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hopeymchope · 5 months

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Naegiri One-Shot: Lyrical - "What Can You Lose?"

Lyrical - What Can You Lose? on AO3

Lyrical - What Can You Lose? on Fanfiction.Net

Summary: Late one night, Makoto Naegi is pacing the halls of Hope's Peak when he hears someone playing the piano in the Music Room. Upon investigating, he eventually learns that he and Kaede Akamatsu are being kept awake by similar struggles.

Intro Note: Happy Naegiri Week 2023, everybody. The story below (under the cut) takes place in the "Ultimate Talent Development Plan" timeline where the cast of V3 is the 79th Class of Hope's Peak.

I hope you don't mind taking your Naegiri with a side dose of Saimatsu...

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In the Music Room at Hope's Peak Academy, Kaede Akamatsu was seated at the piano with her eyes closed. She was playing a slow, somber-sounding piece of music without looking at the sheet propped up in front of her. And she was so focused on what she was playing that she didn't notice when the door to the room opened.

Makoto Naegi cleared his throat loudly, which got the desired reaction from Kaede. She stopped playing immediately and spun around to see him standing by the door, gently shutting it behind him.

Kaede blushed, thrown off by the visitor. "Oh!"she said. "Uh, h-hi, Naegi-senpai! I-I was-"

"Sorry if I'm interrupting," Makoto said, smiling politely. "I just heard the music, and I-"

"-Wondered who was playing the piano at this hour?" Kaede finished, smiling back as she attempted to regain her composure.

"Of course I suspected it'd be you, Akamatsu-san," Makoto told her. "You're the first person that comes to mind when I hear the piano playing in here. But also because that music didn't sound something Maizono-san or Mioda-senpai would play. Compared to their tastes, this sounded far softer and a lot... well, sadder."

Kaede beamed when she responded. "You're right about that. It's a piece by Stephen Sondheim - he was a famous American lyricist and composer. He wrote the music for a lot of famous Broadway shows like Into the Woods and Sweeney Todd. Plus he did the lyrics for West Side Story and Gypsy." She began to speak faster, her eyes lighting up. "He has so many awards and so much respect that theater musicians call him a god of the industry, and he was an incredible jazz-style pianist, too! Oscar Hammerstein was a surrogate father to him and mentored him, so he was brought up by one of the all-time greats in musical theater, surrounded by the most extraordin-... uh, extraordinary... "

She cut herself off and closed her eyes. After a deep breath, she said "Sorry" in a soft voice. "I can get carried away when it comes to music."

"Don't be sorry," Makoto told her. "I love your passion. It's awesome — admirable, even! Besides, trust me: I know how easy it is to get worked up when you really feel gung-ho about something."

Kaede regarded him skeptically. "I realize I don't know you that well, senpai, but... I somehow have a hard time picturing you getting 'worked up' or 'gung-ho.' What brings that out in you?"

He glanced sideways and laughed a little. "I suppose what mostly gets me going is unfairness? As in, things that feel... unjust."

"Well, the song I was just playing is from a movie that might be up your alley, then," Kaede said with a grin. "It's an American film based on a 1930s comic strip from their newspapers - Dick Tracy."

Makoto shrugged. "Can't say I'm familiar."

"It's about this old-fashioned, good-hearted detective who always follows the rules even as he goes up against all these weird, grotesque gangsters who break every law in the city," Kaede told him. "Sondheim didn't work on many movies, but he won an Oscar for his work on Dick Tracy."

"It's about a detective, huh?" Makoto said, looking up at the ceiling. He blinked a couple of times, thinking to himself before he returned his attention to Kaede. "So why does the song sound so sad?"

"Oh, right" Kaede said, sounding as if she only now remembered him observing that earlier. "Well, it's called What Can You Lose, and it's about this character whose been carrying feelings for someone else for a while, but he doesn't know if they've noticed or cared. He's trying to figure out whether he should just tell her."

Makoto face momentarily appeared shocked. But after the shock passed, his expression became determined. "I see," he said. "Would you play it for me?"

Kaede smiled gratefully. "Of course! Although I have to admit it loses something without the accompanying lyrics."

Rubbing his chin with one hand, Makoto pushed to add, "Then could you sing it, too?"

"Wha-what?!" Kaede blurted through sudden laughter. "I'm... I'm not much of a singer! Besides, it's designed as a duet."

"You're being modest," Makoto suggested sympathetically.

"I'm not!" Kaede responded emphatically.

Makoto chuckled to himself again "This duet - do you mean it has parts for both a guy and a girl?"

"Yes... "

"Then I'll do the male vocals," Makoto suggested, smiling warmly. "I'm not any good either, so you should feel more comfortable that way."

As he moved to stand behind and to the side of her spot on the piano bench, Kaede looked befuddled. "I mean, I guess I do sing along with the piano sometimes... in private, that is. And I can carry a tune decently, sure. But this? This is just-"

Makoto interrupted by saying, "Look: I really want to hear it. Okay?"

Kaede stared, shaking her head slowly as she paradoxically said "Okay... "

She turned, cleared her throat, and tried to focus on the sheet music in front of her. "Can you read music, though?" she ventured.

"I can read enough, I think," Makoto said uncertainly, rubbing the back of his head.

"Okay... " Kaede repeated, quieter this time.

She did her best to ignore the boy standing there as she began to run her fingers over the keys.

When the time came, Makoto's voice came out as a firm but unpolished tenor:

What Can You Lose? Only The Blues... Why Keep Concealing, Everything You're Feeling? Say It To Her... What Can You Lose? Maybe It Shows, She's Had Clues — Which She Chose To Ignore Maybe Though She Knows, And Just Wants To Go On As Before... As A Friend, Nothing More. So She Closes The Door.

Then Kaede's voice came in with its sweet, high pitch.

Well If She Does, Those Are The Dues...

And together, they began to share the lyrics.

Once The Words Are Spoken, Something May Be Broken Still You Love Her; What Can You Lose?

But What If She Goes? At Least Then You Had Part Of Her... What If She Had To Choose?

Leave It Alone... Hold It All In... Better or Boned Don't Even Begin With So Much To Win... There's Too Much To Lose.

Shortly after she finished playing the last few notes, Kaede smiled and sat back, taking a deep breath before she spoke. "Um, sorry for my voice cracking," she said. "I did warn you that I'm not much of a singer." She turned back to look at him.

Makoto was looking away from her now, his back to her. "Uh, yeah, same here?" he said awkwardly. His voice wavered as he continued, "I kinda choked on those lyrics a couple times... "

"I thought you sounded very sweet," Kaede assured him. However, the look on her face had shifted to one of her concern as a result of both the tone in Makoto's voice and the fact that he was still facing away from her. "I don't want to pry or anything," she ventured, "But... are you okay?"

"Damn it," he muttered emphatically, speaking mostly to himself. He turned back towards her and rolled his eyes — making it evident that they were welling with tears. "Guess I lost it somewhere along the way."

Kaede's hand flew up to cover her mouth in shock. "Oh god, you don't have anxiety about performing, do you? You really didn't need to do that! I tried to-"

Makoto waved away her concerns, laughing nervously. "No, it's not that. The song just... really struck a nerve." He wiped the tears from his eyes using the sleeve of his hoodie.

Hearing that, Kaede lowered the hand from her face and brought her hands together in front of her. "Isn't that beautiful, though?" she asked, enthused all over again. "The way that music can make people feel so strongly... " She closed her eyes and sighed. "It can be challenging, cathartic, or even make us confront emotions we've been avoiding within ourselves."

Makoto was slightly confused by her sudden enthusiasm in this face of his tears, but he just scratched his cheek lightly and nodded a bit. "I guess that's true, yeah," he muttered.

Seeing his reaction, Kaede's smile turned sheepish. "Sorry if that came out kind of weird," she offered. "Guess I got carried away again. People don't call me the 'Piano Freak' for nothing."

Makoto sniffed, still fighting back his emotions. Nevertheless, he managed to smile back at her. "Like I said before, your passion is a great thing," he told her. "There's nothing 'freak'-ish about it. That's just rude and uncalled for."

"Thank you, senpai," Kaede said genuinely. "And, truth be told, you caught me playing this song because... I can relate to it, too."

His smile tightened. "Then I'm sorry to hear that," he said. "Is that what's keeping you up so late?"

She avoided his gaze. "Something like that," she admitted. "The same questions keep running through my head."

"Then we're in the same boat," he expressed with a sympathetic smile.

Keade looked back at him, regarding him silently for a moment before speaking again. "Frustrating, isn't it?"

"Yeah... " Makoto said softly. He seemed to be looking through her, his mind wandering for a few seconds. However, his expression soon brightened. "But hey," he suddenly added, speaking more clearly. "Maybe your person is just clueless."

Kaede turned to look back at the piano and fingered a couple of keys idly. "I sort of doubt it," she said over the tink-tink sounds. "Picking up on clues is kind of his whole thing."

"Well that sounds painfully familiar," Makoto said, deadpan.

"Yours too?" Kaede asked, looking back at him with genuine surprise. Suddenly, she spun around in her seat. "Wait, don't tell me!" She held both hands in front of her as if she could psychically freeze him in place before she went on: "You're trying to let them know how you feel without explicitly saying it, and they're someone who's usually great at reading people. But even so, they haven't reacted to what you're doing. So now you can't tell if they're really uninterested or just totally oblivious in this one way." Her hands dropped into her lap. "Is that it?"

At that, Makoto had to laugh. "Aside from the fact that I'm trying my hardest not to send any signals, that's exactly what it's like with her. Besides, I'm a pretty open book. I'm probably sending her signals whether I want to or not. And if that's true, what would it mean?" His face fell once more. "Has she avoided confronting my feelings because she wishes they didn't exist and would prefer not to deal with them?" He paused only a second before answering his own question: "I think that's a solid probably." His smile returned, though now it was a smaller and sadder one.

Kaede mirrored his expression. "You can't be sure of what she's thinking. You shouldn't give up hope."

"I know," Makoto said, giving her a nod. "And I won't. Despite my best efforts, I just... I can't seem to shake that hope. I can't stop wanting more between us."

Kaede stood up from the piano bench. "Why do you want to shake it?" she asked, looking back over her shoulder at him.

Makoto shoved his hands into his pockets and looked away. "To protect myself, I guess. Like the song said: 'There's too much to lose.'"

After turning around to face him, Kaede gave a solemn nod. "I get that."

He looked back at her. "You can't bring yourself to tell him either, huh?"

Kaede's eyes drifted upward as she drew in a long breath. "I... " she began. "I... I've stepped right up to that line, if you know what I mean. I've been at the door, and I gave it a good, long look," she said, barely suppressing an embarrassed giggle over her own metaphor. Then she paused, lost in thought for a few moments. Quietly, she concluded "It feels like I've done everything but tell him."

"Sometimes it's hard to notice what's going on right in front of us," Makoto suggested.

Kaede threw him a lopsided smile. "Speaking from experience?"

"Not romantic experience — but yeah," Makoto admitted, chuckling ruefully.

"Can't that apply to your person, too?" Kaede asked. She clasped her hands behind her back. "Isn't there a chance she can't see the forest for the trees?"

He immediately shook his head. "No. At least... I don't think so."

"You can't be certain, though."

"Of course not," Makoto said.

She shifted her stance, moving to fold her arms in front of her. "How long have you known this girl?"

"About a year and a half now," he responded.

Kaede leveled a concentrated gaze at him. "Do you mind if I ask you something kind of personal?"

Makoto blinked rapidly, surprised by the sudden shift in her tone. "I mean, uh — maybe?" he said, feeling nervous. "It depends."

"On what?" Kaede pressed, her face relaxing.

He raised one hand up to his chin. "Just... ask yourself whether you'd be comfortable with me asking you the same thing. And if so? Fire away."

She froze, letting her eyes drift around the room as she considered that. "Okay," she murmured to herself once before repeating it louder: "Okay. Fine."

Makoto's brow furrowed as he unconsciously tensed his body in anticipation.

Kaede's face returned to the concentrated look she'd had a moment before. "We've been talking vaguely about what we feel or whatever, but level with me here: Are you in love with this person?"

In response, Makoto closed his eyes and let out a ragged breath. "I try not to think about that," he said quietly. "I've been doing my best not to put a label on what I'm feeling, if that makes any sense."

Kaede turned her head slightly. "But if you had to?"

He opened his eyes again and slowly nodded. "I think... yes. No, that's wrong — I don't just think it." He sighed heavily. "I am. And I've probably known I am for a long time, on some level."

Kaede relaxed both her expression and posture. She smiled sympathetically before gently asking, "Don't you think she deserves to know that?"

Makoto lowered his head and raised his right hand to cover his eyes. He drew his fingers together slowly, pinching the bridge of his nose with his eyes shut tight. "You're... probably right," he said weakly.

Still smiling, she went on: "Even if she��can tell you're crushing on her, that doesn't mean she knows how deep your feelings are. Besides — you already admitted you aren't certain whether she knows any of it." She looked down at the floor. "I think you should tell her," she concluded.

After dropping his hand from his face and raising his head to look at her again, Makoto smirked. "You should follow your own advice," he said.

She looked back and him and scoffed. "Easier said than done."

"Of course," he agreed. "It's always easier to tell someone else to go out on that limb than to do it yourself. But now it's your turn."

"Huh?" Kaede said, visibly confused.

"I mean it's your turn to answer the question you asked me," he clarified. "Are you in love with him?"

Kaede visibly flinched at the question. "Urrrrrrr... "

Makoto smiled a little. "Come on," he said teasingly, "You knew this was coming."

Casting her eyes downward again, Kaede spoke haltingly. "I.. don't know. Really." She cleared her throat. "I like him a lot... the time we spend together, it means so much to me." Starting to look up, she shook her head once. "But I've only known him a few months!"

Makoto's hand was again poised below his chin with his other arm wrapped underneath.. "There aren't time constraints on these things," he said softly. "There's not some required waiting period on your feelings. And you don't have to decide what you feel before some arbitrary date passes, either."

She shut her eyes. "Good!" she declared a bit louder than she'd intended. She reopened her eyes and lowered her voice before going on: "I'm just lost because... I've never been in love with anyone," she admitted. "Unless I am now, I suppose." She reached across her body with her left hand and grabbed onto her right forearm before looking back at Makoto. "Have you?" she asked. "Did you feel this way about someone else before her?"

Despite opening his mouth, Makoto hesitated before answering. After a long pause, he simply said, "No."

Kaede's face scrunched up in confusion. "Then how're you so sure you are now?" she demanded.

Makoto smiled gently and chuckled. "Look, I obviously don't know much about this stuff," he warned. "Coming to me for advice about love is like asking Iruma-san for etiquette tips."

She laughed. "I hear you," Kaede said. "But you sounded so certain. So, how?"

"I can only tell you what I believe," he said. "So maybe take this with a grain of salt." He took a deep breath as he gathered his thoughts. "So... I believe love is one of those things that... when you know, you just know. At least that's how it is for me. When you made me confront and define my feelings, it seemed really obvious." He half-shrugged. "But that doesn't mean it has to be the same for you — or anybody else for that matter. Besides, does it really matter what you call your feelings or how you define them? Don't pressure yourself to make it something specific."

Kaede listened quietly while shifting her weight between her feeet as he spoke. When he was finished, she nodded. "I guess you're right," she said. "And maybe I'm just stuck because I've had-" She cut herself off and looked sideways. "Heh — no, forget it. You'd just laugh at me."

"I swear to you that I won't," Makoto said sincerely.

Kaede looked back and smiled gratefully. "Well... I had this idea in my head of what it would feel like to be in love one day, you know? I always thought it would feel, to me, kind of like the first time I listened to Robert Schumann's 'Fantasie in C,' Opus 17. Does that... ?"

Makoto was already shaking his head. "Sorry, but I don't know it."

"No, that's okay," Kaede said, laughing a little. "I should play it for you some time. It's a solo piano piece that's somehow grand and intimate at the same time. Powerful yet gentle. Frantic but tender." She looked away. "He wrote it for the love of his life. And to me, it sounded like what love must feel like. At least that's what I thought. But what I feel now is... this is completely unrecognizable."

He gave her a sympathetic look. "I'm not sure if anyone can expect or predict what it'll feel like until they're in the middle of it," he theorized. "I just mean... different people experience things differently."

"Makes sense," Kaede said.

He tilted his head. "One more question," he said. "How would you feel if he suddenly wasn't in your life anymore?"

Kaede's face fell immediately. "Horrible... " she said, nearly whispering. "Devastated?"

With a fresh smile, Makoto nodded once. "Maybe you can start there," he suggested.

Her eyes darted back and forth as though searching for his logic. "Start with what?" she asked.

"Start by telling him that," he said simply. "It's more than enough."

She grimaced. "I don't know... " she said. "But... maybe." She looked around the room, considering.

"Just think about it," Makoto said gently. He gestured towards the clock on the wall. "Though maybe you should save the thinking for tomorrow? It's pretty late. We should both be trying our best to sleep."

"Yeah, I know you're right," she conceded. "I hope we can think more clearly in the morning." Smiling once more, she warned him, "This isn't the end of this, though! I'm going to keep encouraging you until you finally tell her everything."

"Oh, yay?" he said uncertainly, lightly chuckiing. He began to move towards the door. "But I'll be cheering you on, too," he added. When he reached the door, he looked back over his shoulder. "And thank you. For the talk, I mean."

"Anytime."

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End Note: I originally wrote 2/3 of this story in the summer of 2021 before abandoning it. At the time, I decided it wasn't a very good or interesting premise. And honestly, I'm still not sure it is... but when I saw this year's "Lyrical" prompt for Naegiri Week, my mind came back to this one, and I thought "Wouldn't it be nice to have something to post this year?" So I spent a few days completing this story and polishing it up. I hope it was worth your time.

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all-mighty-axle-arc · 1 month

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hey i'm back! accidentally found my lost phone while making my way to the store :D

weirdly enough, my phone feels tacky, but i don't see any substantial damage on it yet, so i think we're good!!

#i'm thinking an animal took it further than it needed to go but #i doubt my phone looks that tasty #anyways i hope i didn't miss anything real important!#i'll take some time to check out posts #//queued post made really late at night may edit later #//sorry #parody acc #phighting #sword phighting

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b4kuch1n · 8 months

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dip pen ink comm batch 4 complete! for Ezechiel, @ohwwhuv, and Leo :]

#bakuspecial #commission art #the grayscale for these were done on a train with my laptop track pad fksdjhf it was! manageable! but not desirable condition #that was before I got my new current tablet too... thank you my old huion. you served me well. Im so sorry I chipped ur paint to shit #ngl the texture on the new one's better off the bat. the grip's better and it has good kinetic feedback #too bad abt the touch buttons tho... I was confident I could make use of them but alas #things need actual feelable buttons again please I can Not tell where anything is when Im drawing and cant look at the tablet #my eyes are on the screen!! Im bad at gauging distance!!! please give me buttons I can find in the dark. please #even the old huion which has actual buttons I still couldnt use them. bc theyre not raised #theyre flat to the tablet's surface. you know what I shouldve tacked raised stickers on them I was stupid there #well! the more u learn. the more u learn #I'm happy with the current tablet tho!! buttons stuff aside it's nice to draw on. and thats what important. wrists dont hurt no more #almost said ''I miss the wacom eraser end" I don't. not really. every time I used that thang I was like wow you are so imprecise and blunt #litcherally why would you want basically a mappable stylus end but it's 50 times the size of a normal nib and you cant see where ur drawing #especially on a screen tablet. the dynamic there makes absolutely no sense #I can really do the same thing now by mapping one of the stylus buttons to swap foreground color to transparency #anyways. this has been my testimonies on tablets. in the tags of a dip pen ink post lmao #well! this is a late post I shouldve posted this before art fight. thank u again to that anon who reminded me #have a good day lads! we can answer emails together. hands in professional hands

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wolfylch · 7 months

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Later :

Some shots of a scene from our AU that will live rent free in my brain forever ✨️

#augh seriously i was so in awe and baffled by Left Suit's charm and ability to sweettalk his way with Bulldozer #I'm sure both me and Bulldozer felt like Goofy getting kissed by the mailman #Left Suit kissed Bulldozer to retrieve a missing piece of his soul essence that had been placed within him during his creation #Left Suit had started off their greeting by explaining he was the Major Player's Hollywood ; this immediately caught Bulldozer's attention #and he treated him with respect right off the bat as Dave is an important individual #Left Suit had asked for Bulldozer to let go of Spruce and Alton [they were trying to stop Bulldozer from going back to the conglomerate as #they knew he was gonna get some people killed for what they'd done to him]. Bulldozer was also fighting off Rocketeers during this #anyways ; Left Suit asked the Rocketeer to back off politely and they did albeit with hesitation and took Spruce and Alton out of the crater #with them. Left Suit then asked Bulldozer if he'd be interested in dancing while they talked and he said sure #Lord ; Left Suit was good at keeping the situation calm despite Bulldozer's flared up temper atm #he was quick to deescalate any worries big man seemed to have ; he even offered him an office space and ideas to turn the expansion around #Bulldozer was hesitant and stubborn at first but ultimately was talked into a compromise that he'd get an office in the Sellbot factory #and the ability to speak with maintenance crew and molemen to see who he'd want hired in the expansion #however ; good for Chip Spruce and Alton ; Bulldozer didn't want anyone from the previous crew to return on the project #he'd rather have all skelecogs #sorry for the rambling lol! i hope this is enough context ^^ feel free to ask about anything #ttcc #toontown corporate clash #toontown: corporate clash #toontown #au #ttcc au #Bulldozer #Left Suit #mr. hollywood

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running-in-the-dark · 9 hours

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it's been a month since we moved into the new apartment -

I'm so stressed. everything is stressful. we're still not done building the kitchen but it's getting there (slowly). mostly we just need to wait until we get a couple parts that weren't in stock when we ordered the rest. I'm hoping it'll be done by next weekend.

some of it is very frustrating with my brain specifically. I'm so bothered by all the tiny little things that no one else would even notice - like, some of the handles on the drawers are very slightly crooked (as in, less than a millimeter higher on one side) - but for me it's so obvious that it's impossible to ignore. my husband didn't even know what I meant when I pointed it out to him. there's also been a few slightly bigger issues, but we've solved them now (I think).

my eye has been twitching for like three to four weeks. not all the time obviously, but every few minutes. it's very, very annoying.

we still have no new info about when we'll have internet finally. it could take a while still.

on Monday a guy has to replace something in the electric roller shutters in one room - but we don't know which one yet. so either I'll have to let him into my room (awful, uncomfortable, will have to tidy up tomorrow so he could even get to the window), or I'll have to get both our cats into their carrier if it's the one in my husband's room (awful, difficult, one of them doesn't like that so he'll be scared and I'll feel bad).

also on Monday the electrician will install our stove (if he has time). then we're getting two ikea deliveries. and I've got an appointment with my (new) GP because I need a prescription, and I'm very (verrry) nervous about it.

I miss watching TV. I miss tumblr and YouTube and messaging my friends whenever I want and sending them photos all the time. I miss order and structure and (some level of) routine. I miss using real cutlery (we still haven't found ours lol).

when I was finally starting to get used to the noises in this place, the family above us moved in with their baby that cries all the time very very loudly and most of the time right above my room. so now everything is different again and I'm not adjusting well and once again I can't sleep.

but, I've listened to 14 audiobooks since we moved! that's been nice. it was the same way when we moved the last time (just over a year ago..). my favourite by far was The Thursday Murder Club. I've got the other ones in the series but I'm trying not to listen to them too quickly, so I'm gonna listen to three other books first (one is done already, so I should get there on Monday or Tuesday hopefully).

#long rambly post sorry #I miss talking about the random uninteresting shit that happens in my life on here all the time #I've got data on my phone again now at least so that's good. but the phone signal is still awful indoors so it's not that useful #but anyway.... logically I know I'm doing an okay job with unpacking and everything but it doesn't feel like it #also I'm probably gonna have to try to find at least a part time job pretty soon and I'm really really really scared. terrified.#not just of trying to find something and interviews and all that #but that I won't be able to handle it. physically and mentally. again.#I've only had one full time job (an apprenticeship actually) and I lasted 3 months.#and at my part time job I only lasted a month #like. I can barely get anything done in a day as it is. I have so little energy. everything is so fucking hard and exhausting #I truly don't understand how everyone does it. I don't understand how it's possible.#but if I don't find something we won't have money for food next month sooooo it is sort of kind of important #it sucks so fucking much. I can't stand or walk for long periods of time. can't do too much with my hands. I'm not good at dealing with #people/customers. I panic and can't think when I get nervous (which is most of the time). I can't remember shit.#so like. what job am I supposed to do??? everything hurts all the time already and I'm always tired and I'm barely keeping it together #fuuuuck this #😭#personal

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anothermonikan · 3 months

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I'm going so fucking insane over Gabriel Ultrakill again right now, Gabriel Ultrakill,,Gabrielllll

#sobbing. devastated. on the floor #(Nothing happened I just listened to my ultrakill playlist again)#guys do you think Gabriel ever like. missed the sense of community that the council might have provided #like. I'm sure it probably felt nice to be put above other people and to be considered more important but it's not really the same #I don't think...gwahhh #sorry sorry I'm putting this in tags because I don't wanna say anything dumb #he makes me go insane sorry #dsjsdhjsdhds #Ultrakill #Android.txt

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cypheragent · 8 months

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kawoshin is the most stupid bullshit piece of crap irrelevant ass worthless pointless obnoxious OVERRATED ship of all time

#is part of my ire due to them beating otasune in the yaoi polls. CLEARLY but also #kawoshin was testing my patience with how much people go to bat for this relationship that's barely important to the series as a whole #to say nothing of the way kawoshin fans ignore the female characters who are FAR more important and relevant than fucking kaworu or kawoshi #i really can't get into any evangelion shipping i'm sorry i just think it's a really pointless series to “ship” anything in like #i think you're kind of missing the point by doing that. inherently.#kawoshin fans are just as bad as the asuka VS rei weirdos frankly like literally just the other side of the same coin #like stfu about shipping bullshit and analyze the symbolism in end of evangelion you WEEBS #like even wrt kawoshin specifically you just know the actual point that unconditional love is unattainable flew over these ppl's heads

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zukkaoru · 9 months

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as much as it emotionally destroyed me, i do have to say those last two pages of bsd 109 are like. the perfect cliffhanger. and i'm kind of super glad bsd releases monthly rather than weekly so it can actually hold the weight it was given

#bsd 109 #sorry i read mark of athena the week after it came out and now i have a mild obsession with how the act of waiting for resolution #after a cliffhanger enhances the story #don't get me wrong. it's absolutely excruciating and i NEED to know what happens next Right Now Immediately #but if bsd released weekly i'd get to the end of the chapter and i'd be like. it's okay it's okay only seven days #and the ending of the chapter wouldn't have as much impact. you know?#but having to wait a month means i'm looking back at the end and i'm trying to tease out anything i may have missed the first twelve times #i examined the page #and the interjection of the panels of dazai / sskk / fukuzawa taking the bottom half of the penultimate page--#SO GOOD!!!!#we were talking in one of my classes last semester abt how the penultimate move is JUST as important as the ending and ohhhh it was pieced #together SO WELL in this chapter #and the slanting of the panels on the penultimate page as opposed to the straight horizontal ones on the last #increasing anxiety as aya is trying to push the table #then calming as it's finally falling #only to end right there #oooohh i have so many brain worms sorry #i'll stop writing an english major essay in these tags now #hello grace here

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dcsiremelodis · 1 year

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I’m very much new to IDV and the many storylines to the essence/costumes, I found your blog at random and I love it, is there any possible way you could explain the lore for D.M. A bit? I’m sorry if this is random but I’m curious–

「 General Ask ┊Accepting ░ Anon」

[ Hi! First of all, thank you very much for your compliment! It really means a lot! And of course I can! I'm sorry for the wait! I tried to keep it as short as I could without trying to miss out on the important things. If you should have any questions or anything, you can always ask me about it!

What I wrote is just a general small thing for the entire Truth and Inference universe as there is so so so much more to all the events and characters and much more!

I’d say let’s start with the entire beginnings of Truth and Inference as the whole “ alternative Universe “ itself. I should also mention that as of now, it’s not fully clear what Netease keeps as canon for these characters and what not as they tend to rewrite a lot of things, which is very evident with Mr. Inference and his involvement with Call of the Abyss 3, which has been seemingly “ deleted “ out of his backstory as of now.

Lady Truth was first introduced in the first anniversary of Identity V and served as the main protagonist for the first anniversary event over on the CN server ( an event that Global ( aka asia + na/eu server ) never got ). Mr. Inference got introduced as a skin with the second offline box which, at the time, was still heavily tied to Call of the Abyss. Mr. Inference got an invitation from the Netherwalker, the S tier skin from the Call of the Abyss 3 essence at the time.

However, with the third anniversary rolling around, D.M. got introduced. A skin for Joseph, the photographer. With him, it marked the start of the official alternative Universe for Truth and Inference.

A year prior, the “ Golden Rose Theater “ event was held on the global server as the second anniversary event. There, we play as Mr. Inference, who got a commission letter from D.M. It’s the first time we’re also introduced to D.M. before his official skin. The D.M. skin in this event is “ The Client “. To keep the event really really short here ( I might in the future write up something longer for it if it’s wished upon! ) but basically you the player in the role of Mr. Inference are sent to investigate the theater. During your time there, Lady Bella ( back the Madame Bella ) died and your simple investigation turns into a murder investigation on who killed her. The end result was that Lady Bella overdosed on Quivering Flower, a drug given to her by no other than D.M., yet, he never got into any trouble for this and the death was merely ruled an accident.

The Chinese server didn’t have an event related to Truth and Inference as their second anniversary event, thus the whole “ Truth and Inference “ AU basically started off on global.

There are some more events but since you specifically asked for D.M., I’ll keep these short. The next event in the timeline is the The Oath of the "Traitors" event with the player taking up the part of Lady Truth and being sent to a school that is owned by the Mélodis family.

The next event following this one is the global one by the name “ Mélodis Estate Investigation. “ Where we, once again, play the role of Mr. Inference who was invited to the Mélodis estate by no other than D.M. D.M. does appear in that event, yet once again, is dressed up and looks quite different than the original D.M. His skin for that event was “ Enigma “. In this event the characters are all stuck in the manor and wanted to play a little game where one tells a story until the candle gets blown out and then the next person tells a story. However, during this little “ Dress up “ party, two people have to give their lives and it’s on Mr. Inference to investigate on who the killer is. During all of this, D.M. is, as with the Golden Rose theater, someone who keeps himself more in the background. At the end we do find out that “ Succubus “ is behind it. During this event, Mr. Inference and Lady Truth meet again.

Through a music video, we find out that Lady Truth and Mr. Inference have been in the same orphanage as children but went their separate ways later on in life with Mr. Inference going to the army and Lady Truth working as a gardener.

Inbetween these events, a little short novel got released to match the manga in the D.M. anniversary offline box. The novel itself is mainly written by the point of view from the main protagonist who got invited to the Mélodis Estate as he is a struggling novelist and D.M. wants to “ help him. “ However, it is very much stated from the very beginning that D.M. does this only for his own amusement as he has already planned out the entire situation and was fully aware that someone would try to steal one of his paintings, aka the “ Muse painting”, one out of 9 paintings that D.M. tries to collect. This story from the novel is a bit harder to place in the timeline as it’s after they have met White, another character in the series.

The next event was the The Phantom of the Crystal Palace, the fourth anniversary event for the chinese Server. This time global got the event as well, yet with different rewards. The event is also set in the Truth and Inference timeline but this time we follow Paranormal Detective along, someone who was in the same orphanage as Mr. Inference and Lady Truth. He is doing his own little investigations in the Crystal Palace to find out what exactly is happening. D.M. is merely mentioned here as Lady Bella’s sister mentions him and her dislike for him but Duke Raven is also involved with him. After the events, Paranormal Detective joins the “ Orpheus Detective Agency “ (yes, this is really what the agency from Lady Truth and Mr. Inference is called )

The next and current latest event is the The Shrouded Bélóstáin event where we accompany Lady Truth and Mr. Inference to this island upon receiving a letter to help solve a murder there. By the end of the investigation it is clear that D.M. is heavily involved with the people on Bélóstáin and had several of his people working there, most likely for the specific flowers that are growing there.

I tried to keep the events as short as I could and most likely missed a lot of things but if there is questions to any event in particular, always feel free to ask me!

Now a bit to the more important characters. I’ll try to keep it as short as I can!

Mr. Inference: A former soldier from the army who suddenly got kicked out of the army to him unknown reasons. He is trying to figure out who got him out of the army. Nowadays, he’s a detective and often seems to be solving cases involving D.M.

Lady Truth: A former gardener. She and Mr. Inference were in the same orphanage before both going separate ways. It is said that she was seeking for “ Doll”, a mysterious person from the Orphanage that we sadly don’t have more information about. During her search, she and Mr. Inference meet again and decide together to form the “ Orpheus Detective Agency. “

Paranormal Detective: He and Mr. Inference and Lady Truth were in the same orphanage. Sadly we don’t know too much of his past only that at some point he worked for the Ulliel family and did some research on some drugs, however, left after finding out the truth. After the Crystal Palace incident, he joins the other two detectives.

D.M.: D.M., or his full name, Desiré Mélodis, is the main antagonist in the series. He is an Earl who’s motives aren’t fully known to us, yet. From the outside he seems like a nice and friendly man, has good looks and is rich, however, this couldn’t be further from the truth as he is following his own goals and uses whatever he can to gain those. He is the youngest person to be the head of the Mélodis family and it is heavily implied that he might or might not have killed his own father and that he has tried to get rid of his adoptive brother, Noir.

White: White was found by Lady Truth on the street after having lost all his memories of his past ( thus not knowing that he is, in fact, Noir ). He is currently staying with the detectives and helps them, yet hasn’t appeared in any actual event nor in the novel and was merely mentioned by name in the novel.

Noir: Noir was in the same orphanage as Lady Truth and Mr. Inference and Paranormal Detective, however was adopted by Salvatore Mélodis ( D.M.’s father ) and then raised as younger brother from D.M. He was a skilled assassin who worked for the Mélodis family but ,for us, some unknown reason, was drugged and lost all his memories and became White. D.M. did not mind the loss of his younger brother/didn’t seem bothered by it.

Gatto is the newest character in the entire series and the current offline skin for Aesop. He works as a scientist at Ulliel and works for D.M.. After being confronted by his coworker Paranormal Detective, he finally snapped out of it and decided to help the detectives in his own way, basically working as an undercover detective and leaving little notes for the detectives to find and help their investigations against the Mélodis family.

#//this is still super long and I'm really sorry about it #//But I tried to keep it as short as I could! so there is probably osme stuff missing #//however it should have all the important facts in there #//If you have any questions to any characters or any events or anything always feel free to ask me!#「 ░ ✉ ┊Behind the invitation ░ 」 → ALICE TALKS

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ox1-lovesick · 1 year

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Recently I've noticed creators on here (specifically oc creators) speaking up about and calling out other creators for racebending, and after looking deeper into it I came to the realisation that I have made this exact mistake myself with one of the characters for my beomgyu smau. By definition, racebending is to play the role of, or cast someone in the role of, a character of a different race or ethnicity, and that is exactly what I did with one of the ocs I created for the story (Ria) who is supposed to be japanese yet has a face claim of a fully korean idol (Han Eunji). It was never my intention to offend anyone as I wasn't aware of this before, but my ignorance is not an excuse as I could've easily looked deeper into things but didn't. I take full accountability and apologise profoundly to those I have hurt. I'm not east asian, and have never experienced this kind of thing first hand, but I know how horrible it feels to be stereotyped and generalized, and I would never want to knowingly contribute to that pain. This wasn't brought to my attention directly so I wasn't able to correct this sooner but I thank the lovely people who've taken the time to educate others on their wrongdoings, and in the process help me realise my mistake as well. The masterlist and profiles have been privated for now while I'm still editing and revamping it, trying to find any flaws it may have before I post it again, but I didn't want to delay this until then. Once again I am so sorry for this and I apologize to those offended. I will do my best to educate myself and avoid doing something like this again, as well as being more mindful of what I do and say in the future. Thank you

#important !!!!#once again #i'm so so so sorry #please don't hesitate to let me know if i missed anything or have done something else wrong #the last thing i want to do is hurt or upset anyone by making mistakes like these #working on creating a new profile for her rn😭

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mondfahrt · 1 year

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Some Christian/Lent stuff under the cut

It's Lent now and I just remembered that the Protestant Church in Germany always makes it into some kind of... motto months? Like: "7 weeks without..." It's basically not fasting meat or any kind of food but more of a motivational thing. They've been doing this since the 1980s, and in previous years it's been about "7 weeks without lies" or "7 weeks without pessimism" or something.

This year it's "7 weeks without despondancy" (yes, I had to look that up) and I really like that thought. It's about "not making it easy for myself by saying "that won't help anyway"". And I don't think that a lot but I'm in a very bad time these days, because it's beginning to feel very pointless, with my thesis, and all these job applications and everything.

They have a newsletter for every week and it's all pretty Christian and so on, but the first week's newsletter basically says "enjoy the light. stay a couple of minutes in bed after turning on the lights/opening the curtains every morning, to enjoy the moment and the morning in the light of day (or in the light of your bedside lamp".

I really like that. It made me think about those very first weeks during the first lockdown in 2020, when I barely was able to get out of bed in the morning, so I started to take my coffee out to the balcony, huddle up with a blanket and just sit there in the freezing March/April air and breathe.

Maybe I'll do that this year. Maybe I'll try 7 weeks without despondancy.

#sorry for being christian over your dashes #i'm not even protestant lol #i just really like this concept. i'm very bad at fasting on anything food related. esp since i'm almost completely vegetarian anyway #anyway #christianity #lent #religion #tell me if i missed a tag you want to block. but i think those are the most important ones #personal

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domesticmail · 21 days

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let him reap what he's sown

#sorry more tag venting #but like MY GOD it's so annoying that he gets frustrated that i'm not a perfect person #and it devolves into literally ignoring me but also claiming i can talk to him whenever i want #like fuck you fuck you fuck you. you don't even care about me or our relationship #we've been together over two years and you don't even CARE?! at ALL?! to resolve ANYTHING?!#you just want to yell at me and get your way #fuck off fuck off fuck off a million times over #i don't know why i wasted all my time caring about you when you told me over and over again i don't matter to yoy #news flash: that is NOT how you treat your girlfriend!!! of all people!!!#i fucking care about you!!! i make you dinner and listen to you rant about your day!!! i support you with everything you do!!!#and you're mad because i said I WAS GOING YO MISS YOU? WHEN YOURE GOING ON A TRIP? THATS GUILT TRIPPINGv #?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?#i don't understand. i feel like it's normal to tell someone you'll miss them when they're going away #it's not bitching and moaning you ass it's called just fucking telling you my feelings #it's not guilt tripping!!! i am not guilt tripping you by saying ONE TIME that i'm going to miss you #UGH. get the fuck out of the relationship if you're not going to give a shit about me at all #i have no way to leave right now so i'm stuck but you!! can fucking!! go!!#so GO AWAY if you don't like me!!! leave me!!! i don't fucking care at this point #god. i don't ever want to be in a relationship after this #i don't ever want to deal with another human being ever again #and less important: i fucking have to shit and he's on the toilet rn.#i'm giving up i think #i have no faith in him or this relationship at all #if he's not going to put any effort in i'm not either #it can peter out and die now. there's nothing left #i feel like shit about it but hey! he's the one who brought us to this point #he's the reason we aren't speaking #so whatever #let him reap what he's sown

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acesabo · 3 months

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I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia in the end of 2023, and I'm still processing.

#fibroposting #drawbox #nudity? maybe? it's not detailed. think sailor moon transformation-style nudity #the falling image is referencing a vector image that pops up when you search ''fibromyalgia symbol''#apparently our symbol is the butterfly because a butterfly is light but could cause pain because of fibro if it landed on someone???#i love that actually #it's also because when scanned‚ a brain looks like a butterfly with outspread wings #anyway. been really absorbing my diagnosis and the stimga and Being Disabled #it took me. five years to be diagnosed #and having an answer is nice but it. doesn't change the effects. y'know?#...i described the butterfly thing poorly but. light pressure can Feel like hurt because Brain Is Broken #sometimes standing for too long literally makes me feel like the bottoms of my feet are giant bruises #i'm talking like. ten minutes of standing btw. not long at all #and resting my elbows on anything causes the same kind of pain #and literally just bending my knees hurts them #and and and #point is. butterfly good symbol for us. thank u 4 coming 2 my TEDtalk #oh god important tags were missed i am SO sorry #weight discussion #weight gain #body image

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inkskinned · 5 months

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it is the first snow today. i think we should all have off work, even though it didn't stick. i think there should be 4 national holidays, one for each season. happy first snow, go home and make cookies. for spring it can be the first crocus. for summer the first lightning bug. for autumn, the first golden leaf. go home, kiss your dog, feed your cat (who is absolutely already-fed but somehow still starving.)

i think we should all take more showers together, but i mean that in the soft way. i mean it like taking a nap. two years ago i had 5 adult friends in my queen bed, all of us laying across each other, head over belly over thigh over hand. any time one of us would giggle, it would ripple over each of us, like pulling on a spiderweb. kim actually needed to nap and didn't get to sleep and i am still sorry for it even though this is one of my most precious memories.

i think we should all wash each other's hair, i mean. i walk my dog and i watch someone put up twinkle lights around their front porch. alex and i just moved, and i love the neighborhood. already so many of our new neighbors have stopped by to say hello. the nice lady downstairs also collects plants, like me. she gave us her number on a pink post-it note. i am trying to decide whether to make her cookies or brownies.

i am going through a very hard time. something bad happened this weekend that i do not wish to discuss. it is hanging over me. i think of the green ribbon, and the woman who had her throat cut. it feels like that sometimes, inside of my body. like i am walking and talking despite being half-corpsed. like i am hanging on by a ribbon, standing on some kind of cusp. i keep saying - at least it wasn't worse. we are so lucky it wasn't worse. the idea is river-rock smooth now, all the edges worried off.

in this very dark night - the sun sets by 3 now - people don't need to, but they try anyway. they paint the missing light into things. i have an embarrassing number of missed calls and texts, but i feel the love from them nevertheless - hey. if you need something, i'm here. i will bring you food/puzzles/anything. i got you.

i think we should all have a big group chat where we do errands with strangers. this week i got lost in a home depot, which is wild because i'm a lesbian and we are actually hatched in a lowe's lumber section. there were two other women in the whole store. we ended up shopping together, at first by accident (we all needed things in the same aisle), and then because, well, why not. one of the ladies was taller than me, so she pulled down the screws i needed. i am agile and have the personality of a raccoon, so they sent me after anything below 3 feet. we talked about holiday plans and never learned each other's names, but did learn all the drama about each other's families.

i am making you cupcakes, because i have so much affection i want to pour it into batter. you ask me if i am eating enough per meal. i wrap your gift twice, trying to do it prettily. i get excited to give it to you, just because i hope you'll be excited too.

my parents drive an hour just to see the new apartment and to do the parent thing; standing in the kitchen saying things like "oh you'll get so much use from this dishwasher" and "well, you could paint that" and "when your mother and i moved it was uphill both ways and in a snowstorm and of course your brother was an infant." my mother brought me a plant for housewarming. i always say i love you before she leaves.

i play dnd on tuesdays still, after all these years. we all keep that night free. at one point, between grad school and marriage and all of it, we had to have a serious discussion about how to keep it running. we will keep going, we decided eventually. just to see each other, even if we don't play - you are all important to me. sebastian is not prone to affection but last night he stole my usual sign off - i love you all, be good, he said. he was laughing.

i don't love the winter, actually. i like snow in theory, but i grew up in the north, and am too-familiar with the season of "mud and sludge". i don't like being cold. but i do love something kind of soft and rare: every year around this time, people remember oh yes. you and i are human together. and i have love to spare.

it is the first snow, and something in my heart is finally warm again. i have spent what felt like the last 18 months just going-through-the-motions. it has felt blank and immediate, like i would never actually feel again. that sounds extremely trite and stupid - but that is the boring and familiar experience of depression. life just washes up against your windows, and you watch it happening. you see things that should be lovely and affecting, and it just whispers too-thin. i was desperately uncreative. uninterested in my hobbies. unimpressed by my writing. i told my therapist, often, i don't know how to find hope again.

almost sheepishly, something strange and lovely is burning in my chest. i keep not-looking at it, worried it will scamper back into the shadows again. it is skittish and wild, but it is so warm i want to sink my hands into its fur and feel it breathing. i love-hate it: if it's real, it can hurt me when it leaves again. but i am icarus-born, sun-lover and poet: i can't help myself. despite my best intentions, i am falling in love with life again.

i am planning to make cookies for my friends. alex and i are going to go christmas tree shopping. we picked out matching dish towels last night, and they have little mushrooms on them.

i love you. it does come back. yes, even after a long time. even for you. i promise. keep trying. you will wake up and it will be a day you can smile about.

write me when you get there. we will take the day off of work, and i will wash your hair, and we will both be laughing.

#spilled ink #writeblr #pos #recovery #my brain is like - don't trust it!!!!!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!! we can't be wrong again!!!!!!#and im like. what if the sorrow is the thing that's wrong though.#what if this - this!!!!! - is the truth

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navybrat817 · 5 months

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I wish I had a smitten Bucky. Just sees me and wants me. 🥺

I know the feeling, nonnie.

Check Yes or No

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female Reader

Summary: Bucky instantly falls for you, but waits to ask you out.

Word Count: Over 2.1k

Warnings: Fluff, could be seen as instalove on Bucky's side, attraction, slight insecurities, minor time jump, Alpine being the best, slight feels (it's me), Bucky Barnes (he's a warning, okay?).

A/N: I can't send Bucky your way, lovelies, so I hope you enjoy this short, surprise fic! ❤️ Not beta read and written on my phone, so any and all mistakes are my own. Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog for new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!

Bucky wasn't looking for love the day he met you, but it found him anyway.

“Hey, Buck,” Steve greeted from his seat when he walked into the conference rooms and nodded to the spot beside him that you occupied. “I’d like you to meet our newest transfer. She’s also moving into the Tower.”

He was a changed man the moment your eyes met. Breathtaking was a word to describe you given how he had forgotten to breathe. He had witnessed many sunrises and sunsets in his life, a kaleidoscope of colors painted in the sky to both soothe and awaken the soul. They paled in comparison to the beauty before him.

One glance and he belonged to you completely.

“Hi, Bucky. It’s nice to meet you.”

While he wasn't sure if Heaven existed, you speaking his name was like hearing the voice of an angel.

“I’m Bucky.”

Of all the things he could've said, reiterating his name was what his mouth went with.

Instead of giving him a weird look or brushing him off when he scowled at himself, you smiled. “I look forward to us working together.”

Bucky couldn't tell you what the meeting was about that day, but he remembered the details about you. The way you leaned forward in your seat to pay extra attention when someone else spoke, also giving him an ample view of your chest before he reminded himself not to stare. The slight crease in your forehead when you jotted down an important note. And the soft giggle you let out when Steve cracked a joke.

He suddenly wished he was funnier.

“Have a good rest of the day, Bucky,” you said when the meeting ended.

Bucky didn't have to try to smile with you. It just came naturally. When you smiled back, it was easy to imagine what it would be like if you were his girl.

“You, too,” he replied, giving himself a mental victory for not screwing up his words this time. “Wait!”

You paused and looked at him expectantly. “Yeah?”

Bucky realized he had no reason to keep you from leaving. He just didn't want you to go. “Do you need help moving your stuff in?”

“I actually got my things moved in late last night, but thanks for the offer,” you replied, checking the time with wide eyes. “I'm so sorry. I have to go. I’m in 2L if you need anything!”

“Bye,” he called after you, turning in his chair to watch you go.

How did he miss you already?

Though Steve had a knowing look in his eyes, he graciously kept his mouth shut as he left the room. He reminded him an hour later that he wouldn't break any bylaws by asking you out. The punk somehow knew that you weren't seeing anyone.

Which made him happy.

While he appreciated Steve looking out for happiness, he still had to get his head on straight.

“Once I completely trust my own mind, maybe I will,” Bucky said, even though the stuff was already out of his head. He owed it to himself to take his time. And you.

Imagine his surprise when he found a note from you on his door the next day.

Hey, Bucky! Lunch on me today? Check YES or NO.

The lopsided grin on his face wouldn't go away when he read it again. You must've been interested in him enough to ask about him. How else did you know his apartment number? Why else would you ask him to lunch?

He nearly shouted “YES” in the hall before he came to his senses and simply checked the option before he returned the note to your apartment door.

When he met up with you later, he told himself it wasn't a date. It couldn't be, right? It didn't keep his heart from stopping when you answered your door. Dressed down and casual, you looked like an angel went to Earth just for him.

“Hey, Bucky,” you smiled. “Ready to go?”

He hadn't said much on the way to the cafe since he was too busy hanging on to your every word, but it was like he had known you for ages as you carried on the conversation. Your questions weren't invasive and you didn't seem to mind the occasional short answers. It was also the shortest meal of his life, over too soon for his liking, and he also refused to let you pay for his meal.

He wanted to show you that gentlemen still existed.

“Lunch again next week?” You offered.

“Sure,” he answered, his head spinning from giddiness.

But it wasn't a date.

It was time to change that.

Today was the day. Six months from the day he met you. Six months of chatting with you between missions and slowly getting to know you over weekly lunches. Six months of falling for you more and more each day and he finally worked up the courage to ask you out.

But falling was the easy part. Confessing was an entirely different story. He would either crash to the ground and hope his wounds would later heal or you’d catch him as he fell. No matter what, he wouldn't let his nerves get the better of him.

“Just like we practiced, okay?” Bucky asked.

“Meow.”

Alpine nuzzled her head against Bucky’s with a gentle purr when he huffed. She was his little partner-in-crime through and through. Like you, even though you didn't realize it, the little white ball of fur helped save him. He was fairly certain he wasn't supposed to bring her to this floor, but any reprimand would be worth it.

Besides, the Tower, office, anywhere they operated should allow them to have their pets with them, especially for emotional support.

“I'm counting on you,” he teased, placing the folded up piece of paper in her mouth. “Go.”

He peeked around the corner when he set Alpine down. The sun illuminated you from where you sat in the lounge, curled up in your normal spot on the sofa. You liked to relax there occasionally to read. He wondered what book you had with you today.

Thankfully, no one was around to disturb you.

Except for him.

“Alpine, is that you?” You asked when you looked up, closing the book as the cat approached you. While the feline was cautious of some, she warmed up to you immediately when you met and solidified that you were the one for him. “Whatcha got there? Where’s Bucky?”

His name spilling from your lips was still one of his favorite sounds.

He held his breath when Alpine jumped up beside you, opened her mouth, and dropped the paper in your lap. He immediately began to second guess himself when you unfolded it with a furrowed brow. Why did he think this was a good idea? Why didn't he just ask you like a normal guy?

To be fair, he hadn't been normal for some time.

“Will you go out with me? Check YES or NO. Love, Bucky,” you read out loud with a huge smile, which was enough to make his heart race. You giggled a moment later when Alpine bumped your hand, the soft noise making his stomach do a funny sort of flip. “Okay, okay. Let me get my pen out of my bag.”

Bucky exhaled a little as he moved to stand in the doorway. You didn't toss the paper away, so that had to be a good sign. He carefully kept himself from showing any outward emotion when you met his gaze, but his knees nearly gave out. His palms also began to sweat when you gave him a half smile.

Just when he thought you couldn't look more beautiful than you had the day before, you proved him wrong.

He ran a hand through his hair and hoped he looked halfway decent since he hadn't brushed it. But you commented a few weeks back that you liked it long when you saw an old photo, so he wanted to grow it out. He lost count of how many times he imagined your fingers in his hair

Maybe one day.

Watching you grab your pen, it was like he was drowning. The tide pulled him under as you made a mark on the sheet. His lungs burned when you handed it back to Alpine. He couldn't come up for air. He couldn't breathe.

Until you smiled again.

“Thanks, Alpine,” you said.

His cat gracefully walked back to Bucky and he swore he caught you trying not to giggle as she climbed up his leg. His heart hammered in his chest when he took the slip of paper from her mouth. Meeting your tender gaze, he couldn't bring himself to open it though.

After he told himself he wouldn't let his nerves get the better of him.

“Not going to see what my answer is?” You asked as he carried Alpine into the lounge.

“I want to,” he replied, sighing as he took a seat beside you. His cat was perfectly content to lay in his lap. “But I’m questioning if I did this the right way.”

The note you gave him for a simple lunch request may have been a small gesture in your eyes, but it meant the world to him. He thought by asking you out this way that he could give you something meaningful in return. Something that only the two of you shared.

That was all he wanted.

You turned toward him, your knee touching his. The small touch sent heat down his spine. “Open it and you’ll find out.”

He nodded, thankful that his vibranium hand didn't shake as he lifted the sheet. “Wait, let me say something before I do.”

The corner of your lip tugged as you tried not to smile. “Bucky-”

“I like you. I really like you. I have since the day we met. And I'm going to like you tomorrow. And the day after that and the day after that,” he admitted in a rush, catching your sharp inhale as he looked into your eyes. “But I know my past isn't easy to deal with. If you just want to be a teammate or colleague, that’s okay. Just. Being a part of your life in some way is more than enough.”

Alpine lifted her head and looked between the two of you, as if she was waiting with baited breath to see what would happen next.

Bucky felt a crack in his heart when you didn't speak or react, his body slumping slightly into the couch. It was okay. He took a chance and told you how he felt. He wouldn't force you to reciprocate.

“Bucky?” You asked above a whisper, reaching over to help him unfold the paper. He gasped when he saw the checkmark beside “YES”, blinking rapidly to make sure you picked that box. “I really like you, too.”

“You do?” He exhaled, grasping your hand with renewed joy. He was careful not to squeeze too hard. Hurting you was the last thing he ever wanted to do.

“Yeah. Pretty much since the day I met you,” you admitted, glancing in your lap before you met his gaze again. He saw stars in your eyes. “And your past isn't your fault, Bucky. You aren't something to ‘deal with’, okay? You’re a good man. I can give you a whole list of reasons if you need it.”

Physically, Bucky’s body was in peak condition. Your confession, however, caused all of the air to leave his lungs and made him weak in the best possible way. A familiar warmth moved through Bucky’s veins as he breathed again and it dawned on him at that moment that he hadn't felt cold since you walked into his life.

Not once.

Your faith in him gave him strength. Your mere existence gave him the courage to try. And he didn't have to go it alone.

“Wow,” he breathed, relieved and elated as he gave you a small smile. “How about tomorrow night?”

“It’s a date,” you smiled.

“Great,” he smiled back. A date. He couldn't wait to see the look on Steve's face when he told him that he finally asked you out.

“And I think the note was purrfect,” you teased at Alpine before you scrunched up your face. “I ruined the moment, didn't I?”

Bucky brought your hand to his mouth, kissing it as gently as he possibly could. He could hear your heart race. So was his. “Not at all.”

He knew it was too soon to say he loved you and it was likely too soon for you to feel that way about him, but he felt hope in your smile that you would one day.

For now, he had a date to plan all because you checked “yes”.

We know it'll be the best date ever, right? Love and thanks for reading! 💙

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