#I tried to keep it simple because if I put in a huge amount of effort I wouldn't be able to finish all of them

[monster-inside-of-your-head]

some misc fionna and cake inspired drawings because oh boy did I have too many ideas

#Fionna and Cake #Fionna the Human #Simon Petrikov #Finn the Human #Petrigrof #quo's art #quo's colors #in a variety of styles #I tried to keep it simple because if I put in a huge amount of effort I wouldn't be able to finish all of them #so by “a variety of styles” I do mean they are all simple cartoony #but in different ways lol #SHAPED THE SAME COLORED DIFFERENT

[cherriteaa]

Draken x Black Fem Reader

Honestly, I watched the ep with emma and seeing Draken cry like that hurt me soooo bad. So I'm gonna write some sweet cutesy stuff abt Draken being sooo in love with his pretty gf. And Her taking care of him bc he deserves it. 

Contents: Suuugary sweet fluff 

(not proofread)

I always think it's so cute that they call eachother's gf's in Toman their 'wifey' omg 

Draken is def 100% calling you his wife all the time. Some of the members of Toman even call you by his last name just to mess with you. It's become such a routine joke that it's just become standard. Yall are together 24/7 anyways, might as well get used to it. 

On the topic of that. He will never ever call you out of your name. Not unless it's a petname or something like that. He thinks guys who call women out their name should be jumped. He won't let any other guy get away with calling you out of your name either.

He's super protective of you. He prefers to keep you in his line of sight when you guys are out with gang members just because he knows there are other gangs who play dirty who can attack at any time. He knows other members of Toman will protect you, but nobody can protect you like he can protect you. He's definitely the type to drape his jacket over your shoulders. Not only does he think it's cute, but it also lets anyone know that you are his. 

He's an arm around the shoulders kinda guy. For some reason, holding hands in public gets him a little flustered, but he'll totally put his arm around your shoulders and pull you close. 

He tries his best not to let you know when things are getting to him, but you've been around him long enough to notice what it means when he gets quiet, or when he's clenching his jaw more than normal. Please, please, please take care of him. He appreciates it more than he lets on. Especially when you let him sleep in your cute room. He likes to tease you about you unfathomable amount of plushies and pink items, but it's genuinely the most comfortable place he could ever be. He gets the best sleep of his life there, and you think it's so cute. Literally this tiktok .

Sometimes, guys literally just need to be held by their girlfriends. Of course, he isn't the type to ask though. You might notice he'll be a little more touchy, but he's more silent. However, if you join him in your bed and wrap your arms around him, you just might hear him huff a huge sigh before wrapping his arms around you. You're home to him. Play with his hair and watch all the stress and tension melt from his shoulders. 

On really bad days, for example when Pah or Kazutora went to jail, he will seek you out and just pull you into a hug, resting his chin on your head. He'll mumble something simple like 

"Just needed to hold you." 

Otherwise, he's really content with being the big spoon when you cuddle. He's a big fan of rubbing your back when you cuddle. He's also the type to latch onto you when you're cooking, wrapping his arms around your waist and resting his chin on your shoulder while you cook and just resting his eyes. There's just something about you that brings him peace. 

He's also the type that gets SO embarrassed when he gets caught staring at you. His friends tease him about it all the time, but he can't help it when you're just being...you. He gets a soft smile on his face and he drifts off in his own little world. If he's feeling bold, he just may walk over to place a kiss to your temple, or wrap his arms around you. 

Draken is also a very perceptive man. He absolutely will notice if you got your nails or lashes done. Even if you so much as try dressing a new style, expect some kind of attention drawn to it. He'll grab your hand and admire the new set, or tilt your chin up to look at your eyes and compliment your lashes, or even stepping back to admire your outfit.

As we all know, tokyo rev boys are literally ALWAYS OUT. Which means they often pass shops and things. Occasionally, he might buy a sanrio plushie or cute keychain or trinket to give to you later on. He's very familiar with your obsession with cute things after listening to all your rants.

He's an old-fashion gentleman as always. Opening doors for you, walking so that you are on the inside part of the sidewalk, always making sure you're seated and not him in an area crowded with limited seats, holding the umbrella for you both ect. If he has one helmet and you're riding with him, he's 100% making sure you're wearing his helmet. He thinks you look cute in it anyways.

If you have any younger siblings, he definitely tries to show off just a little. He likes being seen as cool and stuff, and its kind of cute watching him lift heavy stuff or show off his bike to impress them. 

HE LEARNED HOW TO DO YOUR HAIR. He watches you do it, and watches youtube videos. He knows the specific products for your specific hairtype, and if you ever need or want help in any part of your hair process, he'll help you. He's so damn good at detangling, even if you're tenderheaded. 

He takes your problems seriously. He thinks guys who brush their girlfriend's problems off as insignificant are assholes. He's genuinely there for you always. While he may tease you a little if its not something that causes you a lot of distress, and may add some jokes about 'just beating them up' here and there, he always has really good insight on what to say. You can have deep conversations with him and he likes that about you. He's always in awe of how you can think of things he's never thought of.

Overall, he's such a caring boyfriend. At least he tries to be. He's easily flustered and tries to play some things off as cool, but that man will genuinely move mountains for you. His relationship with you is a comfortable one, thats heavy on you both checking in on eachother and making sure you're ok. Even though he's not the gentlest person ever, he tries his hardest for you.

A/n: Omg I'm so excited to get back to writing again!! I love Toman sm so expect more Tokyo Rev posts.

btw, Kisaki is a TRICK ASS BITCH bro. Like die....now. 

as always, please please please reblog and/or comment. I'm restarting my writing blog again, and would love love love to meet mutuals. 

My requests are: Open!

#🍒writes #🍒girldinner #Draken x reader #Draken x black reader #ken ryuuguji x reader #ken ryuuguji x you #ken ryuguji x black reaedr #tokyo revengers #tokyo revengers x reader #tokyo revengers x you #tokyo revengers x black reader #tokyo rev x you #tokyo rev x black reader #anime #x black reader #black reader #tokyo revengers fluff

[restinslices]

Yo, still waiting for that if Tomas was a sub one (canon tbh)

Cannot believe I forgot. Y’all can boo me

Imma just come out and say it. He's such a whiny sub

There are characters that give me dom vibes but I think them as subs would be fun. There are characters that give me switch vibes. Tomas gives me only sub vibes. I don't detect a dom in there. idk, that's just me tho

So needy and whiny it'd probably throw you off when you see him doing anything other than begging you to touch him 

Cannot handle teasing at all. He's ok with teasing you but breaks easily when you tease him 

Honestly he can't backup any of the shit he talks. 

One of those subs who need attention at all times. Even if you're not interacting with him, he still wants you in the area 

Kinks I think he'd have are barebacking, biting, humiliation (a HUGE one and imma stand on it), breath play, collaring (in private), impact play, sex toys and sensory deprivation 

I just feel like he's a slut in disguise. Where's my proof? I made it the fuck up. I'm doing this for US 

If you have female anatomy he's also getting pegged. IDC IDC 

Humiliation is a big one for him because he knows it's still a safe space. You can taunt him about how he's a slut, write things on him, make him get off with something unusual, ect. but at the end of day you still love him and it's all for fun. 

You can tell when he's needy ‘cause he's extremely close to you. He follows you around normally, but he's right on your heels 

To torture him more you can pretend you have no idea what he wants. He knows you know and you know he knows, but watching him try to ignore how he feels ‘cause he doesn't wanna say it out loud is priceless. 

He also has a tendency to say he can't take anymore but in reality he wants you to keep going. This is a big guy, he can take it. 

There's two good punishments for him; Cockwarming and overstimulation 

Cockwarming because he can't handle teasing. It's so simple but he can't stand it and doesn't know which is worse; when you're inside of him (actual dick or strapon, doesn't matter) or when he's inside of you. Either way, it doesn't take long for him to apologize for whatever he's done and beg you to fuck him already. 

For overstimulation he gets turned on and cums pretty easily so it wouldn't take that much to overstimulate him. 

These two go well together. Cockwarming then overstimulation as a “isn't this what you wanted?”

What would make this better is quizzing him on something. His brain stops working when he's horny so quizzing him on Lin Kuei principles or something else he for sure knows adds to it. 

He knows he knows the answer but his brain is a fog. It kinda puts the punishment in his hands but that adds to the torture. If he could figure this out, then you'd actually fuck him (or you'd stop fucking him if you do this while overstimulating him)

As I'm typing this I thought of another thing that can be both a punishment but also something he enjoys. Dryhumping. Listen to me and listen to me well-

I can see him coming up behind you when you're alone and rubbing against you to let you know he's needy. And if you told him to keep going, he'd cum but it's not what he really wants to do. 

So him being in trouble and being forced to rub against you but not be inside you or have you inside him would drive him nuts. 

Aftercare for him would be showering together, cuddling and reassuring him you didn't mean any of the negative things you said. Especially after an intense punishment, he needs to hear you don't actually think negatively of him and you love him. 

Also reading together depending on the day. Just something really chill to pull him back to reality. 

I just realized he has the least amount of words so here are afterthoughts to fix that

I know I've called him whiny multiple times but I genuinely think sometimes he can't even form coherent sentences. All that comes out are noises 

Tries not to pout but does so anyway 

He can get off just from giving head 

Loves you leaving marks on him as long as he can cover it up. He can't be scrapping and the enemy sees a hickey on his neck

Tries to sneakily break rules. For example, if a rule is “no touching yourself when I'm gone” he'll do it anyway and try to get rid of the evidence. He'll shower, change clothes, clean any toy he used and whatever else he has to do but you somehow always know. 

Tomas is not the best liar and has some habits he does when lying, like tapping his fingertips together so you find out that way or from actually catching him and pretending you didn’t

The type to break rules on purpose if you haven't been giving him attention and then be surprised when actions have consequences 

Will call you whatever title you prefer if you don't just wanna go by your name

Like his brothers, he for sure could just throw you off but he never does. It adds to the fun. He's a skilled assassin but if you said “jump” he'd ask “how high?”

The best sub to have if you want one whos so pathetically in love with you but can be a little shit sometimes 

Even after his punishments, he keeps apologizing to make sure you're not actually mad at him. 

Probably begs you to cum inside him anyway you can

I see him and start tweaking fr

#tomas vrbada #tomas vrbada smoke #tomas vrbada x reader #smoke #tomas vrbada mk1 #tomas vrbada headcanons #tomas vrbada x y/n #tomas vrbada smut #sub Tomas vrbada #Sub smoke #mk1 #mk1 2023 #mortal kombat 1 #Mdni #feral for this man

[pablitosgf]

always ! — cl16

pairings ! — charles leclerc x fem!ex!reader

warnings ! — heart break, mentions of cheating, and thats it (i think).

info ! — in which you learn the reason why y/n hates the word, "always."

authors note ! — inspired from always - daniel caesar, if you can see there are some connections to the lyrics and the events with y/n… <3

format ! — writing

Always. A word you despised, a word you hated with all your heart. It made your heart go cold and your whole body go numb. No matter the use of the word it brought you back to memories you tried to stored deep within your brain. In a chest, in fact, you tried to keep it locked but somehow it let it's way out with the word “always” and you hated how such a word could have a huge effect on you. A word so simple, yet so heartbreaking for someone like you.

Always used to be a word you loved though. A word that made your heart melt instead of break into tiny fragments like it did now. Such a word had a huge effect on you, not a bad one, but a good one back then. The promises from him included always every single time. To which you would interlock your pinky with his and repeat the word again. Thinking of it now made you break and turn into a crying fit. It was embarrassing, to say the least. Everything reminded you of him, but that word especially did.

To put it into simple terms you hated that word because he made broken promises. People constantly say, “Promises are meant to be broken.” but you disagreed with that. You hated broken promises. Even he knew, yet he decided to break those promises. He’d say things like:

“We’ll always be each other’s forever.”

“You’ll always be mine, even until the end of time.”

“Always.”

“We’re like peanut butter and jelly, we always go together.”

Thinking about those caused a stinging effect on your poor broken heart. But you could never hate him, you’ve loved him for years. The sight of him makes your heart leap but also break into a million more pieces. You could never forget the night it all happened, the night when “always” became the word you hated, the night when all the promises he made for years were broken, the night when he wasn't your always and forever anymore.

“Hi mon amour,” you said shakily as if you were about to cry any second. You knew what was about to happen, but tried your best to remain as positive as you could, so you swallowed up those tears and put on a wonky, lopsided smile. You always thought negatively of everything and he knew that. So, when you received the text of him wanting to talk to you after you got off work you assumed the worst. “You asked if we could talk?”

He looked down at the ground, not bothering to meet your eyes that were filled with love, nervousness, and scariness. Your heart was beating out of your chest. The uneasy smile on your face faltered as he still refused to make eye contact. What went wrong? That was the only question left in your head.

After a few minutes of deafening silence looming over the two of you, he finally said the words you knew he was going to say.

“I want to breakup.”

You answered by giving him a nod as tears threatened to leave your eyes, your vision had gotten blurry due to the amount of tears building up over the past few minutes. You couldn't even fight back and be stubborn to have him stay. Future you wished you had, because six months later you hadn't been over him. A decade's worth of your life thrown into the trash. You sat there as he left the shared apartment you had with him in Monaco. All you wanted to do was cry till you couldn't.

You had no why. He didn't give any closure to you, even after six months. Every day since that day you rotted in your bed crying until you were tired and couldn't anymore. This was the first heartbreak you’ve ever experienced, and you hoped this would never happen. Because at that time you thought he was your forever and always and you were his. Even after six months, you thought there was still a possibility, you still had hope he’d return to you because you would with open arms.

In the closet, you both used to share you still kept his part empty, so whenever he came back he could fill it back up with his clothes which you’d steal every day. And in the bathrooms where you still had the brush holder near the second sink, but with no toothbrush. You’d always stare through the mirror where he would be, happily brushing his teeth with a smile on his face waiting to kiss you because you didn't want to kiss him with morning breath. You kept the left side of the bed empty for him because it was the side closest to the door and he wanted to protect you in case there was any intruder. Even after six months, half a year, you still kept it that way. He moved on while you didn't.

And you remembered that day vividly.

You finally had the will to go out and have brunch, it was a one-on-one with Lily. She was one of your best friends and you’d say she’s the WAG you were the closest with. Lily and you instantly clicked when you first met. She would do anything for you and you knew it with all your heart. And you would do anything for her.

So when she whizzed her head around, looking back at you with wide eyes she quickly tried to hide you were confused. Her eyes were filled with panic and distress, you wanted to find out why. You looked behind her to find out but she kept blocking your view, and to be honest, she looked ridiculous, to say the least.

“Stop moving your head, I want to see.”

“Y/n, trust me you don't want to.”

“Lily, I don't care.”

And you wished you didn't. You saw him there with a girl, she looked very familiar to you. Then it clicked, she was the girl he told you not to worry about, and right there you were questioning his fidelity. Question if you had been cheated on all this time. And if so for how long? Just when you thought you were doing well it all fell down, all your hard work, and your progress went back to 0%. A look of pity washed through Lily’s face and you hated it. She was trying to protect you, and you hated how stubborn you were. You wished you listened. Tears welled in your eyes just like that day, you mumbled, “I wanna go home.”

Lily nodded as she went to pay for the barely eaten food then the two of you left the restaurant. You wondered if he saw you, probably not though. He seemed to be focused on his new girl. All your friends expected you to hate him after this, but you couldn't. You dated that man for twelve years and loved him since you were little.

Even after that you still kept the right side of the bed instead of the left, left the abandoned toothbrush holder, and left the his side of the closet empty. You couldn't move on to another chapter of your life. But you had to. Though, deep in your heart you still had a spot filled with love for him. Forever and…

yourusername

liked by lilymhe and 673,924 others

yourusername you said always, what happened?

view all 328 comments

lilymhe i love you so much strong girl 🩷

⤷ love u more 💕

heidiberger_ i'll be here for you forever 🫶🏼

⤷ heidi 🥹

user1 we all know who quotes are about… 😕

user2 and the caption!! 🥹🥹🥹

#pablitosgf #f1 #f1 x you #f1 fanfic #f1 fic #f1 imagine #f1 one shot #f1 x reader #formula 1 #f1 x y/n #formula one imagine #formula one #charles leclerc x female reader #charles leclerc x you #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc #charles leclerc x fem!reader #formula one oneshot #formula 1 imagine #formula 1 fanfic

[fabaceous]

exactly one (1) person asked for my thoughts on jackie’s pov of jackieshauna so me being me i obviously wrote an even longer essay than my shauna essay. so. here you go anon, SORRY or you’re welcome.

we can all agree that if you boil jackie down (um... sorry, too on the nose?) to her bare essentials, what you’re left with is basically a huge pit of insecurity. shauna is incapable of facing other people, but jackie is incapable of facing herself. jackie is incredibly inwardly/emotionally unstable but she doesn’t actually realize it because she does such a good job of distracting herself by curating her environment, her image, the people she’s surrounded by, their image, her hobbies, and on and on and on. she (without fully understanding that this is what she’s doing) tries to impose order on her outer world in the hopes that that will, by extension, bring order to her inner world.

so, here is my thesis statement: i propose that shauna is both jackie’s biggest source of stability AND her biggest source of instability.

shauna is the only one who’s always been there for her. it’s so telling that out of all the things jackie could’ve complimented shauna on in that scene (her intellect? her depth as a person? her looks?) she chose this. it shows us what jackie’s priorities are and why she values shauna: shauna is her rock, her best friend and trusty sidekick, she’s steady and loyal.

thing is, shauna isn’t. while shauna saintifies jackie after death and turns her into an  idea/symbol, jackie kinda does the same to shauna in life. she needs shauna to be her rock, and she needs it SO badly, like survival-level badly, that she just can’t leave space for shauna to be anything else. this sucks for shauna, because she doesn’t feel like jackie truly sees her in all her complexity. but it also sucks for jackie, because she just doesn’t realize when things are going downhill - and she doesn’t realize that her search for stability in shauna has been doomed to fail from the get-go, because shauna has a mind of her own.  

and this is when shauna becomes jackie’s biggest source of INstability: when she goes rogue. or, maybe more accurately, when she does what jackie interprets as “going rogue” - aka going against jackie’s carefully laid-out plans, whether or not she truly meant it as a snub. exhibit a: voting to go to the lake instead of stay at the crash site. for a healthy, secure person/relationship this would’ve been a simple difference of opinion. but for jackieshauna it drove a wedge between them for an entire day or possibly more, because by defying jackie, shauna destabilizes jackie’s very, VERY tenuous grip on the TINY amount of control she feels like she has over her world.

this control is EVERYTHING to jackie because it’s the only thing that can alleviate her internal turbulence. and she is DESPERATE for her fix, so she reaches, grasps, searches for the stability that she needs, that she only knows how to find in shauna, and it always seems to be just out of her reach, and of course we know it’s impossible to find internal stability through external things, but jackie thinks if she just stretches a little further and holds on a little tighter, she’ll get what she needs, so she clings onto shauna more and more desperately, not realizing that squeezing so tight could have unwanted side effects.

and just like with shauna - there IS genuine love here! but as much as shauna has warped ideas about what love looks like (and boy does she!), jackie has some messed up ideas about love too! jackie adores shauna, but part of that adoration is tied to how jackie builds shauna up in her own head, and when shauna fails to live up to the role that jackie needs her to play, it sends jackie into a tailspin and she lashes out. and i think jackie thinks that because she loves shauna, she can’t possibly be hurting her. it’s not a cage if i make it cozy, right? if i put some blankets down and keep her nice and safe? she’s not trapped, i’m taking good care of her, she’s choosing to stay, and if she wanted differently, she’d say so. (but shauna can’t/won’t say so, as we know.)

so. to sum it up. on a good day, shauna keeps jackie afloat, but on a bad day, shauna sends jackie spiraling. jackie needs her so desperately and the tragedy is that she loves shauna so much and she’s so terrified of losing her that she does everything she can to prevent it, but her desperation blinds her to the fact that, by holding onto shauna so tightly, she’s contributing to the very situation she hoped to avoid: shauna leaving her.

#yeah i dont know. let me know if i lost the plot here #i might just be projecting my own jackieshauna adjacent experiences onto jackie lol #honestly i thought about this for way too long and kind of want to just get it out of my drafts and into the world #questions comments concerns? #not trying to victim blame jackie btw. but from personal experience sometimes the sad truth is that it just goes like that #you hold on too tight and end up driving them away #yellowjackets

[kuabiso]

For the yandere Boombox one , either is okay !! Or both , whatever you want to do !

guys, what scares me is that your many queries are yandere

— Headcanons for Yandere Boombox!

cw : obsessive, trying to please, can't make up his mind, weird thoughts.

— “You want to come up and vibe out with me for a bit?”

ᝰ˚₊· Of course, the Boombox would not want to deprive you of communication with others, but he also did not want to be alone.

ᝰ˚₊· And also he will use his usual humor to create a pleasant conversation. Considering that he often tries to defuse a tense situation with the help of humor.

ᝰ˚₊· But what if you don't like this behavior? Then the musician would try to be very restrained in his behavior or be more refined. Just to make you feel good around him.

ᝰ˚₊· If you think about it, then most likely the Boombox took care of your relatives as well as you. Yes it is to gain the respect of your family.

ᝰ˚₊· In order to get a definite and coordinated approval from your family, he would try to get on your positive side and get closer.

ᝰ˚₊· A musician would be very attached to you and would do anything to protect you, even if it meant harming himself. Furiously covering, the Boombox would give anything for your safety.

— “Don't worry, it's just a little bruise!”

ᝰ˚₊· Boombox will not try to kill or harm anyone. All I could think of was trying to get you out of the house, but that wouldn't be right either.. Therefore, the maximum of his strong attempt to appropriate you is to stay with him for the night, and after the night stay for another day... why not?

ᝰ˚₊· And if it comes to murder, Boombox will immediately condemn himself for his strange thoughts, his main goal will be to become the main successful partner.

ᝰ˚₊· Therefore, a joke about a small notebook in a shirt pocket will be very appropriate, because he will take into account your every word in order to please you more. And he will even constantly monitor and look closely at the person you somehow single out.

ᝰ˚₊· If you notice a change in his character, he will try to awkwardly and shyly dismiss this stupid thought, but it's like you're reading his actions. What makes it awkward...

ᝰ˚₊· A musician will put a huge amount of effort into making sure that the person he was attracted to wants to reciprocate.

— “Is it time for you to go already? But the party is in full swing!”

ᝰ˚₊· He would keep any small wrapper or object from you in a box like a gift, even if it was a joke. It will already be expensive for him.

ᝰ˚₊· In fact, his main task will not be to "appropriate you" or "kill someone who is his competitor.".. No, not at all, the most important thing for the Boombox was your simple happiness.. smile.... laughter.... It would be a real pleasure for him.

ᝰ˚₊· And he would never try to leave you, even if he remained a simple stupid friend who is in love with you. Even if you come in tears and ask for support, he is always happy to help... Because you are dear, nothing else matters.

ᝰ˚₊· The musician would be just as depressed as you are if he found out that you had a fight with your partner. This musician will definitely cheer you up.

ᝰ˚₊· I think that Boombox as Yandere was one of the most calm and guided by your feelings. After all, his task for him was not only so that you could accept his feelings, but also so that he could stay with you... at least as a friend.

ᝰ˚₊· Your touch will confuse him, for a moment. This proximity would be intoxicating and the language of his body would give him away in the blink of an eye, flinching and trembling from not knowing what to do.

credit by reveriesources

#phighting! #phighting x reader #boombox phighting

[heyidkyay]

I guess I’ll take this pain, instead of your name |

Part Fifteen

A/n: Hey:) There's a lot going on in this part, but also a new pov, though it's really short! Couple of surprises in here too... haven't been too active as of late either and I'm not too sure when the next part will be out, just struggling atm but I hope you enjoy fifteen!:)

Summary: In life, things changed. The boys you'd once grown up with were men now, and famous ones at that. The type that toured the world and had millions of adoring fans.

The five of you shared a shit ton of history. But you also shared a lot of mixed emotions for one of them in particular, a certain drummer.

Warnings: Body issues, insecurities, panic attacks, lots of emotions basically... but there's some fluff too, very lovely stuffs:)

Masterlist

--

“You ready?”

My head snapped up at the sound of Lee’s gentle voice. He was stood in the bathroom’s doorway waiting patiently for me, he wore a soothing smile. The unnecessary gesture helped ease my mind somewhat, but I noted that my hand was still trembling even as I moved to stand. 

I nodded at him in a silent reply. 

Even after the assent, it took me an embarrassing amount of time to pull myself up off the hospital bed- I had been getting better and better at it though. In truth, it had taken everything but a forklift to get me up out of it the first time around, since then things had only gotten easier for me, even with all the aches and pains. Because if there was anything anyone should know about me it was that I was stubborn to an absolute fault.

Lee didn’t comment on the pace though, nor my stiff gait as I slowly made my way towards him. Instead he simply asked me other things to keep my brain active. How I'd slept, if I'd caught up on this new show we'd both been watching, what music Matty'd had me listening to.

“Where’s our Matty today then anyway? Patients have been commenting on the sudden peace and quiet.”

I snorted and Lee, the sweetheart, gave me an apologetic smile when I winced at the sudden pain that flooded my chest. Even so, I was still unable to help the small grin I gave him.

“He’s downstairs getting breakfast with Ross.” I replied, picking at the remnants of the plaster they’d removed from my inner elbow when they’d taken the IV out. “Wanted to be on my own for this part.”

I was gifted an understanding nod in reply to my faint admission, and Lee took my good arm in his when I finally reached him. That was all that was said on the topic.

The bathroom was pretty big compared to what I’d actually pictured the first time I’d tried getting out of bed for a wee. It was a shower room, or that’s what Matty had called it. It had a sink and its very own toilet, but it was essentially just a massive shower. The head was situated on the far side wall and had a square drain just below it, but there were no dividers in the floor that separated the shower from the rest of the room. Only another long drain by the door’s threshold. 

It was a pretty cool concept, but I’d yet to put it to actual use. That was what this morning was all about though. And to say that I was nervous would have been a huge fucking understatement.

I inhaled as best as I could whilst my eyes darted around the mostly void space, needing to ebb some of the anxiety I felt, but even that simple task was slowly getting easier for me. I had to admit that Dr. Mann’s advice on doing those breathing and coughing exercises had sounded inhuman and had fucking killed the first few times round, but they were working. Helping a lot actually. And that’s all I could really ask for. 

Hopefully soon enough I’ll be out of this place. But I’ll easily admit that I will definitely miss all the lovely patients that have been in and out of here too, as well as some of the wards amazing staff. They’d truthfully been such a massive support system and had helped endlessly when I’d needed a distraction from my own frail state.

“You gonna be okay?” Lee questioned me then, it was a prompt, that much was sure, but his voice held so much sincerity. He was one of the few I’d come to treasure most. 

I glanced towards him and forced myself to give him a verbal response, after all he’d had to put up with my silent nods and moody cues all morning. 

“Yeah.” I breathed, eyes dancing away from his again, scared he’d see through my lie. “And you’ll be just outside the door, in case I need you?” I added quietly. 

“Just a shout away.” Lee reassured me in that sweet tone of his, rubbing at my forearm once before evidently letting go. He gestured towards one of the bathroom’s corners, “And if you can’t shout, then try and pull that long orange rope for me, yeah? Like we spoke about.”

I swallowed then pulled my bottom lip into my mouth. 

Lee must’ve known that I wasn’t in much of talkative mood, because he smiled once more and then went to take a seat back by the bed. I dragged myself to my impending doom, carefully shutting the door behind me.

I took a moment then to centre myself, locking the latch promptly, and then turned to have another look around. A towel had already been hung up for me just by the sink, one from home, and a small array of shower essentials were lined up on a hanger by the shower head, though, the mirror was what caught my immediate attention.

It was something I’d been avoiding each and every time I came in to use the sink or the toilet, now though… I almost felt myself drifting towards it. First with my eyes, unable to draw my gaze away from it for too long, and then with my body altogether. It just seemed to automatically stray in that direction.

Then with a jerk, I realised the intention there and quickly turned away before I could get a close enough look, pivoting back towards the shower head instead. I started it up.

It had been a long couple days. Tiring, although all I'd done is mainly just sleep. 

They’d seemed to drag on though, so repetitive, so mundane.

Just meds, meds, meds.

And talk, talk, talk.

I wanted to be out of here already. I wanted to be back home, where I felt safe. Home, where I could hole away for a while and deal with this all properly. Instead of facing it head on whilst having to front a smile for everyone else at the same time.

One bad day. One terrible fucking evening. And now my whole world felt as though it had fallen apart. Like sand seeping through clasped hands.

Usually, I was the one who knew how to deal with it all, with everything life threw at me. I knew how to cope. I was the one who’d always coped. I had to be. I’d always been. That was just how it had always worked. With my dad, then with mum, and the guys…

The water heated beneath my palm. I let my eyes slip close.

I was devastated, honestly. That’s the only word I could use to describe the way I’d been feeling recently. 

It felt like I was stuck in this never ending loop, a blackhole of nothingness. A vicious cycle of good and then shit and then fucked. Because when things were finally going good, finally getting better, life would just mow me the fuck back down. Literally, this time around, my mind unhelpfully supplied.

So as I carefully undressed and stepped under the shower's warm water, I had to try very hard not to think back to that night. To the screech of tires. To the shouts of my name. But the water it reminded me too much of the rain. It itched and it burned my skin. And it all felt a little too much. 

Blindly I swatted outwards towards the shower’s temperature dial, turning it and turning it until I shocked my body back to the present with a sharp stinging cold.

I had yet to even open my eyes either. To peer down at my battered body. The scars that marred it, both new and old. And still, I wanted to cry.

I swallowed, again. But that lump I felt forming in the back of my throat was only growing. I had to lean against the wall to stabilise myself, body shaking now. Panic coming in waves. I only had one free hand, the other in its cast and wrapped up tight, impenetrable to the water. I used it to soften the fall of my head when I let it hang, unable to hold it up much longer. 

My hair was wet, I could feel it clinging to the back of my neck. I promised I’d try to keep it out from under the spray, the wound they're still tender. But now it was wet and I’d gone and broken that promise. That thought only crumpled me further, cowering me in the corner just outside the spray’s cold curtain.

My chest heaved even in the frigid room and the water clung to the tiles and to my skin. It made me shiver even though I felt like I was close to melting.

My ribs hurt, my whole upper body really. And my arm slipped out from under me causing my hand fall to my side. Thoughtlessly I laid my fingertips against the skin there, wondering briefly if it was yellowing, or if it was still black and blue and purple. My breath hitched when I felt the new groove there. The line that numbed my fingers enough for them to dart away on their own accord. My arm followed just behind them and I found myself slumping, turning and slipping further down the tiled wall. Everything so cold.

I don’t know how much time passed before a tentative knock sounded on the door.

My head darted up so quickly I fretted over whether or not I’d just added whiplash to my extensive list of injuries. But I had to make sure that the door was still locked. That no one else could get in. I didn’t need anyone seeing me like this.

“Y/n? You alright in there?”

It was just Lee. 

“It’s just Lee.” I whispered to myself then inhaled sharply, ignoring the heat that licked its way through my chest. I forced a bravado. “Yeah!” I called back to him over the strength of the shower, “Fine!”

“You sure?”

“‘Course! Be out soon.”

I heard his hummed assent and then saw his shadow disappear from beneath the door. 

Fuck.

“Fuck!” I huffed, digging a knuckle into the corner of my eye and forcing myself to toughen up. “Fuck.” I repeated again, even softer than the last. The panic still looming.  

I strained myself trying to stand, gripping the nearby bar to aid me, but I did it in the end. And I had to push everything out of my head during the next few moments that followed, strategically washing myself down and rinsing off before I could crumble again. I kept my eyes tightly shut throughout it all, dismissing the more tender areas of my mangled body and focusing on the task at hand.

I could only assume that it was over in minutes, but those minutes had felt like hours to me. It’d almost been torturous.

I was quick to step away from where I’d been toying with the spray, too scared to fully submerge myself under it again, and was cautious not to slip as I tiptoed my way over towards the towel. 

It was honestly by chance that I happened to look up when I’d gotten the towel wrapped round me, only to see that I was in line with the mirror. 

So I stood there, bare feet pressed against the chilly laminate tiles beneath me, and tried to keep my breaths even. Match the heartbeat I heard in my left ear. The fine cut of silver that hung above the sink stared back at me mercilessly, and although now it was slightly fogged, I couldn’t find it in myself to tear my eyes away. The girl who stood within its four harsh lines was the same person I’d always been, only this girl, she was also the person I’d been running from. Trying to escape. For so, very long.

I watched when the smudgey girl walked closer to me, then observed the way she held up a frail hand to wipe at the chilly glass. The sound it made echoed within the room but it cleared the steam. 

Looking, I saw that her hair was long -unruly, really- longer than it had been in years. The ends of it they crept their way across the line of her shoulders and like ivy they intertwined, framing her features and darkening the colour that normally resided in irises so bright and alive. Those eyes were somewhat sunken this morning, hazy, hidden beneath heavy lids and black lashes that were long. The skin beneath them dark, only emphasising the vivid scarlet that rimmed her waterline and shot across the whites of her eyes like lightning.

Her cheeks were hollow which only made her look all the more gaunt. Haunted almost. And were exaggerated by the gloomy shadow of sodden hair that had fallen into her face. I blinked, watching the way she licked lightly at her muted pink lips. They were dry, bitten and frayed from hours of relentless anxiety, but parted ever so slightly that her hot breath was able to fog the mirrored glass a tad. 

The face she wore was young, unlined by worry, supple yet sharp. But had also been kissed by the cruel blades of glass and falling debris, spoiled by fading bruises that crept across the skin of her jaw and temples. Those bruises trickled though, inch by inch down her body, over her shiny collarbones and beneath the towel she’d swaddled herself in.

Some, a mere few, had described her face as beautiful, effortlessly pretty, but if she was being honest, deep down she knew that it was just a mask. A disguise used to conceal everything she herself didn’t want to see, didn’t want to seep out and taint what little good remained of her.

I gazed at the sad reflection, and it gazed back at me. I had to bite back and swallow down the fear that crawled its way up my throat- because yes, she was pretty, but she was also ruined, monstrous, and marred. The accident only further proved that point and I had to stand there and just stare, picking myself up piece by piece. 

And believe it or not, it wasn’t for the first time. I found myself wondering over how many pieces I'd lost, missing or scattered, like that of an overused puzzle. 

—ROSS’S POV—

“Fucking stupid.” Ross mumbled hotly under his breath, wondering why he’d ever even agreed to helping out in the first place.

“Oh just piss off, Ross.”

He turned his head and sent a bored glare in the direction the voice had come from. Matty was on the other side of the room from him, playing with blankets and pillows, and just being an overall twat really.

“You piss off. How the fuck have you had me standing here for the last fifteen minutes? My arms are aching, mate.”

Matty merely rolled his eyes and Hann, who was a way away, holding up the other end which belonged to one of the endless supplies that Matty had coerced him into bringing over, sighed too. For a minute there Ross actually thought he was going to have some back up, but knew he was wrong the second Adam opened his fat mouth.

“Toughen up and hold it higher, would you?”

“Yeah, what Hann said!” Matty snarked, looking back at them from inside the fortress he’d started to build. “Besides, you’re a fucking tree, Ross, this should feel like light work to you.” 

Ross’s eyes only narrowed further and he had to clench his jaw to keep from actually decking Hann and Matty both when the pair of them only continued to hassle him over his placement of the string. He just hoped that Y/n showered quickly.

—

Even though it’d been a fucking task, one which left me feeling drained and scrubbed raw. It also did feel really good to be clean again. No more blood or sweat.

I’d long since shut the shower off and had to call out to Lee to ask for the clothes I’d accidentally left on the foot of my bed in my haste to get this whole thing over with, as well as my reluctancy to even go through with it. My head had been a mess, in shorter terms, so it was just a surprise that the clothes had been the only thing I’d forgotten.

Although, instead of the neat pile I’d made, Lee had slipped a baggy through the cracked opening I'd made in the door whilst cowering behind it, wrapped up securely in my towel. I’d frowned and told him he must’ve misheard me, but the nurse only shook the bag and told me, with a small chuckle, that he definitely hadn’t misunderstood. So I’d taken it and had been so pleasantly surprised by the sight that had greeted me upon opening it up.

My dressing gown! The one I lived when I was home, the same one I’d been gifted a few years ago by my nana. It was the perfect ratio of fluffy to towel, and left you feeling as though you were wandering around a spa. I almost squealed as I draped it over my shoulders, revelling in the immense comfort it brought me even with the struggle to get my casted arm through the sleeve.

I didn’t sneak another glance in the mirror though, mostly due to the fact that I couldn’t face it, but also because already knew that I was sporting a smile. It was a very thoughtful gift and I wondered over who had the foresight to bring it to the hospital for me. 

Nevertheless, I upturned the rest of the bag I’d been handed and found that the gown hadn’t been my only gift. A pair of newly brought slippers rested at the bottom, alongside a silk hair-tie and a pair of… lacy knickers. 

I snorted out loud at the sight of them, instantly clueing onto the suspect at hand. Only Healy would push his luck like this. But I still slipped into them, as well as the slippers that felt like an honest to god dream. Then took the time to try and tuck the damp strands of my hair into a loose ponytail with the tie I’d been gifted, but it was a shoddy attempt due to me being only one handed and unable to tug my arms up any higher than my waist. And that was with me really trying, too. 

I sighed huffily to myself and gave up after the third attempt, but didn’t let it dampen the warmth that had shrouded me since I’d received the goodie bag. Though, I did find myself having to take a couple more breaths before I actually unlocked the door and pulled it open.

I didn’t know what I’d expected waiting on the other side of it. Perhaps Lee lounging on one of the many chairs that scattered the room, or Matty and Ross pissing about after having returned from the canteen. But this.. this surely wasn’t it.

“Surprise!” The four boys shouted at me. Ross wearing a fancy tiara and grinning like a clown from where he’d made himself comfortable on the end of my bed. Hann holding a tray of cupcakes topped with chocolate and fondant whilst giving me a lopsided smile, one that sort of gave away his helpless shrug and said, ‘Sorry if you hate this but here you go’. Lee was there too, chuckling away at the picture my face must’ve made, recording it all on someones phone. And then there was Matty, who was beaming brightly just by the bathroom door with his hands hidden behind his back, rocking in place.

My mouth was wide open and swinging in complete truth, this was all so incredible. From the buffet of snacks that had been smuggled in, as well as the banners and streamers that were hung up on the walls, to the balloons which littered the corners of the room and made the entrance to the pillow fortress that had been made even grander.

My eyes, watering and bright, darted between the four as I struggled to find the right words to say, or any words at all.

“Wow.” Was what I settled on and chuckled along with the rest of them even when Matty pulled me into a hug. “Did you plan all this?” I whispered out loud, wet gaze still jumping around what had once been my dreary hospital room.

Matty’s grin when he pulled away from me was only that much brighter and he nodded at me rapidly before he asked, “You like it then?”

“Like it?” I breathed out in awe, “I fucking love it.”

I turned to the rest of them on shaky feet, “Thank you. All of you. I- I don’t know what to say to be honest.”

“How about dig in?” Ross decided for me, already jumping up to cross the room. My attention followed his. “I picked up a Chinese a while ago and it’s been sat in that bag just waiting for me.”

I cracked an airy chuckle and rolled my eyes at him before gesturing to go ahead. “By all means, mate. Hate for you to go hungry on my account.”

Matty snorted from beside me and I glanced over when he leant in closer and whispered, “Watched him eat three cookies and eight of them mini sausage rolls before I had to have Hann take over unpacking everything for him.”

“Sounds about right.” I hummed, taking a cupcake from Adam when he approached whilst Matty darted his way over to take the phone from Lee. I could only assume that they'd started watching it when the two of them begun chuckling and smiling down at the thing. “Thanks again, for the cupcake and the party.” I smiled towards Adam and took a small bite out of the side of the frosted treat, “So, who’s bright idea was all this then?”

Hann quirked a brow in retort that told me more than his smirk ever did. “Do you even need to ask?” He jerked his chin back over towards the curly haired prat in the corner. “Texted me late last night, wanting to cheer you up.”

Ah.

I nodded at Hann slowly. Last night had been a tough one. I’d felt grim. The pain wouldn’t subside so I couldn't sleep. And I was non-stop crying. Just fraying at the edges, waiting to come undone.

Matty had been there though, alongside the doctors and Lee. I hated the thought of them seeing me like that, so weak and fragile. Even a bit embarrassed about the whole charade now I was stood with Hann. I tried to ignore it.

“Carls should be by too,” Adam mentioned to me, “Wanted to stop in after work.”

I grinned, I loved the party they'd thrown but seeing Carly right now would probably top seeing Bowie play live. Well, maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration. But I’d only seen her in brief passing this week, when I’d been hazing in and out of sleep due to the medication I’d been on. But I did know that she’d stopped by an awful lot though, I’d woken up to see flowers on the sill, and my favourite chocolates on the side. Her lovely perfume always seemed to linger too. 

The late morning quickly bled into afternoon and I found myself forgetting about pain and hurt and lies. Just bathing in the warmth I felt surrounding me. Lee had gone back to making his rounds but said he’d be stopping in again before he finished. Leaving me with two adult children and an annoyingly loved up couple when Carly finally arrived. I made the most of it though, because I loved them. And I could see the amount of love they had for me in return during the time we spent playing board games and talking and gossiping about ours lives and just laughing.

It all felt so surreal.

It was actually long past visiting hours when the nurse on-duty finally had to kick Ross, Hann and Carly out- but they’d only been able to stay as long as they had because no one else on the ward had had any complaints about them, seeing as we’d passed around the shit ton of food Matty had gone and ordered.

I couldn’t stop myself from smiling away though even as the door shut behind the three. I was sad to see them go but still so energised by the good time we’d had.

“Oi.”

My head turned towards where Matty’s voice had come from and frowned when he was nowhere to be seen. 

“Matty? Where the fuck are you?” I asked around an amused snort. I really shouldn’t have been all that surprised when he stuck his head out of the fort he'd made with spare sheets and filled with pillows, but somehow I was.

“You coming or what?” He beckoned me.

I stared a him for a very long second before an airy laugh escaped me, the only sort that didn’t seem to hurt all that much these days. And without another word said, I stood and made my way over to join him, smiling in appreciation when he gave me his hand so that I could lower myself down onto the floor.

“Your castle awaits you and all that crap.” Matty whispered to me with a goofy grin and helped settle me into a comfortable position, one where a mountain of pillows was able to cocoon my body.

Once I was okay and ignoring the twitch in my back, I could finally glance about the place. I hadn’t had the chance to look it over before with all the excitement that'd been going on, but it really was incredible. Somehow Matty had managed to wrangle up an impressive number of sheets which stretched from one side of my bed over to two chairs he’d found, he’d strung up a few strings of battery operated fairy lights that trailed from one end to another, and had my laptop already opened up to Netflix.

The smile I broke into stretched my skin when Matty pressed play and the intro to one of my all-time favourite films begun to play. It then grew impossibly wider when he pulled a bowl of popcorn out of nowhere and nestle it between us.

I had to reel it in a tad, I knew that, but it was hard. I didn't think many people had gone so above and beyond for me before. I felt truly loved.

“This better be salted, Healy.” I told him with a mock stern expression, cautiously taking a piece from the bowl.

Matty rolled his eyes at me, “Yes, alright, Drama queen. Don’t have a conniption on me.”

My mouth quirked on its own accord. “Be the best place for it, but I’d hate to go and ruin your plans.”

With an exasperated shake of his head and a hidden smile that wasn’t quite so hard to see, Matty stole a handful and popped some into his gob. “It’s salted, princess. Promise.”

I narrowed my eyes at him, “For your sake you’d better not be lying.”

He laughed happily. “What’ve you got against sweet? Or buttered, or God forbid-”

I shot a hand out to clasp it over his mouth. “If you dare say toffee, I swear.”

“Toffee.” Matty finished, having licked my palm to free himself from my hold. I grimaced at both the foul gesture and the flavour.

“It’s the worst kind!”

“As opposed to stuffing your face with salt? It just dries your mouth out.”

I levelled him with a serious look, “Says the man inhaling it.”

Matty shrugged at me, eyes locked back on the screen. “’S good.”

He hushed me before I could contradict him and so I simply settled on a well deserved huff, relaxing further into the cushions whilst the films soundtrack played and Matty stole another handful of popcorn from the bowl.

—

My brow pinched when I stirred awake and my entire body ached with it. I hissed quietly to myself as I peered through squinted eyes to try and get a grasp back on reality.

It seemed like Matty and I had fallen asleep in the fort whilst watching old film classics late last night and if the sun, which skittered through the opening of sheets surrounding us, was to be believed it was now early morning. 

I rubbed at my tired eyes then practically jumped out of my skin when Ross’s giant head popped into view at the entrance, scaring the shit out of me. I put a hand to my heart as an inaudible gasp bypassed my lips and had to narrow my eyes at him when he merely laughed in retort.

“Knob.” I cursed him, sniffing before I caught sight of a still-sleeping Matty sprawled out beside me, mouth wide open and catching flies, his head nestled into my side.

“You love me really.” Ross replied rightly as his gaze skirted between us. His happy expression dimmed by a couple dozen bulbs and was rapidly replaced by a solemn sort of smile, “Er, you fancy coming out to join me? And maybe not waking him up whilst you’re at it.”

At the confused face I pulled, Ross just gave me an imploring sort of look with his eyes that I couldn’t outright ignore, and so when I carefully nodded in agreement he stuck out a hand. Slowly but surely he pulled me from the makeshift tent and with a pained wince I thanked him.

“Don’t thank me just yet.” He replied and the furrow between my brows only deepened at his words.

“Ross, what-” 

But my sentence was immediately cut short when my eyes met the shrivelled figure who was stood by the door, their face a priceless picture, appearing as though they were about to make a dive for the window instead of the actual door. Desperation and guilt swarming every fibre of their being.

“George?”

Part sixteen>

#the 1975 #george daniel #george daniel the 1975 #george daniel fic #george 1975 #george daniel x reader #matty #matty healy #george daniel x you #1975 #best friend matty #the 1975 band #fic #adam hann #ross macdonald #carly holt #1975 band #matty 1975 #series #work #exes to lovers #y/n #reader #multi part fic #x you #x reader #angst #laugh #fluff #humour

[salmonthaart]

hihi uhhm. sorry if this comes off as creepy but i scoured both your blogs for info on pop and lock but unless i suck at looking for stuff i didtnt find much. you should totes tell me more about them

that's not creepy at all don't worry!!! i've never really posted any oc lore publicly because i'm not sure if people care, and boy do i apologize you having to look through my sideblog because Wow Is There Nothing Important On It, but i'm BEYOND elated to answer any questions about them!!! literally thank you so much for asking, you made my day 😭

i have a looooot of stuff about them written down on places like google docs, a discord server i infodump in, and also In My Head so there's a HUGE amount of previously untapped info about them just around, but i'll stick to their main things for now :)

(i also have a toyhouse, but i never finished setting it up, so i'll also probably post more oc stuff on that when it's done)

pINK Lemonade Official Lore Post™ under the cut!

_________________________________________________________

POP:

Pop is an Octoling based on the Flapjack octopus. They are genderfluid, and thanks to the benefits of the cephalopod form, change their physical appearance regularly just for the hell of it. They vary between masc-leaning and femme-leaning, but usually look some flavor of GNC. (Their physical build remains the same, think of it like how the player characters in Splatoon change their gender and hairstyle. Pop just does that whenever they feel like it.)

They are fruitily charming, outgoing, unserious to a fault, and smug. Pop is a lot more sociable than Lock, often chatting people up or making friends at unexpected times. They are well aware of their charm, but make an effort to be the more likable of the two. They like to introduce themselves first, leading to many close relationships with a lot of people that otherwise would never have talked to them. However, when they dislike someone, they make it VERY known. They are unable to hide their distaste towards anyone they regard as too annoying. They can get aloof at times, but are generally a very peppy and easy-going person.

_________________________________________________________

LOCK:

Lock is an Inkling based on the Whiplash squid. He is the composer and instrumentalist of the duo, and is very talented on the keyboard.

He likes to put on an off-puttingly brooding, "cool guy" persona, but when you get to know him, it becomes clear he is often neurotic and overly sensitive. He can be very visibly depressed, though he tries to play off his inability to take care of himself as part of his uncaring attitude. He pushes people away instinctively, but gets very attached to the people who love him despite this. Unfortunately, he doesn't know how to healthily express his emotions and can get rather sulky and mean, leading his closest personal relationships to be... rather strained at times.

He also has a toxic and ultimately doomed relationship with Tide of Suit-Nami that both Shlubby and I have agreed is very fun to watch as it slowly burns. Sorry Lock, you're fated to lose the best boyfriend you'll ever have :')

_________________________________________________________

There's a lot more to both of their backstories, but for the sake of keeping things simple, here's a condensed version.

Lock was a trust fund baby pushed into idol culture that got shunted off to boarding school once he was deemed more trouble than he was worth by his parents. In a petulant attempt to be acknowledged by them, he regularly commits petty crimes and acts of vandalism, but is bailed out from afar every time to avoid his family name getting bad press. It's a real sore spot for him.

Pop had loving parents who encouraged them to explore their love for music, but after they got older and started posting their music to HueTube, they got relentlessly mocked for being cringe and were devastated. They went to boarding school in an attempt to escape their reputation and worked past their trauma by pouring it into their work and reclaiming their identity.

Pop and Lock were placed together as part of an idol internship program during their last year of school. Pop felt bad for Lock, and specifically requested him as means of lending a hand. Lock had previously avoided them for quite some time, but once they were forced to pair up he realized he had found his first genuine friend.

_________________________________________________________

and, special one-time deal, two extra characters! i literally have never posted (or. ahem. finished) any art of these two, but they fill out the gang behind the scenes and they occupy my brainspace just as much as pop and lock do :)

_________________________________________________________

MONA:

Mona is a halfmoon betta fish and handler-turned-posse-member of the group. She's an underpaid and overworked employee of the idol agency Pop and Lock are employed at, and was assigned to pINK Lemonade to keep them in check after they were involved in one too many incidents (read: PR nightmares)

She has a bit of a temper, as most bettas do, but over time has formed a real relationship with Pop and Lock and does not blow up at them as much as she does others. Their friendship has also helped her loosen up and not let her job consume her soul.

_________________________________________________________

CILAN:

Cilan is a calm, easygoing, tall inkling and the oldest of the four. He has long purple hair and seemingly permanently closed eyes. He's the group's resident eye-candy and secretary/flunky. There isn't a whole lot to his personality that I can say right now. He's just hot... sue me...

_________________________________________________________

Thank you so much for asking about my ocs!!

#ocs #splatoon ocs #oc lore #pop #lock #pink lemonade #tide #crash #splatoon #mona #cilan

[thefirstknife]

Seeing some of the latest whining over on Twitter, I think I've realized part of the problem: the content creators who have made playing D2 their life think it's "too easy" and that "toxic casuals are ruining things" because they refuse to admit they're simply too skilled to find a huge challenge anymore. But instead of rebranding to something else and moving on to learn a new game where they'll face challenge and struggle they continue to insist that the game is bad foe catering to "the lowest common denominator". Some of them also seem kind of entitled? Lime the idea that any no-name players (aka people who aren't Big Names in the fandom) could possibly do amazing snd outplay them feels like they're being cheated out of what they're "owed" as their Top Player Bragging Rights? But not everybody who puts in the work to get good at the game engages with the fandom, either. It just feels a lot like some of them think "I put in the work to master it, so nobody else should be allowed to match me and also it needs to keep up with me because I made this game my life". Feels very weird and entitled to me. And I say this as a person who has played some games so much that the highest difficulty settings are a breeze! I just accept that I've mastered it and move on when I want challenge.

Oh yeah, the new elitist dickhead whining is live in the community and it's the same thing as always. Agreed with what you wrote! I think streamers just literally want things to only be "difficult" for them and impossible for everyone else so they can feel special. They can deny it all day long, but there is no logical reason to want FEWER people to play an exciting competition and for FEWER people to feel like they can complete it. Because if people feel like they can't, they won't bother. Why would I waste my time? I'm not getting paid to play the game.

Day 1 raid race is a community contest, meant for the community, aka all players. It's not "special contest for top players only," it's a contest for everyone. It's supposed to be something everyone tries out and does their best, as well as something that is reasonably achievable for more than a grand total of 12 players.

Over the years, Bungie has been hard at work turning raids into an activity that more people will want to play and finish. Including adjusting the way day 1 race is happening and when. They WANT more people to participate which is evident through lowering the amount of grind needed to be ready and moving the race to the weekend, and now extending it to 48 hours. This helps everyone; the community and the devs.

More below:

The moment the day 1 raid race is accessible, that means more people will attempt it and more people will realise that they ARE good enough to raid and complete the contest mode. When the raid race is locked to a power level grind that nobody outside of people playing the video game for a living can achieve, that drastically reduces the number of people who will enter the race. When the raid race is releasing in the middle of the week, nobody outside of streamers will be able to compete. Now, day 1 raid race is no longer limiting in ways that we, the players, can't control.

This means more people can attempt it and at that point, we're dealing with pure numbers. More people attempting means that more people will finish. So when streamers are whining about "numbers," they're whining about the simple hard cold unchangeable logic of math. More people than ever are playing, more people than ever are attempting, more people than ever were able to watch the whole race and figure that they have a chance, and then they had plenty of time to try. This resulted in more completions than ever. Very little to do with the raid being "easy." It wasn't. It was accessible.

There are probably incredibly good players out there who couldn't participate before because they didn't have time or weren't available off work or couldn't ruin their mental and physical health over a 24 hour video game contest. There are probably perfectly average players who can still complete the raid race if they have more time to practice.

And this bothers content creators, because it's telling them that they're not special. Some Joe Shmoe with a 6 year old PC and $5 headset might be incredibly good at Destiny, possibly even better than them, but he didn't have time to compete before. Now he does, because Bungie removed the limit that a player can't control and the content creators are fucking mad as hell because Joe Shmoe, 47, a dad of 3, can finish the contest mode.

They keep insisting this is not the reason they are mad; they're mad because.... uh.... Contest mode is supposed to be SUPER HARD and it's an EXCLUSIVE EVENT that happens TWICE A YEAR!!!! And like. Yeah? Joe Shmoe has the same feeling about it. Joe Shmoe also gets two days a year to participate in a community event. Again, content creators are slowly learning that they're not special and it's a hard hitting truth. Also if more people are playing the raid race, then they're not watching them. That's gotta hurt as well. It's at least 5 fewer subs.

I am so fucking done with their bullshit and their repeated attempts to demean everyone's accomplishments by yelling about the raid being easy and bad and whatever. They are sad people with a void in their hearts.

The raid was absolutely hard. More people than EVER attempted it and MANY haven't been able to complete it. The raid wasn't "easy" in the sense they mean it (they mean easy = bad), it was different. It required different skills and it had a different goal and a different fantasy to invoke in players. Every single one of those bitches used every known cheese and meta tactic to brute force every damage phase and every mechanic, to the point of many of them not figuring out an entire mechanic in the final encounter. They straight up did not understand a mechanic and then dare to say that it was easy. But yeah. They were grasping at every broken build possible and then whining about it being easy. Well I did it with 30 resilience. I am better.

They are absolutely entitled. They feel like they are owed everything in this game because they've been here since 2014 and that if the game is not catering to them, then it's objectively bad. Literally, as you said, they've mastered the game and they're bored of it. But hey, there's money in clickbait about negative stuff so they will keep being miserable playing something they obviously don't like anymore.

I'm so done with those assholes. The raid was an absolute BLAST for me. It was super fun, it was really difficult and it took a long time to get it done, but my team did it, even through a horrible bug that cheated us out of a clear 10 hours early. The raid is SUPER fun, it's an excellent new addition to the raid roster, super helpful for newer players and newer raiders. The mechanics are really smooth and simple, they don't require a lot of callouts, but still rely a LOT on coordination of the whole team. Incredible work threading the line between an incredibly fun raid that is also accessible to everybody. I'll be doing it a lot, it's a really chill experience that still gets your adrenaline going. Bungie did an amazing work with it and I absolutely love it.

I cannot FATHOM a mindset that people have where they want people to NOT be able to experience raids. The most bizarre thing in the world to me. Raids are PEAK content in the game that devs spend a lot of time making and that is currently not being played as much as they want, which is actually a problem resource wise. Since they take so much resources to create, but aren't being used, it's a shame.

This raid was absolutely made with that in mind. They want more people to play to raids. This raid is "easy" in the sense that it is accessible. And there's nothing those assholes hate more than accessibility, I guess. God forbid people who paid for the expansion get to play the expansion. That includes the day 1 contest mode race absolutely. It's for the whole community, not for 50 people with a twitch.tv account.

Every content creator whining about this is a bitch who does not care about the health of the game or the community. They want a game made for them, and only them. They think they own it and that it's good when only 3% of the players play raids. They want every regular player to suffer and leave, to not have fun and to not experience these amazing activities.

They want the game to die.

#destiny 2 #long post #ask #day 1 raid drama #i am so sick and tired of them. all of them. #at the end of the day: I bought the game and I want to play and complete every aspect of it #destiny is not a hardcore gaming experience #literally LEAVE and go play something else #idk what to tell you #at this point i have zero tolerance for their crap #'as a casual player you have strikes! day 1 is for me!' no. every player in the world can practice and get good enough for day 1 #every single one. you guys are just not letting anyone even make an attempt #the very definition of gatekeeping

[asshlyyyy]

Pumpkin Carving (Elvis Headcanons)

I wanted to get headcanons up between every fic this month. The same will be for the next two months as well. We are in holiday season my pals. I have four other headcanons planned, and yes these will all sadly be headcanons... I might have one fic planned that fits in the halloween theme.

Are we liking these? Are we not? Well, too bad. Because this is how its going to be. I also haven’t started on any fics so... That is great as well. I swear I am an amazing writer at keeping stuff posted for you guys... he... he... hehe...

Masterlist

Pairing: Austin!Elivs / Elvis x Gn!Reader

Warnings: Swearing, Spelling and Grammatical Errors

“Why do we need pumpkins again?”

“So that we can carve them,” you smiled and looked over at Elvis, who was currently driving the car.

“And what do we do with said carved pumpkins?”

“You put them outside, silly. It’s for decoration. You can even put candles in them to make them spookier.” You explained.

“Wouldn’ they just rot?”

“After a while yes, but they will last al of Halloween.” You replied.

"Okay, my darlin’, whateva ya want.” He hummed.

The two of you arrived at the pumpkin patch shortly afterwards.

You wanted the biggest of the biggest you could find.

Elvis wanted you to get one that you could carry. Of course, you argued with him and eventually you won.

So, you found the two biggest pumpkins and Elvis carried them for you.

He found it weird that pumpkin patches existed because… you went there for pumpkins and that’s about it.

He called it a waste of gas, but of course… he would do anything for his significant other.

You were his one and only

The love of his life

The one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with

“How do we even carve these?”

“Well, you cut off the top, and then you pull out all the guts. You want it to be completely clean. No seeds, no guts, no coconuts.”

“What?” Elvis looked over at you confused. You laughed gently and shook your head.

“No butts, no coconuts. You haven’t heard that?” You questioned as you went to grab some trash bags.

“No? Should I have?”

“No, you just had lame parents.” You stocked your tongue out at him.

“My mama raised me good, what do ya mean?”

“I know, but it’s just something my mama said. When I would say butttttt,” you smiled softly at the memory. “She would response, not butts no coconuts.”

“That’s cute,” Elvis smiled and walked over to you.

“That she was,”

“I was talkin’ bout ya darlin’,” He wrapped his arms around you. You giggled lightly and shook your head.

“Help me put the garbage bags on the table. DOn’t wanna make a mess.” You said and pulled away.

With Elvis’s help you were able to cover the table with garbage bags.

After pulling out the knifes and a tray for the seeds to cook later, you were ready.

“Elvis… please don’t cut off a finger.”

“I feel like I should be saying that to you. You’re more clumsier then me.” You gasped at his words.

“How rude.”

You too then started to get to gutting.

Elvis was a huge baby.

He was gagging the whole time, which made you gag in return.

But, eventually the two of you finished gutting the pumpkins, and you had a great amount of seeds to bake later.

Not to mention, you could make pumpkin pie as well.

You loved making your pumpkin pie. Not to mention, everyone also loved it. Especially Elvis.

“So now what?” Elvis asked.

“You make a design… like a face, an animal, or even a word.” You explained as you tried to figure out what to do.

“So I could do anything…?”

“Yes.”

So, time came where you two spent some time on your carving.

Elvis was done before you… of course.

You figured it was because he did something simple.

“Okay… I am…. Done!” You announced as you finished.

“Took you long enough.” Elvis chuckled. “What’d ya make?”

“Let me turn it around,” You said as you moved around the knife. You turned the pumpkin around so that Elvis could see your designed.

“Aw, that’s so cute, darlin’.” You blushed lightly and shrugged liked it was nothing.

“Nothing special.”

“Yes it is. How did you even do that? I mean… A heart with our initials in side… I love it.” He smiled and reached over for your hand.

He took it in yours and laid a kiss on it.

“Let me see yours now,” You giggled. Elvis shook his head and went ahead and turned his around.

“… Are you kidding me?”

“What?” He chuckled like it was nothing.

“You swore! We can’t put this out. Kids will see it!”

“The only ones who will see it is us and family and friends. It’ll be fine.”

“I can’t believe you swore.” You shook your head and stood up.

“Ya dragged me into this.” Elvis pointed out.

“I wanted this to be cutteeee, not… you swearing.”

Elvis got up and went over to you. He wrapped hair arms around you and pressed soft kisses against your check.

“Elvisssss,” you giggled.

“‘m sorry, dalrin’.”

“It’s okay, Elvis. I forgive you. Could always do more.” Elvis groaned and pressed his face against your shoulder. You giggled and lifted up his face and kissed him deeply.

“I love you,” you whispered and pressed again other kiss against his lips.

“I love you too.”

Want to join my taglist? // Let me know If I spelt any wrong! I have updated my form for my taglist. You will be tagged under everything now in that selected fandom/person. Just makes my life easier.

Taglist: @mirandastuckinthe80s, @mommy-maia, @yagirlalexx, @slutforblueeyes, @alligator-person, @diorxmimi, @anangelwhodidntfall, @pumkiinpasties, @djconde58, @starryhazee, @21bruhs, @girlblogger2002, @dollfaceyourfear, @smbonilla2002, @homebodybirkin2003, @apparently-sunshine, @dark-as-love, @pandora-journey, @hsstylesrings, @jeonggukschris, @4everrmore, @bewitched-tales, @thelaziest10, @butlersluvbot, @curatedbyemily, @lovingly-unlovingme, @starlight-jpg, @omegellenlouise, @gyomei-tiddies, @Chlobug07, @wandawiccan60, @re3kin, @Itzjira18, @passengerjett, @neepo, @vane28282, @emilykolchivans, @gothantoinette, @gruffle1, @ilovemuppets, @hangmanswhore, @theinvibislecapricorn, @hariestyles1, @annamarie16, @holliemahady, @misacc08, @Brighteyesscum, @marchingicenotes7, @callthedarknessdown, @domaniquessidehoe, @gay-af-satan, @skinnypantsmcgee, @sassyblazecloud, @lovelyney, @lordandmistress, @Sharkslayersblog, @billysway, @nuo0n, @coldonexx, @adoreyouusugar, @aliciaelle47, @kh1898, @danitheedanimal, @raefoxiegirl, @cobra-kaii, @rylee-durhxm, @bob-the-tomato, @crabat-the-queen, @naveyelise, @austinbutlersgirlfriend, @iluvnerds69, @hopefulinlove, @aradevil, @Tylerdurdenisme, @laperceval, @xcallmetaniax, @londonalozzy, @mslizziesblog, @rosemochaaesthetic-blog, @bxbylexi23, @gloomynigvts, @persephones-blood-iris, @milaa24, @randompointlessbeauty, @auds02, @BubblyYork, @nora-nexus-34, @jazmin2211, @kittenlittle24, @Rqseycheeks, @moonbird1507, @bobthefishiesworld, @cevans-winchester, @luckyevansstan, @noorreads, @idc123sworld, @normatural, @hauntedarchivesx, @Luna4mnoon, @imagineslut01, @Kayleealicej, @thatcrazyfangirl22, @amiets2, @loveisalover, @myguiltypleasures21, @poppet05, @xcallmetaniax, @fullmetal-falcon, @kaitaesupremacy, @rainydayz101, @asd-n-adhd-fox, @loveisalover, @eliseinmemphis​, @adaydreamaway08​

#austin butler elvis #elvis x reader #elvis imagine #elvis #elvis 2022 #elvis film #elvis fic #elvis fanfiction #elvis fluff #elvis fanfic #elvis headcanon #austin!elvis headcanon #austin butler #austin butler x reader #austin!elvis x reader #austin!elvis #austin elvis headcanons

[coldresolve]

A huge part of the whump being torture apologia discussion comes from the fact that people exoticize torture. It's foreign. It's something you see in spy movies and read about in thrillers. It's a pain that most people can safely distance themselves from in order to experience emotional catharsis or simple enjoyment. The thing is, some people don't get to have that distance.

It's hard for me to describe the sheer grief that comes with it all. I know a man who was tortured in prison. People who faced abuse from family so severe that it amounted to torture. Someone whose torture was to watch their friends be deliberately hurt. I wish whump writers could learn to have compassion for these people as well, even if their lived experiences are not exceptionally common or openly spoken about.

If an author portrays domestic abuse in their writing, it's generally considered necessary and responsible for them to either write the abuse in a realistic way or to state outside their writing that their portrayal of this very real issue is unrealistic. This respects people's lived experiences with abuse and prevents creating a culture of normalizing and glorifying abusive behavior.

It's most definitely not too much to ask of whump writers to uphold those same standards when writing about torture.

you have no idea how nice it is to get someone well spoken and well thought out in my inbox every once in a while. uh im on like hr 30 of being awake and kinda struggling piecing my thoughts together right now, so forgive me if i dont make a lot of sense, but i wanna say sth

the tone of your ask for some reason really hit a nerve for me. like getting slapped in the face, kind of. i think its the fact you come across really compassionate and just. calm, thoughtful in this. kinda puts my approach into perspective lol

i think im just angry about this topic. like ive got a passion for wanting to get it right, but its driven by anger and frustration. having ppl nitpick the fuck out of everything i say instead of actually having the sorts of conversations that should be had about the topic. i know me being angry edgy tantrum controversial oh whats he gonna say now guy and all that, turns people away from listening to me but i dont know how else to approach it sometimes, i don't want to make excuses for people who i feel should know better. i dont have that kind of patience i guess, at least not right now

i think that anger is like a manifestation, symptom. im angry about the people this happens to, and how catastrophic it is. angry at the people who let it happen. the systems that are built around it. people don't see how systemic torture can be. im angry that the fucking war on terror media frenzy was so effective, because your average person still fucking believes in all the bullshit. or the idea of torture survivors being "broken" like its a personal failure, like its the result of their own shortcomings when they're some of the strongest people you can meet. just all these unfair ideas about it that are everywhere. and people still somehow find it necessary to keep spreading those ideas, even if they know theyre wrong. when it doesnt add anything of value, youre not saying anything about it, youre not actually adding something to the conversation by going along with the bullshit, youre literally just entertaining yourself

i dont know how to not be angry about it, i think. thats the growth goal for me i guess, cause i know this isnt the sorta thing thats gonna fix itself tomorrow. and i dunno your ask just made me think about that, like how i handle this on a personal level. and i think itd be healthy for me to step away from the discussion for a couple days at least and just. accept that i tried to reach people this round, maybe it didnt really work, thats fine, ill try again some other time. also i am writing all this very slowly cause my skull is kinda collapsing in on itself so to speak and maybe that has something to do with me being sorta hopelessly frustrated lmfao. apologies

#asks

[wito-chan-bla-bla]

oohh so can i request a part 2 for my dear strongest

when gojo is secretly a yandere too

“First part”

Warnings: yandere!reader, yandere!gojo, mention of blood and murders and other all sorts of interesting topics related to yandere

~

Satoru Gojo. He seemed so innocent and sweet, a cheerful fool who managed to get a huge amount of power.

But in fact, he was much more dangerous than anyone could imagine. Under his cheerful mask, an obsessive maniac was hiding.

Gojo was possessed by a sorcerer, but tried to hide it. Still, kidnapping doesn't help to set up a trusting relationship, does it? Therefore, Satoru began to act cautiously, communicating with his colleague, inviting her for small walks to the bakery or offering to join him on missions.

To Gojo's happiness and contentment, the girl he was obsessed with was happy to respond to his little flirtation and invitations to dinner together. Her eyes shone with something pure, but at the same time spoiled. Satoru couldn't figure out what was wrong with her for a long time.

No, he certainly thought that (Y/N) was the most beautiful person on Earth! But... she was obviously hiding something. Gojo saw that it is not as simple as it seems. And he wanted to find out her secret. Maybe he can use the unknown secret to keep the sorceress around him forever, if she doesn't want to do it herself?

It was easy for Satoru to get into someone else's house, because he was not even protected by ordinary "human" alarms. The strongest sorcerer looked around. The apartment where the most beautiful girl lived for him looked completely ordinary.

Gojo looked into the room, which turned out to be a bedroom. His heart leapt into his throat. There was a picture of him and (Y/N) hugging on the table! The sorcerer almost burst into tears with happiness. She still kept it... Satoru happily whistled, putting his hands in his pockets and continuing to walk around the rooms.

Suddenly he found a locked door. It wasn't difficult to find the keys, because they were hanging near the front door. Opening the lock, Gojo looked inside.

What he saw startled him.

The sorcerer felt as if he was in his own storeroom from another universe. There were pictures of him everywhere, a few hand-made plush toys. Scraps of clothing that had been damaged during his missions. (The fabric was gray, because many years had passed since someone could touch it). Packages from the sweets he ate and even his favorite sunglasses, which he thought he had lost during a mission abroad.

Satoru couldn't hide a smile of delight. His gaze was slightly distorted, everything swam around. Gojo felt that it was hard for him to breathe from the feelings that had come over him.

It was so nice to realize that he was loved in return... even if with the same crazy love.

Satoru hurried away, as he saw that the girl living in this apartment was not far away.

From that moment, the sorcerer realized that he didn't have to worry. His love will not go away from him! Gojo also began to realize with surprise that he had never noticed before how he was being watched, how his house was being broken into to steal another small object. (Y/N) did it all so cleverly that Satoru would not have guessed if he had not seen that pantry with his own eyes.

In appearance, the girl of his dreams was the most ordinary person. But now Gojo knew that she was as obsessed as he was. And this attention flattered him so much.

When the elders of the Gojo clan said that their head should get married, Satoru wanted to refuse and send them on a long obscene journey. But suddenly he had an idea in his head, and he agreed.

He considered (Y/N) to be the best, and therefore he was sure that the girl would be able to defeat his newly-made bride in everything. Unfortunately, (Y/S) seems to have seen everything in Nena that was supposedly not in her, and Gojo realized that he screwed up.

However, Satoru did not despair. He saw that his sweet love was getting closer to his fiancee and wanted to know what would happen next.

And if nothing happens… Oh, then Gojo will just kill Nena with his own hands!

While sending his dear (Y/N) on a mission with Nena, Satoru was thinking about what he would do with his fiancee if (Y/S) did not destroy another sorcerer. Because the wedding was coming soon, and Gojo didn't want to marry anyone but his dear love.

So, Satoru fully expected that Nena would not return alive. There was something dark and evil in the depths of the beautiful eyes, and Gojo even regretted that he would not be filmed the death of a young sorceress.

That's just Satoru didn't expect his darling (Y/N) to come back with such a scared face and blood on her face! And when the sorcerer heard that it turned out to be a special rank…

Rage appeared in Gojo's eyes. How did those damn elders dare to send you on such a difficult mission? And if you had died?! Yes, even if you just got hurt, Satoru would kill everyone immediately! Fortunately, you were fine, and the strongest sorcerer calmed down a little, not immediately going to kill, but first wiping the blood from your face and examining the body for wounds.

Gojo thought that after all that mission was in some sense useful, because it led him to the fact that he was now lying on your lap and felt your hands going through his hair.

"Everything will be fine, Satoru-kun," you cooed, massaging his scalp. – I'm here, I'm with you. We'll get through this together.

You've all been talking about how he shouldn't be so upset about his dead fiancee. Gojo himself could only think about how desperately he wants you to call him "Satoru-chan". He saw that you write his name like that on photos with notes like: "He's so cute that I would have died if I hadn't taken this photo then!"

The sorcerer also called you "(Y/N)-chan" to himself. He was so eager to reveal to you that he knows that you are stalking him after work, that you are secretly taking photos of him sleeping, eating and just smiling. He wanted to tell you so much that he knows you're obsessed with him... just like he's obsessed with you.

Satoru needed your love more and more every day, with every photo of himself found in your bag, left unattended when you went to the cafe toilet. His thirst for your touch became stronger and stronger, and today, when it was a month since his fiancee died – "anniversary", if I may say so – he was going to get you for himself.

When Gojo got up, you flinched, a little surprised by his actions. Looking at his face, you tried to find at least some emotion, but it was impossible to read the sorcerer. Did I fail? Is he going to leave me now? No, I can't allow that! I am!..

You rushed forward, stretching out your arms and clutching Satoru to your chest. The man with white hair was taken aback, falling back onto the sofa. His hands held the body, and an almost two-meter man did not fall on you.

–I know it hurts you, Satoru-kun! – you whispered into his hair. – I understand that it is very difficult to lose such a close person. But you can talk to me! I will always help you, you know! I will never leave you, no matter what! I will always be with you, Satoru-kun. I will never betray you!

Your words sounded so cute, but Gojo and you knew what they really meant. "I'm the only one you can trust. I'm the only one who won't leave you, everyone else can betray you. I'm the only one you need. Don't go, don't go, don't go..."

The sorcerer was silent, and you anxiously seized his body with your feet, so that he would not leave. But suddenly his quiet but satisfied voice was heard.

–I'll feel much better if you start calling me “Satoru-chan”. Are you okay with that, (Y/N)-cha-an?

Your eyes lit up with a mad fire, and you quickly nodded. The smile of a predator that has cornered its prey involuntarily appeared on your lips.

–I don't mind it, Satoru-cha-a-an. Moreover, I will do anything for you!

Gojo lifted his face from your chest and looked into your eyes. You tried to smile innocently at him, but you couldn't hide your delight. Looking into the blue saucers, you suddenly recognized the same look that scared your friends every time a white-haired sorcerer appeared nearby.

–Anything? Then kiss me, (Y/N)-chan.

Your heart jumped and you trembled under his blue gaze. Reaching out, you gently cupped his soft cheeks, and Gojo closed his eyes, enjoying these touches. I want her hands to always touch me. The sorcerer leaned closer, and you gently kissed him for the first time, wishing that there was at least a phone with a built-in camera nearby.

You've been dreaming about this for so long. Lying in bed in a big and old sweater that you were able to steal from Satoru, you thought about how his lips would feel on yours. The smell of the sorcerer entered your nostrils with every breath, and you trembled with the feeling that it was Gojo that made you feel so warm with his embrace.

And so you kissed him right on the lips. So nice, so sweet… You almost flew to heaven.

You've kissed people before. But it is this kiss that will be the first for you. A kiss with a man for whom you are ready to kill anyone and die on your own. A kiss with a man you're crazy about. A kiss with a person for whom you will kneel down and pray as if to God.

Although Satoru is god anyway, so why "as if"?

When Gojo slowly moves away from you, the same emotions dance in his eyes as in yours. He bends down and bites you hard on the shoulder, leaving a mark, and you are surprised to dig your nails into his shoulder.

–You're definitely mine now, – he giggles, licking your skin. You blush and hug him harder before biting the sorcerer's ring finger.

–I would say that this way the chance increases.

Satoru giggles and leans closer, kissing you again.

–Doesn't it scare you that we're... like this? – asks Gojo, having long understood from your look that you guessed his true nature.

–As long as I can be with you, Satoru-chan, I will accept even the fact that you are a serial maniac.

The sorcerer chuckles softly in response and kisses you again.

It all ends with you cuddling with him on the couch, feeling a bright satisfaction.

Suddenly, everything is interrupted by a quiet and insane laugh. You look down and see that Gojo is looking at your face. He reaches out and gently strokes your cheek. His voice is quiet and filled with crazy love.

He says his next words as a fact. You only confirm them with a nod, smiling in response, as if all this is normal. "You're mine forever, (Y/N)-chan."

#gojo x reader #yandere!reader #yandere!gojo #yandere!satoru #fem!reader #gojo x fem!reader #Jujutsu Kaisen #satoru x reader #satoru gojo x reader #yandere!gojo x yandere!reader

[faithfulpuppy]

Serious Thoughts About Jod (Nona spoilers)

Alright fine. I don’t really want Jod discourse to be the focal point of my locked tomb experience but since at least one person cares enough about what I think post-Nona to send me anons, I’ve collected my thoughts here. [Keep in mind that I was raised an atheist so I don’t have either happy religious context or religious trauma context for this series, and I’m aware that because of that I’m missing nuances. We’re all just going to have to live with that.]

Apologies in advance that this is a long one. Nobody’s under any obligation to read any of it. Saying that, I’m not going to be engaging with comments about or by: anyone who clearly didn’t read this post properly; viewpoints that are already set in stone; anyone who thinks that John is incapable of telling the truth in any way or form; the baby finger flower crown. Save your energy.

Alright: have my feelings about John changed since reading Nona? Well, not a huge amount. Bear with me. When I made a controversial shitpost outlining my enjoyment of John as a character, I wasn’t trying to make out that he was blameless or even a good guy. I said "I have to face the fact he might be a bad guy" which apparently did not land as a joke, my bad; however I do see a distinction between ‘bad guy for the sake of evil muahaha’ and ‘bad guy with sympathetic or understandable reasons’. Is John a bad guy? Yes, obviously he’s one of the villains in this story. But it’s not that simple. Casting it as black and white feels like a disservice to Tamsyn Muir’s writing.

My read of Jod’s story during Nona is the tragic fall of a good person to evil. [I’m taking his account to Alecto/Harrow as fact, because I feel that it was very deliberately set in a dream in order to let him speak freely and honestly.] Jod starts out as just some biologist in New Zealand trying to save the planet and as much of humanity as he can ("Nobody knowingly left behind"). That’s one point for Good Guy. Pretty much everything he does from there to the fall is a logical step, at least on some level. Should he have done some things differently? 100%. But I don’t think at any point leading up to the Resurrection he truly made a decision in the spirit of evil. (Later, yep, evil things were done. But I'm looking at the period from cryo project to Resurrection era specifically.)

Let’s take things one at a time. 1) John Gets Granted The Power Of Necromancy. None of this would have happened if he’d walked away from necromancy there and then: the billionaires would have left with no warning, humanity would have burned itself out or not… who’s to say? But could he have walked away? If he had tried to ignore it, would he still have been able to sense death? I’m not sure that was a possibility once the power was in him. He felt that he could use it to fix what was wrong, he was planning to use it for good. He started going a bit mad pretty much immediately, and that makes sense. The huge shock of the project getting shut down and then the utter strangeness of being able to sense the bodies. I think I’d start to go a bit strange too.

2) They Stream The Necromancy. Lots of people came to see John for miracles and he cured everything he could (+1 good guy point). It was the nun/Cristabel who told him he had to limit it or charge for it or whatever. (I wonder how differently would things have turned out if he had continued to spend 20 hours a day curing fibro and cancer?) She said it would bring the heat down if he kept doing it, but it was a bit late by then, wasn't it? The government asked them to come in, as they’d been dreading. Should they have given themselves up? It didn’t seem like anyone else had the means to save the planet. I don’t think it was wrong to resist. They would have arrested his friends and put him in a lab underground to study. I don’t think it’s wrong to try and avoid that. Any genuine hero would.

3) Magical Inside-Out Animal-Shield Man. This one is always going to cause arguments. Do I like that he built a wall out of animals? No. Do I think it was evil? Also no. As he points out, it was quicker and more painless than slaughter for eating, and since a lot of them were destined for eating and I’m not vegetarian I can’t really fault that. I understand that any vegans reading this series are going to be pretty unmovable on this specific point. I respect that. It would definitely be bad guy points if he was nasty about it, but he was ashamed and acknowledged that it sucked. I think "extenuating circumstances" is a fair defence here. [It drives me kind of nuts that people reading this series use ‘cows have best friends’ as serious condemnation. You’re agreeing with the scumbag billionaires, guys!]

4) They Realise The Billionaires Are Running. In all honesty everyone got a little too obsessed with this. It sucked that they were going to take the ships that were supposed to be used for cryo, but aside from that, so? Good riddance, right? I think it was something for them to focus on when they didn’t know what else to do. They all seemed to conflate stopping the ships from leaving with fixing things. Cassiopeia asked if they should be focusing on the ships when they could be focusing on saving the planet instead, but nobody listened to her. It was Pyrrha who told John to ‘be a bad wizard’! Honestly I feel like most of the bad decisions John made were under peer pressure from his friends.

5) John Agrees to Puppet A World Leader. Mostly he did it because they offered so much money, and that sounds like bad guy points but they were out of options for saving the planet without money. When he realised it was – the president of the US or something – he didn’t want to do it but the others pushed him to keep going. And he didn’t want the nuke (+1 good guy points)! That’s very important. Mercy and Augustine pressured him into that too (premeditated).

6) John Kills A Bunch Of People. Okay, this one seems like it should be easy bad guy points, but I hesitate. He finally sees something that might be The Soul when those five people die outside the dome and describes it as crack cocaine, or what he imagines crack cocaine would be like. I’ve never done cocaine, but from what I understand about it I’m not sure I can entirely hold John responsible for what he did next. Yes, killing all those people was Bad and Wrong and Murder and Illegal and any number of other synonyms – but he was high. He was like a shark in a blood frenzy. He was not in control of his senses. That doesn’t make the killing less wrong, but was it something he chose to do? Not… exactly? He admits that it wasn’t an accident but if we’re going to hold him fully responsible for that we have to condemn every coke addict for their actions while high as if they were sober and in their right minds. (I’m sure some of you will. Drugs and addiction are a mental health issue. Those people need rehab, not prison time.) John is very sick by this stage.

7) They Spook The Trillionaires. Talking to the government sends the FTL crew into a rush to get out. John’s team, especially Mercy, desperately want to stop them, I think so they can use the same ships to get everyone out in cryo instead? (Meanwhile the only thing John really cares about is working out the missing link between alive and dead. He’s consumed by needing to understand necromancy. I think I would be too, to be fair. Can you imagine being given awesome and terrible power that nobody else has ever had and being expected to focus on anything else?) Anyway that’s when they decide to use the nuke as a threat (+1 bad guy points, but not entirely his idea). He still doesn’t want to use it, but he arms it without telling the others (+1 bad guy points, though I think it’s a little unfair of the others to be mad when they forced him to have it in the first place). At this point John threatens nuclear war through his Leader Puppet (+1 bad guy points), which the others really are mad about (fair). I don’t know if he still thinks he is saving the world at this point. Cassiopeia doesn’t think so. He’s become an environmental terrorist.

8) Necromancy Cultists Change Their Minds And Take Hostages. Let’s tally up problems. G1deon-with-nuke is sniper bait in Australia while John tries to negotiate. He has his puppet’s finger hovering over the button on the really big nukes. It’s mere hours until the ships launch. The cultists are threatening to gun them all down. What do you do in this situation? The right answer is obviously don’t nuke anyone – but then the ships escape and you probably all die by cultist unless you’re willing to remotely murder them (and John says that he didn’t because he was proving a point, not because it’s morally wrong at this stage (+1 bad guy points?). I’d say let the stupid ships go, once they’re gone you can use the money they left behind to build more, right? But the ships aren’t taking all the politicians who still want to arrest John and co, so it doesn’t really solve his problem. John’s biggest fear at this point was that he’d lost his friends. That’s important, remember that for later. He offers to give himself up to save the hostages (+1 good guy points?) and the others won’t let him so he sends skeletons instead and that’s when the cultists manage to break into the facility. He wants to kill everyone nearby so he has space to think (+1 bad guy points) but doesn’t (+1 good guy points?). Ironically it probably would all have worked out a lot better if he’d just accepted the cost and killed the cultists so he could focus on all the negotiations and maybe find a solution (or at least enough presence of mind to think ‘what the fuck’ and back down from the nukes).

9) Cristabel Kills Herself. John thought she was there to kill him and he was going to let her. Instead she shot herself to try to help him find The Soul and it worked. He found the key to the soul, but he also found Alecto. He couldn’t hear anything over the sound of her screaming. All he had wanted from the beginning was to save the planet and he could suddenly see her soul and how much pain she was in. From this point on (until the end of his account) I don’t think John really made any decisions, per se. This next part is written like a dream within a dream. There was gunfire inside the facility and everyone was dying – he could probably have caught their souls and put them back in, but what would the point have been if they’d just immediately get shot again? I don’t even know if he could have when all he could hear was Alecto. So he set off all the nukes because he couldn’t concentrate on everything anymore (+1 big bad guy points) and everyone else died. He killed as many as he could before the nukes got to them, painlessly like the cows (+1 good guy points?). He was still obsessed with stopping the ships. I don’t even think it was his own obsession at this point. It was the last human thing he had to cling to, the memory of fear and anger that the ships were abandoning everyone.

I don’t think this can be compared to anything real. Nobody has ever faced something like this. I can’t say what I would have done in his position because I have never had to deal with the pain and fear and noise of a whole planet screaming in my ears while staggering with godlike magical power. Neither have you. You can’t say you would have done better.

10) John Eats Alecto. Again, the cocaine hit. Again, the blood frenzy. Once he started eating souls he couldn’t stop. That’s bad guy points, but almost by proxy. He wasn’t in control. He was barely human. He wanted Alecto to take him but she didn’t, so he took her instead. He wanted her to stop being in pain. He went about it badly. He should have left her to scream herself out and then lick her wounds and recover. But I don’t think stopping was an option for him, by that point. I think he’d have had to kill himself to avoid the pain of her screams and I’m sure a lot of people think he definitely should have, but I’m not into encouraging people to commit suicide even if they’re a bad person, so. [Everyone’s obsessed with him making her look like Barbie and how yuck that is, but he also says he tried to make her look like a Renaissance angel. I think he was trying to be respectful to her by conjuring the best image of beauty he could in the midst of madness and panic. Based on the way she ‘kisses’ Harrow later I don’t think there’s anything remotely sexual between them or even romantic, so I don’t think it’s that weird to try to make her beautiful.] Anyway he can’t reach the ships so he also eats the sun and the other planets (+1 bad guy points but Alecto’s just as keen as him so only half blame) and then he does his best to kill everyone on the ships (+1 bad guy points) but mostly fails as they’ve already hit FTL. He should have given up on the billionaires, at least later after he’d had time to calm down and get used to sharing two bodies with Alecto. He should have just let them go. But of course it’s not just his anger, he’s sharing Alecto’s pain and betrayal toward them. He might not be able to stop hating them as long as she’s alive.

11) The Resurrection. It’s good guy points that he brings people back, but bad guy points that he’s choosy about it. He should have resurrected everyone and let them start over since he was wiping memories anyway. I understand why he wiped the memories. In general, how could he try to build a better world if everyone was clinging to the past? It doesn’t make it right, but I see the logic. Regarding his friends specifically, partly it’s that fear from earlier that he’d lose them because of what he did, but partly it’s also pity. Mercy and Augustine in particular, but all of them, share responsibility for what happened. They pushed him to keep going. They developed the obsession with the ships. They got him the nukes. He didn’t want them to carry the same guilt. I’m not saying it was right to wipe their memories. But I understand it. Some people think he doesn’t care about the people around him, but I think John cares too much. He’s willing to do very bad things because he cares too much about his loved ones. It’s bordering on obsession which is toxic, but it was born from real love. (Why did he change their names? Did he even change them? I don’t know. That’s one of the missing pieces. I don’t feel a need to speculate on it at this stage.)

He knew the RBs were coming and didn’t tell his Lyctors initially (+1 bad guy points, buuuut he hasn’t explained why). Or that he couldn’t be killed by them. Why does he run from them? Send his favourite companions to die? I hope we’ll find out.

He let his friends get the Lyctoral process wrong (+1 bad guy points) and kill their other halves – I’ve seen a theory that it’s because he was jealous of Mercy, Augustine, G1deon, Cassiopeia loving anyone else, but he seemed to love Pyrrha so much too. Maybe that’s why she’s the one that kind of survived.

He tried to build a society that was better than the one he left behind – no cars, no nuclear, no homophobia, no internet – and in some ways he probably succeeded (good guy points?). It’s an imperialist society (I think fascist is a stretch – it’s not very different to most conquering nations in earth’s history and to call them all fascist because they wanted to expand just seems kind of pointless) and the Cohort stuff is bad – child soldiers are big bad guy points – but a lot of that was G1deon and Pyrrha (John obviously has final say on everything but I’m saying it wasn’t necessarily his idea). The people living in the Houses seem reasonably happy, at least outside the Eighth and Ninth Houses. [I don’t think ‘he’s the leader of a death cult’ is reasonable grounds to condemn – I don’t think necromancy is inherently evil, in general, compared to a lot of other kinds of magic. That’s a wholeass conversation on its own, though.]

He locked Alecto away (+1 bad guy points) because he was afraid she was a vulnerability (and because the others kept begging him to kill her because she’s a ‘monster’). This is honestly one of his worst moments for me because it’s a definite Bad Choice he made with time to think it through and consider his options. I could argue that he was protecting her because Harrow says "You’re afraid of so many things, but she’s only afraid to die" and maybe it was a kindness to put her to sleep where she was safe – but he didn’t do it to alleviate her fear, he did it to protect himself. No moral high ground there.

He can’t let go of his need to punish the billionaires/BoE (+1 bad guy points, though as I’ve discussed I’m not sure that’s all him) – funnily enough wiping the memories really screws himself over in this case, as he tells Augustine the man he was before the Resurrection would have been disgusted at the idea of letting them go and it’s probably true. Billionaires/BoE are undeniably bad guys too (discussion for another post) but that doesn’t mean it’s good guy points to keep going after them.

There’s a ‘discrepancy’ in the numbers of souls Resurrected which is a puzzle I’m hoping will be solved in AtN – I have no idea what’s going on there so I’m not counting it as good or bad right now.

He thinks about killing everyone and starting over again with another Resurrection (+1 bad guy points). I almost wonder if he’s done it before. Ten thousand years is such a long time. He’s so calm and thoughtful about it and that’s horrifying. John is thoroughly insane. Grief, guilt, sharing Alecto’s soul, and the sheer weight of time have stripped away his humanity. He was barely human when he merged with Alecto and he is something else entirely by now. Once again I don’t think it’s useful to compare to real-life scenarios. There has never been and never will be anyone like him. We cannot comprehend what the inside of his head is like. I think it must be awful to be him. He’s insane and he’s alone and he’s very traumatized and I think the only remotely human emotions he has left are the fear that his friends will leave him and the anger that the billionaires abandoned earth. He completely falls apart after he loses Mercy and Augustine and G1deon – yeah yeah, he deserved it in the end blah blah- but isn’t that sad? Fear and anger and terrible numbness for ten thousand years. I pity him. I pity those he’s hurt too, but those feelings can co-exist.

[I don’t know what’s going on with him and Gideon/Kiriona. I do think he was genuinely pleased and excited to find out he had a child, but the timing bombed. I don’t know why he didn’t Resurrect her properly (can he even still do that with Alecto locked away?). I don’t know why he changed her name. The situation is not a good look. +1 bad guy points.]

John is absolutely a villain as the series stands, but I don’t think he started out with selfish or evil intentions. His story is the perfect example of ‘you either die, or live long enough to become the villain’. It’s a classic trope in fantasy. He knows that he was awful and calls what he did 'a damned thing' - he cries, he rages, he carries so much regret and guilt for it: that says tragic fall to me. Another thing that strikes me: I live with a lot of mental illnesses and to me this is the story of someone who is very unwell. Tamsyn Muir has been reasonably open about her own struggles with mental illness; so much of this series is about mental illness in various forms. I think that’s an important lens to view John’s story through. He’s a wretched character and it doesn’t excuse the sins he’s committed and continues to commit, but I think it certainly explains them. I think he made more mistakes than evil choices. I can condemn some of his actions and the way he lives now, but I feel pity too. He wanted to save the world and nobody listened to him and everyone vilified him and he was living with the burden of necromancy and he was racing against the clock and he snapped and I think that’s realistic. It doesn’t make him right but it makes him human and very very sad.

#the locked tomb #locked tomb spoilers #nona the ninth #nona the ninth spoilers #john gaius #god #gideon the ninth #discourse #tragic villain #mental illness #g9 #tamsyn muir #this post will probably get 8 notes and no discourse at all but eh

[rin-and-jade]

hi there, I've been very active in researching OSDD/DID for the last few years, and it came to be that around July of 2022 I realized how many applications and descriptions fit my experience. I/we don't experience amnesia, but do experience high degrees of trance-like dissociation and DPDR regularly. I/we identify as an OSDD system, and have distinctive parts/alters, who have their own body awareness, personalities, interacting with the world, and their own names, if exclusively identified.

The problem is that there is a huge amount of imposter syndrome, and self-invalidation, since we don't remember any significant trauma that would cause such a brain thing to happen. The only things we can remember are instances of emotional invalidation (and altercations ending in panic attacks from a young age) due to caregivers figures not realizing we're autistic, or how to help us. But that doesn't feel like it's enough. With all the searching we've done, we can't recover anything more specific as a recurring trauma. It hurts, and feels like we are invalid as a system, and that without something more significant there's no way we could have developed this way.

Is this enough, depending on how the brain dealt with distress? Should we keep searching for repressed trauma?

TLDR; Imposter syndrome due to lack of trauma rememberance, and what is remembered feels "too light".

Yikes.. imposter syndrome is already a pain in the ass to deal with. I'll try my best to explain multiple things to you and all ya got to do is digest all of these and do the tips i write below ok? (long post bare with me)

Following the order, let's start with the syndrome itself. This can make a distrust between you and the memories/severity you have known,, having the mindset of seeing 'worthiness' in a simple scale (of not bad to bad enough) won't cut it apparently. First you must understand that you're easy to miss the whole point which is acknowledging you have these unpleasant memories, and that is the only proof needed.

Secondly, self invalidation hits people right in the gut. Everytime. While you can't stop it from throwing punches, you can actually learn how to dodge. In this case where invalidation is trying to beat you up hard anytime,, it's time to implement the concept of worth and acceptance. By understanding that everyone has its own worth (and the same degree/amount) and even for you, that'll dodge an uppercut of "your struggles are nothing compared to others" which is much better than getting your jaw hit and halfway in the process of understanding the truth (because it lies all the time). Having acceptance that despite how 'small' or 'not really bad' traumatic experiences makes you dodge another jab punch,, invalidation hates this as it tries to put you down for good and you're going against it. Like boxing, it takes practice to create a counterattack and be fast in dodging so if you got hit once in a while, get up again, you're doing great,, beat that shit to pulp with consistency.

Thirdly, for repressed trauma/memories. I think of this sometimes, i, myself is also aware we still have many to uncover but that isn't always the important thing to dig for. How can one be sure that it has CDD? By knowing it has one already, in fact (the presenting symptoms and struggles around it, as well as history of when it happened). Finding traces is not easy and takes lot of time,, just as an investigation case where some deed had happened (cdd) and you're tasked to understand what process/action had led to this cause by looking for clues (repressed memories) and even if you, the detective have gained profound evidence (pieces of memories, etc). Because you weren't in the crime scene or whoever was involved in the deed,, not knowing the full chronology, series of events and reasons is perfectly alright. What im telling is that you don't need to see the full picture to determine something,, with enough clues that serves as concrete evidence, it had already been sufficient.

Lastly, i say you should not chase for memories as its counterintuitive. Like taming a cat, you can't catch it that way,, and so it works similarly with this. The more you heal on yourself and other parts, it'll uncover by itself and im sure of it. So you don't have to chase anymore because it's bound to come by itself, just like a cat.

I also made this simple graph on how your issues affect each other and its outcome in my own understanding,, by having awareness that this is creating a loop, you are bound to escape/break it easier. The writings are not dyslexic-friendly so im kinda sorry on that..

This hopefully covers up everything what you're questioning and the presented struggles as well, so, i now wish you luck and feel free to come back and tell me your progress.

- j

#did #actually did #did community #did system #did osdd #dissociative identity disorder #plural #system stuff #sysblr #janswersask

[queeranarchism]

could you please talk about sanctions? what are the immediate effects and on who, and what are the likely secondary effects of those, and anything else important - having a hard time wrapping my head around the whole topic and its practicalities. thanks!

I'm assuming you mean the sanctions against Russia that are happening right now? I'm not particularly knowledgeable about economic dynamics so I'm not quite sure why sanctions have a specific outcome in a specific situation. I can see why the current sanctions were put in place and what their outcome is, so I can give you my amateurs take on that. To keep it simple I'll limit myself to a European perspective (which is already broad, there are lots of nuances within Europe).

When Russia invaded Ukraine, it was pretty clear to Europe that something had to be done about the expansionist dictator in their backyard. No one wanted to deal with Putin, because dealing with a dictator who owns nukes is risky. Europe had tried to pacify Putin when he invaded the Kremlin in 2014 and had looked away when he expanded Russian influence in the Donbas region in the years after that. But now Putin threw all restraint out the window and just tried to take over a whole country. And it was pretty clear that his ambition didn't end there. If he succeeded, he would be more confident, more powerful and Russia would gain a huge amount of resources that it could use in its next landgrab. That landgrab might not come in 2023, but it would come eventually.

So doing nothing didn't seem like an option, but joining the war against Ukraine could lead to a nuclear conflict that could destroy all life on earth. So the only more or less safe option that remained was to try to fight Putin by means other than war: sanctions and supplying Ukraine with military aid. When the sanctions were imposed at the start of the war, they probably had several goals. Which I think were:

Damage Russia's economy as punishment for the invasion of Ukraine and eventually cause its economy to crash, preventing Russia from continuing an expensive war. This was the primary goal.

Send a signal to the Russian people that this 'special military operation' was actually a really big deal and they should be paying attention to it.

Limit Russia's access to military materials produced outside Russia.

The primary goal failed completely. Europe believed that Russia was militarily strong and economically weak. It was incredibly wrong about both. In part this had something to do with how the sanctions were implemented. Russia profited enormously from the rising prices of gas and oil. But even if the sanctions had been designed better, they probably wouldn't have broken the Russian economy. Putin has dreamed about restoring the Russian empire for a long time and has probably known for a while now that some confrontation with Europe would be inevitable. While Europe was increasing its economic dependency on Russian gas, Putin was making sure Russia's economy could survive without Europe.

The secondary goals probably worked pretty well. Russians certainly noticed the disappearance of almost all European shops from their streets and that made it a lot harder for the Kremlin to pretend that something minor was happening in Ukraine. And by now, we are seeing the Russian army running out of vital spare parts, especially for it's most modern military equipment. This absolutely impacts Russia's combat capability.

Finally, the military aid has been absolutely crucial to the Ukrainian war effort. Ukraine would have fallen months ago without those weapons.

Sanctions always hurt both sides. When you cut off an exchange that was once beneficial to you both, everyone takes a hit. As it is, Russia is hurting a lot less than expected and Europe is hurting a lot more. By now, it probably makes more sense to double down on supplying weapons to Ukraine than to impose more sanctions. The weapons are making a much bigger difference and are cheaper by comparison.

Still, I would argue that with the way the war is going, Europe is getting a pretty sweet deal: it's expansionist dictator next door is getting his ass kicked. Russia has taken massive casualties and lost enormous amounts of its best equipment. This will impact Russia's military capabilities for at least a decade and if Putin holds on to power he will certainly think twice before starting a new invasion in Europe.

Europe is getting long term safety from Russia's expansionism because Ukrainians are fighting and dying. And all the rest of Europe has to do is deal with inflation and a likely recession. They do not need to flee from their homes, they do not need to risk their lives.

So yeah, it is going to be a rough winter and Europe's working class is going to have to take action to get higher pay and lower rent, otherwise some of us will starve of freeze. But if we have to choose between fighting the boss with strikes or fighting Putin with guns, I know which of those I prefer.

[filesbeorganized]

Cynoglossum Amabile

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Author’s Note - Start: This fic falls under the series My Garden of Love, which is part of the submission for Celebrrration in Tumblr. The accompanying song for this fic collection is “Flowers” by Hadestown.

Celebrrration Day 5 Prompt: Free For All

Warnings/Tags:  Celebrrration submission, flower language, canon typical violence, songfic, TW injuries, TW gun wound, skip the epilogue to practice self care, or just pretend it doesn’t exist

Relationships: Alluri Sitarama Raju/Komuram Bheem, Seetha/Jenny

___

You, the one I left behind.

If you ever walk this way.

Come and find me lying in the bed I made.

___

Surprisingly it took some long time before their mission turned into disaster.

The thing about a team is, a higher number of people in a team means they can attack bigger perimeters, or they can move their bounty faster. But it also means you have to keep track of a much larger amount of headcounts.

Their first mission did not, by all means, go smoothly. First, they found out that even the ‘least guarded’ British warehouse still had plenty of protection. They opted for a more stealthy tactic instead, which brings us to a second problem. Higher headcounts in a team means it’s harder to keep mistakes to a minimum. Halfway through the mission, someone must’ve attracted too much attention because they got found out. Fights broke out but Ram’s Babai decided it would be wiser to retreat early. They did just that, even though that means they only got to bring home half of the rifle they could have taken from that warehouse.

Luckily they didn't suffer much losses. There’s people with injuries here and there, but no life was lost. And despite the fact that their mission got cut short, the men were experiencing their first battle euphoria. Morale was at an all time high. Everywhere he goes, Ram hears people’s buzz of how they’re excited for the next mission.

They recover from that last mission. For the next few months, the men were trained, and this time Ram can see that they’re training harder than before. That’s because now that they’ve seen what the real battlefield could look like, they take their training even more seriously. While Ram took over training, his Babai is researching for their next mission. He took it upon himself to make sure that they are more informed this time. He won’t risk a slip up like the last one.

Seetha is still working as the village healer. She maintains constant communication with Jenny now. Jenny sent letters to Babai, giving him any insider information she could find. Alongside those letters, sometimes she will attach trinkets or accessories for Seetha. It’s quite sweet really, and Seetha keeps every single one of those trinkets like it’s worth more than gold.

Ram, on the other hand, did not maintain contact with anyone. He doesn’t have many close friends to begin with. And Bheem. Last time he saw him, they left each other unsure of what will become of them. Ram tried to send a letter, but he doesn’t even know what to put inside those letters. Writing about anything but his true feelings will feel like he’s just writing the letter out of courtesy, but writing about his true feelings is too high of a risk. Ram feels like breaking down even at the thought of writing it.

Instead Ram busied himself with the mission preparations. He busied himself caring for the white alyssum in his garden. He feels like he’s nursing something bigger than just a simple plant. Nevertheless, Ram tries to live his life. Although living any life without involving Bheem feels not quite right for him.

Ram’s team went on their second mission not long after. That mission was a huge success. They even got to recruit some of the people in that area. Their homes had been taken by the British to build a government building, so they agreed with eagerness to join Ram's team. Ram and his Babai don’t mind an extra aid in achieving their cause, and Seetha is welcoming the ones joining her as healer members with open arms.

Their third and fourth mission also went without a hitch. Ram’s quite happy with the result of their months of training and Babai’s hard work yielding success.

Well, you know when old people said that if you’re laughing too hard in the morning, you’ll weep in the evening? They meet their equivalent of that awful proverb in their fifth mission. On Ram’s team’s defence, Ram should have seen this coming.

One of the men who joined their team after the second mission was physically quite gifted. He adapted quickly to the daily training and soon he trained alongside the more senior team. They decided to bring the guy to their fifth mission, since he seemed to be doing well in the preparation training.

They forgot to take into account that real battles are much scarier and more intense than training. As soon as the fights broke out, the new guys panicked and charged into the nearest line of soldiers.

The team was taken aback for a moment, because that was not one of the plans. The rest looked at each other, trying to figure out what to do next.

“Don’t break formation,” Ram commanded, “Keep doing the mission as planned, I’ll take care of him.”

So the team kept doing what they were told to do, while Ram tried to find a way to make the new guy move farther from the line of fire. None of them were supposed to be that close to the enemy’s line anyway. What was that guy thinking?!

If Bheem was here, he might have had some brilliant idea to save the guy without scaring him. But since only Ram is here, he just does the most Ram thing he could do. He approaches the guy and just starts yelling.

“What do you think you are doing?” he orders, “Get back!”.

The new guy looked at Ram for a second like Ram’s the one who lost his mind, “But I can shoot them down! Why are we retreating?!”.

“We already got the equipment we need from the warehouse!” Ram shouts above the sound of gunshots. He understands the new guy is definitely high on adrenaline, but he’s not risking losing anyone just so the guy can satisfy his battle euphoria. Worst case scenario he’ll just yank this guy back to where the others are waiting for them.

“Listen!” Ram bellows, “You’re too far from your teammates! They can’t cover you! You’re basically outnumbered out here!”.

The man kept shooting for a while, but then he started retreating. Ram’s about to move as well, but he spots snipers being put into place. He needs to shoot them down first, or else they’ll have a much harder time retreating.

This puts Ram on that open field of fire for quite a while. And as he had expected, his team can’t cover for him this far. Which means it is quite inevitable that he got shot.

He had been beaten up by a crowd before. He had been tortured for days on end before. Hell, he had been shot before. But it’s not like you built immunity against bullets.

Ram doubles down as the first bullet digs itself into his flesh. The burning feeling spread from where the iron had lodged itself. He quickly gets back on his feet, ignoring the painful jolts he feels every time he moves. He finishes shooting the men behind the snipers and begins retreating. He received a second bullet in his arm before he finally got within the team’s protection range.

He instructed everyone to begin packing up and retreating. They quickly vacate the area, all the while their new recruit looked like he wanted to vomit. He keeps apologising profusely. Everyone was too tired to get angry. At least they didn’t fail the mission. And they all can sympathise with someone being too excited for their first mission to a point where they act recklessly. Their own first mission happened not even a year ago.

When they met Ram’s Babai where he had been waiting for them, a group of healers was ready to treat the wounded. They herded Ram into a tent, then getting ready to get the bullet out and stitch the wound. Ram’s adrenaline had come down, so now he feels the pain he’s been in more clearly. He can’t move without turning his vision red, every motion increasing the flare of burning feelings in his gut and arm where the bullet is. One of the healers moves to give him painkillers. They work quickly removing the bullet, as Ram’s consciousness comes and goes.

Being unable to move around while having no control over your consciousness means he doesn’t have a lot of things to distract himself from his feelings. Ram feels as if floating inside his mind. His emotions are amplified around him. He jumps from fear to anger to anxiety. The last one was a yearning for someone.

Then he wakes up in the village’s healer’s tent.

He tries to sit up with lots of effort. His whole body feels like it’s made of iron. His hand is stiff as if it’s a marionette’s joints. He observes his surroundings, there’s some mat with the wounded men on them, all of them fast asleep.

Getting up with minimal groaning, Ram approaches the tent’s opening. The moon was high in the sky, and the chilly night wind made him regret not taking his blanket with him.

Water’s trickling sound catches his attention. He turned around to see Seetha walking with buckets of water in her hand.

“Ram?” she finally saw him, “Why are you out here? Go back inside, you’re supposed to be recovering.”

“I can’t sleep anymore, I’ve been out the whole day haven’t I?” he guesses.

Seetha sighs, which means Ram is right. He tried to help her with the bucket but she lightly kicked him away, “No, stay out of it, you’re a patient. If you can’t sleep, at least you shouldn't be moving around.”

She leads him to the furnace outside the tent. There’s several trays of medical equipment beside it. Seetha makes Ram sit nearby, before preparing to boil some water. She disinfects the trays before doing the same thing to the medical equipment, putting the cleaned ones in the disinfected trays.

“How are you feeling?” Seetha asks.

“Mostly pain,” Ram jokes dryly.

“Must be,” Seetha scoffs, “You should take better care of yourself.”

“I’ll try not to get shot too often, ma’am,” he retorts. Seetha just shakes her head.

She begins again, “New letter from Jenny just arrived. She got me these,” Seetha fiddles with the earrings she’s wearing. The silvery colour is stained with the orange light from the fire.

Ram feels a pang of jealousy. He’s not sure for what or whom. He’s truly happy for Seetha. He hasn't seen her this happy since they were kids. How do two traumatised children heal each other? They support each other anyway they can. But making each other happy was not their first priority. So Ram’s just happy that someone is finally providing Seetha reasons to be happy. Nevertheless, there’s a tiny envy present. A wish to be just as happy.

“How about Bheem?” Seetha inquired, “He got any news?”.

Ram opted to tell her the truth. There’s only two people so far that he trusts with his honest feelings. The first one is Seetha, the second one is the subject of their oncoming discussion.

“No, not really,” Ram finally answered, “For what it’s worth, we haven’t been exchanging letters these days. Not since..,” he lets his words hang in the air.

Seetha nods, “I see.”

They sat around in contemplating silence. The fire crackles is the only proof that time hasn’t just stopped completely.

“What do you think of Jenny?” Seetha wondered.

Ram thought for a moment, “I don’t know. She’s quite interesting I guess. She’s witty and spirited. If anything, I thought Bheem was quite a fool for not trying harder to win her.”

“I like her,” Seetha said, “Like, like her. And I’m glad Bheem didn’t fight harder to win her. ”

Because of course Seetha is so much better than Ram at confronting her feelings.

“So,” Seetha repeated her question, “What do you think of Jenny…with me?”.

Ram failed at fighting his grin, “You know I’ll approve of anything that makes you happy. You’re my friend first and foremost. We can’t change our past. But if you can have a happier future, how can I not be happy for you?”.

He looks at her, “So, are you happy?”.

“I am,” Seetha nods, “I really am. Back when I lived in her cottage, at the village? We’ll talk for hours. We’ll find time to talk whenever we can. And..and sometimes, I have all those horrible thoughts and memories. Like all of my emotions flooding over me. She’ll sit with me, and listen to my ramblings. And nothing calms me down like her presence. I don’t know what I have done that made the universe decide to grace me with her companionship.”

As Seetha tells him her and Jenny’s story, Ram can’t help but think of a certain someone. Someone who he enjoys talking for hours to. Someone whose company is the only thing that can calm him on his worst nights. Someone that sits beside him and convinces him to talk about his bitter emotions and scary thoughts until all of the heaviness subsides in his chest.

“She’s visiting you know,” Seetha continues, “In a few months, she’ll take some time off from her work in Delhi. And she’ll visit us here. I can actually meet her, and talk to her in person again. I can’t wait.” As she said the last sentence, she’s practically vibrating with excitement.

“How about you?,” she asks, “Have you considered taking my advice and have some time just for yourself?”.

He scoffs at that and vaguely shrugs.

“Have you got anything in particular that brings you comfort?” she queried. Her voice is soft and careful.

A few years ago, his answer might be her. She was his home for the longest time. But in the last few years he was away, the feelings got muddled under the stress and guilt he’s under. When he finally met her again, he found out that the feelings he had, had mellowed down to a fond friendship. Then he comes to realise that perhaps someone else had become his home.

Maybe it’s the melancholic night with the dim light of the moon. Maybe it’s the fact that Ram is still under the influence of painkillers. Maybe it’s because he had always trusted Seetha with all his secrets. But he finally admits what he had been avoiding.

“It was Bheem,” he mumbles, “Well, it still is. Kind of. I haven’t asked how he feels. And if he doesn’t feel the same, I won’t know how to look at him again.” His breath trembles as he says the last sentence.

Seetha nods empathetically, “I can’t give you much reassurance. The matter of hearts is unpredictable and risky. You’ve given someone else the power to make or break you. I think that’s brave. I think that’s courageous. And I’m proud of you for being able to admit it. Just know this. You deserve to be happy. And if you have to take some risk to achieve that happiness, just know that whatever the result is, I’ll always be there for you.”

Ram considers it for a moment.

Can he live with himself should he never tell Bheem about his feelings? Probably, yeah. He has lived with many regrets. He had convinced himself before, that he doesn’t deserve good things. That he ruins everything that came close to him. That he was destined to be absolutely and miserably alone. But Seetha’s words are infectious, and the thought of letting himself just be happy is so alluring to him.

Maybe it’s the fever talking. Maybe he’s going to regret this. This is completely impulsive and reckless. But Ram stands up, slowly, because his annoying wounds are making simple movement so hard to do right now.

“Are you going to get some sleep?” Seetha inquires.

Ram mumbled a vague answer. She shrugged and continued her work. She’s going to kill him later, but he hopes she understands why he has to do this.

He went to his cottage and gathered some of his things. Then he slips a note under Seetha’s house door.

I’m going to visit someone. Be back soon, it reads.

He must’ve been going insane. He’s fully grinning by the time he exits his village.

___

He’s not grinning anymore halfway through the journey. In fact, he’s cursing his impulsive decision as he feels the painkiller’s effects wearing out. His breath was heavy and erratic as he walked through the forest. He’s pretty sure his wound’s stitches had opened up some kilometres ago, but he can’t be bothered to check it. Not that he brought any equipment to re-stitch it either, on the account that he barely packs anything for this poorly planned trip. So his options are getting into Bheem’s village or just lay here and wait for a mountain tiger to maul him down.

He decides that he likes the first option so much more.

However, apparently there’s a third option. He was so exhausted as he approached Bheem’s village. He did not see the overgrown root and trip over it. If there’s any hope that he didn’t tear open his stitches, that hope dies as he feels warm liquid dripping down his sides. His fever was rising to an all time high that his vision doubled and blurred. The last thing he remembered was a face popping on the edge of his range of view:

“I thought I told you not to die.”

___

He’s not sure if the following events happened or was it only in his imagination. He saw someone looming over him. He felt light, as if he’s being moved around. Someone is re-stitching his open wounds. There’s a few voices talking at the same time, but he can’t make up the words. He finally saw Bheem, or maybe it was someone who looked extremely similar. He’s not sure who is who when the world is this blurry.

“Hey, buddy,” the-guy-who-might-be-Bheem whispered, “What happened? Who did this?”.

Ram noted that his voice was croaking creepily as he answered, “Hi. Hi. I got shot.” He felt weirdly embarrassed, so he added, “Sorry.”

“No, it’s not your fault,” Bheem assured him, “We’ll get you healed in no time, okay? Just stay with me, now.”

“You’re so nice,” Ram coos, “Why are you so nice to me? Do you like me?”.

Bheem didn’t say anything for a moment. Then he said softly, “Yes. Yes, I do. That’s why you’ve got to make it through this night, okay? So we can talk again tomorrow.”

“I like you. Soooo much,” Ram’s words are slurring, “Like this much-” he waves his hands. One of his hands smacked into something and he heard curses muttered under someone’s breath.

“Yeah, maybe don’t flail around,” Bheem took his hand and put it back to his sides, “We’re trying to stop the bleeding.”

Suddenly Ram feels so tired. He just wants to close his eyes and go to sleep. He trekked a long way to get here. Surely he deserves to take a nap. So he blinks a few times before saying, “Okayy, I won’t move around. Good night, Bheem, I love you a lotttt. I want to hug you but I promised not to move. But I miss you, I really do.” He let himself fall deeper into his sleepiness.

“Hey, stay with me,” Bheem’s voice sounds desperate, “Don’t you dare die on me after giving me such a speech.”

Then Ram’s view dissolves into darkness.

The sun was high when Ram woke up. He tries to sit up but a face materialises before him. He startles and screams.

“Hey, calm down-,” the voice sounds exasperated, “Stop screaming, it’s me!”.

He stops screaming and squints. Malli was squatting beside where he had been sleeping. He’s about to scold her but his throat is so dry he began coughing instead. Malli sighs and fetches a glass of water. Ram groans as he finally successfully sits upright.

“Here, have a drink,” she almost shoves it in his face, “You can’t die after you do that whole public love confession thing. If you do, I won’t get to make fun of you.”

Ram chokes on his drink, “The whole what now?”.

“Love confession?” Malli teases, “You were being treated by the healer. Bheem-anna literally ran to see you. Then you started blabbering about how you love him, this muchhh-” Malli made an exaggerated gesture with her hands that Ram surely did not do.

Ram covers his heated face with his hand, “Oh no.”

“Oh no, indeed,” Malli replies in an annoying sing-songy voice, “Looks like someone has an embarrassing crush on my anna.”

Ram tried to whack her, but that little irritating girl had already jumped out of the way.

“How did I get here anyway?” Ram inquired.

Malli grins, “I saved you, of course! I found you fainting near the village entrance this morning, so I told the healers to fetch you. You owe me one!”.

Ram’s not too thrilled at the idea that he owes Malli his life, but he already did anyway, so he just murmurs, “Thanks, Malli. I owe you one.”

“What’s that?” Malli sneers, “I can’t hear it.”

How does one little girl have it in her to be so infuriating?

“Come here closer so I can tell you clearly,” Ram waves his hand at her.

Malli tiptoes closer to him before halting, “Uh, no thanks. You literally emit bad intentions. I’m going to save myself from the big bad wolf, so goodbye!”. She ran out of the room.

Ram scoffs but does not give chase. His whole body is stiff anyway, he’ll probably just face plant to the floor if he tries to run. As if his life hasn’t been embarrassing enough. He fiddles with his cup of water for some time. Then someone enters the room.

“Feeling better?” the voice asks.

Ram looks up and finds Bheem approaching him. Ram’s face is heating up at a concerning speed.

“Y-yeah,” he responds, “Sorry about the whole shenanigans. I wasn’t in the right mind.”

Bheem looks like he’s disconcerted before carefully going blank again, “Oh. I see.”

He took a seat beside Ram, “What happened? Malli found you unconscious near the village.”

“Yeah, she told me I owe her one for that,” Ram began. Bheem chuckles at that, and Ram can’t help but to smile as well, “It was the last mission. Got a newbie straying from the team. I got him to retreat back to the team’s defence but got shot instead. So…”.

Bheem massages his temple,”Why on earth are you so self sacrificial? That was a reckless move.”

“Well, you’re one to talk. I bet if you were there, you wouldn’t leave that newbie to fend for himself either,” Ram retorts. Bheem shakes his head.

“Then, what’s this about?” Bheem inquired, “Why did you go here? Is there anything we could do to help, perhaps? If anything, you could have sent a letter instead”.

Ram’s throat suddenly feels very dry again. Right, the reason he went here. The fever induced love confession.

“I didn’t come here for mission related things,” Ram tries to fight the urge to run out of the room, “Actually, I didn’t tell anyone before going here.”

“You what?” Bheem shouts before lowering his voice, “Sorry, you what? You didn’t tell anyone? Not even Seetha or your Babai?”.

“Technically, I left Seetha a note about how I need to visit someone, so-” Ram defended himself.

“That is not a comfort,” Bheem sighs loudly, “That is such a vague announcement. ‘Someone’ could range from visiting a relative to you getting into trouble. They must’ve been worried sick by now. I got to send a letter telling them that you’re here.” He starts to stand up.

“Okay, wait,” Ram holds Bheem's hand before taking his hand back again in surprise, “Seetha, Seetha will know that I’m here.”

“And why are you so sure?” Bheem questions.

Ram hates that he has to have these conversations. Why can’t he just do the hand signals thing like he did on the bridge, then hopes that Bheem understands?

He took a deep breath, ignoring his pounding heart and began again, “Because we were talking before I went here. About you. Well, it started with her talking about Jenny, and somehow the conversation ends with us talking about you.”

“I’m not following,” Bheem said in confusion, “Why did a conversation about Jenny and me somehow relate to why you are currently here?”.

“B-because,” Ram tried not to stammer, but it is hard considering how much he’s shaking right now. He’s risking so many things. His friendship, his relation to Bheem, his village relation to Bheem’s people. All in the name of his selfish personal needs. He should feel quite bad about it. But since his feverish self last night already betrayed him, then the cat’s out of the bag. “Because Seetha told me she likes Jenny. And she’s happy that Jenny wasn’t with you anymore.”

“And?” Bheem query patiently, “Are you here on behalf of Seetha asking for Jenny’s hand or something? Because if so, you’re in the wrong place. I do not speak for Jenny.”

“No, I’m not here for that. I’m here because,” Ram inhales deeply before finishing his sentence in one breath, “Last night I realised that perhaps I have loved you all along. And that if I never told you then I might as well give up on my happiness. Or something like that.”

Bheem had become still as a stone and Ram winces. Of course he just messed this up. He feels panic rising in his chest.

“Well, I-” Bheem hesitates, “May I ask why you finally found me unworthy of your love?”.

Ram feels as if his brain just short circuited, “What now? I never said that?”.

“You said you were not in your right mind when you came to that conclusion,” Bheem looks so desperate that Ram’s heart aches in response, “I just wonder, now that you’re not under the influence of your fever, what has made you decide that I’m no longer worthy of your love?”.

Ram gaped at that. He means he wasn’t in his right mind as in he was blabbering throughout his first love confession to Bheem. And he did not want his love confession to Bheem to happen under the influence of anything. But beside that, every word is true.

It seems that Ram didn’t talk for some time because Bheem then backed off and said, “Never mind, I didn’t mean to prod at you. I’ll go write Seetha a letter to confirm your arrival, then.”

“Wait. No, no-,” Ram blurted, “I swear. Sit down. Please.”.

Bheem looked unsure but sat back down nevertheless.

“I didn’t mean it like that. You know what? I’m sorry, I’m bad at this,” Ram fiddled with his hands, “I love you. I’m not sure since when, but probably a long time ago. I’m not the smartest at figuring out my feelings. But Seetha told me that there’s risks in achieving one’s happiness. And she’s brave enough to take that risk. That makes me want to take that risk as well. So I rush here to tell you that I love you. That was impulsive, I know you’d disapprove. That’s what I meant by ‘not in my right mind’. I’m fully, fully sober now, and I can tell you with certainty that I loved you. I still do, if anything.”

Now that he’d vomited out all of his feelings, the room fell eerily silent as Ram’s stare at basically anything but Bheem. If there’s rejection, or even worse, disgust, in Bheem’s expression...Ram’s not sure he can handle that.

“I-I’m sorry to bring this up so suddenly,” Ram’s voice feels small, “I understand if you don’t feel the same, and if you feel uncomfortable resuming our friendship going forward because of this-”.

Bheem pointed at his backyard’s door. Ram’s not sure what to do.

“Why are you pointing that way?” Ram dumbly squeaks, “Is there something weird or scary there?”.

Bheem scoffs, “No. That flower.”.

Ram followed the direction of Bheem’s finger and found clumps of blue star-shaped flowers growing in the middle section of Bheem’s garden.

“Uhh, I’m confused,” Ram confesses, “Is there anything wrong with that flower?”.

Bheem makes a choking sound. Then he started half wailing, half shrieking. Ram’s panic that he has somehow broken Bheem for a split second, until he realises that Bheem is laughing.

“I hate you. Oh, I hate you,” Bheem wheezes, “But I love you too. I really do.”.

Ram just resumes staring wide eyed at Bheem, still laughing on the floor.

“Those are forget-me-nots, dumbass,” Bheem exclaims, “I plant those ever since you left, because I believe, no, I want to believe those old myths. I wish that if I just nurture those flowers that you’ll remember me.”

“I will try not to take offence at being called a dumbass,” Ram reiterates slowly, “But I still don’t get it. What’s the relation between those flowers and me?”.

“Those flowers,” Bheem said in between gasps of breath, “are my cowardice. I love you too, Ram. I too have been in love with you for a long time. I didn’t want to confront my feelings, so I planted those flowers instead, hoping that it would work up a magic or something. And it does! You’re here and you said you love me. And I just-” Bheem envelopes him in a hug.

“Oh, I admit defeat,” Bheem sighs, “I always thought that you’re the one who’s struggling with processing your feelings. But here you are, having much courage to tell me your feelings first. I would never expect for you to beat me to a love confession. You’re amazing. You’re amazing and I love you!”.

“Does that mean I get to call you my beloved, now?” Ram melts inside Bheem’s embrace.

“Yes,” Bheem nods excitedly, “Yes, you do. And I get to call you my beloved as well?”.

To answer that, Ram took Bheem’s face in his hands and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips. Bheem hums in agreement.

They stayed like that for a while, tangled in each other’s limbs, pressing fluttering kisses at each other. Then Bheem jolts and opens his eyes, “Oh! We have to tell Seetha about this! We have to inform her of your arrival as well!”.

“Can’t we just do that later?,” Ram’s still pressing kisses to Bheem’s neck, earning him Bheem’s soft shudder.

“No, because then we’ll forget about it and Seetha will kill us for making her worried,” Bheem regretfully starts standing up. Ram whines and Bheem lowers himself for a moment to peck one last fluttering kiss to Ram’s lips, “I’ve got to go. But I’ll be back, my beloved. Beloved. I like that word so much.”

With that Bheem exited the room, leaving Ram sitting in a daze, a big smile still plastered across his face.

The future’s still uncertain for Ram, and his missions will always become his priority wherever he goes. But he has to admit. Whatever impending problems the future has in store, it comforts him having Bheem by his side. They’d become each other’s strength, and each other’s home.

After all, he does have the best beloved in the world.

___

Epilogue

It's been years for Bheem, his life filled with moments of joy and slivers of heartbreak. Looking over the crowd who watches him with tears in their eyes, Bheem cannot fear the looming threat of death sentence. His life he will give to the nation, to help them achieve their cause of freedom. Soon he will join his departed friends and his beloved in the afterlife.

He loses so much years after years since he planted that garden of flowers. The people he loves are gone one by one, until he stands alone in the middle of that backyard, the bright flowers only adding to the ache of his heart. Yet he regrets none of the love he has given to his community, to his friends, to his Ram. All of the happiness they have given him is worth these pains he has to feel when he ultimately loses them.

When we part ways, Ram said that afternoon, how long do you think you can remember me before you forget?

Bheem's mouth quirks up slightly at that question. As if he could forget the one he had given his heart to, utterly and completely.

Never, Bheem remembers saying, voice oddly filled with determination, I'll always remember you. After all, you're very annoying.

He wonders if anyone would find their cottage in that woods. And their garden in the backyard. If anyone finds it, he hopes they remember all the troubles and torments they have been through, so they don't forget the peace and joy that happened there too. Because Bheem had promised that he would remember those moments, painful or not. And standing here in his last seconds of life, Bheem just knows it.

He does remember it all.

___

Author’s Note - End: Cynoglossum Amabile/Forget-me-nots symbolises true love and respect. The word "amabile" means gentle or 'capable of love'. Just like the name 'forget me not', the flower represents the wish to always remember someone.

Tagging the mods @stanleykubricks and @fangirlshrewt97 and the blog @celebrrration in case my Tumblr went nuts again.

Credit to @dumdaradumdaradum for giving me lots of fun facts throughout the making of this series.

#celebRRRation22 #celebrrration2022entry #My Garden of Love #RRR fanfic #RRR #flower language