#I went through all the stages of grief for this man and yet he's still my favorite 😭

[brucewaynehater101]

I hc Damian sees dick as more of a father then Bruce, my reasoning is that when Bruce was dead, dick was there for him and Damian already mourned that father and accepted dick as his dad.

and since in my brain Bruce causes most of the issues between the brothers, in a au where Bruce wasn’t rescued all the bats are happy and friendly to each other, dick is the older brother who’s basically their dad, Jason who’s very caring yet also insists he’s not (he has anger issues as well), Tim who can’t seem to fully grasp how much everyone cares for him but it’s getting better, and Damian who actually acts his age and not like a 20 year old man with murder problems (he still has murder issues but dicks made him realize that’s wrong)

There was probably quite a bit of an adjustment period in the beginning. When siblings are faced with a change in dynamics so that they need to rely upon each other instead of being pitted against one another, there tend to be big blowups and fights until they get the hang of things.

In this AU, it would be a bit hard to wrangle all the batkids into getting along. Does Tim never find that portrait that starts his search? Did Bruce actually die? Does Alfred find the portrait first and burn it so his family can finally be free (very ooc, but a cool concept)?

Tim finding out Bruce is alive is like a match near gasoline for him. He destroys all of his current relationships (justified or not) to save his dad.

There's also the grief aspect. The Battle of the Cowl could be seen as just the kids trying to find footing with the changes and the grief of loosing their dad.

It doesn't matter how much of a bastard Bruce is in this AU, the kids will still grieve his loss. If he was just unredeemable, they wouldn't have hung on so much. It doesn't matter how much Bruce hits them, verbally abuses them, manipulates, or abandons them when he turns around and acts like a good dad. He has good moments. That's the confusing and complicated aspect of it.

Bruce is the type of man to remember a fact his kids mentioned once off-handedly and distracted. He'd remember when they mentioned a childhood toy they loved but could never find again. He would spend months tracking down that company and hiring them to make they toy again if they didn't have any on hand. There's so much time, effort, and money he would put into such a notion, and he wouldn't make a big deal about it. The kid would probably just find it in their room one day and know it was Bruce.

Then he would turn around and try to convince the kid that all of their friends are out to get them and they can't trust anyone.

This AU would be hard to manage because only Dick is at the stage where he would be willing to give up on his dad. With the fallout of Robin, Dick moved on from unconditional love and belief in Bruce. He went to anger and hurt. He slowly healed those pains, but they were changed. Dick couldn't go back to how they were, but ultimately still loved his dad. Jason's death shattered their relationship. Even after Tim interfered, Dick would never be able to forgive Bruce for that. In the comics, he confronted Bruce about not being told about Jason's death. Bruce's response? He screamed at Dick, hit him, told him he shoulf have never had a partner, told Dick that he would've fired Jason in a few years like he did Dick, and then told Dick to hand his keys to the Manor to Alfred on his way out.

Bruce and Dick can go to therapy for years to work on their relationship, but Dick will never trust Bruce with his siblings again. He can trust the man on a battlefield, but he can't trust him at home.

Dick's love to Bruce, I hc, would turn to apathy, longing, and bitterness intermingled with spurts of reluctant fondness.

Jason, on the other hand, is pissed at Bruce, but he has too much passion to just let him go. It's a transition stage from love to anger to indifference. Through his reactions and actions during the Battle of the Cowl, it's obvious he still cares about Bruce somewhat. The opposite of love isn't hate. It's indifference. If he didn't somewhat care about Bruce, his death wouldn't impact him so much. I personally feel that the incident with Penguin and Gotham Wars is where Jason starts to become indifferent instead. To hate Bruce is to want to change him. It's to want him to be better because you know he can be. To be indifferent to him (outside of horrible actions the man commits) is to know he won't change. It's to give up on him.

Jason still remembers getting ice cream on patrol, sharing popcorn on the couch, reassuring promises of protection, and the laughter he could startle out of his dad. His anger and aggression against Bruce is because he believes that his dad could kill the Joker. He had believed that Bruce would have. Regardless on whether it was the right thing to do or whether a younger version would have wanted that, Jason had faith in Bruce. He ultimately considers his father to be a good guy. Perhaps someone that hurts Jason, but still a good guy.

Dick doesn't regard his father as such. He knows better.

The other kids are still at the love stage, where they rely on Batman and Bruce to be decent and a hero.

Tim may have complicated feelings about Bruce being his dad (how credible that is especially given their history), but he trusts Bruce to make the right decisions. That gospel has been shaken a few times, but it still holds.

Damian is still a child. Capable, kind, fierce, and strong, but still a child.

Cass was given the mission of the Bat by Bruce. He has shown her love and kindness others have not. She can see what he feels and intends to do even as he hurts others. He does not kill.

Barbara has Dick's back before she has Bruce's. Barbara is independent. She does not have the confidence in Bruce that the others do.

I hope Duke is enjoying his time with his parents free from bat drama.

Anyways, I do think the Bats would be better off if Tim hadn't found proof of Bruce's continued existence (it is not his fault that Bruce returned to do horrible shit. He is not to blame). Without it, there might not have been as big of a fallout between Tim and everyone else. There would have been lots of drama and fights between the remaining Bats, but they would eventually settle into a healthier unit.

If anyone wants more about any of this, feel free to send me another ask with what parts you'd like elaborated.

#dc comics #dc universe #dick grayson #jason todd #tim drake #damian wayne #bruce wayne #batfam #thank you for the ask!!!!

[viioledea]

#cael anselm #ye xuan #for all time emerald #lovebrush chronicles #artists on tumblr #fanart #my art #I went through all the stages of grief for this man and yet he's still my favorite 😭 #Anyway for now I'll probably mostly draw in this art style #'cause the whole drawing process is more fun to me than drawing in the style of my previous art #But hopefully I'll come back to the previous style eventually 'cause I still really like how I did the lineart there #It's just that it takes too long to lineart in that style 'cause I'm kinda specific with my line weight #and when I tried doing lineart like that again I just felt drained #but in this style doing lineart is fun somehow #…until I decide to be specific with my line weight in this style too or something dunno 😅

[hxney-lemcn]

Closure — Farmworld! Finn Mertens x gn! reader

summary: reader has trouble figuring what universe they want to stay in. Prismo gives them some leniency and lets them visit Ooo. Finally, reader gets some closure and makes their decision.

tw: reader gets close to a break down, bittersweet

a/n: If I were reader, I'd simply die because I wouldn't be able to choose, but for the sake of the plot, they do.

wc: 1.2k

Chapter Five [A]

Master List | Chapter One

“Heeeeeey,” Prismo drew out, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. “Sorry about leaving you there for so long.”

I blinked, unsure how to feel. On one hand, I did want to leave my previous scenario…but leaving forever? And without saying goodbye, or letting them know that I was safe? I bit my lip glancing to the side only to see the tv wall still on. My eyes widened as it showed Finn trekking through the forest, a worried glare set on his face as he followed the lantern light in the same direction I took off. 

Prismo followed my view, “Oh, sorry. Don’t mean to distract you.” Then he turned the tv off, turning the wall back yellow.

I blinked, turning to face the pink wishmaster, “I have to go back.”

This time Prismo blinked at me, “You don’t wanna go back to your old world?”

I hesitated, and Prismo seemed to notice. He turned the tv back on, revealing the Finn from my world. Turning the volume up, it revealed Finn on the phone with Marcy.

“You haven’t found them yet?” He asked in a worried tone, desperation filled his expression. 

“No,” Marcy was heard from the phone. “I’m sorry man. But I’m sure they're fine, maybe they went on a trip?”

“Without telling me?” Finn asked, slightly hurt. “They’d never do that.”

Suddenly, the situation got 10x worse. I felt torn. How do I have two different Finn’s searching for me? I frowned looking towards Prismo. I suddenly felt like crying. No matter which world I choose, I’d be leaving people behind. I started pacing, thinking of all the pros and cons. My frown started to wobble, as no matter what I did, it would be the wrong choice. The thought of Finn endlessly searching for me throughout Ooo, once again being left behind by someone he cared about. Or Finn going back to his family, having to explain the person they’ve grown so used to had run off, and only glob knows what happened to them. 

“Whoah, whoah,” Prismo spoke up, turning the tv off once more. “Hey, since I kinda caused this whole mess…sorry ‘bout that…I can be a bit more lenient.” I looked up at the pink deity, unsure of what he meant. “How about you go back to Ooo, talk with Finn, and then make your decision. I’ll put a sticky note in your front pocket to send you back. If you’re still unsure, I can send you to the magicless world and you can talk to that Finn. How does that sound?”

I felt myself calm, nodding my head, “That sounds really nice, thank you so much Prismo. This means a lot.”

“No probs,” He shrugged with a sly smile. Suddenly, I was transported back to Ooo, standing in the Candy Tavern. 

The first thing I saw was Finn hunched over the tavern counter, not having noticed me just appear out of thin air. Dirt Beer Guy coughed, gaining Finn’s attention before pointing towards me. Finn seemed to go through the five stages of grief in the span of a few seconds before rushing to hug me.

He let out a happy shout of my name, “Where have you been?!”

I let out an awkward chuckle, hugging him back. He was nearly killing me with how hard he was hugging me…but I honestly deserved it. 

“It’s a long story,” I mumbled. I can’t believe I was being so selfish. Staying in the magicless world without even telling Finn and the others where I would be staying? I’ve been downplaying my importance in Finn’s life and now I felt like a doo-doo head. 

“I’ve got time,” Finn smiled while pulling away. “Get us another round DBG!”

I felt my heart clench, even more unsure of what I wanted now. As Finn and I sat down at the bar, I started from the beginning. How Prismo had accidentally brought me along with Simon, about how Fionna and Cake are real, and how I got stuck in the first universe we fell in. How in that world he had a family and I had become incorporated into it. How I ran away and ended up with Prismo taking me back to Ooo to decide where I wanted to stay.

It was awkward, explaining to Finn about how I lived with another version of him. I tried to pass over the fact that I might have fallen for that Finn and may have kissed him, but I think Finn knew I wasn’t telling the whole truth.

“That’s crazy!” Finn exclaimed, eyes wide with wonder. “I had kids! Five of them?!”

I laughed gently at his awe, “Yeah. They’re really sweet too.”

Finn hummed in thought staring at me with a somber stare, “You wanna stay there don’t you.”

I looked down towards my drink, swirling it around and shrugged, “I do…but I don’t wanna leave you here either.”

“Why don’t you bring your phone with you this time?” Finn asked, giving me a brilliant smile. “That way we can talk whenever we want!”

“Would that even work?” I asked, looking at him with hope. “And you’d really be okay with that? And I mean seriously. Not just saying yes for my sake.”

“Of course!” Finn said, leaning over to hug my side. “I want you to be happy! Even if it means smooching an alternate version of me.”

My eyes widened, face suddenly feeling like it was ablaze, “I’m not smooching an alternate version of you!” 

“Uh huh,” Finn smiles cheekily. “Whatever you say. Don’t worry about me, I’m typically hanging out with Huntress Wizard anyways.” I wiggled my eyebrows at that, and he just let out a ‘pshh’.

Our laughs died down and I downed the rest of my drink. 

“Hey, sorry to be a downer, but I gotta close up for the night…” DBG spoke up, putting a clean glass back in place. 

“Oh! No problem bro,” Finn waved off, standing up. I stood up as well, and we exited the bar together. “So, when are you gonna head back?”

I shrugged, “Prismo said whenever I wanted.”

“You should probably go then,” Finn recommended. 

I hugged him, squeezing as hard as I could, “I love you man, don’t forget that. Keep me up to date on everything, okay?”

“I will,” Finn agreed, hugging me back. “I love you too.”

Pulling away from each other, I waved at him before pulling the note from my pocket, which transported me to Prismo’s room once more. 

“Welcome back,” Prismo welcomed. “Made your choice?”

“Yeah,” I nodded. “Oh shoot! I forgot my phone!”

“Oh, yeah that totally wasn’t gonna work,” Prismo shrugged. “You’re lucky I got you one that will work, already with your contacts transferred.” 

With a snap, a phone appeared in my hands. Searching through the contacts, they indeed had all my friends listed already. A giddy grin formed on my face. Making this choice wasn’t going as badly as I thought it would. 

“You ready?” Prismo asked. I nodded.

“Thank you again for doing all this.”

“Yeah, I totally shouldn’t be doing this, but since it was my fault…” He trailed off, looking to the side. “Anyways, are you sure you're sure? Cause after I send you there you won’t have a way to find me again since…well, their world has no magic.”

“I am,” I nodded with a serious expression.

With a snap of his fingers, I found myself in the living room/kitchen of the Mertens household. Suddenly, I was being tackled by a bunch of kids, all of them asking where I went and why would I do that.

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#finn mertens x reader #adventure time x reader #fionna and cake x reader #farmworld finn x reader #farmworld finn mertens x reader #adventure time #fionna and cake #finn mertens #farmworld finn #farmworld finn mertens #adventure time imagines #fionna and cake imagine #fionna and cake imagines

[l0velylecter]

I LOVE your ghost hc’s!!❤️, if you’re up for it can you make more angsty/toxic relationship (sorry if that sounds weird or if it makes you uncomfortable) headcannons with ghost? ❤️

imagine going through a divorce with simon ‘ghost’ riley, told through the five stages of grief 

— going through a divorce with simon ‘ghost’ riley, told through the five stages of grief rating : m for mature and suggestive themes pairing : f!reader / simon ‘ghost’ riley tags : angst, a lot of angst, minor mentions of violence, he won’t be a good partner no matter how much you want him to be, i wouldn’t say toxic because i’m can’t really stomach writing that, but more or so unhealthy relationship, he has anger issues and this might induce anxiety, he is self destructive and afraid of intimacy,  mentions of sex/smut fandom : cod mwii warnings : cursing, suggestive themes, mdni (minors don’t interact)

01 | You've lost count of the times you've denied that something is wrong between you and Simon. Once, you made the mistake of waiting on him for dinner, and he had entered the house with his mask pulled up to his nose — carrying a busted lip and several scars down his arms, his boots tracking blood and grime along the floor. Almost immediately: your concern was dismissed with anger — " Fucking hell, this is precisely why I didn't want you to wait. Cause you'd start running your mouth and asking all these bloody fucking questions."

With that, he stormed off into your room, leaving you to eat your home-cooked dinner alone: chewing on the cold meat so you won't cry. Ever since then, you keep telling yourself that he was just having a bad day, that he was just tired, that he was just trying his best. You never complained, even when his deployment grew longer, nor when he doesn't sleep in your bed anymore: always opting for the couch. Even when you barely talk and check up on one another. And even when he leaves almost immediately after you fuck without a kiss or a goodbye, you still convince yourself that Simon wasn't hurting you. That instead: he was just so full of hurt that it was overflowing out of him, and sometimes you can't help but be there when he spills.

02 | But Simon lives and breathes on anger, and it has become him. You were afraid of how much closer to a weapon he was than a man; how could he not hurt you when his jaw would clench at every minor inconvenience? Whether it was because you passed him the wrong tool when fixing his motorcycle or because you had locked yourself out of the house: Simon was always finding reasons to snap, and the worst part is that Simon doesn't realize it. Passive aggressive comments would turn into full-blown arguments, and worse, he would start throwing things. While your husband was not aiming at you, the cup had smashed into pieces — one of the strays flying to scratch you on the cheek. Immediately he fell on his knees in front of you, arms reaching out as if to touch. Yet when you flinched, he immediately slinked back. You couldn't take it anymore: breaking down into a sob, and as always, Simon only watched. That night, when he had left for his mission: you finally found the strength to sweep through the house. Somewhere into the argument, he had knocked over your picture together — your marriage had been a private ceremony between Simon and you. You couldn't stop the tears when you noticed for the first time in years that even at his wedding, his smile didn't quite reach his eyes. 

03 | Not wanting to give up just yet, you tried to bargain. You suggested that speaking with a professional might help — even going as far as booking appointments without Simon knowing. While he wasn't happy, your husband went nonetheless, proving that there is still hope. And slowly, you were starting to see him smile again. Oh, how you've missed it, missed him: you miss teaching him how to make paper cranes with the napkins as you wait for takeout. You miss his army humor over dinner and how he wiped the corner of your mouth with his thumb when you had sauce stuck there. You miss being able to kiss him goodnight and have him kiss you goodbye. It's just a shame that the good times are not enough to cover the bad. What's the point of all that hard work if he's just going to throw himself into battle again? It was like taking one step forwards and three steps back, and in the end, it doesn't matter how much you try, you were in love with a ghost; a shadow of a husband who used to exist in the past and now only lives in your head.  04 | To see the house so empty was more than depressing; without any furniture or tables, it was hard to believe that you once used to share a meal with Simon here almost every night. It was hard to believe you were ever married at all. You knelt to pick up the last box, nearly dropping it when Simon appeared by the doorway. Immediately you denied having gone through his things, and for a second, his eyes withered at the sight of you panicking — eyelids puffy and nose red. You both worked in silence, and while Simon kept his belongings to a minimum, it didn't stop him from staying to help you. It makes you feel worse knowing that within an hour, you felt more loved by him than in the years you were together, and it was on the day you both signed your divorce. For the sake of his identity, your marriage wasn't even on official records, so it was just an informal signing of the little paper you had kept for yourself. When he loaded the last box into your car, you couldn't help but burst into tears when you saw a miniature paper crane peeking out of his motorcycle bag. 

" Quit crying now," Simon murmured, pulling you into a hug for the first time in ages. He had a hand behind your head, stroking your hair, " It wasn't your fault. You made the right choice. Don't make this any harder for the both of us."

It all happened so fast: he lifted his bacalava to his nose to give you one last kiss on your lips, your scar, and your forehead. He even kneeled to tie your shoelaces when not even you realized they were loose. And when your ex-husband drove off, you didn't start the car until an hour later. 05 | Soap knew it was better not to poke around other people’s business, but he wasn’t the only one who found it strange that Ghost didn't carry any dog tags — and it was even stranger to see that he had two rings on his neck instead: the smaller band slotted perfectly inside the other. He asked Gaz about it, who asked Laswell about it, who asked Price about it, who eventually shut the ‘gossip’ down. Until Ghost got shot in the fucking chest, and a paper crane fell out of his pocket. 

“ Hey, Lt.” Soap asked through the comm, “ Why cranes ?”

There was a pause where Soap thought that this would be the part where he gets ignored for the third time that night.

“ They’re easy to make.”

“ So are planes. And frogs.”

He’s heard the man frustrated and angry, but Soap never heard him sad. Until the lieutenant finished recoiling his gun to curtly reply, “Because she said they mate for life.” 

His tone had been stern and final as if that was his way of accepting the past: Ghost never brought it up again.

a/n : first of all anon i’m sorry i suck at making head canons, i have to literally turn it into a story so the hcs have to be read in between the lines 😔 and i can’t make it purely toxic cause i can’t really stomach it so i have to make it more on the sad side, but i hope you enjoy this nonetheless ! Thanks for requesting <3

imagine the ‘exes who still love each other but know that being together is too painful’ trope + simon ‘ghost’ riley

headcanons of simon ‘ghost’ riley in a relationship with you ( and eventually, out of it )

#simon riley x you #simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley #simon riley #simon riley x y/n #ghost x y/n #ghost x reader #ghost call of duty #cod ghosts #ghost mw2 #call of duty #call of duty modern warfare #call of duty modern warfare ii #call of duty imagine #call of duty fanfic #call of duty headcanons #call of duty hc #cod headcanons #cod hcs #cod hc #call of duty modern warfare 2 #call of duty mwii #samuel roukin #angst #hurt #grammarly is my beta

[miyseung]

𝐀 𝐁𝐔𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐌𝐘 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓, 𝐀 𝐁𝐔𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐌𝐘 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃

summary: being part of a gang that murders isn't as badass and cool as those silly romance novels make it out to be. it involves questions, regrets and tough decisions, including ones related to your ex, jay.

genre: angst

includes: exes to (not so) lovers, inaccurate gang life pls bear with me i don't do illegal shit *sob*, murder, death, blood, curse words, guns, jay is mentioned as a nepo baby, mentions of (g)i-dle minnie and soyeon and le sserafim chaewon, quite some flashbacks, not that good ngl, not proofread, lmk if i missed anything

pairing: ex! gang member! jay x ex! gang member! fem! reader

word count: 2.7k

a/n: i apologize for 1. not updating 'diary entries filled with her' i've been busy writing this and i've been too drained to upload those :( i'll start with them again tomorrow and 2. if this isn't all that good idk why i wasted time writing this but oh well

“Y/N, your target is agent JJXNG. He’s an assassin like you who’s part of the team trying to track us down.” You focused on Minnie in front of you, the leader of the gang you were a part of. You were her most trusted assassin and the one she assigned the most difficult targets to. Sometimes, you didn’t understand what kept you in this job, but all your doubts would clear whenever you saw the stacks of cash as your monthly salary.

“JJXNG. How long has he been with the squad?”

“Two years. He’s a formidable force though — sneaky rat. He slips out from right under our noses.” “I see. Any specific date I should get him dead by?” “As soon as possible, honestly. I’ll tell Chaewon to set up a lead in one of our usual alleys.”

“What about alley 96?”

“Perfect. See, this is why I love you so much.”

She patted your shoulder, grinning a little. You chuckled, but it was weak. Seeing that, her face wore a look of concern.

“Are you okay with doing this though? I know you’re going through that break up…”

You shook your head.

“I’ll be fine. Can’t let emotions get in the way, right? Anyway, it’s not like this involves him.”

“I understand if not though. I’ll just ask Soyeon.”

“Seriously, I’ll do it.”

She tilted her head questioningly, and you nodded. She sighed before letting go of your shoulder.

“Alright then, I’ll call you once Chae is done. Take care of yourself until then, hm?”

“I will. Take care, Minnie.”

She smiled, and you reciprocated the gesture.

Upon reaching your apartment, you went into your room, looking for a change of clothes. Hands moving through your wardrobe, you froze as they landed on a certain hoodie.

Jay’s.

You must’ve mistaken it as one of your own when you were returning all his stuff. You ran your hands slowly over the fabric which was surprisingly still somewhat warm. He bought it in the USA, and it was rather expensive. You often stole it from him to the point where he just gave up and gifted it to you.

Unfolding it, you had an internal debate over whether you should wear it. In the end, you took off the clothes you were wearing and wore the hoodie and a pair of comfortable leggings. Why leave it to collect dust?

Soon, you were on your bed, lazing around as you scrolled on your Instagram feed. Your eyes were looking at posts, stories, and reels, but your brain processed nothing. 

Jay.

Homemade cooking.

As if on cue, your stomach grumbled.

You buried your face in your mattress, groaning. Hell, you missed the taste of his food, but worse — you missed him.

You were yet to reach the acceptance bit of the five stages of grief, and it was hindering all your thoughts. Looking back at your phone, you closed Instagram and opened your gallery.

A major part of getting over someone was deleting the more intimate pictures with and of them.

Fuck it, you didn’t.

How could you, when the man was way too fine to be real?

You were holding on to slivers of what you used to have, and you knew it was unhealthy, but who were you to care?

Scrolling through all the pictures, different memories played in your mind by a broken record. Smiley, hot, cute, straight from hell, meme-worthy, sculpted by Michelangelo, jawline sharp enough to cut through a watermelon, goofy, with a guitar — your photo album of him had all genres of Park Jongseong, even his darkest and deepest ones.

If everything was so perfect, what went wrong?

You reflected on your three-year relationship with him. Arguments were few and far between the two of you. You spent a lot of time with him, he spoiled you a lot (even though you told him not to), he treated you like a princess, and you reciprocated it as much as you could. Even with all your missions with the gang, everyone would call you both the perfect couple.

Your parents adored him — he was their ideal son-in-law — and you couldn’t help but smile as you remembered the shy look on his face as they explicitly told him that. His parents were friendly with you. Sure, they were a bit awkward and haughty, but you had seen worse.

All this got you wondering…

Where in the middle of this dreamy paradise did the devil find his home?

He wouldn’t have cheated. He was too good-hearted for that…or at least you hoped.

You did a little digging after you both ended things, but (un)fortunately you had no evidence to support your claim, and couldn’t have any justified hard feelings towards him.

You had the events of that day burned in your memory — the day when the safe little bubble you lived in burst.

He was at your place, and you both were watching a movie together. Usually, you’d be cuddling with him, but that day, it was like he was doing his best not to let even an inch of his skin come in contact with yours. It hurt your feelings, sure, but you just brushed it off as him being on his man period.

A scene appeared on the screen where the main character and her love interest were having a cheesy date, and you turned to look at Jay, expecting a comment about how your relationship with him was better or a lovesick smile, or his lips puckering out in an awkwardly endearing manner, or- or- anything other than a blank stare and a frown. He noticed your gaze and his jaw tensed.

“Y/N…this-this- you and I…”

He took a deep breath.

“I can’t do us anymore.”

Your eyes widened, and your mouth opened and closed like a fish. Your hand reached for his instinctively, but he drew it back, showing that he wasn’t joking. 

“But- why? What’s-What’s going wrong? It’s nothing we…we can’t fix, you know- I’m sorry if I did anything, I’ll-I’ll change my ways, just please don’t-”

“It’s not your fault, okay? I just- my work is getting more time-consuming nowadays, and I don’t want to end up neglecting you in the process, Y/N. You deserve someone better.”

“I don’t need anyone else, Jay! You’re more than enough, you’re my everything! I don’t care if you have to spend less time with me, I understand and I’ll manage-”

“No Y/N, trust me. Plus…”

He looked away nervously, eyes staring at the paused screen as if it were the most interesting thing in the world.

“Plus…?” “My parents disapprove.”

Silence.

“Oh.”

You couldn’t say anything against that. You knew how much Jay loved his parents, and you would never want to come between them.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I wish it wasn’t like this.”

“That’s okay. I know- how they mean the world to you.”

“I’m not saying you don’t, but-”

“It’s fine, really.”

He placed a gentle hand on your shoulder. “I wish you all the best in your future endeavors, Y/N. I’ll never forget you. I just can’t.”

“You too, Jay. Good luck with your work.”

And just like that, he left.

A month ago.

You wanted to scream. This was like the millionth time that you thought about that day.

You seriously had to get something better to do in your life. 

Suddenly, a call came on your phone. You looked at the ID, and as you expected, it was Minnie.

“Y/N? Hello.”

“Hey, Minnie. Something up?”

“They took the bait literally an hour after Chaewon set it up.”

There was a snicker of amusement from her end, and you grinned a little to yourself as well over how stupid the squad was.

“Damn, they’re confident.”

“I know! They didn’t even wait!”

“It’s dumb.”

“Mhm. Anyway, those bitches set up the meeting date as fuckin’ tomorrow. Wild, no?”

“Seriously? So soon? Kinda feeling bad for JJXNG, the poor guy most likely isn’t even prepared.”

“Fools, really. Deserved. You’re up for it, right?”

“Of course. Time?”

“11 p.m.”

“Alright, I’ll see you at the base at 10:30 p.m. tomorrow. That good?”

“That’s perfect. Alley 20, by the way.”

The alley was quiet, the streetlights providing just enough luminescence for you to notice the outline of a man slowly approaching you. You gripped the pistol in your hand tighter, setting your arm to the side so that the guy wouldn’t notice.

The soft but heavy sound of his footsteps was slightly muffled by the drizzle that left you a bit soaked. Drops of water trailed from your hair to your face, and you wiped them off with your free hand.

The man was now close enough to you. He wore a mask just like you did, but his was black with ‘JJXNG’ written on it in bold, red letters.

This guy was bloody stupid.

There was something familiar in his gaze, but you brushed it off as deja vu. He seemed to be sizing you up, so you did the same. You noticed that he had a gun too, so you moved yours further behind your back. Looking into his eyes, you saw that there was a bit of confusion swirling in them.

“Agent JJXNG? Hard to pronounce.”

You chuckled dryly, but his eyes widened.

“You’re…ENZ? Wait, but-”

Why…why was his voice so familiar? The guy had the same tone as…as someone who had been a vital part of your life until a month ago, and then became a permanent resident in your head.

“Y/N?”

You froze.

“How- How the fuck do you-”

The same surprise. The same shock. The same concern.

“Jongseong…?”

He lowered his mask at you saying his name, and you could see how his mouth was agape with shock. You did the same, although your lips were pursed together in a thin line. 

“I didn’t expect to be seeing you so soon.”

His hands fidgeted with his pistol, and you realized.

You were tasked to kill him.

He stood still for a moment, seemingly going through the same dilemma.

“So, Jongseong, this is the work that’s been so time-consuming, hm? Did your parents approve of this?”

He gritted his teeth, remembering how he said those things as a reason for breaking up with you.

“Look, Y/N-”

“I’m not about to get together with you right now.”

“I’m not that desperate.”

That hurt, and you had no idea why.

“Do you promise to never keep secrets from me, Jay?”

You held out your pinkie suddenly, catching him off guard. The poor boy was just trying to cook.

“All of a sudden?”

He chuckled, before instantly locking pinkies with you.

“I promise, only if you do the same, love.”

You smiled at him, before placing a chaste kiss on his cheek.

You shook your head, not wanting to remember unfulfilled promises right now. Suddenly, your eyes focused on the gun pointed directly at your forehead and you winced, mentally slapping yourself for losing focus.

“Didn’t think I’d be doing this ever in my life, but here we are.”

His tone was cold yet cocky, which was annoying as hell. You reciprocated the gesture calmly, and he narrowed his eyes at you.

“Fuck. Should’ve seen that coming.”

He was in a pissy mood. You were in a pissy mood.

An irritated Jay plus an irritated you equaled disaster, which was why you usually avoided each other when both of you were emotionally heightened.

Unfortunately, circumstances didn’t allow that. You were at his house already mad, and you wanted to be with him to blow some steam off. He got some news from work that seriously angered him by the time you were there.

It started with you forgetting to wash the dishes once and ended up with the both of you having a screaming match in the living room. He complained that ‘you never cared about his feelings’ and you retorted by saying ‘he had extremely high standards’.

That was your first major argument, and it ended so badly that you didn’t contact each other for a week.

Why were you having all these flashbacks? You weren’t some anime protagonist. 

“Is this a race of who kills who first?”

“It’s always like that. I thought you had two years of experience under your Prada belt? Or are your targets handed to you on a silver platter as well?”

He scoffed at your remark. He never liked to be reminded that he was a nepo baby. He was always extremely humble and sweet, even if he occasionally didn’t understand seemingly normal things due to his upbringing.

But fuck it, to hell with him and his kindness.

“It just feels weird, since I’m killing you.”

Your grip on your pistol loosened.

“...yeah.”

His eyes were now filled with remorse as they softened.

“Frankly speaking, I don’t-don’t really know how I’ll go on- move on from this.”

He cared.

He still cared.

A week after that big fight, you had someone at your door — Jay.

When you saw him at your doorstep, all of your favorite snacks cooked by him in one hand and a necklace box in another, you didn’t know how to react.

“Y/N, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have lashed out at you like that.”

He genuinely looked like he was going to burst into tears. You hugged him tight, and he buried his head in your shoulder, sniffling a little.

“I forgive you. I’m sorry too.”

“I thought I lost you, love. Please- don’t leave me.”

“I won’t, Jay. I never will.”

The rest of the day was spent with you both cuddling, eating, and (re)watching your favorite movies amongst many kisses.

And that’s how you both made up after every fight.

You struggled to come to terms with the fact that the same guy you used to watch Lady and the Tramp with was now pointing a gun at your forehead.

In his defense, you were doing the same thing.

“You know what?”

“What?”

“I’ll count to three, and we pull the trigger at the same time when I reach 0.”

You didn’t know how to feel about that suggestion — it made too many things real.

You were going to die.

He was going to die.

You’d be the reason he died.

He’d be the reason you died.

You didn’t want to continue living after this. You didn't want to live holding the huge guilt of having murdered the sweetest guy on the planet. At this point, you were struggling to hold back tears.

“Sure.”

You steadied your arm, and he copied your action.

“3…”

The first day you both met.

“2…”

The day he asked you to be his girlfriend.

“1…”

Life while dating him.

“0.”

The day you both broke up.

The loud bang of your gunshot echoed throughout the alley, the rain accentuating it. The sound overpowered the clang of his gun falling to the ground, and his soft words.

“Y/N…I can’t. I can’t kill you. I still love yo-”

You opened your eyes and froze.

How did you just do that?

He should’ve killed you, you were dea-

Your eyes fell upon Jay’s body in front of you.

There was a hole in his forehead, and blood was trickling out of it. His eyes were rolled to the back of his head, and you could only see the whites. There he lay, limp and lifeless.

And it was all your fault.

Then it hit you.

He didn’t shoot. 

He broke yet another promise.

You kneeled in front of him, letting yourself cry. You cradled him close just like how you used to whenever he had a bad day and you would comfort him.

“Jay…Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Why-Why didn’t you shoot?! Bastard, how do you want me to live now that you’re gone! You piece of- of absolute shit! I loved you, I love you and I will- simply continue to love you, and-and it’s going to hurt ‘cause you’re not here, damn it!”

You held him close, your salty tears mixing with his blood.

You couldn’t do it.

You couldn’t continue life knowing you were the reason he died.

You remained in that position, Jay’s body in your arms. Your warm hand gripped his cold one. It was weird how it still gave you comfort.

Your eyes darted around, before focusing on his gun in the pool of blood. You took it, deciding to finish his mission for him, not minding the red liquid staining your hand.

His gun was now on the side of your head.

“I love you, Park Jongseong.”

Another loud bang echoed in the alleyway.

#kpop fanfic #kpop #fluff #fem reader #K-pop x reader #kpop imagines #mallow's works #mallow's oneshots #enhypen #enhypen angst #enhypen imagines #enhypen x reader #kpop bg #heeseung fluff #gang au #angst #jay fluff #jay angst #jay enhypen #jay #jay x reader #exes to lovers #kinda

[dearest-painter]

A vampire’s true love PT.2

Summary:A widow and a father is the life of Spider-Vamp or Y/N O’Hara. When going to earth-1610 by pure accident and meeting his brand new lover he goes home happy, finally done grieving his late husband. When he and Gabriella meet old friends again and someone who looks like his late husband chaos ensues

TW/CW:Yandere behavior, unhealthy behavior, unhealthy relationship,abusive behavior,abusive relationship,Reader has vampiric traits,Reader is Miguel O’Hara’s husband in his earth,Gabriella aka Miguel and Reader’s kid is alive,very out of character characters,this is a series,Reader is dating Spider-Noir, Spanish will be used but I’m a no sabo kid so I’ll use Google translate so if I did something wrong tell me and please suggest me websites to use for proper translation,Reader was with the og spider crew during into the spider verse,people might be out of character,Nicknames like:Doll and Doll face are used as it makes sense for Noir,tell me if I need to add more

Miles fell asleep on your shoulder so Noir put his trench coat over him. Noir saw you looking at Miles and he knew you were thinking of something so he kindly asked. “Doll, what’s on your mind?” You looked at him with a blank yet serious face. “I could’ve stopped this..I could’ve made sure that he never came here and was safe but now he’s here…I need to get him the watch I made so he can hide in my universe, I’ll kill them all if it means he gets to see his family” Noir sighed and nodded his head, Miles has always been a son to you so you always were protective of him and would do anything for his happiness and safety.

“I know you will…just..just make sure you tell me so I can help you Dollface” you smiled at Noir as you grabbed his hand. Gabriella was asleep on Miles..it was a cute sight that you couldn’t help but take a picture of. You picked up Miles as Noir picked up Gabriella, you two quickly made were able to go to your universe as you both heard Miguel. As soon as you got home or to your house Miles was put on the couch and was given a watch that you made. “It serves the same purposes as ours but it isn’t attached to Lyla but is instead attached to-“ “Whose the new kid?” You looked at your AI, she didn’t look anything like Lyla. She had short curly hair, sunglasses in bat wings, had a black sorta fluffy vest, brown thigh high boats, vitiligo, a gothic dress, and finally lacy gloves as she was made with inspiration of your late best friend, Lola Parker.

“Before I was so rudely interrupted my watch is attached to her or Viktora, Gabriella named her” Gabriella woke up rubbing her eye a bit as soon as she saw Viktora she waved and Viktora smiled and waved back. “It is nice to meet you Ms.Viktora” She looked Noir up and down then gave a half smile half ‘I’m pretending so my favorite people don’t get annoyed’ smile. “Same here anyways why is the 1610 kid here?” Noir left to put Gabriella in bed. “He accidentally was in the spider society then Miguel decided to chase him down for some reason!”

Viktora was surprised..Miguel? Alive? She knows about the multiverse but last time she checked the Miguel she knew died in your arms but maybe it’s because she’s trying to surpass it so that you are happy. She sighed as she looked at Miles. “Damn…Kid gonna need therapy that’s for sure but..how are you? You know after seeing um a version of your late husband alive?” You sighed as you sat on the coffee table and ran a hand over your face you stared at the ceiling. “I’m on the verge of breaking down..so many feelings are overcoming me but I’m mostly feeling sad and overwhelmed…..I accepted his death after I went through all the stages of grief and found a man I love but..seeing my husb-..dead husband alive I got so overwhelmed. I know he’s not my Miguel but when you see a man who looks like your first love you get all emotional….I still love Noir, he’s my dearest lover and I’ll love him still I just..I just need to get my feelings under control”

Viktora sighed and nodded her head, she knew how much you loved your Miguel as he made you feel safe and she hopes Noir can do that. “I’ll put the house on safety watch” “Thanks Vik, I’m going to get some blood” “Dont go to hard on your boyfriend” you blushed and slapped away her hologram making her laugh, you walked away mumbling cuss words. Noir was in your room as he was resting on your bed and you laid on him. He chuckled and kissed you head as you gently bit his neck for blood. He’s always allowed you to feed on him as you need it to love and you make sure not to make fo much. “I love you” you looked up at Noir and smiled. “Te amo(I love you)” you were telling the truth but your feelings of 2099 Miguel made you feel like your living a lie but you’ll deal with it later.

#yandere #please don’t do this #obession #unhealthy #platonic yandere #yandere platonic #romantic yandere #A vampire’s true love series #part 2 of many #x male reader #male reader #yandere x male reader #yandere spider man across the spider verse #yandere spiderverse

[poorly-drawn-puppet-history]

you won't post 1 headcanon for every puppet. you wont

i WILL. AND i'll do it in chronological order from appearance (more or less). but it will be under a readmore after the first season so i dont interrupt anyones scrollin

The Professor: i think in addition to growing a bit from Dino DNA(tm) he also has feathers now. just some feathers in there with his fur. maybe even molts and is miserable about it

Death: he plays guitar And piano, but just as a hobby. he's like a salaryman who had a garage band as a teenager and never fully gave up on the dream

Propeller: propeller SADSTUCK: i think he legitimately had to go to therapy for the britannica shit that happened. PH feels like it would be that realistic about mental health tbh

Big Pile of Diamonds: his mustache is fake. his greatest secret. his greatest shame.

God: he actually really likes to dance! unfortunately next 2 no one will do it since... The Incident

Train: does he not have a better name... maybe put a mr. in front of there... anyway he feels betrayed by the U.S. since they gave up the train model for highways/interstates and the motorcar industry. gets REALLY heated about it

Mt. Vesuvius: has a bunch of speeches given by famous latin authors and orators memorized, but sometimes he mashes them up without realizing/misattributes which one was written by whom. old man moments

Hatshepsut's Goose: can't remember what their gender was in life. that's fine, they love being a nonbinary icon. AMAB (Assigned Mummy at (em)Balming)

Clipped Coin: dodges the spool's wrath by being unflappable and so down to earth despite his apparent success. truly the king of staying in his own lane

Olympic Torch: hes a cranky piece of shit and only really enjoys sporting competition. he was complaining about being in the group puzzle photo so god just picked him up and he went ffffffffffine. okay. ill smile for 2 seconds

Gay Oars: i think they Also went to therapy, mostly relationship counseling, and now they are back and better than Ever. unbreakable bond. im abt to pen a whole ass comic series about them getting married in purgatory

Policarpa's Spool: still thinks of himself as a spy type, but there's only so much spying he can do in... purgatory. of course, his primary nemesis is the treasure chest.

Lake Donner Snowman: idk if this counts as a headcanon per se but in my very short list where i recast the puppets as famous singers, he is ABSOLUTELY voiced by Weird Al Yankovic.

St. Nick's Wet Bones: sort of taking the whole purgatory thing in stride. he kinda feels like he's in retirement! now he's a minor agent of chaos who's looked after by his darling Pickle Boys

Beast of Gevaudan: i was so sad when the infinitiger wasn't real, i wanted them to have a cooking show together so badly and destroy the horse's self-esteem. i love him. hes so abominably french

Stool of Gold: well-traveled, well-read, literally just as sensible as the Book or the Oars, but finds the chaos entertaining to spectate.

Ziryab's Oud: I think that the puppets have divvied up the whole Wondrium Arena and all have designated Living Areas, and he has a whole dressing room filled with shitty costumes he can't even wear. every time someone knocks he answers like hes on MTV's Cribs.

Bye Bye Brothers: they live in the orchestral pit and treat it like a secret lair. only other Murderer Puppets are allowed in. EXCLUSIVE club

Flower Boat: GNC Icon. this is a flower boat stan account. jenuinely a wholesome, emotional vessel doing their best to pitch in.

Molasses Horse: you can wash him as much as you want, that shit always just comes back somehow. the book theorizes it's psychosomatic at this point, since they're technically only souls at this point.

Tiny Piece of Wheat: bro i bet they went through SUCH phases after finding out about the professor's death. like all five stages of grief and then four more that have not yet been discovered by humans. dw kiddo, u got Grandparents incoming

Emu: the type of guy to fistfight you and then help you up. laid back but ready to throw down at a MOMENT'S notice. has no beef with the Wheat, but generally avoids them to keep from any Upsets.

Treasure Chest: has a little list of get-rick-quick schemes he wants to test, but has no way to in purgatory. he has one braincell bouncing around in his head like the DVD logo

Scabs & Pus: they get to hang out with the Bye Bye Brothers in their little club :) they're gross dudes to look at and be around. but they are ultimately harmless and friendly and just happy to be included.

Book: i love da book. I think he lives in the music library backstage and finds librettos for stageplays/musicals to pitch to the group to put on, as well as produces their little TV shows.

Birch Trees: since they share a root system, they have a telepathic link and communicate without even speaking, which is fucking creepy as hell when one or both of them just start laughing out of nowhere. they probably enjoy acting sinister

Asmodeus: he worked HARD on his song for the show!!!!! i think he's a bit of a ham sometimes when he gets the chance. also his goat head bites literally anything that comes close on reflex.

The Devil: while everything he does is to get souls, it also feels like he wants for positive and is less an Enemy of God and more an Irritating Coworker. in my brain they have a whole Tom and Jerry thing going on.

I don't have anything for the Fake Puppets the Substitute impersonated, but im planning on drawing some infinitiger soon bc he was my fave for sure

The Substitute: this is PURELY crack but i think it would be hilarious if he had voice commands like some tech does. i want him to climb back in the window and ryan just yells XBOX TURN OFF and he vanishes.

Dino Dad/Dinosir: i think even after he gets to the present and learns about all kinds of rocks and gems and crystals he Still just loves a big old rock he can lay on and sun himself with. like a dad and his armchair. doesnt gotta be fancy, just has to be comfy.

Dino Mom/Dinosara: i think she would be REALLY into the fake tv shows the puppets in the Wondrium Arena make. and they'd probably Love to have her as a fan. i think both the professor's parents are Hella popular.

#THIS FELT LIKE RUNNING A MARATHON. I FEEL LIKE IM BEING TESTED BY THE FANDOM. I dont expect anyone 2 read all this but if u do u get a kis #puppet history #the professor ph #the substitute ph #gay oars #watcher entertainment #headcanons #ask answered #peer review? peer support? p #EDIT: if u saw me forget someone no u didnt<3

[sc0tters]

after a short yet unplanned break, the aus are back! And with that so are the daily thoughts, since we missed a few days below you will a thought for each au and even the ones that we have been developing (such as Mat and Gabe’s sister and Will x Junior!) oh and all of these are at random points within timelines…

Cole and Darcy: Rowden is TERRIFIED of Youppi! Like this happy child won’t stop crying the moment he sees that mascot

Jack and Kennedy: she gets to month six of the pregnancy and is still avoiding him but when she heard that he went and had surgery she wonders if she should invite him over to talk.

Elias and Gracie: Gracie got a busted lip in the game and Elias straight up went a bit bat shit about how the preds player put his hands on Elias’ girl.

Willy and Matilda: with him not being fit for game Matilda is trying to nurse him back to health through love.

Trevor and Blair: Trevor has finally accepted that Blair will love him if he was a worm. But now Blake wants to know if she would love him too. Blair now wants to change all of Trevor’s original answers to “would feed you to the birds”

Jeremy and Adelia: when the wags got their jackets Adelia wasn’t at the picture because she was working but then she thought she was forgotten until Moa pulled it out of her bag forgetting to give it to her.

Matt and Sydney: Sydney made a deal with Matt that for every game in the playoffs that he ended up back in the box that he wouldn’t get any kind of sex time until after the next game. She wants her brothers and parents to see him be more well behaved, but that’s not working too well…

Sidney and Camille: this woman is so excited to go tour around Czechia and when their daughter (I decided we give them a girl but if you guys think otherwise then let me know) is born she loves getting to take quiet walks around the city with her in Camilles arms.

Gabe and Jamie: Jamie got hurt in the second game and lost another tooth, but she scored another goal. So Jamie was definitely on FaceTime with Gabe asking if she was still pretty. Gabe remembered what it was like in Sweden.

Mat and Gabe’s sister: this one is more of a thought in general but I like the idea of her being a doctor. Mat was literally going through ALL the stages of grief though when he realised that she was Gabe’s sister (have we named her yet?)

Cutter and Lillian: Cutters family are so beyond pissed off that he hurt Lillian. Cutter had to tell them that he wasn’t going to her lake house that summer and therefore was going to come home.

Ryan and Ava: Layla has been laying between her parents as she crawls around the bed and Ryan is calling everyone to tell them how smart his daughter is.

Will and Bailey: Max is ready for the summer and to kick his little feet up at Lillians lakehouse because now he wants to see her new boat 

Drew and Erin: Erin and Drew have been spending most of their time at Lillian’s apartment making sure that she is okay.

Jacob and Ivy: Ivy is teaching Jacob different points within figure skating and honestly she’s never found him funnier in her life.

Ethan and Astrid: Astrid got to shave his beard today and she’s never been happier.

Luca and Aspen: Aspen and Sabrina were talking about how cute Gavin and Marisa would be and now Luca would like to return Aspen and Vivi because Vivi says she misses her uncle Gav.

Rutger and Emmy: Emmy has spent her weekend explaining to Rutger why they are on Lillian’s side in the break up.

Gavin and Marisa: Marisa got irritated because a girl kept on flirting with Gavin when they were still sleeping together so Marisa made sure that when he was gone for a week that he had his favourite pair of her panties and a Polaroid of them together in his bag. This man shares a room with Adam…

Nick and Fran: they are currently arguing over if they should get a cat or a dog. The boys are having to remind them of the time they looked after someone’s goldfish and killed it, they had it for two days…

Jacob and Emma: Emma got released from hospital and ended up spending a night back in her parents place which meant that she and Jack ended up catching up on life. She let it slip that she was in love with Jacob. But of course Jacob hasn’t been sleeping thinking that it was he who put her back in the hospital.

Seamus and Liana: Leigh has a new duck towel when she is done in her baths and Seamus doesn’t know what is cuter, his child or Liana’s excitement that it fits.

Jimmy and Tate: Tate went home for a couple of days without him and swore it was torture. Like this man had to go wait for her arrival because she was on the phone with him 24/7

Mark and Abigail: Abigail has been clingy all weekend after she got sick and Mark was lapping it up literally living for every single moment of it!

John and Maya: Auggie is getting to see his hometown for the first time and it makes John so happy seeing his girls get accepted by his family.

Umich Throuple:  Because Lucie was gone they spent the weekend in Ella’s dorm.

Steve and Lucie: Lucie made a mini road trip to see Steve and got to spend the weekend with him in his new apartment!

Will and Junior: when they eventually talk their shit out Will is so worried because she is so drunk and ends up staying with her to make sure she doesn’t do something stupid, but instead she wakes up forgetting they spoke.

Luke and Allie: Allie has booked her and the girls flights to Czechia and has her letter of transfer printed and ready to give to Luke! But for now whilst she finishes off the year he is in Michigan getting to spend time with the twins and sometimes take them to see their mom after lectures.

Quinn and Rouge: They had their first kiss after game one in the playoffs because he thought she needed to be rewarded for her goal.

Cole and Parker: Parker wants a dog, Cole said no. Parker is not very impressed right now.

Nick and Scottie: they have finally started talking to each other and have accepted that they are not doing okay and therefore want to go into some kid of therapy.

Adam and Sabrina: Sabrina has a mini tour this summer and Adam is gonna come with her now that they soft launched her album with a picture of his hand in hers!

Jack and Mila: soaking up the love and attention of their new born boy 

Luke and Isabel: Isabel is ready to go to Prague because her and Blair have already decided on so many things to do together and Blair hasfound a new little sister through it. 

Nico and Bianca: Bianca is trying to convince Nico to tell her where Timo lives so she can go irritate him, she has stopped crying this pregnancy, but now she wants a good laugh and knows that an injured Timo will do it for her.

Timo and Julie: Timo misses being able to call Bianca fat and wants Nico to bring her over

Philly Throuple: trying to decide where to go for the break together!

Matthew and Lilah: they just got their license to foster!

#ambers daily au thoughts!

[mental-health-advice]

Hi there, honestly not to sure where to start with this - however this consistently returns to make me worry and I’m not sure what to do.

I don’t think I have the ability to grieve properly, or to form proper connections with other people hence leading to a difficulty to grieve. As a child I was always a very overly emotional person, any prospect of death would bring me to tears.

When I was around 14 my Computer Science teacher passed away. He’d been one of my favourite teachers, he made me laugh, he never minded that I did poorly in his classes, he was always there for me when I needed. And, yet, when he passed away I didn’t cry. I was sorta dumbfounded, shocked, my mom told me what had happened and I sat in silence in my room and watched YouTube videos. And then I started to ruminate, why didn’t I feel anything? Why wasn’t I crying? I should be distraught, and yet I wasn’t. I guess after this I started to harbour this sorta guilt, this idea that I’d never grieved this man properly because what if I’d never really cared about him, what if I just lacked something and was emotionally stunted. It’s weird, cause I’ve been brought to tears as I type this, but back then when it actually happened I didn’t feel enough at all.

Since then other people in my life have passed away. My grandma passed away three years ago, when she died I did cry - I had to get taken out of school. I also cried at her funeral, yet after she passed I accepted that she was gone very quickly, and never really mourned her death after that. Then that guilt returns, that worry that I never actually loved her or cared about her. Why don’t I miss her as much as my other family members do? What is wrong with me?

As I’m typing this right now, my grandpa has started to get very very old. Health-wise he’s fine, but I’m sorta overcome with this constant worry that he’s suddenly going to pass away, and that when that happens I’ll be unable or incapable of grieving. And I always feel so guilty about this, the fact that I’m more worried about my own reaction to death than the actual death itself. This is all so confusing but I don’t really know who to turn to or talk to about this. I’m so worried that I didn’t feel enough or love these people enough, that I have this inability to care or lack empathy. Occasionally this guilt builds up, and there are days when it’s the only thing I think about and days like that usually end in tears. But I don’t know how to explain myself, how am I supposed to go to my parents and explain that I have no idea how to grieve? I know grief can form in many different ways, in a way I feel like I’m still grieving for my ICT teacher and my grandma cause I felt like I never grieved them properly the first time. I’m sorry that this ask is just so much, but I really don’t know who to turn too and I just feel like I need to explain how I feel to someone.

Hey there,

Firstly, I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your grandma and your ICT teacher from school.

Grief, like you mentioned can and does come out in many different ways and forms and just because you cried over one person’s death and not another person’s, it does not mean that you cared about them any less. It’s only normal to go back and forward through the 5 stages of grief, or even to skip them or go through them in any order. These stages are denial, anger, barraging, depression and acceptance.

To me, it sounds as though when your ICT teacher passed, you went through a bit of denial and this then turned into a bit of anger towards yourself and also guilt for feeling as though you should have done or felt a certain way to show that you cared about him and especially as he was one of your favourite teachers. These feelings you felt were and are very real and valid, but it’s also important to try to reinforce and remind yourself that everyone deals and copes with death in different ways and so perhaps how you reacted when your ICT passed away was because you weren’t sure how to feel due to him being a teacher and not a family member. Just a thought. You may have also been feeling a bit confused due to still being so young, plus it can be really hard to mourn the loss of someone when there are only certain ways you feel you can show your love and care towards people when they pass away. I acknowledge that it’s hard, it’s really hard, but due to you feeling as though you haven’t grieved properly (not that there is a right or wrong way) could you maybe do a little something for yourself in his memory?

It must have been so difficult when you then lost your grandma and it making you feel even more confused due to mourning her in a very different way as compared to your ICT teacher and feeling as though you accepted this loss more easily than with your ICT teacher. It’s only normal though to get through different losses of people in different ways. No death of a person is the same, and different memories of our time with them can sometimes trigger certain emotions in us. This may help to explain why you cried when you lost your grandma but not when your ICT teacher died.

Try to be kind to yourself and know that there is nothing at all wrong with you. We all deal with things very differently and in our own way and sometimes this may look very differently each time, for example when we lose someone in our life, whether it be through death or them moving on in their own direction in life.

I really hope that this has helped a bit and please do let us know if we can help to support you in any other way!

I’m thinking of you and hope that you are going OK!

Take care,

Lauren

#mha-lauren #advice #advice blog #mental health advice #anonymous #grief

[ladyoftheblades]

the ones with the porn name

EDDIE X READER

an: this fic is based on the anime “nana” basically reader and eddie meet the same way nana o. and nobu do. also i am not from the us and i have no idea how schools work there besides very basic level stuff. ALSO i tried not to use y/n too much but i failed, i am sorry. I am not a native english speaker

summary: highschool is a bitch, especially if you are the so called school freak and for what ? liking unpopular music and fantasy games ? needless to say eddie munson had given up on finding like minded people in this hellhole. but what he didnt excpect was the quiet girl from english to be a secret rock fan

it was a well known fact Eddie Munson could not care less about school. About anything actually. Making new friends, grades , society, conformity etc. It was all irrelevant to him. His only goal was to finally graduate senior year and run, far, far, far away from Hawkins High. All the bullyinng, name calling, rumors would finally stop. For the most part atleast. He really wasnt excpecting anything to come out of his -hopefully- last year in high school.

so imagine his surprise when Y/N L/N walked into english clad in a Joan Jett t-shirt. 

as far as he knew Y/N was... he didnt really know how she was. They sat across eachother in one class only exchanging the occasional hello before lessons. All he knew of her was what hed gathered during the year and what he had heard other people say about her. He was dumbfounded upon realising they might have more in common than what he had originally thought. 

as she approached her seat she didnt even bother to spare him a glance, quietly putting down her bag and sitting.

Eddie debated wether or not he should talk to her. What would he even say ? how would he say it ? would she maybe be intimidated ? wait why was he overthinking this so much ?. As he pulled himself from the fog of thought surrounding his brain the teacher stepped in. great he thought. Atlest now he had time to figure out his strategy.

class was as class is; boring. Yet a certain joan jett fans mind was less preocupied with literature and more with a long haired mans gaze not leaving her frame. She did not know why Eddie was starring at her, and she refused to look his way as she couldnt read his expression. Was something wrong with her appearence ? did her hair smell ? what was his problem ?  Her eyes remained on the board; not reading what was on it simply staring into the empty spaces begging for him to look away. In those moments she wished the earth would open up and swallow her whole. He must have been looking at her for more than half of the class. Not that she could tell. She was too busy wishing to die of embarassment.

Eddie reached into his backpack, wich was mostly empty, and pulled out a piece of paper and a pen. Not to take any notes for the class, no, he had other plans. Better ones.

Y/N couldnt make out his movements but she was glad his stare was giving her a break. After a few seconds she saw something flying on her desk from eddies direction. Looking down she identified the object as a ball of paper. 

“i like your shirt ;)”

Y/N looked at the note. Then at Eddie. Then back at the note. He wasnt scrutinizing her ! thank god she thought.

Oh god she hates me now doesnt she ?

Eddies train of thought was running at 100km an hour, faster than the speed of light, in the time he did not receive a reply he went through all the stages of grief and of regret. He tho-

Then he felt something falling on his hand.

“thank you”

that was it. In his hand had fallen a note, the same note he had sent flying to you was now back in his posession. The content of the paper, right there, underneath his note was her response. It wasnt anything remarcable, it was a normal response. Still, he felt a huge weight lift off his shoulders. He took the paper into his hands thinking of how to continue the conversation. Sadly he didnt get the chance.

⚠️IMPORTANT⚠️ ! A/n: this is shorter than my patience idk if i like it or if its even worth continuing or publishing. I will put this out and if it gains a bit of attention i will commit.

PART 2 IS UP https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/ladyoftheblades/689202000935698432?source=share

#eddie stranger things #eddie munson #stranger things #eddie my beloved #eddie x reader #stranger things x you

[buckysimp101]

And They Were Roommates- Part 9

Roommate!Bucky x Original Female Character

Series Masterlist

Bucky's POV

Too many damn lights. That's the first thing I noticed after the car pulled up in front of Stark Tower. I knew that Howard's retirement would be garnering a lot of press, but damn I wasn't expecting this many people. Anna tried to talk to me in the car, but everything she said seemed to go in one ear and out the other. I couldn't pay attention to anything. All I could think about, was Olivia Miller. There's no way she wouldn't be here. Even if she hated me, she was still friends with Tony, and Howard Stark adored her more than his own son half the time. The fact that she managed to break through his asshole-ishness still surprised all of us to this day.

 Man, you have to stop thinking about Olivia. You've got Anna right beside you, just enjoy your night.

Anna must be a mind-reader or something because as soon as we stepped out of the car she looped her arm through mine, my body's automatic response was to wrap my arm around her waist instead and lead her through the crowd of press.

"Mr. Barnes over here!"

"Mr. Barnes, who are you wearing?"

"Mr. Barnes is it true you're going to be announced as the new VP of Stark Industries?"

"Mr. Barnes, who do you have with you tonight?"

The question kept coming and coming and felt like they would never stop. I paused occasionally for a picture but ultimately avoided the questions, they'd get most of their answers soon enough. I turned to check on Anna and noticed a pout on her lips, her eyebrows furrowed in annoyance. I leaned in to her, my lips brushing her ear, and asked "you okay?"

My question only seemed to annoy her further as she pursed her lips and whispered back, "you didn't want to tell any of them about me. And every picture you took you seemed to push me off to the side. Are you embarrassed by me, James?"

Her statement made me want to roll my eyes. Of course I didn't want to talk to the paparazzi about Anna. It's not like we were dating, hell, she'd be lucky if she got an invitation back to my place tonight after the way she just acted. I pulled her closer to me and just ignored her statement, guiding her through the front doors of Stark Tower and into the banquet hall.

Pepper's outdone herself, yet-a-fuckin-gain, I thought to myself upon entering. The banquet hall was well-decorated, which was expected because who can out prepare Pepper Potts-Stark, the correct answer is nobody. I looked around, trying to find a familiar face when one appeared right in front of me. Howard Stark himself.

"James, good to see you. And Ol-...," Howard started; however, upon seeing the woman on my arm his eyes narrowed in confusion, and maybe a hint of anger before he finished with, "you're not Olivia."

Anna's face flashed a number of emotions. I think I saw her go through the five stages of grief at Howard's statement. To avoid another awkward moment I went ahead and introduced Anna, "Howard, this is Anna Graves, my date for the evening. Anna, this is Howard Stark."

Anna perked up at the introduction an held her hand out to Howard, "it's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Stark! I've looked up to you since I was a child," she announced far too chipper for Howard's taste causing me to cringe.

Howard merely looked at her outstretched hand and cocked an eyebrow before responding with, "Mmhmm. Well. If you see Olivia, send her my direction. I've been looking for her all night," and promptly walking away. Anna's frown returned. A headache magically appeared. It's gonna be a long night. Where the fuck is Tony?

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Olivia's POV

Okay, Olivia. Breathe. Put on the fucking  purple dress already and breathe. That's all that had been going through my head for the last ten minutes.  The party had started twenty minutes ago, and luckily all I had to do was put on the dress and go downstairs. Pepper had already had someone come and do my hair and makeup, she had even helped me pick out this dress months ago just for tonight. A light purple floor length dress with a lace bodice and open back. It was beautiful. But fuck was I nervous. I knew he'd be there. It was his promotion party as much as it was Howard's retirement. For the last week I'd been toying with the idea of not going, but Tony told me that was out of the question. In fact his exact words were, "fuck that! You don't have to celebrate the Ice Man but you're damn sure gonna celebrate me!"

Taking a breath, I finally slipped into the dress just as a knock sounded at the door. "Come in!" I called, struggling to zip the dress the rest of the way. The door opened to reveal Steve, looking great as ever in a dark blue tux that seemed to deepen the blue in his eyes.

"What's cookin good lookin? You ready to go downstairs" he asked with his typical Steve Rogers smirk.

I turned around and gestured behind my back at the zipper, hoping he'd understand what I needed. He did. He always did. Steve Rogers could read all of his like it was his job. He stepped forward and helped zip my dress the rest of the way. I turned to face him and he just liked at me with a small, sad smile, "You look great, Livvie. Truly amazing. Now. Where's my hug? I don't get to see you every day anymore so the lack of Olivia Miller hugs in my life is making this shit miserable."

I rolled my eyes but wrapped my arm around Steve in a hug, warm tears pricking at my eyes from the mere proximity of my best friend. This hurt. Being away from Steve and Bucky felt like my heart was being stabbed with a million knives. But that's what Bucky wanted. So that's what he'd get.

"Alright my beautiful, wonderful, intelligent date. You ready to floor the whole of Stark Industries and their partners with your beauty?" Steve asked with a wink, holding his arm out for me to thread mine through. I huffed out a laugh and wiped lightly at my eyes before taking his arm and closing the door to the guest room behind me.

"Don't trip, Liv. Don't trip, Liv, don't tri-" I started muttering under my breath as Steve and I approached the stairs to the banquet hall causing Steve to chuckle and hold me tighter before whispering, "I promise you won't fall Livvie, and if you do I'll fall with you," as we began our descent into the shark tank.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bucky's POV

I'd managed to find Tony, Pepper and the rest of Stark Industries' stakeholders apparently. Anna grew bored of the conversation pretty early in and after a few minutes I excused the two of us to the bar to grab a drink, where the rest of my friends were located. Natasha sat on a stool with Sam's arm wrapped tight around her waist as he leaned to whisper something in her ear causing her to practically snort with laughter. Wanda and Vision were swaying lightly to the music, hell even Thor and Loki had made it out tonight. As I approached I heard Sam clear his throat, seemingly alerting our friends of my arrival. We hadn't talked much since that night out and it was clear that most of them were still pissed at me. Oh well. I took the opportunity to introduce Anna to the group, most of them faking politeness in their responses and not paying me a second look. That is until Thor walked up to me.

"Barnes! You're looking well tonight. Hello to you too, Barnes' date. Where is Steven? I thought he'd be coming with you?"

"He was right behind me when we left the apartment. He must have gotten held up in the paparazzi mines outside. I'm sure he'll be here in a minute." I murmured, taking a sip from the glass of whiskey that had been placed in front of me. Natasha opened her mouth, obviously about to say something, when her attention seemed to be caught by something behind me.

I watched her hit Sam, trying to get his attention as he hissed in response, "Jesus, Nat. What the hell is going on? Natasha just pointed past me to where I knew the main entrance stairs of the banquet hall were located, directing all the attention of our friends to that area too, half their eyes widening in wonder and the others' jaws dropping. It was eerily similar to a few weeks earlier. Slowly, I turned around to see what had captured their attention.

The whole room stopped. Any music and chattering disappeared. Anna was saying something but I could care less. Because descending the stairs with boy-next-door Steve Rogers, was Olivia Sage Miller. It had only been two weeks of not seeing her. But this moment? I knew I fucked up. I knew I fucked up two weeks ago but tonight I really fucked up. What the fuck am I doing here with Anna Graves? Why didn't I try harder to talk to Olivia. Fuck I love her. There's no way I'm over her. There's no way I'll ever be over her. Shit they're heading this way. Okay, maybe I can sneak away without her noticing m-, ah shit.

Her eyes caught mine. The fucking eyes that I haven't been able to get out of my head for the last nine years looked into mine with a pain that I could practically feel in my soul. But she wore the smile well. Anyone else would look at her and think she was the happiest person in the world. But Liv was never could at hiding how she felt. Her eyes always betrayed her. As they got closer, Natasha and Wanda pushed past me to meet Liv first. I could hear just a little bit of their conversation. If it wasn't for Anna elbowing me in the ribs I would've been able to listen to more.

"You look like you've seen a ghost, James, come. Dance with me," Anna said, tugging my hand to pull me towards the dance floor. I swallowed the rest of my whiskey, the alcohol burning its way down my throat as I reluctantly followed her to dance. I'll talk to her tonight. I'll make this right. I have to.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Olivia's POV

I was too busy being surrounded by Wanda and Natasha to notice Bucky and his date slinking off to the dance floor. By the time I did notice, Steve had placed a drink in my hand with a small smile.

"So, Liv. How's life been living with Tony?" Sam asked, but was immediately interrupted by Natasha elbowing him sharply. Sam seemed to realize what he was asking as soon as the words left his mouth but it didn't matter. I downed my drink before asking the bartender for another. I didn't want to get drunk tonight, but tipsy seemed good. Steve rubbed his hand up and down my back slowly, silently urging me to slow down.

I watched Bucky and his date, whom Natasha and Wanda told me is "named Anna and they've never seen her before in their lives and they have no clue what Bucky is doing thank you very much." I smiled weakly at them before taking another sip of my drink. As I turned away from the dance floor I felt Steve's hand slip away from my back and another arm slip smoothly around my waist to pull me into a hug.

"Hello, darling," Loki practically purred in my ear causing me to laugh and push him off. Loki and his constant flirtations were one of the normal things I could count on at any event.

"Get off, Odinson before you make me spill my drink on your Versace suit," I jokingly stated causing Loki to gasp and respond, "how dare you, this is Gucci!" all of our friends laughing loudly at his outburst but we all quickly recovered as Howard Stark made his way over to us.

"Olivia, it's lovely to see you. Would you like to join me for a brief dance?" Howard stated, pulling me in for a hug. I knew that I couldn't turn him down and agreed, after which he acknowledged the rest of my friends with a simple, "Anthony's friends," and a nod, quickly leading me to the dance floor.

Howard and I swayed lightly in time to the music. I could tell he wanted to say something before he even opened his mouth, his brows had long been drawn tight. "You look lovely tonight, Olivia. But I for one am astonished. Your date for the evening is Mr. Rogers and not Mr. Barnes, hmm?"

I was uncertain how to answer and thought about keeping my mouth shut until my eyes met Bucky's on the other side of the floor, Anna's head on his shoulder, her mouth moving like she was trying to talk to him but his attention was focused on me. "Mr. Barnes didn't seem to have any issues finding a date, Mr. Stark," I stated simply, forcing my eyes away from Bucky and to the older man.

Howard's eyes only narrowed more before he said, "Mr. Barnes, is not always a smart man. Because if he were, he'd have you on his arm and he'd never let go. I've seen the way he looks at you, and I've seen the way you look at him. That's love. And if he can't realize that, then maybe I should've rethought giving him the Vice Presidency," he added that last part with a wink before letting go of my waist and hand as the music ended.

"Thank you for the dance, Ms. Miller. You were as lovely as ever, it's time for me to make an announcement an ultimately change the future of Stark Industries forever. Hopefully, you and James will find it in your hearts to talk this through. I think it will do you both some good," Howard stated plainly as he headed towards the stage, leaving me bewildered by his parting statement on the floor.

In a daze I moved back to the bar where my friends were as I heard Howard welcome everyone to his retirement party. I barely paid attention through the entire speech and it wasn't until the room erupted into cheers and clapping that I realized he had officially named Tony and Bucky as the new heads of the corporation, the two men joining him on stage.

"I've got to go," I whispered to Steve, the tears from earlier in the evening resurfacing in my eyes. I was proud of Bucky, of course I was. He'd worked so hard to make it this far.  But I needed to get out of here. As the cheers wound down and people approached Howard, Tony and Bucky, I started to excuse myself from our friends.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bucky's POV

"Hey, Elsa. You want to talk to Olivia alone without Ms. Legs hanging all over you? Now's your chance," Tony hissed into my ear, a fake smile on his face as he continued his conversation with the other stakeholders. I looked in the direction of the bar where the rest of my friends were and saw Olivia ascending the stairs. I excused myself and offered my apologies as I moved past the fancy pants people and made my way behind Olivia up the stairs.

"Liv! Wait!" I spoke, my voice causing her to stop in her tracks as I tried to catch my breath from the impromptu run. I watched her shoulders heave as she took in a deep breath and turned around to face me.

A pregnant silence engulfed the space. Tension so thick you could cut it with a spoon. Olivia looked at me with a look on her face that practically told me to either continue or let her be. I opened my mouth to speak, but suddenly realized I didn't know what to say. What could I possibly say to my best friend, that I haven't seen or talked to in two weeks because of my big mouth?

"James, are you going to keep standing there looking like a fish? Or can I leave," Olivia asked quietly, shifting her weight anxiously as the tension surrounding us only seemed to grow. Her voice snapped me out of my nervous state.

"Liv, can we talk..." I started but was interrupted by her huffing out a disbelieving scoff.

"Talk? What could you possibly want to talk about, Barnes? About how you humiliated me in front of all our friends? How about how you've lied to me for the last nine years and called me your "best friend" just for that to be a lie? No, I don't think we should talk," she hissed and started walking away from me again.

I jogged to catch up and catch her by the arm to stop her from leaving, "Olivia you have to believe me. None of what I said was true. I was just getting tired of everyone picking on me and saying that I liked you. It was embarrassing me," I started saying before realizing that wasn't actually helping the situation. If anything it seemed to turn the look on her face from one of disbelief to one of hurt. Fuck. Shit, backpedal Barnes, fucking backpedal!

I opened my mouth to correct my statement but Olivia was faster, she held her hand up and spoke, "so the concept of you possibly liking me is so laughable and embarrassing that you felt the need to stand up for yourself like that in front of our friends? Our friends who joke on everybody, all the time. Those friends?" she asked with a crook of her head causing me to shake mine in return.

"No, Livvie, honey you've got to believe me! Everything I said was a lie! I care about yo-,"

"If you cared about me then why did you ignore me?" she asked, her voice raising slightly.

"Steve told me to give you space, and I tried calling you after realizing maybe I had let it be for too long..." I tried saying but was interrupted again.

"Oh Steve, got it. Sure blame, Rogers. You're the one that says you care yet you show up here tonight with Ms. Legs-For-Days, acting all lovey dovey and hot-shit and you can't even say hello to me? Jesus, Bucky if you really cared why would you have said any of those things in the first place. You know what, don't answer that. I need to get out of here," Olivia said, taking my stunned reaction to her outburst to pull her arm out of my limp grasp easily and begin to walk away.

Before I knew what I was doing I was chasing after her yet again and pulling her to a stop, her head whipping around, a clear look of annoyance on her face, her brow raised. This was it. This was my chance. Before I knew it I was rambling.

"Olivia Sage Miller, I care about you more than I have ever cared for anyone or anything in my life. You have to believe me, I never meant those words I said that night. I wasn't embarrassed about what they were insinuating, I was embarrassed because I had never said it out loud. Olivia, I have loved you since the day you walked into Tony Stark's fucking penthouse apartment and I have never once stopped." The words were out of my mouth before I even realized what I was saying. Olivia's mouth dropped open at my sudden declaration, causing me to register what I had just said. But I couldn't back out now. I was in too deep. "Liv, I would lasso the universe for you if you asked me to. I have been so lucky to have your friendship and to just have you in my life. You make every waking moment better. And while this isn't exactly how I planned on telling you, I mean it. Every word. I love you."

Olivia continued to stare. Her eyes wider than I had ever seen them, I could practically see the tears starting to form. But she never said a word. Embarrassed by my actions, I excused myself and headed down the stairs back to the bar to finish my drink and get out of here. I said a quick goodbye to my friends, Tony had joined them and he looked confused at the mad dash I was trying to make out of the party. I pushed past Anna on my way to the front door.

"Where are you going?" she called from behind me.

"Home," I replied easily, texting my driver to pick me up.

Anna's lips turned up into a mischievous smirk, obviously misreading the situation, "do I get an invitation," you spoke lowly and in what was probably a seductive tone.

"...No?" I half-answered, half-questioned. What the fuck is taking Richard so long to bring the car around.

Her face fell, anger quickly replacing her downtrodden features, "you drove me here, Barnes! How am I supposed to get home now!?" she questioned incredulously just as Richard pulled the car up for me to get in.

I turned to her as Richard opened the door, shrugged and simply stated, "call a cab?" shutting the door behind me and waiting on Richard to leave.

Anna yelled out me from outside the car as Richard drove me back to my place, probably calling me every name in the book but at this point I didn't care. I'd lost the love of my life. There was an Olivia Miller sized hole in my chest that Anna Graves would never be able to fill.

Upon arriving at my place, I thanked Richard and sent him home for the evening. Taking off my tux jacket as I entered the apartment. I immediately pour myself a glass of whiskey and sat at the couch, reliving the moment with Liv from earlier. Downing the rest of my first glass I got up to pour another when a knock sounded at the front door.

My eyebrows quirked up in confusion, all our friends had keys and wouldn't bother with knocking. Fuck I hope it's not Anna. I knew I should've picked her up at her place instead of having her meet me here. Now she knows where I live... I thought to myself as I slowly walked to the front door, only for the knocking to become more hurried and loud.

"Alright, alright. Hold onto your fuckin panties, I'm he-," my sentence cut off when the door opened to reveal Olivia Miller, teary eyed and flushed from running up the stairs, on my doorstep.

"Bucky. Say it again."

#bucky barnes x oc #bucky barnes x original female character #bucky barnes is a dummy #roommate!bucky #james bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes #ceo!bucky

[nightraiderwrites]

Hello! 19, 41 and 77 for the ask game?

19. What is the most used tag on your ao3?

Angst.

41. Do you tend to reread first or are you a one-and-done kind of person?

Fics are, above all, written for me. So yes, I do go back and reread my fics. I read them in the car, on the bus, pretty much everywhere. Because they're written for me, something they're the only thing that hits the spot.

77. Do you have a favorite scene you've written from [Fanfic Name] story/chapter?

You didn't specify a fic, so I'll do my favorite scene to write in All the World's a stage.

In chapter 9, right at the very end, BigB talks to both Pearl and Grian about each other.

It's a very emotional and necessary scene, where they confess to a man who knows them very well, that they feel like they should have done better. Both of them feel a disconnect to their sibling, as a result of the trauma and separation they went through as children.

All the World's a Stage is a fic that deals with big heavy topics that I wouldn't normally be able to talk about. Grief, obviously, is one of them, but self isolation and alienation is also there.

Pearl is a character that is very, very alone. Aside from BigB, she's not on fantastic terms with anyone in the town. She's estranged from her brother, and has had pretty strong disagreements with most of the people. As a child, she witnessed the death of her parents, and immediately after, was sent to complete the "Desert Wandering," a process where children who have the talent of illusion magic go out on their own to hone their skills.

As a result, she had to grow up very quickly, very independently. The closest relationship she had immediately after deserting the army was with Scott, and their first encounter was her trying to kill him (fic coming soon!!!!). After that, it was BigB, who took care of her after Scott blew her up.

Grian hasn't really seen his sister since she deserted the army. He's in this really weird place of "I should have done better" and "I was only six." It's fascinating to me how he barely has any memories of her, and yet he still loves her. He still understands.

They don't have a conventional sibling relationship. For the time they spent in the Vale, they both had a fear of reconnection. This stems from Pearl's fear of connection and tendencies to self isolate, and Grian’s fear that his sister had completely forgotten him.

This is why this scene is so, so important. It's a moment of indirect connection, through a man, acting as their bridge, who knows them well. It allows this moment of vulnerability in a place where they might die, so need this connection.

#nightraider talks #fic: atwas

[drowningbydegrees-fanworks]

In This Life or Any Other - Chapter 10

FIC RATING: E WORD COUNT: 68,712 (total) RELATIONSHIPS: Lan Wangji/Wei Wuxian WARNINGS: Graphic Depictions of Violence TAGS: Eventual Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Canon-Typical Violence, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Trauma, Politics, Intrigue, BAMF Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn, Angst and Humor, Additional warnings/tags in chapters as needed

SUMMARY: When his reconnaissance mission makes it clear that the Qishan army is marching on Cloud Recesses, Wei Wuxian knows they don’t stand a chance on their own. He reports in requesting military support, but instead of the backup he hoped for, all Wei Wuxian gets is an order to return home. He doesn’t actually know anyone from Gusu, really, but they’re still people. With destruction inevitable and every kingdom turning a blind eye, Wei Wuxian makes a choice. The only choice, as far as he’s concerned. If no help is coming, Wei Wuxian will just have to save them himself. Fooling Wen Ruohan’s soldiers into arresting him so he can stage a prison break? That’s definitely on purpose. Setting events in motion that could reshape the world as they know it? That… might have been an accident. Read on AO3

The potential ambush Wei Ying had fretted over doesn’t come. Not when Lan Wangji steps through the portal into a sheltered place at the foot of the mountain with only birdsong to greet him. Not when he ascends the stairs that wind their way through the trees, swept free of debris as if nothing at all has changed.

With each step it feels as if he sheds a little more of the last few weeks, leaving the tumult further and further behind him. It’s a shame there’s no time to enjoy the change in scenery, but the news he’s bearing is too urgent for any delay. Ignoring the urge to linger, Lan Wangji hurries up the steps as briskly as respect for the rules will allow.

Cloud Recesses itself is no less peaceful when he arrives, at first glance. Rain has washed away much of the ash and only the barren places where homes should be give any indication that a nightmare swept through. There are no burned out shells of buildings or dead trees.There are no bloodstains where bodies fell.

And yet, Lan Wangji’s heart aches taking it all in. Every terrible detail is in the absence, in the empty spaces where he has always found some sign of life before. The nightmare he was dragged from so many weeks ago is swept away, but how much of his home went with it?

Lan Wangji shakes his head, as if to dislodge what grief has taken root. There’s a purpose to coming home, and if Wen Chao means to attack them, he’s hardly going to wait on Lan Wangji to remember it. With one last look at the remains of Cloud Recesses, Lan Wangji turns on his heel and heads for the palace.

---

Wei Ying would be appalled, Lan Wangji is certain, by what suffices for a reunion around here. There’s no shortage of affection between Lan Wangji and his uncle, but neither of them has ever been very tactile, and the news he carries is far more urgent than his safe return. It’s not until Lan Wangji has relayed everything that might matter if Wen Chao is marching an army this way before Lan Qiren turns the conversation to a more personal angle.

“It’s good to have you home, Wangji. When Shao Zhenzhen said you ordered them to leave you behind on your own, I feared the worst.” Though there’s little in Lan Qiren’s tone to give away any depth of emotion, Lan Wangji still flinches inwardly. There’s an empty space where his brother should be to illustrate how intimately Lan Wangji is acquainted with the awfulness of not knowing.

“I wasn’t alone,” Lan Wangji offers. As a leader he feels no need to justify the decision, but as a nephew he finds himself wanting to offer at least some sort of reassurance.

“She mentioned that as well.” Lan Qiren’s mouth thins in disapproval, but forges on before Lan Wangji can decide if it’s directed at him in particular. “Shao Zhenzhen’s report spoke of a young man who acted inappropriately familiar with you.”

That’s… certainly one way to put it. It’s only been days since their escape, but so much has happened since then and Lan Wangji finds himself skipping right past any of the things Shao Zhenzhen might reasonably have meant. She never saw how easily Wei Ying slides into Lan Wangji’s space like he has every reason to be there. She can’t possibly know how smoothly endearments tumble off his lips, so full of warmth that even now Lan Wangji isn’t entirely sure where their ruse ended and the truth began. She has no idea how normal it felt to wake up with Wei Ying pressed close, face squished against his shoulder.

It’s for the best, probably, that Lan Qiren interrupts Lan Wangji’s thoughts before he can dwell any further on the unexpected feeling of absence Wei Ying’s departure has created. “The circumstances do not excuse arguing with a direct order.”

Oh. That.

“Leave me.”

It wasn’t a pleasant option, but it was the best one they had, the one his people were most likely to survive. No matter how unpleasant, everyone prepared to obey.

Everyone, that is, except for Wei Ying, who had not the slightest interest in doing as he was told. “We’re not doing that.”

So, that had admittedly happened, but on the list of shameless things Wei Ying has done since they met, there are so many more dramatic examples that a bit of defiance in Lan Wangji’s best interests is scarcely worth taking note of. “It was to our benefit that he did so.”

“That’s hardly the point. It’s the utter lack of decorum he exhibited in the process.” The rigidity of Lan Qiren’s argument is oddly comforting. It’s a reminder that he’s back in familiar territory, proof that he’s home. Still, the idea of his uncle disliking Wei Ying without the two of them even meeting prickles uncomfortably under Lan Wangji’s breastbone.

“Wei Wuxian didn’t know who I was at the time,” he explains, because it’s something true that can be said in Wei Ying’s defense. If the entirety of the truth is that Wei Ying didn’t know, but that knowing wouldn’t have made any difference, Lan Wangji doesn’t mention that part.

“Jiang Fengmian’s ward?” Lan Qiren’s voice betrays nothing, but the corners of his mouth pinch. “How did he get caught up in all of this?”

“Intentionally. It was Wei Wuxian who warned us Wen Xu’s army was headed here. He tried to secure additional assistance on our behalf, but the other kingdoms turned down his request. He chose to help anyway, posing as one of our mages, breaking into the place we had been taken, and allowing himself to be taken prisoner.” It sounds no less absurd saying it out loud right now than it did the day they met, but the thought crosses Lan Wangji’s mind with far more warmth than he’d have ever expected it to merit.

The sentiment doesn’t look to be one Lan Qiren shares. His scowl suggests a clear distaste for the idea of Wei Wuxian pretending to be one of them, or something. It’s definitely the ‘or something’, as it turns out. “What does he stand to gain from getting involved?”

“A clean conscience.” The answer comes with more immediacy than Lan Wangji might have expected, though he speaks a little more sharply than he means to. It really is a fair question, one Lan Wangji has only recently stopped asking. On the cusp of war and learning that the best they can hope for from their neighbors is a blind eye, it would be foolish to take anything at face value. Everyone has an angle. Without knowing Wei Ying, it would be all too easy to distill him down to a few baffling life choices and come to entirely the wrong conclusion about who he is. It would be difficult to recognize that what suffices for motive where Wei Ying is concerned is a stubborn determination to do the right thing.

So, yes it’s understandable. He knows that, but Lan Wangji still takes umbrage at what the question insinuates. The lengths Wei Ying went to for them, even when they were strangers, are too much to do justice to in the way Lan Wangji would wish. He’s never been one to clutter up a conversation, so he does not speak of the violence Wei Ying drew to himself for their sake, or the way he’d clearly intended to sacrifice himself to allow them to escape. Instead, Lan Wangji distills everything to the single most important point. “Everyone who came home did so because of Wei Ying.”

“I see,” Lan Qiren says, and maybe he does because, aside from the disgruntled huff of breath he lets out, there’s no further complaint about Wei Ying. There’s nothing at all, in fact. Not until Lan Wangji means to leave.

“Wangji,” Lan Qiren calls after him just as Lan Wangji reaches the door. It’s not quite a smile that greets him when he turns back, but his uncle’s expression softens around the edges. “Welcome back.”

---

The world beyond their mountain might be a mess of unknowns, but in the confines of Cloud Recesses, Lan Wangji takes refuge in a latticework of familiar expectations. There’s simplicity in having at least the broad strokes of a well worn routine, and it carries him through a day of bolstering defenses and mending broken things. Despite weeks of meals at the mercy of Wen Chao’s whims, muscle memory takes him to dinner right on time. And though sleep has been erratic at best since he was first dragged away from Cloud Recesses, Lan Wangji still finds himself heading for his own quarters shortly before curfew.

For all the relief of pushing the door to his room open and finding the room intact, guilt creeps in around the edges too. Lan Wangji’s tendency to keep to himself means he’s far from any easily accessible entrance, which is perhaps why it was spared. The majority of Cloud Recesses is in shambles, but this space, from the neatly made bed to the book he had been halfway through reading, is utterly untouched.

Guilt serves no purpose and so he tries to set it aside as he readies himself for bed. Those routines are still well worn enough to drift back to without much conscious thought, all but the lotus pin which he lingers over longer than he’d prefer to admit. He drags his thumb over the cool, smooth jade, admiring the careful craftsmanship despite how worn the pin is. Only now, it’s not just a pretty bauble. It’s a tether that would be so easy to pull on.

He’d like to say that good manners are what conquer the impulse to do just that. Lan Wangji doubts it would be exactly unwelcome, but Wei Ying hadn’t actually invited further contact. Though it’s reasonable to check in and perhaps compare notes, it would be unkind to pull Wei Ying away from a family he has surely missed in the process.

But the pin itself is what stops him from trying. He turns it over in his hand, studying the tarnished metal and the slight chip in the back of one of the petals, neither of which mean anything on their own. Despite the common misconception on the matter, an item need not be valuable to serve as a focus for a communication spell. It must, however, be meaningful. For all Wei Ying’s joking on the matter, Lan Wangji can’t really be sure that it is.

Far worse than the quiet of Wei Ying’s absence is the prospect of that silence becoming a rejection, being trapped with the evidence while trying to sleep. In truth, it’s mostly self preservation that makes Lan Wangji set the pin aside. Tomorrow, he’ll have the choice to flee if the answer is a painful one. Tomorrow, there will be more to distract him than the pressing need for sleep.

And so sleep he does, after a fashion. The peace he once cherished seems unusual now, devoid of even the gentle cadence of someone else’s breathing. How inconvenient that the one part of himself that no longer fits so neatly is the detail he has the least agency over. The preference for solitude feels short-sighted now, lacking in a way it’s never been. It might be minutes, but it feels like hours before the urge to look for someone who won’t be there begins to pass.

Thankfully, the uneasiness doesn’t follow Lan Wangji into slumber. When he dreams, it’s not of cold sheets and silence. It’s not of smoke or pain or unfamiliar places. It’s of a smile like sunlight, of fingers threaded between his, of a steady heartbeat under his palm promising not alone, not alone, not alone.

---

Far too late, he comes to regret being so cautious with his own feelings, because the tomorrow Lan Wangji had planned for never arrives. Though dawn is a peaceful affair, duty keeps Lan Wangji busy for much of the day. By the time he finds a moment he can justify taking for himself, it no longer matters.

“We have a visitor,” the guards tell him, an agonizing understatement if there ever was one. At first, Lan Wangji isn’t entirely sure what he’s looking at. The disheveled figure that emerges, soaked through and swathed in purple, sways ever so slightly on his feet, as if dizzy. Lan Wangji thinks the question was preferable to the clarity left behind when the visitor lifts their head to look at him. Even before the man opens his mouth, Lan Wangji’s stomach lurches, anticipating what Jiang Wanyin’s solitary presence must mean.

They had known, he and Wei Ying, that one of them would likely be facing down calamity, but there’s knowing in the abstract and then there’s being confronted with the evidence. At the time, acknowledging Wei Ying’s penchant for wriggling out of impossible situations had offered some measure of comfort, but there’s none now. Not if Jiang Cheng is standing in front of him alone.

“I apologize for showing up unannounced. Lotus Pier has fallen and I was… sent here,” Jiang Wanyin explains, not that Lan Wangji really hears it over the static in his own head.

“Where is Wei Ying?” There are a dozen more politically important questions, probably, but there isn’t a single one more important to Lan Wangji.

“On his way, I hope. He promised. He-” Jiang Wanyin stops abruptly, as if suddenly realizing that the question is a strange one. Confusion scrunches his features before abruptly smoothing out when Jiang Wanyin’s gaze settles on Lan Wangji’s hair. “Wait. Are you Lan Zhan?”

Lan Wangji lifts his hand in response to Jiang Wanyin’s gaze, his fingers settling on the hairpin. “It is my birth name.”

“Your- Wei Wuxian,” Jiang Wanyin mutters under his breath. “I apologize. I don’t know why he’s like this. That’s rude, even for him.”

It’s not improper that Jiang Wanyin would apologize for what he must perceive as terrible impropriety on Wei Ying’s part. Knowing that does not mollify Lan Wangji in the slightest, offended as he is that the closest thing Wei Ying has to family would jump to the worst conclusion without even asking. Only as polite as etiquette explicitly demands, he replies. “No need. If I take issue with Wei Ying’s sense of decorum, I will resolve it with him directly.”

Jiang Wanyin snorts inelegantly. “Have you met my… wait. What did you call him? I don’t believe this.”

Lan Wangji doesn’t bother to point out that he’d already said it once. Besides, he cares very little about whatever conclusion Jiang Wanyin has jumped to about it. There are far more pressing matters than whatever it is Lan Wangji’s current company is so up in arms about. “What happened to Wei Ying?”

“I don’t know! We-” Jiang Wanyin makes a distressed, inarticulate sound and shakes his head. “We got separated.”

There is a wide, wide variance in what those three words could mean. They could have been separated on the battlefield. They could have escaped successfully only to part ways after. There’s a rule about not making assumptions that Lan Wangji usually follows as carefully as all the others, but this is Wei Ying. “You lost him?”

“No. When we heard Wen Chao’s men coming, he-” Jiang Wanyin cuts off, but from there, Lan Wangji suspects he could fill in the blanks. He’s all too familiar with the way Wei Ying operates when someone else’s wellbeing is on the line. “It doesn’t matter what happened.”

“Doesn’t matter?” Lan Wangji bristles without really meaning to. Wei Ying has always spoken fondly of Jiang Wanyin, and he’s never had much occasion to get to know the heir of Yunmeng otherwise, but he finds no real impetus to be charitable in his assessment of anyone who would say that Wei Ying’s absence doesn’t matter.

“No. The reason he isn’t with me doesn’t change anything. What matters is that he’s not here. I’m not really sure he ever planned to be.” It’s an oddly vulnerable thing, the way Jiang Wanyin scrubs a hand over his face, briefly exposing his own distress. That his worry for Wei Ying is almost immediately shoved under a scowling veneer doesn’t make it any less real. “That idiot…”

In spite of himself, Lan Wangji reassesses as he listens. Perhaps they’ll get along just fine.

---

The story Jiang Wanyin tells is… precisely what Lan Wangji would expect out of Wei Ying, but unfortunately that’s far from reassuring. There’s no telling how long Wei Ying’s array knocked Jiang Wanyin out for, and every moment they wait, the chances of successfully retrieving him diminish.

So Lan Wangji doesn’t wait.

“Where are you going?” Jiang Wanyin demands as Lan Wangji begins coaxing a portal to life.

“To find Wei Ying.” It could be reckless if Wen Chao is using Wei Ying to bait them into a trap, but if it’s that or leaving Wei Ying to whatever fate has in store, there’s no debate to be had.

Jiang Wanyin shakes his head but makes no move to stop Lan Wangji. At first glance, he seems annoyed, but his voice cracks on the vague protest he offers. “We don’t even know if he’s there.”

“We don’t know that he’s not.” In truth, Lan Wangji doesn’t hold out a great deal of hope that Wei Ying will be where Jiang Wanyin last saw him, but it’s the only lead they have.

“Shouldn’t you tell someone? Don’t you have respons-” Jiang Wanyin must see something in Lan Wangji’s expression, because he doesn’t finish the thought. Shaking his head, he gestures at the portal, ripples smoothing out to reveal a small village. “You know what? Not my business.”

To Lan Wangji’s relief, Jiang Wanyin doesn’t wait for a reply before stepping through the portal.

Nothing about the sight that greets him on the other side soothes any of Lan Wangji's concerns. Despite the sluggish drizzle overhead, signs of a struggle remain, the only evidence Wei Ying was ever here at all. The muddy road is no longer as smooth as it should be, water pooling in the divots of something being dragged.

The few villagers who will talk to them insist that it isn't Wei Ying's, that despite being hopelessly outnumbered, he took down a number of Wen Chao's men before they managed to subdue him. It's not the comfort Lan Wangji wishes it were. Not when it clearly wasn't enough. Not when Wei Ying isn't here, and the only thing anyone can tell Lan Wangji about him being captured was that he was in terrible shape, a ragdoll between the soldiers hauling him away.

The trail cools more with each passing moment, but there’s nothing to grasp at for a sense of direction, and too many awful possibilities for two people to follow. The only hope left is… Wei Ying himself.

“We could try to reach him,” Lan Wangji suggests, though there’s little chance of it working.

Jiang Wanyin, Lan Wangji is finding, is not a subtle person. Not when irritation wrinkles the space between his brows. Not when his whole body tenses with a fury Lan Wangji also feels but can barely allow himself to acknowledge. And not now, wide eyed and tragically bereft. “We left everything behind. I don’t have anything of his.”

The reasons Lan Wangji had hesitated to try last night are meaningless now. He reaches up, paying little attention to the way Jiang Wanyin’s gaze follows the motion, and plucks the lotus pin from his hair. “But I do.”

---

Making a spectacle of themselves won’t make the spell any more likely to succeed. They return to Cloud Recesses as abruptly as they’d left, out of the rain and into the quiet of Lan Wangji’s quarters.

A creature of habit, Lan Wangji seats himself on the floor, like the polished wood can somehow grant him stability. He’s been holding the pin so tightly that the petals are digging into the palm of his hand, leaving imprints behind when Lan Wangji uncurls his fingers enough to loosen his grip. There are any number of ways this might fail, but he stubbornly puts them out of his mind for the time being. Maybe, just maybe, it won’t fail at all.

Carefully cradling the hairpin in his open palms, Lan Wangji casts the spell. The magic extends itself like vines spreading out into the ether in search of their target. It reaches and reaches and reaches as Lan Wangji pours himself into it, long past what’s reasonable, beyond the point where it becomes clear there’s nothing at the other end.

Until there is. Maybe. For just a second, so fast that Lan Wangji might have imagined it, the spell catches on something. It doesn’t last even long enough to be certain it was real before the spell collapses, abruptly fizzling out to nothing.

“Well?” Jiang Wanyin hovers, impatiently, at his shoulder. He’s… overwhelming, not entirely different from Wei Ying in that sense, but there the resemblance ends. Wei Ying is inescapable the way sunlight is, not only for the smile that rarely leaves his face for long, but for all that he is. He’s a brightness that refuses to be shut out by curtains or doors, a source of heat when all the world is freezing.

The heir of Yunmeng is more akin to a threatening storm cloud, waiting for the slightest change in circumstances to come pouring down. He’s not certain how to breathe around the space Jiang Wanyin’s frustration takes up. They’re both here for the same reason though, so Lan Wangji finds a way, shaking his head minutely.

“Something went wrong, then,” Jiang Wanyin insists, just shy of a snarl. “I’ll do it.”

There’s a more likely explanation that sits like an anchor between them. The message might have failed because there’s no one at the other end to receive it. Wei Ying could be incapacitated… or worse. These aren’t possibilities that Lan Wangji is willing to consider at present, so he casts about for something, anything else. Thumbing at the delicately carved lotus petals, he ventures, “Perhaps this is not a personal enough item to be adequate for the spell.”

Jiang Wanyin’s expression sours. They’ve spent mere hours in each other’s company and already it’s a familiar thing. “I don’t see how. It doesn’t get all that much more personal.”

“More personal than… putting on a dress and playing at being a courtesan?” Lan Wangji finds himself asking. Truth be told, Wei Wuxian never had bothered to explain why. Maybe he’s missed something.

Or maybe not, if the spluttering sound Jiang Wanyin makes is anything to go by. “Is… Is that what he told you?”

Something about Jiang Wanyin’s tone grates on him, so Lan Wangji turns his attention back to the pin, tracing the edges of it. “Yes.”

“And you believed him?”

It’s hard to be sure whether Jiang Wanyin is insinuating that he’s naive or that Wei Ying is untrustworthy, but Lan Wangji doesn’t particularly appreciate either possibility. “It was not incongruent with what I know of him.”

That, at least, seems to give Jiang Wanyin pause. He huffs quietly, the only quiet thing Lan Wangji has seen him do, and shakes his head. “No. No, I guess it wouldn’t be.”

Silence stretches out between them. It’s almost, but not quite comfortable, like a pair of shoes a size too big. Lan Wangji is in no hurry to fill it, wouldn’t know what to take up that space with anyway.

“Well?” Jiang Wanyin seems to have no such reservations about forcing a conversation, and it’s not… Well, Lan Wangji isn’t eager to talk, but his silence isn’t pettiness. He has no idea what Jiang Wanyin is on about, or why it comes with such an overwrought scowl.

He’s generally better served by saying nothing than by saying the wrong thing, so Lan Wangji looks up, but does not respond.

“Are you gonna ask or does the staring business actually accomplish something?” He hadn’t thought it was possible for Jiang Wanyin’s expression to darken any further, but there it goes. Lan Wangji has never spoken to him under peaceful circumstances, and wonders if he’s always like this, or if it’s just how he expresses his distress. In fairness, there’s plenty of distress to go around.

The truth, then. Supposedly. And Lan Wangji does want to know. Of course he wants to know, but if it was a lie, Wei Ying might well have had a reason.

“Ugh. Fine.” Jiang Wanyin doesn’t give Lan Wangji a chance to decide whether to pursue the truth or not. “There was… actually, I never did get a straight answer about what kind of creature it was. Just that it was beyond our borders. Not our problem. But Jin Guanshan hadn’t addressed it and Aphetto hadn’t addressed it, and I mean, you can probably guess where this is going.”

He does know that much. There’s only one conclusion Wei Ying would have come to. “So he addressed it.”

“So my idiot brother went after it because he’s incapable of ever just leaving things alone. He killed it, but he got himself knocked around so much in the process it almost killed him too. Not that he bothered to tell anyone. I only know because he disappeared for weeks and he was still more bandage than person when I found him.” There’s still a knife edge to Jiang Wanyin’s voice, but it’s gone a little bit softer speaking of Wei Ying. “He didn’t even have the sense to let them pay him for his trouble, but I guess the woman who got him back on his feet managed to tuck that away in his sleeve or something and he didn’t realize until he got home.”

Lan Wangji swallows around nothing, unsure what to think. “Why give it to me, then?”

“Why does Wei Wuxian do anything? I don’t know. I don’t think he even knows half the time,” Jiang Wanyin complains, shaking his head. “He always keeps it on him, though. He says it’s a reminder.”

“A reminder…” The hairpin seems all the more precious knowing where it came from and Lan Wangji stares at it, memorizing the striations in the lavender stone. “Of what?”

For the first time, Jiang Wanyin’s expression falters, the ambient sense of irritation that usually lives there receding in favor of something else. It’s softer, human in a way Lan Wangji had mostly expected him to sidestep. “That helping people is always worth it, no matter what it costs.”

The sentiment sounds exactly like the Wei Ying who tricked soldiers into imprisoning him just so he could help a bunch of strangers.

Lan Wangji can only hope that the price this time wasn’t Wei Ying’s life.

XXX

If someone had asked Wei Wuxian yesterday what preconceived notions he had about death, he would have said none and wholeheartedly believed it. For as much time as he has spent doing things that he would freely acknowledge were likely to end in it, he's rarely considered what it means.

At least that's what he'd thought. Only, like many experiences, the chasm between concept and reality is enormous. In this moment, caught in the vice grip of his own demise, it turns out that Wei Wuxian has brought a number of assumptions with him where death is concerned.

For instance, he didn't expect it would hurt so much.

Oh sure, the dying part being awful was a given. There's no particularly peaceful way to be impaled on your own weapon and tossed off a cliff. It's just the after part that perplexes him. Wei Wuxian slowly blinks his eyes open, vision blurry, still keenly aware that he’s sporting wounds he cannot hope to have survived, and the first thing he notices is the pain.

For a few long, torturous seconds, Wei Wuxian doesn't move at all, bitterly taking inventory of what still hurts without any contribution on his part, which is... pretty much everything. If this is the rest of his existence, carrying the echoes of what killed him for eternity, he's going to be incredibly cross. With prospects like that, it's no wonder that lingering spirits seem to lose all sense of their humanity.

Long moments and a great deal of blinking later, his vision begins to clear. For all the good it does him. The sky overhead looks just about the same, a bleak, gray cast to everything that mutes the sunlight before it ever reaches him. If Wei Wuxian hadn't already planned to escape and repay Wen Chao for all of this, the sense of desolation that sweeps over him here might drive him to.

Though he's loath to move and see how extensive the damage really is, he can't lay here forever. Okay, he could, but it sounds even worse then, well, not doing that. Wei Wuxian heaves a sigh as he tries to sit up, and as caught up as he is in the coughing fit that follows, it takes an embarrassingly long time to recognize an important detail he has overlooked.

He's breathing. Wei Wuxian thinks he could probably be forgiven for taking so long to notice, given how ordinary and vital that is for people. Living people, that is. That he's doing it isn't ordinary at all. Probably. It's not as if he's got a whole lot of experience with being deceased to draw from.

He hadn't gotten very far in this whole sitting up business the first time, so Wei Wuxian rolls over onto his stomach to try again. Every inch of him protests the movement, emphatically so, but with gritted teeth and more effort than anything so simple should take, he manages to lever himself onto his hands and knees. When he sits back on his haunches, the whole world sways so violently Wei Wuxian covers his mouth against the urge to be sick, and standing is a completely insurmountable prospect, but at least he's upright.

Upright. And… breathing, with all the dust and stale air that entails. Blood still darkens the dirt and dessicated foliage around him. It still stains his hands, brown and crusted over where it’s collected in the lines of his palms. And yet careful prodding at the rip in the front of his shirt reveals, not a gaping hole, but a wound beginning to heal. It looks like days have passed rather than hours.

And when he drops the ruined fabric to press two shaky fingers to his through beneath his jaw, there's something else. Soft, but unmistakable, his own pulse thuds under the pads of Wei Wuxian’s fingertips, a quiet insistence of the impossible.

Perhaps he’s not dead after all. At least, not yet.

If only he could believe it’s a gift. The shadows move strangely at the periphery of his vision. There are sounds he can’t identify, promising that he’s not alone in the very worst of ways. There’s no food, no water, no safe place to hide from whatever is toying with him.

Taking in the wasteland that surrounds him, Wei Wuxian can’t help but think he’s only managed to trade a quick death for a slow and agonizing one.

#the untamed #mdzs #wangxian #theuntameddaily #mdzsnet #my fic

[notasiren21]

It'd be interesting to see phantom!luka

(WIP spoiler under line)

So this one is angst filled and somewhat modern age mixed with like not modern age. It differs from what the actual story of Phantom of the Opera is because I wanted to do something inspired but original, and also something that I felt both characters could easily fit into.

So to summarize the characters:

Luka- sole survivor of the Couffaine Theatre incident that took the lives of his mother and sister. His father is still famous but unaware his son is still alive and has also been suffering in grief. He was scarred and went from being a shy yet handsome teenage boy that captured the audience while on stage to a 23 year old young man that lives with survivor’s guilt and distrust to the majority. He’s embodied the flames of the theatre by having Master Fu (a wandering soul that lives to lend a helping hand) tattoo black smoke over his scars that are sporadic across his body. One of his eyes is partially blind with vision of looking through a cloudy haze in it from the incident. He sees himself as a monster when he’s nothing of the sort and finds Marinette to be an angel. He believes himself to be a creature of the night with a mask and secrets.

Marinette- a 21 year old looking for her art to mean something when she comes back from studying abroad and decides to restore Couffaine Theatre- a place she fell in love with as a child and that gave way to her seeing her first crush ever on stage. Being one of the youngest and most successful designers to Gabriel Agreste, she has the funds to kickstart the project to try bringing her idea to fruition. Her only issues is how the son of Agreste, infamous playboy and entrepreneur, Adrien, works his way into her head and makes her swoon for his flirtations, only to realize she’d rather throttle him every time he leaves. She’s often seen as a push over by her friends and those supposedly close to her. She finds Luka living like a creature in the shadows of his pain and grief and brings him into her world to help restore his family’s legacy so he can move on from his pain- unaware she’d fall for him a second time.

Phantom!Luka

——————————————————————————

“They all just use you, no?” The hand that slips forth to hold her chin makes her nerves quake.

Agreste had done the same just recently, before he left her and she snuck her way down to the abyss of the theatre once more.

Luka’s hand stays on her: a gentle feel that sweeps up to tuck some hair behind her ear. There’s care and adoration in his touch, in his gaze. For the briefest of moments, she wonders why she lets herself get swept up in how Agreste regards her when the phantom of the abandoned theatre is far more invested and kind to Marinette.

Luka holds and lets her feel. Adrien merely chucks under her chin like a flirt.

The realization of how the two differ from the other almost makes her wish she didn’t need the Agreste family fortune to help rebuild the shell of Couffaine Theatre.

Like the phantom he is, Luka lulls her attention so all she can think and feel is him. Her eyes never stray from any part of him.

The crisp button ups she’s brought him to replace his tattered clothes and thread-worn favorites. The suspenders that stretch up and across his chest oh so painfully right. The fitted pants and converse.

Moonlight seeps in through an uncovered window, catching on his piercings, and her knees shake.

“You’re beautiful,” she responds instead, watching a creature of pain and nightmares go rigid and half his face break into vulnerability. His laugh is hollow and shakes her to the core.

“Angel, I’m the picture of chaos and neglect. Don’t confuse me for a beautiful nightmare.” He turns his back on her, his mask seeming to glow brightly in the dark from the moon.

He fusses with music sheets she helped him uncover in a destroyed room. Fingers itch to play them and drown out the voices in his head telling him he should kiss her until she’s swaying in his arms and underneath him in his bed, reaching for him with those stars in her eyes. He forces them out with a reminder of what he looks like now. His years of hiding, shy of a decade, scarring him emotionally and physically, he’s not sure he’d ever be worthy of her.

She reaches for him this time. Small hands turning his face, drawing their eyes together. Deep sea blues meet one ocean and one cloudy sky. He doesn’t like her to see his damaged eye, he always standing half in the dark to cover that portion of his face. He’s half blind there, seeing the world through a haze in his right eye.

But he can make out her face this close. The lashes of his own wanting to flutter from her touch.

“You’re not the theatre. You’re not a creature to be hidden and locked away, to be feared. Should I be frightened of you?”

His sudden stillness is answer enough.

“I’ll bring you back to the real world. I’ll care for you like you’ve been missing since you were a teenager. I’ll help you show the people how strong you’ve been without them.”

His eyes well up, they burn and sear his skin with tears. He can’t remember the last time he cried from something other than pain and grief.

He startles out of his shock when he hears something clatter to the floor, his world slowed as he looks down to see the mask he had so carefully broken to shield half his face.

Luka thrashes against her, shouting and trying to break her grip without hurting her. He hates how comforting her touch is within that moment, how it could unravel him and expose his fears.

His calves hit the edge of his bed, Luka tumbling down with Marinette following with him, straddling his thighs. It’s just as well, isn’t it? This is what he’s been wanting to have with her- intimacy and vulnerability, the connection and trust. And now she’s trying to give it to him and he’s still stuck in his past. He’s the one that can’t look at himself beyond anything other than a monster who’s been living in secret when the world thought he was dead like his family.

The falling prop tree that hit the right side of his face during the fire had doomed him from the start. It changed the course of his whole life. He was one of the Couffaine twins that France cooed at for his beauty and talents. He and Juleka brought people to the theatre with promises of them getting to see the siblings act and perform.

But those burning branches hit along his jaw and cheek, a stray touching his eye enough to hurt his sight.

He wants Marinette. He desperately wants the angel that came to him with promises to fix his family’s theatre and restore it. He wants to believe she’ll love him and see him for the person he’s been this whole time and not the phantom that rumors say lived in the ruined building.

He wants to believe she could truly love him, enough to show the world.

Luka looks like a boy as he tries twisting his body to crawl his way out of her, but the tightening of her thighs against him wretches a cry laced with a moan out of him and renders him helpless. He doesn’t fight when she turns him onto his back once more, but he can’t meet her gaze, flinching and screwing his eyes shut when she gasps at his full face.

The scars are hidden under black smoke he has tattooed onto his face, but she can see the slight swells of raised skin, the burn parts he had scraped off to try and feel like his old self. The tattoo disappears near his hairline at his temple, black suiting black perfectly, it’s like it was all planned.

“You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen.” He sobs, perfect teeth clenching together and baring themselves as he wills himself not to scream. Dimples she’s only seen a few times are tragic to see as tears slide and pool in the divets of his cheeks. “You’re still perfect, Luka.”

His eyes flutter open, head lolled to the side and his shirt pulling taut over his chest from the deep breaths that she can feel rattle within him. His stare is pained as he looks out at the room he’s made for himself under the stage of the theatre.

“You were never a liar, Marinette.” His voice is rough, words scratching at his throat and cries being swallowed down that he can barely breathe. “Don’t start now.”

She pulls at his hand and he tries to yank it back, hoping that she’ll see reason and realize he’ll only hold her back in life if she chooses him. He can’t be selfish. He can’t hold onto her forever. But she pins him instead and his naive heart beats wildly thinking maybe she can win in this battle. He desperately wants her to win and convince him that he can be a part of her real world.

That he doesn’t have to be a secret lurking within the shadows, masked and guarded.

Luka lets her take his hand, feels it placed above her chest and a steady beat buzz into his fingers. He looks at her, the color of his eyes making her gaze soften. A harsh swallow and he’s shifting his hand upwards, feeling her heart beat into his palm.

It’s calmer than his own, a few erratic beats here and there, but it makes his seem childishly nervous. “You’re calm.”

It’s all he can say, all his mind is letting him focus on because if he lets his thoughts stray further, it’ll send him off the deep end to realize that his angel who has been plaguing his dreams and awakening his love for music, the descendant from heaven herself who came to help him restore his family’s legacy and accepted him into her life, is on top of him.

Sea eyes staring down at him with everything he believes he doesn’t deserve, plush thighs squeezing around his hips so perfectly, a strong grip in such a small hand around his wrists.

“I’m worried about you.”

“I’m fine,” he lies through his teeth easily. But she sees the way his jaw clenches, feels the jump of a pulse where her hand grips his wrist.

“You sometimes tease that I might be a dream, right?” He shifts his eyes to her, seeing nothing but acceptance and warmth in her own, and suddenly his face feels normal, his tainted vision doing nothing to deter him from how she looks the more he lets himself watch her. He nods slowly and his breath catches as she leans forth, hot air brushing against his ear.

“Angel…”

“Then treat me like I’m your dream.”

#miraculous ladybug #luka couffaine #luka x marinette #marinette dupain cheng #marinette dupain cheng x luka couffaine #lukanette #miraculous lb #mlb luka #miraculous luka #wip spoilers #pro lukamari #lukamari #phantom au #phantom!Luka

[just-for-kixs]

King's character development and relationship development with Luz (MAJOR KING'S TIDE SPOILERS)

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Man King, you really went through some stuff huh. Quite literally made a deal with the devil, or in our case, a fucking god with the mental age of a child. But pushing that aside, I wanted to focus on his relationship with Luz this episode and how his character development surrounding that culminated in his final moments with her. (Let's sprinkle in some stages of grief here too.)

So we all know that during the season 2 premiere, King really didn't want Luz to go back.

At the time it comes off as a little gag, but it's obvious that he's grown attached to her and depends on her for support. She's like a big sister to him, family he's never really had. Aside from Eda, Luz is the only person to ever care for King and actually be friendly to him. He's in this stage of slight denial and bargaining.

After the events of Echoes of the Past and then realizing that Luz might be going back home soon, he starts trying to prepare himself.

At this point, he's come to accept that she's going to leave but he's still trying to find ways to compensate for it. And while he's reached the acceptance stage, there are still parts of him that are bargaining with his own emotions. Through the titan trappers, he's trying to pre-fill that void Luz is going to leave behind. He's trying to create another family for himself.

Yet after this episode, it's revealed that he is completely alone other than those in the owl house. His biological family is pretty much gone. Finding out that you're the same species of something people associate as godlike is also an extremely jarring thing to find out. While, I could talk about King's obsession of power and how he grew from that, I want to mention a different type of growth that went a little more unnoticed.

Once you find out that you're something that has the power to make great changes, a huge amount of responsibility is placed on you. While the owl gang tried their best to not place this burden on King, he's been slowly placing it on himself these past few episodes. Him crying out saying that he could help is evidence for this. He knows that he has the capabilities to help people but he's still a child. Even though he can, he shouldn't have to. Yet he did.

In the season 2 finale, he pushes Luz back home, sacrificing himself in the process. And while I'm sure he's not dead, this marks the final stage of the development of King and Luz's relationship. For the greater good, for the safety of his friends, hell fOR LUZ, he pushes her back to the human realm. Fulfilling that one fear he's had this entire season.

The responsibility he placed on himself helped him make that choice. Now that he knows he's a Titan, he really can't afford to make selfish choices for his own benefit, King knows this. There was no prophecy, no higher up told him to be the better person, it was King's own decision. And it ties nicely in with the whole point of this show. No one can tell you what to do or what to be, there won't be some mystical prophecy to guide you to your destiny, you get to make that choice yourself. And King chose to push Luz away and not just for "the sake of the world" but for her own safety.

I think the quote "you reap what you sow" goes really well with the type of character development they have in this show. Every character experiences direct consequences of their actions. They don't get away with all the shenanigans and crimes they committed, although it sometimes looks like it. It builds over time until it explodes.

In the beginning of the show, all King ever wanted was to have power, to command respect, and instill fear and all those around him. He wanted all of that without the responsibility of being an actual ruler. Yet now, after all that's happened, he doesn't want the respect, command, or fear. Rather, he's embraced the responsibilities. And he follows through with it. Letting go of the one person he was terrified of saying goodbye too.

#the owl house #toh #toh season 2 #toh spoilers #the owl house season two #the owl house s2 #the owl house spoilers #toh season two #the owl house analysis #toh analysis #luz noceda #king clawthorne #the owl house episode analysis #king's tide #the owl house new episode #the owl house king #toh king #king's tide analysis #luz and king analysis #king clawthorne analysis #guys im genuinely so sad #omg it's hiatus time #nooooooooooo

[by-kilian]

These past two chapter were absolutely, gut-wrenching.. you see i went through the 5 stages of greif during every single scene, KW, i sincerely, madly and deeply would like to read an actual novel of yours, you are and absolute gem, one im very glad to know albeit being hidden.. it’s like you’re my little secret.

They way you describe killian and levi, the way you describe everything, make me feel as if im a part of them, i felt the harsh twist of switchblade, i felt the gunshot, i felt sofias sadness, i felt levi’s beating love for kilian, and i as much as i felt greif, i felt it’s warmth and it’s love.. I’m sorry if I’m not making any sense but your words made me absolutely speechless till the point idek what to say..

Every scene felt like a master scene and i really applause you for the way your wrote these chapters, it’s.. fascinating and mesmerizing really, the way you bend words under your mercy like some-kind of an alluring witch your writing is immaculate

When you blinked your eyes open, the first person you saw was Levi. His smile was bright and warm. It made you feel weightless. It made you feel loved. You smiled back, albeit weakly. Levi squeezed your hand gently, still smiling. “Welcome back, sweetheart,” he whispered.  

CMON KW WTF IS THAT AND WHY IS MY HEART SHATTERED ON THE GROUND TO SHREDS.

Spoiler alert because i need to scream:

Okay now let’s first talk about mathias this stinky grey hairy ass stalkish asshole.. i want him dead like absolutely dead no breathing again for him😞 KILIAN MY SLEEPING BEAUTY RISE FROM DEATH AND SLIT HIS THROAT MY BABY ILL HAVE UR BACK

Okay i can’t not mention this jerk and not talk about the amazing.. like absolutely jaw dropping conversation he had with our fallen angel..

“We were bound to meet, and if you didn’t stop, I’m quite sure we would have,”

“What is that expression? ‘Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t?’ Well. I knew it was only a matter of time before you returned to the work you know best.”

Well i sure as hell didn’t expect that tbh.. i think i can’t describe what I’m feeling from how much I’ve felt during these few hours😭😭 HELP KW WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

Tell me something,” he said, slipping a hand in his pants pocket and sniffling. “Do you ever miss it? You must.”Your fingers ticked along your sides in response and Mathias grinned, like a wolf baring its teeth. “You do,” he said. “Don’t look so enraged at the thought. A devil cannot change no matter how hard they try. It doesn’t work that way. Still,” he said contemplatively, rubbing his thumb against his index finger and studying his hands. “I’m so pleased that in your attempt to change, it merely led you back to me,” he said, blinking fondly at you. You remained unfazed yet quiet, calculating every move possible in the brief moment of silence Mathias offered to you. He tilted his head at you and smiled, empty yet again. “From one devil to another, I really am glad to have finally met you, Kilian.” 

THIS IS ICONIC IN EVERY LANGUAGE KNOWN TO MAN KIND—

Now excuse me i really need to have some sleep to function properly because i binged the 2 chapters and i can’t fathom what I’m saying or even type basic English anymore so that’s part one😭

Your lovely “💙“ anon

Omg, 💙 anon! It is SO lovely to hear from you my darling 😭❤️. I can't even begin to thank you for your thoughtfully detailed asks because you have sincerely made my days, both yesterday and today. I'll answer everything under a cut but seriously, thank you so much for this. I cherish you! 🥹

TRUTHFULLY, I MYSELF went through the 5 stages of grief writing this. LMAO! It was a deeply emotional process, but tbh, it is every time I write in some small way. I am so glad to be considered a gem to you. Really. ❤️ It's also honestly nice to be 'hidden', lol. I have never loved attention but despite that, I have a really solid, loyal following of readers and I love you all so much for sticking with me, whether you've been here since the beginning or just now made it. I love my little corner of solitude over here and I appreciate all of you for helping contribute to that.

And thank you for such a lovely compliment! I try so hard to tap into character emotions so if you can feel what they're feeling, you are fully immersed in the story which is what I always hope to achieve. I also put a lot of thought into each scene, choosing what to say and what not to say, so to be acknowledged for that means the world. Thank you so much for saying that. Also I will so take the title of a witch any day LOL! <3

Also ikr. Levi is such a sweet, sensitive person at his core that to see it spill out without hesitation now is really one of the purest things you could witness.

As for MATHIAS, writing that scene between him and Kilian was honestly like a fever dream. My hands were moving faster than my mind. I always knew from crafting his character who he was at his core, but to be able to reveal it to all of you made it all the more exciting. Like it had always been lurking underneath, under everything he did, and now you finally got to see him for what he was. If he ever alarmed you, you finally knew why. If he ever made you feel uneasy, now you could see why. It was such a pleasure to write that scene between the two of them!

Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU, my lovely 💙 anon for taking time out of your day to message me something so sweet. I will answer your other ask later tonight, but please know how much I treasure you! :3

#asks #💙 anon