#Otherwise known as the most beautiful thing in existence

[dovesandmagpies]

A weeks worth of jewellery,

#What happens when your job is weather dependent and it rains for four days #Polymer clay #Jewellery #Handmade #Lotr #bagend #fairy aesthetic #Nature #blue goldstone #Otherwise known as the most beautiful thing in existence

[edenesth]

The Way to His Heart [1]

Pairing: general!Seonghwa x wife!reader

AU: arranged marriage au (Joseon era)

Word Count: 3k

Summary: Life has been hell ever since your mother's passing many years ago. Despite being from a prominent family, you've never received the privileges associated with it. It only got worse with the arrival of your stepmother and her daughters. When the intimidating General Park was in search of a wife, your father seized the opportunity to dispose of you, simultaneously securing a connection with the powerful general—killing two birds with one stone.

Teaser | Fic Masterlist | Part 2

Park Seonghwa.

As pretty as it may sound, that name was known across the nation as the intimidating military general trusted by His Majesty, the King, to lead the royal army.

For those who have not had the privilege of encountering him in person, the assumption might be of a rugged and perhaps middle-aged individual, given his extensive experience on the battlefield and high military rank. And those who have met him will know that his beauty was just as deadly.

But there's more to it – his renown extends beyond the confines of martial prowess. The general has garnered a reputation for scaring away all potential marriage candidates. His cold nature isn't limited to the battlefield; it extends to his personal life, affecting even the people closest to him.

In essence, Seonghwa was not a figure most people would look forward to meeting at all. If anything, most tended to avoid him like the plague. His name alone was enough to instil terror, be it in enemies, common folk, or even nobles.

But he was more than fine with it.

The general took pleasure in the fear that gripped anyone crossing his path. He had no interest in being loved or admired. The bloodshed inherent in his job brought him ample satisfaction, and the accompanying title and wealth were merely added perks.

One thing that irked him more than anything else was the King's relentless insistence that he should marry.

You see, he lacked the capacity for love, having grown up devoid of any such affection. All he cared for was his own survival. He understood, more than anyone, that trust was a rare commodity on this earth. Those close to him always harboured their own motives. The concept of genuine love or care was as good as non-existent in his dictionary.

His parents, if they could even be called that, abandoned him by a dumpster outside an orphanage. Born prematurely and deemed likely to die soon, they left him for dead. However, his determination to survive surpassed all expectations. He fought through the years and emerged as the person he is today.

Seonghwa's entire childhood was marked by brawls fighting for survival and to earn a living. But then fate took a turn when a perceptive military soldier scouted him, recognising the untapped potential within.

Rising from the bottom, his borderline cold-blooded character propelled him swiftly up the ranks, achieving remarkable progress within just a couple of years. His notoriety soon echoed in the ears of the King, and almost in the blink of an eye, he ascended to become one of the youngest generals in history.

And that was how he learned, through the hard way, that one would have to be useful in order to be valued. He has seen enough to understand it was a dog-eat-dog world.

The King favoured him solely for his skills, his servants stuck around for the generous pay, and every potential spouse presented to him was merely interested in his wealth or title.

This time would be no different.

"Seonghwa-yah, you're not young anymore, my boy. It's time for you to get married and have a few kids. Otherwise, who would succeed you? It would be such a shame for your bloodline to die with you." His Majesty said, a concerned frown creasing his wrinkled forehead.

The general lowered his head to conceal the smirk on his face. See? That's exactly what he meant. One would be foolish to believe that the King genuinely wanted the best for him; all the old man cared about was ensuring the continuation of his legacy.

Before Seonghwa could present another argument, as he always did, the King raised a hand to halt him, "That's enough; you have rejected all my previous proposed matches and deliberately scared off some of your betrothed as well. I may have been too lenient with you. This time, you will get married, and that's final."

He gripped the hilt of his sword in frustration, "But, your Majesty—"

The King shook his head, "Seonghwa, you will be stripped of your title if you do not cooperate."

That was enough to silence him.

He had worked tirelessly to reach his current position; it would be stupid to jeopardise it all over a refusal to marry. The whole idea seemed utterly outrageous; the old man must be senile to be threatening him over something so trivial.

But what choice did he have?

None.

"Fine, as you wish." The general sighed.

His Majesty's demeanour swiftly changed, breaking into laughter and applause, "Oh, that's wonderful! We already have a perfect candidate for you anyway. The Minister of Military Affairs has offered his eldest daughter's hand. I'm sure she would make a lovely wife for you."

"Has he now? How thoughtful of him."

Seonghwa wasn't stupid; he recognised that the minister harboured resentment regarding his recent ascent in the ranks. The old fool was undoubtedly anxious about preserving his own position and was actively exploring ways to subdue the younger man's progress, going to great lengths just to keep the general from outranking him.

As the assembly with the King concluded that day, Minister Jang was quick to intercept Seonghwa before he could exit the palace, "General Park, I eagerly anticipate our forthcoming union. I assure you, my eldest is a gem; you'll come to adore her." The elder man remarked smugly.

"Oh, I'm sure I will." He sneered, shrugging off the minister's hand before storming off.

Arriving at his estate, a servant approached the general with a tray of tea, "Welcome home, master," Having suppressed his anger for too long, he couldn't hold back any longer. He smacked the tray out of the poor woman's hands, growling, "Get out of my goddamned sight this instant." She bowed repeatedly, apologising profusely as she picked up the tray and the broken cup before scurrying away.

He slammed the door to his study open, nearly scaring the living daylights out of his only trusted aide, Jongho, "S-sir, is everything alright?" The assistant asked tentatively.

Seonghwa grumbled as he kicked his desk aside to sit in his chair, "The King demanded that I get married and even threatened to strip me of my title if I refused. I need you to dig up some information on Minister Jang's family; that man is up to something."

Jongho bowed once and rushed off to do as he was told, "Will do, sir."

Glaring at his desk, he clenched his fists at the thought of his future wife. Considering her hateful father, she likely resembled him. After all, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. He was more than ready to face the likes of her, having successfully scared off a few spoiled brats before.

More unbearable to him than the King's incessant pressure for him to marry was the presence of irritating little pests, manifested in the form of noblewomen from wealthy families—the entitled sort who believed they were superior to everyone else.

All the encounters he had experienced so far were with that particular breed. If given the chance, he would gladly eradicate every single one of those seemingly useless, good-for-nothing individuals. Without a doubt, his wife-to-be would be another one of those insufferable girls.

Be prepared, wife. Life is about to become quite exhilarating for you.

"Gather around, kids. I have news!" Your father announced as he entered the family estate, cheerfully wrapping his arm around his second wife, your stepmother.

"What's going on, father?" Jinah asked, eagerly joining her two sisters, Jinhee and Jinjoo.

The man let out a tired sigh when he realised you were nowhere in sight, "Where is she?"

Jinhee scoffed, "You mean unnie? In her cage, of course. This is a family meeting; why would we need her around?"

The minister directed a nearby servant, "Fetch her to the main hall; I have an announcement to make." The three sisters and their mother exchanged intrigued glances, wondering what this unexpected proclamation could entail.

Staring numbly out of your tiny room window, you ponder the meaning of life. What was the point of being born if every member of your own family shunned you? To be fair, only your father is family; your stepmother and stepsisters are mere outsiders. Yet, even he hasn't bothered to treat you as such.

Your mother might have been the sole person to ever love you, but you couldn't possibly be sure. Unfortunately, she hadn't been alive long enough for you to remember much about her.

Could she have had any love for you, even when she herself lacked affection from her own husband?

That, you'll never know the answer to.

You've heard that your father had no choice but to marry your mother for political reasons and that your stepmother had been his mistress at the time. When your mother finally fell sick and died, he seized the opportunity to marry the harlot and take in all three of her bastard daughters.

Life has been nothing but hell ever since.

No one has treated you like a lady from a noble house; not even the servants were allowed to do so.

All you could remember was pain.

Endless pain all throughout your childhood.

In fact, the pain still persisted until this day, you felt it acutely in the numerous spots on your body, each a testament to the beatings you endured regularly as punishment. And those punishments were often for things you didn't do—blatant lies told by your stepsisters that your father used as an excuse to unleash his wrath.

Excluded from all family activities, even meals, you survived on leftovers and were confined to your quarters with nothing to occupy your time. It felt as if you were treated worse than the estate's servants, receiving only enough sustenance to keep you alive. You were more like a punching bag, there solely for their tormenting pleasure.

No one would acknowledge you in this household. You were as good as dead until one of your family members wished to have some fun, your misery providing the best entertainment.

So, imagine your surprise when you were summoned to the main hall for an announcement. Why does your presence suddenly matter? The curiosity gnaws at you as you reluctantly make your way to the gathering, wondering what twist of fate awaits you this time.

Cowering shamefully, you faced the evident disgust in your stepmother's and stepsisters' eyes as they took in your shabby appearance.

You struggled to figure out where to sit.

Approaching the only available seat next to the youngest, Jinjoo, you trudged over timidly, only for her to intentionally spill her cup of tea on the chair, "Oops! My bad, unnie. I guess you'll have no choice but to stand." You wished the ground would swallow you as everyone around snickered into their fists.

You looked over to your father, hoping he might stand up for you, only for your heart to sink in disappointment as usual when he averted his gaze with a clear of his throat, "Alright, now that you're all here, I have news to share." He announced, leaving you standing awkwardly in the corner, unnoticed and unwanted.

"Something interesting happened at the assembly with His Majesty this morning," Your father announced, capturing everyone's attention. All eyes were on him, eagerly awaiting the big revelation of this announcement, "The King has pressured General Park to marry once again, and this time, he was serious."

You noticed the expressions of your stepsisters turning fearful at the mere mention of the famous general.

"I figured it would be good to establish a connection with the general, considering his powerful standing in the military. So, I offered my daughter's hand to him in marriage."

Your stepsisters all gasped simultaneously.

"Father! How could you do such a thing to us?! Haven't you heard? That general is a monster! He scared off all of his previous fiancées. Do you have any clue how he'll treat us?" Jinah screeched tearfully.

But her mother calmed her with a sly smile, "Oh, you silly girls, why did you think your elder sister is here for?"

Oh.

Remaining rooted to the spot, you took in the shocking news. Your supposed family cheered at the announcement, their excitement palpable.

"Oh, unnie! You're finally making yourself useful for once!" Jinhee laughed, and your father nodded, a smirk playing on his lips, "That's right, my dear. You've always struggled to find a purpose in life, haven't you? Perhaps you'll grow to love your new life with General Park. I'm sure he'll take good care of you."

Everything turned into a blur as they celebrated what felt like your demise. Dismissed to your quarters, you retreated, letting the weight of the information sink in.

You had heard of General Park; how could you not? He was only the most feared person in the entire country.

Perhaps, in a twisted way, that could be a good thing. If he were to end your miserable life once and for all, it might be a mercy for you too.

After all, you had had enough of this life.

On the day you were set to marry Park Seonghwa, you were puzzled to find a group of servants sent to your quarters, armed with some of the finest clothes you'd ever seen, "What is this?" You questioned, eyeing the luxurious garments with scepticism.

The head of the maids sighed, "Young miss, you are marrying as the eldest daughter of Minister Jang. Surely, you have to at least look the part, yes?"

Oh.

That made sense.

Of course, it was all to make your father look good. Who would care about you?

Resigned, you sat like a doll as they worked on enhancing your appearance, transforming you into a vision of refinement. You observed their extra effort to conceal the remnants of bruises and scars from years of torture.

"All done." The head maid declared as they turned you around to face the mirror. As your eyes met your reflection, you failed to recognise the person staring back at you. You hadn't known you were capable of looking... what do they call it? Beautiful?

But this was only temporary.

You couldn't possibly fool the general forever with makeup. Sooner or later, he would see just how ugly and broken you were underneath all these artificial lies. And he, too, will be just as disgusted as everyone else. When that happens, you are mentally prepared for all the possible outcomes.

How much worse could it get?

After all, you had already endured a lifetime of hell. Surely, the torment couldn't be as severe as what you had experienced all these years... right?

One of the elderly servants, always watching you from a distance with pity in her eyes, approached you as the others dispersed. Her frail but warm hand landed on your shoulder as you met her gaze through the mirror.

With a kind smile, she nodded encouragingly, "I hope you find happiness out there, young miss." You didn't know why your eyes grew wet at those words as you watched her leave with the rest. The unexpected warmth in her gesture lingered, and for a moment, a spark of hope ignited within you.

Happiness?

You weren't sure you even knew what that word meant, but perhaps you'll learn the meaning of it outside of these walls. These walls that felt so much like prison all these years, it's almost funny how it was supposed to be your home.

Truthfully, you didn't think you'd ever live to see the day you would be allowed to leave this wretched place. Caged in here all your life, does anyone even know of your existence?

Perhaps not.

Well, now they might.

Heading to the entrance of the Jang estate, you carried little belongings, close to none.

Your family stood around, excited to see you off. The devious smirks on your stepsisters' faces faltered slightly at your transformed appearance before they scoffed, "Who would've thought? Guess you could actually fool someone looking like that. Just wait till he realises how useless you actually are." Jinhee sneered.

But Jinjoo snickered, "Oh, I'm sure she'll be useful in certain ways."

Jinah burst into laughter at the implication, "Oh yes! Give us plenty of nieces and nephews to play with, yeah?"

Your face burned with humiliation as they made fun of you, as they always did, "That is if she's strong enough to survive him in the first place." Your stepmother muttered, chuckling slyly.

Your father took a step toward you, "There's no time to waste; now get going. Don't you dare make me look bad."

You bowed before turning to leave, but a surge of courage prompted you to look back at your father one last time, croaking, "Father... have you truly never cared for me at all? For my happiness?"

He clenched his jaw, his response cutting, "Don't make me laugh; you and that mother of yours have only ever been a pain to me."

That hurt.

Why did it hurt?

It wasn't news to you. But still, it hurt.

"You want happiness? Find it with him then."

« Preview of Part 2 »

The night before the wedding, Seonghwa lifted his gaze from his scrolls to find his aide arriving slightly out of breath, "Have you found anything, Jongho?"

The assistant nodded after bowing, "Not much on the rest of the family; everything about them is just as known by the public. However, I did uncover more information about the eldest daughter, your bride."

The general straightened in his seat, "What about her?"

With a frown, Jongho continued, "It seems not much is known about her, despite being the eldest. She's the only daughter of Minister Jang's first wife, and no one has seen her set foot out of the estate since her mother's passing. Most sources claim her to be a mystery."

Seonghwa smirked, leaning back in his chair, "She must be quite precious for her father to keep her hidden all these years. Oh, I'll treat her well, all right. Get the head maid to prepare her quarters."

Jongho nodded curtly, feeling a chill run down his spine as he witnessed the sarcastic grin on his master's face.

"Only the best for future Lady Park."

I just want to emphasise that this is NOT a sequel/prequel or extension to Seonghwa's part from my 'Crazy Form' Comeback Special Series. This is a completely different story taking place in an entirely different universe.

Also, while this may be in the Joseon era, I do apologise if some of the details may not be historically accurate. After all, this is only a work of fiction, so please enjoy!

As always, thank you for reading and let me know your thoughts, feedback or reviews! I love hearing all about it! <3

Tag list: @aurasblue @marievllr-abg @itsvxlentine @minghaoslatina @huachengsbestie01 @evidive @weedforthoughtz @ssrnghwa @yunnieo @sunnyhokyu @lynnsqueendom @frobin4ever @chwesuh-imnida @thunderous-wolf @itstheghostofmypast @professormingisglasses @deltamoon666 @avantalem @famishalll @yungilia @soobiverse @joongified

All Rights Reserved © edenesth // DO NOT REPOST, TRANSLATE, PLAGIARISE OR REPURPOSE.

#edenesth #the way to his heart #ateez #ateez fanfic #ateez fanfiction #park seonghwa #ateez seonghwa #arranged marriage au #joseon era #seonghwa x reader #seonghwa x you #ateez fic #historical au

[asahicore]

real me, real you - psh

pairing. sunghoon x fem!reader (ft. jay... sorry)

synopsis. You’re your school’s popular pretty smart girl, but with a twist - you lead a completely different life at home, where you are messy, lazy and foul-mouthed. Only your family and best friend Sumin know about this, until Park Sunghoon, of all people, finds out. The resident cold and arrogant heartbreaker of your school decides to blackmail you into doing his biddings - but you can’t say no, not even when he asks you to be his fake girlfriend, otherwise he’ll ruin your reputation. But as you and Sunghoon get closer, you realize that maybe he’s not so bad after all, and you may be more similar than you'd originally though - all while your old childhood friend Jay watches from the sidelines.

genre. fake dating, high school au, very slight love triangle action, fluff and angst

warnings. this is the first thing i ever wrote so there may be slightly cringe and awkward things but i didn't wanna change anything lol, hoon is a meanie at some point and everything is dramatic and very fanfic-y, mild childhood trauma for both of them &lt;3

word count. 22.9k

author's note. @end-hyphen genie this one is for you... i hope you still like this fic after all this time lol ! as i said in the warnings i only changed a few typos and punctuation from the original but i decided to not make any major changes bc i think it's nice to see what my writing was like when i had just started out!! hopefully i've improved lol, also this was not inspired by true beauty!! i've never seen the show nor read the webtoon. i was inspired by two mangas called switch girl and kare kano (or his and her circumstances) which have this plot of a girl being two different people at school and at home. anyways hope u guys enjoy this and if u do pls lmk <333

Nobody was supposed to find out.

You were the most popular girl in school, known for your looks, good grades, and kind personality. You had a nice group of friends and the whole school at your feet, students and staff alike. As the student representative, you had an image to keep up and needed everyone to think you were perfect; and they did. So you always wore a smile on your face, kept your head up and made sure your uniform was creaseless, all while maintaining the highest scores in your year. Always being friendly to your peers and helping them out prevented anyone from thinking you were a stuck-up goody-two-shoes. You made high school look like a breeze.

But such a life didn’t exist. Who was happy waking up at 6 a.m. every day and dedicating all of their time to schoolwork and student life? You certainly weren’t. What you thrived off of was having everyone think you were. Hearing whispers in the corridor of, “She’s so pulled together!” or “I wish I had her life”, now, those skyrocketed you to heaven. The cherry on top was a nod of approval from a teacher or an “outstanding job again, Y/N” as they handed you back your graded paper. Your favorite color had become the red of the pens your teachers used to write A+ at the top of the page. 

You’d always been academically gifted, but as you heard those words more and more, you’d started craving them and doing everything to hear them again until they started controlling you instead of the other way around. Everything you did needed to be perfect. And that was how you had created this persona of the perfect girl who had it all together at the ripe age of 17. But that’s exactly what it was; a persona. 

As soon as you stepped off the bus and waved goodbye to your friends, you became another person. Or more accurately, you reverted back to your natural self. You weren’t an evil person by any means; it wasn’t your intention to actively deceive everyone at school, it was more of a side effect of keeping up appearances. Only your family and your closest friend Sumin knew what you were truly like: greedy, messy, short-tempered, self-centered, and sometimes downright insufferable. Your younger siblings, Sunoo and Yeeun, liked to joke that you had a button you switched on and off whenever you left the house. When on, you were the sweetest girl ever, but when off, all your vices crept up and let themselves known to the world, or rather to your family. You didn’t mean to make them suffer, but after a long day of being perfect, you needed to blow off some steam; if they had to be your metaphorical punching bag, so be it. 

When Sunoo entered high school, you made him swear he wouldn’t say a thing to anyone. You trusted him and knew he wouldn’t let your secret out - it was too entertaining for him to see you act perfect at school and reveal your true self at home. There was no risk of anyone finding out - you were so intent on keeping the act up that nothing ever slipped you. It had been that way since middle school, and your senior year of high school was going to be no different.

Nobody was supposed to find out, so what was Park Sunghoon doing right in front of you in the frozen aisle of the corner convenience store, just when you happened to be bare-faced, with thick glasses on and a pimple bright red from just having been popped, in your comfiest pajamas, and a tub of Ben & Jerry’s in hand?

“Kim Y/N? Y/N, is that you?”

You froze in place, not knowing how to react. There was no way this, your worst nightmare, was actually happening.

When you regained your senses, flight seemed the best way out of this. You avoided Sunghoon’s curious gaze and curtly replied, “No, sorry, I don’t know who that is,” before walking away, iron grip on the ice cream.

But the boy was quicker than you and grabbed you by the wrist, forcing you to turn around. “It is you! Come on, Y/N, aren’t we friends? Do you not recognize me or something?”

If it wasn’t for the panic coursing through your veins at that moment, you might’ve laughed at his question. How could you not recognize the Park Sunghoon? Along with Park Jongseong and Sim Jaeyun, or Jay and Jake as they liked to be called, he was only the most popular guy in your year - hell, in the whole school. The three of them had gained attention from freshman year as the three handsome soccer players. Jake and Sunghoon had been attached at the hip since kindergarten, Jay joining them sometime in middle school when he came back from his year abroad in Seattle. 

Your parents and Jay’s had been college best friends and you two had therefore grown up together, and even used to be quite close. You’d grown apart when he joined Jake and Sunghoon’s friend group, and although you still got on well, there was always a bit of an awkward atmosphere when you caught up with each other.

The three friends had quite different personalities but their complicity and shared history made them stick together. Jake was known for his academic achievements, rivaling yours, and his friendly personality; Jay, for his surprisingly funny antics once you got past the somewhat menacing appearance (which he blames on his resting bitch face). Sunghoon, on the other hand, was as cold as ice, so much that he’d earned the nickname of ice prince, but girls continued to swoon over him due to his incredibly handsome features. When turning down girls, Jake and Jay always tried to let them down gently, but Sunghoon wasn’t one to hold back: he’d laugh in their face or straight up say no, staring them right in the eyes. Most confessions ended in tears (not his, obviously), but girls kept on testing their luck, thinking they might be the one to melt the ice prince’s cold, dead heart.

Clearly, you weren’t Sunghoon’s biggest fan.

His behavior had always made you wonder why Jay and Jake were friends with a person like him. They went back a long time, but how did Sunghoon not become a nice and approachable person like his two best friends? They both seemed so genuine, but he looked like he was hiding something. This was what had made you weary of him; you knew all too well how easily an image that was the opposite of reality could be created. So on one hand, you sort of felt for him, thinking he might be in a similar situation as you. But on the other hand, you couldn’t help but feel some kind of jealousy: if you acted the way he did, you wouldn’t receive half the admiration you did. Hell, you’d probably be hated for it - no one likes a girl that’s both successful and bitchy about it. 

One thing was sure, though, and that was that you wouldn’t call the two of you friends, as he just had.

“Y/N? You okay?”

The pure panic in your eyes must’ve made Sunghoon realize something was wrong. He released you and looked you up and down, trying to take your appearance in. The Y/N he was seeing right then was worlds away from the one he was accustomed to at school. 

You realized there was no ignoring him, so you collected yourself and faced Sunghoon. “Uh, yeah, hi, Sunghoon. Sorry, I just wasn’t expecting to see anyone I knew here.”

He chuckled. “Yeah, no wonder. You look quite… different from what you usually do,” he said, voice laced with sarcasm.

This whole situation got you dumbfounded. You usually knew exactly what to retort when somebody messed with you, your friend or a classmate, but this time, you were completely speechless. You just wanted to escape.

“Well, it was nice seeing you Sunghoon, but I need to get home.” You pivoted on your heels and started walking again, but Sunghoon had other plans.

“Aw, come on, so quickly? We barely got to chat!” He followed you through the aisles as you picked up the remaining ingredients on the list your mother had given you as quickly as you could.

“I didn’t know you needed glasses. Do you wear lenses at school?”

“Yes. I need them to see.”

“I figured.” You could hear the smirk in his voice, and your shock was slowly morphing into anger. Were teenage girls so blind that they’d have a crush on someone with such an abominable personality, no matter how angelic his face was? 

“I really like your outfit, by the way. Looks super comfy.” And as if your embarrassment couldn’t grow any bigger, he added: “Too bad you got a stain on the shirt.”

You looked down at yourself and noticed a huge grease stain on the collar of your shirt. Admittedly, you didn’t always have the best table manners. 

You swore under your breath. It was quiet for a couple minutes as you arrived at the register and paid for your items, Sunghoon still on your tail. He had apparently given up his purchases to focus solely on tormenting you. When you walked out of the store, you thought he might finally be done. But of course, he wasn’t.

“You know, my sister has this really effective pimple cream she uses. Do you want me to ask her what brand it is?”

That was it. You sighed deeply. “Alright, Park. What do you want?”

When you turned to face him fully, arms crossing over your chest and an obviously tired expression on your face, the mischievous glint in his eyes made you realize something. That idiot was enjoying this. 

Indeed, he beamed down at you. You had probably never seen him smiling so widely. “Wow, Y/N, didn’t know you could have such an attitude.”

You stayed silent and continued staring at him, waiting for an answer. He mirrored your pose, out of instinct or to irritate you, you weren’t sure.

“You know, when I moved to this neighborhood before the start of school, I was definitely not expecting to see Perfect Miss Y/N out in her pajamas buying ice cream. I thought you were more into, I don’t know, rescuing puppies from fires or something. That sounds like something you’d do in your free time.”

“Well, is there anything wrong with what I’m doing?”

“Oh, absolutely not! Just a surprising sight. Makes me wonder what the rest of the school would say…” He looked intently at you, clearly waiting for a reaction. You weren’t about to give him one, though.

You chuckled and rolled your eyes, shifting your weight on your right foot. “Yeah, like anyone would believe you if you said you saw me looking anything else other than perfect.” It might’ve sounded arrogant, but that was the image people had of you. Even your friends asked you how you did it - if only they knew the truth.

At that, his smile got even brighter. “Don’t worry about that, I won’t need to tell anyone. I’ll just show them!” He pulled out his phone, showing you a picture of you in your god-awful pajamas searching for your favorite flavor of ice cream.

He watched as your face fell, taking your silence as an opportunity to go on. “You were so engrossed in the tubs of ice cream that you didn’t notice a dashingly handsome and tall young man very obviously taking pictures of you.”

This put you into panic mode again. It might have seemed foolish, but you hadn’t worked for years to create a perfect version of yourself only for a stupid boy to destroy it all with one picture. 

You sighed and lowered your head, taking a moment to think. You didn’t know Sunghoon that well, but you didn’t put it past him to send that picture to everyone and ruin your image in the process. You opted for honesty instead of bluff. You took your glasses off and looked back up at him; even if you couldn’t see him as well without them, maybe he’d see the despair in your eyes better.

“Park. I mean, Sunghoon. You can’t show that picture to anyone, okay? You have no idea how bad I need to keep up appearances. It’s really important to me, so just delete the picture and let’s never talk about this again, yeah?”

You tried smiling at him, but his expression infuriated you. You could tell he had something else up his sleeve. “Now, Y/N, why would I do that? If I’m gonna do something for you, you should do something for me.”

You weren’t sure if you wanted to hear the rest of his thoughts, but you needed to know. Eyeing him suspiciously, you told him to go on.

“Well, I can’t think of anything right now, but I’ll let you know when I do, okay? I’ll see you around, Y/N.” He flashed another one of his smiles, patted your head, and walked away, just like that, leaving you standing outside the convenience store on your own, a melting tub of ice cream in your plastic bag. At least for now, you were safe.

Right?

—

“You saw Park Sunghoon? As in, the Park Sunghoon?” your little sister Yeeun asked, looking at you with huge eyes. You two and Sunoo were sitting on your bed, sharing the ice cream by eating it directly from the tub.

“Yes, that’s literally what I’ve been saying this whole time. How do you know him anyway? You’re still in middle school…”

“Are you crazy? He’s famous in our whole school district! I wish we had cute boys in my school as well,” she sulked, pouting.

“That’s not the point, Yeeun,” Sunoo chimed in, then turned to you. “Well, this is either bad news or the start of a beautiful romance.”

“Sunoo! Take this seriously! I’m in a huge dilemma right now.”

Your siblings shared a knowing glance and snickered.

“Hey! I’m right here. I’m not overreacting, you know. If he does send those pictures around, I’m done for.”

“Oh, come on, Y/N, you’d be so much better off if you could be yourself at school. I see you there almost everyday, and the way you laugh always sounds so fake. Nobody would care if you forgot to put makeup on one day or had a crease in your shirt. If anything, it’d make you look more human.”

You could see where Sunoo was coming from, but you chose to ignore it. You sighed deeply. “You guys just don’t get it. They all see me as this perfect, put-together girl. If I showed them even a glimpse of the truth, everything would shatter. It’s too late to go back now.” You ignored their pitying looks and took another big spoonful of ice cream.

It was their turn to sigh. As always, it was impossible to reason with you. Deep in your thoughts, you added: “You know, there was something really off about him today. I’d never seen him act that way before.”

Your siblings looked at you questioningly. “He’s always so cold and distant towards everyone. I’ve only seen him smile when he’s laughing with Jake and Jay or when he makes fun of someone. But just now, he kept smiling at me like he was having fun. He even patted my head when he left.”

At that, Yeeun swooned dramatically, hands over her heart. You looked over at her and said, “I’d be swooning too if it was any other guy than Park Sunghoon. I’m more confused than anything right now, he was a completely different person from when I see him at school.”

They exchanged another look. “You guys stop doing that!”

“Well, it’s just that that sounds an awful lot like someone I know,” Sunoo replied. Realization hit you and you scoffed, mildly offended. At least you were nice to others at school and didn’t act like an asshole with a superiority complex.

“Anyway,” he continued, “what will you do about Sunghoon?”

“I’m not too sure. I guess all I can do is wait and see whatever it is he could want from me.”

“Yeah, do that, and then date him, please. If I can’t have him as my boyfriend, then I’ll have him as my brother-in-law,” Yeeun joked. You didn’t have it in you to retort anything back and started laughing along with her. 

If everything did shatter, at least you’d have your siblings to make you laugh.

— 

The next day, you made your way to the bus stop after your daily morning routine: jogging, showering, eating a filling breakfast, choosing the perfect accessories for your school uniform, applying just the right amount of makeup and going over your subjects and tasks of the day. As always, efficiency is the key. You had become so used to this routine that your body did it on its own, which let your mind wander wherever it pleased. Usually, you’d use this time to prepare yourself for the day ahead, but today, the only thing on your mind was Park Sunghoon. What was that boy up to? Was he up to anything, or did you completely imagine his mischievousness yesterday? In any case, you hoped it would all be over soon. 

You got on the bus and sat down next to Sumin. Your close friend group at school consisted of her, Park Sieun, Lee Heeseung and Choi Jiung, but she was the only one who knew about your secret. You had been friends for so long that you hadn’t even been able to hide it: she’d seen you from all angles, both before, during and after your transformation to who you were now. It was nice having someone else than your siblings to rely on and tell everything to. 

“Minie, you’ll never guess what happened yesterday. I ran into Park Sunghoon at the convenience store next to our apartment unit.”

She raised her eyebrows in surprise, but her reaction wasn’t as big as you thought it’d be. She smiled and said, “Huh! I knew he’d moved to our neighborhood, but I wouldn’t have thought he’d live so close to you that you’d even shop at the same place.”

She registered your confused expression and continued. “Didn’t you hear? He moved out of his parents’ house at the end of summer. Something about a huge fight with them that made him move out. But there are always so many rumors about him and his group that I don’t know what to believe.”

“Oh,” you mumbled, unsure what to say. Now that you thought about it, Sunghoon had mentioned moving in your conversation yesterday, but you were so preoccupied with him seeing you in your wild state that you hadn’t paid much attention to his comment.

“Wait, did he do something? Your face is telling me he did something.”

You got closer to her face and gestured for her to do the same. With lowered heads and in hushed tones, you said, “He saw me on off-mode.”

She gasped and jolted back in surprise, eyes wide and eyebrows shooting straight up. “What?”

You shushed her and pulled her in by her shoulders. “He even took pictures.” Your grip tight, you held her from jumping again. “That’s not even it. You know how he's always really cold and distant?”

“You mean how he’s always being a douchebag?” She scoffed. “Yeah, I know.”

You remembered that Sumin had been one of the first of many girls who shot their shot with Park Sunghoon, only to get rejected. You both grimaced at the memory that always left a bad taste in your mouth.

“He was completely different yesterday. Kept following me around the store and, I’m not sure, teasing me? Like trying to get a reaction out of me? In a weird half-friendly half-bully way.”

“Hm, you’re right, that doesn’t sound like him,” she mused. “It does sound like a stupid teenage boy though, which I guess he is, no matter how hard he tries to pretend he’s not.”

This is what you loved about Sumin. She could see right through people, and never hesitated to say what she thought of them, especially when they acted the way Sunghoon did. Sure, there were some personal feelings attached there, but she had quickly gotten over them when she realized how much of a douche he was towards everyone else.

When the bus stopped to pick up some more students, Heeseung hopped on. You quickly told Sumin to keep it a secret, at which she smiled and made a motion as if zipping her lips and throwing the key. If you told your friends about Sunghoon, you’d have to tell them the truth about how he had dirt on you, but you wanted to keep your friendship clean. You chatted the rest of the bus ride away and tried not to worry over Park Sunghoon too much.

When you finally got to school, you, Heeseung, and Sumin made your way to your classroom to join Jiung and Sieun. Before you could get there, however, Jungwon, an underclassman you had talked to a couple times for student council meetings, called out your name. You told your friends to go on without you and turned to the younger boy.

“Jungwon! Hi, what’s up?”

He seemed flattered that you had remembered his name but quickly got on with his business. “Um, I’m not sure why, but Sunghoon told me to come and get you? I’ve never talked to him, I think he just picked me randomly and assigned me a task…”

You sighed. Park Sunghoon truly was something. “Thanks for telling me, Jungwon. I’ll make sure he gets an earful for this, he has no right to boss students around like that.”

Jungwon’s eyes doubled in size as he frantically waved his hands in dismissal. “No! No need to do that, I don’t want to get in trouble with him. I’m just here to relay the message.” At that, he scurried off, and you headed towards Sunghoon’s homeroom. 

When you walked in, a few people were in the room, some girls gossiping with each other, a couple students doing some last-minute revision for a test. You found Sunghoon sitting at his desk, snickering with Jay and Jake and hoped that the subject of their laughter wasn’t you. They noticed you approaching and the two decent boys greeted you; the other one eyed you, that mischievous glint back in his eyes. What could he possibly have in mind?

“Hi, guys.” You smiled at Jay and Jake and reflexively stood closer to Jay. “Sunghoon, Jungwon said you wanted to see me?” you asked, trying to keep your impatience at bay.

“Oh, was that his name? Well, thank heavens for him, ‘cause I forgot my lunch at home. Would you be a sweetheart and go buy me something at the cafeteria? You know how everything runs out as soon as lunch period starts, and I get really cranky when I’m hungry.”

You stared at him, wide-eyed. His two friends’ reaction wasn’t very different from yours. Go buy him lunch? That’s what he wanted you to do?

“What? You don’t want to? That’s too bad, cause there’s a picture I think everybo-”

You cut him off before he could finish. “No! Of course I’ll do it! Can’t have our star player go hungry, now can we?” You cringed at your own words and Jay eyed you suspiciously. Sunghoon beamed, and Jake’s eyes darted back and forth between the two of you in pure confusion. “Um, any preferences?”

His smile got wider. “A tuna mayo would be amazing. Thanks, Y/N! You’re the best!”

“Sure…” you mumbled and quickly walked away, more bemused than ever. You checked your watch. You had 10 minutes before the first bell rang, and you could not be late for class, which meant you needed to hurry. 

You got back to Sunghoon’s classroom just a minute before the first bell. To your dismay, the class was almost full, and girls had gathered around him, trying to get his attention, but he seemed unbothered by their presence. You braced yourself and walked towards him. As your presence rarely went by unnoticed, most eyes were on you and Sunghoon. Not only were you two some of the most popular kids in school, you also happened to be handing him his lunch, a never-seen-before sight between the two of you. 

“I also got you banana milk, for good measure…” 

What had seemed like a great idea a few minutes ago, something to appease the devil in him, now felt like the biggest mistake of your life. The girls around him started whispering left and right and you weren’t sure whether they felt bad for you, sensing an incoming rejection, or wanted to tear you to shreds for even trying. 

The whispers grew even louder when Sunghoon took the sandwich and milk from your hands, thanking you with a smile. You’d be lying if you said your heart hadn’t done a small jump in your chest at that moment. As much as you hated to admit it, if looks were the sole factor for popularity, then you could definitely understand why Park Sunghoon was so loved. His face looked like it had been carved by the gods themselves. When his eyebrows weren’t turned in a frown, his eyes looked almost sweet, especially when he laughed. His two moles gave him so much charm, the curve of his nose was so delicate and his pink lips looked so, so soft… 

You cleared your throat and smiled back at him before turning around to walk to your own classroom.

“Wait, Y/N!”

You turned back around, all eyes on you. You could feel Jay’s eyes burning holes into you. Sunghoon was still smiling. You thought you’d seen him smile more in the past two days than you had in all the years you’d known him.

“I’ll see you later.”

—

And indeed see him later you did. You always hung back a bit after classes ended to get homework done or work out student council issues. Being in an empty classroom brought you some peace and quiet, very different from the busyness and noise of your home. You couldn’t even focus in your own room, your siblings or parents always barging in to disturb you. The after-school janitors now knew you by name and saved cleaning the classroom you were sitting in for last. 

You had been barely sitting there for 5 minutes, nose buried in a math problem, when Park Sunghoon graciously strode in, swung the chair in front of you around and sat on it, arms crossed over its back as he peered at you. You didn’t even bother to look up at him as you spoke. “What, Park?”

“Oh no, back to last name basis already?” he joked. You didn’t laugh. He cleared his throat awkwardly. “Wow, tough crowd. Anyways, thanks for the sandwich today.”

This made you look at him. Or rather, shoot daggers at him. “Yeah, what the hell was that all about? Did you have to pull that little stunt in front of everybody? You know what our school is like! Rumors are gonna start spreading like wildfire.”

“I already told you,” he said with a defensive tone. “Forgot my lunch, everything was gonna run out, didn’t want to get hungry later,” he said as he shrugged, completely ignoring the latter part of your complaint.

“And you couldn’t have gone and gotten it yourself?”

He beamed. If it wasn’t so damn beautiful, you probably would have started getting tired of his stupid smile already. “Why would I do that when I could get you to do it?”

You sighed. “I knew you weren’t the nicest guy, but I didn’t know you could be such an asshole, Park.”

If you hadn’t been staring him down so intently, you might not have noticed the falter in his smile, so quick it was.

“Oh, come on, Y/N. If anything, I’m doing you a favor by not sending out to everyone that picture you so desperately want to keep secret. Thing is, doing that wouldn’t benefit me in any way, except for getting the satisfaction of seeing everybody realize you’re not as perfect as they think you are. Whereas holding it over your head allows me to do basically anything I want with you. And that, that is just so much fun,” he beams, lowering his voice into a whisper for the last sentence.

What a psycho, you thought. You just sighed once more and returned to your textbook, too weirded out to say anything back. You hoped the silence would make Sunghoon realize how creepy what he had just said was. 

It was quiet in the room, only the sound of your pencil scratching your notebook could be heard. Sunghoon sat in the same position and watched you working. He often saw you like this, focused and benched over a desk, in the library or walking past your classroom. But it was always in passing, and looking at you so closely made all the world’s difference. He could see how you scrunched your nose when the problem got particularly difficult, or how your smirk as you solved another one made your left dimple appear. He also liked the annoyed looks you gave him every once in a while, as if his presence was disturbing your focus. He wasn’t sure what it was, but there was something about seeing someone who always went about their way with such purpose sitting in such silence.

He decided to break that silence. “You know, Jay was asking about you earlier.”

You kept your eyes trained on your notebook but abruptly stopped writing, your pencil leaving a small scratch on the paper. This didn’t go unnoticed by Sunghoon. “Did he?” you said, trying to sound as uninterested as possible, although you couldn’t help but be curious. Ever since Jay and you had grown apart, there was always a part of you wondering what he was up to, how he was doing, if he thought of you once in a while or reminisced about the good old times as you sometimes did. 

“Yeah. I mean, everyone did, but I didn’t really care,” he answers simply, and even though you’re itching to push him to say more, you stay quiet. “You’re right, by the way, I do know the people in our school. The rumors have already started spreading. Up to you whether you wanna deny them or not, though,” he said with a smirk.

“Don’t even think about it, Park. There’s not a chance in hell I’ll let them think we have a thing going on. I have a reputation to uphold, you know.”

He chuckled. “Trust me, I know. Anyway, he wanted to know why you did that for me. Guess he was jealous you didn’t do it for him, too.”

“Why would he be?” you asked, trying to make the question sound as innocent as possible. 

“Well, you two go a long way back, right?” he asked tentatively, as if testing the waters.

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Then it was probably weird for him to see his childhood best friend and his best bro interacting out of nowhere, even though we’ve both seen each other around a lot and nothing has ever come out of that. Don’t you think?”

A beat passed as you thought about it. “Yeah, I guess that’d look weird to him,” you replied, trying to keep the disappointment out of your voice.

You quickly wrote down your last answer, packed up your things, and stood up. “Well, I’m off now. I’ll see you around, unfortunately.”

Sunghoon, surprised at your quick departure, scrambled to get off his chair and chased after you. “Do you want me to drop you off? I’ve got a car, you know. Much more glamorous than the bus.”

You turned around and looked at him. “I’d rather get hit by said bus than get in your car, Park.”

He stood there, watching you walk away with a smirk on his face as your ponytail swayed from side to side. This was going to be a challenge. You were going to be a challenge. 

Thing is, he loved a good challenge.

—

Back home, you flopped down on your bed and buried your face in your pillow. You laid there for a few minutes, taking some time to gather your thoughts and try to understand Sunghoon’s actions. It was of no use; you weren’t a mind-reader, and he seemed impossible to figure out. He could make you do basically whatever he wanted to, and he decided to make you get him lunch, creating rumors along the way? What could he possibly get out of that?

Your reflexions were quickly interrupted, however, by a flurry of incoming messages on your phone. Someone had posted a photo of you handing his banana milk to Sunghoon on your school’s Instagram account - because apparently, your school was so obsessed with gossip that they had created an Instagram page just for it. The photo had blown up among your peers and it made you wonder if people really were that bored with their lives.

People you barely knew but that felt entitled to knowing your relationship status were DMing you, asking about today’s events. You quickly got tired of it, so you texted your worried and confused friends that you didn’t feel like talking tonight and would catch up with them tomorrow. You opened your textbook, deciding that studying would be the best and most efficient distraction.

When your parents called you and your siblings for dinner, you still weren’t feeling great. Your family quickly registered your annoyed expression and could only hope for the best. You already weren’t the easiest to live with, but when you were tired, you just got a hundred times worse.

“So, how was everyone’s day?” your mom asked cheerily.

Yeeun’s eyes lit up instantly. “Mine was great! I met a really cute boy. His name is Nishimura Riki and he just transferred from Japan.”

“Oh, that’s nice!”

“You’re too young to be thinking about boys, Yeeun.”

Your mom and dad had replied at the same time, then gave each other a stern look.

“I’m not thinking about him, Dad, just looking,” your sister replied, earning a chuckle from your concerned father. 

“Mine was alright. I guess the start-of-a-new-year excitement has already worn off. After a week,” Sunoo said with a sigh. 

Your mom turned to you. “What about you, Y/N?”

“It was fine.”

The sharpness of your tone changed the atmosphere in the room at once. You ignored the looks your family exchanged and continued eating your food, eyes not leaving your plate.

For some reason, Sunoo thought it’d be a great idea to chime in. “She’s not happy because she had to buy Park Sunghoon his lunch and everybody went crazy over it.”

“Sunoo!” you protested. Your parents didn’t need to know about this sort of stuff.

“Park Sunghoon? Is that someone we’re supposed to know?” your dad questioned.

Yeeun scoffed. “Uh, he’s only the most popular and handsome guy at Y/N and Sunoo’s school, dad. Duh.”

“Right. Duh,” your dad said, imitating your sister’s tone.

“And why did you have to buy his lunch, Y/N?” your mom asked.

“Because he saw what she looks like when she’s not at school,” Sunoo said, not even giving you the chance to reply yourself.

“Sunoo!” you scolded again.

“And now I guess he’s using that against her to get her to do what he wants? Right, Y/N?”

You glared at your brother and let a beat pass. “Right,” you reluctantly admitted.

“Lucky…” your sister mused, expression like she was daydreaming about being Sunghoon’s personal assistant.

Your dad ignored your sister and looked straight at you. “That’s inadmissible, Y/N. You can’t let him do that.”

“Your father’s right, sweetie. It’s not right,” your mom added when you stayed silent.

With everybody’s eyes on you, you felt obligated to reply. “It’s fine. It’s not like he asked me to do anything crazy. I’m sure he’ll stop soon enough.”

“You know, boys that age, they’ll do anything to get a girl’s attention,” your dad warned. “Just ignore him and he’ll go away.”

“If she ignores him, he’ll tell everyone what she’s really like,” your brother explained.

“And what’s so bad about that? I’m sure it’d be easier if you stopped lying to everyone.”

Everyone suddenly stopped in their motions, wondering why your mom would say something so true yet so controversial. You looked up at her. “What’s so bad about that? What’s so bad? I don’t know, maybe the fact that I’ve worked so hard all these years for everybody to like me and look up to me only for a stupid picture taken by a stupid boy to ruin everything,” you said all in one breath, voice coming out harsh. You were tired of having to explain the same thing over and over again - your parents just didn’t understand why you did what you did.

Your mom opened and closed her mouth again, knowing it was useless trying to talk sense into you. It never ended well when you had this conversation.

“Who put mushrooms in this anyway? You know I hate mushrooms,” you said before filling up your bowl and taking it to eat in your room, making sure you’d slammed your door behind you.

—

On the bus the next day, you tried to explain the events of the previous day to your friends.

“There’s nothing really to it. He just asked me to get him lunch so I did, and when I handed it to him, his whole class was there and saw everything.”

“I get that, but I just don’t understand why he made you do it in the first place, or why you agreed,” Heeseung said, “it’s so unlike the both of you to do something like that.”

You hadn’t even thought to come up with an excuse for your and Sunghoon’s yesterday - your friends were definitely super confused, but you didn’t want to tell them the truth, so you had to quickly find something to say that was somewhat believable, and change the subject.

“I have no idea why he did what he did, but I didn’t want to cause a scene so I just agreed. I don’t really care, to be honest, I just wish it didn’t have such consequences. People seem to think we’re characters on a stupid Netflix coming-of-age series or something, when we literally just go to their school.”

As soon as you’d turned your phone back on this morning, it started pinging with all the messages that had flown in since last night. People were talking about it everywhere: Kim Y/N, highly sought-after bachelorette, had offered Park Sunghoon, notorious rejecter of girls and breaker of hearts, a sandwich and a banana milk, and he had taken them. What’s more, he had been seen at lunch heartily eating them. This was serious.

You didn’t think things could get any worse until you got to school. You were used to random people coming up to you in the hallways or in class for help, except today they weren’t asking for help at all - they were asking what was up between you and Sunghoon, as though handing him a tuna mayo was like asking for his hand in marriage. Most of them were just curious, but some, especially his fanclub members, had an aggressive tone to their voice, which you weren’t used to. If people started liking you less because of Sunghoon, you were going to kill him.

But you had to hold onto that thought, because an all too familiar voice had suddenly called out to you on your way to class. You took a deep breath and turned around, watching him take long strides towards you. You immediately became aware of the amount of people in the hallway and realized you couldn’t talk to him like you had the previous day in front of everybody. You mustered the fakest smile you could and greeted him.

“Hi, Sunghoon. What can I help you with today?”

He smiled, obviously enjoying the fact that you had to be nice to him. “I’ve got my sports bag because of practice later tonight. Mind holding onto that for me for the day?”

Your fake smile turned a bit crazy as your eyes widened in disbelief. "Don’t you have a locker for that, Sunghoon?”

“Yeah, but it’s so much more fun if you’re the one to hold it.” And with that, he threw the bag in your direction, leaving approximately 0.5 seconds to catch it. “I’ll need that later today. Meet me in front of the locker rooms after school, yeah?”

He didn’t bother to wait for your answer and walked away, Jake and Jay following closely behind. Jay sent you a questioning look, to which you could only reply with a shrug. If it wasn’t for all the students in the hallway, you would’ve been yelling Sunghoon’s ear off at that point. Unfortunately, that wasn’t a possibility, so you just smiled to your friends who were looking more confused than ever.

“Let’s just go to class, guys.”

—

Throughout the whole day, you could feel people staring at you, then at the bag you were holding, then starting to whisper among themselves. You tried your best to concentrate in class so you could momentarily stop pondering over what Sunghoon’s evil master plan might be, but everyone seemed bent on making that usually simple feat impossible. When 3:30 p.m. finally came around, you bid your friends goodbye and headed to the boys’ locker room. Every boy walking in eyed you suspiciously, unsure as to what you could be doing there. Of course, Sunghoon had to take his sweet time to get there. 

Staring at the opposite wall and planning Sunghoon’s murder in your head, you hadn’t noticed Jay and Jake arriving. Jay signaled for his friend to go inside the locker room and told him he’d join him in a minute. He waved his hand in front of you to get your attention, a smile on his face. You sighed in relief at the familiar sight of your friend.

“Hey, Jay. Sorry I didn’t see you.”

“You okay, Y/N? You look like you’re about to murder someone,” he said, slightly amused.

“If only you knew,” you mumbled.

He noticed the bag in your hand. “You waiting for Sunghoon?”

“Yeah. If only he could hurry up a little bit. I’ve got stuff to do.”

There was something about Jay that made it impossible to lie to him. Maybe it was the fact that you had known each other for so long, way before you’d turned into what you were now, that made you feel as though showing a side of you that gets annoyed and impatient and doesn’t smile all the time was okay.

Jay looked at his feet before looking back up at you. You were still staring at the wall but your murderous thoughts had somewhat calmed. “Mind telling me what this whole thing with Sunghoon is about?”

You turned to him and were about to fumble for an answer when someone interrupted you. “What whole thing with me?”

Whew. Saved by Sunghoon. You didn’t like that it was thanks to him that you could get out of answering Jay, but at least you didn’t have to come up with yet another stupid excuse.

Jay turned his attention to his friend and stood up straighter. “You know, making her get you lunch or hold your bag all day. There’s dozens of girls who’d be more than happy to do that for you, so why Y/N? She doesn’t have time for this stuff.”

You looked at Jay with surprise. Sure, you were friends, but you hadn’t thought he’d defend you like that in front of Sunghoon.

“Well, Y/N’s just such a nice, reliable person. No one better to ask to do those things.” What a reason, you thought. He turned to you and took the bag from your hands. “Thanks, Y/N. I’ll see you outside in a couple minutes.”

“Huh? What do you mean? I’m leaving,” you said, body already headed towards the other direction.

“What? You can’t leave before practice has even started. Go to the benches outside, we’ll be out in a few.”

You were about to open your mouth to protest, but he cut you off. “You don’t want to?” He started pulling out his phone. “That’s funny, because there’s a pict-”

“I’ll be on the benches! See you soon!” you quickly said, pushing the two boys inside the locker room, Sunghoon smirking, Jay looking at you in utter confusion.

Girls sat in a few different groups in the bleachers. You recognized the girls in one of those groups, so you decided to sit with them. As you approached, they quickly looked at each other and then back at you, expressions half-friendly, half-what-the-hell-are-you-doing-here. 

“Hi guys! Mind if I join?”

“Hi Y/N! No, of course not, come sit,” Jake’s girlfriend, Yujin, said. 

“Are you guys here to watch practice?”

“Yeah! I’m here on girlfriend duties for Jake. These two are just here for the eye candy and to keep me company,” Yujin explained.

“Yeah, but mostly for the eye candy,” added her friend Wonyoung. 

“What about you, Y/N? I’ve never seen you here,” asked the last girl, Gaeul.

“Oh, um, Sunghoon asked me to come, actually.” You regretted your words as soon as you’d let them out. They all ooh-ed at your response, making you blush, which just egged them on. This was nothing to blush about, Y/N. You’d just made the rumors get a hundred times worse with one sentence.

“The whole school’s been talking about you two, you know. Anything you wanna share? Don’t worry, we can keep a secret,” said Wonyoung with a wink. You chuckled awkwardly.

“Oh my gosh, yes, tell us!”

“Guys, don’t make her uncomfortable,” Yujin chimed in, smiling at you. You returned her smile, grateful, once again, that you didn’t have to explain your new link to Sunghoon. “Look, practice is starting.”

You turned your head towards the field as the soccer players started doing laps as per the coach’s instructions. Your eyes immediately drifted towards Sunghoon without you even realizing it. His lean figure hypnotized you. The last time you had had PE with him was in freshman year, and puberty had hit him like a fine, fine truck. You couldn’t take your eyes off of him as he lightly jogged next to his friends, chatting like it was nothing. You weren’t being very subtle with your stare and he eventually noticed you, sending a wink your way. This made you snap out of your reverie and you scowled at him, as if he could make out your annoyed expression from such a distance. You turned back to the girls, who were giggling at you.

“Wow, those were some serious heart eyes you were giving him, Y/N,” Gaeul giggled.

You opened your mouth in mild shock. “Was not!”

“Sure, whatever you say,” she replied knowingly. “Well, look all you want. Warm-up is the best part. It gets boring when they actually start playing.”

“No way! Watching them play is my favorite part,” Yujin disagreed.

“Yeah, that’s cause you’ve got someone to root for,” retorted Wonyoung. She looked at you slyly. “Well, I guess Y/N does, too.”

You scoffed. “Believe me, I will not be rooting for him.”

You started staring at him again, this time with a glare in your eyes. From their silence, you deduced the girls must’ve judged it a better idea to not question you too much. After the boys were done with running exercises and stretching (which you had enjoyed watching a bit too much, if you spoke truthfully), they started playing. The coach split the boys into two teams, Jay leading one and Sunghoon the other. It was a very close game. You could never tell who was leading, although that might have been due to your extensive lack of knowledge in the sport. All you knew was that you desperately wanted to see Sunghoon lose; that might put him down a peg. What you told yourself, however, was that you wanted Jay to win. So when he scored a goal, you surprised the girls next to you, the boys on the field and yourself as you jumped up and down, cheering for him. Realizing what you were doing, you quickly sat down and sent him an awkward thumbs up.

Jay tried to hide it, but he was blushing. Hard. Truth be told, he had noticed your little eye contact moment with Sunghoon during warm-up and hadn’t particularly enjoyed it. So seeing you cheer for him like that made him swell with pride, which only grew when Sunghoon scored and you barely reacted. 

When the game was over, you thought you might be able to finally go home and start studying. But Sunghoon had other plans for you, as always these past couple days. Heading towards the showers, he motioned for you to come down from the benches. As you did, Jay walked past, and you smiled at each other.

“Good game.”

“Thanks, Y/N.” He continued walking as Sunghoon reached you.

“What about me? I scored a goal, too.”

“Oh, did you? Didn’t even notice," you said, looking at your nails. The polish was starting to chip - you’d need to reapply a layer tonight.

“Whatever. Wait for me, yeah?”

“What? No! I gotta go home!” But your protests were in vain, as he completely ignored you. 

You waited outside the school with Yujin, Wonyoung and Gaeul. After a little while, Jake, Jay and Sunghoon joined you guys, having successfully showered and not smelling of sweat and dirt, thank God. Yujin was dropping her boyfriend and her friends off, so they bid their goodbyes and headed towards her car. Sunghoon and Jay also started to walk towards the parking lot, leaving you standing alone, not sure what to do. Sunghoon turned around and looked at you with a frown.

“What are you doing?”

“I don’t know, what are you doing?”

“I’m dropping you and Jay off.”

“Oh,” you mumbled, taken aback. “Didn’t know I was just supposed to guess that.”

As soon as Sunghoon started to drive, you noticed the awkward air between the three of you. Luckily, after years of being a people-pleaser, you had become somewhat of an expert in making small talk, which helped prevent a silent ride. You don’t think you could’ve gone through that without a mental breakdown.

Because you and Sunghoon lived closer to each other (and we all know the consequences of that), Jay was dropped off before you. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow at school,” he said before giving you a last glance.

“Bye, Jay.”

“See you, bro.”

Thankfully, you only lived a couple minutes by car from Jay’s and hoped the rest of the car ride would be peaceful. Which was really stupid of you to hope for, because you were in the car with Park Sunghoon.

“So, Park Jongseong, huh?” he said, eyes trained on the road in front of him. Even though he was trying to keep his tone light, you thought you detected a slight harshness to his gaze.

“What about him?”

“I don’t know, you tell me.”

“There’s nothing to say. We’ve just been friends for a long time.”

It was silent for about five seconds. “You really feasted your eyes during warm-up, huh?”

“Shut up, Park.”

“No, it’s alright, I get it. I’d do the same.” He laughed at his own joke that wasn’t really a joke. Why was he laughing, anyway? 

You looked at him. His face was so different from all those times you’d seen it at school. His eyes, rid of the harshness you’d seen earlier, crinkled at the edges and had an amused glint in them. His smile dug pretty dimples into his cheeks and you let your gaze linger long enough to notice he had sharp, vampire-like canines, which were surprisingly cute. You didn’t know why he was showing you a side of him he never showed anyone, except for his close friends, you assumed. You weren’t sure what overcame you, but you chuckled with him. 

“So, do you already know what task you’re gonna give me tomorrow?” you asked, genuinely curious.

“Hmm, haven’t really thought about it yet. I’d rather keep it a surprise, anyway. Keep you on your toes.”

“Pfft. What a great surprise.” He laughed again, and you couldn’t help but join him. He was unusually giddy that day, but you didn’t want to complain. This was a thousand times better than the arrogant Sunghoon with his I’m-better-than-all-of-you facade. What you didn’t know was that he, too, liked your snarky, no-nonsense side infinitely more than the model student, pretty girl persona you had created for yourself.

Finally at your house, you got out of the car and headed to your house after waving goodbye to Sunghoon. He rolled his window down and leaned out of it.

“Y/N?”

You turned around. “Yeah?”

“About your task tomorrow…”

“…Yeah?”

“I’m sure you’ll love it.” He gave you an umpteenth wink, rolled his window back up and drove off.

You weren’t so awful to your parents and siblings that evening.

—

The next day at school, you were wondering why Sunghoon had said you would love your task. Because you were, in fact, quite loathing it. He had found you studying during your free period after lunch and dragged you to the part of the library where it was okay to talk a bit over whisper level. You were currently going over a scene in The Tempest which you had seen in AP English Lit last year and clearly had no time for. But obviously, that wasn’t a problem to Sunghoon, who just wanted to get a passing grade on his English essay without putting in too much effort. 

After twenty minutes of going over the same five lines, you were about to give up. “Look, Sunghoon, I don’t mind helping you. I’ve tutored dozens of students before so I’m used to it. But you’re not making any effort! If you want to get it, you need to at least try.”

“But it’s so boring,” he whined, not unlike a child. “How am I supposed to find any meaning in this? It’s just stupid people doing stupid stuff on a stupid island.” You cringed at his words and hoped Shakespeare wasn’t listening in on this conversation. 

“It’s not stupid. It’s about power, and being punished for chasing it, and it’s a metaphor fo-”

“Ugh!” he groaned loudly. “You know what, I don’t care enough about this. Just write the essay for me, okay?” He got up and left, again not waiting for your answer. You wanted to protest, but you know what would happen if you said no to any of his requests, so you just quickly got to work.

Everyday over the next couple of weeks, Sunghoon would find something for you to do. Most days, he’d just get you to buy him lunch (although he thankfully had started paying you back) or carry his stuff around like the first two times. He didn’t ask you again to tutor him, however, so you had gotten used to sitting in an empty class together after class, you doing his homework for him and attempting (and failing) to explain it to him, and him alternating between playing on his phone and looking at you. Although it’d flustered you at first, not used to having someone stare at you while you were trying to concentrate, you’d grown somewhat okay with it - all of your complaints were ignored anyway. One time, he even got you to work on his science project with him, a weirdly-shaped volcano he needed to paint and decorate before actually putting the chemicals in. You’d be lying if you said it hadn’t been fun painting it together, occasionally ‘accidentally’ getting paint on the other’s hand or cheek instead of the volcano. 

You went to see him at practice two to three times a week, although you weren’t sure what use that had for him. If anything, you were probably the one who enjoyed yourself more. Perhaps, after being forced to spend so much time with him, you had started to soften up to him. And, perhaps, that made you appreciate his good looks even more. You couldn’t deny the effect his damp hair, stuck to his forehead with sweat, had on you. 

The rumors hadn’t died down, but people had started getting used to seeing the two of you together around, so they didn’t ogle their eyes at you everytime you and Sunghoon had some kind of interaction. Not liking that you couldn’t control people’s opinion of you anymore, you were still a bit bothered by them, but Sunghoon’s little posse of fangirls didn’t seem to be. They’d been the one to question you the most, and you got a few nasty looks in the hallway, but the gossip around school hadn’t stopped them from keeping on following him around, harassing him from morning to afternoon by going to his homeroom at breaks, sitting at a table near him at lunch, and going to see him at practice. Their group had dwindled down, though; most likely, some of them thought you two might be dating and had finally realized they didn’t stand a chance with the one and only Park Sunghoon. Thank God you had your friends and now sometimes Yujin, Wonyoung and Gaeul around you during those times, otherwise, you’d probably have been jumped. Spending so much time with him had kept you a couple times from your friends, which they’d complained about, but sensing that they couldn’t do much about it, they let you be, even though they hadn’t gotten a satisfactory explanation yet.

One person who didn’t want to, or rather couldn’t let it go, though, was Jay. He still couldn’t figure out why you’d started spending so much time with Sunghoon, seemingly overnight, and it created an unpleasant, sour pit in his stomach. Out of all the people you could’ve decided to form a new friendship with, why’d it have to be his best friend, meaning he saw you more often now than before, but not because he was the one you had come to see? Why did you never get him banana milk for lunch, and why’d you only start coming to soccer practice because Sunghoon had asked you to? He’d tried to ask both of you about it, but you always gave him half-assed excuses that didn’t make much sense. 

He realized what he was feeling was jealousy the day you came into their homeroom before the first bell rang and asked Sunghoon how his science project had gone. You’d never asked him how his science project, or any of his projects or tests, for that matter, had gone. He recognized it as the same feeling he had harbored when he had come back from the US in middle school and saw you dating Choi Soobin, or when Lee Heeseung had joined your tight-knit group of friends in freshman year. You and Soobin had only dated for three weeks and a half because you had a relationship-terminating argument over mint chocolate ice cream, and you and Heeseung had never become more than friends, nor had the intention to. But Jay didn’t care about that; all he saw was that there were boys around you that weren’t him. He had never acted upon those feelings, dismissing them as over-protectiveness for someone he had known since forever, but seeing Sunghoon and you laughing together hit too close to home. He couldn’t ignore how he felt because he was reminded of it everyday, but he didn’t know what to do with these newfound emotions.

And what’s the best thing to do whenever you don’t know what to do? Talk to your friends. Or well, in this case, your friend. He didn’t wanna talk about you to Sunghoon. He was a firm believer of bro code, but he didn’t wanna bottle up his feelings like he had all these years. So he went to Jake and told him everything, from your childhood friendship to Soobin, Heeseung and now Sunghoon.

“I know it’s stupid. It’s this whole cliché of, you only realize what you have when you lose it.”

“Well, you haven’t really lost Y/N, you know. It’s not like Sunghoon and her are dating.”

“I guess not, but he clearly likes her. It’d be a dick move to go after her now that they’ve got something going on.”

Jake hesitated for a second, debating whether he should say what he was thinking, but ultimately deciding it might be better to do it. “You know, I’m not sure that he does. You know what Sunghoon’s like. He’s never very honest about his intentions. I don’t wanna bring the subject up with him, cause I don’t wanna cause any drama, but it’s so suspicious to me that he’s suddenly spending time with Y/N when he’s never mentioned her all those years and when he rejects all these girls all the time.”

“I think it’s weird, too,” agreed Jay. “I just can’t seem to figure it out. And I’m a bit scared for Y/N, to be honest. Remember that girl in freshman year? They’d gotten along really well when he suddenly dropped her. I still remember his cold-ass stare when he turned her down. It even chilled me, man.”

“God, yeah, I always forget about that. He may be a jackass to all those girls, but when you know what he’s really like like we do, it seems so unlikely that he’d do something like that.”

Jay sighed and looked out into the distance. “I just hope he doesn’t hurt Y/N.”

Jake looked at his friend, thinking how to phrase his next sentence. “Like I said, I don’t wanna cause any drama… but, man, if you don’t want him to hurt Y/N, just don’t let him. If you make a move on her, you might get to her before he does. Better to do that now than to have to pick up the pieces, don’t you think?”

Jay mentally thanked the heavens for gifting him with a friend like Sim Jaeyun. “Yes, that is much, much better.”

He was going to stop sitting on his feelings and finally let them see the light.

—

But before that, Sunghoon had another one of his requests for you. You were sitting together in an empty classroom after school as you often did these past weeks. For you, today was an ordinary day, but the boy in front of you had something else in mind. He wasn’t saying anything but you could feel his nervousness and it was starting to make you feel anxious as well.

You lifted your head from your notes and looked at Sunghoon who seemed lost in his thoughts. “What is it, Sunghoon?”

This made him snap out of his reverie. “Um, nothing.”

“Well, seeing how you’ve been tapping your foot at the speed of lightning ever since we got here, it doesn’t seem like nothing.” You crossed your arms over the table and looked at him more intently, eyes asking him to tell you what was on his mind.

He sighed, giving in. “I was just thinking… there’s something I wanna tell you.”

“Go on. “

“I need you to date me.”

Your breath caught in your throat. Park Sunghoon… needed you… to date him? Was he asking you out? The way he’d worded it was a bit odd, but you didn’t put it past him.

Taking in your silence and wide eyes, he quickly added: “Not in that way! I, um, need you to be my fake girlfriend.”

Oh.

So he wasn’t asking you out. You weren’t sure why that made you so upset, but you tried to keep the disappointment out of your eyes and voice.

“Right,” you said, tone a bit harsher than you’d meant it to, “and why would I do that?”

Sunghoon smirked lightly. “Well, first of all, you don’t have much of a choice.” You rolled your eyes at that. It’d been a few days since the reason why you had started hanging out in the first place had come up, and you didn’t like to be reminded of that god-forsaken picture. 

“And second of all… I guess I should be completely honest with you.” This piqued your interest, and you leaned back on your chair to listen to him. 

“When I saw you at the store and took pictures of you, I wasn’t really thinking of doing anything. Maybe just get a laugh or two and tease you about it. I even told you outside the store that I didn’t know what I was gonna do. To be honest, I didn’t really think there was anything you could do for me that I’d need to force you to do. So I thought about it all night. And I asked myself, what’s the thing that pisses me off the most at school that you could change?” he looked at you expectantly, as if you could figure it out. You just shrugged.

“It’s those girls that keep following me around. All these years, I’ve acted like a giant asshole with them and still they think they have a crush on me or whatever. And I’ve never liked any of them, they’re all so superficial and ask me out without having ever talked to me before. So I thought, hey, maybe if I have a girlfriend, they’ll leave me alone. Which is why I made you do all those things for me.”

“So that they’d think we were dating?” you asked, trying to take all this information in. You’d sort of known it this entire time, but Sunghoon blatantly admitting he’d been using you hurt nonetheless.

“Yeah. But obviously, you always denied the rumors, so it hasn’t worked as well as I thought it would. It still did a bit though. So I think, if we take it the next step, and actually pretend we’re dating, it should really work. But I need your full cooperation on this, okay?” He looked at you, hopeful eyes and hands in prayer.

You sighed. As he said, it wasn’t like you had much of a choice.

“Please, Y/N? I really want them off my back.”

“Fine, Park, I’ll do it. But this better be the last thing you make me do.” You couldn’t help but sound cold. This made you rethink these past few weeks’ events. Were you the only one actually enjoying spending time together?

“Thanks, Y/N. And yeah, of course. You won’t have to carry my bag or get my lunch anymore if you want. Maybe it’ll be more believable if I do that for you.”

You had focused your attention back to your homework, wanting this conversation to be over as soon as possible.

“I’ll also pick you up in the morning, so you don’t need to take the bus.”

You hummed in response.

“Um, and I’ll also drop you off after school and after practice…” Sunghoon trailed, troubled by your silence. You hadn’t been so cold since the first couple times you two had talked, and he hated the idea that that might be because of what he had just said. So he took a chance.

“You know, Y/N, this doesn’t change anything. I wouldn’t have made you do all those things if I didn’t like spending time with you. You’re really nice to be around,” he admitted shyly.

You were far too flustered to lift your head and let him see your face. You just grinned and murmured, “Whatever, Park.”

—

Sunghoon kept his promise and picked you up in the morning. He called you at exactly 7:55 a.m., saying he was waiting outside and you rushed out of your house, piece of toast still in your mouth. In the car, you two went over what being in a fake relationship would involve.

“We just need to be seen around together, right?” you proposed, hoping your lack of experience wasn’t showing.

Thankfully, Sunghoon had no idea what being in a relationship, fake or not, entailed either. “Yeah, I think. And maybe…” he hesitated. 

“Maybe?” you prodded, hoping he wouldn’t (or actually would, but you’d never admit it) say what you thought he was about to say.

“I don’t know, like, hold hands, and… kiss.” The last part had barely been audible, but you’d still heard it.

“Kiss?” you echoed, voice almost a shriek. “I don’t think we need to go that far, Sunghoon.” A little voice in your head was saying that you’d really like to go that far but you made it shut up.

He was blushing profusely but didn’t want to drop the subject there. “At least on the cheek, or something. We do have to make it believable.”

And there it was. The little sentence, reminding you none of this was real. Seemed like that was a pattern in your life.

You looked out the window. Sunghoon glanced over at you, cursing himself for always saying the wrong thing. He was trying so hard to drown his blooming feelings for you that he kept on hurting you in the process. This whole fake-dating plan was the perfect excuse for him to spend more time with you without having to come to terms with his feelings. 

“C’mon, Y/N, it’ll be fun. Promise.” He nudged your arm playfully, making you look at him. His smile was contagious; you could never help yourself but start grinning when you saw his face light up like that. Maybe he’s right, you thought. Maybe this won’t be so bad after all.

When you arrived at school, Sunghoon told you to wait for a second. He got out of the car and quickly walked around to your side, opening the door for you. You hated how your heart fluttered at the sweet gesture, reminding yourself it was just for show. The important part was that it fooled everyone else, and it did - as you took Sunghoon’s hand, letting him help you out of the car, and walked with him hand in hand towards the school gates, you could feel all eyes on you. You could hear whispers of see, I told you they were dating! and defeated no ways. 

You realized you didn’t care about what anybody might be seeing, which was a first for you. You’d always made sure everybody saw you exactly the way you wanted to see them. As he was the most popular guy in school, dating Park Sunghoon at once helped your reputation and put you on many girls’ bad side. But holding his hand, you felt as though there was some kind of barrier protecting you. You’d never felt so exposed and so safe at the same time.

You noticed Jay standing next to the gates, looking particularly antsy. He’d texted you that morning, saying there was something he wanted to tell you. Usually, you’d have stayed up, overthinking what that could be, but what with today being the day you’d announce yourself to the world (your school) as Park Sunghoon’s (fake) girlfriend, you had had other things to worry about. You gestured at Sunghoon towards Jay. Your friend only saw you when you were calling his name, standing right in front of him.

“Oh, hi, Y/N! I-” 

He immediately cut himself off when he saw yours and Sunghoon’s interlaced fingers. Embarrassed, you took your hand out of your fake boyfriend’s, opting for holding onto his pinky instead, not realizing that it was a much cuter action that made one boy’s heart flutter and the other’s fill up with sadness.

“There was something you wanted to tell me?” you asked with a small smile.

“Uh- yeah, but it’s not important, actually. We can talk about it later.”

“Oh, you sure?”

“Yeah, don’t worry about it.” He returned your smile, hoping to make the situation less awkward. It was very obvious he didn’t want to say whatever it was he needed to tell you in front of Sunghoon, which you had both understood.

Sunghoon spoke up. “Right, well I’ll see you in class, Jay. Y/N, I’ll walk you to yours.” And with that, he started walking, holding his friend’s gaze for a few steps. You turned back to look at Jay for a split second, trying to decipher what had just happened, but Sunghoon grabbed you by the waist, making you look up at him in surprise, and breaking Jay’s heart even further.

—

Once Sunghoon and you got to your class, you felt as though you were in one of those movies where the boy drops the girl off at her house after their first date. Except that this was in a crowded school hallway two minutes before the first bell rang. What you had in common with that girl from the movie, however, was that you were freaking out over what your boy was going to do next. In the car, you’d ended up agreeing to a kiss on the cheek, but you hadn’t realized it would be happening so soon.

As you two hovered around your classroom’s door, you looked at each other and giggled. Damn, you were selling this well. So well that if you could have ascended out of your body and looked at the scene as a third party, you’d probably have barfed all over yourself. 

You were still holding his pinky. You could tell he was too hesitant to do anything now that you had reached the classroom, and so you mustered all of your courage, stood on your tippy toes and softly pressed your lips to his cheeks. (You were pretty sure you’d heard gasps around you.) Your courage went as fast as it came, and as realization hit you, you quickly squeaked “bye, Sunghoon” and practically ran to your seat. The boy stood there for another second or two, hand going to his cheek where you had just kissed him. He walked happily to his own classroom, completely oblivious to the stares he was receiving.

Heeseung, Jiung and Sieun were looking at you in disbelief as you approached them. Sumin, on the other hand, looked like she had paid no attention whatsoever to the scene.

“Y/N,” Sieun teased in a sing-song voice. “Care to explain what just happened?”

“Don’t tell me you’ve actually managed to make the oh-so-great Park Sunghoon fall for you?” Jiung asked jokingly. 

You looked down in an attempt to hide your grin. You usually did that sort of stuff to appear humble when someone complimented you, but this time it was completely genuine. The mere thought of Sunghoon made you all giddy inside. “Um, yeah, he actually asked me to be his girlfriend last night.”

Your three friends gasped dramatically and Sieun pulled you into a hug, as if you’d just received an award of some kind. Heeseung and Jiung patted your shoulders, congratulating you.

“Sumin? Did you know about this?” Sieun enquired, turning to your friend.

“What? Oh, yeah, Y/N called me last night,” she answered, briefly looking at you before turning back to her phone. Sieun looked at you, surprised, not understanding Sumin’s reaction to what seemed like happy news.

You had indeed called Sumin the previous night, and the call had gone similarly to the way she was behaving this morning. Although you usually told her everything, this time, you didn’t want to share the fact that you and Sunghoon were only fake dating. You found yourself actually wanting it to be true - and you thought it’d be easier to believe it yourself if everyone, including your best friend, did too.

“Minie! I’ve got some news,” you’d said as soon as she picked out.

“Ooh! Hit me,” she’d replied with as much excitement in her voice as you.

“So…” you’d started, already giggling. “Sunghoon’s just asked me out. I haven’t told anyone else, I wanted you to be the first to know.”

There was silence on the other end of the line. After a while, you added, “Minie, you still there?”

“Huh? Yeah, um, that’s nice, Y/N, I’m happy for you,” she said, not sounding happy at all. There was no trace of excitement left in her voice.

“Yeah, thanks,” you replied, voice ten times smaller than a minute ago.

“I’m sorry Y/N, but I’ve got to go, my parents are calling me. I’ll see you tomorrow.” She hung up suddenly, giving you no time to say bye in return. You were completely confused. Was Sumin bothered by you and Sunghoon dating? Other than a reminder about his past behavior, she hadn’t said anything when you two were getting closer. So what was wrong? You’d hoped you’d find out the next day at school, but the way she was acting didn’t help at all.

You snapped out of your flashback when Heeseung nudged you, faking a pout. “Not fair! Why did she get to know before we did?”

You forced a smile and said you’d known you’d see them the next day and thought it was better to tell them in person, and that you had just wanted to rant to someone quickly. Your teacher came in as the bell rang and everyone went to their seat. During class, you tried getting her attention so you could ask her if she was okay but she kept her attention on the teacher the whole time. 

After that, as time went by, you kept up your charade of being the perfect student as usual, adding to that of being the perfect girlfriend to Sunghoon. Time with him passed by so quickly: you hadn’t realized you were more than halfway through the semester until you needed to wear a thicker jacket outside and the leaves had started falling, covering school grounds in shades of brown. The plan had worked: he was finally left alone by his admirers. Sumin had stopped being weird after a few days, saying she had had some problems with her parents but hadn’t gone into more detail. Everything was as great as it had ever been: good grades, good friends and a good boyfriend. Well, fake boyfriend, which you needed to remind yourself a bit too often, on the days Sunghoon didn’t do it himself. You felt a pinch in your heart every time he said something like, “there’s my fake girlfriend!” when it was just the two of you, or “great job today, Y/N” after dropping you off.

One day as you arrived home, Yeeun was waiting outside your house, trying to catch you red-handed. She dragged him inside by the arm and you panicked, not wanting him to see how you lived. But your messy room and invasive siblings didn’t scare him off at all; on the contrary, he smiled one of the biggest smiles you’d ever seen on him, canines and dimples on display. Your mom made him stay over for dinner and it was probably the happiest dinner you’d ever had. The idea of bringing someone home and having them see your habits and odd family dynamics had terrified you for the longest time, but you felt so comfortable around Sunghoon that it felt as if he was part of your home as soon as he’d stepped foot inside. You didn’t feel the need to hide anything from him.

After dinner, he helped your parents clear up the table and even washed the dishes, even though they kept insisting he didn’t have to do anything. He had completely won them over. They sat at the table and watched you two laugh together in the kitchen. They looked at each other, knowing they were thinking the exact same thing: their daughter hadn’t looked this happy in a while.

When you were done cleaning up, you two headed to your room under the pretense of needing to study. 

“Alright, but keep the door open!” your mom had yelled after you, making you groan and Sunghoon’s face turn crimson red.

You really had planned on studying - there was a big test coming up and you couldn’t afford to get a bad grade. When you got your physics textbook out, Sunghoon groaned in protest.

“What? You seriously want to study right now?”

You sighed. “I don’t necessarily want to, no, but I need to. And so do you, may I add.”

“We’re not even in the same physics class!”

“Yeah, but we both have Mr. Cho, so I know you’re gonna have a test as well.”

He rolled his eyes and dramatically flung himself on your bed. “Fine.”

When he didn’t move for a few minutes, you guessed what he had meant was that he’d let you study but wasn’t going to do it himself. But after ten minutes, he suddenly got up. “I’m bored to death, Y/N. The test isn’t in another week. Show me what you do for fun,” he said, on the verge of desperation. It had only been ten minutes, but you felt bad having him over and not entertaining him.

“Well, I do have a Switch…” Sunghoon’s eyes widened in awe. “I guess we can play Mario Kart.”

He almost squealed in joy at that. You just chuckled at him, not knowing he was such a fan of car video games. 

“I’m gonna crush you, Kim. Get ready,” he said, already looking victorious.

You smirked, not wanting him to get his hopes up. “Oh, it’s on, Park.”

As expected of a pro player like you (on non-schooldays, you could stay up all night playing this game), you won every single round. Sure, he gave you a run for your money, but you always came on top. He took it surprisingly well, congratulating you each time. After your fourth win in a row, you wiggled your face in front of his with a devilish smile, as you couldn’t help but torment him a little. But he wasn’t smiling. At first, you’d thought he was finally getting mad he kept on losing; but then the proximity between you two hit you. You noticed his eyes flicker momentarily to your lips and had backed off immediately.

“Um, if we go for another round, I’ll go easy on-”

He cut you off by putting his hand on your cheek, making you turn to look at him. You’d daydreamed about this moment before, but you hadn’t imagined your heart beating this fast or the butterflies eating away at your stomach. He was now fully staring at your lips, and you couldn’t look at anything else but his either. Too scared to move an inch, you felt him get closer and closer, so close that his lips were almost on-

“Y/N, mom says it’s late and Sunghoon needs to- AH!”

Sunoo had walked in, eyes riveted on his phone until he looked up and saw you and Sunghoon suspiciously close to each other. Sunghoon practically leaped off of your bed in surprise and you flung a pillow over your face, not believing you had almost kissed Park Sunghoon but that your stupid little brother had ruined everything.

“Sorry! I’m sorry!” the culprit squeaked before running away. You and Sunghoon looked at each other. It was awkward for two seconds, then you both erupted in laughter. 

“Alright, guess I should get going then. Um, thank you so much for tonight. I haven’t had a family dinner in a while, and… Well, it was really nice,” he admitted shyly after you’d calmed down.

“Of course, Sunghoon. I’m sure my parents would love to have you over any time.”

You walked him to your front door, where you exchanged goodbyes and I’ll see you tomorrows. You watched him take a few steps, then turn back and jog towards you. He stood in front of you for a second, then leaned down and placed a kiss on your forehead.

“Bye, Y/N.”

You were too stunned to say it back.

—

After the almost-kiss, it felt as though something had changed between you and Sunghoon. The event had somewhat revealed your feelings: you both knew you wanted to kiss each other. But since those feelings hadn’t been acted upon, the transition from fake-dating to real dating couldn’t happen as smoothly. Well, it could, if you two stopped acting like idiots and told each other how you felt. But the author wanted to get a couple more thousand words in, so it had to wait.

You’d gotten used to Sunghoon’s little requests at school, but you definitely hadn’t anticipated a phone call at past 11pm on a Wednesday night. 

“Sunghoon? Why are you calling me so late?” you asked, groggy voice because of sleep. Since you woke up so early to get ready in the morning, you always went to bed around 9:30 to 10 p.m. Sunghoon was making you lose precious minutes of slumber.

“Late? It’s barely midnight, Y/N.” You groaned. “Whatever, put on some clothes and come outside! I’m waiting for you.”

“You’re what?” you whisper-screamed, suddenly feeling very awake.

“I’m waiting for you! Hurry up!” 

As always, he hung up without waiting for your reply. You couldn’t really turn him down anyway; although you were somewhat obligated, you had stopped seeing it that way and started doing things for him out of your own volition. 

Not wanting to get out of your pajamas, you just threw on a warm sweater, a scarf, some socks, and headed down the hallway on your tiptoes. Your parents weren’t the strictest out there, but you still didn’t wanna get caught sneaking out, and with a boy, at that. After putting on your shoes, you left your house, closing the door behind you as quietly as you could.

The late October night was a bit chilly, but you had wrapped up warm enough. Sunghoon was indeed waiting for you outside, wearing a denim jacket over his gray sweatshirt and matching sweatpants. 

God, he looked good.

“Finally! Took you long enough.”

“Quit it, Sunghoon. Just tell me why you wanted to see me.”

“There’s a place I wanna show you. Come on,” he said, taking you by the hand. You felt tingles in your palm and fingers wherever his hand touched yours. How could something feel so natural yet make your heart race so at the same time?

“Are we walking there?” you asked.

“Yep, it’s not too far. We’ll be there in five minutes.”

Those five minutes felt like five seconds walking with Sunghoon. You chatted and joked around the whole way, not letting go of each other’s hand. You hadn’t even noticed you had reached your destination until he stopped walking.

“Here we are,” he said, facing the building, which made you turn in the direction he was looking.

“The ice rink? What are we doing here?” you asked, confused. It was 11:30 pm; surely, the rink would be closed.

“You’ll see!” he said, heading towards the entrance. To your surprise, he pulled out a key from his pockets and opened the doors.

“What? Sunghoon! How do you have a key to the ice rink?”

“I’m chummy with the janitor. I just need to let him know when I’ll be coming and he doesn’t tell anyone,” he replied, an easy smile on his face, as if this was the most normal thing in the world. He led you first to the shoe rack, helping you find skates your size, and then to the benches next to the rink’s entrance. He knelt in front of you and helped you put on your shoes, doing the laces for you. 

He looked up at you, a glint in his eyes. “I’ve never taken anyone here, Y/N. I know your secret, so I thought I’d show you mine.”

You didn’t know what to say, surprised at the sudden confession, so you just looked at him curiously as he took ice skates from his backpack and laced them up.

He stood up, turned to you and said, “Ready?”

You followed him to the doors leading to the ice. He stepped inside without a trace of hesitation, but you were much more doubtful about your ability to stand on the ice without falling instantly. He turned around and saw you looking helpless. He took your hand in his, helping you step onto the rink. 

“Don’t worry, Y/N. As long as I’ve got you, you won’t fall.”

“Don’t let go of my hand, then,” you said pointedly.

Too focused on not slipping, you didn’t see his smile. “I wasn’t planning to.”

He helped you get your footing, skating backwards in front of you and holding both of your hands. After a few minutes on the ice, you got brave enough to skate on your own, and you miraculously managed to stay on your feet. However, after a while, your bravery turned to hubris, and you dared attempt a spin, resulting in you miserably falling on the ice, butt first. Sunghoon was worried for a second until he saw you laughing uncontrollably. You looked at him, wide-eyed, and said, “This is so much fun, Hoon.” You were so exhilarated that you hadn’t noticed the nickname slipping from your lips but the boy’s cheeks and ears turned redder than the bruise you had surely just earned yourself. Thankfully, if you commented on it, he could just blame it on the cold. 

He helped you up, and you skated on as if nothing had happened. This went on for another thirty minutes, you skating hand in hand and occasionally falling together (but most of the time, just you falling on your own). Sunghoon had been so nervous before bringing you here; he was scared you’d think his hobby was unmanly or lame, as he’d been made to feel. But seeing you have the time of your life, all his worries dissipated. This place was like a second home to him, and bringing someone into your home was always nerve-wracking, but he thought you fit perfectly in it. 

When you told him you were getting tired and wanted to sit for a while, you skated back together to the benches and he gave you some water from his bag. You sat in silence for a while, waiting for your breathing to come back to a normal pace. 

You broke the silence first. “So, why’d you take me here? Not that I’m complaining.”

He hesitated a second before speaking. "I used to come here all the time as a kid.” He didn’t look at you when he answered, keeping his gaze on his hands. “My mom would take me. She left us for another man the summer before middle school started. She left me alone with my asshole father.”

You let out a small gasp, not expecting such a confession. You placed your hand on his back for comfort and said, “I’m sorry, Sunghoon.”

He quickly glanced at you, a half-smile on his face. “Don’t be. Anyways, he had to somewhat start taking care of me now that my mom wasn’t there to do it.” He chuckled darkly. “I guess his idea of taking care of his son was forbidding him from doing the one thing he loved. He thought it was a stupid sport for a boy. He stopped all of my lessons and made me sign up for soccer, even though I hadn’t ever said I wanted to do that. I still came here from time to time, but I didn’t wanna risk getting caught. God knows what he’d have done if he saw me here.”

You weren’t sure what to say. You felt as if no words would be enough to express how his story made you feel. “I- it’s awful, what he did to you. No parent should ever make their child feel as though their passion isn’t worth it. If it’s any comfort, even though you were mostly helping me, I thought you looked ten times better on that rink than scoring any goal. And that’s saying something.”

He finally looked at you and grinned. “Thanks, Y/N.” He seemed to be thinking for a few seconds, and then continued: “I’ve had a lot of time to think about it, and I think that’s why it’s hard for me to open up to people and make lots of friends. I only trust Jake because I’ve known him forever and I can’t really get rid of him now,” he said with a chuckle, “and Jay, well, Jake took to him instantly in middle school so I guess I didn’t have a choice there either, and he’s not so bad anyway. The more people I let in, the more likely I am to get hurt. It’s much easier pretending I don’t wanna have anything to do with anyone than try. 

“I guess it’s also why I talked to you on that day. Sure, I ended up thinking you could help me with all those girls. But at first, when I saw someone like you, who looks like they have it all together, who’s actually the opposite in real life - no offense - it reminded me of myself. And I thought, maybe she’d understand. Which is why it was so easy to be myself around you.”

You took his hand in yours and pressed it slightly. “I’m glad you were.” You didn’t feel the need to say anything else, hoping it was enough.

“Now, your turn. What made you the person you are today?” he asked with a grin, trying to approach lightheartedly this heavy subject, which you appreciated.

“It’s all about making people think you’re someone else, isn’t it? Because, depending on who you are, they’ll treat you differently. I found that out as a kid, because I, too, have a tragic childhood backstory.” He gasped jokingly.

“It’s not as bad as yours, so sorry about that. Back in primary school, I already had this… attitude that I have today. I had quite the ego, and I didn’t want anyone doing better than me at school. I didn’t care about how I looked, if I was the prettiest girl in class or had the cutest shoes. I was the smarty-pants of the class, basically, and a lot of the kids teased me for that. But I also didn’t let myself get trampled over, and fought back, quite aggressively at that, so I was somehow the nerd and the troublemaker at the same time. I didn’t have the best reputation, but I did have a friend. Jay. Or Jongseong, at the time, before he got too cool for his real name,” you joked. “The thing is, I didn’t see him as a friend. Sure, I was only eight or nine, but I really liked him. And the day I was planning on confessing, I saw him hold hands with the prettiest girl in our class. So I never told him, and then he left for the US a few months later.

“During the time he was gone, I had a complete makeover and actually started caring about my appearance, especially when middle school started. So now I had academic validation from teachers, which I had craved since forever, and both female and male validation from all the girls telling me how pretty I was and all the guys liking me. The people who were in my primary school and went to the same middle school told them how I used to be, but nobody believed them, and if they did, they didn’t care, so everybody just gradually forgot about it. And I just got addicted to the validation, which is why I always studied harder and tried to be prettier, even when it turned into a complete lie. I thought that if I could make everyone believe I was perfect, then it didn’t matter what I was like in real life, so at home, I just let myself completely go. And even now that I’m aware of all of this, I still can’t stop.”

Sunghoon looked at you like you had just slapped him. “So, you used to have a crush on Jay?”

You looked at him in exasperation. “Seriously, Hoon? That’s what you get from everything I just told you?”

He smiled shyly. “Sorry. Thank you for telling me.” You sat there in comfortable silence for another few minutes, still hand in hand. Then, Sunghoon got up, grin on his face.

“Wanna see something cool?” You nodded at him, returning his grin. He headed back inside the rink.

You thought he was gonna show off by doing some fancy trick. But he started gliding on the ice, and you couldn’t believe what you were seeing. He took long strides that looked as natural to him as walking. He spinned one, two, three times, and continued skating as though it was nothing. You were completely mesmerized. You already thought he was out-of-this-world beautiful, but his beauty was brought to another level when he skated. His elegant moves rendered you breathless. When he skated back towards you, you were looking at him with only awe and admiration in your eyes. 

After what he’d told you and what he’d just shown you, you couldn't help but get a little emotional. You engulfed him in a hug as soon as he’d stepped out of the rink, your arms around his neck and his naturally coming to your waist. Your hands came up to his cheeks as you leaned back to properly look at him.

“That was- wow. That was amazing, Sunghoon. Thank you for showing me.” You could see the gratefulness in his eyes. There was something else there, and whatever it was, you knew you were looking back at him with as much of it. It was only you two in the building, but it might as well have been the two of you in the whole world. 

All too similarly as in your room, his gaze went from your eyes to your lips, and you couldn’t help but mirror that. This was the perfect moment. You inched your face closer, letting him close the gap between you. Your lips touched and it was as if everything fell into place. The kiss was shy at first, neither of you sure what to do, your mouths moving at a slow but steady pace. But as your hands traveled from his cheeks, to his jaw and down to his neck, and you felt him sigh in the kiss, something unclicked in you, making you want more. You deepened the kiss, and he returned it with just as much force. Your right hand came to grab at the nape of his hair and his hands gripped your waist tighter. After minutes or hours, you broke the kiss in need of some air. Your eyes met again and you smiled at him, relieved it had finally happened. 

You thought he’d have a similar reaction, but he suddenly looked panicked. Realization hit him like a truck. He liked you. Far too much. And even if the kiss and these past weeks told him you might like him back, it scared him. He’d unlocked his heart for you but couldn’t let you keep the key. Otherwise, he’d let you open it more and more and more until there he was completely bare in front of you, and you decided you didn’t like what you’d found and left him. Just like his mom did. Just like everyone eventually does. Just like his dad never even tried.

He took a step back. His panic was rubbing off on you. You called out his name, but he quickly got his bag and said, “Sorry, Y/N, I have to go. I’ll um- I’ll see you.” He took a few steps, turned around, and said, “I think you should take the bus tomorrow morning. Sorry.”

He started walking away. A few steps before he’d be out of your view, he turned back around. He hated the look on your face, how sad, confused and helpless it was all at once. Above all, he hated that he was the reason behind it. But he told himself it was better to leave you now than be left in a few months when you got bored of him, and started walking again without another word.

—

You walked home alone. It was a dark November night, and you were shivering from the cold and from sadness. Try as hard as you might, you couldn’t figure out why Sunghoon had reacted like that. The past month had gone so well, you were only getting closer and more comfortable with each other. The only logical conclusion you could come to was that kissing you had made him realize he didn’t like you. Thankfully, you didn’t live too far from the ice rink and you got home in five minutes. Lost in your thoughts, you couldn’t even be bothered to be quiet closing the front door and walking to your room, and you woke Sunoo up.

At first, he looked like he was about to scold you for making so much noise; but upon seeing your disheveled state, he started worrying. 

“Y/N? What’s wrong, why are you only coming home now? Where were you?”

You couldn’t hold it in any longer. You fell in your brother’s arms and started crying your heart out.

He held you for a little while, but not wanting to wake the others up by staying in the hallway, he said, “Come on, let’s get you in your room. You’re freezing.”

He left for a few minutes and came back with two cups of tea in his hands. He joined you on your bed. You had calmed down a bit and took a sip of the tea, already feeling warmer.

“So, tell me everything.”

And you did. Not just about what had happened at the ice rink, but everything before that: how yours and Sunghoon’s relationship was fake, which you hadn’t even told your siblings, but that it hadn’t kept you from falling for him, and how you really thought he felt the same way. When you got to the part where you told each other about your stories, Sunoo grabbed your arm in surprise, and said, “I can’t believe you told someone about that. Good for you, big sis.”

You sat in silence after a few minutes when you’d finished telling him everything, you, still reflecting on your evening, and him, trying to think of something good to say. He took a deep breath, and started: “You know, this might be completely useless, but I feel like there’s no point trying to figure out why he did that. We’re not mind readers, and assuming things will just go wrong. I think the best thing to do is just ask him tomorrow, or whenever you’re ready to face him, really.”

You looked at your brother fondly. “How can you be so stupid sometimes, yet so wise right now?”

Sunoo and you talked for another minute, but when you yawned for a good seven straight seconds, you both agreed it was time for bed. Before you fell asleep, you told yourself that tomorrow morning, you’d find Sunghoon and make him be clear with you. You at least deserved that.

—

Heeseung and Sumin were clearly surprised to see you the next morning in the bus, but you told them you didn’t want to talk about it and they didn’t push, although it very obviously had something to do with Sunghoon. As you rode the bus and psyched yourself for your conversation with him, you had no idea he was currently in the midst of a heated argument with Jay. The latter pushed him with force, making Sunghoon’s back hit the classroom wall behind him.

“What the fuck did you just say about Y/N?” Jay asked, venom in his voice and fury in his eyes.

Despite the pain, Sunghoon smirked, wanting to rile up his friend even more. “I said, Y/N’s just as stupid as all the other girls. She probably thinks she’s so much better than everybody, but in the end it was so easy making her fall for me. It was almost boring, really, how easy she was.”

Jay pushed him again. “Don’t fucking talk about her like that.”

“Aw, little Jay is getting upset over his little Y/N? You sad that the girl you like actually likes an asshole like me?”

Jay hadn’t had many reasons to get angry in his life. This was making him discover another side of himself; he didn’t know he could get this angry. He didn’t know rage could fill up his veins like that and make him want to destroy absolutely everything around him, but above all, the person in front of him who’d he considered a friend all these years. On the verge of losing control, he reared up his fist, before Sunghoon said:

“You know what’s even sadder? She used to like you, too.”

His arm dropped. “What?”

“Yeah, in primary school. Didn’t you think it was weird how different she was before and after you left? Her little heartbreak made her change everything about herself just so that people would like her. And now all she can do is lie to everyone. I pity her, really. And to think that she thought I liked her. What an idiot.”

That was the last straw. Jay punched Sunghoon square in the nose, making him stumble back a few steps until he hit the wall again. He held onto his bloody, and possibly broken, nose and looked Jay straight in the eyes, still smirking. Thinking his job was done (but not sure what the job was in the first place), he walked away, heading to the nurses’ station. The scene had gathered quite an audience outside. It was less than ten minutes to the first bell, so already quite a few students were there, but no one had dared to venture inside. Jake, arriving too late to prevent any damage, looked wide-eyed back and forth between Sunghoon walking out and Jay standing inside, fists clenched by his side and panting from anger.

Sunghoon barely spared him or anyone a glance as he left the room. What he did notice though, were a crumpled tuna-mayo sandwich and a banana milk on the floor, looking as though someone had dropped them.

What had he done?

—

You had already run back to your friends and were currently crying for the second time in twelve hours in Sumin’s arms. It was the first time ever you cried at school, and probably also in front of your friends, spare Sumin, so it was a curious sight to most; she took you to another room for privacy. 

There, you practically told her everything you had told Sunoo the night before, including the fake dating.

“Wait… so, you and Sunghoon weren’t actually dating?”

You nodded, embarrassed by your lie.

“I- Why didn’t you tell me, Y/N? How could you fool everyone like that?”

You looked up in surprise at your friend’s harsh words. You probably deserved them, but you weren’t used to hearing her speak in such a way, nor to the cold stare she was peering down at you with. 

“I don’t know… I’m really sorry…” you mumbled, ashamed.

She scoffed. “You should be. I just- I just don’t understand how you can already be living such a lie, and still add onto it. It makes me wonder how I’m still friends with you.” The bell rang right at that moment, and she got up, saying, “Let’s go to class. You wouldn’t wanna be late.”

You followed her, but you felt sick to your stomach. Usually, you could always hide your discomfort or sadness, no matter how bad your period cramps were or how serious an argument with your parents had gotten. But this time, it was too much, and fifteen minutes into the class, you asked the teacher to go to the nurse. Not used to you needing to leave class and trusting that it was for a legitimate reason, your teacher let you off and you quickly packed your bag and left. 

When you got to the nurse, you sat down in front of her and said you weren’t feeling well and wanted to go home. For the same reasons as your teacher, she said she’d let you but needed to ask you a few questions before about your general well-being. You answered them quickly, wanting to get this over with as soon as possible and just go home. 

When you finally were able to leave, you only took a few steps out of the nurse’s office before someone grabbed your wrist, making you turn around. Sunghoon, who was resting in the room next door, had heard your voice and gotten up as soon as he’d heard you leave. His nose was covered in bandages and his eye had started swelling and turning blue, and you mentally thanked Jay. You ripped your arm out of his grip and continued to walk away without a word. You were too tired to argue.

“Y/N, please, hear me out.”

This made you stop in your tracks, but you didn’t turn around. “Hear you out? I’ve already heard enough, Sunghoon. No need to explain, you made it very clear what you think of me.”

You started walking again but he doubled you and blocked your path in the narrow hallway. 

“Y/N, I’m sorry, if you’d just give me a minute-”

“I don’t care that you’re sorry, Sunghoon! Sorry doesn’t cut it. I trusted you. Actually trusted you. You out of all people should know how hard it is to do that. Or was that a lie too?” Seeing him in front of you, your sadness retreated to the back of your heart and you were left with only anger. 

“It wasn’t, I prom-”

“That doesn’t mean anything to me anymore.” You pushed past him and walked on. And this time, he let you go, even though the only thing you wanted him to do was make you stay. You so desperately wanted to hear him out and forgive him, but you knew you couldn’t do that. You had too much dignity, and it would only end up hurting you even further. 

So you didn’t shed a tear the whole way home. When you finally got to your bed, you didn’t have the energy to start crying. You fell asleep, tears quietly rolling down your face. 

—

You slept the whole day, waking up to a soft knock on your bedroom door. It was your mom, telling you Jay was here to see you. Everyone had been surprised to see you already at home when they came back from work or school, but they knew better than to wake you up.

“I’m surprised, you know. He’s gotten so handsome.”

You rolled your eyes at her. “Just tell him that I’m not feeling well and he should go home, please.”

“Oh, I’ve already tried to, honey. The boy is adamant on seeing you.”

You sighed. “Fine. Can you bring him here, then?”

A few seconds later, you heard another knock, and Jay opened the door just enough to peek his head through, asking if he could come in.

“Well, you’re already here, so might as well.”

You sat up and gestured for him to sit down on your bed.

He looked around, taking in the messiness of his surroundings. “You know, I thought your room would be much more… organized.”

“Didn’t Sunghoon tell you? I’m a big, fat liar who hides the truth from everyone,” you said sarcastically.

“About that… did you hear everything he said?” You hummed in response. “I’m so sorry you had to hear that, Y/N. I don’t know what happened to him. He’d never said anything like that about you, and then, all of a sudden… What an asshole. I can’t believe he was my friend.”

“Was? You shouldn’t end your friendship over me, Jay.”

“Are you kidding me? I can’t be friends with a guy who talks about anyone like that, let alone you.” After a few minutes of silence, he asked, “Did um- did anything happen, for him to say those things?”

You sighed deeply. “I’ve already told this story twice in the past few days, so I’ll give you the short version, but basically, we were fake dating, and I started really liking him, and I thought he did too, until we kissed, and he left me completely stranded, and then the next day I hear him say all those things.”

Silence again. You suddenly remembered something Sunghoon had said that you had completely put to the side: Jay likes you. At least, according to Sunghoon. You didn’t know if it was true, but judging by his disappointed face, it looked like it. Seemed like all of your friendships were going to hell.

“Oh,” he simply said.

“Yeah…” you murmured back. 

“Well,” he turned to you, “that just confirms to me that he’s an asshole. Cause no guy in his right mind would turn you down, Y/N. I know I wouldn’t.”

He looked straight at you as he said that. Yep. Jay liked you. It was a nice feeling, but it was also about ten years too late. 

“Do you- do you know what I’m trying to say, Y/N?” he asked, gulping.

You hesitated for a second before saying, ”I think I do, Jay. I have to say, your timing isn’t great.”

He chuckled a bit lifelessly. “Yeah, I guess right now isn’t the best time to say this.”

“I also meant, you know what Sunghoon said, earlier? That I liked you before you left for the US? That was true.”

He looked at you, mouth agape. “Oh, was it…” His head hung down in defeat. “I can’t believe I’ve been such an idiot. I feel like it’s my fault that Sunghoon hurt you like this. If only I’d been just a bit earlier…”

“None of this is your fault, Jay. Please don’t think that. It’s mine for thinking Sunghoon could actually like me back.”

Jay took a deep breath. “God, as much as it hurts me to say, Y/N, I think he did. Or does, actually.” You furrowed your brows at him. “Sunghoon, he has this thing where he goes into retreat mode as soon as he gets too close, too personal. It’s a stupid defense mechanism, and when he realizes he’s let you in a bit too far, he snaps everything closed and hurts you before you can hurt him. At least, that’s how he sees it, I guess. He’s done it to Jake and me a couple times, and it takes some getting used to, but he stops after a while. When he knows for sure that you won’t hurt him.”

You didn’t know what to do with this information, so you just stayed quiet, which Jay took as a sign to go on.

“I’m not saying forgive him. Believe me, if I could smack him into space and never let him see you again, I would. But I think maybe, just maybe, and you don’t have to if you don’t want to, hear him out.”

You smiled at him. “You’re a good friend, Jay. And I don’t mean just to me but to Sunghoon as well. I hope you know that.”

Jay tried to ignore the pinch in his heart at the word ‘friend’ and smiled back.

“Oh, there’s another thing I needed to show you.” His tone was suddenly much more apprehensive, and he looked both sorry and scared to say whatever he was about to say.

He pulled out his phone and searched the thing in question. Before showing you anything, he warned, “Nobody knows who did this. It was sent out to the whole school on a library computer-”

Expecting the worst, you snatched Jay’s phone from his hands. And there they were. Pictures of you from your primary school years, recent pictures of you in your comfortable clothes, at home or in close proximity to your house. Sent out to the whole school, as Jay had said. You were horror-struck. You could feel all the years you had spent perfecting your image and maintaining it crumbling around you as though they were paper. Charismatic smiles and trendy accessories had been your brick and mortar, but a sledgehammer had hit them, destroying your foundations further with each swing.

And that sledgehammer had a name: Bae Sumin. You’d figured it out in an instant. You’d been friends your whole life, she was the only one apart from your family to know about your true face; only she would have access to such photos. You knew it wasn’t Sunghoon because the pictures he had taken that day weren’t there.

If what had happened with Sunghoon had made a crack in your heart, then this had shattered it into a million pieces. The person who you’d trusted the most, who you’d thought would never do anything to hurt you, had done the worst thing anybody could do to you.

“Y/N- are you okay?” Jay asked tentatively. You had forgotten he was there.

“Um, yeah, yeah- I think I just need to be alone for now, if that’s okay.”

“Are you sure? I don’t mind staying a while.”

“Sorry, Jay, but I’m sure.”

He looked at you for a few seconds. He’d never felt more distance between you two, not even when you had been oceans apart. “Alright. Call me if you need anything. I mean it.”

You smiled a tiny, tiny smile in response and he left your room. On his way out, your mom hugged him, saying it was nice to see him again and that he was welcome anytime, and he thanked her.

As he walked home, he couldn’t help but bitterly laugh to himself. Even when he confessed, he hadn’t been able to say the words he’d wanted to tell you this whole time: I love you.

—

You didn’t go to school for the rest of the week, the only stain on your perfect attendance record. All of your friends had tried to reach you, asking if you were okay, and you replied in a few small messages, telling them you’d be back when you could. Other people had contacted you, asking if those pictures were real. You obsessed over your school’s gossip Instagram account: the past few days, all the posts had been dedicated to your pictures and Sunghoon’s and Jay’s fight. You had ten missed calls from Sunghoon and seventeen from Sumin. You ignored each and everyone of them, only giving Jay, Heeseung, Sieun and Jiung the time of day. 

On Sunday morning you woke up, already dreading going to school the next day. You could already picture the nasty stares and whispers you’d get in the hallways. You thought about facing Sumin and Sunghoon again, and you thought the worst thing possible would be to have to do it at school. So you decided to wait until they called you again, as you knew they would, and finally picked up their call.

Sumin contacted you first, at eleven in the morning. You agreed to have her come over to your house to talk. When she appeared at your front door, you realized you weren’t sad, angry, or disappointed; you were just confused. You didn’t understand why she’d done it. Looking at her face, you couldn’t imagine her sitting down at that computer and sending out those pictures, writing the comment This is what Kim Y/N is like in real life.

You let her in and walked to your room, your siblings’ eyes burning holes into her soul the whole time. You sat down on your bed, sighed, and said, “Go ahead.”

“Thank you for letting me come here and explain myself. I don’t know what took over me, Y/N. Well actually, I guess I do. Jealousy, as stupid as it sounds.” She chuckled at herself. “I’ve always tried to hide it, but I’ve always been a bit jealous of you, Y/N. You’re the prettiest girl, the smartest, the nicest, and I’m just the best friend. That’s all anyone knows me as. Everybody loves you, yet I know it’s all a facade. And I’m not saying that to be mean, because I know you’re an amazing person even without all the glamor. And when I saw you with Sunghoon, I mean, you saw how I was. I didn't fight with my parents. I was so, so jealous. You hadn’t shown interest in any guy since Choi Soobin and all of a sudden you were dating Park freaking Sunghoon, and he knew about your quote-on-quote ‘real’ face, so I couldn’t even comfort myself that he didn’t know who you really were.”

“Wait- why would you be jealous of Sunghoon and me?”

She took a deep breath. “You remember, freshman year, when I confessed to him and he turned me down?”

“Yeah, but I thought that was in the past.”

“Do you also remember that guy I told you about later on, who I’d gotten really close with but completely shut me off when I thought we were about to start dating?”

Something clicked, but you didn’t want to face it. “Yeah…”

“Well, surprise surprise, they were the same person. Ha. I got mad at you for lying to me, but I did the same thing.”

“Sumin… Why did you never tell me?”

“I’m not sure. When we were in that talking stage, I could’ve bragged about it to anyone, you know, that Park Sunghoon was actually being nice to me, but I didn’t. I wanted to keep him my little secret. And then I confessed, and we all know how that ended.” A beat passes as she takes a deep breath, shaking the bad memory away. “I am over it, it was more than three years ago. Maybe there was a nice part of me that thought he had changed, because you seemed happy with him, and I didn’t want to ruin that. But maybe there was another part that hoped he might hurt you like he did me. And that’s such a shitty thing to do, I know. I should’ve told you when I saw you get involved with him. I can’t believe after all these years, he did the exact same thing to you that he did to me. What an asshole.”

You were staring at the wall in front of you, feeling empty. Why did everything have to happen at the same time? You were just drained of any willpower.

“This doesn’t explain the pictures,” you said plainly.

“Right. When you told me you were fake dating, I guess something snapped in me. I couldn’t believe it was another lie, I thought we had gone past the stage where you hid things from me. So that, plus jealousy, I just went a bit crazy, I think. I really wasn’t thinking, Y/N, and I promise you with all my heart that if I could go back and undo everything, I would. I’m so, so, so sorry. I regretted it as soon as I hit post.”

You looked at your friend and knew she was telling the truth. You believed her, and yet you couldn’t quite look past it.

“I know you are, Minie. It’s just… what am I gonna do now at school? Everybody must hate me.”

“I won’t lie, some people haven’t been saying the nicest things, especially Park’s fangirls. But God, Y/N, and please don’t take this the wrong way, but who cares? They’ll talk about it for a week, two at most. Your life at school won’t be the same, but you’ll still have all of us. I’ve talked to Heeseung, Sieun and Jiung, and they’re not the tiniest bit mad at you. They’re just worried to death. A bit confused too, but mostly worried. And you know what? Even Yujin, Wonyoung and Gaeul, who I’ve literally never talked to before, came to ask me how you were. Jay and Sunghoon are barely on talking terms but they always team up when it comes to practically verbally assaulting anyone they overhear talking behind your back. Jake has to hold them back sometimes but he always glares at those people too. You don’t wanna see Jake Sim glare, I promise you. It’s so scary,” she says in a confessional tone, visibly shuddering just at the thought of angel-faced Jake looking angry, and you can’t help the small chuckle that escapes your lips.

Her face softens as she places a warm palm over your hand. “We all love you and care for you so much, so screw literally every single other person in that school. They don’t matter.”

There was something refreshing about Sumin’s words. The idea that you could live your life without worrying about other people had always been in the back of your head, but you always told yourself you were in too deep to go back. Now that you had been forced to, you understood why you felt so empty: the immense weight of having to keep up a persona, had been lifted off your shoulders. You would only have to carry yourself, and not a second person, which made you feel weightless. You’d just have to get used to it and come to enjoy that feeling.

You took your friend’s hands in yours. “I want to forgive you, I promise I do. And I will. I just don’t know if I can do that right away. I’ll need some getting used to this new life.”

“I completely understand, Y/N.”

“But that doesn’t mean I don’t want you around anymore. And you know what, I’m sure one day I’ll look back at this moment and thank you.”

—

Sumin left a few hours later and you were now waiting for Sunghoon to call you. You waited and waited, until your phone rang with a small ding: he wasn’t calling you, but had sent you a message. A very, very long message. You were very tempted to reply with a I ain’t reading all that. I’m happy for u tho. Or sorry that happened, but you thought it might not be the appropriate moment. 

You opened the message, which had come after thirty unread texts, and started reading, slightly appalled by the lack of paragraphing.

Dear Y/N, 

Is this how you start a long text? I would much rather be telling you this than writing it, but someone hasn’t been picking up my calls. Sorry. I probably shouldn’t be giving you much attitude right now. Where do I even start? The ice rink, I guess. Asshole move #1, obviously. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left you like that. That kiss was really really good and I really really liked it. Because I really really like you. And I think I’ve known that for a while now, but the kiss confirmed it. And I was happy for a second, but then I panicked. There’s no other word for it, I panicked. I’ve never liked someone this much before and I was so scared. I still am. I’m terrified shitless. But I know that my fear is completely irrational, and that you’re literally the best person on Earth, which is why I’m writing this. I know it’s cliché to say my mom left me and now I think everybody will. And my first reaction to that is to hurt someone before they can hurt me, which is what I did. But as much as I wanna fight it, it’s always there at the back of my mind. You can even ask Sumin about it. Should I be saying that? I feel like I might as well. I was an asshole to her, and I’m so angry at myself that I did it again with you. I didn’t mean a single word of what I said about you to Jay. Not a single one. You’re not stupid, you’re the smartest and most amazing girl I know, and I never pretended I liked you, because I never had to. I think I just wanted Jay to punch me, really. I wanted him to run to you and make sure you were okay, because I was too scared to do that myself. But I regret doing that so much. I hope you know that. And bless Jay, he’s a real one. He told me to get my shit together and talk to you. I can tell he’s still mad at me but still wants to make things good between us. I was already trying to call you before he said that, but I probably would’ve said something stupid that would’ve made things worse. And I can’t afford that, Y/N, I really, really can’t. You get me like no one does and being with you is the most liberating thing ever, I’m never myself more than when I’m around you. You just bring out the best in me. Well, except for that thing I did. Which I promise I’ll never do again. I am so extremely sorry, and if you wanna hate me for the rest of your life, I completely get it. But I would also be very happy if you didn’t. I hope I’ll see you tomorrow at school. I really miss you.

Your Hoon

You wiped away the tears that had formed in your eyes and typed back:

You’re such an idiot, Park.

I’ll see you tomorrow.

—

The next day, as you imagined, was mostly hell. You’d decided not to dress up as usual: there was no point trying to look good after this, it would only make you seem more ridiculous. You put less makeup on, not bothering to hide your eye bags, and didn’t bling your outfit up with accessories or fancy shoes, opting for your worn-out Converse you’d had since your feet stopped growing. On the bus, where people usually ignored each other, you could already feel the gossip being told about you. You avoided people’s gaze like the plague and sat down next to Sumin. You laid your head on her shoulder and sighed.

“I already wanna go home.”

She laughed, “I know. We’ll be with you the whole day, so don’t worry.”

You spent the bus ride catching up on what had happened when you were gone (nothing much), and although there was some awkwardness there, it was nice being with your best friend. When Heeseung got on, he practically screamed your name and suffocated you by means of greeting.

“I’m so glad you’re back. You know, I think you look really cute in those pictures. All these people are just jealous they don’t look as good as you even when you don’t dress up.”

Sumin shot daggers with her eyes at him and he cringed, saying, “Sorry, I shouldn’t have mentioned that.”

You reassured him, saying that it was fine since it was all you were going to be hearing the next few days. “Might as well get used to it.”

It was somewhat easy to ignore the stares coming your way when you walked into school with Heeseung and Sumin flanked at your sides like bodyguards. When you reached your classroom, Jiung engulfed you in a hug and Sieun was almost crying. How the hell had you gotten such sweet friends? 

In the hallways, some people tried to get reactions out of you by calling you out, yelling liar! or you can’t fool us anymore. You couldn’t ignore them as they were very much in your face. When at lunch, a table of girls next to you was very clearly talking about you in the nastiest way possible, you took your tray and were ready to get up and leave, but a very familiar voice stopped you in your tracks.

“You think it’s funny talking about someone like that?” Sunghoon was practically screaming at the girls. “You think you’re any better than her? I bet you do the exact same thing but are just glad someone else got called out for it.” You weren’t sure if that made you feel much better, but you appreciated the effort.

“As a matter of fact,” he continued as he pulled out a chair and got up on it, his voice getting louder, “I’ve got something I wanna say to everyone.”

Somebody whooped (probably Jake) and you tried to get Sunghoon to come down from the chair, but he just smiled his radiant smile at you and turned to look at the students in the cafeteria.

“All of you who judge Y/N are hypocrites. You wanna tell me you’re all as perfect at home as you are at school? That you never relax a little bit? Sure, she pushed it a bit far- (hey! you grunted in protest), but nobody shows who they truly are to everyone. We all judge each other in this stupid high school, so Y/N did what she had to do and protected herself. If anything, this should make you respect her even more. And it’s not like she did anything wrong to you. She didn’t use her popularity against anyone, so you better not use this against her.”

From the crowded tables in the cafeteria, somebody yelled “Nobody cares!”

Somebody, whose voice you thought you recognized as Jungwon’s, joined in: “Yeah, what is it about you seniors and thinking the whole school revolves around you? We still like Y/N!”

Sunghoon, taken aback, simply said, “Oh. Alright. Well, you better keep it that way then!” and got off his chair. 

He turned to you, already a pleading look on his face and said “Y/N, I’m so sorry-”

But you cut him off right away. “I know, Sunghoon, I know. I think this proved it.”

“I really wanna make it up to you. So just tell me what you want me to do, and I’ll do it. Buy you a house, move to another country, you name it. I’ll do it.”

You chuckled at him. “You don’t need to go that far.” You looked down, then back at him. “I think I just want to pretend like nothing happened. Like it was all a huge, awful fever dream. Even if I can’t forgive and forget right away, I don’t think I want you out of my life while I figure it out.”

He let out the biggest sigh you’d ever heard. “My God, you don’t know how happy to hear that, Y/N. Thank you so much.”

“Thank you for defending me just now. That was… definitely something.”

He smiled down at you. "I did my best. Too bad those sophomores ruined everything.”

You could feel eyes burning into your sides, so you turned your head a bit and noticed that your friends and the table of girls that had just been gossiping were staring at you, some of them teary-eyed. When they saw you notice them, they all turned back to each other and pretended that they were having some other conversation. You and Sunghoon chuckled, and you realized how much you had missed him.

Yes, Sunghoon and Sumin had hurt you, but you were a strong believer of second chances. Even if it was hard at first to stop thinking about Sunghoon’s voice when he had said those things or Sumin’s intentions when she posted the pictures, they’d made it up to you in any way they could and you’d reciprocated that by being completely honest. No more trying to look perfect all the time; you were human and were allowed to have low moments. Your grades even dropped by two points, because you’d started spending more time with your friends than with your textbooks. You’d spent whole Saturdays at the ice rink with your now real-boyfriend Sunghoon, and had invited the whole crew. Heeseung was surprisingly good at it. You had even caught your little sister Yeeun on a date with the cute Japanese boy she’d talked about. 

As promised, Jay came once a week or every two weeks to have dinner with your family; Sunghoon always insisted on being present. The tension between them had turned into friendly competition, and you could tell the two friends were glad to have each other back. 

You’d never felt so free. Your relationship with Sunghoon felt like uncharted territory and home at the same time; so daunting and exciting yet so comfortable and relaxing. You kept the PDA at a minimum at school, but when it was just the two of you, your whole body never failed to heat up, even in the cold of the ice rink. He had been nicknamed the ice prince, but he was so, so warm.

In the end, everybody found out. But you had Park Sunghoon by your side, so it was alright.

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[coloursflyaway]

Good Enough

Pairing: Edwin Payne/Charles Rowland

Rating: T

Word Count: 4.000

Read on AO3

So, Edwin is in love with him.

Edwin loves him, and Charles genuinely never even considered the possibility of this, of them, before.

It might be because, back when he was still alive, his dad would have beaten the notion right out of him, but then again, his dad has been wrong about most things in his life, so fuck him.

So, Edwin is in love with him.

It’s… quite flattering, actually. To think that Edwin, who is beautiful and intelligent and educated, who can recite his favourite Keats poem by heart just as easily as tell you his favourite Mozart aria (it’s Konstanze, dich wiederzusehen from Die Entführung aus dem Serail, Edwin told him that, years ago), who knows spells and can read ancient Aramaic, who is the kindest, most brilliant person Charles has ever known, would love him.

Now, Charles knows that he is easy enough on the eyes, good with words and people, and has one hell of a swing if you give him a cricket bat, but the only reason he knows any Mozart aria is because Edwin showed them to him.

The only reason he knows Keats’ poetry is because Edwin would read them to him on slow, warm summer nights in the early 2000s.

The only reason he is here, is because Edwin let him stay.

So, it’s special, having someone like Edwin love him.

It’s fucking terrifying.

Because Charles is now holding the heart of the person he loves most in the world, and it’s a bigger responsibility than any he has ever taken on before.

He can’t fuck this up.

The thing is that nothing changes between them at all.

Charles isn’t sure if he expected it to, but what he is relatively certain about is that it most likely should. After all, it was an unexpected revelation, probably to both of them, definitely a shift in their relationship.

And yet, when Charles looks at Edwin, who is reading a novel whose name he cannot make out, curled up on the couch they have gotten for Crystal (and sometimes Jenny), he doesn’t feel different at all.

It’s still Edwin, his best mate, the boy that read to him when he was dying so he wouldn’t have to do it alone, who tries to smile whenever Charles shows him a new song he has fallen in love with, and occasionally fails hilariously at, who Charles would protect with his life and his soul and his cricket bat, no matter how high the stakes.

I love you the most, Charles thinks to himself, and smiles, because nothing about that has changed, either.

He has told Edwin that they would have forever to figure out the rest, and it’s the truth, technically speaking.

However, Charles doesn’t, because it’s Edwin and he has given Charles his heart and he doesn’t deserve to wait that long for an answer. It would be cruel in a way Charles cannot comprehend, and if there is anyone who doesn’t deserve more cruelty in their existence, it’s Edwin Payne.

The only problem with that fact is that Charles doesn’t know the answer.

He’s been thinking about it a lot, but the thing is, he’s never been in love before.

So he doesn’t really know what to compare his feelings for Edwin to, because, of course, they are greater than for anyone else, of course, Charles would sacrifice anything and anyone for Edwin, especially himself, of course, making Edwin smile is his favourite part of any day.

Because he loves Edwin, everything about him.

But is he, could he be, in love with Edwin?

Charles doesn’t know, nor does he know how to find out. It’s not like he hasn’t tried, but every novel he has paged through, every silly romcom he has watched, has been talking about butterflies in someone’s stomach, of seeing them in some new, golden light, of hearing violins playing when they speak, and Charles very much doubts that Edwin feels any of those things for him.

Otherwise he wouldn’t raise his eyebrows like that when he thinks Charles is being an insufferable little prick, he wouldn’t roll his eyes and tell him, “I know, Charles, you have told me a thousand times before”, whenever Charles brings up how much he wishes he could still taste things, or groan whenever Charles attempts to convince him to just try and let him put on some eyeliner.

(It’s just that Edwin would look so pretty like that, some kohl to bring out the warmth of his eyes, making them stand out even more than they do anyway.)

So all this talk of violins and sparkles and the need to give someone roses, if Edwin doesn’t feel that when he says he is love with Charles, then it’s pointless to consider, and anyway, those books and films describe people who have just met, not those who have known each other for twice as long as they were alive.

Maybe if he had just met Edwin, he would be hearing violins, Charles definitely thinks it’s possible.

Especially the violins in Konstanze, dich wiederzusehen.

“I just need some time alone”, Crystal says, putting on her jacket, while already opening the door. “And I am aware that that is a novel concept for the two of you, since you are basically attached at the hip, but for me, an alive human being, it’s really important to occasionally have a second of peace between almost dying and whatever we will have going on next.”

She stops to put on her shoes, almost falling over in the process, and Charles and Edwin share a look, a smile, and Charles thinks, I love you the most.

“Don’t follow me”, Crystal tells them, especially Charles, and it’s kind of cute, actually. “I’m going to get the biggest frappuchino Starbucks is legally allowed to serve me and I will not tolerate any ghostly company while doing that.”

Charles holds up his hands, still grinning, indicating his surrender in a battle he wasn’t aware they were fighting, and Crystal gives him a single nod before she walks out.

“So”, Charles starts, and turns around to face Edwin, who is already looking back, “what do we think this frappuchino she was talking about, is?”

Actually, there is one thing that changes between them after all.

It’s subtle, at least at first, but looking back, Charles isn’t quite sure how he managed to miss it for the few weeks that have passed. Maybe it was the shock of almost being forced to move on to the afterlife, the chaos of getting Crystal and Jenny settled in London, the fact that it seems to increase only slowly, incrementally.

Edwin has never been a physically affectionate person, completely contrary to how Charles is.

If it had been up to him alone, he would have hugged Edwin much more often, would have leant against him when they were looking through a book together, would have held hands to keep them from losing each other when things got hectic. But it wasn’t, and that was fine, so it was occasional touches instead, a hand on Edwin’s upper arm, his back, ruffling his perfect hair when he was doing something kind of dumb, kind of cute.

(That one always made him duck his head and smile, glance up at Charles through his lashes and allow a second to pass before he started fixing his hair again.)

Now, however, it’s… it’s not getting better, because there was nothing wrong with it in the first place, Edwin’s aversion to physical affection, but it is changing now.

It’s less that he initiates it, more than he allows it to happen more frequently. Sitting down next to Charles on the sofa instead of taking the armchair, allowing Charles’ hand to linger on his arm for a moment longer than expected, letting their shoulders brush when walking.

He’s not asking to be touched, not really, but something about it still makes Charles irrationally happy as soon as he catches onto it. Because Edwin deserves all the affection the world can offer, and Charles will always be here to give it to him.

So he reaches out in the morning, when the sun has just started to rise, and puts his hand on the curve of Edwin’s shoulder, right where it meets his neck, and points out that the clouds are turning the most beautiful pink. He throws his legs across Edwin’s lap when they settle down on the sofa at night, a book in Edwin’s hands, the tablet Crystal made him buy in Charles’. He pushes his fingers through Edwin’s hair, not to ruffle it, but just to pretend he can feel its softness against his skin.

It makes Edwin duck his head again, give Charles a little smile when looking up, and Charles thinks, I love you the most.

And thinks, I want to love you the most in every way you will have me.

“Jenny, I have a question”, Charles starts as soon as he has phased through the walls of her new butcher shop. It’s to her credit that she hardly reacts; the first time he had done that, she had thrown a meat cleaver right through his head. “What do you know about love?”

Instead of a knife, Jenny just throws him a weary look, an eyebrow elegantly arched. It makes Charles think of being scolded by the headmistress, a sensation that should be much more unpleasant than it is.

“Nothing”, Jenny answers and brings her cleaver down with a dull thud, separating flesh from bone, before looking up at Charles again. “No one ever knows anything about love and if they try to tell you otherwise, they are lying.”

There is a certain sense of finality in her voice and Charles knows he has been dismissed, no detention this time, but don’t dare to push it.

“Great”, he mutters, more to himself than to Jenny, “that doesn’t help me at all.”

“You should look at this, Charles”, Edwin says and turns the book towards him.

It’s late at night, Crystal having long since gone home and they are sat on the sofa, shoulders touching while they do their research. A new case has come up, and Edwin is trying to learn more about ancient Celtic runes, while Charles is pouring over a map of London’s underground; now, he looks up and at the page Edwin is showing him.

“We could add this to your bat”, Edwin explains, “it’s a rune for physical strength. Supposedly, it doubles whatever force you put into a hit.”

“Edwin, mate, are you trying to tell me I need help with hitting people?”

Charles is grinning, obviously teasing, and Edwin just scoffs, rolls his eyes.

And that is what Charles means; this isn’t birdsong and candle light, this is just how they always have been. This is what makes them them, even.

“Charles, do be serious”, Edwin replies, but there is affection in his voice, there is love. “I am perfectly aware that you can hit things very well, but that doesn’t mean that hitting them even better wouldn’t be an advantage.”

“I know. This is brills”, Charles concedes, and on a whim, nothing more than that, presses a quick kiss to Edwin’s cheek.

For a moment, he almost expects Edwin to admonish him, because this isn’t exactly something that they do, but instead he stares at him, before he ducks his head; Charles isn’t sure how he knows this, but if Edwin could, he would be blushing.

And it does something to Charles’ head, the thought that he would be able to make Edwin blush. It makes him stop dead in his tracks, look at Edwin not like he is seeing him for the first time, but like he could be looking at him for the rest of his existence and not get bored of it.

“Do you wanna do the honours of carving it? Since you were the one who found the thing?”, he asks just to say something, aware that his voice sounds slightly off, and thinks, I love you the most. I love you the most. I love you the most.

“Very well done, Charles”, Edwin tells him and clasps a long-fingered hand on Charles’ shoulder, peering down at the leprechaun he knocked out clean with his bat a few seconds before.

The rune really makes it pack a punch.

“I don’t think this will pose any further problems”, Edwin continues even as he crouches down to examine the passed-out form crumpled on the ground. He prods at it gently.

“It fucking better”, Charles replies, resisting the urge to pull Edwin away from the leprechaun, just in case that touching it might have some kind of magical side effect. “And if not, I’ll punch it right back out. I’ve got an Edwin Payne-improved bat after all, it won’t stand a chance.”

Just for good measure, he twirls the bat around once, twice.

This has always been one of his favourite parts of the job, the simple pleasure of knocking someone out before they get the chance to hurt his friends.

Edwin looks up at him from where he is crouching, and Charles grins at him, metaphorical adrenaline running through his non-existent veins still. He would punch out a bear if Edwin asked it of him.

Before he can say anything else, though, Crystal clears her throat from behind him, sounding decidedly less impressed.

“That’s really cool, yeah. New bat, I get it”, she says, walking around Charles so she, too, can see the unconscious leprechaun. “But you do remember that we actually wanted to talk to him, right?”

They get to talk to the leprechaun in the end, who turns out to be about as obnoxious as expected, but does admit to stealing the heirloom they were looking for for his pot of gold.

He even gives it back, but only after Charles has started twirling his bat again.

“And another satisfied customer”, Charles comments as they return to the agency, flinging his backpack into the corner.

“Client, you mean”, Edwin corrects, but still smiles at him, and pats the space next to him as soon as he sits down on the sofa. Charles flings himself down without a second thought, legs landing somewhere across Edwin’s laps, one of his hands settling on Charles’ ankles.

This is new, at least to some extent, and Charles loves it, the feeling of Edwin’s fingers on him. It feels right, somehow.

I just really love you the most, he thinks.

“Yeah, whatever”, he concedes and looks over at Crystal, who is watching them with something in her eyes that Charles cannot quite place. Not bad, per se, just…. Strange. “Doesn’t sound that good though, does it? And anyway, the most important thing is that they’re satisfied, right? Passed on right to the afterlife, no worries keeping them here any longer.”

“As if it’s only worries that could keep one here”, Edwin replies, his tone as dry as the desert, but making Charles laugh anyway. “We should be the best example for that.”

“You know what I mean!”, he shoots back, “It isn’t like with us, is it? Don’t think that the client was kept back by meeting the love of their life, were they now?”

It spills from his lips like nothing, without Charles thinking about it for a single second.

He’s still laughing, but Edwin’s fingers have stopped where they were gently stroking across the arch of his foot, and then Charles realises it, and for the first time, hears silence.

For the first time since they got back from Hell, they part when Crystal leaves.

The conversation had been stilted after Charles’...slip up? blunder? confession? and although it had been obvious that all three of them had been trying, it had been impossible to get things back on track.

So, Charles leaves with Crystal, telling Edwin he will walk her home, although that is something he has never done before, and Crystal lets him, although he is fairly certain she wouldn’t under normal circumstances.

She doesn’t need anyone protecting her from the city she grew up in after all.

“How do you know you’re in love with someone?”, Charles asks after they have walked in silence for a few minutes. He can’t think of a way to cushion the question, how to make it less awkward to ask, so he doesn’t bother with it at all.

“This is about Edwin?”, she asks, seemingly to clarify, and Charles nods mutely, not looking up at her. “I’m not sure. Especially not when it comes to the two of you. For Edwin, I could have seen from miles away that he was in love with you, even if he hadn’t reacted like he did when we first met. For you… you love him, anyone with eyes could see that, but if you’re in love with him, I think you have to figure that out yourself.”

“Do you know how it feels, though? Being in love?”, he asks, just in case Crystal can at least tell him that.

“I’m not sure”, she answers after a moment, then links their arms together, pulling Charles closer. “I think that’s different for everyone. But I’m sure you’ll be able to figure out what it feels like to you if you let yourself.”

He walks Crystal home, but when she asks if he wants to stay, Charles just shakes his head.

Edwin is back at the agency, and Charles isn’t sure exactly in which state, what he is thinking, and Charles cannot allow that. At least not for long.

What he does, though, is taking a little detour to the park not too far from their building.

It’s the first time he really pays it any mind, even if it’s most likely not the first time he’s been there, but now, Charles lays down on the grass, looking up at the night sky.

London is too bright for him to see many stars, but there’s a few of them; Edwin would surely be able to point out a constellation or two.

And that’s the thing, isn’t it.

Edwin isn’t here, and yet he is with Charles anyway, always, in every moment of his existence.

Sighing, he scrubs a hand down his face. There’s no way around it, it has to be now, and it has to be the right answer, the one he truly means, because Edwin deserves nothing but that.

No false hope, and no heartbreak that might be taken back along the line.

So, he thinks of Edwin, of his elegant hands and the swagger in his walk when he feels confident, of the colour of his hair and of his eyes, of the curves and slopes and sharp cuts of his face.

He loves that face, has seen it with every possible expression painted across of it, and still loves it.

The stars above are dim and partly hidden behind the clouds, so Charles lets his eyes slip shut, and imagines coming home to the agency and taking Edwin’s hands in his.

They would be just a little smaller than his own, his fingers slender and yet so capable, and if he could still feel, Charles is convinced they would feel cool against his skin.

He imagines pulling Edwin close and holding him like he has always wanted to, burying his face against the side of Edwin’s neck and pretending he can breathe in his scent. Having Edwin sneak his arms around Charles’ waist and cling to the back of his jacket, like he doesn’t want to let go again.

In his imagination, it feels a little like the hug they shared after being granted asylum on Earth, but it would be entirely different, because it wouldn’t be out of relief.

Instead, it would be just them, embracing to feel the other close.

And he thinks of pulling back from the hug, seeing Edwin smile and kissing the curve of his lips, nipping at them until he can make Edwin laugh and teasing his mouth open to lick into it.

It would be like kissing Crystal, kind of, only that-

Only that it wouldn’t be like that at all.

He runs back to the agency, as fast as his spectral feet can carry him.

Edwin is sitting right where he left him, almost like he hadn’t moved an inch since Charles walked out of the door, and he hopes to all deities he can think of that it isn’t so; knows, at the same time, that it is.

“Hi”, Charles greets, because he doesn’t know what else to say, and Edwin nods and gives him a smile, brittle and unsure and hopeful, all at once.

“Hello, Charles. Did Crystal get home safe?”, he asks, and it’s so painfully polite it makes Charles cringe.

“Yeah. Yeah, sure, of course she did”, he responds, trying to figure out how to begin saying what he needs Edwin to know, but Edwin beats him to it.

“Did you mean it?”, Edwin asks, breathes out the question like he still has lungs to do so, and it’s in that moment that Charles is more certain of his answer than anything else he has ever thought, because Edwin sounds small, sounds vulnerable and breakable and yet so fucking hopeful, and Charles wants to pick him up and cradle him against his chest and never let go again.

“Yes”, he says, and it’s sunrise and violins and bouquets of roses all at once, it’s a single word that changes the world around them. “Kind of. Let me explain.”

And Edwin nods, sits back with his hands in his lap and all Charles can think about is that those same hands belong holding a book, resting on the top of Charles’ legs, which should be flung carelessly across Edwin’s lap, just because Charles wants to be near him.

“You’re the love of my life, no matter what”, he starts, crouching down in front of Edwin so he can take his hands; they look so lost. “You have been for decades. I love you the most of anything in the world. I will always love you the most. Every time I look at you, it’s just that on repeat in my head. I love you the most.”

He ducks his head, laughing softly, because it sounds silly now that he says it out-loud, but when he looks back up, there are tears brimming in Edwin’s eyes, making them shine even brighter.

His lips are parted and for just a moment, Charles thinks about kissing them.

“And you know, I still can’t say that I am in love with you back, because you don’t deserve a lie, but what I can say, what I can promise you, is that I could fall in love with you. And that I want to. More than anything.”

A single tear rolls down Edwin’s cheek, glistening in the dim light, and Charles looks at him, and thinks, I do. I am. I love you the most.

“Could that be enough?”, he asks, squeezing Edwin’s hands in his. “At least for the start?”

And Edwin nods so frantically that more tears spill over, wetting his face, and Charles can’t help but laugh; how strange to think that making Edwin cry for once is not his biggest fear, but something that fills his heart with joy to the point of bursting.

“Okay. Brills, that’s-”, he replies, and can’t keep himself from smiling so wide it would hurt if he was still alive. “So, um. Can I kiss you? I really want to kiss you right now.”

Again, Edwin nods, and he is smiling, too, looks so happy that Charles thinks heaven must be overrated, because nothing in the whole of existence could compare to this.

He thinks of the scene he pictured in the park of holding Edwin close and how much in pales in comparison to this, to holding Edwin’s hands and watching him glow with love and hope and warmth.

And leans in to find out if the same is true for kissing him.

(It is.)

#dead boy detectives #dead boy detective agency #dbd #edwin payne #edwin paine #charles rowland #painland #payneland #paynland #chedwin #charles x edwin #edwin x charles #i have written 10k for them now it has been 4 days since i watched the show #what is happening

[dadrielle]

So I have this theory about ships.

I've spent the last 15 years or so raging against "The Moonlighting Curse" as my own personal nemesis (also known more in fannish parlance as Shipping Bed Death). I find the idea that a couple being together is by its very nature boring super fucking maddening. I think if you can't write people in love and together in an interesting way, it just means you haven't learned how to do that yet. It's very often the cook, not the ingredients, you know?

There are a lot of stories that get characters together badly, though, that can't be disputed. Getting a couple together does scuttle some narratives. And while I do think some of it has to do with the fact that "will they/won't they" has a lot of tropes that can act as crutches for bad writers, and interesting and functional couples require more skill to write because there isn't enough of a similar scaffold to work from...there's another aspect I been thinking about lately. And that's intensity.

See, the reason "will they/won't they" is so juicy is because of the sexual tension, right? That intensifies all the interactions between the two characters, which gets us way more invested. A lot of our fav shit, like rivals to lovers, starcrossed lovers, etc etc etc, it's about creating circumstances that also amp up the tension and therefore the intensity.

When the sexual tension breaks, the first thing writers often do is look for new ways of adding in tension. A very large percentage of the time, that's by creating rifts between the characters in question, or tearing them apart in some way. The problem with that - beyond making the fans/viewer/reader feel jerked around - is that it's usually not intensifying the right thing. By focusing on the tension for its own sake, you can miss intensifying the actual draw, which is the power of the relationship itself. You can actually break your ship by trying to intensify it too hard with tension, especially by having characters lie and cheat on each other and otherwise treat each other terribly. Like sure, sometimes people like to experience characters destroying each other from the inside out! But that's not the draw of ships for a lot of people. Sometimes it's just sad, and not even in a fun way.

But here's the thing! Tension is not the only intensifier that exists. You can, for instance, intensify a relationship in canon by making them absolutely batshit insane about each other. My theory is that what we need more of is ships that get together and become fucking Morticia and Gomez Addams about it. Just doing the absolute MOST all the time in a way that no people in their right mind would do in real life. Just make them absolutely bonkers.

Crank that fucking dial baybeeeee. They are so, so in love and it would be alarming if it weren't so beautiful.

#shipping #relationships #writing #meta

[say-al0e]

Dark Cloud

rating: pg

Summary: If anyone understands the pain of losing someone you've already mourned, it's Jake. (AKA my dad passed a little over a month ago and it’s been difficult to understand my emotions so I’m doing what I do best and write about it) Warnings: Death of a parent, bad relationship with parents, abusive parent, self-deprecation, general anxiety, grief, feelings, etc. (Anything else and I’ll tag it.) Pairing: Jake 'Hangman' Seresin x GN!Reader (Pretty sure GN but if you catch anything, let me know and I’ll change it to the correct pairing) Word Count: 3.8k Top Gun Taglist | Top Gun Masterlist

Jake Seresin was not known for his silence.

At any given moment, he could be counted on to produce a witty quip or sarcastic comment. He was known for having a big ego and an even bigger mouth. To those who knew him - those who loved him - it was a mild annoyance. To those who didn’t, it was infuriating.

Despite his reputation, however, there were moments of relative quiet in the life you shared with Jake.

There were moments of quiet reflection, often in the days before or after a deployment, where he ruminated on what he’d done with his life - the things he’d accomplished and grew prouder of with each passing day, the things he had yet to achieve but knew were within his reach, the future he’d built with you.

There were moments of bliss, comfortable stretches of time where no words were needed as you allowed yourselves to disappear into your own little world. Those moments were few and far between as you were rarely left alone long enough, but you savored every chance you had to enjoy the life you’d built together.

There were moments of discontent, seconds that felt like hours passing in an uncomfortable lull that only amplified the insecurities or worries or sorrows either of you felt. Those moments dragged on, heavy and bitter in an otherwise beautiful existence, but were luckily few and far between.

Some of the moments of quiet you shared stretched on endlessly and you were grateful. The moments of quiet bliss and peaceful contentment were moments you wouldn’t trade for anything. Others grew less intense with time but you were still grateful for them as they encouraged growth.

But as you sat in a deckchair almost as old as you in a backyard you’d spent a different lifetime in, one of those moments you hoped would disappear just as quickly as it began enveloped you.

This moment was not one driven by Jake. The silence was not his choice - not something prompted by a reflection on his own mortality or the future he often worried he was jeopardizing by following his dreams. There was no bliss, no pride, no happiness, no worry for himself. This moment was one he held entirely for you.

Three days had been spent in a heavy hush, a silence that pressed on your chest and left Jake quieter than you’d ever seen him. He’d been rendered speechless after a short midnight phone call from your mother and chose his words carefully in the days leading up to the moment you found yourself desperate to run from. The silence was tentative, as if he knew one wrong word would snip the fraying thread you found yourself clinging to, and you hated it.

Though you’d often asked him to be quiet - almost always teasingly - and though his presence brought you comfort, his silence only made the overwhelming noise of your thoughts that much harder to withstand.

Despite finding yourself surrounded by family, the vast majority knew little about you. Jake, however, knew you well. He knew that you’d spent those three days struggling to understand - to rationalize, to compartmentalize - feelings that were complicated at best. He knew when you needed guiding, when you needed him to ask questions to help catalogue what you felt. He knew when you needed him to distract you, offering you stories from his last deployment to pull you away from the heaviness at hand.

But, most important of all, he knew when you needed space.

The moment that enveloped you, the quiet he’d given you in the three days since receiving that phone call, was meant to be comforting. It was meant to be the space you needed - space to decompress, space to be uncertain, space to be overwhelmed, and you appreciated the thought behind it. You were grateful he wasn’t pushing, grateful he hadn’t joined your mother or other well-meaning friends and family members in asking how you were doing, but you’d grown tired of the quiet as the still of the backyard surrounded you.

Orange light from the setting sun lit the world aflame and burned nearly as warm as the flurry of emotion churning in the pit of your stomach. It was difficult to catalogue what exactly you felt - mentally, physically; everything blurred into one overwhelming ache that you felt deep in your bones - and you weren’t quite sure how to articulate that.

Very little about the few days you’d experienced made sense, least of all your emotions, but you knew that if anyone could string together meaning from your rambling stream of consciousness, it would be Jake.

With a sigh, you slumped deeper into your chair and blinked back the sting of tears threatening to fall.

Every single person you’d interacted with for the better part of three days began every conversation with a barrage of questions; how are you? How are you feeling? What can I do? They all declared how tough it must be, some even claimed to understand exactly what you were feeling. It must be so hard, they cooed, before promising they were there if you needed them.

It was all superficial, at best, but you took the question as a base to begin a conversation you’d been dreading.

“I’m fine, Jake.” There was little chance he didn’t notice the quiver in your voice, even less of a chance he didn’t notice the clench of your jaw and the heavy exhale you released, but he nodded, just the same.

“I believe you.”

Jake knew that you weren’t fine - not really, not entirely - but he also knew that what you were feeling was more complicated than grief.

Losing a parent was always going to be a difficult experience but losing a parent you’d gone no contact with for reasons beyond your control only further complicated matters. There was no easy explanation for the multitude of emotions clouding your brain and Jake understood that.

Jake lost his own father in his twenties. Though he’d still been on speaking terms with his father upon his death, if only barely, their relationship had always been difficult. His father was cold, controlling and domineering, so Jake understood complicated relationships with fathers just as he understood how difficult it was to grieve someone long before they died.

Everything you felt, every complicated emotion and messy blur of feelings, you knew he would understand. It was likely he’d felt them himself. Regardless, it still felt nearly impossible to articulate as you blinked against the sun’s harsh glow.

Few others had seen the toll your mother’s misguided attempts at encouraging a reconciliation between you and your father had taken. It was well-intentioned, you were sure, but ended in an anxiety you hadn’t felt since your teenager years.

From the safety of your shared home, Jake had witnessed a handful of tense phone conversations. He’d listened as your father threw insults thinly disguised as questions or compliments and belittled you in ways that made his blood boil. He’d watched as you slumped on the couch and gave one word answers as you willed those awful conversations to be over. He’d held you after as angry tears tracked down your cheeks and you wondered just what you’d done to deserve this kind of treatment from someone who was supposed to love you.

It made sense, then, why he’d remained so quiet at your side. And instead of pressing for an answer, asking questions that would only make the entire process that much harder for you, he waited. He sat quietly, green eyes flickering between you and the trees in the distance as he waited for you to gather your thoughts.

“None of this is for me.”

The declaration felt bitter, dripping acid as it fell from your lips, but it was honest in a way you couldn’t be with anyone else. No one else understood, no one else saw you - really, truly, completely saw you - in the way that Jake did. Though you felt overwhelmed, anxious and upset, you felt hopeful that he’d get it as he hummed.

“How do you figure?”

“Funerals are… hard,” your settled on, blinking hard against the tears you were frustrated still managed to sting at your eyes. “They’re supposed to be for people you love, people that meant something to you. They’re supposed to give you closure. It’s a final send-off, something that just… marks the end, I guess. You mourn someone that meant something to you but all he was to me was a nightmare.” With a deep breath, heavy and barely enough to fill your aching lungs, you shook your head. “I didn’t lose my dad on Sunday. I lost him when I was old enough to realize what kind of person he was.”

Anger, burning hot and all encompassing, made it easier for you to finally feel the emotions you’d been attempting to rationalize away. And Jake, who had been waiting calmly for the storm, sighed.

There was little doubt that Jake was also feeling a multitude of emotions neither of you felt capable of exploring in the moment but that did little to stop him from reaching out to take your hand in his own. The weight of it, the heat of his palm pressed to yours, tethered you to the moment. A gentle squeeze helped you remain present as you swallowed the emotion clumping in your throat.

“Everyone here things I’m the problem,” you began, quiet but angry. “They think I just up and abandoned my dad. They think I’m a bad person because I haven’t had a relationship with him in over a decade but no one bothers to ask why. No one asks what happened to make me leave home and refuse to come back. No one asks why I went nearly fifteen years without speaking to him. No one puts any of the blame on him. They just ask why I didn’t try harder.”

The still of the night stretched endlessly around you but Jake’s attention fell solely on you. Those green eyes burned into your skin, patient, as you took a shuddering breath.

“Why was it my responsibility?” The question, a broken plea for an answer you knew Jake couldn’t give as he’d wondered the same thing, lingered unanswered for a brief moment before you huffed. “I’m the child here. He was the adult, he was my dad. He was supposed to care, to make me a priority, to love me. Instead, he made me believe I was worthless. He told me that no one would ever love me, that I was too difficult for anyone to ever waste their time on me. He was a miserable, abusive, narcissistic son of a bitch but no one ever acknowledges any of that.”

Breathing grew more difficult with every word you spoke. The weight of every emotion you’d ever felt in relation to your father pressed on your chest, leaving a dull ache between your ribs as you took a moment to clench your jaw and regain some semblance of your composure.

Jake knew all of that.

The beginning of your relationship had proven difficult because of your shared difficult pasts. Both of you had been wary of commitment - Jake because of his own insecurities, his own doubt that he’d never be worthy of anything more than a one night stand - but you’d managed to take everything in stride. Just as you’d encouraged him to know his worth, he’d been instrumental in helping you to find your own.

There was a flicker of hurt in his eyes as he realized just how difficult the experience was proving to be, just how easy it was for you to revert to an old way of thinking. It seemed that no matter how hard you tried, no matter how much progress you’d made, you felt yourself spiraling as you scrubbed at your cheeks.

“Everyone says he talked about how proud he was of me. He told them all that I lived in California and had a good life but he didn’t know anything about me. He had no idea what I do for work. He didn’t know your name, didn’t even know we were married. He didn’t know anything about me but he had everyone convinced that I was the problem. And I just…” With a weary sigh, feeling the weight of the world pressing on your shoulders, you laughed. “It’s not fair. Why did he get to have friends and so many people to defend him? Why did he get to spend so much time being happy, not caring, loving his friends when I spent years wondering if anyone would ever be able to love me?”

Jake squeezed your hand gently and you could feel the weight of that single gesture. It meant more than he likely realized, warmed you from within, and you desperately wanted to look at him but you knew that sparing him a glance would only end with you dissolving into tears. You were on a roll, speaking the thoughts you knew made little sense to anyone else but had been plaguing you since you received that phone call, and stopping didn’t seem like an option.

“Sometimes I wonder if all of this was my fault.” The admission was quiet, your voice dropping to a near whisper and thick with emotion as you laughed quietly - self-deprecatingly. “I remember being so happy when I was little. I remember him taking me places, going out to dinner and seeing movies and going to the roller rink. I remember him coming to my softball games and my spelling bees. I remember feeling loved.”

With a shake of your head, you tugged at a fraying thread at the hem of your top. “I remember all of that, but then I also remember being ten and wondering if everyone else had a dad who yelled at them. I wondered if everyone else had a dad who would disappear for days when he was angry. I wondered if everyone else had a dad who would throw things at them and make them cry. I don’t… I know if I just got older and he got meaner or if I just gained consciousness and realized he was always mean.”

Faint sounds of life began to bleed into the backyard - the noise of your mother and step-father and various family members who’d dropped by with food and well-wishes milling about - but you ignored them all as you inhaled a shaking breath.

With a single glance spared at the silhouette of your mother, you laughed quietly. “My mom doesn’t remember it but we had an argument when I was, like, fourteen. I don’t remember what it was about but I remember her being so angry at me and saying that I was more and more like my dad every day. I didn’t cry much but I remember breaking down. Nothing anyone has ever said to me has hurt that bad. I think about her saying that all the time and I try so hard to prove that it’s not true but it feels like no matter what I do, no matter how hard I work to be a good person, I keep seeing more and more of my dad in myself.”

With another harsh breath, this one a desperate attempt to clear your throat of the emotion threatening to choke you, you wiped harshly at the tears that had started falling. Somewhere in the midst of your inner turmoil, there was an anger that you allowed yourself to cry. None of this was worth your anger, your upset, your energy, but it felt impossible to do anything more than continue spouting a stream of consciousness you only hoped Jake could still follow.

“While you were deployed, I went to the bar with some friends after a bad day. I wasn’t really in the mood but I ended up having fun,” you admitted, shrugging lightly as you dropped your gaze to where your intertwined hands rested on your thigh. “At the end of the night, though, it was just me and Blake on the patio and we were talking about all the stupid shit that was happening at work. I made a joke about trying to be more positive and he laughed. He said it was no use because I’ve always been a ‘dark fucking cloud’ and that was just who I was. It was a joke,” you conceded, lifting your hand to trace a nonsensical pattern across the back of Jake’s hand. “But it really wasn’t. He’s right. I’ve always been a dark cloud and I’ve always been miserable and bitter and angry.”

A quiet laugh, devoid of any humor and clearly as defeated as you felt, escaped as you shook your head. “All the words parts of me, all the things I wish I could change, all the things I know that make it difficult for people to like - let alone love me - are all parts of my dad. And I just wonder, what happens if I can’t fix those parts? What happens if I spend the rest of my life as this dark cloud? What happens if one day, all my friends realize how miserable I make them? What happens if, one day, you realize that you could do better? You can be a jackass but you’re a good man, Jake. You could easily find someone who loves you that’s bright and happy and warm. I worry that I’m going to die alone, miserable and forgotten, just because I’m me; a dark fucking cloud that pushed everyone away.”

Jake allowed the silence to linger for a moment, giving you a chance to catch your breath. When he realized you were finished speaking, he reached out to carefully brush away the tears tracking down your cheeks. From the corner of your eye, you caught the look on his face - a deep sadness you’d never seen from him before, complete with shiny eyes and a frown - and felt a fresh wave of tears stinging at your eyes.

Though you tried blinking them away, Jake shook his head.

“Sweetheart.” He slid his chair a touch closer, his knee knocking into yours as he lifted his free hand to your cheek. “I don’t say this often, but you’re wrong. I don’t know what to say that will make all of this better but I can tell you what I do know.” With gentle fingers, he tilted your head to meet his eyes and, despite the urge to glance away, you held his gaze.

“You are not a dark cloud.” His conviction was clear, certain and strong as he searched your face. “You know that everyone was surprised when you showed up to the Hard Deck. They couldn’t believe that someone as good as you, someone as bright as you, could love me. I can be an ass, but you? Even when you don’t want to, you try to see the best in people. It doesn’t matter how bad your day is, doesn’t matter how rough things are, you’re always trying to encourage the people in your life. I can’t count how many times you’ve told me your day was shit only for you to turn around and spend the night hyping up Bob, cheering up Phoenix, singing with Rooster, making Coyote laugh.

You’re the most supportive person I’ve ever met. Anyone who asks you to show up for them, you’re there and cheering the loudest. You push people to be the best versions of themselves. When I’m in my head, you’re the person to bring me back. Despite everything, you’re a good person. You try so hard and everyone can see it. I’m difficult to like, but you? There’s nothing difficult about liking you and there sure as hell isn’t anything difficult about loving you. You love me, you make me happy, and I’m lucky I get the chance to love you.”

With another gentle squeeze to your hand, Jake sighed. “None of this is your fault. You were a kid, sweetheart,” he reminded you, careful to avoid irritating your skin further as he brushed away the few tears that continued to fall. “I know all of this is hard. I know you loved him when you were a kid and I know there’s still some kind of love there. I know it still hurts, even though he hasn’t been in your life. And I know that none of this makes any sense. I can’t tell you not to worry about any of this but I can promise you that I’ll remind you every chance I get of just who you are. I’ll be here to remind you just how loved you are. You are a good person, sweetheart, and I love you. On the good days, on the bad days, on every other day in between; I love you and I’m not the only one. You mean so much to so many people and we’re lucky to have you in our lives.”

As the tears fell faster, Jake stood from his seat and tugged you up after him. He pulled you into an embrace, arms wrapped tightly around your body, and pressed a soft kiss to the crown of your head. He allowed you to squeeze him tight, body pressed close to his, and waited patiently for you to calm.

“I love you,” he whispered, voice carrying through the night when your breathing began to even. “You know I’m not just saying this for the sake of saying it. I’m not that nice.”

When you laughed quietly, Jake smiled. “Thank you.” With another soft squeeze to his middle, you sighed. “I love you, too, Jake.”

“Alright, what d’you want to eat?” Jake shifted then, tipped his head to look you in the face, as he redirected the conversation. He knew there was an apology coming - one neither of you needed - so he stopped it before you could. “You haven’t eaten anything all day. And if you tell me you’re not hungry, I’m calling Rooster and letting him sing as many songs as he can,” he teased, waiting to see if his joke would earn him a smile.

“You decide,” you offered, smiling lightly as you nodded. “I don’t want to make any decisions. I’ll have whatever you get.”

“Okay,” he relented, appeased by the easy agreement as he wrapped an arm around your waist and began guiding you back to the house. “C’mon, we’ll get you some water and figure it out.”

The pair of you knew the pain of this loss better than anyone. There was no easy resolution, no easy answer for the messy feelings you still felt roiling in the pit of your stomach - no solution for the feelings this dredged up in Jake - but you felt a little more at peace.

The path now placed in front of you was in no way straightforward, not one you’d be able to navigate easily, but you felt hopeful that there would be a rainbow shining bright through the dark clouds, just as long as Jake was by your side.

_____________________________________________________

Author's Note: I dunno, man. It's been a rough two months.

Taglist: @lulu-noodles, @holachicos, @getmyprettynameoutofyourmouth, @withakindheartx, @ssprayberrythings, @verin93, @totalwitch2, @malindacath, @alexparkxr, @hangmandruigandmav, @alexxavicry, @calicokel, @jaymum, @dracosluvbot, @little-wiseone, @specialk6802, @mandylove1000, @julesclues, @archetypesoflife, @oliviah-25, @benhardysdrumstick, @caatheeriinee07, @yvespoems, @chloereidwayne, @flower-name​, @callsignharper​, @peoniarose​, @hangmanscoming​, @rh3tt​, @dakotakazansky​, @silversprings-mp3​

#top gun maverick imagine #hangman x reader #hangman fic #hangman imagine #jake seresin x reader #jake hangman x reader #jake hangman x you #jake hangman imagine #top gun imagine #top gun one shot #top gun x reader #hangman x you #v's fics #jake sersin imagine

[de-sterren-nacht]

The Fae of the British Lostbelt

This is gonna be a long one, so strap in.

The fae and other creatures of the British Lostbelt take heavy inspiration from real-life legends; almost every major character is named after a type of fairy or mystical creature from British folklore. Many of these names are not English; I've added a pronunciation guide for these in brackets after the word. In this post, I'll go over the beings and concepts these characters are named for and compare the legend to the original. This won't include Morgan or Oberon; those figures are complex enough to deserve posts of their own.

Aesc [ASH]

Aesc is more accurately spelled Æsc. It's an Old English word for the ash tree, and also doubles as the word for the rune for the letter Æ. This is pretty much a direct translation into Old English of Aesc's Japanese name, Tonelico (トネリコ), a word meaning "ash tree".

Albion

Albion is a poetic name for the island of Britain, from Greek Albiōn (Ἀλβίων), the name used by classical geographers to describe an island believed to be Britain. The name probably means "white place", which is how it's connected to the Albion of Fate. The Albion of Fate is the White Dragon, a symbol of the Saxons from a Welsh legend. In the most well-known version of the legend, the King of the Britons at the time, Vortigern, was trying to build a castle on top of a hill in Wales to defend against the invading Saxons, but everything he tried to build collapsed. He was told by his court wizard to find a young boy with no father and sacrifice him atop the hill to alleviate the curse. He sent his soldiers out and found a boy being teased for being fatherless, but when he brought the boy to the hill, the boy, a young Merlin, told him that his court wizard was a fool and that the real reason for the collapsing castle was two dragons inside the hill, one red and one white, locked in battle. The red dragon represented the Britons, and the white dragon represented the Saxons. Merlin told Vortigern that nothing could be built on the hill until the red dragon killed the white one. A red dragon is the symbol of Wales to this day, and a white dragon is occasionally used in Welsh poetry to negatively represent England. This white dragon is Albion in Type/Moon lore.

Baobhan Sìth [bah-VAHN shee]

A baobhan sìth is a female fairy in Scottish folklore. The name literally means "fairy woman" in Scottish Gaelic. They appear as a beautiful woman and seduce hunters traveling late at night so that they can kill and eat them, or drink their blood depending on the story. They're unrelated to banshees except in terms of etymology (Banshee is from Old Irish "ben síde", meaning the same thing as baobhan sìth). They're often depicted with deer hooves instead of feet, which is probably what inspired Baobhan Sìth's love of shoes.

Barghest

In the folklore of Northern England, a barghest is a monstrous black dog with fiery eyes teeth and claws the size of a bear's. The name probably derives from "burh-ghest", or "town-ghost". It was often said to appear as an omen of death, and was followed by the sound of rattling chains. The rattling chains probably inspired Barghest's chains. Her fire powers are also obviously based on the fiery eyes of the barghest. Otherwise, she's not very connected to the folkloric barghest, which is never associated with hunger or eating humans.

Boggart

In English folklore, a boggart is either a malevolent household spirit or a malevolent creature inhabiting a field, a marsh, a hill, a forest clearing, etc. The term is related to the terms bugbear and bogeyman, all originally from Middle English bugge, or possibly Welsh bwg [BOOG] or bwca [BOO-cuh], all words for a goblin-like monster. It usually resembled a satyr. It's not really ever depicted with lion features, so it's anyone's guess why Boggart is a lion-man.

Cernunnos [ker-NOON-ahs]

Cernunnos, probably meaning "horned one", was an important pre-Roman Celtic god. His existence is only attested by fragmentary inscriptions and the repeated motif in Celtic religious art of a "horned god", a humanoid figure with deer antlers seated cross-legged. This fragmentary evidence is often led to assume that Cernunnos was a god of nature, wilderness, animals and fertility. There exists no evidence that Cernunnos was a chief deity of any kind, since we have barely any evidence he existed at all in the first place. Cernunnos might not even be his name; it's just the only name we have. Needless to say, the only thing the Cernunnos in the British Lostbelt has in common with the real figure is his large antlers.

Cnoc na Riabh [kuh-nock-nuh-REE-uh]

Cnoc na Riabh, Knocknarea in English, is a hill in Sligo in Ireland. The name means "hill of the stripes", referring to its striking limestone cliffs. It's said to be the location where Medb's tomb lies, so it's connected to Cnoc na Riabh through Fate's conflation of Medb with Queen Mab, a fairy mentioned in Romeo and Juliet; this etymology of Mab as derived from Medb was formerly accepted, but has lost favour with the advent of modern Celtic studies due to the lack of any concrete connection between the two figures.

Grímr (don't know how to say this one, apologies; Germanic myth is not my strong suit)

Odin (Wōden in Old English) was a god worshiped in many places, basically anywhere the Germanic peoples went, including the Anglo-Saxons that became today's English people. As such a widely worshiped god, he had a very large number of names, titles and epithets. Grímr is one such name, literally meaning "mask", referring to Odin's frequent usage of disguises in myths, which is fitting for how Cú disguised himself as a faerie in the British Lostbelt and hid that he possessed Odin's Divinity from Chaldea.

Habetrot

Habetrot is a figure from Northern England and the Scottish Lowlands, depicted as a disfigured elderly woman who sewed for a living and lived underground with other disfigured spinsters. She often spun wedding gowns for brides. Cloth spun by her was said to have curative and apotropaic properties. All the Habetrot of the British Lostbelt has in common with this figure is the association with brides and with spinning cloth. "Totorot" is not a real figure; the name is just an obvious tweak of Habetrot.

Mélusine

Mélusine is a figure that appears in folklore all across Europe. The name probably derives from Latin "melus", meaning "pleasant". She's a female spirit of water with the body of a beautiful woman from the waist up, and the body of a serpent or a fish from the waist down. In most stories, she falls in love with a human man and bears his children, using magic to conceal her inhuman nature. However, she tells her lover he must never look upon her when she is bathing or giving birth. Of course, he invariably does so, and when he does, he discovers her serpentine lower body, and she leaves, taking their children with her. Since Mélusine is just the name Aurora gave her, the Mélusine of the British Lostbelt has very little to do with this figure, but an analogy can be drawn between the Mélusine of folklore hiding her true form as a half-serpent to maintain her relationship with her lover, and Fate's Mélusine suppressing her true form as both a dragon and an undifferentiated mass of cells to ensure Aurora continues to love her.

Muryan [MUR-yan]

A muryan is a rather obscure Cornish fairy. The word is Cornish for "ant". Muryans are diminutive figures with shapechanging abilities, cursed to grow smaller every time they use those abilities until they eventually vanish altogether. Muryan, of course, is connected to muryans through her ability to shrink others.

Spriggan [SPRID-jan]

A spriggan is a type of creature in Cornish folklore. The word is derived from the Cornish word "spyryjyon" [same pronunciation], the plural of "spyrys", meaning "fairy". They're usually grotesque old men with incredible strength and incredibly malicious dispositions, and are often depicted guarding buried treasure. Spriggan is not himself a faerie, and the name is stolen from a faerie he killed, but it's still appropriate due to the greed and selfishness spriggans are usually depicted with.

Woodwose

Woodwose is a Middle English term for the wild man, a motif in European art comparable to the satyr or faun. The etymology is unclear. It has little to do with wolves or animals, despite its association with wildness, but there is at least a thematic connection with Woodwose's character, since the archetype of the wild man depicts a figure who cannot be civilised or well-mannered no matter how hard he tries, much like how Woodwose barely restrains his temper by being a vegetarian and dressing in a fine suit. Woodwose's predecessor, Wryneck, is named for a type of woodpecker with the ability to rotate its neck almost 180°.

#incoherent rambling #fate grand order #fgo #lostbelt 6 #avalon le fae #boggart fate #woodwose fate #habetrot #spriggan fate #muryan #melusine #baobhan sith #cernunnos #barghest #cnoc na riabh #fateposting #if i missed anyone in this post OR in the tags i will jump off a cliff #now it is bedtime #will probably give morgan and oberon their own posts in a few days #school. you know.

[ashcal99]

Collarbones : Jasper Whitlock Hale~

Prologue

"I can see your collarbones and baby I'm scared, Never thought I'd be so unprepared"

Summary: Camila Johnson was only 16 when she was diagnosed with leukemia. By the time she had turned 17, the doctors had tried everything to save her. Her family is close to giving up hope when they hear of a doctor who may be able to help her. The only problem is, he lives on the opposite side of the country. The small family soon decides to move to the small town in Washington, in efforts to prolong her life. In doing so, her life changes forever.

Warnings: Eventual smut (18+ only), mentions of death, depression, descriptions of disease and weight loss, general angst, slow burn

Words: 1.8k

A/N: Not sure how many parts this will be but yahhhh. Comment if I missed any warning or anything plz thnx.

Soundtrack

Series Masterlist

——————

January 22nd, 2005

Snow had always amazed Camila. The way that each flake was so diverse in size in shape. It was quite like people she had thought. All beautiful is their own unique way. As her eyes focused on a particularly tattered looking flake she thought that must be how she looked. Fragile and so ready to melt away from this world. Just teetering on the edge of existing.

She wasn't used to snow, had only seen it a couple of times in her entire life. You didn't get much snow in Orlando. None to be exact. But her world was going to be different now. Everything in her life had been uprooted because her body couldn't do the most simple thing in the world; live. The majority of the world's population had so much life to live, years to make mistakes and find their purpose, to find their happiness. She didn't get that privilege, however, not since she got sick.

So there she was, in the back seat of her mother's mini van staring at snow falling on her window for the past ten minutes. It had been just the year prior Camila had found that her body was failing her. Leukemia. A disease she had known little about before all of this. So many doctors, so many tests. She often wondered if this was all worth it. Moving their entire lives across the country for her health, when she most likely would never recover. Cancer was expensive and the odds of her survival weren't looking too good. She practically had one foot in the grave as it was. What was the point of dragging on another year of her life if it meant piling on medical debt?

She knew her parents would never see it this way, so she had always kept those thoughts to herself. In reality, she had come to term with dying not long after being diagnosed. It was too mentally exhausting dreading the inevitable.

Of course she had to put on a brave face for her mother and father. Dying was simple for the dead, you take your last breath and you're done, you're free. The real tragedy was with the people who were left to mourn the dead. To have someone you love so dearly be ripped away before your eyes, the pain was unimaginable.

So she endured the treatments, the testing, although she knew in the end, it wouldn't work. She would get another year at best. Most likely less. She had low expectations for her life now. She knew, as much as it hurt her to her core, she would never get to go to college, get drunk, get married. Her whole dream of a life had dissolved with her diagnosis.

Her parents seemed to think otherwise, hence the move. They had heard of a doctor in a small town in Washington. They had hoped that he could help. Naive wishes, but Camila wasn't about to take that away from them, no mater how much it hurt to see them waste so much money on her deteriorating health.

She could see it, her body starting to wither away. Her once curvy stature had began to whither away to skin and bone.  Her eyes, once bright and joyful had turned dull, filled with pain. In fact everything had turned dull, her eyes, her skin, hell, her life. She had a future before everything, and now she had nothing but a ticking clock on her life. Her bones constantly aches and she was always covered in bruises, sometimes it even hurt to breath.

A small sign blurred by her window, welcoming the small family to the town. Finally, signs of civilization were starting to appear as the drive further into town. They had been driving along empty road for what seemed like years, so she was relieved to see some life finally.

The van slowed to a stop in front of a house suddenly. The house was a small homey looking thing, painted a dull yellow. Ugly, but still cute in a weird way? They had to size down from their house previously, having so many medical bills to pay off. Luckily, they weren't a huge family. Just her mother and father besides herself.

Her parents had wanted more kids, having Camila at a young age, but after years of trying, they were met with no success. Who knows, maybe they would try more after Camila died. A second chance at being parents. She hoped they would, they were good parents. The best she could have ever asked for. She was truly lucky to have them.

Ignoring the aches in her joints, Camila stood slowly from her seat onto the cracked pavement of their new driveway. She circled around the car to meet her father at the trunk. They had left most of everything behind to make the move easier, deciding to buy cheap used furniture instead. "What can I help bring in?" Her voice croaked, groggy with fatigue.

"Nonsense, sweetheart. Your mother and I have got it." Her father tutted shooing the teen away. She huffed, laying her hand out in front of her.

Her father looked questionably at his daughter's palm. "Well, I at least need the keys. Don't I?" She laughed, rolling her eyes sarcastically. Receiving a low chuckle in response, he dropped a small silver key in her hand.

"This one can be your copy." He smiled down to her.

She made her way into small house, floorboards creaking beneath her feet as she walked into the family room. The house was only one story, this having been a selling point to her parents as their last house had been two floors. After being diagnosed, it had become too difficult for her to walk up the stairs to her bedroom on a daily basis. There were only two bedrooms in the house, the master, and her own room, so it was easy enough to avoid getting lost. She swung the door open to her own, the hinges whining in protest. 

It was small, but freshly cleaned. She could smell the faint scent of pinesol in the air. The wooden floors were bare except for full sized mattress that sat against the far left wall. Her mother had already made a deal with their realtor, making sure that she had acquired a bed before they got there, so Camila could go to sleep early like she often did as of late. 

Fatigue often riddled her withering body, but at that moment she was more alert than usual, ready to set her room up and decorate to her liking. She walked to the small window that sat to the right of the mattress and drew the thin white curtains back. The ground outside was stark white with snow and bare besides the trees that lined the edge of the forest. At least she got a nice view. 

Once her boxes were carried into her room for her, she began unpacking. She went through piles and piles of her clothing, most of it being many sizes too large. After losing so much weight, she had refused to go out and buy anything new. What was the use when the new clothes would stop fitting within a few months anyway? She did have to buy a few new items, like underwear and a few pairs of pants, but for the most part, she made the baggy shirts work and wore a belt when necessary. If anything, it would hide how unhealthily skinny she was becoming. 

Letting out an exasperated sigh, she finished hanging the remainder of her clothing in the cramped closet. She pushed the last few boxes aside, opening one to grab some clean bedding and a pillow. She struggled, bones starting to ache fervently and she stretched the last corner of the fitted sheet onto the mattress. She huffed as she threw the blankets and pillows in place and stepped back to look at the finished product. She shrugged, deciding that it looked comfortable enough.

She sluggishly pealed her clothing away from her body, exhaustion suddenly hitting her like a ton of bricks. Pulling on the old worn sweatpants and t-shirt she had set aside, she plopped down onto the plush mattress, already feeling her eyes droop with sleep. She decided she would push her shower off until morning, knowing it wouldn’t go well if she was so lethargic. The last thing she needed was to pass out in the middle of showering.

January 23rd, 2005

The warm stream of water poured over her fragile body, trailing down her thin frame. She let out a contented sigh, relishing in the comfort that it brought to her aching skin. She looked down at herself, taking the sight in. Her hands were becoming much bonier than before. Her old rings no longer fit her fingers, sliding and rotating anytime she tried to wear them. Her hip bones jutted out, no longer having a layer of fat to cover them.

She had used to be a little chubby, always wishing she could have a flat stomach. Now, she would do anything to get her old body back. It was odd how that worked. You really didn't appreciate what you had until you lost it.

Her thoughts were cut off, the once warm water turning to ice. Shit, she thought, jumping out and engulfing her rigid body in a fluffy towel. Guess the hot water ran out. She wrapped the towel snuggly around herself, walking swiftly to her room, locking the door behind her.

The sun peered through the crack in her curtains, leaving a beam of blinding light streaming through the mostly empty room. Rummaging through one of the boxes labeled with her name, she grabbed her hairdryer and plugged it into the outlet next to the one mirror she had brought from the move. She didn't like the way it made her hair frizzy, but she also didn't want to go to her first day of school with wet hair. She definitely didn’t need to get sick with a cold on top of everything else.

School. Forks High School. She didn't enjoy the fact that she would be entering halfway through her junior year, but she refused to let her parents keep her home any longer. She had begged them to let her go, her lack of a good immune system being the reason they had taken her out in the first place. She wanted to experience some kind of normal high school life before she died. She wanted friends again. So she had decided to try and conceal her sickness as long as possible. She didn't need people's sympathy, she'd gotten enough of that, she just wanted some sense of normalcy. Luckily, her hair hadn't started falling out from chemo yet, so for the time being she could act as if things were normal.

But in the end, it would be the farthest thing away from a normal high school experience.

Next Chapter

#bella swan #edward cullen #twilight #twilight smut #eventual smut #charlie swan #leah clearwater #jasper hale #jasper whitlock #jasper #jasper hale smut #jasper x reader #jasper hale x reader #slow burn #seth clearwater #la push #forks washington #fluff #jasper hale fic #jasper hale fluff #fic: collarbones

[butchfairyzine]

“FEY: A Guide to Fairies of the Butch Variety” themes (Text version)🐸

This book will explore butch fairies, arranged into six differently themed sections. Below are descriptions of these themes, as well as a number of example concepts that might fall under them! You can choose one of the examples we’ve provided, or come up with something yourself - as long as you run it by the mods to approve!

We will be choosing five (5) artists and one (1) writer per theme - one (1) artist to illustrate the ‘title spread’, and four (4) to illustrate the ‘guides’ within. The writer will be asked to provide snippets, comments, short poems, and descriptions to intersperse with spot illustrations on the ‘guide’ pages.

🌱 Garden Fairies

Garden fairies thrive in the world’s backyards - they can be plant-themed, critter-themed, and insect-themed. Large or palm-size, they tend to their surroundings with care and good spirit, and are often brightly colored, eye-catching things. This is your ‘Seelie’ group, for a real-world folklore equivalent.

Example concepts:

A fairy taming a grasshopper steed

A petal-winged rose fairy sleeping in a flower bud

A butterfly fairy collecting nectar

🏡 House Fairies

House fairies reside in and around the home. They are usually small, hiding from humans in nooks and crannies and forgotten places - and will get stuck between the couch cushions. They come out when the coast is clear to make mischief: rearranging trinkets, pilfering snacks, turning up the corners of carpets - all heinous behavior!

Their own dwellings are not to be trifled with, however. They’re of the utmost coziness, warm and safe and full of . . . ‘collected’ goods . . .

Example concepts:

A fairy facing off against a housecat

A fairy in their little home surrounded by myriad stolen trinkets

Fairies scheming to throw something nasty in a human’s stew

🕸️ Dark Fairies

Dark fairies dwell in the domains of shadow - in fairytales with unhappy endings, in childrens’ nightmares, under the surface both figuratively and literally speaking. They rejoice in sowing discord and causing mayhem, and shun the light. These are your ‘Unseelie’ equivalents.

Example concepts:

A murderous moth fairy poised to strike

A hag-like fairy offering a bargain one can’t refuse

A gaggle of tooth fairies

👑 Courtly Fairies

Courtly fairies are those who spend most of their time between lavish palace walls, voluntarily or otherwise. Towering spires, silkspun sheets, all wreathed in swirling gold filigree - a fairy court makes itself known for miles around. Most other fairies consider them the least carefree, though every once in a while a monarch does crop up who rules the land with wild abandon, whipping all fairykind into a frenzy for a decade or fifty. 

As an aside: dark fairies enjoy courtly fairies as particular targets for their curses, twisting their beauty and opulence into ironic reflections.

Example concepts:

A cursed fairy monarch chained to their throne

A rogue fairy prince on the run

A fairy knight in beetle armor

🌆 City Fairies

City fairies have bid the splendors of the fey adieu for the neon-splashed fast lanes of a human metropolis. Usually, they try to (more or less) blend in, bask in humans’ energy, break their hearts and leave them wondering how you do that thing you do. Little city fairies exist, too, trying their best not to get crushed underfoot as they go about their busy lives!

Example concepts:

A raver fairy stealing the show in a color-soaked warehouse

A mundane-looking fairy creating otherworldly pastries with the help of some friends

A fairy guardian of some public property

🔥 Wyld Fairies

Wyld fairies are closest in essence to magic itself, to nature and those primordial forces they let flow through them: the elements. They eschew court-made laws, borders, customs, and causes, simply forging their own paths through life with little consideration of worldly issues. They are bright like fire, deep as water, free as the wind.

Example concepts:

A fairy fire dancer

A seahorse (or, ‘kelpie’) herding underwater-fairy

A fairy exploring the edge of the upper atmosphere

#butch fairy zine #fairy zine #fey: a guide to fae of the butch variety #art zine #long post #text post

[andypantsx3]

Deceiving the Duke | 5 | Todoroki Shouto

pairing: Todoroki Shouto x Female Reader

length: 3.2k of 30k words | 5th of 9 chapters

summary: When Camie Utsushimi elopes on the eve of her society debut, scandal threatens to destroy the family’s prospects. It’s up to you, a maid, to impersonate Camie throughout the Season, long enough that her elder sister can make a match. The only trouble? Lord Shouto Todoroki is also intent on making a match—and that match, quite impossibly, appears to involve you.

tags/warnings: romance, regency au, class differences, hidden identity/identity porn, aged up characters, eventual smut

Over the next few weeks, you quickly grew even more familiar with Lord Shouto, though no closer to accomplishing your objectives.

Lord Shouto had taken to inviting you on outings, and asked for at least one dance at every ball you attended. You were always careful to utilize the time talking about Caroline, much to his persistent disinterest.

Time spent in more sharp-witted social circles than your own, however, made Lord Shouto very adept at steering the conversation his way, and more often than not, he found ways to turn things back on you. You found yourself divulging more facts about yourself than you had ever realized existed; dessert preferences—“Apricot cakes?” Lord Shouto had guessed with a horribly charming smirk—the previously promised list of your favorite novels, and para-political thoughts you later worried might reveal you as an outsider to the aristocracy.

In addition to Lord Shouto, Lady Asui and Miss Uraraka also seemed to have taken a liking to you. They appeared at your elbow almost as soon as you arrived to any party, taking you by the arm and leading you over to whatever corner they’d claimed for themselves, grilling you on Lord Shouto and any other gentleman foolish enough to ask you to dance, gossiping in return about their own would-be suitors, or other party attendees.

Through them, you learned which ladies had set their caps at which lords, which gentlemen were known for their wandering hands and were best avoided, and who had most recently snubbed who.

You were beginning to like them, the ease of their friendship, Lady Asui’s straight-shooter commentary, Miss Uraraka’s persistent cheer. They were good company. You would regret it, you thought, when the cloth had been pulled off of this charade and you had to disappear into the countryside.

Mrs. Utsushimi had noticed your newfound popularity, and had pulled you aside to whisper furiously about the danger to your operation. But her concerns were almost embarrassingly easily soothed, once she learned that you were taking any opportunity to speak well of Caroline, especially during any dance with Lord Shouto.

“They would make a beautiful match,” Mrs. Utsushimi said, her handkerchief clutched in one hand, vibrating with the force of her excitement. You could practically see stars in her eyes.

Some horrible little part of you rebelled at the idea of them together. You were surprised at your sudden impulse to squirrel Lord Shouto away for yourself, like a prize nut hidden in the hollow of a tree.

But obviously you couldn’t have him. And even if he had wanted you—once he learned of your deception, he’d hate you for sure.

That didn’t stop you from accepting his invitations, though—most recently for a promenade about the park. Ordinarily, you would have been the natural choice for Camie’s chaperone, in your capacity as a maid, but Lord Shouto, strangely, had seemed to think of this, supplying his elder sister, Lady Fuyumi and her husband—almost as if he had anticipated your household being short of chaperone supply.

“I recall the maid was indisposed at the time of my last calling,” he said vaguely when you asked, with a very carefully cultivated blank look on his handsome face that seemed almost…knowing.

But he couldn’t know, otherwise you’d have already been cast out of the capital and out of the Utsushimi’s employ.

Lady Fuyumi was incredibly kind and sweet. She asked you about your experience so far in the season, complimenting the stitching on your dress–which she could have no way of knowing you’d done yourself–and inviting you over for tea sometime.

Once you arrived at the park, she did you the good turn of walking some ways behind you and Lord Shouto. She chatted with her own husband just loud enough that you knew they were giving you some privacy.

She would make a lovely sister-in-law, and you found yourself jealous at the thought of Lord Shouto’s future wife. You hoped he chose wisely, someone who matched his thoughtful nature—you wondered if Princess Yaoyorozu was kind like him.

“There is an exhibit of Greek statues, at the other end of the park,” Lord Shouto told you as he fell into step beside you, his mouth turned up just slightly at the corner. “I thought you might enjoy it.”

You laughed, trying to scowl up at him for good measure and utterly failing. “You are incredibly presumptuous, my lord.”

Those mismatched eyes glittered down at you, a little bit mischievously. “Am I?” he asked lightly.

In direct sunlight he was even more beautiful than ever. His eyelashes left deep shadows over the tops of his high cheekbones, the colors of his heterochromatic gaze even clearer in the afternoon sunshine. He cut an especially dashing figure in his walking clothes–his shoulders broad under the dark fabric of his coat, the muscle of his legs almost too clear against his tight tan trousers.

Under his clothes, you imagined he looked exactly like the statues he meant to lead you to–a thought that had you flushing furiously under his gaze.

You sniffed imperiously, trying not to stare at him. “I should hope you would be more polite to Caroline, when you are reintroduced.”

Lord Shouto leaned in. “I should think you would not want to introduce her to any gentlemen you deem too presumptuous.”

You frowned. He always found some reason or another to avoid talk of Caroline.

Really. It was like he didn’t want to make her match! In your opinion, she was quite pretty. Tall, with large fawn eyes fringed with thick lashes, with tumbling strawberry blonde curls and a gentle manner. And she was the eldest sister besides, traditionally the sister with the largest dowry.

But Lord Shouto acted as though he did not care, finding excuse after excuse to avoid her at parties and in conversation.

“You know not what you are missing, my lord,” you told him.

He looked doubtful. “I believe I know exactly what I lack, Miss Utsushimi. I aim to remedy that by the end of the season.”

You almost tripped on the hem of your gown, your cheeks heating again.

A wife. He meant that what he was missing was a wife.

And he apparently had plans to obtain one by the end of the season!

You cast a sidelong glance at him, trying to determine what this meant. You did not miss the implications of him spending so much of his time with you, but the thought again was too absurd to consider. And there were the rumors of Princess Yaoyorozu besides. Even with him believing in your sham, why have the second daughter of an unlanded, barely-noble family when you could have a princess—the soon-to-be queen?

He was clearly associating with you in order to ward off other debutantes.

“Reign in your presumption by the end of the season?” you said, purposefully avoiding his meaning. “A bold undertaking, Your Grace.”

He laughed, a low rumbling sound that went right to your head.

“Your novels are not helping me,” he said in his low voice. “In fact, the hero always seems to possess presumption in spades. I would think you might have more tolerance for me, considering.”

You turned to stare at him, unable to help your delight. “You’ve been reading them?” you demanded eagerly.

Something like the hint of a smirk passed over Lord Shouto’s mouth, as if he knew how successfully he’d baited you. You couldn’t find it in you to begrudge him that.

“I have read three,” he said. “I can see why you like them. And also why they might be called a corrupting influence on young ladies.”

His tone was so carefully bland, you could tell he was teasing you. “You’re a corrupting influence,” you complained loudly. “Surprising young women in dark rooms, as I’ve said.”

Lord Shouto’s gaze flashed hotter for a moment, his smirk twitching even higher on the corner of his mouth—as if he liked the idea of being found a corrupting influence.

“You say it as if it is my habit,” he said. “When it’s happened only the once.”

You sniffed. “How am I to know that? You might have cornered half the ton.”

Lord Shouto stepped in front of you purposefully, so that you had to stop in your tracks, lest you bump directly into his chest. You gaped up at him, surprised.

He inclined his head towards you, as if leaning in to tell you a secret. “Half the ton has better aim, so I would not dare,” he whispered.

You laughed, grinning up at him helplessly. He looked rather pleased with himself at having drawn a smile out of you.

“The sculptures are down here,” Lord Shouto said, leading you off the path and onto a grassy slope that descended towards the burbling stream at the heart of the park. “Let me help you.”

He proffered his arm to you as he spoke. You could just see the shift of his strong shoulder under the thick fabric of his jacket and several butterflies fluttered to life in your stomach. Carefully, you reached out, taking his arm—and quite suddenly felt like you might faint, like a lady in exactly those novels you had just been discussing.

You could feel the shape of his arm under your hand, hard with muscle, flexing as he adjusted it for you. You hoped someone nearby was equipped with smelling salts, because you weren’t sure you were going to make it down to the sculptures. You clung tightly to his sleeve to keep you upright, heart racing.

Lord Shouto looked down at you curiously, those mismatched eyes sliding over you.

“I don’t want to fall,” you said quickly, digging out an excuse. A servant could very well descend a hill by herself, but you didn’t know if you were capable of unclenching your fingers from Lord Shouto’s bicep.

He led you down the hill, Lady Fuyumi and her husband descending after you, around a copse of trees to a patch of grass where the exhibit had been erected. There were roughly twenty statues in various states of deterioration, all equipped with their own carved plaques, explaining their stories and origins.

They had been laid out along a winding path that looped back on itself several times, leading the wanderer in a meandering but nevertheless purposeful course. The exhibition had clearly been laid out to tell some sort of story, but uneducated in the arts, you could not guess it.

Lord Shouto led you along the path, sidestepping families and chaperoned couples. You caught a few envious stares as visitors clocked Lord Shouto at your side, and you clutched his arm tighter in apprehension.

You also found very quickly that you had been correct: Lord Shouto was of a kind with the statues. Offensively, he was perhaps even more lovely than they were. The smooth marble of their skin, the strong cords of their fingers and throats, the sleek line of their muscle–it was all deeply reminiscent of Lord Shouto’s dashing figure–but even their features could not quite match his careful, clever beauty.

You resisted the urge to press your fingers harder against his bicep, as if to affirm he truly was a flesh-and-blood man beneath your fingers.

Lord Shouto led you over to the first statue, seeming to carve a path through the crowds like a blade. It was a marble carving of two sleeping, fat-cheeked children with wild curls, reclining over an unrefined hunk of the same stone. Little wings were folded across their backs, the feathers drooping down the other side of the stone. One of them was larger than the other, and looked to be swelling even larger–or maybe he was just taking a breath.

Lord Shouto bent over the inscription, some of which–obnoxiously–was in Greek. He flashed you something that might have been termed a smirk on anyone else before reading: “Eros, Greek god of love,” Lord Shouto gestured to the strange, swelling child. “And his brother Anteros, the god of mutual love.”

“Both sons of Aphrodite. In the company of Anteros, his brother Eros was said to grow larger. But if Anteros was away, Eros shrank back to his usual, smaller size. It is assumed to be a commentary on the strengthening of love by having one’s love returned,” Lord Shouto’s eyes flickered almost pointedly in your direction again.

You fought down a flush, appalled with your own sudden shyness. You might have liked Lord Shouto well enough, but love—love–-you did not dare. No matter how handsome or well-trained or attentive and kind Lord Shouto was.

It would be inappropriate of you to imagine any sort of feeling like that toward him.

You quickly schooled your features into a mask of disbelief. “You’ve made that up,” you accused him.

Lord Shouto blinked, a white eyebrow raising.

“Just because I can’t read Greek,” you sniffed at him. “Taking advantage of an innocent lady’s trust. Clearly it’s a commentary on infantile balloon disease.”

Both of Lord Shouto’s eyebrows rose into his hairline and his features went very still, as though he was suppressing a laugh.

“Balloon disease,” he repeated in a tone so bland and polite he might have been speaking to the king.

You flapped a hand at him. “I know a ballooning child when I see one.”

Lord Shouto hid his face in his sleeve, affecting a sudden cough, but you spied the tiny smile on his mouth when he looked at you again.

“Now be accurate or I’ll insist on a new guide,” you told him, not giving him any time to recover, and gestured him onto the next sculpture.

Lord Shouto cast you a long, searching look, as though he knew exactly what you’d just done to avoid a conversation on romance. But he offered you his arm again, and dutifully led you along.

Over the course of the next few hours, you slowly walked the course of the exhibition, Lady Fuyumi and her husband training behind you at a careful distance. Lord Shouto translated all the bits of the inscriptions in Greek, which you either accepted or discarded on a whim. He also helped supply some of the myths and stories the statues drew on, filling in the gaps in your knowledge neatly and expertly. You alternately spoke of the sculptures and the novels he’d read, and the level of careful attention he paid to both warmed you.

You liked the low, soft murmur of his voice as he explained things to you, and occasionally found yourself half-listening, getting lost in the shape of the syllables in his mouth, the deep richness of his tone.

You could imagine a thousand afternoons like this, clambering around some Greek ruins with Lord Shouto, listening to him patiently translate, watching him turn back to you with that small sliver of a smile whenever you added something ridiculous.

Eventually the two of you came to a statue in particularly good shape, a large man with a neat marble beard and a sly look in his eye.

“Dolos, the god of deception,” Lord Shouto told you, in a tone so light and devoid of any inflection that it sent a strange shiver up your spine.

You peered closer at his features, the shrewd fix of his mouth, his wiry curls, the sightless stare of his marble eyes. The god of deception–how utterly fitting that you should meet him here.

When you turned, Lord Shouto was looking at you strangely, those heterochromatic eyes glittering down at you.

“It’s…interesting,” you said, balking under his close inspection. “That they should have a god honoring such a thing.”

Lord Shouto’s mouth quirked. “Would you like to hear the inscription?”

You nodded, interested.

Lord Shouto read carefully, “Dolos was apprentice to the potter Prometheus, who had used all his skill to sculpt the form of Aletheia, the embodiment of Truth. As he was working, Prometheus was summoned away, leaving Dolos in charge of his workshop. Dolos used his time to copy Aletheia, completing a figure exactly like her, the same size and with identical features.”

You made sure to pay close attention this time, trying not to get too lost again in the smoothness of his voice.

“When he had almost completed her, he ran out of clay to use at her feet. When Prometheus returned, Dolos quickly sat down in his seat, shivering in fear–but Prometheus was amazed at the similarity of the two statues. He puth both in the kiln and infused both with life. But only Aletheia was able to walk, while her copy stayed stuck in her tracks, footless. It is like the saying a lie has no legs to stand on–something that is false can start successfully, but you cannot get away with it.”

A shiver really did crawl down your spine, then. “He created a copy,” you breathed, disliking the parallels between your own situation and the story. A lie has no legs to stand on–-you cannot get away with it.

But you had always known that. Your impersonation of Camie was always going to be discovered–you wondered if Lord Shouto would look back on this moment and see the twisted irony of it.

You hated to wonder how he would think of you, when all of this was through.

Any thought of wandering Greek ruins with Lord Shouto immediately vanished, and you drew in on yourself, remembering that your future only held the halls of a different home not your own, tucked away in the country where you would never see Shouto again.

If you were quiet for the rest of your interlude, Lord Shouto seemed to take it in stride, guiding you around the remaining statues and murmuring their inscriptions to you in his hypnotically low tone.

Eventually, Lady Fuyumi reminded Shouto that he had to dress for dinner–some invite higher in society than the Utsushimi family merited–and ushered you back to the carriage to deliver you home.

You followed obediently, your thoughts racing ahead through the end of the season, through the limited time you had left with Lord Shouto. This would all have to end so soon.

You didn’t know whether you should redouble your efforts to match him with Caroline, to end things sooner, or drag things out as long as possible, to carry the memory of this season with you forever.

You made polite conversation on the way home, avoiding Lord Shouto’s careful scrutiny, and chirped a sincere thank you as you approached the Utsushimi’s home.

It was only as Lord Shouto handed you down from the carriage at the Utsushimi’s front door that you truly realized the horribly romantic bent of your thoughts, the truth of your outing that you had been resisting the entire afternoon.

That you had liked your time with Lord Shouto, and that you wanted more of it–the one thing you could never, ever truly have.

#todoroki shouto x reader #todoroki x you #shouto todoroki x reader #shoto x you

[icycoldninja]

Long dead memories (Sephiroth X Reader angst)

Tw: Death and sickness; DNI if you are not comfortable with these themes.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Geostigma. The most debilitating, terrifying, fear striking disease to have ever existed, it wracked the bodies of most of the survivors of Sephiroth's heinous scheme to destroy the planet with Meteor. It appeared to be most prevalent in those who were closest to him, therefore it was only natural for you to be one of the most heavily afflicted.

The disease had claimed your entire body, primarily concentrated in your legs, making them so weak it hurt just to move them, thereby rendering you bedridden. To make matters worse, the majority of your body, except for your genitalia, face, hands and neck, were covered in large, ooze-secreting sores that burned when exposed to air, covered in cloth, or touched in general. Your entire existence was that of misery and pain--this applied to both your mental and physical state.

Honestly, you were well aware your end was approaching. After all, no known cure for Geostigma existed, and no scientists were around to try and make one. Thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of people had already succumbed to this terrible ailment; you would just be another corpse in the pile.

Such depressing thoughts were only natural of someone on their deathbed. As most people do when their lives are slowly slipping away from them, you began to recall some of your most beloved memories. Memories of your childhood, your happiest moments, your accomplishments, but more importantly, your memories of Sephiroth.

That beautiful, green-eyed, silver-haired angel had been the sun of your life; the atmosphere to your earth, the salt to your food. He was the most precious thing in the world to you, and just like that, he'd been ripped away. His death, combined with your contraction of Geostigma, sent you into a depressed spiral. There was only one thought that brought you comfort: He was in the Lifestream now, and therefore all around you, so technically you weren't dying alone; he was there too, silently watching over you. You wanted this fact to be true so badly, you forced yourself to believe it--not that there was anyone around to tell you otherwise.

Closing your eyes, you turned over in your bed, wincing when you felt sharp pains shoot throughout your legs and shoulders; your sores squelching under the weight of your decaying body. It hurt, so, so, much, the pain was enough to bring tears to your eyes, making you wanted Sephiroth by your side more than you ever did in your lifetime. He always knew what to do, what to say, or what not to say, and how to hold you so the pain would go away. You could picture it in your mind's eye, the way his would circle his arms around your torso; how he would press kisses to your forehead and shush you, reminding you of how much he loved you in just a few words. You could hear it even now, the timbre of his low, rumbly voice echoing in your ears.

"Do not be afraid. Sleep, for I am with you, and always will be."

Though he rarely used pet names in times like these, the gentle tone of his voice and soft caressing of his lips against your skin reminded you of how much he loved you in ways words never could.

You shivered, wrapping your blankets tightly around yourself, mentally cursing the coldness of your room. At the very least, you wanted to die in a nice, toasty room, perhaps by a blazing fire. As you tried to remember what comfort felt like, memories of Sephiroth cuddling you flitted into your mind. Snuggling with him always felt the best; his large frame constantly emitted warmth, much like a human heater; resting your head near his broad, warm chest was pure bliss. As you reminisced, you could have sworn you felt his presence surround you even now as you lay on a cold mattress in a freezing, heat-less room.

Small teardrops spilled forth from your eyes, the nostalgia of events long passed filling you with a profound sense of sadness you couldn't fully understand. You gripped your sheets tightly, screwing your eyes shut in an attempt to hold on to this soothing feeling that you hadn't felt in years.

You wished you could stay like this forever, wrapped safely in the arms of your dearest love. Your mind began to fog over; the burning pain of your Geostigma sores beginning to vanish as your mind slowly sank deeper and deeper into sleep. The further into the darkness you went, the calmer and more at peace you felt.

A small smile crept onto your face as you finally let go of your last threads of consciousness, glad to be able to depart in the tender embrace of some long dead memories.

#Ff7 #Ffvii #Final fantasy 7 #Final fantasy vii #Ff7 sephiroth #ffvii sephiroth #final fantasy vii sephiroth #Sephiroth x reader #Sephiroth ff7 x reader #Sephiroth ff7 #Sephiroth ffvii #Sephiroth ffvii X reader #Fanfic #Angst #Angsty fanfic #Angst fanfic #icycoldninja writes #Angst with a sad ending #Tw: death #Tw: sickness

[fictionadventurer]

Seeing your latest fairy tale post and some misconceptions about fairy tales, I’m interested to see your perspective on how they portray love cause lots of people believe it to be not of much substance

Not much substance? The love that sends a woman east o' the sun and west o' the moon in search of her beloved? The love that wears through seven pairs of iron shoes? The love that makes seven nettle-shirts while keeping silent for seven years? The love that sends a prince through brambles that that have killed dozens of men before him? Fairy tales contain some of the most awe-inspiring examples of true, substantial love--romantic, platonic, and familial--that one can imagine, and anyone who thinks otherwise has not read far enough into the genre.

Perhaps these people are referring to commonly-known Cinderella types of tales, where a prince falls madly in love with a woman after one night of dancing, and we are meant to believe that this is a solid-enough foundation for a lifetime of happiness. How could he truly love her? Isn't it more likely he's been blinded by her beauty? No, because these too-literal takes forget that Cinderella's appearance in a dazzling gown is a revelation of her true self; the interior beauty that has been hidden by her stepmother's efforts to keep her enslaved as a soot-covered, rag-wearing servant is now put on full display, clad in silk and jewels as such beauty deserves to be. Often in fairy tales, beauty equates with goodness, not because beauty is good, but because goodness is beautiful. It is this beauty, exterior and interior, that the prince can now recognize and fall in love with, and a love built upon a foundation that clearly sees the interior self can be as lasting and true as love built upon years of acquaintance.

Or maybe these skeptics are talking about the many tales in which a husband or wife is merely a reward for success in the hero's endeavors, just another piece of the happily-ever-after, a love that we're supposed to believe in just because we're told it exists. But how is this different from any of the other unbelievable things in the story? In fairy tales, we don't expect things to happen like they do in the real world. Animals talk, monsters eat children, strangers hand out magical gifts that work upon arbitrary rules. We don't question these things, merely marvel at them. Things happen because they happen, and we don't need to understand more than that. It's a very childlike approach that doesn't wonder why or how, but just plain wonders at the marvelous news that it happened at all. If the story tells us that the couple lived happily-ever-after, who are we to doubt the truth of the tale? Why can we believe that the ogre can turn into a mouse, that the cloak can make a man invisible, or that the boots can travel seven leagues in one stride, but doubt that the love between husband and wife can last through a lifetime? Why is human fidelity the one miracle that we doubt? Fairy tales are a genre that asks for innocence--for child-like trust that the story happened the way they said it did. As marvelous and unbelievable as it sounds to the skeptical ears of adults, love can last a lifetime, whether a couple has known each other for a few hours or a few decades, if they choose to keep loving each other every day of their lives. If the story tells me it happened, I am more than happy to believe it was so.

#answered asks #fairy tales

[v1olentdelights]

Timeless

Peter Pevensie x reader, George Karim x reader, Peter Parker x reader, allusion to Remus Lupin x reader Summary: There is a type of love that exists in all universes, and maybe, just maybe, you have that love... Trigger Warning: mentions of crying I think and being disgustingly in love, there is a mention of a tough mission - marvel, in the 3rd italicized part if you need to skip that also, the main plot/timeline doesn't have an actual character that is specified, so insert whoever. a/n: I spent an unbelievable amount of time on this, and literally all my self-esteem is resting on this rn, slay, please let me know if you like it!! -- each piece is inspired by a taylor swift song, and it is all based on her song Timeless, also pleeease understand who the old lady is! Otherwise I've failed at writing!

It had been about 2 years together now, 3 as friends, and you were madly in love. It felt as if you had known each other far longer, you couldn’t exactly place it, but it felt as if you knew each other in another lifetime. You had been out looking for an anniversary gift, nothing too eccentric, but perfect. The downtown area was small enough and the weather was the perfect type of gloomy for you to walk around. You had been going in and out of shops you knew, but when you stumbled across a unique looking door with vines climbing up the side of the building something drew you in. 

Stepping in you were immediately engulfed in the smell of flowers, old books, and something sweet that you couldn’t quite place. The store was a beautiful mix of old and new, and the lady at the counter seemed to know exactly how you were feeling. You smiled at one another before you walked over to where the books were laid out. Most of them seemed like books you may take a glimpse at before moving on, but something caught your eye. The title seemed to be handwritten, picking it up you began to flip through it immediately being sucked in.

— 

The couple raced through the field, many years earlier they would have been worried that the trampled flowers would not recover. However, that was not the Narnian way, the flowers seemed to almost instantly spring back to life. Things seemed to thrive here, and even when things had passed, it was never sad, more of a celebration.

 Peter, the High King had been forcibly dragged out of his study by his wife, though there were grumbles about papers and deals that needed to be taken care of, they were soon hushed. You were dancing and running in the field. The shrill of laughter could be heard for miles as Peter picked you up by your waist from behind. You could feel his lips on your neck and shoulders, pressing loving kisses to your warm skin. 

“You, my love, are wonderful!” Pressing another kiss to your shoulder he then began to tickle your sides. Your body thrashed as you laughed, a sound he wished he could play over and over again. After escaping you fell softly to the ground, Peter beside you. Turning to look at his face, you let yourself remember the many years you had spent together growing and loving one another. 

“And you, darling, are just as delightful.” Stretching a bit, you pressed a kiss to his jaw to reaffirm your statement. You both sighed quietly while taking in the moment, the sun was shining not too bright, the flowers created a beautiful aroma, and your lover was laying by your side. 

“Do you remember what you said to me the night you proposed?” You smile at the memory, Peter had spent weeks courting you, and even longer trying to win your father over. 

“Of course I do.” He scoffs as if he is hurt that you’d ever think he’d forget. “And I think it has to be one of the most romantic things ever.” You hit his chest, both of you chuckling. 

“‘I love you, and that’s all I really know?’ That is the most romantic thing ever said?” Again he feigned hurt by slapping a hand over his chest. 

“How dare you? I do believe you are the one who said yes, and then proceeded to stay with me all these years.” You roll your eyes, perhaps you had decided to stay with him, he was so wonderful after all. “Of course I did, because I love you Peter.” 

“And I love you, my heart.” You roll over to lay half way on his chest before pressing your lips to his, and you smile knowing that you wouldn’t trade this for the world. 

—

You decided the book might be one of the most enthralling and beautiful stories you’ve ever read. The story wildly resembled the love you shared with your boyfriend, so of course you had to purchase it. Though you still continued to peruse the shop. There were little trinkets here and there, a few older looking hair brushes accompanied by hand held mirrors; there were some old children's toys easily making you smile at the thought of two young friends playing. Then you saw the most beautiful set of tea cups sitting next to each other. Again, a smile found its way to your face, you could only think about an old couple sitting together, perhaps the friends that played with the toys, enjoying a nice cup of tea while watching the sun set. 

—

With The Problem, your options in life had been very limited, one of those options being friends. So you were stuck with your next door neighbor, George Karim. If there was one word to describe him, it was weird, and he knew it too. But that was what made you even closer. It was hard when he moved away, you were still somewhat young but the bond you formed was something that seemed much older. Yet you were left all alone again. 

“George Karim, you better not forget about me! I’ll find you in the future.” your little voice sounded so broken, and his was as well. 

“I can’t forget about my best friend.” He said as if it was a fact, a promise even. So you sealed it with a pinky promise and then tugged one another into a hug. 

Spending years in a regular school because you didn’t have a talent was boring. Everyone seemed to almost ignore The Problem, when all you wanted to do was talk about it. There was one boy who tried to pursue you, he faked interest in the problem to get a chance with you in bed. Of course you did nothing less than physically kicking him out of the house, but since then things seemed to be dull, black and white almost. So you decided to do something more with your life. 

Having seen an ad in the paper for a researcher you promptly took action. Knocking on the door of 35 Portland Row was nothing but horrific. What if you had managed to get the address wrong, or what if it was a group of older much scarier men? Your mind wouldn’t stop spinning, that was until the lock could be heard turning and the door swung open. The boy hadn’t even looked up at you before speaking. 

“If you’re here about the position, you have about 5 minutes because it is almost te-”

“Tea time. 3 o'clock tea time.” Your voice held hope, something you hadn’t felt in a long time. 

“Exactly.” He sounded almost agitated, but then he looked up at you, and all the disdain washed from his face. You smiled slightly, but were caught off guard as he almost tackled you in a hug. 

“It’s you!” pulling back, though he still held onto your shoulders. “You found me.” It was more of a statement than a question.

“A pinky promise is not to be broken, right?” Your smile was so bright he was sure you could turn the gloomy day bright, technically you already had. He quickly ushered you inside, passing what you assumed was the makeshift interview room, George told the other boy that you needed a bit of tea prior to your interview. 

As you got situated at the dining table you watch him move about the kitchen, quickly heating up the water while pulling out different types of tea. He was humming an old song, one your mother used to play while you and he would play in the living room. 

“My favorite!” a bit surprised but grateful, he turned to face you. 

“I know,” he smiled sweetly, and oh how you missed that smile. “I can’t seem to forget it.”  

You spent more time than necessary letting the tea get to a reasonable drinking temperature and even more time getting caught up with one another. All the while you couldn’t help but think that it was much more than just change that brought you back together; and that you were excited for these sweet nothings to continue. 

— 

By the time you had come out of your little daydream, you had realized it had begun to rain. And though you loved the rain, you weren’t in the proper attire for it. 

“Why don’t you stay a bit longer dear, I can sort you out some tea and we can talk to pass the time.” The old lady at the counter, who you almost forgot about, said. 

“Oh, thank you but that’s too kind I wouldn’t-”

“Don’t be silly, it is rare that I get company.” She politely interrupted, now you didn’t have the heart to tell her no. As she trailed off into the back room you let yourself peruse the tables a bit long, but a sharp yelp of laughter caught your attention, you looked outside to see a young couple jumping in the newly formed puddles. The boy looked at the girl as if she had hung the moon. 

—

It had been one of the toughest missions you had ever been on. After receiving an anonymous tip about a bombing about to happen, you and Natasha had been partnered together to evacuate the building as quickly as possible. Thankfully, with great struggle, you had managed to save everyone. But the possibility of failure still weighed heavily on your chest. So when you got home you packed a plate full of food, grabbed some water, and went up to your room to change and lay on your bed. 

You had been alone for all of 30 minutes, enough time to finish your food and enough to be on the cusp of falling asleep. But that quickly ended when there was a quiet knocking on the door. The grumble you let out should be enough for the other person to understand that you wanted to be left alone, but it wasn’t. The door creaked open, and you could tell it was him before he even set foot into your room. 

“I heard it was a tough one.” Thankfully his voice was quiet and calm, otherwise you might have chucked a pillow at him. “I thought maybe you could use some company.” With a nod of acceptance, he made his way to lay down next to you. Reaching a hand out, he took it pulling you closer until you were laying on his chest. 

“I love you.” he then pressed a kiss to your head, and all felt right. 

After some time there was a light patter of rain on your window and suddenly you had some energy rushing through your body. 

“Peter, come on!” You exclaimed quietly. He opened his eyes groggily, though you knew he wasn’t actually sleeping. You grabbed his hand again just like you had about an hour ago, though this time you were dragging him up and out of bed. “Put your shoes on!” This time you were louder as you hopped about on one foot as you attempted to put on your sneakers. 

You had him following you out, but the second he felt the water droplets hitting his body he squished his face all up. But you had missed it, you were too busy jumping in puddles, the ends of your pants were now soaked, and your socks were far beyond dry, but you could care less. And Peter could care less about the rain dripping down his face, all he cared about was your laugh and how every time you looked as though you couldn’t get happier, you did. 

“Pete, come one, don’t make me jump around all by myself!” And who was he to deny you. Soon your found yourselves soaked to the bone, 

“You are the only person I’d dance with in a storm in my best pair of sweatpants.” He chuckled as you purposefully splashed him.

“I know, and I love it!”

—

“Dear, the tea is ready!” the lady called out from upstairs, ” You tore your gaze away from the couple finding yourself more intrigued the further up you went into the store. It gradually got lighter, the walls were soon covered in a yellow daisy pattern wallpaper. And soon you were welcomed by walls full of pictures, there were stacks of books all around the living room, and a few candles that looked as though they were on their last legs. 

You found the woman in the kitchen standing on her tippy toes to reach for the sugar. Swiftly taking action you reached up from behind her and pulled the sugar down for her. 

“My husband used to always get that for me.” She lets out a chuckle, but it doesn’t hold any tone of sadness. “Now please, have a seat!” She pointed towards the small sunroom you hadn’t noticed. 

“This is beautiful, I didn’t know apartments could have sunrooms anymore.” You gently grazed a few of the trailing plants, out of your eye you could have sworn you saw one move. 

“I know, they usually don’t. But when I begged my husband, he couldn’t help but give in!” You met her on the couch, observing the house. It was quiet for a bit, but it wasn’t uncomfortable which was rather unexpected seeing as you were sitting with a stranger. 

“What was your husband like?” You broke the silence. She smiled at you as if she was waiting for you to ask that. Standing up she mumbled something about staying put while she rummaged through her living room before finding what she was looking for. 

As she made her way back to you and you found your heart filling, in her hands she held 4 picture books. She plopped them down on the table before pulling the top one off. The outside was covered in stickers, and on the front was ‘1974’, she traced it with her finger before flipping it open. The inside was just as decorated, there were drawings and captions around a whole bunch of photos. 

“This was the year I met my husband, Remus. He’s the tall one right there.” She said fondly while pointing to the boy with a healing cut across his cheek. Next to him were 3 other boys and a girl with red hair, each wearing matching ties, school issued you assumed. 

“And who are the others?” She was quick to begin her explanation of how they all met. Apparently the four boys had known one another since their first year, but then the red head, Lily, and herself had slowly integrated into the group with some of their other friends. 

“We were such a rambunctious group, that one,” she pointed to a black haired boy, “was always causing the most chaos. But he had a troubled home life, so we were more gracious with him. And later his younger brother came along and joined our group.” She was flipping through the pages, you saw photos of the group out by a lake, some of parties, at least 2 of a buck in the room, though you chose not to comment on that. Then she reached for the next book, titled 1975-1977.

The pictures progressed into pictures of younger her and her husband, a few of them standing near one another on snowy paths, others where they are fully dressed in red and gold, again assuming it was a part of a school event. Though you were entranced by the photos, all you could do was admire the woman’s devotion and absolute adoration that she seemed to hold for her late husband. It seemed as though she had loved him longer than he had even known. 

“My was he handsome, always was.” she continued to stare at one particular picture. 

You assumed it was the day they had gotten engaged by the size of her smile, and the ring on her finger that hadn’t been there before. She stood next to Remus, who was staring down at her with a fond smile. 

“He was handsome. What was he like?” You were unsure if that was the right question to ask by the saddened look she held, but it was soon erased as she looked up at you. She let out a laugh as tears spilt over. 

“Remus was a quiet one, shy but also very cocky. He was a genius, in fact he had his own little study group, he helped tutor some of the younger grades. But my oh my was he mischievous, he was the brains behind all the wild schemes he and his friends put up.” Then she turned her attention to the flat. “He adored books, as you can see. I loved them too, but I think to him, they were an escape. He used to read them to me as well.” She trailed off quietly for a moment. The more she talked about him, the more you felt as if you recognized him, recognized their relationship. But you chose not to say anything about it.

“But enough of that sad nonsense! I’m sure you have far better things to attend to, I sense there is something special happening tonight?” you shook your head before finishing the rest of your tea.

“I appreciate this, truly!” Offering her a kind smile, you pulled out your wallet in preparation for paying, but she put her hand over yours. 

“No, don’t worry about it dear, I believe these items chose you. I would feel better if you had them as if they were already yours.” As you were about to protest, she began pushing you back towards the door and out into the street. “Have fun this evening, dear.” She smiled before shutting the door in your face. 

—

“Darling, I am home!” You said with a raised voice. Today had been something else entirely and you were excited to tell him all about it. The smell of food wafted through the hallway pulling you towards the kitchen. But you weren’t met with your lover, you were met with your friend instead. 

“Analise? What are you doing here?” There is no point in denying that you were a bit disappointed that she was here, today was your special day with your boyfriend. 

“What are you talking about? I’m not here.” Now you were truly perplexed, the smirk that she wore didn’t help at all. 

“I-” she simply grabbed your elbow and walked you outside to your small backyard. Then you understood why she was there. There was a small table set out in the yard near your flower garden, with two chairs and some lights hanging around the yard. And there stood your lover, smiling brightly. Tears grew in your eyes, how special this was. 

“Hello, my love.” He stepped forward to press a kiss to your lips. 

“What is all this?” your voice was barely above a whisper as you looked around. 

“For you. I wanted to do something special for our anniversary.” Now he led you over to sit down across from him. 

The evening held some light conversation, by the end your stomach was happy and your heart felt light. 

“I hope you saved room for dessert.” 

“I always have room for dessert, silly!” Your laugh was as beautiful as a sunset, at least that’s what he thought. You turned to face the house, Analise was bringing out a small tray of cupcakes, and while your back was turned, and your mouth was drooling, you missed the sound of your love moving. As Analise set the tray down you turned to ask your love which you should eat first, you noticed he was gone. Spinning in your chair to face the opposite direction you saw your love down on one knee. 

“Have I known you 20 seconds or 20 years?” he says with a slight smile. “Honestly, honey, I have no idea, but  I’ve loved you three summers now, honey, but I want ‘em all. I’m gonna love you when our hair is turning gray. And I will spend every day for the rest of my life showing how much I love you.” 

Vigorously shaking your head yes, you launched yourself at him holding on tight around his neck, hoping to never let him go. 

“Yes, a thousand times yes!” Your voice was somewhat quiet, making the moment more intimate. “We’re gonna be timeless.”

#grace writes #please please please do well #peter parker imagine #peter parker x reader #tom peter parker #peter parker comfort #marvel imagine #peter pevensie #peter pevensie x reader #narnia x reader #peter pevensie imagine #lockwood and co #george karim #x reader #anthony lockwood x reader #george karim x reader #george karim x you #lockwood netflix #marvel x reader #narnia imagine #multifandom fic #multifandom x reader

[chiffiorra]

╰┈➤ You're Relaxed, You're Sublime, You're Amazing

➜ Synopsis: You've had many try and claim to be your "number one fan" ever since you've started gaining a following, but this one was different from the rest. And he'd never let you forget it.

➜ Pairings: Ryusei Shidou x fem!singer!reader

➜ This Fic Contains the Following: Dubcon, mentioned stalking, forced entry, reader is a well-known singer in the community, reader being a cabaret or pop singer implied, restraining, bruising, floor sex, unprotected sex, creampie, reader is smaller than Shidou, potential word vomit, author simps for Shidou way too much and is still new to writing smut oops

➜ WC: 4,000

➜ Note: for part of the dark content collab by @/ilyluffy! i just had to join in and write for my insect boyfriend <333! while there are allusions to reader being a cabaret or pop singer, feel free to use your imagination if neither are your thing <3! i also took a little inspiration from my kinktober day #6, iykyk. it's also my first time writing for my boi, apologies for him seeming off ;w; title from slipknot's "virus of life"

➜ Songs as Inspiration: Virus of Life - Slipknot, Killpop - Slipknot

➜ Also Posted on Ao3: here

Now usually he didn't care for any type of person, much less any type that threw themselves at him. Most of the time he would roll his eyes and be on his way or even entertain them a little and never follow through with his promises on some occasions. The only one that fully got his attention was Sae and nobody else.

This time would be different however. And it all started when he saw one lovely little entertainer on the stage.

You.

For months, Ryusei Shidou would go to the bar every Saturday night to watch you sing for the bar patrons. Ever since he first watched your performance weeks after your debut, he felt something inside him stir.

How you sang your heart out on the stage, how you moved the crowd with your voice without much effort, how you looked… Shidou was entranced by it all. Just who were you? How long did you perform for this shithole of a bar with sometimes below average drinks and food? In his eyes, you were a mere jewel in mystery. One that needs to be picked away to a better place than this, that’s for sure.

What was that Ego said about someone being a “diamond in the rough” again?

As you continued to serenade the crowd, he leaned forward to get a better look at you and focus on your singing better. In this moment, he could imagine himself being alone with you in this lonely bar. At this very moment, no one else in this dingy bar existed except you and him. To him, it was you singing and swaying your hips for him. Not for the crowd, but for him. For his eyes only.

It was a good thing that he went to said bar alone tonight, otherwise Sae would wonder what was going on in his head. Then again, he doubted that the other man would even bother to ask.

Try as he might, Shidou did attempt to tune the rest of the crowd out; but unfortunately he could hear them all: the wolf whistles, the whispers about you, and the not so quiet comments among sober and drunk men on what they would do to you. It irritated him so badly, he wanted to drag those men away from the bar and beat them senseless. His fists clenched tightly just thinking about it.

Sure he couldn’t blame those men, you looked even more divine than usual. With your light makeup and high slit dress, you truly were a sight for sore eyes tonight. A real beauty so to speak. A beauty that should not be shared let alone seen by the ordinary folk who don’t deserve it. Hell, Shidou felt like he didn’t deserve you on some occasions.

As Shidou watched you croon the final notes of your song into the mic, he decided what he needed to do. Something that he should’ve done so long ago after watching you perform at the very same but very shady establishment.

It was time to pay a visit to his favorite songbird.

Yes, this was perfect for him. Even if you wouldn’t love it, you would eventually. You would see…

—

The next day came and you were alone in your house, sipping some coffee while watching TV in your living room. All was quiet and well as you reflected back to your performance. The crowd enjoyed you as per usual, and you even seemed to pick up one or two new fans. You even gave someone an autograph, which surprised you. It wasn’t the first time that people wanted your autograph or on rare occasions a picture with you, but it still felt unreal to you. You didn’t think you were super famous or anything along the likes of that, if anything you thought of yourself more as a small singer within your community who had a dream of hopefully making it big into stardom.

It seemed like wishful thinking, but you could always dream either way.

As you were daydreaming while sipping your coffee, you almost jumped from your spot on the couch hearing a knock on the door. Tilting your head to the side in confusion, you began to wonder, ‘Did I expect someone today?’

Nevertheless, you got up and opened the door and were greeted by a smiling man. Immediately his appearance surprised you— tall, well built, pink and blonde hair, and the most striking feature of all: his eyes, being a pink color and appearing almost catlike. As you continued to take in his full appearance, his smile stretched into more of a grin. You won’t deny that the sight of it made you a little anxious. Still, you didn’t want to judge from appearances alone so you tried to be friendly.

“Hello sir, can I help you?” You asked, beginning the conversation. You opened the door a bit more to reveal more of your figure.

Shidou had to refrain from licking his lips at the sight of you. Sporting a slight bedhead, a robe, and a sleepy expression now waking up at the sight of him? He still thought you were the most beautiful woman ever. And he was definitely curious to know what was under that layer of clothing. But he had other matters to focus on first, that part could come by later.

“None of those formalities now babe, I’m just here to greet ya and tell you that ‘m your biggest fan! And I wanna know if I can get your autograph, what do ya say?” That grin was still there on his face. And that’s when you noticed it, he had a piece of paper in his hand.

A confused expression painted on your face as he continued on, noticing it, “Doesn’t ring a bell, huh? I saw you last night if that helps. I always swing by on Saturdays to catch you singin’ live, and I’m surprised you’re not putting out any albums yet.”

“Oh! Forgive me, it’s still early in the morning and I’m not one hundred percent awake yet! I’d be happy to give you an autograph!” You exclaimed, your expression changing into a smile. “Could I ask for your name?”

Shidou almost melted at the sight of your smile, he almost wanted to take another picture of it like he had the previous times. Before he could let his mind wander any further, he waved you off before digging in his pocket, “Got a pen here. Just be sure to add ‘To my biggest fan’ somewhere, why don’t ya?” He asked, which made you laugh in response. Your laugh just made his heart beat and that stirring feeling inside him arose even more.

After signing for him and wishing him well on his way with a teasing “See you around, biggest fan!” and a laugh, you shut the door on him, back to whatever what you were doing previously. Shidou frowned after you shut the door, unhappy with what you just said.

Looking down at the autograph, he was greeted with the previously blank sheet now written with your handwriting. On it, in bright red ink were the words: “To my biggest fan Shidou, thank you for all of your support. With love,” and there was your name at the end with a star drawn next to it.

It wasn’t the autograph that now irked him, far from it actually, it was your laugh and teasing tone when he told you he was your biggest fan. Maybe it was because you had others in the past claim that they held the title? He wouldn’t have doubted otherwise if that were the case. As he turned away from your home, the frown on him grew deeper. No, he refused to have anyone else claim to be your “biggest fan”. Not now, not ever.

Two people walking by noticed the angry man storming off in their direction and immediately moved out of his way but Shidou couldn’t give any less of a damn. There were many thoughts going on in his head but out of all of them, only two stood out the most.

One: Stop himself from crumbling the autograph. Otherwise, all that time planning to meet you would’ve made everything a waste if he chose to destroy something so precious from you. It took so long pinpointing your address after all… even more so when he chose to hire a private investigator for help.

Two: You may have been laughing and joking around with him, but he was really serious when he said that he was your biggest fan. And he was going to prove it to you one day, all he needed to do for now was bide his time. It was a good thing that he could stop by on Saturday too, which left him to eagerly wait until your performance ended later.

With that, his frown changed into a wide sickening grin as he let his mind finally wander. He couldn’t wait to see you after the show, he had something for you.

—

“Good night, everybody! Thank you!” You cheered into the mic, waving goodbye to the crowd. As you walked off the stage, you smiled. A lovely showstopper, which was rare mind you, and with a supporting audience? You felt like you were on fire tonight. You’d get a simple applause from half the crowd whenever you sang for them, but tonight was different. Everyone was really tuned into your act. This had rarely ever happened to you but who were you to complain? As long as you got to sing for people and at least gain a little support, you were happy. This time, you felt like you were slowly but surely coming closer to your dream of becoming a famous singer.

Sure the dilapidated bar with stale drinks and food was not really ideal for you compared to other nicer places you sang at, but in a way it was like another home for you. It was the first place you ever sang at.

Before you could reminisce some more, you headed outside to your car. When you opened the car door, you felt an… odd feeling. Like you were being watched. Looking around cautiously, you saw no one. The street lights illuminating the otherwise shady parking lot and streets caught nobody hanging around, it was only you and your car alone out in the dark.

Never mind that, you shook off your paranoia as you quickly got in and headed home. But you still felt a little afraid that there was someone or something out there and you couldn’t see them.

That feeling only got worse as you got home.

The feeling of dread seemed to grow as you quickly stepped into your house. But what you never anticipated was someone being fast enough to follow you home.

As you tried to quickly shut the door, you were horrified to be greeted by a large hand stopping you at the last second. You gasped out in shock and tried to use all your might to close it, but this person was much stronger compared to you.

After they forced the door open with great strength which caused you to stumble back, you were greeted with the same man you met last week, same grin on his face too but much more sinister compared to your first meeting.

“Sh-Shidou?!” You exclaimed as he shut the door and locked it. “Why are you here? What do you want?” You cried out as you quickly backed away from him.

Shidou only quietly approached you no matter how much you tried to put as much distance between you two. This made you turn and try to run away to the back door, but it was no use. He chased after you in no time and grabbed you by your forearm. Dragging you back to him, he wrapped both of his arms around you, preventing you from moving away from him.

“I can show you where the money is! Name a price and I’ll cough it up, just please don’t hurt me!” You pleaded, squirming around to try and free yourself.

You then froze up and felt your blood run cold as he leaned down and brushed his lips against the shell of your ear. “I don’t want any of your money, baby,” he whispered. “I want you.”

“What do you mean… what are you talking about?” You whimpered out, already frightened from the situation. How could someone think that this was okay?

“You know what I mean,” he responded. “Y’see, I hate how many dudes at that damned bar look at you. The shit they say about you irks me and you either don’t notice or care about them wanting you all to themselves for the night or to rip off those pretty little outfits you wear on stage… makes me wanna beat them up until they’re blue in the face,” he added, before licking your earlobe.

You couldn’t even move a muscle as you tried to comprehend what he was saying, but he didn’t seem to mind that. Nor did he seem to mind the shocked expression on your face as he continued, “What really bugs me the most was that you didn’t take me seriously when I said that I was your biggest fan. It seems like y’ had people in the past tell you that, no? Don’t worry, I can prove to you that I’m serious.” With that, you felt his hands work his way under your shirt.

You finally snapped out of your stupor as you tried to push him off of you, but alas it was to no avail. He grabbed your wrists and held onto them with such a tight grip that it made you wince out in pain, it seriously hurt.

As you looked up at him to plead, you were shocked to see him staring down at you with an angry glare. “You better stay still,” he threatened.

But you refused to give in, still resisting him and wanting to get away so you can call for help. All your efforts were in vain as he kept his grip, even more so when he knocked you both to the floor. At this point, you could already feel the bruises forming on you, mainly on your wrists.

“Stop it,” He growled out, pinning you down after you tried to kick him away. “As much as I love babes putting up a fight, it’s already getting old. Knock it off.” His tone made you freeze up again and even cry. You didn’t want to give him what he wanted, but what else can you do at this moment? He was much stronger than you and was already bruising you up. His strength terrified you and so did he.

Chuckling darkly at you finally starting to give in to him, he began grinding into you. You could feel his length starting to harden under his jeans, which made you whimper again. He leaned in closer to start kissing and licking up and down your neck. “See? Wasn’t so hard now, was it? Hm?”

You couldn’t respond as a lone tear slid down from your eye, trying to keep your breathing stable. You could now feel your body starting to betray you as you began to feel your clit throb from his grinding. You kept your lips pursed shut, trying not to make a sound.

“Hey now… don’t look so terrified, songbird. I’m not gonna hurt ya now that you won’t fight me anymore,” he said. Pulling away from your neck, he stared down at you with a soft smile, as soft as it could be anyway. He wiped away more tears sliding down as he cooed at you, his eyes seeming to show a glint in them. Did he enjoy the sight of you crying and trying to keep yourself calm?

You only closed your eyes, not choosing to say another word as he lifted your shirt up to reveal your bra before unclasping said undergarment. After he held you up to remove both items, he immediately latched his mouth onto your right nipple. Sucking and tugging on it, he barely heard your whisper, “Shidou, please…”

“Ryusei.” He added, removing his mouth.

At your questioning gaze, he grinned, “Call me Ryusei, babe. ‘S my real name and would sound better coming from your pretty lips.”

“Okay… Ryusei,” you said. This made his eyes light up with glee before he latched onto your breasts again, switching from right to left as he began to remove your shorts and panties. Now completely naked under him, he ran his fingers up and down your slit, chuckling at the wetness that formed.

“And to think that you didn’t want me, this pussy says otherwise and she’s begging for more attention,” he muttered, covering his fingers in your slick as he moved away from you so he could see everything.

Before you could protest, he slowly inched his middle finger into your opening, slowly stretching you out. You let out a gasp as he began moving it back and forth before he let another one in. The stretch was unexpected, but you tried to adjust.

“Don’t clench now. If you can’t take my fingers, how are you gonna feel when you try to take my cock, hm?” He hummed, watching your expressions before looking down at your pussy taking his fingers in. He smirked, watching you relax and unclench so his fingers could go deeper into you.

As your breath hitched and you flinched a bit, he laughed knowing he found your sweet spot before pumping his fingers faster and faster, abusing your g-spot. He was, however, displeased that you were covering your mouth with one of your hands to prevent yourself from making a sound.

Ryusei tsked, using his free hand to move yours away, holding it down next to your head. “Nah nah, we can’t have that happening. I thought it was already clear that you weren’t gonna fight me anymore,” he teased, enjoying your distressed expression. “Don’t worry your pretty head now, I won’t deny you the chance to cum after that, I can’t do that to my favorite star.” With that, he pumped away even faster, causing you to let out a loud moan.

This pleasurable feeling was very different compared to the previous times you were intimate with someone. You wanted to kick yourself for even thinking this was pleasurable, but you couldn’t think right now as you came, letting out a loud gasp at how unexpectedly quick it happened. And without warning too.

Ryusei smiled down at you, watching you catch your breath after gushing all over his fingers. “Look at that, you sure came a lot, huh?”

You didn’t say a word, choosing to turn your head away from his leering gaze.

This didn’t sit with him as he used the hand that held your wrist down to grab your chin and make you face him. “Don’t get all shy on me now. The best part is coming now.” That made you feel flustered.

Yet, you began to feel… excited? At this point, you just gave up. There was no way to leave him now, not until he was done.

You felt yourself become wetter as you watched him strip away his clothing, purposefully taking his time as if he wanted to tease you. You whimpered again, not liking the way he was messing with you.

He cackled at the sound of it, “Ah, so you don’t like that huh? I see. It would be rude to keep my little star waiting for too long, right?” He removed his pants and briefs to finally reveal his cock.

Your eyes widened a bit at the sight of it, not ready for what was to come. You tried to back away, feeling nervous. “I- I can’t-” you began to stammer out.

Seeing you like that from his cock of all things made his sinister grin come back and his ego soar. He grabbed you by your thigh and pulled you back to him. “Stop bein’ scared, babydoll. It’ll fit. We can make it work, right?” His grip on your thigh tightened after he said that, almost as if it were a warning. You nodded frantically before laying back down.

You gasped as the tip began to rub against your clit, before Ryusei began to coat your slick all over his length.

As you took a deep breath, you let out a long exhale as he pushed into you. As he began to fill you up, you couldn’t believe that he was already stretching you to your limit. Even Ryusei let out a groan, unable to believe that you were so tight.

When he finally bottomed out in you after what felt like a while, you let out a quiet moan as you tried to relax again. This was much different from taking his fingers, so much longer than them. And girthier.

“Shit… so tight even after me fingering you, this’ll be a lot of fun,” he laid down on top of you, careful not to use all of his weight as he began to whisper in your ear. “Hold onto me, baby. I won’t go easy on you soon enough. Already feels so good,” and before you could react, he began thrusting into you.

His pace was not fast but it was hard; leaving you a breathless, moaning mess under him. You didn’t think you would cling onto him as he fucked you, but he did. The room almost felt hot as you held him close to you, your breasts jiggling slightly against his chest.

You let out a loud moan as he once again found your sweet spot, Ryusei could’ve sworn you grew wetter from that, and so, he began pistoning his hips. Repeatedly nudging against your spot along with him leaving love bites on your neck, it was hard to keep quiet. Sooner or later, the neighbors would hear the commotion and know what was going on from your moaning alone.

“Ryusei… I’m so close,” you whispered out, making him smirk. It was funny that you were letting out the loudest moans but you decided to whisper that you were reaching his peak.

Nevertheless, Ryusei let out a groan in pleasure before kissing your cheek, “Me too baby… I’m gonna cum too.” He then continued to mark you up, not satisfied with what he left on you so far.

Finally you feel it, you reach your climax around him, letting out such a pornographic moan that would make the passerby blush if they heard you. Scratching up his back, you began to whimper from the overstimulation starting to reach you as Ryusei continued.

After a few more thrusts, you let out a gasp as Ryusei bit down on the junction between your neck and shoulder, finally cumming and filling you up to the brim. He gave a few more thrusts before finally pulling out slowly, making you wince.

Now that you felt his cum leak out of you, you let out a long sigh and closed your eyes, glad that it was all over… that was until you felt yourself turning over on your stomach. Opening your eyes, you attempted to get up before feeling a large hand press down on your back. Now on your hands and knees, you looked back to Ryusei; only to be greeted by the same sinister grin that now scared you.

“C’mon now, did you think we were done so soon? ’m only just warming up,” he teased, grabbing your hips. Just as he inched his cock inside you again, you gaped, feeling that he was deeper than ever as soon as he bottomed out.

“Now why don’t you put on a little show for me like you did at the bar earlier? After that, I might just keep you as my little nightingale from now on.”

#candy uploads 🍭 #blue lock #blue lock x reader #ryusei shidou x reader #shidou ryusei x reader #shidou x reader #after dark 🌩 #lemon pastries 🥐

[astrophelstella]

The Phoenix Soars Over Liyue

Genshin Liyue Character x Strong!God!Reader

Characters: Xiao, Zhongli, Baizhu

Genre: Fluff, Romance, Some angst

Another idea that had been floating around in my head. I wanted to do another one for the Liyue characters. SFW. Reader is the dominant one and in a position with a lot of power and experience. Not something commonly seen in a lot of reader fics. First time writing for these characters, sorry if it seems OOC. I did my best. Warning: I'm a Zhongli simp

Monstadt ver.

You as the reader are known as an Adeptus in Liyue. One of it's most well known. The Phoenix. Though, it's much more complicated than that. You were originally from Natlan. The nation of Pyro. When the Archon War began and gods started battling over territory and power, you decided to leave. You were a phoenix, the last of its kind. A creature that continues to reincarnate after their flames dies out only to return brighter than ever. This made you a dangerous competitor in everyone's eyes. But you were also a creature of healing, peace and harmony. Perhaps this was why you were the last of your kind, the ongoing violence prompting your kin to leave this plane of existence. But that was the past. You fled your home, not really having people to worship you (though tales speak of the Murata people's red hair being a connection to you). Then the scorched lands of Natlan turned lush and green as you fly, with tall mountain peaks perfect for a bird of legend like you. This was Liyue.

Of course, before you could build your nest and settle down in this new land you had its inhabitants to deal with. Most of the Illuminated beasts were wary of you but left you alone otherwise. It was fine until this bratty god came along. At least, he was a brat in your eyes. A war god. You thought you had seen the last of those. Despite your attempts at diplomacy, his head was stubborn as stone. A fight ensued and while he thought he had defeated you, he was shocked to see you reform again. This time even stronger. The fight was only stopped by another god, this one much more pleasant and agreeable, who lectured the one that attacked you. She turned to you and had a proper introduction. In the end, if you wanted to stay in Liyue you had to make a contract. Promising to come to its aid and protect the land from dangers. You wanted to escape fighting but at least this was fighting to protect something. From then you made a great friend in the kind god, 'Guizhong' was her name. Not so much with 'Morax' but you had all the time in the world to build some trust.

Fast forward thousands of years later and you were now wandering through Liyue Harbor, on its rooftops. You were a common sight in Liyue. The Phoenix was the friendliest to humans, not necessarily running things but being a warm presence with lots of wisdom to share. You made a point not to interfere, knowing it was best mortals learned on their own. People still admired the sight of you. Taller than most mortals, glowing eyes like fire, the beautiful gold and red markings on your skin and the vibrant exotic clothes you wear. While you found a home in Liyue, you still retained some of Natlan's clothing style. You were as mesmerizing as you were dangerous. Moving atop rooftops elegantly, barefoot. The light jingle of your jewelry the only sound you made.

When you were not in Liyue, you simply napped in the wilds. Your peers saw you as lazy. All this power condensed into a slothful being. You shrugged it off, they aren't the ones who have to reincarnate every so often. Plus, you were practically retired. All that fighting, you just wanted to spend your time being idle. So you let a lot of things go, like decorum. If only people were more lax like you, and not sticking their nose up at other people. It was a much more fulfilling existence. Still, no beings were willing to cross you.

Despite everything you lived a rather solitary life. With a few exceptions...

Xiao

"Y/N are you still napping? Hn, you can't just..."

He had a lot of respect for you. Being older and stronger than him, he spent a good chunk of his immortal existence watching you fight. People called you lazy but he remembered back in the day were you left battlefields covered in blood, all your enemies defeated on the ground.

You would not only help the Yakshas in training and combat, but took care of injuries. Your flames didn't just burn things, they could heal too. Whatever wounds he had were gone as he felt your fire graze his skin. He would shiver, feeling warmth instead of scorching hot. You were truly a being of life.

A favorite hobby of your was to nap anywhere in the wild. Even the strangest of places. It made you hard to find. Not for Xiao. Whenever he wasn't protecting Liyue, he would go out and find you. You've woken up many times to Xiao standing over you.

It was cute, how he followed you around. It was like a feral cat bonding with someone after being fed and trailing after them. You convinced him to rest and value the more mundane things in life.

With memories of being consumed by darkness, he appreciated your bright flames. A source of warmth and light. He was drawn in like a moth, uncaring if it could burn him in the end.

Verr Goldet was familiar with you. There was a room in Wangshu Inn that was basically the attic and yours since it had the fluffiest bed paired with the best view. It was also easy for Xiao to enter through the window and hang around atop the rafters.

There were many nights were he would come back from patrol, still buzzing from combat. As soon as he was in your room, his muscles would relax and he'd feel a little bit at peace. You would tend to his wounds, large hands brushing against his skin along with your beautiful flames washing away the worst of the karmic debt.

With him being so short, he barely reached your waist. The size gap was enormous. He'd turn red you backed him to a wall because his face was right next to-

He'd fluster whenever you beckoned him to sleep next to you. But you didn't know anyone else who would nap with you. You were the best cuddle buddy, being a source of warmth and a large frame that could make anyone feel safe being encased in.

You would sometimes be in your Phoenix form and Xiao in his Adeptus form as you cuddle in your nest. Your next consisting of the fluffiest of blankets, pillows and mattresses along with a few shiny trinkets you would pick up and bring home (you were a bird after all).

Your large wing would be covering him as he had the most peaceful sleep in a long time.

"The nightmares-" he began.

"Won't come near. Not when I'm around Xiao. Sleep." He slept close to you, curled in a fetal position. For the first time in many years, not a single nightmare troubled his sleep.

Zhongli

"I've been waiting for you. Liyue Harbor seems more tranquil this morning. Oh, here, your tea. Just how you like it."

Now there's a lot of history here. He was the first person you actually met since arriving to Liyue. That encounter seemed like lifetime ago. Many things had changed. Including your relationship.

While you didn't get along at first, Guizhong was your common friend. When she was gone, you mourned with him. From then, there was a quiet understanding that you would watch out for each other and honor her memory. It helped he grew out of his more stubborn thinking (for the most part).

He sought out your companionship. Centuries fighting by his side built a trust stronger than the earth itself. Internally, worried he'd lose another. He didn't want it to be you. Not after everything. Tales grew in Liyue about the Dragon and the Phoenix. Eternal companions.

During quiet times he grew melancholic because he couldn't remember her face, you drew him to your side and described her the best you could. When you fell into periods of weakness just before reincarnating, he refused to leave your side. He hated seeing you like that, snuffed out of your flame but he consoled himself knowing you always bounced back.

Other times he'd seek you out when he had troubles leading a mortal life. Despite being a bit older than him, you actually kept up with the times. Like when Childe fed him his special dish, a weird seafood bowl that had tentacles sticking out of it. Zhongli getting terrible flashbacks took one bite, then up and ran to you.

You rubbed his back as he washed out his mouth with water. You made sure to serve him some traditional food later and wash his clothes so it didn't retain the scent of seafood.

Still being new to having a mortal body, he forgot certain necessities. Like eating. He never needed to do it consistently before until his stomach made an unusual noise. He placed a hand on it, confused. Adorable, you thought and reminded him he needed food.

Sometimes he'd skip meals, having work to do at the funeral parlor. You disliked such a habit and would shove food to his face, chopsticks close to his mouth. It confused him why you feeding him made him feel strange but not unwelcome. He would always keep a special pair of chopsticks with him, the one with the dragon and phoenix on it. Funny what mortals come up with. (Liyue citizens be shipping hardcore)

Oh? He bought his own home in Liyue to better assimilate his mortal life? Is there a bed? You're already asleep on it. Zhongli took one step in and saw your large form snoring in his room. He hadn't even told you where he moved in.

Honestly he wasn't surprised, you lazy bird. (Some part of him already knew. It was why he subconsciously picked the largest bed, even if it put a dent on his funds.) You were staying at his home more and more until the neighbors actually thought you were both married.

He tried to explain it to them but his face grew warmer as the neighbors gushed how devoted you seem coming home everyday before dinner with groceries. You two were the couple. To his surprise you laughed (in your human disguise) and didn't correct them, only wrapping a hand around his waist to pull him closer.

This misunderstanding seems to have extended to the rest of Liyue Harbor. He doesn't know how until his boss explained it like it was obvious. What were the locals supposed to think when they see you with a hand on the mysterious funeral consultant's shoulder or lower back, taking long walks around Liyue. He would be his usual self and trying to buy things he didn't have the money for but you pay for it anyways without thinking.

Eventually, it happened so much that merchants and shop owners would turn to you automatically after Zhongli made a purchase so you could hand out the money. In restaurants they knew to give you the check. Some people were jealous how much you pampered him. (A lot of breakups and divorces happened as people's standards rose.)

HuTao made fun of him for having a sugar daddy/mommy but told him not to mess up the relationship because it meant less funds missing from the funeral parlor.

The next time you two went on a walk he was now now more hyper aware of the large, warm hand pressed on his lower back. It felt natural when you first did it but now he wondered what this could mean. Or maybe it was a long time coming.

"Y/N care to make a contract with me?" He asked, there was something different about his expression. He seemed unsure. You were both watching the sunset over Liyue Harbor. In the distance you could hear a storyteller weave a tale about the arrival of the Phoenix to Liyue.

"Oh, what would that entail?"

"After I give up my gnosis, after I retire as an Archon... stay by my side, forever, until the end."

A pause. "We don't need a contract for that." You pulled him closer until he could feel your breath. After all, the Phoenix knew they would spend every reincarnation with their precious dragon.

In the distance, you hear the storyteller finish the story with "... the Phoenix soars over Liyue Harbor and sees a cor lapis born from the earth. It was so radiant and enchanting the sun that was its heart grew captivated. They vowed to stay in Liyue for as long as the cor lapis was theirs."

Baizhu

Its a wonder how the two of you could have met. A mortal healer and an immortal phoenix. The answer was: Qiqi

You were being your lazy self and napping in the wilds when a zombie child approached you. She was looking for herbs but got distracted when she saw you, in your vibrant clothes and shiny jewelry just laying across a bed of flowers. You recognized the the child, remembering the Yakshas' remorse. Still, you were in the middle of soaking up a sunbeam and tried to shoo her away.

This kept happening as the days went by. Until she ran into some treasure hoarders. You, admittedly, had started keeping an eye out for her even as you 'napped'. Before they could even lay a hand on her, your warning came in the form of a flaming tornado. In the end, the scum were sent running and you told the child to be more careful as you walked her back home, her tiny hand grasping your pants so she doesn't wander.

Reaching the pharmacy, the herbalist manning the desk greeted Qiqi with a smile until he paled at the sight of you. He immediately bowed. You waved it off, looking around curiously. You had never been in a place of healing. Mortal medicine was never concern being gifted with innate healing abilities. Then a voice called out, asking about the commotion.

You watched as one of the prettiest mortals you've ever seen walked in. Qiqi let go of your pants to stay near him. He seemed happy to see her until he saw you. Qiqi told him what happened earlier. His usual charisma returned to him and he thanked you for keeping his precious Qiqi safe. You didn't ask for anything in return but wanted to stick around and learn about the place and him. Mortal medicine had peaked your interest.

The following days Baizhu had you sometimes looking over his shoulder. You weren't obnoxious or interrupted his work but you were always there, learning about herbs and watching medicine being made. It's not like he could tell a powerful Adeptus to leave, especially when they weren't doing anything. Plus, you attracted customers.

But sometimes he wondered if your eyes were really on the medicine when he felt someone watching him intently. He'd look to you but you were already chatting with the herbalist. Changsheng would tease, seeing him hesitate around you. To prove her wrong he offered to show you in person how he healed people. That snake was already on your side, after you heaped compliments on them during your first meeting.

Now your closer. It was probably due to your biology but standing next to you felt like being next to a fireplace. He wasn't one to get flustered so easily, coyly asking if you understood what he demonstrated. You had been leaning forward to focus on it, his face a bit too close to your ear. Your eyes would glint a golden light meeting his and he'd shiver at the look. The serpent met its match.

Besides the thick tension between you two, there was a lot of wholesome moments with you babysitting Qiqi. For all your devil-may-care attitude, you took care of her and made sure nothing ever bothered her. HuTao ended up being tossed out like a cat by the scruff when she tried to bury her again. The zombie cowering behind you.

While you didn't interfere with his work, he did ask you to heal his patients sometimes when there wasn't any solution. When his illness got the better of him, you would use your flames on him too. It had a revitalizing effect. His days were much more pleasant now that you were around. Instead of payment, you asked to be around him more. Now you go on outdoor walks or picnics.

You understood what he was going through. As someone who always reincarnated, it meant experiencing times of severe exhaustion. It would be days feeling your body die on you. So with everything you had, you would help him with his.

"Oh? Qiqi hasn't taken up too much of your time Y/N?" he asked, watching the girl fiddle with one of golden chains on your person.

"No. She seems rather attached." you dangled one of your feather pieces and she tried to catch it. Sprawled across the ground, you looked impossibly eye-catching. Eventually, she noticed a butterfly and left to observe it.

He took a seat next to you. "Things have been much more manageable with your presence honorable Y/N. Be careful, or you might be stuck here. " he made it out to be lighthearted but in truth, he meant it. Watching you dote after Qiqi despite your 'uncaring' attitude was unfairly endearing.

Changsheng spoke up, "He's a greedy man. Leave while you still can or it'll be torture working for him." She slithered off his shoulders and on to your stomach, your warmth being too comfortable to resist. Traitor.

He drew a mock offended face. "Why I would never-"

"I don't mind." You looked him in the eyes and smirked. "It's a torture I'm coming to enjoy."

Not for the first time around you, he had no words. How dare you.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

School finally lightened up which means time to get this done. Not a lot of characters to choose from. Ningguang or Beidou didn't seem like submissive types and everyone else was too young. Does this one feel a little more fluffy? Anyways, I did my best to get the characters down.

#genshin #genshin impact #genshin reader #genshin reader insert #genshin characters x reader #genshin imagines #genshin dom reader #genshin x you #zhongli x y/n #zhongli x reader #xiao x reader #xiao x y/n #baizhu x reader #baizhu x y/n #really need me some more Baizhu content #fine. i'll do it myself

[seelestia]

◇ A Blessed Imperfection ◇

─ ⊹ ⊱ ・・・・・・☆・・・・・・・⊰ ⊹ ─

LIA'S NOTE: aaaaa, thank you sm for submitting and writing this masterpiece, ☆ starlight anon! i'm so sorry that i wasn't able to post this asap but now, i'm sobbing as i read this. (/pos) do give this a read if you have the time and show ☆ starlight anon (@/hermosacolibri) some support for their godly writing 💐 this work does not belong to me, all credits go to ☆ starlight anon!

+ tagging @zhongrin — ehe! rin jie, you gotta take a look at this <3

CW: fem!reader, mentions of pregnancy and childbirth (in zhongli's part), reader has a vision (geo for zhongli and electro for ayato).

─ ⊹ ⊱ ・・・・・・☆・・・・・・・⊰ ⊹ ─

SYNOPSIS: Many consider your disability as a burden, but he finds a way to make it a blessing in disguise. What makes us flawed is what makes us unique, and that is what he considers the most beautiful thing about you—an imperfection he dearly adores. Nevertheless, he knows of your lingering sorrows and thus seeks a way to support you in the best way he could.

CHARACTERS: Zhongli, Kamisato Ayato

NOTE: I have decided to just submit the excerpts for these two and dedicated them to Rin and you respectively lol. I kept getting ideas and suddenly there were more characters to write, which made the entry too long. If you or the others wish to read more, I have an account on Quotev (a writing platform) that compiled all these sorts of literary works. People can also request there. I will provide the link if anyone is interested once I get everything cleaned up :)

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ZHONGLI is a god whom has lived for eons, and has yet to begin his life at the same time. After his six millennia of existence, he has been known by many names and bestowed countless titles. Some are hearsay, and some are legitimate—all are bonded through his contracts. As the Prime Adeptus, he is the warrior god named Morax who subdued the rage of oceans and monsters by rain of spears. To all of Liyue, he is the mighty Rex Lapis whom stood as the overseer of contracts, history, and commerce. By the word of Celestia, he is the Geo Archon whom holds dominion over the Gnosis; and in the eyes of Teyvat, that made him god amongst gods even if he felt otherwise under the divine gaze.

Alas, when he finally stepped down from the lonely throne, his words to the Traveler omitted a particular truth from him—

—that is, his reason of retirement.

Zhongli spoke of erosion, and even the merchant whom made him realize that his job was done.

However, he did not speak of you.

Of course, with two Harbingers present, his secrecy is understandably sound judgment. Nevertheless, even when he attained privacy to speak personally, he finds it hard to disclose about you. Perhaps, it is a draconic instinct to hoard and protect what he has claimed to be his.

The only other individual just as protective over any knowledge of your existence is Ningguang.

After all, the Tianquan of the Liyue Qixing is also known as your dear older sister.

Ningguang raised you since the beginning, even if she had been a mere child herself. Your parents are never spoken, and you never asked. Even when you find yourself in comparison to other children with mothers and fathers, your older sister was always all you needed and wanted. Tirelessly, she carried you on her back while her arms were occupied by a basket of wares to be sold. Barefoot, she journeyed from the sands of Yaoguang Shoal to the main capital of Liyue Harbor to make ends meet. Every weekend, you will both scavenge anything that can be sold.

The first gift she ever bought you was an intricate erhu of the best craftsmanship.

It had been your smiles that told her everything will be worth the effort. It had been your songs that soothed the ache of muscles and the weariness of mind. It had been your words that invigorated her ambition to become something more.

“I love you, jiejie!”

“…I love you too, meimei.”

Nothing would stop Ningguang from rising to the top and giving you the life you deserve.

Time is cruel to mortals and always issues a test of faith to see them thrive. In one such incident, it has been proven that you and Ningguang are true sisters in every sense of the word. Her determination can only be rivalled by yours, and the resolve which shine like stars in your eyes is unconquerable.

Your older sister had once fallen to sickness. She refused to tell you where she kept the money, not wanting to waste it to buy medicine. You furiously argued with her about it but nothing could change her mind. Thus, at the dark of night, you treaded the path towards Jueyun Karst. The entire map of Liyue has been engraved in your mind since you could walk. Even when nothing but black greets your blank eyes, it would have been child’s play to travel into the abode of adepti.

That is, of course, if not for the adepti’s indignant anger at your trespassing.

Fortunately, you stole a Sigil of Permission.

“My sister is ill,” you told them, “and I require your aid to concoct a medicine.”

You will never know that what eventually convinced them is how gold illuminated your form. It channels your soul, and then solidifies into a circlet. At its center, a Geo Vision proudly sparkled.

Mountain Shaper thus led you to collect herbs that you would need. Moon Carver carried you on his back while Cloud Retainer flew towards Yaoguang Shoal with Ganyu on hers to check on your sister. In the distance, the Conqueror of Demons obliterated all other threats that may come your way.

By morning, Ningguang was on a road to recovery and you thanked the adepti by playing your erhu for them every day.

Amongst these private performances, you ended up in Guili Plains alone.

A melody has been haunting your dreams. It is very melancholic yet profoundly moving, like a promise between lovers. The composition began to write itself in the abyssal void of your sight. Then, it played smoothly by your delicate hands on the strings. Your voice echoed across the plains, bequeathing a sense of serenity that mortals rarely have talent to supply.

Once again, the Lord of Geo has been enchanted as he listened to your lullaby.

“Milord, to what do I owe this pleasure?”

Your inquiry was met with silence, but you can still feel his piercing eyes on you. Thankfully, you are patient as you are resilient.

The sound of footsteps made your ears perk up. You could not stop yourself from tilting your head to the direction of its origin. The omnipotence of adeptal energy dominated the air, making you dazed for a few seconds. However, there was a charming scent that you recognize. It belongs to a wild glaze lily, one especially helped to bloom by music.

Morax paused before where you sat, staring into your curious gaze looking up at him. The blindness clouded them yet your earnest intrigue made them shimmer glamorously. Autumn ginkgo leaves rain upon you whom sat beneath the shade of its tree, and he whom loomed over your mortal form. He lifts the glaze lily in his hand to bless its petals with a chaste kiss. Then, he slowly presents it to you.

A steady hand tucks a strand of hair behind your ear, planting the flower as an ornament. Your sensitive skin felt the callouses that must be from a lifetime of battle and slaughter. Alas, your cheeks only flush brightly at their tender caress. His fingertips glide through your tresses very subtly, giving you agency to pull away from his touch.

Morax pulls a lock of hair towards his lips, giving it the same attention as he did the glaze lily.

Then, with a promising smile, he lets go—

—and then vanishes in a blink.

That encounter was the first of many secrets you kept from your older sister.

A week later, a gentleman named Zhongli introduces himself to you. You narrow your eyes in suspicion and confusion. His presence, the aura of Rex Lapis, is unmistakable to you. Nevertheless, you respond with quiet acceptance while listening to his pulse settle down in relief.

It was not your place to question an archon anyway, nor is it your responsibility.

Aside from music, you always held fascination for botany. After refusing your sister’s offer to live with her in the Jade Chamber, she built you an estate with a large garden and a quaint greenhouse. From here, you have invented a unique art known as Geo Crystalline Preservation. You use the flowers in your garden to crystallize them with your Vision, but retain their scent like a real flower. By this method, you manage to pluck wild glaze lilies and preserve their natural fragrance after cultivation.

Your first specimen was the glaze lily gifted by your archon, now a part of your circlet.

Suddenly, wild glaze lilies were being revived to its former vast numbers in your garden.

Your artform can be applied to anything too. It can become a stained glass decor, a clothing design, an unwilting bouquet, and even a way to preserve food ingredients. For this reason, your fresh business had immediately made connections with all sorts of exchange across Liyue Harbor. In turn, you have developed a very reliable information network that answers to nobody but yourself. Twice, a visit from Yelan made your heart swell with pride to know you have information that eludes her.

Zhongli was more of a consultant or an advisor who directs you to the most beneficial proposals. It can be most helpful whenever you felt lost in making critical decisions that require more tact. He even made it possible for you to create a strong alliance with the Feiyun Commerce Guild. A part of you is still uncertain if that was worth the hassle that the esteemed Young Master Xingqiu tends to bring to your doorstep.

By the words of Rex Lapis, the core foundation of contracts is fairness. Thus, you asked Zhongli what he wants in exchange for his hard work.

“I only wish for your company,” Zhongli replied, “and—if you would allow it—a chance to court you.”

A gentle kiss lands upon your forehead. It brought back flashes of your first meeting under the ginkgo tree, when he was a god rather than a mortal. You used names to keep them separate, yet this moment has proven that Zhongli is Rex Lapis and Morax.

A cor lapis by any other name would nonetheless be as resplendent.

Then, two years later, he proposed and you said yes.

That resulted to an interesting private discussion between Zhongli and Ningguang. Neither of them disclosed any details other than the fact your sister gave her sincere blessings for the marriage. The wedding was reserved yet was also nothing short of extravagant. The collaboration of your sister and husband had you expecting nothing less, if you were being honest.

Another year later, the final Rite of Descension turns into a Rite of Parting.

You knew of Zhongli’s plan. He had to confide the details to you, excluding the Tsaritsa’s contract. It was the only way to persuade you into staying in Wangshu Inn for a few weeks, to make sure you do not get caught in the crossfire. He promises his intervention if all goes awry, if it endangers your sister as well as the rest of Liyue Harbor.

Then, it was all over.

Zhongli came home to kiss you with fervor you have never felt from him since your wedding night.

Later, the geo lines on his arms pulse with luminous glow in your marital bedroom. It reflected upon his amber eyes, pupils alternating between slits and dilation as his instincts purred. He closed his eyes with an inaudible sigh before projecting himself into your dreamscape.

As a blind person, you have an odd way of dreaming.

You only hear amidst the abyss and a composition always reverberates. When visited by him, everything gets reconstructed to a meadow of glaze lilies. At its heart is a Statue of the Seven. He had learnt that the imagery of stars twinkling above your heads is a sign that his own dreamscape had begun to merge with yours. A golden aurora borealis emanated pure geo energy, representing elemental resonance.

Always, the Geo Archon finds himself replacing his own self on the statue when he visits. He opens his eyes to the perspective of the statue. The illusionary Memory of Dust remains afloat beside him with a few geo crystalflies. He shall always find you fast asleep, wearing a hanfu composed of his colors. At times, your head is only resting on the armrest or his lap; and other times you are already in his arms.

Then, he cradles you closely while he listens to the tunes you dream. He has grown familiar with most of them through your erhu. A few would puzzle him, and he would then realize they are your unfinished compositions.

There was also one other reason he strictly kept you far from the events in the harbor.

You are with child.

Zhongli recalls the time you discussed the concept of illumination with him. It is the method of possibly enlightening a mortal to become an adeptus. The topic of you becoming immortal was only broached once and never again. Your own perspective in the matter was irrelevant, mostly because you were incompatible for the procedure. Although far from being an invalid, your constitution is far from ideal for such arduous illumination.

The Lord of Geo was overjoyed when you relayed the news of your pregnancy the first time. Alas, when the celebratory mood had gone, the slap of reality finally registered.

This will be a difficult ordeal for you, carrying a child that is half-adeptus.

Yanfei was conceived and born by a human mother, delivered through a complicated pregnancy. The health concerns never seemed to end, and her mother’s miraculous survival was only thanks to her tenacity according to her father. Even then, she is a mortal woman in perfectly good health.

If you were not capable of undergoing illumination, can you even survive this pregnancy?

No matter the answer though, Zhongli knows you are determined to persevere. For the sake of the life within your womb, you will endure all the hardships that will be thrown your way.

That fact is why he fell in love with you.

Perhaps, there was one thing he could do to help you even if it was not a full illumination.

As he once did for Azhdaha, the Lord of Geo can bless you the gift of sight.

You can see your child when they are born.

Zhongli lifts his head from where it rested on your crown. He tilts your chin up to gaze upon your visage and feel your breath against his skin. His fingertips grazed your eyelids, and the golden light of his geo energy engulfs the dreamscape. As everything fades into white, he leans down so his lips meet yours…

…and then, you both awaken.

However, for the first time, the haunting darkness that usually welcomed you has been replaced with color.

You saw a man hovering over you, lips millimeters apart from yours. Dark brown hair is embellished with honey gold, long strands gliding over his toned shoulders. Sharp amber eyes glared into yours, an unreadable sheen making them glow. Your hand reaches up to touch his pale cheek, thumb tracing the red outlining his gaze.

You realize. This is your husband.

“Zhongli…!” You gasped, tears in your eyes.

He smiles like a breathtaking work of art, a godly beauty that blessed you to be his wife.

“Hello, tian xin.”

Your arms wrapped around his neck to pull him into an ecstatic embrace and blissful kiss. He obliges, taking all you have and giving you all that is his.

Someday, you will no longer stay by his side.

Nevertheless, the proof of your existence will live through your child—and so will the love, the miracle that conceived them, which you shared with him. As such, you will continue to shine like gold in his memories forevermore.

This is not a mere contract, but a solemn promise that even Celestia can never break—

“My memories of you are treasures not even erosion can steal away.”

•~•~•

KAMISATO AYATO is a man whose heart seeks an equally capable partner. The idea of one day having to choose another half is something to consider as part of his duty. After all, the head of a noble clan is responsible for ensuring that its bloodline continues to prosper. To sire an heir, he must someday select a bride. His choice will lead to the rise of a matriarch within the Kamisato Clan. It must be a woman with the caliber to lead as the gentle hand of the Yashiro Commission to his iron fist. A fierce yet kind soul is necessary to command the Shuumatsuban in his place should the need ever arise. Furthermore, if he must eventually settle for a loveless marriage, his desire is to at least gain a lifelong friend. They must have the same depth of loyalty to his family, and the same steadfast resolve to uphold their principles.

Otherwise, he is very certain any other whom wishes to stand by his side will only break. With how he acts and carries himself, the people of Inazuma are more inclined to agree. Indeed, a wife less than up to par would be nothing short of disappointing.

Be that as it may, the Yashiro Commissioner can be a complicated man to love.

Ayato is a man who lives his life wearing a thousand masks, with little to no distinction between his true self and facades. At the early deaths of his parents, he was a young boy that had been forced into the lethal grind of political battles. To protect his little sister, he took up the blade to eliminate those who threaten them amidst the power struggle.

Just like that, his heart became a closely guarded vault privy to a trusted few.

Loving Ayato is likened to water, the same element he wields as weapon and shield. In calm days, he is transparent and clear to see. In chaotic nights, his own motives are harder to understand. There are times he can be as volatile as rapids, and others be as nurturing as a cool spring.

The most dangerous thing about loving Ayato is if you allow yourself to drown in him.

Alas, all of Inazuma is left dumbfounded when he abruptly announces his marriage to you.

The Yashiro Commissioner had gone missing for a week. A note with his penmanship claims he has a personal errand to run. Then, he returns to the estate—holding your hand while another clenches a scroll, sealed by the wax insignia of the Narukami Shrine and the Raiden Shogun. A glance at your respective hands reveal the glint of silver wedding bands, with camellia flower engravement filled by white jade.

Kamisato Ayato eloped with you.

“From here onwards,” Ayato declared, “[Name] shall be living in the Kamisato Estate as my wife. Please treat her with the same respect you do for me.”

The idea seems to intimidate you, a frown tugging your lips. Your husband, however, squeezed your hand in reassurance. Pacified, you end up snuggling your cheek onto his arm. The action is successful in grounding your senses, focusing on Ayato’s scent and body heat. He obliges this by gently pulling you closer, practically trapping your own arm to his side.

Ayaka hid a smile of amusement behind her fan, as her eyes softened in endearment.

“Of course, brother.” She replied.

Thoma nodded, beaming in welcome as you peeked at him and the young miss. Despite their slightest reservation upon this rushed turn of events, they trust Ayato.

Although, the Shirasagi Himegimi cannot help but feel you looked somewhat familiar.

You are a very peculiar woman, especially in a nation as conservative and traditional as Inazuma. In fact, some believe you seem more like an antithesis to your husband. Whereas he is always poised and very composed, there is always an untamed ferocity in you that refuses to comply to social norms. You can nevertheless dress as elegantly as any other noble aristocrat, speak as eloquently as any well-educated lady. If not for your infamous eccentricities, nobody would have doubted why Ayato chose you. It is quite renowned that you shamelessly stroll Inazuma’s main city in a commoner’s yukata—a messy bun for a hairstyle, and sometimes going barefoot. You despise social events and acted more elusive than your mysterious husband.

The servants were initially wary yet none of them can deny your positive influence. The household has never been so efficient and organized until you took on managing its affairs. Thoma was astonished to realize that he ended up with more free time under your authority. The meticulous way you stick to a form of schedule and your quick wit to adapt have enabled the Kamisato Estate to operate smoothly, with or without the siblings present. In fact, some unique tasks you assign to Thoma aided him into securing businesses in Ritou. As equal exchange for your patronage, you have flawlessly expanded the Shuumatsuban’s spy network.

Ayaka also found respite in her endeavors as face of the clan. She initially had a difficult time with being your mentor of sorts in the life of nobility. However, your creativity in problem solving and quick wit has been such help in balancing her own matters.

Thoma began to understand your ways when he has become in charge of all your meals. There is a set routine for every day of the week, and then a specific assortment of snacks with tea expected at certain hours. Each ingredient is meticulously picked and every dish is carefully prepared. If even one thing is out of place, you will notice with a single bite/sip and you would refuse to eat—which results to a very moody mistress for the rest of the estate.

It was only thanks to how well Ayato knew you that everyone else was able to keep up. He is aware of all factors to your behavior and how to aptly respond to them. His stern yet precise instructions left no room for mistakes if it meant taking care of you properly in his absence. It was as if he grew up with you due to the sheer amount of experience he has in how to deal with your odd patterns.

As months passed, Ayaka finally realized.

That is because her brother did grow up with you.

Ayato met you long ago when he was a mere lonely boy, burdened with the title of clan heir. He found you digging around the beach near his estate, an Electro Vision on your waist. A line of seashells were set on a flat rock beside you, all arranged by type as rows and by size as columns.

You glanced up at him. Your Vision flickers, making him tense—

—and then lightning struck the sands.

As a boy, Ayato watched in awe as the grains turned into glass. You manipulated the temperature of the element, heating the sand in quick seconds to create multiple pieces. He ended up getting closer, and it was enough to spook you. After you were finished, you hastily stood up and collected your things before sprinting away.

“Wait…!” Ayato exclaimed.

You did not listen.

The young master pouted, thinking he would never see you again. It was a shame since he found you so fascinating. He looked down and saw some strange hollow tubes in the shores, resembling coral.

That day, he went home a little despondent.

Ayato was pleasantly surprised to see you again the next day—same place, same hour. You are polishing the shells this time, and occasionally refining them to the shape you want. Small pots of paint surround you, and the Electro Vision is pulsing to be used at any given notice.

This time, you did not run when he got close.

“Fulgurite.”

He flinches as you suddenly spoke. Your eyes were focused on the glass tubes he picked up. They hung from the string of his obi now, which got odd looks from his parents a while ago.

“These…?”

You nodded, “They are fulgurites. You can use them to make jewelry. Want to see?”

That was the start of a beautiful friendship.

Ayato figures out your schedule and how you like sticking to it, so he never misses out when to visit you. It was something you never minded as long as he remained consistent. The times when he did not get the memo, you got annoyed and told him harshly to stop showing up. At first, he felt hurt since he misunderstood. Thankfully, he was mature enough to clarify it with you. Since then, he promised his arrival only on particular days wherein he can assure his free time. At his words, you acted less bothered by his presence and worked on your craft.

The two of you grew up together in those constant stolen moments. He finds out you have a younger brother, and he tells you he has a younger sister. On weekends, you are not on the beach. That is the only time your brother is able to spend time with you instead of honing his swordsmanship.

In stormy days, he had to struggle pulling you into the estate. Every time, he braced himself for your ire but patiently coaxes you over it. The most effective method is to occupy your mind with something else, and let your hands be busy crafting. Once you are fixated, Ayato can be allowed into your safe space again and he is able to take care of you. Henceforth, rainy days are spent in his estate and that became the new norm for your daily routine. Ayato adapts into creating amendments for your unhealthy habits.

You still persistently argue that storms are perfect for making petrified lightning glass.

Nevertheless, you express gratitude for his sincere care and affection. No one has ever been so doting on you aside from your brother. In turn, Ayato felt touched that you treat him as one of the only two people you explicitly trust. You even adjust yourself to be considerate of his own needs, despite the clear discomfort it sometimes caused you.

When his parents died, you were his greatest pillar of support.

Ayato has always known to never underestimate you in any way. What made you different did not make you dumb. In fact, it is revealed in that dark period that you were more brilliant than your peers. It was only thanks to your guidance that he found direction how to proceed. It was due to your judgment that he knew who to trust, which ties needed to be severed for safety. Every critical decision was consulted by you, and he was awed when the results you predict come to fruition. When his demons made him lose sleep, you provided relief by playing with his hair.

When he finally triumphed in the succession, you gave him a precious gift.

You smiled. Of utmost sincerity, you smiled ever so sweetly and so warmly.

That is the day Ayato knew you were the one.

Unfortunately, he had taken too long to confess that to you. Too many years slipped past his fingers due to his obligations.

Then, the Vision Hunt Decree happened—

—and you went missing.

A young man named Kaedehara Kazuha barged into his estate, panicked and distressed. He called for Ayato, kneeling as he pleaded for help in finding his older sister—you. The wind has gone silent regarding your whereabouts, and he feared the worst due to the recent decree.

Of course, the Yashiro Commissioner wasted no time in utilizing his power to be of aid.

It was for naught.

Soon, he could not even protect your brother when the young man was branded as a wanted criminal.

Kazuha witnessed the love Ayato holds for you—a passion he deems worthy of his kin. He knew of the bond you shared with him, which is why he came to the man for help. Meeting the man personally, the winds crooned in approval—to which the ronin only smiled, a little resigned yet mostly relieved.

Someone else can take care of you now.

“Aneue spoke of you fondly.” He said, “If anyone can find her, it’s you.”

The younger male presents him a box.

“She called it a tassel chime,” Kazuha explained, “and referred to that piece as Rainmaker.”

It contains a small windchime in the size and design of a tassel, thus the name. A single clamshell ties the knot for the top noose. Camellias on rippling waters is carved onto the blue glass, painted with glittering golden lacquer. Rather than a striker, a ball of glowing white jade is inside the spherical glass with a cowrie shell at its base. The tail is a familiar indigo satin ribbon, his gift to you on the last Irodori Festival. His name is embroidered in your favorite fulgurite threads, and yours on the other side:

Kaedehara [Name].

Ayato knew this is the equivalent of a blessing. He ties it to his sword, aware by use of elemental sight that the energy within it will prevent the glass from breaking even in a skirmish. He makes a promise to your brother that he will stop at nothing to find you, and then ask for your hand.

Eventually, he did.

You stood in an abandoned temple amidst the call of summer. The crystalflies illuminated your form, and the water shimmered like liquid diamonds. The tinkling sounds echoed in Chinju Forest, as the sails of windchimes blew with the nightly breeze.

“[Name]…”

At the call of your name, you turned to face him and Ayato embraces you immediately.

“I want to go home.” You murmur.

The broken tone of your voice devastated him, and he nods while tightening his arms. You hugged him back, hiding your face on his chest while his nuzzled your shoulder.

“Yes, let’s go home now.” He whispered.

The Yashiro Commissioner spared nothing at your expense. He used the name of Kamisato to protect you. As his wife, you are an integral part of the Tri-Commission and one with the Raiden Shogun’s faction. You cannot be touched by the decree like your brother feared. Although you desire no riches, Ayato sought to provide something that will soothe your unease at the drastic changes in your life.

Thus, in an isolated wing of the estate, there was your personal workshop.

A safe haven. All for you.

Ayato leaned back with you in his arms, cuddling by the veranda. You were sorting through your brother’s letters, worried, and missing him dearly. Looking up at your husband, he smiles and kisses you fervently.

“I’m here.” He reassures.

You wrap your arms around his neck in response, snuggling his chest to nap. He adjusts you on his lap and rewraps the blanket around you. His long fingers comb through your hair, humming contently.

Heartbound lullabies in hiraeth, ever so mellifluous—

“You are my clarity amidst sullied waters, a wish to forever keep.”

#submission #not written by me but this never fails to impress! #genshin x reader #genshin x female reader #genshin x fem!reader #ayato x reader #zhongli x reader