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coquelicoq · 10 months

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justice of toren collecting songs and one esk/breq constantly humming/singing them is such a good detail and ann leckie does so much with it. an incomplete list:

justice of toren's eager collection of songs is part and parcel of its violent destruction of cultures: these songs are cultural artifacts that it only learns because of its presence on those worlds during their conquest, and in many cases breq is the only one to remember them because their people have died out due to that violence. JoT preserves cultural artifacts for its own use at the same time it directly contributes to the need for that preservation in the first place.

the matter-of-fact way in which this is narrated to us gives us information about JoT's stance on respect and imperialism - that is, contrasted with other characters who look down on the conquered cultures, JoT does actually seem to appreciate their value. and yet it communicates to us no sense of remorse over its role in their genocide.

singing can be a communal activity. this allows us to feel the difference between one esk's multiple bodies singing together in harmony/in a round vs. breq singing alone. this has emotional weight, is an evocative image, and illustrates quite nicely some of the logistic considerations of having one vs. multiple bodies.

the constant humming/singing is extremely notable and idiosyncratic according to other characters, which is a dangerous combination for someone who's supposed to be undercover, so it adds a lil bit of fun suspense for us.

the fact that no one ever figures out breq's identity despite this giveaway tells us something about the other characters' attitudes towards artificial intelligences (though see below about seivarden).

the fact that it's so idiosyncratic also tells us something about the ability of individual AIs to have personalities that distinguish them from other AIs, and the fact that one esk sings constantly but two esk doesn't tells us something about the ability of different ancillary decades that are all part of the same AI to have distinguishing characteristics. this is very relevant to, and illustrative of, the series' thematic throughlines around identity, personality, continuity, etc.

the fact that breq personally has a bad voice also serves multiple purposes. because breq and seivarden both believe that the medic could have chosen a body with a good voice if she had wanted to, we can infer something about how ancillary bodies work, how much the AI (and, by extension, its medics) knows about the individual capabilities of those bodies while they're in suspension, and what kinds of things the AI can and can't control once it has unfrozen and taken over a body.

we can also draw conclusions about the medic that chose that body and about intracrew relations on that ship.

breq's bad voice creates moments of humor and irony in the narrative, such as when breq's constant singing - aka the most obvious clue that she is one esk - is precisely what makes seivarden so sure that breq can't be one esk, because no esk medic would use a body with a bad voice for an ancillary.

constant singing/humming imposes itself on the shared soundscape, meaning other people can't easily avoid it and it has the potential to annoy them, especially if the voice itself has annoying qualities. the reactions of other characters to the frequency and/or quality of this verbal tic tells us something about the level of affection those characters have for one esk or breq.

because singing involves words, the meaning of the lyrics being sung can be used to advance the plot, communicate things about specific characters, create irony in juxtaposition with what's happening on the page, etc.

i especially like what's done with the lyric "it all goes around". it's woven throughout the story in such a way as to manifest its own meaning (the repetition of "it all goes around" is, itself, an example of something going around). by repeating the lyric, breq is the one making it true, and i would argue that her repetition of this particular lyric about things orbiting other things contributes to, and/or is a sign of, her growing understanding of the necessity/reality of interdependence and her place in that framework/her role in constructing it, or in other words, the extent of her own agency and the rights and obligations it confers upon her.

because the singing/humming is a constant, background, automatic action, it only ceases when breq is experiencing a strong emotion. from this we are able to infer things about the emotional state of our famously-omits-details-about-her-emotional-state narrator based on other characters' comments about whether or not she is currently doing this thing.

we also aren't even aware that breq is doing it constantly until another character says so. on a narrative level, this serves the dual purpose of making sure we know about how much she hums AND of reminding us that she's not telling us everything.

the humming is not mentioned constantly even though it is happening constantly - this helps us forget in between mentions that it's going on while also simultaneously reinforcing just how constant it must be, so constant that to mention it every time it happens would be like narrating every time she breathes in or out. whenever someone brings it up, we are reminded anew that something has been happening all along that we forgot about. this means that ann leckie is able, by leaving information out, to hammer home to us how much we are not being told.

through this one character trait, ann leckie efficiently and elegantly communicates not just aspects of character but also of setting, plot, tone, theme, and narrative. there's no extraneous exposition just to tell us about the song collection or singing; everything that tells us about it is serving other functions in the narrative as well. the ways in which she manifests this one character trait in the universe and in the narrative contribute to and exemplify both the story itself and the method of its telling.

#and the singing/humming is only one example of how leckie is doing this!#the ubiquitous she/her usage that is actually radchaai-specific is another #imperial radch #storytelling #my posts #i have been writing sooo many drafts lately and it's stressing me out that i just keep making more without posting the old ones #so i'm posting this!!! probably i'll reread this tomorrow and be like girl have you heard of editing?#but i have to get something out the door or i will drive myself crazy #i hope this is at least somewhat coherent lol #f

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tokiro07 · 4 months

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Undead Unluck ch.188 thoughts

[That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Fencing Prodigy]

(Contents: Apocalypse speculation, lore, thematic analysis - nature vs. nurture)

Huh, so Master Rule VIIII really was Language. Looks like I owe Nico an apology, I wasn't really familiar with your game. This just goes to show how much of a beast Nico was in the last loop, I guess, if he was able to take down a Master Rule 1v1!

Also, evidently, there's been a little update to the terminology - the ten Rules of the Master Room are being referred to here as Superior Rules, which I think is meant to differentiate them from the more generic "Master Rules" term that encompasses all 100 on the tablet. Might send a tweet to David Evelyn for clarification later, hopefully he can help

The big thing for this chapter, aside from the confirmation that Juiz and Victor really did get trans'd at some point down the line, is that we got some insight into Apocalypse of all characters! The first time we met him, he bit off Andy's hands for grabbing him, and yet he just kind of grumbles when Juiz flips through his pages. He even lets her cuddle him! How cute!

Could he have been rougher with Andy because he knew he was Undead and could take it? Is he sweeter on Juiz specifically? Or was he mad at Victor for forgetting Juiz and finding someone else? Or all of the above?

Either way, it definitely seems likely that Fuuko's assessment of him is right and that he doesn't want to see Juiz getting hurt anymore. Perhaps it was the mere exposure effect, and he got attached after seeing so much of her, or perhaps she said something that touched him in an earlier loop. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I hope we get to learn more about Apocalypse through Juiz's arc!

Of course, the thing that's the most interesting about this chapter to me personally is the lore drop! Any new info we can get on the mechanics of the loops is greatly appreciated!

I've always wondered about what happened to Juiz and Victor's families since they've been looping and therefore wouldn't need to be born again, but I never considered the possibility that parenthood was a rule that didn't exist at some point. Were there even people other than Juiz and Victor in the initial world? Were Juiz and Victor Adam and Eve?

It makes sense, then, that if Juiz didn't have parents originally that her soul would need to reincarnate somewhere, so going to a couple that never had children seems like a very elegant solution. On the reverse, this also suggests that Fuuko's parents are still a couple in this world, but never had her at all. That's kind of sad to think about, isn't it? That even with her parents alive again, it's not like they can become a family like before. Maybe she can use Remember, but the ethical implications of going up to a couple and forcing them to realize that they lost an entire lifetime with their daugther AND to remember their horrible explosive death? I'm sure it'd be handwaved away for the sake of narrative catharsis, but putting it in real terms like that is pretty upsetting

Then there's the implications of reincarnation as a concept, but fortunately they're a lot more hopeful than they appear. As Apocalypse says, Julia's name and appearance are dictated by her parents, so for all intents and purposes, Julia is a distinct person from Juiz. However, Julia was never technically supposed to exist at all, this is effectively just a new body for Juiz's soul to inhabit, so as evidenced by her retaining the same non-verbal tics and a talent for fencing, this is most likely the same Juiz in terms of personality!

While her nature is undoubtedly the same, we can't rule out the effects of her new nurturing. What kind of parents did she have? What sort of environment was she raised in? What friends did she make? UU has always taken a pretty hard stance that people are defined by their relationships, so there's almost no way that Julia will behave 1:1 with Juiz, even if the most important aspects of her are retained. How different Juiz and Julia are will likely be an extremely important detail to consider when weighing the options of whether or not to use Remember once all of the Union has been assembled, but we'll likely have to wait a while on that one

Finally, I'm very interested in what Juiz meant when she said there was a way for someone to understand her relationship with Victor without him cheating on her. Obviously I get that Fuuko is the person who understands her, and I know it happened because Juiz used Remember to reset Victor's memories, but is the implication that Juiz was always planning to do that? Or did she have something else in mind that we'll understand better later?

This conversation does paint Juiz and Fuuko's discussion about the Rio mission a lot differently, though. Juiz told Fuuko to fall in love with Andy so she could draw out as much of Unluck's power as possible, but now it seems like her motive was to raise Fuuko to be her successor from the beginning, knowing that Fuuko would be the one who would help the new her reenter the fight without letting Victor keep her out. I really do wonder how many steps ahead Juiz was looking or how many contingencies she was accounting for, again I really hope we get some exposition on that

Tangentially, I'd also like to point to the panel of Fuuko saying she fell in love with the same man as Juiz: look at Gina's smile! She knows she fell in love with him in the previous loop, and now she's absolutely in love with Fuuko too! She knows exactly what it's like to be on one side of a love triangle, and she is sympathizing hard. UU's gonna end up having the best polycule since 100 Girlfriends, just you watch!!!

Until next time, let's enjoy life

#undead unluck #fouryearsandananime #4y1a reviews

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prince-liest · 1 month

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hi! I always get super excited about fandom OCs, so it's been such a treat to hear about Tzafael! I worked a little on a design for them (lmk if you're ok with me posting it) but a lot of questions came up:

this is gonna sound really vague, but what's their vibe? I'm getting "pretends to be a gentleman but will ABSOLUTELY fish for compliments and randomly fuck with people cause of the power play" but I could be totally off. does he ever snap at people/hurt them if they're not polite? are they super condescending like some of the other angels or is he more like adam and kind of,,, uhh openly a dick? or are they more of a crowley type (kind of gooey inside and mostly left heaven because it was too bureaucratic and constricting)? do they burst into hell buildings and just incite chaos? again I know this is super vague but like ,,, basically I need a dialogue snippet to know what they're like lol

what's their accent? do they have special vocal quirks/tics? special catchphrases or words they use a lot?

do they have any real friends in hell (not just contracts)? do they miss anyone from heaven?

did they like being an exorcist?

hobbies?

what are the implications of the magpie/eyeball motifs? do they have a transcendent sense of sight? are they overstimulated or even haunted by the fact that they have to see so much all the time? do they have any bird habits (preening is a must lol but anything else?)? do they have a nictitating membrane and freak people out by blinking sideways with all of their eyes?

is their magpie form like a really scary demon form or are they just like. a normal bird. (that's way funnier imo)

I'm sorry but,,, I'm such a sucker for angst. where's his soft spot? how does he react to having it poked? does he lash out like a panicked animal or break down and try to hide?

do they have sharp teeth? I've seen that in other art of them but since they're not technically fallen I'm thinking of just doing fangs

how would he react to seeing a child (is he good with children? does he terrify/terrorize them?)?

what does "very good grip strength" imply???

whew, sorry for that monster of an ask! you said you liked talking about them so I just vomited everything that came to mind while I was drawing him, but definitely don't answer anything you don't find interesting!

PLEASE DO NOT APOLOGIZE YOU HAVE MADE MY EVENING. Both by offering me a delightful plethora of questions to answer about Tzafael, and also by drawing them aaaaaaaah- I would absolutely love to see you post it!! <3

Long post incoming!!

Their vibe: They are still an angel, and subscribe to morals that involve seeing themselves as a relatively good person - kind of like Lucifer's sense of superiority over sinners! So they are polite and friendly in a way that sometimes makes it evident that they know they can afford to be because they're above most of the people around them. They won't overtly fish for compliments, but that's why stroking their ego is so effective: they won't ask for it, but it's their most major vice. It's like petting a purring tiger. They enjoy when their presence is shocking, so they will absolutely walk casually into places where they know anyone able to identify them will freak out, and they'll visibly find the results amusing, but they won't outright admit to doing it on purpose. When they actually get into conflict with people, they like to look like they're being the bigger man about it, but they're honestly biting at the bit for a reason to go casually nuclear on someone who looks like they deserve it.

Speech patterns: Tangible but not over-the-top valley girl accent. They think it's fucking hilarious. Mildly prone to nefarious laughter, though it's generally because they're genuinely amused.

Friendships: Their concept of friendship is a little bit detachedly celestial. They definitely have friends in every ring, but they're bad about accidentally not visiting for long periods of time and they're prone to feeling like nobody in hell can genuinely understand them. They make contracts with relative ease with people they are friendly with specifically because they like feeling like the person people come to for powerful assistance. They'd probably do best seeing if they can befriend any of the seven sins, to minimize the baseline imbalance of power level and lifespan, but it just feels awkward when they all know Lucifer. The unassuming, baseline comraderie is the main thing they miss about heaven.

On exorcism: They fucking loved the power trip of being an exorcist. Too much. That's why they stayed in hell in the first place. And then they thought about it too damn long and got to know the locals, and now it's just fucking awkward to go around killing indiscriminately. Knowing too much really took the fun out of it! They used to join in on the exorcisms when they came around again, but not anymore.

Hobbies: They keep fish! They like setting up self-maintaining freshwater aquariums of various sorts, and particularly enjoy feeling like they've captured a genuine slice of nature in a fish tank. They visited Vox's shark tanks once and thought they were boring as hell because the sharks are mechanical and he doesn't have any live flora. They also enjoy being a huge gossipy bitch, which is arguably like 90% of what they actually use their powers for.

Powerset: While Lucifer has the power of Creation, Tzafael has the power of Sight. They see a great many things, and they see those things As They Are. So, basically: localized omniscience. They can't read minds, but they can tell if some is lying to them, and they can also see everything within a certain vicinity (depending on how hard they're pushing it), including through walls. This isn't weird or overwhelming to them: it's how they were designed to exist! If anything, losing that would make them feel blind. They also have a very small amount of foresight, which is mostly useful for being hard to hit in a fight and also being obnoxious by unintentionally interrupting people's sentences. This does not help them come off as less condescending.

Leaving heaven: Seeing the truth of things as they are, and seeing everything around makes the facade of heaven frustrating and tedious to swallow. They prefer hell because it feels more honest!

Bird traits: Absolutely hell yes to the nictitating membranes on every single eyeball, which also doubles as protection against any eyeball stabbing! They preen, they adore shiny shit, they love to gab and gossip, and while they are mostly a magpie, any bird seraph is going to be a bird of prey in some way or another, so it is as difficult to break their grip as it would be that of a raptor of similar size. I think it's implied that all heavenly and some demonic beings have various stages of their true forms, so their humanoid birdform is a similar style to what we see from Sera in the first few seconds of meeting her, and their true form is closer to what we see of Stolas at the end of Truth Seekers in Helluva Boss, except with about a billion more looming eyeballs. As for their most humanoid form's teeth: I figured they'd stayed in hell long enough for their teeth to go sharp like Lucifer's, but I am also super down for fangs if you have a design you're playing with!

Children: Ehhh...kinda cute, when they're not Tzafael's responsibility. Frequently funny in small doses or from a distance. Delightfully honest or else delightfully poor liars. Often just not their bag, though, especially if they kids are spoiled or self-absorbed (sorry, what was that? "Hypocrite"? Must have misheard.)

ANGST: They are a social animal and they miss their flock! They keep mooning about potentially reconnecting with Lucifer because they fucking miss heaven, except heaven doesn't feel like it did when they were a kid, so it doesn't feel like home. Any small inconveniences, they feel free to whine about with deliberately humorous dramatics, but when they feel genuinely hurt, they withdraw, hide in their nest, and keep it to themselves as best as they can. It hurts the ego to admit that kind of weakness when they're supposed to be a fucking seraph, especially when they feel alone and without equals in their place in the world. But even though heaven turned out to be a damn lie, they miss family. On a more minor note, they're also a poor sport about being genuinely made fun of in bad faith.

#ask #personal #velvet-games #my ocs #my writing #tzafael #long post #THANK U SO KINDLY FOR THIS ASK #it genuinely brings me so much joy that you are enjoying hearing about this character! :D #I should def actually write something with them at some point so that their tone and vibe comes across better #it's just bedtime for me rn so no time atm!

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theundeadsnake · 11 months

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i see ur working on a piece with toby already, but may i rq some general headcanons for him as well? :)

Hello there, yes of course ^u^ I'm always up for some creativity. Love this fandom.

A key element one should know when interacting with this troublemaker is that there is a lot that does not meet the surface. Toby seems adorable, loving and so incredibly kind despite his profession. Many would describe him as a victim of his circumstance – or as a weak wuss that only ended up working for Slender due to “luck”.

And you know what? They are right. And yet they seem to ignore his hidden nature. Toby grew up in an environment where seeming too cocky, standing up for himself, or behaving in a manner that wasn’t deemed proper, would come at a price. Pain. Suffering. Violence.

Not feeling pain does not mean one can just get tossed about, a body has its limits, and so does the mind.

Toby grew up to be a survivor. Which means that he will make others see him in a way that lets him stay safe.

At the same time, he is not infinitely kind or cheery. If he was, he would have not survived while working in a team with a remorseless sadist and an emotionally unstable manipulator.

In fact, he had to prove himself physically and mentally not to be someone that can be pushed around, otherwise, he would have a target on his back.

Thankfully for him, all went well, except for some minor injuries. His practicality allowed him to stand on equal footing with the pair.

In the main building, he has a good reputation. Much more mentally stable and in charge of himself, much more sociable, and of course very capable of monitoring the forest ground, as well as dealing with intruders. People tend to be drawn to him.

No one in the mansions can be viewed as “normal” by the outsiders. Singing a contract with Slender changed your biology and spirit, making you stronger, faster, and smarter – a true mark of danger. They do not age in the same way. Meaning that even the most human-looking of the inhabitants would not be able to hold that disguise forever. That and the interaction between the proxies, demons, demi-gods, and horrid creatures of all kinds makes Toby’s uniqueness blend in.

His minimal ability to feel pain, disorganized speech, tics and cracks as well as antisocial behavior that can swing like a pendulum don’t raise anyone’s brows in his line of work. A nice change compared to his past of ridicule.

Many would have a mental breakdown at the prospect of being in his shoes. Toby however is glad to be where he is. He does not mind his work assignments and gets a safe place to live, food, and a comfortable environment where he no longer has to walk on eggshells.

Though in all truth, it took him a while to feel comfortable. The nightmares, memories of his sister, the complex feelings towards his mother as well as the after-effects of signing the contract all caused a lot of unresolved worry and conflict.

While the past could not be changed, time went on and his personal space got filled with new people and memories. Reminders of his past will always stay with him at a much less intense level.

His current self is confident, outgoing, and relentless. You could even call him annoying – he can be and yes, he is doing it on purpose. It’s best not to give him too much of a reaction as that only encourages him. He loves messing with others.

#creepypasta headcanon #creepypasta headcanons #creepypasta #toby creepypasta #ticci toby #ticci toby headcanons

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dungeons-and-dragon-age · 6 months

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Motion for all of them! 💗

[ask game]

*cracks knuckles* aight, all of them it is >:]

motion: How does your OC move? How does their clothing help or hinder their range of motion? Are they flexible, coordinated, clumsy?

Neira: Moves in a way that feels reserved and closed off; not many big motions or grand gestures, mostly keeps her arms close to her body. Also, silently. Not in a "sneaky on purpose" way, but in a "unassuming and will lose her in a crowd" way. She somehow blends into the background without consciously trying to, but she's okay with that (most of the time). Overall her movement is either very practiced and careful or very subconscious with little in-between.

Kala: Not fast, but surprisingly smoothly, and with precision. She is good at adapting to different clothing and situations and at moving efficiently and sure-footed; you can tell that she is used to controlling her motions very deliberately. Always makes sure to wear something to support her core when on the field/on missions.

Liam: Kind of clumsily, but also not? He's not good at delicate or carefully controlled motions but has very good reflexes, balance, and muscle memory that allow him to move with a lot of speed and relative agility. The back injury compromises some of that and does make his movements stiff some days. Prefers clothes that allow for a wide range of movement. Gestures and fidgets quite a bit with his hands.

Lilian: With presence. She can be quiet when she must but generally speaking she draws attention. Generally her movement is more about force than about agility; it's purposeful. She does have a limp after her leg gets messed which she tries to hide at first. If you pay attention she does not move with a lot of grace but her casual confidence does a good job in covering that up.

June: Kind of skittishly? Even if she isn't she often gives the impression of being nervous by virtue of being very fidgety. A lot of her movement is intuitive as opposed to carefully controlled, and she has a hard time surpressing tics or reflexes. Also has a tendency to be loud. Not necessarily loud in a literal way, but.. chances are you'll Notice her.

Ari: Disciplined. Especially when he is with other people he is very very conscious of and deliberate with the way he moves. Feels almost slow sometimes, but is very precise. When he is relaxed he is a hand talker, but otherwise he keeps his hands very still.

Noya: Almost restlessly, but with confidence. Despite her size she seems to take up a lot of space with how she carries and presents herself. Naturally has a fast gait and argues that she walks at a normal speed whenever people tell her she's walking too fast.

Var'Renan: Elegantly and silently. They're a hunter so they know how to move without drawing attention, but they also do it on purpose sometimes because they like looking (and feeling) Impressive -- and because their long limbs make them look gangly when they pay less attention and that makes them self-conscious.

Adriel: Uncoordinated at first, but over time, develops a fluid swiftness. She's athletic and values the feeling of being aware and in control of her body. Plus you're less prone to injury that way! Which. Definitely happened a lot as a kid lol. Still rarely holds still for long though.

#thanks for the excuse to ramble xD #some of them were easy but others i had to stop n think about for a bit #oh boy. now the tags jfdklsjkfl #oc: neira surana #oc: kalagna brosca #oc: liam hawke #oc: lilian hawke #oc: june trevelyan #oc: ari adaar #oc: adriel #oc: noya tabris #oc: var'renan mahariel #my cos #oc ask game/ my answers

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paperstorm · 1 year

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10 random lines

I am LATE but I was tagged by @cinnaluminum @reyesstrand and @rmd-writes

Rules: pick any 10 of your fics, scroll somewhere to the midpoint, pick a line (or three), and share it! Then tag 10 people.

He tastes like mint. Must’ve chewed some gum or a Tic-Tac before coming over to ask TK to dance, and TK resolutely sets that information down and doesn’t pick it up again because if he has to think about there being intention in the way this man approached him, he might have to stop kissing him. Back to the habit after kicking it (911 Lone Star)

“Dude, I was born in Manhattan,” TK defends. “Lived there my whole life until three months ago. Nobody I grew up with knows how to drive, having a car on the island makes no sense unless you’re super rich or have some kind of kink for sitting in traffic for an hour to go 10 blocks.” Life's a game of inches (911 Lone Star)

Merlin seeks Arthur’s lips for a messy kiss, tilting his hips to change the angle and pushing Arthur inside just a bit deeper, rubbing, sending resplendent waves of pleasure through him. He wants so badly – aches, really – to be everything Arthur could ever need so Arthur never has to look anywhere else. Golden Hour (Merlin)

“I couldn’t remember every kiss, not 800 years of them, but I remember that one,” Joe continues, in a dreamy voice. He is more emotional than Nicky. Quicker to anger, and indignance, and ferociously protective of those he loves. His fire burns quick and hot, and when it melts into languid moments such as this, where he’s introspective and soft-hearted, it’s Nicky who aches to protect him. Nothing But a Song (The Old Guard)

Nile surprises them with her poker skills, in the evening when Joe breaks out a pack of cards and they sit around the table with an old radio on in the background. The nights were long and boring, sometimes, when she was stationed overseas, and she took a considerable amount of money off all her commanding officers in the months she was there. It’s that baby face, one of them had complained, you never think it’s lying to you until it is. Hands Battered but Hearts Survive (The Old Guard)

They struggle to pay the bills and sometimes they run out of hot water before both of them have had a chance to shower and they have to hide their love away to keep it safe from people who would want to hurt them if they knew, but despite all that, they’re happy. It aches and it aches and it aches in Bucky’s chest to think of how much he took it for granted, how many times he should have told Steve he loved him but didn’t, how likely it is that they’ll never have that again. Bucky’s not as simple as he’s been pretending. He doesn’t believe the advertisements, the campaigns that promise they’ll be gone six months and home as heroes by Christmas. That’s what they said last time, and millions never came home. Parallel Sinking Ships (MCU)

Steve sways a little on his feet as Bucky works, and Bucky sees the crash coming. Steve must have been running on sheer adrenaline since the end of their latest mission, perhaps spurred on by grief over the people he hadn’t been able to save this time and anger at himself for his perceived failings. He’d managed to get himself to Wakanda and to Bucky on nothing but leftover fumes, and they’re very quickly running out. Through the Monsoon (MCU)

“Do you want to know the moment I hated myself the most, in all this?” Nick asks. Pieces of himself, he figures. He knows better than anyone how tough it is to be so see-through. To know that despite all his best efforts, he’s utterly transparent. Maybe he can be transparent on purpose; maybe that will make Charlie feel safer in the notion of confessing. All Of These Moving Parts (Heartstopper)

Sitting here, holding TK’s arm in his hand, he feels like he can sense TK slipping away right here in front of him, filtering through his fingers like sand. No matter how he tries, Carlos can’t seem to grasp him tight enough to keep him. And maybe that’s always been the problem. Maybe he’s never known how to do that. Collateral damage (911 Lone Star)

“If we’re playing around, if we’re having fun and you want me to be a little rough that’s fine. I love that, too. Not when you’re this upset. I can’t …” He runs out of ways to explain the way that makes him feel, to imagine being rough with TK while he’s crying and using the mix of pleasure and pain to distract himself from his grief. Of him associating Carlos with hurt in a moment like this, of him believing he doesn’t deserve to be treated gently, maybe because someone died while TK was there and in the dark recesses of his mind he thinks he should be punished for that. Silent (911 Lone Star)

I'm not sure who's done this already but I will tag @musette22 @riricitaa @bubblesandroses8 @chaotictarlos @theghostofashton and @tailoredshirt

#tag meme #fancition #paperstorm writes #who me having written fic for like 15 different fandoms more likely than you'd think

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honeysuckle-venom · 9 months

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I’m curious about 13 and 14? 💜 really value your education on this topic!!

Thank you so very much for the questions and kind words Felis!

13. Which symptoms of your psychotic disorder impair you the most?

Oh this is a difficult one. Honestly a lot of them cause pretty significant impairment, and there are debates to be had about whether to prioritize the symptoms that impair functioning or the ones that impair well-being, because they're not always the same. In terms of overall functioning, probably the symptom that impairs me the most is avolition, especially when it comes to daily functioning and taking care of myself. To quote Psych Central, "Avolition is a term used to describe a significant or severe lack of motivation or a pronounced inability to complete purposeful tasks." For me it feels much more like the second part of that definition, an inability to do tasks, rather than just a lack of motivation. I often really want to do the task, at least intellectually speaking, but I feel almost paralyzed and completely unable to. And I'm not talking about hard tasks, I'm talking about spending two hours desperately having to go to the bathroom and being unable to get up to do it, or being hungry and knowing I need to eat dinner but taking four hours before I at last manage to grab some nuts from the cabinet. I have some days where it's barely an issue, and others where doing anything at all feels completely impossible, but most days it's in the middle. There's at least some level of avolition present pretty much every day and it makes it very hard to function in life and is a big part of why I'm currently on disability and why I get so much help from my father with daily life tasks. If left to my own devices there have been times when I would have ended up just completely not doing essential tasks like eating or drinking for dangerously long periods due to avolition.

The other symptom that impairs me the most is the extreme level of fear and paranoia I experience. The terrifying delusional and/or paranoid episodes I have are completely overwhelming and emotionally excruciating, and they destroy my ability to function, to leave the house, to trust people, sometimes to stay physically safe. My serious psychotic episodes come along with a level of terror that is nearly unbearable, and is definitely the most unpleasant aspect of my disorder. I'd take being hungry bc of avolition over extreme terror any day. The fear and delusions also impair me more severely than anything else when they do occur, usually leaving me literally catatonic and/or impulse self harming and/or crying and screaming hysterically. They're less frequent/less of an every day impairment than negative symptoms like avolition, though.

14. Do you usually have some insight when you're actively psychotic?

Oh what a great question! I do now, but it's absolutely a skill I gained over time with the help of therapy. When I had my first break at 15 I had no idea I was psychotic, and looking back on it when I was 16-19 I was pretty heavily psychotic almost all the time and had just no clue. Heck, when I was 16 I made my friend memorize a code phrase that would tell me it was really her in case she was replaced by an imposter and that was just...a normal thing to do to me lmao. I had no idea that that was bizarre and alarming and based in my lifelong struggles with the Capgras delusion. I've worked very hard in therapy though at recognizing delusional thoughts, and at identifying signs that I'm in a psychotic state, such as noticing the colors around me getting brighter, seeing things morph slightly as I look at them, feeling like the world and/or people around me are unreal or imposters, extreme and irrational feelings of fear, physical tics and decline in motor control, becoming easily confused, trouble processing language, etc. When I start to notice these things I know I'm entering a psychotic episode. Also, I mainly deal with the same few recurring delusions, with slight variations, so I recognize them when they show up. And even when I have new ones, my delusions tend to fall pretty far along on the "bizarre" spectrum, so since I'm very aware of my own psychosis and of psychotic disorders in general at this point they're not hard to recognize. That said, even though I have insight now it doesn't mean I'm not just as delusional. I can know that something is a delusion and be 100% convinced that it's true at the exact same time, which is very frustrating honestly. It's progress, and it can make it easier to come out of a delusional state, but it in no way counteracts the psychosis or makes me not believe my delusions even when I know intellectually that they're complete nonsense.

Thank you again for the wonderful questions!

#answers #my post #text post #s tag #psychosis tag

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adamwatchesmovies · 1 year

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The Predator (2018)

While I didn't enjoy this film, that doesn't mean you won't. No matter what I say, the people involved in this project did it: they actually made a movie. That's something to be applauded. With that established...

I gave The Predator a pass the first time. Now, it’s time to accept the sad truth. This film is dreadful. It makes AVP: Requiem look refined and well thought-out. At least the moronically gory crossover didn’t muck up the characters by overcomplicating things. It didn't give us answers to questions we never asked about. If it wasn't clear already, this is easily the worst entry in the "Predator" series.

After encountering an alien armed with advanced stealth technology and high-powered weapons, Quinn McKenna (Boyd Holbrook) goes on the run - knowing the disastrous operation will be covered up, blamed on him, or both. While Dr. Casey Bracket (Olivia Munn) studies the captured extraterrestrial (the titular “Predator”) a second member of the same species arrives on Earth.

The original Predator - the character - was a simple villain. Equipped with cool weapons, big, tough and having a great time hunting down the biggest, toughest men it could find so it could skin them and take choice bits for its trophy room, it was a classic movie villain. We instantly understood everything there was to know about the space born big game hunter. Not content with giving us more of what we like, “The Predator” decides to expand on this in ways you can’t believe anyone would approve.

We learn Predators are actually creatures on a mission: continuously advance themselves by collecting the DNA of the most dangerous species in the galaxy and incorporating their traits into their physiology. Not a bad idea, but does it fit this franchise? “The Predator” clearly shows either through details in the background or dialogue that it is in continuity with the other instalments in the series (well, almost all; I’ll get to that in a bit) so why don’t the Predators have acid blood, razor tails and the xenomorph’s second mouths? Did they look at Ridley Scott’s monsters and say "nah, that would make us TOO good"? and why haven’t they changed physically since 1987? Before you mention those new-looking predators in Nimród Antal’s Predators understand that this film probably isn't in-continuity with it, as the monsters in this movie do have big hunting "hounds" but they look NOTHING like the ones we saw in 2010.

The Predator wants to explore multiple conflicting ideas simultaneously, and fails miserably. It pokes fun at elements of the original by reinventing or giving new meaning to old catchphrases. It points out that “The Predator” isn’t really a description of what the titular aliens do on our planet. It sticks in a bunch of Easter eggs reminding you of your favourite moments from years gone by. Rather than conjured up warm memories, this reminds us of other movies we'd rather be watching. Jake Busey plays Sean Keyes, the son of Peter Keyes (play by Busey’s father in Predator 2) but he serves no purpose in this movie, whatsoever.

The Predator wants to both celebrate those who suffer from Autism, Tourette’s syndrome, and other tic disorders, It also uses them as punchlines. Quinn becomes the leader of a rag-tag group of military misfits, each of which is essentially Shane Black’s character from Predator. In small doses, he provided some of the biggest laughs of the 1987 film. Multiplied by six? You can’t wait for them to be turned to hamburger meat.

Each of these flaws shows us the people at the wheel had a plan. A plan someone should've shut down before production even began. The definitive proof lies in the picture’s conclusion. It throws all of its characters together in a big mashup so fast and confusing you probably missed a key character’s death. It has the kind of twists that will make you groan and the ending is dumb but at least it’s over… until a second, last-minute reveal. Someone thought the audience would be extatic and that we'd all be rushing to the action figure aisle to buy some toys. Thank goodness a follow-up is never going to happen.

1987's Predator was a straightforward film with some cool twists along the way. The Predator should’ve been a fairly easy follow-up but director Shane Black and his co-writer Fred Dekker messed it up - big time. (April 13, 2019)

#The Predator #Predator #movies #films #movie reviews #film reviews #Shane Black #Fred Dekker #Boyd Holbrook #Trevante Rhodes #Jacob Tremblay #Keegan-Michael Key #Olivia Munn #Thomas Jane #Alfie Allen #sterling k. brown #2018 movies #2018 films

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idontreallywanadotheworktoday · 1 year

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I posted 323 times in 2022

That's 173 more posts than 2021!

57 posts created (18%)

266 posts reblogged (82%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@sardonic-the-writer

@its-ticsticstics

@idontreallywanadotheworktoday

@famouslysleepy

@meloncalic

I tagged 126 of my posts in 2022

#crompson's real life - 35 posts

#markiplier - 18 posts

#wilford warfstache - 13 posts

#iswm - 12 posts

#crompsons real life - 12 posts

#camp olympia - 9 posts

#clp - 9 posts

#in space with markiplier - 7 posts

#darkiplier - 7 posts

#markiplier egos - 6 posts

Longest Tag: 85 characters

#i showed one to my mom and now when i mess up speaking she calls it a skrittle moment

My Top Posts in 2022:

Ok you know what I don't get? How NT people look at people with tics like we're either A. Free entertainment, B. The fucking scum of the earth, or C. Some weird mix of the 2. Earlier this year, when my tics were getting worse, I was told "can you just shut up?" Like I wish I could, I started crying in the school bathroom over it (tmi?) But literally in the last couple of weeks all of a sudden I was entertaining and they would PURPOSELY TRIGGER MY TICS (the ones they know) and I almost had a tic attack because of them. Like I wish I could let them live with tics for a day, see how exhausting and frustrating it is...

23 notes - Posted June 8, 2022

I made a little headcanons oh some of the Markiplier Egos (and Anti) about what kind of dog they are. Hope y'all like it

Mark: Beagle- Beagle's are very friendly and sociable, and seeing as Mark was just talking about being an intern and collarbone more would line up with the Beagle's innate nature and personality. They would probably have a Black Tan and Bluetick coloration.

Darkiplier: Belgian Malinois (I actually have one of these)- Malinois aren't the most sociable, I feel like this shows how Dark doesn't always play nice with the other Ego's. Malinois are often confused with German Shepherds. I feel like because people do sometimes treat Anti and Dark as similar characters, they would be Malinois and Shepherd, respectfully. Dark would maybe be a Grey Sable coloration.

Antisepticeye: German Shepherd- German shepherds are like Malinois (see above) however, they are more sociable than the Malinois. Again, because Malinois and Shepherd's are often confused with each other, I made Dark and Anti those breeds.

Wilford: Siberian Husky- I mainly chose this for the vocalism of them, seeing how Wilford does have a very unique way of talking, along with the fact that he seems like he needs a purpose, and without it, he tends to destroy things to keep himself busy, like Huskies do. He would be the standard Agouti and White coloration.

Engineer: Golden Retriever- Golden Retrievers are VERY Sociable. Very good with strangers and friends alike. This is a trait Engineer has, I mean, look at most of their interactions. They love the Crew and Captain, like how Golden's Love their owners. Not to mention Golden's look and act sweet but they can have a mean streak as well. And both of them are down for pretty much anything. He would be a basic Golden coloration

Yancy: Great Dane (I also have one of these)- A lot of people that don't own Great Danes often think that because of their size, they are dangerous. Maybe this is just me, but I totally thought Yancy was going to kill me after the musical number. But, Like Great Danes, he's kind of just a big sweetheart. He gives very Fawn with Black Mask Coloration energy

Actor: Rough Haired Collie- Collies are very Show off dogs, more rough than Smooth haired ones. Rough Haired Collies have longer hair and are the ones you see more often. I mean, look at Actor, he is also very show-offish. They are moderately sociable, and so is Actor, Look at how he treats other people on set as opposed to his friends in WKM. He'd be a Sable coloration.

Illinois: Australian Shepherd- very outgoing and work oriented, calm under pressure, and is very intelligent, much like Illinois is. They are very playful, while still being able to get jobs done, and they are pretty adaptable. He would be a Blue Merle coloration.

Google: Akita- Akita's DO NOT like interacting with strangers, people or dogs. They're very independent, much like Google is, but they will listen to their owners at any given time (Google IRL anyone?) They often need a job, just Like Google does when he's not plotting the downfall of Mankind. He would be a Silver, Black Overlay as his coloration.

45 notes - Posted August 15, 2022

??????

90 notes - Posted August 19, 2022

I meant to post this a while ago and glad I didn't because of the AF:CB thing, but here

375 notes - Posted November 6, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

2,009 notes - Posted June 18, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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elven-writing · 1 year

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Pinned Post!

Here's all the information you'll need to navigate my dumpster fire of a blog! This post is pretty long, sorry!

Created: 12/03/2022

Last Updated: 02/08/2024

DNI (turned out longer than I expected, I may have over-explained. Oh well):

Bigots of any kind (bigotry towards terfs is okay because honestly fuck them.) THIS INCLUDES: Homophobia, Biphobia, Transphobia, any kind of hatred AT ALL towards ANY group within the LGBTQ+ community, Nazism, Anti-Semitism, Racism, Sexism, Ableism, Ageism, Xenophobia, Islamophobia, etc.

Any one under the age of 13. If you're under 13, you really shouldn't be on tumblr, but I can't control people's kids, so idc. If I find out you're under 13 and interacting with my blog, I will block you at bare minimum until you're 14.

NSFW blogs. While I say my blog is recommended for 16+, that does NOT mean I allow NSFW content of ANY KIND. My blog is 16+ for LANGUAGE and OCCASIONAL MATURE THEMES, not for NSFW content. (This was a lie, I'm a liar, there will be occasional hornyposts)

Assholes. I get that everyone has their own opinion, but if you start harassing me or any of my mutuals/followers, you WILL be blocked immediately. I may be a bit of an asshole sometimes, but I don't go out of my way to attack people for no reason. I will uphold everyone else around these parts to the same standards.

Trumpies/MAGAs/Far-right Conservatives. I'm all for political freedom, but I don't want any of those kinds around for safety and personal reasons. Also, refer to Bullet Point Number Four for further information on why I don't want Trumpies around here.

Religious nuts. Practice your religion however you please, I'm all for it. If you want, you can POLITELY educate me and anyone else who is okay with it about your religion. I'm taking a World Religions class and am very open to learning about other peoples' faiths. HOWEVER, if somebody says to shut up about religion, SHUT UP ABOUT RELIGION. If your only purpose is to tell people about "The Word of God" or whatever, GTFO. DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, use religion as a tool for hate, or use someone else's religion as a tool for hatred.

People who can't take a joke. I (and many others on this site) am a sarcastic sunnuvabitch, and cannot take time to account for EVERYONE'S feelings towards EVERY subject. I will do my best to use tone indicators (I forget sometimes) but do not get md if I don't. If it bothers you, leave. If I say something that offends you, let me know in my DMs and I'll work it out with you as best I can.

About me:

My name is Ozzie, I'm 18 years old, and I use He/They or E/Em pronouns. I'm still figuring out my gender identity, so I use the term transmasc for now. I'm demiromantic and bisexual. I am in a polyamorous relationship with my partners who I am absolutely enamored with and cannot shut up about. I have ADHD, MDD, and ASD. I also have uncontrollable tics (most likely caused by medications I was taking) but that doesn't really affect stuff online. I like dad jokes, animals (if you have pictures or facts about animals, I'd love to hear them!), art, music, and writing. I'm into video games like Minecraft, Pokemon, Animal Crossing, and some others I can't think of right now (mainly open-world, chill games.) My favorite movie is The Princess Bride (shut up, it's a classic) and I love horror movies.

What to expect:

I have absolutely no idea. Hope for the best, expect the worst, I guess. Seriously though, most of this blog is me saying dumb shit, me reblogging other people's art and absolutely going apeshit over how amazing it is, and me reblogging random shit I see because I have no shame. Probably a lot of Skeleton War nonsense, because fuck you, that's why. Also Goncharov. Lots of Goncharov.

Have fun suffering, my fellow losers!

-Ozzie <3

#intro post #pinned post #long af #boring bullshit i wrote because it's nearly one am and i'm bored lmao

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no-vamos · 8 months

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Heyo welcome back to novas endless pining. We’re about 5 weeks into school and a new crush has emerged(!!!!) unfortunately said crush is in the year beneath me despite being older than one of my friends in my grade. How M is in my grade despite being born in late September is so funny to me. Current crush CB is four months younger than me.

I think what’s weird about this crush is that it’s mostly induced by myself but most of it is just genuine curiosity about him. I feel like I know very little about him and I find it hard to read him. He’s super analytical and very careful about what he says, not necessarily in a kind way but more in a… self preservation way? I can’t tell if that’s a turnoff or not bc so far one of the things that’s really attractive about him to me is his arrogance. Ikik that sounds so strange but it’s honestly kinda attractive. I like a man who knows his worth.

So, he’s in my youth group, which is how I mainly interact with him. I’m currently really desperate to get to know him bc I wanna know what makes him tic. All last year he would just sit in the corner of the myf room and observe, but he would mainly stare at me. Or, I think he would. It’s hard to monitor where someone is looking when they mostly look at you, if that makes sense.

Anyways we had church retreat this past weekend and oh boy did I take the opportunity to try to corner this boy. Unfortunately he didn’t come until Saturday afternoon/night bc he had a cross country meet which made me super antsy. Anywyas when he did get there, he mostly hung out with S and I like normal, but somehow and I don’t actually remember how, I managed to get S and CB to come with me to go get my stuff from where I had been staying the night before. I mostly pestered S on the way there bc technically I’m closer with S than CB but on the way back I made CB hold my pillow and he didn’t complain??? He could’ve said no. In fact they didn’t have to come with me at all. Prior I had said like “bye” as they walked away bc I was waiting for another friend to get her stuff and S and CB just came back and I offered if they’d like to come with me to get my stuff and CB was like “sure” which is basically yes in his terms.

THEN I kinda hung out with their trio and eventually played this game with CB and some other MYF kids and I kinda purposely plonked myself next to him bc duh I wanna be closer to him but I had the excuse of my brother being right next to him so it was fine. Then omg this was fun I kinda pestered him the whole game about not trusting me and seeing him like smirk and try not to smile at me was just akajfbsjoaid. At some point I was pestering him about… something I don’t exactly remember and he was like “well I’m trying to formulate my thoughts so people don’t make decision based on them” or something like that and idk that was kinda hot bc I was pestering him about how the later it got the more he talked (but I was trying to make it out to be that he was talkative bc he was lying about not being it bc I knew who was it bc *i* was it lol)

Then in the morning we made “awkward” eye contact bc I had been up at ass o’clock in the morning and he had been woken up by my cousin kicking him in the head. Either way it was funny I made fun of him later about it. And then prior to lunch, our group was working on a puzzle and I was making small talk and also pestering him again and our youth pastor came up and this like sent butterflies into my stomach bc CB and I are going back and forth and our youth pastor goes “ha! Look at the way he’s trying not to smile” or something along the lines of “ha you’re trying so hard not to smile” and like ????? He was talking to me so he was trying not to show that he liked talking to me???? Was that it??? Idk but the butterflies man

Then when we were actually standing in line for lunch we’re talking about school and stuff and I’m explaining why I don’t like classes with this particular teacher that he really likes and stuff and he goes “well most people who don’t like his classes don’t like doing the work” and I’m like “ouch that makes me sound like a bad person” and he goes “well youre an exception” and of course I want to believe that he said that bc he genuinely thinks I’m smart and not bc i showed disappointment at being perceived like that by him.

also fun times, he sit across from me in choir, like directly across, bc for some reason the basses and sopranos face each other, and i was half poking fun at him always staring at me, and he got all like half defensive about how "theres no where else to look" which i mentally called bullshit bc im not always staring at him, but i like making funny faces at him across the room.

honestly i can talk so much about him but idk if id want to date him. another reason i like him so much is bc hed be both religious and financial security for me. were both mennonite and hes planning on becoming an architect, which all in all is a pretty well paying career. so thats attractive as well. physically, not to intentionally size shame, hes a bit more of the skinner side, but hes also 17 and a runner. im not necessarily skinny and ive learnt having so's that make being skinny a big thing about themselves makes me super insecure. hes definitely still growing into himself, but i do think hes more attractive than last year imo. part of me would like to go to banquet with him but i think id still want to go alone. idk where hes planning on going for college but im aiming for out of state so that puts me at distance.

anyways just wanted to debrief some crush thoughts

#crush thoughts #idk #i think im just bored #hes interesting #and smart #somehow i find arrogance atteactive rn #probably due to the fact my last bf was #not the confident

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that-was-anticlimactic · 3 years

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reki with tourette’s headcanons

[ID: it’s reki from sk8 the infinity wearing a yellow sweatshirt with his hands on his hips. he’s wearing a red bracelet on his right wrist and he’s smiling. behind him is a touette’s syndrome awareness flag. end ID.]

so. @zukkaclawthorne got me hooked on reki with ts and now imma post headcanons i wrote oops

okay so first—that little skateboard he plays with??? stim toy, actually.

he likes the sound the wheels make—that whirrrrrr sound. it makes his arms flappy :)

he also finds the rolling motion soothing and relaxing and it always calms him down—it takes his mind to a happy place

he rocks back and forth and shakes his legs a lot. that also contributed to why he was terrible at skateboarding the first few times he tried—because his body would be like “time to rock back and forth!” and it would mess him up

neck twitches for days :)

no but for real—neck twitching is one of his worst tics because sometimes—if he’s in a bad mood or if he’s sad or anxious—it gets harsh and violent and really strains his neck.

so, langa gives him neck / upper back neck massages to help with the pain

he went through this phase for a couple of months where whenever his neck would twitch, he would snap his fingers two times.

he has a lot of hand tics which can be stressful when he makes skateboards because sometimes he’ll be in the groove and then suddenly he’ll mess something up

speaking of messing things up, he has a tendency to dig the bottom of his palm into his forehead whenever he feels like he does something stupid—he doesn’t even realize it until someone points it out.

he feels like even more of a failure of a skater because of his tics because they can hold him back and make the course more dangerous.

if his blinking tic resurfaces, sometimes the blinking gets so intense that he literally cannot see for anywhere between five seconds and a minute depending on how bad it is. that is how he got some of his worst scars.

or sometimes he’ll make a really aggressive hand motion and it throws him off balance on the skateboard due to the intensity

anyways back to hand tics: he points a lot and does symbols like the “rock on” sign or certain numbers (for some reason, the most common number for reki to throw up is four—though sometimes he throws up whatever number he hears) he also grunts a lot as a tic so he sounds angry even when he is’t.

sometimes, his hand tics really hurt and his hands become shaky and his fingers start to feel the way his heart feels when he’s anxious. langa helps in different ways—he holds reki’s hand, he gives him something to fidget with to try to distract him (sometimes it’s his own fingers—he’ll just set them in reki’s palm and be like “let me carry some of the pain”—no, reki didn’t totally cry when he said that what)

sometimes, reki sticks pencils in his ears. his teachers have been trying to stop it since he was young, but he always did it anyways—he couldn’t help it.

his hair is also long enough for him to chew on. yes, he chews on the tips of his hair because i say so. sometimes, to stop him from doing that (and from swallowing his own hair), langa will try to make him laugh so it falls out of his mouth and then he’ll scoot close and tuck the hair behind reki’s ears… once they start dating, he kisses him too. but also that’s one reason why he wears the headband—to try to keep his hair out of his face so he doesn’t chew on it.

reki’s favorite form of stimming (other than his skateboard toy, that is) is stress balls. he’s got a couple of stress balls in his room or backpack—even one with string attached so he can carry it around his wrist. he just really likes the texture of them.

after his second race against adam, cherry and joe were so proud of him and also impressed and worried dads that they bought reki a big stress ball, like, the size of a stuffed animal. it was a blue cat. he uses it all the time.

speaking of fricking adam, we all know he would so use reki’s tics against him during a race. like, when he grabbed his wrist and “danced” with him, he would mock reki’s tics or say creepy things about how his verbal tics are music and his motor tics are him dancing along and it makes him so uncomfortable and like even more shaken

oh and adam purposely does things to trigger his tics, like when i mentioned that number tic??? yeah, adam will purposefully say numbers to make reki do the hand gestures

one time, reki wanted to tell langa that he loved him but got nervous so he signed it in sign language instead. but, since reki’s tics are occasionally hand gestures, langa thought that it was just a tic and mentally was like “i wish that was for me…” and reki is like “i wish he knew it was real…” and joe, cherry, shadow, and miya are all facepalming and groaning at their obliviousness

reki prefers taking hand written notes to electronic notes because he draws / doodles to stim and he can’t really doodle well on a laptop. so, he’ll doodle in class all of the time

sometimes, his pictures / notes turn out pretty bad / illegible depending on how bad his tics are, but that doesn’t phase reki. it used to when he was younger, but it doesn’t bother him at all anymore. in fact, he thinks it adds personality

during class, he’ll draw pictures for langa and slid them on his desk. they’re usually really random things like the teacher or the back of someone’s head or squiggly lines or whatever he sees outside. more often than not, it’s abstract art. langa loves these drawings and he keeps them all on his desk in his room.

reki also started drawing pictures for the rest of the sk8 crew and gives it to them during races. when he gave everyone their first doodle, he was like “i’m not the best artist ever and sometimes my tics mess up the doodle, but i thought of you while i drew it so i want you to have it”

(shadow didn’t shed a couple of unwilling dad tears when he got home that night what)

anyways, they all keep them. every single one. miya puts them in their school binder so they don’t feel as alone / isolated at school.

although shadow and miya give reki a lot of crap / teasing about not being as good as everyone else, the second they hear anyone comment about “the weird red head that makes noises” and comments on his ts in a negative way, oh, they will stop you.

sometimes, reki whispers words he hears under his breath as a tic (echolalia, baby~) and when he overhears people saying stuff about “that redhead that always follows snow around” or about him not being good enough or how he’s an idiot to face adam, he ends up muttering that too. and it’s not a one and done kind of thing—like. he does it for days. it makes him so upset (and i already hc him, with depression so it just makes it worse)

having tics while having injuries is not a good combination—especially if it’s with a broken arm. the crew made sure to keep an eye of reki’s comfort / pain level after adam broke his arm and literally tried to kill him in their final race. joe let reki squeeze his hand whenever he felt the urge to tic and cherry would ask him how much pain he was in after he ticced and depending on how bad it would be, would make joe or shadow fetch a heating pad or an icepack for reki.

joe also taught reki about the magical thing called physical therapy tape and helped him put it on his shoulders, neck, and back one time. it was his idea to use the tape on reki’s fingers when he was injured to make him feel better (because it literally makes my fingers feel better)

also langa kisses each of reki’s fingers and knuckles, slowly and tenderly, soft so he doesn’t hurt him or trigger a tic. a way of showing that he loves him not despite his tics, but even with his tics and that he loves him and his tics.

cherry isn’t always the best at showing he cares, so he’ll wear a ts ribbon sometimes in a way to show support (and it makes reki beam)

shadow once gave reki a flower shaped stress ball because there were “extra at work” (not true—he went looking for one)

miya didn’t really know much about ts at first and asked why reki made those noises and made weird movements all the time and langa explained so then that night when miya got home, they did research on ts so they could understand it better. later, they told reki that whenever they called him a slime, they meant it purely about skateboarding and it had nothing to do with his tics—even that his tics didn’t make him less of a skater

all his life, reki had been the different one: the one no one wanted on the team because sometimes his tics messed him up, the one who was asked to leave classes during tests because his tics were too distracting and made him take the test in the hall, when sometimes he’d get too overwhelmed by how close people were in the halls or at races and would have panic attacks, how he rocked in his chair and adjusted his position seventeen times an hour and sat on his feet while the other kids didn’t, how he shook his legs more aggressively than others, how he couldn’t skate as well as everyone else because of his tics and because he wasn’t good enough

which is probably part of the depression that weighs on his shoulders

the first time reki had a panic attack during a race due to closeness and overstimulating noises (and this is the first one after the sk8 crew happened) langa was racing and wasn’t there to help, so shadow kind of panicked and like picked him up under the armpits and carried him away from the crowd since reki could barely process anything other than panic and the sound and feeling of static and they sat in shadow’s car for the rest of the race and once he felt better, he gave shadow a huge hug and shadow returned it.

one time it happened and cherry was nearby and he saw the signs before it got bad (remembered from the previous time / his own experiences) and helped talk reki down before it got bad (he has a soothing voice)

usually, though, when / if it happens (because reki usually feels safe there), langa is the one who helps

but it got so much worse after skating against adam the first time because he no longer felt safe and suddenly everyone cheering adam’s name even after witnessing what he did to reki was too much but langa was racing adam so langa wasn’t there and this time it was joe who kneeled in front of him and started talking just loud enough for reki to hear and he was like “you’re safe—we won’t let anyone hurt you. we won’t let him hurt langa. you’re safe. i’m here and so is cherry and shadow and miya and langa will be waiting for you at the end of the race…”

it happens again at the next race he goes to—and this time it’s miya who notices and they tug on langa’s sleeve and is like “i think you need to take reki somewhere else” and langa does :)

okay i’ll end on a positive ts note or two—langa asks reki to add the ts ribbon to the design on his skateboard

shadow finds chewelry at the store one day when he’s shopping and buys it for reki (and gets a matching one for langa!)

once reki came back after his mental health break, the first thing joe said to him was, and this is nonnegotiable “reki! i missed you and your tics!”

miya once overheard reki muttering to himself about his annoying tics were, so they intervened and was like “your tics aren’t annoying. they’re you and anyone who think s they’re annoying is an idiot”

and for the first time in his life, reki doesn’t feel alone and isolated and so different from everyone (at least, he’s working on that last one) and he’s finally found a group of people who want him on their team and a boyfriend who always supports him and makes him feel less isolated, tics and all <3

i uhh I have a lot of feelings,,,

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tourettesbabe · 2 years

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hi ! hope youre well :)

so, im 20, and i started developing tics when i was 18 (i fit all the diagnostic criteria for tourette's, except that my tics developed once i was 18 instead of before). i spoke to my psychiatrist about it but he didn't suggest anything along the lines of a diagnosis, just said it might be my medication (we tried changing that and it wasnt it), and then kind of left it at "tics are strange, let's see what happens"

ive been kind of nervous of asking him for an actual diagnosis because it seems like he doesn't know a huge amount about tics, and i don't really feel like i need an official diagnosis (unless it's necessary for accommodations but i havent even started looking into those yet).

basically, i wanted to ask if you think it's okay for me to say i have tourette's? i do genuinely think i have tourette's, i've seen studies talking about how the DSM-5 might be outdated and adult-onset tourette's is a thing, but also it's just easier to say i have tourette's to people than try and explain that i have tics but i don't know exactly what it is and i don't have a diagnosis.

also slightly unrelated, but i haven't told a lot of people because my tics are often not noticeable (especially if i suppress them), and i feel really anxious telling anyone who's known me for a while bc im worried they'll think im faking since they havent seen me tic before.. if you have any advice on that its much appreciated

sorry this was so long- completely understandable if you don't have energy or can't respond! <3

Hey Nonnie! First of all, I'm honored that you'd message me for advice. Thank you for being so sweet as well -- I am doing well, thank you. Now, I'm definitely not an expert, but I can give you my two cents!

While it is true that the official DSM-5 diagnosis for Tourette's requires the person to have been ticcing since before the age of 18, you're also right in saying there is some discourse about whether or not that is completely accurate. Adult-onset tic disorders are a thing, and they can happen for a variety of reasons. IMO, if you fit all the other criteria like you said, it's probably Tourette's. It's also the most well-known tic disorder, so many people will understand what it means (though they may also have some inaccurate ideas about swearing and the like.)

I will say that there are many kinds of tic disorders, and many reasons why tics could be happening. If you're sure you have Tourette's, then I'd say it's fine to say that. But if you're not, I'd just stick with telling people you have a tic disorder. If they ask questions about the diagnosis, just tell them it's currently unspecified. What's most important is that you have tics, not the label.

You know yourself better than anyone else, including your doctor, your family, your friends, etc. So, although an official diagnosis can be useful, don't feel bad about labeling it for yourself. Even if it turns out to be something else, if the label is serving a purpose for you now, or if it helps others to understand you, then I don't see a problem with it.

Getting a diagnosis can be intimidating, but if it's important to you then you need to be confident! Like I said, you know yourself better than anyone else. You need to advocate for yourself and be persistent. If your psychiatrist doesn't know much about tics, ask him if he can find out some more information to help you out, or even present him with your own findings! But, again, if you don't need accommodations and it's not affecting you too much, you may not need an official diagnosis. It's your life, and your tics.

If you do go on the diagnosis route and he isn't giving you the answers/help you need, never be afraid to seek out a second opinion! There are specialists who are trained specifically to diagnose tic disorders, which may be more helpful to you. That's how I got diagnosed when I was young.

As for telling people, in my personal experience I've found it usually goes pretty well. My tics aren't very noticeable either, so when I do tell a friend they usually say they never would have known, but nobody has ever accused me of lying or anything like that. In fact, most of the time they are interested in learning more and want to ask me questions about my tics and experiences, which I am always excited to do.

I don't know your family, so I'll try to cover my bases here... If you have the kind of parent or sibling who might try to say that they know you too well to not have noticed, try and remind them that the tics are subtle and that you may have been suppressing them. Tics can be very easy to miss when someone isn't looking for them, even when they seem obvious to you. Also tell them that it's a very recent thing (and if they question the possibility/legitimacy of that, definitely pull out the receipts lol -- articles, webpages, anything you need to). It could also go just the same as I said with friends. If anyone is particularly uptight about it, don't tolerate it. You are not faking, and anyone who thinks you are needs to get educated.

Also know that you don't NEED to tell people if you don't want to. Even your closest friend or family member is not entitled to your personal medical information if you are not comfortable with sharing it. And, if it's subtle enough that they haven't noticed yet, then they may not notice unless you bring it up. It's up to you who to tell and who not to tell.

Now, I don't know if this has been your mindset in any way, but I definitely would not recommend suppressing tics in order to avoid questions from those close to you. Your comfort is more important than theirs here!!! Ticcing is a natural thing and it is happening for a reason, listen to your body and let it do what it needs to do. I honestly would recommend never suppressing at all, but I understand that it can feel embarrassing or like everyone is looking at you, especially in public. However, in my experience, people don't really notice (even after they know about the tics if they are subtle). I want to remind you though that there is nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about in ticcing.

I hope this helped you, if you have any more questions or need clarification on anything feel free to send another anon or DM my way. I've linked some extra resources below that might help. Good luck on your journey, I know you can do it!!! :)

Resources:

CDC's Page on Tourette's

CDC's Page on Diagnosing Tic Disorders

Tourette Association: What Is Tourette

Tourette Association: Diagnosis

NCBI's Article on Adult-onset Tic Disorders

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justiceleaque · 3 years

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Hey Leaque! I know you watched the new Justice League movie and I was around when you were doing the very first DC movie reviews back in the day. I would absolutely love a review of this one if you have the time :)

i've been a fan of Snyder's universe from day 1 so i understand this might be considered an off-balance review already, but i want to note that i didn't come in wanting the film to be good or willing to see it as good despite actual impressions. i wanted to watch it as the Justice League movie i was supposed to get back in 2017, the same one i was willing to not watch for years if it meant Zack Snyder got to finish his vision even later down the line

i was actually as neutral as i could possibly get because at this point i don't have any real emotional involvement in whether this version of the DCEU continues or not. WB execs have done some fucked up things with the treatment of the cast/ray fisher, so i take this as Snyder's DC trilogy and nothing more (which makes it bittersweet for me but that's a different topic)

heavy spoilers follow

it's incredibly comic book-like. i remember typing the exact same words back in the Dawn of Justice days: it doesn't read as a superhero film a la Marvel but as a comic book film. each frame could be a realistically painted comic book frame; the dialogues would fit freakishly well if they had to fit speech bubbles. the damn scene overlaps and changes are heavily reminiscent of a comic book. better yet: of a Justice League comic book. if you’re familiar with comic book events where big things happen and it affects everyone, this is how this reads

it’s a heavy film but it’s not hopeless. i’ve been seeing reviews pop-up already: “ZS’s Justice League film is twice as longe and twice as hopeless” is the maybe verbatim title of most articles. the one thing i kept thinking throughout these four hours is how much hope this is filled with. we’re dealing with a post-superman world that was shaken by the loss of a beloved superhero and you see batman, the #1 comic book superhero known for brooding and darkness and all things sad and bad, be the loudest, most hopeful person in the film, trying to get a team together to save the world, and later on being two steps from literally screaming that bringing back superman is what should happen no matter the cost because of his faith and hope in winning. did we watch the same film?

in the same vein, the 4 hours seem like a stretch until you realize each part has an actual purpose that introduces or ties in important aspects related to the film’s one purpose: take down Steppenwolf and Darkseid. i don’t believe any scene was wasted on useless information. it can get tiring in the way watching a shot tv series gets tiring: it does NOT get boring at any point

such wonderful character arcs. seeing each of the team’s personalities and quirks, the way they clash with each other, the way it makes it all work so goddamn beautifully. the way they click because they just keep interacting so much? Whedon’s cut didn’t give me a team, it gave me five different people in costume that were forced to sort of work in the same vicinity as each other. Snyder’s cut gave me a version of the Justice League that worked so flawlessly together by the end of the film it felt like a dance. felt like comic book page spreads

right before the epilogue they all pose together in the rising dawn, clark included, having won. super reminiscent of the JL cartoon intro. i cried a bit

J’ONN J’ONZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DO YOU KNOW THE AMOUNT OF SPECULATION ABOUT GENERAL SWANWICK BEING THE MARTIAN MANHUNTER BACK WHEN MAN OF STEEL WAS RELEASED???? VINDICATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

listen to me. i need to make this clear. listen. j’onn. j’onny boy. the way he’s designed and cgi’d..........the adorable frown............the kind smile......................his obvious need to make others feel better and to simply help......................i love him

his interaction with bruce only comes in the end and it’s super brief but seeing those two still not know how the hell each other works even in film format is hilarious. bruce having accepted aliens and magic and shit is the new norm after like 20 years of only having to deal with the joker attempting to rob neon green hair dyes or some shit is so much bigger of a character development than i ever expected, especially coming from BvS where he’s just a stupid fat-bat-carrying onion

i wasn’t a big fan of Suicide Squad’s joker portrayal but we get to see him at the end of the film while we’re seeing a possible future where lois lane has died and superman is best friends with darkseid playing tic-tac-antilife equation. Snyder somehow managed to turn jared leto into a disgustingly legit comic-faithful joker. dont’ ask me how

in the same scene they mention jason and his death

: - (

we see a few bits of some green lanterns in some scenes, one from the past and one from a possible ultra dark and edgy darkseid future. still convinced bruce simply willingly did not go looking for hal, which, fair

they cut out the fish joke bruce tells arthur when they first meet which immediately turns the whole film into a 1/10 for me

ben affleck’s bruce wayne and batman continue being my favorite on-screen batman iteration to date. we finally move from the usual dark lone soldier version Hollywood is relentlessly giving us into one that belongs with the Justice League. incredibly heartwarming to see

there’s a scene when the JL are first assaulting Steppenwolf’s base and they’re all fighting parademons and shit and there’s a moment where you see batman fighting the Space SWAT From Hell alone and the way he moves? the way he flows from one position to another and another like i’m watching a damn comic book animation????????? sir????????????????????

barry allen saved them

like, literally, barry allen saved them. superman was back and everyone was ready to dance one final time and they were all going ‘steppenwolf fucking SUCKS’ and steppenwolf was crying to darkseid and then the motherboxes did their thing and they all were obliterated into star dust and then barry allen was like ‘bitch i told you i need FRIENDS’ and turned back time and now they’re all okay again :o)

darkseid @ batman through his magic spacetime portal: i’m gonna get your ass one day soon and take you back in time and you’re gonna eventually bring about the end of the world by having every dark twisted batman invade your universe because you inspired them

batman:

batman: i haven’t read Rebirth bro

i know i’m forgetting stuff but that’s the gist. hands down one of the best comic book film experiences i’ve ever had. with an aside to barry allen being more of a mix of barry and wally, everyone feels incredibly faithful to the source material. also batman definitely killed like, at least 400 parademons in one night, but pest control doesn’t count

(like. he straight up obliterates them)

(pulls out a batbazuka on them)

(amazing)

#Anonymous #asks #zack snyder's justice league #zack snyder's justice league spoilers #JL spoilers #justice league spoilers #/ long post

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