#Sorry for obsessing over the miserable end they wrote for this character. As if it’s my fault | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

shiny-jr · 8 months

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from IGNIHYDE

- Warning: Yes, this is still a yandere thing. You have been warned. Gender-neutral reader.

- Characters: Idia Shroud, Ortho Shroud.

- Summary: (Continuation, after this “we just got a letter, wonder where it’s from”) You have barred them from entering the safety of Ramshackle Dorm, but they are determined to make their words reach you. Which is why the letters begin arriving at your doorstep.

- Note: This seems a little more low-key than Diasomnia, but the obsession is there if you squint. It’s just way more low-key than the previous group. For some reason I feel like I maybe wrote Ortho a little off? Not sure. Feel free to tell me your thoughts.

Diasomnia | Ignihyde | Pomefiore

The break ends quickly. Too quickly. Before you know it, you’re back in front of the mountain of unread letters that appears even more ominous than before now that you could guess what sort of dark contents they may hold.

For your own peace of mind, you’ve decided to read only two and then take a pause right after.

The first of which was just a simple long white envelope. That’s it. There was nothing that stood out about it, no special seal or stamp. It was just the generic type of encasing that made it look like it was some sort of bill instead of a letter containing what was bound to be a message that unsettled you in some way, shape, or form.

When you removed the letter, you was surprised to see that it wasn’t handwritten, it had been typed and printed out. It didn’t take a genius to figure out who this was from.

Player,

I messed everything up.

I don’t even see a point to doing this, writing this for you. I mean, if I were you, I’d never want to see my no-good miserable face ever again. I’d go to every length just to avoid even speaking to me again, and to spite them I’d never even show myself around again. But–– Ortho was making a letter and brought my keyboard to my lap. He said it was worth a shot, and if anything, it could be used as an apology so... sorry.

Any sorry would sound half-assed, considering what happened. It’s not like it matters, since I’m sure you wouldn’t read this. I imagine you would figure out it’s from me, and proceed to tear it up, burn it, whatever. And honestly? Valid. At this point, I’m sort of using it as a vent. Usually, I’d be telling Ortho all this, but all these thoughts I’m having would only bum him out and he’s depressed enough as it is.

You know what sucks besides all of this? The fact that I genuinely tried. I actually tried to be a help for once, and like it always ends, my attempt to help screwed it up even more. Maybe if I had kept my mouth shut and minded my own business while holing myself up in my room like I always do, things wouldn’t have turned out this bad. If I just did what I was good at, which is nothing, Ortho and I might’ve avoided the shitstorm. Everyone else is currently throwing pity parties and plotting these super over elaborate schemes to try and interact with you by luring you out of the Ramshackle place.

Ortho’s been coming up with plans too with other guys from the dorms that are just so desperate for your attention. It’s sad to watch, pathetic too, but I don’t have the heart to tell him not to bother with it. And me, I know better. If I were in your position and I saw all these attempts, it would definitely make me extra bitter and just hate everyone even more. Oh, I just remembered something worth mentioning. You may not believe me, I mean, I wouldn’t believe a single word coming from me, but I wasn’t actually going to hurt Grim. You though? Before I knew who you were? Yeah. Don’t get it twisted though, I was just doing it to fix everything until the whole truth got leaked not too long after.

Call me stupid, I guess. When I first saw how others revered you like how a bunch of creepy basement-dwellers look at a pretty perfect idol on a shiny bright stage, it was a major red flag. I wanted nothing to do with you. But when you started worming yourself into my life and I started getting attached, well, that made me a creep too for liking you. Red flags be damned. What can I say? Your presence even through Yuu, made me feel like I mattered, which is something I don’t experience a lot.

You’d never know it, but I took risks just to be in the same room as your avatar.

Missing special events on games, losing the chance to catch a concert live on screen, even ditching group calls with teammates and friends... All of that was utterly worthless if I got at least a solid sixty seconds by you.

Unlike everyone else, I know better than to just show up at your doorstep and beg for forgiveness like some misguided puppy. Malleus and co. have been making sure you’re not disturbed, guarding you like a pack of guard dogs or something, preventing anyone from embarrassing themselves and messing up any further. Ortho said I should at least try to call you, I think he just wants to hear your voice. But why bother?

Don’t get it wrong, I’m not just letting everything go just like that. As much as I’d like to, and I know it’s probably the “healthy” and “good” thing to do, I don’t want to. I’m not good, you know that already. I’ll keep in the background this time, and try not to mess up again. Although no guarantees, because with my lousy luck, I know something will inevitably go wrong. Don’t worry, I won’t bother you. I wouldn’t want to make the mental image you have of me in your mind even worse, if its even remotely possible for it to somehow get worse. I just can’t let go. Even if you looked at me like trash, avoided me like the plague, or straight up tell me ‘I hate you’ to my face, I still won’t let go.

And, well, all I can really think of right now besides you, is Ortho. Even if I can’t show my disgraced presence to you anymore, I still hope you’ll see Ortho. At least if Ortho could explain to you that he was acting on my plan, he might get lucky and be next to you again. Maybe. Hard maybe.

But me? No, I don’t ever deserve to be anywhere near you anymore. For now, I’ll go back to how things were way back... when your vessel hadn’t yet had the misfortune of meeting me and I just watched your every move from monitors like some sort of loser schmuck.

I think I’ll just imagine how things would be if I hadn’t doomed all my chances. If I had a chance... maybe I would’ve actually worked up the gall to sit next to you, or even look at you, or, hell, talk to you. At least, I’ll always remember when you used your avatar to look at me and it didn’t feel bad... like, almost like you didn’t see me as some lame nobody. That must’ve been my mind just playing tricks on me though, right? There’s no way that happened...

Enough of this mushy stuff though. I’m sick of it.

Just throw this in the fire without a second glance.

Idia Shroud

In order to get this over as quickly as possible, you decided to continue without taking a breather. The quicker you finished reading them, the better, that way, you wouldn’t even give your mind any time to fully process what you were reading before overwhelming your vision with more lines and lines of words until they became blurred together.

You wouldn’t stop, because if you stopped, that would be allowing your mind the opportunity to spiral out of control. You needed a distraction.

This wasn’t exactly the good type of distraction either, it was more like adding gasoline to the fire, but part of you had to know what they would say. No matter what feelings you held, the curiosity outweighed it.

The second letter is identical to the first, a simple long white envelope with no particularly interesting details about it other than the fact that it had zero stains and no wrinkles on it. It was pristine and clean, not even a drop of ink on it. The insides of the envelope itself were blue, with small white lines on it, but upon closer inspection it became obvious that they weren’t just stripes, they were skull symbols so tiny that it was hardly noticeable.

Of course, as you expected, the letter inside was not handwritten. It was folded so precisely into thirds, and unfolding it displayed the typed and printed words neatly stacked in indented paragraphs.

Greetings, Player,

First, I want to apologize sincerely.

Secondly, I want to tell you how much I have missed you, and my brother has missed you as well! I don’t believe I can fully comprehend how you are felling at the current moment, and I cannot even accurately guess to what emotions you are experiencing. In my attempt to alleviate the situation, I’ve been running millions of simulations of possible alternative futures in order to take the best route where things might return to a semblance of normalcy.

Well, a new normal, now that you’re here! However... when each simulation yields a result, I can’t help but feel as if something is wrong. That’s when I realized there was a key component that was off. It was you, or rather, Yuu. We know of Yuu and their mannerisms and opinions, but that isn’t really you. Yuu is a vessel, and extension, that’s partially based off yourself.

So none of us know the true you. At least, not yet! I’m hoping to change that. Just when I think I’m beginning to understand you, things like this happen. But, that’s what makes you so exciting! There’s always some unforeseen detail and amazing new aspect of yourself to learn about. Once I get a proper grasp on what you’re truly like, I can use that new knowledge to make you happy, just as you made me and my brother always smile! But also, I want to use it to make it up to you. Honestly, I’m scared that you’ll hate me. In the simulations I ran that gave inaccurate results due to those missing components, nearly all the results had a bad ending...

I don’t want that. I want to have a ‘normal’ way with you and Idia! A good normal! Like where we might all have movie nights in the Ignihyde dorm with freshly popped popcorn and candies as snacks, or study days when we read over notes and help each other out, maybe you might even be able to convince Idia to leave his room so we can all share lunch in the cafeteria like a group of friends would typically do! That’s what I want! I don’t think I could stand knowing I made you cry or was the cause of your pain. I never hurt you, right? At least not physically.

Believe me, I had made attempts to meet you. But those in Diasomnia won’t allow it. I was tempted to charge up the technomantic beam installed within my form, but realizing it wasn’t necessary, I didn’t. Idia was right when he didn’t make an effort to even join me, and Malleus Draconia with his own have realized it too. You aren’t ready yet. Even if I’m more than prepared to see you, I can’t rush you. So, I left this letter in their hands, hoping it reached you. If not, there’s no worries. I’ve prepared a dozen more printed copies and if that fails, I’ve created a digital copy!

Since I couldn’t tell you in person, I’ll tell you through paper...

I’d like to invite you to formally meet me. I’m even prepared to surprise Idia with this! That’ll cheer him up for sure. You always made him happy, so us properly meeting you would be a dream come true for us both!

If you’d like to do something upon meeting us, I’ve organized multiple activities for us to participate in. The other first years have reached out and expressed their own desires to make up for the mistakes they made. So, I met with them a few days ago to make plans you might enjoy! These plans are still in the preparation phase, so I can’t reveal them quite yet, but soon I will!

Anyways, I just wanted to make you aware of this. And I want to say ‘I’m sorry’ even though it feels minuscule to what I’m only guessing must be the strong emotions you feel toward what occurred. But I wanted to let you know that I always want to be your friend, and I always will be, even if you don’t really like me anymore. Friends are supposed to be there for each other, right? So I’ll be there for you now. Remember, I’m a high-tech being, I can be of great use to you if you want! Even if you’d rather just use me as a tool, I would be happy. If you want someone obliterated to ashes or are just looking to answers as to what the weather might be, I would gladly help you with that and so much more!

And it’s not only me that could be useful to you, my brother can too! Although he probably won’t say it, he depends on you a lot. You’re like a battery to him, you give him the energy he needs. If you’d let him, let us both, we’d be there for you in a zeptosecond!

There’s one thing I know for certain. You’re the common variable needed for our happiness, no matter the scenario or result, you are a requirement. And I’m certain we can bring you happiness as well. Myself, my brother, and everyone that treasures you, can bring you joy if you allow it. All I want is to see you happy, and everyone else happy as well. So will you please at least consider seeing us again? Soon? Please?

Hoping to see you soon.

From your friend,

Ortho Shroud

#twisted wonderland #twst #yandere twisted wonderland #yandere twisted wonderland x reader #yandere twst #twst imposter au #I didn't ask to get isekaied #we just got a letter wonder who it’s from #idia shroud #yandere idia shroud #twst idia #ortho shroud #twst ortho #yandere ortho shroud #ignihyde

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gardensofthemoon · 8 days

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20 questions for fic writers

Tagged by the lovelies @ettelene and @tilion-writes, many thanks! Sorry for the late response, been busy with real life commitments.

1. How many works do you have on Ao3? 10

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count? 38,319 words

3. What fandoms do you write for? Currently, Silmarillion and MDZS/The Untamed, though I haven't posted anything yet for the latter.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Fëanor posts on r/amitheasshole

Capodopera

Family Dinner

Immortal Longings

uprooting

5. Do you respond to comments? Yes, always! And I ramble a lot.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Hm. I write quite a bit of angst, and I can think of at least three fics of mine with sad endings, but I think Cardinal takes the cake. It's a bleak end, miserable, made even more so by the relative tenderness of the main story.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Probably Fëanor posts on r/amitheasshole, because it's crack. Nobody dies; is that the low bar for a happy ending in the silm fandom?

8. Do you get hate on fics? So far none, but I expect to get some in the future as I want to write about darker themes. And I'm mentally preparing for posting in a new fandom that's known for its toxicity.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Yes, and I plan on writing more! I love shipfic, I love romance, this is the main genre I read in fanfic, so. If I had to classify my style of smut, I'd say it veers into porn with feelings territory. The main sentiment behind my writing, behind all my writing, smutty or not, is yearning. What intrigues me is what the characters are feeling, their thought process, building the tension and portraying their dynamic. I don't think I can write smut just for the sake of smut - and there are so many facets of the characters' personalities that can be explored through their kinks, their bedroom attitude, their emotions and insecurities. Also, I write slash, though I'd like to try my hand at femslash as well.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? No, but I've thought about it. The logistic aspect of it ruins the fun, unfortunately.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? No.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Not yet.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? Not sure if they can be considered "all-time" favourites since I got into fandom less than a year ago, but the ships I'm completely obsessed with are Curufin/Finrod for the silm fandom and Jiang Cheng/Wei Wuxian for mdzs/cql.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? My Curufinrod in Valinor fic that I talked about on here. It's a long project and I'm used to writing one-shots, so I keep telling myself I'd work on it and post it once it's finished. Not sure when or if that will happen.

16. What are your writing strengths? Story concepts, comedic timing, eliciting emotions. Prose if I'm feeling confident.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? I am always obsessing over sentence structure, conveying tone, and word choice. English not being my native language doesn't help either. Technicalities aside, probably dialogue and longer story arcs.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? Ambivalent.

19. First fandom you wrote for? The Silmarillion! Best fandom.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written? The second chapter of Capodopera (which is composed of two mirroring one-shots). I think I managed to write precisely the story that I set out to; I'm pleased with everything about it, from the prose to the characterisation, to the escalation and the power shift, to the smut scene. And it doesn't hurt that it's the most self-indulgent thing I've written for my silm otp.

I'd like to tag two of my favourite writers @crackinthecup and @tobermoriansass, I'd be super curious to read your answers!

#tumblr games #fanfic #elio writes

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edgygayguy · 8 months

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Nobody who follows me on here gives a shit about literature but I just finished Morphin by Szczepan Twardoch and I need to be heard

I started reading around may, one of my polish teachers told me to read it since she assumed I'm "interested in narration". This book is singlehandedly responsible for 3 large breaks in my reading habits, the biggest one being literally all of vacation untill now. I read 50 pages a day and to remedy what this book caused me required dusting off a lot of fucking audiobooks.

I hate the book but I have to say it's objectively pretty damn good. Because I took such long breaks and didn't want to read it most of its meaning and themes probably escaped me but idgaf, I just want to move on with my life.

If you want to read it stop here because now I'll be writing down all the shit I remember from it so I may better remember it later.

The book takes place in 1939 Warsaw, just after the Nazis took over. The hero is a miserable shadow of a man guided by a mysterious female voice, which interrupts the narration. The voice isn't that prominent at the beginning and end of the book, but it's very on display for most of the middle.

At first I thought the voice was his anima, maybe his daimonion. Then I thought she was some sort of Goddess. But in the end I believe her and her sisters represent what another polish writer, who came close to getting his hands on the Nobel prize award for literature, Witold Gombrowicz calls "Form".

Form is a complicated thing, but the most basic definition is "situations which, once set in motion, have to unravel a certain way and cannot be interrupted, mostly because of social norms". So a mini version of the ancient Greek fatum.

The hero is being guided by the voice thought the book, his actions directly chosen by the female voice who keeps vigil over him.

The big theme of the book is personhood and identity, who am I? At first the hero is a half baked shadow of a man, so he is a slave to the voice and form. Later through a confident woman's actions he realizes that he isn't the things he likes, his nationality, his interests, his relationships with people. He simply is. He breaks free of the voice and is able to slowly begin his journey as a fully fledged human being. Though it's interrupted by his childhood friend who's life he ruined by sleeping with his wife many times. He shoots the hero and the voice takes control over him, now finding another empty man. In the end the voice and form win, it's a parasite that found a new host. The last line of the book is "I need to pay the driver", the hero at his last moment is worried about being embarrassed, commiting a social faux pas.

The theme of the voice and form is wonderfully realized here, at first I thought the setting being war torn Warsaw was just to cash in on Polish people's obsession with world war two and romanticizing it, but the setting does well to show what kind of man our hero is; with the added benefit of being the most hopeless place I could think of, it also plays into the theme of form.

I could analyze this more but everything above probably makes no sense, so here's some extra thoughts:

The strong woman in question, Dzidzia (weird and probably significant name choice) is the most interesting character in the story, mostly defined by her role and the horrible end she will eventually meet.

The hero during his youth before the war outs two guys who bullied him at school. They were gay, and they were having sex at the school in the Janitor's closet. He ruined their lives and I was so blinded by the shock I didn't even attempt to analyze what the fuck was going on there, what purpose did it serve. Maybe the writer is homophobic, who knows, I don't. But I'm not willing to assume, we're past the point of that .

If you read it thanks, and sorry, because I didn't even go back to re read all the shit I wrote.

#literature #rant #ramble

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comehomeducklings · 3 years

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Present [Part 4] (Obsession)

Tom Riddle's Moodboard

Main Character's Moodboard

~////////////////𓆙////////////////~

1943 ~ 6th year

“What would be the purpose of a wizard or witch to prepare a Polyjuice potion?” Slughorn asks. “Yes, Mr. Riddle?”

Tom drops his hand from the air, “The potion grants the drinker to take the form of another.”

“Yes! And what would happen if said drinker tried to transform into an animal?”

I know this one so I lift my hand.

“Go ahead.”

I clear my throat, “When the human drinker tries to transform into an animal they would not take its complete form. Only sections of said animal.”

Slughorn nods his head, “Can they reverse after a bit of time like normally?”

“No,” I answered. “It takes an extremely long time to wear off, and you might even have to go to the hospital wing.”

He grins and continues to write on the chalkboard. Even though he can enchant the writer's tool to note down itself, I’m guessing he prefers the old-fashioned way.

Tom and I are even on points. When he answers correctly, I also do right after him. I can see him noting down both our points on the corner of his parchment. The black tally marks standing out. Our points are on my paper as well, just in case he decides to cheat. No chances are being taken today, or tomorrow.

“How long does the potion wear off if made correctly?”

Riddle and I both shoot our hands up. His demeanor is calm and collected while I'm sitting on my feet to have my arm raised higher than his. It’s not very fair that his arms are the length of mine to the third power.

“Mr. Nott, what do you know?”

“A single dose could last from 10 minutes to 12 hours.”

Another question wasted by not getting called on. I don’t mind that much since it doesn't keep me behind. Riddle seems to care a little bit too much. His competitive side is showing and I guess his pal is ruining the race.

Professor stole our textbooks for this pop quiz. The rapid-fire questions should “already be memorized and known,” down to the molecular detail. My knowledge only goes so far.

I trust myself, to a point. There’s definitely going to be a question I get wrong and I’m already dreading it. Every answer that falls out of my mouth is examined and thought over ten times before the action of answering arises.

“For something a little different, Mr. Riddle come to the front of the classroom and write four ingredients that are needed for the potion.”

He stands up and pushes his chair in. His eyes as cold as The Black Lake. While he makes his way toward the board I cross my fingers, hoping he forgets one. I know that’s not the kindest, but nothing with him is necessarily “kind.”

There he goes, writing all four ingredients with ease. His handwriting is beautiful. How does he honestly do that? Does he practice every single day to get it that precise?

Maybe I should practice to improve as well. Honestly embarrassing how bad my handwriting seems next to his. We compared essays once, never again. That was the most embarrassing moment of my life. He just laughed at me and kept pointing out how weird my f’s looked.

I swear my letters weren’t that bad. It’s just that he overachieves everything. Now I rewrite every “f” letter that appears on my homework. Thank you for the new insecurity, Riddle.

“Very good! Very good, your turn,” he points towards me. “Three more ingredients this time.”

While I stand in front of the board, I check out what he has already put down. Lacewig flies, leeches, okay not bad. Knotgrass and the hair of the person the drinker will transform into.

He numbered them so I continued on from that.

5) Boomslang skin

6) Fluxweed

Last one, let's see. We already put Lacewig flies, Knotgrass, hair, the skin, and Fluxweed. I hesitate for a little bit, my brain working at high speed. Anxiety levels are higher than Mount Everest.

7) Powdered Bicorn Horn

There we go, I smile to myself proudly. When I turn back around my eyes meet his. He smirks and nods while he writes down a point for both of us. I’m not sure that it counts for four points, just one.

The questions go on for quite a bit. Our tally marks are piling higher and higher. Each of our count's neck and neck for the top spot.

“What is the brewing time?”

“About a month.”

“How does the potion look before the addition of the final ingredient?”

“Thick like the mud after it pours.”

“It also is bubbling.”

“How does it look after adding the final ingredient?”

“Depends on who the witch or wizard made the potion to look like.”

“Varies in taste and color.”

He seems to be done with questions so Tom and I start counting the marks. On my paper, I seem to be .5 points ahead of him. I quickly look his way to see him come to the same conclusion. He takes a deep breath and casts his eyes to the side. Tom then tilts his quill my way signaling that I did indeed win.

I’m about to squeal quite highly but then I recollect I’m in a classroom. Full of people who are terrified to be anywhere in this castle. That would be quite inappropriate of me so I keep my excitement to myself.

Professor Slughorn wipes the whole board away. Clearing all the information we were learning and reviewing about.

“When I pair you up, each of you will grab the right ingredients for this potion and lay it near the front of your desk,” he says. “It should be laid in the order you would normally use when making the concoction.”

“First up, Miss Horn and Miss Yellowbo.”

The classroom starts to move with life as students pair with one another. Some cheerful noises and annoyed ones from who they ended up with. Most of us here know each other. I don’t think I would mind having anyone in this room as my partner.

“Mr. Riddle and-”

Of course, it’s me. Starting to think the pairings’ on purpose. His face shines too brightly for it not to be well planned out. I make my way to the shelves to start out picking the ingredients.

There’s always a moment where my mind decides to give up on me. Most of the elements are obtained. A few are missing.

I’m going over the variety of bottles containing different substances when I feel a looming pressure on my back. An arm slightly grazes past my ear and picks up Fluxweed.

“How do you manage to forget the very ingredient you wrote down on the board?” Toms whispers right by my ear.

I shift my eyesight to the side to see him already looking at me, “Sorry, I blanked out a little.”

He starts seizing half of the ingredients into his hold. I don’t really mind carrying a couple, but I’m just left with one bottle after he takes most of my possessions.

“Taking all the credit now I see,” I tilt my head as I raise my chin to meet his tall build.

“You were about to spill everything. I’m saving you from embarrassment,” he responds cockily.

I started to argue but he already made his way back to the desk, “Everything was perfectly stable in my arms.”

He continues to ignore me and sets down everything. Including the one bottled ingredient in my hand that he snatched just a few moments ago.

“Nothing is ever perfectly stable with you.”

I’m about to whisper a word no children should hear before Slughorn makes his way to our table. Saving Riddle from my rising annoyance.

“Wonderful! You too got all of them perfectly,” he starts. “I would expect no less from my star students.”

All I do is smile brightly in respect. Trying not to drive any more attention to the outburst of pride he has for us.

“Thank you, professor,” Tom says. He starts picking the ingredients off of the table, still barely letting me take any.

Riddle just walks off while our proffesor continues around the room. When he comes back I just about finish wiping the desk of any accidental spills.

“I won our little game this time,” I nudged his shoulder with my own.

Tom slightly rolls his eyes with a small smile, “I see that you have. Just this one though.”

“And many more to come,” I exclaim.

Our attention seeks back to our teacher, “You’ll all be writing an essay about an imaginary way this potion could go wrong. I expect it to be turned in before class tomorrow.”

I hurry to get my textbook off of my area and head towards the back of the classroom near the doorway.

“Everyone split into two groups. This half will go with Riddle while the other is with me.”

I turn my head once more to look at Tom, he’s reassuring one of the students that they are going to be okay.

I only look for a couple of seconds before leading my half of the group out first. A few stops along the way to make sure perfects are keeping order. Most of my group of students have been dropped off. A couple still lures behind me, I picked them up as I worked my way through the castle halls.

They were also dropped off and now I scatter along the hallway to make sure everyone is where they are supposed to be. Like every other period, the routine stays the same mostly.

My robes have a few wet spots on them still from the tears of younger students attending this school. I fully believe it won’t be too long until the headmaster and the ministry deal with whoever is making our lives miserable here. The murders will surely not go unjustly.

As I am turning a new hallway I happen to meet up with Riddle.

“All good?”

“Of course,” he responds. “Nothing out of the ordinary.”

He seems to look around quite a bit. Like he’s searching for something.

“Head back to your class, I will look around once more.”

That’s the last thing he says before moving around me with his hand on my shoulder. Quickly slipping past me.

~////////////////𓆙////////////////~

“No, no no,” I whisper to myself as I crumple yet another paper in my hand. I throw it on the ground next to me and huff out a breath.

Writing this bloody essay is taking more time than I predicted. It usually comes naturally to me but I can’t seem to write correctly. Every time I make a mistake I have to start over again. My handwriting failing to write neatly for once.

My whole structure and information is already figured out. Writing is what’s taking me the longest. No matter how hard I try, the letters never seem to come out correctly from my quill.

Especially the f’s.

Infuriating really. I only have an hour left until the library closes. It already technically shut down but the librarian gave me an extra three hours as long as I lock up.

Perks of being Head Girl I suppose.

My head is in my hands as I compose myself. It’s late and I’m tired, it’s not even safe to be out at this time. At least if I happen to die I wouldn’t have to write this essay.

“How long have you been trying at this-” a low voice asks behind me.

I jump in my seat, “Oh it’s just you. Well, it’s been-”

“And failing?” Tom finishes as he takes the seat next to me. The chair turned slightly to me.

I roll my eyes and fall further back into my seat. My head turned upwards, admiring the flying books in the ceiling. Finding their place, their way home.

“Probably an hour and a half,” I sigh. “You’re completely right about how bad my calligraphy is.”

He just nods his head and takes a fresh new sheet from the middle of the table. His quill magically appears from inside his robe. All the papers that have the plans for my essay start to float around his head and workspace. Occasionally glancing up at them from time to time and then going back to writing.

His lips are pursed in concentration, “I write my F’s like this. It’s easier that way and extremely easy to practice and write quickly.”

My head peers over his shoulder as I watch him effortlessly indite.

“You try,” he opens up my fingers that were closing my hand and places a quill in them.

I furrow my eyebrows and start to practice my letters on a separate piece of paper that I originally scrapped. I don’t want to waste paper and there’s no reason to get a fresh new one.

We both work quietly in the night until the last few minutes of opening time. Before I left the room I saw him quickly go far back into the library. I never got to ask him why he arrived here so late.

Never saw the need to.

~////////////////𓆙////////////////~ Taglist:

@empath-bunny

@jinxqsu

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its-chelisey-stuff · 3 years

Text

My 2020 in dramaland pt 2/4

Merry Christmas to all who celebrate it and happy holidays to everyone!! These are my favorite korean dramas of the year (I stand by these titles and I’m not ashamed of them lol). In chronological order:

My Holo Love: Say what? Who? First of all, I think this is a seriously underrated kdrama. I made a review on it here. Female lead had face blindness and Male Lead was a genius programmer. I know how this sounds but it all works for the plot, actually. Loved every moment of it (I watched it twice, and I rarely do that with dramas). A sort of sci-fi/fantasy romcom drama with a really unusual (and thus my favorite, EVER) love triangle and a nostalgic feel to it. While looking at my list of kdramas I knew I couldn’t treat Holo like all the others LOL it was special for me and still is.

OTP: They had sizzling chemistry! I honestly bought every cliche because of it. Including love at first sight.

Thing I enjoyed the most: The story was simple and had a lot of cliches but they kinda worked to the story’s advantage. This show is an example of why I fell for kdramas almost 10 years ago. Plus, the CGI wasn’t bad. It’s ony 12 eps and they don’t really last an hour. A one day watch.

Do I recommend it? I LOVED it, but I recognize it’s not for everyone, but if you’re looking for something fun, cute and light to binge-watch that still has some drama and a lot of romance and a happy ending, this is for you.

Find me in Your Memory: Beautiful. Awesome chemistry. Very romantic. She’s an actress, he’s an anchorman. She forgets a lot of things, he literally can remember most things REALLY WELL. She falls for him first, he tries to put distance because of his terrible past in his dating life lol but she wins him over and by the end, he loves her more than anything and anyone. They overcome a lot of crazy shit, and being together it’s hard, but it’s worse being apart. I made a review.

OTP: Loved them both individually and together. And honestly, THAT chemistry was perfect.

Thing I enjoyed the most: The chemistry and the acting by the leads. I became a fan of both because of this.

Do I recommend it? You really haven’t seen it? Please do it. Hahahaha Well, do it if you want to see a good melo knowing what that involves (romance, sadness, lots of tears, some frustration, etc). A really sweet and happy ending that was very well deserved. My favorite melo of the year Sorry Brahms!.Also, fair warning, it has a stalkers’ sub-plot.

The King: Eternal Monarch: You all know what this is about. And I said everything I wanted in my posts (I was mostly fangirling like crazy). Here’s my last one about it. I loved the acting and the story a lot. But I think the drama should have been longer. Also, I loved the energy of the actors behind the scenes, idk why, but it always warms my heart to see the actors get along on set. Sure, it could be a publicity stunt, but I just don’t think it was the case with this one. And I know not a lot of people liked the two lead characters and said they had no chemistry but imo they were great characters and the actors had LOTS of chemistry. It’s just that it wasn’t very well translated in the first eps, but it was fixed. This, I believe, was a more of a direction problem, rather than a script or acting one.

BTW if the drama was already about time travel and parallel worlds, I had NO problem believing in destiny and that the leads were meant to be. It was fantasy, you guys, not rocket science.

OTP: the main couple loved each other passionately and fiercely. He waited 20+ years to meet her and another 20+ years (practically) to see her again AND she was willing to risk getting stuck in a timeless void just to be by his side because otherwise he would be all alone. Now, that’s love! Personally, I loved their ending.

Thing I enjoyed the most: The King ahahaha I’m a shameless fan, what can I do? He was a good man and a gentleman but a ruthless king thirsty for justice and vengeance. I cheered when he killed his uncle lmao. Also, all the mutuals I “met” thanks to this drama. You guys made the experience even better with your posts and your theories!! *sends hugs*

Do I recommend it? Look the story is great in my eyes. I did understand it and the mechanics of the time travel and the parallel worlds. The King explained everything quite a few times. I say this because most people that didn’t like it say they couldn’t understand the story and/or it made no sense. To me, it did. But I can see why this wouldn’t be for all. That being said, I shamelessly recommend it lol.

More than Friends: The faces they’re doing in the poster, are the ones I did while watching the last 4 eps of this drama HAHAHA which made me real sad/angry because I LOVED the story from ep 1 to 12. So, this is on the list MERELY BECAUSE OF LEE SOO, the male lead, played by Ong SeongWu. I went crazy and wrote about almost every scene on the drama lol I was obsessed. You can read my review about the whole thing here.

OTP: Wonderful chemistry. The best either of the actors have had so far with any of their co-stars. Then again, SeongWu has only been in 2 dramas and 1 movie. And Shin YeEun hasn’t been in a lot but had really good chemistry with Park JinYoung in He’s Pyschometric. (btw that drama is superior, I highly recommend it!)

Thing I enjoyed the most: The magnificent character development that Lee Soo went through. He was a completely different person in ep 16 compared to the selfish jerk in eps 1-4 (SeongWu’s acting in this convinced me he is one of the best actors of his age, and one of the best idols turned actors at the moment). And I loved discussing this drama with the only other 10 people who were watching it hahaha Thanks y’all.

Do I recommend it? They advertised it as a romcom, but it really isn’t. It’s more of a slice of life/melo drama. I believe this is better as a binge-watch, but do not expect mindblowing plot, since it’s a character driven drama. So, do check out my review about it and have a go at it, I guess hahaha If not, you could see my posts about the show here and still know everything, because I pretty much covered the entire drama HAHAHA.

Note: I kinda think this drama is sort of a “500 days of Summer” situation, people either sympathize with ML or FL and hate the other. Or both HAHAHA It’s all about perspective, I guess.

Tale of the Nine Tailed: Everything you could ask for in a fantasy drama. For me, it was perfect and it made me cry like a baby. I made a review on the finale. I actually liked that he got his powers back at the end. Also, the main couple was the most functional couple I saw this year in kdramas. Which is crazy if you take into acount that he wasn’t human and both had a lot of pain and traumas from their pasts. Which shows that communication and trust is key to every relationship.

OTP: THEY LOVED EACH OTHER SO MUCH! AND WERE BOTH HOT. SO HOT FOR EACH OTHER. I kinda ship the actors now lol

Thing I enjoyed the most: Jiah, Yeon and Rang. The romance and the relationship between Rang and Yeon, which is what actually made me cry in the end. But we all knew it was coming.

Do I recommend it? Hell Yeah. Might not be for everyone, but if you like fantasy and romance, one heavily connected with the other, and the reincarnated lovers trope which I adore! then this is your drama.

Honorable Mentions:

You know, they almost made it. But something held me back. Still, it didn’t feel right to put them with the other dramas. So they got an honorable mention with my favorite ones.

Itaewon Class: This was, in general, a tragedy. But I loved it. Ooops. Dude was only stopping a classmate from bullying another and got his whole life ruined: got expelled, his dad was killed, he went to jail and had to start from the bottom and reached the top all thanks to one special and unique young girl. My eyes were full of tears when he finally got his happiness at the end and justice for his dad. Plus, it deals with a few topics that are still taboo in Korea. And the whole world tbh

OTP: SLOW BURN. Super slow lol For a moment there, I thought they weren’t going to be endgame, but they were and I WAS THE HAPPIEST.

Thing I enjoyed the most: Park Saeroyi and Yiseo. And the acting from the whole cast, actually. They did a really good job.

Do I recommend it? Yes. My brother hadn’t seen a kdrama in years and he saw this one. He enjoyed it greatly. I don’t know why I say this as if my brother were some kind of point of reference or expert in kdramas, but y’all need to trust me when I say this is impressive hahaha.

Into the Ring: This woman only wanted a job that could give her stability and a good pay check because her family was in huge debt. She ended up becoming a district representative that learned the real hard way a good person cannot live peacefully among politicians. She got the hell out of there in the end, thank God. Sera was a great heroine that really deserves to be called that. Loved her so much.

OTP: A super cute one that defied gender stereotypes in a delightful way. He was HER secretary at one point!

Thing I enjoyed the most: Listen, everything. It was really well done. I binged it in 2 weekends. I regret not doing a final review about it, but I just couldn’t find the time and if I do one now, it’s not gonna make the drama justice because I’m sure I’ll miss details. I did make 2 big posts about the sismance and romance.

Do I recommend it? YEP. Go see it now lol

Do you like Brahms?: Most people complained about the leads being way too depressed and miserable in the last third of the drama. I didn’t mind that, because you see, it’s what you’d expect from a melodrama lol What did leave this drama out of my favorites is the reason why they were so miserable in the first place and the 2 never actually had a long and meaningful conversation about their problems as individuals and about their relationship and it was SO needed. It was literally their thing at the start of the drama: the way they could be open with each other and communicate so damn well. But that was nowhere to be seen in the end. Still, they had a happy ending and after all that suffering, I appreciated that. I made posts about each ep. Here is the post about the last one.

OTP: Two introverts that kissed on a music room for the first time AND made out on a piano. ON THE PIANO, Y’ALL!! *fans self*

Thing I enjoyed the most: The leads. The only TWO decent people (and friends), everyone else was an awful person. Oh, and the team leader. Such a great lady!

Do I recommend it? OMG Yes? It’s hard to say it but I try to judge the drama overall and how in love I was for the most part rather than how much it frustrated me in the last few eps. If you want to watch a melo with classical music that instead of healing makes you sadder, a love hexagon that makes you want to kill secondary characters and an OTP that gets their HEA despite all that, this is your drama.

Live On: This is a last minute addition, but given the fact that it will air the last ep on the first week of 2021, it kinda technically counts as this year’s. And I do love it. A mini drama about high schoolers. Here’s my post about the first ep and about the most recent one (with spoilers) It’s just a really well done, romantic, cute and fun with touch of mystery, coming of age story.

OTP: The most popular girl in high school and the smart president of the broadcasting club. Started as strangers, then went on to disliking each other, became friends and then liked each other. Also, ML is quite straightforward and flirtily honest lol

Thing I enjoyed the most: How short it is and the pace of the story. The main couple and the way the mystery was written, not a lot so it’d make the whole drama just about that, but enough to make an interesting backstory that sets FL on her journey and in the process, brings the six main characters together.TW: the whole mystery revolves around bullying.

Do I recommend it? If you like high school romances, YES. It’s only 8 eps long! You can binge it on a saturday or a sunday and I assure you it won’t be a waste of time. Kinda wish I could erase it all from my mind so that I could experience the whole story right away. I envy those who can binge it.

#kdrama #the king: eternal monarch #my holo love #find me in your memory #more than friends #tale of the nine tailed #kdrama review #itaewon class #do you like brahms?#into the ring #live on #tkem #fmiym #end of the year drama review

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starr-fall-knight-rise · 4 years

Text

Humans are Space Orcs, “Premier.”

Since so many of you have been asking about the movie, I wrote something for you this morning. I wrote it in two hours and have to get it out before class starts, so give me a little slack here.

“Stop fidgeting will you.”

“Sorry! I’m just nervous….. Do I look stupid.”

“You always look stupid, that’s not going to change anytime soon.”

“Ha ha, Hilarious, Just answer the question.”

“You look fine stop worrying.”

Adam turned to face the mirror tugging at the sleeves of his dress shirt, fidgeting obsessively with his tie, and the open front of his jacket. Conn floated over his shoulder grinning somewhat malevolently at him.

Krill slapped his hand as he tried to reach for the tie again, “Stop messing with it. Look what you did now. We will have to do it all over again.”

The little doctor angrily undid the tie and began to redo it.

Adam sighed, “Thanks mother.”

“Don’t give me your sass.” he finished tying the knot stepping back so Adam had room to button the vest back up before turning around to face the mirror. Conn had sidled over to the side of the room still leering at him as he was prone to do.

He tried to ignore him and eyed himself feeling more than a little strange in such formal attire, a three piece suit minus an eye patch, and plus a shiny pair of dress shoes he could have seen his reflection in. He reached up to grab his tie again, but his hand was slapped away.

“What did I say!”

“Sorry, Sorry.” he grumbled pulling back to message his hand .

There was a hiss as the door at the far end of the room popped open, and Sunny stepped inside trailed by waffles, “Look.” Sunny began, pointing proudly towards the dog, who trotted into the room to sit politely before Adam looking up at him with her big brown eyes head tilted slightly to the side.

He laughed, “Is that a bow tie?”

Sunny Hummed to herself, pleased, “Why yes, yes it is. She's adorable and you’re welcome.”

He reached down to rub the dog’s ears before looking up, “You look nice.”

“I know.” Sunny announced striking a rather, heroic pose, which, all jesting aside, actually completed the look: bright silver armor, a horned helmet, all pulled together by the electric blue silk cape that hung at one shoulder.

“Wish I could wear a cape.” He frowned crossing his arms in mild dejection.

“Why not?”

“What do you mean why not?”

“This is the movie industry, Adam, they wear outlandish stuff onto the red carpet all the time.”

He seemed rather miffed at the observation, mostly from the fact he hadn’t thought of that before, “Well now it’s a little too late, don’t you think?”

“Sucks to suck, you look good though.”

He sighed and turned back towards the mirror adjusting himself, “I look like a poser.”

“Stop worrying so much, and stop fidgeting. The fidgeting is what makes you look like a poser. Relax and own it, you know for someone who spends a lot of his time unwaveringly confident to the point that I worry about your health, you can be very insecure sometimes.”

“Thank you so much! for that boost of confidence, Sunny.”

His sarcasm wasn’t lost on her, though she chose, rather obviously to ignore it.

“There is one thing I think you should do.”

“Oh, and what is that.”

“Put the eyepatch back on. Be you, just the fancier version. I have a theory that the reason people aren't comfortable is because they aren't being themselves.”

He raised an eyebrow at her then shrugged, “If you say so, I guess.”

He could hear Conn snort internally, “That is horrible advice for most people, since the vast majority of them are miserable hacks.”

He ignored the starborne, again.

There was a sudden knock at the door, and they all turned to see another man dressed in a fine black suit, “Mr. Ellis has just arrived, and is his car is waiting for you outside.”

Adam took a deep breath glancing down at the eye patch one more time before slipping it on, “Alright, ready everyone?”

They chorused their readiness, and he squirmed with nervous energy.

How were they all being so calm?

Together they made their way out the door and down the hallway to the large, black limousine waiting for them just outside the door. The man from earlier was waiting for them, pulling the door open and motioning them inwards.

Conn floated in first, Krill climbing in second, followed by Adam and then Sunny.

Director Clayton Ellis sat just inside the door grinning widely.

Adam had to blink a few times to determine which part of the man was which. There was just so much of him ... everywhere . He wore a white… something absolutely crusted with sequins and jewels including the frames of his glasses. As far as Adam could tell he could have been wearing a dress, or a suit with some strange alteration, though it was difficult to see sitting here in the car.

The ribbons that flowed down from his back and hips sort of reminded him of Conn.

“Adam! So good, so good to see you. I am so glad you could make it for the premier. I think you're going to love it, absolutely visually stunning, heart rending at times, and just the right amount of action. Best piece I think I have ever directed, and all thanks to you, the man of the hour. And don’t you look sharp, absolutely working for me very old fashioned very provincial late 1990s early 2000s maybe.”

Adam rubbed the back of his neck, blushing, “Er, thanks…. You look good…. Too.”

“Well thank you! Designed it myself, well with the help of some famous friends.” He motioned towards Conn, “Took the concept idea from your starborn there, very ethereal, very flowey, though doesn’t look so elegant when sitting in a car.”

Adam just continued to nod along adding an mmhmm or a yes, or and of course whenever he thought it was necessary. Luckily Mr. Ellis provided most of the conversation, so he didn’t have to open his mouth too much.

He noticed almost immediately when the car slowed down glancing out the window and finding…. An absolute mob of people. His stomach lurched and churned as cameras flashed, some held in hands, others as little ball drones hovering over the crowd. He craned his neck to see ahead of them, watching as a line of fancy dark cars slowly scooted up the line.

His stomach was churning.

From where he sat, he watched as Keith Jenning, the actor who had played him, stepped from the car. The lashing grew in intensity, outside the window he could hear a muffled roar.

Mr Ellis Grinned, “Me, you, and then your extraterrestrial friends, eh? Give them something to talk about.

The next car ahead of them stopped, and Rita. Ortiz, and Adler Handen, krill’s voice actor, stepped from the car. Rita was dressed in a tight black suit, not dissimilar to his own, silver watch shining on her left wrist.

And there it was.

He suddenly needed to pee.

Their car lurched forward as the cameras flashed and stopped. Clayton Elllis got ready, and then the door was opened releasing a wave of sound that absolutely deafened him. Clayton stepped from the car trails of ribbons billowing behind him, hands raised to the crowd. Lights flashed pictures snapped.

Adam was ushered out next, Stepping from the car, foot planted straight on the red carpet. Lights dazzled his eyes, and in a daze he stepped forward to follow Clayton, who was making the most of his moment.

“WE LOVE YOU COMMANDER!”

He turned his head to the side suddenly blinded by another flash of light, as one of those camera drones zipped past him.

He blinked the light from his eyes just in time to see a group of women leaning out over barricade waving their hands and screaming furiously.

At that moment he wondered which was redder, his face or the carpet.

He gave a rather awkward wave towards the girls who absolute erupted into screaming and jumping.

Then the crowd silenced a moment later, the lights stopping.

And he turned to see Sunny step foot after him, light glittering and sparkling form her armor and carapace. She held her regal armored head high.

IThe moment of silence continued for a second, and then it was as if the world around them was alight with stars, a flashing roaring thunder, which only grew louder with Krill and finally with Conn, who flouted outwards completely stealing the spotlight with his ethereal presence. Together they slowly walked forward stopped on occasion to get group pictures

In their turn, each of them was kidnapped by Ellis and forced to pose for a thousand pictures.

He just grinned dazed and confused star struck as he looked around him.

He even thought he could hear his name being called from the crowd, though that was uncertain.

TV reporters stood at the end of the red carpet speaking frantically into their cameras and waylaying celebrities as they walked by.

“Keith Jenning, tell us about what it was like to make this movie.”

The man flashed a charming smile, “Well, at first I was a little unsure. I mean I had never done anything based on a real life story before, and emulating another person was hard. I worked with posture coaches, and accent experts for weeks. A mid Americana accent is surprisingly subtle, but very hard if you want to get it right. Over all, I actually ended up really enjoying shooting the movie despite my doubts at first.”

“Rita, was it hard to perform in stilts and motion capture, we heard you almost broke your legs.”

She laughed, “It was hard yeah sure, but it was so, very fun. You know what you act normally, you do your best to act as convincingly human as possible, but when playing an alien, the rules change, go out the window. I had so much fun learning about Drev culture, and the way they think about war. It was a fascinating and eye opening experience. I loved it, and I encourage everyone to get to know a little more about our interstellar neighbors.”

Lights flashed, more cameras snapped.

“Did you find it hard to connect with the character?” Someone asked Adler Handen.

“Not in the slightest, it was actually a very excellent way to get out there and stretch my proverbial wings. It’s always good to get out of your head on occasion.

Sunny was grabbed and pulled to stand in a picture with Rita, who seemed more than pleased to be spending time with Sunny.

It was the same for Krill, and finally Adam who was dragged forward to get a picture with Keith.

Off to the side Clayton Ellis was excitedly rambling on, “Oh I absolutely love the movie, couldn’t be happier. I really think we did the source material justice, and honestly I think it really puts perspective on the Drev war, and the people involved. You know with all the negativity going around about the LFIL, there are a lot of people who are scared of aliens, Xenophobic in nature, and I think this really puts into persepctive just how similar we all are. They are intelligent sentient lifeforms not so dissimilar to us at all, and I think this movie, this real life story really demonstrates how we can all get past those differences.”

Adam was quite pleased to hear the relative positivity that was coming off the actors and the director, even if it was fake.

That was before the camera crews descended like vultures around him, and he was surrounded by a wave of cameras.

“Commander, Commander Vir! Tell us how you feel about all this.”

He hemmed and hawed for a moment stuttering over himself before taking a deep breath, “Look I’m A kid from mid Mericanda, I honestly ended up here mostly by accident, and I’m pretty sure this is some kind of insane dream.”

“What did you think of the movie.”

“Well, I haven't actually seen it yet, I was deployed when they did the beta testing, but I’ve gotten to know Director Ellis a little, and he was very open to my suggestions and the story, so I feel confident he did his best to do it justice.”

“We hear that you won’t be taking any of the royalties.”

“Well no, not entirely. Maybe a little for my family, but most of it is going to a charity for Drev war survivors, especially operation Steel eye. A lot of those people had it rough after the war, and I want to make sure they get something back.”

Across the red carpet, Sunny had been stopped, “Do you worry that depictions of the war will put your society in a bad light.”

Sunny tilted her head, “Why would it. The Drev are warlike, and we always have been. The only difference is that we practice and view war differently than humans. War has never come close to destroying our planet. To die in war is an honor and a victory, so we do not hold grudges against each other or assume it to be a tragedy. War on our planet's mean two different things.”

“Dr Krill, is it true that you were the first alien surgeon to perform on a human trauma paitent.

“That is actually true, yes, even during the Drev war, it turns out 98% of attending physicians were human because humans tended to be the highest rate of survivors from injury. Humans being slightly more durable than the rest of us.”

In the center of the red carpet, Conn had taken up a large space given a certain amount of personal room by the awed crowd, “Is it true that you’re a telepath.”

The starborn raised his hands signing, voice dictation taking over as he did so, “Think of something, try it.”

“Oh, Ok.”

“Big purple muffin.”

“You could have just made that up.”

“But he didn’t, that’s exactly what I was thinking.”

“Don’t be nervous. I promise not to spill any of you deep dark secrets.” Conn laughed like the psycho he was.”

After more pictures, more questions and a hundred more handshakes, they were then ushered into the building, and sat down on comfortable seats facing the screen.

Adam breathed a heavy sigh of relief and leaned his head back.

Director Ellis grinned at him.

Light overhead went dark and speaking turned to distant quiet muttering.

The screen was dark for a long moment before.

“Mom?” A child’s voice

“Yes Adam?” A womans

“I know they’re out there .”

The woman laughed, “Who is out there.”

“Aliens of course.”

“Oh?”

“I’m gonna prove it one day.”

You could hear the smile in the woman’s voice, “I know you will.”

And then the room began to shake with the thrilling roar of the F-80 Darkfire engine.

He would have known that sound anywhere.

It sounded like home.

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soft1hours · 4 years

Text

Outsiders headcannons!

______________________________♡______________________________

Sooo, you guessed it. I'm obsessed with the outsiders now! Credits to the owner of the beautiful gif !!

Welcome to what I think outsiders x greaser!reader would consist of, since there isn't enough greaser!reader on here.

Characters: Ponyboy, Dallas, Johnny, Darry, Sodapop, Steve, Two-bit, Y/N

Warnings: two curse words? think i also mention blood like one time :)

Also, I'm very sorry for any misspelling or wrongfully used words, wrote this in a rush :)

______________________________♡______________________________

So you were a greaser, obviosly, and you so happened to be living next to Two-bit, your best friend since diapers

you guys are inseperable nowadays and always do stupid stuff together

so you go to school, but he doesn’t and you always lecture him

him calling you Miss Teacher just to piss you off

you calling him Keith when he does

running away while saying it because he. will. tackle. you.

eventually started getting you into shoplifting

aka “Y/N hold this, will ya?” “nOw RuN!!”

being chased by police/security/store managers/cashiers/you name it, on a daily basis with him

later on Two-bit would start bringing some of his friends to your hang-out sessions, and at first you weren’t impressed, only wanting to hang out with Two-bit since he always had to act up with the boys around

eventually you eased up to them one by one

talking to Sodapop about the others when he showed up at the store first or coming to Ponyboy with homework after school

Dallas was probably the hardest to ease up to since hes kind of an asshole towards girls he don’t really know

but after punching a soc in the face for yelling “greaser!” your way in the streets you sensed he took you more seriously

not that he would ever admit it, but you sensed it

Steve always asking you about cars and what you thought of them

you could be walking the streets of Tulsa with the gang

and a decent looking car passes you by

whoosh Steve is beside you asking you if you saw it and if you thought it was tuff

sometimes he’d even let you help him fix them

tho most of the time you’d just sit and watch him work since you had a speciality in screwing it up

Johnny accepted you rather quickly, but didn’t let you in ‘till you caught him crying in the lot one night when you where on your way home from the Curtis house my baby:(

you stayed up and had to force him to stay and talk, you who’d had enough of him only glancing your way when with the boys

after that night Johnny always tried to talk to you about his feelings,

you, him and Ponyboy being the most emotionally connected in the gang

you cried the most when Two-bit, Steve and Dallas found him bloodied up by the socs

meeting Darry last when you got invited to the Curtis house for the first time, you two getting along while just watching the other boys play fight

Darry and Two-bit being protective of you when Dallas tried to get in your pants

also talking and getting drunk with Two-bit on weekends, but scolding him when he gets drunk on week days

calling him Keith when you argue or you get mad at him

he always listens to you over the boys

which can lead to bickering between them, but you step in and save the day, most times

learning roasts and comebacks from watching Dallas bicker with the gang and using them against him later

“Where’d you learn that, you bum?”

“You!” cue running away

Darry being a proud big brother of you and hugging him everytime you greet each other he is soft okay

having a hard time at school before meeting Ponyboy because you were a greaser and didn’t have that many friends before the gang

Pony making you sit with him in every shared class

Two-bit walking you to school, meeting and hanging out with Pony during school and sometimes being picked up by Steve after school

unless Ponyboy walks you home when steve is busy

also Ponyboy walking when you get a ride with Steve since they don’t really get along

you trying to get them to like each other

failing miserably

learning how to bake that damn chocolate cake that the boys love so much

making Soda cry the first time you succeed because you remind him of his mom

being accepted as who you are and play-fighting with them

“Y/N is gonna be so pissed, man”

“Wait ‘till Y/N hears this!”

laughing your asses of at 2 am because neither of you can sleep nor want to go separate ways

if anyone is having a hard time in the gang you feel kind of responsible to let them talk it out with you

the boys feeling the same towards you

being the only girl in the group and the boys’ girlfriends lowkey being jealous that your constantly around

being one badass greaser bitch

not taknig shit from any soc and knowing the gang will have your back in any fight

trying to understand Ponyboy when he talks about socs and greasers

still thinking of socs as douchebags

participating in rumbles after learning “self defence” from Darry and Dally

getting beaten up anyway

Dally blaming Darry and Darry blaming himself

calling Pony “horse child” and “farm boy” to piss him off

being their rock and best friend, them helping you out with everything they can, from hw to murder... jk

IN CONCLUSION THE GANG BEING THE BEST FAMILY EVER

i love them sm wtf

A/N: i didn’t include the deaths or the running away bc I’m still hurting and just want my babies to be happy. Sorry if the ending and beginnig sux I’m still a newbie ok ^_^

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supernatural-jackles · 3 years

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guess who back? me aka long feedback anon :D i missed you, how have you been? i had a rough couple of weeks, but i’m starting to feel better now. sadly i wasn’t able to catch up on the bet until recently, but luckily it meant i got to have a mini-binge session. so this review’s just going to be a jumbled mess of everything that happened from chapter 20 up until the recent update.

vegas was amazing and just the perfect vacation those two needed. they deserve to relax a bit and i’m glad their relationship got stronger. also we met danneel! i wasn’t expecting that but it was a pleasant surprise. sadly not all good things can last forever. chapter 22 was a ride. we met ruth and lil’ alex! the small interaction between alex and jensen was so sweet 🥺🥰 mike needs some serious help cause his obsession is not healthy. i thought he was all bark, no bite, but now he’s just crazy, especially when he had a gun pointed to reader, and caused a crash just so jensen would die. talk about obsessive. and it made me so mad when he said everything was fine until reader showed up, as if he wasn’t the one trying to make her miserable. glad he’s out of jensen’s and reader’s life. i love reader and jensen, but if i’m being honest, baxter has to be my favorite character in the series. i love how he just has his own personality, and cats are just so cute!

the ending of chapter 23 had me on the edge of my seat. i was so scared for jensen, and the way you wrote the ending was heartbreaking (i loved it). last chapter we got some very sweet moments between reader and donna!! i love how close they’ve gotten. i will hate mike forever, but i’m glad reader got closure, and we finally have an answer as to why mike is so obsessed over making reader miserable. and jensen is ok! phew, i was worried. i can’t wait to see what mike has against jensen, and i hope reader and jensen are doing ok after the accident.

also i noticed some changes to the bet masterlist, Jen 👀 i see we’re getting some time stamps in the future, but i’m sad this series is coming to an end soon :(

lots of love 💕

- long feedback anon :)

Hi long feedback anon!

Sorry it took me so long to get back to you. It has been the week from hell and it's just the start of how it's going to be from now on unfortunately. I am very grateful and thankful for your kind, detail messages about what you enjoy about each part of this series. It means so much to me that you share them with me. It truly does keep me wanting to share more with you.

I am happy that you've enjoyed from their vacation onwards. They did deserve to have a moment of peace before shit hit the fan with Mike. We learned how truly messed up he is and saw just what lengths he was willing to go in order to ruin his sister's life.

Everyone is okay though, and things will move forward now that Jensen's awake. You'll find out in part 25 what Mike has on Jensen.

Yes, there are some changes to the masterlist. After the final part is posted, those ??? will be filled in. I'm sad this is coming to an end myself, but there will be timestamps, and little tidbits into their lives.

Love to you! Thank you for reading! 💜

#Jen loves long feedback anon #fic love #the bet #jen answers asks

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claudiasjeancregg · 3 years

Note

I hope this helps with the stress at least just a little bit <3 and I do understand wanting to write but not being able to, so if you want, write as much as you want with (specially 12!). So. Here we go! 14, 13, 12, 10, 1!

hey ariel thank you so much this literally made my entire day, i wrote a fucking essay so here goes.

1. favorite episode

EVIDENCE OF THINGS NOT SEEN, institutional memory, the supremes, drought conditions, holy night, the inauguration episodes, the midterms, noël... all of them. just. ALL OF THEM

10. something you wish had happened

oh my god SO MANY THINGS!!! cj/toby kissing in the 7.21 scene would have saved my entire soul, or really just a kiss at any point. i just wanted them to ADDRESS THE CHEMISTRY IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?? just confirmation that they dated at one point, or hooked up occasionally... god. ANYTHING! more canon specific, i really wanted a scene of donna in therapy or talking to josh about the ptsd / trauma she undoubtedly faced after gaza. when they F I N A L L Y got together, i wish they had more of a conversation about why she quit! because she HAD GOOD REASON to do it, and i wish had talked about how he had treated her after gaza. also, seeing how cj and toby had dealt with rosslyn, and more conversations about cj getting the COS role over josh and how he forgave her for that. just. MORE FOUND FAMILY CONTENT GODDAMNIT i could watch entire episodes of the senior staff + donna just hanging out, i love them to death. LAST ONE I PROMISE- CJ HAVING FEMALE FRIENDSHIPS. or friendships, period. god, i would have died for some amy + cj content swapping stories and making sarcastic jokes, cj helping amy to adapt to the white house after being in a different environment her whole career. CJ AND ANDY! i mean i ship the ot3 and cjandy to death, but even as friends! donna and cj!! the assistants all being friends! just. let these tired women have friends, that’s all i want.

12. headcanon(s)

yeah, i’ve... basically covered these BUT i always have more!!

first off- BISEXUAL CJ. bi cj!!!! it’s canon in my heart. this next one is less of a headcanon and more of a dream, but the ot3! cj/toby/andy is my favorite thing in the world and i love the three of them.

i think cj and josh were a lot closer than we see, and i have many feelings about them sort of being siblings.

also, hc that cj and toby ended up together after the show BECAUSE I NEED IT.

um, donna went to therapy! i feel like the show largely ignored the fact that she was the only one in the car who survived!! and so did josh, especially after he realized a part of the way he treated her after gaza was bc of his guilt about sending her there in the first place, and then donna almost dying.

okay let’s see... 50% of my brain is thinking of tww headcanons at any given moment so-

huck and molly grow up with auntie cj, who wishes she could be more of a parent but is so, so, so thankful for what she gets. i didn't really think cj wanted to get pregnant and have kids, especially with danny, but the show really threw that in there at the last moment lol. the reason for this is NOT “she’s too focused on her career,” trust me. i actually think cj’s mom died from breast cancer when she was pretty young, about 13. it’s heartbreaking, and miserable, and cj doesn’t smile for a month after. her dad was at a complete loss as to how to help her, since he was still dealing with it too. so for about half a year they co-existed in the same house, barely speaking. cj’s passion for politics and journalism eventually led her to come out of her shell more, about a year later, but she didn’t come back to the joyful person she used to be until college. she’s deathly afraid of passing the cancer gene onto her kids, which is why in my brain, the ot3 always had plans for kids but andy was going to get pregnant. (i talk about cj’s thoughts on actual canon andy’s pregnancy so much in my fic, so i should probably shut up now.) also i really think cj works herself to the bone after becoming COS, especially after toby leaves. he was the only thing keeping her from self-destructing, making her sleep and eat and remember to function. i can’t get over allison janney’s acting, the way you FEEL cj’s exhaustion. she has... no self- preservational instincts when it comes to doing her job as well as she can, and that really hurts her mental health, and like. SANITY. charlie and margaret know this and this duo practically running the white house might be my favorite thing about season 7. also HOW DID THIS TURN INTO ONLY CJ HEADCANONS i have so many other ones!)

QUEER ELLIE BARTLET how could i forget? my random desire for ellie/mallory has no canon basis but i’m obsessed with them. tbh, i’m obsessed with all f/f west wing ships.

josh definitely has anxiety, that’s kind of canon. donna helps him manage it but after she leaves, his panic attacks become a lot more frequent and he forgets to take care of himself. also, i think cj has anxiety too.

WAIT WAIT WAIT IS THIS A PLACE FOR ME TO TALK ABOUT DONNA AND TOBY?!! aleena has a soapbox and she can’t stop, i’m sorry. okay so donna and toby are my favorite unlikely tww friendship, and i’m going to limit this to a few sentences but i will talk about this whenever anyone gives me an opportunity to. BASICALLY donna is the only person who doesn’t take any of toby’s bullshit, (who isn’t in love with him) and he underestimates her at first, yeah, but he is one of the first people to realize donna’s potential. and they have some very good, very small moments where he really sees her strength and she sees that he’s more than the stubborn grump he pretends to be.

i have so many headcanons about josh and toby, and cj and toby, and josh and donna, and cj and donna, and TOBY AND DONNA. josh teasing toby about cj. toby making fun of donna for being in love with josh because he says she’s too good for him but he loves josh like a brother despite what he says. HE SHOWS HER BABY PICTURES AND SHE GUSHES OVER THEM i don't make the rules!!!! anyways that’s NOT all of my headcanons, i just don't want to make you guys read any more lmao. thank you so much for indulging me, i would be thrilled to talk about more of these or to hear more of your headcanons! (this goes for anyone btw) THAT WAS SO LONG AHH.

13. character you wish you could be / aspire to be

cj cregg

14. on-screen crush

yeah, i’m a simple bisexual. cj cregg.

THAT WAS INSANELY LONG BUT SO FUN FOR ME, THANK YOU!!!

#aleena answers #tww #tww headcanons #tww ideas #the west wing #ariel tag #aleena rambles

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warandpussy · 3 years

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omg PLS talk more abt ur 12dole!

sure! link

fyi I barely remember writing this, all i remember is that it's super weird i suppose the point is it's about being lonely. i love s10 for the way it slows down, gives the doctor a home base, a time to breathe. but i also love how, with that, he has to deal with the demons in his head scrabbling at the door; he can't ignore them any more. like. his wife just died. so this fic was like, i want to explore that loneliness and that grief.

to be clear, it's also about the doctor getting off with a decapitated robot head.

i'll put this under a cut

The Doctor stares into the mirror on the wall.

It isn’t – it’s not something he likes to do. It’s uncomfortable, he thinks, to observe the evidence of a long life carved into a face. To confront the evidence of age and time passing, old regrets scoring delicate lines over the brow, the cheeks, beneath the eyes. He considers his reflection and swallows the lump in his throat.

It’s with a trembling hand that he reaches out to his glass counterpart, feeling that even a touch of his skin will send it shattering to the ground at his feet, that a press of his fingers against something that isn’t even him, not really, could break him apart. You’re lonely, you’re lonely, his brain cackles at him, and it sounds like –

In the end, it’s just cold, smooth. Nothing.

He runs his finger over the image of his lips, lets himself slip into memory, lets himself remember being touched there. Allows himself the indulgence of it. A wicked grin; a puff of curly hair; ‘hello, sweetie.’

so we start here. you ever been so lonely you just touch your own face to imagine someone else doing it? yeah. i guess the doctor feels like someone who never really gets to process any of this a lot of the time, because one series will end with a tragedy, and then the next one will just pick up on the next adventure. but if your wife died, you got trapped in a university with a woman who hates (?) you and a bitchy robot, you'd probably have some issues.

i wanted to start it here, on his own, because that's the thing, really. he's alone. or he feels alone. and it's a bit dramatic and over the top because when you're miserable that's what you do. the world is falling apart. i'll be alone forever.

the next scene is him and Nardole, and it's like, a drastic shift in tone

“How’s the new head working out?”

“Oh.” Nardole reaches up a hand and pats at his ample cheek. “Quite well, actually, sir.” He strokes his neck a little, tracing a light finger underneath his collar where the seam in his skin is. “Much more efficient processing power.” He gives a little self-conscious cough. “I’ve been having new ideas every fifteen minutes or so.”

“Wonderful,” the Doctor tells him, picking up Rachael Simmerton’s essay on – faith and free will, apparently – and pretending to read the introduction. It’s not, of course. Heavens above, he doesn’t need Nardole having ideas. He’ll have to fix that in a later upgrade. “That’s – fab. Great to hear.”

none of the above is coming through. he's masking it, of course he is. the worst thing about being lonely is that you can't say you're lonely, otherwise people will know how lonely you are - and isn't that to most pitiable thing. no - best to.. uh.. snog a robot head, apparently.

i wish that was how it worked in real life

i really like this scene for the banter between him and Nardole. they're so awful together. I love them.

Nardole pushes himself up with his elbows and stomps over to the Doctor’s desk. He jabs a finger in his face. “Rude. That was rude.” The Doctor shrugs. “You’ve been in my room before, and it was fine.”

“There were pants on the floor.”

“I was in the shower!”

“Ugh.” The Doctor shudders again, deliberately meeting Nardole’s gaze as he does. “Don’t remind me.”

“It’s my room, I can leave my pants on the floor if I want to.”

“My spaceship,” the Doctor reminds him. “And I don’t make you pay rent.”

Nardole rolls his eyes. “Good thing, too, given you don’t pay me at all,” he says, and trundles irritably into the TARDIS.

So yeah, the Doctor gets Nardole to bring out one of his spare heads (it's a whole thing, there's a cupboard full of heads, they have some kind of shared memory drive, the old ones go a bit insane the longer they're detached from the body).

It’s a little disconcerting, having your cyborg assistant’s decapitated head on your desk, but at this point the Doctor has seen enough of Nardole’s body, given all the upgrades he’s had to do over the past seventy years, that it doesn’t faze him. He’ll end up seeing a lot more, most likely; they’ve still got over nine hundred years still to go. This doesn’t faze him either – certainly not as much as it would have done back when they’d first been stuck here, uncomfortable in their stillness, squabbling with each other just to pass the time.

The first time he’d had his hands in Nardole’s chest, sometime in the late nineties, tinkering with the artificial heart he’d had installed, Nardole had asked him why he even bothered.

“Can’t have my manservant dying on me, can I?” he’d muttered, irritated at the question.

“Oh, is that what I am?” Nardole had bitched.

Covering his face with his welder’s mask, the Doctor let out a snort. “If you shuffle off this mortal coil, Nardole, I’ll have to hire a new assistant. I can’t be bothered.”

“Let me be clear, you're giving me eternal life so that you don't have to hold job interviews?”

“Yes.”

Nardole had looked at him for a long time after that, uncharacteristically silent. When the Doctor was done, he’d grabbed his wrist and squeezed, before standing and making two cups of horrifically sweet tea. The Doctor had drunk the lot.

i was talking about this the other day with you. i guess i tend to think there's a real power in delay, in writing. when the real scene is going on, but then the characters trip into a memory. the Doctor's nervous about what he's going to do (and, in a doylist fashion, the reader doesn't KNOW what he's going to do) so by pausing the 'real' scene and tripping into this memory, we get to hold off on that reveal for a little longer

but we also get to explore the Nardole and Doctor dynamic. which is, here, one where they bitch and squabble with each other, but they still obviously deeply care for one another. #married.

Carefully, he probes behind the left ear for the on-switch, flipping it over with a slight press of his finger. It takes a moment, but the eyes flutter open and the mouth pulls itself up into a tiny smile. The smile drops off his face when he sees who’s holding him up.

“What do you want?” Nardole snipes.

he's such a bitch i'm obsessed with him

The Doctor sighs, and buries his face in his arms. “In the past, it was always – adventure, fun, heat-of-the-moment, explosions, running, kissing,” he mumbles. Nardole grunts at the acknowledgement of it. “Now,” the Doctor goes on, “now I just sit here.”

quarantine vibes.

no, but seriously, quarantine vibes. when i wrote this in february i was working the most gruelling, horrible job i've ever had in my life, and also i was in lockdown AGAIN and i couldn't fucking go anywhere or do anything fun. my whole life just became this awful job, that i did sat at my desk at home. i'd get off work, go lie in bed and cry, and then go back to work. now i just sit here indeed.

“Main Head said he was talking to you lot daily,” the Doctor says. He gives him a look.

Nardole puffs out his cheeks. “For a few minutes, sure. But it’s not like we get on.”

“You are exactly the same person,” the Doctor says, exasperated.

me @ me

(sorry this isn't going to just be all me laughing at my own jokes)

yeah. so they make out. there's like, negotiation on what Nardole (Spare Head One) is going to get out of this deal - he wants to go outside (mood) and he wants sweets and tea (bigger mood). he also doesn't want the Doctor to fall in love with him (uhhhh biggest mood??? i feel like if the Doctor falls in love with you you're doomed to a horrible ending).

“Guh,” Nardole says, and the Doctor pulls him off, lips tingling. Nardole’s face is red, which is interesting from a technical point of view – no blood, how does that work? – but the Doctor finds he doesn’t really care to think about it at the moment. He feels suffused with life; that empty cavity in his chest at least partially filled in, something present that had been missing.

The body is made to touch, after all.

for this i really need to insist on something. this is sci fi, nominally, but i DON'T CARE about the science. i really don't. why is Nardole's face red? how does he have spit? i don't care!!!!! i don't care about worldbuilding. i think, personally, for me, the "science" part of science fiction is just about finding a way to heighten a concept to reflect back something about the real world.

also i feel like it makes it more doctor who the less i give a shit about the science but that's by the by.

i guess this is like. THE scene. the scene of the fic. the point of it.

“I can’t believe you’re taking me with you to visit her,” Nardole says, scathing. They’re wandering through the grounds, as promised, the Doctor clinging onto the ears and holding out the head in front of him.

The Doctor snorts. “You’re not coming in with me.”

“What?”

He gestures at the sports bag he’s got slung over one shoulder. “I’ll chuck you in here.”

They walk past a clump of students who are chattering among themselves. They don’t even balk at him carrying an extremely lifelike head around with him. None of them have. Nardole had said it was because he was ‘super old’ and that young people don’t even notice he exists unless he’s looking frail and delicate next to a traffic light. The Doctor had frowned but hadn’t been able to dispute it.

Still, he makes Nardole hold his expression very still whenever they’re near other people. He’s got a whole story planned out in case he does get asked.

“Professor! Professor Doctor!” some enterprising young thing would say, jogging up. “What’s with the mannequin? It looks just like your assistant!”

“Ah,” the Doctor would say, stroking his chin like he had a goatee – he’d done that once in front of Missy and she’d told him he looked very refined, and offered tips for growing one – “you see, I’m planning a lecture series on death masks in Ancient Greek culture, so I’ve been experimenting with plaster casting.”

“Oh, how fascinating!” the student would say, fluttering their hands in front of their chest. “I’ll have to sign up!”

The Doctor would nod dismissively and stride away as if he had something important to go to. Nardole would almost certainly grumble about the Doctor saying he was dead, but he’d not have a leg to stand on – ha – because he was a robot and therefore had never even been alive. (Well – maybe he had… the Doctor didn’t really remember Nardole’s backstory – River had explained it once while they’d lain together in bed, but he’d zoned out, staring instead at the fine whorls of her ear).

Anyway, no one has asked yet, but he’s prepared if they do.

again - delay, so important here. the Doctor and Nardole (Spare Head One) are walking round and about the grounds on one of Nardole's requested walks. the Doctor is Not Doing Great, but he's trying to fake it. he gets triggered into a memory where Nardole calls him "super old", and then, almost as a defence to that, imagines a world where the students (who are ignoring him) all come fluttering up to him and admiring him in that way that he likes.

that's not happening.

It’s one of those cold spring mornings where the sun casts its light over the world in a glittering array, bouncing off dewdrops, shattering through windows. The air is sharp and bright, bracing the breath, probing his lungs with its chilled fingers. Everything teetering on the verge of too much. Too bright, too cold, cutting like a knife.

I'm really proud of this paragraph. I was trying to imagine how you would describe like, beautiful weather, on a day when you felt like shit. it's "glittering" "shattering" "sharp". it "probes him with chilled fingers" - it's invasive, harsh, awful. and it triggers another memory.

The last time he’d been out, alone, on a morning like this, the Doctor remembered, he’d embraced this muchness, let it fill him up, let it consume him. He’d thought it was the only way to feel touched again. Not by a person, but by the world. Then he’d berated himself; so pathetic, so maudlin. People don’t owe you their touch. It’s enough to have felt it at all. Enough to know.

Greedy, he’d thought. Insatiable. Selfish.

He falters by the sycamore tree, dropping Nardole lower. There’d been a cat here.

There had been a cat that had rubbed up by his legs, purring. He’d been so bright, so lonely. He had it picked up, holding it upside down so he could rub gently at the soft hot fur of its belly. It had let him, for a moment, lax in his arms, blinking, squinting up at the cold sun. Then, it had wriggled and squirmed, saying let me down, let me down, and he had thought, oh, not even you?

Not even you, he had thought as he set it down again, not even you want to touch me, and it had scurried off, heading to the cafeteria where the students likely would give it scraps of bacon sandwiches and drop pieces of cheese into its pleading mouth.

“Sir?” Nardole says quietly.

"not even you want to touch me"

like, that's the whole point - what he's been circling around this whole time. he came up with this crazy coping mechanism (snog a robot head, let's not forget his solution was to snog a robot head), but it doesn't fix the root cause which is that his wife is dead and his friend/enemy is locked up and he's lonely

anyway. they go to visit Missy (Nardole zipped up in a bag the whole time).

“What’s with the bag?” she asks. “Not seen that one before. You joined a basketball team?”

“Tried that once,” he tells her. “Got kicked out.”

“You thought it was netball, didn’t you?”

He huffs a breath through his nose, smiling again. “I thought it was netball,” he admits.

Missy purses her lips, eyeing the ceiling. “Makes sense,” she says. “It’s a net, and a ball. Honestly. I would understand it if they were chucking balls into baskets.”

“Football has a net too,” the Doctor says.

“And tennis.”

“I might just start calling every human sport ‘netball’ and see how angry they all get.”

Missy frowns. “I thought I was here to learn how to be nice to the wee humans.” She raises her eyebrows, tilts back in her chair. “You’re a bad example, you are.”

This is what they do now, this talking without really talking. Lots of words that say nothing at all.

he wants to connect with her so badly, but nothing they say has any meaning. they're just talking, blandly, about what's in front of them. they're there, together, but there's no connection. you can be lonely even when you're with other people

then Missy plays the piano for him (and there's NO duet, which as I'm sure you know, means that there is NO INTIMACY)

sex joke:

When the Doctor gets back to his office, Nardole is reclined in his favourite armchair, reading a saucy magazine. The Doctor peers over his shoulder.

‘HIS SECRET SEX SPOTS’, the article screams, ‘HOW TO PLEASE YOUR MAN IN THREE EASY STEPS’.

“Why are you reading that?” he asks before he can stop himself. Nardole looks up and fixes him with a look. “Actually don’t tell me.”

“I’ve got a boyfriend.”

The Doctor blinks. “What about Sharon?”

Nardole sighs loudly. “Haven’t you heard of polyamory?”

“Your spare head hasn’t told me about a boyfriend.”

“Oh!” Nardole says, narrowing his eyes. “Is that why you wanted him? To gossip about my comings and goings?”

“I definitely don’t want to know about your comings,” says the Doctor.

sorry i promised not to just laugh at my own jokes but honestly why else would i be here

they do this for a while. then Bill catches them.

“What are you doing?!” someone squawks.

Instinctively, the Doctor surges up and flings Nardole’s head clear across the room.

It’s Bill, standing in the doorframe, backlit by the light from the corridor. She’s looking at him, her face a picture of pure shock. Horrified. “Did you behead Nardole?”

oof. poor Bill, she goes through so much.

she drags Nardole to the office, and

He swings his feet back to the floor, turns to the two of them. Three of them. “You know,” he starts, “that I have been alone since my wife – left me.”

“Died,” Spare Head Nardole supplies.

Bill’s mouth drops open. “You’re married?”

Main Head Nardole elbows her. “He was.” He spins the photo of River on the Doctor’s desk around, making as if to grab it, and the Doctor is suddenly furiously, furiously angry. He slaps Nardole’s hand away.

“Do you mind!” he snaps, and clutches River’s picture close to his chest. His breaths are coming harsh and ragged, his throat tightening again. “I have been alone,” he says at last, “for seventy years. Alone in this office, in this building, in this city.” He puts the picture frame back on the desk, focusses on straightening it out, puts it perfectly in its place. “So yes,” he says, and breathing is coming easier now, “we came to an agreement. Me and him.” He gestures to Spare Head One.

“Him and me,” Spare Head One says.

“I see,” Bill says after a moment. The Doctor has hopes that that will be the end of it, that these two might piss off now, but then Bill ruins it by continuing to speak. “So you’re lonely.”

he can't even say it, that's the worst thing. he can't even say "she died" because it hurts too much. easier to say she just left. easier. better. because then maybe she'd come back.

Nardole doesn't let that happen though. he's someone that just like... says things, as they are. he just says it. she's dead. Bill's the same. you're lonely.

she's dead, you're lonely.

honestly wtf would the Doctor do without these two.

Bill goes like... you literally have a girlfriend locked up downstairs just talk to her for heaven's sake

Bill snatches up Spare Head One, who lets out a small squeak, and turns to the door. “How about we just go and get everything sorted out? Communication’s what it’s all about, you know!”

yeah Bill! comminication IS what it's all about

the problem with her plan - which is, as far as I can tell, "get the two weird Time Lords to speak to each other, maybe" is that she forgot to account for Missy being as weird as shit as well

Missy cackles. “Of course he doesn’t.” She whips the mango off the shelf and plunges her hand into the base of it. “That’s because he’s here!” And with a dramatic spin, she whips out another Spare Head from inside the mango.

“What was he doing under there?” Bill asks, baffled.

Missy rubs her nose. “Well,” she says, pointing at Spare Head One, “he offered.”

“So you fixed him,” Bill says, “and then you just shoved him under a thing on a shelf and – left him there?”

“No,” says Missy. “I bring him out from time to time.”

Bill frowns. “What for?”

Missy’s painted-red lips spread into a wicked smile. “Kissing.”

Bill blinks at her for a second, and then rolls her eyes. “Jesus Christ,” she says. “You two deserve each other.”

there's like... symmetry to it, right? synergy. they were lonely, there were some spare heads floating around, why not have a snog

OBVIOUSLY their problem is that they don't TALK to each other, they don't acknowledge their pain and they just like... cope, in the worst possible ways. but also i think it's funny so that's why i did this

the mango is obviously a reference to my other missydole fic, where Nardole gets his head stuck in a mango

obviously

THEN we get to the REAL weird bit

“Doctor,” she says, voice low, and hands him the head. “Kiss him for me?” The Doctor chokes on his own spit. “I want to watch.”

The Doctor turns his eyes to Nardole, who twitches his forehead in a way that might mean might as well, or might mean get away from me. Slowly, he leans in. Nardole’s eyes get big and round, but he doesn’t say anything, and as their mouths touch he lets out a soft sigh. The Doctor pulls away again and turns his head back to Missy. He raises an eyebrow. “Happy?”

“Very much,” she says, and plucks Nardole out of his hands.

“No, sir, don’t let her!”

“Oh,” Missy says, nostrils flaring, “I fix your head but I’m not allowed a little thank you kiss?”

Nardole narrows his eyes. “Only if you fix me, too.” He sniffs, and darts his eyes over to Spare Head Two, who sits still on the piano watching them all silently. “Like you did him.”

“Done.”

“Oh fine then,” grumbles Nardole, and she presses a dry, almost chaste kiss against his lips. When she pulls back, he has the impression of her lipstick all over his mouth.

“Your turn again,” she says throatily, and passes Nardole back to him. The Doctor leans in again and licks the lipstick off his mouth, smearing the red between the two of them. Missy leans in and whispers in his ear, breath hot, while he does, “It’s almost like you’re kissing me, by proxy, isn’t it?” He grunts, and kisses Nardole harder.

They part with a slick sound, and the Doctor eyes Nardole’s mouth with satisfaction, the faint pink stains all over his lips. He runs a finger over them. Missy leans over, and as the Doctor turns his head she kisses him on the corner of his mouth, pulling back with an irritated scowl.

"You were aiming for my cheek, weren't you?" he accuses.

“Give him to me,” Missy says, and he complies. She stands, Nardole clutched close to her chest, and wanders over to the piano stool which opens to reveal a full tool set. She grabs a screwdriver, and starts fiddling around in Nardole’s neck.

“Oh, we’re done, are we?” the Doctor says, trying not to sound petulant, and not really succeeding.

She gives him a disdainful glance. “Wanted more, did you?”

look i just want things to be awful and horrible for them all. like these are literally such rancid vibes. i think it's funny.

(oh, another note - in my FIRST publishing of this fic, did the Doctor and Missy kiss? no. did you come sobbing into my DMs about it? yes. did I write an entirely new bit just for you? yes)

i think. there's probably a version of this where they talk more. they open up to each other more. but i liked this more quiet, subdued version, where Missy fixes the other head, and it's more about what's implied than what's outright stated. i mean, yes, i love a good love confession, but i think there's almost something more intimate about this quiet understanding.

they've kissed, she's fixing something.

he knows things are going to be okay.

and, last words to the Doctor and Bill:

“I didn’t mean to make you feel bad,” she says. “I’m sorry. You can – obviously, you can do what you want.” She swallows. “I didn’t know about your wife.”

Oh. The Doctor puts the essay back on the desk, and opens his arms. Bill burrows into them, resting her head on his shoulder. “It’s okay,” he murmurs. “You didn’t know.”

“How long?”

“We’re time travellers, it’s difficult,” he deflects. She doesn’t say anything, but pulls back and gives him a look. “About seventy years.”

Bill smiles sadly. “That’s a long time,” she says, “to be alone.”

The Doctor looks down at her hand, and holds it in his own. He smiles at her. “I’m not alone,” he says. “Not any more.”

YEAH

i guess that's sort of explicating what was implied in the previous scene. he's not alone. he's got friends. he's got a plethora of spare heads. and he's also got Missy.

i think OBVIOUSLY i wanted this story to be funny and silly and wild and i wanted the Doctor to have a really embarrassing time snogging a robot head, but i also was really trying to say something about what it feels like to be lonely, and i am like, genuinely proud of it. i think it's probably one of the best things I've written.

i wrote it at a really horrible time in my life, like i said, and i don't really remember writing it for the most part. reading it back was actually like.. good. which is honestly so nice.

like, i wrote this for like two people (hi), and myself, and it's very much my brand of humour, which is that it's funny but it's also sad because i think funny hits harder when it's balanced on the knife edge of tragedy.

SO. YEAH.

~~fin~~

#sorry this is so long i was going to do it with images but the image description only lets you put 200 characters #also i had a lot to say apparently!!!!!!!!!!!!!#spare hearts #writing

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softlass27 · 4 years

Note

Directors cut of One More Word and you Wont Survive 🙏

Gah, this fic is so long, but I shall try and break it down!

So the initial idea came from a brief conversation I had with @soft-husbands about how ridiculous it was that in 2018 the writers had Lachlan kidnap Rebecca (who literally no one cared about) instead of Robert, which would have been a much better storyline. Since I needed to write something for her in a gift exchange, I decided to do my own version of it!

These are the key points/main ideas that were the most important for me:

Aftermath

One thing I knew I definitely wanted to do – even before I’d really worked out the exact plot – was include a lot of the actual aftermath of the kidnapping, and really show how it mentally affected Robert (as well as Aaron). I didn’t want to write one of those fics where you just have the drama, and then maybe one scene at the end where everything’s suddenly okay again. Which, y’know, is what the Emmerdale writers tend to do. 🤷

So that’s why the fic is literally divided into two halves – the action and the aftermath. And I loved writing the second half – looking at Robert’s mental state, showing other characters’ reactions, lots of communicating between him and Aaron etc.

I didn’t want Robert to just be fine straight away, I wanted him to take some time to settle back into things again, to go to counselling and to work towards recovering from what he’d been through. I kept it mostly quite upbeat and hopeful – I couldn’t bring myself to make it too angsty – but I did have Robert struggle to come to terms with what had happened to him.

On top of that, I wanted Aaron to be his rock. The writers never really gave Aaron a chance to be the strong one in the relationship, not for longer than a couple of episodes or so, and I wish we could’ve seen it. It would’ve been great to watch, but also a nice switch for Danny and Ryan (who would’ve both smashed it!).

And of course this was an excuse for me to write lots of soft fluffy husbands content, which as you all know, is my jam.

Lachlan

So in the show, I thought the writers did a good job of building up Lachlan’s psychotic tendencies. In late 2017, he did begin to seem quite scary, you could see they were building up to him properly snapping.

But then as soon as he actually did start killing people, he became kind of… meh. They’d done all this buildup to make him as deranged as possible, but from the Whites car crash onwards, his character lost all that great creepiness and just became a bit of a wet wipe. His killing of Gerry was completely lame, his kidnapping of Rebecca was rubbish and so was the aftermath. He spent most of his time flapping about what to do and obsessing over Belle, and honestly he became one of the most boring soap villains they’ve ever done. By the time he was arrested and went to prison, they’d lost so much momentum it was kind of a pitiful ending for him.

Maybe it’s because I watch a lot of crime stuff (both true and fictional), but I just wanted more. I wanted him to be terrifying, to be unhinged and scarily cold. And it made sense to me that he would really show this side of himself by kidnapping and torturing Robert. Robert’s been his number one enemy from the beginning – he hates him more than anyone and essentially blames him for every single thing that went wrong in his life. In terms of storytelling, it only seemed right that his final showdown would be with Robert and no one else. It’s what both characters deserved.

So that’s what I wrote. I did a big final “fight to the death” between the two, and I tried to make Lachlan this cold-blooded psychopath who got off on making Robert suffer as much as possible – for as long as possible. All those years of built-up resentment finally spilled out of him and it made him totally lose the plot. But at the same time, he was able to switch that off and act completely normal when he was with Belle. I tried to show this in a few scenes, like including a moment where he told Robert – his kidnapped victim – he had to go because Belle was expecting him to go for breakfast with her family.

I really enjoyed doing it, but at the same time I was terrified that the way I was writing him would seem ridiculous, like he’d come off as a bit of a silly pantomime villain. It seems to have paid off though, judging by peoples’ reactions, so I’m quite happy with how my Lachlan turned out :)

Chas/Paddy/Liv

I knew from the beginning that Chas, Paddy and Liv would all be on the “wrong” side of the story, so to speak. They’d be the sort of “lesser” villains, the ones causing conflict on Aaron’s end and in the second half of the story.

On the show, I never really believed that any of them actually accepted Robert as family after reunion 2.0, to me it seemed like Chaddy were just civil with him as long as he made Aaron happy. And I never bought into the whole “roblivion” concept during boyfriends era, so I was even less convinced of it in husbands era. I always found it shallow and fake on Liv’s end.

This was pretty much proved right by Chas, Paddy and Liv’s behaviour during the aftermath of Robert’s exit – all three of them showed their true colours and their true feelings about him very quickly.

Considering every time things got rough for Robron on the show, Chaddy and Liv either turned on Robert or just acted like he never existed/meant anything and actively tried to push Aaron to “grow up” and move on from him, it made perfect sense to me to have them suspect the worst of Robert in my story. To assume that him disappearing meant that he’d done something wrong, rather than he was in trouble.

(Fun fact: the scene where Robert has that big showdown with Chaddy in the pub was actually one of the first ones I wrote. Ah, priorities.)

I wanted Aaron to be strong, to never doubt that Robert was in trouble and to unapologetically stick by him in the aftermath. I wanted him to stand up to Chaddy and to put Robert before Liv for once (judging by quite a few comments that I got, lots of other people did too, so I’m glad I went for it!). I also wanted him to make it very clear that his main family unit – his priority – was Robert and Seb, not the Dingles’ feelings. Anyone who disagreed with him could fuck right off as far as he was concerned.

By the end of the story, Aaron has very much allied himself with the Sugden family, that’s why we saw lots of him with Diane and Vic. I really wanted to call back to the “Who Shot Robert” era, where they both stepped up and rallied around Robert 100%, only this time with the bonus of Aaron being on their side, too.

Rebecca/Ross/Seb

I mean… this is quite self-explanatory, but I knew from the beginning that Rebecca would die and Ross would end up going to Liverpool miserable and alone. No happy ending for either of them because they didn’t fucking deserve it.

And of course, this would mean that Seb would stay with his dads where he belongs. I will never get tired to coming up with new ways for this to happen (just you wait for Aaron week).

The ending

Since I was writing this fic for the engagement anniversary gift exchange, I thought it’d be fun to include an actual engagement at the end of it. I hadn’t necessarily planned to make it another lay-by proposal, but when I looked at my story timeline (yes, I did make an actual timeline lmao) and I realised that the 4th December wasn’t very far away, I knew I HAD to get them back to that spot. It was only right!

So I’m probably in the minority here, but I’m not actually a huge fan of proposal 2.0. Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice and super cute, but the whole “trying to propose to each other at the same time” gimmick just wasn’t really for me. I thought it was a bit unrealistic that they’d both separately just randomly come up with the same idea at the same time (I know, I’m sorry). And since we’d already had Robert do it the first time, I kind of wanted the second one to be totally Aaron’s thing, let him have a proper turn.

So I took elements of proposal 2.0 that I liked – the location, some of the dialogue – and took out the bits that I didn’t – Robert trying to propose, Aaron’s funfair lie (I’m sorry but that was just dumb), the jinx thing, other people (Chaddy and Liv) being so involved. Thereby creating my own perfect version of proposal 2.0 (what can I say, I am a self-indulgent girl).

I think in this universe, after everything they’d been through, after Aaron’s terror of losing Robert for good, it seemed right that he would be the one to do the asking. And because we know he’s a sentimental sod, it made sense that he would wait until their lay-by anniversary to do it.

#omg i'm sorry this is so long #i think i've covered the main things #but if anyone wants me to expand/mention something else #go for it!#my writing #lauren rambles #robandaaronsoulmates

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mutsu-province · 5 years

Text

Wager

Title: Wager Fandom: Samurai Love Ballad: Party/Tenka Touitsu Koi no Ran: Love Ballad Pairing: Date Masamune x MC Rating: PG-13 Era: Modern Day Word Count (MS Word): 3,959

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才子佳人　（さいしかじん） [saishikajin]

(n) well-matched pair

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"You should totally meet my cousin."

Anyone who heard such a statement would have been puzzled as to why one had to mention one’s relative who was not present at that very moment, but given that her situation had been rather odd as well, she should not have been surprised.

It was stupid, really, on how it all began.

After living in the Ancient Capital her whole life, the moment the opportunity presented itself for her to be able to study in the East Capital, she seized it and never looked back. Sure, she got a bit homesick at times, but more importantly, she had her freedom.

It was not known to all that she was from an old samurai clan, and a conservative one at that.

Which meant that everything she did was scrutinized, from the way she dressed to where she studied. As such, she went to one of the few 'Super Science High Schools' in the country from elementary until high school, and her family, albeit reluctantly to allow her to pursue higher education, expected her to go to the equally elite Kyoto University, if only to keep an eye on her.

Instead, she opted to enroll at the University of Tokyo, specifically, to a course that she had been interested in ever since she could read a book: the Liberal Arts, with her specialization being Japanese history. Ironic, as she had been subjected to math and science most of her life, only for her to pursue a degree in the arts.

Not that her family had been against it, but they were rather disappointed that she was going to university when she could have simply gone through a marriage meeting in order to get married soon after her high school graduation.

The last thing she wanted was to become a pawn to her family, which was why she opted to be as physically distant from them as she could possibly achieve. It was by pure luck that she managed to get a scholarship for the famed TouDai, and with her situated in Tokyo, that meant less meddling.

Sure, it made year-end family gatherings a little bit awkward, but it was on them, not her. She had no desire to follow their wishes; she did so once, just to please them, but it made her miserable in the end.

Never again would she allow herself to be manipulated.

Pushing aside any thought of her estranged family, she asked, "... Excuse me?"

The other person grinned before chuckling. "Oh, sorry about that. Just that… you remind me of my cousin. He's pretty knowledgeable about history too, and would probably appreciate seeing the famed Red Gate with his own eyes."

"I… see." she decided not to tell the stranger that the ancestors of her childhood friend had a connection to this Red Gate [1], lest it invited more talk. It wasn’t everyday that some stranger came up to you to discuss about Japanese history, and no matter how much she wanted to stop and chat, it simply wasn’t done upon the first encounter. "Well then, if you'll excuse me…"

"Sorry for the sudden outburst though." The man scratched the back of his head awkwardly. "You a junior?"

She nodded tentatively, which made the man grin. "Nice, I'm a junior too. Komaba Campus, yeah? Guess I'll see you around."

She found herself nodding again before turning away, heading back to the station.

"Itou Narumi!"

She stopped in her tracks and looked back at the man, who was now grinning widely at her. “I’m Itou Narumi.” he repeated. “Nice to meet you.”

Despite her hesitation, she found herself smiling a bit. "Tamura Aki. Nice to meet you."

----------

While their initial meeting had been rather unusual, she quickly became friends with Narumi. It turned out that happy-go-lucky man was such a people-person that he had made friends with everyone in their year in no time, though curiously, he somehow chose to spend most of his time with her whenever possible. Of course, that brought about rumors regarding their relationship being more than friends, but he had been quick to tell her that she was, in his opinion, better off with his cousin.

As to who that cousin was, she had no clue, other than said cousin did not reside in Tokyo, and was a year older than both of them. When she pressed her classmate for more details about this cousin of his, all he did was smirk.

“In due time, my friend. In due time.” the words sounded ominous, but to her, it was simply typical of master showman Itou Narumi to keep people in suspense.

Which was why she was now in a Shinkansen bound for Sendai in Miyagi Prefecture as soon as her summer break started; her original plan was to attend the Sendai Tanabata, held yearly during the 6th until the 8th of August, but somehow, somehow, Narumi had managed to convince her to make changes to her plan and, instead, head over to Sendai a few days before the start of the festival. She protested over the lack of funds; the cost of a Shinkansen ticket was no joke, nor were the hotel prices. A yearly event like Sendai Tanabata surely meant that the cost of the lodging would skyrocket, but her friend told her that she did not have to worry too much about her lodging. Rather, she could stay over at his family’s place in Sendai, which she had declined initially until he pestered her to simply accept her blessings. In the end, she reluctantly accepted the offer, though making a mental note to simply go back to Tokyo just in case the arrangements did not fall through and took a turn for the worst.

“Oh, and if you didn’t know, the place’s actually very near Zuihoden; you can be there as soon as it opens at 9.”

And that was how she fell for the scheme, hook, line, and sinker.

While most of the people she knew had known about her interest in history, what they were not aware of was that she was one of them, namely, a rekijo.

Calling her a ‘female history buff’ was still too kind; rather, she was obsessed with simply one man who made his mark in history.

While she did not go to the extremes of living, speaking, and breathing anything related to pre-Edo period, the way she was obsessed with learning and reading about her favorite warlord was another story. Every new book and magazine that featured him, without fail, she would buy it and read it, even if the information on said book had been something that she already knew. After all, she knew she wouldn’t be able to forgive herself if she overlooked anything related to him.

As to who her favorite warrior was, it was the One-Eyed Dragon of the North, Date Mutsu no Kami Masamune, the man who founded the city she was to visit.

Upon admitting this tidbit to her new friend and explaining why she was going to all three days of Sendai Tanabata, a smile that she could only describe as ‘scheming’ made its way to Narumi’s face before saying, “... I see. Well then, your Sendai trip should be interesting, yeah? Why not stay longer? I’m sure my cousin wouldn’t mind entertaining you.”

If it was only possible to cancel the trip, but the history buff in her was screaming at her not to, and to even take this as an opportunity to have the best Tanabata experience possible. She was never one to join festivals, especially since it was always humid in the summer. Besides that, she always had a part-time job lined up for a few weeks during summer vacation as she had bills to pay and money to save up. It took her two long years to save up for this trip, and she would rather not let the moment pass her by.

… That, and it would be totally embarrassing if she cancelled out on her friend, who had actually managed to convince his cousin to tour them around Sendai and the spots around the prefecture. Narumi, it turned out, had gotten the same cousin to agree to house her for the duration of her stay, and for free. When she asked why she had to stay at a total stranger’s place instead of his family home, it was then he told her that while he had been born in Miyagi Prefecture, he and his family moved to Hokkaido and settled at Date City. [2]

To her own embarrassment and shame, she then couldn’t help but quiz him about the city he grew up in, as it was related to the Date clan. Thankfully, her friend was more than happy to tell her about the history of the place.

“Honestly, you’re the only one I know who actually wanted to hear about where I grew up. Mention ‘Hokkaido’, and everyone just assumes that you’re from Sapporo.”

She shrugged. “I’ve read about Date City and didn’t want to assume, so I thought it would be better to ask you directly instead of making my own conclusions.”

He nodded solemnly. “You’re awesome as always, Acchan!”

While, at first, she was not very fond of the nickname, she realized that Narumi-kun didn’t call her by that to make fun of her. Growing up, a majority of people made fun of her and her name, mockingly calling her ‘Megohime’ whenever she starts blabbering about Sengoku Period history related to her favorite warlord or when they find out the characters to her name.

“No wonder you’re so fond of that warlord; you’ve even named yourself after his wife! Just how obsessed are you, really?” [3]

For the most part, people assumed that her name was her alias when, in fact, it was her real name. Narumi, to her own surprise, asked her how her name was read, even after seeing the way she wrote it.

Now that she thought about it, Narumi was truly a nice guy; at first, it seemed really suspicious as to why he would go out of his way to be so nice to her, even if they became friends recently.

Then again, he's always been like that to everyone.

Quickly relieving herself of distracting thoughts, she began to reread the list of places she would like to visit while she was in Tohoku. Now was her chance to truly visit the place she had always dreamed of; the very region her favorite warlord had ruled… just thinking about it was enough to make her want to scream in happiness.

She reached her destination a little before noon, and immediately after exiting the Shinkansen, the university student took a photo of the sign that indicated the station name, trying her best not to either burst into tears or simply scream.

She still could hardly believe the fact that she was finally here.

In Sendai.

“Don’t you start breaking down on me here.”

She hardly had any time to gasp as soon as she realized that Itou Narumi was now walking towards her, and had went out of his way to pay the platform ticket [4] just to see her.

“Why are you even here?!” she could barely keep her surprise down.

“Been messaging you for ten minutes. Guess you were too giddy to reply back? We’re not even at the castle ruins yet!” upon hearing his teasing, her face flamed, knowing that he spoke the truth.

Unable to counter what he had said, she proceeded to hit him on the arm, prompting him to yelp in surprise and in shock.

“... Come on, let’s just go okay. I bet your cousin’s waiting for us.” with that, she began walking towards the exit, eager to begin her exploration of the region.

With her back turned, she missed the calculating smirk on her friend’s face.

“Yes, he’s so looking forward to meeting you.”

----------

If only publicly throttling and assaulting his cousin wasn’t a crime, he would have done so as soon as Shigezane made it out of the ticket gates.

Despite being younger by a year old, his now soon-to-be disowned cousin was such a sleaze that he could not believe he got outsmarted by this… this… schemer.

Date Masamune being uncomfortable with women was the biggest understatement of the year within his family, and the fact that there was a woman trailing behind Shigezane was the biggest indicator that this happened to be the very person he had to take care of during her entire stay in Sendai.

Inwardly, he cringed, irritated at the fact that he assumed that the ‘buddy’ Shigezane mentioned over at LINE was male. While he wanted to blame the other man for the situation he was currently in, Masamune knew that the burden fell to him to confirm all the details. He had been so busy lately that it was highly likely that he overlooked the messages. That, or Shigezane seemed to have been intentionally been vague and rather pushy that he had no other choice but to agree just to get him to stop spamming their LINE chat.

Typical of Shigezane to use his so-called “persuasion skills” to force the other person to simply give in.

Resisting the urge to roll both of his eyes, he sized up the person who was to be his house guest for the next few days.

Surprisingly, up close, she was a rather small thing, the top of her head barely reaching his cousin’s chin. While he was no fashion expert, even from his good left eye, he noticed that her hairstyle reminded him of how women from the Heian Period, who kept it very long, but the hair on the sides of her cheeks were cut short.

… Not that she had a face similar to the Heian Period women depicted on those scrolls.

She looked… well, she was definitely a looker in that blue-green summer dress and short-sleeved cardigan, if he had to admit it. With eyes the color of ruby and her burgundy locks cascading just above the middle of her back, Shigezane’s… whoever she was, she was guaranteed to catch a man’s attention, himself included, even though he was no good in dealing with her kind.

She had seemed rather soft-spoken when she bowed at Kojuro after Shigezane did the introductions. To his surprise, she seemed to refer to his cousin by a different name, one that he couldn't quite catch.

Before he could ponder on it further, Shigezane interrupted his thoughts.

“Masa! Sorry for the wait! My buddy’s here now!” it was hard to miss the cheeky grin on his cousin’s face. “She spent her time on the platform taking photos of the ‘Sendai Station’ signboard like a tourist!”

He also did not miss the glare she aimed at her cousin, who was either oblivious or was simply ignoring her anger.

Inwardly, he shook his head and sighed, knowing that since he had to honor his promise, he might as well steel himself for the upcoming chaos.

“I’m Masamune.” he said, bowing at the girl.

Curiously, her face lit up. “ ‘Masamune’? Is your name written the same way as — ”

For some reason, he felt annoyed upon hearing where her query was going. While he was aware that there were many ways to write the name, still, hearing it from her was enough to stir something in him other than indifference.

“Yes, I write my name the same way as the Date Masamune.” [5] he said curtly, not wanting to explain further.

Like his more famous ancestor before him, he was named thus, which he thought was not a bad thing… though it got annoying when even his right eye had somehow tried to imitate the first lord of the Sendai Domain. While the issue with his eye was not due to smallpox, he felt uncomfortable about it, which was why he chose to cover his affected eye with part of his hair and, at times, a medical eyepatch.

To his surprise, a smile made its way to her face. “That is such a cool name. Nice to meet you, I’m Aki.”

He ignored the way his chest warmed upon seeing her smile. “Let’s head out before we run out of parking space at the museum.” Masamune found himself saying before turning around to head for the parking lot.

“Museum? Seriously? Her first time in Sendai, and you’re thinking of bringing her to the museum?” came Shigezane’s unfiltered commentary. “That’s boring and you know it!”

“Got any better ideas?” Kojuro asked curtly, sounding rather exasperated that the carefully planned schedule was being challenged by the very person who asked for a favor.

“I don’t mind going to the museum.” Aki said, seemingly sensing the tension in the air. “I think it’d be great to learn more about Sendai! I mean, we are off to Sendai City Museum [6], right?”

“We are.” Kojuro confirmed. “I trust that you don’t object to that, Tamura-san?”

“Of course not.” he heard her say in affirmation. “I’d love to see the history of this city! Anything goes, really!”

Despite his misgivings about this woman, he found himself admiring her, if only just a little. They’ve only met, after all, and who knows what kind of woman she really was underneath all the politeness. His own mother had been loving and kind until she found out about the condition of his right eye; despite modern-day explanations that there was nothing wrong with it, she clung to old-fashioned beliefs that he had been cursed by their ancestors.

… Now’s not the time to think about that.

He needed a change of pace and a change of scenery; he was on his final year in the university, and had been pushing himself too hard. Upon the advice of Kojuro, he decided to actively join the festivities for this year’s Tanabata. As heir of the Date clan, he had been tasked by his father to tour a group of tourists from overseas around Zuihoden, his famous namesake’s mausoleum complex [7]; while he was uncomfortable with public speaking, he knew he had to overcome this. Someday, he would be giving out lectures about his family to the general public, and the sooner he became more comfortable with his clan duties, the better.

“Are you all done talking? Let’s get moving.” upon looking back to see if everyone was following suit, he noticed that she was carrying her backpack and pulling along her rather large-sized suitcase. Upon seeing the sight, he found himself frowning.

Walking over to her, he said, “Give me that.”

“I’m fine—” just when she was about to protest, he cut her off and grabbed the trolley handle of her suitcase. “Uhhh…”

“Forgive my cousin for forgetting that he is supposed to be a gentleman and should be carrying your stuff for you.” Masamune then directed a glare at his cousin, who at least looked a bit less smug after getting called out for his mistake. “Your backpack, if you don’t mind.”

“I’m good.” she said, shaking her head. “I can carry this at least.”

“Very well. Let’s stop wasting time here.” pulling her roller suitcase behind him, he began to head for the rooftop parking.

----------

Shigezane found himself smirking as soon as his cousin’s back was turned. Beside him, Kojuro was frozen on the spot, unable to process what he had just seen.

Not that he could blame him; Katakura Kojuro served as Masamune’s guardian and mentor since childhood, and knew very well that Masamune could not abide women. And yet, the heir to their clan had been cordial, polite even, and to a woman he had only met for the first time. There was still some awkwardness to the way Masa conducted himself towards Acchan, but that was a start at least.

“... Is this what you meant when you said you’d be going home for the summer holidays?” Kojuro asked in a soft voice as both of them followed the two from a distance. “I was surprised to hear that you wanted to visit Sendai in summer, when we all know that you’d rather go back to Hokkaido and escape the summer heat in Tokyo.”

Instead of denying it, Shigezane figured that he might as well spill the beans to the older man. After all, his plan of setting up his cousin and his new friend wouldn’t go as planned if Kojuro kept trailing after Masamune like a mother hen.

“You’d never believe me on this, but Tamura Aki is the perfect girl for Masa!”

As expected, Kojuro sighed in exasperation. “... Are you serious?”

It was his turn to sigh in exasperation. “Why wouldn’t I be serious about this?”

“You manipulated her into going here just to meet Masamune-sama?!” Kojuro asked, irritation evident in his voice. “That is low, even for you.”

It was his turn to get angry at the accusation. “Excuse me, but Acchan wanted to attend the Sendai Tanabata; all I did was steer her to Masa’s direction. Wouldn’t it be great if they get along?!”

“This is highly inappropriate—”

“Oh please, Kojuro, we both know that deep within your heart, you want him settled with a good woman and take care of his babies in the future like a doting grandma.” for the second time that day, he ignored the glare aimed at him, though he grinned widely at the embarrassed flush that made its way to the man’s cheeks. “Just your luck, she’s perfect for him.”

When even his childhood guardian did not look convinced, he added, “She doesn’t know anything about the clan, nor our families.”

“You both are from TouDai, are you not? How does she not know?”

“I never told her; I go by ‘Itou Narumi’ [8] in school, and she doesn’t suspect that we’re related to the Date clan of the old Sendai Domain.”

At this, Kojuro simply shook his head, as if to give up trying to process whatever it was that he was saying; which meant that, for now, it was his victory.

“So please, could you not get in their way, at least, until she and I leave for Tokyo?”

Shigezane knew that Kojuro was torn; it was a gamble, as it was not known at this point if his ward and a strange woman would actually get along. Not to mention, the possibility of her being a gold digger and hurting Masamune was something that the member of the Katakura clan was mulling upon.

Shigezane directed a prayer to his ancestors to, for once, enlighten the old man and allow him to let go of his overprotectiveness towards Masamune, albeit temporarily.

It was on the tip of his tongue to say that Masamune wasn’t as fragile as he thought he was, until Kojuro beat him to it.

“... I will humor you just this once, and will allow your friend to be close to Masamune-sama during her stay here. However, one suspicious move from her, and I send her back to Tokyo, along with you.” Kojuro leveled his gaze at him, and for once, Date Shigezane felt as if he was a toddler again, as the look in the older man’s eyes felt eerily similar to his childhood days whenever he was scolded for getting into trouble.

Still, if the gamble paid off…

“Don’t you worry, old man, you’ll like her.” ignoring the eye twitch in the other man’s eye upon hearing the word ‘old man’, Shigezane grinned. “In no time at all, Masa’s gonna fall in love with her, and you’ll have babies to take care of!”

“... You’d better be right about this, or I’ll never forgive myself.”

----------

Notes:

[1] Red Gate - called the 'Akamon'. Tokyo University's main Hongo campus used to be the residence of the Maeda clan in Edo (Tokyo).

[2] Date City - located in Hokkaido. Members of the Date-Watari clan (Shigezane's descendants) moved to Hokkaido during the Meiji period. There is a museum in Date city that displays Date Shigezane's armor.

[3] “No wonder you’re so fond of that warlord; you’ve even named yourself after his wife! Just how obsessed are you, really?” - Date Masamune’s legal wife’s name is Megohime (愛姫).

[4] Platform ticket - when you want to see someone off at the train station and want to go past the ticket gates, you'll need a platform ticket to go in.

[5] Date Masamune’s name - It’s written as 政宗. There are actually eleven ways to write the name ‘Masamune’ in different kanji.

[6] Sendai City Museum - as the name implies, it's a museum within the city of Sendai that tells the history of the city. At times, the museum displays rare items related to Date Masamune or to the Date clan.

[7] Zuihoden - mausoleum complex where Date Masamune is buried.

[8] Itou Narumi - Date Shigezane’s name (伊達成実) can also be read as such, as shown in the game’s event story.

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Welp, I started writing for Date Masamune too.

First fanfic for him, and I was bold enough to even try a modern-day AU setting; I guess this is what happens when you keep on visiting Sendai and doing fanfic research while you’re there...? I love Sendai a lot though, which is why I keep coming back whenever I get a chance to do so.

I’ve set Masamune’s MC’s name to be Tamura Aki (田村愛姫), with the kanji for her first name being similar to Megohime’s, though only read differently. I chose the family name ‘Tamura’, as Tamura was the clan that Megohime belonged to before marrying Date Masamune.

Hope you all enjoyed the first chapter!

#slbp fanfic #slbp fanfiction #slbp masamune #date masamune x mc #koiran #koiran lb #現代シリーズ

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tiergan-vashir · 5 years

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Hi. Just want to thank you for being open about your experiences. Seeing your posts is part of what made me think about whether I’m actually cis or not. Idk what to call myself because I never questioned myself until now, mostly because I’ve always been called a pretty girl (sorry that that sounds arrogant) and figured that’s what I should be. But recently I started thinking about things I did as a kid or even stories I wrote. And I realized that before I even I guess knew the pressures of (1/4)

Hey Anon! I’m going to put my response to you under a cut, because it’s quite long, but I hope it might help and be of some use to you on your journey with your gender.

I think the most useful thing a friend has ever told me when it came to gender is that “Cis people don’t really think about it.” Cis women don’t typically sit and yearn or dream of being a different gender, wearing a different gender’s clothes with a different gender’s body. If you’re worrying or even considering that the gender you were assigned at birth might not be the gender you truly are - I think that’s something worthy of giving some space and putting some time into in order to explore and discover the different parts of yourself.

If you do all that exploration and internal reflection and decide in the end, that you really are cis after all - then at least you reaffirmed it for yourself and maybe learned some new things about yourself along the way that can lead to greater creativity and self-expression. But if you realise you’re not cis, you can start walking down a path to even more self-acceptance and self-discovery.

When it comes to gender dysphoria and whether or not you may have it, I would say that sometimes people have set notions on what gender dysphoria is and completely miss that they’ve been experiencing it at all. There’s actually different types of gender dysphoria and different folks experience them in different ways (or not at all. For example, someone might feel physically dysphoric but not socially or vice versa). I would also try to look out for instances of gender euphoria, which can also be a telling sign.

In my personal experience, I didn’t know being nonbinary was an even option until just a few years ago. After that, I still doubted my gender, because when it came to dysphoria, literally all the stories I’d ever heard were ones where trans folks were so powerfully dysphoric that living life as their assigned birth gender was absolutely unbearable.

Because I’d never heard anything different, I thought that being in a constant, state of overwhelming suffering was mandatory part of the trans experience before you transition and that if you weren’t utterly miserable, depressed, or suicidal as a pre-transition trans person, it meant you were cis. Period. I had no idea at the time that dysphoria can actually come in different forms (social and physical) and can come in varying degrees of strength.

This youtube video is the best way I’ve ever heard someone describe how I personally also have experienced gender dysphoria, which is as an ever present ‘hum’. Background noise that is so constant that you start to not hear it anymore, because it’s always there. Being referred to by she/her pronouns didn’t really bug me (though that’s changed now if I can tell someone’s intentionally trying to misgender me). I don’t HATE my body. I just feel a little awkward about it and don’t really like looking at it all that much - but I thought that was kinda normal for anyone who wasn’t a super model. I hated most women’s clothing for most of my life, but I just kinda thought I just didn’t like fashion. I could live as a woman if I had to, even if I sometimes found myself wishing and dreaming (both figuratively and literally) I was a tall handsome man instead.

Meanwhile, just like that video above also describes: gender euphoria was like a bell. This bright, short-lived flash of happiness and joy. Every time someone referred to me as he/his OOC, I felt this burst of happiness and excitement. Every time I saw pictures online of androgynous people or women that could dress so masculinely people mistook them for men, I felt a joyful rush. (The Kpop singer Amber had me obsessed for weeks. I thought I had a crush on her, until I realised I straight up wished I could BE her, because so many people mistook her for a boy in a girl’s band.)

There were several times in the past where I low-key avoided telling people what my gender was IRL when I played as male characters in other games, because I wanted to spend just a little more time getting to enjoy people calling me by male pronouns OOC. And when I was a young teenager RPing male characters, I straight up lied to my RP buddy and told them I was a boy, crafting this whole other persona of this tall, handsome male version of myself. I liked being seen as a boy so much that I didn’t want to ruin the illusion of it.

Unfortunately, this backfired when this RP buddy and I became very close and they eventually wanted to visit me IRL. I spent hours trying on my brother’s clothes, and then burst into tears, because my body was all wrong and I just could not pass as male at all. It was the strongest gender dysphoria I’d ever felt in my life.

I feel like that should probably have been the moment I realised I wasn’t quite cis, but I didn’t even know what ‘transgender’ or ‘nonbinary’ was at that time. And even when I did learn it was a thing, living as a girl/woman wasn’t CONSTANT SUSTAINED SUFFERING to me, so the thought that I might not be cis didn’t even register.

It was instead the repeated, consistent bursts of gender euphoria over the years that eventually made me question myself and my gender. Noticing again and again how much more ecstatic and joyful I felt when seeing people who were visibly genderqueer or when people referred to me by he/him pronouns or just thought I was a man, really hit home.

Unfortunately, people don’t really talk about gender euphoria very much at all when it comes to the trans experience, just about the suffering. Even now, I still sometimes get hit with bursts of “but is it really enough? have I suffered enough to earn this label? Am I a ‘transtrender’?” Sometimes the joy and happiness at being gendered correctly is also a really good sign.

The funny thing is, once I realised I wasn’t a cis woman, I was able to re-examine traditionally feminine things see how I felt about them. Like I mentioned in another post, I used to HATE and feel frustrated by make-up. Now I love it and deeply enjoy it now that I feel like it’s about my own self-expression instead of me doing something because it’s what women are supposed to do. I discovered I love long, elaborate earrings and want to wear those things regularly While I generally prefer more androgynous clothing, there are a few very feminine pieces of clothing I really like (and some that make me so dysphoric I yeeted them into the trash).

On the flipside, I also found out I really, really fucking love suits and want to look and feel powerful in one. I want several masculine-cut vests, and ties as soon as I find ones I like that actually fit me. I love anything that minimizes the existence of my boobs and want to fine more masculine footwear (though that’s hard, because I have tiny feet). I tossed most of my bras out and replaced them with bralettes. And I love blending the masculine and feminine together. I was ecstatic when a friend told me that I achieved Peak Gender Confusion Inducement with my new haircut. Seeing Billly Porter in his gown + tuxedo jacket combo made my heart fucking sing.

I feel really free and empowered to be more myself than I have in a long time. And I hope, if anything else, your exploration helps you find that in yourself too regardless of what your gender winds up being in the end.

Hope this helps! Sorry this was so long.

#gender stuff #rl ramblings #gender #Anonymous

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migleefulmoments · 4 years

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Ask 1/2: I guess my comment about it being inappropriate to involve Abby’s family upset people. Listen- if the intent of the person in contacting Abby’s Sister was out if concern for Abby’s mental well being (not sure I believe that. But I haven’t seen the screen shot) then ok, they did what they felt was right. I personally do not feel qualified to diagnose someone with a psychiatric condition on the internet based on angry Tumblr posts that sound unhinged at times.

Ask 2/2: If that makes me a horrible person, that I am not going to involve myself in the personal well being of someone whose tumblr I saw as offensive, then I guess I’m not a good person. But bottom line is I have a hard time believing the person who contacted the family wasn’t doing it simply to humiliate Abby, regardless of it was a threat or FYI or whatever the message contained. Again, Im not saying Abby doesn’t deserve it on some level, but not something I’d have done. Sorry if I offended

I can’t speak for the poster motivation since it wasn’t me except to say they were angry and they were trying to get her family to do something (both things the person told me).

As someone else pointed out in my DM’s if their family saw such a post they would presume the person who wrote it is the mentally ill one. The fact that Abby’s sister took swift action is pretty telling. I wouldn’t diagnose Abby either because that isn’t my area of expertise -I have diagnosed several people with Ehler’s- Danlos Syndrome over the internet with 100% success rate to date. It’s certainly possible. Metaloma is qualified to diagnose mental disorders and using the information she gave me, I feel confident it’s accurate. It’s pretty obvious to anyone- trained or untrained that she has changed a lot in the 5 years she was blogging. Her theories were more measured in the past whereas in the last year she’s attacked ccers for not following her ideas lock-stock and barrel. Her hatred of Mia is getting more and more unhinged and irrational. Hating Mia is the main focus of her life and none of it is true.

I hope she gets help because ultimately, she’s miserable and angry 24/7 because Darren isn’t acting like she wants him to. Her entire life revolves around Darren and Mia. I suspect she gets up at 4am to stalk and blog before work. If not every day, I can say that she was often up at 4 am- she said many times she got up to “pee” at 4 and then she “made the mistake of checking Tumblr” but I think it was more than occasional- she only mentioned it when she found things that upset her because she started ranting about it so early. She then spent all day at work posting and stalking... and then after work and on weekends. She managed to post all-day during two different work conferences in the last year. In the two years, I have been blogging about cc, I don’t think she has taken more than 4 days off and that was because she was getting upset and pulled back. Otherwise, Darren and Mia are her full-time preoccupation.

Unfortunately, I can also say that she was overwhelmingly unhappy because of Darren. The only time she was happy in those two years was after he won the Emmy. She was happy for about 2 hours or until the euphoria wore off and she realized he had said really lovely things about Mia. She was then angry and she had to find a way to erase that for herself and for her fandom. Besides that 2 -hour riot, I can honestly say she was always somewhere between unhappy and raging for the entire 2 years. She is so jealous of Mia. To deal with it she’s decided to create this caricature of Mia that is a cross between every snob in every teen movie and the evil scheming and manipulation of the world’s greatest mafia boss. Abby always adds a dose of good old fashion slut-shaming to top it all off. But Abby is the only one who could see this side of Mia since she was making it all up in her head. And then there is Darren. Abby HATES Darren Criss. She loves the man who looks just like him, Mr. Blaine Devon Anderson-the world’s most perfect gold-star gay. She spent the first two 1/2 years post Glee reblogging gifs and complications of Blaine and Kurt moments. The last 2 1/2 years trying her damndest to find Blaine somewhere in Darren and occasionally she was successful- occasionally, Blarren was there -and Abby was gloriously happy for a moment. Mostly she would just bring up those moments, again and again, ad nauseaum whenever she was pissed that Darren wasn’t acting like Blarren. The Met Gala Catholic Dior coat and the IG post to the grandaughter of his Midway character are the two standout moments that she brings up all the damn time as proof of the Darren she loves. If you can only see the Darren you love in twice in 5 years and you have to concoct a never-ending array of contracts - and at least 5 or 6 “jailers”- in order to explain why Darren is hiding the real Blarren, you really need to question yourself. But Abby is never going to self analyze. She has no ability to self reflect and do what’s best for Abby. She’s a chronic liar who knows that she can’t talk about her cc obsession with a therapist because any therapist worth their degree would call her out on the damage she’s doing to herself. They would make her accountable and she certainly isn’t ready to accept that Darren isn’t the man she wants him to be and that her own behavior has gotten so out of control.

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mysterylover123 · 5 years

Text

My thoughts on Izu/Ocha: Meta

cue frustrated shipper screams

by mysterylover123

At the end of the day, irrespective of any shipping wars, I just want HeroAca to have a good ending. Many manga/anime/franchises have been utterly destroyed by a bad ending, while others are elevated by a great one. And a very consistent element in Bad Endings is poor handling of romantic subplots. Exhibits include: How I Met Your Mother, Naruto, Bleach. Horikoshi has listed both Marvel and Shonen Jump as his major influences, and BNHA is published in the latter. Both companies have a history of terrible Romantic Subplot decisions: Selling Spider-Man’s marriage to Mephisto, the IchiHime vs IchiRuki debate, the awkward Staron and Brutasha subplots in the MCU, and the fiery pit of controversy that is the Naruto ending pairs - all of it ultimately harming the narrative’s integrity and preventing audiences from enjoying the story. While a badly handled romance subplot doesn’t have to tank the ending of an action series, it’s still a thin line to walk.

On the surface, BNHA’s main pairing of Izuku Midoriya/Ochaco Uraraka, or Izu/Ocha as it’s called, seems to avoid the obvious problems. There’s no More Important Girl in Deku’s life, there’s no coding on his rivalries, and no melodramatic love triangle to annoy people. In fact, I can even say that Izuku and Ochaco’s dynamic is pretty fascinating. But not yet as an endgame pairing. My feelings on Izu/Ocha are complicated. I simultaneously ship it and don’t. I ship it because I enjoy them both as characters, I think they’re good friends, and they seem to like each other; I don’t ship it because the execution so far has been rather awkward, the romance lopsided on Uraraka’s side, and the nature of their relationship struggling to get to the levels of intimacy I’d expect from an endgame pairing. I’m afraid, in short, that Horikoshi will do what other Shonen manga have done: have a supporting female character become defined by her love for the Lead, have the lead spend the whole series ignoring them to obsess over their rivals and villains, and throw the two together at the last minute without properly developing their romance, leaving both fans of the pairing (because of the lack of onscreen development) and non-fans (because of the weak storytelling) alike disappointed and frustrated.

There are several options for what could happen besides that terrifying prospect. Izu/Ocha could spend lots of time developing their romance, correcting the problems I’ve spotted and outlined in this meta - I’ll mention a few areas where I think they could change these problems as I go along - and become a great Official Couple, like some of the success stories in Shonen romance writing (Ed/Win, Vegeta/Bulma…erm, that’s all I can think of). Alternatively, they could grow away from their crushes on each other and set them aside, ending as friends instead of lovers, possibly with no Official Couples (One Piece, and in the west, Gravity Falls, do something like this). That could work too. They could both end up with other people. They could end up having a tragic falling out and become enemies. At this point, anything’s possible. But what I do know is that they need to change something about their dynamic, and change it fast, or else the story is going to go barreling into the problems of it’s predecessors - the flaws in Shonen manga the series is so well known for avoiding, like pacing issues or Power Scaling. And I don’t want that.

I wrote this meta mostly to contextualize/analyze the Izu/Ocha dynamic for myself. I find their relationship interesting, and most meta on Izu/Ocha barely scratch the surface of their relationship, only going so far as to say either “I don’t like it” or “I like it, and you all are stupid for not liking it”. My feelings on Izu/Ocha are complicated, and I wanted to do a meta on them. Both their relationship, and as two of my fave characters in BNHA. What I want from a storytelling, meta-narrative perspective is a good story. What I want from a character loving POV is for my faves to be happy. If the series shows me they’ll make each other happy, I’m good. It’s just that so far, their relationship doesn’t seem to work that way.

So I’ll go through each arc of the series, and try and detail their interactions from both Deku’s POV and Uraraka’s. I’ll highlight the moments I like and find shippy, and the things they need to work on as a couple. Hopefully this’ll be an enjoyable read (it ended up really, really long), and I’m sorry if Izu/Ocha fans reading it get mad at me - I have nothing against it as a ship, I just want more from the relationship in canon.

Without further ado:

Entrance Exam Arc:

Deku’s POV: Deku’s first impression of Uraraka is great. She’s a cute, kind girl who stops him from tripping over his feet.

He does, however, think of her as “a girl” (“I just talked to a girl!”), which is a pattern with how he often reacts to her - as “a girl”, rather than “Uraraka”, later on down the line. When Deku shows attraction to Ochaco, it’s to her as an exemplar of the female, rather than as a person.

Compare Deku’s attraction to her uniform and costume, or responses to talking to ‘a girl’, to say, Naruto saying he likes Sakura’s “large charming forehead” or Darcy in Pride and Prejudice thinking of Elizabeth’s “fine dark eyes”. Big difference in terms of how romantic the attraction comes across.

Iida stops Deku from talking to Uraraka before the test, saying he’ll just distract her. Take a shot every time someone frames Ochaco’s potential interest in Deku as being a ‘distraction’ that she has to do without.

Deku notices Uraraka pinned under rubble and jumps to save her. He compares this mentally to doing the same for Bakugo in the previous arc, from the sludge villain. But there’s no All Might here to save Deku, and when he jumps he breaks three limbs. His decision gets him into UA, but he thinks he failed. For weeks, Deku feels miserable about this, wallowing in despair because he threw away his chance to get into UA. He gets the news from All Might, and learns that Uraraka went to offer up some of her points for him. Now this is sweet, but let’s look at what we know of Deku’s character now and talk about why I don’t think he appreciates this all that much, and why it wouldn’t have been good for their relationship if that was what got him into UA.

Deku doesn’t believe in himself. He has huge issues with personal security and confidence because of his past. He wants to be there for other people, to be “able to smile, while doing something good for them”. Deku wanted to get into UA on his own merit. So had Uraraka actually been the one to get him in, out of gratitude, it really would have done a number on Deku’s self-esteem. It would have told him that he wasn’t good enough to get in on his own, that someone else had to sabotage themselves to bail him out because of his mistakes. Fortunately, that’s not what happened - he got in because Rescue Points - but from an Izu/Ocha standpoint, it doesn’t seem calculated to cause Deku to fall in love with Uraraka. He doesn’t want someone to take pity on him and sabotage themselves so he can do well.

That’s why he doesn’t seem all that moved by Uraraka’s gesture here - we could have had many close-ups and reaction bubbles of him thinking about how wonderful she was for doing this, how generous and kind of her it was, but nope, nothing like that happens. Deku is only ecstatic once he learns that he made it in on his own merit. As he should be, of course, but ultimately this first encounter doesn’t do a lot to set up Izu/Ocha.

Ochaco’s POV. Ochaco is a nice girl who saves people in trouble. She’s also very, very insecure. I’ll get into that more later, but despite Uraraka’s cheerful exterior, she’s even more insecure than Deku is. She saves him when they first meet, then walks off after talking at him for a few minutes.

He doesn’t respond to her at all out loud and she quickly moves on. This is a small microcasm of their entire dynamic: Ochaco often talks at Deku rather than with Deku, and he rarely talks to her about anything. We’ll get more into that later.

Ochaco gets saved by Deku during the exam, saves him in return, and later on offers him her points. When she brings him up to Mic, she calls him “plain looking” and “didn’t stand out at all”. Lovely first impression. Of course, it’s not impossible for a romance subplot to start with the love interest not finding the hero attractive. The aforementioned Pride and Prejudice, for instance, starts with Darcy calling Eliza “tolerable, but not handsome enough to tempt me.” But within two chapters he’s gushing about her “fine eyes”.

200+ chapters later, and Ochaco still hasn’t said a word about finding Deku more attractive now. Now, she could, hopefully some day, realize that she no longer finds him plain, and that she’s grown to find him attractive. Say something about those big green eyes or his fearless smile. Something personal, like he has yet to say about her, to express that she finds him appealing. But nothing yet.

Uraraka giving Deku her points, from her POV, is I think motivated just as much by pride as it is by gratitude. She got into that scenario because she was pinned down, and she probably feels like it was her fault. It would be kind of creepy, actually, if she was willing to throw her own chances under the bus for someone she just met because she liked him or was in love with him - Misa Amane levels of love-at-first-sight co-dependency. Uraraka doing this because of her own pride seems more fitting to me, more in line with the character we get to know later on.

EG:

She feels she messed up, and took someone else down with her, and as such has to make things better. Thankfully, Deku pulled through on his own. This is one of many sweet scenes where Uraraka offers Deku a great deal of love and support. But sadly, it’s a very lopsided bond in that regard. Outside of this moment, Deku never does anything crazy to protect Uraraka again, and rarely shows her the same kind of support. Not because he doesn’t want to, per se, but because she won’t let him (if you want the full details on that imbalance, skip to the Sports Fest arc section).

Quirk Apprehension Test Arc:

Uraraka’s POV: We continue the pattern of Uraraka’s crush on Deku being something she’s told to drop here, with Aizawa telling her if she’s “just here to make friends” she can go home (take a shot).

She’s happy to see Deku and supportive of him when he does OK, worried for him when he’s hurt, and in general a good friend. At this point in the series, we’re not privy to her inner thoughts, so there’s not as much to say about her feelings here. The only thing of note is the other general pattern of their relationship, wherein Uraraka gets to be supportive of and worried for Deku, but not him for her. Her revising of the name Deku is more important from his POV.

Deku’s POV: Deku shows continuing attraction to Uraraka here, thinking that she “looks good in her uniform” and blushing around her. However, he quickly moves on to overcoming the Quirk App Test and doesn’t think about her much throughout the rest of the arc.

She comes up to him later and calls him ‘Deku’, like Bakugo did, and reframes the nickname as a positive thing. The setup seems clear: Ochaco is to be the friend to Deku that Bakugo never was, the kind and supportive ally he lacked back in middle school. This scene makes me smile.

Which would be fine if that’s what they went with, but…

Battle Trial Arc:

This arc starts out so well for Izu/Ocha, then goes down hill fast.

Deku on Ochaco here: Deku thinks she looks good in her uniform, blushing around her, and expressing a desire to impress her when they’re put on the same team.

They’re up against Bakugo, and he’s nervous. When Ochaco asks, he starts talking about how Greatamazingawesomesuperspecialwhatever Bakugo is and how he wants to beat him.

He then apologizes to Ochaco for getting her caught up in his problems, indicating that he doesn’t see her as being part of them. Even though Ochaco proclaims them to be a team, he doesn’t do much strategizing with her ahead of time. He gets very caught up in his match with Bakugo, and doesn’t bother working with her until Bakugo has him cornered and nearly drops him with the MegaBlast. Then, he calls her and comes up with a plan - but imagine if he’d actually worked together with Ochaco to beat Bakugo.

If he’d guessed, as he says, that Bakugo was planning to “come at him first”, then why not get Uraraka to grab Bakugo while he’s distracted and zero G him out of the building?

Because Deku wants to beat Bakugo to prove himself, plain and simple. He’s known Bakugo longer, so it’s only natural he’s more interested in beating him than working with Uraraka. But this could have gone so much better for him if he took the time to work with Ochaco instead - if they’d tag-teamed Kacchan, Deku might not have had to break his arm.

He does salvage this a little by taking the new version of his name Uraraka came up with. But then Deku spends the rest of the arc ignoring her instead of working with her.

There’s even an oddly placed panel sequence where she blows off a flirtatious Kaminari to worry about Deku, and he then blows her off to go chase after Bakugo and clear up their misunderstanding. It’s probably just a coincidence, but it’s still a weird parallel.

And speaking of this scene, let’s talk about a bigger concern with Izu/Ocha (from Deku’s angle) that I have. Deku has a secret identity. He has a past as a quirkless kid, a history of insecurity, and a secret chosen one destiny that burdens him greatly. He needs his future partner to be someone he can talk to about all this. If I were him, and I had to choose among the kids at UA who I’d tell my troublesome secret ID to, who I’d want to confide in, I’d probably say 1. Uraraka, 2. Iida, 3. Shoto, 4. Literally every single other character Deku is friends with and finally, bottom of the list, Bakugo. Yet Deku chooses to tell Bakugo his secret identity, not Uraraka or anyone nicer who would be presumably more trustworthy. Now, in hindsight (SPOILERS IF YOU’RE NOT CAUGHT UP YET), Deku doing this has paid off. Bakugo knows his secret and he’s kept it. He’s been a supportive friend to him since then, especially post JTA, everything a good secret keeper should be. But Deku - and especially the audience - didn’t know that at the time. (SPOILERS DONE).

And Deku can’t be with Uraraka if she doesn’t know his secret identity. That’s one of the Laws of Superhero Romance Comics. Spider-Man could never be with Gwen or Black Cat, for instance, because they hated his alter ego. He married MJ because she liked both. And Horikoshi is a big fan of Spidey, so he must know this. Deku has to tell Uraraka about OFA if he’s going to be with her. But he hasn’t, and he hasn’t shown any inclination to.

The setup is there for him to tell others; Todoroki asked about his powers, Tsuyu compared him to All Might. They could figure it out, they could tell Deku they know, or he could tell them, like he tried to tell Kota his personal stories, to make them feel better. There’s a mechanism in place for him to tell either one of them. But not Uraraka. She’s never asked about it, he’s got no interest in telling her. And as long as she doesn’t know the Secret, she can’t be with Deku. This isn’t, BTW, me making a manifesto for any of those ships over Izuocha. I don’t think for a second that any of those pairings will happen in the series. Only that if Deku is to be with Uraraka, he has to find a reason to tell her about OFA, or their relationship will be all kinds of messed up.

Also, FYI, Tsu, Todoroki, Bakugo, and even Iida have looked at and noticed enough about Deku to guess at least this, the most fundamentally important thing to know about Deku: That he’s close to All Might and his powers are similar. But not Ochaco. Does she honestly know anything important about Deku? Like how he grew up quirkless for so long, how All Might inspired his dream, how he wants to live up to the expectations of others and save people with a smile? No, not yet. He’s never told her anything personal, outside of this one little anecdote in this arc about wanting to beat Bakugo.

Uraraka’s POV:

Uraraka is happy to be working with Deku, but initially not all that excited about winning the fight. She just wants to relax, and is surprised to see how stressed he is.

Then Deku talks about how he wants to beat Bakugo, and she becomes more proactive. Nonetheless, she still basically just follows his lead this arc.

She takes no initiative on her own: She doesn’t go to grab Bakugo when he’s attacking Deku, she stands around giggling on the phone while trying to sneak up on Iida, and Momo criticizes her for it.

She thinks to herself about Deku wanting to win when Iida outfoxes her. She doesn’t seem like she wants to win the Trial for her own sake, just Deku’s. And this is a problem for Uraraka. (take a shot)

Momo criticizes everyone but Iida in this match, and all three characters who messed up did so because they were too fixated on someone else. Deku on beating Bakugo. Bakugo on beating Deku. Uraraka on impressing Deku. Iida, for instance, also admires Midoriya - but he’s able to concentrate on the match and fight Uraraka anyway. That’s why he’s MVP, as Momo and All Might put it.

So we set up Uraraka’s over-fixation on Deku as being a problem she has to overcome, a flaw - like Bakugo’s obsession with beating Deku, Iida’s obsession with killing Stain, Todoroki’s obsession with hurting his father, or Momo’s feelings of inadequacy next to Shoto, it’s framed like a flaw she has to overcome to do better. Of the dynamics here, only Deku’s admiration of/determination to beat Bakugo is not framed as a flaw per se, since he still has it to this day and seems to benefit from it. I’ll elaborate on why I think that is later on in the essay - it has to do with the “Imitation is the Sincerest Form of Tragedy” theme - but overall, this doesn’t paint a good picture of Ochaco’s feelings for Midoriya. They’re framed as something she has to put away in order to do well. (take a shot)

Class Rep mini-arc:

This is another score for Izu/Ocha. Ochaco voted for Deku as class Rep. She never tells him about it, though. I’m not sure why. Iida told him. Todoroki tells Momo later on that he voted for her. Ochaco could be gearing up for telling Deku herself, dramatically, later on, but what would that prove?

Deku already knows she admires him, he turned down the class rep role later anyway. This isn’t like Momo and Shoto, where Momo stayed Deputy Rep and never heard a compliment from Todoroki before he told her he voted for her. In that case, the Class Rep thing showed Momo Shoto believed in her, helping her get her confidence back. But Deku already knows Ochaco believes in him. Iida telling him also helped him out - it showed him he had friends who believed in him. Ochaco’s given reason for keeping her vote to herself is Bakugo’s little temper tantrum about it. But Bakugo wasn’t at the table when Iida told Deku the truth, so why couldn’t she have told Deku then? I really don’t get why she keeps her vote to herself; I don’t see how this will do anything for Deku later on down the line, or for Uraraka. It shows she’s supportive of him and admires him, but we already knew that. I’m just not sure how to parlay this into future developments with them.

USJ Arc

Deku and Ochaco don’t talk to each other at all during this arc. They get separated quickly and don’t reunite. They don’t worry about each others’ safety during the battle. After it’s over Ochaco asks after Deku because he broke his limbs, but during the fight she doesn’t worry about him or look for him. There’s only one moment I find noteworthy for Izu/Ocha during this arc: Deku wondering “What would Kacchan do” before jumping off the boat. This type of remark, like Iida’s “What would by brother or Midoriya do” during the class rep arc, is about a platonic friend (well, rival in this case), not a love interest. So Uraraka’s “what would Deku do” being code for “I like him” doesn’t really add up. I’ll get to that later.

Sports Festival Arc

Deku’s POV: Deku asks Uraraka about her motivation at the beginning of this arc, in Chapter 22. Uraraka admits that it’s for the money, and while Deku mentally thinks that this is admirable, he doesn’t say anything complimentary out loud, or anything other than “it’s surprising”. Contrasted with Iida’s loud, uproarious applause of Ochaco’s motive, this doesn’t come across as all that supportive of his friend, even though he does not, in fact, think the less of her for it.

On top of that, Deku at this point in the arc is struggling to get motivated himself. Later on he’ll call Todoroki out for not trying his best, and he’s clearly thinking of people like Uraraka, Shinso, Bakugo and Iida when he does so. But at this point, he does the same thing towards her that he calls Shoto out for.

He doesn’t get inspired by her words, or All Might’s, or anyone’s, until he overhears Bakugo make an offhand comment about ‘aiming for the top’. Then he gets into the competitive spirit. This kinda creates the impression that Deku is more inspired by his rivals than his love interest. Common issue in Shonen romances, of course; a higher emphasis on the importance of the hero’s main rivalry than his Official Girlfriend.

He’s overjoyed when she joins his team, but not because it’s Uraraka - because it’s anyone.

Deku is the person no one wants to team up with here. He would have teamed up with anyone who asked him. It seems odd, knowing Uraraka’s capabilities and quirk, that he didn’t just go up and ask her himself to join his team (Like he does with Iida, and then Tokoyami).

(Edit: I’ve recently rereaed this chapter and found I made a mistake: Deku does say he was planning on asking her. I was just reading a weird translation. Sorry for the mistake - good on Deku!)

During the battle, while he mentally thinks that Uraraka is great, he doesn’t say anything out loud to her. He does, however, loudly compliment Hatsume and Tokoyami, in front of her. This hurts Uraraka’s feelings, but I’ll get to that in her section.

Deku gets busy with his rivals for a while until his first match is over. While watching the rest, he mentions to Uraraka that he wrote about her Zero Gravity in his notebook. But he doesn’t say “I think your Zero Gravity is cool too” or anything complimentary, just “I wrote about it” like everyone else’s.

To Deku’s credit, he seems to realize that he hasn’t been very supportive to Uraraka. The anime cut this from the Manga, but the manga has a scene where Deku notices her leaving, and her pensive expression. This leads to him going to the prep room to offer her his strategy to beat Bakugo.

I think this is a big deal for Deku, because at the end of the day, this is his entire motivation. Helping people. Being there for others. Deku is a wonderful, supportive friend, used to feeling weak and inadequate and wanting to help others the way they helped him. He needs a partner he can support and compliment, someone he can help, someone who needs saving.

But Uraraka denies him this. He offers her his help and support, and she rejects him - for her own reasons, but this still leaves Deku feeling lesser.

“She’s the one supporting me,” he muses before his match with Todoroki. He wanted to be there for her. He wanted to help her break down the wall that is Bakugo - even if she didn’t use his strategy, she could have listened to his knowledge of Bakugo, who he’s known his whole life, to pick up some tips on his weaknesses.

But she doesn’t. She also refuses to let Deku be there for her when she loses. He can tell that her cheerfulness is just hiding her disappointment. But since she’s refusing to let him in, he can’t be the shoulder for her to cry on. He wanted to. He was willing to be that person for her - to be the friend she can talk to about her issues, to cheer her on when she fought and help her up when she’s feeling down.

But she rejected his support, just like everyone else does.

Bakugo rejected his helping hand as a kid. Iida rejected working with him earlier that same day, and rejects his support later on with his brother. Todoroki declares he ‘isn’t here to make friends’ and spends most of the sports Fest rejecting Deku’s attempts to help him (“You’re helping your opponent? Now which of us is screwing around”).

Deku clearly wants to be that friend. He wants to be there for the people in his life and offer his boundless love and emotional support for them. And I think he needs a partner in life who will let him be there for them. If Uraraka is to be that person, she has to let him in. She has to put aside her pride (yes, I think it is pride) and accept Deku supporting her, just as she supported him. She has to open up to him and cry in front of him. The others I mentioned have - Bakugo cried in front of Deku twice, Iida accepted his help during the Hero Killer arc, Todoroki accepts him in the very next episode. Three characters far crustier, prouder and more antagonistic towards Deku have all put aside their pride and let him help them with their issues. It’s Ochaco’s turn.

Speaking of: From Uraraka’s perspective. When Uraraka admits her motivation to Deku and Iida, she’s looking away, scratching her head, and apologizing. She says, in the dub “You two have such admirable motivations. I hope you don’t think less of me now.” Uraraka feels ashamed to admit her motivation to Deku and Iida.

When the obstacle race ends, she announces “I’m so jealous of you!” to Deku, after he comes in first. And I think she is - jealous of him.

She teams up with Deku for the Cavalry Battle, and later admits that she “Might have been relying on (him) to get by”, meaning that she sees Deku as being better than her.

She gets very jealous of the attentions Deku gives Hatsume - as I noticed before, Deku compliments everyone but Ochaco. He even found the time to compliment Bakugo in front of her during the Battle Trial arc - but to her face, nothing. And this plays on Uraraka’s insecurities. Deep down, despite her cheerful demeanor, Uraraka isn’t very self-confident (at least, not yet). She doesn’t believe in herself, she doesn’t have faith in herself to succeed. She’s even more insecure than Deku, and often tries too hard to be “just like him” to her own self-detriment. Watching everyone else’s matches, she admits to being ashamed of herself. She realizes she needs to try and succeed on her own, not by relying on Midoriya. (take a shot)

But at the same time, her goal is still essentially to be “Just like Deku”. What’s the one thing Ochaco knows Deku wants to do, besides be a great hero? Beat Bakugo. No coincidence she was fighting him in this tournament. To be just like Deku, she has to beat his rival, who she’s seen him fight before. Uraraka wants to be good enough, she wants to beat Deku - in a way, her motive and behavior here is not that different from Iida’s, Bakugo’s or Todoroki’s. Deku makes her insecure, so she tries to do better than him.

She declares herself a rival to him. She refuses his help - seriously, a few pointers on how to beat Bakugo couldn’t hurt, she even thinks about Deku’s earlier moves while fighting him anyway! - and tries to win it all by herself. And although her plan is great, it doesn’t work.

The minute she thinks “I’ll be just like Deku” is the moment she fails. The moment Bakugo blows up her debris and beats her.

Uraraka is devastated by this. She was crying for so long and so hard that her eyes swelled shut. She could have really used a friend, someone to talk to about her family problems - someone outside of her family drama, a kind and understanding ally like Deku, who can commiserate with her and tell her things’ll be ok.

But she hides her feelings from Deku and pretends she’s fine. I think she doesn’t want to look weak in front of him - she wants him to think she’s cool, to compliment her like he compliments Hatsume and Bakugo, and she’s deeply insecure about appearing anything other than strong. So she shuts him out and cries on her own, with no supportive friend to help her. If she is to be with him, she needs to be able to let him into her life and her heart.

She has to cry in front of him, like all three of his other rivals have done despite their immense pride and far less amiable relationships with Deku. Even Tsu has cried in front of Deku and confessed her feelings (to him and the whole Rescue Squad), and she’s not as close to him as Uraraka or Iida. Why doesn’t Uraraka confide in Deku about her feelings? Again, I think the underlying problem is her hero-worship of him. She thinks he’s amazing, she won’t admit to his flaws (she sees him, one ep/chapter later, destroy his body and lose his match helping Todoroki; you’d think she’d cotton on to his lack of utter flawlessness then, but nope), and she’s still essentially insecure about herself. She needs to learn to believe in her own strengths and admit Deku’s weaknesses. Then she’ll be willing to cry in front of him and listen to his ideas.

But until then, she’s just like all of Deku’s other rivals: Too proud and too envious/afraid of him to accept his love or friendship.

No wonder she was so easily able to spot why Bakugo is insecure about him and guess how he’d feel about being rescued; her complex about Deku is rapidly becoming just as debilitating as his is.

Difference being, Bakugo had his “Deku vs Kacchan 2” moment ,where he and Deku talk out their feelings and move on, recognizing that Deku isn’t looking down on him and never has been, etc. Ochaco needs that moment too (probably without the big fight scene, though).

Hero Killer Arc:

From Deku’s perspective, he chooses his hero name based on Ochaco’s advice. This is something we see with other characters too - Eraserhead and Mic, Mirio and Tamaki - who are friends, so it’s all good. It seems to have a nice spin: Ochaco taking Deku’s flaws, the traits Bakugo mocked, and turning them into a positive. Ochaco supporting Deku. Nice. She smiles about it.

He seems surprised that she took an internship with Gunhead, confused that she’s more into action now (I guess he’ll have to revise his notebook!).

He talks to her on the phone after the Incident goes down, having texted all his friends for help and worried her. He again (for the last time) get’s excited over her in a sexual/romantic way, and once again it’s “I talked to A GIRL on the phone” instead of “I talked to Uraraka on the phone”. He’s attracted to her as a girl, but not excited about talking to the girl he has a crush on. Following this arc, Deku stops responding to Uraraka romantically, even when CamieRaka loses her clothes. I’ve got a theory about why he stops, I’ll discuss it next arc.

Uraraka, for her part, looks pleased when Deku takes her name. She interns with Gunhead because of her match with Bakugo, to get stronger, which is good for character development - I like that this isn’t because of Deku, because I don’t want her arc to revolve around him solely.

She calls him, concerned, after the Stain incident, and tells Gunhead that they’re “not like that” when he teases her about it being a boy. This is the first of many people telling Uraraka that she has something going on with Deku, rather than Uraraka figuring it out herself. Uraraka’s denial is not really defensive or Edward Elric Style “She is NOT my girlfriend” levels, so honestly at this point I believe her. Up until this arc, she doesn’t see her feelings for Deku as romantic. She sees him as a friend who she admires and is often jealous of.

Final Exams:

This is where things get weird. So far, Izu/Ocha has been pretty nicely built up - but then the series decided to go for it in a way that I personally find rather strange and confusing.

So first, let’s take this arc from Deku’s POV. The scenes of Izu/Ocha watching the fights are Anime Only, so we’ll skip those. In the Manga they all take place at the same time. After Deku and Kacchan v All Might, Deku goes to watch the other battles, including Uraraka’s. He doesn’t have any onscreen reaction to Ochaco’s fight, even though we get to hear him mentally exclaiming about how awesome Iida is, or Tsuyu is. Ochaco’s his friend too, why can’t he spare a moment to fanboy over her martial arts skills?

Anyway, later on they’re left alone at the mall, though not by choice. Deku starts making small talk and Uraraka runs away from him, saying “Have to keep the pests away” or something like that. Deku asks “I’m a bug?/“You mean me?”. So from Deku’s POV, Ochaco flat out called him a pest right here. To him, it must have sounded like she was rejecting him, rejecting the idea of hanging out with him one-on-one (which in the Manga they haven’t done before).

He’s immediately attacked by Shigaraki; when she returns he does his best to prevent her from getting hurt. Nothing really advances, from Deku’s POV, in their dynamic at this point. The only real notable thing is the “I’m a pest” line. Since Deku never reacts romantically to Ochaco after this, I’m assuming that he thinks she’s not interested in him that way. That right here, she shut down the idea of dating him, and he just accepts it.

Of course, it’s Ochaco’s POV that’s important here. As she’s about to get sucked up by 13, she’s thinking “What would Deku do?”

Now, we’ve heard these lines in a non-romantic context before. Iida wondered what Deku or Tensei would do when he helped disperse the crowd. Deku wondered what Kacchan would do during the USJ arc. He wondered what a “hero” would do when he saved Bakugo from the sludge monster. This sentiment is not exclusive to romance in the show.

But Aoyama then chooses this moment to ask Ochaco if she ‘likes him’. This is completely out of nowhere. Aoyama is later revealed to have a bit of a friendship-crush on Deku, but why is he asking this of Uraraka, in this situation? It’s not like her girlfriends later on teasing her about liking Deku, it’s a guy she doesn’t know who doesn’t know Deku very well either, all of a sudden asking her if she has feelings for him. I don’t, for the life of me, understand what his purpose was in doing this. How does this help them win? Why is he painted half-in-shadow when he says this? It feels like it happens because we need Ochaco to realize she likes Deku, because the audience needs to be shocked, not because it makes sense for the characters. Which is so strange, because it’s one of the only times that ever happens in HeroAca. For the most part, the characters always act in ways that make sense, no matter how extreme they are.

Uraraka freaks out, and thinking about liking Deku nearly gets her killed fighting 13 (take a shot). It isn’t until she re-focuses, on something she attained free of Deku’s influence, that she gets to win. Trying too hard to be like Deku, for Uraraka, leads to nothing good.

Then, at the mall, she runs away from him. She refuses to spend time with him - which seems strange if she’s meant to fall in love with him. If she wants to be with him, why doesn’t she want to, you know, be with him? Well, because she does’t want to be with him. If she did, she could easily ask him out (they are friends, after all), spend time with him, see if there’s something there. But she doesn’t.

She runs off, almost horrified at the mere thought of having a crush on Deku. Of having a perfectly harmless, cute crush on one of her best friends. That just seems strange to me. Yes, love can be intimidating, but this is so extreme.

Another odd thing about this sequence is that it’s juxtaposed with Shigaraki holding Deku hostage. We flip back and forth between the Big Bad nearly killing the Hero, and the Romantic Subplot.

Imagine if that scene in Fullmetal Alchemist where Winry realizes she loves Ed was crosscut with scenes of Ed fighting Gluttony or something, and you get the idea. It’s a tonal mishmash. Unless - unless you theorize that the idea of liking Deku is as terrifying to Uraraka as being nearly murdered by Shigaraki is for Deku. But if that’s the case, I don’t want her to be with him! I don’t want her to be in a relationship that scares her that much. (I also don’t get why it would scare her that much - like, girl, Deku’s a sweetheart, what do you have to be afraid of?). The series could salvage this, but it already kinda tainted their romance in my eyes - and to many readers as well, since it seemed like such an odd way to introduce the love story into the occasion. Instead of a joyous moment of romance, this is what we got.

Training Camp Arc:

There isn’t a lot in this arc between Izu and Ocha. Izuku includes her in his list of classmates he’s worried about, popping up in the anime second after Bakugo (who is immediately in danger because of kidnapping) and along side Todoroki.

He works with her and Tsu to save Bakugo - or at least try. Other than that, there’s nothing (the scene of them blushing is only in the anime).

On Ochaco’s side, nothing happens until she fights Toga. Toga starts interrogating her about her crush on Deku, in her Hannibal Lecture style - villain getting into the hero’s head and provoking them with their insecurities. Himiko Toga is Uraraka’s villainous foil - her counterpart, the evil version of her.

Both do develop a crush on Deku, which is very disturbing if Deku and Ochaco are meant to be a couple, as well as her adoration of Stain. It’s not like Toga is going to marry Stain or whatever; so the comparison of their two brands of love is odd (at least, if Izuocha is meant to be endgame).

Toga’s words are right on the money: Uraraka admires Deku and wants to be just like him, but to be just like someone you have to do as Toga does - kill and replace. This gets to Uraraka, because it’s true. Her crush on Deku then, is not being framed as genuine love, but as a similar obsession to Himiko Toga’s - a desire to be just like someone she admires, rather than be together with a good friend she adores. Which is frustrating, because the latter is the kind of relationship I want from Izuocha, not the former. I don’t want Ochaco to get with Deku because she hero-worships him and thinks he’s amazing - I want her to get with him because they’re good friends and she loves him. But that’s not what the series is doing with them, and with the parallels to Toga, it’s starting to really creep me out.

One route they could take with all this foreshadowing, of course, is perhaps one similar to what happened in Gravity Falls, with Dipper and Wendy. In that series, Dipper like Ochaco has an evil villainous counterpart Yandere - Gideon Gleeful. Toga and Gideon both stalk and harass their crush, who clearly says no and means no. Dipper and Ochaco both harbor a crush on someone who’s a close friend, but who seems to be for whatever reason romantically unavailable to them. (Wendy is older, Deku is…I’m not sure why, Ochaco just won’t ask him, it’s frustrating). Dipper eventually reveals his crush on Wendy, who lets him down easy and stays good friends with him. Dipper later uses that understanding of himself, and of Gideon’s obsession, to tell Gideon he can’t make someone like him. This helps Gideon reform. The whole thing is beautifully healthy and positive.

So if that’s where we’re going with this - an ending where everyone’s just friends, and Ochaco’s crush on Deku is being used to develop her character a bit regardless of romance, then this would make sense. If not then I don’t get it.

Hideout Raid Arc:

There are two interactions between Ochaco and Deku (indirect ones) during the Hideout Raid Arc. One is Kirishima relaying Uraraka’s worries about saving Bakugo, the other is Uraraka getting the Rescue Squad to apologize to Tsuyu. Both of them are really bad warning signs for their future relationship.

The simple reason is: Uraraka thinks Deku and co did the wrong thing, Deku thinks he did the right thing. Deku has never apologized for or expressed any regret for breaking the rules to save Bakugo. Uraraka, however, objected to them doing this. This is very interesting for both of their relationships with Bakugo, and their thoughts on heroism. But let’s talk about why this is a problem for Izuocha. Uraraka didn’t agree with Deku’s decision here. She has her own reasons for it - “Bakugo wouldn’t want to be rescued” -but she doesn’t bring them up in front of Deku. The thing is, Deku was on the fence about going. If Uraraka had brought up her objection, I think Deku might have actually listened to her. It’s the best objection to persuade him, because it takes Bakugo’s needs into consideration. But Uraraka didn’t bring it up to him. She didn’t say anything to Deku. From Uraraka’s POV, that’s a problem for her relationship with him, because it means she doesn’t want to say something that will upset him. She’s never had a serious argument with him, never objected out loud to his choices, even when she disagrees with them, and never had an argument with him where they came to a compromise or understanding about an important issue. Instead, she brings up her objection out of Deku’s hearing, and he hears about it secondhand. Uraraka doesn’t want to upset Deku, even about something important to her.

From Deku’s perspective, even though he knows Uraraka, his love interest, disagrees with what he’s doing, he does it anyway. He doesn’t care. He keeps Uraraka’s objection in mind, but only as it pertains to saving Bakugo. He never thinks about how Uraraka will feel about him going against her wishes, never considers her at all. He does consider his mother’s objections, even Tsuyu’s. But Uraraka’s objection, ultimately, only affects him insofar as it means he thinks of Bakugo’s feelings when saving him. And he never apologizes for doing so.

Later on, when Uraraka gathers everyone together to apologize to Tsu, Deku is the only one of the five who never actually says sorry (going by the anime here, since the manga is ambiguous about who’s speaking). Uraraka’s speech makes it clear that she didn’t agree with their choice and thinks they screwed up, but just wants to forgive them and go back to normal. But Deku doesn’t apologize for what he did. Iida, Kirishima, Momo, Todoroki - all people Uraraka is less intimate with than Deku - all apologize to Tsuyu, as Ochaco asks. But not Deku. Because Deku doesn’t agree with her. He doesn’t think he was wrong.

The question of whether or not to go charging in, even against the rules, to save someone, is a big one hanging over the heads of all these characters. It’s Captain America Civil War style big. Something that could split people apart permanently if they can’t agree about it. And not only do Deku and Ochaco not agree on this issue, they haven’t had any conversation about it with each other. They need to be able to discuss this and find common ground before they become a couple.

License Exam Arc:

This one is obviously important for Izu/Ocha. It ends with Ochaco deciding to ‘put her feelings away’.

So let’s start with this Arc from Deku’s POV on Ochaco: He talks to her casually at the beginning before Hatsume explodes out of the shop, but focuses entirely on crafting his ultimate move from there on out.

We don’t see Uraraka inspiring his move, that’s Hatsume and Iida, or his realization that he’s imitating All Might (that’s All Might himself).

Deku does, however, recognize TogaChaco as not being Ochaco, showing that he knows her well.

He rescues TogaChaco because she’s a person in danger, thinking about his inability to rescue Bakugo from the villains and his general motivation, not how much he cares for Ochaco.

He knows Ochaco well enough to tell the difference, but this is Deku we’re talking about - he’s very attentive to details about others. I fully believe he would be able to tell a TogaIida from the real one, or Todoroki, Bakugo, Tsuyu, Hatsume, All Might…the list goes on, but there are very few characters who Deku doesn’t take detailed notes on or amass details about, and therefore couldn’t recognize the difference. What I’m saying is that Deku would do the same for any friend; he doesn’t distinguish Ochaco here.

He works with her and Sero to win the day, and spends the rest of the arc focused on his goals, with no thoughts to spare for Ochaco, and no interest in the cute girl pursuing him (Camie) outside of her quirk for studying. It comes across like Deku has put away any interest in romance in the name of pursuing his goals. He doesn’t distinguish Uraraka at all, as anything more than just another one of his friends.

From Ochaco’s POV, she becomes jealous of Hatsume once more - but fails to notice, for instance, that Hatsume’s behavior is making Deku uncomfortable. She’s jealous of Hatsume for being more confident, driven, and demonstrative than she is, but if she was paying closer attention to Midoriya, she’d probably notice that he’s freaked out by Hatsume feeling him up; there’s no real reason for her to be jealous of Mei in regards to Deku, because Deku isn’t any closer to Mei than he is to her. But Ochaco, here and many other places, doesn’t really take the time to observe and notice Midoriya, outside of a surface level. That’s why she hero-worship’s him so badly.

I’d recommend any HeroAca fan to check out this fascinating fan essay, “Imitation is the Sincerest Form of Tragedey”, (link: https://www.reddit.com/r/BokuNoHeroAcademia/comments/5n21a9/imitation_is_the_sincerest_form_of_tragedy_a_boku/ ) to get a good understanding of what’s going on with Ochaco in relation to Deku, without ship bias getting in the way. It’s an excellent read, touching on many characters and plot points. The key takeaway about Uraraka is that she has a pattern of imitating Deku, and screwing up because of it, without getting that narrative punishment that will act as a kick in the pants to motivate her to stop hero-worshipping him.

I think that, since we do see Deku imitating Bakugo and Gran Torino’s moves for Full Cowl with no problem, and other smaller instances, the secret is not that you can never admire someone and strive to learn from them - but rather that you can imitate someone, as long as you don’t hero-worship them. Ochaco’s issue, along with Deku’s, Shoto’s, Iida’s, etc, is that she sees the person she wants to be like as perfect and refuses to acknowledge their flaws. Ochaco admires Deku and wants to be like him - even though she’s seen first hand how Deku’s brand of heroism lands him in the hospital more often than not, how Deku can be overly analytical, deeply insecure and makes mistakes like anyone else - but we don’t see her acknowledge this. She thinks Deku’s amazing, perfect, like he admires All Might, Iida Tensei, Shoto his mom, etc. The reason Deku is able to imitate Kacchan and Gran Torino’s moves without being harmed, like every other imitator, is because he thinks Gran Torino is kind of weird, but skilled, and Kacchan is a jerk, but awesome. He can admire their strengths, and acknowledge their flaws. Therefore, he can imitate their moves without striving to be Just Like Them. Uraraka needs to recognize Deku’s flaws, if she wants to imitate his strengths without feeling bad about herself.

Once again Ochako’s feelings are brought up to her by someone else, and cause her a lot of distress. This time it’s Mina, who acknowledges that she wants to MAKE it be about love.

Just like with Gunhead and Aoyama telling Ochako her feelings for Deku are romantic in nature. Mina admits she’s trying to make a romance happen, rather than just letting one develop on it’s own. Her words cause Uraraka a lot of distress, and Momo and Tsuyu point out that this won’t help her (take a shot).

As she watches Deku from a distance, (the anime adds the Admiring All Might music track to this scene), her feelings for him are paralleled with Midoriya’s admiration of heroes, specifically Iida. Keeping in with the Imitation theme, Ochako’s feelings for Midoriya are once again paralleled with admiration of famous heroes people want to imitate, not romantic love. It’s Mina, Aoyama and Gunhead who are telling Ochako she likes Deku, not Ochako figuring it out for herself.

Uraraka once again gets jealous of a girl who Deku doesn’t want. Deku gives lots of signs that he’s creeped out by Camie’s attentions - when Kaminari and Mineta ask him about it, he says firmly that he found it creepy. If Uraraka was really paying attention to Deku’s feelings, she’d realize that he’s not interested in Camie.

Imagine, for instance, this scene with the genders reversed. Our heroine is getting felt up and creeped on by a male villain. Her fellow superhero boyfriend arrives on the scene; the male villain leaves, speaking ominously about the connection between the two of them. Later on, other girls get jealous about the hot male villain waving at our heroine, and she makes it clear that she’s uncomfortable about it.

The boyfriend ignores her discomfort and gets jealous and possessive about her being around another man. Doesn’t something seem wrong here? It’s the setup we see from many ‘Nice guy’ narratives, but gender flipped. The guy seems to see the girl like a possession that belongs to him, angry that she’s daring to be touched by another boy, not that another guy is refusing to respect her space. Uraraka’s jealousy is not routed in love for Midoriya, but insecurity about herself. She feels less than, when she sees other girls around him, and doesn’t bother to observe whether she’s actually in danger of losing him to them.

This scene is more than a little weird, since it seems like Camie is setting up her future to prey on the trust between the two to her own advantage. Again, Izuku and Ochako’s bond is being framed in a negative light.

Uraraka decides, upon seeing Deku psych himself up to win, that she needs to put away her feelings for him. This is part of the pattern in Uraraka’s story. (take a shot) Focusing on Deku leads to her losing. Uraraka says here, that she doesn’t think she can have a relationship with Deku and be a hero. She puts her feelings away, because she feels they don’t help her. Unlike other duos in the series, other romantic parings from other narratives, Uraraka feels that her feelings for Deku don’t benefit her goals. If they’re to be a couple, then, Uraraka needs to feel like she can be a better hero by being with Deku, than by being away from him.

Internship, Culture Fest, Pro Hero arcs:

From the time Ochaco ‘puts her feelings away’, until recently in the JTA, Ochaco’s crush on Deku is not mentioned. The internship arc teams up Tsuyu and Uraraka with Deku and Kiri to save Eri. But instead of letting Deku and Ochaco fight and bond together over this shared experience - we’re given nothing. Deku doesn’t tell her anything about his issues with Mirio and Nighteye. Or even Eri. Ochaco doesn’t talk to Deku, outside of group scenes with exposition, about much of anything.

The ending of the arc has a good setup for an emotional bonding scene with Izu/Ocha - Ochaco was the one to rescue Nighteye, but he still died, and he’s Izuku’s mentor. We could have had a scene of them bonding over losing this guy, which Ochaco blames herself for and Deku blames himself for. Similar to like, Deku and Bakugo fighting over feeling responsible for All Might’s End, or Iida and Deku bonding over Stain. But, you know, more romantic in nature.

But nope, we get nothing. Ochaco angsts over Nighteye dying, and goes on this emotional journey without Deku’s input. She chooses to confide these feelings in Aizawa and Tsuyu, but not in Midoriya. Deku, at least, has the excuse of being unable to talk about OFA with other people, but Uraraka could have told him about her problems, and he an abbreviated version like he did with Kota about being quirkless. But instead, we get nothing. No bonding between our official couple at all.

The other thing of note in the Internship arc is Toga!Deku. Toga impersonates Deku and decoys Team Ryukyu into the fight. If Toga’s intentions had been harmful, instead of getting revenge on Overhaul, this could have been really bad for the good guys, and for Ochaco in particular. She doesn’t realize that Toga! Deku is not the real Deku, even though Toga does give her a clear ‘tell’ - calling her ‘Uraraka’ and not ‘Uravity’. But unlike Deku, who realized Toga!Chaco wasn’t the real Ochaco, Ochaco can’t tell the difference.

If I were to read this as deliberate, it seems to be implying that Ochaco can’t tell the difference between her idea or image of Deku, and the real thing. But since they’re supposed to be a couple, it’s just plain weird. It’s a brief moment, but if Toga had been trying to hurt them, Ochaco’s feelings for Deku might have gotten her in trouble - again. (take a shot).

Then, from the end of the Internship arc to the Joint Training Arc, Deku and Ochaco don’t talk to each other at all. They go to Nighteye’s funeral with the internship kids - and no conversation about their respective issues with him at all.

They’re in the group hanging with Eri during the Culture Fest - but no one-on-one interaction at all. He hangs with Mirio, she with Tsu and Nejire. No interactions during the Pro-Hero arc.

At the start of the JTA, one quick reminder that Ochaco is jealous of Mei still, which she punches herself to get rid of. That’s it.

Joint Training Arc: So Close Yet So Far

Reading this arc, I thought “Finally, we’re finally getting the ball rolling with putting these two together.” It’s such a familiar setup, so common to action romances, straight from the ATLA playbook: The hero’s powers go out of control, the love interest is the only one who can reach them, and with a cute hug they calm the hero down. When Ochaco grabbed on to the out of control Deku, I was expecting something like that in the next chapter: Ochaco saying something like “Come back to me” or “I know you’re in there somewhere” or “I’m with you to the end of the line” or something like that. Ochaco reaching Deku when no one else could, establishing her as his love interest and showcasing their romance.

But that didn’t happen. Ochaco grabs onto Deku, sure, but then she asks Shinso to snap him out of it. It’s Shinso who grabs Deku’s attention, Shinso who does the ‘important trigger phrase to snap hero out of superpower meltdown mode’ thing.

Shinso, who has talked to Deku like 3 times before this scene, not Ochaco, his official love interest and close friend. Once snapped out, Deku protects her briefly before they split up and go their separate ways again, to fight on different turfs.

Afterwards, it looked like Deku was blushing at Ochaco holding him, like she was after Mina’s comment. But on closer inspection, I find that nope - he’s not blushing in the panel after this comment, but does go red when Shinso compliments his prowess. And Ochaco doesn’t get self-conscious about holding him until Mina points it out to her.

She wasn’t thinking about how much she loves Deku when she held him, she was thinking about her parents and her failure to save Nighteye, and her “Who watches the watchmen” ideas.

So instead of a great big Izuocha ship moment, that finally set the romance in motion, we get…I guess, a Shindeku moment? It’s all very confusing. For Uraraka, this moment does seem to show that she’s now capable of being around Deku in battle, without thinking about him or obsessing. It comes across like Ochaco is trying to put her crush away (Like she said before), like she’s gone on this whole personal journey outside of Deku and changed as a person on her own. We have this recurring idea that Ochaco fights better as a hero without Deku around, or without fixating on him, which isn’t promising for them as a couple. (take a shot)

Compare with Todoroki and Momo vs Aizawa, for instance, where they work brilliantly, together, to overcome an opponent neither could face alone. Or the insistence on Deku and Kacchan putting away their rivalry and Deku reaching 8% by competing with Bakugo or helping him. Or Ochaco and Tsuyu making a perfect team fighting others. The narrative is angling Uraraka away from Deku, if she wants to be a good hero, not towards him.

Also, once again, her romantic feelings for him are something she’s told she has by someone else, instead of something she figures out on her own - Mina again.

But earlier this arc, we saw Mina assume that Midnight and All Might were a couple, because they were standing together. Earlier, she said it could be Iida or Deku, because Ochaco hangs around them. I love Ashido, but she’s not the world’s greatest expert on romance, or particularly close to either Uraraka or Deku. So her words, like Aoyama’s, can’t be taken as gospel truth. It really feels like Ochaco is being pushed into feeling romantically for Deku, regardless of her actual feelings towards him, by other people instead of her own heart. I mean, I’m rooting for them, but I want Ochaco to realize she likes Deku because she likes Deku, not because Aoyama and Mina are telling her she does.

Deku shuts Ochaco out of his personal problems - he won’t confide in anyone but All Might and Bakugo about OFA - and doesn’t explain to her anything about his quirk going out of control. And she doesn’t ask. Even Todoroki asked Deku about his quirk going out of control, as did Aizawa and Bakugo. Todo and Baku are Deku’s rivals, but they both asked about his quirk meltdown. Uraraka didn’t. She’s supposed to be his friend, she’s supposed to be in love with him, so why doesn’t she ask about his problems?

Same with her personal journey towards becoming a hero who saves people, the Who Watches the Watchmen hero - Deku isn’t privy to this. She only told two people, Aizawa and Tsuyu. Uraraka has also had this whole personal journey, outside of Deku, which she won’t tell him about or confide in him about. And she doesn’t show any inclination to do so.

Final Review:

The series isn’t over. There’s probably still time to fix all these problems. But the series needs to get started on it right away, because so far we’re just not seeing the elements we need to get Izu/Ocha together.

On Ochaco’s end: We need her to be attracted to Deku, to let him be as supportive to her as she is to him; to see her crush on him as a motivator to be a better hero instead of detrimental to her success, to stop hero-worshipping him and acknowledge his flaws, to talk to him about her problems and cry with him, let him be there for her; let go of her desire to be just like him, see him romantically on her own unprovoked by other people teasing her, enjoy spending time with him one-on-one, have a fight with him that gets properly resolved, defend him from unwanted attentions from girls instead of getting possessively jealous of him, and show at least some curiosity about his life, his secrets, the real him beyond the Great Hero.

On Deku’s side: He needs to show attraction to Uraraka as Uraraka, not just ‘a girl’; to work together with her as a great team to take down an opponent side by side, to loudly admire her for her skills and capabilities like he does for his other friends and rivals, to tell her about his past with OFA and being quirkless and such, to be inspired by her to do better as a hero, to show the kind of crazy, unconditional concern for her he shows everyone else in his life, to actively seek after a romantic relationship with her, talk to her about his problems, to distinguish her in his life from his other friends.

If all that stuff happens, I’ll be happy. If some of it happens, I’ll be ok, but not thrilled. If they stay in this status quo, they’ll fall apart, because this is not the stuff good romance is made of.

#my hero academia #IzuOcha #meta #izuocha meta #midoriya izuku #uraraka ochako #midoriya x uraraka #ochako x izuku #relationships #ship #relationship meta

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