#I wasn’t supported through the hardest years of my life by 11 and 12

[sometimesraven]

The fact that I went through most of my life experiencing, processing and healing from my trauma alongside The Doctor only for RTD to go “lol the last 15 years of character growth didn’t happen actually” is a slap in the face actually

Thirteen’s era was bad in a lot of ways but one of the first things I noticed was that her brightness and her optimism were such a natural progression of the healing Twelve did throughout his regeneration. And as someone who had also gone through the same growth and was learning to accept and love and Just Be despite everything that was huge to me, it was such a hopeful message just as Doctor Who has always been for me.

I’ve been thinking about it and I realised we’ve already seen what happened in The Giggle. In Moffat’s era, but it was over time and it was earned.

Twelve was carrying So Much trauma. He was tired and bitter and angry, carrying the expectations he’d learned in the previous incarnation (that people see him as far higher than he sees himself, that he’s a god and a warrior and a healer and he doesn’t want that, he just wants his friends and his box). He’s fighting between who he is and who he’s expected to be and he can’t run away from it any more.

This all comes to a head with Heaven Sent/Hell Bent where he loses his best friend. The woman who had guided him and supported him through this trauma, the one who was there to help him learn that the preconceived pressures of “good” and “bad” he put upon himself were bullshit and he’s just Some Guy Doing His Best and that’s okay, he doesn’t have to be more than he is even if the universe tells him so. He thinks he’s responsible for her actions (which arguably goes all the way back to Davros accusing him of turning his companions into weapons) and he relapses into trying to control everything, brings her back, does all of this shit for her that she never asked for.

And that’s when he learns his inability to let go and actually face the pain rather than running from it is hurting people and himself. He’s faced with what he did to Donna at long last and given the chance to not repeat that mistake. Clara teaches him one last lesson.

Then he settles. He takes care of Missy and spends some time as a professor, meets a new companion and by the end of his regeneration he learns to let go.

This is the point where I realised RTD had somehow rehashed something that had already been done.

He lets go. He passes the torch into a brighter, more optimistic Doctor less burdened by the previous incarnations’ trauma and ripe for a whole heap of NEW trauma, still remembering all she’s lost but able to put it behind her and focus on the happy memories and the love. She has a family.

The Doctor had healed in a meaningful way, and more importantly a way those watching could see and realise that yes, it’s possible. Yes, it’ll still hurt sometimes, but it’s possible to heal from the terrible things that have been done to you. It’s possible to live a full, happy, bright existence even if the past doesn’t truly go away.

Obviously it all goes downhill again and yeah, the unfortunate writing means that Thirteen had some really unhealthy coping mechanisms that were never addressed. Yeah, the Flux happens. Yeah, Gallifrey dies again.

But.

Imagine this for a second: Rose and Donna’s “let go” statement, ignoring the gender essentialism. It turns out they’re actually harkening back to “Doctor, I let you go.”. Thirteen bigenerates and Fourteen (Ncuti) gives the “therapy in the wrong order” speech, but this time it’s because they’ve already been through the same trauma.

They’ve already seen their planet die, they’ve already lost so much and felt responsible for so much death, but because they’ve already been through that trauma from 9-12 and been through that healing combined with the Toymaker’s wibbly wobbly laws of physics, the bigeneration came from a subconscious recognition that they’re relapsing into those bad habits (compartmentalise, put it away, keep running) and that they need to slow down and stop to process this again.

It would be an excellent way of doing what Rusty wanted and soft rebooting while also showing the audience “hey, sometimes when you think everything is okay it’ll fall apart again, you’ll relapse, things will seem shitty, but because you’ve done all this healing and have all these tools and learned to trust people it’ll be easier to bounce back from, just have patience with yourself” rather than coming across as just completely retconning 15 years of character growth in favour of cheap fanservice

Idk I just have so many issues with The Giggle and I thought they’d get smaller over time as I get over the initial what the fuck but I’m only getting angrier lmao. Like acknowledge the previous writers or don’t, you can’t acknowledge them and then try to gaslight an entire audience into thinking it didn’t happen

#dw spoilers #Doctor who #dw #doctor who spoilers #the giggle #RTD critical #I wasn’t supported through the hardest years of my life by 11 and 12 #just for RTD to make like the fandom and spit in their faces

[jimlingss]

Sugar and Coffee [12]

Chapter 11 - Chapter 12 - Chapter 13

➜ Words: 2.1k

➜ Genres: 99.5% Fluff, 0.5% Angst, Pâtisserie school!AU

➜ Summary: It isn't hard to be a pâtisserie chef, but it's not a piece of cake either. It seems like for you in particular, life keeps throwing in one wrench after another. It always finds ways to make your sweets bitter. The cherry on top is Jeon Jungkook — a rival with a sensitive sweet tooth who always finds ways to complain about you.

cr.

“Never stop believing, never stop dreaming, and never stop doing your best!”   There’s deafening applause, standing ovations, and you get onto your own feet, clapping your hands together. The graduates are wearing bright smiles and they throw their hats into the air simultaneously. You watch them soar, knowing one day soon that’ll be you too.   Proud parents are gathered together, taking pictures while teachers are shaking the graduates’ hands, wishing them luck for their future endeavours. In the meanwhile, you hold the bouquet of flowers to your chest, paper crinkling underneath your grip and your eyes sweep the crowd.   “Do you see him?” you ask Jungkook.   He hums, hand placed on his brows to shield the blazing sunlight away. “No….oh, there he is!”   The two of you are dressed up for the ceremony. You’re in a modest dress that church goers would approve of while Jungkook is in a suit and tie like he’s going to prom. You appreciate him being here. He didn’t need to come, but he didn’t hesitate when you asked him to.    Jungkook just gives you the moral support you need.   “Y/N? Jungkook!” Seokjin is in his navy graduation gown, rich in colour. He wears a matching coloured hat with a yellow tassel and you muse the whole grad get-up looks good on him.   “Hey. Congratulations, man.” Jungkook smiles as a form of salutation.   “C-Congratulations on graduating.” You smile as well and extend your arm.   “These are for me?” He indicates the flowers, the corners of his mouth lifted. When you nod, Jin laughs and takes them. “I love them, thank you!”   “It’s nothing. I always promised I would see you walk the stage, so I’m just following through.”   “A woman of her word.” Seokjin grins, making you release half of a scoff and half of a laugh.   “Of course I am.”   You glance at Jungkook and he takes the cue. “I’m gonna go to the bathroom.” The boy hitches his thumb over his shoulder, slowly walking backwards. “I haven’t gone for about an hour now and my bladder is just killing me.” He stiffly laughs, almost bumping into some old lady. “Alright then. See you later.”   You sigh at his awkwardness and turn back to Jin. “Sorry about him.”   “No, it’s alright.” Seokjin smiles softly. “So you’re finished with all your finals?”   “Yeah, they’re all done. I don’t get much of a break though. My internship starts in two weeks.”   “Oh yeah!” He recalls, eyes lighting up. “Good luck. It should be really exciting. I still remember mine.”   “Thanks. I’m actually looking forward to it.”   “Good. You’ll make great memories, trust me.”   The pair of you stare at each other and you exhale lightly. “So this is it, huh, Kim Seokjin? All done with your schooling, you lucky bastard.”   The older man grins. “It’ll be you soon.”   “I know and I might beat you as a pastry chef one day, so you better watch out.”   Laughter bubbles out of his chest and it’s melodic to the ears. “I will.”   It’s a bittersweet moment, a nostalgic one. You remember going to his high school graduation, him at yours. Now he’s moving onto a new stage of his life again and in a way, you are too.    It occurs to you how grown up you’ve both become, how you’re not so young and naive anymore. “Can you congratulate Moonbyul, Sandeul, Ken and Hani for me?”   “I will. I’ll tell them you came by. They’ll appreciate it.”   You nod, but before you bid a final farewell, Seokjin raises his arm and gently ruffles your hair. The tension dissipates with his sincere smile. “I’m glad you came, Y/N.”   “Me too,” you say with an equally earnest smile.   “How’d it go?” Jungkook asks once you’ve regrouped with him again. You found the mop of black hair in the midst of parents and graduates, somehow munching on a hot dog he bought, and getting ketchup on his black blazer.   You hum, cheeks swelled with the biggest grin. “Good.”   You’re glad you came, that you followed through with a promise made a long time ago, one you could’ve pretended to forget. But you don’t regret showing up.    You and Seokin are almost strangers now, but you’ve realized somewhere down the line that it doesn’t make your time spent together any less fond. You loved him once and loved him wholeheartedly. He allowed you to do that. Allowed you to have those feelings and experiences.   You wonder if this is what closure is. It feels like a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders, that your mind has been put to ease. Like you’ve finally closed a chapter of your life.

It’s the end of the year. All of you are halfway done with your diploma, if you’re not counting the internship and only the lectures and workshops. But it’s unfathomable how fast time moves when you don’t take notice or count the seconds ticking as you sit idly by.    Your first year is over — and you can still remember coming to this institution months ago wide-eyed and nervous. It wasn’t that long ago, but you can also see the light at the end of the tunnel, the end coming near. A lot has happened and a lot still needs to occur.   “Your internships are starting on the fourth?! Lucky, you guys get like a whole week break,” Taehyung grumbles, pouting. “I haven’t even finished packing and I’m leaving tomorrow.”   “You’re going to a catering company, right?”   “Yeah.” Taehyung perks up with a smile. “I might be starting sooner, but on the bright side, at least I’m not making wedding cakes.”   “Why does everyone hate wedding cakes so much?” You take offence, defending your internship that you’re actually excited for.   “Maybe because it’s probably one of the hardest things you could make. Wedding cakes are humongous. It’s laborious and takes days to make. There’s a reason why they’re so expensive.” Yoongi leans back as he’s proving his point. “Plus have you ever worked with bridezillas before who want everything perfect? There are Karens galore. I’m not eager to work at a restaurant, but it’s still easier than a wedding cake company.”   “I’m sure it won’t be that bad.” You have yet to learn how to actually make a wedding cake, but how hard can it be? At the end of the day, it’s just a bigger cake for a fancier occasion. You look over to Jungkook. “Right?”   But he doesn’t look you in the eye.   He mutters incoherently and when you roughly nudge him, he sighs. “I can’t say I’m….excited.”   “Didn’t you want to go somewhere that works with chocolate?” Hoseok asks, his own internship at the Marriott hotel. It’s a sweet gig and apparently close to where Aeri will also be working for her own cooking fellowship.   “Yeah.” Jungkook sighs again, running a hand through his black locks, picking up the habit of Jimin. Said man is already gone, left yesterday for a pastry shop in the city next door — a cute place he told you about called Bread & Butter. “But apparently the man who runs the place with his wife is a chocolatier.”   “It’s not about the place, it’s about the mentor,” you chime and he remains unimpressed.   “Yeah, yeah, yeah.”   You quirk your head to the side, lashes batting. “What? Not excited to spend a whole summer with me?”   Jungkook glances at you and then diverts his eyes quickly. He gives you no answer.   You click your tongue in annoyance. At least Taehyung can appreciate it, openly wishing he was working with someone that he knew.   Jungkook is probably the biggest reason why you aren’t afraid or anxious. You know you have each other’s backs, that you’ll learn together, and there’s no way he can be better at cakes than you are.   The man might be good at his chocolate but his cakes are dry.   //   “Try not to rip each other’s heads off,” Hoseok says moments before getting on the bus, duffle bag in hand. He’s the last one to go.   “Nah.” Jungkook throws his arm over your shoulder and pulls you towards his chest. “I still need someone to take the blame when things go wrong.”   “Excuse me?!” You turn to him and he laughs boyishly, making you pout.   Hoseok grins, bidding his last farewells before he gets on the bus and waves goodbye as the vehicle takes off down the road.   It’s sad to see all your friends going to different places, to forge their own separate ways. But you know goodbyes are inevitable and that it won’t be long till their return. You’re just glad that right now Jungkook is with you.   Campus empties out in the days that follow. Only you and Jungkook are staying in your dorm rooms over the summer. Hoseok is getting accommodation at the hotel he’s working for, Jimin is staying at a boarding house during the duration of his internship, and the rest going home where it’ll be more convenient for them.   It’s eerie to see the paths so empty, the dining center closed down, and the corridors void of people and noisy conversation. It’s apocalyptic. A ghost town.   There’s no one around but the pair of you.   “Are you ready?” you ask, breaking the silence. You spin around on your heel with a smile to face him, attempting to bring up the somber mood.   You don’t realize the small action has such a big impact.   Jungkook’s heart stutters. Your hair is flying in the breeze, the side strands brushed away behind your ear. Your eyes are glimmering as the sun sets, casting a golden hue on you that makes you glow. And you look at him so happily.    Jungkook has to resist the urge to pull you in. To kiss you.    He doesn’t know how he’s going to spend an entire summer with you and just you.   But he’s ready. “I am.”   “I’m gonna crush you, Jeon.” You laugh, not helping with his situation. Jungkook wonders what it takes to capture this moment and make it tangible. “Make the best wedding cakes anyone has ever seen.”   “You better walk the talk then.”   “Course, I will.”   Jungkook’s initial impression of you was never wrong. You’re stubborn, childish, a brat. You’re also annoying and irritating beyond belief. It’s amazing how sometimes you can just grind Jungkook’s gears without even knowing. But you’re also sensitive, sentimental, softer than he expected — and it’s what led him to have a closer view of you.    From the time you bursted into tears in the kitchen to when he called out your name to join him for lunch. Bringing you over to his friends' place and his family for the holidays. Teaching you how to temper chocolate and making truffles on Valentines for your ex. Going out on the town to be his wingwoman and having you as his partner in a competition and winning.   Those tiny moments lead him closer and closer.    Little by little.    One by one.   Without him realizing….   In these months that you’ve spent together, Jungkook has become unequivocally captivated by you.   “Y/N.”   “What?”   “I like you.”   Jungkook admits it out loud. Unabashedly. He tried to get over it, ignore it, clear his mind. He did all of it while trying to keep you by his side as his best friend, but it didn’t work. He can’t.   His feelings for you overwhelms him.   It’s a container overflowed with spillage all over the sides — he can’t repress it and doesn’t want to. He faces it head on, even if it’s reckless.   But you merely snort after a beat. “Thanks, grinch. I like me too. You’re not too, too bad, I guess.”   There’s no way you’re this obtuse. You’re not dense. Jungkook knows you well enough and he suspects you’re feigning ignorance, maybe because you’re traumatized and not willing to risk friendship again. But he presses on, not allowing you to ignore his heart on his sleeve.   “I mean it.”   “I mean it too.”   Jungkook assertively grabs your arm, stopping you in your tracks, He looks you dead in the eye, going for a bold strategy with no room for escape or for you to disregard what he’s spilling out to you. He corrects himself—   “I’m in love with you.”

#bts fanfic #bts scenario #jungkook fluff #jungkook fanfic #jungkook scenario #jungkook reader insert #jungkook x reader #bts reader insert #bts x reader #JK AS A BOLD BOY #I know this chapter is pretty short but next chapter will be much longer :D

[ricksroaches]

Jimin - Dysphoria ch. 2

pairing: Yoongi x Reader, OT7 x Reader (platonic)

summary: Jimin gets in trouble defending Y/N. Later that night things get deep.

notes: Y/N is based of an OC so if a few traits don't match yours I'm sorry T.T. To clear things up, this chapter takes place like a year before the actual storyline. Present day, Y/N and Jimin are juniors.

word count: 4.5k

warnings: cursing, mental illness, drugs (weed, LSD), smut (fingering, spanking, v penetration), mentions of sexual assault

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Jimin lost his virginity when he was 14.

Too fast? Ight let’s take it back a little.

Jimin was the perfect kid. Obedient, polite, compassionate, the ultimate parent dream package. He was born to please everyone. To give everyone joy, even if that joy was his own. But it wasn’t enough when it came to his parents. Their marriage was rocky even before he was in the picture. They divorced, and his dad moved out when he was 8, leaving his mom to raise him and his older sister by herself. He got a good lawyer and ended up getting out of custody, but his mom managed to get decent child support out of it. If one thing is true about this world it’s that a man with deep pockets can get whatever he wants.

Jimin wouldn’t see his dad for another four years, but life went on as it does; he continued to excel in dance, make good grades, make everyone happy. That was, until Seunghyun came into the picture.

He seemed okay at first. His mom had met him through a friend, and it didn’t take long for them to start dating. He was nice enough, handsome enough, wealthy enough. Jimin remembered the day he met him for the first time.

“Hey, Jimin right?”

“Yes sir.”

“I’ve heard a lot about you. Your mom talks about you a lot.”

“…thank you?”

He laughed. “How old are you?”

“11.”

There was a pause. He simply nodded a few times before clapping him on the shoulder. “You’re a good kid. Keep that up.”

Seunghyun began coming over more and more frequently, most times even staying the night. Jimin had grown to like him quite a bit. He always brought something for him like a candy bar or a pair of Ray Bans he didn’t wear anymore. He often took him out to get ice cream and other spur of the moment treats.

Jimin's sister, Roseanne, was also a dancer. In fact, she was the reason he started. She was the whole world in his eyes and the most beautiful dancer he’d ever seen. Her dancing was the kind that sucked the air out of the room. No one dared breathe as everyone’s eyes followed her fluid movements. You simply couldn’t take your eyes off her in fear of missing a detail. It didn’t matter what you were doing. If Rose was dancing, you were watching.

Rose had a dance tournament in L.A., a solid 6 hour drive from their home in San Francisco. Mom was too busy with work to take her, so Seunghyun offered which she gratefully accepted. Jimin wasn’t worried at all, he knew she’d beat everyone there, which was why it surprised him to see her come home with a broken spirit. When he asked her what happened she simply said, “I didn’t make it.” He consoled her while she wept throughout the next two nights.

It wasn’t until the boys’ trip Seunghyun planned as an extra birthday gift that he would understand Rose’s tears. He’d just turned 12.

Jimin separated his life into two books. One of his life before that trip. The other, his life since. He often kept himself up at night wishing he hadn’t gone, and that he would never become the person he is now.

What happened on the trip, however, it didn’t stop. In fact, it happened more and more often, and it wasn’t just him, it was Rose too. The night Jimin heard Seunghyun slip into his sister's room next door, he made a decision.

He started taking the brunt of Seunghyun’s doings to keep him away from Rose. He could tell she was wilting. Her dance had become lethargic and she rarely competed anymore. Jimin wouldn’t have that. If he had one purpose in this world, it was to make Roseanne happy.

The promiscuity began in 7th grade with his first kiss at the back to school dance with Megan Shelby, one of the most popular girls in school. Their brief relationship rocketed him to the top of the dating hierarchy. By the end of the semester, he’d had 3 girlfriends and 4 boyfriends. Oh yeah, he knew he swung that way for a while now.

By 8th grade, things became more sexual. He just needed more. That rush that he got feeling someone else’s lips on his, getting to touch their body any way he liked, being touched himself, it was addictive. In those moments, he could forget about everything and enjoy himself for once.

His first nude was leaked by a boy who pretended to be gay for a month so Jimin would send to him. He didn’t have much shame when it came to sending nudes. He never asked for any, he was a gentleman. But if asked, if the guy was cute enough, he would.

Jacob. God that boy. Jimin was head over heels for that boy. Whatever he wanted, Jimin did. His first time giving head was pretty scary. He gagged a lot and could barely fit half of him, but it was the hardest he’d ever been in his life.

It didn’t take long for Jacob to want more than blowjobs. It was a spur of the moment thing, really. It was the summer before freshman year, Jacob had gotten them invited to a high school party, and Jimin’s mom had just broken up with Seunghyun (for reasons unrelated to this story). That was also the first night Jimin had ever gotten drunk. This was his night to secretly celebrate his freedom from the burden he lived with for three years. He took to the stuff rather quickly and before long Jacob was carrying him slurring up the stairs to a bedroom for him to rest.

Jimin playfully initiated a make out session that got pretty hot and heavy thanks to the alcohol. It was then that Jacob pulled back and popped the question. Jimin thought about it for a good 4 seconds before smashing his lips back onto his beloved boyfriend’s.

A new chapter in the Book of Jimin was written that night.

Jacob ended up cheating on him to which Jimin proceeded to rack up the highest body count in the school. It’s ancient history.

Despite his vigorous sexual awakening, Jimin remained the same angel in every adult’s eyes. It was hard to live with the memories of Seunghyun that plagued him almost every waking moment. He was finding it more and more difficult to come up with excuses for his breakdowns that sent him home from school. He couldn’t tell his mom. It would break her heart. So he dealt with it on his own, hiding all of his pain and fear behind a polite smile.

~~~

SOPHOMORE YEAR - OCTOBER

“All I’m saying is, dying of old age is like dying from not dying.”

Jimin swung his locker closed revealing the unzipped hoodie clad Y/N leaning against the locker beside him. “It took you ten minutes just to say that?”

“If you won’t appreciate my philosophical ideas then I will take them elsewhere.” He eyed her down.

“Y/N, you probably can’t even stand up straight right now.”

“And why might you say that?”

“Because it’s the last day before fall break I know you're high as tits right now.” She let out a slurred chuckle. She leaned her temple against the red metal and gazed at him with a dopey smile spread across her face. “Yeah, uh huh. Didn’t even share with me, bitchass. Now let’s go.”

“Yessir.” She stuffed her hand in her shorts pockets in search of her keys when a rough slap to her ass made her stiff as a board.

“Nice ass, L/N. You should wear those more often.” She could barely recognize the voice as Will Jacobs before he was on the floor with Jimin on top of absolutely wailing on him. He paused his assault briefly.

“You never touch her! You hear me?!”

Will glanced at her before zoning back in on Jimin. “Her? Tell her not to wear something like that and not expect feedbac-” he was cut off by Jimin's fist connecting to his nose with a delicious crunch. He didn’t stop, though. He kept punching and punching and punching. By now, a crowd had formed shouting and chanting for either boy. Y/N didn’t do anything to stop it. She stood there, keys dangling from her finger, in stoned awe. Although the sober side of her would’ve enjoyed to see it happen nonetheless. She was also too stoned to warn him about the principle marching towards the pair.

“JIMIN PARK!” His fist stopped midair, fully reared back to strike. The circle scattered like rats upon their fighters’ capture. He was yanked up by the back of his shirt and Will was hauled to his feet by two security guards, a shit eating grin on his blood smeared face. Jimin turned to Y/N, who’s mouth was still hanging open, while being dragged to the office.

“Just go without me. This is gonna be a while.” To which she dumbly nodded and made her way out of the building baked and confused.

~~~

The sun had set and Y/N still had no word from Jimin. She assumed his mom took his phone as punishment or something so she went about her business, albeit a little bummed.

She had just settled on her bed with her bong nestled in her lap when a soft knock at her window made her jump. She whirled around to see Jimin crouched outside her window. She unlatched it and shoved it up with a half annoyed huff half sigh of relief. “What the hell are you doing?” He ignored her query and slipped through the window and rolled onto her floor.

“I told my mom I’m at Tae’s. I just wanted to see you after earlier.” With a nod of approval, she turned around to inspect her bong for any damage.

“I live alone dipshit you could’ve used the door.”

“Oh, right. I keep forgetting that.”

Yes. Y/N lives alone. We’ll unpack that later.

“So what happened?” She settled back in her spot but set the hot pink crystal contraption on her nightstand. Jimin crawled onto her bed and collapsed into the soft blankets. The smell of weed mingled with the lavender fabric softener to create a devastating blend that could knock anyone out for hours.

“Most of it was just them saying how disappointed they were and how I tainted my ‘flawless’ record. They didn’t even address the reason I gave them for doing it.” His lips twitched into a hateful scowl briefly. “They’re suspending me for three days.”

“But it’s fall break.”

“Exactly, that’s why I’m suspended the first three days we get back. Jokes on them, I just got my break extended.”

“What about Will?”

“He was in the nurse’s office the whole time.” She casually lifted her fist and he bumped it.

“That’s my guy.”

There was a comfortable silence while the two relived the moment in their heads. She was thinking about how stupid she probably looked watching the ordeal. He wished he’d done more damage.

“Hey, Jimmy boy?”

“Yes, bitch?”

“You wanna get high?”

Y/N had just gotten a new sheet and wanted to try it out. They placed the tabs on each other’s tongues and watched the little mushroom design dissolve. An hour later they were sitting across from each other staring at the other giggling incoherently.

She studied every one of his features like it was the first time she’d seen him all over again. His peach hair was parted down the middle, bangs brushing his temples. His clean, solid eyebrows were in perfect contrast to his sun kissed skin. His eyes formed tiny crescents when he smiled only adding to his adorable look. His smile…….his smile. Perfect, pink, pillowy lips she could only describe as belonging to an angel. Glowing white teeth that radiated beauty every time he opened his mouth. His face slowly began to look like an oil painting on canvas the longer she stared at him. Her smile grew ever wider as she traced the brush strokes along his jaw and the delicate shading of his toned neck.

Jimin gazed at Y/N’s face with pure adoration. All of his love for her magnetized by the dopamine dump in his brain, and he hoped she saw herself the way he did. Her wild curls wiggled in place like a cute version of Medusa’s snakes. Very fun to look at when there’s a whole mane of it. Her freckles sparkled like dots of purple and blue glitter and the moonlight that hit the apple of her cheek shimmered and twinkled like it was coated in diamond dust. A barely audible giggle slipped from her parted lips. It made him giggle too. “What?”

“I’m just so happy…” her spacey smile said it all. He could see in her eyes that she truly meant it. He watched as the color changed from blue, to green, to hazel, to grey. The colors mixed and faded slowly and if you didn’t focus you wouldn’t catch it. He counted each individual fleck of gold in the center of her irises and they glowed like fireflies on a summer night.

“…Jimin..?”

He snapped out of his daze to see that her eyes were wider than they were before. He also realized that she was laying on the bed, and he was on top of her. He was frozen. When did that even happen? He stared back at her with equal shock but neither moved away. Her eyes didn’t show any signs of fear or discomfort. She was just surprised.

Every thought he ever had about her was rammed to the front of his mind and he had the crushing need to show her how special she truly was to him. Without further ado, he smashed his lips down onto hers. She let out the tiniest squeak before quickly returning the favor. She carded her fingers through his hair and pulled him father down to deepen the kiss. His chest was now pressed against hers and the grip on his hair tightened. Few breaths were taken between kisses while she pushed his jacket down his arms and let it drop to the floor.

Jimin took it upon himself to slip his hands under the hem of her shirt and pull it over her head. He slid his palms up and down and stomach and waist, completely lost in the distorted sense of touch that hypnotized him. He was reminded of his task by a soft tug on the hem of his own shirt which he hastily peeled off before diving back into another kiss. He took his course to her jaw and then found purchase on her neck, sucking and biting until wine colored marks dotted her entire neck and collarbone. He made quick work of her plain black bra and tossed it behind him to an unknown corner of the room. He got to work making his marks anywhere and everywhere he could reach. The sharp rise of her chest when she gasped only spurred him on.

His hands snaked down her naked torso and yanked her sleep shorts out from under her before slipping his fingers under the waistband of her undies. Simple black Calvin Klein cheeky cut. Modest, yet tasteful. Her thighs jerked when he found her clit and started rubbing smooth circles, drawing out a silent cry from her behind his lips. He made sure she was good and wet before sinking two fingers past her lips, earning another heavy gasp that made her chest heave against his. He broke the kiss and leaned back much to her disappointment. He pumped his fingers in and out, finding every little nook and cranny to massage. He pressed his palm into the space between her belly button and her entrance and curled his fingers in a ‘come here’ motion, eliciting a satisfying cry from her. He burned the sight of her back arching off the bed at his handiwork into his memory permanently.

He curled and pumped his fingers faster and faster until her walls clenched around his digits and her body shuddered and twitched from the force of the climax he’d brought her. She collapsed against the bed a heaving mess and he gazed down at her with a devilish smile. Demon Jimin had come out to play.

In a flash, he was out of his jeans and back on top in only his boxers. His muscular thighs and arms caged her underneath him as he raked his eyes over her figure before landing on her last remaining article of clothing. Before she knew it, she’d been flipped onto her stomach. His hands glided up her thighs and kneaded the flesh of her ass. With a rough tug, she heard the sound of fabric tearing and cold air hit her core sending a shudder down her spine.

A single, dazzling smack stung her right cheek before the pain was kneaded away. He pressed his body into hers and spoke low in her ear, “You feel that? Only I’m allowed to do that. No one else.”

She could feel the familiar hardness grinding against her ass sending another shiver through her body. He chuckled darkly. “You like that, don’t you?” She nodded, her face pressed into her pillow. He dug his fingers into her hips and abruptly yanked them into the air. Her yelp was muffled by the pillow but he definitely heard it. His boxers were discarded and he lined himself up at her entrance. He teased his tip against her folds watching them flinch with every touch. He sunk his full length into her evoking a high pitched cry from her and a low groan that ripped through his chest.

He wasted no time setting a rhythmic pace that had them both a moaning mess. They could feel every single square inch in 4K and their brains could barely keep up. He was so lost in the feeling he didn’t realize he’d sped up significantly and she was gripping the pillow to muffle her pleasured cries. “Why are you hiding those beautiful noises?” He wrapped his hand around her neck and hoisted her upright on her knees. “I want to hear everything that I do to you. Don’t you dare hold back, because if you go quiet I’ll only fuck you harder.”

He sacrificed speed for force in the new position. More sounds of pleasure spilled from her lips with each snap of his hips. His arm snaked between her breasts to grip her neck and pull her to his chest while he fucked into her with devastating force. The harder he rammed her cervix the louder the cries he squeezed out of her. He increased his speed once again leaving her a rag doll in his arms.

With another flip, she was on her back again and he was back inside her before her vision steadied. He hooked her thighs over his own to get a better angle which sent her curling off the mattress once again. Her head was thrown back and her eyes were squeezed shut to concentrate on the feeling. He gripped both cheeks in one hand and pulled her face down. “Look at me.” Her eyes fluttered open and she tried to find his face among the stars that jumbled her vision. He lined her face up with his, “I want to see those pretty eyes when I make you cum around my dick.” She breathlessly nodded and tried to maintain his scalding gaze while her body was getting shoved into the mattress with every thrust. The headboard cracked against the wall, accompanying her escalating cries when his thumb moved to circle her clit again.

“..-m I’m-”

“Go ahead. Do it.”

Her walls instantly clenched around him eliciting a jagged groan and his daze darkened. He pounded into her while her climax had her screaming loud enough for him to break. He finished after a burst of inhumanly fast strokes, burying his shaft as deep as he could to shoot his load and riding it out with a few hard snaps of his hips. His eyes never left the sea of her irises.

He leaned back and sat on his heels. The only sound in the room was their ragged breaths. He let his head fall back to relish in the aftermath of his ministrations. She watched the beads of sweat trickle between his abs with each swell of his chest. She never thought she’d find herself in this compromising position with someone like Jimin. Yeah, they made out a few times when they were bored but that couldn’t hold a candle to what just went down.

Jimin slid out and rolled over to lay next to her.

“Jimin?”

“Yeah?”

“What are you?”

After a shower that quickly turned into round two, they were dressed and tucked in bed. Her head rested on his chest while she fiddled with the collar of the oversized (on her) grey shirt she’d given him. His arm was wrapped around her waist and his fingers traced her ribs under her shirt in slow, meditative strokes. The old Jimin was back.

“Jimin?”

“Yeah?”

“Why’d you freak so hard with Will? You’ve never gotten in a fight at school, ever.” Her head bobbed with the heavy sigh that escaped him. She lifted her head to look at him. He stared up at the ceiling with a distant look in his eyes. His pink lips curved in a slight grimace.

“You don’t have to tell me.”

“No. I had to tell someone eventually. It might as well be now with someone I trust.” She couldn’t help the rush of confidence at his comment. That good feeling died quickly when she processed what he said. “My mom used to date this guy, Seunghyun.” He had to pause to adjust to saying his name. “He was nice. I liked him. A lot.” She watched his eyes dart around the ceiling trying to remember details of the memory. “They’d been dating for about a year. He was gonna take me on a boys trip to his lake house for my birthday. My sister….She tried to convince me not to go and…and I didn’t know why.” His voice trembled with the last words. “The first night he made me sleep in the same bed as him…The second night…” He looked up to blink the tears out of his eyes. She reached up and wiped them for him with her thumb. “The second night, we were getting ready for bed, and he asked me if…if I knew what sex was. I said yes thinking he was trying to give me the talk. He asked me…..if I ever touched myself…I didn’t know what to say so I said no.” His voice caught in his throat, his words coming out at a higher pitch. “He-” His lips pulled back in a quivering frown and his chest beat with one single, silent sob.

“It’s alright, it’s alright, take your time.”

“He came up behind me…and he stuc-….he stuck his hand…down my underwear.” His free hand flew to cover his squeezed shut eyes, gripping his forehead. “He kept asking be if I liked how it felt…I said I-I didn’t know so he kept going.” It tore her apart to see him struggling to speak the way he was. Tears of her own started to stream down her cheeks. “I worked up the courage to tell him to stop and he did. I tried to sleep on the couch in the other room but I woke up in his bed the next day. I don’t know if he…did anything, but the third night I was standing on the dock connected to the house. It was too dark for the neighbors to see anything. He came up to me again. He asked how I liked the night before again and I was too afraid to say anything so I didn’t. He did it again, but this time he pulled his out and…tried to get me to…t-touch it. I didn’t so he took my hand in his and…,” he took a deep breath “and he…u-used it to-”

“You don’t have to say it.”

He nodded

“I never finished…he did. I don’t remember the last day but I remember on the ride home, he said that if I told my mom….it would break her heart. And I didn’t want to break her heart-”

His sobs came out in soft, rapid beats but she was quick to pull him into her chest to soak her t-shirt. He buried his face in the crook of her neck and squeezed both arms around her torso while his cries shook the pair in silence. She didn’t say anything, simply wrapping her arms around his neck and planting kisses on his ears and shoulders.

“That wasn’t the only time, was it.” He weakly shook his head into her neck. “You don’t have to talk about it. You already did so great. You’re safe.” She continued to stroke his hair while his shaking began to plateau.

“You’re safe.”

~~~

The next morning was peaceful. Jimin woke up not feeling like shit like he’d expected. He actually felt….good. Given the bomb he dropped last night. But, she didn’t treat him any differently than she did the day before, and he was grateful.

She cooked for him while he showered, and they hung out having their regular old conversations like nothing happened. Although he noticed something. She was sober. It was nearing 6:00pm and he hadn’t seen or smelled weed since he barged in on her session. She stayed sober….for him. He didn’t like to admit it, but he enjoyed sober Y/N better. Granted, he still loved her any other day of the week, but he loved seeing her natural personality when she wasn’t in a dark place at the moment. And she didn’t seem to be now. Sober Y/N was smart. Sober Y/N gave great advice, and before she dropped him off at home, she left him with some.

Jimin typed in the code on the door and the lock clicked with a mechanical whir. Making sure not to make much noise, he shut the door behind him. He made his way upstairs and down the hall. Framed photos of him and Rose dotted the walls, and as time went by, their smiles were more and more forced. No one could tell but them. He eventually stopped in front of the door he was looking for. He softly knocked and he heard a muffled ‘come in.’ He opened the door to his mom’s room where she was sitting in bed, reading glasses on her nose, looking over the blueprints she’d drawn. She was an architect.

“Mom?”

“Yes?”

“Can I talk to you about something?”

Cover photos by @BIGHITTED on Twitter

#bts #bts fanfic #bts x reader #bts angst #jimin #jimin x reader #jimin smut #bts smut

[august-anon]

Complete Masterpost (as of 12/09/2020)

Here is a complete rebloggable masterpost of all my works sorted by fandom. Beneath the fandoms, they are sorted in order of when I posted them. You can also find these on ao3 under august_anon, or on the Masterpost Page on my blog (which is sorted better tbh). Thanks for reading my works!

Total Works: 126

Avatar: The Last Airbender

(’20) Tickletober Day 3 - Stocks - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Aang, Ler!Sokka, Katara, Toph, Zuko - What else is Aang supposed to do when he finds a set of stocks in an abandoned town? NOT see if he could fit in them? 1151 words

(’20) Tickletober Day 9 - Ganged Up On - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Zuko, Ler!Aang, Toph, Katara, Sokka - They'd been plotting all week, and it was driving Zuko insane. The actual reason turned out a lot more innocent than Zuko was worried about. 713 words

Boku No Hero Acadamia (My Hero Acadamia)

(’20) Tickletober Day 18 - Holding It In - [ao3] - EraserMic - Lee!Aizawa/Ler!Yamada - Hizashi demands Husband Cuddles on their day off, but Shouta is being difficult. Luckily, Hizashi knows how to get his way. 799 words

Detroit: Become Human

(’20) Tickletober Day 16 - Massage - [ao3] - RK1000 - Lee!Connor/Ler!Markus - The new software patch has come through, and androids can now feel sensations a lot more similarly to humans. Markus plans to use this to treat his overworked boyfriend to a massage, but things don't quite go as planned. 1770 words

Gravity Falls

(’20) Tickletober Day 1 - Unusual Spot - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Dipper, Ler!Mabel - Mabel not-so-accidentally reveals one of Dipper's tickle spots. 610 words

(’20) Tickletober Day 13 - Wake Up! - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Dipper, Mable, Ler!Stan - Stan may have difficulty recalling anything now, but at least he knows the kids will be a constant. 1691 words

Miraculous Ladybug

(’20) Tickletober Day 15 - Stuck - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Adrien, Ler!Marinette - Thanks to a little yo-yo malfunction, Ladybug finds out something very interesting about her partner. 989 words

(’20) Tickletober Day 17 - Revenge - [ao3] - Gen - Switch!Marinette, Switch!Adrien - In Marinette's humble opinion, this was one of the most ridiculous scenarios she could imagine them finding out each other's identities. 799 words

Sanders Sides(/Cartoon Therapy)

Still Got It - [ao3] - Prinxiety - Lee!Virgil/Ler!Roman - Roman is frustrated that he's never heard Virgil laugh. Logan presents a solution. Turns out, after all these years, Virgil is still ticklish. 2350 words

You Brought The Laughter Back - [ao3] - Prinxiety - Lee!Roman/Ler!Virgil - Virgil may not have the experience Roman has, but his fingers definitely work magic, if Roman's reactions are anything to go by. 2170 words

I’m Not Ticklish - [ao3] - Logince - Lee!Logan/Ler!Roman -  Logan has had a thing for tickling as long as he could remember, and he’s rather good at hiding it. It only takes one slip-up for Roman to find out and make his fantasies come true. 5588 words

Calorie Counting - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Roman, Ler!Patton -  Roman is struggling with his new system of trying to lose weight. Luckily, Patton is always there for him. 1496 words

(’19) Tickletober Day 1 - Feather - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Logan, Ler!Patton, Roman, Virgil -  Someone's been sneak-tickling Logan, and he's determined to find out who. 727 words

(’19) Tickletober Day 2 - Fingers - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Logan, Ler!Patton -  Logan is ever so rudely awoken from his nap. 278 words

(’19) Tickletober Day 3 - Unusual Spots - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Patton, Ler!Roman -Roman finds a rather unusual method of warming his hands, leading to the discovery of a rather unusual spot for Patton to be ticklish. 278 words

(’19) Tickletober Day 4 - Stocks - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Roman, Ler!Logan - Roman agreed to help Logan with some of his "experiments." He would never admit how much he loved it. 864 words

(’19) Tickletober Day 5 - Tools - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Virgil, Ler!Logan -  It's Virgil's turn to help with an experiment, and he's getting a little impatient waiting for what he truly wants. 684 words

(’19) Tickletober Day 6 - Gang Tickling - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Virgil, Ler!Logan, Roman, Patton -  Virgil's been in a certain kind of mood for a number of days, now. It's a shame no one's noticed enough to take advantage of it. 674 words

(’19) Tickletober Day 7 - Light Tickles - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Logan, Ler!Virgil -Logan isn't sleeping. Again. Luckily, Virgil has a remedy. 461 words 

(’19) Tickletober Day 8 - Hard Tickles - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Patton, Ler!Logan -  Patton really wants to be wrecked. Logan is happy to oblige. 455 words

(’19) Tickletober Day 9 - “I’m not ticklish” - [ao3] - Prinxiety - Lee!Roman/Ler!Virgil -  Roman insists he's not ticklish. Virgil insists that's impossible. What else is there to do except test it out? 446 word

(’19) Tickletober Day 10 - Arms Up - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Virgil, Ler!Patton - Virgil did ask for this, after all. Now all he needed to do was actually hold out. 218 words

(’19) Tickletober Day 11 - Sneak Attack - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Patton, Ler!Logan -  Patton is really much more sneaky than anyone gives him credit for. They really should start expecting it by this point. 233 words

(’19) Tickletober Day 12 - Unusual Tool - [ao3] - Royality - Lee!Patton/Ler!Roman - A not-so-peaceful moment together of doing chores leads to the discovery of a new possible tool of torment for Roman and Patton. 269 words

(’19) Tickletober Day 13 - Feet - [ao3] -  Virgil can finally get his revenge on Patton for all the tickling, with the help of a few little piggies. 289 words

(’19) Tickletober 14 - Favorite Spot - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Virgil, Ler!Roman, Patton, Logan -  It was no secret that everyone in the mindpalace had their favorite spots, whether to tickle or be tickled. The rare thing was that, for one specific side, the favorite for everyone was unanimous. 194 words

(’19) Tickletober Day 15 - Cuddles - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Logan, Ler!Virgil, Patton, Roman - Logan's been overworking himself and refuses to relax, even when everyone forces him to take a break. Luckily, his fellow sides know just what to do. 661 words

Work of Art - [ao3] - Logince - Lee!Logan/Ler!Roman -  Roman just really wants to paint on his super attractive boyfriend. Logan, surprisingly (or not so surprisingly), is very willing. 1357 words

(’19) Tickletober Day 16 - Tickly Kiss - [ao3] - Moxiety - Lee!Patton/Ler!Virgil -  Patton's having one of his "bad for no reason" days. Luckily, Virgil always seems to know what to do. 578 words

(’19) Tickletober Day 17 - Tickle Fight - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Patton, Ler!Roman, Virgil, Patton -  Virgil wasn't sure how it started, but he was going to try his hardest not to lose. 211 words

(’19) Tickletober Day 18 - Chase - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Roman, Ler!Patton, Virgil, Logan -  Roman may have wanted it, but he certainly wasn't going to make it easy for them. 194 words

(’19) Tickletober Day 19 - Stuck - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Roman, Ler!Patton -  Roman probably should've thought this through before he did it... 242 words

(’19) Tickletober Day 20 - Hysterical - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Logan, Ler!Virgil -  It's Virgil's turn to experiment. He wants to know what it takes to make Logan hysterical. 343 words

The Attack of the Garra Rufa - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Patton, Ler!Roman -  Roman recently acquired a new spellbook and he is very excited to test out the new spells inside. 712 words

(’19) Tickletober Day 21 - Accidental - [ao3] - Logicality - Lee!Patton/Ler!Logan -  Logan didn't mean to brush against Patton's side, but he definitely didn't expect the reaction it produced. What did Patton expect him to do when he realized the mind palace's tickle monster was ticklish? NOT tickle him? 642 words

(’19) Tickletober Day 22 - Tickly Massage - [ao3] - Logince - Lee!Logan/Ler!Roman - Logan's been overworking again, which was causing his back pain to flare up again. Roman comes by to make sure he has a break. 994 words

We’ll Be Here, Always - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Patton, Ler!Logan, Virgil, Roman -  Patton can't always be happy, as much as he loathed to admit it. Sometimes he had bad days. Sometimes, those bad days had no rhyme or reason or cause. Luckily, his family's always there to support him. 5039 words

Could Use a Laugh - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Virgil, Ler!Patton -  Patton's got his hands on Roman's new spell book. He can't wait to put it to use! His first target? A grumpy little side who could use a little more laughter in his life. 1063 words

The Prettiest Monster - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Roman, Ler!Virgil -  All Roman wanted was to teach Patton makeup. He didn't expect to be playfully attacked in response. 1054 words

Feathery Feet - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Virgil, Ler!Roman -  Roman has decided it's his turn to play with his new tickle spells on the mind palace's favorite emo. 664 words

Revenge is a Dish Best Served Bright - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Patton, Ler!Logan -  Logan knows that Patton is plotting on coming for him next with those silly new spells. He figures the best way to counter that is by getting him first. 892 words

It’s Christmas, Wake Up! - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Virgil, Roman, Logan, Ler!Patton -  Patton thinks his fellow sides are taking a little too long to wake up, and he's ready to start the day's festivities. Luckily, he has the perfect idea for getting them out of bed. 1224 words

Even Santa’s Elves Need Naps - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Patton, Ler!Roman -  Patton's been attempting to take on the monumental task of planning and setting up Christmas all on his own. Roman has decided he needs a break, and maybe a good laugh. 751 words

Dancing Around the Issue - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Roman, Ler!Logan -  They were supposed to be rehearsing. It wasn't Roman's fault he was so ticklish. 1665 words

Prince Feathersword - [ao3] - Logince - Lee!Logan, Patton, Virgil, Ler!Roman -  Roman’s been on a bit of a nostalgia binge, recently, and couldn’t help but remember a special sword a certain tickly pirate had... 3878 words

The Tickle Monster Always Wins - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Roman, Ler!Patton -  Roman really shouldn't have doubted Patton's skills as a ruthless tickle monster. He was really in for it, now. 3220 words

Broken Logic - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Logan, Ler!Virgil -  Logan had done enough ticklish "experiments" on the others to know that they would be ruthless in their revenge, but truly? He wasn't complaining. And he certainly wasn't complaining when he heard Virgil's threat to absolutely break him. 2689 words

Content (Valentickle) - [ao3] - Prinxiety - Switch!Virgil/Switch!Roman -  It was meant to be some cuddling after a Valentines Day well-spent. Not that either of them were complaining with the playful turn things had taken. 1605 words

Kitten’s Got Claws - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Logan, Ler!Virgil -  Virgil’s suspicious of Logan’s motives now that he’s started using Roman’s tickle spellbook as well. He figures he might as well be proactive and get the nerd, first. 895 words

Giddy Kisses - [ao3] - Logince - Lee!Logan/Ler!Roman -  Roman has a quite the sweet gift for Logan. It’s not his fault his boyfriend is so ticklish. 599 words

Scooch - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Virgil, Ler!Roman - The couch may be a comfortable place for a nap, but Virgil is sorely mistaken if he thinks he'll be able to commandeer it for long. 401 words

Joyful Noise - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Virgil, Ler!Logan, Roman, Patton -  Virgil tiredly lets something slip on his Christmas list, but it doesn't turn out as bad as he fears. 1222 words

Cold Fingers, Warm Laughter - [ao3] - LAMP - Switch!Virgil, Logan, Roman, Patton -  Maybe Patton was right and Roman should've worn gloves during their snowball fight, but was that going to stop him from starting something? Absolutely not. 1109 words

Color By Tickles - [ao3] - Gen - Ler!Virgil, Lee!Roman -  Virgil was feeling more confident with these spells, now. Meaning it was the perfect time for revenge on a certain Prince they all knew. 961 words

Connected - [ao3] - Gen - Ler!Logan, Lee!Virgil -  What, did Virgil think that Logan wouldn't get revenge? 596 words

Fluttery Feelings - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Roman, Ler!Magic(?) -  Roman had planned the perfect prank for movie night. He just really hadn't anticipated it backfiring on him. 2229 words

Professor Feathersword - [ao3] - Logince - Lee!Roman/Ler!Logan -  Roman didn't expect revenge, but he wasn't necessarily complaining. 2107 words

Provoked - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Patton, Ler!Logan -  Patton should have known to provoke Logan so far, but really, maybe that was exactly what he’d wanted all along. 967 words

TacTickle Advantage - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Virgil, Ler!Patton -  Virgil should know better than to accept a challenge from Patton when he has that devious grin on his face. 716 words

Distraction - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Emile, Ler!Remy -  Emile slips up and gets a bruise. Remy has just the thing to distract him from the pain. 512 words

So Close - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Logan, Ler!Roman, Virgil, Patton -  Logan was so close to winning the bet, all he had to do was not laugh for another five minutes and he would be in the clear. Of course, it was at that moment Patton had to drop the secret to one of his biggest weaknesses. 945 words

Asking for Attention - [ao3] - Prinxiety - Lee!Roman/Ler!Virgil -  Roman's been pulling pranks all day. Virgil knows what he's really after. 509 words

Patty-Lee - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Patton, Ler!Roman, Virgil, Logan -  Patton's in a dangerous ler mood, but the others decide it's high time he got a taste of his own medicine. 1137 words

Learn Your Lesson - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Patton, Ler!Virgil -  Patton should’ve known better than to go after Virgil alone. Now he was really in for it. 1181 words

“Feared” Ler - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Roman, Patton, Logan, Ler!Virgil -  When Virgil gave you that grin, you knew to submit yourself to your fate. 1660 words

Get Up - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Roman, Ler!Patton - Patton just wants to get up and have breakfast! Roman, unfortunately, is being a little stubborn. 1076 words

Changing Channels - [ao3] - Gen - Switch!Logan, Switch!Virgil -  Virgil’s sick of Logan’s documentary, but he’s not exactly keen on changing the channel. Needless to say, a playful little fight breaks out. 846 words

Dance if You Can - [ao3] - Prinxiety - Lee!Virgil, Ler!Roman -  Roman held the unofficial title of “Best Dancer” whenever their friend group played Just Dance. Virgil, the new addition, was about to show him how it’s done, but Roman was nothing if not competitive. 2975 words

Broken Rules - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Virgil, Ler!Patton - Virgil knew the consequences if he broke the rules of the challenge, he really did. And yet, here Patton was, needing to give him his “punishment.” Maybe it wasn’t a punishment at all, based off Virgil’s reactions. 702 words

Helpful - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Logan, Ler!Virgil -  Logan’s neck has been hurting him. Virgil’s only trying to help. 551 words

Prince Gigglee - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Roman, Ler!Virgil, Patton, Logan -  Roman’s in a very giggly mood. Logan finally figures out why. 1021 words

Not So Fast - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Virgil, Ler!Logan -  Virgil isn’t quite as sneaky as he thinks he is, asking for something indirectly. 634 words

Let’s Hang Out - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Virgil, Ler!Logan -  If Roman was going to (albeit accidentally) ignore him, then Virgil was going to ignore Roman right back. He just didn't expect the consequences that followed. 2085 words

Shark Attack - [ao3] - Gen - Switch!Virgil, Switch!Logan - Logan and Virgil are together again for summer break, and Virgil decides he'd like to play one of their childhood games to reminisce. 1210 words

Countdown - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Virgil, Logan, Patton, Ler!Roman - Roman has a favorite game he likes to play with the other Sides. While most of them would never admit it, they like playing it with him, too. 1085 words

Bedtime - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Patton, LerLogan - Patton is refusing to go to bed, but Logan has a few tricks up his sleeves. 685 words

If You Do... - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Roman, Ler!Virgil - Roman had asked Virgil to do his makeup, but he hadn't anticipated how much the makeup brushes would tickle. 536 words

Bonding Exercises - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Virgil, Ler!Emile - Emile thinks that he and Virgil need to bond, and he has the perfect idea as to how. 699 words

Better Than Coffee - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Logan, Ler!Virgil -  All Virgil had really been after was a hug. It wasn't his fault Logan was so sensitive. 280 words

Losses and Laughter - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Logan, Ler!Virgil -  Really, Logan should've known better than to make that bet. But was it really the worst way to lose? 332 words

Tricks and Teases - [ao3] - Analogical - Switch!Virgil/Switch!Logan - Logan had been planning to tickle his boyfriend silly. Not have it go the other way around. 548 words

Instincts - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Patton, Ler!Roman - It wasn’t Patton’s fault he squirmed so much at even the threat of being tickled! 316 words

Delicious Laughter - [ao3] - Logicality - Lee!Patton/Ler!Logan - Patton had the perfect plan set out to get Logan to tickle him. Logan just happened to go a little off script. 425 words

Fall of the Fortress - [ao3] - Logicality - Switch!Patton/Switch!Logan - Really, all Patton had wanted to do was cuddle. But when a tickle war was started? He was not going to go down without a fight. 733 words

Bully - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Roman, Ler!Logan - Logan's been teasing Roman all day, and he really hopes there's a laughter-filled payout after all this. 400 words

Begging For Lies - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Virgil, Ler!Roman - Virgil should've known better than to provoke Roman, seeing how ruthless he could be. But maybe that was exactly what Virgil was counting on. 469 words

Cookie Monster - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Patton, Ler!Virgil - Virgil helps Patton pass the time until his cookies are done. 560 words

Dr. Monster, M.D. - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Logan, Ler!Roman - Well, if Logan thought his ideas were too fantastical and unrealistic, Roman would just have to use that against him, wouldn't he? 458 words

Please? - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Roman, Ler!Virgil - Virgil isn't normally so bold, but with Roman looking at him like that, how could he resist? 390 words

Noisy Giggles - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Roman, Ler!Patton - Patton had no idea that vocal cords could tickle someone so well. 503 words

Learn to Lie - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Roman, Ler!Virgil - Virgil just wants his makeup back. If only Roman would own up to his thievery. 425 words

It’s Okay to Laugh - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Logan, Ler!Virgil - During some late-night bonding, Virgil decides to help Logan loosen up a bit. 586 words

Cuddle Time - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Virgil, Ler!Patton - Patton’s in the mood to cuddle. 202 words

Strange Spot - [ao3] - Remile - Lee!Remy/Ler!Emile - Emile makes a fun discovery about Remy. 265 words

Glittery Giggles - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Roman, Ler!Logan - Logan thinks he deserves some payback after Roman’s latest prank. 522 words

Lazy Day by Law - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Patton, Ler!Roman - Roman's made it his job to make sure Patton obey's the laws of "Lazy Day." 425 words

Problem Solving - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Roman, Ler!Logan - After a long day of Roman being purposefully irritable, Logan finally finds out the reason. What kind of friend would he be if he didn't help Roman out? 537 words

The Labyrinth - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Roman, Ler!Patton - When Roman finds himself in a certain kind of mood, he knows who to ask. 677 words

Bready or Not - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Logan, Ler!Roman - Logan should've known that Roman noticed his moods. At least he was willing to help out. 795 words

Star Trek: The Next Generation

(’20) Tickletober Day 5 - Drawn On - [ao3] - DaForge - Lee!Geordi/Ler!Data - Data had only wanted to experiment with a new form of art, Geordi couldn't fault Data for his own sensitivity interrupting them. 674 words

Star Trek: The Original Series

(’20) Tickletober Day 14 - Light Tickles - [ao3] - Spirk - Lee!Spock/Ler!Jim - In a quiet moment, Jim discovers something new about Spock. 961 words

Supernatural

(’20) Tickletober Day 12 - Hard Tickles - [ao3] - Destiel - Switch!Dean/Switch!Castiel - Dean should know better than to start a tickle fight with an angel. 349 words

The Adventure Zone: Balance

Touch - [ao3] - Taakitz - Lee!Taako/Ler!Kravitz - Touch and Taako have always had an interesting relationship, but it was time he started figuring it out with this new world, since they seemed to be sticking around. 2349 words

Not-So-Silent Treatment - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Taako, Ler!Magnus - When Taako decides to give Magnus the silent treatment, he decides that that just won’t do. 324 words

Taaco Fight - [ao3] - Gen - Switch!Lup, Switch!Taako -  Tickle fights aren’t exactly an uncommon occurrence between the twins. 346 words

Need Something? - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Taako, Ler!Lucretia - Taako is the type to annoy people until he gets what he wants. Lucretia isn't the type to take that sort of behavior. 484 words

Attention and Affection - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Taako, Ler!Magnus - Magnus knows exactly how to deal with Taako when he's looking for attention. 418 words

Don’t Stop - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Taako, Ler!Magnus - It wasn’t the response Magnus was expecting from Taako, but who was he to deny such a request? 301 words

Sore Loser - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Taako, Ler!Lup - Taako lost the bet, and now he had to deal with the consequences. 460 words

(’20) Tickletober Day 8 - Interrogation - [ao3] - Gen - Lee!Magnus, Ler!Taako - Taako's hat is missing and he's going to find the culprit, no matter what it takes. 707 words

(’20) Tickletober Day 11 - Death Spot - [ao3] - Taakitz - Lee!Kravitz/Ler!Taako - Kravitz had long know Taako's death spot, having found it far too easily. Taako has to work a bit harder to find Kravitz's. 1096 words

Witcher

You Like It - [ao3] - Geraskier - Lee!Jaskier/Ler!Geralt - For a man who claims to know what tickling is "in theory," Geralt certainly has a lot of questions. He might even require a demonstration. 2018 words

Maybe I Like It, Too - [ao3] - Geraskier - Lee!Geralt/Ler!Jaskier -  Jaskier knew that everyone had to be at least a little ticklish somewhere, and he wasn't going to give up until he had Geralt laughing underneath him. 3239 words

Just Let Go - [ao3] - Geraskier - Lee!Geralt/Ler!Jaskier -  Geralt would never admit it out loud, but he quite enjoys the touches that Jaskier blesses him with. And then Jaskier figures out that he's sensitive to a different kind of touch. 1470 words

Fresh Discoveries - [ao3] - Geraskier - Switch!Geralt, Switch!Jaskier  -  Jaskier makes a rather interesting discovery while helping Geralt during one of his baths. 617 words

Get His Attention - [ao3] - Geraskier - Switch!Jaskier/Switch!Geralt -  Jaskier was determined to get Geralt’s attention, no matter what it took. 905 words

Wake-Up Call - [ao3] - Geraskier - Lee!Jaskier/Ler!Geralt -  Geralt is awake and ready to go, now the only issue is getting Jaskier up. 819 words

Beauty in Strength - [ao3] - Geraskier - Lee!Geralt/Ler!Jaskier - Jaskier's found a new game: brushing against scars and asking after them. If only it wasn't so ticklish when he did so. 2271 words

Snickers and Snorts - [ao3] - Geraskier - Lee!Geralt/Ler!Jaskier - It was one of Jaskier's favorite games to play, "How Long Until the Big Bad Witcher Admits He's Ticklish." As of yet, Jaskier hadn't technically won, but that didn't mean he was going to give up. 1119 words

Dissonance - [ao3] - Geraskier - Lee!Geralt/Ler!Jaskier - Geralt thought that Jaskier should know better than to annoy him. Jaskier proved to him that Geralt should know better than to provoke him. 906 words

Does This Tickle? - [ao3] - Geraskier - Lee!Geralt/Ler!Jaskier -  Jaskier insists that he’s not that ticklish. Geralt proves otherwise. 599 words

(’20) Tickletober Day 2 - Feathers - [ao3] - Jaskier seems to have misplaced his quill. He finds himself in a rather ticklish position once Geralt finds it. 1663 words

(’20) Tickletober Day 4 - Spidering - [ao3] - Geraskier - Switch!Geralt/Switch!Jaskier - Geralt is not nearly as amused with Jaskier's Halloween decorations as Jaskier thinks he should be. 1216 words

(’20) Tickletober Day 6 - Kiss - [ao3] - Geraskier - Lee!Geralt/Ler!Jaskier - Geralt's a bit weird about having his neck touched. Turns out, it wasn't for the reasons Jaskier thought. 1863 words

(’20) Tickletober Day 7 - Unusual Tool - [ao3] - Geraskier - Switch!Geralt/Switch!Jaskier - Jaskier's impulse-buy leads to a rather giggly evening, in the Rivia-Pankratz household. 854 words

(’20) Tickletober Day 10 - Feet - [ao3] - Geraskier - Lee!Jaskier/Ler!Geralt - Jaskier's complaining about the roughness of Geralt's feet, so Geralt gives him something else to complain about. 317 words

#blog maintenance #masterpost #My writing #sanders sides tickling #the witcher tickling #atla tickling #taz:b tickling #taz tickling #bnha tickling #dbh tickling #gravity falls tickling #miraculous ladybug tickling #star trek tickling #tickle fic

[hklnvgl]

Fan Fic Tag Game 2020

Ao3 Name: dorypop

Fandoms: hm mostly the raven cycle but i’ve also written for all for the game, harry potter and avatar this year

1. Fic that was the hardest to write/you spent the most time on: skinny fleas. i started writing it before summer, but then i had trouble finding aurora’s voice, and then i started writing other stuff that came easier to me so i just kept procrastinating on this one. but it’s literally the only adam & aurora fic currently up on ao3 and i love the idea and the first 2k words, so i just had to write to be able to read it, you know? i had two weeks of leave from work in october and i spent them finishing wips, and even though i needed some more time after that for the finishing touches i really applied myself to this one.

2. Fic you spent the least time on/easiest to write:  the snow is melting (aftg). i honestly had the idea and started typing at a break at work and i didn’t bother to fix plot holes and stuff. i just wrote it in like two days and posted it and moved on with my life.

3. Longest Fic: i’m going to consider all 5 parts in my fifteen years later series as different fics, so it’ll be the miracle came with a pop (52379 words | hp). i didn’t write all that in 2020 but i did finish it this year so let’s say it counts.

4. Shortest Fic:  i don't want to screw this up (536 words | atla). it was a short ficlet born from a tumblr prompt.

5. Fic you were nervous to post: hm so i wrote a kinda quarantine/covid fic back in march and at first it was supposed to be this cute “and they were quarantined together” thing but then my brain started providing unhelpful info and the only way i found to deal with how scary everything felt was to write that. i then got a very angry anon comment which was probably my first ever anon hate? so i’m now a bit ashamed of that fic? but i’m not taking it down bc ao3 is an archive so it’ll stay there. plus i like the title (spring will be spring)

6. How do you choose your titles: oh boy. ok so in summer 2019 i started reading haiku poetry from a very pretty bilingual edition of poems by akutagawa. i just fell in love with the format bc it’s normally very visual and evocative but also super short, so my attention span doesn’t suffer. since then i’ve bought a few more books in the same collection and i dog-ear the pages of the poems that i like or that i think could work as titles while i read them. later, when looking for a title, i sit myself to think what the fic is about and browse those dog-eared poems in search of the perfect one. sometimes i’ll also google “spring+haiku” or something if i can’t find the perfect one. then i just choose a line from the poem. i know it’s a lot of work and probably nobody notices but! it makes me happy!

7. Fave Fic you read: oh i got so many! i bookmark all my fav finished fics

8. Fave Fic you wrote:  in vino veritas (drunk pynch). it looks really similar to what i was picturing in my mind.

9. Fave comment: i appreciate and love all my comments but i especially like the few i’ve got with requests/suggestions of things to possibly include in my fifteen years later series, bc then i get to plan around those things to maybe put them in the text and it’s super fun!

10. Fic you want to rewrite/expand on: i don’t want to rewrite it at all, but one of the aus that i’ve written that i think has space to grow is there is a world (my hogwarts au)

11. Share a bit of your WIP or share a story idea that you’re planning:

(it’s from part 6 of the fifteen years later series!)

Adam’s phone vibrated in his pocket. It was a text from Harvey.

ronan says to tell u foods ready

Adam snorted. Ronan usually yelled at him to come down.

Adam got up and washed his hands, feeling a pang of shame curl around his ribs. Ronan was probably as freaked out as Adam was, and Adam was here feeling sorry for himself and having a mild anxiety attack while Ronan was braving the fort downstairs. He should be supporting him instead, kissing away the wrinkle he always got between his eyebrows when he worried. This was all Adam’s idea to begin with.

12. What was your goal for your fics this year? Did you meet it?: i didn’t really have a goal? i wasn’t planning on writing so much this year actually! back in january i was only thinking i wanted to finish the miracle came with a pop and then never write long fic ever again, and i’ve mostly succeeded—i just need to think of the installments in my harvey series as separate fics, and i’m good to go!

13. What is your goal for your fics next year?: i have the idea for one more installment for harvey that i’m definitely going to write, and after that i think i might take a break for a while (but maybe i’ll get new ideas?? so i’ll never stop???)

14. Highlight of your fandom year: i’ve met really wonderful people through fandom this year. it’s been hellish and i’ve mostly fled every other social media/platform except from tumblr and ao3, so it’s really wonderful that i still want to come here and talk about fictional stuff

15. Highlight of your personal year: oh well it’s been quite bad? mostly due to covid, sure, but i also had some major things come up back in february and early march that were quite hard, and then i had to learn to live with constant changes of plans. i’ve redecorated my whole room though and it feels really welcoming and cozy so that’s a great thing 2020 has brought.

thank you very much to @creativefiend19 for tagging me!! i’m tagging @ailec-12 @pumpkinpadparadscha & everyone else who feels like doing it!

#trc #fic #aftg #hp #d #tag game #skinny fleas #the snow is melting #the miracle came with a pop #15 years later #spring will be spring #there is a world #snow on bamboo grass #in vino veritas

[deeeelightfuldee]

Your ex taps you on the shoulder and says, “I still love you.” You say? ooooof. I don’t think i’d buy that. I hardly think people who DO show they have feelings for me are being truthful, so I doubt that.

Do you play video games? haven’t in some time, but I want to get back into it a little.

Do you spend a lot of time with family? oh heck yeah. I have a really great family.

Is your house more than two stories tall? nah, it’s the two stories with a basement.

Have you ever hit your significant other? Has he/she ever hit you? I will never raise my hands to another human being. I once dated someone who was a veteran and had severe ptsd. we were napping one time and he got aggressive. that wasn’t HIM though. 

What makes you an attractive person? (Talk about your personality too!) physically, I suppose I have nice eyes and a decent smile. personality wise, I am warm, friendly, loving, supportive, sometimes funny, very loyal.

What color is your hairbrush/comb? depends which one I use. I have a pink one right now. 

What snacks do you have available in your household atm? I honestly haven’t got a clue. I haven’t been let out of my room in 2 weeks.

Has anyone recently told you that they like you, or find you attractive? yes. it’s weird.

Are you attracted to the last person you Facebook messaged? DEF not. he has been asking me out since we worked together maybeeeee.. 8-9 years ago? 

Do you care about anyone that doesn’t care about you? yes! I am trying to learn how to undo that. it’s not that I don’t want to care about him, but I know and can soooooooo clearly see that he doesn’t care anymore, and it is extremely emotionally draining to watch.

Was your last Facebook friend requests from a male or female? I wanna say female but idk

Which one of your relatives is most likely to embarrass you? scott

When was the last time you ate a bar of chocolate? couple days ago.

Do you play any games on Facebook? Nope.

What would you like to get a degree in? I have two degrees -- one in psych and one in SLP. 

Do you wake up a lot in the middle of the night? ahahahaha yes. almost always wide awake from 3-6

Would you prefer to read a book, watch a movie or TV show, or play a video game? typically more in the movie/show or book mood.

Do you usually get popcorn or soda at the movie theater? Both. nothing like that buttery, salty goodness that obvs requires an enormous drink

What genre of films do you like the best? either make me EXTREMELY sad, or romantic.

How many bank accounts do you have? 2

Have you ever had the flu? Yeah.

What is your goal for the next few months? i have several. the only one that can/will be public right now, is to get my lungs back to functioning as they were.

Have you ever had some kind of sleep-disorder? How did it affect your life? yes. I have very bad breathing during sleep. I have had 11 sleep studies done, because my breathing will just stop randomly, which luckily my brain wakes me. it doesn’t really affect my like severely.. I function normally. but shoooooot, if I got normal levels of sleep i’d be a force to be reckoned with.

Have you ever had food poisoning before? Describe the experience. Yes. It was AWFUL. vomiting for 2 days straight. it was so gross.

Funny, charming, cute, romantic, smart - choose only 2 for the opposite sex. smart and romantic.

Have you ever let somebody use you? Why did you do it? hmm. I think there have been times where i’ve let people have more access to me than they should have had. or there have definitely been times I’ve been used in school groups. But honestly, I tend to be protective of myself. I stop when I feel enough is enough. 

You can go back in time & change something in your mom’s past - what is it? I would want either Bill to not die, or for her to be spoiled incessantly by someone else.

Do you know anybody who is around the exact same size as you? Who? psh. no. my friends are all tiny which is just not fun.

Ever been to a haunted house? How scared were you? Yeah. i found it so fun.

Been on any websites today you wouldn’t want your parents to see? ahahahaha no. 

Which is worse: dusting or mopping? mopping. i hate doing the floors.

Did you pull a senior prank? Not really advised when a homeschooler. 

Did you graduate? Yes. that was a rough, rough day.

Have you ever been unfaithful in a serious relationship? Nope

What was the last song you listened to? i think it was Happier than Ever by billie eilish. the lyrics are ... woof. 

Are you one of those lucky people with 20/20 vision? 20/12 -- the last time I had insurance anyway.

Is fashion one of your interests? honestly, if I had money, it would be. but it isnt right now.

Do you think you’ll eventually find that special someone? It’s getting harder and harder to believe that will be the case. I knowwwww I need to start dating, but every time I go to open up an app, I hesitate and chicken out. I just was so happy before.. its hard to think I could be able to offer anything to anyone right now.

Do you care what people think? veryyyyyy few people. I care about the thoughts of those I genuinely love and respect. However, I still ensure I’m protecting myself regardless.

Is acting something you enjoy? No. 

What was the last thing you broke/sprained? I have a bum knee, so I sprain that from time to time. I last broke a finger.

Have you ever fought with a friend because of their boyfriend/girlfriend? Because of yours? ahahahaha yes. but years ago. never because of mine.

Has a stranger ever yelled at you for your language? No. I don’t cuss. 

Whose house, other than yours and your families’, are you most comfortable at? probably either nathan’s or em’s.

Has any of your friends’ family ever yelled at you? alix’s family used to yell at me a lot for being fat. that used to mess me up. 

Did you ever play a sport as a little kid? Did you enjoy it? soccer. no, i found the endless running to be unnecessary. 

Did you ever watch the show Full House? yup

Is there a celebrity you are just DETERMINED to marry? no, thats so out-of-touch with reality

Have you ever burned someone’s picture? yes, i have.

What’s the longest hike you’ve ever been on? i think it was 8 hours. I hate hate hate hikes. But, thats because I have really weak lungs, so my doctor says it’s like lighting them on fire.

Would you ever get a lip tattoo? No.

Who is the first person of the opposite sex that pops into your head? kile

Do your parents smoke cigarettes? my mom hasn’t since a teenager. I think my dad does still. though, i dunno for certain.

What does one of your T-shirts have written on it? uhhhh, PTK honors society

Name a pet you definitely wouldn’t want. Any reptile or insect. <<<< same

Would you prefer your partner smaller or taller? Taller. 

Do you enjoy going through old pictures? Yes. very much so.

Do you believe people when they say they don’t judge people? No, i respect people who are truthful saying they either try not to judge, or that they do judge despite their desire to stop.

What did you love the most about the town you grew up in? sooooooo much. it’s small town-y, quiet, safe, lots of trees, family close by.

What’s a movie you cried the hardest during? ps i love you will always shatter my heart.

What’s your favorite restaurant? buona or ashford

Is there a dessert you don’t like? im not wild about pastries.

What’s a book that you read because everyone else was reading it? hmmm maybe that one mrs. pettigrews home for peculiar children.

Underwater or outer space? i’m fascinated by both. typically more interested in the water.

Dogs or cats? both. all of them.

Kittens or puppies? kittens.

Bird watching or whale watching? whales!!!!!!!!

What was your best subject in school? in HS probably history. or science. in college, psych or neuro.

What was your worst subject in school? Math. always freakin’ math.

What is one thing you wish you knew in high school? Uhhh. hm. i don’t think anything. I liked my experience.

Who is your fashion icon? nada.

Diamonds or pearls? Both are nice. I love pearl stud earrings and I really want a simple, one pearl necklace. I am kinda ruined for diamonds for some time. My favorite rings and necklace were diamonds from kile and I just cant bring myself to wear those anymore.

What color dress did you wear to prom? pink

Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now? oh sure. I am envious of those with bangin’ bods. I’m envious of those who have great finances. I am envious of those who live life married to their love. I’m envious of people who see kile regularly. But there are difficulties that come with any of those situations.

Honestly, when was the last time you REALLY cried your heart out? not long ago. the whole crushing reality of losing kile just destroyed me. I’m OK now.

Do you need to return anyone’s phone call? ahahahahah. I just reject all calls.

Who are you closest to? My mom and nathan rn.

Have you ever had a bad concert experience? no

Are you currently sad about anything? several things have recently been really saddening, but I’m ok. Ill get thru it.

Have you had any form of exercise today? Its going to be some time before I’m cleared for that. I almost faint from taking a shower and I have to be on oxygen after doing the one flight of stairs. 

Can you handle blood? doesn’t bother me at all.

Has any place hired you underage for a job? yes. I mean technically, I was legal to work in that I was 17, but the company didn’t want to hire younger than 18.

Have you ever carried a concealed weapon? not like in public, but at a house or gun range, yes.

Are you currently searching for a job? soon.

Does eating breakfast make you sick? i’m never ever ever hungry for it. I know i should, but its the worst. I don’t even like breakfast foods.

[farfromtommy]

my sun and stars // dad!Tony Stark x daughter!reader

A/N: so I had originally written the beginning of this for nice to meet you but then I decided that it needed to be its own fic and omg did it happen. I cried basically the whole time. I hope you guys like it as much as I do. dad!Tony makes me soft. please let me know what you think!!!!

My requests are open! 

summary: Tony being the world’s best dad 

Warning: like 2 swear words, overwhelming fluff 

Word count: 2,918

masterlist 

Tony Stark had made his fair share of mistakes in his life. He’s human. But the one thing he knew he always did right was raising his daughter, Y/N. She was the light of his life. She made his life worth living. Y/N came into Tony’s life at a seemingly perfect time. Her presence in his home pulled him out of his “playboy” ways and into his new role as a dad. 

Her mother, knowing the lifestyle of Tony, decided that she didn’t want to be connected to him in anyway. Giving up her daughter was the hardest thing she had ever had to do in her life, but it was best thing she could’ve done for everyone involved. She even left giving her a name up to Tony, knowing very well if she gave her a name it would make it that much harder to give her to her dad. 

When Tony first saw himself in this tiny human, his entire life changed. A switched was flipped inside him and he was taking fatherhood by the horns and “making it his bitch”, as he confidently stated to Happy. He looked at everything her mother had left in a folder. Her birth certificate only had one name on it, and it was his. She didn’t have an identity. Her mother had refused to put her name on the certificate, cutting every tie to her newborn possible. 

Tony looked back at Y/N as she was staring back at him with her big beautiful eyes. She looked at him like he was the only thing that mattered in the world, and he looked at her the same way.  He intended to keep that look on her face for as long as he could. Because at that moment in time, Tony knew that his world no longer revolved around himself. She was his sun.  

Tony had his very first taste of parenthood just a few short minutes after meeting Y/N. She had completely soiled her diaper and the onesie she was wearing. He had never once changed a diaper. Luckily, Y/N’s mother had left a few diapers in a bag for Tony so he wasn’t completely screwed. After a couple of failed attempts and minutes of his daughter screeching, she was all cleaned up and fast asleep in his arms. 

As he was holding her, he was ordering every single thing necessary for a baby. After some time online shopping and a couple thousand dollars later, he had everything he could possibly need and more. The one thing he was most excited about was the baby sling. He would put it on himself so he could carry Y/N hands free. He could already see her sleeping peacefully on his chest while he is whirring around creating his next big invention. 

Everything had been delivered and was on its way to being set up. Tony had set Happy our for bottles and formula while he was busy shopping for baby clothes and accessories. By the time Happy returned and helped Tony feed and get Y/N back to sleep, they were setting up all of the new furniture in Tony’s extravagant master bedroom. 

He had her crib against the wall right next to his bed, the rocking chair tucked in the corner, and the changing table that doubled as a dresser pushed against the wall next to her crib. He had a new rug across the floor by the entire baby section of his room. 

The juxtaposition of his things and Y/N’s things was truly a sight to see. 

He had boxes littered across his room. Some filled with clothes, some filled with diapers and wipes. As he was putting some of her clothes in the dresser, he heard her start to whimper from her crib. 

He finished folding the onesie he had in his hands and walked over to the crib. She then started to cry and he quickly picked her up and started soothing her to try and get her to calm down. He looked over at his clocked and it read 12:43 am. 

“I bet you’re hungry my little love, let’s go get you some food.” he quietly said to her and continued to soothe her as they went to the kitchen together. He made a bottle for her and as soon as it was ready he gave it to her and she immediately took to it. He walked back into his room and sat on the rocking chair as she quickly finished her bottle. 

He brought her up to his shoulders to burp her and pat her back softly. He had been reading parenting blogs and forums while she was sleeping so he could try and figure out everything he needed to do as a new parent. 

He was so overwhelmed with all this new information flooding into his brain, he thought it would explode. He was the CEO of a multi-billion dollar company and was Iron Man, surely he could figure this parenting thing out. 

One of the things he had read about was skin to skin contact. It was usually done between mother and child during breastfeeding, but fathers also did it to create a bond with their child. Tony carefully stood up and placed Y/N on the changing table to take her white onesie off. He lifted his own shirt off and tossed it haphazardly on the floor. He picked Y/N up again and made his way back to the rocking chair. 

He put his legs up on the ottoman and leaned back, bringing Y/N’s head up to where his heart is and let her lay on his chest. Her tiny fingers grazed the metal of the arc reactor placed in the middle of his chest and he just watched every move she made. His big hands holding her body so she wouldn’t slip off brought so much comfort to the both of them. 

Eventually both Tony and Y/N fell asleep in that position. Both of them exhausted from the long day they had. A couple hours later Tony was woken up by Y/N stirring on his chest. He woke up slowly and looked at the clock again. 3:12 am. Y/N was hungry again and by the smell of it, desperately needed a diaper change. He changed her diaper quickly and once again, grabbed another bottle for her. Although he was tired and wanted to sleep for an eternity. He was the only person able to do this for her. 

He was her person. 

And she was surely enough becoming his. 

He was taking to this dad thing really well. He never knew he could love a tiny human as much as he loved Y/N. She was everything to him. 

Weeks had gone by and Tony and Y/N were absolutely inseparable. Tony had taken time off of work to adjust to his new life as a father and to have this time to really bond with Y/N. They had finally gotten a schedule down that worked for them. Tony took time to work a little bit while she was asleep so his company didn’t completely fall apart. But as soon as he saw her start to wake up through the baby monitor he had made, he stopped everything and rushed to her side. 

Tony was strongly considering taking his technology to the baby market, because he was absolutely killing it with his new creations for Y/N. Somehow he was able to make things just a little bit easier for him. He had even considered creating a robot nanny but figured that probably wouldn’t end well. 

At 11 months old Y/N was completely killing it at the baby game. She was starting to let go of things as she was starting to walk, she had said her first word, which was obviously ‘dada’, and with everything she did she made her dad proud beyond words. 

Tony couldn’t believe it’s been almost a whole year since Y/N came into his life and he would cry if he thought about it too long. After a few months of working from home Tony had returned to work full time. He did not want to leave Y/N with a nanny, he didn’t trust anyone with his precious daughter. Before he returned to work he had created a space in his office dedicated to Y/N. 

He had a play pen which doubled as crib and dozens of toys and books for her to entertain herself with as her dad worked. The system he had made for taking care of his daughter while also running Stark Industries was one that was hard to perfect, but once he did, it was like clockwork. 

Y/N had taken to his assistant, Pepper, really well. She was there for Y/N when Tony wasn’t available at that exact moment in time. Pepper would often interrupt Tony’s meetings, much to the dismay of the executives in the room with him. She would give her off to Tony and the cries of the toddler would immediately subside, as she was in the arms of her person. Tony would continue the meeting on with Y/N attached to him. Her tiny arms wrapped around his neck and one of his arms supporting her, and the other gesturing towards whatever he was talking about. 

Sometimes he would even bring the baby carrier in and would have you strapped to his chest as he was working so his mobility wasn’t affected. It was such a normal thing to see Tony walking around the building with his daughter strapped to his chest, people stopped staring in confusion and just kept going with their day. 

Celebrating the 1st birthday of his daughter was maybe one of the most bittersweet days of Tony’s life. He loved being able to raise such an amazing human being, but hated seeing her grow up before his own eyes. She had changed so much in the year she had been on this earth. Tony had thrown the most extravagant 1 year olds birthday planet in the history of time. 

Tony smiled the most amazing smile as he heard everyone sing happy birthday to his daughter, and he held her as they both blew out the candles to her cake. Y/N had absolutely no idea what was happening but the noise and excitement just made her bubble. Tony helped Y/N destroy her piece of cake as she was mostly getting it all over her face and body. 

He looked at her fondly as she continued to smear frosting all over herself. Tony wanting the time with his baby back. He missed being able to hold her in the crook of his arm while she ate. She had such an amazing future ahead of her and he was ready for the ride. 

Y/N started school at the age of 4, going on 5.  Tony had decided to put her into public school to give her the best shot at a normal life. She was already so ahead of her grade level and was surpassing the learning expectations of a 4 year old. Dropping her off at school every morning broke his heart so much. But he loved seeing her face light up every time she saw one of her friends on her way to class. 

He always dropped her off at the door of her classroom and gave her a hug and kiss before he left for work. He was there every day to pick her up so she could tell him all about her day before she forgot what happened. She always went on and on about the things she did with her best friend Peter (:D) did in class. She talked about what she learned about and the books she read. He loved hearing about her day, it was one of the greatest parts of his day. 

They drove back to Tony’s office and walked through the doors hand in hand. Y/N greeted everyone she saw, knowing most of their names. She always ran up to Pepper and wrapped her tiny arms around her neck as Pepper bent down to give her a hug. Tony always took time to help Y/N with her homework when they got back. 

After they finished whatever homework she had for the day, Tony went back to work and Y/N stayed in his office in the corner dedicated to her. She had a tiny table and a chair so she could sit and draw or color, a bookshelf with tons of books that she loved to read, and anything else that could entertain a 4 year old for a few hours. 

“It’s time to go home little love. Go grab all your things and say goodbye to Pepper.” Tony said to Y/N walking into his office. “Okay daddy.” Y/N said grabbing her backpack from the floor and racing out the door to say bye to Pepper. Tony grabbed everything he needed and walked out of his office to get Y/N from Pepper’s desk. 

This time Tony carried Y/N out of the building as she said she was too tired to walk and wanted her dad to carry her out. Tony could never say no to her. They walked out to Tony’s car and he buckled her into her car seat as she was slowly falling asleep. 

Tony had felt a presence come up behind him and he was quick to react by secretly putting on his Iron Man blasters, ready to fight off whoever was trying to sneak up on him. He quickly turned around shutting the door, shielding his daughter from whatever was going to happen. 

He was met with the face of Nick Fury. “I’m not gonna hurt you Tony, or your daughter. Just wanted to have a chat with you.” Fury said, walking closer to Tony. “Whatever you’re selling, I’m not interested.” Tony shut down his blasters and walked around to the drivers side. He opened his side and got in. Starting the engine and wanting to drive away. Fury knocked on the window of his car, Tony rolled his eyes and opened the window. 

“I’m not interested in whatever you’re trying to talk me into.” Tony repeated himself. 

“I just want to talk to you about an idea I have. It’s called the Avenger initiative Take a look.” Fury tossed a file down on the passenger seat of Tony’s car. He sighed and grabbed the file and flipped through it. 

“Looks like you got it all figured out. What do you need me for?” He said handing the file back to Fury.

 “I want you to take control of it, need be. You have the capability to and I don’t know anyone else who is better equipped to take point on this. Just think about it and get back to me.” Fury tapped on the top of the car and walked away. 

Tony sighed deeply and ran his fingers through his hair. He looked back at his sleeping daughter in the backseat, completely unaware of what just happened. A small smile came to his face as he continued to look at her. He knew what Fury wanted him to do wasn’t easy and could put him in harms way. But if it was something he needed to do to keep you safe from everything that would want to hurt you, he would do it. He has promised you from day 1 that he would do everything in his power to make sure you were always safe. He wanted to make the world perfect for his sweet angel, and didn’t know where to start. 

This seemed like a place to start, and it fell right into his seat. He got out of his car and looked towards the direction Fury walked in and yelled out to him. 

“I’m in, Fury. Send me everything you have on this and I’ll take a look.” He shouted. 

Fury turned around and shot him a thumbs up and turned back around, walking towards his car. 

“I have one condition, though.” Tony shouted. Fury stopped walking and turned around slowly. 

“And what might that be?” He questioned. 

“If I’m gonna work with you on this, you keep her out of every record you have on me. I don’t want her in any database. It’s like she doesn’t exist to S.H.I.E.L.D. If anyone asks about her, you don’t know. No one knows. That is my only condition.” He said, looking at Y/N sleeping through the window. 

Fury nodded at him and got into his car. Tony did the same and started his drive back home. 

For the past 10 years Y/N and Tony have been working side by side. A few years after Fury approached Tony about the Avenger Initiative, it was activated and was in full swing. Everyone involved have had their fair share of battles the past few years. 

Now at the age of 15, Y/N works with her dad developing new and improved technology for the whole team. She was probably the smartest 15 year old on the planet. Tony had built the Avengers compound in upstate New York, where you both lived along side the Avengers. 

Everyone there quickly became like family and Y/N absolutely loved it. Her entire life had been just her and Tony in his big mansion, even with the frequent visits from Pepper and Happy, it still got lonely. 

Now with a team of superheroes in her living room, there was never a chance to be lonely. 

#Tony stark #dad!tony stark x daughter!reader #dad!Tony stark #Tony stark x reader #dad!tony #dad!Tony stark x reader #tony stark x daughter!reader #rdj #tony stark fluff #Tony stark imagine #Tony stark x y/n #Tony stark x you #Tony stank #avengers #mcu #marvel #marvel x reader #marvel x y/n #avenger initiative #iron man #iron man x reader #iron man x y/n #iron man x you #ironman #iron man imagine #dad!iron man #daughter!stark #stark!reader #stark!daughter #stark!y/n

[chirpycreations]

#Memento Mori

So, I guess this is my story. I wanted to write this during the stream but my dyslexia forbays me from being able to write and listen to two completely unrealed things at the same time, and I couldn't bring myself to pull away, so here it is, nice and late ^^;

- - - - - -

Well, I was late to the party like most things in my life. I found the channel at 16 days to go thanks to MatPatt's theory.  I haven't watched all 369 videos. My last count put me at 100 and something, maybe 150 ish. I did concider pulling an allnighter the night before to watch all of the remaining ones but I chose against it in the end. I'm happy with the memories I have and not seeing all the videos, because those videos I did watch I'll treasure forever; bing watching them while despritly trying to finish my Level 3 Design board for school. 

Working away on Clipstudio paint, and in the corner of my eye laughing, crying, rolling my eyes at the chaios that was unfolding while my wrist screamed at me, my head hurt....I was so sure I was going to burn out again like the two years prior and not manged to finish, but you're videos gave me the strength to do the impossible.  If you guys could make over 365 videos in a year, I could finish x2 A1 pannels worth of art and...I did. To a good standard too. I won my schools Top Visual Artist award yesterday at prize giving and top of my Design class.

At first I saw the channel as nothing more than a bit of shit posting, so I wasn't too bothered. A bit of random nonses (It took me soooo long to convince my self to watch cooking with Sex toys, but it was one of the greatest laughs of my month if not longer). The last few months have been hard on me, my family have been waiting 4 and half years to get NZ residency and missing all the Uni application dates and schollarships has had me quite down the last few months listening to everyone around talking about there future plans while I can't progress with mine, because my GOD have you seen international fees???Anyway, your shit posts really helped bring a smile to my face while I was struggling, especailly the halloween stuff: I loved the edward sissors hands, it was the first one I watched and I still love it- so plan and utterly dumb. I'm doing better now. It's still hard, but I really think your videos have have helped me so much. 

 I think the video which hit hardest for me and acutally helped me to really understand what the channel was about was the hypnotist one with the lemon.  What the lady said to both of you really, really hit home hard for me- I'd be lying if I said I didn't cry my eyes out. 

Ethan, your story hit home for me because I also went through that as a kid. I was bullied so badly as a kid. Told I was nothing, would be nothing- I have dsylexia too, and I stunk in school for the longest time; bottom of every class, made to take lessons to learn how to put a wooden alphabet together forward and backwards in YEAR 6 (I was 12 and could do so just fine, but the teachers obviously didn't think so). I've been reserved, shy, had the most crippling self of steem issuse for all my life and only in the last few years since moving to NZ I've started to recover and regain some of that confidence I lost; had broken.  

"If there was a little girl inside who hurt, who had a discomfort, imagine sitting next to that younger version of you that was in pain or hurt and let her know that she's safe. That little girl looks up to you, trusting you to keep her safe: You're safe." -Unus Annus, 294:11:34:20

It really hit me so hard because I needed someone to tell me this as a kid, hold me close, tell me everything would be ok when I thought my world was crashing down and listing to these words I saw my current self giving back what she needed. And now when I'm scard, doubting myself I see her, I see both of them, current me and past me holding hands and me giving her the support she needs. I have a illustration I made on my desk with the quote, as a reminder when times get tought and that little girl forgetts she's not alone anymore.

Mark, your story also hit home with me too.  Like I mentioned, I have dyslexia and for me english -mostly writting- has always been a major problem which had held me back, like a brick chained to my leg and I have to hike up this moutain with it. I still remember disnictly this one time in science I lost out on a high mark because I couldn't spell auoghaous (oesophagus- still can't XD) and my teacher wouldn't believe that was what I had tried to write. I was so bitter about that for the longest time, I still am, 6 years on and still remeber it like yesterday. Anyway, the reason your story hit home is because it reminded me of my old english teacher and what she did to me. Made me into the person I am now. I was in Year 8 (14 years old) and at a parents meeting infront of my dad she said, "you're daughter will never ger higher than a 5- in english. This crushed me so much, because a -5 is avarage for a Year 6 and at this level I should have been getting 5+/6 (like everyone else in my class) - fucking dyslexia. It's like a brick wall of titainium when you're a kid.  

I don't know what happened but something in me snapped and I was determained to prove her wrong. I had that teacher for 2 years before I left to NZ (from the UK) and never ONCE did she give me a mark higher than 5- (mostly because the Brittish system require good spelling to reacher 5, something which again, my dyslexia was against and at the time computers weren't a thing in my school as a resorse for dyslexic kids like myself). It sucked, but I kept trying to prove her wrong. I studied, practiced, revised hard and then in my last exam, an external she didn't mark I got a 7+ for reading and 7- for writting with an 8+ being the highest. I proved her wrong.  I proved a lot of people wrong. I kept working hard and now I'm near the top of every class I take. You're story reminded me of myself and why I keep pushing myself. Why I continue to drive to achieve the best I can. Be the best person I can. 

I know this is long, so before I wrap up I wanted to say thank you. You're channel has not only helped some of my old traumas heal, but I also have a much greater appreciation for life which I guess is crazy concidering I was only apart of it for 16 days, but...it really has made an impact to me. I don't think I ever relised how valuble life is. How important every second is. Death and moving on has always scared me. Moving to NZ and leaving everything I knew and had behind has been one of my biggest trumas for the last 4 years, learning to let go and move on- I use to hate change- ,but now I think I can accept it and move on. I've just finished my last year of high school, I have to make this drastic change in mylife again, moving on, going to uni one day, but I'm ready for it. "Death gives life meaning"; the end, moving on, give the past meaning and means being able to except and be ready to imbrase the future that's coming. Whether in the next few seconds, minutes, hours, weeks, months years... I really do feel better prepared for it. 

I hate the end, I've been writting a story now for 3 years and I've been scared of how to end it, I've been avoiding it because I love the characters. I don't want them to go, to end, but now. I think I'm willing to acept the fact that maybe it's time I let them go. Write them the end they deserve and move on. Nothing last forever, all great story are great because like the channel it's the ending which gives them meaning. 

So...thank you guys, Mark, Ethan, everyone behind the camera. You're work has really made a possitive impact in my life, escpecally the hynpotist video, so thank you. I'm going to start treasuring every second, making every millifractal of a second count. I've been torn for the longest time between a stable career in science, or a dream career in art. And I'm gonna go for it. I'll take the risk, the gamble, shoot for the stars and if I miss I miss. Atleast I can say I tried to do what made me happy and when I do succed it'll be even more rewarding to know I did the impossible. So thank you, I'll treasure every memory and the page of quote I have from todays live stream. 

 “Every second is a chance to turn your life around." 

"When you get those ideas in your head say YES! You never know how you're going to suprise yourself."

"Death gives life meaning."

"Don't cry because its over, cry because it happened."

"Don't take any second for granted, don't waist any moment."

"It's easy to live life in wants and desires, but it's making every second count that matters. Do what makes you happy, use every second wisely, you'll never get that time back."

And my own personal quote, because I want to give back the wisdom you've shared with my own: 

"Memento Mori - Remeber death. Embrace it, don't fear it. Live life to it's fullest and take every opportunity that comes your way, because death is a promise, not a bargain. Life the life you want, so you can move on without regret. "

"Life tough and scary, 2020 for sure, but regardless I smile. Laugh in fears face, it happens. Laugh at the problems in life, they happen. Laugh at how close life comes to and continues to fail at killing you. Fill every moment with joy and positivity; we all need more of it in life."

"Bad days are like cloudy skies, they come and go. The weather can get stormy, but the sky will always clear eventually, the sun will shine again."

#we were here #memento mori #unusannus #unusannusisoverparty

[cherryeol04]

The Firsts

Summary: No one ever told him that living was going to be so difficult. That there would emotions get couldn’t label and distinguish. He’s just a young boy trying to navigate through life and its unexpected ups and downs.

Genre: Humor, Fluff, smut(?)

Pairings: Oc x Felix, Oc x Changbin, Changbin x Oc x Felix

Warnings: poly relationship, angst in some part, excessive fighting about the MCU.

Parts: Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 10 / Part 11 / Part 12 / Part 13 / Part 14 / Part 15 / Part 16/ Part 17

A/N: This story has a theme of Firsts. First love, first kiss and many other firsts. Each part can be read on their own and are meant to stand as oneshots. It’s basically a collection of oneshots (little snapshots into my Oc’s life. 😁)

“The fact you took them back.” Minho grumbled as he sat across from Aiden, eyeing the other who was trying his hardest to hide himself behind Seungmin. “We spent three hours listening to you cry! Do you know how much that hurt hyung, Aiden? I care about you and I don’t want you to be hurt again. I can’t bear to see you go through that again.” He scolded and Aiden whined. 

“I know it’s just -“

“What bullshit did they feed you?” Minho asked. 

“It wasn’t bullshit.” Aiden whispered.

“Hyung.” Hyunjin spoke up, staring at Minho. “I know I came in after all this happened, but scolding him isn’t going to help the situation. I’m sure he has his reasons for accepting their apology and proposal. We should be supportive.” 

“I agree with Jinnie.” Seungmin nodded. “Besides, I saw them trying to make things better. Aiden just was too into his feels to notice. Whatever happened happened. It happened the way it did and now they’re trying to fix it. If it means less strain in the group, who are we to stop it?”

“But what if something happens again?” Minho protested, dropping his sandwich back on his plate and reached out, taking Aiden’s hand gently. “You know I’m not really mad or anything. I just worry about you. I was there from the start of your relationship with Felix until now. I just want -“

“And I appreciate you, hyung.” Aiden interrupted with a smile. “I really do. And I know you’re just looking out for me but I have to try this. I still love him. Both of them and if I don’t I’ll just be miserable for the rest of my life - always wondering about ‘what if’.” He said and pouted. “And if I’m wrong, then I’m wrong and I get hurt. But I’ll have learned then, and work to keep myself protected and try harder to find someone who will love me for all I am.”

“Aiden, stop trying to be such an adult. I miss the hyperactive brat you really are.” He chuckled softly. Smiling, Aiden shook hid head.

“Silly. I’ll be back to my normal self soon. I just wanted to tell you guys what happened before you like accidentally discover it. I think it was the better decision.”

“It was. Thank you for being honest with us.” Hyunjin smiled at him. “And I hope you three are happy for a while, okay?”

“Thanks. That means so much to me.”

“Alright, enough with the sappiness though. I would like to eat my lunch and not puke.” Seungmin teased, pulling laughs from the others as they went back to eating. 

———

“And I told Mr. Jung that there is just no way I can compose four songs last minute like this!” Chan grumbled as he stared at his computer. “I mean I could do one or two by Friday, but I can’t do four.”

“I told you he was crazy, why didn’t you listen to me?” Woojin asked as he eyed the younger male with a smirk. 

“Listen mom -“

“Damn, if this is what university life is like, I don’t want to graduate.” Jisung pouted from his spot on the floor, back pressed against the couch. His history textbook laying open in his lap. “High school is supposed to be easy too!”

“Ah, I miss the good old days.” Woojin mused with a soft sigh. 

“It was literally last year.” Minho scoffed with a laugh. “Stop trying to age yourself.”

“Back in my day I had to walk down the halls with all my books in my hands. None of this new-fangled technology of lockers like you youngins have.” Chan spoke, voiced pitched in his playful teasing. 

“Grandpa!” Felix cheered and laughed harder when Chan smacked his fellow Aussie in the chest with a pillow. 

“Siri, how do you time travel?” Changbin asked as he held up his phone, the others laughing along with him. 

“I need new friends.” Chan groaned and rubbed his nose with the palm of his hand. 

“Sorry hyung, already tried that and they’re still here.” Aiden teased as he looked up from his notebook. “But you wouldn’t have us any other way.”

“I can neither confirm nor deny that statement.” Chan grunted and sighed. “But no seriously, how the hell am I suppose to make 4 songs?” He asked. 

“I can help if you want.” Changbin offered. 

“Oh me too!” Jisung jumped in. “Just got a really high score in production class. I’m like a genius. I got you hyung.”

“Genius? In who’s world?” Seungmin asked, brow raised. 

“In my world, duh.”

“I beg to differ.” Seungmin scoffed. 

“Only if you call me daddy.” Jisung smirked and Aiden choked on his water, coughing harshly as he smacked his chest quickly. 

“Ji! You can’t be saying that stuff around the virgin!” Minho poked at Aiden. “His poor heart can’t take your sinful tongue.” There was a beat of silence before Minho continued. “But I can.” He smirked. 

“Jesus!” Aiden hissed as he coughed again. “Can we not have this sexual talk in my Christian server? Thank you!” He pouted. 

“You would think, a man with two boyfriends wouldn’t still be a virgin.” Woojin mused. 

“Back in my days, whores just ran about flashing every Tom, Dick, and Harry they saw.” Chan joked. 

“Sometimes it was a Harry dick.” Woojin added and laughed as Aiden smacked his head on the table.

“I need new friends!” Aiden whined loudly. 

“Sucks to be you kid.” Chan smirked and shook his head. “Now, about my song production.”

———

Aiden whined as he laid back in the bed, staring up at the off white ceiling of Felix’s bedroom. The room silent, save for his soft breathing and he allowed himself to fall into the thoughts that were running over a million miles a minute. It was only a single thought, one comment that had been said that was really bugging him. 

“You would think, a man with two boyfriend wouldn’t still be a virgin.”

Was it bad he was still a virgin? Was Felix still one? Changbin even? He was pretty sure that Minho had been with Seungmin at one point and now was probably chasing Jisung’s tail. Said friend most likely wasn’t a virgin from all the tales he had told Aiden about the women he had dated back at his old school in Malaysia. 

He couldn’t be too sure about Chan or Woojin. A part of him was thinking that they were dating based on their behavior, but a part of him wasn’t entirely sure they were both gay or simply had interest in guys. And Hyunjin was a mystery to him. The little twink acted both experienced and shy and he couldn’t even decipher what was an act and what wasn’t. 

It worried Aiden. He could very possibly be the only virgin in his friend group and it seemed wrong. It’s not like he needed to have sex in order for his friends to accept him, they already did - at least he thought. It was just something about the way they teased him and Aiden wasn’t stupid. He knew they meant no harm by their words, it was all in good jest. But it was still an insecurity he had. 

Being inexperienced. And now it seemed that maybe he was the only inexperienced person in the group and it worried him. His mind drifted off to thoughts of Felix and Changbin, and what would happen when it came to that time for them to be intimate. How would he able to handle it? He could barely reciprocate the moves Changbin had used on him a while ago, he certainly wouldn’t be able to survive now that there were two of them. And what if he sucked? 

What if he couldn’t figure out how to touch Felix the right way? Or make Changbin moan? What if he couldn’t get either of them off and they were left hard and wanting - disappointed in his lack of ability?

He sighed and lifted his phone up, finger pressing and holding down the lock button until the screen flashed. “Siri, where is the nearest cliff I can yeet off of?”

“Okay, here is what I found.”

Aiden’s nose scrunched up as he read the results for the nearest Cliff’s Restaurant that he could eat off of. 

“Good job, Siri. I knew I could count on you.” He sighed. 

“Oh god, Binnie it’s worse than we thought, he’s started talking to himself.” Aiden lifted his head and watched as Felix and Changbin walked into the room, arms filled with snacks and drinks for their movie marathon. 

“I knew we shouldn’t have left him alone.” Changbin tasked. 

“I should have offered him my pet rock. He’s a great listener.”

Changbin paused and stared at Felix with concern. “Right.” He said slowly and gave a nod. “Okay so I’m dating two psychopaths.”

“Hey!”

“Hey!”

“Oh, that’s creepy. They’re even in sync. Minho warned me about you crazy people.”

“Oh my god, shut up!” Aiden tossed a pillow at him, laughing as it struck Changbin in the face. “Asshole, you know you love us.”

“I never said I didn’t.” Changbin countered as he kicked the pillow back towards the bed and walked over, setting the various cans and bottles of drinks on the nightstand. Sitting up in the bed, Aiden crossed his legs as he leaned over and looked at each label. 

“Alright, we got drinks. We got snacks. I got Black Panther queued in the DVD player, are we ready for a bomb ass movie night?” Felix asked. 

“You’re way too excited for this." Changbin laughed as he took a seat next to Aiden on the bed. 

“Black Panther is my favorite MCU movie, don’t hate.” Felix pouted as he grabbed the remote and jumped onto the bed, getting the DVD screen up on his tv.

“No hate.” Changbin hummed and smirked. “Isn’t there a legend about having sex after watching Black Panther?” He asked.

Aiden could feel his pulse start pounding as he stared at Changbin. There he was being so cheeky, trying to look innocent but his smirk was anything but. “I do not recall any legend. I believe that once we watch Black Panther then we can have cuddle sessions anywhere we want. A better achievement to unlock.” He said quickly. 

Felix laughed at that and shook his head. “We can stop with this whole ‘watching marvel movies leads to something’ joke. Really, at this point, we shouldn’t base our relationship off of watching the MCU.”

“Oh lord, Felix is going to be profound again. Something about moving at our pace and being intimate when we’re ready. And blah blah blah.” Changbin rambled on and Felix pouted. “On the nose right?”

“I hate when you do that.” Felix whined and sighed before looking to Aiden. “But he’s right. Relax babe, we won’t do anything you’re not ready for.”

“W-What?! Why do you think it’s me?” He squealed our indignantly. They both gave him a pointed look and he flushed, looking away quickly. 

“Because you’re the shy one.” Changbin cooed and reached out, pinching Aiden’s cheek gently. “I remember when you got so pouty when you couldn’t even touch my dick, and then you made such a mess.”

“Stop!” Aiden whined and pushed his hand away, smacking Changbin’s arm lightly. “That was so long ago.”

“It was. Wouldn’t mind doing it again honestly.” 

“I wouldn’t mind watching either.” Felix grinned. 

Aiden honestly wasn't sure what to say or do in that moment. Being reminded of the time he jerked off with Changbin had brought back a lot of memories and feelings that he really hadn't allowed himself to feel in a while. He could still see Changbin's face, clear as day when the other told him to cum - that thought alone sending a shiver down his spine. Did he want to do stuff with them? Of course he did. And really he was the only one holding himself back from enjoying the company of his two boyfriends - from experiencing whatever pleasure the two could bring him. He needed to get over himself, and just let loose. But it was hard, so very hard. Especially when is insecurity of being inexperienced was one of the reasons he thought Felix had cheated on him and was going to break up with him. He had been wrong, but that didn't ease any of his feelings. It only seemed to intensify them. 

Aiden hadn't notice Changbin moving until he felt the broad, strong chest pressing against his back. Muscular arms wrapped around his waist, and had Changbin's arms always been that bulky and sexy? Since when had his best friend started working out? Last he remembered, he could barely get Changbin out of his bed to walk down the stairs to get food on some days. When did he find the energy to actually go to a gym and work out? "You know we won't force you, right?" Changbin's voice was soft, words so gentle as his lips grazed Aiden's ear and embarrassingly he whimpered. "It doesn't matter if we have sex now, next week or three years from now." he continued, fingers gently rubbing against the flat plane of his abdomen soothingly. It didn't actually help in any way to relax him and Aiden found himself even tenser than he had been just being lost in his own head. "It's not important. What is important is that you feel comfortable with us - with doing simple things." he said as he rested his chin on Aiden's shoulder gently. 

"I know." A whisper, barely audible and Aiden hated himself for sounding so timid at the moment. "I just don't want to disappoint you."

"How can you disappoint us?" Felix asked, brow raised. "Where in your mind did you come up with such a ridiculous thought?" 

"It's not ridiculous!" Aiden argued and pouted. "You both are so experienced and I'm not. Hell, I avoided kissing you for like a whole week and half because I was scared I would suck at it!" he confessed, cheeks heating up at the memories of his flailing about Changbin's home and crying to Minho and Seungmin because he just couldn't get up the courage to kiss Felix and was too afraid that if he let his guard down and Felix kissed him, the other would leave him. 

"Who says we're experienced?" Felix asked with a snort. "Really Aiden? Is that what you've been thinking this whole time?" he asked.

"Well, yeah." Aiden whispered, eyes lowering as he stared at his lap, focusing on picking at the skin of his thumb, rather than the intense burn of his boyfriend's eyes on him. "Aren't you?"

Changbin laughed at that and Aiden knew he didn't mean to be hurtful in his laughter, but it did still hurt because he was laughing at him. At his apparently stupid thought process - not that he didn't agree, it was pretty stupid when he said his thoughts out loud. "No!" he spoke through his chuckles. Aiden could feel the rumble of Changbin's deep laughter through his chest, shaking Aiden to his core and for a moment he simply got lost in the feeling and the closeness. But when Changbin started talking again, he was pulled from his thoughts and forced himself to focus on the words being spoken. "I've kissed someone before, yeah. But I'm not experienced in anything. I jack off a lot, so does that give me experience in hand jobs?" he asked 

"Well, I mean... maybe?" Aiden asked curiously.

"Then that means you're experienced too." Changbin pointed out. "But I haven't done anything else, with anyone, including Felix." Changbin lifted his gaze from Aiden to look at the blonde male sitting in front of them. Felix nodded his head, a soft sigh leaving his lips

"I haven't done anything either." Felix confessed. "You were my first kiss Aiden." Aiden felt his eyes widen impossibly large at the admission. He honestly hadn't thought he was Felix's first kiss. The other seemed to experienced in what they were doing - how their lips moved and the right amount of pressure to put to keep a kiss soft or maybe to make it a little more heated.

"But I thought-"

"That's the thing, baby. You thought, you never asked." Changbin cut him off, lips pressing lightly to Aiden's cheek. "You sit there and worry about being inexperienced, thinking the rest of us have so much experience that there is no way we could possibly want you, but we're just as inexperienced as you are." he told him. "And that's okay because like Felix said before, it's okay to be inexperienced. It's what life is about, going through the unknown and learning...together."  Aiden could feel himself pouting, brows drawn together as he did his best to will the tears from welling up in his eyes. He remembered Felix saying that on the night of the confession in the Ferris Wheel. He just never thought they meant it, or what it actually meant for them.

But now it was different. He was being told he wasn't alone in being inexperienced. The people he thought who were experienced, weren't and for some reason, that made everything seem okay. Because he wasn't going to be embarrassing himself or being compared to a past relationship. Everything was fresh and new for them. 

And maybe that's all Aiden had needed to know from the very start.

"I want to." he whispered, lifting his gaze to meet Felix's eyes and then turned his head to stare at Changbin.

"Want to what?" Felix asked gently. 

"Have sex. I want to, I'm just scared." He felt Changbin's arms tighten around him, pulling him back closer as he nuzzled his neck gently. 

"It's okay. We can do it when you're ready, baby. There's nothing to be scared about okay?"  Aiden nodded his head slowly, letting out a soft exhale as he relaxed fully against Changbin. Lifting his arms, he held them out towards Felix, smiling as the Australian crawled into his lap and laid against him, cuddling into his chest. Aiden wrapped his arms around Felix and sighed contently, eyes closing as he enjoyed the warmth the closeness brought to him. Aiden watched as Felix grabbed the remote for his DVD player once more and started the movie, the three of them falling into a comfortable silence as they were sucked into wonders of Black Panther. The worries and fears that had plagued Aiden's mind for almost year were finally eased, assured that his two boyfriends would take their time with him and not rush him and he was sure they would make their first time together - whenever that may be - memorable. And for that, he was so thankful to have them in his life.

#stray kids #skz #fanfic #stray kids fanfic #skz fanfic #stray kids au #skz au #stray kids fanfic au #skz fanfic au #au story #the firsts #humor #fluff #changbin #felix #changbin x oc #felix x oc #changbin x oc x felix

[prorevenge]

My homophobic English teacher...

I saw a post on here recently about someone's horrible English teacher, and it reminded me of my own experience. TL;DR at the bottom. Doing this requires a quick lesson on the Australian high school system (I'll keep it short, don't worry). Basically, there are 6 years of Australian high school, from grades 7 through to 12. 7-10 are prep years where your grades don't carry over, then grades 11 and 12 are your big bad years with huge exams similar to the American system. When entering grade 11, you get to choose whether you want to pursue a path to university- doing this requires you to do ATAR subjects, which are the hardest subjects available. Your final grade in your last year is what universities use to decide if you get in. Basically, you have one year to really make it count. Grade 12 is the year to finally show off everything you've learned after your whole life at school. It's basically do or die, the hardest year of your life.

So, to begin this story, let me explain that I am good at English. Like, really good at English. I won awards and got accepted into state recognised programs for how good I am at English. It was the one subject I could guarantee to get an A in. So, naturally, I chose ATAR level English- I'd always wanted to get into some kind of English based university course. When I entered my grade 12 class I was greeted by my teacher, who we can call Mrs Slug, since she looked like a fat slimy slug. This was the kind of teacher that just handed out worksheets and sat behind her desk for the class and didn't actually teach. It was frustrating since this was my final year and I wanted my grades to be as good as possible, but I was confident in my ability to just pick it up on my own, so I didn't complain about it.

Then it came time for the first assessment. It was a creative writing piece, and short stories are my shit, so I wrote a short story. I followed the marking key carefully while also adding my own flare to the story to make it really entertaining and thought-provoking. The story was basically a dark romance told in first person, where the gender of the perspective character wasn't revealed until right at the end, thus revealing the couple to be gay. I specifically kept the main character's gender ambiguous until that point, since I wanted the reader to assume it was a girl then have a shock at the reveal. I contacted some of my friends from my high-level English programs and they all loved it. So I happily submitted it. I didn't think too much of it- I was interested to see how my ability held up in the highest level of school, but I wasn't expecting anything below a B. Then I got my result back.

Failed.

I couldn't believe it. I was genuinely confused. There were absolutely no marks on my paper, no red pen, no details as to why I failed, just a big fat 8/20 on the back of my paper. I was really upset, obviously, since I'd worked hard on it and it was the first time I'd failed an English assignment ever. I went to Mrs Slug and asked her what was wrong with it. She fluffed around and gave me an answer that essentially boiled down to, "I didn't like it." That was it. She had no reason to fail the story, she just didn't like it. News flash, that's not how marking creative writing works. If it'd been any other year, maybe I would've just blown it off and moved on, but this was grade 12. This failure could be the difference between getting into university and getting rejected.

So I went to the head of the English department at my school and requested a regrading. I didn't tell him that I'd failed it, just that I wanted more feedback. He gave it back to me as an 18/20. I then slammed my failing grade onto the desk and asked him to explain. Clearly, Mrs Slug stood by her grade, because instead of just changing my mark, they sent my writing to the top school in the state to get remarked again. It came back 19/20. Needless to say, my mark was changed to an A.

The next few assignments went relatively the same. Even when she passed me, I asked to be reassessed and my mark was always made higher than what she'd given me. Eventually, I complained enough times that they started rotating which teacher marked my work so no one could sabotage it. Even still, I always knew when Mrs Slug had been the one to mark it, because there was never any feedback on it, just a barely above average mark that eventually was changed to an A. I didn't get below 80% on any assignments for the entire year, and bare in mind, she hadn't taught anything in her class. I basically taught everyone myself and did the work at home so my peers also wanting to get into university had a shot (most of them did get in, can I add). I didn't understand why Mrs Slug didn't like my story (or me) until one day a discussion on politics came up in my class.

She's very, very right wing. A Donald Trump supporter. In Australia, that's super rare, since most of us think he's a dickhead. It suddenly hit me then. She didn't like my story because I'd done exactly what I'd wanted. She'd assumed the main character was a girl, then when it was revealed he was a guy and it was a gay relationship, she suddenly realised she'd happily been reading and enjoying a story about a gay couple. That must've infuriated her. She failed it for no reason other than her homophobia. After I realised that, I started to mess with her.

My first project was to test Donald Trump's persuasion tactics on her. My next oral presentation, I specifically used Donald Trump's speech style- the way he repeats words, over exaggerates, dehumanises, etc. I know she was the one who marked it (again, no feedback), but this time it was a 19/20. That was the highest mark she gave me all year. I couldn't believe it. The Donald had been right.

Next, I wrote a strongly worded, very opinionated article on how I was bisexual. This was the first time I'd touched LGBT topics since that first story, and I knew it would infuriate her. But she couldn't fail me at this point. It would look way too suspicious if a student who got 80%+ on assignments suddenly got less than 50%. I don't think I ever got the article back (I have a feeling it got passed around the English office so many times they just forgot) but I didn't care that much. I saw on my final report card it'd been 18/20. It must've made her angry, I hope, that she'd read my article and no doubt tried to fail it, but at this point, everyone was aware of her bullshit and prevented her from doing it. I got some dirty looks for the next few classes.

But there was one final straw that made me snap. See, my state holds a huge writing competition for high-schoolers every year. It's a massive deal, and people who win this competition often get sponsored or get scholarships based on it. Tens of thousands of entries get submitted. Obviously, I wanted to win it. Even getting shortlisted would do wonders for my uni application. Part of the school writing program meant that any short stories submitted over the year would automatically get entered in this competition, but I knew Mrs Slug would try and do me dirty. So I went to her directly, requesting to put in another version of the story I'd made with the feedback I'd gotten from the remarking. She told me, to my face, that she'd already submitted my story, so I couldn't change it. Fine. As long as it was submitted, I was happy.

I didn't get shortlisted. That hurt, a lot, since I'd really wanted it. But I figured the competition had been really good, so it was only fair. My little brother, however, got shortlisted for his year (he came in second), so I went to the awards ceremony with him.

Mrs Slug was there.

She looked shocked to see me. A little panicked, even. I was curious as to why she was there, but the answer revealed itself pretty quickly. One of the girls from my class had been shortlisted. Now listen, I'm not a bitter person. If someone genuinely writes better than me, I'm more than happy to accept that. But what I found awfully suspicious was that this particular girl had been given the highest mark in my class before I got reassessed. In other words, she had been Mrs Slug's favourite story. And her story had gotten 15/20. I know grades don't count for everything, and maybe my story had in fact been worse, but I was beginning to get a hunch as to what had happened.

As I said, I'm state recognised for my English ability, so I was able to get into contact with one of the people who had marked the competition. I asked, ever so innocently, if she'd read my story. She replied that she hadn't. I asked if she could check to see if any of the other markers had read it since it was a pretty distinctive story. The answer came back as I had feared. No one had read it.

Mrs Slug had lied through her teeth to my face. She hadn't submitted the story at all. She'd deliberately pulled it out of the submission pile because she was salty. This competition was a /huge/ deal to me- like I said, it would've been a massive part of my uni application. And she'd sabotaged it. She wanted me to fail.

I was fucking fuming at this point. Even today, I get angry thinking about it. I couldn't let this rest any longer. I was beyond pettiness. This was time for real revenge.

My parents both work in education, and my mum, in particular, was pretty high up in my area. She's also a bit of a tiger mum. When I told her what Mrs Slug had done, she was pissed. Like, so pissed. The idea that her kid might not go to uni because of a prejudiced teacher does not sit well with tiger mothers. She marched straight to the principal's office, and since he knew her, we were heard out almost immediately. I explained what happened, how I'd consistently been marked too lowly and my competition application had been removed without my knowledge. My mum was able to kick up a pretty big stink about it, ranting about how Mrs Slug shouldn't even be qualified to teach at all, let alone grade 12 ATAR English, and she needed to be removed immediately. The principal copped an earful, then the head of English did too. Both of them cowered in fear before the rage of my mother. There was nothing they could use to defend her, either- I had proof of the undermarking and the removal of my story application. Statements from my classmates confirmed she hadn't taught anything all year. It wasn't looking good for Mrs Slug.

She continued to sag behind her desk like a festering cancer for the last few weeks of the year, giving me stinky looks. I just quietly did my work, helping other people study for the final exam. I knew I'd done enough. In Australia, you can't just fire government workers, but you can move them. Sure enough, at the end of the year, she was relocated to the middle of fucking nowhere, to a school of fewer than 100 kids, where I hope she rots to this day. It's the closest you can get to being fired.

I got into university, by the way, and I'm now studying my English course. I should also mention that I got into the most competitive university in Australia, and I still get 80% and above in my short stories. That 40% she gave me was total bullshit, and I'm glad I made her suffer for it. No teacher should be able to get away with sabotaging their students like that, especially when it's their future on the line. I can only hope that the few students she teaches now don't have to experience the same thing.

TL;DR: my homophobic English teacher tried to fail me on my assignments, then sabotaged my chances in an important competition, so I got her essentially fired.

(source) story by (/u/millochi)

#prorevenge #by /u/millochi #pro revenge #revenge stories #pro revenge stories #pro #revenge #last10

[youngboy-oldmind]

ALBUM REVIEW: The Lost Boy

“Try to take a walk up in my shoes/A n**** rapping like I really got something to prove, Cause motherf****er, I do/I climb hills, n***** was sleeping, on Nyquil/ Paint a picture vivid, dawg, on everything, my life's real”

Overall Thoughts

Maryland rapper YBN Cordae plants a solid footprint in the rap game on his debut album The Lost Boy: a 45 minute masterpiece filled with excellent storytelling and production combined with a unique style that proves he’s definitely an up and comer to look out for in years to come.

The Lost Boy was my favorite rap/hip-hop release of 2019. Cordae’s first studio album is contender for one of my favorite debut albums ever. In my opinion, related artists’ (Chance the Rapper, Logic, Bas, J Cole, Kendrick, Amine) debut album’s fall to The Lost Boy. And at 21, his debut releases at an age younger than everyone in that group. To have an excellent project at such a young age is another feat on its own.

One commonality I notice with debut albums is that new artists tend to sound like their biggest influencers; the biggest culprit being Logic. But Cordae stands out with his own style that doesn’t sound too similar to any of his numerous influences. His delivery, word choice, and flow (while not always mind blowing), is not a carbon copy of a rapper from the 90s-00s. Here, Cordae’s sound is his own.

His pen game on this project is consistently above average, but rarely mind blowing. Tracks like “We Gone Make It” and “Thousand Words” exhibit his strongest lyricism. However, Cordae’s story telling abilities are consistently powerful. Tracks like “Bad Idea”, “Thanksgiving”, “Nightmares Are Real”, “Family Matters” all have Cordae illustrating his experiences. He emphasizes his perspective as a young man who’s finding himself through all these experiences. Even his most bragging and banger tracks still feature great humility and storytelling elements, the stand out being “Broke as F***”.

The features on The Lost Boy are all top notch. Cordae includes Chance the Rapper, Ty Dollar $ign, Pusha-T, Anderson .Paak, and Meek Mill, all of whom bring elite verses to their features. It’s even better that the guests don’t completely outshine Cordae. Cordae brings enough weight to each song that its not completely engulfed by the feature. Songs like French Montana’s “No Shopping”, Logic’s “Homicide”, Chance’s “Handsome” all suffer from a feature that outclasses the main artist. But Cordae goes toe to toe with each feature.

I should also mention the two skits, “Sweet Lawd” and “Grandma’s House”. Both are pretty good as far as skits go. I can’t help but assume they were influenced by Kanye West’s “I’ll Fly Away” from The College Dropout, both of which sound very reminiscent to. They display Cordae’s singing abilities and soulful sound. And its touching to hear Cordae’s grandmother on the latter track.

Overall, I can’t really find a weak spot on this project. The runtime, theme/tone, uniqueness, production, and lyricism are all excellent. As far as debut albums go, Cordae made has created one of the best I’ve ever heard.

Album Breakdown

The common theme throughout this project is Cordae’s experiences being young and lost in a chaotic world. I love this theme because it doesn’t limit the scope about his topics. He can make fun tracks, political commentary, and emotional deep cuts while staying tonally consistent.

1. Wintertime

"Wintertime” features a smooth, mellow, jazzy beat; The vibe feels like a instrumental off of J Cole’s 4 Your Eyez Only. Cordae introduces himself, compares where he started to where he’s at now, and discusses some everyday plagues that stress him (anxiety, maintaining success, pressure to appear problem-free) while also aiming for the top and hoping nothing he creates fades away. Great intro.

2. Have Mercy

This next track is lyrically nothing deep or profound, just a banger track with a dope instrumental. The echoy, bassy sound that develops on the last leg of the song is especially great. I also found Cordae’s music video technique interesting. He released two videos, Path A and Path B, that illustrate opposite tones. Path A brings more zainy, flamboyant visuals while Path B is much more dark and eerie. I personally think Path A is the more appropriate for the track. Overall, not a bad banger.

3. Sweet Lawd- Skit

This skit features Cordae singing the hook off “Have Mercy” over a church-like piano. As I mentioned early, strongly reminds me of “I’ll Fly Away” off Kanye West’s The College Dropout. Cordae’s voice is soulful and pleasant to listen to as well. The first gospel-esque track.

4. Bad Idea

Chance the Rapper and Cordae team up to create one of the best songs on the album. They both deliver great verses, Chance’s middle verse being the best. Here they talk about the downsides of Home and the impact those experiences had on them. They borrow the beginning chorus lines “It might not be such a bad idea if I never went home again” from Gil Scott-Herman’s “Home is Where the Hatred Is” and heavily styled like Kanye West’s “My Way Home”. Although Cordae is the main singer on the chorus, he layers his voice to make it sound like an ensemble of singers. A great stylistic choice. And the heavy piano X light strings perfectly end the track. Between the strings at the end, the Kanye West sample, and Chance’s (a huge fan, supporter, and protege of Kanye) involvement, I definitely smell influence from West’s sophomore album Late Registration.

5. Thanksgiving

“Thanksgiving”, the first deep cut on the album, has Cordae introducing a girl to his family during Thanksgiving. However, she’s fake and never stays around, making him question their relationship while remaining hopeful they can maintain it. Cordae demonstrates his powerful storytelling abilities. The overall mellow tone in the production allows his lyrics to fit perfectly in the instrumental; it doesn’t outshine but it doesn’t get over shadowed either.

6. RNP

Anderson .Paak has collaborated with Andre 3000, J. Cole, Rhapsody, Kendrick Lamar, BJ The Chicago Kid, Pusha-T, and Q-Tip, so I wasn’t surprised when I saw Cordae would be collaborating with the talented singer. However, I couldn’t prepare for the amazing back-and-forth chemistry between them. You wouldn’t think when listening to them trade bars that they have a 12 year age difference between them. Also fun fact: J. Cole produced the track.

Both these artists are just having fun over a bouncy beat, talking about the “problems” they’ve experienced being rich. Definitely be favorite fun track so far.

7. Broke As F***

This is tied for my favorite track on the album. Cordae’s lyrics aren’t necessarily the most complex and deep, but he brings such a indescribable energy to his storytelling. He basically tells the story from him being a baby, being in high school appreciating hip hop, where he came from, and where he’s going to go. The great thing here is that its not solely bragging about his possessions. Its a commentary on what he’s GAINED. This adds a touch of humility. And at the end, he comments on how he’s lost, still searching, and doesn’t “really have a lot of answers”, tying into the theme of the album. Perfect.

The spacey instrumental on the chorus, the beat drop after the first line of the first verse, and the beat change midway through makes this one of the best instrumentals on the album. And the ending drums transition to the next song perfectly.

8. Thousand Words

“Thousand Words” has some best verses on the album. Here Cordae talks about the toxicity of social media and how people create false perceptions to hide true pain. While already an intriguing topic, Cordae goes a step further by admitting he’s not holier than thou. He admits everyone lowkey wants to be a little famous, and nobody wants to be “nameless”. I love that. It’s easier to say Instagram and Twitter are toxic (Logic on Confessions of a Dangerous Mind). But to admit there is some validity and positivity to social media...very profound for someone so young. My favorite lines are:

“Living in this false reality that's in this picture gallery/ Based on a n***** profile, we guessin' salary/ The lifestyle you advertise was quite strategized/ Make a minimal amount and then we maximize/ These n***** cappin' with lies how they capitalize/ Creating they own perceptions, what a massive facade/ Digital marketing schemes even broader regime/ Live how you want on the internet, who thought of this thing?”

9. Way Back Home

Ty Dollar $ign stands out on the feature, talking about not letting fame and success pull him from reality. Cordae sings the chorus and most of his verse. Admittedly, I wasn’t a fan of Cordae’s parts; It felt underwhelming. But the instrumental and Ty’s verse carry a significant part of the song. I especially loved the high pitched melodic voice that pops in the beat throughout the song. I also love the sci-fi, techy “WORP” effect throughout the instrumental. But ultimately, this felt more like Ty’s song than Cordae’s.

10. Grandma’s House- Skit

Between “Grandma’s House” and “Sweet Lawd”, I prefer this skit. The harmonious vocals that echo Cordae’s grandma’s vocals give off an amazing gospel vibe. The simplistic yet soulful and intimate aura of this skit makes it one of my favorite interlude-skits off any rap album.

11. Been Around

Another mellow song on the project, “Been Around” has Cordae talking about the development of his career and how he’s going to keep moving forward and not let doubters or bad situations slow him down. I like the chorus more than the verses, but overall its not a bad track. It maintains the tone of the album and flexes Cordae’s pen game a little.

12. Nightmares Are Real

This was the most intriguing collaboration on the album. Pusha-T and Cordae have very different sounds and styles; Pusha-T brings much more aggressiveness whereas Cordae is softer. Cordae’s hardest verses don’t compare to Pusha-T’s baseline intensity. Although they don’t demonstrate strong chemistry, they both bring solid verses. Both tell stories of how they started in the rap game, however, Pusha-T’s wordplay and lyricism is a step above Cordae’s. He talks about dealing with selling crack while developing his skills in rapping. Particular set of lines had me shook.

“Asterisk, skipped school, recorded with The Neptunes/ We was makin' high school classics/ Before I took a kilo and I wrapped it, I rapped it/ Around the funeral with the casket/ Coke avalanche, like a landslide/ Only grew my hair this long because my man died/”

I don’t wanna go too far into explaining these lyrics cus genius will do better job. But Pusha-T brings fire to this track. The tone of the instrumental matches Pusha-T’s intensity as well. As solid of a collaboration this is, its not in my top 3 collabs. That goes to show how amazing this project is.

13. Family Matters

"Family Matters” is tied with “Broke as F***” for my favorite song on The Lost Boy. Cordae talks about the stress of witnessing family traumas and difficulties while experiencing his own success. He expresses feelings of guilt and selfishness when his family hides things from him so he can focus on achieving his goals. He talks about abandonment from baby daddies, aunt’s raising kids that aren’t theirs, a cousin in an abusive relationship, a cousin addicted to xanax, and another aunt who’s a prostitute. All of this is happening while he’s worried about “plays and streams”. It’s an interesting sentiment. Is it selfish to focus on yourself when your family has a load of obstacles and difficulties? Every time he succeeds he has to look back at where he came from and be reminded his family does not share his accomplishments. Nearly brought me to tears when I first heard it.

As I already stated, lyrically this is one of Cordae’s top songs. Arin Ray brings a choir on the chorus that sounds amazing, adding to the gospel sound sprinkled throughout the album. And the light violin strings at the end encapsulate the emotional turmoil Cordae expresses.

14. We Gone Make It

Another top track, “We Gone Make It”, features a collab with Meek Mill to make political/social commentary on todays world and encourage others to keep pushing to succeed. Unlike the other three collaborations “Bad Idea”, “Way Back Home”, and “Nightmares are Real”, Meek Mill’s verses are actually equal with Cordae. Although I’m not a huge fan of Mill, he brings in a succinct, powerful 12 bars and a hook so dope he, as Cordae puts it, had to “sing it twice”. Also fun fact: Cordae used a modified version of the first verse on H.E.R’s “Lord is Coming (Remix)”.

Instrumentally, the beat accompanies the message without overshadowing it. The piano melody and vocal chops throughout mix well with the verses. I personally love the piano keys in the final minute. It adds an aura of delicacy to a song with such an intense message.

15. Lost & Found

In the perfect closing track “Lost & Found”, Cordae displays pride, stating “I was lost boy, now I’m found”. Over a bumpy, bassy beat with epic trumpet harmonies, he comments on everything throughout the project. However, now he has assurance he’s not lost nor insecure from his experiences. And he knows things are going up from here. Like the rest of the album, he’s lyrically above average, reflecting on his life while introducing a fun, braggadocios vibe. Kinda like a “the balls in your court” to the rest of the rap game. Loved it.

Final Thoughts

I look forward to Cordae’s next album. This was a near perfect debut solo album. At 21 years old, Cordae displays strong lyricism and production skills. His ability to story-tell and introspect indicate incredible feats in career. The lowest parts of this project are still amazing, and the high points put this project as my favorite of the year. I don’t know how else to say it. The rap game better watch out for this Maryland born “Lost Boy”. If The Lost Boy indicates the trajectory of his future, Cordae will have the crown in no time.

Top 3 Tracks:

1) Family Matters

2) Broke As F***

3) Bad Idea

Overall Grade: A+

#music review #album review #hip hop review #hip hop #cordae

[aarcanefool]

apprentice april asks 1

Decided to fill out these really awesome questions for my boy. They probably don’t all line up with some of my older posts/his about page, it’s been a while since I’ve worked on him... Anyway. I was 100% inspired to fill this out after reading about @waitforawonder ‘s wonderful Meleena

under the cut cause it got long

1. The Basics.  What is your character’s name?  How old are they?  How tall are they?  Skin color? Eye color?  Hair color?  Gender identification?

His name is Taliesin Reece.

He’s about a year and half younger than Asra. I thiiink that puts him at about 23-25 depending on headcanons/math/etc.

He’s 5’3. Fair complexion, has freckles. He has sectoral heterochromia in both eyes, dark teal and brown.

Taliesin is a transgender man.

2.  Love Interest.  Who does your character love?  What attracted them to that particular LI?

I use Taliesin to play all the routes, but ultimately, I think Julian is his main. Though, I’ve been close to writing myself an AU with Taliesin/Julian/Asra

He was initially drawn to Julian’s adventurousness, and his extroversion and openness that made Taliesin feel comfortable (even under the odd circumstances of their meetings). He loves how much Julian cares, how smart the man is, his humor, his knowledge and passion.

3. Familiar.  Does your character have a familiar?  How did they meet?

At the moment, he does not have a familiar, I might change that someday. But for now, he loves animals, and he loves doting on the other’s familiars.

4. Hobbies.  What kinds of things does your character like to do for fun?

Taliesin has a few hobbies, mostly things to keep busy if he’s stuck at home. He likes to sing, or at the very least hum, and he mostly does that while he’s alone, whether he’s just working or just wanting to fill the silence. He also likes to bake, nothing fancy, but usually sweet, likes to bake for others, it’s his go-to for gifts and such.

5. Hidden talents.  Is there something neat that your character can do?  Tie a cherry stem into a knot with their tongue?  Say any word backwards perfectly?

 Well, he has a habit of getting lost, but he’s kind of like a homing pigeon in the sense that he will almost ALWAYS find himself back where he started or somewhere else familiar.

6. Magical talents. Is there a specific type of magic that your character excels at?  Any magic they aren’t so great at?  Or do they actually shy away from magic altogether?

He’s very comfortable with his magic, I think spending time with Asra got him over any fears he might’ve felt there. Fire-related magic comes most naturally to him, and he’s learned to control it so he won’t hurt himself or others. Healing magic is something he has to work the hardest at.

7. Interaction.  How does your character typically interact with people?

Initially he comes off very shy, a little awkward, annnnd maybe like he can’t wait to be anywhere but talking to the person he’s talking to. But he usually warms up eventually. He’s usually more of a listener than a talker, tries to be as positive as possible, might land him in the category of annoyingly optimistic/ignoring very real problems for some people. He cares very deeply, and that usually shows through in his actions as well as his words.

8. Romance.  What is something that your character and their LI love to do together?  How do they show affection?

He’s very physically affectionate – he likes to hold hands/link arms or cuddle or even just lean against his S/O. Though honestly, he’s cuddly with his friends as well. He also is a big fan of acts of services, usually bringing his S/O snacks or something to drink, or maybe just tidying up for them, or combine the two and wash/comb their hair.

In general, any hobbies he can share, he will share. Traveling? Yes, definitively. Singing together. Baking together.

(yes these are reversed, no I won’t fix it)

9. Travel.  Does your character like to travel outside of Vesuvia? How often?  For how long?  What kinds of things do they do away from home?

Oh he loves it. He’s not really a homebody, so any sort of adventure, even if it’s just wandering around the forest for a while is fun for him. Post-game, Taliesin and Julian spend a lot of time away from the city. I like to think he’d start joining Asra on his journey’s as well.

10. WTF.  Has anything just…weird ever happened to your character? Something that made them stop and go “What just happened?!”

*gestures vaguely to the plot*?

That aside, he has a few incidents where his magic would grant him glimpses of the past (I really like the idea of the apprentice having a talent for psychometry, it just seems neat). Most of the time, it was too vague to really understand, and left him confused and light-headed with a headache.

 He also had a vague memory from his childhood when he fell into the sea, he remembers the waves dragging him down, but he doesn’t remember how he made it back to shore.

11. Crime.  Has your character ever been arrested?  If so, what did they do?  Have they ever helped stop a crime?

No, nope. Unfortunately, Taliesin has had a very clean slate with the law.

As for stopping crimes… well, he usually minds his business, but if someone was trying to hurt someone else, he likes to think he’d be the type to do something about it.

12. Secrets.  What is a secret that your character has?  Are they in line for the throne in a far off land?  Was there this one time at band camp…?  Are they secretly involved in an assassin’s guild?

 He’s an open book! ...well, sort of, he doesn’t have much lurking beneath the surface, but he can be a bit of a liar, usually about his well-being, just doesn’t want people to worry about him.

13. Overcompensation. Is there something that your character just HAS to do better than anyone else?  Or are they just that dang good without trying?  If they see someone else showing off, what is their kneejerk reaction?

Well, he really doesn’t like coming off like he doesn’t know anything, so he’s a bitt defensive, tends to stockpile facts about the world if he can. He gets really embarrassed if he’s “caught” not knowing something, even if it’s not necessarily common knowledge.

Depends on what they’re showing off, but he doesn’t really assume they’re trying to show someone else up (he’s optimistic like that), so he’s likely to show support for whatever their skills are, as long as it’s not making him look the fool.

14. Fight Club.  Is your character a good fighter?  What kind of skills do they have?

Not really, he’s more likely to create a shield, and try to reason and/or scare them off with fire magic if he ends up in a fight. I just wanted one oc that wasn’t stabbing people all the time okay

15. The Arts.  Is your character a creative type?  What kinds of things can they create?  Can they act?  Street perform?

Aside from the singing and baking mentioned above, not so much, and he really prefers to keep those to himself, or only share when he’s really close. So, I guess he is creative but not so much visually?

16. Goofy.  Is your character a clown?  Do they like to make people laugh?

He tries, not often and not well, but he tries. Usually the effort (making bad puns, cracking up half way through a punch-line, etc.) earns a laugh, and while its not his go to way to cheer someone up, he considers it worth trying.

17. Language.  Is your character multilingual?  How many languages do they speak?  Do they have an accent?  Is it sexy?  Is it silly? Do they have a multilingual lisp?

He is multilingual – Vesuvian, the language of his homeland which is Irish Gaelic, no his name does not fit with that in the slightest, and No, I don’t know where this place is, not sure it fits on the map that was in the art book… its fine, And Vesuvian Sign Language. As for an accent, I’ve thought about it and I have no idea other than I really want him to have one that isn’t American.

18. Embarrassment. What is something really embarrassing that your character has done/said?

In general… he’s always been a bit clumsy. Head in the clouds type of person. But, hey, everyone’s tripped over their own feet now and again. Not everyone has tried telekinesis and almost succeeded but brought an entire shelf down with the thing they were trying to move. Not everyone has done that twice.

19. Memory.  Has your character gotten any of their memory back? If so, what?  Did it change them?

He has not, at least nothing full. He gets little glimpses; faces he thinks he recognizes, the tune of a song he used to sing, places he can’t remember but remembers the way it smelled or the feeling of snow on his face. While sometimes he worries that there’s still some part of him that’s fundamentally missing, he’s happy with who he is now. He’s made a life for himself, has people he cares for.

20. Family.  Talk about your character’s family.  Who were they?

He grew up sort of split between two households. His father died when he was very young or possibly before he was born not sure which works better, and his mother disappeared shortly after, leaving Taliesin with her parents. They weren’t exactly nobility, but what they lacked in titles they made up for in land. He spent his early years with them, but his grandparents were growing older and didn’t have time for an adventurous youngster, especially when his magical abilities began manifesting.

His father’s family was more attuned with magics, most of them practicing some type or another. They traveled more often, and when Taliesin’s aunt set out for Vesuvia, he joined her along with some of his cousins, to help with the shop and learn magic from her.

#wow i missed talking about him #oc: taliesin #apprenticeapril

[lovemesomesurveys]

1) What are some positive things, realizations or habits that came out of quarantine for you? Things haven’t changed much for me because I’ve been a hermit crab anyway the past few years, spending majority of my time at home anyway. I do miss my few outings I did have, though, like trips to the grocery store and to the movies. I’ve only had to go to a doctor appointment, in person, twice since all this started, when before I had two appointments every month, so that has been nice. Not having those in-person, twice a month appointments has been something positive for me I suppose. However, should go see one of those doctors at some point. I’ll have to see how the rest of this year goes in terms of how my city’s case numbers go. My state has been a hotspot. :/

2) How do you feel about people who are "workaholics"? Would you consider yourself one? How do you personally maintain a work-life balance? If you aren't working, what personal activity or task takes up most of your time? I’m definitely not one. :X I admire people who are driven, ambitious, and hardworking, I wish I had that. However, it’s important to take some time for yourself, too, and allow yourself rest, so I hope “workaholics” keep that in mind. Don’t work yourself to death. Your body will often force you to rest somehow at some point if you overwork it, so do allow yourself rest. It’s not a bad thing. Anyway, the activities that take up my time consist of checking my social medias off and on throughout the day, watching YouTube, playing Animal Crossing, spending time with my family, watching TV, scrolling through Tumblr, doing surveys, and listening to ASMR. I’m sooo busy, guys. ha.

3) How financially responsible would you say you are? What could you spend less money on? I’ve been pretty good this year with my spending, actually. I was getting a bit carried away for a bit there with online shopping and using my credit cards too much. I also used to spend a lot of money on food and Starbucks. This year I haven’t really been doing any of that. 

4) How would you describe yourself as a friend? What value would you say you bring to your friends? Okay big ramble coming... I was an awful friend a few years ago. I became very distant and withdrawn from everyone outside of my immediate family and basically just fell off the grid. My former friends tried reaching out numerous times. A few years ago began my downward spiral into  this hole I’ve been in and I just haven’t been in a good place. I’ve been dealing with physical health stuff, but it’s the mental (depression and anxiety) that has really taken a toll. I pushed everyone away because of it. I didn’t have the energy and my messed up mind told me it was better to push everyone away, they don’t need me in their lives. They didn’t deserve to be ghosted and I feel absolutely horrible for doing that. None of what I was going through or feeling justifies what I did. Needless to say, I’m a shitty friend. I wasn’t like that before, I was always the loyal friend who was there for my friends. I was the friend people felt they could always come to talk to and get advice from. I’ve become someone these past few years that I don’t recognize, that I don’t want to be, and that I absolutely hate.

5) In psychology they say that our romantic relationships are an extension of our relationships with our parents, and that we tend to choose our partners based on whatever was lacking in our childhood, or that we are attracted to traumas and sufferings that are familiar to us rather than the unknown. Can you relate to this? I was very fortunate and blessed to be raised by amazing parents who have always been very loving and supportive. They’ve always been there for me and have and continue to do so much for me. I can’t and don’t blame them for my issues. It wasn’t because of anything they did or that I lacked in childhood. I’m not sure about the being attracted to traumas and sufferings that are familiar to us part. I mean, sure, we’re likely to form a bond or connection to someone we can relate to or someone we feel understands us. I’m not sure if that’s what you mean by that part, though. 

6) Is there a specific type of survey you miss taking? How or where do you find new surveys to take these days? I like taking surveys like this, the kind with random and interesting questions that allow me to elaborate and ramble/vent when I need to. Surveys with more than just the simple, basic questions. I get my surveys from a few fellow survey takers on here for the most part, but sometimes I have to go hunt on LiveJournal. Thankfully, ya’ll find a lot of the surveys so I don’t have to hunt too often haha.

7) Do you still care about tags on surveys? When you see surveys that you know don't credit the maker nowadays, how do you feel? If there’s a tag on it from the creator then of course I’ll leave it on. However, there rarely ever is and that’s either because the creator didn’t put one or it was erased long ago. A lot of these surveys are like a decade or so old and are from different platforms like Xanga, LiveJournal, and Bzoink, so there’s no way to know who the creator was. They’ve been circulated so many times. 

8) Is there anyone in your life who knows about your survey-taking habits? How would / do you explain the concept of our community to someone, if you ever have to? I like to keep my surveys to myself. Obviously, I put them out there for ya’ll to see, but I don’t want to share them with anyone in my personal life. These are like my diary. It’s a place for me to vent and ramble about whatever. Anyway, if I were to explain the survey community I’d probably just say what I said about them being like my diary and a way for me to vent and ramble. A way to express myself.

9) What happened the last time you had a disagreement or falling out with a friend? Or the last time you had to apologize to someone? I already explained a big fallout I had with my friends.

10) Can you tell when you are not well-liked? What do you do when you feel someone is not particularly fond of you? Can you remember the last time you were in that situation? I mean, I just feel like I’m not well liked anyway or like I’m not anything special. 

11) How would you say your preference in movies or TV shows changed from when you were a teenager vs. now? Well, I still watch some of the stuff I watched back then and stuff like it.

12) Apart from price and location, what are some deciding factors when choosing a house for you? What is something you love the most in your current home, and what would you change if you could? My family and I are just looking for a house 4 adults and a doggo can live comfortably. Hardwood floor would be nice. I’d love to have a big backyard for my doggo and a nice patio deck where I could just chill if I wanted. I appreciate that I have a home at all, it’s just that we’ve outgrown this 2-bedroom a long time ago and have accumulated a lot of stuff. If we had a little bigger space, nothing crazy, it would be perfect.

13) Do you know any "influencers" in real life? How much are you actually likely to follow an influencer's advice or recommendations? I’m not one to just try something solely because someone else said to. It has to be something I’m actually interested in and want to try. I appreciate the recommendations and advice, though. It’s cool hearing about something I’m not familiar with and may have never heard of otherwise. 

14) What emotion is the hardest for you to express? Can you think of a time when you felt force or successfully expressed this emotion? I have a hard time expressing myself and my feelings in general. It’s easier for me to do that in writing or like in a survey.

15) How do you feel about job interviews? Are you good at negotiation? Was there a time when you felt you didn't do so well during the interview, but still got the job? I’ve never had one, but I know I’d be an anxious, nervous wreck. Like I said, I’m not good at expressing myself or talking about myself despite how it may seem in these surveys. I don’t like the focus and attention on me at all. I’m also not good with being put on the spot. I don’t have that quick wit some people have. And then there’s having to “sell yourself” so to speak and hype yourself up to sound good for the job and I’m not good at that either. 

#personal #text #survey #surveys

[shaillow]

I recently had some major life changes. Things that I didn't think could happen, and things I thought I'd never be able to fix.

I recently let go of a friendship of 11 years, my best friend, my sister. I also started getting professional help for my mental illnesses. I would normally never admit to needing help, but I came to a point where I just said, "I can't fix this alone anymore. I can't do the tape and glue anymore."

In the midst of these changes, there has been a quote that I've clung to, because it struck me so hard when I read it.

"Only you can decide what breaks you."

That quote, it has been my saving grace. Losing that friendship was hard at first, almost unbearable. Then, I took a step back and realized the toxicity of it, the manipulation of it. Because I am introverted, she used it to her advantage, making me put myself into situations I would NEVER put myself in. The last straw was her abandoning me at a concert for the fact she didnt want to lose her spot. She would constantly get angry with me for not wanting to go out, go to parties, get drunk with strangers. She told me, "The reason you're single is because you'd rather read your stupid books then mingle with people."

Yes, yes I would. She then proceeded to tell me possibly the most heartbreaking thing you can tell someone who has buried 12 people before the age of 20. For someone who has dealt with depression, suicidal thoughts, and severe anxiety. For someone who has not been able to deal with the greif of losing those 12 people, because they all died within 6 years of each other, some of them just a few months after another. Someone who has been beaten, and broken, been taken advantage of, and had to put on a brave face because they were a caregiver.

She said: "You're exhausting to deal with. You're selfish, and rude. You hurt my feelings when you dont go out. You're flaky, you're just exhausting."

Those words, said in the middle of a busy Starbucks, broke me. This girl, who I had in my life for 11 years, could not see what was sitting in front of her.

She could not see the shattered bits of my heart being held together with glue and tape. She couldn't see me sleeping all day, waking up late, hating myself for doing it. She couldn't see the grief that was so evident in my eyes to everyone else that looked at me. She couldn't see the tape and glue that I fought so hard to keep in place, that I buried myself behind, fall apart. She couldn't see ME.

So, for the first time in a very, very long time. I stood up for myself again. I had enough. Enough of being walked all over, being friends with someone who couldn't understand why I was so sad.

For the first time in a long time, I said No. I said one of the hardest things in my life, as I believed I could fix myself. I was strong, wasn't I? Yes, and no. I was strong for what I had gone through, I was not strong for adding fire to the flames, for lashing out. But I was 14-18. I was young, and I had been through a lot, more then I would wish on my worst enemy.

I remember the moment that changed so many things. I was sitting there in my moms truck. She was talking about something, and I was looking out the window, at the hospital by the highway, when I turned to my mom and took a deep breath. She looked at me, concerned, as the look on my face was fear.

"Mom, I need help." I said, I remember how hard I was holding the door. Like I was going to break. But my mom, the woman who has never once judged me or belittled me. The woman who has ALWAYS supported me in whatever I did, smiled. Tears in her eyes.

"I'm so proud of you." She said, and I cried. I cried harder then I had in a long time. This massive weight had just.. Vanished from my chest.

I asked for help when I was ready, and I'm so, so glad that I did. For a long, long time I was lost. I was angry, I was hurt. I clung to all of the bad things that had happened, all of the rage, and greif. They molded me into the woman I am today, a strong woman. A woman who has been through hell, and came out on top with a scowl that said, "I can take more."

All of those things that I had gone through had become my armor. The armor I need at the time, and now.. I haven't lost that armor, I've just set it aside. I don't need it right now, but I will always have it. I am becoming.. A really great fucking person and no one, NO ONE, can take that from me.

So yes, I'm going to read my books, I'm gonna paint my fucking paintings. I'm going to stay home with my family, and go out with my REAL friends who love me for who I am. My friends who have been there with me at my lowest point, who wiped my tears, put my head up and said, "Keep going, I'm here."

I am healing my broken soul and heart, and I'm doing it all without YOU. I am great, I am kind. I'm selfless. I am brave, and strong, and most of all?

Only I can decide what breaks me.

#writeblr #writers #writeaway #written #writing #spilled ink #inspiredaily #positive mental attitude #mental help #stay positive #positivelife #sarah j maas

[august-anon]

August’s Masterpost as of 12/1/2019

Let me know if any of these links don’t work/go to the wrong post! Thanks! All of these can also be found on my ao3, under august_anon! 

I am working on a masterpost page for my blog itself, but tumblr hates me so I took a break to do this. When I finally finish that it might be updated more often, but I’ll still make these posts for people who are on mobile and can’t get to that page, these will all be under the tag “masterpost.”

Regular Fics

Still Got It - [ao3] - Roman is frustrated that he’s never heard Virgil laugh. Logan presents a solution. Turns out, after all these years, Virgil is still ticklish. Prinxiety, 2350 words

You Brought the Laughter Back - [ao3] - Sequel to “Still Got It” - Virgil may not have the experience Roman has, but his fingers definitely work magic, if Roman’s reactions are anything to go by. Prinxiety, 2170 words

I’m Not Ticklish - [ao3] - Logan has had a thing for tickling as long as he could remember, and he’s rather good at hiding it. It only takes one slip-up for Roman to find out and make his fantasies come true. Logince, 5588 words

Calorie Counting - [ao3] - Roman is struggling with his new system of trying to lose weight. Luckily, Patton is always there for him. Gen, 1496 words

Work of Art - [ao3] - Roman just really wants to paint on his super attractive boyfriend. Logan, surprisingly (or not so surprisingly), is very willing. Logince, 1357 words

We’ll Be Here, Always - [ao3] - Patton can’t always be happy, as much as he loathed to admit it. Sometimes he had bad days. Sometimes, those bad days had no rhyme or reason or cause. Luckily, his family’s always there to support him. Gen, 5039

TickleTober 2019 Fics 

Day 1: Feather - [ao3] - Someone’s been sneak-tickling Logan, and he’s determined to find out who. Gen, 727 words

Day 2: Fingers - [ao3] - Logan is ever so rudely awoken from his nap. Gen, 278 words

Day 3: Unusual Spot - [ao3] - Roman finds a rather unusual method of warming his hands, leading to the discovery of a rather unusual spot for Patton to be ticklish. Gen, 278 words

Day 4: Stocks - [ao3] - Roman agreed to help Logan with some of his “experiments.” He would never admit how much he loved it. Gen, 864 words

Day 5: Tools - [ao3] - It’s Virgil’s turn to help with an experiment, and he’s getting a little impatient waiting for what he truly wants. Gen, 684 words

Day 6: Gang Tickles - [ao3] - Virgil’s been in a certain kind of mood for a number of days, now. It’s a shame no one’s noticed enough to take advantage of it. Gen, 674 words

Day 7: Light Tickles - [ao3] -  Logan isn’t sleeping. Again. Luckily, Virgil has a remedy. Gen, 461 words

Day 8: Hard Tickles - [ao3] - Patton really wants to be wrecked. Logan is happy to oblige. Gen, 455 words

Day 9: “I’m not Ticklish” - [ao3] - Roman insists he’s not ticklish. Virgil insists that’s impossible. What else is there to do except test it out? Prinxiety, 446 words

Day 10: Arms Up - [ao3] - Virgil did ask for this, after all. Now all he needed to do was actually hold out. Gen, 218 words

Day 11: Sneak Attack - [ao3] - Patton is really much more sneaky than anyone gives him credit for. They really should start expecting it by this point. Gen, 233 words

Day 12: Unusual Tool - [ao3] -  A not-so-peaceful moment together of doing chores leads to the discovery of a new possible tool of torment for Roman and Patton. Royality, 269 words

Day 13: Feet - [ao3] -  Virgil can finally get his revenge on Patton for all the tickling, with the help of a few little piggies. Gen, 289 words

Day 14: Favorite Spot - [ao3] -  It was no secret that everyone in the mindpalace had their favorite spots, whether to tickle or be tickled. The rare thing was that, for one specific side, the favorite for everyone was unanimous. Gen, 194 words

Day 15: Cuddles - [ao3] -  Logan's been overworking himself and refuses to relax, even when everyone forces him to take a break. Luckily, his fellow sides know just what to do. Gen, 661 words

Day 16: Tickly Kiss - [ao3] -  Patton's having one of his "bad for no reason" days. Luckily, Virgil always seems to know what to do. Moxiety, 578 words

Day 17: Tickle Fight - [ao3] -  Virgil wasn't sure how it started, but he was going to try his hardest not to lose. Gen, 211 words

Day 18: Chase - [ao3] -  Roman may have wanted it, but he certainly wasn't going to make it easy for them. Gen, 194 words

Day 19: Stuck - [ao3] -  Roman probably should've thought this through before he did it... Gen, 242 words

Day 20: Hysterical - [ao3] -  It's Virgil's turn to experiment. He wants to know what it takes to make Logan hysterical. Gen, 343 words

Day 21: Accidental - [ao3] -  Logan didn't mean to brush against Patton's side, but he definitely didn't expect the reaction it produced. What did Patton expect him to do when he realized the mind palace's tickle monster was ticklish? NOT tickle him? Logicality, 642 words

Day 22: Tickly Massage - [ao3] -  Logan's been overworking again, which was causing his back pain to flare up again. Roman comes by to make sure he has a break. Logince, 994 words

100 Follower Milestone Celebration/Appreciation Prompts (all connected)

The Attack of the Garra Rufa - [ao3] -  Roman recently acquired a new spellbook and he is very excited to test out the new spells inside. Gen, 712 words

Could Use a Laugh - [ao3] -  Patton's got his hands on Roman's new spell book. He can't wait to put it to use! His first target? A grumpy little side who could use a little more laughter in his life. Gen, 1063 words

#masterpost

[vigilantestef]

13 years of Taylor.

It’s crazy to me that @taylorswift has been apart of my life for the last 13 years. I’ve been through devastating losses and heartbreak and she has been my best friend and supported me, comforted me, and understood me through her music. For the last 13 years she has also celebrated with me, been with me when I’ve found true love, and when I’ve had the best and happiest times in my life. She’s written a song for every occasion that correlates with my life, it’s like she knows me. These are the 13 songs that defined my life and helped me through so much and kept me a Taylor Swift fan after all these years.

1. Tim McGraw - this was the first song I ever heard by her. I was 16 in 2006 and getting ready for school and the first line, “He said the way my blue eyes shined put those Georgia stars to shame that night. I said: "That's a lie." Her voice and raw lyrics pierced my heart. I wrote it down in my notebook and headed to school then after school looked it up and found her website and watched the music video and fell even more in love with her.

2. White Horse - I had been in an abusive relationship in high school and stayed longer than I would like to admit. He manipulated me and poisoned me to believe that I would never be treated well enough that I was damaged goods and no one would want me after they knew all that he had done to me. As soon as I heard this song, I knew it was time to let him go, to be fearless and know I deserved more. That “somebody someday might actually treat me well.” It is a big world and that was a small town and I’m so happy I got away from him and it. One of the best decisions I ever made and Taylor gave me the courage to do that.

3. Breathe - After that relationship, after high school, I met someone. Someone who made me believe I had a second chance at a “first love.” That made me believe in soulmates and people were made for each other. He was my white horse, or so I thought. He left me unexpectedly. It was a night and day break up. He just woke up one day and decided we weren’t meant to be. During that breakup, I couldn’t breathe. But I knew I had to without him.

4. Dear John/Last Kiss - When I’m sad and want to live in those past relationships. I play those songs, Dear John for my abusive ex. Last Kiss for my biggest heartbreak.

5. Innocent - I’ve made plenty of mistakes in my life. I felt damaged and not good enough and on top of that huge break up, I found out two weeks later I was pregnant. I knew he wouldn’t be around and knew my daughter deserved more than what I could give her at 19 and so I made the hardest choice in my life and placed her for adoption. I moved on too quickly and got married to prove I was over everything. I didn’t give myself time to grieve and ended in a failed marriage so the bridge: “Time turns flames to embers you’ll have new Septembers every one of us has messed up too. Lives change like the weather, I hope you remember today is never too late to be brand new.” I placed my daughter for adoption in September and got married a year later in September so the new Septembers totally speaks to me.

6. All Too Well - Red came out when I was still dwelling on the heart from my daughter’s dad and in the grieving process I remember just looking back through everything and all the good times and not understanding why things ended like they did and how maybe we were a masterpiece or a family but he tore it all up because he was scared. He called me up like a month after I had our daughter and just the reminder of that pain and how he never asked how I was doing while I was pregnant, why would he do it now? I remembered everything, the love, the pain, all too well.

7. I Knew You Were Trouble - Red definitely spoke to that tumultuous relationship and the ups and downs and I was angry. Very angry with my daughter’s dad and how he couldn’t step up and it’s almost like I knew in the beginning but I was too blind in love to see that we wouldn’t work. I was angry he gave up his family so quickly, I felt like, “that he never loved me or HER or anyone or anything.”

8. Begin Again - On happier notes of Red. I was divorced and I met Adam, the true love of my life. The man I’m married to now and have been the last six years. When I was scared and showed him every dark part of me and when there would be moments that I would want to share my past, I would look at him and feel his love and knew it wasn’t comparable to it. That all the pain from the past was worth it to lead me to him. It didn’t matter if the last guy didn’t think I was funny, Adam did. He has loved and accepted every part of me (even my affinity for Taylor). He and I connected on our failed marriages and on not being able to see our children (his kids live out of state). We truly understood each other and knew the sacrifices we had given up for love. I watched everything and felt everything Begin Again with him.

9. The Moment I Knew - This is one of my all time favorite deluxe tracks. It’s so sad but that chorus rocks me to my core. It’s the moment I knew that that as sad as everything was, I don’t need to hold onto my past to move forward.

10. Wonderland - another deluxe track that the beat, the lyrics, it reminds me of my marriage with my ex husband. I think we were both in denial towards the end that our marriage wasn’t working, we pretended it would last forever. We got lost in our marriage and lost ourselves and both eventually went mad and knew we were better apart than together.

11. Getaway Car - Fun fact, I cried when I heard this song live. It’s my FAVORITE track off of reputation. I met Adam in the beginning process of my divorce and it felt like three was a sideshow. It’s like from the beginning, my marriage was cursed with my ex and we never had a shot to make it last. We were driving the getaway car and I eventually got away.

12. King of my Heart/Call it what you want - I’ve said from the beginning that reputation would be a husband album. I’ve been through friendships that I knew were fake and I found out who my real friends were during my divorce. So call it what you want kind of speaks to not talking to anybody and how people were talking behind my back but it didn’t matter because I found Adam and I was happy and they can say what they want but we had each other. King of my heart goes hand in hand with this. My tradition with Adam is to listen to Taylor’s new albums when they release. I listened to KOMH with him and I cried! I told him, “Taylor is SO HAPPY” and I cried because she found her “Adam”. Everything she sung were all the feelings I had with my husband. All at once, I knew, he was all I wanted, he was the king of my heart, body and soul.

13. ME! - I’m SOOO excited for Lover. I, again, cried when I watched the video premiere because it was words I needed to hear. I had been feeling a lot of self doubt, my anxiety and depression was kicking my ass, I didn’t feel special or unique. Then Taylor said, “you’re the only one of you, and baby that’s the fun of you!” And she’s right, I’m the only one of ME and that’s the fun of ME! There’s no other me out there that can replace me. My husband and I have a daughter (Jade) together and I’m her only mother. No one could never take that place. This song also happens to be Jade’s favorite song and will catch her singing and dancing to the chorus. She asks to watch the video because she loves the snake part. Taylor you have another Swiftie (she also says “1, 2, 3 let’s go!” during Delicate).

Taylor, THANK YOU. Thank you for writing these songs. I know these were for you but I also felt like they were for me. I love connecting with you and wish someday to share all of this with you face to face. One hug from my best friend is all I need. I’m excited for the next 13 years and what they hold for us!

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