll even be around in a week. I don’t want to get attached to someone, it’ll just be harder in the end.”

That was not what Yoongi was expecting. His heart dropped down to his toes. He felt his stomach flip. Did you really just imply what he thinks you did? It didn’t matter if he barely knew you, you needed to know that someone cared for you. But he knew he needed to tread lightly here. He slowly got up from his spot on the loveseat and made his way over to you, crouching down so he could meet your downcast eyes. His hands were clasped together, but the moment you lifted your gaze to meet his, he unclasped both hands and held them out to you, wanting you to make the first move, conscious you might still feel uncomfortable with him. Hesitantly, you reached out one hand, which he grasped in both of his much larger ones. His warmth instantly soothing your cold bones.

“YN,” he whispered, barely audible, but you heard him, “I don’t know what your life is like back, wherever you’re from, but you’re here now. I’m here for you, and I would really, really, like to get to know you better. If you can’t promise me a week, can you at least promise me tomorrow?” He didn’t want to scare you away, dreading what might happen if he does. He saw unshed tears glistening in your doe eyes before continuing, “I’ll come over, every day, and we can spend Christmas together. You don’t have to be alone YN.”

The thought of not having to spend Christmas alone was enticing. The last time you spent Christmas with someone and was coherent enough to remember it, was four years ago, when you and Joon came up here. The last time you were up here, before that dreaded Christmas Eve three years ago. You wanted, really wanted, to take Yoongi up on his offer. But you felt like you owed it to him to explain why you were like this. Why you weren’t able to get close to anyone, why you felt like this was a bad idea. You thought, if you tell him what happened, about your demons, maybe it would scare him away and save him any future pain. With that in mind, you spoke, ““That fucking lake. It’s caused me so much pain, and now it’s like a sick metaphor of my life,” it was barely a whisper that left your lips. Yoongi could tell whatever you were about to say was heavy. He waited patiently, holding your sad gaze, silently letting you know he was listening. “They died in that lake. It was raining, my dad didn’t see the deer in front of them on the bridge leading into town. They had come up here for a weekend getaway without me and my brother, which they rarely even did. We found out two days later when they didn’t show up for work.” 

Yoongi instantly remembered exactly what you were talking about. How could he not have put two and two together? About six years ago, he was commuting back and forth from the cabin to Daegu for work. He was on his way up here for the weekend when the roads were blocked off at the bridge, he saw the overturned car in the embankment of the lake. Everyone in this small town talked about the couple who drowned in the lake for years after the accident. He even heard about how their child had tried to drown themselves in the same lake a few years ago…. Oh no. 

“YN.”

“It’s ok Yoongi. I don’t want sympathies, I don’t want anymore ‘I’m sorry”’s. You offered to listen, so I’m getting it all out.” You looked down, becoming hyper focused on your hand clasped in Yoongi’s. “After they died, me and Namjoon would come up here for Christmas, attempting to feel more like a family. It never did, we would just fight when we were up here, nonsensical arguments that drove a wedge between us. We kept trying though, until three years ago.”He remembers that, too. He would always see you and that guy, Namjoon, arguing on the deck, or you crying out by the tree swing. You stopped, unsure if you should continue. You chanced a glance at Yoongi, his dark eyes watching you with - it wasn’t pity - compassion? His gaze made you want to continue, worrying your bottom lip with your teeth. “I tried to drown myself three Christmas’ ago. In that damn lake.” 

Yoongi’s made an inaudible gasp, and he hoped beyond hope you didn’t notice. He wasn’t even sure why he was shocked, he connected the dots a few moments ago. He knew it was you. “YN. I - I,” he faltered. 

Not quite meeting his gaze yet, you muttered, “It’s fine Yoongi. Now that lake it like this stupid fucking metaphor for my life. I ebb and flow, just like the waters in that lake throughout the year. I have my ups and downs. Then, every Christmas, the lake freezes over. It’s always hard for me to get through this time of year, especially without Joon.” You felt a single tear roll down your already puffy cheeks. You sniffled slightly, rubbing your nose on the sleeve of your shirt with your free arm.

Yoongi stood up from his crouching position slowly, his grip on your hand still tight. He hesitantly took a seat next to you, holding your hand in his lap.  He could tell you were trying to scare him away, make him realise you were too broken to be fixed. He was determined to keep you talking, get all your baggage laid out on the table so he could assure you none of it mattered to him. “YN, what happened with Joon?” He whispered, close to your face. He didn’t want to risk you building that wall back up, even if he didn’t exactly want to hear the answer.

“He found me in the lake. Freezing, nearly dead.” Tears were rolling down your face now, and you felt Yoongi’s soft fingers rubbing soothing circles on your wrist. You looked up, gaze focused on the wall behind Yoongi. “Brought me to the hospital, checked me in, and left. I didn’t hear from him for a few months after that. When I finally did he texted me and told me that he didn’t think he could handle my ‘destructive behavior’, and offered to pay for my treatment”, you murmured that last part, voice faltering as you sucked in a shaky breath. “I haven’t seen him since that night, Yoongi.” At this, you finally looked into Yoongi’s eyes, your own crinkled in pain, tears freely falling down your face, and Yoongi’s heart broke. No. It shattered into a million tiny pieces. He barely knew you, but he wanted to do everything in his power to make you feel loved, wanted to show you that someone cared about you. You weren’t going to scare him away with your demons. 

Yoongi scooted a little closer to you on the couch, releasing your hand in the process, and gathered your shrunken form into his arms and hugged you close. A beat passed before you hugged back, uncertain if you should. But his warmth had you melting into him, you chest heaving with pitiful sobs. The hug was a little awkward, with you both sitting on the couch, so Yoongi brought his leg up and slotted it behind you, moving even closer to you. Yoongi’s ambiguous nature long gone as he rubbed a large hand up and down your back, pushing his face into your hair, shushing you. You sat there, in his embrace, for what felt like hours, but was realistically probably only 5 minutes. When your sobs started to slow down, Yoongi pulled back slightly, arms still wrapped firmly around you, looking you in the eye, “YN-” he started, but you cut him off before he could finish. 

With a small sniffle and watery eyes, you whispered, “I’m broken Yoongi. You shouldn’t be here, you shouldn’t want to be here. I only cause others pain.”

He seemed confused by your statement at first. His dark eyes searching your own for a second before he whispered, “I see you here, year after year. I can tell YN, I can see it. You’re broken by what happened, but you are not a broken person. You’re so beautiful honey, and from what I’ve seen of you tonight, you’re kind and worthy. Worthy of love, worthy of life, and worthy of happiness.” Your eyes started to well up with tears again and Yoongi gave you a sad smile, thumb reaching up and caressing your cheek to wipe them away. “I didn’t come up to your deck tonight because I thought you locked yourself out of your house. I came over because I’ve seen the torment in your eyes, and I’ve been there before. I don’t want you to feel like you have to go through this alone. I wanted to be here for you, regardless of how well I know you. Maybe I can get to know you in the process, b-but I want you to be ok, YN.” He softly whispered the last part softly, dark eyes starting to well with his own unshed tears.

“You barely know me Yoongi. Your words are sweet, but I’m not worthy. I’ve been drowning myself in liquor, killing myself with cigarettes, and pushing everyone in my life away for the last seven years. I’m a shit human.” You look down, hand reaching up to gently grasp Yoongi’s wrist, slowly pulling his hand from your face. The hurt in his eyes was hard to miss. 

“I barely know you, but yet I want to know more. Doesn’t that say something? You think you’re not worthy, but I’m right here, telling you I think you’re interesting, lovable, and funny. I want to get to know you.” He pulled his hand, ever so gently, away from your grasp, placing it on your lower back to pull you against his chest. “You matter YN.”

You let out another quiet sob into Yoongi’s flannel shirt, inhaling his soft citrus-y scent that has been a calming presence to you all night. “Promise me tomorrow, YN. Promise me you’ll stay tomorrow, talk to me, get to know me a little more,” he mumbled into your hair, “all I’m asking for is tomorrow.”

You thought to yourself for a moment. You could do that. You could promise one more day. Even if you had to suffer through it, at least Yoongi would be there with you. Inhaling a shaky breath, you gasped out an, “ok.”

Yoongi smiled to himself, a sad, small smile. He was happy you were going to give yourself a chance, even if it was under the guise of giving him a chance. He was determined to make you see life was worth living.

You woke up with a splitting headache. Was it from the copious amounts of alcohol you consumed yesterday, or from all the crying you did? You didn’t know. All you knew was the sunlight streaming in from your bedroom window was going to be the death of you. You let out a weak groan as you rolled over, pulling the soft duvet cover over your head. You didn’t want to get out of bed, but you knew you needed to get some water, or your headache was only going to get worse.

Throwing the covers off yourself, you slowly sat up in bed, rubbing the sleep from your eyes. You grabbed your phone from your bedside table, noting that it was December 22. Three more days until Christmas. As you looked at your phone, you noticed your arms were covered by a thick, wool like fabric. This wasn’t your pajamas, what were you wearing? You stood up and walked over to the floor length mirror on the back of your bedroom door, still littered with stickers from that time you and your friend Mina visited the cabin when you were 14. 

As you gazed at yourself in the mirror, the events of last night came rushing back to you. Yoongi. You were wearing his coat that he so kindly brought over to you last night while you were out on your deck. Yoongi sat with you while you cried into his shirt for an hour after you had spilled your life story to him, letting all your monsters out to play. You could see the remnants of your sobbing on your face, puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks. After you calmed down a bit, Yoongi wrapped you in his jacket and carried you to your bed, shaky and cold. He laid you down gently, pulling the covers over your sleepy form and whispered, “Tomorrow. I’ll be back tomorrow, and we’re going to get to know each other better” before he left. Too tired to speak, you rolled over and fell asleep. 

Your face heated with embarrassment. A man you hardly knew took care of you last night, carried you to your bed. This wasn’t like you. He hugged you last night! You haven’t had any human contact in nearly three years. The last person you hugged was your therapist at the rehab facility, and even that was awkward and a little forced. At the thought of him hugging you, you felt butterflies erupt in your stomach, remembering how you melted into his warm chest last night. You didn’t realize just how touch starved you’d become in the last few years, but the evidence was right there. Shaking off your humiliation, you shrugged off Yoongi’s jacket and rummaged through your suitcase for some clothes. Surely, you’d feel better after a shower and some breakfast. Right?

After rinsing the previous night from your skin, you dressed in some sweats and a t-shirt, not really bothering to do your hair. You didn’t plan on leaving the cabin today, at most you would sit out on the deck again. Heading back into your room, you hear a soft knock coming from your living room. At first you thought you were hearing things, until another knock, slightly louder, sounded through the cabin. 

As you made your way down the hallway and into the living room, you saw a smiling Yoongi through the sliding glass door standing on your back deck. His arms were full, with… what did he have? Bags? You rushed forward past the couches and unlocked and slid the door open.

“Good morning - er, I guess afternoon now?” Yoongi stuttered a little awkwardly, albeit friendly. He stumbled through your back door and made his way over to the kitchen island. You watched his back as he set down a couple of bags and a blanket on the marble countertop. You tilted your head at him as he turned around to face you. “I, um, I thought we could spend the day together if - if that’s ok with you?” he lilted his words at the end. 

You remember the promise you made to Yoongi last night as you stared at him, mouth agape. One more day. You promised him today. You were slightly surprised that Yoongi made good on his promise, half expecting him to bolt last night and never speak to you again after everything you unloaded on him, yet here he was, bright eyed and bushy tailed.

“What’s in the bags?” You questioned as you moved towards the kitchen, blinking dumbly at Yoongi. 

“Well, I noticed last night that you didn’t have much food in your fridge, mostly just liquor and soda,” your cheeks heated as he called you on your bad habits, “so I brought over some groceries. I thought we could make lunch and since it’s a little too cold outside, we could set up a picnic in the living room.” he offered, gesturing to the blanket sitting on your countertop. “If that’s ok with you, of course.” He sounded a little abashed, having not gotten your number last night, he wasn’t able to see if you were ok with all of this beforehand. He was taking a leap of faith here, hoping that you would take him up on his offer.

You smiled shyly at him, “that sounds really nice, Yoongi, thank you.” Not having a drop of alcohol in your system was making your normal, shy self emerge from the mask you usually wear, shrouded behind a layer of liquor. 

Yoongi offered you a gummy smile, showing off his perfect teeth. His smile was warm, inviting, much like his scent. You were slowly realizing that you quite enjoyed his company. Maybe a little more than you should have.

You and Yoongi had spent the afternoon cooking and chatting in your kitchen, making a stew from a recipe Yoongi had in one of his grandmother’s old cookbooks. You discovered that he was a natural in the kitchen, moving through the recipes with ease. He told you stories about how he used to come out here to visit his grandma and she would always cook with him in the very cabin he lived in now. He told you how he inherited it from her 8 years ago when she passed away, and how he quit his office job in Daegu to move out here and become a freelance writer. You admired his bravery, being able to leave his life behind and take a risk moving out here. Part of you wished you were able to take that jump, you truly loved this cabin, and most of the memories that came with it. 

Now, you and Yoongi were sitting on his blanket, in front of your fireplace, eating the stew the two of you made together. “So where are you from, YN?” Yoongi asked as he finished off his bowl, setting it down on the hardwood floor. 

“Busan,” you stated simply. “I still live there. I usually only make the trip out here for Christmas now. I used to come up during the summers, too, but haven’t in a while.”

“And what do you do, in Busan?” he asked, stretching his legs out and leaning back on his elbows, full focus on you.

“I work at an animal shelter. Nothing fancy. I tend to prefer the company of animals, rather than humans,” you offered somewhat abashedly. You were telling the truth. You had always wanted to become a veterinarian, ever since you could talk, really. But you just didn’t have the time, or the money to go to school, so you found the next best option.

“I definitely get that,” Yoongi agreed, “I have a calico cat at home. It gets lonely up here sometimes, and he helps keep me sane.” He smiled thinking about the furball he adopted a couple years ago, probably resting peacefully in his favorite sunbathing spot back at home. 

Your eyes lit up at the mention of a cat and Yoongi filed that away for later. “Really? What’s his name?”

Yoongi was more than happy to indulge in your sudden curiosity, happy he found something you’re actually interested in. “Mochi. He’s a male calico, I hear they’re pretty rare. I found him at the local shelter in town a couple years back. He’s a sweet little thing.”

Your conversation continued throughout the afternoon much the same. You told Yoongi about your dreams to become a vet that would probably never come to fruition, and in turn he told you about his previous job in Daegu as a marketing analyst. You shared with each other your big (and small) dreams and aspirations, discussed TV shows you both liked, and talked about different recipes you enjoy. 

You were actually enjoying yourself and spending time with Yoongi, something you really didn’t expect to happen when you were on the drive up here a few days ago. You haven’t really had a friend to talk to for a long time, your only close friend Mina having moved to the United States five years ago, you never really made the effort to make any new ones. Yoongi was nice, you thought to yourself as he talked more about his cat, you wouldn’t mind being friends with him. 

By dinner time you were both starting to get hungry again, so you suggested ordering take out while you both cleaned up the mess in the kitchen from earlier.  You called the chicken place you knew of in town, while Yoongi started loading the dishwasher. “Hey YN?” you heard from the kitchen.

“Yes?” You half shouted back, walking down the hallway towards Yoongi. 

“Where are your dish- oh nevermind, found them!” He shouted back as you walked into the kitchen. He stood up straight after shutting the dishwasher, sighing and wiping his hands down the front of his jeans. “Dishes are done, food is ordered. What do you say we watch some Christmas movies?” 

For the rest of the night, you and Yoongi sat in front of the TV, watching sappy Lifetime movies, eating chicken and drinking beer. It was probably the most fun you’ve had in quite a few years, and you were really thankful for his company. At the end of the night, you and Yoongi exchanged phone numbers with a promise that you would give Yoongi one more day, at least, to get to know you better. You agreed, and Yoongi left with one final gummy smile and wave of his hand. 

You sighed, rubbing your hand down the front of your face. Having Yoongi here was a great distraction, but now that he’s gone and you can hear the faint sound of Christmas music playing on the credits of some crappy movie, reality was starting to sink in. After these two weeks were over, you’d return to Busan, Yoongi-less, and have to resume your normal life again. A life you weren’t satisfied with. A life you knew you didn’t want to continue living. Being here made you feel like that life didn’t exist anymore, like you were almost, happy? But you knew that it would all be over soon and everything would hurt again. You didn’t want to let yourself get wrapped up in Yoongi because only bad things could come of it, but he was making it really, really hard. You could see yourself falling for Yoongi, allowing him to make you happy, but you couldn’t. You had way too much baggage, you would never be the happy go-lucky girl you were in your teens again. You would always live with this depression, with these demons. 

As you changed into your pajamas, you stared at yourself in the bathroom mirror. Your eyes were sunken in, your skin was pale, and your hair had seen better days. You knew you hadn’t been taking great care of yourself, but you didn’t think it had gotten this bad. What did Yoongi see in you anyways? Your life was a wreck and you looked like it, too. You sighed to yourself, running a brush through your hair. You promised Yoongi one more day, so you were going to make it through tomorrow, at least.

December 23. Two more days until Christmas. You woke up feeling a little lighter this morning after having spent yesterday with Yoongi, but you also had a weird feeling in the pit of your stomach. You’ve never really been one to believe in superstitions, but for some reason, you had a strong feeling something bad was going to happen soon. You tried to shake off the feeling. You had woken up early this morning, just before sunrise and decided to take a steaming shower.

After your shower, you got dressed in comfy clothes and decided to sit out on the deck and smoke for a bit. It was still early in the morning, the sun still on the horizon. It really was beautiful out here. You had the perfect view of the lake from your deck. It faced towards the east, giving you a gorgeous view of the sunset just above the frozen lake. The colors of the sky were so pretty this time of day, oranges mixing with pretty pinks, you felt like you were on set for a romance movie. 

There was a low fog rolling onto the embankment from the frozen lake. It almost looked like dry ice, white billows of smoke swirling in the slight morning breeze. Admiring the landscape, you took a cigarette out of your pack, and slid your lighter out of your pocket. The sun was just barely starting to pass over the mountains in the east. You shivered a little as you lit up your cigarette, taking a deep inhale of smoke. You instantly felt at ease, the weird feeling from earlier dissipating with the sharp exhale of smoke. 

Yoongi hadn’t gone to sleep yet, and was typing on his laptop, Mochi in his lap, on his sofa. He spent a majority of the day over at your cabin yesterday and spent all night trying to get caught up with work. As a freelance writer, he made his own hours, but he wanted to make sure he was going to meet his next deadline, coming up in a few weeks. 

He gently closed his laptop and stretched his arms up into the air, cracking a few joints in the process. The noise startled Mochi and he shot up out of Yoongi’s lap, across the kitchen floor. “Sorry, buddy,” Yoongi mumbled, sleep thick in his voice. He watched as Mochi slid across the linoleum and jumped up onto the window sill above the sink. Yoongi looked out of the window curiously, eyes catching on a figure. He stood up from his spot on the sofa slowly, making his way towards the window, mindful of Mochi this time.

From his kitchen window, Yoongi had a perfect view of you standing on your deck smoking a cigarette. He watched as you took a deep inhale every couple of minutes and exhaled white swirls of smoke through your nose. The sun was just beginning to rise and the light was catching beautifully on the planes of your face. Yoongi took a moment to admire you, since he hasn’t really had the chance before. You were always intently watching him, waiting for his next move, almost like you were afraid he would leave, never quite giving in to his friendship.

The light shone over your features beautifully, highlighting your sharp cheekbones and sunken in eyes. Yoongi noticed you looked a little thin, he wasn’t sure if that had to do with heredity or something more sinister, but he tried not to dwell on it. Long eyelashes flutter over your cheeks everytime you close your eyes, basking in the sunlight. Your fingers, long and slender, held the cigarette so delicately. You seemed so gentle, so ethereal, he wonders why the world had to be so cruel to you. What did you do to deserve the foul things that have happened to you? Nothing, you didn’t do anything. You were just delt a bad hand at life. 

He watched as your long hair fluttered around your face in the breeze. It looks like you just washed it, he thought, you must be cold in the crisp morning air. With one last exhale of smoke, you put your cigarette out on the railing of your deck. Yoongi smirked to himself when he saw the small pout form on your lips. How could someone be so beautiful, yet so broken? Yoongi wasn’t sure why he felt this strong urge to protect you, to prevent any further harm coming to you, but he knew that he would do everything in his power to make sure you felt cared for. He was drawn to you, in a way he has never been drawn to another person. It both scared and excited him and sent butterflies through his stomach. He took one last glance at you through the window and decided it would be best if he got some rest before trekking back over to your cabin later. 

The rest of your morning went by relatively smoothly, having made breakfast after coming inside from your morning smoke. You cooked yourself some eggs and toast and then decided to check some emails on your laptop you brought with you. You saw a couple of emails from your boss, asking about adoption paperwork that he couldn’t find on your desk. You emailed him back quickly with the forms you had stored in your files, before powering off your computer, done with work for now. You moved the laptop from the top of your thighs to the nightstand next to your bed and leaned back against the headboard. You folded your arms behind your head and glanced around the room, taking in your childhood surroundings. 

The walls of your bedroom were still a pastel pink color with sponged on white clouds reaching up to the ceiling. You had a vivid memory of helping your mom paint the clouds when you were 8 years old. She would laugh at you everytime you would pout because the cloud didn’t come out exactly how you wanted it to. 

Across from your full size bed, was a white dresser with claw feet that still contained some old summer clothes from when you would visit during your breaks from school, probably a few sizes too small now. Along the side of the dresser and the white full length mirror on the back of your door, were stickers from your favorite bands when you were a teenager. You and Mina had collected them throughout the school year and would stick them on when you arrived for the summer. You smiled at the memories this room brought back. This was the reason you kept returning here every year, you tell yourself. To remember the times when you were happy and loved life. 

You let out a deep sigh and sunk back onto your mattress further, eyes feeling droopy. When your head hit the soft pillow, you stared up at the ceiling, still white because your mom said painting the ceiling pink would have made the room feel claustrophobic. There were still little pieces of sticky tape stuck to the stucco from when you had plastered glow in the dark stars and planets all over the ceiling, long since gone now. You never updated anything in the house, bought new furniture, or moved anything around. It would feel wrong, you thought. It wouldn’t feel like home anymore if you made changes. 

You hadn’t even entered the master bedroom, where your parents slept, since they passed. You know that Namjoon has, having gone through some of their belongings in the years since their death, but you never could bring yourself to do it. Joon had also gone through his childhood things in his room, just across the hall from you, taking what he cared for back to Seoul with him. You wondered what was left in there, too tired to actually get up and check. As you reminisced on your cabin, sleep began to take over, and eventually you fell asleep to the slow hum of the heater.

You sat up straight in bed, clutching your shirt, breathing heavy. What was that noise? Ding ding. You let out a breath of relief. It’s just the doorbell. You swung your legs over the edge of the bed, briefly glancing at the clock on your side table. 4:03 pm. How long did you sleep?

As you got up to answer the door you caught your reflection in the mirror, straightening your bed head out a little. As you made your way to the front of the house, you heard soft knocking on the door. “Coming, coming!” you yelled out to whoever was on the other side. When you arrived at the front door, you looked out the glass pane next the door, finding Yoongi standing there on your front porch. He was holding a - duffle bag? You squint your eyes in confusion, but open the door anyways. 

“Hi YN!” Yoongi starts, before taking in your appearance. You were wearing what looked to be pajama shorts and an oversized white t-shirt. “I’m sorry, did I wake you up?” He looked a little sheepish, running his hair through his blonde locks.

“A-ah, yeah, but it’s ok! I really shouldn’t have slept this long anyway,” you trailed off, opening the door a little wider and motioning for Yoongi to come in. “What’s that?” You asked, pointing at the black bag clutched in his hand.

“Oh, well…” he starts, coming all the way through the entryway and toeing his shoes off next to yours, he assumed. “Since the forecast says it’s supposed to snow, I brought some board games and some movies,” he seemed a little unsure, wary that you were going to tell him you didn’t want to hang out, or something. You smiled at him to ease his worries.

“I love board games,” you began, walking off towards your kitchen, Yoongi trailing behind you. “I haven’t really played any in years though,” you falter, “I’m not sure I’ll be any good.”

Yoongi gave you the gentlest smile you’ve seen from a man, making you melt a little more. What was this guy doing to you? “Don’t worry, I’m not the competitive type anyways.” He gave you a little wink, making you giggle. Yoongi’s eyes shot up to yours, a gummy smile spreading across his handsome face. The tinkling sound of your laugh made his inside heat up. He absolutely adored the sound. 

The two of you ended up ordering take out again, Yoongi insisting on paying this time, and sat on your couches with games and snacks spread out on the coffee table. You guys had already played a couple rounds of Scrabble, and one round of Scattergories and now you were leaning back enjoying the pizza Yoongi had ordered. Just like Yoongi had predicted, it started snowing around 6 o’clock and has been for the last hour or so. 

“You’re telling me you lived your whole life never having a pet?!” You laughed, hand covering your mouth still full of pizza.

“Nope. My parents never let me have a pet growing up and when I was old enough to move out I was just too busy to take care of one. A few years ago when I was feeling lonely, I decided to give it a go.”

You couldn’t imagine a life without pets. Growing up your family always had dogs or cats around, one time even adopting a pet hamster. You haven’t had pets in a few years, but you’re around them all the time due to work. 

“I love Mochi, though. I couldn’t imagine my life without him in it now.” He smiled fondly, talking about his beloved cat. “What about you, any pets back home?”

“Ah, no. I don’t have the time anymore. But it’s ok because I spend most of my time with them at work.” As much as you hated the people you worked with, you absolutely adored the animals. You didn’t think you could ever work in a profession that didn’t allow you to work with animals, it just wouldn’t make sense to you. 

Yoongi smiled at you, damn that smile was making you seriously weak. “I’d love to introduce you to Mochi while you’re here, if you’d like.” 

“I would love that.”

“Would you like to come over for dinner tomorrow? It’ll be Christmas Eve, I can cook something for us, and you can hangout with Mochi. I’m sure he’d love the company, I’m usually pretty boring.” He laughed. 

“I -” you hesitated. Why were you hesitating? You really liked Yoongi. You liked him so much that you even forgot about your promise to him about ‘one more day’. You were enjoying the time you spent with him so much that thoughts about your parents, Namjoon, and your demons we’re at the back of your mind when you were with him. You mean, you’ve literally only smoked two cigarettes today, that has to be some sort of record for you. So why were you hesitating?You knew why, you didn’t want Yoongi to get too attached. Who were you kidding, you didn’t want to get too attached. You’d be leaving soon and it would only hurt you more in the long run. Yoongi was staring at you, a hopeful look in his eyes. “I’m not sure that’s a great idea, Yoongi.”

The crestfallen look on Yoongi’s face made you want to immediately take back your words, but he beat you to it. “Can I ask you why you think that?” He was much bolder than when you met a couple of days ago, you noted. 

You wrung your hands together in your lap, having finished your slice of pizza a few minutes ago. “I just don’t want to make this harder than it already is,” you trailed off, eyes fixated on a loose thread on the rug beneath the coffee table, “I have to go back home in a week, and like I told you a couple of days ago, I’m not sure if I even want to live that life anymore.” You whispered the last part, biting on the inside of your cheek. 

Yoongi’s eyes softened. He realized it wasn’t about him, but about you and how you didn’t want to hurt him. He knew you were too kind for your own good. “YN. It’s just dinner. And who says we can’t still be friends when you do go back home?” he added extra emphasis to the word do, making sure to not leave an ‘if’ in that sentence. He’s going to make sure you make it back home in one piece if it’s the last thing he does. 

You knew what Yoongi was trying to do, and you really did appreciate it. You also really enjoyed his company, so you thought, fuck it. “Ok” you whispered out softly, finally meeting Yoongi’s eyes. 

“Ok? Does that mean you’ll have dinner with me tomorrow night?”

“Yes. I’ll have dinner with you. On one condition” you acquiesced, a soft smirk on your face.

Yoongi’s eyebrows shot up, disappearing under his blonde fringe. “Anything” he breathed out, a little too quickly for his liking.

“I get to cuddle with your cat all night. I really miss the animals.”

Yoongi tried, and failed, to hide a huge grin. “Deal.”

Last night, after you agreed to have dinner with Yoongi, you played a few more board games, kicking his ass in Monopoly a couple of times, before you said your goodbyes. Yoongi left the board games at your house, reasoning that he would definitely be back over to avenge himself in Monopoly. You giggled at him as you waved goodbye with the promise of dinner.

It was now 1 o’clock in the afternoon on Christmas Eve, and you were starting to panic. Christmas Eve was a hard day for you to get through, considering the memories you have of this day. Not only that, but you still couldn’t shake that odd feeling that you had when you woke up yesterday. However, today is even more panic-inducing because you are about to have dinner with your cute neighbor, who you may or may not have a slight (read: huge) crush on. 

You spent a majority of your morning sulking around your cabin, taking more than a few smoke breaks on the deck, and cleaning the kitchen and living room up in your anxiety driven state. Now, with nothing left to tidy up, you decide to start getting ready for dinner. 

After taking a long, hot shower, you dried and styled your hair, put just enough makeup on to cover your dark bags and sallow skin, and ventured to your room to rummage through your suitcase in order to find something appropriate to wear. You didn’t bring much with you on this trip besides sweatpants and pajamas. It’s not like you would’ve gone anywhere other than the corner store for more cigarettes had you not met Yoongi. You eventually decide on a dark pair of jeans that you luckily decided to throw in your suitcase last minute, and an old band t-shirt. You honestly didn’t have much else, and you were hoping Yoongi understood (he did) you didn’t really plan on seeing anyone these couple of weeks. 

A little after four in the afternoon, your anxiety started to build up even more. You were anxiously awaiting Yoongi’s text to head over to his place, and decided that it was a great time for a smoke. You grabbed Yoongi’s coat that was draped over your vanity chair, your pack of cigarettes, and your lighter, and headed out towards the deck. You had been so wrapped up in making yourself look presentable, that you had mostly forgotten what day it was, and the dread you usually felt about it. It was nice in a way, but now, sitting out here on your deck, staring out at that damned lake, you couldn’t help but remember why it was you started smoking these stupid cigarettes in the first place. 

“YN?” you heard someone call, distant, yet still close? You were confused, you couldn’t open your eyes. Why couldn’t you open your eyes? “YN, can you hear me?” Namjoon? Namjoon! You thought to yourself. Why couldn’t he hear you!?

For a moment, your eyes fluttered open. You saw Namjoon, hovering above you. But there was someone else next to him. They were wearing a uniform. A cop? No. They were wearing latex gloves and holding what looked like an IV bag.  “YN!” You heard Namjoon yell again. You desperately wanted to answer him, but your voice wouldn’t come through. You blinked a few times, before everything faded to black again. That was the last memory you had of your brother. 

Your cell phone dinged in your pocket, startling you back into the present. You looked at the cigarette in your hand, nearly burned to the butt and you haven’t taken a single drag. Quickly, you brought it up to your lips and inhaled before pulling your phone out of Yoongi’s coat. 

From Yoongi [4:33 pm]: dinner will be ready in 20, want to head over?

You glanced over to Yoongi’s house, briefly looking through the only window that had the curtains drawn. You didn’t see any movement. Had he seen you out here smoking again? You looked back at your phone, taking another drag from the cigarette, before typing out your reply. 

From You [4:35 pm]: ya, be right over

You pocketed your phone and put your cigarette out, tossing the butt into the trash can on your way back inside. You locked the sliding glass door before heading to your room to spray some perfume. You didn’t want to go over to Yoongi’s smelling like smoke. Before you left, you grabbed your keys, double checked the doors were locked, and walked the short distance between the two houses. 

Before you knocked, you took in the state of Yoongi’s home. It was quant, smaller than your parent’s cabin, painted white with forest green window sills and roof tiles. You noticed there were planter boxes under his front windows, but no plants to be found. Hung on his front door was a cute Christmas wreath, plain with pretty burgundy poinsettias on it. You smiled to yourself, happy to see some form of Christmas decorations, not having put any of your own out. You’ve really forgotten how much you used to love Christmas. You loved the decorations, the food, the movies, but you’ve really forgotten what it was like to feel that holiday cheer. Having Yoongi in your life, even for these few days, has really helped you see what you’ve been missing out on.

Before you could even lift your hand to knock on the dark green door, it was opening to reveal a giddy looking Yoongi. You took a moment to drink him in, in all his glory. He was wearing some dark jeans, much like you, and a plain black t-shirt. You idly wondered if he didn’t dress up on purpose to spare you the embarrassment of not having nice clothes. His blonde hair, usually a disheveled mess, was combed out and surprisingly shiny, despite what looked like excessive bleaching. The moment he saw that you were wearing his coat, a huge gummy grin took over his face, causing his cat-like eyes to scrunch in happiness. The look on his face made butterflies erupt in your stomach, as you mirrored his grin.

“Hi,” he said shyly, still smiling.

“Hi yourself,” you breathed, “thank you for having me over.”

He waved away your thanks, moving aside and gesturing for you to come in. “Don’t mention it, really. The pleasure is all mine.” You don’t know the weight those words hold, but he means it, you can tell. 

As you walked through the entryway of his home, you pulled off your shoes, setting them on the neatly organized shoe rack next to his front door. Moving through to his living room, you noticed how well organized his entire house was. There was a pristine looking cover over his sofa which also housed a couple of blankets and throw pillows. On his coffee table were a few books and what looked like photo albums. As you took in your surroundings, Yoongi watched you curiously, one eyebrow cocked. You didn’t know what you were expecting, but you weren’t expecting him to be so… clean?

“I like to keep things organized, sometimes it can be a bad habit of mine,” he trailed off, looking around his neat space, “dinner is almost done. Do you want something to drink?”

“Yes, please.” You sighed in relief. You were pacified at the thought of having a glass of something to help lessen your nerves. You only knew Yoongi for the past three days, but for some reason, this almost felt like a first date. God, when was the last time you went on a date? It had to have been at least 5 years ago. The thought alone made your anxiety flare up tenfold. 

“I have both white and red wine, soda and different types of tea…” you were still standing awkwardly, hands clasped in front of you looking almost like you were afraid to move further into his house. Yoongi walked up to you, gently taking your hand in his, causing your eyes to snap up, meeting his own. “Hey, it’s ok,” he smiled gently at you, “come on, I’ll get us those drinks.” 

He led you into his kitchen which had his dining room attached, a small four person wooden table sitting near a bay window. It was cozy, you thought, somewhere you would like to retire too. Now, that wasn’t a thought you’d had in a long time. You never wondered about growing old, surprise you even made it this far. 

Yoongi let go of your hand to reach into a cabinet by his sink. “Wine ok?” he asked, sensing the tension in your body. 

“Y-yes. Red, please.” You weren’t sure why you were being so shy and awkward, you’ve spent the last couple of days getting to know Yoongi, pretty well you might add. You think it’s partly to do with what day it is, as Christmas Eve always puts you a little more on edge, and a little more flighty. Yoongi quietly pours two glasses of red wine, passing one to you politely. You murmur a thank you before taking a sip.

Yoongi watched you as you sipped your wine, looking around his kitchen curiously. He could sense your anxiety, it was rolling off of you in waves. He didn’t want this to be awkward, he wanted to make sure you had a good night, and wanted to take your mind off of things for a while. “Want to meet Mochi?” he asked, hopeful it would shift your mood a little. 

Your eyes lit up at the mention of the cat, and were quickly nodding your head. Yoongi walked away down the hallway, returning moments later with a petite framed calico cat in his arms. You internally chuckled at the resemblance they shared in their small statures. “He’s a little shy, but if you give him some time, he’ll warm up to you” Yoongi smiled at you, leading you over to his couch, sitting down with Mochi in his lap. Slowly, you sat down, not wanting to scare the creature, and sat your wine glass on a wooden coaster on the coffee table. 

Immediately upon sitting, Mochi hopped off Yoongi’s lap and right into yours. You let out a small, shocked gasp as the cat started kneading into your thighs, making himself comfortable. Yoongi’s eyes widened as they met you. “H-he never does that. It usually takes him a while to warm up to people. In fact, the first time my friend Jungkook came over, he nearly lost an eye to him.” He chuckled lowly at the memory. 

“Animals usually like me,” you said softly, bringing your hand up to run through Mochi’s fur. It was long, and extremely fluffy, “I think they know how much I adore them.” Yoongi watched on as you smiled down at his now purring cat in your lap. For a brief moment, he wondered what it would be like to adopt another cat with you, or maybe even a dog, before lightly shaking his head and rising from the couch. 

“I’m gonna check on dinner, it should be done soon. You’ll probably be… occupied, until then.” Yoongi gave you a soft smile, which you returned, before walking off into the kitchen. You leaned back into the soft fabric of the couch, absentmindedly running your hand over Mochi. 

You could hear the clinking of dishes coming from the kitchen as you loved on Mochi. Whatever Yoongi was cooking smelled absolutely delicious and was making your mouth water. You had only eaten breakfast today, and were on the verge of starving. On top of that, you haven’t had a Christmas meal in ages. You were actually starting to get excited about having dinner with Yoongi, and you had this purring love bug in your lap, and your glass of wine, to thank. 

“It’s ready!” Yoongi called from the kitchen, scaring the sleeping cat, causing him to jump up and run off towards the kitchen. “Oh you scaredy cat” Yoongi grumbled as Mochi slid past him on the floor. You chuckled as you got up from the couch and headed towards the dining table. Upon seeing what Yoongi had laid out on the table, your eyes widened and you let out a breathy gasp. 

“You made all this?!” You questioned incredulously. 

“U-uh, yeah? I told you, I used to cook with my grandma. We always made Christmas dinners together,” he ran his hand through his, now messy, locks, “I still try and cook as much as I can, I actually enjoy it.” He looked away, blush rising to his cheeks.

You looked at all the different assortments of food Yoongi had prepared. There was a large skillet that contained beef bulgogi, and smaller dishes that housed kimchi, steamed eggs, japchae, and steamed rice. “It looks amazing, Yoongi!” You exclaimed, a genuine smile on your face. 

“Well let’s not stare at it all night. Let’s eat!”

You and Yoongi ate your meal, laughing at each other’s odd Christmas stories. You both had another glass of wine, feeling looser as the night went on. Mochi sat close to his owner, tail flicking idly, waiting for scraps of food to be accidentally flung from chopsticks during conversation. According to Yoongi, the cat loved eggs, a trait he found both odd and endearing. You were so enthralled in conversation with Yoongi, you barely registered that the food was nearly gone, two glasses of wine downed, and it was nearing midnight. Sparing a glance at the oven clock, you realized just how late it was getting.  “Do you mind,” you started, before hesitating, unsure if you wanted to ask. 

“What is it, YN?” Yoongi encouraged you. He was so kind, always observant, sensing when you needed a little push.

“Would you mind if I went out back to smoke?” You looked away, rubbing your hand up and down your arm, embarrassed that you were about to bring your conversation to and end just because you needed to smoke. Nasty habit, you knew you should quit, but it was hard.

“Oh, of course! Sorry, I didn’t realize it was getting so late,” he started, getting up from his seat and grabbing dishes, “want me to join you? I can deal with the mess later.”

You grabbed your own plate, following him to the sink and setting it down gently. “Yeah, I think I’d like that.” You smile at Yoongi, happy for the company.

Yoongi didn’t have a deck like you, but he had a nice yard with tall, green grass. Right off his dining room was a sliding glass door that led to a small concrete patio that was furnished with a couple patio chairs and a fire pit. His land went straight back, down to the lake, just like yours. The only thing separating your properties was a line of shrubs and trees. Yoongi was busying himself with the fire pit as you sat in one of the chairs. You opened your pack of cigarettes, noticing you only had one left, mentally nothing you’d had to run down to the store to grab more. 

As you lit your cigarette, Yoongi was lighting a small fire with the firewood he kept by the backdoor. It was a small one, but it was enough to keep you warm in the freezing weather. Instead of sitting down in the chair across from you, like you expected him to, Yoongi stood in front of you and held his hand out. For a moment, you were confused, until you realized he wanted you to take his outstretched hand. You complied, placing your free hand in his, turning your head to blow out your previous inhale of smoke. 

Yoongi gave you a gentle tug, indicating he wanted you to stand up. As you stood, Yoongi maneuvered himself behind you, so you were standing directly in front of the fire, as he shakily wrapped his arms around your middle. The feeling of his hands on your waist was doing things to you in your alcohol hazed state. 

“Is this ok?” he asked quietly, lips close to your ear and he set his chin on your shoulder. You nodded slightly, feeling almost dizzy from whatever this feeling was that Yoongi was causing. You could feel his warm breath on your neck as you took another drag from your cigarette. 

“Does the smoke not bother you?” you asked, a little forced, holding the smoke in your lungs. 

“I just want to be close to you,” he whispers, “YN, I like you.” 

You giggled at his comment, releasing the smoke from your chest. “I like you too, Yoongi.”

“No, YN, I mean I really, really like you.”

To say you were surprised by his sudden confession would be an understatement. You took a sharp inhale of breath, nearly choking on the cold air, and not because of your cigarette, before Yoongi began again, “I’m sorry if it’s sudden, or if it’s not what you want to hear right now, but I really need you to know that I enjoy spending time with you, and would love the opportunity to get to know you better, if you’ll allow me.” You tossed the butt of your cigarette into the fire pit and hesitantly turned around in Yoongi’s arms. 

Your arms snaked around his shoulder, criss-crossing behind his neck. “You wouldn’t be saying that if you knew the things that go on in my head.” The wine was making you bold, making you want to tell Yoongi exactly how you felt. “I’m afraid if you get to know me, you wont like what you find.”

Yoongi sighed, looking deep into your eyes that have long since lost their sparkle. “I can’t promise you much, YN. I’m a freelance writer who lives in the middle of nowhere. But what I can promise you, is that whatever I find in you, wont send me running. I know what I’ve already found in you - you’re a sweet, compassionate girl, who in just three days has me falling head over heels,” he breathed, inches away from your face, “I’ve never met anyone like you, YN.” Yoongi brought his hand from your waist up to your face, ever so gently gracing the back of his fingers against your sharp cheekbone. 

You leaned into his touch, not remembering what it was like to be cared for in such a gentle manner. “Yoongi, I-” you weren’t sure what you wanted to say. You wanted so badly to give in to his sweet words, to let him in and break down your walls for him. You were scared, terrified even, of what that meant. He would learn all about your dark past, your demons, the monsters that threatened to take you down. A silent tear trailed down your cheek because of your internal battle. 

Yoongi was quick to swipe it away with his thumb. “You don’t have to say anything back, YN,” his voice barely a whisper, like if he spoke too loud you’d blow away in the cold breeze, “Just promise me one thing?” You made a sound of confirmation, “One more day.”

At that, you broke down in Yoongi’s strong arms. Your face pushed into his firm chest, tears flowing freely. Sobs wracked your chest and Yoongi held you, rubbing a hand up and down your back. You weren’t sure, but you think you feel Yoongi’s chest rising and falling in a rhythm that made it seem like he was crying with you. You didn’t want to chance a look at him, worried it would break you further. You stood there for what felt like an eternity before you calmed enough to pull back from Yoongi, hands unclasping from behind his back and coming around to fist in his shirt. “Thank you, Yoongi. Thank you.” You let out a couple more weak sobs, before hugging him as tightly as you could. You didn’t need to explain, Yoongi understood.

You and Yoongi stayed wrapped up in each other's arms for the better part of the night, having moved inside to the couch, before you were getting too tired to keep your eyes open. Yoongi was laying against the back of the couch, you slotted in front of him with his arms around your chest, holding you tightly to him. You let out a small yawn, making Yoongi smile to himself. “Tired, love?” 

You let out another yawn, bringing your hand up to rub your eyes. “Yeah,” you sighed, “I should probably get going.” You really didn’t want to leave, but you knew you should. You would feel a lot better in the morning if you slept in your own bed, not on this too small couch. 

“I’ll walk you home,” Yoongi offered, standing up from the couch, pulling you with him. You moved to take off his coat before he stopped you with a gentle hand on your shoulder, “Keep it. It looks better on you anyway.” He smiled down at you, running his hand from your shoulder, down your arm, taking your hand in his. 

You smiled up at the slightly taller man, blushing profusely. You followed Yoongi through his home, toeing on your shoes at the front door, hands still intertwined. As promised, Yoongi walked you to your front porch, waiting until you had entered your house and locked the door before walking back to his own home. Once inside, you leaned your back against the door, head tilting until it hit the glass window pane in the middle of it. You sighed to yourself, feeling lighter than you have in probably years. You weren’t used to this feeling, and on Christmas Eve of all days. Well… You guessed it was probably Christmas now, with how long you spent laying on Yoongi’s couch. With that thought in mind, you pulled your phone out from Yoongi’s coat pocket to check the time. Before you could even register the time, you were stopping in your tracks as what greeted you on your phone screen. When was the last time you checked your phone? You’d been so wrapped up in Yoongi you don’t recall looking at it all night.

On your lock screen, you saw a missed call. Several, actually. From Namjoon. 

Your heart stuttered in your chest. Why was he calling you? You haven’t spoken to him in nearly three years. There was no reason for him to be calling you, unless there was some kind of emergency, right? Panicking, you walked further into the cabin, not bothering to take off the coat or your shoes. You sped walked right into your bedroom, eyes glued to your phone the entire time. Should you call him back? You weren’t sure if you wanted to speak to him right now, especially after the wonderful night you had with Yoongi. But - what if he was calling to apologize, to make things right? You had to find out.

As you unlocked your phone, you saw the notification for a new voicemail. Hesitantly, you opened your calls app, and clicked on the message from Namjoon. You saw it was only about a minute long. Curiosity getting the best of you, you played the message:

“Y-YN? YN! W-what are you doing baby sister?” you could tell he was drunk from the way he was slurring his words, panic immediately rising in your chest. “Are you at mom and dad’s cabin? Yo-you always did love it there, didn’t you? Loved it so much you even tried ending your own life there!” A sharp laugh came from the phone, causing you to pull it away from your ear for a second. “You know YN, I wish you- you did. I wish I never pulled you out of th-that fucking lake. Then m-maybe I wouldn’t have to relive that God damn nigh-nightmare every fucking n-night YN,” you didn’t want to listen anymore to this anymore, you shut your eyes tight,hot tears welling up behind your eyelids, “G-go be with mom and dad, it’s what you want right?! I just-” the line cut off, ending the voicemail. You stumbled backwards, back hitting your bedroom door. You couldn’t see, lights still off, not having bothered with them when you burst in the room. Stunned, you still had the phone to your ear, other hand coming up to push at your eyes, willing the tears to stop forming. You slid down the back of your bedroom door, finally letting go of your phone, causing it to clatter down to the wood floor. Your breathing was ragged, eyes still glued shut in pain. Panic. You were panicking. You haven’t had a panic attack in a couple of years, but you knew the signs. You hugged your knees to your chest and fell over on your side, sobbing into your forearms. 

Is that how Namjoon, your own brother, really felt all these years? He wished he never saved your life? It shouldn’t be surprising to you, the last memory you have of him is in the back of an ambulance, grief written all over his face. That was the last time you saw him, until he texted you months later after countless missed calls, texts, and emails from you. He told you that you needed help, and that he needed to distance himself from you. Did your actions take such a huge toll on his life, that he wished you were no longer on this planet? 

You aren’t sure how long you laid on your bedroom floor, sobbing, but it must have been hours. By the time you finally pulled yourself up, you could see the beginnings of morning shining through your window. 

You needed to smoke, or drink heavily, or do something to ease this pain. You remembered briefly that you were out of cigarettes, not willing to drive yourself to the store to buy more. Drinking seemed like it would only worsen your pain right now, so you pulled yourself over to your suitcase, tossing it open on your bed. After a few moments of rifling through your things, you found what you were looking for, before heading off into your bathroom.

It was Christmas day. Yoongi hasn’t been excited for Christmas since he was a teenager, and his mother was still around to make the holidays special. He hasn’t done much for Christmas since he moved out here. Every once in a while, Jungkook would invite him over for Christmas dinner with his wife a couple towns over, but she was pregnant this year and Yoongi didn’t want to intrude. 

Yoongi was actually excited for Christmas today. Sure, he didn’t have a tree, or presents to give, but he had someone to spend it with. Someone special, which was saying a lot for a recluse like him. 

It was early, an ungodly hour according to Yoongi on a normal day, but today was different. As he got out of bed, he startled Mochi who shot across the floor, out his bedroom door. He smiled to himself and shook his head lightly. Such a scaredy cat, he thought to himself. Yoongi planned on making some Christmas cookies, or maybe a rice cake for today, before heading over to your house to spend the day with you. After his late night confession yesterday, Yoongi was feeling bolder than ever when it came to you, and decided to shoot you a quick text to let you know he was thinking about you.

To YN [7:37 am]: good morning, love

To YN [7:37 am]: I hope it’s ok if I come over in a bit

To YN [7:38 am]: I want to let you sleep in a little longer, but I can’t wait to see you

He pocketed his phone, satisfied with his texts, for now. He assumed you were still sleeping since you were at his last night until well after midnight. 

As the morning went on, Yoongi whipped up a traditional rice cake with fruits, another recipe from his grandmother’s cookbook, something she always made for his family at Christmas. By the time he was done with the cake, it was nearing nine in the morning, and he was starting to worry slightly that you haven't texted him back. He usually saw you out on your deck having a morning smoke by now, and he had definitely been sneaking glances out his kitchen window to try and catch a glimpse of you. He didn’t see you all morning, which was causing a slight panic to arise in his chest. 

By 9:15, Yoongi couldn’t contain his panic anymore. Something was wrong. He could feel it. You should be awake by now. You always came out for a cigarette by now. Pulling on a coat, Yoongi put on his slippers, rice cake long forgotten, as he trudged over to your front door.

He knocked gently at first, not wanting to startle you if you indeed were just sleeping in. No response. This time, Yoongi wrapped on the door a little harder, making enough noise to wake you up without a doubt. He waited a couple of minutes before the feeling in his chest dropped to his stomach. He felt sick. This isn’t right. 

Yoongi walked around the front of your house to peer into your bedroom window. He vaguely remembered the location of it from when he carried you in there the first night you met. He put his hands up to the glass and attached his face to his fingers, looking into your room. He didn’t see you, but what he did see worried him even more. Your bedroom door was wide open and your suitcase was open on your bed. He glanced at the driveway to confirm your car was indeed still there before he ran around to your back deck. Yoongi was in full panic mode now, seconds away from breaking a window. When he got to your sliding glass door, he attempted to open it, and to his surprise it slid right open. He would have to give you a lecture about locking your doors after he made sure you were ok.

“YN?” he called out, slightly louder than he meant, “YN? Love? Are you in here?” Yoongi walked through your living room hesitantly, almost scared of what he might find. He didn’t see any sign of you, so he trudged down the hallway leading to your bedroom. “YN!?” His voice was starting to become panicked the longer he couldn’t find you. “YN please,” he sighed out, realizing wherever you were you probably weren’t hearing him. He peeked into your room one more time to make sure you really weren’t in there. He didn’t find you, but what he did find was your cellphone, laying on the floor with a cracked screen. Yoongi tilted his head as he knelt down to pick the phone up. It lit up with the movement, showing him the missed texts from himself, and missed calls from… Namjoon? Oh no. “No. No, no, no” Yoongi whispered to himself. This couldn't be good. He pocketed your phone, making his way further down the hallway. He saw light coming from underneath one of the closed doors and immediately started banging on it. “YN!? YN are you in there? Please love, open the door!” Yoongi tried turning the door handle, unsurprised when he found it locked. “YN I will break this door down!” He threatened, terrified beyond belief at what he would find when he did.

With one sharp inhale of air, Yoongi grabbed onto the door handle and shoved his shoulder into the door. Once, twice, and on the third hit it popped open, breaking the doorframe in the process. Yoongi ignored the stinging pain in his shoulder as soon as he saw your prone form on the bathroom floor, empty pill bottle in the sink. The air left Yoongi’s lungs as he knelt down next to your head, gently cradling your head in his hands, setting it in his lap. “YN?! No, no! YN!” He was frantically trying to get his phone out of his pocket and unlocked. “YN, honey, please. Please wake up, please. YN you promised. You promised me YN!” his cries were frantic, tears streaming down his face, “You promised me! Please YN!” he begged you to wake up, to be alive, terrified he would never see your eyes light up or your beautiful smile again. Hot tears streamed onto his phone as he dialed for emergency services.

Yoongi sat in the waiting area of the emergency room, speaking quietly into the phone, fingers playing with a frayed edge of this t-shirt. “I don’t know, Jungkook, they won't tell me anything.” He hadn’t stopped crying since he found you on your bathroom floor, now just letting silent tears roll down his cheeks.

“You’re telling me, you met some girl four days ago, have been spending all your time with her, and you find her, half alive on her bathroom floor? What kind of mess are you getting yourself into Yoongi? You’ve never been the type to take an interest in girls, much less ones you barely know!” Jungkook half-yelled through the phone. Yoongi understood why Jungkook was worried, he really did, but he was just looking for some kind of anchor right now to keep him grounded.

“JK, please,” Yoongi barely whimpered into the phone, lip trembling, “I l- I don’t want to lose her.” He wasn’t ready to say the words yet, not when he wasn’t sure if you were even going to make it. 

Jungkook heaved a heavy sigh, obviously frustrated with the situation. “I’m really sorry man. I wish I could tell you she was going to be alright, she’s - what was her name again?”

“YN.” 

“Right, YN. From what you’ve told me, it seems like you got to her before it was too late, right? I’m sure everything will be fine. You said they’re pumping her stomach now, I’m sure it won't be much longer before you have more answers,” Jungkook sounded like he wanted to add on to that, but thought better of it, “Do you need me to come by? Eunha is at her parents house right now, I hung back to talk to you, I don’t mind-”

“Jungkook, no. It’s fucking Christmas. I’m sorry for taking you away-” he sniffled harder, “away from your family.” The dam is broken now, Yoongi was unable to stop the tears from flowing, sobs wracking his small frame. 

Jungkook’s heart broke at the sound of his oldest friend’s tears. He didn’t mind leaving his wife for a few hours, he knew she was safe with her parents, probably about to start working on dinner for tonight. “I’ll be there as soon as I can, man. Hang in there.”

Yoongi let out a shaky sigh, looking down at his now black phone screen. He felt like he was underwater, like his heart was beating in his ears. He could vaguely hear the chatter of the nurses and people in the waiting room, but his sole focus was on the pounding in his chest and the sinking feeling in his gut. All he could think about was you; what drove you to this? What could he have done differently last night to ensure your safety? Why was your brother calling you insistently throughout the morning? Most importantly, were you going to be ok? He didn’t want to think about that right now, couldn’t think about that right now, unless he wanted the hospital to have to admit him, too. 

Before Yoongi could spiral any further, he felt a warm hand on his shoulder. He looked up to see his youngest friend, dressed in gray sweats and a loose black pullover. Jungkook had a sad look in his eyes, not pity, but heartache at the pain his friend was feeling. Jungkook squatted down in front of Yoongi, hand still on his shoulder, so he could be at eye level with him. “Hey man. Any news?” He asked, solemnly. 

Yoongi shook his head slightly, trying to collect himself enough to utter a few words. “No. Nothing.” Yoongi squeezed his eyes shut, willing the tears to stop, just for a moment. His effort was all in vain, as Jungkook took hold of Yoongi’s hand, pulling him up into the taller man’s chest, embracing him. Yoongi’s small frame seemed even smaller in this moment, shoulders shrunk in on themselves, as Jungkook hugged the broken man.

“Why don’t you tell me about her?” Jungkook whispered to Yoongi, rubbing a hand up and down his back comfortingly. “We can grab some coffee and you can tell me all about her.” Jungkook wanted to get Yoongi away from this waiting room full of curious eyes, and wanted him to relax a little. He knew he was going to want to see you as soon as you were in the clear, and he wanted to make sure he was in a good enough state to do so. He could feel Yoongi nod against his chest, pulling away but still keeping one arm around the shorter man’s shoulders. 

Yoongi and Jungkook sat at a quiet table in the corner of the hospital cafeteria, nursing two black coffees. Yoongi was staring out of the window to his right, not really paying attention to what Jungkook was saying.

“Yoongi, do you want to talk about it? How did you guys even meet?”

Yoongi gave a small shrug, “she’s been visiting every year since I moved into my grandma’s house. I just now finally built up the courage to say hi. She seemed sad.” had a permanent frown in his brow. 

“So you wanted to say hello because she seemed sad?”

“Yes, JK, what more do you want from me?” Yoongi shot the younger man a glare from where he sat across from him.

Jungkook leaned back slightly, holding his hands up in a pacifying manner. “Hey, hey, man. I just want to hear about her, want you to tell me about her. That’s all” He said in a hushed tone.

Yoongi looked down at his coffee, focusing on the small billows of steam rising from it. “I’m sorry - I just -” he looked up at Jungkook, unshed tears threatening to fall again, “She’s perfect, you know? She doesn’t deserve any of this pain. She lost her parents, her brother, basically everyone who cared about her. I just wanted to- to be someone she could lean on,” he blinked rapidly, trying to rid the tears before adding on, “I think I love her, JK.”

Jungkook’s eyes widened a fraction before he schooled his expression, nodding his head. “I support you Yoongi, you know that. I always will.” Yoongi nodded at this. He knew it, would never forget it. Him and Jungkook had been through so much together, that’s why he was the first person Yoongi called when he got to the hospital this morning. “What do you think happened that caused her to do it?”

Yoongi bit his lip, remembering he had your phone tucked away in his pocket still. He slid it out, setting it on the tabletop between him and Jungkook. “I’m not sure… but I think it has something to do with her brother calling her.” As if he was summoned, Namjoon’s name appeared on the small screen, phone vibrating so violently it moved a little across the table. He’d been calling all morning, and from what Yoongi could gather from your lock screen, all night, too. It wasn’t his place to go through your phone, or to answer the calls from your brother, especially if him calling had anything to do with your current condition.

“Are you going to answer him?” Jungkook hesitantly asked, looking from the phone, to Yoongi, and back again as the vibrating faded out. 

Yoongi shook his head quickly, causing a sharp pain to shoot through his temple. He really needed to stop crying, he thought. “No. What if he’s the reason she’s here in the first place?”

“He’s her brother right? Her family?” Jungkook started, seeing Yoongi nod in confirmation he continued, “don’t you think he should know his sister is in the hospital for attempted suicide?”

Yoongi scoffed. He was bitter, but part of him knew Jungkook was right. He’s still her family, after all. Would it be the right thing to do, to tell him you’re here? Would he even want to see you? From what you’ve told Yoongi about your brother, he doesn’t think so. “He left her the last time it happened, hasn’t spoken to her since,” Yoongi mumbled, almost too quietly for Jungkook to hear, “I’m not sure he would even care.”

Jungkook pursed his lips. He doesn’t know you, nor is he going to pretend to know what it’s like to be in your shoes. Yoongi knew you better than he did, so he was going to take Yoongi’s word for it. “Want to head back up? See if there’s any news?” Yoongi nodded, looking down at the floor. The both grabbed their to-go cups and headed towards the elevators. 

Pain. Seething hot pain in your throat, that’s all you mind was focusing on right now. Your vision was black, and no matter how hard you tried to make a sound, nothing would come out. It felt like a thousand hot knives were forcing themselves down your esophagus, blocking any air flow. You were suffocating, this must be what it feels like to die, right? Because the last thing you remember was laying down on the cool tile floor of your bathroom after you swallowed your entire bottle of antidepressants. The pain in your throat must be from the excessive amount of pills you downed, right? Nothing else could explain this excruciating pain. You were obviously being punished for taking fate into your own hands. That was the only reasonable explanation you could come up with in your current state of mind.

“She’s waking up!” 

Wait. Why can you hear people? If there were people around, were you alive? 

“Administer more Propofol, she needs to be unconscious.”

No. No, no, no, no. This wasn’t supposed to happen. You were supposed to be gone. You wanted to be gone, but right now all you could think about now was making this pain stop. You silently prayed that whoever was helping you would make this pain go away. 

Yoongi was leaning on Jungkook’s firm shoulder, both sitting on ugly plastic green chairs in the hospital waiting room. A nurse had informed Yoongi that you were out of the operating room, and were moved to a more private ward of the hospital to recover. He wasn’t allowed in yet, as they wanted to monitor you a little while longer to make sure you were out of the woods. They explained to him that the first few hours after an overdose were the most crucial if there was any hope of the brain recovering. 

Yoongi was distraught, to say the least. Torn between calling Namjoon and waiting. He knew you didn’t have your parents anymore, knew that you and your brother didn’t speak, despite the 100 plus missed calls on your phone that said otherwise. He wasn’t sure if you had any friends back home in Busan, but from what you’ve told him, he guessed you didn’t. He was worried that you wouldn’t remember him when you woke up, and you would be confused and scared, alone in the hospital. He thought about calling your brother, just so you’d have a familiar face to wake up to, but the devil on his shoulder wouldn’t let him make the call. He had a sinking feeling in his stomach that if you did, in fact, remember what happened, the last person you’d want to see is Namjoon. 

Jungkook was deathly silent, texting his wife and family updates about you and Yoongi. Despite not knowing Yoongi well, or you at all, Jungkook and his entire extended family took an interest in your well-being. Jungkook told them how you had no family, and they completely understood why he was missing Christmas dinner. Yoongi felt bad for keeping him, but Jungkook reassured him over and over again, this is where he wants to be. 

“Mr. Min?” a mouse-like voice called from the circular desk at the center of the waiting area. 

Yoongi shot ramrod straight in his seat, eyes searching for the voice. A short, dark-haired woman who looked to be around Yoongi’s age, was making her way towards him. She had a sweet smile on her face, which only minutely lessened Yoongi’s worries.

“Mr. Min?” She asked again, hesitantly. She waited for Yoongi’s grunt in confirmation before continuing, “I don’t have anyone listed as Miss Y/LN’s next of kin, so since you were the one who brought her here, would you like an update on her status?” He voice was kind and soft, respectful of the environment they were currently in.

Yoongi cleared his throat lightly, “Ye-yes, of course. Yes.” He stuttered out, standing up and moving towards the kind nurse. He glanced over his shoulder at Jungkook, who gave him a small smile, encouraging him to go with the lady.

“I’ll be fine, do what you need to do,” Jungkook waved him off.

The young nurse nodded and turned around, walking back towards the desk. Yoongi trailed after her like a lost puppy, waiting for answers. “Mr. Min, we’re going to be keeping Miss Y/LN here at the hospital for a few days. She’s being put under suicide watch for 72 hours, as is protocol with cases like these,” Yoongi nodded solemnly, understanding the severity of the situation, “I see you listed on her intake paperwork that this wasn’t her first attempt. Is that right?”

Yoongi nodded his head. He didn’t like sharing your personal stories with this stranger, but he understood it was going to help them better care for you, which is all he wanted. “Yes. She had attempted… yeah. Three years ago.” 

The woman nodded her head, writing something on the clipboard she now held in her hands. “Thank you, Mr. Min. We’re going to continue to monitor her, but her vitals are looking good, and there are no outward signs of brain damage right now. This could change however, as once she’s awake and alert, her doctor will want to do another brain scan.”

Yoongi nodded, just glad you were alive and breathing. 

“She’s not awake yet, the sedatives are still wearing off, but they’ve removed intubation and she is resting,” Yoongi winced at this fact, “would you like to see her?”

Yoongi’s eyes finally met the small nurses after staring daggers into the hospital linoleum. “I can see her?”

The woman gave a short nod and a gentle smile. “Of course! I can tell you care a lot about her. She’s very lucky to have you, sir.”

Yoongi nodded, looking down again. He didn’t feel very lucky, and didn’t think you would either right about now. 

“Follow me.” 

Yoongi followed the lady back through two industrial looking double doors, past sterile smelling hospital rooms and nurses and doctors moving rapidly up and down the corridors. Yoongi always hated hospitals, they reminded him of when his Grandmother passed away. He was so hyper focused on walking, he barely heard her when the nurse spoke again. “Before you go in, it’s best to take a moment to prepare yourself for what you’re going to see. It can be really hard to see a loved one in this state, so I’m here to answer any questions you may have,” she advised kindly as she came to a stop outside your room. Yoongi’s stomach fluttered at the mention of you being his ‘loved one’ and he mentally scolded himself. This nurse had no idea about the strange dynamic that is your relationship, if you could even call it that. 

Yoongi shook his head lightly, indicating he didn’t have any questions, at least, not for her. She gave one nod of her head, before clutching her clipboard to her chest. “I wish you the best, Mr. Min.” She said as she walked away. 

Yoongi took a deep breath through his mouth, exhaling slowly through his nose. He wasn’t prepared to see you in a hospital bed, but his excitement at seeing you alive was overtaking his senses right now. He slowly pushed the door to your room open, taking two hesitant steps through the threshold. His eyes immediately scanned the room, falling over your fragile, but breathing, body. As Yoongi quietly shut the door behind him, tears automatically started falling down his cheeks, silent sobs hitting his chest. He swiftly closed the gap between him and your bed, lip trembling, and took your cold, limp hand in his. He didn’t even bother pulling one of those uncomfortable plastic chairs with him, he just knelt on the floors, kneecaps be damned. He wasn’t sure how he was going to react when he saw you, he knew he would feel relief at knowing you were alive, but he didn’t expect to be quite so overcome with emotion. He definitely didn’t expect to feel intense happiness at the fact that he could hold you again. You had no idea the effect you had on him, and in only four short days. 

You laid on the hospital bed, dressed in one of those white, scratchy hospital gowns. Your eyes were even more sunken in than Yoongi remembers, skin sallow and taking on an almost sickly green color. Your hair was a mess, and Yoongi inwardly cursed the nurses for not at least brushing through it for you. Your arm was bruised purple and green at the crease of your elbow where your IV now sat. Your bottom half was covered by a thick blue blanket that looked a little itchy. Yoongi grabbed the top of the blanket with his free hand, moving it up farther on your body, tucking it lightly at your far side. Even in this state, you looked beautiful to him. Despite what has taken place over the last 12 or so hours, he was still enraptured by you and your beauty. 

Yoongi brought your bony hand up to his face, placing a soft, lingering kiss on the back of your knuckles. His head hurt, his eyes hurt, and his heart hurt. He didn’t have any more tears to cry, just silent sobs as he laid his forehead on your cold hand. 

Eventually Jungkook made his way up to your room, after being informed by the same brunette nurse that Yoongi was up there with you. He knocked softly on the door twice before opening it and entering. Yoongi was still knelt on the floor by your bed. Jungkook sighed and knelt down next to him

“She’s gonna be ok man,” Jungkook started, placing his hand on Yoongi’s back, “you should rest before she wakes up.”

Yoongi nodded, allowing Jungkook to pull a chair over for him before sitting down in it, never letting go of your hand. Jungkook sat in a chair a little bit behind Yoongi, making sure the older man knew he was there for support. They sat in silence like that for a while before Yoongi started to feel drowsy, eyes falling shut and drifting into a fitful sleep, forehead pressed to your bed. 

You slowly blinked your eyes open, squinting from the bright lights above you. An intense smell of bleach hit your nose causing your throat to constrict and burn. The burn. It was still there, but dulled from last time you remember. You closed your eyes again, squeezing them shut in pain as you tried to swallow, causing a small, yet hoarse, whimper to emit from your throat. 

Immediately, Yoongi’s head shot up at the sound of you. He started rubbing soothing circles onto the back of your hand, still clutched in his. “YN,” he whispered, standing from his seated position, moving even closer to your body.

You blinked your eyes a few times before looking up at Yoongi. He could see the pain in your eyes with the way they were scrunched up cutely at the sides. You brought your hand to your throat subconsciously and Yoongi knew what you meant. He grabbed the pitcher of water from your bedside table and poured you a cup, passing it to you. You silently thanked him with a nod of your head and started gulping down the water. Yoongi sat back down and watched you carefully. He heard Jungkook stand from behind him, dimmed the lights, having watched how you were squinting your eyes, and quietly left the room to give you both some privacy. Yoongi reminded himself to thank him profusely later, but right now his focus was on you.

You finished the cup of water and Yoongi took the cup from your hand and set it back on the side table. “YN,” he whispered again, bringing his hand up to brush against your cheek, “you’re ok.” He smiled at you, genuinely smiled for the first time since last night. He was so beyond happy to see you, alive and well in front of him. 

You had a million thoughts running through your mind right now, and Yoongi could tell by the panic stricken look flashing in your eyes. He soothingly rubbed his hand up and down your arm that was free of any tubes. “It’s ok, love,” he comforted, “I’m here to listen if you want to talk, or if you don’t I’ll sit here with you in silence. You don’t need to explain yourself. I’m just happy you’re ok.” He smiled at you, and even though you could feel the love radiating off of him, you felt sick to your stomach.

How could Yoongi still want to be by your side after what you had just done? How could he still want to comfort you when you were like this? You had a lot of questions, but there was one at the forefront of your mind. “Did you find me?” Your voice was rough from the intubation tube, which you guessed was the reason for your throat burning before. You looked away from Yoongi when you asked, not being brave enough to meet his eye, in fear of what you might find. 

He sighed lightly, almost inaudibly. “Yes.” You could tell without even looking at him that he was choking up, on the verge of tears. At the sound of his voice, you let your own hot tears roll down your cheeks, not bothering to wipe them away. A large hand immediately came up to wipe them away. “Hey, don’t cry, love,” he whispered, “I’m not mad, I’m not upset. These are happy tears, I promise.”

“I’m not happy,” you sniffled, “I’m sorry, Yoongi, that you had to see me like that.” You brought your own hand up to your face to wipe at your nose. 

“YN, I don’t care about that. I swear to you, all that matters to me now is you. I want to keep you safe, want to help you fight this battle so you don’t have to do it alone. You have me, all of me.” His words were so sincere, so loving, you spared a glance at him, and the moment your eyes met, you knew he meant everything that he said. Even in your current state, he sent butterflies erupting throughout your stomach. You took in his face for a moment, red and puffy, tear stained cheeks, but his eyes were happy. You felt safe with him. You knew you’d have to talk about what all this means later, explain to him why you did what you did, but for now, you just wanted to be in his presence. 

Yoongi sat with you for the next few hours, texting Jungkook to head home to his family, apologizing profusely for keeping him away on Christmas. You didn’t talk much, just offering sweet smiles when Yoongi would check to make sure you were doing ok. Like the nurse told Yoongi earlier, your doctor came in to take you for a brain scan and to run some other tests. Yoongi waited patiently in your room while you were being tested. 

When you returned, the doctor checked your vitals again, before letting you both know that he would be back in the morning to run some more tests, and give you the results of the brain scan. You both thanked him quietly before he wished you a merry Christmas, and took his leave.

Alone again with Yoongi, you felt a calm aura wash over you. “Thank you,” you whispered quietly into the dim room, “I’m sorry I ruined your Christmas,” you said with a slight frown.

“You didn’t ruin anything,” Yoongi assured, walking over to your bed and sitting next to you, “There is no place I’d rather be than by your side.”

Just as Yoongi finished his sentence, a violent buzzing resounded through the room. Yoongi’s eyes went wide as dinner plates as he realized your phone was still in his pocket. Hesitantly, he brought it out of the back of his jeans and showed you what was on the screen.

You flinched when you saw your cell phone. You knew you’d have to confront Namjoon and Yoongi about what happened sooner or later, but you were really hoping it would be the latter. You reached out for your phone, pushing the red decline button. Yoongi looked at you with an unreadable expression as you let the phone fall to your side onto the bed.

You sighed, looking at Yoongi, lips pursed. “Go ahead, you can ask me,” you offered, rubbing a hand down the front of your face.

Yoongi looked sheepishly at you. Of course he wanted to know what happened, but he didn’t want to push you to tell him or to relive whatever it was that pushed you that far in the first place. His curiosity got the better of him as he chewed his lip raw. “What happened?” His voice was barely a whisper, the beeping of the equipment in the hospital room almost enough to mask it. 

“Namjoon was calling me, I guess, while we were having dinner last night,” you wrung your hands together, trying to warm them up in the frigid temperature in your room, “I didn’t think to check my phone until you walked me home.” Yoongi reached over to stop your ministrations, cupping both your hands in his and blowing warm breath between them. You smiled at his thoughtful actions before continuing, “He was drunk. I don’t think he even realized what he said, but - but he left me a voicemail,” your voice was getting quieter the further into your story you got, “he said he wished I had succeeded three years ago, that he wished he never saved me.”

Yoongi was seething. He had his suspicions that this was your brother’s doing, but he didn’t expect those words to fall from your mouth. He gripped your hands just a little bit together as he brought the back of them to his lips, forcing his emotions down. Yoongi bit down hard on his tongue to stop him from saying exactly what he wanted to say about your idiot brother, but he knew that you were still hurting, still recovering, and didn’t want to upset you or hurt you even further.

“YN - I’m sure he was just drunk,” he starts, before he realizes that the man who calls himself your brother has no excuse for what he said to you, “that does not, and I mean does not, give him an excuse to treat you like that, but you literally haven’t heard from him in what? Three years?” You nodded your head, worrying your bottom lip between your teeth. Yoongi gently reached up and thumbed at your bottom lip, pulling it away from the assault of your teeth before continuing, “He’s called you over a hundred times since last night. I haven’t answered, he doesn’t know you’re here, as far as I know. If you don’t want to tell him, don’t want to talk to him, I will support you, but I also think it would be good for you to get closure from him. Even if that means cutting him out of your life.” 

You nodded slowly, taking in Yoongi’s words. You knew he was right. You didn’t want to go through life wondering if Namjoon really meant what he said, if he was sorry, if he still thinks about you. You decided to table the conversation for now. It’s not doing anyone any good stressing yourself out about it. First, you needed to have a serious conversation with Yoongi about what exactly was happening between the two of you. You didn’t want there to be any questions when you went home from the hospital, wanted to feel secure in the choices you were about to make.

“Yoongi?”

“Yes, darling.” Yoongi said cooly, still holding onto your hands. He was doing that a lot today and you definitely weren’t complaining. 

“What is this?” You pulled one of your hands gently from Yoongi’s grasp and gestured half-assedly between you both. 

Yoongi’s brow furrowed momentarily before smoothing out and giving you a soft look. “YN - I - I don’t know what you’re expecting,” here it goes, you thought, he’s going to reject you. He’s going to say that this was all too much and he’s only here because he feels guilty. “I really didn’t want to do this here, while you’re lying in a hospital bed,” he scoffs lightly, shaking his head. Your heart drops. Is he really going to leave like this? You bite both your lips between your teeth, looking away to brace yourself for what he’s about to say. “YN I think I’m in love with you.”

Your head shoots up so quickly you think you might have whiplash. Yoongi giggles quietly at your reaction, gummy smile on display for a moment. “W-what?” Is the dignified answer you sputter out. 

This time, Yoongi is looking you directly in the eyes when he says, “I love you, YN. I know it’s only been a few days, but I already can’t imagine my life without you in it. I don’t care what hurdles we have to get past, I don’t care about all your baggage that you seem to think will scare me away, and I definitely don’t care that you seem to think you aren’t worth it. I know you’re worth it, you’re worth all of it.” Before you could form a response, Yoongi is standing up from his chair, wrapping both arms around your small frame and bending a little awkwardly to pull you up slightly to a sitting position. A beat passes before you realize he’s trying to hug you, and you quickly wrap your arms around his neck the best you can while  attached to all these wires and tubes. Yoongi nuzzled into your hair, which you think is probably a horrid mess right now, and whispered close to your ear, “They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, right? I thought I lost you forever, that’s the biggest absence I could’ve felt from you. It made me realize I never want to let you go again.” He pulls back slightly, placing the softest kiss to your cheek before placing his forehead against yours.

You looked up at him through your now wet lashes, “I love you too, Yoongi. You make me feel safe. Something I haven’t felt in a really long time.” You choked out the last couple of words, tears making their way down your cheeks now. “I’m so sorry I put you through this, I’m so sorry I broke my promise.” You were sobbing again. 

“Shh,” he murmured against your hair, “It’s okay, love. You’re here now, and that’s all that matters. Whatever we need to work through, we will, together.”

“Thank you Yoongi, I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but thank you.”

“Don’t thank me, YN. I just want to see you continue living your life.”

You sniffled, pulling back from Yoongi to give him a smile. “Merry Christmas, Yoongi.”

“Merry Christmas, my love.”

You were stuck in the hospital for the mandatory three days after Christmas. During that time they ran multiple tests to make sure you didn’t have any lasting damage and you met with two different therapists. Sadly, you knew these procedures, as this wasn’t the first time you went through them. The second therapist you met with suggested putting you on a different antidepressant from the ones you had before, along with an anti-anxiety medication for at least the next few weeks. 

Yoongi stayed with you almost the entire time (aside from going home to check on Mochi and to shower), sleeping on two chairs pushed together, despite you inviting him up on your bed multiple times. He refused on the grounds of ‘I don’t want my first time in bed with you to be at the hospital’, to which you rolled your eyes at. Yoongi had really lightened your mood over the last few days, mixed with the new medications, you were almost feeling back to your ‘normal’ self, or at least as normal as you could be. 

You and Yoongi had decided that it would be best if you took at least one more week off work to recover, and Yoongi was quick to offer to stay with you at your cabin, or have you come stay with him at his, enticing you with Mochi cuddles. Eventually you decided on alternating between the two houses to give you a little reprieve from the memories your cabin will inevitably bring back. Neither of you were dim, you both knew being at the hospital was like a vacation away from your demons. When you stepped foot back in that house, you would likely struggle, at least a little bit more than you are here. 

Being on bed rest for a few days, on top of having your stomach pumped, really did a number on your muscles. You were consistently sore, and were almost too weak to walk on your own. Yoongi was quite the gentleman, massaging your calves when they hurt and walking you to the bathroom when you needed it. You felt lucky to be loved by him. You wanted to be able to show him just how much you loved him in return, and made a mental note to do just that once you recovered. 

On your second night in the hospital, a man by the name of Jungkook came by to check on you and Yoongi. He introduced himself as Yoongi’s best friend and you learned he was married with a baby due in just a few weeks. He was kind and handsome, just like Yoongi. You also found out that he had stayed with Yoongi at the hospital, on Christmas, while you were unconscious. You profusely apologized to the man, getting into a bowing battle while you were sitting on the edge of your bed, while he profusely refused your apologies. You decided you really liked Jungkook and his aloof personality and were glad Yoongi had such a great friend to be there for him. 

You were finally being released on December 28th in Yoongi’s care, something he wasn’t going to take lightly. The hospital made him sign paperwork saying he would keep an eye on you. While it made you feel slightly like a teenager again, you couldn’t deny that you probably needed it, and were just thankful it was Yoongi who would be the one watching over you. 

It was nearing 7 in the evening, well past dark, when Yoongi wheeled your wheelchair, another accommodation you tried to fight, out to his car. He helped you into the front seat, making sure you were comfortable before strapping you in with the seatbelt, closing the door, and jogging to the driver’s side. 

Yoongi clapped his hands together and rubbed them furiously together for a moment. “It’s freezing! Let’s get you home, baby!” He flashed you a gummy smile before starting the engine. 

You giggled at his antics and felt your cheeks heat at the pet name, covering your mouth with your hand. You were feeling pretty good on the drive home, Yoongi looking over at you every couple of minutes to make sure you were alright. You were curled up in the passenger seat watching the trees zoom past the window. Sometime during the drive, Yoongi reached over across the center console and placed his large hand over your knee. You glanced over at him, softly smiling at eachother, and placed your much smaller hand over his, intertwining your fingers together. 

The drive wasn’t long, maybe twenty minutes, but in those twenty minutes, you grew excited. Excited to spend time with Yoongi tonight, to lay with each other in your bed, excited for the future for what felt like the first time since your parents passed. You pictured your parents for a moment, a fleeting thought, what would they think of Yoongi? You wish they could’ve met him. You’re sure your mom would have loved his kind nature and his ability to cook. Your dad would have liked that he had good manners and was always a gentleman. You turned your head to look out the window, smiling sadly to yourself. You were sad they were gone, of course, but you were also happy in this moment and you didn’t want your memories to subtract from that. 

“Almost home, love.” Yoongi said, squeezing your knee. You didn’t realize you had just about dozed off, head leaning on the window. You pulled your hand away from Yoongi’s to rub at your eyes briefly. “Uh, YN?” You looked up at Yoongi in confusion, his tone almost panicked. “Whose car is that?”

Your eyes immediately found the car in question, a sleek, black sports car, parked behind your crappy silver sedan in the cabin’s driveway. It only took you a moment to realize by the license plate ‘RKIVE’ that it was your brother’s. 

You swallowed the lump in your throat as Yoongi turned into his own driveway. He could tell by your reaction, you didn’t want to see the owner of that car. 

“My brother.”

It took you a good thirty minutes of pacing Yoongi’s kitchen and countless encouragements from the man himself to build up the courage to go over to your cabin. You had so many questions; why was Namjoon here? How long had he been there? How did he get in? You know you had the locks changed in the last three years since the incident. What confused you the most though, is the fact that his calls completely stopped after Christmas day. You had assumed that he had given up trying to contact you and went on with his life, but apparently he had different plans.

“Are you ready baby?” Yoongi asked you from the kitchen, standing up from pouring food into Mochi’s bowl.

“I really don’t know, Yoongi,” you twisted your wrist in your other hand, a nervous habit, “What if he’s here to yell at me again?”

“YN, I really don’t think he blew your phone up for a day and then drove all the way out here to yell at you,” Yoongi started, rubbing his hands up and down your arms, “and besides, if he is here to yell at you, I’ll be right by your side the entire time. You know I wouldn’t let anything bad happen to you, right?”

You nodded, letting out a deep sigh. Yoongi smiled at you and pinched your chin between his thumb and his forefinger, brought your face up to meet his gently, and placed a kiss on your forehead. Your eyes fell shut and you felt all the tension in your body flow out of your body at once. This man really did have an effect on you, and you were thankful for that in this moment. “It’s now or never, I guess.”

You and Yoongi walked hand in hand over to your cabin, standing at your front door, you hesitated before unlocking it. Yoongi squeezed your hand as a silent gesture to let you know he was with you. You took a few cautious steps into the house, silently looking around the open living room. No sign of Joon yet.

As you stepped around the corner, you could hear faint rustling coming from one of the rooms. “Joon?” You called gently, probably not quite loud enough for anyone to hear. “Namjoon?” You called a little louder. The rustling stopped. Now you heard quick footsteps, loud clumsy footsteps that you could never mistake, heading in your direction. You stood half in front of Yoongi, hands still intertwined behind your back waiting for your brother to appear. 

Namjoon stumbled out of his old bedroom, looking not at all what you expected him to look like. He was wearing an old pair of black sweatpants and a faded t-shirt that you think once had your father’s college alumni printed on it. His light purple hair, that’s new, was disheveled and sticking out in every direction, looking like he had run his hand through it at least a thousand times. But what shocked you the most, was the pure panic in his eyes. As soon as his eyes met yours, the panic seemed to dissipate, though it didn’t completely disappear. He rushed over to you, placing both his large hands on the tops of your shoulders, startling you and causing you to bump into Yoongi behind you.

“YN - Oh my god, YN,” Namjoon started to sob, head dropping down onto your shoulder. You felt Yoongi let go of your hand and placed both of his hands on your waist, holding you steady against his chest. “Thank God you’re ok! Where the hell have you been!?” Namjoon was full on crying into your shoulder now, tears staining Yoongi’s sweatshirt he had let you wear home from the hospital. You were still pretty weak on your legs from the bedrest, so you started to wobble a bit from the pressure Namjoon was putting on you.

You started to bring your hand up to lightly push back from Namjoon to maintain your balance, bracing yourself against Yoongi. Namjoon looked at you with confusion in his eyes, before he glanced up seemingly noticing the blonde man behind you for the first time.

“Who the hell are you?” Namjoon demanded, though he didn’t sound very threatening with tears flowing down his face. 

“I-” Yoongi started, but you cut him off, feeling suddenly defensive of the man you love. 

“My boyfriend,” you started, causing Yoongi’s eyes to widen slightly. It’s not that he didn’t like the new title, he was just shocked, hearing it come from you. “Why are you here, Joon?”

“Boy- boyfriend? YN what is going on? Is that where you’ve been? Sleeping around with him?” You furrowed your brow, mouth dropping open. Was he drunk? 

“Are you fucking drunk again Namjoon?!” You started to raise your voice, attempting to pull away from Yoongi, but he wasn’t letting you move any further, worried for both you and your brother at this point. He’s never heard you raise your voice, and if he’s being honest, it’s rather intimidating.

“Yeah YN, I am! I drove 3 hours down to this God forsaken cabin last night to find my baby sister missing, nowhere to be found and a bottle of empty pills in the bathroom. How the fuck do you think I was supposed to deal with this?!” He was near screaming at this point. 

You raised your finger up and pointed it right at Namjoon’s chest, “Oh, I don’t know Joon, maybe you could have actually gone out and looked for me instead of sitting on your ass and drinking yourself to death!” Yoongi had a tight grip on your upper arms at this point, making sure you didn’t get physical. He was pretty sure your brother wouldn’t hurt you, but he couldn’t say the same for you. 

Namjoon scoffed at you, taking a small step forward so your finger pushed into his firm chest. “I thought you were dead YN! I was fucking terrified I was going to find you out in that God damned lake, frozen to death. I- I-” he stuttered out, fresh tears building up at his lashes and anger dissipating, “I was scared. I didn’t want to find you out there again.”

Though Namjoon’s anger seemed to be lessening, yours was only building. “Scared? You were scared!? Why!? Because if you found me out there, you knew it would have been your fault?” You spit the last words at your brother, you knew it was low, but he literally cut you out of his life, what did you owe him?

You watched as Namjoon let the tears fall down his cheeks, biting at his trembling lower lip. “I’m so - so sorry YN,” he whimpered, actually whimpered. You don’t think you’ve ever heard your beast of an older brother whimper. “You have to under- understand that I didn’t mean what I said the other night. I listened to the voicemail a few hours after I left it and I- I was so worried when you weren’t answering your phone. I wanted to apologize, take it back, but I was scared it was too late. I even called the police the day after to ask if they- th-” he didn’t need to finish that sentence, you knew what he meant. If they found your body. You heard Yoongi inhale a sharp breath behind you, obviously affected by what Namjoon was trying to say. You nearly forgot he has been a witness to this whole scene. “They said they didn’t find… anyone. I tried to let it go, tried to let you ignore me, but I couldn’t. I had to come down here and see for myself.”

“Well, here I am. You can leave. Now,” you spat, turning around and walking towards your kitchen. “C’mon Yoongi,” you mumbled, taking Yoongi’s hand in yours. 

“YN - wait,” it wasn’t your brother’s voice that you expected to hear, but Yoongi’s. You stopped and turned around, staring at him like he grew two heads. He took a step closer to you, “You need closure, YN,” he whispered softly down at you. Your eyes softened at his ability to stay so calm and level headed throughout this entire ordeal. You blinked up at him a few times before nodding your head. 

Yoongi didn’t want to put you in a position you were uncomfortable with and he knew you didn’t want to look at your brother. Hell, he wanted to beat the shit out of Namjoon himself, but he knew you needed this. 

You took a few steps past Yoongi, stopping a few feet in front of your brother. Namjoon, who had previously been staring a hole through the carpet, met your eyes with his glistening ones. Yes, he said horrible things to you. Yes, he has treated you as if you don’t exist for the past three years. But, he’s still your brother, right? He’s quite literally the only family you have left in this world. With both your parents gone, grandparents long dead, and no other siblings, Joon was really all you had. Even though he may not deserve your forgiveness, don’t you owe it to yourself to try and patch up your relationship?

“Joon…” you trailed off, looking up at the ceiling attempting to stop the rush of tears stinging the backs of your eyes. You weren’t sure if you should tell him what happened over the last few days, since you last heard his voice. He was the reason you were in the hospital in the first place, but did you really want to make him feel the guilt for putting you there? You weren’t so sure. Your caring nature yelling at you internally to lie, to sugar coat things to spare your brother the pain. Before you could fight your internal battle, it was Namjoon who spoke first. 

“Can we talk about this, a little more privately maybe?” He questioned, his sour tone catching Yoongi’s attention. Yoongi has tried to stay quiet through all of this, hoping to let you hash it out on your own. It wasn’t his place, after all. He didn’t know your brother, and he believed you could handle yourself. But he wasn’t about to leave you alone with Namjoon, and he needed to make sure the other man knew that.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Yoongi started, folding his arms across his chest defensively, “She is in my care, after all.” He really didn’t want to play that card, unsure of how you would feel about it, but he really, really, needed Namjoon to know that he wasn’t going to budge. 

“What the hell do you mean she’s in ‘your care’?” Namjoon narrowed his eyes, shooting a questioning glare your way.

You let out a heavy sigh, briefly turning your body to give Yoongi an apologetic look. “I’ve been in the hospital, Joon. They only released me on the condition he stays with me, or vice versa.”

“Wh-what do you mean you were in the hospital?” His previous distraught look coming back, “Why didn’t you call me? I’m your family I should be the one-”

You cut him off before he could finish that statement, “Taking care of me? Namjoon, you left me at a hospital three years ago and haven’t so much as said ‘hello’ to me since then. What makes you think you have any right to even assume I would want you to care for me?” Namjoon at least had the decency to look ashamed of himself for the first time tonight.

“YN, I- I called that night, on Christmas Eve, to apologize,” he looked behind you at a glaring Yoongi before looking back at your equally enraged face, “I know, I know! I definitely didn’t do that in the voicemail that I left, ok I know,” he put his hand up as if to pacify you, “I had been drinking and I was thinking about you - in fact I - I think about you all the time. I’ve just been a terrified asshole who was too afraid you’d reject my apology. I had the courage that night and tried calling you a few times. When you didn’t answer I figured you hated me, and it set me off. I- I’m s-so sorry YN I never, ever meant to hurt you like this. I was so scared of losing you, I tried to distance myself from you, so if I did l-lose you, it wouldn’t hurt as bad as when we lost mom and dad.”

Your eyes softened minutely at his words, the fire in your eyes fleeting, but still there. “You’re fucking right you’ve been an asshole Joon,” you scoffed, “did you ever think about what I needed? How I felt? You distancing yourself from me was like having my entire family ripped away from me. You were all I had left.” Your last words were whispered, but your brother heard them loud and clear. 

Namjoon's long legs only needed two steps in your direction before you were chest to chest with him, his strong arms wrapping around your shoulders. To say you were shocked was an understatement. Regardless of how much you wanted to hate your brother right now, you couldn’t deny that it felt nice to be in his familiar arms again. He hasn’t hugged you in years, and you’re feeling lightheaded from all the physical contact you’ve had in the last week. It took you a moment to respond to his hug, slowly wrapping your weak arms around his middle. He could feel the way your small frame was beginning to shake, presuming you were weak from being in the hospital. It took him a second to realize you were sobbing in his arms.

Namjoon nuzzled his face into the side of your head, having to bend a significant amount to account for the height difference, and croaked, “I’m sorry YN. I’m so, so sorry. I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but please, please let me be here for you. Let me be your shoulder to cry on, be the one you confide in again.” He sniffled, rubbing his cheek against the top of your head. “I’ll stay by your side, I won't leave you, I promise.”

“I’ve missed you so much,” you blubbered out, soaking Namjoon’s shirt with your tears. He ran a hand soothingly up and down your back as he let his own silent tears fall. 

“I’ve missed you too baby sister.”

Yoongi had been a silent observer, staying back, allowing you both to have the space you needed to sort this out. At this point, he wore a small smile, arms still crossed over one another. He decided it was time for him to leave you both alone for a moment to catch up and talk things through a little further. He quietly slipped out of the living room with a plan to make some hot tea for you, briefly meeting Namjoon’s eyes which were silently thanking the older man.Yoongi gave a quick nod and turned to walk away. 

You and your brother spent the next few hours talking about everything on your living room couches. He stayed close, but not too close, to give you your own space, which you appreciated. Yoongi came back after a little while, hot tea and mugs in tow. He sat by your side, offering you silent support with a hand on your knee or shoulder. You were thankful for his presence. Even though you and Namjoon had talked some things out, you still felt a little awkward with him here. 

You told Namjoon about your job and how you haven’t left it yet, despite hating your boss for so long. You talked about your life in Busan and how you moved into a new apartment a couple years back. He told you about his studio, Rkive, in Seoul and how he’s been working with some pretty big names recently. He was hopeful that one of his songs was up for Song of the Year for some award show next month. You expressed how proud you were of him, finally having the chance to tell him. Most importantly, you talked about your brief stay at the rehab facility three years ago and your most recent stay in the hospital here. You both cried when you talked about your second attempt at your life. You hugged each other and Namjoon apologized profusely to you, which you graciously accepted.

After you had spilled all your collective tears and put everything out on the table, Namjoon turned his attention to the other man in the room, who up until this point, had been completely quiet. “Yoongi?”

Yoongi was taken by surprise at the sound of his name coming from Namjoon’s mouth. Eyebrows raised, he looked at the purple haired man sitting across from him, “Hmm?” 

“I wanted to thank you,” Namjoon said apologetically, “I don’t know you, but you saved my sister. She also seems to trust you,” he gave you a quick smile, showing off one of his dimples, “so I guess I should, too. But really, man, thank you. I don’t know what I would do if I lost her.” His gaze fell to his hands that were clasped in his lap.

Yoongi sat up a little straighter on the couch before answering, “You don’t have to thank me. I share the sentiment, I don’t know what I would do without her.” He smiled down at your, wrapping his arm around your shoulders, making you give him a small smile in return. “I really love her,” he said lovingly. He was talking to Namjoon, but he was staring into your eyes, getting lost in them for a moment. Namjoon noticed this, and couldn’t hide the smile that was spreading across his own face. That’s when he knew you were in good hands. He trusted Yoongi.

The next hour passed by quickly, sharing more stories amongst the three of you. Eventually Namjoon told you he had to get going, needing to be back in Seoul for a meeting tomorrow morning. He offered to cancel and stay the night, but you and Yoongi both told him he should go, and not to worry about you. If Yoongi wasn’t here, Namjoon would have definitely canceled, but he felt good about leaving you with him 

You wrapped your arms around your brother's neck, reaching up on your tiptoes. Namjoons arms wrapped around your middle, lifting you up slightly as he whispered in your ear, “I love you baby sister, please don’t forget that. I never stopped loving you.”

“I love you too Joon, don’t be a stranger.”

“I won't, trust me,” he let out a short laugh, devoid of any humor before setting you back down on your feet. He turned to look at Yoongi, before reaching out to shake his hand. Yoongi walked the short distance to grab his hand, only to be pulled into Namjoon’s frame for a hug. “Thank you again, Yoongi. I wish I could stay longer to get to know you a little better, but it was really nice to meet you.”

“I’m sure there will be more opportunities for us to meet,” Yoongi said, with an almost demanding tone. Namjoon took the warning for what it was, leaving you a little oblivious next to them. “Drive safe.”

Namjoon pulled away, giving you one final smile, before turning around to take his leave. You stood in the doorway, watching your brother start his car and pull out of the driveway. You knew you had plenty more unresolved issues and a lot more to discuss, but for now, your chest felt lighter at the aspect of having your brother back in your life. You were a little sad that he had to leave so quickly, when you felt like you just got him back, but were hopeful you would see him soon. 

Yoongi could feel your mood shift slightly, moving to wrap his arms around you from behind in a comforting back hug. You closed and locked the front door before turning around in his grasp. “I’m sorry,” you murmured into his chest. You didn’t see it, but Yoongi looked down at you in confusion.

“Why are you sorry, love?” He inquired, rubbing a hand up and down your spine.

“I’m sorry you had to sit here all night and listen to me cry,” you began, “I’m also sorry you had to meet my brother under such circumstances.”

“Don’t be sorry, YN. I’m so happy you were able to see Namjoon again and talk about things. I know it can be hard to talk about these things, and I know it must be hard to let him back into your life suddenly, but I know it will be helpful to you in the long run. I only want you to be happy, love.”

You look up at Yoongi in complete awe. How was this man in love with you? A broken shell of a person, with her weights worth of baggage. What did you do to deserve him? The literal epitome of perfection.

“Don’t thank me,” Yoongi lightly scolded, a smile on his face. “I can practically hear your thoughts right now.”

You scoffed, mock offended, putting your hands on his chest to playfully pull away. He wasn’t having it though, and pulled you back into him, rocking you both back and forth gently. “Oh no you don’t, you’re mine tonight,” you know he meant it in a playful way, but it did things to you that you didn’t want to admit to yourself right now, “I told you I wanted to lay with you properly and I’ve been waiting way too long to finally do that.”

“Let’s go to bed,” you began, taking Yoongi’s hand in your, walking down the hallway towards your bedroom. 

“Sounds like a great plan,” Yoongi said, following after you obediently. 

After you and Yoongi both got changed (Yoongi having to run home to grab some things, and also grab a very unamused cat), you kneeled in the corner of your room playing with Mochi, who lay in his cat bed that Yoongi also brought over. 

Yoongi was laying back on your pink sheets, arms crossed behind his head, watching you in amusement. “He really likes you, you know.”

You looked over your shoulder with a toothy smile on your face. Yoongi very nearly melted into your mattress at the sight. “You think so?” Yoongi nodded as you turned back around to face the Calico in front of you. “Well, I really like him too,” you cooed at the cat in question as he arched his back into your pets. After you had your fill of cuddles, you slowly stood up from your crouching position, causing Mochi to mewl.

Yoongi let out a loud laugh from his spot on your bed. “Yeah, I would say he definitely likes you.”

You laughed along with Yoongi while turning the lamp on your side table off. Yoongi scooted over on the bed to make room for you, pulling the pink and white comforter back. You gladly took your spot on the bed, rolling on your side to face Yoongi. To say you were nervous was a big understatement. “I’m gonna miss him when I go back to Busan,” you whispered sadly. 

“I’m glad my cat made such a big impact on you,” Yoongi said dryly, deadpanning in your direction.

You giggled quietly and shushed him. “Of course I’m gonna miss you too, Yoongi. I thought that was a given.”

“I mean, it’s still nice to hear,” he gently smiled down at you before draping one arm over your side, placing his warm hand on your lower back. He nudged your back a little, signaling you to move closer, to which you obliged. “You know, you don’t have to go back,” Yoongi whispered, hopefully. 

“Yoongs, I have to,” Yoongi smiled his signature gummy smile at the nickname making you stifle a laugh, “my job is there, I have an apartment there. I can’t just leave.”

“Is this cabin paid off?” Yoongi asked abruptly, before you could continue making excuses.

“Yes…” you trailed off hesitantly. 

“Then you could leave your lease in Busan, and move to the cabin. I know you love your job, but there is an animal shelter here. It’s where I got Mochi from,” the cat meowed softly in the corner, making you smile again, “I could put in a good word for you.”

Yoongi was so thoughtful. I definitely don’t deserve this man, you thought to yourself. Yoongi chuckled and raised his hand to brush a strand of hair over your shoulder. “Did I just say that outloud?” You asked, mortified for Yoongi’s answer.

He just nodded, still giggling. “YN you deserve the world, and I will work every day to make sure you believe that.” 

Your cheeks were hot, but your heart was full at his words. This beautiful man in front of you wanted to give you the world, wanted to make sure you never wanted for more in your life. Who were you to turn down such an offer? What did you have to lose anyways? A shitty paycheck and an even shitter apartment. That’s what.

“Okay.” You state simply.

“Okay?” Yoongi perked up, lifting his head a bit to stare at you. It was dark, but there was enough moonlight shining through your window that you could see the way his eyes lit up at your words. You smiled a bright smile at him, nodding your head aggressively. “Do you mean that?” Now he was sporting a smile to match your own.

“Yes, Yoongi. I’ll do it. I want to do it. I’m ready.” You smiled, because you were. You don’t think you’ve ever spoken truer words. You were ready. Ready to put Busan behind you, ready to start a new life with Yoongi. 

“I love you YN,” Yoongi said seriously, searching your eyes for any bit of hesitance, to which he found none, “I mean it, love.” He looked down to your pink lips, and back up at your eyes. 

Your breath caught in your throat, the feeling of butterflies suffocating your lungs was a good one for once. You nibbled on your bottom lip and exhaled shakily. Yoongi grunted, a sound you realized you found incredibly sexy and wanted to commit to memory for a rainy day. He was staring at you intensely, silently asking for permission, which you granted with a quick nod of your head.

Yoongi’s lips crashed onto yours with an intensity you’ve never felt before. The flutter in your chest only increased as his soft lips moved against yours. All you could feel, taste, smell, was Yoongi. You inhaled his citrus-y scent, letting it surround you and he brought his free hand up to your burning cheek while his other caressed your side gently. He tasted better than you could have ever imagined, a little minty, and you were immediately hooked. His kiss was like the nicotine you craved from your cigarettes, your new addiction. Your lips moved together synchronously for a few minutes before both of your lungs burned for oxygen and you reluctantly pulled away. 

Yoongi held your face in his hands like fragile China, reveling in this moment here with you, your face illuminated by the moon shining through your window. He saw galaxies in your lust filled eyes, the most beautiful sight he’s ever seen.

“Thank you, YN,” Yoongi whispered breathlessly, mere centimeters from your lips.

“For what?” You asked, just as breathless, chest heaving.

“For giving me one more day.”

© aliendes | copyright 2020

#bts fanfic #bts #bts yoongi #min yoongi #yoongi fanfic #yoongi #soft yoongi #depressed reader #depression #bangtan #bangtan fanfic #yoongi ff #suga #suga fanfic #aliendes #one more day #bts x reader #yoongi x reader #bts fic #bts oneshot #yoongi oneshot #yoongi angst #bts angst

[t-lostinworlds]

Santa Claus? (Shawn Mendes)

*Found You bonus content*

A/N: A lil’ something for Christmas with my favorite boy Angelo and as a sorry gift for not doing a part 2 of Leaked hehe. This was supposed to be a short blurb, 1k words at max but HA guess who got carried away. Again. I can’t seem to write short blurbs for some reason without it turning into a whole long ass fic lmao. Anyhow I hope you enjoy this one!

Summary: You get a much unexpected visit from a big, tall man with a long, white beard. Angelo catches his mom kissing said man. And an even bigger surprise comes your way the next morning.

Warnings: None but Fluff and Typos

Word Count: 5.9k+

Masterlist in Bio

-:-:-:-:-

You finally got Angelo to sleep and you were relieved.

It was daunting to hear the 6-year-old ask about where his dad was, his dad who happens to be working even if there were only two days left until Christmas.

It was a last minute show that got added to his schedule, hence why his time away from home got extended. Plus, it's a charity event so you couldn't exactly complain or be mad about it.

Angelo is smart even at his age, so he does understand why his dad is away, but of course, the young boy can't stop himself from getting upset when he wakes up to see that his father is still not around.

Shawn calls every day of course, but that's never the same.

Hell, he wasn't even around when you put up the Christmas tree and all the decorations. It was heartbreaking to see that pout on Angelo's lips when he had that conversation with his dad over FaceTime that he wasn't going to do it with him this year.

You were just so glad that Aaliyah and Karen came over that day to help, uplifting Angelo's mood for sure.

And you miss your man just as much too. It's been too long since the day he was back home, and you want nothing more than the three of you to sit on the couch, all huddled up as you watch whatever Christmas movie with hot chocolates in hand. Then later in the night, you would finally get him all to yourself once Angelo is tucked in bed.

But you'll have to work with whatever you have for now.

You left the door slightly ajar to your's and Shawn's bedroom, that way you can hear Angelo if he ever gets out of bed. After turning the main light off, you slipped underneath the covers and clicked your side lamp on. You got yourself comfortable before you pulled out your book from the drawer and you just indulged.

*     *     *

Time flew pass you quickly that you didn't even notice that it was already 1 am until you stifled out a yawn. Closing the book and placing it on your side table, you reached over to turn the lamp off, but before you could even do so, you heard something fall on the floor outside with a hard thud.

With furrowed brows, you slowly got out of bed, making sure to grab the bat that you left just by the door on the way out. Not that the building wasn't secure but you just had to make sure you have any type of self-defense just in case.

You checked Angelo's room to see that the boy was still in bed, soundly asleep. You took a deep breath as you locked his door before closing it shut. You then slowly creeped your way to the living room, all while making sure that you were silent enough to not alarm whoever was in your house.

Your grip on the bat was tight as your heart hammered against your chest. You could make out the shuffling of feet and the sound of rustling paper as you grew closer the living space.

You were very sure that you've locked the doors but it seems like someone just broke into your home, judging by the soft humming along with the sound of things being moved. Oddly enough, the first thing you saw once you've reached the living room was a man dressed in red and white, hunched over the Christmas tree with a big red bag in hand.

Confusion filled you up but you kept quiet, walking towards them at a safe distance to where you can swing the bat with full force. "Drop the bag or I'm going to split your skull open." You said slowly, voice low but shaky because as much as you can definitely hurt him, you don't know if he was armed or not, making him a treat still.

Maybe you should've just stayed in bed and called the cops.

The man chuckled, hands quick to shot up as he held it in surrender. He turned his head slightly so he can look at you over his shoulder, your eyes catching a glimpse of the long white beard on his face. "There's no need for that honey."

Realization washed over you at the sound of his voice, that extremely familiar voice that you'll always recognize no matter what the occasion.

"Shawn?" He nodded at his name, standing up and turning to face you, grabbing the tip of his fake beard and pulling it down to reveal his face fully, wide smile and all. He was about to say something when you caught him off guard as you swung the bat to hit him right on the bicep, not too hard but just enough for it to sting a little.

"Ow! What was that for?" Shawn yelped, hand coming up to rubbed his arm as he looked at you in pure shock. "You scared the shit out of me you fucking idiot! I thought someone had broken in or something!" You dropped the bat on the floor, a loud clank echoing through the walls as you crossed your arms over your chest in pure annoyance.

"Surprise?" A sheepish grin made its way onto Shawn's lips as he slowly made his way towards you, hands grabbing your wrists to unfold your arms and throwing it over his shoulders. "I'm sorry for scaring you angel, but you do look so hot when you're in fight mode, you brave badass woman." Shawn purred, arms wrapping around your waist as he pulls you closer to his body, the warmth feeling comforting that you couldn't help but relax in his hold.

"You're very lucky I miss your stupid face so much or you would be sleeping on the couch tonight." You scoffed with a roll of your eyes, earning a soft chuckle from him. He nudged the tip of his nose with yours, his eyes crinkling as he softly whispered, "I missed you too my love, oh so much."

You sighed, fingers getting lost in the curls of the nape of his neck that were slightly hidden under his Christmas hat. The fabric of his outfit felt so soft on your skin, your eyes looking down as you gave him a once over before you shook your head at your man. "How are you home already and why on earth are you dressed as Santa Claus?"

Shawn shrugged with a smile. "I took the first flight home after the show, couldn't wait till morning to see you two. As for the costume, I was going to call you to come downstairs once I'm done placing the gifts, and I thought it would be cute for you to see me in this outfit as a surprise, but you caught me first so here we are. It was a great plan in my head but now it does seem like I'm a burglar. I'm sorry for scaring you honey." He pouted, giving your body a gentle squeeze as he touches his forehead against yours.

"You're such an idiot you know that right?" You giggled, still in pure disbelief at how corny and stupid he can be at times but nevertheless, you were extremely overjoyed to finally have him home.

"Hmm, but I am your idiot who you love so much." Shawn hummed, head dipping as he finally captured your lips in his after a long time, too long.

Sighs of relief escaped the two of you as you smiled between the kiss, happy to feel the warmth course through your bodies in the cold December night. You can feel his smirk widen a few seconds later as he nibbled on your bottom lip, both hands coming down to rest on top of the swell of your bum, giving it a soft, cheeky squeeze emitting a giggle out of you.

Shawn will never have enough of you and he always makes sure he gets that point across in more ways than one.

But before any of you could go any further—to which Shawn was so keen on moving it to the couch—a small voice interrupted your sweet reunion.

"Mommy?"

You and Shawn pulled away like two teenagers who just got caught making out in the janitor's closet, both pairs of wide eyes turning to see a little boy standing there, half asleep or half awake, you couldn't tell with the way his eyes were squinted.

Shawn was quick to pull his fake beard up to hide his face as you took a step forward and turned to Angelo who was looking at you with furrowed brows. The little boy's head was titled to the side in an attempt to see more of the person who stood behind you.

"Santa Claus?" Angelo questioned again, confusion laced in his voice as he stood still right in the hallway, small hands coming up to rub his sleepy eyes.

"Uh..." You shot Shawn a look to stop him from speaking. The boy was still too young and you don't want to ruin his belief in Santa just yet. He has to find out the truth on his own terms. Plus, you and Shawn aren't ready to break the news to him especially when it was nearing Christmas, and this is definitely not the way to do it.

You approached Angelo with a sigh, crouching down once you reached him so you were almost his same height. "Angelo sweetheart, why are you out of bed?" You cooed, hands coming up to rub his arms softly.

"I was going for a wee but I heard someone talking. Mommy why is Santa in our living room? It's not Christmas yet." The little boy lifted a finger up to which you assumed was pointed at the tall man standing there with his long white beard. You looked over your shoulder to see Shawn just staying still, half of his face hidden with his hand up in a small wave, and you tried your best to hold back a laugh at his antic.

You turned back to Angelo with a smile. "Well, he wanted to give you an early present with more to come this Christmas since you've been such a good boy." Before the boy could even muster a response, a loud yawn escaped his lips instead once he opened his mouth, the sheer look of tiredness still painted on his cute little face.

"Now, Santa needs to finish putting your gifts and you're not allowed to peek, so let's get you back to bed my love." Angelo muttered a soft 'okay' as you lifted him off the floor, his small arms clinging around your neck while he rests his head on your shoulder, such an endearing sight for Shawn to see.

"Goodnight Santa." The little boy called out sleepily as you carried him back to his room.

Shawn only waved as his heart grew twice its size. Angelo looking so comfortable in your arms and how it looked like it belonged, only goes to prove that it definitely was time.

Once you two were out of sight, Shawn was quick to finish what he started, placing all the gifts under the tree and making sure to place yours with much extra care.

*     *     *

You came back a few minutes later to see him in the kitchen with a glass of milk in one hand and his phone on the other, hat and beard long forgotten on the countertop. His smile only widens as he saw you approach, locking his phone and placing it face down so he can give his queen his full attention.

"Is he asleep?" Shawn asked, hand extended for you to take to which you did, with a sweet smile of your own to match his. He leaned back on the kitchen island as he pulled you closer to stand right between his legs, his hands firm on the small of your back while yours laid flat on his chest.

"Hmm, but if he asks about Santa again tomorrow, it's your turn to explain mister." You raised an eyebrow at him in an accusing manner to which Shawn only nodded with a chuckle; though his soft laugh was quick to dissipate, replaced by this serious look as he stared at you lovingly, hands stroking your back up and down in a comforting way that only made you melt more into his arms.

"I love you so much, you know that right?" Shawn sighed in pure gratitude, brown orbs boring straight into yours that showed nothing but the full truth.

It was so heartwarming to see that he does in fact love you just as much as you love him, if not, even more. Words can never truly give justice to how happy you feel to have found your place in his world, and to have found a family in him and Angelo.

"And I love you, oh so much." You whispered as happy tears started to well up your eyes as all the beautiful memories replayed itself in your mind. A soft coo escaped Shawn's lips as he pulls you in for a warm hug, your emotional state tugging at his heartstrings in the best way possible.

"I'm so lucky to have you in my life Y/N. You make me of so happy my love, you have no idea." He murmured against your hair, as if the moment wasn't emotional enough.

"Oh stop, you're going to make me cry even more." You giggled with a soft sniffle, pulling away slightly so you can fully meet his eyes, and you didn't need to tell Shawn anything for him to see that you do feel the same way about him. A silent communication was enough to let your hearts know how much you mean to one another.

"You're probably tired from your flight, let's go get some sleep." You added, about to walk away from his grasp but his hold around you only tightened. His smile was quick to switch, turning into this one smirk he does that only means pure mischief and you couldn't help yourself from feeling a bit excited.

"Well, me getting some sleep is entirely up to you babe." Shawn wriggled his eyebrows suggestively, his voice a low growl that only made your insides churn.

And let's just say after his comment, you two got way lesser sleep than intended, and it was entirely his fault.

*     *     *

It was the next morning and like clockwork, you and Angelo were already in the kitchen making breakfast. The little boy always insists that he helps even if it's just handing you wooden spoons or whatever ingredient he can carry every now and then.

Angelo was stood on this small, movable stairs beside you that enables him to just watch what you're doing without having the trouble of being on his tippy toes, in which it also helps him grab things off the counter with ease.

Shawn, on the other hand, was still asleep and Angelo doesn't have a single clue that his dad was just in the bedroom as you haven't told him yet. You don't want to cut off Shawn's slumber with a 6-year-old jumping on him with no remorse whatsoever. Your man does need some rest after all.

It didn't take long for him to emerge out of bed though. Shawn always seems to know when you're not beside him anymore, such an adorable habit of his.

"Daddy! You're home!" Angelo's face lit up like fairy lights once he saw his dad walk in the kitchen. His small form scrambling down the steps hastily that he almost trips on his own feet. "Oh careful!" You grabbed his arm just in time to keep him upright, his small form in fits of giggles as he ran towards his dad, Shawn scooping him up with ease with a laugh of his own, pure happiness radiating off the two.

"Good morning buddy." Shawn rested the boy on his hip effortlessly, sleepy grin on his face with a bed head of unruly curls to match. It was a pleasing sight to say the least as Shawn wore nothing but his gray sweatpants, chest completely bare, v-line in full view, and muscles all flexed as he tries to balance Angelo in his arms.

Shawn is a very hot dad, definitely no doubt about that.

Once Angelo got his fair share of kisses from his father—giggles, squeals and all—he was placed by Shawn on his high stool across you, the dad rounding the kitchen island until he reached your side, head dipping to give you a loving peck on the lips.

"Good morning beautiful." Shawn smiled, pure adoration coating his beautiful features, a look that will never fail to make your heart flutter. "Good morning to you too handsome." You hummed, giving him another peck before you turned your attention back on the task of dividing the bacon on each plate.

"Daddy! Daddy! I saw Santa last night!" You and Shawn shared a look, your head nudging towards Angelo to say that you've already had a deal that it was his turn whenever Angelo asks about Santa again.

Shawn only nodded with a chuckle as he turned to his son, a fake surprise expression on his face. "You did?" He asked, feigning curiosity that made Angelo only nod with giggles.

Shawn left your side to walk over to the little boy, sitting right beside him and giving him his full attention to show that he was very interested to what his son has to say.

Your heart melted at the sight of pure excitement and joy on Angelo's face as you walked over to their side, placing their plates of home cooked breakfast right in front of them.

"Thank you honey." Shawn flashed you a quick smile before his attention was back to Angelo since the boy was too keen on telling his father his story. "Was his beard really long?" Shawn asked, just feeding the boys excitement with his new found discovery that Santa was real, well, sort of.

You went right back to where you were standing before to eat your own meal, just observing your two boys across from you in silence.

"Yup! It reached his belly! And Mommy was there too! And they were kissing!"

You almost choked with your coffee at Angelo's statement while Shawn tried his hardest to suppress his laugh, replacing his amusement with shock as his mouth turned into a shape of an O.

"They were what?!" The dad gasped in the most overly exaggerated way he could muster, and it took everything in your power to not hurl something at him. Instead, you just roll your eyes, keeping quiet as you let Shawn handle it in whatever way he prefers.

"Mommy and Santa were kissing just by the tree!" You couldn't help but be amused at the boy's memory as he didn't even seem like he was fully awake last night. But here he is, telling his dad that he just saw you kissing 'Santa Claus', which is not even at all surprising since Angelo does tell the both of you everything.

"Now I'm jelly that you got to see Santa Clause." Shawn leaned down to pout at Angelo, the little boy only patting his father's head in the most adorable way with a soft 'it's okay daddy you'll see him soon too' leaving his lips.

"And well, mommy is definitely going to be in big trouble with daddy." Shawn turned to you as he shot you a playful glare, sitting straight up with his arms crossed over his chest to seem mad, although that smug smirk on his lips was a clear indication that his words do have an underlying meaning in them. He even threw in a wink as if you didn't get it the first time. You felt your cheeks heat up, your legs unconsciously pressing together as you broke eye contact with your man.

"Didn't Santa leave you some presents Angelo?" You cleared your throat, quickly changing the subject and diverting the little boy's attention. You did not miss the chuckle from Shawn as he grinned wide, all proud at himself for still having that effect on you no matter what, a blessing and a curse in your part really.

"He did?" Angelo craned his neck to glance at the Christmas tree, his eyes twinkling even more once he saw the number of presents placed underneath it. "Can I open them now? Pretty please can I? I can't wait until Christmas." You couldn't suppress your giggle as Angelo tried his best to sport the cutest puppy eyes that he could. It was already hard to resists the boy anyway so him being all adorable was just the icing on the cake.

You turned to the boy's dad only to catch him looking at you already with an expression you couldn't quite pinpoint. You raised a brow at him to which Shawn only returned with a nervous smile, his sudden change in attitude only making your curiosity grow as to what's going on inside his head.

Shawn looked away first with a faint blush on his cheeks, leaning on the counter as he spared his son his full attention again. "You can open one right now after you finish your breakfast buddy."

Angelo lets out a victorious glee at that, face all bright with a smile to match as he munched his meal, and never has he ever finished his breakfast that quick in his entire existence.

*     *     *

"Go ahead and pick one with your name on it." Shawn chuckled as he ruffled Angelo's hair, the morning sun shining through the windows and illuminating the entire living room.

Shawn sat down beside you on the plush white couch, his arm slinging over your shoulder as he stared at you with a certain look on his face, an almost awestruck expression with a hint of nervousness.

"What's gotten into you?" You giggled, pushing the curl that landed on his forehead back, his smile sweet as a soft sigh came out of him. "Nothing, I just love you so much." The tone in Shawn's voice made you question if it really was nothing, because it truly does seem that there was something on his mind. Plus, being so close to his side, hand laying soft against his bare torso, you felt how his heartbeat picked up the pace all of a sudden.

Before you could even ask him about it some more though, Angelo's voice echoed throughout the whole space. "This one!"

You tore your eyes off of Shawn to see Angelo hurling a present towards the both of you, the little boy sporting an all-knowing smile as he so obviously picked the biggest one to open first. It was an oddly shaped present, the wrapping paper not going in one direction and is all crumpled, a very big sign that Shawn surely wrapped this with his own bare hands. You kind of already have a hunch on what it is, even if Shawn didn't tell you, the length of it was kind of a dead giveaway.

A hearty laugh was heard from Shawn as he shook his head at his son. "Of course you've got the big one, open it up bud and let's see what it is." Angelo tore up the paper with no mercy at all, grin all wide and growing even wider as his gift slowly took form in a shape of a mini guitar in a black case that was smooth and sleek.

"Woah! Santa gave me a guitar!" The little boy exclaimed, his enthusiasm rubbing off of you as you couldn't stop grinning yourself.

Shawn stood from his place to help Angelo open the case, the six-stringed instrument coming into view in all its polished wood glory just seconds later. You could make out the engraved initials A.M. on the corner of the mini guitar and Angelo was more than thrilled when his dad pointed it out.

"I'm going to be like you Daddy!" The look on Shawn's face was the most heartwarming thing that you've had the pleasure of seeing first hand, the pure joy and pride painting his face at the words of his son melting your heart over and over. Shawn could only pull Angelo in for a hug, lips pressing on top of his head, knowing that if he spoke, he'd get all teary-eyed.

"Anyway bud, Auntie Liyah and Grandma are coming over in a few minutes to take you to the mall so let's go get you bundled up." Your brows furrowed in confusion as Shawn spoke. The dad only gave you a quick glance, mouthing a quick 'tell you later' while Angelo shouted in glee, his little body springing up as he ran back to his room, Shawn on his tail with the guitar in hand.

Once they were gone and out of sight, as if on cue, the doorbell rang. You walked to the door to open it, Karen and Aaliyah greeting you with sweet smiles, the two of them all covered in sweaters and coats due to the winter weather.

"They'd be out in a second, Angelo's just gone to change." You said, opening the door wider for them to come inside. Aaliyah was the first to come inside, pulling you in for a warm hug, squeezing you tight before pulling away with an expression you couldn't quite understand. She was a bit emotional and you could only be curious as to why.

"You okay?" You asked, brows furrowed in concern to which Aaliyah only nodded with a giggle. "Never better."

Karen on the other hand was looking at you oddly, her eyes all glossed up as she reached to cup your face with both hands. "Shawn is so lucky to have you." She breathed out, a soft coo escaping your lips as you wrapped your arms around her.

"And I am so lucky to have your son too." You whispered, though more questions only piled itself up in your brain as this wasn't how you normally greet each other. Well, not this emotional at least.

"There's my favorite Mendes!" You and Karen turned to see Angelo jumping in Aaliyah's arms, the little boy all giggles and was now wrapped in his fluffy coat and jumper.

"What about me?" Shawn pouted as he emerged from the hallway, now wearing a white shirt instead of his bare chest from moments ago.

"Hello to you too brother." Aaliyah placed Angelo back on the ground to hug Shawn, the older brother giving her a kiss on the cheek with the loudest smack, making his sister groan as she pushes him away jokingly.

"Hi mum, I've missed you." Shawn approached his mum next with a bear hug. Karen pulled away and did the same thing by cupping Shawn's face, the curly-headed boy chuckling as he pulled his mother back in for a hug, whispering something in her ear that you didn't catch.

"We should get going before the mall gets even more packed." Aaliyah butted in, Angelo's tiny hands already in hers as the aunt gave her mum a knowing nod.

"Yeah we should. You two will just catch us later back at home yeah?"

"Yup. We'll drive down there later and spend the night. We haven't packed Angelo's stuff yet so we'll just bring it with us."

You may have been filthy rich now for the number of times you've grown so lost just by the last hour or so. Shawn didn't tell you any of this at all hence why you have completely no idea as to what this man's plan for today is. Hell, you didn't even know he had one as you only thought you'd spend all day in the house just relaxing and being cozy.

The next thing you knew you were already bidding goodbyes to the two women even if you've just said hello not even five minutes ago. Angelo small hand waving at you as they disappeared into the hallway, leaving you alone with a grinning man once you closed the door shut.

You walked over to him with a brow raised. "Why is everyone acting so weird all of a sudden?" Shawn only shrugged as he wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you to his body as his head dipped down to give you a chaste kiss. "Hmm, I don't know what you're talking about."

Shawn didn't give you a chance to let out any more questions as he keeps distracting you with his lips and his soft groans the more he deepens the kiss.

It was when he suddenly pulled away with that same nervous smile from earlier that you thought that he definitely was hiding something.

"I have an early gift for you too my love." He whispered, hot breath brushing against your lips and your heart beat only quickened from there. "Meet me in the music room." He added, letting go of you fully as you walked towards the music room with nothing but so many questions inside your head.

Shawn joined you just seconds later with a box in his hand, his jitters starting to show as he breathing started to get uneven just a little bit. He took your hand and beckoned you over to sit on the piano bench, you not missing how his hand was starting to get clammy.

His nervousness was starting to rub off on you as he handed you the box. Your eyes searching his for answer and he only gave you a shy smile. "Open it love."

You lifted the lid off to see two pieces of paper, pages torn from a notebook side by side inside a frame. You could make out his messy handwriting, so many words scribbled on it, some crossed out, others fully blackened. But what stood out from you the most was the clear tear stains, blotching up some of the ink and blurring some of the words, the state of the pieces of paper the first thing you focused on the you didn't bother and read it yet.

"It's a song I wrote for you." Shawn spoke, voice shaky as let's out a nervous chuckle. You tore your eyes away from the frame to look at him with a small pout on your lips.

Just then it made sense why the pages looked beaten and bruised, because it was the original piece he wrote the song on. He gave you the original draft, all his emotions poured into real, physical writing, the pieces of paper as a first hand witness as to what he went through while writing this song. He was showing you everything instead of just playing you the finished and produced product. In this way, he made it more special because it was all him, all the scribbles and tears, raw and untouched. No filters, no corrections, just pure him, flaws, imperfections and all.

It was tugging at your heart how sweet and thoughtful his gift was, just the sheer thought of him writing something for you was already making you emotional that the water works was just one tap away. "Did you cry writing this song?"

"I may or may not have shed a few tears. But it's all happy tears I promise." Shawn flashed you a reassuring smile, hand coming up to cup your cheek, thumb stroking your skin lovingly.

"Can I hear it?"

Shawn chuckled, hand leaving your face to lift the keylid up to reveal the black and white tiles. "Why'd you think we're sitting here on the piano honey?"

You watched him attentively when his fingers hovered over the keys, his hands shaking as spluttered. "Okay so uhm, I uh—"

"Bub what's wrong?"

"I'm just really nervous. I really hope you'll like it." Shawn confessed, a soft chuckle escaping his lips as he looks at you shyly. You scooted closer to him as you rested his gift on your lap, giving him a soft kiss on the cheek as you said, "I'm pretty sure I'll love it Shawn."

He took a deep breath as he nodded, closing his eyes momentarily before his fingers started to play. The beautiful melody echoed around the room as you only listened, his beautiful voice following suit right after, his words invading your ears and going straight to your heart.

(a/n - the tune of the songs is this right here the lyrics below are all mine by the way so yeah. i suggest listening to it while continue on reading aha)

Waking up next to you; bodies intertwined; Hearts beating as one, so glad to call you mine; One look in your eyes and I tend to fall more every time;

It may sound cheesy but honey, you make my heart race; I think it's time for me, to pick up the pace; You truly own my heart and I wouldn't want it any other way;

And now I've got a few things to say,

Oh I'm the luckiest man; to ever have live; To have you in my arms makes me feel all the love, bliss and pure happiness; You're the only one I'll make love to; only one that I'll kiss;

Early in the morning, and late at night; You're the most beautiful girl, all your heart and your mind;

You are the one I want to spend rest of my life; Now it's left with me asking; Will you do me the honor of being my wife?

You felt your world stop at his question, more tears blurring your vision as you stared at him in complete and utter surprise. "What?"

Shawn lets out a nervous chuckle, eyes also tearing up as he looks at you with nothing but pure admiration. His fingers brushed with yours as he reached over to hold the box for you. "Take the frame out of the box honey." He whispered ever so gently, your brain still slowly processing what's happening as it feels like you're having an outer body experience.

With trembling hands, you slowly held the edges of the frame, lifting it up and setting it aside to see his hand writing again, but bigger and bolder this time. Four words, fourteen letters just staring right at you, a shiny diamond ring sitting right below it to match.

"Will you marry me?" Shawn repeated the question that was written on the box, your tear-filled eyes snapping back to his face and then back to the ring, and then back up to meet his eyes again.

You only nodded at first as you were full on crying now, soft sobs escaping your lips as the words were unable to form due to the numerous emotions swimming inside you. You took one deep and shaky breath as you tried to pull yourself together to at least form a coherent sentence to answer his burning question. Smiling at your man, you softly said, "Yes Shawn, of course I'll marry you."

Shawn's whole body visibly relaxed as he lets out a sigh of relief, his trembling fingers grabbing the ring as his other hand took hold of yours. He pulled it up to his lips first, glossy eyes staring back at yours before finally slipping it on, the ring a perfect fit to match an equally beautiful and perfect moment.

You grabbed his face with both hands as you crashed your lips against his, both of you smiling with tears rolling down your cheeks as nothing but pure euphoria engulfed both of you. A kiss so tender and sweet yet so filled with love that could only make you feel complete, content, fulfilled.

Words can never do justice to how happy you feel right now. You just feel so overjoyed to be able to spend this Christmas surrounded by the people you love and the man of your dreams.

Or in another term, your fiancé.

-:-:-:-:- 

Like & Reblog if you enjoyed and lemme know what you think! x

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[missyoutoosweetcheeks]

Interview with a writer tag

Aka 'idk why I was tagged to do this YOLO' tag lmaooo

Aight. I was tagged by the very lovely, very cute @soldouthaz.

I am : confusion. Because, huh?? I'm a writer now. That's it. That's the post.

But thank you so much for tagging moi, Sarahhhhh <3 ⊂(´• ω •`⊂)

I think it's become apparent by now that this is the first I'm doing this lmao

This tag is so cool. I just read a bunch of other cool writers' answers and <3<3 Y'all are so COOL. Don't mind me :) Hehe. Here goes :

Name : Suha. My parents told me that it means star, but no. It comes from an Arabic word that means Forgotten One. A star in the Great Bear constellation is named Suha because its fooking forgotten help XDD

Fandom(s) : One Direction so far, but I'm a total weeb. I'm thinking about making a hybrid fic. Idk. Might expand later haha xx

Where I post : AO3 and Wattpad. As embarrassing as it may seem, I'm new to AO3. Love it better than that stupid orange platform tbh, but I have to admit I have a larger following on WP, and it's quite easier to interact with the readers on there. Meh.

Most popular one-shot : This trashy little thing (about just 1k I think lmao) I wrote called Heat. Everyone liked it better than the ones I actually put work into lmaooo (I cri). Okay but wbk our fandom's a hoe for abo fics so I get it. I get it bc same. Lol.

Most popular multichapter fic : The Blood Hounds :) It's filled with typos even if it says edited bc I'm blind, but it's my baby haha x It's got 161k reads on WP and 14k ish hits on AO3 so I'm pretty proud of it hehehe.

Fic I loved writing the most : The Blood Hounds, actually. I wrote it and posted chapter by chapter on WP so I made a lotta friends and the experience was awesome haha. Very different from AO3.

Fic I was nervous to post : Lovebugs. It's because I made a major writing style change to it, and now I'm procrastinating on ever giving it an update because nothing ever feels right, yknow? Ugh. #sadlifepremieres

How do I choose my titles ? It depends on what gave me the inspiration. Like, if it's a song name or a lyric, a specific word or theme, etc. So it's random lol.

Do I outline ? Somewhat. Like, the storyline will have a vague structure, the characters will have specific features or habits/behaviours, but the scenes that link the whole outline of the story depends on me writing at that moment lol.

Completed fics : 7 ! A chaptered disaster baby, and the others are smut one-shot practices yolo XD

WIP : 33. Don't even ask.

Coming soon : A bunch of things. Like. A bunch of things. I write new wips when I get writers block on another one and soso. So, when I figure out how to round them up, a few things will be coming out I suppose.

Prompts ? Not really ? I don't use them as much. But. The most recent one I'm working on, for the first time, is from a prompt hehe. Prompts are really nice to read, and I especially love seeing prompt posts that have a short story attached to it <3<3

Upcoming work I'm most excited about ? The weird Soulmates/Alien/Foreigner AU I'm working on hdbdbd lmaooo!! Idk how it's going to be received, but I'm having fun writing it. Playing with your writing style and usual genre is really nice.

Okay so. That was it. A word vomit as usual. Lmao. I'm pretty sure almost everyone's done this tag, but I tag : @ishiplarry78, @larryent, and @smittenwithlouis !!

My brain is currently fried because I studied till 3 am only for my dumb exams to get cancelled. So, if you've already done the tag/ don't wanna do the tag, ignore me please :))

This was fun to do, thank you for tagging me Sarahhhh <3<3 Heartss :)))

Have a great one!!

S♡