#ah the Autistic Walk! :3 i used to do it all the time and had to actively force myself *not* to do it in public cos ppl thought it was weird

[shinobusupremecy]

Hi :3

Saw you're requests were open and that you added genshin to your thing, so I'm going against my better judgement rn.

(Oneshot) Yae Miko x gn autistic reader that takes everything at face value (like me), um angst because reader doesn't understand that miko is just teasing and they think she's actually annoyed 💀 anyways, obviously angst, but they talk it through with each other and she maybe realises her teasing isn't always a good idea.

Idk, I find the idea of miko being like "Oh shit, I fucked up" funny.

Yae Miko x gn!Reader

A/n: Now that you say it that reaction from Yae Miko would be hilarious! Thank you for requesting, you have the honour of being the first to request genshin and the first to request the one and only Yae Miko no less!

You can interpret this as platonic or romantic. It is a bit hard to tell in this fic I apologize😅

Word count: 1621

People in Inazuma city parted ways like the sea of moses from the way you ran, half putting on your shrine maiden clothes. You apologized when you nearly ran into people.

You had finally reached the foot of the mountain and you began running through the thousand red gates. The sun shined mercilessly down on you and you felt yourself beginning to sweat. You wanted to rest and just walk up but you were about to be late.

Running as you went you saw the floating rocks with the electrogana on it. If only you had an electro vision things would have been easier. Looking up the mountain again you saw you had a long way to go.

’Ahhh, all this hassle because I overslept!’ You internally cried.

After what felt like forever you finally reached the Narukami shrine. You went through the toji gate and bowed out of respect before going in.

The pink fox lady stood by the fox shaped sakura tree with her back turned. Her ear twitched and she let out a low hum.

”You know you really shouldn’t be late on your first day here. It is quite rude and makes for awful first impressions”

”I am sorry lady Yae Miko, you’re right. I shall do better!” You bowed to apologize. This was your first day working at the shrine as a shrine maiden. Yae Miko’s work quite frankly fascinated you so you wanted to work with her. Plus working with her meant some nice quality time for you two.

You saw two fingers snap right in front of you and you snapped out of your daydreaming.

“Honestly don’t go zoning out when I am about to give instructions. You really are out of it today”

“Yes yes, sorry about that”

”Ah well. The first thing to do is make sure the shrine is nice and tidy” Your eyes wandered around the shrine in search of something amiss before you heard an exasperated sigh.

”I meant look around the place. Go on, walk around” Yae sounded annoyed and with that you looked away a little ashamed before doing so.

You did find that some of the floorboards were dusty and since foxes roamed around there were a few things…littered.

”One must make sure the shrine is all nice and tidy before the people come. No one wants to pray with the smell of animal feces around do they or get their socks all dusty and slip” You nodded and then stood there…not knowing where the cleaning supplies are.

“Well? Get a move on” You jumped a little and turned to her.

“I don’t know where the cleaning supplies are”

Yae sighed again before smiling.

“If you used your two eyes your mother graced you with you would see it says ‘cleaning supplies’ over there” Yae pointed. Your cheeks grew a bit more red out of embarrassment.

‘This is so embarrassing? Does she treat every shrine maiden this way?’ You glanced at Yae who still looked at you. ’Is she annoyed with me?’

Taking the cleaning supplies you began to sweep the floorboards and clean up from the foxes.

”See? That wasn’t so hard? Only took you 10 minutes to understand everything and do what I say”

”That long!?” You yelled out in shock. No way it has already gone 10 minutes

”Yes that long. Is something wrong with you today? You’re usually not this slow” All these jabs you were getting started to really get on your nerves.

’Maybe she really is annoyed with me’ Your heart began sinking.

”It’s my first day working Yae, you know that” You countered earning a sigh from Yae.

”Mhmm I know but still, things like understanding a simple instruction like cleaning shouldn’t take that long” You nodded at her words.

“Hmf” Yae finished off and your heart began to sank a bit further.

‘What's up with her today? All of these remarks is starting to hurt' You thought before shaking your head. 'It will be better next time’

-

Next time came, again and again. No really big improvement on either part. You accidentally messed up a ritual and said the wrong words.

“...Walk forth and purify which is im-impure?” You said the wrong word and the stutter messed the whole ritual up leading to a annoyed sigh from Yae.

“We have gone over it a thousand times and you still don’t remember? The word is 'come' forth” You felt like she was jabbing at your heart or her words did.

Jab there, jab here.

“That’s not a way to sweep the floorboards, if anything you are just spreading the dust around” One jab.

“Why is your back so bent, posture straight or you’ll look like the shrimp I ate for lunch” Another jab.

You began fearing that you were more of a burden tothe shrine than helping. All these jabs from Yae Miko can’t be a mistake, she must be really annoyed. Not to mention she doesn’t do that with any other of the shrine maidens.

‘Fine! If she thinks I am a burden to the shrine then I won’t be coming’ Hurt, you came to that conclusion and stayed home.

-

Yae was waiting for you at the shrine. She tapped her foot on the floorboard impatiently before clicking her tongue.

’They must be late or something’ She concluded and went on her roundly checkup to see that everything on the shrine looks alright.

She had waited a while and you still haven't come, much to Yae’s annoyance. If you are sick just tell her. She looked down on the steep mountain however. Okay maybe not.

Eitherway you will probably come tomorrow.

Tomorrow came and you didn’t show up. Yae assumed you were sick and went on about her day.

When a week had gone by Yae didn’t really suspect anything. You could be sick, and from what she has learned humans can be sick for a week sometimes so that is what she assumed happened to you.

However when you didn’t come after that week she became really suspicious.

‘They had better not quit before telling me’ She thought bitterly. Enough was enough she decided and strode down the mountain to get to your house.

-

You were sitting on the couch of your home wondering if you should try to go to work again. You really wanted to, the job was cool, you loved Yae but what’s the point when she just seems annoyed by every single thing that you did?

Before you could think of finding her she found you first and knocked on your door. You got up and opened it to a menacing smiling Yae and a shiver ran up your spine.

“Well you look fine and dainty as ever. Care to tell me why you have been skipping work?” Yae asked and you inwardly sighed.

“I’m sorry it’s uh, complicated”

“It is nothing that I, Lady Yae Miko, can't understand. I have lived for several of hundred years and encountered many humans, I practically know you humans down to the bone. Now tell me, why have you been skipping work?”

“It’s just…I do like working at the shrine…but” You started slowly and Yae Miko stood there waiting.

“But?”

“I just feel like you are annoyed with me…you say these things” One of Yae Miko’s eyebrow rose and she let out a low questioning hum.

“I wanna work but every little thing I do is wrong. You say it all the time, either my posture isn’t right, I sweep the broom wrong, I’m slow for not knowing where the cleaning supplies are even though it is my first day”

“You…” Yae Miko began but you interrupted her

"I get that if I'm doing something wrong you should tell but the way you say it is really hurtful and minor things like not knowing where the cleaning supplies are on my first day is really...you know?" You nervously vented out in hopes of understanding.

Before Yae made you work she made it very clear to always tell her if something is wrong or if there is something you don't like. Communication is key and she lives strongly by that.

Yae lets out a heavy sigh.

“I see, so that’s what this has been about” You looked up to see Yae who to your surprised look troubled.

“I did say those things yes but I was merely teasing, I didn’t think you would take my words to heart”

“Just a ‘just kidding’ would be fine” You replied a bit sourly.

Yae scratched her head, her brows furrowing as she looked like she really was thinking hard. This was a new side to her you never thought you would see.

”I see now. I am…sorry I didn’t make it clear I was merely teasing. The things I said were far from the truth, I don’t think any of those things. You are hardworking and I see that you try” You stood there taking in Yae’s words. You felt relieved and your heart beated a bit faster.

”I will stop my teasing if it makes you that upset but please come back to the shrine. The mornings without you on the shrine is a lonely one for me” You looked at Yae and giggled. Seeing this side of her was interesting and fun, you couldn’t help but giggle a little.

”Sure, I’d like that” you replied and closed the door behind you.

”Perfect. Come now, I have a lot of new novels I have read the past few days while you were gone that I need to tell you about and when we reach the shrine you will get tea, you have been more than deserving for that”

#🦋eli writes genshin #genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact x you #genshin impact x y/n #genshin #genshin fanfic #genshin x reader #genshin x you #genshin x y/n #yae miko #yae miko x reader #yae miko x you #yae miko x y/n

[dumpster-fire-deluxe]

Why Palpatine is autistic (headcanon)

Listen if I was diagnosed as autistic in 15 minutes without diagnostic assessment and by answering "eh, kind of" to 2/10 questions, then this man should be diagnosed ten times over

You can only disagree with me once you've read the whole thing <3

Part 1: DSM-5 official diagnostic criteria

Deficits in social-emotional reciprocity, ranging, for example, from abnormal social approach and failure of normal back-and-forth conversation; to reduced sharing of interests, emotions, or affect; to failure to initiate or respond to social interactions.

This criterium can include a lack of affective/emotional empathy. Also, when is Palpatine interested in the emotions of others beyond how it serves him?

Yes, he does seem socially adept. But this is something you can learn, literally. He's had a lot of training in how politicians act, how to convince people, etc. It's all an act. It's just a more severe form of masking.

And let's not forget: how much easier is social interaction when you can sense the other person's thoughts and feelings through the Force? No need to read their body language at all. You can feel what's going on and what they want to hear

Deficits in nonverbal communicative behaviors used for social interaction, ranging, for example, from poorly integrated verbal and nonverbal communication; to abnormalities in eye contact and body language or deficits in understanding and use of gestures; to a total lack of facial expressions and nonverbal communication.

Masking!! There are many moments with Palpatine where I'm like "ah, that there is very much a conscious expression, deliberately pulling those precise facial muscles, rather than something naturally happening". Same with a lot of moments of intonation.

Also, how often do you see him talk with his hands? When talking, his arms are usually rigidly at his side (or in T-Rex position).

Deficits in developing, maintaining, and understanding relationships, ranging, for example, from difficulties adjusting behavior to suit various social contexts; to difficulties in sharing imaginative play or in making friends; to absence of interest in peers.

This is specifically about equal peer relationships. Yes, Palpatine knows how to do official/business relations. You can learn that in political school or by copying others. There are rules & tactics & etiquette/protocols. But close, personal relationships?

You often see autistics in relationships with power differences, like master-apprentice/dom-sub relationships (in either role). That's a lot easier to navigate than equal peer relationships, which are a lot muddier.

Also, "absence of interest in peers". When have we seen him yearning for close personal relationships?

Stereotyped or repetitive motor movements, use of objects, or speech (e.g., simple motor stereotypes, lining up toys or flipping objects, echolalia, idiosyncratic phrases).

Palpatine does have some frequent finger tapping going on and he "worm walks" (swaying with either legs or upper body, unless focusing on walking straight and/or looking at the ground, like in the third image).

Insistence on sameness, inflexible adherence to routines, or ritualized patterns of verbal or nonverbal behavior (e.g., extreme distress at small changes, difficulties with transitions, rigid thinking patterns, greeting rituals, need to take same route or eat same food every day).

I don't think he has this one.

Highly restricted, fixated interests that are abnormal in intensity or focus (e.g., strong attachment to or preoccupation with unusual objects, excessively circumscribed or perseverative interests).

This is the big one. What neurotypical person would be able to spend every waking moment working on one singular interest (Sith Grand Plan/Dark Side), forsaking social relationships and such? Even passionate allistics wouldn't be so entirely consumed by one thing for years on end.

Palpatine also collects objects related to that interest (the Sith artifacts/artworks).

Once he's emperor he doesn't show himself much anymore but instead spends all day alone studying his special interest.

Hyper- or hyporeactivity to sensory input or unusual interest in sensory aspects of the environment (e.g. apparent indifference to pain/temperature, adverse response to specific sounds or textures, excessive smelling or touching of objects, visual fascination with lights or movement).

First of all, the depression robes from the original trilogy. That's all.

Second, I think in the Star Wars universe "sensory aspects of the environment" could apply to the Force too, in line with hyper-empathy & hypersensitivity. And guess who was born super sensitive to the Force?

Third, no neurotypical person has that kind of interior design. I'm talking about all the red. My guess is chronic under-stimulation, thus needing to be surrounded by a bright color.

Part 2: Miscellaneous/Non-diagnostic autistic traits

Gender non-conformity (always wears dresses and gives off such princess energy)

He often has T-Rex arms and when he doesn't, his arms are stiff by his side (stiff posture in general). When relaxed, the T-Rex comes out.

His father thought he was different from birth, something about Palpatine didn't appear "normal" to him

Autism & pattern recognition + seeing the inner mechanics of systems. This includes social/societal structures. Add in years of analyzing humans and their behavior/psychology. It makes it possible to see relations, predict actions, etc., either on an individual scale or a larger one.

In the same vein, good at analyzing (situations & people)

His father was said to be cruel and violent (in this house the Darth Plagueis novel is still canon, fight me). Autism + childhood trauma can turn quite intense, to put it mildly. In this case: no empathy + no attachment to other humans + learning to read people and situations very well to stay safe + tendency to rigid thinking/intense preoccupation + seeing everyone as an enemy + special interest that involves hurting others, combined with running into a Sith Lord during his formative years? Yeah, all the pieces are there.

Anyway, this headcanon is locked into my brain now and I simply can't unsee it anymore.

#autistic palpatine #sheev palpatine #autism #palpatine #darth sidious #sheevposting #chancellor palpatine #actually autistic #autistic #emperor palpatine #star wars

[bisexualmaedhros]

22, 32, 39 for the trans ask game?

haha hi rei

this is the ask game they're referring to btw! anyone can send in asks from it still if u specify that's what they're for ^_^

22. do your neurodivergencies and/or disabilities affect your gender?

hm tbh i don't know! i wouldn't be surprised if my anxiety or ocd affected how i realized i wasn't cis— for years, i agonized over wether i was "right" or not, and if being "wrong" would mean i'd hurt the trans community in some way. i know that worry is common among plenty of questioning people, but i later learned it can be exacerbated by ocd and similar disorders. it was to the point where thinking about my gender and trying to figure it out made me incredibly anxious and uncomfortable, sometimes even nauseous.

i hesitated to openly call myself trans up until i was almost 18, when a friend at the time invited me to join a t4t server he was in. you didn't have to be exclusively t4t, but you did have to be trans. that invitation, to me, was kind of like... a reassurance. this other trans person who very much was "trans enough" (bs concept that i applied only to myself, you know how it goes) was acknowledging me as also "trans enough". a lot of people in that server did a lot of fun gender stuff, which made me much more confident in my own sometimes contradictory identity.

i'm no longer in that server, but i did make a friend there in the lovely @/noellegoesmeow, and i'll always be grateful for what i learned there.

ah, i guess i got kind of off-topic... while, after years of research, i suspect i may be autistic, i hesitate to openly and publicly claim that label*. so while i do know autism can affect one's view of gender, i'm not sure if that can be said for me.

(i do think, though, that being nd also kept me from realizing i was dysphoric for a very long time. i've always had a horrible time making sense of and naming my emotions, so i didn't realize what i was feeling was that until i described it to my therapist, ended it with "but i'm not dysphoric", and she was like "ok but isn't that... dysphoria?")

*not against informed self dx, just full to the brim with self-doubt. reread answer to question 22 for example.

32. how do you see yourself identifying/presenting in 5 years?

honestly i don't know! as time's gone on, i've gotten more comfortable with my own ambiguity, and i find the word "nonbinary" is both sufficiently vague so as to accommodate that, but also succinct enough so that i'm not left reaching for a word or categorization. it's a nice fit with plenty of wiggle-room.

i've also lately gotten more comfortable again with terms like "sapphic" and "wlw", which for a while made me quite a bit dysphoric. as long as they're being used to refer to me by someone who understands i'm not fully "woman". i do owe a lot of my joy regarding my contradictions to gnc lesbians, especially those who id as nonbinary and/or use pronouns other than she/her. while i don't share all their same labels, i've found a lot of the ways they refer to themselves have been comfortable for me, too (like using both masculine and feminine terms for myself in the same sentence, eg. "she's a funny guy")

39. is your ideal partner also trans, or do you not have a preference?

i don't really have a preference, so long as they're not awkward about my gender. cis and trans people alike can become uncomfortable when presented with nonbinary identities in general, let alone one that seemingly contradicts itself in their eyes. i think i would be uncomfortable around someone who seemed like they were walking on eggshells trying to get it right. i used to think i'd only be fully comfortable and feel understood with a trans partner, but i don't want to cut myself off that way. there are cool cis people

(maybe it's just a coincidence that 2/3 of my romantic relationships so far have been with trans people. shoutout to @/rei-is-reblogging-stuff and @/oohbrother girls who are gayboys have more fun, i'm told)

#it wouldn't be a me answer if it weren't fuckoff long! #ask game #answered

[lonelier-version-of-you]

About to rewatch “Blind Spot” now, wherein Henrik is traumatised and needs therapy and it is actually handled WELL, so that should get my mind off S23E07. Also, this is another episode I practically know by heart, so I don’t have to worry too much about trying to focus on it. (Except the Fletch stuff. I can never focus on the Fletch stuff, it’s so boring. When I rewatch the episode by myself I usually skip it. I barely remember anything about his plotline in this ep but I can’t really be bothered to try.)

Edit 1: The “previously on” reminding us of when Henrik literally said he would rather be a surgeon than CEO.

Also, when they showed the clip of Fletch saying he “realised he’d been putting his job first and his family second”, my mom just said “How many times does he have to realise that, without ever actually acting on it? The audience realised it a long time ago, mate”.

Edit 2: I always forget this is technically a whole-episode flashback. Probably because that fact is only relevant to Fletch’s storyline.

Edit 3: Henrik!! Also, very autistic of Henrik that apparently as a med student he always showed up in theatre before the actual doctors.

Edit 4: Ah, yes. “Onwards and upwards”, the Cryptid Squad motto. Rox says it, Henrik has said it...

Edit 5: Dom: “You’re doing a Sacha.” Henrik: “What??”

He’s so autism and I love him.

Edit 6: Henrik’s little face when he realises Dom’s upset and he didn’t even notice because he was so busy with his own trauma :((

Edit 7: Nicky calling Sacha “Mr. Keller”. Cute.

Edit 8: Oh no, it’s Mikey!

Edit 9: Awww, the patient giving Sacha a scarf :)

Edit 10: John!!

Edit 11: “Holby has my heart, but I also need my freedom.” John, 90% of your problem is that Holby gave you too much freedom.

Edit 12: Dyspraxic patient! And he’s Henrik’s patient! I always love seeing Henrik interact with other disabled people, it’s really fascinating, because it’s very different to seeing, say, Dylan interact with other disabled people. Since Henrik doesn’t know he’s autistic, and he doesn’t seem to think of his mental illnesses as disabilities even though they absolutely are for him, it’s a totally different kind of dynamic and it’s interesting to me.

Also, Henrik’s OCD really kicking in here :( Him obsessively checking everything... it’s really well-done.

Edit 13: The Sacha and Nicky dynamic is so adorable.

Edit 14: The Fletch and Abi romance was so forced.

Edit 15: Love the Cryptid Squad all being walking disasters.

Also, Henrik stimming!!! And avoiding talking about his problems, as usual.

Edit 16: Shoutout to Roxanna’s outfit in this episode.

Edit 17: This episode has so much more Fletch in it than I remember.

Edit 18:

Sacha: “You done [a mattress stitch suture] before?”

Nicky: “Yeah, on Mr. Hanssen on my first day!”

Sacha, probably, who doesn’t know that Nicky and Meena found Henrik self-harming on their first day and had to suture his wound: ???

Edit 19: Not surprised Henrik would sympathise with a patient seen as “pretentious and annoying” tbh. He’s probably heard the same words used to describe himself before.

Edit 20: Interesting seeing Henrik sceptical of John’s trial when he quickly goes back to fully supporting it. Maybe he convinced himself that his scepticism was just another part of him overthinking.

Edit 21: John is “not surprised” Henrik’s still struggling, but doesn’t want to intervene because “I don’t think he’d appreciate us interfering.” Interesting.

Edit 22: I love Sacha in this little scene with him and Serena.

Edit 23: The way this patient shouts “I’m SHORT!” is relatable, as someone barely over 5 feet myself.

Also, the patient is insecure about his height because he doesn’t feel masculine enough. This is a surprise tool that will help genderqueer Henrik headcanoners later.

Edit 24: The argument scene between Henrik and Roxanna is SO good. Henrik just stopping mid-conversation to rearrange the stuff on the desk... gah. The handling of Henrik’s OCD in this episode truly is fantastic. It’s also like the only episode where we get any significant insight into what his intrusive thoughts are actually about.

Also, Roxanna telling Henrik she’d report him as unfit for work was cold but a good way to get him to come to his senses really.

Edit 25: LOVE LOVE LOVE this exchange.

Dom: I’d ask if you’d like to talk about it but we both know that you won’t. You’ll say that you’re fine, as always, and you’ll play the role of Mr. Hanssen - or who you think he should be: a buttoned-up automaton who would sooner do anything than admit to having feelings.

Henrik: Yes, well, that’s me, for better or worse. Usually, recently, worse.

Also, Dom saying to Henrik “I need you” :’)) I love them.

Edit 26: Mikey’s whole “precocious kid” thing is so annoying.

Edit 27: OMG IT’S THE HENRIK AND SACHA “YOU HATE YOURSELF TOO MUCH TO TRY TO HEAL” SCENE IN THE GARDEN

Edit 28: god Henrik’s little VOICE when he says “I have no interest in myself”, gah

Edit 29: Henrik talking about feeling the need to “atone” for what happened with Fredrik when it literally wasn’t his fault breaks me.

Love the way Sacha gently encourages him, though. Also, yeah, Sacha’s 100% right about “duty” being what gets Henrik out of bed in the morning.

Edit 30: AND THERE WE GO.

Patient: You’ve never spent any time wishing you were taller?

Henrik: Not taller, no. Someone else...

Remember, “taller” in this episode = “more masculine”. And Henrik’s response to the question is to say that he doesn’t want to be “taller”, but he wants to be someone else. Gender dysphoric Henrik, so true, so true. (Also parallels with Arthur saying he wishes he was someone else in S18E04.)

Also “try to be happy, if you can” “I will if you will” :’))

Edit 31: Henrik seeing a trauma counsellor!! Good for him, good for him.

Edit 32: AAAAAAH. “Seeking help is an act of self-love, I think, and that hasn’t been on my radar much of late.”

Edit 33: Henrik giving Roxanna his therapist’s phone number in case she wants to “check up on him”. In S19E63 Henrik says to John “anyone would think you were keeping an eye on me”. Today on bisexuality...

Edit 34: Nicky and Sacha. Awww! So cute.

Edit 35: Meena thinking John’s invited her on a trip and John letting her down. Oof.

Edit 36: OMG JOHNRIK FLIRTING

Edit 37: “I wish you every success”... the way they’re looking at each other... cuties!!

Edit 38: A big Albie’s party for Donna and her promotion! I miss these kinds of scenes.

Edit 39: Oh not Abi and Fletch. Cringe.

#gaskell rewatch liveblog #tw;self harm mention

[transsexualhamlet]

sherlock holmes reactions part 4 (?) ive lost count already but unsurprisingly ive grown even more attached to him

using this as the cover image because i made him a playlist. cause im awful

no legit this is gonna need a read more because it's SO LONG SHIHEWIESHEFSHIEWHF

Had three mental breakdowns this week and realized i do in fact kin sherlock motherfucking holmes. this does not bode well for anything in my life mentally I've diagnosed him with so many things

Oh boy lol you want the list I think hes autistic (undisputed honestly) plus also adhd but on top of that there's the manic depression and uhhh the bpd lmao I dont even think that's it those are just. the obvious ones

But yeah man's a fucking mess and a shit person but in the same way as me so 👍

Some highlights I thought were very funny:

watson: we are in fact going to be waltzing into a place where people are Shooting People you do not have your gun. this is a problem

sherlock: don't worry watson I have my trusty stick!

watson: visible pain

This clearly happens like every day or so with them

but yeah there were some really honestly sweet scenes with them at the apartment and why am i getting soft over the crusty man being gay

have you considered tho. have you considered them

have you considered sherlock, who usually only plays absolute garbage on his violin serenading watson to sleep when he was tired and in pain and watson being so fucking in love with the man and waxing poetic about falling asleep to his music and waking up to see him fallen asleep on the couch next to him and oh my god them

They're just really sweet together for such a completely dysfunctional couple so much of the time lol I just. Sherlock being like.

Sherlock half of the time: watson you're fucking stupid. no i won't take care of my personal needs stfu. watson get a goddamn life. watson shut up. watson no one cares about your goddamn opinion. no i need to disturb you in the middle of the night it's for science. hey watson mind if i manipulate mansplain malewife

Sherlock the other half of the time: HELLO SIR YOU ARE MY FAVORITE MAN TO EVER MAN HELLO MAY I SPEND THE REST OF MY DAYS WITH YOU HELLO I WILL DO ANYTHING FOR YOU WE ARE PERFECT MATCHES I LOVE YOU AND I NEED YOU YOURE SO MUCH BETTER THAN ME PLEASE MARRY ME

They're... they certainly are.

ALSO OH MY GOD.

THIS ONE TIME WHEN SHERLOCK WAS JUST PACING AROUND THE ROOM AT 3 AM GOING "IT DOESNT MAKE SENSE >:(((" AND HUDSON LIKE BARGED IN TO COMPLAIN AND THEN WATSON WAS LIKE DUDE YOU GOTTA STOP DOING THIS AND PROCEEDS TO SAY THE LINE "YOU ARE KNOCKING YOURSELF UP, OLD MAN"

BAHGHSFHGRHEWHEWHIFEW

BRB SOBBING

CALLING HIM AN OLD MAN???? KNOCKING HIMSELF UP?? I DONT KNOW WHATS FUNNIER

The main highlight of this part was I have now gotten to see him have a great time watching his homo homie get married

Its so fucking funny.......

I was prepared for a funny reaction by yuumori sherlock's face when he said it lol but. Damn i was really not prepared tbh

watson: I'm engaged!

sherlock: *pained groaning*

watson: do you... not like her?

sherlock: no she's fine she's great you'll be wonderful together bUT I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE ARE HETEROSEXUAL WATSON DO I HAVE TO MARRY MYSELF THEN WATSON? ARE YOU GOING TO MAKE ME MARRY MYSELF.

watson: yeah... yeah... fair, I feel really bad because you did this whole case and I got a girlfriend out of it and all you got was me leaving you alone fuck man im sorry what are you gonna do without me

sherlock, highly sarcastic: dont worry watson I've always got my handy cocaine! *pulls it out and gets high in front of watson just as he's about to leave*

watson: *in fucking agony*

sherlock: good for you!

I DONT EVEN- THIS SCENE KILLED ME MULTIPLE TIMES OVER WHAT

ITS SO GODDAMN NONCHELANT ABOUT IT SHERLOCK IS JUST LIKE YEAH I WILL IN FACT NOT BE MENTALLY HEALTHY IF YOU ARE NOT WITH ME 24/7 BUT WHATEVER YOU DO YOU /S

I'd like to apologize to watson on sherlock's behalf lmao. man is being a bit too codependent on main

The last thing about sign of four I do need to address is yeah, there's the Horrific Amounts Of Racism in that one and the whiplash hearing it is just ridiculous because they seem to be so knowledgeable in all other areas and fairly... politically correct, taking sherlock's original misogyny as a purposeful character flaw, but then they just mention someone indigenous once and suddenly its all parrotting racist propaganda and just... really awful shit. There's no way I'm gonna speak for the group that just got absolutely hate crimed here but anyone can tell the author just has no clue what he's fucking talking about and it's physically painful.

And I don't know, it's just so bad it seems out of character? Doyle's making these motherfuckers say shit that honestly, Sherlock would know better about. And especially Watson. Come on, you cannot tell me watson is mentally capable of being prejudiced against someone. Please do not make him that way.

I'm not sure how to handle it specifically, or what's the proper way I should handle something like that in a media I otherwise like. Is it ok to say Doyle was clearly a piece of shit on the matter and separate those characters from his bias or is that insensitive?

I don't know, I was Not a fan of it and I'm glad to see they've at least finally shut up about the guy

But anyway yeah, uhhhh onto the short stories because I'm trying to read those before I get to the final problem

Scandal in Bohemia was a fucking ride, first of all, before we even get to Sherlock's girlboss arc we have to discuss how gay the whole situation was and how Doyle's attempt at making them less gay failed spectacularly

Like he's all "ah yes I need to marry off watson and uhhh make sherlock ummmm interact with a woman so they dont look gay" but he does it SO BADLY that it makes them look EVEN GAYER

cause i mean, even the conversation they had about watson getting married back in sign of four was gay af, but how Doyle handled things afterward was in no way straighter.

Cause you know, the man kind of wrote himself into a corner with the fact of Watson narrating these stories. So Watson has to be around to witness them, and to witness Sherlock's own thought process rather privately, so he has to be around sherlock at night, a lot. But trying to come up with a reason for that happening just... it didn't occur to Doyle. He just went. Ah yes this makes sense. And it's Watson just like Sleeping Over At Sherlock's like every other goddamn day and every time his wife leaves town and having them basically still live that cute domestic home life but they have absolutely no excuses for doing it anymore. It's quite funny

Like it was gay already the way they interacted when they officially lived together but it was like, a necessity for them. Now it's not, Watson just comes over because he goddamn wants to, and it's hilarious to me.

LIKE IDK I THINK THEY KIND OF BROKE UP FOR A YEAR OR SO BC OF WATSON GETTING MARRIED AND THEY LIKE DONT HAVE CONTACT WITH ONE ANOTHER BUT ONE DAY WATSON JUST INEXPLICABLY HAS THE URGE TO COME VISIT SHERLOCK ON NO NOTICE AND THEN SUDDENLY THEY ARE TOGETHER NEAR 24/7 AGAIN LIKE BARELY ANYTHING CHANGED AHIEHOEWH

SIT DOWN AND TRY TO TELL ME THOSE ARE NOT HOMOSEXUALS

Watson walks in on no fucking notice after a full year and Sherlock is just. In the middle of some experiment obviously but hes like

Sherlock, carrying around unidenfiable chemical mixtures: W A T S O N you look good you look good! i see you've gained seven pounds!!

watson: uh. thanks??? Hey lol *awkwardly waves* Uh um Wanted to Uhm sEe you

Sherlock: ABOUT gODDAMN TIME AND YES WONDERFUL LOOK LOOK SIT DOWN I HAVE THINGS TO INFODUMP ABOUT

watson: :) ok :) *turns to camera* and we were back to the old days

sherlock: makes a deduction

watson: wowwwwwwwwwwww !! so true bestie !!

sherlock: !!!!!!!!! :))) !!!!! :))) uh fuck im supposed to be smooth Its Elementary Lol

watson: *turns to camera* when i stroke his ego like this and compliment him he blushes like a girl like i just complimented his dress so i do it more because he likes it. this is a homie trait

watson: well i should probably get going! my wife will notice that i am gone my dear buddy bro homie!

sherlock: NO DONT LEAVE IM LOST WITHOUT YOU (pretty much a direct quote lol) your. wife doesn't. get back home until monday. I know this because I am smart and definitely have not been stalking you.

watson: alright :)))))

AND THEN HE FUCKING SLEEPS OVER LMAO FUCKING HOMOS

So yeah they're right back where they were before pretty much and there's a case bc of course there is

And honestly I think this short story specifically was so insane mostly just because of how absolutely fast it all went. Yuumori kind of made me believe the original Irene Adler was more of an important character than she really is? And I think that's. Honestly so funny. Motherfucker shows up for ten pages, girlbosses her way around town, and changes sherlock's entire opinion of the female gender while still keeping him gay?

LIKE NO LOL SHES NOT IN ANY WAY A LOVE INTEREST AND WATSON GOES OUT OF HIS WAY TO SPECIFY THE FACT THAT IN NO WORLD WOULD THEY HAVE BEEN ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED BECAUSE. SHERLOCK. DIDN'T DATE WOMEN.

HE WAS JUST??? SO IMPRESSED AND SHELL SHOCKED BY HER EXISTENCE HE DECIDED IT WAS TIME FOR GIRLBOSS APPRECIATION DAY TODAY AND ALL DAYS HENCEFORTH???

AND THEY HAVE LIKE O N E INTERACTION?? God, the power this woman(?) has. Watson looks at her once like. damb shawty 😳 and she's like "no<3" and he's like FUCK

Like yeah it's pretty much just the king walking up like "help girl the whore is blackmailing me" and sherlock being like "ok lol this will be easy" and then it proceeded to not in fact be easy or even possible

sherlock like... posed as a dead body and tried to get her to give up the location of the photo but she out-acted him and skipped the town the next day after doing the 'good night mr. sherlock holmes' thing with sherlock completely tricked

and she just. sends a letter like "dear sherlock holmes. you're a fucking idiot and i think it's funny that you lost. nice job tho mad respect" and sherlock just SHORT CIRCUITS

the king comes back a bit later like "hey Dude where's my Photo" and sherlock's like oh yeah uhhhhhhhhhhh about that and the king is like HOW COULD IT POSSIBLY HAVE BEEN THAT GODDAMN HARD i would have dated someone more noble if she wasn't so pretty i swear im on a whole different level from her

and then. GIRLBOSSIFIED SHERLOCK HOLMES RESPONDS "from what I have seen of the lady, she seems indeed to be on a very different level from your majesty" ABSEHHESHEFHHFES ROASTED

and the dude just LEAVES

After that I read a few more of the short stories and well the highlights I got from that pretty much were these conversations

Watson: sherlock. honey. have you. eaten anything today

Sherlock: IT DIDNT OCCUR TO ME DEAR WATSON

Watson: ITS FIVE PM

and:

Sherlock: *having one of his Moment Moments at three in the goddamn mornig* GRRRR CRIME ISNT WHAT IT USED TO BE

Watson: MY DEAR SHERCOCK WHAT IS CRIME S U P P O S E D TO BE LIKE ACCORDING TO YOU

Sherlock: no one's original anymore fucking copycats

Watson: so you want the criminals to make things harder for you specifically.

Sherlock, exasperated: yes!

I love them your honor.

#rowan's hyperfixation essays #rowan screams into the void #rowan views moriarty #sherlock holmes

[self-shipyard]

"I Will (Pt. 3): The Arrival" - A Self-Ship Wedding Fic

SYNOPSIS: The third part of a four-part fic in which everyone gathers in the chapel and prepares for the big moment.

Word Count: 1813

CW: Pre-Wedding Fluff, Mild In-Character Swearing, Anxiety

Tag List: : @guthound, @danieladimitrescu, @puppyships, @ava-ships, @awesomedanganronpaconfessions, @sinners-call-me-baby, @reigenhusband, @that-autistic-team-skull-grunt, @noellojello, @somethingscarlet13, @spookymasonjar, @vanityloves, @valor-selfships

PART 1 - PART 2 - PART 3 - PART 4

The little church rested against the grassy Tuscania countryside. It was a rustic little building, made of old bricks and holding a wooden crucifix over the roof. Its staircase had a white satin stair runner over top and the sides were adorned with wildflowers and lit candles, despite the sun being high in the blue sky. There was even an arch of greenery which framed the church’s big wooden door.

It set the theme for a beautiful August wedding.

Lumaca could just barely see it from the car window and through her veil. The sight of it made her heart race. She might’ve even fainted, had not a hand reached over to touch her shoulder and to bring her back down.

Her eyes darted from the window to Sorbet.

“Are you okay?” Sorbet asked.

“Yeah, are you?” Gelato piped up from his place next to Sorbet, his hand reaching around to pat her lap. “You’re looking a little pale. Do you need anything?”

“I’m fine, thank you,” Lumaca softly replied. “It’s just my nerves...”

“Hey,” Formaggio said from the passenger’s seat. “If it makes you feel any better, just thought I’d let you know that I attended a bee wedding about a week ago.”

“Oh, is that so?” Gelato responded for her.

“Yup!” he continued. “It was nice to know that he found his honey.”

Formaggio and Gelato both laughed at the corny joke and Lumaca simply smiled, taking joy from their laughter. However, Prosciutto, who had been driving for the past fifteen minutes with a bouquet of white roses in his lap, couldn’t do likewise.

“Come on,” he muttered. “That was bad.”

“Hey now,” Formaggio defended himself. “Those two are digging it. Besides, when you got charms like mine, you don’t have to be that good with the words. It’s all about how you deliver it, you know?”

“Hey, look!” Gelato suddenly piped up with his finger pointed towards the window. “There’s Pesci. How long has the boy been waiting out there for?”

“I hope not for long,” Lumaca commented, a pang of guilt in her voice.

“Ah don’t worry about him, my dear.” Gelato patted her lap. “He’s always been so patient.”

After parking the car near the side of the chapel, where other vehicles sat in the afternoon sun, Prosciutto took hold of the bouquet and went to help Lumaca out of the car. Everyone else was quick to follow the pair, with Sorbet and Gelato close behind and Formaggio at the end of the little procession.

Pesci looked up from his seat on the stairs and his eyes lit up the minute he saw them approaching him. He jumped up and rushed to meet them, leaving his basket on the step. Lumaca would’ve met him halfway, if not for the fact that her arm was linked to Prosciutto’s. So instead, she reached her free hand out to grab hold of his.

“Lumaca!” he beamed, holding her hand in both of his. “I knew you’d be here on time! I was starting to get a little worried.”

“Pesci, you mammone,” Prosciutto grunted before Lumaca could say anything. “You shouldn’t have been worried. I wouldn’t have let her miss her own wedding day, would I?”

“Ah.” Pesci looked down. “Sorry, aniki.”

Lumaca watched as Pesci’s nerves dimmed his excitement. Feeling sorry for him, she shook his hands to grab his attention.

“It’s okay, Pesci!” she assured him. “I appreciate how much you care.”

He gave her a soft smile as some of the light returned to his face.

“Thank you Lumaca... You look really beautiful, by the way. You’re going to make everyone’s jaw drop.”

“You think so?” she blushed.

“I know so!” His grip on her hand went a little tighter. “Especially Ghiaccio’s jaw. Oh, he’s going to be so happy to see you!”

“Well, I hope he doesn’t mind seeing a couple extra pretty faces come down the aisle first,” Formaggio piped up with a grin, already walking ahead of the group to the chapel doors. “At any rate, we better go take our places, right Gelato?”

“Right behind you,” Gelato replied, practically skipping along behind him.

…

The chapel was as small on the inside as it was on the outside. It was lit by the afternoon sunlight pouring in through the windows, giving everything a gentle glow to it. Much like the staircase, the sides of the mahogany pews that faced the altar had also been decorated with wildflowers.

Attendees sitting in the pews consisted of a small crowd of people, including other members of their team and some friends of the bride. All of their voices resonated throughout the room, mingling softly with conversations from amongst themselves and even from the groomsmen.

The groom, however, was silent.

Ghiaccio had taken to thinking of Lumaca as a way to keep himself distracted from the nerves that drenched his forehead in sweat.

Memories flooded his head, giving his chest a warm, tingling feeling. He remembered everything, from the day they met and their first mission to their first date and their first kiss. The day they decided to move in together and those happy little moments between then and the evening he proposed.

That look in her eyes as she agreed to give him her hand in marriage… So sweet…

Thump!

Ghiaccio was startled out of his thoughts by the sound of the wooden doors opening. His head jolted up and his eyes went wide behind his glasses. The room fell silent and everyone turned their heads to look at the big wooden doors.

The bridesmen walked in.

Formaggio strolled down between the pews, a serious look clouding his eyes as he focused on the task at hand. Gelato followed behind, regarding everyone he passed with the same curiosity of a cat. They quietly took their places at the bride’s side of the altar, approximately in the same sort of placement the groomsmen had taken.

Ghiaccio’s hand went up to feel his heart rate. It went down, but not by much.

“Fuck…” he muttered to himself whilst pushing his glasses closer to his face

“Ghiaccio,” a voice whispered behind him.

He turned around to see Melone, who had just reached out with his free hand to give him a pat on the back. His other hand held a small pillow, upon which rested a small, silver ring with a sapphire embedded into it.

Lumaca’s ring.

“Remember, we’re here to make sure everything’s alright,” he continued. “Try to relax, okay?”

Ghiaccio gave a quiet hum in response before turning back to resume his thoughts. Only, he found it was getting harder to concentrate, as the thought of her walking in and down the aisle towards him clouded his mind.

That thought made him gently whimper to himself.

…

“You have what I need?” Sorbet asked, his eyes focusing on Pesci and his hands carefully adjusting Lumaca’s veil.

“Oh, of course! Hang on a second,” Pesci assured as he made his way back to the chapel’s staircase.

He took hold of his basket and gently fished his hands through the rose petals. As soon as he felt the two items that Sorbet needed graze his fingertips, his face lit up. Carefully, he pulled out a small pillow and an even smaller sack from the pile of petals.

“You didn’t have anything else to carry those things in?” Prosciutto inquired as he made adjustments to the bride’s bouquet in his hands.

Pesci met his furrowed look with a sheepish grin.

He stood straight up and walked back to the three remaining members of the bride team, bringing the pillow and the sack with him.

“Not really, no,” he gulped. “I uhm… Had to make do with what I had.”

Sorbet held out his hand and Pesci placed the pillow overtop before prying open the sack with his fingers. Within a few seconds, he had a silver ring with a small ruby embedded into it placed on top of the pillow.

Ghiaccio’s ring.

“Hmm,” Prosciutto sighed. “I suppose you didn’t have much of a choice then. I’m proud of you for making do with that you had… All I ask is that you be careful of the petals next time. We don’t need them to be crushed.”

“Okay, aniki; I’ll remember that!” Pesci smiled, too polite to tell him that Melone had already said something similar.

“Thank you so much, Pesci,” Lumaca muttered happily, the sight of the piece of silver and the thought of it on her husband-to-be’s left hand making her giddy. “In fact, thank you guys for your help.”

“We appreciate the thought,” Sorbet told her. “But don’t thank us just yet. Save it for the reception.”

Just then, the pastor poked his head out from between the doors and called for Sorbet to come inside. After giving him a nod and watching him slip back inside, he strutted towards the big wooden doors with the pillow balanced in his palm. He glanced towards Lumaca and gave her a nod that she gladly returned. With that, he pushed the doors open with his free hand and made his way inside.

As soon as the doors closed with a low thump!, Pesci looked towards Prosciutto.

“Aniki,” he asked. “Am I supposed to follow behind him with the flower petals right now?”

“Give him a couple of minutes first,” Prosciutto instructed him. “You’re going to be ahead of us by about a minute so you can scatter the petals around, then you’ll take your place on the groom’s side of the altar.”

“Okay, I can do that…” Pesci hummed as a thought crossed his mind. “You sure do know a lot about being a flower boy, huh?”

“I had to be one for our mother’s wedding,” Prosciutto admitted. “This was before you were born, of course, but I remember it well.”

“It must’ve been lovely,” Lumaca smiled warmly.

Prosciutto smiled back at her.

“It was,” he started to reminisce. “It had been the happiest I had seen her in a long time. A type of joy I can see all around you, in fact.”

She blushed quietly.

“Ah, it’s… It’s that noticeable?”

“It is.” Prosciutto agreed. “And it’s a good sign. It means that this is the start of a long, happy marriage.”

She bit her lip, trying her best not to start sobbing right then and there.

“Thank you…”

The brothers wrapped their arms around her in a group hug. She immediately had her arms around them as well.

“You two will go far,” Prosciutto whispered. “I know you will.”

After spending a long, quiet moment in the embrace, the trio pulled themselves away from each other and Pesci made his way towards the chapel stairs.

He took hold of the handle of his basket.

“I’ll see you both soon!” Pesci beamed at the pair before disappearing behind the doors.

(to be continued at 2:00 PM EST)

#❄soft snow (lumaghia)❄ #❄soft snow wedding❄ #self ship #self shipping #self shipping content #self shipping community #self ship wedding #⛵sal's writing #sorlaca (friend tag) #lumapros (familial tag) #formaca (friend tag) #pesluma (friend tag)

[notquiteaghost]

there isn't enough nonbinary jon sims content, here is... well i started writing this as headcanons but this is really a not!fic about nonbinary jon sims. it’s 3′300 words

it contains: nonbinary trans masc autistic jon, jongeorgie, lesbian georgie, trans guy martin & tim, trans woman sasha, team archives trans solidarity, and not-insignificant amount of internalised transphobia and references to misgendering & general cis people bullshit

(also ftr i am heavily basing jon's experiences here as a nonbinary autistic person on my own experiences as a nonbinary autistic person) (this is like 80% projection) (what else is fandom for!)

also on AO3 if you prefer your 3k of bullet points to have better spacing

tiny baby [jon] who knows she isn't very good at being a girl but doesn't have the words to articulate why

her grandmother thinks kids clothes should be durable and practical so even tho jon is not a kid who climbs trees or plays football, her wardrobe is exclusively straight jeans & 'boys' t-shirts & large jumpers

she keeps her hair roughly shoulder length because that's the length it's always been but strangers still 'mistake' her for a boy a lot. this makes her feel a way she again hasn't got the words for

when she starts secondary school she continues to dress 'masc', never starts wearing makeup, never gets any interest in dating, generally fills out the checklist for everyone else assuming she's a lesbian

she knows she's definitely not a straight girl, so she shrugs and decides sure, she's a lesbian. it's a moot point, mostly, seeing as even if she did have any interest in dating she's the only gay person her age she knows

but she does get involved in some community support stuff – she spends a lot of time in the library as a teenager, and one of the librarians is a lesbian who takes jon under her wing a bit

coffee mornings and book clubs and things like that. sixteen year old jon and a dozen queer women all in their late twenties at the youngest. they joke a lot how often they forget jon isn't also a thirty-something

(this is that autism feel of having no interest in your peers but getting on great with adults)

and then she goes to uni, and then she meets georgie

georgie is a Very Out lesbian. she goes to clubs, she's heavily involved in the lgbt society, she has a rainbow flag hanging in her bedroom window. yknow.

jon likes her a lot, and still isn't really sure if it's romantic or not, but assumes that's more due to being gay than anything else

(no one has told jon about asexuality yet)

so when, one night when they're meant to be studying in georgie's room but instead are mostly drinking shit cheap wine and complaining about their professors, georgie looks at jon with this soft look on her face and asks to kiss her, jon says yes

and then they date

they're both living in one of those massive student houses with a thousand bedrooms crammed everywhere and only a kitchen for a communal space. georgie has lived there since coming back to finish first year, and jon moved in halfway through second year after a somewhat disastrous flatmate situation

so after they graduate, moving in together seems like the natural progression of things even tho they’ve only been dating for two months

jon is still, when asked, identifying as a lesbian and using she/her, but is also still dressing what other people now call butch. she always feels kind of weird about that term, but again, just chalks it up to the mess of complicated feelings being a gnc lesbian does genuinely involve

and then, finally, jon meets some actual trans people

jon has, circumstantially, known trans people. thanks to georgie, jon goes to a lot of lgbt soc things, and is passingly familiar with most of the lgbt people on their campus

but there’s a big difference between nodding at someone when you see them in the library and having an actual, proper conversation about gender

so, jon goes to a lot of social events because georgie does. without georgie, jon would probably not leave the house except to go to work and to the library (jon is not doing postgrad. jon’s library habits do not particularly reflect this)

mostly at these events, jon sits in the corner and reads, and only talks to other quiet antisocial people, while georgie circles back periodically to report on her social butterfly escapades

and at one, one of the other quiet antisocial people is a trans guy

he’s called harry, and he asks about the book jon is reading, and after they’ve been talking a while he says, “sorry, you probably get this a lot, but what pronouns do you use?”

jon just blinks at him and says “what”

“well, i’m trans, so i’m always really cautious about assuming,” harry says, easily, and this does not answer the question jon was asking

jon.exe has crashed

she(?) eventually says, “uh. she? i’ve never– she”

and harry, who has spent the last forty minutes discussing dante with jon and is already sure they’re going to be friends, says “want the trans 101? you’re making a face like you need it”

three hours later georgie finally reappears with the intent to actually interrupt (she’s drifted past periodically, but jon was always deep in conversation with harry, so she left them alone) and get going, and jon gets harry’s email address and is then very quiet as they walk arm-in-arm back to their house

just as they turn onto their street, jon says, “i, ah. i think i might be trans?”

georgie, who has for the past couple months been having something of a crisis after realising she definitely loves jon but she isn’t in love and she can’t figure out why, says “oh thank god”

jon, very bemused, “that wasn’t the reaction i was expecting”

“i think we should break up,” georgie replies, and jon stops walking. they’re four feet from their front door, but it’s late, no one’s about, so georgie decides sure, they can have this conversation in the street

“you– because i’m trans?”

“i love you, i really do,” georgie steps closer, takes jon’s hands in hers, “but i’m not in love with you. and it was driving me crazy trying to figure out why, but if you’re not a girl–”

“i can’t tell if i should be offended by this or not,” jon says, somewhat dazed, “i’ve been trans for an hour, georgie, i don’t know if this is transphobic yet”

georgie laughs, and presses a kiss to jon’s cheek, and says “it’s nearly midnight, we both have work tomorrow, let’s table this for later. we can look up names and what word i should use when i complain to other people how you always leave your shoes in the middle of the floor when we aren’t both on the verge of passing out”

and that sounds reasonable, so jon nods, and kisses georgie on the mouth, and then they go inside

the next day jon stops by the library on the way home from work and checks out almost every baby names book they have. georgie comes home and he’s sat at the kitchen table making a spreadsheet

“you don’t have to make it this complicated, you know,” she says, hooking her chin over his shoulder to read what he’s already got. the spreadsheet has a lot of columns.

“it’s my name,” he retorts, and she hums agreeably, then points to ‘jonathan’, which has relatively few ticks in any pro columns (god, this nerd), and says, “isn’t that your grandfather’s name?”

it is. he doesn’t talk about his grandfather a lot – doesn’t talk about his family a lot full stop, but she knows, even though he died when jon was still a toddler, the stories his grandmother told had a significant impact

“my parents didn’t name me after anyone,” jon says, quietly

georgie nods. she doesn’t say they’re not here now to offer an opinion, because that’s far harsher than jon deserves to hear, and it’s not like she ever needs to remind him of it either. he’s definitely already beating himself up for taking so long to come to this realisation there’s no one left around to tell him how they’d have reacted

“i think it suits you,” she says instead, and jon nods, and then she moves away to make a pot of tea and some pasta (it’s technically jon’s night to cook, but she was anticipating coming home to find him already hyperfocused beyond the point of no return)

a week later, jon looks up from the spreadsheet to where georgie is curled up on the sofa reading and says “ugh, fine, you win, you were right”

(georgie hadn’t pressed her point any further, jon is just like that)

“jon?” she asks, and he makes an exasperated noise and nods, then closes his laptop dramatically and stands. most of his spine pops when he stretches

“this calls for celebration” georgie says, also standing, “franco’s or monsoon?”

“franco’s. i’m going to eat a pizza the size of a car”

so then jon is actually going by jon, and using he/him, and isn’t dating georgie anymore but is still living with her and spending most of his time with her and factoring her into all his major decisions

he talks to harry, and other (binary) trans people, and reads a lot of blogs, and after a few months gets a referral to charing cross gic

by the time he starts at the magnus institute, he’s had top surgery and has been on T for years, and passes as cis completely, and he doesn’t know how to articulate it but this is. bothering him.

he’s not exactly… he likes being stealth, he doesn’t need to flaunt his personal life. he can understand the impulse, but he doesn’t share it. his feelings about gender and romance are no one’s business but his own

but. everyone assuming he was a girl itched – being miss simms, georgie’s girlfriend, she, it felt like wearing a coarse knitted jumper. it was exhausting

and, for a while, everyone assuming he was a man was a relief. it didn’t make his skin crawl, it didn’t make him want to scream, it was nice. it felt good.

it didn’t feel right. but it didn’t feel bad, either, and jon has never been gendered in a way that felt right. he thought that was just part of being trans

except. he moves to london, and he starts at the magnus institute, and he wears shirts and slacks, and the long skirts and patterned dresses some of his colleagues wear keep catching his eye the way men in three-piece suits used to, and that terrifies him

he was lucky, in a way, having no family left to care when he transitioned – if anyone reacted negatively, he could just cut them out of his life, and his social circle was already queer enough that was hardly necessary

but that doesn’t mean he escaped internalising a whole swathe of shit about what being trans should mean and how he should act and what he should want and if he wants to wear skirts then is he even a man? was he making it up all along after all?

naturally, he deals with this by ignoring it. he’s a man, men don’t wear skirts, he doesn’t wear skirts, that’s that.

he manages to keep that up until he’s made head archivist, and he’s given three assistants who are all also trans

(he doesn’t know if elias did it on purpose. elias knows he’s trans, of course, because he’s never bothered to get the name on his diploma changed, but the way elias reacted lead jon to assume elias may also be trans. and if that’s true, then selecting only trans people for the archives staff feels like a kindness more than anything)

and, the thing about them all being trans, is even if jon and martin are both rather fond of being stealth, and sasha and tim aren’t used to being out at work, and none of them are exactly friends, they’re the only people who ever come in the archives, so the archives very quickly becomes the Safe Trans Zone

they all vent a lot about cis people. sasha will walk in and the first words out her mouth will be “the next person to ask me if i’d had the surgery is getting their own surgery when i cut their tongues out”, and tim will make a commiserating noise and offer her the pack of donuts martin brought in

so when, on one of the rare afternoons when jon leaves his office to lean against tim’s desk and brainstorm organisational system ideas, martin walks back from the break room upstairs with a scowl and says, bitterly, as he sits back down, “oh so when cis guys wear nail polish it’s inspiring and breaking down gender roles but when i wear nail polish, jenny from HR gets to side eye me and ask if that means i changed my mind, because surely i’m the one who’ll do that and not all the men who didn’t have to do hours of therapy to establish they are definitely, one hundred percent for sure a guy!”

tim and sasha both make the standard commiseration noises, and sasha says something about the supervisor at her last job trying to say it wasn’t appropriate for her to wear trousers, and jon stops listening and runs away moves back to his office

he hadn’t noticed martin is wearing nail polish, is the thing. or, he had noticed it, but he hadn’t thought about it, and now he’s thinking about it. he’s thinking about it a lot

martin had– martin is a guy. martin is definitely a guy, if something of a feminine-leaning gay guy, the kind of feminine-leaning no one ever questions in cis guys, and it hadn’t occurred to jon to question martin, either, even though he’s trans, and. and.

he’s still circling round a revelation he can’t quite make himself have an hour or so later, when martin sticks his head round the door

“you, uh. you alright?” martin asks, incredibly tentatively. it says a lot, jon thinks, about how nice martin is, that he’s asking even though there’s a 90% chance jon will tell him to fuck off “you kind of disappeared abruptly, earlier. i didn’t upset you, did i?”

jon stares at him for a long moment, then says, “can i see your nail polish?”

“oh!” martin’s cheeks flush, just slightly, as he steps inside the office and lets the door shut behind him “uh, yeah, of course. it’s a little chipped, now, but, yeah”

martin’s nail polish is a light, pastel blue. it’s neat, and even, though his nails aren’t that long, and jon thinks he remembers martin saying something about mostly painting his nails to try and get himself to stop biting them. jon’s never really gone for nail polish, but it’s. nice.

“it’s, uh. it’s a good colour, on you,” he says awkwardly. martin flushes even more

“oh, um, thanks? did– are you alright?”

if jon was a different kind of person, this is where he’d open up to martin, and this would be the beginning of them becoming actual friends

jon is jon, though, so he just shoves all his emotions back in the box they escaped from, nods, and says “i didn’t sleep that well, is all. not really up to socialising”

(an aside about s1 jonmartin dynamic: jon is very good at shittalking martin when martin isn’t around, but in the face of martin’s genuine care and concern, he defaults back to a far more friendlier tone than he’s aiming for. he knows, on a level, that he and martin could be good friends if he ever got his shit together, but that is something else he’s currently repressing. he doesn’t need friends! he isn’t desperate for social contact at all! what’s loneliness!)

martin says “ah, okay, i’ll just– i’ll leave you alone, then”, and then jon makes himself focus on work, and then when he gets home he opens the group chat he’s still, thankfully, in with the trans people who got him through his first gender crisis and sends ‘help i don’t know if i’m a guy after all’

three people immediately send back a link to nonbinary.org

and that’s the rest of jon’s evening

he reads through every article. he reads several articles multiple times. he opens several new tabs, and gets a notepad to make a list of books, and eventually remembers to reply in the group chat

a week later, he bites the bullet and writes an email to georgie

nothing long, just, they still tell each other about big life events

and then, another couple weeks after that, when martin brings him tea, he says, “ah, martin, could i– do you have a moment?”

“of course,” martin says, and lets the door swing closed again, “what do you need?”

“i, ah. this isn’t very professional, so, you don’t– you are perfectly welcome to say no, of course, but i. um. would you– come clothes shopping with me?”

(ideally, jon would have asked georgie, but as much as he loves her (still), they haven’t talked properly in years, and she is cis. the best cis person he knows, but still a cis person. and he’d just, rather have a trans person, for emotional support, and no one in the group chat lives particularly nearby anymore) (or, well, some of them are, but when he asked they all told him to get over himself and ask one of his ‘lovely’ coworkers)

(why does he ask martin and not sasha?) (well, dear reader, he is nursing the beginnings of a crush) (not that he knows it. but that’s absolutely what’s happening here. martin is sweet and lovely and jon definitely finds him annoying and overbearing. yes. nothing else. no other emotions.) (his chest feels all weird when martin smiles because he doesn’t like him. that always happens around people he dislikes.)

“oh!” martin says, surprised. “uh, yes, of course, is– is there an event or something…?”

jon takes a moment to stare at the wall above martin’s head before he makes himself say, “i. am non-binary, and i need– different clothes.”

“oh, god, have we been–”

“no, no, this is a, a very recent development. he is still fine,” jon says, quickly, then pauses, then adds, more haltingly, “i think. i might, if – they, as well, maybe? just, to see”

“of course. d’you want me to tell tim and sasha?”

martin, jon thinks, is maybe not all that bad “yes, please”

“cool,” martin smiles, “i’m free this weekend? for shopping?”

“this saturday would be good, yes”

and then jon and martin go shopping! it’s probably not that successful of a shopping trip, because it takes jon like four shops before they admit what exactly it is they’re looking for, but they go to several charity shops and have fun trying to one-up each other with the most ridiculous/inexplicable item of clothing, and at the end of the day jon has three skirts (a knee-length black a-line skirt, a full-length black skirt, and a full-length black skirt patterned with red flowers), two necklaces, and a skater dress they probably can’t get away with wearing to work, but they really liked the way the skirt moved when they spun

other things that happen include lunch at a cafe where the staff definitely think they’re on a date and only martin notices and also martin is dying, both of them only managing to walk past a secondhand bookshop twice before they cave and go inside, and then emerge half an hour later both holding three books (two poetry anthologies and a sci fi novel; a psychology book and two history books), and martin somehow talking jon into trying on skinny jeans and then, again, leaving this mortal coil

jon doesn’t buy the skinny jeans, which is for the best really

the first time jon wears one of the skirts to work, sasha does a victory lap around the archives because “hell yes skirts are so much more comfortable, and now you swish! tim you should get a skirt. skirts for archives uniform”

and jon is still a prickly antisocial bastard but now he’s an outly nonbinary prickly antisocial bastard, and sometimes they walk into the archives at 2PM smelling of tobacco and holding a bottle of vodka, and then the archives staff all do shots and dramatic readings of the most ridiculous fake statements, because sometimes that’s how you cope with cis people, and that’s! valid!

#the magnus archives #jonathan sims #georgie barker #martin blackwood #jongeorgie #yelling at clouds #fic tag #draw jon sims in skirts. thank you.

[ol-razzle-dazazzle]

Rattus Rattus- Chapter 2: Rats With Wings

Here we are again! Thank you all to my fellow Fyogol shippers, it’s nice getting awesome comments, and I really appreciate it- even if I haven’t had much time to respond to things! I’ve been a bit stressed, but here’s the next chapter. 

The next one I’m going to be honest might take a while- as I have two exams in 3-4 days. It might take a week, it might take two. Probably just a week, since I’ve already written half of the other chapter- in which we will be introduced to Pushkin (and hopefully you’ll actually enjoy his character and not feel cheated)! After these initial chapters, things will start to pick up and become more interesting, so keep a watch out ;3c As for those wondering where Ivan will come into the story, he’ll come much later- after school and we will all suffer

Trigger warnings aren’t really needed for this chapter: just more catholic shenanigaggles, also Fyodor has misophonia (I personally hc him as autistic like myself)

Class went rather well, barring Fyodor accidentally picking up Myskin by the tail because he thought it was a pencil. There was a somewhat looming sense of dread, when the teacher glanced at him- and whether it was because he had heard about the rat fiasco or because he was a new student, the attention and requests to recite English was frustrating.

He hadn't even ended up going to his dormitory, let alone pack or unpack his stuff or look around the place (despite that being his own fault). Granted, Fyodor didn't bring too much- just a heap of books, school supplies, and food for Myskin that was disguised to his family as taking a strange craving for seeds and fruit. Irregardless, his family gave him some money that he could spoil through the weeks- and he hopes the nurse is nice and manipulable enough to get potential free lollies like he promised Nikolai.

The class bell rang again and Fyodor then decides to swear to memorise the timetable because he flinches every time the wretched alarm rings. He has no clue where the chapel is let alone how to get there, so he stands outside the classroom Nikolai entered. 

"Ah! Fedya!" Nikolai calls, waving. "Lovely of you to join me." He looks around, peering into Fyodor's bag. "And the magnificent Myskin." He pats the rat. 

As the two walk, Nikolai filled in as much information of the place as he knew. Curfew is at 9:30, but extends 15 minutes each year- older students also have privilege of leaving to explore the town more frequently, but for their current year, visits are once every three weeks. Saturdays are free days, with the addition of any services or clubs students wish to partake in- and Sundays have an 8AM chapel service, which continues for an hour, as well as one at 8PM.

"And dorms?" 

"I'm not sure…I think they're mixed with years, two to four to a room." Nikolai thinks, "Well, generally speaking- I won't be in mine very often."

"How come?"

"Well, thing is…" Nikolai scrunches his face. "I'm here on a 'scholarship' of sorts. So, I'd mainly reside in my own room because 'asceticism'."

"That sounds rather stupid." Fyodor replies.

"…It is." Nikolai shrugs. "But I need to maintain the church as well."

"But we're going there to do just that." Fyodor frowns. "I'm not sure how I am supposed to sleep surrounded by people."

Nikolai sighs, "Well, we have to manage anyway. I'm as disgruntled about this as you are."

"Stop dragging your feet, you two." The teacher folds her arms, "For now you'll be cleaning the balcony with the bell tower." She hands them a broom, spray, mop and dustpan. "As for the rat, you're lucky it must've scuttled into the forest- as it hasn't been sighted."

Fyodor heaves a sigh. 

"Also, while I do not have the time to oversee your detention, I will check the job is satisfactory in two hours." 

Fyodor glances to the side, hoping for an incredulous 'Two hours?!'- but found none. 

"Thank you." A smile instead.

However, the moment the doors closed and they clamoured up the stairs, a loud groan came from the other boy as he shut the door. "Two hours?! Seriously?"

A little late on schedule, but lovely nonetheless. 

"It'll take us an hour to clean the thing!" Nikolai sighs, leaning against the wall, staring around him. While the tower was somewhat shabby and didn't have much room- due to the enormous bell and sets of pulleys, it was a nice view outside.

"Just…please don't ring it." Fyodor winces, finally he is face to face with his arch-nemesis- the bell that had tormented him thrice. 

"Oh yeah- you don't like the noise." Nikolai peers over at the bell, "It's going to ring twice, automated- but there's a clock on the wall so I'll let you know…are you sensitive to loud noises all the time?"

Fyodor scrunches his face a little, not wanting to admit it. "…Maybe." 

"Ah- I was just wondering because I know I can get a little loud."

"No!" Fyodor's surprised at his sudden response, "No, it's fine. I like your voice."

"Well, first time I've ever heard that!" Nikolai laughs, and it's a laugh that's far more superior to any bell. "Alright, let's get this done so we can spend the spare time lazing around."

"Hm, okay…" Fyodor examines the copious heavy tools. "I'll coat the bell with the spray, and you can sweep."

"Sure- but I wanna clean the balcony, and you can mop and polish." 

"How come? The balcony would be the hardest part- she probably wants you to scrape the bird-"

"Eh, just a part of being a bird lover. I mean, you probably deal with it regarding Myskin."

"Myskin is very sophisticated and I am, in fact, training him to use a litter box or a disposable container." Fyodor frowns, "Also, I'm a bit worried he'll get nervous and jump from this height…" He zips open his bag, and inside it the mouse sleeps. "Well, either that or get awoken with the bells." He zips it back, "Poor thing has had enough trouble as it is."

Speaking of which…this would be a good chance to talk to Nikolai about…that.

"We'll sneak a snack for him and us when we go to nurse after this, your treat, right?" Nikolai smiles, getting the broom and dustpan, sweeping. "But after we get dismissed, come on now. Also don't talk while your head is inside the bell, back when I was in Ukraine I've hit my head wayyy too many times."

"Ukraine?" Fyodor raises an eyebrow. 

"Also check the ropes to see if they're frayed or not." Nikolai interjects quickly, "Geez- there's so much dust here."

"Why did you come-"

"Come on Fedya! Ring ring ring! Sweep sweep sweep, clean clean clean!" He hums for a little while in this manner, and Fyodor resigns with a sigh, getting the spray and cloths.

The iron was surprisingly both hard and easy to clean- easy when there weren't blemishes or bird excrement, but difficult otherwise. Fyodor was not exactly known for 'elbow grease', and often resulted in 'ngh's and 'hah's and all matter of exerted effort. 

"Is it really that hard?" Nikolai whistles, collecting the corners. 

"Oh shush- you got the easy job." Fyodor rolls his eyes, moving to the corner to clean around the rim. "I'm sorry I'm not as tough as most people- but my strength lies in mental fortitu- AH!" 

He fall backwards onto the floor, flinching at air and invisible strands. "…It seems that churches are also a haven for spiders." 

"What were you saying?" Nikolai grins, "Also, I haven't swept that part yet- move over here."

"Oh shush. Besides, I'm working harder than you are- you've been humming along and I've already cleaned that part.

"Not really, there's a whole layer in the middle and top that needs to be done- as well as the underside." Nikolai points out.

"I know that- I'm working my way up." Fyodor looks away, and continues cleaning the other side, brushing away the cobwebs. 

"Hmm…you don't need to be so defensive." Nikolai shrugs, "Besides, you'll have a growth spurt soon enough."

"Kolya, if you do not shut up I will make sure you drink this whole spray bottle." 

And of course, as if the thunder of God himself decided to add more effect, the bell rang loudly.

Said effect was Fyodor once again fell as he was startled, bringing his hands to his ears and dropping the bottle. 

"…I was right on the nose." Nikolai shudders for comedic effect, "You're scary, Fedyaaa."

He picks the bottle up and helps Fyodor. "…Thanks." At least he can clean the inside now.

"Just, please, don't fall now. I won't be able to catch you."

"You didn't catch me the first time." Fyodor murmurs, trying to make short work of the job- and by the time he was finished Nikolai had cleared the place of most dust and insects. 

"Okay, now for the top part- you're going to need a ladder. I can hold it for you-"

"Nah, you can do it." Fyodor hands the spray and cloth over. "I'll hold the ladder." 

"You aren't going to let me fall because I teased you a bit, are you?"

Fyodor just smiles, as he brings the ladder.

"…That's horrifying."

"It's fine right- you have the weird relocation thingy."

"…" Nikolai silently climbs up the bell tower, glancing to see if Fyodor was supporting it before he cleaned around it. 

"You know I will have to inevitably ask or pry it out of you." Fyodor helps him down. "As I respect you, you will have the choice." 

He's pretty serious when he needs to be, huh. "Well…okay- fine. We'll take a short break. It's fair enough." Nikolai takes off his blazer. 

"So…?" Fyodor sits up on the wall, tapping next to him for Nikolai to sit. 

"Well, okay- this is pretty weird but…some people have gifts. Like supernatural powers. I don't really know why, but one day- I was sleeping, and I must've put my hand in my other sleeve, because when I woke up- BAM!" He flutters his arms, "It's gone!" 

"Because I had pretty bad vision in this eye-" He pokes the blurred one, "I didn't really know what was going on- because it was my left hand. And then I hear my family scream like nothing else before and…" He puts his hand in his jacket, as it materialised in front of them, waving. "There it was in the kitchen, shaking and wriggling around. You should've seen the face on my mom when she saw it- she almost had a heart attack!" 

With that, he gets up. "And that's that."

"No it's not."

"If we waste too much time, we won't get to go bird-watching." Nikolai puts his finger to his lips. "It's only fitting such dramatic things are revealed on top of dramatic places."

"Must you be so extra?" Fyodor groans- just when he's getting somewhere. 

"I must." He grabs the scraper and gets started on the balcony. The noise irks Fyodor, but nonetheless he grabs the mop and starts cleaning any leftover grime.

The bell rings again, and amidst the scraping he almost curses (he does, but in a Catholic school no one needs to know that.) "Alright, done. Balcony time." He chucks the supplies away. "We have half an hour."

Nikolai sighs, "Someone's eager. Fine, but you better tell some juicy backstory too."

"There's nothing juicy about it. I don't have magical tele-location abilities."

"Wow, Fedya- way to isolate me." He perches on the edge. "If you fall here, I'll catch you. Probably."

Fyodor perches next to Nikolai, holding the wall a little for support. Nikolai sighs longingly, "It's beautiful, isn't it?"

Fyodor sneaks a glance at Nikolai, his eyes half lidded and a relaxed smile- no grandeur or theatrics. The way his messy ponytail flutters and his bangs getting even more messed up- it's a strange picture.

A beautiful one. Well, when Fyodor's hair isn't getting in the way.

"Yeah."

"You keep looking at me and the wall, trying not to look down." Nikolai stifles a laugh. "It's almost like a storybook, in the distance."

"…" Fyodor glances quickly for a moment, being encapsulated. A forest, lush and green. The clouds, surprisingly for Russian weather, not looming and gray. The town in the distance with colourful houses and stalls and buildings.

"It's what birds see. They can go anywhere they want- and they see the world like this- in constant motion and flight." 

"Yet they still return to the same places, still tied." 

"You think so?" Nikolai looks at Fyodor, "I find that even nicer. A being that can go anywhere in the world and yet still returns."

"Will you return to Ukraine?" 

"No- for that's no longer my home."

"It's where your family is."

"And will you return to your family?"

"…I don't have any particular attachment to them."

"Neither do I." Nikolai sighs, "They thought I was possessed or had some strange interference with 'things not of this mortal realm'. So they took me to the priest."

"Usually things like 'gifts' are blessings and curses." 

"For someone so quiet, you're rather perceptive, aren't you?” Nikolai glances at him, turning a little to see him with his better eye, “Yes, they are. And what happens when a human sees something they don't understand?"

"They purge it."

Nikolai exclaims, "My! That's morbid! Ah, so Fedya is a realist. Well, not quite- one can't exactly 'bless away' tele-location. But, I managed to find out that it's accessible via an outer garment. Maybe that's why magicians wear long sleeves." 

The words struck Fyodor as odd, 'bless away'- 'not quite'. But for now he pushed them out of his mind. 

"Nikolai? What if everyone has a special ability but they just never know it?" Fyodor hums in thought, "It could be something really stupid and bizarrely specific like being immune to bombs, but only when they're in a certain shape."

"Ahahaha! You come up with the most preposterous things, Fedya. But…I guess I probably wouldn't be the only one. Maybe it's like when you learn a word, and then you see it pop up everywhere… That would be interesting, to see what other people would have."

"Hm, I don't think people would use them very well- such things could spiral out of control."

"Well, that's mean."

"It certainly would give someone a predisposition to a strange fate."

"Fedya, did you really have nothing else better to do as a kid than flick through dictionaries?"

"You have your ability, I have mine." 

There's the laugh again, like bells. 

A sharp knock on the door interrupts them, as they open it. 

"Hmm…fine- it's a satisfactory job. Go on, then- and I expect the two of you to have learnt your lesson. Gogol, you can stay back for introduction into your room- and Dostoevesky, go to the nurse's office and then you will be taken to your dorm." 

Nikolai stretches, as they walk down the stairs. "Alright, see you soon- at dinner."

"You have an hour and a half- and I expect you two to be prompt."

And so Nikolai waves at Dostoevesky, and he manages to find the nurse's office- swiping some lemon drops- and gets given directions to his dorm.

The hallways are rather empty and wooden, everything echoes- and it makes him think of that saying 'the walls have ears, the doors have eyes'. Watchful eye of God, huh. He puts his ear to the door, and hears some chattering- thumps of pillows, and turns the door. 

#fyogol #fyodor #nikolai #gogol #bsd #my writing #rattus rattus

[subasekabang]

Ties We Bind (& Break), Chapter 3

Author: @composeregg Rating: T Word Count: 15435, Chapter total: 3415 Pairings/Characters: Joshua/Neku, Shiki/Eri, Joshua & Neku & Shiki & Beat & Rhyme & Eri in a queerplatonic poly-pile relationship. Hanekoma, Kariya. Warnings: Includes depression heavily, and mentions of suicide. Summary: One year after the Long Game, a tall boy named Yuuto Kimura, who has messy black hair, glasses, and bright green eyes, stumbles into Neku’s life, and he can’t help but let him get close, letting him join the circle of friends.

One year after the Long Game, Joshua aches to hang out with Neku again, but the restrictions he’s gained for his transgressions are very clear: Yoshiya Kiryu, Composer of Shibuya, is not to interact with Neku Sakuraba.

(But every rule has a loophole.)

Author’s Note: Each chapter is also being added to ao3! Here! (Small delay per chapter).

Featuring autistic/neurodivergent characters, the “Joshua is Neku’s Dead Best Friend” theory, and lots of headcanons abound.

“So not that you ain’t cool, man, but what’cha doin’ at this meet?” Beat asks, looking at Yuuto.

They’re gathered at Hachiko on a Saturday, like they’ve done twice a month since the Game. Without Eri, so they could hang out as former Game Players.

At least, Beat thought that’s what this was, but Yuuto is standing near. He’d tagged along with Neku to the meetup. None of the others are questioning it, and it makes Beat feel left out of the loop.

“Mm, and here I thought this was for people who’ve played the Game,” he says with a smile, and Beat freezes.

“Sorry, I told him I was meeting up with you guys and he invited himself along,” Neku says. “I told Shiki already, she was the first to show up last Sunday besides me, so we got to chat, but yeah. He apparently played a few years back.”

“It’s been a while since my Game week. I got to play under the previous Composer, in fact; there’s been a regime change since.” Neku frowns at that statement, a flicker across his face before it’s gone, but Beat catches it.

He also notices Rhyme’s reaction, or… lack of it. So he nudges them. “And how come you ain’t surprised by this?”

They shrug, hesitating. “I… I could feel it. My instincts said he’d been touched by the Game, and trusting your instincts is important.”

Ah.

Beat wraps an arm around them, giving a big squeeze. He knows they haven’t told the others yet, and he hasn’t either, but they don’t keep secrets from each other, and… Being a Noise for a bit did something to Rhyme. They get glimpses of the UG, see and feel the presence of Noise, and sometimes they talk about it. Noise running on basic emotions, how it’s heightened their instincts, and how they have to restrain those more now.

Being a Reaper means he didn’t get out unscathed either. The UG is greyscale, hazy, but there in his sights. Power pulses under his skin, buried deep in his core. It’s locked away, he can’t reach it, but if he could…

It’s not a risk he’s willing to take. Beat doesn’t want to be a Reaper, and he doesn’t need that power.

“So, where should we hang out today?” Shiki asks, steering the conversation back onto the tracks. “I’d offer the studio, but Eri said she wanted to get some work done, so she’s there right now.”

“Me and Rhyme’s parents is home, so our place is a no-can-do, sorry yo,” he says.

“And my place is too small to hold us all. Or at least, my mom thinks so, and she’s home.” Neku sighs.

Yuuto grins, and chimes in, “I don’t mean to be presumptuous, asking if you’d like to come to my place, but… Like I said before, rich parents and I live alone.”

“Cool wit’ me,” says Beat, and the others agree.

One quick walk later and, “You live here!?” Shiki gasps, holding a hand to her chest. “If you can afford a Pork City apartment, you must not’ve been joking about rich family!”

“Not just any apartment, the penthouse. The lap of luxury, all to myself!” He laughs, rolling his eyes. “It’s so boring and lonely being isolated there all the time.”

It’s an expensive place to rent, Beat knew that, but as they walk through the halls illuminated by chandeliers and past lounges and rooms of all sorts to the elevator, it starts to sink in just how extravagant this place is.

“It’s a bit much, I think,” Yuuto says, “but I’m not gonna argue where my parents put me. Just a heads up though, a lot of Reapers live here too. I think it’s part of being in the Game, they still need a place to stay, after all.”

With a flourish, he opens the door, and plops down on a recliner chair. Beat follows him in, as do the rest, and Yuuto instructs them to make themselves at home so they all get situated. Neku stakes a claim on the other empty chair, while Beat ends up on the couch, Rhyme in the middle, with Shiki on the other end.

“Sooo,” says Yuuto, “what do y’all do when you gather like this, Players only?”

“Talk, vent, throw stuff at each other, make bad jokes and memes,” Neku says, slipping his headphones down so they rest around his neck. “We should probably share Game stories first, since you’re new here.”

Yuuto nods. “Mm… Well, I played about two years ago. My partner was Uzuki Yashiro,” he says, continuing without noticing the way the rest of them tense, the way the background music jumps as the CD hits a scratch. “She’s a Reaper now, as far as I know. We did not get along well, but we survived.”

“She’s awful,” Shiki groans. “We all had to deal with her, and she’s a manipulative slimy asshole.”

“Sounds about right,” he says with a snort. The next words out of Yuuto’s mouth were softer: “My Fee was my friend’s memories of me. They managed to nitpick something I’d done, and I didn’t get it back. He remembers nothing.”

Neku winces, Shiki gasps, Rhyme closes their eyes and sighs, and Beat… He can only think of Rhyme, and how they never recognized him as their brother. Every little thing they should’ve been able to think of, from calling him bro to their jokes and the quiet nights they’d whisper to each other, not wanting to be alone. Losing that, forever?

It’d destroy him.

“I can’t imagine what it’d be like to forget someone so close to you forever,” Neku says. He’s sitting sideways on the chair, legs draped over one of the armrests and his head against the other. “I mean, the memories are just gone? How do you not realize you’re missing something? How do other people not notice, if they were so close to you?”

“I remember,” Rhyme sighs. “I remember what it was like to forget. It’s like, you know that person exists, know who they were to you, but all the little details were gone. Name, face, specific memories… dust in the wind.”

Beat wraps an arm around them, and they lean on him. Soft touches, a solid presence, reminders that they’re there for each other. That they haven’t left or forgotten.

Yuuto nods at the words, and dangles himself upside-down off the chair, hair skimming the wooden floor. “He doesn’t remember me. He knows he had a friend, but I haven’t tried to rekindle that bond… I miss him, but I lost it all when I lost my Fee.”

“Well hey, maybe you’ll get another chance someday!” Shiki says, cheer infused in her voice. “Not every end is final, and even if he doesn’t remember the details, I’m sure he’d love to have an old friend back.” She’s hops up on the back of the couch, feet hanging in front of the back cushion.

“The world begins with you and all that jazz, huh?” Yuuto snorts. “Your world gets bigger if you reach out to others. Maybe I’ll tell him, sometime. For now, I’ll wait and see what the future holds.”

Chat: [It’s not gay if we’re dead]

[Emo gay has added Yuuto Kimura to the chat]

Emo gay: Welcome to the dead kid’s club.

A lot of this chat is Shiki yelling about how cute Eri is.

An entire 50% of this chat is all of us being queer.

Fashion lesbian: Listen,

She’s beautiful and I’m gay as hell.

And she’s not in this chat so I’m allowed to scream.

Yuuto Kimura: Noted.

[Yuuto Kimura has changed their name to Music queer]

Music queer: I figured I should fit the theme.

Space battery: Nice name!

Music queer: Thanks I picked it out myself!

I must ask, though, why battery?

Space battery: I’m triple-A.

Skateboard ace: And they always got enough energy to charge up everyone else

Space battery: Beat,

You should take a look at yourself sometime, you’ve got enough energy to power the sun!

Emo gay: Another 20% of this chat is these two being adorable siblings so jot that down.

Music queer: What’s the last 30%?

Emo gay: 20% memes and dead jokes, 10% depression.

Music queer: You know what? Valid.

I think I’ll fit right in.

Rhyme likes Yuuto, they really do! It’s been a month since he’s joined the group, and he’s been nothing but fun. Maybe not the nicest, he likes to tease Neku, but he’s got good intentions, so they like him!

It’s just…

There’s something wrong about him.

Indescribably, horrifically wrong.

Noise do not draw near him. If one gets too close, they freeze and dart away. His mere presence wards them all, and Rhyme can sense it, the Noise are afraid.

Rhyme knows this, because they feel the same.

An instinctual terror, prickling at the hair on their arms, raising the alarm. They squash it down, tuck it away until it doesn’t bother them, but it’s there. Clawing at the back of their throat.

They’ve felt it before, in the presence of Neku’s 2nd week Game Partner. Joshua.

It’s fuzzy, grey-scaled and water-damaged, but they remember being a Noise, operating on instinct alone. They remember when they were returned to a human form, to life.

They remember the Composer.

So they message him.

Rhyme: Hey can we talk today? At WildKat, preferably.

Yuuto: Sure. May I ask why?

Rhyme: You can, but I’m not answering that here, only in person.

Which is how they find themself seated in a booth across from Yuuto after school that evening. Untouched coffee sits before both of them, steam curling up and away.

“So,” he draws, picking up his cup, “Are you going to answer my question now?”

They nod. “Your name is actually Joshua, and you’re the Composer.”

Coffee splashes over the table and over his lap as Yuuto flinches back and drops it. With a yelp, he jumps up, hissing, “Ow! Fuuuuck that’s hot!”

They watch as he hops around, grabbing at napkins to clean up. With a roll of their eyes, they say, “I’m right, aren’t I? You can use your powers if I am, no sense hiding them.”

He spares a glance at Rhyme, and then waves a hand to make the mess disappear.

“Well, I’m sure that answers your question,” he says, sliding back into his seat. “Do I get to know how you figured it out?”

“I remember,” they say. “Not… Not well, most of my time as Noise is static, but I remember what it’s like. During the second week of it all, I know Neku’s Partner set me on edge, and when the Composer brought me back, I remember that flighty feeling from then, too. You’ve got the same vibe.”

Yuuto rubs his forehead, taking a long, deep breath. “This was unexpected,” he mutters. “You want to know why I’m lying about my identity, I assume.”

Rhyme nods. “I also want to know if you plan on messing with Neku again,” they say. When Yuuto’s eyes widen, they cut in before he can speak. “He didn’t tell us what you did, but we can all see how he acts. You did something. You don’t have to tell me what you did, Neku isn’t ready for us to know, but I want to make sure you won’t do it again.”

“Fair enough,” he says, and then his color starts to bleed away.

The black seeps out of his hair, and it bounces into wavy curls. Green flashes to purple in his eyes, and his skin goes a few shades paler. Nothing about the structure of his face changes, but he takes off his glasses, and there’s Joshua, sitting in front of them.

“I’ll start simple. I promise I mean no harm to Neku.” At their snort, he frowns. “I mean that! I hold my past actions in great contempt. I wasn’t in a good space, mentally. Like, you met Neku early on during the Game, I was like that, but a hundred times worse.”

“Oh.”

He laughs. “Yeah, oh. I won’t say what I did, but it was bad, and he has every right to be mad. I didn’t expect him to want to see me, after everything.”

“He does though, so hiding behind a false face is a cowardly move.”

“My superiors would rather I not interact with him at all. This is my loophole,” he says, which, what?

It’s a puzzle, and they don’t have all the pieces, but with some work and head-tilting, they can still make out the picture. “You were told not to meet up with him, weren’t you?”

“Bingo, but they specified Yoshiya Kiryu, Composer of Shibuya, not Yuuto Kimura, ex-Game Player who lived in America these past two years.”

Rhyme crosses their arms over their chest, leaning back. “Clever. Going to fake this forever, then?”

“Nah, working on getting that rule repealed.”

“And what will you do when it is? Your reveal will be another betrayal, another way you stab him in the back, because he’ll think it’s been an elaborate joke.” It’s dramatic, but Neku would. At first.

Joshua snorts. “I know him better than you do. I know he’ll call me an asshole and think I’m messing with him, pulling his strings, but I have some stuff I can say, which might help.”

“What sort of stuff?”

“The truth.”

“Okay, so first things first, we need to get your measurements!” Shiki says, measuring tape in hand as Eri grabs the notepad and pen.

Yuuto laughs. “No time to waste?”

The studio is a mess, mannequins with half-finished projects hanging off them, fabric strewn across the floor, needles shoved into the armrest of the couch, spools of thread in corners and on shelves, and design papers scattered around the room.

It’s perfect. Creativity spawned from this disaster, beauty found in the calamity of a localized tornado. Shibuya’s life shines bright in spaces like this, her Soul strengthened, bursting with energy.

Were he not Yuuto right now, he’d love to soak up the Imagination and refine it, give them good luck for ages.

“Of course, of course! Why dilly-dally when we can get this ball rolling?” Eri laughs, pulling him out of the doorway and into the room proper. “Now let Shiki work her magic!”

He does, standing still as Shiki measures and calls out numbers. Eri dutifully writes them down, and he lets Shiki adjust his positioning as needed to get the most accurate results.

Once Shiki has the measurements, he plops down onto the couch, a grin on his face. There’s more than enough seating for the three of them. The entire gang had crashed here the day before. “So, this thing you’re gonna have me model, what is it?”

Eri flits around, grabbing her sketchpad and pencils, before sitting at her desk. “We’re going to start with something simple first. Maybe a basic suit, or a dress? You could rock either. How do you feel about pink? I feel like it’d suit you well. Or maybe a bright green, or something more forest-y. It’d go well with your eyes.”

“Ooh, pink is always fun, but you’re right, green would match my eyes. I absolutely love blues and purples too, by the way!” He leans back, pulling out a sheet of paper for himself, and a pencil. “Musical motifs are fun, since I’m a composer of music.”

Shiki’s head snaps up to look at him, but he gives no reaction back. Eri, meanwhile is going “Oooh,” and scrawling that down as a note.

“Music notes would be cool to work into some of the things we make you in the future! Little embroidered notes and designs! It’d be super cute!” she says, a grin lighting up her face.

Danger lurks in the room, Shiki refusing to take her eyes off him, but Eri remains oblivious. He gives Shiki a wink, after a moment, playing it off with a shrug. She huffs, and turns her attention back to the doodles Eri is scrawling.

“Mm, we could add some lacework, couldn’t we?” she asks.

Yuuto sighs, tapping his fingers against the fabric of the couch. “If you do add lace, could you keep it minimal or in places that won’t rub against my skin? The texture can be irritating as all hell.”

“Noted!” Eri scribbles that down in the margins as well. At this rate, they’re no doubt going to have a folder on his preferences and design ideas.

The thought of them keeping a record on him sends a spark of warmth through his heart. Watching them squabble over design ideas in the afternoon sunlight, filtering in through the window, makes the sight look like home.

The kid sitting in front of Koki is not one he knows. It’s not one he’s ever met or talked to before. He’d been enjoying his meal when this kid walked into Ramen Don and sat across from him.

Except that’s a lie.

Koki might not know this kid with short black hair and green eyes, but he knows those glasses, he knows that grin, and he knows the Music.

“What’s up, J?”

“Shhh, I’m Yuuto like this, remember?” He holds a finger to his lips, hiding his smile. “Can’t have you talking about my secret when the others could waltz right in and see me.”

Koki snorts. “And what will they say if they walk in on their good friend Yuuto having lunch with a Reaper?”

“They know I’ve always seen the UG, I’ll just tell them the truth. I’ve known you since before I ever played, and you’re just a weird uncle type dude.” Yuuto grins, and orders some Shio while they talk.

“Alright, you got me there. I pull off weird uncle well, don’t I?” he asks with a laugh.

“You do, you really do.”

Koki takes a bite of his own ramen, slurping it up. It’s been a while since he’s gotten food with the little brat, but it’s well worth it to make sure he’s eating. The kid always forgets to take care of himself, so if Koki has to step up the family-figure role in his life to ensure he does, so be it.

“So, how’s the whole friends thing goin’, anyway? It’s been a few months so far, right?”

Josh shrugs. “Yeah, it has. It’s going good. They’re all… really nice to me,” he says, fiddling with his hair. “Like, Rhyme, the one that got Erased, they figured out who I am, and they still accept me, though… They don’t know the whole story, but still!”

Ramen arrives, and so Josh has to speak between bites now, as Koki sits and listens to him ramble. “Neku checks up on me and makes sure I’m not left out. He keeps me from retreating into my shell. Shiki and Eri have already been working on making me clothes because they need more models,” he laughs. “Beat is trying to teach me how to skateboard, and I have to remember not to heal up my scrapes and bruises because that’d be suspicious.”

“You’re happy with them all, huh?” he asks. It’s obvious to him, the way Josh lights up, even in this false form. This is the most friends he’s ever had, and it shows in the hands he waves in the air, the glint of life in his eyes, how much this means to him.

“Yeah! I mean, I wish I could tell Neku,” the blinding smile dims at the statement, “but I can’t. This is the best alternative to that.”

“Hey, in a year or two? You’ll be able to tell him, so don’t sweat about that. I’m sure he’ll understand.” With the way his mom raised him, he’d better, Koki doesn’t say, but he thinks it. It had taken a bit of digging, and it’s such a trivial fact, one thread of being related, but it’s there.

He died before he could see his little sister have children, over a hundred years ago. Now, he’s found a distant descendant. He’s an uncle, with a few greats in front of the grand, but he’s an uncle to somebody alive.

The conversation continues, both of them unaware of the figure watching from outside the window. With a snap, Shiki takes a picture of Yuuto hanging out with a Reaper, eyes narrowing.

She’s got her suspicions. They’ve grown a bit stronger now.

#TWEWY #The World Ends With You #World Ends With You #Subarashiki Kono Sekai #TWEWY Bang 2018 #submission

[shadowofadalekmightdeactivate]

Still Human Chapter 4

Word count: 1366 Tag List: @tinkslittlebelle

Virgil’s eyes hurt. He groaned, forcing them open and blinking away the bleariness. How long he’d been asleep, he didn’t know. He barely remembered what happened- Oh. Yeah. Party tonight. And bad memories. And Roman.

Virgil rubbed his eyes, groaning again. Fucking Roman, having to witness his composure fall apart and betray him. He probably felt bad for him now. If there was a list of things Virgil hated, the topper was pity. Virgil smirked at the list idea. Maybe it’d be a good idea to make one. You know, just for fun. He reached over the side of the bed, his heart almost stopping when he was met with air. His bag-where was his bag?! Did…Roman take it? Virgil fell against the bed again, putting his arms over his eyes. Of course. This is how he’s rewarded for showing weakness. Roman steals his fucking bag. He pushed himself off the bed, flinching when his foot hit something. Peeking out from under his bed was a familiar black band. Oh no, he just stuffed it under the bed! Virgil felt a little lighter, knowing Roman didn’t betray his trust. The light feeling lasted until the spotted the pillow he was sleeping on and the one he was snuggling. Smeared with eyeshadow. Oh, great. Virgil’s face must be a mess, then. He grabbed his phone and flipped the camera to the front. Ugly smudged black lines ran down from his eyes, taking some foundation with it. Virgil growled and swiped at his face angrily, smearing more makeup all over his sleeve. So far he’s made an enemy, had his personal bubble disturbed and broken down in front of a stranger-all in one day! Great start, Virgil. He took off the rest of his makeup and checked the time. He’d already missed his English class and most of Science, so there was no point in going out again. A text caught his eye when he closed his phone’s camera. An unknown number, the text simply saying “I’m hoping this is Virgil. Roman tells me you skipped English for a personal reason. Please meet me at *address* at 6:30.” His English teacher used proper grammar in texts? Virgil shook his head with a chuckle. What a geek. It was 4:45 at the moment (Jesus, he’d been asleep for 3 hours!), so he had a little while until he had to see his English teacher. Virgil locked his dorm room door, put on his headphones, and blared music as he returned to drawing. He found himself smiling as he was finally left alone to doodle in peace. Thank god for door locks and loud music.

 Virgil had to will himself up the stairs of the light blue house where his English teacher apparently lived. He started having second thoughts as soon as the taxi he’d taken had pulled up, but if they were given work, he needed to stay caught up… He rang the doorbell, jolting when a bird squawked in response to it and a dog started barking. Jeez, it sounds like he set off world war 3 in there… “That’s enough, Watson, thank you,” a voice spoke over the dog. The door opened and Virgil was almost knocked over by a thin, pure white dog as it blew out the door. Virgil watched after the dog before turning to the man who answered the door. He instantly felt a little intimidated. The man was taller than him (though, admittedly, that’s not a hard feat) and was giving him a suspicious glare. Virgil gulped and forced his voice past his squeezing throat. “I’m…Virgil…” The glare went away instantly. His English professor fixed his tie against his black shirt. “Ah…Forgive me. Come inside.” Virgil cast another look at the white dog, then followed the professor inside. The bird he’d heard squawk came into view-an African grey parrot, and an impressive one at that. It rested on a free wooden perch with newspaper on the floor to catch whatever it dropped. Unsurprisingly, there were bird toys all over the house so the parrot could entertain itself. “Over here.” The professor motioned to the small living room. Virgil followed him in. The first thing he noticed was that the TV was on and playing kids shows. The second was the man sitting on the couch and watching them. The English professor walked over and tapped the man on the shoulder. “Patton, I have someone here. Just so I don’t startle you.” “Can I see them?” The other man-Patton-spoke suddenly. The professor nodded and Patton jumped up, catching sight of Virgil. Virgil stepped back slightly, offering a shy wave. Patton broke into a huge grin. “Hello! Oh Logi, he’s adorable-“ “Patton, remember what I said about calling people that out loud,” Virgil’s professor said, softly yet sternly. “You don’t know how he’ll feel about it.” Patton looked back. “Can I hug him?” “You’ll have to ask his permission,” the professor said at the same time Virgil said “I’d rather you didn’t.” Patton turned disheartened eyes to the professor, who sighed and pulled him into a hug. Virgil noticed the glint of something shiny on the two men’s hands. He smiled a little at the sight. Married…

The professor kissed the top of Patton’s head, getting a happy grin in response. “I have to work with Virgil here. Do you mind moving to the bedroom?” “Nope!” Patton bounced happily, pulling out of the professor’s arms and running down a hallway. The professor watched him go with a soft smile. He turned to Virgil again, who hid his own smile. “So. The work you missed. Let’s get you caught up.”

Virgil wound up missing the frat party, spending hours with his English professor-Logan Ester, he learned his name was. What started as a catching-up-with-work-and-fuck-off-again night turned into a -play-with-Watson-the-dog-and-Sherlock-the-parrot-while-learning-about-Autism-night. Seriously, Logan told him about Autism. Apparently Patton had it, as well as Roman. Logan instantly put to rest any thoughts Virgil had about Autistic people being stupid. They may not understand some things, they may miss a lot of social cues, and many may be prone to meltdowns, but they’re still humans with emotions. “I’ve had people give me dirty looks when Patton announces he’s my husband,” he told him at one time. “They think people with Autism don’t understand love and can’t consent to anything. They don’t seem to understand that they can feel love-Patton proposed to me, not the other way around.” Virgil went home with a bit of homework and a lot to think about. He recalled the jerkass way he’d treated Roman before and decided to make it up to him somehow. He returned to the dorm to a furious Lily. “What the fuck, V?!” She yelled. “You were supposed to come to the party tonight!” “I had better things to do,” Virgil mumbled, shoving past her in the doorway. “And don’t call me V.” “What could be more important than meeting new possible friends!?” Virgil turned back and glared at her. “Homework.” With that, he slammed the door to his dorm room.

His phone buzzed with a text later that night, as he was getting ready to sleep. It was from Lily. Go figure.

You: what Blond Bitch: V, I’m sorry Blond Bitch: I just realized how I sounded. I shouldn’t have pressured you into coming to the party Blond Bitch: I just don’t want you to be unpopular, you know? You: no Blond Bitch: think of it this way-the more friends you have, the less likely it is that John will go after you You: maybe i want to be upopular You: *unpopular Blond Bitch: V, please…At least show up to the next one? Blond Bitch: all my friends wanna meet you Blond Bitch: and maybe theres other people out there like you Blond Bitch: *there’s You: emos, you mean Blond Bitch: did I say emos? You: can i sleep please Blond Bitch: promise me that you’ll come to the next party. Blond Bitch: else I’ll keep spamming you Blond Bitch: V? Blond Bitch: V Blond Bitch: V Blond Bitch: Virgil You: fine Blond Bitch: Yay! Blond Bitch: okay, I’ll let you sleep now Blond Bitch: good night, V

#Still Human AU #Autism Headcanon #Sanders Sides #Redhead Writes

[animalcrossingtownlore]

Trial Captain Headcanons

ah. fuckin hell. i made this a few days ago but my dad walked in and said he needed to use my computer and i freaked the fuck out so i had to delete my history in 0000.1 seconds. um. not sure how seconds work.

llima:

- THIS boi is rich af. but sometimes he forces his parents to donate some of their money to some random charity at least every few weeks because he wants to have a good reputation. he is a trial captain, after all. 

- is kind of a clean freak, and hates germs. so whenever he comes into the classroom, and a bunch of tiny germy disgusting toddlers crowd around his legs trying to get his attention he cringes deeply. never says anything tho.

- in the anime, its canon that he has fangirls. that should be canon in every version of llima tbh. but!!! consider this!!!! a GAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY and PROUDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD llima!!!

- its canon that he’s been to kalos before, so i imagine that llima fucking LOVES kalos. like, he really REALLY loves kalos. he feels emotionally connected to that place. that’s the region he’s moving to when he gets older. no exceptions

- visits all of the different islands of alola to check in on everybody. he tries to be nice like that. llima is a good neighbor. but let me tell you---

- surprise surprise children. llima. he makes mistakes too. and whenever he does make a mistake he cringes again.

- honestly? i like to think that llima tries his best to act nice and shit, but really he’s hiding a more rude interior inside him. do u even know who llima is? hes a little sassy. but also a little TOO perfect. i think he’s hiding something tbh.

Lana:

- is super best friends with mallow. they live in konikoni city together, so they’ve been friends since they were toddlers. and i mean. best best friends! they have sleepovers literally almost every day.

- lana is the second shortest trial captain. she used to feel a little insecure about being short.... until she saw wittle babby sophocles.

- so in ultra pokemon sun/moon, there were wishiwashi... but instead a shitty araquanid came out of nowhere. what if lana had actually no idea that would even happen. it just happened randomly. and she went with it. wow. that’s lana for you!

- LET’S BE HONEST. LANA IS THE BIGGEST PIECE OF SHIT EVER. SHE IS THE MOST CLEVER AND CUNNING BITCH. LANA KNOWS ALL OF THE TRICKS/PRANKS. IF FACT, SHE HAS PRANKED ALL OF THE TRIAL CAPTAINS, THE KAHUNAS, AND RANDOM TOURISTS IN ALOLA. NOBODY KNOWS WHO THE PRANKSTER IS. THERE IS A FUCKING WANTED WARRANT FOR THE PRANKSTER. THIS GIRL IS WANTED AND SHE FUCKING LOVES IT---

-even so, lana is the best big sister. her little twin sisters, harper and sarah, love her. for good reason, too. she takes care of them all the time and takes them everywhere.

- so in the english anime she has a super soft and sweet voice. ummmmm.... no bitches. lana has a kinda deep/somewhat dead inside voice that’s somehow calming. punch me. i won’t stop talking about this.

- takes morning swims, evening swims, mid-afternoon swims, midnight swims, has days where she just swims and fishes and that’s all she does.

Kiawe:

- In the anime kiawe has a little sister. And he IS protective of her. He IS a good brother. Omg. imagine kiawe seeing his little sister play with one of his fire-type pokemon, and he’s low-key scared the pokemon will burn her to ashes. Poor bby

- prefers dancing over any exercise ever, that’s a fact! but!!!! Kiawe plays “just dance” and he gets a perfect score ever gotdamn time i swear he does and he gets the best workout from it.

- What if kiawe is somewhat scared of lana because of her awesome as shit water types. Oh no. he knows he could never win-

- Y’know the hiker bitch??? Yeah him and kiawe are good friends. I can see them hanging out together. Like what if hiker bitch is lonely and kiawe is lonely too. So they are best friends. (but guys, you notice how lana and mallow live in one city? But kiawe is just in paniola town alone? There’s probs not many people in paniola town tbh)

- Kiawe is a dork and uses thousands of hair gel bottles to get his hair lookin so good.

- So you see those teeth on his necklace? they’re teeth from charizard. a charizard willingly gave kiawe some teeth so he could have a badass af necklace. Kiawe is good with pokemon especially big and dangerous ones

- Really loves those moments where he hangs out with the other trial captains, he loves the meetings. He has gone to every. Single. Meeting. Not even shitting you right now he has. It’s also because he’s responsible and shit  

Mallow:

- DID YOU GUYS SEE THE ALOLAN BROCK EPISODE. I HAVE. MALLOW LOVES HER BROTHER BUT AT THE SAME TIME WISHES THAT HE WOULD GET A FUCKING LIFE ALREADY. AT LEAST IN HER MIND

- So! I feel like mallow really likes both the pokemon tsareena and the pokemon lurantis. She loves them both. I know in the anime she has a steenee, and in the games she gets a tsareena, so yeah its canon i guess. But you know what??? She loves lurantis as well, she knows it’s badass and she likes it as the totem pokemon.

- Loves trying all different hairstyles and she has a new hairstyle every day. Idfk if we never see it in the anime or the games or anywhere else. If i canon it its true bitches im a the fucking god of pokemon u assholes

- Has always had a taste for exotic flavors. As even a smol babby, she didn’t like “normal” food. It was bland to her. All of it was bland. So she made her picky tastes into food!!!

- …. Not everybody likes her food though. Right now she hasn’t learned to actually take criticism. She blocks it out whenever someone tries to criticize her food. She’ll learn when she’s older.

- Is kind of indecisive. She has trouble making decisions sometimes. “Hhmmm!!! Should i go to today’s meeting or not??? Well, gotta be responsible!!! Oh wait a sec! WHAT IF?? I JUST DIDNT GO? UH-”

- Her most big decision she will never fully decide on? Well, the question that i even ask myself everyday! Are boys cute… or are girls CUTER?! (yeah she will never decide on her sexuality)

Sophocles: (okay but i really like sophocles and i think if he existed me and him would be like best buds tbh)

- Okay, so i saw a headcanon on tumblr talking about how sophocles could possibly be autistic, because he’s extremely smart but can’t talk with people without having some kind of anxiety, and i think that might actually make sense! It’s obvious he has some kind of anxiety disorder or something, but i cant say whether he’s autistic or just anxious, since i haven’t done much research on autism. But! I hear it’s actually a very interesting subject, so maybe after some research i’ll make some headcanons on autistic! sophocles.

- Has always loved video games, and molayne was probably the one who got him into them.

- Not sure how to feel about his body. Like he knows he’s short and pale and he looks like a fucking baby. A lot of rude people have probably pointed it out to them before (most likely on the internet, or even ON FESTIVAL PLAZA THAT PLACE IS NOT FOR CHILDREN) and he hates it, but molayne (the pure man) has told him that being short has a lot of advantages and he actually looks a little cute with his baby face.

- togedemaru (togemaru) helps sophocles with his anxiety by letting sophocles pet him whenever he’s anxious and needs to calm down. Molayne was the one who got sophocles that pokemon in case molayne wasn’t around and sophocles had a panic attack and needed comfort

- He does love his food he’ll admit. (yes i like the anime shut up) he also loves mallow’s food!!! And her restaurant!!! And he goes there all the time. It’s like… his favorite place. Sometimes he stress eats but he tries not to do that ( t r i e s )

- He likes fidget spinners bitches and YOU CANT DO SHIT ABOUT IT

- He has a tumblr account. And nobody knows about but him. He posts memes on there and is shameless about it. kick me in the stomach nothing is changing my mind about this

Acerola:

- So yeah, she’s got parents. But she likes hanging out with uncle nanu more. Why? Because she knows he has too much alone time for himself and she knows it’s not healthy to be alone too much. ALSO SHE LOVES CATS AND NANU HAS PLENTY OF THOSE FURBALLS

- Speaking of uncle nanu, he was the one who taught her how to be such a good pokemon trainer. (she’s in the league for goodness sakes) nanu genuinely loves her. He’s never told her that, but acerola knows she’s charming <3

- Also she loves candles. they are spoopy. She likes spoopy purple candles yep

- Is really good friends with sophocles!! She’s surprisingly good with panic attacks and in their conversations she usually does the talking, much to sophocles relief.

- Can sew like a boss. Yes!!! She made her own dress!!! Well i mean… she doesn’t have many materials to work with. she only uses shitty rags or old clothes but still pulls it off. she is fabulous isn’t she

- The reason why she uses the thrifty megamart as her trial site? So she can steal the plushies they have there. I mean the plushies are old… but acerola isnt picky.

- Has a mimikyu for a pet but never uses it for battle

Mina:

- Has 100% dyed her hair before. Like imagine mina’s hair changing every few days and nobody notices beccause they’re used to it

- Art and pokemon battling aren’t her ONLY hobbies. I mean. Uh. wait lemme rethink this-

- She’s not the sterotypical depressed artist. She’s the sterotypical type of artist who doesn’t like their art most of the time but thinks everybody else’s art is amazing and deserves to be in a museum

- Her and hapu? Friends for life, man. There’s not too many people on poni island. Sometimes it can seem like NOBODY is on that island… like a ghost town tbh. Much less kids. Hapu and mina are most likely the only youngsters on poni island so they had to bond pretty quickly.

- She IS friends with llima tho, since llima likes to visit all the islands on alola they see each other sometimes. they probs dated for a while before llima discovered he was gay.

- Has paint on her clothes, her shoes, her bed, her room in general, her bag, her pokeballs, her pokemon-

- Has only gone to like… one trial captain meeting. Has never been to another one in her life. And she never will.

Dear god. I’ve been working on this for almost a fucking week. Something is wrong with me.

I

I think

I think i might be tRYING TO MAKE ACTUALLY GOOD HEADCANONS OH NO-

#pokemon #pokemon headcanons #pokemon sun #pokemon moon #pokemon sun and moon #llima #lana #kiawe #mallow #sophocles #acerola #mina

[darkangelz87]

Different Perspectives

A Autistic Sherlock and eventually Queerplatonic Johnlock fanfiction. Read if you want. ^^

                                     Seeing from Different Perspectives

                                                                                                                           Chapter One

 Autism.

: a mental condition, present from early childhood, characterized by difficulty in communicating and forming relationships with other people and in using language and abstract concepts.

Vague snapping of fingers, twirling, chewing on pencil erasers, sleeves and hands, bright lights, colors, sounds, texture of food and clothing, comforting or abrasive, touch, unwelcome and hurtful, eye contact, nope, thoughts merging and turning into screams… “STOP!”

Sherlock froze, shocked at the sound of his own voice ringing in his ears as he still was pulling at his curly hair, his eyes growing watery with unshed and unwanted tears as he stared straight ahead which happened to be right above a crowd of milling people in a shopping mall and dear lord, no, John was here. He didn’t want John to see this!

John Watson stopped what he was doing which was interrogating a passerby and he immediately strode over to him where he was sitting on a bench, the army doctor mask coming over his face as he leaned down, trying to catch his eye sight, “Hey! Sherlock! You okay? What’s wrong?”

Sherlock frowned, an eyebrow twitching.

Okay… I should probably start from the beginning.

I was diagnosed with Autism as a child and that combined with my brilliant mind and swift calculations was an astounding combination.

I saw it as a gift, my brain but I learned from other people especially my family and fellow childhood students that it wasn’t such a brilliant thing.

I remember enjoying and getting lost in the rays of sunlight through dust motes and how my pleasure points of my brain lit up with joy as I spent hours running my hands through the magical streams. I tried to show it to my family and got scolded for spending hours loafing when I should be studying.

My first special interest and happens to still be a dear interest of mine before studying murders, literature and violin was the wonder of bees. I fell in love with them after I saw my first bumble bee. One landed on a flower near me as I sat studying on a hill near our old house and when my eyes strayed to it, I felt something in me stir with silent wonder at its tiny fuzzy body and its low almost soothing buzzing. I watched it, enthralled until it flew away, and I rushed into the house, went to the family computer and quickly searched ‘Bees’.

I began to draw hundreds of bees, reading and studying everything about them and catching them, putting them in jars and letting them go after a while. The thing that blew my young mind and made me admire the little insects even more is, scientifically, the bumble bee’s wings should be too small for it to fly. Amazing little creatures that no one ever took notice of.

My bees ‘obsession’ was dismissed as a childish phase.

Flapping my hands when I was happy was discouraged ‘It was embarrassing’, twirling was considered dangerous to myself, to everyone around me and to the breakable objects within reach, when I was quiet and wanted to listen to Bach with my headphones on instead of struggling to push words out of my mouth I was considered uppity and snobbish.

Everything I did was wrong, so I started to formulate a blockade around me, my emotions and my autistic side was pushed down and restrained so I turned myself over to my mind and my calculating abilities and enhanced those qualities about myself instead and silently reveled in the praise it brought me from my family and the school faculty.

It didn’t help me with people though, they were a foreign entity and I didn’t want them to get too close to me because if they found out all about me they would surely go away, and I didn’t want the trouble, the headache and pain of relationships. And having girlfriends or boyfriends was out of the question. Sally Reed from high school tried to kiss me and I punched her for touching my tongue with hers and all the boys wanted to do with me was they hit me and taunted me for being smarter than them. I can’t help it if I knew the formula for pi in 4th grade, I naturally excelled at mathematics.

Later, I found my calling in being a consulting detective for Inspector Lestrade, it fully utilized my brain in a healthy way (drugs got my pent-up emotions and energy out when I was high, and I didn’t care about keeping up facades when I was stoned) and I could get along with Inspector Lestrade (Even if some of his group are complete idiots). I eventually found a promising flat with an acquaintance I knew from an old case, Mrs. Hudson. The only problem which was a big problem considering my sometimes-low funds (I refuse to ask Mycroft for anything if I can help it!) was I needed a flat mate to help me with the rent.

In walks John Watson.

I admit, at first, I was only interested in Watson because of his ability to pay some of the bills and to furnish half of the rent but then it turned to something else when he really listened to my deductions with almost a form of awe and a word whispered in complete reverence like: ‘Marvelous!’, ‘Brilliant!’, ‘Fantastic!’, the list went on and to top it all, he killed a man for me.

I haven’t known him for very long but what I do know of Watson, he intrigues me, and no one has ever intrigued me before. I wanted to keep him thinking that I was this intellectual genius, so I hid my disability from him with care the last couple of months that we have lived together.

Well, seems like the proverbial cat is out of the bag.

I didn’t want to go to a mall to talk to a jeweler that had been robbed from, it was a category 3 at least, not worth my interest but Watson had shown interest in it and he said it would be nice to hang out together, that it would be a casual time out together.

Uhuh… I should’ve went with my instinct and said, most definitely no!

It was an onslaught on my senses ever since we entered the doors. Screaming kids, chattering, giggling girls and boisterous laughter assaulted my ears, fluorescent lights glared in my eyes making my head pound with intense pain and people getting too close for comfort sometimes made my skin crawl and unpleasantly itch all over.

By the time I was clawing at my hair and screaming for everything to “STOP!” I knew my cover was blown.

I didn’t dare to look up when John asked what was wrong, but I gritted my teeth and clenched my eyes tightly shut, trying to shut out the imminent look of pity that would surely be coming from Watson.

What I didn’t expect was gentle, steady hands on both sides of my face.

My eyes flew open in shock and I blinked unexpectedly at the change of brightness as I slowly registered that John had just slipped a pair of sunglasses over my eyes.

I blinked up at John and he just smiled, a little smile that he shows sometimes when he is reading the paper, writing in his blog, or drinking an extra especially good cup of hot tea and he walked back to the jeweler, continuing to ask him questions.

I was dumbstruck.

I composed myself and quietly felt around in my faculties, testing myself to see if my senses had calmed down somewhat and found to my surprise that just dimming the lights had made the sounds more bearable and my pounding headache melted down to a tremor of pain. Note to self: Start carrying sunshades in coat pocket.

John walked back to me and I cocked my head to one side, looking up at him with a question on my face, he answered the quiet question, “Nothing that the police can’t solve by themselves.” I growled in annoyance, rolling my eyes, “Like I said, clearly a category 3, nothing of interest.” John grinned, shrugging, “Ah, oh well. It was worth getting out of the flat for a bit huh?” I snorted, looking away, “I’d rather dissect a skunk than be around these swaggering, giggling bags of testosterone and hormones.” John laughed, making me turn my eyes on him, really looking at him and seeing him, I quirked an eyebrow quizzically at this seemingly normal man and I smirked.

John Watson was anything but normal.

 Author’s note: This chapter is insanely short and kinda pointless lol but I just wanted to start this story with something sooo here it is! I’ve been wanting to write this for a very long time and I’m starting it! I’m excited! :) I will be using my own Autistic experiences in the story (Using sunglasses does help dim down sensory issues for me. I wear them in public a lot.). I hope to be able to kinda write and put together a guideline for the next chapter so it won’t be so short and kind of random and I am debating just keeping the story in Sherlock’s pov and not switching back and forth like I am prone to do.

But yeah, this story is about Autistic Sherlock and how he tries to act neurotypical and generally succeeds until John Watson comes in the picture and figures things out and the big thing is, John doesn’t care that Sherlock is Autistic and it may possibly be one of the things that he loves about him. 😊

Yes, there will be queerplatonic Johnlock a lot later in the story cause it’s a slow burn, very sloooow but cutesy fluffy slow burn.

Hope you guys like it and feedback is appreciated! 😊  

ω\$X�\$PD�l��}'Oe

#autistic sherlock fanfiction #actuallyautistic #autistic fanfic #johnlock fanfic #queerplatonic johnlock

[clodplaye]

The Best Day of My Life: September 23rd, 2017.

For those that care, read below:

On September 23rd, 2017, my 15 year dream became a reality.

I don’t think people understand and/or take me seriously when I say that this band changed my life.

Most people have seen a viral video of an autistic boy who was moved by Coldplay playing “Fix You” live. Ladies and gentlemen, that was me when I was 5 years old (hence the “15 year dream.” I’m currently 20 years old). When I was 5, A Rush of Blood to the Head was released (2002). I first heard “Clocks” on the radio on the way to kindergarten/elementary school. Like my fellow autistic in that viral video, I too, was moved by the ambience of Coldplay. Ever since, Coldplay has literally been the only music I listen to (well, except Adam Young AKA Owl City, but that’s a different story..).

If it weren’t for Coldplay, I would not be a singer-songwriter. Why do you think most of my covers are of Coldplay? My voice was shaped by Chris Martin’s unique and identifiable vocals. (Most) autistics have what’s known as “echolalia.” You know how parrots repeat stuff back that humans say? That’s what echolalia is. That’s how I learned how to sing: I mimicked Chris’ voice. All of their songs give me inspiration in one way or another as well. There is no band like Coldplay, and that’s why they’re the biggest band in the world.

For 15 years, I listened to every new song that came out; as soon as it came out. I remember in middle school, my best friend and I were freaking out over Mylo Xyloto. When I heard Coldplay were coming to Seattle back then, I was already crying. My dreams were crushed when my mom said, “You have school the next day.” I was 14. My 8th grade year and life were ruined in an instant.

Then I heard about Ghost Stories, but also heard about how small the tour was. I didn’t get my hopes up anyways, because Ghost Stories was actually my least favorite album. I thought for sure that it would be the last album Coldplay would ever release…

of course, I was wrong.

When I heard about A Head Full of Dreams, I was over the moon. I was so hopeful that this tour was going to be huge. Besides, Coldplay themselves said it might be their last album. When they announced the first leg of the American tour, I was extremely sad to see that Seattle or anywhere in the Pacific Northwest weren’t included. I had a feeling that they’d be back, but I honestly thought it wouldn’t happen…

but in October of 2016, that announcement was real.

I saw it. In that quick few seconds of that announcement video, I saw the abbreviation, “WA,” of course meaning Washington State.

I dropped my phone. My dreams weren’t shattered after all. From that moment, I swore that I was going to get those tickets to see the men that “ruined” and saved my life.

As soon as those tickets went onsale, I was ready. At first, I was only getting seats off the floor, “What? Why is this happening?? Why can’t I choose my seat?!?!” My mom knew how big of a fan I was, and I started bawling to her. “Calm down, Sweetheart. You’ll get those tickets, and we’ll do whatever it takes.” This was the woman that got mad when I told her that I wanted to be adopted by Chris Martin when I was 8 years old… anyways, I did calm down, and I tried using a different browser. By some stroke of luck… I got those tickets by the B-stage, and you better believe I bought them as fast as I could.

I cried I bawled. I just lost it. The concert was over a year away, but I was so ready to see my idols.

————————————————————————————————–

That day finally arrived on that beautiful day in September of 2017. I couldn’t believe that nearly a year flew by.

The day started off with waking up at 11:00am and taking over an hour to put all of my stuff together. I then met up with my friend and we got a few snacks before heading to the stadium.

We arrived at CenturyLink about an hour prior to them opening the gates. We were the second ones in line, too! As soon as those gates opened, we received our Xylobands and love buttons. I was already feeling the love from Coldplay and their entire team. Then, after buying some merchandise, we finally walked onto the field.

Now, I should also mention that the Seahawks also play at CenturyLink, and my family have been season ticket holders; also since 2002. I have never in my life walked onto that field before. So when I stepped onto that field… I nearly fainted.

Not only did the Seahawks (my other idols) play here, but the stage that I’d only seen in pictures for 2 years… was right in front of us. Just… right in front of us. Tears literally streamed down my face. My friend didn’t judge me at all, but I knew I was a hot mess. I had no idea if I was going to make it through the whole show (literally).

I then found our seats, and of course, we took a few pictures. I didn’t actually realize that we were only about 10 feet away from the B-stage. I thought for sure we’d be further away. Yep, I also flipped out then.

Alina Baraz was fantastic. I don’t usually like opening acts, but Alina did such an amazing job. Her voice and her stage presence were very soothing. Dare I say she was actually better than Tove Lo (in my opinion). Then again… I’m not really a big fan of Tove Lo. Sure, she’s got a great voice, but as an asexual (a sex-repulsed asexual), her music makes me feel extremely uncomfortable. I found myself shaking my head during some of her songs.

Okay, and now for the moment you’ve all been waiting for…

BOI WHEN THAT INTRO STARTED, I WAS SHOOKETH.

This was the only part of the show that I’d actually seen before-hand. I knew Chris was going to run down to the B-stage and do that flying thing he always does during the bridge of “A Head Full of Dreams,” but I still wasn’t prepared. I was already bawling again. I couldn’t believe it was him. I couldn’t believe it was Coldplay. I couldn’t believe they were in my city.

Throughout the show, Chris kept mentioning how much he loved Seattle. He mentioned Pearl Jam, Nirvana, and Soundgarden, and how he would try to do ‘em justice (which of course he did). That small tribute to Chris Cornell also made me tear up. Soundgarden was another band I grew up with. Chris also mentioned that the first show they ever played in the United States was at The Showbox in Seattle. I had to look it up, but it’s true. I couldn’t believe it. I was only 4 when they played there, but it was still awesome to hear. When the whole band moved to the B-stage, I held up the front of my sign. For those that don’t know, the front of my sign said, “After 15 years of waiting… [My] Head Full of Dreams came true today (Coldplayer since 2002). #believeinlove”  I believe Jonny saw my sign, because he looooked in myyyyy direction (sorry…), and he went from being serious to being extremely happy (nearly laughing)! That made me feel so good. At least one of the members saw my sign. I’m pretty sure Chris saw it too, but it was too far away for him to read at the time. He squinted trying to read it, but yeah… I think he noticed it. Doesn’t matter if he did or not though, I (somewhat) hope that Coldplay discovers my account… one day… maybe they already have… Also, before the show, a person working for the event came up to my friend and I and said, “The band is going to walk right by your seats to the C-stage later tonight. Get your phones ready!” He was really nice the whole night. The other security people… not so much. When that moment finally came during the show, I was right in front of the tape they put out for the band so they had a clear path to the C-Stage. I nearly touched Chris, but was still 3 feet away from him. My arms weren’t long enough. I still bawled like a freaking child, though. Finally, Chris said the following dialogue on the C-stage:

“So… when we were just off-stage a second ago, Will said, ‘The reason why this audience is so good is because they’re called, ‘The 12th Man.’’ Is that correct?” *audience fucking cheers loud af* “No wonder your football team is so fucking good because they got you on their side, so that’s amazing! Ah… I wish we could take you everywhere…” I fucking died when he said that.

Meanwhile, the concert went by lightening fast. When they started playing “Up&Up,” I couldn’t believe it was already over. I didn’t even cry; I was in shock.

I never understood why some people on here wrote really long, sappy posts about the show. Now I do.

From now on, I am reading every new post about the show from someone else’s experience. Now I understand why people share their experience. We all know that this band is what brought a lot of us, and the world together, but I never knew how big of an impact they made on other people.

I said this already, and I’ll say it again. I’m sorry to my future (adopted) children, but that night was the best fucking night of my life, and it will always be. I can’t even explain how I felt during that show. If you haven’t seen Coldplay live, you need to. It will change your life. That was the most “Fun” (which, they didn’t play live??) I’ve ever had in my whole life. Seeing the men that I’ve looked up to since I was a little kid… how do you even come close to explaining that?

Chris: “… I hope we’ll always come back as long as you want us to; whether it’s The Showbox or CenturyLink!”

I sincerely hope so. Chris, Jonny, Guy, Will, Phil, and the rest of the team: from the bottom of my heart, thank you. You gave me a show and a night that I will never forget. Those 15 years of waiting were certainly worth it. “See You Soon”… -PJ (AKA Clodplaye; that chick that makes fun of you in the best way possible)

PS: HIGHLIGHTS (TL;DR)

Chris didn’t fuck up during the concert

Chris said that their first show in the US was at The Showbox in Seattle (I know exactly where that is, and I freaked)

Chris sang a tribute to Chris Cornell (Soundgarden; formed in Seattle) at the end of “The Scientist” (”Black Hole Sun”)

Chris: “Pearl Jam forever. Nirvana forever. Soundgarden forever,” and also said (somewhere) at the beginning of the show that he hope(d) Coldplay would “do ‘em justice” (they did in my opinion) 

“And this time, I’m gonna say, ‘JUMP’, let’s really fucking jump!!!!” ~Chris Martin

The band praising “The 12th Man” (now known as “The 12s,” actually), and how loud and amazing we were (I would know, I’ve been going to every Seahawks home game since I was 5 years old as well)

Coldplay didn’t play my request song. They played “Us Against the World” (another request from Instagram) because of the live album! Chris said: “Now listen, I know some of you are superfans, and you probably say, 'You know, they keep getting the same song requested,’” *laughs* “and you’re right, you’ve called us out! We’re making this live album, and uh… we wanna put this song on it-” *bangs tooth on microphone* “…is there a great dentist in the room? Anyway, …because we feel like we never quite got it right on record. …this evening, we’re gonna try another take… maybe with Seattle and the 12th man… with a banged up tooth, maybe we can capture the right performance tonight with all of you, that would be wonderful. Thank you for letting us keep requesting the same song.” It finally made sense, and I was nodding in agreement when Chris said the superfan part. LOL… I’m still salty that “42” wasn’t played, though…

WILL SANG “DON’T PANIC” INSTEAD OF CHRIS AND/OR JONNY

I left my icon picture on my chair (my reputation is out the window already, what the hell)

They didn’t play “Fun” live...

A PSA that I fucking died and had an out-of-body experience that night

#coldplay #fan experience #my experience #sappy post #chris martin #guy berryman #will champion #jonny buckland #long post #appreciation post #a head full of dreams tour #coldplay seattle #PS I hope there are no grammar errors or incorrect facts #I reread this like 10 times

[wearethegladiators]

WHERE ARE THEY NOW? RACHEL EDITION

fc: leighton meester

age: 27 (it’s been very confusing because she’s sometimes born in 1991, sometimes in 1993. I think we made her older so that she could legally inherit from the DCH so let’s make her 27 - or about to be. I see her as more of a end of the year/winter child tbh.)

job: head of dch bitch 

(long post ahead buckle up kids)

Backstory-wise

 Rachel’s back-story is a good 99% inspired by shitty téléfilms but I wouldn’t change most of it, she’s had it and that really defines who she is as a person. (I mean, she definitely did not have a split personality disorder wth? I watched too much Heroes for sure. She may be struggling with an Intermittent Explosive Personality Disorder though, like Liam in TW). The plane crash thingy may be a bit too much, but... I mean, Rachel IS the final girl. I’m used to playing survivor but l’essence même de Rachel c’est d’être une survivante. Ah si, aussi, her father is now called Louis Seymour and no longer Lewis Seyfried (wth did all our characters had such American names???? Lewis’s French, goddamn it). Oh and we’re gonna be talking disability as well.

I couldn’t find her comprehensive back-story so let’s just go with the flow. Aurélia and Louis definitely were not married, they probably did not even have a stable relationship (I mean how could you have a stable relationship with Aurélia). But I can see them dating for a while, Louis may have been touring in the U.S. to show his work and skills, anyway. I don’t think Aurelia ever told him about her pregnancy which DRAMATICALLY parallels Tyler and Rachel’s story (actually I pretty much think she did not tell anyone…). Or maybe she did, years later. Or when she left Rachel at an orphanage somewhere in Canada. So yeah Rachel was abandoned aged 1 J She mostly grew up in that structure, but she had behavioral/anger issues and she was bullied by other kids/did not stay for long with her foster families. So Rachel, a SURVIVOR, ultimately freaking ran away from that orphanage (probably around 10-ish years old) and pretty much… lived in the streets for a while, and walked a lot (boi she’s got so much in common with Lukas yo). She was ultimately found by a family which put an “ad” in the local newspapers and that’s how her maternal grandmother found her. For some reason the maternal grandmother decided not to keep her (she stayed max 1 year with her) and to send her back to her father in France (either in the South or in Normandy). Then they took the plane, let’s say they had no crash and Rachel found her dad and she lived at his place until she was 14 years old (when he was killed by Z) and she was very happy about it. That’s pretty much where she learnt how to ride because bah mdr she probably had never done so before, or only in colo or shit like that; she also learnt at least “French” French (she potentially knew Québecois). I don’t think she ever was a jockey though or that Z and GG shot her horse during a race MDRRR (remember it’s 2019 we have plotlines now). But her father was still killed by Z and euh well… she ended up once again with no parental figure and was supposed to be brought back to foster care/an orphanage, which was not very cool, so guess what? SHE RAN AWAY BITCH. I can see her hitchhiking and pretty much stealing stuff and maybe hanging out with weird people in some squats (but NEVER doing drugs that’s so not Rachel), and ultimately she ended up in Paris where she thought she could “disappear”, maybe find a job or something – anyway, opportunities. She probably had a fake ID that said she was 18 and maybe she was even able to buy a car (but just to sleep in it mdr) (or to drive illegally, I mean, yeah). And I guess one day she found the DCH and asked John and Elodie if she could work there for some money and they took her in and now she’s a star!!

Also there was an interesting aspect to Rachel when I first started playing her (a while, while ago): she had that big accident while riding a horse and was pretty much left disabled by it and did not ride for years until boom, DOOMER bitch. I don’t think she would have been able to survive the way she did with a disability but I kind of like this storyline so I guess maybe she had this “accident” with no big consequences but she was heavily traumatized by it (her horse may still have died in it but that would seriously echo Cassey’s story – I mean that happens but still). So she probably did not ride for a while after that, yeah.

Started from palefrenière ended up CEO BITCH

 Professionally

Well I mean, Rachel’s pretty much at the top of her career… I think she’s pretty big now, people are starting to respect her in the business. It was quite hard being in charge at 18 because no one would take her seriously but she’s proven repeatedly that she’s to be counted with by now. There are probably people coming to the DCH just to learn about their methods. Maybe they are little girls looking up to her. She’s definitely holding Ted-Talk-like conferences btw. Maybe she had her own Ted Ex?

She made the DCH much bigger, they probably have more horses now and they DO have an administrative/business/executive team, YEAH. She also definitely worked on the “social”/”horses heal” aspect, probably extending the procedure Tyler benefited from, maybe opening up séances once or twice a week for people in rehab or neuroatypical people, because that’s the crap she does – Rachel cares, yo.

She went back to class! Remember Rachel never got the Bac because she was fired from high-school mdr? She went back and got it, probably around 2013-2014, Sarah Manning style. And then she did a BTS in accounting to take care of the financial aspect of the DCH (because Jake’s great, and everyone’s great in the new team, but everything Rachel does is obviously greater). I think she even got a Bachelor degree in Management by now! MY GIRLLLL

She stopped her career as a jockey as soon as she found out she was pregnant. Doomer had another jockey for some races but stopped winning mdr so he’s now retired. None of them are running anymore, it was a once-in-a-lifetime thingy. <3

Rachel’s popular but she doesn’t get to play it all funny like Jade and Lucie do. She’s the business women. She has to negotiate and go hard. So she’s definitely not as liked as the jockeys are, and she’s definitely not as famous as they are but she SO strives to be, she’s definitely doing ads for yoghurts and shit yup. She does not get to travel as much as they do either, but… She likes it. Being in charge. And she’s good at it. She’s a workaholic, a girl boss, a fashion icon.

Tries to care on her time to teach stuff but she’s soooo busy. Mais c’est elle qui supervise toutes les formations et tous les programmes et personne a rien à dire hihihi

 Personally

Well, she had a baby… I don’t think 1) this came as a big surprise (she definitely was not on the pill and I don’t know but I can’t picture Tyler and Rachel as extremely careful people smh) and 2) she even questioned keeping it. Like she was already pretty much the mother of Chelsea (who was a baby!!) and Mike, but having a baby of her own is like a totally different thing. Rachel is a survivor first and foremost but she’s also… such a mother??? So nurturing and stuff. Like she never really had a parental figure (or never for more than 3 motherfucking years) and yet I think she was super good at taking care of the Howkins children?? She also had experience as a “single parent”, and she felt she NEEDED that baby to recover (especially if Tyler was presumably dead). So yeah, of course she kept it. She probably learnt about it WEEKS before telling the team btw, just to act surprised and be like “omg, maybe this a bit too late……..” mdr I love her

Honestly even if Tyler isn’t dead I don’t think she would have told him. And see that’s the big difference between Rachel and Cass: she doesn’t run after people. If they leave, they leave. If they drown, they drown. It’s all about survival and she’s not letting anyone take her down, not even her first love. So no, she wouldn’t tell him. And she wouldn’t ask him anything ofc. So yeah mdr, ambiance when he comes back after 2 years hahahaha

Also I think she’s raising a very good, very woke kid. Which is surprising because Rachel is very tolerant but you know, she’s also very closeted, she’s very traditional in some ways, definitely the less likely to vote on the left side… It’d be interesting btw if the kid (who has a cute name like Timothy/Timothée/Titouan) ends up “different” in some way, I don’t know, neuroatypical, autistic, or just gay?? I mean I don’t know but that would be interesting for her character

Also mdr poor kid must be a bit confused about his parents. Josh was there pretty much all the time to help take care of him for the first 2-3 years of his life and maybe he even moved in at some point, for some time. If Tyler never came back the kid would legit have thought that Josh was his dad hahaha

 And I mean Rachel’s a sentimental bitch, she’s into long relationships and she’s very committed and… if Tyler comes back there will always be an attraction and an attachment and they’re definitely still hooking up once in a while… which must be very weird for the kid… because Rachel is sometimes also hooking up with Josh… I mean… (Josh/Rach are pretty endgame I’m sorry but they’re… it’s complicated) (gosh Josh is the Rachel’s Jake mdrrrr)

I think btw Rachel has been in a long-term relationship (like at least a good year) with some guy outside of the DCH and they broke up because…… she cheated on him with Josh, or Ty, or both, maybe for some time mdr. WHAT A MESS I SWEAR my girl just dreamt of being married having kids and living in a little nice farm but I guess dysfunctional people just work… dysfunctional…

Oh I think she REALLY likes Lukas btw. They’re even more similar than Dan/Rachel and that’s a good way of actually appreciating Daniel… without actually appreciating Daniel. Wouldn’t be surprised if they had hooked up too (nothing is okay dans ces écuries), but yeah, probs a good friend, plus she misses one since Jake left (the fact that he helped with the administrative shite?? probably made them even closer tbh, what a good guy)

She really cares about Daniel too, tbh. She definitely can see some pieces of herself in him and… well she doesn’t like that, but still. Actually I think if he was the one to run away she may have run after him… to kick his ass, BUT STILL. Maybe she’s the one taking him to the meetings when Cassey can’t?? :’) I also like to think their relationship has matured – but in a Dan/Rach way. They can tolerate each other but yeah, every freaking meal they yell at each other at some point, but talk in a very normal/casual way two minutes right after. Everyone’s shook but that’s ok for them. They’re kids basically. I like them.

I don’t think she’s so close to Bella anymore… Like I said Rach is really not the type to cling onto relationships, if people live far away she’s not gonna make efforts. She doesn’t have time anyway. Still likes her a lot, still would be freaking happy if she came visiting

Jake and Rach are very good friends; Jade and Lucie are like her two big sisters who have literally seen her grow up from her 15 year-old self to her 27-year-old GOSH I’M EMO. One of them definitely is the godmother of her son, maybe both. Jake’s the godfather. Omg family meetings must be so chaotic

I think she really likes Emeline, too, she was kind of a vent de fraîcheur and she appreciates her for that

ADAM. THIS GODDAMN ASSHOLE. Well Adam’s blood. And he’s the only family she’s got (left). So it’s ride or die bitch. I mean Rachel always had a very grayish moral code… so it’s not a big surprise she stuck with her brother whatever shit he did. Definitely kicked his ass every step of the way but… she stayed. Always. Which is surprising for Rachel, but Adam is actual family and I think she really cares about that cause god she never had a family. They’re still in touch. I can see them going in holidays two weeks a year and doing absolute bullshit that could get them in serious trouble. Yeah. She really cares. (I mean, she’s the one he called when he crashed a freaking police car so i hope he cares, too.)

SHE SAW AURELIA. FINALLY. I mean it obviously did not go well, she probably tried to strangle her at some point or something like that but… she did it. Probably when she was pregnant for drama purposes. And they’ve seen each other for a few times, ever since. Maybe Aurélia has even come to the DCH. But Rachel absolutely refuses that she builds a bond with her son. There’s a lot of drama, and Aurélia’s often on the road, but… they’re trying to make things right with their problematic personalities. I honestly think Rachel picked a lot on Aurelia’s side.

Btw, Rachel’s really a family girl and I think she stalked the fuck out of her family whenever she could. So she probably knew that Aurelia had a son and that’s probably how she found out that Adam was her brother. And Aurelia… she definitely freaking stalked her daughter, too.

Hm, what else… I hope Fuadegh is still alright I loved that horse!!!! I hope he has a baby and that baby’s Rachel’s baby. Did that make sense

Yeah the DCH definitely has sort of “farm aisle” where the public does not go. It’s basically la garderie for all the kids mdr

I like to believe the Howkins kids turned out well. I mean maybe Mike had to process more trauma than Chelsea who really was a baby when things were bad. Maybe it’s resurfacing and he’s being a bit difficult at the time. I can see him very close to Josh. We stan Josh, all the kids do.

OH YEAH BIG THING. You know how Rachel has loads of anger issues and stuff… Well she calmed down somehow, but because she had no choice. She got into a very heavy dispute with some other director/jockey/breeder/whatever, a pretty influential one. And she  started threatening him – Rachel style. Le mec a ensuite porté plainte et ça a déclenché une perquisition au Domaine où la police a effectivement découvert que Rachel, that bitch, possédait plusieurs armes de manière totalement illégale hihihi. Elle a été condamnée, petit scandale, une assistante sociale est venue plusieurs fois au Domaine, on a menacé de mettre le DCH sous tutelle et tout c’était la cata. Donc elle s’est un peu calmée. Je pense aussi que Mike/son fils aurait pu avoir des problèmes d’agressivité à l’école, qu’elle se serait dit que ça pouvait venir d’elle, et que du coup elle ESSAYAIT, vraiment, d’être un peu une bombe humaine. (Puis il y a sûrement pas mal de plaintes contre elle, ne serait-ce que venant de Kevin, pour aggravated assault, donc elle a VRAIMENT intérêt à se calmer).

Random

She dyed her hair blond at some point. Everyone was like “Rachel no”, she was like “Rachel yes”, she did it, it did not turn so bad.

She still lives in her teenage bedroom!!! Elle a sûrement fait des putains de travaux sur la façade pour étendre un peu le truc pour quand elle devait dormir avec son bébé mais elle a jamais voulu de cette punaise de chambre. Tbh Jade’s probably the one living in the Howkins’ master bedroom hahahaha

I can see her dating an old business man for some time, probably did not last for too long tho. Can you imagine Lukas and his sugar mommy/daddy and Rachel with her old businessman?? (except she’s rich she doesn’t need a sugar daddy yo)

She’s got a bunch of tattoos. Quotes and very common ones

She’s definitely the one that looked the less traumatized because her whole life has been shit and this wasn’t honestly wasn’t so big of a difference… But I like to believe she’s been to therapy, has seen a psychologist, or maybe is in a full psychanalyse… Maybe she was forced to because of the investigation but it doesn’t matter, I want her to speak and to heal, she deserves that

She makes me think a lot about Malia Tate in how they’re both assumed to be “street-smart”, not exceptionally smart kids, savages actually, but they somehow manage to never fall behind in classes in spite of a very chaotic scolarité. My girl IS smart, she’s just very bad at showing it

#rachel