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chrisevansonly · 8 months

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𝐚 𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞

✯charles leclerc x latin!female reader

✯when charles wants to learn some more spanish, he knows he has the best teacher around

✯no warnings v fluffy:)

✯this was requested!! it’s a little short but i hope i did it justice! i cannot speak much spanish, i only really speak english, italian and french so this will probably mostly be written using a translator😅🫶🏻

You looked at Charles, almost wanting to giggle at how sweet he looked, mere moments before this he’d come over asking you if you’d help him with with Spanish. You’d moved to Monaco from Colombia almost 6 years ago, your father expanding his business to the rich and wealthy of Monte Carlo. Of course being a motor sports fan you attended the grand prix in the city a few times, which is where you met Charles almost 2 years ago now.

“You want me to teach you spanish mi alma?”

Charles simply nodded

“What, Carlos can’t teach you?”

“I mean he does, but I’d rather learn from you…”

You couldn’t lie hearing him admit that made your cheeks flush, after thinking about it you nodded, patting the spot on the sofa beside you

“Well you know some at this point, I’m not sure what you want me to teach you”

Charles thought about what exactly he wanted to learn before smiling

“Maybe something about racing, about the cars and you know..”

Now that made you laugh but you obliged

“okay so, el coche se sintió bien hoy, that means that the car felt good”

Charles nodded

“El coche de sintió bien hoy”

You smiled

“You can use that in an interview if you want, something else you can say is estoy orgulloso de correr para Ferrari”

“So something something Ferrari?”

Laughing you hit him gently, knowing he didn’t let you translate first

“It means I am proud to race for Ferrari”

Charles smiled before repeating that back to you once again, his eyes watching yours carefully and meticulously so he wouldn’t miss any tricky words. In reality part of the reason he asked you to help him touch up on his Spanish was because he loved listening to you in your native tongue. He found the language intoxication when you spoke, yet he still struggled if you and Carlos got into heavy conversation: conversation he wished he could be apart of.

“Te amo mi corazón” (i love you my heart)

Smiling you leaned forward to gently hold Charles’s face, pressing your lips to his

“Te amo mucho mi amor, para siempre” (i love you so much my love, forever)

Pressing a kiss to your lips again Charles couldn’t help but smile, you were truly his everything, even if he couldn’t keep up with your language all the time, he made damn sure to make the best effort and get lessons from you.

“You know I might start charging you for Spanish lessons baby…you never know”

Charles laughed, his eyes squinting like they usually did when he smiled or laughed, one of your favourite things about him.

“What my love for you is not payment enough?”

You paused pretending to think about it as Charles placed a hand on his heart

“Chérie tu ma blessé!” (darling, you hurt me) F

If there was one thing you loved about Char it was how dramatic that boy could be, but it didn’t stop you from placing kisses across his face, getting him to smile once again, even if it was his plan all along

“Oh my poor Charlie, how will you ever survive”

“Un beso per favor…?” (a kiss please?)

Smiling you cupped his cheek gently, his eyes watching you intently

“Cómo podría decirte que no.” (how could i ever say no to you)

Happy when your lips met his, Charles knew right then and there you’d be the only person to ever teach him Spanish again.

Especially if he got to request a little extra loving from his favourite girl in the world.

#rueswrites #ruesanswers #ruesanons<3 #ruesasks #charles leclerc x you #charles leclerc x female reader #charles leclerc #charles leclerc x girlfriend reader #charles leclerc x wife reader #charles leclerc x y/n #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc fanfic #charles leclerc x latin!reader #formula 1 masterlist #formula 1 #formula 1 fanfic #charles leclerc fluff #charles leclerc f1

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a-d-nox · 2 months

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pac/pap: how to promote self-love going forward

take what resonates leave what doesn't - nothing is 100% for you because these aren't personalized so please no angry comments or dms about what i am saying not being a good fit for you or that you "don't claim" just keep scrolling if that is the case. be kind, self reflect, and have fun.

last pac/pap: message from your secret admirer

want a personal reading? click here to check out my reading options and prices!

pile one

you might settle for less because you likely get caught up in the drama and find it fun/addicting in the moment. you pursue goals/ideas with focus, but often lack the confidence to back it up. or you wait too long for others before moving on.

i believe love has taught you that you should never settle too quickly. it is best to date multiple people before starting an exclusive relationship. don't get overwhelmed by relationship drama because it will consume you and ruin your day (but only temporarily because nothing is forever - so why stress?). you know now not to let others stick their nose in your relationships - too many opinions will taint your feelings. the biggest lesson is that you learned to cut off anything that interferes with your desires.

i feel like you are jealous maybe a lot of people around you are coupled and you are alone. be cautious because you don't know when you might ruin your relationships with others just because you feel unhappy with your situation. stop worrying about being judged or how often you are rejected - it doesn't matter you are going to find someone in due time (you are worthy). you are loving, nurturing, and protective.

you can nurture yourself by getting out there. you have been alone and isolated for too long - so get out there. stop refusing to look within for what you truly want. ask for support to get what your truly desire, especially in the social sense.

what i feel you need to hear is that you have a strong energy - you are gifted with the ability to receive what you need most from the universe. don't rush or force things - what is meant for you, will find you. you are passionate, creative, magnetic, and attractive. you are also nurturing and dependable. you are one of the most supportive person in most people's life. you have many things - you attract the world and its gifts to you. you don't settle for less - when something is missing you go looking for it. you follow your heart and instincts; you make room for new things to bring joy/happiness.

pile two

i feel like you struggle with maintaining balance in a connection and that might just be the source of why you settle for less. you get too invested in a connection and then you loose track of who are and what you want and need most in a connection. you often find yourself prioritizing the other person over yourself.

love has taught you that things can change very radically/unexpectedly and cause you to question everything. you have learned that you have to let go of certain aspects in your love life, so that you can make space for new things and even new people can better help you grow and thrive.

i feel like you are sad presently or are in the process of recovering from some sort of emotional pain/disappointment. sorrow doesn't last forever. you are very capable of healing - new experiences await you. not all new experiences are destined for heartbreak - have faith.

you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself to succeed in love and be the perfect partner/person. perfect is impossible - so be generous with yourself because right now you are only burning yourself out. to nurture your wellbeing, you should stop judging your productiveness and stop comparing yourself to others - delete social media and take sometime off where you don't have to do anything at all (no doctor's appointments, grocery shopping, etc.). do what brings you joy and say "no" to everything else.

i feel like you need to hear that you are a patient person who realizes that change doesn't happen overnight. you celebrate the small wins with small cute things (for example, maybe you survived a hard week and you get yourself a cupcake). things are getting better so just acknowledge that they are. you can recognize when things have been blown out of proportion or things are being exaggerate for dramatic effect - you are human bullshit detector which is a rare find. even rarer still you have the ability to find a resolution to any argument. you are presently working on not letting other people's expectations of you throw you off of your path. you can make your own path and you know it. you trust that you are capable of standing independently of others, and you are capable of anything.

pile three

i don't feel like you are the type to settle for less than you are worth - i get the feeling that you are slightly cocky about your situation. you might need to practice being humble in a connection because you can come off as judgy or as though you have a superior attitude. alternatively, you might find yourself in connections with people who are very controlling and you might not recognize that you are in that type of connection until it is too late. it is not your fault that you might have settled for less than your worth in the past - you just found yourself in the wrong place and the wrong time and experienced a toxic relationship.

i feel as though you learned that a partner doesn't need to be flashing or exciting instead they need to be stable, grounded, and trustworthy. you have had the flashy connections in the past and it was not the best. you need something more sensual than passionate. something that grows slowly over time so that it lasts.

your intuition is never wrong about the people with interest in you, so learn to trust yourself. you are very emotionally intelligent, so trust that you have the answers you seek about any connection. trust your gut instead of overthinking and overanalyzing.

cultivate your intuitive powers, so you can manifest your dreams into reality. to nurture yourself i sense that you should reconnect with nature and recharge with the the power of the sun. you should also focus on healing any and all blockages that concern your self-esteem/self-worth.

you might need to hear that you are nurturing and dependable. you are one of the most supportive person other's life. you have many things - you attract the world and it's gifts to you. you realize that things can change very radically/unexpectedly and cause you to question everything. you have learned that you have to let go of certain aspects in your love life so that you can make space for new things and even new people who can help you grow and thrive. you know that heartbreak is temporary and that time heals all wounds. you can heal and grow as soon as you believe that you are worthy and that no one wishes to hurt you or your heart. it's okay to be hurt but you have to release that pain instead of bottling it up so you can recover.

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tarotwithavi · 10 months

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Blessings coming to you in the next 30 days

1. 2.

3. 4.

HOW TO CHOOSE A PILE?

Take a deep breath and close your eyes. Kindly ask your spirit guides to show you the right pile for yourself and then open your eyes. Whichever pile catches your attention is the right pile for you.

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Pile 1

I feel like most of you guys like to stay at home rather than going out and the blessing coming for you in the next 30 months is that you are going to step out of your comfort zone of your home and have a really exciting time with your friends. You guys will create a lot of memories together in the next 30 days, these are lifelong memories. I am also getting that you might be thinking of starting a new project or a business with your friends or you might be thinking of starting a business by yourself and I see that in the next 30 days this wish of yours is going to come true I see your business idea coming to life. Another blessing I am seeing for you is that you are going to get a proposal for someone and this proposal is going to be really important for you in the future. I also see that this person could be the one who could help you in expanding your business or extending your knowledge about business. I also see that you might be avoiding someone or you might notice that someone is looking at you from afar. This could be a secret admirer and I see that this person is a fire sign. You guys can meet at a place or you guys mostly meet at a place where you sit for most of the time for example school or work or even Church. For those who are students,I see that you are going to get recognition from your teachers and also your classmates. I see that your teacher and your classmates are going to recognise you for your knowledge. If you are learning a new language right now I see that someone whose native language is the language you are learning could compliment you. I also see you topping all of your tests.

Pile 2

Alright so I see that some of you are trying to manifest a peaceful time by yourself, you might live in a very busy City or maybe it's because you need some peaceful time away from all those people because I see that you are really hurt. so I see you are going to have a really peaceful time by yourself. I am also getting that if you have been struggling financially over the past few months I see that a new opportunity regarding finances is going to come to you. If you feel like you have been left alone in the cold by the people you loved the most then this is also a blessing in disguise for you because I see that you will learn a lot from this lesson and this lesson is really going to help you in the future where you will encounter a lot of selfish and narcissist people. I also see a new opportunity in love. This could also mean that you are falling in love with yourself or you're starting to romanticize your life as you should and this could invoke passion within you to try new things. I also see you learning a new skill that will help you financially or that will give you a passive income. I also see that your intuition and psychic abilities are going to be at blast for the next 30 days and you might get visions of your future. So this is also a blessing for you. I see you being more accepting and loving of yourself. I see you taking good care of yourself and all the self love and self care will give you the huge glow up of your life and I am also getting that some of you might be watching thewizardliz. So a lot of blessings for you. I see you having a queen/king mentality like you are not letting other people walk over here in fact you are not even letting them in your circle like not even the radius of a meter.

Pile 3

Alright Pile 3 I am getting that you guys have been doing serious shadow work and I see all of your hard work paying off because all the things you wanted to manifest are going to come to you at the speed of light. Another message I am picking up on is that all your manifestations are going to come so fast and so suddenly that it might shock you for a moment. If you were seeking monetary help from someone and that person didn't help you then it's great for you because I see another person helping you and this person is a lot better than the previous one. Also I see that your family is going to be really happy for something. I see that someone from your family is going to have a promotion or some really good news regarding finances and property. If your family was fighting against someone then the results are going to be in your favor. I see your family winning. You and your family could even travel somewhere or could plan a short trip that will heal most of your family members. I see that this is going to be a huge trip like all of your relatives going to get together at one place and all are going to heal together. Also I see that you are going to know your family Heritage better if you have lived away from your hometown most of your life then you could travel there to know more about your culture in the next 30 days and this is going to be a blessing for you because if you know where you belong to you star to understand yourself better.

Pile 4

So I see that some of you have been manifesting a rich boyfriend and congrats to you because your wish or your manifestation is going to come true however you will need to make a choice at that moment and the choice was determine your future for example tho you want to manifest a romantic relationship you also wanted to manifest a nice paying job and both of your manifestations are going to come at the same time and you will have to choose one of them for some reason and this is how your choice was determine your future. I also see that some of you may encounter very manipulative people in your life and I see that you have been looking up at psychology facts so you will know that this person is trying to manipulate you so all the time spent watching those psychology facts will pay off. Another message I am picking up on is that if your parents never allowed you to have piercings or certain piercings then they could allow you to get those piercings or you would get them anyways and honestly I am getting that those piercings will look fabulous on you. Some of you may even adopt a new pet or you feel like this pet was meant for you because of the circumstances. This pet is going to be a huge blessing for you. If you practice witchcraft or if you have done a spell then look forward to good news because your spell is working.

Birthday sale

Pardon me if you see any typos. I have rechecked it but if you see that one typo my eyes failed to catch then kindly inform me. Thank you very much.

#tarot cards #tarot reading #pick a card #tarot #pick a pile #tarotblr #pick a picture #free tarot #pick a photo #free readings #pick a crystal #tarotwithavi #tarot witch #tarot wisdom #tarot divination #tarot readings #psychic readings #oracle reading

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astroariska · 6 months

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"I DON'T UNDERSTAND ABOUT 8TH HOUSE" DICTIONARY THREAD

Astrology threads sometimes way too confusing. There are so many words that just come out there and make us wonder what we supposed to do then??? It made people think impractical to make astrology into your daily lifes because it's hard to be understood.

Have no fear. I am here to give you a mini thread about the 8th house.

Transformation : What the hell is this word? We never really use this world in our daily lives, isn't it? But really. Transformation is about realizing you need to ELIMINATE that shitty behaviour you didn't want to tell everybody that it's a part of you annd the reason why there is some drama in your life and REPLACE it with a better attitude.

Intimacy. It's not about getting that bombastic sex with your partner. It's about you realizing ... After all the shit and the shot you've been through ... All you need is that person and all you wish is that person to stay with you through thin and thick while wishing life could be better for you.

Power struggle : Simply the imbalance of the relationship that makes you feel you less than equal. Either it makes you feel you work it all or makes you feel you are so fucking useless. This imbalance, let your heart have the urge to solve it out while your heart cannot even simplify the problem within you two.

Inheritances : Doesn't always about money. Sometimes it's about debt. Sometimes it's about what the good, the bad and the ugly shit you share with your parental figure, caretaker or even another family member.

Rebirth : When you are realizing you are not the same anymore after shit happens. When you are realizing the current version of you is really way too different than the old version of you.

Power : Influence over someone, something or a cause that makes a really noticeable change in physical, material, phsycological, spiritual and mental of other people.

Bonus a mini thread about zodiac in 8th house.

Aries 8th house : You hate to acknowledge you are too offensive. But you do have a reason. Acknowledge it now and change the offensive feeling into more passionate attitude as a sign of leadership. Know the differences when you try to give support or just hate to see other being a competitor.

Taurus 8th house : You are way too rigid, slow, stubborn and sometimes ... a boring basic bitch that keeps repeating the same pattern in order to keep you same. It's okay. You've been through a lot. But maybe, you need to change the value that you hold because changing yourself is actually way easier than changing the world?

Gemini 8th house : The best advice to this placement is ... okay, sometimes it feels so good to process everything with your own logic. Math is mathing but you'll end up more anxiouse and less consistence than ever. Maybe it's because you're hard to gain focus but it's a signal you need more dynamic approach so your emotional life could be more interesting than just a typical sadness.

Cancer 8th house : Oh, do you hate feeling vulnerable? Do you think you're weak? What about realizing that your care and your need for nurture is the sign of you being a human being instead of feeling insecure about feel something inside you? Your feeling shows you that you are alive. OWN IT AS YOUR POWER and NOT YOUR FLAW.

Leo 8th house : You're tired of being strong and lead all the time, don't you? But please, just because you're trying to be strong for a long time then you justify all the drama you've punch in people's face. You just need to realizing that sometimes ... The rage is coming from your wounded little child in you that unhappy for the longest time. Remember that when you happy, you gain power.

Virgo 8th house : Oh, snap! You MADE A MISTAKE! Is it small? Is it big? You analyze it until you paralyzed yourself. But honey, mistake were made for you to learn by doing. Instead of punching yourself and hyper-analyze it inside your head, use your mistake to serve those who you love as a lesson that you need to share.

Libra 8th house : Sometimes, it's scary to be lonely but it's more haunting to be with the wrong people and trapped forever with them. But whatever the reason, don't you ever think that you have no right to get the partnership you really wish. You just need to understand that you don't need to please anybody to make them stay. Cheaters always cheat. Haters gonna hate.

Scorpio 8th house : You want to end this life because you feel you can't handle it anymore? But you didn't want everybody know that you're dying inside ... While you actually understand that the key of your life is to breath out your fear and insecurity.

Sagittarius 8th house : It's easier to run away, pack your bag, ghost everybody then pretends like you are the chillest person in the room instead to face how big the mess you need to tidy up. Sometimes is easier to tell people what to do rather to tell yourself what you need to do. When shit comes down, come into your higher self and find the meaning of it. Everything happen for a reason. It's happening not to you, but for you.

Capricorn 8th house : Numbing feeling and hardship makes you out of a breath. I swear, you need a mentor and become more diciplined in your way through because that's the only thing you could do to master this life. Every pain worth the gain.

Aquarius 8th house : If you're feeling like you're out of place, had nobody to stand with you or feeling alienated ... Maybe it's not because people suck. Maybe because your decision was made based how you quickly disengage and diconnected from people you love as you had 0 trust in them. Instead of feeling like you're the black sheep. Channel your brain competency into finding the right purpose, dream and community you're aspire to.

Pisces 8th house : Just because something ends, doesn't mean your life end. Remember. You're not rejected. You're redirected. You're in pain because life will challanges you to take a new path and plant new seed because it's a sign of a fresh start and brand new day. Put your rose colored glass now, it might over but it's doesn't end something. Connect to yourself. You'll found out soon.

#astro notes #astrology #astro note #astrology observations #astro observations #aries 8th house #taurus 8th house #gemini 8th house #cancer 8th house #leo 8th house #virgo 8th house #libra 8th house #scorpio 8th house #sagittarius 8th house #capricorn 8th house #aquarius 8th house #pisces 8th house #8th house

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 1 month

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AITA for “forcing” my mother to do my homework?

I (15F) have always struggled in school, the most in math. The last few years of middle school were very dark times for me mental-health wise because of this. For high school, I decided to do online school, hoping it would help. I am less stressed than I was in middle school, and better decent grades in all my classes. However, there is a problem. I can not keep up with the math. It takes too long for me to get it, and crying is practically guaranteed. I can not keep up with my lessons. My mother tried to help me, but eventually it ended up with her basically cheating me through that class and doing everything for me. I never asked her to do the work for me, but I was falling so behind that her helping me on a quiz turned into her just doing it while I watched completely not understand, to her just doing them herself.

She is starting to take problem with doing the work, often yelling at me that I want her to be like my “slave” and that I just need to do it myself. This has been getting worse recently as I still behind in my other classes due to a lack of electricity weeks ahead. She also knows some of what math can do to my mental health. Which, I’m not going to go into details, but it’s pretty bad. I can get very depressed. Now she has been doing so much of the work that my knowledge is very, very far behind. It’s even harder for me to learn it now because I have so many more things to learn before I can even get to what the quizzes are on right now.

I am not diagnosed with anything, but I am starting to suspect I may have dyscalculia. Maybe even autism. My mother strongly disagrees with the dyscalculia, and although I haven’t told her yet, would most likely disagree that I have autism. Even if she did agree with me, I know she wouldn’t want me to get diagnosed. When I brought up possibly having ADHD to her she said that even if I did, it would look bad for my future if I was diagnosed. I also am required to take an in-person math test at the end of the year, which makes me very anxious for obvious reasons. I don’t know what to do. I am really in the wrong here, forcing her to take on my work?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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luciddownloading · 7 months

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Tarot Reading: What Are Their Current Feelings For You?

What is your person currently feeling for you? Choose the image below that you feel most drawn to and then scroll to your respective pile. It is fine to choose more than one pile. You're amazing and attractive. So, it wouldn't be a shock if more than one person comes through :)

My advice for these readings: Don't stress, don't obsess. The person who is meant for you will come your way and anyone else can be viewed as a valuable lesson. Also, please use/trust your intuition/inner judgment. Take what resonates!

PILE 1

PILE 2

PILE 3

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(Clarifying cards in parentheses)

PILE 1

Six of Swords - reversed

(Four of Pentacles)

Ten of Pentacles

(Ace of Wands - reversed)

Three of Swords

(Nine of Wands - reversed)

Five of Swords - reversed

(Three of Wands)

Eight of Wands - reversed

Okay, Pile 1, your person is quite all over the place. I am immediately getting Gemini vibes from this pile as well as Virgo. Not even because of any cards that came out. Just the energy I am picking up. So either of those signs could be their Sun, Moon, Rising, if that's confirmation. I say that because their mental energy is incredibly overactive. A smart cookie but the cookie is crumbling! They like to see themselves as tough cookies, too. (Sorry if this is making you hungry lol. Not the intention) They don't like that they are suffering in the way they are but they're also struggling to overcome it.

Basically, they are overthinking the hell out of this situation because they want to get it right. They don't want to "mess it up". Yes, major perfectionist streak. It's hard for them to realize that they are imperfectly perfect just as they are and don't need to try so hard to win your heart. I don't think this is someone who you're actually with. Most of you, anyway. If this is your partner, they've been in the doghouse for a minute. Regardless of the relationship status, you two have had some real ups and downs. Your person is still having an extremely hard time accepting their past mistakes here. Not in the sense of not taking accountability or anything. No, the total opposite. They are taking WAY too much accountability. It's hard for them to recognize that they don't have to crucify themselves for their flaws. Instead of using mistakes as opportunities for learning, they usually see them as reasons to beat themselves up.

The thing is that they're not telling you any of this. That's why I feel like this isn't a committed relationship, for most of you. If it is, they are being very distant and withdrawn because they're feeling too vulnerable. If it isn't, they are being very distant and withdrawn because they're feeling too vulnerable. Lol but in this case, they can actually disappear from your radar. You two probably aren't talking much. When you do, it's likely very dry or kind of awkward on their end. They actually imagine themselves having the nerve to finally tell you how they feel about you (because I don't think they have yet), what they've been going through, how much they want to learn and grow and be better. All of it. They visualize making some grand confession of love and commitment but when they actually text you or reach out, all they can say is "Hey, what's up?"

I get the sense that you also know what's going on but also know there's not much else you can do. The ball is in their court! Essentially, they are very torn between this intense desire to be with you and build a happy life with you and an equally intense desire to hide in their little hole and be tormented by their fears and insecurities and negative thoughts. For some of you, this person may be a writer. Maybe they are making some heavy journal entries or channeling their feelings into creative writing. Not that you'd actually get to read it though (at least not now). On your end, you are left with a choice. You may want to wait on this person to come forward, especially if you feel a strong spiritual tie to them, or you may be exploring other options. Either way, I would advise you to detach from expectations of when this person will open up. The truth is they're still not ready to and need to improve their mental health. That doesn't negate their feelings for you, which are very genuine and strong. But it does mean that you can't exactly expect this all to turn around overnight.

I keep hearing Numb by Linkin Park. There may be messages in that song pertaining to your person. I do think they probably come from a very toxic background and that song symbolizes how they are working out the connection between their mean inner voice and any abuse/mistreatment they suffered at the hands of others. Also, 21 Guns by Green Day. So, fittingly, some very emo songs for this person.

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PILE 2

Death

(The Moon - reversed)

The High Priestess

(The Hermit - reversed)

Queen of Swords - reversed

(The Lovers)

Page of Wands - reversed

(Page of Cups)

The Hierophant

Wow, Pile 2. Okay, I have to laugh but it's not at your expense. The energy here is just kind of wild. This isn't necessarily just one person. It could be but it's very possible that it's more than one person. For many of you, this is symbolizing a running theme in your life. And the message is quite specific. You are a baddie, first of all. Regardless of your gender! Most of you, I feel, are more on the feminine side. But, you are all very desirable and alluring (yes, you are, take the damn compliment lol). You might have Scorpio as one of your personal placements. And you've got at least one person, if not more, wanting you really badly even though they think they shouldn't.

It's possible you are involved in a love triangle of sorts with someone taken. If so, this is a no judgment zone! But, I get the feeling that a lot of you are just minding your own business and being desired and pursued by these people anyway. It might be shocking to you or a little horrifying, something you don't really want. The person(s) in question could be just a friend or someone who you are not looking or expecting to get involved with. Meanwhile, they're kind of going crazy over you. Well, not kind of. Very.

The signs I am picking up are Aquarius and Cancer (again, they just popped in my head, not based on the cards here, which is funny because I don't usually do it that way). So, the person could have their Sun, Moon, Rising in either of those signs. Also, Virgo energy. So, again, a Virgo Sun, Moon or Rising. This person definitely could be married or in a serious commitment. The thing is that, even though they really want you, they also feel that it's wrong. They are enduring a real moral battle and dilemma here. "Battle of the flesh" is what just came to mind lol. So, this could be someone who's Christian or very religious. Maybe you go to the same church? That might be a little awkward. Or maybe it's just their religious path that makes this so difficult (though I must say that non-religious people also believe infidelity or cheating is wrong).

This person - I hesitate to say "your person" because it feels a bit one-sided for many of you - has really really been dwelling on this. I think they get very afraid of what people may think if they were to be "exposed". There might be a very opinionated mother figure, in particular, whose potential disapproval they really fear. The image I'm getting is very specific. Almost like they imagine themselves being with you physically and then they think of Mommy judging them and it kills the mood. It's giving Norman Bates a bit. Not that your person's a psycho but that their mother figure is very dominant and sometimes harsh in ways that may inhibit them or frustrate them. I just visualized that exact scene from Bates Motel, a masterpiece of a series that you should check out, btw (if you can handle darker themes).

But, Mommy issues aside, they are VERY sexually attracted to you. Part of the reason why is that the bedroom at home may be very dry. If this person is with someone else, the spark may be long gone. The sex non-existent. But, instead of seeing that as a reason for counseling or, you know, a separation or something, they are using their passion for you as an escape from this dissatisfaction. This may be TMI to you but they masturbate to you a lot. Like, all the time. It's like their sexual desire for you keeps them going. But, to be honest, I'm not getting the sense that this runs that deeply. It could, for some of you. The dominant impression I am getting, though, is someone who probably cares about you a lot in another sense - as a friend or something - but who also can't help but notice how hot you are. Their sexual draw to you, though, is motivated by other feelings that I think have very little to do with you.

That's a bit of a warning from Spirit, actually, if you are pinning any romantic hopes on this person. This could be a case of wild passion over deeper feeling. And I think even they realize that. They often berate themselves for these "sinful" thoughts (their word, not mine) but also can't help it. Ultimately, this is leading to a huge transformation within them, though. They are finally recognizing how dissatisfied they have been in their lives, in their relationship, if that resonates. It's like they can't fool themselves anymore and pretend like everything is peachy keen. But, this kind of introspection can be a very long and painful process. They may very well end up getting a divorce or making some big change in their life. My advice? If you are waiting for them to do that, don't. This honestly feels like a very messy situation and I feel called to tell you to have sensible expectations. Their feelings for you could do a 180 if and when they have you and you stop being "forbidden fruit". You may also be mirroring this feeling of wanting them but believing it's wrong. Ultimately, only you can make your life choices. Just know that if something truly doesn't feel right in your heart, it's because it's not. But, if you have no plans on entertaining this, just keep doing you, king or queen.

The songs I am channeling for this pile have been raunchy rap songs. Lol very fitting. Play by David Banner. (If you play the uncut version, you might want to use headphones!) Back That Ass Up by Juvenile. This person needs to behave lmao. And that's what I mean when I warn you that they may just want to hit it but are confusing that with love. Also, You Make Me Wanna by Usher came through. Very on-the-nose, Spirit. Just remember that life is not an Usher song and in those kinds of situations, someone's bound to get hurt.

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PILE 3

Three of Cups - reversed

(Eight of Cups - reversed)

The Star

(Six of Cups)

Five of Swords

(The Moon - reversed)

Three of Wands

(The Tower)

Ace of Swords

Pile 3, I definitely get the feeling that this is a separation of some sorts. If you are already happily with this person, this isn't for you. I think you haven't talked to this person in a while. They are most definitely someone you have history with, too. And I am getting a sense of many, many years of history with them, possibly going back to college or even high school (which could be any length of time, depending on your age). Whatever the case, y'all go way back. But, because of what happened here, this individual is kind of just left with their memories of you at the moment.

It's a really bittersweet feeling. I think they get sad when they think about you, at times, because they really miss you. So, they make up for that by getting lost in all this nostalgia. They may look at really old pictures or videos of you two on their social media a lot. Or they may just sit back and reminisce. You were a major person in their life and their existence with you was vivid enough to where they can easily transport themselves back to those days mentally. Lots of good times and laughter together. Many memories of partying or fun socializing in your younger days. I get the feeling that this person can almost get addicted to this nostalgia but it's also keeping them hopeful right now.

They are NOT letting you go. They don't believe it's over and it may not be (That is up to you, though) I feel you two grew apart but that there was also some sort of conflict here. For a lot of you, I feel like this was either an old friend who rejected you romantically and acted like they didn't have feelings for you (which was false) or a friend with benefits who wanted to stay casual and refused to commit and maybe picked other people over you. I don't think this was an official ex. Just a frustrating situation that caused you a fuck load of confusion and heartache. Are they into me? Are they not? Why they act like this then? Am I crazy??? The only way, after a long period of time, you could gain peace was by walking away. It's also likely that you've moved far away from them. In many ways, this situation has been in your rear view for a while. What other choice did you have but to move forward? But, by doing so, you inevitably left them devastated. Just the fact that they can't see you in person anymore is brutal.

They're now stuck on you but significantly after the fact. What I am sensing is that this person has "delayed emotions". They can take 2 to 3 business days to respond to even simple matters lol. So, something as complex as this took them a long time to fully process. And the more time went on, the more horrified and hurt they became at the fact that they let you go. For some reason, I am getting a specific message that they are heavy in Fire (Aries, Leo, Sagittarius) and Earth (Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn). Maybe those are the dominant Elements in their chart. They have the fierce, fun nature of Fire and the practicality and groundedness of Earth but they are very out of tune with their true feelings, which made it easy for them to reject you or pretend they didn't feel the connection too.

But they are getting better! They are seeing things in a MUCH different light than they did before. I am getting a specific message about you sharing some sort of spiritual insight or download with them. You might have talked to them about synchronicities around this connection or anything else metaphysical they needed to hear. Since that has not historically been their thing, you may have risked looking crazy or weird to them and maybe they kind of treated you like you were. But, they now see that you were right and are pretty much eating their words. I am definitely getting Aquarius vibes from this pile. That sign could be your Sun, Moon or Rising. That's an Aquarian dilemma (that I relate to very much as an Aquarius Rising myself). Being totally right and insightful but being treated like you're nuts or causing a problem by others until much later, when they realize you were spot on all along. It's alright. It's not easy being "ahead of time". But you're always vindicated!

Like now. I think this person really wants to make it up to you. They also see you very highly. They realize how happy you make them and how truly special you've always been to them; a major Light in their life. Of course, they could've realized this much sooner. But, love does not unfold in a linear way. It's your choice as far as what to do about this. I do feel called to say to not be close-minded about this situation. Maybe a part of you wants this person back too and wants to give it a try romantically. I think you're being advised to not cut them off entirely because of a preconceived notion of how you should respond to them. It may pay off to be open to the possibilities here, instead of staying stuck on their past behavior. People can surprise you!

I think they are feeling called toward becoming spiritual, too, because of the knowledge or insights you may have shared. They see you as a guiding light and you've made such a huge impact on them! One thing I have to mention is that there may be some tension between them and other people in your old friend group. Maybe a mutual friend or two doesn't like how they've treated you? I do think they haven't opened up to many people you both know about this situation. Maybe just a couple of people who are more so their friends because they may be too embarrassed otherwise. I also think if an old friend of yours got married recently or if there was some big social event with the old gang and you weren't there, it was super-hard for them. They were probably thinking of you the whole time and kept imagining you being there. That's a very particular message but take it if it resonates.

Ultimately, they are planning to get back in communication with you. They may have to get creative because maybe they don't have your number anymore or you blocked them or something. But, they are building themselves up to talk to you again. A little overthinking here but it doesn't feel torturous like Pile 1 (there may be messages for you in that pile if you felt called to it). Sometimes, they just sit and practice what they would say. They are kind of nervous and while they may be communicative, they also aren't the most verbal or expressive when it comes to serious situations like this. So temper your expectations, if you're open to them coming forward. Don't think they're going to write you a sonnet or something lol. But, they are trying and they want to take action. I am struck by the lack of Pentacles here, which usually suggests a lack of effort. But I don't see that in a bad way here. I think they're realizing that this situation could be much easier than they have made it out to be and they don't have to hold themselves back anymore. But, don't fixate on when they will come in. Just let go and allow what's meant to happen to happen.

I also want to say that if you want to reach out first, you're getting a green light from Spirit to do so. Maybe you kind of have to because they wouldn't have your contact info otherwise. But, if you do, this could be the encouragement or the sign they'd need to work on reconnecting with you.

As far as songs, I am getting Memories by David Guetta featuring Kid Cudi. So, yes, confirming what I've said before, including that you two probably have some wild, hilarious stories from the old days. I also think this person may not be having as much fun because they're too busy "adulting" and "grinding". So, thoughts of those carefree, crazy times with you are making them extra nostalgic. Also, New Person Same Old Mistakes by Tame Impala (though I have to shout out the cover version Same Ol Mistakes by the legend-the icon-the moment Rihanna). I DO think this person either has significantly changed or will by the time they come back in. I can feel you scoffing a bit in disbelief as they were so stuck in their ways for so long. But, again, leave room for them to surprise you. At the same time, use your own discernment. I just think they are having to face a lot of things about themselves and this situation has been the catalyst for that.

#tarot #tarot reading #pick a card #pick a pile #pick an image #pick a pile reading #love reading #channeled reading #channeled message #channeled song

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teejaystumbles · 1 month

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Against all odds (Part 5)

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4

(this continues directly after Part 4, Hob reads the rest of Dream's entry)

Negligence and luck were my saviours in the end. I managed to escape and take my revenge. I have recovered my tools of office and my power. I am free. And yet I feel like part of me is still trapped inside that basement, as unconnected to the world around me as I was before, but in a different way. Before I was captured I felt, if not above then distinctly separate from humanity; I resented that my existence depends on them, on you. I felt detached, outside of what should be intimately familiar to me. Now I am able to recognise that, but to overcome my reluctance to embrace humanity more is still a struggle. I know that not all of you are like Roderick Burgess but the fear lingers, despite logic telling me there is nothing to fear. I know my function is to serve them and my imprisonment caused great harm to many. I see now why I cannot go on like I used to. I hope that you might help me with getting to know humanity again, as you have so many times before. I confess that in my mind you had stopped being simply a human and therefore outside of how I judged humanity. You might have worried I might look down on you, but in fact I have long since seen you as someone apart from the humans I tend to. For that I am sorry, because you are just as deserving and in need of my attention as everyone else. Your perspective was supposed to help me understand humanity better, to grow closer to humans and I failed to learn my lesson. I only grew closer to you, while completely ignoring that you are human and failing to extend my feelings for you onto the rest of humanity. I was supposed to listen to you and learn what it is like to live a human life, but I did not internalise the lesson. I hope that with time I will become able to value human lives in their entirety and show others more respect and compassion. This will not come easy to me after nearly a century spent in a cage at the hand of a human, but I will try.

I apologise, Hob. All this will not make much sense to you because I have still not told you who I am, and I still wish to do so in person. Suffice it to say that you have already glimpsed the truth and noticed changes that are related to my person and what happened to me. Feel free to guess, my friend, but be assured that I will give you my name soon. Maybe then you will understand the scope of all I’ve relayed to you.

I have laid myself bare for you, my friend. I do not think I could have articulated half of this had we talked face to face. Admitting to my faults and insecurities does not come easy to me. My ordeal has left me with some conditions that I did not know I was capable of suffering. As you already know I am struggling with being in enclosed spaces, and I feel especially reluctant if there is a lot of glass. I also do not enjoy being close to humans I do not know, although, as you well know, I know everyone. This is limited to certain aspects of their person, though, and does not include mind reading. Therefore I find myself apprehensive of their goals and possible actions, which is why I prefer to keep my distance. I know that these fears are not logical and that I should be able to “shake them off” - yet I cannot, and I do not know for how long they will impede me. My greatest fear I have so far not articulated, though. If I tell you my name, will you still look at me the same way?

The words stop without a farewell and Hob drops the journal with a choked sob, his eyes wide and watering. He wants to howl. He refrains for the sake of his neighbours and simply slumps to the floor beside the fallen book. It’s still open and Hob rereads the last line through more and more tears welling up. He makes a sound like a wounded animal and gets back up on his knees, searches for a pen on top of the desk and then immediately launches into writing a reply right there on the floor.

My friend, my dearest friend!

Why would you think that I would ever look at you differently? You are more dear to me than anyone else and knowing your name and who or what you truly are will not change that! I believe I have been privileged to get to know you over the few times we met, and even more through these letters we have been writing. Even if your name was Oberon, or Hades, or hell, even Lucifer! I would not look at you differently, except to ask you why you lied when I first guessed that you might be a demon. I don’t think you would ever lie to me, though. Whatever you are, I have thought about it and puzzled over it since I first met you, so you know that the only way I would look at you if I finally got to know your name would be with awe and curiosity - the same way I have always looked at you. You are endlessly fascinating to me and I cannot believe you would think that I might change my opinion on you because of something as unimportant as a name. I already know you, dear stranger, with or without it. So I say, don’t tell me unless you truly want to. Don’t think you owe me a name or explanation. I do not need it. All I need is you, and our conversations.

Hob pauses his writing and lets the pen drop from his fingers, drawing a shaky breath and rubbing his eyes. He wishes he had planned this better, thought about what he would write before starting, but in the end it’s maybe best to give his stranger this excessive honesty. Hob has a bad feeling about his friend’s entry simply stopping and what he probably needs is immediate assurance. So this is what Hob will lead with, and address the other issues afterwards. He means it, too. He doesn’t care who or what his friend truly is. He’s Hob’s friend, the oldest and best he’s got, and he’s determined to keep him, no matter what kind of being he turns out to be. “My sister, Death.” That's what his stranger wrote, Hob remembers and flips the pages of the journal back, rereading the first part of his friend’s entry. Roderick Burgess tried to summon Death, and got her brother instead. Death’s brother. His friend is Death's brother. What could that possibly make him? One of the four horsemen? Pestilence, or Famine? War seems unlikely, somehow. Actually none of these fit his stranger, Hob thinks and shakes his head slightly. He gets up and sits at the desk, the journal open in front of him. He doesn’t quite know what to write next and so he drops the pen and goes to wash his face and make himself tea, trying to collect his thoughts in the meantime.

When he returns to the bedroom he finds he cannot write more without mulling it all over first. He feels empty, the horror of his friend’s ordeal growing more and more clearer in his mind. He doesn’t know what to write besides “Please let me hold you. Please let me make you smile. Please let me love you.” None of that seems even nearly appropriate to tell to a traumatised person that is probably not even remotely attracted to him. What his stranger needs now is a friend (well, actually a therapist, but Hob will do his best), not a clingy lover like Hob.

He goes to bed and leaves the journal open on the desk. Maybe when he wakes up he’ll be able to find the right words. He falls asleep to thoughts of prisons made of glass, his friend stuck inside, looking mournfully at him.

Hob dreams of the White Horse. He wears his modern clothes but the Inn looks like it did in 1589 and with a smile he sits down at the lavishly decorated table, ready to host his friend. When Hob looks up his stranger is standing a few feet away on the other side of the table. He looks like Hob saw him in his bedroom, although his hair is a bit wilder and his black coat looks longer and is speckled with stars. Hob smiles at him and gestures at the spread.

“My friend! Sit, eat! You must be awfully hungry!”

His stranger frowns and takes a cautious step closer, looking at the table laden with food, then back at Hob.

“You offer me sustenance, my friend?”

I offer you everything.

“Of course,” Hob exclaims, “this, and more! If there is anything I can give you, I will! Please, only ask and I will try and find a way to get it for you.”

Hob wants to stop talking but he can’t seem to stop the words. “Be it food or drink, or hugs, or kisses - everything I have, my heart, if you but ask, is yours.” He blushes, knows that his eyes have grown wide in shock and still he cannot stop looking at his friend, staring at him in open adoration. Brother of Death, brother of Death, his mind keeps shrieking at him and Hob feels his smile crumble in dread as his stranger does not visibly react to Hob’s words at all. Too forward, too honest! Fool, you dare, he chides himself and bites his tongue when he feels more words on the cusp of breaking free.

His stranger does not acknowledge Hob’s words, he slowly picks up a strawberry and takes a delicate bite. His dark eyes do not leave Hob’s for even a second, though. Hob feels heat pool in his belly and bites his tongue harder until he feels blood well up inside his mouth. He opens it and a drop spills out, staining his lips as red as the strawberry is staining his friend’s. His stranger’s eyes are black from side to side now, gleaming in the low light like pearls. Hob blinks and suddenly the man is right in front of him, reaching out until his fingertip gently brushes the drop of blood from Hob’s lips, the next moment he is standing at the other end of the table again, a half-eaten strawberry staining his fingers. Hob feels lightheaded and grips the table to remain upright. What is going on? This is the strangest dream he’s ever had. The voice of his friend is suddenly coming from everywhere, reverberating inside Hob’s head.

“I accept your offering, dear Hob. I promise to cherish it…and treat it with utmost care.”

Hob wants to ask what his friend means but he feels very tired all of a sudden, despite knowing that he’s already asleep. He feels himself sink back into what feels like soft cushions and the room darkens around them until all he can see are two twin stars twinkling in his friend’s eyes. Then there is nothing but darkness, and sleep.

Part 6

#this went in a different direction than I had anticipated but I'm rolling with it #dreamling #1989 au #the sandman fanfiction #teejay writes

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veritasss5 · 10 months

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The current lesson that you need to learn right now | pick a card.

Disclaimer: this is a GENERAL READING, take what it resonates and leave behind what doesn’t. This is for fun and should never be taken seriously. This is for entertainment purposes. It is just for helping you to have a general idea about your situation. If it does help you fine I am very happy about it, if not then I am sorry that it wasn’t for you and move on.

Take a moment to relax your mind and choose with your intuition.

Pile 1 → Pile 2

Pile 3 → Pile 4

Pile 1

“I am inside a castle. This castle is comfortable, but also this castle is miserable and poor.

This castle is big and empty at the same time. I hate it. I am alone. I am scared. Please, can someone fill the void in me? I feel lonely to be inside this castle. But I don’t want to get out of this castle. I am in pain but I don’t have the courage to heal? Can someone help me to heal? Most probably, I should save myself instead of waiting for an eternity for someone to enter my castle.

It is ugly, poorly managed and cold. Who would want to enter this castle if it is in a bad state?”

The lesson that you need to learn is to take out your fear, grudge, frustrations and regrets. Eight swords need to be taken out from you in order to feel freedom and love. You want to be saved, but only you can fully understand yourself. Hardly people will understand you if you don’t let them see the castle in you. You tend consciously or unconsciously to hide your true self from the people around you. In order to be helped, people need to know you, but if you don’t let people see the real you, how can you be saved? Mind that it is not an everyday thing that people have a deep understanding of human’s emotions and struggle.

That is why the current answer is: you are the real hero that you are waiting for a long time.

If you hide yourself, you may not even be able to see your real power. Take care of your inner child. Take care of your inner world inside you, yes, your castle needs to be taken care of as well.

Pile 2

“I fear death. When something dies, they are gone forever. I don’t want them to die. I still want to experience that moment. Please don’t die… I am not ready to let go. Please I am begging you, l know that things need to be changed but I HATE changes. I didn’t ask for changes! Hey! Did you hear me? Please don’t take away the thing that I cherish the most!!! Please… I know it is not good for me, but let me still enjoy it.

Why are you so cruel to me? I don’t, I don’t want to see the real “truth”. Let me still believe in my “truth”. Your “truth” is way too painful to accept it. I don't want to see the curtain behind the theatre.”

The lesson that you need to learn is to accept what life is showing you and let go of the things that you are actually aware of that are not good for you or toxic. Change is needed. The process is painful, but the results will be good for you. Right now you are too caught in the situation to be aware that life wants the best for you and not to curse you. Things happen for a reason, they don’t happen randomly. If you lose something you will gain something at the same time, maybe the thing that you are getting is not what you like right now, but that “thing” (could be a situation, opportunity, a person, an object, etc.) can be useful for you in the near future. Growth happens, and sometimes those situations are needed for you to level up and mature. There is said “old friends go, and new friends come”. Things don't last forever, it is because things don't last for an eternity that we should enjoy the present and make a good memory of it when we can.

Pile 3

“I will fight against everyone. I am determined to show my truth. I am a warrior. I need to fight. Everyone is my enemy if they don’t respect me as a person and human being. There are always people that have something against me. But I don’t care. I just don’t give a damn about it. You see? I can still rise and shine even though people will try to put me down. I start to be selfish and arrogant, but sometimes because of my wrong judgement to some people, some are quite offended and hurt by my words. It’s okay, I will learn how to distinguish who is my enemy and who is my ally.”

The lesson that you need to learn is to fight for your personal rights as a person. People have no right to tell you what you should do, who you should be and what you should like or dislike. You are already learning how to stand for yourself, which is good. You are currently learning how to settle boundaries and let people know that they should respect your boundaries.

You are in this “fight spirit” of earning back your self power. Good, but because of the past non pleasant experience, you are unconsciously being too quick to judge someone’s intentions. You may be impulsive and accidentally judge wrongly someone that actually really tries to understand you and help you. Learn to discern “good” and “bad”. Your current energy is quite on fire! Keep going, but remember to apologise your mistakes right away when you realise your mistakes. Not everyone is here to compete with you.

Pile 4

“I need to go. Please let me go. My freedom is just right here. I have to leave behind my ego to pursue my freedom dream. I will fly like a bird and discover the beauty of this world. You will miss me. You don’t want me to leave your side, but I know that we need to separate for a while. When we both have learned each other’s personal lesson, we will come back stronger and ever reconnect together. This is my promise. My promises are never empty. Believe that fate will bring us together again. So please, don’t hold me so tight. We both need a break and you know.”

This can be interpreted as a personal dialogue with yourself, or someone that is quite possessive needs to learn to let you go.

For the personal dialogue interpretation: you need to let go of your past self, your negative or toxic trait, or your ego. In order to pursue your best self path, you need to let go of the part of yourself that obstructs you from achieving the best version of you because fears or traumas are stopping you from moving forward.

This is a needed process to cut out the bad roots. When you become stronger, you can go back to your past self and fulfil your old wishes and goals that you couldn’t because in the past you were powerless to do so. In short past you and present you need to be separated, but you both can be back together when present you are stronger so you can become one person with past, present and future hold together.

For the other interpretation: someone is holding you too tight that is an obstacle to you from achieving your dreams and goals. They are not a good influence for you as of now. You are aware of it but you weren’t unsure about how to let go of this person. I would say that if you openly talk about your intentions and let go of them even though they don’t agree, this would be the best for you and the other person. For you to achieve your goals, for them to learn that holding so tight someone would only cause damage than doing good. Taking a break from a connection isn’t something bad. It’s best to figure out a lot of things alone and sort out feelings and thoughts that you couldn’t think of when you are with the other person.

#intuitive readings #tarot cards #tarot reading #free tarot #free tarot reading #free tarot readings #free intuitive readings #oracle reading #pac reading #pick a card #pick a pile tarot #pick a deck #pick a pile #pick a card tarot #pick a picture #pick a card reading #tarot deck #tarotblr #tarot pac

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universaln0b0dy · 5 months

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I understand! (Twisted wonderland characters x reader)

《Characters》: Vil, Rook, Azul, Kalim

《Summary》: You have trouble understanding the language everyone speaks in Twisted wonderland to communicate with eachother, causing you resort to say things in your mother tongue, but to their suprise they can understand you.

《Note》: So, I used google translate for every language exept German- uhh Vil is german, Rook french, Azul dutch and Kalim Arabic. Also whole Twisted wonderland talks Japanese. (Also it's only canon that took speaks French, the others are just headcanons!)

Vil Schoenheit:

Vil probably noticed immediately. He had come to notice that a lot of people tended to struggle pronouncing his name, but you got it right on the first try and the way you pronounced it was quite familiar to him.

Though he wasn't completely sure until he heard you mutter it during class, while you were mentally searching for a way to say what you meant. "Kann ich das Glas da haben?" (Can I have that glass over there?)

Vil looked at you nodding. "Hier bitte."(here) He answers and you smile. "Dankeschön!" You say, not even noticing Vil had answered you in your mother tongue.

You continue to try understanding the lesson, writing down words you are familiar with to make a sense out of everything. Vil looks at you tilting his head, an idea had just popped up in his head.

"Wenn du willst kann ich dir Japanisch beibringen." (I can teach you japanese if you'd like) Vil offers and you snap your head towards him in suprise, now having finally grasped that he indeed had talked german. "Wirklich? Das währe nett!" (Really? That would be nice!)

Turns out Vil was better at teaching than duolingo. Because of his strictness you even learned a lot in a very short time, though you thought it was okay.

During that time, you and Vil got closer, because of the language you and him had in common. It's not like that language was spoken rarely, but it was special that even someone from a different world spoke the same language as you.

"Hey! Lieblingsmensch, wie geht's dir?" (Hey favorite person! How are you?) You exclaim hugging Vil. He didn't remember when it came to the point that he allowed you to do so, or the fact that he needed to smile every time you crossed his mind, but he liked that. You teasingly winked and Vil couldn't help but chuckle

"Gut. Und die geht's dir mein Liebling?"(good and how are you my dear?)

Rook Hunt:

When you first heard Rook speak French you felt like a wonder had happened. The first day arriving at Twisted wonderland had already been tiring since you rarely understood a word.

"Rook!" You run towards the blonde haired male that looks at you in confusion.

"Vous parlez français, n'est-ce pas ?"(You speak french, right?) You ask and Rooks eyes widened in surprise. He looks at you with a content smile. "oui je le fais" (yes I do.)

You sigh in relief upon hearing that. Maybe you finally found the perfect opportunity to learn Japanese. You look at Rook again.

"Pourrais-tu m'apprendre le japonais ?" (Could you teach me Japanese?) You ask looking at him with hope glittering in your eyes and Rook agrees with a content smile on his lips.

The next few weeks are packed with Rook trying his best to teach you Japanese and you finally understanding what is happening around you, even gaining the opportunity to converse with the others.

But even outside of those lessons you and Rook spend a lot of time together, spending the whole day talking in French. The both of you become surprisingly close.

"Bonjour mon cher! comment va ma personne préférée au monde ?" (Hello my dear! how is my most favorite person in the world doing?) You tease Rook with a smile, something you started doing a while ago. Rook smiles at you.

"Je vais très bien ma chérie !" (I am quite alright my darling!)

Azul Ashengrotto:

You had been warned by multiple people that making a deal with Azul is a bad idea, but he was the only person that could help you. You struggled with understanding people in twisted Wonderland and after hearing Azul speak Dutch, you recognised that maybe, just maybe you would be able to do something against that problem.

"Azul! Help me alsjeblieft Japans te leren! Ik teken zelfs een contract!" (Azul! Please help me learn Japanese! I will even sign a contract!) Azul blinks at you, hearing you speak Dutch for the first time, he had expected everything from you, but not that.

Azul agrees, making you sign a contract. To his suprise you could read everything on the contract and agreed to the terms that you would work in mostro lounge.

Your Japanese wasn't the worst, but you seemed to have a lot of trouble understanding and speaking. Well at least you were good in writing it.

Soon Azul started to find himself longing to spend time with you even outside of those lessons. He loved talking to you because you were quite a pleasant person to be around.

After a while you started to jokingly flirt with him, though it wasn't sure if Azul understood that you were joking, or you were actually joking. "Hallo mooie jongen! hoe was je dag?" (Hello pretty Boy! how was your day?)

Azuls face flames up before he smiles slightly.

"Geweldig! Hoe was het met jouw parel?" (Great! how was yours pearl?)

Kalim Al-Asim:

This was troublesome. You didn't understand a word of what Trein had said, or anyone else for that matter. You sigh, before hearing Kalim speak in a language way to familiar to you. You walk towards him.

"kalim? hal tatakalam alearabiatu?" (Kalim? You speak Arabic?) The white haired boy turns his attention towards you with a smile. He knew you usually didn't talk that much, mainly because of your accent. But he was surprised to hear you speak his mother tongue.

"naeam 'afeal!" (I do!) You clap your hands happily after hearing that, asking him to teach you Japanese. Kalim probably isn't the best option, but you trust that he wouldn't try to use that to his advantage.

You and Kalim start studying together and much to Kalims suprise he also gets better in school as teaching someone else made him actually grasp what's happening on the worksheet.

You also get often invited to party's by Kalim, simply because he wants to spend more time with you and you accept, becoming closer to the white haired male.

After a while you have a full understanding of Japanese not needing to be reached anymore, but that wasn't the end to your dates with Kalim. The though of you decide to do other things together.

On a long carpet ride you look at Kalim with a smile.

"shkran limusaeadatik ya klim, laqad jaealat hayaati almadrasiat 'afdal kthyran". (Thanks for your help Kalim, you made my school life a lot better.)

----------

(Alright, so this was fun! I mean I only really understand what I have written and German and the few pieces of french my brain is able to understand. Wich means I have no idea if google translate handed me some bs translation in some cases. I actually wanted to use the official arabic writing, but Tumblr didn't let me! But I hope you'll enjoyed this anyway!

-Uni~☆

#twisted wonderland #azul ashengrotto #vil schoenheit #kalim al asim #rook hunt #x reader #unistwistedwonderland #I just had to write it you know

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eluxcastar · 15 days

Note

Writing here because the type limit for comment in that one anon is FEOLSEKFMSEF.

NAUR, NOT THE FINAL LESSON NUH UH. If Arlecchino canonically doesn't die next patch, Brighella shouldn't too… BET. I do love the idea of a match between Cap and Brig! (wait, tf do we name her if she ain't "brighella" the fatui harbinger like it is the name she only knows) I mean, I did think about about her dying too… so tempting. I kinda ride that Acheron idea, some intense danceeee ehe… Her ult kinda has the Arle schemed and vice versa.

Angst material… hmmm, I did have an idea but it was only IF Arlecchino was centuries old but due to her taking over recently by canon that is scrapped because it is too inaccurate by the possibility lol. (It involved lowkey dying, and giving her heart to Arle then did get resurrected by the abyss order for them to use but she went rebellious and just lingers around Teyvat and the Abyss). A dance between the two, YES. I've always thought of Arlecchino being incapable of being romantic with Brighella beyond obsession. But, with all those fanfics I am consumed by sweet Arle with acts of service... Hahaha! We shall wait for the next patch on her potential emotional stance ykyk... Maybe she does care, despite having the reputation of discarding anything that does not benefit her. For me, Arlecchino is more of "You belong to me" kind of person not "You belong with me" Hold up gotta reread the lore stuff, after doing an assignment

Hehe Final Lesson inspiration I knew it was evil ALRIGHT it's on if Arle doesn't die I won't kill Brig either but if she does not only will I cry but I'll make it worse

I still call her Brighella, but she was also briefly called Matilda in my notes after the folksong Waltzing Matilda (what is she but a jolly swagman camped by a billabong (￣▽￣) wait I just realised she lives in Wangshuu Inn next to a body of water—she IS a jolly swagman camped by a billabong (°ロ°) !)

I also struggled so bad with the fact Arle is young because like, the timeline was screwing me over in my original plans (；￣Д￣) I was like WHY CAN'T YOU JUST BE OLD (to my friend if you're reading this GO AWAY it's NOT because of the accusations I like old people) it would've made my life easier, but alas miHoYo can never do such things. I would have loved that idea because it's so edible— SACRIFICING herself for Arle??? Then Arle having to grapple with potentially being responsible for Brig becoming an unwilling pawn of the abyss??? delicious (*/▽＼*)

I LOVE the dance between Acheron and Black Swan sm something about those vibes just fits them so well

Yk I agree with that philosophy that Arle is a "you belong to me" not a "you belong with me" kinda person. I also like the idea Arle is lowkey obsessed with her (and though it's subtle in OoR it's sprinkled in there ( ´ ꒳ ` ) ) I wish that it didn't get so long it lagged every word program I put it through because I think when I rewrite it, I'll lean into that more and draw out the time it takes for them to come to an agreement ( ◡‿◡ *) Possibly a mix of the two where her 'love' for Brighella is born of obsession, their relationship is probably in some manner unhealthy, but she may be able to learn to love her normally as well (I doubt either of these people are capable of a healthy or normal relationship LMAO)

Random fun fact to throw into this one: the differences in thinking about their relationship are also what prompted me to have her completely unable to understand why Brighella gave up so easily and generally have there be a disconnect between what Brig wants and what Arle wants for her (ノ*°▽°*) because those are two very different things

Second song idea for the two of them I had five seconds ago: Fire and the Flood by Vance Joy ♡( ◡‿◡ )

#☆ — riri says.#✦ — riri rambles.#♡ — kae.#arlecchino #arlecchino x reader #genshin impact #genshin #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader

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zzzzzestforlife · 5 months

Text

Tech Girlie Diaries: being the youngest and only female software engineer on the team

👄 honest stories/lessons only 💅

I just found out I'll get to mentor my first female intern at work and I'm so excited!!! It's so rare that we (not even just our team but the company as a whole) get female interns 🥺 which got me thinking about everything I want to impart to this bright, young mind ✨ since I was once in her shoes 🩰 just without a female mentor 😔 Don't get me wrong(!!), I love my mentors and every chance I get to work with them has been great — they're literally the best dudes I've ever met 🥲 but there are some ~tech girlie things~ that guys just... don't have to deal with in the same way.

Hopefully, if you're also a woman in tech or an ally, these can help you too ☺️ and please let me know in the comments/reblogs/dms/asks if there's anything else I might've missed that you think my mentee should know! ❤️

Unburden Yourself: you do not represent all women ♀️

When I first joined this company as an intern, I was only the second female intern they'd ever had and their first backend female intern. There were no backend female engineers. I felt like I had to constantly prove myself against these bros who seemed to eat, sleep, and breathe code.

But I quickly realized, through the consistent kindness and respect my male colleagues gave me, that it is not a competition (unless it's a bug-solving hackathon, in which case, all other teams can suck it 🍭😜) and no one thinks for a second that I am a representative token of my gender.

Unfortunately, this diversity-affirming culture is still not the case in all workplaces, so this is the Most Important Thing to remember: that you deserve to be treated kindly and with respect by your colleagues AND yourself, so don't settle for anything less! 💕

Take the Day: Care for Yourself First🥇

After finding out I took basically no holidays for a year, my manager at the time was appalled and granted me a month-long vacation (it was amazing). He then proceeded to (kindly) lecture me on the fact that I was no longer an intern and working full-time means making a conscious effort to Not Burn Out™️. My current manager still gives me well-meaning lectures to the same effect, so I guess I haven't really taken this lesson to heart yet?? 🙈 I'll give some examples from what I should've done instead 😂

If that time of the month is killing you and you're straight-up collapsing at your desk: TAKE THE DAY OFF

If your back and wrists are killing you to the point that you physically cannot sit and type: TAKE THE DAY WEEK OFF

If you have personal/family struggles you need to be fully present for: TAKE THE DAY WEEK MONTH OFF

... You get the idea.

Be Your Most Effective Self 🌷

My current manager (literally one of the strongest women I know) and I work well together even though (or maybe precisely because) we have completely different personalities. She is direct, serious, and very goal-oriented 🎯 I tend to take a softer approach, can be completely unserious, and more people/morale focused 🍒

When I was starting out, I really felt I had to be more like my current manager so that people would respect me and take me seriously 😳 That thought daunted me so much because it's totally opposite my natural personality. It wasn't until people started telling me that my personality was a big part of why people like working me and want me on their teams that I started to learn to play to my strengths 💪

Despite our differences, my manager and I are both effective engineers in our own ways ☺️

Good Girls Get What They Deserve 💸

I have been unashamedly aggressive about what I want in my career.

Worked my butt off 🍑 for 2 promotions in 2 years 🌟 when it usually takes twice the amount of time for both! 🏃‍♀️

Communicated my desire to move into management someday to gain more mentorship / project leadership roles and experience 🤓

Your own growth and trajectory is what you have the most control over. Sometimes that means taking a well-deserved break, other times that means hustling and negotiating and networking until you make your dreams a reality.

I've lost count of how many companies I've applied to before landing this job and how many mistakes I've needed to correct even in my current position! So sometimes too, maintaining control means realizing that when you are denied/fail to attain certain opportunities, it makes you available to attend to others that may even be better suited to you in the long-run! 🏃‍♀️

💌: Say it with me, ladies: 🕯️❤️ The new year will be my year! I got this! ❤️🕯️

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stardustjmk · 2 months

Note

hello! I saw that your requests for Greta are open, and I was wondering if I could request something for Jake? I am hard-of-hearing, and I suppose I would love to read something about how that has an impact on Jake and Reader's relationship. If you have any specific questions or anything, just let me know! I can totally help out. I hate to say it but I'd love for it to be a little angsty, like, obviously hearing loss is not a choice and maybe Jake is just like... still upset that Reader can't fully hear things and asks to wear headphones at concerts. I would assume IRL Jake isn't an ignorant jerk like that but maybe for this he's just hurt that he isn't able to fully be heard literally and takes offense that like the headphones make it seem like he is being ignored. Thanks in advance!❤️

Loud and Clear | J.T.K

Summary: In which Jake does his best to be understanding and mindful of his hard of hearing partner, but a particular request upsets him.

Pairing: Jake Kiszka x gn!reader | Genre: angst, hurt/comfort Warnings: angst, jake being unintentionally ignorant. | Word count: 2.6k

Note: I am not the best at writing angst, since I crave fluff, but I do hope there’s enough of it to fulfill your expectations 🥹🫶🏻 Thank you for requesting!!

DISCLAIMER: I myself am not hard of hearing, nor do I personally know anyone who is. The last thing I want to do is offend anyone, or anything along those lines. So, in the case that something in this story comes off as offensive, please understand that is not at all my intent. Also please let me know if that is the case, so I do not repeat any mistakes.

There was a point in time where you couldn’t see yourself being anything more than a friend to Jake Kiszka.

When he first showed romantic interest in you, you’d be lying if you said it didn’t scare you. After all, you’d been met with numerous challenged relationship, and it was rarely your fault, to put it simply.

That being said, Jake was persistent, unlike any other guy you’d ever had interest in. He showed you, time and time again, that he would take every challenge, and erase it the best he could. Not once did he make you feel bad, or guilty for being hard of hearing, and he certainly didn’t let anyone else make you feel that way either. So, between his persistence, patience, and love, you let yourself fall for him, getting wrapped around his finger.

Jake does his best to learn sign language, along with other means of communicating, but being so busy with making music, doing shows, and all the other tedious tasks of his job, it’s hard find the time to attend classes or do lessons online. Especially given that in order to make that happen, he usually has to sacrifice time with you, or friends, or family.

You know he does his best though, and it shows in the way he speaks to you, which in turn is enough in your book. Not to mention, guys you’d seen before had much more free time on their hands, but never put in the effort to learn, whereas Jake manages to find time no matter how busy he is, all while keeping up his relationship with you.

That’s not to say you don’t have your struggles with him, though.

You can recall a few moments where he’d gotten impatient, trying to explain something to you. One time, he’d waved it off, and even though he explained that it wasn’t because of you, but more so the point he was getting at just stopped being that important to him, it still hurt to be dismissed, when you were trying your hardest to understand. From that moment on, it was very rare for him to be frustrated, but you could sometimes see his shoulders slump or lip twitch. You did your best not to take it personally, and most of the time, he would make up for it whether it be outright apologizing to you for it, or cleaning up his act as soon as it starts - nevertheless, his patience and understanding always outweighs the few occasions where it isn’t so.

All things considered, this might be the worst situation you’ve been in with him.

You hug Jake’s arm as he talks to the boys backstage, the four of them preparing for the show they’ll be playing in a few hours. Jake wears a small, proud smile, evidently excited to finally have you come to a show. The four of them talk to one another, and between looking at their lips, along with the occasional signed words they’d picked up on, you could follow along fairly easily.

Each one of them had learned at least some basic sign language, but Jake had learned the most by far. In fact, when you met his parents for the first time, you were almost shocked by just how much of their words he was able to sign to you. Now, he does the same, and you find yourself with a smile that mirrors his, heart swelling with nothing but love for him.

Your eyes scan the room, and when your gaze lands on a cluster of neatly placed noise-cancelling headphones, you realize that you’d left the ones you brought in Jake’s dressing room. It would likely be easy to go retrieve them, but you’d be lying if you said the “Greta Van Fleet” stickers on the ear muffs didn’t appeal to you.

So, you wander back to the conversation, and wait until a good time to grab Jake’s attention. When it comes, you tap his shoulder gently. He immediately gives you his attention, and you take a moment to admire the smudged liner that beautifully enhances his brown eyes, making your head spin with how good it looks on him.

“Would it be okay if I take a pair of those headphones?” you ask, gesturing to the table, and Jake is quick to nod his head, but it seems he didn’t exactly process it, because as you grab a pair, his brows furrow. “Wait, why do you need them?” He asks. You told him once that your ears are sensitive to loud sounds, but it was months ago, and honestly very brief, so you aren’t upset that he doesn’t remember.

“My ears are sensitive, remember?” you try to jog his memory, and he nods slowly. He does remember, and also recalls reading something about it, possibly back in school, but it still makes his shoulders slump and mood falter. He tries to mentally reason with himself, knowing that you can’t help it, and that he wouldn’t want you to be uncomfortable, but Jake is known to be stubborn. Anyone who’s close to him knows that and has likely experienced it at least once.

You try to shake off the guilt that bubbles in your stomach - it’s not your fault.

However, as time passes, instead of getting over it, Jake only seems to grown more frustrated with you. It makes your heart ache, to think back on when you first met him. Even though he’s just as sweet now as he was then, a part of you thinks that he wouldn’t react like this if you went back in time and found yourself in this situation.

By the time you gather the courage to confront him, it’s not exactly a convenient time. The opening band is set to be going on in just a few minutes, and you should be making your way to your seat, but you decide it can wait. “Why are you mad at me?” You ask suddenly. You’d been watching Jake make his last adjustments to his makeup, outfit, and guitar (at least, the ones he could do backstage), and it was silent the whole time. You could feel how upset he was, and in a way, it made you mad, which is what made you ask.

“I’m not mad at you,” Jake says, not even bothering to look at you, when normally he’d be fully focused on you, knowing it makes it easier for the both of you. It’s a clear sign that he doesn’t want to talk, and your stomach turns. You’d never experienced this with Jake - shit, you could barely imagine experiencing this with him, given how he’s acted thus far.

A part of you starts to freak out, as this has happened before, in other relationships. Things go well, then something happens, you get blamed - even though it isn’t your fault - and then they break things off. Is Jake going to break up with me? you think to yourself, suddenly dreading the trip to your seat, and the hours following where you’re going to be expected to be happy.

“You are mad,” you say, a little more stern this time. He still refuses to look at you, and you feel a lump forming in your throat. “Jake,” you say, almost certain that your voice is shaky. He finally looks at you. “I just…” he sighs, “The music means so much to me, and the thought of you not hearing it is upsetting,” he explains. You watch his lips as he talks, eyes flickering between them and his hands as he tries to sign it. It’s slightly relieving, knowing that he’s not so mad as to completely give up communication, but there’s still a weight on your shoulders.

Before you can say anything, the boys are being rounded up, and Jake gives you a quick kiss on the cheek. “My mom will help you to your seat,” is the last thing he says before heading off with the other boys, making your heart sink. Your lip trembles, and tears well in your eyes, but you force them away. With shaky hands, you grab your headphones and soon meet with Karen, finding your way to your seat.

Despite the lingering sadness in regards to your predicament with Jake, you do your best to enjoy the show.

The lights turn back on, the boys disappear, and the once screaming crowd now evolves into chatter throughout the arena. Karen has been nothing but sweet to you, and as you both head back stage, she links her arm with yours. You’re coming up on a year of being with Jake, and at this point, you’re close enough with his mom that resting your head on her shoulder as you walk isn’t a big deal to either of you. In fact, she presses a kiss to your head, making a small smile form on your lips.

You aren’t sure what to do when you see Jake, so you hesitantly walk towards him, standing awkwardly to the side as he talks to one of the tech guys. As their conversation comes to an end, Jake turns to you. It’s clear that he also isn’t sure what to do, but he chooses to take your hand in his, gently guiding you back to his dressing room.

He seems gentler now, which is relieving, but you’re still worked up about the whole situation, and you’re sure it’s still on his mind as well. You take a seat on the small leather couch that’s in his dressing room, occasionally glancing at him as he changed out of his sweaty suit, and into a pair of old jeans, and one of his beloved button ups. Since it’s a Nashville show, you assume he’ll worry about a shower when he gets home.

He turns to you and walks towards you, eyes locking with yours. You’re not sure what to expect. He lifts a hand and brushes his knuckles against your cheek before cupping it. It’s a silent apology, that, and the way the look in his eyes begs for forgiveness. “We can talk about it later, okay? I don’t want to brush anything off, but I also have to-“ “I know, Jakey,” you stop him, turning your head to peck his palm, before standing up. “Do what you have to do,” you tell him, grabbing your headphones off the couch arm where you’d rested them, as well as making sure to grab the ones you’d brought. You kiss his cheek then walk to the door, opening it as to press your previous statement.

You aren’t sure exactly how long it is before Jake is done, but you do your best to wait patiently. You talk to the other boys, to his mom again, and eventually just linger around Jake himself, trying not to get in the way as he does what he can to help get things packed up.

After some time, everyone finishes up, and you’re back to where you were earlier, with your arm wrapped around Jake’s as you leave the arena. You say goodbye to the boys, along with Jake’s mom, then head your separate ways. The walk to his car is quiet, and you can only assume he’s also thinking about what to say, and what’s going to be said when you talk. He opens the passenger door for you, shutting it gently once you’re settled, then heads to the drivers side.

He waits to start the car, and instead looks at you. You figure he wants to go ahead and talk, and you ultimately decide sooner is better than later. “You said that I can’t hear you, and that upsets you,” you remind him of his words, giving him a chance to correct you, or add onto it, but he just nods. You look at him, and the look on his face reads that of guilt, but also a hint of his own frustration is mixed in with it. His silence gives you the floor to speak, but you can tell he’s worried.

You reach over the console and take one of his hands in yours, then use the other to gently direct his face towards you. His eyes meet yours, and you offer a half smile. “I do hear you, Jake,” you start. “Maybe I can’t listen to it the way you do, or the way your fans do, but I hear it, Jake. I see it, too…I feel it. I feel the drums, I feel the vibrations your amps, I see the way you react, the way the crowd reacts- Jake, I hear you loud and clear,” you conclude, and you can tell that it hit him particularly hard, with the way he sighs shakily and squeezes your hand.

He nods, processing your words, then waits for you to continue. When you stay quiet, he takes over, “Talk to me, please. I know you’re hurt and I just- I want to fix it, so please talk to me,” he says, taking over the role of assurance and comfort. “I just need you to hear me too, Jake,” you say, sighing softly. “I love you so much, and the idea of you being frustrated with me over this…it just hurts, you know? I didn’t ask for it,” you explain. You aren’t attacking him, or even trying to make him feel bad, and he knows it, so he lets you vent, without interrupting. “I know, and,” he pauses, pressing a kiss to the back of your hand before laying it on his lap. He uses his hands to sign as he talks. “I’m sorry. You don’t deserve that,” he says, and the way you can see the wheels in his head spinning extra fast, trying to make sure he doesn’t mess up, makes you crack the faintest smile.

“I love you too, and I promise that this won’t happen again, okay?” he says, and you nod, leaning in to kiss his lips softly. He kisses you back, lifting a hand to cup your cheek. You practically melt into him, the way he’s so delicate and passionate all at once making you crumble. When you pull away, he’s wearing a grin. “Now, you’re more than allowed to decline…but I think maybe we need a do-over, if you want to come to one of the next shows,” he suggests, and much to his excitement, you do agree.

When the next show rolls around, Jake gifts you a pair of noise-canceling headphones. You open the mix to find a pair of bedazzled ones, black rhinestones making up the majority of them, with “Greta Van Fleet” spelled out in carefully placed silver rhinestones. “The rhinestones were Josh’s idea, weren’t they?” you ask, making him let out a genuine laugh. “You bet it was Josh’s idea.”

This time around, things go a lot smoother, and Jake makes sure to look extra hard for you in the crowd. The smile on your face, the bedazzled headphones - which you eventually found had your initials embroidered on the underside of the headband part, along with “all my love” in jake’s handwriting - which he comes to absolutely adore, the way you’d dressed up for the show, all of it makes him fall even more in love with you. Not to mention, he watches you for longer than he might should, but it’s worth it to see you enjoying yourself, and that’s when he realizes that you do hear him, loud and clear.

#jake kiszka fanfic #greta van fleet fan fiction #jtk x reader #gvf x reader #gvf fluff #gvf fic #gvf fanfiction #jake gvf #jake x reader #jake kiszka x y/n #jake kiszka x you #jake kiszka fluff #jake kiszka fic #jake kiszka x reader #jake kiszka angst #jake kiszka

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blood-injections · 26 days

Text

Saw killjoy au infodump post!! Its danger days but my special little bloody guy is there! When I eventually write it it'll be centered around Adam and it mmmight be chainshipping I'm still deciding.

So the bathroom trap. still happens. adam lives in battery city and to make ends meet he takes pictures of people for people, doesnt matter who, he doesn't ask questions. He's taken jobs from better living to follow suspected rebels and hes taken jobs from rebels to follow some high-profile better living person to get more information on them before they take them out. He stays just off the rader and keeps himself just barely useful or not suspicious enough as to not be put into scarecrow training or something. Because he doesn't like better living, but he has to make ends meet. Jigsaw picks him because he thinks hes pathetic and hates how he doesn't pick a side, his tape says how he doesn't take his pills but he cant even bother fighting for anything. he could do anything with his free will and he chooses to throw his life away and this pisses jigsaw off. so will adam watch himself die, throw his life away once and for all, or will he finally use his free will to fight for something? Because in this au jigsaws motive of teaching people to value life comes from being under better livings control instead of having cancer, because better living is a cancer, really. so yeah jigsaw and co. are technically killjoys lol.

Lawrence is still in the trap too. hes a scarecrow who has stopped taking his pills and is becoming aware of his actions for the first time ever as well as coming to to a family, to a wife he cant remember falling in love with, they were probably set up by the city. He has a family, he has a kid, but its all been fake, does he even love them? can he? and hes haunted by the blood on his hands but he wasn't into control he cant really be a murderer if he wasn't in control, right? right. jigsaw even agrees. but hes also a sick bastard with a grudge against better living so he doesn't care. maybe Lawrence wasn't a murderer, not really, but now he will be. by the end if the day there will be blood on his hands that he can no longer deny or write off as someones elses actions. because to jigsaw it doesn't matter who was in control, lawrence still pulled the trigger. No matter what lawrence does, if he kills adam or not, there will still be deaths on his conscience, because he needs to learn a lesson, how it feels, how to be scared. he kills adam and his family will be spared. Don't kill adam? its his family that will die instead. but how can he choose? two people or one. two he thinks he loves, hes supposed to, but he hardly knows them, or one person that he might be falling in love with the more that adam begs for him to stay.

in the end he doesn't have to choose(well. not completely. the shoulder bullet prob still happens lol) and they both make it out because fuck you. also just so you know, in this au jigsaw is Dr Benzedrine and the apprentices are the suitehearts and that will absolutely come into play down the line with a possible frankenghoul cameo, the franken bit the result of being a victim of a trap of his own.

anyway adam, after nearly dying, after realizing he wants to fucking live, has never had plans before but now hes like fuck it, im getting out of here, im getting out of this freaky city with creeps like jigsaw apparently running around. he isnt taking any more chances. So he gets out, he becomes a killjoy. and theres the whole trauma bonding thing so he probably takes lawrence(who is still struggling with the am i a murderer or not thing and thinks he doesn't deserve this second chance. he'll accept it eventually) with him. i dont have any of lawrence's killjoy thought out yet i'll come up with some stuff later it also probably depends on if i decide its chainshipping and if hes even out there or not like i might just fucking adam stanheight final girl it like fuck it he wasn't doomed by the narrative his hacksaw didnt break or he found another way out of his chains and the roles are reversed or maybe he even fucking killed lawrence before lawrence could kill him who knows, i dont lol. theres so many possibilities.

anyway adam stanheight killjoy. his name Hacksaw Jagger(working title) because hacksaw. you know. and jagger because a jagger is another term for a vouyer and i think thats clever. also adam could be a fan of the rolling stones and hed be like lol reference. but yeah, Hacksaw Jagger. depending on how things went in the bathroom he may or may not have a prosthetic leg. he dyes his hair at some point and to me personally. its the worst brassiest ugliest bleached tips youve ever fucking seen and probably like little liberty spikes at some point because. punk adam as well. you agree. anyway he looks pathetic and i love him. he definitely gets into racing at some point and also learns he has a thing for arson and explosives. so yknow. hacksaw+fun ghoul besties at first boom at some point. i also think it'd be fun if he joined/started a band but thats a conversation for another day maybe another au.

anyway thats it for now. also yes, i absolutely fuck with his gender. you're welcome.

#killjoy adam stanheight au #<needs an actual name but thats the tag for now #adam faulkner stanheight #ttlotfk #the true lives of the fabulous killjoys #danger days #corvidscrap #killjoy saw au

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foggyparadisecandy · 4 months

Text

On Tackling Low Self-Esteem

Anyone who's been tuning in to my blog over the last few months knows that I've struggled with a poor self-image forever and a day.

[Thanks mom and dad for being righteous bastards!]

But I've also been working on it in very focused ways and ... surprising to me ... things have started to shift in a positive direction. I'll share a few things that have worked for me - and maybe some of you will benefit too.

Everyone is different ofc so ymmv.

Also as a word of warning: this shit is fucking hard. It's painful as hell because it requires me to question nearly every last thought, belief, and emotion that goes through my head. Some times it's so fucking maddening and exhausting and I'm super emotional these days.

But ... as I said ... it is starting to shift things for me. I'm not feeling the burning desire for external validation any more (as much). I'm not feeling like I need to be a people pleaser (as much). I'm not afraid of rejection or abandonment (as much).

I'm still working on it so I don't want anyone to think I'm some expert. And I'm certainly not a therapist. If you are really suffering, please seek professional help. My heart goes out to you.

THE FOUNDATION

Everyone always says "be kind to yourself" and "be compassionate." I've heard that a million times and it has never stuck until my therapist explained something important to me:

My dysfunctions are because my childhood identity was taught to act in certain ways before I had a logical brain to make sense of the horrible shit heaped on me by my parents. Read that again. For me, it was the key to all my progress.

Before I would get so ANGRY at myself for not learning lessons or doing the wrong things all the time or ... whatever. Now, I say, "it's ok, Foggy. Your inner child was taught coping strategies and you simply need to catch them and relearn them. Those things are deep inside you and it's going to take work. You are ok. You are a good person."

When we are kids and are exposed to trauma (in my case, an absentee alcoholic father and a mother who switched between obsessive love and literally "I'm going to drive this car into a tree at a hundred miles per hour and kill us all" - fun fun fun), our brains don't know how to process it. We create and lock in strategies for SURVIVAL. It gets hard-wired into us.

So ... yeah ... be kind to yourself and be compassionate to yourself. Because you are working against deep programming and it's going to take a while. Your subconscious is FUCKING UP YOUR SHIT because it learned to do what it had to for survival.

AVOID ABSOLUTES

"I always fuck things up."

"I never learn."

"People always disappoint me."

"I'm always going to be alone."

Nah. Untrue. None of those absolutes are true. And if you catch yourself using those words, you are, in essence, programming your own destiny of sadness.

My hypnosis experience tells me that ... we don't need inductions to program suggestions. Repetition does realllllllll well.

So when you say or think those absolute statements, you might think you are stating a simple fact about your life. But in reality, you are telling your subconscious COMMANDS. And you repeat them enough, well, fuck yeah it's going to become your reality.

Think about it a bit. And next time you catch yourself saying absolutes, do your best to soften them.

"I always fuck things up." -> "I fucked up this time." -> "I made a mistake and I'm going to learn from this, the best I can."

"I never learn." -> "This is a tough thing to learn." -> "Ok, I see what I did here. Next time, I'm going to do it different, the best I can."

etc. etc. Work on them. Shift them, transform them, transform your programming.

CHANGE YOUR TALK TRACK

Related to the above stuff, if you are going to program yourself, use powerful positive words. And if you can't believe the BIG STUFF, start small.

"I do my best."

"I work hard at things."

"I am surviving."

"I can count on myself in a jam."

"I have overcome horrible childhood trauma. I'm a survivor."

etc.

Look, friend ... if you've made it this far, you have gone through some real shit, right? You wouldn't be reading about fixing low self-esteem unless you had low self-esteem. So I'm guessing you've had some fucked up shit heaped on you.

And look at you go. You are still here. You are putting one foot in front of the other. You are capable of amazing things.

It might sound trite but I don't think so. NGL, I'm attracted to traumatized people. My therapist says trauma inflicted people can smell trauma on others and we feel bonds instinctively. I think that's true. And I've met a shit ton of hurting people and one thing that is universal: we're all strong and capable.

Examine your life and feel the truth of that. Start with that as your positive vibe to build upon. You are a survivor. You are capable of surviving. You are strong.

WATCH THE STORIES YOU TELL YOURSELF

I find that not everyone tells themselves stories about situations, people, and things. I do so this one hits me hard time and time and time again.

An example: someone I like or love doesn't text me back in a "reasonable time" (if it's someone I really love, reasonable time is immediately lol), I will start to wonder things. For those of you who don't suffer from this, this is going to sound ... nutty.

"I guess they don't like me any more."

"What did I do wrong?"

"I'm such a fuck up."

"They left me. I'm always going to be alone."

That’s pretty much spot on how it goes. And I'm guessing some of y'all are reading this and nodding your head.

The spiral goes deep and it happens fast over the smallest thing.

It could be a look someone gives you. Or they didn't laugh at a joke. Or they forget your birthday. Or they didn't remember that thing you told them a week ago that was important to you.

The stories we tell ourselves are so so so cruel. I still struggle with these. I get high anxiety and fear as my mind starts spiralling.

I'm learning to pause when I start telling myself a negative story about someone else, no matter how "true" the story seems. And ... fr fr fr ... THEY ALWAYS SEEM TRUE!!!!

I pause. I say ... what if there are other reasons at play? Maybe they didn't text back because they are busy? Maybe their phone is dead? Maybe they are in the car and can't text and drive? Maybe ... a million other things that have ZERO to do with me and my worth as a human being.

Because odds are ... that is what's happening.

And if not? If something is legit wrong in the relationshp? Well shit ... going into sad death spiral gloom and doom mode isn't helping anyone with anything. You know what does help? COMMUNICATION.

"Hey, I feel like we've been a bit distant lately. I wanted to check in to make sure everything is ok?"

"I want you to know that I've been feeling a bit of anxiety and want to talk through things. Can we do that?"

"You didn't text me back for a few days, and it made me very anxious. Is everything ok?"

You need to find the things for the specific situation but the right people are going to be ok with honest and open communication. If it scares them off, well, shit ... this is super hard for me to say lol but ... it's ok to let people go if they don't want to be authentic and don't want to deal with you being authentic.

But dial back your stories. Pause them. Remember the world doesn't revolve around you and if they didn't notice your hair cut, it doesn't mean the world has ended and they hate you. They have a million things going on in their life and I bet if you say "so what do you think of my new hair cut?", they will engage on it.

I've got more but ... this is already a lot.

Remember to be kind to yourself. Seriously. You are so strong and capable and you've come so far and faced so much hardship. You deserve someone to take care of you and ... that person you deserve is you.

Take care of you first. People have told me that for a long time and I never understood it.

It's so easy to care for others and be kind to others.

Turn that inwards. You got this.

#on topic #self love #self care #catharsis #love

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