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ayustuff · 2 years

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▶A/N: THANKS AND My drafts crashed😹 I'm so thankful that i ss it(😢💀) (Request: @book-oholic )

Pairings: K. Bakugo x GN!Reader

Genre: Fluff, Comfort, Angst & Sfw

▶Pro Hero A.U., this is kinda long?¿ fanfic.

Y/N/N = Your nickname

I did not re-read this!!❣

You woke up in your shared bedroom. You opened your eyes finding Katsuki but he isn't there. You think his making breakfast so you go to the kitchen and there he is.

＿＿＿

“Good morning 'tsuki~” You put your arms around his waist hugging him. “Mornin'”He said putting the food on the plate. “Any plans for today?” “Mhmm... Just usual go to the agency, fight villains, eat and... return home. Why?” “Nothing, Heh.” You said not wanting to sound sad. “Okay lets eat.” You thought that maybe his just playing around and surprise you instead.

＿＿＿

After eating he left the house. You normally take day offs when theres anniversary or emergencies, so your here in the house alone.

＿＿＿

After a while you started cooking dinner and decorating the table. You finished its 7:13pm, he still wasn't showing up. You thought maybe he'll comeback at the usual time which is ‘8:20’. Time passed its ‘8:23’ he still wasn't home. Fourty five minutes passed he wasn't home. You grew more and more sad, angry and worried. You thought if he actually forgot about your anniversary.

＿＿＿

You found yourself thinking scenerios about him as hours minutes pass.

‘What if he got some injuries right now?...’

‘What if he forgot about the anniversary?’

‘What if Katsuki is seeing someone else...’

‘What if-’

＿＿＿

Your on the couch staring at the tv even tho its in off. You checked the time its 9:52. Your stomach is grumbling you decided to eat, forgetting about how Katsuki seems to forgot about your anniversary.

＿＿＿

Hours passed its 10:38 the door opened, you take a look at him. He spotted you waiting at the couch, “Why are you still up?” “Katsuki,” “Mhm?” he said taking his boots and gauntlets off.

“Did you forgot about our... dinner?”

“No?” Giving you a questioning look.

“Why didn't you come back to home early then?” You stand up crossing your arms in your chest.

“Look, you know I have hero duty” He put his boots and gauntlets aside.

You grew pissed and the angerness taking over your sadness. “AND YOUR HERO DUTY IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN OUR DINNER!?” Now your fist is on your sides.

“ITS JUST A FUCKING DINNER! LIVES ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR CLINGY ASS!” He argued, angrily opening the fridge for water.

“ITS NOT JUST A FUCKING DINNER KATSUKI ITS OUR ANNIVERSARY! YOU CAN ATLEAST STILL COME HOME AT DINNER TIME AND SAVE PEOPLE, THE WORLD WONT DESTROY IF YOU HAVE A FEW HOUR BREAK! BUT IT SEEMS LIKE YOU LITERALLY FORGOT ABOUT OUR ANNIVERSARY!” You yelled back at him, tears falling on your eyes and running to go to your ―shared― bedroom. The words make his heart sink. As he run to you, “Wait Y/N-” he tried to grab your wrist but you slap it. “J-just let me sleep, I-im tired...” you slammed the door in his face.

＿＿＿

You layed on the bed you stared at the ceiling as you heard Bakugo saying sorry's, him wanting you you to open the door and talk this out, and more apologies but you ignored them too furious and tired that he forgot your ―you both's― anniversary. Afew minutes later Bakugo stops at his apologies thinking you fell asleep already.

＿＿＿

When you woke up, remembering what happened yesterday so you decided teach him a lesson. You go to the kitchen to have breakfast, you see him already sitting at the chair. He cooked with your favourite meal. You sit at one of the chairs opposite on him, not taking a glance at him. You eat. “Y/N...” he said staring at you. You ignored him and finishing your food. “Im really sorry for forgetting our anniversary, I promise I'll make it up to you I'll take a week break” You stand up and go to the bed to take a shower, he stared at you following your gaze. As he heard the click sound when you shut the door he woke up from his dreams ―thoughts―.

＿＿＿

You change and ready to go to work. At the living room you see him at the couch watching tv. He heard your foot steps. Your close to the door. He turned his head around to look at you, “Babe, where you goin'?” he asked. You stopped, your hand on the door knob.

“To work, isn't obvious?” You replied not taking a glance at him. “Babe, can you take a-” you leaved shutting the door. “break...” He sighed.

＿＿＿

‘Looks like im not gonna have the forgiveness easily...’ He groans. “fuck...”

＿＿＿

2 ½ hours later Bakugo texted you.

Baby Y/N/N

Katsu: Hey baby 10:06

Baby Y/N/N: hi 10:08

Katsu: Am going to your office for lauch since you forgot your launch :) 10:08

Baby Y/N/N: Oh, its fine I'll just go buy one in the cafeteria. 10:09

Katsu: But you said you don't like the food there? 10:09

Baby Y/N/N: I was lying 10:12

Katsu: Huh read

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ

Bakugo's face softened and his now more regreting everything he said―everything he did―.

＿＿＿

9:26 pm you got home, he already swept the floor and cooked. “Hey baby, how's work?” he's the couch. ―this scene reminds you of yesterday but its the opposite now― “Usual.” you said taking off your shoes. “Mhm.” he nodds. You made your way to the bathroom. “Your not gonna eat first?” He said. “No I already ate dinner at work.” You closed the bathroom door. ‘Oh.’ he thought. He sighs returning to watch at the tv again.

＿＿＿

After taking a bath and changing, Bakugo is on the bed laying. You layed beside him but not really facing him. He tried to kiss your shoulders but you doged it by laying flat, your back facing the bed. He stops his trying and just sleep.

＿＿＿

As usual his the one to wake up first at mornings, he admired your face as the sunlight hits you. You stirred, your back now facing his face. He sighs, he wants to cuddle with you but a punishment is a punishment.

＿＿＿

The day went sad and dry, the two of you wanting eachother but you still want to finish the punishment―lesson― to make him really guilty about it.

＿＿＿

Two more days passed it continue like that. You became more soften when he murmurs apologies at mornings, he also had nightmares about you leaving him you heard him saying more apologies. So this night you decided you finally forgive him.

His laying on the bed, facing the wall with heavy lidded eyes. You close the door laying beside him. Hugging him at the back, he frozed for few seconds. He turned looking at you confusedly but missing your touch. He hugged back and kissed your forehead.

“Im so sorry for shouting at you and not remembering our anniversary...” You hug him more tightly.

“Me too, Katsuki I'm sorry for making you feel more lonelier-” He cuts you, “You shouldn't feel sorry it's my fault.”

You two then cuddled to sleep both tired and happy that you two are now back to usual loving couple.

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pixaho · 5 months

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Hi, this is my first time requesting I finished one of your stories with kaito and Kizzy I don’t know if you want to do it but do you think you could do a part 2 with the date night series?

Date Night | Kizzy x Girly!Reader x Kaito

Author's Note | Ok, so I started writing this yesterday, fell asleep because I was tired, and then woke up today to 2 more requests.. I hope you enjoy! (Kizzy goes by They/Them pronouns) (This is a part 2, however it is not entirely right after the events of Part 1.)

Word Count | 555 (Bit short, sorry!)

Warnings | Suggestive (mentions of fucking) and cursing.

Snippet | After the events of what happened to you, Kizzy and Kaito have a plan to do an inside date night. Since you guys are trying to keep your relationship a secret, it's easier to do date nights inside.

Masterlist High&Low Masterlist Part One

You were sitting on the couch, it had been a week after the events with Doubt happened. Rocky hadn't left your side unless it was meetings with possible Club Haven investors or with the other gangs of SWORD. He was always worried that if he wasn't their then Doubt would surely kidnap you again even though there were not recent sighting of them. Your significant others on the other hand, they had been everywhere.

Kaito knew you really needed some time off even with doing online work. So while you were in the living room, him and Kizzy were busy in the bedroom setting stuff up. Kizzy was getting snacks and Kaito was busy fixing the bed to make it far more comfortable for movie night, this was your guys typical date night.

"Are we done?" Kizzy asks, placing the stuff on the night stand. Kaito looked up and nodded. He wasn't one to say many words but he did show it. A smile crosses both of their faces as they hear you get up and come to the room. You walk in, seeing both of them, confused you look around.

"Two words my love," Kaito speaks quietly, dimming the lights. "Date. Night."

You feel giddy inside, it had been a solid 2 months since your last date night. "Yay!"

You crawl into the bed, snuggling under the blanket as Kizzy and Kaito follow suit, both on different sides of you. Kizzy lays their head on your chest, Kaito has his arm laid underneath you. As the remote shuffles through movies you feel at comfort. They were what made you feel safe. Those two specific people that you had laying with you.

The movie begins. You feel an arm slowly move across your abdomen, butterflies enter your stomach, and suddenly Kaito's head is next to yours. His eyes are closed and his breathing is normal. What you thought was just him being normal was actually him taking in your scent.

You lean your head a little so that his forehead is touching your temple. Kizzy, fast asleep even though the movie barely began, rolls off you and faces the opposite direction. You take this as your chance to move. You sit up, Kaito visibly confused before you position yourself to have your face towards him. Your forehead is now touching his, his eyes are focused on your lips, that was his favorite part of you.

Without a second thought, his hand grazes your cheek, lips touching yours as he takes you into a soft yet romantic kiss. His hand moves down to the hip dip you have, tracing circles in it, your stomach practically doing flips. You didn't want the kiss to break as you felt bliss at that exact moment. However, Kaito breaks it, pulling you closer to him as hiding his face in your neck. Your eyes close in peace as you feel his warm breath in the crease of your neck.

"Love.." Kaito whispers in your shoulder. You open your eyes a little bit.

"Hm?"

"I would fuck you if Kizzy wasn't sleeping right next you, make you feel better than you have these past few days." Your face heats up, you put your hand over your mouth to avoid making a noise. Suddenly a hand wraps around you, Kizzy. Now you're stuck in the middle.

#highandlowfanfic #highandlowfluff #highandlowsuggestive #high and low fanfic #high and low Kizzy #High and low Kaito #KizzyxKaitoxReader #poly #polyamory #polyamorous #elixirol0gy #request #requests open

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yoonyia · 4 months

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you know yesterday I realized that I wasent actually using my brain and ironically said "I've been going on auto pilot for over a year" and then today I decided I wouldent do that and oh my lord do I feel my brain actually working, like I just decided to do better and it fucking worked, either that or my brain is really capable of going on auto pilot for that long, like it's not disassociation its genuinely like a switch of 'yea so all controls are off except the basic requirements everyone snooze now' and the fact that if that was true means the reason I kept feeling like something was missing and my brain had a barrier inside it that blocked off parts of my head was because it did, that was real and I did it on purpose. Someone who has more psychology knowledge please if you have time come and explain this shit.

I'm sorry and I'm not tired, what's going on.

I'm genuinely confused, I never really struggled a lot with math but today I legitimately sat down and did 3 extra pages without noticing and got all of them correct, like I usually have an 90~95% accuracy so every 20 questions I would get one maybe 2 wrong. I did like 120 questions and all of them were right. This is genuinely ubsurd. YOU KNOW HOW MUCH STUFF I THOUGHT ABOUT TODAY WITHOUT GETTING OVERWHELMED??? LIKE I SAW SO MUCH MORE STUFF ON MY WAY TO AND FROM SCHOOL LIKE I OPENED A THIRD EYE OR SOMETHING. OH YEA THAT FISH IN THE CORNERS OF YOUR VISION YOU SAW ON PASSING? YOURE JUDGING THE WATER QUALITY AND SURVIVABILITY OF THAT FISH NOW FOR SOME REASON AND ITS NOT THROWING OFF YOUR NORMAL TRAIN OF THOUGHT. OH YEA AND REMEMBER HOW YOUR MEMORY WAS BAD, NOT ANYMORE SOMEHOW, YOU REMEMBER THE DETAILS OF THAT ONE DREAM YOU HAD WHEN YOU WERE 3, YOU REMEMBER WHERE YOU HAD IT, WHO YOU WERE WITH WHEN YOU WOKE UP AND THE EXACT SENSATION OF WHAT THE DREAM WAS LIKE. And if this was weird to me or uncomfortable I would be like "guess my brains chemicals finally decided to do its job for the first time" and move on BUT NO I LIVED LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME AT ONE POINT AND IM VERY SURE OF IT.

I also found out today I was at the top percent in some standardized testing, I know those tests suck but I did not know that, I was never the top bracket of anything so the fact I was in like the top what, 4%? in everything????? IN ALL THE TESTS???? WHAT AM I, A HUMAN BEING WITH A GOOD BRAIN???? I DIDNT EVEN TRY IN THOSE TESTS I FINISHED 20 MINUTES EARLY AND DREW ON MY NOTE SHEET AND FELL ASLEEP. I'm gonna shut up now because this all sounds like I'm bragging but someone please tell me if this is a psychological thing that happens or if I'm gonna get to name a phenomenon

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gumsnail682 · 2 years

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(I wrote this in the middle of class lol, anyway enjoy this really short fic)

(Word count:719)

~Lucifers sick day~

The day started out as normal, you woke up, untangled yourself from the cuddle pile on your bed and got ready for the day. Slowly the other brothers would follow your lead and make their way to the dining table.

Today something was off, Lucifer, who was always the first one there, still hasn't arrived. "Where's Lucifer?" You asked, "Maybe he overslept, or better, died in his sleep." Satan and Belphie laughed to themselves and you just frowned at them. "I'm gonna go check on him." You got up and quickly made your way to Lucifer's room, knocking on his door. "Lucifer? Are you ok in there?" It took a moment for him to respond, "I'm fine, go back downstairs and eat." Something was definitely wrong, Lucifer's voice was more raspy than usual, and he sounded completely drained of energy. "Lucifer are you.. sick?" You heard a gentle cough come from him, "I'll be right back." You made your way back downstairs while texting Diavolo, telling him that Lucifer was sick. Diavolo happily gave you both the day off so you could care for Lucifer.

You briefly explained the situation to the brothers then went to make some soup for Lucifer. You weren't sure how to really care for a demon but you'd definitely try. "Lucifer, I made you some soup, can I come in?" Lucifer's response was faster this time, "Yes." You entered his room and pulled a chair up beside his bed. You've never seen Lucifer look so unkept. His hair was messy and he looked paler, sweat covered his forehead and he just looked awful.

Deciding not to comment on it you helped him sit up before setting the breakfast tray over his lap. "Be careful, it's hot. Is there anything else I can get you? Water?" You didn't know what he needed and hoped he wasn't too sick to tell you. "Water would be nice. You really don't have to do this, I don't want you missing your classee." He expressed his concern, "I already texted Diavolo, don't worry." Lucifer nodded then you went to get some water for him.

When you came back he had finished most of the soup and was resting his eyes, opening them when he heard you sit beside him. "Here, drink." You set the cup down and took the damp cloth you grabbed on the way back and placed it on his forehead. "Thank you." You were glad he accepted your help with little resistance. "It's no problem at all. Your health comes first."

When he finished his soup and water you set the tray on the ground beside you. "You should sleep." You said as you helped him lay back down, replacing the towel on his head. "Would you.. stay with me?" He blurted without thinking, "Of course, anything for you." Lucifer reached out for your hand and you happily held his. You brushed your thumb across his knuckles as he fell asleep, you were happy knowing he trusted you enough to let you care for him.

The next morning Lucifer woke up and you were asleep in the chair you were sitting on when he fell asleep. He felt much better and smiled knowing you actually did stay with him. Lucifer gently moved you onto the bed and held you close. He gently caressed your hair as you slept with a soft grin on his face.

You awoke to the soothing feeling of him caressing you, "Morning Lucifer, feeling any better?" You asked, "Much better. Thank you MC." You rubbed the sleep from your eyes and moved to fix his messy hair. "I'm sorry you had to see me like that." Lucifer signed, "Don't be, you don't have to look your best all the time. You need to relax every once in a while or you'll really burn out one day. Remember Lucifer, you are worth more than your accomplishments. You mean so much to me and everyone else, I wish you'd rely on us more, I wish you'd rely on me more." You admitted, Lucifer seemed to think for a moment. "I.. will try." You brightened up at that, "How about we go get some breakfast? You must be hungry since you were sleeping all day yesterday." You giggled, "Yes, I am quite hungry. Let's go."

#obey me lucifer x mc #obey me luficer #obey me #oneshots

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pbandjesse · 11 months

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It is the 4th of July! Which is a strange holiday and felt less than normal. Like I felt like there wasn't as many fireworks in the week's leading up and I didn't see as many things in stores and I just feel like the world doesn't care about any holidays much anymore like it kind of feels like what's the point even. I tried to have a good day though but man was it hard at times.

I slept okay last night but the rain was very loud and pretty scary. They over the ear headphones were a very good investment and made my evening a lot more pleasant. I thought I fell asleep around 11:30 but I must have fallen asleep earlier because apparently the power went out last night and I never noticed. Some of that is that I had my battery lamp on and it wasn't that warm in here so I guess I just didn't notice the fans going off. But I missed it completely.

The only reason I was really aware was because my walkie was dead when I woke up. And apparently it had only come back on a little while before we all woke up. So there was no breakfast and there wasn't much of anything. I wandered to the office to figure out what was going on. And to let Heather know that the our building is continuing to flood. I actually just noticed how much mud is underneath the one shelf. It is not good. I'm going to have to do something about that at some point. But she said that we'll come up with a plan on how to make it better and save the building is best we can.

Then I went to the lodge to see if there was yogurt because that was all I wanted for breakfast and I don't have any of my own yogurt left. But then I remember that there was no power so they weren't putting food out. But just as I was there a truck was coming up with the breakfast items they purchased to hand out to the kids and I helped Heather open up all the containers and all the boxes. And I separated bananas and then once all the kids were seated I walked around handing out go-karts. And I got my own Go-Gurt. Which wasn't my favorite flavor but it was still nice. And made me feel a little bit better.

My first program was very late. They ended up only having about 25 minutes of art but I'm glad they came. My real frustration though was that one of my looms from yesterday went missing. So I couldn't use them. So I decided to create cardboard looms for everyone and that worked just fine. Honestly it might have been better because then they got to keep them if they wanted to. It's just like a lot of creating that I don't love that I would have liked to do during my prep week but there's not a lot I can do about it now. It's fine. It was just frustrating. I hope it comes back.

Blanche did feel very bad that They were so late. I think because the power went out their phone had died and they didn't have another alarm. And I'm just glad that they were able to come at all. They were nice girls. And my next group that came was nice as well and honestly everyone did a really good job today. I didn't get as much sewing done in the morning because I had to make so many cardboard pieces but everyone was really sweet and I had a good time.

Lunch was terrible. I'm really glad that I brought mac and cheese with me because I knew how disappointed I was going to be in the food. And I was disappointed. They never brought me a vegetarian option so I just had one of the sad sandwiches that they put out which just had bologna lettuce and tomato on it. Some of them had cheese. I took one of the ones with cheese and I took the bologna off and it was fine. I'm glad that I brought my own food though. Because I don't think I would have made it through the afternoon.

I would come up to the arts building just to have my half an hour alone and just about 5 minutes into that Someone knocked on the door to drop something off. They were very apologetic for messing with my darkness time. And then almost as soon as I sat down someone else knocked on the door. Except this time it was my group that wasn't supposed to be there for almost 20 minutes. And I was like no this is my break. And they looked shocked that I would not just let them come in. And I was like no no this is my break. You need to take them somewhere else. And they were like what and I was like no and I closed the door.

And then I had a very mini meltdown because I was just so frustrated that people can't respect the schedule. I don't know what to tell you at this point like I'm not just going to start my programs early because you are here and I'm especially not going to let you come early if I have another group here. Which is what happened later in the day. I had my bond coaching group and they were very good and it was very fun to sit and work with them. And just talk about nothing and everything and just enjoy a break in the afternoon. For them. And I'm sitting back there and there's 15 minutes left in their program and we were about to clean up in like 5 minutes when my next day cramp group shows up and I'm like you are too early. And they're like well we're here. And I'm like I'm with another group. What do you want me to do you need to take them to do something else. And it was only five of them but you still need to go and take them to do something else. So they did and they would come back but while their kids were pretty good they had very filthy mouths and I had to keep telling them that things were not camp appropriate and I was just shocked that that was happening. I kept telling them absolutely not the conversation is over and they kept trying to push but I was not flexible on that.

We finished up the day and I had heard that we were going to be having a pool party tonight for the 4th of July. I had planned on going swimming at 4:15 but then I was like well maybe I'll wait but then I got very very hot and I decided I would just go down there and stick my feet in the water and read my book while they did pool canoes.

But the water felt so nice that I decided to get in and then CJ was there and the horse girls come up in the barn. And we swam for a while and it was just really nice. Eventually me and CJ got out and we sat and some chairs to try to dry off. And we just talked about stress and all the things that have been kind of going wrong with camp this year and ways that we thought maybe we could fix it for ourselves. And pretty soon I decided I needed to go have a snack.

almost immediately my body was like oh snack we're going to fall apart. And I started shaking and getting very woozy. And so we went up to the arts building and I made a peanut butter sandwich and I gave CJ a piece of cheese and a pretzel and it helped us feel a lot better.

Eventually we went down to dinner. And it was actually really good. There were biscuits which were excellent but would have been better with jelly. I asked the kitchen for a jelly but they said they only put jelly out of breakfast which I think is stupid. And they had tater tots and green beans and I had a little bit of pasta salad. I tried the vegetarian chicken dish but it was highlight or yellow and very gross. So I did not eat that. I'm going to possibly talk to the office again tomorrow because the vegetarian options have been so bizarre. But I honestly was full at the end of my meal for the first time in like a week. So that was really nice and then I decided I would go parts and crafts to read for a while until the pool party.

It was pretty fun. I swam with CJ and Annabelle for a while. They didn't let us in the pool until about 8:00. So we all sat with our feet in the water and just talked and we played together ball which was very funny. And I told a child that the lordship he bought on the internet was not real and he kept calling me a dream killer and I said yes I absolutely am going to kill your dream you are not a Lord. And he's like well it's on my learner's permit. And then he beat me at tetherball and he kept calling me the dream killer. Which I thought was hilarious. And swimming was so nice. I did get mascara all over my face but I didn't even care I was having such a good time.

I got a little too cold after about an hour though and I got out and took a shower. But then the shower water made me smell like metal I have no idea why but it's very gross. So I'll probably go home tomorrow night to take an actual shower because that was disgusting. I told Cece who runs the pool this year And she said that that was very concerning. I am also very concerned that the water would smell like metal.

Eventually after sitting with a couple counselors for a while and giving someone the light up bracelet I found ( she's from Turkey and I wanted her to feel welcomed on her first 4th of July), I went up to the hacienda so I would have a good spot to watch the fireworks.

But that meant I missed the popsicles. Because I didn't know there was going to be popsicles. I tried to text CJ but she did not see it. I yelled down to Tony and he was going to throw one but I was like do not do that I will not catch it. And so he came all the way up to the top and brought me a popsicle and it was very sweet of him.

And the fireworks were fun. I was pretty sure they weren't going to be the best fireworks because Cody went and bought them and he's a fire marshal. But he got a couple good ones. And I enjoyed it and I enjoyed all the kids getting very excited. I still did not like that I smelled like metal though and I came back up to the art building to wash my face and try to get some of it off.

Putting on my daytime lotion that smells like oranges helped a little bit. But now I am just really ready to rest. I feel so beat up. I'm pretty comfortable though and while I'm annoyed that there is mud in my building. I feel pretty positive and I'm hoping that tomorrow I can just continue feeling that way. And things will be good.

I hope that you guys all have a good 4th of July and that you are being safe. I hope you take care of each other and take care of yourselves. Good night everybody.

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nathank77 · 2 days

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5/27/24

6:45 p.m Significantly Added to 7 p.m/ Edited Added to a little and Edited 7:15 p.m

I slept like a baby. I fell asleep around 8 a.m. I was worried I was going to have to take another 25MG Hydroxyzine and take my first 25MG of Benadryl. Cause I wasn't asleep by 8 a.m, I kept my eyes closed for like 17 minutes, used the bathroom and then passed out shortly after. I woke up a few times. At around 1 p.m I took a 25MG Benadryl and went back to sleep. I kinda slept until 5:15 p.m or so it's gross but whatever.

I had a bunch of dreams but a couple of them really stood out to me. I had a trauma dream- I was laying there, "black heading" and I took a hydroxyzine 25MG on top of my other one and a Benadryl 25mg. I actually thought it really happened until I checked my sleep tracker. I remember in the nightmare, I thought maybe I slept for 10 minutes but I kept laying there with my eyes closed accomplishing nothing and then I ended up taking drugs.

If it wasn't for my sleep tracker I actually would have believed I did it. This is how traumatized I am and exactly why I have a sleep tracker. I really thought I did sleep and took another 25mg Hydroxyzine and 25mg of Benadryl. Thankfully that was a nightmare and thankfully I have a sleep tracker. I just wish I would stop having the trauma dreams of microsleep.

I had another dream where my Methimazole was not working and I went hyper I believe. I was freaking out about it. I was on a campus like bully the video game and I was walking with a girl and there was a patch of unknown weeds and flowers and normally I'd walk around it. The girl did. But I wanted to work on my ocd and I walked through it and my thumb got pricked by a weird reddish/green shiny tall weed. I remember looking at my thumb, and seeing the thorn, it was kinda sticking out where I chopped off a small piece of my thumb when I was a teenager bc I was carrying an open razor blade in my pocket to cut myself and I stuck my hand in my pocket and a huge small piece of my thumb came off.. I can still see the scar... it's almost gone though.. anyways the thorn was sticking out of that and it turned bright-ish green... i was freaking out thinking that my ocd protects me and this is why I should have avoided the patch of weeds and then i woke up.

Symbolism- well the dream about the Methimazole was obv I want to go into remission. To be clear that dream was the same dream as the green thumb one. It was a long one. I think the green thumb dream was Symbolic of me wanting to work on my ocd but I do also think it protects me... beyond that- the fact it stuck out of my chopped off piece of thumb scar where the thorn was. And only the scar turned bright green. It prob was Symbolic of how I want to kill myself bc of my mental illnesses.

I don't really remember my other dreams but I wish I did they were significant today and I had a lot of them.

Anyways tonight I'm taking a 1MG of xanax, 2MG of Melatonin and 25MG of Hydroxyzine around 3:30 a.m. I want to fall asleep around 5:30 or 6 a.m and wake up earlier so I can have time before my oil change and potential car wash depending on the weather this upcoming week.

I need a whole car wash but I want the outside clean to last. Although my interior really needs to be clean. So I may not do it tomorrow cause It's raining Thursday. Maybe I'll wait a little but I have a feeling no matter what my car is going to get rained on a few days after the car wash. I don't really need to take a 1MG of xanax this week for anything but- I figured I should do it once a week to keep my circadian rhythm closer to 6-7:30 a.m. And before the oil change makes the most sense cause I'm going to Southington and Maybe I can go grocery shopping before and make phone calls. I prob will do the car wash cause I go to a place in New Britain that hand washes it...

Anyways I'm probably going to watch Dexter all day. I don't really want to game and hallucinate. And yesterday I did a lot despite most of it being a waste of time. I want to get my gym membership ASAP. I'm still trying to wait until the 1st... I'm going to go major grocery shopping Saturday cause it's the 1st...

I'm still hallucinating go figure and my dating sites experience is still trash but I switched some of my photos with the new ones I took last night cause I'm looking good and I don't want to body catfish.

We will see if I am hyper soon enough. I used these photos:

I used the Nike long sleeve shirt on all of them. The other Nike shirt on some. The Adidas on some and the dress shirt with the sleeve down on all and the rolled up on a couple. I have two fb dating profiles, one okcupid and one tinder. I put the jacket one on all of them. I varietized it... I also have these two pictures still up. Oldies but goodies:

Also I got to get water this week I'm freaking out about it bc I saw the guy there a week ago. I still have a case and a half so if he is there Wednesday I'll wait until Saturday.. I guess..

BTW I still believe there could be something there with my potential soulmate. I randomly thought, "I'm outsourcing for a reason and making it obvious." If she's a single mom and I can't provide financially she would need to make more money but then again it's every therapists dream to have their own private practice and maybe I just want to believe. I thought a few days ago around when I talked about how I wish I did icbt with her, "I still have the syllabus." That was weird. I also thought a while ago, "sometimes I worry your ocd will make the relationship not work." Something like that. And I don't blame her if it was her cause I mean she knows how bad it is... but yea I can't be delusional. And although i still love her and I only want her I can't wait forever for her to talk to me. I'm going to message her on her birthday. I suppose for now I got to assume she's happy with her husband. She's got her lips on his face on her Facebook. So I feel stupid even thinking there is a possibility she loves me. I just want her to be happy and I'm looking for a partner.

She's not an egg in my basket cause if she was she would be the only one... and I can't be stupid about it. I don't think she sees me as a client but she's waiting a long fucking time to talk to me even if it is just friendship..

Beyond that, I'm waiting for the Kristen status update it's driving me crazy. I want to know if they are taking my case already, the confirmation doesn't tell you. It's just that they received your documents.. they tell you reasons they might send your report elsewhere on it...

This week I got realistically nothing to do but the oil change/car wash and grocery shopping/therapy. I'm going to have a red bull day Friday. Go major grocery shopping Saturday and then have another red bull day Sunday. The following week I got my T-shot and I got to get my xanax. My schedule has really cleared off...

If I don't do the car wash I might sign up for the gym this week... I'm excited to start working on my body more. I have never dieted and went to the gym. I expect amazing results in a few months, look at my shoulders in the photo below yea I'm flexing but i haven't worked out.. also I put my shirtless photo on a few dating sites but not all cause then I'm out as trans. It could help me weed out assholes. I didnt put it on okcupid but still.

I'm sucking in a bit but I'm going to look amazing. I'm in love with my exterior appearance. Low key cocky. But not really. I'm still a nerd. Despite my self love and confidence I can't find a gf lol but whatever.

Tomorrow I'm going to wear a tank top and my fox shorts. I'm excited. Might as well dress nice to go out.

Once I get into 34s, I'm going to go up to the attic and try to find my old 32 waist line pants. I had a lot of them. I never threw them out. My dream is to be in a 32 waist size pants. And mediums or smalls shirts... I'm really excited.

I figured I kept my fat clothes. And my thin clothes were so expensive they are worth holding on to incase since I've thinned out to 150 twice in my life time. Most of my thin clothes are in my closet.. the pants though are absolutely up in the attic. I will need to replace most of my polo's and buttons ups bc of my shoulders. I'll need some more t shirt but not as many as I thought... def need pants/shorts depending on where I plateau.

I hope I'm not hyper. But even if I am- I'll still lose weight when I go to the gym and I figure out where I plateau and then work with it. Once when I was 145 I wasn't hyper..... and I wasn't going to the gym. Idk what my true weight is but I will figure it out soon. College threw that shit off. I always lost weight over the summer and gained living on campus. Go figure.

The second time I was 145 I had Graves disease but I was working out. I know I wasn't hyper when I was 145 the first time cause I had to do bloodwork every 3 months for my endo for a few years at least before he changed it to every 6 months... so I truly was 145 at 2 years on testosterone and my thyroid was normal. Then I went to college and went up to like 175 or something. Maybe 160.

My hoodies make me look fat cause they are oversized but they are comfy.

My Ray-Bans are still working but I'm going to watch TV all day and see if my eyes strain hopefully they work better than the Arons.

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dopaminergicaddictions · 11 days

Text

5/18/24

5:10 Edited 5:15 p.m Added to 5:27 p.m

I woke up at 4 p.m. I've woke up like every 2 hours. It was really fucking annoying. Needing to pee.. I took benadryl 25MG at 10:51 and then 1:11 p.m after using the bathroom two times. I didn't sleep well and I woke up with soliliquy at 10:51 a.m.

I actually dreamed about John. We were playing a video game together and I mean we were like living in the game but sometimes it would flash to us sitting at a computer desk. The game was like some kind of Pokémon hybrid game with minecraft. We were building a house and defeating monster and clearing the area for our build.

I was bad at the game. He was nice to me cause he always is. It flashed to us being at the computer desk and he was making a vest with both of us back to back on the back of the vest. In a cartoonist way. He was an excellent drawer. It was really cute and colorful and he told me to keep cutting down that area. And then I woke up in the dream and I realized I fell asleep next to him and he had taken my glasses off which was sweet.

He fell asleep next to me at the desk with his glasses on and he woke up very shortly after I did. Then I started talking in my sleep and woke up in real life.

The dream was nice bc the game was cool. I felt safe and loved and valued. I think it had a couple meanings-

1) John is my best friend. My very best friend. He is the only friend I can talk to everyday who always tries to make contact.

2) I should game with him more often. He doesn't care if I'm good or not he just likes spending time with me. I've seen his Xbox live friends list. Cause he gave me his email and password to account share and he doesn't have very many friends. He is selective and I'm one of the only people he likes.

3) the vest was I think symbolic of me actually meaning something to him. Me falling asleep next to him was me feeling safe with him.

4) maybe I could have a significant bond with a person as just a friend. I thought it was so sweet he took off my glasses when I fell a next to him. I've never had anyone do that for me. I'd hope my next partner did. If I ever fall asleep without drugs that is lol

But it made me feel cared for and everything.

I'm going to text him in a few. I know I'm lucky to have him. Idc that he is cis. I just feel like more alone cause I know my life is missing a romantic bond which is very important as an adult. But he actually is my best friend. Katelyn hardly talks to me. Tee is never around and hardly talks to me but if I text John today or tomorrow I'll hear from him that day. If I wanted to game a few times a week I'm sure he would give me 2 days a week at least. I'm the reason we don't hang out as much as we could.

In other news, my mother got admitted with 2 broken ribs I think. She's missing the Kansas concert tonight. She's staying for pain maintenance. For potentially 2 days. My sister didn't say anything about her head.

I don't know if I should go and see her or not. I mean I'm fucking mad.

My hallucination at the er last night was awful... then I got home and had hardly anytime to immerse myself into tv and it seemed to make the hallucination worse... cause it was just talking constantly as I tried to listen to the dialogue of king of the hill. I heard the characters not the voice but I heard the voice going and it drives me crazy....

And every break of silence I heard that God awful voice. Normally it's more under control but of course I got less sleep yesterday and I stayed up longer than 17 hours bc of my circadian rhythm bc I woke up at 1 p.m yesterday and stayed up until at least 7 a.m today.... which those days towards the end it always gets worse and throw in anger and being upset and having anxiety... and that worsens it too....

Everytime I woke up the voice was incredibly annoying. I had to keep turning on my tv and using the sleep timer... and then I woke up and tried to be in silence to think but I can't it is horribly intrusive today. Of course I'm angry still. I'm upset. Idk if I want to see my mom.... and today is laundry day. I got 500 things to wash and that means it's ocd day.

So I'm listening to silverstein blasting the voice out so I don't chose to overdose.

Idk if I'm going to go see my mother. I got to grab a chicken, Detergent, and some vegetarian food, a little bit of cheese and some juice.. I want to game and de-stress and relax and I need some TV time... cause if I watch TV a lot the voice almost doesn't exist....

I also am thinking about using my hdcp bypasser and trying to play a silent hill game even though no one cared how much work it takes to bypass hdcp and no one watches despite how much money I've spent trying to bypass it..

Either way I'm stressed cause I need to leave the house soon and get food and I am going to double wash the washer with bleach bc she washed poop and pee towels in it.... bleach gives me ocd too bc I'm always scared of it splashing on me.

If I go to the hospital bc she doesn't wash her hands, I won't want to hug her or touch her cause of the dried blood. I also am still very fucking angry at her. Like incredibly...

I'll get over it but today already sucks. I don't want more ocd behaviors... I don't want more things to do. And I mean, "what's your daughters name?"

"Don't make me go there. Which one?"

Why the fuck should I go see her she's not dying and she has no respect for me and how much more I fucking hallucinated to be there and put myself through that beyond that- all I hear is my fucking deadname from this hallucination. 24/7. She knows that..

If she had said skye and deadname I would have walked out. I almost walked out when she said what she said. At that point I stopped talking to her and listening to her which made me hallucinate worse but I would have rather heard the voice than listen to someone bitch about everything right after making that comment.

I also didn't want to listen to her being fucking high and drunk.

Right now I'm going to put myself first. Get the laundry going. Go grocery shopping. Then decide but I don't fucking want to go.

"Which one?" FUCK YOU BITCH

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1-deadgirlwalking-1 · 2 months

Text

3/31/2024

i do not remember a ton tbh, i keep forgetting to write stuff down and now i don't remember most of what i've done the past several days. haha.

anyway what i do remember is i've been doing the dishes a lot, like not just putting them away after they're clean, i've been putting dirty dishes in the washer without freaking out from the grossness. and i even swept a few times so, i'm getting slightly less incompetent every day!

we celebrated easter (not on the actual day of easter but the day before) which i didn't know we were doing, my mom got everyone a bunch of personalized gifts in a little basket. i immediately ran off to my room after we opened everything, which she didn't get upset about or object to at all, and then when i got to my room i cried bcus it was so sweet.

like she got me my favorite sweet (pocky) bcus i said i loved it but i could never find it in the stores, and she got me new inside slippers because i accidentally got my old ones dirty and haven't cleaned them yet, AND she got them in pink and fluffy bcus she knows i love the color pink and fluffy stuff. she got me a little notebook with sparkly markers (i'm now using it as a notebook for my japanese learning) bcus she knows i like writing, and she got me two face masks for us to do together. she also got me some hair ties and candies. and i think she might've gotten me the hair ties because i lost one of mine recently and was asking my dad if he had seen it while she was in the room. it was very unexpected and sweet.

and then a day later she asked me if i liked them and was acting very nonchalant and normal about it, like "oh papa didn't let me talk about gifts because your little cousin still doesn't know the easter bunny isn't real, i was just at the store and got you stuff i thought you'd like"?? WAAAHH?????

then yesterday the new hunger game movie became available to stream so my mom came in my room to suggest we watch it together after chores, i swept most of the kitchen and we did face masks. was very fun. but whenever i moved too fast like when laying down my entire vision would loop over and move around and id get super dizzy and disoriented. i looked it up and it's called vertigo, i didn't actually know what vertigo was until that very moment.

ALSO in the middle of the movie i had to walk the dog and we walked around for like ten minutes after my mom insisted the dog would pee as soon as we went out and then she came out and was like "she STILL hasn't peed?" and she did not i SWEAR, she did not pee the entire time she just walked around and repeatedly kept trying to eat my leg off and almost pulled down my pants one time which was insane. anyway in this conversation i found out the dog always pees almost immediately when my parents walk her but when she's out with me i have to walk around the entire house 2 or more times and be out with her for like 20 minutes before she pees. WHY???

today my mom made a bunch of food i didn't eat because i forgot to leave my room at a normal time. then by time i went to the kitchen all the food was gone, i assume there's some left overs in the fridge so i'll eat those tomorrow.

when i left to go get a snack earlier my family was watching "the beekeeper" i saw an ad for it a while back, and then a few minutes later someone else sent it in the family groupchat because my dad is a beekeeper. very funny to us. apparently it's literally just a movie about a beekeeper who beats up and kills a ton of bad guys which is also hilarious to me.

but i didn't do anything today, i watched youtube videos. a bunch of really long ones. i fell asleep a few times while watching one and kept having to rewind when i woke up. also my right ear keeps swelling up on the inside EVERY TIME I LAY DOWN FOR MORE THAN LIKE 30 MINUTES!!! and today inside my left ear i swear i could hear a buzzing sound like a cicada INSIDE my ear and it didn't go away for like 10 minutes i thought there was something in my ear or i was hallucinating and it was driving me crazy. looked it up and it's probably tinnitus. i didn't know tinnitus could sound like so many things i thought it was only ringing.

i'm going to ask my mom mom to take me to a doctor about my ears because when i looked up my symptoms online everyone on every post was like, "GO TO THE DOCTOR IMMEDIATELY OR IT WILL ONLY GET WORSE UNTIL YOU EVENTUALLY LOSE YOUR HEARING." and i think that checks out cause it has only gotten worse with time and one lady said vertigo was a symptom of her ear problems, and that because of them she had to get a giant needle and draining tube inside her ear that was super painful. and i don't want that.

today also i had a dream and when i looked in the mirror i had SUPER cool makeup on and at that exact moment i realized i was dreaming. i stared really hard at the makeup to try and remember what it looked, and instinctively pulled out my phone to take a picture, then i remembered i was dreaming and was like "i wish you could take photos in dreams and they show up in the real world, i'm gonna forget it."

and that's literally all i remember from my dream last night, i forgot all of my dream for most of the day until my friend said something that reminded me of that one part, and all because of the fact i intentionally tried to remember it. but even then i don't remember exactly what the makeup looked like. i know that it was trad goth with a white base and what the eyeliner + eyebrows looked like, and that's basically it. if i tried to recreate it irl i'm sure get it pretty close.

anyway i still have 15 late assignments to do and obviously haven't studied at all. sigh.

that's my life at the moment, buh byeeee.

#blog #what tags should i even use

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stormwinddeliveries · 1 year

Text

Day 3 5/15

Journal Entry: *Noodles hand writing is immaculate. Near calligraphy.*

Today was better than yesterday. Even if I felt the worst today than I did yesterday, somehow, surprisingly. Considering I did feel actually awful yesterday. Though I suppose that was more emotional than physical. This one, how I'm feeling right now, is certainly more physical than emotional. Which is why its both a better day and a...worse day?

Morrigan is sick and really didn't sleep well last night. If she slept at all, really. Then with Jasper still recovering and my body not seeming to be kicking my own cold, or whatever it is, as much as I'd like it to? My body is just fatigued beyond its limit. Which is good I haven't been drinking because boy, would I feel so much worse and bogged down if I had been. I just wish the two felt better, and everything finally worked out for longer than a day or two at max.

No one from the Faire showed up for the market tonight. Normally I would have peddled my bread and stuff but I was feeling too gods awful to even humor peddling my own wares. While I was saving the spot for the Faire however, someone I knew from Westfall showed up. I pulled a gun on him. He pulled a gun on me. We laughed. His lady got real weird and angry that he talked to me at all. Spinning this whole thing about some fucking jealous nonsense I don't understand. Granted I don't really get jealous women. Or women who try and gaslight their partners into doing shit through that kinda behavior. Toddler behavior, bad.

The guy also offered me work since I mentioned I didn't have fifty-six gold to drop on a cloak like his woman did. But I declined the offer. Mostly from the look he gave but also knowing that nothing good comes out of Westfall unless its good brought by your own hand. So I feel rather proud of that for myself. Even if shortly after that I up and just left the market area cause his lady was almost thrown out and I was too tired to deal with her all out yelling. I hate when people cause issues in public thinking its charming or something.

Then I think I full on fell asleep outside the Lamb on the wall. Couldn't tell you for how long I was out, but I certainly was gone to the world for a good little bit. When I woke up I went on a walk, and ran into Miss Alice along with some few other friends. She introduced me to one of hers AND I got to hold a slime pet...thing. Someone had! The slimes name was Jim and if anything happens to Jim I'm killing everyone and then myself.

Around there I went to the clinic to get my throat and stuff looked at. The doctor person said they were pretty sure my tonsils are infected, and they gave me medicine to take. Saying I should be feeling better by tomorrow. Hope it isn't like that medicine that makes you poop cause it kills all your inner gut stuff. I fucking hate that medicine.

After THAT, I went back to the group of friends. As they all trickled off to go to bed, my friend Flowers and I were the sole few that remained. Which means it lead to us kind of just...talking. We talked about a lot of surprisingly deep stuff. About his old work, elections, his role in society, our own experience with drinking. He gave me three sticks of chewing gum to entertain myself with! I don't think I'm going to chew them, but instead, keep them as anxiety mementos to hold in my pocket. Like how I use carrying around this journal as a way to distract my hands when I'm reading for something. It all couldn't come at a better time too, because, well.

I normally don't make it longer than three days. This being the third lets me know that this sobriety thing is about to get way, way, way harder. I'm certain everyone thinks the hard part has started or something. But really my own threshold for time hasn't even begun. I don't know where I'd be if it weren't for Jasper, Morgie, my friends...I would have likely drank yesterday. Drank today. Might have even drank tomorrow for all I know.

Lynn

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lovelybarnes · 3 years

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restless- b. barnes

pairings: bucky barnes x reader, mentions of natasha romanoff, sam wilson, and steve rogers warnings: mentions of nightmares and clingy bucky but it’s mostly fluff about: bucky can’t sleep without y/n a/n: i was going to post this yesterday but i fell asleep :| my computer was literally open and nearly dead when i woke up lmao

today marks one week that you’ve been gone, and with it, the official shortest amount of sleep that bucky has gotten in a week. he supposes it’s sightly pathetic that he can’t sleep well- or, really, at all- without you, but you continuously tell him you chase his nightmares away for him, and without you there to make them disappear, where else will they go but deep into the crevices of his mind, where they’ll hide long enough for him to let his guard down and lull himself to sleep, only to wake up with the ugly memories of things he hoped he’d forgotten. he’s constantly told that his attachment to you is overbearing- not by you, though. never by you- because it must be, with how much he clings to your side, always touching some part of you so that he’s sure that, yes, you’re there. not a dream or an illusion, although you’re good enough to be one.

he misses every part of you; your fingers and the way they run through his hair, trace his features with such tenderness he nearly believes he is what you see, your voice and its ability to transform the most mundane words into the greatest poetry, sing soft songs into his skin until he’s fallen asleep, your eyes and how they examine him in the best way possible, glowing when they meet his.

he longs for you, but he can only imagine your smile, the bitter reminder that you’re probably showing it to some psychopath for the mission you’re on. he hates steve every time the memory is evoked, the panic that comes with your being used as bait for some of the most screwed up villains in the world only returning stronger. he’s tempted to go get you himself, uncaring if he screws up the mission because at least he’ll have you.

stark will call him pathetic, then go to bed with the love of his life, so bucky prefers keeping his thoughts about you to himself, much like he’d like to keep you. you’ve told him you can handle yourself, and bucky never doubts it, having been victim to the using of your skills when he first encountered you as the winter soldier. you kicked his ass then, and you kick any and all ass now.

it doesn’t help his sleeping schedule, though your calls do. he swears you’re an angel because there’s no way a normal human could glow like that through a screen, but you always laugh off his words and simply tell him to turn his brightness down. however, you haven’t taught him that yet, so he greets you with the same sentence every time. his smile is always brighter after your calls, the dark bruises under his eyes reduced as if he got a full night’s rest. it’s your effect on him, and as much as everyone teases you both for it, they appreciate it.

you’re due to come back in a week or two, but bucky is unsure he can wait that long, and judging from your chirpier-than-usual voice in your latest interaction, you’ve finished early, like you always do. he likes to imagine it’s because of him, behind the deprecating voice that screams at him why would it be? (the answer is that you love him and hate every second you’re away from him)

sam scoffs when he overhears him telling that to steve, sitting down next to bucky, “man, there is no way you can tell that from a phone call. even if you could, i know she’s good, but to shave two weeks off mission time? natasha hasn’t even been able to do that.” a proud smile grows on bucky’s face without his permission as he shrugs, “she’s that good,” he brags, choosing to ignore the fake gag sam sends his way.

you frown when he tells you what he thinks on your call a few hours later, lips puckering into a small pout, “how did you know? i wanted it to be a surprise!” you ask through a crackled voice. so much for state of the art technology, bucky thinks, but is glad nonetheless to hear your voice. “i know you too well, doll. you’re really coming back today?”

you nod excitedly, biting your bottom lip. “mhm! i missed you and my bed too much to stay here a moment longer. villains are such pervs,” you complain, nose scrunching. bucky’s jaw sets when he hears your words, immediately thinking the worst. “but, i’m coming back today, so it’s fine. what do you want to do when i get back?”

bucky shrugs, “be with you,” he answers simply, making you laugh. “other than that, dummy. we could watch a movie, have a little date night to make up for the one i missed while i was gone.” bucky grins at this, remembering his plans for that night. “okay,” he agrees, “we’ll watch one of those movies on my list. although sam put some weird ones.”

you concur through chuckles that pass through the phone, reminding him how much you love him. he swears an oath to never let you go again and bites back a yawn that you see right through. “you’re sleeping the moment i get back,” you instruct, and bucky nods with your words, even when the sole idea of your being within arm’s reach is obviously too enticing to pass up for sleep. “whatever you want, doll. as long as you’re here.” he replies, thinking about spending the night pressing kisses to your hair and checking for any injuries you may have withheld from him.

the sentence is dishonest and you both know it, but you leave it at that, missing him too much and sure he’ll rest with how exhausted he must be. you say goodbye without the actual words, only giving a blown kiss and a “see you later.”

bucky spends the rest of the hours without you thinking of you, skimming through the words written in the little blue notebook you got him to replace his old one. that one sits on his dresser, the disuse proven by the layer of dust that covers it. the names he spent hours agonizing over, tracing his fingers over the indents made by the pen, are hidden by its cover. they never fade from his mind, though. only half of the pages of the one you gave him are blank now, and the ones that aren’t are bright and white, inviting him to drop his pen on the lines and jot whatever reference he didn’t understand but wants to. he eyes the names of the movies and shows, some accompanied by quotes that refer to them. “new girl: nick miller,” he reads, remembering how one of your friends said he was the avenger version of the character. “friends: ‘joey doesn’t share food,” sam told him that one when he didn’t let him have any of his chips. he looks at clueless, recalling the way all of his teammates stare at scott whenever the movie comes up. there are a couple pages like this, some of them recommendations and others titles he kept hearing. tonight, he decides on starting a new show, but he leaves the actual show up to you to decide.

you arrive a couple hours later, when stars have littered the darkness that bled through the sky. it’s all very rom-com-filmesque, the way you light up when you see his face- even through how tired you clearly are- and how you jump into his arms, ignoring the ache in your muscles because the way his arms wrap around you seems to make it disappear. he gathers you in his arms and kisses everywhere on your face, treasuring your laugh and the feeling of your lips pressing to his shoulder when you hug him again.

even when you pull away, he doesn’t let go of your hand, flesh fingers tracing small circles into your skin. you don’t complain, even when steve shoves papers in front of you and asks you to sign them with a sheepish look. sam comes by and teases bucky lightheartedly, hounding bucky to let you have both your hands. you chuckle at his request and squeeze bucky’s fingers, kissing the back of his hand, “oh, no, he better not,” you half-joke. he smiles, red tinting his cheeks as he gently draws you closer.

you don’t feel like driving at the moment, and you need to water your plants, completely sure that wanda forgot to do it, so you end up going to your room, even though you spend most of your time at his own room or your apartment outside the compound. you can tell how little the room has been used by the spotless counters and floors, furniture clean of any of the knickknacks you usually leave. you only sleep here when bucky leaves for long missions, his absence is overly blatant when he’s gone, and your plants keep you from feeling too alone.

you usher bucky inside, tugging open your drawers to search for something for him to wear. you grin at the soft fabric under the pads of your fingertips, recalling the memory of stealing them from bucky’s closet to soak in his scent when you couldn’t have the real thing. the considerable use has washed away all traces of him, and you decide that needs to be fixed, picking out clothing for him.

you change into one of his old shirts and make tea while he changes, smiling when you feel his arms wrapping around your waist and kissing your jaw. “what do you want to watch tonight?” he asks, and you contemplate it while you pour your drinks, shoveling spoons of sugar into each one to make it as sweet as possible- his favorite. “new girl, i think you’ll like it,” you reply after a moment.

he unravels his arms from around you, taking the mugs from the counter and following you to your room after you peck his cheek in thanks. “okay, i want to see what this nick miller is all about,” bucky says, making you laugh softly. “c’mon,” he urges, opening his arms for you after setting the cups down. you cuddle up to his side after you grab your computer, setting up netflix and choosing the show.

halfway through the first episode, bucky feels the fatigue hit him like a ton of bricks, hours of missed sleep catching up to him now that he’s finally relaxed and comfortable. keeping his eyes open is a job all on its own, and the sweet smell of your hair combined with the way your fingers move on his chest, softly writing letters and drawing shapes, is too much to resist.

you barely notice when he shuts his eyes, the evening of his breathing alerting you he’s succumbed to his tiredness. you stop the video and quietly shut your laptop, placing it on the bedside table while moving as little as possible. he feels you shift through your efforts, pulling you closer in his sleep. you chase away his nightmares like you always do, letting him sleep his first full night since you left.

he wakes up rejuvenated and embarrassed, sputtering out embarrassed apologies that you shush with kind reassurances and tender kisses. he’s reminded of how wonderful you are when you turn, arms extending to reach into your bag and carrying out a small stuffed animal that you say reminded you of him.

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zintranslations · 3 years

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Kaleidoscope of Death, Ch. 132

Kaleidoscope of Death by Xi Zixu Link to Chinese / Novel Updates

Chapter 132: By Day, By Night

After hanging up, Lin Qiushi got out of bed. He went to the living room to check on the door and television, making sure both those things were still the same as they had been during daytime yesterday.

After that, Lin Qiushi left the apartment in a hurry. Halfway out he even got a call from Wu Qi, asking why he wasn't at work.

"There's something I have to do." Lin Qiushi was already in a car and had honestly completely forgotten about going to work. He tried to wheedle: "Ask for time off for me."

Wu Qi, "okay, how long should I ask for?"

Lin Qiushi, "half a year?"

Wu Qi, shocked, "…half a year?? Are you planning on resigning?"

Lin Qiushi glanced at his watch, not thinking of work at all.

"Or yeah, you can just resign for me."

Wu Qi seemed like he had something to say, but whatever words were on the tip of his tongue never made it out—he only sighed: "Fine, I'll get time off for you. If there's something going on you've got to tell me, alright? Don't carry it all on your own."

Lin Qiushi made a noise of agreement, expression still pensive.

The car continued on, and over an hour later, it arrived at where Lin Qiushi wanted to go. Lin Qiushi got off, went upstairs, and knocked on the door—every motion done in a single smooth breath. The truth was, however, that these few simple motions were only possible after extensive emotional preparation done during the car ride.

The door he knocked on opened after a bit, revealing a beautiful middle-age woman—it was Ruan Nanzhu's mother.

Because before they'd entered the door, Ruan Nanzhu had taken Lin Qiushi home. Now Lin Qiushi had a clear memory of where Ruan Nanzhu's old house was. Coming here this time was simply to confirm one thing…

"Hi Auntie," Lin Qiushi greeted politely.

"Hello." The woman watched Lin Qiushi with curiosity and asked, "is there something I can help you with?"

"I wanted to ask, do you know who Ruan Nanzhu is?" Lin Qiushi asked carefully.

"Ruan Nanzhu?" The woman's tone of doubt sent Lin Qiushi's heart sinking, and the question on her face only grew stronger. "Sorry, I don't know who that is."

"Then do you know Ruan Baiye?" Lin Qiushi brought up another name—this was the name of Ruan Nanzhu's older bother.

"Baiye? He's my son…" Mama Ruan said. "He's not home right now, but he'll be back later tonight. Are you looking for him?"

Lin Qiushi, "ma'am you…only have one son?"

Mama Ruan nodded as the way she looked at Lin Qiushi got stranger and stranger. Which was fair. Suddenly coming to her house and asking questions like these, Lin Qiushi didn't seem like a normal person at all.

Lin Qiushi had no idea what else to say either. After bidding Mama Ruan goodbye, he rushed back downstairs and hurried off to another location.

Ruan Nanzhu's existence had been completely wiped. There was nobody in this world named Ruan Nanzhu, not even to his parents, and even Obsidian, the organization that he led, had stopped existing…

This time, Lin Qiushi's destination was Li Dongyuan's White Deer.

When he arrived at White Deer headquarters, Lin Qiushi discovered that the building that once belonged to White Deer was now commercial offices, labeled with the name of XX Bank. Lin Qiushi was standing in the doorway contemplating how to sneak upstairs when he saw a familiar face leave the building. That person was wearing a suit and speaking to someone beside him; judging by appearance alone, he was that baby-faced Li Dongyuan that Lin Qiushi knew.

Seeing this Lin Qiushi hurried forward and called, "Li Dongyuan!"

Li Dongyuan's feet stalled, and he glanced in Lin Qiushi's direction. With eyes both cautious and distant, he asked, "who might you be? If you'd like to discuss something please book an appointment with my secretary first."

"I—" Lin Qiushi said. "Do you know me?"

Lin Qiushi lifted an eyebrow and didn't speak. His expression though, gave Lin Qiushi an answer—he did not know Lin Qiushi, and even thought Lin Qiushi's question odd.

"You don't recognize me?" Lin Qiushi also couldn't quite convey how he was feeling just then.

"Should I recognize you?" Li Dongyuan smiled a smile that wasn't quite a smile as he scanned Lin Qiushi up and down.

Lin Qiushi suddenly recalled something else. He said, "then do you know Zhuang Rujiao?"

Li Dongyuan didn't answer, and still seemed unfamiliar with the name.

"What about Jin Yurui?" Lin Qiushi tried again.

"You know her?" Li Dongyuan's smile, however, faded. "You're one of hers, then?"

Lin Qiushi could finally be sure why some people didn't exist in this world—because they were still alive. If they still survived in the world outside the door, then they did not exist inside this door. Both Li Dongyuan and Jin Yurui were dead, so they had new identities inside this door.

And, those who had died inside the doors aside, the people who were competely unrelated to the doors did not seem affected by this rule at all. They existed both inside this door and outside it, and had nothing to do with living or dying.

"Is there anything else?" Eyeing Lin Qiushi, who was deep in thought, Li Dongyuan lifted his chin with a cold expression. "If there's nothing else why don't you take your leave? This is a place of work."

Lin Qiushi took one last look at him before turning to go.

"Who is that?" the person standing beside Li Dongyuan asked as they watched Lin Qiushi leave.

"I don't know," Li Dongyuan said. "Looks kind of familiar though. Never mind, bring me that data and let me confirm…"

Lin Qiushi left White Deer headquarters and glanced at his watch. It was already twelve noon. An idea surfaced in his mind, and Lin Qiushi got out his phone to book a roundtrip flight for C City the next morning.

There were some matters he wanted to confirm in C City; it was already too late to go today, so he could only hurry there tomorrow morning and try to make it back in one day.

Fact of the matter was, Lin Qiushi didn't want to try spending the night on an airplane. Hell knows how terrifying that would be.

After taking care of lunch at a random spot in town, Lin Qiushi returned home and took a nap. As he thought about what would happen later that evening, Lin Qiushi thought he wouldn't be able to sleep. But in fact he slept quite well, passing out the moment he hit the bed. When he woke it was already five in the afternoon. Chestnut sat by his side, meowing, looking to be hungry again.

Lin Qiushi got up and, after fixing up some food for Chestnut, called some delivery for himself. He ate while watching TV.

He saw the trailer for Tan Zaozao's new movie. From the language of the advertisement, Lin Qiushi figured out that Tan Zaozao had already won the award. The award-winning movie was exactly the same as it had been on the outside, only the director was a different person this time and not Zhang Yiqing.

This world was so very similar to the world that Lin Qiushi lived in, but there was one fundamental difference—Ruan Nanzhu, the person Lin Qiushi most wanted to see, was not here.

Good thing that was so, actually. This door, for a lot of other people, would likely be of insurmountable difficulty. Like Zhuang Rujiao. Or Cheng Yixie for that matter. That was because here, they could once again see their most beloved person…

The night deepened, and Lin Qiushi got everything ready.

Around ten in the evening, it suddenly began to rain outside.

Water came down as if tossed from a ladle, washing clean the earth scorched dry by the sun. Lin Qiushi stood by the window, watching as passersby scampered home along the sidewalks until only streetlamps were left on the empty streets, with only the occasional car passing by.

Chestnut fell asleep sprawled out on the couch. The atmosphere grew quiet. Some senseless program played on TV as a queer sort of silence began to crawl out inside the house.

Lin Qiushi smelled petrichor. He used to be quite a fan of this smell, until he encountered a particular door. After that, this tainted scent of rainwater became something a lot more unpleasant.

The hour hand turned bit by bit, and twelve o'clock was nearly here.

Lin Qiushi sat in the living room, as if a spirit waiting for the death god's verdict. The switch from day to night came, and the clock hanging on the wall finally began to ring: ding dong, ding dong, ding dong…Twelve chimes heralded in another world.

The moment it became twelve, someone was immediately knocking at his door once more. Backpack on, Lin Qiushi came to the door, and through the peephole saw a woman standing on the other side, smiling at him.

He remembered the woman's name. It was the NPC hidden among the crowd in the Sister's Drum door, Xu Jin.

"Hurry up and come out already," Xu Jin told Lin Qiushi. "Come out already, my sister's coming to find you."

Lin Qiushi didn't open the door. He heard a soft noise from the window, however, and when Lin Qiushi turned, he saw a figure pressed against the glass.

It was a person with all her skin stripped off, her body a mess of blood and flesh from head to toe. The bloody face pressed against Lin Qiushi's glass and her mouth split open, showing Lin Qiushi her stark white teeth. It looked like she was trying to open up the locked window, and judging from her motions, she seemed close to succeeding.

Opening the door looked to be the only option right now. Gritting his teeth, Lin Qiushi twisted open the door handle and faced Xu Jin, standing on the outside.

Xu Jin clearly knew what Lin Qiushi was worried about, and began to chuckle.

"How could I bear to hurt you?" A pause, as her gaze lingered on Lin Qiushi's backpack. "My diary is still in your hands. Did you give it a good read yet?"

Lin Qiushi, "…" Why did he feel like he was being teased?

But there wasn't time for him to worry about that, because Xu Jin's sister was about to come in though the window. Xu Jin grabbed Lin Qiushi by the arm and ran. The two made their way down the hall and came to the elevator.

"Go on inside, but watch out," Xu Jin said. "There are other things that want you dead."

Lin Qiushi asked, "what about you?" He recalled that Xu Jin didn't have a very good relationship with her sister.

"Me?" Xu Jin’s eyes curved up in a sudden smile. "How do you know that I don't want you dead?"

As soon as she said this, the skin on her body began to fall off patch by patch. The startled Lin Qiushi rushed into the elevator and pressed a number.

Xu Jin was chuckling again, and though her laugh was bright like silver bells, her terrifying appearance struck a sharp contrast.

Even though she now looked scarier, she didn't seem keen on pursuing Lin Qiushi.

The elevator started. In theory, Lin Qiushi ought to be safe, but that weird sense of danger once again assaulted the top of his head.

Lin Qiushi looked all around him, and when he spotted a certain something hanging in the elevator, goosebumps appeared all over his body. He'd spotted behind him, on what should have been an empty elevator wall, a huge black picture frame. There was nothing inside the frame, but the frame was pointed at exactly where he was standing.

Lin Qiushi reacted swiftly, hitting the button for the floor closest to him. At the exact same time, black water stains began appearing on the white paper inside that frame. First there was only one drop. Then it began spreading on the canvas paper.

He watched as the shape of that stain began to look more and more like a woman. It dispersed across the canvas and, in a short amount of time, managed to coat the entire large canvas.

Luckily it was then that the elevator reached the nearest floor. Lin Qiushi immediately took off, and the moment he cleared the elevator, a pair of pale white hands burst out of that canvas paper, searching around like it was looking for something to grab hold of.

Lin Qiushi was currently on the sixth floor. The moment he was out of the elevator he turned for the emergency exit right next door, bounding quickly down the stairs.

It was dim in the stairwell, with just enough light to see the path beneath his feet. Lin Qiushi ran down two stories before feeling something was off. He took a closer look, and discovered that he'd been turning round and round on floor six.

The stairs seemed to have become a mobius strip—up, down, backward, forward, it all came back to the sixth floor.

Lin Qiushi's feet screeched to a halt. He took in his surroundings, and noticed, on the white stairwell ceilings, little black spots of water appearing. That chilling stench of rain too was spreading through the air.

The thing had found him. Lin Qiushi made an executive decision and left the stairwell, stepping out onto the hallway. But back in the hall, Lin Qiushi discovered that the corridor had underwent a terrifying change: black frames hung on both sides, and inside each frame was a human head with its expression all twisted up. As for the ceramic tile floor, there was now a new carpet, thick and black—the pattern on it looked the same as in a door they'd encountered before.

Lin Qiushi looked up and saw, on the other other end of the hallway, another painting hanging. That painting was a woman in black with a long, sharp hat. Her eyes were half closed, but it felt like she was staring right down the hall and meeting Lin Qiushi's eyes.

Lin Qiushi wanted to leave the hallway, but when he glanced back, he found that the stairwell he had just came from had disappeared. The length of the hallway too seemed to be slowly shortening; Lin Qiushi could sense the painting of the woman getting closer and closer, closer and closer…

At that moment, a drop of water fell onto Lin Qiushi's forehead. Lin Qiushi gave it a wipe, and realized that it was blood. On reflex he looked up—a black hole had appeared above his head without him noticing, and blood was dripping from its edge onto his head. A pair of black eyes glimmered faintly in the dark, and then right after, a pair of pulpy, bloody hands reached out of the hole for Lin Qiushi.

Lin Qiushi's instincts were to back away, but the strange thing was, the hands stopped when they got to him. As if a miracle, he sensed no animosity from this pair of hands.

The hallway was still getting shorter and shorter, as if it were becoming a cage keen on trapping Lin Qiushi inside. With a clench of his teeth, Lin Qiushi reached up and grabbed the fleshy mess of those hands, and then felt a sudden force as he was brought out of that shrinking hallway.

"Aiya, looks like you can't manage without me after all."

The voice belonged to Xu Jin, but from appearance alone, he couldn't tell it was her at all. The skin on her body was completely gone, leaving only scarlet flesh and blood. She was grinning brightly at Lin Qiushi, and the contrast between her smile and appearance was strange, but Lin Qiushi didn't find it scary at all.

"Thank you," Lin Qiushi said to her.

Xu Jin didn't speak. Her gaze instead leaped over Lin Qiushi to look behind him.

Sensing something, Lin Qiushi too twisted around, and spotted on the other end of the darkness a pair of glowing red eyes.

"Meimei, my sister."

The owner of those eyes was also a skinless monster. She didn't have any legs and could only walk on her hands, but that didn't mean she was slow. She glared at Lin Qiushi with vitriol and bared her teeth; like a hyena hunting its prey, the sheer amount of hatred in her eyes was strong enough to materialize.

"Why did you betray me?" she said. "Do you like him that much? Since you like him so much, why don't I keep him here for you?"

Xu Jin tilted her head, and also smiled.

"But Jiejie, even if you did that, I still won't like you."

After that, she told Lin Qiushi to run, and threw herself at her sister. The two monsters clashed and tangled together.

Lin Qiushi got up and sprinted in the direction of the light. By the time he reached its source, he found that he'd already escaped from the apartment building, and was standing in the yard of the residential block.

It was still raining outside. Lin Qiushi pulled an umbrella out of his backpack and slowly pushed it open, stepping out into the curtaining rain.

The rain came down in sluicing torrents, and the streets were completely empty, with only water splashing along the ground. The rain ought to have been noisy; but at a time like this the loudness of the rain only made the world sound more silent in comparison.

"Help me—help me—"

There was a sudden cry for help. A silhouette came stumbling out of the rain, and Lin Qiushi could just make it out: she was a pitiful-looking young woman, staggering through the rain in a long dress. It looked like she was being pursued by something, and when she spotted Lin Qiushi standing not too far away, it was like she'd found an oasis in the middle of a desert—she came running immediately.

"Help, help!! Please, I'm begging you please help me, something wants to kill me…" She fell to the ground, looking up pathetically at Lin Qiushi. "You're also someone going through the doors, right? So am I, this door is so scary—"

Had this been reality, Lin Qiushi would've definitely helped the young woman up by now. But at this stage he wasn't moving, and a light furrow had appeared between his brows. The truth was, he found the person before him a bit familiar—more specifically, everything that appeared at night now was familiar, and he was certain he'd seen this person somewhere before.

"Mister, mister." The woman collapsed in the rain saw Lin Qiushi unmoved, and slowly crawled forward. She wiped at the rainwater on her face and said, shakily, "I know a safe place, and I can bring you there. Do you want to come with me?"

Lin Qiushi said, "do I know you?"

The woman said, "we met once in the door, and you even helped me out." Her lashes lightly trembled, looking vulnerable as anything. "But I didn't deserve that mercy, I still didn't make it."

"We met inside a door?" Lin Qiushi now found the shape of her eyes familiar. "Which door?"

The woman approached Lin Qiushi, saying, "you know, that one."

As Lin Qiushi watched her, he suddenly spoke: "There's something behind you."

The woman halted.

"A giant picture frame," Lin Qiushi said. "She's here."

The woman wheeled around in fright, but when she didn't see anything behind her, she suddenly realized that Lin Qiushi had recognized her. What had been a pitiful expression immediately went cold.

"It's been a while," Lin Qiushi said, "Yang Meishu."

The woman chuckled coolly.

"You still recognized me?"

Lin Qiushi shrugged. "I didn't want to, but I can count the people who wanted me dead on one hand. Since you're not a ghost, you must be somebody who hates me…"

He paused, and quickly announced, "she really is here."

But Yang Meishu didn't believe him. She said, "do you really think I'm that dumb? You've fooled me once already, you think you can do it again? I—"

As she spoke, getting more and more agitated, she felt a sudden breeze behind her. Yang Meishu glanced back, and found the woman in black standing right behind her. The woman's white face was impassive, and in her hands was a black picture frame that she swung right at Yang Meishu.

Yang Meishu knew this was likely it for her, and a terrible scream came out of her mouth. Right after she screamed, she became a portrait in the hands of the woman; soaked from head to toe, her expression bore both fright and a lively, vivid resentment.

Lin Qiushi took the opportunity to run further away. The woman didn't seem intent on chasing after him either, only watched him go with an icy gaze.

The rain came down in torrents, and Lin Qiushi was completely soaked. In such a strong rain, the umbrella was practically useless. As he ran, he fished out his cell phone and sent Ruan Nanzhu a text.

How are things on your end? After some thought, Lin Qiushi added: I'm fine over here, don't worry about me.

After the text was sent, he didn't get a reply for the longest time. It wasn't until Lin Qiushi found a place to hide from the rain that the message notification dinged, displaying four simple words: I'm good, don't worry.

Seeing the message, Lin Qiushi huffed a bitter laugh. Because how could he not know? Had Ruan Nanzhu truly been alright, the text would not have been so short. Ruan Nanzhu had trained his way through so many doors, so god only knew how many malicious NPCs and dead people from the inside he would meet at night. From what Lin Qiushi understood of him, if he had everything under control, he would've definitely sent a message first asking about Lin Qiushi's situation. Now, even his text message was so short. The situation on his end could not be good.

He wanted so badly just to be by his side—Lin Qiushi clenched his phone and thought bitterly. Whatever he had to experience would be fine, as long as he could be by Ruan Nanzhu's side.

[Ch. 131] | [Ch. 133]

#kaleidoscope of death #xi zixu #cnovel #chinese translation #死亡萬花筒

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keanureevesisbae · 3 years

Text

But professor… - c.4

Summary: Penny is going to see her professor for the first time again after they kissed.

Professor!Walter Marshall x Penny Townsend (Asian ofc)

Wordcount: 5.1k

Warnings: Thunderstorms (?)

Masterlist // But professor… masterlist // Previous chapter // Next chapter

The next day it’s time for my criminology class, the first one I’ll have after our kiss. I haven’t spoken to Walter since the kiss, because a) it was literally yesterday and b) after I told him I was going to bed, I actually went to bed and fell asleep.

To make matters even worse, our meeting isn’t even gonna be in a private setting.

It’s in lecture hall setting.

Despite me falling asleep not long after I arrived home, I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn’t fall back to sleep. Since I was hungry, I decided to have some late night snacks, but I am incapable of eating normally, because I totally spilled some sauce on Walter’s sweater.

In other words: I had a little early morning laundry moment.

With Walter’s sweater neatly folded in my backpack, I take a deep breath for some encouragement, as I walk into the lecture hall. There are already around ten other students in their seats and Walter sits on the edge of his table, as he reads through his notes. He looks up, but his expression barely changes. Emphasis on barely. There is a slight shift in his eyes, but it’s hardly noticeable if you don’t know him that well. ‘Morning, miss Townsend.’

Like nothing ever happened between us.

‘Good morning, sir,’ I say, before walking up to my assigned seat. I should not let out a sigh of relief, but I still do. I tell myself I shouldn’t be this nervous, however it’s an impossible task. My leg moves up and down in a restless pace and my jaw is painfully clenched.

I try my best, but it is out of question to focus on the entire class. Thankfully, Walter must’ve noticed that my brain is everywhere but in this class, because he doesn’t call out my name once. For the first time in forever I don’t have any questions about the assignment, so when a few other students hang around after class, I manage to sneak passed them and make my way to the library.

My brain really is malfunctioning, because I keep staring at my screen, unable to do anything slightly productive. I look into my backpack, to see Walter’s sweater. About an hour has passed and maybe… Maybe I could bring it to him now?

I grab my phone and decide to just send him a text. I can take the first step after yesterday, right? I’m a big girl.

Me: Can I come over to your office now?

I don’t get an answer straight away, which is only fueling up the doubt that has been brewing inside my heart. Not quite the big girl after all.

What if he thought this was a mistake? Oh shit, the kiss was terrible, he hated it and I should therefore never ever kiss again!

My breathing stops when I see his answer.

Walter: Of course, princess 💕

I swallow hard. This is a good sign, right? The heart emoji and the nickname that led me to internally screaming all night indicate he didn’t think the kiss was terrible, what we did wasn’t a mistake and that we should totally kiss again.

Right?

The hallways are empty, as a lot of people are already back at their dorms due to the bad weather that is forecasted for later today. Normally, I would do the same, but I think I lingered around campus, so I had a chance of talking to Walter. I walk towards his office and knock on his door. I hear a deep and annoyed: ‘Come in’ and I take it as my cue to open the door.

‘Hello,’ I say, ‘you sure I can come in?’

He looks up from his desk and smiles. Small crowfeet appearing near the corners of his eyes, a tiny bit of evidence that he is genuinely happy to see me. ‘Of course Penny,’ he says, standing up from his seat. He walks towards the corner of his office, lifting some stuff up, to reveal a chair. He places it on the other side of his desk. ‘Please, take a seat,’ he says, holding out his hand.

All of this trouble for me? ‘I wasn’t planning on staying long.’

‘Doesn’t matter,’ he says, waiting for me to take place on the chair and I quickly do so. When he sits on his own chair again, he asks: ‘How are you?’

That’s such a sweet and darling question of him. ‘I’m okay. I just came by to give you your sweater back.’ I pull it out of my bag and say: ‘Thank you for lending it to me.’

He nods. ‘Of course.’

‘I washed it,’ I add, ‘since I kinda dropped some hot sauce on it. I hope you like my laundry detergent.’

I hand it over the table to him and he presses his nose against the fabric. ‘It smells great, thanks.’

I smile at him, since I can’t really stop it. He is so different around me, then he is when he’s a professor. There is no annoyance, no boredom. Only adoration if I’m correct. It feels good to be on the receiving end of it. ‘That was all actually. For once I don’t have questions.’

‘I see,’ Walter says. ‘You got a lot of work to do?’

I shake my head. ‘No, not really. Just your class.’

He chuckles. ‘I’m sorry about that.’

‘Don’t worry about it. Anyways, I should go. I have a few things I have to pick up from the grocery store anyway. Forgot some things yesterday,’ I say.

Walter nods. ‘Of course.’ While I said I should go, I can’t seem to stand up. Walter tilts his head and asks: ‘What’s wrong, princess?’

‘Nothing,’ I whisper.

‘Is it… The kiss?’ he carefully asks. ‘Because if it is, I have to apologize. I was crossing multiple lines with that.’

I shake my head. ‘No, Walter, don’t worry about it. I enjoyed it. It’s just… It was my first kiss.’

His eyes enlarge, nearly rolling out of his sockets. The surprised emotion is one I haven’t seen with him in real life. I actually thought nothing could startle him. ‘Your first kiss?’ he repeats. A few seconds pass by slowly as he runs his fingers through his disheveled curls. ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’

I shrug again. ‘I don’t know. It didn’t seem relevant.’

He sighs. ‘I’m so sorry, princess.’

‘There is nothing to worry about. If it makes you feel any better, I’m glad this was my first kiss.’

He leans back in his seat. ‘Penelope Townsend,’ he says, with a slight smile on his lips. ‘You’re quite something.’

Oh shit, he uses my full name. That… That can’t be good, right? Panic is taking over and I quickly say: ‘I really have to go.’ I grab my backpack and shoot out of his little office space, not even waiting for him to say something.

My brain is fried.

On autopilot, I managed to find my way to the grocery store, where I buy more instant noodles. I don’t know why, but I even grab some hair products for Walter. It’s getting ridiculous that I’m actually going to buy this, but on the other hand, he told me I could help him out with those slightly dry locks of his.

I spend little to no time in my dorm, because I am unable to stop thinking about Walter. I shouldn’t have left like that, I think to myself. He now must think I don’t like him, when in reality: I like him a lot.

As I am pacing through the room, nearly ripping out my hair out of pure frustration, I hear the rain against the window. It’s mild, especially if you compare it to the forecasted weather. I check my weather app and realize that with this type thunderstorm, I really don’t want to be alone here.

Without even thinking about the pros and cons of this plan, I pack some stuff I need and when I walk outside, the bus to his place is thankfully already there. The clouds are turning a darker shade of grey, as I’m hopelessly walking around the block after I got off the bus. My sense of direction is severely lacking and it takes me awhile before I even see his building.

It starts to pour and I turn into a shivering mess. By the time I’m at his door and knocked on it, I realize that I should’ve called.

This, Penelope Townsend, was a very poorly thought out plan. This is terribly rude and there is no turning back now. Oh no, what if he thinks that—

‘Hey,’ Walter says when he opens the door and smiles as he notices it’s me. ‘What are you doing here, princess?’

He doesn’t seem mad, that is a good sign. ‘I am terribly sorry, Walter, I really shouldn’t be here. I don’t know why I’m here even. Okay, I do know, because I don’t want to be alone with this weather, but I should’ve at least called you. I mean, you probably aren’t even in the mood to deal with me, which is totally understandable. I’m so sorry, please forget this ever happened and I’ll just go.’

‘Don’t be silly,’ he says, holding my wrist tightly in his large hand, not allowing me to leave. ‘Come in.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘I’m very sure. They say it’s gonna be shitty weather anyway and I’d hate if you had to go back. Besides, you’re soaking wet.’

‘You really sure I’m not bothering you?’ I ask, as he gently pulls me inside, still unsure whether or not I’m welcome.

‘Positive.’ He helps me out of my coat and tells me I can change in the bathroom. He grabs some of his own clothing and hands it to me. ‘Now, I’m gonna tidy up in here a bit,’ he says, ‘because I left some crime scene pictures around.’

I smile as I grab the clothing. ‘I should’ve called,’ I try to sort of apologize again, but he is having none of it.

‘Nonsense,’ he says, ‘you don’t have to call. You are always welcome here.’ He places his hand on my cheek, before pressing a soft kiss on my forehead. ‘Besides, I’m glad you’re here. I kinda missed you.’

I let out a chuckle. ‘Walter, I’m sorry I left your office. I was freaking out.’

‘I know,’ he says. Of course he knew. ‘It’s okay, Penny.’

‘It is?’

He nods. ‘Now get changed, you’re freezing.’

✎ ✎ ✎

After I changed into some of his clothing and hung my own clothes over the heater, I walk back into the living room, only to see him preparing some dinner in the kitchen.

That is such a domestic move.

‘Thank you for letting me stay here,’ I say, causing him to look over his shoulder. ‘I’m not great with this kind of weather.’

‘Figured,’ he chuckles. ‘You’re afraid?’

‘No,’ I answer, as I walk up to the counter. ‘Absolutely not.’ Almost on cue, a loud bang of thunder fills the room, causing me to yelp. ‘Okay, maybe a little.’

Walter starts to laugh. When I’m within arm reach of him, he lifts me up on the counter like I weigh nothing to him. ‘Sit still and be pretty, okay?’

I frown. ‘How am I supposed to be pretty?’

‘By being yourself,’ he says, ‘and smile at me from time to time. Seems doable, right?’

‘I can try,’ I say, a smile already appearing on my face. ‘What are you making?’

‘Some pasta,’ he answers. ‘You like that?’

‘I do,’ I say, pushing my glasses better on my nose. ‘I really do. Especially when someone else makes it. Don’t you have that, when someone else makes the food, it automatically tastes better?’

He shakes his head. ‘No, I don’t.’

Leave it to him to be an exception. ‘Why not?’

‘I like making my own food,’ he says.

‘Hm.’ I lean my head back against the cupboard. ‘I really can’t cook well,’ I admit. ‘My mom was always the one that would make my meals back home. I’m a disaster in the kitchen, hence the reason I live on ramen, which I can easily screw up as well.’

Walter smiles, placing one hand on my leg, as he holds a wooden spoon to stir the sauce. ‘Here, taste this,’ he says, grabbing a string of pasta and blows on it so it can cool off a bit. He brings it to my lips and it’s such an automatic move to place my hand on his wrist.

‘It’s good,’ I say.

‘I’ll grab a plate for you. How about you get comfortable on the couch?’

I jump off the counter and walk towards the living room area. His couch looks kinda dull, in a beige tint that reminds me of my grandma’s wardrobe, but don’t be fooled: it’s the most comfortable thing I’ve ever sat on. I grab a blanket and place it over my lap.

Walter joins me, handing me the plate with pasta and sits next to me. It only takes a second, before I flinch as the thunder is now accompanied by lighting. ‘You’re so easily scared,’ he snickers. Without me doing it on purpose, I scoot closer to him. I know he cannot psychically protect me against it, but not being alone with weather like this, is a relief itself. ‘Careful, princess,’ he says, ‘it’s hot.’

As we eat in silence, I keep thinking about what I can say to him. ‘I brought some hair stuff with me,’ I say. ‘Bought some today.’

‘For me?’

I nod. ‘For you,’ I confirm. ‘Maybe you want to use it.’

‘Or you use it on me,’ he says. ‘I have no idea what I’m doing anyway.’

As I finish the pasta (which was delicious), he takes the plate from my hands and places it on the coffee table next to his own empty plate. ‘Come here,’ he says, pulling me closer in his warm and protective arms.

I wonder whether or not it’s odd that I’m this comfortable with him this soon. I usually have a warm up period of at least a few weeks when I meet new people. When I worked in a cafe back in Japan during my gap year, it took me a month before I wasn’t painfully shy with some of my coworkers.

But with Walter, I am still shy and sometimes a bit awkward, but it doesn’t feel unpleasant. It’s like he understands and is patient with me.

I place my legs over his and hold his hand in both of mine. My fingers trace over his knuckles, where I notice some slight scarring. ‘How did you get this one?’

‘Bar fight,’ he says, ‘before I joined the academy.’

‘You were that type of guy?’

Walter doesn’t say anything and when I look up, I see he is not even looking at me. He is staring at the window. ‘Yeah, something like that. In case you wondered: he kinda asked for it.’

There is so much I want to ask him. What he was like when he grew up. What he thought of the academy. Interesting cases he solved.

However, a loud bang brutally interrupts my thoughts. At the exact same time, the lights shut off. My breathing stops. Oh no, a power cut? I’m so glad I’m not in my dorm alone. I might’ve called Walter crying, ask him to risk his life so he could pick me up.

Good thing I’m already here.

‘Great,’ he mumbles, turning on the flashlight on his phone. ‘There isn’t much I can do,’ he says, ‘except wait for it to come back. You want me to light some candles?’

I hate the dark this much, that I quickly say” ‘Please.’

He stands up, but I hold on tightly to his hand. ‘What’s wrong, princess?’

‘Can I walk with you?’

‘Of course.’ His fingers lace through mine and together we walk around his loft, looking for the candles and a lighter. We scatter them around the apartment and it gives a soft and warm ambiance, one that is slightly misplaced here in his loft. I can unclench my jaw from the painful grip and Walter pulls me back on the couch.

‘Did you feel awkward?’ I ask him. ‘In class today?’

He shakes his head. ‘But I know you did.’

I purse my lips together, as I feel completely caught. ‘Was I that obvious?’

‘Not to others, but to me you were.’

‘I’m sorry.’

He shakes his head. ‘Don’t apologize for that. I just wished I knew what I could do for you to feel less awkward about it.’

I shrug. ‘I don’t know. Never thought my first… Whatever we have, would have to be in secret.’

He sighs, clearly agreeing with me. ‘I wish I could show you off,’ he says. ‘Wish I could tell Fitzgerald to stop ogling you.’

‘He doesn’t do that,’ I say.

Walter scoffs. ‘He totally does. It’s not even subtle anymore.’

I place my head against his chest, melting in his arms. I close my eyes, as I enjoy being engulfed in the warmness and protectiveness of his embrace.

No one has ever held me like this before.

‘Walter, why me?’

‘What?’ he asks.

‘Why are you even paying attention to me? I’m such a nobody.’

‘You’re not a nobody,’ Walter retorts. ‘I like you, Penny. You have an ethereal beauty, combined with an adorable and kind nature. It’s so rare to meet someone like you. I see that there is so much potential in you, no matter what you choose later on in life. It’s just that you don’t know it yet, which is such a shame really. Besides, princess, I’m not risking my job for simply anyone.’

As much as him being my professor should turn me away from it all, should make me walk towards the door and not associate myself with him anymore, I don’t feel that way. Part of me wants to hide my smile, but I can’t. ‘I kinda like you too.’

‘Just kinda?’ he asks, pretending to be offended. ‘What can I do to change that?’

I smile. ‘Kiss me again.’

He doesn’t answer, simply leaning towards me to press his soft lips on mine. One of hands squeezes my thigh, as I wrap my arms around his neck. It feels so good to kiss him. ‘Can’t believe yesterday was your first kiss,’ he whispers against my lips. ‘You’re quite talented, princess.’

‘I just follow your lead. I think that says more about your kissing skills than mine.’

‘Knew you were an excellent student.’

✎ ✎ ✎

The lights aren’t restored by the time I grow more and more tired. It’s Walter actually that tells me to go to bed. When I’m tucked away underneath the blankets in just his thick sweater, he sits on the edge of the bed. ‘I want you to be honest,’ he says in a stern voice. ‘Do you want me to sleep here or on the couch?’

It’s a sweet thing of him to ask, especially since it did cross my mind a few times. I grab his hand, my thumb caressing his knuckles. ‘I don’t know,’ I whisper.

‘Why are you hesitating?’

‘Because… I don’t want you to think I’m a prude or anything.’

He smiles. ‘Princess, I can sleep on the couch. Don’t worry.’

I blink my eyes a few times, slightly nervous. ‘You don’t mind?’

‘Of course not. Just call for me when you need me, okay?’

‘Okay.’

He gives me a quick and loving kiss on my lips. Checking with me one last time, he carefully makes his way back to the living room. While I can hear him making himself comfortable on the couch, I roll around the bed. There is an inability of mine to fall asleep, something I barely encounter. There is this annoying, but also terrifying ticking like sound against the window and I can’t wrap my mind around it what exactly makes that noise.

The thunder and lightening are dominating the skies and my state of mind.

‘Walter?’ I finally ask him, after rolling around, being all ears and incapable of falling asleep for at least an hour. It takes only a few seconds before he walks into the bedroom. His hair is disheveled and he looks like a sleepy owl in a cartoon. It’s adorable, a word I never expected to use to describe him.

‘What’s wrong, princess?’ he asks me.

‘What is that noise?’

‘Just the water and a branch. It usually taps against the window from time to time.’

‘Oh, okay,’ I whisper. ‘Sorry to wake you.’

‘Don’t be,’ he says. He leans against the doorframe. Despite it being dark, I can still see the contours of his large body. ‘You seem wide awake.’

‘I am,’ I admit. ‘It’s just that I can’t sleep. There is too much noise here I don’t know.’

‘Want me to join you?’

I nod, only to realize he might not be able to see it. ‘Please.’

He walks over to the bed and gets in underneath the covers. I can already feel his warm body heat closer to mine and I hold my breath. ‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ Walter chuckles. ‘It’s just me.’

I can’t stop being “ridiculous”. I mean, I am completely overstepping all sorts of boundaries. I mean, I’m in my professors loft. The same professor who I kissed. Whose clothes I’m wearing.

Who I’m severely falling for.

Walter holds out his arm and I turn to my side, nuzzling against his warm frame. He only wears a simple shirt and a pair of boxers. ‘Why are you shivering?’

‘I’m a little scared.’

‘Why?’

‘It’s just all those new sounds and a different bed,’ I mumble. ‘I don’t know.’

‘You have nothing to worry about,’ he says. I place my chin on his chest. As my eyes get used the dark, I can sort of see more of his face. I don’t have my glasses on, so it stay slightly blurry. ‘Nothing is gonna happen to you now, princess,’ he continues to say. ‘Not when I’m here.’

I smile. ‘I know,’ I say. ‘It’s just all so new to me.’

‘Yet you adapt perfectly fine.’

I bite my bottom lip. ‘Really?’

‘Really.’ He places his hand on my cheek and leans a bit forward, planting a soft kiss on my lips. It’s not my plan to deepen the kiss, but when someone’s lips taste this good, of course I don’t mind deepening it. His teeth slowly sink into my bottom lip, careful not to hurt me.

When he lets go of me, his hot breath tickles my already sensitive lips. Walter presses a kiss on my nose and whispers: ‘Go to sleep, princess. You seem tired.’

‘I am,’ I chuckle. ‘Quite the detective you are.’

✎ ✎ ✎

The next morning when I wake up, I’m still engulfed in Walter’s arms. He looks so innocent and vulnerable when he sleeps. His hand has slipped underneath my shirt, his warm palm on my back. For a second, my mind wanders to a time where it’s more than this. More than just a hand on my bare back.

It’s about him seeing me naked, him touching me and whispering sweet nothings in my ears.

It doesn’t take long for Walter to wake up as well and he smiles when he sees I’m already up. ‘I don’t mind waking up like this,’ he admits. ‘Seeing your beautiful face first thing in the morning is a lovely surprise.’

Don’t blush, Penny. Don’t you dare blush.

‘Give me a kiss, princess,’ he says.

‘I haven’t brushed my teeth yet,’ I mumble.

‘Doesn’t matter to me.’ He leans in to give me a gentle peck on my lips, followed by a few more. I giggle against him, as his fingers softly—and probably unintentionally—tickle my sides. ‘I’ll go see if the power is back on,’ he says. ‘Want something to eat?’

‘Yeah,’ I say. ‘Doesn’t really matter what.’

Walter kisses me one more time, before he gets up out of bed. It doesn’t take long before I slip out of the bed as well, putting on some socks and sweatpants.

This morning is the prime example of how a domestic couple behaves. I always envied my parents, for being able to find the love of their lives, living according to a certain routine with one another. I remember sitting at the dinner table, watching them dancing in the kitchen as mom would make dinner. I remember sitting in the backseat, hearing my parents sing along with the radio.

They have always been outgoing people, in complete contrast to me. Mom always comforted me telling me that one day I would find my soulmate. Dad always told me that the so called soulmate had to be approved by him.

I wonder what would happen if they found out I met Walter. It’s way too early to think about that, but my brain isn’t stopping this thought process. Especially when Walter lifts me up the counter. When he presses mindless kisses on my forehead. When he lets me use some of the products on his hair. He smiles when I massage his scalp as I’m washing his hair over the stink and use the conditioner on his dry hair.

It’s great to see Walter with his guard a bit down. Allowing me to see who he is hiding when he’s teaching and maybe when he was at work as a detective as well. His touches are soft, are kind and not once is he overstepping. He carefully reads me and my body language.

But at one point, I realize that it’s time for me to go back. My mom used to say to leave a party when it’s still fun, instead of waiting for the awkward moment where you are practically forced to leave after you overstayed.

With his curls nice dried and less frizzy, he drives me back towards the train station and the parking lot and the station itself are almost vacant. People are probably still hiding inside their houses, not wanting to deal with the aftermath of the storm yet.

‘I hate that I have to drop you off here,’ he admits. ‘You have to walk for a while. Wait, I have an idea, you call me as you walk towards your dorm. I’ll leave here when I know you’re safe and sound in your room, okay?’

‘You really don’t have to do that,’ I chuckle. ‘I’m a big girl, I can take care of myself.’

‘I know that,’ he says, ‘but I care a little too much about you. I don’t want anything to happen, okay?’

It’s nice to be taken care of like this. I could get used to this. ‘Okay,’ I say, before I give him a kiss. ‘I’ll miss you.’

‘I’ll miss you too, princess.’ He pulls out his phone and says: ‘I’ll call you in a second.’

A second truly is a second, because my phone rings when I close the door. ‘Really?’ I ask him as I pick up the phone, still being able to see him.

‘Yes, really.’

I wave at him, as I walk towards the dormitory building, which is about a ten minute walk. ‘You have a cute walk,’ he says, when I’m out of sight for him. ‘There’s almost a little skip in it.’

‘Way to make me more self conscious than I already was.’

‘Ah, princess,’ he says, ‘don’t be like that. You have nothing to be self conscious about. You’re beautiful, you’re cute and you are the sweetest thing alive.’

‘Don’t say stuff like that. I’m blushing.’

I can hear his chuckles from the other side of the line. ‘Where are you now?’

‘I can see the dorms already. You really want me to call you until I’m in my room?’

‘Yes.’

I can’t argue with that determination. While I simply chat to him about the damage done by the storm, I see Fitzgerald near the entrance. Great, I really can’t use this now.

‘There she is,’ he says, when I open the door and walk passed him to get inside.

‘Is that who I think it is?’ Walter asks me.

‘Yes.’

‘He does that often?’

Correct me if I’m wrong, but he sounds kinda possessive. ‘Sometimes.’

‘Sugar plum,’ Fitzgerald says as he follows me inside. ‘I have a question for you.’

‘I’m on the phone,’ I tell him, hoping it’s enough for him to get lost. ‘Can’t really wait.’

It seems like he didn’t pick up on the underlying no in my answer. ‘Where have you been?’ Fitzgerald asks me.

My mouth grows dry. Does he know? Have Walter and I not been subtle enough? Oh my gosh, Fitzgerald totally knows. Do not start hyperventilate, stay calm, Penny. ‘Ask him if he’s stalking you,’ I hear Walter’s soft tone in my ear.

That seems doable. ‘You stalking me?’

He must be surprised that those words roll out of my mouth. I mean, I didn’t expect them from me either. ‘No, just wondering. Saw you getting on a bus after class.’

‘He really is stalking you,’ Walter says in my ear.

‘Sounds like you’re stalking me after all.’ Oh my goodness, Penny! What on earth is happening? I don’t know if I was supposed to repeat that.

Fitzgerald is flabbergasted to say the least and he actually walks away. Did I just do that? ‘He’s gone,’ I whisper.

‘That’s my girl,’ Walter chuckles. ‘Proud of you, princess. Asshole really doesn’t take no for an answer. I am tempted to fail him for my class.’

I start to laugh, as I make my way to my dorm. ‘You don’t have to do that.’

‘I hate his guts.’

‘Don’t use the word hate,’ I scold him. ‘Instead, use the word despise.’

‘Not with him, I won’t.’

I quickly walk up the stairs and let out a deep sigh when I’m back in my own dorm. ‘I arrived safe and sound in my room,’ I tell him. ‘Thank you for letting me stay over at your place. I really don’t do well in thunderstorms.’

‘Of course,’ he says, and I can almost hear the grin in his voice. ‘Can’t have you alone during a power cut. Also, it’s quite nice not to be alone.’

A certain vulnerability I was not expecting from him, let alone over the phone. ‘It sure was,’ I agree.

‘I’ll call you later,’ he tells me.

‘Alright, of course.’

‘Take care, princess.’

#walter marshall #walter marshall fanfic #walter marshall x ofc #walter marshall x oc #walter marshall x asian ofc #walter marshall x penny townsend #henry cavill #henry cavill fanfiction #henry cavill fandom #henry cavill x ofc #henry cavill x oc #henry cavill x asian ofc #henry cavill x penny townsend #asian ofc #penny townsend #but professor

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pbandjesse · 1 year

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I only cried a little today. Today did not go to plan. I did not wake up feeling better. I woke up feeling weak and coughing. I had a low grade fever and a lot of pain. James had woken up early and made me eggs and hash browns and was going to drive me to the nursery. But when I stood up and went to brush my teeth I was like. This isn't safe. I shouldn't go. So I told James. I finished brushing my teeth. I texted Francine at the nursery. I felt so supremely guilty. She hoped I would feel better soon but emotionally I was really sad.

I also rescheduled the interview. And then had to do some schedule shuffling for puhtok in March. I told Elizabeth how I was sick and she told me to take care of me. But I told her that I know I'm being like. Entitled. Acting like me taking time off to be sick is going to make the whole world fall apart. But she understood what I meant.

I got really upset around 10. I was so tired but I couldn't get comfortable enough to sleep. But I was so weak I still couldn't do anything. This was for the best. I tried to do to much yesterday. I had eaten the omelette James made me. I requested McDonald's fries when they started serving lunch. But then asked if I could just take a NyQuil.

So I did. And I fell asleep hard.

James says when they brought me fries I just said. Awake no. And fell back asleep. I ended up sleeping for 4 hours. And because James is the best they would go out again and get me fries that weren't cold.

It took me a while to get myself up though. I had kicked all the pillows off the bed. And I had had James open the back door to freshen up the air. But it had gotten very cold in here. So while James was gone I got a sweater on and put the bed back together.

The fries were nice and made me feel a little better. And I do feel better since waking up. I still feel weak. And my chest hurts. But I do think I'm okay. I can't take another day off. Three was bad enough.

I took a bath because that's the energy level I had. And got in bed in clean jammies. James joined me and has actually been asleep for a while. They haven't been sleeping well so I'm glad they can get some rest without being in pain or getting startled by me coughing. They go back to work tomorrow but only for 2 days. Because on Friday we are still going camping. Because I always get sick before we go camping. So I have two days to feel better all the way. But tomorrow I am determined to go to work. And feel normal. So wish me luck. Take care of yourself. Don't get sick. Because it sucks.

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poppywrites41 · 3 years

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Captive Love Ch. 2

Prince! Yoongi x Maid! Reader

Here is chapter 2! This chapter will focus on Y/N’s first day of work…and maybe a little bit of a cliffhanger.

Warnings for this chapter: Swearing, violence, description of past deaths, mentions of smut

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“Rise and shine girls!” Lilith shouts through the halls of the servants’ quarters, her meaty fists pounding on each of the girl’s doors. Y/N swears she can feel her room shake every time that woman’s fist comes in contact with a door. “You all have 10 minutes to get dressed and come down to eat!” Lilith calls, her heels clacking away. Y/N raises her arms up to stretch. She looks out of her small window to see a garden with a path that leads to a small set of doors going into the back of the castle. She turns to her cupboard and takes out her servant’s outfit. She takes off her dress that she wore yesterday, neatly folded it like her mother taught her to, and placed it in the cupboard. She took a look at the outfit laid out on the bed. It was not elegant in the slightest, but it was sure prettier than any outfit she had worn in her life. It was a pretty beige with ¾ sleeves that were flexible enough to move the arms comfortably to perform the needed tasks. The skirt was neatly fitted on the waist and ran to the ankles. It was not puffy at all and had a comfortable feel to it. And to top it all off, pretty little white lace ruffles were added to the ends of the sleeves and around the top opening to give it some style, which Y/N really appreciated. When she got the dress on, Y/N took a look at herself in the small mirror hanging on her wall above her tiny sink. She spotted some dirt on her cheeks, probably from the wagon, so she splashed her face with water, rubbing at her skin. After her facewash, she noticed how messy her hair had gotten. She ran her fingers through the h/c locks and tied the hair in the front to the back, creating a half up-half down style. She made her way to her door, slipping on her shoes and head down the hall to the servants dining hall.

When she arrived, she found a seat at a table where some of the girls she arrived with yesterday were sitting at. They were not talking to each other as much as the other servants were, probably because they were new or nervous. Y/N sat down next to a young girl with dark brown hair. Once she sat down, an older woman brought her a tray with a piece of bread, some water and a small bowl of what looked like to be chicken broth. Y/N turned to the girl and offered a small smile, “Hi, I’m Y/N. We came together on the wagon yesterday. Sorry for not introducing myself earlier.” The girl’s hazel eyes met hers and she gave Y/N a small smile, “It’s okay. I’m Emily. I don’t really talk when I’m nervous. I have a lot of anxiety when I feel pressured.” She said in a quiet tone. “I get it. I am totally nervous. I mean, yesterday I was living my normal life and now suddenly, I’m a servant to the royal family. The people who I thought of as family, gave me away for money without a second thought.” Y/N said taking a bite of her bread and immediately chasing it down with some water. Emily frowned, “I’m sorry to hear that.” “So,” Y/N said after eating a spoonful of the bland broth, “How did you get here?” Emily looked down at her food and played with it with her spoon, “I’m actually a twin. My sister and I are daughters of bakers. My mom and dad worked so hard their entire life, baking for the royal family. My sister was a big help in the kitchen. She is so smart, kind, outgoing and beautiful. She is pretty much everything I am not. I would usually mess up tasks that would get me in trouble, but she would always defend me. My parents loved me, don’t get me wrong, they were just worried about me a lot. I wasn’t let out a lot. I could have been an embarrassment to them. Then, my sister met a man who came from a good family. They fell in love and are to be married. However, the guards came before the wedding and were trying to get my parents to give them my sister for a large sum of money. So that’s when I volunteered myself to go in her place. I didn’t want her to leave everything behind and to ruin her chance of a happily ever after, so I went in her place.” Y/N looked at the girl with awe, “You are such a good and brave sister to go in her place. I’m sure she is very thankful for you. I don’t think you are an embarrassment. Just stick with me and we will get through this together!” Emily smiles at her and nods in agreement. Before anything else could be said, Lilith’s voice was booming throughout the room, “Mealtime is over! Everyone sit down a listen. Tomorrow is the Grand Royal Gala so we will need to clean the castle extra today. Royal families from all over the country will be attending so I want that castle spotless. Here are the groups and their tasks for the day. Rosetta, you and your hall will clean the floors and windows of the ball room. Claire, take your girls and polish all of the utensils and dishware. Isabel, you and your hall are in charge of cleaning the dinning hall. I want that space especially clean.”

While scrubbing away the dirt on the floor of the halls, Y/N reflected on what Elizabeth informed them about the royal family:

First off, the king. He has his own personal servants who clean, dress and cook for him, so it was highly unlikely for her to be involved with him. He is a strict ruler and likes for everything to be perfect. He does not interfere much with his sons’ lives, but he is more attentive to his two eldest sons. He wants to make sure they are both well-educated and fit enough to rule the kingdom when his time is up.

Same goes for the queen. She is a more carefree person than her husband. She enjoys balls and festivities. She interacts more with her sons than her spouse, but definitely more with her youngest sons, since the older ones are with the king or in counsel or military meetings. She clearly loves her family but is not the most observant or caring mother. She lets them do as they please.

Now, the eldest prince, Prince Seokjin. He is the next in line for the throne. Elizabeth said that he is very serious about his role in the family. With his brothers, he can be a fun person who will crack jokes and enjoy the company of others. But when wronged, he can be a completely different person. He once chopped off a chef’s fingers for making a soup too spicy for his liking and fed those fingers to his dogs. Since he will most likely become king in the near future, more galas will be held to find the prince a suitable wife. Overall, Y/N believes that she will not be in contact with the prince very often either.

The second eldest is Prince Yoongi, the second in line for the throne. According to Elizabeth, he rarely shows his face in public. He is extremely introverted. He keeps to himself, usually in his room where he will write poems, or he will be sleeping. Even with his introverted nature, he is somewhat of a genius. Elizabeth said that when he was a teenager, the king went to war with a foreign land and was at a disadvantage. It was Prince Yoongi, at age 16, that stepped in and completely remodeled the military tactics, which won them the war. However, like his brother, when wronged, he turns into a beast. One day, he was asleep in his room when a servant came in to clean. The servant did not notice the prince asleep and continued his task. It was not until he accidentally knocked the prince’s favorite ink off of his table and spilled it on the ground. The prince woke up in a rage. The man tried to apologize to the prince, only to have himself sent to the dungeons for a week with no food or water. On the last day, Prince Yoongi went down to see the servant, only to behead him himself.

When Elizabeth told them that story, Y/N felt deep chills run down her spine. Hopefully she won’t have to interact with Yoongi during her time at the castle.

From what she heard about the third and fourth oldest princes, Hoseok and Namjoon, they are not as hot tempered as the two eldest. Hoseok is a kind person with a bubbly personality, but when he is pushed the wrong way, he can be a force to be reckoned with. Namjoon on the other hand has not publicly displayed any hostile actions. He is extremely smart and a good leader. From what Elizabeth said, Namjoon is somewhat of a leader to all the brothers. He is very considerate of all of their opinions and is able to settle any arguments between the brothers. Y/N does not suspect to have any issues with those two princes.

Now the last three. Jimin and Taehyung, the fraternal twins who like to cause mischief in the palace. They seem to like to pick on the staff and belittle anyone who is of lower status then themselves. Out of the two of them, Taehyung is more sadistic. He will keep harassing staff members until they leave, hurt themselves or commit suicide. Jimin on the other hand, likes to make people, especially the women he has accompany him in his chambers, feel like they cannot survive without him. Whenever he has wronged one of his girls and they try to talk to him about it, he uses his charming attitude and well-chosen words to turn the whole conversation around onto the girls. He would make them feel like they were the ones who wronged him, and they would apologize to him and swear that they will do better.

Last but not least, the youngest prince, Jungkook. He had everything handed to him on a diamond plate. Elizabeth noted that his beauty almost rivals that of his oldest brother and Jungkook knows it. She said that he excels in anything he does. However, he is probably the scariest out of all the brothers. Jungkook can get away with anything…ANYTHING. Apparently, he was in love with a princess once and planned on marrying her. One day before he planned on proposing to her, he caught her having sex with one of his guards in the library. Furious, he went to his room and waited for her to return. When she did, he asked her where she was, and she lied to him saying that she went for a walk in the palace garden. Jungkook then called the guard she was with into his room and had two guards block the doors out of his room. He tied the princess to a chair, ignoring her cries trying to convince him that she would never cheat on him. He then ordered the guard to remove all of his clothing, leaving him nude. Jungkook had the guard put on prison cuffs himself while the prince hammered a hook into the wall. He beckoned the naked guard to lift his cuffed hands onto the hook. Once everything was in place, he slowly began to castrate the guard, relishing in the man’s screams of agony and the princesses’ shrill screams of horror. After he castrated him, Jungkook swiftly sliced the man’s neck, causing blood to spew out from the slash and him to choke on his own blood, all the while Jungkook forced the princess to watch. Once the man’s body stopped twitching, he untied the frozen princess and took her to his balcony. The princess began apologizing to the prince promising that she will never be unfaithful to him ever again, swearing her loyalty to him and begging for his forgiveness. He gave her a warm smile and gave her a small kiss on the lips, telling her that she is forgiven. And Just as the princess began to relax, Jungkook shoved her over the balcony and watched her body fall to ground. When the prince’s parents found out, they sent word to the princesses’ father that she had run off with a man and that they cannot find them anywhere. The princesses’ father believed them and sent search parties all around the country, never to find out the truth about what happened to his daughter. It’s because of that incident that Jungkook ends the lives of those who betray him.

All of a sudden, she heard something being knocked over and water spilling. Then a sudden cry of pain. Worried that one of girls hurt themselves, Y/N immediately got up and ran down the hall towards the noise, ignoring Emily telling her not to involve herself.

Y/N could hear a males voice from down the hall, “You stupid whore!! Your spilled you water on my fucking new shoes!!”

Once she turned the corner to where she would find the girl, her eyes widened, and her heart stopped.

#poppywrites41 #yoongi x reader smut #yandere yoongi #bts yoongi #yoongi x reader #yoongi smut #prince yoongi #yandere bts #yandere bts x reader

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