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finalcreacher · 3 years

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From The Earth to The Morgue - Chapter 1

A/N- Basically...this is a Klaus x Artist! Reader...and y’all are both recovering addicts? Well, not so much Klaus. Not yet, at least.

T/W- I don’t think they are any major warnings this chapter? The rest of the series will have some very heavy topics though.

Oh. and gender-neutral reader! :D

Word Count: 1,825

They fiddle the pen back and forth between their fingers, trying to stop themselves from moving it too quickly- they had dropped it too many times to count, and they think their fellow meeting members(all seated in their banged-up, metal folding chairs) were getting tired of them asking for the pen beneath their seat. It was better for everyone than the tapping though, or the clicking. Everyone except them, the noise and the motion of their hands helped them get through the meetings. Drawing was better than all other options though, it's why they had the pen, and the notebook. Doodling the other meeting members helped keep them focused, but not enough to get lost in the meeting and the message- just enough to listen.

Roaming the room with their eyes, they spot a tall, scrawny man, who appeared new to this particular group spot. He had haunted dark brown eyes, and deep circles underneath them from lack of sleep. He fidgets with his hands and pulls against the edges of his coat, he looks around nervously- on edge. They knew the feeling, but what seemed odd, was how he kept looking back to the same empty spot beside him. Staring, and whispering, and they'd be more worried if this wasn't their second year in Narcotics Anonymous.

Many strange and unsettling things occurred, and they were sure they might have had an occasion or two similar to this in the past. Maybe not a talk to the air type- but definitely a “I've taken too much and I think I can see the walls moving”, type. They didn't much enjoy talking about that, though. However, the man seems okay with this, and very comfortable talking. Not freaked and scared. Almost as if there really was someone else there- someone familiar.

They shake it off, noticing his dark fashion again, ripped along the ends, threads pulled loose. It seems far too many years old- but not beyond repair. A little TLC would do it wonders. They chuckle at the thought of helping him. Mending the jacket in their room, having him splayed across the mattress, bare arms and chest taunting them. It made them shiver.

There was an aura around the man that they hadn't felt before. Part of them wondered if there was a ghost next to him- which was silly, the average person couldn't tell those kinds of things. Then again, compared to most, Y/n wasn’t a very average person. Though they’d like to think they are.

Eccentric was boring, and normal was good.

They glance around the room once more, but finally settle on the man again. Taking in every feature, how his hair parted, and twisted in far too many directions, and how it looked all shaggy. They start with a quick sketch, and then a simple doodle of his eyes- sad and tired. They supposed everyone's eyes looked a little sad and tired, as did their own, but his were worse. There was something far more horrifying behind them.

Then, they begin to draw a soft, nearly invisible figure, standing behind the first full body sketch. They rub their fingers against it, successfully smudging it. It feels ominous.

A feeling of coldness washes over them, making their arm hairs stand on end. They don't pay much mind to it- only making a small note of it in their head. They look back up from the paper, and notice the aura is gone from the man. Even the dead get bored sometimes.

When they look down, the paper creases like it would if touched too harshly. They had been so careful though, unless- they flash a smile to the air behind them, hoping the spirit would get the message. The cold leaves again, and the goosebumps that appeared on their arms, began to settle. They spend the rest of the meeting doodling- perking up again as they see everyone begin to leave.

They leave they're bag seated on the chair, and run up to the man before he can successfully slip out of the room.

"Hey!" He doesn't seem to notice, and continues. "Hey, you're Klaus, right?"

He stops in his tracks, and gives an odd look over his shoulder to them. Spinning on his heels to face the stranger.

"Oh- indeed I am, darling. Who's asking?" He grins.

"I wanted to give you this," Y/n brings up their notebook, flipping to the right page, and gently tears it from the binding. They fold it down into a small square. "Here, I think your companion will appreciate it. It's Y/n, by the way."

He looks wide eyed at them, "My companion?"

They simply smile. "I'll see you next meeting, okay?"

He blinks at them, but they're off to retrieve their bag and already walking out the door before he can say anything.

Klaus was overjoyed as he got back to the apartment he was staying at- the place of some guy he was hooking up with- pulling the slip of paper from his pocket. Smoothing out the creases as he delicately laid it on his lap.

He couldn't help to feel that Y/n drew him beautiful. He was all skin and bones, ribs poking through his skin, face hollowed. But the way his lips pursed on the page, and his eyelids were gracefully shut, lashes playfully falling with them. The hands seemed to softly play with a string on his overcoat. He'd never looked like that, he was always too many meals overdue and shaky.

He runs a finger along the piece, making sure to avoid ruining it. Ben, who had been leaning over Klaus' shoulder, finally murmurs against his ear.

"What?"

Ben scoffs, but gives him a warm smile anyways. "I said, they're pretty good."

"Yeah."

"Are you going to the next meeting?"

"Why would- oh, for Y/n? They are pretty cute," he teases.

Ben shakes his head, frowning. "For yourself. Putting some effort into this would help you, you know."

"God, I'm offended, Ben."

"Also, for Y/n, though,” Ben admits. “I think they saw me."

"No shit," he says, wide-eyed and happy.

"I think they smiled at me," Ben's smile is brighter than Klaus had seen it for months, maybe even years. The thought sent a painful twinge through his body.

Klaus hadn't been to very many consecutive meetings. He'd been to so many types of meetings, numerous times, but they never quite stuck. He never really tried. He supposes he wasn't even trying now- he was just curious. This stranger saw Ben- or, at the very least, knew Ben was there. He had never seen Ben look so genuinely happy for something in the last eleven years than now. His eyes seemingly glowed at the prospects of being noticed.

He didn't want to get Ben's Hope's up, though. He hadn't been paying attention to the meeting too closely, nor had he seen you or your supposed interactions with his brother. He tried to get Ben to understand that you were probably crazy or just seeing things from the drugs. I mean, this is for addicts, Ben.

Ben seemed mostly bothered- annoyed- by him, than anything else. Insisting that the two of them head back for the next meeting. Klaus whined and groaned, and tried to protest- but he couldn't say no, not to Ben. At least, not for this. He'd gone against Ben's wishes countless times before.

He gets there early that day. Enough so that most people had filtered in, but the last minute ones still had a chance to get in. He'd thought Y/n would be early, but frowned at the sea of unfamiliarity. He takes one of the empty seats in the circle, absentmindedly placing one hand on the seat next to him, the other pulling at his jacket. His fingers hurt as they desperately pinch together, attempting to clutch the material between each other.

Y/n finds themself seated next to Klaus, wordlessly laying a hand over his, feeling him slowly stop the painful fidgeting. He doesn't hold back, as they cup they're hand around his- but he does let out a content and comfortable sigh. He's about to mention it, when they let go, taking out the notebook from yesterday- the meeting supervisor begins talking.

He finds himself zoning out for most of the meeting. The light sounds of your pen hitting your paper, and the tapping of feet, and droning voices filter through his head.

Ben doesn’t bother him much, a few words here and there, but mostly Ben found himself hovering over Y/n’s shoulder. Watching them make every gentle line, and rounded dot- making even the harshest of members appear softer, and human. (Not that they weren’t, but some members appeared so sickly or dressed too crazy, that their features began to morph into something else entirely). He admired the work in silent joy, smiling back whenever they would look towards him- though he still wasn’t certain if they could see him or not.

It’s a comment or two from another member, digging up moments from their past, when the meeting nears its end and Klaus’ anxiety hits him with full force. He was most often able to mask his feelings and play it off- but he was here, with them. He couldn’t risk making a scene. He’s all bouncy legs and a shivering body as he tries getting his mind off the meeting- off the years of his childhood he did not want to remember.

Klaus starts pinching his fingers again, till they’re white and he can feel his bones ache. Y/n doesn’t even look over, as they clumsily move their hand to stop him, this time keeping it on top long after he had stopped. They continue drawing with the other, scratching down quick lines- Klaus recognizes the figure as the supervisor. Clean-shaven face, hair dark and combed back professionally. It doesn’t have a background, maybe a line or two- and it doesn’t sport another character like Klaus’ portrait did. And, as he looks closer, it doesn’t radiate the same feeling, either. Whether that was how they felt towards the supervisor, or just today, was unbeknownst to him. What he knew though was that his was soft and kind, and this one felt dark and heavy.

He tries asking about it, and they merely respond by attempting to turn his attention back to the meeting. Anywhere that wasn’t their paper. Klaus leaves a mental note to ask about it again later, thinking maybe they would react differently if the two of them weren’t in the middle of something. He’s afraid it will haunt him if he doesn’t. All your actions so far seem to do that to him. Puzzle him, make it hard to think about anything else- keep him up as he tries to fall asleep at night. They’re mysterious, and he wants to know more.

He likes that.

#klaus hargreeves x reader #klaus hargreeves #reader insert #reader insert fic #tua #tua x reader #tua fic #fanfic #fanfiction #the umbrella academy x reader #the umbrella academy #ben hargreeves #tw drug mention #drug mention tw #tw addiction mention #addiction mention tw #multi-chapter fic #reblogs are encouraged !!#feedback is awesome !!

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handthigh · 4 years

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Soooo I may or may not have gone crazy and gone stupid and wrote a whole ass one shot fanfic of Tianshan in the office AU

ETA: this is now also available at AO3! (ETA 2: This is now a multichapter fic!)

Big thanks to the people over at Tianshan discord for taking a read and giving me the feedback. The fic follows right after this paragraph, with notes at the end of the fic.

He Tian (Work):

Little Mo, pass me a stapler (6:35pm)

Frowning at the message notification, Mo Guan Shan wordlessly takes the stapler lying on his desk and wheels his chair out of his cubicle to pass to his next door neighbour who grins upon receiving the stationery from the redhead. The reciprocity is not returned however, as Guan Shan wheels back into his cubicle to complete a report the supervisor had dumped onto him 15 minutes before the time he ends work. It is already bad enough that he is working overtime on a Friday while being the only one stuck with He Tian, the last thing he needs is for the annoying colleague to interrupt his progress.

The report turns out even more taxing than expected, further souring Guan Shan’s mood. He glanced at the time displayed on the laptop, “6:55pm”. Great, the report’s barely done and closing time sale at the nearby sandwich shop is already over. So much for a “quick task”, he scoffs bitterly at his supervisor’s words.

As if He Tian can read his mind, comes another text:

He Tian (Work):

Little Mo, are you cursing out the boss in your head again? (6:57pm)

Damn it, not another interruption. Glancing at the new message, Guan Shan cringes at the accuracy of the guess. Guilt quickly turns into irritation however, as he glares at the cubicle separating him and the culprit of these messages. This has been going on for about 3 months now, ever since he was assigned to be seated with He Tian at the corner of the office. The reason? The supervisor claims that only the short tempered Guan Shan is immune to the raven haired’s hunky looks while workers of all genders in their department are too busy admiring He Tian to work productively. Guan Shan tries to suppress his gag upon the memory.

First of all, Guan Shan does not appreciate being called short tempered. He just has little patience and a lot of irritation for mindless small talks and forced formalities, that’s all. Second of all, seriously? Of all words, hunky? While Guan Shan admits that He Tian is a looker because after all, he has eyes; but that is certainly an exaggeration. Sure, He Tian has the physique and face for the magazine covers, but he’s not that good looking. Especially not when he assigns Guan Shan that stupid nickname and constantly texts him for no justifiable reasons despite already repeating many times that he only wants to reserve the texting to a minimum and keep it strictly to work matters.

Wait, what the fuck? Why is he thinking about him again? Ugh, this is why he emphasises on keeping social interactions to a minimum! The report and the constant texting must have really gotten to him, because the next thing he knew, Guan Shan picks up his phone and types at his source of annoyance.

Me:

Yes, genius. Since you’re so smart and volunteered to OT with me, why don’t you make yourself useful and help me out with the report then you chicken dick! (7:05pm)

Normally Guan Shan tries to keep his temper in check, wanting to believe he is no longer the moody middle school boy that he was. Besides, this is the first job he managed to get right after graduating university 6 months ago, just in time before the recession. Thus, he is not trying to screw up an opportunity just because he got involved in some petty office drama. However, the combination of working overtime, growing hunger and unnecessary buzzing of his phone followed by He Tian’s unnecessary messages is making Guan Shan throw both caution and formalities out the window.

He is not the only one surprised by his own outburst however, as He Tian guffaws and rolls his chair out of the cubicle to meet the redhead, currently glaring at him and asking what’s so funny.

“Chicken dick? What kind of insult is that? Also, I dunno, I just thought you’d never asked me for help.” He Tian replies with a shrug and his signature grin.

He Tian is not wrong - Guan Shan seldom asks for help, believing that it’s better to be self-sufficient than to rely on someone else. Furthermore, it allows him to avoid having to keep up with forced interactions with others. But it’s getting late and the report doesn’t seem to be finishing soon, and there is someone in the office right now, might as well right?

“So are you going to help me or not?”

“Sure, anything for you Little Mo~”

“Stop calling me that! Give me your email, I’ll share the document with you on the cloud.”

So, here they are at 7:30pm, working in a shared online document together - cubicle to cubicle. Guan Shan mainly typing out the content of the report while He Tian formats, elaborates and adds any figures and charts where appropriate; explaining his rationale to the other while he works.

As Guan Shan sees the report transform before his very own eyes, he is now confronted with the thought he’s been trying to will away for 3 days, ever since he overheard the company executives discuss whether to promote He Tian.

As much as he hates admitting it, He Tian is talented and hardworking when situations call for it. Not only is he able to easily handle the tedious formatting that is typically required of such reports, he also goes the extra mile of further perfecting any tasks assigned to him. It also helps that he has great social networking skills to accompany his equally great looks, not only charming the other coworkers around them, but also clients and other company staff alike in network events.

Attempting to ignore the ache of admiration growing in his chest, Guan Shan wonders why is someone as good as He Tian working at an entry level job like him in a medium sized company when the latter can easily negotiate for a much higher salary in a conglomerate. What he heard about his raven haired coworker isn’t helping much with his curiosity either.

While Guan Shan prefers minding his own business, he also doesn’t live under a rock. He has heard the rumours - that He Tian had interned for various big names while he attended an Ivy League business school and graduated a valedictorian. He was also rumoured to be taking over his family’s multinational company branch in China while his older brother gets based overseas to look over their international branches. Yet somehow, here he is, working overtime in a too small cubicle with an aloof coworker who has nothing to boast for. After all, Guan Shan’s resume mainly consists of mediocre grades in a local university that is far from being a C9 League, one proper internship experience and multiple part time odd jobs to help him pay his student loans.

He Tian has everything going for him, and yet, why? Guan Shan is so lost in his own thoughts that he does not notice an arm reaching out to his laptop and folding it down, clasping his fingers that are resting motionlessly on the keyboard.

“Ouch! What the fuck?!” Guan Shan stands up and yelps in shock, spinning around to glare at the culprit. This proves to be a mistake as he realises he is face to face with He Tian, barely an inch away.

Suddenly, the room feels hot and all Guan Shan can hear is his heart rapidly beating in his ears as he sees a totally different expression from the latter: lips twitching up, high cheekbones raised making them even more pronounced, coupled with a pair of grey eyes sparkling and curving in childish amusement. Even though he knows that He Tian is laughing at his expense, somehow, Guan Shan could not bring himself to break eye contact, wanting to look as long as possible until he commits He Tian’s genuine smile to memory.

“Earth to Little Mo, I said I was done with the report and had emailed our supervisor, and was thinking of treating you to a sandwich as a thanks for your effort.” He Tian replies, amusement laced in his voice as he breaks the silence.

“...How do you know I like…” Guan Shan dumbly replies, still feeling overwhelmed by the close contact to even retort He Tian as he feels his face getting even hotter.

Breaking eye contact, He Tian steps to the side and fishes out his car key, hooking the key ring to his finger. As much as he finds his flustered colleague both amusing and endearing, he makes sure to give Guan Shan some space in case the other gets too stunned and passes out. “Well, who else in this office eats those except for you? So what do you say, it'll be my treat and I can drive us there.” He Tian says as he leans back on the cubicle wall, spinning the car key around.

“.... Uh… mm” Guan Shan nodded, feeling too light headed to speak properly.

“Let’s go then.” He Tian steps out of the cubicle, making his way out as he turns off the office lights.

Guan Shan’s mind is reeling as he follows He Tian from behind. Why is he suddenly reacting like this? Why did he agree to have dinner with him? Most importantly, WHY IS HE SUDDENLY HAVING SUCH THOUGHTS OF THAT ANNOYING CHICKEN DICK?

God, he hates working overtime.

Notes:

If you made it here, thanks for reading! I’ve been wanting to write a fluffier, slice of life office romance with Tianshan for quite awhile now - an AU with no mafia drama, no She Li being a creep, just coworkers dicking around and relatively normal problems here and there. I only committed after getting reminded of this official Tianshan art by Old Xian on the discord. Aside from 19 days, I also draw inspiration from a webcomic called Senpai ga Uzai, Kouhai no Hanashi. I’m a huge sucker of slow burn fluffy Tianshan where Guan Shan is initially annoyed at He Tian and slowly and reluctantly falls for him. Hehehehehehehehe *continues to laugh in fujoshi*

Not going to lie, I do feel nervous posting it. However, after seeing many Tianshan fics (they are good! don’t get me wrong) that doesn’t have a workplace AU, I thought I’d manifest it onto the internet space! Do let me know what you think, as I am considering expanding this into a multi-fic once I stop being lazy.

#19 days #he tian #mo guan shan #tianshan #fanfic #office au #oxian #old xian

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glittercndgcld · 3 years

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( 𝑑𝑒𝑟𝑒𝑘 𝑥 𝑣𝑖𝑐𝑘𝑦 )

📲 text messages | @xboutlxstnightmuses

vicky yooooooooo, stud I need my Derek time when am I going to get it????:smiling_face_with_3_hearts::smiling_face_with_3_hearts::smiling_face_with_3_hearts:

derek Might not be for a bit, smalls. Duty calls and something tells me that I might be MIA for a while. How are things going?

vicky :scream::scream::scream: oh no!!!! Der-Der is everything okay? you know the usual bitch-fighting about yoga book manuscripts stress-inducing....but kind of addicted to it

derek Oh, yeah. You know the job. Has me running around like a chicken without a head more often than not. But everythings fine, yeah. No worries. You're still doing that? Sounds annoying as hell. I mean, are yoga books really that important?

vicky I am so sorry about that :( I can be some sort of distraction while you are busy at work? not with Drew. NEVER with Drew. #beingsarcastic that didn't make ANY sense my last brain cells are so done with me and YES yoga is pretty important. My author has a lot more chances than Drew has...and ... my author told me that he is going to a different publishing company if i don't give him the job which I can't do anything about that.

derek It's alright. I mean, if I didn't love it, I'd be in a different line of work. I work best under pressure, anyways. Or in the midst of danger, apparently. If this kid sees me with my phone, I fear he might try to throw it out of the window like I did his. But I always enjoy hearing from you, so text me whenever. I've got a feeling I'll have some time on my hands, anyways. Isn't that the same woman you mentioned last time around? And the time before that. Is it though? I mean, I wouldn't know, but what I do know, is I'm always team confetti, so I'm rooting for you, smalls. Well, that book better stand out then.

vicky why did you throw his phone off the window? What did he do? Who is this kid? yes yes and yes and also I love her losing face. It is adorable. 20% of the reason that i keep doing that is that her losing face is exteemely adorable Did i mention adorable???? THANKS!!!!! TEAM CONFETTI FOR THE WIN :confetti_ball::confetti_ball::confetti_ball::tada::tada::tada::tada:

derek Work reasons. Also the fact I can't say much is also due to work reasons. You think her losing face is adorable? Almost sounds like you like the girl. Always team confetti for the win! I'll send a bottle of champagne for celebration.

vicky how old is this "kid"? I like competing with her....and also, I have eyes. She is gorgeous but also annoying my heart belongs to my just-lovely-tinder girl though

derek I don’t know. Early 30s, maybe. Gorgeous and annoying, huh? Annoying is hard to get past. You’re still talking to that girl? I think you mentioned her before? Or was this a different girl?

vicky Interesting. Very interesting. You did give me a fright there when you said "kid". I do get emotional about cases with actual kids. Whatever this case you're involved in is, I think you might get distracted by this "kid". More with me texting. especially, if like...he's cute. Not saying that you should act on anything. But you have eyes....and WHAT PRETTY EYES YOU GOT....you can just look at him. If he's cute, he might get you distracted, as well and time will pass faster? And do send details to aunt Vicky, here. I mean I can only imagine the situation. But do think of the positive aspect of things only. And also chill a bit. Work duties and all, buuuut SO hard to get past. Especially, when I feel like she starts the whole situation. We do butt heads a lot when we are together with our supervisor. But it continues after we get out, and it's like she's poking me with a stick EVERY TIME. Yeah, it's still the same girl, I've talked you about. We get along pretty fine. But, I don't know why I'm so hesitant in meeting her.

derek Good god, Vicky. I love you, but you talk too much. You know I call almost everyone younger than me 'kid'. Except you. You're smalls & confetti - those stuck. I can appreciate pretty faces without being distracted. There won't be any sort of details to tell. And what are the positive aspects here? That he's pretty? I am chill! But this is work. I can't just 'be chill' in my line of work. Why do I feel like you both poke each other with a stick? I know you, smalls. Too well. Ah, I say just do it. Take that chance and meet her. You don't have much to lose. I mean, life goes on unchanged without her if you don't like her much after you meet.

vicky Sooooo he IS pretty?!?!? you know what I mean!!! Don’t let work stop you from what your heart :hearts: wants. even if that is just to look at pretty boys at your line of work I am not allowed to know the situation...so how am I supposed to know what other aspects it has? okay maybe we do. But SHE starts it. that is so wise!!! okay maybe I will ask her out

derek He's easy on the eyes, sure. My heart has absolutely nothing to do with this conversation. This is work, Vicky. That's it. When I'm at work, I'm not exactly admiring pretty boys. There's a lot more important things that require my full, undivided attention. You aren't. I can't say... really anything about it. Oh, I don't believe that she ALWAYS starts it. I feel like you might play a hand or two now and again. Do it. Hope it goes well.

vicky AAAAWWWW :sunglasses::sunglasses::sunglasses::sunglasses::sunglasses::sunglasses::sunglasses::sunglasses::sunglasses::sunglasses: Maybe...no matter what the new mission is, you just....broaden the boundaries of it and just stare at that pretty boy. If you come in contact with him, of course. If you don't , still.... you can stare at him later? oh hush!!!! When did I ever played a hand or two in fights? :upside_down::upside_down::upside_down: wish me luck. I will probably send her a message soon

derek Broaden the boundaries? What does that even mean? We're sorta stuck together for an indefinite amount of time, and I think he's going to drive me crazy. Literally. I might go crazy. Pretty or not, he doesn't ever shut up and it's annoying as hell. Yeah, right. Plenty of times, I'm almost sure. Good luck, then! Let me know how it goes.

vicky :face_with_hand_over_mouth: :face_with_hand_over_mouth: :face_with_hand_over_mouth: Did you just partly reveal to me what is going on? I swear if they're going to ask me, I'm going to pretend that I don't know!!! AH see though; I know what advice I should give though. Like yes, you're stuck with him for an indefinite amount of time. Take advantage of that. Like, to the very least, make a new friend. I'm not asking you to do anything else. EVEN if you can, if your superiors won't learn about it:eggplant: :eggplant: :eggplant: I doubt you could be driven that crazy. I mean, it's you. You're too calm and serious sometimes. Have you ever done that type of job before and you know how other people react? Maybe all people react that way. I am not going to comment on that Thank you :heart: yes, I will let you know! WAIT We aren't going to meet for New Year's ?

derek No! I didn't. That isn't even a fraction of what's going on right now. You'd better act like you don't know a damn thing... because you don't. Why would i want to take advantage of that? I mean, that's assuming I even like this guy a little bit... he's a bit much. PLEASE DON'T SEND ME THE EGGPLANT EMOJI RIGHT NOW I absolutely could be driven that crazy And I'm also a bit irritable right now. I don't see that going away anytime soon. No, I think he's just that annoying. No, confetti. It doesn't look like we are. Rain check for next New Year's though.

vicky I don't really believe you. You kind of told me what your duties are. And I've probably read more crime novels than you have :stuck_out_tongue: So, I can guess. Definitely though-I don't know anything. YES ALL THE EGGPLANT EMOJIS Do you have to like the guy that much to just to the deed with him? You know attraction is EVERYTHING; if you think he's handsome go for it. Why does he annoy you that much? Aw :frowning: It's okay; once you're out of all that situation, we can pretend it's new year's in one of our sleepovers?

derek It isn't! There is so much more to it. You probably couldn't guess to save your life. And I'd prefer if you didn't. NO EGGPLANT EMOJIS ACTUALLY There will be no doing the deed with anyone. I'm literally working right now. Omg, Vicky. I am not sleeping with him. Because he IS annoying. Yeah, I guess we'll have to do that. Because like i said, I have no idea how long I'll be gone.

vicky oh right. can't you do the deed while you are work? You will probably not do the deed anyway for the next months so why don't you consider doing it with someone that you find easyontheeyes :sunglasses: I have slept with a lot of annoying people- it helped with the tension later on, not to attack them :smirk::stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

derek :man_facepalming: Are we really talking about my sex life right now? No sex will be had. I'm working. That's it. I can see how that would help, but again - it's work. I shouldn't even be talking about that sort of thing let alone thinking about it.

vicky Maybe? How long has it been since you've been in some kind of sexy situation? fiiiiine then work But aunt Vicky will always be here to listen what you have to say about this easyontheeyes guy you are working with

derek Only a couple of months. Not very long, but at the same time, too long. How you get me to talk about my sex life is ridiculous. We aren't working together. I'm babysitting him. There's a difference.

vicky Still a lot. But are you usually able to hold yourself in times of work and wanting to act on it hmm? :thinking: I know right? I need to write a book about that :rofl: BABYSITTING....??? You know better but that is not the kind of work that you can't indulge on things and maybe relax. Let your eyes at least wonder and wander both match in my head :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

derek Hey, hey, smalls - you’re putting words in my mouth. I never said I wanted to act on it. On anything. Because there’s nothing TO act one *on Basically. Yes. Babysitting. My eyes can wander, but that’s it. I think it’s wander :thinking:

vicky I am not putting things in your mouth, honey. I am just talking in general. It has been a while so after some point you have to act on those urges if it's with the easyontheeyes guy suuuuure go for it you already know that you have my blessings :wink::wink::wink: Okay, AT LEAST your eyes wander

derek You definitely are. I didn't say that I want to act on anything. You're something else. Are you telling me that I need to get laid? I know I can be a grouch sometimes, have I been that bad - that you're subtly telling me that I need to get laid. Because I most definitely need your blessing to get laid :thinking: I'm uptight sometimes, but I'm still a man - my eyes wander a lot.

vicky You are not grouch.... But you got like sooo offended when I told you to act on it We have reached that point that maybe you need my blessings for that sure sure use those pretty eyes for that

derek I have my moments. I’m not offended, per se... I just mean, I’m working. If I wanted to sleep with him, Vicky, I would. With it without your blessing. But thank you? You’re something else. *With or without

vicky Erin says hi, by the way :wink: Use the work excuse one more time ... You're welcome :blush: Awww thank you- YES I am :hugging:

derek Oh? Tell her I said hello. How is she doing? It isn’t an excuse! It’s the reality of the situation I’m in. I am working. You absolutely are - like the little sister I never got.

vicky She's doing great :relaxed: We are thinking of going out for wine soon. I've been with people from work. We've all done it. Are you in some kind witness protection program? So if that is the case, you are basically playing house I wish I could be "working" LIKE THAT but :zipper_mouth: I won't continue this BUT again, if this is the case You have lots of free time :zipper_mouth: Do inform me though! Okay, then...big bro :heart: I am gonna miss you

derek That's great to hear. That she's doing great and that you two are thinking about going for wine. I'm thinking I should've stopped at a liquor store on my way ou there. I mean, I have been with people I work with. I'm not saying yes, and I'm not saying no. Aw, smalls - look at you, thawing my cold heart a little :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

vicky Oh you don't want to be sober, when you're around him?:smirk: OH HAVE YOU? I find it hard to believe! At least, you're not saying ONLY "no" Awww you don't have a cold heart. On the contrary. I can't say that for your stubborn ass, though :yum:

derek He's annoying as hell - maybe the alcohol will make it easier to tolerate him. Maybe I have. Really, I'm just trying to placate you a little here. I know, I know, I was just kidding, for the most part. Stubborn - I definitely am.

vicky Maybe you want to do stuff to him and then blame it on the ah-ah-ah-alcohol :smirk::smirk::smirk: This is not placating me; this makes me want to know more about who you slept with from work!!!!! Seriously, though. You are the sweetest with the warmest heart. It is only a matter of time someone recognises that :heart: Speaking of this...and Erin I am feeling slightly bad... ....cause just around the time I started talking with Erin again, Oliver asked me if he knew anyone who was searching for a roomate I had beef with both( Oliver mostlt because of you) So now I feel bad that I pushed those two forces of disaster together :upside_down:

derek :man_facepalming: I walked RIGHT into that one. It absolutely is placating you. I've said enough this conversation - my lips are sealed. Ah, I'm not in any rush to meet someone that might see those sorts of things about me. I should be because I'm like, almost fucking 50 at this point. You still talk to Oliver? Oliver and Erin living together... good lord, Vicky, what were you thinking? Those two together is a recipe for disaster - quite literally.

vicky No, you didn't...I just like mentioning it. NO, do continue. Was it like a one-time thing? Or it continued later on? 9 years to 50, though....it's a lot of years :stuck_out_tongue: Don't overreact!!! OH you'll find someone. I know it! I did talk with him, a couple of months after you broke up he was kinda desperate...so I pushed him to Erin You know what's funny though. They're still living together, which is extremely weird :stuck_out_tongue:

derek I feel like I blindly walk into a lot of things with you, of which I should be expecting, but aren't in the moment. :rolling_eyes: I'm not going to answer that. 10 years goes by very fast, Vicky. To be fair, I'm content on my own. You didn't tell me that - I mean, why in the world did he reach out to you? I guess good for him though, if he were desperate, I can only imagine the situation he might've found himself in. That is... Very weird. I assume Erin doesn't know what he's my ex.

vicky exactly :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: OH PLEASE?! Is that confidential?! That you fucked around with your colleagues once in a while?! It would be confidential, if you fuck around with other people at the moment, I mean :wink: But it would be for other people, not me :face_with_hand_over_mouth: I respect that. But that doesn't mean that there isn't anybody out there that would want to be with you. No matter how old you are at this point. I didn't, because the Oliver subject felt a little too aggravating at this point. It was a couple months later or something? Erin was also searching someone to live in her extra room So, I didn't mention it. It's not as aggravating as it was two years ago, right? Maybe, he did want to move out of his place? Make a new start? Oh no. She doesn't know. She would hate him, if I said that, because she is drooling all over you anyway... :thinking: Maybe I should have said that, then. But, now she doesn't. Also, I think I'm falling IN LOVE Can you fall in love with a person that you haven't met yet?

derek Shit, Vicky - you talk more than anyone else I know. It is confidential! You're like my little sister and talking about my sex life with you isn't ideal. No, it doesn't mean that. I just mean that even though I've been single for a while now and am almost 50 - I'm not rushing into anything. I'm a little irritated that you are only mentioning this to me now, but it's in the past and I'm not going to let it irritate me any further. I don't know what the case was, but one can only imagine with Oliver. I'm glad he found a place with Erin though... somewhat, at least. It's a bit too close to home, but. Oh, Erin. She's flattering, that girl. Whoaaaaa, in love?! Wowww - that was unexpected. I feel like... maybe you can, yeah.

vicky :smirk: Walking RIGHT into it in 3 2 1 More than this easyontheeyes guy?! I'm not really asking for details. I just hardly believe that's true, though. That you slept around with other people from your....workplace. You're being dramatic on the age there. You grow up like fine wine! Still it might get easier to find someone, because you get more handsome with age.... Just another common thing Oliver and Erin share...the drooling. Oh my God...if Erin pisses me off again, I might tell her about Oliver being your ex. Is it too much? I mean it's super early to tell. But, I feel like...she seems so...good for and to me.

derek :man_facepalming_tone1::man_facepalming_tone1:why do I keep doing this? I need to think before I text, while texting you, apparently. It could very well be true. Maybe I just haven’t told you anything about it. Just a little dramatic... just a little. :laughing: like fine wine? Sounds like something Erin would say. I appreciate the vote of confidence, smalls. If she pisses you off, huh? :joy: just a little something to keep in your back pocket then? For whenever you might need it. Well, smalls, only you know how you feel. It’s a little crazy, yeah, but I’ve never been in your position to judge. I think the fact that you’re falling in love blindly says a lot about you two’s connection.

vicky You didn't answer if this was a competition between me and the easyontheeyes guy Who would win? And it didn't evolve into something else? Those hook-ups, I mean? Why do I feel you are gettint quite vengeful towards Oliver at the moment?! :rofl: I have eyes and I can see people turning their heads when we hang out some place Also I may not be :heart_eyes: for you, but I can't be the president of your fan club. Although I am itching to tell Erin now who knows what is going on in the house and how it can be turned around if I told her that her roomate was sleeping with you :partying_face::partying_face::partying_face::partying_face::partying_face::partying_face::partying_face: THE DRAMA Oh my god I want to say it, Derek. I just feel a lot of things..m I don't want something else to happen...I don't want to get hurt. I want everything to turn out fine.

derek I honestly feel like you two are neck in neck when it comes to that... but he might take the cake. No. It almost did, one of those times, but we spent so much time apart, it was way too hard. I still feel some kind of way about how things happened with him, I guess. A good reason as to why I am not going to date guys that young anymore. Yeah, and a lot of people turn their heads to look at you, too. I guess we just have some really good genes :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye: If you ever do tell her, you'll have to tell me about it because I do feel like her reaction would be quite entertaining. Say it... like... to her? Yeah, well... this game of love is all about chance, ain't it?

vicky I will let that slide. That loss. But if I lose the manuscript from Drew, I will fight you and this easyontheeyes guy. It would be too much loss for me in such a short period of time. That sucks :confused: ....uhm what about young guys? Well....that wasn't the reason I've said that :smiling_face_with_3_hearts: But thank you? Oh you will be the first one to know :stuck_out_tongue: Yes, tell Erin about Oliver and you. By the way, he burned her curtains and I'm just:rofl: Yeah, it is. It is exciting but also overwhelming.

derek You should take it as a compliment - you aren't the most annoying anymore :laughing: Hey hey now. You should fight Drew, not me and an innocent bystander! Suck it up, Vicky, losing isn't the end of the world. If anything, it should just make you want to do better later... as for losing to this guy about being the most annoying or talking too much, whatever we were talking about, you should be glad. I'm not going to date young guys anymore - I should stick to men closer to my age. Definitely. Good lord - he burned her curtains... okay, no. Yeah, I'm not even surprised. Sounds like Oliver. Oh! About me and Oliver... I thought you meant tell her tinder girl you were falling in love with her :joy: Enjoy it though. The beginning is the best part.

vicky :unamused: SUCK IT UP?! Fine, Derek! Fine. I can take one loss, but two losses in a row...NOPE I mean life gives you obstacles, but when that happens to me I get SO MAD Yeah....but why is that? What do the young guys have done to you now? Why are you putting limits to all the guys you might be in a relationship with?! Why? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO YOURSELF?! But, fine...I'll suck it up Yeah, too many her's

derek Yeah, I said it! Suck it up, smalls. Losing is apart of life. Even 2 losses in a row. Young guys are just... I’m over playing games and stuff, you know? They aren’t - at least, a majority of them aren’t. I learned my lesson with Oliver. Mistakes, remember? I’m not gonna go around making the same mistakes twice. I can put limits on whatever I want to put limits on. And the age range I decide to date is right up there with limits. Because I feel it’s best for myself. Maybe I should find someone to date closer to my age. Maybe it’d be good for me, Vicky. You know what I meant.

vicky :unamused: fine

derek Love ya, smalls :hugging: That's my cue to put my phone away before it gets confiscated and thrown out of a window. I'll be in touch.

#muse : derek dean #derek x vicky #derek : texts

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sunsetswurve · 5 years

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Overcome / Numb (G.D) part 1

"Woah, hey, please stop working yourself up. Breathe. No like really, deep breath in. Hold it. Now let it out slow. Okay. Good. That's really good. Tell me what you're thinking, Sky, please. Don't keep whatever it is you're feeling in. Please?" Grayson was sitting across from me, hands on my shoulders.

Skylar Martins has been going through a lot, mentally and emotionally. She’s lost in her own head. Everything is getting worse for her and she feels like she’s all alone, even when people are asking her if she’s okay. Feeling like a burden and a problem, she’s set on her life being like this from now on because there is no way out for her. That is until an old friend pops back into her life, seeing through her lies and getting her to see there’s more to life than what she’s doing.

A/N: Sooooo I’ve been going thru some rough stuff and this is the first time in a while I’ve written something. It’s been even longer since I posted any writing on the internet. Depression and anxiety are talked about. Suicidal thoughts are mentioned so trigger warning for that. Also, I’m not sure if this is going to be a friend!Grayson or like a relationship. heck I’ve always been bad at continuing stories so who even knows how far this will go. All depression and anxiety writing is from my own experience, I’m not trying to romanticize it or anything and i’m definitely not trying to make it that Grayson “cures” the main character. Let me know what you think, just please go easy on me <3

"Skylar, are you getting out of bed today? Don't you have work?" My mother asked from my doorway.

"Called out." I mumbled under my covers.

"You okay?" she asked, concern filling her voice.

"Yeah, I'm just tired and have a migraine."

"How are you tired? you've been in bed for the past 3 days. AND you've called out one day each week for the last month just to stay in your room. Do you even have sick time anymore?"

"Yes mom. Dont worry, I have enough hours. I just need to rest."

"Okay, we'll see when you lose your job for missing too much work. This isnt working Skylar. What’s going on?"

"Nothing. I'm fine." Lies. Truth was my depression was the worst it's ever been. I haven't had any energy to do anything.

"Have you been taking your pills?"

"Yes." Lies. I don't care to anymore. It's ridiculous that I have to depend on stupid pills to be a normal human. If this is who I'm supposed to be. What’s the point.

"Bullshit." She rolled her eyes and slammed my door. I heard her go down the stairs and the front door slammed shut also. Nice. Very mature, mother. See, I'm so miserable and annoying my mother doesn't even care anymore. Just leaves me here to rot. I sighed and rolled over, looking at my phone. It was 2 in the afternoon. This is what my life has come to at 23 years old. Alone. Stuck in my room.

I used to try. I used to have energy to try and fight this. But recently its gotten harder and harder to get out of bed. I can see everyone's worried looks and heads shaking with disapproval, but its like there's this wall between what I know I should do to help this and myself. I'm stuck in this cloud of self doubt, self hatred. I hate that I'm like this. I see myself getting worse and yet I just can't put myself out there to say anything to anyone or express what I'm feeling.

To be honest, I'm not even sure what I'm feeling. Numb, mostly. I'm just sick of being alone. I've always felt like I'm the third wheel in all situations. Always in a group of three friends, but the other two were closer and there was me. I've always been a shy person but after high school and stuff I went through in my first year of college, it got worse. I get nervous meeting new people, but I'm also nervous talking to people I haven't seen in awhile. I mean yeah, I have my family and even though I was that third person with friends, I still had friends. I'm also so close to my family. My cousin's been one of my best friends since I was born. But she's gotten pretty serious with her girlfriend so I'm pushed to the side once again. Not to mention they're talking about moving to the other side of the country. It's just gonna get worse.

I sound so selfish. But these are the thoughts that run through my head constantly throughout the day. Its all consuming. I'm alone. I'm alone. I'm alone.

With everyone in the house gone, I go downstairs and grab some cookies in the cabinet and sit in front of the tv. I'll be here for the next few hours until my parents and/or brother come home and then I'll head back upstairs. This is how it's been, avoiding everyone and eating junk to try and make myself feel less numb than I have been. I was switching on netflix when my phone buzzed.

"Hey Skylar, haven't talked to you in awhile. how have you been?" It was a text from Grayson. One of those friends I haven't talked to and don't freaking know how to talk to anymore because I'm a mess. I re-read the message a few times and wonder what I should respond with.

oh ya know, just wondering if I'll finally grow the balls to end my life or keep living in the hell I've created for myself. Oh yeah, that'll go down swimmingly.

"Hey, I've been fine, just working. How are you?"

"Oh are you working today? Could use a hair cut haha ;)" people only talk to you when they need something from you, they don't really care about how you're doing, silly.

"I'm actually off today, Gray." I turned back to the television, desperately trying not to dwell on the thought that he only wants to know what I'm doing just so I can do his hair. I understand with being a hairstylist that people want me to do their hair but its like. Even the people I see constantly do this, they see my behavior has changed, I'm not the happy person I was before. They've asked me how I'm doing -- at the most inopportune times, mind you. But if you think there is something really wrong, you shouldn't want to ask me while you're on hold with our supervisor, this conversation WILL end up with me sobbing and I really really don't think you're ready for it, Margaret so of COURSE I'm going to say I'm fine. A few minutes later, my phone lets out another buzz.

"Do you want to hang out?" That's different. No one's asked me that recently. Not that I'm the best person to hang out with right now, with the buzzkill I've become. I don't answer. Let's add "flaky" to the long list of flaws I've developed over the passed couple of months. Sometimes it's just easier to act like nothings happening. I turn over on the couch and fall asleep.

..only to be woken up 20 minutes later to the doorbell ringing

The hell? We live on a secluded dead end, no one ever comes here unless its planned, like ever. I open the door to reveal Grayson Dolan on my doorstep with a small grin on his face.

"Gray, what are you doing here?" I ask opening the door more for him to step inside.

"When you didn't answer my text, I figured you fell asleep because you've always loved your naps" he chuckled, since he could tell from the look of confusion on my face that is exactly what happened.

"ohhh" I'm not sure what else to say, honestly. I told you I haven't been the best with conversations lately.

"Hey, are you okay?" He asks, taking in my disheveled appearance and greasy looking hair. Greasy looking because I haven't showered in days. Ya know, the things that happen with depression the internet and media don't tell you about when they're glorifying it for their aesthetic.

"Uhhh yeah. I haven't washed my hair in a few days. Look Gray I don't think--"

"No Skylar, really, are you okay? I was scrolling through twitter, saw one of your tweets and it's concerning."

"oh uh.. it's nothing, its just shit that comes to mind at night when I can't sleep." I say, hoping he doesn't press anymore. When I feel really low and don't know what to do, I let it out on twitter, no ones ever said anything before about it so I thought it didn't matter or they didn't care or whatever. It's been like this for years, so this really caught me off guard.

"Are you sure?" no.

"Yes." He gave me a look that definitely said he wasn't convinced, but shrugged anyway.

"Okay, so what are we watching?"

"Oh um, I'm catching up on Supernatural."

"Nice!"

"Gray do you even watch Supernatural?"

"No, but if you're watching it, I'll watch it with you. I wanna hang out and you're not busy. I miss you, so let's go! press play already." I gave him a weird look, this is different. Usually Grayson is really busy between doing stuff with Ethan and/or filming.

"What's going on? Where's Ethan? You two are inseparable."

"He's doing some stuff today. Tattoo and other errands. He'll be gone until tonight."

ahh, so he's just here because Ethan is busy and has nothing better to do

"What was that?"

"What do you mean?"

"You just got this disappointed and annoyed look on your face. What are you thinking, Sky?"

"It's nothing."

"Listen, I know we haven't talked in months but this is not the Skylar I've known for years and I know you're not okay no matter what you're saying behind that fake smile. I'm not going to push it. You don't have tell me right now. But I'm here for you, even if we just sit and watch TV, okay?" My jaw dropped a little, I was not expecting this. Especially since we haven't talked in a while. But Gray has always been able to sense when I'm feeling off. So I'm not too surprised. But to still want to hang around me even if I don't want to talk, like damn, that's so sick of him.

"Thanks G." I say, smiling slightly and lean into his shoulder, a small gesture to show my appreciation. We focused in on the tv and got lost in it for the next few hours.

I didn't notice how many episodes we got through until the front door opened and my mother stepped in.

"Wow. You're out of your room AND someone is here? I'm shocked." She said sarcastically and turned to Grayson. "Hi honey, are you staying for dinner?"

"Hi Mrs. Martins. I'd love to."

"Good! I'm glad someone's been able to get her out of bed." my mother comments as I roll my eyes and continue to focus on the television. I could feel Grayson gaze on me though, I kept facing forward, hoping he would let it go and thankfully, he did. I couldn't focus back into the show though. He knows somethings wrong. But like he really knows. And I'm gonna have to tell him something soon or he'll just be wasting his time and get sick of me just like everyone else. I started biting my nails as I watched forward feeling anxious and sick of myself.

"hey do you still have your PS4?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Do you wanna go play some before dinner?"

"I don't really have any two player games."

"That never stopped us before. We can take turns doing stupid stuff on GTA?"

"Wow I haven't played that in the longest time."

"Lets go!" He said, standing up and waiting for me to follow him upstairs to where we have the playstation set up. I slowly stood up and went along with him. "Remember when we used to play online all of the time?" He asked as I set it up.

"Yeah, remember how angry Ethan would get when asshole twelve year olds would kill us before we could even do anything in the game and I had to figure out how to start a server for just us?"

"Oh man, back when we were living in apartments our neighbors would get PISSED at how loud he would yell."

"And I'd be up here swearing, thinking no one could hear me but one day my mother came up here PISSED because I dropped the f bomb like a million times in a minute."

"She lectured all three of us the next time me and E came over." We both laughed at the memory.

After some time, my mother called up, letting us know dinner was ready. My brother and father were both home now and we all sat down for our meal.

“Grayson! It's been so long since you've been over! How are you and your brother doing?" My father asked

"We're good, Mr Martins. We're working on some new video ideas and Ethan is getting stuff for it today."

"That's great to hear. Its nice to see Skylar out of her room and have company over for once. She's just been in her room for months."

"Dad. seriously?" I ask, do we have to talk about how I'm fucked up at dinner?

"Well she doesn't help herself if she's not taking her medications." My mom comments not looking up from her plate.

"Mom!"

"Skylar why aren't you taking your meds?" My dad turns to me, everyone turns to me actually. I feel my face start to heat up with all of the unwanted attention. My anxiety rising for being put on the spot like this when Grayson was here, or anyone actually.

"And we wonder why I'm finding excuses to not sit out here with you guys all of the time?" I say, rolling my eyes before standing up and hurrying up the stairs to my room.

----

I go into my room and throw myself on my bed, staring up at the ceiling. Now he's definitely gonna know I'm not okay. He's definitely gonna walk talk to me about that and probably try to help. He'll stick around for a week or two, see how annoyingly sad and stubborn I am and give up. Just like everyone else has when I've been like this in the past. As if he could hear my thoughts, I hear a knock and Grayson quietly say my name, trying to not disturb the silence.

I look up but don't make a move.

"Sorry you had to awkwardly witness all of that." I mumble. He comes in, gently shutting the door behind him. He lays next to me, also looking up at the ceiling.

"You know they're just worried about you, right?"

"I know," I sigh.

"You also know I'm worried about you, right?"

"Don't be."

"How can I not? Your tweets are literally screaming that you're not okay. You aren't taking care of yourself and distancing yourself from everyone trying to help you." My eyes start filling up with tears and my breathing start to get heavy. My skin is on fire, feeling like hot pins and needles are stabbing me all over. "Skylar?"

I can't say anything. It's like the floodgates have been opened. I dont feel numb anymore but I feel everything. Hurt, sad, angry and frustrated. All I do is curl into a ball, sobbing and gasping for air. I feel Grayson try and pick me up to bring me closer to him but I push him away. It feels like I'm being smothered with nothing touching me at all. I know he means well but when I'm like this, touching doesn't help. I feel him start to pull away, probably to get my mother since somethings wrong and he doesn't know what he should do. but I grab his hand and shake my head.

"Panic attack. Stay. Give me a few minutes." I manage to get out between strangled sobs. He nods, staring at me with worry. I'm not surprised he's freaked out. Usually when I have panic attacks like this I'm not around anyone, so he definitely hasn't seen me like this before. My mother has only heard me have them because I used to call her when I was in college. That was when they started to get really bad. He doesn't let go of my hand though, it would be hard to with me squeezing it, trying to ground myself while focusing on my breathing.

It feels like an eternity, but it was probably just a few minutes later when my breathing slowed and the pins and needles sensation had left. I let go of Grayson's hand and wipe my face, groaning once it really hit me that I just had a panic attack in front of someone for the first time in so long.

"I'm so sorry about that Gray"

"Did you just have a panic attack?"

"Yeah, again, so sorry"

"Don't be! You know I have panic attacks too. I've just never seen you have one and you've always been okay with hugging and stuff so that just threw me, I didn't know how to help you."

"I usually have them at night or I'm not near anyone when they do happen. Uh, I uh feel like I can't breathe and my skin feels like it's on fire and I'm getting stabbed with hundred of needles all over my body so I freak out even more when people try to touch me when they happen.

"Jesus, Skylar. Why don't you tell anyone you're going through this?"

"I don't know" I shrug, "I don't like to bother people."

"Are you serious? You wouldn't be bothering anyone, you just need to tell people how you're feeling when they ask, because I know they've been asking. They're really worried. I'm really worried."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. I just need you to take care of yourself."

"That's really hard right now, G."

"Then let me help, let someone help, stop locking yourself away and thinking you need to go through this by yourself." Tears are now streaming down my face and I'm quietly sobbing. He brings me in for a hug and kisses my forehead. We stay like that for awhile. "We're gonna get through this. I promise."

For some reason, that just makes me cry even harder. Why can't I take care of myself? I used to be strong and independent. Now I'm weak. I need people to take care of me at 23? What is this? What the fuck is wrong with me?

"I, uh, okay." I take a deep breath again. "I'm just so fucking weak. And helpless. You shouldn't have to be making these promises and be worried about me." I paused for a moment to gather my thoughts and take a few more breaths. "Like this is sad. Ridiculous. How did I get myself in this situation. I don't get it. I don't know or understand myself anymore and I don't know how I got like this." My panic was turning into anger now. Anger at myself. The world. God or the universe or whatever seems to be in control of all of this.

"Stop beating up on yourself for like two seconds to see that people care about you and love you. Sometimes life gets hard and we need help. If I was in this position I would want someone to help me. I can't stand seeing you like this. I WANT to help. Life got busy and I was a shitty friend that grew distant. But I'm here. Your family is here. I know for a fact that if Ethan was here he'd be agreeing with me. We've known each other for years. I know you ARE strong. You just need a little help right now. The only question is if you're going to accept the help or stay stuck." He got a little louder, was it because it's Grayson and he's just loud or wanting to make his point come across clearly? both, probably. I took a few deep breaths, really calming for the first time in hours.

"Okay."

#Grayson Dolan #Dolan Twins #Dolan Twins fanfic #grayson dolan fanfic #Ethan Dolan #Ethan and Grayson #Overcome / numb #dolan twin fandom #grayson bailey dolan #dolan twins imagine #grayson #ethan #fanfiction #TW: depression #TW: anxiety #tw: suicide mentioned

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surveys-r-us · 5 years

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it’s 2019 and i still do these

Do you know people with these names? For each name, say if you know someone with that name and how you know them.

Aaron: I know multiple Aaron’s. Two of them are former coworkers. The other one is someone I know of but haven’t really talked to much. Adam: A jerk face. Aisha Alanna Alex: Off the top of my mind, I think of someone I matched with on bumble a few months ago. Alexa Alexandria: A girl from elementary school Allegra Allie: Someone from high school who had a baby. Allison: A girl from my sorority (that I quit)

Alondra

Amanda: One of my early college friends who transferred. I don’t even follow her on social media anymore.

Amber Amie Ana: Another girl from my old sorority lol. Anaïs Andreas Andrew: I know a few. Angela: A girl I used to play soccer with in middle school. Angelica Anna: Someone from high school. Think she moved after graduating college. Annie Ari Ashley: Not the biggest fan of because she gets involved in other people’s business (including mine) but we’ve had some fun memories. Ashna Audrey Austin: cute guy from my hometown who I talked for like a week senior year of high school Becky Ben: A friend I’ve never actually met in person but we talk every few months.

Berkeley: Someone who studied abroad in Ireland with me. She might’ve spelled it differently. Beth: One of my first friends in college. She’s one of the nicest people I’ve met. Bobby: Another person from college. He can kinda be a dick. Bolor Brendan: My friend who plays guitar and sings. Super talented. We bonded over our music tastes being relatively similar. Bridgid Britney: I think it was spelled Brittany but a girl in the grade below me in high school. Brooke: My little cousin. Cal Callie Cam Cameron: I had a brief crush on him back in high school. Camille: One of my old roommates’ close friends. I’ve only talked to her like twice. Camryn Carmen: A distance cousin. Caro Caroline: I know like 5 Caroline’s. My old roommate is one of them. Casilda Cecile Cecily Chanel Chloe: The first person I thought of was a friend’s little sister. Chris: Super liberal, obsessed with Game of Thrones and listens to Talking Heads Christina: One of my sister’s friends. Christopher: Someone from high school. I’ve known him since kindergarten. Claire: One of my best friends. Claudia Claudine Cole: Was just wondering about him the other day since he deleted all his social media. Wonder what he’s up to. I know he’s a pilot. Connie Connor: He plays football and writes for our student newspaper. Courtney: She’s hilarious. Cyrus Daisy Dakota Dana Danielle: Someone from my high school who also went to my college. She was older than me though. David: This cool guy from the Netherlands I met my last night in Ireland. He was apparently super into me according to my sister. He deleted me on snapchat though so now I don’t know how to communicate with him. Delilah Diane: My aunt. Diego Donald Doug: A family friend Duncan Dylan: My best friend’s ex. Pretty sure he got busted for selling drugs lol Eleanor Elijah Elise: My sister Eliza Elizabeth: One of my sister’s friends. Ella Elle: Another girl from my sorority. She tags her boyfriend in things a lot on facebook. Ellie: Another person from high school. She’s like me and got the fuck out of this town. Elliot Emerson Emily: Man I know a ton. One that comes to mind is my friend who we can go months without talking and pick things up like no time passed. Emma: Someone from college who deleted her social media recently. I applaud her for it. Eric Erika: Erica. Went to middle school with her. She’s had two kids. Ethan: Dude I knew of in college but never really talked to. Faith: One of my old coworkers. I would see her out at parties and be surprised since she didn’t seem like someone who drank. Fiona Francesca: Franz George: This short kid who’s sorta friends with one of my old roommates. I had class with him and didn’t even realize it until 3 weeks before the semester ended haha. Ginny Giselle Grace: My beautiful cousin Graham Hadley Hailey: One of the few people from high school I’d still hang out with.

Hannah: Wasn't a big fan of her. Havana Helen Henry: Someone else from high school. He’s super smart. Hugo Huma Ilana Indra Isabel: One of my favorite coworkers from this past year. Such a sweetheart. However, she can talk too much which was especially annoying at our mandatory meetings at 9 PM (college jobs suck) when I just wanted to go home and go to bed. Isabella Itza Ivy Izzy: Think there was a girl with that name on my floor freshman year Jackie Jacob: Old neighbor. He got busted buying weed before it was legal here. Not sure what he’s doing now James: My uncle Jamie Jason: A family friend. Actually saw him the other day. Jennifer: My former aunt. Jenny: see above Jess: One of my closest friends. Jhadha Joe: My old manager at work. I miss him. He’s so funny. John: My music soulmate. Jonathan: He plays football. He and his girlfriend are super cute together. Joseph: An asshole. Joyce J.P. Jude Julia Julie Justin: A distant relative. Kaan Kai Karina Kat Kate: One of my cousins. Katherine Kinaya Kira Kristie Lanie Laura: She’s from Hungary. She’s low key insane. Lauren: Aye that’s me. Also one of my best friends. Leah: My old supervisor. She’s hilarious. León Lexxi Liberty Lisette Louisa Luca Luis Lynette MacKenzie: Spelled differently but this girl who’s somehow a Trump supporter lol. Maddie: A really complicated friendship but think we’re good now. Maggie: Actually one of the funniest people you could meet. She uses tinder just to send stupid messages. Makena Manlio Margaret Margo Maria: My old roommate. Marianna Mariely Martha Martin Mayuri McKinley Megan: The person I think of is a friend from college. Meredith Mia: One of my really close friends. Michael: My ex boyfriend lol Michelle: One of my oldest friends. I’ve known her since 1st grade. Mike: This dude who gets insanely drunk at the bars and does stupid things. I don’t know how he hasn’t been arrested. Minah Miranda: This artsy girl from high school. Molly: Another old neighbor. She lives in Chicago I think. Morgan: One of my close high school friends. I don’t really see her often. Nadia Nancy Natalie: A mutual friend with different people. She studied abroad in Ireland when i did. Nathan Nathanael Neoma Nichole: She was my camp counselor. Nico Nikki Noah Noelle: Pretty sure there’s a girl from my hometown with that name. Octavio Olivia: My locker buddy throughout high school. Would see her every day. Orion Owen: Went to college with him for a bit. He transferred and then dropped out. No idea what he’s been up to. He’s really into theatre. Paige: My little cousin Pam Pat Patrick: My old high school crush. He unfollowed me on instagram a few months ago which sucks because we were actually decently close friends at one point. Paul: A family friend. Paula Pauline Peter: I definitely know a Peter but can’t think of one. Phoebe Phong Price Quinn Rachel: Another person from high school I’d actually still hang out with. Rai Railey Raquel Ray Rayne Rebecca: Known her since 2nd grade. Rebkah Regina Reilly Remy Ren Rhianna Robert: My friend’s brother. Rohini Roither Rose Ruby Ruilin Sabrina Sakura Salim Sally Sam: This super buff guy from high school. Literally could be a bodybuilder for all I care. Sapna Sarah: This really religious girl I went to high school with. I don’t think she ever left our hometown. Savanah Sebastian Shani Shannon: One of my good friends from middle school. I haven’t seen her in years. Siena Snigdha Sofia Sophie Soren Spencer: Think a guy from my high school has a younger brother with this name. Summers Sydney: She just got married and had like a two week honeymoon at Disney. Taran Taylor: Talked to one for like two weeks. His current girlfriend hates me but we kinda mutually ended things so I don’t get why. Tessa: One of the nicest people from the nicest family in my entire town. Thea Theo Theresa: I’ve met a couple in college. Tim: My uncle Tom: I’m not really a fan of him. He likes to show up to things uninvited. Tori Ural Victoria: Someone from my floor freshman year. She’s vegan and is getting married in like a month. I can’t wait to see her wedding photos. Her dress will probably be really beautiful. Viviane Walter Will: Some kid from elementary school Willa William Yujin Yuta Zac Zoe Which names do you prefer?

Alice or Allana? Alice Allie or Andie? Andie Alexandra or Anastasia? Alexandra Anna or Angela? Anna Annie or Angelica? Angelica Ana or Ashna? Ana Audrey or Ashley? Audrey Ansel or Annika? Ansel Brooke or Britney? Brooke Berkeley or Bella? Bella Bo Chao or Beatrix? Beatrix Camille or Camryn? Camryn Cristina or Casilda? Cristina Chloe or Courtney? Courtney Charlotte or Carol? Charlotte Cleo or Chanel? Chanel Davin or Dillon? Dillon Delilah or Dutra? Delilah Erin or Elina? Erin Emin or Emerson? Emerson Emily or Emma? Emma Erika or Estelle? Estelle Faith or Frannie? Faith Fernanda or Francesca? Francesca Georgina or Gracie? Gracie Gabriela or Gina? Gina Hailey or Hannah? Hailey Hadley or Havana? Hadley Indra or Isabel? Isabel Indiana or Ivy? Indiana Jenny or Jessie? Jessie Julia or Joyce? Joyce Jasmine or Jackie? Jasmine Jamie or Jennifer? Jamie Kimia or Karina? Karina Katerina or Kate? Kate Kira or Kristie? Kira Lia or Lily? Lia Lauren or Lynette? Lauren Liberty or Leila? Liberty Margaret or Martha? Martha Michelle or Mackenzie? Michelle Mia or Michaela? Mia Morgan or Maddie? Morgan Maya or Mayuri? Maya Megan or Makena? Makena McKinley or Margo? Margo Nikki or Natalie? Natalie Nadia or Nancy? Nancy Nicole or Olivia? Olivia Rachel or Rebecca? Rachel Remi or Rosie? Remi Ruby or Reine? Ruby Ren or Sakura? Sakura Sapna or Snigdha? Sapna Sally or Stella? Sally Sophie or Sydney? Sophie Sophia or Solana? Sophia Skye or Sierra? Sierra Serena or Savanah? Savannah Sarah or Sabrina? Sabrina Tara or Taylor? Tara Vittoria or Yahs? Vittoria Yoonju or Yukine? Yukine Aidan or Austin? Austin Alan or Andrew? Alan Aldo or Alexx? Alexx Ben or Brian? Ben Billy or Brodie? Brodie Corey or Carlos? Carlos Coleman or Connor? Connor David or Dylan? David Eli or Eric? Eric Franz or Fernando? Franz Gabe or Graham? Gabe Holden or Hudson? Hudson Jacob or Justin? Justin Jack or JP? Jack Jimmy or Jared? Jared James or John? John Karm or Kian? Kian Lou or Lenny? Lenny Michael or Mickey? Michael Nick or Nathan? Nick Peter or Pierson? Peter Rai or Rafael? Rafael Sanjay or Supawat? Sanjay Will or Wynn? Will Zachary or Zack? Zack

#survey

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meet-the-mun-kegan · 5 years

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My District Manager (DM) is a fuckwad and here’s why,

We got this new DM about 6mo-1y ago, I dunno when exactly, I wasn’t paying too close attention. We didn’t have a DM when I was hired, and everything was fucking superb. When I was hired, we had our Store Manager(we’ll call him L), the Retail Sales Manager(Call her C), and our two Front End Supervisors(Jo and M). Jo got a better job, so J was promoted to FES and that was how it was for a while. L went to another store, and G was promoted to Store Manager. All was good. Everyone was relatively happy, with just a few personal qualms within the staff, but nothing serious. And then DM comes along. The first thing he changes, makes sense, so I don’t really blame him too much for that. It was just that before when we closed and registers were closed down, we all just kinda sat there and waited for the closing manager to count the safe and send numbers and then we left. DM wanted us still working and cleaning up the store. Aiight, I get it, you can have that one I guess, although you still don’t pay us enough, but whatever. After that, he wanted us to increase the amount of announcements we do. Usually, we’re supposed to do them every 15 minutes, but we don’t because that’s dumb and no one pays attention to them unless it’s about a sale, and even then they only hear what they want to hear. We literally have made announcements before that are like “Join us NEXT MONDAY, (DATE), for our 50% off sale!” and someone will come up an hour later with a cart full of shit like “I thought the announcement said this was 50% off!?!?!?!” But whatever, so we did increase them to every 10 minutes. And guess what? People complained about how annoying the extra announcements were. The next thing he did was require us to all wear either aprons or vests, to “help customers know we work there”,,, which is bullshit, and no one notices. Do you know how many times I’ll be wearing that god damn apron along with my name tag, and be literally standing behind the register, and someone will come up to me and ask “do you work here?” I’ve come to the conclusion that no matter who you are, the moment you become a retail customer, you become a dumbass. I don’t care, no one is excluded from this. You could literally be the most intelligent person in the universe, but you walk into a retail store and now you’re instantly a total dumbass. No one gets away from it, sorry, I don’t make the rules. After that, DM decides that we’re not allowed to wear fun shirts anymore. Before, I would wear tons of fun shirts, often ones I’d find in the store, and people would compliment the shirts and ask where I got them, and I’d say here. They’d be like “Whaaaattt I had no idea you had cool shirts like that” (I work at a thrift store) and then they’d go back to the t shirts and come back with an arm full of fun shirts. People don’t get that excited about plain fucking solid color shirts. The fun shirts would also strike up conversations, like if I was wearing an anime shirt or whatever, which made customers happier because that’s a nice conversation, and then they come back or write nice things on the online surveys because man that one cashier was fun to talk to. Now I just go through the spiel and hope my resting bitch face doesn’t make people think I’m a heartless heathen. (spoiler alert, it has, and I’ve been called a “killjoy” and been told to “get a personality” because apparently even though I feel like I’m smiling, I guess I’m not??? And I used to get a ton of good reviews on surveys every month. Now I get barely any)

But all this is petty, now getting a bit more serious. Remember how I said he wanted more announcements? Well guess what that excludes? Closing announcements. We’re no longer allowed to make closing announcements. Literally every retail store ever makes closing announcements. We have had so many customers freak out because they were in the store a half hour past close because we’re not allowed to make closing announcements. We had customers who were actively listening FOR closing announcements and using that to keep track of time, and then they were screwed over because we’re not allowed to make closing announcements. Our store closes at 9pm, and usually the closers would leave before or around 9:30, but now they’re lucky if they get to head home before 10, which is hell for the high schoolers who then have to go home and do homework. He’s also very misogynistic and homophobic, he’s been reported to be rude and condescending to his female and LGBT+ staff, but treats his straight (cis)male employees (relatively more) like human beings. I was going to include an actual review about him that was posted on our store’s google reviews, giving a detailed account of how a customer has seen him be like this, but it has been removed. Go figure. I wonder who made that happen. Early January, one of the FES straight up told me that DM was on a head hunt. That he was after our store manager(G), the production manager(CT), and herself, and that he would most likely be after the Retail Sales Manager ( C ) soon after. A couple weeks later, he fires G. Two weeks ago, he fired both FES and C and the Production manager in the same day. This at first came as a surprise to me, because one of the FES, M, wasn’t listed to be on that head hunt. In fact, she was the most strict on us and was keeping to DM’s new policies. But after thinking about it for a bit, and after hearing the petty ass reason why they were fired, I think I know what happened. I bet that DM wanted J, C , and Production manager gone so bad for whatever stupid reason, but he had nothing to get them on. Because they we’re good at their jobs and were loved by the staff. And so he finally found one thing they did that broke the rules, but M was also guilty of it, so he had to get rid of her too if he was going to use it.

He’s now replaced all of them. One of them was replaced by one of our own cashiers, which is nice. but the rest are managers from different stores. One of which has to drive an hour to get there. Because apparently I can’t be promoted because he’s transphobic and will never promote me or give me a raise. The two (cis)male cashiers who would be able to be promoted, wont, because one of them quit immediately after hearing that C was fired, and the other one is on the fence about staying. The majority of us are. In fact, I was so close to just walking out on Monday after I was told that we’d have to take turns standing outside and spinning a sign for the sale, that no one fucking reads, in below freezing temperatures. And right now, as I’m typing this, I’m worried that I wont even get to walk out, because I’m probably next in line to get fired. Because of no fault of my own. But these dumb ass new managers didn’t schedule an opening cashier. So they called me last night asking if I could come in early to open. I said yeah sure, I know how to open, that’s my favorite shift. But then it snowed. I knew it was going to, but I didn’t think it would be that bad. I literally can not get out of my driveway. I messaged my work group chat asking if anyone can make it in, but I don’t think anyone has seen it yet. I’ve been calling the store for an hour, waiting for someone to get there, and someone finally answered. It was H, the new store manager, and she sounded irritated when I told her I couldn’t get out of my driveway. None of the old management would have been angry like that. They all saw us as human beings and knew that this shit happens. DM literally fired all the management who recognized us as humans, and replaced them with assholes who only see us as robots, and they get pissed when we show any kind of clue that we might be anything other than cheap labor.

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imaginexmeintheuniverse · 7 years

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The Calm After the Storm

The lovely @strawberrymilk4 requested: "Hello! I'll like to make a request! So it would be Tom Holland x female reader and they get into a huge argument and the reader leaves and then a few hours pass and Tom gets super worried and texts and call her but she doesn't answer. And then there's a storm and she come back like at 3 in the morning all drenched in water and then Tom is freaking out and apologizing and it's all Fluffy and cute at the end?! Sorry if it's so specific! But thank you anyways!💗💗"

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Warnings: Some angsty feelings.

Word Count: 1, 668

Summary: The reader and her long time boyfriend Peter Parker get into a huge fight and stir up quite the storm. (Essentially the request)

Masterlist

A/N: With the permission of the requester, the request has been changed to Peter Parker because unfortunately I only write for characters so thank you for being so understanding 💕

They say there's a calm before a storm; a moment of peace before a disturbance.

There has never been anything more false in your literal situation.

It all happened so fast; you don't know what came over either of you. One second it's just another day, and the next you two are blowing up on each other.

It's a busy time for the both of you at work, so you are both insanely sleep deprived and have barely gotten to spend any time together in the past few weeks. He spent his days at the compound upstate while keeping up with his job and saving the city. By the time he'd get home from his nightly patrol, you'd already be passed out at the table with your papers splayed all over your laptop. The few nights he did get back early, you'd take care of his wounds and then you'd both pass out, soaking up every minute of precious sleep that you could. You've been substituting for your supervisor while she's on maternity leave, all while keeping up with your own work, hoping to get a promotion and work alongside her when she returns. Being extremely tired and having hellish days, a fight ensued as soon as you came home to see Peter suiting up in the living room of your shared apartment. There was no calm before the metaphorical storm.

Your day had been hectic. Peter left before you and didn't want to wake you up since you were exhausted, but you had missed your alarm, so you had to skip showering and you had to run out the door, burnt bagel and spilled coffee in hand. At work, it was your turn to train the new guy who accidentally screwed up, setting the office back a whole day's work, and half of your coworkers are sick, so you figure it's only a matter of time before you catch it too. As if things couldn't get worse, the subway got stalled, and you got hydroplaned coming out of the station before finally coming home to the one person who could make it all better. But he couldn't spare five minutes, ready to jump off the fire escape for whatever petty crime was announced on the police scanner.

His day wasn't much better. He got yelled at by his superior for falling asleep during an office meeting and got his ass handed to him over his lunch break. He was stopping two drug dealers from getting away. He got one, but was too tired that the other was behind him with a baseball bat. He wanted nothing more in the world than to have take-out with you on the couch while catching up on all the episodes of [show] you missed over the past few weeks. But he has a responsibility to the city.

It started with a passive aggressive comment from you, then an annoyed response from Peter, and it snowballed into what the neighbors would describe as a screaming match. Neither of you have ever yelled at the other like that.

It ended with you storming out and him heading to Manhattan to stop a store robbery that ended up being a false alarm. He did manage to help an old lady get her cat back before going back to the apartment to see you weren't home yet.

Hours passed, and all of Peter's anger was replaced by worry. He didn't know what to do other than call and text you while pacing around every room. He must have left you at least fifteen voicemails. He thought about going out to look for you, but knew that if you wanted him to find you, you would have contacted him. You ignored the first few calls and messages, but as soon as you decided to call him back to let him know you're okay, you only manage to see that it's 2:18AM before your phone died in your hands.

So here you are, cursing out you phone in a phone booth that you took refuge in about five minutes ago when the rain started. There is a payphone right next you, but you didn't take anything but your keys and your phone that has your subway card tucked in the case. You lean back on the wall, closing your eyes and releasing a frustrated breath as a clap of thunder interrupts the string of swear words you've been muttering under your breath.

Suddenly, the steady flow of rain turns into torrential down pour, accompanied by flashes of lightning. You try to come up with a game plan, but instead get lost in your thoughts. You can't help but replay the fight over and over again in your head, eventually just coming to the conclusion that the only thing you want right now is to be home in Peter's arms.

You're not even sure if there was a point to the whole fight, or exactly what was supposed to come out of it. You definitely didn't want him to stop saving lives, but it also weighs down on you every time he comes back from a mission all beat up or when he goes off chasing bad guys, not knowing if he would come back. The important thing was that he always comes back. He always comes back to you.

Now you are going to come back to him.

On his end, Peter's heart races at the sound of the raging storm and knowing that you're out there. He replays the fight like you did, and thinks about everything that's been going on lately. He's been so busy just like you have, but as he recalls the last month or so, he realizes that you've been putting far more work into the relationship than he has. You've had a lot of weight on your shoulders as well, but you always managed to go out of your way and do little things for him that make his days that much happier. He imagine what the last few weeks would have been like without you and it's unbearable. He can't lose you. Just as he's fully suited up in rain gear, and ready to go out and searching for you, you burst through the front door.

You're completely drenched. Your clothes and hair are dripping, your soaked shirt is clinging to your heaving chest, and you're shaking like a leaf, yet you can't move from your spot as soon as your eyes lock with Peter's. You both look similar to the other; exhausted. His big brown eyes that always seem so warm, and your Y/E/C orbs that are usually so full of light, are reddened and puffy from the tears, and have dark rings under them from the fatigue. Your postures are slumped, but your shoulders are tense. Both of your cheeks are a burning shade of pink and tear stained- well, your whole body is water logged.

"Why didn't you-"

"My phone died,"

You both stand a few feet from each other, frozen and unsure about what to say next. You both break the silence, speaking at the same time.

"Peter-"

"I'm so sorry."

"No, Peter. Don't be-I-I'm sorry. It was my fault-"

"No, Y/N," he stops you, his eyebrows knitting in concern. "I'm so, so sorry- I never should have let you go like that."

"I shouldn't have left like that," you pant as you set your keys and phone down. At the sight of fresh tears threatening to spill over your eyelids, he takes a cautious step towards your trembling figure.

"Everything you said is true." His voice cracks as tears sting his eyes. "You've been trying so hard, I'm never around- And you deserve so much more than what I can give you but I love you so much my heart hurts every moment I'm not with you."

In two slow strides, you close the rest of the distance and initiate the first physical contact you've had since yesterday. You wipe the fresh tear off his cheek with your thumb and Peter instantly relaxes to your gentle touch. You don't know what you did to deserve the love of the man who has the purest of hearts. "You are already a thousand times better than what I deserve and I love you."

"I want to marry you one day- Well y-you know when we're ready for that," he quickly corrects himself when he sees your eyes go wide at the mention of marriage, a topic you haven't addressed yet. "We just have to get through these rough periods- I know I can be the man you deserve and I know I'm not easy to love, but please forgive me-"

"Peter," you cut him off, bringing your other hand up to hold either side of his face. "Falling in love with you is the easiest thing I've ever done." You push yourself up on your toes, ignoring the disgusting squish of your wet shoes, to press your cold, shivering lips to his soft, warm ones. "And loving you every single day is a blessing."

He wraps his arms around your shoulders and holds you close to him, the side of your face pressed against his chest. He places a long kiss the top of your head. The sound of his beating heart soothes your tears and the sound of your steadying breaths soothes his. You've never felt safer than when you're in his arms like in this very moment where you bask in the warmth he brings. Peter is your home.

This is true calm; after everything is settled and you know that everything is going to be okay no matter what, because no storm could ever get in the way of what you feel for Peter Parker. This is the calm after the storm.

Or at least it's calm until the next morning when you wake up with the world's worst cold, but at least the world's sweetest guy is there to take care of you.

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trustyourpartner · 7 years

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so a while back i tripped over and then fell in love with @cafecliche‘s yuri on ice fics, and then while i was checking out her tumblr i found out that she co-writes the bridge podcast with @alextriestousetheinternet, and i was like “oceanic eldritch horror alternate history with lesbians? sign me up!” and binge-listened to it all in like two days. and then i started writing this. at this point it’s probably going to waste away in my wips folder because i have so many other projects i’m working on, but i thought i’d let the stuff i have written see the light of day? so. enjoy.

The labels are nearly worn off of the switchboard at this point, by decades of fingers sliding over the words on their lazy way to the keys and buttons and knobs, but Viktor doesn't need the labels to boot up the broadcasting system. He could do this in his sleep by now; undoubtedly has, at some point over the last several years, during one of the periods when the coffeemaker was acting up, or maybe on a particularly gloomy day where the iron gray sky bled into the sea, turning the world outside the window into one huge dome of half-light, broken only by the long line of the highway stretching over the waves.

He waits for the static to clear from his headset, then takes a swig of water from the bottle on the floor and switches the microphone on.

"Good afternoon, travelers," he says. The chipper tone isn't even ironic, at this point; just a reflex. "This is Viktor broadcasting from Watchtower Eight, your halfway marker on the journey across the Transcontinental Bridge. It's just a few minutes until the top of the hour, but I think we can get a head start on our traffic report. Current Bridge conditions are the same as usual, which means—" here he leans forward to glance out the window again, just to be sure "—no traffic near Watchtower Eight. So all of you nonexistent drivers will have a pleasant cruise across this particular bit of the Atlantic."

A bright chime bursts out of the tinny intercom speakers on the console, and the light labeled Inter-Tower Channel flashes green. Viktor flips the switch that connects his personal headset to the public frequency.

"Fucking moron," is Yuri Plisetsky's greeting, somewhat obscured by the normal static from the line. "There is literally never any traffic, Viktor. You don't have to do your annoying-ass reports."

"Good to hear from you too, Yura," Viktor says. "How are things over at Eleven?"

"Dead. There is nothing here. Oh, no, actually, a seagull brained itself on the signal beam this morning, and I got sent up to chuck its body into the sea. It's the most exciting thing that's happened in months."

Which probably isn't true, Viktor thinks, but he'd believe that it's the most exciting thing that can be broadcast on the airwaves. The intercom chimes again, and a new voice chimes in.

"Maybe the seagull was just bored out of its head," the new voice—Viktor has to think for a second to place it as Leo, from Watchtower One, all the way back on the American coast—says. "The ones back here just try to steal my lunch."

"And how is the ground traffic on your end, Leo?" Viktor asks, so that he can at least sort of pretend to be doing his job.

"Two skateboarders practicing their grinds on the guardrail," Leo reports. "For the record, this is inadvisable. It's a long drop, kiddos."

"'Kiddos'," Yuri scoffs. "How old are you again, Iglesia?"

"Older than you!" Leo says.

"Ah well," Viktor says. "I'm afraid that's it for our afternoon traffic report. So, listeners who may or may not exist, I'm afraid I'll take my leave for now. Lunch won't make itself!"

He leaves Yuri and Leo to their bickering and ends his broadcast. The equipment makes a shuddery, wheezy sound when he powers it down, but Viktor's not terribly worried about it. He's fairly sure everything in this Watchtower could survive a war. It might have already. He doesn't know about that, but he does know better than to ask. He's been threatened more than once for snooping in the Archives, and not by his supervisor, but by strange people who called his personal cell phone and whispered reprimands that sent shivers up his spine. Never mind the fact that he hadn't charged his cell phone in years, or that he didn't get reception in the middle of the Atlantic.

The spiral staircase that leads down to the main floor is situated in the gap between the broadcasting room and the guest cabins. The steps rattle under Viktor's feet. He passes Georgi on the second floor, tinkering with something in the ceiling—hopefully the vents, because none of the crew cabins have been getting decent air circulation in months. Viktor ignores him and continues down to the first floor, turning into the kitchen. Yakov is sitting at the table with a cup of coffee and a dour expression.

"Vitya," he says, "how many times do I need to tell you to do your damn job?"

Viktor waves him off with a lazy sweep of his hand. "There's nobody to make traffic," he says, "and nobody to hear the traffic report. Quit being such a fusspot, old man."

Yakov harrumphs into his coffee, but doesn't respond; this is an argument he and Viktor have had dozens of times over the last few years. "As long as you do your other job," he says.

"Yes, calm down, I'm going to feed Makka now," he says. "Where's the bucket?"

"It's outside the containment area," Yakov says. "Georgi filled it earlier. Honestly, Vitya, that stuff reeks."

"Makkachin likes it!" Viktor says. "I'll get going. I'm sure he can smell his food already."

He takes the stairs down two at a time: past the Archives in Submare One, the storage rooms in Submare Two, all the way down to Submare Three. This far below the water, the walls creak and groan with the shifting waves. There are no portholes—best not to think about what's outside, Yakov had said, on Viktor's first day—but even so Viktor's bones ache with the knowledge that the sunlight is dim down here. The rivets hold steady, but Viktor can still imagine them shaking loose, the walls buckling inward, crushing the Watchtower like a tin can.

Viktor shakes it off when he reaches the vault door in Submare Three. He taps in the twelve-digit code on the keypad with one hand and picks up the bucket of severed fish heads with the other. When the lock beeps, he presses his thumb and all of his fingers against the scanner in turn; only then do the hydraulics hiss as the door unlocks with an ominous clunk. Despite the thickness of the steel, the door opens easily at Viktor's touch.

The vault door opens up into the containment area: a huge circular room that takes up nearly all of the lowest level of the Watchtower. Despite this, the only floor is a narrow metal walkway around the edge, just over a foot wide. The rest of the chamber is open water: deep, dark, and washing back and forth in small waves, despite the fact that there are no direct water lines between it and the ocean outside.

"Makkachin!" Viktor trills. "Where's my good boy? Did you miss me?"

He drops the bucket and claps his hands over his ears: just in time, as a hellish SKREEEEEEEEEEEEEE echoes through the chamber. The water boils. Three long, brown tentacles, each nearly as thick as Viktor's thigh and easily long enough to brush the towering ceiling, burst through from below, the suckers pulsing. One of the tentacles begins slithering over the walkway by Viktor's feet, slinking, searching.

"I've got your dinner here, boy," Viktor says, and reaches into the bucket. He picks up a fish head and tosses it, watching as one of the other tentacles snaps down lightning-quick to snatch it out of the air and drag it below the water. "Is it nummies?" Viktor asks. "Nummy fish for the good Makkachin?"

The resulting chainsaw-on-chalkboard noise doesn't make Viktor's ears bleed, thankfully. The seeking tentacle near his feet winds around his leg, slick mottled brown, and Viktor leans down to give it a gentle pat.

"I missed you too, buddy," Viktor says. "Open wide, okay? Food incoming!"

He throws the rest of the bucket's contents out into the water and sits on the edge of the walkway while Makkachin's tentacles pull the fish bits into the depths. He's just tall enough that he can point his toes and tap the surface of the water with the soles of his shoes, so he does. During his first month at the Watchtower he taught himself Morse code in a fit of over-enthusiasm, so he uses it now, tapping and swishing the water, a secret message just for him and Makka: tap-swish-tap-tap-swish-swish-swish-swish-tap-tap.

Makkachin probably doesn't know Morse code. So maybe it's just a message for Viktor. Fitting.

"I'm sorry it's so lonely down here," he says. "I don't mean to stay upstairs so long. I'll come visit more often."

Makkachin gurgles.

"Yeah, just me and you, buddy," Viktor says, and reaches out absently to scratch a passing tentacle.

Before he’d been a Watchtower crewman, Viktor Nikiforov had been a legend.

He’d been on the top of the figure skating world for nearly a decade. His undefeated streak spanned five years: five years of gold at the Grand Prix, at Nationals, at Euros, at Worlds. Multiple world records tucked under his belt. Two Olympic titles. Russia’s hero, they called him; a god among men. Undefeated, unattainable, untouchable. His shadow from atop the podium was monstrous in the flashes of the cameras.

He’d just won his fifth Worlds gold in Boston when the kennel called. His dog—Makkachin—had just died. In his sleep, the woman said. Surely he hadn’t been in any pain. A gentle death for a gentle dog.

Viktor hadn’t seen Makkachin for nearly three days before he’d actually left.

So he’d told his coach that he was going to rent a car and drive back to Europe. Time to clear his head, he’d said, and the coach had agreed. The Transcontinental Bridge still had a lingering reputation as a tourist attraction, albeit one that Viktor had experienced before. Even half-abandoned it was a marvel of engineering. There were hotels, restaurants, museums, little Bridge-side towns with kitschy mom-and-pop shops. Viktor had ignored these; for just under a full day of driving it had been only him and the ocean. He’d driven and driven and then stopped for the night at Checkpoint Eight, the Transcontinental Hotel: the pride of the Bridge, a glittering palace over the sea with a glass ballroom, fresh-turned silk sheets on every bed, and a string quartet that turned sea shanties into sweeping waltzes for guests to float along to under the stars.

He’d emailed the Russian Skating Federation his resignation notice the next morning. By that afternoon he’d unpacked his single carry-on in one of the empty crew cabins in Watchtower Eight, his handful of spare shirts and underwear tucked neatly inside the chipboard drawers, the concrete walls bare, the fresh cotton sheets scratching his bare skin.

And…well. Why would Viktor ever leave?

“Good afternoon, Bridge travelers,” Viktor says. “It’s another slow day here by Watchtower Eight, and so, your traffic report: there is no traffic. I’m sure if you questionably-extant listeners wait for a few minutes, one of my colleagues from elsewhere on the Bridge will chime in with commentary.”

Viktor waits for a beat, then repeats himself in Russian and in French, just because he can.

The intercom beeps, and Christophe’s voice comes through, amused and slurred—likely hungover, or maybe just being Chris. “Your accent is horrendous,” he says by way of greeting.

“Good afternoon, Christophe,” Viktor says. “How are things?”

“Oh, fine, fine,” Chris says. “Light traffic down here at Fifteen, come stop by the Gold Doubloon casino for a fun night of games and revelry, gamble responsibly: don’t wager anything you aren’t willing to lose, don’t play for anything you aren’t willing to live with, et cetera. Word on the wire is that there’s a big closure down by Checkpoint Nine—do you know anything about that?”

“Hmm? No.” Viktor absently shuffles the stack of letters from mainland headquarters. He should probably read them at some point.

“Ah, there’s a little Bridge-side town that’s closed its access road. The Travel Agency sent out a notice that the road won’t reopen, so drivers should plan their stops around it, what’s it called…Hatsetsu?”

Viktor frowns. The name tickles at the edge of his memory, but nothing concrete comes to mind. Possibly he just remembers driving past the sign, if it’s really so close to his own domain. “Any idea how the residents are going to get around?”

“Well, that’s just the thing,” Chris says. His voice is low, now, conspiratorial, as though they weren’t having this discussion over public airwaves. They could be huddled around a campfire, sharing ghost stories. “You didn’t hear this from me, but a little birdy”—meaning, Viktor thinks, Phichit—“says the town’s abandoned. Everyone vanished overnight. Poof.”

Before he can respond, someone else on the Inter-Tower line squeaks out a small “Ah.” This is followed by a gust of air and a smacking sound. Viktor thinks, suddenly, of a small child clapping a hand over their own mouth, afraid to be caught listening.

“Hello?” he says.

“Oh,” the new voice says, strangely muffled, and then clearer: “Oh. Uh. This is Watchtower Nine—sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“Nine!” Chris says. “I don’t recognize your voice.”

“Oh, yes,” the man says. “I’m new. I just started here.”

Viktor smiles. It’s been a while since any of the towers have gotten new crewmen. “What’s your name?” he asks, propping his chin on the desk.

“I’m…I’m Yuuri Katsuki,” the voice says. “It’s nice to, uh, meet you?”

“Welcome to the Bridge, Yuuri,” Viktor says.

Yuuri—laughs? It’s hard to tell over the crackling line. “I’ve lived here all my life,” he says, “but thank you.”

“Your whole life, huh?” Chris says. “Very interesting. Not many Bridge natives come to work at the Watchtowers. What brought you to us?”

Yuuri is silent for a few heartbeats too many. “…change of scenery,” he says finally.

“Well, we’re a good bunch,” Viktor says, over Chris’s questioning noise. “And Chris will only bite if you ask nicely.”

“It takes more than a bite to scare me away,” Yuuri says.

Despite the static noises, Chris’s purr of “Is that so?” comes through crystal clear.

And Viktor makes possibly the most disgusting noise he has ever made in his life, like a pig with a cold, directly into the microphone. He hears another few sets of tinny laughter, probably other Watchtower radio hosts lurking on the line, and over that Yuuri sputtering, “No! I didn’t—not like that!”

“Welcome!” Sara says through the ruckus. “Once Chris has hit on you, you’re really part of the family.”

Viktor’s own laughter trails off a bit at that. He doesn’t know Sara well—mostly snippets of information passed from Mila or Yuri in conversation—but he knows enough to think about the reason she’s on the Bridge at all, running from home and a brother who refused to let her out of his sight. She’d come because she’d had nowhere else, and then she’d stayed.

Family might be too strong a word for what they are, a collection of outcasts strung across thousands of miles. Viktor already knows he will never see most of these peoples’ faces. But after all, it’s not as though he has anyone else.

“Vitya!” Yakov’s shout echoes up the stairs.

“Oh, dear,” Viktor says. “My supervisor’s calling—I have to go. It’s been a pleasure, Yuuri.”

“Ah—likewise, Viktor,” Yuuri says. Viktor indulges himself in a lazy smile as he powers down the equipment.

It’s not until after he’s fed Makkachin that he realizes nobody ever told Yuuri his name.

Here was a secret that Viktor had sworn he would take to his grave long before he came to the Bridge: the podium was his least favorite place to be.

The rest of it had a certain thrill to it. The routines, of course; the costumes, extravagant and beautiful and designed to make him irresistible and ever-so-slightly inhuman; the plane rides to faraway countries, the sponsors and the fancy dinners. The hotels with silk sheets and crystal chandeliers that glinted like little chips of stolen starlight.

The podium, though—somewhere along the way it became a pedestal, or a display shelf. He looked good and he worked hard to stay there until he thought maybe his feet would fuse to the top spot and he’d be frozen there forever, the rest of the skating world clawing at his ankles, tearing at each other for a chance to send him crashing down.

He was Viktor Nikiforov, the legend. The singular. There was no room at the top for anyone else.

Perhaps the move to sea level did some good. But now here he was, sitting at the top of the Watchtower, just him and the radio and the empty road.

#callie writes #the bridge #yuri on ice #CUT BC I WROTE...WAY MORE THAN I THOUGHT I DID #oh well

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maximuswolf · 4 years

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Applying the Satanic Rules of the Earth to my life - a success story via /r/satanism

Applying the Satanic Rules of the Earth to my life - a success story

TL;DR: Actively applying the 11 Satanic Rules of the Earth has greatly improved my life. If you’re thinking about it, give it a serious try. Go all in and I’m sure you’ll see results too.

————————-

This is a rather long post, but my goal is just to give people a “real life” example of how you can apply Satanic principles to ones daily life. Everyone’s life is different, but this is how LaVeyan Satanism improved mine.

BACKGROUND

After denouncing my evangelical upbringing (homeschooled, extremely conservative) and during many months of searching for the right path, I happened to read the Satanic Bible. I’m not sure what I was expecting, but I didn’t expect it to resonate with me as deeply as it did.

Even so, it took many years to leave the Christian brainwashing behind. I was conditioned to forgive and forget, to be passive and compliant, to bend over backwards for people who didn’t deserve it, and to feel guilty for instigating confrontation of any kind, even in self defense. It took many years for me to really embrace the Satanic Rules and begin putting them into practice, including employing rituals as a psychological method to achieve my goals.

For those unfamiliar, the 11 Satanic Rules of the Earth as written in the Satanic Bible are:

Do not give opinions or advice unless you are asked.

Do not tell your troubles to others unless you are sure they want to hear them.

When in another’s lair, show him respect or else do not go there.

If a guest in your lair annoys you, treat him cruelly and without mercy.

Do not make sexual advances unless you are given the mating signal.

Do not take that which does not belong to you unless it is a burden to the other person and he cries out to be relieved.

Acknowledge the power of magic if you have employed it successfully to obtain your desires. If you deny the power of magic after having called upon it with success, you will lose all you have obtained.

Do not complain about anything to which you need not subject yourself.

Do not harm little children.

Do not kill non-human animals unless you are attacked or for your food.

When walking in open territory, bother no one. If someone bothers you, ask him to stop. If he does not stop, destroy him.

While the writing clearly reflects LaVey’s quirkiness, the message here is solid. I personally don’t have any issues refraining from disrespecting someone in their own home, committing sexual assault, stealing, hurting children, or killing animals for sport, so I won’t get into numbers 3, 5, 6, 9 or 10. However, many of the others don’t come naturally to most people of Christian upbringing. It’s taken active effort to apply these principles to my daily life.

RULES 1, 2, & 8

I started out focusing on the rules that deal with keeping my mouth shut. It’s second nature to many of us to just spill our guts to random people throughout the day, participate in the constant bitching and moaning people do about everything, or give advice where it isn’t wanted. This just creates unnecessary drama and emotional labor. After working on this a while, I really noticed a huge difference in my friendships, my working relationships, and my home life. I no longer freely offer my opinions unless requested, I don’t complain to people unless they want to hear it (AND if it is constructive or will benefit me), and I don’t choose to insert myself into situations I know I’ll complain about. Basically, I keep my mouth shut about things that aren’t my business unless I’ve been invited to make it my business. As a result, I notice that I don’t get pulled into drama I don’t want to be involved in. It’s easier to stay out of things that aren’t worth my time and are really none of my business. I also get to choose what is worth getting involved in. It’s really freeing, mentally and emotionally, so i can invest time and effort into other areas of my life. Some aspects of social anxiety I struggle with were lifted, and I was able to put more distance between me and people I don’t care to associate with. At home with my partner, I learned to ask when to listen, when to give advice and when to sit back and just offer support. And I stopped contributing to the constant cloud of complaints that just hovers over my workplace. If i have constructive comments or opinions that will benefit me, I write them up in a professional manner and send them to my boss. I don’t bitch about it to my coworkers, which often doesn’t do any good. If I’m in a situation I feel the need to complain about, I take the initiative to change my situation rather than just idly wish it was different. This has actually helped me progress in my career as I’m seen as a problem solver who brings ideas to the table, rather than just pointing out flaws or starting drama.

RULES 4 & 11

So these rules are similar in that they lay the foundation for expecting respect and removing people from your life who do not give you the respect you deserve. These rules were hard for me because they deal with treating other people in a manner I was taught was “mean”, “disrespectful”, and “rude”. I used to bow my head to everyone. I never made eye contact. This stemmed from having low self-esteem and low self-respect. I grew up with an abusive mother and my father enabled her behavior. I was used to being treated like trash. It was normal, I expected it, and it’s hard to unlearn things than have been ingrained since childhood. I spent a lot of time thinking about what it meant to be an independent being with inherent worth and value. I needed to learn how to replace the respect I once had for a non-existant god with respect for myself because I am essentially my own god. I make the rules for my own life and no one has the right to impose themselves on my life, for which I have complete control and responsibility over. Then I got angry... and then I got therapy. In the process, I found a level of respect for myself and established a “no tolerance” policy for behaviors towards me that perpetuated my old mindset. Also, the introduction of regular self-empowering rituals (see the next point) have greatly improved my mood, my motivation, and confidence in myself to demand the level of respect I deserve from the people I choose to let participate in my life. After that, adopting rules 4 and 11 was easier than I thought. “Treat them cruelly” and “destroy them” sounds like strong language, but for me, this means “remove them from your life”.

For rule 4, I define “lair” as being my personal space. My home, my car, and anywhere I am privately. I don’t tend to invite people over, so I don’t leave myself open to this often. However, last year, I was sexually assault after a gig with my band. He was a friend of the drummer (who was also my friend and coworker) and had too much to drink to drive. His home was on my way home and I offered to give him a ride. Had I been the person I used to be, I would have blamed myself. I would have just let it go, not wanting to stir up trouble between this guy and our mutual friend. However, being the person I am now, I immediately made a police report (which is a whole story in and of itself) and pursued an order of protection (because he indicated intent to see me again at our shows etc). The male officers I spoke with told me that I should just “bring a cousin or brother along” if I was afraid for my safety. I told them I wanted to see their supervising officer. I reported them both and I got my police report. My assailant didn’t come to the first, second or third hearing and the judge said a single assault wasn’t grounds for an order of protection. However, at the fourth hearing, he showed up and signed a consent judgement, which essentially admits fault and agrees to the order being put into place. It is now visible on his public record and he has been removed from my path.

For rule 11, I interpret “open territory” to mean any public space where I am in contact with other people (work being the main example). I have encountered so many so-called “strong personalities” in my field, ranging from an openly racist boss, to an incredibly passive aggressive supervisor, to a verbally abusive staff member. In every case, I was personally and negatively affected by their behavior and it was impeding my happiness at work and my productivity, either directly or indirectly through negative impacts on other coworkers. The person I was would have kept my head down. The person I am now made a well thought out and professional HR complaint, all of which were taken very seriously and corrective action was implemented. Each individual was removed from immediate contact with me and I have progressed in my career in their absence. In addition, I have used these rules to remove my parents from my life. My mental health has exponentially improved since going no contact with them. I can’t even explain the level of emotional stability I have achieved through taking actions like these.

RULE 7

The use of magick.... this is the rule that needlessly trips everyone up. Ive heard some people say this is absurd and proof that LaVeyan Satanists believe in the supernatural. Magick is the act of causes change to occur in accordance with your Will. The only change that can occur is chance that occurs in accordance with nature. Ritual is a psychological method of manipulating your own mind to achieve something you normally wouldn’t. A basic example is your morning routine. Every morning, I have a choice. I can wake up early, take a shower, grab a cup of coffee, and plan my day, or I can snooze my alarm, roll out of bed, skip the shower and coffee. Personally, I am more likely to be productive and in the right mindset for the day in the first scenario. This is ritual. This is magick. My behavior affects my mindset. The physical motions I choose to go through have an impact on my future actions and the outcomes. If reading tarot or using special essential oils or performing elaborate rituals by candlelight help you achieve a mindset that allows you to achieve your goals, go for it. I performed “lesser magick” in various ways to increase my focus, decrease stress, increase motivation, and bring about change. I have also used a personalized version of the “ritual for destruction” included in the Satanic Bible in many cases to help me achieve the changes I want to see in the removal of people from my life. If it doesn’t work for you, it’s ok. Rule 7 says if it DOES work for you, go with it. Everyone is different and everyone will have different psychological ways of helping themselves succeed.

If you made it this far, thanks for reading. I hope it’s helpful for you. Always happy to chat with new (and seasoned) Satanists.

Hail Satan.

Submitted September 01, 2020 at 12:19PM by SubjectivelySatan via reddit https://ift.tt/2ED0IBR

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ah17hh · 4 years

Text

Applying the Satanic Rules of the Earth to my life - a success story via /r/satanism

Applying the Satanic Rules of the Earth to my life - a success story

TL;DR: Actively applying the 11 Satanic Rules of the Earth has greatly improved my life. If you’re thinking about it, give it a serious try. Go all in and I’m sure you’ll see results too.

————————-

BACKGROUND

For those unfamiliar, the 11 Satanic Rules of the Earth as written in the Satanic Bible are:

Do not give opinions or advice unless you are asked.

Do not tell your troubles to others unless you are sure they want to hear them.

When in another’s lair, show him respect or else do not go there.

If a guest in your lair annoys you, treat him cruelly and without mercy.

Do not make sexual advances unless you are given the mating signal.

Do not take that which does not belong to you unless it is a burden to the other person and he cries out to be relieved.

Do not complain about anything to which you need not subject yourself.

Do not harm little children.

Do not kill non-human animals unless you are attacked or for your food.

When walking in open territory, bother no one. If someone bothers you, ask him to stop. If he does not stop, destroy him.

While the writing clearly reflects LaVey’s quirkiness, the message here is solid. I personally don’t have any issues refraining from disrespecting someone in their own home, committing sexual assault, stealing, hurting children, or killing animals for sport, so I won’t get into numbers 3, 5, 6, 9 or 10. However, many of the others don’t come naturally to most people of Christian upbringing. It��s taken active effort to apply these principles to my daily life.

RULES 1, 2, & 8

RULES 4 & 11

RULE 7

If you made it this far, thanks for reading. I hope it’s helpful for you. Always happy to chat with new (and seasoned) Satanists.

Hail Satan.

Submitted September 01, 2020 at 11:19AM by SubjectivelySatan via reddit https://ift.tt/2ED0IBR

#IFTTT #reddit

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theleftoverurl · 5 years

Text

Unexpected

Back into termtime and the adjustment is hard mentally, really difficult to fight the cold and holiday brain and gear back into work.

So I was up till 3 giving the old Tinder another whirl with not a lot of success tbh. Matched with Kev and we had a good chat which was nice.

Kate paid me $15 to borrow my car which was fine aha but idk things have been warming up recently so hopefully we are on our way to being closer again because I do miss that friendship but also it kind of made me sad how businessy the whole deal was - there was a time where I'd go along for the lols. Anyway she took my tutees Chem book with her because I'm dumb so I just watched standups on Netflix all day and napped.

And because I didn't have heaps in the house and I'm too lazy without the car to buy food and I didn't want to UberEats I stole a can of salmon from her shelf in the pantry for lunch oops but it was like black garlic flavoured and tasted gross so I had to steal two slices of bread from the freezer that were randomly frozen and Marmite and peanut butter. I still have to sneaky sneaky dispose of the evidence oops.

Then in the evening Daniel picked me and Nicole up and we went to Doughboy pizza in Randwick which was clearly not set up for people to eat in lol. They didn't even have plates and it was just two small tables but the owner was really nice and full on gave us an extra loaf of garlic and cheese bread and some dippable garlic breadstick things too in return for rating him on Google lol. It was good to catch up with them because I haven't seen them since before Melbourne and maybe even Perth.

Afterwards we popped into Kurtosh for Nutella kurtoshes and a hot chocolate to take into the movies and went to see John Wick 3. It was not my cup of tea, a little bit unnecessarily violent and a bit too long but it was still like a good movie and I can see why people would like the franchise. From the outside the whole reconsecrated-deconsecrated thing and the symbols and markers was a bit wanky but I'm sure that with the missing extra emotional tone in the first movie it would have made more sense.

Nicole recruited me and I recruited Tom for her wearable posture device for her ILP project. I think how it works is we wear it every day for three months and it will track our posture on an app and buzz if we have poor posture to try remind us not to slouch which is kind of cool. It's really for patients with spinal stenosis and stuff so it's a bit of a gimmick novelty for us as the control group I feel.

Then declan messaged that he and his friend Ryan were randomly going to come over and so I went back home and let them in but they couldn't stay long cos Ryan had to be back in Hornsby by 1230 and by then it was already 1130pm lol. He was super nice though and then we had loud music with lots of singing and speeding on the way to drop Ryan off and low-key we wanted to climb to the roof or bridge of Westfield in Hornsby but Ryan convinced Declan it was too dangerous by accident and we couldn't even get into the carpark when we went once we dropped Ryan off. But I got my first look at the Hornsby Westfield shopping area which looks very typical, a bit like Claremont in Perth. There was no way to get in, so we headed to Declan's house.

We had to be quiet because his parents would be mad that a girl is sleeping over but Declan thought it was worth it which is weird because like it was a completely unnecessary part of my night but it was okay. We had slightly deeper friend chats about our love lives and friends and things which was nice and Declan did some work and I scrolled social media aimlessly. Then he went to bed on the couch outside and I took his bed oops for the night.

Tomorrow will be a challenge because I have to be social and woo his mum who will be mad that I'm here oops. But it will be okay and then I will get a drop at uni to hopefully actually get some work done - or maybe just find people to annoy, depends on how the day goes. And then I have tutoring and either vivid or seeing Su. A lot of bravery necessary tomorrow.

Su dom and Ryan were actually at John wick they sat a bit in front of us but they didn't see us cos they came in late when it was dark and typically the Malaysians didn't wave and I didn't cos I was scared of the awkwardness lol. Also at Hornsby i stole a second traffic cone which is in Declan's back seat to be my parking placeholder again back in coog AND because I'm here I've forgotten my pill for the night so unless I fix my life I am about to bleed.

I also have to pay Sweta for accommodation before she gets mad at me lol and book skiing ahhh I'm such a flake when it comes to this NZ trip like what is wrong with me? And i have to look up elective placements in case they need to be organised early and remember to do the online module tomorrow night. Also I really want my book to come in the mail for bookclub so I can keep hyping it I am really really worried that a lot of people won't have secured copies so I am going to have to try and like sort people out in terms of that as well. Also I'm sort of hoping if the vivid thing happens tomorrow - Declan is organising maybe Kate will wanna come and like this could be an opportunity to bond but also it is difficult because she's so like anti my friends but it's so hard to not like assume or get annoyed that it's so difficult like I get along with most people's friends idk. Oh and I also need Mirettes notes if I'm gonna survive management because I haven't attended a single lecture and I have no idea what the fuck is happening and the lectures aren't recorded so that's important too oops.

Apart from that, the social calendar, like the weather is looking up this week, on Wednesday I see my supervisor for the first time in ages and after Courteney and I are going to the pav to share a bottle of wine and then chat thai on a mini double date, I have hockey and tutoring as usual on Thursday, Friday is mgmt with Andy which means hot choccy and Whitehouse Friyays hopefully with whoever wants to come then I promised kuheli I'd sleepover at hers and I owe her big energy cos I was tired last time which was last year omg and then Sunday I have hockey in sutho all morning and then will take Catherine to the markets somewhere like Glebe or something maybe to hang out and look around which should be fun. So yeah, busier week social wise and still not a lot of uni work to ramp up to because next thing due for med is my final report in October. halfway through ILP how unbelievable.

Right it's 330 again and time for some good old sleep but that's the downlow for now, more tea next week to come. Hopefully I can fkin get up tomorrow ugh sleep levels will be so low. Nighty night!

#personal

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