#There has only ever been one other situation where I've gone 'Okay this is going in gay places' with no doubt whatsoever without being told

[eddiezpaghetti]

It has come to my attention that SOME OF YOU who read my last Byler post remain UNCONVINCED. So I'm gonna tack onto it this:

I'm older than fucking God and air, and I've been out and proud since 2007. Yes, I know what homophobia is, and yes, I know what queerbaiting is. I know about Supernatural and Teen Wolf and Sherlock and blahdyblahdyblah. No new ground is being covered here. I thought I made that clear in the original post, but, clearly, I did not.

I am aware of queerbaiting and homophobia, and I'm still wholeheartedly certain in Byler being canon anyway.

Okay, so there are three types of relationship I want to discuss when it comes to queerbaiting. They're all, like, "queer relationships that could have happened, but didn't".

First off, queer-coding. This isn't really a thing so much anymore, but it still crops up every once in a while. I'd argue it probably happens most with male-male relationships in family shows these days. First example that comes to mind is Mr. Smiley and Mr. Frowny from Steven Universe. You can't make a relationship canon because some shitty overhead bastard overhead said no, so you get as close as you can without compromising the show. Can't make someone gay? Well, now their comedy routine is a blatant allegory for a romantic relationship. Boom-shaka-laka. This is something I don't see being a problem with regards to Stranger Things, but I want it to be there as contrast, a demonstration of one of many things queerbaiting is not. However, one could argue that, thus far, Will Byers is, canonically, queer-coded. It's pretty fucking heavily implied in the show, and the creators have confirmed it, and you're gonna be able to see it if you're not FUCKING BLIND, but word of god is not technically canon which means that interviews don't technically make something canon, blahdyblahdyblahdyblah, technicalities, Robin has been explicitly stated in the text to be queer while Will has, thus far, not, outside of good ol' Show-Don't-Tell. Of course, anyone with two brain cells to rub together can tell that that's going to change by the end of Season 5, but, hey, for what it's worth, I'm throwing this out there.

Alrighty, Thingamajingama Number Two: "Oops, I accidentally made the greatest love story known to man." AKA, a genuine, honest-to-goodness mistake. Unfortunately, we do live in a heteronormative society. Sometimes people who don't think about being gay much write a friendship that's incredibly compelling and don't even consider the possibility that it could have been read as romantic. Something something Top Gun something. This is, again, not queerbaiting. This is Steddie, this is Ronance, this is Elmax, this is your favorite flavor of non-canon ship this week, this is not Byler. The creators know DAMN well what they're doing. They've talked about it. We know this. Nothing new here.

Which brings us to the topic of discussion here. Actual queerbaiting. This usually starts out as an "accidental greatest love story", and then reacts to fan response. And when I say "reacts", I mean like a goddamn chemical reaction. Like bleach and ammonia, bitch. It's noxious and it's gonna kick your fucking ass without mercy. This is when a creator is like, "Hey, let's get our queer audience invested, but we're not actually going to give them what they want because our straight audience isn't here for that/we personally think it's gross/we don't give enough of a shit to want to research a goddamn thing to write a real gay character," blah blah blah whatever excuse they want to come up with this time.

And when you think "queerbaiting", I want you to think "bullying". Because that's what it is. It's lucrative bullying, like beating us up and taking our lunch money, but it's bullying all the same. And it's a real goddamn thing, even if people misuse the word a lot, often when they mean one of the two above, sometimes when they mean "bury your gays", which is another homophobic thing entirely that I'm not going to get into here. Queerbaiting is the thing we're focused on, and it's real, and it's bullying. And here's the reason I want you to think of it as bullying:

They

Think

It's

Funny.

They are actively making fun of us.

That's why Dean had the "Cas, get out of my ass," line in Supernatural. It's why the "Do you like boys?" line happened in Teen Wolf. It's why "Lie with me, Watson," happened in the RDJ Sherlock Holmes movies. Because "It's just a joke, mate." "It was just a prank, bro." "You didn't really think it would happen, did you?" "You should see your face."

So here's probably the biggest reason I don't think it's specifically queerbaiting in this specific instance of Will Byers and Mike Wheeler.

Stranger Things has never, not once, made a gay joke. Ever.

Every single time queerness comes up, it's dead serious.

Lonnie calls Will a fag, and the show is not at all reluctant to show what a goddamn horrible person he is. And when Hopper latches onto that, it's not as "Hahah, is he gay, though?" It's because he's trying to determine a potential motive for Will's disappearance, and even if someone had interpreted it as a joke, Joyce immediately has a line that functions as snapping her fingers in front of the audience's face and yelling "FOCUS" when she says "He's MISSING." Basically outright saying "This isn't funny!"

Troy calls him a fairy, along with targeting Lucas and Dustin for their skin color and disability respectively, and Mike gets damn near murderous. Troy is portrayed as a goddamn monster and the show portrays it as justice when El makes him piss his pants and later breaks his arm.

Steve calls Jonathan "queer" as a slur and gets the shit beat out of him for it.

Billy's father is revealed to be homophobic and abusive in the same breath.

Mike says "It's not my fault you don't like girls!" and we're shown how devastated Will is and Mike immediately follows him to beg for forgiveness.

There is a joke in Robin's coming-out scene, but it's not at Robin's expense. It's at Steve's. Specifically for being heteronormative.

Jonathan has multiple scenes where he's trying so hard to tell Will that he's always going to love him as he is, whether he's gay or not, without pressuring him to come out before he's ready.

Even when there's a little bit of ribbing at Robin's expense, it's always because she's an awkward nerd who's nervous around pretty girls, just the same as Lucas and Dustin are teased when they both first develop crushes on Max, and even then, even then, it always comes as a package deal where they make fun of Steve's girl problems at the same time.

Stranger Things is an emphatically pro-gay show. It may not be the core point of the show the way it is in, say, Our Flag Means Death, but there is nothing less than respect for its queer characters. Its queer characters are always taken completely seriously. No one is making fun of us. They never have. That's why I have serious doubts that this is queerbaiting. It would come completely out of left field for the bullying to start in Stranger Things' final season.

So it's not at all likely to be queerbaiting because queerness is taken completely seriously. The creators have talked about Will's queerness, at least, so it's not an accident. And queer-coding would be silly to expect from this show when it's already on its final season. Like, what is Netflix gonna do? Cancel it? Not to mention all the explicit queerness that's in there already. And no one's gonna "What about the children?" a show that's had sex scenes in it since the first season.

There's no fakeout here. It's gonna happen. Breathe.

#byler #Part 2 I fucking guess. #Wasn't planning on making a Part 2 but here we are. #I seriously just want you guys to feel safe. #I'm not naive. I do not say any of this shit lightly. #But I've been around the block long enough to know what queerbaiting looks like and this ain't it. Promise. #Will's already been confirmed as in love with Mike for fuck's sake. You don't think the other half of the equation's gonna follow through? #There has only ever been one other situation where I've gone 'Okay this is going in gay places' with no doubt whatsoever without being told #And that was with Daja in Tamora Pierce's 'Will of the Empress' when I read it at like sixteen or whatever #and she wound up having whole-ass fuckin' gay sex. #I was right then and I'm right now. I swear.

[ddarker-dreams]

Forgive me if this sort of thing has been explored before but picture this scenario: Chrollo coming home to darling having a panic attack. Why? What's going on?? She won't tell him, because it's a panic attack triggered by a phobia of something very mundane. She doesn't want him to know she has a phobia and she definitely doesn't want him to know what kind of phobia. To give an example let's say she has an irrational fear of mice. RIDICULOUS. He mustn't know. Lie lie lie distract disengage.

THIS ........ this setup does something for me........... i've recently fixated on this concept where you wake up from an awful nightmare, something like chrollo coldly ordering your death and for it to be as painful as possible.

you wake up, tears on your cheeks and sweat causing your nightwear to adhere to your skin. you're met with an unusual sight — chrollo's side of the bed is empty. cold, too. he must have been gone for a while now. any other night, this detail wouldn't arouse suspicion. if anything, it'd cause relief, that you've finally caught a break from his ever-watchful eye.

then your mind reminds you that chrollo isn't your only foe. it replays those images, those sounds, snapping and squelching as your grisly end nears.

you do what you can to calm yourself. splashing cold water on your face, drinking water, wiping the sweat from your brow; the way you go about everything is mechanical. he could do it, your thoughts taunt. this isn't the monster of your bed — waking up doesn't make the threat disappear. it only brings you closer.

with shaking hands, you open the door separating the bedroom from a moderately sized living space. you shove your pride aside and call out his name. softly, at first, and then at your normal speaking volume. nothing. would he really leave you on your own for this long without setting up precautions?

or maybe... is he preparing to finally do away with you?

the world goes on without your senses bothering to process anything. your body reacts like it would if an apex predator was gaining on you; all-consuming adrenaline, unsteady breathing, trembling limbs. this unrelenting whirlpool pushes you down to abyssal depths.

you're running out of air and it's too deep to surface.

then you hear a voice you recognize.

chrollo's kneeling down beside you, eyebrows furrowing, a prominent frown on his face. he rarely reveals this much emotion, small as it is. you can practically hear the gears in his head turning, attempting to piece together the situation and its severity. his hand is steady on your shoulder and the timbre of his voice soothes you. it's so consistent, so reliable, he always seems to know what to do and what to say.

you don't care to dwell on these bizarre thoughts. not now, not when you feel like you're drowning. an anchor is an anchor, even if it's a man you've sworn to loathe. it's okay to seek comfort, isn't it? no one could judge you. you can't judge yourself, either. you've been through so much — now and in the past — what's wrong with accepting the sweet fruit he's tempted you with?

you latch yourself to him. it isn't graceful or romantic, it's clinging to the lifeline that pushed you overboard to begin with. he lets out a soft sound at the ferocity of your grip. anyone else would've been knocked over by the sheer exertion of force, but chrollo didn't even budge. he must decide to discern the specifics later as he doesn't prod at you with questions. no, he reciprocates the embrace with an ardor that would've sickened you any other time.

you're babbling incoherently and yet he picks up enough to hazard a guess at what brought this about. he reassures you that he'd never harm you, that the thought alone makes him feel emotions he thought himself incapable of. he hugs you close, rubs his hands over your back, presses lingering kisses to your temple, and shushes you.

exhaustion catches up near the final tears you've shed. chrollo keeps himself still so as not to disturb you when you fall unconscious. he picks you up gently, brings you back to your side of the bed and puts you down. fondness envelops his heart at your now peaceful visage. he smooths out a stray hair cascading down your face.

all he intended to do was make a quick phone call, but coming back to you, with your glassy eyes and trembling lips, essentially attaching yourself to him like he's your sole source of comfort ... he might need to pinch himself to ensure he isn't dreaming.

#i'm sorry i deviated from the original ask somewhat😭 #yanderes comforting their darling and their darling actually accepting it even if it's temporary. it always gets me #yandere chrollo x reader #chrollo brainrot #answered #Anonymous

[tenjito]

the tide is high, but i'm holding on. || miyawaki sakura

pairing: miyawaki sakura x female reader contents: exes to lovers, forced proximity technically, chaewon's so done, y/nkura are eunchae's divorced parents, swearing, jealousy, kissing description: you and sakura broke up right before iz*one officially disbanded. coincidentally, the both of you ended up debuting in the same group again.

it's moments like these where you start to question your entire existence as a whole, because who the fuck decided to put you and your ex-girlfriend in the same group?

okay, sure, no one actually knew that the two of you dated (aside from the other members of iz*one), so it makes sense that hybe didn't know the possible consequences of it all.

you and sakura broke up a week before your iz*one contracts ended. the two of you were having another argument—which had been happening quite frequently for the past few weeks—in the car while you drove to meet the rest of the members for dinner.

"sakura, i don't get why you're so pissed off at me! it's not my fault we barely get to spend time together!" you yelled, eyes on the road as you gripped the steering wheel tightly.

"well then, whose fault is it, y/n? it certainly isn't mine since i'm not the one who has on cancel on you everytime we make any plans together!" your girlfriend shouted from the passengers seat, running her fingers through her hair in fraustration.

"ugh sakura, let it go! i told you already, i've been busy." you stated, feeling like a broken record repeating yourself for the hundredth time. "besides, every time we are together, we just end up fighting like always!" you admitted, and maybe it was a harsh thing to say, but it was true.

but nothing could've prepared you for sakura's next words.

"maybe we should just break up then." her voice was low, almost like a whisper compared to the shouting and yelling from a few seconds ago, and her lip quivered ever so slightly as you stopped at a red light.

your heart sank. you couldn't have possibly heard her correctly... right? that question was soon answered as you turned to face the woman beside you, and the tears in her eyes only meant one thing.

you couldn't say anything. you didn't know what to say. you only stare in disbelief at sakura, who faced the window, avoiding any eye contact with you. before you could utter a response, a beep was heard from the car behind you and the light was green.

your hands were no longer firmly gripping the steering wheel. instead, they were shaking as you drove and you bit down on your lip to try focus your thoughts on the road rather than on sakura's previous words.

"pullover. i'm getting off." she suddenly spoke up.

"what? you can't just—"

"i can do whatever i want, y/n. you're not my girlfriend anymore." sakura's voice noticeably cracked while she said the last sentence, and a sharp, sickly sensation cut through your heart when you heard it.

you pulled over. she got out. no words. no goodbye. no see you later. no nothing. just the sound of the car door slamming and the empty silence that followed.

sad driving was dangerous, but just-broke-up-with-your-girlfriend sad was a lot worse. luckily enough, despite the crying throughout the whole drive, you made it to the restaurant without any accidents.

"where's sakura?" chaeyeon asked after you greeted the group, and your attempts of hiding your swollen eyes and dried up tears from your members earlier were useless, because you ended up crying to them about the whole situation.

in conclusion, that night was full of drinking, crying, comforting and more crying, but no matter how much alcohol you consumed, nothing would change the fact that sakura was gone.

seemingly enough, you learned to forget and move on from the heartbreak (or at least that's what you convinced yourself), and never spoke to sakura ever since that day.

that was until: le sserafim.

this new group was a blessing and a curse for the both of you, but mostly a curse.

it was undoubtedly awkward at the start, and there was evident tension between the two of you.

the rest of the members, apart from chaewon, were completely confused about this. all three of you were in the same group, so why was it that you and sakura seemed to hate each other? eunchae, who was probably the biggest iz*one fan there, was especially confused.

she remembered the two of you being inseparable during iz*one days. 'y/nkura' was probably the biggest ship among fans (she shipped it too), so what the hell happened?

kim chaewon knew the answer to that question since she was the only one who knew about your past relationship, and she also knew that two exes being in the same group as each other was indeed, a very bad idea. especially if it was you and sakura.

but being your leader and longtime friend, chaewon practically forced the both of you to at least try to get along.

turns out, it wasn't that bad.

"y/n, could you pass me a knife?" sakura asks, taking out a few vegetables from the fridge and laying them on the table. you perk up from your seat and switch off your phone.

"not even a 'please'?" you tease, walking over to the cutlery drawer and retrieving a knife. sakura rolls her eyes as you handed her the knife.

"please and thank you," she says before placing a carrot onto the chopping board.

you took this as an opportunity to steal a piece of meat that she'd been cooking from the sizzling pan. sakura was basically the chef of the house, always cooking for the other members. you'll never admit it, but her cooking was your absolute favourite.

"y/n!" sakura shouts, grabbing your arm before you could reach the food. she gives you a stern look and you let out a groan.

"but i'm hungryyy," you drag, dramatically pouting at the older. she lets go off your arm and smiles.

your heart flutters and your face heats up. i forgot how pretty her smile was...

"just wait, i'm almost done." sakura says, but you don't move. you just watch.

you watch the way strands of her hair fall past her face, and the way she gently tucks them back behind her ear afterwards. you watch her glued eyes that are so focused on what she's doing, and you find it adorable.

wait. no you don't. you can't. she's your ex, you idiot—

"i can feel you staring at me." sakura speaks, snapping you out of your trance.

your ears burn in embarrassment. "uh," quick, make up an excuse! "it's 'cause you're cutting it wrong, dummy. i'll show you how it's done."

you let out a breath before taking the knife from sakura and moving closer. the older just waits in anticipation, arms folded with a rather judging look.

despite the incredibly cocky expression on your face, you've never actually used a kitchen knife before, let alone cooked anything in your life. maybe this isn't the best idea, you think, and you hesitantly turn to face sakura.

"go on,"

the chastising tone in her voice irks you. just cut the damn carrot, y/n. and so you did. the knife is sharp and it goes through the carrot a lot smoother than you had initially expected.

"you're cutting it the same way. what's the difference?" sakura says wearily, and she's so close to your ear that you almost jump.

"sh-shut up, just wait!" you complain, more nervous about the fact that your ex was inches away from your face and sakura holds her hands up in defence.

"okay, okay..!"

you're a lot less confident now. you feel sakura's breaths on your nape as she's peering over your shoulder, and you don't what or how it happens, but the knife slips in your hands and you feel a sharp sting on your finger.

"shit—" you hiss, abruptly dropping the knife on the chopping board.

out of pure impulse, sakura instinctively takes a tissue from the kitchen table and grabs your hand, carefully wiping the blood off your finger. she opens the supply drawer next to you and takes out a small bandaid before wrapping it around the cut. you wince at the action, but sakura tells you to stay still and you do.

once the bandaid is on and sakura lets go off your hand, the both of you realize what the the actual fuck just happened. sakura's eyes leave yours first and she clears her throat.

"are you, uhm...are you okay?" she asks awkwardly, and you quietly nod.

neither of you even dare to face the other. it stays silent, the tension in the room threatening to crush you with its unbearable weight. the silence is thankfully broken by the sound of the door opening.

"unnie! is the food ready yet?" eunchae asks, walking into the room. sakura informs her just two more minutes and she's done. you go back to your seat, and you and sakura don't talk to each other for the rest of the day.

it's been a week since the incident, and you and your ex have been ignoring each other as much as possible. the only times you would interact was when you were forced to during practices or livestreams. of course, the first person to notice the avoidance is your leader, and she was very annoyed to say the least.

"i thought you two promised you were going to get along? you were fine last week, what happened?" chaewon is sat across from you and sakura, looking like she was about to murder the both of you.

you huff, rolling your eyes. chaewon sighs and turns her head to face sakura, knowing that you weren't willing to answer the question she had just asked.

"chae, it's hard, okay? we didn't really...end on the best terms, so it's too weird to just start speaking normally to each other as if nothing happened." the japanese woman says, grimacing at the memory of the break up.

does she regret it? yeah. every waking moment she regrets it. does she still have feelings for you? maybe. she isn't entirely sure anymore. can she undo what happened between you and her? unfortunately, no. she wants to, but she can't, and it's all her fault.

"i know, i understand that but," chaewon pinches the bridge of her nose and squints hard before continuing. "we're a team now. both of you have to stop hating each other so much, even if you're exes. you need to do it for the rest of the group, and for the fans."

you hate to admit it but your leader was right. the other girls and the fans don't know about you and sakura's past, so you have to suck it up and pretend like nothing happened, like you aren't still heartbroken.

you have to pretend like you were never in love with miyawaki sakura.

the words "i love you" were never actually exchanged by you or sakura during your relationship. it was felt, but never said. and honestly, you were quite grateful for that fact. otherwise, the break up would've hurt more than it already did. you knew that well.

"okay," you say hesitantly, looking at your leader and then to the eldest. "we'll...try."

and for the next few weeks, try you did.

it was going well so far. you and sakura eventually moved passed the awkward exes stage and into the friendly exes stage, a major improvement from the month before. the only thing you had to do now was keep it up.

your group was currently promoting your latest comeback 'antifragile'. after performing the song for music bank, your group was getting ready to leave. yunjin had to go to the restroom, so the rest of you just waited in the hall until she came back.

"y/n?" a voice calls, and you immediately turn to see who it is.

"miyeon, hey!" you say enthusiastically. the (g)i-dle member pulled you into a tight embrace and you smiled as you pulled away. "it's been so long!"

"i know! i've missed you so much,"

miyeon had been a close friend of yours ever since she was a trainee and you were in produce 48. the two of you have always stayed in contact but rarely got to meet up outside of work, so the both of you took this as an opportunity to catch up.

you were too occupied with miyeon to notice yunjin come back from the restroom, and you most definitely didn't notice the glares sakura was sending your friend as you spoke to her.

"y/n, we have to go." chaewon then speaks up, tapping you on the shoulder. you nod and say goodbye to miyeon, noticing her group calling for her too. your group made their way out, and the girls started chatting.

"i'm so tired. i just wanna go to bed," eunchae says, and kazuha nods in agreement.

yunjin gasps, "you're tired? i'm so hungry i can't even think about sleep." she admits, and they laugh.

"i agree," you say, then turn to the eldest who had been oddly quiet the whole time. "i say chef sakura should cook us her special ramen." you chaffed, but the older didn't seem too pleased.

"why should i make it? you can cook it yourself if you're so hungry." the tone in sakura's voice was aggressive, and everyone could tell something was upsetting her.

well, everyone except you, because it doesn't surprise you whenever your ex acts like this towards you.

"because it's always better when you make it."

sakura can't hide the light blush that settles on her cheeks and trickles down her neck at your words. god why was she feeling like this? she ignores the way her heartbeat was now ten times faster than before and rolls her eyes.

"it'll taste the same if you make it." she says, entering the car before you could give a response.

"what's up with her?" you mutter under your breath as you follow the others into the vehicle.

you couldn't help but notice that the car ride home was weirder than it should've been. eunchae and kazuha had fallen fast asleep at the back of the car, so obviously it was a lot quieter than usual. but there was something else.

someone else.

everyone had gone to bed by now, but as always, you were still awake. you had left you and kazuha's shared room to make some tea since sleeping wasn't something you were planning on doing anytime soon.

you lean against the kitchen counter, mindlessly staring at the kettle boiling the water, waiting patiently for its whistle to calm.

"you're still up? it's late." a voice interrupts your empty thoughts, and you look up to see who had just spoken, a little startled since you had assumed no one else was awake at this time.

"sakura." you watch as the japanese woman walks over to stand next to you, rubbing her eyes slightly, noticeably tired from the exhausting day. "why aren't you sleeping?"

there's a brief silence before she speaks up, and when she does, her voice is barely above a whisper.

"i'm sorry."

you stare at sakura, confused. "what?"

she sighs, "i-..i'm sorry about today. i shouldn't have been such an asshole to you, i was just—" she pauses, and you can tell straight away that there's something on her mind.

"what's wrong, kkura-chan?"

sakura's breath hitches, and her heart is telling her several things she can't ignore.

kkura-chan.

she hasn't heard you call her that in forever. it was her favourite nickname you'd call her when the two of you were dating, and fuck did she miss the sound of it. she had always felt comforted and safe whenever you used to use it, so maybe that's why she was able to tell you the truth. the full truth.

"i was jealous," she starts, head down as she anxiously tensed her shoulders. "i was jealous of miyeon when the two of you were talking earlier and i felt...angry. not at you, or miyeon, but at myself. and i know, i know, i have no right to feel jealous of it because you're not mine anymore and you've moved on, so i should too but i can't because it fucking hurts—"

"kkura."

"—and i'm saying this now because i don't know how much longer i can go without telling you that i still have feelings for you, and i regret ever breaking up with you every day of my—"

"sakura!" your shout stops her from continuing her rant, and she only looks up at you with an apologetic expression. she doesn't dare say anything more, and just waits for you to yell at her, or tell her that she's a shit person, or ask her to leave.

but no. instead, she's met with something nothing could've prepared her for.

your lips were on hers.

you kissed her, and she immediately kissed back. you were the first to pull away, though the kiss was only short, and sakura could only wonder one thing. why? and as if you could read her mind, you told her exactly why.

"i love you, kkura. and honestly?..i don't think i ever stopped. i was never able to move on from you, even if i knew i had to...i just couldn't. no matter what i did to try and forget, i couldn't help but miss every part of you. i missed your voice, i missed your smile, i missed the way you laughed and the way you made me laugh. i just missed you. and when you left, i knew i wouldn't be the same, because i'm nothing without you, sakura."

she's staring at you in absolute shock, and you're staring back with a hinge of fear, but there's something so soothing about the soft smile that ever so slowly forms on her face.

"i love you too, y/n. i always have."

and then, this time, it's sakura who closes the distance.

neither of you waste any time, really. sakura's hands make their way to your hair and yours are on her hips.

sakura seems more sure of herself in the harsh light of the kitchen than she's ever been, her hands firm, and seeming to know exactly what she wants.

she presses forward, pushing you back into the counter as your lips move together, hands smoothing over the fabric of your shirt, down down, and then under, and then up, and when you feel sakura's long fingers stroking the skin right under your ribs, you hum against her mouth.

there is a lot happening all at once, hands and mouths and bodies, and sakura bites gently against your lower lip like she knows what she’s doing, and that's because she does. she always does.

you breathe in all of her, and her scent is one you've grown to miss. sakura sighs against you, fingers scratching at the base of your neck while your hand slides up to slip into her shirt from below, tracing over her warm skin.

sakura makes a sound, a small, ragged sound, and you can hear it so clearly in the silence of the empty room. her teeth bite down a little more harshly when you grab firmly and you make a small, ragged sound of your own.

you slide your leg between sakura's, pull her even closer, drink in her surprised noise with a grin before carefully, carefully, coaxing sakura's mouth open.

she tastes like the strawberry lip balm she used to always use so long ago, and you can't help but smile against her lips, because it’s sakura, your sakura, whom you realise hasn't changed at all.

and then she whines, just when you thought that small, ragged sound was the best sound you'd ever hear, and it’s almost involuntary, the way you drag sakura's hips closer. her hands press more firmly against your ribs, slip forward to press against the indents of your abs, slip down, fingers dipping under the waistband of your jeans.

the door opens and there's a very obvious echo of someone clearing their throat as you and sakura rush to pull apart.

"this is not what i meant when i said 'try to get along',"

sakura shyly buries her head into the crook of your neck to hide her flushed face as she holds in a laugh.

"are you mad?" you ask chaewon.

your leader shakes her head. "no. quite relieved, actually." but her face doesn't change from the scolding look she wore initially. "but that doesn't mean i'm letting you two continue your make out session. i need sleep, and i'd rather not hear any more sounds coming from either of you. goodnight."

chaewon leaves, and you and sakura burst out into laughter.

"i missed you, kkura-chan."

she smiles.

"i missed you too, y/nnie."

#miyawaki sakura #miyawaki sakura x reader #le sserafim #le sserafim x reader #le sserafim imagines #kpop x reader #sakura #sakura x reader #kpop #kpop gg #le sserafim scenarios #let chaewon sleep #tenjito

[ingravinoveritas]

Hello, lovely followers. I was traveling for work again in the second half of this past week, but I'm now home and looking forward to answering all of your Asks that I've been seeing in my inbox. I first wanted to reflect a little bit, however, because this trip was also a personal one for me.

This week's travels took me to Anaheim, California, which is where Disneyland is (I think I actually must've not been far from where David and Georgia just were, funnily enough, as my hotel was right by the park). It wasn't my first trip to Anaheim, though. The last time I was there was when I was 11 years old, on summer vacation with my dad in California while my mom was on a tour in Italy at the same time. As you'd expect, my dad wanted to take me to Disneyland...but I was too scared and overwhelmed, and we only ever got as far as the parking lot. The gates were visible, and I remember how they loomed, that feeling of something foreboding washing over me...but rather than excitement, my tiny body was filled with dread. I mentioned this while in conversation with one of the hotel employees during my stay, and he said, "What kind of kid doesn't want to go to Disney?"

What kind of a kid. Well, an autistic kid. A kid who was constantly anxious, emotional, and terrified of sensory overload. A kid who hated crowds and noise and rides. A kid who didn't travel well to begin with, because she was afraid of new places, anything unfamiliar, anything that wasn't safe and home.

A kid who was me.

Even before this, there were so many ways that the world had said "This is not for you." But still, there was something different about it happening there, in the bright California sunshine. My favorite Disney princess as a kid was always Belle, because she also loved to read and didn't fit in with the people around her. Belle connected more with books and animals than people, and that made me connect with her. But Belle was also beautiful (as Disney princesses tend to be), and thanks to the bullying from my peers, I was very aware that was something I was not. So no matter how much I wanted to be Belle, there was no way I could ever be a Disney princess.

This is not for you.

Thinking about all of this during my trip made me feel so many things, but I was most surprised to find myself feeling a sense of nostalgia in particular, a longing for the child I was, who I wish I could comfort. It also made me feel such sadness for that child and anyone else who finds themselves in a situation or a place where the world thinks they should be happy, but they're not. And there are few things more difficult than feeling that way in (of all places) "the happiest place on Earth."

I didn't end up going to Disney on this trip, even though I had a little bit of time to do so. It's still not for me, but the difference now is that I am okay with that. That need to be the kid who wants to visit Disney--the "good" child, the child who isn't "broken"--has gone away, and I'm more than happy being adult me, and finding a place that fits me, instead of the other way around.

And that was my nostalgia trip, in quite the literal sense of the phrase. I have a picture or two to share in another post, so stay tuned for that as well...

#personal post #autism #disneyland #of course this happens during World Autism Month #so my emotions were a little all over the place #reflections #reflections from the road #childhood #thoughts #nostalgia #thank you all you lovely people for being here #<3

[knightinink]

Blitzo & Fizzarolli: Some Character Analysis

I've been thinking about this ever since ep7 came out, & the scene of a teenage Blitzo & Fizzarolli walking home after the Mammon concert has revealed a part of their relationship dynamic when they were younger.

Wherever Blitzo goes, Fizz will follow, & Blitzo protects him from danger.

Just from watching them, it's apparent to me that between the two of them, Fizz is a lot more self-conscious & sensitive than Blitzo is, and is a more "wears his heart on his sleeve" type of person. Fizz strikes me as someone who would want to help someone if he could, even if it makes him uncomfortable (ex: the fizz-bots Mammon wanted). Fizz could very easily get himself stuck in situations he doesn't particularly want to be in, as he doesn't stick up for himself.

One reason he & Blitzo go together so well is because Blitzo does, & we've seen that during their interaction with Creepzo. Fizz is immediately uncomfortable & Blitzo notices, & he starts threatening the guy to beat it or he's gonna make him swallow his fangs. But Fizz doesn't pull away, clearly not wanting this interaction to be happening right now, but it's like he doesn't know how to say "no", and eventually just ends it with "We have to go now, thanks though!" in a falsely-polite tone.

I LOVE this next short scene because of Fizz's body language.

Fizz is still hunched inwards & hugging himself, clearly uncomfortable & attempting to self-soothe, but he looks back at the guy as he forlornly screams his name. This gives me the impression that Fizz feels bad for making the guy upset, and even though he was being a massive creep, Fizz would've possibly turned back to apologize & would work something out with the guy to make him feel better (i.e. what I think happened with both Cash & Mammon, as both are manipulative to get what they want & Blitzo wasn't there to stop them).

But when he looked back at Blitzo & noticed he hadn't stopped walking, he quickly kept by him, as if seeing his best friend ignore the guy snapped him out of what would've been a very dangerous decision, & Fizz kept going.

& we see that Blitzo's instincts were correct to get Fizz out of there, because as soon as he leaves, Creepzo drops the sad act & starts angrily hurling insults at Fizz, showing his true nature.

"Fine, fuck you! You think you're better than me you elitist prick? Your act's fucking trash anyways!"

& while this comment clearly upsets Fizz, he keeps on following Blitzo away from the danger, trusting the other imp to keep him safe. Once they're away from the immediate threat, it's time for Blitzo to do damage control.

We can tell from Fizz's body language that, even though he's this successful & renowned circus performer, he's still really self-conscious & doesn't think he's as good as he is. He's been working to get where he is for practically his entire life, & still it only takes one person's nasty comment to bring him crashing down.

"What if my acts are trash? What if I'm never good enough?"

"Hey, don't let one asshole get to you, okay? You are plenty good enough!"

Blitzo isn't just saying that to make Fizz feel better in the moment, he's saying it because he genuinely means it, & he knows just how good the other imp is at what he does, even if he doesn't see it. Blitzo cares so much about Fizzarolli, & hates seeing him upset, which is why his next instinct after the danger is gone is to comfort & reassure him.

I think that, as a teenager himself, Blitzo is also self-conscious to a degree (& we see him spiral into his self-hatred tendencies as an adult & that had to start somewhere), but he's much better at concealing it than Fizz is. We know people's opinion of him (aka. Cash) & how Creepzo didn't acknowledge him as a performer at the same circus Fizz works for, so it's assumed that people know he isn't as good as Fizz is. And while it hurts him, Blitzo has been toughened by the world in a different way than Fizz has, hence why he reacts the way he does.

They were both forced to grow up too fast, being circus performers from their childhood & in their teenage years & being hardened by the world comes with that, but it affected Blitzo & Fizz differently where Blitzo would rather give the cold-shoulder & tell people to fuck off while Fizz is much more emotionally-inclined & is more likely to give in against what he wants.

Blitzo puts his opinion of himself above others, but Fizz is the exact opposite, feeling like he constantly needs to prove himself to others & who's opinions really don't matter. Fizz craves validation & Blitzo wants him to see that no one's opinion matters but his own, & once Fizz can see himself for the amazing, talented individual he is, he will be happier & more confidant than he ever was before.

But, unfortunately, because they were separated, Fizz was manipulated by Mammon into doing things he didn't want to do, all because he felt like he needed to prove himself & that he was still good enough.

-

Thanks for reading this angst fest! Here's some happy Blitzo & Fizz for getting through to the end, to lift the mood a bit!

#I love doing little character analysis like this it's so much fun! #I really love this pair's dynamic too #I'm still so glad we got to see them in this episode! #blitzo #fizzarolli #blitzfizz #helluva boss #character analysis

[nocreativityfornames]

The timing and occasion on which MC made the pacts with Lucifer and Belphegor should've been switched and here's why:

SPOILERS FROM LESSON 16 TO 20-14!!

I don't know if anyone has ever posted something similar to this but it's something I've been thinking about it for a while. I've never quite liked the way these two pacts were formed and to me, they were both timed weirdly and overall had little to no weight on the story, which sort of irritates me in a way.

I think our pact with Lucifer should've taken place at the party where MC was celebrated instead of the end of the season, it would've been much more meaningful that way and left way more impact than the disaster of a scene that lesson 20-14 was in my opinion. Because here's the thing:

Lucifer is the Avatar of Pride, one of the most powerful beings in all three realms, someone who's led an entire army through war and was maybe the first of his kind to rebel against its own creator. It's not easy to gain his respect, much less his trust, so for him to put his pride aside and offer a human the power to control his entire being, it's much more than a simple "possessive and horny confession", t's him placing his ultimate trust in someone, it's him showing just how much he's grown to care for you.

Because you deserve it. You were the human who put his dear family back together, who willingly ran head first into danger more than once just for the sake of protecting his brothers, who gave your life trying to help fix what he broke. You were much more than a simple exchange student, you were someone he had slowly come to cherish, who so gradually approached his heart that he didn't even notice you come in and before he knew it, all the irritation and distrust he felt towards you had turned into love and admiration. You were a precious presence in his life that he felt the need to protect but failed to do so.

So Lucifer offering to make a pact with you just shortly after all you had gone through was a way to let you know just how immensely grateful he was for all you had done for him and his family, to show you that you had not only earned his respect and trust but also his love. It was an apology for every time he had put you in harm's way and for not being there for you when you needed him the most. Lucifer offering you a pact it's him letting you know that he will never ever let anyone hurt you again and that he'll always be there for you from now on, it's him saying that you can lean on him as much as you need because you're now part of his family — the one thing he puts above all others and will do anything for.

Lucifer asking to make a pact with you it's him showing you mean the world to him while having no qualms about letting the whole three realms know you were remarkable enough to make the prideful Morning Star let go of his sin and give you all of him.

-

Now, let's talk about Belphegor. As I've seen many point out, the reaction to MC's death after lesson 16 as whole was terrible. There was barely any acknowledgment of what happened, no apology coming from Belphegor, and the weirdest thing of all: MC was not only completely okay with being close to Belphegor but also the only one trying to help him when all the brothers were more than rightfully being awkward around him. So let's just put it this way: the whole situation was beyond bizarre and we all like to pretend it wasn't canon.

But back to the matter at hand: Canonically, MC's pact with Belphegor is formed at Diavolo's birthday party. After he disappears from the main hall where everyone is and MC goes to find him on their own. That itself already seems wrong, I mean, I don't know about you personally but if I had just been murdered by someone a few days/weeks ago, I definitely wouldn't want to leave the side of those I'm safe with to go find that person alone. But Canon!MC is very dumb and we can't do anything about it so our only choice is to follow him.

We are also not given the choice to refuse the pact when it's proposed nor MC has the chance to speak a word about it. Now the way I see this, it's a clear sign that MC doesn't want a pact with him. They are scared and pressured into making a pact with Belphegor because they're not sure what could happen if they refused. Because then again, this is the guy that murdered them not that long ago and laughed at their dead body like he was having the time of his life. And the last time MC refused to make a pact didn't exactly go well either, with Satan shoving them into a bookshelf and threatening the hell out of them.

And if Satan reacted like that, imagine Belphegor. And there was no one around either, Canon!MC had made the stupid decision to go find Belphegor on their own and had no one to protect them at the moment. So they have no choice, they are frozen with fear and are ""forced"" to make a pact with him even though they dread the idea. It's just awful and I hate that scene so much I can't even put it into words.

MC's pact with Belphegor shouldn't have been formed so early. They should've had the time to heal from all the trauma, time to distance themselves from Belphegor, and to process everything they had been through. And then only later they would slowly start to warm up to him again, after they know for a fact he's truly sorry for what he did and deeply regrets it. After they are ready to face him.

And for Belphegor's pact with MC to be formed on their last day in the Devildom, it would've simply been beautiful. Because then Belphegor would've also had the time to learn to appreciate MC, to realize how special they truly were, for what he did to become one of the biggest regrets he's ever carried. Belphegor would've had the time to see right in front of him how you treated those you had a pact with, time to realize that to you, a pact wasn't about gaining power and status, but about forming a deeper connection with someone.

The pacts you shared were proof of your strong bond with his brothers and all the love you had for them. And honestly, it broke his heart to be the only one in the family who didn't have that kind of connection with you. But he wouldn't dare ask for it, he couldn't ask for it. He didn't have the right, not after what he did to you that day. You were nice enough to forgive him, to treat him with kindness when all he deserved was your hate and loathing. He couldn't ask for more, no matter much he wished to.

So when you come around and ask him for a pact on your last night in the Devildom, he couldn't have felt happier. To know that you had come to trust him like that again even after all he did, for you to love him enough to want his pact mark on you for the rest of your life, it felt nothing short of incredible. He wondered what he had done to deserve you, because someone as caring and sweet as you should have no business staying close to someone as rotten as him. But he gladly accepts the pact after you confirm to him that's truly what you want. Belphegor then hugs you as tight as he can, sobbing in your embrace as he is filled with both the happiness of your newly formed pact and the sadness that you have to leave.

MC being the one to ask for a pact with Belphegor shows that they've come to trust him just as much as his brothers. And the pact itself is a sign that they've both come to overcome their past traumas and now feel more than comfortable with each other. It's proof of the strong and unbreakable bond they have.

#obey me #obey me shall we date #omswd #obey me lucifer #obey me belphegor #obey me mc #obey me satan #obey me lesson 16 spoilers #omswd lesson 16 #thoughts thoughts thoughts! (⁠๑⁠•⁠﹏⁠•⁠) #☙ no creativity for names ✾

[shinjisdone]

Hi!! I just finished reading part 6 of your Thorfinn headcanons. I really liked them and I think you nailed his character perfectly.

Is it okay if I request for headcanons on a Yandere s1 Thorfinn (in a romantic way) with a female reader who's the same age as him? Reader can't really fight well and was mainly recruited by Askeladd for other skills (e.g navigation, cooking, speaking multiple languages). Headcanons on how Yandere Thorfinn falls for reader, how he generally acts, and what if reader becomes uncomfortable with Thorfinn's overprotectiveness and tries to leave the crew / ask Askeladd for help?

Thank you! :DD

OMG its so nice to hear that ppl think I write him in character 😭 the greatest compliment for any writer

*akihiko voice* I've been WAITING for this , I actually have a Yandere Thorfinn WIP that hasn't been touched for a while and I need to get back into it

gonna add this as an extra for the thorfinn series cuz there's more yandere where this came frrom

I will post it someday, dont worry

also @omoxhri and @mitsureigen because I think they might enjoy this a-and maybe @yanderes-galore (*ﾉ▽ﾉ)

Yandere!S1!Thorfinn with a Female!Reader who becomes uncomfortable around him

ooooooh okay

Oh lemme get started with this ohh I am so in the mood for yandere thorfinn

So to fall for someone I think you would need to get close to Thorfinn like in my general Thorfinn headcanons. It's not exactly the closeness but rather the way you enter his life. Taking care of him, doing favors, listening to his story of his father, being this amicable shine of normalcy as he gets more and more comfortable with you and finally realizes you could be a friend. You are a friend.

During that time of bonding he might already develop some feelings for you but they are very, very subtle. Guy barely knows what he is feeling anyway. It might be because of your smile or your care and your kindness, your skills or wits. It could be everything combined.

Well, you are also the only woman he knows and has known the past eleven years...so there are definitely situations where he catches himself feeling flustered.

The real turning point for him to become a Yandere is when Askeladd concludes his 'experiment' and almost killed you (though there is another turning point that happens at the very end of the prologue but we'll go in detail in the upcoming parts ;) ).

He is and definitely will be overprotective of you and your well-being after that like in the general headcanons for sure, but there is a slight disdain and ache growing in his heart at the thought that the murderer of his father almost took you away from Thorfinn as well.

Had he not been there...not been fast enough, not been strong enough - not like he was when he was a six-year-old child - then you would have been gone, too.

Gone. Your body left to rotten in some burning forest where the danish soldiers would stomp on your corpse as if you were nothing.

As if you were a nobody. But you aren't. Oh, if only then knew.

How he generally acts afterwards is quite the shift. Thorfinn is as protective as always but to a point where he grows the most hostile he has ever been with the band.

The men and Askeladd barely can recognize him. Holding your body close to him, you sitting on his lap as he presses you tightly against his chest...one arm to support you while the other is holding his dagger so tightly his knuckles turn white.

He's staring into nothingness with a scowl.

Your wound has long healed but the blonde still cradles you as if the incident just happened. It's gotten a bit ridicilous in the men's eyes.

One of them might say something and will surely be met with Thorfinn's dark glare. If one even took one step closer, blood will be spilled before Askeladd can cease the conflict.

You need to really, really convince him that you are okay. You may not be a fighter, but you are still needed and can't just sit in one spot doing nothing. Thorfinn would need thourough explanations and promises before he lets you go. Only to follow close behind you.

Since you are a woman, he is much more careful and protective. He kinda, unfortunately, sees you as weak and it doesn't help that you aren't a fighter as well so any kind of damage, even a chip of your nail, is immediately met with a flinging dagger at the cause of your injury.

Thorfinn truly changes. He becomes overprotective, paranoid, clingy, longing and quiet after all of this. He is silent as he protects you and will only bark out insults, as well as his true feelings for you, when he is irritated or being mocked. You can imagine that Askeladd out of all people will jab the blonde and since it is, y'know, his father's killer and the one who attempted to murder you too, Thorfinn will not hold back or hesitate to scream his head off to him.

"Don't you dare open your mouth! You bastard tried to take her away from me too!"

'Tried to take her away from me.' - that's something he says a lot, Askeladd noted and so did you. It's startling to see your friend like this.

The paranoia stems from his fear of you being killed while he cannot do anything to protect you. As a child he had to watch his father die and back then he was only a small, defenseless kid. Now, he is a killer but he barely thinks of himself in such a way. In his mind, he is strong and on the way to become a true warrior. He is strong and quiet and skilled and deadly and those are all the things he needs to be to keep you safe.

Therefore, Thorfinn follows you everywhere like a loyal guard dog. To the woods, to the beach, on the road, sitting riiiight next to you on the ship, even following after you when you need to do your business in the bushes.

Sleeping, eating, marching, working, bathing - whatever you do, Thorfinn will be there.

When you tell him that this 'shadowing' makes you uncomfortable and that nothing dangerous is going to happen, Thorfinn will ALWAYS interject. He is doing this to look out for you. You understand when you are camping outside and sleeping or when you are even bathing, but he doesn't need to follow you all the time.

Again, he shakes his head with a scoff. He does need to. He must to, in order to keep you safe.

Besides, it's not like you can fight. You always need someone to protect you in general and that one is always Thorfinn (not like he'll let anyone else be near you) so you cannot really complain. Can you fight off an ambush? Yeah, that's what he thought.

The young man doesn't ruly mean to be harsh, he is just always on edge when you are somewhere out of your literal safe space. He doesn't trust anyone, not even friendly-looking villagers. Young or old, Thorfinn would step in front of you when someone approaches you. He is not the best talker but he will be just to not have this scum or whoever dare to make idle conversation with you. He won't let you answer to any strangers or bandmates, unless necessary.

Yet, as cold and harsh as he is, he is also oddly clingy. It may be the way he always touches you to keep you with him but there forms a weird longing to always be close to you. The hand that clutched your arm now slowly slides down to your hand and his thumb is brushing your skin. When sitting on the ship and he has his arm around you to keep you steady on these wild waves, his head unwittingly leans down to your shoulder, his locks tickling your neck. And when you cuddle to sleep in the winter, he won't let go. He is so still and so quiet, only a few flustered grunts escaping his lips but he does it anyway. He still caresses your hand and he still buries his head in your neck and he still cradles you in his arms. It's strange and out of nowhere.

It is also strange to see him long in such a quiet way. The touches, the worried remarks - they keep on returning again and again, even when they are not asked for. When you ask him to cut your hair, you do not ask him to play with it for what feels like eternity. When you return from a job, you do not ask to be yelled at by Thorfinn on where you were and that you should stay by his side, only to hear a mumbled apology and have him ask you, again and again, if you are fine and in need of anything.

Asking the man who tried to kill you just to see if his little tool would react for help, is a bold move. Crazy and foolish even.

Fine, let's say it's all forgotten and forgiven (no, it's not).

Askeladd is sure to realize the unhealthy behavior of the blonde and unlike the rest of the band, is aware what it means for you and him.

A cruel part of him might keep him that way and see how far he can go again when it comes to his feelings for you.

But...another part of him is understanding. Askeladd is a cunning hypocrite and I believe he has a soft spot for women in general due to his relationship with his mother and how she was treated. He is even softer for you if you remind him of her.

So...both men have a weird relationship so you can bet that he cannot just go and 'have a chat' with Thorfinn. Instead, Askeladd would slowly begin to give orders or put you in places where you and Thorfinn won't interact as much.

(Or he could take this to his advantage and experiment more how much he can actually use Thorfinn as a tool.)

Thorfinn will notice however and demand an explanation on what the hell this is supposed to be. He would never say it but to him it is clear that he and you are to be together. Nothing and nobody can just seperate you two.

Askeladd will let out half-assed excuses but if he feels quite vexed by the lad's constant sour attitude OR if he wants to simply torture you and let out the cat out of the bag, the leader will let Thorfinn know that YOU were the one who asked him to do this.

Thorfinn does not believe him and will not for weeks. A snake like himself cannot be trusted and Thorfinn holds you to such a high regard that he'd never dream of you 'betraying' him.

'Betrayal'. That's what he sees it as so once he starts to realize that his words were the truth, Thorfinn will feel immensily hurt by you. Can't you see that he only wants to keep you safe, that he IS keeping you safe? You mean more than any of these despicable bastards could, more than some crown prince of Denmark could. He isn't stupid, he isn't crazy, he's doing it all for you! So why are you fighting back when he is your protector?!

And you've went behind his back to his father's murderer! How could you?!

You try to explain that he knows no boundaries to the point where he endangers everyone but you - even himself!

But no, Thorfinn doesn't listen. In his mind, he is the right one or rather his actions are correct. All that he has done so far has kept you alive so it cannot be wrong.

And if you try to leave the band? Forget telling Askeladd. The man is selfish enough to keep your around despite your feelings since you are still useful to him.

So there you are, leaving in the dead of the night. The attempt is short-lived for Thorfinn notices quite quickly that you aren't sleeping by his side anymore and will find you just as fast.

He stands there with wide eyes and daggers in hand. What are you doing? Where are you going?

You try to explain as much as you want but it kind of doesn't enter his head. Thorfinn is more shocked at the fact that you are leaving and instead seems to stand idly and menacingly.

He hears your words...and it would be selfish to not let you leave. There's a small ringing in the back of his mind that tells him the truth - that it is selfish to not let you go.

This life is not a safe one. Amongst abhorrent vikigns who kill and raid. And now you were dragged into his life where he keeps on risking it for something as petty as revenge.

It would be selfish. Selfish...

"No..." is all he managed to let out before he pounces on you and holds you so tight on his arms you fear your bones will shatter.

He would never hurt you. But he will never let you go.

For in this messed up life of his full of blood and death, you are the only normalcy that he has.

Besides the vengeance, he has nothing in his life but you.

The blonde tries to justify it that he can keep you safe the most. There is no one else out there who would protect a woman like you like he does. There is no one out there...that loves you like he does.

He tries to justify it while you struggle under him. He tries to not think of any 'selfishness' as he holds you close and never lets you go.

Other things about being female with a Yandere! Thorfinn where I didn't know where to put them in:

I really hate to say it but you being a woman, Thorfinn would see you as weak.

It's less about 'weakness' and more about his belief that nobody is as 'strong' as him. Having survived and killed for so long he is quite confident in his skills and therefore believes himself to be a bit special...or, if anything, closer to a 'true warrior' than anyone else in the band.

So his overprotectivess is off the charts. He won't ever tell you you're weak but might yell it out when you irritate him too much. You aren't as strong as him, not as strong as you think you are! Let him handle this.

The overprotectiveness also stems from his distrust and disgust around the other men when it comes to you. A woman like you isn't seen as a person in the eyes of vikings - of these bastards - so he keeps you close only to him (just the way he likes it).

Well, and if you have more feminine features he, well, will notice them. Of course, he will notice them when he has been surrounded by nothing but men and their features. So yours are different and new...and nice.

But not only that...he notices how different you are. When feeling anything positive, the band smirks and leers...but you smile and grin so naturally, so softly. When they laugh, they guffaw at the suffering over others and you chortle and giggle at a stupid joke. It's different and so much more amicable. You're strange and normal.

However, Thorfinn scoffs and looks away when he catches himself staring at you since he feels he is not being better than any of the other mates. He can't just...stare at your hair and your eyes and your form...he would feel like them even if he silently admits to himself that he likes looking at you.

JEALOUSY JEALOUSY JEALOUSY but only to people he doesn't think are scum :D i.e. people like Canute (anyone but Askeladd). Thorfinn isn't insecure in the slightest - he just doesn't like the fact that someone is looking at you the way he is looking at you. The same softness, the same weakness.

NO >:(

Openly aggressive to them and anyone really.

I feel like he would really like soft women idk

#vinland saga #thorfinn karlsefni #request #thorfinn #yandere #yandere thorfinn karlsefni #yandere thorfinn #yandere vinland saga #female!reader #yandere headcanons #YANDERE THORFINN YANDERE THORFINN #OH NO THE BRAINROT

[citrusbusiness]

Hey it's time for me to rant about mildly annoying things about society and being aro/ace! (Long post warning)

Okay so when I was eating dinner with my parents today and we were talking about our grandparents for a bit. Specifically, my grandma getting sick, and how my uncle traveling around all the time but living with them did not help that. Anyway then I was thinking about him, because he's unmarried with no kids and so is my other uncle. So then I brought up the fact that I have no first cousins, making my one joke about the topic that I'm the onliest only child ever. And we laughed about it for a bit, but then my mom said something else.

“See that's why –and I feel a bit like Jane Austen saying this– that's why you have to get married”

And my aroace brain already did not like that, but obviously I wasn't going to tell her that because I'm not out?? And then my dad then butted in with a joke about the reason being that the family line would end if I didn't, which annoyed me, but interestingly, my mother brushed that aside.

Instead, she said “because when you get old you won't have any siblings or cousins to help you.”

I... Had not been expecting that. So I sat there, not liking where the conversation had gone but not doing anything about it. I just put it aside to rant about later (this is that) and moved on with my evening

But I've come back to it now.

I'm not mad at my mom for telling me that I have to get married. I'm annoyed at my situation and our society for existing in a way where she's right.

I don't have siblings or cousins I'm close with who could help me. The only people I have are my friends, and who knows if I'll still be friends with them? Also, I have maybe one actually aro friend, all the others are highly likely to get into romantic relationships and maybe have children. They'll have their own people to be taking care of. I'm just going to be lower priority, that's how our society works. Hell, with the internet the way that it is, there's no guarantee that I would even live in the same area as most of my friends.

And this isn't even just an old age thing. What happens if I need a serious surgery? What person, with their own job and family and life, has the time to spend taking care of their friend for an extended period of time? I mean, I might, but I don't have the whole romance thing getting in the way.

I realize that I'm being pessimistic and that I should probably have more faith in both my friends and the way the world works. I'm just frustrated that because we place so much more emphasis on romance than we do friendships, once people start pairing up the friendships get left behind a little bit. I'm frustrated that you could make an argument that I might have to get married, not because I truly want to, but for the sake of my own health and comfort in the future. I'm frustrated that someone can say something as uncomfortable to me as “you have to get married,” and still have a decent point.

Again, I'm being a pessimist and I'm not mad at my mom. Or my dad.

…I need more irl aro friends.

#aro #aromanticism #aromantic #aroace #kinda #mostly a post for the aros though #rant post

[callmegaith]

your real honest opinion on David's character. GO!

I feel like this implies I've been trolling everyone for the past 6 years about how much I love this silly lil guy. Is there supposed to be a /j at the end of that, anon??

Bestie I would not put this much effort into a troll ever 😭 like do you think I sat there and made a whole comic series for a funny little gag??

In case this is genuine tho:

LONG READ AHEAD

cuz of course. You give me the chance to talk about David and I'll TALK

My real honest opinion on David

Paradise

Silly funny fella. Goofy as hell. I think you can read David's attitude multiple different ways in Paradise. To some he comes off as just an asshole

To others he's just a kid being a kid

I personally read his character as somewhat sarcastic and spiteful towards Jakob. His smile? Sarcastic. His "it's been a while brother"? Sarcastic. "I hope I'm not the one who died tonight" while knowing full well it ain't him? Sarcastic.

I'll talk about this more later when I talk about Mr. Rabbit!David.

David has the characteristics of most youngest siblings; He's annoying, he's childish, maybe a little spoiled and needy for attention too.

Not to jump ahead in this analysis and all but in Birthday, the box he needs has text on it that reads "hungry ghost", "ghost who is unable to be reborn" or preta. They're often spirits of people who died full of greed and jealousy. In Japanese, a preta is also "a spoiled child" or "brat"

Based on that information I thought maybe David was jealous of Jakob cuz he wanted to be the golden boy, ya know?

Tldr;

Paradise!David is just a funny lil guy who most likely harbors negative feelings towards Jakob who overshadowed him despite not even being there.

Mr. Rabbit

Who David is now. An older more mature David. Something clicked in his brain and he realized 'okay actually we're all fucked. Peace out guys I'm looking out for myself.'

Brown Rabbit:

I feel like he represents the last bit of David's naivety, innocence, and child-like spirit. The white rabbit (David from the future) sees that rabbit get killed from the window. He can no longer deny what's happening. The child within him he used to retreat to when things got bad is dead. There's only the white rabbit now

I feel like that's also something represented in David's masks

The older he gets, the more devoid of joy he becomes

He becomes more and more aware of his situation.

As a child, you have the blessing of ignorance. That's why the world feels like a safer more colorful place to you until you grow up and you can no longer protected and shielded from the world.

To me, I think that's where David's trauma comes from. His ageing and how fast he's had to grow up and become a man, despite his attempts to remain a child.

In paradise, it's likely he was still pretty much "fingers in ears going LALALALALA" with his eyes closed tightly.

Brown rabbit is all that remained of his ignorance, and now it's gone, leaving behind only the White Rabbit. The David that knows and acknowledges the cruelty of his life. A ghost of his former self.

Speaking of:

White Rabbit

What are we but the products of our traumas and life experiences.

The white rabbit, David from the future, is on a journey to save his soul and be reborn. Obviously, the goal of all the corrupted souls. There is a soul we know succeeded in that and was, in fact, reborn. And that soul is Elizabeth.

Elizabeth was the collateral damage in a battle she had no hand in. She is probably the most innocent victim in all of this family feud going on, and I think because of that, Jakob allowed her to be reborn.

Something he did not allow David to do. I think it's safe to say Jakob and David do not like each other. Seems like David's plans clash with Jakob's and so he has to be taken out of the picture, and yet, David always seems like he has tricks up his sleeve.

Somehow, David is able to go back in time to save himself. What happens after that? We don't know yet

You could argue that he failed and died in the blue cube memory of Birthday. Or that he is simply still out there rn waiting for his story to be told. Both are true cuz that's the nature of Rusty Lake.

David seems to be on his own grand journey, stuck in his own Paradox, desperate to find a way to he reborn.

The thing that stands out of course is David's corrupted soul, or rather, the many different forms of it:

This is probably due to there being multiple different David(s) from the paradoxes he's lived through.

But what is the White Rabbit David if the brown rabbit is David's reborn Asura? Is the white rabbit not his Asura too?

Hard to say. We never seen a corrupted soul take form like David's white rabbit one before, and even more than that, one that retains autonomy. After all, David had enough control over himself to write and leave Dale a letter, meaning he is fully aware of what he is doing. Yet he is prone to violence the way regular corrupted souls are.

It's likely the white rabbit is an advanced form of a corrupted soul, probably the last stages before rebirth.

That or.... Well.... It's just a mask. After all, in Paradox, David spoke with a regular human voice over the phone, meaning he was not a corrupted soul.

In that case tho, if he was already reborn... Why did he say he needed to escape his current "hungry ghost" state?

Obviously Paradox is the most unreliable game narratively cuz you're just going through Dale's jumbled up memories. It's likely he's just recalling an actual conversation he had with David on the phone at the time (which still makes no sense cuz that would mean at the time David was still a human. Or it means he's recalling some conversation he had with David at some point in his life, not necessarily Birthday. OR... That's just a memory the machine is feeding him and it never really happened. Point is, paradox can't be used as a fact for anything)

Timeline is fuuuucked when it comes to David's story so uuuh

We don't know where he is now, what actually happened to him, or wtf is going on with him.

What we do take from his whoooole story tho:

Conclusion

(you did it, chat. You made it this far into my rambly post!!)

David is a really cool and very interesting character that might not appear to be so on the surface. You only really get how complex his character is when you think of everything that has happened in the games. He has a story that is either left for us to piece together or is still not yet fully explored.

To me, David is a character born of defiance and rebelliousness, as well as the need for survival and self-preservation. He is someone who has challenged his own fate, knowing damn well he's up against higher powers, but still taking the chance to save his soul. He is resilient, and stubborn, and just won't accept his fate and die. He has challenged his position in the food chain, a rabbit who is meant to be at the bottom, proving that he should not be underestimated. To me, that's worth loving and admiring. AND IM CHEERING HIM ON! GO DAVID! GO! IM SO PROUD OF YOU MY SON!!

And that's my real honest opinion on David

Thank you for reading.

#asks! #RL: lore and theories #fandom: rusty lake #david eilander #theres so much i have to say about this guy #you have no idea #i have so many thoughts #i wish i could structure this better #like a proper study #but 😭😭😭 #hhh i love him sm

[jugglingjujube]

okay for the no one who asked: here's my Mercymorn and Camilla met in BOE and she helped Cam meet Harrow theory.

The first time I read HtN, I thought she, Corona and Judith spent the time after Canaan house in the shuttle looking for Harrow and that's how they found her. Now we know they were with BOE (with very little freedom and a very incapacitated Judith), and that Mercymorn was also working with BOE at the time, it seems too convenient that they found Harrow the first time she was ever alone. Left by Mercymorn, who was loudly announcing how long she would be gone for.

I think Mercymorn helped Cam meet Harrow. Not sure why, and there's very little textual evidence, but a lot of situational evidence.

Here's the passage we get:

Harrow isn't a full lyctor. When she goes into the river her body just kinda slumps over. She even asks how is she going to protect herself. On a planet that is covered in life, leaving her alone is a terrible idea.

This might not be how thalergy works, but if you kill the source, the reflection will disappear. She had no real reason to leave.

Mercymorn was very nervous this whole chapter. It could be because of the recent dios apate minor, or maybe because she's planning something

It's not in the passage, but they couldn't land the shuttle properly because there's no where to land. Later, we see our BOE friends in a shuttle. Theirs could be smaller, but even so wouldn't Mercymorn be able to find the BOE shuttle? Wouldn't she report that back to Jod?

As mentioned earlier, and according to as yet unsent, Mercymorn has been working with BOE. Even going so far as to heal Judith. Camilla has been acting as Judith's other caretaker. It's not wild to think they would meet each other at some point

What is wild to think is how Camilla would have found Harrow. She was far away from the nine houses. As Harrow says "reachable only by necromantic means". And they meet on the first time Harrow has been alone on a planet. That just doesn't sound possible without help.

I don't know why Mercymorn would have agreed to help Camilla. She doesn't seem the type to help someone without expecting something in return.

I also don't think this necessarily means anything. Just something I've been rotating in my mind for a few months.

#the locked tomb #tlt meta #camilla hect #mercymorn the first #i feel like that pepe silva meme #or connecting the dots #anyway i'm going to sleep

[tmntkiseki]

Originally, I wasn't going to go public about this...

But I realized something yesterday: Suffering in silence is stupid. While it is true that there are a lot of horrible people on the internet, there are also a lot of incredibly kind people--people who may be complete strangers to you, but are more than willing to reach out a helping hand if you let them know that something is wrong, and I'm tired of pretending that everything is fine around here when it's not. So here we are.

The short version is this: Ever since I disabled anonymous asks back on the 6th of this month, I've been repeatedly stalked and harassed by an individual I've taken to calling Troll-san. Why Troll-san? Because I'm an older internet user, I've been active online since the mid-2000s, and that's what they are: a troll, and they've gone through so many URLs at this point that I have nothing better to call them.

Troll-san primarily harasses me through my ask box, but they've occasionally attempted to do what they've been doing through reblogs on my posts as well. I will give them credit where it's due because they've been incredibly persistent; every time I block one of their URLs, they proceed to delete and then remake it in order to circumvent the block feature and continue sending me more hateful messages. This also has the side effect of making reporting their behavior incredibly difficult, and that's assuming that Tumblr staff decides to even try doing something about this. (And I do not trust Tumblr staff at all.)

This is one of the only asks I made an effort to take a screencap of, sent not too long after I made my post on Friday regarding my recent ER visit, and let it be said that this is FAR from the worst message they've sent me. (They have, in fact, sent a couple of asks telling me to kill myself.)

So, at this point in their little harassment campaign, I can confirm a few key details about Troll-san.

This is indeed over the fact I disabled anonymous asks. I'm not particularly special for disabling them since so many Tumblr users do it, but presumably the reason Troll-san is so wound up over it is that if they're having a bad day and feel like being a dick someone (me), they can no longer send rude asks and avoid the consequences for it by using the anon feature. (In fact, that's the entire reason why so many Tumblr users disabled anons in the first place! Because people were abusing them to be assholes!)

I am definitely not their first victim. I did some digging around yesterday and can confirm that there is at least one other user who has also been harassed by Troll-san, and there are likely more people who may have/are dealing with the same person.

Even though Troll-san has been constantly deleting and remaking their URLs in order to bypass the block feature and continue their harassment, I am about 99% positive that their primary URL is grandangelkitty. It's one of the only URLs that they haven't deleted and remade at some point, and the other user who was harassed confirmed it was one of the URLs that they had to block. Whether it'll still exist by the time anyone reads this, I don't know, but I figured it was worth mentioning.

I realize that by acknowledging what's going on, I am potentially inviting yet more harassment and allowing this situation to drag out even longer than it needs to, but A) cyberbulling is never okay, and knowing I'm not the first person to be harassed by this particular individual makes me more angry than knowing I have to put up with it at all and B) I've never been afraid of Troll-san. They lost all my respect when they ignored my first block and I had pretty much lost my ability to take them seriously by the time they remade their URL for the fourth time. I just wish they'd learn their damn lesson already that no means no and that being horrible to strangers online is going to result in them making enemies rather than any friends.

I did finally reach out to a couple people online regarding this ongoing fiasco and while I won't be naming anyone specific; thank you all so, so much for your kindness and support. I was originally quite content to try and deal with this problem on my own, but I find so much comfort and renewed energy in knowing that I'm no longer alone and that there are people who do have my back. I'm not at all weak for having to ask for help; in fact, I'm all the stronger for it.

I am hoping that by finally acknowledging what I've had to endure for the last week that not only will I be helping to protect more users from this person, but that they'll finally get the message that this kind of behavior is not tolerated in this community. For anyone who has read this far, please, stay safe and I hope you have a good day!

P.S.

#star's turtle talk

[myun-saidthoughts]

Composite Chart:

Real Life Experiences

(I will express my own experiences and in hindsight knowing some of the basics in astrology might make this post make more sense, I'm only stating experiences not what each sign/placement/aspect means on it's own)

(If anyone wants me to add some background knowledge with each composite synastry aspect let me know)

💐🌸 Libra Moon, Libra Venus, & Libra MC 🌸💐

(Moon & Venus Conjunct MC)

Now for my experience, I have this with one boy. When we are out in public my emotions and feelings can not be hidden from him or anyone, we are playful together, we flirt openly to one another, I compliment him and he compliments me back. Very giddy with one another and I like to make him feel good about himself, I just have that desire too. We aren't dating but there's a weird sense of known responsibility he has for our dynamic per se? When he is talking to another girl he over compensates by keeping the "peace." Once he talked to a childhood friend and right when she walked away he was over expressing how random and weird that conversation was, even though in my eyes it was a innocent conversation, he felt like he needed to state something. In that circumstance on that night we were really cute together, I grabbed his hand and he leaned down to go and kiss me, and it felt natural. But there has been nights where that wasn't the case, whenever he is with another girl or isn't keeping the balance he acts awkward or tries to run away from the situation to avoid the tension he feels? Another time when we stopped contact randomly for a few weeks and he randomly said to me "I haven't been on snapchat, I haven't talked to anyone at all on there" something along those lines and I was like "no worries, it's okay!" Another time he was with another girl and my sister passed him without saying hi, the following day he was extremely weird and couldn't even say hi to me?He only did when we abruptly passed each other and he nervously said "Hi love" and there's more stories. So even though I have never been upset at him or yell at him with his choices, and (never will I because we aren't dating) he feels the need to keep the balance between us. One thing though, his choices and actions affect me and my face can't hide it even though I wish I could. So the balance is shown when it's off because my face can not hide it. That might also be why he is overly aware of how I feel when he is acting off. He also has always seen me 'done up' meaning hair done, makeup done and so fourth. Even when we snapchatted I always tried to look my best, this could be my natal Libra MC but I thought he was so attractive so I wanted to match him. a

🔮🕸️ Scorpio Sun & Mercury in the 12H 🕸️🔮

Now for this, even though our attraction and playful energy is not hidden from the public, the identity and communication between the two of us lacks. I dont know where I stand with him because when I'm with him I do feel a sense of intense feelings and desires but things are left unsaid, I don't want to overstep or say the wrong thing to him, I want to match his energy and so far that keeps us in a stagnant spot. His friends and my friends know that we like each other, and on a whim I have gone up and kissed him in front of his friends and others but nothing gets passed that. Our communication is limited, we only have each other on social media, and I've known him since summer of 2021 but the stagnancy persists. (This also ties into other composite aspects but I'll talk about that later) I dream of him a lot, could be my subconscious trying to make sense of why I think about him often, but he is in my dreams, almost every night (I believe my Moon is in his 12H). When and if we ever get passed this shallow spot I do feel his energy will feel transformative and feed my natal 12H Venus. He will check that box off for me because based on the time I have spent with him, I can just feel it. He could read my eyes like a story and like I said previously as much as I wish I could hide my emotion, it's impossible.

🪬🌛Cancer North Node & Vertex in the 8H 🌜🪬

So for this placement, I do feel this resonates with our dynamic, at least for me. I am a very emotionally closed off individual, I am afraid of commitment, love, and most of all, vulnerability. So with this relationship he unlocks a side in me where I feel safe enough to be vulnerable, safe enough to give a part of myself to him in ways that seem impossible to others. If I ever do date him, from my souls being I know I won't be the same afterwards, the way I communicate my feelings, how I regulate my feelings and emotions would be altered. Now I dont know in what positive or negative way our relationship would transform myself and my ego but in my gut I know it's possible. Vertex and North Node signifies fate, destiny, these two points showcase experiences we have to deal with and it being in the 8H tells me it's about change, so in my perspective he is here for me to allow the love I want from him, to flow through me instead.

☀️☪️ Scorpio Sun and Mercury Squaring Aquarius Uranus ☪️☀️

So, this also ties into the 12H placements we share. Our dynamic and communication was constantly on and off, we talked then we didn't, we flirted with each other then we stopped, once it got too consistent he felt he needed to back away (He has a lot of natal Uranus influence). The more inconsistent our communication was through social media, the more present he was in person. The more consistent he was on social media the more stand offish he was in person (unless he was drunk lmao). It was a back and fourth tennis match. He still would feel responsible to not hurt my feelings but it was random, one day he would compensate his weird standoffish attitude and then another day he wouldn't try. My attitude would stay the same because I always knew what I wanted but I share more fixed and Plutonic energy, needless to say his Moon and Venus are in my 8H, while my Moon is in his 12H and my Venus is in his 1H.

🪐🌙 Scorpio Mercury Oppose Taurus Saturn 🌙🪐

Now here's another poor communication element. Our Mercury being in the 12H and the Saturn in the 6H. In this instance, work, mundane affairs, activities, other responsibilities and hobbies, have been the main reason why our communication has stopped or dwindled. He focuses a lot on his career and income, and the second he focused only on his career, contact through social media and in person hit an all time low, other responsibilities overtook our dynamic and his attention. And to come to think about it, if he came consistent in my life my responsibilities to my school work and other limitations such as lack of resources I have; would create a blockage within our dynamic as a whole. I could also read this as us wanting to achieve deeper topics or communication but because of outside responsibilities/other factors we don't control or limitations, those desires are hard to reach.

🍄✨💥 Sagittarius Rising 💥✨🍄

I met him online in Summer of 2021, and a few months later I randomly met him when he was on a trip to where I'm from. He became friends with people I knew, and in the early fall he came here to visit them, and I just so happened to of ran into him at a party. So, in some cases the rising signs indicate how you meet and how the public see's you two together, I met him when he was on a trip and my main outings with him was at parties/gatherings where there's alcohol.

🏹 🎀 Libra Venus Sextile Sagittarius Pluto 🎀🏹

From how I've felt with this boy, I do feel our connection would showcase change and growth for both parties. The Libra Venus wants to want the love and the Sagittarius Pluto will ignite that everlasting change and growth within one another. The energy together (when heightened and at it's absolute) would feel cohesive and ignite passion. The letting go aspect to love and to love whole heartedly seems doable and 'easy.'

🍃🪷 Libra Moon Trine Aquarius Mars 🪷🍃

When our dynamic is flowing naturally, without outside factors or limitations, our desires for each other acts well together. We both have similar love languages, our emotions can go into alignment with the way we act to each other. It's natural, and it's easy. Flirting is not difficult and there's no awkwardness when doing so, we have similar desires and attraction (again) is not hidden nor is it dismissed. The emotions in play without dynamic can flow with the actions we are comfortable with taking part it. Passion is never an issue between us two. Another analysis in my opinion is the Mars acts freely and openly to the public with no care of what other people will think, (only time there is stagnancy is when internal problems arise like I said before) The Mars doesn't feel trapped with not portraying it's emotions (whether good or bad). Therefore even when things are off the emotions are again heightened and easy to be expressed whether (I) want to be open or not.

#composite chart #composite libra #composite libra moon #composite libra venus #composite libra mc #composite libra venus conjunct mc #composite venus conjunct mc #composite moon conjunct mc #astro #astrology #astro notes #composite experiences #astro thoughts

[bcbdrums]

Mad Angry, Mad Crazy

9: Were there any alternate versions of this fic?

LOL @legendary-guest is that you?? You usually ask off anon though, haha.

(Ask is from this lovely list.)

Okay, so... Only one person knows about this I think but there was in fact...a darker version of this fic. (Some spoilers ahead if you've not read that fic yet, so maybe stop here if you don't want any. It's a dark fic, FYI.)

The majority of changes began in the chapter where Drakken finds Shego on the beach. Originally she's much more paranoid, much more frightened, and far weaker, physically. The fainting situation is more dire... And the hospital visit is FAR more dire. Drakken isn't present as much for the exam/questioning, and Shego is far more dissociated from reality... Unable to process and answer some of the questions due to her own paranoid and fearful thoughts demanding her full attention. It was much more strongly implied that the examining doctor suspected Drakken of various abuses against her. Drakken's part in the exam was different as a result, the questions being more blunt and the doctor more angry, when he was later present. It seemed pretty clear by the end of that scene that Shego was mentally unfit to make decisions for herself. That chapter was going to end with her practically being coerced into admitting herself to a psych ward. Which then would have set off another dozen chapters that were only partially planned in my head, but never written. Oh, and the water rescue scene before the time-skip was darker as well, with Drakken being less obviously there to help her and Shego being far more afraid of him/his actions, to the point of almost not accepting rescue; I kept his motivations and his thoughts far more obscure in that scene.

Why did I soften the entire thing and not go the darker route? A friend/beta advised me that it was too dark, and that the entire story felt anti-shippy. And in fact it was this very fic that caused that person to stop reading fics other than their own, except for rare exceptions.

Heh, and the published fic as it is today apparently is still so dark it caused people to form a chat "support group" to deal with how severely the fic impacted them, and nearly every person in that group couldn't even finish reading it, it was that bad. I'm glad the story has a couple of strong fans to reassure me of its worth.

No, the darker version doesn't exist anymore. Rather than save it as a separate file I just deleted and rewrote to severely soften the whole thing from the water rescue onward. And I do mean severely...

I have regrets... I wish I'd saved the darker version. It was the best version of psychosis I've ever written and I wish I had it to study now, for other projects. I don't regret how the story ended; it would have always ended there, even if it had gone through another dozen chapters of anguish on both characters' parts... The journey to get to the end just would have been a lot different and more arduous. And I do regret that this story caused someone to stop reading fanfic.

But I'll never regret what I published. I love writing angst, I love writing suspense. I love writing for that episode because it's what got me thinking about shipping Drakken and Shego in the first place, and I love the finished product.

Thank you truly, anon, for this ask.

#drakgo #kim possible #drakken #shego #dr. drakken #drew lipsky #mad angry mad crazy #kim possible fanfiction #drakken x shego

[virtualgirladv]

not to preach or anything because i genuinely believe it should be your choice and that you should have the option and would never judge you for taking that option...but i also feel the need as someone who was majorly depressed and suicidal for 14 years of my life and then pretty much only learned to become a person for the next 5 and have since spent my 20s trying and failing to experience things that every teenager does...i still have hope.

hope that things will get better. i try not to think about things that probably aren't too likely, like living forever or getting a robot body, but i have hope for those things too, shockingly. and it's because when i was at my worst, i was lucky enough to have someone who reached out and made my life a little bit better, who gave me hope, and a reason to keep living.

They probably didn't think about it like that, but that's how it was for me. And now...well, things have been bad. Years and years have gone by and I've been in incredibly frustrating situations over and over again. But I look back and think about how I'm not in that position again. I haven't lost hope that much. There are times, definitely, where I get close to it. I've lost a lot of people in my life, both to death, suicide, and other things. I've missed out on a lot of opportunities and burned myself out. I honestly am not sure if I'll ever truly recover from that.

It's like that was a different person, someone who wasn't perfect but had their life together to a degree that is now impossible for me. A person who could go out and play hockey, go to the bar, socialize, work overtime, and make plenty of money to support themselves.

I guess that's what disability does to people, though it seems not many understand that.

But at the same time, the one thing that hasn't changed is that I still have, and will always have, hope. I never would have thought I'd be here at my mothers place after not talking to her for 15 years. I never would have thought that at one point I'd have 5 girlfriends who I loved and loved me. I never would have thought that even after all the things that have happened to me, all the things i've gone through, that I could still smile and laugh and enjoy talking with someone or being in the moment. And yet...it's not like we have a choice. You laugh when something is funny. You feel sad when something sad happens. Sometimes the bad overpowers the good, but sometimes even when it's bad, things can be good. And I think that's important to realize...that first of all it's okay and doesn't make you any less when you're suffering, you shouldn't feel guilty about it, but that more importantly...you have to take the good with the bad. You have to allow yourself to have those moments and be happy.

Because...life is made up of good and bad moments. Life is made up of feeling sad and feeling happy. Humanity's greatest asset is, imo, our ability to hope. To dream. To live and adapt, yes, but more than that, our durability and strength when life sucks.

Because the funny thing is, thinking of it logically? The chances of things not getting better are so miniscule and small that it's barely worth thinking about. There are so, so many branches and paths and situations that can lead to fixing the problems you have, and ultimately only one problem is permanent- death. If the average lifespan is 70-90 years old, that just leaves so many years in the future...so many days and hours and minutes that are so large that our brains can't even comprehend how large it is. We don't even remember everything we've done in the last week or month, let alone the last year- let alone the last 10, 20, even 30 years. Nobody has any idea what's going to happen in the next month, let alone the next year, let alone the next 40, 50, 60 years. So many things can change. So many things will change. 50 years ago transgender rights were just being fought for. 60 years ago black people were still being segregated. 70 years ago the Moon was still a completely unexplored and untouched place. And you can see that on a smaller level in your own life. Especially because the younger you are, the less experience you have and the less reference you have to things in your past. It was 16 years ago that I moved in with my dad. It was 21 years ago that I played Pokemon for the first time. It was 10 years ago that I came out as trans. It was 12 years ago that I started using Tumblr for the first time.

So many things have happened in between those things. So many other things. Good and bad. I don't know that things will ever be only good, but I do know that the only way to find out is to be around, and the only thing that brings your chances of that to zero is not being around. A lot of things aren't good for me right now...but that doesn't mean they won't ever be. And I know that the more I live the more I understand myself and what I want and am able to look back on all the things I've done to make myself better. And I think as long as you can say that you're trying, that's enough. There's just no way to not make progress, inaction can still provide progress, even going backwards can.

So I hope you can be kind to yourself, I hope that you can see not only the bad but also the good, and that you can learn how to use humanity's greatest asset and keep doing your best, I believe in you, I love you, and I treasure your presence here.

(and I'm sorry for being autistic and rambly in your inbox :P)

🫶

#vga.ask #virtualgirladv

[sickficideas]

prompt #45 with ranpoe? can definitely imagine poe as the type to go silent with ranpo struggling to stop bothering him💕💕💕

okay anon I'm so sorry it took me so long to do this !!!! I've never written these two i struggled a bit but I hope you still like it 💖💖

that's stupid || ranpoe sickfic

ao3! prompt! emeto fic - please refer to this link for additional tags!

Ranpo isn't entirely sure what he can do here. He doesn't like that feeling.

He can sort of understand Poe's situation. He's trying to, at least. Ranpo has never once thrown up, but he's gathered that it's an embarrassing thing to do.

Poe seems to be dealing with some sort of motion sickness issue, because he was fine before they got in the car to head back to Poe's mansion, only about a half hour drive. He only threw up once, into a bag that the driver provided, but for some reason, he's been refusing to speak to Ranpo ever since that happened. Ranpo, in turn, has slowly gone silent with a loss of what to do.

Ranpo sighs when he walks inside. Poe has already long run off, not bothering to wait for Ranpo. Highly unusual. What should he do? It's around nine in the evening, he's sure Poe is getting ready for bed. Maybe he should too, but the idea of trying to interact with someone who's gone radio silent makes him feel weird. Ranpo is almost wondering if he said something to upset Poe. He has a habit of doing that without realizing, but Poe will almost always say something about it.

Poe's probably fine. If it's just motion sickness, he should feel better out of the car, right? So why is he ignoring him? Is it not actually motion sickness?

Ranpo finds himself standing alone in the foyer, staring at his shoes.

"This sucks," he huffs out loud, for no one to hear. It echoes back, as if to mock him.

Ranpo has never had to take care of a sick person before, but he's watched Yosano do it countless times. He's pretty sure everyone at the Agency has been sick before. Atsushi had food poisoning just the other day, and Ranpo still remembers what a pain it was when Kunikida and Dazai gave each other a stomach flu and had to be out for a week.

Should he call Yosano?

Maybe he should give Poe some space first. He'll probably come back around, right?

Ranpo decides to busy himself with useless tasks for a while. He gives it about two hours, as painstaking as it sounds to wait that long. He usually goes to bed late, anyway. He spends longer than necessary playing a marble flicking game on his phone that he's been addicted to recently, sitting on the stairs in the foyer.

He thinks by now, if Poe was back to normal, he would have heard from him. Whether it's a phone call, or a longing call from somewhere in the mansion, Poe being quiet for this long just isn't normal, not at all.

"Hmmm…" Ranpo huffs as he stands up. He doesn't like this. He'll make sure Poe knows that, but first he needs to figure out what's going on.

When it makes it to Poe's bedroom, he finds he's already changed, and fallen asleep. His hair has fallen over his eyes and Ranpo can't see his face, thanks to Karl sleeping right beside his head.

Ranpo can't decide if that's good or not. Poe isn't the type to easily fall asleep, but Ranpo supposes if he's not feeling well, he's probably more tired than normal. So he decides the only real option he has is to join him and go to sleep too.

But he can't.

He's changed into something more comfortable to sleep in and tries to crawl into Poe's larger-than-king sized bed without waking him, but after a few hours of lying there in his own thoughts, he realizes he can't fall asleep. It's pointless to try with this weighing on his mind.

He feels Poe shift on the other side of the bed, and Ranpo can't see him, facing the wall. He thinks he sits up, but he's still for a moment. Just when Ranpoe decides he should turn around, he hears a faint groan of pain from Poe, and suddenly, his weight is missing from the bed. He hears the soft patter of Karl's footsteps following him off to wherever he's going.

Ranpo doesn't waste any time following him after he realizes he's headed for the bathroom.

Poe has already closed the door by the time Ranpo makes it there, and he wonders if Poe realized that Ranpo was tailing him. He waits a second, just in case he's actually going to the bathroom, but he's pretty sure he's gone in there to throw up - and he's right. He hears that pained groan again, like a wounded animal, followed by the weakest retch he's ever heard, and a splatter in the toilet water.

"Ugh…"

So he was right. It wasn't motion sickness after all.

He doesn't bother knocking, he's too preoccupied with his thoughts. He lets himself into Poe's far too excessive master bathroom and finds him in the corner, elegantly draped over the toilet, if that's even possible. Karl is curled up beside him, giving Ranpo a pitiful look, like he's asking him to help. Dammit, why didn't that damn raccoon say something sooner?

Ranpo kneels next to him, but he's not sure what to do. Poe is shivering, his head still ducked into the toilet. Each time he breathes out there's a pathetic sound, something between a moan and a whimper. Sure, Poe is more on the dramatic side, but Ranpo is pretty sure he hasn't realized anyone else is here. He really must not be feeling well.

Poe starts to lift his head, and Ranpo decides he'll let his presence be known.

"You should've told me you were -"

Poe flinches, nearly falling backwards as his eyes blow wide. Karl mutters something as he climbs onto his lap and Poe's eyes focus on Ranpo. He breathes a sigh of relief and lays a hand over his chest.

"Ranpo, you scared me," Poe murmurs, but Ranpo doesn't have time to apologize. Poe's eyes go wide again and the hand on his chest moves over his mouth, and following a burp, a gush of vomit spills past his lips and down the front of his shirt. Karl barely has time to dart out of the way.

Okay, that's definitely not good.

Poe doesn't even seem to fully grasp what just happened, but regardless, he's definitely not done. He keeps his hand, now covered in hot vomit, up by his mouth, and the wet burp he tries to stifle sounds like it'll soon be followed by more.

Poe gags into his hand and Ranpo guides him back over the toilet as he brings up a thin stream of digested food into the toilet. He whimpers, laying his head on the toilet seat, eyes screwed together. His stomach must really be bothering him.

Karl, who Ranpo swears is not a normal raccoon, nudges Ranpo's elbow and shows him that he's brought a new shirt - some fancy ruffled satin thing, just like the one Poe is wearing now, and a pack of wet wipes. Ranpo gives him a nod as a thank you, deciding he'll have to give him a good talking to later to figure out how on earth he did that.

Poe's arms are wrapped tight around his middle and he moans, mouth slightly agape and hanging over the toilet. It sounds like he's forcing burps to bring up whatever must be creeping up his throat, and he somehow manages to get it up - a wave of pale, thick vomit pouring from his mouth and splashing into the water.

This has to be some sort of stomach bug.

Ranpo isn't sure what to do. He doesn't know if Poe is okay with him touching him or giving him any comfort while he's feeling so sick, and even if he was, Ranpo isn't sure what he would even do, or if it'd help. He's trying not to get himself worked up. What would Yosano do here? Or even Fukuzawa?

So he just ends up sitting there, knelt beside him for the next several minutes as Poe breathes into the toilet, letting the saliva that pools into his mouth drip to join the rest of his stomach contents.

Eventually, Poe straightens up again, one hand still pressed against his stomach, evidently not bothered by the vomit that's spilled down his front, or down his chin, either.

He makes eye contact with Ranpo and his expression falls apart, looking near in tears as his shoulders drop. Ranpo scoots a little closer to him and Poe doesn't waste any time in leaning forward to duck his head in the crook of his neck. Poe is still uncharacteristically quiet, but he's not making any effort to avoid Ranpo now, and he feels a wave of relief wash over him.

Ranpo isn't used to the physical affection thing, but he won't deprive Poe of that now if he needs it.

He can feel him shaking, trying to take methodical breaths. Ranpo's pretty sure he can hear his stomach gurgling. He highly doubts he's done throwing up if his stomach sounds like that.

"We should change your shirt," Ranpo tells him.

"Oh, yes…I'm sorry," Poe murmurs as he backs up. Karl has a wet wipe in his mouth that he offers to Poe, and he takes it to haphazardly wipe off his hand. Ranpo takes another to wipe the corners of his lips for him.

"Why?" Ranpo asks, taking the hem of Poe's shirt and lifting it up. Poe can barely lift his arms to help him out, but he makes it work.

Poe tilts his head, like he's not sure what Ranpo is referring to.

"Why are you sorry?" Ranpo asks as he pulls the shirt over his head, trying his very best not to get any of the puke in Poe's soft locks.

"For…taking you away from your sleep," he offers, rubbing at his eyes after Ranpo manages to get the shirt off of him, "and…having to clean me up."

"That's stupid. It's not like it's your fault," Ranpo tells him. Maybe, if Poe for some reason vomited on purpose, but that's just a ridiculous notion.

"I suppose that's true," Poe says quietly as Ranpo tries to get Poe's head through the new shirt. He has to get a little closer to open another button, and when he does, he's met with Poe's eyes, glassy and half-asleep. Ranpo doesn't see them like this all that often. Poe shyly turns his head to the side.

"You don't have to be embarrassed," Ranpo tells him, helping him get his arms through the sleeves. "I don't really mind this stuff. I'm used to it."

"It's…not that, at the moment" Poe murmurs, "your eyes are so…they just made my heart flutter, for a moment."

Ranpo can feel his face getting red at that comment. Poe often says things like that, but for some reason right now, Ranpo's heart flutters back.

Poe seems amused by whatever expression is currently plastered to Ranpo's face, but his brow twists through a moan of pain. His hand flies back up to his mouth to stifle a belch, and Ranpo makes sure to guide him back over the toilet in time, and gently tugs his hand away from his face. A gurgling burp or two brings up a torrent, this time, of half digested food that Ranpo is almost sure burns coming up. Something comes out of his nose, too, and Ranpo cringes at the thought of it being vomit. Ow. He still has a hand on Poe's arm, and he moves it to his back, gently rubbing it.

"I hope…" Poe murmurs. The next belch doesn't sound as wet as the last few, but it sounds just as miserable. He moans, rubbing his own stomach for some kind of relief. "I hope this isn't food poisoning…"

"Can't be. We ate the same things," Ranpo tells him, mentally shuffling through any of the meals they had earlier that day. He feels fine. "It's probably a stomach virus."

Poe sounds like he wants to say something else, but he's interrupted by another slurry of vomit rushing past his lips. He presses harder against his stomach with a frustrated groan.

"Sweetheart, please…can you call one of my doctors in?" he asks quietly, sounding like he's nearly in tears. He props his free arm up on the toilet seat. "There's a phone book in a drawer on my nightstand…"

"Oh, sure," Ranpo stammers, but of course, Karl has beat him to it, somehow already dragging the phonebook over. He flips the page and even uses his nose to point out the number that needs to be called, almost like he's had to do this before, and Ranpo's heart sinks. He's never seen Poe sick before at all. Does he often deal with things like this?

Ranpo calls the number and requests the doctor to visit, she says she'll be over in half an hour. Ranpo watches Poe the whole time he's on the phone, taking deep, shuddering breaths and moaning from the pain and discomfort he must be in, but he doesn't see him vomit again. Ranpo's only now noticing how pale he is, how his cheeks are flushed pink.

"You have a fever," Ranpo tells him with just a moment of his hand on his forehead. He frowns.

"That explains why I feel so faint," he murmurs as he sits up, laying the back of his hand against his own forehead to check for himself. "Ranpo, I…I know you said it's pointless to apologize, but, I should apologize for my behavior today…I shouldn't have gone silent on you, I was…I was embarrassed…"

Ranpo's surprised he's bringing this up. His shoulders sink. It really wasn't a huge deal, but he's glad Poe brought it up. "It's whatever. I could've helped you sooner if you said something, though."

"You're right, dear…I'm sorry," he says quietly. He sounds like he's starting to fall asleep. "I'll remember for next time…"

Ranpo offers a hand to help him up. His legs are shaky and he leans on Ranpo for support most of the way, and Ranpo helps him back into bed, too.

And then comes Karl, again, with a washcloth, at least allowing Ranpo the dignity of going to run it under the sink himself. He would really start getting suspicious if the raccoon had done that. He brings it back and brushes Poe's hair away from his forehead, meeting his gaze again. He's trapped there for a few seconds, wondering why Poe is staring at him like that before he turns his head again.

"Your eyes are too much for me right now, I'm afraid," he stammers, sounding embarrassed. Ranpo thinks his pink cheeks even deepen a shade or two.

Ranpo, somehow, had nothing to say to that. He's almost embarrassed himself. He lays the washcloth on his forehead, to which a shiver takes over Poe's frame, only to relax a few seconds later. Karl curls up on his pillow right beside his head.

"Thank you, dear," he says quietly just after his eyes fall shut. Ranpo isn't sure if he's talking to him or the raccoon.

"The doctor'll be here soon," Ranpo reminds him as he sits beside him on the edge of the bed.

"I'll just shut my eyes for a bit," Poe tells him, already sounding half asleep. Ranpo figures he's exhausted from all that vomiting. It probably wouldn't hurt to get a few minutes of rest where he can get them.

Poe stretches a hand out, albeit weakly, in Ranpo's direction. Ranpo is confused at first, wondering if he's asking for something, but he's done this before. He wants him to hold his hand. Ranpo takes it. His hand is so warm.

He's not really sure what to make of the heat that he feels in his cheeks and ears, he just hopes it's not a fever too.

#theyre so soft #i love them very much theyre married in my brain #sickfic #sick #illness #ill #bungo stray dogs #fever #my fanfictions #vomiting #bungou stray dogs #emeto #bsd #ranpoe #ranpo #poe #fanfiction #fanfic #ao3 #requests #emetophilia #ask box

[xx-lemon-drop-xx]

Have you heard about all the ror drama that's been going down?

I've had countless accounts ask me this exact question and no matter how many times I delete them, they just keep coming in. So, I'm addressing it. (It's four am, spare me the spelling mistakes)

Simply put, if you are talking about the situation with Mina, I read her fics every once in awhile when they popped up in my feed but our interactions haven't really gone any further than that. From what I've heard what she's done is utterly disgusting and unforgivable, and I sincerely apologize as a 19 year old and an adult myself to every minor out there that had to deal with grooming and being shunned out. As someone that's been groomed myself as a minor, it isn't easy to talk about and deal with and can be quite triggering.

It's not my drama and I will not be putting myself into it; however I will say that all minors are supposed to feel safe, and comfortable, and most of all; protected. No one deserves to go through the horrors of being groomed (online or in real life) and then not being able to speak out about it in the terror something will happen. My heart goes out to all that had to deal with it in this world. Sadly not all adults act like adults.

As for the anons that keep popping up into my inbox (and others likely) it's not your drama to know about, so leave it alone. It's being dealt with by the people that deserve to deal with it and come to terms with it. You have no right to try and barge on in and stir the pot all up on them again. There's been enough drama in this fandom.

As for the other asks I've received:

1. Yes, I am still writing and am planning on uploading sometime soon. (hopefully) I am still in the ror fandom, the twist fandom, and Hazbin Hotel has taken over my brain. I know it's been awhile, though my mental health hasn't been the greatest as of late. So I suppose I've been on a hiatus of sorts.

2. No, I do not write for minors of any sorts. So all of those people asking for smut for Sebek, or Riddle, or the leech brothers- its not happening, sorry. They are minors in the game, need I remind you. It's all over my account I only write platonically for minors.

3. My requests are closed as of now, sorry. So any other requests that come on through will be deleted, I don't want to be suffocated in requests.

4. (The most asked) Yes, I am okay!! I'm fine! Thank you all for your kind messages and I have read all of them! (You are all so sweet, thank you)

5. Yes, I am apart of the Lgbtq+ community. I myself is pansexual! And I have no idea if I'm asexual or not as of yet, I'm still dabbling around in that lmao.

I hope all of you have a wonderful day/night/where ever you all are. Keep your head held high, the sun never fails to shine!

#anon answered #anon ask #anonymous #Snv #record of ragnarok