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1-deadgirlwalking-1 · 18 days
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4/8/2024
the other day i did the dishes, walked my dog two times, and did my schoolwork but i forgot to write everything down. so there’s a TLDR of yesterday.
my days have been getting better but today i woke up at 3pm and did nothing all day. i woke up with ear swollen and it still hasn’t gone down after 3 hours, so i just can’t hear from that ear now. we’re going to the ear doctor soon but i wish it was sooner!!
anyway because i’ve done nothing there’s not much to write about. today i called my teacher for a check in (required) and that was probably the most interesting thing to happen today. we talked about my grades (i have a 100% in his class), how i have a vacation coming up, and how he had a trip last year to the same place.
my moms planning on getting face masks, bleach / toner, and hair dye at the store and doing my hair this weekend so we can have a fun day together. though we cant dye the bleached bits until a few days later because its brown raccoon stripes on blonde. i haven’t gotten my hair done in a year and i look an absolute mess. she also got me A TON of clothes from thredup because she is the best, yay. ^_^ my favorite things i got is a beautiful blue dress and a cheetah / leopard print bb belt. they're very pretty. very pretty.
anyway that is all, bye bye!
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1-deadgirlwalking-1 · 18 days
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4/7/2024
okay okay today is a good day. very good day. for the last two days i’ve been sleeping until 2-3pm and then staying bed all day, but today my dad woke me up at like 9:30am and by 10am i was actually up. we went to home depot and got screws for this car part my dad is fixing and wood for a ramp to connect the chicken run and the coop. i went with him to see if they had the foam i need for my project (fursuit partial :D) and they did but in the wrong thickness, i need half inch and maybe 1 inch for the details if it’s not too expensive. but they only had like. 5 inch or something. it was really thick and also dirty cause people kept putting their foot on it and pressing down to see how dense it was, LOL.
after that i got some chocolate pretzels and an energy drink. “chocolate pretzels” looks like it’s spelt SO wrong but it’s not… anyway then we went home and i went inside, i started watching rise and then when i got to insane in the mama train i was texting my friend and started unprompted infodumping to them about my rise of the tmnt AU. lol. i sent like 5 paragraphs that all almost hit the text limit. and then said i was out infodumping donnie and called me autistic. (not a malicious or “haha ur weird” way, it’s cause i’m actually autistic and acting autisticly.)
i decided after i finished typing up my last giant paragraph i would copy and paste all of that into a doc and organize it so i can show my uncle, after we finish the show of course. basically like an outline with all of the events and plot of my AU. i was working on that when my mom came into the kitchen with some scraps and asked me to take it to the chickens, then do the dishes when i got back. which she’s been asking me to do for 2 days now and which i just finished doing 2 seconds before writing this paragraph. i’m very sorry mama, i kept genuinely forgetting and i feel bad.
after i gave papa the scraps i was checking out the coop, yesterday he installed a super fancy door on the chicken coop that opens and closes automatically at a set time, it even opens back up if it senses a chicken under it so they can’t get hurt. we tested it out with some sticks. anyway earlier he finished the ramp that goes up to it and started adding chicken wire windows so there’s more fresh air coming into the coop. he also added a piece of wood that will act as a curtain so like when it’s nice and daytime you can prop the wood up and the windows are open, then when it’s cold or night time you can put the wood down and it hangs in front of the windows, keeping all the cold air and predators out.
i took the puppy for a walk because neither of us liked having her just tied up to the bench outside the greenhouse/coop on a short leash. papa said he’d like to make a little wire run for her between the trees, while she’s still a baby and can’t run off on her own. once she’s older she won’t need to be leashed up but as a baby she keeps chasing the chicks and her and my sister’s dogs haven’t warmed up to each other i think so they might have issues if they try to take them out. idk. she just can’t go off on her own as a baby. but it’s sad to have her on a lil leash. also while i was walking her i had shorts on which is a horrible mistake to make when walking the dog because she kept jumping on me and trying to bite my legs off. it doesn’t hurt so bad when there’s fabric between teeth and my skin but when there isn’t it is very painful.
also apparently papa’s bee are swarming which means they’re just up and leaving. he said he had split them earlier, (when you simulate a swarm, and make them think they already did it, so they don’t fly off into some random place and make a new hive.) and he thought he did it right but they’re swarming anyway. he’s set up new hives but they seem to not like them i guess, and he also has a few traps in the trees and hopefully the bees will swarm into those so that he can just move them back to where the regular hives are and they’ll think nothing of it.
also my mom wants to know whether or not when we got on our trip later this year if i wanna go to the zoo with my sister and nephew or a bus tour with my other sister and mother, and i’m not sure yet. i’m still deciding.
i’ve totally been slacking on my kana which make’s me think i’m going to be horrible at keeping up with Anki, (doing the moeway 30 day method) i’m probably gonna have to adjust this method for myself a bit because it requires actual discipline / commitment, like missing a single day sets back your progress a ton and makes it significantly more difficult to get back on track, and i don’t have that at the moment. i’ve also got most of my schoolwork caught up but haven’t studied at all. i only have one computer science lesson left to do. i totally bombed my computer science test and got 56% on it, which set my grade back from about a 91% to a 79%. a single test should not affect my grade that heavily, like seriously wtf. how did i got from an A to a C over ONE assignment.
anyway… that’s my day so far. will update if anything else happens
nothing else happened that’s my day. goodbye!
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1-deadgirlwalking-1 · 26 days
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happy birthday kasane teto :))
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1-deadgirlwalking-1 · 27 days
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3/31/2024
i do not remember a ton tbh, i keep forgetting to write stuff down and now i don't remember most of what i've done the past several days. haha.
anyway what i do remember is i've been doing the dishes a lot, like not just putting them away after they're clean, i've been putting dirty dishes in the washer without freaking out from the grossness. and i even swept a few times so, i'm getting slightly less incompetent every day!
we celebrated easter (not on the actual day of easter but the day before) which i didn't know we were doing, my mom got everyone a bunch of personalized gifts in a little basket. i immediately ran off to my room after we opened everything, which she didn't get upset about or object to at all, and then when i got to my room i cried bcus it was so sweet.
like she got me my favorite sweet (pocky) bcus i said i loved it but i could never find it in the stores, and she got me new inside slippers because i accidentally got my old ones dirty and haven't cleaned them yet, AND she got them in pink and fluffy bcus she knows i love the color pink and fluffy stuff. she got me a little notebook with sparkly markers (i'm now using it as a notebook for my japanese learning) bcus she knows i like writing, and she got me two face masks for us to do together. she also got me some hair ties and candies. and i think she might've gotten me the hair ties because i lost one of mine recently and was asking my dad if he had seen it while she was in the room. it was very unexpected and sweet.
and then a day later she asked me if i liked them and was acting very nonchalant and normal about it, like "oh papa didn't let me talk about gifts because your little cousin still doesn't know the easter bunny isn't real, i was just at the store and got you stuff i thought you'd like"?? WAAAHH?????
then yesterday the new hunger game movie became available to stream so my mom came in my room to suggest we watch it together after chores, i swept most of the kitchen and we did face masks. was very fun. but whenever i moved too fast like when laying down my entire vision would loop over and move around and id get super dizzy and disoriented. i looked it up and it's called vertigo, i didn't actually know what vertigo was until that very moment.
ALSO in the middle of the movie i had to walk the dog and we walked around for like ten minutes after my mom insisted the dog would pee as soon as we went out and then she came out and was like "she STILL hasn't peed?" and she did not i SWEAR, she did not pee the entire time she just walked around and repeatedly kept trying to eat my leg off and almost pulled down my pants one time which was insane. anyway in this conversation i found out the dog always pees almost immediately when my parents walk her but when she's out with me i have to walk around the entire house 2 or more times and be out with her for like 20 minutes before she pees. WHY???
today my mom made a bunch of food i didn't eat because i forgot to leave my room at a normal time. then by time i went to the kitchen all the food was gone, i assume there's some left overs in the fridge so i'll eat those tomorrow.
when i left to go get a snack earlier my family was watching "the beekeeper" i saw an ad for it a while back, and then a few minutes later someone else sent it in the family groupchat because my dad is a beekeeper. very funny to us. apparently it's literally just a movie about a beekeeper who beats up and kills a ton of bad guys which is also hilarious to me.
but i didn't do anything today, i watched youtube videos. a bunch of really long ones. i fell asleep a few times while watching one and kept having to rewind when i woke up. also my right ear keeps swelling up on the inside EVERY TIME I LAY DOWN FOR MORE THAN LIKE 30 MINUTES!!! and today inside my left ear i swear i could hear a buzzing sound like a cicada INSIDE my ear and it didn't go away for like 10 minutes i thought there was something in my ear or i was hallucinating and it was driving me crazy. looked it up and it's probably tinnitus. i didn't know tinnitus could sound like so many things i thought it was only ringing.
i'm going to ask my mom mom to take me to a doctor about my ears because when i looked up my symptoms online everyone on every post was like, "GO TO THE DOCTOR IMMEDIATELY OR IT WILL ONLY GET WORSE UNTIL YOU EVENTUALLY LOSE YOUR HEARING." and i think that checks out cause it has only gotten worse with time and one lady said vertigo was a symptom of her ear problems, and that because of them she had to get a giant needle and draining tube inside her ear that was super painful. and i don't want that.
today also i had a dream and when i looked in the mirror i had SUPER cool makeup on and at that exact moment i realized i was dreaming. i stared really hard at the makeup to try and remember what it looked, and instinctively pulled out my phone to take a picture, then i remembered i was dreaming and was like "i wish you could take photos in dreams and they show up in the real world, i'm gonna forget it."
and that's literally all i remember from my dream last night, i forgot all of my dream for most of the day until my friend said something that reminded me of that one part, and all because of the fact i intentionally tried to remember it. but even then i don't remember exactly what the makeup looked like. i know that it was trad goth with a white base and what the eyeliner + eyebrows looked like, and that's basically it. if i tried to recreate it irl i'm sure get it pretty close.
anyway i still have 15 late assignments to do and obviously haven't studied at all. sigh.
that's my life at the moment, buh byeeee.
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1-deadgirlwalking-1 · 1 month
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3/24/2024
i fell asleep around 6:30 am, mom woke me up at 10 am to walk the dog. it was cold as heck outside even though it was super sunny and logically spring weather should be starting right now, global warming has changed the weather patterns and i’m not used to the changes yet. sigh.
anyway then i went inside after a little bit and drank two energy drinks. for breakfast we had eggs, bacon, and biscuits n gravy. i watched some rottmnt with my uncle and family friend, and they could pay better attention this time because there was no loud background noise. my uncle laughed at a lot of the jokes which also made me very happy!! :D he likes when i point out details and easter eggs (like when we were watching Bullhop and i pointed out that DIGG was playing at big mama’s party) and he doesn’t mind when i pause the show to rant to him about something either, i told him the plot to one of the episodes of my rottmnt au and he said it was good and he likes it. yay!
like literally yesterday i recommended blue eye samurai to my friend and today he texted me saying he finished season 1, so i think he turned it on and then watched the entire show in one sitting. which is exactly what i did when i watched the show the first time so… relatable. he rated it an 8/10 ('very good' on his rating system) and gave some commentary on it, which i enjoy.
my little cousin came to visit today and i swung on the swings outside with her. i memorized and learned all k sounds in hiragana and katakana, then my sister took us out to go get snow cones. (which she apparently doesn’t call them, and she doesn’t call them shaved ice either. she calls them snow balls. it’s weird that i live and grow up with someone my whole life and we somehow have slightly different vernacular.)
but sadly pelicans was closed when we got there, so we went to dollar general and got snacks instead. then we went home and watched big time rush with her, but i left to go to my room after the first episode to focus on my japanese.
i realized today when a BTR song played on the radio and my sister was like “i love this episode” and then recounted the plot of the episode / movie that the song was in, that big time rush is to my sister what rottmnt and voltron is to me. sometimes my friends will send me a screenshot or gif from either show and i’ll be able to tell them the exact scene of the exact episode it's from (and then they call me a nerd), honestly it’s weird when i’m NOT able to do that.
i forget that neurodivergence is hereditary and most of my family members also some kind of disorder or disability. LOL.
anyway that’s everything i did today. toodles!
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1-deadgirlwalking-1 · 1 month
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3/23/2024
i woke up and then went back to sleep again a few times, i actually woke up at around 3pm. my head hurts and i feel very sluggish. i was productive yesterday, i did the dishes two times, put my laundry in the wash, took a shower, and started my late schoolwork. but today i am not. today i am a blob.
i don't feel like doing anything but i think it's only because my head hurts. i'm getting better though. sometimes i feel bad because i'm like "the other day i was doing so good but today i suck" but my bad days used to be my good days, and my absolute worst days used to be my normal. i'm getting better. i can see the progress as it's happening. and that's good. i still don't brush my teeth hardly ever though, even on my good days. today my teeth are hurting because of that.
anyway i've been learning kana. the only ones i have memorized are あ い う え お き く ア イ ウ エ and オ. which isn't a lot but it's a start. i get very happy whenever i click on a japanese video and am able to recognize characters in the title or subtitles.
i also got signed up for my classes next year. right now i have all A's, my highest grade is 100% my lowest is 90%, so my counselor was encouraging me to take all the honors and AP classes i'm eligible for, but i couldn't say that the only reason my grades are stellar right now is because of me cheating on everything. i don't know hardly any of the material we've learned this year. i finally got a notebook for math class and i'm planning on going through all of my old math lessons and writing everything down so i can actually remember it all. spring break is coming up so that will give me extra time.
for next year i'm signed up for algebra 2, honors english, honors biology, AP history, and japanese. i'm eligible for honors algebra but i'm hesitant on taking it because i'm afraid of getting bad grades, i still have some time to decide. i'm also going to sign up for dual enrollment and if i'm eligible, the two classes i take will replace whichever high school ones i'm signed up for now.
my mom thinks i should take german because i am part german (ethnically) and no one in our family can speak a lick of german, it's been completely forgotten in our family now. and my dad thinks i should take spanish because we're american and that's the most logical to learn. but i don't want to do either of those. i was already planning on learning japanese and my school has a japanese class. why would i not take that?? the only downside is both my family and guidance counselor now think i want to learn japanese because i like anime and that feels extremely slanderous. T^T
i have 7 late assignments to do today. which is a lot for me. but last year i had 60+ late assignments at one point, so it's not that bad.
im typing this last bit out later !!! today started out bad but ended good. i watched mlp and drew myself as a pegasus pony, the anatomy and proportions wasnt correct on some parts but i didnt want to redraw a whole bunch.
my uncle, aunt, and family friend came over today and while everyone was in the kitchen me and my uncle watched television together. it was fun. my uncle has been watching rottmnt with me every time he visits for the past few months, and while we were watching he kept pointing out things he likes about the show and it made me very happy.
he said he loves how the animation goes all out for the fight scenes, and he likes the little easter eggs and references. i told him about my rottmnt AU/OC thing and he was like "do you have a little fanfiction thing going on here?" and i was like "yes" but i haven't actually written it all out as a story, i have the whole timeline and some episode plots written down in a document, but that's it. he told me if i felt comfortable showing him any of my writing he'd love to read it and i told him i write sometimes but i haven't finished anything yet. he said not to worry about finishing anything, which i agree with it, but it would be nice to have at least one finished product to show. then we talked about writing and how we both like it.
my family friend spent most of the time in the kitchen with the rest of the family but sometimes he walked over and would watch some of the show with us for a few minutes. the first time i put it on while he was visiting he didn't like it because it was so different from the version he watched as a kid (87'), but today when we were watching it i told him he has to not think about the other version at all and just watch the show, because if he's only thinking about the ways it's different from the thing he likes, he wont be able to enjoy it as it is.
my uncle also said to think of it like a multiverse where this is a different timeline and all the characters are completely different people from their last version. like obviously that's donatello but it's not YOUR donatello, so it's okay that he's different. which is true but the thing is, i thought that's how everyone thought about remakes and different iterations? i didn't think anyone would watch a NEW iteration in a franchise being like "oh gee oh boy i hope this is a 1 to 1 replica of the specific version i like of these characters and there are no changes whatsoever, otherwise they've ruined it and it sucks." (not that the family friend thinks that way, he doesn't) but it all makes sense now why people act the way they do on the internet when a new version of something comes out.
anyway "they changed this and it's different from the thing i enjoy, therefore it's bad" is not the same as "they changed this and it caused a genuine detriment to the story (and lifeless remakes of existing media for a quick cash grab is bad)" and i wish people understood that. i wish people understood the difference between personal taste and quality.
that's the end of my rant, byebyeeee.
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