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ilovecupcakesandtea · 27 days

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Chapter one Chapter eight My master list

Title: Chapter seven

Word Count: 1628

Archive Warnings: Smut in future chapters. Slight angst. Alcohol misuse.

Rating: E

Pairing(s): Eddie Munson/Steve Harrington Robin Buckley/Chrissy Cunningham

Character(s): Eddie Munson, Steve Harrington, Robin Buckley, Chrissy Cunningham, Benny, Uncle Wayne & The Party

Tags: Smut. Angst. Steddie. Buckingham. Steve Harrington. Eddie Munson. Robin Buckley. Chrissy Cunningham. Band AU. TW Alcohol use.

Summary (optional): Two different styles of music, two boys that really don't like each other. What could possibly go wrong?

Beta Reader: Thank you so much to my beautiful beta readers @slippy-slip @ladydarklord & @dontwasteyourchances

Art link and credit: Art is by the wonderfully talented @pink-luna-moth (as is the banner)

Fic link and credit: Ao3 Link

AN: First off thank you to Alex for the art and being just amazing to work alongside. Thank you to Slip for dragging me back from the edge so many times over this. I really am so excited to have this out here!!

I wrote this for the @strangerthingsreversebigbang event and had a lot of fun doing so!!

Divider links: reblog and music notes

Two weeks later, the girls set their plan into motion. Chrissy had told Eddie that she wanted to meet him at his favourite coffee shop and Robin told Steve the same. The morning of, all they could both do was wait and hope it all went ok.

Eddie was the first to arrive, thinking back he should have known something was wrong. Chrissy wasn’t a fan of this coffee shop, she preferred the sugary drinks from the place around the corner. He sat down and knowing full well he was about 10 minutes early got his book out to kill time.

“Have you seen Robin?” a voice asked from beside him, “I was meant to be meeting her here”

“And I was meant to be meeting her little meddling witch of a girlfriend.” Eddie sighed, looking up at the face of Steve.

“This was a set up, wasn’t it?” Steve grumbled.

“ ‘fraid so” Eddie replied, “you don’t need to stay if you don’t want to”

“No, we should talk, if they’re getting involved it’s gone on too long,” Steve said sitting down with his coffee opposite the other brunette. “What have I done? Don’t say it’s not me because I’m the only one you’ve been ignoring and I’m the only one you avoid. So, what have I done?”

“That night at the club hurt, ok? I wasn’t expecting declarations of love or even a date. But damn, it was cold as fuck to just go and find someone else to take home right under my nose.” Eddie said, fidgeting with his fingers.

This felt like a make-or-break moment; there was a chance Steve could get really freaked out and walk away from everything. Steve could tell him he was with that other guy and that they could still be friends or he could tell him that taking that guy home was a mistake.

“You zipped up your pants and walked away from me within seconds” Steve pointed out. “We walked back into the club, grabbed drinks, and you walked away from me without a second thought.”

“I wanted to give you space. We haven’t exactly been the best of friends, well ever. I wanted to give you a chance to work out what you wanted, if anything, from me.” Eddie replied, finally looking at Steve. “You went and found someone within a handful of minutes and didn’t take too much longer after that to take him home, so I figured you didn’t want anything from me. It just really hurt to see it thrown in my face is all.”

“I’ve been such an idiot.” Steve declared moving to sit by the other man “I thought you walking away meant you didn’t want anything and regretted what had happened. I found him to make myself feel better, he was actually awful in bed” he ended with a laugh.

“I’m not even going to pretend to be sorry that my replacement was bad in bed” Eddie smirked, turning to face Steve.

“He could never replace you. You’re the most insufferable person I know, but despite that, I’d like a do-over of this whole thing. If that’s ok with you.” Steve asked.

“I’m sure we can do that. It was a miscommunication on both parts.” Eddie said

“Can we turn this into a date? A coffee date or a date somewhere else, you choose, I just want to take you on a date” Steve said.

“How about take away coffee and a walk back to mine?” Eddie asked, suggestively raising an eyebrow.

“I’ll get the coffee” Steve replied, standing up and heading back to the counter as quickly as he could, leaving Eddie cackling after him on the couch.

The walk back to Eddie’s consisted of holding hands, drinking coffee, and pressing each other into as many walls as they could with kisses and giggles.

Stumbling through the door to the apartment, clothes were quickly shed. The two boys made their way through to the bedroom, where they spent the next few hours wrapped together.

“Shall I make us something to eat before we have to head to band practice?” Eddie asked later in the day, walking out of his bedroom in just his sweatpants slung low on his hips.

“Please babe, I am hungry after that workout.” Steve laughed, following him in his boxers and a t-shirt he’d grabbed off the floor that he was sure was Eddie’s now he looked at it again.

“We can’t tell the girls their plan worked, we’d never hear the end of it if we did.” Eddie said, starting to go through his cupboards for the ingredients he needed.

“Agreed, say nothing has changed but make it very obvious something has?” Steve suggested.

“I like your way of thinking,” Eddie declared as he started to cook.

Walking into Chrissy’s garage in the early evening they noticed that the girls were both already there and going over some lyrics they must have been working on.

“Look bunny, it looks like they made up” Robin cheered, nudging Chrissy and nodding toward the boys that had just walked in.

“Not at all, your ridiculous plan didn’t work, I walked out as soon as I saw him” Eddie frowned, his arm very clearly slung over Steve’s shoulder and Steve’s arm very clearly around his waist.

“Which is for the best because I wouldn’t have stayed anyway,” Steve said.

“Ok, sure,” Robin shrugged. “Eddie’s shirt looks good on you though so maybe steal from his wardrobe more”

“You’re welcome asshole” Chrissy shouted as she headed back into her house to grab something.

Things changed from that evening onwards. Band practice was a lot more relaxed and hanging out for a little bit afterward always happened. Writing practice also saw a change in the lyrics, gone were the days of Eddie being poetic over doomed love he was now waxing lyrical over ‘big brown doe eyes’ and thick heads of soft brown hair.

The band interacted more on stage as well in their next gig which the fans seemed to love. Eddie was his normal charismatic self but he was all over Steve, touching him every opportunity he got, running his hands through Steve’s chest hair, on display as it always was when he was on stage, and singing any kind of dirty lyric to him.

“So, guys, you know my mom’s been in contact with a few record studios to get us sometime in a booth so we can record some of our songs and finally get them out there?” Chrissy asked as they all sat around her garage writing one evening. “Well, she’s managed to get us one week next month! We need to decide what we’re going to be recording.”

Chrissy’s mom had taken an almost manager’s role, her job as a lawyer and specialising in contract law she wanted to make sure if the band did get shown any kind of contract that they were treated fairly. Letting the band manage the actual running of the band and any drama there, keeping to making calls and checking contracts.

“That’s amazing! I’ll make sure to get her some flowers to say thank you” Steve said from his spot on Eddie’s knee.

“Should I be jealous? You never get me flowers, are you trying to woo Mrs Cunningham under my nose?” Eddie teased, poking Steve’s ribs and making him giggle.

“Yes, I’m trying to seduce Chrissy’s mom.” Steve replied, rolling his eyes “Think it’ll work Chris or do I need to add more Harrington charm to things when I see her next?”

“Please don’t talk about you and my girlfriend’s mom” Robin gagged, causing everyone else to fall around laughing.

One of Eddie’s friends, Gareth, was a producer and was free enough to join them for their recording session. The band had spent the three weeks they had between finding out and recording to practise the songs they wanted to record as much as possible and running through the track order so it all flowed smoothly.

The Monday morning of recording week saw the band awake and at the studio bright and early setting everything up ready for when Garetharrived. He had already spoken to them over speakerphone to give them a rundown of how the week would go and a timeline for what would happen after. They had decided that the album would be 10 songs lasting roughly 50 minutes.

“Let's get this show on the road!” Gareth shouted as he walked into the studio where the band was waiting. “Quicker we start laying things down, the quicker all this comes together. Almost no song ever gets recorded just once so be patient and stick with it and it’ll be magic, okay?”

It was decided that the bass and drums for each song would be recorded first so that they could be used to keep the beat for the vocals and guitar. The first couple of songs were recorded fast and by the end of the first day the band walked away exhausted and achy but with a feeling that something great really was happening.

The rest of the album was recorded during the rest of the time they had, the band having to take breaks to rework things with Gareth's Input so that everything flowed better. As they left the studio in the early hours of the Saturday morning, there was a real buzz of excitement over what they had managed to accomplish in the last few days. They had been able to have a listen to a rough copy of the album before they left and they were all really proud of what they had been able to accomplish on their own, well with Gareth’s help. Now to get it out there and on sale.

#eddie munson #steve harrington #stranger things #steddie #robin buckley #steve x eddie #steddie fic #steddie fanfic #steddie fanfiction #chrissy cunningham #buckingham #smut #tw smut #tw alcohol

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milktea067 · 1 year

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Self love time! This fic is inspired by “I LOVE MY BODY” by Mother moon!

Hey y’all! Been a while! Have this as payment for my absence! I have whole bunch of unfinished projects in my drafts, so I have been writing I just haven’t finished them!

Sunny x gender neutral reader! Platonic!

Warnings:Mentions of low self esteem and needing validation/Mentions of emotionally unavailable or unstable parents/Mentions of not feeling good enough/some tears but not too many!

Not proofread very well 💀

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You had just arrived at the daycare, the sound of other children laughing and playing filling your ears as your caretaker dropped you off with a smile, promising to be back later and encouraging you to have fun.

Gosh you were excited. You loved coming here day after day, almost looking forward to your guardian(s) having to work early or late if it meant you got to spend time with your favorite friend in the world.

Weaving through the crowd of excited children you finally saw him, Sunny. Dressed head to toe in a silly jester costume, bells hanging off of his wrists and ankles, making him jingle with every step or movement. He was currently entertaining them by balancing a plastic ball on his face, his voice playful as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other.

“Hey kids! This is a lot of fun, but you know what else is fun? Singing! I love singing, you can sing about anything!” He exclaimed, hopping up in excitement and causing the plastic ball to fly in the air, coming down and hitting his head with a soft thud.

Of course this made the lot of you giggle, hushed murmurs soon falling onto the crowd as he began to speak again.

“Today we’re going to be singing about my favorite thing ever! Can anyone guess what it is?” He said, his whole body literally trembling in excitement, amusing you greatly as his robotic parts hummed, trying to keep up with him.

“Oh! Oh!! I know! It’s pancakes! I like pancakes!”

“Is it colors?! Mr.Sunny likes to color with my crayons!”

“I like kitty cats! Can we sing about kitty cats?!” They exclaimed.

The kids all seemed to have similar answers, some assuming he was talking about their favorite things such as their doggies or their kitties, others seeming to love the idea of him singing about candy and ice cream and other sweet treats.

None of them seemed to be correct, though.

“Those are all really good answers! Maybe we can sing about those things after! Though, I-I’m really surprised no one has guessed it yet!” The robot said, standing proudly with his hands on his hips while you and the other little ones looked at each other. Equally confused.

Seeing the confused faces and hearing the hushed whispers, Sunny let out a soft laugh, crouching down so he was level with all of you.

“I’m talking about you silly! My favorite thing in the entire world is you!!” He said, his robotic eyes seeming to soften as he gazed at all of you lovingly, his hands gently resting on his knees as you and the other children began to giggle.

You of course couldn’t help but smile, it felt good to know that there was someone that cared for you, and would love you unconditionally. You didn’t get much of that at home nowadays, your parent(s) or guardian always working, or just emotionally unavailable, always pushing you aside or brushing you off whenever you wanted to play or cuddle.

“Now, I’ve set up squares for all of you to stand on! It’s very very important to stand on your squares and your squares only! We wouldn’t want to accidentally hit someone while we’re letting the wiggle worms out would we?” Said sunny, standing up and gesturing to the neatly placed and equally spaced rubber squares he had set on the floor before hand.

After looking around you eventually found a square to stand on, smiling up at him as he reached around one of the slides and grabbed what seemed to be a ukulele.

“It’s okay If you don’t want to sing! You don’t have to dance or move ether if you don’t want too, I know sometimes being playful around new people can be scary, so you can take your time! We don’t mind, do we kids?” The robot said, receiving a collective “No Mr.Sunny!” From all of you.

“Alright! Here we go!” He said, his metal fingers moving along the strings, coaxing out a happy little tune.

You and the other kids happily watched and listened to your daycare attendant play the first couple seconds of the song, the same melody repeating a couple times before he began to sing.

“I love my body from my head to my toes, I love my face— my eyes my mouth my nose!”

“I love the way I look when I look in the mirror, I stand a little closer just to see a little clearer”

“Who is that..? It’s me!”

He sang, the kids around you laughing as they tried their best to sing with him, able to predict some of his words and happily shout along. He laughed with you all, his mechanical head gently tilting side to side as he sang and played, his whole body gently swaying with the music and his favorite munchkin’s voices.

“And I am looking good as good can be..”

“So, what do I say?”

“I tell myself I love me everyday!”

It was…strange hearing those words, especially when it was about you. You had always thought, for some reason or another, that you were not good enough. That maybe, if you were different, your caretakers or friends would love you better.

Tears began to fill your eyes, sadness and joy swirling in your chest as you let them fall. Your little mind didn’t understand why you were feeling like this, the only thing you knew was that you didn’t want him to stop. You wanted to hear those words forever.

Circling back to the previous line, Sunny noticed you had stopped swaying. It didn’t take him too long to see the small tears falling down your face as you listened to the sound of his ukulele, and the kids voices singing in uncoordinated “unison”.

Slowly, sunny crouched down in front of your square, softening his strumming just a little bit to make the kids quiet down, and slowly ease the energy in the room so he could do his best to connect with you on a more personal level.

“So what do I say..?”

He sang, his voice trailing off as he waited for you to answer. Slowly, through your tears, your voice broke through.

“..I tell myself I love me everyday..”

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I hope you enjoyed this one! Once again, sorry for being gone for so long!

Tags!: @boxofbadsenses @starryshipz @femalemarvelself @anima-chara @mossygremlinchild

#fnaf security breach #five nights at freddy's #fivenightsatfreddyssecuritybreach #x reader #comfort #sunnydrop x reader #sunnydrop fnaf #child reader #slight angst #self healing #inner child #self love

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twistedboxy · 1 year

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Written on 2/15/23 on paper but didn't type it up til recently

Lately I haven't felt like myself since I got some news a while back. There are so many things that make me anxious or upset, even stupid little things that are not even part of my control. Last Saturday 2/11/23, I literally had to pull into a parking lot to cry and have an anxiety attack. I have so many thoughts that make me anxious or think about lost things like mom and get upset.

As many of you know I’m the oldest and have two younger sisters. K (28) and M(19). K,me and K’s boyfriend live together as well as my mom before she passed. In Dec, K told me she was pregnant. She’s almost 30 so she can do whatever and I support any of her choices. She’s an adult. She had been nervous to tell me and when she did kinda sent me into a panic about all the things to do.

Luckily there are many wonderful people in my life that quelled most of my worry. You know who you are. I love you all. I’m scared of being an aunt but those who know me think I’ll be wonderful. I’ve slowly been getting excited as well.

We talked again after she finally told our dad. (There’s some emotional trauma between us but that is a different post.) He seemed pretty supportive and excited from what she told me. She brought up a good point about the baby continuing our legacy since it would have just ended at us. That brought up a lot of feelings on how much we both miss our mom. For me it’s tough since I look a lot like her.

I’ve been thinking about experiences that I haven’t had yet. Some of us have talked about what they are. Not going into full detail but would talk in dm. I also think about life and death. I know I'm being vague but I tend to end up in a loop of scaring myself.

I’ve also been bored and frustrated at work. Things have slowed down considerably between closing test sites and putting a hold on files we were scanning. A lot of the stuff that we were scanning was technically done. The original person who they had scanning files was told something completely different or it got jumbled along the way. They also left him to his own devices. We had been helping out on the side to keep busy. Yet they let him go. We got the big scanner for mass documents ordered and set up. My other coworker who was scanning along with me are currently waiting for the one manager to show us what to do.

I’ve also assisted with various file retrieval which I’m quite good at. I have a list that are from one specific company but I’ve been through all that was available in one of the rooms we keep files. The rest of the boxes are wrapped in pallets in the back space with other stuff blocking it. We didn’t think we ever needed to go back to it since we scanned everything. We don’t have the space to move the in front items about to and fro. This is pretty much daily. I get occasional projects or orders from some sites as well as logging Fedex packages. It’s very boring and frustrating. At least when I was scanning I could put on a show and do both. Why do I go?

If you're still reading this, thank you again for hearing me out. It means a lot to me. I don’t make posts like this often.

I’ll post my sister’s registry in a while if you'd like to send something.

#personal #needed to get this out of my system

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annibtj · 2 years

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26th august 2022

hello! how have you all been? i know it’s back to school season for a lot of you - i hope you’re taking care of yourselves and enjoying the start of a new semester!

i wanted to come on here and just have a chat, it’s been a while...

i feel like, while i may have posted the occasional photo here and there, i haven’t actually been very present, and while i post on instagram and youtube a decent amount, i always find myself missing this space.

i do feel like it’s hard for me to post here, a place where i used to document my studies and my productivity, now that i am no longer studying/a student/being productive in the ways that i used to.

in case you missed it - i graduated end of 2020 and started a masters in the first half of 2021, but dropped out because it wasn’t the course for me (my advisor literally told me to drop out and save myself the money. lol)

while i do think i still want my masters (maybe in english, instead of creative writing specifically) and so i hope to return to academia at some point, you might be wondering what i’ve been up to for the past year.

2022 has been more crazy than 2021, where i was working a hospitality job trying desperately to recover from academic burnout and my anxiety that had been running mostly unchecked while i was studying. my anxiety has got significantly worse before getting better (and i still think i have a ways to go before i have somewhat of a handle on it) and my hospitality job demanded way too much of me physically, actually.

really, i’ve spent the first half of this year riddled with anxiety attacks and back pain, which hasn’t been that great.

but in june i moved house, quit my job, and have been focusing on building my mental and physical strength back up since then - i am so lucky to have a partner who not only has a well paying job but who is willing to support me and in fact, encouraged me to quit my job and focus on myself for a bit. words cannot describe how blessed i have felt to take this break and kind of ‘sort’ my life out.

but as i’ve said, i’ve been missing this blog, i’ve been missing ‘being productive’ in an odd sense, and most of all, i’ve missed writing. if you’ve followed me since i was studying for my undergraduate degree you would know i majored in creative writing and also got a minor in english studies. and while i obviously am no longer studying, i have always wanted to talk about what i love - books, and writing, and writing my own books.

essentially, when i dropped out of my masters last year, my academic burnout was creative writing burnout. i have barely done any writing over the past year. and i’ve been patient with myself, even though the itch to be doing something, the itch to get back to what i love, has been hovering over me for months, i am finally feeling up to scratching that itch, and getting back to it. and not only that, but sharing my work as well.

i would love to write for a living - novels are my dream, and will probably be what i talk about the most, but there isn’t really an income in novel writing (if you’re like me, with no signed book deal to go off) but my partner has been pushing me to start a patreon, which is something i would honestly love to look into, a way to share my writing with you all but not totally fall into the starving artist stereotype. patreon is something i need to plan more, and will probably be something i talk more about, but in the mean time, i’m excited to start sharing more writing related content with y’all. this is how i’m going to be being productive, this is what’s going to be taking up my time, and this is going to be my future.

i’m looking forward to bringing y’all along with me x

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aspl1tl1fe · 1 year

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Setting Up Audre 2.6

Today we’ll take a look at the final building on the Franklin Market lot (originally Franklin Apartments), located on 3 Main Street in @one-plumbob‘s custom world Pleasant Isle. For visual reference, that’s the grey building to the left:

It’s in this section of the lot, that I built, what I’ve decided (decided as in as I’m writing this, lol) to call The Pet Stop, because it contains a pet store, pet grooming area, and a veterinary office. I mentioned in my post for The Nectar Shop & Formagore that The Pet Stop was actually set up before I worked on the Nectar shop. At the time, I remember feeling a combination of boredom and anxiety, and thought working on a shop I’d never attempted before would better feed my creative needs. It worked, although, do to the space, and my own limited abilities, there were some things I was unable to achieve with this store.

Here’s the front entrance:

If you recall, back in July, I put out a post requesting assistance with finding deco puppies and kittens. Those were for those little window box displays beneath the cat and dog signs.

I have these memories from family movies I saw during my childhood of people taking their children to get a family dog or ending up with a new pet because the kid saw puppies through the display window and the parents couldn’t resist the child’s pleading. So when I saw how One-plumbob had set up their deco pet shop, I recalled those images from tv, and they inspired my reno.

As a quick aside I want to thank @murfeelee, @browniecap, and especially @omedapixel for helping me in my cc search for this reno, and the latter, for converting some objects for my personal use.

Okay, now we move inside. Here’s a shot of the main shopping area from just beyond the entrance:

I don’t think I’ve ever used that fire hydrant (or any really) in any of my builds or renos until now. I’m pretty sure, it was the last thing I placed, either because I felt the spot right be the corridor was too bare, or because I came across it in buydebug and thought this would be a good opportunity to throw this in. In hindsight, I wish it was red, or red and white. I can’t remember if this hydrant can’t be recolored, or if red wasn’t an option among the others or if I went with blue and white on my own when setting this up. The point is, I am not happy with it now that I look at this image.

Here’s another shot from the entrance turned just slightly.

At this angle you can see where I’ve placed more deco animals.

I came across those cages awhile ago. don’t remember where they came from, but as soon as I knew I was making a pet store I was excited to use them. I had to do some shrinking and placement fandangoing to get those dogs (and wolves, but pretend they’re dogs ok, lol) in there, but I think the end result is pretty nice.

Here are some more shots of different sections of the store:

If you haven’t guessed by now, I went on a pet download binge for this. I had a lot of items already, went ahead and got the rest of the items in @aroundthesims‘ pet store collection, and Omedapixel’s pet item set (I think those things are yours). I was also lucky that around the time I was finishing up @phoebejaysims had completed their Pet Bowl Requires Food mod. I’ve stashed the bags for that on that shelf (see the pic immediately following) to the far right with the kitty litter boxes beneath it.

Here are more angles of the shop:

You can kind of see the area where I’ve got toy boxes, and dishes set up as like my doggie section. I didn’t realize it until now that this little section as well as the one for cats (just beside the kitten and pup display), can’t really be seen well from any of my photos. Sorry about that.

Going back to when I mentioned that there were some things with this build that I was unable to accomplish.

I didn’t have enough space to put in cages and terrarium’s for minor pets. As an alternative I tried to create a wall display of tanks as I’d downloaded a custom terrarium that has been removed from the base. Unfortunantely, I couldn’t figure out how to raise those tanks as they don’t work with OMSP, and I don’t have experience with some of the other tricks using cheats and other mods that allow one to raise objects. For now, I just have to be satisfied knowing minor pets can be purchased from the pet store register.

Speaking of which, here are the shots of the sales floor near and from behind the registers:

I might try to figure out how to use those build tricks later on, or expand the pet shop to include what I had to leave out in the future. Perhaps I’ll make a more specialized pet place, for minor pets and edit this for just cats and dogs.

So if the steps didn’t clue you in, this is a multistory shop. I’ll share the shots of the second floor next week!

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bazwillendinflames · 2 years

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Red Menace (Abigail & Emma)

Emma helps Abigail dye her hair.

Read on Ao3

“Abi, you are full of surprises.”

Emma emerged from her bag, not with the suncream Abigail had offered, but with a familiar looking box. She waved it around, looking pleased at her discovery.

“It’s just hair dye.”

“Nope. It’s fun hair dye!” Emma smiled. “How could you hide this? You know I love makeovers!”

“It was sort of an impulse buy. I had this whole idea of reinventing myself this Summer.” Abigail pulled at her hair, currently a faded brown from where she had bleached the bottom of it. She had been going for a soft summer kind of look, but her hair just felt plain.

“Okay. You know I already think you’re the cutest thing ever, right?” Emma said.

“You do?” Abigail asked.

“But… you packed this hair dye and all these cute clothes and haven’t touched them all Summer. So, this makeover suggestion is for you to shine the way you deserve. A confidence boost really.”

Abigail tried not to get too swept up in Emma’s infectious energy. “Makeover?”

“It’ll be fun,” she promised. “I think red’s totally your colour.”

Abigail picked up the box, looking at the smiling model on the box. “I don’t know. I also brought extra black. I should just go back to my natural colour.”

“If that’s what you want,” Emma said. “But, you’d look so cute with red! Oh, or maybe a mix of both. I gave my friend Georgie the best blue streaks and they called me, ‘almost like a professional.’”

“High praise,” Abigail joked. “But I don’t think streaks will suit me.”

“One streak?” Emma pushed. “Okay. Back to black then. But I’ll still help you do it.”

Abigail looked down at the box, slightly crushed in her hands. On the other side of the box, the model had been edited to show other styles. The one in the middle caught her attention.

“I like this one,” Abigail admitted. “But I don’t know if it’ll suit me.”

“Let me see.” Emma leaned over, where she was pointing at the ombre styling. “Abi! You really are full of surprises. That’s so cool!”

“Probably wouldn’t suit me then.”

“Nope. No putting yourself down. That’s my best friend you’re talking about.”

Abigail smiled. “I’m your best friend?”

“Duh.” Emma smiled again. “So, what do you think? Trust me with your hair?”

Abigail pulled at the end of her off-blonde hair again. “Yeah. Let’s do it!”

Emma’s excited squeal was enough to get Abigail smiling too.

By the time Abigail had returned from the shower block, her hair damp under the towel as instructed, Emma had already read through the instructions three times. “Welcome to the salon madam.”

Abigail laughed. She had a really sweet one, although she was always hiding it behind her hands. Emma was determined to bring her friend out of her shell.

“Do you have an opening?”

“I’m afraid we’re booked up for months. Lucky for you, my last client just went bald, so I have space.” Emma pulled out the wooden chair. “Do sit down.”

“Thank you.”

Abigail adjusted the towel so it fell around her neck. She had changed into one of the camp shirts that was already stained with blodges of paint. She gave her hair a brush and then let it fall down again. Emma pulled on the plastic gloves with a snap. She picked up the brush and stirred the red mix around, finally putting the first streak in Abigail’s hair.

“No turning back now,” she joked. “You’re committed to red menace now.”

“Oh. What?”

“It’s the shade name. Snappy right.” Emma added another streak. “This is going to look great!”

“Red’s always been my favourite colour.”

“Yeah? Is there a whole artsy reason why?”

Abigail giggled. “Sort of. It’s a primary colour, so it’s the starting point for most of the other colours. And my first painting that I got an award for was only black and white and red.”

“You’re so good.”

“You haven't seen it,” Abigail replied.

“I’ve seen what you draw. You’re amazing.” Emma moved to the right side of her head. “But you totally let the art do the talking.”

She continued to work. Abigail seemed more relaxed now, her eyes closed, humming a little as Emma massaged the dye into her hair.

“I don’t know. The camp’s filled with so many loud and confident people. It’s kinda hard to get them to pay attention to me.”

Emma had a feeling that she knew exactly who Abigail wanted to catch the eye off. But she didn’t want to push her too far out of her comfort zone. Baby steps.

“Well, when you walk into dinner like this, they’ll have no choice.”

“You think so?” Abigail asked.

Emma did a final check that she had applied the paste evenly, before peeling off the gloves. There was only one chair in their room, so she sat at the edge of one of the bunks.

“I told you Abi. You’re gonna shine.”

Abigail smiled. “If I could be half as confident as you are, that’d be awesome.”

“Confidence is all about feeling good. You aren’t dressing to feel good. You’re dressing to hide. Come one, I know that you packed so many cute outfits and yet, I’ve only seen you wear your camp shirt.”

Abigail crossed her arms. “It’s the uniform.”

“You already changed your hair. Why not put one of those cute little crop tops you packed?” Emma picked up Abigail’s bag again, rooting through it. There was a mesh crop top with red roses that she had spotted earlier. She held up against her own chest.

“I can’t wear that!”

“It’s your shirt. You packed it.” Emma held the shirt up against the box of dye. “It matches perfectly! Confidence Abi!”

Abigail unfolded her arms. “I’ll try it.”

Emma grinned. “Great!”

Abigail frowned. “How long are you supposed to leave this in? My neck’s starting to get itchy?”

Emma looked down at the box in her hands. “Shoot!”

Abigail hadn’t quite felt ready for the mesh shirt alone. But Emma had convinced her to layer a black tank top under and change out her usual shorts for one of the plaid skirts she had brought. It felt like a lot to wear just to eat burgers with the rest of the counselors, but Abigail tried to ignore the urge to cover it with a jacket. Emma wouldn’t forgive her if she tried.

Abigail gave her appearance a final look in the mirror. Now her hair was dry, exactly how vibrant the red ended up was clear. But she was surprised how much she liked it.

Emma was waiting outside of the dining hall. She grinned as she spotted Abigail, brushing off Jacob to wave. “Oh my god Abi, you look amazing!”

“Thanks.”

After an elbow to the ribs from Emma, Jacob added: “Cool hair Abi.”

“We should head in.”

“I agree.” Emma locked arms with Abigail, practically dragging her in. “Hi guys!”

Suddenly all eyes were on them. Abigail smiled. “Hey,” she added, quieter.

“You look awesome,” Kaitlyn complimented. “Abi, I am totally going to steal your outfit.”

“Oh thanks. It’s not too much?”

Kaitlyn shook her head. “What? No way.”

The rest of the counselor’s chimed in with their own compliments. Abigail headed over to the serving station, feeling her face was as red as her new hair colour. It wasn’t helped by the fact Nick was standing there too, making up his own plate.

“Abi?”

“Hi.” She busied herself with grabbing salad.

“You look really good,” Nick said. “Red’s actually my favourite colour. Doubly now.”

“Mine too!” Abigail said.

They shared a smile.

“You look… yeah wow. I’ll shut up now,” Nick muttered. He went to rejoin the others at the table.

“Abi!” Emma took his place. “You’re definitely shining now.”

“Oh my god. Thank you.”

Emma smiled. “Any time. But by the way, all those compliments, those dropped jaws, that’s all you.”

Abigail smiled back. Maybe this would be the life changing Summer she had been hoping for after all.

#the quarry #abigail blyg #emma mountebank

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thestartofabeautifulride · 2 years

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Some thoughts on this news of the move, because I process by getting it all out:

-We have been so confident that we would be here at least through Clara’s year of kindergarten. The kids have been talking about Clara going to Waylon’s school next year. And while yes, they’ll go to the same school next year, it won’t be THIS school and that makes me so sad. I genuinely love Waylon’s school, and I was so excited to have Clara get at least one year there

-My husband tried to get the jump on this situation by talking to the person I’m charge of assignments a few weeks ago. You know, get preferences in before he just got whatever they gave. And he was told his window wouldn’t open until we’d been here two years, but even more than that, someone had entered something improperly so his actual date in the system was like 6 years out (the end of his current contract), so theoretically we could’ve been here that long if he didn’t take any action. And yet here we are? We moved here February 2022, we will be leaving May 2023. Why.

-Here the school year ends May 26th, where we are moving it ends June 16th (yes, I’ve already been researching details like that 😅) and a May move is so messy! Like depending on the actual date, do I register Waylon at the new school to end his year? Especially with them still going for probably about a month it seems like maybe not a bad idea, but at the same time he started the year earlier than they did, so if his year is almost over here it doesn’t necessarily make sense to make him the new kid for a couple extra weeks of school.

-Also with a May move, presumably we will be leaving shortly before the year is over, so then the kids miss out on the little end of year celebrations/graduations. Clara’s preschool year last year she didn’t get to finish because we moved, and we’re just gonna go ahead and do that again to her? It just doesn’t feel right, not that I have any control over the situation at all

-I actually really like our house here. There are some things I don’t love about living here, but I finally was starting to feel like this is a home. Now knowing we are leaving, what’s the point in finishing getting things set up the way I like? I was about to buy some decor for the top of our cabinets, but why bother if I don’t know if our next house will have a space for it? I had these big goals of having our spare bedroom/office/craft room all set up nice while my husband was gone, because right now it’s our catch all for random stuff we haven’t felt like unpacking/sorting through. But genuinely, why would I even bother at this point?

-I honestly just feel SO bad for our kids. I know, I know, we chose this life, we knew that that meant moving around. But when it’s happening it is TOUGH. I feel guilty for choosing this for them. I feel so bad that they’ve had basically absolutely no stability the past few years. Bo’s entire life has been chaos of deployments and moves, Clara as long as she can remember. We had a pretty calm 2 years in Hawaii, 5 years in Tennessee/Kentucky where we moved once by choice, but it didn’t change anything for the kids. But now I feel like it’s always something.

-Not move related, exactly, but when my husband called me from work with news I was so sure he was about to give me bad deployment related news. And so then I was even more shocked when it was news that was completely and totally unexpected. I have a whole lot going on right now, and that added news just has me like 😱

-Where we are headed was absolutely not on the radar at all. I’ve been doing casual research on the places we were expecting to be our most likely next move, just because I like to be prepared. But this is not something we anticipated at all.

-This bullet point is one I need more time to process, but we are essentially moving “back home.” Like our parents live 2 hours away from each other, we would be moving to about 1 hour from each of them. And I can’t really say how I feel about that yet. There is the part of me that is happy for the kids sake’s, and it will be nice to have family nearby in case of emergencies or maybe we could even get ourselves some date nights. But. We really value having our own individual family unit. We like being able to live our lives and not feel pressured to do all sorts of things with family, because when you’re hours and hours away it’s just expected that you’ll have occasional visits, but that’s about it. I am so, so concerned about the pressure to be seeing family all the time. And that probably sounds terrible, but it is what it is. But, for the kids I think it will be nice. 🤷🏼‍♀️

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shadeedee · 10 months

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PROBLEMS WITH ROGER: Roger is way too clingy lately and it’s affecting their relationship. When Carmen joins a book club it only makes Roger even worse.

Carmen was sitting up in bed reading and wearing his brand new jumper that had just arrived that day. Roger lay his head on his shoulder and began nuzzling him tenderly. “Ohhhh. Such a nice, soft cuddly jumper. Mmmm,” he gushed. Carmen huffed. He knew what Roger wanted. But he wasn’t in the mood tonight. The book he was reading was also his favourite and he had just reached the next chapter which excited him. Roger moved very close to Carmen’s face and batted his eyes, gazing at him intently. Carmen tried to focus on his reading but it was very hard to focus when someone was right in your personal space. He shifted slightly across the bed, but Roger only shifted closer. He nuzzled his arm and then began kissing his face all over. “Roger stop it,” Carmen said, annoyed. Roger giggled. Then Carmen felt fingers crawling over his body. “Tickle tickle! Tickle tickle tickle!” Roger said cutely, causing Carmen to drop the book. “Oh Roger! For god sake! Now i’ve lost my page!” Carmen yelled. Roger stopped abruptly but he was smiling. Carmen huffed and rolled over, turning out the light. Roger immediately shifted close and began cuddling him. Carmen sighed and went to sleep with Roger still holding onto him.

The next morning, Carmen was in the living room with a group of other people reading a book. It was peaceful and silent when suddenly Roger came flouncing downstairs and came over to Carmen, kissing him tenderly. The group just stared, strangely. Carmen felt embarrassed. “Who are these people?” Roger asked. Carmen huffed. “They are part of the book club i’m in,” he replied. Roger batted his eyes. “Lately it seems you haven’t had much time for me because of this book club,” he said, nuzzling Carmen’s shoulder. “I promise we’ll snuggle later not now,” Carmen replied. Roger moved very close to him, almost knocking him over. “But I don’t need it later. I need it now. I’m getting urges. I want to snuggle,” he said, impatiently. “Roger please stop. You’re embarrassing me,” Carmen replied. “I want to snuggle. Now. Come on. Snuggle,” Roger said, climbing all over Carmen. He ended up knocking him over and laying on top of him on the floor, with the book behind him. Everyone gasped. A woman had also been knocked over who had been sitting beside him. Everyone was silent. Roger lay on top of Carmen, gazing at him. But instead of feeling bad and apologising, he did something else. He wrapped his arms around Carmen and began smothering him with kisses. “Roger! Stop it! Get off me! Get off!” Carmen shouted. “Snuggle! Snuggle with me! I love you!” Roger gushed, crazily. The group was horrified, and quickly left the house. Roger had gone mad. Carmen couldn’t believe what was happening. “Roger! What the hell is wrong with you!? Stop it!” he shouted. He finally managed to push him off with his last ounce of strength. Afterwards he stood there, looking at all the chairs toppled over and the books laying everywhere. He was so furious that he stormed upstairs, slamming the door. He couldn’t handle it anymore. Roger was just too clingy and he had to do something about it.

Later, Carmen was online reading how to handle your partner’s clinginess. Roger came over and looked at the screen. “Clingy? I’m not clingy am i?” he asked, sadly. “I’m sorry Roger but you are. Bad. Sometimes i need my own space and you can’t accept that. You’re constantly following me everywhere and wanting to touch me. Ever since i joined this book club you’ve been hogging my personal space,” Carmen replied. “Because you never have time for me anymore! I feel like i’m invisible to you! I have to beg for your attention and love!” Roger yelled. “Roger, the book club was for me to have some time to myself! I’m always giving you attention and i never get time on my own! It’s selfish! And it’s not good for any relationship!” Carmen argued. Roger’s eyes watered. “I want you to give up the book club and pay attention to me from now on. That’s that,” he said. Carmen was furious, now. “Oh i get it. Roger DeBris, who has to have all the attention! Who thinks he’s more important than anything else! I constantly give you attention Roger! All the time! I never get time to myself because you control me! And controlling relationships are not healthy! This is not healthy Roger! Maybe i should reconsider being in a relationship with you!” he shouted. Roger gasped. Then he put one leg up on the table and lifted up his dress. “What the hell are you doing?” Carmen asked. “Showing you what you’ll miss if you decide to leave me,” Roger replied. Then he turned around and began spanking himself while batting his eyes at Carmen. Carmen began to feel a horny urge inside of him. He tried to shake it off. Roger giggled. Then he lifted up the whole bottom of his dress exposing everything and his underwear. Carmen sighed with pleasure and fell onto Roger, both of them laying on the sofa. Roger closed the laptop computer and focused his attention on Carmen, kissing and touching him tenderly. “Mmmmm. Isn’t this nice? You won’t leave me, Carmen. Because you can’t resist me. You just love it when i bend over like this and show my nice, hairy ass cheeks,” Roger said, slowly pulling one side of his underwear over. “Ohhhh. Oh my god,” Carmen said, sighing with pleasure. Roger smirked. He had him right where he wanted him. “Or, perhaps you prefer me with no underwear on at all,” he said, and he took them off. Carmen moved close to him and began tenderly rubbing his butt cheeks. Roger chuckled with pleasure. Carmen put some lubricant on his fingers and began placing them inside Roger. Roger called out in pleasure and wrapped his arms around Carmen tightly. “Mmmm ooh nice,” he said, squeezing him tighter. Carmen felt like he was trapped in octopus tentacles but he couldn’t do anything about it. He honestly felt trapped in this relationship, but whenever he tried to get away, Roger would always know what to do to get him to stay. And he was good at it, too. Then he thought of something. “Maybe if i tickle him he will let go,” he thought. He began tickling Roger hard, causing him to burst into laughter. But it didn’t make him let go. Instead it made the pleasure inside him intensify, and he began smothering Carmen with kisses and tight hugs. Carmen’s eyes felt like they would pop out of his head. Nothing he did could free him from it all.

Afterwards, Carmen sat on the sofa, miserably. Roger batted his eyes. “Carmen, i want you to quit this book club you are in. It’s affecting our relationship. I miss your love and affection. Do it please. I know you’ll do anything for your Rogie bear,” he said, sweetly. Carmen sighed. He decided to go to Max and Leo for advice. They both agreed that he was in a controlling relationship. “Get out while you can. Don’t look back,” Leo said. “Absolutely. There’s other men out there who won’t control you like a puppet and will love you no matter what,” Max added. “But i’m in love with Roger. I just don’t like how he controls me. I can’t possibly see myself with any other man except Roger,” Carmen replied. They both sighed. “Sometimes if you love someone you have to let them go,” said Leo. “Or, you can confront him about your feelings and let him know how he is affecting you,” said Max. Carmen smiled. “I like that idea. I’ll have a serious conversation with him about it tonight,” he replied. When he returned home, Roger was sitting on the sofa, impatiently. “Carmen, where have you been? I’ve been waiting for you. Don’t leave like that again,” he said angrily. Carmen began to tear up. Roger fell silent. “Oh darling, i’m sorry. I didn’t mean to,” he began. Carmen nodded and gulped to keep from crying. “Roger, i love you. I truly do. But something’s got to give. This has to stop. I can’t stay with you otherwise. I need time to myself. On my own. It doesn’t mean I don’t love you. People need their space sometimes and you need to give me mine. I can’t keep living like this. I won’t leave you for any other man because i love you deeply. It’s tearing me apart,” he said. Roger’s eyes watered. “You’re right, Carmen. I’m so sorry. I’ve been horrible to you. I’ve been controlling and overbearing. I love you so much. And if this book club means a lot to you then please go ahead with it. You’re right about personal space. I need to accept that. I truly am sorry,” he replied. They both consoled each other. “A relationship is based on respect and i haven’t shown you any of that. I’m so sorry, Carmen. From now on I’ll definitely give you the space you need and the respect that you deserve,” Roger said. Carmen smiled.

#the producers #fanfic

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musicaespansiva · 1 year

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Julius Eastman marathon at 92nd Street Y

Last weekend was the Julius Eastman marathon. Friday night, Saturday afternoon and Saturday evening. Eastman is finally getting his due, which is fantastic, especially since I find him a lot more enjoyable than some of the modernists he was hanging out with at the time. (One of the other modernists was Petr Kotik as the SEM Ensemble was being founded. Over time, I’ve found Kotik to have squeezed every last breath of emotion out of his modernist pieces -- all intellect and nothing else.)

Friday evening was Femenine, which seems to be his most famous piece -- I have two recent recordings and there are others. Like most of Eastman’s work, there isn’t a full score here. Mostly the foundations of a performance -- a repetitive vibraphone phrase, repeated endlessly. (Think like an advanced version of In C’s pulse.) And tons of bells, played repetitively (hypnotically, like a ritual). And individual phrases given to various performers, but I don’t think any of it is specifically notated.

Femenine may be so popular, because the foundation is graspable, but it still leaves room for the performers to create a ritual space in which to play. How much is improvised/arranged isn’t clear, but the elements that are given seem to be enough to create a moment, which is presumably what Eastman wanted.

Saturday afternoon was several smaller pieces, including Evil N---, played by Adam Tendler and Devonté Hynes and the rest of the ensemble. Talked to Adam Friday night and a bit on Saturday night. Evil is a pounding piece, exploding in a way I haven’t quite determined. Not as angry as I’ve heard Rzewski’s Coming Together -- given the title, one might expect more raw anger. Not rhythmically or harmonically adventurous as other music I often listen to, being based again on certain repetitive motifs. Exciting to see in performance. And the quieter piano pieces showed a different side of Eastman that was quite beautiful.

Least successful to me was Saturday night’s Buddha. The program notes make reference to the score/piece as a process wrapped up in an egg, but this made no sense until Adam showed me his picture of the score (a single handwritten page without about two rows of note designations wrapped up in an egg shape). Being egg shaped, the middle rows had more notes than the beginning or end ones. So it was another constructed piece, but with so little to ground it that it just felt meanderingly long. Performers come and go, play their notes for a while (presumably repeating phrases ad libitum and the move on to the next row in the score), and then leave. It was intended to last 5 hours. The entry of individual performers were timed (again from Adam), but the overall structure just seemed to float from performer to performer. I stayed until he came on, but then ultimately left about halfway through.

I thought a lot about In C during Buddha. When I first saw In C it was live and the score was printed in the program notes, as well as an explanation of the pulse, though the pulse was in that instance only going to be played sometimes as a nostalgic call-back, since performers now don’t strictly need the pulse to keep on track. Somehow this presentation of the raw materials gave a sense of the transformation of materials that we were experiencing -- all this beauty and joy and life from just this couple pages of instruction. It made us think about what a composer is, and isn’t -- why with this much more free form structure does it still sound like Riley? Just like in theater at it’s best, sometimes seeing the raw materials that the the magic is made of only enhances the magical effect.

And this was what was sometimes missing from Buddha, which seemed very amorphous. The bar was getting more and more crowded as I left (we were encouraged to float freely from the bar to the auditorium, etc.). I’m not sure what effect I would have gained by staying. There is a fine line between hypnotic and monotonous, and it seemed to be crossing over that line.

All praise to the musicians of Wild Up and especially the dynamic conducting/leading by Richard Rountree.

#julius eastman

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ocean-anchored · 1 year

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Dear future self... March 6, 2023

I was really excited to write this weekend and then I woke up quite grumpy today. I was really tired, I feel like I haven’t been sleeping the best even though I slept in Sunday morning as we went to the later Church Service. Work today pissed me off. Rod is driving me nuts, payables is overbearing and after a frustrating day Dillion just topped it all off. The ignorance he has is so frustrating. He knew exactly what he was getting into when he signed the lease, we all agreed that regardless, we were all splitting the utilities 3 ways. It didn’t matter if I were to go on holiday for 2 or more weeks, or he be working for two weeks, or Cody be house sitting for two weeks. You pay or portion because everything is split. Now to come back and tell me that it’s not fair that he’s paying for March utilities when he’s the one that is breaking the lease, he’s the one who put us in a position of having to find someone ASAP which fine, yes someone’s taking over when he said he’d be out by but it’s not my problem that he’s not coming back this month to “use the utilities”. For fuck sakes we signed an agreement, everything split. If eh wanted to be out by Febraury 28th he should have just arranged that and had Bob move in March 1st so he was paying. But for him to literally throw a fit that it’s not right that he’s paying and then go on to say how he’s paying more rent... like are you fucking kidding me? Because you have the master and ensuite, no shit you pay more when you wanted it that way. Not to mention that I pay the pet fee and I clean up after his fucking dog, I look after his dog when he leaves her for over 24 hours at a time, I clean up after him, I always arrange for his damn room to be clean before he’s home, I clean his fucking bed sheets, I clean the mess he leaves every single time he’s here, all I do is fucking help this shit head. Pick him up from the airport when he didn’t get on his flight, help him with every thing he constantly begs for help on, fills out his fire arms renewal forms, pick up his mail like for fuck sake what the fuck do I get in return? I get nothing. I maybe get taken out for Sushi for all the shit that I do for him yet he does absolute fuck all for me in return ever, for anything. He’s the most self centered man. This last time around, Cody really explained things better on how he is and no one is ever impressed with him. All he does is look out for himself and fuck everyone else around him. No offence but no fucking wonder he has no friends, because all he does is take. & then he has the audacity to be an asshole and say cry me a river. Fuck that. Fuck that friendship it’s over. I was so angry when I got home today. I’ve cooled down now but seriously I want nothing to do with him. I don’t care, I’m done. I’m literally done helping that kid, he doesn’t deserve all the shit that I do for him. Anyways. Rant over. The rest of last week was good. I finally had a few down days where I just watched shows and stuck to myself. I needed that time. The last few weeks have been so insanely busy with back to back things that I felt like any downtime that I had, I just shut down and didn’t want to talk to anyone, just needed space. I feel a bit more refreshed now though. Recap of last week - Wednesday went to Jeremiah’s for a movie night with Steven, Amanda and Christian which was good. Thursday Jeremiah came over with Theo so he could check out the place and feel comfortable. Nova and him played so well, it was so nice to see how quick she took to him so that was really great. Went to a sushi place called Nupo with Sasha & her friend which was really nice. It was a fancy place, food was amazing. It was good company, I enjoy them and we had a good time. Probably not a regular hang out vibe I think but nice to get together every few weeks with her. Saturday morning I decided to go out to Cochran for a walk and then ended up going out to Canmore for a good part of the day. Nova’s leg has been sore lately and she’s been limping off and on so I didn’t want to push it but she acted like nothing was wrong so I scooted to Canmore because it was so nice out. Went over to Grassi Lakes for once, it was cool cause I stopped to take a photo & a girl was just sitting down staring out & I struck up convo with her. Ended up sitting and chatting with her for probably 15-20 minutes which was really nice and we swapped IG’s as she’s from Toronto but has a big love for the mountains. Saturday night Jeremiah invited me for beers at Marda Loop Brewing with some of his English friends which was also a good night. Had fun and good conversation, good laughs. Sunday went to the late church service, as always it was so good. Worship keeps getting me in the feels. Came home & Jeremiah dropped Theo off for a few hours, took them to the park and they had a lot of fun, they did really well. I know Nova get’s this pack mentality that she has to protect whatever dog she’s with but she also is so much more out going, she actually will go run and follow the dog she’s with and visit with other dogs so it’s nice to see. I do love her more than anything. Went over to Ambers sunday night for a games night. She’s got such a cute place with her BF and I finally got to meet Evee. I love those dogs, they’re so sweet. & love that girl. They made dinner and we played Settlers with her brother & his GF, it was really such a nice night. It was a great week really. I feel like I’ve been having so much more of those now this year and it’s nice. I mean, I got in my head the other night about Jeremiah. After Saturday night I got into thinking & wondering if he’s just inviting me out because he feels bad that I’m watching Theo for nothing & that’s his “return” is inviting me out. Idk. I want to think that’s my anxiety and my lack of confidence. Again I know none of these are dates, I really don’t think he thinks of me like that anyways but saturday night was really just me, him and this english girl & guy so I mean I know he doesn’t have to invite me to any of these things, let alone out side of hanging with Steven because that’s how we originally got to know each other but he has continued inviting me out so it’s nice. I know he has a lot of friends so really it’s just nice to meet new people and slowly build community. Anyways. I’m tired and I have to be up early as Theo’s coming over tomorrow again for the day so it’ll be a busy day. I continue to look forward to this month and next as friendships keep unfolding and as I continue to not turn down opportunity. It’ll be interesting to see where I am in 6 months from now. Glad I have this space for writing. It really does help me gather and let out my thoughts. I remember re-reading last years post and it really was full of emotion. I wrote some frustrated, angry messages about Richardt & men (mostly because their stupid duh) but some sad about missing my brother but had some good happy moments too. It’s nice to be able to write that all out and be able to later reflect on it. Will I feel like I overreacted by next week, a month, 6 months from now with this Dillon thing? Idk. I guess we’ll see, but as of right now that bridge is burned and in my eyes there’s not really any friendship left. Mostly because there wasn’t really much of a friendship before except a one sided giver & taker.

#personal #dear future self #weekly reflection #weekly update #dearfutureself

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365elephantsoap · 1 year

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THANKFUL FRIDAY

I hate public speaking of any kind. As soon as standing on a stage, singing or playing an instrument, stopped paying for college, I walked off the stage with a sigh of relief. I am surprised that I do not have these same feeling when I’m standing in front of a class of yoga students, but I stepped into my yoga teacher self with ease and comfort. I loved it, but I also really loved the break I gave myself from teaching after moving to Kansas City. I have been reluctant to step back into my yoga teacher self. That break gave me space to cultivate my own personal practice that was so much sweeter than the one I had before when I was teaching all the time. I did not want teaching to interfere with that and I’ve done well at keeping my set boundaries.

I’ve been teaching yoga classes at work for some time now. What started out as a last minute fill-in for another yoga teacher, turned into a regular schedule. The yoga classes I teach have morphed and changed based on requests and needs. I now teach a chair yoga class once a week. When I was first approached to change my Wednesday samatva yoga class to a chair yoga class, I said ‘yes’ immediately but was a little disappointed. I wasn’t really into the idea of teaching a chair class, but I asked for the class to remain a forty five minute class as opposed to cutting the length down to thirty minutes.

I love my chair yoga class. I didn’t think I would love teaching it as much as I do, but it is my favorite thing to teach now. My friend Melissa, who has a spinal cord injury and is wheelchair bound, comes to my class and she is a willing (Guinnea pig) participant. This class has become the most soothing class for me to teach, as well as the most challenging. I have always struggled with a forty five minute time frame for a yoga class because it never feels like I have enough time to do the poses I want to do and give my students a decent final relaxation. I do not have that problem in chair yoga. When my chair yoga students peel themselves up from a ten or fifteen minute savasana, I can feel their peace and calmness radiating from them.

This brings me joy.

I recently sat down with the director of our fitness facility, Amie, to talk about my classes and ideas for January. First, I can’t believe we are already planning for the next year. What the hell happened to this year?!? Anyway, here we are barreling right on into 2023 like a truck with no brakes. Class attendance for my Thursday evening class is pretty low to absolutely empty and I told Amie that it should probably be cut from the team. She agreed that the timing for that class just wasn’t working and then she proposed an idea of teaching a six week beginning yoga course starting on Monday evening in January. My feeling about this idea registered on my face before it really hit me in my heart because Amie said something about how my whole face lit up with excitement.

Y’all?!?! I LOVE teaching a beginning yoga series!

I think it’s because of my first yoga experience and how my practice was born from just muscling my way through class after class. Yoga teacher training was a V8 for my personal practice because I learned how to do those poses without muscling my way through it. Then I learned how to teach this to other people. This knowledge of how to teach people the safe way to get in out of yoga poses makes me want to buy the world a Coke, but instead of soda make it a yoga mat. My six week beginning yoga class is for every person who ever said to me “I can’t do yoga because I’m not flexible.” It is for every person who as ever walked into a class and felt overwhelmed because they had no idea what was going or what even the teacher was saying. I could go on and on, which makes me realize just how excited I am to teach yoga again.

That’s a feeling I haven’t felt in a long time.

#gratitude #yoga #teaching

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with-eyes-wide-open · 2 years

Text

Finally some closure, even though I already gave that to myself

(28 September 2022)

youtube

Knowing that it was going to happen at some point...

Wait... Hold that thought...

Never mind... Knowing that it was going to happen at some point, it finally did today. Glad it happened where it had to be time-limited, with a reason to say hello and, quickly, a reason to say goodbye.

When I realised who it was, I was really unaffected. It didn’t really matter to me, just another customer. Leave your shit at the door.

The more I thought about it, the more on edge I felt. The next tray of drinks had a ticket with his table number on. He recognised me straight away. It really could have gone so much worse. Glad it was short and sweet. Felt like I stayed in control which I’m happy about.

Would I have rejected him eventually, had things continued? Probably. Possibly. Who knows?

There’s something about being rejected that makes you feel so horrible. Let’s say you already know you’ll reject the other person, receiving rejection feels so sharp that the pain doesn’t feel proportionate to the weapon.

Felt the higher state of being leave me today, especially with this episode. Last night, I felt like I was visited by divine energy. The creativity flowing through me yesterday was amazing. My truest self. I cried in bed last night, I was so happy. That rush across your whole body. Music of my childhood playing.

Now, as I sit to write, and create this space for myself again, I can feel it coming back. It feels so good. The power of self-assuredness, self-confidence, the validation you can give yourself.

Was complimented a few times at work today by customers. I was told I looked Italian, then, when I said wasn’t, was told determinedly that I must be Spanish. Shock when I spoke languages other than my native English. Another customer, a young girl, early twenties, asked me if I’d ever been told how nice my smile was.

Was offered an acting job today. Sounded the solutions to possible logistical problems with Mum. Explained the situation to the relevant parties, asked the questions to the relevant parties. I’ve accepted the job via the agency.

Taught an hour of Spanish on Skype. Had some banana on toast. Listening to music that will help me transcend. Feeling good. Need to keep going and trusting that things will work out.

No longer feeling shame. Doubting less and less what it is I want to do. Know that I need to keep going. Doing before thinking. When I think, things get worse. Just need to do. Like write, or paint, or make. Writing whilst thinking helps because I have to keep going and moving on. It’s like walking. The only thing about walking is that I don't feel anchored to the moment. I can easily drift off into the abyss of dread. Writing is like a piece of string I can hold onto in the dark, at the very bottom of the ocean, and find my way back to the shore. By writing I mean the unfiltered stream of thoughts you’re reading. Being on my phone makes me feel like I’m just tied to the mast of an abandoned ship, [can’t find the word I’m looking for but it’s like when something or someone’s given itself over to its environment or people around them, like surrender, apathy, like being completely impressionable and not caring otherwise].

Going to make some tea shortly. Then I want to draw. Maybe I’ll draw now so I don’t lose this flow. I also want to read tonight.

I’m so excited for tomorrow. To get back to some art making. No pressure. Just working out problems and then executing them. It’s really not that deep. Just feels that way because I haven't done it for so many years. And the stakes feel higher this time. I just need to get out of my own way. It’s almost like it’s more effort to be in my own way.

Later: Just chose the video I think goes well with this entry. What the fuck@! Why is the universe so fucking interconnected. There’s Sonique, working a café job. There's me, working a café job. Imagination takes off. Giving everything. Having fun. Dreaming. Flash back to the café. Reality. It’s like Don Fucking Quixote. [Not that meme where Lana del Rey’s song ‘Norman Fucking Rockwell’ is placed next to two gay p*rnstars.] Living in delusion. The reality you want coming out to play. People seeing this reality and believing it just as much as, if not more than, you. Wow.

Also realise I haven’t told you about the weekend...

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bucksfucks · 3 years

Text

𝙙𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙢𝙨 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙢𝙪𝙧𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙚𝙙 𝙢𝙚

TFATWS EPISODE THREE SPOILERS.

summary┃the plan was simple. get in, get out, and always remember rule number three; no one gets hurt.

pairing┃tws!bucky x f!reader

word count┃1,935 words

warnings┃dubcon elements, soft!dark!tws, semi-public sex, choking, spitting kink, metal arm kink, soldat kink, death threat, degradation, mocking, orgasm denial, multiple orgasms, unprotected sex — 18+ ONLY//MINORS DNI

notes┃PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH ANY MENTIONED ELEMENTS.

“Is the plan understood?” It’s Zemo who asks the question, nodding to each of you as you all exchange looks before heading your separate ways.

When you enter the scene, you can feel the floor shaking under your feet from the bass. Drinks are passed around with bodies floating through the space.

“And I thought we knew how to party in New York.” Your voice is muffled over the music, but you know Bucky can hear you.

“I haven’t partied like this ever.” He has to yell back in order for you to hear him as you both laugh.

You have to push your way through the crowd before stopping at where Sam and Zemo are left waiting for you.

Zemo nods towards Bucky, Bucky taking in a deep breath before giving him one nod.

He’s wearing something you’d never seen him in; Winter Soldier gear sans the mask.

“Longing.” You can see the twitch in Bucky’s metal fingers.

“Rusted.” It gets worse as he tenses his jaw.

“Furnace.” You have to look away when you see the pained look in his face.

Sam looks at you, a look that tells you to stick to the plan so you drift back and mix into the crowd.

You were nothing but a distraction, a distraction that would hopefully buy you guys some time.

But something went wrong.

Something always goes wrong.

You can see the obvious and evident switch in Bucky—there’s something more sinister in his eyes now as he watches you move from side to side; standing completely motionless and trained on you.

There’s a moment of realization when you realize just what’s happened.

A moment of oh fuck before he’s striding over to you and grasping at your upper arms.

“Come with me, Bunny. We have some unfinished business.” His voice is low and calm, parts of Bucky shining through, but you can’t seem to find him in his eyes.

“Bucky,” you try remain calm, but his hip is firm and you know that this is a battle you won’t win in.

You can’t help it when your voice falters in fear, but you can’t afford to bring any attention to yourself.

Sam is elsewhere, Zemo in tow as your eyes dart to find them—at the bar, drinking.

You were all alone, you had no backup; Bucky was your backup.

He was no longer Bucky, but the Winter Soldier.

“I said come. Don’t make me put you over my shoulder.” He threatened as you swallowed thickly.

You quickly search for Sam or Zemo, but they’re long gone. The distraction worked and they’d be proceeding with the plan.

What they didn’t know is that Bucky wasn’t Bucky.

It didn’t feel like a threat, you felt your pussy jump in excitement at the prospect of Bucky’s hands on your body.

Your feet moved instinctually through the crowd, lead by Bucky as he took one final scan of the room to make sure that you were alone; that no one was following you.

You didn’t feel helpless, it was more than you felt like you were under a spell—inclined to do whatever Bucky wanted.

Suddenly you were slammed up against a wall, the air being knocked out of your lungs as you let out a pained hiss.

“Scream, and I’ll kill you.” He looked feral.

“Try to fight back, and I’ll kill you.” Darkness consumed his eyes.

“Do anything other than what I tell you, and I’ll kill you.”

You want to scream, to kick and fight back—you know that you damn well could put up on hell of a fight.

But you don’t.

Instead, you submit and comply.

“Yes,” you whisper, watching the smirk spread across his face.

“There’s my good girl. A dumb and stupid, but a good girl.” He purrs, running his gloved finger down your cheek until it’s hooked under your chin.

You whimper, lip shaking with your sharp inhale.

“Bucky,” you croak before your face is tightly gripped between his fingers as he snarls and shows you his teeth.

“You will call me, Soldat.” He rasped, dark and sinister with no mercy in sight.

A silent mewl escaped through your parted lips as you shut your eyes tightly, trying to steady your breathing as your heart begged to be set free.

“What’s my name?” He asks you, a test of your loyalty as you pry your eyes open.

“Soldat,” you whisper back, a pleased smile on his face as he hears the syllables leave your lips.

“Good, maybe you aren’t as useless as I thought.” He snickers, dropping your face but trapping you against the wall with his flesh forearm against your neck.

Your airway is constricted for a second, laboured and painful before Bucky is pulling you off of the wall.

“Follow me,” he barks, tugging you by the back of the neck until you budge.

His strides are long as you’re forced to keep up with him, walking through hallways so robotically with a stiff body.

You don’t know where you’re going, but the booming music is getting softer.....quieter, straying further and further out of your reach.

Bucky’s shoulders look huge, absolutely massive in the tight leather outfit he’s wearing. You know he’s in there somewhere, you just don’t know how to reach him.

But maybe you don’t want to.

Suddenly, you’re pushed against a wall, with his metal hand covering your mouth as your eyes go wide and you try to gasp.

“Don’t scream, Bunny.” He purrs, smirking as you hear two sets of footsteps go past you, completely unaware that there’s someone else in their presence.

Your heart is in your throat when he removes his hand, tugging you off the wall again so he’s holding your entire body weight up with his arm.

“Good girl, you learn quickly.” He praises, finger hooked up your chin. His lips hover right over yours, brushing them slightly—just enough to leave you wanting more.

There’s a flutter in your stomach, a feeling akin to when you’ve gone over a large hill or descended on a roller coaster; exciting and terrifying all at once.

“I’ve always been so,” he trails his finger down your jaw, “intrigued by you.”

You don’t know what it means, but you want to.

You’re shoved into a small room, a closet that barely fits the two of you. It’s dark and smells like aged wood.

His thigh is wedged between your legs, “always following orders.” He hums against your ear, nipping the skin below it.

“A Soldat’s dream,” it’s dark, the way he refers to himself.

“You’re gonna let me do whatever I want to you, Bunny.”

It’s not a question, you don’t have a choice, you’ve unwittingly sealed your fate as he meshes his lips against yours.

It’s overwhelming; his thick, padded thigh creating delicious friction against your cunt. Or the way his teeth sink into your bottom lip, tugging it to hear your soft whimpers.

You feel the wet, hot tell-tale signs of tears roll down your cheeks as Bucky pulls away to cradle your face.

It’s dark but your eyes are fully adjusted. It’s just too bad that you can see nothing else but darkness in his eyes.

“There’s no need to cry, Bunny,” he cooes, “I will take care of you.”

You’re unsure why you trust him, why you feel your body giving into him, but that’s what happens next.

A sinister chuckle passes through his lips as he tugs your pants down.

“I can smell you already,” he hisses, his cock hardening against your hip.

“You can try to fight me, Bunny. But your body tells me that you want this, that you need my cock filling you up.”

Your pussy jumps at his words, breathing ragged and heavy as the ache in your core burns right through you.

Your mouth falls open when you hear the whirring of his bionic fingers massage you slowly through your panties.

“I never said I wouldn’t make this enjoyable for you,” he smirks, watching you closely as your hands go to the vest he’s wearing.

He snarls, grabbing them at your wrists and lifting them over your head as you shudder at his strength.

If he wanted to kill you, he would’ve already.

“Maybe you are stupid,” he hisses. “Did I give you permission to touch?” He asks.

He nudges your clit with more force making you squeak.

He wanted an answer.

“N-no, Soldat.” You croak, feeling an sensation of...fulfillment when he smiles.

“Good little Bunny.” He sing-songs, “so wet and responsive.”

You gasp, mewl, arch your back as he slips two vibranium fingers into you. A shiver runs down your spine at the coolness of them, your walls welcoming them warmly.

“Can you hear that?” He asks, “hear how fuckin’ wet you are?”

You can, you can hear your wetness coating his fingers as he pumps them inside of you.

It’s absolutely filthy.

His other hand drops your wrists to your sides, flesh fingers crawling around your neck.

“Look at me, Bunny.” You don’t need to be told twice as your eyes shoot open.

“Open that pretty little mouth of you,” his voice is low and raspy, but collected despite his aching cock pressed against your hip.

His thumb presses into your bottom lip, folding it down to encourage you to open your mouth. Which you do, because he’s just too damn compelling.

You gasp back a moan, thick digits inside of your cunt now brushing that sweet, sweet, sweet spot as you watch Bucky’s saliva trail into your own mouth.

“Mine.” He growls, forcing your mouth closed, watching you swallow.

Your heartbeat reverberates in your ears, blood soaring to and from your heart as you feel yourself clenching around him.

“All. Fucking. Mine.” His words send you toppling over the edge, legs shaking and convulsing gently as he has to hold you up as you come.

There’s a zip, a tug of something, a gasp for breath as you feel his cock at your entrance.

“There’s no running now, Bunny. I’m gonna consume you,” he snarls, pushing himself past the threshold as he groans at the feeling of your wetness.

You’re forced to dig your fingernails into the leather of his jacket—clawing at it as you relish in the stretch.

He grunts with every powerful thrust, his chest colliding with your chest as he holds you up with ease.

He’s using you. Eyebrows taut as he focuses on one thing and one thing only; his carnal instincts.

“Shut up,” he seethes, shoving his fingers into your mouth.

They’re cool, tasting like your own arousal and something you can’t quite decipher.

“Say my name, say it.” He pants into your ear, something in his voice breaking.

“S-Soldat.” You choke out, trying to focus on the words that are coming out of your mouth.

“My name,” he whispers, “say, my name.”

Your heart hiccups as you open your eyes, “Bucky.”

He’s there, he’s looking at you—holding you tightly as you can see the same light in his eyes that you did just an hour ago.

“Bucky.” You say with more conviction, more confidently as you crash your lips on his.

“Your name is Bucky.” You whisper against his lips, feeling pleasure seeping in through your toes and spreading upwards.

The air is thick and hot, sticky and wet as you both catch your breaths.

You don’t trust your own legs to hold you weight, but when they hit the solid marble floor, you don’t have a choice.

“My name is Bucky,” he whispers, holding your face in one hand.

“But you are still my Bunny.”

#bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes x reader smut #bucky barnes x reader #bucksfucks writes — [♡] ;#dark!bucky smut #dark!bucky x reader #dark!bucky #bucky barnes headcanons #bucky barnes headcanon #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes fic #tw dubious consent #tw dubcon

3K notes · View notes

spideyyboii · 3 years

Text

Being Tony Stark’s Daughter

warnings: none

||main masterlist||tony stark masterlist||

Being the daughter of Tony Stark wasn’t always easy especially when the media was constantly on his case trying to make a story out of anything. He always tried to be the best father he could possibly be for you.

When Pepper and him began dating his main priority was how you’d cope with the change and the fact you would have to share him with another woman, “Hey sweetheart, so Pepper and I have some news we’ve decided to pursue a relationship and I just wanted to see how you felt about this as it’s been just us for such a long time.” The man asked with a nervous smile, “Dad I’ve known about you two for months. You're not very good at hiding stuff, but I’m very happy for the two of you and you know how I feel about Pepper. She's always been there for me without trying to take mum's place.” You told him with a smile.Happy that your father was finally moving on with his life.

Once the two of you had moved past his revelation about him and Pepper he began to prepare you for his next venture which was the Avengers initiative, “So we’re going to have a bunch of strangers moving in that have powers?” You questioned “Not all of them have powers, some are just well trained individuals,but yes we are going to be living with a bunch of strangers. Is that okay with you?” He asked with a chuckle as he knew you wouldn’t care. “It’s fine just a tiny bit strange that I’m going to have to share my space with a bunch of strangers but if it’s beneficial to you and Pepper is okay with it then I’m happy to do it.” You told him with a smile

Once the Avengers moved into the tower your dad was quick to make it known to everyone that you must be left alone. “So team my child is to be left alone, nobody annoys them, nobody goes into their bedroom unattended. Understand you must leave them alone unless they interact with you.” His overprotectiveness coming into play

When life was simple and Tony didn’t have much on he would always have plans for the two of you, in order to keep your bond strong. “Are you excited to finally get away and have some family time?” Your dad asked as he pulled you in for a hug. “Very excited for us to have some time together feels like recently I’ve been sharing you with everyone.” You said with a pout as you remembered just how little time you’ve spent with your father recently

Once the two of you arrived at the cabin you couldn’t have been more excited about the time you had with your father. He made your favourite drink for the cold weather and added marshmallows, “So sweetheart I feel like we haven’t had time to catch up in a while, anything new going on? How’s school been? Are you still my little genius?” Tony asked with a smile as he knew you hated being called his little genius, “Schools good , my grades are still superb and I got asked out on a date.” You told him hoping he wouldn’t overact.

“A date! Who thinks it’s acceptable to ask MY child on a date have I not made it extremely clear in your 18 years of life that nobody is allowed to ever be with you and that nobody in the world will be good enough for you.” Tony ranted which caused you to let out a giggle. “It’s just some guy, I think you might really like him, he’s got these abilities kinda like a spider.” You said knowing your father would change his tone when he found out your date was with Peter Parker, his prodigy.

“Oh it’s Peter, well that’s slightly different but I will still be having words with the lad and reminding him that I have eyes everywhere.”

The next day the both of you were both ready for a day in town both excited to see what had changed since you had last visited your mothers hometown, “Look sweetheart, it’s your mothers old house before I moved her to New York.” Your father pointed the house out to you and it made your heart swell as it represented your mothers personality with it’s pink walls. “Dad, I miss her.” You told him with tears in your eyes, “I miss her everyday as well sweetheart but she gave me the greatest gift ever and that is you. Remember no matter what you’ll always have me.” He told you

“I love you kiddo, You and I against the world.” Tony continued before pulling you in for a hug. “Forever, us against the world dad.” You replied with a smile, happy that even in the craziness that is Tony Stark’s life he still made time for you and prioritized you over his work.

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father-time-and-baby-new-year · 3 years

Text

alphabet boy II

SYNOPSIS: college AU. Armin, your brilliant tutor, invites you over to his house for some studying. Naturally, you're nervous and he seems to be giving you a reason to be.

PAIRING: SCUMBAG!Tutor Armin x FEM!Reader

WARNINGS: half edited, noncon/dubcon, fingering, non-penetrative sexual content. gaslighting, manipulating,

A/N: really need the motivation to write again and I've been slacking on my multi-parters so here's a somewhat highly anticipated one. Armin fuckers, this is for you. non-Armin fuckers, I hope this converts you

WORD COUNT: 2.0k

II. I.

“You’re not paying attention.”

You feel his voice right by the shell of your ear, and the proximity nearly makes you reel back in surprise but you manage to catch yourself.

“S-sorry” You apologize, wishing you didn’t stutter.

The thing is you’re just really out of your element. This is the first time you’ve been to Armin’s house for personal tutoring, and it was hard to focus on the material when his presence was so distracting.

It wasn’t like you were fantasizing about him or anything [well…]-you always tried to banish those thoughts as soon as it came. But still, being alone with an attractive boy with a disarming charm was causing some jitters. You felt like a shy middle schooler, on edge and jittery.

The last tutoring session in the library when he [basically] called you stupid plagued your mind. The memory of him feeling up your thighs lived in your head rent-free.

“Let’s take a break.” He sighs. Your heart drops at the noise of disappointment but you suppose it’s what you deserve.

You push your laptop lightly aside on the table, the bleak light straining your eyes, and ask for the bathroom. You just wanted to freshen up and be alone for a few seconds. The bathroom is meticulously clean, something even you knew was unexpected for a boy. You looked at yourself through the spotless mirror, scrutinizing every flaw.

You sigh, fiddling with your dress collar. Why you had tried dressing pretty for a boy so out of your league, he may as well be in Mars--you didn’t know.

When you return, there is a tall glass of lemonade waiting for you.

“Thought you might be thirsty.”

It’s a simple gesture that makes you blush so you thank him earnestly. Like the gentleman he is, he assures you it’s no problem. Not wanting to prolong the awkward silence, you compliment his apartment, “This is a really nice place. So much light and space.”

You’re babbling but he engages you regardless, and you two are mindlessly discussing the benefits of living at off-campus housing over dorming. His words are pleasant but there’s a sinking feeling within you as you notice he’s bored. Or maybe distracted was a better word.

“So, do you have a boyfriend? Or anyone you’re seeing?”

You nearly choke at the question uttered through a buttery voice.

“Oh um, not really.”

“Not really?”

You made a mental note to answer in definitives. Armin seemed the type to snuff out anything he reasoned as half-truths.

“No. I uh, don’t have a boyfriend.” And then you clarified a pin-drop later, “And I’m not seeing anyone either.”

The blond hums a playful tune that’s vaguely nostalgic.

“Have you ever had a boyfriend?”

You don’t understand the point of this line of incessant questioning, and can’t calm your heart rate.

“I-um, I don’t-“

Taking one look at your serious face, eyes rimmed with worry and cheeks pink, he laughs. It’s a startling sound like bell chimes.

“Relax. I just wanted to know if you had any experience.”

The sentence flies out of your mouth before you can even ponder it: “What do you mean by experience?”

It’s not his fault if he can’t hide the feral grin that crosses his mouth right at that moment. You can’t discern his expression as you’re staring at anywhere but him, so you don’t notice the uncontained excitement that glimmers in cerulean eyes.

“Let’s move to the couch. You’ll be more comfortable there.”

You think about saying that you’re fine wherever you are and didn’t really feel like changing positions, but he’s already striding towards the couch. So you start packing up the materials, before a clear voice calls out to you, “It’s okay. You don’t have to bring all that. Just bring your flashcards.”

You hoped that wouldn’t mean he’d quiz you, but that’s exactly what he meant to do.

“Law of diminishing returns.”

“Wait! I know that one!” You brightly exclaimed, “ Uhh..it gives way to the catch-up effect which means poor countries tend to grow more rapidly and they’ll one day essentially catch up with wealthier economies.”

The blond ran his hand through his hair before sighing. You could feel your heart drop. You were sure you were right. Was your answer wrong enough to cause exasperation?

“Stick with the formal definition next time. I didn’t ask for the theory based on the law.”

You pouted, and Armin couldn’t help but relish in how eagerly you sought his approval, like a puppy performing tricks to appease their master.

“You should sit closer. Can you even see the word?”

You moved closer to him, knees knocking into each other. He looks down at the completed set.

“Well, you didn’t do as bad as I expected.” Ouch. But maybe he meant it as a compliment?

“But,” the corners of his mouth curled, “I’d say you’re still struggling.” Never mind.

“T-this is a new chapter though. I don’t think we’ve even gone over it in class.”

Blue eyes narrow, and you wonder if he’s going to give the well-meaning spiel about how staying ahead was the only way to keep up. That mantra may work for someone with high ambitions and an extremely good work ethic but you were no well-oiled machine. You had other classes too!

“Why are you so defensive?”

Your eyes widen in surprise at the question, spoken so softly and casually, you almost miss the disdained lilt.

“Oh uh-“

“Listen to me. I quizzed you so I’m able to assert your skill level. And your response to my assertion is that it’s something you haven’t gone over in class yet. Do those things relate to each other at all?”

Meekly, you shift your attention to the rug.

“Answer me.”

“N-no”, you squeaked.

“And what have I always told you? The only way to keep up is to-“

“Stay ahead.” You finished, “I’m sorry, I just-“

“Did I say you could interrupt me?”

You could feel the blood rushing to your ears, unsure when the atmosphere had shifted. Your heartbeat was beating rapidly and you could feel your body go warm.

He sighed, and placed a hand over over your folded ones, squeezing your palms.

“You know I’m just looking out for you right? It almost feels like you don’t care-“

“No!” You exclaim, “I-I do.” Heat pools into your cheeks once you realize your grave mistake, “I-I’m sorry for interrupting you.”

The blond smiles radiantly and it nearly melts away all of your worries…until he opens his mouth to deliver another damning remark.

“You know, with your looks…you don’t really even have to graduate. Maybe choose an easy major and then get some rich husband to take care of you.” There’s a distinct lack of humor in his tone as if he wholeheartedly believed every word he was saying.

Your eyebrows furrow in blatant confusion, and in the back of your mind, danger signs are flashing at the back of your head. Your thighs are growing warmer. Oh no, this could not be happening right now.

“That’s what most girls’ dreams are anyways.” He inspects his spotless nails, “You chose this class because Ackerman’s attractive right? That’s why his class has such a high drop rate…silly girls join, not understanding how harsh of a grader he is.”

You open your mouth to defend yourself but the next inflammatory remark he spews almost sends you to shock, “Though I bet, if you got on your knees for him, you’d be getting an A on those finals.” He laughs as if he was saying something particularly amusing, an undercurrent of spite coloring his words, “You wouldn’t even need me as your tutor.”

There are a million things on the tip of your tongue but no voice to speak them out. You want to ask him why he’s been so weirdly invasive, what his weird hang-up with professor Ackerman was, and of course, the casual sexism was really throwing you in a loop. Still, you have no doubt Armin could beat you to a bloody pulp several times over in a verbal lashing, and your mind was too fragile to deal with this.

You’ll sign up for a new tutor or better yet no tutor. You’ll get over your social anxiety and join a study group. You’ll go to all of Professor Ackerman’s office hours. Anything had to be better than this. You’re giving yourself this pep talk in your head but there’s no denying that your legs feel warm, and the self-improvement speech is withering away in your mind as it seeks to instead process how Armin fucking Arltert is touching you right now.

He pins you against the cushions, one hand locking both of your wrists. You’re shaking but your pupils are blown out wide.

He smirks, “There’s an excellent stress reliever for studying you know.”

You limp in his hold but the cocky attitude behind his words brings you back. You thrash under him, earning an annoyed growl from the blond.

“I’ve been so fucking patient with you, you know? Planning out your study guides, sharing my notes with you, proofreading homework, going over the mock exams—don’t you think I deserve a little compensation?”

“I-I’m sorry.”

He's right. He's right. Armin actually has done so much for you. Maybe it was too easy to take for granted because of how efficient he was, and how he acted like it was nothing. But right now, nothing really was everything.

He smiles. Yeah, this is who you were. Add just a little bit of pressure and you crumble. That flash of bravery from before was nothing but a petulant outburst from a child who didn’t know any better.

Armin coos, “Isn’t it a little embarrassing to be a virgin at your age?”

With unbridled precision, while he’s still holding your lower body down with the weight of his legs, he unbuckles his belt and ties it around your strained wrists. Red fills your face, and like always, you’re struggling to find the right words to respond. To say anything at all. Most of all, you can feel a wetness building at your core.

“I know the way you look at me, you know.” He kisses the dip of your neck, slender fingers splayed from under your shirt, “I know you’re into this.”

And because he is a scientist who must have evidence to back up his hypothesis, his hands find themselves under the waistband of your floral skirt that you foolishly wore, pushing the cure pastel underwear aside. You’re writhing in his grasp but maybe not as much as you should be, but it’s not your fault your movements are sluggish right?

“You have such a funny habit of not deleting your windows and keeping your bookmarks open.”

You freeze.

“This entire time I thought you were some prudish virgin even though you dress like a whore. Someone with who I had to be gentle. But all that fucking porn you read? Nasty. Is that why you need help in this class?” He punctuates slowly, "Because you're wasting your brain for something else?"

Immediately, you remember how you left your laptop on the table. You remember how many times he used your computer to double-check the notes, and you trustingly let him, forgetting that despite deleting your tabs, the hidden windows of steamy erotica were not yet erased out of their existence. Embarrassment violently paints your body.

He doesn’t wait or care for your response as he starts a vigorous assault on your clit with his slender finger, rubbing up and down in a vicious manner. The second finger prods at your entrance, feeling a tight cavern despite the amount of slick collected. Your eyes roll back in pleasure-is this what being with someone is like?

Stop. Get a hold of yourself. Why are you so fucking horny right now? It doesn’t matter what Armin said about you or how he called you out for the fiction you’ve read, because this is real life. But Christ, it’s Armin, the boy you’ve had a crush on since the moment he explained to you what a marginal abasement curve was. Stupidly handsome Armin with a gentle voice and too-blue oceanic eyes. Stupidly handsome Armin who coerced you into being under him.

You’re so fucking warm and tight, and Armin can’t wait to sink himself inside of you, can’t wait to humiliate you further. With nimble fingers he untied the ribbons of your dress like you were a Christmas present, groping your soft mounds and marking up your collarbone with teeth and tongue. Crystalline tears roll down the side of your face. You really shouldn’t be crying when you’re this wet.

“So fucking funny how you can’t look at me in the eye when we have a conversation but you read the filthiest fucking smut I’ve ever seen.”

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