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#I'M UPSET HE'S NOT REAL
vodid · 10 months
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yall ever experience a love for something so great that it literally hurts. like it feels like your brain is gonna explode. screaming crying throwing up except it feels like that's actually going to happen. bc you're experiencing so much emotion
because that's me with bay jazz. again. help. he has an autistic grip on me
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inkskinned · 1 year
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there are a lot of posts out there that are positive and healthy coping mechanisms for handling the holidays. this is not one of them :)
i think there's like. going to be times in your life you will be stuck in a social situation that you cannot escape from gracefully. i do not know why the internet doesn't believe these times exist. it's not always just that your physical safety is at risk - sometimes it's legit like "i just don't currently have the energy or time to put in the effort of responding to this." sometimes it's a coworker you hate so much. sometimes it's just like, fine, you know? like you know you can handle your aunt when she's cheerily horrible, but if you actually set a boundary around her, it's going to be weeks of fallout with your father.
i don't know why people think the answer is always just "cut them out!" or "don't let them get away with that!" because ... the real world is tricky and complicated. i think kind of a lot of us have an internal "radiation poisoning" meter for certain people. like - i'm talking about the ones who are absolutely giving you gradual ick damage. like, you can handle them, but you'll be exhausted.
and yes. you absolutely should listen to your therapist and the good posts about handling others and set good boundaries and take care of yourself. prioritize peace.
HOWEVER :) ...... since im often in a situation with a Gradual Sense of Ick person i cannot just "cut out" of my life (without losing someone else precious to me) - i have sort of developed the most. maladaptive form of mischief possible. because like, if i'm going to have to listen to this shit again, i like to have a little bit of private fun with it.
now! again, i am physically safe, just mentally drained by this man. you should only do this with people you are not in danger with. which leads me to my suggestions for when your Unfortunate Acquaintance shows up and says oh everyone pay attention to me.
my favorite word is "maybe!" said as brightly and happily as possible. whenever the Horrible Person starts in on a topic you do not want to go further with, particularly if they make a claim that you know to be inaccurate, do not respond to it. you and i have both tried to actually argue with this person, and it hasn't gone well, because this person just wants the drama of an argument. however, "maybe!" gives them literally nothing to go on. it is incredibly disarming. they are used to people having some response. they know they can't prove what they're saying, and maybe! treats them like the child they are. it dismisses them in the politest way possible.
i like to say maybe! and then, in their stunned silence, immediately change the subject. this is because i have adhd and i will have something unrelated to talk about, but if you can't think of topics fast enough, i recommend just pointing to something and saying, "isn't that lovely?" because fuck you let's bring in some positivity.
by the way. that second trick - of pointing to something and stating an opinion about it? - that just works on its own, like, 70% of the time. i picked it up from teaching preschoolers. it's an intentional "redirect". it stops children crying and it also stops grown adults from finishing their explanation on why women belong in kitchens. dual wielding!
keep it silly for yourself. i absolutely do not care if people think i'm fucking stupid (it's more fun if they do) and as a result i will purposefully misunderstand things just to see how long it takes them to realize i've completely removed them from the subject at hand. when they say "women aren't funny" i get to be like. "which women." "all women." "all women in america?" "no in the world." "like the mole people? the people in the world?" "what? no. like, alive." "oh are we not counting the mole people?" "what the fuck are you talking about." "you don't believe in the mole people?"
similarly, i play a personal game called "one up me." my Evil Acquaintance literally knows this game exists (my family & friends caught onto it and now also play it) and it always fucking gets him. i don't know why. you have to be willing to be a little free-spirited on this one, though. the trick is that when they make one of those horrible little bigoted or annoying comments they are always making, you need to go one unit weirder. not more intense, mind you - just more weird. "you don't look good in that dress." "yeah, actually, my other dress was covered in squid ink due to a mishap at the soup store." "you shouldn't wear such revealing clothes." "wait, what? oh shit. sorry, your son tears off strips when no one is looking and eats them. i swear it was longer before we left the building."
the point of "one up me" is to completely upend this person's narrative. we both know this person likes setting up situations where you cannot "win" and then they really like telling other people how badly you handled it. in a usual situation, if you respond "please don't say something that rude", you're a bitch. but if you let it happen, you're letting yourself be debased. they are not usually expecting door number three: unflappably odd. because what are they going to say when they're telling everyone how badly you behaved? "she said my son eats her dresses" ".... okay?"
if you can, form an allyship with someone whomst you can tagteam with. where they can pick up on your weird "soup store" story and run with it.
the following phrase is amazing and can be deployed for any situation: "oh, be nice :) it's the holidays!" i do not know why this works as often as it does. i'll say it for the most random shit. i think this is bc most of the time these people know they're being impolite, they just like to fight.
godbless. when in doubt, remember that you could always start stealing their pens.
the whole point of this is - if you can't escape. maybe see how long you can just be. like. a horrible little menace.
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kittyandco · 2 months
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does anyone else get so upset when you think about all the things that happened to your f/o... all the things they went through? all the things they haven't healed from? the pain that they may still be enduring? how you can do your best to help them but you can't protect them from everything. so you just love them the ways they needed before, how they deserved. and you see them happy because they finally accept, at least in some ways, that they do deserve it. they deserve love like all beings do
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twstjam · 8 months
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Fuck the timeline, everyone please consider an au where the Knight of Dawn narrowly escapes from a fight that almost kills him and as he's limping through a forest to find somewhere to hide and recover, the woodland creatures find him and lead him somewhere. He follows, assuming they're leading him somewhere safe, but before he can reach it he collapses from his injuries. As his consciousness begins to fade, he sees Princess Meleanor looking down at him and he isn't surprised that she'd been waiting for his end, waiting for him to join her in the Underworld where he'd sent her.
Later in the evening, Lilia Vanrouge is startled by the door to his quiet little cottage bursting open. His prince and pupils have returned... and they have dragged the injured Knight of Dawn back with them. Silver runs up to Lilia and begs "Papa" to help the poor injured man they'd found in the woods, completely oblivious to how Lilia's blood chills and his mouth goes dry because his son this human child had so cluelessly brought an old enemy into their home who also happens to be his father.
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sergle · 7 months
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(re: sssniperwolf and jacksfilms) It's laughable that she escalated it that hard. Don't get me wrong, I'm pretty sure stalking him like that is illegal and it's terrifying regardless, but Jack said in a stream (can't remember which one) that he wasn't about bringing up past controversies of hers or cancelling. And now she shows up outside his house (wtf!!!). Like he was willing to only call her out for stealing and freebooting but she's gone and stalked him and Jack doesn't seem like the type of guy to take that shit. Actual WTF moment from her part. wild
omg long post below bc apparently I have opinions: YES!! THAT'S WHAT'S SO INCREDIBLE ABOUT THIS... Jack has been genuinely diligent about keeping things on-topic in his streams, and hasn't brought up any of her other Stuff, or anything Personal. Despite the fact that she kickstarted the whole thing by making it INCREDIBLY personal and attacking his physical appearance... His goal has been to call out and bring attention to content theft, and he's stuck with it. Dude's also cared about this for years, and she's not the first content thief he's criticized. He just hates the way that freebooting has become so accepted-- to the point where youtube praised her for "coming up with such creative video ideas"? Hey! Ew! Dude wasn't trying to get her cancelled though, there was no smear campaign of her character. He's been rallying to get her to CREDIT the creators that she relies on for all of her content. It would set a precedent for all other "react" channels on the platform for one of the biggest channels on youtube to actually give credit where credit is due. Or, god forbid, get permission first? It's not hard. It's already done the job of making some other people who do "react content" self-analyze whether or not their content is transformative, and to maybe care about crediting the creators they rely on for their genre to work. There is a way to make this kind of video that isn't so slimy. And making fun of her lackluster-at-best reactions is so far from even being a big deal. Bc she literally does just sit there and say nothing. Plus, his goal has a clear End built into it: if she started shouting out the creators she takes content from, and put links directly to their pages in her video descriptions, the job would be done! That's what he's asking her to do. Real bare minimum stuff. It legit would have been easy to steer away from the content theft and to also talk about her history of lying to her audience! her ghosting a dying kid with cancer who was a big fan of hers! the fact that she's been arrested for armed robbery! her history of transphobia! He would also get more clicks that way, which is what she claims is his sole goal- to get more clicks. I'll bring it up though! She's been a terrible person the whole time, and has kept a steady course of manipulating her audience of young children and/or, let's be completely honest, simps- into thinking that she's a Wholesome creator. (And now, into thinking she's an innocent victim.) All of the actual effort put in by her has gone toward optics, not the content she puts out. A carefully constructed online persona, for one, but also literal appearances. Jack totally can't say this, bc she already went off the handle and said the only reason he doesn't like her is bc he Hates To See A Woman Be Successful. But I can! That was a cheap shot for her to use that argument when, for once, it's not applicable! Much the opposite, even! Dudes online wouldn't go to bat for her if she didn't look the way she does. And it weakens any case she'd have against him by making baseless claims like that. She banks hugely on being an attractive woman to get her clicks/following. A massive amount of effort is put into her appearance. The makeup, the lip fillers, putting her hair in little pigtails, the chokers and tube tops, the big non-prescription Nerd Glasses, the thumbnails where she has her mouth open in That Expression?
I don't even have to say anything. But making a weird facial expression and putting your hair in pigtails aren't moral failings. Showing up at someone's real life home (whose address you shouldn't even have access to), filming the front of their house at night, doxxing them to your audience of millions of people? Because you were mad at them online? That is fully scary! Yeah girl I'm pretty sure that Jack can press charges! There is absolutely no way to take the moral highground now that she's literally stalked him, and doxxed his home. She tried to goad him and Erin (Jack's wife) out of the house, also, which creeps me out even more-- because what was she planning to do? The fact that she's been arrested for violent crime before does pop into my mind! lmao! Jack was streaming a game at the time that she was outside his home, and these clips of him, his friends, and Erin reacting in real time to what is genuinely a scary situation have been taken down in case he needs to use them in legal action. Shit is legitimately serious!
#sergle answers#long post#LONGEST POST ON EARTH I'M SO SORRY#saying all this out loud only takes a few minutes but typing it... girl this is a BOOK#clearly I have thoughts on this Online Drama but also this isn't online!#these are people who exist in real life. and compromising a person's safety bc he criticized you for stealing tiktoks#is a real life thing. this isn't confined to online spaces! you can turn off your computer to get away from An Argument#but someone going to your house?? that's absolutely terrifying#and all of this is just because he's been telling her to credit the creators. it could have been resolved so simply.#I hope he takes legal action against her bc he genuinely has grounds to do so.#and I can't imagine how terrified and upset I would be if someone was outside my door. filming my house for their audience.#also the 'what if the roles were reversed' argument is rarely made in good faith... but she's already brought up the topic.#this would be getting even more coverage and the optics would be Even Creepier if a strange man with millions of followers showed up#at the home of a woman- just bc she criticized his videos- filming her home address for all to see and trying to get her to come outside.#It's just as creepy that sssniperwolf did this as it would be coming from ANYONE else#it's been downplayed bc her being a little skinny woman means that A Man shouldn't be threatened by her#which. even if she wasn't going to Do anything. any one of her rabidly loyal online followers MIGHT. she's not the only one who could go to#his house now! anyone could show up.#sergle.txt#Jacksfilms#Sssniperwolf
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cosmichawk · 5 months
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It's that time of year again so here are xmas harbingers edits by yours truly
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bonus:
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shuploc · 7 months
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I will be posting a little Astarion piece later today! 🤗
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insane-weasel · 2 months
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I barely watch Schlatt anymore but when I see a clip of him absolutely gushing and losing his marbles because he spots a cat in the background of Ted's video and immediately cooing and talking about Jambo it reminds me why I love him
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gxlden-angels · 4 months
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Bro I hate fundamentalists and culturally-fundie parents they'll say shit like "spare the rod spoil the child am I right haha yea my parents used to have to beat my ass with a switch almost everyday but I sure did learn my lesson" but like??? no you didn't??? you were hit multiple times for something you very obviously did not, in fact, learn
Like studies about how harmful even lightly spanking children is aside, you're literally contradicting yourself?? Some even admitted they got worse as they got older cause they wanted to see how far they could push their parents before they got punished
And studies not aside, you're gonna get child raising advice from the same book that tells you to stone your wife if her hymen doesn't break on your wedding night instead of the decades of research we have now?? Just say you're a bad parent and move on my guy. Skill issue
#bro I had a coworker go 'unpopular opinion I think some kids really do need beatings' and I'm like????#unprompted???? what's going on there????#well anyways I ended up going 'yea so I plan on specializing in play therapy with autistic children so I've been learning about talking#to children and the ways their parents and environment affects them'#and they're like hmmm but beating this kid with a stick after they broke something or I upset them to the point of yelling is good actually#had a boss say it taught him and his kids respect cause they were hard-headed#and I'm like?? that's fear not respect! they fear punishment! they do not act out of respect for you!#he's a conservative christian black man tho so he's like 'But Authority!' like bro I don't even respect you what are you on about#'You don't respect police and their authority?' Nope! I fear them! I do not respect cops and every cop/cop-adjacent person I personally know#has reinforced that for me#'We'll agree to disagree' Cool! Doesn't mean you're not wrong! I could believe trees aren't real but that is in fact incorrect#then he pulled out the bible verse and I was like ah okay I forgot you like 'here's how to treat slaves' book you're so right bestie#I'm totally wrong now and so sorry for doubting you and your 2000+ year old book I don't believe in <3#They'd go 'well I turned out fine!' then say something that directly contradicts that#anyways I need christians to get their grubby little hands off the current state of Child Protection and Rights in the U.S.#So we can actually start working on helping kids without the force of christian hands suffocating them#cause homeschooling and child raising by evangelicals are so fucked up bro I'm tired of this shit#I'd only stay in my current state to help children get out of that cycle since I'm in the bible belt#ex christian#religious trauma#child abuse tw
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bonefall · 5 months
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As a big sibling with a lil sib with epilepsy, when they read TBC they Honestly thought if they got struck with lightning reciting the lord's prayer they'd be cured like Shadowsight is from their epilepsy. I had a discussion with them on how that's not how it works, but ge was so upset they took it away from Shadowsight that he hasn't picked the books back up and has stated that 'he hopes Ashfur wins and starts a new religion.,'
I do not even know how to respond to this besides saying that your little sibling is 100% right to be pissed and I now also hope Ashfur wins and starts a new religion.
#Legit I did not know that Shadow's epilepsy being taken away was so deeply upsetting to SO MANY people#I put it back because putting it back was just the right thing to do (even asked the small following I had at the time what type to portray#(they picked the full tonic-clonics. I would have just done localized or absence if they'd asked me to)#And I did all that research for one single anon who asked for an epilepsy herb guide#So holy cow I didn't know that SO MANY people were snubbed and upset by canon's choice to do that. I'm so sorry#Your little sib isn't missing anything btw they do just go on to confirm that Shadow no longer has seizures.#In book 4 of TBC they say that it was all Ash all along and that's what they've stuck with into ASC#I'm sitting on an essay about... That plot thread. The Ashfur Grooming one#But it's in my drafts because I was a bit afraid of controversy#because i think it was written poorly. Even on top of Book 4's pivot to retcon away Shadow's seizures#I know a lot of people like and are invested in the grooming subplot of TBC. But. I think it was executed AWFULLY#and its really telling that THIS is the plot they tout as grooming *by name* in-canon.--#--and that Shadow has to 'pay' for what he 'did' in some way as if there was ever a choice in the books they wrote--#--But seemingly didn't even seem to clock that what was happening in Spotted's H was grooming until there was intense backlash#and a big part of my contention is the way that Book 4 suddenly tries to retcon that Shadow was groomed from the time he was a child#when it was actually part of book 1 that Shadow was able to personally tell the difference between a real vision and Ash's suggestions--#--BECAUSE he didn't have an accompanying seizure#So like... just know it's also NOT just 'you' if you connected to the character that was epileptic. It WAS there. It was a BIG part of him#Book 4 retconned it so that his epilepsy was part of a long scheme when before that point it was part of him#''ohh ur destiny is to see into the shadows'' BULL SHIT!!#bone babble
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figs-oliomedley · 1 year
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I doubt Wu would train him against Misako’s wishes (see every episode of Season 1 before 10), but Lloyd would definitely come across them eventually
Plus given her mild reaction to Lloyd’s growth and the fact that he recognizes each her, she only left recently, when he was older
Plus plus, he would be safe at Darkly’s, Garmadon is literally Kruncha and Nuckal’s boss, they can’t hurt him
Were there better choices she could’ve made? Yes, but that doesn’t mean the choice she made was wrong.
Update: Turns out I’m a dipshit who forgot she leaves him when he’s young, ok :y
A lot of my points still stand though, albeit at a slightly different angle in some cases
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poke-poke-poke · 12 days
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finally back home after a tiring day - maybe a few minutes to relax won't hurt............
...
......zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
wip + 'lineart':
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hopefully when he wakes up, he'll wash his bedclothes... goomy slime + his shoes on the bed = no good------
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antianakin · 5 months
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I'll never understand how some fans are so incredibly willing to just be okay with "it happened in a timeskip" to excuse bad writing lol. Like "oh yeah these two characters who have been enemies for like four seasons of a TV show had their entire reconciliation OFF SCREEN in the time skip between episodes right at the end so it works" or "oh yeah this character who was left basically broken had their entire growth and development where they came to terms with the thing that broke them in the time skip so it works" kind of stuff. Like that's literally the ENTIRE emotional climax of a story that's been building for a while and you're FINE with not getting to actually SEE IT???
Can't relate.
#fandom wank#i'm so so tired of people telling me 'well it happened in the timeskip' when i get annoyed about something#like a character doing a personality 180#or a character suddenly changing their mind about something that was really important to them#or literal wholeass character development that's integral to this character's story#there are some things that can happen in a timeskip and some shit that CANNOT#like imagine if luke had NEVER confronted yoda or obi-wan about keeping the truth of his parentage from him#like we come into rotj and they're just fine and it's never addressed#like luke's just never mad and they never even have a convo about it#imagine how unsatisfying it would feel to have had that massive bombshell dropped without any real payoff to it#imagine never actually getting to see luke work through that particular revelation or how it impacts these relationships#and they were just like 'well it happened in-between movies'#it would SUCK#you NEED those convos in order to actually understand how luke fully comes to accept the truth about anakin#because even if he's calmer by rotj he's still upset by it a bit#only by TALKING to yoda and obi-wan does he actually get to the point where he has total faith in anakin's goodness#we HAVE to see that he's still frustrated about this and still working thru it#we cannot fucking skip it#i'm willing to accept that he's calmer about it due to the timeskip but not that he's already worked thru it all#there's a fucking difference
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lumensuperbis · 7 months
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someone will die ... OF FUN
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chrissysky · 19 days
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ya'll. this isn't even the first time gosho turned a pairing into kissing cousins. and they were a het pairing.
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drysaladandketchup · 2 months
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22 Mattdrai please
Thank you anon! I hope you enjoy :)
22. things you said after it was over
Last year, it was Matthew's precious Flames that got punted out of the playoffs. To add insult to injury, it was at the hands of the Oilers. Which is why, that same night, he sent Leon a slew of drunken texts from some dingy downtown bar because he was not in the mood to even look at Leon, let alone go home with him.
Those texts included one declaring they were breaking up, which Leon didn't take to heart because not even five minutes later he got another message assuring him that no they were not actually breaking up Matthew was just going to hate him for the next 48 hours. That, Leon could handle.
Hell, he'd probably have gone for 72 hours. Minimum. And he had to rest his ankle anyways, if he wanted any chance of seeing ice-time the next game. He'd be there when Matthew was ready.
This year, it's the Oilers who go out first.
Leon just barely keeps it together through the post-game media frenzy. He doesn't want to look at the cameras, barely keeps the shudder from his voice, which is little more than a whimper because he just can’t breathe. Hunkered down with his hood up because it feels safe, the only barrier between him and a world that just crushed his dream. Again.
It's not like he can be mad at Matthew, because he fucked off to Florida, a whole other division, so Leon has no excuse for not answering any of his texts, or the six separate times Matthew tried to call after Vegas knocked Edmonton on it's ass.
Only once Leon's back home for the night, drained and exhausted and dazed, refusing to go out with Connor and the guys because he really, really doesn't want to exist right now, does he look at his phone.
Cuddling Bowie in his arms, he sits on the couch and scrolls through the avalanche of texts from Matthew. The last one catches him off guard, and he stares at it, reading it over and over.
come down and see me. please.
And... yeah. Through the doom and gloom of another lost season, he misses Matthew. Matthew, who's season isn't done. Matthew, who doesn't need Leon, but wants him. Wants him to be there.
So Leon books a flight to Florida, and starts packing.
The next day he goes in early for clear-out, says his goodbyes, and drives right to the airport. After an almost nine hour flight--including a layover in Denver that's great for his legs but not his morale--he lands in Fort Lauderdale just as the sun hits the horizon.
Matthew's waiting for him at Arrivals, dressed in board shorts and sandals and button-down shirt, sunglasses and that damn bucket hat. He smiles when he sees Leon, waves, and the simplicity of it chips away at the heavy stone sitting on Leon's chest. He always breathes better when he's with Matthew.
"What, not even a sign?" Leon calls out once he's in earshot. "I thought you were excited to see me?"
Matthew slaps the brim of Leon's hat down over his eyes. "Next time I'll bring confetti canons and air horns."
And fuck, just hearing Matthew's voice again without a phone between them lifts a weight off Leon's shoulders. It almost makes the defeat worth it.
His hands are too empty suddenly. He wants to hold Matthew's, wrap him up in his arms, touch him anywhere and everywhere, inside and out. Replenish old memories, make new ones. Never let go again.
Matthew gets the jump on him once they're in his car, dragging Leon over the center console by his shirt and into a sloppy kiss. It's all tongue and teeth, scratchy beard and plush lips, and as always, it's perfect. This too, aches like a phantom pain when they're on opposite ends of the continent. Phone sex and a bit of imagination with his own hand can't totally replace the sex, but it definitely can't replace the sweetness of a kiss.
When he pulls back, Matthew looks like he's going to immediately drop the one thing Leon really doesn't want to hear--the dreaded I'm sorry about what happened--so he jumps first.
"I missed you."
If Matthew knows he's purposely being cut off, he doesn't show it. He bumps their foreheads together and closes his eyes, like he's just soaking Leon in.
"Missed you too."
As the dusk fades to night, they drive, and drive, and drive. Not to Matthew's house, that's immediately obvious, but Leon doesn't ask where they're going. He slumps in the passenger's seat, leg tucked up against the dashboard, and goes between watching palm trees and glistening waterfront, to watching Matthew.
He tries not to think about hockey, but it was a long and restless flight, and Matthew's got a stupid little air freshener shaped like skates, and the playoffs aren't actually over, so of course the first thing Leon says to break the silence is, "When's your next game?"
Matthew taps his fingers on the steering wheel in time with the music playing on the radio. "Thursday. Against Carolina. We're flying out the day after tomorrow."
"Hmm. So what are we doing with all that time?"
"Fucking, hopefully." Matthew glances sidelong at him, tongue poking between his teeth. "At least for part of it. I still have practice, and you need to relax."
"What am I doing while you're gone?"
"Waiting for me to come back? You can stay at my place. Come to the games when we're at home. My family's going to drop in too, so, you know, be prepared for that."
Won't be Leon's first tangle with the Tkachuks. Pretty sure he's an honorary member of the family at this point, even if he still struggles to keep up with the energy they bring to a room. Not that he minds.
The rest of the drive is quiet enough that Leon dozes off. When he wakes up, groggy with jet lag, it's dark aside from the street lights, and Matthew is pulling into a parking lot up from a small, deserted beach. Leon doesn't know which one; there's so many here. He follows Matthew out of the car and down the promenade, down the stone steps to the sand, where grains slip between his toes and the sound of the waves soothes the storm in his own head.
Which is exactly why Matthew brought him here; somewhere secluded, somewhere that can't hurt him. Because Leon loves the ocean, and Matthew loves him.
He follows Matthew along the beach, going nowhere in particular. Matthew walks purposefully nonetheless, head high and shoulders back, warm breeze tugging at his clothes and ruffling his curls. Something Leon loves to do too, and can't wait to do again.
This place looks good on Matthew. If only it weren't so far away.
"I'm glad you came," Matthew says over his shoulder, slowing until Leon catches up. "I wasn't sure you would."
Why not? The year-round heat and the beaches and the seemingly endless bars are a nice change of pace. But more importantly, this is where Matthew is. Of course he was going to come.
"Beats sitting around re-watching the second round wondering what we could have done differently," Leon says instead, because it's true, and because he doesn't need to tell Matthew what he already knows.
"Hey, that's not a bad thing. But it's not what you need right now." Matthew swallows, takes an uneven breath like he's the one getting choked up. "I saw your interview yesterday. After the game. Leon, you know I didn't call you down here for me, right? Don't get me wrong, I'd fucking love for you to be here watching us play, but the way you sounded... I was worried you'd end up sitting around your house all alone and depressed."
"I'm not depressed. And I wasn't going to. I was planning on going back home."
"Great, so you can mope around in Germany instead."
"I wouldn't have been alone."
"Much as I love Bowie, he doesn't count, babe."
Leon stops walking, staring at the sand until Matthew stops too, turning back and right into Leon's space to block the wind, which has taken on a chill.
"Leon--"
"Our season's over, Matthew," he mutters. "I really thought we could... I didn't want it to end here."
Matthew sighs, but his eyes are sympathetic. "Yeah. I know. But you're not done. There's always next year. And a bunch more after that."
The same platitudes, every time. It's empty words. Leon knows it. Matthew knows it. But what else is there to say? You fall, you get back up, you try again. Rinse and repeat. That's what this league is.
In any other circumstance, Matthew would probably make some crack about the Oilers and how assuming you guys can actually get your shit together, you may have a chance, but it's, you know, fucking Edmonton, so...
But he's being kind for Leon's sake. Because Matthew's forked tongue turns to silk when he's off the ice. He's so gentle at times like this, handling Leon with kid gloves like he thinks he'll shatter if he so much as breathes too hard.
"I'm just getting tired of it always being 'next year'," Leon admits easily, because it is easy with Matthew. "Every time we come close, we get knocked down. It feels like shit. I'm fucking tired of it."
Every time he climbs the ladder, he tastes victory. The higher the wrung, the sweeter it is. And every time he falls, there's a tiny part of him that worries he'll never get his feet off the ground again.
"Hey." Matthew cups his cheek, forcing Leon to look him in the eye, into pale blues that dance and shine even in the dark. "You're not giving up on me, are you?"
The question catches him so off guard Leon jerks like he's been struck.
"What? No. Fuck no. The hell kind of question is that?"
Quitting has never even crossed his mind. He didn't come into this league thinking it would be easy. He's worked his ass off to get where he is, and sure he's got his own liabilities to work through, but he'll keep going until something gives out.
"Good. Just making sure." Matthew looks so damn smug, but Leon's learned to find that endearing too. "Only place left to go is up, right?"
Right. Leon said something like that to Matthew, once. You win or you lose. Only two options. If you lose, then all you can do next time is win. If you win, you keep winning until you make it to the top. Anger into action, failure into fortune.
Matthew's hand slips down Leon's forearm, searching for his hand, but stops when Leon flinches, and brushes a callused thumb back and forth over the bruise there.
"This from Pietrangelo?"
Leon huffs. "Maniac, yeah. It's fine. It wasn't as bad as it looked."
"Want me to rough him up a little if I see him down the line? My treat. Actually, it'd be my pleasure."
There's that blinding confidence. The Matthew that's going to ensure they blow right past Carolina, through Dallas or Vegas, and raise the Cup. Who's dumb enough to argue with him?
"If you want." Leon's almost too tired to smile, but he tries anyways.
And Matthew softens too, cheeks pinked and teeth showing between his parted lips. It's hard to think back to a time when he would never look at Leon like this; like he's so fucking in love with him it's physically impossible to hide it. Leon can only imagine how he looks to Matthew.
"I'll make you another deal while we're at it," Matthew says.
"A deal or a promise?" Leon knows what's coming, because he knows Matthew. His heart still jumps up into his throat.
"I'll win the Cup for you."
They've learned to say I love you in a million different ways. Somehow, they keep finding new ones.
It's so stupid. Matthew's not arrogant. But then again, he seems to be playing a game no one else is, in a way no one else can. He oozes confidence and bleeds charisma, possesses the kind of karma that can change destinies.
If anyone could actually say it, and do it, it's Matthew. Damn if Leon doesn't believe it, too.
So all he has to do is smile, nod, and say, "Okay."
"Just to be clear," Matthew says, "I'm not doing it for the Oilers. I'm doing it for you. And for me and the Cats, obviously. Maybe... maybe a little more for me and the Cats. No offence, babe."
Leon snorts. "It's fine. It's yours. You earned it."
"So have you." Damn right he has. "Shit just sucks sometimes."
Leon scoffs and rolls his eyes to whatever unseeing deity keeps fucking him over. But he's done wallowing. He's got something so much better standing right in front of him.
"You said this was a deal." Leon tugs him closer, one hand cupping the back of Matthew's head, pressing the words against his mouth. "So what do you want from me?"
Matthew smiles under his lips. "I just want you to be there to see it."
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