#again check out the creator’s ao3 fic it’s fun

[mothinflamesdoodles]

Fanart for @ketchupsapocalypse

#really digged the scene when ketchup made note that his bros scarf was off in the texture and shade and stuff #lost his world and he looks way different from before and even his bros scarf wasn’t even the same #anyways first sans I’ve posted here and it’s an au hur hur #anyways love ya work author/creator #again check out the creator’s ao3 fic it’s fun #fanart #illustration #artists on tumblr #art #doodle #sans #sans au #digital art #ketchup sans #undertale au #outcode #I’m just copying the tags #:) #ketchup’s apocalypse #I love me a good crack fic #fav tag for ao3 always been crack treated seriously I’m a sucker for em

[absurdthirst]

Better Late Than Never {Marcus Pike x F!Reader}

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 18.9k

Warnings: Young musician Marcus, oral sex (male and female receiving), vaginal sex, confessions, murders, attempted murder, angst, vaginal fingering, multiple orgasms, face fucking, mentions of pregnancy/family planning, hostage situation, threats of death, shoots, death

Comments: College is amazing, fun and the best boyfriend, Marcus Pike. You dream of a life together with him. Until you witness a horrible crime and are ripped from the life you know. Years later, a theft at your art gallery brings one Marcus Pike back into your life, revealing secrets and the fact that you never stopped loving him.

Co-written with @storiesofthefandomlovers

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|| MasterList || Marcus Pike MasterList ||

Click Keep Reading only if you have read the Rating and Warnings and understand the warnings may not be complete to avoid listing spoilers. As AO3 says 'creator chooses not to use warnings'. You also agree that you're the right age to be consuming anything here.

“And now, Sex Riot!” 

You start screaming as soon as they announce the band, always willing to cheer your college boyfriend and his band on, especially since this is the biggest gig they’ve ever played. “Yay baby! Whoooooo!” You clap and then put your fingers in your mouth to whistle from your spot at the bar as Marcus, Aaron, Dominic and Anthony immediately start playing the first song. Marcus, sweet and kind, looks like every girl's bad boy dream since you added a little bit of your eyeliner and gelled up his hair. Paired with his lucky t-shirt with the pot smoking ‘shroom, ripped jeans and boots, he looks sexy and you can’t wait to take him back to your apartment after it’s over. 

Marcus finds you in the crowd and grins, winking at you as he plays a few chords to warm up his bass guitar and to check he’s in tune. He looks at the lead singer, Aaron, who nods and Marcus waits for the count in from Dom. He starts to play the song, the crowd starting to jam and he feels the thrill of the performance start to hit him. You are there, grinning up at him and he loves how much you support him for every gig.

You beam as they finish the first song. Clapping and cheering as Aaron greets the crowd. You know that when he gets down, he’s going to want a beer and a kiss and you will give them to him. You are completely in love with him and tonight you are going to tell him.

Marcus is sweating when the set ends, blood racing with exhilaration and he grins as he finds You applauding him, his favorite groupie, and he grins when you blow him a kiss. Fuck, he loves you. He’s gonna tell you soon. Never one to hide his emotions, he’s gonna need to blurt out his feelings soon. He takes his final bow with the band and he finds you backstage after you rush back there, his hands finding your waist and he leans in to press his lips to yours.

Kissing Marcus Pike is like breathing, natural and all consuming. You reach up and tangle your fingers into his sweaty, longish curls. Moaning into his mouth, you don’t even hesitate to press yourself against him eagerly. Only breaking away to breathe and then you nudge your nose against his and grin. “You were amazing, baby.” You gush, giggling when you kiss him again.

Marcus slides his hands down to squeeze your ass. “You enjoyed the show?” He asks and you nod, kissing his jaw as you lean against him. “Fuck, I was nervous to sing backup vocals on the new song. Was it good?” He asks, biting his lip when he pulls back to look at you.

“It was so good, baby. I love your voice.” You nod. “I love when you sing to me.” Grinning, you lift a brow. “Sing in the shower.” You tease, knowing he’s only singing in the shower when you aren’t in it with him. Normally if you come over to his place, you might catch it if he was still in the shower.

Marcus blushes, unaware that you’d heard him in the shower. It makes him wonder if you heard what else he does when you aren’t in the mood for him. “Fuck, you wanna get out of here? I’m not really in the mood for drinks. I want to go back to mine and shower…with you.” He adds, biting his lip.

“Your place?” You nod and kiss him one more time before you turn to grab your purse off the bar. You have already paid for your drink so you are ready to go. Even if the rest of the band stays and parties, it just means that you and Marcus will have the apartment to yourselves since he rooms with his band mates. “I think I want to have the bassist from my favorite band in the shower with me.” You send him a hot look. “So I can show him how big of a fan I am.”

Marcus nods, knowing the rest of the band will be okay with packing up the equipment since he’s stayed late every gig this year. He takes your hand, knowing the guys will bring his bass back, and he tells Aaron that he’s taking you home. “Have fun.” Aaron smirks, knowing exactly why you’re leaving so soon but Marcus doesn’t give him a second thought as he escorts you out to his car. Before he opens the door, he grabs you to push you against the passenger side, his lips finding yours under the street light.

In typical collegiate horny fashion, you have no problem making out with your boyfriend of nearly eight months right there. Feeling him start to harden against your hip only has you even more feral for him. One hand in the pocket of his ripped jeans, the other pushes between you so you can squeeze his thick cock, making him groan into your mouth. “Take me home, Marcus.” You demand. “I want to suck your cock and I can’t do that here.”

Marcus groans, hating to pull away from you but your promise to suck him off is never one he would deny you so he pecks your lips and pulls away from you. Shifting to open the door for you, helping you in before he jogs around the car to get into the driver’s seat. “God.” He breathes out as he starts to drive, trying to focus on the road and not the way you’re looking at him as he drives to his place.

You smirk and slide your hand down to his belt buckle. “Keep your eyes on the road, Pike.” You tease playfully as you unbuckle it. “I can’t wait until we get back to your place to feel you.” You’ve never given road head before, but for Marcus, you would do anything.

“Fuckkkk.” Marcus groans, fingers tightening on the steering wheel as you take his cock out of his pants. “Fuck baby. You’re too good to me.” He groans and you lean down to take him into your mouth. The car swerves slightly and he exhales to control himself and the car.

He’s slightly salty with sweat but like always, he tastes amazing. Musky and heady as you roll your tongue over the tip and pull back slightly before taking him deeper into your mouth. Groaning at his pulsing twitch of excitement. He loves when you suck his cock and you know that the added thrill of driving and being slightly exposed is doing something for you so it must be doing something for him. He had always kind of giggled when you watched movies where the guy gets road head, so you are happy you decided you couldn’t wait.

Marcus hisses when you suck him a little harder, taking him deeper and he swears he nearly cums but he reaches down to caress your cheek, “fuck baby. So good to me.” He coos, struggling to concentrate when you’re hollowing your cheeks.

You hum, happy he’s enjoying it. You know when you get back to his place, he will drag you in the shower and by the time you’re clean, he’ll be ready to go again. Your lips touch the fabric of his jeans and you swallow around his thick length.

Marcus can barely keep his eyes open but he forces himself, moaning again when you swallow around him and he reaches down to pat your cheek. “I’m gonna cum.” He warns you, “baby. I’m gonna cum.”

You smirk slightly, almost pulling off of him to remind him that’s the point of sucking his cock. Instead you double down on your effort, wanting him to cum down your throat. Moaning around him as the jerks and pulses of his cock tell you he’s about to bust.

Marcus pants, fucking glad he’s stopping at a traffic light. “Fuck fuck Fuck.” He hisses as he starts to cum, unable to control himself anymore as he starts to cum down your throat.

You swallow as much as you can, some of it spilling out the side of your mouth but you don’t stop swallowing. Not until every drop has been pumped into your mouth and that little sigh he always gives when he’s done comes out of his mouth. Pulling off of him lightly, you lick your lips and grin as you sit up. “How was that for your applause?”

“Fuck baby. I- just wait till we get back to mine.” He promises breathlessly. “I’m gonna - fuck. The things I’m gonna do to you.” He promises, pushing down on the pedal a little too hard when the light turns green. You tuck him away into his pants and he pulls you up to kiss your cheek, “God baby. You’re incredible.” He murmurs, focusing back on the road so he can rush back to his apartment.

You giggle quietly as Marcus races back to his apartment building, nearly squealing his tires in an effort to get there as quickly as possible. Once parked, you jump out of the car and run towards the building. “You have to catch me,” you tease over your shoulder.

Marcus chuckles, shaking his head and he scrambles to lock his car. He rushes after you, running up the stairs and he catches up to you when you are at his front door. “Gotcha.” He growls playfully, spinning you so he can push you against the door, kissing you with a smile, his hands reaching for your hands to lift your arms above your head, restraining your wrists, his hand slides back down to squeeze your tit, his tongue sliding into your mouth.

You moan into him, enjoying the taste and feeling of him pressing against you. “Marcus.” You pant when he slides his tongue out enough to let you talk. “Shower and then I want to go to bed.” You beg, knowing that you want him inside you, touching you when you tell him how you feel.

He pulls away reluctantly, wanting to touch you but he knows he has to open his door. He grabs his keys, fumbling to open the door with your lips on his neck but he manages, swallowing harshly and nearly stumbling when it swings open. “Get naked. Now.” He demands, needing you, to see all of you.

You giggle at his commanding, desperate tone. Knowing that he is close to losing control and with it, leaving some of the sweetness behind. The best thing about Marcus is that he is so kind in and out of bed, but you like when he is a little rough with you. “Yes sir.” You tease, pouting seductively as you toss your purse down and reach to unzip your dress.

Marcus groans, his eyes hungrily eating you up and he bites his lip when you toss your bra aside, stepping out of your panties. “Fuck, you’re so gorgeous.” He murmurs, kicking off his boots and he pulls his shirt over his head, pushing his jeans down. His cock is still flaccid but his eyes are drinking you in as he pushes his boxers down. “Come on baby.” He murmurs, reaching for you and he takes your hand to escort you to the bathroom. He grabs his body wash from the shelf and turns on the water.

Marcus has a runners ‘or a swimmer’s body. Long, lean lines and limbs. Still powerful, and you take a moment to appreciate that as you watch him. You know you will have to gather your clothes later, but right now you press yourself up against him when you step into the shower together and wrap your arms around his neck. “I missed you today, baby.” He had a test and then one quick half shift at his job before his gig. His parents were funding his college, which was fantastic, but Marcus was responsible enough to still have a job.

“I missed you too.” Marcus murmurs, his hands caressing your back. “Always miss you.” He promises, leaning back so he can look into your eyes. “You enjoyed the show?” He asks, always anxious that he wasn’t good enough. He plays guitar mainly but when Aaron needed a bass player, he stepped up to learn it.

“You were great.” You promise him, sliding your fingers through his hair and tilting his head back to wet it under the spray so you can wash it for him. “Every note was perfect and you looked so sexy up there.” You coo. “All I could think of was how that is my man and I get to go home with him.”

Marcus smirks, eyes closed as you grab the shampoo and his hands squeeze your ass cheeks as you lather up his locks. “Only you. No one else.” He vows, knowing his band mates take home random women but you’re the one for him. He’s never been the Casanova type, always liking to be with one woman, to have a relationship and a deeper connection than a one night stand. You rinse his hair and he leans down to kiss you again, unable to keep away from you.

"Mmmmmm." You smile against his lips and open for him, moaning softly when his tongue slides against yours and he shuffles to press you back against the shower wall. You never seem to get enough of him and you don't think. you ever will. You love him. You have decided that you want to be with him forever and you pull back to smile at him softly. "Only you." You promise back.

Marcus kisses you softly, shifting to kneel down in the shower and he grabs your leg, kissing your knee before he lifts it onto his shoulder. His eyes on you as he leans forward to nudge your mound, his tongue coming out to slide through your folds. He loves how you taste and he wants you to cum on his tongue before he fucks you in his bed.

“Marcus!” You cry out, slapping your hand against the wall and your eyes roll back in your head. Marcus’s tongue is always eager, always seemingly perfect as it carves a path through your folds and flicks over your clit. He sucks it into his mouth and hums, which always makes you moan softly. 

His hands slide up to squeeze your tits, the water flowing over his back and he loves the way you moan his name. He could listen to that for the rest of his life. His hands caress and squeeze and pinch while his tongue dips back down to push inside of you with a groan.

Tilting your head up, you pant his name again, your thigh shaking and barely supporting you without his help to keep you pinned against the wall. “Oh fuck, Marcus.” You chant quietly. “Baby, you’re so good. Fuck, you’re so good.” 

Marcus desperately needs you to cum, his tongue diving deep as his nose presses against your clit. His hands slide down to squeeze your ass, tilting your hips so his tongue can push deeper inside of you.

“Oh shit!” Your body bucks and you cry out wordlessly when your orgasm hits you. Pleasure and heat washing over you in successive waves as he keeps pressing deeper. Tongue curling and prodding inside you and his nose is the perfect pressure against your clit.

He works you through it, his tongue lapping up every drop of your essence and he groans, pulling back to look up at you. Hair slicked back and eyes dark. He shifts to stand up after lowering your leg and he leans in to kiss you again, sliding his tongue into your mouth.

When he pulls back, you giggle quietly. “So glad I have a boyfriend who loves to eat pussy.”

You hum, reaching for the body wash and his shower mitts. Lathering them up quickly, you start to wash his body, eager to get him into bed.

Marcus lets you wash him then he returns the favor, his hands everywhere as he washes you and he groans when your fingers wrap around his hard cock. “So impatient for me.” He jokes softly, rinsing you off. “You wanna come to my bed?” He asks, kissing along your neck.

“Fuck yes.” You pant, stroking his cock with the quick, harsh motion that he enjoys. “I need you inside me, baby. Right now.” You beg.

Marcus reaches behind you to turn off the water, he grabs the towel and wraps it around you, grabbing another one for himself to dry off and then he’s dragging you into his bedroom. He pushes you onto the bed, his body covering yours as he kneels between your thighs, “wanna cum inside of you.” He murmurs, wanting to fill you up. He usually pulls out to be safe despite your birth control but tonight he wants to feel your walls pulsing around him when he cums.

You moan softly, loving the idea. Nodding, you reach up to caress his chest. “I want that baby, I’m safe.” You promise him, also keeping track of your cycle as well as your birth control. “Fill me up, I want to feel it.” You coo, enjoying the low moan as he pushes his cock through your folds and starts to break into you as he rocks his hips forward to kiss you.

Marcus groans into your mouth as you stretch to take him. You’re so fucking perfect. So fucking wet and tight. He closes his eyes as he pushes until he’s inside of you fully. “Fuck, baby girl. I - I love how you feel around me.” He murmurs, kissing along your neck as he gives you a moment.

You close your eyes, a small smile on your face as your fingers tangle into his hair. “I love you.” You murmur softly, knowing that he will hear you since his ear is right next to your lips. It’s the right moment, the perfect moment to tell him how you feel. “I love you, Marcus.”

Marcus pulls back to look at you, eyes wide. “I love you too. Fuck, I love you so much baby.” He promises. His hips start to move as he works his cock in and out of you. “I love you. I love you.” He repeats over and over between kisses to your skin.

You moan quietly as the two of you take sex and turn it to love making. Soft and sweet as he rocks into you and whispers words of love and praise. It makes you feel cherished, you know that he’s not just saying that because you did. Not because he’s inside you. This man loves you and it makes happy tears fill your eyes as you hold him tight.

He moves slow, in no rush despite the frenzy earlier. He wants you to enjoy every second of this. His hand sliding up to squeeze your breast as he shifts his weight onto one elbow so he can touch you. There’s no more words, just feelings as he rocks into you, your legs lifting higher up on his hips.

Marcus can barely breathe, let alone speak. He grunts, sighs, and leans in to press his lips to yours. His tongue sliding into your mouth to languidly kiss you. He can’t believe how lucky he is that you are his and he is yours. Never did he imagine he’d find the love of his life so soon in college but he’s glad he did. He wants to keep you forever. His hand shifts from your breast and slides down between you so he can rub your clit.

“Oh God, Marcus.” You moan, rocking your hips up to meet his hand and thrusts. “So good baby, fuck, I love you so much.” You kiss and suck on his neck, leaving a mark that you are sure will be visible for days, but you have to claim him as yours. “Gonna cum baby.”

Your gasp has him pushing deeper inside of you, desperate for you to cum. He keeps the same rhythm that has you gasping and his fingers rub your clit. "Cum for me, love. Cum for me." He pleads, wanting to feel it and his own orgasm is imminent.

You keen when you start to come apart. Shaking as your cunt locks down around him on the next thrust and you soak him in waves of your fluids. Chanting his name as if it’s the only word in the world. Knowing that you want your future to be with him as he holds you close.

"Fuck. Yes baby. Oh God." Marcus pants when you clamp down on him, soaking him, and he bites his lip, thrusting a little faster as he seeks his own orgasm. He should last, make you cum again, but your confession has him on edge. He groans and buries his face in your neck, his cock buried deep as he cums, painting your walls with his seed.

“Fuck baby.” You whimper, closing your eyes in pure bliss when you feel him flood your womb. It’s crazy, stupid and not something you need, but for a brief second you wish he was getting you pregnant. That you were going to have his baby. It’s insane to think about and you quickly push it away. “I love you.” You whisper again, happy you can say it out loud now.

“I love you.” He murmurs, shifting to kiss you again while his cock pulses inside of you. He feels like he’s on fire and he can’t seem to get close enough to you. You’re everything to him and he knows he’s going to marry you one day. You are the rest of his life. He pulls out of you and shifts onto his back, bringing you into his chest. “I - I wrote a song for you.” He whispers, heart pounding still from both his orgasm and nerves.

Your head shoots up and you look at him in surprise. “You did?” Your hand that is on his chest seems to curl in, wanting to hold onto him. “What’s it about, sing it to me.” You demand, wanting to know what sort of song he would write for you.

Marcus shifts, grabbing the guitar he has propped up in the corner and he plucks the strings for a moment to make sure it’s in tune. He exhales and looks at you, “I love you baby.” He promises and starts to play, his eyes closed as he concentrates and the lyrics begin a few moments later.

Sitting up, you don’t bother to cover your breasts, knowing that it doesn’t matter when it’s the two of you. You listen, with your heart in your eyes and absorb the words that he has created for you. Falling in love with him a little more with every word.

He finishes the song, his hand pausing over the strings as he takes a moment before he looks up to see your reaction. You have tears in your eyes and he worries you didn’t enjoy it. “I- was it - do you like it?” He asks, voice wavering with his nerves.

Surging forward, the covers fall off your lap. Launching yourself at him and trapping his guitar between you so you can press your lips to his desperately. “I loved it.” You promise, giggling happily, almost drunk off the feeling of being in love with him. “I love you. Oh god, you have to make a tape of it for me, so I can always have it.”

Marcus smiles against your lips, so relieved and happy you loved it. “Of course, baby. I’ll make you a tape.” He promises, shifting back so he can set the guitar back on the stand and he reaches for you, pulling you into his arms. “I love you.” He murmurs, burying his nose in your hair to breathe you in.

Marcus curls around you, his face buried in your neck, and he closes his eyes. It doesn’t take long for him to fall asleep, loving how warm you are against him and he dreams of a life together. Of having kids with you, a home, a dog. The whole nine yards.

****

“Yeah, you know Marcus. He’s great.” You tuck your phone against your shoulder as you look through the rack of dresses. He had told you that he wanted to talk you out somewhere special this weekend and to make sure that you were dressed fancy. Well, as fancy as college kids get, but you are excited. “He probably wants to celebrate saying ‘I love you’, and that’s so fucking sweet. I’m telling you girl, I’m so fucking lucky.”

He steps into the store, glancing around at the crowd and he knows that she’s in the changing room. Her location said so. He steps through the racks, making his way into the ladies changing room and pulls out the gun with the silencer. When she steps out to look in the mirror, he wastes no time shooting her, twice in the chest, once in the head. So quick she barely even registers his presence and he grabs the sunglasses and hat from his jacket, turning it inside out to change his clothing and that’s when you step out. You see her on the floor, blood pouring from her and you look up at the man, his face visible after taking off his hoodie and you scream. He raises the gun, about to shoot you for being a witness but then he hears the commotion of people hearing your scream and he needs to get out of the store before the doors are locked. He rushes off and escapes through the crowds who are panicking when they heard your scream. He can’t risk being caught. He won’t get paid. He memorizes your face and knows he has to find you. He can’t be tied to the crime if there are no witnesses.

****

“I didn’t see where he went. No, I didn’t know him. I didn’t know her.” You tell the detectives again. “But I am telling you that it was this man.” You point to the photo you had picked out of the line up they had given you. It’s been hours, taken down to the station when the police had arrived, you had been shown into the shabby, dreary room and given a single cup of disgusting coffee. “Can I leave now? I just want to call my boyfriend and go home.”

The officers glance at each other, knowing there’s nothing more you can do since you have told them the man who did it. “Fine. You can go.” They say, “but call us if you remember anything else.” He hands you his card and you nod, making your way out of the station. Once you’re on the road, you decide to head straight over to Marcus’s place and when you’re on the back road, you wince when you see the bright lights from the car behind you.

“Go around me, asshole.” You huff under your breath and tap your brakes twice. The car gets closer and then back off, blinding you again and making you hiss. The guy is riding your ass and it’s pissing you off. “Fucking pass me!” You yell, happy when the car revs its engine and you think he’s going to pass. Until your car jolts forward and you realize the crazy bastard has hit you. “What the fuck!”

He revs his engine again, hitting your car once more and you cry out, starting to get scared. His lights are still bright in your rear view mirror and he hits you again, making you skid as you lose control of the car.

Your car spins into the guardrail and the old metal gives way, sending your car down into the embankment of the tiny creek you had been about to cross. Screaming, you see your life flash before your eyes and then nothing but blackness.

He pulls over, wanting to check that you’re dead but just as he starts to pull over, there’s a car coming towards him who pulls over to help you. He speeds off, knowing he can’t risk getting out and he is certain that you’re dead. You have to be. The stranger saw everything and manages to get the plate, writing it on their hand before they get out to see if you’re alive. Thankfully, they have a cell phone and manage to call 911 when they find you unconscious and bleeding, the airbags deployed.

****

“I don’t understand.” Marcus frowns as he looks at his phone, his call going straight to voicemail again. He’s been trying to call you all night and you aren’t answering. He’s worried, you had plans to meet up for dinner tonight and you never showed or messaged him.

“She’s gonna be okay, man. Her phone probably died. She doesn’t charge it for days.” He reminds Marcus who nods, biting his lip. “Yeah. True.” He sighs and glances out of the window, his heart pounding as he imagines all the bad things that could’ve possibly happened to you and he decides to phone the police if you aren’t here or call him within the hour.

****

The first thing you see when you blink is doctors hovering over you. Your name is called and your brow scrunches. “Wha-what happened?” You groan and immediately another face appears in front of you. The detective that you had seen just a few minutes ago at the police station. “What- you?”

The detective shakes his head, “I feared something like this would happen.” He says your name and you frown in confusion at the look on his face. “The man we are looking for is in a notorious crime circle. We worry that he will find you again and kill you because you’re the only witness to his crime. We need to put you into witness protection.”

"What? No, no, I have a date with my boyfriend." You blurt out, not even absorbing what the detective is telling you. "We just said 'I love you'. He's going to be so worried about me. Can I call Marcus? I need to call Marcus."

The detective shakes his head, “I’m sorry. No. We don’t know if they are tapping the lines. Your boyfriend might be in danger and it’s best if he doesn’t know anything about what happened. You need to move. We will arrange everything.” The detective promises, “this is for your safety. Your life is in danger. As soon as we catch him and you testify, he’s in jail. You can’t risk your life, sweetheart.”

You argue with the detective for an hour, until he shows you the pictures of the people the man after you had murdered. Gruesome photos, including a wife and daughter. That’s when you agree and reluctantly check out against medical advice and let the detective lead you away.

****

It’s been days since Marcus heard from you. He’s frantic, your parents don’t know where you are. No one seems to know and the police are dismissing him, saying you’ve likely run off. “She wouldn’t do that. She’s not like that.” He argued but they wouldn’t file a missing person report. He is exhausted, hasn’t slept, and he’s been driving around trying to find you but your apartment is how you left it and your roommate is worried too.

“Marcus, I don’t know what the hell is going on.” Tisha opens the door and lets him in. “All of her stuff is here, she’s not in class, her job hasn’t heard from her. It’s like she’s dropped off the face of the planet.” She rubs her hands over her arms. “I’m worried, especially after that murder at the outlet.”

“I don’t know. She - you know she isn’t like this. I don’t understand. I’m terrified. She’s - fuck - I don’t know what to do.” He sits down, head in his hands as he struggles to figure out what to do. He’s been driving around town for days trying to find you. He’s called everyone you know. No one has seen you. It’s like you’ve disappeared from the planet and his heart breaks when he wonders if you’ve left him, decided you didn’t love him or something changed within you and you’ve left him.

****

Fifteen Years Later:

  Living under a new name, having a new life, was supposed to make your life easy. You chew your lip as you sit in your office and wait. The art business was supposed to be low key. Under the radar. You are just a small gallery, although you carried some big name pieces, you are never pictured on the website. Still living under an alias, you know your identity will hold up under light scrutiny, but it still makes you nervous. It’s been a long time, nearly a year, since your handler had called you, letting you know there still is a vague contract out on your life from the asshole you had put behind bars so long ago.

****

“Pike.” Marcus answers his phone, rubbing his forehead as he stares at the file. 

“Sir, there’s been another robbery.” His junior agent tells him and he sighs, “I’ll be right there. Send me the address.” He says and hangs up,getting his keys and he’s soon in the car driving to the address he was texted. 

When he arrives, the police are already there and he introduces himself to the detective. “The gallery manager is right through here.” The detective says and Marcus makes his way into the gallery. When the officer says the alias name, Marcus looks at you and his jaw drops, your real name coming out of his mouth..

Your name, your real name, hasn’t been said in so long that it takes you a moment to respond. The ghost from your past, the man you thought you would never see again and always regretted that, stands in front of you looking like he’s seen his own ghost. Maybe he has. You panic and shake your head. “I’m sorry. I don’t know that person.” You tell him, praying he doesn’t cause a scene, although you know you have to call Marshal Smith now that your identity has been blown. Your life will be completely uprooted and you had liked working in the art gallery. You tell him your cover name, the one you’ve lived with for the past fifteen years.

Marcus stares at you, knowing he’s not mistaking your face. You’re older, more refined, but he’d know those eyes anywhere. “I- no. No. It’s - it’s been fifteen years. It’s you.” He insists, shaking his head.

“I’m afraid you have the wrong person.” You tell him again, wondering how the hell sweet Marcus Pike became an FBI agent. You repeat your new name again for him with a tolerant smile. “Now, what questions do you have for me agent…Pike, was it?”

He shakes his head again, “no. No. I- fuck. It’s you. It’s gotta be you.” He chokes, getting frustrated. “I thought - I thought you left me. Fuck. I - I can’t do this.” He says to his partner and he rushes out of the gallery.

Your heart breaks, the look on his face was one of pure distress and you swallow harshly. “Let me go see if I can clear this up.” You tell the other agent and the detective. You can see they are curious and you know that it doesn’t matter now. Your life here is over. You hurry after Marcus and see him pacing outside. “Marcus!”

He turns away from you, “don’t. Don’t come near me.” He growls, angry with you. “Don’t - you left. You left me. Don’t - don’t play dumb. I’m not interested in your bullshit answers, okay? The change of name. Don’t - you left me. You left town. Disappeared. And now you want to pretend you’re not who I know you to be?”

He rails at you and you close your eyes at the anguish in his voice. The pain, the fear, the heartbreak of those early years coming back to you quickly. “I- I didn’t want to-“ you start to explain but he cuts you off. 

“I don’t want to hear it! You left without the decency to break it off. I thought you were dead.” He is nearly shouting out on the street next to a drab government vehicle and you huff. 

“I am in WitSec, Marcus!”

His eyes widen in shock, “what? You- when-? I- shit. When did you- how?” He stammers, trying to figure out what the hell happened and he needs answers. Now. The years of wondering what happened to you, what he did wrong, what he could’ve done differently.

Glancing around nervously, you lower your voice. “The day I disappeared, I saw something I shouldn’t have.” You explain, quickly telling him about the murder you had walked in on. 

Marcus is shocked. You witnessed a murder. The murder that happened at the outlet mall. You called your friend - the last person you spoke to - to talk about going out for dinner with Marcus. It makes sense. It fits. Your eyes aren’t lying to him. “I- shit. Seriously?” He asks breathlessly and you nod. He knows how the system works, and dealt with enough witnesses to know you’ll be sent across the country. “I won’t tell anyone. No one will know that you’re here. I promise.

You don’t have to tell the Marshal dealing with your case.”

You shouldn’t, you know you shouldn’t, but you like this life here. And it’s such a relief to know that someone knows who you really are. You try to ignore the butterflies in your stomach because it’s Marcus. You’ve never stopped thinking about him. “You can’t use that name.” You caution him. “There’s still a contract out for my life.” You reveal. “It’s dormant, but only because there’s nothing for them to use to find me.”

Marcus nods, saying the fake name and it’s weird, it doesn’t feel right when he rolls it around his tongue. “I - I don't want you to have to uproot your life again. God, it’s been fifteen years. I- I never stopped wondering what happened to you.” He promises. “Do you- uh, do you want to maybe get dinner? Catch up?”

You freeze for a moment, surprised by the offer and find yourself nodding. “Sure.” You bite your lip. “But it should be at my place. Just in case.” You know that Roberta had an old photo of you and Marcus together from college and Marcus has obviously matured since then, but you can’t risk it. You glance around the street, a nervous habit you’ve picked up since being in WitSec, and then back at him. “Tonight? Or…uh, whenever you want.” You offer. “You have a life, I’m sure.”

Marcus chuckles humorlessly, “not so much. I- I was engaged and she - well, it’s a long story but she went off with her partner. She was a fed too.” He explains, biting his lip as he glances around, his dark eyes meeting yours again. “Tonight.” He nods, not wanting to miss out on catching up. He doesn’t want to waste a second in case you disappear again. “You wanna, uh, write down your address? I can bring take out.” He offers, grabbing his notepad.

“Sure.” You take the notepad from him and write down your address and hand it back to him. “Seven?” You ask and he nods. “So, I’m going to go back in there and talk to your partner. Tell him that you are upset you mistook me for someone else. Is that okay?”

Marcus nods, tucking the notepad back into his jacket and he swallows harshly, the sun hitting you and God, you haven’t changed. Not really. Still so goddamn beautiful. He clears his throat and gestures for you to go back inside. “I’ll tell him. We still need your story about the stolen painting.” He reminds you, stepping inside after you. “Sorry man-” He slaps his partner on the arm, “I thought she was some girl I knew in college. She disappeared and it was a shock. Not her. Just me being a dumb prick.” He jokes and his partner narrows his eyes but accepts the excuse. “So…you wanna tell us about the painting?”

Being involved with the US Marshals, you’ve learned to give a lot of detail, knowing any little thing can be important. You go through the story and try to be as clear as possible, knowing the security footage will be watched as well.

Marcus watches his partner jot down your story and eventually it’s time to go. He doesn’t mention meeting you at seven but nods your way so you know he will be there. He hopes you still like Chinese food. He leaves with your face burned behind his eyes and he’s soon pulling up outside your house, Chinese food in hand when he rings the doorbell.

You hurry towards the door, not calling out because of habit and checking the peep hole before opening. “Marcus.” You didn’t realize how nervous you were until you are looking at the man you had to leave behind so many years ago. Smiling slightly, you open the door. “Come in, you found the apartment alright?”

Marcus nods, “it’s tucked back here but I found it. I’m surprised they didn’t put you in a more secure building. Like a high risk with a security guard and coded doors.” Marcus says and you shrug, “they did at first but now…you know how long it’s been.” Marcus nods, his heart twisting with that realization. “I got you egg rolls and orange chicken. I hope you still like that.”

“That’s perfect.” You lock the door behind him and lead him back into the apartment. “Can I get you something to drink?” You ask. “I have beer, water, some wine, tea. Whatever you like.” You’re rambling, but that’s because you are nervous.

"Uh, a beer sounds good." He says, setting the bag down on the counter. God, it's awkward and he hates it. It used to be so easy with you. He used to spend all his time with you and now, it's like starting all over again even though he knows so many intimate details about you. "Plates?" He asks and you point to the cabinet while you get a couple of beers out of the fridge. He grabs the plates and sets them on the counter then gets the containers from the bag.

“So, what do you want to know?” You ask, opening the bottles and handing him one. You know he must have a million questions and it’s fair. You disappeared out of his life without a word and the thought that this might be closure for him runs through your mind.

“Everything.” He says, his eyes widening a little as he stares at you. “I want to know what you’ve been up to.” He urges and takes a sip of his beer. “It’s been so long and you just disappeared.”

“When I witnessed the murder, I was in denial about the danger I was in.” You admit. “I had left the police station and was driving to your apartment when that bastard ran me off the road. I woke up in the hospital and the detective insisted I needed protection.” You bite your lip. “They told me it was better that no one knows. That Roberta was known to use family and friends to flush out his targets. I couldn’t put you in danger. So they moved me across the country and created a new life for me.”

Marcus knows how it works, understands now how criminals work and operate, how they find people. He shudders when he imagines what could've happened if they had found you. You hand him a fork and spoon and he opens the containers of food so you can serve it up. "I - I get it but - at that time...I went out of my mind trying to find you. I tried everyone you knew, your parents...do they know?"

You bite your lip. “I sent them an anonymous post card, about ten years ago.” You admit quietly. “Just something so they would know, hopefully, that I was safe. I know I broke their hearts, but the Marshall’s are incredibly strict. Especially since Roberta is coming up for some new trial soon.”

Marcus nods, “I moved shortly after you went missing. Ended up in the academy after graduating and I couldn’t sleep. Spent so many nights wondering what happened to you. Even looked you up in the system when I could. I missed you so much. My best friend was gone all of a sudden.”

“Marcus, I-“ you sigh softly and if you had felt like you could, you would reach out and touch his hand. “I’m so sorry. I spent so long - years - wishing I could call you. To explain. Wondering how you were.” Your apology doesn’t seem like it’s enough, but it’s all you can give him. “It took me a long time to get over you, to stop mourning what might have been.”

He sighs, knowing exactly what you mean. He mourned the loss of you, his future with you, for far too long. “I- I ended up getting married. About eight years ago. It didn’t - we got divorced. She didn’t want to compete with the ghost of you.” He admits softly, averting his eyes from yours.

“I’m so sorry.” Your heart sinks, twists and aches in a way that is ridiculous. You left. Of course Marcus had moved on, and the rational side of you wanted him to. To hear that he had, and not in a way that turned out happily, it makes you sad. “Oh Marcus, I’m so sorry.” You murmur quietly, “maybe it would have been better if he had just killed me. Then you, my parents, none of you would have spent so long wondering.”

Marcus chokes on the sip of beer he drank, shaking his head. “Absolutely not. No. I - how could you say that? I would rather you be alive than me have closure. I have closure now and you’re alive. Never say that.” He almost growls, pissed off at you for even thinking it. “Did you…have you got anyone?”

You snort and shake your head. “How?” You ask, motioning around to your apartment. “I live a life that - while comfortable - isn’t mine. No one knows who I really am. I can’t make too close of friends, because I might accidentally reveal something from my real past. A lover? For more than a night or two? No. I couldn’t lie to them. My last real relationship was you.”

He hates that you’ve been alone but he’s also secretly pleased that there’s been no one since. He still feels that flutter in his heart when he looks at you. “I have missed you so much, baby.” He murmurs, setting his fork down so he can look at you properly, for the first time in fifteen years, he takes in every detail.

You smile sadly and nod. “I’ve missed you too, Marcus. I promise you.” You huff and send him a slightly embarrassed look. “I was halfway convinced I was going to marry you after we graduated. Have babies and you and your band were gonna be famous while I designed all your merch. It was my little daydream for a long time.” You admit. “Never thought you would become a Fed.”

Marcus smiles sadly back at you, reaching for your hand. “God…I- I didn’t - I would’ve taken that life in a heartbeat. I still would. I was- shit - I was gonna ask you to marry me. When I graduated. I was gonna ask you.”

It’s so bittersweet to think about that you didn’t even catch where he said he still would. Caught up in your fantasies that had kept you sane while you were scared and alone, tears start to trail down your cheeks. You squeeze his hand and try not to sob.

Marcus shifts closer, standing up so he can wrap his arms around you. “It’s okay baby. It’s okay.” He promises, leaning in to kiss your hair. “It’s okay.” His own eyes sting with tears as he mourns the years he lost thinking you were dead.

You lean into his embrace and inhale the scent of him. The cologne has changed, matured, but the baseline is still Marcus. “I- I missed you so much.” You tell him. “I wanted to bring you. Wanted to see if you would come with me, but I couldn’t.”

“I know.” He does know. Only spouses and children. Not boyfriends. He sighs and breathes you in, “I don’t want to miss you again. Can we start again? As friends?” He asks, knowing he can’t push for more after you’ve had such a trauma and he has his own baggage he needs to divulge at some point.

Friends. You don’t want to be his friend but you nod as you pull back. “Friends.” You murmur with a small smile. “Friends should eat.” You need a moment where he’s not touching you so you can remind yourself that he’s not yours anymore. Despite the fact that you still dream about him, the boy you had loved is not the man in front of you. “And as your friend, I have to tell you that you are still gorgeous. I don’t know how you became better looking, but you have.”

Marcus can’t help it. He blushes and you giggle at the way he flushes. “You, uh, you look way better. Like - God, you look gorgeous. Always were but you seem more refined, grown up. You’re gorgeous, baby.” He promises and he settles back down at the counter so he can continue eating.

You finish your meal, sighing happily when then put your fork down and pick up your beer to finish the last swallow. “It’s been a long time since I’ve enjoyed a dinner like that.” You admit, standing so you can start to clean up. “You mentioned an ex wife and an ex fiancée, so anything else going on in your love life?” You ask causally. Just because you hadn’t moved on didn’t mean Marcus hadn’t. And if you were going to be his friend, you should know.

“It’s complicated. I haven’t been seeing anyone since Teresa. She’s my ex. She, uh, I proposed to her and then she dumped me for her partner. She’s a fed too. It set me back so I have been just enjoying my alone time recently. No one - no one seems to capture my attention.” He says, looking up at you.

“Someone will.” You predict. “I bet you are still a complete gentleman, until….” You bite your lip, aware making sexual comments is well beyond appropriate. “Until it’s time not to be.” You finish lamely and turn around to load the dishwasher.

Marcus bites his lip, remembering all the times you used to moan beneath him. He was a fumbling college kid then. He knows what he’s doing now. He wonders if you’d like his matured sexuality. “You know me too well.” He chuckles softly and stands to help you when the doorbell rings.

You turn towards the door, a flash of fear washing over your face. That same dread you get every time the doorbell rings when you aren’t expecting someone. “I’m not expecting anyone.” You tell him, moving towards the corner of the dining room where you keep a baseball bat.

Marcus shakes his head, pushing you back and reaching under his jacket in habit until he realizes he locked his weapon in his glove box. He reaches for the baseball bat and takes it from you, slowly inching towards the door and opening it. He prepares to swing but there’s no one there. He steps into the hallway and sees no one around and he turns to look at you. “No one here.” He says, frowning until he sees the note on the door.

Marcus brings the note taped to the door into the apartment and your heart drops. It’s not a letter from the building, and instinctively you know it’s trouble. “Shit.” You hiss, nearly in tears. “I- open it.” You ask Marcus. “What does it say?”

He walks in and locks the door behind him, setting the bat down so he can open the note. His eyes scan it first and he hisses in frustration. “It says…it says ‘you can’t hide forever. We know where you are. The appeal is coming and you won’t testify again. We will make sure of it’.” Marcus finishes, his blood boiling that someone has put this on your door.

“Oh God.” Your stomach flips and you swear you are about to lose your dinner. “He’s found me. I- I have to call the Marshall.” Your mind whirls and the protocols that have been drilled into your head come to mind. “I’m sorry.” For a moment you pause, hating that you had found Marcus again, only to be pulled away again. You will be relocated, disappear again and forced to live another life completely different from this one. “I wish- I wish things were different.”

Marcus shakes his head, starting to panic at the thought of losing you again. “He only knows that you live here. Take time off of work. Come- come live with me. I can protect you. He doesn’t know where I am. Please, baby. I- I don’t want to lose you again.” He knows you’d be safer moving across the country again but his selfish need to have you back in his life makes him give you a desperate plea to stay with him.

“I- wha-I- what?” You shake your head. “Marcus, I can’t- I can’t put you in danger. Roberta had connections. I- I should have called the Marshal just as soon as you recognized me.” You admit quietly. You had selfishly wanted to spend a little bit of time with him. “I would never forgive myself if you got hurt because of me.”

Marcus shakes his head, “no. I’m a goddamn fed sweetheart. I can protect you. Let me protect you.I don’t - I can’t lose you again.” He says, “I can keep you safe.”

Your heart melts and you look down at the letter. “We will need to call the Marshal assigned to my case.”

Marcus nods, heart sinking that you’re going to leave again. He swallows harshly, feeling the second chance at possibly being with you slip away and it kills him. He hates it. “Uh, yeah. I’ll, um, give you some privacy. Where’s your bathroom?” He asks, needing to pee.

You show him towards the bathroom and pull out your phone to call the number you have. Taking a deep breath, you hope they will let Marcus watch over you. Your heart beats wildly as the phone rings.

Marcus stares in the mirror, his eyes wide as he thinks about losing you again. He barely survived the first time he lost you. He isn’t sure he can do it again. He swallows harshly and washes his hands, making his way back into the living room to hear what the marshal says.

“Marcus Pike. Yes- yes I know that is my old boyfriend.” You repeat on the phone to Marshal Scott. “He’s an FBI agent. He’s working on a break in at my art gallery.” You pause, your eyes sliding to Marcus as he walks back in the room. “No, no the break in was about a painting. I didn’t think I needed to call you. Yes.” You sigh. “I know I should have called you when he recognized me, but I didn’t. I just- I wanted to be me for a little bit.”

Marcus leans against your kitchen counter, not wanting to interrupt and he’s nervous about the answer. He knows how this works and he is worried about you disappearing and him never seeing you again, just like before.

“No. No, don’t do that.” You have been watching Marcus this entire time and you decide you can’t leave. Scott wants to relocate you again, like you had expected. “He’s an FBI agent. He said I could stay at his place.” That’s not exactly what Marcus had said, but your improvising. “Yes, I’m declining a relocate.” Another long pause while Scott reminds you exactly what Roberta had ordered for you. “Yes, I know. I know I’m risking my life.” You sigh and relax. “I’ll call you with the details.”

Marcus relaxes slightly, glad that you aren’t relocating yet. The marshal could change his mind but he agrees to it for now. You hang up the phone and Marcus offers you a reassuring smile. “You wanna come to mine tonight or tomorrow?”

“Can we go tonight?” You ask quietly. “I don’t like the idea they know where I am.” You shiver slightly and look towards your windows, thankfully already shut and covered. “I’m sorry. I should have asked if it was okay first.”

Marcus nods, stepping closer to you to place his hand on your upper arm. “Of course we can.” He assures you, knowing you have to be scared after so long on the run. “Come on baby, go pack what you need. I can always come back with you if you need something you forget.”

You nod and quickly make your way into the bedroom so you can pack a bag. You’ll have to close the gallery, but that has already been planned because of the break in. At your underwear drawer, you bite your lip, chastising yourself as you throw some lingerie in it. Knowing that it won’t be used, but you can’t help but want to feel a little sexy around the love of your life.

When you come back out, Marcus is already checking the vicinity outside of your window, discreetly looking for any out of place cars or people. “I think it’s clear but you need to stay close to me. We will get your car tomorrow, it needs to be checked and I don’t want them to have put a tracker on it and us not notice and lead them right to you.” He explains and you nod. “You got everything?” He asks. You nod again and he gestures for you to shift behind him. “Stay five paces behind me.”

Your eyes widen at how direct and professional he is. It’s a turn on if you are honest and he transforms from the sweet man you have loved since you were twenty, to a steely eyed agent in front of your eyes. Staying five steps behind him, you stop when he stops and watch as he scans the parking lot before hustling you to his car.

Marcus pushes you into his car and grabs your bag to put it in the trunk before he makes his way to the driver's side. He gets in and checks his surroundings before he’s pulling away from your apartment complex. “I’ll take the long way home. Looping around just in case someone follows.” He explains and he turns the radio off, wanting to concentrate. “How many times have you moved?” He asks? Wanting to know.

“Four.” You admit, nervously glancing behind you every twenty seconds. “They found me once right after they arrested Roberta. Then they followed the agents when I testified. And once more when an old high school friend ended up being in the same town.” You bite your lip. “When they followed the agents, they killed them.” You don’t want that to happen to Marcus. “Maybe it’s better if you put me in a hotel.”

Marcus shakes his head, fingers tightening on the steering wheel. “No. No. I’m not sending you off. I- I can’t do that. I can’t - I’d never see you again. I know I’m being selfish but I can keep you safe. You just have to listen to everything I tell you.” He says, “I don’t want to lose you.”

Listening to him ramble, you realize how much your disappearance affected him. “I’m so sorry.” You murmur quietly, wanting to reach out and touch him, but it would distract him. “Am I-“ you break off and then take a breath. “Why did you go into the FBI, Marc?” You ask softly. You don’t want to assume that you are the reason that he changed his career goals, but it was a bit of a stretch from music and business - to appease his parents - to being an FBI agent.

Marcus sighs, biting his lip for a moment before he responds back to you. “I- I was so desperate to find you when you disappeared. Just to know what happened. If you were dead or if I did something wrong. I wanted to have closure so I figured that becoming a cop would get me access but I decided to go further and become a fed. Went to Quantico and even when I graduated and started my first job, I couldn’t find you in the system. Business wasn’t going to get me answers. Music certainly wasn’t.”

“I - I’m so sorry.” You can never apologize enough, and you can only hope that his job fulfills him. That he enjoys the work he does. “I wish I had gotten to talk to you one last time before I left. I begged them, cried for weeks and they even had to hospitalize me because I was so sick from crying. My entire world was gone and it nearly killed me.”

Marcus swallows harshly, hating to hear that. “Sweetheart, I wish - there’s so much I would change but I like my job. I like helping people and putting bad guys away. It’s fulfilling and I can help change peoples lives. I wish- I wish it was me who was sent away. I would’ve traded places with you in a heartbeat.”

“This life has been hard, Marc.” You shake your head. “It’s lonely and I wouldn’t wish that on you. You are too social. You like being around people, talking to people too much. And your parents…..” you had loved how welcoming his parents were when you met them. It would have killed them to lose their only child.

He wishes he could turn back the clock. Stop you going to that damn outlet mall and keep you safe with him so he wouldn't have missed you for fifteen years. Marcus nods, knowing he would’ve found it hard but he would’ve done it if it meant keeping you safe. “I - I could’ve dealt with it.” He says, shifting his hands on the steering wheel. “I love - I loved you so much.” He murmurs, pulling into his community.

“I loved you too.” It’s easy to admit, even if all those old feelings are rushing back with astonishing speed. Not that you ever really fell out of love with him. You admire the neat brick of the stately townhomes. “Wow, you found one here?” You ask, knowing that you had never managed to find anything close to this when you had been looking.

Marcus smiles, “yeah. I…I was supposed to move in here with my fiancé but- that one. Yeah. I- I envisioned having a family here and it didn’t happen but it is what it is.” He says, sounding a little sad but he can’t help but mourn a life he could’ve had.

“I’m sorry.” It hurts to think of Marcus with someone else, but it's been fifteen years. You don’t have any claim on him. “Hopefully one day you will have the life you want. I would just love to use my name. My real name. It seems like getting married and having kids is the dream of another life. I used to look forward to it, but now?” You shrug. “Life hasn’t turned out the way either of us wanted it seems.”

Marcus nods, "I know." He murmurs and he kills the engine of his car. "Shall we go inside?" He asks, wondering if you are ready. "I'm gonna get out first and make sure there's no one in the vicinity and then I will get you in, then grab your bag." He says, leaving no room for argument when it comes to your safety.

You nod, watching as he steps out of the car and you clutch your purse. It’s overwhelming, watching his dark eyes roam over the parking lot and then he walks over to you and opens the door. He’s professional, but there’s more to it, this is personal for him and it makes you shiver. Feeling for the first time in fifteen years like you might be safe.

When Marcus opens his front door, he disarms it and locks the door behind you, telling you to wait there while he checks his home hasn’t been found. After sweeping the home, he comes back into the hallway and nods, “all clear.” He says and you make your way into his home.

Marcus’ home is exactly what you would imagine adult Marcus to have. Neat and clean, the furniture is a bit on the masculine side but there are touches of softness. A three wick candle on the coffee table, a soft looking throw over the back of the leather sofa. Comforting and inviting. You wipe your hands on your pants and sigh.

“I hope you like it here. I’m sorry it’s basic. It’s just me.” He chuckles awkwardly. “I can show you to the guest room. Let me grab your bag. I’ll lock the door on my way out.” He says and makes his way back down the hall.

You look around the living room and step into the dining room and kitchen as he opens the front door. Curious about how he lived. You open the fridge door and chuckle, not seeing much and guessing that Marcus still prefers to have someone else cook for him. He wasn’t very good at it. At least he wasn’t when you were together. Though he had all the proper cookware. Cooking had become a hobby of yours, something you could do alone. You close the door and your head turns towards the door as it opens again. Tense and hoping it’s Marcus.

He walks in with your bag, licking the door behind him, alarming the alarm system. He guides you along to his spare room, opening the door. “Hopefully it’s okay.” He says shyly, offering you a soft smile.

“It’s perfect.” It could be the couch for all you care, it’s the thought that counts. Marcus is taking you into his home. “Thank you, Marc.” Reaching out and touching his shoulder, you give him a grateful smile. “I know you didn’t have to do this. Is there any way we could have some groceries delivered? Let me cook for you to thank you?”

Marcus smiles, “yeah. I’d love that. We can arrange for groceries to be delivered.” He promises and shrugs, “I’m still as bad a cook as I ever was. It would be nice to have some home cooked meals for a change. Takeout has me doing more morning runs.” He playfully taps his stomach.

“Whatever.” You scoff, rolling your eyes. “You’re hotter now than you were back then.” You blurt out, feeling your face burn when you realize you said that out loud. It could be wrong, but you don’t think so. Not when Marcus suddenly ducks his head and you swear you see him blush some. “I’m assuming I’m staying here until the threat is gone?” You ask. “No work?”

He nods, “no work. We can’t risk them finding you there.” He says and you sigh but concede. “For the record, you have always been gorgeous. Even more so now.” He says, biting his lip and hoping he didn’t overstep.

“And you still know how to make a girl feel like the only one in the world.” You murmur quietly, stepping closer to him and wishing that it hadn’t been fifteen years since you had last seen him. “Do you know how much that affects a girl?”

Marcus blushes slightly, feeling like a college kid again despite a divorce and a failed engagement. He’s been around the block and he is scared to screw things up, especially when he has to keep you safe. He clears his throat and reaches for your hand to squeeze it. “I have missed you, sweetheart.”

“If it’s not something you want, or you can’t, let me know.” You start off, deciding that you want to take a leap and see if Marcus still wants you. “But…” you step closer. “If I have to be in your house, protected by you….” You smirk and bite your lip. “Wouldn’t I be safest in your bed?”

Marcus swallows harshly, a little nervous but his cock is already hardening at the thought of having you in his arms. He steps closer until his chest is pressed against yours. “I think that would probably be best.” He agrees, “that way I can ensure your well-being.” He murmurs, his eyes darting down to your lips. He knows he’s crossing so many professional lines but fuck, he wants you. “I shouldn’t but-” He surges forward to press his lips to yours, unable to stop himself.

You moan into the kiss, immediately tangling your fingers into his hair and tugging on it like you used to. In an instant, you feel like you are in your twenties again, hopelessly in love and needing your boyfriend. “Marcus.” You whimper, pulling back so you can push his jacket off his shoulders and pause when you see his gun. “Take me to your bed and make love to me.”

He groans, reluctantly pulling back and he takes your hand, guiding you to his bedroom. He flicks the lamp on and works on removing his gun, checking the safety and setting it down on his nightstand before he shrugs out of the holster. He pulls his tie off and reaches for you, grabbing the hem of your shirt to pull it out of your skirt, wanting to touch you after so many years. “God, you’re still so fucking gorgeous.” He murmurs, his eyes drinking you in when you are in your bra.

Your fingers work the buttons of his dress shirt, trying to remember the last time you had been this excited to sleep with someone. You’ve had lovers over the years, the physical needs making it almost certain you would have them, but no one had ever compared to Marcus. “Fuck,” you can see the tent he’s starting to sport, obviously still a boxers man.

Marcus fumbles to unclasp your bra, needing to touch you and when you drop your arms to let him pull it off of you after you push his shirt down his arms, his hands immediately cup your tits. “Have these gotten bigger?” He asks, squeezing them and massaging them.

“Yes.” Your eyes flutter closed as he touches you, managing to blindly push his shirt over shoulders that seem broader than they used to be. He’s in an undershirt, of course he is, and you love it. “I’m bigger.” You joke.

He shakes his head and reluctantly releases you so he can pull his shirt over his head with one hand. Once it’s fluttering to the floor, he’s reaching for you and pulling you against him so he can feel your skin on his. “Forgot how beautiful your tits are.” He says and leans down to kiss along your neck.

“Fuck Marc.” You moan, tilting your head back so he can kiss more of your skin. “You always were a tits man.” You tease him, reaching between you to squeeze his hard cock through his suit trousers.

He groans into your skin, inhaling the sweet scent that’s purely you. Burned into his memory from all those years ago and it’s like coming home. His lips kiss along your chest until he’s taking your nipple into his mouth, his hands caressing your back and sliding down to squeeze your ass as he hunches over you.

Gasping out in pleasure, you pull him towards your breast. Enjoying the way that he suckles and bites, the way he’s remembered how you like to be touched. He switches over to the other breast and he slides his hand around you to start unbuttoning your pants.

Marcus works fast to push your skirt down your legs, groaning your name as he exposes your underwear and he kneels, pushing his nose against your mound. “God, I forgot how good you smell.” He groans and hooks his fingers in the cotton, dragging them down and you kick your panties aside after kicking your shoes off of your feet. Marcus dives back in, his nose pressing into your folds as his tongue slides through them, tasting you for the first time in fifteen years.

“Marc!” Your cry is strangled, almost choked out as you grasp for anything to keep you upright. Hand slapping against the wall as you remember exactly why you loved Marcus’ tongue so much. His skills have only improved with time and you moan when he flicks his tongue over your clit expertly.

His fingers curl around your leg, lifting it into his shoulder so he can get deeper into your pussy. His tongue pushing deep and he groans your name. “Fuck baby. So good.” He murmurs into your flesh when he pulls back for a moment, “always tasted so good.” He dives back in and slides his tongue through your folds, sucking your clit into his mouth.

Having Marcus eat you out is like a gift from God. Most men are lazy with it, or refuse to go down on someone even though they expect a blowjob. Marcus eats pussy like he was born to do it, like it’s his favorite sport in the world. Making you shiver when he groans into your folds and your leg trembles as he pushes you closer to cumming.

He pushes you further into the wall, keeping you upright and his hand slides along your leg and up your body to squeeze your tit, pinching your nipple and his other hand slides between your legs, pushing two fingers inside of you with a groan. He desperately wants you to cum for him now.

“Oh fuck, Marc baby, baby, I’m gonna cum.” You moan, your head hitting the wall with a thud and your entire body lurches forward. “Shit, gonna- gonna cum.” Your walls clench down on him and you wail his name as you soak his fingers.

Marcus hisses into your flesh as you clamp down on his fingers, soaking them, and he sucks on your clit a little harder, wanting to absorb every second of your orgasm after so many years apart. His fingers pump inside of you and he pulls his mouth away when you start to shove on his hair and he tilts his head up so he can watch you as you cum.

Desperate little gasps rip out of your throat as he keeps your body jerking and twitching for him. Knowing exactly where to press inside you cunt in order to push another sob out of you. Your eyes are closed and you start chanting his name. “Marc, Marc, Marc baby, please.”

He wants you to cum again. His fingers keep pressing and pushing inside of you, his lips kissing along your thigh and he presses his thumb against your clit. “So good for me baby.” He murmurs, needing you to cum for him.

Your eyes spring open when you realize he wants you to roll straight into a second orgasm. “Fuck!” You squeal, feeling your walls bear down on his fingers again and your body shakes as you come apart.

His fingers curl and he kisses your stomach as he enjoys the way your walls are fluttering around his fingers. He adds a third, stretching you out and his thumb rubs your clit a little harder, “so pretty. Never forgot how pretty you are like this.”

“Marcus.” You groan. “I need you.” You reach down and try to pull him up so you can kiss him. “I want you inside me.” You beg. “I have an IUD and it’s been over a year since I’ve been with anyone. More like two.”

“Cum on my fingers and I’ll fuck you.” He promises, kissing your stomach again and his free hand reaches for yours to grip it. “Cum for me again.” He pleads, wanting to see you do it.

“Three?” You gasp out, holding onto his hand like a lifeline as you try to stay upright. Your leg threatens to give out as he continues to pump his fingers into you deep and precise. Pressing against that special spot again. Your breath echoes in your ears until stars burst behind your eyes and you scream out his name.

He nearly loses it when you cum again, clamping down on his fingers and he works you through it until you are slumping over him. He withdraws his fingers, surging forward to press his lips to yours as your leg is still wrapped around his waist as he presses you against the wall while his tongue tangled with yours.

You moan, tasting yourself on his tongue and not minding it one bit. Wrapping your arms around him and pulling him close. Needing to feel him against you as he presses you into the wall.

Marcus needs you. He scrambles to pull you along with him and soon he’s laying you down on his bed, working on his pants to push them down. He groans in relief at finally having his cock free and you whimper in response at seeing it again. He kicks off his shoes and hops out of his pants, eventually ending up kneeling on the bed.

“God, I missed you.” You whisper, drinking in the sight of him. He’s filled out, not quite as skinny as he was in college. Broader and stronger and he still turns you on more than any other man you’ve ever been with. “Come to me, baby.” You reach out for him, wanting to feel him again.

Marcus can’t deny you anymore. He shifts between your legs, his chest heaving as he grips his cock and notches himself at your entrance. His dark eyes meet yours in the lamplight as he starts to push inside of you. Shifting to his forearms so he can press his lips to yours.

It’s overwhelming and perfect. Your lips melting against his as the girth of him stretches you out. Filling you perfectly like you’ve never been able to replicate with anyone else. Your eyes flutter closed and all you can do is moan your pleasure.

He slides his tongue against yours, enjoying the way you seem to melt beneath him. There’s so much he wants to say but he can’t. He can’t tell you how much he loves you when he can show you. He moves his hips, setting a slow place, his lips shifting to kiss down your neck.

Instead of being frantic and rushed, you find the pace turning slow and steady. Making you groan as you start to rock you hips in rhythm with him. Your fingers caress his back and you feel the muscles dance underneath the skin. “Marcus.”

He should be frantic but after so many years without you, he just needs to feel all of you. He moans your name into your skin, his cock twitching inside of you when your nails dig into his back when he hits something deep inside of you. “Missed you. Missed this so much.” He murmurs, his heart pounding in his chest.

“I missed you too, baby.” You promise him, closing your eyes and smiling as he moans again. “Fuck, I - I love you.” You confess. “I’ve never stopped, it’s always been you.”

Marcus swears his heart stops at that moment. “Always been you.” He echoes, “I love you. I love you. Baby, I love you.” He declares breathlessly and his pace gets a little faster with his need to see and hear you fall apart beneath him again.

Wrapping your legs around his waist, you moan his name again. “I love you.” You pant. “Marcus, I love you. Oh, it’s so good.” Your nails dig into his shoulders and your cunt squeezes him tight. “Baby, I’m gonna cum.”

You gasp and he keeps the pace and thrust of his hips the same, not wanting to change when you tell him you’re about to cum. He wants to feel it. He wants to feel you soak him again. “That’s it sweetheart. Do it. Cum for me.”

You want to stay in this moment forever. The way that his body is slick with sweat and his grunts as he rocks into you. The warmth of his breath washing over your skin and the throbbing of the veins in his cock against your walls. Still, he had begged you to cum and that’s all you can. Your body primed for it and the next thrust as your back arching and your cry ripping from your throat.

“Fuck.” Marcus pants when you clamp down on his cock. It’s so good and he loves it. He loves everything about this moment. It’s more than anything he’s experienced since you disappeared from his life. Even his marriage could never have lived up to this. He groans, knowing he should try and make you cum again but the emotions are too much and he’s soon pushing deep inside of you, cock twitching as he paints your walls with his hot seed.

Once he collapses on top of you, you can’t help but giggle. Relief, joy and happiness all roll together to make you try to catch your breath while you stroke his back and kiss his shoulder and neck. “God. I have to be dreaming.” You giggle. “This is the best dream and I don’t want to wake up.”

Marcus shifts onto his back, bringing you with him and his cock is softening inside of you. His hands rubbing your back. “Me neither. I never want to lose you again.” He murmurs, eyes closed as he breathes you in.

You hum in agreement, unable to believe that you are back in his arms and you close your eyes. Relaxing into a deep sleep, finally feeling safe for the first time in fifteen years.

Marcus holds you as you fall asleep, not able to fall asleep just yet and he shifts carefully to lay you down. You stir without his heat but he’s quick to cover you up. He sneaks into the bathroom, wetting a rag to clean you up and covers you with the duvet again. He checks the windows and doors, making sure the home is secure and the alarm is set before he grabs two bottles of water and sets one down on the nightstand for you. He slides under the covers and you immediately reach for him, curling into his chest. Wrapping his arms around you, he breathes you in and closes his eyes; deciding then and there that he will do whatever it takes to keep you safe.

****

Glancing at the clock as you stir, you wonder when Marcus will be home. Grinning to yourself as you realize that you think of this townhouse as home. It’s only been a few days, but if you are scared, you don’t feel like it. You’ve been puttering around the house when he has to leave, curling up with him when he’s here. It’s been magical and it makes you yearn for the life you would have had together if you hadn’t been put into witness protection.

Marcus is exhausted, rubbing his forehead as he stares at the latest security footage where he’s trying to find Roberta. On top of trying to find the art thief, he’s personally working to try and find the gang making you conceal from the world. He feels guilty that he’s loved having you in his home, coming home to you every night. It’s like living a fantasy of what if he had proposed and you hadn’t disappeared. He loves it. He loves you. It’s hard to remind himself that you’re in danger and he has to help you otherwise it could be your life. He glances at the clock and decides to call it a day, wanting to go home to you.

The table is set and there’s a bottle of wine open to breathe. It might be a little over the top for a Tuesday night, but you have nothing else to do but work on some recipes that you have been wanting to try. A little romantic and it pairs well with the lingerie that you had decided to put on under your dress. Feeling a little like a 1950’s housewife when you hear the designated three raps on the door to say that Marcus is home.

Marcus unlocks the door, disarming the alarm and resetting it with his entrance and he makes sure the door is locked behind him before he sets his briefcase down and makes his way into the kitchen. “Hey sweetheart. God, that smells good.” He groans, looking over at the stove and he reaches for you, dragging you into his chest so he can press his lips to yours.

“Hey.” You light up when you see him again. “I hope you’re hungry.”

“Starving. I can eat too.” He teases, smirking at you and you giggle and slap his chest. “I love you.” He murmurs, nudging his nose against yours, “can’t believe I get to come home to you every night.” He confesses, “feels like a goddamn dream and I’m gonna wake up at some point.”

“I do too.” You agree softly, your hand sliding down to caress his cheek. “It’s been such a treat, as horrible as that sounds. I know I can’t go outside and my life is in danger, but I get to have you.” You lean in and kiss him softly. “How was your day, baby?”

“Don’t worry baby. I’m gonna find him. I’ll make sure you’re safe.” He promises, leaning in to kiss you softly again. “Day was…laborious. I was going over the security footage and files for both cases and I- I am trying to run through accounts but the bureaucracy slows me down.” He confesses with a frown.

“Then it sounds like a good meal and a relaxing night is just.” You kiss his chin. “What.” Your lips brush his cheek. “You.” Another to his nose. “Need.” You smirk as you kiss his lips. “I’m thinking that after you eat, you need a nice, long, luxurious blow job to put you at ease.”

Marcus chuckles, his hands sliding down to squeeze your ass. “You’re too good to me, baby.” He shakes his head, “as long as I get to eat you out too.” He murmurs, leaning in to kiss along your jaw just as the timer for your cooking goes off. He smacks your ass, “I’ll pour the wine and I’m doing the washing up. You are gonna relax after.” He insists, shrugging off his jacket to hang it in the hallway before he comes back in to get the bottle of wine.

You would protest, but you’ve cleaned as you cooked, so there’s only the final dish and the plates that would need to be cleaned up. You rush to plate up dinner and admire him as he rolls up his sleeves to pour the wine after he pulls off his tie. It’s a nice night, the two of you and a good meal, some wine and continuing to learn about each other’s lives while you’ve been apart. “Oh, before I forget, I called Scott today. Checked in. He’s still not happy, but he says you have been keeping them in the loop, so he’s content to leave me here.”

Marcus nods, setting the wine bottle down. “I know he’s not happy but it is what it is. We haven’t had any notes or any threats since you’ve been here. We’ve had a man outside your place since you left and they haven’t seen any activity. I think you’re safe. No, I know you’re safe.” He tries to assure you, “and I swear to you I’ll find the bastard and his team.”

“I know you will.” You’ve learned a lot about his career and exactly how good of an agent Marcus is. “I’m honestly-“ you shrug. “I’m happy right here. I know I’m probably intruding on your personal space, but I’ve been as relaxed as I could possibly be, given that someone is trying to kill me.” You joke.

Marcus shakes his head, reaching for you. “There’s nowhere else I want you to be than right here with me. I was selfish. You’d be safer across the country but I - I couldn’t lose you again. I love you so much.” He says, leaning in to kiss your forehead again.

Marcus chuckles, letting go of you so you can both sit down to eat. He groans at the sight of the meal you’ve cooked and his stomach rumbles. “I gotta get bigger pants. I haven’t eaten this good since I left my mom’s house.” Marcus chuckles, picking up the serving spoon. “You are too good to me.” He murmurs, looking up to meet your gaze and he serves your plate first.

“Not with all the exercise you’ve been getting.” You tease, sending him a small wink. Every night Marcus has exhausted you. Fucking you in every room of this townhouse and almost every surface with his insatiable appetite for you. Both of you collapse into bed to sleep in each other's arms. It’s like you’re twenty again. “Still sexy and fit.”

He can’t help but flush as he serves himself and sets the spoon down. “The exercise has been keeping me fit.” He says while blushing and he reaches for the glass of wine. “To still being sexy and fit.” He toasts and you clink your glass with his. “I know you are getting bored in this place. I’m doing everything I can to get this bastard so you can have your life back. See your parents. Your friends. I’m doing what I can.” He promises after you have finished eating.

“I would love to see my parents.” You admit, reaching out and gasping his hand. “Would you- would you come with me?” You ask. “When I go to see them? Explain what happened? I understand if you can’t, you’re putting off so much to help me.”

Marcus nods, “of course. Of course I’ll be there. Baby, what - this is-” He swallows harshly and squeezes your hand, “every day I allow myself to believe that this is our life together. I have a little fantasy that I’m coming home to my wife. To our family. I imagine us having a child or two. I- I want this to be forever. Like I wanted it to be forever fifteen years ago. It’s always been you.” He promises, feeling guilty for being married and engaged but those failed because those women never matched up.

He’s apologized to you for not looking for you harder, for moving on. All things that you never expected and don’t want him to be upset over. Those expressive eyes search yours and you smile softly. “It’s been my little fantasy too.” You confess. “When you find Roberta and I can be myself again, why don’t we make that a reality?” You ask. “Would you marry me, Marcus?”

“In a heartbeat.” He assures you, “I’d marry you tomorrow if I could. I- I was going to, you know, I was going to propose not long after I played you that song. I always imagined my life with you. No one else. Even when I was married, I thought of what could have been. I want to marry you.” He promises, “and I will. I’ll get Roberts and you can be Mrs. Pike. Have the life we should’ve had.”

You can’t help but grin, leaping up from your chair so you can rush around and press your lips to his in a greedy kiss. Feeling like every dream you’ve created to keep yourself sane is coming true. Marcus is your knight in shining armor and you want nothing more than for him to rescue you. “Whatever you need me to do, to help you put this behind us, I’m willing to do.” You promise him. “I want to start my life with you.”

Marcus pulls you into his lap, cupping your cheek so he can kiss you again. “I love you.” He murmurs, nudging your nose, and he will do anything he can to keep you safe. Even if it means laying down his own life. He will do it to keep you safe.

“Baby, don’t worry about cleaning up, let’s go to  bed.” You beg, caressing his cheek. “I need you. I need you so much.”

Marcus can’t refuse you. He nods, shifting to stand up with you and he takes your hand, dishes abandoned as he guides you to the bedroom, your now shared bedroom. When he is holding you after you’ve made love and you’re asleep, he’ll stare at the ceiling, trying to think of anything that he read in the files to help him catch the bastard that’s after you. 

You decide that you don’t want Marcus to undress you. Pulling away from him with a smile, you’re happy you decided on a wrap dress that is easily removed. Most morning Marcus leaves you in the bed, pulling away quietly so he doesn’t disturb you and when you wake up, it’s because of the shower. So he didn’t see the lingerie you had chosen for him.

Marcus groans when you unravel your dress. His eyes drinking in the silk and lace clinging to your body and his cock is now throbbing in his slacks. “Fuck baby. You look so good.” He murmurs, “so good. I’m so lucky to have you.” He declares and surges forward to wrap his arms around you, pulling you close so he can press his lips to yours, pushing the dress off of your shoulders.

Moaning softly, you smile into the kiss, just as eager. Just as wanting as Marcus. Your fingers memorizing how many buttons it takes to strip off his smart dress shirts. Eager to feel his warm skin underneath. “Make love to me Marcus.” You beg. 

He won’t say no, couldn’t say no even if he wanted to. He wants you. Fuck, he wants this for the rest of his life. When your hands touch his chest, he groans your name and he unclasps the pretty lace bra, “so pretty. Look so pretty in this.”

“I think you like me in anything.” You tease him, giggling quietly. “But you love me in nothing.” You work on his belt to unclasp it and unhook his pants to reach down and squeeze his cock. Groaning when you feel how hard he is.

“Love you in anything and nothing at all. Love every inch of you.” He promises, “I love you. You.” He murmurs, sliding his hands along your back and then your arms as he slides the straps down your arms until he’s ducking down to take your nipple into his mouth.

There’s something about Marcus, he’s thorough. He wants his partner to be satisfied and he finds what makes them tick. Your moan of his name is soft, accompanied by your wrist twisting, starting to pump his cock as best you can. “Baby, no foreplay. I just need you.” You whine.

He whines back, having wanted to eat you out but he doesn’t deny you. He nods, guiding you back towards the bed and he lays you down while he shrugs out of his pants and throws his clothes on the floor. His hands trail along your legs until he’s hooking his fingers into your panties to drag them down.

“Marcus.” You whimper, rocking your hips up as he stands straight and strips his trousers down. His boxers have a large tent in the middle with a wet spot and you groan at the sight. “Fuck, I want you to fuck me, but I want to suck your cock.”

Marcus smirks, “tell me what you want baby. Whatever you want is yours. I’m yours.” He promises and reaches down to shove his boxers down. His cock bouncing as he kicks them aside.

 “Fuck.” You moan, biting your lip before you turn around and tilt your head off the end of the bed. “Fuck my throat, baby. I want to feel you gag me before you fuck me stupid tonight.” Making love takes various forms, after all. 

“Jesus. Such a dirty little girl, aren’t you?” He coos, shuffling closer and he caresses your neck before gripping his cock. He pushes the head between your lips and you take him inside of your mouth, making him groan. “So damn good.” He murmurs, watching you as you take him deeper, his hand immediately going to your neck so he can feel the bulge from his length.

You moan, enjoying the look on his face until your vision is blocked by his body. Letting him use your throat as you try to open it up more for him. Marcus is girthy and it’s a lot, tears leaking out of your eyes and rolling back into your hair, but you love it.

“Jesus Christ. This is - fuck. You’re gonna make me cum.” He grunts, pulling out of your mouth. He wants to try that again another time when he can properly fuck and cum down your throat but that night isn’t tonight after you’ve confessed you want a future with him. You pant, trying to catch your breath and he caresses your cheek. “How do you want me?” He asks, wanting you to decide.

So much of the time, Marcus is in control. Giving you pleasure and making sure that you enjoy yourself. Right now, you want to take care of him. “I want to ride you baby.” You decide, sitting up and reaching for him. “Let me take care of my future hubby tonight.” You coo, grinning at how that sounds.

He grins, nodding as he shifts to lay down on the bed, watching you move to your knees. “Come here, my love.” He beckons you over, needing to feel every emotion he’s withheld over the past fifteen years. He wants you to take what you want from him.

You go eagerly, crawling up his body and dropping random kisses. There’s nothing about Marcus that you don’t love. When you straddle his waist, your waist no time in dropping a kiss on his lips while you reach between the two of you to grasp his cock and quickly sink down on him.

“Shit.” Marcus hisses, his heart about to beat out of his chest and he swears he could die then and there and be a happy man. His hands find your hips as you take all of him inside of you and he groans your name, surging up to deepen the kiss as his tongue slides into your mouth.

You start off slow. Rolling your hips while you groan into the kiss. Circling them and clenching down on Marcus to hear the lovely little gasp he gives. Your fingers find his hair and you swear you could live right here. “Love you.” You promise, sliding your hands onto his chest and pushing upright. “Whenever someone touched me, it felt so wrong. You’re my love, my lover, my soulmate.”

Marcus slides his hands along your back as you start to rock on his cock. "I love you. I love you so much, sweetheart." He murmurs, caressing you and his dark eyes watch you as you move on top of him. "You're everything. My everything." He promises, heart thumping in his chest.

“One day I want to have your babies.” You promise him, moaning softly at the thought. “You were made to be a daddy, and I can’t wait to see you holding our baby.” You clench down around him again at the thought.

Marcus groans, cock twitching inside of you at the thought. "Fuck." He grunts, hands sliding down to squeeze your ass. "Fuck yes. I want - God, I want to get you pregnant." He confesses, "always imagined you as the mother of my children."

You know it ticks off some primal things for Marcus, it does for you too. You moan softly again and rock forward to kiss him. “I want that. At least two.” You pant into his mouth, imagining the two of you as new parents. Building the life you had daydreamed about when you were incredibly lonely.

“At least.” He agrees, knowing he won’t be able to keep his hands off of you when he gets you pregnant. “God, I love - I can’t not love you. Haven’t stopped since you left. No one was you. They were never you.” He confesses, helping you rock on his cock.

Your heart melts at that sentiment. Smiling against his lips as he continues to help you ride him. Slowly speeding up to where his cock hits perfectly inside you. Feeling him twitch every time he is seated deep as if he is ready to fill your womb with his seed.

"Are you going to cum for me, sweetheart? What do you need? Tell me what you need to soak my cock?" He asks, wanting to feel it, he needs to feel it.

“Just you baby.” You gasp, slapping your hands down in his chest and starting to rock faster. “Gonna cum baby, fuck, you feel so good.” You moan. “So full, fuck, you’re so thick, baby.” You always love how thick he is and how well he fills you up. “Love you, so fucking much.”

“That’s it. That’s it sweet girl. Fuck, that’s it. Cum for me.” He begs, sweat beading on his forehead as he watches you rock your hips a little faster. Those little whines and whimpers escaping your mouth tell him you’re close and he slides his hand down to rub your clit.

Your toes curl and you cry out, your orgasm slamming into you and making you lurch forward. Collapsing again this chest and chanting his name over and over as your body spasms.

Marcus groans at the way you clamp down on his cock and he moves fast to lay you on your back. Grabbing your thighs to lift them onto his waist so he can sink deep into your quivering cunt. He groans your name, his cock twitching inside of you as he gets close but he needs you to cum more time for him.

“Baby!” You squeal, feeling your body tense up as you ride out your orgasm. You would beg him to cum but you can tell from the look in his eyes that he has no intention of cumming until you do again. Marcus prides himself on making you cum multiple times. “Fuck baby.” Your nails scratch down his back and you tighten your thighs around him, closing your eyes and feeling your core start to tighten again as he rockets you to another orgasm.

Marcus pushes deeper, harder, the affection from before replaced with pure lust. Driven by the need to claim you, he thrusts into you over and over again. “Cum.” He chokes, needing to feel it and when you clamp down on his cock for the second time, he can’t help but paint your walls with his hot seed as he orgasms with you.

Moaning his name softly, you stroke his back as he groans. Enjoying the softness of his embrace as you both start to relax. “I love you.” You murmur quietly. “I can’t want to start our life together.”

Marcus presses his forehead to your chest, breathing you in, and he murmurs, "me too baby. I can't wait. Once you're safe, it's the two of us for the rest of our lives." He promises, kissing along your neck. "I love you."

After you’ve cleaned up and settled against Marcus, you fall asleep. Wondering when the shoe is going to drop and worrying that you might lose him again.

****

Marcus checks the time, knowing he should be calling you to touch base. He likes to call every hour or so to make sure everything is okay at home. He picks up his cell, dialing the burner phone he got you and he waits for it to ring. No answer. Weird. He doesn’t like that. He tries again. No answer.

At first, you thought Marcus was home, until there was no rap at the door. Abandoning the meal you were prepping, you grab your phone, your heart pounding in your chest as you race up the stairs as quietly as you can. Reaching the second floor just as the door opens and the blare of the alarm sounds out, though it’s quickly silenced. The phone buzzes but all you can think is that you need to hide, as fast as possible and call Marcus. It’s seems as if you’ve been found.

When you finally answer the phone, Marcus can’t help but ask if you’re okay. Frantic when you answer and don’t actually speak. “Baby. Tell me. Tell me if you’re okay. Please. I -talk to me. Talk to me.” He begs, needing to hear that you’re okay.

Your mouth is dry and you can barely whisper. “Marcus.” You manage. “He’s here. Someone’s in the house.” You try to keep your voice as low as you can, terrified that you will give away your hiding spot under the bed.

Marcus’s blood runs cold when he hears your whisper and he fears for your life. He grabs his work landline, dialing his team to get people over to his house right away. He’s terrified for you. “Just hold on baby. Stay on the phone. I’ll be right there.” He promises, standing up from the desk so he can get home.

“Hurry.” You breathe out, turning the volume down and holding your breath as you hear the first signs of someone downstairs since the alarm went off.

Marcus shoves himself away from his desk, heart pounding as he rushes towards his car after telling his team about how he has to get to you. He can’t lose you again. His heart pounds and he speeds, his team following as he gets to his home in record time.

You never realize how loud you are when you breathe until you are trying to be completely silent. Scrunching back under the bed as far as you can go and slowly sliding the storage boxes in front of you so you are well hidden. Listening for the creak on the third stair that Marcus groans about having repaired.

Marcus has you on the phone, having switched lines for a mere moment  

to get a team to his house within the next ten minutes. He speeds along the roads of D.C to his home, running through reds with no care except that it’s clear. “I’m coming baby.” He promises, “I’m coming.”

You can’t acknowledge him, too terrified to make a sound as you hear someone creep up the stairs. Your blood runs cold when you hear a voice say your name. “I’ve been looking for you. Come out and I’ll kill you quickly.” He taunts. “Make me find you….well, I’ve been in prison a loooooooong time because of you.”

Marcus drives faster, pulling into his neighborhood and he hears your scream. Slamming his brake, he puts the car in park, uncaring of his engine still running as he grabs his gun and rushes through the front door. He freezes when he comes across Roberta, his gun pressed against your forehead.

He had found you, screaming and fighting, he had dragged you out from under the bed with a curse and hopefully a bruised shin. Until he had pressed his gun against your forehead and ordered you downstairs. Feeling like you were going to die. Until the door opens and Marcus busts in. “Marc!”

Marcus’s finger is over the trigger. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you, Pike. I’ll blow her pretty head off. I want you to know that I’ve been watching. Listening. All those little promises of the future. Having kids. Getting married. It’s so sweet it’s sickening.” He coos sarcastically. “And now that future is gone.” He says and Marcus shakes his head, “you’ve served your time. You could walk away. Leave her alone.” He counters and Roberta growls, “no! She is the reason I served so long. She’s gonna die.” He promises, pushing the barrel into your head.

You squeeze your eyes shut and then you have to open them. Needing to see Marcus one last time. The idea that this man has been stalking the house, listening to your conversations and plans for the future, listening to you making love, is sickening. “I love you Marcus.” You promise him, watching his eyes slide from Roberta to you. “It’s always been you. Always.”

Marcus feels like he’s gonna be sick. “She hasn’t done anything. She’s been alone for so long. She has suffered enough. You both have.” He lies, “let her go and you won’t be arrested. You can walk free. Start again. I won’t come after you. Just let her go and you are a free man.”

You feel the tension rising in the room. Something is about to happen. Something that will end in the death of one of you. “If it weren’t for her, this bitch, I wouldn’t have gone to jail!” Roberta hisses and you know he won’t walk away. He won’t quit until you are dead. You remember one self defense move that had been taught to you by the Marshal’s office. Playing dead. “I’m sorry.” You tell him, watching his eyes slide from Marcus to you and you let your knees give out and drop to the ground.

Roberta isn’t quick enough and the gun goes off, embedding the bullet in the wall. The next thing you know, Marcus’s team are storming the house and they don’t waste time killing Roberta. His head jerks back as the bullet enters his head. The gun falls to the floor and Marcus is quick to grab it.  Marcus pulls out the magazine and empties the chamber, the bullet rattling to the floor. The bullet that could’ve killed you. He reaches for you once Roberta is dead on the floor and he pulls you into his arms. “Are you okay? Are you hurt?”

You’re shaking. Once the guns started firing, you flinched in anticipation of the killing shot and now you can’t stop shaking. “I- I- I don’t- I don’t know.” You admit truthfully, throwing your arms around him and starting to sob as the reality of what could have happened hits you.

His hands check you over, rubbing your body to see if you’re hurt and when he doesn’t see any damage, he’s pulling you back into his arms, kissing your forehead. The team wants you out, into the van and away so they can check Marcus’s home. “We are going to a safe house for a couple of nights. The team will check the house for any bugs or anything I didn’t pick up on. And clean it up for us.” Marcus explains once you are on the way.

“I didn’t go out.” You stress, almost desperate for him to believe you. “I didn’t call anyone and tell them where I was. No one.” You cling to him, unable to let him go as you try to calm yourself down. “I promise, I didn’t.”

Marcus shakes his head, “it’s not your fault baby. These people…they have ways of finding out where you are. It’s not your fault.” He promises, “he found you and now he’s dead. It’s over. You can reinstate your identity.” He tells you, “you can be you again.”

“I can be me.” You whisper softly, eyes wide when you realize that it’s truly over. After fifteen years, you are finally free. “Oh my God.” Happy tears fall down your cheek and you start to giggle.

Marcus grins, relieved for you and happy after knowing everything you’ve been through. “I love you so much.” He murmurs, caressing your cheeks, “you can see your parents. You can - you’re free.”

“Marry me.” You beg quietly. “As soon as I am legally myself, I want to be Mrs. Marcus Pike.”

Marcus’s eyes widen and he nods, “yes. Yes. God - baby - as soon as we are able to, I wanna marry you.” He promises, leaning in to kiss you softly, his thumbs wiping away your tears.

You smile, unable to believe that your life has taken such an incredible turn. Your future had been changed by a madman, forced into hiding and completely altering your path. Somehow brought back to Marcus by complete coincidence and now, you are able to take your life back and spend it with Marcus.

****

“I now pronounce you, husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.” The officiant declares and Marcus surges forward to kiss your lips, his hands tenderly cupping your cheeks. The crowd cheers, made up of your parents, his parents, and the friends you have made together since Roberta was killed and the ones from college who were shocked to see you after you made your official appearance back in the world. It’s been a long journey, fifteen years in the making, but you and Marcus are finally where you were meant to be all along. Married and in love. Next thing on the agenda? Getting you pregnant.

#pedro pascal #marcus pike #marcus pike x reader #marcus pike x you #marcus pike x f!reader #marcus pike smut #marcus pike fanfiction #marcus pike imagine

[callivich]

Just a reminder for anyone new or anyone who has been lurking:

I know it’s difficult coming into a new fandom but everyone in the Gallavich fandom on tumblr is very friendly and kind, so don’t feel nervous - just jump in and say hi.

Make an intro post and check the #gallavichintro tag to find fellow fans!

Like seriously just send a message or reply to a post. We’re here to have fun, the idea of new people is great because it means more engagement.

When I say people are nice, I mean it. I’ve been in so many different fandoms over 20+ years and this is genuinely the kindest group of people I’ve ever encountered online in a fandom space.

Give your blog an icon. People tend to assume that ones without are spam blogs and may block immediately. Here are some great icons you can use with credit: here / here / here

If you’d like a Gallavich banner for your blog, send me a message - I’d be so happy to make you one! I’ve got ones free to use here / here.

Please don’t steal gifs and repost them, here’s a great post explaining why. And another one explaining the gif search function.

Reblog content you enjoy and write in the tags or reply to the post - how much you liked something or if you have other thoughts…..creators love to hear this!

Use the tags. They’re the best way to get your posts noticed if you’re new- #gallavich #ian gallagher #mickey milkovich #ianxmickey any or all of these will work. When you make a post, you should see a little grey box that says something like add tags to help people find your post, just type in there. (You don’t need to use the # symbol. Tumblr automatically does that.)

There are so many brilliant active communities that you can take part in - I’ve done a roundup post here & I will update it with new communities.

If you feel creative? Got for it. Don’t worry about what people think, just share your work. Write that fic or headcanon or meta, draw that art, create that gifset, design that aesthetic piece, share that playlist. Chances are that a lot of people will enjoy your work!

Don’t feel shy about promoting your work either - tag it with #gallavich & the tags mentioned above.

Recommend what you’ve enjoyed! There is no time limit on sharing links to fic, art, headcanons, gifsets, posts of any kind…..reblog/share what you love and keep sharing it. Whether it’s brand new or years old, sharing the work is great idea.

Go back and explore things. Older fics on ao3, gifsets and art from years past, moodboards and headcanons that are years old. None of these things have an expiration date. So reblog them, share them, let people experience them for the first time and allow people to enjoy them for the 2nd/3rd/4th time.

Comment!! It’s such an important thing to do in fandom. Whether it’s on new work or old work, whether you write long comments or just a keyboard smash and emojis - it’s great way to share love to creators, to support/encourage/inspire them and to get involved in fandom. Check out Ian and Mickey’s guide to commenting and other posts about commenting: here // here // here

Share your ideas. Whether it’s headcanons or meta or fics or art, share it. Feel free to explore your ideas. There’s always room for discussion, analysis and creativity.

If you see ask memes or tag games going around, take part! Or even reblog one of these games and tag some people you’d like to get to know better! Don’t feel intimidated, it’s always nice to be tagged.

Keeping reblogging posts. Not just once or twice but again and again. The queue is there for a reason. And each time you do? You’re sharing it with your dash.

Remember, pretty much everyone starts out as a lurker and when it comes to being creative - everyone starts at the beginning. Those writers and artists and creators that you are in awe of? They all started out at square one. Everyone practices and creates over and over again, that’s how it goes. The more you write or draw or create, the better you get. And fandom loves to see it.

Need ideas or inspiration? I’ve got lots and lots of prompts for you!

This is a relatively small-ish fandom but it’s active and there is nothing nicer than new people joining, so don’t hesitate - jump in. It’s so much fun and we’d love you to join us! 💖

If anyone has any tips or encouragement they’d like to share, please reply to this post! 💖

And if you have any questions about using tumblr, send me an ask!

#gallavich #mickey milkovich #ian gallagher #ian x mickey #calli talks #encouragement post for lurkers #this is a revised and updated version of the post I shared last year

[freedomfireflies]

May Fic Recs! 🐇

Rabbit, Rabbit!!

I am so beyond blessed and privileged to be witness and even mutuals with some of these incredible authors! Their work always brings me so much joy and excitement! Please feel free to browse around, show some love, and maybe even find your next favorite creator! 💞

The Harry Styles Category!

💞 First we have @avatar-anna! You probably know her from her Unknown Number series, if not one of her many other wonderful works! She's so incredibly talented and creative!

~ Here is her masterlist!

💞 @be-with-me-so-happily is so crazy talented and inspired! So many amazing and addicting stories to discover! Namely her take on Don't Worry Darling and the trouble that follows!

~ Here is her masterlist!

💞 @watchyourbluesturngolden is a beast!! In the absolute best way! A true legend, especially for giving us Harry and Stevie! They've got so many wonderful blurbs and requests to check out!

~ Here is their masterlist!

💞 @lonelycowgirls who not only gave us The Garden but has complied a couple fic rec's herself, which was so fun to go through!!

~ Here is her masterlist!

💞 @londonbelow has been giving us amazing content for far longer than we've deserved, but nevertheless...I'm so grateful! Not only for Black Rabbit but for all the other incredible stories she's graced us with!

~ Here is her masterlist!

The Harry Styles + Other Category!

🤍 @lovebittenbyevans has just started taking requests and (if I'm correct) is planning a series, too! For Chris Evans and Harry! They don't have a masterlist yet, but check out their page to make sure you don't miss anything!

🤍 @walkingintheheartbreaksatellite has been crazy supportive of me for so long now, and I'm so excited that I finally get to show some support back! They've got an incredible Niall Horan series, and I believe (correct if I'm wrong) are opening up requests for both Harry and Niall (again, correct me if I'm wrong)! You'll find their other works on their page, and attached to that link!!

🤍 @reidssbau has also been giving us incredible content for years! She just recently posted this fan-freaking-tastic plus-size stripper fic with Harry, but also writes for Spencer Reid, and has some amazing, amazing stories and blurbs about him!

~ Here is her masterlist!

🤍 @chrisevansonly writes for both Harry and Chris Evans, and when I came across her story Lavender Moonlight...my heart burst! Absolutely incredible writing, such sweet and descriptive imagery, and the most adorable premise! I'm so excited to go through her collection of stories for both men!!

~ Here is her masterlist!

The Dylan O'Brien Category!

♥️ @stilinskisnevermore is one of my favorite Dylan content creators. The obsession started with their Thomas Fic, and quickly snowballed into a full-blown simp-fest! They've written for almost every character of his, including some about him personally! Each one is guaranteed to leave you breathless!

~ Here is their masterlist!

♥️ @theinternetisfulloftrash is so much fun to keep up with! They've written some crazy accurate blurbs for Dylan (my personal fav being 24x24...but whose isn't?), but they also have an incredible Coachella Dylan fic you can find on Ao3!

~ Here is their masterlist!

The Chris Evans/Steve Rogers/Stucky Category!

💜 @straywords has written an incredible Stucky fanfic that takes place in the mountains that is as cool as the very air in those mountains (...horrible joke, I'll see myself out). They write more explicit content, so make sure to check the warnings, but they've got an extensive catalog that is sure to provide you with excellent stories!

They have some for Steve, Bucky, Stucky, Peter Parker, Yelena Belova, and so many more!

~ Here is their masterlist!

💜 @myfictionaldreams has written some crazy fun stories for so many characters, but I first stumbled upon this surprisingly sweet (but still sexy) Mafia Stucky story! They also write some pretty explicit content, so make sure to check the warnings. But, they've got an incredible list of concepts, requests, and series that I'm so excited to keep perusing!

~ Here is their masterlist!

The Fic Recs and Other Types of Content Creators Category!

💖 @reveriehs has been helping promote authors for years, and I honestly don't know where I'd be without them! If you are ever in a reading rut, and need some ideas, this list is the place to go!

💖 @tiredinwinter was so kind enough to show me some support, and it absolutely made my day! They are endlessly sweet and...they make ART!! Incredible drawings and adorable stickers! They are definitely an account to follow for inspiration, beautiful imagery, and even some fic recommendations!

If you've made it to this point, I LOVE YOU very much!! If you ever need some creators to discover, new stories to obsess over, or just wonderfully kind blogs to follow...these are just some of the amazing people I've been blessed to know and discover!

Thank you to everyone for your crazy wonderful support! I hope this list can be a good start at giving just a little bit of that love back!! 💞💞💞 (I have added so many heart emojis to this damn doc, I am so sorry)

ALSO:

Here is my other author recommendation list if you'd like it! These authors are also still my absolute favs, and that is never gonna change!

#harry styles #dylan o'brien #chris evans #fic rec #fanfic reccomendation #recommendations #fic rec list #harry styles fic rec #dylan o'brien fic rec #chris evans fic rec

[0rczy]

ORCZY'S FAN FICTION RECOMMENDATIONS

For following Fandoms: Varian and the 7 kingdoms, Lego monkie kid, JRWI riptide

Hi there! I tought I would share some of my favourite fanfictions I've read since April last year, as sort of a recap and also recommendations. These are all longer stories btw, ranging from 78K to  236K words. Hope you find something that piques your interest :D

If you have any other recommendations, PLEASE share them, I'd love to read more from these fandoms.

VAT7K

-Varian's Tangled Trials by IFoundYouJustineTime and TheArtistsMuse A complete Vat7k story adapting the original creators' plot points into an amazing, 24 chapters (episodes) long fic that reads like an actual cartoon. If you're new to Vat7k or Tangled The Series, or even if you haven't seen the latter (like me), you WILL enjoy this. If you like a fun adventure with a bunch of nerds as a found family, this is for you.

-What Summer Meant to You -If I Really Hated you (and I really, really do) both by Battybatzgirl First one's a battle of the bands/modern AU, second is an AU where the boys are rival engineers, both focusing on the ship Varigo. The writing style is what made me stay and read these to the end. Incredibly funny and entertaining to read, the way Varian and Hugo are characterised is just. So good. If you like a well written, lighthearted, romantic comedy, this is for you. (Both include some skippable adult scenes, but the story is much more about the romance)

-Making End's Meet by Meltthepoint As the author's name suggest, this is a melting point (Donella x Ulla) story, set in a modern setting. Donella enrolls Hugo into this new school, who then befriends Varian. Ulla and Donella meet again. This is about how two women make up and start anew after their lives went into directions they didn't want. The story is much more character focused, a really fun read. Very insightful about the women's characters. An exception, as I still haven't finished reading it. Definitely not the type of fic I can binge read, but I'm really enjoying it.

At the end of everything by Squirrelflight A Night in the woods AU (haven't played the game, you don't have to, to read it), and unfinished as of yet, but man. Worth checking out! Unlike the stories above, this one's definitely darker and has a really tense aura. Love it. The writing is so good it makes me so thrilled about what will happen next! I also really like, once again, the characterisation.

LMK

-You can stay here by KALL A pre canon story about how Pigsy and Tang adopt MK, how MK gets to be in a safe environment and starts figuring himself out. Great writing style, entertaining plot, what more could I ask for? (maybe an update lol) As of yet, unfinished, and hasn't been updated since late 2022. The author actually posted ( https://www.tumblr.com/its-kall-the-clown/735524530668371968/are-you-going-to-be-updating-any-fics-on-your-ao3 ) about wanting to rewrite the story sometime. Which is great! In case you're reading this, take as long as you want!

-A garden across our collarbone by PittedPeaches Spicynoodle soulmate AU where what you write, or in MK's case, draw on your skin, appears on the soulmate's skin as well. Red Son's journey of (very slowly, this is a slowburn) falling in love with MK. A lot of inner monologues, the story plays out more like a retelling of what happened from Red Son's perspective. Kind of like a diary entry and I LOVE IT. I actually didn't understand the pairing before reading this, nor was I that invested in Red Son's character. This fic changed everything. (it also sends you good luck if you read it on the train! I acquired: friends!)

RIPTIDE

-BREAKING FREE! by earlgray_milktea A fish 'n chips Highschool Musical AU (another thing I haven't seen, you don't need to, to read this). The writing is so undoubtedly Disney, it is at times so over the top dramatic, you can't help but smile at half the interactions. The charm is big on this one. The characters are exagerated but somehow not (completely) out of character. Basically if Riptide was on Disney, this is exactly how they'd act. Also it's just really, really cute.

-Depths of Natarus by goldpines Chip Mermaid AU set in an Undersa/Oversea war, focusing on Fish n Chips as well as Jay Ferin (my girl!). Two reasons why you should read this right now. First: the descriptions are SO detailed and immersive! It made me also kinda have a crush on Gillion Tidestrider. How. Second: it made me care about Jay. And the way she's written here is just so so great. You can tell the author knows what they're doing, the feels just keep coming, I alost teared up multiple times. This story makes you feel a lot of emotions at once, an overall amazing reading experience.

And these were my favs since last April. Specifically the ones that made me go absolutely insane. In a good way. Again, if you have any good recommendations (preferably longer stories, but shorter ones are also fine), please feel free to share them.

Thank you for reading this, if you did :D

#fanfiction #fic rec #fic recommendation #vat7k #varian and the seven kingdoms #vat7k fanfic #lmk #lego monkie kid #lmk fanfiction #jrwi riptide #jrwi show #jrwi fanfiction #jrwi fic

[thenightpool]

rinharu wrapped 2023

We almost can't believe it's already time to bring out the kadomatsu again! 2023 just raced by, didn't it…?! Let's take a moment to look back on everything Rin & Haru (and their fans!) have achieved this year.

🌸 Archive of Our Own

The Matsuoka Rin/Nanase Haruka tag on AO3 now holds 3,674 works!

That means 173 new fics were posted this year. (There might've been more than that, but it's hard to keep track of creators privatising their older fics!)

And the Night Pool's AO3 collection is up to 90 works!

.

🌸 The Night Pool

Here at TNP, we revived @sakurathon, a cherry blossom-centric event! This year, the event received 40 works by 19 lovely participants.

Since it was such a big success, we're bringing the event back on April 27th & 28th 2024.

°•. ✿ .•°

We also held the aquatic-themed Unleashed Blue, during which 20 participants created 51 (!!) otherworldly works for us.

With permission of the creators, we lovingly collected them in a 400+ page commemorative zine. You can download it on linktree

°•. ✿ .•°

Writers filled an impressive 35 prompts during our prompt meme Make a Splash! that we held in honor of Haru's birthday.

Read the fills on AO3

°•. ✿ .•°

Rin & Haru's Big Warm-Up, our monthly prompt event, received 16 new works on AO3 across the year & more on socials.

Check out our collection on AO3

°•. ✿ .•°

We also kicked off rinharu fandom's very first bang: MEDLEY!, a mini + reverse hybrid bang that will start posting in March!

(Psst. Sign ups are still open for a few roles!)

°•. ✿ .•°

We held 3 training camps – super fun writing retreat weekends – over on our Discord. We have 4 more retreats planned for 2024!

If you'd like to join us for the next one(s), here's the info

°•. ✿ .•°

We posted 33 new fanart translations!

Here's the link to our masterlist

°•. ✿ .•°

And finally, The Night Pool beat out Harurinralia to win our Ultimate Rinharu Moments Tournament that we held back in April on both Twitter and Tumblr!

.

🌸 Other Fandom Events

It's been a busy year!

In July, @starstarfairy hosted Wave Of Memory (@rinharumemories) to celebrate the 10th anniversary of Free! The event ran in two wave on tumblr and Twitter and combined polls, fan memories, and all types of fanworks.

@sweetheavenfics helped us run the RH-friendly @soumako-week in September!

@ryu-outsider hosted the month-long daily prompt event Free!cember here on Tumblr. It welcomed the entire fandom. The event was promoted by eleanorenchanted and run via hashtag.

And @rinharuweek ran for a full 10 days this year in celebration of the show's anniversary! They are just wrapping up.

.

🌸 Official News

Free! turned 10 in 2023. Omedetou gozaimasu!

Free! The Final Stroke Part 2 broke all of the series' previous records in the box office, bringing in over 1 billion yen

It also finally made it to Crunchyroll.com for the US & select others

Miyano Mamoru & Shimazaki Nobunaga fed us (+ fanartists' inspiration) well by shouting "HARU!!" and "RIIIN!!" at each other before hugging passionately during the 10th anniversary event at the Saitama Super Arena

We got tons of amazing new art; including a cover illustration for Free! The Band Live's Ever Blue performance in Yokohama, Animedia's July W-cover, Sweets Paradise's promotional art, and Kyoani's 10th anniversary event's illustration

Rin's ripped jeans (+ THE ANKLETS) in the Matsukiyo & Cocokara's Top Of Summer collaboration launched a thousand fanworks

Matsuoka-senshu, Nanase-senshu, Kirishima-senshu & Yamazaki-senshu represented Mizuno at the World Swimming Championships in Fukuoka

Spoon2Di recently restocked volume 78 & 85 on their webshop, and Akiba Pass Shop opened pre-orders for some gorgeous tapestries featuring said art

Karatz, Bikkuriman Choco, Iwami & DECOL all bumped Rin up to 2nd place in character listings (where he belongs!!)

Last but not least, KyoaniShop bankrupted us all by releasing amazing new merchandise (and also did not try to hide that Rin is the Free! series' 2nd protagonist, either…)

--

Thank you so much for being here with us in 2023. We hope it has been a wonderful & creative year for you. Here's wishing you an even more rinharu-filled 2024!

#MOD MUSE IS SO SORRY #SHE ACCIDENTALLY NUKED THE OG POST #she made up for it with new formatting and emojis and the event graphics #she apologizes for the deja vu #rinharu #harurin #rinharu wrapped 2023

[danpuff-ao3]

This year has had many ups and downs, and as of late it feels as if the whole world is a down. Real life has really smacked me down, and I've felt so isolated from all of the things and people I love. But as ever, the world is looking up, and I can see the light...and looking back brings me so much joy and fulfillment. I've accomplished so much that I don't give myself credit for. More than I'll dare type up here, but let's go through the highlight reel, shall we?

For my dear friend Beth's birthday, I finally posted some of my HP Astro work to AO3! (Speaking of which, I really should work on adding more soon...)

A_Loveunlaced (@a-loveunlaced) is an artist I very much admire, so the start of the year was super cool getting to chat with them, seeing their Snarry art, and writing a ficlet for said art, Again (and Again).

Delved into and fully embraced the controversy by running HP Chan Fest with @cindle-writes, which was such a cool and meaningful experience.

Plus I wrote some fics I'm really proud of for said fest: profane holy, Cruel Summer, The Virgin Bride.

Also my dear friend Viran (@mrviran) drew some fanart for Cruel Summer, I believe while it was still anonymous and everything! But she also totally called that it was me who wrote it, which is always fun for me when people know me in the Anon stages!

I wrote more fics for Kinkuary and Kinktober (which I always love!)

Shared more meta on AO3 with The Half-Blood History (I really do need to import more meta there!)

Finally wrote and posted chapter 3 for smile with sweet surprise (aka Stepdad Snape fic)

Started writing and sharing WIPs I've been long excited for: Wasted for Love (Golden Triad + Snarry) and A Taste for You (Sugar Daddy Harry).

I ran HP Fruit Fest solo! Which was a lot, but I had fun and I was super thrilled to not be the only one super into fruit!

I taught myself how to bind books, and now I have a growing collection of bound fics! Check out #danpuff binds to see some!

More recs, as ever, but especially the ongoing Dead Dove Diaries series of rec lists.

Speaking of recs, I'm helping mod @hprecfest, which is so fun for me! I love seeing people's recs, and I love being part of an event that is spreading so much fun and love around the community!

Also, making my own recs for the event! I've got at least one fic queued up for each day, I think! And some days have even more!

For Snarry-a-Thon I wrote a companion piece to last year's Contempt (aka my heart and soul), called Devotion, which my friend Aristi kindly beta read for me! The whole series is so deeply meaningful to me and it feels so huge to add more to it.

For Snarry Bang, I teamed up with my pal Viran (@mrviran) for The Curse of Anteros. I wiffle-waffled on what to write for the longest time, but my vacation to Orlando unlocked something in me. The whole fic hit me like a hurricane and came out in like a 2 week period. And the art Viran created for it is spectacular (I'm still obsessed). Oh, and it was such a treat having the fabulous @writcraft beta! There's nothing quite like having a creator you admire help your work be its best version!

And, of course, I had another opportunity to chat with my friend Beth for @fanficmaverickpodcast, with the episode: A Very Snarry Christmas.

And lots more, but this is plenty enough to be going with! Not half bad for the year, yeah? 😄

#danpuff stuff #2023 #my year in fandom

[seiya-starsniper]

The Lament of Morpheus - Dreamling (AO3)

Rating: T | Status: Complete | Chapters 1/1 | Words: 2K

Tags: Whump, Canon-Typical Violence, Canon Related, BAMF Dream of the Endless | Morpheus, Deal with a Devil, quite literally too, Feelings Realization, Rescue Missions, Guilt, Hopeful Ending, Pre-Slash

Summary:

“We have a problem, Dream,” Death announces as she stomps into his realm, completely uninvited and unexpected. “Sister,” Dream startles, but quickly recovers. “I did not call for-” “Hob Gadling is in Hell.” Death interrupts him, “and I cannot get him out.”

Dream has to rescue Hob from Lucifer. Things do not go quite as planned.

----------

My third completed work for @dreamlingforukraine, thank you for your support @the-cloudy-dreamer! This was one of the most challenging things I've ever written but it was a lot of fun! Thanks again to @ferelden-loser, @gil212, and @lyriclorelei for being my betas as well! Love you guys💖💖

I'm accepting commissions in exchange for charity, see my Creator Post Here. Despite the naming convention, I'll accept both Dreamling and non-Dreamling commissions!

Edit: I'm no longer accepting commissions but please check out the blog to see who is!

----------

This fic is also being used for @dreamlingbingo's adoptable prompt "Whump" which replaces my square D1 - Atomic Bomb.

#dreamling #dream x hob #hob x morpheus #the sandman #sandman fanfic #seiya writes #I love angst can you tell? #seiya writes dreamling

[winterhawkwonderland]

Rules and Info

EVENT RULES

This exchange is for good-hearted fun! Remember that you’re getting a gift, not ordering a commission.

Works submitted for this event have to be original works that haven’t yet been posted elsewhere in the fandom. Everybody deserves a new, unique gift!

Remember to keep your recipient a secret until gifts are revealed!

All works should be posted in the 2023 Winterhawk Wonderland AO3 Collection. The Master Post will be created directly from this collection.

This event is open to all ages - with the caveat that participants under the age of 18 will not be allowed to create or receive explicit content. There will be a place on the Sign Up form to indicate your age and whether or not you are okay with this type of content.

This event does NOT allow any works involving the AO3 Big Four (Major Character Death, Underage, Rape/Non-con, Extreme Violence).

EVENT INFORMATION

Your mods this year are CB ( @kangofu-cb ) and Feathers ( @feathers-and-cigarettes )

We are allowing any form of content that can be digitally consumed. This means fic, art, moodboards, etc. We’ve been asked about podfic in the past - if you can figure out how to create this with the prompts you’re given, we absolutely welcome it.

All works need to be complete before posting - this includes multi-chapter work.

Fan art requirements: Final pieces should be digitally consumable. This can include fan art, mood boards, and the like. Moodboards should include at least 4 images. Traditional art can be photographed or scanned for posting. Digital art can be as simple or complex as you like.

Fanfic requirements: Absolute minimum word count of 1000 words; there is no maximum. However, it must be complete by end of posting (Dec 31st). Please do NOT gift someone an incomplete work. Generally speaking, most gifts fall in the 1k-5k range.

The sign up form will ask for:

Three (different!) prompts for whomever is creating your gift. Prompts do not have to be holiday-related. They should be open enough that any participant can work with them, and should be generally applicable to both fanart and fan fiction. One to three word prompts are usually enough to get a creator started, and we can relay question between participants as needed after matches are made.

The ratings you are okay with receiving (per the AO3 guidelines). You will be able to select all that apply. Remember that minors will not be allowed to gift or receive content that is rated E.

For the gift you will be receiving: a short list of things you don’t want to see in your gift (DNWs). The AO3 Big Four Warnings (MCD, Underage, Rape/Non-con, and Graphic Violence) are not permitted for this event, so you can safely assume you don’t need to list those in your DNWs.

For the gift you will be creating: A short list of things you are not comfortable making (again the AO3 Big Four are not permitted so you can assume they will not be asked of you), what ratings you are comfortable creating for, and what kinds of things you DO want to make!

Please keep your list of wants/DNWs as concise as possible for ease of matching and ease of creation.

Your email, AO3, and Tumblr. The first two are required for participation - if you do not have an AO3 account, we can help you get one.

Whether you’re willing to be on our pinch-hitter list!

Whether you’re interested in offering up beta/cheer-reading services!

The details:

Once sign ups are closed, the mods will carefully match creators to recipients. You’ll get your assignment via email, therefore it is crucial that you sign up with an email that you check regularly. From there, choose any of the prompts that you like and start working! You’re only required to fill one, but if you want to combine them, feel free!

For check-ins, we will be using a form asking how far you are on your gift. Please be as honest as possible. This is not punitive, we’re simply ensuring things are going okay, that you get any help you need, or whether or not a pinch hit might be needed.

People who do not respond to check-ins will be mercilessly harassed by the mods to make sure you’re okay! (Just kidding, though we will make every effort to follow up on missing responses.) If participants don’t respond to the check-in within 72 hours, the mods will call in a pinch-hitter for that gift. As mods, we aren’t willing to risk someone not receiving a gift, because that would be incredibly disappointing, so this is non-negotiable.

People who are struggling at Check In #2 will be contacted by the mods to figure out how we can help you.

Dates are assigned in order to spread out posting evenly and avoid overwhelming the Winterhawk tag. This also gives each gift time to be appreciated by fandom. We will ask you to sign up for three different dates, in order of preference, and dates will be assigned on a first-come, first-served basis. If all your dates are full, we will contact you with available dates.

We’ll have space in the sign-up form for questions you might still have so that we can address any new concerns for this season. If you have questions now, please check the FAQ post and if your answer isn’t there, feel free to send us an Ask!

#winterhawk #winterhawk wonderland #winterhawk holiday exchange #rules and info #FAQs #clint barton #bucky barnes #hawkeye #the winter soldier #mod announcements

[mirandyevents]

Last Year's Fanwork Awards are officially over!

All works have been bookmarked to the Ao3 collection, and hopefully all available winners have been reblogged on tumblr as well - if your post of a winning work hasn't been reblogged yet, let us know!

We had over two hundred nominated fanfiction in 30 categories with 47 winning works in first place (some having the same amount of votes makes it more than the amount of categories), an additional thirty first-place winners in the art, gif and video categories, and over 70 different winning creatives in the first through third places of all the categories! Congrats, everybody!

All nominated and winning fanfiction can be found in the bookmark section of the Ao3 collection linked below:

You can filter it for winners and nominations, and for the different categories (if you can't find the category you are looking for in the suggested bookmarker's tags, go to 'exclude tag' and exclude the category tags with more works, click filter again and it should suggest you new bookmarker's tags now - be careful to only exclude the category tags like 'AU' and not 'winners' 'nominees' and the first-third places, as that would exclude all fics)

It looks like the fandom's favourite tags are:

The visual works can be found in the web archive of this tumblr under the 'award winner' tag, or on mobile by just searching this blog for 'award winner'.

We hope everyone had fun in this event meant to show appreciation for the fandom's creatives, find new favorites and rediscover old fics, and get some inspiration going! Most events are for creator participants only, we thought it would be great to get everyone involved in nominating and voting for their favourite works. Of course there are other great works as well - the winners just happen to be the favs of the people who voted!

If you want to stay active in the TDWP Femslash fandom, the next event is organized by @sapphicwritingprompts, a valentine's ficathon with different prompts you can sign up for. If you aren't a writer yourself but a reader, check out the new works published for the Mirandy Secret Ice Queen Exchange and maybe show your love by leaving some comments!

And of course, feel free to reblog the winning works on here to keep sharing them around :)

Original event post

#will not attempt to @ 70 winners - tumblr won't let me i think the limit is 50 #tdwp fanwork awards #fanwork awards #mirandy #mod post #the devil wears prada #tdwp #dwp #miranda/andrea #seremily #serena/emily #tdwp femslash #fic awards #femslash event #wlw #ao3 #mirandy event #event 2022 #meryl streep #anne Hathaway #miranda priestly #andrea sachs

[zadrkinkmeme23]

Weekly Update Dec 17

It's that time once again, lovely people 💚

We've had a phenomenal week this week! Three new fics, as well as four new prompts! I'll get into those beneath the cut a little later on, but firstly~

With just four weeks left of the event, now is the perfect time to submit your prompts as it will give participants plenty of time to fill them! Of course, we will be accepting new prompts right up until the deadline, and people are encouraged to use prompts from the '23 Event even after the event closes.

Once the event closes, you will still be able to continue any multi-chapter fics, and despite being closed, we will still take new fic submissions. All you'll have to do after Jan 14th is message us here, and we'll temporarily open the collection in order to add your fic.

We will also be taking prompts right here through our Inbox after the event closes, but any prompts submitted after Jan 14th will be kept for next year's event in August 2024. We want this event to be as accessible to everyone as possible, so if you have any questions at all please just drop us a message and we'll do what we can to help!

Also one final quick note, to accommodate the upcoming holiday period, the weekly updates will temporarily take place one day earlier on Saturday instead.

With all that being said, let's get on to the fun stuff below the cut~

First up is our three new fic fills! If you haven't read these already, please go and check them out now and leave them a little love! From kudos to comments, letting our participants know you've enjoyed their fic really helps our event thrive! 💚

In order of their post date -

'Strict Machine' - Fed up with his lab drone's bratty attitude, Taller Dib sends Zim in for "treatment".

Tags - Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Dubious Consent, Fantastical Hysteria, Alien Cultural Differences, Fucking Machines, Vibrators, Irkens Are Terrible, Medical Kink, Public Humiliation, Light Bondage, Forced Orgasm, Forced Ejaculation, Masturbation, Power Play, Irken Dib, Voyeurism, Exhibitionism

'Fairground Freak' - Dib is a university student who came to London from the Americas with a not-so-hidden interest in the supernatural and bizarre. He then learns of a new and fascinating creature of unknown origin, and simply must know more.

Tags - Teen Audiences & Up, Dib/Zim, Alternative Universe - Victorian, Carnival, Nonbinary Zim, Victorian Attitudes, PAKless Zim

'Diet Stripe' - “You will finish this comically large beverage - yes, all of it - and we will wait. Even once you have reached capacity, you are not allowed to void liquid waste until Zim is touching your sossidgemeet.”

“Can you quit calling my dick that?”

Tags - Mature, Dib/Zim, Urination, Omorashi, No Sex, Desperation Play, Don't Like Don't Read, Submissive Dib, Aged Up Characters

And now for our four new prompts! Some of these summaries have been shortened for brevity, so to check them out in full please head on over our AO3 Collection Page!

Filled to the brim: Dib/Zim, Creampie, Multiple Orgasms, Vaginal Sex, Zim Has A Penis & Vagina, Multple Sex Positions (Optional Tags: Demonic Possession, Sex Pollen, Recreational Drug Use, Pregnancy, Dubious Consent)

Something paranormal happens to Dib that makes him really horn, and an insatiable Dib can't stop blowing huge loads inside the poor alien. 

Sea Monster Zim: Dib/Zim, Sea Monsters, Human/Monster Romance

Zim as a sea monster, basically. You get to come up with his size and other physical attributes. The story can focus on ZADE/ZADF but there should be, at the very least, some romantic/sexual undertones.

Moo-Ping 10 Prison Sex: Dib/Zim, Older Characters, Hate Sex, Shower Sex, Prison

Dib and Zim fuck while imprisoned on Moo-Ping 10. 

Another ZADR Heat Fic: Dib/Zim, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Alien Biology, Alien Sex (Optional Tags: Top Zim, Bottom Dib, Pre-Heat, Hormones, Pheromones, Small Top, Tall Bottom, Quickies)

Zim and Dib fuck in order to try and set off Zim’s heat

That's everything for this update! Thank you for reading this far, and I hope everyone is having a good weekend! 💚

#zadr #zadrkmeme #18+ only #kink meme #prompt meme

[maribatserver]

Tag Team Tournament 2023

Are you ready to tag back into Maribat?

Last Year's Tag Team Tournament remains our most popular event to date, so naturally we decided to bring it back again this summer! If you're new to our corner of the fandom, we invite you to take a look at our previous submissions on our 2022 Live Tracker and check out our 2022 Awards before you tag in to this year's event.

This year, our Tournament will take place from July 30th - Aug 5th, and our rules and procedures remain the same, though you can view them on our Event Guide Document if you'd like a refresher, or if you're tagging into Maribat for the first time. The only big change is going to be to our lineup. Or, rather, it might be.

Last Year's Teams:

Book Design - Jasonette (317 Points) Java Junkies - Timari (317 Points) Lucky Shot - Roynette (196 Points) Art Couple - Damianette (153 Points) Rare Flair - Any Ship Without A Team (99 Points) Spandex Flex - Dickinette (59 Points) Three's Company - Poly Ships (53 Points) Sunshine Children - Marijon (49 Points)

As for this year's teams, well...

Just as last year, we'll have 8 teams for our creators to compete for, however, this year you'll be getting to vote on the 8th team! Since Sunshine Children (aka Marijon) placed last in our 2022 Tournament, they'll be the team on the defensive in our first event: The Shipping Bracket. More on that later.

Who's on the teams? Well, anyone who wants to be! And since this is the Tag Team Tournament, creators can tag in and tag out of teams as they please, creating as much or as little as they’d like to support each ship — multishippers rejoice!

How do you participate? Our full Event Guide Document explains everything you need to know, including the rules, submission guidelines, scoring guidelines, and more! You’ll also find the submission form — only content submitted through this form will be scored for your team, so make sure you read the whole document and fill it out. 

If you're posting on AO3, we have an Event Collection for your fics. If you're posting on Tumblr, make sure to tag your creation with #TTT2023 so we can see it and reblog it here! 

If you’d like to keep an eye on the scores for each team (and maybe tag into a team to help bump them up), our Event Guide Document will include a link to a publicly accessible tracker, complete with live-updating team totals!

The Shipping Bracket will pit 20 different ships (chosen by members of the Maribat Server) in a series of 1v1 matches to determine which ship will get it's own team in our 2023 Tournament. But hey, even if your favorite doesn't win the bracket, you can still write for them by submitting under Rare Flair, and we hope that you will, because there are some really fun dynamics proposed in this bracket!

Voting for the Shipping Bracket will begin on June 4th, and we'll post one set of polls a week until we've found our winner. Now, we know that not everyone who votes on our public tumblr poll is likely to participate in our Tournament (though we hope that you will!), so to ensure that our participants get a real say, if you participated last year we have a special form that lets you vote an extra time (and everyone thank @nottesilhouette for explaining the math behind how we can do that). Our winning team will have their name and logo released on July 23rd, so keep an eye out for them.

We can't wait to start this totally epic event, and to see which team pulls ahead in this year's tournament. Will it end in another tie, or will we finally settle the score between Book Design and Java Junkies? Or maybe this year a new team will take the trophy?

#ttt2023 #maribat event #maribat #mlb x dc #maribat server #dc x mlb

[callivich]

Just a reminder for anyone new or anyone who has been lurking:

I know it’s difficult coming into a new fandom but everyone in the Gallavich fandom on tumblr is very friendly and kind, so don’t feel nervous - just jump in and say hi.

Make an intro post and check the #gallavichintro tag to find fellow fans!

Like seriously just send a message or reply to a post. We’re here to have fun, the idea of new people is great because it means more engagement.

When I say people are nice, I mean it. I’ve been in so many different fandoms over 20+ years and this is genuinely the kindest group of people I’ve ever encountered online in a fandom space.

Give your blog an icon. People tend to assume that ones without are spam blogs and may block immediately. Here are some great icons you can use with credit: here / here / here

If you’d like a Gallavich banner for your blog, send me a message - I’d be so happy to make you one! I’ve got ones free to use here / here.

Please don’t steal gifs and repost them, here’s a great post explaining why. And another one explaining the gif search function.

Reblog content you enjoy and write in the tags or reply to the post - how much you liked something or if you have other thoughts…..creators love to hear this!

Use the tags. They’re the best way to get your posts noticed if you’re new- #gallavich #ian gallagher #mickey milkovich #ianxmickey any or all of these will work. When you make a post, you should see a little grey box that says something like add tags to help people find your post, just type in there. (You don’t need to use the # symbol. Tumblr automatically does that.)

There are so many brilliant active communities that you can take part in - I’ve done a roundup post here & I will update it with new communities

If you feel creative? Got for it. Don’t worry about what people think, just share your work. Write that fic or headcanon or meta, draw that art, create that gifset, design that aesthetic piece, share that playlist. Chances are that a lot of people will enjoy your work!

Recommend what you’ve enjoyed! There is no time limit on sharing links to fic, art, headcanons, gifsets, posts of any kind…..reblog/share what you love and keep sharing it. Whether it’s brand new or years old, sharing the work is great idea.

Go back and explore things. Older fics on ao3, gifsets and art from years past, moodboards and headcanons that are years old. None of these things have an expiration date. So reblog them, share them, let people experience them for the first time and allow people to enjoy them for the 2nd/3rd/4th time.

Share your ideas. Whether it’s headcanons or meta or fics or art, share it. Feel free to explore your ideas. There’s always room for discussion, analysis and creativity.

Keeping reblogging posts. Not just once or twice but again and again. The queue is there for a reason. And each time you do? You’re sharing it with your dash.

Remember, pretty much everyone starts out as a lurker and when it comes to being creative - everyone starts at the beginning. Those writers and artists and creators that you are in awe of? They all started out at square one. Everyone practices and creates over and over again, that’s how it goes. The more you write or draw or create, the better you get. And fandom loves to see it.

This is a relatively small-ish fandom but it’s active and there is nothing nicer than new people joining, so don’t hesitate - jump in. It’s so much fun and we’d love you to join us! 💖

If anyone has any tips or encouragement they’d like to share, please reply to this post! 💖

And if you have any questions about using tumblr, send me an ask!

#gallavich #mickey milkovich #ian gallagher #ian x mickey #mickey x ian #calli talks #encouragement post for lurkers

[little-box-of-wonders]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Thanks for the tag @grexigone! n.n

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

33 as of Nov. 15, 2023

2. What's your total A03 word count?

135,824 words

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Only Horizon (Zero Dawn/Forbidden West) for now.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

To Know Peace: 103 kudos (Rated T) - First longfic

Live for the Night: 88 kudos (Rated E) - First smut fic

Bonding Moments: 83 kudos (Rated G) - Companion vignettes fic for To Know Peace

Devotion: 79 kudos (Rated E) - Kinktober 2023 drabbles collection

Visual Delights: 77 kudos (Rated E) - Fun, smutty 5+1 oneshot

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do! Comments mean that someone took the time to read my fic and something stuck with them enough to tell me about it. It makes me feel appreciated, and I want my readers to feel appreciated in turn. :3

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Oof, probably Shadowed Heart, which is my first rare pair fic (Fashav/Ritakka). I promise to give them a happier ending in my series.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I'd say To Know Peace has the happiest ending so far.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I got a couple of comments on Bonding Moments about some choices I'd made that rubbed me the wrong way, but I haven't gotten hate publicly or privately. I think it helps that Horizon is still relatively small in the fanfic/fanart space and I don't share my ship-specific fics on the subreddit for the games.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I do and I have no shame, hehe. It's mostly M/F and very light on kinks. Other than my Kinktober drabbles, the raunchiest fic I've written is Early Exit.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

No crossovers. They're kinda tricky to get right.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

To my knowledge, no, but I haven't checked FF.net or Wattpad to confirm.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope. Spanish is my native language, but I have no plans to translate my fics from English to Spanish.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

@jadefyre and I have a smut fic in the works that we started earlier this year. Also, not co-written but @murmart made a beautiful art of Fashav/Ritakka for my fic Heavy in Your Arms. :3

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Definitely Aloy/Kotallo. Not only did seeing their dynamic and conjuring up ship possibilities get me to write again after a long hiatus, but it's also allowed me to become part of a community of amazing creators both in the Kotaloy Elysium Discord server and beyond. n.n

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I don't necessarily think I'll leave any of my WIPs unfinished, but some are a little more complicated than others in terms of getting them to meet my own standards (yeah, I'm my harshest critic).

With longfics, I've since learned to write until completion and then start posting, only because I don't enjoy the self-imposed pressure to update something that's already out there since life can be really uncertain at times.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue! It takes me such a long time, but I love nailing the voices of the characters correctly and having readers comment on that and their characterization. However, I do find speeches a bit cumbersome to write because every word has so much weight to them, even though I do enjoy the end result.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I struggle with describing environments/settings, because I never know if I'm being descriptive enough to paint a full picture for the reader.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I think if it's a few sentences here and there is fine, but anything else might make it inaccessible to part of the readership unless it's stated in the author's note that the fic will feature two or more different languages.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Horizon, though I wrote a (thankfully never published) fic for Final Fantasy VII when I was around 13 years-old; trust me, it wasn't good and I still cringe thinking about the plot. HOWEVER, I miss that feeling of writing without caring about the end result, of just having a deluge of words on paper with a somewhat coherent narrative thread.

20. Favorite fic you've ever written?

It's hard to pick only one because all of my fics are special in their own way, but I'll go with Hurricane Drunk because I had so much fun describing Kotallo being drunk and struggling with confessing his feelings for Aloy in a humorous way.

Tagging @setavvo, @fogsblue, @hannahmationstudios, @destinysembrace-oblivion and @mwasaw. (No pressure! Only if you want to).

#personal #fanfic writer ask #ask game #fanfiction #writing

[jaime-brienne-fic-exchange]

JB Festive Fest 3: Fest With a Vengeance

You asked and we answered...

Signups are open for the JB Festive Fest!

Now in its third year, the JB Festive Fest is an opportunity for Jaime x Brienne fans to close out the year with some lovely gifts. It's a low-key, inclusive exchange meant to celebrate our favourite knights! All fanworks are welcomed (and encouraged!)--art, fic, fanvids, any creative endevour!

Already convinced?

Sign up here!

Need more information? Read on!

Important Dates

Signups: November 23rd - November 30th Assignments out: December 1st Posting Window: December 23rd - January 1st Stocking Stuffer Prompts Released: December 23rd Last date to check in: December 28th NEW THIS YEAR. In order to simplify the knight writing process, you must begin posting or check in with us by this date, or we will assign a knight writer. If this happens, you can still post, we just want to ensure everyone gets a gift!

Rules

1. You create one (1) fanwork, and receive one (1) fanwork. 2. If you can't complete your gift on time, please let us know as soon as you do! Life happens, but the sooner we know the easier it is to deal with. 3. For recipients: no specific, detailed scenario prompts, only a list of general likes/tropes/vibes and your squicks and triggers. For gifters, any detail you want from your recipient you’ll need to sleuth on your own, or guess. 4. Have fun! 2022 was hard for a lot of us, and this is meant to round out the year with a little extra joy.

FAQ

Who can participate? Anyone! Artists, writers, vidders, poets, interpretive dancers! This is an inclusive exchange – whether it’s your first or hundredth, you are welcome!

What do I need to do? When you sign up, you’ll provide three general ideas of what you like--tropes, vibes, nothing too specific!--for your creator to work from. Once sign ups close, you’ll be assigned someone and you’ll need to create a fanwork for them based off the information they provided. It could be a short fic, a piece of art, a poem, a vid, an interpretive dance, whatever you like! There are no minimum requirements, but as a rough guideline, think of it as something that would brighten your day if you received it.

When do sign-ups open? They’re open now, and will close on November 30, at the end of the day for you, anywhere in the world.  

What if I can’t finish something in time? Please send us an email at [email protected] to let us know and we’ll do what we can to either let your recipient know you’ll be a little late, or organize someone else to backfill.

Does my fanwork have to be festive themed? Definitely not. You’ll just be sharing it between December 23rd and New Year’s Day.

Will my prompts be private? No, they will be released to everyone on December 23rd to allow for the Stocking Stuffer exchange (details coming later in the month). This will be open for anyone to contribute to, not just the people who participate in the main exchange.

When is the posting window again? Between December 23 and January 1. If you have not begun posting by December 28 and have not contacted us, the prompts will go to a knight writer to make sure that everyone receives a gift by New Year’s.

Important Notes:

You must have an AO3 account to participate. If you do not have an AO3 account, you can either request one via the AO3 website or email us at jbficexchange @ gmail.com

If you have any questions, please email us at jbficexchange @ gmail.com. This will be a tight turnaround for signups–about a week–so get in quick if you’re interested!

Click here to sign up!

#jaime x brienne #jaime/brienne #braime #jaime lannister #brienne of tarth #game of thrones #asoiaf #gift exchange #jb festive fest #we hope you''ll join us!

[forabeatofadrum]

Center Ice

Summary: Jack is hit badly during a game and loses consciousness. When he wakes up, he finds himself in an unfamiliar hockey rink together with another player. That player is Jack, from the future.

Notes: Hello hello hello and welcome to this fic! Now that the creators have been revealed by @omgauplease, I can finally post it here as well! Thank you for hosting this fun fest.

I am very excited about AU Please! and I loved this anonymous prompt. I hope the original prompter enjoys.

AO3

--

Jack’s always felt at home on the ice. It’s the one place where he belongs. He skates around with the puck and all he can do is focus on the game. He knows Kenny is somewhere behind him, waiting for Jack to pass. They’ve perfected their plays. Jack’s made sure of that.

He has his eyes on the puck. Out of the corner of his eye he can see Kenny approaching.

But if there’s one downside of laser focus and getting lost in a play, it’s that there isn’t much room for things to go differently.

“Zimms-”

He hears Kenny before he feels the hit. His body hits the glass and fans of the opposite team roar. This isn’t new. Jack’s life has consisted of hockey ever since he was a baby. He knows how to take a check, but this one is different. He slides down the glass and he closes his eyes.

He needs to get up.

But instead, everything goes dark.

When Jack opens his eyes, he is alone. The stands are empty. There are no other players on the ice or on the bench.

Did they just leave him here?

He shakes his head. That can’t be right. Sometimes Jack has the feeling that everyone apart from Kenny secretly hates him, but no one would leave an injured player behind. He takes off his helmet and he gets up, which is surprisingly easy. It was a tough hit, so it shouldn’t be this easy.

Once he’s up, he takes in his surroundings and he realises that this is a different rink. The letters on the boards read Samwell and there is a huge S at center ice. This makes no sense.

Where is everyone? Where is he?

“Oh.”

Jack turns around. He’s not alone after all. There’s another player wearing a deep blue jersey and helmet. The beam of sunlight reflects on his visor, so Jack cannot see the player’s face. He tries to get a better look by squinting, but it isn’t working.

The other player holding a hockey stick with pride tape taped around it, and Jack tries to suppress the feeling in his chest, but he can’t help but feel a tinge of hope when he sees it. The player uses his other gloved hand to take off his helmet and when Jack sees the player’s face.

He’s staring at himself.

The other Jack’s hair is shorter and he has a beard, but it’s unmistakingly Jack.

Jack backs away and he hits the glass.

« Who are you? » he asks, even though he knows the answer. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t be speaking Quebecois.

The Other Jack looks equally confused, but after a few seconds of staring at each other, calmness passes over Other Jack’s face.

« Ah. I see » Other Jack says, and it’s weird to hear Jack’s own voice coming from someone else. Or is this even someone else?

« Who are you? » Jack repeats.

« I know this might sound strange, but I am you. You, from the future. »

Jack shakes his head. He must’ve been hit very badly. Why else is he hallucinating another version of himself?

Other Jack skates around the rink with a smile on his face.

« It makes sense that we meet here. » he says while he skates.

« Do you know where we are? » Jack asks. A part of him wants to ignore this Other Jack, but he also wants answers. Besides, this probably isn’t real.

 This isn’t real.

Jack feels like he can breathe again.

 This isn’t real.

He has nothing to worry about.

It’s comforting to know, because if it were real, then Jack would have to deal with that. Jack is still a bit wary of this Other Jack that he created with his mind, but hopefully he’ll come to his senses and he can go back to playing hockey.

« Were you hit? » the Other Jack asks instead of answering, « I got hit during a match in late 2007 when I was in the QMJL. I don’t remember much of it, but I guess I now know why. No worries, you’ll be fine. »

Jack realises that Other Jack is talking about the hit that has led to this hallucination. It makes sense that it gets brought up. The hit is the reason Jack is making this all up.

« Yes. It wasn’t nice. » Jack responds. He skates after Other Jack. « Why does it make sense that we meet here? »

« This is Faber Memorial Rink at Samwell University, our mother’s alma matter. »

Jack remembers Samwell. He’s never been there, but his mother has talked a lot about her time here. He wonders how his subconscious has recreated a place he’s never been to.

« Okay? »

Other Jack has a smile on his face. He looks wistful when he skates around, as if he’s reminded of something.

« This is a middle point » Other Jack says, « Samwell is a middle point between the QMJL and the NHL. I’m not on Falconers’ ice anymore, you’re not on juniors’ ice. This is center ice, in a way. It makes sense. »

« It doesn’t. Not really. »

Other Jack stops suddenly and Jack almost crashes into him. He looks at Jack with an easy smile. It is weird to see. Jack can’t remember the last time he looked so relaxed. Every photo of himself shows him with a tense face, or an empty one. On some days, Jack prefers to take some extra pills just to stay calm. An empty feeling is better than a tense one.

« I don’t know the rules for this » Other Jack laughs awkwardly, « I don’t know what I can tell you. »

Jack shrugs.

« If it makes you feel better… this isn’t real. It doesn’t matter. Nothing matters. »

Other Jack’s eyes widen slightly.

« That is a terrible way to think. »

Jack shrugs again, but he relents.

« Fine. Hockey matters. Hockey is all that matters. »

Other Jack smiles again, but this time it’s a sad smile.

« You really believe so, don’t you? » he asks.

Jack tenses up and he crosses his arms. He doesn’t feel like defending himself. Hockey is all that matters. That’s how it has always been and Jack’s tired of people questioning his love for the sport. Even other players are sometimes put off by Jack’s devotion. Sure, Jack declines invitations to go out so that he can come up with plays or so that he can watch tapes. And yes, whatever he has going on with Kenny is fun, but they both know that hockey comes first. That’s probably why Kenny is his best friend, since he gets it.

« If you really are me, then you’d understand. »

« I did. » Other Jack says. The past tense doesn’t go unnoticed. Other Jack lets out another awkward laugh and he gestures towards Jack. « Oh, look at you. I know you feel offended. I was you once, so no need to explain. I know hockey is everything to you, because it used to be everything to me. »

It’s a small admission. The Other Jack, the future version of himself, just told Jack that he will no longer care to the same extent. The thought horrifies him.

« But you still play. » Jack points out and he nods toward Other Jack’s attire. Jack doesn’t recognise the team, but Other Jack did mention the NHL. Everyone knows that Jack’s going to get drafted next year, when he’s eighteen, so Jack isn’t surprised to find a future version of himself playing in the NHL. But then why does this future version of himself look at him with, well…

Jack’s never been good at reading other people’s emotions, but he knows himself, and he recognises Other Jack’s pity.

« I will play as long as I can » Other Jack says. Finally, this version of himself says something useful. « I am 27. I hope to reach 53. »

« So I can beat Howe. » Jack adds. He knows what Other Jack means. « Technically, I need to reach 52 and 12 days to beat him, but 53 sounds better. Well, you’ve already played in the NHL for 9 years. 26 years to go and you’ve played as much as him! Well, he did take a small break for two years, so technically you need 24 more year. »

Of course Jack knows all of this by heart. He’s memorised all of the best players’ seasons.

Other Jack has another awkward smile on his face. Jack never knew it looked so weird on him.

« I, uh, started two years ago. If I want to beat Howe’s entire playtime, I need a bit more time. »

« You… what? »

Other Jack looks away and he avoid Jack’s stormy gaze. What does Other Jack mean? Does this mean that Jack’s NHL career starts at 25 instead of next year? The thought of that alone makes Jack feel uneasy and he clenches and unclenches his fists. He closes his eyes, because suddenly everything feels too much. He can feel the anxiety rise, which is weird, because Jack knows he took an extra dose before the game so he shouldn’t feel this way. Do the effects of his pills wear off in this hallucination?

Wait, he tells himself, This isn’t real.

 This isn’t real.

 This isn’t real.

 This isn’t-

He feels a hand on his shoulder. Jack jerks away, almost slipping. He’s still on the ice, after all. The Other Jack catches him.

« Woah there! » Other Jack looks alarmed, « Sorry. I didn’t mean- I’m sorry, I forgot I used- Are you okay? Maybe we should get off the ice and sit somewhere. »

 This isn’t real.

Other Jack guides Jack to the penalty box, since that is the closest by.

« You want some water? » Other Jack asks, and he sounds so worried, it almost makes Jack laugh. No one ever worries over him like this.

And Jack is fine. He is fine, usually. He has hockey, he has pills, and sometimes a drink. All is fine. These anxious moments rarely happen anymore.

« Where does a hallucination get water from? »

« I know this rink like the back of my hand.»

Other Jack doesn’t correct the hallucination thing, and Jack feels like something heavy has been lifted from his chest.

« I’m fine. You’re not real. »

« So you keep saying. »

« So whatever you say, it won’t mean anything. »

« If that’s what you want to believe to stay sane, sure. »

Jack frowns. Other Jack isn’t wrong. It’s indeed the thing that keeps him calm, but Other Jack didn’t have to say it like that.

« Then I can ask you anything I want about your life, and I can ignore it if I want to. »

« … I guess. Does my life really sound so terrible to you? »

« Yes! »

Other Jack looks away for a small second. The pity is back and Jack hates it.

« Why? » Other Jack challenges him.

« Because hockey! If you were real, which you’re not, are you telling me that I don’t get drafted next year? »

Other Jack nods and Jack really has to focus on the fact that this is a hallucination. Maybe the hit shook his brain and now his subconscious wants to torture him by presenting him with this bad future.

It feels so real, though. Which is ridiculous.

« Then, what am I going to do instead? » Jack asks, acting as if this future is going to happen. He’d still like to know how this Other Jack ended up in the NHL if he only started 2 years ago.

« I, uh… Well… » Other Jack trails off. He tries to talk several times, but nothing comes out, as if Other Jack knows Jack won’t be happy to hear it.

« It’s fine. This isn’t real. You’re not real. »

« And so you believe. »

« You can tell me. It won’t matter. »

Other Jack looks down and he closes his eyes. Jack knows that move. Jack also closes his eyes when he wants to shut out the world.

« You go to rehab. »

Jack jumps off the bench in shock.

« Rehab? »

« You have a drug problem. You are addicted to pills. You overdose the day before the draft. »

« I don’t have a problem. » Jack bites back. In the back of his head he keeps reminding himself that this is bullshit, but that doesn’t mean it’s an easy thing to hear.

« Yes you do. And it almost cost you everything. If Kent hadn’t found you that day… » Other Jack trails off.

Kent.

That’s a thing Jack understands.

Kent is still there.

But the rehab thing weighs heavily. He tries to remind himself that this isn’t real, but it is hard. The Other Jack notices, and he tells him to breathe. For something that supposedly isn’t real, the panic does feel real. The panic is the reason he is on medication. He needs it.

He’s never considered that too much might be dangerous.

Other Jack is still sat on the bench. He must realise that Jack doesn’t want to be touched, but he’s still there to comfort him, which is admittedly nice. No one has ever been here for him like this, except maybe Kenny, but Jack mostly tries to stay away from him when he feels like this. He doesn’t need Kenny to know that he’s weak.

Jack has one more question that’s on his mind. He’s almost too afraid to ask, but he can’t stop thinking about it.

Other Jack raises an eyebrow.

Jack takes a deep breath.

« The overdose. »

« Yeah? »

« Was it accidental? »

Or was it intentional? is what is left unsaid, but judging by the look on Other Jack’s face, he knows what Jack is asking.

« It happened. »

« That doesn’t answer my question. »

« I know. »

Jack lets out a frustrated huff. What’s the point of this hallucination if the other him isn’t going to talk? This is his own mind!

Jack waits for Other Jack to hopefully elaborate, but Other Jack doesn’t. He looks into space.

« What does Kenny think about you not being drafted? »

« Does it matter? » Other Jack snaps and Jack’s momentarily thrown off guard. Why is Other Jack acting like that?

Jack’s eyes fall on the pride tape on Other Jack’s stick. So far he hadn’t really given it any more thought, but now he does. Is Kenny no longer beside him? Jack and Kenny have an agreement that hockey goes first, but the tape on Other Jack’s stick says that maybe Other Jack can have both.

« Are you gay? » Jack blurts out and Other Jack looks up in shock.

Then he burst out into laughter.

« Wow, way to change the subject, kid. »

In Jack’s defense, this hallucination is kind of upending his entire life. He has the right to not make any sense, since nothing about this makes sense anyway.

« Are you? » Jack asks. Am I?

« We’re bisexual, but no worries, you have some time to figure it out. » Other Jack answers.

« I do? During rehab? »

Jack still has to wrap his head around this rehab thing. It sounds ridiculous. But also, if he’s not playing hockey, then what else can he think of? According to Other Jack, his identity.

« Partially. And college. »

Other Jack looks around again and the wistful look reappears on his face, and Jack gets it. Other Jack called this rink a middle moment between the QMJL and the NHL.

« I will play in the NCAA? »

And finally, the easy smile returns to Other Jack’s face. Jack realises he missed it.

« For four years, yeah. Best years of your life. »

« Well. It’s still hockey. » Jack sounds unsure. It isn’t what he hopes for, and the rehab thing is still there, but it’s hockey.

« I know it might sound strange now, but there is more to life than hockey. »

That does indeed sound strange. Jack tells him that and Other Jack snorts.

« Then, what else is there than hockey? » Jack asks, and when he asks it plainly like that, he has to admit that it sounds a bit stupid, but Jack genuinely doesn’t know the answer.

Who is he without hockey? Everything in his life leads to hockey, even non-hockey things. His teammates are his social circle. He fools around with Kenny, but because Kenny knows it’s about hockey. His family has always been supportive of his hockey career.

Everything is hockey.

« Friendship. Comfort. Photography. »

« Photography? »

That sounds like an odd one. Friendship and comfort sound reasonable, but photography?

« Pies. » Other Jack adds and his eyes light up when he says it.

 Pies?

« Pies? »

« Oh Jack, you have no idea. So. Many. Pies. » Other Jack says with a chuckle.

« How are pies relevant? »

« Bitty. Bits. Love. »

“Bites?” Jack exclaims.

“Que?” Other Jack frowns when he sees the indignant look on Jack’s face.

Jack turns red. This is such an embarrassing conversation to have, especially with a made up future version of yourself.

“Bites,” Jack repeats the French word. God, this is terrible. He can feel himself feel red.

Jack can see the moment Other Jack realises. Other Jack looks horrified for a second, but then he hides his head in his face and he laughs.

“Ouais. Ça aussi.”

Other Jack has a smug look on his face. Jack coughs. Alright then.

“… Trés bien,” he squeaks out.

This is so weird.

Other Jack quickly says: « I didn’t mean that. B-I-T-S, not B-I-T-E-S. Bits.»

« … what is a bits? »

Other Jack he looks radiant.

« Bitty. Eric Bittle. My husband. »

Did Jack hear that correctly? They just had another linguistic mishap, so it might be possible that Jack has misheard another thing, but how else can he interpret ‘mon mari’? Did Jack mean another name? Mary? But who the fuck is Mary? And who the fuck is Eric Bittle?

« I’m sorry… what? »

“My husband,” Other Jack says in English, as if he can understand the confusion. Then he takes off his left glove and Jack’s eyes widen when he sees a ring on Other Jack’s finger.

« Can I? » Jack reaches for Other Jack’s hand. This is surreal.

While Jack inspects the wedding band, Other Jack talks about his husband. His husband. What the fuck.

« We met here, at Samwell. I was in my junior year and he was a new frog. That’s what we call freshmen at Samwell. He played hockey as well. I was kind of terrible towards him, because I thought he was a bad player, but once I got to know him I realised that he wasn’t and that I was a dick. And despite my attitude, he still gave me a chance and we became friends. I think I fell in love with him in my senior year, but I didn’t realise. We’re really bad at understanding emotions, don’t you think? »

« … Yeah. » Jack agrees. He slips the ring off Other Jack’s finger, so that he can inspect it more thoroughly. Other Jack lets him. A date is engraved in the ring, together with the text Halo.

« Yeah. It’s the autism. »

« What? » Jack almost drops the ring in shock.

Other Jack doesn’t dwell on it, since he’s lost in his story. He looks absolutely smitten.

« But once I realised, I ran after him and I kissed him. He’s been with me ever since, through thick and thin. I love to rile him up. He teaches me so much. We cheer each other on, and when I won my first Cup, I kissed him in front of everyone and I don’t regret it. And almost two years later I first kissed him, I proposed to him, here at center ice. We initially planned on a long engagement, since Bits just graduated college, but we realised we couldn’t wait any longer. We got married recently, but we will do a bigger ceremony later. Again, we just… got impatient. He’s so good. He’s gorgeous and he’s funny and he’s an amazing hockey player and he’s working on a cookbook now and we recently adopted our dog Amélie and… »

It's as if Other Jack remembers where he is and he trials off.

« Sorry. I got lost in the moment there. »

« It’s… fine. » Jack forces himself to say. It’s not fine. He feels uneasy again.

If Jack had any doubts about this being a hallucination, then those are now out of the window. Other Jack is bisexual and he can get married to a man while playing hockey in the NHL? This isn’t real.

But beforehand, Jack found that thought comforting.

Now, he’s not so sure, and it makes him feel weird.

Other Jack is still reveling in the memories of his life with this Eric Bittle, and he looks so content. Jack watches how relaxed and happy Other Jack is, and for the first time, the thought of this not being real makes him feel sad.

Jack is jealous. He is yearning.

This life of Other Jack sounds nice. He has hockey, but he was right when he said that there are other important things in his life. It sounds like a life Jack can never have. He looks at the ring in his palm and it feels heavy, so he quickly gives it back to Other Jack. He can’t have it.

Jack must look distraught again, because Other Jack asks if he’s alright.

« Your husband sounds lovely. » Jack says back.

« He is. I can’t wait for you to meet him. »

« But this isn’t real. »

Other Jack has a kind look on his face.

« Do you still believe that? »

Jack nods miserably.

« What part of this is so hard for you to believe? Not joining the NHL at 18? »

That is still a hard thing to accept, but Jack realises that that isn’t it.

When Jack does realise why it’s hard to believe, it hits him like a ton of bricks. It’s an unwelcome epiphany.

« You’re happy. » Jack says to Other Jack.

Other Jack sucks in a breath.

Other Jack is happy, and that is hard for Jack to believe. It’s a depressing thought, but it’s there and Jack doesn’t know what to do with it. He doesn’t want to be unhappy. He always believed that once he’s in the NHL, he’ll be happy and nothing else will matter, but now that he’s heard Other Jack talk about how in love he is, Jack realises that yes, Other Jack was right. There is more to life than hockey.

Jack thinks of Kenny.

They have something going on, but it’s fun. It’s physical. It’s, fuck, it’s hockey. It’s not like Other Jack, who is besotted with his husband.

« You are going to be happy, Jack. »

Other Jack pats the free space on the bench. Jack sits down, but he doesn’t meet Other Jack’s eyes. Eye contact is always shitty, but now it’s especially painful.

« I am not you. »

« Aren’t you? » Other Jack asks. « Aren’t I? »

Well. Shit. Isn’t he? Aren’t I?

« If- If this is real… » Jack trails off. He’s in the danger zone now. He’s letting himself think of the possibility.

« Yes? »

« If this is real, then what do I do now? »

« Well. I, uh, don’t remember this. But I barely remember the time I got that bad check in 2007, which is probably why. You’re going to wake up and you’ll have a concussion. You’ll have to sit out the next couple of games, which will piss you off. »

Other Jack chuckles at the memory, but it does indeed sound miserable.

« And then you’ll have the overdose and the rehab. »

« Ah. »

Other Jack puts a hand on Jack’s shoulder.

« Not going to lie, it will be tough. You will be angry. You will be sad. It’s not pretty. But it does get better. You’ll find a therapist you trust, and you learn how to use your meds in a responsible way, and you… you will get clarity on something during the process. »

« The autism? »

« Oh. Yeah. Did I say that already? »

Jack doesn’t really know how to feel about that. It’s not like there is anything wrong with him.

« You’re going to hate that too. » Other Jack says, as if he can read Jack’s mind. Or Other Jack probably remembers that he hated it too. « It’s weird. On one hand, it isn’t a surprise, but on the other hand, it does change your life. And you’re going to think that it’s a bad thing, but trust me, it isn’t. It will make things make sense, and just because it’s different, that doesn’t mean it’s bad.  That’s basically my life in one sentence, ha. »

Jack looks at Other Jack. Jack doesn’t really know anything about autism apart from some things he sees on TV. Other Jack is nothing like the people he sees on TV. Other Jack is a full person, and he has a happy and fulfilling life.

Other Jack said it wasn’t a surprise to him, but it is to Jack. But maybe Jack will learn more about it. It looks like Other Jack did.

« Things will occasionally get shitty, and then I mean shitty-shitty, not my best friend Shitty- »

« What? »

« You will still have bad days, but the good days will keep coming and they don’t stop coming. The good days won’t save you from the bad days, but in the same vein, the bad days won’t spoil the good ones. There is more good than bad these days. In the end, you’ll be happy. You’ll have friends for like, a career you love, a comfortable home and the love of your life. It might sound unrealistic now, but that’s not true. Don’t give up. This is real. »

Jack wishes that it were real. He closes his eyes and he lets himself imagine Other Jack’s life. Images flash before his eyes. He sees himself at a frat house with a dude that isn’t wearing a shirt. He sees himself skating around this rink. He sees himself with a fancy camera and he’s walking around campus with a small Asian girl. He sees himself being tackled by two D-men during practise, but it seems like a good-natured tackle. He sees himself going out for coffee with a blond guy. He sees himself hug this blond guy. He sees himself laugh at something that the blond guy said. He sees himself kissing this blond guy in an empty bedroom. He sees himself kissing this blond guy on an ice rink. He sees himself marrying this blond guy.

It's weird. He’s never seen this blond guy, or any of the people in these images, but they feel so real.

If this is real, then maybe life won’t be so bad. He feels himself drift off and a smile forms on his face.

Someone is squeezing Jack’s hand. Jack focuses on the grip. He needs to wake up.

“Sweetpea, are you here?”

Jack slowly opens his eyes. He feels a bit groggy and his vision needs a few seconds to focus, but then he sees Bitty sitting next to his side. Tater’s on the other side. A medic is standing behind Tater.

“What happened?” Jack asks, slurring slightly.

“You got bad hit, Zimmboni,” Tater sounds relieved to see that Jack’s up, “You were out for short while.”

Bitty looks equally relieved and he throws his arms around Jack’s neck.

“Oh honey, I was so worried! You were lying on the ice, unconscious. The doctor says you might have a concussion but she’s going to run some tests, alright?”

The medic moves closer. She looks kind.

“Can- Can Bittle and Tater stay with me?” Jack asks quickly.

“Of course,” the medic answers.

Bitty and Tater do give her some space, so that she can do her work. The medic explains what happened. He was about to pass the puck to Thirdy when one of the Sharks gave him a nasty hip check that catapulted Jack into the air. The game got halted.

“The other guy feels really bad about what happened,” Bitty says, “He’s one of Chowder’s friends.”

Jack shrugs. That’s hockey. This isn’t his first bad hit and it probably won’t be the last. The medic continues her tests and she asks him questions.

“Do you remember what happened, or was this news to you?”

Jack tries to think. What does he remember? He does remember getting hit by someone, but it feels like something else happened. One moment he was on the Falconers’ rink and the next…

The next moment he was at Faber with his younger self.

“Mon dieu,” he mutters.

“Hm?” the medic asks.

Jack shakes his head. The medic finishes her tests and she leaves to document her findings. Tater also decides to go so that he can tell the others that Jack’s awake. That leaves Jack and Bitty.

Jack moves to the side so that Bitty can lie next to him. It’s a bit tricky, since this bed is narrow, but they make it work. Jack wraps his arms around him.

“I was so worried,” Bitty says again.

“I’ve been hit before, love.”

“Yeah, but you didn’t get up!” Bitty sounds strained. It must’ve been scary to see. Jack will probably rewatch the tape to see what it looked like.

Jack pulls Bitty even closer.

“Bits, something weird happened.”

“No shit, honey.”

“No, I mean, I think I had a weird dream, but it wasn’t a dream. I think it was real.”

“You need to give me more than that, Jack.”

“I was in Faber. I remember getting hit and losing consciousness, and when I woke up I was in my old stall in the locker room all alone, which freaked me out.”

“Oh, sweetpea.”

“So I started to search for other people, and I found my younger self on the ice.”

Bitty turns his head to look at Jack. He has a frown on his face.

“Yeah, I know right?” Jack says, “Me, at 17. It should’ve made me freak out even more, but it made sense in a way.”

“It did?”

Jack doesn’t really know how to explain it. When he saw his younger self, it was as if he knew that this had happened before, but as he also said to the Younger Jack, he doesn’t really remember that it happened. He was so worried about giving away too much, but on the same hand, just like his younger self, he wondered if it was real.

He tells Bitty that.

“So, it was like you travelled back in time?”

“I suppose,” Jack says, “Or more like I went back in time by five years and he travelled five years into the future, and we met in the middle. I don’t know. Maybe it was a dream, but it felt so real. He felt so real. And it was hard.”

“Oh?”

Jack nods.

“It was hard to see me. Past me. God, Bits, he was… He was so unhappy. I was so unhappy.”

“Oh honey…” Bitty trails off and he tightens the embrace.

Jack relaxes in his husband’s embrace. If only his younger self could see him now. He has someone he loves. He has someone who comforts him.

Maybe Younger Jack did see it, in a way.

“I’d like to believe it was real,” Jack tells Bitty, “I’d like to believe that I gave my younger self hope, even if it was just for a little while.”

“Even if he forgot about it?” Bitty asks.

He thinks so.

It’s weird to think back to his younger self. Seeing him was jarring. There was a form of anger behind Younger Jack’s eyes, even though Jack doubts that Younger Jack realised. Well, Jack knows for sure that Younger Jack never realised, since he was Younger Jack once. Jack remembers being so fed up with everything around him, while also being afraid of constant failure. He remembers the omnipresent anxiety, and the confusion with the world. He no longer feels lonely, but he remembers the loneliness of thinking that no one would understand him.

Jack doesn’t like to think this way, but when he remembers it, he understands why his past self reached for the pills. It hurt too much to think. It was too anxiety inducing. And back then, Jack didn’t have the support and the knowledge about himself.

Younger Jack is (was?) a seventeen year old closeted guy with undiagnosed autism. All the attention on him didn’t really give him a chance to stop and think about who he was. The world was too much, so he needed to it to quiet down, so that he could focus on the one thing that did make sense to him: hockey.

Jack no longer lives like that. Sure, hockey is still a big deal, but there is more to life. To Jack, it’s almost weird to think that it wasn’t like that. He knows he wasn’t always true to himself, but by now he is. He’s comfortable with his bisexuality and his autism. He talks so openly about it now, since it is part of his life, but Younger Jack must’ve felt so weird to hear him talk so casually about it. Jack didn’t even stop to think about that.

Jack showed Younger Jack a future. A happy one.

“Yes,” Jack answers Bitty, “Yes, I think so.”

“Yeah?” Bitty looks doubtful, “Cause if I would have the opportunity to tell past self that it’d all be okay, I would be pissed to find out if my younger self wouldn’t remember it.”

Jack gets that. He does. Life was rough, and as he told Younger Jack, there are still bad days, but he’s happy. He’s followed the joy and it led him here. Jack doesn’t believe in fate or higher power, but maybe it was meant to be this way.

Besides, he wouldn’t want to jeopardize his life. If Younger Jack had remembered, would things have changed? Would he still be here, like this?

“As I said, if I could give my past self some peace of mind, even if it was temporarily, even if it wasn’t real, I am glad. But I am also happy to be back here in the present with you.”

“Oh, honey!”

Bitty leans in to kiss him.

The two of them lie there, snuggling. Eventually the medic comes back, and a few minutes later, Tater returns to tell him that everyone is happy to hear he’s okay. The medic tells him that he’s indeed concussed and that he needs to take it slow. He will have to sit out a couple of games, and Jack almost laughs, because that is fine with him. Younger Jack, who got hit in 2007, was pissed, but current Jack doesn’t mind too much.

Once he’s clear to go, he says goodbye to his teammates. They’ll discuss the details with the coaches later. Now, he wants to go home with his husband. Jack takes Bitty’s hand in his, and they walk out of the rink.

If only Younger Jack could see him now.

Or, well, he does. Kind of. Younger Jack just has to wait 10 more years, but it’ll be worth it.

--

End notes: Thank you for reading.

And thank you for Jack Zimmermann, anno 2018, for helping me realise I'm autistic. One day I will write a more in depth fic about it, but I was happy that the original prompter encouraged me to add it here as well. I hope you enjoyed.

#holy fuck I wrote #2023 #omgcp #zimbits #oneshot