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alexander147797 · 2 months

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Ruin

Was the taste of ruin not enough? Do you still crave darkness? As if we’re striding into the ocean you follow your siren into the river, scared to go any further then waist deep. I drag you in deeper as if I’m dragging you to the depths, never to see the surface again. And though your veins crave ruin and heartbreak and the familiar taste of honey, you resist and realize I remind you so much of the ocean, so much to discover and yet I feel like home. The burning in your veins passes and like a holy scripture written to absolve me of your sins, something sweet and succulent and entirely too pure for your own good. Oh what a plot twist I was. Having taken you by surprise yet somehow you always knew. Like the waves of the ocean feelings that left are feelings that come back. If given the chance I am willing to do whatever it takes to keep you looking at me like I hung the stars in the sky with my bare hands. Maybe, for you who’s so use to the dark of the night, that’s exactly what I did. Since you are the navigator of darkness if I asked for a show would you give me fireworks? Remind my soul what life, sparks, fire feel like again? Would you be so brave to take that chance? Fall in love with our illusion and expect to survive it. Our hearts and souls crashing into each other creating a disastrous beauty across that blank canvas we’ve had waiting for us all these years. And as we stand together in the river, the ocean of our emotions and memories, your hands touch my waist and you stare into those honey brown eyes you’ve so longed for. “Remember” slips from my lips.

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alexander147797 · 2 months

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Tragedy Dressed As Art

You say I’m the best you’ve ever had, but neither of us care to admit I’m the best you’ll never be able to keep. With us passion is boarding on madness and romanticism boarding on obsession. Take the specs of honey from my brown eyes, the warmth of my skin in the movement of my hips, and hold them closer when you pull me, for I do not know what it means to feel without you. To feel, to love, to touch, to be touched, without giving all of myself, is a foreign concept I do not wish to take part in. And the truth to take from it all, is I am as full of destruction as I am affection. You crave the sensation of me being on top of you yet you do not wish to understand me. Do not be fooled by the kindness of my eyes or the softness of my skin, I’m a multidimensional tragedy dressed as art.

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alexander147797 · 2 months

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Conflicted Contridiction

If you’re going to say, I have anxiety, make sure you put “separation” in front of it because I cannot survive alone with my heart on my sleeve. I read I read somewhere “abandonment trauma will lead you to sabotage your relationships as a way to affirm your fears.” And if I’m being honest, I think I like the pain, I like it because I believe I deserve it. I think attention is love. So maybe that’s why I suffer so deeply, because as soon as I pour my heart out to someone, I cannot live without them. I am not afraid of new love, I am afraid of old pain. I want to be happy, but I think of things that make me sad. I’m lazy yet ambitious. I don’t like myself, but I love myself. I don’t want to care, but I do. I crave attention, but I reject it when it’s projected on me. I am a conflicted contradiction, I am my own ending.

#alexander147797 #poetry #spilled ink #writings #my thoughts #spilled on the page #edgar allan poe #love thoughts #depression and pain #write it #pour it out #let it out #let it go #abandoment issues #separation anxiety #the truth #my truth #understand me

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alexander147797 · 2 months

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Can you risk a hello and not say good bye?

#alexander147797 #poetry #spilled ink #can you #risk it #take the chance #risk it all #be brave #do it #for her #for him #say hello not good bye #say hello

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alexander147797 · 2 months

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Blue Chair

Do you remember the summer I sat in the blue chair pulling my sleeves down? You lit a cigarette and I saw your eyes flicker in the heat, when your pupils were pins, they were most beautiful to me. It goes like this, looking at me, makes you feel a lot kind of things, hot to cold, brave to scared, but also fills you with doubt. It scares you. Looking at me scares you. So you think it must be my face, how my eyes light up, or the way my nose crinkles, the hot chocolate taste that lingers on my lips. It must be my determination and at first you can’t sneak enough glances but later even the simplest things send your heart racing. You don’t know who you are when you’re around me. You’re impulsive, like a wildfire, but you know you’re bound to get burned. I leave you feeling weak. And you heart clenches in your chest. You see me wearing your duvet as a cape with my head poking out, and suddenly that blue chair is the key to it all.

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alexander147797 · 2 months

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Sunk Ships & Pomegranates

As the sky rippled into shades of sun burnt tangerine and Georgia peach pink I stared into her copper coffee eyes. Never just looking at her but looking at the sunk ship wrecks within her pupils. Knowing that my chaotic ocean eyes have been the sole reason that have drown some of those ships. Though when the sun hits them they’re suddenly brilliant and clear, like perfectly worn sea glass.

The longer I stare into them the faster the sun seems to set, once wrapping us in a blanket of warmth is now a cool sensation that sends goosebumps down my neck to my arms. Her once life filled eyes are now so dark they’ve become inky, almost-black, full of the depths of the ocean no man has dared to see alive. I want to dive into them, drown myself in there waters.

She shivers and brings her hands to her arms as if to wrap herself in them to stay warm and before I realize what I’m doing I reach for her and hold her against me. I nuzzle my nose into her and she smells like pomegranate and smoke. It overflows my senses and as I try to collect myself I feel her relax against me. She makes a sound of satisfaction and I take a breath in, inhaling her scent as if it’s the last breath I take. I didn’t expect to become an addict, but here we are.

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alexander147797 · 3 months

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Love a fire

#Canadian girl #outdoors #fire #winter #aussie shepherd #boarder collie #wood fire #alexander147797 #explore #exploremore

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